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I have seen a few bloggers with lists of things they want to do / accomplish . Some have bucket lists , some have lists of things for fun . . . or whatever . I have a " 30 Before 30 List " that I have written down . But lately I 've been thinking of things I 'd like to do . . some might be far - fetched or I might be too chicken to do them , but It 's fun to think about anyway . . so here is my * latest * list of things . . . * * * Attend a Birth . Wouldn 't that be cool ? I have given birth 4 times but never actually seen one and been " there " to totally experience it . I wonder which of my lovely friends would be comfortable enough for me to share in that ? Start thinking now ladies ! ha ! * * * Wait all morning at Black Friday & Score an awesome deal . I have been Black Friday shopping . ONE time . I waited with my sister - in - law at a few places , and didn 't even end up with much at all . I just went for fun basically . Not cool . It was freezing and I had a bad experience . But one of these days I 'd love to actually plan ahead and go get that one item with the " wow factor " that either the kids or Arnold are wanting , and surprise them with it : ) * * * Cook Christmas Dinner . Now , this is actually * hopefully * going to happen this year ! I have started cooking more and mom has been teaching me some things . Also , Pinterest has become my best friend at finding recipes and entertaining ideas . We usually do our Christmas get - together on Christmas eve , so that leaves Christmas evening open . I am hoping to have Arnold 's parents and sister over that evening if all works out . Wish me luck ! * * * Deep Clean House . I mean to the point where there is NO clutter left . Nothing . The old clothes and toys are donated . All trash and broken items are out of here . If it 's not " useful " or " beautiful " it will not be in this house . I want to re - claim my home ! ! * * * Take a gun safety class . Learn how to use and respect a gun . I actually am deathly terrified of guns , but I know that is not healthy . And eventually Arnold wants us to own one , for our own defense . Can you tell we are big Conservatives ? ? ? Ha . * * * Tattoo on my wrist . Now this is one of the most far - fetched on the list . I saw the cutest tattoo online of a little owl . If I got one , it would probably be on my wrist . It would be small and able to see , but not so " flashy " that it looked " trashy . " And it would be black . . no colors for me ! * * * Get a Massage . Can you believe I 've never had one ? I mean a real one at a Spa ? My mom actually got me a giftcard a long time ago for one , and I never was able to find a time to go . I heard the GC doesn 't expire , so I need to get my butt over there ! I have SO much tension in my neck and shoulders it 's crazy . * * * Mow the Grass Once , for Arnold . Arnold takes care of all the yardwork . I am just not that type of girl . That may make me look spoiled . But I mowed ONCE when I was a teen living at home , and I made a big ol mess of the yard . I am just not that focused and precise . Call me lazy . Call me ditzy . i don 't know . I just don 't like it ! * * * Buy something off Etsy . So simple . . yet I want to do it . They have some TALENTED sellers on there ! They make absolutely everything you can imagine , and more . Sometimes the prices are a little steep , but it 's worth it to get unique items with that homeade touch . I specifically want crochet hats for the kids . . maybe Brobee for Rachel , Hello kitty for Brooke , and a monster for Caleb ! * * * Learn to Play Piano . this has always been a dream of mine . But I honestly think this ship has sailed . Don 't they say the older you get the harder it is to pick up a musical instrument ? Oh well . * * * Dye my Hair - - I have never , ever dyed my hair a different color . I am serious . The most I have ever gotten done are some blonde highlights in the summer . I am very weary of change , and like things the way they are . But I think it would be cool to dye it a pretty auburn red color . . IF I could even pull that off . Think : Julianne Moore . What do yall think ? * * * Adopt a Puppy . Yes we already have 2 dogs we adopted a few years ago . Big dogs that live outside . But one day down the road when we are more finanically stable ( we already have a lot of living things to supprt as it is ! ! ! ) I want to adopt a puppy ! Actually my dream would be to get a puppy with a big red bow at Christmas like you see on movies , but I know Arnold would never do that for me : ( I want a dachshund ! I grew up with weenie dogs and love them ! ! : ) So there is my list ! What do yall think ? Are these things do - able ? What would be on your list if you made one ? ? ? ? I want to know ! Posted by ~ I 'm loving all the new shows that have come out this season , and that I am getting to try out . I tried " Ben and Kate " and " The Mindy Project " last night . It is still a little too early to tell if I love the shows enough to watch them regularly , but they were pretty good . ~ I 'm loving that Brooke 's girlscout troop has officially started their Fall nut and magazine sales . Speaking of - - anyone want to buy any ? ! ; ) This year they came out with " peanut butter bears " and they look delicious ! I know I will be trying them ! I am mad however , that they didn 't have honey - roasted nuts this time ? ! What is up with that ? ! I ALWAYS order them ! ~ I 'm loving " Harry Potter " so far . Yeah I know I am waaay behind the times . But I eventually get around to reading all the " big " books , even if just to see what the hype was all about ! ~ I 'm loving that Brooke 's teacher sent home the October flyer for Scholastic books . Every month they feature different kids ' books you can order at great prices . Great , just one more thing to suck up my money ! I saw so many books in there I wanted to get the kids ! ~ I 'm loving that we all sat down as a family last night and actually had a nice , leisurely dinner together . We had spaghetti and meatballs , and salad . We even all helped out in the kitchen before - hand . Arnold chopped up sweet peppers to add to our salad . I am lucky to have a husband who doesn 't mind helping cooking ! ~ I 'm loving that tonight are the season premieres of " The Middle " and " Modern Family . " Both are hilarious shows that Arnold and I have to watch every time they come on . And I can 't believe they are making Gloria pregnant . But you know I 'm all for it since I loooove me some babies ; ) ~ I 'm loving Sour Patch " watermelons " candy . They are sooo yummy . Ate way too many last night while I was watching tv . ~ I 'm loving that we are on the countdown now for Christmas . As of yesterday , only 3 months ! Isn 't that crazy ? ! I LOVE that time of year ! I can 't wait to start buying gifts for everyone , decorating the house , setting up the tree . . . ahh ! I know I am getting ahead of myself . But I can 't help it : ) ~ I 'm loving that I have to dress Brooke up on Friday as a Librarian . They are doing " community workers " day . What exactly does a librarian even look like ? ! I know they aren 't all old , but when I picture one , I see someone with her hair up in a bun , glasses , a sweater . . . it should be fun to dress Brooke up . She told me she wants to wear her dress - up high heels too , haha . ~ I 'm loving that Justin Bieber wrote a book . Is that sad ? ! Brooke has been begging for it ever since she saw it at the School Book Fair . I looked it up on Amazon and it says for ages 8 and up . Arnold says I could get it and read it to her , haha ! ~ I 'm loving that Friday night I am going out with the girls ! A few of us are going to our highschool 's homecoming game . I can 't wait to see everyone , and also be back at our old stomping grounds . Who knows who all we will run into ? Plus the food they have at the concession stands is pretty good too . . . ~ I 'm loving that I got to break out my favorite hoodie to wear yesterday ! It was actually pretty cool outside ! I like the cool weather as long as it 's not TOO cold where I am uncomfortable . ~ I 'm loving how easy it is to make Rachel happy . I brought her home a new sippy cup last night , with Dora on it . She got all excited and just had to have a drink in it right away : ) Friday morning my mom came over and Rachel and I went with her to school to have lunch with Brooke . Poor Brooke has lunch at 10 : 20 , and that is way too early in my opinion ! They were extra good this week and their teacher let them eat lunch in the classroom and watch tv while they ate , so we sat back there in the little chairs with her . We got to talk to some of her friends , and my Mom got to see her classroom and meet her teacher . While we were there , Brooke 's teacher went ahead and showed me her spelling test . That morning the kids had had their very first test ever . We had been studying the words all week and I knew Brooke was good . But the teacher gave me the paper and it was a B ! She deducted points for sloppy handwriting , and Brooke had written a lot of her a 's really poorly . I was really bummed out , because Brooke had gotten ALL the words spelled correctly , and thought she had done great . Which B is still good , but not what I was expecting ! So we had to explain to Brooke later what had happened . I am surprised her teacher was so strict on that test , she seems pretty laid - back . But I am still proud of Brooke for doing so well ! Who knew as a mom spelling test days would become such a big deal , huh ? : ) Friday evening we dropped Brooke off at the church where she has her girlscout meetings . They were headed to camp for the weekend . Brooke went last year , but only for one night . This year she was staying the full two nights . She said she was a little nervous earlier in the week , but by the time we got there she seemed excited . We made sure to pack her " Sally " doll she sleeps with every night , so she was good ; ) I am always less nervous when she goes on trips with scouts because my sister - in - law is the troop leader . So that really puts me at ease ! Anyway , after we dropped her off we took the little kids down the road to get some dinner at Wendy 's before we went back home . That night Caleb got to play some video games before bed , all without fighting Brooke for the remote , I know he loved that , ha . I ended up going to be REALLY early that night . . . I am still shocked at how tired I get some nights . . . It used to be lame to go to bed so early but since being a mom I am always ready for sleep ! ; ) Saturday morning we got the little kids ready and went down the road to a festival our town was having . They have it every year to celebrate the town , it 's called a " Heritage Festival . " We actually ran into the kids ' grandparents there , so they were happy about that . They were giving out a lot of free stuff at some of the booths we went by , and the kids got some toys , stickers , water bottles , popcorn , and all sorts of things . We went by to see the Fire Truck , and both the kids got to sit in it so I could take pictures . A lady gave them both balloons . . and 5 minutes later Caleb 's was seen floating up in the air . . ha . The lady ran back over and gave him a replacement balloon right away . . guess it helps to be a little cutie ; ) We walked around the rest of the festival , and then got in line for the hay ride . The kids sat together on one side , and Arnold and I sat together across from them . And this guy in a tractor took us on a ride around town . The kids LOVED that . . so much fun for no cost . . gotta love it ; ) And before we left the festival we had to get sno - cones of course . . . CHERRY ones . . yum ! : ) That afternoon I headed to the mall with my friend Jess . One of my friends that works at Dillards in the mall had told me about a promotional thing they were doing , and they were making appointments for facials and makeovers . So I signed myself up and got to take a friend . . . hence why Jess went with me ; ) She took us into this back room that I had no idea was even there ! They had it set up really nice with flowers , candles , and all sorts of stuff . Then they let us lay back on vibrating beds and rest for awhile . . it was strange but I was loving it ! It was a mini - spa day ! Then she cleaned our faces and tried all sorts of products out on our faces . It felt so great , by the end my face was tingling ( in a good way ! ) and my skin felt so smooth . I swear I almost fell asleep on that bed ! Ha ! Then we sat in a chair and she did our makeup . I usually don 't wear a lot of makeup , so I was a little shocked at how it looked , but it looked really pretty . She even put stuff on my lips ( which I NEVER wear anything on my lips ) and I loved it . jess and I took lots of pictures of course , and we had a great time . It was fun to slip away for some girl time , and not have to deal with any kids or problems for awhile ! ! That afternoon after I got home , I ended up falling asleep and taking a long nap . Thank goodness for Arnold never working weekends and being able to help out with the kids ! I didn 't know I was so exhausted this weekend ! That evening after dinner and we had put the kids to bed , Arnold and I watched a movie I had rented . . " The 5 - Year Engagement . " I was expecting it to be a lot better . . and especially a lot more funny . Arnold complained alot during it . It was ok , but seemed like it dragged on . It 's one I wouldn 't watch again . Since I had taken a nap that afternoon , I wasn 't very tired , so I stayed up on the computer . Then " Austin City Limits " came on tv ( which I am NEVER up for ) and Coldplay was on that night ! Yay ! I love me some Coldplay , so I listened to that for awhile . Around midnight I was laying in bed reading , and the power suddenly went out . Everything was PITCH black dark , and silent , it was creepy . Arnold had been in the basement playing guitar , so he had to stuble around in the dark to find his way back upstairs . We used our cellphone for a little bit of light , so we could find some candles to light . We finally went to sleep anyway , and an hour later the lights all came back on and startled the crap out of me . It turns out they were working on the power on our whole street that evening . If I was asleep it wouldn 't have bothered me , but since I was still awake it was a pain ! Oh well ! Sunday morning we didn 't go to church , because we were waiting for a call that the scouts were back home , and to come pick up Brooke . We hung out around the house and watched old episodes of " The Office " on Netflix . I miss the days when Michael Scott was on there ! That was seriously one of my favorite shows back in the day . But now it is just not the same ! Anyway , we got a call around 11 that the girls were back , so we went to pick up Brooke . It turned out the girls had all given Jenn a hard time about taking showers that weekend , so she let it slide . Brooke was caked with dirt and looked horrible ! Her hair was spray painted green and pink , too ! But it was camping . . what can you say ? ? She had a great time , she told me all about them making smores , sliding down the cascades , and getting notes from " fairies " ( older girlscouts - - it was so cute ! ) As the day went on I also realized that she must have not gotten much sleep that weekend , because she was VERY cranky . But I remember those days from when I was a girl scout , it can make for some great memories ! And I am glad they had fun ! : ) The past couple of days the weather has been a lot cooler , especially in the mornings . We have gotten to break out some of the Fall clothes finally ! Brooke wore the owl shirt I found her at Kohl 's the other week . Green and owls . . what 's not to love ? ! Arnold was able to have the afternoon off yesterday , and we took the kids to a park down the road from our house . The girls love to swing as long as we will let them ! They also found some kids to play with while we were there . Brooke is so social ! We celebrated my Father - in - law 's birthday this week . They had us over to their house for pizza and homeade chocolate cake . The kids sang Happy Birthday to him . Then they got all sugared up ( and right before bedtime , too ! ! ) But it was a fun family get - together . Happy Birthday Pop ! Brooke and Caleb had their school check ups this week . I finally got around to making the appointments when they sent home a letter from school , oops ! Their birthdays aren 't until August so we don 't have long to get them done . They both grew about 2 1 / 2 inches last year ! They are going to be SO tall one day . Caleb thought it was hilarious that he had to pee in a cup , but Brooke didn 't want to , and actually cried . We never could get a sample from her ! Both the kids did well , and Caleb was brave through the shots he had to get . They both aced their hearing test , but Caleb didn 't do too well on the vision test . The bottom few lines were blurry to him . They are wanting him to go to the eye dr now for an exam . Little buddy will probably have to wear glasses like his Mama ! But we aren 't surprised since I have worn them since I was around 8 years old . Love that a Country Music Special came on this week . Kept me busy while Arnold was at band practice ! I didn 't even know it was on until I saw a friend 's status about it on FB ! So thanks ! ; ) I was dancing around the living room when Luke Bryan was singing , ha ! Love me some country music . I am even more into it now that the band Arnold is in plays it , too . I saw this cute idea online and knew I was going to have to try it for the kids . So the other afternoon , I made these " Spiders " for them as an afternoon snack . They actually used raisins in the ones they pictured , but my kids don 't really care for them , so I substituted Reese 's Pieces . They ended up looking more " Fallish " anyway ! The kids really liked them . I even sent an extra batch with Arnold to band practice that night , and the guys ate them as a snack . Haha ! :) Put up a few Fall decorations around the house this week . Can 't believe it is that time already ! I love stores like the Mighty Dollar this time of year , because you can get some cheap decor stuff . I got the fake flowers and leaves on the right from there . And I also filled a bowl with pinecones and leaves that I put on the kitchen table , along with my Fall placemats . I already had the owls , so I put them up there . The frame on the right is the one I found brand new in box at Goodwill the other day ! So cute . I also tried a new recipe this week , I actually found it on someone 's blog . It sounded easy enough , so I thought I 'd try it . Everyone knows I really don 't like to cook , so it is big when I actually want to try something . Anyway - - it was just a layer of penne pasta , a layer of marinara sauce , a layer of shredded mozarella cheese , a layer of veggies ( I chose red and yellow peppers since my kids will eat them ) , sprinkled on some basil spice , and then after I baked it I sprinkled parmasean cheese on top . It turned out pretty good . And Caleb even ate it all and asked me to make it again sometime ! That was quite a compliment since Caleb is usually a picky eater ! ;) This is a picture of the Butterfly costume that Rachel is going to wear for Halloween this year ! Isn 't it cute ? Love all the pink . This is the costume I found at that kid 's consignment sale last weekend for $ 5 ! What a steal ! I love Old Navy costumes because they are so cute , but they are also good quality and warm material . One of my friends , Amanda , had her baby boy this week ! His name is Gavin Oliver , and he is precious ! I haven 't gotten to go see him yet , but hopefully next week . She did post some pics of FB though , for everyone to see . Makes me miss mine being so little ! :) A couple of afternoons this week Rachel and I have been able to sneak in a little afternoon nap . It has been raining alot , so the perfect weather for it ! Of course we don 't lay there that cute and perfectly . . . it 's more like snoring , spread out , and drooling , ha ! But it 's nice to get some rest when we can ! I am proud of Caleb , because he is doing so much better lately at his handwriting , and particularly writing his name . He has to practice it every night for homework . Of course he isn 't writing in cursive yet , ha ! ;)
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I have seen a few bloggers with lists of things they want to do / accomplish . Some have bucket lists , some have lists of things for fun . . . or whatever . I have a " 30 Before 30 List " that I have written down . But lately I 've been thinking of things I 'd like to do . . some might be far - fetched or I might be too chicken to do them , but It 's fun to think about anyway . . so here is my * latest * list of things . . . * * * Attend a Birth . Wouldn 't that be cool ? I have given birth 4 times but never actually seen one and been " there " to totally experience it . I wonder which of my lovely friends would be comfortable enough for me to share in that ? Start thinking now ladies ! ha ! * * * Wait all morning at Black Friday & Score an awesome deal . I have been Black Friday shopping . ONE time . I waited with my sister - in - law at a few places , and didn 't even end up with much at all . I just went for fun basically . Not cool . It was freezing and I had a bad experience . But one of these days I 'd love to actually plan ahead and go get that one item with the " wow factor " that either the kids or Arnold are wanting , and surprise them with it : ) * * * Cook Christmas Dinner . Now , this is actually * hopefully * going to happen this year ! I have started cooking more and mom has been teaching me some things . Also , Pinterest has become my best friend at finding recipes and entertaining ideas . We usually do our Christmas get - together on Christmas eve , so that leaves Christmas evening open . I am hoping to have Arnold 's parents and sister over that evening if all works out . Wish me luck ! * * * Deep Clean House . I mean to the point where there is NO clutter left . Nothing . The old clothes and toys are donated . All trash and broken items are out of here . If it 's not " useful " or " beautiful " it will not be in this house . I want to re - claim my home ! ! * * * Take a gun safety class . Learn how to use and respect a gun . I actually am deathly terrified of guns , but I know that is not healthy . And eventually Arnold wants us to own one , for our own defense . Can you tell we are big Conservatives ? ? ? Ha . * * * Tattoo on my wrist . Now this is one of the most far - fetched on the list . I saw the cutest tattoo online of a little owl . If I got one , it would probably be on my wrist . It would be small and able to see , but not so " flashy " that it looked " trashy . " And it would be black . . no colors for me ! * * * Get a Massage . Can you believe I 've never had one ? I mean a real one at a Spa ? My mom actually got me a giftcard a long time ago for one , and I never was able to find a time to go . I heard the GC doesn 't expire , so I need to get my butt over there ! I have SO much tension in my neck and shoulders it 's crazy . * * * Mow the Grass Once , for Arnold . Arnold takes care of all the yardwork . I am just not that type of girl . That may make me look spoiled . But I mowed ONCE when I was a teen living at home , and I made a big ol mess of the yard . I am just not that focused and precise . Call me lazy . Call me ditzy . i don 't know . I just don 't like it ! * * * Buy something off Etsy . So simple . . yet I want to do it . They have some TALENTED sellers on there ! They make absolutely everything you can imagine , and more . Sometimes the prices are a little steep , but it 's worth it to get unique items with that homeade touch . I specifically want crochet hats for the kids . . maybe Brobee for Rachel , Hello kitty for Brooke , and a monster for Caleb ! * * * Learn to Play Piano . this has always been a dream of mine . But I honestly think this ship has sailed . Don 't they say the older you get the harder it is to pick up a musical instrument ? Oh well . * * * Dye my Hair - - I have never , ever dyed my hair a different color . I am serious . The most I have ever gotten done are some blonde highlights in the summer . I am very weary of change , and like things the way they are . But I think it would be cool to dye it a pretty auburn red color . . IF I could even pull that off . Think : Julianne Moore . What do yall think ? * * * Adopt a Puppy . Yes we already have 2 dogs we adopted a few years ago . Big dogs that live outside . But one day down the road when we are more finanically stable ( we already have a lot of living things to supprt as it is ! ! ! ) I want to adopt a puppy ! Actually my dream would be to get a puppy with a big red bow at Christmas like you see on movies , but I know Arnold would never do that for me : ( I want a dachshund ! I grew up with weenie dogs and love them ! ! : ) So there is my list ! What do yall think ? Are these things do - able ? What would be on your list if you made one ? ? ? ? I want to know ! Posted by ~ I 'm loving all the new shows that have come out this season , and that I am getting to try out . I tried " Ben and Kate " and " The Mindy Project " last night . It is still a little too early to tell if I love the shows enough to watch them regularly , but they were pretty good . ~ I 'm loving that Brooke 's girlscout troop has officially started their Fall nut and magazine sales . Speaking of - - anyone want to buy any ? ! ; ) This year they came out with " peanut butter bears " and they look delicious ! I know I will be trying them ! I am mad however , that they didn 't have honey - roasted nuts this time ? ! What is up with that ? ! I ALWAYS order them ! ~ I 'm loving " Harry Potter " so far . Yeah I know I am waaay behind the times . But I eventually get around to reading all the " big " books , even if just to see what the hype was all about ! ~ I 'm loving that Brooke 's teacher sent home the October flyer for Scholastic books . Every month they feature different kids ' books you can order at great prices . Great , just one more thing to suck up my money ! I saw so many books in there I wanted to get the kids ! ~ I 'm loving that we all sat down as a family last night and actually had a nice , leisurely dinner together . We had spaghetti and meatballs , and salad . We even all helped out in the kitchen before - hand . Arnold chopped up sweet peppers to add to our salad . I am lucky to have a husband who doesn 't mind helping cooking ! ~ I 'm loving that tonight are the season premieres of " The Middle " and " Modern Family . " Both are hilarious shows that Arnold and I have to watch every time they come on . And I can 't believe they are making Gloria pregnant . But you know I 'm all for it since I loooove me some babies ; ) ~ I 'm loving Sour Patch " watermelons " candy . They are sooo yummy . Ate way too many last night while I was watching tv . ~ I 'm loving that we are on the countdown now for Christmas . As of yesterday , only 3 months ! Isn 't that crazy ? ! I LOVE that time of year ! I can 't wait to start buying gifts for everyone , decorating the house , setting up the tree . . . ahh ! I know I am getting ahead of myself . But I can 't help it : ) ~ I 'm loving that I have to dress Brooke up on Friday as a Librarian . They are doing " community workers " day . What exactly does a librarian even look like ? ! I know they aren 't all old , but when I picture one , I see someone with her hair up in a bun , glasses , a sweater . . . it should be fun to dress Brooke up . She told me she wants to wear her dress - up high heels too , haha . ~ I 'm loving that Justin Bieber wrote a book . Is that sad ? ! Brooke has been begging for it ever since she saw it at the School Book Fair . I looked it up on Amazon and it says for ages 8 and up . Arnold says I could get it and read it to her , haha ! ~ I 'm loving that Friday night I am going out with the girls ! A few of us are going to our highschool 's homecoming game . I can 't wait to see everyone , and also be back at our old stomping grounds . Who knows who all we will run into ? Plus the food they have at the concession stands is pretty good too . . . ~ I 'm loving that I got to break out my favorite hoodie to wear yesterday ! It was actually pretty cool outside ! I like the cool weather as long as it 's not TOO cold where I am uncomfortable . ~ I 'm loving how easy it is to make Rachel happy . I brought her home a new sippy cup last night , with Dora on it . She got all excited and just had to have a drink in it right away : ) Friday morning my mom came over and Rachel and I went with her to school to have lunch with Brooke . Poor Brooke has lunch at 10 : 20 , and that is way too early in my opinion ! They were extra good this week and their teacher let them eat lunch in the classroom and watch tv while they ate , so we sat back there in the little chairs with her . We got to talk to some of her friends , and my Mom got to see her classroom and meet her teacher . While we were there , Brooke 's teacher went ahead and showed me her spelling test . That morning the kids had had their very first test ever . We had been studying the words all week and I knew Brooke was good . But the teacher gave me the paper and it was a B ! She deducted points for sloppy handwriting , and Brooke had written a lot of her a 's really poorly . I was really bummed out , because Brooke had gotten ALL the words spelled correctly , and thought she had done great . Which B is still good , but not what I was expecting ! So we had to explain to Brooke later what had happened . I am surprised her teacher was so strict on that test , she seems pretty laid - back . But I am still proud of Brooke for doing so well ! Who knew as a mom spelling test days would become such a big deal , huh ? : ) Friday evening we dropped Brooke off at the church where she has her girlscout meetings . They were headed to camp for the weekend . Brooke went last year , but only for one night . This year she was staying the full two nights . She said she was a little nervous earlier in the week , but by the time we got there she seemed excited . We made sure to pack her " Sally " doll she sleeps with every night , so she was good ; ) I am always less nervous when she goes on trips with scouts because my sister - in - law is the troop leader . So that really puts me at ease ! Anyway , after we dropped her off we took the little kids down the road to get some dinner at Wendy 's before we went back home . That night Caleb got to play some video games before bed , all without fighting Brooke for the remote , I know he loved that , ha . I ended up going to be REALLY early that night . . . I am still shocked at how tired I get some nights . . . It used to be lame to go to bed so early but since being a mom I am always ready for sleep ! ; ) Saturday morning we got the little kids ready and went down the road to a festival our town was having . They have it every year to celebrate the town , it 's called a " Heritage Festival . " We actually ran into the kids ' grandparents there , so they were happy about that . They were giving out a lot of free stuff at some of the booths we went by , and the kids got some toys , stickers , water bottles , popcorn , and all sorts of things . We went by to see the Fire Truck , and both the kids got to sit in it so I could take pictures . A lady gave them both balloons . . and 5 minutes later Caleb 's was seen floating up in the air . . ha . The lady ran back over and gave him a replacement balloon right away . . guess it helps to be a little cutie ; ) We walked around the rest of the festival , and then got in line for the hay ride . The kids sat together on one side , and Arnold and I sat together across from them . And this guy in a tractor took us on a ride around town . The kids LOVED that . . so much fun for no cost . . gotta love it ; ) And before we left the festival we had to get sno - cones of course . . . CHERRY ones . . yum ! : ) That afternoon I headed to the mall with my friend Jess . One of my friends that works at Dillards in the mall had told me about a promotional thing they were doing , and they were making appointments for facials and makeovers . So I signed myself up and got to take a friend . . . hence why Jess went with me ; ) She took us into this back room that I had no idea was even there ! They had it set up really nice with flowers , candles , and all sorts of stuff . Then they let us lay back on vibrating beds and rest for awhile . . it was strange but I was loving it ! It was a mini - spa day ! Then she cleaned our faces and tried all sorts of products out on our faces . It felt so great , by the end my face was tingling ( in a good way ! ) and my skin felt so smooth . I swear I almost fell asleep on that bed ! Ha ! Then we sat in a chair and she did our makeup . I usually don 't wear a lot of makeup , so I was a little shocked at how it looked , but it looked really pretty . She even put stuff on my lips ( which I NEVER wear anything on my lips ) and I loved it . jess and I took lots of pictures of course , and we had a great time . It was fun to slip away for some girl time , and not have to deal with any kids or problems for awhile ! ! That afternoon after I got home , I ended up falling asleep and taking a long nap . Thank goodness for Arnold never working weekends and being able to help out with the kids ! I didn 't know I was so exhausted this weekend ! That evening after dinner and we had put the kids to bed , Arnold and I watched a movie I had rented . . " The 5 - Year Engagement . " I was expecting it to be a lot better . . and especially a lot more funny . Arnold complained alot during it . It was ok , but seemed like it dragged on . It 's one I wouldn 't watch again . Since I had taken a nap that afternoon , I wasn 't very tired , so I stayed up on the computer . Then " Austin City Limits " came on tv ( which I am NEVER up for ) and Coldplay was on that night ! Yay ! I love me some Coldplay , so I listened to that for awhile . Around midnight I was laying in bed reading , and the power suddenly went out . Everything was PITCH black dark , and silent , it was creepy . Arnold had been in the basement playing guitar , so he had to stuble around in the dark to find his way back upstairs . We used our cellphone for a little bit of light , so we could find some candles to light . We finally went to sleep anyway , and an hour later the lights all came back on and startled the crap out of me . It turns out they were working on the power on our whole street that evening . If I was asleep it wouldn 't have bothered me , but since I was still awake it was a pain ! Oh well ! Sunday morning we didn 't go to church , because we were waiting for a call that the scouts were back home , and to come pick up Brooke . We hung out around the house and watched old episodes of " The Office " on Netflix . I miss the days when Michael Scott was on there ! That was seriously one of my favorite shows back in the day . But now it is just not the same ! Anyway , we got a call around 11 that the girls were back , so we went to pick up Brooke . It turned out the girls had all given Jenn a hard time about taking showers that weekend , so she let it slide . Brooke was caked with dirt and looked horrible ! Her hair was spray painted green and pink , too ! But it was camping . . what can you say ? ? She had a great time , she told me all about them making smores , sliding down the cascades , and getting notes from " fairies " ( older girlscouts - - it was so cute ! ) As the day went on I also realized that she must have not gotten much sleep that weekend , because she was VERY cranky . But I remember those days from when I was a girl scout , it can make for some great memories ! And I am glad they had fun ! : ) The past couple of days the weather has been a lot cooler , especially in the mornings . We have gotten to break out some of the Fall clothes finally ! Brooke wore the owl shirt I found her at Kohl 's the other week . Green and owls . . what 's not to love ? ! Arnold was able to have the afternoon off yesterday , and we took the kids to a park down the road from our house . The girls love to swing as long as we will let them ! They also found some kids to play with while we were there . Brooke is so social ! We celebrated my Father - in - law 's birthday this week . They had us over to their house for pizza and homeade chocolate cake . The kids sang Happy Birthday to him . Then they got all sugared up ( and right before bedtime , too ! ! ) But it was a fun family get - together . Happy Birthday Pop ! Brooke and Caleb had their school check ups this week . I finally got around to making the appointments when they sent home a letter from school , oops ! Their birthdays aren 't until August so we don 't have long to get them done . They both grew about 2 1 / 2 inches last year ! They are going to be SO tall one day . Caleb thought it was hilarious that he had to pee in a cup , but Brooke didn 't want to , and actually cried . We never could get a sample from her ! Both the kids did well , and Caleb was brave through the shots he had to get . They both aced their hearing test , but Caleb didn 't do too well on the vision test . The bottom few lines were blurry to him . They are wanting him to go to the eye dr now for an exam . Little buddy will probably have to wear glasses like his Mama ! But we aren 't surprised since I have worn them since I was around 8 years old . Love that a Country Music Special came on this week . Kept me busy while Arnold was at band practice ! I didn 't even know it was on until I saw a friend 's status about it on FB ! So thanks ! ; ) I was dancing around the living room when Luke Bryan was singing , ha ! Love me some country music . I am even more into it now that the band Arnold is in plays it , too . I saw this cute idea online and knew I was going to have to try it for the kids . So the other afternoon , I made these " Spiders " for them as an afternoon snack . They actually used raisins in the ones they pictured , but my kids don 't really care for them , so I substituted Reese 's Pieces . They ended up looking more " Fallish " anyway ! The kids really liked them . I even sent an extra batch with Arnold to band practice that night , and the guys ate them as a snack . Haha ! :) Put up a few Fall decorations around the house this week . Can 't believe it is that time already ! I love stores like the Mighty Dollar this time of year , because you can get some cheap decor stuff . I got the fake flowers and leaves on the right from there . And I also filled a bowl with pinecones and leaves that I put on the kitchen table , along with my Fall placemats . I already had the owls , so I put them up there . The frame on the right is the one I found brand new in box at Goodwill the other day ! So cute . I also tried a new recipe this week , I actually found it on someone 's blog . It sounded easy enough , so I thought I 'd try it . Everyone knows I really don 't like to cook , so it is big when I actually want to try something . Anyway - - it was just a layer of penne pasta , a layer of marinara sauce , a layer of shredded mozarella cheese , a layer of veggies ( I chose red and yellow peppers since my kids will eat them ) , sprinkled on some basil spice , and then after I baked it I sprinkled parmasean cheese on top . It turned out pretty good . And Caleb even ate it all and asked me to make it again sometime ! That was quite a compliment since Caleb is usually a picky eater ! ;) This is a picture of the Butterfly costume that Rachel is going to wear for Halloween this year ! Isn 't it cute ? Love all the pink . This is the costume I found at that kid 's consignment sale last weekend for $ 5 ! What a steal ! I love Old Navy costumes because they are so cute , but they are also good quality and warm material . One of my friends , Amanda , had her baby boy this week ! His name is Gavin Oliver , and he is precious ! I haven 't gotten to go see him yet , but hopefully next week . She did post some pics of FB though , for everyone to see . Makes me miss mine being so little ! :) A couple of afternoons this week Rachel and I have been able to sneak in a little afternoon nap . It has been raining alot , so the perfect weather for it ! Of course we don 't lay there that cute and perfectly . . . it 's more like snoring , spread out , and drooling , ha ! But it 's nice to get some rest when we can ! I am proud of Caleb , because he is doing so much better lately at his handwriting , and particularly writing his name . He has to practice it every night for homework . Of course he isn 't writing in cursive yet , ha ! ;)
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Cora actually had a bath where she didn 't scream bloody murder the entire time ( plus 20 minutes afterwards ) . She seemed content to kick the water and then try to suck on the wet mat ( it 's amazing how far she can turn her head . . . she 's like an owl ) . I just noticed , the thoracotomy scar and the scar from the chest tube are visible here . She also has a spot on her back where the shunts were placed in utero . The kid 's got some serious battle wounds for someone who 's only 8 weeks old ! Speaking of battles , I 've been rather abused by my child for the past 24 hours . Last night , I got projectile - vomited upon with a crazy amount of regurgitated milk . ( Then of course she was immediately hungry again , because she 'd just yacked up her dinner . Ugh . ) Then this morning , just as we were getting ready to leave the house , she had a massive blowout and was completely covered in poo , up to her shoulders . So she got an impromptu sponge bath this morning . ( She was not so pleased about that one . ) Other than that , it was a good day . I went and showed her off at the office this morning , and then got some chores done . I went to my Italian class , and my Med Liability class was canceled . I came home , helped Husband finish up the dinner ( that I 'd originally started . . . we 'd been tag - teaming on the prep work for the meatloaf ) . Nice relaxing evening ! Update : ( The long one is the thoracotomy scar , the circular one is the chest tube . Both are below her right breast . Click to enlarge . ) Okay , I 'm totally through with actually trying in law school . From now on , I 'm just going to fall asleep during my exams , write half as much and turn in the exam 20 minutes early . Yes , that 's right . I got my highest grade in law school on my Insurance exam . I mean , seriously ? What the hell ? Did he actually grade the exam , or did he actually lose the exam , and felt he had to give me a good grade so that I wouldn 't inquire about the exam and discover the truth ? Craziness . I did work really hard in that class , because I liked it so much , but I really felt that exam was a disaster . Like of the C minus / D plus sort of category . Instead , I got a good grade ! Now I feel more pressure to get a good grade in Tax . ( Yeah , right . ) I am horribly traumatized after going evening gown shopping . Cinderella can 't go to the ball if her boobs don 't fit in her dress . Not that I didn 't have such issues before pregnancy . My pre - pregnancy bust size was a 36DD , after all . Now it 's like a 40ZZZ or something horrendous . My waist is back to normal . I 'm back in my pre - pregnancy pants ( even if they 're a wee bit tight ) . But I can 't get any dresses zipped , even in a size 14 . . . by a good two inches . I don 't know what to do . I guess I need to find a store that carries plus size dresses , then have the rest of the dress taken in . That sounds crazily expensive and unnecessary . Just another reason why I hate breastfeeding . I do , I hate breastfeeding . Yes , there 's an angry mob of La Leche militants coming for me , but I don 't care . Even when she 's nursing , I don 't find it enjoyable whatsoever . Apparently Cora doesn 't find it all that enjoyable either , it tends to piss her off . I don 't need to stick my boob in my daughter 's mouth in order to bond with her . ( Wasn 't that bond created when she was in the womb ? Or when she came plowing out of my vagina , wreaking havoc on my girl parts ? Or in caring for her for the past seven weeks of her life ? ) And I actually like feeding her with a bottle much better . I get to look at her and see her progress , and know how much she 's eaten . Plus , Husband gets to feed his daughter too ( and he really likes that ) . Granted , we 've had a tough go of it . Cora never did latch on before her surgery ; I don 't think she could breathe well enough to do it . The bottle was enough work for her . So , I was pumping in order to give her breast milk . Since her surgery , she does latch on now . But she gets bored with it after about ten minutes , stops nursing and screams at me until I give her a bottle . So , I 'm still pumping . I 'm not quite producing enough milk because she won 't nurse enough , so we 're still supplementing with formula . ( Which is fine by me , she stays full longer during the night with the formula . ) I can 't even tell you what the crazy milking devicPosted by I was putting away some laundry the other day , which had been piled up in a basket for quite some time , when I found that one of Cora 's onesies was ripped in half . Immediately , I was pissed off that our damn dryer was eating clothes again . I marched off to present the evidence to Husband that we need a new dryer ( the thing rips up my clothes all the time , tearing off snaps and buttons ) . He inspected it and pointed out that the dryer wasn 't the culprit : that was the onesie Cora was wearing the night she went to the ER . They had cut it off of her in order to treat her . It 's easy to forget just how sick Cora was a couple weeks ago . She 's only been back home for two weeks . She 's healthy , she 's thriving , she 's eating like a little piglet . She 's staring at me right now , in fact , 6 : 30 in the morning , wide awake and expecting me to entertain her by continuing to hit the music button on her baby papasan . Looking at her , you 'd never know she 'd spent nearly two weeks in the hospital and had major surgery . In fact , the only evidence of it is the thoracotomy scar across her chest . Most of the time , we 're too busy to reflect on that . Cora keeps us busy , school keeps us busy , friends and family , trying to take a few moments for ourselves , and trying to get enough sleep to function . But sometimes there 's just some little reminder of what we actually went through , what Cora endured , not an objective statement of what occurred , but a reminder of the place and time that makes it all come rushing back , and makes me a little sick to my stomach . Normally , I 'm a pretty cold - hearted bitch ( just ask Husband , he 's the big softy , not me ) . Things don 't usually get to me . But now I have this sore spot . In Medical Liability this week , we were on the duty to treat cases , the main one being a case where an infant is refused medical treatment by an emergency room and the infant dies . I wasn 't so much upset by the fact that someone else 's baby had died forty or fifty years ago , but the words " infant " and " emergency room " were enough to bring back Posted by Has it really been almost a week since my last post ? This week has flown by , and been completely crazy . School , extra - curricular activities , functions , dates , and of course , Cora . Cora : She 's now six weeks old . We finally got real smiles yesterday . She was smiley all day , and she is so alert and active . She also had a pediatrician appointment , and being a little piglet has gotten her up to 7 pounds 15 ounces . She 's no longer in newborn diapers , but in size 1 . Her preemie clothes don 't fit anymore , and her 0 - 3 months clothes finally fit her , instead of swallowing her . She no longer screams when her diaper 's being changed , so long as we play her music . She wakes up only twice during the night to eat , every three hours . She eats four ounces each feeding , and then yacks some back at us . ( Yesterday , Husband was carrying her in the hallway , and she coughed at the same time as spitting up and it shot upward into the air like a fountain and splattered back down onto Husband 's arm , his shoe and the floor . Husband didn 't find that nearly as amusing as I did . ) She 's a lot of fun . Dates : Husband and I went out Tuesday night to see a movie and get some much - needed beer at our favorite watering hole . We saw Sweeney Todd , an upbeat family film , released just in time for the holidays . Seriously though , Johnny Depp did an excellent job , we thoroughly enjoyed the performance . We also thoroughly enjoyed the beer , and stayed much too long . However , we still had trouble getting rid of my mother after we got home ! Functions : Husband 's goddaughter was baptized on Sunday . It was a lovely ceremony . Makes me look forward to Cora 's ! Extra - curricular activities : Planning the Women 's Law Caucus luncheon . We have a new venue and caterer , and a new date , after the old venue closed down . I 'm getting the invitations tomorrow . School : Yep , it 's still there . I like all of my classes , although the int ' l environmental law class is so far really boring , because it 's all economic theory and crap . I 'll be glad when we get to actual law stuff . I 'll be takingPosted by The week was pretty exhausting , but good too . I really like my classes , even if a couple will be pretty difficult . My Italian class is going to be a lot more work than I anticipated . It 's basically a crash course in Italian , with four semesters of grammar crammed into one class . This week 's assignment ? Learn all conjugations for all verb tenses . Geez . Glad I took two semesters of Italian , otherwise , I 'd be putting in a crazy amount of studying for this class . Anyway , a couple of days of being really tired , but we 're making it through . Trying to get into a routine before Husband goes back to work next month . Highlights of this week and weekend : 1 . Buying a baby papasan finally . Cora likes it . It vibrates , plays music , and there 's a little bunny to stare at intently . 2 . Getting through all of my classes and even being prepared for them . Even volunteered to speak in one class , something I never do ( in protest of all the idiots that are in love with the sound of their own voices and waste enough of our class time ) . 3 . Finally getting around to watching the Christmas episode of Doctor Who ( yay ! ) . 4 . Friends in from out of town . 5 . The baptism tomorrow of Husband 's goddaughter . This week I have to work out the details of the WLC luncheon ( the venue we had booked went out of business , so we had to find a new venue ) . I also need to straighten out all the stuff for the hospital bills , work out payment plans and find out the grand totals . Also need to start compiling stuff for tax purposes , like filing our taxes , not the class . Well , the class too , but I can take the exam " whenever . " ( Thank god . ) Anyway , so that 's what 's going on . No deep thoughts today , I 'll save that for another day . I 'll just leave you with some cuteness . How do you know when you completely blow a final ? Good indicators include : 1 . Filling up only half the blue book ( and you write rather large ) ; 2 . Finishing 20 minutes early ; 3 . Falling asleep during the final ( seriously , I lost a good five minutes there ) Good thing I don 't care , otherwise I 'd be really upset . But I 'm just too tired to care . Definitely not ready to be back to school , but it 's not all bad so far . I 've now had all of my law school classes , and tomorrow I 'll have my first Italian grammar class . My favorite class will definitely be Medical Liability . We 're watching a movie tomorrow and Monday . I love any class that will let me watch movies instead of making me read a billion pages of boring case law . Same goes for Evidence . Love it . International Environmental Law will probably be pretty painful . The reading is rather dull , and class isn 't much more exciting . International Trade Law is going to be painful , but for different reasons . The material is more interesting , however , a couple problems . First , the class size is really small , more like a seminar . Which means we 're all expected to participate , a lot . Second , we 're in a classroom that is set up in a big square ( for seminar discussion ) , and our professor is sitting with us . I 'm sitting beside him , ugh . How am I supposed to spend the entire time on Facebook and tuning out my classmates , when the professor has full view of my screen ? Sigh . It 'll be a long semester . But the quandary is whether I should write a paper for the class or not , in lieu of a final . The idea appeals to me , definitely . I have a couple topic ideas , one being fish . The other ideas I have involve Canada . But we 'll see . Anyway , as painful as both classes will be , they will be excellent review for my graduate school comps , and in many ways , they 're like super hard classes from my grad program . I can 't believe I 'm finally going to graduate this semester . It 's rather sad though . I 'm going to miss being part of the school . I 'm going to try to participate in as much as possible this semester . So , very eventful day . Three classes . I went to the daycare center on campus to convince them to take Cora in August . The daycare is an " early childhood development " center , where they employ graduate students to teach the kids , not just feed them , change them and stick them in a swing . Problem is , they go for economic and racial diversiPosted by Cora has been sprung ! The surgeon said we could take her home today , although he had wanted to keep her one more night for observation . But she 's doing great . She 's eating well , and most importantly , breathing well . Lots of lost snuggle time to make up for . Although , I guess I can 't complain too much , since she was only supposed to be born on Friday , and she 'd be coming home today anyway . Crazy ! Terrible shame that I have to be in class tomorrow . But it makes coming home every day even better . Tonight 's nurse is very nice . I was just thinking I was thirsty and should go get something from the cafeteria , and she brings in a pitcher of water . Awesome . Cora 's doing well . Husband and I snuck out for a bite to eat and a beer with our friends during shift change , then we came back to the hospital and I took a nap while Husband snuggled with our daughter . Now Husband 's gone home , and I 'm snuggling with Cora , waiting for her to wake up and eat so I can get some more sleep . When the doctors round in 7 hours , I 'm hoping they 'll say she 's sprung and we can finally go home ! Husband spent last night at the hospital with Cora , who was apparently back to her old self : about 2am she morphs from Sweet Little Bunny to Grumpy Little Gremlin . So , he 's home sleeping while I 'm on duty at the hospital . Cora 's been slightly gremlin - esque today . She 's been rather pissed off . Also , I think the continuous feeding tube has taught her a bad habit - - she wants to eat much more and much more frequently . Fun . I fed her 1 . 5 ounces at 2pm , then at 3 : 30pm she was hungry again , and took 2 more ounces . She was fed , changed and swaddled , but still was fussy . And she was still trying to eat her hand . So I got her a binky , and she actually took it . It didn 't make her go to sleep immediately , but she laid in the bed completely bewildered by the new device and continued to suck on it . She 's slept for the past hour and a half , and is just now starting to move around and be grunty . So , here I am , watching Iron Chef , listening to Cora grunt ( and watching Cat Cora figure out what to do with venison ) . I really should start studying for tax . I really should care about tax . Really . I didn 't get around to updating on Day Ten , I spent too much time at the hospital , sans laptop , and then home , finishing my insurance outline finally . I 'm going to see about taking the insurance final on Wednesday and begging for mercy and getting a couple week extension on taking the tax final . And since Cora 's coming home soon , I 'd best get to studying ! Cora got moved out to the floor yesterday from the PICU . I like the PICU better , but am glad she 's well enough to be out of there . In the PICU she had her own nurse ( if she shared her nurse , it was with only one other patient ) . On the floor , her nurse has lots of patients and they aren 't real attentive . They 're nice enough , and they get you something if you need it , but it 's clear they expect the parents to be there to take care of the kids , not them . Although since they 're getting paid to take care of my kid , I rather think I should be getting total diaper amnesty , but whatever . Husband is spending the night at the hospital with her now , and then I will go there in the morning to relieve him . We 're going to have one of us there at all times , mostly because we 're not real comfortable with the security on the floor . So , basically we get to take care of our kid , but without the convenience and comfort of doing so in our own home . Cora 's still on just a wiff of oxygen , which hopefully she will come off of in the next day or so , and then I don 't see what more they would keep her for . She 's not getting anymore IV fluids , she 's eating well , she 's breathing well , and her incision is healing nicely . She 's doing great , a remarkable change from a week ago when she nearly died . And to think , she was only supposed to have been born yesterday ! She 's lived a pretty full life in these past four weeks . We wonder if Cora won 't be a different baby now that she 'll be completely healthy . She really labored in her breathing before she got sick , which I think contributed to her not eating well , not latching on , and not sucking for comfort . Yesterday , she did something she 's never done Proto Attorney Oh yeah , and I 'm in law school . Reality check back to the land of mediocrity . Actually , this one falls below mediocrity and into the category of craptastic . Torts grade : C . Ouch . Way to kick the ol ' GPA when it 's already down . On one hand I probably should have waited to take the final and not taken it two weeks postpartum . On the other hand , had I waited to take the final , I 'd be taking it next week and it might have been even worse . Oh well , it was only a 2 hour course . Now a C in Tax . . . that one will definitely kill my GPA . Ugh . Honestly , I 'd take a C minus if I didn 't have to actually sit for the four - hour exam . I 've been bad about studying since Christmas . I did really good before then , but I still haven 't even opened my tax supplement . My insurance outline is done , so at least I 'm not a complete slacker . But I really don 't know how I 'm going to cram for an entire semester of tax in a week 's time . Sucks . Oh well . Honestly , I don 't care . Last year , I would have been devastated about that C in Torts . But I know it 's not reflective of my capabilities or my intelligence , and certainly will make no difference in what job I get . So who cares ? I enjoyed the course , I took a lot from it , and I was taking care of a two - week - old baby at the time , attaching a milking device to my breasts every three hours , and still recovering from childbirth . Take away those distractions , and I totally would have pulled at least a B plus . Posted by Cora is off the vent , and the only wiring she has left is the IV , the HR monitor and her little oxygen tube . Her nurse is going to try taking her off the oxygen a little later , and will also try giving her a bottle . It 's possible she could even go home tomorrow ! However , I 'm not getting my hopes up , it 's likely it will be over the weekend , or even the beginning of next week . Still , it 's something to look forward to : she gets to come home soon ! And best of all , we got to hold her ! What a great day ! Even while recovering from major surgery , my kid is still a little ham . Much like her father . Today was a really good day . I think Cora woke up this morning and suddenly decided to get better . First , they were able to completely wean her from the dopamine this morning , her blood pressure has finally stabilized . Then , the doctors decided to take out her chest tube . Finally , they have her ventilator turned down very low , and so long as she handles it well , they 're going to extubate her tomorrow ! She 'll still have the lines in , they 're continuing to wean her from the pain medication but she still needs some , and also , she 's still continuing with antibiotics . No idea how long before she can come home , but being off the ventilator and breathing on her own is huge . She 'll still be on oxygen , but that 's so much better than a vent . And she 'll be able to eat on her own . And we 'll finally be able to hold her again ! I can 't even tell you how relieved we are . We even went out for dinner tonight with a few friends . We were supposed to have the New Year 's party at our house , but when Cora got sick , none of our friends got together anyway . So it was nice to get together , toast the new year , and celebrate our good fortune and good health . I 'm really touched by the outpouring of support from friends ( including all my blogging friends ) . Everyone has been so kind and caring during this difficult time . Honestly , all of the positive energy is exactly what we needed to make it through . I really appreciate the offer for gifts , too . For people who have never met me , and especially those of you who don 't even know my name , to offer to send gifts , wow . I can 't tell you how touched I am by the offer . We really don 't need anything though . We already have everything we need for Cora . We are fortunate enough to have family that has helped us out , we received some generous monetary gifts . Along with our tax refund for 2007 , we will be able to pay off the bulk of our medical bills from the pregnancy and pay off the rest over the next year . Sucks the money has to go to pay medical bills because we were under - insured . It would have been a Posted by One week and counting . It will likely be at least another week , maybe longer , that Cora 's in the hospital . They did the echo , and there were no issues with her heart , which was an enormous relief . The doctor was very encouraging this morning . She said it was no longer a matter of " if " Cora will recover , but rather how long it will take . They don 't want to rush her by taking her off the dopamine and such , and are weaning her very slowly , but they have turned down her ventilator and she 's doing well with that . I 'm looking forward to them removing the chest tube , and hopefully soon after that , the breathing and feeding tubes can come out as well . We 're spending another night at home tonight . We gave up the sleep room , as there is a family there with a child much sicker than ours , and we figured they needed the room more than us . They had locked down the PICU for hours while they worked on the baby . I 'm not sure what 's wrong with the child , but it seemed pretty scary . Seeing the surgical team rushing in there put knots in my stomach , knowing that was us just a couple days ago . If there 's one thing Cora has taught us , it 's to never take a moment for granted . We had 20 wonderful days with our daughter , where we treasured every minute because of how grateful we were that she was alive and healthy when she was born . If those 20 days are all we would ever have with Cora , it would have been a comfort to know we hadn 't squandered them . I remember thinking about this while she was having surgery , while trying to deal with the reality that she might die . We almost didn 't have any more days with her , and as painful as that was , I never want to forget that feeling . I never want to take for granted the blessings in my life , especially my family . So , there 's a New Year 's resolution : appreciate every moment . Happy New Year . . . . 29 year old ( dare you to say otherwise ) graduate of a mediocre law school , stumbling through my legal career in the Bluegrass . Married with a baby , a preschooler , a Labrador and a fish . ( Feel free to contact me by email , but if you do , leave a comment and tell me I have mail , I rarely check this account ! ) ProtoAttorney ( at ) yahoo . com
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Cora actually had a bath where she didn 't scream bloody murder the entire time ( plus 20 minutes afterwards ) . She seemed content to kick the water and then try to suck on the wet mat ( it 's amazing how far she can turn her head . . . she 's like an owl ) . I just noticed , the thoracotomy scar and the scar from the chest tube are visible here . She also has a spot on her back where the shunts were placed in utero . The kid 's got some serious battle wounds for someone who 's only 8 weeks old ! Speaking of battles , I 've been rather abused by my child for the past 24 hours . Last night , I got projectile - vomited upon with a crazy amount of regurgitated milk . ( Then of course she was immediately hungry again , because she 'd just yacked up her dinner . Ugh . ) Then this morning , just as we were getting ready to leave the house , she had a massive blowout and was completely covered in poo , up to her shoulders . So she got an impromptu sponge bath this morning . ( She was not so pleased about that one . ) Other than that , it was a good day . I went and showed her off at the office this morning , and then got some chores done . I went to my Italian class , and my Med Liability class was canceled . I came home , helped Husband finish up the dinner ( that I 'd originally started . . . we 'd been tag - teaming on the prep work for the meatloaf ) . Nice relaxing evening ! Update : ( The long one is the thoracotomy scar , the circular one is the chest tube . Both are below her right breast . Click to enlarge . ) Okay , I 'm totally through with actually trying in law school . From now on , I 'm just going to fall asleep during my exams , write half as much and turn in the exam 20 minutes early . Yes , that 's right . I got my highest grade in law school on my Insurance exam . I mean , seriously ? What the hell ? Did he actually grade the exam , or did he actually lose the exam , and felt he had to give me a good grade so that I wouldn 't inquire about the exam and discover the truth ? Craziness . I did work really hard in that class , because I liked it so much , but I really felt that exam was a disaster . Like of the C minus / D plus sort of category . Instead , I got a good grade ! Now I feel more pressure to get a good grade in Tax . ( Yeah , right . ) I am horribly traumatized after going evening gown shopping . Cinderella can 't go to the ball if her boobs don 't fit in her dress . Not that I didn 't have such issues before pregnancy . My pre - pregnancy bust size was a 36DD , after all . Now it 's like a 40ZZZ or something horrendous . My waist is back to normal . I 'm back in my pre - pregnancy pants ( even if they 're a wee bit tight ) . But I can 't get any dresses zipped , even in a size 14 . . . by a good two inches . I don 't know what to do . I guess I need to find a store that carries plus size dresses , then have the rest of the dress taken in . That sounds crazily expensive and unnecessary . Just another reason why I hate breastfeeding . I do , I hate breastfeeding . Yes , there 's an angry mob of La Leche militants coming for me , but I don 't care . Even when she 's nursing , I don 't find it enjoyable whatsoever . Apparently Cora doesn 't find it all that enjoyable either , it tends to piss her off . I don 't need to stick my boob in my daughter 's mouth in order to bond with her . ( Wasn 't that bond created when she was in the womb ? Or when she came plowing out of my vagina , wreaking havoc on my girl parts ? Or in caring for her for the past seven weeks of her life ? ) And I actually like feeding her with a bottle much better . I get to look at her and see her progress , and know how much she 's eaten . Plus , Husband gets to feed his daughter too ( and he really likes that ) . Granted , we 've had a tough go of it . Cora never did latch on before her surgery ; I don 't think she could breathe well enough to do it . The bottle was enough work for her . So , I was pumping in order to give her breast milk . Since her surgery , she does latch on now . But she gets bored with it after about ten minutes , stops nursing and screams at me until I give her a bottle . So , I 'm still pumping . I 'm not quite producing enough milk because she won 't nurse enough , so we 're still supplementing with formula . ( Which is fine by me , she stays full longer during the night with the formula . ) I can 't even tell you what the crazy milking devicPosted by I was putting away some laundry the other day , which had been piled up in a basket for quite some time , when I found that one of Cora 's onesies was ripped in half . Immediately , I was pissed off that our damn dryer was eating clothes again . I marched off to present the evidence to Husband that we need a new dryer ( the thing rips up my clothes all the time , tearing off snaps and buttons ) . He inspected it and pointed out that the dryer wasn 't the culprit : that was the onesie Cora was wearing the night she went to the ER . They had cut it off of her in order to treat her . It 's easy to forget just how sick Cora was a couple weeks ago . She 's only been back home for two weeks . She 's healthy , she 's thriving , she 's eating like a little piglet . She 's staring at me right now , in fact , 6 : 30 in the morning , wide awake and expecting me to entertain her by continuing to hit the music button on her baby papasan . Looking at her , you 'd never know she 'd spent nearly two weeks in the hospital and had major surgery . In fact , the only evidence of it is the thoracotomy scar across her chest . Most of the time , we 're too busy to reflect on that . Cora keeps us busy , school keeps us busy , friends and family , trying to take a few moments for ourselves , and trying to get enough sleep to function . But sometimes there 's just some little reminder of what we actually went through , what Cora endured , not an objective statement of what occurred , but a reminder of the place and time that makes it all come rushing back , and makes me a little sick to my stomach . Normally , I 'm a pretty cold - hearted bitch ( just ask Husband , he 's the big softy , not me ) . Things don 't usually get to me . But now I have this sore spot . In Medical Liability this week , we were on the duty to treat cases , the main one being a case where an infant is refused medical treatment by an emergency room and the infant dies . I wasn 't so much upset by the fact that someone else 's baby had died forty or fifty years ago , but the words " infant " and " emergency room " were enough to bring back Posted by Has it really been almost a week since my last post ? This week has flown by , and been completely crazy . School , extra - curricular activities , functions , dates , and of course , Cora . Cora : She 's now six weeks old . We finally got real smiles yesterday . She was smiley all day , and she is so alert and active . She also had a pediatrician appointment , and being a little piglet has gotten her up to 7 pounds 15 ounces . She 's no longer in newborn diapers , but in size 1 . Her preemie clothes don 't fit anymore , and her 0 - 3 months clothes finally fit her , instead of swallowing her . She no longer screams when her diaper 's being changed , so long as we play her music . She wakes up only twice during the night to eat , every three hours . She eats four ounces each feeding , and then yacks some back at us . ( Yesterday , Husband was carrying her in the hallway , and she coughed at the same time as spitting up and it shot upward into the air like a fountain and splattered back down onto Husband 's arm , his shoe and the floor . Husband didn 't find that nearly as amusing as I did . ) She 's a lot of fun . Dates : Husband and I went out Tuesday night to see a movie and get some much - needed beer at our favorite watering hole . We saw Sweeney Todd , an upbeat family film , released just in time for the holidays . Seriously though , Johnny Depp did an excellent job , we thoroughly enjoyed the performance . We also thoroughly enjoyed the beer , and stayed much too long . However , we still had trouble getting rid of my mother after we got home ! Functions : Husband 's goddaughter was baptized on Sunday . It was a lovely ceremony . Makes me look forward to Cora 's ! Extra - curricular activities : Planning the Women 's Law Caucus luncheon . We have a new venue and caterer , and a new date , after the old venue closed down . I 'm getting the invitations tomorrow . School : Yep , it 's still there . I like all of my classes , although the int ' l environmental law class is so far really boring , because it 's all economic theory and crap . I 'll be glad when we get to actual law stuff . I 'll be takingPosted by The week was pretty exhausting , but good too . I really like my classes , even if a couple will be pretty difficult . My Italian class is going to be a lot more work than I anticipated . It 's basically a crash course in Italian , with four semesters of grammar crammed into one class . This week 's assignment ? Learn all conjugations for all verb tenses . Geez . Glad I took two semesters of Italian , otherwise , I 'd be putting in a crazy amount of studying for this class . Anyway , a couple of days of being really tired , but we 're making it through . Trying to get into a routine before Husband goes back to work next month . Highlights of this week and weekend : 1 . Buying a baby papasan finally . Cora likes it . It vibrates , plays music , and there 's a little bunny to stare at intently . 2 . Getting through all of my classes and even being prepared for them . Even volunteered to speak in one class , something I never do ( in protest of all the idiots that are in love with the sound of their own voices and waste enough of our class time ) . 3 . Finally getting around to watching the Christmas episode of Doctor Who ( yay ! ) . 4 . Friends in from out of town . 5 . The baptism tomorrow of Husband 's goddaughter . This week I have to work out the details of the WLC luncheon ( the venue we had booked went out of business , so we had to find a new venue ) . I also need to straighten out all the stuff for the hospital bills , work out payment plans and find out the grand totals . Also need to start compiling stuff for tax purposes , like filing our taxes , not the class . Well , the class too , but I can take the exam " whenever . " ( Thank god . ) Anyway , so that 's what 's going on . No deep thoughts today , I 'll save that for another day . I 'll just leave you with some cuteness . How do you know when you completely blow a final ? Good indicators include : 1 . Filling up only half the blue book ( and you write rather large ) ; 2 . Finishing 20 minutes early ; 3 . Falling asleep during the final ( seriously , I lost a good five minutes there ) Good thing I don 't care , otherwise I 'd be really upset . But I 'm just too tired to care . Definitely not ready to be back to school , but it 's not all bad so far . I 've now had all of my law school classes , and tomorrow I 'll have my first Italian grammar class . My favorite class will definitely be Medical Liability . We 're watching a movie tomorrow and Monday . I love any class that will let me watch movies instead of making me read a billion pages of boring case law . Same goes for Evidence . Love it . International Environmental Law will probably be pretty painful . The reading is rather dull , and class isn 't much more exciting . International Trade Law is going to be painful , but for different reasons . The material is more interesting , however , a couple problems . First , the class size is really small , more like a seminar . Which means we 're all expected to participate , a lot . Second , we 're in a classroom that is set up in a big square ( for seminar discussion ) , and our professor is sitting with us . I 'm sitting beside him , ugh . How am I supposed to spend the entire time on Facebook and tuning out my classmates , when the professor has full view of my screen ? Sigh . It 'll be a long semester . But the quandary is whether I should write a paper for the class or not , in lieu of a final . The idea appeals to me , definitely . I have a couple topic ideas , one being fish . The other ideas I have involve Canada . But we 'll see . Anyway , as painful as both classes will be , they will be excellent review for my graduate school comps , and in many ways , they 're like super hard classes from my grad program . I can 't believe I 'm finally going to graduate this semester . It 's rather sad though . I 'm going to miss being part of the school . I 'm going to try to participate in as much as possible this semester . So , very eventful day . Three classes . I went to the daycare center on campus to convince them to take Cora in August . The daycare is an " early childhood development " center , where they employ graduate students to teach the kids , not just feed them , change them and stick them in a swing . Problem is , they go for economic and racial diversiPosted by Cora has been sprung ! The surgeon said we could take her home today , although he had wanted to keep her one more night for observation . But she 's doing great . She 's eating well , and most importantly , breathing well . Lots of lost snuggle time to make up for . Although , I guess I can 't complain too much , since she was only supposed to be born on Friday , and she 'd be coming home today anyway . Crazy ! Terrible shame that I have to be in class tomorrow . But it makes coming home every day even better . Tonight 's nurse is very nice . I was just thinking I was thirsty and should go get something from the cafeteria , and she brings in a pitcher of water . Awesome . Cora 's doing well . Husband and I snuck out for a bite to eat and a beer with our friends during shift change , then we came back to the hospital and I took a nap while Husband snuggled with our daughter . Now Husband 's gone home , and I 'm snuggling with Cora , waiting for her to wake up and eat so I can get some more sleep . When the doctors round in 7 hours , I 'm hoping they 'll say she 's sprung and we can finally go home ! Husband spent last night at the hospital with Cora , who was apparently back to her old self : about 2am she morphs from Sweet Little Bunny to Grumpy Little Gremlin . So , he 's home sleeping while I 'm on duty at the hospital . Cora 's been slightly gremlin - esque today . She 's been rather pissed off . Also , I think the continuous feeding tube has taught her a bad habit - - she wants to eat much more and much more frequently . Fun . I fed her 1 . 5 ounces at 2pm , then at 3 : 30pm she was hungry again , and took 2 more ounces . She was fed , changed and swaddled , but still was fussy . And she was still trying to eat her hand . So I got her a binky , and she actually took it . It didn 't make her go to sleep immediately , but she laid in the bed completely bewildered by the new device and continued to suck on it . She 's slept for the past hour and a half , and is just now starting to move around and be grunty . So , here I am , watching Iron Chef , listening to Cora grunt ( and watching Cat Cora figure out what to do with venison ) . I really should start studying for tax . I really should care about tax . Really . I didn 't get around to updating on Day Ten , I spent too much time at the hospital , sans laptop , and then home , finishing my insurance outline finally . I 'm going to see about taking the insurance final on Wednesday and begging for mercy and getting a couple week extension on taking the tax final . And since Cora 's coming home soon , I 'd best get to studying ! Cora got moved out to the floor yesterday from the PICU . I like the PICU better , but am glad she 's well enough to be out of there . In the PICU she had her own nurse ( if she shared her nurse , it was with only one other patient ) . On the floor , her nurse has lots of patients and they aren 't real attentive . They 're nice enough , and they get you something if you need it , but it 's clear they expect the parents to be there to take care of the kids , not them . Although since they 're getting paid to take care of my kid , I rather think I should be getting total diaper amnesty , but whatever . Husband is spending the night at the hospital with her now , and then I will go there in the morning to relieve him . We 're going to have one of us there at all times , mostly because we 're not real comfortable with the security on the floor . So , basically we get to take care of our kid , but without the convenience and comfort of doing so in our own home . Cora 's still on just a wiff of oxygen , which hopefully she will come off of in the next day or so , and then I don 't see what more they would keep her for . She 's not getting anymore IV fluids , she 's eating well , she 's breathing well , and her incision is healing nicely . She 's doing great , a remarkable change from a week ago when she nearly died . And to think , she was only supposed to have been born yesterday ! She 's lived a pretty full life in these past four weeks . We wonder if Cora won 't be a different baby now that she 'll be completely healthy . She really labored in her breathing before she got sick , which I think contributed to her not eating well , not latching on , and not sucking for comfort . Yesterday , she did something she 's never done Proto Attorney Oh yeah , and I 'm in law school . Reality check back to the land of mediocrity . Actually , this one falls below mediocrity and into the category of craptastic . Torts grade : C . Ouch . Way to kick the ol ' GPA when it 's already down . On one hand I probably should have waited to take the final and not taken it two weeks postpartum . On the other hand , had I waited to take the final , I 'd be taking it next week and it might have been even worse . Oh well , it was only a 2 hour course . Now a C in Tax . . . that one will definitely kill my GPA . Ugh . Honestly , I 'd take a C minus if I didn 't have to actually sit for the four - hour exam . I 've been bad about studying since Christmas . I did really good before then , but I still haven 't even opened my tax supplement . My insurance outline is done , so at least I 'm not a complete slacker . But I really don 't know how I 'm going to cram for an entire semester of tax in a week 's time . Sucks . Oh well . Honestly , I don 't care . Last year , I would have been devastated about that C in Torts . But I know it 's not reflective of my capabilities or my intelligence , and certainly will make no difference in what job I get . So who cares ? I enjoyed the course , I took a lot from it , and I was taking care of a two - week - old baby at the time , attaching a milking device to my breasts every three hours , and still recovering from childbirth . Take away those distractions , and I totally would have pulled at least a B plus . Posted by Cora is off the vent , and the only wiring she has left is the IV , the HR monitor and her little oxygen tube . Her nurse is going to try taking her off the oxygen a little later , and will also try giving her a bottle . It 's possible she could even go home tomorrow ! However , I 'm not getting my hopes up , it 's likely it will be over the weekend , or even the beginning of next week . Still , it 's something to look forward to : she gets to come home soon ! And best of all , we got to hold her ! What a great day ! Even while recovering from major surgery , my kid is still a little ham . Much like her father . Today was a really good day . I think Cora woke up this morning and suddenly decided to get better . First , they were able to completely wean her from the dopamine this morning , her blood pressure has finally stabilized . Then , the doctors decided to take out her chest tube . Finally , they have her ventilator turned down very low , and so long as she handles it well , they 're going to extubate her tomorrow ! She 'll still have the lines in , they 're continuing to wean her from the pain medication but she still needs some , and also , she 's still continuing with antibiotics . No idea how long before she can come home , but being off the ventilator and breathing on her own is huge . She 'll still be on oxygen , but that 's so much better than a vent . And she 'll be able to eat on her own . And we 'll finally be able to hold her again ! I can 't even tell you how relieved we are . We even went out for dinner tonight with a few friends . We were supposed to have the New Year 's party at our house , but when Cora got sick , none of our friends got together anyway . So it was nice to get together , toast the new year , and celebrate our good fortune and good health . I 'm really touched by the outpouring of support from friends ( including all my blogging friends ) . Everyone has been so kind and caring during this difficult time . Honestly , all of the positive energy is exactly what we needed to make it through . I really appreciate the offer for gifts , too . For people who have never met me , and especially those of you who don 't even know my name , to offer to send gifts , wow . I can 't tell you how touched I am by the offer . We really don 't need anything though . We already have everything we need for Cora . We are fortunate enough to have family that has helped us out , we received some generous monetary gifts . Along with our tax refund for 2007 , we will be able to pay off the bulk of our medical bills from the pregnancy and pay off the rest over the next year . Sucks the money has to go to pay medical bills because we were under - insured . It would have been a Posted by One week and counting . It will likely be at least another week , maybe longer , that Cora 's in the hospital . They did the echo , and there were no issues with her heart , which was an enormous relief . The doctor was very encouraging this morning . She said it was no longer a matter of " if " Cora will recover , but rather how long it will take . They don 't want to rush her by taking her off the dopamine and such , and are weaning her very slowly , but they have turned down her ventilator and she 's doing well with that . I 'm looking forward to them removing the chest tube , and hopefully soon after that , the breathing and feeding tubes can come out as well . We 're spending another night at home tonight . We gave up the sleep room , as there is a family there with a child much sicker than ours , and we figured they needed the room more than us . They had locked down the PICU for hours while they worked on the baby . I 'm not sure what 's wrong with the child , but it seemed pretty scary . Seeing the surgical team rushing in there put knots in my stomach , knowing that was us just a couple days ago . If there 's one thing Cora has taught us , it 's to never take a moment for granted . We had 20 wonderful days with our daughter , where we treasured every minute because of how grateful we were that she was alive and healthy when she was born . If those 20 days are all we would ever have with Cora , it would have been a comfort to know we hadn 't squandered them . I remember thinking about this while she was having surgery , while trying to deal with the reality that she might die . We almost didn 't have any more days with her , and as painful as that was , I never want to forget that feeling . I never want to take for granted the blessings in my life , especially my family . So , there 's a New Year 's resolution : appreciate every moment . Happy New Year . . . . 29 year old ( dare you to say otherwise ) graduate of a mediocre law school , stumbling through my legal career in the Bluegrass . Married with a baby , a preschooler , a Labrador and a fish . ( Feel free to contact me by email , but if you do , leave a comment and tell me I have mail , I rarely check this account ! ) ProtoAttorney ( at ) yahoo . com
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I was grateful for those kisses I 'd shared with Eric because I 'd unknowingly gotten a twofer out of the deal . Not only was he a great kisser - it was an easy thing to reckon despite my lack of experience in that area - it was thanks to those kisses that I was able to sufficiently distract myself from where we were going and why . However when we pulled up and parked a little ways down the road from Arlene 's trailer , with me having driven there on autopilot , I could no longer hide from myself why we were there and I nearly leaned across the console to attack his lips with my own just so I could be distracted some more once I realized this was it . No matter what my spotty church attendance might lead some to believe , I really did try to be a good Christian , but I believed in my heart both Gabe and Rene were inherently evil . I already knew going to Bud or Andy would do nothing more than make me look like a vampire sympathizer - which I secretly was - and would only put myself in even more danger when they did nothing to stop either one of them . I 'd already seen what happened to Rene 's victims just for having consensual sex with a vampire , so I could only imagine the horror that would await me if he ever learned I had been the one to free Eric . And while my attendance at Sunday service might have been spotty , I was pretty sure there was a verse in the bible somewhere about ' an eye for an eye ' , so I hoped to be able to justify my own actions when it was my time to stand at the head of the line outside Heaven 's gates . " No ! " I quickly argued , but my denial had nothing to do with my belief in whether or not I could idly stand by and watch him torture and kill two evil men . Over the last few weeks I 'd felt myself slowly changing and after everything I 'd seen from both Rene and that Gabe guy , I truly believed we were doing the right thing . They had nothing to offer the world except for hatred , violence , and pain and while I would suffer if an innocent life was taken - vampire or human - neither one of them fit that bill in my mind . They were monsters , plain and simple , and I had no illusions their deaths would be easy for me to witness , but that I was already prepared to suffer through . My argument over being there with Eric was because I couldn 't stand the thought of him being alone with the two of them , knowing if one of them got free and hurt him - or worse - I would never forgive myself . " No , " I repeated again . Now more sure of myself , I added , " I 'll come . " Looking up into his eyes I could see some hesitation there , but I wasn 't sure what the cause of it was , so I added to my case by saying , " You need me , right ? Whatever they tell you could be a lie , but their secrets aren 't safe with me around . " Eric seemed to be lost in his own thoughts for a moment , but I already knew that was a battle I just couldn 't help him with not being able to read his mind . So I concentrated on Arlene 's trailer hoping at least Coby and Lisa were already asleep . I hadn 't had to use my shields at all over the past couple of days since I 'd only been around Eric and Jason - whose thoughts I 'd been reading as a precautionary measure during dinner - so it was easy to hear the thoughts of everyone inside of Arlene 's home . " Sookie , " Eric said just as I said , " Eric , " at the same time . When I looked over at him he gestured for me to continue , so I said , " They 're not there . It 's just Arlene and the kids inside . " I leaned my head out the window and peered around the front , before settling back into my seat and saying , " And his truck is gone too . Arlene 's in there hoping they stay in Shreveport for a while because Gabe gives her the creeps . " My head was already shaking no when I answered , " They just told her they were meeting up with some of Gabe 's friends in Shreveport . She 's wondering if they 're as creepy as him and hopes Rene doesn 't invite them over . From the tenor of her thoughts , I don 't think they 've been gone for very long , so we probably just missed them . " My anxiety over everything had me ready to jump out of my skin and without waiting for him to say anything , I started the car again before turning back onto the road to head towards Shreveport . I 'd rather drive around all night long than sit there waiting for them to come back and even if we didn 't come across them , they 'd have to return home sometime so we could always go back and find them there later on . I used the oddity over being out at night to distract me from our true purpose , with Eric having remained silent until he unwittingly tried to get us into an accident by saying out of the blue , " You will have dreams of me . " How else could he know about my dreams of him ? But seeing the embarrassment on my face , he only looked back at me apologetically and said , " It is a side - effect of taking my blood . I should have warned you beforehand so you could make an informed decision , but it only occurred to me just now . " I knew he could feel the reaction I had and aside from being aroused , I was embarrassed to be sure . But it wasn 't like he 'd been any better off when I 'd taken his blood . The fact that he was in his second pair of jeans for the night testified to that truth , so I answered dryly , " Why ? " Looking over at him with my eyebrow quirked up , I deadpanned , " Are you dying to know ? " I couldn 't stop from snickering at my lame pun directed at He Who Has No Heartbeat , but his barking laughter had me laughing out loud right alongside him . He was always attractive regardless of what mood he was in , but to see him laugh so freely , he was truly beautiful . I had a feeling it wasn 't something others got to witness often , so I felt proud that I was able to get that kind of reaction out of him . " I will pay you , " he said with his voice hardening . " Ten thousand dollars for your help tonight and another ten for what you 've already done . It should be enough so that you don 't have to work nights for the more lucrative tips . " " No ! " I exclaimed completely affronted . " I didn 't rescue you hoping for some ridiculous payday and that 's not why I 'm here now ! " I added feeling insulted . His voice softened considerably but was still meant to broker no argument as he said , " I never believed that to be the case . That is why you deserve the money all the more and it will help you to live more comfortably . Your gift is a valuable commodity . I would have paid you just as much even if I … " We 'd just taken the exit for Shreveport and as I came to a stop at the first red light , I turned towards him ready to duke it out in the front seat of my car with a thousand year old vampire . Only Eric had other plans because he grabbed the back of my head and leaned over , attacking my lips with his own . His dirty tactics proved he was the better strategist of the two of us because it worked , with me completely forgetting what we were arguing about until he finally pulled away and kept his forehead pressed against my own , saying softly , " We will discuss it further later on . " I put that comment on the backburner to argue over later because I was still trying to gather my wits since Eric 's tongue seemed to have scattered them all to points south of my waist , so I had no idea of where we were going and just followed his directions as he told me where to drive . I rarely drove to Shreveport , but had been there often enough to notice the changes once I was finally able to take in the scenery . Many of the businesses had signs posted on their doors or front windows , in some cases politely stating vampires weren 't welcome there and in others coming right out and crudely declaring ' No Heartbeat , No Entry ' . It sadly reminded me of the Civil Rights Era I 'd studied in school that at times still left me feeling a lingering hurt and shame just for having grown up in the south , even though it had all happened well before I 'd been born . I didn 't agree with the hatred , but I understood the fear behind it and offered softly , " What happened to those people in Dallas was horrible . It was easy for normal folks who were on the fence about vampires to be fearful enough to jump on the bandwagon after seeing what happened . They killed children . " He growled softly , but I didn 't know what caused it until he said , " Yes , they did . The vampires there acted foolishly - recklessly , but it wasn 't as though they hadn 't been provoked . The majority of vampires around the world condemned them for their actions , but Newlin wasn 't without blame . The Fellowship had kidnapped a vampire - a nestmate of Area Nine 's sheriff - and held him captive in their church with the intention of sacrificing him in a sunrise service on the morning after the massacre occurred . " His voice hardened once more as he said , " Tell me Sookie , how many humans would 've been up in arms over seeing a vampire burned to ash for the crime of simply being one ? " I for one would , but I knew I was in the minority . Eric was right . Everyday citizens would have clucked their tongues and shook their heads , but ultimately they would 've returned to their lives without doing a damn thing about it . However , I didn 't think that made what happened to the innocent people in that church okay , but before I could voice that Eric said , " They overreacted . They should 've stormed the church and retrieved their nestmate , leaving the majority of the humans unharmed . They could 've glamoured their way in and left without incident , quietly getting their justice against those who deserved it later on . Killing innocent women and children is reprehensible to most of our kind and what 's left of Area Nine 's vampires have scattered , knowing we will exact punishment against them ourselves for their actions that night . " Since I 'd already been witness to Eric 's brand of punishment against the vampire who 'd licked my face , I could only imagine what he 'd do to any of the ones he 'd just spoken about if he got his hands on one . But it made me feel better knowing he wasn 't okay with what happened to those people too . I just wished people could see that not every vampire was a child killer and didn 't condone their actions . But since their queen - and my almost kidnapper - Sophie - Anne Leclerq 's televised renouncement of what happened only managed to get herself killed , I already knew that wouldn 't be enough to sway the opinions of the public at large . There were a few cars here and there , but the area looked mostly deserted , so he pointed at a nondescript door farther down and said , " That is the entrance to the Hair of the Dog . It is a Were bar , but vampire have been known to frequent it as well . It 's not known to the human population for obvious reasons , but Lanier and his kind could have intel or simply followed a vampire here . And there aren 't any other more obvious places for them to go hunting for one now that my bar is no longer open . " I would 've taken the time to let my dumbfounded brain work through it all , but Rene 's mind wasn 't the only one I 'd heard . There were four more just like his close by and all of them just as hateful . I didn 't know if Eric could handle all of them at once , so I quickly grabbed for my old softball bat that I kept on the floorboard behind my seat and got out of my car as quietly as I could . I couldn 't see them , but I knew their general location thanks to their thoughts and hadn 't registered the vampire void in addition to Eric 's until I heard Rene think , " There 's one . " I willed my feet to remain silent as I moved them more quickly towards them , all while keeping to the shadows . But I knew Eric was closer thanks to his void and I barely had the chance to register the sound of the female 's enraged snarl before the whole lot of Rene and his buddies were shouting . Their thoughts and their words made for a cacophony in my own head , so I couldn 't decipher what was going on until I peered out from behind the dumpster I 'd gotten behind and a squeaked out protest left my own throat . I was too worried about Eric to process it all once I heard the thoughts of one of the other men who was standing directly behind him , thinking about the wooden stake he had tucked away in his pocket . My feet automatically ran forward - much more quickly thanks to having Eric 's blood in my system - with my only thought being I had to get there before he could use it , and I lifted up my bat and swung as hard as I could as soon as I was close enough to make contact . The sickening crunch of his arm breaking made me wince and the bat dropped from my hands , just as the stake dropped from his as he drew his now useless arm to his body . He dropped to his knees crying out in pain , but Eric was merely a blur as he moved too fast for my eyes to register his whereabouts and when he finally came to a halt , we were the only ones left standing . The other four had been knocked unconscious - I could still sense they were alive thanks to my disability . But I was too busy trying to calm my shaking my hands by wringing them together to pay much attention when Eric hesitantly reached for them and stilled them in his own . When my eyes finally managed to look up into his , I could see the regret behind them as he said , " Thank you . I 'm afraid I let my own emotions get the better of me seeing Lanier and the one I assume is Gabe . It seems you have saved me yet again . " His lips quirked up at the corners , but his small smile was more rueful than anything else . However our fisticuffs seemed to have given away our presence . The door to the bar opened , with several people coming out to see what the noise was about , while Eric tore the shirt from the guy I 'd taken down and glamoured him to be quiet . Using the cloth to cover his own hands , Eric ignored the gawkers and sped over to the still trapped female , pulling the silver net free from her body . I 'd been right to be afraid of her because she didn 't even flinch as the net tore pieces of her skin away with it and she only looked even more enraged glaring down at her attackers . But she seemed to force her own anger back as she nodded towards Eric , saying stiffly , " Sheriff . You were presumed dead . " That reminded me of what Eric had said about this being a Were bar and thanks to Sam 's initial reaction meeting Eric , I immediately started trying to scan their minds to see if any of them were threats . Their thoughts were what I could only describe as being red and snarly , similar to the haziness I got from Sam 's head , but I didn 't get anything from them other than their shock seeing Eric alive and well . Well , as alive as he was ever going to be , however I was startled from my own thoughts when the vampire Eric had saved was suddenly in my face . with her fangs bared while she inhaled deeply . Eric 's tension lessened when the other vampire made no move towards me and he only said harshly , " Her scent and everything else about her is mine as well . " His arm moved to point at the shirtless man with the broken arm as he offered , " Feed from that one . If your fangs ever get near what is mine again , you will lose them . Have I made myself clear ? " Thalia 's responding , " Yes sheriff , " could be heard just before the vicious sounds of her feeding from the man whose arm I 'd broken drowned it out and I quickly turned away so I wouldn 't have to see it . Everything I was hearing coming from her feeding from him was nothing like when Eric had fed from me and perhaps sensing my repulsion , Eric moved once more to place himself in between us . I heard the man 's body hit the ground with a thud only moments later , but I didn 't dare look over because I already knew from the disappearance of his mind that he was dead . " Change your plans , " Eric replied without sympathy . I might have been a little perturbed over his display of highhandedness on this Herveaux 's behalf , but considering I was just fangbanger trash , I only smiled at the Were seeing he could no longer hide his annoyance . " You will remain and do as you 're told until I no longer have need of you , " Eric finished . It was a case of the chicken or the egg - which came first ? Was he turned on because he 'd felt my twinge of lust or was it something else ? Something to do with the fight or all of that possessive mine crap he 'd been spouting ? Did it really matter considering that look in his eyes was doing a massive amount of damage to both my sense of propriety and my panties ? I didn 't struggle when his arms wrapped around me like two steel bands and instead I sunk into him . Lord only knew what else I would 've allowed him to do if the sound of Rene 's moan hadn 't brought me back to reality . But remembering we weren 't alone , I tried to get him to snap out of it by whispering into his chest , " Eric . " As soon as I peeked around Eric and he saw my face , Rene 's shock turned into hatred as he spat out , " It was you ! YOU set that abomination free ! You 're nothing but a fangbanging whore ! " Rene seemed to have forgotten all about me , with his eyes widening now seeing the vampire he 'd done unspeakable things to standing freely in front of him . I could see in his thoughts he was remembering every injury he 'd inflicted upon my apparent future lover ( we would so be having a discussion about that later on ) and his eyes traveled over Eric 's broad form , looking for signs of any of the damage he 'd worn only two nights earlier . His mouth fell open when they came to rest on his hands , seeing all ten of his fingers right where they belonged . Eric must have guessed what Rene was thinking because he lifted his hands and wiggled those ten fingers in his face , taunting , " You like ? I know how much you liked my last set , but I 've grown quite fond of my new ones . I 'll be keeping them , however … I wonder if you 'll like your next set of fingers as much as you like the ones you have now . " I scarcely saw Eric move and Rene only had time to react after the fact by crying out in pain as Eric held up his now detached pointer finger . Using it to jab at Rene 's forehead with the bloodied side , he painted it red , as he said with mock sympathy , " Oh … I forgot . Your fingers can 't regrow like mine can . " Eric shook his head ruefully and clucked his tongue , while Rene continued to cry holding his mangled right hand to his chest . But his next sob got stuck in this throat when Eric said , " Silly me , but now that I 've already started , I should probably go ahead and just finish the job to make both sides even , shouldn 't I ? " Rene violently shook his head no and then cried out again when Eric suddenly held up two newly detached fingers from Rene 's left hand . He sucked his teeth in exasperation , saying , " Oops ! I took one too many . I 'll just have to even it out . " I couldn 't watch anymore as Eric went back and forth , ripping fingers off of each of Rene 's hands and pretending to take one too many from each side until there were none left to take . But I had no sympathy for him because my memory of the blood encrusted state I 'd found Eric in was enough to make me stand firm . I 'd seen everything he 'd done to not just Eric , but to his sister and Maudette too . So that was what gave me peace with what was now happening to him and I idly wondered if he 'd ever read the bible at all , much less the verse that said ' Do unto others as you would have done to you . ' Gabe and the remaining two had woken up as well . Rene 's screams could have woken up the dead , but they remained quiet and stayed where they were , probably due to their survival instincts kicking in , but it was already too late for that . My eyes squeezed shut when I heard a sickening crunch as Rene 's scream suddenly got cut off and then a wet ripping sound followed by a thud . One of the other men in Gabe 's gang leaned over and threw up , which oddly disgusted me more than what I was sure happened to Rene , so I looked away and tried not to focus on any one thing when Eric was suddenly in my face again . His arms held me in place as he pressed himself against me and I could feel what he was feeling pressed against my stomach . I didn 't know if it was me or taking out his revenge on the man that had tortured him that had Eric so randy , but future lover discussion notwithstanding , nothing could happen between us right now . Rene hadn 't exactly gone quietly into the good night and we still had an audience of four Weres , three kidnappers , two dead bodies , and a vampire . Rate this : Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . 12 comments on " Chapter 9 - An Eye for an Eye " leslieg says : August 14 , 2012 at 9 : 57 pm Excellent ! ! ! Can 't wait to see what Eric does to Gabe ! ! ! iloveericsookie says : September 8 , 2012 at 12 : 34 am Absolutely love this , as with everything else you have written . Keep up the awesome job and cant wait to read more . Love that rene is finished with and gabe is about to be sorry themoresmutthebetter says : April 17 , 2013 at 2 : 46 pm I got a chuckle out of Eric 's finger plucking game with Rene , ' " Oops ! I took one too many . I 'll just have to even it out . " ' ; also Sookie 's twisted version of the 12 Days of Christmas and her wondering about whether or not elves were real . kleannhouse says : August 8 , 2013 at 2 : 36 pm loved this one , Eric exacting his revenge on Rene . I wish he would have been the one to kill all those who hurt Sookie in the books , it would have been awesome . KY catch93 says : February 11 , 2014 at 3 : 17 pm Love the violence and the way Sookie is dealing with it . Prefer this Sookie much more . Keep up the great work and please update soon . gwynwyvar says : September 27 , 2014 at 9 : 19 pm Sirens ? With all that blood ? Decapitation isn 't something that cloud be cleaned up with a tissue in 5 seconds . Alcide has his work cut out for him . DISCLAIMER My fanfiction stories are derivative and / or transformative not - for - profit works , based off of characters created by Charlaine Harris , from her Sookie Stackhouse Series . The characters ' names ( and sometimes their locations and backgrounds ) are her babies . But how I play with them here , in my rainbow colored world , are my own . WordPress . com Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . The TB / SVM Writers Directory : Fangfuckingtastic FanFictionficlit78Come for the TB smut , stay for the AB NegCalifornia KatA Writer of True Blood / SVM FanFictionBrainmates FictionStories written by Makesmyheadspin & Scribeninja can be found here . Welcome ! Dirty LemonsWhere porn and angst collide . Missy DeeMakesmyheadspin " Be still when you have nothing to say ; when genuine passion moves you , say what you 've got to say , and say it hot . " - D . H . LawrenceEricIzMine FanFiction
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Why do we hurt one another ? I hate that people hurt one another . Vowing revenge is not the answer . I find all of this quite disturbing . I do not like it when we hurt each other . It is about the female v male dynamic . I think it is disgusting when a man vows revenge on a woman online . I think it is disgusting when a woman destroys a man 's life and character online . It seems like the internet has given people an extra outlet to be nasty . I wish we as adults would just grow up and move on . I guess it is easier said than done . It speaks of immaturity and a lack of character on the avenger 's part . That is just how I feel about it . I am here to write that I wish that men and women would at least try to get along . There is so much that we as humans can do to heal one another . There is so much hatred , enmity , dishonesty , and a lack of communication towards one another . It seems as if though chivalry and respect has all but died . That is so so sad . Why can 't men just move on and not vow revenge when a woman hurts them ? Why can 't he grow up ? Why can 't a woman not try to expose or kill a man , or at least tries to ? I understand anger and hurt , but there is no more sorry excuse than all is fair in love and war . Wrong is still wrong no matter what . Where is our sense of morality ? I find myself caught up in this because it is a sad state of affairs . Men should be gentlemen , but many are not . Women should be ladies and carry themselves well just as we wish a man would do the same thing , but many of us don 't . We as humans have made excuses , lie , and just do disgusting , selfish things to hurt one another . I wish that human beings would take the time to heal and to be real to one another . I find myself only with the male v female dynamic and that is true . There are men who hate men and women who hate women , too . I have not forgotten that . . . not at all . I hope to continue to run the race that God calls me to run , whatever plan God has for me . The winner in a track and field race goes to the swift . He or she has endured grueling training for said race . That is what a Christian has to endure . The Christian walk is more than a walk . It is a race . It is a race to the finish . It is a tough race with all with requires much sacrifice . Christians will have to die to self daily and could or rather , will lose everything . We are to love the Lord more so than even our families . Being a Christian is about being dedicated and also not just about being loving , but being strong and tough . I have learned a lot even in the past year with toughness . I didn 't think I could fight and fight against the wiles of the enemy . It has been hard as I have been finding myself overwhelmed at times , many , many times . It has not been easy . Being a believer is quite hard . But being a Christian living a hard life is worth it . There are believers who suffer even worse persecution than I because I live in a country where there is a Constitution where one of our rights is freedom of religion . Many countries don 't have that right . Many people in other countries don 't believe in " tolerance " of other religions . That is what is going on . Many believers are killed daily and others had to worship God in secret . Some have been beaten , others have been brutalized , and some have even lost their homes and churches . People in America have little understanding what Christians in other nations have to endure . I have to remind myself of the endurance they have to endure . My issues seem petty compared to what they go through . I feel guilty about being self - involved . I wish I could understand fully what others go through . Many people have even greater crosses to bare yet it seems that I have been wrapped up with my own issues . I hope that by writing this , I am able to put it all into perspective . I need to get out more . How do I go about getting out more ? It is a good thing for me . In fact , getting out more is a good thing for everyone . I have been more of a loner for much of my life . I have gotten used to it but over time , there are things that I wished to have done . I am not sure how I will get to that point with what I do have . How should I practice talking to people ? My limits prevent me from doing so , but what are my limits ? I am a shy person and having a bunch of people looking at me especially is scary . But the upside is at least they are paying attention . I am not good at handling social situations well and conflict is something that I need to work on . I am passive agressive which means what it says . I am passive and aggressive . There is no middle ground . I don 't have much of an idea how to assert myself without coming across as someone who is rude . I care way too much what others think of me . I have had that struggle for years . With the world as it is , it is an even scarier place than it is for most . There are times when I wish all would simply fade away . Then there are things that just do and nothing can be done about it . There are times when I wish the faded memories would just be revisited and come back . Then there are things that remain . Right now I am listening to " Everything Fades Away " by Mariah Carey . Even though this is a romance song , I can recall things in my life that have faded away and that are fading away . I can recall them with fondness and I can recall others with joy and with sadness . If I could bottle Mickey Rourke 's sexiness I would . He has become one of my favorite actors . In the words of TLC , he is indeed crazy , sexy , cool . There isn 't much that I will or can write tonight . The point to this message is that big things come in small packages . There are no need for big speeches at times . Sometimes a small prayer or a short speech will do . Sometimes they can be more heartfelt . I shall remember that little miracles happen everyday and it is the little things that I need to take the most notice of so that I can get the big picture . It is amazing how grateful I am now . All of a sudden I am grateful . I feel like such a hypocrite for everyday that I am alive I should take the time to be grateful . We who are blessed in some way should be grateful . There are people who do have harder and have had harder times than I have had . I sound selfish I guess . Being grateful is a godly quality just having holiness and being faithful . How can one who is a believer not be grateful ? How can one who is not a believer not be grateful ? One of my pet peeves is when one is ungrateful . I have been writing letters to God as of late and I am concerned that I will replace those letters for actual prayers . I don 't know or understand why I am so lazy in my prayers at times . It is very hard to say what I want to say to the Lord . But I am reminded that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us in our praying . Paul writes that in Romans , where there is no condemnation for believers . What a sexy , romantic song ! Toni Braxton 's song is so amazing . I love songs like this . It is deep and passionate . They need to make better music like this . Maybe they are out there . . . wait , there is . Alicia Keyes and Bruno Mars are still standing , lol . Music most definitely soothes the savage beast . The savage beast I am referring to is obsessive thoughts . This past weekend I have not taken the time to write a few musings to this blog . Here I am to write . Music is a great healer . It is universal thus it is a univeral healer , especially if one is depressed , manic , or just bored . Well , yesterday I have been feeling depressed and bored , which is not a good combination . Listening to classical and inspirational music was the ultimate cureall for me . I personally just love music . There just isn 't enough that I can say about it . I just love singing to it , not just listening to it . I am no professional singer , but I am working on it , lol . Music helps me to forget all of the doldrums of the day . The only downside to music for me is that it can take me to places that maybe I don 't want to go . However , maybe I should since music is therapy . I just realized this . I am a part of a forum in which others like myself are trying to lose weight . I live in a society that does not love people of size as we are so - called . We are mocked , ridiculed , and called names . It is as though people who are larger , overweight , obese , or fat don 't have feelings . People often make excuses for bad behavior and this is no different . Some people stereotype . Others point out to preference but some point out to health as a reason to judge , mock , and discriminate . I though that those things were and are still wrong . I wonder about moral and sexual issues and this is a moral issue , at least in my mind . There are some people who do equate obesity with a moral issue . Something is twisted and wrong about this . One of the messages here in this statement is that obesity equates to a moral failure , which is simply not the case with most people who are larger . While obesity is not healthy , it is not a crime . Eating unhealthy foods is a choice made by individuals and so is losing weight for one 's health . It is based ultimately on what the individual chooses to do . If we were to lose weight for other people or because society thinks it is wrong , then one might as well stay overweight . I didn 't mean to sound cruel as I am overweight myself . But if one wants to be of a healthier weight , whether or not they are 230 lbs overweight or 25 lbs underweight , then that is their choice . No one else should have a say so except for them and their healthcare provider . I never understood why society seems to worry more about someone 's weight more so than even the person who has the weight issue . I may be wrong but I don 't wish to say that all people who are fat , obese , or overweight , or even skinny or underweight has a self esteem problem or does not , but it is a shame that people live in a shallow society where fat is equated with anything bad . The news is most people don 't fit the standard of beauty that is acceptable in our society , whether they are young , male , female , old , black , white , thin , or fat . God created all of us , but it is up to us to take care of ourselves regardless of what we look like or how much we weigh . I have written about my weight struggles and if I come across as a hypocrite , then I certainly don 't mean to . I just don 't understand why it seems okay for people to put down others and discriminate against others because of how they look . Why is it okay for some people to make fun of and look down on a fat woman because she isn 't a size 2 ? Most people in the US are not a size 2 . The average woman in the US is not tall or thin . The truth is there are many reasons why a person gains weight and there is no need for them to explain themselves . Why do people have to explain why a person gains weight ? Why should it matter ? All overweight people are not ignorant , lazy gluttons . Nor are overweight people nasty , unattractive , and smell bad . Whatever happened to our Christian - founded nation being tolerant of others ? How ironic that I asked that , huh . I have pretty much identified all of my major thoughts but the one that sticks out is the obsessive thoughts on a certain actor and all that is connected to it . I hate his ex - wife for what she did to him . She had the gall to write a book about him and even lie on him . I cannot stand her . He was no angel but you can tell he still loves her . Those are what my mind says . Yes , the ex - wife wrote the book about him claiming abuse , but it could be true . I don 't know her and I never will . It is okay to fantasize I guess but it has gotten to the point where I am even questioning my faith . I even wonder as a Christian if I am committing idolatry since it is taking time away from God . Am I worshipping the ex - husband ? Do I know the ex - husband ? Will my fantasies come true ? The answer to all of these questions is no . Interestingly enough , nearly all of my obsessive thoughts surround the male v female dynamic . Why are men and women in greater enmity than ever before ? Why do men and women seem to lack respect for themselves and one another ? What has gotten wrong in our US society and the world at large ? Men has been wussified and women are being oppressed . That could be what is wrong here . Men are supposed to be moral , strong , and leaders . Women are supposed to be moral , classy , strong , and self - respecting . Those traits are or seem to be lacking in both genders . There are revenge sites , vengeful ex - wives , and murderous spouses everywhere you look . It is a sad case of enmity and a total lack of respect between the sexes . Crimes have been committed against women including rape and men are often the silent victims of abuse by their wives . Women and men cheat on one another , lie to one another , use one another , and end up divorced . The world is a sad place with its sad people and their sad state of affairs . I feel like with all of that the world is an awful place to live . We all could use a dose of the truth . Where does the truth lie ? Do we have our own truth ? Does it lie in all of us ? Or is there a greater Truth ? The Greater Truth isn 't too far away as I have discovered . I realize that because of these obsessive thoughts , I have had the burden of the world on my shoulders . The Truth is , that there is no need to have to carry the world 's burden on my shoulders . I am in the world , but not of the world . I have an issue but it doesn 't have to defeat me and neither do these thoughts . I realize that if someone else commits infidelity , I have to realize that they are the ones in the wrong , not I . I also realize that if someone posts videos and pics of their exes online then they are the ones with the character flaws , not me . If someone cheats on you , going online dogging him out won 't really solve any problems in the long run . I live in a world where I am a grow up . Now I have realize that I need to grow up and so does the rest of the world . I have obsessive thoughts about a celebrity and everyone and everything connected with it . I am currently seeing a therapist for it . I also take medication and while it helps with the obsessions , it does little to help with the compulsions . I even began to hate one of the people involved in my obsession for what she did to him . She wrote a book about him and supposedly did other horrible things , but he loved her nevertheless . She supposedly knew what buttons to push . Here is the problem : I don 't know how much of the book or the pushing buttons is true . In reality I don 't care , but reality says one thing . The thoughts say to hate this person and to obsess about the one I care about . It is silly and it makes no sense , but that is what has been going on in this brain of mine . Everyday is an uphill battle . Is it important ? It is only important to me if I allow it to me . I have to constantly ask these questions which have been helpful but even those questions can be draining . I wonder if all of this is part of a spiritual battle . I have noticed that even with the thoughts about infidelity I have drawn closer to God . I have had thoughts about infidelity and obsessions about people since I could remember . Hearing about a woman , watching a sex scene , reading , or watching an adulterous woman bothers me . Why , I don 't know ? I think that all of us have committed spiritual infidelity . I have myself because I haven 't always been faithful to God . I have learned to avoid anything dealing with infidelity but it can be hard . I hate the idea of avoidance because my world has gotten smaller and smaller and smaller . Maybe I need to take steps to make the world a bigger place . I wrote a letter to God and I plan on writing even more . That is my musing for today . I plan , rather , as a Christian realize the vitality of being close to the Lord . Getting close to the Lord is of utmost importance to me . I admit that I don 't spend enough time with God and I have prayed to get closer to God , but I realize that I have made little effort to spend time with Him . Prayer is very important to the life of a believer , but so is spending time with the Creator . He wants a relationship with the believer , not lip service . I believe that there is too much lip service in the church and not enough truth , but that is not what I am here to write about . Posted by Faith , hope , and love are three things that a Christian needs and should possess . It is hard to be a Christian . It is not an easy life as a Christian is in the world , but not of the world . There is much persecution against Christians and we have to be strong in the face of persecution . This has gone on for thousands of years and it is still going on . As an American , I can only imagine what Christians in other nations go through . Many have been raped , their churches burned , and others have been killed . We as Christians need to pray for other believers , especially those who have been persecuted for their faith . exercise , and medications are not all I need . I also need to relax and exercise more . I will formulate a plan that I will indeed follow . It can be difficult but I will stick to it . Yesterday , I wrote about priorities . My first priority is to God . I am to be a faithful , fearless servant of His . Life can be difficult but being a Christian is an exciting adventure . I love the Lord and I told Him that I will live for Him and serve Him all the days of my life . Living a life of dignity and character is part of what is being a believer . Speaking of fearless , I admit that my life has been ruled by fear . My greatest fear is fear of God and fear of the unknown . I also admit that my fears have been religious as well as secular . As a person with OCD , I realize that being uncertain is something that is deeply rooted , but not within myself . It is part of the disorder . Life I know is too short so being a Christian involves an uphill battle and fighting each and every day . This is the case even if one doesn 't feel like it . As an American , I can only imagine what believers in other nations go through . They are persecuted in ways that Americans will never contemplate , or will we ? I know that I am jumping from topic to topic , but fear is really the focus of today 's blog . I wish that I could get to the point where fear is all I have to fear . I wish that I could fear God and God alone , but I realize that the fear that I have is paralyzing . I fear others , I fear family , I fear my own shadow sometimes . Fear is something that I have to overcome for the Good Book says that perfect love casts out fear . I realize that we as believers have to have a sound mind , but when one is bipolar and has OCD , that is easier said than done to accomplish . There is fear and anxiety on every corner . Fear is the opposite of faith I realize that , for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real . That is what is like having OCD where there is much false evidence appearing real . I fear what others think and I have low self - esteem which may be the root of all of my fears . That is something that I need help with . How do I deal with this fear ? How would perfect love casts all of my fears ? I do need wisdom and strength in the tough times which seems to be every time . I feel great about revealing Mickey Rourke as my crush / obsession . The funny thing is I don 't know how or when it started . He was and is so sexy he kept me up at night , lol . Seriously , I do think that he is a sexy and talented actor . He was especially sexy in 9 1 / 2 Weeks , Diner , Expendables , and Iron Man 2 . Well , that is enough about Mickey Rourke . My thoughts are over . Any connection that I have with Mickey Rourke are over . I have been obsessing over him for a while and I was afraid that it wasn 't becoming healthy . This obsession reminds me of an obsession that I had over another guy , but I forgot who . I realize that obsessions are unhealthy and that I need a social life , but how to go about having a social life ? I don 't know . I need to prioritize my life . Who or what is important to me ? What meaning do I want to have in life ? In other words , what is my purpose here ? Why am I here ? What is the Divine Plan for me ? Why did God put me here ? I need help with my health for starters . I have been at a plateau for a while . I need to realize that I am losing weight yet I feel it has been too slow . I do need to eat healthier and exercise more . I like the idea of moving around , but exercising more has been hard . For a while I wasn 't sure if I was physically able . Now I wonder if that is just an excuse . I have learned not to put off for tomorrow what I could do today . I also need to relax . I am an extreme type A personality which means I could be a minute away from a walking heart attack because I have a difficult time dealing with stress . I have been overwhelmed and just tired . Having OCD is an uphill battle . It is a constant battle of the mind . Sometimes I feel like just giving up . I also need to take a couple of steps back and see what I need to prioritize . One day and moment at a time . It is all confusing and such . There is so much I want to do . The problem is that I have accomplished little in my life , or so it seems . I am over my obsession . I can finally beat it . I am doing well now and I am thankful to the Lord above . With God , all things are possible . I feel great . I have learned that if something is on the back of your mind , then you are not truly over it . I am over it and it hasn 't been on the back of my mind . The obsessive thoughts don 't bother me and I feel so much better . Who was the obsession in question ? Well , I am nervous about revealing said person so I guess it no longer matters since I am over it . I slept well last night and everything . I had a rough experience with a crush or two and revealing his name seems like a jinx or something . I am having a fear of what others may say if I were to reveal my crush / obsession . The man in question is an actor , and a good one at that . He was good looking as a young man and is just as sexy now as an older guy . He was just pretty to look at when he was younger . Anyways , I don 't know why I care so much what others think . Do they care what I think ? No , I doubt it . I have learned that when one cares what others think then you give them power and you lose a piece of your own self . It is a trap and a giant one . My world became smaller as a result . Maybe I should be more courageous and reveal the person . But before I reveal said person , I would like to say that confession is good for someone with OCD because it is a way of facing my thoughts head on . It is also good for the soul and the heart because of the anxiety . I am so anxious about revealing this person I have no idea . It all started when I and everyone else including my friends believe that I was not the right kind of person to have a crush on such a guy . This was back in high school . In college , things got worse as I made a fool out of myself because I was so obsessed with this guy . The only way that I got over that one was to be removed from the University I attended , and thus , move away from the guy . It was a great thing that happened to me . I got saved just before then and I realized that God revealed himself to me in difficult to understand ways , okay , rather mysterious ways . I went to another college , graduated from said college , then went on to graduate school , and finally found out who my real friends were . I was a lonely person who was often made fun of and taken advantage of and I am still dealing with that until this day . I am learning to stand on my two feet . My voice is just as important as all others and now I will reveal my current crush . It is Mickey Rourke . There . I said it . It is Mickey Rourke . Today has been an eventful day . Being proactive is a great way to live . It is great prevention from living in a rut and staying in a cycle . That is what has happened today , but I can 't help but think that I did the right thing even though I am not . I feel like things have gotten too slow yet I have been told I am on the right track . It is a frustration that I am going through right now . I am hopeful that with a little discipline and a little bit of divine intervention , all will be well . I hope this is a case of much ado about nothing . The greatest thing that a frustrated Christian can realize is that God is there for them . I have been frustrated all day today because of some obsessive thoughts that I have had . It is frustrating to have OCD because you feel like you have the burden of the whole world on your shoulders as well as on your mind . God is there for me every step of the way and I thank Him for that . The Value of True FriendshipThe Bible writes much about the value of friendship and defines what a true friendship is . Jesus defined for us what a true friend is , for He was not only a great Teacher , but also one who showed Himself a True Friend . His definition of being a friend is one who is entrusted with sacred or secret details . A friend is a person who is trustworthy and one who is willing to entrusts . A friend is one who you show loyalty and who will show loyalty to you in return . Friends are faithful and honest towards one another . They care about each other 's well being ; they make sacrifices for one another , as Jesus has laid his life for us . Jesus said in John 15 : 12 - 15 , " My command is this : Love each other as I have loved you . Greater love has no one than this , that he lay down his life for his friends . You are my friends if you do what I command . I no longer call you servants , because a servant does not know his master 's business . Instead I have called you friends , for everything that I have learned from my Father I have made known to you . " Though it seems contradictory to what I defined my definition of a friend , Micah 7 : 5 writes , " Do not trust a neighbor ; put no confidence in a friend . " God 's Word was saying that at that time , people will betray one another including your family . Sadly for every true friend that is out there , there are also people who are not true friends to one another . David writes on the pain of being betrayed by one he considered a confidant . In Psalm 41 : 9 he writes , " Yea , mine own familiar friend , in whom I trusted , which did eat of my bread , hath lifted up [ his ] heel against me . " It is a shame that in this world , there are some people who don 't know or understand the value of true friendship . But God does . God will never leave us , slander us , abuse us , be pretentious towards us , nor forsake us . God is a Jealous God and He wants us to serve Him and Him only . Not only are we God 's friends , we are His Children as well . Like Jonathan and David in 1Samuel , we too have a covenant thatPosted by The Bible provides much encouragement for its believers . We are to be encouraged because of the blessings of being a child of God . We are to be encouraged because we worship a God that we have a relationship with . Our God is an omnipotent , omniscient God . He knows all of our suffering because when He was tried , beaten , mocked , and then crucified on that cross in Calvary . But we are to be encouraged all the more encouraged because He rose from the dead on the third day . He is our Lord and Savior and we are to worship the Lord in Spirit and in Truth . He is the one and only True God . We can have a personal relationship with Him for He is not a cold , lifeless , manmade diety that we have to appease . He heals , saves , and delivers . He forgives sins , no matter what how deep you are in your sins , for He is the God of hope . ( The only sin He does not forgive is when blasphemes the Holy Spirit . ) We are joint - heirs with our Lord and Savior , Jesus Christ . We have an inheritance that is eternal . We can have eternal life if we repent , confess that Jesus is Lord , believe that God raised Him from the dead , keep His commandments , and walk in His ways . We strive to be more Christ - like daily which means we walk the walk and walk the talk . We are to live holy lives in service to God . It means that despite our narrow walk , there will be troubles along the way . But despite all of our troubles , we are not alone in our suffering even though it does seem that way . We should be encouraged and give glory to our God because we can and are strengthened by our troubles . If we are sick , Jesus heals . If we have sinned , we can confess our sins and He cleanses us from our unrighteousness . If we are struggling , there is grace to help in time of need . If we are persecuted , we can stil have joy . If we are need of salvation , Jesus is the only One who can help . We as believers have much to be thankful for . We should be thankful that our names are written in Heaven . We should not be troubled at the things of the world . If we are anxious we can cast our carPosted by Discipline is like being proactive . It is true . You have to take action , yet discipline requires more than taking action . It takes strength and continuity . Discipline is something that I have a hard time with . I guess most people have great difficulty being disciplined . I could not count the numerous times when I wished that my goals were accomplished because I felt that I was not disciplined enough . I had to ask myself why couldn 't I have done this before . I had to conclude that a question like that would be futile because better late than never . The past can never be changed so at least there are the present and the future . No one tells us that we have to learn to make the same mistakes over and over again . The great thing about life is that we can learn from them . I was thinking about discipline because of my weight . I feel like I am at a plateau . It takes discipline , lots of it to diet , exercise , and take my medication for other conditions . It takes a toll on me sometimes but I have to remind myself that discipline is important and that diet , exercise , and medication are necessary . To be a disciplined person , one 's mindset has to change and that is what I had to do . My mindset had to change yet it is easier said than done . I had to not mull over it but to put it into action and think about the pros and cons of diet , exercise , and medication . The biggest pro would be a healthier me . The biggest con would be an unhappy , unhealthy me who is still wondering why things aren 't going her way . Well , cons since they obviously outweigh the pros in this case . But discipline is a lesson well - learned . This song is just magnetic and hypnotic . It is a Tuareg song . The Tuaregs are a Berber speaking people from North - Western Africa . Sadly , I know little about them , but the music is just amazing . I would like to take the time to tell you that I enjoy all types of music . God gave us the gift of music to share with the world . Music like knowledge is power and has power . It inspires , it educates , and it can create . Music is a beautiful thing . Music is a universal language . What Must I do to be Saved ? Elizabeth Friedlin was at the end of her rope . She had no idea how to get out of the situation she was in . Bill collectors kept calling , her marriage was in trouble , her kids were becoming rebellious , and because of the stress she was dealing with , she was always anxious . She never seemed to know what to do how to handle her situation . Elizabeth had been overwhelmed . Her husband , Bill , and her constantly fought about everything . There was no trust and as it seemed , no love , between the two . Their 17 year - old daughter , Tiffany , was in a relationship with a guy they didn 't approve of . He had a rap sheet " a mile long " . He had been in trouble with the law since he was 12 . In the past , he had been in juvenile hall for assault and battery . It also doesn 't help that they have heard things about those he associates with , or rather . They believed that you are by the company you keep , so they did not like him at all and felt he was no good for their daughter . What Elizabeth and Bill didn 't seem to realize is that Tiffany rebelled was because of her parents ' in - fighting . To make things worse , her 15 year - old brother London rather hung out with his friends and avoided his parents . Then one day she hears a knock on her door . It was Mrs . Winders , the old widow from across the street . " Hello , Lizzie . " " May I come in , dear ? " " Yes , Mrs . Winders , come in . " Mrs . Winders was a short , petite elderly woman of about 85 years old . She had a sweet face , wore thin - rimmed glasses , and has fluffy gray hair . " Yes , Ma ' am , come in . Did someone bring you ? " Mrs Winders answered , " My daughter and grandchildren are going to the store to buy a few things and I told her I wanted to be at your house to discuss an important matter with you . " Mrs . Winders walked in . She wanted to tell her about the rash of recent robberies occurring in the neighborhood . She began to nod , " It is terrible what has been going on lately . No one is safe in their own homes anymore . I remember when we didn 't hAs Elizabeth begins to cry , Mrs . Winders provided the shoulder to cry on that she needed . " Elizabeth , God hears you . He knows what is going on . " Elizabeth has doubts about what is going on . " Then how come everything is so wrong in my home ? " Mrs . Winders answers her questions the best way she knew how . " Lizzie , do you have a Bible somewhere ? " Elizabeth was quite surprised that she would ask her this , especially since she hasn 't read the large white Family Bible that was passed down to her after her mother died . " I 'll get it . " Elizabeth gets the dusty Family Bible she kept stored in the study next to the living room . The fact that she was holding the Bible made her nervous . Her anxiety began to grow once she walked closer to where Mrs . Winders was sitting . " I 'm back . Here you go , Mrs . Winders . I hope it 's not too heavy for you . " After a brief laugh , Mrs Winders responded , " Yes , dear , it is a little heavy . " " Why don 't I hold it for you ? " Mrs . Winders have noticed that Lizzie looked nervous . " Lizzie , what 's the matter ? " Elizabeth began to confess , " I admit that I have not been reading the Bible as much . I am not the religious type . The reason why is because I don 't have such a strong faith in God is because of my mother 's death , things seem to have changed , and not for the better . My mother was a rock for me . She has been there for me in times of good and bad . She has been there for me when I was in having troubles in school , when I was in need , everything . Now she is no longer hear and I don 't know what to do . I don 't know how to move on . " Mrs . Winders listened intently , " Sweetie , why don 't you turn to the Book of Psalms . Turn to Psalms 18 and read verse 2 . " Elizabeth reads , " The LORD is my rock , my fortress and my deliverer ; my God is my rock , in whom I take refuge . He is my shield and the horn of my salvation , my stronghold . " God is a rock ? What does the horn of my salvation mean ? " Mrs . Winders responds , " The Lord protects us and guides us . He iMrs . Winders did not understand who she was referring to , but Lizzie told her it was her mother . " My mother died last year and it has been hard . " Mrs . Winders told her she could relate . Her husband , Dr . David J . Winders passed away of heart failure 15 years ago and she took his death hard . " Mrs . Winders , did you believe in God then ? " " Yes I did , Lizzie . But God never said that being a Christian was going to be easy . The reason why I wanted you to read that verse is because not only is God strong , but that no matter what you are going through , God will make a way for you . He certainly made a way for me . I am at peace that David is with the Lord . " Elizabeth asked , " Mrs . Winders , you don 't miss him ? You don 't grieve for him ? " Mrs . Winders responds , " Of course I will always miss him . We have been together for 35 years . But giving up on God is the worst thing you can do or you will end up overwhelmed . It is easier said but it is the truth , Lizzie . You do know I will never steer you wrong . " Smiling , Elizabeth says , " Yes , ma ' am , I know . I 'm starting to feel better already . " " I 'm glad you do . Now turn over to Psalm 92 and go to verse 15 . " " Verse 15 . " proclaiming , " The LORD is upright ; he is my Rock , and there is no wickedness in him . " I had no idea about God except for what my mother taught me . She was a good Christian woman , Mrs . Friendlin , and she taught us about putting God first and that Jesus saves . But with everything that has happened , I have a hard time believing that . " Elizabeth , I am not forcing you into anything , but with God , there are no ifs , ands , or buts . Either you are with him , or against Him . " Elizabeth was surprised . " What are you saying , Mrs . Winders ? " " Lizzie , what I am saying is your mother was right . If you want help , I am giving you help . God can help . Put your trust in Him and He will see you through . Now turn to the Book of James , it is near the back of the Bible . " Elizabeth looked through the Table of Contents and nearly flipped half the Bible over to turn to the book of James . " Have you found it ? " " Yes , Ma ' am , I have . " " Now go to verse 4 . " " Verse 4 . " You adulterous people , don 't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God ? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God . " I don 't understand . What does this have to do with our conversation ? " Adulterous ? " " Elizabeth , it means being unfaithful but to God . If you are not faithful to Him , then you are not with God . If you are faithful , then you truly love Him . The world is filled with sin , greed , selfishness , and hate . Jesus Christ died for us so that we might surrender to God and be faithful to Him . " The car horn is honking ; someone then knocks on the door . It is Mrs . Winders ' 9 year - old granddaughter , Haley . " Who is it ? " " It 's Haley . " " Oh well , it is time for me to go . Remember everything I told you . It is life saving . Oh , I will talk to you later , okay . " " Okay , and thank you , Mrs . Winders . Have a good day . " Mrs . Winders smiles , " I will , dear . Goodbye . " Elizabeth smiles back , " Goodbye , and thank you again , Mrs . Winders . " " You 're welcome , Sweetheart . " " Bye , Haley . " Haley and Mrs . Winders walks to the car and before her daughter drives off , everyone waves . They are going to to meet Mrs . Winders ' friend Mr . Victor Sayers . After they leave , Elizabeth closes the door . Then she picks up the Bible and begins to read James 4 : 4 again . " 4 You adulterous people , don 't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God ? " " I hated God ? That doesn 't make sense . But I sure was angry with Him . " Then she recalls her mother telling her , " The Good Book says , " love thy neighbor " . She also recalls her mother reading to her when she was a child , " 4 Love is patient , love is kind . It does not envy , it does not boast , it is not proud . 5 It is not rude , it is not self - seeking , it is not easily angered , it keeps no record of wrongs . 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth . 7 It always protects , always trusts , always hopes , always perseveres . 8 Love never fails . But where there are prophecies , they will cease ; where there are tongues , they will be stilled ; where there is knowledge , it will pass away . " She did not know what was going on , but she felt compelled , in a good way , to learn more about God 's Word . She began to look through the Table of Contents and read through much of the Bible from cover to cover . A month later , little has changed . Elizabeth still gets the calls from bill collectors , she and Bill now barely speak , and the relationship between her and the kids has grown cold . Later that night , Elizabeth began reading Acts 16 . A few minutes later , she begins to read verses 29 - 31 , " 29 The jailer called for lights , rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas . 30 He then brought them out and asked , " Sirs , what must I do to be saved ? " 31 They replied , " Believe in the Lord Jesus , and you will be saved - you and your household . " The verse that pierced her heart was verse 30 . " What must I do to be saved ? " " Saved ? " Elizabeth recalls asking her father what is means for someone to be saved . " Daddy , what does being saved mean ? " " Well , Beth , being saved means to be rescued from something . In the Bible , you know that Jesus died on the cross . He suffered so that we could be rescued . Only He can rescue us , save us . " Elizabeth finished reading Acts 16 , got up , got dressed , and went to bed . While she was asleep , she saw Acts 16 : 30 , " What must I do to be saved ? " Then the words continued on to verse 31 , " Believe in the Lord Jesus , and you will be saved - you and your household . " . It was 2 : 30 am and she couldn 't help but think about those two verses . " What must I do to be saved ? " " Believe in the Lord Jesus , and you will be saved - you and your household . " She then began to knelt beside her bed and for the first time in a long time , she began to pray , " God , I believe that Jesus saves and I ask that He saves me . Ever since Mrs . Winders stopped by , I have been reading your word and I want to know more about you . I don 't know what happened and I don 't understand a lot of things but I want to . Lord Jesus , I surrender my life to you . I need you . Bill collectors keep calling , my marriage is in trouble , and I don 't know what to do about my children . It is as if my family is falling apart . Jesus , I need you . Your word says " Believe in the Lord Jesus , and you will be saved - you and your household . " I do believe in You , and I want to be saved . I want to be Your friend . Help me , Lord . I am asking for your help . I believe that You hear my prayers and I am sorry that I was unfaithful to You . I ask and thank You for rescuing me , in Your Name , Amen . " From that moment , the room seem lighter and a weight began to be lifted from her . It is as if life has started over for her . And it did . Mrs . Winders became a regular visitor at the Friedlin Household . Elizabeth began to talk to Mrs . Winders about her new found freedom . To Elizabeth , that was what it was . To help her grow from a " babe in Christ " to a mature believer , she and Mrs . Winder attended church . They even had regular Bible studies in her home . Her husband and children began to notice a change in Elizabeth since her conversion . In time , her whole household was saved and her marriage situation began to improve . She and Bill began were growing strong in the Lord . And their love for one another grew day by day . London and Tiffany now witness to other students about the Lord . Tiffany has since ended her relationship with her former boyfriend . London no longer avoided his family but grew closer to them . God has answered their prayers and now Elizabeth and her family knows that no matter what the family goes through , they know that if they remain faithful to God , they can overcome anything . Posted by
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Here in the Willamette Valley snow is rarely seen . The climate is usually just too mild . But every once in a while , we wake up to discover snow on the ground ! It 's only a half inch , but it makes everything so beautifully white . While it is mostly raining now , off and on we get big fat snowflakes coming down . School openings are delayed . Drivers are being extra cautious , because many have little experience driving in these conditions , and the town does not have much equipment to deal with the snow . It 's early , but soon I 'm sure I 'll see neighbors out and about walking in the snow , maybe a few of the younger children will build snowmen . It is so nice to have this reminder of the beauty in the world . Posted by My grandmother used to bake several kinds of cookies for Christmas ( along with several kinds of candy ! ) , and I loved to help her make them , eagerly awaiting the first batch . Candy - cane cookies were my favorite , but I also liked Pinwheel cookies ( vanilla and chocolate rolled together , sliced and baked ) . Dream bars were also delicious as were sugar cookies , lemon bars , etc . My grandmother made plenty for the family , and also made batches that she gave to the neighbors on plates that she made from old Christmas cards . One year we made cookies where we had to press the dough into the cookie cutters so that when we slammed them down on the board they came out with 3 - demonsional shapes of Santas , sleighs , stockings filled with presents , etc . We decorated them carefully with all the sprinkles , chocolate bits , etc . They looked so pretty when we took them out of the oven - - and they tasted so bad ! I think now that it was probably a recipe for cookies made to hang on the tree , but we didn 't know that at the time . : O Another year we made some chocolate cookies . They were totally delicious ! Crispy , yet melt - in - your mouth and just so , so tasty . The disaster part of these cookies ? The next year when we decided to make them again we couldn 't find the recipe ! We looked everywhere , but never , ever found it ! I made cookies with my daughter when she was growing up , using some of the recipes my grandmother used . Now that my daughter is grown , I make only the Candy - cane cookies , my favorite . Every time I do , I think of the Christmases when I baked with my grandmother , my mother and my daughter . And then I sit down and have a nice , warm cookie . : ) I post on various blogs and most of them have the word boxes where I have to prove I 'm not a robot . Trouble is , it 's getting more and more difficult . The letters are squeezed togther more than ever and are blurrier than they used to be . Thank goodness there doesn 't seem to be a limit to the number of attempts , but there have been times when I have had to try 5 or 6 times to get the right words and numbers ! A newer feature is having a photo of a number that appears to be a house number . These are often the blurriest . ( And , yes , I wear my reading glasses ! ) What is the purpose of making it SO hard at times ? I 've known people who have tried to post a comment and they 've given up , because they just can 't match the words and numbers . All I and my friends want to do is post a nice / funny / insightful comment . It shouldn 't be so difficult ! Authors often take issue with reviews ( something I do not recommend , unless there is an out - an - out error , something major , such as the book review refers to the wrong book ! ) . It is understandable , that an author would want to comment on reviews , be they glowing or totally snarky . But the book has been put " out there " and reviews are part of the game . Sometimes reviewers respond to what are essentially reviews of their reviews . Some responses are thoughtful and measured , some are , well , not . Is it fair to " review " a review ? It is someone 's writing , after all . But a review is not a story . It 's an opinion . It might be an opinion with which one strongly disagrees ( or wholeheartedly agrees ) , but , still , it is just an opinion . My feeling is that as long as reviews of books or of reviewers are thoughtful and polite , okay . While it 's fair to comment negatively , I don 't think snarky , mean , backstabbing and / or nasty comments are okay . But that 's just me . Others may enjoy a rousing give and take ! What do you think about " reviewing reviews ? " Sometimes the best way to deal with writing issues is with a group of fellow writers . I recently attended a local meeting with the regional advisors of our area SCBWI . The main purpose of the meeting was to meet the advisors , but one of the benefits was the camaraderie and encouragement one gets from being with other writers . Writing is a solitary occupation , and it is all too easy to get discouraged . Interacting with others in the same profession can really provide a spark . If you are stuck in the middle of a story or have put aside writing altogether for more than a short time , other writers know what to say to generate ideas and nudge you into getting back to your story or book . Group therapy for writers doesn 't have to be in person . It can be online too . There are webites and message boards for all kinds of writing . It 's a great way to meet and converse with people who know what it 's like to work alone , to struggle over one sentence for hours , to blank out just when you 're reaching what should be the major turning point in your story . They are also there to share in the good news , be it major or minor . Just today I found a new four - star review for one of my books on Amazon and a four - star rating for another of my books on Goodreads . The fact that the rating on Goodreads was by a 14 - year - old in Portugal made seeing the rating all that much more fun . And when those less than stellar reviews appear , who better to turn to than a group of writers who will know exactly how you feel and how to cheer you up ? Whether you take a class in person or online , find out the style of the class . How often does it meet ? You need a time frame of 6 - 12 sessions to really develop as a writer . Make sure the class teaches the kind of writing you 're interested in . Non - fiction ? Children 's novels ? Short stories ? Check out the class syllabus . If you can , talk to people who have already taken the class and find out what they got out of it . What are the instructor 's credentials ? Look for someone with experience in writing ( and selling that writing ) in the area of your interest . Size matters . In this case , the smaller the better . You 'll get more individual attention and nuturing in a class of , say , 12 than in a class of 35 . " Chad " ( not his real name , to protect the innocent , not that we were anything but innocent at the time ) and I knew each other since we were babies . Our mother 's were good friends and for several years we lived on the same street . Thus , we played together often and got along well . Looking back , I think Chad had a bit of a grade - school crush on me , but I was oblivious to that at the time . Anyway , one day he asked if I wanted to go to a movie with him . I said , " Sure , " in pretty much the same way as if one of my girlfriends had asked me . Well , I mentioned this to my mother and next thing I knew , on the day of the movie my mother had me wear a dress ! Now , in those days girls had to wear dresses to school , but outside of school I wore jeans , peddlepushers or shorts , depending on the weather . But , I was a girl who did as my mother said , even though I was thinking , " Dress ? Why a dress ? " When I was ready , she handed my a tiny red purse with a little hankie in it , and I think maybe a dime for whatever . I had no idea what the purse , hankie or dime were for ( well , maybe I used the dime to buy candy ) , but Chad and his mother arrived and off we went , I toting the itsy - bitsy purse and still wondering why I needed it . Our big date was to see the movie " To Hell and Back . " Now , if I 'd been 15 instead of 8 , maybe I would have been unpleasantly surprised at the choice of movies . But I was thrilled ! Wow , all that action , and I was not too young to appreciate that Audie Murphy was good looking in the most sweet and innocent way . I remember the movie , but not much else . The movie was great ! I still enjoy it when I see it in re - runs . But that was it for dating Chad . The next time we got together we hunted for turtle eggs in the woods in back of his house . We remained friends and when we were 16 went on a triple date , and my date was the guy who is now my husband , and it was our first date . Yes , I married my high - school sweetheart . : ) Years later I still hear from Chad every once in a great while . Our date didn 't lead to anything more than an extended friendship , but even after all this time it has remained a treasured memory . In The Farewell Season I included a lot of talk about food . Readers noticed . I received many comments about mouths watering and hunger pangs for blueberry kakar or ableskivers . Many assumed I 'm good at Scandinavian cooking and some have even asked for recipes . The truth is , it was all research . I scoured Scandinavian cookbooks at the library and sampled the tasty treats at the Scandinavian Festival in Junction City , Oregon . But I never baked a single crumb mentioned in the story . I do cook , and I and my husband are happy with the results . However , I stick to a collection of familiar ( and easy ) recipes , because I 'm not all that fond of cooking . The enthusiasm for cooking must have skipped a couple of generations , because my grandmother loved to cook and so does my daughter . But my mother and I have cooked because we want to eat . Non - fiction writers have to do a lot of research , of course , but so do fiction writers . I didn 't know all that much about football before I wrote the book , but after reading a few books and attending many football practices , where I asked a lot of questions , I knew enough to write about it for my purposes . I also did research on grieving and grief counseling . For another story , I read an entire book about a minor league baseball team so I could write a couple of scenes where one of the main characters talks to a baseball scout . Just because a story is fiction does not mean that " anything goes . " The details need to ring true . Even in science fiction , fantasy and paranormal adventures things have to make sense to the reader . An imaginary world has to seem real . Anyone writing a historical novel or one set in an unfamiliar locale must get enough facts to be accurate and make the period or place come to life for readers . It 's easy to get lost in too much research . Some writers get so bogged down that they never write the story . Or they add details that are unnecessary just because they couldn 't resist including them . Too much information is no better than not enough . The research must help advance the story . The easiest way to do research , of course , is the internet . But visiting the library can yield nuggets not found online . Sometimes traveling to the location where a story takes place and talking to locals will yield color and details the internet or books can not . Interviews , as scary as they can seem to some writers , can be valuable . If you don 't know a doctor , teacher , banker , architect , or whatever you need , ask a friend to introduce you or call , write or email explaining that you are a writer and tell them the basics of what you need to ask . Most experts are more than happy to share what they know . The kinds of things I would like to do while I still have time are to read more books and write more books . To make at least one person smile every day . To laugh and make others laugh . To savor my quiet moment in the morning when I open the door when it 's just getting light out . To really enjoy each minute I have with family and friends . Here in the Willamette Valley of Oregon it hardly ever snows . At all . A few flurries are cause for excitement . An inch closes the schools ( because the city has very little equipment for taking care of snow ) . So to wake up to seven inches of snow , and it is still coming down , is quite a shock ! There are several branches down in the neighborhood , some of them large . I went out and knocked the snow off of shrubs and lower branches of the trees and those branches sprung right back up . Of course , I am soaked now , lol ! Kids are out playing and sliding in the snow . The birds sound bewildered ( I can hear them , but I 'm not seeing any ) . I think we have enough food for the day if I can 't get to the store as I had planned . Writers need to get to know their characters , so the readers will also get to know them . Start by describing as much as you can picture . What is the hair color , eye color ? How tall ? Fat or fit ? What is your character 's favorite food ? Sport ? Music ? Or does your character hate sports ? Or like ancient chanting , while everyone around him loves bluegrass ? Pick a character from a book you love and describe him / her . This will show you the kind of details you need to know about your character to make him come to life . You won 't know your character all at once . You 'll learn about him as you write , discover things you never thought of . Once you really know and care about your character , the odds are your readers will too . Find at least two , better yet , three people who have experience in the same area of writing , be it picture books for the very young or non - fiction for the most serious adult readers . You might find these people in person or online , through writing groups , word - of - mouth or online searches . They might be other writers ( aspiring or published ) with whom you can do a manuscript exchange . Or you can find a former editor or agent or author who does professional critiques . You 'll have to pay for these , maybe as little as $ 30 , maybe more than $ 300 . Again , check with friends , writing groups and / or online searches . Be open to the criticism , but remember that it is feedback and the story is yours . If everyone says your main character is weak , you 'll really need to consider that . If you get three widely different opinions , you need to decide which , if any , resonate with you and your story . At first I wasn 't worried . I wasn 't getting hot water , but no big deal , I figured . Just go out in the garage and push the reset button on the water heater . I undo the panel , pull aside the insulation and press the button . Fine . But as I put the insulation back in place , I notice that it is slightly damp . Not a good sign . . . I start looking at the bottom of the heater for water . I don 't see any . But just to be sure , I run my finger along the bottom . In addition to ending up with a dusty finger ( sorry , I don 't usually dust around my water heater ) , I felt a trace of water . Hmmm . Time to call the plumber . He says it is time for a new water heater . Fortunately , this is a plumber I have called many times , he does great work and I TRUST him ! Since it was late afternoon and not an emergency , he asked if he could come at 8 the next morning . That was fine with me . He told me to turn off the water at the top of the water heater and to go in the house and turn on a hot water faucet to relieve some of the pressure . After I did that , I noticed I could now see a little water under the water heater . I put a washcloth there . A couple hours later it was all wet , so I replaced it with another one . That one got soaked , so before I went to bed I put an old beach towel down and hoped for the best . In the morning only about half the beach towel was wet , so it had done its job . At 7 : 45 I pulled my car out of the garage and parked it on the street . Just as I got out of my car , the plumber pulled into the driveway . 15 minutes early ! : ) And that makes sense . Who wants a crummy view , or worse , no view at all ? But that nice view can have its downside when trying to concentrate . I mean , who can 't help but pause when seeing the 5 - year - old from across the street is learning to ride her new two - wheeler ? Dad holds the back of the bike , girl peddles happily . Girl notices Dad is no longer holding onto the back of the bike . Girl panics momentarily , wobbles , then peddles harder . Girl realizes she can do it on her own ! Now that was worth a break from writing . Birds are good distractions , too . It 's always fun to spot a finch or flicker or woodpecker coming to the feeder . Their chirps and colors brighten any day . One blue jay likes to peck at the roof of a small popout addition that I can see from my window . Even if I couldn 't see him , I can hear him ! The weather can be a distraction , regardless of what it is . A beautiful blue sky can trigger daydreaming . A few snowflakes in an area where it rarely snow sparks excitement . It 's easy to take notice of even the rain . It 's raining so hard ! Or , ah , rain , we 've been needing some rain . Or , rain ? Again ? I suppose I could pull the shade , or place my desk where I can 't see the window . But what fun would that be ? Sometimes a little distraction is just what I need to return to my writing full of energy and inspiration . Not too much later I got a note that was a couple of sentences long from the same editor on another story I had submitted . Needless to say , I kept trying at that magazine ! Unfortunately , I never did sell to that editor or that magazine , but it kept me going . Then there was the day I received a letter in response to a status query I 'd sent about a short story . Instead of the by then usual rejection it was a " mea culpa " for " taking so long " and the news that my story had been accepted ! The next occasion came absolutely unexpectedly . I had sent off a manuscript for a novel on a Thursday and Tuesday I got a phone call . Yes , it was an offer to publish ! Talk about a major turning point ! That was " Practice Makes Perfect , " published by a YA imprint of Harlequin . The book has since been reissued by HSWF as " Summer Replacement . " Since then , EVERY sale has felt like a turning point . The second book felt like validation that the first book was not a fluke . I have never taken subsequent story and book sales for granted . They are all turning points , because in the world of publishing there are no guarantees . I , of course , smile and respond that kids are never too young to be read to . Sadly , I usually don 't convince * those * parents . Fortunately , grandparents often stop by and get books for their grandkids . I have books that aunts , uncles and grandparents gave to me when I was just a baby , then a toddler , and so on as I grew up . I loved those books back then and I love them now . The more words babies hear , the more language they will develop . The more young children read , the more they will learn correct spelling , grammar , etc . Now , I confess , I didn 't start reading to my daughter on Day One . We were both too exhausted . : ) But I started soon after that . She loved listening to me and gazing at the colors in the pictures . She loved being read to so much , that my husband and I kept reading to her until she was ten , even though she 'd been reading herself well before that .
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Evening Comes , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 24x36I am finally feeling much more enthusiastic about the work I am currently doing . But almost on a daily basis , I end up procrastinating all morning , later and later each day , dash into the studio after lunch , work intermittently for several hours and then stop for the day . I don 't think the quality of my painting suffers from this , in fact mostly it 's just the opposite , but my mental health does suffer . For example this morning I spent all morning , reading the American Idol recaps on EVERY blog in America , and feeling terribly guilty about wasting so much time . I was also very disappointed to learn that nearly everyone in America thinks that my cutie pie , Jason Castro is going home tonight . I know he is far from the best singer this year but I just really enjoy his performances . They make me smile . Ok , and he is very cute and if I were just 20 years younger he and I might have a shot at real happiness . But I digress . This complete change in studio habits does have me a bit flummoxed . But it 's difficult to make any real effort to go back to my old schedule when I am so pleased with what I am accomplishing this way so I guess I will just continue to go with the flow . Maybe my technical abilities have caught up with my instincts and I don 't have to struggle with where and how to put the paint down quite as much as I used to . I don 't know . However , I really should make an effort to make better use of all the time I spend on the computer . I have so many more productive things I should be doing ; cleaning and reorganizing my kitchen cabinets , my desk , my clothes closet , finding a place for all the linens that used to be stored in a closet that we are in the middle of turning into a shower , MY TAXES , ( yes folks we took an extension for like the tenth year in a row ) , EXERCISE ! , weeding the garden , filling in the holes that Penny makes in the yard , the list goes on and on . But I suspect there will be much to catch up on Thursday morning what with someone going home tonight and whether orPosted by Edge of Pink Hill , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 24x36Despite the bugs and flies that were dive bombing into our faces , * Doug and I made pretty good progress in the garden on Sunday . Our plan , oops I mean MY plan , since Doug is just my slave now now in the vegetable garden and I am the one in charge , is to really produce enough food from our garden this summer for our family to eat . Well , mostly . I suspect my youngest daughter will eat very little from the garden , but that 's another story . So I spent the winter reading this book , many , many times , as well as reading up on things on the internet . It became clear that we needed to radically change the set up of the garden as well as conquer the weeds , including the evil burdock which comes up like grass around here . Last week Doug tilled up the soil , and on Sunday we formed three rows of 3 ' x6 ' beds . Well , technically we did not form all of them because a . that 's a lot of shoveling and b . we are too old to do that much in a day . but we got them all laid out , and Doug , ( he had to do most of the shoveling , because of my recent back issues ) got about six of them ready for planting , in addition to three more narrow rows which will be an asparagus bed . We replanted the strawberries from last year that made it through the winter , despite the fact that I did not cover them with straw like I was supposed to , and I planted a bed of peas and a bed of carrots . I have organic seed potatoes and asparagus crowns on order and they will go in as soon as they arrive . Oh and I am picking up some broccoli tomorrow and will get that in as well . Doug is trying to get some cold frame boxes built so that we can get some greens in ( not sure if THAT will happen this spring , he is notoriously slow at that kind of stuff and plus he has some traveling coming up ) and in another 3 weeks or so we can start planting tomatoes , peppers , beans , squash , zucchini , cucumbers , etc . I am going to try and do some succession planting this year , which means I need to keep track of what and where I plant everything . MorPosted by Route 10 Farm , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 16x20I meant to post yesterday , but my lower back went out first thing in the morning and left me with spasms all day . It hurt to sit too much , and it hurt to walk too much . The last time I had back trouble was when I was pregnant , and I don 't mind saying I was quite put out to have this going on now . But never fear , coincidentally I had an appointment already scheduled with my acupuncturist yesterday morning and he got me back on track . I had no injury , just an imbalance involving low potassium , water , bladder , kidney , heat , energy , too much ice cream and the rising price of oil . Or some such combination of things . It may sound kooky , but whatever he did worked , no more spasms , the pain is almost gone today ( though I am still pretty stiff ) and no medication necessary . Always a plus in my book . Anyway , I am trying to catch up with things today , both with work and around the house . I haven 't felt as if I have gotten much painting done in the last few weeks , but after making a list of the finished paintings I see that I am actually doing ok for the show in Hudson at the end of May . The guys are still working on the attic , although Tom has been installing a shower on our second floor bathroom for the last few days , while Matt is spackling the walls in the attic . I am putting up photos taken a few days ago , after they got the sheet rock up ( sorry about the water spots - guess I need to clean my camera lens ) . We were amazed to see how much lighter the space is with the walls up and as you can imagine , I can 't wait to get moved in . But there is still much more to do up there to get ready for the princess to move in . Heh . More updates to come . We have a busy weekend ahead which involves the vegetable garden , a boy scout camp out , two soccer games and a basketball clinic all of which mostly adds up to a lot of driving for mom . I will see you Monday , that is if I get through it all . Trees Converge , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 8x10By the end of my month at the Vermont Studio Center , I had gotten to be pretty good friends with artist Barbara Poole . She scared me a little at first , she is kind of blunt and brassy ( in a good way , but it scared me nonetheless ) and at one point her eyes literally shot daggers at me when I asked how old she was . But by my last night there ( she stayed another two weeks ) we were hanging around together , hitting all the goodbye parties . Well , the one anyway . We have kept in touch since the residency and I always enjoy her emails . I love Barbara 's work , though I will be quite embarrassed to see my image as a part of her hula hoop series . Yes , I did actually go and try to hula hoop in her studio , while she took photos . Try is the key word in that sentence . I used to be pretty good at the hula hoop , in grade school we spent many hours practicing and I could do a lot of tricks , up and down my arms , neck , to the feet and back up , multiple hoops , that sort of thing . At some point in the last 30 years though , I have seemingly lost my ability to even keep the hula hoop anywhere near my mid section . Ack ! It was embarrassing . Anyhoo , Barbara has a blog now , so I hope you 'll go on over and check it out . And definitely look at her work . Ya gotta love narrative imagery that includes nudes , vacuum cleaners and guns . Well , I do anyway . I have also been enjoying this blog , A Collage a Day , even if it seems to be near impossible to buy one of Randel 's bird collages . By the time I see them , they are sold ! And his blog led me to joie de vivre , by painter Kimberly Applegate . I love how she is putting together chairs and paintings . And naturally , all of the ones that I like are sold as well . Later on I will put up some pictures of the attic . The sheet rock is up ! Spring Lines , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 9x18One of my favorite painting formats has always been the square . I have painted many square paintings over the past few years and it was really working for me . There was something about the easy flow , and the circular movement of working within it that really appealed to me . However , the last time I did a successful square paintings was last November or so , when I did a series of 9 inch square paintings for the show at The Harrison Gallery . Each square painting I have attempted since then has ended in frustration and I now have a whole pile of square panels in my sand down pile . Not only small and cute 9 inch squares either , there are big ones ; 3 feet and even 4 feet square . Very annoying . But I am a fickle girl and I have totally been feeling the love for long and narrow rectangles lately , though . 9x18 has been a favorite , as well as 6x12 . And when I last ordered panels , I requested four 20x40 panels . Can 't wait to get those primed and ready to go ! All of this is making a difference in my imagery . Instead of the circular movements of the square , I am thinking in blocks , short horizontal bits of imagery if I am working in a vertical rectangular format . The horizontal format gives me the opportunity to paint long , languid , flowing compositions which are particularly challenging for me . Mostly I prefer working with the vertical , but I am always pleased with what happens in the horizontal too . Hardly any of those have gone to the sand down pile ! I hope the square thing will come back to me though ; last year I was on a square panel buying binge and I have at least 857 of them in my panel inventory . Well , maybe not quite that many , but close . Quiet , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 9x18Same old , same old here . We survived the sleepover , my son is now officially a teenager and we are moving on from that particular milestone . He has been sleeping until noon each day this week though so I guess new milestones are on the way . There has been way too much girl clothes shopping in the last few days . My daughters needed some spring clothes , new crocs , soccer shoes and other related accessories . Good times . Heh . I used to love shopping but somehow the kids have cured me of that and now it 's just energy sucking , intelligence draining hard labor . I have gotten very little work done this week and will definitely have to crank it into high gear Monday morning when the kids go back to school . I now have five weeks to get enough pieces together for the show in Hudson , not to mention getting new work to a a few of my galleries AND the Affordable Art Fair which is in mid - June . The attic is coming along . On Wednesday a crew came and did the spray foam insulation . The attic temporarily looks like an English Tudor mansion . Thursday , Tom and Matt worked on the outside of the new windows , trimming them up and they now look much better than all of the other old windows . On Friday morning two ( cute ) guys came with sheet rock and carried 43 pieces ( one at a time ) , up a ladder , onto the scaffolding and in through the middle window . Matt carried them inside and he and Tom got most of the ceiling up that afternoon . PS . I have been trying to put this post up since Friday , lest you all think I am trying to bail on this blog . First I had trouble getting the photos posted and then I kept getting an error notice when I tried to publish the post . Not sure if it 's our satellite connection which has been kind of funky lately , or blogger who hates me . Anyway , just so you know . Woodstock Field in Spring , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 2008I am being both a bad mom AND a bad artist this week . The kids are home for spring break and we made no plans to go anywhere or do anything because of the work going on in the house as well as the fact that I have a show ( several actually , including group shows ) coming up and I couldn 't imagine taking even a few days off . We probably should have gone somewhere though because I am doing both things badly . I spend all day telling the kids I have to get some work done , so I can 't really plan anything with them , on the other hand I am so distracted by their activities in the house that I have hardly gotten anything accomplished in the studio . I am trying though . I took two of my kids and one of their friends to see " Superheroes " on Saturday ( DO NOT see it - it is the worst movie ever , stupid and insulting and disgusting - the kids loved it , of course , they laughed while I cringed - at least it was only 85 minutes long ) and everyone pitched in to help clean the house on Sunday . Good times . Heh . I have taken them on my errands , we visited the library and art association and I have also let them watch a bit of tv . Today I did five underpaintings and tomorrow I really must finish up a few paintings that are nearly done . I will have to get to that though , before my son 's birthday sleepover begins and the house is filled with loud and smelly teenagers . Yes , folks , exactly 13 years ago today , at this minute , I was big as a house , two weeks overdue , and after a week of stop and go labor I was patiently walking around trying to get the contractions to come back . My son is not impressed by this story - he is just excited about being a teenager and getting gifts and hanging out with his friends , but I thought most of you would appreciate how momentous today is for me . Oh , yeah and Doug too . He did hang out with me during all of the labor . Heh . Oh , guess I am being more of a mom today after all . Rosy Hill , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 18x24And so all of a sudden I am getting a new studio . Let me start from the beginning . I had a gorgeous , huge studio over the garage of our house in Utah . As fate would have it however , the kids were still very young and my time to paint was very limited . I did manage to get some work done there , but mostly the room turned into a place to hide the things I didn 't want the kids to get into . We moved to NY , my youngest went off to all day kindergarten , leaving me with time to paint . But no space . I commandeered one of our two old house living rooms and managed to cram about half of my stuff from the old studio into it . The rest is in our icky old house basement . When it turned out that I would actually be doing A LOT of work in that room , I began to whine and scheme about getting a new studio , one with running water , natural light and well , space . 1000 square feet minimum , that was my dream . Lately I have toyed with building a whole new structure on our property , separate from the house ( I vacillated daily about whether or not I wanted to have a studio not connected to the house - I still do a lot of house related multi - tasking while painting ) and having a huge light and airy studio in a barn like structure seemed really appropriate for me . But mostly the plan for the last few years was to tear down our sagging metal , attached garage , replace it with a new structure that would be my studio and then eventually add a new garage in front of it . I have had many different plans concerning the details , but that basic idea was what we pretty much decided to go forward with . Well , I decided , Doug mostly had a look of sheer terror on his face whenever I mentioned a new studio . His terror was well founded because either plan was going to be really expensive . Like we might as well build a new house expensive . So a few months ago we ( ok , I admit it , I am the one who decided ) decided on a temporary solution . We have this great , unfinished , old house attic . It 's mostly uninsulated , cold in the winter Posted by Leaning Telephone Pole , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 12x16I have been trying to get a post up for the last few days but there has been so much going on that I have hardly had a minute to sit down at my desk . Well , except for the 2 hours I spent Tuesday evening researching ducks . ( A friend of mine is planning to order some ducks and when you get them through the mail you have to get a certain number so they are warm enough and since she doesn 't want so many we may split the order . Um , because I actually need more to do each day . So I am trying to figure out how and where to house them which is a pesky issue , mostly because of our killer dog , Penny . ) Anyway , on Tuesday I drove to Saratoga Springs to deliver my work to Gallery 100 . I had a very nice visit with Deb ( the owner ) and Nancy ( the director ) and on the drive there I was able to take some nice photos to use as reference , since the light was amazing . Oh and I have to say that I am now even more in love with my new car - the middle row of seats folds down ( unlike in my old car ) and it was a breeze loading it up with paintings . I hardly had to even stack anything . Since I hadn 't been able to get any painting done on Monday or Tuesday , I got right into the studio yesterday morning . I am working on a commission , which has taken me forever to get to and now finally I am at the color stage . I worked all morning , then had to go to an appointment , and then went right back into the studio when I got back home . The kids got home , took my son to his scout meeting , took the girls out to eat , picked up my son and went home , just in time to fold laundry while watching one of my favorite shows , Criminal Minds . Today is more of the same , studio , midday appointment , studio again . And probably more laundry too . The Very Last Minute of Winter , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 20x24Ok , the last few days have been incredibly busy . The girls had sleepovers ( elsewhere , which is the only reason that I am even remotely sane today ) and although it was quiet at home that evening , there was much driving around Friday , then Saturday morning . A show opening at the local art organization ( more on that in another post ) , a Children 's Book Author Festival on Saturday and the end of the season swim team party on Sunday ( which I had to cook a main dish for ) completed our social calendar for the weekend . Woo - hoo . And in between all of that , I am finishing up 13 pieces for Gallery 100 and despite having the most beautiful spring weather on Sunday , I had to stay inside and paint cradles . Ugh . I actually stood at the front windows for awhile yesterday afternoon , yearning for the time to go help Doug and the boys clean out the hen house . Well , not really . But I was itching to get outside and begin raking out my flower gardens . Maybe on Wednesday after delivery is complete - tomorrow I am driving to Saratoga to drop off my work . The images that I will be putting up for the next few weeks are from the batch of paintings for Gallery 100 - ones that I have been struggling with after getting back from the residency . Today 's image was painted on a day last week when there was still a bit of snow on the ground and flurries in the air , so the title seemed appropriate , especially after I decided to go with a snowy looking lavender for the field . Penny , who is really just the most well behaved , sweetest dog ever , also has a bit of a dark side . When she brings these sorts of things to the house , I start to question what the heck I am doing out here in all of this nature crap . Will I ever get used to seeing dead animal parts ? And will I ever not still be slightly fascinated by them anyway ? Dreamy Dusk , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 18x24The last few days have been filled with ups and downs . On Tuesday night , I was happy . I had a number of pieces that were off to a great start . They were all looking good and the world was all bright and sunny . I felt like the coolest girl painter ever at the middle school orientation ( my older daughter starts next fall - holy cow ! ) and it 's true that my ego was bursting a bit when a friend of ours was joking about how he and his wife see my work everywhere they go ; NYC , Williamstown , Tahiti . Oops , just kidding about Tahiti . Anyway , after working on Wednesday and realizing that one large piece was definitely crappy , and a few of the others looked pretty questionable , I went to bed feeling like I should give up painting and just go get a real job , you know the kind where every day is exactly the same . I couldn 't begin to imagine how I could make any of the questionable pieces work . But this evening , after spending a few hours today mucking around in the studio , I am feeling good again . I saved the ones that had been on the fence and I don 't mind saying that they actually turned out to be pretty dang good ! Still have a 36x36 panel to sand down , but THAT ' S nothing new . So I will go to bed tonight feeling like I really am a painter after all . Sheesh . Wonder what tomorrow will bring ? Orange on the Left , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 16x16In a moment of complete and utter optimism in myself as well as the passage of time , I agreed to participate in a group show . Gallery 100 in Saratoga Springs wants six paintings for a show and would also like a few new ones for their inventory . Um , by April 7 , the 8th at the latest . When I agreed to this LAST THURSDAY , I had about four or five pieces on hand and several more in progress . The gallery director also said that maybe one or two large scale pieces would be great , especially since the large ones have been selling well for me lately . Great . At that time , I had exactly zero finished large scale paintings on hand . Luckily though , I did have three prepared large panels and three hours before I had to pick up the kids . So I got down to business and managed to do an underpainting on each panel . ( I had to start them that day so that they would be ready to glaze after we got back from our weekend in the city . ) Monday I worked on the ones that were in progress and yesterday I began the color glazes on the large scale pieces . Two of them are really working , but I am not so sure about the third one . I am going to bail on it for now , in order to focus on the ones that are working at this point . I have to finish up the big ones , plus four or five medium sized pieces by tomorrow at the latest so that I can paint the cradles , photograph them , and do the paperwork before delivering them on Monday . So even though things are hectic , this was exactly what I needed to back on track . The pressure of doing a lot of painting , fast , really helps my work . There are benefits to not having time to think .
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Evening Comes , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 24x36I am finally feeling much more enthusiastic about the work I am currently doing . But almost on a daily basis , I end up procrastinating all morning , later and later each day , dash into the studio after lunch , work intermittently for several hours and then stop for the day . I don 't think the quality of my painting suffers from this , in fact mostly it 's just the opposite , but my mental health does suffer . For example this morning I spent all morning , reading the American Idol recaps on EVERY blog in America , and feeling terribly guilty about wasting so much time . I was also very disappointed to learn that nearly everyone in America thinks that my cutie pie , Jason Castro is going home tonight . I know he is far from the best singer this year but I just really enjoy his performances . They make me smile . Ok , and he is very cute and if I were just 20 years younger he and I might have a shot at real happiness . But I digress . This complete change in studio habits does have me a bit flummoxed . But it 's difficult to make any real effort to go back to my old schedule when I am so pleased with what I am accomplishing this way so I guess I will just continue to go with the flow . Maybe my technical abilities have caught up with my instincts and I don 't have to struggle with where and how to put the paint down quite as much as I used to . I don 't know . However , I really should make an effort to make better use of all the time I spend on the computer . I have so many more productive things I should be doing ; cleaning and reorganizing my kitchen cabinets , my desk , my clothes closet , finding a place for all the linens that used to be stored in a closet that we are in the middle of turning into a shower , MY TAXES , ( yes folks we took an extension for like the tenth year in a row ) , EXERCISE ! , weeding the garden , filling in the holes that Penny makes in the yard , the list goes on and on . But I suspect there will be much to catch up on Thursday morning what with someone going home tonight and whether orPosted by Edge of Pink Hill , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 24x36Despite the bugs and flies that were dive bombing into our faces , * Doug and I made pretty good progress in the garden on Sunday . Our plan , oops I mean MY plan , since Doug is just my slave now now in the vegetable garden and I am the one in charge , is to really produce enough food from our garden this summer for our family to eat . Well , mostly . I suspect my youngest daughter will eat very little from the garden , but that 's another story . So I spent the winter reading this book , many , many times , as well as reading up on things on the internet . It became clear that we needed to radically change the set up of the garden as well as conquer the weeds , including the evil burdock which comes up like grass around here . Last week Doug tilled up the soil , and on Sunday we formed three rows of 3 ' x6 ' beds . Well , technically we did not form all of them because a . that 's a lot of shoveling and b . we are too old to do that much in a day . but we got them all laid out , and Doug , ( he had to do most of the shoveling , because of my recent back issues ) got about six of them ready for planting , in addition to three more narrow rows which will be an asparagus bed . We replanted the strawberries from last year that made it through the winter , despite the fact that I did not cover them with straw like I was supposed to , and I planted a bed of peas and a bed of carrots . I have organic seed potatoes and asparagus crowns on order and they will go in as soon as they arrive . Oh and I am picking up some broccoli tomorrow and will get that in as well . Doug is trying to get some cold frame boxes built so that we can get some greens in ( not sure if THAT will happen this spring , he is notoriously slow at that kind of stuff and plus he has some traveling coming up ) and in another 3 weeks or so we can start planting tomatoes , peppers , beans , squash , zucchini , cucumbers , etc . I am going to try and do some succession planting this year , which means I need to keep track of what and where I plant everything . MorPosted by Route 10 Farm , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 16x20I meant to post yesterday , but my lower back went out first thing in the morning and left me with spasms all day . It hurt to sit too much , and it hurt to walk too much . The last time I had back trouble was when I was pregnant , and I don 't mind saying I was quite put out to have this going on now . But never fear , coincidentally I had an appointment already scheduled with my acupuncturist yesterday morning and he got me back on track . I had no injury , just an imbalance involving low potassium , water , bladder , kidney , heat , energy , too much ice cream and the rising price of oil . Or some such combination of things . It may sound kooky , but whatever he did worked , no more spasms , the pain is almost gone today ( though I am still pretty stiff ) and no medication necessary . Always a plus in my book . Anyway , I am trying to catch up with things today , both with work and around the house . I haven 't felt as if I have gotten much painting done in the last few weeks , but after making a list of the finished paintings I see that I am actually doing ok for the show in Hudson at the end of May . The guys are still working on the attic , although Tom has been installing a shower on our second floor bathroom for the last few days , while Matt is spackling the walls in the attic . I am putting up photos taken a few days ago , after they got the sheet rock up ( sorry about the water spots - guess I need to clean my camera lens ) . We were amazed to see how much lighter the space is with the walls up and as you can imagine , I can 't wait to get moved in . But there is still much more to do up there to get ready for the princess to move in . Heh . More updates to come . We have a busy weekend ahead which involves the vegetable garden , a boy scout camp out , two soccer games and a basketball clinic all of which mostly adds up to a lot of driving for mom . I will see you Monday , that is if I get through it all . Trees Converge , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 8x10By the end of my month at the Vermont Studio Center , I had gotten to be pretty good friends with artist Barbara Poole . She scared me a little at first , she is kind of blunt and brassy ( in a good way , but it scared me nonetheless ) and at one point her eyes literally shot daggers at me when I asked how old she was . But by my last night there ( she stayed another two weeks ) we were hanging around together , hitting all the goodbye parties . Well , the one anyway . We have kept in touch since the residency and I always enjoy her emails . I love Barbara 's work , though I will be quite embarrassed to see my image as a part of her hula hoop series . Yes , I did actually go and try to hula hoop in her studio , while she took photos . Try is the key word in that sentence . I used to be pretty good at the hula hoop , in grade school we spent many hours practicing and I could do a lot of tricks , up and down my arms , neck , to the feet and back up , multiple hoops , that sort of thing . At some point in the last 30 years though , I have seemingly lost my ability to even keep the hula hoop anywhere near my mid section . Ack ! It was embarrassing . Anyhoo , Barbara has a blog now , so I hope you 'll go on over and check it out . And definitely look at her work . Ya gotta love narrative imagery that includes nudes , vacuum cleaners and guns . Well , I do anyway . I have also been enjoying this blog , A Collage a Day , even if it seems to be near impossible to buy one of Randel 's bird collages . By the time I see them , they are sold ! And his blog led me to joie de vivre , by painter Kimberly Applegate . I love how she is putting together chairs and paintings . And naturally , all of the ones that I like are sold as well . Later on I will put up some pictures of the attic . The sheet rock is up ! Spring Lines , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 9x18One of my favorite painting formats has always been the square . I have painted many square paintings over the past few years and it was really working for me . There was something about the easy flow , and the circular movement of working within it that really appealed to me . However , the last time I did a successful square paintings was last November or so , when I did a series of 9 inch square paintings for the show at The Harrison Gallery . Each square painting I have attempted since then has ended in frustration and I now have a whole pile of square panels in my sand down pile . Not only small and cute 9 inch squares either , there are big ones ; 3 feet and even 4 feet square . Very annoying . But I am a fickle girl and I have totally been feeling the love for long and narrow rectangles lately , though . 9x18 has been a favorite , as well as 6x12 . And when I last ordered panels , I requested four 20x40 panels . Can 't wait to get those primed and ready to go ! All of this is making a difference in my imagery . Instead of the circular movements of the square , I am thinking in blocks , short horizontal bits of imagery if I am working in a vertical rectangular format . The horizontal format gives me the opportunity to paint long , languid , flowing compositions which are particularly challenging for me . Mostly I prefer working with the vertical , but I am always pleased with what happens in the horizontal too . Hardly any of those have gone to the sand down pile ! I hope the square thing will come back to me though ; last year I was on a square panel buying binge and I have at least 857 of them in my panel inventory . Well , maybe not quite that many , but close . Quiet , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 9x18Same old , same old here . We survived the sleepover , my son is now officially a teenager and we are moving on from that particular milestone . He has been sleeping until noon each day this week though so I guess new milestones are on the way . There has been way too much girl clothes shopping in the last few days . My daughters needed some spring clothes , new crocs , soccer shoes and other related accessories . Good times . Heh . I used to love shopping but somehow the kids have cured me of that and now it 's just energy sucking , intelligence draining hard labor . I have gotten very little work done this week and will definitely have to crank it into high gear Monday morning when the kids go back to school . I now have five weeks to get enough pieces together for the show in Hudson , not to mention getting new work to a a few of my galleries AND the Affordable Art Fair which is in mid - June . The attic is coming along . On Wednesday a crew came and did the spray foam insulation . The attic temporarily looks like an English Tudor mansion . Thursday , Tom and Matt worked on the outside of the new windows , trimming them up and they now look much better than all of the other old windows . On Friday morning two ( cute ) guys came with sheet rock and carried 43 pieces ( one at a time ) , up a ladder , onto the scaffolding and in through the middle window . Matt carried them inside and he and Tom got most of the ceiling up that afternoon . PS . I have been trying to put this post up since Friday , lest you all think I am trying to bail on this blog . First I had trouble getting the photos posted and then I kept getting an error notice when I tried to publish the post . Not sure if it 's our satellite connection which has been kind of funky lately , or blogger who hates me . Anyway , just so you know . Woodstock Field in Spring , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 2008I am being both a bad mom AND a bad artist this week . The kids are home for spring break and we made no plans to go anywhere or do anything because of the work going on in the house as well as the fact that I have a show ( several actually , including group shows ) coming up and I couldn 't imagine taking even a few days off . We probably should have gone somewhere though because I am doing both things badly . I spend all day telling the kids I have to get some work done , so I can 't really plan anything with them , on the other hand I am so distracted by their activities in the house that I have hardly gotten anything accomplished in the studio . I am trying though . I took two of my kids and one of their friends to see " Superheroes " on Saturday ( DO NOT see it - it is the worst movie ever , stupid and insulting and disgusting - the kids loved it , of course , they laughed while I cringed - at least it was only 85 minutes long ) and everyone pitched in to help clean the house on Sunday . Good times . Heh . I have taken them on my errands , we visited the library and art association and I have also let them watch a bit of tv . Today I did five underpaintings and tomorrow I really must finish up a few paintings that are nearly done . I will have to get to that though , before my son 's birthday sleepover begins and the house is filled with loud and smelly teenagers . Yes , folks , exactly 13 years ago today , at this minute , I was big as a house , two weeks overdue , and after a week of stop and go labor I was patiently walking around trying to get the contractions to come back . My son is not impressed by this story - he is just excited about being a teenager and getting gifts and hanging out with his friends , but I thought most of you would appreciate how momentous today is for me . Oh , yeah and Doug too . He did hang out with me during all of the labor . Heh . Oh , guess I am being more of a mom today after all . Rosy Hill , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 18x24And so all of a sudden I am getting a new studio . Let me start from the beginning . I had a gorgeous , huge studio over the garage of our house in Utah . As fate would have it however , the kids were still very young and my time to paint was very limited . I did manage to get some work done there , but mostly the room turned into a place to hide the things I didn 't want the kids to get into . We moved to NY , my youngest went off to all day kindergarten , leaving me with time to paint . But no space . I commandeered one of our two old house living rooms and managed to cram about half of my stuff from the old studio into it . The rest is in our icky old house basement . When it turned out that I would actually be doing A LOT of work in that room , I began to whine and scheme about getting a new studio , one with running water , natural light and well , space . 1000 square feet minimum , that was my dream . Lately I have toyed with building a whole new structure on our property , separate from the house ( I vacillated daily about whether or not I wanted to have a studio not connected to the house - I still do a lot of house related multi - tasking while painting ) and having a huge light and airy studio in a barn like structure seemed really appropriate for me . But mostly the plan for the last few years was to tear down our sagging metal , attached garage , replace it with a new structure that would be my studio and then eventually add a new garage in front of it . I have had many different plans concerning the details , but that basic idea was what we pretty much decided to go forward with . Well , I decided , Doug mostly had a look of sheer terror on his face whenever I mentioned a new studio . His terror was well founded because either plan was going to be really expensive . Like we might as well build a new house expensive . So a few months ago we ( ok , I admit it , I am the one who decided ) decided on a temporary solution . We have this great , unfinished , old house attic . It 's mostly uninsulated , cold in the winter Posted by Leaning Telephone Pole , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 12x16I have been trying to get a post up for the last few days but there has been so much going on that I have hardly had a minute to sit down at my desk . Well , except for the 2 hours I spent Tuesday evening researching ducks . ( A friend of mine is planning to order some ducks and when you get them through the mail you have to get a certain number so they are warm enough and since she doesn 't want so many we may split the order . Um , because I actually need more to do each day . So I am trying to figure out how and where to house them which is a pesky issue , mostly because of our killer dog , Penny . ) Anyway , on Tuesday I drove to Saratoga Springs to deliver my work to Gallery 100 . I had a very nice visit with Deb ( the owner ) and Nancy ( the director ) and on the drive there I was able to take some nice photos to use as reference , since the light was amazing . Oh and I have to say that I am now even more in love with my new car - the middle row of seats folds down ( unlike in my old car ) and it was a breeze loading it up with paintings . I hardly had to even stack anything . Since I hadn 't been able to get any painting done on Monday or Tuesday , I got right into the studio yesterday morning . I am working on a commission , which has taken me forever to get to and now finally I am at the color stage . I worked all morning , then had to go to an appointment , and then went right back into the studio when I got back home . The kids got home , took my son to his scout meeting , took the girls out to eat , picked up my son and went home , just in time to fold laundry while watching one of my favorite shows , Criminal Minds . Today is more of the same , studio , midday appointment , studio again . And probably more laundry too . The Very Last Minute of Winter , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 20x24Ok , the last few days have been incredibly busy . The girls had sleepovers ( elsewhere , which is the only reason that I am even remotely sane today ) and although it was quiet at home that evening , there was much driving around Friday , then Saturday morning . A show opening at the local art organization ( more on that in another post ) , a Children 's Book Author Festival on Saturday and the end of the season swim team party on Sunday ( which I had to cook a main dish for ) completed our social calendar for the weekend . Woo - hoo . And in between all of that , I am finishing up 13 pieces for Gallery 100 and despite having the most beautiful spring weather on Sunday , I had to stay inside and paint cradles . Ugh . I actually stood at the front windows for awhile yesterday afternoon , yearning for the time to go help Doug and the boys clean out the hen house . Well , not really . But I was itching to get outside and begin raking out my flower gardens . Maybe on Wednesday after delivery is complete - tomorrow I am driving to Saratoga to drop off my work . The images that I will be putting up for the next few weeks are from the batch of paintings for Gallery 100 - ones that I have been struggling with after getting back from the residency . Today 's image was painted on a day last week when there was still a bit of snow on the ground and flurries in the air , so the title seemed appropriate , especially after I decided to go with a snowy looking lavender for the field . Penny , who is really just the most well behaved , sweetest dog ever , also has a bit of a dark side . When she brings these sorts of things to the house , I start to question what the heck I am doing out here in all of this nature crap . Will I ever get used to seeing dead animal parts ? And will I ever not still be slightly fascinated by them anyway ? Dreamy Dusk , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 18x24The last few days have been filled with ups and downs . On Tuesday night , I was happy . I had a number of pieces that were off to a great start . They were all looking good and the world was all bright and sunny . I felt like the coolest girl painter ever at the middle school orientation ( my older daughter starts next fall - holy cow ! ) and it 's true that my ego was bursting a bit when a friend of ours was joking about how he and his wife see my work everywhere they go ; NYC , Williamstown , Tahiti . Oops , just kidding about Tahiti . Anyway , after working on Wednesday and realizing that one large piece was definitely crappy , and a few of the others looked pretty questionable , I went to bed feeling like I should give up painting and just go get a real job , you know the kind where every day is exactly the same . I couldn 't begin to imagine how I could make any of the questionable pieces work . But this evening , after spending a few hours today mucking around in the studio , I am feeling good again . I saved the ones that had been on the fence and I don 't mind saying that they actually turned out to be pretty dang good ! Still have a 36x36 panel to sand down , but THAT ' S nothing new . So I will go to bed tonight feeling like I really am a painter after all . Sheesh . Wonder what tomorrow will bring ? Orange on the Left , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 16x16In a moment of complete and utter optimism in myself as well as the passage of time , I agreed to participate in a group show . Gallery 100 in Saratoga Springs wants six paintings for a show and would also like a few new ones for their inventory . Um , by April 7 , the 8th at the latest . When I agreed to this LAST THURSDAY , I had about four or five pieces on hand and several more in progress . The gallery director also said that maybe one or two large scale pieces would be great , especially since the large ones have been selling well for me lately . Great . At that time , I had exactly zero finished large scale paintings on hand . Luckily though , I did have three prepared large panels and three hours before I had to pick up the kids . So I got down to business and managed to do an underpainting on each panel . ( I had to start them that day so that they would be ready to glaze after we got back from our weekend in the city . ) Monday I worked on the ones that were in progress and yesterday I began the color glazes on the large scale pieces . Two of them are really working , but I am not so sure about the third one . I am going to bail on it for now , in order to focus on the ones that are working at this point . I have to finish up the big ones , plus four or five medium sized pieces by tomorrow at the latest so that I can paint the cradles , photograph them , and do the paperwork before delivering them on Monday . So even though things are hectic , this was exactly what I needed to back on track . The pressure of doing a lot of painting , fast , really helps my work . There are benefits to not having time to think .
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Evening Comes , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 24x36I am finally feeling much more enthusiastic about the work I am currently doing . But almost on a daily basis , I end up procrastinating all morning , later and later each day , dash into the studio after lunch , work intermittently for several hours and then stop for the day . I don 't think the quality of my painting suffers from this , in fact mostly it 's just the opposite , but my mental health does suffer . For example this morning I spent all morning , reading the American Idol recaps on EVERY blog in America , and feeling terribly guilty about wasting so much time . I was also very disappointed to learn that nearly everyone in America thinks that my cutie pie , Jason Castro is going home tonight . I know he is far from the best singer this year but I just really enjoy his performances . They make me smile . Ok , and he is very cute and if I were just 20 years younger he and I might have a shot at real happiness . But I digress . This complete change in studio habits does have me a bit flummoxed . But it 's difficult to make any real effort to go back to my old schedule when I am so pleased with what I am accomplishing this way so I guess I will just continue to go with the flow . Maybe my technical abilities have caught up with my instincts and I don 't have to struggle with where and how to put the paint down quite as much as I used to . I don 't know . However , I really should make an effort to make better use of all the time I spend on the computer . I have so many more productive things I should be doing ; cleaning and reorganizing my kitchen cabinets , my desk , my clothes closet , finding a place for all the linens that used to be stored in a closet that we are in the middle of turning into a shower , MY TAXES , ( yes folks we took an extension for like the tenth year in a row ) , EXERCISE ! , weeding the garden , filling in the holes that Penny makes in the yard , the list goes on and on . But I suspect there will be much to catch up on Thursday morning what with someone going home tonight and whether orPosted by Edge of Pink Hill , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 24x36Despite the bugs and flies that were dive bombing into our faces , * Doug and I made pretty good progress in the garden on Sunday . Our plan , oops I mean MY plan , since Doug is just my slave now now in the vegetable garden and I am the one in charge , is to really produce enough food from our garden this summer for our family to eat . Well , mostly . I suspect my youngest daughter will eat very little from the garden , but that 's another story . So I spent the winter reading this book , many , many times , as well as reading up on things on the internet . It became clear that we needed to radically change the set up of the garden as well as conquer the weeds , including the evil burdock which comes up like grass around here . Last week Doug tilled up the soil , and on Sunday we formed three rows of 3 ' x6 ' beds . Well , technically we did not form all of them because a . that 's a lot of shoveling and b . we are too old to do that much in a day . but we got them all laid out , and Doug , ( he had to do most of the shoveling , because of my recent back issues ) got about six of them ready for planting , in addition to three more narrow rows which will be an asparagus bed . We replanted the strawberries from last year that made it through the winter , despite the fact that I did not cover them with straw like I was supposed to , and I planted a bed of peas and a bed of carrots . I have organic seed potatoes and asparagus crowns on order and they will go in as soon as they arrive . Oh and I am picking up some broccoli tomorrow and will get that in as well . Doug is trying to get some cold frame boxes built so that we can get some greens in ( not sure if THAT will happen this spring , he is notoriously slow at that kind of stuff and plus he has some traveling coming up ) and in another 3 weeks or so we can start planting tomatoes , peppers , beans , squash , zucchini , cucumbers , etc . I am going to try and do some succession planting this year , which means I need to keep track of what and where I plant everything . MorPosted by Route 10 Farm , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 16x20I meant to post yesterday , but my lower back went out first thing in the morning and left me with spasms all day . It hurt to sit too much , and it hurt to walk too much . The last time I had back trouble was when I was pregnant , and I don 't mind saying I was quite put out to have this going on now . But never fear , coincidentally I had an appointment already scheduled with my acupuncturist yesterday morning and he got me back on track . I had no injury , just an imbalance involving low potassium , water , bladder , kidney , heat , energy , too much ice cream and the rising price of oil . Or some such combination of things . It may sound kooky , but whatever he did worked , no more spasms , the pain is almost gone today ( though I am still pretty stiff ) and no medication necessary . Always a plus in my book . Anyway , I am trying to catch up with things today , both with work and around the house . I haven 't felt as if I have gotten much painting done in the last few weeks , but after making a list of the finished paintings I see that I am actually doing ok for the show in Hudson at the end of May . The guys are still working on the attic , although Tom has been installing a shower on our second floor bathroom for the last few days , while Matt is spackling the walls in the attic . I am putting up photos taken a few days ago , after they got the sheet rock up ( sorry about the water spots - guess I need to clean my camera lens ) . We were amazed to see how much lighter the space is with the walls up and as you can imagine , I can 't wait to get moved in . But there is still much more to do up there to get ready for the princess to move in . Heh . More updates to come . We have a busy weekend ahead which involves the vegetable garden , a boy scout camp out , two soccer games and a basketball clinic all of which mostly adds up to a lot of driving for mom . I will see you Monday , that is if I get through it all . Trees Converge , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 8x10By the end of my month at the Vermont Studio Center , I had gotten to be pretty good friends with artist Barbara Poole . She scared me a little at first , she is kind of blunt and brassy ( in a good way , but it scared me nonetheless ) and at one point her eyes literally shot daggers at me when I asked how old she was . But by my last night there ( she stayed another two weeks ) we were hanging around together , hitting all the goodbye parties . Well , the one anyway . We have kept in touch since the residency and I always enjoy her emails . I love Barbara 's work , though I will be quite embarrassed to see my image as a part of her hula hoop series . Yes , I did actually go and try to hula hoop in her studio , while she took photos . Try is the key word in that sentence . I used to be pretty good at the hula hoop , in grade school we spent many hours practicing and I could do a lot of tricks , up and down my arms , neck , to the feet and back up , multiple hoops , that sort of thing . At some point in the last 30 years though , I have seemingly lost my ability to even keep the hula hoop anywhere near my mid section . Ack ! It was embarrassing . Anyhoo , Barbara has a blog now , so I hope you 'll go on over and check it out . And definitely look at her work . Ya gotta love narrative imagery that includes nudes , vacuum cleaners and guns . Well , I do anyway . I have also been enjoying this blog , A Collage a Day , even if it seems to be near impossible to buy one of Randel 's bird collages . By the time I see them , they are sold ! And his blog led me to joie de vivre , by painter Kimberly Applegate . I love how she is putting together chairs and paintings . And naturally , all of the ones that I like are sold as well . Later on I will put up some pictures of the attic . The sheet rock is up ! Spring Lines , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 9x18One of my favorite painting formats has always been the square . I have painted many square paintings over the past few years and it was really working for me . There was something about the easy flow , and the circular movement of working within it that really appealed to me . However , the last time I did a successful square paintings was last November or so , when I did a series of 9 inch square paintings for the show at The Harrison Gallery . Each square painting I have attempted since then has ended in frustration and I now have a whole pile of square panels in my sand down pile . Not only small and cute 9 inch squares either , there are big ones ; 3 feet and even 4 feet square . Very annoying . But I am a fickle girl and I have totally been feeling the love for long and narrow rectangles lately , though . 9x18 has been a favorite , as well as 6x12 . And when I last ordered panels , I requested four 20x40 panels . Can 't wait to get those primed and ready to go ! All of this is making a difference in my imagery . Instead of the circular movements of the square , I am thinking in blocks , short horizontal bits of imagery if I am working in a vertical rectangular format . The horizontal format gives me the opportunity to paint long , languid , flowing compositions which are particularly challenging for me . Mostly I prefer working with the vertical , but I am always pleased with what happens in the horizontal too . Hardly any of those have gone to the sand down pile ! I hope the square thing will come back to me though ; last year I was on a square panel buying binge and I have at least 857 of them in my panel inventory . Well , maybe not quite that many , but close . Quiet , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 9x18Same old , same old here . We survived the sleepover , my son is now officially a teenager and we are moving on from that particular milestone . He has been sleeping until noon each day this week though so I guess new milestones are on the way . There has been way too much girl clothes shopping in the last few days . My daughters needed some spring clothes , new crocs , soccer shoes and other related accessories . Good times . Heh . I used to love shopping but somehow the kids have cured me of that and now it 's just energy sucking , intelligence draining hard labor . I have gotten very little work done this week and will definitely have to crank it into high gear Monday morning when the kids go back to school . I now have five weeks to get enough pieces together for the show in Hudson , not to mention getting new work to a a few of my galleries AND the Affordable Art Fair which is in mid - June . The attic is coming along . On Wednesday a crew came and did the spray foam insulation . The attic temporarily looks like an English Tudor mansion . Thursday , Tom and Matt worked on the outside of the new windows , trimming them up and they now look much better than all of the other old windows . On Friday morning two ( cute ) guys came with sheet rock and carried 43 pieces ( one at a time ) , up a ladder , onto the scaffolding and in through the middle window . Matt carried them inside and he and Tom got most of the ceiling up that afternoon . PS . I have been trying to put this post up since Friday , lest you all think I am trying to bail on this blog . First I had trouble getting the photos posted and then I kept getting an error notice when I tried to publish the post . Not sure if it 's our satellite connection which has been kind of funky lately , or blogger who hates me . Anyway , just so you know . Woodstock Field in Spring , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 2008I am being both a bad mom AND a bad artist this week . The kids are home for spring break and we made no plans to go anywhere or do anything because of the work going on in the house as well as the fact that I have a show ( several actually , including group shows ) coming up and I couldn 't imagine taking even a few days off . We probably should have gone somewhere though because I am doing both things badly . I spend all day telling the kids I have to get some work done , so I can 't really plan anything with them , on the other hand I am so distracted by their activities in the house that I have hardly gotten anything accomplished in the studio . I am trying though . I took two of my kids and one of their friends to see " Superheroes " on Saturday ( DO NOT see it - it is the worst movie ever , stupid and insulting and disgusting - the kids loved it , of course , they laughed while I cringed - at least it was only 85 minutes long ) and everyone pitched in to help clean the house on Sunday . Good times . Heh . I have taken them on my errands , we visited the library and art association and I have also let them watch a bit of tv . Today I did five underpaintings and tomorrow I really must finish up a few paintings that are nearly done . I will have to get to that though , before my son 's birthday sleepover begins and the house is filled with loud and smelly teenagers . Yes , folks , exactly 13 years ago today , at this minute , I was big as a house , two weeks overdue , and after a week of stop and go labor I was patiently walking around trying to get the contractions to come back . My son is not impressed by this story - he is just excited about being a teenager and getting gifts and hanging out with his friends , but I thought most of you would appreciate how momentous today is for me . Oh , yeah and Doug too . He did hang out with me during all of the labor . Heh . Oh , guess I am being more of a mom today after all . Rosy Hill , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 18x24And so all of a sudden I am getting a new studio . Let me start from the beginning . I had a gorgeous , huge studio over the garage of our house in Utah . As fate would have it however , the kids were still very young and my time to paint was very limited . I did manage to get some work done there , but mostly the room turned into a place to hide the things I didn 't want the kids to get into . We moved to NY , my youngest went off to all day kindergarten , leaving me with time to paint . But no space . I commandeered one of our two old house living rooms and managed to cram about half of my stuff from the old studio into it . The rest is in our icky old house basement . When it turned out that I would actually be doing A LOT of work in that room , I began to whine and scheme about getting a new studio , one with running water , natural light and well , space . 1000 square feet minimum , that was my dream . Lately I have toyed with building a whole new structure on our property , separate from the house ( I vacillated daily about whether or not I wanted to have a studio not connected to the house - I still do a lot of house related multi - tasking while painting ) and having a huge light and airy studio in a barn like structure seemed really appropriate for me . But mostly the plan for the last few years was to tear down our sagging metal , attached garage , replace it with a new structure that would be my studio and then eventually add a new garage in front of it . I have had many different plans concerning the details , but that basic idea was what we pretty much decided to go forward with . Well , I decided , Doug mostly had a look of sheer terror on his face whenever I mentioned a new studio . His terror was well founded because either plan was going to be really expensive . Like we might as well build a new house expensive . So a few months ago we ( ok , I admit it , I am the one who decided ) decided on a temporary solution . We have this great , unfinished , old house attic . It 's mostly uninsulated , cold in the winter Posted by Leaning Telephone Pole , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 12x16I have been trying to get a post up for the last few days but there has been so much going on that I have hardly had a minute to sit down at my desk . Well , except for the 2 hours I spent Tuesday evening researching ducks . ( A friend of mine is planning to order some ducks and when you get them through the mail you have to get a certain number so they are warm enough and since she doesn 't want so many we may split the order . Um , because I actually need more to do each day . So I am trying to figure out how and where to house them which is a pesky issue , mostly because of our killer dog , Penny . ) Anyway , on Tuesday I drove to Saratoga Springs to deliver my work to Gallery 100 . I had a very nice visit with Deb ( the owner ) and Nancy ( the director ) and on the drive there I was able to take some nice photos to use as reference , since the light was amazing . Oh and I have to say that I am now even more in love with my new car - the middle row of seats folds down ( unlike in my old car ) and it was a breeze loading it up with paintings . I hardly had to even stack anything . Since I hadn 't been able to get any painting done on Monday or Tuesday , I got right into the studio yesterday morning . I am working on a commission , which has taken me forever to get to and now finally I am at the color stage . I worked all morning , then had to go to an appointment , and then went right back into the studio when I got back home . The kids got home , took my son to his scout meeting , took the girls out to eat , picked up my son and went home , just in time to fold laundry while watching one of my favorite shows , Criminal Minds . Today is more of the same , studio , midday appointment , studio again . And probably more laundry too . The Very Last Minute of Winter , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 20x24Ok , the last few days have been incredibly busy . The girls had sleepovers ( elsewhere , which is the only reason that I am even remotely sane today ) and although it was quiet at home that evening , there was much driving around Friday , then Saturday morning . A show opening at the local art organization ( more on that in another post ) , a Children 's Book Author Festival on Saturday and the end of the season swim team party on Sunday ( which I had to cook a main dish for ) completed our social calendar for the weekend . Woo - hoo . And in between all of that , I am finishing up 13 pieces for Gallery 100 and despite having the most beautiful spring weather on Sunday , I had to stay inside and paint cradles . Ugh . I actually stood at the front windows for awhile yesterday afternoon , yearning for the time to go help Doug and the boys clean out the hen house . Well , not really . But I was itching to get outside and begin raking out my flower gardens . Maybe on Wednesday after delivery is complete - tomorrow I am driving to Saratoga to drop off my work . The images that I will be putting up for the next few weeks are from the batch of paintings for Gallery 100 - ones that I have been struggling with after getting back from the residency . Today 's image was painted on a day last week when there was still a bit of snow on the ground and flurries in the air , so the title seemed appropriate , especially after I decided to go with a snowy looking lavender for the field . Penny , who is really just the most well behaved , sweetest dog ever , also has a bit of a dark side . When she brings these sorts of things to the house , I start to question what the heck I am doing out here in all of this nature crap . Will I ever get used to seeing dead animal parts ? And will I ever not still be slightly fascinated by them anyway ? Dreamy Dusk , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 18x24The last few days have been filled with ups and downs . On Tuesday night , I was happy . I had a number of pieces that were off to a great start . They were all looking good and the world was all bright and sunny . I felt like the coolest girl painter ever at the middle school orientation ( my older daughter starts next fall - holy cow ! ) and it 's true that my ego was bursting a bit when a friend of ours was joking about how he and his wife see my work everywhere they go ; NYC , Williamstown , Tahiti . Oops , just kidding about Tahiti . Anyway , after working on Wednesday and realizing that one large piece was definitely crappy , and a few of the others looked pretty questionable , I went to bed feeling like I should give up painting and just go get a real job , you know the kind where every day is exactly the same . I couldn 't begin to imagine how I could make any of the questionable pieces work . But this evening , after spending a few hours today mucking around in the studio , I am feeling good again . I saved the ones that had been on the fence and I don 't mind saying that they actually turned out to be pretty dang good ! Still have a 36x36 panel to sand down , but THAT ' S nothing new . So I will go to bed tonight feeling like I really am a painter after all . Sheesh . Wonder what tomorrow will bring ? Orange on the Left , 2008 , Oil on Panel , 16x16In a moment of complete and utter optimism in myself as well as the passage of time , I agreed to participate in a group show . Gallery 100 in Saratoga Springs wants six paintings for a show and would also like a few new ones for their inventory . Um , by April 7 , the 8th at the latest . When I agreed to this LAST THURSDAY , I had about four or five pieces on hand and several more in progress . The gallery director also said that maybe one or two large scale pieces would be great , especially since the large ones have been selling well for me lately . Great . At that time , I had exactly zero finished large scale paintings on hand . Luckily though , I did have three prepared large panels and three hours before I had to pick up the kids . So I got down to business and managed to do an underpainting on each panel . ( I had to start them that day so that they would be ready to glaze after we got back from our weekend in the city . ) Monday I worked on the ones that were in progress and yesterday I began the color glazes on the large scale pieces . Two of them are really working , but I am not so sure about the third one . I am going to bail on it for now , in order to focus on the ones that are working at this point . I have to finish up the big ones , plus four or five medium sized pieces by tomorrow at the latest so that I can paint the cradles , photograph them , and do the paperwork before delivering them on Monday . So even though things are hectic , this was exactly what I needed to back on track . The pressure of doing a lot of painting , fast , really helps my work . There are benefits to not having time to think .
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Posted on October 28 , 2016 by Dalene When I was 19 , I unexpectedly lost my father . He had gone into the hospital for ulcerative colitis earlier in the week . What I understood at the time , was that he needed to have a procedure , but was not well enough for it . They were keeping him in the hospital in order to build up his strength for the procedure , which they hope to perform the next week . I was working two full - time jobs at the time . Hoeing weeds in the fields by day . Taking orders and slinging pizza by night . It was Friday night ( actually early Saturday morning ) after a shift at each . The next days , weeks , months , were a blur . But aside from a few moments of peace and calm - one when the bishop prayed with us that the spirit would be with us as Comforter and I felt a palpable sense of peace and comfort in the room and two - when people from all over the county - and some from states beyond - as well as a few high school friends I didn 't expect would understand at such a young age that showing up for and standing with people in such an hour has a deep and lifelong impact - showed up to honor my dad . I had previously only been aware of his immediate influence on our family . To see such a visible effect of how wide an influence one can make just by being an honest and friendly guy who was kind and who helped people . Well , that stays with me still . It took the patience of a true and honest friend who had the courage to sit me down privately one night in his car and tell me how selfish I was being to wake me up and bring me around . His message to me couldn 't have come from just anyone . And it couldn 't have come without true charity and a complete lack of judgment , either . I will forever be grateful for that one brave friend . In any case , now , though I still miss my dad these 35 years later , when I look back at that time , all I feel is the love . Our friends and neighbors ( and I 'm sure our family - although they were oh so far away , and they were mourning too ) surrounded us with love and service that lifted us and carried us through the worst of that time . Another lesson that stays with me still . Three years ago December , I got a frantic phone call from my mom , who lived alone in a city about 10 miles south of me . She needed a ride to the Emergency Room here where I live . Immediately . Her cancer was back . It was dark . It may have been raining . I was swearing and crying and praying all at the same time . I went to her house and held her as she cried and tried to joke about it at the very same time . But the prevailing feeling - along with disbelief - was fear . We were both so afraid . I don 't recall which room , but I recall exactly where I was sitting - in the corner , just to the top left of the gurney on which she sat , the doctor stood at the foot of her bed as he explained the results of the full body scan she 'd had in order to determine the cause of her unrelenting pain after someone had rear - ended her . The cancer was back . And it was everywhere . I remember during that time I heard a friend of mine speak of her experience caring for her mother towards the end of her life . Allison beautifully expressed what I was learning about the offering of imperfect but heartfelt service in in the midst of heartbreak . Looking back , I think she what was really talking about consecration and sanctification . Despite helping care for three of my four grandparents at the end of their mortal existence , caring for my mother was the first time I began to glimpse the meaning of consecration and sanctification . On January 7 I was getting ready to go in to work for a conference call , when I got a call from my sister - in - law . She was crying . And so apologetic . It would have been one of my nights to stay with Mom , but my brother had needed to switch . My mother had been sleeping peacefully . We all were in the habit of peeking in and listening at her door . My brother had just left to take his kids to school . When D ' Dee walked back by my mother 's door , it was too quiet . Despite all our efforts to be there for her , she had gone just the way she wanted - slipped away quietly , without any fuss . Shane was in the middle of teaching third grade and needed to get someone to take his class . So Zack drove me out to the house . We waited for hospice to come - grateful that Mom 's favorite aide hadn 't yet left on vacation and was able to attend to her one last time . The hospice nurses did what they needed to do , then we closed Mom 's door and waited for the funeral home to arrive . During our wait , we passed around the Häagen - Dazs ice cream bars that truly sustained her spirits through her final months and raised them together in a final Cheer ! to Mom . Mourning Mom was not as intense as mourning day . But it 's lingered longer . I 've thought a lot about why this mourning was so very different . I wonder how losing someone you love too soon and at an early age might shape you . It certainly had strengthened my faith . Both parents were ill and had suffered , so there was still relief for them at their passing . Relief that they suffered no more . But I had been distanced from my father 's suffering , as I was away at school for most of the year and was not charged with his care . My mother 's suffering had been personal to me . And my relief at her release was deeper . Also , we all felt - and still feel - great peace at knowing that after so many years alone , Mom is with Dad again . It seems counterintuitive . Impossible , even . But we both had identified beauty and joy in our very personal journeys with our mothers . The same sense of beauty and joy carries us through our mourning as well . Posted on October 28 , 2016 by Dalene Earlier this year Luke and Emily were planning a trip to Portland , to attend one of Emily 's friend 's wedding . They were planning on staying with one of my brothers in Idaho , and another in Portland . That sounded to me like a good excuse to see some of my siblings ( especially as I have two in the Boise area now ) , and they were in need of a reliable car anyway , so I decided to take some time off and drive them in mine . I feel like I 've already gone on and on about how much I love the drive to Idaho . Big skies . Rolling hills . Green and yellow checkerboard farms . The reassuring tsk tsk tsk of sprinkler lines . I drove it a few times with my mom in the last years she felt comfortable traveling , but not so much driving . And I 've made the trip myself a couple of times . But it was enjoyable with a carful of family as well . One of the most beautiful aspects of this trip was we didn 't really have an itinerary . We spontaneously stopped along the way to Boise to look down a deep river ravine on route to our planned detour to see Shoshone Falls . On the next leg we made a quick stop to see Multnomah Falls on the way there , and then drove through an isolated snowstorm to glimpse just the very top of Mt . Hood against a clear blue sky on the way back . And instead of stopping at Wendy 's at every leg , we whipped out our yelp apps to discover new places along the way . Aside from one of my kids who would willingly eat at Panda Express in every town ( the one kid who actually reads my blog , so please know I write this with love ; ) , there were no strong preferences to negotiate around . Just a lovely , chill " we 're game " - ness about everything . It went so well that even though we had just arrived the evening before , everyone was willing and excited to pile back in the car and drive to Canon Beach the next morning . If you are thisclose to an ocean , you make the effort to go just a little further and dip your toes in the waves . I hope someday to see more of our country this way . Casually and without a set itinerary . Good people . Good music . Good conversation . And good food . Oldest of six . One of two daughters . My little sister followed me after just 14 months . And then there were boys . My mother used to dress my sister and I as one might dress twins . My sister in pink or red . I was in blue . Which suits me , so I have no complaint . Our names were said so frequently together , " Dalene and Jayne Anne , " it wasn 't until I was quite a bit older I realized we were not two halves of one whole , but rather two distinct , separate beings . I am still blessed or plagued - depending on how you choose to look at it - by the effects of birth order . I call it a " responsibility complex . " It was ingrained in me that I needed to behave in order to set a good example for my younger siblings . I wasn 't perfect , but this most likely kept me out of some trouble I might have otherwise gotten into had I not taken this charge rather seriously . Now it only serves to make me feel responsible for things that are not my doing and which are beyond my ability to fix . My sister and I were often left in charge of our younger brothers . We both had very different approaches to this task . Fiercely independent myself , I 'm also inclined to grant others the same privilege , and tended to be more hands off . " If you 're not broken or bleeding , you 're ok . " That same refrain worked seemed to work just fine for my children as well . I wonder to what degree being oldest contributed to said fierce independence . It , too , is both a blessing and a curse . It provides me strength and confidence to do what I must , but also a reluctance to ask for or accept help when I truly need it . Now both of my parents are gone , I also feel a responsibility to stay connected with my siblings and help us stay in touch . I need to do better at this . I mean well , but here it is again nearly 11pm and I 've put off reaching out to them one more day . I will do better tomorrow . Posted on October 23 , 2016 by Dalene While I do enjoy getting lost in a good book , I also like to indulge in a good crime drama or two . Growing up , we got up early and worked hard during the day and would gather around and unwind together with a few television shows we enjoyed . In particular I remember watching CHIPS , Quincy M . E . , and the Rockford Files . Marathons are the worst . The first hotel cable TV marathon I recall was a weekend of Mythbusters . I don 't remember where we were or why we were staying in a hotel ( until last year 's work travel , hotels have always been a novelty ) . I do remember one time during a family reunion in Lake Tahoe , it was a NCIS marathon . And we did all gather round for that when we were back at the condo . I was hooked . Eventually I got all mostly caught up and I still watch NCIS . Now there are three ! And yes , Netflix . Netflix comes in handy when you are sick in bed or otherwise laid up , and over the summer when your regularly scheduled programming is on hiatus . I still recall the summer I was so unexpectedly taken with The West Wing . Well written and executed TV and movies are , in my mind , just a more visual form of fiction . What I love most about fiction I learned in reading Reading Lolita in Tehran . It can teach empathy beyond what is possible within the bounds of our own reality . " What we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth . " It 's different now , watching on the laptop instead of gathered around the TV as a family . Those of us who do watch TV all watch different things . But it 's a nice distraction from my own worries once in awhile . And sometimes can be quite cathartic . One Word ( that sounds like two ) : Broadchurch [ Post edit - Two side notes : 1 . One of my favorite characters in NCIS is Abby Scuito . I 'm more than a little thrilled that a couple of coworkers from both my prior and current jobs tell me I 'm the company " Abby . " 2 . Because I am a fangirl , my friend and colleague drove me past the Naval Academy in Annapolis during one of the four weeks we worked together in D . C . last year . It was awesome ! Also , a former NCIS agent was just hired as faculty in the forensics department of our college ( the College of Aviation and Public Services ) at UVU . I got to meet her and have talked with her a couple of times . It was awesome ! ] Growing up I was most familiar with Grandma Rex , as we would see her at least once a year during branding season , and often more than that . As I child I remember being gathered around her tiny kitchen table with my siblings when Grandma Rex was making large quantities of wheat bread . She would always hand each of us a small wad of warm , spongy dough and let us do what we wanted with it . Grandma Rex had a wonderful generous heart along with her strong opinions . She was tiny , but she was powerful and brave . She raised 11 children in some of the most unforgiving climate in the country ( Randolph routinely is the coldest place in the nation during winter ) back when times were physically hard , caring for and feeding the family and ranch hands without running water or any modern convenience . Later , after losing my uncle in the war , grandmother took her power and persuasion beyond local and state politics and was involved with the national MIA - POW campaigns . She was a force to be reckoned with her entire life . I still recall a quiet Sunday a few weeks before Grandma Rex died . We were taking turns spelling my aunts who 'd been caring for her and Grandma and I were watching professional golf . Phil Mikkelsen won the Masters . All this time I 'd known my grandmother and I never knew she enjoyed golf ! A favorite story about Pearl is one told at her funeral . Apparently one day she had been slaving over a hot stove preparing dinner for the masses and my grandfather ( and the ranch hands at his command ) was late . And grandmother was not happy . When he finally arrived she proceeded to give him a piece of her mind and he swept her up off her feet , twirled her around , and planted a great big kiss on her lips . That was an effective way to get some peace and quiet , apparently . Grandma Jacobs was also a tiny woman , but she was quiet . The whole time I knew her she quietly looked after my grandfather , standing back from the limelight , quietly running the seamlessly tight ship in which my grandfather thrived . While she did visit us in Oregon a couple of times , I best remember driving down to see her in San Diego every few years . I still remember being awed at her patience as six kids tracked sand in to her immaculate home after a day at the beach . We used to joke that Grandma Jacobs would have your water cup washed and put away almost before you were finished drinking out of it . This was the grandmother who would send me a dime for every book I read over summer break . And also the grandmother with whom I credit for giving me a testimony of the law of tithing . When I was in college Grandma Jacobs had a gift for sending me $ 10 seemingly randomly but uncannily every time I was looking at a week with no money for food because I had paid my tithing first . When Grandpa Jacobs retired , they sold their San Diego home and moved to Orem , where , as they grew older it was the privilege and blessing of my family to help serve and care for them . Eventually they moved into a senior living center , where we also spent a good deal of time visiting them . One of my favorite things about Grandma Jacobs was that she loved me for me , as is , and without judgment . I remember she used to come to my messy house and tell me how wonderful I was for spending time holding my babies - even when they slept . She recalled with sadness how when she was a young mother doctors warned mothers against spoiling their babies by holding them . The thought broke both our hearts . We were all so worried about Grandma Jacobs after Grandpa died . What would she do without the person who had been the focus of her attention her entire life ? She blossomed ! At 80 - something years old she bloomed into herself , making new friends , and we were all so delighted ! Though opposites , she and my husband 's Uncle Hilton became and remained good friends until he passed away . A few months before she died , I remember being curled up next to her on her bed , where she had been mostly unconscious throughout the day . I truly thought it was her last day . I was thinking about a particular child of mine who had been struggling . I silently thought to myself as if to her , " Grandma , be sure and come back and give " Jane " a kick in the pants now and then after you go . " Posted on October 14 , 2016 by Dalene When I was a kid all six of us were assigned to do dishes numerous times a week and to make a dinner lunch or breakfast at least twice . There were outdoor chores as well - mostly mowing and weeding and picking . ( In what is , perhaps , the most fortuitous situation of assigned gender roles , my sister and I were exempt from milking the cows . ) But the dishes . It would take me hours to load the dishwasher , mostly because I would put off emptying and putting the clean dishes away for so long first . It seemed like So . Much . Work . Unfortunately , lesson though learned , the choosing continues to be the rub . I am not the well - oiled chore - master my mother was . ( And that 's ok , I have other faults , but also other strengths . ) So I am generally overwhelmed with being outnumbered in terms of how many people are making messes vs . how many people are cleaning them up . Dishes and Laundry . I don 't dust . I don 't iron . I rarely do windows . And I 'm ok with that . I used to be a good gardener . Gardening and managing the space outdoors was preferable to me for several reasons . One , growing things provides pleasure . Two , sunshine . Three , even with the plague of the earth morning glory , the odds , somehow , seemed less against me . Finally , the work I did didn 't get undone in 5 minutes . But now I work full time . Our dog has commandeered the entire backyard . As previously explained , I struggle with the mornings I used to embrace . And even the handful of plants I manage to pot on my front porch suffer from neglect . Any victories ? Everyone does their own laundry . On a good day I sacrifice being exactly on time to work ( which is fine , because we have some flexibility ) to empty the dishwasher before I leave , even though I know I will still come home to dishes in the sink . And I 'm better about generally making myself last long enough to load the dinner dishes ( as long as there is only one batch ) before dragging my tired bones to bed . My biggest battle is with stuff . Too many years with too many people 's accumulation of stuff . Compounded with several boxes of my mom 's stuff I 've yet to tackle , stacked up along my bedroom wall . It , too , is overwhelming . I chip away at it from time to time , but I think a good part of the reason I so enjoy the occasional work travel these past couple of years is the blessed absence of stuff for a few days . I know there will come a time where the kids are all gone - their stuff with them . The clean will go longer before being undone . And maybe I 'll make a dent in the stuff . I expect I 'll find the house too quiet then . We lived outside unfettered and primarily unsupervised back in the good old days when we didn 't know any better than to fearlessly roam the planet oblivious to all sorts of dangers that terrify parents today . ( Stranger Things ? Totally nailed it as far as parents ' presence in our lives seemed . ) A few memories in particular I recall . People think of rain as gloomy and spirit - dampening , but I remember none of that from my childhood . I recall running through weeds and tall grass in what seemed like endless summer behind our back fence , which happened to run parallel to the freeway . I also recall endless hours grinding what I considered stackable pencil plants ( Scouring Rush or Horsetail ) into warm cement to scrawl out my name , words , sentences , rudimentary poetry in wet dark green . Only to have it fade to pale as the day wore on . I also recall what felt like entire summers in the pasture at my grandparents ' house in Randolph , Utah , and then , once we moved out to the country , in our own side pasture . Baseball was the game of choice . And I consider deprived any child who grew up not relying on cow pies for bases in always undermanned ( and under - womanned ) baseball games with siblings and cousins . IF we were lucky , the cow pies were sufficiently aged before use . If not , the green scuffs of manure weren 't that distinguishable from the green scuffs of grass on a well tanned leg or arm . My grandparents also had a rusted old swing set out in that pasture . At least that 's what they thought it was . To us it was most generally a rocket ship . Long before the days of thrusters and warp speed , that ship could go anywhere . Days seemed both timeless and endless as we traveled distances and survived adventures limited only by our imaginations . If you ventured out back and up the hill a little bit you would cross the old weathered bridge that spanned the creek ( or crick , as it were ) . Beyond that stood worn and no longer used farm structures that , to us , made up an entire western town - more likely a ghost town . But we were smaller then , and the world seemed a much bigger place . I imagine if I visited today , I 'd be somewhat saddened by its diminished size and expanse . In any case , we held animal - less rodeos , and lived out fictitious lives in the those dilapidated ruins . Posted on October 11 , 2016 by Dalene I wrote a great post for this . It was raw and real and beautiful . I know I hit publish , but even if I didn 't , I could have sworn - in fact I know because even now I see the " Draft saved at 8 : 54 : 28pm at the bottom of this page that drafts autosaved . . But my photos wouldn 't load . So I quit my browser and went out of the post . And when I came back in an empty text box was staring me in the face . Some of the women were old friends . Fae and I slipped upstairs to catch up briefly a few minutes before it started . Others would become new friends . Bound by a sisterhood that formed during just a few hours of raw and real honesty and vulnerability . 1 . We were asked to bring something we 'd written to share . It was to be a moment of acceptance and complete non - judgment . Such moments - perhaps especially among women - are rare and precious . I made a promise not to discuss beyond the retreat . But I will say this : the sharing of our truest stories - particularly in a loving , safe place - is powerful , heady , stuff . 2 . We gathered in a circle and held hands as we prayed over one of our meals . I don 't even recall which one - it doesn 't matter which one . I was next to my friend Dovie and two of her sisters - one of them Logann , ( whom I will write about later ) . What I remember , standing there in a wood cabin deep in the heart of the mountains with my eyes closed , is love , light , and energy . Along with my first experience in the Conference Center for the General Relief Society meeting , it is one of two times in my life when I 've received palpable witness that the power of good , loving women gathered together is far beyond what we even imagine . I 've been avoiding this one . Although I have been in pain , when I think of suffering I most often thinking of it in terms of the pain I feel over the suffering of others . In particular , I think of my mother . When her breast cancer spread throughout her body , one of the most awful ways it afflicted her was when her lungs would fill with fluid ( pleural effusion ) . She regularly had to go have the fluid drained ( thoracentesis ) , at great risk to herself . Having once suffered from double pneumonia , I still recall the heaviness on my lungs and the desperate fight for breath . Ultimately her doctor recommended a painful procedure ( thoracoscopic ( VATS ) talc pleurodesis ) in which they would essentially collapse the space where the fluid kept building by draining her lung fully , then filling the space with some sort of irritant ( again , I don 't recall what ) that made me think of cornstarch and which I honestly didn 't think had any reason being in the human body , especially not the lungs . I have blocked most of the details from memory and don 't feel inclined to dredge them up right now . But I know my mom suffered . She suffered like I had rarely seen before ( someday I will tell you about Adrienne ) . And it 's not like I would have or could have chosen any differently , but I chose to stay by her side . This is not valiant and does not in any way diminish her actual deep and unbearable suffering , but I suffered more than I can remember , simply by being witness to her suffering . It is the first time I recall praying for the end of someone 's suffering . When you are in the thick of something harder than you 've ever known , the heaviness of it is with you night and day and it feels like it will never end . The beautiful part of this story is that my mom 's courage in taking this on not once , but twice , led her - with the blessed help of hospice - to enjoy a few good months before she died . During that time she enjoyed numerous visits from family and friends . One of her favorite joys was to take her guests to see the latest progress on Payson Temple construction , something which also brought her a good deal of peace . Followed by fun a visit Rowley 's ( if related , it 's a quite distant relation ) Red Barn for apples , jam , and hard - scooped ice cream . And , finally , wrapping up with a visit to some family restaurant in Santquin where they serve scones bigger than your head . Just yesterday I drove past the completed Payson Temple on my way to our niece 's new home in Sanatquin and , on the way back , I noticed the lights at Rowley 's Red Barn . I remember how I worked so hard balancing everything during that time to support my mom , missing all these outings with family because I was saving up vacation and sick time " for the end . " One fine fall day I realized that " the end " might be too late . So I took a half day off of work and accompanied my Mom on her tour . It was a perfect autumn day . The smell and sense of fall harvest was in the air . And I was grateful my mom had seen it through in order to see such a beautiful day and to share it with me . Post has been edited to include the name of her condition and the procedures . The substance is worse than cornstarch . It is talc powder . Again , something that seems to have no business being inside of anyone 's lung .
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Big Plot Cards often crop up in my own work , and in the work of my fellow strugglers . Especially drama . Don 't know where your story 's going ? Play the BPC . Could be anything that lands like a bombshell on your script . Character not working ? Make him a terrorist . Story fizzles out ? Have the characters all get killed in a freak gas explosion . No matter what the problem with your script , you can fix it with a BPC , except you can 't . It reminds me of when I was a teenager , playing Dungeons and Dragons instead of going to parties where girls were . Whenever the role - playing adventure started to flag , leaving us in danger of remembering what total losers we were in real life , it would fall to the Dungeon Master to bring back the magic that made us forget . So he 'd crouch down behind his Dungeon Master 's Screen to summon something up . If he was good , he 'd come back with just the spark you needed to get your imagination going again , and you 'd be once more a seventh level assassin , on a mission of blood . But more often , he 'd throw in a big treasure you hadn 't earned or a big monster to kill you . Either way , the game was over . It 's the same thing when you get stuck on a story . You can try putting in bigger treasures ( a wedding ! ) , overpowered monsters ( an evil psychopath ! ) , or stronger magic ( incest ! ) , but it won 't work . Unless it does , of course . Oh , and a merry Christmas ! If I don 't see you . Just made it . I was really stuck on this one . I put in a voice - over , not sure if I 'd keep it , just using it as a scaffold , to make sure the story stayed focused on my new main character . That got me so far until the narrative began to drift from the outline , leaving me to hack it out in the script . Brain 's wrung out ; they should put pictures of it on packets of screenwriting as a caution to others . Coming up for air and food now . Taking a couple hours off , then back to it . I 've done it again ; let a deadline creep up too close . Might have to give X - Factor a miss . Boo hoo ! Yes I know ; I 've only got myself to blame . Okay , here we go ; rewrite time . I 've made an outline of the changes , and imagined the scenes . Should be nothing which stretches the characters ' credibility , but loads of difficult choices to stretch their moral fibre . Aim to do step outline today and rewrite it tomorrow . Correct it Monday ; email it Tuesday . Work , work , work ! No slacking . Had a bit of a eureka moment today . It just came to me , like a brain - gift , as I got in my car to drive to work . A story idea , high - concept , romantic comedy . Marketable , fun . Easy to sum up in one sentence . Really juicy female lead . Well , I think so , anyway . I 've learned to treat my eurekas with a bit of suspicion . So , as I wound my way up the Dartmoor lanes to work , doing a bit of car - skating on black ice ( you get used to it ) , I tried to cool myself on this idea . " It 's just as stupid as all the others , " I said . " You always love new ideas , but most of them turn out to be lousy . " But nothing worked . " This one really does seem good . " " You always say that , and slow down or we 're going to be grabbing some hedge . " " Oh yeah . Thanks . But listen , I do think this one is good . Let 's just think about some of the cool beats . " " You already have enough to do . Forget it . " " No . I 'm going to write it down , just as a logline . Then let it rest a day or so . Then , I 'll just start making a few notes . " " No ! Focus on your current projects . This one will turn out to be as lame as a . . . woah we have no control at all now , do we ? " " None . I 'm going to make a few notes . Quickly , before I start setting up for the day . Post - it notes . " " Yeah right . You say post - it notes , but I know what you 'll be doing by the weekend . You 'll be going up to Exeter . You 'll pretend it 's for Christmas shopping , and you 'll do some of that for cover . But we both know you 'll be buying a new notebook at that trendy stationers . AAARRGHH ! " " Sorry . " " Good thing that was only a hedge . " Yuck . I don 't get stomach bugs , but one got me . Last night , I went from feeling fine to retching my guts out within the space of about an hour . Stayed off work today , writing and reading scripts . Looks like I 've held down lunch too , so that 's good . Speaking of holding down your lunch , I 'm back on Trigger Street . Strictly as a reviewer for now , trying to master the difficult art of writing script reports , especially those pesky synopses . That 's right , those lucky TS hacks are getting free 1 , 500 word script reports off me , roughly modelled on the Film Council format . I 'm revisiting Danny Stack 's Step One : Read Scripts . I see the Recession Fleet is anchored offshore . If you want physical proof of the global downward trends , just take a look at our coastal waters . You will see ships anchored , light , going nowhere . They are shut down , except for a few cabins for skeleton crews kicking their heels . This is good news for us though , as those skeletons will want to be watching plenty DVDs . The other day , I went on a course for maths teachers . The course leaders devoted significant time to the topic of building a supportive environment in the classroom . Research shows that , the more hostile the environment , the more energy children must devote to their own emotional survival , the less energy they have available for creative problem - solving . That 's bad for maths . Teachers should build a supportive , safe environment , where children can focus on learning , not emotional self - defense . Think on , writers . Nurture your creativity . Get into a positive , supportive space , where you feel free to take risks and make mistakes . It may be true that Primo Levi started writing If This is a Man while still in Auschwitz , but that 's not the ideal we should be reaching for . Psychologists looking into this question tried an experiment . They had three groups , who had to perform a cognitive task ; I think it involved sorting and categorising . One group watched a funny comedy first ; the second watched a neutral film about maths ; the third watched a deprePosted by It 's easy for a new writer to forget about the development , production and distribution side of the business . And on one level , that 's fine ; at this stage of my development , I need to worry about writing a great spec that will open doors and lead to other things , though it will probably never get made . But it doesn 't hurt to have some idea how development executives and distributors think . Bear with me now , I 'm outside my comfort zone as I write up my notes from a lecture we had on . . . ( shocking chord ) Project Assessment . We had a talk from Tom Strudwick , who has worked in development and distribution for many years . He introduced us to some basic concepts which could be useful to bear in mind , especially when you come to try and sell a spec . The first of these is marketability vs . playability . Marketability refers to how easy the idea is to sell to an audience . A new Harry Potter film is automatically marketable . There is huge existing audience who will go and see a Harry Potter ( or Bond or Star Wars . . . ) no matter what . Or a film might be marketable because it has a great premise ( Snakes on a Plane , 40 - Year - Old Virgin . . . ) or top acting talent . Playability is about the audience 's viewing experience . If it 's good , they spread the word , and the audience grows . Shawshank Redemption and Sideways are examples of less obviously marketable films that were playable . A marketable film , even if it 's not very playable , can still get a release . These films typically have a huge first weekend box - office take , which then slowly drops off as the reviews and poor word - of - mouth circulate . Ideally , of course , a film is both marketable and playable , but marketable comes first . Marketable films make money in the long run , because the premise , talent , or franchise hooks people in . The second basic distribution concept is upscale vs . downscale . Upscale films are review - driven . People who see upscale films typically read reviews and take notice of Sundance , Cannes , etc . Guardian didn 't like it ? Independent didn 't like it ? No Palme d ' Or ? YourPosted by Big congrats to all the several bloggers through to the Red Planet final , and heartfelt commiserations to those who didn 't make the cut . Me ? I failed in the worst possible way - I failed to enter . I meant to . Had something I thought might be good for it , but . . . forgot to send it . Not much else to say at the moment . Got my head down writing though , which is great . Onwards ! As Mr . Bishop says . Novelist and playwright Nell Leyshon gave a talk at the residential . She told the story of how she got started writing , how as she puts it , she served her apprenticeship . Nell cut her writing teeth as her baby was cutting real ones . She just did it ; she wrote with a baby on her knee . She wrote novels and stories and kept working at them until they were good . She describes her apprenticeship as the ' long , lonely time . ' I think we all know what she means . No one asks you or even particularly wants to you start writing stories . It feels pretentious , presumptuous ; anyone who starts out writing has ideas above their station . What the hell gets into us ? It can 't just be a simple craving for status and recognition . If that 's all you have , you 'll soon give up , because you ain 't going to get it until you 've paid your dues . There has to be something more to sustain you through the long , lonely time . A need to communicate ? The joy of imagining ? The pride of a job well done ? Sometimes I give myself the mountain - climbing lecture . It 's like this : if you want to climb mountains , you have to enjoy the climb . Mountain - tops are cold , barren , inhospitable places ; the goal can 't be simply to reach the top . You have to be in it for the climb itself too . It 's hard , sometimes scary , and no one can climb it for you . So , getting to the top is the goal , but there 's no point doing it unless you like climbing . I forget why the mountain climbing lecture helps . Somehow it does . Nell had her break when she sent a radio play into BBC Writer 's Room . It was good , and they took her onto a scheme with a commission at the end . Good old Writer 's Room . Then she sent a story in to a competition , and it made it into a prestigious Picador anthology , and on the back of that , her first novel was published . Needless to say , her ' first ' novel was actually her third or fourth . So that 's it . If you want to be a writer , you have to serve your apprenticeship . The more you write , the more you can write . And , if you really work at it , you can get good enough that peopPosted by I 'm knackered and buzzing from the residential at Bournemouth . My memory and notebook are overflowing with ideas , plans , goals , lists and assignments . So much to say , so little active brain capacity . Sorry about that ; it 's going to be a ramble . First things first : the tutorial . My tutor , a novelist , playwright , radio - writer and screenwriter , is a firm believer in organic story - telling and emotional truth . She asked me to name the aspect of the story that got me going ; not the observational research or the terms of the assignment , but the spark that fired my imagination . I told her what I thought it was . So we took that and started again . It was quite a challenge to be confronted by such an honest , poetic writer . In her eyes , my script has problems of tone and conviction . To solve them , we 're back to page 1 , and the father - daughter relationship . She also encouraged me to write it in a timeless , universal setting and tone . She wasn 't being dogmatic about what 's good , but a responding to the kind of story I want to tell , and the arena I 've chosen . That means I 've got to redo the dialogue and remove some of the slang and references to pop - culture , but still keep it contemporary . Contemporary yet timeless , if that makes any sense . The characters are going to be archetypal people like us . What an exciting challenge ! Write a totally convincing drama and turn it in to a professional dramatist . As ever , It 's up to me . Oh shit . Meanwhile , on the home - front , my play has taken another step forward . I 'll be organising a reading in the near future , then rewriting it based on that for a performance in March . Hmm . Short ramble . G ' night . Under the influence of a full moon and a looming deadline , I rewrote fifteen pages from scratch . Finished in the wee hours and emailed it , feeling very happy with the improvements . The Deadline Rabbit had made its appearance . Nice bunny . Why won 't he show up any earlier ? I check my several hats all the time , but can 't seem to yoink a rabbit without a lunatic clock driving me . Had feedback from my tutor on the first script . Interesting points made about tempo , and how it can be used to lend more or less emphasis to scenes and other units of story . Hadn 't really thought about that much . I suppose I feel it , sometimes ; just a sense that you want this bit to play out at length , and that bit needs just a flash . This script had quite an even rhythm , which made it feel flat . My use of flashbacks was somewhat ' clunky and old - fashioned ' in the way I had them play out as little scenes in their own right . The tutor would have liked more intercutting . That said , the feedback was really good and encouraging overall , but I will be adding ' pace and tempo ' to the list of drafts . Well , that was fun . So close . I went into Pitch Up thinking it was an excercise , a learning experience . This was pitch practice , not the real thing . Then it turned real . Then it fell apart . And now I 'm left with a strange mix of disappointment and relief . And , just a bit of affirmation . Nothing yet has changed my view that if I just come up with a good enough story , and execute it well enough , it will be realised as a film . People will sit in the dark , or on their sofas , and get caught up into one of my stories . And then , after the ups and downs of pitching and getting a nibble , there was last night 's electoral euphoria . What a wonderful speech Obama made . So much hope , so much promise . I love the way he takes you back into history , makes you feel part of it , then turns and points to the future . I wonder who wrote it . This next week , my main task will be to rewrite my 30 minute drama , based on the observational research I did in September . It 's had a good rest . Time to work through the drafts . As I walked over to Channel Four from Victoria Station , I kept pretending to be lost , stopping people for ' directions ' . ' Excuse me , Miss , do you know Horseferry Road ? I 'm looking for the Channel Four building . You know , the big TV place , where John Snow and Skins and Davina McCall live ? I have business there . I was specially requested to come , as a matter of fact . They have my name down at reception and everything . . . Oh , you know , the usual , just giving a pitch to a panel of Top TV Executives . . . ' But if random Londoners failed to look impressed by my having an appointment at Channel Four , the building itself did not disappoint . First , you can walk back and forwards out the front , making the 4 sculpture come together and break apart in your view , just like it does on the station teasers , or whatever they 're called . Inside , the place is a mixture of the Death Star , a concrete bunker , and a Marriott hotel . I was shown down some narrow winding concrete steps to a circular chamber , where there were already about twenty people waiting , sipping wine and chatting in hushed tones . I had a couple glasses of red , just to oil and calibrate the pitching gyros . At the appointed hour , the fifty or so of us were shown in to a screening room . Tom Sutton from Stellar Network introduced the panelists , Sarah Edwards and Madeleine Knight . He also thanked Alexandra Denye for doing most of the work , organising and setting up the event . Then , without further ado , the pitching commenced . My hands ? Clammy . My throat ? Dry . My mind ? A blank . Fortunately , the set - up was not as threatening as I 'd feared . We pitchers pitched from our seats in the audience , standing if we wished . It was a bit like Question Time . As it went on , I relaxed and took notes . There were several pitches I thought sounded very good . I should explain at this point that the pitches , with one exception , were all factual or entertainment , mine included . I 'd read the mini - CVs of the panel , posted on the Pitch Up website . When I saw that they were all that way inclined , I decided to haPosted by I 'll get around to posting a full write up of my notes in a couple days . For now , I 'll just say it was a great evening , listening to wild , wacky , touching , worthy , and frankly bizarre ideas for films and series . The feedback was positive and constructive ; I was impressed by how fluently the executives can discuss ideas . My own pitch seems to have gone down pretty well ; we shall see if anything comes of it . That 's all for now . Off on hols for a couple of days . Taking a notebook , instead of a laptop . Nice to write with a pen sometimes . Tara ! Here I go , up to London to Channel Four with a fistful of hot , sticky pitch . What I remember from the various bits of pitching advice I 've received : 1 . Make a good impression . Be someone they would want to work with . The first aim of any communication is to leave your interlocutor wanting more of you . 2 . Keep it short , and to the point . Let them ask questions afterwards ; don 't splurge it all out too soon . ( This is good advice generally ) 3 . Get a response : laughter , tears , and provocative thoughts , all in the right places . 4 . If it 's television , make sure you know the slot and audience you 're aiming for . 5 . UmmI forgot number 5 . What was it again ? With my second assignment not due until November 12th , and the rough draft for it written and resting , I 've decided to concentrate on the new project for another week or so . In that time , I aim to have a treatment and a step outline done , and hopefully a rough draft . Keep the momentum going to the end , until I have a thing to work on . To every script , Draft , draft , draft , There is a storyDraft , draft , draft , And a three act structure , Which emerges organically out of your characters ' desires , and escalating conflict . An act to set up , An act to develop , An act to resolve , And a surprising ending . An act , you will cut outAn act you 'll redo , in light of your emerging theme . To every script , Draft , draft , draft , There are visual motifs , Draft , draft , draft , And inventive set ups , which you tie in in clever waysTo subvert the audience 's expectations . A draft to exploreA draft to cohereA draft to tear upA draft to despairA draft , to show all your matesA draft to redo in light of feedback . To every script , Draft , draft , draft , There is pathos , Draft , draft , draft , And humour which also serves to underline the emotional resonance . A draft to put in , A draft to take outA draft for transitionsA draft for dialogueA draft to cut , cut , cut , cut , cut , cutA draft oh bugger it I should shut up and get to work . I 'm through to Pitch Up . Yikes ! I just found out now . Should have known last Wednesday , but the stupid email ended up in ' Bulk . ' So I was puzzled when I opened the Stellar Network email , to find instructions , time - limits . . . etc . Whoo hoo ! Yikes . How cool ! How horrible ! On the upside , I 've always wanted to see the inside of the Channel 4 building . AAAHHH ! I first experienced Theatre Alibi when they came to visit my last school with Bonjour Bob , by Daniel Jamieson . I walked into the school hall , having prepped my little darlings to behave themselves and not call out or fidget , to really listen and clap at the end . But no one prepared me for the emotional punch of this simple , beautiful story of two lonely old men . They write messages in the sand of their separate beaches , and find that someone 's writing back . It 's The Sea , carrying their messages to each other . Each man has joyful memories of lost best friends . Bob has lost his wife forever , but he cheerfully bears up , sifting through objects in his beach hut , and remembering her with a heartbreaking smile . Pierre has lost his lovely grandson , who has moved away to a tropical island . I was in bits within ten minutes , almost wishing I could be distracted by a figeting or calling out child . No such luck . The children were all perfectly absorbed , entertained and nourished . The cellist didn 't help matters either . So I was left to focus on Bob 's joyful memories , brought vividly to life , The Sea playing the part of his wonderful , adventurous wife , who teaches him to sail and fish and be brave , knowing full well the scene would end with him alone , looking into the empty picture frame . Cue cello . Cue tears . I took the family to see Teapot today , also by Jamieson . Another lovely story , with cheerful , brave characters and a bloody cello . I write this with a thumping head and a creeping sense of guilty embarrassment . Last night , I drank too much , and argued loudly in the kebab shop . It was a silly argument . I pointed out to my friends , can 't remember why , that without modern infrastructure Britain could only support some ten percent of its population . Funny , last night , I knew that I was completely right about everything . Now I 'm not so sure . Is it ten percent , or twenty ? Did I forget to mention that this is a study I heard about on a YouTube video , and that it was commissioned in the 1950s , looking into what would happen in the event of a nuclear attack ? ( I think the figure was , 10 % of those who died would die of the initial blast and radiation poisoning , the rest would die because of loss of infrastructure ) I can 't think why it was so important for me to convince my drinking buddies , the young couple , the bloke with the wrinkly dog , the staff of the Kebab shop . . . that I was right . Kebab Shop Owner : ' People would find a way to survive . You only need a cow . ' Me : ' Oh yeah , where 's your cow ? ' KSO : ' Turkey . ' Me . ' How you gonna get to Turkey ? ' ( In my scenario , there was no transport ) KSO : ' I will sail to France and walk from there . ' Me : ' Right . What will you eat along the way ? ' Guy With the Wrinkly Dog : ' There 's cows right here in England , mate . ' Me : ' What are you going to feed them ? ' ( There will be no cattle - feed deliveries . This is a total breakdown of everything . ) GWWD : ' Grass . Cows eat grass . ' Me : ' How much grass do you need to support a cow ? How many people can one cow feed ? ' . . . and so on . I ' proved ' to them that , according to my scenario , which is backed up by a dilligent and precise scientific and mathematical study , by highly intelligent and honest people , who dedicated their lives to it , and what have you done with your life that gives you the right to criticize them ? . . . every item in the kebab shop , from Coke to lettuce , would be unavailable to us , and that we would all starve to death . I ended up walking home alone , eating a chicken kebab as if it were mPosted by Funny how taking a couple days off writing sucked me into a cosmic timewarp . One minute , I was enjoying some well - earned rest . I watched a bit of telly . I went shopping . I longed for a camcorder . I read Obama 's book . ( Yay Barack ! If there 's a more reasonable man on this planet , I 'd like to know about him . ) Next thing I know , I rematerialise in a universe where I have to finish a final draft within hours . Harsh , and unfair . So I did it , and have just emailed it , with 12 hours and four minutes to spare . Funny thing about writing late at night . You can give the whole script one more pass . You can improve lines and put some fine touches on the ending . But can you manage to save the right file as a . pdf onto the usb disk and take it to the other computer to email it , or realise your mistake and correct it without swearing ? No you can 't . You get it wrong , and you say all the really bad swear words . Looks like my plan to stage a community production of my one act play will go ahead early in the New Year . Still lots to organise , but in principle , it 's going to happen . I 'm going to direct it and all . This is going to be a huge learning experience , a massive challenge , and the start of a new turn in my career . It 's going to ' wrinkle my brain , ' as my daughter says . Naturally , I still want some producer to fall in love with one of my scripts , hire a director and crew to do all the work for me , like little elves , and present the finished work to me next morning . And who knows ? Might just happen ; the right script might just land on the right desk at the right time . Maybe . But I 'm not going to sit around waiting for someone else to introduce my work to an audience . That 's a connection I can start making myself . Loads of people go to community theatre productions . I 'm going to give them something fresh , new and exciting , and I will strive for a professional standard . As writer - director , I 'll be able to communicate to the actors exactly what the subtext is , exactly what the scene is about . And , by the same token , I 'll learn from them , and rewrite accordingly . And ultimately , I will be able to experience the audience 's reaction , and see how well it played . So , while I will continue to approach people with my scripts , I 'm also going to start making them myself , for ( community ) stage and ( computer ) screen . That 's what will complete the MA , and make it a true education in dramatic writing . I call this next stage of my career ' Putting it together . ' It 's not just about writing . I 'm aiming to be a screenwriter , a playwright , and that means understanding the audience . I 'm yearning to have a digital video camera . I can afford a cheapie off ebay no problem . But I want a professional one , a Sony , or Canon , one that looks impressive . It 's a long , long time since I 've wanted a thing like I want a camera now . I need it . I need a camera . I need to start making films . IWANNACAMCORDER . But I can 't have it . Do I : a . practise self - denial , and continue to live without a digital camcorderb . get a cheapie , and start making cheap - looking filmsc . spend money I haven 't got and get A REALLY COOL CAMERA LIKE WHAT i WANTd . find a clever angle , and obtain what I want through other meanse . otherI 'm leaning towards b , which will give partial satisfaction now . What 's the cheapest one that would be okay for like posting stuff on YouTube ? Today , walking around Exeter , I wished I 'd brought a notebook . Everyone I saw was a character in a story . I was having some kind of empathy rush . I loved everyone . Take the girl I saw , helping her drunk boyfriend onto a train . She brought him onto the platform with a few minutes to wait . He was falling - down drunk , and much bigger than her , but the girl was solid , strong . She stood on these massive tree - trunk legs and supported him , never let him fall as he clung to her . She radiated this tremendous confidence and stability . I thought ' Wow , what is she , 17 ? ' She looked around at me and met my stare . I had the impression of a girl who 's not afraid of anything , who would not be shocked by anything . But this guy 's going to let her down one day . He 's not going to carry her when she needs him to . And then , she 's going to pick herself up and do something admirable . I felt like one of the angels in Wings of Desire or something , connecting with strangers . Maybe I just don 't get out enough . It 's working ! My cunning plan is magic . I 'm already thinking about the draft , responding to the characters , asking questions about why they do what they do . Thinking like the audience , not buying certain things . And it 's filling in gaps , awakening new possibilities . The questions feed back into the structure , bringing new information to fit in . So you get your story hat back on ( mine 's a fetching wooly one ) and set to work . ' Ah hah , I 'm glad you asked that because . . . ' And you 've got more to get in , forcing you into cleverer , more energetic story - making . Finished the draft a little while ago . Came in at 25 pages , a bit short as I feared . I 'm glad I can work a lot quicker these days . So now I leave leave it while I rewrite the other one . Yes ! Looks like I 'm set to have a writing day today . I 'm back to full - time work , so have been writing instead of sleeping . Did okay all week , thanks to the magic of coffee . Then last night , I collapsed . I 'm roughly at the half - way point of the script , page 14 . My eyes were hurting , so I decided to lie down on the sofa to do a little deep imagining . I had my lovely wooly hat on ( not quite poncho time yet , but it 's coming ) and a nice soft blanket . Ah . This is what sofas were actually designed for . Next thing I know , it 's 6 : 30 in the morning . I creep into bed . C stirs and asks if I 've been up all night . I just said no , which is not a complete lie . She worries I don 't get enough sleep , don 't go out enough , spend too much time in front of a computer screen . All true , so I 've got to make the most of today . I 'm aiming for ' Fade Out . ' Step outline 's working a treat . Got up to page seven , not bad for a late night stint . The first big turning point looks like it will fall around 9 or 10 , about right for 30 minutes . Not that I 'm trying to write by the numbers , but you have to keep a little eye on them when you 've been given a page - count . So what do you tell yourself when you 're tired , and the sofa 's whispering sweet nothings ? How do you get yourself going ? Sometimes I pretend I 'm setting the laptop up for no particular reason , then just randomly sitting down at it . Sort of gently sucker myself into writing something . Did a step outline , to try and gauge if I have the right amount of story for thirty minutes . Came in at five pages , fourteen scenes . That 's probably a little light , but I 'm going to write it as is , just to get a draft on the table . Mark Barrowcliffe wrote , in his very funny novel , The Elfish Gene , that writing is a way of imagining . He gives the example of trying to visualise yourself parachuting out of an aeroplane . If you just close your eyes and do it , you might summon brief flashes of imagery , the sky , the ground , the blast of wind . But if you write it , you can scaffold your imagination , putting together each bit , until you 've described the whole thing , and you 're thumping down in a certain field in Dorset , if you want . That 's what I get from writing drafts . After a few , I 'm telling something that I 've actually witnessed in my imagination . So I 'm going to write this up now , just what I have , but with an eye to the father - daughter relationship , which needs a bit of setting up . Sat up working on the outline last night . Beats so far : Angus pours out bilge water . Handsome yacht in a small port . Sees a cormorant . Sees Kate . It 's high tide , slack water . Ship comes in ; hull 's shadow on Kate . She hides . A . rows ashore , crosses ship 's wake . Cock of the walk . Chats up Kate ; she gets him to buy a drink . Rows Kate out ; Kate drinks . They go below , compare scars . On deck tides rushing out too fast to row back . Kate cries to go home ; falls in fast current . A . rescues , boat capsizes , they end up on sandspit . D . picks them up . Drops A . back on the salty , takes K . shore . Low water . Angus prepares escape , hears boat , hides knife . Dad comes aboard . " She 's in hospital . You 're going to hand yourself in . " " What for ? " Scuffle . A . pulls knife , D . knocks him senseless with fire - extinguisher . A . Comes to . " Thought you were taking me to police . " " Change of plan . " Bashes hatch with anchor . Door opens . Over he goes with anchor . Climbs up anchor rope . D . unties . Splash . A grabs fender . Both overboard ; life and death struggle . A . comes up . Tries to pull in D . with boathook . A . tries CPR . No good . Angus fires a flare , ' small boat in a big sea . ' Still pretty rough , not quite got it yet , but starting to come together . Had the tutorial tonight , on my second assignment . I 've got a stinking cold , feels like it 's clogging up my brain as well as nose , but the tutorial went well in spite of that . The tutor asked me what the point of it was . Hmm , good question . I told her I was trying to write a contemporary story that had the feel of a dark folk ballad , of the sort that might have been sung here in the olden days . She liked that , and asked some questions about the characters and their arcs , etc . The conversation soon homed in on a problem area , namely the father character , and how to make sure he was believable . Then something really cool happened . As I was talking it through , I hit on something that worked , just like that . Just said it , and she 's like , ' That 's it . Try that . ' Now I 've got everything but the very , very ending . I know what 's going to happen , but not how , exactly . My tutor suggested I work through some more outlines and see what happens . Need to do the Unit One rewrite by October 15th , but will put it off for a week . Work on this one while it 's hot . Now my blog is called pancakes . I 'll try to keep them light and fluffy . Sorry for when they get gluey or stodgy . You can pick your own toppings , and have them for breakfast , tea or pudding . I 've been tagged by the ever lovely Potdoll , to post a song about writing . Since she 's already taken Chumbawumba , I 'll have ' Love , love me do , ' by the Beatles . I tag anyone who 's not done it . I 've written a rough treatment for the 30 minute arena script . Still loads to sort , but I 've got a story I believe . As I was writing it , I started having the feeling of folk ballads , especially House Carpenter . I like the simplicity and strong emotions . In House Carpenter , an unfaithful woman goes to sea with her lover , but finds he 's Satan taking her to hell - When you listen to the song , you feel her fear and regret , though she made the choice of leaving her home and children for the lover 's promised riches , power and freedom . So I had that tone ringing in my thoughts as I wrote , and it pushed me out off Gale 's Hill , into the harbour and the salty , letting the tide play a full role in a story of three characters , a lover , a daughter and a vengeful father . I 'm going to write another treatment of it , then jump in in a couple days time . Just found out who my tutor 's going to be . Very excited ! Tutorial went really well yesterday . I have very clear notes on what to do for the next draft . Something between major overhaul and minor tweakage required . I need to show , through action , something that I 'd only alluded to in the voice over : a new sequence to be blended in . I need to fix a few lines which were too pat , knowing , on - the - nose . One or two cuts . A couple typos as well . Today , I need to do the final installment of my observational research , and also write up yesterday 's notes . Still don 't have a story , which is mildly concerning , since I need to have the initial outline in by Wednesday , noon . The final script is supposed to be substantially related to what the outline says it 's about . That 's a tricky one , an aspect of my writing that needs serious work : being able to stick to an outline . The more I write , the more I realize I 'm a dive - in - and - write - it sort of person . The story only really emerges in the second draft . That 's no good in the real world of TV writing , where you sometimes have to write an episode already roughly blocked out by story - liners , and you also have to deliver what you pitched at the meeting . I 've got some serious work to do between now and Tuesday night , when I 'll have to email the outline . At the least , I think I should write a full treatment , and preferably a rough script . I can actually write a thirty page script in a couple of days , at a push . Okay , here 's the plan . Spend a couple of hours down on Gale 's Hill , hopefully getting whacked upside the head by a great story idea . Come home , write it . Ready , break ! Just printing out the 20 minute voice - over script for a pre - tutorial read - through . I purposely have not look at it since turning it in , so I should be reading with fresh , clear , critical eyes in a minute . I 'm actually feeling quite nervous about this tutorial . It 's my second one , but the first one with a tutor ( a writer with more screen , stage and radio credits than I have rejections ) who 's read my work . What 's he going to say about it ? I find out in a couple of hours . Yikes ! Better get reading and making a few notes of my own . I take comfort from looking at Jason Arnop 's mug , and reading Danny Stack 's article , The Three Stages of Feedback . I 'm at stage one . Went down to Gale 's Hill with thumping headache last night . It was a high spring tide ; Gale 's Hill under water . I sat in the dark with the water lapping near my feet , making notes . A bunch of kids were fishing off the fish quay , wearing headlamps . Lots of dogs were running around . A big ship tied up at the commercial quay . It all felt sort of menacing : rising water , boys with lights on their heads , a big ship , dogs , dark . A car came and drove down the boat ramp . Stopped a moment , then reversed back out again . What that was about ? Got a story idea . Rejected it . Must keep an open mind and see this process through . Went down to Gale 's hill this morning , to start my observational research . Gale 's Hill is not a hill at all . It 's a beach on the Teign estuary . As I arrived , the boys from a local shellfish company were loading up their oyster barge , or challand if you want the French . I told them what I was up to , and they were all quite friendly and happy to chat , and explain a bit about seeding and harvesting shellfish . There 's been a managed shell - fishery on the river for over a thousand years ; the Teign provided shellfish to the Bishop of Exeter and his cronies . Next up for launching were a couple of serious fishermen from Tiverton . They looked the business in waders and camoflage and greasy hats . They told me they were headed out about ten miles to fish a wreck . And so it went . Men came to launch all manner of craft ; I interrupted them with silly questions , and they all responded amiably , except one . This was an older guy , who rowed up and unpacked a skiff , carrying rods and buckets and other bits and pieces away to his car . ' Been out fishing ? ' I asked . ' Nope , ' he said , and that was the end of the interview . He was the exception though . Most men love to tell you what they 're up to on Gale 's Hill . I didn 't meet any women there . The assignment I 'm working on , a 30 minute script , based on observational research into a place , is designed to help us screenwriting students get to grips with arena . I had heard about arena from Lucy Vee ( a graduate of the Bournemouth screenwriting program ) , but I didn 't quite know what it meant . Arena means using your setting as a character in its own right . Snoopy understood the importance of arena , when he began his novel , ' It was a dark and stormy night . ' That 's an angry , dangerous arena to get mixed up with . Billy Crystal 's character in Throw Mama From the Train was also struggling with arena , when he was tyring to describe a ' warm , moist ' night . The Watch - list the tutors provided includes films such as : Miller 's Crossing ( Coen ) I 'm Not Scared ( Salvatores ) Psycho ( Hitchcock ) Red Road ( Arnold ) TsPosted by I 've got a week or so before the phone tutorial on the 20 minute voice - over script . That gives me time to start the research on Unit 2 : the 30 minute research - based thing . I like this one . You have to make observations on a place , and then use them to write a story . I 'm going to go into it with an open mind , and just see where my notes take me . The point of this assignment is to get you writing from life , developing your point of view , not writing something that reads like you saw it on TV . So , this week , I 'll be hanging around Teignmouth Harbour with a notebook and a flask . If weather demands it , I 'll don an anorak . Oh , oh , I know . I 'm going to be a life - spotter . Had a read through the 20 minute assignment . As usual , I found lots to cut , but was basically happy with it . It 's about a guy who goes to a beautiful cove to scatter his wife 's ashes , but they 're sealed in a tough plastic packet , and he tries all these stupid ways of getting it open . Might sound like I 'm trying to be funny , but it 's pathos , really . Maybe a little sad - funny in places . So , after an hour or so 's reading and chopping , I had a tinkle at the piano , to express a little writer 's joy . With a sad song , of course . I had a go at Ben Harper 's Walk Away , which sort of expresses the emotion I was after with the story , especially the lines , ' They say , time will make this go away , But it 's time that 's taken my tomorrowsAnd turned them into yesterdays . . . ' Last June , I entered the BBC Sharps competition . My entry made the second round , and WritersRoom kindly sent some feedback . Frustratingly , it was all positive . I was like , ' Well , if you liked it so much , why didn 't you put me through ? ' The answer 's obvious , of course . They liked other scripts better than mine . Anyway , Red Planet is looming , so I 'm going to rewrite the Sharps entry for that . I think it can stretch to 60 minutes , and improve and mature in the process . In any case , I have a pretty killer first ten pages , good enough to get through Red Planet ? I think so . But then , it 's not up to me . Whatever . Red Planet is free to enter , so silly not to , with the fabulous prize they have on offer . Apologies first . I 'm sorry about the title of this blog . It sounded cool at the time I thought of it . Apologies especially to Paul Campbell . I realise I must have done a bit of a ' My Sweet Lord ' with his blog title , Scriptuality . I gave up blogging for a while . Just got tired of it . Now I 'm tired of not blogging . Well , to be honest , my friends are tired of me not blogging . I don 't know if any of you have noticed this , but civilians smile and nod politely whenever we writers - wannabe start going on about our latest script . What this means is , ' Shut up ! Shut up ! Oh please God make him shut up before I die . ' So , if you have already started to smile and nod , click away now , because I 'm going to go on about my scripts . I 'm just tidying up my 20 minute assignment for the MA Screenwriting course at Bournemouth Uni . Yeah . An MA . In screenwriting . Is that a cry for help , or what ? I had to write a 20 minute script , with voice - over , no dialogue . I have hated being deprived of dialogue . Every time I thought up a cool story , I 'd have to reject it as unworkable without dialogue . I 've written four different scripts , and am now totally away from the outline I submitted at the end of July . Hope that 's okay . Don 't get me wrong . I understand their reasons for giving this assignment . It makes you think in visuals , and develop your ability to write in a character 's voice . It 's just that , well , I like writing dialogue . When I was a kid , I liked to draw monsters . The fun bit was putting in the teeth and claws and blood and fire and destruction . Writing with no dialogue is like drawing monsters without all that . TTFN .
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I posted every day for 30 days ! Are you proud of me ? ? I 've had fun , but I have to admit that it 's incredibly hard to keep it up . I feel like out of the 30 posts , I only had a handful of really good ones . With the others , I feel like maybe I was just wasting some cyber - space . I probably won 't take the NaBloPoMo challenge again , but it was fun . The best part was getting comments and emails from you all . It 's always fun to see who reads my ramblings . The next few days , I 'll probably be taking a break from blogging … unless something big happens on the baby front . When I 'm back , I promise to get pictures up of the gingerbread house we made with my mom , and I hope to have the " outtakes " from our Christmas card photo shoot . With today being the first day of Advent and tomorrow being the first day of December , my hope for you all this Christmas season is that you may be able to enjoy the season and all the many opportunities it offers , but also to slow down and enjoy it the little moments , and the real " reason for the season " . One of my favorite quotes comes to mind this time of year : " Enjoy the little things , for one day you may look back and realize they were big things . " Especially for Christmas . I love buying gifts . I love trying to figure out what to buy for each person , trying to find the best value , buying it at the store or having it brought to my door ( Thanks , amazon . com ! ) , wrapping it , and giving it . I love the whole thing … I think it may be hereditary . My mom loves it , as did my Mama Jo ( my dad 's mom ) . She was the master shopper . I promise that you never met someone who shopped like she did . Once she got an idea in her head about what she wanted to give someone , there was NOTHING that could get in her way ( and this was pre - internet days ) . She would call 100 stores all over the world if that 's what it took . She even had people at certain stores who knew her specifically ; she 'd call them and put them on the chase as well . And , after a certain point , money wasn 't an issue . For her , I think , it was all about the pursuit of happiness for her at this point . She wasn 't happy until she had that oh - so - elusive item in hand . I hate to admit that I 'm the same way . The harder it is for me to find a specific gift I have in mind , the more fun it is . She was like that her whole life , or at least the part of it I was around to witness . Towards the end , though , she wasn 't able to go like she wanted to . She couldn 't drive to all the stores , walking was hard , her stamina was diminished . So I got the lucky , lucky job of being her personal shopper ! Once I was old enough to drive , she 'd get me to drive her " to town " and search for the elusive item . And once I moved away to go to college , I don 't know if there could have been a more perfect scenario . I had a credit card under her account . She would call me and give me all the details of what I was looking for , and I was off . Search the stores , search online , drive wherever the chase would lead me … all on her dime . She was happy because she got what she wanted , and I was happy because I was doing something I loved to do and not spending a cent of my own money . And … I also got to wrap all of her gifts , too . I 'm telling you , folks , I love the whole thing from start to finish . Wanna wrap this ? Heck yeah ! When I was younger , she taught both myself and my brother how to wrap gifts well . We would hole up in her bedroom , pull all the gifts out , and wrap and wrap and wrap ( she bought a lot ) . Some of my favorite memories of my Mama Jo are from Christmas time … but it 's not the gifts I remember most ( although there were some great gifts ) , it 's the buying and the wrapping and the time we spent together . I miss that . Our tree is up and the lights are now on it , but still no ornaments . It 's kinda beautiful with just the white lights . The only problem : I think I may be allergic to it . I 've sneezed and wheezed and blown my nose until it 's raw . Tucker has , too . So I 'm hoping it 's something else in the air and not the tree … because I love live trees and I 'd hate to have to give that up . We had a great , lazy day today . My mom and dad kept the kids again last night ( have I mentioned how much I LOVE living close to them again ? ? ? ) , and I was able to sleep late this morning AND read in bed . What a treat ! After I got up and dressed , I went over to my parent 's house and we made a gingerbread house , which the kids thought was really cool . I do have pictures , but I haven 't downloaded them off my camera yet . I 'll try to do that tomorrow so that you all can see our work of art ! After that , we lounged around the rest of the afternoon . We were even able to play outside for a while because a ) it wasn 't cold and b ) it wasn 't raining like it was supposed to be ! Anyway , I 'm off to end my day the perfect way : Snuggling with my sweeties while they finish watching the classic Rudolph movie . Since it 's supposed to be raining here the next three days , I talked everybody into going to the tree farm this afternoon . Tucker found a tree of his own that he wanted , and Emmie helped us pick the big tree for the living room . They 're both up and in water , but completely void of any decorations . I hope that we can do that tomorrow ! I LOVE getting ready for Christmas ! ! Anyway , here are the pictures from our tree farm trip . A few years back I saw an idea in a magazine that I liked . I can 't remember what magazine it was , but I remembered the basics . You make a tree out of boring old brown paper , and put it up on your wall . Then you cut out leaves to affix to the tree , and on each leaf you write something for which you are thankful . At the end of the day , it 's fun to go back and see what everyone else wrote . I didn 't do this earlier because the kids weren 't old enough to really get into it , but I thought they would be this year . Well , my paper - tree - making skills aren 't as super - awesome as the paid artist at the magazine , and I didn 't really want to put tape up on my new walls . So , I did the best I could to make a tree and put it on the pantry doors ( you see it right as you come in the back door ) . It 's already beginning to fall with the added weight of all the leaves , but the kids had fun coming up with things they loved or are thankful for … and they really loved taping stuff on the " wall " . Here 's a view of our " Thankful Tree " . On the base , there are all the names of our family members ( immediate and extended , including # 3A ) and our pets . They are , after all , the main thing we are thankful for this time of year . We have been busy little bees the last few days . Keep an eye on the site for lots of pictures , because our frenzied flight will be going on a few more days . My friend Jennifer came over last night and helped us make Christmas cookies , and late last night Marshall 's brother Teddy came into town . He had to leave this morning , though . 🙁 The kids love Uncle Teddy ! ( And we do , too ! ) Then my parents and grandparents came over for lunch today . Unfortunately , the only thing we have pictures of from all of that is the cookie making . This was the first time they 'd ever done cookie cutouts ( instead of the kind of cookies you roll in to balls ) , and we 'll probably never go back ! They LOVED it ! ! Emmie especially loved " patting " the flour ( read : making a mess ) . Tags : Christmas , cookies , NaBloPoMo One Year Ago Today A year ago today I sat in my OB 's office as arrangements were made for a D & C . I 'd seen them done before , and I knew the drill from the medical perspective . Very little was said because I already understood the process logically . And there are no words to express the process emotionally . A year ago today I went down to pre - op alone so that Marshall could go home and gather the things that I would be needing . I was both tormented and relieved to be alone . I wanted to be held , but I also wanted time to process it all . And now today I am 34 weeks into a new pregnancy . It 's been a hard one , but everytime I complain I remember the pain of not being pregnant this time last year . And my heart hurts for those who have had multiple miscarriages or who have wanted , but never been able to feel the kick of life inside their womb . And these days I still often think about Elijah Ellison Ivey and who he would have been , could have been . He would be about six months old by now - squealing , smiling , kicking . And I am sad that I will never know him like I know my other kids . But I suspect that he 'll always be a part of who I am , who I have become , and who I will be . So … little Eli , I 'll never forget you , and you 'll always be in my heart . I 'm sure I 'll always wonder what it would have been like had things gone differently . And I 'm sure I 'll always miss you . But I won 't be sad beacuse I do believe in God , and I do believe that you are with Him . The Lord bless you and keep you , and make His face shine upon you … and give you peace ( from Numbers 6 ) . It 's 11pm , and poor Marshall still isn 't home . The kids went to bed without seeing Daddy . There were several things I 'd hoped he could help me with once he got home . I 'm sure Marshall would have liked to have some dinner by now , too . But it 's not those things that hit me the hardest on a day like today . He 's late because someone has a sick baby . They came in for what should have been a " regular " delivery . But once the baby was born , ( s ) he ended up not doing so well . Marshall did what he could to stabilize the baby and then called for transport to a near - by NICU . I hate these kinds of days ( and nights ) because although I know my husband is a very capable pediatrician , there is only so much medicine can do . And I hate these kinds of days because this family should be celebrating the birth of a baby , and are instead probably scared shitless about what lies ahead . I hate these kinds of days because it reminds me that even when everything looks " normal " , there 's always a chance for a trainwreck . There 's always the chance that something could go wrong . But these kinds of days also remind me that I shouldn 't complain about the minor things that went wrong today ; I should celebrate all the things that went right . I was a nanny for a long time before I actually had kids of my own , so I don 't quite relate to some of these . I was careful and cautious with other people 's kids , but by the time my own came around , well … I never took a birthing class or practiced breathing . I signed up for the epidural the moment I walked in the door . I let my kids " cry it out " more than I probably should have . As a matter of fact there were plenty of times I would make sure they were safe … and either get in the shower or go outside for a few minutes . I got really bad about remembering to change diapers until I 'd notice that they were sagging , had soaked through , or had exploded and left " pee crystals " all over the place . I 've scared more than one teenage babysitter by saying , " Don 't call me unless someone is dead or dying . " I 've sacred more than one other parent by telling them who I had lined up to babysit . ( You 're going to let fill - in - the - blank keep your kids ? ? ? ? ) BUT one thing that I 've always been pretty good about is making sure that the nursery is ready . With my first , it was painted and decorated , ready and waiting months in advance . With Emerson things were even easier to get ready . Since she was going to be sharing a room with her " big " brother ( only 19 months old at the time ) , there wasn 't a whole lot we had to do other than move Tucker over to the " big bed " . Luckliy there was no " big bed " trauma like so many of my friends have experienced . As you can see , the nursery is full of boxes . The crib is full of Christmas presents . There is no shower curtain in the bathroom . I 've not hung a single picture or any drapes . I haven 't even bought drapes or wall decor ! I do have an excuse or two , though : we have moved twice in a matter of months , I 've been sicker longer and more often , my " big kids " are at a point where you can 't trust them alone for more than 10 minutes , I 'm supposed to be " taking it a little easy " because of my blood pressure , and I 'm just plain tired . Oh , well … # 3A won 't know what boxes are , or even actually be able to see them very well . ( S ) he will need the crib cleaned out , but even if that doesn 't happen then ( s ) he can sleep in the car seat if need be for a night or two . I 'm pretty sure that ( s ) he won 't be taking showers very soon , so the shower curtain shouldn 't be an issue either . I do however need to actually find the carseat . And it 'd probably be a good idea to buy at least one pack of diapers . I don 't think Emmie 's size 5 's will be very useful . I haven 't bought any new clothes , but I should probably wash the few unisex things I have … they have , after all , been packed up for 2 years . I kind of can 't believe that I 'm already a little over 34 weeks . Since I 've never made it past 38 weeks , that means little # 3A could be ( and hopefully will be ) here in less than a month . I really must look for that carseat tomorrow ! We had a special community service tonight at my church . I always love these because there are people representing all the little churches in my little town . It 's exciting to me to share our worship style with others , and especially to get a glimpse into the worship styles of others . I 'm a liturgy girl . I love it . I love to sing hymns from an actual hymnbook . I love to recite creeds . I love responsive readings and group prayers . But I know that not every one does . And that 's ok . I don 't want to worship like that every time , either . Getting a glimpse into the " average " worship styles of other groups is refreshing to me . Choirs swaying and clapping . A preacher who moves so much that the microphone keeps falling off . " Amen " and " Yes , Lord " being lifted up as the spirit moves . It 's exciting ! Tonight I felt like I was inside that movie The Fighting Temptations ( which is a good movie with an even better sound track ) . Anyway , after church we stopped by my mom 's house . I found out that she was off work all this coming week ! ( Woo - hoo ! ! ! ) I have a doctor 's appointment set for tomorrow morning . I try to always get my appointments set for Monday or Wednesday mornings so that I can go while the kids are at " school " . Well , somehow it got past me ( and my pregnancy - brain ) that the kids don 't have school tomorrow . I was trying to figure out what to do with them when it dawned on me that ( if she didn 't mind ) , my mom could keep the kiddos ! I asked , she said " of course " . And I decided to press my luck with " Well , they 're already here and it 's already bed time . They could just spend the night , you know ? She took the bait , and I 'm at home in a quiet house . And tomorrow morning will be a quiet morning ! I can 't explain how excited I am about that ! I know that I 've complained constantly during this pregnancy , but it 's still mornings that are the worst . I still feel pretty crappy most mornings . I still have nausea and vomitting . And with the cold I 've had all week , it 's just been worse . So … Mama , if you 're reading this , Thank you ! I love you , and you 're a saint !
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Posted on August 31 , 2011 by lovelylinda 2 The color blue has been a presence in my world these past months . Most of my recent clothing purchases have been a lovely aqua or robin 's egg blue , which was my favorite color as a child . Interesting how I am coming back to that now . I had two big blue experiences in Shasta , besides the blue blue water of the lakes . One morning I awoke from a dream where I had been at a naming ceremony . I was gifted with a new name . It was a very formal event attended by many . I was wearing my blue starry crown that I had been given , along with my sisters in Santa Fe , by the Divine Mother . A lovely deep violet blue cloak was put on me and I had my sword sheathed at my hip . I had a beautiful gown ( I love the costumes we will get to wear again ! ) and I stood in my beauty . I was asked if I was willing to accept my new name with all the gifts and powers that it signified . Was I ready to fully step into myself ? It was a humbling , reverent and joyous occasion . I did accept my new name and all that it represented . I recall the sense of celebration and joy . As I awoke in my tent , I was repeating the name , not sure of the middle name . It was Blue Star Lotus . When I told my elder son , he laughed and said , " Now you will fit right in with the Shasta crowd , Mom ! " I do believe that we are all bringing in more of our true selves and have many names on the various dimensions where we reside as well as earning new ones as we evolve . Another heart by Mother Nature , I am taking them all as signs of her love to me and to us ! My other experience is of a blue file box . I did another level of sorting with my few remaining boxes in Sacramento . All of my papers from our four drawer file cabinet had been reduced at the time of the divorce , into a plastic file box . I had not opened it in ages . I did not get to sorting through it before I left so I had brought it along , intending to get to it in the woods . One afternoon , I was suddenly in the mood to deal with it . I began to sort and toss papers into the nearby fire pit . I had no idea that I was to sort through years of emotions . There were my teaching credentials from NY State , Montana and California , records of my earnings over the years , records of things with the kids , letters of recommendations from parents of my tutoring students when I was homeschooling and applying for my first job in years , divorce papers , a few old letters , some writings I had saved , the rental agreement from my first apartment after the divorce , the car title changed from a couple to me … on and on . I sat and felt waves of emotion . It was like opening Pandora 's box ! My friend called to tell me when she would be back and then the tears came . Somehow they came more easily when relating the story to someone . She helped me to process it and let it move through me . My mind was fixing on plans , trying to get away from the well of emotion . Ok , breathe . I gathered sticks and a match and began the fire . It took a very long time to burn through all the layers of papers . It was a beautiful fire that kept me company for a couple of hours or more . I was so glad that I had done it this way as I was witness to so much pain and grief , being transformed into coals that sparkled like jewels . The red hot heat of the fire and coals was a thing of beauty . I had to keep moving my chair as the wind sent the smoke my way . I finally surrendered as I realized that the fire was asking to smudge me . To purify me , to aid in the releasing . Again , the elementals , helping me . Blue box , blue star …… I accept the beauty of both . Posted on August 31 , 2011 by lovelylinda Reply I did not walk six miles that day … walked about a mile or two and then saw an enticing spot to swim . There was a steep bank and I inadvertently descended on my butt and slid to the water 's edge ! The water felt great after my rather dramatic approach . I floated on my back until my ears got too cold . It felt so magical ; cold water , big powerful mountain , sunshine , trees . Heaven . When I rested on the shore , I watched two ducks swimming by . I watched the male leading and the female swimming along behind . And a new thought came : the male was activating the " thrust " into the world , opening the way . The female was flowing with the opening , allowing her feminine nature to move gracefully along . I felt such deep resonance with this as of late , my thrusting into the world energy has deserted me . My feminine is ready for a male to take the lead and move first into the world , allowing my feminine to be sheltered so as to flow freely . This feels so different from the way I always saw it before . . the female docilely following along . We were taught to rebel against that image yet I did just that for much of my life , allowing my partner to call the tune that I stepped to . I would not have said that was what I did , but in hindsight , I was constantly taking my cues from his emotional state and adjusting my behavior accordingly . Nature is speaking to me in new ways . Or perhaps , I am tuning into her messages these days . New eyes , new thoughts , new ways of moving in the world . In Tom Kenyon 's and Judi Sion 's Mary Magdalene book : The Magdalen Manuscript : The Alchemies of Horus & the Sex Magic of Isis Mary talks about how the woman can not truly let down and open herself until she feels totally safe and protected by the male . The males job is to provide that sense of safety and cherishment for the female . I am so ready for this as I have not experienced it in this lifetime . I ran the masculine energies predominately but now my feminine is crying out for this balance . I caught a sense of the beauty of it as the ducks shared their message with me . I love finding heart rocks and this was a heart image formed in the rock ! Mother Nature saying , " I love you ! " And I love her so . I have noticed so many trees beginning to turn color already , fall is in the air . I commented on this to a friend as we were discussing the discomfort in our calves and feet as we are being more fully grounded to our mother . She shared the calf issue ( don 't you love when others are having similar symptoms , somehow it makes it feel better ) and also her dialogue with the elementals . She said that they are so excited about all the changes coming , that they are hurrying the seasons . They want to share in our joy as we move into this new energy and world . I felt the rightness of that go through me , yes , they are so excited ! As are the angelic realms and as am I ! Sitting in this beautiful campground in Mount Shasta . Birds are softly calling to one another . Sun is streaming down through the pines trees to meet the campfire smoke rising to create a beautiful ethereal light . Feeling deep peace after a night of sleep where I awoke a few times feeling so happy ! No specific memories , rather the feeling of sweet joy . I am here with a friend though she is taking a workshop that lasts from 10 till 10 at night so I have plenty of time alone . Last night I made a fire and watched feelings of loneliness arise in me . I haven 't felt that in quite some time . I texted a friend in Montana who was at a sundance event so outdoors also . We spent the next couple of hours texting rather than talking on the phone . First time that I had done that as it seems so silly but it was fun . The slower pace , the staring into the flames , the stars common on both ends . He tends to play the clown so he made me laugh . The texting also allowed some deeper things to be said that fed my heart . The fire responded to my words of gratitude by throwing up deep green flames . A bit of magic and a reminder that everything wants to be acknowledged and wants to give to us . We too are made to give love and we respond to acknowledgment and appreciation . It is the natural state , giving and receiving love . Just spoke to a friend who is also feeling a sense of joy high up in her chest . I am believing that everyone is being affected by the rays of love that are raining down on us . I feel this frizzer ( is that a word ? ) of excitement , quiet but strong , running through me . I have not felt that in a long time . A sense that blessings are coming for all as we move more fully into the new way of being . One of my sons is currently visiting a transcendental meditation community in Iowa . He was remarking how the old way was to say , " Meditate for 20 minutes twice a day and your life will be good . " He was observing how many highly conscious folks were still creating separation in their lives and consequently in their worlds . We have been taught to take care of our minds , our bodies and our spirits , that balance is key . Yet we still go about each thing with a sense of separation . Almost like a checklist : did my meditation , did my work out , off to the office … and the day runs on . The mindfulness stays on the meditation cushion or the yoga mat and does not enter in when we are cooking or shopping or doing any other task . I have always sensed that we were living our lives backwards , that there was to be a flow . That your physical exercise is meant to be a part of your living , that meditation is a state of being , not an activity . I do not formally meditate . There is a rebelliousness in me that does not like structure after so many years of living such a highly structured life . I can get lost in watching the breeze move a leaf or as I type this blog post . I was looking at some old journals and I had lists and lists : I will get up at 5 am and do my decrees , followed by exercise and then ten other things . On and on , I declared a day successful by what I had accomplished . I was a robot completing chores just as our mental programming dictates . I was such a good little slave ! ! And frequently I felt that I was not hitting the mark . I could get up earlier , work harder , keep the plates juggling in the air just a bit longer . Yikes ! I felIn this new world that we are shifting into , the old programming is dropping away . We realize that we are of value for our beingness . There is nothing to do , no activity or endeavor that gives us value . We are inherently of value as our essence vibrates its signature out into the world . We can enhance that vibration , chose to bring it up or down , but to the Creator , our value does not change . I might assign more value to the tree that is shading me than one that has no leaves yet each is contributing its note to the whole . So we act from joy , from what makes our hearts sing . As more of us bring that energy into each moment of our days , we enter into unity consciousness . As we chose to continue viewing and living our lives from a place of separation , we uphold that in the world . We have to realize that each action in our personal world , creates the larger world that we are living in . Every moment is sacred . Sounds almost trite but it is true . It is a practice to stay in a mindful awareness at all times . We flow in and out but by setting our intention as we put on our shoes : " Today I will walk each step in joy , each step I dedicate to anchoring peace on this earth . " Or drink our water with the thought , " This water is feeding my essence , I am drinking liquid light . " There are opportunities all day long to come back to center and allow our actions to serve on more than one level . Our intention makes it so . How easy is that ? What a gift ! Intention and attention … . . flow . We can jump into the river of life and allow its current to take us . Our higher self has the plan well in hand . I affirm each morning my intention to align with my divine plan and the divine plan of Mother Earth . I do not know what that looks like . I trust that all that comes is taking me closer . My towels , on the clothesline these dear trees are holding for me , are wafting on the breeze , my body is wanting to walk . There is a lovely 6 mile walk around the lake that is calling me . I haven 't walked that far in awhile , I wonder how far I will go . I release any agenda , I know only that I want to walk . I intend harmony with the beauty around me . I am off . Posted on August 24 , 2011 by lovelylinda Reply Gotta love the turkeys ! 7 little babies following mom . I haven 't seen babies like this before so it was a special treat . I wanted to be one of the chicks , following mama , trusting her to care for them . And dear mama turkey , trusting to her inner knowing of how to feed and shelter her brood . Makes me think of our mother earth and how she has feed and sheltered us . How I can trust her to move through these times as she follows her instincts . I am coming back to a state of appreciation and joy with this beautiful world of ours . Spending a few days in Sacramento , which is where I raised the kids . I have some dear friends here that I love to spend time with but the energy of this place has never felt supportive to me . I feel flat here . It has been interesting as I had a vision of a net pulling all remaining ties , sorrows , wounds from my time here with my wasband , up and away from me . Yes , finally all the ties letting go . So as I sort through the last of my belongings , obsessing over what to fill my trunk with once again , I see that I am being gifted with so much more than letting go of the material things remaining . I know that I am lighter in that department than most folks yet I feel the heaviness of things . It is as if I no longer understand the way we operate . I am being shown that it is much more than having less things that is taking place . We are being asked to let go of certainty of any kind . We have been getting those lessons for awhile now . Now we are being shown a new way to be in the world . There is no planning , no setting a goal and pushing towards it . No more push , no striving . We are being asked to show up with hearts full of joy and appreciation and watch as the universe lines up with that to gift us . The gifts can be so much more than we had imagined . I find it so interesting ! And exciting , and a bit unnerving also ! It takes some practice and it feels odd . I had thought that I was moving to Orcas Island and saw 6 months in my mind . Now it feels that I aEarthquakes yesterday on the east coast , very mild ones here in California . I woke yesterday morning from a dream where I was in a disaster scenerio and I knew that I was to quell the fear and panic by teaching folks to go into their hearts . I was showing them that they could float on their backs in the cosmos . Arms outstretched , floating in space , stars lighting up the darkness but being held in the love of the Creator . Ummmmm , so peaceful and lovely . I knew that I could entrain their hearts to mine if I was centered in my own heart . I knew that I had prepared for this and this was my work . Afterwards , I felt nauseous , received a call to join a conference call as an earthquake had happened . A group of us came together to call forth galactic , angelic and inner earth forces to assist us to assist the earth . A great deal of energy was moving and then we felt it settle and quiet . Today I awoke feeling light and joyful . Now as evening settles in , I am tingling all over my body and feeling the energies arise again . Feeling layers of fear move through me , not my own but planetary . Holding to my heart . Tom Kenyon sent out a new message today http : / / tomkenyon . com / the - emergence - of - multiple - chaotic - nodes dealing with the challenging times that we are in . I love that the advice is to go into our hearts and feel appreciation . It is so simple . This is what will move us all through these times that appear so challenging . So many hearts are opening every day , we could run news shows that only featured folks describing how their hearts are softening and opening wide . This is the news that we need to be paying attention to ! This was a view as I headed out of San Francisco a few days ago . There are the signs signaling different directions , which lane should I get into ? Where am I headed ? I believe that these questions will become more evident as we are being asked to line up with more of our true essence . To let go of jobs , relationships , places that do not feed our soul . To get in the lane that feels joyful even though you have never taken that route before . To trust that your heart can lead and to accept that all the logic in the world cannot make the decision any longer . Ok , I am changing lanes once again as I line up with who I am in this moment . I am looking for the road that leads to mists and mosses and moisture . I am appreciating everything that surrounds this thought and not looking for the next . Rather sinking in deep to the appreciation of all that surrounds me in this moment . Crickets chirping , ceiling fan whirling , breeze gently coming onto the back of my head through the window . Ahhh , deep sigh . Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged heart openings , letting go , path of joy | Leave a reply Posted on August 18 , 2011 by lovelylinda Reply San Francisco is an interesting place to be in the summer as it feels like winter ! Fog rolls in and over the hill and the breeze makes me pull my wool hat down over my ears . I loved this cloud that looked like a tadpole skimming across the sky . I resonate with him , in the process of growing into my new form , floating in space that is neither sea nor sky . We think of tadpoles in water yet here he is floating amongst the clouds . This little guy is showing me the new way , I think that I am here on the earth , living my life when really I am floating in the clouds , trying to grow the legs that will allow me to walk across the bridge to the new . Thinking about feelings and the way we tuck them into our hearts . I was reading something that said that our hearts are meant to be wide open , not closets full of old stuff we did not want to feel . I have been airing out my heart these past few days . Lying on the couch or bed in my daughter 's apartment ( this is why I am not camping right now … I needed a more comfortable perch than a tent in the middle of the day . I love camping but it takes energy and as I was running low , the idea seemed too hard . ) I can look out at the trees ( well only from the bed as the couch looks at the side of the building next door ) and drift from my place of comfort . So I have been taking things out to air . Shame , guilt . . any of that in there ? Today I dozed and then was reading a light " junk food " type of book … . . no real nutrition but just the ticket for the enjoyment factor sometimes , and I looked at the clock and saw that it was just about time to pick my daughter up from work . We had arranged to go and get her car from the garage where it had been serviced . I felt this guilt come over me … " oh no , the dishes from breakfast are still in the sink , my stuff is lying about , I haven 't started dinner . " Wow , a litany of shoulds came crashing down on me . I was the mother but it was as if my daughter would be upset with me . This was a really old pattern from my old life where I felt I had to meet some standard at all times . That my worth as a person was measured by what I had accomplished that day . Yikes ! Ok , so there was guilt . Observe how he wants to speed up my adrenaline , make me move quickly when I am feeling languid and slow . He came and received a good airing and my daughter and I laughed about it as I related how this sense of panic had come over me . I want my heart to be an open vessel that the Creator 's love and energy can move through at will . That is my deepest desire . I feel that my body recently told me to stop and rest so that this housecleaning can take place . I have done most of the external housecleaning when I walked away from the house and its stuff a few years ago . This internal heart cleaning is a different story . My mind gets that stuff is just that … . . stuff and that the world has too much stuff . You can always get stuff . I learned this lesson in my early twenties when one of my younger sisters committed suicide . She had been in the military overseas and one day a UPS truck pulled up and deposited a number of boxes of her stuff at my parents ' doorstep . It struck me deeply that that was what was left at the end of your life …… boxes of stuff that someone would have to sort through . A stark lesson . So , the material things have not been something that I cling to though I love beauty and like it around me . Heart cleaning … . . what else is in there . Anger . Hmmm . What does he have to say ? Oh , he wants to talk until he feels heard . Tonight that happened with my daughter , not at her but she asked for my story of a difficult time in my life and the anger came . She listened with such compassion that I felt embraced in love . I was able to embrace my anger and thank him for helping me to move from a tough place . Anger had been a means of survival . For so long I could not even access anger as I felt shame for feeling anger at all . I was able to honor him and then he could transform . This heart cleaning , clearing is an interesting process . There is more to go but I feel lighter already … . like when you clean out a closet or the garage . Once you begin , it can get a bit messy . Actually it does get messier as you get deeper into it . But then the tipping point is reached and you begin to see some clear space around you . I am enjoying that space tonight . A breeze blowing softly through . Calling in the violet flame to transmute the energy released ( a bit like taking stuff to Goodwill , the violet flame transmutes it all into something good ) . Tomorrow is a new day . I want to live it fully feeling everything in my life , not storing anything till a later date . Knowing that this is how our heart was designed . To fully feel all experiences in the moment so that it is open and ready for the next moment . I am loving this heart of mine tonight . I am letting my heart light shine . Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a reply Posted on August 17 , 2011 by lovelylinda Reply These photos are from the Zen center . Aren 't you excited just seeing the brushes ? I loved how the teacher kept these toys for the last day along with the big sheets of watercolor paper . It was the reward after sessions of small brushes and computer paper . You may not be able to tell but my arm is de - lighted as it made that swirl and held the biggest brush in my hand . FUN ! I chose this photo of the circle and that swirling movement as I am feeling a part of intense spiraling energies . Seeing so much stuff coming up and needing time to integrate , drop deep into my heart and allow the energies to flow . I had to cancel plans to leave today to head north . I am simply in need of rest . I have to honor my body and its needs . Breaking old patterns once again to state to myself that I am my highest priority . Emotions rise more quickly to the surface when fatigue is present and can carry me along with them . I know not to resist these days , to allow the flow whether it is anger or sorrow . I prefer to be able to witness rather than be carried along with the tornadoes that have swept through me ! So there has been surrendering . There is so much light coming into the planet and so much density being released . I have felt the deep sorrow and anger of the feminine moving through me the past few days . Wow ! Big energy and it has swallowed me like a river at moments . Cry , sleep , eat . Down to the basics which is what happens when I am going through an expanding period . Not able to write or talk much , simply surrendering to what is . Allowing myself to align as a portal for the energy to move through as well as the divine love and peace to anchor in . We are being asked to let go in a big way as well as hang on through this phase by focusing on peace in our hearts . A friend helped me this morning as I was describing this anger moving in me . He said , " View it as an emotional rash . You have a rash . Stop editorializing the whys of the rash , a rash will run its course . Knowing about it will not do much other than deciding how to deal with the itch . " Now that made me laugh ! Oh , I simply have a rash . So today I am going to take a nap and watch a funny movie as my way of dealing with my itch . This thought totally changed the energy from , " His behavior makes my blood boil ! " to thinking of a rash that needs soothing . Whew …… took the heat right out of it for me and put a smile on my face I love friends aPosted in Uncategorized | Tagged friends , heart leading , swirling energies | Leave a reply Posted on August 15 , 2011 by lovelylinda 2 As a woman who has always been affected emotionally by the moon 's pull , yesterday 's full moon was significant for me . I could feel the pressure building as I completed my long drive . This painting I call solar flares . On top of the energies of the full moon , we have been experiencing the most intense solar flares ever seen . Truly , our sun is assisting mightily in this wake - up call to humanity . There is so much light pouring into our crown chakras , opening us to remembrance of our true nature as star beings . As the light floods in , the denser energies are pushed up and out . Wow , did I experience this ! I found myself sobbing as I drove through the desert . Part of my mind was running a " you are nuts " tape which is a very old program I thought long gone from the line up . My heart was full to bursting with a feeling of expectancy . It felt like the day before each of my babies came . Your body is preparing , you see the signs that the birth is imminent yet it has not happened . You feel a frenetic energy of nesting instincts coupled with an immense fatigue that makes you wonder how you will get through the labor to come . Every cell in my body was ready to embrace and hold my baby . I wanted my baby so much . I want this new earth with a desire that fills every cell to bursting . I am so ready to embrace her , to live on and with her , to be a part of a world where all can live in peace , love , abundance and freedom . The desire is so deep and has been held so long ( eons and eons of time ) and it is now finally approaching . I felt I could not bear the wait . The mind program was running saying : " You made it all up . This is not real . " I called a friend sobbing about how deeply tired I was and how I wanted to find my home . I am so ready to touch down on the earth where I feel that deep resonance . She assured me that it was that moment before the true stepping in . So close , oh , so close is my dream . Oh , to hold it in my arms ! To live it in my days ! To witness its beauty ! Yes , I amon the last night that my two friends and I were together . It was unexpected as one of my friend 's flight was cancelled . So we had the gift of an extra evening . I felt the call for a ceremony at the beautiful womb rock outside the front door . We lit some sweet grass gifted to me from a grandmother in Mount Shasta . We offered our thanks for the time we had shared . And the Mother came through and acknowledged our work , telling us our time with our swords was over . We could let down our warrior selves and embrace our divine feminine fully . She gifted us each with a crown of stars . The crowns lay in the rock cavity and we were told to put them on . It felt beautiful and light on my head . Stars . . imagine ! We are to walk with the knowledge of our beauty in the world and hold our heads high . This may seem like the stuff of fairy tales and I realize how I do want to live in the world of fairies , dragons , angels , nature sprites and wonders . As I drove through the desert and passed Las Vegas with its glitz and glamor , I saw that we are enticed in with castles with flags flying and other fantasy buildings . We want the world of fun and freedom but have been fed such a poor substitute . Our souls yearn for the real deal . I sat at a buffet eating my breakfast ( it was the only choice for food ) and watched the vacant faces eating piles of food but not being fed . I had to pass the casino where the slot machines rang out and felt the hollowness of it all . We want to live in the magic lands that our souls know of . A post from a channel I respect just came out called the Wheel of Fortune speaking to this issue : http : / / consciousco - creationalcoaching . blogspot . com / 2011 / 08 / wheel - of - fortune - turning - point . html It truly is upon us and if we tune in to our hearts , we can feel it . If we listen with our ears and see with our eyes what is being fed to us to incite the fear in our beings …… . it looks like the world is collapsing . We have to come to center , move into our hearts and hold fast to our inner knowing . I have been accused of being a " Pollyanna " , seeing only the bright side of life . As a visionary , it is my work and my gift . And finally , I am seeing it come into fruition . This is the time of claiming our mastery . We are all masters or we would not be on the planet now . We are being tested , the final run through before the party begins in earnest . Can we hold through this last scene and win our badges of honor ? Yes , we can as the human spirit is mighty and we rise to each challenge with our hearts on fire . Crowns of stars are only the beginning . I want the full costume ! Let 's turn our heart lights on and blaze our way through this last night . The last photo was an angel wing that accompanied me through the desert my last night of driving . They are here with us . Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Replies Posted on August 12 , 2011 by lovelylinda 2 Ok , can you see this blue ray coming from the cloud ? I found it fascinating . I was whooping and screaming in my car : " Yes , blue ray masters and angels ! We are here now ! ! ! Archangel Michael , El Morya and all the other blue ray masters and angels were screaming along with me . What a cool sign ! I ask for fun on my long drives , often there is not much . But this was a gift that I celebrated We are being massively rewired , yet again . Fatigue is making my body feel like it is moving through molasses . Fortunately , Maxie is under no such rrestraint and moves like the wind through the many miles of rock and sky . I heard that the earth is recalibrating with her axis changes ( an acquaintance told me her scientist friend in Antarctica was amazed at how evident the shift was there ) . As she changes , we do also . Steve Rother and his group channeled this month about the new sleep patterns . We will sleep for about 3 hours , be awake for 2 or so and then sleep again for 2 or 3 hours . Later in the day , we may need an hour or so of deep sleep . If we moan at being awake at 3am and tell ourselves that we will be exhausted , we will be . But if we see it as our new healthy pattern , then it will be ! Lately I have been experiencing nausea again as dense energies are being released to allow more light in . Truly , so many physical symptoms are our bodies reactions to the upgrades that we will be glad of . I am already glad as I want to be moving right along with my mother earth . Don 't leave me behind ! ! I am coming : ) This picture is from Antelope Canyon in Page , Arizona . It is right on the border of Utah . It was a wonder to see the slot in the earth and descend into it . What beauty ! A friend had recommended that I visit as it felt to her like the heart of the earth . The walls curved around you as you made your way deeper into the canyon . I felt like I was held in her womb . Rocks can be soft and caressing . . who knew ? Sensual and so feminine . The young Navajo guide played his flute for us and the sound in the canyon felt primal and just right . I would like to buy a native flute as it looks like something that I could play with in nature . Another way to sing to her and interact with her energies . I passed a place called , Vermilion cliffs and indeed the red and pink layers were bright and beautiful . I turned to make my way to the Grand Canyon . Once I was at the turnoff and saw that the campgrounds were full , I hesitated . A 90 mile round trip to make the detour with no resting place at the end . I was so tired as I had slept in the back seat of my car the night before . All the hotels were full in Page and the campground was for rvs so just gravel . I did not feel like laying down on it with the street lights shining so I emptied my canvases onto the picnic table and crawled in with my pillow and all the windows open to catch whatever breeze there was . Slept ok but it was a short cramped night . To explore and hike I needed some energy and it had been expanded in the canyon hike that morning . So … . . I left the Grand Canyon for another day when I could be present with all of myself . At times our minds have an agenda but I find that I have to keep checking in to see what is true at the moment . For me , this moment found me cruising across rock and red sands , hitting a bit of Utah and then dropping into the desert of Nevada . Cruising through Las Vegas was a trip . Part of me wanted to get one of their cheap hotel rooms and see the sights but the larger part wanted to get through that energy as quickly as possible . It felt too chaotic to me in my tired state . I began to see mirages on the road ahead and stopped at a lone outpost casino . Zen or Not ? Posted on August 10 , 2011 by lovelylinda Reply That evening we went to the Zen center where our weekend workshop with the calligraphy master awaited . The first night there was a meditation session followed by our practice session with the strokes . The teacher was a master in the way he presented the workshop . The first night was focused on practicing two strokes . It was interesting to witness the feelings of frustration that came up in the group . The master was so still , so calm . He demonstrated the strokes and then he had us come up one by one to sit at his place at the table . He stood behind us and held our hand and moved it through the character . That way we were able to feel the movement of the stroke . I could have used a hundred hand holdings to get the muscle memory but we were gifted with about six opportunities over the weekend . I watched many emotions surface in the zen atmosphere . I rebelled against the silent meals , the gongs and rules . It felt so old to me , I have had so many lifetimes as a contemplative . The dark clothes , the subdued atmosphere did not fit me any longer . Instead of joining everyone in the zendo for meditation with all the bowing and rituals , I laid on a bench outside and delighted in the leaves dancing with the breeze . I faded in and out and that is the type of meditation that works for me . We are at a time where we each have to find what resonates with our hearts . I faced admonishment by a couple of the young residents who are so full of zeal for their path . I was told that I was disrespectful for not joining in the zendo time yet I did join in with the peace of the land . I found myself laughing at their admonishments yet when we were given an hour for meal time , in their hurry to complete their task , the food was whisked from the table as soon as the last person filled their plate . My idea of taking a little bit to taste first and returning for the food that I enjoyed , did not work . It was gone . Within 15 minutes , the plates were cleared from the tables and your hour meal was finished . A resident came by and asked a friend and I to lift our tea cups so that she could wipe the table under the cups . That felt disrespectful to me and funny as there are signs around about sipping your tea slowly with reverence . There seemed to me to be many examples of how the rules ruled and the atmosphere that was intended was lost . The grace of caring for guests and making all feel welcome , did not exist . There were locks on all the doors to the buildings that you needed a key code to open . Yet I had taken the camping option rather than paying the higher price for a shared room . I was shown to a area behind the compound that sloped down to what was once a river bed . There was a public path that ran along the river bed . This area belonged to the zen center but there were no signs delinating the property . There were no level places tI allowed myself to talk and connect with those who I felt a connection with . Met a beautiful woman from New Zealand who has here on holiday , traveling about in her car . Her story was amazing . Channeled AA Micheal to a young man who may end up in community with me . He had been seeking , left his job , took the leap of faith . His story of then being blessed with a big tax return and another source of money that he had not expected were affirming of how the universe will take care of us if we trust it to . I was gifted with two shooting stars when my bladder led me out of my tent in the wee hours of the night . I heard the coyotes and dogs howl . I am happier sleeping on the ground . Mother earth anchors me more deeply that way . I love our mother ! Posted on August 10 , 2011 by lovelylinda 2 This is a painting from the first day , one that I am happy with . I call it Earth Flares . The bottom portion looked like the earth to me ( I did not plan this ) and the flares of energy coming off of her are a brilliant turquoise color . There are golden sparkles ( I love golden sparkles ! ) and it is the energy of love and movement that I feel coming from our mother . What a full week this has been . I left the art workshop each day too tired to blog or do much else besides rest . It was an amazing roller coaster ride of emotion . The first day was fun as it had been so long since I had held a paint brush . I painted two canvases that I felt pleasure in . The second day I hit a wall . I stood in front of the canvas and cried . It brought up some deep emotion that I could not name . A feeling of not being able to create the beauty that I felt inside , a sadness that this was not my life , yet memories of having had lifetimes as a skilled artist were surfacing . A feeling of having had it taken from me and the heart wrenching sorrow that I felt . So many other lifetimes ' memories are surfacing these days in floating feelings , visions , bodily sensations . It was a day of painting and painting over canvases . The third day I awoke simply exhausted . I felt that I could sleep for a week . My friend and I were to go t o the hardware store to buy cans of acrylic paint that would be cheaper than all the tubes we had purchased at the art store . We got lost and what should have taken 15 minutes , took an hour . We finally arrived at the store to find long line of contractors waiting for their paint to be mixed . We were already late for the class so we left . We were in quite a state , agitated . We came into the classroom spouting our anger . I told the instructor that I wanted to learn another technique besides his layering , pouring on sand and glitter and washing off layers . That is what he was doing over and over . It was interesting but I wanted more for my money . I was not going to spend any more money on paint or supplies … it had been too much . Whew … . . the instructor said to use the anger to fuel my painting . Hmmm . It did blow over and as he talked about experimentation being the teacher I realized that he had no more techniques to share . He had an open heart and that was the gift that he offered . I settled down and observed d moved through me . I know that much of the denser emotions are being released from the earth . I accept the anger . The trick is to feel it and then to allow it to move through and to not let it get into the mental loop where it replays itself . I had to remind myself to feel it fully and let it go . Layers and layers are being uncovered as we find that point of inner stillness . I saw that I need to keep my body rested . Fatigue leads to a downward spiral as the emotional body is not supported . Water , not drinking enough in this 7000 foot altitude had its effect . Solitude . I am used to time alone and had not gifted myself with that . I saw that I need it on a daily basis . All of this is needed on a daily basis . I cannot go for a week and then try to " catch up " with rest and alone time . I have followed that pattern for a long time now but it is no longer viable . I need to listen and respond to how my physical , emotional and spiritual bodies are changing . I need to address those changes . The fourth day of class began with a bouquet of flowers to the teacher . That set the joyful tone that resonated throughout the day as I love to give flowers to others . I felt pleased with some of my pieces . I worked for quite a time on a piece that I ended up cleaning my brushes on as I painted it over . I played with it a bit and the teacher felt that it was my best piece … the one that took the least amount of time . Interesting . I saw how I had become good at getting out of my own way as my higher self or Archangel Michael wishes to channel through a message to me or another . I am skilled at listening to that still voice inside and following its guidance . This same skill was needed for my art . To let go of my mental mind with its judgments and notions . To allow my heart to guide my brush across the canvas and see what comes of the process . Abstract art is about the feeling rather than an attempt at representation . It is what I love about it as a certain piece will call out something from inside of me . This piece is one that I created using the teacher 's methods . I call it Violet Flame as it is how I visualize the violet flame surrounding me . The class ended well . My friend found her voice again as an artist . She crossed a threshold that she had passed many times before but now in her sixties , she could truly begin to give herself to her passion . It was joyful to behold the depths of her feelings as she vowed to not abandon her art again . There is such power in making a commitment with oneself . I have vowed not to abandon myself ever again . I am the one that I owe my first allegiance to . There were so many years when I put myself last and gave away my own power . Now I honor myself and this week has shown me new ways to do that . For this , I am grateful . I had the sense on my drive to Santa Fe that there was a ceremony to be done with the two women that I was spending my time . It did not happen and I watched my mental mind process that . Part of me wanted to have my friends " see me " channel . Hmm , interesting . The ego looking for some stroking . I had a talk with Henry ( my ego ) and reminded him that we are in service to Sophia , my I AM presence and need no strokes from outside of ourselves . He sighed and accepted this . The next day was one of rest and rejuvenation in a lovely Japanese bathhouse called 10 , 000 Waves . It is so simply done and so peaceful . We soaked in the hot tub , laid in the sauna and rested under the shade of the trees . There are separate women and men baths so you can be nude without any fear of distorted male energy interfering with your relaxation . It was lovely . I took a nap in a room where you could lay down , don a set of headphones that piped in meditative music and drift off . I especially enjoyed this as I get so sleepy from the hot tubs and crave to stretch out and nap . Bliss ! All for $ 20 which felt like a deal . A great way to release all the emotions that had surfaced this week . I love water ! I read that you can call on the water dragons to help with emotions that you are struggling with . I tried it and am happy to report that the dragons are here to help us , along with all the other kingdoms . I welcome the dragons into my life !
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When we moved into the new house , my mom came to visit and with her , she brought some random odds and ends . One thing she brought with her was a set of new clothes hangers . At first , I thought it was just another item that she was trying to get rid of so she brought it to us , but when she started raving about them I learned that she had bought them specifically for me , because she loved them so . You guys , these hangers ? ARE AWESOME . They are thinner than your standard hanger so your clothes lie flatter and closer together in the closet ( great for maximizing space ) , and they have a velvet covering that actually keep your clothes on the hanger . This is one of the reasons I swear my closet always gets messy ; the clothes fall off and end up on the floor of the closet . So annoying ! But , no more ! These aren 't the exact hangers she bought me ( I couldn 't find them online , as it appears they are distributed though a wholesale business ) , but these are pretty much identical . You can buy them HERE . But , my mom found them at Homegoods and again at Marshalls , so I bet you could find them ( cheaper ! ) there . My dear friend Megan recently became a stay - at - home - mom , but in her spare time has been working with Hurraw ! , a lip balm company . She was raving about them , and then because she 's so sweet , she sent me some as a gift . I love them ! Hurraw ! has a great philosophy : " All natural , vegan , raw premium fair - trade ingredients , super smooth , not draggy , not sticky , not sweet , not too glossy , not too smelly , never grainy , long - lasting , no melting in a back jean pocket . " Hurraw ! Learn all about them HERE . From my limited time using them , I would say they are right on the money with their claims . And with 18 varieties to choose from , there is one for every taste . Megan , knowing me so well , included the Chai Spice and it is FABULOUS , and I also really enjoy the lightly tinted Black Cherry . Most balms cost $ 3 . 79 , which is a great deal . If you were a Bonne Bell Lip Smacker fan back in the day , you will love these - because they are worlds better both in ingredients and taste , while still being whimsical . The Women 's Perfect V - Neck Tee from Old Navy is just that - perfect ! Lightweight , flattering , and just the right amount of stretch : not so much that it sticks to things you 'd rather it didn 't , but not too little that it flops around on you . Currently available in seven neutral color , it 's a great basic to have in your wardrobe . Paired with skinny jeans , a cardigan and ballet flats and you have a perfectly easy on - the - go outfit . I just bought two the other day , but at only $ 8 . 50 a pop , I might go back for more . September 29 , 2011 in at home , food , Randomness | 9 comments - So , we moved ! Two weeks ago ! The actual move itself was as chaotic as you would imagine when closing on two houses in one day . We were up past midnight the night before packing up the truck , were up before 5 a . m . the next day to finish up , clean and officially leave , sat through two closings , signed our lives away , and became second - time homeowners . ( Well , really first - time for me , since Michael bought the first house before we were married . ) We were rushing to get everything out before the 9 a . m . closing , so I didn 't have much time to sit and reflect on leaving the old house . It was probably better that way . I did cry once , though . As I did our final walk - through , I told Owen to say " Bye , bye , room ! " He waved and said , " Bah , bah , oom ! " and I got weepy . But ! The new house is everything we wanted and more . We were hesitant about it at first , but are so glad we made this decision . From the quiet cul de sac to the hardwood floors to the closets … oh ! The closets . And my favorite feature , a laundry room . ( You may remember that in our old house built in 1900 , to access the laundry you had to first go outside , then through a bulkhead to walk down steep stone steps into the basement . That was awesome in times of rain . And snow . ) From our first day here it has felt like home , and I think that says it all . I plan on doing some before and after photos as we make updates and decorate , so that should be fun . - In an attempt to get even more vegetables into Owen , I 've been making green smoothies . I make a big one and we share it . He loves it , I love it , and they 're so good for you . Basically , it 's any type of milk ( regular , soy , almond ) , any type of fruit , and a handful of spinach . I SWEAR , you cannot taste the spinach . At all . It just makes the smoothie green . But the health benefits are super high I feel good about him drinking it . Today 's was milk , half a banana , some mango and a handful of spinach . Delish ! - I 'm disappointed with that new show Up All Night . I wanted to like it so badly ! It 's about new parents ! And they don 't get any sleep ! And hey , I get that ! Great show concept ! Only , it 's not as funny as I thought it would be . And as much as I like Maya Rudolph , I feel like all she does is sing in an annoying voice . So … there 's that . Luckily , The Good Wife came back with much awesomeness , as did Glee . - We left behind in the old neighborhood a … colorful … neighbor . She deserves her own post , but if you didn 't see it back when I posted it to Twitter a few weeks ago , here is what she put in her yard the day after the hurricane . And yes , the doll is more than three feet tall . With an American flag . In a flower pot . It 's time for your quarterly newsletter already . How is that possible ? I swear , we were just celebrating your first birthday . The time since my last letter to you has brought such change - you are no longer a baby , that 's for sure . You are a toddler , and an active one at that . You took your first steps about a month ago , but still aren 't full - blown walking . You totally could , though . You just don 't want to . If we barely hold onto your finger , you are walking all over the place ( and telling us you are , " Wak , wak , wak ! " ) , but the minute we let go you stand for a moment , then lower yourself back to the ground . I 'm not discouraged by this , because I have learned that you do things at your own pace and then once you do them , you take off like a rocket . For now , we continue to watch you crawl around , pull yourself up onto and climb over everything like a monkey , and " wak , wak " when you feel like it . Your walking might not be off the charts right now , but your talking is . You have so much to say ! Every day you 've found a new word , and if you haven 't completely learned it yet , you at the very least repeat what we say with shocking accuracy . Yesterday you walked around the yard with me and pointed out all the pretty " fow - ers " You also know all your " people " now , and sometimes like to list them off for no reason . " Mama . Dada . Dog . Nah Nah ( that 's your auntie ) , Mema , Gaaah pa , Gaaaam ma , Oma … Dog . " You like the end with Dog . I think one of my favorite things you say is cheese - " chzzzz " . You enjoy saying it and always laugh . Speaking of laughing , oh baby , you are such a happy kid ! Strangers always remark on your infectious smile and outgoing personality . I joke that it 's a good thing you weren 't born to shy parents , because you force us to talk to so many people each day . Everywhere you go you make friends , young and old . You say hiiiii and blow kisses at the speed of light , one right after the other . " Mwah , mwha , mwhamwhamwhamwhamwha ! " As you come into your own , you 've become very demanding . You want your milk cup AND your water cup on the high chair . You want to eat your oatmeal with a spoon , not have it fed to you . You want bread " breaaaaah " at every meal . You about a week away from becoming a loaf yourself . You use your words pretty well to tell us what you want , but if you can 't , you point at " THAT ! " , or resort to screeching until we figure out what you need . The screeching ? Mama does not like the screeching . Apparently this is common for around this age ? I don 't care , knock it off , ok ? You do enjoy so much now . You love to go to the playground and swing or walk by the river . You love to go shopping and ride in the cart . You love walks in your stroller around the neighborhood or by the beach . You love the ocean . You love your blocks and your books and riding on your tractor . You still love Elmo . And kid , you LOVE your Dada . You may still be a Mama 's boy , but the minute you see your father you shriek with happiness and delight . In the morning , you crawl down the hallway to find him , calling " Daaaada ! DADA ! " And Owen , I can 't tell you how happy that makes him . You sleep through the night now . Like , really sleep through the night . Thank you ! Naps have been tricky lately as you transition from two to one , but over the last few days I 've taken the advice of other moms and pushed your morning nap closer to lunch . It seems to be slowly doing the trick , and I hope in another few weeks you will be back to napping normally . You are completely night weaned , and now nurse only about twice a day - once before nap and again before bed . It 's a comfort thing for you that you 're just not ready to let go of completely , and that 's ok . For the sake of keeping record , I 'm guessing you weightabout 25 - 26 lbs ( you were 24 at your one - year visit ) and are about 32 inches tall . Your hair is golden blond and your eyes , while darker , are still hazel . You have a ton of teeth , maybe 10 ? It 's hard to keep track . You 're still working on your molars , though . September 23 , 2011 in at home , motherhood | 12 comments Sometimes being a stay - at - home - mom sucks . There . I said it . I didn 't have an illusions about this job . I knew that it would come with challenges . Most of the time the challenges aren 't so bad . My day with Owen is usually fairly easy , happy and fun . But every now and then he throws me a curve ball and it takes all I have not to run for the hills . As per usual , Owen 's biggest challenge is sleep . It 's one area he just never gave to me easy . First he never slept , then he sort of slept , and while he finally made it to sleeping ALL the way through the night , he 's decided that it 's time to screw with naps . The rational part of me knows this is a developmental stage that will pass just like the rest of them , but when I 'm IN the stage - deep in the trenches covered in mud - it 's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel . Lately , he is sloooowly working from two naps down to one . I 've read this could take a while ( fantastic ) , as for some time , two naps are too much , but one isn 't enough . He really needs to get to one solid nap in the middle of the day , but we 're not there yet . So basically , he 's exhausted by 10 and will nap , but when he 's tired again around 2 , he fights me for an hour , screaming and crying whether I 'm holding him , rocking him , or if I just put him in his crib and walk away . After no afternoon nap , he 's a PIA the rest of the afternoon , often crashing by 4 and leaving me ragged . He 's been going to bed at night early , let me tell you . Typical for this age ? Yup . Will take some time to get to where he needs to be ? Of course . But doing it alone ? Whoa , boy . I have SO much respect for single mothers . The ones who have to do everything because if they don 't , no one else will . My mom did it and while I always respected her before , since becoming a mother myself she is pretty much Superwoman to me . I 'm not saying I 'm like a single mom , but for eight hours a day , I do this parent thing alone . This isn 't a dig on Michael . He works hard all day to provide for us and he trades his Work hat for his Dad hat before he even finished unlocking the door . When he 's home , he 's home . And I love him for that . This feeling is only a tiny fraction of the time I spend being a mother . The rest of the time I could pinch myself for being so lucky - lucky to have a thriving , beautiful child , a lovely home , a wonderful husband . But I think this feeling is worth talking about because no stay - at - home - mom , not even the ones making wreaths out of dried spaghetti and candle wax on Pinterest love it all of the time . September 20 , 2011 in at home | 9 comments We are in the dark ages at the new house … no tv or internet until Thursday ! The agony ! No , not really . Well , sort of . Well , it 's been an experience , that 's for sure . But we 're making it through with equal parts creativity and crazy - and a dash of humor . Here 's my tips on packing to move with a toddler that go beyond " pack when he sleeps " , because , yeah . Right . In our house , this is the Tupperware cabinet . To be honest , this is never really off limits , because it 's safe , easy to clean up , and will keep Owen occupied when I need to do something like start dinner . He tears through it like the Tasmanian Devil , but no harm comes from it . By letting him " unpack " that cabinet for me today , I was able to pack up a lot of the kitchen . Owen is totally enthralled by the amount of boxes in the house right now . " Box ! Box ! Box ! " has become his word of the moment . He loves them so much , that any time I would put something in a box , he would take it out . Not very helpful . The solution ? Give him his very own , of course . It 's taken residence in our living room and has become a fort of sorts . He sits in it , crawls in and out of it , and puts toys and books in it . I 've mentioned before that I don 't have a problem with Owen watching a little Sesame Street . I 'll put it on in the afternoon so he can wind down a little before napping . Usually , if he watches more than 10 consecutive minutes that 's a lot , because he 's much more interested in his blocks and books . But , if a song comes on , he 's into it , and I 'm guaranteed enough time to eat something , fold some laundry or , you know , use the bathroom alone . If you add his box into the mix , well , I might even get fifteen minutes . Whoa . And if you would never dare let your child watch some TV , well , more power to you . You must have one of those genius toddlers who practice a foreign language while mastering how to play the harp . I would love to fancy myself Super Mom , but let 's be honest , I only have two hands . There 's no shame in accepting a little help so when a friend offers to move some boxes for you or your mother - in - law offers to take the kid for a few hours , let them . That 's what grandparents are for , after all . My MIL took Owen for about five hours the other day and I managed to pack almost our entire upstairs without having to worry about what Owen was up to . And when he came home from grandma 's he was exhausted . Another plus ! I also got to sneak in a little zen time for me . I think this is the most important step of all . Packing a whole house can get overwhelming , so giving yourself a breather is important . It 's also important to make sure your toddler is getting enough attention and isn 't being neglected because of the big task in front of you . Try to keep their routine as close to normal as possible , and make sure you 're doing something fun together each day . Yesterday , I packed all morning , then put Owen in a stroller for a walk to the park . We played on the swings , took a walk by the river , and met another boy his age . He was happy , I was happy , it was all good . September 8 , 2011 in at home , memories | Tags : moving , new house | 8 comments A week from today we will officially be living in our new home . I 'm excited about it , for sure , but the next seven days are going to be ridiculous . Our current house is sort - of packed . We 're making good progress , but it 's certainly not done . And we need to be - soon - since Saturday and Sunday will be spent not here packing boxes , but celebrating my cousin 's wedding in NYC . When we return , we will have exactly two days to finish , load up the truck and be ready for 9 a . m . Wednesday , when we turn over the keys to the new owner . I 'm having mixed emotions over the whole thing . I never put too much time or energy into decorating or making it " my own " , because I knew we were rapidly outgrowing the space and wouldn 't be here too long . This house was Michael 's before it was ours , so while it is mine too , I never felt a strong attachment to it as a space . In that regard , I am ready to leave . Our new home has much more space and some really lovely touches , and I 'm excited to live there and begin making new memories . And for the first time , I 'm really excited to decorate . ( Thank you , Pinterest , for aiding in that addiction . ) But , I love this place because it is our home - the place where we came back to after getting married , where our first baby came home from the hospital to . Since having Owen , my emotional attachment to the house has certainly gotten stronger . It 's where he took his first bath , spoke his first word , had his first birthday party , took his first step . It 's where we became parents . There are a lot of firsts here . Chelsey ! She makes a strict budget each month . Bet she 's going to save a lot in the coffee area for a while ! Chelsey , please contact me ASAP at tlmoments ( at ) gmail ( dot ) com with your mailing info so we can get your chai in the mail ! September 6 , 2011 in college , life , memories | 12 comments This past weekend the weather was lovely and we were all itching to get out of the house . We live close to where we went to college , so we loaded up the car and headed down to spend some time on the quad . We didn 't realize until we arrived that it was freshmen move - in day . I started to blow bubbles for Owen and thought about how quickly time goes by . A group of girls in very little shorts and very strappy tank tops walked by us in a giggly mass and I realized that , whoa . That 's me - a decade ago . I wanted to stop those girls and say hey , breathe it in . Remember it . Slow down . ( And also ? Don 't drink punch out of a bucket on the floor at your first ever frat party tonight . Just a heads up from me to you . ) Before you know it , it will be you sitting here , looking at the former you , and reminiscing . No , I wouldn 't change it . Not any of it . I wouldn 't go back . How could I , when it 's all so good ? We had Kodiak with us too , and he tends to draw a lot of attention . A couple wandered over to us asking to pet him , and we got to taking . They cooed over Owen and told us they just dropped their son off at his dorm for the first time . It goes so quickly , they said . I mentioned how it feels like just yesterday that Michael and I were walking across this quad together hand - in - hand on our way to classes , and now here we are with our child . We met here 10 years ago , I told them . The nostalgia isn 't sad , it 's comforting . To know that some things will never change , even when everything else does . There will always be a girl on the quad blowing bubbles , spinning around , hair on her shoulders , skirt twirling in the breeze . ( That girl lives on every campus after all , does she not ? ) Only this weekend , I blew the bubbles instead . One day it will be us dropping our son off on his first day of college . Maybe even on this very campus . And then one day , it will be his turn to let his little birdie fly from the nest .
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In 1998 , my mum ran over my beloved pet cat . I have been whinging about it ever since . ( I also whinge about a variety of other things , which I 'm sure the internet is on the edge of its virtual seat to find out about . ) " While I 'm sorry to read that you 've made a number of disastrous life decisions , I can 't see how our letter is responsible for these . " People just won 't take responsibility for anything these days . I know it has been a while since I blogged and you 're all probably wondering what I 've been doing with my life , but you can stop worrying about whether I have finally given up on modern technology , thrown my new phone to the dogs and gone to live in the wilderness without a computer , because here I am . ( I know this is probably not the case , and you have probably just been getting on with your own lives and my blog has crossed your mind only once , possibly twice , in the past month , but there are certain things that I need to cling to in order to make it through the day , and the fact that people on the internet might like me is one of them . ) This blog is going to mainly consist of a letter of complaint I wrote to a big company who accidentally sent me a letter about life insurance that was meant to go to my mother . I was extremely proud of it when I had finished until someone brought up the good point of how successful my life could be if I put as much effort into doing something productive as I put into being a dickhead , but nevermind that . To my joy , I received a letter back the following week from a man that I can only assume wears a suit and hates his job but was marginally cheered up by my amusing ( distressed ) letter . Here they are : He didn 't really sign it Big Man In Suit , but I think he would have done if he 'd been allowed . I think my favourite part of the response is the bit when he says that my disastrous life decisions are not his fault . People just won 't take responsibility for anything anymore , will they ? And the worst part about the whole ordeal is that I didn 't even get £ 75 worth of complimentary Marks and Spencers gift vouchers . I guess I will just have to continue trudging on through life , eating beans on toast in a decidedly average pant suit and wondering if I can make a living from writing complaint letters . Posted by It 's here . It 's finally happened . ( No , I 've not started to do something with my life if that 's what you thought . Sorry to get you excited if it was ) . I have got a new phone . It 's shiny and modern and takes good photographs and lets me go on the internet when I 'm on the bus . On the BUS . Can you imagine ? You probably can , because you probably have one of these phones too , but for me , it 's all brand new . I have been using the same beat - up Nokia since the late 2000s and have been refusing and refusing for years to upgrade to anything . My reasoning was very much along the lines of , " I don 't want to be one of those people who sits in the pub on the phone all evening , " and I knew that , should I have the opportunity to , I would probably do that . Because I love the internet . I 've not got to the stage yet where I 'll sit in the corner all night looking at it , but I did walk into a tree walking home from the pub on Friday night because I was looking at my phone . I 've never been hit by a car , but I imagine that it is a pretty similar to what I went through . My glasses flew off my face , my phone flew to the pavement , and my head ricocheted off the tree and into the night . I was so embarrassed that I had to stagger around and pretend to be a lot drunker than I actually was just so the man walking towards me didn 't think I was an absolute moron . He probably still thought that , but at least he 'll have thought it 's because I was highly intoxicated . The main reason I got a new phone was because I was sick of hearing my friends pipe up with snarky comments every time I got a text . " Ooh , someone just got a message from the nineties ! " - Unacceptable behaviour from friends . They should know by now the one most important thing about me : I can dish it , but I can 't take it . It 's a gigantic problem I have and I 'm afraid I 've always been this way . I throw a snowball and it gets you right in the eye ? Hilarious . I will laugh manically for a good ten minutes , regale the story with mirth for years to come , and still 100 % expect us to be best friends forever . You throw a snowball and it gets me in secretly thinking , ' oh my God . I thought we were friends . I can 't believe they hate me . And that actually really hurt ( my feelings ) . ' I will then spend the next week wracked with insecurity and trying to figure out what I 've done wrong in our relationship to make you stop loving me . The blood - shot eye from the snowball attack will calm down , but , unfortunately , our friendship cannot be salvaged . I had one of my famous I Fucking Hate X , Y and Z rants the other day about leopard print . I hate it , I really , really despise solid and list everything that I think is wrong with it . After listening to my passionate speech about the vomit inducing print , my friend told me that she was going to buy me a leopard print t - shirt as a joke and then pretend it was a serious gift . This is the kind of joke that I will happily do to someone else but would never play along with should it be done to me . would accept it , tell her that I usually don 't like leopard print but this is different , maybe it 's something about the cut of the collar or the unique fabric that it 's made out of ? I don 't know , but I just love it . I wasn 't going to see her , just in case I ran into her . I would wear it so much over the following year that people would stop referring to me as , ' that weird girl I always see spilling her pint all over herself in the pub , ' and instead I 'd be known as , ' that girl that really likes leopard print . ' Eventually , one evening as we are cooking tea or playing I would have to scratch another person off the list of people whose friendship I can count on . The moral of the story ? I don 't really think the moral of the story is not to play jokes on me , I think the moral of the story is probably , ' Amy needs a slap , ' but still . Don 't play jokes on me . Because I will cry , and we will no longer be friends , and then when I am a rich and famous blogger and I release my largely anticipated memoirs , Rookie Mistakes , that really funny story of us doing something absolutely hilarious will not be included , and the money you could have made from being my friend will be no longer existent , all because of one silly mistake on your part . Think about that next time you think , " wouldn 't it be hilarious to do this to Amy ? " - because unless you want to be a pauper for the rest of your life , no . It wouldn 't be . Posted by Hello world , and welcome to another exciting episode of Amy 's Travelling Life . I 've not been on my travels in a while ( unless you include the seaside towns of northern England , which , no offence to them , I don 't really ) , so it was a good feeling when I woke up one morning and found myself in Italy . ( I didn 't find myself there in the Alice in Wonderland sense - my sister and I had booked it a while ago for her birthday and then we got on a plane , so it wasn 't really a shock . . . ) I 'm glad that the universe has not yet given up on trying to traumatise me every time I go to the airport - it 's nice to know that there is something reliable that I can depend upon when the rest of my life descends into chaos . The first strike happened just as I was walking through the security checks at Leeds Bradford airport . I can 't be the only one that feels nervous walking through security - it 's the same feeling of overwhelming and yet entirely invalid guilt I get whenever I see a policeman . I know I 've not done anything wrong , just like I know I 'm not smuggling five kilos of cocaine through customs in my luggage , but I still feel like they 're looking at me with their knowing eyes , watching me sweat profusely , patiently waiting for their sniffer dog to pounce on me and pin me to the ground , ripping bags of drugs from my underwear with its teeth whilst I pretend to look shocked and insist that I 'm wearing somebody else 's pants . As I repeat my mantra to myself , ( ' you 're innocent , you 've not done anything wrong , if Kezia gets taken down for having tweezers in her hand luggage , it is not your fault ! ' ) , I feel something strange happen . I can 't tell exactly what it is at first , I just know something 's wrong . It 's like getting in the shower with your socks on - at first , you can 't put your finger on what feels different - you just know that something isn 't right . It takes me about ten seconds , just enough time for me to get to the metal detector , to figure out what it is . My bra has come undone . If you 're a woman , or a bra wearing man , you Strike two came not too long afterwards , approximately 32 , 000ft above strike one . As a general travelling rule , Kezia likes to indulge in crappy magazines at the airport so she can be entertained on the plane and ensure that , by the time she lands , she will be well informed of the sex lives of the oddly inhuman women that write into Cosmopolitan . As for me , I 'm only in it for the free gifts . ( OK , I 'll admit it , I like reading about the weird women 's sex lives too , but that is neither here nor there . ) Anyway . One of the free gifts with this month 's Cosmo came in the form of a little sachet of cocoa butter , my favourite of all the body butters , partly because it smells like what I imagine heaven to smell like , and partly because it makes my skin as soft as the silk robes of an Indian prince . As I applied it to my hands , it became apparent that the hand to cocoa butter ratio was not well proportioned and I would have to dispose of the excess butter by rubbing it on my arms . This is where the fun begins . As I stretched out my arm , ready to liberally apply this delightful substance , my cocoa butter - covered hand accidentally made contact with the head of the bald man sat on the row infront . There is no guide to life that could ever instruct me in what to do in this situation . Do I acknowledge it and apologise , thus owning up to what just happened , do I ignore it and feign ignorance if questioned , or do I make up some elaborate story about what it might have been - for example , a raindrop , bird poo , the tears of a flying squirrel ( a completely non - fictitious member of the animal kingdom , scientifically referred to as pteromyini ) ? I opted for the second option , admitting it only to Kezia in a mortified whisper as she gave me a look that was a mix of both amusement and the kind of shame reserved for family members only . We managed to make it to Rome without any further hiccups and , after dropping our stuff at the hostel , set off to explore . We 'd both been told it was a beautiful city so decided that , whichever direction we took , we would end up somewhere nice . Wrong . We managed to take the only street that wound up taking us off the map and into the Italian ghetto , in the pouring rain , with no grasp of the Italian language and only a 3Euro umbrella I bought from a slightly dodgy man outside the train station to shield us from the torrential downpours . It took us well over an hour to make it back to the hostel - we were wet , cold and tired , but ultimately just pretty glad to have not been stabbed . The next day , after a girl in the hostel warned us not to go down the street we had ventured down the night before , it was sunny and warm and we managed to find the real Rome , which , I 'm relieved to say , actually is pretty bloomin ' beautiful . As our duty as embarrassing English natives demands , we spent the following week speaking terrible Italian and discovering that there is absolutely no correlation between ordering in Italian and getting what you thought you were ordering . Apparently , a breakfast board saying , ' cappuccino and toast ' really means , ' cappuccino and weird ham sandwich ' , and latte is Italian for milk , not coffee and milk like Starbucks has tricked us all into thinking . When we discovered this , we were too embarrassed to admit it to the waiter and were so determined to shake off the ignorant English - speaking stereotype that we pretended we weren 't surprised at all and proceeded to drink a nice cup of warm milk in the middle of the day in 30 degree heat . As if this wasn 't punishment enough for being ignorant , we spent a significant amount of time the following day looking for the Pantheon in order to reinstate our titles as cultural , educated young women . As the designated map reader for the week , I took us down every side street and through every corner cafe before declaring that we were taking a cappuccino break ( no more warm milk for us ! ) in a nice little square with a pretty fountain and a majestic looking building until we were ready to go looking again . We ate pizza and talked about how pretty Italy was , how we loved the little shutters on every window , the cobbled streets and the mopeds , the sunshine and the great coffee . We talked about how beautiful all the buildings were , the one we were sat in front of was particularly beautiful . We wondered what it was . So beautiful was it that we took photos before spending a further 45 minutes walking around the city looking for the Pantheon . We 're really not ignorant . Really . My sister is one of the most intelligent people I know . She can speak Arabic . Arabic , for God 's sake . It 's just , sometimes , we struggle with things that normal people don 't . And neither of us had ever seen a photo of the Pantheon , so you know . . . We 're not entirely to blame in this . I , personally , blame it on a mixture of going to a pretty rubbish comprehensive school and the fact that for the majority of my adolescence I cared more about Nirvana and Harry Potter than learning about things I probably should have been learning about . Kezia got an A in History . She should have known better . Anyway . Once we discovered that it was the Pantheon , we sheepishly wandered inside and spent more time than was really needed reading the little placards in an attempt to rectify our mistakes . There were some pretty impressive tombs in there and it got me to thinking that , when my time comes , I wouldn 't mind being buried in a majestic looking tomb . I realise that it is doubtful that I will ever do anything that has enough impact to warrant me being buried in a tomb , so instead I have made a contingency plan . In the event of a premature death , I will play one last practical joke at the expense of my mother and insist she dispose of me in any of the following ways : I 'm aware that some of these would not explicitly be classed as ' necessities ' , but when a grown adult in full time employment cannot afford animal crackers , then something is up with the world . I went for tea at my mum 's last night and whilst I was there I did my usual subtle pilfering and managed to make off down the driveway two hours later with a jar of Branston pickle and a handful of washing tablets . That 's what parents are for , correct ? I also feel like she kind of owed me as whilst I was there she broke the news , not very sensitively , I might add , that she 's turning my childhood bedroom into a ' therapy room ' . I 'm not entirely sure what this entails , but I 'm assuming it involves some kind of Indian head massage apparatus , healing crystals and some other new age , hippy paraphernalia . I 'm slightly concerned that the next time I go round she 'll be sat in there getting stoned , lighting incense sticks and listening to Enya , but I suppose there are worse roads she could take . Maybe I should go into the field of tunic wearing , soft talking spiritual therapy . At least then I would have something to say to old friends of my mum 's who still come up to me and congratulate me on the degree I got two years ago . When I point this out to them , they laugh as though I 've said something hilarious and then say , " well , yes , but it 's still a very good achievement ! " - What they really mean here , is , " well , yes , I know , but you 've not really done anything since then so I have to pretend that you 're still impressive for the sake of your poor mother . God love her . No wonder she 's turned to marijuana . " Some of them take the other route and , when I tell them I still work in a farm shop , they click their tongue and say , " but you 're so clever ! " - That 's my particular favourite . I think they 've all clearly overestimated me - obviously none of them saw me spend ten minutes the other day looking for my phone before realising I was talking on it . Good afternoon , fanbase ! I hope you all enjoyed the sunny bank holiday last weekend as much as I did , although it 's highly doubtful as I had the greatest weekend camping at the seaside , consumed a grand total of 29 pints of cider between Friday and Monday , went paddling in the sea and ate ice cream . My personal highlight of the weekend though ( along with the cider , the sea , and the ice cream ) , was my friend 's mum eating what her husband assured her was mangetout ( I , for one , would be suspicious of anything named that anyway ) , but turned out to actually be a very hot chili . I have a sneaking suspicion that if I ever have a near death experience and my life flashes before my eyes , that moment will be on constant loop until my time comes , along with two other of my favourite moments in life , one being when a woman fell down the escalator in Primark ( she wasn 't hurt , it 's not as mean as it sounds ) and the other when I saw a pretentious , snobby woman walking through town get her high heel stuck in a grate . All three are fantastic moments and I think all have played a part in the person I am today . As drinking goes , 29 pints over one weekend is probably my greatest achievement yet ( at one point , I actually drank the pub clean out of cider , which I 'm quite proud of ) but I don 't think it 's a personal best that I 'll be trying to top anytime soon as I 'm fairly certain that some damage has been done to my internal organs . After regaling the tale to my mum , she did not try to hide her displeased tone and wasted no time in telling me that I was probably going to contract some horrific disease and die before the end of the week . I 've taken it upon myself to have a detox month - not because I think she 's right , but . . . you know , just in case . I feel that camping in Britain , even in the summer months , is a risk that inhabitants of warm countries just cannot understand . There is nothing worse than trying to put up a tent whilst rain is hammering down on you and the wind is blowing your ground sheet halfway across the campsite . ( Well , there are probably some things that are worse . For example , I 'd probably take the tent over getting aids or being eaten alive by a crocodile , but unhappiness is relative . ) Fortunately for us , there was quite a lot of unprecedented sunshine over the weekend , which helped a lot with my " tan " but did not provide as much support as I would have hoped in terms of erecting my tent . There are some many things in life that I am not good at , and putting up a tent is one of them . ( The list also includes putting duvet covers on , doing cartwheels , long division , cutting wrapping paper in a straight line , making good first impressions and doing things with my life . ) Even with four other people helping my tent still ended up being wonky , but I found solace in walking around the campsite in a crocodile onesie and assuring myself that , despite my tent erecting skills , I was still the coolest person on the campsite , as one young child dressed a zebra discovered after I shouted , " bring it , bitch ! " and gave her a knowing look that I hope translated as , " we both know about the food chain , we both know what 's about to go down , get off my patch , you onesie wearing weirdo . " ( For future reference , onesies are very warm for camping in but , with hindsight , they are not the best attire for getting up to go for a wee in the middle of the night ) . To be honest , I don 't think onesies should be worn by children anyway . Unless you have the skills to wee in a field without weeing on your crocodile tail , then you don 't deserve to wear one . You know what really creeps me out about children ? ( Once again , my maternal side is just bursting to get out . ) How nonchalant they are about the concept of pregnancy . " Oh my God , I can switch this light on and off seven times in a row - how HILARIOUS is this ? I just don 't understand how it can be off and then , suddenly , there 's light ! What the hell ! Mental ! What 's that ? There 's another human living parasitically inside mummy and in nine months it will come crawling out of her vagina and come and live with us ? Cool . " How does that make sense ? They can 't figure out why putting a square block into a triangular hole doesn 't fit , but they 're fine with the idea that you can grow your own human ? ( I 'm aware that I am talking about pregnancy a lot recently and I would just once again like to reiterate that this is not indicative of my maternal state , although I am starting to wonder whether my unconscious is trying to tell me something . If in six months I buy a puppy , you 'll all understand why , although I feel like I will never be in a place in my life where I feel comfortable enough to be solely responsible for an animal . Every time someone leaves me alone with their cat and it has a hairball in its throat , I convince myself that it is choking to death and I will have to either a ) be blamed forever for the demise of someones beloved family pet , or b ) have to give mouth to mouth resuscitation to a cat . I 'll be honest , neither option is particularly inviting . ) I don 't look much older . I don 't feel much older . I definitely don 't act much older . . . But , as it is , I am much older . I am 23 , and that is that , and , according to blink - 182 and a birthday card from my sister , ' nobody likes you when you 're 23 , ' so I 'm just going to have to deal with it . Instead , I will fill my time with only intelligent conversation and respectable actions . My working attitude will be less belligerent and I will execute my customer service with the gravitas it deserves . As a kickstart to my new , dignified lifestyle , I had a trial run and attended a dinner party at my friend Bella 's house . ( I say attended , I was technically co - hosting , but mostly all I did was turn up in denim , take control of the music , and force Tequila on the other guests ) . During the dinner party , conversation turned , as it does at dinner parties , to people 's experiences of being on TV . Notable appearances include Bella 's dad having multiple cameos on Time Team and our friend Alun expressing his views on politics , doctoring , and the new 20p coin . When it came to my family , however , we deviated slightly from standard dinner party etiquette as our only claims to fame were my cousin Steve debuting on Sun , Sex and Suspicious Parents and my sister making an appearance on a channel 4 documentary about phone sex . All we need now is for me to go on Jeremy Kyle and we 've got a full set . Once , when I was twelve , I went on holiday to Gran Canaria and the musician in the bar let me have a go on his guitar and play a really depressing Nirvana song to families drinking sangria and trying to be happy . ( This was the start of a stage I went through where all I would wear were baggy jeans with skulls on them and big jumpers . Even on holiday . In 35 degree heat ) . As I left the stage , the musician thanked me and said maybe he 'd see me on TV one day , and then , in an undertone , ' on Crime Watch . ' I only hope that one day I can fulfill this man 's prophecy and end up on Crime Watch , if not because I have committed an impressive crime , then at least as a victim in a reconstruction of a mugging , complete with dramatic screaming and , I can only hope , a swag bag . I feel like if I ever got mugged in real life I would be the biggest disappointment ever . ( Story of my life , I know ) . Someone would come over with a pistol and demand all of my valuables , and I would just have to stand there , probably having pissed myself , and hand over the Nokia mobile phone I 've had since 2007 that has a missing back and £ 3 . 42 in change . I think I would end up being more embarrassed than traumatised . . . Maybe I 'll invest in an iPhone , just so I can have a scrap of dignity when my time eventually comes . To be honest , I 'm not sure why I don 't just get a new phone anyway , regardless of mugging prospects . I think I 've grown so used to all of my possessions being broken through lack of care that I can 't actually envision a world in which I don 't have to stand on a chair holding my radio aerial in order to get Radio 1 or support my camera lens when taking a photo so it doesn 't fall out of the body . My glasses have also recently joined my growing collection of broken possessions after I dropped them at work and broke the frame . I had to spend my morning in search of a strong adhesive to hold them together and then , in the afternoon , I had a phonecall from Specsavers saying that as I have ignored their relentless phone calls and letters , they are assuming that I no longer require their contact lenses and have cancelled my direct debit . Consequently , I am now too embarrassed to go and get my glasses fixed and I can 't wear contacts because my supply has been cut off , leaving me walking around with broken glasses that are , despite what the last ten people who 've noticed have told me , very noticeable . Posted by
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Hope you had a great weekend . I just received the parcel this morning and have been going through the videos . So far , I must say you 've done a fantastic job ! The quality is superb - feeling nostalgic and a little embarrassed to see myself so clearly from 20 + years ago ! Jen 's creative suggestions added both humour and warmth , and her technical software magic coupled with her attention to timing and cadence , was just what was needed to make a very personalized , funny and absolutely unique end product . She allowed me to be creative and integrated many of my ideas , and all this was done in the short time frame allotted ( we were in a hurry ! ) . Thanks again Jen and the team at Digital Treasures for making a slide - show like no other and creating a REAL Digital Treasure that the family will watch over and over again ! HI Marc and Jen ! I finally got a few minutes to watch all the films and I absolutely love them . Everything came out so clear , much better than I expected . Even the old damaged video of my Mom dancing came out decently . I can 't thank you enough . Do you have a facebook page ? If so I can go on there and give you a review or something . I would recommend you to anyone . I wanted to let you know that the videos were a hit ! My Grandma lives in a nursing home , and had no laptop or internet access . So I organized all the films , put them on DVD 's and mailed them to her place . My mom and her two brothers visited my Grandma a few weeks ago and they were all able to watch some of the films together as a family . J My Grandma saw faces that she hasn 't seen in 30 + years , including her own ( now long - gone ) parents and a grandchild ( my cousin ) that she has been estranged from since she was 5 years old ( she is now 45 ) . Absolutely amazing ! I 'm so grateful to you both for helping to make this happen . This time , there are ( at most ) several hundred images in various forms - - b & w prints , colour slides , some newspaper clippings , and some negatives . Would you be able to scan these for us as well ? If so , I could drop them by the Horner location whenever it 's convenient for you . Hello Marc . Thanks for your email and for responding so quickly to my call today . No worries about the delay , these things happen . And for what it 's worth , I 'm extremely pleased with the results of your teams ' work . I couldn 't be happier . You can absolutely use my testimonial . I 'd also like to add that your staff are incredibly friendly and helpful , and made the process very easy for me to understand . I wouldn 't hesitate to use your services again if I need any analog media digitized . I 'll be sure to give you a like on Facebook . Marc , I wanted to thank you , Chris and the Digital Treasures team for the exceptional service and the brilliant quality of the finished product . My father commented that the quality of the movies is even better than what he remembers when watching the originals 40 + years ago . I will certainly be a repeat customer for any future digital conversion services . I can 't believe the quality of the nearly 60 - year old audio tape you folks digitized for Janet and me . There is no hiss or other distortion . You wouldn 't believe the absolute delight that the new version has given the family ! Hard to believe - I didn 't expect this at all . The 8mm films you copied to digital for me were no less appreciated . Thanks again . There are some friends and family who have projects like this that they have been thinking about and I will definitely recommend Digital Treasures Digital Treasury was able to digitize some old videos quickly and with great quality . We will be using the transfers in a documentary film and are super happy with how they came out . I have already recommended the service to a few other people - for both personal and professional uses . Thanks again ! Digital Treasures transferred my home videos and family films to digital and I couldn 't be happier with the results . They are highly professional , the service was first class and I would recommend them to anyone . With Thanks , I was extremely satisfied with Digital Treasures - they transferred a number of old family videos onto DVDs and also a hard drive so we have permanent access to the materials . They did a great job and were very efficient as we worked through a number of old cassettes . This was irreplaceable material and Digital Treasures took excellent care of everything and now we can all share and enjoy our family memories . I just want to say thank you to you and your team for the awesome job you did with my family slides & photos . When I lost my husband last year it became very apparent how valuable our old slides and photos were to me and my family . I sent you our slides & some photos , my brother 's slides , my parents photo album photos and my husband 's parents slides - - all from the ' 50 's and ' 60 's . Photos dated back to the ' 30 's and onwards . Needless to say you have given all members of my family and extended family lots of reasons to love Digital Treasures . We are going to throw a party , rent a projection screen and surprise my 80 year old brother with tons of good memories . The rest of us have already spent lots of hours and shed many happy tears sharing so many happy memories . I 'm sure you do corporate projects as well . But when families send you their treasured memories , you have touched their hearts on a different level . Thank you so much . I will be gathering all of the rest of our photos and sending to you sometime next year ! Great service & great job ! I would use your company again when / if necessary and wouldn 't hesitate in recommending your company to my friends & family . You may recycle my slides as I no longer want or need them . Great service & great job ! I would use your company again when / if necessary and wouldn 't hesitate in recommending your company to my friends & family . You may recycle my slides as I no longer want or need them . I love having the videos on hard drive ! I think it was a better present for me than my husband . I have raved about Digital Treasures to all my family and friends . So yes I am so pleased with the end product and your service . Just outstanding ! And believe it or not I have found a few more videos that need to be transferred so will be stopping by this fall . I have used Digital Treasures for ( I can 't remember what I came for the first time . . . 2014 ! ) and recently for a very large and boring scanning job . Both times they have gone above and beyond in results and service . I highly recommend them and hope to use their services in the future myself , they are indeed ' a treasure ' . " Hi - Just to let you know I received my tapes and USB keys yesterday by special delivery . Thank - you so much . I have scanned them and they look terrific . I will wait until this Canada Post labour dispute is over before sending everything else to you . I picked up my digitized film yesterday and spent the entire evening watching it over , and over . I forwarded it to my family , and I had people calling me telling me they were in tears watching it . Thank you and the crew so much for this wonderful experience ! I brought in 3 reels of 8mm film a few weeks ago and then the remainder of 8mm film reels for a total of 13 reels that I recently picked up plus the cost was reasonable . The movies are from 1969 to about 1978 so are special memories although they are not as good as the videos from today 's digital cameras or even the cell phones today take better quality videos . I just had to pass this message to you and that is I was totally amazed with the quality of your work and obviously very satisfied . I had been trying over the years to film the movies using my video camera from the projection on the wall and the screen but was totally frustrated with the results . When your ad came up on my screen from FaceBook , your web site explained with accuracy what I wanted . I have passed your web site plus your address to several people who are anxious to bring their 8mm film to you . All I can say again is Thank You for your excellent work . I 'm now enjoying editing my top notch videos I received from you . Many sites I saw over the years weren 't as good as yours explaining their work plus I had to mail my reels in as opposed to bringing them in like I was able to into your office - I was always afraid of the reels getting lost along the way to their office and returned to me . Again , a big thank you for your excellent work . Thanks Jen . The DVD is great . The videos brought back a lot of memories . The films were stored at my late mothers house and I had never seen them before . It was a real treat to finally see them . After using Digital Treasures for some of my corporate work - which demands the highest quality in film and video tape digital transfer - I knew exactly where to go to get all of my home movies transferred . It was quite the collection : VHS , Beta , Mini - DV and Super - 8 films from as far back as the early 1970s ! The attention to detail , colour - correction and overall quality was simply superb . I enthusiastically endorse Digital Treasures and will encourage my friends and family to settle for nothing less . Hi Jen , Thank you very much for the great service . So far the videos that we have watched look great . Just that they have caused a couple of sleepless nights for me . Because when we start watching things from 25 years ago it 's hard to turn it off , no one wants to go to bed . Thanks again . All the best , Michael Pascarella , CHS Insurance and Investment Solutions SUN LIFE FINANCIAL From : A Ramlall I want to thank you and Martin for transferring the videos for me . My family and I enjoyed watching all the old memories , it was a lot of fun and very emotional . You guys did a wonderful job ! ! Hi Jen , My sisters shower is on the 20th however I have shown a couple of close family members the slideshow and they loved it . I will be recommending your company to my sister in the even her and her fiancée decide to do a slideshow at their wedding in June . Thanks to you and your team for your hard work . You captured the beautiful memories of my grandmother wonderfully . Stefanie Unfortunately , the banquet hall where we hosted the party had an outdated system . The slideshow worked , but there was no audio . I was very disappointed . . . the song would have been perfect . Christine Fambely here - with smiles , grins and tears . . . talk about being an emotional mess . I received the USB / DVD 's of the old tapes . WOW . . . talk about a flood when I heard my late husbands voice after nearly 27 years . . . weird doesn 't describe it . So many memories and I can now share this with the kids . SO many family members have past away too . . . so what a wonderful way to remember them and keep life alive . I got the delivery , thank - you ! I 've watched a few of the videos and they look great so far . Thanks ! One person at the hospital was asking for your name as they 've got a stack of tapes too , I 'll send them your way . I just wanted to let you know how the big slide show reveal went yesterday at the party . Everybody LOVED it ! My husband was in tears - literally tears rolling down his face . Such a beautiful presentation you guys put together for me . I am so , so grateful and appreciative . We can 't stop watching it ! Thanks for following up . We were extremely pleased with the work done , packaging , expediency of job and even dealing with Chris who was an absolute treasure to deal with . It 's so wonderful to get quality personal service these days . Doesn 't happen often enough . All I can say is wow ! What an awesome company to deal with . We had over 23 video reels that had been just sitting in a box . We knew we had to get something done to preserve the memories on them . I contacted the company and Chris Cooper called me personally within a day or so and we got the ball rolling . We shipped the reels to the company a few weeks before Christmas and Chris stayed in touch via email to let us know how the process was going . We were given an estimate on the cost before anything was done . Our items were shipped back to us super quick and I was amazed how well they were able to preserve the memories . This will definitely make someone 's Christmas a happy one . Some of the reels sent were from the early 70 's . I can not be happier with the finished product . This company is very professional and I would recommend them to anyone . Chris , we really want to thank you all for the excellent , professional service . Our tapes , DVD 's and hard drive arrived perfectly early yesterday . We opened them up soon after and spent a most emotional day experiencing countless memories we had made 20 years ago . The quality of the transfer is impressive . I will write a review if I can find the site , and I will recommend your service to anyone I find . Thank you so much for taking on what I had found to be such a daunting and monumental task , one that I would probably never get to . Have a great Christmas , Tim . This is Joanne here . Yesterday we had a family lunch , and I put on the CD 's just as background visuals with no sound , just for fun . Well , we couldn 't stop watching , and ended up sitting by the TV watching for much of our lunch time ! . Then last night Tim took out the hard drive , and him and I watched til 1 : 30 am ! ! ! ! Couldn 't take our eyes off the images . Our daughter just turned 20 on the Dec . 16 , so it was so incredibly wonderful to see her first food , first jolly jumper experience , first time rolled over . All these memories are vaguely in our heads , but watching was kleenex - necessary for both of us . Thank you soooo much for the incredible memories you 've restored for our family . Christmas kisses and hugs to you all . Yesterday I reviewed all the files again , just to make sure everything was all good , just before discarding the physical film . Everything was super . Thank you so much for the great job you guys did . I just want to thank you and your team for the wonderful results you achieved with my 45 year old audio tape . It actually sounds like it was recorded yesterday . I will recommend your services to my friends and family . You did a GREAT job . On Monday , Sept 29 I am sending more . There will be 21 small reels and 3 - 7 inch in cans . The format you did it in is perfect . Do the same thing again . I will send you tracking No . and more info when I have it . I have received and viewed the VHS transfer tapes to DVDs and USB . I am very happy with the project and appreciate your expertise and professionalism . So nice to have done business with you and I 'll be in touch for further projects . Thank you folks . WOW … thank you soooo much . Received the pkg yesterday and sat down to watch . I realize they were not in order , and there was no sound but i thoroughly enjoyed viewing it . Great job , I will recommend you / your company to anybody that will listen . Very pleased . We recently undertook a monumental project of compiling some 70 years of family memories into a movie . Part of this task required that all of our 8 & 16 mm films and VHS tapes be converted to digital format , with next to no time to complete it all . Digital Treasures listened carefully to our requirements , made time on their busy schedules to complete this incredibly rush jobs , and pulled it off with flying colours ! On behalf of the 2015 Norwich Canada Day Committee in Norwich , ON we would like to thank Chris Cooper from Digital Treasury Group Inc . for going above and beyond to accommodate our short - time frame to transfer movies from a VHS tape onto a DVD and media disc then return the items to us before our July 1st Celebrations . Even when we encountered delivery problems at our end , Chris was very supportive and accommodating to provide assistance to rectify the situation . As a result , we received the items in time and had a very successful event showing our old movies . Thank you Chris ! Your team did an excellent job of scanning my old photos from the Star Wars set as well as creating beautiful BluRay 's of my long lost film ' Black Angel ' . These have now been shown at various film festivals around the world with copies being presented to both the President of Hungary and the Prime Minister of Malaysia . Suffice it to say job very well done and I look forward to continuing to work with your team on projects both personal and professional in nature . Very Best , Working with Digital Treasures was a great experience from start to finish . Our company needed to get some digital conversion work done quickly and at high quality and DT delivered on both accounts . They made the whole process simple and stress - free and provided us with a great quality product . We 're already planning to do repeat business converting our old video archive and I would highly recommend their services to others . Dian and I have had an opportunity to go through all of the files that you converted from VHS and VHS - C tapes to digital files for us . We are completely happy with the results and now authorize you to destroy the originals as discussed . Please feel free to keep and use the camcorder that we provided as you see fit . Thank you for the professional way in which this project was handled . We can now enjoy these memories again and again . We had a project where we were taking all of our audio and video footage and digitizing it - from VHS to CD to DVD to Audiocassette to MiniDV and DVCam . Digital Treasures did a fantastic job of digitizing it all . Not only that . . . once it was digitized we were able to easily get them to edit the footage into digital files that we can readily use in our videos . Awesome job . Highly recommend . Great service . Very knowledgeable . They made our project easy . A big thanks to Marc and Dave ! As TVO 's Media Coordinator , I was tasked with transferring about 85 old analog audio cassettes of interviews with prominent Ontario political figures for a research project . Many of the cassettes were over 25 years old , and Digital Treasury did an outstanding job converting these recordings to digital files with excellent quality , and met all the delivery deadlines without issues . I would not hesitate to use Digital Treasury again for any similar needs in future . Hi Jen . Thanks for the follow - up note , which is again indicative of the professional and friendly service I received from you and everyone at your company . The product quality is great too ! My Mother was completely overwhelmed ( in a good way ) and we had a ton of fun - - three generations of the family watching together . My daughter was there and I believe she never would have seen Dad 's slides of him and Mom at her very age if I had not done this conversion . So , I am sincere in saying that I would be delighted to give you an endorsement . I had mentioned " Homestars " to you when I was with you . Check it out and let me know if and where you would like me to sing your praises . I have this afternoon received the return of my film and your digital scans . A quick look and I 'm thrilled ! Thank you so much for the clearly considered attention to my requests . In due course you may hear from my brilliant cousin Russell based in Cambridge MA . His late father has an archive of 16mm film and stills that I am suggesting Treasures could help secure . So please watch out for something from a RUSSELL from Cambridge . Hey , Martin - - Just wanted to let you guys know that you did a fabulous and well organized job converting my 75 - year - old 8mm movie film to DVD ! And since it is now in digital format , I 'll be able to add , via my computer , some background music , sound effects , and personal titles to produce our own family DVD of these historical ( and hysterical ) movies . I should add that it was great fun to see my family , including myself , and " how we were " as kids ! If we find any more old reels " in the attic " , we 'll certainly bring them in for conversion . You guys did a fantastic job of digitizing our elementary school 's vinyl record albums that were recorded in the 1970 's . At our 50th Anniversary Open House event there was a spontaneous gathering of the members of the choir and our much loved choir director . When our DJ played the digitized recordings , the voices of our childhood days rang through the gym as clearly as they day they were recorded . The three part harmony was accompanied by the more seasoned voices of the alumni who sang along . The opportunity to relive our fond memories of the choir was priceless and unforgettable ! Cheers , tears , applause and hugs were shared all round ! Many thanks ! Maria Meehan , Principal , St . Timothy School I 'm just sitting here , blurry - eyed , binge - watching them . I 'm going to show some of them to my dad next time I see him . Thanks again and I look forward to seeing you on May 19 ! AWESOME product , format and love the thank you card ! WOW factor ! ! Sometimes you can 't see the value in doing it , but after watching some stupid little videos , you get a grand and vivid view of great big memories ! ! Exceptional service from start to finish ! Thank you . The film transfers of our parents wedding to the memory sticks and dvd was fantastic . Now easily enjoyed by all . Your patience and professional manner made this whole process virtually painless . I was truly impressed with the excellent services that Digital Treasures provided to me recently ( April 2015 ) . These days hardly anyone touches ancient 8mm films , but they converted it beautifully into a playable DVD and a digital file . They did the same with a home movie on a VHS tape . They also re - formatted 4 NTSC home movies into a particular brand of PAL . I have to confess I was not an easy customer - I 've changed my order a couple times , but they took it with a smile . I just wanted to pass on my kudos to you and your team of digital conversion wizards . I really wasn 't sure that my beat up , 25 year old , VHS tape was going to play , let alone be copied into a digital work of art . A big thank you to both yourself & Jen for being so great to work with ! I am giving a copy of the digital file to a friend for her birthday ( which is tomorrow ) , so thanks again for going above and beyond to get my file back earlier than expected . These old home movies look awesome , I 'm so happy with the finished product . Should anybody I know need your services , I will be more than happy to recommend you guys - Great Job ! Thank you for converting my 40 year old slides and movie reels . I appreciate the professional service I received thus far from you and your staff . All questions were answered with patience , product was delivered on time , and everyone was super friendly . It was great meeting you . I can 't thank you enough for doing this . You have made my day . It 's been over 40 years since anyone was able to see the photos of my grandparents 25th wedding anniversary . I am happy to leave a testimonial somewhere or tell others how great the work is that you do . I 'm sure you were quite busy and I appreciate you getting in touch . Based on our last conversation , I am inclined to leave the files " as is " and thank you for a job well done . Your professionalism and expertise are beyond compare and I assure you I will continue to recommend your services to family and friends as well as hopefully bringing in more tapes my self . I wish you continued success and a wonderful 2015 ! Thanks for another great job , you guys are the best ! I have recommended you guys to all my family and friends . Professional service at a fair price ; hard to come by these days ! Ryan We had a wonderful celebration ! Thank you again for our beautiful video and for giving us a lovely keepsake for our children and grandchildren . Your creativity captured our wishes . Our guests loved it ; I passed on your name to them . I have now watched the DVD both on my computer and on the big TV screen . The computer is better . I am really pleased with the quality . But the photographers certainly needed more experience ! ! I am amazed that some reels were so much better colour than others after all these years . The difference was significant . I had messed up the sequence of the reels because they weren 't originally labelled properly , which made for interesting viewing ! I really think I couldn 't have asked for anything better , after all these reels were in a box and stuck in a cupboard or a drawer for 45 years , with no thought to humidity or anything else . I am happy with them . My daughter will be amazed when I give her copy . Thanks again for your service , Janet From : RonS Thank you so much for the advice that you offered over the phone . I appreciated you quick response and the time you spent offering solutions . Thanks again for being so decent by offering further contacts . We live our lives while capturing images for ourselves and our descendants . It 's good to hear from someone who is passionate about helping to preserve our memories or keeping alive the moments in the lives of our ancestors . Thank you so much . I received the video package in order . We thought we lost this betamax tape and now for the first time my grown up children will see this . What a surprise ! Again thank you so much and may God bless your business . I finally found the time to sit down and review the completed project . I am pleased to confirm that the audio and visual tracks were captured and transferred completely and consistent with the original quality including a couple I had forgotten . I am fully satisfied with the results . Although I 'm faced with task of clipping , tagging and trimming the files , which will keep me occupied for a while , at least it 's a manageable task thanks to your efforts . We appreciated the return of our " treasures " and the professionalism with which you and the Toronto folks showed dealing with us . I have already advised my brother in Barrie of your company . Thanks Many thanks for your guidance and technical support in converting my ' family treasures ' to the digital world . The quality of the work and your customer service has been terrific . I look forward to continuing to work with you on my projects in the new year . I am just heading off to the sunny south , but before I did , I wanted to drop you a short note to thank you for the terrific job ( s ) you did for me . The help your team gave me editing my video was fantastic and I could not have been happier with the final product . As well , now all of our old home movies and home videos are digitally preserved for us , and are a real treasure for the entire family . Well I have given the slides and movies a preliminary run - through . You did a superb job ! Way better than anything I could have done with my " home equipment " . The colours are wonderful , like new ! There is not a mark on any of the reproductions . The movies are way better than I expected , remembering , as I do , the frailties of the original medium . Thank you for reprocessing my film . The work that Alex did was great . All my concerns with the transfer were fixed and the transfer came back cleaner than I expected . I had several hundred old slides my parents had taken and many were in bad shape , but I wanted to preserve what I could of the past . There are several companies in Toronto that do this kind of work , but a word of advice : ( 1 ) stay away from the cheapos because they really have no interest in what you say to them , they are just going to mass - produce your slides without even looking at them ; ( 2 ) don 't put up with the hassles and restrictions that some " quality " places impose on you . Best choice I made : Digital Treasures . From my first email I received a friendly , encouraging response , and Jen was extremely helpful in explaining what they would do when I took the slides out to their office . I was worried that the oldest slides ( the 127s with thin frames , almost all badly warped ) would be impossible to scan . Well , not only were they scanned perfectly but the extra work in cropping them to get them into jpeg format was done with great sensitivity . They found the best part of the photo and sacrificed only the peripheral parts . You can 't go wrong with this company . My experience started with a phone call searching out the best company and value to transfer my children 's home movies on VHS to DVD . My first contact by phone was with Marc who explained there process , reviewed there costing and left me feeling quite confident that they were the right company to do a test with . So I decided I would do a test and see there performance . I took them 3 VHS tapes for transfer . The discs were ready promptly in a couple of days as promised . When I got the discs home , very excited I put the first disc in my DVD player . Unfortunately the only thing that came up on my screen was a message that said cannot read disc which left me feeling disappointed ! I called Marc to advise him what was happening and feel this is really where ( in my head anyway ) this company began to shine . Unfortunately after making immediate arrangements to get my machine , do the download and play the discs they still did not work in my machine , however Alex was not prepared to give up . He then immediately burned a new disc ( at a slightly different speed ) and the discs worked perfectly . So of course on the spot he burned the other two discs and obviously I was a very happy customer . I just wanted to let you know I received the CD . Thank you very much . The quality is excellent . The recording did include a small clip of my grandfather 's voice which was wonderful to hear . We have many more tapes in the family so I am going to compile them and get in touch with you regarding more conversions . Thanks for the dropbox links . I was extremely impressed with the sound quality of the audio cassette conversion . I will drop off some more audio cassettes and records sometime on the weekend . Your staff did an excellent job with the scanning and touching up of the old surveys and blueprints I brought to you for conversion . The digital files you conveniently emailed me were sharper than the originals and my two separate clients were quite impressed with the results . Going forward , you will be my exclusive source for such delicate and timely requests . Leaving that important work in your capable hands was a rewarding experience and I will be sure to refer many of my colleagues over to you . Seems like you 've got a winning and much - needed business model - see you around ! If you have any new customers that need a reference would be happy to provide anytime ( not that you need it ! ) . We have my mom 's 70th birthday celebration this week - end , and she will be viewing some footage that she has not seen in over 15 years . It will be worth every penny . Special thanks to Marc for the safe pickup and delivery of our many tapes , for the professional and courteous care , time and understanding , as I worked through the recent bereavement and our move from Toronto to Mississauga , all at the same time . It was most comforting and the end product most joyful . Finally , this past weekend was the surprise 80th birthday party for my children 's paternal Grandmother . That side of the family was overjoyed to view the wide variety of memories from over the years , and there were many tears of happiness at seeing the cherished memories . You and your crew have done a great job on the films . I am pleased with the results and will be recommending you to my friends . In reviewing the video it 's apparent you have cleaned and transferred it very well . The files are something I am able to work with for editing as my winter project . It is my hope that the memories will be enjoyed by many family generations for decades to come . I cannot THANK YOU enough ! These are priceless , and I hadn 't seen them for years . You could have charged ten times the amount and I would have been happy . I sincerely apologize for the delay in getting back to you ! The quality of the DVD 's were great . In addition I do appreciate that when dealing with you and Mark , you never made it feel as though we were just another conversion , but a person . I have referred a coworker to your company , hopefully she contacts you ! I was thrilled with the results of the VHS to DVD conversion of some very old family videos . Not only was I provided with a DVD copy , but I was also given the files on a USB key so that they could easily be shared with the other members of my family . With 4 VHS tapes to convert over , I was surprised at the quick turnaround time ( less than 7 days ) and the really great quality of work . Jen was a pleasure to deal with and wonderful at explaining the process to someone who really has no clue about all things technology related ! The entire experience was amazing and I have already recommended Digital Treasures to others . Thank you again ! Jen , I just wanted to take a few minutes to write that testimonial you had requested . Not sure how to post it to your page , so I 'm sending it this way instead , for you to post . I was thrilled with the results of the VHS to DVD conversion of some very old family videos . Not only was I provided with a DVD copy , but I was also given the files on a USB key so that they could easily be shared with the other members of my family . With 4 VHS tapes to convert over , I was surpised at the quick turn around time ( less than 7 days ) and the really great quality of work . Jen was a pleasure to deal with and wonderful at explaining the process to someone who really has no clue about all things technology related ! The entire experience was amazing and I have already recommended Digital Treasures to others . Thank you again ! ~ Kristin Mant I found the service at DT absolutely wonderful ! Though , it was a short notice to get the conversion done in time but you guys made it possible for me . Not only that , you made sure I had the at least the soft copy of final product with me for the event , which I felt was very relieving . Since I was away for my holidays , you accommodated my need of to have pick up my HDD upon my return . I didn 't feel under pressure . Though I made my payment good three weeks later than my order received date , you didn 't make me feel as if I was a delinquent client : ) Great to hear from you ! Yes , the grad film brought my friend to tears . It was a very touching gift made possible by you , and definitely very happy . The movie transfer also looked great - we haven 't had time to watch all of it but again it would not be possible without your help . Thanks so much ! I have been meaning to write back to you . We are extremely pleased with the results of your scanning , corrections and personal service . Definitely exceeds expectations ! Thanks much for your attention to the details . We will be in Toronto in the latter half of June and have already selected another group of slides to bring along . I 'll email you about that when time gets a bit closer . We are delighted with the quality of the scanned slides you did for us . I looked closely at a few that I would like to print and was happy to see that they would stand up to enlargement . The resolution , color , and cleanup was all well done . We have now gone through our own more recent slides with the intention of bringing them to you later this summer and are relieved to know that we will have these images preserved for the future . A thoroughly pleasant experience throughout . I copied it into my computer , then sent it on to my cousin in Ottawa , the official genealogist and family historian . She had never met my father , but became a big fan after reading a lot of his poetry . Seeing her own brother doing the TV interview was a big bonus . Cheers , Thanks for the follow up email , I managed to view the video briefly , I haven 't shown it to my team as yet because we have been extremely busy here and haven 't gotten everyone together to view , from what I saw the quality was as best as it could be given the age of the reel . The sound was excellent - you and Marc did a great job ; so thanks again . The service we received was very fast and professional , turnaround time was very good and I am pleased with the outcome . I am writing to thank you for transferring the Betamax Tapes . I couldn 't transfer them here in Egypt . So I was glad when Tess told me that they were transferred . It made me so happy to know that there are 11 hours of my mother 's show when she was a TV presenter , more than 30 years ago . I appreciate it so much . Thank you so much for your help . Just wanted to say thanks again for all of your help in creating these lasting memories for our family . My father was speechless tonight when he saw what you guys had done for him . . . the tears said it all ! We are extremely happy to have chosen you and will surely be recommending your services to friends and family members in need of something similar . Cheers ! I am very happy that on at least one of the negative pictures you put a before and after picture that you fixed up digitally . Clearly shows your skill . That 's the one showing a big US bomber on the ground . You did an amazing job . I can 't tell or see any sign of your repair . The original negative was in pretty bad condition . Really good job . You should put those two pictures on you web site to show what you can do with old 70 + year negatives . I think your customer 's would be impressed . Might get a few more clients for you . I was happy to find some mid 1970 's 8 mm film I then set out searching the net and I found Digital Treasures . Digital Treasures made the transition from old technology to digital technology a happy experience . Dealing with Digital Treasures I found them to care as much about my project as I did . It was comforting to know that I was shipping my treasure to someone that cared for it as much as I did . I was very happy when I received my film and a digital copy with some special needs that I had asked for fully intact and very well done . Hoping that I find some more of this footage I would not hesitate to use Digital Treasures in the future . The transfers were the biggest Christmas hit ; my folks were blown away by them and they were totally surprised . Plus , my wife was blindsided by our wedding video footage - which none of us had ever seen ( 9 years later … ) . Really special stuff . Thank you for your excellent personalized service . Since this was my first big project involving converting old slides - you were so helpful both in advising me with tips to make my photobook exactly how I envision and sharing my enthusiasm for the finished product . Your work on my old slides was excellent - creating superior quality digital images that we can store forever and create other projects . Your payment plan and follow up as efficient . Hi Jen . Yes the movie file arrived . It 's great . The final piece in my digital life : ) Did you receive the payment ? David is actively pursuing his albums and will have them shortly so he can get them ready for you to scan . My brother just received his copy of the pictures on a stick ( he 's in the army and was away until now ) so I 'm really excited to hear his reaction . Next year I will be making a slide show with these pics for my mom and dad 's memorial party . I honestly don 't think there is a single thing you could do better . I think you should try to stand apart from other companies that can be searched online . I think I picked your company because I like the name but I don 't remember any other detail from the website that made me chose you . I think people should know they are getting extra special service from people they can trust . But I guess any website can say that . I don 't know . I just feel lucky that I happened upon you . I 've told some people about your work with families living with Alzheimer 's and it 's been very impressive to every one I tell . So maybe that 's a discerning feature that tells who you are ? I guess customer testimonials work too . Talk soon , Jennifer Knez one of my oldest and dearest friends , I can 't thank you enough for the video you put together of my daughter Alessia Rose . Your creativity in collaborating and producing her life story through my most treasured photos and videos have touched my husband Rocco Renda and I on a level that you can 't imagine . I am so honoured and proud to have the video played at her function this Saturday November 9 , 2013 in front of 725 people . I came to you and your company , Digital Treasures , with such confidence that you would produce exactly what I wanted , instead you went over and above and superseded my every expectation ! I love it , and can 't wait to see the next production that your preparing for our Family . By the way Jennifer Knez , Alessia loves it and has made me watch it over and over and over again since Rocco Renda sent it to me . She is so proud of her video and says " look mommy , its me " . . . . Thank you Jen I 've just finished looking through the photos and am delighted . It is lovely to have them all on disk , and now on my hard drive . I will be sending off the disks to the others in the immediate future . Thanks you so much for your work ! You have done a good job . They all look so much better than the originals . I 'm thrilled , and I am sure everyone else will be too . Digital Treasures did a great job on converting my outdated video tapes to digital . They took the time to explain how to use the digital files and completed the work in a timely fashion . I highly recommend them to anybody who wants to move into the digital age with their home treasures . Thanks for the followup . Yes . . . there were some tears shed . . . but all - in - all , it was a wonderful experience . It was strange , but wonderful to hear my Mom 's voice for the first time in 15 years ! Mary and I wish to thank you for the great work you did in transferring the contents ( Super 8 tape of our children when they were little ) of an old , and poorly recorded VHS tape to a DVD and synchronizing a favourite music playlist with the video . You were very patient when we wanted to make changes and went to great lengths to make sure the music was exactly what we wanted . We were very pleased with the results and ordered a copy for each of our children to show to our grandchildren . Marc and Jen - your talents have created a digital family treasure . My sister - in - law loved the pictures . She said the quality was even better than the professional pictures they had done at their wedding . Thanks for your help in making this special gift . Recently I was looking for a company that would be able to convert a VHS tape to a DVD . I knew that the tape was old and may not even be in good enough shape to be copied . It was very important to me as it was a tape of my wife who had recently passed away . I found Digital Treasures on the Internet , contacted them and they assured me that they would do their best . The tape was in bad shape but they did a great job in copying what they could . I have since recommended their services to my daughter who also had a good experience with Digital Treasures . I would never hesitate to recommend their services . Jim Vedder I found my experience with Digital Treasures a real pleasure . I needed some slides and VHS movies put to DVD . So I searched the web and came to Digital Treasures . It attracted me because the site and picture gave me a feeling of trust and caring . I found this entrepreneurial young couple to be just that . Their service was fast and affordable . They guarantee their work because a glitch was quickly corrected . I was also impressed by their easy accessibility and friendliness to answer any questions . I wish every business had this personal touch of care and service . It 's a business like this that will succeed . Many thanks for transferring all of my family videos to dvds ! I truly appreciate your fast and efficient service . Not only did you save me time but you provided me with memories to cherish forever . The dvds were organized chronologically and labeled beautifully . Thank you for the special touches . I will definitely recommend Digital Treasures to friends and family . Thanks again for your prompt , professional service . My experience with Digital Treasures was extremely positive . Patient explanations were given for everything they did so that I was able to make informed decisions . The quality of the work was very good , and prices were reasonable . Jen and Marc were professional yet friendly every step of the way . Will definitely use their services again . I have had the satisfying experience of having Marc and Jen transfer many happy memories from tape to dvd . They are a delight to work with . The work was done expediently , with a personal touch and at a reasonable price . I am always keen to support local small business . I found Marc and Jen on the internet and immediately felt comfortable entrusting this work to their expertise . My instinct proved to be correct and I would not hesitate to recommend them to complete any of the wide variety of services they offer . Virginia Brooks I was very pleased to be able to watch videos again that were long since forgotten . I loved that I was able to share moments from my own childhood with my children . Thank you so very much Jen for the quick and excellent service when transferring my precious memories from archaic video cassette to the newer digital format . I want to thank Jen & Marc at Digital Treasures for transferring priceless memories from various forms of media to DVD 's . The service I received from the first phone call , was excellent . I didn 't even have to leave home . All my media was picked up at my front door . I received the disc 's a few weeks later . When I received the DVD 's , some of the media did not transfer in a format I could read , I called them to let them know , they redid the disc and sent me another copy within a week . I 'm sure that the problem with the first disc was my lack of knowledge , they re - did in a version I was familiar with . It was a pleasure speaking to you both and working with you . I have already spread the word . I highly recommend Digital Treasures , the level of customer service and workmanship is second to none . All the best . Jen was professional and a pleasure to work with from the very beginning . I have been sitting on a number of photos and films of family history for years . I had never had the opportunity to look at any of the video 's as we don 't own any of that technology . Because of the work Jen had done we watch our video 's and are able to look at my photo 's in a professional and easy book that we bring with us to share constantly . It 's great to share these memories with my sister 's and my children . I would recommend and advise everyone to take the time to utilize Jen 's services as what she did for me is magical and irreplaceable . A Charles I am very happy with the end - product and the service ; pick - up and delivery was easy and affordable , the care to keep my photos in order and to keep them separated in my chosen categories was lovely and the quality of the digital pictures great . My family very much enjoyed receiving these digital photos for Christmas . Thank you very much for making this happen I want to thank you for creating a beautiful book of memories of my glorious life with my now deceased husband . I don 't know if I will ever be able to put into words my joy and my husband 's joy when we received the book . You took a lifetime of wonderful events and showcased them in such a way that Billy and I were taken back to a place of peace and happiness . For this I am eternally grateful . I am sending out a note telling you about a service I discovered just in case you have the same need I did . In my early years of parenting , we took all our photos using a 35 mm camera and had photos produced in 35mm slide format . Up until the teen years of my kids we amassed boxes of slide carousels , which as you know are obsolete today and have taken up so much storage space . For the past two years I have thought about , and looked into various services for conversion / digitization but didn 't go any further . With my recent broken ankle and being ' cooped ' up , I took the time to cull my slides , and find a service that would digitize them . I am so pleased to recommend Jen and Marc Knez They took away 29 slide carousels ( after I culled ) , 13 old super - eight silent movies and 1 VHS gift someone had done of my kids , and digitized everything onto archive grade disks . Their work is great - and I have copies of everything on disks which I can now give my kids . You or your parents may have some old slides you 'd like to have digitized … . I encourage you to visit their website to look into what they can do . The video of our band will now be enjoyed by all of us for years to come . Thank you so much for getting the conversion done so quickly . I was able to load it onto my daughter 's laptop as soon as I got home . I would like to thank you guys for putting together the Digital Albums / Scrapbooks ( or whatever you want to call them ) of our family trip to Africa … It was fun working with you guys to create memories that will last a lifetime . It exceeded our expectations in terms of quality and professionalism and sits proudly on our coffee table ! Will Stratton I had a recent experience with Digital Treasures in which I feel very comfortable relating to anyone else considering using their services . Both Jen and Marc were very professional in their approach and in the quality of work that was performed . In addition to this they were both pleasant and courteous throughout the entire process . I have no hesitation in recommending their services and engagement . Thanks very much for quick turnaround . The service was very convenient and reasonably priced . I have already recommended your service to family and friends . They will get to experience the end product during the holidays when they are over . I think one of the most important aspects of the service you provide is the trust factor as clients are handing over ireplaceable family memories . You made me feel comfortable right from the start . Thanks again . I was so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of older photographs my family had , and they were never well organized . Jen at Digital Treasures took the time to learn who the people in our lives were , enhanced photos that were faded , blew up images that were important to us , and added some fantastic finishing touches to make our album personal and full of love . I would never in a million years have done this on my own - our family now has an " heirloom " of the last 70 years that is absolutely priceless . When I presented it to my father for his 61st birthday in March , he was so touched that he woke up that same night thinking about it to go through it again and again . Thank you Digital treasures for that amazing , perfect gift of memories . Jamie C
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Former expat , living in Texas after 10 1 / 2 years in Norway . Trying to decide the next steps . No matter what , the journey never stops . I will always be a traveler . Friday , August 31 , 2007 P8190384 . JPG , originally uploaded by karlakp . These are meat filled pierogis . W e had them quite a few times in Krakow . They go very well with beer . Do you see the little brown bits scattered on top ? Looks like fried garlic or something ? Well , at first we thought they were fried bits of potato , but the texture was not right for potato , too light , and a little squeaky on the teeth , . Not garlic . Nor onions . Hmm . . . . Then I realized what it was . I remember reading about it somewhere . And the flavor agreed with my discovery . Fried lard . It was crispy bits of lard that they sprinkled over the pierogis . I tried to convince myself it was just like bacon , but I couldn 't quite get there , it was a bit TOO piggy tasting , and I sort of lost the nibbly urge after that . Anyone having problems leaving comments here ? Haloscan seems to be disappearing again . I have noticed if you go away from the blog and then refresh when you come back , the comments miraculously reappear . So try that if you want to comment but there is no place for you to do so at the bottom of the post . The comments disappear with great frequency now , and I have no idea how to fix it , it 's not a blogger thing and there is nothing on Haloscan 's site about how to fix it either . I 'm wondering if there is some sort of non - compatibility issue with Macs ? It 's either that or no one likes me anymore ! Ok , I ask you this : If you ordered a beer , paid full price for it , and got only half a beer in return , you would complain , right ? You 'd be all , " Hey , I ordered and paid for a full beer , and you are only giving me half , what 's up ? " So what would you do if you ordered a full beer , paid for a full beer , got half a beer , and then when you complained they just shrugged their shoulders and said " Everyone is only getting half a beer right now , we are having problems in the company and you will just have to deal with it for a while . " You 'd go somewhere else for your beer , wouldn 't you ? Now exchange " beer " for " train transportation " . . . . which is only provided by one company in and around Oslo , and you can see that I have a definite problem in getting to work these days . http : / / www . aftenposten . no / english / local / article1963620 . ece So I am going to write them a letter . The one i mail them will be more formal , but here is the gist : Dear NSB . . . . Regarding your train scheduling problems : Trains are always late , these past few months , they don 't run in snow , cold , hot or rain , or when the signals are down . Now it 's lack of employees . Excuses excuses ! I should not be penalized because you did not plan your employee hiring more efficiently . It should not impact my day to day life that you can 't hang on to the employees you have . I pay VERY HIGH prices for my monthly train card ( over 200USD a month ) and for that I expect , at a minimum , trains to be at least within 10 minutes of their scheduled time or a clear and prompt explanation of why this is not happening if problems do crop up . If you can 't get enough people to drive the trains , how about offering some bus services ? Finding alternatives to transport us around ? Having tea and biscuits on the train platform to placate your many pissed - off customers ? If you can 't get the trains to run on time , if you are going to make me wait 40 minutes for late trains both to AND from work , I expect some sort of discount , rebate , or ass kissing apology . . Not only are you wasting my time , you areBrain farted by birds , originally uploaded by karlakp . the maelstrom of birds was flying over me and around me and everywhere and I literally just pointed my camera into the air without looking thru the viewfinder . . . and got this shot . I was worried about one of them hitting me or crapping on me ! When one has long hair , one learns that brushing teeth in the morning is a two handed affair , one hand brushing , one holding the hair back so that one does not spit into it . One has learned , today , that when one wears a blouse with a giant pussy cat bow on the front ( part of the Gap 's recent foray into CFDA fashion , which I got on wicked sale and am glad to get a chance to wear , except holy crap this bow just keeps GOING ) , that one needs an extra hand to hold the bow as well as the hair when brushing one 's teeth . Foamy toothpaste all over one 's clothing does NOT a fashion accessory make . Read and learn , people . read and learn . It 's like , 55 degrees outside . Fahrenheit , to you Europeans ( ok , really just Grant ) who bitch that I don 't use celcius . The thermometer outside says 12 c . In August . 55 in August . I never never never never never never never never NEVER EVER get used to that . In Texas the last weeks of August and into early September are when summer usually gives its full thrust of power , as if to say " I rule this joint and you will just have to SUFFER , bitches ! " I sweat and I sweat and that is what August is . Here , August ( usually right around the 24th ) is when Fall comes around and says , " Yep , you have been warm ( ish ) for a while now , but guess what , this is NORWAY and your wearing sandals and no socks is unnatural and I am going to remind you that this is a NORDIC country " . Enter cold wind and crisp air . Brr . Anyhow , today I am home from work as everyone is traveling to India ( except me ) and will be out of touch most of the day . This means I can stay home , visit that old bitch Aunt Flo and do a massive , much needed cleaning of the house . I even went to the store and bought cleaning stuff . Which is still sitting on the kitchen counter as I mess around online instead . But I promised myself i would be scrubbing by noon . . . so off I go . Cue dance music . . . . . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Update three hours later : Bedroom is so clean I can lick the floor . Complete washing of all bed linens , and even washed curtains . Master bath is spotless . Rich 's bathroom ( and why are boys so scary with the bathroom messes ? ) is now enter - able . I bleached the hell out of it , so at least I know the boy germs are somewhat at bay . ( Also nice is that Norwegian bathrooms have drains in the middle of the floor . . . so you can kind of hose down the bathroom with hot water from the shower sprayer . Instant clean , just spray with cleaner and rinse ! ) The entrance hall into the flat is clean . Floors scrubbed and washed . Now for the looong hallway and the kitchen . Then put some laundry away ( on third load , but it takes , like an hour and a half per load ) and later on collapse into nice hBrain farted by This weekend Rich and I attended a weekend getaway party hosted by the company I work for . At first I was not sure whether I would be able to attend due to tiredness from the week before , travel issues and other assorted lame excuses , but a coworker offered us a ride with her family and suddenly the way was clear for us to attend . And boy am I glad we did . The party was at a hotel on an island called Hankø , where apparently some of the royal family like to hang out . It 's your typical gorgeous Norwegain island , surrounded by saphhire blue water , emerald green trees , iron grey rugged rocks , hot and cold running moose and ( luckily for us ) the bright blue sky with only a few pearly white clouds . We knew Fall was coming , of course , and you could sort of feel it in the air , that indefinable crispness and sense of urgency that comes with the imminent arrival of Fall , but it was still warm enough in the sun that when we got there I really wished to hell I had brought some shorts . ( As I write this it is raining and SLEETING outside , so yeah , uh , bye bye summer . ) We arrived at Hankø from the short ferry ride to a lunch already prepared and waiting for us . And free booze ! Hmm . . . definitely a sign of a good weekend ahead . On to the hotel where there were a variety of activities on tap , including horse rides for the kids , rock climbing , yoga , bbq course , wine tasting course and other stuff . I was sort of wanting Group Nap Time , but that was not on the list , and our room was not yet ready , so instead we headed to the pool and jacuzzi for a bit of splashy fun . I loves me a hot tub . After swimming and then finally getting into our room , we met up for dinner at 7pm . I think the best description would be to call it a Meat Fiesta . There were , like , 7 kinds of grilled meat with all the trimmings plus wine , wine and more wine , plus champagne , and an open bar . Norwegians may not have big parties often , but when they do they go all out . ( Which is why they don 't have them often , it is REALLY expensive ! ) They are extremely generous hostBrain farted by That is one of the big headlines in today 's Aftenposten . I mean , holy crap ? We have had the WORST summer ever , and now they rip away whatever is left of it ? Man this SUCKS . I 've still got dresses to work through . Sandals to wear . Linens that have not seen the light of day . A straw hat that I never managed to use for sun protection . A deck chair that I have never used ONCE . I only wore a bathing suit ONCE this summer , for an hour , and that was the time I got horribly sunburned in Austin ! . . . . I guess that weekend in Poland was Summer 2007 for us . It was nice weather the whole time . Such a strange thing to think , for a Texan , that this Saturday , August 25th , is the last day of summer in Norway . Worst thing about it is , that the past few days have been GLORIOUS , but I have been absolutely swamped at work and can 't take time to enjoy it . I got over 100 emails today alone , at times coming in about one a minute , all requiring reply or action , and there was no way I could bugger off to enjoy the sun . The crunch will be over by Tuesday , but by then the good weather will be gone . Sigh . I 'm NOT ready for sweaters and boots . Not even close . I 've barely got my sandal callouses going on my feet ! view from hotel at night , originally uploaded by karlakp . We stayed in an area called Kazimierz , the old Jewish quarter . It is a very charming area , as old or older than old city Krakow . It 's in the midst of a regeneration . Our hotel was the Hotel Rubinstein , named after makeup magnate Helen Rubinstein who grew up on the street . From our room we could see over to Wawel Castle . There was an old water well with a hand pump in the middle of the street ( more like a square , really ) and people still used it for filling buckets and stuff ! cool kids outside the coffee house , originally uploaded by karlakp . this coffeehouse was an endless source of people watching goodness . never walked by without seeing a photo opportunity . Decent coffee , too . Definitely the place to see and be seen . But in a cool , Austin slacker kind of way . simple church , originally uploaded by karlakp . St Giles Church in Krakow , a very simple and lovely space . Not too Baroqued up , a style which is very common in former Eastern Europe . That baroque period kind of ruined alot of otherwise lovely spaces . ( I mean , Baroque is fine and all , but there is SO much of it and i hate to think of what they took out to make it all tarty with naked babies and plaster and gold curly cues everywhere . ) I like simple , where i can see the bones and the age . This church is a nice example of that . . . . . . There are tons more pictures at my flickr pages . Keep checking every week or so . cool stairs against yellow building , originally uploaded by karlakp . Krakow is an incredibly photogenic city . Reminds me of Prague , but not so touristy ( though still quite touristy ) . The main square ( Reynek Glowny ) is the biggest in Europe , an absolutely WONDERFUL space . Those medieval town planners sure knew how to create human spaces . WE could still follow their example today . Inside city hall tower , not built for tall people , originally uploaded by karlakp . Rich inside Krakow city hall tower . The attendants were sitting just to the right of the picture and were laughing their asses off as I took this photo . We wnjoy being never ending sources of amusement to the locals . P8180171 . JPG , originally uploaded by karlakp . This tower is all that is left of a vast City Hall built in the 14th century . We climbed up it , and let me tell you , it was a bit of a hike . My thighs are STILL sore . Hi . I 'm back from Poland , which was wonderful . And there I was , posting about it , when the fire alarm went off in our building , and not just in our building but in our FLAT with LARGE NOISES and FLASHING LIGHTS and so I had to bugger off down the stairs with the rest of the residents of the building ( me having just gotten comfy in my not - for - public - viewing nighties , so I threw on what ever I could find to wear that was on the floor , which was NOT a good look for me ) to await the fire brigade . Which never arrived as the fire alarm was , yet again , a false alarm . I grabbed only my purse , my iPod and my passport as I ran out of the flat , by the way . My neighbors had nothing , she had been taking a nap and her son was all " Dude , I totally was playing XBox ! " Poor kid . But my post went away . What with all the flashing and running and whatever , something happened and the internet turned off . I think ? I dunno . But bye bye post . And I don 't especially feel like redoing the post right now . Work has kicked in to serious overdrive , as well , so I am damned tired . And i had a scary experience at work . I even have a bruise to prove it . Must turn in safety report . But Poland was wonderful and I had a great birthday . And in totally unrelated news , I am not so sure that this is what I want my home state known for world - wide . Jeez . Well this summer is , and no pun intended , a total washout . I mean , holy crap , it 's done nothing but rain all summer , day in and day out , and now it 's August , and as strange as it sounds to people in The US ( especially Texas ) it 's starting to get chilly around here . A friend of mine yesterday ( as we sat outside , covered in the blankets that most outdoor cafes provide , huddled under an umbrella that is optimistically there for the sun , but also offers waterproofing ) said that ' summer was over ' , and I sort of believe her , depressing as that is . It 's about 56 degrees out there . And raining . And grey . Think of the dreariest fall day and you got it . Horrible . And it 's such a disappointment , because honestly , the most good days you can possibly get in Norway in summer is about 60 , spread out from early June to mid ( if you are lucky ) September . 60 days of glorious warmth and sun , if all is perfect . ( A perfect Norwegian summer day is a true thing of beauty , and missing out on them is like . . . like . . . getting told you are getting a puppy for Christmas and being handed stinky road kill instead . Disappointing as hell . And last summer was truly lovely , so I got spoiled and I Want More . ) This year , we had some nice days in early June , then . . . . shit . Raining , pissing , chilly , sad and dreary . So the 60 possible days dwindled and dwindled until now ? Well , all we can do is hope for some nice ' late summer days ' , which HAVE happened before , but I am not too hopeful . I 'm thinking , given that I have proven my mystical sway over space , time and weather , ( remember I bought a floor fan and deck chair and then it started raining ? I am VERY SORRY Norway ! ) that I am going to give in and buy some sort of plastic - y sports jacket , which I honestly detest . I am just NOT a sports clothes kind of gal , and those plastic hooded jackets with the multi colors and drawstrings , etc . just don 't work with my style . However , I am considering getting one ( hoping I can find a basic black one ) as I am tired of schlepping around a drippy umbrella everywhere . I amBrain farted by This weekend I : Took care of a very drunk Russian . Enjoyed the unforgettable image of a British man smoking an American cigarette using a woman 's toes as his cigarette holder . And in case you were wondering , no it was NOT my foot , though I was intrinsic in the cigarette placing and subsequent suggestion that the smoking take place thusly . Why yes , I am the naughty suggestion just waiting to happen . Thanks for asking . Went to a party at the home of a Scot . Who knew he could cook ? Was asked to dance by a Norwegian . . . . . . and a Swede . . . . . and another Brit . Shared in a toast with a Frenchman . Met a guy named Gorgeous . Snapped a photo of a British guy dropping trou . No I won 't post it . Yes he was wearing drawers . Drank Norwegian and English beer , Italian , French and German wine , and Russian vodka . It was almost peaceful getting back to work again after a weekend like that . I 'm taking it easy this week , party wise , as on Friday Rich and I go to Poland for my birthday . I hear the vodka is good there . Nine Inch Nails , originally uploaded by karlakp . That 's me giving the " rock n roll " sign and Hook Em Horns all at once . ) KICK ASS SHOW ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I think my outfit worked out pretty well . I added some fishnet tights to it , and as the evening wore on they got progressively holier , from jewelry snagging and general mistreatment by me . ( I never spend more on hose than I would be upset about from only wearing once , as I am legendarily hard on them . ) I think the holiness of the fishnets added to the feel of the outfit , eclectic sexy grown up Goth . ( Hopefully it came across that way and not just Old Tramp . ) It rained a couple hours before NIN came on , but we just stood under a tree and it was no problem . Everyone had their clear plastic ponchos , except me , but it really didn 't matter and it was just warm enough that standing around in a plastic bag would have just become a personal sauna , which was not appealing . Plus I bulletproofed my hair by having it in two little ponytails on the back of my head , so even if it did frizz , I wouldn 't have to deal with it in my face . I rather liked my hair like that , will keep doing it like that , as it 's easy care and simple . Oya Festival is an extremely well organized and planned event . I give wholehearted kudos to everyone who plans it . They covered practically the whole fairground with this white fabric flooring so that all the churning feet would not turn the grass into a mud pit . What a great idea ! It felt so clean ! The food area and drink stands were reasonably priced and well located . The food offerings were actually some of the best I have seen at a public event EVER in Norway . They had everything from crepes to burgers to curries to pizzas . Why can 't they have food like that at other events ? And as for stuff to drink , wine , beer , champagne , whatever , it was all there and ( for Norway ) very fairly priced . Me , Elaina and her boyfriend David chipped in on a litre ' bottle ' ( carton ) of a nice little Italian Sangiovese . Great solution for shared drinking . ( And oh my yes , I was snockeredKarla The cutest little boy ever , ready for his Western Adventure on the steam train . On Sunday we took a ride with our friends Keith and Gillian on a historic steam train . It 's called the Kroderbanen , and it 's a very old steam train with old restored cars , all lovingly taken care of and maintained by a very enthusiastic bunch of volunteers . On Sunday , unbeknown to us , they had a train robbery and Western day planned . At first I was all , " Aw come on , I am FROM the west , been there done that " , but honestly , it was really very well done . Norwegians do one helluva western train robbery , let me tell you . ( I only laughed hard once , when I learned one character was named " Deadwood Dick " . Huh huh huh . . . Beavis . ) We later found out 600 people showed up for the event , of which about 300 were kids . Kids going absolutely INSANE ALL DAY . It was cute . The robbers ran up and down the carriages , kidnapping ladies and then being chased by sheriffs . They even stopped the train and had a shootout , with really loud blanks and rifles and everything . It was cool . I was bummed that I did not wear my boots or hat , as I do have both , and this would have been a perfect day for me to indulge my Texanness . I enjoyed the train ride as well , I could feel the power of that one engine pulling all the cars . It felt very different from the trains I ride every day . The cars were comfortable , spacious and homey . And the countryside was stunningly beautiful . It was all worth the cost , as the day ended up costing about 3 times what I had expected . ( Eh , that 's Norway , though . ) For lunch we had a picnic by a lake . With a bit of Reisling wine and sandwiches , it was very nice . I posted more pictures below of the day , so check them out . P8050002 . JPG , originally uploaded by karlakp . These guys walked the length of the train showing off the big box of ' money ' to all the kids on the train , setting the scene for the robbery later . The kids were going INSANE . P8050031 . JPG , originally uploaded by karlakp . One of the bad guys running away . Or maybe he was a good guy ? I was never quite sure . P8050095 . JPG , originally uploaded by karlakp . This guy looked EXACTLY like Leonardo DiCaprio . I mean exact same eyes and everything . His job was to be the town drunk . At the end of the train ride he hung around with everyone getting off the train , wove around drinking from his bottle of hooch , played a mouth harp , posed for photos with kids ( but in a non - posey way , just sat there drunk ) and belched like there was no tomorrow . He was GREAT . He really added a bit of authenticity to the proceedings . he was a great drunk ! Brain farted by OK , so I think I have my wardrobe issues figured out for NIN at Oya festival tomorrow . I have been working different angles , and sort of waiting to see what the weather would do . Looks like it will be warm , possibly even hot ! I need to balance grown up sophistication with Goth , practical with edgy . Since it is an outdoor festival and I 'll be walking alot , I can 't really wear heels . Also , nothing dry cleanable , for obvious reasons . But I think I have it figured out . Black lace edged slip under a finely crocheted cotton spider webby dress , all knee length and narrow fitting , with a very wide black leather corset belt . Black leggings and my over the knee pointy toed yet miraculously flat leather boots . Just a little medieval in mood . ( So I can get medieval on someone 's ass if they mess with me ! ) I 'm hoping it will all be comfortable yet just edgy enough to make me feel NIN - y . Or whatever . I mean , I 've always listened to music on the darker side , and I 've always been an inner Goth , reading anything vampire or sort of occult , etc . , but never wore it , really , as I don 't like to assign myself only one look . There ARE the occasional days I don 't feel like black . But tomorrow ? Tomorrow is definitely a day to show my inner darkness . Thanks to everyone who emailed or posted suggestions ! Well , yesterday I was so pissed off that not even black was enough to register my anger , so I wound up wearing all red to the pub . Red crocheted skirt , red tank top , red sandals and red shooting from my eyes . My friend Kristen , bless her , got what I was doing right off the bat and said " So , black not enough , eh ? Going for the angry red ? " Damn , she is such a smart cookie , she always gets me . After a few attempts by the boys to warble " Lady in Red " , we got down to the serious business of drankin ' . A lady came by and gave us a flyer for the evening 's entertainment . Apparently her son ( as I learned later ) is a 15 year old blues prodigy named Krissy Matthews . As the pub usually has jazz musicians , I was rather pleased that we would have a change of pace ( plus I way prefer blues to jazz hands down any day ) . We continued on with our beers . We were sitting outside enjoying the last of the light and the warmth , which was rapidly receding , when suddenly these perfect blues riffs came tumbling out of the pub and into the chill night air . It was like Albert Collins walked in and set up shop . Holy shit that kid can play . I went inside and sat transfixed as a skinny British teenager ( with the face of a choir boy ) with a very old soul played his guts out . What I liked was that he didn 't pretend to be an ol ' black man from Miss ' ippi in 1923 , he did some of his own songs and sang about school day blues , and such . His voice will mature with time , but his playing was amazing . He kept making references to Austin Texas and Jimmy and Stevie Ray Vaughn and Omar and the Howlers and such , and I felt so proud to be from a place where the music is known world wide . I went up to him at one of his breaks and told him he needs to come and play Antone 's , they 'd love him in Austin , and he said he thought that might happen next year , bummer that Clifford died , but this weekend he was playing with Jimmy Vaughn and Omar and the Howlers at the Notodden Blues Festival . Well connected kid . ( I 'm always amazed how respected Austin music is here , and how itBrain farted by Remember when you were a kid and you were playing a game , like hide and seek or something , and something happened that no one could quite decide was fair or not , so someone yelled " Do Over ! " and you did it all over again and it was like the unfair thing never happened ? Can I have a do over for this week ? Can I please ? Somebody has to call it for me . . . . . Dave , I nominate you , just holler " DO OVER ! " and I can pretend that this week didn 't happen and I can have another chance at it . I am in a ROTTEN mood . Like , a wearing black , getting a tattoo , going to a dive biker bar and kickin ' some ass , rotten mood . A total don 't FUCK with the BABYSITTER mood . Of course , I am OLD , and not really much of a one for kickin ' ass , so now a rotten mood means getting my iPod out and listening to the MOST FUCKED UP ANGRY MUSIC I can find , and walking really fast ( when I was in Texas I would drive really fast for half and hour or so with the music cranked , but I sold the car and so now I have to walk , dammit ) and doing slightly , passive - aggressively mean things as I go along . Things like : Petting a kitten but rubbing its fur the wrong way so that it gets cranky . Making scary faces at babies ( when their moms aren 't looking ) and making them cry . Pulling a pretty flower out of the ground and stomping on it . Really hard . Spitting on baby birds . Noisy little fuckers anyhow . Flipping off nice old ladies , but only behind their backs when they aren 't looking . When a puppy rolls over for me to pet its tummy . . . . I don 't . Ha , take that ! Tossing thumbtacks into the road . Salting slugs . Littering . ( Biodegradable only , must think of the earth . ) I know , I KNOW , I am a holy terror , but that 's how I roll , yo . You shoulda seen me when I was younger and I not so responsible . Then I littered PLASTIC . Uh huh , yeah . . . . . . . how you like me now , biatches . Now excuse me while I go find something black and scary to wear to the pub . When I was in the US I bought THE most comfortable underwear EVER and have been wearing them non stop . So today , when I was at work , I just could NOT figure out why my new , much loved , comfy underwear was SO damned annoying . It pinched , it grabbed , it twisted , it crawled WAY the hell up into the no go zone , it did everything it could to turn itself into an oversized , way too much fabric thong . Did I get a bad pair ? Was this like the rotten egg of the bunch ? What the hell was wrong ? I got home and changed out of my work clothes and that 's when I discovered . . . . oh . Yeah . If you put your underwear on not only inside out but BACKWARDS , they tend not to fit so well . I really need to work on opening my eyes a bit more when I am getting dressed . Today on the train I noticed a new sign posted in the official NSB information area . Normally whatever is posted in this area relates to transportation or train schedules , so I was rather surprised at the topic of this particular poster . The sign is in four languages : Norwegian , English , Somali and Arabic . It is a reminder that in Norway , female circumcision is not only illegal , it is also harmful and is NOT a requirement in ANY religion . It is illegal to perfrom this ' procedure ' not only in Norway , but if you are resident in Norway , it 's illegal to take your daughter out of the country to have it performed . This is a pretty sobering thing to be faced with first thing in the morning on the trains , let me tell you . It 's been quite the issue lately . It 's also a fairly telling side effect of the immigration occurring everywhere . I know Americans are all up in arms about immigration in the US , but believe me when I say every country has its problems . And here , we have some pretty unique issues going on , as Norway is fairly new to immigration on a large ongoing scale ( unlike the ' melting pot ' of the US where we are ALL immigrants of some sort ) . Norway until the 70 's was always a fairly quiet country left to its own devices . From what everyone 's told me , it was a quiet backwater above Europe , poor and rurally based . Now , with the new wealth and generous benefits programs , there are all these new people coming in and they all carry their own societal norms which don 't always mesh so well with the tolerant atmosphere around here . Like , female circumcision . To veil or not to veil . Arranged marriages or not ? It 's a mine field of cultural education , tolerance and mutual understanding . I 'm not sure where I stand with it all . My gut feeling is that if you are going to move to a country you should do your best to fit in , while somehow also holding on to your roots . I know this is not easy . Be a productive member of society and try to add to the culture as best you can . Get a job , pay into the system , try to get to know some peKarla All words and pictures here are mine . Don 't steal them , it 's not nice . In other words , COPYRIGHTED . Picture Window theme . Powered by Blogger .
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Former expat , living in Texas after 10 1 / 2 years in Norway . Trying to decide the next steps . No matter what , the journey never stops . I will always be a traveler . Friday , August 31 , 2007 P8190384 . JPG , originally uploaded by karlakp . These are meat filled pierogis . W e had them quite a few times in Krakow . They go very well with beer . Do you see the little brown bits scattered on top ? Looks like fried garlic or something ? Well , at first we thought they were fried bits of potato , but the texture was not right for potato , too light , and a little squeaky on the teeth , . Not garlic . Nor onions . Hmm . . . . Then I realized what it was . I remember reading about it somewhere . And the flavor agreed with my discovery . Fried lard . It was crispy bits of lard that they sprinkled over the pierogis . I tried to convince myself it was just like bacon , but I couldn 't quite get there , it was a bit TOO piggy tasting , and I sort of lost the nibbly urge after that . Anyone having problems leaving comments here ? Haloscan seems to be disappearing again . I have noticed if you go away from the blog and then refresh when you come back , the comments miraculously reappear . So try that if you want to comment but there is no place for you to do so at the bottom of the post . The comments disappear with great frequency now , and I have no idea how to fix it , it 's not a blogger thing and there is nothing on Haloscan 's site about how to fix it either . I 'm wondering if there is some sort of non - compatibility issue with Macs ? It 's either that or no one likes me anymore ! Ok , I ask you this : If you ordered a beer , paid full price for it , and got only half a beer in return , you would complain , right ? You 'd be all , " Hey , I ordered and paid for a full beer , and you are only giving me half , what 's up ? " So what would you do if you ordered a full beer , paid for a full beer , got half a beer , and then when you complained they just shrugged their shoulders and said " Everyone is only getting half a beer right now , we are having problems in the company and you will just have to deal with it for a while . " You 'd go somewhere else for your beer , wouldn 't you ? Now exchange " beer " for " train transportation " . . . . which is only provided by one company in and around Oslo , and you can see that I have a definite problem in getting to work these days . http : / / www . aftenposten . no / english / local / article1963620 . ece So I am going to write them a letter . The one i mail them will be more formal , but here is the gist : Dear NSB . . . . Regarding your train scheduling problems : Trains are always late , these past few months , they don 't run in snow , cold , hot or rain , or when the signals are down . Now it 's lack of employees . Excuses excuses ! I should not be penalized because you did not plan your employee hiring more efficiently . It should not impact my day to day life that you can 't hang on to the employees you have . I pay VERY HIGH prices for my monthly train card ( over 200USD a month ) and for that I expect , at a minimum , trains to be at least within 10 minutes of their scheduled time or a clear and prompt explanation of why this is not happening if problems do crop up . If you can 't get enough people to drive the trains , how about offering some bus services ? Finding alternatives to transport us around ? Having tea and biscuits on the train platform to placate your many pissed - off customers ? If you can 't get the trains to run on time , if you are going to make me wait 40 minutes for late trains both to AND from work , I expect some sort of discount , rebate , or ass kissing apology . . Not only are you wasting my time , you areBrain farted by birds , originally uploaded by karlakp . the maelstrom of birds was flying over me and around me and everywhere and I literally just pointed my camera into the air without looking thru the viewfinder . . . and got this shot . I was worried about one of them hitting me or crapping on me ! When one has long hair , one learns that brushing teeth in the morning is a two handed affair , one hand brushing , one holding the hair back so that one does not spit into it . One has learned , today , that when one wears a blouse with a giant pussy cat bow on the front ( part of the Gap 's recent foray into CFDA fashion , which I got on wicked sale and am glad to get a chance to wear , except holy crap this bow just keeps GOING ) , that one needs an extra hand to hold the bow as well as the hair when brushing one 's teeth . Foamy toothpaste all over one 's clothing does NOT a fashion accessory make . Read and learn , people . read and learn . It 's like , 55 degrees outside . Fahrenheit , to you Europeans ( ok , really just Grant ) who bitch that I don 't use celcius . The thermometer outside says 12 c . In August . 55 in August . I never never never never never never never never NEVER EVER get used to that . In Texas the last weeks of August and into early September are when summer usually gives its full thrust of power , as if to say " I rule this joint and you will just have to SUFFER , bitches ! " I sweat and I sweat and that is what August is . Here , August ( usually right around the 24th ) is when Fall comes around and says , " Yep , you have been warm ( ish ) for a while now , but guess what , this is NORWAY and your wearing sandals and no socks is unnatural and I am going to remind you that this is a NORDIC country " . Enter cold wind and crisp air . Brr . Anyhow , today I am home from work as everyone is traveling to India ( except me ) and will be out of touch most of the day . This means I can stay home , visit that old bitch Aunt Flo and do a massive , much needed cleaning of the house . I even went to the store and bought cleaning stuff . Which is still sitting on the kitchen counter as I mess around online instead . But I promised myself i would be scrubbing by noon . . . so off I go . Cue dance music . . . . . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Update three hours later : Bedroom is so clean I can lick the floor . Complete washing of all bed linens , and even washed curtains . Master bath is spotless . Rich 's bathroom ( and why are boys so scary with the bathroom messes ? ) is now enter - able . I bleached the hell out of it , so at least I know the boy germs are somewhat at bay . ( Also nice is that Norwegian bathrooms have drains in the middle of the floor . . . so you can kind of hose down the bathroom with hot water from the shower sprayer . Instant clean , just spray with cleaner and rinse ! ) The entrance hall into the flat is clean . Floors scrubbed and washed . Now for the looong hallway and the kitchen . Then put some laundry away ( on third load , but it takes , like an hour and a half per load ) and later on collapse into nice hBrain farted by This weekend Rich and I attended a weekend getaway party hosted by the company I work for . At first I was not sure whether I would be able to attend due to tiredness from the week before , travel issues and other assorted lame excuses , but a coworker offered us a ride with her family and suddenly the way was clear for us to attend . And boy am I glad we did . The party was at a hotel on an island called Hankø , where apparently some of the royal family like to hang out . It 's your typical gorgeous Norwegain island , surrounded by saphhire blue water , emerald green trees , iron grey rugged rocks , hot and cold running moose and ( luckily for us ) the bright blue sky with only a few pearly white clouds . We knew Fall was coming , of course , and you could sort of feel it in the air , that indefinable crispness and sense of urgency that comes with the imminent arrival of Fall , but it was still warm enough in the sun that when we got there I really wished to hell I had brought some shorts . ( As I write this it is raining and SLEETING outside , so yeah , uh , bye bye summer . ) We arrived at Hankø from the short ferry ride to a lunch already prepared and waiting for us . And free booze ! Hmm . . . definitely a sign of a good weekend ahead . On to the hotel where there were a variety of activities on tap , including horse rides for the kids , rock climbing , yoga , bbq course , wine tasting course and other stuff . I was sort of wanting Group Nap Time , but that was not on the list , and our room was not yet ready , so instead we headed to the pool and jacuzzi for a bit of splashy fun . I loves me a hot tub . After swimming and then finally getting into our room , we met up for dinner at 7pm . I think the best description would be to call it a Meat Fiesta . There were , like , 7 kinds of grilled meat with all the trimmings plus wine , wine and more wine , plus champagne , and an open bar . Norwegians may not have big parties often , but when they do they go all out . ( Which is why they don 't have them often , it is REALLY expensive ! ) They are extremely generous hostBrain farted by That is one of the big headlines in today 's Aftenposten . I mean , holy crap ? We have had the WORST summer ever , and now they rip away whatever is left of it ? Man this SUCKS . I 've still got dresses to work through . Sandals to wear . Linens that have not seen the light of day . A straw hat that I never managed to use for sun protection . A deck chair that I have never used ONCE . I only wore a bathing suit ONCE this summer , for an hour , and that was the time I got horribly sunburned in Austin ! . . . . I guess that weekend in Poland was Summer 2007 for us . It was nice weather the whole time . Such a strange thing to think , for a Texan , that this Saturday , August 25th , is the last day of summer in Norway . Worst thing about it is , that the past few days have been GLORIOUS , but I have been absolutely swamped at work and can 't take time to enjoy it . I got over 100 emails today alone , at times coming in about one a minute , all requiring reply or action , and there was no way I could bugger off to enjoy the sun . The crunch will be over by Tuesday , but by then the good weather will be gone . Sigh . I 'm NOT ready for sweaters and boots . Not even close . I 've barely got my sandal callouses going on my feet ! view from hotel at night , originally uploaded by karlakp . We stayed in an area called Kazimierz , the old Jewish quarter . It is a very charming area , as old or older than old city Krakow . It 's in the midst of a regeneration . Our hotel was the Hotel Rubinstein , named after makeup magnate Helen Rubinstein who grew up on the street . From our room we could see over to Wawel Castle . There was an old water well with a hand pump in the middle of the street ( more like a square , really ) and people still used it for filling buckets and stuff ! cool kids outside the coffee house , originally uploaded by karlakp . this coffeehouse was an endless source of people watching goodness . never walked by without seeing a photo opportunity . Decent coffee , too . Definitely the place to see and be seen . But in a cool , Austin slacker kind of way . simple church , originally uploaded by karlakp . St Giles Church in Krakow , a very simple and lovely space . Not too Baroqued up , a style which is very common in former Eastern Europe . That baroque period kind of ruined alot of otherwise lovely spaces . ( I mean , Baroque is fine and all , but there is SO much of it and i hate to think of what they took out to make it all tarty with naked babies and plaster and gold curly cues everywhere . ) I like simple , where i can see the bones and the age . This church is a nice example of that . . . . . . There are tons more pictures at my flickr pages . Keep checking every week or so . cool stairs against yellow building , originally uploaded by karlakp . Krakow is an incredibly photogenic city . Reminds me of Prague , but not so touristy ( though still quite touristy ) . The main square ( Reynek Glowny ) is the biggest in Europe , an absolutely WONDERFUL space . Those medieval town planners sure knew how to create human spaces . WE could still follow their example today . Inside city hall tower , not built for tall people , originally uploaded by karlakp . Rich inside Krakow city hall tower . The attendants were sitting just to the right of the picture and were laughing their asses off as I took this photo . We wnjoy being never ending sources of amusement to the locals . P8180171 . JPG , originally uploaded by karlakp . This tower is all that is left of a vast City Hall built in the 14th century . We climbed up it , and let me tell you , it was a bit of a hike . My thighs are STILL sore . Hi . I 'm back from Poland , which was wonderful . And there I was , posting about it , when the fire alarm went off in our building , and not just in our building but in our FLAT with LARGE NOISES and FLASHING LIGHTS and so I had to bugger off down the stairs with the rest of the residents of the building ( me having just gotten comfy in my not - for - public - viewing nighties , so I threw on what ever I could find to wear that was on the floor , which was NOT a good look for me ) to await the fire brigade . Which never arrived as the fire alarm was , yet again , a false alarm . I grabbed only my purse , my iPod and my passport as I ran out of the flat , by the way . My neighbors had nothing , she had been taking a nap and her son was all " Dude , I totally was playing XBox ! " Poor kid . But my post went away . What with all the flashing and running and whatever , something happened and the internet turned off . I think ? I dunno . But bye bye post . And I don 't especially feel like redoing the post right now . Work has kicked in to serious overdrive , as well , so I am damned tired . And i had a scary experience at work . I even have a bruise to prove it . Must turn in safety report . But Poland was wonderful and I had a great birthday . And in totally unrelated news , I am not so sure that this is what I want my home state known for world - wide . Jeez . Well this summer is , and no pun intended , a total washout . I mean , holy crap , it 's done nothing but rain all summer , day in and day out , and now it 's August , and as strange as it sounds to people in The US ( especially Texas ) it 's starting to get chilly around here . A friend of mine yesterday ( as we sat outside , covered in the blankets that most outdoor cafes provide , huddled under an umbrella that is optimistically there for the sun , but also offers waterproofing ) said that ' summer was over ' , and I sort of believe her , depressing as that is . It 's about 56 degrees out there . And raining . And grey . Think of the dreariest fall day and you got it . Horrible . And it 's such a disappointment , because honestly , the most good days you can possibly get in Norway in summer is about 60 , spread out from early June to mid ( if you are lucky ) September . 60 days of glorious warmth and sun , if all is perfect . ( A perfect Norwegian summer day is a true thing of beauty , and missing out on them is like . . . like . . . getting told you are getting a puppy for Christmas and being handed stinky road kill instead . Disappointing as hell . And last summer was truly lovely , so I got spoiled and I Want More . ) This year , we had some nice days in early June , then . . . . shit . Raining , pissing , chilly , sad and dreary . So the 60 possible days dwindled and dwindled until now ? Well , all we can do is hope for some nice ' late summer days ' , which HAVE happened before , but I am not too hopeful . I 'm thinking , given that I have proven my mystical sway over space , time and weather , ( remember I bought a floor fan and deck chair and then it started raining ? I am VERY SORRY Norway ! ) that I am going to give in and buy some sort of plastic - y sports jacket , which I honestly detest . I am just NOT a sports clothes kind of gal , and those plastic hooded jackets with the multi colors and drawstrings , etc . just don 't work with my style . However , I am considering getting one ( hoping I can find a basic black one ) as I am tired of schlepping around a drippy umbrella everywhere . I amBrain farted by This weekend I : Took care of a very drunk Russian . Enjoyed the unforgettable image of a British man smoking an American cigarette using a woman 's toes as his cigarette holder . And in case you were wondering , no it was NOT my foot , though I was intrinsic in the cigarette placing and subsequent suggestion that the smoking take place thusly . Why yes , I am the naughty suggestion just waiting to happen . Thanks for asking . Went to a party at the home of a Scot . Who knew he could cook ? Was asked to dance by a Norwegian . . . . . . and a Swede . . . . . and another Brit . Shared in a toast with a Frenchman . Met a guy named Gorgeous . Snapped a photo of a British guy dropping trou . No I won 't post it . Yes he was wearing drawers . Drank Norwegian and English beer , Italian , French and German wine , and Russian vodka . It was almost peaceful getting back to work again after a weekend like that . I 'm taking it easy this week , party wise , as on Friday Rich and I go to Poland for my birthday . I hear the vodka is good there . Nine Inch Nails , originally uploaded by karlakp . That 's me giving the " rock n roll " sign and Hook Em Horns all at once . ) KICK ASS SHOW ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I think my outfit worked out pretty well . I added some fishnet tights to it , and as the evening wore on they got progressively holier , from jewelry snagging and general mistreatment by me . ( I never spend more on hose than I would be upset about from only wearing once , as I am legendarily hard on them . ) I think the holiness of the fishnets added to the feel of the outfit , eclectic sexy grown up Goth . ( Hopefully it came across that way and not just Old Tramp . ) It rained a couple hours before NIN came on , but we just stood under a tree and it was no problem . Everyone had their clear plastic ponchos , except me , but it really didn 't matter and it was just warm enough that standing around in a plastic bag would have just become a personal sauna , which was not appealing . Plus I bulletproofed my hair by having it in two little ponytails on the back of my head , so even if it did frizz , I wouldn 't have to deal with it in my face . I rather liked my hair like that , will keep doing it like that , as it 's easy care and simple . Oya Festival is an extremely well organized and planned event . I give wholehearted kudos to everyone who plans it . They covered practically the whole fairground with this white fabric flooring so that all the churning feet would not turn the grass into a mud pit . What a great idea ! It felt so clean ! The food area and drink stands were reasonably priced and well located . The food offerings were actually some of the best I have seen at a public event EVER in Norway . They had everything from crepes to burgers to curries to pizzas . Why can 't they have food like that at other events ? And as for stuff to drink , wine , beer , champagne , whatever , it was all there and ( for Norway ) very fairly priced . Me , Elaina and her boyfriend David chipped in on a litre ' bottle ' ( carton ) of a nice little Italian Sangiovese . Great solution for shared drinking . ( And oh my yes , I was snockeredKarla The cutest little boy ever , ready for his Western Adventure on the steam train . On Sunday we took a ride with our friends Keith and Gillian on a historic steam train . It 's called the Kroderbanen , and it 's a very old steam train with old restored cars , all lovingly taken care of and maintained by a very enthusiastic bunch of volunteers . On Sunday , unbeknown to us , they had a train robbery and Western day planned . At first I was all , " Aw come on , I am FROM the west , been there done that " , but honestly , it was really very well done . Norwegians do one helluva western train robbery , let me tell you . ( I only laughed hard once , when I learned one character was named " Deadwood Dick " . Huh huh huh . . . Beavis . ) We later found out 600 people showed up for the event , of which about 300 were kids . Kids going absolutely INSANE ALL DAY . It was cute . The robbers ran up and down the carriages , kidnapping ladies and then being chased by sheriffs . They even stopped the train and had a shootout , with really loud blanks and rifles and everything . It was cool . I was bummed that I did not wear my boots or hat , as I do have both , and this would have been a perfect day for me to indulge my Texanness . I enjoyed the train ride as well , I could feel the power of that one engine pulling all the cars . It felt very different from the trains I ride every day . The cars were comfortable , spacious and homey . And the countryside was stunningly beautiful . It was all worth the cost , as the day ended up costing about 3 times what I had expected . ( Eh , that 's Norway , though . ) For lunch we had a picnic by a lake . With a bit of Reisling wine and sandwiches , it was very nice . I posted more pictures below of the day , so check them out . P8050002 . JPG , originally uploaded by karlakp . These guys walked the length of the train showing off the big box of ' money ' to all the kids on the train , setting the scene for the robbery later . The kids were going INSANE . P8050031 . JPG , originally uploaded by karlakp . One of the bad guys running away . Or maybe he was a good guy ? I was never quite sure . P8050095 . JPG , originally uploaded by karlakp . This guy looked EXACTLY like Leonardo DiCaprio . I mean exact same eyes and everything . His job was to be the town drunk . At the end of the train ride he hung around with everyone getting off the train , wove around drinking from his bottle of hooch , played a mouth harp , posed for photos with kids ( but in a non - posey way , just sat there drunk ) and belched like there was no tomorrow . He was GREAT . He really added a bit of authenticity to the proceedings . he was a great drunk ! Brain farted by OK , so I think I have my wardrobe issues figured out for NIN at Oya festival tomorrow . I have been working different angles , and sort of waiting to see what the weather would do . Looks like it will be warm , possibly even hot ! I need to balance grown up sophistication with Goth , practical with edgy . Since it is an outdoor festival and I 'll be walking alot , I can 't really wear heels . Also , nothing dry cleanable , for obvious reasons . But I think I have it figured out . Black lace edged slip under a finely crocheted cotton spider webby dress , all knee length and narrow fitting , with a very wide black leather corset belt . Black leggings and my over the knee pointy toed yet miraculously flat leather boots . Just a little medieval in mood . ( So I can get medieval on someone 's ass if they mess with me ! ) I 'm hoping it will all be comfortable yet just edgy enough to make me feel NIN - y . Or whatever . I mean , I 've always listened to music on the darker side , and I 've always been an inner Goth , reading anything vampire or sort of occult , etc . , but never wore it , really , as I don 't like to assign myself only one look . There ARE the occasional days I don 't feel like black . But tomorrow ? Tomorrow is definitely a day to show my inner darkness . Thanks to everyone who emailed or posted suggestions ! Well , yesterday I was so pissed off that not even black was enough to register my anger , so I wound up wearing all red to the pub . Red crocheted skirt , red tank top , red sandals and red shooting from my eyes . My friend Kristen , bless her , got what I was doing right off the bat and said " So , black not enough , eh ? Going for the angry red ? " Damn , she is such a smart cookie , she always gets me . After a few attempts by the boys to warble " Lady in Red " , we got down to the serious business of drankin ' . A lady came by and gave us a flyer for the evening 's entertainment . Apparently her son ( as I learned later ) is a 15 year old blues prodigy named Krissy Matthews . As the pub usually has jazz musicians , I was rather pleased that we would have a change of pace ( plus I way prefer blues to jazz hands down any day ) . We continued on with our beers . We were sitting outside enjoying the last of the light and the warmth , which was rapidly receding , when suddenly these perfect blues riffs came tumbling out of the pub and into the chill night air . It was like Albert Collins walked in and set up shop . Holy shit that kid can play . I went inside and sat transfixed as a skinny British teenager ( with the face of a choir boy ) with a very old soul played his guts out . What I liked was that he didn 't pretend to be an ol ' black man from Miss ' ippi in 1923 , he did some of his own songs and sang about school day blues , and such . His voice will mature with time , but his playing was amazing . He kept making references to Austin Texas and Jimmy and Stevie Ray Vaughn and Omar and the Howlers and such , and I felt so proud to be from a place where the music is known world wide . I went up to him at one of his breaks and told him he needs to come and play Antone 's , they 'd love him in Austin , and he said he thought that might happen next year , bummer that Clifford died , but this weekend he was playing with Jimmy Vaughn and Omar and the Howlers at the Notodden Blues Festival . Well connected kid . ( I 'm always amazed how respected Austin music is here , and how itBrain farted by Remember when you were a kid and you were playing a game , like hide and seek or something , and something happened that no one could quite decide was fair or not , so someone yelled " Do Over ! " and you did it all over again and it was like the unfair thing never happened ? Can I have a do over for this week ? Can I please ? Somebody has to call it for me . . . . . Dave , I nominate you , just holler " DO OVER ! " and I can pretend that this week didn 't happen and I can have another chance at it . I am in a ROTTEN mood . Like , a wearing black , getting a tattoo , going to a dive biker bar and kickin ' some ass , rotten mood . A total don 't FUCK with the BABYSITTER mood . Of course , I am OLD , and not really much of a one for kickin ' ass , so now a rotten mood means getting my iPod out and listening to the MOST FUCKED UP ANGRY MUSIC I can find , and walking really fast ( when I was in Texas I would drive really fast for half and hour or so with the music cranked , but I sold the car and so now I have to walk , dammit ) and doing slightly , passive - aggressively mean things as I go along . Things like : Petting a kitten but rubbing its fur the wrong way so that it gets cranky . Making scary faces at babies ( when their moms aren 't looking ) and making them cry . Pulling a pretty flower out of the ground and stomping on it . Really hard . Spitting on baby birds . Noisy little fuckers anyhow . Flipping off nice old ladies , but only behind their backs when they aren 't looking . When a puppy rolls over for me to pet its tummy . . . . I don 't . Ha , take that ! Tossing thumbtacks into the road . Salting slugs . Littering . ( Biodegradable only , must think of the earth . ) I know , I KNOW , I am a holy terror , but that 's how I roll , yo . You shoulda seen me when I was younger and I not so responsible . Then I littered PLASTIC . Uh huh , yeah . . . . . . . how you like me now , biatches . Now excuse me while I go find something black and scary to wear to the pub . When I was in the US I bought THE most comfortable underwear EVER and have been wearing them non stop . So today , when I was at work , I just could NOT figure out why my new , much loved , comfy underwear was SO damned annoying . It pinched , it grabbed , it twisted , it crawled WAY the hell up into the no go zone , it did everything it could to turn itself into an oversized , way too much fabric thong . Did I get a bad pair ? Was this like the rotten egg of the bunch ? What the hell was wrong ? I got home and changed out of my work clothes and that 's when I discovered . . . . oh . Yeah . If you put your underwear on not only inside out but BACKWARDS , they tend not to fit so well . I really need to work on opening my eyes a bit more when I am getting dressed . Today on the train I noticed a new sign posted in the official NSB information area . Normally whatever is posted in this area relates to transportation or train schedules , so I was rather surprised at the topic of this particular poster . The sign is in four languages : Norwegian , English , Somali and Arabic . It is a reminder that in Norway , female circumcision is not only illegal , it is also harmful and is NOT a requirement in ANY religion . It is illegal to perfrom this ' procedure ' not only in Norway , but if you are resident in Norway , it 's illegal to take your daughter out of the country to have it performed . This is a pretty sobering thing to be faced with first thing in the morning on the trains , let me tell you . It 's been quite the issue lately . It 's also a fairly telling side effect of the immigration occurring everywhere . I know Americans are all up in arms about immigration in the US , but believe me when I say every country has its problems . And here , we have some pretty unique issues going on , as Norway is fairly new to immigration on a large ongoing scale ( unlike the ' melting pot ' of the US where we are ALL immigrants of some sort ) . Norway until the 70 's was always a fairly quiet country left to its own devices . From what everyone 's told me , it was a quiet backwater above Europe , poor and rurally based . Now , with the new wealth and generous benefits programs , there are all these new people coming in and they all carry their own societal norms which don 't always mesh so well with the tolerant atmosphere around here . Like , female circumcision . To veil or not to veil . Arranged marriages or not ? It 's a mine field of cultural education , tolerance and mutual understanding . I 'm not sure where I stand with it all . My gut feeling is that if you are going to move to a country you should do your best to fit in , while somehow also holding on to your roots . I know this is not easy . Be a productive member of society and try to add to the culture as best you can . Get a job , pay into the system , try to get to know some peKarla All words and pictures here are mine . Don 't steal them , it 's not nice . In other words , COPYRIGHTED . Picture Window theme . Powered by Blogger .
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I 'm really partial to the color scheme of the cover . Darker and gloomier blues are my aesthetic , for sure . There 's a sense of mystery about it that feels perfectly phantasmal - and of course , the skyline of London sells me right there ! Seeing is believing , and believing is seeing … London in the year 1890 is smitten with the dark and the curious . Nothing fazes sixteen - year - old Willow Winchester . Not only has she been raised as " Will " instead of " Willow " since her mother 's disappearance , a simple ruse and one that makes life a lot easier most of the time , but for as long as she can remember she 's been the indiscriminate witness to the extracurricular goings - on of what she calls the Missing - ghosts . But no one has ever treated it like a good thing until the Black Cross Ministry of Mysterious Occurrences . After accidentally interrupting a Black Cross ghost hunt , Willow takes up the investigators ' offer to work with them , keeping peace between London 's living and dead . In pursuit of a purpose for her supernatural gifts … and whatever the Black Cross knows about her estranged mother … Willow learns to investigate hauntings with a patchwork team who quickly become her new family . But some of the dead aren 't just Missing - they 're the spirits of murder victims , and they 're missing from public records , too ! Together with her teammates , Willow struggles to piece together clues in the victims ' memories . But can they discover the villain 's identity in time to stop him before Willow falls right into his hands , herself ? Excerpt I made my rounds , weaving to and fro between the back and front drawing rooms , sporting a flashy waistcoat with silver - thread embroidery and carrying propped against my side a tray of treats , Brandy , and smoking pipes laced with the good powder . It was a little too heavy for me to display in one hand . My father had no butler , but nobody cared about proper serving decorum here , and the outrageousness of it all was just part of the fun . " Look at you , Will , all dapper . But your collar 's crooked - " Mr . Shelby , the editor for a rather popular serial magazine , stretched from a chair to straighten my collar . I paused just long enough to accept his kindness before passing a Brandy his way . " Make room , make room … " Dr . Lowells said under a chuckle , parting some other men with whom he mingled near the mantle so I could slip through . One of the men snatched a pipe off my tray . Long after dinner now , the townhouse was full of laughter and tobacco smoke , pretty girls and lonely gentlemen . A Berliner in the back drawing room spewed a lighthearted German opera . The violent chatter of billiards echoed from the other reception room , along with bellowing voices sloshing together with ladies ' praise like champagne in glistening stemware . God knew what sort of oppression or repression or depression or humdrum Hyde Park persuasion drove men to rent a night 's companion , but bankers , scholars , bachelors , and even aristocrats sometimes , all paid an awful lot of money for an evening with one my father 's girls . Then there was the occasional set of eyes that followed me around the place more than they followed any of my father 's girls - like tonight , a man with hair so slicked it looked like polished wood in the lamplight . I caught him staring twice and he looked away as soon as I did . The third time , his hand twitched and I knew he was about to wave me over for refreshment , so I turned sharp on my heel and marched back to the other room before he could do so . " I want one of those cakes , John , " Agatha said , looking so pretty and young with her long dark hair falling casually down the back of her gauzy gown . Her visitor Mr . John Belwether plucked some sweet things from the tray . I liked when Mr . Belwether came to visit Agatha , because he treated her very nicely . They were always exchanging playful glances and secretive laughter , teasing and elbowing like brother and sister . Agatha sighed dramatically . " ' A stormy summer sky , ' he says - why can 't the man be as poetic about my eyes ? My eyes are plain , then ? " Yes , elegant Miss Valérie was in her usual spot on the floral - print loveseat , smiling and watching with hooded eyes , her feet in bejeweled slippers tucked up on the sofa . My father had six girls - Athena , Agatha , Daphne , Calico , Nina , and Miss Valérie . She was the oldest , and my father 's obvious favorite . She could have been my stepmother if there were any papers to say so . In her heels and Russian sable , Miss Valérie was the head mistress , the unofficial manager of the place . She had her own room in the house while only Daphne and Agatha got a room upstairs across the attic hall from mine . The other three girls just had to show up no later than seven o ' clock in the evening . The look Nina meant was Miss Valérie 's uniquely sharp observation face , at once soft and lofty yet cold , disdaining , and very obviously critical , which could come and go in the blink of an eye . When I looked around , her eyes lingered on me a moment longer - one brow lifted a little at the corner as if she meant to say , Yes , I am looking at you . And then she was greeted by a barrister friend of my father 's so she was back to her carefully sociable character , accepting the kisses he rained on her ringed hand . " She hates me , " I muttered as I turned around again with a sigh , raising my brows . What else was new ? I was sure she thought me mollycoddled and ungrateful , some sort of inconvenience for her and my father . She reminded me of a spoiled family cat , the grumpy and fluffy kind with a ribbon on its throat that never wanted to be held . John held his drink up as if he meant to toast . " Well ! " he said . " One day , this will all be yours , you lucky little chap . " I leaned to the side just a bit , looking out the doorway and down the hall to the other drawing room , wondering if someone had tripped and fallen . I saw no such scene . In fact , no one else seemed to have heard the sound . " I suppose … " I shrugged . I didn 't want to think about that yet . I didn 't really want to inherit the business . I had many other projects in life to which I wanted to attend , like travel or even university or - The thumping came from upstairs , like someone had jumped up and down gently on the floor of the attic room just overhead . My room . I bristled first , wondering if someone had snuck upstairs into my room instead of one of the girls ' rooms . Agatha heard it . She looked to me sharply , almost demandingly , from around John 's shoulder . It was quite the ruckus , like two children playing tag or chasing hoops - My heart sank . I realized what it was . " Oh , blast , " I hissed , not angry but a little flustered . I needed to stop the noise before anyone else noticed , especially my father . This was how it always went . I pushed the tray at John , who took it in tipsy confusion . Behind his back , Agatha urged me on with a flap of her hands . " Hey ! " I said , very sternly , and the children had moved beyond the scope of the mirror but I could feel them looking at me guiltily . " Could you both kindly hush up ? " I pressed , quietly but firmly . The sound of the party downstairs echoed up through the house like their play had echoed down . " You 're being very loud . You can 't have my father 's company hear you . " A friend of their scoundrel brother 's had murdered them in the attic back in 1866 . They were still here because the clothes in which they 'd died were hidden under the floorboards . My father hadn 't known that when he 'd acquired the townhouse , and I surely was not about to tell him , just as I surely was not about to remove the clothes after I found them in candlelight one night two years ago . I breathed a short sigh , relieved but feeling sort of guilty . I hated telling them to quiet down . They kept Agatha and Daphne up at night a lot - scared them , more often than not - and the fact of the matter was that I felt responsible for them sometimes . The Missing - ghosts , I mean . Spirits , phantoms , the dead . It was with an odd sense of fondness that I thought of them as the Missing , because they quite obviously weren 't completely gone , just caught somewhere in the in - between , consigned to wander mostly unseen and unnoticed by those who weren 't predisposed like I was . When I was younger , I didn 't hesitate telling everyone , especially with the way Charlie and Colette used to get naughty and puckish around the house - moving things , playing music boxes , running up and down the stairs or grabbing people 's ankles from under beds and chairs . At first my father 's other girls cooed about my wonderful imagination and pinched my sides because I spooked them with my tales of ghost children in the attic . But very soon they realized I was not full of fancies . Now when anything out of the ordinary happened , they came to me to put a stop to it . They knew my father would fly into a fit about preposterous , illogical fears and how things like demons and ghosts were merely business tricks like the occasional séance parties during which I was banished to my room because I nitpicked the frauds . Miss Valérie was no better , and everyone had witnessed enough of my father lecturing me to know who would believe what . The attic was finally peaceful . " Be good and don 't cause any more ruckus tonight , " I said to Charlie and Colette , if they were even there to listen anymore . " I mean it . " Athena 's face was white . Her lower lip quivered and a veneer of tears sharpened her owl - eyed stare . The last time she 'd looked at me like that , Charlie had chased her down the stairs sometime after midnight , laughing and tugging at the ribbons on her dress . " It 's Daphne , " Athena choked out , looking like an overgrown doll with her Empire silhouette and cold , fearful confusion . " Daphne 's left , Will . She told me she was really through with it all this time , and couldn 't even bear the rest of the night - she 's headed to Waterloo - " My heart fell and some awful intuitive ringing in the ears swallowed all the noise around . Everything except for the German romping from the Berliner in the corner , like a soundtrack to the gnawing dread . I did not even realize until then that Calico had followed Athena over . She looked between Athena and me sharply , as aware as anyone in the house that Daphne was my best friend . Sometimes I felt guilt for how obvious it was , but tonight there wasn 't time for that . The miserable finger of protective terror pierced right through me as I shook loose of Athena 's grip so suddenly , I almost knocked the cigarette out of some gentleman 's hand as he passed by us . " I watched her leave ! " Athena 's face pinched , and then she burst into tears . " Will , I 'm scared ! I don 't think she 's coming back - " But she didn 't get it . Daphne was my best friend . Daphne was my favorite , to be honest . Daphne , who sat by me on cold winter nights to read Fun and Tales of the Dead . Daphne , who went off on long threads with me about Apollo and Dionysus and the fall of Rome when the stars were spinning overhead , and sneaked green fairy was fresh on the tongue . Daphne , who was the most like a sister to me out of all my father 's girls , so close to me in age - Daphne , who never complained and never said bad things about others and who hid a terrible aching sadness behind her dimpled smile - my Daphne , whom I wanted to trust with not just my petty secrets , but my real secrets , because she trusted me with hers , too - Instinct drove me . I didn 't think to grab my coat , not even when Madame Zelda called down the stairs for me to remember it . How perfect was she ? No , I just flew out the door with Athena on my heels , and my father 's demanding voice echoing after us : I couldn 't . Daphne was about to do something unspeakable , and I couldn 't let her , so it was straight to the Bridge of Sighs with Athena 's clammy hand tight in mine . I wanted to run , but it was too dark and mucky , and Athena wouldn 't have kept up in her satin slippers . Instead we stole a hansom cab from a group of distracted gentlemen , apologizing out the window . I didn 't want to believe it . I didn 't want to imagine Daphne really meant to jump from the bridge tonight and end it all . My heart felt like a glass prism waiting to shatter into a million pieces . " I can 't ! " Athena moaned as the cab rattled to a stop at the better end of Waterloo Bridge , which was particularly inhospitable and glum . I was already halfway out and on the ground . " I 'm scared , Will ! Haven 't you heard about the Wraith at Waterloo ? " Of course , I 'd heard the latest gossip about a ghost haunting the despicable Waterloo Bridge . Who hadn 't ? It was some of the most popular parlor talk of the season . But even if I wasn 't well - acquainted with the Missing , my fear of Daphne 's demise was greater than the fear of some infamous specter . Through the fog , I barreled up Waterloo . Athena stayed with the cab . Oddly enough , the bridge was almost vacant , except for a few men in overcoats huddled under a streetlamp . The slap of water distorted the echo of the city around me , making it seem far away from this desperate moment . Horses , coaches , voices … " I 'm sorry ! " Athena was sobbing now , calling from the cab at the corner . " I 'm sorry I told him when I promised not to , Daphne , but I couldn 't let you do it , I couldn 't - " I saw Daphne 's silhouette through the nighttime mist , standing at the side of the bridge . A numbing sort of relief washed through me . Ah , thank God ! She hadn 't jumped - she hadn 't even climbed up yet - she was just looking down into the water , courting unthinkable dangers to be in this place alone at night - No , there she was , on the other side of the road . I blamed the fragile panic for mistaking a stranger for her , my Daphne , whom I recognized every inch of as she clung to the stone of the bridge , midnight wind tugging and yanking at her thin coat and gown . Either she hadn 't heard us yelling for her , or she was that lost to the tides of her worst feelings . I had to get her down . I would never forgive myself if I watched her jump , too late to grab her off the ledge - I bit my tongue when my chin hit the stone . The pain circled my jaw and the taste of blood bloomed on my tongue . " Christ Almighty ! " I howled . " What even is all this ? " I was angry . But I was also a mess of vicious emotions , and so it was very easy to misdirect the feelings as lamplight sparked off a whole web of strings and bells , a perimeter posted on the cobbles of one side of Waterloo Bridge . I hadn 't even noticed them - that is until I 'd snagged myself on one . What on earth ? My chin throbbed . I stained my sleeve wiping the blood from my lower lip , spitting a little bit of red at my feet . But those things became trivial concerns as panic seized me again . I looked up and saw Daphne on the stone , barefoot , gauzy skirts dancing about her naked ankles . Her slippers sat discarded at the base of the lamppost . I stomped on some of the wires so they snapped underfoot , to clear my path . Bells rang shrilly from the broken tension as I bounded across the bridge . Ears ringing , heart pounding , terror gripped me icy and certain - but the moment my fingers closed around Daphne 's wind - chilled wrist , I knew everything was going to be okay . I pulled her off the ledge , tumbling down all flaring petticoat and pearls . This time when I hit the stone , I had Daphne in my grasp , and her damp hair in my mouth , and the ground bit at my elbows but I didn 't even care . With all the feel of a porcelain figurine falling to shards on the floor , Daphne shattered into tears against my shoulder . It was hardly a sweet triumph . It felt sore and heavy on the soul , and did it make me selfish to feel so wounded beyond the relief ? I couldn 't believe Daphne would have actually gone to end her life without saying goodbye to me - I couldn 't stand to think she was still that unhappy inside , in spite of all the smiles and laughter - " I almost did it ! " Daphne moaned , not really crying , just hiccupping on shocked gasps like she 'd been under some sort of spell and my yanking her to the ground had broken it . " I almost did it , Will , oh God , I almost did it - " " Are you two all right ? " the one about my size sputtered out . He had a dark softness about him that brought to mind paintings of martyred saints and cupids . His eyes were two different colors - that is , one was gray and fogged like there was no color to it at all . " That was quite the fall ! " The tall man with the spectacles helped us off the ground . " Be a gentleman and take your lady home now , sir . She 's safe , and we 're in the middle of something . " " Daphne ! " Athena called from the corner in a ragged sob of relief . She 'd watched the entire timely rescue . Daphne pulled away and darted down the bridge , colliding with Athena in a tangle of tears and messy curls at the cab . She left her shoes . " You set up those bells ? " The panic didn 't really subside , just coiled in on itself and sharpened into fury . Real gentlemen wouldn 't have dared turn an almost - crisis back around for their good . But maybe they weren 't real gentlemen . Or maybe my impression of gentlemen was skewed by my father 's line of work . The silhouette of the other girl was there again , only a few lamps up the bridge . Staring at us , it seemed . Ah - there was that familiar feeling . I understood . I wouldn 't let it distract me . The Missing didn 't know when it was rude to interrupt , and she 'd probably leave us alone . I hissed , " Those wires could kill a man who doesn 't know they 're there - " Somewhere beyond the embankment , laughter echoed from crepuscular crowds . The hair rose on the back of my neck and a faint ringing shivered in my ears . I knew what it meant . I knew the shift in the silence too well . Where was that wretched silhouette ? Gone again . There was something unsettling about it . Charlie and Colette didn 't give me such a feeling of dread ; I tried to avoid any Missing that made the air hard to breathe . It was a featureless black shape at first , but then the silhouette 's details shivered forth , clear as day . With wide , bloodshot eyes and sunken cheeks , her hair flowed about her face as lusciously and unnaturally as a drop of ink in water . A terrible , shrill wheezing sound rang through my ears , a new and more violent panic clanging its alarm in my heart . I tried desperately to collect my scrambled thoughts , but a breath like a tomb being pried open crept through me like the damn wraith had reached into my gasping mouth and was trying to take over my body . A sensation of doom stirred in me suddenly , an unbridled wave of sadness and fear and emptiness surging through with every throb of my heart . And then all my bearings were utterly ripped away from me , and I tumbled backward - I knew hunger and poverty . I knew the burn of being disparaged and browbeaten . I knew too many siblings and not enough love . Mother pitied me . Father hated me . I knew the shiver of cold desperation as it sliced through me and I saw street after street , and man after man , and the business of the bed , lying flat on my back , the air cold on bare skin . The collision of scenes was disorienting , degrading . Every sane bit of me wailed for release . No , no , no , what was all this torment ? It felt so dirty and wrong ; pray this was some squalid nightmare far from the lovely life my father gave his ladies at Julien 's - off - the - Strand ! My head was going to explode if this kept up . My eyes would bulge out of my skull , and my mind would ooze bloody from every orifice and … Bethnal Green , dress houses , white powder , Darcy James , whore , whore , whore ! The stone of Waterloo Bridge was icy and slick below my bare feet . I leaned out until there was nothing to hold me , and I fell into the Thames , taking deep breaths and choking on the dirty water because I wanted to die , because Darcy James stopped coming because he was married now . He had moved to the country , and I was tired of being a dirty , lonely , forsaken whore , and there were so many voices , so many buzzing whispering voices closing in on me , all the voices and screams of the more deteriorated Missing as they clawed and tore at the strange void where I was now , somewhere in between the in - between and - I sucked in a stuttering breath as my eyes rolled open to the fog and the nighttime sky . This Quinn fellow hovered over me in his leather overcoat , his thin wire spectacles dropped to his nose again . I didn 't even care that Quinn had hit me . This close , I could really see his dark curls and the shadow of his beard . I grabbed for something to hold on to , crouched on unswaying ground but still reeling . God , but that had never happened to me before . There was something so personal about it , feeling a spirit 's agony and utter hatred for the living . Something so shaking , so jarring , so traumatic … The Missing could change the feel in an empty room , sure , but - never in my life had I felt it like it was my own before - " What did you see ? " the nervous - looking one asked , far too spirited for my comfort . His Irish accent wasn 't unsettling , but he was waiting impatiently to write down whatever I said , and I didn 't like that . I tried to push him away . O ' Brien 's face pinched up as if he 'd taken offense to that on Kitty 's behalf . I couldn 't care . " Kitty ? " he echoed , perplexed . Clement seemed to try his very best to mimic Quinn 's previous compassion as he looked me right in the eye and asked in a cool , calculative manner , " What was her full name , boy ? Could you discern the year ? Can you recall any details whatsoever ? " " Kittredge Ann McGowell , " I husked , eyes wide , and the most frightening part was that I hadn 't even had to think about it . Wiping my mouth with the back of my sleeve one last time , I just knew it , and I felt so very violated by the knowledge . " From Bethnal Green . She jumped - " " Suicides , " Quinn interrupted , nodding his head decisively . " Told you . She 's still here , Clement . Malevolent echo . Knew it wouldn 't be that easy . The ambience compass is going mad , you see ? " I stared dumbly at the tool they 'd been calling the ambience compass , its little arrow stuttering and jerking in wild readings . Finally I realized it measured the change in the air that came with the Missing . What a strange little invention - it seemed magical , except that it was all too real . Could it really read what I felt so naturally when the Missing showed up to play ? A system of classification to the Missing was something new to me . Something new and strangely fascinating , sinking its teeth right into the heart of my worst curiosity . Like some strange siren song in the dark , I wasn 't angry anymore - now I was loath to leave . My heart thundered . A cold but revitalizing thrill had infected me . What were these men doing ? How did they know that ? This was normal to them ? " Malevolent echo , that 's precisely what I thought , too . " Clement heaved a dissatisfied sigh . " Certainly suicide would leave enough bad energy for that . " All four of them halted and looked at me like they 'd forgotten I was there . I was shaking . But I was also terribly turned on to the whole affair . They spoke of the Missing like they were a normal thing . They were cool and composed , like interacting with the Missing was hardly surprising . They weren 't afraid , they weren 't judging , and they weren 't rationalizing like skeptics , either , and - I met Clement 's narrowed eyes grimly , standing my ground . " I must insist I will not be giving you my testimony , whatever you need my testimony for , unless you take me with you to see what you 're doing . " I wanted to know . Oh God , I needed to know . " And I have to return Daphne and Athena home safely first . " The other three all looked to Clement . Clement gawked at me . For all his rotten attitude , he really was actually quite young . Tired - looking , but young . His jaw tightened , and he squinted at me harder , seemingly resenting my unnegotiable conditions . " Will , what are you doing ? " Daphne hissed as I handed her shoes back to her on the stoop . There was a strange wide - eyed peace about her now , like she was in shock she 'd almost done it . Almost jumped . Almost died … " Your father will not be happy . You don 't know those men . You can 't - " Daphne 's face hardened . Curls all broken up and windblown about her shoulders , she mumbled , " Abandon your high horse , Will Winchester . We all have our demons . " What was I supposed to do ? What was I to say ? That finally I had the chance to talk one - on - one with spiritualists who might actually believe what I said ? That I 'd finally found spiritualists who were more truth than fraud ? Could I even speak words with that dreadful lump in my throat ? " Tell him nothing . " I shrugged . I kissed her cheek . And then I sprinted down the block to where the men from the bridge waited in their cabs . Jerico Lenk has always been spellbound by the haunting and the historic . He loves ghost stories , romance novels , transgressive fiction , and " fanfic " that 's sometimes all of that in one . When not writing , he also dabbles in acting , modeling , and other art , which can be seen on his personal blog . Although Seattle is his hometown , he 's currently studying English ( Creative Writing ) , History , and Russian Studies at USF Tampa .
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Since my last blog post I have been to three different ports including Cape Town , South Africa , Tema , Ghana , and Casablanca , Morocco . All three of these places have been incredibly different and each have their own culture . In addition to time in port , ship life has been really fun as well . There was a crew talent show that was phenomenal ! Who would 've known that the people on our ship 's crew were so talented ! Also , everybody that was on the ship became Emerald Shellbacks . If you don 't know what that is , an Emerald Shellback is a person that crosses the point 0 ° N and 0 ° E by ship . And , if anyone ever asks , there actually IS a buoy that marks the center of the world . South Africa was amazing , but unfortunately , I didn 't immerse myself into the culture like I had wanted to . Like many others on the ship , I did a lot of adventurous things . The first day was spent exploring the city . We went to various restaurants and bought good food . On the third day , I was lucky enough to sign up for a field program that traveled to a township . This trip was extremely eye opening because it uncovered the sad inequality between races in South Africa . The legacy of apartheid is still extremely visible in South Africa , and affects millions of people . In the township , we visited an orphanage , afterschool program called Happy Feet , and took a bike tour . The following days consisted of adventure . The third and fourth day consisted of sandboarding in sand dunes and skydiving . Both activities were so incredibly fun ! If you ever get the chance , I highly recommend jumping out of a perfectly good airplane . I went into Ghana with no plans , and honestly did not have any expectations about what I would see . When we got there , I was extremely overwhelmed with the street vendors trying to pull me into their shop . Moreover , the streets were packed with people due to the market . A couple of my friends and I spent the day walking around Ghana exploring the different shops and tasting Ghanaian chocolate . The next day I was fortunate enough to sign up for a field program called Life of a Fisherman . This program was another eye - opening experience . Our group traveled to a local fishing village and learned the everyday life of someone that lives in the village . We witnessed the men , that had gone out the day before , bring back the fish they had caught during the night . Next , we walked around the village and saw how everyone lived . This was extremely difficult to observe because of how different the culture is . For instance , I saw a man hit a woman and nobody did anything about it to stop him . I can 't explain how hard it was to watch the man 's actions . Our tour ended and I spent the rest of the day relaxing on the ship . On the third day , I had another field program called City of Refuge . City of Refuge is an orphanage that rescues children from slave trafficking . We attended a church service with the children , took a tour of the facilities , and spent the rest of the day playing soccer . I now know why Ghanaians are so in shape . It was close to 103 ° F and we played for almost two hours straight . Needless to say , I was dead after that game . After another six days at sea , we ported in our final city , Casablanca , Morocco . Like Ghana , I had no expectations . It 's funny how traveling will do that . I was excited , but I didn 't know what I was excited for . I guess I was at the point where I just want to see what different places have to offer . Our stay was only four days , so that meant we had to be quick about whatever we did . A group of friends and I got off the ship and took a train straight to Marrakech ( about three to four hours south of Casablanca ) . When we stepped out of station and were all mind blown because of the beautiful city . The art and architecture were so unique compared to everywhere else . If I could describe it in words , I would tell you to think about the Disney movie Aladin . The next two days were designated for traveling and a camel trek in the Zagora desert . On the way to the desert we stopped at Aït Ben Haddou . This is an old settlement on the old caravan route from the Sahara to Marrakech . This spot was really cool because there have been a lot of movies shot here . Later , we continued to the Zagora desert for our camel trek . We camped out under the stars , had good food , and talked with many people all around the world . The following day , we drove back to Marrakech ( about a ten hour drive ) , and walked around the city . There were all kinds of street performers and shops set up . On the last day , we travelled to Casablanca and split ways . I walked to the Hassan II mosque . It is the largest mosque in Casablanca and faces with its back against the sea . This was the last thing I did in country , and sadly walked on to the ship I 've called home for the past four months for the very last time . I 'm currently sailing to the last port of call , Hamburg , Germany . Everyone 's final exams are wrapping up and we 're all preparing to exit the ship and say our goodbyes for the last time . This has been the best voyage of my life and I can confidently say that Semester at Sea is one of the best decisions I 've made . Moreover , this has been ( and probably will be ) the most bitter - sweet moment of my life because I have to say goodbye to everyone I 've become best friends with . I have had the most fun I 've ever had while traveling , but most importantly , I 've learned more about myself than I ever have . This voyage is a chance of a lifetime , so if you 're a student and trying to decide if you want to travel abroad for a semester , it WILL be the best decision you have ever made . I am approximately 830 nautical miles from Cape Town , South Africa , and I could not be happier to see land . It has been 10 days since I 've walked on solid ground and I still have another two days to go . Since my last update , I have been to two ports . From Ho Chi Minh City , we sailed to Yangon , Myanmar , and from there my voyage traveled to Cochin , India . We were supposed to sail to Mauritius , but sadly , a lot of difficulties regarding the ship came up so we were not able to port . However , we have had a lot of activity days on the ship . The first was Neptune Day . This is a tradition on Semester at Sea , and it marks the crossing of the equator ! The next was the Sea Olympics , and this was various games that the different " seas " ( students living in the same area ) competed in . My sea didn 't win , but hey , we didn 't come in last either . Myanmar was amazing and I could not have asked for much better . The first day consisted of a walking around the city of Yangon , and visiting various landmarks . The most famous place we visited was the Shwedagon Pagoda . This is a huge , golden , Buddhist temple that people go to and pray . In fact , there are Pagodas all over the country of Myanmar . The next few days I was on a field program called Undiscovered Myanmar . This trip included visits to Buddhist temples and to various rural villages around the Mon State of Myanmar . On the first day , our group visited the Golden Rock Pagoda . This is a Buddhist temple that is centered around a huge golden rock that is perfectly balanced on top of a mountain . My favorite day , however , was the third day . My group went kayaking , and took a short hike to the top of Kaw Ka Taung mountain . The view from the top was flawless and will most likely be a picture that I 'll always have in my head . Although Myanmar 's port went by way faster than I would have liked it . This country was amazing and so incredibly different than the United States . The Next port of call was Cochin , India . I didn 't have any particular expectations for India while sailing to the country . However , I was touched in both a positive and negative way . Positively , because India has so much to offer . The people are incredibly nice ( if they aren 't trying to bribe you for money ) , and the landscape is beautiful . I was influenced negatively because of India 's poverty . I was fortunate enough to spend my first day in port at an orphanage . We spent the day playing and dancing with children . I also spent time with the manager of the facility . He told me how he had been struggling with funds and that he would take anything he could get to help the children . This truly broke my heart , but nevertheless , I appreciated every bit of my short time with the kids and I hope that they did as well . The rest of the week was spent with my two friends traveling to New Delhi . We spent a day and went to the Taj Mahal , and now I can confidently tell someone why that is a wonder of the world . It is without doubt the most beautiful structure I 've ever seen and a true symbol of love . I did learn while I was there that there was supposed to be another monument that mirrored the Taj Mahal , except it was supposed to be black . But because of emperor family drama , it was never constructed . Since my last blog post , I have now been to 4 different countries around Asia . From Hawaii , I have sailed across the Pacific to Japan , China , Vietnam , and visited Cambodia for a short time . I am currently sailing from Ho Chi Minh City , Vietnam to Yangon , Myanmar ( Burma ) . I 'm very excited about our next port because I know that this country is one of the most undiscovered places around the world ! Sailing the Pacific was definitely an experience . There were days that were calmer than others , but luckily for me , I have a pretty good pair of sea legs . We sailed for ten days straight before we arrived in Kobe , Japan . While our ship was being piloted , we were greeted with a water cannon show from the Japanese coast guard ! The Japanese are without a doubt some of the nicest people I have ever met . They are extremely open to foreigners and will go out of their way to help someone in need . While in Japan , I traveled to a different city every day . The first day was our port city , Kobe . Kobe was really cool , and it is most famous for its Kobe beef . Although the price for the beef was ridiculous , I bought some , but it was TOTALLY worth it . The next city I visited was Hiroshima . Hiroshima is a bustling city with many people . My friends and I spent the day walking around and visited the A - Bomb Dome ( the only building to survive the Atomic Bomb ) , and walked around the Peace Park . I never really understood how bad the Atomic Bomb was until I visited the site and saw all of the melted objects that had survived . Following Hiroshima , I traveled to Kyoto , this city is known for its strong Japanese culture . Here you can find different temples and shrines . My friends and I , like Hiroshima and Kobe , spent the day walking around the city visiting different historic spots . Later that night , my roommate and I took a spontaneous trip to Tokyo . We were able to do this with our Japan Rail Pass ( If you ever consider visiting Japan , this is a must ) . In Tokyo , we visited the Emperor 's Palace , the world 's largest fish market , and visited other sites around the city . The final day was spent back in Kobe so that we could make on - ship time . Our next port of call was Shanghai , China . After two short days of sailing we arrived in Shanghai . I remember waking up and thinking I was in Tomorrowland from Disney World because the architecture is so mind - boggling . The first day in the city I had a field class that basically toured the city . I wish I could explain how crowded it was , but it 's hard to imagine without being there . Also , we were able to go to the top of Shanghai Tower ( second tallest skyscraper in the world ) . Over the next couple of days , I traveled around Shanghai and also went to a water village about two hours south of the city . The last two days I was a part of a field program that took us to Beijing . While I was there , my field program visited Tiananmen Square , the Forbidden City , and The Great Wall of China . My favorite , like most people , was The Great Wall . The view from the top was spectacular , and if it wasn 't for the smog I would have been able to see for miles . Speaking of smog , I knew that China 's was bad , but I never would have imagined that I wouldn 't be able to see a building that was only a few blocks away . Anyways , when I got back to the ship I was extremely exhausted from the week I had been thru . The next country that we traveled to was Vietnam . We ported in Ho Chi Minh City , and during my time in Vietnam , I was a part of a field program called Mekong Exit to Cambodia . This particular program was packed with activities . On the first day , my group traveled south from Ho Chi Minh City to another city called Can Tho . We walked around the city and intermingled with the different markets . The next morning my group woke up and took a trip on the Mekong River . Here , we interacted with a floating market . There were around a hundred large boats selling different fruits and vegetables , none of which looked very sanitary . We then traveled by bus through rice fields and different villages to the Tra Su forest . We spent the rest of the day floating around with a guide that navigated his way through the swamp . The next day , we traveled by boat into Cambodia along the Mekong River . When we got into Cambodia , we ate lunch and then went to the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum . This was an extremely touching site because this is where thousands of Cambodians lost their lives during the Khmer Rouge in the mid 1970s . I was fortunate enough to meet one of the eleven survivors named Bou Meng . After the museum , we traveled to the killing fields . This place was where the Khmer Rouge brutally killed men , women , and young children . In fact , this site still has human remains coming up from the ground because of the Earth 's erosion . After a long and emotional day , my group flew to Siem Reap to spend the night . After a good night 's rest , we went to a small village to complete a service project . We spent a few hours learning about the local village ( extremely impoverished ) , and how the organization , HUSK , had been helping the town . Our job was to make a wall for an elder who could no longer do it herself . After the construction , we left with warm farewells and traveled to the Temples of Angkor . These temples are the largest religious monuments in the world and some of the most eye opening structures I 've ever seen ! After exploring thePosted in Semester | Tagged Around the World | 1 Reply I originally applied for Semester at Sea with uncertain expectations . I mean , who gets to sail around the world and see the places that you only see on National Geographic while taking classes for school credit ? ! I 'll be honest , even though I 've been on the voyage for a little over a week , it still hasn 't settled with me yet . Like I said earlier , I am traveling from Hawaii to Japan . I had never been to Hawaii before , but all I know is that I want to go back as soon as possible . I was lucky enough to have a field class ( every class has one of these ) that went to the University of Hawaii . Here , we listened to two environmentalists that spoke with us about Hawaii 's environmental policy . Their focus was to have freshwater sustainability on the island . Afterwards , we ate lunch and then traveled to Hanauma Bay . I was speechless when I saw the landscape . I had never seen anything more tropical . I 've only seen these types of places in pictures ! While we were at the bay , we snorkeled and got to see the different types of marine life . The day came to an end and my roommate and I were standing out on one of the decks . As the ship began to depart , the reality hit me pretty hard that I wouldn 't see the United States again until I come home ( and on the other side ) . All I could think was " oh man , I 'm actually doing this . " Nevertheless , I am excited about my voyage , and I hope to learn as much as I can about all the cultures around the world . Not many people realize that they have a singular view about places . I know that I am / was like this , so I want to experience first - hand and share my stories with others . Neptune Day is a historic maritime tradition . The transformation from pollywogs to shellbacks . This tradition takes place after you cross the equator for the first time aboard a ship . The MV World Odyssey has adapted this tradition to include the tradition of sailors shaving their heads after crossing the equator and being accepted into King Neptune 's court . The ceremony of King Neptune 's court consisted of our ship 's captain , Captain Kostas painting himself green , wearing a Santa beard , and being dressed in traditional ancient Greek regalia . A sailor first started the process of being accepted into King Neptune 's court by being covered in green slime , jumping into the pool , and swimming across the pool . Once the pollywog emerged from the pool they were immediately greeted by a fish which you had to kiss . After kissing the fish you went and paid your respects to King Neptune and kissed his ring . After completing this process you were officially welcomed into King Neptune 's court as shellbacks . To maintain the maritime tradition shellbacks were given the opportunity to go and shave their heads . I took part in this tradition and have since gotten my scalp sunburned . OOPS . On March 9th 2016 , the MV World Odyssey docked in Port Louis , Mauritius the island nation off the coast of Madagascar , which was once home of the Dodo bird . While on the Island of Mauritius I had my last field lab of the voyage . This field lab was with Intro to Environmental Science . The itinerary for the lab was to hike up La Pluece Mountain the second highest peak on the island , and then go to the Populmous Botanical Garden . This was an adventurous day that would lead to lots of slipping and sliding . It had rained the entire day before on the mountain and the trails were wet , slippery , and extremely muddy . It was a two hour hike up the mountain and an hour to get back down . Following the trail that Charles Darwin took on his trip to the island aboard the Beagle . The view from the top of La Pluece was fantastic . The view looked out on to the " bowl " of the island . This is where some volcanologists believe , was the mouth of the volcano that created the island . On the hike down , there were only one or two people who didn 't slip . The trail had turned into a creek while we were on the top . It had rained on some portions of the lower mountain after we walked through the area . Once we got to the bottom of the mountain , we then boarded our buses and headed to the Botanical Garden for a guided tour of the native and endemic plant species that were found at the garden . This particular garden is revered as the oldest garden in the southern hemisphere . We saw many different species of palms as well , some of these were 30 feet tall with leaves that were five feet across . There were many species of plants that aren 't found in the United States Botanical Gardens , because of the climate and the possibility of invasive species . This made the trip to the botanical garden a very unique one . " O , to die in Cape Town " , said Andy Pringle , the 89 year old gentleman sailing around the world with his family . The MV World Odyssey docked in Cape Town on March 15th 2016 . This was the most westernized port we had been to in a very long time . It felt like your typical United States city with its own African flare . Cape Town is a city where it was easy to find something to do ; between exploring the V & A waterfront which was full of local musicians and western chain stores , to hiking table mountain , to having a relaxing afternoon in Kirstenbosch Botanical Garden , the many extreme sports people participated in , and lastly the fantastic tours of the wine lands . While I was in Cape Town , I went to the waterfront and found many interesting places to eat and hang out with friends . We also ventured to Long Street , which would have the Richmond equivalent of Cary Street . There , we found a wide array of unique shops and more local eateries . One afternoon my friends and I participated in a wine tour , getting to taste many of the local areas best wines . We even got to try the local specialty . The Pinotage . This is a grape variety that is completely unique to the Cape region . It is a red wine that is sweet and fruity while still maintaining the complexity of a red wine . This trip to wine country happened on the " Hop on , Hop off " tour bus program . A unique tour experience where at any bus stop you can get off and explore the local area then get back on and go find a new place to explore . The next day , we planned a sunrise hike up Table Mountain . Table Mountain is a very unique mountain , as it is much more like a plateau . It is also one of the most recognizable figures of Cape Town . This was a challenge , but completely worth the adventure . We left the ship at 3 am and started hiking by 4 . We hiked up the gorge trail that was expected to take roughly two hours . We stopped along the way to let a group , moving much faster than we were , to pass and after the short stop we all went from our short sleeve shirts to all of the layers we could get on us . It was a bone chilling temperature , with a light mist of rain . When we summited Table Mountain the sun was just starting to rise . Thankfully the table cloth , as the local 's call it , had not yet started to cover the top so we were able to look down on the city of Cape Town as the sun rose . The view from the top was stunning , but the short cable car ride down the mountain was necessary after a long morning of hiking . That afternoon , I went with my friends from Canada to the Kirstenbosch Botanical Garden . We wondered around the gardens for hours . Looking at all of the local flora type fynbos . The fynbos variety of plants is very unique and is one of seven floral regions in the world . The plants in this niche have a wide variety of characteristics . They range from small rock plants to small trees . There were many of the flowers in bloom . They all released super strong , sweet odors that could be smelt throughout the garden . They also have a very large collection of cycads . Cycads are a type of tree that was around during the dinosaur era . On another day exploring Cape Town , we ventured down to see Simons Town in an attempt to go and see the Penguin Colony at the tip of the continent . We unfortunately did not make it to the penguins , but we were able to explore a new town that is still a part of greater Cape Town . We went to the beach , where the water was freezing because it is approaching the early fall in Cape Town , and Antarctica isn 't that far away . We took the train home from Simons Town which saved us lots of money , and made for an interesting adventure . Going from a train station that you walk onto the train from the street , to the Cape Town station that is more like an airport terminal than rail station . The country of Myanmar is a beautiful country that has much more to offer than expected . The MV World Odyssey arrived in the industrial port an hour and a half south of the former capitol city Yangon on February 18th 2016 . We first got off the ship and boarded a shuttle that would take us into the city center of Yangon . While on the shuttle bus you can see a wide variety of sights . You can see the elegant gold pagodas that litter the country side , back dropped by extreme poverty . You can see the elaborate monasteries , the houses of the wealthy , the poor road conditions that deteriorate daily , the magnificence of the Rangoon River , to the crowded city streets . The country of Myanmar has about 750 thousand people that are religious figures such as monks or nuns . We had the opportunity to have a monk named Unan sail with us from Ho Chi Minh City to Yangon . He taught us many different things about his country and the things that are considered respectful and the things that are highly offensive . This allowed us to make better decisions and hopefully not accidently offend people . Myanmar is also different when it comes to currency exchange . They only want the freshest crispest bills possible . If it is worn or has a mark on it they see it as valueless . Also every USD note has a different exchange rate . The higher denominations getting a higher exchange rate . On the first day in Myanmar I traveled with a group of three girls to the markets . In a country that has only had ATM 's for a little over a year , there were bound to be a few problems . One of my friends ATM card wouldn 't work at any of the ATM 's so we were sharing money with her all day . When we got to the market we were exploring the different things they had for sale . Myanmar is one of the world 's largest exporters of rubies and the market was dominated by jewelry sellers . There were also a lot of people selling art , lacquerware , and the traditional clothing bottom that is a longi . A longi is similar to a skirt that you have to tie in the front . These are for both men and women and is seen as a sign of masculinity in the culture . Not to mention they are very comfortable in a culture that requires you to wear long pants almost everywhere . We all bought a longi , and at this point two of the girls had run out of money for the day . Since I hadn 't spent as much as the others , I became the bank that people flocked to when they wanted to buy something else . The next day , I went to the Zoological gardens . This was just a fancy name for the zoo with a garden off in the corner of it . The animals here were different still from the animals in other zoos I have visited to date . They had local bird and mammal species that were endemic to Myanmar . They also had elephants . Although elephants are a common animal in Zoos , the elephants in this zoo you could come up and pet on the head , and quickly move out of the way of their swinging trunks . Elephant trunks seem to grow when the sugar cane that you are feeding them comes near , extending what seemed like an extra foot . They also had many other well taken care of animals , from white tigers to dusky leaf monkeys . After a trip to the Zoo , we went and sought out lunch . We ate at a café that overlooked another religious site . This site was a boat with two golden dragon heads , golden tails , red bodies and a pagoda mounted on the dragons . The dragons served almost as pontoons for the vessel . We then made another trip to the market , to explore more of the seemingly never - ending market . On February 9th , 2016 the MV World Odyssey arrived in Ho Chi Minh City Vietnam . We arrived a day later than scheduled due to extreme weather conditions on the Saigon River . Vietnam was a fantastic country . The weather was hot . When we arrived it was 91 degrees Fahrenheit . This was so comfortable after the two weeks of winter we experienced in Japan and China . As we sailed up the Saigon River to get to the Ho Chi Minh City port we saw brown , murky water under us and on either side of the river lots of palms and other native greenery . A beautiful lush and full tropical forest on both sides of the river with the occasional house on stilts built right into the river . We passed several other freight vessels docked on the sides of the river . When we arrived in Ho Chi Minh , I got off the ship and boarded the local shuttle to the center of town , this is what the port authority requires of any passenger vessel docked in the industrial port . I set out with two friends and we went on a mission to explore the city of Ho Chi Minh . When we arrived in Ho Chi Minh it was the second day of Tet . This is their celebration of the lunar New Year . This is a time full of red and gold colors all over the city and most of the shops had closed as they spent the holiday with their families . On the first day , we explored the touristy strip of the city looking at all of the souvenir shops . The first few shops were all so impressive with the wood carvings , the elaborate designs of figurines , the bright colors of shirts , and the different raw materials that had been carved into anything you can imagine . However , after the first few shops all of the souvenirs become the same . It just becomes a game of where can I go to get the best price . There was not much else to do on the first day , except go to these touristy destinations , as most of the shop stalls were closed . As the Tet holiday began to wind down , more of the shops opened and then the famous markets opened up . The Ben Than ( said like Tohn ) market was an experience . Aisles that were wide enough for a person to walk , and that was it . However , it was uncommon to be the only one trying to occupy the space you were in . The shop venders had further cut down on the aisle space by overcrowding their stalls with all of the same touristy trinkets and the locally made Nike , Under Armor , Adidas , and other clothing brands of shirts , pants , and hats . Their stalls cut the already narrow aisles in half . Not to mention the building it was in . It was a large , metal , garage like structure with no air conditioning or fans , except the ones any vendor would wave in your face to try and lure you to their stall . So , the second you walked into the building your body began to pour with sweat . However , if you could handle the heat and the pressure of the locals , you could find the best deals around in this market . On the last day in Vietnam , I did a Semester at Sea field program to the Cu Chi tunnels and a cooking class in the morning . The cooking class took place at a local organic farm . This farm was full of different herbs and greens . A huge variety of mint and basil grown alongside tapioca , guava , and lemon grass . They also grew oyster mushrooms , straight out of the bottle . The farm owners had developed a unique system of growing the mushrooms out of two liter bottles . These bottles hung in stacks 15 high in a dark , hot and humid shed to get the mushrooms to grow big and lush . When it finally came time to cook , we made ourselves a four course meal . The first dish was fresh spring rolls . We rolled the herb leaves into a fresh , rice paper with rice noodles for a light and delicious appetizer . The next dish was a salad . This was the most labor intensive dish of the day . We had to cut up a part of a papaya , cucumber , and carrot with a " fancy knife " , it made the vegetables look like crinkle cut French Fries . We then dressed this with a traditional dipping sauce . Then the protein of the dish was made . You had to cut up ginger and lemon grass to marinade the pork of tofu in . This was a spicy salad that was fresh and delicious . We then made the entrée . It was called Chicken or tofu in clay pot . The name was very creative . It combined few ingredients , but got the most flavor possible out of those few ingredients . Finally dessert was deep fried banana spring rolls with coconut ice cream . These were the highlight of the meal . They were so tasty and the coconut ice cream that went with it made the flavors of the banana shine . It was also nice to have the cold ice cream on a hot day . After the cooking class we moved on to take a tour of the Cu Chi tunnel system . This tunnel system stretches for thousands of miles underneath the country side of Vietnam all the way to Cambodia . These tunnels were used by the Viet Kong during the Vietnam War . The tunnels were an incredibly humbling experience . The tunnels that we went through had been widened to over double the original size to allow tourist to crawl through them . You were still hunched over at a 90 degree angle and squatting a little bit to be able to move through them at all . In several places you had to slide to make it through even at its widened state . This made you think how small these people were and how determined to win they were that they would use these tunnels with no light and small cramped and crowded conditions . Trying to pass someone in the widened parts was nearly impossible and people passed each other daily during life in the tunnels . The tunnel entrances were unbelievably well hidden too . The large openings were disguised as water wells and the smaller entrances were covered with leaves . Our guide when trying to find the tunnel entrance began banging her foot on the ground trying to find it until the exhibit soldier came over found it after a few tries and showed us the proper way of getting into the tunnel system . Vietnam was an unbelievably beautiful country and one that I am looking forward to getting the opportunity to explore again . We first landed in Shanghai China on January 31st 2016 . This was my first opportunity to explore the great expanses of China . The ship originally would be docked in Shanghai for two days then travel from Shanghai to Hong Kong and that is where I would meet up with the ship again . I traveled on the first day to the Jade Buddha Pagoda in Shanghai . This was an entertaining two hour walk from the ship with several friends . When we arrived at the Buddha it was an incredible experience to see the craftsmanship of these centuries old Buddha statues made from large pieces of jade . One of the Buddha reaching enlightenment and the other the Buddha going to nirvana . Unfortunately on our way back we had to battle the wind , snow and sleet . The nearest refuge from the wet and cold was a giant mall in the heart of the Shanghai shopping district . We took refuge in the mall and got a quick snack to recharge and thaw from the outside . We then took off to the nearest subway station which wound up being only 200 feet from the mall entrance . We then boarded the subway and took it to the ship . Then we all went out for an evening of celebration after a long day of walking . We then returned to the ship early . The next day is when my travels across China began . I had a flight to Chengdu the capitol of the Sichuan Province in China . In Chengdu there is the Giant Panda Research Base this was my ultimate goal to get to . Before my flight to Chengdu I still had several hours in Shanghai . So I decided to go to the Shanghai Zoo which was only one subway stop from the airport . This was an entertaining sight as they have many animals that are not found in the United States Zoos . Many indigenous animals to China and other surrounding countries . I then took the subway to the airport and waited for my red - eye flight at 21 : 20 . On all flights in China they give a full meal , this was a pleasant surprise on the three and a half hour flight . When I arrived in Chengdu there was some confusion with the hostel I was to stay at , also the car I had arranged to pick me up was not there . This forced me to have to take a cab , which wound up taking me over a lot of the city of Chengdu . It finally got me to my hostel after two stops at hotels , to find someone who could help translate as the cab driver spoke no English . This unfortunately cost me double the fare as the reserved car would have . My next few days in Chengdu were stressful , adventurous , and very educational . Chengdu taught me more about myself than I have learned in any other place . The need to solve and find solutions to problems was around every corner in that city . I was there for three days and did get to go to several historic and cultural sights . I went to Tianfu Square , the Peoples Park , the Wenshu Temple , and most importantly the Panda Base . On the last morning in Chengdu , I ventured outside the city to the Panda Base . The base is full of Panda 's old , young , and infant . Pandas , both rescued from the wild and born at the base were in the enclosures . One enclosure had at least ten Panda cubs chasing each other around , sleeping in trees , and pushing each other off of the food platform . After all of this I boarded a plane to get to Hong Kong to meet back up with the ship . After an adventurous evening of exploring Hong Kong by many unplanned ways , I made it back to the ship in time , only to wait in a security line . The last day in the Hong Kong Port was incredible . I had a field lab for my Plants , People , and Culture class . A field lab is a mandatory trip that a class takes in a single port and explores real life practices of the subjects talked about in class . On this particular field lab , our itinerary was changed for the benefit of the group . We ventured to a local flower market , a local traditional Chinese Medicine Doctor , and a local fruit market . At the flower market our professor was in his element pointing out and describing different species from around the world being sold . It was a particularly vibrant time at the market as it was 2 days before the start of Tet , or the Chinese New Year . So , there were bright colors all over the market for people to decorate their homes with . We then ventured to the Doctors office , where we learned about traditional Chinese medicine . He answered our questions for an hour or so and taught us about the techniques of TCM and the holistic beliefs in contrast to " Western " allopathic medicine . He then demonstrated the techniques of acupuncture , cupping , moxibustion , and filling a prescription for us . We then had lunch at a local restaurant that was very accommodating , and very delicious . The locals were lined up out the door when we arrived . After lunch , we went to the fruit market . The market was full of fruits and nuts , many of which we see as exotic , and others that came from a lot closer to home . My friends and I purchased a mango that was about the size of a professional football . This mango was also the sweetest , softest , and probably best mango I have ever had . There were also nuts in the shell and out . Then the exotic fruits such as dragon fruit , durian , and many fruits our guide couldn 't even name . We returned to the ship and had a surprise waiting for us when we got back . The itinerary had us traveling from Hong Kong to Ho Chi Minh City from February 5th to February 8th . This plan was delayed by a day . Due to high seas and high winds delaying our departure from Hong Kong by twenty four hours . This , unfortunately did not mean that we would have an extra day in Hong Kong , but an extra day in Victoria Harbor . This was a joy for some , and a tremendous blow for others who had to cancel many plans and attempt to reschedule others . Now we are off sailing to Vietnam , where we should arrive tomorrow afternoon on the 9th . After 12 days aboard the MV World Odyssey , everyone was getting a little cabin fever . It was a thankful sight to see the shores of Japan . We first docked in the port of Yokohama . Then after two days in Yokohama , the ship sailed to the port of Kobe . When we first arrived in Yokohama we had a welcoming party of traditional Japanese drummers . Outside of my window on the ship there was a Ferris wheel that also doubles as the world 's largest clock . Then when we arrived in Kobe , we were greeted by the Kobe Fire Departments fire boats that put on a water show for us as we entered into the Harbor . We were also greeted by a Japanese band , playing music . This wasn 't a rock band , but imagine a band playing in a Gazebo at the center of town in every old - timey movie . We first got off the ship and explored the immediate area of Yokohama . I traveled with my friend Hannah , from the University of Virginia . We went to the Cup Noodles museum , explored the local life , ate some fantastic sushi , took an afternoon trip to Tokyo , and got horribly lost . According to Hannah 's fitbit , we walked 18 miles in one day . In a city that doesn 't speak English , and when you don 't speak Japanese , it is very hard to navigate the city streets that are all in Japanese characters . So , we got turned around and wound up in the red light district of Yokohama , unintentionally . When we returned to the ship , several hours later , we were exhausted and relaxed for a couple hours before preparing to go back out for the evening . We went out with several other friends for the evening and wound up meeting up with some other Semester at Seaers , affectionately known as SASERS . The next day we also took an adventure to the Cup Noodles Museum . It was very interesting to see the volume of cup noodles that is consumed annually across the world . Also , the number of different flavors produced covers an entire wall floor to ceiling . Over the two days in Yokohama we ate lots of sushi . In one restaurant we went to , it had a sushi conveyor belt and in the other , we played Russian roulette with the sushi menu . Once again not being able to speak any Japanese , but it turned out well . The most obscured things we ordered were the salted salmon roe and a whole baby squid atop the rice . I opted to sail with the ship from Yokohama to Kobe , which saved me lots of money . This was a great decision . The crossing was a much needed break . Although we were only in country for four days with the crossing , it was still nice to have a break away from planning trips and doing homework , and not having to stress about the language barrier . We were also treated to a specialty dinner that was served to us in the traditional super fancy sit down dinner meal style . Menus , all the silver wear , people scraping the crumbs off your table . It was unbelievably fancy for the normal dining experience aboard the ship . The food was also fantastic . When we got to Kobe , I traveled by myself , and took many different subway trains to finally make my way to Kyoto . I didn 't take the most direct and efficient way , because my Japanese is as good as their English . It took me three hours to get to Kyoto , a trip that should take no more than an hour . However , it was fantastic to get to see Kyoto and all of its history and temples . As soon as you walk outside of the Kyoto station , you are greeted by skyscrapers with temples tucked between them . I walked to the Nijo Castle , the Imperial Palace , several other Buddhist and Taoist temples , I also tried to make it in time to the Golden Temple but showed up ten minutes after it closed , the biggest let down of all of Japan . I returned to Kobe , where I once again got lost . This time I had the voice of Colonel Snead yelling at me in my head , " Don 't travel alone " . This was also aided by the fact that it was dark and I couldn 't read the street signs . I thankfully found my way by looking at a map that was made for children and was full of pictures . The second day in Kobe , I stayed around the ship not wanting to get lost again . I went to the Sake Brewery Museum . This was interesting , and I learned a lot about Sake that I never knew , such as , it takes months to prepare a good sake . I did not try the Kobe beef , as it is 10 , 000 yen for a six oz . steak . That roughly converts to 100 dollars . This unfortunately was way out of my price range . Now , it is off to our next adventure aboard the MV World Odyssey . Two more days at sea , then it is on to China . I have actual plans , not to just wander around and get lost . I will be adventuring to Shanghai , the Sichuan Province , and Hong Kong . Welcome to Experiences Abroad This blog is designed for Hampden - Sydney students , staff , and faculty to share their international experiences in a collective forum . Would you like to contribute ? E - mail Dr . Daniella Widdows ( dwiddows @ hsc . edu ) or Tamara Wright ( twright @ hsc . edu ) . We would love to hear from you !
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So about the stories around my jewelery that you see in my Etsy shop - I 'm laying asleep in my bed , it 's five in the morning , and the music comes on my wakeup ipod . Lovely music , and I float along and realize there are all these thoughts roiling in my brain . I listen to them , and pretty soon I realize they 're for you ! I wake up and fix coffee , if it 's a really good day , it 's Kona from Hawaii , and I zombie footstep over to my computer and sit down , and write . What a pleasure . After a few sips I read it over and realize it 's a bit of a gift , from spirit , to me , to you . I love the receiving end of my artwork . I never know what exactly it 'll be - seems to be some combination of what I want to share with what spirit wants to give , all good . Very good . Enjoy ! In the early days of when I started to meditate ( some 30 years ago ) I had a vision in which I encountered a most beautiful being . The " agenda " I had posed , which is a common approach when seeking answers or " advice " in meditation , was that I invited my guide to come and introduce him or herself to me . In my mind I imagined that perhaps I 'd finally get to see " my spiritual teacher , " or " higher self , " and develop a relationship with one who could advise me on matters close to my heart and confusing in the material world . Little did I know that meditation , the language of the spirit , does not always work as easily as that . As I sat in the quiet of my study , I began to see a shape materialize , the shape that became an awesomely exquisite woman with dark skin , piercing green eyes , beautiful long black hair , and seemingly perfect in every way . She stood and stared at me , not moving , saying nothing , then turned her back on me and slowly disappeared . It was as if she melted away as she left . Her beauty was enviable . But she was not smiling , not even a little bit . She looked sad , and I felt incredibly powerful energies emanating from her . I felt very drawn to her , but also confused , as the meeting did not go as I 'd imagined . I had wanted to talk with her , to ask her things , to feel some kind of love , some sign of her affection and wisdom . But this appearance wasn 't at all what I had wanted to experience . It was unsettling to say the least , and would become even more so . . . . At the time , I was attending small public sessions presented by a channeler ( I forget her name , it 's in my journals but there are 30 years of them and I 'll get quite sidetracked if I look it up ) . She conducted her sessions in my favorite new age bookstore on Tuesday evenings , to audiences of about 20 or 30 attendees . These were people from all walks of life , who simply had questions and were curious to find out if we could get helpful information from " esoterical " sources . Many of the sessions were conducted such that attendees would each get a turn to ask a question , and the channeler would " go within " to seek answers . This , needless to say , was not the reply I had expected or wished for , and it put me off of meditation for several weeks as I didn 't want to have encounters with ANY entities not of the light . I was scared to go back into meditation to converse with this entity , not knowing what she wanted from me or what evil she might do to my psyche . But after a few weeks I decided the not knowing was worse than the risk ( had no patience with letting the fear hold me back ) , so I set about doing another meditation to call upon this entity and find out more . The result was surprising , and meaningful , in an archetypal way that I found I could apply to many questions in my life . Finally , my courage up , I went into my study , and floated into the familiar trancelike mindset , first requesting the protection of my Creator , and asking for teaching of the highest quality ( which is a recommended first step for any meditation , along with closure at the end ) . Then , slowly the beautiful woman reappeared , looking exactly the same as before . I found myself pointing at her and suddenly saw , streaming from my right hand , a bright flow of light , first golden , then silver , then copper . It streamed from me to her , and she absorbed it , smiled , and slowly disappeared as the emanations dwindled from my fingers . As with many meditations , the meaning becomes more clear as time passes , and often with some research involved . With this one it took me a while , but eventually I came across some information that brought the meaning to life . The information was that in some cultures / beliefs , gold represents wealth , silver represents purity , and copper represents transformation ( this somehow felt " right " to me ) . So what I understood from this meditation was that she had been lacking in these elements / qualities , and I had the power to bestow them on her ( surprise ) . Once they were given to her she became whole ( enlightened ) . I understood that wealth doesn 't necessarily mean " money " as we know it . I understood it more as fulfillment in this particular meditation . I had called her to teach , and she now had a purpose , which could fulfill her . I understood silver 's representation of purity as a symbol of the agreement between us , that all of our exchanges would be pure , devoid of any harmful intention , meant for the good of the whole . And the last element that I had given her , copper , represented transformation , the magical thing that comes about through understanding and knowledge . So when I first met her she was incomplete , and after our first exchange she was restored , and so our relationship could begin on those terms . She was not going to settle for teaching a pupil who would give up their authority , in the sense that I had to engage and become part of the learning , and she was not going to settle for a pupil who would come to rely on her without bringing their own knowledge to bear . Perhaps my higher self indeed - she knew me better than any other could . And I was the only one who could give her what she needed - fulfillment , the intention for the best for all ( the good of the whole ) , and understanding and knowledge - the culmination of the meditation . So we were now ready to move to the next level . The other revelation / understanding I took from this meditation was that not everyone who is " bad " is inherently evil , they may be only " lacking , " and when we can fill that void , the place where something is " missing , " we can restore them to their inherent potential for good . Last night I stayed up til 4 a . m . enchanted by the beads again ( uh oh ) . My latest order of charms arrived yesterday afternoon from Treasure Island Jewelry , and as I checked it over that night , I fell in love with every one of them - I bet you will too ! Beautiful sterling silver flowers ( dogwood , hibiscus , sunflower ) and pixie people ( elf , female winged sprite , fairy godmother ) and some of my favorite animals ( sweetest little duck you ever saw - think Easter all year ' round when you wear the pendant I 'll make with this little treasure ) . The purple box I keep them in is bursting at the seams . Can 't wait to spend some time making more pendants . I 'm finding that it 's really fun and inspiring to do commissioned work ( will set this up in my Etsy shop soon , so you can convo me and let me know what you 'd like ) . The way we went about it was that she gave me a couple of sentences about each of her friends , with suggestions for color , what their main interests are , plus a few personality traits . Then we just let spirit take over . Looking for just the right charm and just the right focal bead is such fun ! Fusion Beads is another fabulous resource for sparklies ! Eventually I 'll hook up with artists who make beads by hand - and then you 'll see some really exquisite stuff . Here 's where you can find some great information on how silver charms are made and what goes into getting set up . These links give you an idea of the work that goes on behind the scenes for your special pieces of jewelry . The hardest thing for me is choosing - I want one of each ! All the charms shown here can be found at the wholesale supply company Treasure Island Jewelry I so meant to take a nap today , but don 't want to miss a minute , so I 'm kind of floating through the day - likely you 'll find me snoozing on the couch after dinner . I feel such urgency to get the rest of the photos up on Etsy so you can really see what I 've been doing for you , but this week I learned something important about starting a small business . I chose the name for my business a while back , and when I went to the bank to set up a business account I learned that if the name of the business doesn 't include my last name ( who can spell or remember that ? ! ) I have to file an application for a " fictitious name , " and the app has to go all the way down to Harrisburg and back . It may take as long as three weeks . So the app has been sent , plus had to put a notice in the newspaper , so everyone knows that my real name ( Jen Berghage ) is associated with my " fictitious " name ( Dreamkeeper Creations ) . Once I get the notarized copy back from Harrisburg I 'll run to the bank and set up my account so the Paypal button will work on Etsy . Can 't wait ! Stay tuned : ) When I encountered Dr . Newton 's material I decided the only way to really know if what he was talking about was true was to try it . So I started by doing meditations and regressions guided by several different practitioners , some with academic backgrounds , some degreed health professionals , like Marion Winisky RN , MA . And I learned a lot from others who have great information and materials available commercially , like Dick Sutphen and Sonia Choquette . Check out Sutphen 's Web site and some of Sonia 's information . So back to how I discovered my hidden love for beadwork . I explored several different past life regressions over a period of several years , and one of these was , as these events usually are , surprising in many ways . I saw myself walking over a rainbow , this being a common method that guided meditation uses to get the mind to go within , and when I got to the other side of the rainbow I found myself in a beautiful wooded area , interspersed with large meadows . It was fall , and the sun was glistening through the yellow and orange leaves . I bent over to look at my feet , and found myself touching the soft tanned hide of the knee - high boots I was wearing ( examining the shoes you 're wearing is common method to " ground yourself " within a regression ) . On this hide were bead designs , with a lot of green and blue and white . I can still remember the tactile feeling of the soft hide and the texture of the beads as I ran my hand over them . The boots were comfortable and beautiful as well as functional in that environment . I had on a fringed dress of soft tanned hide , and I don 't remember much detail about the dress . After touching the boots I was wearing , I stood up straight and looked around . I noticed the trees glistening in the fall sunshine , their leaves shimmering in the wind . Then a sound came to my ears , the sound of others . I became aware that the women were working together and children were playing together , watched over by the elders . Much of the work was done by those who were neither very young nor very old , but strong and capable and well trained according to their interests . I remember the feeling of my heart being flooded with love , a love greater than any I had imagined in my current life . It was the love of the whole community , where I had a place of honor . I was known as the one who took care of many children and my specialty was doing beadwork . The items I made were sought after over a wide region , not only in my own community . What I understood during this regression was that during that lifetime , one of the things I had chosen to learn for my soul agenda was to live such that I would have a full understanding of the concept of giving . At this point in the regression I understood what giving in a communal culture meant . I had a place of belonging , I held the respect of my community , I felt loved . And I loved , through my work and the care of the children , so I had an outlet for the love I wanted to share . As many regressions do , I learned during this one that there is more to know about giving than we imagine , and it surprised me . What happened is that I walked down the wooded path under the dappled sunlight towards a clear creek , the sounds of the water sharing their own kind of music , peaceful to my soul . But as I neared the creek , a warrior on a horse approached me very fast . He grabbed me around the waist and tried to pull me up with him on the horse . I struggled , and he slit my throat with a long , fat , sharp knife . His arm loosened from around my waist and I slid down to the ground , limp , with the life flowing from my body though my mind was still very much alive . In those moments I knew his thoughts , that if he couldn 't have me , then no one could , and my own thoughts , that he could not hurt me for I was of spirit , and spirit is energy that is always alive . In those moments the thought ran through my mind , " I release you I release you for you can do me no harm . " And that was the end of that life as I knew it . Past life regression can teach us a lot about many things , and what I find with each one is that there is usually a gift that we can apply that has the potential to change our lives for the better , and also those around us . What I understood after this regression was over is that when we think that we are controlled by another , we find out that we are , in the end , free to continue living , and the finality that we associate with death is only an illusion . My reaction upon my death in that regression was based in the cultural certainty and simplicity of love , spirit , life , sustenance , continuity , and cycles of that lifetime . The gift of the regression was the knowing that we are truly free if only we choose to be , and this can affect others in a good way because it supports cosmic law . So in learning about giving I found myself giving all that I thought I had , including my life , only to find that because the cycles of life are circular and infinite , the life experience only continues and cannot be truly stopped by anyone or anything for any reason . Cool concept . Here 's a little taste of Shoshone beadwork currently displayed at the National Museum of the American Indian in Washington , DC . What 's interesting to me about this regression is that in all the years I lived out West , I had never known that Native American women wore knee - high boots . After the regression I looked in every museum I visited , seeking some kind of substantiation for this , but found none . Then with the advent of the Internet I was able to research , and when I came upon some photos of the knee - high boots that Shoshone women wore , I realized they were very similar to the ones in my regression . The other thing that 's interesting about the Native American beadwork is that if you study the different tribes and go way back , you can learn to " read " the beadwork , as the graphic designs represent various cultural beliefs / teachings . The symbols represent often universal concepts and " discoveries " about the frontiers of the mind and so many other things that we are rediscovering today . What 's seemingly new is , in actuality , very very old . The other thing that happened as a result of the regression was that I discovered a huge interest in beadwork . I found that the love and the interest stayed very much alive , and that the skills came very easily to me ( carryover skills - yay ) . They also brought me more joy than anything creative I had yet encountered . I believe it 's because they are a part of my spiritual history , which is likely longer than just this time around . I understand that some of these beliefs are controversial . The only thing I can say about that is that we are all on our own paths , and I know that for each person , their own path is just right for them . I find mine interesting , certainly , full of surprises , and more rewarding than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams . Today was a blast . I spent quite some time out in cyberspace treasure hunting for high quality sterling silver charms to add to the bottom of the pendants I love to create . Wow , there 's a lot to choose from out there ! I look for beauty first - if the charm 's a character ( I have a Fairy Godmother and some beautiful angels coming , plus a whole bunch more ) , I look at the features of their faces to make sure the artist who created them took the time to develop beautiful faces . There are so many categories to choose from , all the way from sports to religion to nature , with a host of options in - between . It 's tough to try to figure out whether you 'll relate to the ones I choose . So I figure if they make me laugh , they 're in , and if they kick up some sweet nostaligic memories , they 're in . Ugly is out . Poor craftsmanship is out . When you buy my jewelry , you 're going to get the best I can find , and I 'm a stickler for great craftsmanship , lucky you ! Lucky me , cause I get to work with these little beauties . So if you 've purchased any of my jewelry you 've also received one of my business cards , and on there it says that I make " one of a kind dolls . " You may be wondering about that since you haven 't seen any on Etsy - YET . . . . I have several in the works , and you 'll see them soon , and be able to purchase them . They 're based on universal themes , for example , I 'm making a Sky Doll , and a Green Man Doll , an Angel Doll , and a Rainy Day Doll , a Creation Spirit Doll , a Viking Doll , a Power Doll , and many others . Their bodies are made of gorgeous fabrics , sometimes completely covered with beads , sometimes only partially decorated with beads . I 've spent quite a bit of time learning various stitching patterns with beads , and they each have enough fringe to feel really good when you run it through your hands . They 're big enough to feel good to hold , but not huge - anywhere between 6 and 15 " tall . Look for photos soon , and I 'll blog about the history and making of them here . They take more time than my jewelry creations , so they 're a little slower in coming , but well worth the wait ! The ones I 'll have on Etsy will likely run between $ 150 and $ 350 . They take a lot of time , but they 're real charmers : ) I have a couple that run into the thousands - the little mermaid doll ( which belongs to my daughter ) took about 200 hours to make , and was a labor of love . The beads are sewn on about 10 beads at a time , and then I go back and overloop the thread next to each bead so that it sits tight and stays put . You wouldn 't belieeeve how good this doll feels in your hands . She 's about 6 " tall . Here 's a preview of my Power Doll ( below ) . Don 't be too disappointed , she 's for me , so not for sale . It 's serendipitous that I would be making her now , as my business gets started , because " in yin and yang terminology , a dragon is yang ( male ) and complements a yin ( female ) fenghuang ' Chinese Phoenix ' , " ( Chinese Dragon , Wikipedia ) . What this means is that there 's a connection between my female ( receptive ) nature and my male ( active ) nature happening , which is why the business is finally graduating from being just a dream to becoming a reality - kind of exciting . That connection has been a long time coming . For most of my dolls , I get the molds for their faces from Kimberly Crick , who 's very talented . I use ProSculpt Clay to make the faces , which you can get at artdolls . com , and then I carefully paint them with acrylic paint . Just the faces can take from 4 to 8 hours depending on how detailed they are . This doll 's coming along , but is really a work in progress . I have about 23 hours in this one so far , and she 's not nearly done . It took about 4 hours just to get the boobs done . In case you haven 't noticed , I have a propensity for celebrating everything female : ) This doll 's going to be covered with beads , should be fun to work on , and really feel good to hold . . . . updates as progress continues . . . . She has Tibetan llama fur for her hair - I often spend time in antique stores rescuing furs from those dusty old shelves to give them new life and new love . Sometimes I buy new but I try to buy only fur that is from animals that have had a good life and a natural passing . Here 's another view . She 's holding a golden hummingbird ( hummingbirds represent joy ) and she 's very balanced , which you can see in the design of her body / fabrics - though balanced definitely doesn 't mean boring ! She 's quite moveable and I put her wherever strikes our fancy , on a shelf or my art table or wherever seems to please her for the moment : ) I love to sort through the beads I 've collected , discovering which ones go together best , watching as they come together to create a wearable object filled with a special magic and energy all its own ! The necklace above is the one that represents the birth of my little business - the dancing spiral of life twirling it all into creation . The charm is the Eternity Goddess , embodying the spiral of creation as she dances and sways , spreading joy . It 's a happy necklace , and I love to wear it , especially when I 'm making new ones . Recently I made a ladybug necklace for my Mom , who adores them . She hasn 't seen it yet , hope she likes it - we 'll find out soon ! [ Update - she loved it , yay ! ] She and Mom also love purple , so I made some different pendants for them to choose from . Purple is such an elegant color , full of mystery and rich as grapes at harvest time - I love to work with it . Look for more in my Etsy shop , Dreamkeeper Creations . My mission in opening Dreamkeeper Creations on Etsy is to share a bit of the pure joy I experience in making jewelry and other lovely items that celebrate life . I believe that beauty is our right and our heritage , in all its forms ; it heals us and helps to make us strong . I 'll quote a lovely Native American poem which I first discovered in The World of the American Indian , published by the National Geographic Society in 1974 , because it 's close to my heart as I work with the beautiful colors and shapes and textures that so delight ~ Witness the birth of a being ( me ) in the business of art ( at last ) . Beauty rules ! Soothes the soul , celebrates life in all its magnificence - share in the wonder . Beauty belongs to us all . I 've been captivated by ART since I was about 9 years old . Because my family lived overseas for the first ten years of my life and because we moved about every two years ( Holland , Malaysia , Japan , Italy , England ) I learned at an early age to keep myself occupied . The best ways to do this were to read , write , or draw . While we were overseas I was lucky enough to be able to visit some of the finest museums in the world , and they felt like home to me with all the beautiful creations from the master spirits of this planet . These excursions left me hungry for more , so as I grew older , I continued to visit museums wherever I found myself ( New York , California , Colorado , Arizona , Alaska , Chicago , Pennsylvania , etc . ) .
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This was bouncing around in my head this Morning . Maybe that is why I have a migraine . I thought you might enjoy a trip back to the Sixties too . I was all set to write a political post this morning . I even wrote a few paragraphs before I realized I just don 't have it in me . I erased my words . You don 't care . Frankly , I don 't care . I read where the Mayor of Portland wants to ban speech HE deems " hateful " and I want to weep for my country . Of course the Constitution protects hate speech . Such words are exactly why the First Amendment exists . I don 't know why he ACLU isn 't camped outside the mayor 's office . OK , I do know why , but they should be . See , you got a dose of politics anyway . Here we are starting the second Monday this week . We had a good weekend . I don 't know where the time went . Three days passed in a flash . I know I did some yard work yesterday . I listened to the race Sunday . My daughter listed her house Friday . They sold it Sunday . They got more than asking price . It looks like they will be moving in with us before the end of June . In other news , it appears I 'm heading back to China in a few weeks ; if I can get a visa in time . I 'm not excited about it . I don 't dread it . It is just another business trip , albeit a long one . Admittedly , I enjoyed my last visit to China more than I thought I would . If I could actually eat with chopsticks it would help . I lack that gene , I guess . My ancestors have been using spoons for centuries . I am not complaining . I have been all over the world . Still , life would be more fun if customers and factories see located on Caribbean beaches . My best friend suffered a heart attack last night . We just hung out with them Saturday night . This is not his first , nor his second . He has been my best friend since seventh grade . Yeah , I 'm worried . He is in good hands at the hospital . I 'm too lazy to link to the story , but I finally disposed of the oldest boy 's car yesterday evening on my way home from the corporate digs . I did not get as much as I wanted for it but more than I expected for a trashed 2005 Malibu with a blown engine . Completing the transaction put me on the highways right at 5 : 00 on a Friday evening of a holiday weekend . Did I mention it was raining ? That 's OK , visibility is not an issue when you are driving 10 mph on an interstate . The traffic remained heavy all the way to Indy . Well at least to the northern edges of Boone County where I cut off on 47 and took the back way home . I finally got home just after 8 : 30 . Things are going to change here at the old homestead . It looks like the youngest is going to move back home for a few months to save some money before starting back to school in the fall . And his little dog too . My daughter is building a new house . It will be done in late August , says the builder . That really means maybe in September . I know that and you know that . They listed their current house yesterday . There were three showings yesterday afternoon . Five more are scheduled for today . They got an offer for above list price last night ! Yes , housing is tight in this area . I 'm ready to get home . It has been a long week learning the new gig . I have a grasp of the basics , but learning a whole new portfolio of products is no easy task . A new company , new competitors , new applications I don 't understand combine to make me feel foolish and overwhelmed . The realization I will have to find new applications for widgets I barely comprehend leaves me down and drained . It will come to me , of that I have no doubt . Still , I have to keep pushing the adage about old dogs from my mind . Every night I go back to my hotel and study power point presentations , videos , catalogues and websites . I get trained on systems and products and part numbers during the day . Sometime late today I will head back home through the lousy Chicago traffic . I will get home when I do . It looks like the long weekend will be a wet one . So it goes . I stubbed my foot on the edge of the big dresser / TV stand thing in he hotel last night . I managed to rip the toenail off the middle toe on my right foot . I am going to guess that you do not want pictures . . . . We find out that people in Trump 's inner circle or even the President coordinated with the Russians to release the hacked DNC emails via Wikileaks . So what ? What crime has been committed ? That would be no different than NBC calling up Hillary and telling her about the Billy Bush video and asking her if she cares if they release it . Dirty politics is not illegal . How is it different than the NY Times publishing the Pentagon Papers or any of the dozens of leaks about Trump ? I can cook . I can clean . I can do minor carpentry , or simple plumbing repairs . I do windows . I can sew . But today , for the first time in 55 years , I ironed a shirt . The wife and I were heading out last evening to meet some friends for dinner . We were running late because one of us couldn 't get ready on time . You guess . Here is a hint : it was not the one named Joe . As I was about to get into the SUV something dark and furry scurried into he garage and hid under the granddaughter 's tricycle . It was a juvenile raccoon . I yelled " Get him , Jim " , but alas , I am not Marlon Perkins and this wasn 't Wild Kingdom . I would have to do my own critter wrangling . I used the trike to block his efforts to move deeper into the garage . I managed to block him with a combination of footwork and oaths until I got a hold of a broom . I then did my best - ever hockey goalie impersonation . Until the little hissing growling bastard ran under the car . I asked the wife if he came out the other side . She answered from the bottom of the driveway . Thanks for your help , Honey . But she did exhort me to close the car door on her side so that he " wouldn 't climb inside " . If you cannot tell , my wife has never been around animals . I told her to tell me of she sees the momma heading towards my back . She did not answer , but retreated into the street . I spotted the ' coon over by some shelving looking to hide behind the boxes . I beat him to the spot . That animal was starting to really hate my broom . I pushed him back . He arched and hissed and growled . He wanted deeper into the garage . I wanted him out . Stubborn met determination . I don 't know which trait was most representative of me , but I know I shoved the little bandit into a five gallon bucket . I win ! I covered the bucket with the broom . What does one do with a bucket of raccoon ? I thought about dumping him under the neighbor 's shed , but that wouldn 't be too neighborly . If the jerk who used to live there still occupied the place I would not have hesitated , but now ? Nah . . . But if I let him out near the shed , it is not my problem if he runs under there , is it ? The yard was wet and soggy and muddy from the almost two inches of rain we got earlier in the afternoon . Did I mention we were already running late ? I dumped my bucket of raccoon in the side yard and gave the critter a push in the general direction of the big hole beneath the neighbor 's shed . Little Rocky Raccoon gave a final deep growl , snapped at the broom one more time and headed in the opposite direction , towards my backyard . Seriously ? He climbed halfway up the fence post closest to the house and hung there , staring at me with malevolent eyes . I tried pushing him down with the broom , but the little growling fiend wedged himself into the boards and hung on tight . I called a truce . I suspect this was just the opening battle . I imagine the next front will be in the backyard . I hope he does not form a coalition with the rabbits and chipmunks . Posted by As populists throughout history have found ( just Google the Gracchi if you want a two thousand year old example ) fighting the established political powers is a perilous task . Far from draining the swamp , Trump is slowly sinking in the mire . Eventually he will be spit out covered in muck and mud and slime . Both political parties and the press want him to fail . His own insiders are stabbing him in tne back with the intensity of Brutus on Caeser . I doubt he has the brains or political savy to survive the daily death by a thousand cuts . The politicos may fight among themselves . They may squabble over who gets to divide the pie , but no one in Washington is interested in making the pie smaller . Politicians fight too hard , kiss too many asses , debase themselves in their quest for power and money . They will not give it up to an outsider , an interloper , a businessman . Spit . An outsider and populist never has a chance . When one does , like Hughey Long , he is eliminated . A flawed , shallow , megalomaniac such as Trump is easy pickings . He will destroy himself . He will build his own noose with ill - advised words and 40 character ravings . The press will hoist him on the scaffold and the political parties will nod in assent . Don 't fool yourself , Bernie Sanders would have suffered the same fate . The bureaucracy - - the modern Preatorian Guard - - is too entrenched , too corrupt to let anyone endanger the flow of money . I assure you more than one elected official lamented that voters get to , well actually vote , on election day . Many in the press and political class secretly believe they are far more equipped to select the leadership of the country . Trump is not a danger to The Republic . He is dangerous to the Republic as practiced by the powers in Washington . He will be cowed or destroyed . The socialist Democrats and the socialist - lite Republicans do not really care which path he chooses . He won 't be impeached . That will make the Republicans look bad and hurt heir chances of being in charge of cutting te pie in tne future . But they will work behind the scenes to make sure he does not last more than four years . This post is a prime example of the turdpool that is the life of everyone in my family . My oldest boy has a POS car . It is a 2005 Malibu and was not a great car when we bought it used 6 or 7 years ago . It was what we could afford . The car had electronics issues starting almost on day one , with the electric locks , windows and right brake light not working for years now . The headliner has started to fall , the stereo works intermittently . The boy has not taken good care of the car . I doubt it has been washed in a half dozen years . But it always ran fairly well , other than going through batteries every couple of years . This also could be a function of always replacing the battery with the cheapest possible option . Yesterday , he had to drive his girlfriend to Chicago to catch a plane at the World 's Worst Airport . On Monday he had the oil changed in his car . He bought a couple of new tires to replace the badly worn used ones he got last year . I 'm am sure this took every penny he managed to earn over the weekend in his job as bartender . The tires were needed , so he did not mind . The wife and I discussed letting him take our car . Since I left my old job I am out one company car , so her vehicle is all we have . In a selfish move we decided that letting him take our only vehicle was a risk we were not willing to make . On the way home , his car broke down . I suspect a thrown rod or worse . Luckily , it happened right at an Oasis * so he was able to coast off the highway . In another minor stroke of good luck I added roadside assistance and towing to our insurance a couple of months ago . He told the car repair place to give him an estimate . I tell you that any repair over $ 500 is too much to spend on that car . Even though the car is a junker , it beats a car payment . I fear the worst . So he wife and I drove to Chicago last night to fetch the boy . Then we drove home . 6 - 1 / 2 hours in round trip . We got home shortly after 1 : 00AM . I can look forward to making the trip again at he end of he week to either pick up the repaired car , or more likely to find a way to dispose of it . He doesn 't have the money to fix it and neither do I . If we have to junk it , he won 't even recoup the cost of the tires . They have less than 300 miles on them . That is the kind of luck we have . Still , we are blessed in so many ways . I told him if he focuses on all that is bad in his life , he misses the good . It is a mantra I repeat to myself many times a day . Some days it is pretty hard to see the microscopic good beneath the ocean of sewage . * The oasis rest stop is a unique Chicago institution . Look them up . He was at the South Holland establishment , almost at the state line . Yesterday was an unremarkable day in every way . Despite the turdstorm of life that usually swirls about me , it was nonetheless a great day . It was sunny and very warm , a midsummer - like day minus the suffocating humidity that we usually get in July or August . I took my granddaughter out to play in the late morning . We played ball , we blew bubbles . She made art on the drive with her chalk . She picked dandelions from the neighbor 's yard and tried to plant her " flowers " in my still - empty flower beds . I dragged her water table from the shed and filled it up . She was having so much fun I filled up her little plastic pool . She did not mind the water was cold . My wife fixed her a little picnic to eat outside . She played to near - exhaustion and fell into a deep sleep at nap time . We all had a ball . Who can be in a bad mood when a two - year - old is laughing and having a great time ? Trump will not be impeached in the next two years unless something new and drastic comes out . Look , someone leaked an incriminating tape of Trump making sexist remarks . That is no different than a hacker releasing Podesta emails . Politics is dirty . More importantly , Republicans control BOTH houses of Congress . Clinton committed perjury for goodness sake . Obama used the IRS to go after his political opponents . Not only was Obama not impeached for this abuse of power , no one even lost their job over it . A Republican Congress is not going to impeach and remove from office a Republican President , no matter how much they hate him . An indictment won 't even get out of committee . The ghost of Nixon is laughing . Democrats are now seeking to know if Trump taped his White House discussions . Probably he did . I bet Obama did too . Maybe Republicans will ask for those tapes from the hundreds of visits from the IRS chief to the Obama White House ? Or for those during the negotiations on the Iran non - treaty treaty . Certainly there are no " tapes " . There might be digital recordings , but those are easily edited . We are watching a hysterical political witch hunt . You lost . Get over it . I spent an hour yesterday on a post about Edward Hopper 's painting Summer Evening . That is about four times longer than I spend on a typical post . * After all of the effort , I could not get the image of the picture to appear . I even tried on my crappy laptop . I gave it about five minutes of effort again this morning . The heck with it . You can look it up at the link above , if you are so inclined . It looks to be a gorgeous day here at the old homestead . While it is in the forties as I peck on the keyboard , temperatures should top out in the low seventies today with sunshine . I can live with that . I have some yard work to do . We moseyed down to Shelbytucky last evening to visit with some old friends . We haven 't seen them much since we moved away a few years ago . I do not miss the old town where we lived for 24 years a single bit . I drove past the house where my kids grew up without a single nostalgic twinge . It is weird , I spent more than half of my adult life in that burg , but I harbor no fondness for the city . I guess it is because I never really worked there , I worked from a solitary office or from home and spent a lot of time on the road . Sure , I coached kid 's sports , and knew some people ; but I never put down roots in the community . My wife and kids certainly view the place as their hometown . Sadly , for me it was always just a place where I lived . If soda is so terrible that it needs to be taxed to reduce consumption why not tax coffee and lates with sweetener ? How about sweet tea ? Why stop there ? Liberals looking to protect me from myself should go after cake , pies , Twinkies , and candy bars . Philadelphia should tax Hershey bars . That will go over well with the folks in Hershey , PA . Hold on while I adjust my tinfoil hat . The Government wants to manage your health care so they can manage YOU . Sorry , Joe , you are overweight and diabetic . Here is a list of approved foods . We recommend Soilent Green . I moseyed off to bed around 11 : 30 last night . The wife came up a few minutes later . She was doing whatever she does on her iPad . I buried my head under my pillow and snuggled down on my stomach as I like to do . I fell asleep in a minute or two . This is usual . The wife shook me . She said my phone was ringing . It was my ' family member ' ringtone . I tumbled out of bed , blinking myself awake . I stumbled down the stairs . I checked my phone . I had a missed call at 12 : 12 AM . It was from my wife . You know , the one in bed next to me . The one who woke me up . The one who said my phone was ringing . " What the heck ? It was you " I said as I crawled back into bed . She gave a sheepish laugh and explained she was falling asleep as she checked her phone and must have accidentally dialed me . I buried my head under my pillow and snuggled down on my stomach as I like to do . I fell asleep in a minute or two . Good natured revenge is a dish best served cold . I get up way earlier than she does on the weekends . It is once again raining . Despite a few days of sun , the soil is still waterlogged and small puddles are forming in the yard already . I am glad I mowed yesterday . My Son - in - Law had to go to a business conference this week , so I cut his grass yesterday as well . According to my trusty and probably not too accurate iPhone , I walked over five miles yesterday . Since pretty much all of that exercise was from pushing a mower , I can posit that walking was in 20 or 21 inch wide strips across two lawns . Mowing 13 , 000 steps is not as boring as slogging on a treadmill , but pretty close . It should have been to bed . I don 't know what I was thinking . I stayed up until almost 2 : 30 watching all 18 innings of the Cubs - Yankees game last night . I was tired when the contest started . I dozed off more than once in the early innings . This morning I am running on fumes . I spent Sunday at my daughter 's helping paint trim and shutters ; most of the time perched high up on a ladder doing the second story . In addition to tired , I 'm also a bit sore . But it looks to be a good day . I hope the weather remains clear , I have mowing to do . Happy Saturday , Blog World . Everyone is in a tizzy since the House passed a slightly different version of ObamaCare . Republicans claim they fixed things . Democrats heave a sigh of relief and are gleeful that someone else now owns the piece of crap . The rest of us just wonder what happened to " repeal " ? In any case the Senate will change stuff around . In the end , we will still have a big government version of healthcare that is expensive , hated by everyone except the lobbyists and big hospital chains . You and me , we will have high deductibles and coverage we don 't want . We can be secure in the knowledge that in 10 years the system will be so broken , so expensive , so . . . crappy , that we will all clamor for single - payer ( read Government healthcare ) . I can hardly wait until going to the doctor is like a trip to the BMV . Think otherwise ? Just google ' VA hospital ' . Work on the Ark continues as the rains fall in torrents It is another wet , dreary , windy , soggy day . There is water standing in various parts of the yard . The soil is a soggy sponge , completely waterlogged . And still it rains . Flooding has become a widespread problem as fields , parking lots , streams , and ponds overflow . The problem with flat land is that excess water is not funneled , but just spreads . That means fewer flash floods , but more areal flooding . I wish I had tried to mow the grass during the brief dry spell Tuesday . The rain is supposed to finally end sometime Saturday afternoon . It will remain chilly through next week . Enough of the weather report . Today is the big Mexican holiday we celebrate in America . I have a couple of brands of Mexican beer in the garage ' fridge . I may crack one when I watch the ball game this afternoon . Nope . I have the day off . Next week too . And the next one . I accepted a new job this past Monday . I start on the 22nd . My current former employer was a bit miffed and decided he would rather pay me to sit at home rather than get what he imagined would be a half - hearted , lame - duck effort . That was his choice . The crazy part is I will not be a competitor in my new gig . I 'm going into a new ( old for me ) industry . I 'm going back into the widget business , calling on the same customer base I enjoyed for the first half of my career . I am excited and happy . More importantly , I 'm going to an employer that seems to value its employees , not a penny - pinching - screw - the - worker company that cares little for anything but money . And yes , I know that business only exist to make money , but constant employee turnover does effect the bottom line and customer satisfaction . As proof I offer that twice in the past two years I have found my base and commissions cut to ensure my annual compensation remains steady , despite increasing sales by double digits and exceeding my sales plan . I was told in January that my latest " rate adjustment " reflected what they wanted to pay me all along , but knew I wouldn 't have taken the job on those terms . The boss was shocked I quit . I am pretty sure the voters sent a message last November . We elected a buffoon , an outsider in a deliberate attempt to make you understand we are tired of politics as usual . We gave you control of The House , The Senate , and the Presidency . In return get a budget that any Democrat would be proud of . No ObamaCare repeal , no spending cuts ( but plenty of increases ) , Planned Parenthood still gets money , no funding for increased border protection , no wall . What the heck ? We , the voters , gave you everything you asked for . In return we get a kick in the balls . For years you insider Republicans have told us that shutting down the government is so bad that by doing so it would hurt the Party in subsequent elections . Now , you refuse to let the Democrats shut down the government because . . . ? Going back to the Dark Ages I opined that there is no reason to vote for a Democrat - lite when I could vote for the real thing . America proved that in 2008 when they gave control to the Democrats . In 2012 we stayed home rather than vote for a Democrat - lite in Mitt Romney . I guess you learned nothing . Enjoy your committee chairmanships while you can . 2018 is just around he corner .
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we don 't know what to do with each other . everyone is looking at a screen . everyone is miscommunicating or misunderstanding each other , either because we were looking at screens when we were trying to make a plan , or because screens have killed any communication skills we maybe once had . we don 't know how to talk . we don 't know how to listen . all your big dreams shrink to fit back inside the old house , back into your dark heart . they smolder there and you expect to be embarrassed to talk about them , but no one asks you anyway . you 've already been written off . the dreams die without a fire . ask your mother when you began to hate everything . you guess college but she answers " middle school " and probably she is right . she says she felt this way but she hated hating and the world was too much so she gave it up . but she doesn 't tell you not to . just from watching doctor who with the family you love , the family you crave , you know that something is wrong . you almost cried , to recall the brilliance of Lucille ball . why can 't we all ? why can 't we ? what stops us ? strips us ? the moon is full and the grass is wet and it 's 85 degrees on Christmas . the world is dying and broken and full of plastic . you know you 're either dead or fighting . you the whole crew silently filed into town overnight and somehow i saw . they seem to not have particular powers , no pointy teeth , only marginally violent , definitely terrifying , dangerous . i 'm drawn right to them , or maybe i can 't leave . they take over an abandoned building and its all ours . i should 've written it down right away . it 's all gone now . teenagers rolls up , snatches my phone , and hops on the boarding train ( not my train ) . I 'm thinking " well fuxk it " but a good samaritan holds the door long enough for me to grab my bags , jump on and take off . I find the teens , who say they threw the phone in the grass before they got cop car ride to the airport . i ask what will happen next and she tells me the kids are being arrested and taken down to the station . I feel pretty fuxking rotten about this . now the detective and police station are blowing up my phone to get my statement two billion times and they want me to testify in court . thanks for retrieving my phone and getting me on the plane . . . but can I politely decline ? ? I 'm not sure what punishment the system would give to these kids but I can 't imagine it will help them . i have a lot to say and a lot of need to say it . it 's hard to make myself make time for writing down words . i usually write the first nugget of an idea , intending to continue later , and just never do . half the posts on this blog from the last year are unfinished , you can probably tell . i 've just been sucked into an internet wormhole for the last 2 - 3 hours . my latest " hobby " is obsessively saving websites i like on the wayback machine so that they are PRESERVED FOREVER by great mother internet . this evening , the category was livejournals and yes you have to click through the whole journal to get every page archived , but there 's a big chunk on the screen there so you can 't do a whole lot of reading while you 're saving , which is very irritating and not productive . first of all , i miss livejournal . which is blasphemous , i know , since i held out for so long and never really got so into it , always solo floundering about over here instead . but i miss the whole concept , people sharing such small thoughts and writing mostly for themselves - - for the exercise and for the document and for the hell of it . facebook has never been remotely close to that , and never will be . ( that very thought makes me want to delete fucking facebook right now , but what am i gonna do , sit over there and be the only non - russian person on livejournal ? no . ) i wonder if people are still writing somewhere . . . online ? on paper ? word documents ? and , are these people , are my friends and peers still writing at all ? ( other than the ones who are being paid to do it , the lucky beautiful bastards ) or is it really just something that young people do ? and i dunno , i guess i 'm old , aren 't they all on snapchat ? or is there anything at all like lj for these kids nowadays . i 'm saying . and also just seeing these quick flashes , each page a new season , the ups and downs , stresses and excitements , everything so huge and overwhelming , the passion , the potential . and what are we doing now ? some of us took off like rockets , having seemingly always known exactly what we wanted . but the rest of us ( the real " us " ) seem to roll along and dip and fall and land and roll along some more . maybe i 'm mostly talking about me , but it seems that it 's just hard to do the things we 're meant to do and harder not to hate every day . i know we 're living in a broken world within a spirit - crushing , oppressive system , but to remember so clearly , to look back at all your bubbling words and feelings and the THRILL and maybe you didn 't know exactly what you wanted to do with your life , but you knew what it felt like . and we none of us could make it happen . i 'm tired of blaming myself for not being good enough , for fucking up or feeling like one , for not having things " figured out . " actually i do have it figured out dammit and what i figure is that this culture wasn 't built for us and that 's why we 're broken . it 's time to take it back . and i don 't care if you think it sounds stupid because it 's fucking true , and if you know it 's true , you won 't think it 's stupid . so let 's fucking go . i 'm tired of seeing my friends with tense faces and old news and it fucking kills me and i 'm so sad that you 're not loving your life because you 're the best and i want you to have everything and i want us to build it beautiful together . i just ate a whole bunch of delicious dumpstered goat cheese and avocado on wheat toast and it was delicious and i loved it . the whole fridge is full and all of it was free . i 've met real life witches and i 've seen what 's in the cupboard and it 's amazing . i really do want you all to join me , i want us to go together . it 'll be so much easier , and much more fun . and if not here , then where ? what does the good life look like to you ? how do we get there ? what 's stopping us ? this is the end of the black cherry cider , and the end of the night , almost dawn . if i can sleep , i 'll try for some good visions and if i remember , i 'll write them down . sitting here wishing at at east wind , there 's a male majority , and the closest town with a bar is 20 miles away . commies in the ozarks get lonely too . from out of the autumn night rain , i shuffled into the cramped sunnyside commons , bumbling with my bags and beer and too many coats , sloppy smiling , and i became meat . the freshest sort , from one or two communes over , but as yet unclaimed . a dozen people crammed in this small room , and i felt them mentally undress me , i i don 't know what to do with men 's interest in me . i guess i 'm a little flattered but mostly confused by it . they all like my dimpled smile , they like that i think , they think it 's cute that i 'm awkward , they always like it when i 'm nervous . my confusion takes the lead in the dance of the flirt . i refuse to believe that this is what 's happening , i thought we were friends . i didn 't expect him to take it there . his room is its own circular structure , right by the dribbling creek , falling down , half whole , mysterious , broken . is this how you saw me ? how did you see me at all ? i will entertain the conversation , i will drink his dandelion wine . i 'm a sucker for the bottom of the barrel , let me keep going till i find it . finally i 'll stop my awkward talking long enough for him to ask to kiss me . thank you for asking . he won 't know until after he 's done it that i like pain but he won 't understand what kind . he will have already had his hands inside me and will have bitten my meat until the blood vessels pop and the bruises flower up . sitting here wishing at i 'm so mad at myself about the battery that i 'm not present , not engaging , not actively asking questions or trying to learn new people . and i 'm feeling like a grump , irritated by everything , constant frown . i feel myself faking it trying to let loose and it feels awful . i 'm wasting my life , it 's clear . ethan is adamant that we shouldn 't feel too guilty about our own habits up to this point ; that will only lead to more suffering , more pain . self - hate is not the solution . it 's funny what impressions i have of the different communities before i get there . i guess i thought i wouldn 't be interested in this place - - why , exactly ? i can 't recall now , and i can 't remember details , just a vague impression . maybe because they have a " gift economy " which in Point A world is not as interesting or radical as income - sharing and therefore is null . maybe because it 's just a small farm with one family in the middle of nowhere , missouri . but being here , maybe it 's the college tour , i get the sense that they 're engaged on a broader level than most of the other communities i 've met . they host quaker meetings , craft nights , work days , straw bale building workshops and permaculture trainings . they just got back from a rally ( ? ? ) in detroit for water rights . at every community i visit , i consider living there , if only for a moment . on this day , in light of all this mess , i wonder what my life would be like without electricity , without screens . how important are they and how much do i need them , really ? for that moment when i imagine myself in whichever community , i can be anything , i have a whole beautiful life there for myself . and every life , in every land , is always different . i listen so much , it 's one of the few things i 'm really good at , that i value about myself . so often i hear you before you 've spoken . sometimes i can answer before you 've said it - - and then you interrupt me to tell me your thought and it was exactly what i thought . why can 't you hear me ? ? Self - love is the killer , huh ? It 's so easy to love humanity , even when they 're messing up the world - or at least your group of friends who are trying a little harder - but when it 's just you rattling around in your own head it 's harder to feel tolerant , much less enthusiastic , about what you find . You can rely on the love of your sweethearts or closest friends , but only so far . Sooner or later , you 've got to face that inner doesn 't need an excuse . You are loveable because you are here with us , offering something this world has never seen . Whether you can feel it yet , you 're being held and seen . dreamed this dumb boy was my partner but when we walked through the gate at the backyard party , he still followed around the other dumb boy like a helpless puppy . " I thought you were * my * boyfriend ? ? " then I climbed the tallest tower , metal and open with a slightly creaky sway . at the top , some of my cozy familiar things I think . i lay on my stomach facing out and got off in the night wind . i have to climb back down but I 'm distracted by a pair of mostly white cats with weird black markings , brother / sister ? and a couple young guys creeping around the bushes and pouting up and laughing . clearly they 've seen me but I 'm not particularly phased . i have to get up and start moving again but I 'm so exhausted , I feel tired to the point of craziness , like I will certainly fall and maybe something worse if I keep going . what happens ? I just wake up from my nap and realize I 'm still exhausted . don 't worry , honey , skip the meeting . skip the party too , if that 's what you need . skip life and stay in bed ; just sleep . sitting here wishing at we didn 't talk for 70 hours after our 24 - hour text conversation turned argument turned ? i had to stop it , i needed space . i had gotten so stressed and anxious that the break felt really good , better than i expected . of course , it was an insanely busy weekend , between Quercus work party , art party , party party , packing seeds , richmond zine fest , after party , dancing at the dyke bar , Food Not Bombs , and dishes for miles . so really , there wasn 't any time to miss you . but it 's really hard for that type of communication ( you express low feelings , i try to comfort you ) to be the only thing happening in our relationship . i 'm not saying that 's all it ever is , but sometimes it does happen for days at a time , and that 's really draining for me . i 'm not saying that you shouldn 't share with me or express yourself . i just want us to have better balance because most of the time i feel like i 'm carrying you . but actually that 's my main issue . a lot of the time i really don 't feel like you hear me and when i expressed that , you actually told me it wasn 't the issue , " it 's not about not hearing you . " i 'm sorry , honey , but you don 't get to decide that . then you say i don 't actually ask for support and you 're basically admitting the problem : because when i ask , you don 't hear me . this is what frightens me and makes me anxious and sad . i don 't know where we 're going if we have to keep having the same conversation , if we can literally have this argument for 24 hours and not reach any conclusions . and i am so terrified of hurting you , offending you , breaking you , that i don 't even think i can tell you any of this . what really sucks is that i 'm so fucking happy here ; this weekend was the best i 've felt in a long time . . . . . and i 've been antidepressant free for almost a month now , and i can 't believe i still feel this good . i see a beautiful life for myself here and i want you to have this beauty too , but i fear , i feel we 're floating , veering off in different directions . my needs are not your needs , and vice versa . a couple weeks ago , i asked what you wanted for your life , what you dreamed for the future , what your happy looks like . i don 't actually remember what i asked you , but i remember your answer was so different from mine . you want stability and contentment , a good job with enough money to meet your medical needs and support a middle class lifestyle . you want the american dream , and i want to dismantle it . the veggie soup has chicken stock , donated pre dumpster so technically it 's freegan . I almost eat it but I almost cry at the thought . I 'd rather go hungry I decide . worse things have happened . do no harm or whatever . plus I 've already had one meal today which is better than other days . why is food so fucking hard ? ? especially on this trip where food is a major theme , a center point of community . am I being dumb by sticking so hard to my vegetarianism ? even GPaul the vegan eats piles of dumpster meat . am I just being stubborn ? what products are more evil ? I 'm smoking newports for fucks sake . I 'm already ruined . already I 'm wondering if I can convince Lando to stop on the road for subway or Taco Bell or some such garbage because I 'm clinging so hard to this one thing : I dont eat animals . I just can 't do it . maybe this is absurd but it 's been over seven years now and it may be the truest thing I 've committed to . so I sit outside and smoke and think and feel hungry and wonder if this is a condition of my privilege . yes , probably . and is it but of course i can 't . i munch on home fries and bits of tofu , and reagan gives us granola for the road , the ridiculous road of me and lando and a new friend named steph , and somehow it takes us 6 hrs to do a normally 3 hour drive . but of course we make it , despite it all , and acorn is now warm and familiar and weirdly enough people are happy to see me . sitting here wishing at and then the train with river wild , and finally seeing rex across broadway , in front of roma 's pizza . we dance the distance until the lights change . our reunion on the streets and at the overcrowded dyke bar , cash only . but friday night and too many straight boys and overpriced weak whisky pushes us to the corner store , the tiny park , the street . rex doubts his inner queens compass and modern convenience leads us astray . we never do find the water , let alone the pier . what we find is a strangely deserted bright street with a rock . without protest , the rock lets us talk and sit and drink and piss and nearly fall asleep right on it , until rex gets us going , back to the subway and the walk through the garden apartments to the cluttered cozy jackson heights townhouse where we can whisky steelie sleep through the morning . except that rex has a bus to boston at dawn , so i oversleep alone , try to slip out quietly , but am thwarted by his mom , nourished with apple fritter , sweet talk , and decaf . the journey back to staten island takes two meandering hours , and the ferry is soothing this time . ganas is a strange green maze with its own sidewalks , raised up from the street ; is this the real city ? there is a palpable tension between old and new , the steadfast 60s communards and the invigorated younger set , fresh for revolution . " it 's time to turn , to revolve , it 's always time , " we say , as we huddle on our porches , sneak a smoke , scurry when we hear them coming . wednesday rolls around and i still don 't make it up in time for the 730am planning meeting , especially not from the extra house at the bottom of the hill . i still can 't handle time , i 'm one step slow all day , and even run late to rex 's show at the new york city bureau of human services queer division , and the building was even more swanky than the name . everyone is beautiful gayz and i 'm so proud to see rex his cap his bow tie his perfect poems and py arrives right at the end , during the glitter rap dance party , the queer cafe unsure how not to shake . pyrite is a vision in the village , vegetarian and mostly sober , until we spot the stella . " it 's the gay beer , " we 're told . we fold into a flock , a glistening smoking parade brigade , back to the dyke bar , cash only , whisky bourbon on special . but it twisted and you left us underground in the sick yellow light , where we continued to follow that dolorous brick road through the tunnel , to the dive with the whisky and the filthy foggy back room . it 's no wonder i can 't remember what was said . but we make it our home , for now , and i could live here forever until rex persuades me to leave , he in his infinite wisdom , with his mind on new york time , and again quit my pointless flirting and i 'll hold my brother 's hand on the train to queens , and again i 'll share your bed until morning , but this time i have a bus , and two ferrys , and ten trains to catch to make richmond tonight , where i 'll hitch a ride to twin oaks with comrades , albeit strangers , friends who have never met . The Keep is a bright and cheery collective house in one half of a three - story duplex in DC 's Park View neighborhood . With only six bedrooms , at first the place strikes me as a little small for a commune , but with a spacious kitchen and common area for the entire ground floor , I soon see why this is the Point A DC headquarters . The eight members of the Keep are young , vibrant , beautiful folks , bubbling over with sexual energy and crazy infectious laughter . More than a few of them went to Oberlin College , and it turns out there are mutual friends among us . It seems so silly to realize that the world is so impossibly small , but then again , of course it is . I arrive just in time to be whisked away to a sold - out punk show , where two of my newest favorite bands are playing , and these kids just happened to have one extra ticket . . . . fate ! A local electronic artist opens the show , followed by Girlpool , a duo who appear to be barely out of high school . . . reminds me of my first tour with SV way back in the day , in the summer following our senior year . Frankie Cosmos closes the night , the first show on her tour , so the band seems a little wobbly and still getting into a groove , but they still sound great to me . I buy their CD and the six of us somehow stuff ourselves back into Feonix 's compact car to be driven back home . . . . " Home , " rather , as I 'm only here for a week , and the little patch of this place that is " mine " is a piece of memory foam mattress on the floor , in a row of mattresses on the floor , in a ridiculously low - ceilinged attic with no AC . This bizarre room is known as the Garret , an almost - 4th floor , and it 's where most of the Keep 's numerous guests stay , including me and GPaul . Upon arrival , you will be ushered up the three flights of stairs ( the last one little more than a wooden ladder ) and you will hunch , crawl , or scuttle to the floor mattress of your choosing - - the ceiling is only 4 feet tall . But there are clean linens , towels , and condoms , all provided free of charge by your generous hosts . In the morning , you 'll see there is one skylight window , higher the rest of the ceiling , where you can stand up to put on your pants . You 're the last one awake , so turn off the fan and be grateful that even without it , this feels better than Austin in August . The sunflowers sway in the tiny front garden , and the Keep is its own little universe in what is otherwise a pretty rough , run - down neighborhood . The world beyond the porch is a harsh one , and at night , we hear the people and the sirens screaming in the street . At night , the rats come out , and I see who the sunflowers really belong to . You are so fragile , sometimes I don 't know how to hold you . I want to be a soft place for you in a hard world , but sometimes I find myself craggy , a beach of broken glass + pebbles instead of sand . You don 't deserve to wash up here . When I feel lost + broken , I pull away to spare you , but it apparently just makes things worse . We both fall backwards into silence + despair . amy and I talked about the selfishness of artists and wondered if that 's what it takes to make anything worthwhile . do I have to stop everything else ? not that it is anything but I haven 't written in weeks , months , years . what do I want anymore ? can I blame the place or the job or just me ? a borrowed beer on the porch , a beer too often . a smuggled smoke , ashes again . these small sacrifices grow a larger harvest . they don 't answer the questions or the problem . where can I go ? my home under the hill ? I 've almost stopped believing . there 's truly no place for me . the truth is I 'm stuck again and I hate myself for it . the worser truth is that I don 't see any way out . even though there are people out there waiting for me , wanting me to bring the fire , I can 't believe that it 's the right fire . I only have one flame and it 's gone out . nothing to be done now . have another smoke , another drink , don 't think . It 's like a ton of bricks have hit me , realizing you 're gone , Brittany . Working the last six days without you has been rocky , so please excuse me if I frumble . we 're struggling to treat the worst wound ever seen in the history of apa and it 's located in the place where you 're missing . you are the heart , the strongest and longest running part of the cat team , and it 's unlikely that we 'll be able to find a transplant . When I first arrived at Austin Pets Alive , I was thrown into the cattery mid - kitten season , alone , sink or swim , with only a smidgen of first - hand cat medical knowledge and zero shelter experience . Laylee introduced me to Brittany as a fellow introvert : the first thing I learned was that we shared anxieties , fears , sensitivities , sadness . And still I saw her whip out a smile for every visitor and watched her adopt out cats with such confidence , I knew I would be okay . Brittany was always there to answer every question , gently offer advice , and quietly provide feedback without ever criticizing . Without her guidance , reassurance , and closing - time venting smoke breaks , I would 've drowned . Each poop picture , each sketchy adopter , each dumb question , she would always try to help . Any time a situation was so draining , so painful , so difficult that i wanted to give up , i found myself asking " what would Brittany do ? " every time , I found the answer was the most selfless option . But she wanted reassurance too . She never thought she was good enough , always wanted to be better . She set herself at such high standards that she set the standard for all of us . She wanted to be able to give them everything . She took the worst ones , she held and healed and coaxed and loved , and I saw them transform , just from being around her . How proud she was of each Dazey 's grad , how she brought them to cattery when they cleared , each one a present at our door . each accomplishment , each life , and Brittany bubbling over with anticipation to put the soul on a name tag , and sometimes crying to say goodbye , although they were only one building over , never really gone . you will never really be gone . your blood sweat tears soul in the walls , in the concrete , in the porous germy crevices of the blueboxes we so despise . you are laughing in our hearts , still creeping and scheming . I don 't know what I 'm going to do without you . Who will compare leg hair in our cut off jeans in the sweltering summer in the height of kitten season ? Who will snort with laughter at my terrible jokes , and whine about our angst for hours after closing time , and giggle " I 'll grab your butt " so that I don 't litter ? I must 've known it was a dreAm because I started writing everything down in the middle , needing to remember . four clans . a prophecy of course . they had been tracking us for years , they had seen it all and put the pieces together . I don 't really know why I 'm here or what 's going on . we 're gathering in a huuuuuuge auditorium , hundreds of people . I can 't settle on a place to sit bc I 'm all alone . I stumble into an area where no one is sitting and realize it must be reserved for the performance . woops . scuttle into a corner and settle in . and I 'm not wrong , there are male acrobats in shiny sequins who spring out somewhere along the way . so extreme and over tr top wow . later I 'm fiddling with something ( a mouse maybe ? ) and they see me and call me out . how ? ? why ? ? they escort me out or I 'm trying to walk somewhere else and get intercepted . they put me on a spaceship with dozens of others . ( mostly women ? ) I 'm starting to see differences between the people , between the nations . two are more powerful , bigger , more numbers . one of these is flashy sequin decadence pop and the other is more nationalist harder military but still decadent in a different way . how to explain the others ? ? ? ? in the bathroom one woman showed me a picture of a harpy , " this is what you will be . this is what I am . " there is a sense of death surrounding them . they would rather kill each other than have the prophecy come to pass . and I do feel that I have something of a choice . people are pulling me like something can change . it 's not set in stone . then she rescues me . I don 't remember the details but she finds me in the crowd and smuggles me out to her own ship . at first I 'm confused . later I 'm in love . these are my people . and we are fugitives . later we get separated and I 'm supposed to follow her by piloting my own ship which of course I 've never done before . it 's okay at first but I just can 't get the hang of it fast enough and I lose them . I think I crash and they find me . they 're still trying to figure out if I am the one they think . they ask all kinds of strange and invasive questions . " did you have the clear coccidia ? " and my family . supposedly my seemingly normal mother was a harpy too and could transform at will . And yet they 're all being so nice , no one wants to upset me , no one hurts me . they must think I 'm powerful . I have a mouse friend from somewhere . actually it might be a person in mouse form that I 'm watching over . that other hRpy 's daughter ? she transformed her own child into a mouse to make a point . they would rather die than see the wrong future . I 'm carrying her everywhere but she gets away from me . I crawl under a huge gate to get outside and find her but it 's too late . there 's a creature in the bushes crouching down . . I think maybe she 's still out there but the creature smacks his jaw open closed one time and I see the tail inside . I know she 'll find me . I 'm writing everything down in orange crayon . I know she 'll come back for me . sitting here wishing at girl gang I can already feel the new year crackling even through the haze of being sick and the pounds of phlegm in my chest and head . it 's alive ! the year of freedom and bliss , we already called it . we freed the fish and the fish freed us . Hey ! So we 're still figuring this recipe video stuff out , but we 're moving right along . For our second one , here 's how to make a super - flavorful homemade s . . . Welcome Priestesses ! ! This is our special temple page for the Sagittarius Full Moon . We would love for you to share what is going on for you right now ! Th . . . There are so many little things to keep track of for a successful animation shoot . Paper that doesn 't want to lay flat must be controlled . Things that coul . . . As the snow blankets the mountains for winter , I think back on some of the sunny days this fall . In September , I traveled to Eastern Oregon for work . It . . . I 've decided to interview all the women in my family - - in part because i want to open up conversations i don 't often have . About emotions . I want to learn . . . I like to do predictions on big elections . That way you can judge if I know much of anything about politics and if this blog is worth reading . Without furt . . . * Watch The 300 Spartans movie online streaming HD for free * . Full movie The 300 Spartans with streaming HD quality without credit card . * Easy ways to watch . . . Mel Richardson , veterinarian and animal advocate died , suddenly , on January 2nd . He was 63 years old . Mel accomplished so much in his lifetime . He also tau . . . My god - damn dog is turning sixty and I can barely crawl out of bed to give that poor pooch a proper jubilee . I 'm so old and my feet and are so worn . It is . . . Wet Spots t - shirts now available ! Yellow & black on white 100 % cotton tees . $ 10 + shipping . Printed by Bad Skull in Oakland , modeled by Pookie . So , after several years of * Letters With Mixtapes * , I 'm calling it quits . It 's been a good run and the response to the site has been overwhelming . Much mo . . . Book by Thomas Fox Averill of Topeka * " You 've cooked until your food is you and you are your food . " She was right . Food had been everything in my family . . . The Blondises are good folk . They run Central BBQ here in Memphis , and it 's a definite favorite of many Memphians . I 'm sure they serve their fair share of . . . I am receiving phone calls and emails from people wanting to know if Bomb the Blight will be back this winter . Well , I need suggestions for locations . At . . . Alright , as promised , a few snippets from what we have been working on . These shots are really about the process we have been developing . I will post mor . . . * Disclaimer : Events recounted hereafter occurred greater than three months before they were described . Details may be fuzzy . But it 's the best I can do . * It 's been quite some time since I 've updated this . I got myself a website ( www . kwilson . carbonmade . com ) in this time . But there 's no place for feedback ther . . . So everybody has their little things , I guess . Mine just happens to be anal . Flash to my mother 's face , ugly with contempt , weathered and wrinkled , compl . . . I dont know anything about blogging or posts or anything . . . but ive been at a loss recently and ive been out of touch . I would like to write now . I would li . . . okay . here 's the deal . i need to make at least $ 4000 by the end of july . otherwise , i won 't be able to go back to school . i 've worked really hard to get wh . . .
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I am going to take a little Babywise vs AP blogging break and talk a bit about something that touched very close to home this past weekend though the incident ( s ) were not a one time thing but something that seems to happen fairly often in my new parenting life . People seem to think that children are property of some sort that are just up for grabs or up to the discipline of anyone that randomly feels like stepping in and " parenting " for a moment . As you can tell I can be a little bitter about this topic . Maybe bitter isn 't the word for it . I am not bitter I just believe very firmly that the only people that should discipline a child is someone who is invested in that child 's life . When you are invested in a child 's life , when you love them , then you will discipline accordingly . I have been in several frustrating situations regarding this issue . Just this past weekend it was actually a young girl who followed my son around and told him no or re - directed him every time he did anything for a while . I just remained silent and kept removing my son from the situation but it finally became apparent that I needed to do more . I calmly turned to the girl and told her that I appreciated her attempt to help but I that I was his mother and was watching him carefully and would be the one to discipline him if need be . Believe it or not my heart was pounding and I was nervous to say anything ! This brought back the moment in the coffee shop that I had with an older woman where she actually grabbed my son and told him no even though all he was doing was wandering the shop under the close supervision of my husband and I ( we were sitting having coffee with my sister and bro in law ) . I didn 't say anything to that woman . I was , and still am , disappointed with myself . I didn 't stick up for my child . I will not miss an opportunity like that again . One of the best things that my parents did for me was to stick up for us , their children , all of the time . We were well behaved in public and we were disciplined but with love by parents who were fully invested in us . Every time that someone else who was not invested in us stepped in to that position our parents very nicely but firmly corrected the situation . They always told people in our hearing that they wanted us to stick around and that we were not an inconvenience , that they truly enjoyed our company . Those words made all the difference in our lives . That is what I want for my child . Jasmine Carlson ( 50 Posts ) Jasmine is a community living mama with a passion for fierce writing and fitness . She her way on Team USA by fitness coaching . Shaping Her . I definitely agree that , as parents , we should stick up for our children , and that we need to make sure that we are the primary forces for positive discipline in their lives , not to mention the primary source for comfort and affirmation . One of my pet peeves as a parent is hearing someone tell my child , " Oh , you 're OK , stop crying ! " if she fell down or got hurt . It 's also never OK for someone else to grab my child , humiliate them , or discipline them in a negative way . But I have to disagree on the idea that only parents ( or other emotionally invested people ) should discipline a child . As the mother of three children who have had lots of playground time with much bigger as well as much smaller children , and having had the oldest two go through co - op nursery school and start elementary school , I think there are many times in life when we have to act like we live in a village and discipline each other 's children , even strangers ' children . That discipline should be positive and gentle - but - firm , in my opinion , but I think it 's not realistic or part of what socialization is all about to set up a rule that no one can discipline anyone else 's child . For example , on the playground , if a bunch of older children are being too rough on the play equipment around smaller children , I will step in and remind them of the rules . ( No pushing , one at a time , be careful of the little ones , etc . ) It doesn 't matter whether my children are the older , louder ones or the smaller , more vulnerable ones - the rules have to be enforced or someone is going to get hurt . And the fact is , other parents aren 't always there to do the disciplining of their own children . Maybe they 're distracted by the needs of another child , or maybe they 're on the phone , or maybe they 're just not where the action is - it doesn 't really matter . If I need to tell someone else 's child that he may not push a younger child out of the way , I do it in the same way that I do it to my own children - without yelling , but firmly and with the expectation that that child will listen to me . Disciplining other people 's children is also part of protecting my own . Again on the playground - I will not hesitate to step in if another child is doing something that is hurting or scaring my child or threatening to cause him or her harm . In order to protect my own child I have to enforce the rules against another person 's child and it 's not always the case that I can find that parent and ask her to step in in time to prevent harm or hurt to my own . Do I rush up and butt in where a parent has the situation under control ? No , of course not ! But many times other parents have provided appropriate discipline to my children in a social setting where I wasn 't right there ( for example , sitting on a bench nursing the baby or changing her diaper ) and I 'm OK with that . There have also been times where I 've had to intervene to protect my children from inappropriate discipline , or talk to them afterwards about how a parent disciplined their child in a way that we try not to do in our family . Wonderful article . I need to learn to do that more too . I usually lie down and take it … and get so frustrated with myself for it . Anyway , what makes people think they have the right to discipline other people 's children ? Thank you so much for posting this . I had a similar situation with a young girl and my son . I was reluctant to say anything to her because her mother was right there . I was hoping her mother would take care of it . At one point she actually grabbed my son 's clothes and shouted in his 17 month old face " No ! We don 't do that ! " I finally took him away . Her mother just kind of laughed and said " Oh , she just thinks she 's the ' Playdate Police ' . " We never went back . And I feel guilty for not saying anything . It won 't happen again . I don 't know where you live but HERE . . well … disciplining other people 's children is a necessity ! Parents here do NOT care about their children ! I have SO wanted to teach some of these parents a lesson and invite their child into my home for some ice cream and just let them hang out here for awhile … Meanwhile waiting for the parents to have a heart attack when ( if ) they realize their child is not " around " . WHY you ask , the kids here play outside from morning till night with NO supervision . There was a four year old who routinely walked from our apartments to the neighboring apartment complex ! ! His parents NEVER knew where he is . Another property I managed a FIVE year old was out playing with his two year old brother . The two year old would ROUTINELY walk up the stairs to the second and third floor balconies and then SCREAM because he didn 't know how to go DOWN the stairs . The five year old would be punished when the two year old did this ( he should be watching his brother ! ! ) . The five year old also crossed construction caution tape , climbed a ladder and was " surfing " on scaffolding built in an akward spot . The spot was so bad ( On a flight of stairs ) that there were TWO men holding it steady while another man was on it . Now this five year old is surfing on it ! When the parent was notified she asked where her child was now , when told it was unknown she decided instead of LOOKING for her child she would stand at the front door and just SCREAM for him . This is NORMAL here . As a parent and community member we here often have to tell children to stop , no , don 't do that ; even though they are not our children ! Last night there were about six children digging in the dirt creating huge craters for people to fall and twist their ankle in . I told them to fill in the holes and STOP digging them . They have been told this SEVERAL times before . Me and my downstairs neighbor have filled the holes in ourselves SEVERAL times ( they are right in front of the downstairs neighbors front door , where her child and minReply I have to step in with my mother in law . She is someone who speaks louder and more harshly than she intends . She can be being nice or joking , but her tone is always very crass sounding . She often says to my 18 month old son " you 're bad " . I try to coax her to saying " we say ' silly ' " , but it seems to be falling on deaf ears . We are also gentle with our discipline . Sure there are times when I have given my son a firm " no " , but in general I explain things … . and he listen and responds very well . For example , I will explain that the dog 's food and water is for the dog and not for him to play in , and that it is yucky for babies . Now he stays away from the dog 's bowls and makes yucky sounds at them . If she sees him even going toward the bowls she yells " NO " too firmly and too shrill . It scares him and hurts his feelings . I have to stand up to her and tell her to back off , but I don 't want to hurt her feelings or put strain on our relationship . What a tricky subject ! I think we should stand up for our children . I was visiting family and my 3 year old niece kept taking her toys away from my then 8 month old son . I went and brought in his toys from the car . She grabbed his toys and still didn 't let him touch hers . I didn 't want to discipline her , so I removed my son to an area with there were none of her toys . I played there with my son with his toys and she joined us also playing with his toys . This time when she went to take away a toy I told her he was playing with it and it was his . When she kept it up I suggested that she go play with her toys . At my house I share my son 's toys with my niece . Although , when she goes to grab the toy we are playing with I stand firm . Still no interaction from my sister - in - law . And always a tantrum from the 3 year old . Another niece ( 13 years old ) was playing with a toy and the 3 year old threw a tantrum until the toy was taken away from the teen ( her cousin ) , I never said anything to my sister - in - law . But I wish I had . Letting a 3 year old run over all the other children is wrong . The lady in the shop that lectures me about why my infant twins should not have a dummy . The school Mum who I don 't know who yells at my 2 year old son to ' walk with your mother ' when he is only a few paces ahead , inside the school grounds , with me supervising and is completely safe . Then there is the people who know my child who I feel over step the mark … the relative who went to smack my child … . I don 't have a problem with other people helping to redirect my child or keep them safe when I am NOT around … but when I am clearly there , watching , part of the action I would hope that people would address their concerns to me , not assume and address my child . I just had an experience a few weeks ago when a newly married in to the family member grabbed my daughter by the front of the shirt and was very rude in talking to her when the only thing she did was put something on the table instead of the trash . I did have words with her , and the rest of the family agreed with me that she didnt have to talk to her so rudely and she definatly crossed the line when putting her hands on my child . I believe you should NEVER put your hands on someone elses child , wether you are grabbing there shirt or slapping their face , It 's all the same to me . The only time you have a right to disipline is if the child is doing something dangerous and you as the parent are not in the room at the time . I was very close to grabbing her by the shirt and yelling at her to see how she liked it but thankfully I was able to control myself , However I was not polite when I confronted her so I hope for her sake that wont happen again . I just had this happen today and I 'm really upset about it . My 6 year old daughter and I were on an outing with my best friend and her children . Joining us for the first time was my friends live - in partner whom my daughter has met but has never really spent time with . Towards the end of a great day the girls were all climbing on a firetruck that was parked at this fair . When my daughter went to get down he put his hand out to help her . According to him my daughter first pushed his hand away and then when walking by him hit his open hand again with her open hand . He grabbed her by the arm ( I saw this part ) and spun her around and got in her face ! This man does not have a relationship with my daughter and I felt this was very inappropriate ! Of course I do not want my daughter to hit anyone …… she says she was giving him a " hard high five " I 'm not sure if she 's just trying to get out of trouble …… . . I had the talk with her about hitting regardless . When I confronted him with the fact that he grabbed her he acted like he had done everything within his rights …… . This is my best friends partner …… . . any suggestions ? ? ? ? Michelle - What a difficult circumstance ! Of course it isn 't right for our children to hit but I do not think it is right for a man , one you don 't really know especially , to grab your daughter . I would probably tell him that I did not want my daughter learning that it was ok for a man to touch her , EVER , without her permission . He could have easily brought you in to the situation or moved away from it . I would be very angry . I totally agree with you . I will and always have stuck up for my children . In fact one situation that comes to mind was at our pet supply chain store . My children were getting a little too playful near the fish as I asked a question so I picked up my two year old and put her in the cart . Her crying continued to our next stop in the store , the dog food aisle where an elderly lady looked at my daughter and loudly shouted at her , " BE QUIET ! " I still remember exactly what I said . I looked at her and said " Excuse , me , " thinking I misheard her or she was trying to be funny . She looked at me and said , " You need to keep her quiet , we don 't all want to hear that crying . " I looked back at her and loudly told her in front if my children … " She 's two years old and crying because she 's being disciplined . Why don 't you mind your own business . I 'll take care of my children . " She looked at me like she had never been talked to like that before . I thought her jaw was going to hit the floor and I left the store feeling so good about myself and knowing that I had done the right thing sticking up for my children . Never be afraid to defend your child . I think it reaches them to stick up for people who might not be able to stick up for themselves . Currently you have JavaScript disabled . In order to post comments , please make sure JavaScript and Cookies are enabled , and reload the page . Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser .
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Now August is always a special month for me . I mean it has my birthday ( and yes I have been known to celebrate all month long ) and my anniversary . Here at Crafty Moms Share we have some exciting things happening in August as well . But first did you know August is : Now really , where do they come up with these ? Ok , now onto what we are doing this month . We have our normal monthly things like the Virtual Book Club for Kids . This month 's author is Donald Crews . Now I really had not read any of his books before , but they are growing on me . He definitely has his own style and you will know when you are reading one of his books . They are often simple and of few words and about action . If you have a child who is into transportation ( planes , trains , trucks , etc . ) than this is an author for you . he also has some books for older children . I hope you will join us on the 19th to check out what we do with his books . With our journey through food we will be including some stories , music and crafts as well . I hope you will join us on the 20th to see what Egyptian food we have been cooking . Also there will be an Egyptian fairy tale . Since we have already discussed the Egyptian Cinderella , we will expand to another story ! Then of course we will see where Flat Stanley is visiting . If you would like to host Flat Stanley one of these upcoming months , check out the information here . It is easy and fun ! ! Plus with that wonderful list of special August holidays we will focus a bit on watermelon and we will continue our fun with Flamingo Fridays , Fairy Tales in Different Cultures and Sharing Saturday ! Plus with schools beginning for so many this month ( ours doesn 't start until September here ) I am thinking I may do a bit of a math focus for all of you . It is always good for me to keep my mind thinking mathematically . So those are some of the great things I have planned for Crafty Moms Share this month . I hope you will join us all month long ! Today Hazel was suppose to go to my mother - in - law 's for the day , but when she gave me a hug this morning I realized she had a fever . Plans changed . After running a couple quick necessary errands we got ready for a sick day of rest . So much for my to do list which included getting outside on the most beautiful day in a long while for a walk and visiting Sharing Saturday posts . Oh , well somehow I will find time to do everything that was on the list . Unlike a normal sick day , Hazel did not want to watch to much television . She wanted to do some crafts and things with Mommy . It was a long day for me . However I pulled out some of the craft kits I buy when they are on sale or clearance and we did a couple of them . One of them was a sand art kit ( well actually two ) . Hazel has loved doing sand art at the holiday stroll and other fair kind of things , so when I saw some on sale , I bought them . She had the best time . I did two and she did the rest . Now they are decorating our living room and family room . But the truth is the best part of them is making them . Do you have things stashed away for days like this ? Today I want to share a wonderful library find ! We have renewed this book , because we have been enjoying it so much . The book is Stars Beneath Your Bed : The Surprising Story of Dust by April Pulley Sayre . Now I have to admit I learned a lot from reading this book , so I do consider it educational as well as interesting . The story begins with sunrise and discussing the colors in the sky . The story than discusses dust and what it is and where it comes from . It goes through the day explaining the different places dust comes from and how it never goes away so the dust we see could be from the dinosaurs or King Tut . Another wonderful connection is that it describes dust from various places like the African savannah ( connection : Kenya ) , meerkats , ocean , Egypt with pyramids ( next month 's place on our trip Around the World in 12 Dishes ) and finally space . The book ends with how the dust will scatter the light for the sunset and then create the colors of the sunrise tomorrow . At the end of the book is the explanation of what dust really is and where it comes from as well as how it makes the sunset . To go along with this book , I thought it would be fun to paint some sunset and sunrise paintings . I bought Hazel a water color set so we pulled it out and tried it . She had a blast . I made two of the papers wet so we could do wet - on - wet painting and left two dry . This week we are sharing a fairy tale out of the Eastern part of North Carolina . This story seems to have so many different parts of other stories from all over the world . It amazes me how many seemed to come up in the story and remind me of the other Cinderella tales . First a little bit about North Carolina . North Carolina is in the Southeastern part of the United States . It is known as the Tar Heel State and the Old North State . The capital is Raleigh and is named after Sir Walter Raleigh . North Carolina is the 28th most extensive state and the tenth most populous . Source In 1584 , Elizabeth I granted Sir Walter Raleigh a charter for the present day North Carolina ( then part of Virginia ) . He tried to establish two colonies , but both failed . However on August 18 , 1857 , the first English child , Virginia Dare , born on American soil was born on Roanoke Island ( one of Raleigh 's colonies ) . Dare County is named after her . In 1663 King Charles II granted a charter to settle a colony and named it Carolina in honor of his father King Charles I . In 1710 the Carolina Colony split into North Carolina and South Carolina due to disputes in governance . Some other interesting facts about North Carolina : Now onto our book . This week we are looking at Moss Gown by William H . Hooks . In his Author 's Note , Hooks discusses some of the history of North Carolina . He discusses the tradition of storytelling perserving the Elizabethan culture as well as Virginia Dare 's birth . He uses both of these to tie in the elements of King Lear as well as Cinderella to this story . There is apparently a similar story in the Western part of North Carolina called Rush Cape where the dress is made of something else since there was not Spanish moss in the Appalachia . He also discusses the term gris - gris being French and known in the Carolinas as a kind of spell that often , but not always is evil . These are the words the magic cat woman uses to help Moss Gown . Now the story . A wealthy man lived in a large Southern mansion with his three daughters . He was growing old and no longer enjoyed riding his horse around his land or hunting in the swamp . He tended to sit on the porch and stare out . One stormy day his youngest daughter , Candace , ran out to get him out of the rain , but he said to call her sisters because he had gifts for them . The older daughters who had been watching it all came right out when hearing the word gifts . The man told his daughters to tell him how much they loved him and based on their answers he would divide the land . The oldest two told him they loved him more than jewels and riches . While Candace thought about her answer and wanted something truly from her heart . She replied that she loved him more than meat loves salt . Now if you have been following this series for awhile you may remember this storyline from a Jewish Cinderella that takes place in Poland . The older sisters laughed at her answer and Candace could not find the words to explain what she meant . The father gave the oldest daughters all of his land . That night they chased Candace out into the storm since they now owned the land . Candace wandered in the storm . Strangely she was not afraid even when the wind picked her up and flew her over the cypress treetops in the swamp . The wind put her down on a soft bed of Spanish moss . There she fell asleep . She was awoken by someone singing . When she opened her eyes she saw a black woman with green eyes who she felt looked like a cat . She was singing a song with the words , " Gris - gris " in it . As stated above this was known in the Carolinas to be a magic term that usually caused evil . The woman was holding a beautiful gossamer dress . Candace hid from the woman , but the woman left the dress with her and told her if she ever needed her to say the rhyme . After she left , Candace put on the dress and her feet seemed to know the way she should go . At sunlight her dress turned to rags made from moss . ( Now this part of the story reminded me of the Alaskan Cinderella where the dress changed in sunlight . ) Her feet brought her to a house that looked very much like her father 's . She knocked and the mistress of the house took pity on the girl dressed in rags and moss and sent her to do chores in the kitchen . Not wanting to reveal her real name , she told the first cook that her name was Moss Gown ( like the cat woman called her in the swamp ) . The kitchen staff gave her the worst jobs , but she did them . She always dreamed of returning to her father 's home , but after six months she realized she never would since she was not wanted there . One day the First Cook announced that the young master of the house was going to host a three - day frolic with a ball each night and all of the household staff could go to the balls if they had a ball dress . Since Moss Gown did not have a ball gown and only had her moss rags and borrowed clothes she was the only one not to go . While trying to fall asleep the first night she could not due to the noise . She remembered her moss dress that was under her bed and the cat woman . She pulled out the dress and called the cat woman with the line she had been told . The cat woman appeared and touched the dress . It became the beautiful gossamer gown again . She warned Moss Gown that it would be rags again as the morning star disappeared . Moss Gown made quite the entrance . The young master danced the night away with her . He asked her name , but she played coy with him . Then as the sun was rising he asked to walk her home . She slipped away . She repeated this the next two nights . After the frolic the young master went off to find the mystery woman he fell in love with . He rode the countryside searching . Eventually he sadly returned home and refused to eat . The First Cook was saying how he was wasting away and needed to eat . Moss Gown asked to serve his dinner that evening . She ran to her room and called the Cat Woman . The Cat Woman told her not to run in the morning this time . Moss Gown appeared with his food and when he realized it was her , he was so happy and ate . They spent the evening together talking aThe next morning Moss Gown saw him and asked him if he knew who she was . He did not . She told him he was always welcome at her table and went in and told the first cook to plan a dinner with no salt . The old man pushed away the plate . Moss Gown handed him the saltcellar and said to him , " I love you the way meat loves salt . " At that moment he knew it was his long - lost favorite daughter , Candace . The husband invited the father to stay with them as long as he wished . They all lived happily together with much celebration . There has been a lot of talk about race in the news and all over the place lately . With the Trayvon Martin shooting and his killer 's trial and of course with the not guilty verdict , it seems everyone has an opinion about it . I 've heard on some stations that this whole case has nothing to do with race whereas others say it has everything to do with race . Either way , let us remember that a 17 - year - old walking home from a quick trip to a convenience store . His home was in a gated community that had several break - ins and other issues recently , so they started a neighborhood watch led by George Zimmerman , the shooter . Zimmerman had a gun because of a lose pit bull in the neighborhood . Zimmerman called the police to report a suspicious looking male in the neighborhood . The police dispatcher told him he did not have to chase him , but he did . After getting off the phone , Martin had been shot by Zimmerman 70 yards from the townhouse he was staying at . Now this happened in Florida and the state of Florida has a Stand Your Ground Law . This law is what got Zimmerman acquitted . ( Source ) Listening to all the different points of view and trying to make sense of it is hard and confusing . Even President Obama has given his opinion on it all . The truth of it is we as a society / country and world need to find a way to co - exist . We need to realize we are all creatures of Earth and have all been created by God ( at least in my beliefs ) . We need to remember that each of us no matter what we have done are loved by God . We need to get rid of our institutionalized racism ( as well as the other - isms ) and learn to accept our differences . We need people to have a sense of responsibility for themselves again and not to blame the other guy ( whether a person or a business ) . But most of all we need to teach our children by example to love one another and to end the violence in our world . I am going to share a true story with you . This story breaks my heart and I think it is a perfect example of how much our media has influenced our youth . I was CThen she came around the display to the white Barbie dolls . Her response was , " Ooooh , prettier . " Now it broke my heart . As a teacher and an adviser to a multicultural club at the high school I was teaching , I felt like I needed to do something , but I also assumed the adults who were with the child ( but not in hearing distance ) would question me , a stranger , talking to their young child ( she was probably six or seven ) . At this point my friend was finished and the girl 's mother called her over , so I had done nothing , but the incident has always remained with me . I have gone through many years of diversity training and have also chaperoned many student trips to diversity trainings . I have even spent a week as an adviser for a session of the National Conference For Community and Justice 's ( NCCJ ) Anytown . I have to say I had my most interesting night there before the kids arrived spending most of a night talking to my two roommates about how we knew whether we were heterosexual or homosexual . They were both lesbians . I know about affinity groups and have heard many stories from them after being broken into them . I know how much prejudice there still is in our country . I also know it is wrong . I understand people are upset about how messed up our welfare system is and I agree it is . I also think our entire society needs a responsibility check . When someone can sue a company for giving them a hot coffee that burns them when they spill and win the case , we have problems and this to me is where the welfare issues stem from . We all seem to feel entitled to something even if it is not ours , and we have not worked for it and it does not seem to matter the color of your skin . The United States use to be a country where people came and worked hard and had a good life getting ahead . Now if we are born here we feel entitled to that good life and if people come here legally or not , they feel entitled . We seem to be missing the working hard . Some may say there are no jobs , we have a bad economy , but these entitlements go back much too far for those to be our reasons . But I have digressed onto another topic than the one I wanted to discuss . We all need to think before we act or say something . We need to be responsible for our own actions and not judged by those of someone like us . We need to step out of our comfort zones sometimes to meet others part way . We need to learn more about other cultures so we can find some similarities . And we need to remember there are bad and good in every culture , race , group and the bad does not define the whole . As a Christian I know the Bible tells me that Jesus taught us to love everyone as we love ourselves for this is how God loves us . I know I strive to do this . I am human so I know it is probably not completely possible for me , but I can still strive for it . Since I have been focusing on this , I know I feel much happier and more satisfied with my life . Will you join in me in striving to make the world a more loved place by trying to love others how God loves us ? Remember God gave us freewill , but with freewill comes responsibility . This week we had a most clicked and I picked six of my favorites to feature . I hope you will check them all out . My six favorites have a bit of a summer theme . I know I am enjoying my summer and hope you are as well . Thank you to everyone who shared last week ! ! I hope you will join us and share again ! ! If you are featured here , please feel free to grab a featured button to display proudly on your blog . Featured Button Code : 1 ) Please follow Crafty Moms Share via GFC ( or one of the other ways that work for you ) . 2 ) Link any kid - friendly , child - centered post . Please no etsy shops or giveaways , etc . Remember to link to your actual post . 3 ) Post the newly updated button on your sidebar or somewhere on your blog to help spread the word . Today I am going to start a new series on flamingos . Now Hazel has loved flamingos from a young age . They were one of her favorite animals at the zoo from the first time we went there . Since she has shown an interest in them we tend to focus on them a bit . So each Friday we will share a book , movie , craft , activity about flamingos . I love this picture of Hazel at Sea World this June with one of the flamingos who was being taken back to his cage with a couple of his friends . You can see how big they actually are . However today we are going to share a wonderful book we found at the library . It is wordless . The book is Flora and the Flamingo by Molly Idle . Hazel and Flora did well until the sleeping pose came . Then they both ended in a bit of a somersault . At this point the flamingo invites Flora to dance with it teaching her the poses . They dance as a couple for some of it . We did this , but could not get pictures . I did take this last picture of her though . We truly enjoyed Flora and the Flamingo and trying to copy the movements in it . I hope you will check it out and have enjoyed our first flamingo post . Posted by Today 's Clue Travel the world to stretch the week . Now take a look around on this site and try to find the post that fits the clue . Once you think you 've found it , pin it to the Pinterest Board you 've created just for this contest . Be sure to pop over to The Art of Home Education for the other clue for today . A full schedule and rules of the game can be found below . Don 't forget to enter the Rafflecopter at the bottom for more chances to win ! Each day a new clue ( or two ! ) will be revealed . Follow the clue to the blog of the day and pin the post described in the clue . ( Any image from the post is fine ) . In the Rafflecopter below , enter the link to the Pinterest board you created for this contest . The Rafflecopter will also have lots of other ways to earn extra entries . The only required entry is the link to your Pinterest board . Please note : You can enter the Rafflecopter at any point during the contest . Obviously your board won 't be complete until the end of the contest , but you can enter the link in the Rafflecopter before then . If your name is drawn at the end of the contest , we will check your board at that time . The final clue will be given July 28 . Participants will have until midnight Pacific time on July 31 to finalize their boards . The drawing will take place on August 1 . Language Learning Box Set ( 3 DVDs ) from Little Pim ( $ 49 . 95 ) : The Little Pim Box Set Volume I is a great way to introduce young learners to over 180 words and phrases in the language of your choice related to daily routines , food , and playtime ! Winner can choose the language of the prize from among those available from Little Pim . ( US Shipping Only . If the grand prize winner is located outside the US , the Language Learning Box Set will become part of the 1st prize package ) . 3 Month Subscription from Little Passports ( $ 41 . 85 ) : Little Passports is a unique subscription based service that can take your family on an adventure to learn about culture and history from all 50 states and across the world . With this educational , monthly package , kids will become excited about geography , history , and culture by following the world travels of characters Sam and Sofia on their magic scooter ! Winner chooses between World and USA editions . Spanish language bundle from Spanish Playground ( $ 20 ) : traditional wooden toys and digital downloads . Wooden chicken paddle toy and wooden top ( una pirinola ) to play " toma todo . " Digital downloads of Spanish language story - coloring book Los pollitos and animal activity cards . One copy of the Bamboo Dance and one passport ( $ 14 . 99 ) from Hartlyn Kids : An illustrated children 's book about the day in the life of a child in the Philippines . The book contains a mock passport sticker . Also included is an accompanying mock passport . Hi and welcome to my blog . This is a place for me to share ideas of crafts and activities I do with my daughter and for my daughter as well as things that keep me sane . I 'm hoping others will leave comments and join in the idea sharing . Thanks for visiting ! I hope you will become a follower . Some links on this site are affiliate links and I may earn a small commission at no cost to you . And some cookies will be used to track this . Thank you ! Sharing Saturday
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Now August is always a special month for me . I mean it has my birthday ( and yes I have been known to celebrate all month long ) and my anniversary . Here at Crafty Moms Share we have some exciting things happening in August as well . But first did you know August is : Now really , where do they come up with these ? Ok , now onto what we are doing this month . We have our normal monthly things like the Virtual Book Club for Kids . This month 's author is Donald Crews . Now I really had not read any of his books before , but they are growing on me . He definitely has his own style and you will know when you are reading one of his books . They are often simple and of few words and about action . If you have a child who is into transportation ( planes , trains , trucks , etc . ) than this is an author for you . he also has some books for older children . I hope you will join us on the 19th to check out what we do with his books . With our journey through food we will be including some stories , music and crafts as well . I hope you will join us on the 20th to see what Egyptian food we have been cooking . Also there will be an Egyptian fairy tale . Since we have already discussed the Egyptian Cinderella , we will expand to another story ! Then of course we will see where Flat Stanley is visiting . If you would like to host Flat Stanley one of these upcoming months , check out the information here . It is easy and fun ! ! Plus with that wonderful list of special August holidays we will focus a bit on watermelon and we will continue our fun with Flamingo Fridays , Fairy Tales in Different Cultures and Sharing Saturday ! Plus with schools beginning for so many this month ( ours doesn 't start until September here ) I am thinking I may do a bit of a math focus for all of you . It is always good for me to keep my mind thinking mathematically . So those are some of the great things I have planned for Crafty Moms Share this month . I hope you will join us all month long ! Today Hazel was suppose to go to my mother - in - law 's for the day , but when she gave me a hug this morning I realized she had a fever . Plans changed . After running a couple quick necessary errands we got ready for a sick day of rest . So much for my to do list which included getting outside on the most beautiful day in a long while for a walk and visiting Sharing Saturday posts . Oh , well somehow I will find time to do everything that was on the list . Unlike a normal sick day , Hazel did not want to watch to much television . She wanted to do some crafts and things with Mommy . It was a long day for me . However I pulled out some of the craft kits I buy when they are on sale or clearance and we did a couple of them . One of them was a sand art kit ( well actually two ) . Hazel has loved doing sand art at the holiday stroll and other fair kind of things , so when I saw some on sale , I bought them . She had the best time . I did two and she did the rest . Now they are decorating our living room and family room . But the truth is the best part of them is making them . Do you have things stashed away for days like this ? Today I want to share a wonderful library find ! We have renewed this book , because we have been enjoying it so much . The book is Stars Beneath Your Bed : The Surprising Story of Dust by April Pulley Sayre . Now I have to admit I learned a lot from reading this book , so I do consider it educational as well as interesting . The story begins with sunrise and discussing the colors in the sky . The story than discusses dust and what it is and where it comes from . It goes through the day explaining the different places dust comes from and how it never goes away so the dust we see could be from the dinosaurs or King Tut . Another wonderful connection is that it describes dust from various places like the African savannah ( connection : Kenya ) , meerkats , ocean , Egypt with pyramids ( next month 's place on our trip Around the World in 12 Dishes ) and finally space . The book ends with how the dust will scatter the light for the sunset and then create the colors of the sunrise tomorrow . At the end of the book is the explanation of what dust really is and where it comes from as well as how it makes the sunset . To go along with this book , I thought it would be fun to paint some sunset and sunrise paintings . I bought Hazel a water color set so we pulled it out and tried it . She had a blast . I made two of the papers wet so we could do wet - on - wet painting and left two dry . This week we are sharing a fairy tale out of the Eastern part of North Carolina . This story seems to have so many different parts of other stories from all over the world . It amazes me how many seemed to come up in the story and remind me of the other Cinderella tales . First a little bit about North Carolina . North Carolina is in the Southeastern part of the United States . It is known as the Tar Heel State and the Old North State . The capital is Raleigh and is named after Sir Walter Raleigh . North Carolina is the 28th most extensive state and the tenth most populous . Source In 1584 , Elizabeth I granted Sir Walter Raleigh a charter for the present day North Carolina ( then part of Virginia ) . He tried to establish two colonies , but both failed . However on August 18 , 1857 , the first English child , Virginia Dare , born on American soil was born on Roanoke Island ( one of Raleigh 's colonies ) . Dare County is named after her . In 1663 King Charles II granted a charter to settle a colony and named it Carolina in honor of his father King Charles I . In 1710 the Carolina Colony split into North Carolina and South Carolina due to disputes in governance . Some other interesting facts about North Carolina : Now onto our book . This week we are looking at Moss Gown by William H . Hooks . In his Author 's Note , Hooks discusses some of the history of North Carolina . He discusses the tradition of storytelling perserving the Elizabethan culture as well as Virginia Dare 's birth . He uses both of these to tie in the elements of King Lear as well as Cinderella to this story . There is apparently a similar story in the Western part of North Carolina called Rush Cape where the dress is made of something else since there was not Spanish moss in the Appalachia . He also discusses the term gris - gris being French and known in the Carolinas as a kind of spell that often , but not always is evil . These are the words the magic cat woman uses to help Moss Gown . Now the story . A wealthy man lived in a large Southern mansion with his three daughters . He was growing old and no longer enjoyed riding his horse around his land or hunting in the swamp . He tended to sit on the porch and stare out . One stormy day his youngest daughter , Candace , ran out to get him out of the rain , but he said to call her sisters because he had gifts for them . The older daughters who had been watching it all came right out when hearing the word gifts . The man told his daughters to tell him how much they loved him and based on their answers he would divide the land . The oldest two told him they loved him more than jewels and riches . While Candace thought about her answer and wanted something truly from her heart . She replied that she loved him more than meat loves salt . Now if you have been following this series for awhile you may remember this storyline from a Jewish Cinderella that takes place in Poland . The older sisters laughed at her answer and Candace could not find the words to explain what she meant . The father gave the oldest daughters all of his land . That night they chased Candace out into the storm since they now owned the land . Candace wandered in the storm . Strangely she was not afraid even when the wind picked her up and flew her over the cypress treetops in the swamp . The wind put her down on a soft bed of Spanish moss . There she fell asleep . She was awoken by someone singing . When she opened her eyes she saw a black woman with green eyes who she felt looked like a cat . She was singing a song with the words , " Gris - gris " in it . As stated above this was known in the Carolinas to be a magic term that usually caused evil . The woman was holding a beautiful gossamer dress . Candace hid from the woman , but the woman left the dress with her and told her if she ever needed her to say the rhyme . After she left , Candace put on the dress and her feet seemed to know the way she should go . At sunlight her dress turned to rags made from moss . ( Now this part of the story reminded me of the Alaskan Cinderella where the dress changed in sunlight . ) Her feet brought her to a house that looked very much like her father 's . She knocked and the mistress of the house took pity on the girl dressed in rags and moss and sent her to do chores in the kitchen . Not wanting to reveal her real name , she told the first cook that her name was Moss Gown ( like the cat woman called her in the swamp ) . The kitchen staff gave her the worst jobs , but she did them . She always dreamed of returning to her father 's home , but after six months she realized she never would since she was not wanted there . One day the First Cook announced that the young master of the house was going to host a three - day frolic with a ball each night and all of the household staff could go to the balls if they had a ball dress . Since Moss Gown did not have a ball gown and only had her moss rags and borrowed clothes she was the only one not to go . While trying to fall asleep the first night she could not due to the noise . She remembered her moss dress that was under her bed and the cat woman . She pulled out the dress and called the cat woman with the line she had been told . The cat woman appeared and touched the dress . It became the beautiful gossamer gown again . She warned Moss Gown that it would be rags again as the morning star disappeared . Moss Gown made quite the entrance . The young master danced the night away with her . He asked her name , but she played coy with him . Then as the sun was rising he asked to walk her home . She slipped away . She repeated this the next two nights . After the frolic the young master went off to find the mystery woman he fell in love with . He rode the countryside searching . Eventually he sadly returned home and refused to eat . The First Cook was saying how he was wasting away and needed to eat . Moss Gown asked to serve his dinner that evening . She ran to her room and called the Cat Woman . The Cat Woman told her not to run in the morning this time . Moss Gown appeared with his food and when he realized it was her , he was so happy and ate . They spent the evening together talking aThe next morning Moss Gown saw him and asked him if he knew who she was . He did not . She told him he was always welcome at her table and went in and told the first cook to plan a dinner with no salt . The old man pushed away the plate . Moss Gown handed him the saltcellar and said to him , " I love you the way meat loves salt . " At that moment he knew it was his long - lost favorite daughter , Candace . The husband invited the father to stay with them as long as he wished . They all lived happily together with much celebration . There has been a lot of talk about race in the news and all over the place lately . With the Trayvon Martin shooting and his killer 's trial and of course with the not guilty verdict , it seems everyone has an opinion about it . I 've heard on some stations that this whole case has nothing to do with race whereas others say it has everything to do with race . Either way , let us remember that a 17 - year - old walking home from a quick trip to a convenience store . His home was in a gated community that had several break - ins and other issues recently , so they started a neighborhood watch led by George Zimmerman , the shooter . Zimmerman had a gun because of a lose pit bull in the neighborhood . Zimmerman called the police to report a suspicious looking male in the neighborhood . The police dispatcher told him he did not have to chase him , but he did . After getting off the phone , Martin had been shot by Zimmerman 70 yards from the townhouse he was staying at . Now this happened in Florida and the state of Florida has a Stand Your Ground Law . This law is what got Zimmerman acquitted . ( Source ) Listening to all the different points of view and trying to make sense of it is hard and confusing . Even President Obama has given his opinion on it all . The truth of it is we as a society / country and world need to find a way to co - exist . We need to realize we are all creatures of Earth and have all been created by God ( at least in my beliefs ) . We need to remember that each of us no matter what we have done are loved by God . We need to get rid of our institutionalized racism ( as well as the other - isms ) and learn to accept our differences . We need people to have a sense of responsibility for themselves again and not to blame the other guy ( whether a person or a business ) . But most of all we need to teach our children by example to love one another and to end the violence in our world . I am going to share a true story with you . This story breaks my heart and I think it is a perfect example of how much our media has influenced our youth . I was CThen she came around the display to the white Barbie dolls . Her response was , " Ooooh , prettier . " Now it broke my heart . As a teacher and an adviser to a multicultural club at the high school I was teaching , I felt like I needed to do something , but I also assumed the adults who were with the child ( but not in hearing distance ) would question me , a stranger , talking to their young child ( she was probably six or seven ) . At this point my friend was finished and the girl 's mother called her over , so I had done nothing , but the incident has always remained with me . I have gone through many years of diversity training and have also chaperoned many student trips to diversity trainings . I have even spent a week as an adviser for a session of the National Conference For Community and Justice 's ( NCCJ ) Anytown . I have to say I had my most interesting night there before the kids arrived spending most of a night talking to my two roommates about how we knew whether we were heterosexual or homosexual . They were both lesbians . I know about affinity groups and have heard many stories from them after being broken into them . I know how much prejudice there still is in our country . I also know it is wrong . I understand people are upset about how messed up our welfare system is and I agree it is . I also think our entire society needs a responsibility check . When someone can sue a company for giving them a hot coffee that burns them when they spill and win the case , we have problems and this to me is where the welfare issues stem from . We all seem to feel entitled to something even if it is not ours , and we have not worked for it and it does not seem to matter the color of your skin . The United States use to be a country where people came and worked hard and had a good life getting ahead . Now if we are born here we feel entitled to that good life and if people come here legally or not , they feel entitled . We seem to be missing the working hard . Some may say there are no jobs , we have a bad economy , but these entitlements go back much too far for those to be our reasons . But I have digressed onto another topic than the one I wanted to discuss . We all need to think before we act or say something . We need to be responsible for our own actions and not judged by those of someone like us . We need to step out of our comfort zones sometimes to meet others part way . We need to learn more about other cultures so we can find some similarities . And we need to remember there are bad and good in every culture , race , group and the bad does not define the whole . As a Christian I know the Bible tells me that Jesus taught us to love everyone as we love ourselves for this is how God loves us . I know I strive to do this . I am human so I know it is probably not completely possible for me , but I can still strive for it . Since I have been focusing on this , I know I feel much happier and more satisfied with my life . Will you join in me in striving to make the world a more loved place by trying to love others how God loves us ? Remember God gave us freewill , but with freewill comes responsibility . This week we had a most clicked and I picked six of my favorites to feature . I hope you will check them all out . My six favorites have a bit of a summer theme . I know I am enjoying my summer and hope you are as well . Thank you to everyone who shared last week ! ! I hope you will join us and share again ! ! If you are featured here , please feel free to grab a featured button to display proudly on your blog . Featured Button Code : 1 ) Please follow Crafty Moms Share via GFC ( or one of the other ways that work for you ) . 2 ) Link any kid - friendly , child - centered post . Please no etsy shops or giveaways , etc . Remember to link to your actual post . 3 ) Post the newly updated button on your sidebar or somewhere on your blog to help spread the word . Today I am going to start a new series on flamingos . Now Hazel has loved flamingos from a young age . They were one of her favorite animals at the zoo from the first time we went there . Since she has shown an interest in them we tend to focus on them a bit . So each Friday we will share a book , movie , craft , activity about flamingos . I love this picture of Hazel at Sea World this June with one of the flamingos who was being taken back to his cage with a couple of his friends . You can see how big they actually are . However today we are going to share a wonderful book we found at the library . It is wordless . The book is Flora and the Flamingo by Molly Idle . Hazel and Flora did well until the sleeping pose came . Then they both ended in a bit of a somersault . At this point the flamingo invites Flora to dance with it teaching her the poses . They dance as a couple for some of it . We did this , but could not get pictures . I did take this last picture of her though . We truly enjoyed Flora and the Flamingo and trying to copy the movements in it . I hope you will check it out and have enjoyed our first flamingo post . Posted by Today 's Clue Travel the world to stretch the week . Now take a look around on this site and try to find the post that fits the clue . Once you think you 've found it , pin it to the Pinterest Board you 've created just for this contest . Be sure to pop over to The Art of Home Education for the other clue for today . A full schedule and rules of the game can be found below . Don 't forget to enter the Rafflecopter at the bottom for more chances to win ! Each day a new clue ( or two ! ) will be revealed . Follow the clue to the blog of the day and pin the post described in the clue . ( Any image from the post is fine ) . In the Rafflecopter below , enter the link to the Pinterest board you created for this contest . The Rafflecopter will also have lots of other ways to earn extra entries . The only required entry is the link to your Pinterest board . Please note : You can enter the Rafflecopter at any point during the contest . Obviously your board won 't be complete until the end of the contest , but you can enter the link in the Rafflecopter before then . If your name is drawn at the end of the contest , we will check your board at that time . The final clue will be given July 28 . Participants will have until midnight Pacific time on July 31 to finalize their boards . The drawing will take place on August 1 . Language Learning Box Set ( 3 DVDs ) from Little Pim ( $ 49 . 95 ) : The Little Pim Box Set Volume I is a great way to introduce young learners to over 180 words and phrases in the language of your choice related to daily routines , food , and playtime ! Winner can choose the language of the prize from among those available from Little Pim . ( US Shipping Only . If the grand prize winner is located outside the US , the Language Learning Box Set will become part of the 1st prize package ) . 3 Month Subscription from Little Passports ( $ 41 . 85 ) : Little Passports is a unique subscription based service that can take your family on an adventure to learn about culture and history from all 50 states and across the world . With this educational , monthly package , kids will become excited about geography , history , and culture by following the world travels of characters Sam and Sofia on their magic scooter ! Winner chooses between World and USA editions . Spanish language bundle from Spanish Playground ( $ 20 ) : traditional wooden toys and digital downloads . Wooden chicken paddle toy and wooden top ( una pirinola ) to play " toma todo . " Digital downloads of Spanish language story - coloring book Los pollitos and animal activity cards . One copy of the Bamboo Dance and one passport ( $ 14 . 99 ) from Hartlyn Kids : An illustrated children 's book about the day in the life of a child in the Philippines . The book contains a mock passport sticker . Also included is an accompanying mock passport . Hi and welcome to my blog . This is a place for me to share ideas of crafts and activities I do with my daughter and for my daughter as well as things that keep me sane . I 'm hoping others will leave comments and join in the idea sharing . Thanks for visiting ! I hope you will become a follower . Some links on this site are affiliate links and I may earn a small commission at no cost to you . And some cookies will be used to track this . Thank you ! Sharing Saturday
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Now August is always a special month for me . I mean it has my birthday ( and yes I have been known to celebrate all month long ) and my anniversary . Here at Crafty Moms Share we have some exciting things happening in August as well . But first did you know August is : Now really , where do they come up with these ? Ok , now onto what we are doing this month . We have our normal monthly things like the Virtual Book Club for Kids . This month 's author is Donald Crews . Now I really had not read any of his books before , but they are growing on me . He definitely has his own style and you will know when you are reading one of his books . They are often simple and of few words and about action . If you have a child who is into transportation ( planes , trains , trucks , etc . ) than this is an author for you . he also has some books for older children . I hope you will join us on the 19th to check out what we do with his books . With our journey through food we will be including some stories , music and crafts as well . I hope you will join us on the 20th to see what Egyptian food we have been cooking . Also there will be an Egyptian fairy tale . Since we have already discussed the Egyptian Cinderella , we will expand to another story ! Then of course we will see where Flat Stanley is visiting . If you would like to host Flat Stanley one of these upcoming months , check out the information here . It is easy and fun ! ! Plus with that wonderful list of special August holidays we will focus a bit on watermelon and we will continue our fun with Flamingo Fridays , Fairy Tales in Different Cultures and Sharing Saturday ! Plus with schools beginning for so many this month ( ours doesn 't start until September here ) I am thinking I may do a bit of a math focus for all of you . It is always good for me to keep my mind thinking mathematically . So those are some of the great things I have planned for Crafty Moms Share this month . I hope you will join us all month long ! Today Hazel was suppose to go to my mother - in - law 's for the day , but when she gave me a hug this morning I realized she had a fever . Plans changed . After running a couple quick necessary errands we got ready for a sick day of rest . So much for my to do list which included getting outside on the most beautiful day in a long while for a walk and visiting Sharing Saturday posts . Oh , well somehow I will find time to do everything that was on the list . Unlike a normal sick day , Hazel did not want to watch to much television . She wanted to do some crafts and things with Mommy . It was a long day for me . However I pulled out some of the craft kits I buy when they are on sale or clearance and we did a couple of them . One of them was a sand art kit ( well actually two ) . Hazel has loved doing sand art at the holiday stroll and other fair kind of things , so when I saw some on sale , I bought them . She had the best time . I did two and she did the rest . Now they are decorating our living room and family room . But the truth is the best part of them is making them . Do you have things stashed away for days like this ? Today I want to share a wonderful library find ! We have renewed this book , because we have been enjoying it so much . The book is Stars Beneath Your Bed : The Surprising Story of Dust by April Pulley Sayre . Now I have to admit I learned a lot from reading this book , so I do consider it educational as well as interesting . The story begins with sunrise and discussing the colors in the sky . The story than discusses dust and what it is and where it comes from . It goes through the day explaining the different places dust comes from and how it never goes away so the dust we see could be from the dinosaurs or King Tut . Another wonderful connection is that it describes dust from various places like the African savannah ( connection : Kenya ) , meerkats , ocean , Egypt with pyramids ( next month 's place on our trip Around the World in 12 Dishes ) and finally space . The book ends with how the dust will scatter the light for the sunset and then create the colors of the sunrise tomorrow . At the end of the book is the explanation of what dust really is and where it comes from as well as how it makes the sunset . To go along with this book , I thought it would be fun to paint some sunset and sunrise paintings . I bought Hazel a water color set so we pulled it out and tried it . She had a blast . I made two of the papers wet so we could do wet - on - wet painting and left two dry . This week we are sharing a fairy tale out of the Eastern part of North Carolina . This story seems to have so many different parts of other stories from all over the world . It amazes me how many seemed to come up in the story and remind me of the other Cinderella tales . First a little bit about North Carolina . North Carolina is in the Southeastern part of the United States . It is known as the Tar Heel State and the Old North State . The capital is Raleigh and is named after Sir Walter Raleigh . North Carolina is the 28th most extensive state and the tenth most populous . Source In 1584 , Elizabeth I granted Sir Walter Raleigh a charter for the present day North Carolina ( then part of Virginia ) . He tried to establish two colonies , but both failed . However on August 18 , 1857 , the first English child , Virginia Dare , born on American soil was born on Roanoke Island ( one of Raleigh 's colonies ) . Dare County is named after her . In 1663 King Charles II granted a charter to settle a colony and named it Carolina in honor of his father King Charles I . In 1710 the Carolina Colony split into North Carolina and South Carolina due to disputes in governance . Some other interesting facts about North Carolina : Now onto our book . This week we are looking at Moss Gown by William H . Hooks . In his Author 's Note , Hooks discusses some of the history of North Carolina . He discusses the tradition of storytelling perserving the Elizabethan culture as well as Virginia Dare 's birth . He uses both of these to tie in the elements of King Lear as well as Cinderella to this story . There is apparently a similar story in the Western part of North Carolina called Rush Cape where the dress is made of something else since there was not Spanish moss in the Appalachia . He also discusses the term gris - gris being French and known in the Carolinas as a kind of spell that often , but not always is evil . These are the words the magic cat woman uses to help Moss Gown . Now the story . A wealthy man lived in a large Southern mansion with his three daughters . He was growing old and no longer enjoyed riding his horse around his land or hunting in the swamp . He tended to sit on the porch and stare out . One stormy day his youngest daughter , Candace , ran out to get him out of the rain , but he said to call her sisters because he had gifts for them . The older daughters who had been watching it all came right out when hearing the word gifts . The man told his daughters to tell him how much they loved him and based on their answers he would divide the land . The oldest two told him they loved him more than jewels and riches . While Candace thought about her answer and wanted something truly from her heart . She replied that she loved him more than meat loves salt . Now if you have been following this series for awhile you may remember this storyline from a Jewish Cinderella that takes place in Poland . The older sisters laughed at her answer and Candace could not find the words to explain what she meant . The father gave the oldest daughters all of his land . That night they chased Candace out into the storm since they now owned the land . Candace wandered in the storm . Strangely she was not afraid even when the wind picked her up and flew her over the cypress treetops in the swamp . The wind put her down on a soft bed of Spanish moss . There she fell asleep . She was awoken by someone singing . When she opened her eyes she saw a black woman with green eyes who she felt looked like a cat . She was singing a song with the words , " Gris - gris " in it . As stated above this was known in the Carolinas to be a magic term that usually caused evil . The woman was holding a beautiful gossamer dress . Candace hid from the woman , but the woman left the dress with her and told her if she ever needed her to say the rhyme . After she left , Candace put on the dress and her feet seemed to know the way she should go . At sunlight her dress turned to rags made from moss . ( Now this part of the story reminded me of the Alaskan Cinderella where the dress changed in sunlight . ) Her feet brought her to a house that looked very much like her father 's . She knocked and the mistress of the house took pity on the girl dressed in rags and moss and sent her to do chores in the kitchen . Not wanting to reveal her real name , she told the first cook that her name was Moss Gown ( like the cat woman called her in the swamp ) . The kitchen staff gave her the worst jobs , but she did them . She always dreamed of returning to her father 's home , but after six months she realized she never would since she was not wanted there . One day the First Cook announced that the young master of the house was going to host a three - day frolic with a ball each night and all of the household staff could go to the balls if they had a ball dress . Since Moss Gown did not have a ball gown and only had her moss rags and borrowed clothes she was the only one not to go . While trying to fall asleep the first night she could not due to the noise . She remembered her moss dress that was under her bed and the cat woman . She pulled out the dress and called the cat woman with the line she had been told . The cat woman appeared and touched the dress . It became the beautiful gossamer gown again . She warned Moss Gown that it would be rags again as the morning star disappeared . Moss Gown made quite the entrance . The young master danced the night away with her . He asked her name , but she played coy with him . Then as the sun was rising he asked to walk her home . She slipped away . She repeated this the next two nights . After the frolic the young master went off to find the mystery woman he fell in love with . He rode the countryside searching . Eventually he sadly returned home and refused to eat . The First Cook was saying how he was wasting away and needed to eat . Moss Gown asked to serve his dinner that evening . She ran to her room and called the Cat Woman . The Cat Woman told her not to run in the morning this time . Moss Gown appeared with his food and when he realized it was her , he was so happy and ate . They spent the evening together talking aThe next morning Moss Gown saw him and asked him if he knew who she was . He did not . She told him he was always welcome at her table and went in and told the first cook to plan a dinner with no salt . The old man pushed away the plate . Moss Gown handed him the saltcellar and said to him , " I love you the way meat loves salt . " At that moment he knew it was his long - lost favorite daughter , Candace . The husband invited the father to stay with them as long as he wished . They all lived happily together with much celebration . There has been a lot of talk about race in the news and all over the place lately . With the Trayvon Martin shooting and his killer 's trial and of course with the not guilty verdict , it seems everyone has an opinion about it . I 've heard on some stations that this whole case has nothing to do with race whereas others say it has everything to do with race . Either way , let us remember that a 17 - year - old walking home from a quick trip to a convenience store . His home was in a gated community that had several break - ins and other issues recently , so they started a neighborhood watch led by George Zimmerman , the shooter . Zimmerman had a gun because of a lose pit bull in the neighborhood . Zimmerman called the police to report a suspicious looking male in the neighborhood . The police dispatcher told him he did not have to chase him , but he did . After getting off the phone , Martin had been shot by Zimmerman 70 yards from the townhouse he was staying at . Now this happened in Florida and the state of Florida has a Stand Your Ground Law . This law is what got Zimmerman acquitted . ( Source ) Listening to all the different points of view and trying to make sense of it is hard and confusing . Even President Obama has given his opinion on it all . The truth of it is we as a society / country and world need to find a way to co - exist . We need to realize we are all creatures of Earth and have all been created by God ( at least in my beliefs ) . We need to remember that each of us no matter what we have done are loved by God . We need to get rid of our institutionalized racism ( as well as the other - isms ) and learn to accept our differences . We need people to have a sense of responsibility for themselves again and not to blame the other guy ( whether a person or a business ) . But most of all we need to teach our children by example to love one another and to end the violence in our world . I am going to share a true story with you . This story breaks my heart and I think it is a perfect example of how much our media has influenced our youth . I was CThen she came around the display to the white Barbie dolls . Her response was , " Ooooh , prettier . " Now it broke my heart . As a teacher and an adviser to a multicultural club at the high school I was teaching , I felt like I needed to do something , but I also assumed the adults who were with the child ( but not in hearing distance ) would question me , a stranger , talking to their young child ( she was probably six or seven ) . At this point my friend was finished and the girl 's mother called her over , so I had done nothing , but the incident has always remained with me . I have gone through many years of diversity training and have also chaperoned many student trips to diversity trainings . I have even spent a week as an adviser for a session of the National Conference For Community and Justice 's ( NCCJ ) Anytown . I have to say I had my most interesting night there before the kids arrived spending most of a night talking to my two roommates about how we knew whether we were heterosexual or homosexual . They were both lesbians . I know about affinity groups and have heard many stories from them after being broken into them . I know how much prejudice there still is in our country . I also know it is wrong . I understand people are upset about how messed up our welfare system is and I agree it is . I also think our entire society needs a responsibility check . When someone can sue a company for giving them a hot coffee that burns them when they spill and win the case , we have problems and this to me is where the welfare issues stem from . We all seem to feel entitled to something even if it is not ours , and we have not worked for it and it does not seem to matter the color of your skin . The United States use to be a country where people came and worked hard and had a good life getting ahead . Now if we are born here we feel entitled to that good life and if people come here legally or not , they feel entitled . We seem to be missing the working hard . Some may say there are no jobs , we have a bad economy , but these entitlements go back much too far for those to be our reasons . But I have digressed onto another topic than the one I wanted to discuss . We all need to think before we act or say something . We need to be responsible for our own actions and not judged by those of someone like us . We need to step out of our comfort zones sometimes to meet others part way . We need to learn more about other cultures so we can find some similarities . And we need to remember there are bad and good in every culture , race , group and the bad does not define the whole . As a Christian I know the Bible tells me that Jesus taught us to love everyone as we love ourselves for this is how God loves us . I know I strive to do this . I am human so I know it is probably not completely possible for me , but I can still strive for it . Since I have been focusing on this , I know I feel much happier and more satisfied with my life . Will you join in me in striving to make the world a more loved place by trying to love others how God loves us ? Remember God gave us freewill , but with freewill comes responsibility . This week we had a most clicked and I picked six of my favorites to feature . I hope you will check them all out . My six favorites have a bit of a summer theme . I know I am enjoying my summer and hope you are as well . Thank you to everyone who shared last week ! ! I hope you will join us and share again ! ! If you are featured here , please feel free to grab a featured button to display proudly on your blog . Featured Button Code : 1 ) Please follow Crafty Moms Share via GFC ( or one of the other ways that work for you ) . 2 ) Link any kid - friendly , child - centered post . Please no etsy shops or giveaways , etc . Remember to link to your actual post . 3 ) Post the newly updated button on your sidebar or somewhere on your blog to help spread the word . Today I am going to start a new series on flamingos . Now Hazel has loved flamingos from a young age . They were one of her favorite animals at the zoo from the first time we went there . Since she has shown an interest in them we tend to focus on them a bit . So each Friday we will share a book , movie , craft , activity about flamingos . I love this picture of Hazel at Sea World this June with one of the flamingos who was being taken back to his cage with a couple of his friends . You can see how big they actually are . However today we are going to share a wonderful book we found at the library . It is wordless . The book is Flora and the Flamingo by Molly Idle . Hazel and Flora did well until the sleeping pose came . Then they both ended in a bit of a somersault . At this point the flamingo invites Flora to dance with it teaching her the poses . They dance as a couple for some of it . We did this , but could not get pictures . I did take this last picture of her though . We truly enjoyed Flora and the Flamingo and trying to copy the movements in it . I hope you will check it out and have enjoyed our first flamingo post . Posted by Today 's Clue Travel the world to stretch the week . Now take a look around on this site and try to find the post that fits the clue . Once you think you 've found it , pin it to the Pinterest Board you 've created just for this contest . Be sure to pop over to The Art of Home Education for the other clue for today . A full schedule and rules of the game can be found below . Don 't forget to enter the Rafflecopter at the bottom for more chances to win ! Each day a new clue ( or two ! ) will be revealed . Follow the clue to the blog of the day and pin the post described in the clue . ( Any image from the post is fine ) . In the Rafflecopter below , enter the link to the Pinterest board you created for this contest . The Rafflecopter will also have lots of other ways to earn extra entries . The only required entry is the link to your Pinterest board . Please note : You can enter the Rafflecopter at any point during the contest . Obviously your board won 't be complete until the end of the contest , but you can enter the link in the Rafflecopter before then . If your name is drawn at the end of the contest , we will check your board at that time . The final clue will be given July 28 . Participants will have until midnight Pacific time on July 31 to finalize their boards . The drawing will take place on August 1 . Language Learning Box Set ( 3 DVDs ) from Little Pim ( $ 49 . 95 ) : The Little Pim Box Set Volume I is a great way to introduce young learners to over 180 words and phrases in the language of your choice related to daily routines , food , and playtime ! Winner can choose the language of the prize from among those available from Little Pim . ( US Shipping Only . If the grand prize winner is located outside the US , the Language Learning Box Set will become part of the 1st prize package ) . 3 Month Subscription from Little Passports ( $ 41 . 85 ) : Little Passports is a unique subscription based service that can take your family on an adventure to learn about culture and history from all 50 states and across the world . With this educational , monthly package , kids will become excited about geography , history , and culture by following the world travels of characters Sam and Sofia on their magic scooter ! Winner chooses between World and USA editions . Spanish language bundle from Spanish Playground ( $ 20 ) : traditional wooden toys and digital downloads . Wooden chicken paddle toy and wooden top ( una pirinola ) to play " toma todo . " Digital downloads of Spanish language story - coloring book Los pollitos and animal activity cards . One copy of the Bamboo Dance and one passport ( $ 14 . 99 ) from Hartlyn Kids : An illustrated children 's book about the day in the life of a child in the Philippines . The book contains a mock passport sticker . Also included is an accompanying mock passport . Hi and welcome to my blog . This is a place for me to share ideas of crafts and activities I do with my daughter and for my daughter as well as things that keep me sane . I 'm hoping others will leave comments and join in the idea sharing . Thanks for visiting ! I hope you will become a follower . Some links on this site are affiliate links and I may earn a small commission at no cost to you . And some cookies will be used to track this . Thank you ! Sharing Saturday
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Now August is always a special month for me . I mean it has my birthday ( and yes I have been known to celebrate all month long ) and my anniversary . Here at Crafty Moms Share we have some exciting things happening in August as well . But first did you know August is : Now really , where do they come up with these ? Ok , now onto what we are doing this month . We have our normal monthly things like the Virtual Book Club for Kids . This month 's author is Donald Crews . Now I really had not read any of his books before , but they are growing on me . He definitely has his own style and you will know when you are reading one of his books . They are often simple and of few words and about action . If you have a child who is into transportation ( planes , trains , trucks , etc . ) than this is an author for you . he also has some books for older children . I hope you will join us on the 19th to check out what we do with his books . With our journey through food we will be including some stories , music and crafts as well . I hope you will join us on the 20th to see what Egyptian food we have been cooking . Also there will be an Egyptian fairy tale . Since we have already discussed the Egyptian Cinderella , we will expand to another story ! Then of course we will see where Flat Stanley is visiting . If you would like to host Flat Stanley one of these upcoming months , check out the information here . It is easy and fun ! ! Plus with that wonderful list of special August holidays we will focus a bit on watermelon and we will continue our fun with Flamingo Fridays , Fairy Tales in Different Cultures and Sharing Saturday ! Plus with schools beginning for so many this month ( ours doesn 't start until September here ) I am thinking I may do a bit of a math focus for all of you . It is always good for me to keep my mind thinking mathematically . So those are some of the great things I have planned for Crafty Moms Share this month . I hope you will join us all month long ! Today Hazel was suppose to go to my mother - in - law 's for the day , but when she gave me a hug this morning I realized she had a fever . Plans changed . After running a couple quick necessary errands we got ready for a sick day of rest . So much for my to do list which included getting outside on the most beautiful day in a long while for a walk and visiting Sharing Saturday posts . Oh , well somehow I will find time to do everything that was on the list . Unlike a normal sick day , Hazel did not want to watch to much television . She wanted to do some crafts and things with Mommy . It was a long day for me . However I pulled out some of the craft kits I buy when they are on sale or clearance and we did a couple of them . One of them was a sand art kit ( well actually two ) . Hazel has loved doing sand art at the holiday stroll and other fair kind of things , so when I saw some on sale , I bought them . She had the best time . I did two and she did the rest . Now they are decorating our living room and family room . But the truth is the best part of them is making them . Do you have things stashed away for days like this ? Today I want to share a wonderful library find ! We have renewed this book , because we have been enjoying it so much . The book is Stars Beneath Your Bed : The Surprising Story of Dust by April Pulley Sayre . Now I have to admit I learned a lot from reading this book , so I do consider it educational as well as interesting . The story begins with sunrise and discussing the colors in the sky . The story than discusses dust and what it is and where it comes from . It goes through the day explaining the different places dust comes from and how it never goes away so the dust we see could be from the dinosaurs or King Tut . Another wonderful connection is that it describes dust from various places like the African savannah ( connection : Kenya ) , meerkats , ocean , Egypt with pyramids ( next month 's place on our trip Around the World in 12 Dishes ) and finally space . The book ends with how the dust will scatter the light for the sunset and then create the colors of the sunrise tomorrow . At the end of the book is the explanation of what dust really is and where it comes from as well as how it makes the sunset . To go along with this book , I thought it would be fun to paint some sunset and sunrise paintings . I bought Hazel a water color set so we pulled it out and tried it . She had a blast . I made two of the papers wet so we could do wet - on - wet painting and left two dry . This week we are sharing a fairy tale out of the Eastern part of North Carolina . This story seems to have so many different parts of other stories from all over the world . It amazes me how many seemed to come up in the story and remind me of the other Cinderella tales . First a little bit about North Carolina . North Carolina is in the Southeastern part of the United States . It is known as the Tar Heel State and the Old North State . The capital is Raleigh and is named after Sir Walter Raleigh . North Carolina is the 28th most extensive state and the tenth most populous . Source In 1584 , Elizabeth I granted Sir Walter Raleigh a charter for the present day North Carolina ( then part of Virginia ) . He tried to establish two colonies , but both failed . However on August 18 , 1857 , the first English child , Virginia Dare , born on American soil was born on Roanoke Island ( one of Raleigh 's colonies ) . Dare County is named after her . In 1663 King Charles II granted a charter to settle a colony and named it Carolina in honor of his father King Charles I . In 1710 the Carolina Colony split into North Carolina and South Carolina due to disputes in governance . Some other interesting facts about North Carolina : Now onto our book . This week we are looking at Moss Gown by William H . Hooks . In his Author 's Note , Hooks discusses some of the history of North Carolina . He discusses the tradition of storytelling perserving the Elizabethan culture as well as Virginia Dare 's birth . He uses both of these to tie in the elements of King Lear as well as Cinderella to this story . There is apparently a similar story in the Western part of North Carolina called Rush Cape where the dress is made of something else since there was not Spanish moss in the Appalachia . He also discusses the term gris - gris being French and known in the Carolinas as a kind of spell that often , but not always is evil . These are the words the magic cat woman uses to help Moss Gown . Now the story . A wealthy man lived in a large Southern mansion with his three daughters . He was growing old and no longer enjoyed riding his horse around his land or hunting in the swamp . He tended to sit on the porch and stare out . One stormy day his youngest daughter , Candace , ran out to get him out of the rain , but he said to call her sisters because he had gifts for them . The older daughters who had been watching it all came right out when hearing the word gifts . The man told his daughters to tell him how much they loved him and based on their answers he would divide the land . The oldest two told him they loved him more than jewels and riches . While Candace thought about her answer and wanted something truly from her heart . She replied that she loved him more than meat loves salt . Now if you have been following this series for awhile you may remember this storyline from a Jewish Cinderella that takes place in Poland . The older sisters laughed at her answer and Candace could not find the words to explain what she meant . The father gave the oldest daughters all of his land . That night they chased Candace out into the storm since they now owned the land . Candace wandered in the storm . Strangely she was not afraid even when the wind picked her up and flew her over the cypress treetops in the swamp . The wind put her down on a soft bed of Spanish moss . There she fell asleep . She was awoken by someone singing . When she opened her eyes she saw a black woman with green eyes who she felt looked like a cat . She was singing a song with the words , " Gris - gris " in it . As stated above this was known in the Carolinas to be a magic term that usually caused evil . The woman was holding a beautiful gossamer dress . Candace hid from the woman , but the woman left the dress with her and told her if she ever needed her to say the rhyme . After she left , Candace put on the dress and her feet seemed to know the way she should go . At sunlight her dress turned to rags made from moss . ( Now this part of the story reminded me of the Alaskan Cinderella where the dress changed in sunlight . ) Her feet brought her to a house that looked very much like her father 's . She knocked and the mistress of the house took pity on the girl dressed in rags and moss and sent her to do chores in the kitchen . Not wanting to reveal her real name , she told the first cook that her name was Moss Gown ( like the cat woman called her in the swamp ) . The kitchen staff gave her the worst jobs , but she did them . She always dreamed of returning to her father 's home , but after six months she realized she never would since she was not wanted there . One day the First Cook announced that the young master of the house was going to host a three - day frolic with a ball each night and all of the household staff could go to the balls if they had a ball dress . Since Moss Gown did not have a ball gown and only had her moss rags and borrowed clothes she was the only one not to go . While trying to fall asleep the first night she could not due to the noise . She remembered her moss dress that was under her bed and the cat woman . She pulled out the dress and called the cat woman with the line she had been told . The cat woman appeared and touched the dress . It became the beautiful gossamer gown again . She warned Moss Gown that it would be rags again as the morning star disappeared . Moss Gown made quite the entrance . The young master danced the night away with her . He asked her name , but she played coy with him . Then as the sun was rising he asked to walk her home . She slipped away . She repeated this the next two nights . After the frolic the young master went off to find the mystery woman he fell in love with . He rode the countryside searching . Eventually he sadly returned home and refused to eat . The First Cook was saying how he was wasting away and needed to eat . Moss Gown asked to serve his dinner that evening . She ran to her room and called the Cat Woman . The Cat Woman told her not to run in the morning this time . Moss Gown appeared with his food and when he realized it was her , he was so happy and ate . They spent the evening together talking aThe next morning Moss Gown saw him and asked him if he knew who she was . He did not . She told him he was always welcome at her table and went in and told the first cook to plan a dinner with no salt . The old man pushed away the plate . Moss Gown handed him the saltcellar and said to him , " I love you the way meat loves salt . " At that moment he knew it was his long - lost favorite daughter , Candace . The husband invited the father to stay with them as long as he wished . They all lived happily together with much celebration . There has been a lot of talk about race in the news and all over the place lately . With the Trayvon Martin shooting and his killer 's trial and of course with the not guilty verdict , it seems everyone has an opinion about it . I 've heard on some stations that this whole case has nothing to do with race whereas others say it has everything to do with race . Either way , let us remember that a 17 - year - old walking home from a quick trip to a convenience store . His home was in a gated community that had several break - ins and other issues recently , so they started a neighborhood watch led by George Zimmerman , the shooter . Zimmerman had a gun because of a lose pit bull in the neighborhood . Zimmerman called the police to report a suspicious looking male in the neighborhood . The police dispatcher told him he did not have to chase him , but he did . After getting off the phone , Martin had been shot by Zimmerman 70 yards from the townhouse he was staying at . Now this happened in Florida and the state of Florida has a Stand Your Ground Law . This law is what got Zimmerman acquitted . ( Source ) Listening to all the different points of view and trying to make sense of it is hard and confusing . Even President Obama has given his opinion on it all . The truth of it is we as a society / country and world need to find a way to co - exist . We need to realize we are all creatures of Earth and have all been created by God ( at least in my beliefs ) . We need to remember that each of us no matter what we have done are loved by God . We need to get rid of our institutionalized racism ( as well as the other - isms ) and learn to accept our differences . We need people to have a sense of responsibility for themselves again and not to blame the other guy ( whether a person or a business ) . But most of all we need to teach our children by example to love one another and to end the violence in our world . I am going to share a true story with you . This story breaks my heart and I think it is a perfect example of how much our media has influenced our youth . I was CThen she came around the display to the white Barbie dolls . Her response was , " Ooooh , prettier . " Now it broke my heart . As a teacher and an adviser to a multicultural club at the high school I was teaching , I felt like I needed to do something , but I also assumed the adults who were with the child ( but not in hearing distance ) would question me , a stranger , talking to their young child ( she was probably six or seven ) . At this point my friend was finished and the girl 's mother called her over , so I had done nothing , but the incident has always remained with me . I have gone through many years of diversity training and have also chaperoned many student trips to diversity trainings . I have even spent a week as an adviser for a session of the National Conference For Community and Justice 's ( NCCJ ) Anytown . I have to say I had my most interesting night there before the kids arrived spending most of a night talking to my two roommates about how we knew whether we were heterosexual or homosexual . They were both lesbians . I know about affinity groups and have heard many stories from them after being broken into them . I know how much prejudice there still is in our country . I also know it is wrong . I understand people are upset about how messed up our welfare system is and I agree it is . I also think our entire society needs a responsibility check . When someone can sue a company for giving them a hot coffee that burns them when they spill and win the case , we have problems and this to me is where the welfare issues stem from . We all seem to feel entitled to something even if it is not ours , and we have not worked for it and it does not seem to matter the color of your skin . The United States use to be a country where people came and worked hard and had a good life getting ahead . Now if we are born here we feel entitled to that good life and if people come here legally or not , they feel entitled . We seem to be missing the working hard . Some may say there are no jobs , we have a bad economy , but these entitlements go back much too far for those to be our reasons . But I have digressed onto another topic than the one I wanted to discuss . We all need to think before we act or say something . We need to be responsible for our own actions and not judged by those of someone like us . We need to step out of our comfort zones sometimes to meet others part way . We need to learn more about other cultures so we can find some similarities . And we need to remember there are bad and good in every culture , race , group and the bad does not define the whole . As a Christian I know the Bible tells me that Jesus taught us to love everyone as we love ourselves for this is how God loves us . I know I strive to do this . I am human so I know it is probably not completely possible for me , but I can still strive for it . Since I have been focusing on this , I know I feel much happier and more satisfied with my life . Will you join in me in striving to make the world a more loved place by trying to love others how God loves us ? Remember God gave us freewill , but with freewill comes responsibility . This week we had a most clicked and I picked six of my favorites to feature . I hope you will check them all out . My six favorites have a bit of a summer theme . I know I am enjoying my summer and hope you are as well . Thank you to everyone who shared last week ! ! I hope you will join us and share again ! ! If you are featured here , please feel free to grab a featured button to display proudly on your blog . Featured Button Code : 1 ) Please follow Crafty Moms Share via GFC ( or one of the other ways that work for you ) . 2 ) Link any kid - friendly , child - centered post . Please no etsy shops or giveaways , etc . Remember to link to your actual post . 3 ) Post the newly updated button on your sidebar or somewhere on your blog to help spread the word . Today I am going to start a new series on flamingos . Now Hazel has loved flamingos from a young age . They were one of her favorite animals at the zoo from the first time we went there . Since she has shown an interest in them we tend to focus on them a bit . So each Friday we will share a book , movie , craft , activity about flamingos . I love this picture of Hazel at Sea World this June with one of the flamingos who was being taken back to his cage with a couple of his friends . You can see how big they actually are . However today we are going to share a wonderful book we found at the library . It is wordless . The book is Flora and the Flamingo by Molly Idle . Hazel and Flora did well until the sleeping pose came . Then they both ended in a bit of a somersault . At this point the flamingo invites Flora to dance with it teaching her the poses . They dance as a couple for some of it . We did this , but could not get pictures . I did take this last picture of her though . We truly enjoyed Flora and the Flamingo and trying to copy the movements in it . I hope you will check it out and have enjoyed our first flamingo post . Posted by Today 's Clue Travel the world to stretch the week . Now take a look around on this site and try to find the post that fits the clue . Once you think you 've found it , pin it to the Pinterest Board you 've created just for this contest . Be sure to pop over to The Art of Home Education for the other clue for today . A full schedule and rules of the game can be found below . Don 't forget to enter the Rafflecopter at the bottom for more chances to win ! Each day a new clue ( or two ! ) will be revealed . Follow the clue to the blog of the day and pin the post described in the clue . ( Any image from the post is fine ) . In the Rafflecopter below , enter the link to the Pinterest board you created for this contest . The Rafflecopter will also have lots of other ways to earn extra entries . The only required entry is the link to your Pinterest board . Please note : You can enter the Rafflecopter at any point during the contest . Obviously your board won 't be complete until the end of the contest , but you can enter the link in the Rafflecopter before then . If your name is drawn at the end of the contest , we will check your board at that time . The final clue will be given July 28 . Participants will have until midnight Pacific time on July 31 to finalize their boards . The drawing will take place on August 1 . Language Learning Box Set ( 3 DVDs ) from Little Pim ( $ 49 . 95 ) : The Little Pim Box Set Volume I is a great way to introduce young learners to over 180 words and phrases in the language of your choice related to daily routines , food , and playtime ! Winner can choose the language of the prize from among those available from Little Pim . ( US Shipping Only . If the grand prize winner is located outside the US , the Language Learning Box Set will become part of the 1st prize package ) . 3 Month Subscription from Little Passports ( $ 41 . 85 ) : Little Passports is a unique subscription based service that can take your family on an adventure to learn about culture and history from all 50 states and across the world . With this educational , monthly package , kids will become excited about geography , history , and culture by following the world travels of characters Sam and Sofia on their magic scooter ! Winner chooses between World and USA editions . Spanish language bundle from Spanish Playground ( $ 20 ) : traditional wooden toys and digital downloads . Wooden chicken paddle toy and wooden top ( una pirinola ) to play " toma todo . " Digital downloads of Spanish language story - coloring book Los pollitos and animal activity cards . One copy of the Bamboo Dance and one passport ( $ 14 . 99 ) from Hartlyn Kids : An illustrated children 's book about the day in the life of a child in the Philippines . The book contains a mock passport sticker . Also included is an accompanying mock passport . Hi and welcome to my blog . This is a place for me to share ideas of crafts and activities I do with my daughter and for my daughter as well as things that keep me sane . I 'm hoping others will leave comments and join in the idea sharing . Thanks for visiting ! I hope you will become a follower . Some links on this site are affiliate links and I may earn a small commission at no cost to you . And some cookies will be used to track this . Thank you ! Sharing Saturday
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Now August is always a special month for me . I mean it has my birthday ( and yes I have been known to celebrate all month long ) and my anniversary . Here at Crafty Moms Share we have some exciting things happening in August as well . But first did you know August is : Now really , where do they come up with these ? Ok , now onto what we are doing this month . We have our normal monthly things like the Virtual Book Club for Kids . This month 's author is Donald Crews . Now I really had not read any of his books before , but they are growing on me . He definitely has his own style and you will know when you are reading one of his books . They are often simple and of few words and about action . If you have a child who is into transportation ( planes , trains , trucks , etc . ) than this is an author for you . he also has some books for older children . I hope you will join us on the 19th to check out what we do with his books . With our journey through food we will be including some stories , music and crafts as well . I hope you will join us on the 20th to see what Egyptian food we have been cooking . Also there will be an Egyptian fairy tale . Since we have already discussed the Egyptian Cinderella , we will expand to another story ! Then of course we will see where Flat Stanley is visiting . If you would like to host Flat Stanley one of these upcoming months , check out the information here . It is easy and fun ! ! Plus with that wonderful list of special August holidays we will focus a bit on watermelon and we will continue our fun with Flamingo Fridays , Fairy Tales in Different Cultures and Sharing Saturday ! Plus with schools beginning for so many this month ( ours doesn 't start until September here ) I am thinking I may do a bit of a math focus for all of you . It is always good for me to keep my mind thinking mathematically . So those are some of the great things I have planned for Crafty Moms Share this month . I hope you will join us all month long ! Today Hazel was suppose to go to my mother - in - law 's for the day , but when she gave me a hug this morning I realized she had a fever . Plans changed . After running a couple quick necessary errands we got ready for a sick day of rest . So much for my to do list which included getting outside on the most beautiful day in a long while for a walk and visiting Sharing Saturday posts . Oh , well somehow I will find time to do everything that was on the list . Unlike a normal sick day , Hazel did not want to watch to much television . She wanted to do some crafts and things with Mommy . It was a long day for me . However I pulled out some of the craft kits I buy when they are on sale or clearance and we did a couple of them . One of them was a sand art kit ( well actually two ) . Hazel has loved doing sand art at the holiday stroll and other fair kind of things , so when I saw some on sale , I bought them . She had the best time . I did two and she did the rest . Now they are decorating our living room and family room . But the truth is the best part of them is making them . Do you have things stashed away for days like this ? Today I want to share a wonderful library find ! We have renewed this book , because we have been enjoying it so much . The book is Stars Beneath Your Bed : The Surprising Story of Dust by April Pulley Sayre . Now I have to admit I learned a lot from reading this book , so I do consider it educational as well as interesting . The story begins with sunrise and discussing the colors in the sky . The story than discusses dust and what it is and where it comes from . It goes through the day explaining the different places dust comes from and how it never goes away so the dust we see could be from the dinosaurs or King Tut . Another wonderful connection is that it describes dust from various places like the African savannah ( connection : Kenya ) , meerkats , ocean , Egypt with pyramids ( next month 's place on our trip Around the World in 12 Dishes ) and finally space . The book ends with how the dust will scatter the light for the sunset and then create the colors of the sunrise tomorrow . At the end of the book is the explanation of what dust really is and where it comes from as well as how it makes the sunset . To go along with this book , I thought it would be fun to paint some sunset and sunrise paintings . I bought Hazel a water color set so we pulled it out and tried it . She had a blast . I made two of the papers wet so we could do wet - on - wet painting and left two dry . This week we are sharing a fairy tale out of the Eastern part of North Carolina . This story seems to have so many different parts of other stories from all over the world . It amazes me how many seemed to come up in the story and remind me of the other Cinderella tales . First a little bit about North Carolina . North Carolina is in the Southeastern part of the United States . It is known as the Tar Heel State and the Old North State . The capital is Raleigh and is named after Sir Walter Raleigh . North Carolina is the 28th most extensive state and the tenth most populous . Source In 1584 , Elizabeth I granted Sir Walter Raleigh a charter for the present day North Carolina ( then part of Virginia ) . He tried to establish two colonies , but both failed . However on August 18 , 1857 , the first English child , Virginia Dare , born on American soil was born on Roanoke Island ( one of Raleigh 's colonies ) . Dare County is named after her . In 1663 King Charles II granted a charter to settle a colony and named it Carolina in honor of his father King Charles I . In 1710 the Carolina Colony split into North Carolina and South Carolina due to disputes in governance . Some other interesting facts about North Carolina : Now onto our book . This week we are looking at Moss Gown by William H . Hooks . In his Author 's Note , Hooks discusses some of the history of North Carolina . He discusses the tradition of storytelling perserving the Elizabethan culture as well as Virginia Dare 's birth . He uses both of these to tie in the elements of King Lear as well as Cinderella to this story . There is apparently a similar story in the Western part of North Carolina called Rush Cape where the dress is made of something else since there was not Spanish moss in the Appalachia . He also discusses the term gris - gris being French and known in the Carolinas as a kind of spell that often , but not always is evil . These are the words the magic cat woman uses to help Moss Gown . Now the story . A wealthy man lived in a large Southern mansion with his three daughters . He was growing old and no longer enjoyed riding his horse around his land or hunting in the swamp . He tended to sit on the porch and stare out . One stormy day his youngest daughter , Candace , ran out to get him out of the rain , but he said to call her sisters because he had gifts for them . The older daughters who had been watching it all came right out when hearing the word gifts . The man told his daughters to tell him how much they loved him and based on their answers he would divide the land . The oldest two told him they loved him more than jewels and riches . While Candace thought about her answer and wanted something truly from her heart . She replied that she loved him more than meat loves salt . Now if you have been following this series for awhile you may remember this storyline from a Jewish Cinderella that takes place in Poland . The older sisters laughed at her answer and Candace could not find the words to explain what she meant . The father gave the oldest daughters all of his land . That night they chased Candace out into the storm since they now owned the land . Candace wandered in the storm . Strangely she was not afraid even when the wind picked her up and flew her over the cypress treetops in the swamp . The wind put her down on a soft bed of Spanish moss . There she fell asleep . She was awoken by someone singing . When she opened her eyes she saw a black woman with green eyes who she felt looked like a cat . She was singing a song with the words , " Gris - gris " in it . As stated above this was known in the Carolinas to be a magic term that usually caused evil . The woman was holding a beautiful gossamer dress . Candace hid from the woman , but the woman left the dress with her and told her if she ever needed her to say the rhyme . After she left , Candace put on the dress and her feet seemed to know the way she should go . At sunlight her dress turned to rags made from moss . ( Now this part of the story reminded me of the Alaskan Cinderella where the dress changed in sunlight . ) Her feet brought her to a house that looked very much like her father 's . She knocked and the mistress of the house took pity on the girl dressed in rags and moss and sent her to do chores in the kitchen . Not wanting to reveal her real name , she told the first cook that her name was Moss Gown ( like the cat woman called her in the swamp ) . The kitchen staff gave her the worst jobs , but she did them . She always dreamed of returning to her father 's home , but after six months she realized she never would since she was not wanted there . One day the First Cook announced that the young master of the house was going to host a three - day frolic with a ball each night and all of the household staff could go to the balls if they had a ball dress . Since Moss Gown did not have a ball gown and only had her moss rags and borrowed clothes she was the only one not to go . While trying to fall asleep the first night she could not due to the noise . She remembered her moss dress that was under her bed and the cat woman . She pulled out the dress and called the cat woman with the line she had been told . The cat woman appeared and touched the dress . It became the beautiful gossamer gown again . She warned Moss Gown that it would be rags again as the morning star disappeared . Moss Gown made quite the entrance . The young master danced the night away with her . He asked her name , but she played coy with him . Then as the sun was rising he asked to walk her home . She slipped away . She repeated this the next two nights . After the frolic the young master went off to find the mystery woman he fell in love with . He rode the countryside searching . Eventually he sadly returned home and refused to eat . The First Cook was saying how he was wasting away and needed to eat . Moss Gown asked to serve his dinner that evening . She ran to her room and called the Cat Woman . The Cat Woman told her not to run in the morning this time . Moss Gown appeared with his food and when he realized it was her , he was so happy and ate . They spent the evening together talking aThe next morning Moss Gown saw him and asked him if he knew who she was . He did not . She told him he was always welcome at her table and went in and told the first cook to plan a dinner with no salt . The old man pushed away the plate . Moss Gown handed him the saltcellar and said to him , " I love you the way meat loves salt . " At that moment he knew it was his long - lost favorite daughter , Candace . The husband invited the father to stay with them as long as he wished . They all lived happily together with much celebration . There has been a lot of talk about race in the news and all over the place lately . With the Trayvon Martin shooting and his killer 's trial and of course with the not guilty verdict , it seems everyone has an opinion about it . I 've heard on some stations that this whole case has nothing to do with race whereas others say it has everything to do with race . Either way , let us remember that a 17 - year - old walking home from a quick trip to a convenience store . His home was in a gated community that had several break - ins and other issues recently , so they started a neighborhood watch led by George Zimmerman , the shooter . Zimmerman had a gun because of a lose pit bull in the neighborhood . Zimmerman called the police to report a suspicious looking male in the neighborhood . The police dispatcher told him he did not have to chase him , but he did . After getting off the phone , Martin had been shot by Zimmerman 70 yards from the townhouse he was staying at . Now this happened in Florida and the state of Florida has a Stand Your Ground Law . This law is what got Zimmerman acquitted . ( Source ) Listening to all the different points of view and trying to make sense of it is hard and confusing . Even President Obama has given his opinion on it all . The truth of it is we as a society / country and world need to find a way to co - exist . We need to realize we are all creatures of Earth and have all been created by God ( at least in my beliefs ) . We need to remember that each of us no matter what we have done are loved by God . We need to get rid of our institutionalized racism ( as well as the other - isms ) and learn to accept our differences . We need people to have a sense of responsibility for themselves again and not to blame the other guy ( whether a person or a business ) . But most of all we need to teach our children by example to love one another and to end the violence in our world . I am going to share a true story with you . This story breaks my heart and I think it is a perfect example of how much our media has influenced our youth . I was CThen she came around the display to the white Barbie dolls . Her response was , " Ooooh , prettier . " Now it broke my heart . As a teacher and an adviser to a multicultural club at the high school I was teaching , I felt like I needed to do something , but I also assumed the adults who were with the child ( but not in hearing distance ) would question me , a stranger , talking to their young child ( she was probably six or seven ) . At this point my friend was finished and the girl 's mother called her over , so I had done nothing , but the incident has always remained with me . I have gone through many years of diversity training and have also chaperoned many student trips to diversity trainings . I have even spent a week as an adviser for a session of the National Conference For Community and Justice 's ( NCCJ ) Anytown . I have to say I had my most interesting night there before the kids arrived spending most of a night talking to my two roommates about how we knew whether we were heterosexual or homosexual . They were both lesbians . I know about affinity groups and have heard many stories from them after being broken into them . I know how much prejudice there still is in our country . I also know it is wrong . I understand people are upset about how messed up our welfare system is and I agree it is . I also think our entire society needs a responsibility check . When someone can sue a company for giving them a hot coffee that burns them when they spill and win the case , we have problems and this to me is where the welfare issues stem from . We all seem to feel entitled to something even if it is not ours , and we have not worked for it and it does not seem to matter the color of your skin . The United States use to be a country where people came and worked hard and had a good life getting ahead . Now if we are born here we feel entitled to that good life and if people come here legally or not , they feel entitled . We seem to be missing the working hard . Some may say there are no jobs , we have a bad economy , but these entitlements go back much too far for those to be our reasons . But I have digressed onto another topic than the one I wanted to discuss . We all need to think before we act or say something . We need to be responsible for our own actions and not judged by those of someone like us . We need to step out of our comfort zones sometimes to meet others part way . We need to learn more about other cultures so we can find some similarities . And we need to remember there are bad and good in every culture , race , group and the bad does not define the whole . As a Christian I know the Bible tells me that Jesus taught us to love everyone as we love ourselves for this is how God loves us . I know I strive to do this . I am human so I know it is probably not completely possible for me , but I can still strive for it . Since I have been focusing on this , I know I feel much happier and more satisfied with my life . Will you join in me in striving to make the world a more loved place by trying to love others how God loves us ? Remember God gave us freewill , but with freewill comes responsibility . This week we had a most clicked and I picked six of my favorites to feature . I hope you will check them all out . My six favorites have a bit of a summer theme . I know I am enjoying my summer and hope you are as well . Thank you to everyone who shared last week ! ! I hope you will join us and share again ! ! If you are featured here , please feel free to grab a featured button to display proudly on your blog . Featured Button Code : 1 ) Please follow Crafty Moms Share via GFC ( or one of the other ways that work for you ) . 2 ) Link any kid - friendly , child - centered post . Please no etsy shops or giveaways , etc . Remember to link to your actual post . 3 ) Post the newly updated button on your sidebar or somewhere on your blog to help spread the word . Today I am going to start a new series on flamingos . Now Hazel has loved flamingos from a young age . They were one of her favorite animals at the zoo from the first time we went there . Since she has shown an interest in them we tend to focus on them a bit . So each Friday we will share a book , movie , craft , activity about flamingos . I love this picture of Hazel at Sea World this June with one of the flamingos who was being taken back to his cage with a couple of his friends . You can see how big they actually are . However today we are going to share a wonderful book we found at the library . It is wordless . The book is Flora and the Flamingo by Molly Idle . Hazel and Flora did well until the sleeping pose came . Then they both ended in a bit of a somersault . At this point the flamingo invites Flora to dance with it teaching her the poses . They dance as a couple for some of it . We did this , but could not get pictures . I did take this last picture of her though . We truly enjoyed Flora and the Flamingo and trying to copy the movements in it . I hope you will check it out and have enjoyed our first flamingo post . Posted by Today 's Clue Travel the world to stretch the week . Now take a look around on this site and try to find the post that fits the clue . Once you think you 've found it , pin it to the Pinterest Board you 've created just for this contest . Be sure to pop over to The Art of Home Education for the other clue for today . A full schedule and rules of the game can be found below . Don 't forget to enter the Rafflecopter at the bottom for more chances to win ! Each day a new clue ( or two ! ) will be revealed . Follow the clue to the blog of the day and pin the post described in the clue . ( Any image from the post is fine ) . In the Rafflecopter below , enter the link to the Pinterest board you created for this contest . The Rafflecopter will also have lots of other ways to earn extra entries . The only required entry is the link to your Pinterest board . Please note : You can enter the Rafflecopter at any point during the contest . Obviously your board won 't be complete until the end of the contest , but you can enter the link in the Rafflecopter before then . If your name is drawn at the end of the contest , we will check your board at that time . The final clue will be given July 28 . Participants will have until midnight Pacific time on July 31 to finalize their boards . The drawing will take place on August 1 . Language Learning Box Set ( 3 DVDs ) from Little Pim ( $ 49 . 95 ) : The Little Pim Box Set Volume I is a great way to introduce young learners to over 180 words and phrases in the language of your choice related to daily routines , food , and playtime ! Winner can choose the language of the prize from among those available from Little Pim . ( US Shipping Only . If the grand prize winner is located outside the US , the Language Learning Box Set will become part of the 1st prize package ) . 3 Month Subscription from Little Passports ( $ 41 . 85 ) : Little Passports is a unique subscription based service that can take your family on an adventure to learn about culture and history from all 50 states and across the world . With this educational , monthly package , kids will become excited about geography , history , and culture by following the world travels of characters Sam and Sofia on their magic scooter ! Winner chooses between World and USA editions . Spanish language bundle from Spanish Playground ( $ 20 ) : traditional wooden toys and digital downloads . Wooden chicken paddle toy and wooden top ( una pirinola ) to play " toma todo . " Digital downloads of Spanish language story - coloring book Los pollitos and animal activity cards . One copy of the Bamboo Dance and one passport ( $ 14 . 99 ) from Hartlyn Kids : An illustrated children 's book about the day in the life of a child in the Philippines . The book contains a mock passport sticker . Also included is an accompanying mock passport . Hi and welcome to my blog . This is a place for me to share ideas of crafts and activities I do with my daughter and for my daughter as well as things that keep me sane . I 'm hoping others will leave comments and join in the idea sharing . Thanks for visiting ! I hope you will become a follower . Some links on this site are affiliate links and I may earn a small commission at no cost to you . And some cookies will be used to track this . Thank you ! Sharing Saturday
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Now August is always a special month for me . I mean it has my birthday ( and yes I have been known to celebrate all month long ) and my anniversary . Here at Crafty Moms Share we have some exciting things happening in August as well . But first did you know August is : Now really , where do they come up with these ? Ok , now onto what we are doing this month . We have our normal monthly things like the Virtual Book Club for Kids . This month 's author is Donald Crews . Now I really had not read any of his books before , but they are growing on me . He definitely has his own style and you will know when you are reading one of his books . They are often simple and of few words and about action . If you have a child who is into transportation ( planes , trains , trucks , etc . ) than this is an author for you . he also has some books for older children . I hope you will join us on the 19th to check out what we do with his books . With our journey through food we will be including some stories , music and crafts as well . I hope you will join us on the 20th to see what Egyptian food we have been cooking . Also there will be an Egyptian fairy tale . Since we have already discussed the Egyptian Cinderella , we will expand to another story ! Then of course we will see where Flat Stanley is visiting . If you would like to host Flat Stanley one of these upcoming months , check out the information here . It is easy and fun ! ! Plus with that wonderful list of special August holidays we will focus a bit on watermelon and we will continue our fun with Flamingo Fridays , Fairy Tales in Different Cultures and Sharing Saturday ! Plus with schools beginning for so many this month ( ours doesn 't start until September here ) I am thinking I may do a bit of a math focus for all of you . It is always good for me to keep my mind thinking mathematically . So those are some of the great things I have planned for Crafty Moms Share this month . I hope you will join us all month long ! Today Hazel was suppose to go to my mother - in - law 's for the day , but when she gave me a hug this morning I realized she had a fever . Plans changed . After running a couple quick necessary errands we got ready for a sick day of rest . So much for my to do list which included getting outside on the most beautiful day in a long while for a walk and visiting Sharing Saturday posts . Oh , well somehow I will find time to do everything that was on the list . Unlike a normal sick day , Hazel did not want to watch to much television . She wanted to do some crafts and things with Mommy . It was a long day for me . However I pulled out some of the craft kits I buy when they are on sale or clearance and we did a couple of them . One of them was a sand art kit ( well actually two ) . Hazel has loved doing sand art at the holiday stroll and other fair kind of things , so when I saw some on sale , I bought them . She had the best time . I did two and she did the rest . Now they are decorating our living room and family room . But the truth is the best part of them is making them . Do you have things stashed away for days like this ? Today I want to share a wonderful library find ! We have renewed this book , because we have been enjoying it so much . The book is Stars Beneath Your Bed : The Surprising Story of Dust by April Pulley Sayre . Now I have to admit I learned a lot from reading this book , so I do consider it educational as well as interesting . The story begins with sunrise and discussing the colors in the sky . The story than discusses dust and what it is and where it comes from . It goes through the day explaining the different places dust comes from and how it never goes away so the dust we see could be from the dinosaurs or King Tut . Another wonderful connection is that it describes dust from various places like the African savannah ( connection : Kenya ) , meerkats , ocean , Egypt with pyramids ( next month 's place on our trip Around the World in 12 Dishes ) and finally space . The book ends with how the dust will scatter the light for the sunset and then create the colors of the sunrise tomorrow . At the end of the book is the explanation of what dust really is and where it comes from as well as how it makes the sunset . To go along with this book , I thought it would be fun to paint some sunset and sunrise paintings . I bought Hazel a water color set so we pulled it out and tried it . She had a blast . I made two of the papers wet so we could do wet - on - wet painting and left two dry . This week we are sharing a fairy tale out of the Eastern part of North Carolina . This story seems to have so many different parts of other stories from all over the world . It amazes me how many seemed to come up in the story and remind me of the other Cinderella tales . First a little bit about North Carolina . North Carolina is in the Southeastern part of the United States . It is known as the Tar Heel State and the Old North State . The capital is Raleigh and is named after Sir Walter Raleigh . North Carolina is the 28th most extensive state and the tenth most populous . Source In 1584 , Elizabeth I granted Sir Walter Raleigh a charter for the present day North Carolina ( then part of Virginia ) . He tried to establish two colonies , but both failed . However on August 18 , 1857 , the first English child , Virginia Dare , born on American soil was born on Roanoke Island ( one of Raleigh 's colonies ) . Dare County is named after her . In 1663 King Charles II granted a charter to settle a colony and named it Carolina in honor of his father King Charles I . In 1710 the Carolina Colony split into North Carolina and South Carolina due to disputes in governance . Some other interesting facts about North Carolina : Now onto our book . This week we are looking at Moss Gown by William H . Hooks . In his Author 's Note , Hooks discusses some of the history of North Carolina . He discusses the tradition of storytelling perserving the Elizabethan culture as well as Virginia Dare 's birth . He uses both of these to tie in the elements of King Lear as well as Cinderella to this story . There is apparently a similar story in the Western part of North Carolina called Rush Cape where the dress is made of something else since there was not Spanish moss in the Appalachia . He also discusses the term gris - gris being French and known in the Carolinas as a kind of spell that often , but not always is evil . These are the words the magic cat woman uses to help Moss Gown . Now the story . A wealthy man lived in a large Southern mansion with his three daughters . He was growing old and no longer enjoyed riding his horse around his land or hunting in the swamp . He tended to sit on the porch and stare out . One stormy day his youngest daughter , Candace , ran out to get him out of the rain , but he said to call her sisters because he had gifts for them . The older daughters who had been watching it all came right out when hearing the word gifts . The man told his daughters to tell him how much they loved him and based on their answers he would divide the land . The oldest two told him they loved him more than jewels and riches . While Candace thought about her answer and wanted something truly from her heart . She replied that she loved him more than meat loves salt . Now if you have been following this series for awhile you may remember this storyline from a Jewish Cinderella that takes place in Poland . The older sisters laughed at her answer and Candace could not find the words to explain what she meant . The father gave the oldest daughters all of his land . That night they chased Candace out into the storm since they now owned the land . Candace wandered in the storm . Strangely she was not afraid even when the wind picked her up and flew her over the cypress treetops in the swamp . The wind put her down on a soft bed of Spanish moss . There she fell asleep . She was awoken by someone singing . When she opened her eyes she saw a black woman with green eyes who she felt looked like a cat . She was singing a song with the words , " Gris - gris " in it . As stated above this was known in the Carolinas to be a magic term that usually caused evil . The woman was holding a beautiful gossamer dress . Candace hid from the woman , but the woman left the dress with her and told her if she ever needed her to say the rhyme . After she left , Candace put on the dress and her feet seemed to know the way she should go . At sunlight her dress turned to rags made from moss . ( Now this part of the story reminded me of the Alaskan Cinderella where the dress changed in sunlight . ) Her feet brought her to a house that looked very much like her father 's . She knocked and the mistress of the house took pity on the girl dressed in rags and moss and sent her to do chores in the kitchen . Not wanting to reveal her real name , she told the first cook that her name was Moss Gown ( like the cat woman called her in the swamp ) . The kitchen staff gave her the worst jobs , but she did them . She always dreamed of returning to her father 's home , but after six months she realized she never would since she was not wanted there . One day the First Cook announced that the young master of the house was going to host a three - day frolic with a ball each night and all of the household staff could go to the balls if they had a ball dress . Since Moss Gown did not have a ball gown and only had her moss rags and borrowed clothes she was the only one not to go . While trying to fall asleep the first night she could not due to the noise . She remembered her moss dress that was under her bed and the cat woman . She pulled out the dress and called the cat woman with the line she had been told . The cat woman appeared and touched the dress . It became the beautiful gossamer gown again . She warned Moss Gown that it would be rags again as the morning star disappeared . Moss Gown made quite the entrance . The young master danced the night away with her . He asked her name , but she played coy with him . Then as the sun was rising he asked to walk her home . She slipped away . She repeated this the next two nights . After the frolic the young master went off to find the mystery woman he fell in love with . He rode the countryside searching . Eventually he sadly returned home and refused to eat . The First Cook was saying how he was wasting away and needed to eat . Moss Gown asked to serve his dinner that evening . She ran to her room and called the Cat Woman . The Cat Woman told her not to run in the morning this time . Moss Gown appeared with his food and when he realized it was her , he was so happy and ate . They spent the evening together talking aThe next morning Moss Gown saw him and asked him if he knew who she was . He did not . She told him he was always welcome at her table and went in and told the first cook to plan a dinner with no salt . The old man pushed away the plate . Moss Gown handed him the saltcellar and said to him , " I love you the way meat loves salt . " At that moment he knew it was his long - lost favorite daughter , Candace . The husband invited the father to stay with them as long as he wished . They all lived happily together with much celebration . There has been a lot of talk about race in the news and all over the place lately . With the Trayvon Martin shooting and his killer 's trial and of course with the not guilty verdict , it seems everyone has an opinion about it . I 've heard on some stations that this whole case has nothing to do with race whereas others say it has everything to do with race . Either way , let us remember that a 17 - year - old walking home from a quick trip to a convenience store . His home was in a gated community that had several break - ins and other issues recently , so they started a neighborhood watch led by George Zimmerman , the shooter . Zimmerman had a gun because of a lose pit bull in the neighborhood . Zimmerman called the police to report a suspicious looking male in the neighborhood . The police dispatcher told him he did not have to chase him , but he did . After getting off the phone , Martin had been shot by Zimmerman 70 yards from the townhouse he was staying at . Now this happened in Florida and the state of Florida has a Stand Your Ground Law . This law is what got Zimmerman acquitted . ( Source ) Listening to all the different points of view and trying to make sense of it is hard and confusing . Even President Obama has given his opinion on it all . The truth of it is we as a society / country and world need to find a way to co - exist . We need to realize we are all creatures of Earth and have all been created by God ( at least in my beliefs ) . We need to remember that each of us no matter what we have done are loved by God . We need to get rid of our institutionalized racism ( as well as the other - isms ) and learn to accept our differences . We need people to have a sense of responsibility for themselves again and not to blame the other guy ( whether a person or a business ) . But most of all we need to teach our children by example to love one another and to end the violence in our world . I am going to share a true story with you . This story breaks my heart and I think it is a perfect example of how much our media has influenced our youth . I was CThen she came around the display to the white Barbie dolls . Her response was , " Ooooh , prettier . " Now it broke my heart . As a teacher and an adviser to a multicultural club at the high school I was teaching , I felt like I needed to do something , but I also assumed the adults who were with the child ( but not in hearing distance ) would question me , a stranger , talking to their young child ( she was probably six or seven ) . At this point my friend was finished and the girl 's mother called her over , so I had done nothing , but the incident has always remained with me . I have gone through many years of diversity training and have also chaperoned many student trips to diversity trainings . I have even spent a week as an adviser for a session of the National Conference For Community and Justice 's ( NCCJ ) Anytown . I have to say I had my most interesting night there before the kids arrived spending most of a night talking to my two roommates about how we knew whether we were heterosexual or homosexual . They were both lesbians . I know about affinity groups and have heard many stories from them after being broken into them . I know how much prejudice there still is in our country . I also know it is wrong . I understand people are upset about how messed up our welfare system is and I agree it is . I also think our entire society needs a responsibility check . When someone can sue a company for giving them a hot coffee that burns them when they spill and win the case , we have problems and this to me is where the welfare issues stem from . We all seem to feel entitled to something even if it is not ours , and we have not worked for it and it does not seem to matter the color of your skin . The United States use to be a country where people came and worked hard and had a good life getting ahead . Now if we are born here we feel entitled to that good life and if people come here legally or not , they feel entitled . We seem to be missing the working hard . Some may say there are no jobs , we have a bad economy , but these entitlements go back much too far for those to be our reasons . But I have digressed onto another topic than the one I wanted to discuss . We all need to think before we act or say something . We need to be responsible for our own actions and not judged by those of someone like us . We need to step out of our comfort zones sometimes to meet others part way . We need to learn more about other cultures so we can find some similarities . And we need to remember there are bad and good in every culture , race , group and the bad does not define the whole . As a Christian I know the Bible tells me that Jesus taught us to love everyone as we love ourselves for this is how God loves us . I know I strive to do this . I am human so I know it is probably not completely possible for me , but I can still strive for it . Since I have been focusing on this , I know I feel much happier and more satisfied with my life . Will you join in me in striving to make the world a more loved place by trying to love others how God loves us ? Remember God gave us freewill , but with freewill comes responsibility . This week we had a most clicked and I picked six of my favorites to feature . I hope you will check them all out . My six favorites have a bit of a summer theme . I know I am enjoying my summer and hope you are as well . Thank you to everyone who shared last week ! ! I hope you will join us and share again ! ! If you are featured here , please feel free to grab a featured button to display proudly on your blog . Featured Button Code : 1 ) Please follow Crafty Moms Share via GFC ( or one of the other ways that work for you ) . 2 ) Link any kid - friendly , child - centered post . Please no etsy shops or giveaways , etc . Remember to link to your actual post . 3 ) Post the newly updated button on your sidebar or somewhere on your blog to help spread the word . Today I am going to start a new series on flamingos . Now Hazel has loved flamingos from a young age . They were one of her favorite animals at the zoo from the first time we went there . Since she has shown an interest in them we tend to focus on them a bit . So each Friday we will share a book , movie , craft , activity about flamingos . I love this picture of Hazel at Sea World this June with one of the flamingos who was being taken back to his cage with a couple of his friends . You can see how big they actually are . However today we are going to share a wonderful book we found at the library . It is wordless . The book is Flora and the Flamingo by Molly Idle . Hazel and Flora did well until the sleeping pose came . Then they both ended in a bit of a somersault . At this point the flamingo invites Flora to dance with it teaching her the poses . They dance as a couple for some of it . We did this , but could not get pictures . I did take this last picture of her though . We truly enjoyed Flora and the Flamingo and trying to copy the movements in it . I hope you will check it out and have enjoyed our first flamingo post . Posted by Today 's Clue Travel the world to stretch the week . Now take a look around on this site and try to find the post that fits the clue . Once you think you 've found it , pin it to the Pinterest Board you 've created just for this contest . Be sure to pop over to The Art of Home Education for the other clue for today . A full schedule and rules of the game can be found below . Don 't forget to enter the Rafflecopter at the bottom for more chances to win ! Each day a new clue ( or two ! ) will be revealed . Follow the clue to the blog of the day and pin the post described in the clue . ( Any image from the post is fine ) . In the Rafflecopter below , enter the link to the Pinterest board you created for this contest . The Rafflecopter will also have lots of other ways to earn extra entries . The only required entry is the link to your Pinterest board . Please note : You can enter the Rafflecopter at any point during the contest . Obviously your board won 't be complete until the end of the contest , but you can enter the link in the Rafflecopter before then . If your name is drawn at the end of the contest , we will check your board at that time . The final clue will be given July 28 . Participants will have until midnight Pacific time on July 31 to finalize their boards . The drawing will take place on August 1 . Language Learning Box Set ( 3 DVDs ) from Little Pim ( $ 49 . 95 ) : The Little Pim Box Set Volume I is a great way to introduce young learners to over 180 words and phrases in the language of your choice related to daily routines , food , and playtime ! Winner can choose the language of the prize from among those available from Little Pim . ( US Shipping Only . If the grand prize winner is located outside the US , the Language Learning Box Set will become part of the 1st prize package ) . 3 Month Subscription from Little Passports ( $ 41 . 85 ) : Little Passports is a unique subscription based service that can take your family on an adventure to learn about culture and history from all 50 states and across the world . With this educational , monthly package , kids will become excited about geography , history , and culture by following the world travels of characters Sam and Sofia on their magic scooter ! Winner chooses between World and USA editions . Spanish language bundle from Spanish Playground ( $ 20 ) : traditional wooden toys and digital downloads . Wooden chicken paddle toy and wooden top ( una pirinola ) to play " toma todo . " Digital downloads of Spanish language story - coloring book Los pollitos and animal activity cards . One copy of the Bamboo Dance and one passport ( $ 14 . 99 ) from Hartlyn Kids : An illustrated children 's book about the day in the life of a child in the Philippines . The book contains a mock passport sticker . Also included is an accompanying mock passport . Hi and welcome to my blog . This is a place for me to share ideas of crafts and activities I do with my daughter and for my daughter as well as things that keep me sane . I 'm hoping others will leave comments and join in the idea sharing . Thanks for visiting ! I hope you will become a follower . Some links on this site are affiliate links and I may earn a small commission at no cost to you . And some cookies will be used to track this . Thank you ! Sharing Saturday
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Now August is always a special month for me . I mean it has my birthday ( and yes I have been known to celebrate all month long ) and my anniversary . Here at Crafty Moms Share we have some exciting things happening in August as well . But first did you know August is : Now really , where do they come up with these ? Ok , now onto what we are doing this month . We have our normal monthly things like the Virtual Book Club for Kids . This month 's author is Donald Crews . Now I really had not read any of his books before , but they are growing on me . He definitely has his own style and you will know when you are reading one of his books . They are often simple and of few words and about action . If you have a child who is into transportation ( planes , trains , trucks , etc . ) than this is an author for you . he also has some books for older children . I hope you will join us on the 19th to check out what we do with his books . With our journey through food we will be including some stories , music and crafts as well . I hope you will join us on the 20th to see what Egyptian food we have been cooking . Also there will be an Egyptian fairy tale . Since we have already discussed the Egyptian Cinderella , we will expand to another story ! Then of course we will see where Flat Stanley is visiting . If you would like to host Flat Stanley one of these upcoming months , check out the information here . It is easy and fun ! ! Plus with that wonderful list of special August holidays we will focus a bit on watermelon and we will continue our fun with Flamingo Fridays , Fairy Tales in Different Cultures and Sharing Saturday ! Plus with schools beginning for so many this month ( ours doesn 't start until September here ) I am thinking I may do a bit of a math focus for all of you . It is always good for me to keep my mind thinking mathematically . So those are some of the great things I have planned for Crafty Moms Share this month . I hope you will join us all month long ! Today Hazel was suppose to go to my mother - in - law 's for the day , but when she gave me a hug this morning I realized she had a fever . Plans changed . After running a couple quick necessary errands we got ready for a sick day of rest . So much for my to do list which included getting outside on the most beautiful day in a long while for a walk and visiting Sharing Saturday posts . Oh , well somehow I will find time to do everything that was on the list . Unlike a normal sick day , Hazel did not want to watch to much television . She wanted to do some crafts and things with Mommy . It was a long day for me . However I pulled out some of the craft kits I buy when they are on sale or clearance and we did a couple of them . One of them was a sand art kit ( well actually two ) . Hazel has loved doing sand art at the holiday stroll and other fair kind of things , so when I saw some on sale , I bought them . She had the best time . I did two and she did the rest . Now they are decorating our living room and family room . But the truth is the best part of them is making them . Do you have things stashed away for days like this ? Today I want to share a wonderful library find ! We have renewed this book , because we have been enjoying it so much . The book is Stars Beneath Your Bed : The Surprising Story of Dust by April Pulley Sayre . Now I have to admit I learned a lot from reading this book , so I do consider it educational as well as interesting . The story begins with sunrise and discussing the colors in the sky . The story than discusses dust and what it is and where it comes from . It goes through the day explaining the different places dust comes from and how it never goes away so the dust we see could be from the dinosaurs or King Tut . Another wonderful connection is that it describes dust from various places like the African savannah ( connection : Kenya ) , meerkats , ocean , Egypt with pyramids ( next month 's place on our trip Around the World in 12 Dishes ) and finally space . The book ends with how the dust will scatter the light for the sunset and then create the colors of the sunrise tomorrow . At the end of the book is the explanation of what dust really is and where it comes from as well as how it makes the sunset . To go along with this book , I thought it would be fun to paint some sunset and sunrise paintings . I bought Hazel a water color set so we pulled it out and tried it . She had a blast . I made two of the papers wet so we could do wet - on - wet painting and left two dry . This week we are sharing a fairy tale out of the Eastern part of North Carolina . This story seems to have so many different parts of other stories from all over the world . It amazes me how many seemed to come up in the story and remind me of the other Cinderella tales . First a little bit about North Carolina . North Carolina is in the Southeastern part of the United States . It is known as the Tar Heel State and the Old North State . The capital is Raleigh and is named after Sir Walter Raleigh . North Carolina is the 28th most extensive state and the tenth most populous . Source In 1584 , Elizabeth I granted Sir Walter Raleigh a charter for the present day North Carolina ( then part of Virginia ) . He tried to establish two colonies , but both failed . However on August 18 , 1857 , the first English child , Virginia Dare , born on American soil was born on Roanoke Island ( one of Raleigh 's colonies ) . Dare County is named after her . In 1663 King Charles II granted a charter to settle a colony and named it Carolina in honor of his father King Charles I . In 1710 the Carolina Colony split into North Carolina and South Carolina due to disputes in governance . Some other interesting facts about North Carolina : Now onto our book . This week we are looking at Moss Gown by William H . Hooks . In his Author 's Note , Hooks discusses some of the history of North Carolina . He discusses the tradition of storytelling perserving the Elizabethan culture as well as Virginia Dare 's birth . He uses both of these to tie in the elements of King Lear as well as Cinderella to this story . There is apparently a similar story in the Western part of North Carolina called Rush Cape where the dress is made of something else since there was not Spanish moss in the Appalachia . He also discusses the term gris - gris being French and known in the Carolinas as a kind of spell that often , but not always is evil . These are the words the magic cat woman uses to help Moss Gown . Now the story . A wealthy man lived in a large Southern mansion with his three daughters . He was growing old and no longer enjoyed riding his horse around his land or hunting in the swamp . He tended to sit on the porch and stare out . One stormy day his youngest daughter , Candace , ran out to get him out of the rain , but he said to call her sisters because he had gifts for them . The older daughters who had been watching it all came right out when hearing the word gifts . The man told his daughters to tell him how much they loved him and based on their answers he would divide the land . The oldest two told him they loved him more than jewels and riches . While Candace thought about her answer and wanted something truly from her heart . She replied that she loved him more than meat loves salt . Now if you have been following this series for awhile you may remember this storyline from a Jewish Cinderella that takes place in Poland . The older sisters laughed at her answer and Candace could not find the words to explain what she meant . The father gave the oldest daughters all of his land . That night they chased Candace out into the storm since they now owned the land . Candace wandered in the storm . Strangely she was not afraid even when the wind picked her up and flew her over the cypress treetops in the swamp . The wind put her down on a soft bed of Spanish moss . There she fell asleep . She was awoken by someone singing . When she opened her eyes she saw a black woman with green eyes who she felt looked like a cat . She was singing a song with the words , " Gris - gris " in it . As stated above this was known in the Carolinas to be a magic term that usually caused evil . The woman was holding a beautiful gossamer dress . Candace hid from the woman , but the woman left the dress with her and told her if she ever needed her to say the rhyme . After she left , Candace put on the dress and her feet seemed to know the way she should go . At sunlight her dress turned to rags made from moss . ( Now this part of the story reminded me of the Alaskan Cinderella where the dress changed in sunlight . ) Her feet brought her to a house that looked very much like her father 's . She knocked and the mistress of the house took pity on the girl dressed in rags and moss and sent her to do chores in the kitchen . Not wanting to reveal her real name , she told the first cook that her name was Moss Gown ( like the cat woman called her in the swamp ) . The kitchen staff gave her the worst jobs , but she did them . She always dreamed of returning to her father 's home , but after six months she realized she never would since she was not wanted there . One day the First Cook announced that the young master of the house was going to host a three - day frolic with a ball each night and all of the household staff could go to the balls if they had a ball dress . Since Moss Gown did not have a ball gown and only had her moss rags and borrowed clothes she was the only one not to go . While trying to fall asleep the first night she could not due to the noise . She remembered her moss dress that was under her bed and the cat woman . She pulled out the dress and called the cat woman with the line she had been told . The cat woman appeared and touched the dress . It became the beautiful gossamer gown again . She warned Moss Gown that it would be rags again as the morning star disappeared . Moss Gown made quite the entrance . The young master danced the night away with her . He asked her name , but she played coy with him . Then as the sun was rising he asked to walk her home . She slipped away . She repeated this the next two nights . After the frolic the young master went off to find the mystery woman he fell in love with . He rode the countryside searching . Eventually he sadly returned home and refused to eat . The First Cook was saying how he was wasting away and needed to eat . Moss Gown asked to serve his dinner that evening . She ran to her room and called the Cat Woman . The Cat Woman told her not to run in the morning this time . Moss Gown appeared with his food and when he realized it was her , he was so happy and ate . They spent the evening together talking aThe next morning Moss Gown saw him and asked him if he knew who she was . He did not . She told him he was always welcome at her table and went in and told the first cook to plan a dinner with no salt . The old man pushed away the plate . Moss Gown handed him the saltcellar and said to him , " I love you the way meat loves salt . " At that moment he knew it was his long - lost favorite daughter , Candace . The husband invited the father to stay with them as long as he wished . They all lived happily together with much celebration . There has been a lot of talk about race in the news and all over the place lately . With the Trayvon Martin shooting and his killer 's trial and of course with the not guilty verdict , it seems everyone has an opinion about it . I 've heard on some stations that this whole case has nothing to do with race whereas others say it has everything to do with race . Either way , let us remember that a 17 - year - old walking home from a quick trip to a convenience store . His home was in a gated community that had several break - ins and other issues recently , so they started a neighborhood watch led by George Zimmerman , the shooter . Zimmerman had a gun because of a lose pit bull in the neighborhood . Zimmerman called the police to report a suspicious looking male in the neighborhood . The police dispatcher told him he did not have to chase him , but he did . After getting off the phone , Martin had been shot by Zimmerman 70 yards from the townhouse he was staying at . Now this happened in Florida and the state of Florida has a Stand Your Ground Law . This law is what got Zimmerman acquitted . ( Source ) Listening to all the different points of view and trying to make sense of it is hard and confusing . Even President Obama has given his opinion on it all . The truth of it is we as a society / country and world need to find a way to co - exist . We need to realize we are all creatures of Earth and have all been created by God ( at least in my beliefs ) . We need to remember that each of us no matter what we have done are loved by God . We need to get rid of our institutionalized racism ( as well as the other - isms ) and learn to accept our differences . We need people to have a sense of responsibility for themselves again and not to blame the other guy ( whether a person or a business ) . But most of all we need to teach our children by example to love one another and to end the violence in our world . I am going to share a true story with you . This story breaks my heart and I think it is a perfect example of how much our media has influenced our youth . I was CThen she came around the display to the white Barbie dolls . Her response was , " Ooooh , prettier . " Now it broke my heart . As a teacher and an adviser to a multicultural club at the high school I was teaching , I felt like I needed to do something , but I also assumed the adults who were with the child ( but not in hearing distance ) would question me , a stranger , talking to their young child ( she was probably six or seven ) . At this point my friend was finished and the girl 's mother called her over , so I had done nothing , but the incident has always remained with me . I have gone through many years of diversity training and have also chaperoned many student trips to diversity trainings . I have even spent a week as an adviser for a session of the National Conference For Community and Justice 's ( NCCJ ) Anytown . I have to say I had my most interesting night there before the kids arrived spending most of a night talking to my two roommates about how we knew whether we were heterosexual or homosexual . They were both lesbians . I know about affinity groups and have heard many stories from them after being broken into them . I know how much prejudice there still is in our country . I also know it is wrong . I understand people are upset about how messed up our welfare system is and I agree it is . I also think our entire society needs a responsibility check . When someone can sue a company for giving them a hot coffee that burns them when they spill and win the case , we have problems and this to me is where the welfare issues stem from . We all seem to feel entitled to something even if it is not ours , and we have not worked for it and it does not seem to matter the color of your skin . The United States use to be a country where people came and worked hard and had a good life getting ahead . Now if we are born here we feel entitled to that good life and if people come here legally or not , they feel entitled . We seem to be missing the working hard . Some may say there are no jobs , we have a bad economy , but these entitlements go back much too far for those to be our reasons . But I have digressed onto another topic than the one I wanted to discuss . We all need to think before we act or say something . We need to be responsible for our own actions and not judged by those of someone like us . We need to step out of our comfort zones sometimes to meet others part way . We need to learn more about other cultures so we can find some similarities . And we need to remember there are bad and good in every culture , race , group and the bad does not define the whole . As a Christian I know the Bible tells me that Jesus taught us to love everyone as we love ourselves for this is how God loves us . I know I strive to do this . I am human so I know it is probably not completely possible for me , but I can still strive for it . Since I have been focusing on this , I know I feel much happier and more satisfied with my life . Will you join in me in striving to make the world a more loved place by trying to love others how God loves us ? Remember God gave us freewill , but with freewill comes responsibility . This week we had a most clicked and I picked six of my favorites to feature . I hope you will check them all out . My six favorites have a bit of a summer theme . I know I am enjoying my summer and hope you are as well . Thank you to everyone who shared last week ! ! I hope you will join us and share again ! ! If you are featured here , please feel free to grab a featured button to display proudly on your blog . Featured Button Code : 1 ) Please follow Crafty Moms Share via GFC ( or one of the other ways that work for you ) . 2 ) Link any kid - friendly , child - centered post . Please no etsy shops or giveaways , etc . Remember to link to your actual post . 3 ) Post the newly updated button on your sidebar or somewhere on your blog to help spread the word . Today I am going to start a new series on flamingos . Now Hazel has loved flamingos from a young age . They were one of her favorite animals at the zoo from the first time we went there . Since she has shown an interest in them we tend to focus on them a bit . So each Friday we will share a book , movie , craft , activity about flamingos . I love this picture of Hazel at Sea World this June with one of the flamingos who was being taken back to his cage with a couple of his friends . You can see how big they actually are . However today we are going to share a wonderful book we found at the library . It is wordless . The book is Flora and the Flamingo by Molly Idle . Hazel and Flora did well until the sleeping pose came . Then they both ended in a bit of a somersault . At this point the flamingo invites Flora to dance with it teaching her the poses . They dance as a couple for some of it . We did this , but could not get pictures . I did take this last picture of her though . We truly enjoyed Flora and the Flamingo and trying to copy the movements in it . I hope you will check it out and have enjoyed our first flamingo post . Posted by Today 's Clue Travel the world to stretch the week . Now take a look around on this site and try to find the post that fits the clue . Once you think you 've found it , pin it to the Pinterest Board you 've created just for this contest . Be sure to pop over to The Art of Home Education for the other clue for today . A full schedule and rules of the game can be found below . Don 't forget to enter the Rafflecopter at the bottom for more chances to win ! Each day a new clue ( or two ! ) will be revealed . Follow the clue to the blog of the day and pin the post described in the clue . ( Any image from the post is fine ) . In the Rafflecopter below , enter the link to the Pinterest board you created for this contest . The Rafflecopter will also have lots of other ways to earn extra entries . The only required entry is the link to your Pinterest board . Please note : You can enter the Rafflecopter at any point during the contest . Obviously your board won 't be complete until the end of the contest , but you can enter the link in the Rafflecopter before then . If your name is drawn at the end of the contest , we will check your board at that time . The final clue will be given July 28 . Participants will have until midnight Pacific time on July 31 to finalize their boards . The drawing will take place on August 1 . Language Learning Box Set ( 3 DVDs ) from Little Pim ( $ 49 . 95 ) : The Little Pim Box Set Volume I is a great way to introduce young learners to over 180 words and phrases in the language of your choice related to daily routines , food , and playtime ! Winner can choose the language of the prize from among those available from Little Pim . ( US Shipping Only . If the grand prize winner is located outside the US , the Language Learning Box Set will become part of the 1st prize package ) . 3 Month Subscription from Little Passports ( $ 41 . 85 ) : Little Passports is a unique subscription based service that can take your family on an adventure to learn about culture and history from all 50 states and across the world . With this educational , monthly package , kids will become excited about geography , history , and culture by following the world travels of characters Sam and Sofia on their magic scooter ! Winner chooses between World and USA editions . Spanish language bundle from Spanish Playground ( $ 20 ) : traditional wooden toys and digital downloads . Wooden chicken paddle toy and wooden top ( una pirinola ) to play " toma todo . " Digital downloads of Spanish language story - coloring book Los pollitos and animal activity cards . One copy of the Bamboo Dance and one passport ( $ 14 . 99 ) from Hartlyn Kids : An illustrated children 's book about the day in the life of a child in the Philippines . The book contains a mock passport sticker . Also included is an accompanying mock passport . Hi and welcome to my blog . This is a place for me to share ideas of crafts and activities I do with my daughter and for my daughter as well as things that keep me sane . I 'm hoping others will leave comments and join in the idea sharing . Thanks for visiting ! I hope you will become a follower . Some links on this site are affiliate links and I may earn a small commission at no cost to you . And some cookies will be used to track this . Thank you ! Sharing Saturday
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As the year comes to an end , I am so happy to say that we made it a whole year of our photography project - one photo every month of our whole family . Whilst the little changes may go unnoticed in everyday life , they seem to add up when I look back on the year . Archie started 2014 as a baby with wispy blonde hair but he ends it a cheeky toddler who has had too many haircuts to count . I thought Dylan was so big back in January but I see how much he has grown and changed with preschool and more growth spurts than I thought possible . The bloke is still mostly the same although the other side of 30 now and I . . . well I am growing outwards at an impressive rate and have had my fair share of changes too . I wrote yesterday about our year , with all our me and mine photos , but here are this months , taken on Christmas day in front of my parent 's tree - just as we did last year . Read more ⇨ 2014 has been an exciting year , with plenty of Surprises . We leave it with the same number in our little family as when it begun , but not for too much longer . Our baby has become a toddler and our toddler a preschooler . A job change , a pregnancy a promotion and some amazing experiences have shaped what we take from this year , but looking back I see smiling faces , wonder in a little person 's eyes and a year I want to remember . January was mild in weather , and we were enjoying the simple things in life . I went back to work after over 11 months of maternity leave and Archie was happy to spend one day every week with his Grandma whilst I did . Read more ⇨ I am not known for being organised , and with two boys already , we have nearly everything we need , but I am not prepared in the slightest for the arrival of our third baby boy . Whilst other mums seem to be packing hospital bags and writing birth plans , I am living in denial that our little guy could be here soon . I am so excited to have him in my arms , to meet the person I have been carrying for so long , but I am in no rush to give up my bump , or the hand to child ratio which works so well for us . With a new baby on the way , looking after myself and my family are top of my list of priorities . If anything were to happen to me , I would leave the poor bloke with three small children on his own , not only difficult but very expensive . Three children under four that would require him to either give up work or shell out more than he could afford on childcare . Three children with huge appetites and the tendency to grow out of their clothes far too fast ! My camera only came out a couple of times over Christmas , we were too busy laughing and eating that it was the last thing on my mind . Our Christmas was spent with family , a day with mine and a day with the blokes , and then back to mine again . We ate two turkey dinners , plenty of cake and our fair share of cheese too . Dylan and Archie were surrounded by loving relatives and gifts and we are currently readjusting and having a bit of a Christmas comedown as we head back to eating a normal amount , chocolate being a treat and having some quiet time and TV again . Our Christmas was magical , funny , delicious and special . It was our last as a family of four and I can 't wait to have four special guys in my life to share it with next year . Dylan really got the idea of presents this year and wanted to open everything under the tree no matter whose name was on it . Archie had fun but once he was done , he point blank refused to open any more . Father Christmas had strategically placed the satsuma at the top of their stockings , and once they unwrapped it , both boys decided to sit and eat that before moving on to anything else . When you let a one year old peel his own orange , it takes quite a time ! Here are a few snaps from the day ( - I only remembered to get my camera out in the first place because Dylan had such fantastic bed hair ) Most of the presents are wrapped , and we are off to my parent 's house for the big day so we get to skip the hectic Tesco dash . My little Christmas pudding is cooking away nicely , and the benefit of stretchy maternity jeans will be seen fully when the turkey is served ! The boys are looking forward to Father Christmas coming through the front door ( It would be silly for him to come down the chimney when we have a door apparently ! ) and Archie is wishing everyone Mesmas ( or Merry Christmas in toddler talk ) . I wanted to take a nice picture to put in the christmas cards for my close relatives , but despite the boys both being pretty happy , they were not interested in smiling or staying still ( as toddlers often aren 't ! ) . I thought I would share our best efforts though , and wish you all the merriest of Christmasses . Read more ⇨ I have had real trouble swallowing some of the pregnancy tablets that we are encouraged to take in our first trimester , and found that many left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn 't shake . My find of this pregnancy was a spray by D - Lux that contains all the vitamins and folic acid recommended , that sprays into the inside of my mouth and tastes of peach . It is a handy handbag size and so much easier to take . It has meant I continued with the vitamins past the first trimester too . Despite it being my third baby , I still love having pregnancy apps on my phone . With both the boys I had the babycentre app , but it hasn 't changed and I remember things so well , that I was happy to find a new app with daily information . Babybuddy is a free app that tells you a different piece of information every day as it follows your journey . Whether you are having your first or third , it is a lovely companion . A Vegan Kid 's Christmas Party This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias , Inc . and its advertiser . All opinions are mine alone . # Christmasparty # CollectiveBias Every Monday since the beginning of May , I have had two extra boys for the day . It has been exciting and exhausting in equal measures , there are days I think four is easier than two as they tend to pair up , and days I need a megaphone and a whistle . Hitting the third trimester in this pregnancy means things are coming to an end though , and yesterday was my last Monday with the four boys . We know that bump will be a boy but with him being our third , I am actively avoiding baby blue as far as possible . We have chosen a relatively neutral theme , of grey , white and yellow and once Christmas is out the way , I can 't wait to get decorating ! I want the nursery to be simple and relaxing , but bright at the same time . I need everything to be practical and I have learnt after two others what to prioritise . Marks and Spencers have a new baby section on their website with some great nursery inspiration - This fabric giraffe would go perfectly in Pretzel 's new room . We love bright when it comes to things for the boys , and that is why I have always been drawn towards Cosatto . Their baby products have so much personality and so do my boys so they seem a perfect match . We were recently sent the new Hootle car seat for Archie to try out , a group 0 + / 1 option that is suitable from newborn all the way through until 18kg ( approximately 4 years ) . Archie is currently borderline for rear / forward facing , but realistically he was too big to rear face as he is quite tall , so we used the seat with him facing forwards . Cosatto say this seat can rear face until 13kg , but baby can be turned at any point from 9kg should you wish . This would have been great for Dylan who reached 9kg long before he was ready to turn , and I wish we had been more aware of the options back then . Read more ⇨ Excuse the blur and shadows , I got the bloke to take the pic . . . When I think back to my first pregnancy , I felt like I had really bonded with the baby , I felt so aware of his patterns , his position and I would lay down just feeling him move and talking to him . This time I am nowhere close , and whilst I love this baby with all my heart already , I don 't feel like we have had the chance to bond in the same way . I know that once he is born , none of this will matter , but it still makes me a little sad . It feels like only now at 27 weeks I would feel confident saying I feel this baby moving enough to know if there is a disruption to his patterns , and I still spend much of my day too busy to notice . In the evenings I see my tummy moving into all sorts of funny positions and I think that baby is head down already . I had a midwife appointment this week , who has plotted my baby above the 95th centile , but as the other boys were large , they aren 't concerned . I was quite convinced I was measuring big again but I think that is just how I carry babies . I am not feeling quite as tired this week , although I think the reprieve will be short as it is around this time that energy levels start to plummet again ! I have been craving cheese though , and have demolished plenty of mozzarella balls straight from the fridge , baking camembert and cheese on crackers . I am using the ' growing bones ' excuse at the moment , but I know that snacking on a block of cheddar probably isn 't the best idea to do so regularly . I have been hanging on to a few non - maternity items , but walking around town the buttons popping open on what was a very loose shirt has meant my wardrobe is cut down even further . Thankfully , the bloke 's clothes are starting to fit , and his Christmas jumper is perfect to wear over my bump ! The highlight of Dylan 's week seems to be the two days he has lunch at Preschool . He gets so excited taking in his lunchbox , not knowing what he will find in there . Everyday is different , although that is mostly down to what we happen to have in the cupboards - everyday it comes home completely empty though , so I know he approves . Twice now , I have moved house whilst pregnant . Neither time was avoidable , but both were utterly exhausting , and I ignored the warning signs from my body telling me that I was over doing it . The bloke and I found ourselves pregnant so early on in a new relationship , but we knew we wanted to become a family , and so set about finding somewhere to live . I was back with my parents at the time , and he was renting a furnished room in a house , so not only was it a big step for us , it was an expensive one too ! We knew we had a baby on the way , but we had no real idea at this stage what a baby would entail . We guessed at things , opting for somewhere with a bath rather than a shower for washing him , and making sure the master bedroom could comfortably fit a cot in for the first few months . Ultimately time wasn 't on our side , but we found a place to make our own and moved in shortly after . Whether we like it or not , winter is on the way , and we are choosing to embrace it . I seem to be the only one apprehensive about going out in the rain and wind , and the boys have the attitude that in the right wellies they can go anywhere . Whilst we have plenty of bleak days where the rain seems relentless and I would be happy to curl up with some films , we also have glorious days , where the wind is quiet , and the sun even makes an appearance . We wrap up warm , and we enjoy as much of the day outdoors as we can . These photos are from two separate days , a park trip with Archie whilst Dylan was at preschool , where he was actually happy to keep his hat on all morning , and a day out in London with Dylan where he enjoyed running around the Christmas tree in Covent Garden and feeding the reindeer . On both days the sun shone and we had fun exploring outdoors . November has been a different month , with Dylan and I having some much needed time together and the bloke and Archie having theirs too . When we combine this with plenty of rain , days where we just don 't want to take a photo and the fact that I am feeling a bit under the weather at the moment , it meant we woke up this morning realising we hadn 't taken a photo this month . For that reason , three of us are in our pyjamas , and we are having a lazy Sunday morning , as we had to split off this afternoon for different parties again . This month has seen the temperature drop , and our weeks have involved so many more snuggles on the sofa , stories on the bed and films in the afternoons when we all need some quiet time . My camera was balanced precariously on the stand as I can 't find a missing piece and the light isn 't great . I look tired and ill and Archie has stickers in his hair - This is our November ! At 25 weeks I should be feeling full of energy and even glowing but neither of these are true of this pregnancy . I don 't feel that I have gotten into the stride of things , and I still need to nap some afternoons to get me through the days . I am so thankful that my boys seem to appreciate this need ! Whilst it is partly my own fault for not going to bed earlier , the boys don 't seem to be sleeping well at the moment and that really isn 't helping ! The first of December is withing touching distance and I am getting just a little excited ! I have tried to keep away from most of the early festivities so that I don 't have to wake up to ' Is it Christmas now ? ' every day for too long , but from December 1st we will be in full flow . Last year , we had a box of goodies downstairs for the boys on December 1st and this year we are doing something very similar . It is partly practical things , but we want to start the magic early , so here is our Advent Box . After 2 boys , it is safe to say our house has seen enough baby blue . It looked lovely on Dylan , but it didn 't take long for me to realise that it isn 't the only colour little boys can wear , and for some it just doesn 't suit them . I have always preferred Archie in brights and colours and it suits his personality . Blogging has opened up my eyes to so many different styles of clothing , and I am loving finding some less ' baby blue ' clothes ready for our newest arrival . Hello Daisy asked me to check out their website and the first place I looked was the clothes . I loved the colours and styles in the boys and unisex sections and how unique they were . We chose a lovely organic sleepsuit ready for Pretzel 's arrival next year and I can 't wait to see our little guy in it ! It is beautifully soft , feels well made and I just love the colour scheme . We had 9 months together , every day and then another 9 months of him being my number one little guy whilst I juggled part time work with being a full time Mum . At 18 months he became a big brother , and things changed . With a baby determined to be physically attached to me at all times , my little guy became closer to his Daddy as that was the natural split when it came to some one on one time . We still had our moments , but they were not as easy . With a third baby set to change things up yet again and school on the horizon , time with my biggest little guy has become even more precious than ever . He is in a period of change , with new influences at Preschool and more independence with it . He wants to do things his way , he wants to learn and grow and he can 't wait to be big . At the same time , he can change from a little boy back to my baby in the blink of an eye , and when tiredness kicks in , he cuddles in the same way he did three years ago , he sucks his thumb and he needs me as he always has . His body is growing up , and his limbs get longer as those parts that are so sweet and chubby on a baby get slimmer . He is more aware , yet still delightfully naive and he is still sensitive and still mine . We were lucky enough to be invited to see the Paddington Movie by Warburtons and our special screening in the West End cinema was a great afternoon treat . We both loved the film ( I already want to go and see it again ! ) , and it was lovely to share a popcorn and watch my little guy 's face light up as he watched the big screen . We held hands , ate cake , laughed together and enjoyed our day , we came home exhausted and happy . I miss spending every day with Dylan now that work and preschool have got in the way , and I know that he won 't always want to spend his time with me , so I am hoping we can find more time for just us , for him and I . My littlest guy has hit the milestone of 21 months , meaning that his second birthday is coming around fast . The benefit of a February baby means I don 't really need to think about this until after Christmas though which is comforting . Archie is a crazy , cuddly and cheeky toddler with a fearless streak that is so different from his brother From the moment he wakes up until he finally drifts off , Archie knows what he wants , and he thinks he knows how to get it . We are definitely at the beginning of the terrible twos and I expect it to be much worse than it was with his brother . He has a little temper which we see when he doesn 't get his way , and whilst he is lovely around other people , he does like to play up for his Mummy sometimes . We are at the beginning of what I consider to be one of the most exciting journeys my child is going to travel - he is learning to read . I have always been an avid reader , and my mum tells me as young as 18 months I would sit in the corner looking at picture books whilst my friends played . Once the written words started making sense , I would take a torch to bed to read under the covers , and take an hour getting ready for school as I had a book permanently in my hands . My love continued through an English literature degree and even now , whilst I don 't find nearly as much time as I would like , I love to curl up with a good book . I am so excited that Dylan is already showing such enthusiasm . Whilst we have tried never to push him , we have made sure he has the resources and time should it be what interests him , and he has proven that he does want to learn . As we progressed from letters and sounds to small words , we have wondered about the next step , whether we continue as we are until the school give us a direction , or whether we continue providing the resources for him to learn at his own pace , whatever he decides that to be . I went to Waterstones to look at the different options for young readers and to choose a Christmas present , and liked that there was so much variety , especially once they start progressing . I saw the familiar books of my childhood , although with a slightly updated cover ( definitely the same pictures ) , alongside new books from new authors with colour and fun . Here are my picks for the first stage : Three boys , this is my future . My one tiny tot became the troublesome two and soon I will have a trio of terrors . I announced that we were expecting another baby when we were 13 weeks pregnant , which meant seven weeks of being told ' you must be hoping for a girl this time then ' . I would have been over the moon had the sonographer seen the telltale signs that told us to buy pink , but I was equally as excited when she told us that the boys would be welcoming a little brother in the new year . Our baby is growing well , it looks healthy and he even gave us a hi5 from the womb . In many ways we are geared up for another boy . I have boxes upon boxes of boys clothes , and with this little dude due shortly after Archie 's birthday , it should all be the right season too . Our house seems to be full of blue and my experience of nappy changing revolves completely around boy bits . Dylan had already let me know he would like another brother as ' boys are the best ' and I have to agree ( with absolutely no experience to compare to of course ) . I love having boys , I love being a mama to boys . Whilst growing up I had always pictured myself with one of each , my vision soon changed after the birth of Dylan and I saw myself surrounded by boys - a vision soon to come true . My boys are active , they are explorers , they make mess , they play outside , they grow ( at rather an astonishing rate ) , they eat with their fingers and they cuddle . Their clothes need to cope with their busy lives and as they get bigger , we are definitely working out which companies withstand a toddler and which don 't quite last the stretch . With two already ( and a third on the way ) , we have also learnt the value in investing in decent clothes that can be passed down , as ultimately it is not only cheaper than buying new each time , but much better for the environment too . When it comes to Pushchairs , Stokke are top of the range , and we have been finding out why . We were sent a Stokke Xplory V4 in Deep Blue and I have to admit I am a bit of a convert . Unfortunately Archie was not a fan of sitting in the pushchair for photos , but if you follow me on instagram then you will have seen him looking happy in it . My favourite feature is the height of the child . I still love having Archie parent facing , and when it is just the two of us , we have a little chat as we walk . Having him more in eye range makes such a difference , and the height means he can see so much more as well . With both the bloke and I being tall , it is also much easier to lift him in and out without bending as much ( although the downside to this is that he can 't climb in himself as he does with lower seats ) . My bump growth appears to have slowed right down , although it depends on the day as some days I wake up feeling particularly small , and others I look ready to pop before I have even eaten breakfast ! The picture in black was taken at 23 weeks , and the lovely one in my pyjamas was at 21 , showing quite the difference ! I think pretzel keeps changing position as I am feeling movement in different areas on different days still . I had a check up at 21 weeks with the midwife , and all is progressing well . I don 't see her until December now , but from then on they will start measuring me . I have a personalised growth chart this time , taking into account factors like my previous babies and their birth weights , and they are expecting little pretzel to be another chunky one . Anything from 8 to 10 . 5 pounds on his due date and they are not concerned - eek ! I am feeling much more movement now , although this little guy seems to be following the same pattern his big brother did - something that sends me into panic every single week ! He wriggles and kicks lots for around 4 days , and then has one or two where he pretty much doesn 't move . The kicks are getting stronger , and whilst he often seems to be in the breach position , tying to find an escape route with his feet , there are days he is kicking straight out by my belly button , and his little legs are now powerful enough to be felt from the outside , despite my placenta still being on the front wall of my uterus . Whilst at 23 weeks with both the other boys , I felt on top of the world and positively glowing , having two small children is taking its toll and I find I nap given any opportunity as I feel constantly tired . I find working at home is quite tough as I tend to get comfy on the sofa with my laptop and fall asleep whereas when I was waitressing , I was too active to even get the opportunity . I am also finding my skin is terrible , with dry , blotchy patches on my face , again something totally new and rather unwanted . Cravings come and go , but include orange juice , crusty bread and hula hoops at the moment . There hasn 't been an instance where I am desperate yet but I do eat and drink far too much of these things ! I am still sleeping well , although I might turn over a couple of times in the night . I need to sleep with a pillow between my knees and under my bump but I never need to get up in the night at the moment which I am thankful for . I love visiting London with my family , and we find it much easier to stay up there as travelling up and down with small children can be very stressful ! Our trips are usually action packed and this weekend was no different . Because of this , we need somewhere quite basic to stay , a space to lay our heads after a day exploring the city and somewhere quite central to limit the amount of time we spend carrying a buggy down the underground stairs . Check in was easy and our room was set up ready for us , a comfy double bed for myself , a small single for Dylan and a travel cot for Archie that looked pretty new . The room was basic and spotless , but had everything we needed - space to hang our clothes , a Tv ( with cbeebies ) , a kettle with teabags and a bathroom with an actual bath . Having a bath is so much easier when you have children that are terrified of a shower ! I was sent a lovely Marvellous Mummy Kit from Love Boo which has perfectly sized miniatures for travel . I took this away for our week in Rome and it was great to fit in the suitcase . The body wash smells sweet and the body smoother is a very thick cream that dries in surprisingly fast . With shea butter the smell is not overpowering but still soft and feminine . The miracle oil takes much longer to dry as is common with oils but is a lovely bedtime treat and left my skin feeling lovely and soft . October has flown by , with a weekend away in London for the littlies and I , our 20 week scan and plenty of quiet weeks as well , with Preschool playing a big part for Dylan . Archie 's language seems to be coming on massively at the moment , and he likes to make it known very loudly . The autumn weather has been mild , and there are constantly leaves stuck to wellies and pushchair wheels as we spend as much time outdoors as we can before it gets chillier . Read more ⇨ We love visiting London Zoo as there are so many of our favourite animals to see , but trips take a lot of planning ! We used the new Journl app to make our day out even easier ( and to keep a track of spending ! ) . We timed our visit inside a weekend in the big city which meant we didn 't have long journeys either side , and the boys had an amazing day out . Journl is an online personal organiser , and now an iphone app too . The website gives you the chance to organise your whole life from to do lists , to budget planning to their handy calender and the iphone app gives you all this on the go . My favourite aspect of the app was that it helped me keep track of how much I was spending - something that easily gets out of hand ! The notes section meant I could pop down handy blog ideas whenever they came into my head too - here is to hoping I actually get a bit more organised now ! I love Mothercare clothes for the boys , I still remember walking round when they were little choosing them beautiful outfits which are all still saved for Pretzel . Our local store never stocked the Little Bird range though , and it has turned out to be one of my favourites . The boys were sent some clothes and they looks so classic , timeless and most of them are very neutral . Adventure , an award winning blog documenting the adventures big and little that being a parent entails . Life with four aged five and under is never quiet , but it is always fun . Dylan , Archie , Finn and Cora are the biggest adventure I have ever undertaken and I hope you enjoy our stories
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May 2017 Monday 01 - 90 to 57 I did my stretches , yoga , and took Cassie and Barney for a one mile jog . Tuesday 02 - 94 to 69I did my stretches and took the dogs for a mile jog . Wednesday 03 - 97 to 70I did my stretches and took the dogs for a mile jog . Thursday 04 - 98 to 70 I did my stretches . I didn 't feel well this morning . I started and finished chapter 14 Friday 05 - 99 to 73I did my stretches . I am still not feeling well this morning . Dogs are pissed I haven 't taken them for a walk in two days now . I began and almost finished chapter 15 . Saturday 06 - 83 to 48 very windy . I did my stretches and exercised with the 20lb weights . I finished chapter 15 and started 16 . . . I 'm not sure but I think this is the last chapter . Then I go back and add and edit to it and it should be around 50 thousand words . Sunday 07 - 62 to 45 I did my stretches and took the dogs for a walk just before it began to rain . I worked in the yard Monday 08 - 78 to 57I did my stretches and walked the dogs . Barney slipped his collar and got away again . I called out to him , but he just ran off . He 's done this before . I walked back and put Cassie in the dog run and left the front gate opened . Barney came back an hour later and I gave him a treat just like I do with Cassie when she escapes . Tuesday 09 - 80 to 58I did my stretches , exercised with the 20lb dumbbells , and took Cassie for a jog . I didn 't take Barney , he is being disciplined because he ran off on me yesterday on our walk . Wednesday 10 - 82 to 56 I did my stretches and took the dogs for a mile jog . Seimi came by to chat for a spell . I worked on my book trying to get somewheres around 50 thousand words . . . need 15 thousand more . Thursday 11 - 89 to 56 I did my stretches and took the dogs for a mile jog . I worked more on the book . Took the dogs for an evening walk . Friday 12 - 92 to 56 I did my stretches and went to WalMart , but first I went to get my mail at my mailbox on Border and it wes replaced with a new array of post boxes and my key didn 't work for my new box . I stopped the mail person Current Mood : accomplished April 2017 Saturday 01 - 77 to 54 very nice with a bit of breeze . Tanner sign - Doug poem & guitarSunday 02 - 84 to 58I did my stretches , yoga , core trainer , took the dogs for a mile jog , and punched the heavybag . I cleaned up the yard some and did the dreaded poop patrol ; most of the poop was buried in the sand by the high winds we 've had the past week . I had to hunt them down and dig them up . Just finished doing my Federal and State Taxes . . . I am glad that 's over and done with ! I felt like stuffing all the forms and that incomprehensible 8962 into a envelope and sending it off to the IRS with a note : You made up all this complicated jargon and rules , here you go figure it out and let me know how much I owe . Monday 03 - 88 to 51 and windy againI did my stretches . Tuesday 04 - 77 to 54 I did my stretches , exercises with the 20lb dumbbells , took the dogs for a mile jog , and punched the heavybag for a spell . FedEx delivered my 20 watt solar panel I opened it up and found it was shattered . Wednesday 05 - 80 to 50 I did my stretches and took the dogs for a nice walk morning and evening walk . I emailed the business that sold me the broken solar panel . Alex said that he will replace my broken 20 watt panel with a 30 watt panel and will ship it right away . Thursday 06 - 87 to 52 I did my stretches and took the doggies for a mile and a half jog . Late in the evening I had just starting writing chapter 12 of " Upon Ashen Roads " when I got distracted by our missile strike against Syria . . . strange how I am writing fiction of that area right now . . . I 'll try and continue chapter 12 on Friday night . . . . Friday 07 - 81 to 57 overcast . I did my stretches and took the dogs for a walk . I am still distracted by the strike against Syria to write . Saturday 08 - very windy 73 to 47 degrees . I did my stretches . I went to the " Full Moon Desert Acoustic and Poetry " out in the windy desert tonight and met some really nice people and had a wonderful time . Sunday 09 - 72 to 48 still windy , but not as bad as yesterday . I think I got sick from the cold wind last nightCurrent Mood : accomplished March 2017 Wednesday 01 - 62 to 42 sunny , but cool . I did my stretches , core trainer , weight bench , punched the heavybag for a spell and jogged a mile with the dogs . I am still having pain in my right wrist and am keeping the weights lite . Thursday 02 - 68 to 45Went to my doctor 's appointment . He wants me to take another lab test . I told him about the pain in my arm and wrist and he said to stop lifting weights for a while to see if it gets better , Got some supplies at Stater Bros . Friday 03 - 74 to 48 degrees and clear . I did my stretches and went on a mile jog with the doggies . I started writing chapter 4 of my book . Saturday 04 - 71 to 45 windy . I did my stretches and took the dogs for a walk because of the high winds . I also started to feel my allergies kicking in . I finished chapter 4 of my book . Sunday 05 - 66 to 46 very windyI did my stretches and just kinda stayed inside with the dogs because of the wind plus my allergies hit me hard . Monday 06 - 58 to 37 I did my stretches and took the dogs for a mile jog . Still suffering from my allergies . I had to drive back down to the doctor 's office to pick up a kit I need to take with me to the lab . Tuesday 07 - 68 to 70 Went to the lab in Yucca to have blood work done . I then went to the Sizzler alone missing Sherry who used to go there with me for linder we called it ( lunch / dinner ) . I then went to Home Depot to gather 20 more paver for the laundry room and also purchased a Sawzall to cut wood . I started writing chapter 5 . Wednesday 08 - 75 to 53Worked laying down the rest of the pavers . I got a call from Marguerite telling me our Aunt Audrey had passed peacefully this morning at 5 : 30 AM and Marguerite and Justin were there by her side . I called family members to let them know of her passing . Thursday 09 - I did my stretches , but that 's about all because my allergies hit me hard . Wrote a little more of chapter 5 . Friday 10 - 82 to 53 and hazy . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and took the dogs for a walk . I continued to work on my book and finished chapter 5 . Saturday 11 - 84 to Current Mood : amused February 2017Wednesday 01 - 68 to 47 hazy . I did my stretches , core trainer , weight bench , punched the heavybag for a spell and jogged a mile with the dogs . I cut up a whole bunch of wood for the wood stove . I used the new 2 stroke 1000 watt generator and it cut right through the old 2X4s without any problem ; that kinda surprised me . I did the poop patrol and collected a whole bunch of . . . I took the dogs for a walk and listened to the rest of the lecture 2 on climate . I went online to find that all four books I ordered were either inside or outside at my mailbox on Lear . I jumped in the truck and drove down there right away just incase they were sitting outside . . . thankfully the mail person was able to get them all inside : two books on latin , one on microscopy , and a new and better keyboard that lights up for my Microsoft Surface RT . Thursday 02 - 65 to 47 hazy . I did my stretches , yoga . I went to the post office to pick up my Alphasmart NEO2 mobile word processor I ordered on Ebay . I started listening to lecture 3 while I walked a mile with the dogs . Friday 03 - 70 to 46 degrees and clear . Saturday 04 - 66 to 46 Sunday 05 - 63 to 41I did my stretches , core trainer , weight bench , punched the heavybag for a spell and jogged a mile with the dogs . I exercised with the 10lb dumbbells and took the dogs for a walk while I listened to lecture 4 in the climate series , but because of their rowdy misbehaving and continuous barking I shortly had to march the dogs right back and continue walking on my own . Monday 06 - 64 to 53 a very sad day for me and my family . I did my stretches , exercised with the 20lbs dumbbells and took the doggies on a mile jog . I called my Dad to see how he was doing only to find he passed away fifteen minutes earlier . I was on the phone to family and friends for all day . Tuesday 07 - 72 to 53 with a few cloud and wind . I did my stretches and mope around the house all day and called family . Wednesday 08 - 78 to 54I did my stretches , exercised with the 20lbs dumbbells and took the doggies on a mile jog . I finally got out there Link January 2017 Sunday 01 - 54 to 36 degrees with wind and rain . I went into 2017 running down the hill in front of my house and then I went to bed . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie and Barney for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I called a few friends and family to wish them a Happy New Year . I started reading " 365 Starry Nights " again . I had to really catch up towards the last part of the year on my reading because of all the distractions I had going on in and beyond my control . I really can 't say that the EMR class was a distraction because it was something I wanted to do and I did it very well . https : / / youtu . be / _ 5dYqIHVJz0Monday 02 - 49 to 39 and a bit overcast . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie and Barney for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I read a bit from my history book : a chapter on Alexander the Great and his empire . And a bit from my geology book : about igneous rocks - Intrusive and Extrusive rock types . ( the difference between them is pressure , viscosity , cooling and amount of certain elements ) I did my stretches , exercised with 10lb and 20lb dumbbells and went for my evening one mile jog with the dogs . Tuesday 03 - 48 to 39 degrees and overcast all day . I did my stretches . I drove to Staters Bros in Twentynine Palms to get some supplies and roasted chicken to share with the dogs . I went to turn on my iPad and it wouldn 't start up . It has been on charge for a few weeks . I 'll look into it tomorrow . Wednesday 04 - 54 and 35 some clouds . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie and Barney for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . On our jog we met Roger driving in his old VW Bug along the way . It was getting hard for me to control the two anxious dogs and I tried to make them both sit as I talked to Roger . Then a large white diesel truck drove up making a lot of noise and my dogs started barking as the guy tried to ask us a question or other . NoCurrent Mood : accomplished December 2016 Thursday 01 - 58 to 39 and windy . I did my stretches and took the dogs for a walk . I went to town to do some shopping . I stopped off at WalMart to get supplies , and then on to Home Depot to get 20 12x12 " cement pavers to place down on the ground where I am putting the new washer ; still not sure where it 's going yet . I also bought a parasol clothes hanger and a toolset ; I seem to be missing a few sockets . For being good doggies , me and the dogs ate the whole roasted chicken I purchased at WalMart , and then I took them for a nice little walk . Friday 02 - 53 to 37 and still really windy . I did my stretches , yoga and took my dogs for a one mile jog . Saturday 03 - 58 to 42 degrees and windy , but not as much as the last two days . I did my stretches , lifted weights , took me doggies for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Even though it was windy , I went to work patching the roof . I almost had it all done but the day grew dark . Sunday 04 - 62 to 43 degrees and no wind ! I did my stretches and me and my doggies went for a one mile jog . I went back up onto the roof and finished doing the patch job . When I got done me and the dogs went for a nice walk . Monday 05 - 65 to 43 degrees . I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells , me doggies went for a one mile jog . I got the Harley running and moved from the battery room to the garage whose roof I had patched the day before . This will give me more room to work on the bike and get it ready for spring . I began cleaning and moving stuff out of the battery room , but there was a whole lot of spiders and other crawling critters here and there so I decided to go to Home Depot to get some heavy duty bug spray . I also stopped off at WalMart since I was there and picked up some roasted chicken ( among other stuff ) to take home for me and the dogs to share . First thing I did was when I got home was spray down the battery room so I can start cleaning it out and laying down the cement pavers for the new washer . Tuesday 06 - 66 to 42 degrees . I did my stretcheLink November 2016Cassie is very dainty and eats around her egg yolk saving it for last , while Barney gobbles his right up at the beginningTuesday 01 - 72 to 48 a cool , cloudy and windy day . I did my stretches , lifted lite weights , yoga , took Cassie and Barney for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I finally fixed the clock and have it altogether ! I connected the Raspberry Pi to the ethernet and it reset the date and time to the right one . So it is definitely a WIFI problem on the new OS install . Wednesday 02 - 73 to 52 degrees it was a little windy but died down in the evening . . . a sunny day it was . I did my stretches and took the dogs for a morning and evening walk . Took my friend Chris shopping ; she and her mom Mary have no transportation . Thursday 03 - 80 to 58I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells and took the doggies for a mile run . I spent the day doing maintenance to the house ; taking down the old battered fan , installing a porch light , getting the electric piano moved to the other side of the room where the old couch I threw away took up that space . I 've been using the piano as a table and now it 's out where I can see and play it . I took the doggies for their evening walk . Friday 04 - 81 to 59 clear and sunny . I did my stretches , yoga , exercise with the 10lb dumbbells , punched the heavybag for a few rounds and then took my doggies for a mile jog . Worked cleaning up the yard . . . still lots to do there . I took my doggies for an evening mile jog . Saturday 05 - 82 to 59I did my stretches and took my two wonderful doggies for a morning and evening walk . I mostly worked inside cleaning up the clutter . Sunday 06 - 82 to 54 I did my stretches , lifted lite weights , yoga , took Cassie and Barney for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I took my doggies for an evening mile jog . Monday 07 - 81 to 55 I did my stretches , weights bench , yoga , took Cassie and Barney for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I rode my electric bike ovLink October 2016 Saturday 01 - very windy . yard Sunday 02 - windy again today but not as bad . Last week I was helping out a friend pick up a generator on the west side of Border ave . We drove up to the house and there was lots of barking from behind the fence . The lady who lives there must have had 10 to 15 Siberian Huskies and all were friendly and wanted our attention . I stuck my closed hand in between the gate rails and was licked by everyone of them . I took Kelly to WalMart , Home Depot , and I got gas at Arco . Monday 03 - kinda out of it for the next 3 days . All I remember is working in the yard on these days . What hit me was I almost called Sherry about something , maybe to go to the store or something and completely forgetting she has passed . Tuesday 04 - FedExyardWednesday 05 - YardFixed cord to saw . Thursday 06 - 83 to 58 degrees . Had a nightmare that helped me get out of my slump . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for about three minutes . I drew a woman 's face . I went to Stater Bros . I stopped off at Sizzler to tell our favorite waitress April of Sherry 's services . She was shocked that Sherry is gone and hugged me . Then on to Bank of America to cash check , WalMart , and Home Depot to get paint for floor of cargo trailer . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening one mile jog with Cassie . I read " 365 Starry Nights " trying to catch up to October . I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells , and went night jog with Cassie . I played my guitar for a spell . Friday 07 - 82 to 60 degrees and partly cloudy . I did my stretches , yoga and took Cassie for a one mile jog . I drew a house in the mountains . I painted the first coat of paint on the floor of my cargo trailer . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening one mile jog with Cassie . I read " 365 Starry Nights " I fell so far behind , but I 'm catching up . I went outside around 8pm to watch the Draconid meteor shower , but the skies were overcast and decided to calLink September 2016Thursday 01 - 108 degreesI did my stretches , yoga , and took Cassie for a one mile jog . I did try punching the heavy bag for a little bit but it hurts my right arm that I believe has tennis elbow or some such , so I 'll just discontinue boxing for the two weeks I am giving my right arm time to heal . I swept the bedroom and bathroom floors . I went over to Sherry 's house with Cassie to do a poop patrol and helpout . I did my stretches , and went for my one mile evening jog with Cassie . Friday 02 - 104 degrees ; nights are finally cooling down some at 71 degrees . I did my stretches , yoga , and took Cassie for a one mile jog . We found a bunch of nails again on the road of Borland Pass . This is the fourth time in the past two months . I picked them all up . Needing some fresh fruits I went to Stater Bros again . I found out this morning that Monday is Labor Day and wanted to beat the holiday crowds that usually show up . I did my stretches , and went for my one mile evening jog with Cassie . Saturday 03 - 106 degrees . I did my stretches , yoga , and took Cassie for a one mile jog . I got a call from Sherry 's friend Kathy telling me that Sherry was taken to the hospital after Kathy called the paramedics when she found her in respiratory distress . Sherry told Kathy to have me pick up a bag of dog food and ten 25 pound bags of cat litter . Kathy also told me there was no rush , that there was already enough to last over a week and she would be feeding the dogs . I told her I 'd pick some up on Wednesday and do the poop patrol and change the water for the dogs . I did my stretches , and went for my one mile evening jog with Cassie . Sunday 04 - 101 degrees . I did my stretches , weight bench without the weights . . . situps and leg curls , stuff like that , yoga , and took Cassie for a one mile jog . I tried to call Sherry 's cell phone and it went right to message . Kathy told me later Sherry had turned it off because she had a very hard time talking on it . I started writing a new book called " Upon Ashen Roads " ; I do this when I am stressed . ILink August 2016 Monday 01 - 112 degrees . I did my stretches , lifted the 20lb weights , took Cassie for a one mile jog . Cassie and me out for a ride this evening on my new Sondors EbikeTuesday 02 - 109 degrees . I did my stretches , weight bench , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Wednesday 03 - 112 degrees . I did my stretches and took Cassie for a walk . We went to Sherry 's so she and I could go shopping while Cassie played with her friends . We did shopping and had linder ( lunch / dinner ) at the Sizzler . Thursday 04 - 109 degrees . I did my stretches , weight bench , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Friday 05 - 104 degrees . I did my stretches and took Cassie for her morning and evening walk . Saturday 06 - 105 degrees . I did my stretches , weight bench , took Cassie for short walk , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Sunday 07 - 108 degrees . I did my stretches and yoga . Took Cassie for her walks . Tonight I sat in my camping chair under a beautiful starry night . I was looking through my Celestron 15X70 Skymaster binoculars watching as the waxing crescent Moon sank behind and beneath the San Bernardino Mountains near to the west revealing pine trees and boulders on the ridges . I then turned to see Mars in Scorpio where it outshines Antares which is sometimes mistaken for Mars ; it 's a good time to compare the two . I alway find it hard to find the constellation Hercules , but I then recall it is between Corona Borealis and Vega ; here you will find M13 the Great Globular Cluster in Hercules . In my 15X70 binoculars it appears as a tiny dust ball . In a decent telescope you will see somewhere around 300 thousand stars . M13 is 25 thousand light years away . Later , I was looking for the coathanger asterism in the constellation Vulpecula when a meteor flashed across my binocular lens and it was the only meteor I saw tonight . The coat hanger asterism lies about four fingers at arm 's length from the Constellation Aquila towaLink July 2016Friday 01 - 102 degrees . I did my stretches , weight bench , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Studied and finished Chapter 26 and its quiz and then began chapter 27 . Saturday 02 - 106 degrees . I did my stretches and took Cassie for a walk . I went to the community first Saturday breakfast . I got there around 8am and started taking folk 's vitals for my EMR class . I needed to fill out the whole sheet with vitals for twenty some people , I had seven left to do and I got them all filled out and done . I finished chapter 27 and all the quizzes . Now to work on the acronyms they use in the EMS field . Sunday 03 - 104 degrees . I did my stretches , weight bench , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I had to do a couple of rewrites for class . I started trying to remember all those darn acronyms . Monday 04 - 106 degrees . I did my stretches and took Cassie for a mile run . I did some studying of them acronyms , but I 'm about burned out on the whole EMR studying thingy that I 'll just spend a little time on them today and do something other than studying and maybe play the guitar or whatever ; besides I finished all the chapter tests . . . I just have the hands on test to complete and I believe we 'll be studying these in the rest of what 's left of the class . I took Cassie for a nice long walk . The internet went out so I ended up studying the EMR book anyways . Tuesday 05 - 105 degrees . I did my stretches and me and Cassie went for a mile jog . I went to class and we practiced bandaging and placing a patient on a backboard . I took Cassie for a nice long walk . Wednesday 06 - 101 degrees . I did my stretches and took Cassie for a walk . I arrived at class at 8 : 20am . We trained on providing oxygen to a patient via HVM and NRM . I went to Stater Bros to do some shopping but they overcharged me $ 45 . 00 for two chicken hindquarters . I didn 't notice the overcharge until I got home . I called them up and they said no problem just bring in tLink July 2016Friday 01 - 102 degrees . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Studied and finished Chapter 26 and its quiz and then began chapter 27 . Saturday 02 - 106 degrees . I did my stretches and took Cassie for a walk . I went to the community first Saturday breakfast . I got there around 8am and started taking folk 's vitals for my EMR class . I needed to fill out the whole sheet with vitals for twenty some people , I had seven left to do and I got it all done . I finished chapter 27 and all the quizzes . Now to work on the acronyms they use in the EMS field . Sunday 03 - 104 degrees . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I had to do a couple of rewrites for class . I started trying to remember all those darn acronyms . Monday 04 - 106 degrees . I did my stretches and took Cassie for a mile run . I did some studying of them acronyms , but I 'm about burned out on the whole EMR studying thingy that I 'll just spend a little time on them today and do something other than studying and maybe play the guitar or whatever ; besides I finished all the chapter tests . . . I just have the hands on test to complete and I believe we 'll be doing these in the rest of what 's left of the class . Tuesday 05 - 105 degrees . Old friends are little treasures we safely tuck away , unlike like our enemies we keep at bay . Old friends are always ready , and never lost , unlike money or old shoes , old friends are neither spent nor ever tossed . They be here for us and us for them , when the time is right they just show up , and that 's just the way it is . ~ RDJune 2016Wednesday 01 - I did my stretches and took Cassie for a walk . Help Linda with swamp cooler at her houseHad to go back and install new pump at Linda 's house . Thursday 02 - I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells and went for one mile jog with Cassie . Friday 03 - 105 degrees . I did my stretches , lifted weights , core trainer , wenLink May 2016Saturday 07 - I just got back from a month 's stay in Torrance . . . I had to take care of my Dad and Stepmother who are 93 and 92 . I finally convinced them to sell their house and go into a rest home ( a lot more to the story ) . . . So they 're in a very nice rest home being taken care of and the house should sell for a nice price so they won 't need to worry about the future . Sunday 08 - I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Monday 09 - I did my stretches and took Cassie for a walk . I worked in the yard getting most of the large pieces of wood from my old roof of some 20 years ago into the dumpster for them to pick up tomorrow ; fill the whole dang dumpster to the top . Tuesday 10 - I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I drew something : my home . My HP laptop froze on startup after doing a Microsoft Security Update . I tried several different ways to get it going , but none worked . Thankfully I am good at keeping things backed up and decided to do a clean install and wipe the whole drive . Took awhile to complete , but now I can give it away to my Dad . Wednesday 11 - I did my stretches , too hot to go for a jog with Cassie . Went to sherry 's house and we did our shopping whiles the dogs chased each other in the backyard . Thursday 12 - I did my stretches and took Cassie for a walk . I worked in the yard and around the house fixing this and that . I was going to edit a chapter of " Desolation " but found out MS Office for my Mac had expired . . . I decided not to mess around with anything else and bought a year 's subscription to MS Office 365 . I had to reinstall the whole program over again , but this version is a bit better than my old 365 I had on my Macbook Air . Friday 13 - I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Saturday 14 - I did my stretches but it was too hotCurrent Mood : amused April 2016Friday 01 - 77 to 55 degrees . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I drew a picture of me in the desert . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening one mile jog with Cassie . I continued reading chapter 10 about volcanos of the geology book . I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells , and went night jog with Cassie . shootingI played my guitar for a spellSaturday 02 - 81 to 57 nice weather . I woke up feeling ill . I believe it 's my allergies acting up again . I did do my stretches , but that 's about it . Sunday 03 - 84 to 56 I 'm still not feeling all that well , but it is my allergies and I can work through this . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Monday 04 - 87 to 61I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I drew something a face of a woman . I spent the afternoon cleaning up the yard . I got the dumpster almost filled with all the junk I collected over the years . Hopped on scooter and went to mailbox to pick up a textbook on weather I ordered . I read a little bit of the geology book . Tuesday 05 - 87 to 63 sunny . I did my stretches , yoga , and took Cassie for a one mile jog . Worked in the yard digging up a whole lot of rotted plywood that originally came from the old roof I replaced when I first move out here . I drew a house on a mountain side . Wednesday 06 - 88 to 57Me and Cassie went to Sherry 's . We went shopping while Cassie got to play with her friends in the backyard . Thursday 07 - 79 to 66 degrees , some rain here and there but mostly sprinkles . I did my stretches . Worked out in the yard Generator cord broke , cut saw power cord with saw . Friday 08 - 69 to 55 rained most of the day . I did my stretches , lifted weights , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . FedEx delivered a packageLink March 2016Tuesday 01 - 84 to 54 mostly sunny . I was doing my stretches and yoga when Sherry called to say her car still wasn 't working after a friend charged her battery last night . I asked her if I could come by and see if I can fix it . I checked her battery with my voltmeter and it registered at 12 . 24 VDC , but when I had her start the engine it dropped to 11 VDC and died . I brought my truck around and jumped start the battery and got her engine started . I wanted to see if she had a bad alternator so while the engine was still running I disconnected the battery and the engine kept running , meaning that the battery was bad and not the starter or the alternator , but I wasn 't sure that the alternator was actually charging the battery . This I did later when we put the new battery in and the alternator was charging the battery at 14 . 5 VDC . We went and picked up the new battery , had breakfast / lunch / dinner at the all you can eat Chinese Restaurant and went shopping at WalMart while Cassie played with her friends Barney , Abby and Willy in Sherry 's backyard . On the way back home I saw a large meteor streak across the sky 45 degrees overhead towards the northeast while I was headed north . It was a bright green in color leaving little puffs behind . Wednesday 02 - 86 to 56 and hazy . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I drew a yin yang symbol . I drove to the post office to pick up a package . Went to Stater Bros Market to get a few items I didn 't get yesterday at WalMart . I had lunch at Burger King . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening one mile jog with Cassie . I completed chapter 7 in the Geology book . I played my guitar for a spell doing some new stuff I made up . I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells , and went night jog with Cassie . Thursday 03 - 82 to 55 with evening winds . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutCurrent Mood : amused February 2016Monday 01 - 47 to 30 with very high winds and some scattered showers . I did my stretches and mostly cleaned up around the insides of the house because of the storm outside . Tuesday 02 - 54 to 34 I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a mile run , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Worked in the yard for a spell and fixed a few things that the wind blew down . Shoveled compost into a 50gal barrel . I did my studies ; drew a man 's face . I read some of chapter 6 in the geology book . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening walk with Cassie and did some pullups and punched the heavybag for a round . Found out my friend from my old neighborhood and high school passed away . It put a damper on the projects I had planned for tonight and wrote a poem instead . Wednesday 03 - 54 to 37I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells , and went for a mile jog with Cassie . I did some work in the yard trying to get things sorted out and decide what goes and what stays . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for an evening mile jog with Cassie . At 4pm I got a call from Linda Sibio that some folks in a truck got stuck in the wash next to her house . I took my truck and shovel and went to have a look - see and the truck was buried up to the undercarriage . Neighbor Paul Smith show up to help and we had the truck up and out of the wash within an hour or so . The people in the stuck truck had been there since 11am trying to get it freed . So again things I had planned to do didn 't get done . I will try again tomorrow . Thursday 04 - 56 to 30 degrees and mostly clear skies . I did my stretches and took Cassie for a mile jog . Worked in the yard for a spell throwing more stuff into the dumpster . Friday 05 - 62 to 37 I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . Still doing yard cleanup . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening one mile jog with Cassie . Saturday 06 - 69 to 44 lLink January 2016An end of an era . . . The Gross Polluter being towed away . Farewell my beloved truck ! Friday 01 - 50 to 30 degrees and clear . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I began reading " 365 Starry Nights " by Chet Raymo . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening one mile jog with Cassie . Saturday 02 - 52 to 32 degrees . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening one mile jog with Cassie . Sunday 03 - 61 to 42 nice day . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I got a call from " Microsoft " telling me I had a virus on my Windows computer . . . I know damn well Microsoft isn 't going to call me , besides I 've been using my MacBook as my main computer for the last year . . . so I kept the guy on the line asking him all kinds of really technical questions I knew he couldn 't answer ( I was having fun ) finally the guy gave up on me and hung up after I asked him to get me in touch with his supervisor or someone who knew what he was talking about . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening one mile jog with Cassie . Monday 04 - 56 to 36 degrees fog moving in late evening . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a one mile jog , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I read a bit of the geology book . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening one mile jog with Cassie . Tuesday 05 - 54 to 41 degrees heavy fog in morning hours lasting throughout until 3pm when moderately continuous showers came and lasted into late evening . I woke up and there wasn 't any AC power , the batteries down and not taking a charge from the solar panels . I went out to the battery room and found all the connections were corroded and I hadCurrent Mood : amused December 2015Tuesday 01 - 56 to 32 degrees I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a 1 . 21 mile jog at 18 : 36 min / mi , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening 1 . 12 mile walk at 20 : 38 min / mi with Cassie . Cleaned up the yard some . I got rid of the ashes that have accumulated from burning leaves in a barrel and tossed them into the dumpster . Too dang cold to go for a night jog . Read more of chapter 5 in geology . I put two of my ebooks up for free for 5 days : " Azure Sea of Dreams " and " A Little Desert Home " . 5 days free is all they give you . . . Wednesday 02 - 61 to 38 degrees , clear skies . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a 1 . 22 mile jog at 17 : 21 min / mi , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening 1 . 09 mile jog at 17 : 45 min / mi with Cassie and did some pullups and punched the heavybag for 3 minutes . I finished reading chapter 5 of the geology book . I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells , and took Cassie for a . 50 mile jog up the hill and back at 20 : 13 min / mi . Thursday 03 - 64 to 40 degrees . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a 1 . 20 mile jog at 17 : 39 min / mi , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening walk 1 . 07 mile jog at 21 : 50 min / mi with Cassie and did some pullups and punched the heavybag for 3 minutes . I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells , and took Cassie for . 53 mile jog up the hill and back at 19 : 06 min / mi . Friday 04 - 60 to 41 degrees low clouds all day . I did my stretches , yoga , took Cassie for a . 63 mile jog at 19 : 56 min / mi , core trainer . I went to my doctor 's for a checkup . I had to be there at 10 : 30am and I am not a morning person so I had my brother Kevin call me at 9am , but he lives in Tucson where it 's an hour later and he called me at 8am . . . oh well , it was a nice dream I was having too . Sunday 06 - 61 Current Mood : amused November 2015Sunday 01 - windy2732 words written today and total so far . Monday 02 - wind began blowing hard at 11 : 20am right when I started my morning run with Cassie . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a mile run , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . 3101 5833 words written today and total so far . Tuesday 03 - Very windy ! 3072 8905 words written today and total so far . Wednesday 04 - I did my stretches and took Cassie for her walks . I fixed the flat on the left back tire of the Cougar3035 11940 words written today and total so far . Thursday 05 - I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a mile run , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . 3250 15190 words written today and total so far . Friday 06 - I got up early , took Cassie for a walk , and went to do some shopping at WalMart . 3185 18375 words written today and total so far . Saturday 07 - I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a mile run , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . 3157 21532 words written today and total so far . Sunday 08 - I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells , and took Cassie for a mile run . 3645 25177 words written today and total so far . Monday 09 - 3061 28238 words written today and total so far . Tuesday 10 - 3374 31610 words written today and total so far . Wednesday 11 - I did my stretches and took Cassie for her walks . 3240 34850 words written today and total so far . Thursday 12 - 3070 37920 words written today and total so far . Friday 13 - windyI did my stretches , lifted 20lbs dumbbells , core trainer and took Cassie for a mile run . 3123 41043 words written today and total so far . Saturday 14 - windyI did my stretches and ran a mile with Cassie . Took a nice long walk over to see Jimmy and Clorice at Stoney 's . 3070 44113 words written today and total so far . Sunday 15 - 3305 47418 words written today and total so far . Monday 16 - 2693 50111 words written today and final total ! ! ! ! ! Done ! And now I can go on to other things as soon as my brain synapses cool down ! I waCurrent Mood : amused October 2015Thursday 01 - I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a mile run , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I went to WalMart to do some shopping for supplies and get my haircut by a pretty gal called Sara . Then I went over to Home Depot to get a liner to seal the gasket for my refrigerator and while I was there I looked at some new ones , I needed to go get measurements from the one at my home to see if the ones they had there would fit . I got home around 5pm and split the whole chicken I bought at WalMart with Cassie . I did my stretches , lifted 20lb dumbbells , and went for a night run with Cassie , did some pullups and punched the heavybag for a round . Friday 02 - I did my stretches and took Cassie for a walk . I went to Home Depot and told them I wanted the smaller 3 . 5 cubic foot one . This is even smaller than the one I have that broke down , but I never really had used its full capacity and this smaller one would conserve energy better than the older bigger one . Saturday 03 - I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a mile run , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I worked on truck trying to find the right tire size and ordered four rims and tires online . They will be shipped to me and I 'll have to find some shop to mount them . Astronomy read month of May " 365 Starry Skies " trying to catch up . Geology - answering chapter 4 questions . Sunday 04 - I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a mile run , core trainer , and punched the heavybag for three minutes . I called family and friends throughout the day . I did my stretches , lifted 10lb dumbbells and went for my evening walk with Cassie I did some pullups and punched the heavybag for a round . I spent a lot of time online trying to find a lite trailer to hook up to my truck so I can start my travels . Called a few sellers and made offers and they 'll get back to me or I to them . Monday 05 - it rained most of the day . I did my stretches , lifted weights , yoga , took Cassie for a mile ru
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Tonight , Iain , Charles , and I were counting . Nana sent Iain a book from the Met store , in which ancient artifacts are arranged so you can count them ( ie , 10 scarabs ) . We counted horses , we counted falcons , we counted jerboas . . . Then we counted 2 cats . Iain said , " 3 kitties ! " and I said , " No , two cats . One , two . " And Iain said , " Buckle shoe ! " Wow . After my weekend of indolence ( read : puking ) , the To - Do list was a little out of control . So . Today , I : Dropped off the dry cleaningReturned books to the library [ Paid a small fine ] Read a book for my upper - division courseGot the 10k service , and 3 recalls , taken care of on our ToyotaGrocery shoppedRecorded a ton of grades on BlackboardPacked 6 boxesRan a load of laundryComposed of the sheets from all bedsWhich I then re - made with clean sheetsResearched washers and dryers for our SLC houseTalked to our SLC realtor about the termite inspection out thereAnd , without my doing very much ( if anything ) , we had the house cleaned , inspected for termites , and the last moving estimate taken . What a productive day ! It was also trash day , and since Charles and I moved a bunch of things out to the curb , our garage is much more spacious now . P . S . Iain got a sticker today . He was apparently throwing a " fit " about circle time , but Ms . Donna said " You know fits and stickers are related . If you want a sticker you have to stop this . " He immediately stopped screaming , looked thoughtful , then said " I want a sticker . " " Ok , you have to be quiet for 5 minutes while I finish circle time . If you do that , you can have a sticker . " He did it . The sticker has a pig on it , and when I picked him up , Ms . Donna and I spent about 20 seconds tickling Iain and snorting . I snort well . Posted by When I picked Iain up today , I asked him " Did you get a sticker ? " " Iain ! " his teacher said , " Where 's your sticker ? " She pointed to the trash . Uh oh . I guess he had a rough day . No art , no circle time , a powerful desire to borrow some other baby 's bottle ( ! ! He hasn 't had a bottle in a year ! ) , and a general sense of grouchiness . No sticker . At some point he reformed , saying " Sorry " to Donna and asking for a sticker . But by then it was too late . He went home , though , ate a good supper ( " Mac and CHEESE ! " ) , had a pleasant bath , watched Bob the Builder , and off to bed without a peep . I dunno . So far , nearly two is a strange age . First of all , how much do I love Sara 's new iPhone app ? It makes her photos look like Polaroids . Second , do these two look like they 're waiting ? They are . Waiting for a sibling who 's due any minute . Brother ? Sister ? Nobody knows , but we 're all dying to find out . The fish want you to know that spring is on its way . Not that you could tell from the pathetic state of their pond . The plants have not yet begun to grow back . But soon . . . lovely flowers , grasses , and lily pads will appear once more . And elsewhere , spring 's awakening has begun in earnest . Check out the blueberry bush : And the redbud : And one of the peonies : Our buyer has no idea what he 's getting in that little patch . Four or five peonies ( can 't remember exactly ) , including one I dug up from the side of the house . A mystery peony ! By late spring , when he takes possession , they should be in full glory . Sniff . Above , the sweet cherry , taking its sweet time with those leaves . And below , ( ignore the sad state of the edging . I don 't really believe in edging . Also , I 'm lazy . ) , the bulbs I planted , popping up like mad . The daffodils are nearly ready to open , while the tulips are still working on big , thick leaves . If you recall last autumn , I got a little fed up with planting bulbs . Turns out that 150 bulbs ( or whatever it was ) requires a lot of hole - digging . And we have heavy , clay soil . So I lost my patience and put the last 20 into a big tub : Anytime now , those leaves will produce a blaze of tulips . Naturally , I have no memory of what went where . So it could be a blood red parrot tulip , or it could be something cool and lovely in pale yellow . No idea . In other news , last night I was sick at 3 : 30 and then today at 3 : 20 I fell down the last 3 or 4 stairs . I 'd like to know when I stepped on Superman 's cape so I can apologize . Clearly , my karma needed some balancing . Last night was poo . Total greasy grimy gopher guts coated in poo . And other bad things . Iain woke every 2 hours . 12 : 35 , 2 : 30 , 4 : 45 . Yay ! That last wakening lasted more than 30 minutes , with plenty of nice screaming . The fact that I 'd strained my shoulder coughing only added icing to the poo cake . But after every storm , the sun shines again . And sure enough , this morning he was all smiles . Getting his diaper changed , he informed me that he " loooves puzzles ! " When I spilled some milk , he exclaimed " Oh NO ! What a Mess ! " All day , he was a delight . He watched Kipper ( our new rule is : cartoons on Saturday only - that 's a fine old American tradition , so it must be ok , right ? ) , ate a good breakfast , lunch , snack and dinner ( ! ) , played trains with me , did his floor puzzle ( " I Looooove Puzzles ! " ) , and took a 2 hour nap . He gets a sticker today , for sure . These arrived yesterday , delivered by a nice young man with approximately 2000 tattoos . Boris thought he looked yummy . But I 'm impressed by the use of a woody shrub to keep tulips looking so nice ( they have a tendency to droop ) . Gotcha ! The phone rang at 8 . " Grammer ? " asked Iain . Not this time . But he loves it when she calls . And today is her birthday . So happy birthday , Grandma , from your boy . And us , too . After two parks , and with dinner cooking , we needed one more activity to fill our busybusy day . So Callie and I made cookies . She supervised , her mom was the sous chef , and I served as the host . My chocolate chip cookies contain a dash of cinnamon ( Vietnamese , if you must know ) , plus the juice and zest of a lemon . I think they taste better with those hints of spice , and I think Callie agreed . In other news , Iain had a much better day today than yesterday . He 's been in an odd mood lately . Partly , it 's his age . But maybe our impending move has also set his teeth on edge . He demands waffles , then denies them ( " Waffles ! " " no ! NO ! No Waffles ! ! " " My Waffles ! ! " ) . He demands milk , then rejects it . In the car the other day , he was saying : " No , book . No , truck . No , carseat . No , Bob . No , Kipper . " I said , " Iain , How about saying ' Yes ' instead ? " " No . " Then , yesterday , he had the World 's Worst Day at daycare . Tantrums , screaming , no food , just an utter meltdown . He preceded it by freaking out over his breakfast ( " NO ! Waffles ! " ) . He finished the day with a nice freakout over dinner . It sucked . Miss Donna told him that he couldn 't have a sticker . Only good boys get a sticker . And she told him that his report card for that day would show the tantrums , so Mommy , Daddy , and Grandma would know . Perhaps that sank into his tiny little 2 - year old psyche . Because today , he was just fine . He ate an entire waffle ( butter and syrup ) plus vanilla yogurt and wild Maine blueberries for breakfast . Then he went to school , where he threw no tantrums , ate everything at lunch , participated in art , and took a good nap . He got a sticker and a certificate for being " helpful . " In the afternoon , he joined me at the grocery , coped cheerfully with traffic on the way home , ate his noodles for dinner , took a bath and went to bed smiling . Thank God . Also , it seems that my decision to leave the academy in favor of a very fine school in Salt Lake resonates with at least one peer . She 's a talented , experienced teacher ( though not in my field - why am I so drawn to litePosted by After Jacobson Park , Callie took Iain to a smaller park , closer to home . At first he resisted . But she showed him the way ( above ) and eventually he decided that playing wasn 't so bad . As always , he loved driving the equipment and climbing through the red tunnel . But Callie has high standards . Among other things , she wants participatory play . No playing by yourself ! No moping around saying " up , Mommy ! " and avoiding the slide ! So she took things into her own tiny paws : And once she 'd pushed Iain down the slide a few times ( generating enough static electricity to give me a fun shock at the bottom - note Callie 's hair in the photo below ) , he got the idea . One day , Callie is going to make a great cruise director . Tomorrow : cookies ! Little Clare was a teensy thing at birth , but apparently she lost a bit of weight during week one . So her mom and dad ( and Grandma ) are trying to encourage plenty of eating to help her grow . Check her out above - so tiny ! But she seems to be enjoying herself , snug as a bug in a rug : And check out the proud Dad : Of course , he 's encouraging a sound college choice with that sweatshirt . I can see already that Miss Clare will have a lot of options for her loyalties - JHU , MSU , EKU , and many other 3 - letter schools . Callie , in some of her new spring duds . Capri cargo pants , a spring - themed shirt , and a jaunty little pony tail with a polka - dot ribbon . ZOMG . After Iain expressed his disdain for and boredom with the play area ( visible , with its ten million users , in the background above - it 's an amazing play ground ) , we moved to the duck area . There were fewer ducks than geese , but Iain and Callie have no particular opinion regarding aquatic fowl . At one point , Iain went over to the ladies . Callie 's Mom was all " Oh , Iain ! Have a hug . . . " because she didn 't yet realize his objective : All he wanted was the orange section ( he 'd already eaten the orange Callie brought him , but you know - it 's never enough ) . But he submitted to a hug from Callie , because she 's his girl . He 'll let her do stuff , and he 'll do stuff with her , that he wouldn 't do with ( for ) anyone else . Callie wanted to take some pictures . Check out her modern technique : No need to look in that viewfinder , right ? It 's digital , baby . And below , her subjects . Later today ( or tomorrow , depending on how today goes ) , more shots of Callie and Iain at their second park of the day . Yes , one park was not enough . And then there were cookies . We went to the park yesterday , where Callie and her Mom met us for some fun . It was , technically , their second visit to Jacobson Park that day . Between the morning and the afternoon , Callie 's Mom noticed , every single human being within 500 miles decided to head up to the park . Still , Iain and Callie had some fun . Iain was not in the most interactive mood , but he checked out the tire swings above and Callie worked hard to jolly him up a bit : After a while , we retired to the nearby " lake " to watch the ducks and geese . As you can see , Iain likes to keep his distance at all times . Lots more pics of that day to come . But for now , think about this . For a while now , Iain has been telling us that everything is " hot ! " At first , we thought maybe he 'd been reading about Paris Hilton . * But he called everything hot . His cold milk ? Hot . His head ? Hot . His tasty snack ? Hot . Started a few days ago , he has been calling everything " heavy . " As in , while struggling with the velcro on his Harrod 's of London red double - decker bus : " Heavy ! " He means that it 's challenging . I think he heard me complaining that it 's hard to carry him because " Dude , you 're sooooo heavy ! " and decided that " heavy " must mean difficult . What 's the story here ? He understands that words can describe stuff . But he doesn 't always know which word to use or how to employ the descriptive word . The more variable its meaning , the harder this becomes . So anything he needs to describe , he claims is " hot " or " heavy , " and he figures that either he 'll be right or we 'll say , " No , it 's room temperature . " or " No , it 's tight . " or whatever . Learning . Growing . All the time . And then some . * In case you 're unaware , she used to be famous for dubbing things " hot " as a compliment . Yesterday , things were bad . Iain screamed , screamed screamed . He was still miserably sick , coughing constantly , and in no mood for anything but " KIPPA DA DAAAAG ! ! " Today , day three of antibiotics , he 's much , much better . Smiling , eating noodles and fruit , playing with the fish ( He likes to throw rocks at them . I disapprove , but Charles says this is boy - normative , and I figure he would know . ) , and generally acting like himself . His report card said : " A good day , only two fits ! " Great . That 's a good day . And then Miss Donna told me an interesting story . She was writing out the report cards , and Iain asked " For my mommy ? " She told him yes , that she records what he does and tells me . I then tell Grandma . He stared at her . He watched her fill out the reports on other children . He thought deep , deep thoughts . So maybe things will get a little better , now that he knows that the grownups are in cahoots . Welcome to Clare Catharine , who arrived yesterday at a whopping 5lbs , 14 oz . Just a wee thing , and so blonde . You can all but hear the collective gasp of delight and congratulations going out to Brad and Susan . Personally , I can hardly wait to see whether she embraces her mom 's love of cows or her dad 's love of the Revolution . Or perhaps both ? We 've had a rough day . Between our work , Iain 's cold , and the general craziness of everything , it 's just been one bump after another . But at least we don 't have to look at this all day . Check it out : Portland 's City Hall ( I think . It 's downtown , in any case ) . And below , a shot of the other side , where someone thought it would be a good idea to build big , minty green bows onto a government building . The good news is that the federal courthouse is beautiful . Just really fabulously modern with a slightly Frank Lloyd Wright / Asian quality to it . We walked all ' round it before realizing what it was ( though props to Lawrence , who took these photos , for saying " looks like a federal building - there 's no easy way in ! " ) So . Today . On the hard side , Iain was very difficult and his cough just makes my ears bleed . He demanded Kipper all day and when denied he threw fit after fit . We need to cut back , I think . Also , I had to drive out to Shelbyville ( pronounced : Shb - uh - vl ) to give a little talk , despite being sick myself and having an awesome - sounding deep cough . That left Charles to handle Mr . Nutty all alone . Last , but not least , today we made an offer on a house in Salt Lake City . But there were bright bits to leaven the day . I made a lovely pan of stuffed shells ( with fresh mozzarella , spinach and carrots , plus ricotta with fresh oregano ) , Callie came by for a few hours ( her latest expressions are " Donno How ! You do it ! " ) , and the people in Salt Lake seem positively disposed toward us . It might have been a tie - good and bad . But then . . . We got a piece of extraordinary , wonderful , stupendous , incredible , long - awaited news . Some friends are very happy tonight , and about to be very sleep deprived . We 're all full up with glee , making all the little things about today fade into insignificance . Iain : chest cold . You should hear the coughing . And his voice ? Like a frog . Talking about trains . Charles : somewhat recovered from a head and chest cold , but still coughing at night . Me : Coughing , gravely voice , general achy - ness . Yay ! Only Iain 's on antibiotics so far , but give us time , y ' all . On the plus side , I 've probably memorized all the Kipper stories by now . I 'll be dreaming Kipper pretty soon . And I finally picked my bracket ( at the Very ! Last ! Moment ! - thanks , Miriam ) . The usual method worked fine : Any school with a good history department over any school I never heard ofAny school that rejected me or anyone I know for a job goes downAny school I know has had a good team in the last 20 years over any school from a state I disapprove of ( you know who you are ) , etc . Worked great ! I even got to advance Georgia Tech ( brother - in - law 's alma mater ) and then crush them with Georgetown ( Charles 's grad school ) . That was fun . Above , near City Hall , in the center of the downtown area . Below , at the tip of the Pearl district , a park surrounded by modernist condo buildings ( gorgeous modernist condo buildings , in case you wondered ) . It 's a habitat renewal project , in which an old meadow and stream were re - created with paths and sculpture so people could wander through , sit and have a cuppa ( coffee , natch , in this city ) , or just check out the view of the bridge . The natural bit is off to the left , because Lawrence , Mike and I were entranced by the undulating , rusty fence . And last but not least , this passage of blossoms from the street into a little condo development . So lovely , and entirely created by the commercial builders - not the city . Can you imagine walking home through this ? All photos courtesy of Lawrence 's spiffy little camera . Posted by Huge , inflatable crawdad , Jake ' sPhoto by LawrencePortland was great . And not just because every time I left my hotel room someone was offering me a beer . That was great - don 't get me wrong . But Portland had so much more to offer . For one thing , there was the seafood . I ate most of mine raw , but you can get just about anything you want , from Dungeness crab to King Salmon to Pacific tuna to . . . well anything . And you can play tourist or be super cool . We intended to do both , eating sushi one night at Masu and crab the next night at Jake 's . But Jake 's hung out a huge , inflatable crawdad that morning . And wouldn 't you know it , every tourist in Portland ( which that day included a posse of physicists ) flocked down there . Phooey . So we just walked back to Masu and told them that we 'd had such a fabulous time we wanted to ride again . They were cool about it . I think they welcomed us back because they knew - somehow - we 'd just come from The Strangest Shop in Portland . No , I don 't remember it 's name . It 's an import shop full of pottery , furniture , jewelry , shoes , expandable Chinese dragons , paper lotus blossums , pencils , and members of the Worker 's Party riding to the Moon on a rocket , while holding scythes . Yes , scythes . Because there 's a harvest to take in on the Moon , didn 't you know ? We liked it . And we were a little weirded - out by it . So we needed warmth , sake , and an adorable waitress with pink hair and a green flower over her ear . Naturally , Masu obliged . Did I mention the " fantasy sauce " ? Yeah . If you 're ever in Portland , Masu 's the shizzle . That 's all I 'm saying . Gotta motor , the hoos wants to watch a movie . . . We have an awesome bedtime routine . How do I know this ? Last night , we bathed Iain , put him into his jammies ( I got into jammies , too ) , plopped him on the Big Bed for some Bob the Builder , and lay down alongside to supervise . Within 25 minutes , he was asleep in his bed , waking only this morning at 8 : 21 . Me ? What about me ? When did I go to sleep ? Oh . Um . . . 10 minutes before Iain . Yes , I fell asleep on the bed , watching Bob , and remained asleep until this morning at 8 : 21 . I slept for about 13 hours . I am a toddler . And our bedtime routine works on me , too . This morning : " Tah - ms oosfl gin , Uh HUH ! " Trans : " Thomas [ the Tank Engine ] is a useful engine , uh huh . " The train obsession shows no sign of abating . Iain asked me to read the Richard Scarry dictionary Charles checked out of the library . I opened the book to " P " and began to read : " P is for Paint ! P is for Park ! " P is for Please . Iain grabbed the pages and whipped onward toward " T . " Because , you know , T is for TRAIN . Above , the shuttle bus / train at the This is the Place State Monument in Salt Lake City . Yes , I know I 'll be taking Iain there . Obsession # 2 is with Kipper the Dog . I can 't find an embed , but this video on YouTube gives you a good idea of the appeal . Basically , Kipper is British , Kipper is nice , Kipper has two best friends ( Pig , who is a . . . pig , and Tiger , who is a Scottish terrier ) , and Kipper is often funny . I like Kipper because there 's almost nothing mean - spirited about it . In other news , Charles has gone down with a cold , Iain 's nose is running , and I have some kind of sneezing disease . It 's 50 during the day , though , and my bulbs are definitely coming up . They 're about 4 inches taller than they were last weekend . The buds on my pear and redbud trees are fit to burst , the dogwood and cherry are uncurling their leaves , and I can see that I 'll be enjoying fresh herbs quite soon . The moment I 've got a tulip , I 'll be out there firing away with my camera , don 't you worry . Sooo . . . I 'm out for a beer with my panel . " My " panel . As if . Anyway , the people who put together the panel graciously invited me to join them for a beer . Plus about 6 other people I didn 't know . It was a fun crowd , with myself and the moderator as the only women . Anyhoo , we went down to Tug Boat Brewing and had a beer . At some point our host asked , for the third time , " Doesn 't anyone else hear that music ? Am I crazy ? " And I said , " No , dude , you 're just a Cylon . " Half the table : falling over laughing . The other half : crickets . I guess we just identified the geeks . I love me some trains ! Trains ! Trucks ! I AM A BOY ! And I 'm no longer alone . As of March 11 , our posse has been enlarged by the birth of Ellis Brown DeT . , brother of Isla . He arrived with 7lbs , 14 ounces of delicious toes , ears , and belly fat to snorgle , plus 20 . 5 long inches of wriggling , squirming ready - to - go energy . I can 't wait to meet him . We can talk about Thomas , and cement mixers , and fire trucks , and all the stuff boys like . Plus waffles . Oh , and The Mom is back . Back ! I stealthily canceled her flight from Chicago so she had to fly into Louisville . Why ? Because I got to spend a couple of hours with my # 1 Girl while The Dad fetched The Mom . Yay ! We visited the park and drank cocoa and generally had a good time . The Staff had no idea I 'd engineered the entire episode . They 're not too bright .
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So I was at a dinner party once . A boring , Desi auntie dinner party . I was too old to play with the kids ( I don 't really like kids , anyway - they 're sticky and annoying ) and I didn 't feel like gushing about Justin Bieber with the host 's tween daughters and their friends , so I sat with the aunties and , to combat boredom , entertained them with a little parlor trick . When I was a kid my father really emphasized not being nosy . I remember when I was 5 or 6 and we were at the grocery store , the cashier opened her drawer to put the money in , and I saw something pink . I rose up on my toes to get a better look and saw that it was a chapstick . In the car on the drive back my dad yelled at me for being nosy . So I knew much better than to ask anyone to show me the contents of her purse . You just don 't ask a woman what she carries . It 's so nosy . Or , at least , that 's what I 've been taught . I just asked to get a good look at the outside of the bag . I didn 't ask to touch it , but a couple of the aunties passed it over to me as if I somehow needed to touch it in order for my powers to take hold . All I needed was to take a good look at it . And then I spent the next five or so minutes rattling off a bunch of things I 'd guess about that person based on just the bag . I also talked about what that woman wanted the bag to say . It was interesting because I knew one or two of the aunties really well ( they were good friends of my mom 's ) and one or two of them I knew well enough , and the rest were basically strangers or distant acquaintances . And I pretty much nailed each one , which impressed them all more than it should have . I mean , it 's not like it 's hard or anything . So on Twitter that night , I was talking about my little parlor game and solicited pictures of the bags that some of you carry . I did one or two on the spot , and was , again , dead - on , which was pretty fun . And I promised I 'd do some more profiles for this blog . I 'm not sure if these actually count as a BCS post , but whatever , I 'm counting them anyway . I 'll probably end up doing an actual outfit AND a purse post for a couple days , so it 'll be a two - fer . And I figured the best way to start was with my purse . This is the purse I carry pretty much all the time . And , because it 's me , I decided I 'd show you the contents . You guys already know a ton about me - I don 't really have anything to hide in terms of what I keep in my purse . The material is great for all - purpose use : I never worry about taking it out in the rain or anything like that . It 's pretty stain - resistant , too , and whatever does get on it is easy to get off . It 's large and spacious , but I like the trapezoid shape which generally holds no matter what I cram in there . That shape retention is kind of important to me - again , I don 't like shapeless things . The handles are leather , and strong . I can stuff my fat wallet , my keys , my iPod , my phone , AND my little Toshiba laptop in there and not worry about it messing with the handles . The stitching is reinforced and they 're nice and thick , so I don 't have to worry about it . Of course , I don 't keep a lot of stuff in there all the time , but when I do , it 's fine . Anyway , also note the zipper and the flap . The zipper zips up all the way , of course , and there 's a flap that buttons up on top of it . Even if you leave the zipper open but have the flap in place , not even buttoned , necessarily , it 's very difficult for someone to stick his or her hand in there without you noticing . It was designed that way , apparently , for that very reason : to make it a little more theft - proof . The girl who owns this is kind of conservative in a lot of ways . I see pea coats and pearls . She 's always put together , even if she 's not always fancy or immediately striking . She might be a little buttoned up , but maybe not . I 'd lean that way , though . The red is bold , though , so I 'd imagine that the girl who owned this had a little bit of that in her . A little cheekiness , I guess , but she keeps it in check . The material isn 't leather but that synthetic stuff , which tells me that the girl likes things that she 's able to care for easily , things that are low - maintenance and retain their character and quality for quite a while . For one , several lip glosses . They 're sitting on my coffee table and in my backpack . I carry around 8 lipglosses with me at a time , even though I have rarely ever used one while I 'm out in public . They 're kind of like a security blanket , I guess . I just have to have them with me . Even if the color doesn 't even go that great with my outfit . Second , a long piece of twine . I always carry twine with me . You just never know when you 'll need it . Like , once , my trunk latch thing broke at the train station in the morning and wouldn 't close , no matter how much some of the other men who were commuting that morning tried to rig it . That evening I had to drive home at like 3 mph ( thank goodness I live 2 miles from the station and can take all side streets home ) otherwise the trunk would fly up and totally obstruct my view . I had it taped down with the first aid tape in the kit I always keep in my car , and that held it until I got home and my dad fixed it . Ever since then , I 've carried twine , because twine would have been great for looping through the latch and fastening it . The reason I don 't have my twine in my bag right now is because three days ago , one our neighbors ' dogs , who looks just like Marmaduke , got loose . Kelly was running loose all over the neighborhood , cutting through yards and cul de sacs , and she 's kind of an absurdly stupid dog who LOVES to dash in front of cars repeatedly ( she thinks it 's a game ? she wins if she doesn 't get run over ? ) so really , it was only a matter of time before she got struck . So Neighbor Boy , his little brother , and I were chasing her through our streets and trying to corner her , and we finally did . She 's a big dog , so I couldn 't just drag her back to her house , so I tied the twine to her collar and made a makeshift lease and we all walked back to return her to the family that lives a couple houses down from us . A notebook . Always . You never know when you 'll remember something you need to do , or if you 'll come up with a great idea , or hear a great book or music recommendation . And frankly , you look like a goober typing it out on your little iPhone . 😛 Sometimes I draw little things in it . Writing utensils . Those are pencils I stole from my midterms and finals . I always have at least one pen so I can actually use my little notebook . Obviously . An old cigar pouch with a new cigar in it . I can 't leave that lying around on the coffee table because my mom would flip out . I think my dad already suspects I smoke cigars but he has yet to call me out on it . It 's funny because when his one friend from Pakistan is over , the one who loves cigars , my dad 's like , " oh , Huma , what 's the name of that cigar place ? " And I have to give him directions to my cigar bar in Schaumburg . ( I go to Iwan Ries when I 'm in Chicago and want to smoke . Best place EVER . Oldest family run cigar shop in the country . ) My fat wallet . Cream , leather , Nine West . I can 't remember having anything other than a Nine West wallet since junior high , when I decided I should have a wallet . I just like NW . Nail Envy ( original formula ) and Avoplex ( just a bunch of oils and Vitamin E ) . I don 't know why I carry these everywhere . I think I only have them in my purse so I can be certain not to lose them in the cesspool that is my bedroom . Hand lotion / balm / emollient . It 's from the Body Shop , I think , and smells fantastic . I used to have to use it all the time because my hands get so WHITE and dry and gross , but ever since I started drinking tons of water I don 't have that problem . Oh , God . Eyeliner pencil in midnight from CoverGirl , liquid eyeliner in black from E . L . F . ( which is FANTASTIC in every way and only $ 1 ) , and mineral liquid eyeliner in black from this one shop on Etsy . And Maybelline mascara . I bought it mainly for the brush , which is good , but not as good as the Define - A - Lash brush . There is NO REASON for one girl to carry this much eyeliner . I never even use it unless I 'm wearing my contacts out , which is kind of rare . Ugh . I think eyeliner is becoming my new security blanket . Either that or I keep them here so I can be sure not to lose them . I don 't know why I carry a hair brush . I am usually sporting a blow - out , so my hair rarely tangles or snarls , even on windy days . There 's really no reason for me to carry this . Sally Beauty card . I only go to Sally for EcoStyler stuff , which is olive oil infused hair gel that I use if I want to wear my hair naturally ( that is , in tight ringlets and waves - yes , tight ringlets AND waves because my hair is weird ) . But I have a card because I have a hard time saying no , even to pushy sales ladies . ( See how much you 've learned about me already ? ) JMLS I . D . I lost the first one . Like a million times . One time Andy found it on the floor after our last final in the Fall1L term . He brought it to the bar where we all were and was like , you idiot . 😐 And then when I finally lost it and didn 't get it back , I had to pay for a new one . Idiot . A packet of sugar . Remember how Andy was saying that he found the Huma Doll sitting on top of the vending machine eating packets of sugar , and then it went limp when it saw him ? Yeah . The sugar packets thing wasn 't just some random tidbit he threw in there . I legit carry a sugar packet in my purse and have for months . Itr / Attar . It 's a perfumed oil that was used by the Prophet ( S ) so it 's sunnah to use it . Mine smells like jasmine . I have tons of different scents - lavender , lilacs , musk - but this is the one I usually carry . Mineral lipstick in Cheerful Cherry from E . L . F . It is AWESOME and only costs like $ 3 or $ 5 . It 's one of the few products from E . L . F . that I 'll use because it 's just that good . The little tube is Clinique lip gloss in some - shade - of - red . It 's a very blue red , which I love . If you submitted a picture of a purse to me , you 'll see it profiled on this blog at some point in the near future . If you submitted several , I 'll probably pick one at first , and if I feel like it I 'll keep going after I 've gone through every person that turned one in . If you want to submit a picture of your purse , send it to me at hrashid24 @ gmail . com . May 5 , 2011 by hrashid24 I 'm back to posting at the Working Wardrobe after a month - long hiatus from blogging , and I found a cute little tunic at Forever21 , and proceeded to age it up a bit . So much of their stuff is so … young . And … kind of trashy / cheap looking . But occasionally you can find things that work … or can be made to work , per Tim Gunn . This is one of the most beautiful and poignant books I 've ever read . It was given to me by Ms . Seaton , an English teacher at my high school . I had never had a single class with her , but she was apparently so taken with me based on what her colleagues said about me that she gave me this as a graduation present and said she wanted me to have it , that she thought I could learn and appreciate a lot from it . And she was right . I should add that we 'd never before spoken , aside from hello 's in the hall , when she gave me this book . I remember that fondly and with surprise : that a ( white ) woman that was basically for all intents and purposes a complete stranger would read me so well and be moved enough to give me this as a present . I have to reread it now . May 4 , 2011 by hrashid24 Yes . The girl from the phone commercials . What ? I think she 's adorable . Don 't pretend you don 't . She usually wears pink , but I think my favorite outfit of hers was her in this dress that was red and pink and white on the top with a hot pink skirt , and of course , her hot pink heels . Too much pink for a normal office look , so I scaled it down a bit . May 3 , 2011 by hrashid24 I was thinking about the best way to illustrate my friendship with one Andy [ Redacted ] . Also , I really wanted to draw an elephant . And maybe a weird - ass bird of some sort . Animals not drawn to scale . No animals were harmed in the making of this cartoon , but I did wipe my nose with a squirrel . The colorful red - billed oxpecker thrives in large , chattery flocks , but seeks larger mammals to aid in its survival . This little one will eat around 70 engorged female ticks a day , along with 700 larvae . Though it enjoys feasting on ticks , its favorite food is blood , and it is known to peck directly at its host 's wounds , keeping them fresh and open to parasites . Andy [ Redacted ] walks through Grant Park on a beautiful Chicago day . A gregarious man , he enjoys wandering around the city when it 's warm and sunny . He must take great care not to get sunburned , however , because he is so very , very pale and Scottish . He is accompanied by his LawSkoolBFF , who does not wish to walk on her own , as her legs have not yet figured out how to be as long as his . Having developed rather protective feelings for his hapless , generally inept friend , Andy [ Redacted ] allows her to follow him around . This is mostly because she is amusing , prone to unpredictable fits of anger , and often needs help opening 100 - calorie snackie - packs . The diminutive South Asian greatly enjoys being carried around . Frankly , she feels she deserves it . She has formed a symbiotic attachment to Andy [ Redacted ] mostly because he keeps creepy menfolk away from her , and is proficient in reaching things in high places . Furthermore , he is quite entertaining when inebriated , and is nice to all of her friends . May 3 , 2011 by hrashid24 I will be working the Purse Profiles in soon , but wanted to put up a post for today really quickly . Here are some of the things that really stood out to me in today 's Beyond the Rack offering . If you want an invite , reply here and FILL OUT THE PART OF THE COMMENT FORM THAT ASKS FOR YOUR EMAIL . No email ? No invite . Last time a couple of you replied asking for an invite and didn 't give me an email . I 'm not going to chase you down and ask for it . If you want an invite , follow directions . Several of you did and you got your invite . It 's not rocket science . Here are some of the things that jumped out at me . Click to purchase . You will need to be logged into your BTR account . ( Again , I can send you an invite . No biggie . ) $ 22 . 99Now , this one struck me as interesting . I 'm not sure that I would want to buy it for myself , but it really just kind of grabbed me . I 'll tell you what it is : It 's the interesting use of hardware here . I mean , really , look at those fangs ! Look at the shape and color and material of this bag … and then look at those fangs . I love the unexpectedness of it all . The bag is black , so , yeah , a conservative color . It 's got a shape reminiscent of bowler bags , frankly , with the poofed out sides . So it 's got that soft , gentle but still structured shape with the seaming there … and then it 's got FREAKING FANGS . $ 14 . 99This purse is one I 'd be more likely to buy , I think . I kind of like weird purses . I 'm into that now . And I love the color of this one , and the pebbled look , and I 'm really digging the square but slouchy shape . I think I 'd keep the strap on it most of the time , but definitely ditch it when the occasion called for it . Like if I was meeting someone for coffee or drinks to discuss something serious - not an interview or anything , but something more than ' omg let 's catch up and you can fill me in on your ex boyfriend is a psycho ' . I 'd definitely take off the strap , which would just clack around on the table or bar counter when I set it down . That annoys me . Same reason I despise metal chains on handbags . And there we have today 's Beyond The Rack Roundup . These items are up for one day , so move fast . If you need an invite , leave me your email address . If you fill out the comment form with your email address in the email field , it won 't be published publicly . Only I will be able to see it . If you put it in the comment field , it 'll show up to everyone . May 1 , 2011 by hrashid24 Welp , April is over . It 's officially May , and I 'm supposed to be officially back to blogging my daily outfits . And I will be , I promise ! Just not until Tuesday , most likely , or possibly Wednesday , when I 'll have my post up at HeaveMedia . I have a monster Sex Crimes paper due Monday . It 's about prison rape and how the Prison Rape Elimination Act of 2003 has no teeth , and it proposes a bunch of solutions to combat this epidemic that , unfortunately , forms the basis of so many jokes in popular culture . I was struggling to come up with a paper topic for this class and Andy suggested prison rape right off the top of his head ( he 's looking at the different tiers of prostitution , from , like , street - walkers all the way up to high - class escorts , and his paper sounded really interesting from his presentation ) . My Animal Law paper is due tomorrow , but I turned it in last week because I 've been done with it for a month ( YAY for planning ahead ! Otherwise I 'd have to shoot myself in the face right now ) . My prof said it was the best paper she 'd read in six years of teaching the course . It was about the disposition of pet custody issues , and basically discussed how the present method of treating pets as mere property for purposes of division of assets , like in divorce cases , was inadequate and a remnant of the past when animals were valued mostly for their functional use . I mean , really , those of you that own dogs , for example - can you honestly say that Fido is worth his fair market value and not a cent more ? That he 's no different than a dishwasher , or a pair of shoes ? That rule , established in 1897 , struck me as hideously antiquated and not at all a sensible way of deciding who got custody of a family pet in a divorce case . So I proposed carving out a new category of property called " living property , " to include companion animals ( of any species legally zoned for the parties ' respective domiciles - so … no tigers or alligators , but a pet pig or some other less traditional pet would be covered ) and even plants . Because some people are crazy and have tremendous attachment to and affection for their plants . Living property would be treated as an intermediate kind of property , somewhere between chattel , where it 's just property and nothing more , and real property , where every piece of real estate is considered unique . There would be property concerns that would factor into disposition of custody issues - who bought the dog ? Who pays its bills ? etc - and concerns that are more associated with family heirlooms - that is , which party spends the most time with the dog ? Which party has the greatest sentimental attachment to it ? This way , animals will be treated a bit better than , say , a dishwasher or a car , and will be on par with , say , that antique ring that great - grandma smuggled with her through the Holocaust or the Partition or pick - your - genocide . I put up this picture of a kid and a pit bull mainly because I hate the misconceptions about the breed . Pit bulls are not somehow inherently dangerous killing machines . More often than not , an overly aggressive and dangerous pit bull is the fault of the owner - either through very poor training , or abuse . Any dog would be dangerous and bite - y if it was constantly abused by people . Some of the pit bulls I 've trained at the shelter are aggressive , yes , but with kindness and gentle treatment - and by just being calm around them - I 've seen them all let their guard down and go back to being the sweet , smart , loyal , and very affectionate dogs that they are . They 're my absolute favorite breed ever , along with German Sheps . Plus , I have a final sometime in May . I don 't really know when . I 'll deal with that later . And also , I really hope I didn 't fail the final for my 1 - credit class that I took in late April , because I need that 1 credit , damn it . I probably didn 't though . InshaAllah . 😐 Ugh . And then , of course , graduation crap . We have to pick up our cap and gown on the 20th , and I 'm planning to bro it up with Andy that day , I think . Burgers , cigars , toasting to industry , all that . I will not be drinking cognac , I promise . Only Andy will . I don 't like to drink anything with my cigars . I know that , as a teetotaler , I have the option of espresso , but I just don 't like drinking anything with them , period . And then Sunday is graduation , and my BFF and her mom are coming down from Iron Mountain , MI , for the ceremony . And to see me and hang with my family . 🙂 So that will be LOVELY . More posts about sales and local deals . Beyond the Rack , Gilt Groupe , Rue La La , if they 're selling something business - casual - y , you 're going to hear about it . And if you want an invite , all you have to do is leave a comment with your name and email field filled out , and you will get one . If you do not leave me your email , I CANNOT HELP YOU . I 've said that 80 times and I still get comments with no emails that are like Ooh , I can haz invite ? And I 'm like , no , moron , you can 't , because you can 't follow directions and have left me no way with which to invite you BECAUSE I NEED AN EMAIL ADDRESS . 😐 And local deals will , predictably , be Chicago - based . Because that 's where I live . Shopping trip posts . I hate shopping , you guys . Nothing ever fits me . So I will occasionally do posts about my misadventures while shopping - showing you clothes that look darling , but then turn out to be ill - fitting and ill - conceived and not at all flattering . Basically , I 'll just be showing you things that most likely won 't work , and why , so that you can learn to quickly spot them and move on without wasting time in the fitting room or , worse , money at the register . I got a request to do more personal posts like these , so , what the heck . This is all for fun , anyway . I 'm certainly not srs bzns about anything on here , and have no problem sharing my shopping horror stories . GOD I HATE SHOPPING . On the scene One - Stop - Shops . As a little challenge , I 'll wind up at a random clothing store in my area and try to put together an outfit using only things in that store , for under the $ 100 . It 's harder than it sounds . And Amanda is making me do it . Kate Middleton - inspired outfits . We 've been seeing lots of pre - wedding candids of her out and about , and I 've loved most of her outfits . And she 's kind of super popular right now , and I know for a fact that a lot of you love reading about her , if my site stats are any indication , so I 'll be supplying you with plenty of many more Duchess of Cambridge - y outfits . How To Dress Like A French Woman . This is going to be my new mini - series - thing for MyShingle , but I 'll be linking to it here . Basically , I 'll show you with about a week 's worth of outfits how to dress like a French woman . Minimalism . I 'm going to put together about 20 outfits , an entire month 's worth of posts here , using the same few pieces . Maybe the same ten pieces ? Who knows . My point is to show you that you can buy some basic AND trendy / stand - out things and then just keep mixing and matching them for completely different looks . It 'll save you closet space AND money AND some stress that comes with being bombarded with too many choices . Cartoons . OMG . I have cartoons planned , you guys . About me and Andy doing stupid things , about my new obsession with baths and essential oils , about my Gma and how everyone in my family is CRAZY , and more . Book posts . Yes . I have a book journal . And I usually keep my posts about books there . But occasionally I 'll read a book that is just so awesome that I have to cross - post my GoodReads review with it here . Gah . I have too many blogs . And I haven 't even linked you to my sekrit rishta ( marriage / proposal / whatever ) blog where I just complain about my parents ' attempts to get me married and present me with suitors for my hand . Sigh . Oddly , I manage to have a life . I swear I do , guys . I have an actual social life , and I do things removed from the computer , like read and paint and build birdhouses . Okay , I only built one . But still . I 'm counting it . Other random stuff , I 'm sure . You guys know me . You know I have the attention span of a gnat . I 'll probably think of something else to post about here and run with it . It will probably be insane . You will probably scour the Interwebz trying to find my address so you can tell the nice men with the white jackets where to find me . It will be a normal Wednesday for everyone . I actually don 't mind being harassed . That 's why I find myself in scary situations so often . 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Sage is a quirky girl who always loved wild animals , funny people , adventure and indigenous music . She still does . What no one knows is that every night in her dreams , Sage transforms into a woman of power and wisdom , called Amazon Sage . Unlimited by the confines of newtonian physics , she is fierce and full of compassion , traveling where ever she is needed to help relieve suffering in the world . Only problem is , Amazon Sage © only lives while Sage is dreaming . Once Sage awakens , Amazon Sage © disappears . These blogs are written by Sage , telling what happens in this most secret life . . . Good morning , friends . Okay ! This got my attention : According to a recent Nutrition Research study , " Candy and chocolate lovers tend to weigh less , have lower body mass indices ( BMI ) and waist circumferences , and have decreased levels of risk factors for cardiovascular disease ( CVD ) and metabolic syndrome . " Okay , I 'll buy that ! With all the other bad stuff going on in the world , it 's nice to know there 's still one guilty pleasure that we don 't need to feel guilty about . Then I hear you ask , " Can this really be true ? " Amazon Sage can 't wait for me to fall asleep so she can check this one out in her dream - travels . What she finds is yummy . Just teasing . What I mean to say is ; what she finds is that for decades , women have known the emotional benefits of eating chocolate , especially during " that time of the month " to use a phrase from the stone age . Then about a dozen or so years ago , it was discovered that chocolate actually stimulates the same part of the brain as marijuana . Hmmm , a quick high without the legal ramifications . " But wait , " you say , " What about that old drawback called weight gain ? " This is the good news ; This new research tells us that eating candy and chocolate is less likely to pack on the pounds than say , a big Mac ( and I don 't mean the computer ) . Perhaps it 's because we watch how much candy we eat a lot closer than how many fast foods we ingest . Whatever the reason , I think that calls for a celebration ! I 've got a box of chocolates ; care to join me ? Who cares that it 's not Valentine 's Day . . . . Yikes , now I 'm hearing giggling and someone whispering " You mean I can eat the whole box ? " and stuff like that . So . . . because I 'm your friend , I will suggest that you keep in mind the old adage " Moderation is . . . " Oh , what the heck ! Go for it all my pretty ones and handsome devils . Let 's all join in saying " Three cheers for chocolate ! " Hello my friends . Ordinarily I do not write about people 's failings and today is no exception , so when I mention a few people 's names , I ask that you please see this posting as one of curiosity rather than of judgement . With that disclaimer , I begin with this question : " What do Britney Spears , Lindsey Lohan and Charlie Sheen have in common ? " ( Hint : It 's not what you may think ) . One 's mind could wander the gamut on this one ; drugs , sex , music , entertainment . . . But how about education ? I propose that the primary function of all the negative exposure these folks have garnered , based upon their varied legal and illegal exploits , is to teach obedient kids what not to so and to teach rebellious kids how to do it . For sure , if these stars were not so famous , their stories would hardly merit a mention on the last page of the local rag , but because they are famous , they become unwitting role models . That 's right , role models ; for children and young people whose own parents " never have time " to sit down and talk with them . You know the kind of conversations I 'm talking about , sex , drugs , and all those things that make most parents squeamish . What a sad state of affairs ( no pun intended ) , when young people must turn to the internet , magazines , and television for their information on how to act in relationships . You might ask , " But has it really changed from a few decades ago ? " Amazon Sage takes us back to the era of " Leave it to Beaver " to find out . Back in the living rooms of the June and Ward Cleavers of the world , parents were often even more uncomfortable describing these tough subjects to their kids . It was fortunate for everybody that there was so much less destructive information readily available . Most kids made it through their ignorance phases with their lives and careers fairly intact because when parents did talk sexuality to their adolescents , it wasn 't much help . They described these talks as learning about " the birds and the bees . " How cute . That 's because parents who were tPosted by Just curious . . . what do you think this title means ? " Friends who turn on friends 's friends ; " specifically in reference to the words " turn on . " I suspect your meaning has a lot to do with your personal experience . During the night , Amazon Sage dream - travelled back in time , to the study of a young author who had some very interesting things to say on the subject . Sitting across the desk from Anais Nin , our courageous explorer felt both honored and a bit of trepidation . After all , this woman 's writings can be pretty steamy . Think Henry Miller , June Mansfield , and The Tropic of Cancer . In letters between the three , Anais Nin was once described thus : " Anais initiated [ conversations about sex ] by questioning June about her lesbian experiences , but June also coaxed things along , taking perverse pleasure in provoking Anais to constantly escalating displays of passion , which she promptly told in great ( and sometimes exaggerated ) detail to Henry . " I 'd say this is clearly one meaning of " friends turning on friends . " Because of our human tendency to create meanings that fit in with the way we see the world ( aka , our poustou or our self - world construct ) , some of you will indeed interpret those words to be about friends who sexually arouse your other friends . " However , others will think it refers to a friend 's rejection of their friends ' other friends ; perhaps even betrayal . Certainly , depending upon the circumstances in which the behavior occurs , either can be seen as a betrayal . . . or not . Imagine if we chose to apply humor or even compassion to our friend 's tendency to turn on our other friends . How might that change the eventual outcome of our friendships ? In an upcoming blog , I will speak to some of these intriguing possibilities , but first , I must ask you to think about three pertinent questions : First , what does it mean to you to be a friend ? Second , when do you draw the line for a friend 's bad behavior ? And the last one is key : Can a friendship ever get beyond one friend 's betrayal of tPosted by Four year old Emily , a citizen of the United States , was excited at the prospect of spending time with her Grandfather in her family 's homeland . While planning the trip , her blue eyes would shine brightly any time she was asked about the trip . Her blond hair gave her the appearance of an angel , leading people to tease her about her beauty . Because she had never travelled so far before , she felt a bit nervous about the long flight , but she also felt secure in the knowledge that her Granddaddy would be with her and he was the kindest man she 'd ever known . It held the promise of a fun adventure for a shy little girl ; one to remember for the rest of her life . Following her visit , it was her parents ' plan for little Emily to travel back to New York with her Grandfather by her side . The only problem was , the plane was diverted from its original destination . So instead of New York , the plane landed in Washington DC . Worse , once there , the Grandfather was detained by INS ; not because he had done anything wrong , but because the Grandfather 's visa had expired . This meant that the little girl was held separately for many hours while the decision was made to send Grandpa back to his home country . So much for a dream vacation that she would always remember . Instead , little Emily 's memory became one of being detained at the wrong airport , then separated from the only person she knew and trusted . But it gets worse . Emily was then placed back on a plane and sent with her Grandfather , not to her home in New York but to another land . For all intents and purposes , little Emily was deported from her own country ! And while her parents were called , the only choices given to them were these : " We will place her in foster care custody or we will send her back to her Grandfather 's home in another country . . . Which is it ? " The option not given to them was to drive down to Washington and pick her up . They 'd heard horror stories of what happens to children in foster care . So in the face of such big government , her parents felt helpless to do anything but allow them to have their way . I don 't know about you , but if I had a little girl who was supposed to be accompanied home by her Grandpa , from a long and potentially scary journey , only to discover that the older man was taken into custody for an expired Visa , I 'd be pretty anxious . Then , if I found out that my little girl was then not allowed to continue her flight to her own home , I 'd be livid . Yet , this actually happened . A frightened little girl named Emily , was treated as if she were some kind of illegal alien who could not be allowed back into her own country . I guess the powers that be decided that we must be protected frAmazon Sage © Good morning , friends . Last night , I laughed when I read a quote written for the cartoon character Homer Simpson . It said " And Lord , we are especially thankful for nuclear power , the cleanest , safest energy source there is . Except for solar , which is just a pipe dream . " It made me laugh in spite of myself since it so accurately reflects the thinking of a fairly large group of Americans . Those who apparently believe that anything they do not understand , is simply a myth . This , even as headlines scream how serious the nuclear emergency in Japan , has become . As a person who chooses to see hope in the darkest of situations , I must admit , I do feel challenged . That is , until I read some releases from various governmental agencies . For the most part , government sources , particularly the military , still insist that the situation is not nearly so dire as it is made out to be ; " It is just the press exploiting people 's fears . " Hoping to get at the truth , for the next few hours , I went , back and forth , reading this news story then that ; wondering if the truth really is out there . It 's enough to make a person dizzy ! Slowly , I sank into the bed and as I rested my head on a non - dizzy producing pillow , I drifted into restless sleep . That is where the world of Amazon Sage and her dream travels often begin . As we time travelled , I heard Amazon Sage say something like " a picture is worth a thousand words , " and on this night 's sojourn , I saw images I 'll never forget . Amazon Sage took me to the dead zone surrounding the old Chernobyl Nuclear Plant , in Russia . Talk about creepy ; there was this huge complex , a place that once bustled with life ; now with no life to be seen . Buildings that undoubtably cost millions of rubles lay in ruins and the very air felt poisoned . I know , I know , it 's been long enough that the air is probably no longer poisoned , but then again , do you really want to take a chance and move back there ? Obviously , the Russians do not . Here and there , of course , there was an odd scientist , with meters , geiger counters , papers and pens , scouring the metaphorical scorched earth . As I pondered this scene , my mind wandered back to a friend who once told me he had gone to Chernobyl two weeks after the melt down . He said he was trying to make a political point . ( Really ? ) I began to wonder whatever happened to his body since his mind was obviously already off its rocker . Funny , that I never saw him again , after that one chance meeting . That 's when I was whisked away again . Before I knew it , I was standing at Three Mile Island , here in the good ole ' U . S . of A . Brrr . . . that place ( Three Mile ) , still gives me the shivers and I 'm not usually cold . That 's because it was there that another old friend was dosed when she too visited " not too long after their accident . " Unfortunately , I know what happened to her . Within a few years , one of the best and brightest was lost to the world from an aggressive form of leukemia . Finally , back in my room , in my bed , I mused over the images of not only what was , but what could be . I thought about yet another friend , this one in Japan , and how his life is forever changed . Yet , he does not panic . He does not complain . He works on , lending a hand to his friends and neighbors the way he was taught from birth to do . Ah , hope has returned , because I know that we , as human beings , are mostly like that Japanese friend . For the most part , we humans are faithful , smart , and brave . Yes , we knowingly makes choices that place our lives at risk . Yes , we are willing to offer it for the sake of our families ; our fellow humans . Hope . Sometimes it 's all we have . And when we do , it 's not so important whether this or that is the ultimate truth . Hope is enough . That 's because we know in our hearts that somehow we 'll survive if we allow ourselves to heed the example of the Japanese ; work together , as if our life depends on it . Good morning , friends . Last night , Amazon Sage dream travelled to the moon and back to discover why , for many people , last weekend meant ordinary evening routines were eclipsed by moon madness . Newscasters acted excited , even calling for photos , as they announced that the moon would rise visibly larger than it looked for the past 18 years . In response , normal folks flocked to nearby fields and beaches , camera ready . I went out into my back yard . I suppose all the hullabaloo was because the moon 's position in the sky was closer to the earth than it had in all those years . If you think about it , the moon has always been a source of mystery for the romantic and of fantasy and lore for the story tellers among us . Phrases , poems , and songs abound with moon - scapades . For instance , in the 17th century , the phrase " to find an elephant in the moon " meant that something one thought was there , was not . It began when an astronomer insisted that he saw an elephant in the moon , but I 'll tell you a secret : It was shortly after a brief visit from our own Amazon Sage , that the " elephant " was discovered to actually be a mouse that had climbed into his telescope ! Then there 's the phrase " minions of the moon . " It refers to night - time thieves who are particularly partial to Interstate highway rest stops and XMart parking lots . [ Okay , I made the last bit up ! ] But here 's something everybody should recognize . Did you know that mooning about , refers to that feeling we humans experience when we first fall in love ? It 's that time in which we lose all perspective and do stupid things . Hmmm , perhaps mooning about is what accounts for so many politicians being caught with their moons exposed . ( Sorry ) Of course , in sports , business , and even in people 's personal lives , shooting for the moon has always meant to try your best to achieve your goals . Sometimes , I think that 's my favorite . Needless to say , for years , psychologists and law enforcement personnel have wondered why things happen during a full moon ; why there are sAmazon Sage © " My dear friends and relatives all over the world . . . Many many thanks for your deep concerns on the whole incident . I send out lots of love from here to all of you . . . . However , I am very sorry ; personally getting sick and tired of some of the Western press who are trying to panic people . The news media broadcasts about our people , that ' there were those who were in panic like small children . . . ' is not true . I have never seen any - not a single - Japanese in panic so far . Around me , there is no Japanese who wants to save only himself or herself by leaving the rest of us behind . My kids went to work . I am just back from work . Someone has to go and work to turn the economy here ; someone has to earn bread for the rest of the society to support each other ; otherwise the entire country will get stuck . To send more power to the damaged areas , we turned off the lights and the heating system . No problem . Just wear more sweaters . . . We don 't worry about it . . . . Go to : http : / / data . d - vecs . com / prive / fixingroad . jpg and if you think you want to do something for us , please pray for Japan . " " I too , have a very close Japanese friend over there , who could easily have come over here , to the US and stayed with our family . Instead , he stays there and sleeps in his car so that he is better able to assist his friends and neighbors . An American military man whom I know quite well , is also there , as a relief worker . Unfortunately , he does not have the proper medicine to protect himself from thyroid damage because so many people in the USA have panicked and bought up all the supplies . So he is doing what many Japanese people are doing to protect themselves ; he is eating kelp . " [ Really Americans ? We are so selfish that we buy up all the supplies , that are much more needed there , because WE are scared ? ] I will end this post with a suggestion to all citizens of our own great country , the USA : Please stop buying and hoarding all the anti nuclear medical supplies . You are keeping them from the people who need them the most ; our military people in Japan ; all the relief workers ; and the Japanese people . They need them right now ! We don 't . Have a blessed day , my friends . Good morning , friends . I started with a quote by His Holiness , Dalai Lama , because sometimes even invoking his name brings a sense of peace to me . But what I really want to talk about is where Amazon Sage took me last night in my dreams . After all the sadness of the past few weeks , my doppleganger ( you know , the me that I only let out at night ) , dream - travelled to a place not in this reality . It was almost as though she got pulled into some bizarre cosmic - comic void . All I know is that I awoke to some strange images floating around in my head . Like the Helicopter - Boat - Car . Clearly , this was not a typical amphibious vehicle . Yet , how handy it might be right now , since it seemed to be made specifically for places that have been devastated by multiple disasters ; tsunami , floods , cave - ins , tornadoes , and quakes . The top level of this one - person device is a small helicopter , much like a recent invention I saw on TV . However , connected directly underneath is an amphibious boat - like contraption with wheels . Granted , the one I visualized is not the most elegant looking craft ever conceived , but it did the job , transporting search and rescue workers to obscure terrain that normal craft are unable to traverse . Of course , in last night 's dream they were all cartoon - ized ! Another bizarre invention in that nether world was a humongous greeting card with a three - dimensional image of a bumble bee on the front . It was a full three by five feet large . Not thinking twice , I eagerly opened the card and was met with the very real buzz sounds of millions of bees . . . as if somebody has been keeping all of our country 's missing bees inside this comic card for months ! Of course , I closed it immediately for fear of being mistaken for their destroyer . Now , if I can only figure out how to get them back home . In my dream , I began to wonder if some essential wiring in my brain had begun to short circuit , as if all the suffering and sorrow of the world may be a bit much for one super hero named Amazon Sage . It 's true , that each night , before I go to sleep , I actually invite all of these events to make themselves known to me so that I might find some way of helping to relieve their suffering . That 's when it hit me . The Dalai Lama 's quote was manifesting in my subconscious . As I dreamed , it was reminding me : " Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck . " And you know what ? I do feel lucky . I feel lucky that I 'm alive and that I haven 't died from cancer or had a limb removed due to diabetes . I feel lucky that I have a home and can walk outside and breathe the fresh air . I feel lucky that I have food to eat and people in my life who give me grief along with a whole lot of love . I wonder aloud : " What if , for just a moment , everyone who is suffering right now could feel so blessed for having their life on this very day ? " Old versions of what 's lucky immediately flood my awareness : Lucky dog ; Happy , go lucky ; the Joy Luck Club . I smile and a tear forms for all those who struggle valiantly to stay on the planet one more day . I send my love and all the luck I can muster . And for you , my dear readers , may the Luck of the Irish be with you on this fine day in March ! Good morning , my friends . Last night , Amazon Sage dream travelled to many places in the world where she heard people crying out for their lost loved ones ; mothers , fathers , sisters , brothers , uncles , aunts , and spouses . In low laments some pleaded for Creator 's answer with words like " Why ? " and " How ? " begging to understand reasons for death and suffering in their darkest times . Others felt anguish , sometimes screaming their sorrow ; anger beyond words , since their loved ones had gone . Some simply sat , shell - shocked and silent , unable to respond to the sweetest of suggestions . All over the world , people are crying and I can 't help but wonder what can be done to ease our suffering . In that moment of wondering an answer unfolded ; not " the " answer for sure but one that might help . Here 's what I heard : " Go to your loved ones , whether living or dead , and sit with them quietly . Do not talk or advise . Simply listen to what they tell you , not preconceived notions of what they must feel . You know them best so your body 's a conduit . Be a witness to their pain and silently encourage them , from their heart to yours . If you can , write down what they tell you on a paper or in your mind . Do not shrink from their telling even if it means you feel less guilty . Because there is a secret to dying that not many know . . . . When they 've passed on before us , they no longer feel sorrow , or pain , or resentment , or the tortures we know . When one goes on before us , there is peace , only peace . Unless , that dear person took his own life . Please , tell me it isn 't so . Because in that case , the sufferer needs our forgiveness to help them ease their great sadness so they finally know the love they thought had gone missing . . . Because every soul is important , whether famous or not . No one is unknown to Creator . And when one person falls , we all fall a little and must pick ourselves up , as we would pick up a child . " Back to sleep , Amazon Sage returned to my body and I awakened soon after , feeling light lifting sorrow , a freedom from pain . From the pain of those before me and the suffering of those around us , I know all are still here and waiting to be heard . So to all my relations , both living and dead , I send you deep blessings and thank you for your healing , knowing you surround us with wisdom and honor . And we 'll continue living , life 's most sacred work , together . Domo Arigato and Aho . So be it , Amen . Posted by Good morning , friends . Sometimes , when I look at what is happening on the other side of the world , I think back to when I was a kid . I loved to climb trees and once in a while I 'd find myself out on a very high limb . Yes , it felt a little scary , but I could see so much more from that perspective ; above the trees and our neighbors ' houses . I could even feel a slight breeze in the scorching Florida heat . But mostly , I had a sense of being so much more than my little body conveyed to the world . At age six , I must admit , I was not a very imposing figure . In some ways , people who go through the extremes of tragedy , particularly when they occur one after another , gain a perspective ordinarily reserved for the eagles among us . From a position of being surrounded by absolute nothingness , if only for a split second , life becomes crystal clear . It is during those times of absolute clarity that we must create meaning . . . a meaning that encompasses all of the events that will sustain us during our darker days . If we do not create meaning that we can live with , the tragedy may well consume us in the fires of despair . Hint : Simply repeating the tired old admonishments about the end of days is not it . . . . So what do I mean when I say ' create meaning ' ? In a book called " Man 's Search for Meaning , " another person was metaphorically out on a limb when he penned some of the best advice I 've ever read . In the 1940s , as a successful doctor , Viktor E . Frankl made a choice to stay in Europe , hoping to provide some degree of protection to his elderly parents . For unknown reasons they , along with all of his other Jewish friends and colleagues , were being rounded up and imprisoned . When Amazon Sage heard about this , she immediately wanted to dream travel back in time , not to the camps - - at least , not yet - - but to a later time in Dr . Frankl 's life , when he spoke to a large group of psychologists in San Francisco . What he said on that day , was certain to stay in the hearts and minds of all who were present , forever . ListeningPosted by Good morning , friends . A reprint from ' The Little Rock Gazette , ' repeats the first printed version of an already old ( 1882 ) phrase , ' hell and high water ' : " Since dat time de best ob my friends hab become enemies , an ' strangers hab become friends . De debil had brook loose in many parts ob de country , an ' keepin ' up wid de ole sayin ' , we 've had unrevised hell and high water - an ' a mighty heap ob high - water I tell yer . " I was not asleep very long before Amazon Sage dream travelled into the heart of Japan 's broken streets and shattered landscape looking for an old family friend we call Kazu . There she quickly discovered what true suffering looks like . If having an earthquake , a tsunami , more than one nuclear meltdown , and an active volcano spewing ash into the air , doesn 't make the people of Japan feel as though they are caught between hell and high water , nothing else will . One Japanese woman even remarked : " I have lost everything but I have my life . . . and I am not sure that 's a good thing . " Yet , the people of Japan are strong . In their measured responses to these horrific personal and national tragedies , we see models for how we might all behave when faced with multiple crises . We witness good people taking one step after another , waiting in food lines , without resorting to panic , malice , or wanton destruction . It 's as though the Japanese people have decided , come hell or high water , they will continue to act with the dignity that is forever woven into the fabric of their rich culture . For the doomsayers , it is important to remember that the compilation of Japan 's catastrophes is very likely a chain reaction from the original tectonic event . After all , if it was strong enough to literally move our earth a bit on its axis , there 's no reason to believe it could not also enliven a volcano and destabilize nuclear power plants . Yet , being human , many of us cannot help but wonder if this is not some cosmic joke or karmic pay - back for our human foolishness with our precious planet . If we assume for a mAmazon Sage © Early today , Japan suffered the largest earthquake in modern history ; A magnitude 8 . 9 . This size earthquake is exponentially larger than anything these people have ever experienced and the devastation is nothing less than tragic . Already , nuclear plants have been shuttered and the stock market is reeling . None of this shines light on the human suffering that is all around . Amazon Sage dream - travelled to Hawaii where a tsunami is hitting the shores , on its way to the west coast of the US . There , people sit on hill tops and in shelters , waiting for Mother Nature to rest again . A little girl draws what she sees . Mother Nature is furious to be heard , so she is shaking things up to get our attention . At first , she thought Hurricane Katrina might get our attention as our access to crude oil was interrupted . But instead , we focused on levees and the blame game . Then Florida 's gulf coast was drenched in oil and she wondered , have you had enough ? I guess not since we 're still hanging onto our gas guzzling SUVs and monster trucks ! This week , gas prices went through the roof . Now Japan , the third largest economy in the world , with it huge oil and nuclear plants , faces unheard of disruption , particularly in the devastated north and Mother Nature asks " Can you hear me now ? " Dear people , it 's time to wake up and get serious about lowering our selfish dependence on oil while there 's still time . While the little girl sitting on the top of the hill in Hawaii waits to see if she still has a home , she gives Amazon Sage a drawing . She wants to do her part to share the news of what we face if we don 't change . She hopes we all know that she and all children depend on us to speak out and make the changes necessary to save our increasingly fragile planet . Wake up , my friends , the earth is quaking . . . Posted by Good morning , friends . Last night , Amazon Sage dream travelled to the home of a broken family , where a stunned older brother and a distraught uncle tried to make sense of what happened . * Neither can understand how the 12 year old Colorado boy they loved , could do something so heinous as killing both his parents and shooting his 5 and 9 year old siblings . But until and unless this boy talks , there is little anyone knows for sure about why he did it . What it brings up for me are some of the hidden reasons these crimes often occur . Like a volatile explosion , this type of killing ignites in fiery swiftness , destroying all life as the killer has known it . Indeed , that 's why he does it . You can be sure that a person who commits this type of act has been going through his or her own private hell for longer than anyone knows . Yet , to the casual observer , they may " seem just fine " even minutes before the shooting ( Notice , I said shooting since a person who uses another form of weapon may have a different lead up to the killings ) . Obviously , people who kill those closest to them are not " fine " so it 's almost as if , in this final act of desperation , they are saying , " I 'll show you how fine things are for me in my life . " The night after I first heard about these killings , Amazon Sage dream - travelled to the jail cells of young people who have committed similar types of shootings . She wanted to gather data ; to find out why . She discovered that there are three factors that are often present in the life of a young multiple murderer that could provide clues that something is terribly wrong . The only thing is , you have to talk with the person to know . First , they feel as if they have no " voice , " in other words , they believe that their feelings and thoughts , sometimes , even their very existence is unimportant to others . Second , there is often some type of abuse that has or is occurring and that the victim believes will never be adequately dealt with ; and third , an emotional catalyst occurs that starts the chain reaction of events leading to the person striking out in lethal ways . Ironically , a person most likely to commit such an egregious act is not the kid in a third world country who is struggling to stay alive or the gang banger with the big mouth . That person knows they are needed by someone , even if only for their own survival . No , the kind of killer I 'm talking about is most likely middle class , white , not starving , has shelter and food . . . and for those reasons , nobody thinks they have anything to complain about . Yet , this kidPosted by Greetings . CNN international reports : " For more than a decade , television journalist Xuan Kejiong has covered almost every major disaster in China 's largest metropolis , from fires and typhoons to robberies and murders . " You might wonder , " So what ? " It 's because he does this in a country known for fierce intolerance of any " less than favorable " depictions of government and because he has become " arguably the most famous journalist in the city of 20 million residents . " If you do the math , that means he began reporting when he was barely past his teens ! After I read this , I knew Amazon Sage would be eager to dream - travel to China , to see what made this intrepid reporter so courageous , so I settled into sleep with expectations of a great ride . What a dream ride I got ! Amazon Sage landed smack in the middle of Tiananmen Square , China , in 1989 ! For the uninitiated , Tiananmen Square was the scene of a horrible massacre of thousands of students * , by the People 's Republic of China ( PRC ) . Although these students practiced non violence and had initially gathered to mourn the death of a former Party official known for tolerating dissent , those who would not leave when ordered to do so by the military , were brutally killed . Taking it all in , was an impressionable , 12 year - old boy named Xuan Kejiong . In those traumatic days following the massacre , he learned two critical lessons : First , speaking out can be fatal . Second , speaking out is critical . . . if you want to make the kinds of changes needed for a country to move forward . What he did with this knowledge is something we can all learn from . Whereas , in our democratic country , free speech is valued so much that the Supreme Court recently ruled in favor of a small group of idiots who display unbelievably offensive signs at the funerals of soldiers and where young people are allowed to make " movies " in which all of the angst and anger of a generation is out there for all to see . . . . In China , those same funeral busting idiots would be imprisoned ( or worse ) and the efforts of most young movie makers would never see the light of day . What that means for Xuan , is that from a young age , he had to figure out how to get information to the people and avoid the wrath of his non - democratic government . This he did brilliantly ; by learning the art of subtlety and diplomacy . . . something that is in short supply in our country these days . You might say , " And your point ? " My point is this , young people have vital things to share with our leaders and the world ; things that can actually help save the planet ! But when these messages arPosted by Good morning , friends . My neighbor Erik , died the night before last but he will not be having a funeral . There will probably not even be a memorial service . Almost no one even came around to see him in his last days . Yet he was one of the nicest guys I ever met . When my family moved next door to him last year , it was he who made me feel most welcome . I was worried about whether my two little dogs would bother him since they liked to " talk " loudly , when anybody came to the door . In a most kind way , Erik reassured me that they were no problem ; that he too had a dog until she passed away about a year before . Erik was not an an old man and many would wonder why it was his time to go . The Erik I knew wanted to live . From the time I met him , he continued to undergo painful , seemingly endless procedures ; surgeries , chemotherapy , and radiation to try to rid his body of the terrible cancer that invaded it . He had to give up his car but he still tried to take walks until his exhaustion was so great that he once remarked with embarrassment , " I 'm in bed about 22 hours of every day . . . " Others tried to get him to live somewhere where he would be better cared for , anywhere but the three story home he loved so much . But he refused to be treated like an invalid . Yes , Erik wanted to live . . . Unfortunately , he wanted to smoke more . You see , Erik was one of those people who was sure it wouldn 't happen to him : lung cancer , that is . You know the type : " I started as a kid , and I 've never been sick a day in my life " and " smoking is one of my few pleasures " or worse yet , " I was born to smoke . " I sometimes wonder why people who are heading down a direct path to self destruction cannot see that the only reason anybody says anything to them about it , is because they actually care . Unfortunately , I did not know Erik long enough to make a difference in his smoking and I can only pray that I made some small difference in his life , through the occasional chats and good wishes that we shared . I will certainly miss him . The night he died , even though he 'd been in the hospital for a few days , I held out hope he would soon be back home . But I already knew something was terribly wrong when Amazon Sage stayed with me , in my dreams ; guiding me from one painful experience to another . It was as if I was in the body of a person who was dying . I saw pure water turn into black liquid draining from faucets and running down the street ; as if the life force itself , was draining out . In the same dream my deceased father , who always comes around when I am dealing with something painful , set an exquisite table of food and drink , as if to helpPosted by Aretha Franklin has it right when she sings : " What you want . . . Baby , I got it . . . What you need . . . you know I got it . . . all I 'm asking for . . . is a little respect . " If you 're not familiar with this tune , check it out ( URL below ) . Then think about the last time somebody treated you without respect . It probably didn 't feel so good . You may have had any number of reactions ; some get fightin ' mad when they 're diss 'd ; others withdraw ; still others become disrectful in return . . . tit for tat . One thing you probably do not feel when somebody shows you disrespect is warm and cozy . . . or like joining their side . We know this happens on a small ( micro ) level , but did you know that it also happens on a macro level as well ? For instance , when a country treats the leaders of another country ( or their own citizens ) without respect , still being people , these individuals will have a negative reaction . . . just on a larger scale . Take Egypt , for example or here . . . where women , the young , and the poor are being treated by some politicians as if they don 't matter . In Japan , there 's a name for the feeling of being disrespected . It 's called " losing face . " That 's because when somebody acts as though you don 't count , they make you metaphorically " faceless " in their eyes . Contributing to others ' loss of face was an increasingly noticeable problem during the latter part of the last century , especially in our dealings with Mid - Eastern countries , and may have had more to do with our country 's inability to get cooperation from foreign governments and their citizens than anybody realized . Therefore , Amazon Sage dream - travelled back to some of those war - torn areas to see what happened . Amidst the anger and threats of violence voiced by those who felt disrespected , Amazon Sage was amazed to find one young military man who knew about the power of respect and carried it with him , no matter where he went or with whom he interacted . He knew that if he treated others with respect , even when he had to carry out noxious orders , then all of those involved knew that they were dealing with an honorable person . Believe it or not , that helped save his life many times over . This concept is not dissimilar to what so many Native Americans have been teaching since long before colonists invaded their sovereign lands . They 've always taught that even if you must kill a deer to have food , you do it with respect for the animal , not as if the deer 's life doesn 't matter . Rather , as if in giving life , the hunter is enriched by the deer 's body and blood . Hmmm . Sound familiar ? It makes me wonder if that 's not what the Christian Easter message has been trying to get across ; that when something - - or someone - - is willing to die for us , then we owe them a debt of gratitude . Think about it for awhile and see what you think . While you 're at it , listen to Aretha . : - ) Good morning , friends . Last night , I could not believe what I was reading : " The U . S . Fish and Wildlife Service on Wednesday declared the eastern cougar to be extinct . . . " As an avid fan of all things wild , I was saddened . As a person whose favorite wild animal is the cougar ( aka Puma , Florida Panther , Mountain Lion , and Fire Cat ) , I was devastated ! How could this happen ? Don 't people realize that extinction is forever ? I continued reading : " Once widely dispersed throughout the eastern United States , the mountain lion was all but wiped out by the turn of the last century . . . killed in vast numbers . . . states even held bounties . . . . " Grrr ! Fighting against the reality of what I read and filled with fury , I finally fell asleep . In my dream world , Amazon Sage 's spirit filled with the fire of the fire cat to such a degree that she shape - shifted into the last Eastern Fire Cat . Suddenly she found herself running , running through forest and field , all the way to the top of the mountain . There , she roared her dismay for all animals , everywhere who face such an inglorious fate . Standing atop the mountain , she knows the hunters have her in their sites and remembers back to the last time she saw her mother . Back then , this powerful Eastern cougar was an adorable cub , playfully leaping from behind a bush and clumsily attacking her mother . But her mother has been shot and is too weak to nurse . Like the forest , the cub 's life source has dried up . Futilely , the baby attempts to get her mother to respond . But soon , the mother cougar fades into the beyond and the little one instinctively knows she must leave the den or she too , will die . Amazingly , the little one is found by an awkward teenage girl who loves wild animals and indigenous music . The girl 's name is Sage . For two years , in secret , Sage feeds and protects the young cub until able to be on her own . That is why she is so saddened today , when the sound of gunshots ring out , and the exquisite Eastern Cougar is no more . In her last , and bravest act , the Fire Cat roPosted by Good morning , friends . According to CNN : " Opening statements began in the trial of self - help author and speaker James Arthur Ray . . . charged with the death of three people at an Arizona sweat lodge . " I ask , " What 's wrong with this picture ? Is the fact that this man was violating a Native American spiritual ceremony really that important ? " I say " Yes . " Most will agree that people of all cultures share a desire to seek a connection to the divine . We need not look far for ample evidence . And all around the world , sacred ceremonies are shared with those outside their culture . It is a great honor to be included and an outsider 's participation is with complete awareness of the potential dangers involved . This is where human frailties become dangerous as one man 's greed did not long ago . Without the blessing or sanction of medicine people in the Native American tradition , he decided to make money off of innocent people 's desire for spirituality . Last night , as my eyes closed , I mulled over these issues and almost before I was asleep Amazon Sage dream - traveled to that fateful day in Camp Verde , Arizona . She was determined to find out what really happened inside and if possible , offer help . Once inside the makeshift " sweat lodge " she quickly saw the problem ; too many people had too little air . Yet they were admonished not to lift the tarp around the sides and certainly not to exit , lest they lose their " spiritual lesson . " Meanwhile , the " leader " sat next to the opening where he had all the air he needed . The looks on the people 's faces were certainly not of bliss . Some had already begun to vomit , struggling to follow their leader 's directive to stay put . When Ray finally allowed the occupants to exit , one of his outside staff members described the scene this way : " As people stumbled out of the sweat lodge , collapsing on the ground , James Ray was just watching . . . standing above and watching . " . . . as people suffered and died . Amidst the horror , all Amazon Sage could do was sit quietly with the dying as their sweet spirits passed into the great beyond . Were this an actual spiritual ceremony and not simply a device for a leader to line his pockets , no person would have been shamed into staying . More importantly , they would certainly not have been charged money for their " spiritual experience " . So , once again I ask you : " How did a new age ceremony become murder ? " Look to the motivation of the leader and the source of the ceremony and you will know the answer . Good morning , friends . Last night , Amazon Sage dream travelled to the Oscars . I don 't know about you , but if I had worked as hard as those people work , putting together films that not only entertain , but have the possibility of changing the world , I would resent being placed on some yahoo 's list of " Best " or " Worst Dressed " Oscar attendee . What if , when Amazon Sage travelled back to the night of the Academy Awards , she saw and heard something that this : An attractive newswoman , stands on the red carpet , microphone in hand , providing the best and the beautiful with a red carpet greeting . This is her big opportunity to shine since she is well versed in fashion . With the arrival of a newly nominated filmmaker , Amy gushes her approval . Elizabeth Williams , sports a warm persona and a ready smile . She is clearly a person of the people , a refreshing change from the divas . It is in great part , due to the brave political statements , made in her film , that she was selected . With a superficial smile planted on her face , Amy approaches . " Dr . Williams , welcome to the event of the season ! I see you are dressed in the attire of your ancestors . Not exactly Valentino or Oscar de la Renta , but certainly , uh , interesting . " With a slight sneer she continues , " Where would you suggest I send our viewers if they want to find something like this ? " Elizabeth pauses and looks directly into Amy 's eyes , as she quietly speaks . " Thank you , Amy . You 've always had a good eye for couture . As for me , tonight is not about fashion , it is about coming home . . . to a culture , to an honoring of the land we all share . Tonight , with utmost respect , I join others who also want to come home to a new way of being with each other . " As Elizabeth makes her way into the crowd , shaking hands and smiling , Amy raises her hand and stops her camera man . So impacted is she by Elizabeth 's words , that for moments afterward , she fades into the background , letting Elizabeth 's words soak in . When she resumes interviewing , it is with a different spirit , not about fashion but about humanity and heritage , the topics so many films try to share . Discretely , as Amy continues her conversations , she decides to do more listening than talking . What if . . . .
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I don 't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection . But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me . No , dear brothers and sisters , I have not achieved it but I focus on this one thing : Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead , I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God , through Christ Jesus , is calling us . 2 . Your family relationship - Whether you grew up in a two - parent home , with a single parent , with a distant relative , or if your family is close - knit , or a little broken apart , your family relationship doesn 't define you . 3 . Your vices - We all have weaknesses . But if you think that you are a failure just because you sometimes fail - you 're wrong . 4 . Your race - No matter the color of your skin you are special on the inside . 5 . Your age - We can often identify with those that are close in age . Young and old , be careful not to wrap your identify around your birth date . 6 . Your ability / disability - Are you exceptionally good at something or are you unable to do many things because of a special circumstance ? What if these things all of a sudden changed ? Would you still know where to place your real identity ? 7 . Your intellect and education - Do you get to write those little letters behind your name like " M . D . " because you worked hard for an education ? Or were you not able to finish grade school because you had to work hard to help your parents ? Whatever boat you are in your education doesn 't define you . 8 . Your physical appearance - Do you like your shape ? Do you think your nose it way too big ? Do you think you are laden with flaws ? Chances are we all have things that we may have been insecure about at one time or another . 9 . Your economic status - Whether you were blessed to be inherit great wealth , or may not know where tonight 's meal is coming from there is a God in Heaven who is the ultimate provider . 10 . Your health - You can have 1 % body fat or be struggling to lose those 15 lbs . You may have fought a battle against cancer or diabetes - still you are so much greater than your health . 11 . Politics - Do you identify as a conservative or liberal , democrat or republican ? Regardless of which , be careful not to get your identity wrapped up in politics because you belong to a party much greater . Psalm 139 : 13 - 16For you created my inmost being ; you knit me together in my mother 's womb . I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made ; your works are wonderful , I know that full well . My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place . When I was woven together in the depths of the earth , your eyes saw my unformed body . All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be . 1 . Don 't miss the boat . 2 . Remember that we are all in the same boat . 3 . Plan ahead ! It wasn 't raining when Noah built the Ark . 4 . Stay fit . When you 're 600 years old , someone may ask you to do something really big . 5 . Don 't listen to critics ; just get on with the job that needs to be done . 6 . Build your future on high ground . 7 . For safety 's sake , travel in pairs . 8 . Speed isn 't always an advantage . The snails were on board with the cheetahs . 9 . When you 're stressed , float a while . 10 . Remember , the Ark was built by amateurs ; the Titanic by professionals . 11 . No matter the storm , when you are with God , there 's always a rainbow waiting . Then God said , " I am giving you a sign of my covenant with you and with all living creatures , for all generations to come . I have placed my rainbow in the clouds . It is the sign of my covenant with you and with all the earth . When I send clouds over the earth , the rainbow will appear in the clouds , and I will remember my covenant with you and with all living creatures . Never again will the floodwaters destroy all life . For more inspirational stories . . CLICK HERE One day in particular she was pulled up next to the man , when he began doing something out of the ordinary . He began jogging down Colorado Blvd . Next thing she knew , he had thrown down his sign and started sprinting into the middle of the street . He ran across the small median into four lanes of oncoming traffic , gesturing madly for the cars to stop . Thankfully , all 20 cars or so managed to stop just in time to avoid hitting him . The out - of - control vehicle came barreling across the median and across the four lanes of traffic , where just seconds ago cars had been traveling at about 35 MPH . " Here is a man who most likely spends every day getting ignored by people who are trying not to make eye contact with him so that they don 't feel bad not giving him money . Yet he didn 't even hesitate to risk his life to save this lady and at least 20 others who would have crashed into her . He didn 't expect anything from her and he was back on his corner the next day holding up his sign like nothing had happened . I rolled down my window the next day to praise him and all he had to say was that he thought he could help , so he did . " credit : Huffington Post John 10 : 14 - 18 " I am the good shepherd ; I know my own sheep , and they know me , just as my Father knows me and I know the Father . So I sacrifice my life for the sheep . I have other sheep , too , that are not in this sheepfold . I must bring them also . They will listen to my voice , and there will be one flock with one shepherd . " The Father loves me because I sacrifice my life so I may take it back again . No one can take my life from me . I sacrifice it voluntarily . For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again . For this is what my Father has commanded . " Brenda was a young woman who was invited to go rock climbing . Although she was very scared , she went with her group to a tremendous granite cliff . In spite of her fear , she put on the gear , took a hold on the rope , and started up the face of that rock . Well , here she is , on a rock ledge , with hundreds of feet below her and hundreds of feet above her . Of course , she looked and looked and looked , hoping it had landed on the ledge , but it just wasn 't there . Here she was , far from home , her sight now blurry . She was desperate and began to get upset , so she prayed to the Lord to help her to find it . She looked out across range after range of mountains , thinking of that Bible verse that says , " The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth . " She thought , " Lord , You can see all these mountains . You know every stone and leaf , and You know exactly where my contact lens is . Please help me . " Finally , they walked down the trail to the bottom . At the bottom there was a new party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff . One of them shouted out , " Hey , you guys ! Anybody lose a contact lens ? " Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist . When she told him the incredible story of the ant , the prayer , and the contact lens , he drew a picture of an ant lugging that contact lens with the words , " Lord , I don 't know why You want me to carry this thing . I can 't eat it , and it 's awfully heavy . But if this is what You want me to do , I 'll carry it for You . " I think it would probably do some of us good to occasionally say , " God , I don 't know why you want me to carry this load . I can see no good in it and it 's awfully heavy . But , if you want me to carry it , I will . " God doesn 't call the qualified , He qualifies the called . Yes , I do love GOD . He is my source of existence and my savior . He keeps me functioning each and every day . " Without Him , I am nothing , but with Him . . . " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me . " ( Phil . 4 : 13 ) Once there was this very wealthy young man . He lived in a great , elaborate house with dozens of rooms . Each room was more comfortable and more beautiful than the one before it . There were paintings and sculptures ; crystal chandeliers ; golden , ornate railings on the stairs . More beauty than most have ever seen . One day he decided to invite the Lord to come home and stay with him . When the Lord arrived , this young man offered him the very best room in the house . The room was upstairs and at the end of the hall . " This room is yours , Jesus ! Stay as long as you like and you can do whatever you want to in this room . Remember Jesus , it 's all yours . " That evening after he had retired for the night there came a loud knocking at the front door . The young man pulled on his robe and made his way downstairs . When he opened the door , he found that the devil had sent three of his demons to attack the man . He quickly tried to close the door , but one of the demons kept sticking his foot in . Sometime later , after a great struggle , he managed to slam the door shut and returned to his room , totally exhausted . " Can you believe that , " the man thought . " Jesus is upstairs in my very best room sleeping while I am down here battling demons . Oh , well , maybe he just didn 't hear . " He slept fitfully that night . The next day thing went along as normal and , being tired as he was , the young man retired early that evening . Along about midnight , there came such a terrible ruckus at the front door that the young man was sure that whatever it was would tear the door down . He stumbled down the stairs once again and opened the door to find that were dozens of demons now trying to get into his beautiful home . For more than three hours he fought and struggled against the demons from hell and finally overtook them enough to shut the door against their attack . All energy seemed to fail him . He really didn 't understand this at all . " Why won 't the Lord come to my rescue ? Why does he allow me to fight all by myself ? I feel so alone . " Troubled , he found his way to the sofa and fell into a restless sleep . The next morning he decided to inquire of the Lord about the happenings of the last two evenings . Quietly he made his way to the elegant bedroom where he had left Jesus . " Jesus , " he called as he tapped at the door . " Lord , I don 't understand what is happening . For the last two nights I have had to fight the demons away from my door while you laid up here sleeping . Don 't you care about me ? Did I not give you the very best room in the house ? " He could see the tears building in Jesus ' eyes but continued on , " I just don 't understand . I really thought that once I invited you in to live with me that you would take care of me and I gave you the best room in my house and everything . What more can I do ? " " My precious child , " Jesus spoke so softly , " I do love and care for you . I protect all that you have released into my care . But when you invited me to come here and stay , you brought me to this lovely room and you shut the door to the rest of your house . I am Lord of this room but I am not Master of this house . I have protected this room and no demon may enter here . " " Oh , Lord , please forgive me . Take all of my house - it is yours . I am so sorry that I never offered you all to begin with . I want you to have control of everything . " With this , he flung open the bedroom door and knelt at Jesus ' feet . " Please forgive me , Lord , for being so selfish . " Jesus smiled and told him that He had already forgiven him and that He would take care of things from now on . That night as the young man prepared for bed , he thought , " I wonder if those demons will return . I am so tired of fighting them each and every night . " But he knew that Jesus said that He would take care of things from now on . Along about midnight the banging on the door was frightening . The young man slipped out of his room in time to see Jesus going down the stairs . He watched in awe as Jesus swung open the door , no need to be afraid . Satan stood at the door this time demanding to be let in . " What do you want , Satan ? " the Lord asked . The devil bowed low in the presence of the Lord , " So sorry , I seem to have gotten the wrong address . " And with that , he and the demons all ran away . There is a moral to this tale . Jesus wants all of you , not just a part . He will take all that you give Him but nothing more . How much of your heart have you given to the Lord ? Are you keeping a portion of it away from Him ? Perhaps the attacks are coming more and more each day . Why not let the Lord fight the battles for you ? He is always victorious . I have found that God made man simple , all of man 's complexities are of his own devising . " I know all the things you do , that you are neither hot nor cold . I wish that you were one or the other ! But since you are like lukewarm water , neither hot nor cold , I will spit you out of my mouth ! You say , ' I am rich . I have everything I want . I don 't need a thing ! ' And you don 't realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked . So I advise you to buy gold from me - gold that has been purified by fire . Then you will be rich . Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness , and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see . I correct and discipline everyone I love . So be diligent and turn from your indifference . " Look ! I stand at the door and knock . If you hear my voice and open the door , I will come in , and we will share a meal together as friends . Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne , just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne . "
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I don 't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection . But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me . No , dear brothers and sisters , I have not achieved it but I focus on this one thing : Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead , I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God , through Christ Jesus , is calling us . 2 . Your family relationship - Whether you grew up in a two - parent home , with a single parent , with a distant relative , or if your family is close - knit , or a little broken apart , your family relationship doesn 't define you . 3 . Your vices - We all have weaknesses . But if you think that you are a failure just because you sometimes fail - you 're wrong . 4 . Your race - No matter the color of your skin you are special on the inside . 5 . Your age - We can often identify with those that are close in age . Young and old , be careful not to wrap your identify around your birth date . 6 . Your ability / disability - Are you exceptionally good at something or are you unable to do many things because of a special circumstance ? What if these things all of a sudden changed ? Would you still know where to place your real identity ? 7 . Your intellect and education - Do you get to write those little letters behind your name like " M . D . " because you worked hard for an education ? Or were you not able to finish grade school because you had to work hard to help your parents ? Whatever boat you are in your education doesn 't define you . 8 . Your physical appearance - Do you like your shape ? Do you think your nose it way too big ? Do you think you are laden with flaws ? Chances are we all have things that we may have been insecure about at one time or another . 9 . Your economic status - Whether you were blessed to be inherit great wealth , or may not know where tonight 's meal is coming from there is a God in Heaven who is the ultimate provider . 10 . Your health - You can have 1 % body fat or be struggling to lose those 15 lbs . You may have fought a battle against cancer or diabetes - still you are so much greater than your health . 11 . Politics - Do you identify as a conservative or liberal , democrat or republican ? Regardless of which , be careful not to get your identity wrapped up in politics because you belong to a party much greater . Psalm 139 : 13 - 16For you created my inmost being ; you knit me together in my mother 's womb . I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made ; your works are wonderful , I know that full well . My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place . When I was woven together in the depths of the earth , your eyes saw my unformed body . All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be . 1 . Don 't miss the boat . 2 . Remember that we are all in the same boat . 3 . Plan ahead ! It wasn 't raining when Noah built the Ark . 4 . Stay fit . When you 're 600 years old , someone may ask you to do something really big . 5 . Don 't listen to critics ; just get on with the job that needs to be done . 6 . Build your future on high ground . 7 . For safety 's sake , travel in pairs . 8 . Speed isn 't always an advantage . The snails were on board with the cheetahs . 9 . When you 're stressed , float a while . 10 . Remember , the Ark was built by amateurs ; the Titanic by professionals . 11 . No matter the storm , when you are with God , there 's always a rainbow waiting . Then God said , " I am giving you a sign of my covenant with you and with all living creatures , for all generations to come . I have placed my rainbow in the clouds . It is the sign of my covenant with you and with all the earth . When I send clouds over the earth , the rainbow will appear in the clouds , and I will remember my covenant with you and with all living creatures . Never again will the floodwaters destroy all life . For more inspirational stories . . CLICK HERE One day in particular she was pulled up next to the man , when he began doing something out of the ordinary . He began jogging down Colorado Blvd . Next thing she knew , he had thrown down his sign and started sprinting into the middle of the street . He ran across the small median into four lanes of oncoming traffic , gesturing madly for the cars to stop . Thankfully , all 20 cars or so managed to stop just in time to avoid hitting him . The out - of - control vehicle came barreling across the median and across the four lanes of traffic , where just seconds ago cars had been traveling at about 35 MPH . " Here is a man who most likely spends every day getting ignored by people who are trying not to make eye contact with him so that they don 't feel bad not giving him money . Yet he didn 't even hesitate to risk his life to save this lady and at least 20 others who would have crashed into her . He didn 't expect anything from her and he was back on his corner the next day holding up his sign like nothing had happened . I rolled down my window the next day to praise him and all he had to say was that he thought he could help , so he did . " credit : Huffington Post John 10 : 14 - 18 " I am the good shepherd ; I know my own sheep , and they know me , just as my Father knows me and I know the Father . So I sacrifice my life for the sheep . I have other sheep , too , that are not in this sheepfold . I must bring them also . They will listen to my voice , and there will be one flock with one shepherd . " The Father loves me because I sacrifice my life so I may take it back again . No one can take my life from me . I sacrifice it voluntarily . For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again . For this is what my Father has commanded . " Brenda was a young woman who was invited to go rock climbing . Although she was very scared , she went with her group to a tremendous granite cliff . In spite of her fear , she put on the gear , took a hold on the rope , and started up the face of that rock . Well , here she is , on a rock ledge , with hundreds of feet below her and hundreds of feet above her . Of course , she looked and looked and looked , hoping it had landed on the ledge , but it just wasn 't there . Here she was , far from home , her sight now blurry . She was desperate and began to get upset , so she prayed to the Lord to help her to find it . She looked out across range after range of mountains , thinking of that Bible verse that says , " The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth . " She thought , " Lord , You can see all these mountains . You know every stone and leaf , and You know exactly where my contact lens is . Please help me . " Finally , they walked down the trail to the bottom . At the bottom there was a new party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff . One of them shouted out , " Hey , you guys ! Anybody lose a contact lens ? " Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist . When she told him the incredible story of the ant , the prayer , and the contact lens , he drew a picture of an ant lugging that contact lens with the words , " Lord , I don 't know why You want me to carry this thing . I can 't eat it , and it 's awfully heavy . But if this is what You want me to do , I 'll carry it for You . " I think it would probably do some of us good to occasionally say , " God , I don 't know why you want me to carry this load . I can see no good in it and it 's awfully heavy . But , if you want me to carry it , I will . " God doesn 't call the qualified , He qualifies the called . Yes , I do love GOD . He is my source of existence and my savior . He keeps me functioning each and every day . " Without Him , I am nothing , but with Him . . . " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me . " ( Phil . 4 : 13 ) Once there was this very wealthy young man . He lived in a great , elaborate house with dozens of rooms . Each room was more comfortable and more beautiful than the one before it . There were paintings and sculptures ; crystal chandeliers ; golden , ornate railings on the stairs . More beauty than most have ever seen . One day he decided to invite the Lord to come home and stay with him . When the Lord arrived , this young man offered him the very best room in the house . The room was upstairs and at the end of the hall . " This room is yours , Jesus ! Stay as long as you like and you can do whatever you want to in this room . Remember Jesus , it 's all yours . " That evening after he had retired for the night there came a loud knocking at the front door . The young man pulled on his robe and made his way downstairs . When he opened the door , he found that the devil had sent three of his demons to attack the man . He quickly tried to close the door , but one of the demons kept sticking his foot in . Sometime later , after a great struggle , he managed to slam the door shut and returned to his room , totally exhausted . " Can you believe that , " the man thought . " Jesus is upstairs in my very best room sleeping while I am down here battling demons . Oh , well , maybe he just didn 't hear . " He slept fitfully that night . The next day thing went along as normal and , being tired as he was , the young man retired early that evening . Along about midnight , there came such a terrible ruckus at the front door that the young man was sure that whatever it was would tear the door down . He stumbled down the stairs once again and opened the door to find that were dozens of demons now trying to get into his beautiful home . For more than three hours he fought and struggled against the demons from hell and finally overtook them enough to shut the door against their attack . All energy seemed to fail him . He really didn 't understand this at all . " Why won 't the Lord come to my rescue ? Why does he allow me to fight all by myself ? I feel so alone . " Troubled , he found his way to the sofa and fell into a restless sleep . The next morning he decided to inquire of the Lord about the happenings of the last two evenings . Quietly he made his way to the elegant bedroom where he had left Jesus . " Jesus , " he called as he tapped at the door . " Lord , I don 't understand what is happening . For the last two nights I have had to fight the demons away from my door while you laid up here sleeping . Don 't you care about me ? Did I not give you the very best room in the house ? " He could see the tears building in Jesus ' eyes but continued on , " I just don 't understand . I really thought that once I invited you in to live with me that you would take care of me and I gave you the best room in my house and everything . What more can I do ? " " My precious child , " Jesus spoke so softly , " I do love and care for you . I protect all that you have released into my care . But when you invited me to come here and stay , you brought me to this lovely room and you shut the door to the rest of your house . I am Lord of this room but I am not Master of this house . I have protected this room and no demon may enter here . " " Oh , Lord , please forgive me . Take all of my house - it is yours . I am so sorry that I never offered you all to begin with . I want you to have control of everything . " With this , he flung open the bedroom door and knelt at Jesus ' feet . " Please forgive me , Lord , for being so selfish . " Jesus smiled and told him that He had already forgiven him and that He would take care of things from now on . That night as the young man prepared for bed , he thought , " I wonder if those demons will return . I am so tired of fighting them each and every night . " But he knew that Jesus said that He would take care of things from now on . Along about midnight the banging on the door was frightening . The young man slipped out of his room in time to see Jesus going down the stairs . He watched in awe as Jesus swung open the door , no need to be afraid . Satan stood at the door this time demanding to be let in . " What do you want , Satan ? " the Lord asked . The devil bowed low in the presence of the Lord , " So sorry , I seem to have gotten the wrong address . " And with that , he and the demons all ran away . There is a moral to this tale . Jesus wants all of you , not just a part . He will take all that you give Him but nothing more . How much of your heart have you given to the Lord ? Are you keeping a portion of it away from Him ? Perhaps the attacks are coming more and more each day . Why not let the Lord fight the battles for you ? He is always victorious . I have found that God made man simple , all of man 's complexities are of his own devising . " I know all the things you do , that you are neither hot nor cold . I wish that you were one or the other ! But since you are like lukewarm water , neither hot nor cold , I will spit you out of my mouth ! You say , ' I am rich . I have everything I want . I don 't need a thing ! ' And you don 't realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked . So I advise you to buy gold from me - gold that has been purified by fire . Then you will be rich . Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness , and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see . I correct and discipline everyone I love . So be diligent and turn from your indifference . " Look ! I stand at the door and knock . If you hear my voice and open the door , I will come in , and we will share a meal together as friends . Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne , just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne . "
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Back in 2013 John and i replaced the struts on my 2005 Pontiac Grand Prix . The rear suspension of my car rode like it needed to be replaced , it was scraping the ground and I heard banging noises when I hit potholes . I ordered the Monroe quick struts through the website Rock Auto . It seemed like the QuickStruts were the way to go for me , it meant that i didn 't have to use a spring compressor . Back then the struts were $ 120 each and shipping was another $ 20 each . I did notice at the time that the new spring was different to the spring that originally came in my car . The new spring had several additional coils which were variable in space . I thought that this must be a new and upgraded spring and installed them on my car . I won 't get into the details , if you want to see all the pictures of that first time installing the new struts , click on Replace Pontiac Rear Struts from 2013 . It was quite an ordeal which involved snapping a rusty sway bar link bolt . During the past year I haven 't really noticed that much of an improvement with the new struts . It seemed better at first , but after while the car was still bottoming out , maybe even worse than it was originally . If I put any weight like luggage in the trunk there would be a banging noise when I went over any bump . Fast forward to a month ago . I tried contacting Monro , the company who made the QuickStruts . I sent them an e - mail saying that the struts i bought had collapsed and asked if they would replace them under their warranty . I waited a few weeks but did not hear any reply . So I decided to contact Rock Auto , which is where i actually bought them through . Luckily they responded that same day saying the parts were under warranty and they would facilitate the replacement through the manufacturer . Rock Auto was great . The process worked where I would order the new parts , replace them on my car , and ship back the old ones . The only minor downside is that I had to pay for the $ 40 to ship the parts back and forth . But I figured I was getting off cheap since I was getting brand - new struts on my car for the cost of shipping . You can see from the picture that the spring on the left is the part which is less than a year old . The gap at the bottom of the variable spring when on the car was even closer than it is shown here . At some points the spring coils were touching each other . So I went to work removing struts by myself in the garage . One big advantage I had was learning from the lessons that John and I went through the first time . I knew that using the jack stand to lift swing arm at the knuckle helped to remove strut bolts at the top . It applied just enough pressure on the spring so that the bolts wouldn 't bink . Also this time around i remembered to spray lots of WD - 40 and JB Weld thread loosener on the sway bar link bolt . Then I also used a wire brush to clean off the threads . When it came time to remove the bolt , I was able to remove one side with the air impact wrench , but the other side required the big breaker bar . Here 's a picture of the two large bolts which hold the strut in place . These both support the entire weight the rear of the car . It took a big hammer to loosen them to where they could be removed . It is nice having air tools to do this type of job . I didn 't have all this nice equipment a year ago and we had to do it all by hand . It just makes it a lot easier removing rusted on bolts and getting into tight places . Although for most of this job I did use basic hand tools . To attach the top of the strut to the car i needed to climb into the trunk and access the 3 bolts which were under the carpet covering . It 's definitely bit of a tight squeeze to get in there . This picture doesn 't do justice to how type of fit it really is . Using a 90 ° impact , wrench , and socket wrench it was a bit of work to remove the three bolts . Here 's another picture of the new strut and old one that i removed . It 's amazing that they look this bad after less than one year . The coils are all rusted and collapsed . The new struts went one on the same way as before . Although I did make a big screw - up when I was reinserting those two large bolts . I was using a big hammer to drive them in and I accidentally hit and cracked the ABS sensor on the hub . I was hoping it wasn 't broken but when i started the car some warning lights appeared . It 's annoying when you set about to fix something on the car and end up breaking something completely different . One bad swing of the hammer and i had to replace the rear hub . It was completely fine , but the ABS sensor was cracked and the warning light wouldn 't go away . Anyway the ride is much better with the new struts on , Now it 's not bottoming out like it did before . Once I get the new hub in the mail I have to post more pictures of how I installed that . One last thing is that i found out later that after replacing the struts and hub i did cause the rear tires to be out of alignment . It 's not serious , just that your tires will wear unevenly and possibly wear out sooner . So there 's another $ 70 to get an alignment that you need to spend . I saw online that you could sort of do it with a piece of string , but the camber and heel / toe part seemed too complicated for me to do myself . Once again i was inspired to build something in my workshop after watching a Youtube video on Tested . I 've talked about Tested several times before , it 's a website / Youtube channel , which focuses mainly on Adam Savage from Mythbusters . My favorite video 's are ones where Adam is building something in his shop . While Adam is building he sometimes talks about the tools he uses and why he likes them . A couple of times he has mentioned how much he loves using his large disc sander . In a recent video he did a tour of his shop and again talked about how useful the disc sander is for quickly removing excess wood after cutting on the bandsaw . Back when he first talked about how useful it was i started thinking that maybe i could use one in my basement workshop . I do have a really nice PorterCable 3 " hand belt sander , but i rarely use it . It does a great job , but it 's heavy and not exactly a precision tool . With a big disc sander i figured that i could leave it sitting on the work bench . When i started looking at buying a disc sander i noticed a few things . First is that they are pretty basic . There 's a motor , framework , platform and the spinning disc . Second is that most of them are pretty small . A lot of the stores were selling 6 " or 8 " bench top disc sanders . The sander in Adam 's shop was a big industrial sander with something like a 16 " or 18 " disc . I think he said that it 's a 2 horse power motor and can really do some damage if your fingers get in the way . Third is that they were pretty expensive . Even for the cheaply made ones like at Harbor Freight they wanted $ 120 . Here 's a pretty basic one on ebay , it 's close to $ 300 . I decided to make the spinning disc 12 " for a couple of reasons . If i 'm going to build my own disk sander i might as well make it big . There 's no point in building a small 6 " or 8 " sander if i could just go to the store and buy one . I might as well build something that would cost $ 200 at the store . I did want to keep it simple though . Just a motor , frame , disc and surface . Also it had to be lightweight and compact . Something like this . Another thing i thought about is that i had to be able to buy round sandpaper for it . There were only a couple of places that sell sticky - back round sandpaper in sizes bigger than 12 " and it isn 't cheap . Amazon had some 16 " sandpaper for around $ 30 a piece . But Harbor Freight had a 2 - pack of 12 " round 120 - grit sandpaper for $ 6 . I really wanted 80 - grit but 120 is all they sell . The last reason why i decided to build a 12 " disk sander is because of the power needed from the motor . I 've had an old 1 / 3 hp 1750rpm electric motor that came from the furnace blower at my parents old house . Here 's the specs . The 1750rpm was perfect , but many people said that 3 / 4 hp or a 1 horse power motor is really the right size . I didn 't want to go to the trouble of building the disc sander , just to have it bog down every time i tried sanding something . But i thought " Eh it 'll be fine " so i started building . One of my goals , to make it as simple as possible , is always a lot harder than you 'd think . Looking back at the final product it looks like it should have taken 5 minutes to build , and yes if i had to build it again now it probably would take 5 minutes . But there 's always a lot of thought that goes into making something simple . You have to strip away the unnecessary parts , getting down to just the basic core of the machine . I drew lots of different versions of how i thought it might look . From different motor mounts , to a sheet metal dust screen , to a pivoting platform so that i could sand at different angles . But i finally ended up on a very compact and basic design . I knew that in order to keep it cheap and light - weight i would make the " frame " out of wood . But before i began building i needed to decide on the disc itself . My original plan was to use metal , aluminum specifically . Steel would be too heavy , straining the motor every time it tried to start spinning . Aluminum is not only light but it 's a strong metal that can be shaped on a lathe . Disc sanders you buy in the store use an aluminum disc , which varies in thickness . For a big 16 " disc sander like Adam 's , the aluminum disc might be 3 / 4 " thick . It has to be rigid enough to not bend when pushing on the end away from the center . I looked for about a month for a round piece of thick aluminum that i could use . But not surprisingly it 's not easy to find a 12 " piece of 1 / 4 " thick aluminum just lying around . I concluded that the disc i would use would not be made out of aluminum . So i decided to use wood . I knew that i wanted to use something like plywood or particle board . If i had used a solid piece of cut pine , it 's possible that it would bend or bow because of the variance in its grain . With wood that 's been laminated together , the difference in the pieces and direction make sure to keep it from warping . So i ended up using a piece of 3 / 4 " melamine . Melamine isn 't cheap , a 4 ' x8 ' - 3 / 4 " board cost around $ 38 . I 've used melamine in the past as the work surface for my work benches . It 's a very sturdy , rigid board with a really great smooth white plastic coating on both sides . I 've used it on both my work benches and i also used it when i built the table top for Karrie 's arts and crafts table . Here 's me cutting out the top many months ago . You can see the same piece of scrap wood in the picture above is the piece that i was using . Also on the table were just some random scraps of To begin i started by cutting the melamine in a 12 " circle . I did this by drilling a small in a piece of plastic , then drilled another hole 6 " away . Then i drilled into the piece of melamine and left the drill bit sticking out of the wood . It acted as the center fulcrum for drawing the circle . The first hole i put through the drill bit and the second hole i used to draw the circle . Then i got out my jig saw and cut the 12 " disc out . The funny thing is that the perfect tool that i could have used to smooth out the cuts would have been a big disc sander . It would have been nice to use the tool i 'm building , to help me build the tool i 'm building . ( that sounds like something out of a Dr Seuss book ) Then i came to the next , and probably the most critical step , figuring out how i would attach the 12 " circle to the motor . This was the part of the machine that had to be done right . It not only had to be strong , but it also had to fit tightly to the motor shaft and the disc . If it was wobbly or not at a perfect 90 degree angle the sander wouldn 't work . The ideal thing to use would be a big pulley which fit the shaft of the motor . Unfortunately the only things i had were a tiny 1 " pulley , random metal bracket , and plastic sprocket . One good thing about the pulley is that it fit tightly and had a bolt that locked to the flat part of the shaft . To strengthen the critical point and expand the area where the twisting force would be applied , i decided to add a large metal washer . The washer provided extra strength and also gave me a place to mount the 12 " disc to the motor . Next i drilled 4 holes through the metal washer , then marked and drilled 4 matching holes in the disc . I figured that it would be easier to drill the holes in the washer before attaching it to the pulley . To attach the washer to the pulley luckily i had just the right tool , my welder . I bought a cheap 90 amp welder from Harbor Freight a few years ago and have used it on a few projects . So far it 's worked great for welding my mufflers and attaching wheels to metal tables . So i went to the garage and started welding the washer to the pulley . I didn 't do what you would call a pretty job , but it was definitely strong . I welded full beads around the front and back . Here 's a closeup of what the coupling looked like . Not perfect but hopefully good enough . It was easy finding just the right bolts to use , now that i have my stacking cases . Everything is so organized . motor to the table and with the other hand i turned it on . Lets just say that there was plenty of power . And that it 's not easy to hold down a motor spinning a 12 " piece of wood at 1750 rpm . It almost vibrated off the workbench while i was holding it . But it passed my un - scientific power test and i decided that it was plenty powerful enough , i could continue . Next it was time to start building the frame to hold the motor and attach the platform . To hold everything together i decided to use a scrap piece of 1x12 . I think it used to be part of a shelf board in one of the closets in the house . It seemed pretty simple to me , just 4 boards and a platform on top for the surface to rest the wood on while i was sanding . With everything basically set , i was ready to glue it together . I didn 't have a good clamp for the 3 boards in the back so i used my 50lb anvil . It worked well . Then i had to make the motor mount . For the 12 " disc to clear the table i had to raise the center point at least 6 " up . The distance from the center of the motor to the bottom was around 3 " so that meant that i had to raise it up at least another 3 " . Back before i started building i came up with some fancy designs using bent sheet metal for the motor base . What i ended up using was 3 pieces of a 2x6 pine board . The wood was strong , light and provided me with a more than adequate base to attach the motor . The last piece was the platform . This is where i would rest / brace whatever i was sanding perpendicular to the disc . I originally thought about having the platform pivot so that i could sand an angle between 90 and 45 degrees . But i figured that i don 't ever need to be that precise , if i needed to sand an angle i could just lift the piece and eyeball whatever angle i needed . Plus a pivoting platform would not be as strong as something that i fixed in place . So i just glued and screwed two 2x4 's and two 2x3 's to the base . On top of those i attached the melamine platform . Again i decided to use melamine because it 's strong and great to work with . Plus the scrap piece was large enough for what i needed . So i attached the motor and disc to the completed frame and test it again . Almost everything worked perfectly . The motor was solid and the platform was fine , but the disc had a small wobble . It must have been when i welded the washer to the pulley . I assumed that the washer was flat , but it must have been slightly bent . Something that isn 't noticeable on a 3 " spinning piece of metal , but that gets magnified 4x on a 12 " piece of spinning wood . I tried using small shims and adjusting the bolts , but that didn 't work . Eventually i got the disc wobble / fluctuation to go away by brute force . With the motor locked in place i forcibly twisted the disc until i was able to bend the washer back to a simi - flat shape . There was still a small wobble , noticeable when you spin it with your hand , but at full speed you can 't tell . The last few steps were markings and paint . I used a sharpie to mark the center of the platform and different angles to the disc . It 's important , for a counter - clockwise spinning disc sander , that you don 't use the right side of the disc . If you do the thing you 're holding will go shooting from your hands , since the disc is spinning upwards . You want to use the left side where the disc is rotating downward to the platform . And here it is from the back . Super simple . For paint i did what i always do , use whatever color paint i already have . I used up all the old red paint with the welder cart , miter saw , and tool box . I made sure i taped off the top melamine surface with masking tape , then applied 2 coats of the green paint . After those dried i applied 2 coats of polyurethane . And the sander was done . I 'm super happy with the 12 " disc sander i built . It ended up being everything i had hoped . It 's small , light weight , easy to move and cheap to build . Basically the only thing i had to buy was the sandpaper . So really i only spent $ 6 for the whole thing . A lot better than $ 280 . It does a great job of sanding wood , even with the 120 grit sandpaper it can remove a lot of material in a couple seconds . Once again i have a tool that i can 't imagine having to get by without . Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest One day while driving home from work I rolled down all the windows in the car to get some fresh air . After the inside of the car cooled down a bit I pushed the switches to rol lup the windows and heard a terrible grinding noise from the rear passenger door . I knew something was wrong , there was a definite metal grinding noise and the window was jamming . When I got home I left the car running and went to check the window . Everything seemed fine but when I pushed the switch to roll it back down there was another grinding noise and the window didn 't seem to be sliding very well . I pushed the switch to slide it back up and there was more grinding coming from inside the door . Even using my hands to help raise the window didn 't work , it was stuck in place . I thought that I had broken the window motor . I knew it wasn 't the broken switch , fuse , or electrical problem because it was obviously trying to work . So I went inside and started doing some research on Youtube , as always . It wasn 't very clear as to what could be the problem , it didn 't sound like a very common thing to happen on cars . Some people complained about loose wires or faulty motor . But I was pretty certain that I wasn 't having the same problem they were describing with my window , motor or track . So to fully understand what was going on I had to remove the inner door panel , so that i could get a look at the inner workings . I 've removed the inner door panel of my car before . A year ago I replaced the side mirror on Karrie 's car . She also has a Pontiac Grand Prix and to fix the mirror i had to remove the front drivers side door panel . It 's like everything when it comes to working on cars , the first time you try to fix something takes 5 times longer than the 2nd or 3rd time . For the Grand Prix 's you have to pop off a plastic cover plate , remove 2 bolts , then use a thin plastic tool to work your way around the outside of the panel , wedging and popping the metal clips . There 's about 8 or 10 butterfly wedges which snap into the metal door . Popping off those wedges is the hardest part . You know you have to pop them off , but don 't want to break the plastic panel . You just have to work your way around the door , pushing and wedging plastic tool in , until you hear a pop sound and the door panel is loosened . Here 's what it looked like after the door panel is removed and the plastic dust cover is peeled down . Just a note , if you 're doing this on a hot day , that black tar sealant is really sticky and you wouldn 't want to get it on anything . It 's best to just completely remove the cover and get it out your way . There wasn 't a lot of space to see what was the problem . But I eventually noticed that the wire connection which lifted the window had broken from its plastic mount . You can see that this white plastic piece in the back should be attached at the top of the metal frame , instead it was all the way down in the center of the frame . I wasn 't 100 % sure that it was the only thing broken so I checked the other rear door . I took off that door panel and plastic cover . That 's when I was sure that the only broken part was the white plastic piece and wire which was attached . Here 's another view of what it looks like . The white plastic pies wasn 't really attached to anything here . It should be securely attached to the top of the metal frame . You can see the residue where the plastic piece used to be attached at the end . I decided that there was no way to fix it while it was in place . I could barley see the broken part , let alone fix it inside the door . So I had to remove the door track and motor from the inside of the door panel . The first step was to loosen the bolts and padding which attached the track system to the glass window . The window track system is technically called the window regulator . Once those bolts were loosened the window was able to slide up and down freely . But you want to make sure not to drop it or the window will slide down and break inside the door frame . So I used masking tape to hold the window in the fully up position , out of the way . Next I removed all the bolts which held the window regulator in place and was able to remove it from the door frame . You don 't want to leave just the masking tape holding your window up for 2 reasons . First is that the tape could tear and the window could fall and break . The second is that people will know that there 's a problem with the window and could just break right into your car . So I used a piece of 2x4 to wedge the window up in place inside of the door panel . And a couple pieces of duct tape were used to hold the 2x4 in place . At the center of the regulator was the electric motor which attaches to a plastic housing . Inside that round plastic housing is a spool in which the two wires coil around . As the switch is pressed for the window to go up or down , the motor turns and the wires are spooled in opposite directions . Those wires pull the metal track up or down and the window , which is attached , is raised or lowered . The problem I had is that the plastic piece which attaches to the wire at one end had broken . It 's amazing how much of this window track system is made of plastic . With all the torque being put on the window , the motor , and the wires , it seemed like this little plastic piece was a weak point . I thought I would be able to repair it but had problems fixing to the wire spool . I had to go in the basement and completely disassemble the plastic spool and the motor . Inside the wires were all tangled up . So i had to completely undo the wires just to have enough slack on the wire that needed to be fixed . Only then was I finally able to latch the broken plastic piece and glue it in place . I wasn 't sure how well the the glue would hold the plastic to metal . Here 's what my quick fix looked like . Before putting it back into the door frame I decided to give it a try to see if it worked . I wasn 't sure if I reassembled the motor spool and wires correctly and I wanted to make sure that everything traveled freely before I went to all the hassle of bolting it back in place . This is the point at which I made a really dumb mistake . I had the car ignition turned on and the window regulator plugged in , but when I flipped the switch nothing happened . I didn 't realize that I had the child security window lock switched to the ' ON ' position and there was no way to operate the window with the rear door switch . At the time I just figured that I screwed up when I reassembled the electric motor . So I was settled with the fact that I needed to buy a whole new window regulator system , $ 70 later I ended up with this . The new window regulator is on the left and the old one is on the right . Again before bolting in the new window track system I wanted to check to see that it would travel up and down correctly . I plugged it in , pressed the switch and again , nothing happened . The only thing I could think of was that I blew a fuse or damaged something else more seriously than I thought . This is when I need to remember that the simplest answer is always the right answer . I only realized what was wrong when I walked to the drivers side door and saw that the child window switch was locked on . After switching it off the window motor worked and the track moved up and down . I felt like a bit of an idiot spending $ 70 on a new regulator which didn 't need to be replaced . I knew that I would eventually be installing the new track system , but I wanted to see if my fix would have actually worked . So I reconnected the electrical cable to the original regulator system that I glued back together . When I pressed the switch the track did move down , however when I tried to raise the track , the wires in the plastic spool became all tangled . A few more attempts to raise and lower the window and the regulator was completely seized again . I felt a little better knowing that I would have had to buy a new window track system anyways . I unplugged the old broken window regulator and began installing the new one into the car door frame . It only needs 3 bolts to attach the regulator to the frame . Then 2 tensioning bolts at the bottom , which attached the regulator to the window . With everything in place I replaced the plastic cover and inner door panel . Now it all works perfectly , just like it did before . Sometimes when working on cars you can replace a single part , but in this case it 's an entire " sealed " unit that you have to replace .
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When I began this blog I felt it would be all about the formal education of my grandchildren . I knew some of our home school experience would be traditional and some would be rather nontraditional . What I did not prepare myself for is the daily life and living education that would be included . I imagine that the brick and mortar schools touch on this as do the skeptics in regards to social skills . DO NOT get me wrong ! I do not believe that a brick building is the best place to socialize a child . I believe the opposite in fact . Yet , I do think that there are areas of conduct that are taught early on in a school setting and perhaps due to fear of punishment or loss of recess time kiddos catch on fast . I find that I am still teaching G that grabbing a hold of a person to hug them good - bye is not socially acceptable behavior . Mind you , I am not talking about a grandmother or uncle , but a person who strikes up a conversation in a check out line . No matter how many times I say it there seems to be a joyfulness within G that must hug . I find this Christmas season that she did much better at this but still she would yell out to an entire room - - MERRY CHRISTMAS as she would exit . Perhaps I should have halted that but I did not . I want all to hear that it is the season of Christ birth and she is happy to announce it . Other areas of education are including household tasks that they probably would not have touched if they were not home all day . Since their mother has had a long recovery I have begun doing things with them that she would probably thought they were too young . A few days ago we began dinner prep while I fixed breakfast . I showed the F and G how to peel carrots and prep potatoes for their pot roast that was going to be placed in the slow cooker . WOW , they shocked me ! They are taking on more tasks in the home that directly effect them but would be helpful to the running of a busy household . G filled a shopping cart from a shopping list and directed F along the way so she was also helping . Then there is the area of appreciation . Not being in a selfish world it seems easy to redirect selfish behavior and gratitude for the things in your life . Still , modern world finds its way into our life . G is certain she needs a cell phone . She tells us about all her friends who have one . So I explained the day of those friends . Lets see , they wake early morning and are dropped off at a sitters house . From there , they walk to the school rain or shine as the sitter has many tiny ones . I explain that a lot can happen in a three block walk and some walk farther than that . When school is let out they walk back to the sitters house . I explained that all her friends who have a cell phone also have divorced parents . As I create my summary I tell her how fortunate she is that she has an uncomplicated life . That she always knows who is taking care of her at any given moment . That all the people who take care of her are family members who are 100 % reliable . That if the time ever comes that she is riding her bike to town , or in the care of a sitter we would make sure she could reach us in an emergency but for now the need is not there . OK she tells me but then asked if she could have a phone so she could text her friends . BANG BANG BANG my head hits the wall . Life is an education for me on a daily basis . Nice title but no answer . I can tell F over and over again that the lesson room is not a playroom . Still I find over and over again little dolls in the desks and drawing on the boards . My expo markers dried out once again for the misplaced lids . Not to mention the overall mess that then builds in the room overnight . Yesterday we had to clean before I could teach . Then there is the schedule I put on the wall at the beginning of the year . Yesterday F made sure I followed the schedule . That darn thing halted my creativity . G has made great strides in her math . I decided that she was beginning to get bored so I skipped a few review lessons and introduced no concept yesterday . She was excited to learn something new now that her math confidence is increasing . I just have to give her time to process the information . I find that if she does not answer me right away I ask it again and she gets frustrated . I must give her time . . . but her time frame is so much slower than mine . There new baby brother , O is now one month old and mother is still battling her open wound from the infection . Overall , she can now tend to most matters in her home except of course the most physically demanding . We still must be careful that she does not cause the wound to open more so the girls are getting a great lesson in laundry . I plan to do lessons next week on Tuesday though Friday . We have so much to get done since we lost so many days to a difficult labor and pregnancy , not to mention the pneumonia that F had . So I was thinking to ease the week we would create a New Years celebration in the classroom . I have all sorts of ideas in my head that will help bring in the year while also teaching about earth 's rotation and time overall . With the start of winter I believe I can even include the tilt of the earth to teach about the season . It will be fun . I plan to use baby O as the sun and have them rotate themselves slowly around him while turning to face him for the day and away from him for the night . Then use our globe to show it as as well . We will see if it works of if baby O gets stepped on . Posted by Well that is how I am feeling these days . Each girl is moving along in their educational process and filled with joy just like the song . I recall a " fork in the road " and realize we hit that fork often is class as well . When I visualize the fork in the road of the muppet movie I chuckle each time . Same goes for the forks in the road of our class times together . Some enjoyable moments of the week include attending a 4 - H Christmas party and going to an assisted living center for conversation and cookies . The girls enjoyed meeting the older generation and talking with them . In our classroom we had fun with math graphs and making a game of collecting data for the graph . The new baby is also a fork in our road was our schedule is off big time . Plans for this week include a trip to The Butterfly House in Chesterfield . I will take G and F but will also take two of their friends who are also homeschooled . Tonight I plan to create a game to help reinforce the capitalization rules for G . She has completed all nine rules but when she gets them all together it can be overwhelming . So I will make sentence cards that will match each rule . I will let you know how it works . WHAT ? Did I hear that correctly ? Humm . . . checking all identifiable birth marks I am certain that G just asked for a test , and not just any test but a math test . Perhaps I should swab her mouth and be certain she truly is G . This is a huge turn around and with all the different advise I asked and different things I tried it seems that using the same curriculum and adjusting its delivery just a bit not to mention the patience of waiting until it " clicked " . Ok Ok , so I was not so patient but G was and God was I get the benefit of patience as well . So what is different in our methods ? Well I am using lots of hand on time with play money , using my ABeka flash cards more but with her at the white board . The beginning of math is always board time . I review math facts at the board with her but she does the writing . Somebody loaned me some math rods but that was not easy for her and she always understood the concept . I have the abacus available at all times for the moment she feels stuck and she feels comfortable that it is there . The abacus we have clearly enables her to visualize it too . Generally , she can see the answer before she completes the use of the abacus . The biggest thing I did to help her was to reinforce the same time saving concepts over and over again so that she did not count on fingers and toes . I worked a lot on groups of ten and five and our repeating number table so that she could visualized better . I also permit her to add on using a dot system if she does not know the fact by heart . I am comfortable with he level right now . I recall being the same way but when multiplication came it was easier for me to memorize by then . Her language skills continue to be her favorite classes still . Then there is F ! I have been taking it very slowly with her phonics and reading so that she recalls it better . She is excited to read a story and color the picture at the end so now I find her wanting to finish the story and not be finished after two pages . I was happy with two pages when done with good effort but she is beginning to push herself . My greatest issue now is the stubborn child ( F ) who is no longer that baby but the middle child . I knew that the new baby would bring on a change in her but I was not prepared for how big the change would be . We are all happy to be back into lesson time again . One thing I am certain of however is that I will not be able to keep the girls doing the same history and science . F 's attention to the material is not so great but at the same time she is recalling the information . Still , she is one of those who look like they are not paying attention but can recall all that you say . Home school affords a closeness to a family but it was better displayed this week when the girls were found playing " colonist " together and " Mayflower " . Posted by I use to find it helpful when I first got into blogging . I began at homeschool blogger but like many others made my way to this provider . I was discouraged by the other site 's times that the blog was not available or other glitches . I did find others on that provider that through their experiences I would learn more about homeschooling . But this provider all I am discovering more and more business blogs . Sure the products are nice but many are focused on the early learner and my girls are past most that I see . I rarely get a glimpse into what others are doing to overcome a struggle or to celebrate their accomplishments . I am a very busy woman and even with my busy life I wonder how the bloggers who put so much up for giveaways and such manage to teach their children . A blogging business is timely . On another note I do believe we will get into the swing of school again . Yesterday ended up being another day of appointments . Baby O had to go for a weigh in as he is down to 6lbs 3 oz but on the up side he has been feeding well for the past two days and I expect he will stop loosing . My daughter K has a wound infection and had to see the doctor as well . We did make some Christmas crafts later in the day and the girls decorated a small tiny tree for our lesson room . I look forward to moving on again with school . I wonder what others do to get through these type of days . I am now at 21 days behind my schedule . Looks like some Saturday classes will take place come January and February . Seems we have been having more of life lessons lately than core education lessons . That is fine of course but I am ready for the calm down . Baby O was born on 11 - 20 - 2011 and is a healthy boy . Mother K is doing well but had a rough way to go from the beginning of this pregnancy to the end . G and F have been clearly making their adjustments and I no sooner announced to them that we could get back on track with school when suddenly an " appointment ' came up . OH NO they tell me , thinking we could calm our days a bit . We have not been in any class for ten days now . This is going to come as a hard one for them as we will be going well in to the summer months to catch up what is now twenty days . I expect Saturday classes to be necessary . Then again , we did decide that we were interested in a break that was a bit into the fall so perhaps that is a natural way to fall into our next school year schedule . hehe the pun was intended Plans for this upcoming week will be more work on our dinosaur lapbook at our KTM format . The girls are really looking forward to this when they realized that there is an appointment with the pediatrician on Monday . No problem as we all ready know that we can do some of this lesson in a car . We got a cute small tree to put in our classroom and some craft items to make ornaments for the tree . I imagine we will do that Monday as well . Today we went to the Santa parade and the girls were filled with Christmas Spirit . They told many people Merry Christmas as they passed them on the sidewalk . It became contagious as it was not long that others expected it from them as they passed and initiated it on their own , only to see them passing it on down the road . It was a great day ! I really needed it . The stress of the past week mixed with the excitement and lack of sleep turned me into someone I really do not know well at all . Feeling revitalized I am excited again to face each day . It has been a rough week and to be honest it is a good thing that we did not get lessons completed as my teaching ability really has been impair during a stressful week . So next week I will move on with F in her reading as we slowed down for her to catch up a bit with the many new special sounds of phonics . G will move on in spelling and oddly is enjoying all her capitalization rules and finding the errors in a sentence . Our last math class with G was a test day and she did great ! I really do not have much to post about but think next week I should be ready with pictures of the dinosaur study . What a whirlwind life is sometimes . By the time I get a moment to keep up the blog I am too tired from all of life experiences lately . So it would seem that there is no time for school . . . but we are still making progress and learning goes on . G is enjoying math a bit more , it seems we are getting into some newer ideas mixed with the old . She seems to like creating graphs and tally marks . As we are going places we make a choice of what I want her to observe and she is keeping her tally marks then making her graph . There is so much available for her right now to enhance her learning and I struggle to keep up with her . Soon the St . Louis Magic House will have a special exhibit on three of the Magic Tree House books . Additionally another local museum has a homeschool day coming up that will focus on the Civil War . She often asks me what the Civil War was about as our Tennessee heritage home is near Fort Donnelson and so she has been exposed a bit anyway . So today I think I will have her begin reading her Magic Tree House books out of order so she is better prepared for the Magic House display . I need to decide if we are going to attend the other museum program on Monday or not . Their baby brother will be born on Wednesday , his due date is actually 12 / 3 / 11 but he has been a challenge and it is time for him to stop . F has had her birthday and enjoying a new swing set that many tossed in their cash to make it possible . She has been a classroom challenge lately and I am thinking it has more to do with the baby coming than her core . We has slowed down her phonics a bit as she knows it for the moment but I do not see it being retained like her basic phonics was . So I am probably going to see her working well into next year with her first grade phonics and language ( remember she just turned 5 ) . I want to see her become a strong speller and reader so we will take it as she can handle it . I love to see her blossom . The other day she made a shopping list and spelled it all herself . Her list included celery which she spelled s - l - r - r - y sure she was far off but I could read it and knew what she wanted . : ) It seems I had so much I wanted to say and since sleep is not in the cards for me I thought I would type out a post but now I discover that my thoughts are rambling On a final note , we are indeed blessed with lots of love and joy in our home . We may struggle for other things from time to time but we are never short of love and encouragement . After what seems like a month long absence from our lesson room we had an uninterrupted week there . Huge accomplishment ! No one was sick and while K remains on bedrest / limited activity we were able to move on with our lessons . I have been experiencing a " difficult " child though . F turned five years old on Halloween . She has been a challenge of wills for a few weeks as it is . Today she did not want to do her math book work and all though she was being a stink about it I did not let on that she was making things hard on me and creating a negative feeling . I took down the balance and bear and the play shapes . Next thing you know I was telling her good thing as I thought she would like to do math with shapes . We worked on halves and wholes as well as names of different shapes and how to create the shape using other shapes . She spent about 40 minutes non - stop playing math . Not like she won 't get to that page . Still the silent worrier in me thinks she is becoming a willful child and I raised one of those all ready . It is a very ugly task to get through that will without breaking the child . I know that some of the change in F is about the new baby coming but it has always been within her . G is really enjoying all her language arts lessons . Reading has been fun . She asked if she could begin to read the bible so I added the book that comes with the curriculum - - they call it the Bible reader . She loves doing her journal . I plan to get her through more self expression before I get firm about her sentence structure . We are nearly through capitalization rules and then will move onto comas . Within the next two weeks I will require better use of the rules of language she is learning . Right now I seek expression and she is doing great . G got a little upset with her math at the end of lesson today but she has been doing really great in math . What a big difference it has been . Our plans for next week will include a morning at the Magic House on Monday but the rest of the week will be typical and I hope to see a lot of progress . We got news this week that their public school has failed and the state is likely to take over . So many people are stopping and asking me about home school or telling me what a great choice we have made . As for baby O , well he is still in and breech . We will meet him in three weeks if he does not come on his own but I will be surprised if K get the natural birth experience she was seeking with this one . All is ready for his arrival ! Tomorrow , Halloween , is F 's 5th birthday . We consider birthdays as holidays and do not have lessons . That will not be the situation this time . The girls agree that we need to skip the holiday and get some real lessons done . Not the KTM program either but get some other work done . They also want to cut our winter break that is planned short and not take a break when baby O arrives . So here I sit thinking about our lessons that need to get done . I know that each time we have a period of time that we slow down it is hard to get moving in the right direction again . This time we had to halt so I hope they settle into getting some work completed and some traditional lessons done . Of course , life lessons keep moving along even during a work stoppage . I have lots of great seasonal craft ideas but am afraid we will not get to them as I want to get further along in our lesson plans . Today we will bring in another rescue Great Dane into our home . We plan to keep him but he has some serious behavior issues and may not be adoptable to others . It is my hope that I am able to turn this Dane around . I have not found one yet that I cannot return to his greatest majestic stature . Yes , I am a Dane lover and would not want any other breed . This is a male and I generally do not own male dogs . I am talking to God for guidance on this matter . He will be a great little brother for my young girl Allie . Allie is the nearly perfect Dane so he will have a good teacher . When I planned out the school year we took a bit of a break around the expected time of baby O . Well this week for F has been a sick week and now G is ill . Looks like I will once again adjust the plan . Seems I am always re - planning something . Yes indeed it was a great day ! G moaned and groaned about math when she got on in the recliner with me . Yep , math in the recliner yesterday . Then she opened the book and to her surprise she did her warm up lesson without a single issue . She was completed in record time and all correctly done . I said , " wow , seems you have been learning something after all " she tucked her head into me with a huge smile and clearly was proud of her work . We then did some lesson time briefly together and she completed the rest of her lesson page . She did it diligently and without a single tear . She sees that she is learning and likes to know new things . This week F has been absent from class . F has pneumonia and not feeling well at all . Her little eyes plead for relief that only her mommy can provide . K has not been able to leave her side for one moment , which is not difficult as the little stinker Baby O tried his best to come too early so she is on bedrest at home . This week G and I did complete our lessons on wolves and attended a field trip to the Endangered Wolf Center in Eureka , Missouri . We also have been to the library to get the books I ordered in . The past two night we have read about SUE the T - Rex and the entire story about her discovery , the journey to claim her , the auction , the process of preparing her and putting her puzzle pieces together . It was a great story , the book is called - Sue The Colossal Fossil . I still have not gotten the entire time line down great but for now just understanding millions of years is enough . Someone has permitted us to borrow their math rods to see if it helps G to grasp math . I have concluded that for her the rods do not help the matter but confuse it . When I speak with others about her addition and subtraction issues they keep referring me to a MathUSee program . I have reviewed that program before but never felt it was the right fit . So now I am playing with the idea and still do not see how it is going to help her . G does understand the concept just fine but is slow because she does not have them memorized . She is not good at memorization . SHE IS THE LEARNER ! So as we worked with the math rods she even realized that herself . She told me " I get it " " but this is like math for babies " . She let me clearly know that she understands the concept she just does not enjoy it like other subjects and gets frustrated because she does not remember them . It is too boring by her standards to do the same math over and over to get the same answer over and over again . She tells me that she can do the math but it is too time consuming to have to figure the problem out every time . So I know she does understand the concept but also , even G , gets that her memory of these facts ( or the lack of memory ) is slowing her down . So we are moving on ! I know we will eventually develop memory of more facts but I want her to find the fun part of math so I do not want to drag her and hold her in one spot just for lack of memory . OH YES , back to the math rods . She wBethAnne Strong Today we took a hike in our vastly wooded area next door . My neighbor is the Kaskaskia Fish and Wildlife Area . What a good neighbor they are as I have access to a wealth of nature resources to share with the girls . The leaves are perfect , the weather was perfect and so off we were . I had the day off from my job because we did not have enough patients in the ICU . On our hike we found owl pellets that we explored , mussel shells , newly fallen trees that have created a terrific tree house and jungle gym , fresh kill of some feathered critter with some scattered fresh remains , beaver signs , animal tracks , somebody 's deer stand , camouflaged tree frog , and great examples of hitch - hike seeds . I love where we live . Life experiences are great especially when you have curious and eager learners at hand . It was not a school day but the way the girls were into things you sure would think it was . The told me all I would want to know about so many things that my mind is still spinning . Every day is an opportunity to make new memories with them and I am lucky to have made many today . Each girl made me a fall time sensory box today . It is filled with pine cones , pecans , acorns , pine needles , moss , drying leaves that crunch small branches with tiny red berries but they caution me not to eat it . I am so lucky to have such excellent teachers . This is the last rant post I am going to make . K was told yesterday , by a parent who I respect a lot , that her girls are always so happy and friendly . I can 't imagine a better compliment that a parent can get ! G and F are indeed always " so happy " . Disappointment is not easy for either of them as they are very joyful children , yet they take disappointment eventually and move on as they know joy is just around the corner . You may ask how this is a rant post by now . While I attended one break out session at our last coop meeting K attended a different one . She attended a session on discipline . Let me say that how you discipline you child during lesson times is critical to their approach in learning . We so disliked the excessive attention to the red , green , yellow light and the standing along the fence line for five to ten minutes during recess that is is one of our core reasons to leave the public system . Our public system would move a five year old child to yellow for talking in the lunch line . If a small child lifted their bottoms off the lunch table bench to lift and see what their friend across the table had they would be removed to a solitary table . Lunch itself becomes a stressful event . Now back to the discipline session that K attended . I have to first say that there were coop leaders as well as another father who conducted this session . Using the idea that the Christan father is the leader of the home there were not any mothers heading up this panel at all . Since they are " leaders " in the group then there are some who will listen to the material and go right home and decide that they must attempt the methods of discipline and when to use them . It is fortunate the my K is an independent thinker and takes in the information and determines how it best fits their family . The recommended discipline is spanking . That 's right , if your child is disobedient they should be spanked . You tell them no and then if you tell them no again you get off you chair to spank them . If they stop what they were doing when you get up then you must spank them as they were still disobedient . You use a paddle or a wooden spoon . After all , they are disobedient because they are children still carrying the burden of the original sin . Since they are sinful children they must be spanked to stop from being disobedient . So where do I go from here ? I guess I will tackle the sinful child . First off , I understand that we all come from differing religious stances even if we all call ourselves Christians . I understand and accept original sin . I do not accept ANY Christian 's stance that their child is sinful . IF you are following your Christian faith then someplace in time you either bring that child to the alter and wash that sin away or you dedicate to raising your child in a Christian home and teach them about the Word of God ; thus understanding the innocence of a child until an age of accountability and acceptance of the Lord . I cannot ( and will yell it at the rooftops ) tolerate , that 's right , even tolerate a person who thinks their child is sinful . Finally , if Jesus died for our sins then he also washed away original sin . Take your pick but either way there are not sinful children in the world . I will not waste anymore time on this nonsense . Where do I go from here ? Spankings ! I did spank K one time in her life for a huge infraction but not until then . She was thirteen years old . Did she learn how to follow rules without spanking ? Yes ! As a matter of fact , she had a moral conscience at an early age and all she had to do was feel that she disappointed you and she would cry and effectively correct herself . There was a brief period that G needed to sit in the corner as a chair time out was not effective . G rarely gets a time out anymore . F is still getting some time outs but she is younger and not always able to comprehend the problem her behavior created . A child 's neurological system is not completely developed so their ability to understand and reason with a situation varies with their physical development . If you raise a child to understand and reason then your days of needed discipline will be few while your days of providing direction will be many . There is a danger when a group of " leaders " present their view to the struggling young parents in the world . I am thankful that my daughter , the young parent , has a mind of her own and understood the dangers of what she heard . Because my daughter does such a good job , even when she thinks she will pull her hair out , we will get complements about my grandchildren . They are happy ! We hear it often actually , because they are happily loved and treasured as the gift that they are . That is what I feel I have . I am an educated woman capable of reading a law and determining just what that law says . I also know that when we joined HSLDA there were boxes to mark that indicate our understanding of and acceptance of terms . Those terms included but were not limited to keeping records of child 's education progress , to exercise diligence in teaching the children in a responsible way , and to use a thoughtful and intentional program of education to instruct the children . I am in Illinois . I am not required to register my students with the state or our school with the state . The Geralds Learning Academy is a stand alone private school in my state . I have a compulsory attendance law that went into effect when G turned 7 yrs old and I do keep a desk calendar that shows dates of attendance and dates of field trips . We must attend school 176 days per year . I must teach in the English language in my state . I must teach in the branches of education that correspond to the age and grade level they would be in if they were in the public school . Permit me please to break this down . I have the due diligence to know what subjects are being taught in their public school for like grade . Now , if they were in public school and were to be held back then it is reasonable to also assume that I can hold them back if they have not mastered the material . So I could do two years of second grade if it was appropriate . So let me look at what I was told last night . When she reaches sixth grade then it is OK that she is only performing second grade level math . I am more than willing to say that one cannot expect more than a child is capable to do . However , should I consider my student a sixth grader if they did not meet the basic knowledge of information with at least an 80 % comprehension of a third grader ? If they are doing third grade math and sixth grade language then yes , we now have a special math program for that child . If they are doing third grade level work in all subjects then we do not have a sixth grader , regardless of age , we have a third grader - period . BUT to not have goals of achievement is nonsense . Use a thoughtful and intentional program of education to instruct the children . You are not planning out and giving thought to each aspect of your daily life . You may be living an intentional life to the best of your ability but that does not meet this term . Therefore , I submit my conclusion that one cannot take a day at random and play Yahtzee and call it math . Sure it is a great game to reinforce but it will not teach math . Yes , you can cut you pizza up at dinner and find a practical application for your intentional teaching but it is an enrichment activity and not your math lesson . This idea that so many have about the freedom of Illinois law really should look at that freedom and respect it or it will be lost . I am not saying you have to have a workbook lesson everyday but you should have an evaluation process that will display the learning progress of your child . You cannot do hands on science every day without keeping samples and photos of the project . As homeschoolers everything we do is an education process so we teach 365 days per year . Nonsense ! ! ! ! Other parents who do not home school are also teachers to their children . Does that mean that they can take the time from the public school and declare it as education . This is by far the most disturbing comment I get from the hard - core HS group . Go back to the HSLDA terms and I believe it will guide one using common sense . Use a thoughtful and intentional program of education to instruct the children . My conclusion is that Illinois does have laws that clearly direct me to what needs to be done but I have the freedom to choose how to do it . I believe I have made myself clear . I do not expect you to agree but at least read it with an open mind . WHY can 't a person do school at home and also be homeschooling ? WHY can 't others realize that there is no one fit ? I find myself tonight justifying ONCE again the methods that we use to teach . All in all my grandchildren are learning and they enjoy the process . Sure we have a tough day from time to time , like a few days ago when I took F out of the room and " suspended " her . WHO THE HECK DOESN ' T ? I took this one as a request from my daughter and her spouse . I felt called to do it , honestly a calling by my creator to do something that was more than just me . I had the same feeling when I decided to be a nurse . DO NOT get me wrong , I became a nurse to assure that I could provide for my family , because I learned it easily , and so I would never find myself stuck in a situation that I felt I could not get out of . Even with those motivators I felt the calling from my creator then too . So tonight we have break sessions at our coop meeting and I went to the one that was to tell about ideas and tips to homeschool with toddlers present and what you child needs to learn in elementary school . I got some great ideas for when the new baby becomes a toddler and can even see them being useful now for the current kiddos to have quality busy time when the other needs some extra attention in a lesson . But what I got about what my student needs to learn in elementary school is not a satisfying response . The answer is - - what ever she is able to do - - NO NO NO . I do not accept this response . No matter what you want to say it is an undeniable fact that live can change in an instant . Perhaps the picture perfect life that so many see blinds them to this possibility . WHAT IF YOUR CHILD HAD TO GO BACK TO PUBLIC SCHOOL NEXT WEEK ? WHAT if your family has a life altering experience ? GET real with yourselves people ! I have special insight on this . I deal every day with life threatening illness and know how it can change . I have been on the brink of death on more than one occasion . I tend to clients facing the same thing every weekend . I see how it impacts a family and how unprepared they are for the change they are facing . Maybe it is a permanent change or a temporary change . Either way , they are caught unaware and unprepared . NOT ME ! NOT US ! You cannot go through life with rose colored glasses on and think that your children will never be expected conform to the rest of society . Today you walk , talk and take advantage of the blessing you are given . Are you prepared for the possibility that it could crumble tonight ? Then I heard the word , " enabling " as well . Enable ? Yes , I enable ! I enable my grandchildren to feel my love each day that I am present in their life . That , by the way , is not every day of their lives . Yes , I enable my daughter to have better quality of time with her children by teaching the other one while she is occupied . Yes , I enable the girls to choose their KTM project and do the research to make it happen . Am I enabling my daughter by teaching her children . YOU BETCHA ! I enable all my family to the best of my ability . I enable them to develop when they were children into adults . Does mothering have to stop . I do not pay their bills , clean their clothes , buy their clothes , buy them beer , supply them with drugs , make excuses for their poor choices that are made from time to time , patch up their family spats , tell them what I would do if I were them ( that one really gets them irritated as they want to know what I would do from time to time ) or make their curriculum choices for them . I do not have to agree with them but I will honor their wishes in how the core subjects are taught as these are not my children . I enable my family to be part of one whole extended family . So now I know how this particular person feels and being a leader of sorts I know the truth about how many of her kind feel as well . Talk about feeling a total lack of respect ! The woman in me wants to strike back and say - - - what 's wrong , are you jealous of the wonderful relationship that my daughter and I have - - - but I know that would be a petty and useless response . So the educated person in me will realize that I am comfortable where I am at . I know what God calls me to do and I always have responded when I felt a call , even if it was good for some and not particularly me . The calm professional inside of me will understand human behavior from not only a biblical standpoint but from the well trained and research that teaches us about human responses and psychological effects . I know that I can only ask my student to perform to their best abilityI suppose the real issue is that the " others " feel the need for others to confrom to their standards . At least that is how it feels and I feel attacked . NUFF Said ! As it turns out , I made a good choice to keep F out of lesson time when she became totally unruly . The next day she did her lessons with serious effort and enjoyed the day as well . So just what is happening in our lesson time these days ? G is advancing in he knowledge of our language . Her writing skills improve each day and we are at capitalization rule number 5 . Seems she likes the structure of each rule gradually being introduced . He spelling in naturally improving as well . Math has not been tears for three days in a row . She really seems to enjoy our classroom money and we are going deeper into how to count your money . Yesterday she got a huge pile of coins and first separated them and learned to count coins by beginning with your largest value coin . She has great reading comprehension for the short stories in her book but also for a timed reading lesson . It is funny that she has added on an extra class to her routine . She does not have a phonics lesson now but a little review from time to time . Well , she got a book as a gift that is too easy for her but does take thought to complete . It is a great review for her and she has begun each day with that book on her own . If she wants to take on more why not let her but it is a real confidence booster for her . F is doing well but still that drag it out reader . I like that she blends her words but dislike that she blends every single word before she reads it . I think she would enjoy reading if she would just let loose and let it flow . Her phonics are newer concepts and I think I will need to slow down as they are becoming so many special sounds that it is beginning to clutter in her thoughts . I will probably spend more days on each sound for a while . Yesterday she kept getting confused with TH , SH , and could not think it through when it was at the end of the word . I am not concerned about when she completes first grade . I thought it would take two years for Kindergarten but maybe this will be the grade that she settles for a bit and gets closer to her real age level . Her math skills are better than G so we will move on . I just hope that she does not pass G in math level as I know that will be hard for G to take . I am seeing more and more age level actions in F . I think I need to bring down my methods a notch as she wants the " baby " and fun preschool type of stuff too . I ordered a Blueberries for Sal from the library and will do the FIAR lessons to go along with that book . We got a few little fall time crafts to do which will be on the agenda for today . I disliked the lessons in the book for nutrition and got a book called The Monster Health Book : A Guide to Eating Healthy , Being Active & Feeling Great for Monsters & Kids ! and it will be a great fun book for years to come . It covers lots of impotant nutrition and eating habits material in a fun manner . Tonight is our coop meeting and the 4H club has arranged for a group of reptile handlers to be there to discuss the animals . Girls are looking forward to this but G has a girl scout meeting . Her scouts only meet every other week and it really makes it hard to feel like a group that way . G wants to go to the coop meeting so K will let her make her choice . The SCCCHE coop also has a family night next weekend that will include hayrides and bonfires . Sounds like a great night ! Well , off to make my oatmeal and get my day flowing . Have a blessed day to any and all who read my blog . I do not know what else to call it but F kept on whining about everything she did . She got up and down and wandered which I did not care about but then she was constantly interrupting what was going on with G . I discussed how rude that was and gave kind encouragement words as her project was 85 % completed and was done well . Then I had time that we were all dealing with time and money . She began hopping jumping from recliner to recliner and getting loud . So I took her out of the lesson room and said to her that her disrespect of other will not be tolerated . I let her know that learning at home is a privilege and she had run out of opportunities . I had corrected her at least 20 times in an hour . So out she went . I took her upstairs and she got busy doing things to help mommy instead . I was taking on lesson alone yesterday as K had millions of task that needed to get completed . As the day was completing she begged to come back and as hard as it was I did not permit her to . That was a difficult thing for me to do , however , had I taken her back into the lesson room it would have extended my day by another hour and a half as we were finishing our last item . I sure hope today goes better . F has been a bit difficult lately , baby is coming in five weeks and lots going on with preparations . G is really making progress in her writing and spelling , she has found it enjoyable to create her own story . Math has not had a lot of tears but inside I cry every time as she take soooo long and drags it out . I have to find a way to cut the time of math or we will both burn that book soon . I may ask her if she wants to split the class , do some in lesson time and then have homework in the evening . So I have always used the first initial to protect the girls on the Internet . Their mother tells me that this is not necessary and to share who they are . Still I have not done it . UNTIL NOW . WHY ? Grace made a picture I had to share and it has her name clearly written on it . We took a field trip to a vet clinic this morning . Grace always says she will be a vet when she grows up . After the trip she has created an elaborate clinic in my bedroom . Found items suitable to be used in daily vet use and attire . Then she sat back on the bed and made a picture to illustrate her day . Here it is . So , yesterday I had g sit in my lap as we did math . It eased her tension right away and overall she did well . The concept is hard for her but we did not have any tears and I promised her that I would give her all the time she needed and not be pushy or get frustrated as well . I do not know if this is healthy to do in my lap math but I need her to feel comfortable about math . Today we will return to our lesson room because we have been doing class in the camper all week . They really have enjoyed it . We had the field trip on Monday and the girls stayed the night with me as K had an OB appointment early Tuesday . Then again K had an appointment for a business matter on Wednesday so we did lessons later in the day at my house , which is where the camper is located . This morning I will pack it up and carry it back to their home . We have several test to be completed today . I do not like to have more than one test per day but K had not brought that material here . Since there are several test to be completed I will not do lessons in those subjects today . Generally we still do lessons after the test but I hate that they have so many testing in one day . It will make for a shortened day so I will try to spend extra time on the other subjects and get some quality to them . I must say that I am not thrilled with the ABEKA health , science or social studies . I think they are capable of so much more and each subject should be more exciting than they make it . I always find ways to supplement the material . The fall colors are beginning to show and I do believe it is time for a walk in the woods . I would much rather use the season to better explain photosynthesis , which of course is not even mentioned in the material . I know at some point it will be mentioned but they are so VERY curious now . Tomorrow we are taking a visit to a veterinarian office , G is looking forward to this trip . F has really come a long way in her reading this week . As long as it is not in a reading book she does not moan about it . The language book of course has many sentences to read and I see progress in her ability to blend quickly and read faster ( not fast but no snail slow ) . There is a retreat this week in Chicago so our Lyceum is cancelled which permits us to get together with another local group of homeschoolers to go to the vet office . I do not know them but we must venture out beyond our little group from time to time . K did get a confirmed induction date for baby O . I am not thrilled as she is to be induced in order to control her delivery time in association with her blood thinners . Her perinatologist wants 11 / 21 but her primary OB wants 11 / 30 . He does not want to risk being too close to Thanksgiving Holiday . I am concerned that she will go before then and we risk not being in control of all risk factors then . I also do not want her to risk being in labor on a weekend as I must be at my job . Overall , it is not in any of our hands and God will do as He plans . She is eating well and baby O is growing well but she has only gained 7 pounds and she is 31 wks gestation . It seems she will weigh less after delivery than she did when this began . Off to dishes I go then off to lessons . TTFN Yesterday was Magic House Monday and the girls enjoyed the experience as always . We met a new family last week that homeschools and went apple picking . That was a huge success . The family has girls of similar age and everyone got along terrific . I see future gatherings with this crew . We got back into the classroom and got some traditional lessons again . We went to the Dolphin Tales movie with our SCCCHE co - op . F is still a sound it out slow reader but is reading . She does very very good at her phonic testing . G is still frustrated with math but is very capable , thinking of taking her to Sylvan to evaluate this process for us and maybe get her some help and build her confidence . So that is how things are here in a nutshell and gotta run again . Now is the time for me to reflect on how the process is going so far . Are the girls learning ? Am I enjoying teaching ? Are they getting the correct instruction needed for their age and abilities ? The answer to the first two questions ( or interrogatory sentences ) is that they are learning and I am enjoying this . The last one is a bit more difficult to respond to . If I was to answer it based on our desire to keep them up to date with current instruction that they would get at school then they are not meeting that goal . If I answered it from the " other " type of homeschooler then yes they are getting what they need . It has been a whirl - wind week . We have not been in the classroom for one week . We were at two field trips , one Lyceum day , one Kitchen Table Monday and suddenly we have not had a traditional lesson in one week . I really feel sorry for them tomorrow when we return to our classroom but I hope it also a motivator for them I hope to show them how much we have done to give the the extra things they want and use that as a catalyst to work diligently so we can plan other days and weeks like this past one . Yesterday as generally a big success as we finished up the unit study about the rain forest . G worked on it for a long time while F demonstrated her physical age rather than her typical approach to these things . She will gradually color her pages to the book they made over the next several days as I know she wants it to be nicely done but the 4 year old in her directed her differently . Otherwise , she participated in the activity to day and watched the movie Dolphin Tale without issue . Actually , a theatre full of homeschoolers , which means lots of children yet we did not experience the typical child interruption that generally takes place in children films . It is an amazing story and we all enjoyed it . K had to see her high risk OB so we took along a family friend it was enjoyable for her as well . Our rain forest , ( see back about three posts ) is doing well and it was a fun unit . There is so much more to learn but we must stop at a point that is right for them . We will of course readdress the rain forest in the future . G completed a project in her scrapbook class and is ready to begin the next one . She has decided to make it a book of pets and animals she has contact with or has had in the past . I need to hunt down the photos to print for her . She enjoys telling stories like this . Our Pizza Hut Book It materials came and we will begin coloring in a nice calendar I found on their web site to keep track of the extra reading they do . Yesterday was a library day and F really is enjoying her efforts to read books . G has read her books several times and enjoys it each time . Back to my review of our progress . I am tossed . I know we learned new things , that we enjoyed it and that goals were met . I know that we must push on to the traditional subject matter , after all , even though our laws are few in our state that does not provide me reason to ignore the material they need to learn and learn it now while they are young and it comes easier . Well , Bob had another new vision at an old concrete company and was killed today in a bulldozer accident . I did not know him personally but did run into him at the museum and his dog during lunch last Febuary . He was personable and one could not help but to realize he had found his purpose on earth . Those who work at the museum have always been joyful and I am sure it begins with Bob and makes it way through his creation . I have not yet won any give - aways that have been on other blogger sites and my site is not an income site by any means . I am amazed at the mothers who blog and add printables to their sites . They clearly have a better understanding of blogs and their gadgets than I do . Here is another freebie I hope to get so not sure why I am telling you about it . There are so many wonderful resources out there to help teach . I could not imagine this years ago but now there no reason not to educate your children at home . Just a hop , skip and a jump across the historic Eads Bridge is an old warehouse . This warehouse became the vision of one man and has turned into a profitable work of art . Bob saw the beauty in an old warehouse , in a part of the downtown city that really needed and has been getting a face lift . I do not know anything about this Bob except that he is a talented man with his creations . He takes old junk and turns it into creative and living art . In the process he has created a fun place for children to play and to be touched by art in a way that is unique . If you ever take a vacation to the area it is an entire day event for the family but I do suggest you take the day and participate . The St . Louis City Museum has a web page of course to tell you more about it . It consist largely of repurposed architectural and industrial objects , housed in the former International Shoe building in the Washington Avenue Loft District . The best description of the City Museum is found on Wikipedia as it has a floor by floor description of what is available . Wikipedia link will tell you more . One of our friends needed us to take her oldest daughter because one was sick at home . It turned out to enhance the experience because it created a play friend for G and F rather than the two of them playing all day together AGAIN . We have been so busy at the beginning of our school year that we really need to buckle down and get some academic learning going as well but that will have to wait a while as we have a busy week planned for next week too . It would be too much to take in if I put up too many phot s . As a home school the museum has created days this year that are a huge savings compared to the general admission pri e . It is amazing how the home school craze is being recognized by local businesses and museu Yes indeed , that was the headline for today . It seems that a kindergarten student brought in their mother 's crack pipe for show and tell . I know little ones find ways to carry lots of trinkets in their pockets . When G goes someplace it is often like a pat down to see what contraband she has on her , but that is generally in search of tiny dinosaurs or Polly pockets that do not need to be present . One more very valid reason to teach your children at home and hold them close to your values . I cannot even imagine how many children played with that thing before it came out in class for show and tell . I would hate to hear what the child could tell about it as well . This has been a busy yet productive week . The girls are really looking forward to another Kitchen Table Monday but I find that it adds to my planning process . Coming up will be taking a large old fish tank and getting it cleaned up so we can make a Rain Forest . Just one more item I came across from the enchantedlearning . com site . I still need to get the plant for it which do not seem available to me locally so we will make a trip toward Belleville but probably end up at the Missouri Botanical Garden shop in St . Louis . It should be a fun project for them complete . Friday was our second enrichment day and it went very well . My class sizes are not too large and it seems we get a lot accomplished . Additionally , I have only one distracter in each class which is so much better than last year . My helpers are indeed helpful and I think I am doing too little to help out some times . The children think I am a bit weird as I try to get them to act out the story but they cannot seem to do so without feeling uncomfortable . One boy even told me that I was too crazy and he just cannot do that . G is enjoying her class in tumbling probably more than ballet and loves her other classes of scrapbooking and read a book make a craft . I have to find other pictures as she will have her first project completed nest week . F tells me " I just love Five In A Row " . She was very proud to mark the location of Ohio on the large map in the room this week as well . She first found Illinois then point and said Indiana , Ohio . " There it is , just to the East of Indiana that is next to our state Illinois . " ( show off ) . She enjoys the social aspect that goes along with tumbling , as there is wait time while each child does their trick . This year the tumbling class has a mother who is also a tumbling instructor so they are double blessed . The last class of the day is Solar System and K stays in that room to help . F is first grade but young which means she barely makes it as a class participant , for that reason K thought she would be present . She is glad she did , yes F needs a bit more help with some things and we learned that just because she was doing well cutting we need to be better about adding that into her class plan as it is apparently a lost skill . That class is large , it is at the end of the day so for a home school student who does not spend a long day at home we find this is a stressor at the end of the day . G does well although she had five class times all together and has to wake at 0645 and hit the road with me by 0730 , then she is several class times until 1430 with a 30 minute lunch break . There are likely a few others who are in the same boat but begin at 0830 . Well my point is that this class has many girls who are disrupters . During the first week that was bad for the room but this week G ended up sitting next to one who had brought toys to class . So now K will be choosing G 's seat in the future . I plan to send an email to the leadership crew and discussing the toy issue in the classroom . This week began our second year in the 4H Cloverbud program . I expect it to be a great experience as long as G can hold on thaAt the end of the week K will have a 3D ultrasound completed . Should be interesting to see if baby O looks anything like his pictures . Well , I think I will head to get some charcoal and plants for out rain forest . " till next time That question has no answer as there is never a good time to introduce such a terrible subject ; but with all the information that was out there as we reached the 10th anniversary it seemed to be a good time to find a gentle approach . After all , Hunter is a dear family friend and K 's best friend and he has been off at war . The girls have been taking care of his dog while he had to go fight the war . Hunter is a Marine . So I did some searching and found two books I would use . Both books are written for 4 - 8 year old . One book I could not get from out local library system but this one came in right away . It is a wonderful true story and we chose it because it is something the girls can relate to simply because being a firefighter in their local community is an important thing to their father . They are that typical " firefighter family " . It permits an introduction that something terrible happened when the planes went into the twin towers but is more a story about the retired fireboat that pumped water to the firetrucks when the waterlines failed as the towers fell . It is a terrific story . I had to convince G that it was a true story as she could not imagine the events to be real . We did explain that it is because of the attack that Hunter is off fighting a war . I would recommend that this story book can be used anytime and not just in September . Read it first as I did before to your children as there is that single moment in the book that I choked . It begins very light hearted as it tells of the events of the year the John J Harvey was built . The other book I am waiting on is call The Little Chapel that Stood . I heard about it from another home school mom and the reviews look promising . It will take a few weeks to get it to me which will be nice as it is not necessary to give the young ones too much worry . It too is written for 4 - 8 year old . Today I was lead to an article about the success of homeschooling . It came from Concordia University and another institution that I cannot recall at this time . The point that it made was that a homeschooler who was taught in a structured program scored better than their peers in the brick and mortar schools . That is not a shock but it was a huge relieve to me to read this study and see also a comparison to the unschooling approach to education . We are very flexible and toss in lots of interesting extras that the girls want to learn but we are also traditional . I tend to justify this to other home school parents when I meet them . The fact that we have a lesson room and a very specific curriculum that we follow nearly to the letter making adjustments as appropriate for each child . I make sure to tell them that I have a chronic illness and that our family knows all too well how life can suddenly make a change . that we want the girls to be able to more easily step into a regular classroom in circumstances require it . I do not tell them that this is our preferred way of teaching and seems to be ther preferred way to the girls as well . If we get too off the strucutre they seem to seek it . I always feel judged by teaching in an old fashion manner . The study further identified the unschooled approach scores and they were lower than the public school students in all seven areas of testing . On the other hand the strucutred homeschool student was 2 . 2yrs ahead in reading / language skills and scored 0 . 5yr higher in math . Of course , this is an average and we will all know that exceptional student that the statistics will not accurately apply to . Still , I find comfort in knowing that I can finally rest easy and not feel compelled to justify my methods to others who are more relaxed than us . Now , as I type this I must tell you that we did decide to change up our structure a little . It seems that the girls want to do some lapbook and additional studies but we just loose our zest at the end of the day when we finally complete our lessons . On Mondays I am very very tired and my feet hurt so bad from working my two twelve hour shifts that it is hard for me to get down the stairs and stand in the room to teach . So today we did what we are going to coin as " Kitchen Table Monday " . It will be the day that we review any of the work that our Lyceum needs to have completed . It will be the day that we learn from special items I get , such as the rainforest books and printouts that I came with today . It will be a day that scissors will be used , glue and colored pencils . Today we used several items from http : / / www . enchantedlearning . com / . It has been one of the best $ 20 I have ever spent . Next week we will make a rainforest in an aquarium during Kitchen Table Monday . They enjoyed coloring the Morpho Butterfly today and making a Rainforest Animal Wheel . G had some work as did F from Lyceum and it permitted time to do this . As it turned out , G spend a few hours of uninterupted independent work to get her project completed and loved it . I did manage to feel rather exhausted by the end of the day . I would like to think that it is my age but all the parents looked a bit whipped at the close of the day . I am going to be brutally honest in this post . Our co - op is called St . Clair County Christian Home Educators ( SCCCHE ) and I know that last year there wer a little more than 180 families . I heard it said that we no are around 200 families strong , and as our leadership team clearly states , we have 3 - 8 kiddos on the average per family . There are parents who have been educating at home for over 20 years . I cannot imagine how difficult it woulld be to do this 20 years ago . We also have an enrichment program called Master 's Lyceum and there are 143 families registered to participate this semester as of 9 / 1 / 11 . Lyceum is an enrichment opportunty that I feel is like no other . Of course , I do not have others to compare but it is a blessing to be connected with this group . This year there are 79 classes offered plus a group PE . We use two floors of their classroom section and they have a huge classroom section . Some classes are very artsy crafty , some are logical and thought provoking , some are direct learning of a particular subject , some chalenge our bodies to bend and flex . The leadership team is very clear that this should enhance what we are teaching in our homes and should never be in place of what we teach at home . Julie , our rock , makes it cleat that " we are not a school , we do not aspire to be a school , we come beside you as you teach you child " . ( oh her voice is so firm but soft and sweet when she says this ) . I have two classes I lead this semester but the subject is the same . We do a lapbook all around the book Curious George Rides A Bike . At the end of the ten weeks they will learn about the story sequence , ordinal numbers , general information about monkeys , ostriches and have an opportunity to recreate the story as a group play . I have Curious George party face mask that we put on when we are feeling curious about something . I identify that George is a monkey and point out as the story goes along the opportunity that presents itself and how George could have made better choices . After all , this was written in 1952 and nobody gave second thought to George hopping into a truck with strangers . We will weigh and measure each child and compare height and weight and we will create classification cards as well as we separate items with one , two , three and four wheels . It always amazes me that so much can be done from one simple storybook that children love to read and hear . G enjoyed her first tumbling class very much . She has seen her girl scout friends doing cartwheels and such so of course she wants to be able to do this too . She was full of energy and tried it all . Her second class is a beginning scrapbook class . - - off topie - - why did they have issue in the same class . . . they are next to each other every day when we have lesson time . . . one faces one wall and the other faces the opposite wall . . . there elbows nearly touch as we put the desk in the middle of the entire room - - - back on topic - - - Following ballet G went to group P . E . and then joined K and I for a picnic lunch . During the next hour of class , G was in a book called " Read a book , Make a craft " then to a class about the Solar System . At the end of the day , when she is beginning to drag she finally reaches a class with an academic nature . She enjoyed her day very much but it is long as she has five classes . Next is F , who enjoyed her first experience with FIAR . She has outgrown the Learning Centers time and this was a natural progression for her . Then there was the famous ballet class as discusse above , followed by P . E . and picnic lunch . After lunch F was in tumbling and then Solar System . They did well in Solar System class but K was there to help out in that class . F was not as tired although she did have to get up just as early . Nope , not true as she was still asleep and K was helping G to get ready when I arrived at their house so maybe those extra 15 minutes made the difference . So what about the brutaully honest part of this post ? Here it goes ! Homeschoolers have certain stereotypes that we face . Well folks , the reason that stereotypes exist is because the NORMAL people blend in so well that no one can tell we homeschool . It is the extreme one that stand out in the crowd and prompts others to look and observe what is going on . With 143 families I am certain to run into some . Now let me say before I say . . . that . . . . I appreciate the individual wonder of every family God has created , that I do NOT live in a glass house so I am not trying to toss stones . . . BUT . . . . . . BUT If you have a child who has serious medical needs that you must attend to and you do not have the time to pick up your child from his class as you must keep the sick child away from others . PERHAPS you should not participate or find another family that is willing to take on the responsibility of your children . If you have a child with a learning disability then you should participate in the class with your child as I am only a grandparent or parent and I am not educated in the special teaching methods for your child . OH and do not wait until after the first class to tell me that your child has a learning disability . IF you tell someone you will help in a busy class that has lots of cutting and glue then you should show up and stay for the entire class . If your child does not learn to contain his wildness or learn to accept accountability then you should keep him in the walls of your home as you are harming the future view of homeschoolers and ultimately harming the future of homeschool . I feel like I am making up a bunch of " red neck " jokes . Seriously though , some parents just do not have a handle on managing their child in public yet it really is not the child . It is the adult . Adults that make poor choices and their choice effects other people . They must have a headache every night unless God has shielded them from that possibility . I wonder how some manage to get from home to church when they cannot read a map of a building and understand that 203 means it is on the second floor while 309 is on the third floor . Back to the kiddos and families that do not drag the homeschool community into the lime - light . It is amazing that these children make it through the hallways in a somewhat orderly fashion and no one breaks out in a fight or pushes others out of the way . I know that in the next two weeks almost all the children , even the four year olds will be able to move from room to room with east . BTW the doors have monitors and no one leaves without the proper adult or enters without the proper ID . No one walks a hall without a name tag , and trust me if Julie finds a person without a name tag she has the perfect solution and is not afraid to initiate operation name tag sheriff to the offender . So today will be the first day of group classes . We will do this every Friday for ten weeks . G and F will participate in several learning opportunities and gather with others while I will monitor two classes to promote good behavior and teach two classes . I want to take a moment to tell all about it and how it went . I know I will be too exhausted to write in the blog at the end of the day and of course I work my job on Saturdays and Sundays . We got to bed later than desired the night before so I woke very tired and needing to prepare our sandwiches for the day as I generously offered to help . I began this blog then at 0550 to tell you now while I am at my most rested point . Guess what , this does not work ! ! ! ( haha ) You cannot blog about an event before you are exhausted by the event ; but wouldn 't it be nice to have a crystal ball sometimes ? SO off to the showers with me so that I am at the girls home in one hour . I was reading another blog I follow and it suddenly came to me . Why am I taking the traditional summer break ? It really makes not sense at all . I know I do not want to do year round school although it seems G has forgotten a lot of math ( of course ) . But what I mean to say is that if I love the Fall time so much and there is so much we can be outside and doing all day long then why do we break at summer . After all , I could swim in the morning when temperature is hot but the sun in not blazing down on us . That is rather important as I wear a big floppy hat to protect myself from the sun due to medications and the effect of the sun on my skin . We could then come in for lunch , and spend the afternoon , in the heat of the day , within cold air conditioned climate control setting . This makes so much more sense to me . We could play in the park , ride our bikes in the middle of the day , hike the trails without DEET applied really take advantage of the best time of the year . Years ago students were taken from school to harvest and did not attend school in the summer months as it was just too hot " in the olden days " to have school in the summer . When I attended school , even my children the air conditioned rooms were the office . Gradually the schools that my children attended got central air but even now some classrooms do not have that luxury . So of course the summer vacation had to happen . I do believe I will discuss this possibility with K and see if we can change our routine a bit . Maybe a late Summer and early Fall break would be a good thing for us . I know most of you are feeling it too . The air is crisp and the windows are opening . Tomorrow we will attend another trip to see the rest of the Missouri Botanical Gardens as G needs more photos to make her scrapbook with . We will also begin our Master 's Lyceum on Friday . I have been trying to put together the planned art project for the week but so far it has failed me . I think I may have to reschedule this one and come up with some other idea . I cleaned the classroom on Friday when we were finished so I am looking forward to beginning our second week of school with an up kept room . I have lots to do with my lesson plans as I prepared them way to far in advance . We are too flexible for such structure . I will need to bring home some books and redo some things for the next seven days . I hope to find that the program I downloaded will run on K 's laptop , if not she will need to bring it here and download it as it will be so much easier that way . She does not see an Internet at her home anytime soon . They can come use this one when the need to . I am a grandmother who has the opportunity to home - school several of her grandchildren . I continue to work on weekends as a nurse in a local ICU and generally love doing it . I keep a blog about the home - school experience .
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Bacon and Eggs I learned a long time ago , while working at a popular breakfast spot , Stop stressing . . . Its just Bacon and Eggs . . . How bad can you mess that up ? I have to say I am pretty impressed what this lady has to say . Could we possibly have a REAL candidate for the Texas Governor 's office ? Take just a few minutes to listen and see what you think . . . You might be surprised ! There are alot of predictions about things spiraling out of control in our not to distant future . I happen to believe that S will HTF . None of us know exactly when or exactly how it will happen . Too many variables to be able to do so . But I DO believe it will happen . They think I 'm nuts of course . And you know what . . . I have come to be ok with that . . . . I once felt compelled to try and make them see what was going on right in front of them . I don 't feel compelled anymore . That might sound mean or selfish to some . Maybe it is . The truth is , I just don 't feel I have the time or patience anymore to try to open the eyes of those who refuse to see what is going on around them . If they cant see it by now , they probably never will . And even if they do , will it be to late ? On the other hand , when IS to late ? Was I to late ? I worry about that sometimes . That I didn 't start early enough . That it took me too long to see what was going on in our country and around the world . So rather than wasting my time beating my head against a brick wall , I 've come to realize that my time is better spent in other ways . Why should I expend anymore energy trying ? My energy has had to become more focused . To be better spent making up for the lost time that it took me to open my eyes . I tell people all the time . . . . I don 't want to be " right " as to our future and the future of this country . I want to be wrong . I think all of us would like to be wrong about this . I 'm just not silly enough to believe that . As for knowing when the S will HTF . . . . who knows ! All I can say is that every day that we are granted to work with is one more day to prepare ourselves and our loved ones for our futures . Each and every day as a blessing . I found this pretty interesting and thought some of you might as well . I was especially interested in the information on Agenda 21 . HR 146 of 2009 was passed on March 30 , 2009 . Posted by I picked what looks like the last of the blackeyed peas this morning . I 'm just guessing , but I think we have put up around 4 gallon baggies this year . ( one of those things I need to get around to is get the freezer inventoried ) We also put up 2 quarts of dried peas and about 2 pints of seed peas for next year . Not a bad season for them at all ! I got another dozen eggs dehydrated and put them up this morning . I also have the dehydrator going with a tray of okra , a couple of bell peppers , two trays of yellow squash , and two trays of carrots . I 'm pretty sure that 's the last of the summer squash . Forty quarts canned , tons dehydrated , and untold amounts eaten all summer . Its been a great run I tell ya ! I have some of my " bakery buckets " cleaned out and will be putting up some of the things that need to be transferred from their original packages . Another thing I have been putting off . I was thinking about a comment a friend left yesterday . Actually , I 've been thinking about it since they first started cutting back hours at work . I think I will use the time off to get some much needed work done around the house . I have all sorts of things that could use my attention . Things I just haven 't seemed to quite get to . Not that we couldn 't use the money lost , but I am feeling a real need lately to get our " house " in order . So much so that I wake up thinking about things still left undone . Well the last few days have been interesting . And not all in a good way . My computer crashed and crashed hard . Many thanks to DH for all the time he spent working on it . Things that should have been backed up weren 't . I 've lost over a years worth of my pictures . Oh well , live and learn . I guarantee that I will be much more careful in doing my backups from here forward . At least it is up and running again , as there is no way we could afford to replace it at this time . There are some serious cutbacks going on at work . One thing that bothers me is that the General Manager will not lay anyone off . He doesn 't want to have to pay the unemployment . Everyone 's hours are being cut . The people that are pretty much just warm bodies he has cut from maybe 30 hours a week down to 20 then the next week down to 12 . He 's trying to get them to quit . I am hoping once some of the " dead " weight is gone my hours will go back up . I AM down to 32 hours a week now . Heck it was hard enough to get by on 40 . Another victim of the " economic recovery " . I 've been looking for another part time job to take up the slack but I 've not been seriously looking ya know ? Two applications doesn 't constitute a real job search ! Posted by Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ! Several months ago , we were able to obtain a 91 Dodge 3 / 4 ton diesel with a Cummins motor . The owner bought the truck with 17k miles on it . From that point until he parked the truck in 2002 he kept detailed records . Every thing that he ever did to the truck is in the paperwork , even down to fuses replaced ! There is also a notebook for his fuel usage ( even how much the fuel was per gallon ) A really sweet deal ! I did a post awhile back about it . He lived here in the RV Park for years and the DH worked with him . Well , Glen decided it was time to move back to his homestate of Montana and he put the truck up for sale . DH worked out a deal with him to purchase the truck . Trust me when I tell you that there was some serious bartering involved ! He made a super sweet deal on a great truck . DH has always worried that we had no vehicle to tow our trailer with . No more worries now ! It has a fifth wheel hitch , electric brakes , and air suspension ! There were some minor things that had to be done to the truck to get it legal . I think we have put another 500 hundred bucks in it . All money well spent to be sure . Sure there are some little things that need to be done but they are just that . Little things . But we are now legally on the road and I 'm doing a Happy Dance ! Posted by I started out with good intentions today . I was all set to dehydrate potato 's . I peeled potato 's , sliced them up , and started to blanch them . Then the phone rang . I guess we are having mashed potato 's for dinner tonight ! LOL Stuff happens , right ? I 'm trying my hand at making apple butter today as well . Apples are on sale at our local grocery for $ . 99 lb . I don 't have much fruit or sweet stuff in our food storage and I am trying to focus on building that up . That and the fact that it sounds so simple to do is another plus . If it works out I am going to be doing some more this week . I hardly ever do " projects " unless the ingredients are on sale . I did the same with the strawberry jam a few weeks back . They were $ 1 . 78 a lb so I picked up several pounds over the course of two weeks and put up 28 jars of jam . Another great deal this week is in the meat department . $ 1 . 00 a pound whole pork loin and $ 1 . 00 lb chicken breasts . I picked up a nice looking 9 . 5 lb pork loin and cut it into pork loin chops . They now reside in our freezer ! I 'm going to pick up another one in the next couple of days and try my hand at canning it . We shall see ! I picked up 10 lbs of chicken breasts as well . Meat is another area of food storage I don 't feel I have covered in the least little bit . I mean , there is only so much you can do with tuna ! I would just feel better knowing that I had some meats we are used to eating on a regular basis in the pantry . I also have some more eggs in the dehydrator today . I only have two fruit roll up trays so I can only do a dozen at a time . I wish I had some more trays but I 'm not going to buy them if I don 't have to . ( And I don 't have to ! ! ) This time around I am raising the heat on the eggs . It took over 24 hours last time to dry them . So the experiments continues ! I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over , shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend , threatening our lives . You also asked for my girlfriend 's purse and earrings . I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message . First , I 'd like to apologize for your embarrassment ; I didn 't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket . The evening was not that cold , and I was wearing the jacket for a reason . My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 . 45 ACP pistol for my birthday , and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening . Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head … isn 't it ? ! I know it probably wasn 't fun walking back to wherever you 'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants . I 'm sure it was even worse walking bare - footed since I made you leave your shoes , cell phone , and wallet with me . [ That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again ] . After I called your mother or " Momma " as you had her listed in your cell , I explained the entire episode of what you 'd done . Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station , - on your credit card . The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful ! Later , I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone . Ma Bell just now shut down the line , although I only used the phone for a little over a day now , so what 's going on with that ? Earlier , I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA 's office and one to the FBI , while mentioning President Obama as my possible target . In a way , perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime . I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues , and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon , and perhaps reconsider , the career path you 've chosen to pursue in life . Remember , next time you might not be so lucky . Have a good day ! After reading through some of the blogs in the last couple of days I found myself a bit depressed and quite disillusioned . So I am opting for just a little bit of humor today . And so I present to you . . . Saturday Funnies ! DH found this recipe over at AllRecipes . com Easy Easy Easy . . . . . just what you need for a fast chocolate fix ! He likes to drizzle chocolate syrup over it while its hot ! I have to admit . . . It is really good ! Microwave Chocolate Cake 1 pinch salt DIRECTIONS Spray a medium microwave - safe bowl with non - stick spray and set aside . In a mixing bowl , combine the butter , sugar , egg , vanilla extract , and milk ; blend together . Combine the flour , cocoa powder , baking powder and salt ; blend into the mixture until smooth . Pour into greased bowl . Cover and cook in the microwave on high for 2 to 2 1 / 2 minutes , or until cake springs back when touched . Since all microwaves cook differently , adjust the cooking time to accommodate your machine . To serve , let the cake cool five minutes , then cover the bowl with a plate and turn both bowl and plate upside down so the cake falls onto the plate . Posted by I waited tables for years off and on , with a few breaks for other job adventures . In the end it seems I always end up back in food service . Some of you may recall that I started a new job about three months ago . Still food service , but not waiting tables . Waiting tables gives you a daily paycheck . You work for tips and the $ 2 . 13 an hour wage JUST covers the taxes . There is a daily cash flow from waiting tables . You never know " exactly " how much you are going to make but you can pretty much " depend " on a certain amount of cash everyday . Sometimes a little more . . . sometimes a little less . The job I have now is hourly and the paychecks only come twice a month . I know , I know ! Most everyone lives like this . You will have to take my word for it when I tell you the transition into the bi - monthly money from the cash daily money has been difficult . Some might think its not that big a deal . But after having cash available every day for so many years and then to go back to getting paid twice a month , I 've had to rethink alot of things . I 've had to remind myself over and over that what I have right now is all that I will have until the next check . The reason I bring all this up is because of the effect it has had on my storage preps . I have had to rethink the way I prep . I used to put back X amount of dollars every day for the bills . But if there was a great sale at the grocery store , I could fudge the budget and know that I would be able to put back that amount the next day . No longer ! Now my lists are not vague they are concrete . I had forgotten this aspect of life to be honest . I work with a lady who took her 4 year old for a flu shot . 4 years old ! Why in the world would you do that ? Well about 3 days later the school calls her at work . Her boy is sick . She needs to go get him . She took him to the doctor , and you guessed it , the kids got the flu . She found a friend to watch the boy so she could go to work . Well , a couple of days later the babysitter comes into the restaurant with the boy in tow . You could tell by looking at the kid that he was really really sick . And coughing , I might add . What in the world was she thinking ? I wish I knew . I asked her why she had brought the kid in . She said they wanted to get something to eat . My blood level raised just a little . Hey I 'm getting older and more prone to pick up " stuff " . Not to mention the fact that they are exposing the general population to the flu . And what about that poor little boy ? I KNOW he wasn 't feeling like being dragged around town . I told her she shouldn 't have him out in public and that he was going to make others sick . She just kinda of shrugged . She honestly didn 't see what the problem was . The next day she called in sick . Yep ! She has the flu . People seem to have little regard for the well - being of others . That makes me nervous because I come into direct contact with at least a hundred people a day . I feel like a sitting duck . And the nasal flu spray is now in town . Not that I am going to be taking any flu vaccine anyway . Did you know that a person who takes the nasal spray sheds the virus for 21 days ! I had the pleasure of talking with my grandmother yesterday . She turned 95 on the first of October ! I call her several times a month . They are usually short chats as her hearing is getting bad and it frustrates her to no end ! So I will call here while I am on break at work . Or like yesterday I called while waiting to have the inspection sticker renewed . My granddad used to have a really large garden every year and they did lots and lots of canning . I always thought she was the one to do the canning . Until yesterday . Come to find out she was deathly afraid of the canner and the canning process . Imagine my shock to find out that my granddad did the canning . Funny , I remembered her in the kitchen all those years and didn 't know that . Her job while canning was to sterilize the jars , prep the veggies and fruits , fill the jars and hand them off to granddad to be processed ! She is so proud of the fact that we are gardening and canning . Like she said , its become almost a lost art . She also said that she was so glad that we were preparing for harder times . Did I mention she went through the Great Depression ? Even though she only watches MSM she knows things are bad and bound to get worse . Then she asked " The Question " . Have you made squash casserole this year ? I turned red when I realized I had not . Her squash casserole was always one of my favorite dishes and she taught me to make it . I am putting it on my list of things to do with the last little bit of summer squash this week . So I thought I would share her recipe with you guys . It 's really easy and has very few ingredients . Mix the cream of mushroom soup with the milk and set aside . Butter a casserole dish and start layering the squash , crackers and cheese and continue until you get to the top . Pour the milk mixture onto the casserole and do a final layer of cheese and sprinkle of crackers on top . I picked a huge mess of blackeyed peas today and will be shelling them on the patio this afternoon . I can 't believe we are still getting peas this late in the season . Hey , I 'm not going to fuss about that though ! We both LOVE them . I also love the fact that if I don 't get them picked soon enough to shell " fresh " I can just let them dry and we have . . . . yep . . . . dried blackeyed peas ! I don 't know if you recall , but I have been having some problems with the seed I planted in September . Out of a bed aprox . 4x16 I planted turnips . From those seeds I got 9 turnips started . Very disappointing . I have replanted in two other beds with no luck . At the same time I planted some lettuce , spinach and cabbage . All that resulted from that was one lonely lettuce plant . Today I was out picking peas and noticed that there were 10 little lettuce plants poking out of the dirt ! I guess it wasn 't a total wash after all . Posted by I love my dehydrator ! I have some potato 's that are going to go bad if I don 't do something with them . The two of us just don 't go through potato 's before they start to get " old " . So , you guessed it . I will be drying them today . I was out in the garden picking okra again today . I also picked some more yellow squash . Amazing that they are still producing but I can 't fuss . The only thing is that the production has slowed down to where there aren 't enough to break out the canner for a load . So these too will be headed for the dehydrator . The winter squash is comming right along . There are several babies out there right now and from the looks of things there will be plently more to come . My tomato 's aren 't doing well this fall . I suppose I will have to actually stock up on store canned tomato 's for the fall . I guess you can 't win them all ! Just scramble the eggs like you would normally . Pull out your fruit roll up trays and pour the eggs onto the tray 's . I found mine hold 6 eggs per tray . Then let them go till they are dry . I wasn 't thinking and didn 't turn up the temperature from the last time I had used it . I didn 't even think about it at the time . It might account for the almost orange tint to them . They looked a little weird . I remember hearing they should be dry in about 16 hours . It took over 24 hours for them to get done . Like I said , I think I just had the heat a little low . These came out with a tiny bit of " oily " feel but I figured that was probably normal . I powdered mine in a blender and then placed them in a ziplock baggie . Then I put them in a canning jar and vaccum sealed them . ( did I mention I love my FoodSaver . . . hehe ) One thing I am sure of is that I will be doing more eggs ! When SHTF I can see them being very good thing to have in my food storage . They are an excellent source of protein too . I love scrambled eggs . A personal comfort food . Omelets also come to mind . Not to mention the fact that you can used them for baking and such . They will also work for other things that you would like to dredge in egg before cooking . I am keeping an eye on the ones I have put up now as an experiment . Hey , after no refrigeration , they are still good about two weeks later . I now see that I have no excuse to have my dehydrator idle . Eggs are cheap here now . I might as well take advantage of that while I still can . I need to find some more trays so I can do more than 1 dozen at a time . I 'm moving into 24 / 7 mode now ! ! I posted this picture for a reason . I saw a picture over at Hoof and Barrel of Hoss 's cats . They looked so much like mine that at first I was wondering how she had pictures of my cats ! ! ! Ok now back to what I was originally going to write about ! We have a " routine " in the afternoons . We both get home about the same time of day . We usually both end up catching up on emails , blogs , favorite sites etc . . . Then we head out to the patio and enjoy the outdoors . Piddle in the garden , play with the cats , catch up on the days doings . Shell peas , which is again on the agenda for today . Just stuff ! Okra will get away from you if your not diligent about picking it . I have enough in the fridge with what I picked this morning to do another round of dehydrating . I think this time I will uses some cajun seasoning on them before drying . This serves a dual purpose . First , I have found they make great snack treats and are great for just munching dry . My thinking is also that if for some reason we don 't have seasonings when I rehydrate them , they will already be seasoned ! They rehydrate great and will fry up just like fresh . Today I decided to try the eggs I dehydrated a week or two ago . Once they came out of the dryer they looked a bit weird . Darkish yellow . I put them in the blender and powdered them then put them in a baggie . I took the baggie and vaccum sealed it in a jar , then put it up in the cupboard . Today I decided to try a taste test . I placed one teaspoon of powdered egg in a bowl and added two teaspoons of water to it . I let it sit for about 15 minutes . It really didn 't look all that appealing . There were still little " chunks " of dehydrated eggs in it . Not to be put off , I put a little oil in a pan and poured the egg in and scrambled it . I was a bit leary to try it at first , but I did the taste test . They came out GREAT ! We have another winner ! Now I just need to get some more eggs . I will be keeping an eye on this first batch to see how long they will remain good . Posted by The DH fired up the pit yesterday and smoked a chicken ( the neighbor put one on too . . . . heck why waste fire ! ) He also did a rack of baby backs . Needless to say , it came out wonderful . And was joined by some blackeyed peas with bacon and onion for seasoning , as well as some fried squash and homemade chili bread . The DH has made a decision which I wholeheartedly agree with . We will , from this day forward , not be saving money . We are going to put every nickle and every dime into preps . The dollar is tanking as we speak . I think its wiser to use it before all it is good for is toilet paper . I wish we had done this a whole lot sooner . I also wish I hadn 't been so hardheaded and listened to the DH more closely . He has been trying to warn me for years . He never pushed it hard because he knew that one day I would " get " it . I had my head planted firmly in the sand and wasted precious time and money for years . That I didn 't wake up soon enough is glaringly obvious . But I did wake up , finally . I just wish I hadn 't slept in so late ! All those years he was buying camping gear and the like , I just figured it was because we love to camp . The tools I wrote off as " its a guy thing " . The gardening he always did was just a cool hobby , right ? The fact that he is an excellent horse and cattleman I chalked up to his living on ranches all his young life . That he can handle just about any problem that needs solving I chalked up to his life skills . I never gave a second thought about how he fixed all our cars , or how we have NEVER called a plumber or an electrician . Until last year . He shared something with me something that he had never discussed with anyone before . He told me that when he was a little kid he can remember he wanted to learn " everything " . And that he knew , instinctively , that there was a purpose for this mindset . He has been on a lifequest to be ready for " something " even while not knowing what that something was . The man has essentially been prepping all his life . For that , I am grateful . Because I believe , in my heart of hearts , that we are running out of time . Something wicked this way comes and I am not prepared . Posted by Bacon And Eggs . All Rights Reserved . NO portion of articles or photograpsh may be reposted , printed , copied , disbursed , etc . without first receiving written permission by the author This policy is valid from 05 July 2011 This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me . For questions about this blog , please contact scifichicks @ yahoo . com . This blog accepts forms of cash advertising , sponsorship , paid insertions or other forms of compensation . This blog abides by word of mouth marketing standards . I believe in honesty of relationship , opinion and identity . The compensation received may influence the advertising content , topics or posts made in this blog . That content , advertising space or post will be clearly identified as paid or sponsored content . The owner ( s ) of this blog may be compensated to provide opinion on products , services , websites and various other topics . Even though the owner ( s ) of this blog receives compensation for our posts or advertisements , we always give our honest opinions , findings , beliefs , or experiences on those topics or products . The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers ' own . Any product claim , statistic , quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer , provider or party in question . This blog does not knowingly contain any content which might present a conflict of interest . To get your own policy , go to http : / / www . disclosurepolicy . org
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Bacon and Eggs I learned a long time ago , while working at a popular breakfast spot , Stop stressing . . . Its just Bacon and Eggs . . . How bad can you mess that up ? I have to say I am pretty impressed what this lady has to say . Could we possibly have a REAL candidate for the Texas Governor 's office ? Take just a few minutes to listen and see what you think . . . You might be surprised ! There are alot of predictions about things spiraling out of control in our not to distant future . I happen to believe that S will HTF . None of us know exactly when or exactly how it will happen . Too many variables to be able to do so . But I DO believe it will happen . They think I 'm nuts of course . And you know what . . . I have come to be ok with that . . . . I once felt compelled to try and make them see what was going on right in front of them . I don 't feel compelled anymore . That might sound mean or selfish to some . Maybe it is . The truth is , I just don 't feel I have the time or patience anymore to try to open the eyes of those who refuse to see what is going on around them . If they cant see it by now , they probably never will . And even if they do , will it be to late ? On the other hand , when IS to late ? Was I to late ? I worry about that sometimes . That I didn 't start early enough . That it took me too long to see what was going on in our country and around the world . So rather than wasting my time beating my head against a brick wall , I 've come to realize that my time is better spent in other ways . Why should I expend anymore energy trying ? My energy has had to become more focused . To be better spent making up for the lost time that it took me to open my eyes . I tell people all the time . . . . I don 't want to be " right " as to our future and the future of this country . I want to be wrong . I think all of us would like to be wrong about this . I 'm just not silly enough to believe that . As for knowing when the S will HTF . . . . who knows ! All I can say is that every day that we are granted to work with is one more day to prepare ourselves and our loved ones for our futures . Each and every day as a blessing . I found this pretty interesting and thought some of you might as well . I was especially interested in the information on Agenda 21 . HR 146 of 2009 was passed on March 30 , 2009 . Posted by I picked what looks like the last of the blackeyed peas this morning . I 'm just guessing , but I think we have put up around 4 gallon baggies this year . ( one of those things I need to get around to is get the freezer inventoried ) We also put up 2 quarts of dried peas and about 2 pints of seed peas for next year . Not a bad season for them at all ! I got another dozen eggs dehydrated and put them up this morning . I also have the dehydrator going with a tray of okra , a couple of bell peppers , two trays of yellow squash , and two trays of carrots . I 'm pretty sure that 's the last of the summer squash . Forty quarts canned , tons dehydrated , and untold amounts eaten all summer . Its been a great run I tell ya ! I have some of my " bakery buckets " cleaned out and will be putting up some of the things that need to be transferred from their original packages . Another thing I have been putting off . I was thinking about a comment a friend left yesterday . Actually , I 've been thinking about it since they first started cutting back hours at work . I think I will use the time off to get some much needed work done around the house . I have all sorts of things that could use my attention . Things I just haven 't seemed to quite get to . Not that we couldn 't use the money lost , but I am feeling a real need lately to get our " house " in order . So much so that I wake up thinking about things still left undone . Well the last few days have been interesting . And not all in a good way . My computer crashed and crashed hard . Many thanks to DH for all the time he spent working on it . Things that should have been backed up weren 't . I 've lost over a years worth of my pictures . Oh well , live and learn . I guarantee that I will be much more careful in doing my backups from here forward . At least it is up and running again , as there is no way we could afford to replace it at this time . There are some serious cutbacks going on at work . One thing that bothers me is that the General Manager will not lay anyone off . He doesn 't want to have to pay the unemployment . Everyone 's hours are being cut . The people that are pretty much just warm bodies he has cut from maybe 30 hours a week down to 20 then the next week down to 12 . He 's trying to get them to quit . I am hoping once some of the " dead " weight is gone my hours will go back up . I AM down to 32 hours a week now . Heck it was hard enough to get by on 40 . Another victim of the " economic recovery " . I 've been looking for another part time job to take up the slack but I 've not been seriously looking ya know ? Two applications doesn 't constitute a real job search ! Posted by Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ! Several months ago , we were able to obtain a 91 Dodge 3 / 4 ton diesel with a Cummins motor . The owner bought the truck with 17k miles on it . From that point until he parked the truck in 2002 he kept detailed records . Every thing that he ever did to the truck is in the paperwork , even down to fuses replaced ! There is also a notebook for his fuel usage ( even how much the fuel was per gallon ) A really sweet deal ! I did a post awhile back about it . He lived here in the RV Park for years and the DH worked with him . Well , Glen decided it was time to move back to his homestate of Montana and he put the truck up for sale . DH worked out a deal with him to purchase the truck . Trust me when I tell you that there was some serious bartering involved ! He made a super sweet deal on a great truck . DH has always worried that we had no vehicle to tow our trailer with . No more worries now ! It has a fifth wheel hitch , electric brakes , and air suspension ! There were some minor things that had to be done to the truck to get it legal . I think we have put another 500 hundred bucks in it . All money well spent to be sure . Sure there are some little things that need to be done but they are just that . Little things . But we are now legally on the road and I 'm doing a Happy Dance ! Posted by I started out with good intentions today . I was all set to dehydrate potato 's . I peeled potato 's , sliced them up , and started to blanch them . Then the phone rang . I guess we are having mashed potato 's for dinner tonight ! LOL Stuff happens , right ? I 'm trying my hand at making apple butter today as well . Apples are on sale at our local grocery for $ . 99 lb . I don 't have much fruit or sweet stuff in our food storage and I am trying to focus on building that up . That and the fact that it sounds so simple to do is another plus . If it works out I am going to be doing some more this week . I hardly ever do " projects " unless the ingredients are on sale . I did the same with the strawberry jam a few weeks back . They were $ 1 . 78 a lb so I picked up several pounds over the course of two weeks and put up 28 jars of jam . Another great deal this week is in the meat department . $ 1 . 00 a pound whole pork loin and $ 1 . 00 lb chicken breasts . I picked up a nice looking 9 . 5 lb pork loin and cut it into pork loin chops . They now reside in our freezer ! I 'm going to pick up another one in the next couple of days and try my hand at canning it . We shall see ! I picked up 10 lbs of chicken breasts as well . Meat is another area of food storage I don 't feel I have covered in the least little bit . I mean , there is only so much you can do with tuna ! I would just feel better knowing that I had some meats we are used to eating on a regular basis in the pantry . I also have some more eggs in the dehydrator today . I only have two fruit roll up trays so I can only do a dozen at a time . I wish I had some more trays but I 'm not going to buy them if I don 't have to . ( And I don 't have to ! ! ) This time around I am raising the heat on the eggs . It took over 24 hours last time to dry them . So the experiments continues ! I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over , shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend , threatening our lives . You also asked for my girlfriend 's purse and earrings . I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message . First , I 'd like to apologize for your embarrassment ; I didn 't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket . The evening was not that cold , and I was wearing the jacket for a reason . My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 . 45 ACP pistol for my birthday , and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening . Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head … isn 't it ? ! I know it probably wasn 't fun walking back to wherever you 'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants . I 'm sure it was even worse walking bare - footed since I made you leave your shoes , cell phone , and wallet with me . [ That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again ] . After I called your mother or " Momma " as you had her listed in your cell , I explained the entire episode of what you 'd done . Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station , - on your credit card . The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful ! Later , I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone . Ma Bell just now shut down the line , although I only used the phone for a little over a day now , so what 's going on with that ? Earlier , I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA 's office and one to the FBI , while mentioning President Obama as my possible target . In a way , perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime . I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues , and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon , and perhaps reconsider , the career path you 've chosen to pursue in life . Remember , next time you might not be so lucky . Have a good day ! After reading through some of the blogs in the last couple of days I found myself a bit depressed and quite disillusioned . So I am opting for just a little bit of humor today . And so I present to you . . . Saturday Funnies ! DH found this recipe over at AllRecipes . com Easy Easy Easy . . . . . just what you need for a fast chocolate fix ! He likes to drizzle chocolate syrup over it while its hot ! I have to admit . . . It is really good ! Microwave Chocolate Cake 1 pinch salt DIRECTIONS Spray a medium microwave - safe bowl with non - stick spray and set aside . In a mixing bowl , combine the butter , sugar , egg , vanilla extract , and milk ; blend together . Combine the flour , cocoa powder , baking powder and salt ; blend into the mixture until smooth . Pour into greased bowl . Cover and cook in the microwave on high for 2 to 2 1 / 2 minutes , or until cake springs back when touched . Since all microwaves cook differently , adjust the cooking time to accommodate your machine . To serve , let the cake cool five minutes , then cover the bowl with a plate and turn both bowl and plate upside down so the cake falls onto the plate . Posted by I waited tables for years off and on , with a few breaks for other job adventures . In the end it seems I always end up back in food service . Some of you may recall that I started a new job about three months ago . Still food service , but not waiting tables . Waiting tables gives you a daily paycheck . You work for tips and the $ 2 . 13 an hour wage JUST covers the taxes . There is a daily cash flow from waiting tables . You never know " exactly " how much you are going to make but you can pretty much " depend " on a certain amount of cash everyday . Sometimes a little more . . . sometimes a little less . The job I have now is hourly and the paychecks only come twice a month . I know , I know ! Most everyone lives like this . You will have to take my word for it when I tell you the transition into the bi - monthly money from the cash daily money has been difficult . Some might think its not that big a deal . But after having cash available every day for so many years and then to go back to getting paid twice a month , I 've had to rethink alot of things . I 've had to remind myself over and over that what I have right now is all that I will have until the next check . The reason I bring all this up is because of the effect it has had on my storage preps . I have had to rethink the way I prep . I used to put back X amount of dollars every day for the bills . But if there was a great sale at the grocery store , I could fudge the budget and know that I would be able to put back that amount the next day . No longer ! Now my lists are not vague they are concrete . I had forgotten this aspect of life to be honest . I work with a lady who took her 4 year old for a flu shot . 4 years old ! Why in the world would you do that ? Well about 3 days later the school calls her at work . Her boy is sick . She needs to go get him . She took him to the doctor , and you guessed it , the kids got the flu . She found a friend to watch the boy so she could go to work . Well , a couple of days later the babysitter comes into the restaurant with the boy in tow . You could tell by looking at the kid that he was really really sick . And coughing , I might add . What in the world was she thinking ? I wish I knew . I asked her why she had brought the kid in . She said they wanted to get something to eat . My blood level raised just a little . Hey I 'm getting older and more prone to pick up " stuff " . Not to mention the fact that they are exposing the general population to the flu . And what about that poor little boy ? I KNOW he wasn 't feeling like being dragged around town . I told her she shouldn 't have him out in public and that he was going to make others sick . She just kinda of shrugged . She honestly didn 't see what the problem was . The next day she called in sick . Yep ! She has the flu . People seem to have little regard for the well - being of others . That makes me nervous because I come into direct contact with at least a hundred people a day . I feel like a sitting duck . And the nasal flu spray is now in town . Not that I am going to be taking any flu vaccine anyway . Did you know that a person who takes the nasal spray sheds the virus for 21 days ! I had the pleasure of talking with my grandmother yesterday . She turned 95 on the first of October ! I call her several times a month . They are usually short chats as her hearing is getting bad and it frustrates her to no end ! So I will call here while I am on break at work . Or like yesterday I called while waiting to have the inspection sticker renewed . My granddad used to have a really large garden every year and they did lots and lots of canning . I always thought she was the one to do the canning . Until yesterday . Come to find out she was deathly afraid of the canner and the canning process . Imagine my shock to find out that my granddad did the canning . Funny , I remembered her in the kitchen all those years and didn 't know that . Her job while canning was to sterilize the jars , prep the veggies and fruits , fill the jars and hand them off to granddad to be processed ! She is so proud of the fact that we are gardening and canning . Like she said , its become almost a lost art . She also said that she was so glad that we were preparing for harder times . Did I mention she went through the Great Depression ? Even though she only watches MSM she knows things are bad and bound to get worse . Then she asked " The Question " . Have you made squash casserole this year ? I turned red when I realized I had not . Her squash casserole was always one of my favorite dishes and she taught me to make it . I am putting it on my list of things to do with the last little bit of summer squash this week . So I thought I would share her recipe with you guys . It 's really easy and has very few ingredients . Mix the cream of mushroom soup with the milk and set aside . Butter a casserole dish and start layering the squash , crackers and cheese and continue until you get to the top . Pour the milk mixture onto the casserole and do a final layer of cheese and sprinkle of crackers on top . I picked a huge mess of blackeyed peas today and will be shelling them on the patio this afternoon . I can 't believe we are still getting peas this late in the season . Hey , I 'm not going to fuss about that though ! We both LOVE them . I also love the fact that if I don 't get them picked soon enough to shell " fresh " I can just let them dry and we have . . . . yep . . . . dried blackeyed peas ! I don 't know if you recall , but I have been having some problems with the seed I planted in September . Out of a bed aprox . 4x16 I planted turnips . From those seeds I got 9 turnips started . Very disappointing . I have replanted in two other beds with no luck . At the same time I planted some lettuce , spinach and cabbage . All that resulted from that was one lonely lettuce plant . Today I was out picking peas and noticed that there were 10 little lettuce plants poking out of the dirt ! I guess it wasn 't a total wash after all . Posted by I love my dehydrator ! I have some potato 's that are going to go bad if I don 't do something with them . The two of us just don 't go through potato 's before they start to get " old " . So , you guessed it . I will be drying them today . I was out in the garden picking okra again today . I also picked some more yellow squash . Amazing that they are still producing but I can 't fuss . The only thing is that the production has slowed down to where there aren 't enough to break out the canner for a load . So these too will be headed for the dehydrator . The winter squash is comming right along . There are several babies out there right now and from the looks of things there will be plently more to come . My tomato 's aren 't doing well this fall . I suppose I will have to actually stock up on store canned tomato 's for the fall . I guess you can 't win them all ! Just scramble the eggs like you would normally . Pull out your fruit roll up trays and pour the eggs onto the tray 's . I found mine hold 6 eggs per tray . Then let them go till they are dry . I wasn 't thinking and didn 't turn up the temperature from the last time I had used it . I didn 't even think about it at the time . It might account for the almost orange tint to them . They looked a little weird . I remember hearing they should be dry in about 16 hours . It took over 24 hours for them to get done . Like I said , I think I just had the heat a little low . These came out with a tiny bit of " oily " feel but I figured that was probably normal . I powdered mine in a blender and then placed them in a ziplock baggie . Then I put them in a canning jar and vaccum sealed them . ( did I mention I love my FoodSaver . . . hehe ) One thing I am sure of is that I will be doing more eggs ! When SHTF I can see them being very good thing to have in my food storage . They are an excellent source of protein too . I love scrambled eggs . A personal comfort food . Omelets also come to mind . Not to mention the fact that you can used them for baking and such . They will also work for other things that you would like to dredge in egg before cooking . I am keeping an eye on the ones I have put up now as an experiment . Hey , after no refrigeration , they are still good about two weeks later . I now see that I have no excuse to have my dehydrator idle . Eggs are cheap here now . I might as well take advantage of that while I still can . I need to find some more trays so I can do more than 1 dozen at a time . I 'm moving into 24 / 7 mode now ! ! I posted this picture for a reason . I saw a picture over at Hoof and Barrel of Hoss 's cats . They looked so much like mine that at first I was wondering how she had pictures of my cats ! ! ! Ok now back to what I was originally going to write about ! We have a " routine " in the afternoons . We both get home about the same time of day . We usually both end up catching up on emails , blogs , favorite sites etc . . . Then we head out to the patio and enjoy the outdoors . Piddle in the garden , play with the cats , catch up on the days doings . Shell peas , which is again on the agenda for today . Just stuff ! Okra will get away from you if your not diligent about picking it . I have enough in the fridge with what I picked this morning to do another round of dehydrating . I think this time I will uses some cajun seasoning on them before drying . This serves a dual purpose . First , I have found they make great snack treats and are great for just munching dry . My thinking is also that if for some reason we don 't have seasonings when I rehydrate them , they will already be seasoned ! They rehydrate great and will fry up just like fresh . Today I decided to try the eggs I dehydrated a week or two ago . Once they came out of the dryer they looked a bit weird . Darkish yellow . I put them in the blender and powdered them then put them in a baggie . I took the baggie and vaccum sealed it in a jar , then put it up in the cupboard . Today I decided to try a taste test . I placed one teaspoon of powdered egg in a bowl and added two teaspoons of water to it . I let it sit for about 15 minutes . It really didn 't look all that appealing . There were still little " chunks " of dehydrated eggs in it . Not to be put off , I put a little oil in a pan and poured the egg in and scrambled it . I was a bit leary to try it at first , but I did the taste test . They came out GREAT ! We have another winner ! Now I just need to get some more eggs . I will be keeping an eye on this first batch to see how long they will remain good . Posted by The DH fired up the pit yesterday and smoked a chicken ( the neighbor put one on too . . . . heck why waste fire ! ) He also did a rack of baby backs . Needless to say , it came out wonderful . And was joined by some blackeyed peas with bacon and onion for seasoning , as well as some fried squash and homemade chili bread . The DH has made a decision which I wholeheartedly agree with . We will , from this day forward , not be saving money . We are going to put every nickle and every dime into preps . The dollar is tanking as we speak . I think its wiser to use it before all it is good for is toilet paper . I wish we had done this a whole lot sooner . I also wish I hadn 't been so hardheaded and listened to the DH more closely . He has been trying to warn me for years . He never pushed it hard because he knew that one day I would " get " it . I had my head planted firmly in the sand and wasted precious time and money for years . That I didn 't wake up soon enough is glaringly obvious . But I did wake up , finally . I just wish I hadn 't slept in so late ! All those years he was buying camping gear and the like , I just figured it was because we love to camp . The tools I wrote off as " its a guy thing " . The gardening he always did was just a cool hobby , right ? The fact that he is an excellent horse and cattleman I chalked up to his living on ranches all his young life . That he can handle just about any problem that needs solving I chalked up to his life skills . I never gave a second thought about how he fixed all our cars , or how we have NEVER called a plumber or an electrician . Until last year . He shared something with me something that he had never discussed with anyone before . He told me that when he was a little kid he can remember he wanted to learn " everything " . And that he knew , instinctively , that there was a purpose for this mindset . He has been on a lifequest to be ready for " something " even while not knowing what that something was . The man has essentially been prepping all his life . For that , I am grateful . Because I believe , in my heart of hearts , that we are running out of time . Something wicked this way comes and I am not prepared . Posted by Bacon And Eggs . All Rights Reserved . NO portion of articles or photograpsh may be reposted , printed , copied , disbursed , etc . without first receiving written permission by the author This policy is valid from 05 July 2011 This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me . For questions about this blog , please contact scifichicks @ yahoo . com . This blog accepts forms of cash advertising , sponsorship , paid insertions or other forms of compensation . This blog abides by word of mouth marketing standards . I believe in honesty of relationship , opinion and identity . The compensation received may influence the advertising content , topics or posts made in this blog . That content , advertising space or post will be clearly identified as paid or sponsored content . The owner ( s ) of this blog may be compensated to provide opinion on products , services , websites and various other topics . Even though the owner ( s ) of this blog receives compensation for our posts or advertisements , we always give our honest opinions , findings , beliefs , or experiences on those topics or products . The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers ' own . Any product claim , statistic , quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer , provider or party in question . This blog does not knowingly contain any content which might present a conflict of interest . To get your own policy , go to http : / / www . disclosurepolicy . org
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Gladatoria Offline Last seen : 2 days 6 hours ago Joined : 09 / 08 / 2013 - 14 : 20 James Duncan High Open RP Nestled within the district of Old Braford , James Duncan High is a relatively new educational institution founded in 2012 , but it 's worth can 't be counted in years , but it 's purpose and facets . Named after the famed and fallen hero American Star , James Duncan High functions a revolutionary magnet school , it 's stellar curriculum catering to the needs of two populations : nonpowered and powered students . It 's facilities carry a old - world traditional sense of architecture meshed with cutting edge technology and alluring and smart decor , such as a holographic display above the dual sets of fountains near the front of the building bearing the various deeds of heroes throughout the day within the news . It 's overall structure is a initial brickwork outlined by solid titanium plating , mixed with other alloys often provided by scientific heroes as it faces reconstruction . Walking though the halls , a student would be introduced to the necessary locations within the school grounds by a onsite AI named ESSI , or Educational Systems and Security Interface . Classrooms aside from the obviously different standards of Fine Arts are equipped with desk interfaces that stream a miniaturized version of the smartboard lesson , and are detachable for greater ease of access . It 's cafeteria is outlined with the school 's colors of Red and Gold , bears fully stocked and functional kitchens , televisions that display local and school news , and a pristine view of a large open air courtyard along it 's perimeter that is used to hold dances , and separates the main school from the gym and sports facilities . It 's fine arts department is also notable , as aside from a Orchestra and Art hallway , Digital Media Room and Auditorium , it 's Drama organization is it 's pride and joy aside from it 's stellar football team , the James Duncan All Stars . Currently pacing before class starts within this room is a rather stressed Rosella Burdelon , who awaits the results of her audition for the role of Elphaba in the school 's first production of Wicked . Despite the relative irony of her role , Rose aims to do the best she can , though she is rudely reminded that competition brings out the best of the worst in people , as resident mean girl and former friend Madison Groves strolls in . Clad in a fashionable black nearly see - through blouse and semi short gold silk skirt , partnered with knee high black heeled boots , and full lengths of steely blond hair and piercing grey eyes , Madison 's model like attire grossly parallels that of Rose 's . " My concealer is Cle de Peau , Rosie . One bottle was probably worth more than your gypsy camp ! " Rose blinks at the insult , before simply shaking her head at the girl , muttering in french before replying . " One , I 'm French creole sweetheart , not that you have the brains to even spell the phrase . And two , I 'd slap you , but contracting herpes is not on my list of things to do today , Madison . " She states in a rather expert Boston Brahman accent nearly identical to Madison 's own , who opens her mouth to retort , but chooses silence as they move to their respective seats , as students file in , as does the teacher , ending the verbal war . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 Stepping off the bus there Stepping off the bus there was little to tell that the teen aged Robert was a bit more then normal . Baggy jeans , sneakers , a white t shirt , blue hoodie , and black back pack . That was until you spot his back . The glow from the fiberoptics of his cybernetic spine shone through the fabric of the shirt , up to his bald head where it connects to the back of his skull with metallic spider like webbing of metal and faint blue nano cords seen under his skin . His viser connected to the metal band that ends at his ears and on his left arm he had a wearable computer gauntlet like device . He pulled up his hood over his head trying to hide his shaved condition . Without warning a crumbled up paper wad came flying and thought it was aimed for the back of his head he leaned to the left just in time to avoid being hit . He even caught it with his right hand and tossed it into the trash can he was passing . Just another morning at James Duncan High . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 43 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 Toni Mercer didn 't have the Toni Mercer didn 't have the figure of either Rose or Maddie , but that was perfectly understandable . The clothing he usually wore could be thought of as " unisex " , and most of the people who realized he was male assumed he was gay . Not that he had a problem with people making that assumption , as long as they kept things civil . . . Toni smiled and nodded at Rosie as he found his own seat . From his pack he pulled out two sheets of music . Which one would he use for the audition ? Fortunately , being in the middle of the alphabet he had time to decide . He hoped he wouldn 't choose the same one Rose did ; he had gotten the role of Viola in Twelfth Night and didn 't find out until later that Rose had wanted it . Ah , well , at least she had beaten Maddie for Olivia . Which would she choose ? Elphaba was the lead role , but from what he 'd learned last week it was hitting the nail a bit squarely . Finally , he went with his gut instinct , and put " Popular " on top . If he guessed wrong , he had a fifty - fifty chance of being able to change it , depending on which end of the alphabet the auditions started on . . . Gladatoria Offline Last seen : 2 days 6 hours ago Joined : 09 / 08 / 2013 - 14 : 20 Rose smiles to Toni as he Rose smiles to Toni as he enters , but takes a moment to note his music choice , commenting quietly from her seat beside him . " Oh , I chose No Good Deed , but don 't let that stop you . " The statement would earn a scoff from Madison , who inquires incredulously . " And you think you can pull it off ? Last time I checked Elphaba wasn 't loaded with silicon . " She insults , earning quite a few ' ooohs ' from the rest of the classroom . Madison , not yet yielding , simply turns to switch targets , staring down Toni like a snake . " Oh give me a break fruit loops , at least she can carry half a note . " She hisses , adding . " But I suppose you have better taste in clothes . . . for your standards I suppose . " Any other comments she could have lobbed are effectively cut off when she makes an attempt to plop into her chair , instead hitting the carpet hard on her backside , but the chair didn 't seem to move . . . almost as if it phased through to those with otherwordly senses . " Toni , are you ready ? " She asks with a smile , gesturing to the open door before Rose comments . " Just remember to breathe and not to overcomplicate the piece , you 'll be fine ! " Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 43 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 In the auditorium , Toni In the auditorium , Toni passed the sheet music to the pianist . Unfortunately , Maddie wasn 't in the auditorium at the moment ; she 'd have made a perfect target for some of the innuendoes . On the other hand , best to keep it as intended . He sang the piece contralto ( well within his usable range ) , and did , he thought , fairly well . " Very nice Toni , and the dynamics were sound . I really can 't nitpick here . . . but I was wondering why not Fiyero ? What made you choose Popular ? " She inquires with her everpresent honeylike tone , making it clear that brief stardom didn 't change how she treated anyone , and she was generally interested . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 The door suddenly busts open The door suddenly busts open and a simple " Sorry i 'm late , teacher . " Could be heard . The door opener stepped in and revealed to be Venomscale aka Damon Blake . He was a reptilian humanoid , with dark green scales covering his body , except the front where he had just horizontally striped though skin , colored tan . He also had a reptilian tail covered in scales . His hands and feet were clawed , and his eyes are red with black vertical stripe pupils . His head resembled a lizard much more than a human . He was wearing a sleeveless brown leather vest and blue jeans held in place by a black leather belt . He didn 't have any shoes due to his clawed feet . He walked to a chair to sit down and once he had gotten closer a small dent in his scales on the left shoulder could be seen , as if someone had attempted to stab him with a knife . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 43 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 " Good question . After all , I " Good question . After all , I need to exercise the lower end of my range , as well . I suppose it was just the habit of going for a showier number . " Toni considered that possibility that Miss Hall was a mind reader . He couldn 't think of a good reason to dismiss the idea . . . Elsewhere , Miss Hall simply smiles as she replies . " Well I see no point in arguing your decision , and yes , for your information , I am a telepath . . that 's part of the reason I left Broadway . You couldn 't go an inch across that stage without hearing what everyone thought of you , no matter how good or grand your performance was . " She reveals in a subdued tone before adding with a wry smile . " But for now shall we keep that a secret , most staff members know it , but I would prefer to leave it a surprise to Miss Groves and the like . " She can 't suppress a sneer at the end of the sentence , showing that she clearly wasn 't fond of the venomous girl . Shaking her head , she states in her usual and kind tone . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 Venomscale stopped lifting Venomscale stopped lifting and looked at the bully . " Your mouth is full of shit , i think you were in the sewer last night . " He replied , while clenching his hands into fists , careful not to scratch himself with his own claws . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 43 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 Toni nodded . " That did seem Toni nodded . " That did seem implied , yes . And of course , I figure you 'll give me whichever role you think will make the better play , or teach us more , or maybe both ? " " All of the above , and I think I have just the part , though you 'll get your role tomorrow ; got to build up SOME suspense now . " She jokes , before leading him back to the Drama room , in which he is gently and kindly ambushed by a smiling Rose and a not so happy Madison , who 's presence feels icy to say the least . Madison speaks frist , much to Rose 's chargin , as Miss Hall takes the next student to the auditorium , though giving Toni a clear look and message : ' If she gets out of line , simply beep me . ' " So , assuming you didn 't flop the entire thing I suppose your my only competition . besides gypsy queen over here . . " She mocks , with emphasis on the word gypsy , as Rose simply flips Madison the bird whilst addressing Toni . " Excuse the dog , she hasn 't had the tact to be spayed yet . And I 'm sure you nailed it Toni . . . but don 't think this means I won 't try any less harder to show you up . " She smiles to him , a clear look of genuine friendship passed as she walks away , sitting promptly to look through her sheet music , examining notes for future improvement . Meanwhile , Madison simply glares him down as she challenges . " If you have any dignity left , I suggest dropping out of the play now . . . then again , it 'd be fun to traunce you both . Ciao , fruit loops . " She deadpans on the last statement , before sauntering over to her own flock to compare notes on their auditions . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 Damon then said : " You are far Damon then said : " You are far too ignorant . And i 'm not sure you even know what ignorant means . " He then got down on all four and stood that way for a moment , but then hissed and leapt forward whit great speed to deliver a straight punch to Kyle 's nose . Note that Damon has super strength . Gladatoria Offline Last seen : 2 days 6 hours ago Joined : 09 / 08 / 2013 - 14 : 20 Kyle was sent several feet Kyle was sent several feet sprawling back by Damon 's sudden punch , a crunch heard as his nose is also promptly broken , blood streeaming down his face as Kyle struggles to get up against a weight rack , clutching his face . Any attempts for the boys to engage in round two is stunted by holographic figure of ESSI appearing before them . Modeled after the school 's principal Janet Ellis , a former heroine herself with the powers of kinetic field generation , it 's appearance is that of a stern looking woman with her hair in a tight bun , clad in a simple glowing business suit and skirt . " That is quite enough , Damon . Coach Wright please escort Mister Coleman to the Nurse 's office . " She commands , as the stiff man does so , urging the boy up angirly in response to his remarks , giving a curt if not slight nod of respect to Damon before exiting the room . " Since this is your first incident on school grounds , Miss Ellis has seen fit to provide you with only two sessions of after school detention , from 2 : 30 to 5 : 30 this afternoon and tomorrow . She also stated that she expects more from you given your academic performance . " With that statement , ESSI in a fold of blue , as other students staring at the scene give their differing reactions , mostly all smiles in Damon 's direction , save for the sneers of Kyle 's abandoned peers , who sulk off to the other side of the room leaderless for now . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Totally worth it . " Damon " Totally worth it . " Damon said , then turned to continue his weightlifting , given that the class has not ended yet . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 The moment the hologram The moment the hologram appeared Robert done the normal teenage boy behavior . " Wasn 't me . " Now that events were over he returned to his Jeet Kun Do practice striking a sand bag with quick fast minimal movement attacks . A perfect fighting style for someone with super fast reflexes , but wasn 't a speedster . " I think you broke his nose . He get lucky or did you pull your punch ? " Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Gossip is just gossip . I don " Gossip is just gossip . I don 't care . That punch pretty much came from everyone here except for his goons . " Xselcier Offline Last seen : 3 days 12 hours ago Joined : 08 / 26 / 2013 - 11 : 54 A voice from over at the A voice from over at the bench press where Damon had been joined the conversation . " A solid hit , Scales . A little brutish and unbalanced , but effective nonetheless . " The speaker was a short , stocky guy with pale skin , auburn hair , and ice - blue eyes . He smiled easily as he leaned on the bar of the bench press . " Me , I prefer a bit more subtlety in my approach to sending a message . Check the goon squad over there . " he said , indicating Kyle 's posse sulking by the leg press . At the corner of Robert and Damon 's eyes , the red - haired young man would seem to flicker briefly . Then Kyle 's goons were hollering and tripping over themselves as they 'd all been pantsed and their shoelaces had been tied together . The short guy smiled again and walked over to Damon and Robert . " How ya doin ' ? I 'm Andy Donovan . " - Putting yourself in another persons shoes emotionally is something that everyone has to experience eventually . It 's part of learning to be a human being . Roleplayers do it for fun . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 Damon paused the Damon paused the weightlifting to look at Kyle 's goons as they start tripping . " Impressive speed . I 'm Damon Blake . " He released his right hand from the weights to give Andy a handshake , careful not to injure him with his clawed hand . " Doing good , but i feel like i 'm lifting wooden sticks here . " He said . Andy would notice that Damon has no trouble at all holding the maxed out weight bar with one hand . Xselcier Offline Last seen : 3 days 12 hours ago Joined : 08 / 26 / 2013 - 11 : 54 " Oh , it 's not speed , persay . " Oh , it 's not speed , persay . Watch the clock there . " he said , pointing at the wall . The clock 's second hand ticked to : 55 , then it took five seconds to tick from : 55 to : 56 . After that , it progressed from : 56 to : 01 almost instantly . Andy grinned and leaned back on his arms . - Putting yourself in another persons shoes emotionally is something that everyone has to experience eventually . It 's part of learning to be a human being . Roleplayers do it for fun . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Time manipulation , then . " Time manipulation , then . Still impressive . " He said as he watched the clock . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 43 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 Toni smiled at both girls , Toni smiled at both girls , though if she were perceptive Maddie might have noticed the one directed at her was a bit fake . " Of course I didn 't flop . And I expect nothing less than your best from either of you . " Looking at Maddie , his smile faded as he added , " For whatever your best is worth . " In fact , if there were three things that landed him the stage management job for the school play , they were the fact that he was always early , the fact that he almost never talks unless he has to , and the fact that he has a free period first thing Tuesday Morning . To be fair , however , as Connor tapped his pencil against his clipboard while waiting for further instruction from the play 's director , his sunken eyes began to drift away , staring off into space as he thought of all the wonderful dreams that he could be having at that hour . After all , it wasn 't his fault that he could see ghosts , and it was even less of his fault to consider that they have the tendency to keep people up at night . Sure , every once in a while you get something interesting from a few of them ( a group of Union soldiers that once wandered through the walls of his bedroom gave him enough information to pass his Civil War test a few months ago ) , but more often than not , there 's a lot of noise , as if there were about six times as many people out on the streets at night than there should be . Connor pulled himself back to reality for a few moments as he realized that the director 's lips were moving again . He instinctively grabbed the paper coffee - cup next to him , nearly spilling it as he took a haphazard sip , and immediately begin scribbling on the paper attached to the clipboard . " . . . Sorry . Say that again ? " blue5150 Offline Last seen : 5 months 2 weeks ago Joined : 04 / 29 / 2014 - 12 : 43 The 72 classic olds 442 The 72 classic olds 442 pulled into the student parking . It wasn 't the prettiest looking car , it had a few dents and was a dull flat grey color . However the engine purred with perfection . Keith had spent countless hours restoring it . All he needed to do was finish the body work . He left the convertible top down and hopped out . He walked up to the school and opened the door . Her wore his school jacket with pride . He was a co captain of the hockey team and captain of the baseball team . " Mr Gateman , if you are done we still need those costumes rolled in from the drama room , Miss Hall left a key near your cup . And also , I 'd be sure to wipe away the coffee mustache before heading there . " He smiles as he notes , moving to the other wide of the stage before adding . " And please inform Miss Groves , Miss Burdelon and Mister Mercer that Miss Hall would like them to stay after school , same as you for dress rehearsal . " " If I didn 't know any better , I think she sees you as a threat . . . relish in that for a moment . And also , calm down . . . excessive studying is just going to tire you out for the rehearsal , whatever you get is whatever you get , mon ami . " She states softly . Stalker Offline Last seen : 12 hours 49 min ago Joined : 05 / 21 / 2014 - 20 : 28 The Jock King would find his The Jock King would find his way into the nurse 's office , feeling a pulse of empathy almost immediately . In front of the red - mohawked menace was a scrawny boy sitting in a chair , turned towards the nurse with his hands folded in his lap and his leg pumping a hundred times per minute . He was nervous . . . He wore a basic Zipper Hoodie , navy blue , and tan cargo pants with simple , mid - price - range sneakers . He was one of those students who the Jock had never given a second thought to . The Nurse herself was reading over the paper in her hands : a doctor 's note , and also spoke with a man over the phone . Presumably the Doctor . " Yes I understand that he 's a special case . He seems to have the opposite effect . . . " The student in front of the nurse turned to see Kyle and offered him a couple paper towels to deal with the bleeding on his face . A good few drips had already reached his shirt and stained in ugly patterns with the already - existing sweat stains . The scrawny boy avoided saying anything , afraid he might pull on the wrong emotional chord and get himself in trouble with the populars . Kyle gave one of those cocky upward head nobs of ' thanks kid ' that the upper crust liked to do . The only reason he even fit in , this smaller teen , was because his powers were never out . The larger jock dabbed the blood from his face , careful to avoid touching his nose to make it hurt . He gave the outward tough - guy expression , even though he was in pain . Finally the Nurse hung up the phone and signed the document . " Okay Vincent . Now , I 'm approving your medication , but I need you to take this form to the principal . I 've signed it , so she knows it has my okay . " The teacher handed the paper and an unmarked flask to the boy , as well as a measuring cup that often came with cough syrup . Kyle gave an odd look to the nurse . Was he just given booze as medication ? " Remember Vincent , you 're only supposed to take 2 ounces at most , every 8 hours . A little bit during lunch , and you should be good until you get home . A little bit when you wake up , and a little bit before you go to bed . . . " The Nurse let out a sigh and shook her head . " I still find it hard to believe that you need to take CHASER of all things to stay like that . " Vincent winced at the word she used . Chaser was an unfortunate necessity to keep his power in check . If he didn 't take it , the likely scenario was that he 'd start heating up until everything around him starting bursting into flame . Vince nodded and gave a small " thanks . . . " before scurrying out the door . He hurried down to the principle 's office to relay the newly signed note . blue5150 Offline Last seen : 5 months 2 weeks ago Joined : 04 / 29 / 2014 - 12 : 43 As he entered the school he 'd As he entered the school he 'd be greeted by everyone . " what 's up man " another jock would say as he passed . " Hi Keith " a couple of girls would flirtatiously chime . Other popular kids would just hold thier fist out and nod as Keith fist bumped and returned the subtle nod . He was popular and charming . Even the teachers liked him . Always on time with assignments and didn 't even have to struggle to keep his 4 . 0 . Smart , handsome , charming , popular , and athletic . All should have been perfect in his world . It wasn 't . He 'd been sent to this school when his parents lost custody . He never talked about it . He was just gład his aunt welcomed him with open arms . He was different , but never let on . Her being different as well made it all easier to understand . As he walked up to his locker he passed the auditorium . Someone was singing , she sounded good he noted . Then he passed the gym where he spent alot of time . When he got to his locker he opened it up and placed a few books in it . Then he heard the locker next to him start to talk . " Little help here " a soft and almost nerdy voice said . Keith smiled , but tried to hide it as he opened the other locker . A short and skinny underclasman spilled out onto the floor . Pens and books and loose change scattering . " heya mort " . Keith said as he helped the much smaller guy up . " thanks Keith " mort replied . " I 'm glad you 're not like those other jerks . " who was it this time ? " Keith asked . " Steve and his crew " mort answered . " oh andthey took my lunch money " . Mort said frantically searching his pockets . " don 't worry , find me then and ill treat . " Keith said offering mort one of his granola bars . Mort took it as the bell wrang . " Oh no ! ! ! I can 't be late to thus class . " he quickly gathered some loose papers then turned to rush to class . He quickly turned back as Keith handed him the textbook he needed . He just looked at Keith , shook his head and took of down the hall . " we 'll Monica 's parents are in Fiji soooo . House party there ok ? " she turned and walked away looking back at Keith as he headed to class . " I 'll let you know " he said hustling by her trying not to be late . He then got to the door and walked in . He sat up front and took out his book . This was his favorite class . History Wipe away coffee mustache . He blinked , wiped his lip , crossed the instruction out , and nodded sleepily . " Alright Mister Theroux , " he said somewhat sleepily , before getting up and heading to the door . He paused , hand halfway to the doorknob , and stood there for a brief moment as he debated using the Sparklock Spell to make things easier . He eventually decided against it with a sigh ; as nice as convenience was , keeping a good secret was more important . He opened the door to the hallway , stepping out and making a beeline to the costume shop . It was a short trip , considering the school 's layout , but when he arrived , the costume crew itself seemed abscent . " Oh right . First period class , " he muttered to himself , flipping to an empty piece of paper and scrawling a note before placing it atop a rumpled costume . He exited , closing the door behind him quietly . Next , the auditioners . Hopefully nobody would bother him on the way over . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 " Wow time manipulation . That " Wow time manipulation . That 's kind of rare isn 't it . Me technically I 'm a normal kid , just I have this . " He pulled up the back of his shirt and showed off the cybernetic spine . " A successful failure . It repaired the damage to my back was only supposed to be three vertebrae but it kept growing replacing my entire spine now it going into my skull and taking over my entire nervous system . Even my sensory nerves are being replaced I used to need glasses when I was a kid now my eyesight better than normal . So much so I almost have a six sense . " He took a step back from the punching back and activated his overclocking abilities his spine lit up as the artificial nerves went into high speed . Then the delivered about ten punches to the punching bag in the same spot in about 4 seconds so he was pulling about 2 and half punches per second . Then it was over and the spine went dim as he caught his breath " Not quite super speed , but getting there , and I can only do it in short bursts . " " So , Connor , right ? " She smiles , and he would note she didn 't have to fish for his name like other students would if they didn 't know him , she clearly paid attention . She then adds with a smirk . Stalker Offline Last seen : 12 hours 49 min ago Joined : 05 / 21 / 2014 - 20 : 28 Finally Vince made it to the Finally Vince made it to the Principle 's office . Eyes were watching the halls , so he made the subtle move of simply placing the signed piece of paper int he Principle 's in - mailbox . He 'd been excused from first period class to take care of this , so He 'd have to catch the second period class session to start his day and meet anyone really . Until then . . . He decided to just chill in the cafeteria playing a little bit of Clicky Cape and snacking on twizzlers . The table he picked was off to a corner , his back to a wall and such . He wore a pair of normal earphones ; a cheap , 2 dollar , over the ear folding pair . Nerdy sound tracks played while he mindlessly flew his clicky cape hero between buildings to try to beat his highscore . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 " Well go ask the coach to use " Well go ask the coach to use the Danger Room . Were supposed to learn to control our abilities here that why we have a state of the art gym . Think you can even set the gravity in those rooms to higher than earth normal . Thought I don 't know personally haven 't used them . " Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Danger zone , huh ? " Damon " Danger room , huh ? " Damon said , thought for a moment , then added : " Not a bad idea . " Damon walked over to the coach and asked : " May I use the danger room ? " then quickly added : " This gym is useless for me , i 'm lifting wooden sticks here at the maximum weight on the weight bar . " Gideon Cross Offline Last seen : 6 days 16 hours ago Joined : 08 / 30 / 2013 - 19 : 04 Shepherd had entered the Shepherd had entered the school a he was being given a tour of the facilities . He had been planning on tutoring after seeing Toni and Rose in action . They peaked his interest in the fight . He figured if he could help them and others learn to control their powers more it would be a good way for him to keep busy on the days he wasn 't in the TCPD . " The weapons and obstacles that are erected will not kill you , but adapt to your limits . However , if at any time this gets too much , call out to ESSI , she is monitoring the room as we speak . " With that , he escorts the nonpowered boys out of the now Danger Room , before shouting as he leaves . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Now this is more like it . " " Now this is more like it . " Damon said , then walked over to a one ton car . " Can you set these up with chains so it 's more comfortable to lift these ? It 's not like the car will lose any weight . " D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor raises an eyebrow , and Connor raises an eyebrow , and begins pulling the rack out and into the next room . " . . . Right , " he says after a moment , looking at Rose with a furrowed brow . Something felt . . . Odd . " I 've seen you around school , passed you on the stage . " She then added as they rolled the rack down the hallway . " What ; d you THINK I meant ? " She asks with a smile . He shakes his head again , doing his best to avoid eye contact with the janitor that had passed away several months ago , before deciding to change the subject . " . . . So you 're Rose , right ? I 'm supposed to tell you to stay afterwards for your first rehearsal . " Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Incredible . " Damon said , " Incredible . " Damon said , then grabbing the chain to a one ton car with both hands and pulling it down , lifting the car upwards . He had no problem lifting it , but it was obvious he was putting in more effort than with the weights previously . After lifting the car a few times he decided to go to a two ton car , grabbing the chain and pulling it . He managed to lift this one as well and continued to lift it up and down for a moment , then moved on to a three ton car . He grabbed the chain and pulled it , able to lift this one as well , but lifted and lowered it only one time . He went on to a five ton car and grabbed the chain , pulling it downwards . He was able to lift it , but required more effort . He decided to stick with five tons for now , lifting it up and down . " He looks sad . . . I don 't think he was respected very well before he died , so at the very least we can try now . " With that said , she moves to pick up several items of trash left by careless students and depositing it in a wastebin . Turning back to Connor with a smile , she replies , probably answering his question . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 In the seats watching the In the seats watching the stage was the wayward spirit Misty Sinclair . She didn 't expect anyone to notice her she was relaxed and wasn 't making herself material . Those who could see her would see she had her feet propped up on the seat and would be revealing given she has a very short leather skirt on . Dressed like a Goth girl her outfit was once black now she 's dead it comes out a gray variation . If someone really focus on her arms they were see fant puncture marks for needles . She was also being annoying though she believed no one could hear her making cat calls and insulting those on stage . " What is this a Elementary school production ? I seen better at a kindergarten show ! " At the Gym Robert went to the sparing dummies . The ones if you hit one arm the other spins around to hit you . It was great practice learning how to attack and switch to blocking fast . The harder you hit the faster you have to block . Just what he needed to work on . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor sighs . " . . . I had a Connor sighs . " . . . I had a feeling that 's what you meant , " he says , looking back at the janitor . " I 've been having regular conversations with that guy from the day he died . Considering nobody talked to him anyway , I wonder if he even knows he 's dead . " He looks back at Rose . " Connor Gateman , current Wicket Door , if that makes any sense to you . " RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 " Oh my ! It 's freaky when " Oh my ! It 's freaky when people notice me like that ! What the matter deary can 't take a little criticism . " She laughed " Besides I hate scaring kids I may be a pain , but I 'm not a monster . " She then sticks her tongue out at Rose " Go right ahead make yourself look foolish no one else can see me . . . . wait can anyone else see me ? " She stands up and turns around bending over flashing Rose " I was so sure I was invisible to live folk . " D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 " We can all see you . Best " We can all see you . Best Ghost Ever , ten out of ten , " Connor said passively as he attended to the costume rack . Hopefully two people would be enough to pull off the bluff . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 Damon stopped lifting the Damon stopped lifting the five ton car and turned to the exit . On his way out he noticed Dennis lifting up ten tons without problem . " Enough for me today , I 've got other classes to catch . " He said to the coach before leaving the danger room . " Rosella Burdelon , latest with in the Burdelon line and voodoo priestess when it suits me . And don 't worry , they are too engrossed in the script to noticed . . . and no I mean like moreso than the rest of us , it 's kinda creepy . " She points to the circle of students backstage , eyeing the script like it 's a godsend . Leaving the rack near the left curtain , she turns to lead Connor near Misty so it appears like a regular conversation . . . mostly . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 " Job summary , Death 's " Job summary , Death 's Paperboy , " he says in complete deadpan , rolling his eyes slightly before lowering his voice , " when people die , I 'm the doorman and the welcoming committee . When someone starts going on a murderous rampage , it 's my job to , you know , stop . . . That , " he says , waving vaguely . " Fun job . Wonderful benefits . " RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 " Don 't worry about little old " Don 't worry about little old me . I even saved your lives . . . well okay I just fought a battle with some creepy demon things . Just it so BOOORING being dead . " She looked to the group of students with the scrips . Being closer they could guess her age was about 19 or 20 . She rose up and flew over to them and yanked the scrip out of one of the students hands . He blinked and looked to the script " Seems I have a case of butter fingers . " He reached down to pick it up as Misty returned to her seat . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor shrugs , towing the Connor shrugs , towing the clothing rack to where it had to be . " You 'll figure it out , " he said with a sigh as he checked his clipboard for a moment , " or . . . Something . " He looks up , then turns a page on his board over . Near the wall of the danger room , Alicia Crane sits by herself , rreading a book . Considering she isn 't watching the jocks do their thing , nor doing anything herself , it seems odd that she would pick a training room as a place to sit , let alone read . Every once in a while , the other students cast glances in her direction , none of them seeming all that favorable . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 Gym was about over for Robert Gym was about over for Robert so he ended his practice and went for the locker room to change . Removing his shirt before he fully went in his body wasn 't buffed it was a lean build more for speed then power . Right before he reached the locker room his back flared and he stumbled bracing himself against the wall as the power surge raced along his artificial nerves . He knew what it meant , somewhere in his body new nanites were taking over extending the network and augmenting more of his natural body . He stumiched down the fear . . how long till he was technically a machine ? " I told the witch doctor I was in love with you . And then the witch doctor , he told me what to do . He said that . . . . Ooo eee , ooo ah ah ting tang Walla walla , bing bang Ooo eee , ooo ah ah ting tang Walla walla , bing bang . . . " She laughed . " I want everyone here after school for the first rehearsal , including you Mister Gateman ! " He adds before stepping out himself to head backstage . Rose turns back to Connor with a smile . " We can take care of it after school , and don 't worry , secret 's safe with me . " With that said , she heads to her locker to retrieve her American History textbook , hoping that her next class would be mostly uneventful . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 " Don 't worry about me cutie . " Don 't worry about me cutie . Who am I going to tell ? The Janitor ? " Misty said now that the auditions were over there wasn 't really anything to pick on so she drifted up in the air and floated for the doors . " Do they still shower after Gym class ? " Gladatoria Offline Last seen : 2 days 6 hours ago Joined : 09 / 08 / 2013 - 14 : 20 Rosella , almost on a second Rosella , almost on a second thought , realized that one , she was so out of it she didn 't realize she had a free period , and that History was not until third . Placing the book sheepishly back in her locker , she returned to the Auditorium to find it mostly empty save for Toni , Connor , and Misty . Entering quietly , she decided to rarely and openly practice her abilities , willing herself to invisibility as she travels to her friend 's position . Seating herself right beside Misty , she allows herself to return to visibility in a emerald haze , sitting crosslegged like she had been there the entire time . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 43 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 Toni noticed Rose talking to Toni noticed Rose talking to thin air , so he concentrated on a spell Setzer had taught him . It let him see Misty , vaguely , and hear her . But she was leaving , so he didn 't worry about her . He noticed Shepherd being given a tour , and Connor checking his notepad . " What 's up , Connor ? Caught the acting bug ? " RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 Misty stopped spotting Misty stopped spotting Shepherd " Hey I know that guy . " Makes a face " Really what 's the point of being invisible and unnoticed if like half the people in the room can see and hear you ! That 's like cheating ! " D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor looks up for a moment , Connor looks up for a moment , shakes his head , then looks back down at the clipboard . " I 'm stage managing . Not acting , " he says plainly , flipping another page over before looking up . " Wait , you 're not part of the cast , are you ? " Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 43 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 " Anthony Mercer . " It " Anthony Mercer . " It probably wasn 't down as Toni . . . Stalker Offline Last seen : 12 hours 49 min ago Joined : 05 / 21 / 2014 - 20 : 28 Finally , second period was Finally , second period was starting up . Anything was better than sitting alone in the cafeteria for the past hour or so . Well . . . Technically speaking , some huge guy had come through , but he seemed more content to just eat on his own than to chit - chat . Either way , Vince closed down his game of Clicky Cape and stashed his headphones and made his way to class . He stopped by his locker to pick out his book for the class and seemed to linger a minute longer than he needed to , letting out a sigh . He didn 't know anybody here . Not really . He 'd been transferred in just today , so what point was there to try very hard right away ? He pressed his forehead against the cool aluminum shelf in the middle of his locker and shut his eyes for a second . Just taking in the sounds and the hustle - bustle of the students talking between classes . He noted the social groups all around him . The geekier kids who focused on studies . The nerdier kids who cared more for different media . The sports kids and drama kids , and then there were the odd ones out . The supers . They were Pariah 's and idols at the same time . Something to be jealous of , but also fearful of . . . Where did he actually belong then ? Finally , he clicked his door shut and gave the dial a careless spin . Some students lodged paperclips into their lockers to make it easier to open later , but Vince certainly didn 't trust this peer - group right now . Finally he made his way to his sciences class . He walked in with the stragglers , taking a seat near the back , and closer to the window . A good place to not be noticed . He liked the subject . Science . It seemed to hold secrets to unlock the universe , though the current class was much more simple . Chemistry at least meant he 'd be forced into pairing up with another student at some point . He 'd try to make friends then . . . That is , unless the teacher made him introduce himself first . Xselcier Offline Last seen : 3 days 12 hours ago Joined : 08 / 26 / 2013 - 11 : 54 " Mr . Cain ! What have I told " Mr . Cain ! What have I told you about defacing private property ? " said a harsh Arabic voice from behind Dennis as all the snacks he 'd taken from the machine left his arms and pockets . The orderly line of bagged chips and candy bars floated back to the machine , slotting themselves back in to the springs . As they did this , the man speaking walked around in front of Dennis . It was Mr . Al - Zawari , Biochemistry teacher and resident telekinetic . - Putting yourself in another persons shoes emotionally is something that everyone has to experience eventually . It 's part of learning to be a human being . Roleplayers do it for fun . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor looks up again , his Connor looks up again , his brow furrowed at Rose 's odd choice of words . " Am I alright what ? " He says , looking back down at his clipboard for a moment before looking back up at her . He then looks to Toni , and after scanning his pages for the ' alternative ' name that he had offered , gave a nod of approval before adding a small checkmark to the side with his pencil . " I 'm uh . . . I 'm fine , I 'm fine . Just concentrating . Mostly . " Xselcier Offline Last seen : 3 days 12 hours ago Joined : 08 / 26 / 2013 - 11 : 54 " Thank you for your input , Ms " Thank you for your input , Ms . Crane . But Mr . Cain has been warned about this infraction before . " Mr . Al - Zawari said , looking over at the quiet girl and nodding . - Putting yourself in another persons shoes emotionally is something that everyone has to experience eventually . It 's part of learning to be a human being . Roleplayers do it for fun . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 29 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 Misty laughed " Oh well I 'm Misty laughed " Oh well I 'm sure if this was my only haunting ground I could think of some ways to entertain myself . Luckily it seems I 'm bound to Titan City itself and can go anywhere in it 's limits . Right now I 'm going to scout around . Perhaps a group who aren 't composed of Mediums . After all what else is a Poltergeist to do then cause mischief ! " Then Misty flew through the wall laughing . Robert ran into science class just as the bell rang and settled down at a table noting a new kid in class . He reached over to offer a handshake to Vince . " Hey , I 'm Robert Tanner nice to meet you . " Unknown to Robert his eyes were now silvery the modifications the nanites made were to his very eyes . " Mr Al - Zawari is right , you have been warned about this larceny before Mr . Cain . As such , three days of after school detention starting today , and you must work to help repair the machine you so haphazardly destroyed , the right way . " The holographic figure then turns to Alicia , as she states further . " Miss Crane , Principal Ellis would like to speak with you during 6th period . Her room is opposite the library , A104 . " With that , she fades away in a blue haze . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 " Uh huh , " Connor says in " Uh huh , " Connor says in response to Rose 's explanation , apparently not seeming to think it was all that strange despite his original reaction . He watches Toni carefully as he peeks at the clipboard . . . But there are no roles there . All that 's listed is a hand - written attendance sheet . " If you 're looking for something specific , you should try asking Miss Hall , she 's the director , " Connor says , flipping to another page before checking over another list of handwritten notes , " all that Mister Theroux and I have are technical notes and things that have to get done , " he says with a shrug . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 43 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 " Yeap , she 's bilingual . Me , " Yeap , she 's bilingual . Me , I have to study French , in about three minutes . Guess I 'll be seeing you later , Rose ! " Toni headed off to his French class . " I imagine you also have a free period as well ? And out of curiosity , are you alright ? " She looks him over with a pair of piercing emerald eyes , and her tone makes it clear she actually , genuinely cares . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 " Stage managers skip class " Stage managers skip class during tech periods because we have things to do , " Connor says , looking up at her for a few moments . He frowned a bit , seeming a bit puzzled as to why she was staring at him , but ultimately didn 't seem too disturbed by it . After a few more seconds of checking things off , he walked over to a nearby chair , sitting down and tucking his pencil into the clip on his clipboard with a sigh . " Yeah . I 'm fine . Just tired , " he says after reclining a bit . " Sleeping trouble . " Alicia nods politely , looking to ESSI for a moment more in acknowledgement . " Yes ma ' am . I 'll head over right away . " Seemingly , she meant it , immediately making her way along the same route that Dennis had taken a few moments earlier , passing by his locker on the way to the principle 's office . She takes a deep breath upon reaching the door , then slowly , carefully reaches up and gives the door two knocks . Despite the delicacy of the moment , they still come off as quite loud . At the very least however , it wasn 't door - shattering . " So many people in this city , you must be overworked ferrying them to the afterlife . " Deduces , before inquiring . " Do you enjoy being the Wicket Door ? " " Since I imagine ESSI informed you of our reason for meeting , I 'll be frank . In the heat of the unnessecary fanfare against your enrollment here , my colleagues neglected to ask how you personally feel about the parameters in place , and arranging your classes for your safety and comfort as well as other students . So in short : what is your stance in the matter and how would you like to modify your status , Alicia ? " She then offers a disarming smile , and a hand to shake , the other occupied with manifesting a cobalt force field the size of a plate , and maneuvering a pot of green tea and two china teacups to the coffee table before them both . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor shrugs , rubbing his Connor shrugs , rubbing his eyes for a brief moment afterwards . " Depends . Sometimes it 's sort - of annoying . Other times , you get a decent amount of satisfaction knowing that you 're helping people finally find peace , " he says with a shrug , " especially since there isn 't really much to be found around here , at least most of the time , " he adds under his breath . He turns , looking up to where the ghost had been a few moments before , and after failing to see her there , instead sighs and turns his gaze to the lighting fixtures above the stage . " Though I suppose it could be worse . I haven 't run into any Reapers just yet . " Alicia shakes the principle 's hand and takes a seat , but offers nothing in return other than the slightest of smiles . She sits almost stoically , with her hands in her lap , and her back straight , the power lines on her bracers and the central power note on her belt glowing softly , along with her white eyes . " . . . I 'm not sure I follow , " she says after a moment of silence , " if by my status , you mean my class lineup , then I think it would be best to keep the safety of others as a top concern , " she says , her voice somewhat emotionless . At least outwardly , it 's a bit difficult to tell how she truly feels about her current situation . Stalker Offline Last seen : 12 hours 49 min ago Joined : 05 / 21 / 2014 - 20 : 28 Vince looked up at the Vince looked up at the partially nanite 'd teen with a slight bewilderment . Piercing metallic eyes looked back down at him , but they weren 't judging for the moment . Rather , it was the eyes of the normal students that seemed to be judging the two at the moment . Had he managed to not be noticed by the others that easily ? - - " Vince . " He replied abruptly , shaking the hand with a quick grip and a single up and down motion . " - - transfered in today . " he added , shifting an arm to cover a doodle on his binder . It was just one of those . . . S things . You know , the really geometric things that show up on at least half a dozen binders during school . Yeah , you know . . . The S - thing ! http : / / i . imgur . com / U9IsW . jpg It wasn 't an important detail really , though the freehand lines came out decent , and he 'd used pen only , so that meant he could probably draw alright ? Who knew . Besides that one doodle , the binder looked clean .
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Gladatoria Offline Last seen : 2 days 6 hours ago Joined : 09 / 08 / 2013 - 14 : 20 James Duncan High Open RP Nestled within the district of Old Braford , James Duncan High is a relatively new educational institution founded in 2012 , but it 's worth can 't be counted in years , but it 's purpose and facets . Named after the famed and fallen hero American Star , James Duncan High functions a revolutionary magnet school , it 's stellar curriculum catering to the needs of two populations : nonpowered and powered students . It 's facilities carry a old - world traditional sense of architecture meshed with cutting edge technology and alluring and smart decor , such as a holographic display above the dual sets of fountains near the front of the building bearing the various deeds of heroes throughout the day within the news . It 's overall structure is a initial brickwork outlined by solid titanium plating , mixed with other alloys often provided by scientific heroes as it faces reconstruction . Walking though the halls , a student would be introduced to the necessary locations within the school grounds by a onsite AI named ESSI , or Educational Systems and Security Interface . Classrooms aside from the obviously different standards of Fine Arts are equipped with desk interfaces that stream a miniaturized version of the smartboard lesson , and are detachable for greater ease of access . It 's cafeteria is outlined with the school 's colors of Red and Gold , bears fully stocked and functional kitchens , televisions that display local and school news , and a pristine view of a large open air courtyard along it 's perimeter that is used to hold dances , and separates the main school from the gym and sports facilities . It 's fine arts department is also notable , as aside from a Orchestra and Art hallway , Digital Media Room and Auditorium , it 's Drama organization is it 's pride and joy aside from it 's stellar football team , the James Duncan All Stars . Currently pacing before class starts within this room is a rather stressed Rosella Burdelon , who awaits the results of her audition for the role of Elphaba in the school 's first production of Wicked . Despite the relative irony of her role , Rose aims to do the best she can , though she is rudely reminded that competition brings out the best of the worst in people , as resident mean girl and former friend Madison Groves strolls in . Clad in a fashionable black nearly see - through blouse and semi short gold silk skirt , partnered with knee high black heeled boots , and full lengths of steely blond hair and piercing grey eyes , Madison 's model like attire grossly parallels that of Rose 's . " My concealer is Cle de Peau , Rosie . One bottle was probably worth more than your gypsy camp ! " Rose blinks at the insult , before simply shaking her head at the girl , muttering in french before replying . " One , I 'm French creole sweetheart , not that you have the brains to even spell the phrase . And two , I 'd slap you , but contracting herpes is not on my list of things to do today , Madison . " She states in a rather expert Boston Brahman accent nearly identical to Madison 's own , who opens her mouth to retort , but chooses silence as they move to their respective seats , as students file in , as does the teacher , ending the verbal war . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 Stepping off the bus there Stepping off the bus there was little to tell that the teen aged Robert was a bit more then normal . Baggy jeans , sneakers , a white t shirt , blue hoodie , and black back pack . That was until you spot his back . The glow from the fiberoptics of his cybernetic spine shone through the fabric of the shirt , up to his bald head where it connects to the back of his skull with metallic spider like webbing of metal and faint blue nano cords seen under his skin . His viser connected to the metal band that ends at his ears and on his left arm he had a wearable computer gauntlet like device . He pulled up his hood over his head trying to hide his shaved condition . Without warning a crumbled up paper wad came flying and thought it was aimed for the back of his head he leaned to the left just in time to avoid being hit . He even caught it with his right hand and tossed it into the trash can he was passing . Just another morning at James Duncan High . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 37 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 Toni Mercer didn 't have the Toni Mercer didn 't have the figure of either Rose or Maddie , but that was perfectly understandable . The clothing he usually wore could be thought of as " unisex " , and most of the people who realized he was male assumed he was gay . Not that he had a problem with people making that assumption , as long as they kept things civil . . . Toni smiled and nodded at Rosie as he found his own seat . From his pack he pulled out two sheets of music . Which one would he use for the audition ? Fortunately , being in the middle of the alphabet he had time to decide . He hoped he wouldn 't choose the same one Rose did ; he had gotten the role of Viola in Twelfth Night and didn 't find out until later that Rose had wanted it . Ah , well , at least she had beaten Maddie for Olivia . Which would she choose ? Elphaba was the lead role , but from what he 'd learned last week it was hitting the nail a bit squarely . Finally , he went with his gut instinct , and put " Popular " on top . If he guessed wrong , he had a fifty - fifty chance of being able to change it , depending on which end of the alphabet the auditions started on . . . Gladatoria Offline Last seen : 2 days 6 hours ago Joined : 09 / 08 / 2013 - 14 : 20 Rose smiles to Toni as he Rose smiles to Toni as he enters , but takes a moment to note his music choice , commenting quietly from her seat beside him . " Oh , I chose No Good Deed , but don 't let that stop you . " The statement would earn a scoff from Madison , who inquires incredulously . " And you think you can pull it off ? Last time I checked Elphaba wasn 't loaded with silicon . " She insults , earning quite a few ' ooohs ' from the rest of the classroom . Madison , not yet yielding , simply turns to switch targets , staring down Toni like a snake . " Oh give me a break fruit loops , at least she can carry half a note . " She hisses , adding . " But I suppose you have better taste in clothes . . . for your standards I suppose . " Any other comments she could have lobbed are effectively cut off when she makes an attempt to plop into her chair , instead hitting the carpet hard on her backside , but the chair didn 't seem to move . . . almost as if it phased through to those with otherwordly senses . " Toni , are you ready ? " She asks with a smile , gesturing to the open door before Rose comments . " Just remember to breathe and not to overcomplicate the piece , you 'll be fine ! " Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 37 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 In the auditorium , Toni In the auditorium , Toni passed the sheet music to the pianist . Unfortunately , Maddie wasn 't in the auditorium at the moment ; she 'd have made a perfect target for some of the innuendoes . On the other hand , best to keep it as intended . He sang the piece contralto ( well within his usable range ) , and did , he thought , fairly well . " Very nice Toni , and the dynamics were sound . I really can 't nitpick here . . . but I was wondering why not Fiyero ? What made you choose Popular ? " She inquires with her everpresent honeylike tone , making it clear that brief stardom didn 't change how she treated anyone , and she was generally interested . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 The door suddenly busts open The door suddenly busts open and a simple " Sorry i 'm late , teacher . " Could be heard . The door opener stepped in and revealed to be Venomscale aka Damon Blake . He was a reptilian humanoid , with dark green scales covering his body , except the front where he had just horizontally striped though skin , colored tan . He also had a reptilian tail covered in scales . His hands and feet were clawed , and his eyes are red with black vertical stripe pupils . His head resembled a lizard much more than a human . He was wearing a sleeveless brown leather vest and blue jeans held in place by a black leather belt . He didn 't have any shoes due to his clawed feet . He walked to a chair to sit down and once he had gotten closer a small dent in his scales on the left shoulder could be seen , as if someone had attempted to stab him with a knife . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 37 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 " Good question . After all , I " Good question . After all , I need to exercise the lower end of my range , as well . I suppose it was just the habit of going for a showier number . " Toni considered that possibility that Miss Hall was a mind reader . He couldn 't think of a good reason to dismiss the idea . . . Elsewhere , Miss Hall simply smiles as she replies . " Well I see no point in arguing your decision , and yes , for your information , I am a telepath . . that 's part of the reason I left Broadway . You couldn 't go an inch across that stage without hearing what everyone thought of you , no matter how good or grand your performance was . " She reveals in a subdued tone before adding with a wry smile . " But for now shall we keep that a secret , most staff members know it , but I would prefer to leave it a surprise to Miss Groves and the like . " She can 't suppress a sneer at the end of the sentence , showing that she clearly wasn 't fond of the venomous girl . Shaking her head , she states in her usual and kind tone . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 Venomscale stopped lifting Venomscale stopped lifting and looked at the bully . " Your mouth is full of shit , i think you were in the sewer last night . " He replied , while clenching his hands into fists , careful not to scratch himself with his own claws . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 37 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 Toni nodded . " That did seem Toni nodded . " That did seem implied , yes . And of course , I figure you 'll give me whichever role you think will make the better play , or teach us more , or maybe both ? " " All of the above , and I think I have just the part , though you 'll get your role tomorrow ; got to build up SOME suspense now . " She jokes , before leading him back to the Drama room , in which he is gently and kindly ambushed by a smiling Rose and a not so happy Madison , who 's presence feels icy to say the least . Madison speaks frist , much to Rose 's chargin , as Miss Hall takes the next student to the auditorium , though giving Toni a clear look and message : ' If she gets out of line , simply beep me . ' " So , assuming you didn 't flop the entire thing I suppose your my only competition . besides gypsy queen over here . . " She mocks , with emphasis on the word gypsy , as Rose simply flips Madison the bird whilst addressing Toni . " Excuse the dog , she hasn 't had the tact to be spayed yet . And I 'm sure you nailed it Toni . . . but don 't think this means I won 't try any less harder to show you up . " She smiles to him , a clear look of genuine friendship passed as she walks away , sitting promptly to look through her sheet music , examining notes for future improvement . Meanwhile , Madison simply glares him down as she challenges . " If you have any dignity left , I suggest dropping out of the play now . . . then again , it 'd be fun to traunce you both . Ciao , fruit loops . " She deadpans on the last statement , before sauntering over to her own flock to compare notes on their auditions . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 Damon then said : " You are far Damon then said : " You are far too ignorant . And i 'm not sure you even know what ignorant means . " He then got down on all four and stood that way for a moment , but then hissed and leapt forward whit great speed to deliver a straight punch to Kyle 's nose . Note that Damon has super strength . Gladatoria Offline Last seen : 2 days 6 hours ago Joined : 09 / 08 / 2013 - 14 : 20 Kyle was sent several feet Kyle was sent several feet sprawling back by Damon 's sudden punch , a crunch heard as his nose is also promptly broken , blood streeaming down his face as Kyle struggles to get up against a weight rack , clutching his face . Any attempts for the boys to engage in round two is stunted by holographic figure of ESSI appearing before them . Modeled after the school 's principal Janet Ellis , a former heroine herself with the powers of kinetic field generation , it 's appearance is that of a stern looking woman with her hair in a tight bun , clad in a simple glowing business suit and skirt . " That is quite enough , Damon . Coach Wright please escort Mister Coleman to the Nurse 's office . " She commands , as the stiff man does so , urging the boy up angirly in response to his remarks , giving a curt if not slight nod of respect to Damon before exiting the room . " Since this is your first incident on school grounds , Miss Ellis has seen fit to provide you with only two sessions of after school detention , from 2 : 30 to 5 : 30 this afternoon and tomorrow . She also stated that she expects more from you given your academic performance . " With that statement , ESSI in a fold of blue , as other students staring at the scene give their differing reactions , mostly all smiles in Damon 's direction , save for the sneers of Kyle 's abandoned peers , who sulk off to the other side of the room leaderless for now . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Totally worth it . " Damon " Totally worth it . " Damon said , then turned to continue his weightlifting , given that the class has not ended yet . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 The moment the hologram The moment the hologram appeared Robert done the normal teenage boy behavior . " Wasn 't me . " Now that events were over he returned to his Jeet Kun Do practice striking a sand bag with quick fast minimal movement attacks . A perfect fighting style for someone with super fast reflexes , but wasn 't a speedster . " I think you broke his nose . He get lucky or did you pull your punch ? " Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Gossip is just gossip . I don " Gossip is just gossip . I don 't care . That punch pretty much came from everyone here except for his goons . " Xselcier Offline Last seen : 3 days 12 hours ago Joined : 08 / 26 / 2013 - 11 : 54 A voice from over at the A voice from over at the bench press where Damon had been joined the conversation . " A solid hit , Scales . A little brutish and unbalanced , but effective nonetheless . " The speaker was a short , stocky guy with pale skin , auburn hair , and ice - blue eyes . He smiled easily as he leaned on the bar of the bench press . " Me , I prefer a bit more subtlety in my approach to sending a message . Check the goon squad over there . " he said , indicating Kyle 's posse sulking by the leg press . At the corner of Robert and Damon 's eyes , the red - haired young man would seem to flicker briefly . Then Kyle 's goons were hollering and tripping over themselves as they 'd all been pantsed and their shoelaces had been tied together . The short guy smiled again and walked over to Damon and Robert . " How ya doin ' ? I 'm Andy Donovan . " - Putting yourself in another persons shoes emotionally is something that everyone has to experience eventually . It 's part of learning to be a human being . Roleplayers do it for fun . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 Damon paused the Damon paused the weightlifting to look at Kyle 's goons as they start tripping . " Impressive speed . I 'm Damon Blake . " He released his right hand from the weights to give Andy a handshake , careful not to injure him with his clawed hand . " Doing good , but i feel like i 'm lifting wooden sticks here . " He said . Andy would notice that Damon has no trouble at all holding the maxed out weight bar with one hand . Xselcier Offline Last seen : 3 days 12 hours ago Joined : 08 / 26 / 2013 - 11 : 54 " Oh , it 's not speed , persay . " Oh , it 's not speed , persay . Watch the clock there . " he said , pointing at the wall . The clock 's second hand ticked to : 55 , then it took five seconds to tick from : 55 to : 56 . After that , it progressed from : 56 to : 01 almost instantly . Andy grinned and leaned back on his arms . - Putting yourself in another persons shoes emotionally is something that everyone has to experience eventually . It 's part of learning to be a human being . Roleplayers do it for fun . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Time manipulation , then . " Time manipulation , then . Still impressive . " He said as he watched the clock . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 37 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 Toni smiled at both girls , Toni smiled at both girls , though if she were perceptive Maddie might have noticed the one directed at her was a bit fake . " Of course I didn 't flop . And I expect nothing less than your best from either of you . " Looking at Maddie , his smile faded as he added , " For whatever your best is worth . " In fact , if there were three things that landed him the stage management job for the school play , they were the fact that he was always early , the fact that he almost never talks unless he has to , and the fact that he has a free period first thing Tuesday Morning . To be fair , however , as Connor tapped his pencil against his clipboard while waiting for further instruction from the play 's director , his sunken eyes began to drift away , staring off into space as he thought of all the wonderful dreams that he could be having at that hour . After all , it wasn 't his fault that he could see ghosts , and it was even less of his fault to consider that they have the tendency to keep people up at night . Sure , every once in a while you get something interesting from a few of them ( a group of Union soldiers that once wandered through the walls of his bedroom gave him enough information to pass his Civil War test a few months ago ) , but more often than not , there 's a lot of noise , as if there were about six times as many people out on the streets at night than there should be . Connor pulled himself back to reality for a few moments as he realized that the director 's lips were moving again . He instinctively grabbed the paper coffee - cup next to him , nearly spilling it as he took a haphazard sip , and immediately begin scribbling on the paper attached to the clipboard . " . . . Sorry . Say that again ? " blue5150 Offline Last seen : 5 months 2 weeks ago Joined : 04 / 29 / 2014 - 12 : 43 The 72 classic olds 442 The 72 classic olds 442 pulled into the student parking . It wasn 't the prettiest looking car , it had a few dents and was a dull flat grey color . However the engine purred with perfection . Keith had spent countless hours restoring it . All he needed to do was finish the body work . He left the convertible top down and hopped out . He walked up to the school and opened the door . Her wore his school jacket with pride . He was a co captain of the hockey team and captain of the baseball team . " Mr Gateman , if you are done we still need those costumes rolled in from the drama room , Miss Hall left a key near your cup . And also , I 'd be sure to wipe away the coffee mustache before heading there . " He smiles as he notes , moving to the other wide of the stage before adding . " And please inform Miss Groves , Miss Burdelon and Mister Mercer that Miss Hall would like them to stay after school , same as you for dress rehearsal . " " If I didn 't know any better , I think she sees you as a threat . . . relish in that for a moment . And also , calm down . . . excessive studying is just going to tire you out for the rehearsal , whatever you get is whatever you get , mon ami . " She states softly . Stalker Offline Last seen : 12 hours 43 min ago Joined : 05 / 21 / 2014 - 20 : 28 The Jock King would find his The Jock King would find his way into the nurse 's office , feeling a pulse of empathy almost immediately . In front of the red - mohawked menace was a scrawny boy sitting in a chair , turned towards the nurse with his hands folded in his lap and his leg pumping a hundred times per minute . He was nervous . . . He wore a basic Zipper Hoodie , navy blue , and tan cargo pants with simple , mid - price - range sneakers . He was one of those students who the Jock had never given a second thought to . The Nurse herself was reading over the paper in her hands : a doctor 's note , and also spoke with a man over the phone . Presumably the Doctor . " Yes I understand that he 's a special case . He seems to have the opposite effect . . . " The student in front of the nurse turned to see Kyle and offered him a couple paper towels to deal with the bleeding on his face . A good few drips had already reached his shirt and stained in ugly patterns with the already - existing sweat stains . The scrawny boy avoided saying anything , afraid he might pull on the wrong emotional chord and get himself in trouble with the populars . Kyle gave one of those cocky upward head nobs of ' thanks kid ' that the upper crust liked to do . The only reason he even fit in , this smaller teen , was because his powers were never out . The larger jock dabbed the blood from his face , careful to avoid touching his nose to make it hurt . He gave the outward tough - guy expression , even though he was in pain . Finally the Nurse hung up the phone and signed the document . " Okay Vincent . Now , I 'm approving your medication , but I need you to take this form to the principal . I 've signed it , so she knows it has my okay . " The teacher handed the paper and an unmarked flask to the boy , as well as a measuring cup that often came with cough syrup . Kyle gave an odd look to the nurse . Was he just given booze as medication ? " Remember Vincent , you 're only supposed to take 2 ounces at most , every 8 hours . A little bit during lunch , and you should be good until you get home . A little bit when you wake up , and a little bit before you go to bed . . . " The Nurse let out a sigh and shook her head . " I still find it hard to believe that you need to take CHASER of all things to stay like that . " Vincent winced at the word she used . Chaser was an unfortunate necessity to keep his power in check . If he didn 't take it , the likely scenario was that he 'd start heating up until everything around him starting bursting into flame . Vince nodded and gave a small " thanks . . . " before scurrying out the door . He hurried down to the principle 's office to relay the newly signed note . blue5150 Offline Last seen : 5 months 2 weeks ago Joined : 04 / 29 / 2014 - 12 : 43 As he entered the school he 'd As he entered the school he 'd be greeted by everyone . " what 's up man " another jock would say as he passed . " Hi Keith " a couple of girls would flirtatiously chime . Other popular kids would just hold thier fist out and nod as Keith fist bumped and returned the subtle nod . He was popular and charming . Even the teachers liked him . Always on time with assignments and didn 't even have to struggle to keep his 4 . 0 . Smart , handsome , charming , popular , and athletic . All should have been perfect in his world . It wasn 't . He 'd been sent to this school when his parents lost custody . He never talked about it . He was just gład his aunt welcomed him with open arms . He was different , but never let on . Her being different as well made it all easier to understand . As he walked up to his locker he passed the auditorium . Someone was singing , she sounded good he noted . Then he passed the gym where he spent alot of time . When he got to his locker he opened it up and placed a few books in it . Then he heard the locker next to him start to talk . " Little help here " a soft and almost nerdy voice said . Keith smiled , but tried to hide it as he opened the other locker . A short and skinny underclasman spilled out onto the floor . Pens and books and loose change scattering . " heya mort " . Keith said as he helped the much smaller guy up . " thanks Keith " mort replied . " I 'm glad you 're not like those other jerks . " who was it this time ? " Keith asked . " Steve and his crew " mort answered . " oh andthey took my lunch money " . Mort said frantically searching his pockets . " don 't worry , find me then and ill treat . " Keith said offering mort one of his granola bars . Mort took it as the bell wrang . " Oh no ! ! ! I can 't be late to thus class . " he quickly gathered some loose papers then turned to rush to class . He quickly turned back as Keith handed him the textbook he needed . He just looked at Keith , shook his head and took of down the hall . " we 'll Monica 's parents are in Fiji soooo . House party there ok ? " she turned and walked away looking back at Keith as he headed to class . " I 'll let you know " he said hustling by her trying not to be late . He then got to the door and walked in . He sat up front and took out his book . This was his favorite class . History Wipe away coffee mustache . He blinked , wiped his lip , crossed the instruction out , and nodded sleepily . " Alright Mister Theroux , " he said somewhat sleepily , before getting up and heading to the door . He paused , hand halfway to the doorknob , and stood there for a brief moment as he debated using the Sparklock Spell to make things easier . He eventually decided against it with a sigh ; as nice as convenience was , keeping a good secret was more important . He opened the door to the hallway , stepping out and making a beeline to the costume shop . It was a short trip , considering the school 's layout , but when he arrived , the costume crew itself seemed abscent . " Oh right . First period class , " he muttered to himself , flipping to an empty piece of paper and scrawling a note before placing it atop a rumpled costume . He exited , closing the door behind him quietly . Next , the auditioners . Hopefully nobody would bother him on the way over . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 " Wow time manipulation . That " Wow time manipulation . That 's kind of rare isn 't it . Me technically I 'm a normal kid , just I have this . " He pulled up the back of his shirt and showed off the cybernetic spine . " A successful failure . It repaired the damage to my back was only supposed to be three vertebrae but it kept growing replacing my entire spine now it going into my skull and taking over my entire nervous system . Even my sensory nerves are being replaced I used to need glasses when I was a kid now my eyesight better than normal . So much so I almost have a six sense . " He took a step back from the punching back and activated his overclocking abilities his spine lit up as the artificial nerves went into high speed . Then the delivered about ten punches to the punching bag in the same spot in about 4 seconds so he was pulling about 2 and half punches per second . Then it was over and the spine went dim as he caught his breath " Not quite super speed , but getting there , and I can only do it in short bursts . " " So , Connor , right ? " She smiles , and he would note she didn 't have to fish for his name like other students would if they didn 't know him , she clearly paid attention . She then adds with a smirk . Stalker Offline Last seen : 12 hours 43 min ago Joined : 05 / 21 / 2014 - 20 : 28 Finally Vince made it to the Finally Vince made it to the Principle 's office . Eyes were watching the halls , so he made the subtle move of simply placing the signed piece of paper int he Principle 's in - mailbox . He 'd been excused from first period class to take care of this , so He 'd have to catch the second period class session to start his day and meet anyone really . Until then . . . He decided to just chill in the cafeteria playing a little bit of Clicky Cape and snacking on twizzlers . The table he picked was off to a corner , his back to a wall and such . He wore a pair of normal earphones ; a cheap , 2 dollar , over the ear folding pair . Nerdy sound tracks played while he mindlessly flew his clicky cape hero between buildings to try to beat his highscore . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 " Well go ask the coach to use " Well go ask the coach to use the Danger Room . Were supposed to learn to control our abilities here that why we have a state of the art gym . Think you can even set the gravity in those rooms to higher than earth normal . Thought I don 't know personally haven 't used them . " Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Danger zone , huh ? " Damon " Danger room , huh ? " Damon said , thought for a moment , then added : " Not a bad idea . " Damon walked over to the coach and asked : " May I use the danger room ? " then quickly added : " This gym is useless for me , i 'm lifting wooden sticks here at the maximum weight on the weight bar . " Gideon Cross Offline Last seen : 6 days 16 hours ago Joined : 08 / 30 / 2013 - 19 : 04 Shepherd had entered the Shepherd had entered the school a he was being given a tour of the facilities . He had been planning on tutoring after seeing Toni and Rose in action . They peaked his interest in the fight . He figured if he could help them and others learn to control their powers more it would be a good way for him to keep busy on the days he wasn 't in the TCPD . " The weapons and obstacles that are erected will not kill you , but adapt to your limits . However , if at any time this gets too much , call out to ESSI , she is monitoring the room as we speak . " With that , he escorts the nonpowered boys out of the now Danger Room , before shouting as he leaves . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Now this is more like it . " " Now this is more like it . " Damon said , then walked over to a one ton car . " Can you set these up with chains so it 's more comfortable to lift these ? It 's not like the car will lose any weight . " D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor raises an eyebrow , and Connor raises an eyebrow , and begins pulling the rack out and into the next room . " . . . Right , " he says after a moment , looking at Rose with a furrowed brow . Something felt . . . Odd . " I 've seen you around school , passed you on the stage . " She then added as they rolled the rack down the hallway . " What ; d you THINK I meant ? " She asks with a smile . He shakes his head again , doing his best to avoid eye contact with the janitor that had passed away several months ago , before deciding to change the subject . " . . . So you 're Rose , right ? I 'm supposed to tell you to stay afterwards for your first rehearsal . " Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 " Incredible . " Damon said , " Incredible . " Damon said , then grabbing the chain to a one ton car with both hands and pulling it down , lifting the car upwards . He had no problem lifting it , but it was obvious he was putting in more effort than with the weights previously . After lifting the car a few times he decided to go to a two ton car , grabbing the chain and pulling it . He managed to lift this one as well and continued to lift it up and down for a moment , then moved on to a three ton car . He grabbed the chain and pulled it , able to lift this one as well , but lifted and lowered it only one time . He went on to a five ton car and grabbed the chain , pulling it downwards . He was able to lift it , but required more effort . He decided to stick with five tons for now , lifting it up and down . " He looks sad . . . I don 't think he was respected very well before he died , so at the very least we can try now . " With that said , she moves to pick up several items of trash left by careless students and depositing it in a wastebin . Turning back to Connor with a smile , she replies , probably answering his question . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 In the seats watching the In the seats watching the stage was the wayward spirit Misty Sinclair . She didn 't expect anyone to notice her she was relaxed and wasn 't making herself material . Those who could see her would see she had her feet propped up on the seat and would be revealing given she has a very short leather skirt on . Dressed like a Goth girl her outfit was once black now she 's dead it comes out a gray variation . If someone really focus on her arms they were see fant puncture marks for needles . She was also being annoying though she believed no one could hear her making cat calls and insulting those on stage . " What is this a Elementary school production ? I seen better at a kindergarten show ! " At the Gym Robert went to the sparing dummies . The ones if you hit one arm the other spins around to hit you . It was great practice learning how to attack and switch to blocking fast . The harder you hit the faster you have to block . Just what he needed to work on . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor sighs . " . . . I had a Connor sighs . " . . . I had a feeling that 's what you meant , " he says , looking back at the janitor . " I 've been having regular conversations with that guy from the day he died . Considering nobody talked to him anyway , I wonder if he even knows he 's dead . " He looks back at Rose . " Connor Gateman , current Wicket Door , if that makes any sense to you . " RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 " Oh my ! It 's freaky when " Oh my ! It 's freaky when people notice me like that ! What the matter deary can 't take a little criticism . " She laughed " Besides I hate scaring kids I may be a pain , but I 'm not a monster . " She then sticks her tongue out at Rose " Go right ahead make yourself look foolish no one else can see me . . . . wait can anyone else see me ? " She stands up and turns around bending over flashing Rose " I was so sure I was invisible to live folk . " D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 " We can all see you . Best " We can all see you . Best Ghost Ever , ten out of ten , " Connor said passively as he attended to the costume rack . Hopefully two people would be enough to pull off the bluff . Faceless Offline Last seen : 1 year 6 months ago Joined : 05 / 22 / 2014 - 12 : 24 Damon stopped lifting the Damon stopped lifting the five ton car and turned to the exit . On his way out he noticed Dennis lifting up ten tons without problem . " Enough for me today , I 've got other classes to catch . " He said to the coach before leaving the danger room . " Rosella Burdelon , latest with in the Burdelon line and voodoo priestess when it suits me . And don 't worry , they are too engrossed in the script to noticed . . . and no I mean like moreso than the rest of us , it 's kinda creepy . " She points to the circle of students backstage , eyeing the script like it 's a godsend . Leaving the rack near the left curtain , she turns to lead Connor near Misty so it appears like a regular conversation . . . mostly . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 " Job summary , Death 's " Job summary , Death 's Paperboy , " he says in complete deadpan , rolling his eyes slightly before lowering his voice , " when people die , I 'm the doorman and the welcoming committee . When someone starts going on a murderous rampage , it 's my job to , you know , stop . . . That , " he says , waving vaguely . " Fun job . Wonderful benefits . " RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 " Don 't worry about little old " Don 't worry about little old me . I even saved your lives . . . well okay I just fought a battle with some creepy demon things . Just it so BOOORING being dead . " She looked to the group of students with the scrips . Being closer they could guess her age was about 19 or 20 . She rose up and flew over to them and yanked the scrip out of one of the students hands . He blinked and looked to the script " Seems I have a case of butter fingers . " He reached down to pick it up as Misty returned to her seat . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor shrugs , towing the Connor shrugs , towing the clothing rack to where it had to be . " You 'll figure it out , " he said with a sigh as he checked his clipboard for a moment , " or . . . Something . " He looks up , then turns a page on his board over . Near the wall of the danger room , Alicia Crane sits by herself , rreading a book . Considering she isn 't watching the jocks do their thing , nor doing anything herself , it seems odd that she would pick a training room as a place to sit , let alone read . Every once in a while , the other students cast glances in her direction , none of them seeming all that favorable . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 Gym was about over for Robert Gym was about over for Robert so he ended his practice and went for the locker room to change . Removing his shirt before he fully went in his body wasn 't buffed it was a lean build more for speed then power . Right before he reached the locker room his back flared and he stumbled bracing himself against the wall as the power surge raced along his artificial nerves . He knew what it meant , somewhere in his body new nanites were taking over extending the network and augmenting more of his natural body . He stumiched down the fear . . how long till he was technically a machine ? " I told the witch doctor I was in love with you . And then the witch doctor , he told me what to do . He said that . . . . Ooo eee , ooo ah ah ting tang Walla walla , bing bang Ooo eee , ooo ah ah ting tang Walla walla , bing bang . . . " She laughed . " I want everyone here after school for the first rehearsal , including you Mister Gateman ! " He adds before stepping out himself to head backstage . Rose turns back to Connor with a smile . " We can take care of it after school , and don 't worry , secret 's safe with me . " With that said , she heads to her locker to retrieve her American History textbook , hoping that her next class would be mostly uneventful . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 " Don 't worry about me cutie . " Don 't worry about me cutie . Who am I going to tell ? The Janitor ? " Misty said now that the auditions were over there wasn 't really anything to pick on so she drifted up in the air and floated for the doors . " Do they still shower after Gym class ? " Gladatoria Offline Last seen : 2 days 6 hours ago Joined : 09 / 08 / 2013 - 14 : 20 Rosella , almost on a second Rosella , almost on a second thought , realized that one , she was so out of it she didn 't realize she had a free period , and that History was not until third . Placing the book sheepishly back in her locker , she returned to the Auditorium to find it mostly empty save for Toni , Connor , and Misty . Entering quietly , she decided to rarely and openly practice her abilities , willing herself to invisibility as she travels to her friend 's position . Seating herself right beside Misty , she allows herself to return to visibility in a emerald haze , sitting crosslegged like she had been there the entire time . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 37 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 Toni noticed Rose talking to Toni noticed Rose talking to thin air , so he concentrated on a spell Setzer had taught him . It let him see Misty , vaguely , and hear her . But she was leaving , so he didn 't worry about her . He noticed Shepherd being given a tour , and Connor checking his notepad . " What 's up , Connor ? Caught the acting bug ? " RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 Misty stopped spotting Misty stopped spotting Shepherd " Hey I know that guy . " Makes a face " Really what 's the point of being invisible and unnoticed if like half the people in the room can see and hear you ! That 's like cheating ! " D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor looks up for a moment , Connor looks up for a moment , shakes his head , then looks back down at the clipboard . " I 'm stage managing . Not acting , " he says plainly , flipping another page over before looking up . " Wait , you 're not part of the cast , are you ? " Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 37 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 " Anthony Mercer . " It " Anthony Mercer . " It probably wasn 't down as Toni . . . Stalker Offline Last seen : 12 hours 43 min ago Joined : 05 / 21 / 2014 - 20 : 28 Finally , second period was Finally , second period was starting up . Anything was better than sitting alone in the cafeteria for the past hour or so . Well . . . Technically speaking , some huge guy had come through , but he seemed more content to just eat on his own than to chit - chat . Either way , Vince closed down his game of Clicky Cape and stashed his headphones and made his way to class . He stopped by his locker to pick out his book for the class and seemed to linger a minute longer than he needed to , letting out a sigh . He didn 't know anybody here . Not really . He 'd been transferred in just today , so what point was there to try very hard right away ? He pressed his forehead against the cool aluminum shelf in the middle of his locker and shut his eyes for a second . Just taking in the sounds and the hustle - bustle of the students talking between classes . He noted the social groups all around him . The geekier kids who focused on studies . The nerdier kids who cared more for different media . The sports kids and drama kids , and then there were the odd ones out . The supers . They were Pariah 's and idols at the same time . Something to be jealous of , but also fearful of . . . Where did he actually belong then ? Finally , he clicked his door shut and gave the dial a careless spin . Some students lodged paperclips into their lockers to make it easier to open later , but Vince certainly didn 't trust this peer - group right now . Finally he made his way to his sciences class . He walked in with the stragglers , taking a seat near the back , and closer to the window . A good place to not be noticed . He liked the subject . Science . It seemed to hold secrets to unlock the universe , though the current class was much more simple . Chemistry at least meant he 'd be forced into pairing up with another student at some point . He 'd try to make friends then . . . That is , unless the teacher made him introduce himself first . Xselcier Offline Last seen : 3 days 12 hours ago Joined : 08 / 26 / 2013 - 11 : 54 " Mr . Cain ! What have I told " Mr . Cain ! What have I told you about defacing private property ? " said a harsh Arabic voice from behind Dennis as all the snacks he 'd taken from the machine left his arms and pockets . The orderly line of bagged chips and candy bars floated back to the machine , slotting themselves back in to the springs . As they did this , the man speaking walked around in front of Dennis . It was Mr . Al - Zawari , Biochemistry teacher and resident telekinetic . - Putting yourself in another persons shoes emotionally is something that everyone has to experience eventually . It 's part of learning to be a human being . Roleplayers do it for fun . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor looks up again , his Connor looks up again , his brow furrowed at Rose 's odd choice of words . " Am I alright what ? " He says , looking back down at his clipboard for a moment before looking back up at her . He then looks to Toni , and after scanning his pages for the ' alternative ' name that he had offered , gave a nod of approval before adding a small checkmark to the side with his pencil . " I 'm uh . . . I 'm fine , I 'm fine . Just concentrating . Mostly . " Xselcier Offline Last seen : 3 days 12 hours ago Joined : 08 / 26 / 2013 - 11 : 54 " Thank you for your input , Ms " Thank you for your input , Ms . Crane . But Mr . Cain has been warned about this infraction before . " Mr . Al - Zawari said , looking over at the quiet girl and nodding . - Putting yourself in another persons shoes emotionally is something that everyone has to experience eventually . It 's part of learning to be a human being . Roleplayers do it for fun . RottenLuck Offline Last seen : 3 hours 24 min ago Joined : 12 / 05 / 2012 - 20 : 32 Misty laughed " Oh well I 'm Misty laughed " Oh well I 'm sure if this was my only haunting ground I could think of some ways to entertain myself . Luckily it seems I 'm bound to Titan City itself and can go anywhere in it 's limits . Right now I 'm going to scout around . Perhaps a group who aren 't composed of Mediums . After all what else is a Poltergeist to do then cause mischief ! " Then Misty flew through the wall laughing . Robert ran into science class just as the bell rang and settled down at a table noting a new kid in class . He reached over to offer a handshake to Vince . " Hey , I 'm Robert Tanner nice to meet you . " Unknown to Robert his eyes were now silvery the modifications the nanites made were to his very eyes . " Mr Al - Zawari is right , you have been warned about this larceny before Mr . Cain . As such , three days of after school detention starting today , and you must work to help repair the machine you so haphazardly destroyed , the right way . " The holographic figure then turns to Alicia , as she states further . " Miss Crane , Principal Ellis would like to speak with you during 6th period . Her room is opposite the library , A104 . " With that , she fades away in a blue haze . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 " Uh huh , " Connor says in " Uh huh , " Connor says in response to Rose 's explanation , apparently not seeming to think it was all that strange despite his original reaction . He watches Toni carefully as he peeks at the clipboard . . . But there are no roles there . All that 's listed is a hand - written attendance sheet . " If you 're looking for something specific , you should try asking Miss Hall , she 's the director , " Connor says , flipping to another page before checking over another list of handwritten notes , " all that Mister Theroux and I have are technical notes and things that have to get done , " he says with a shrug . Foradain Offline Last seen : 5 hours 37 min ago Joined : 10 / 25 / 2013 - 21 : 06 " Yeap , she 's bilingual . Me , " Yeap , she 's bilingual . Me , I have to study French , in about three minutes . Guess I 'll be seeing you later , Rose ! " Toni headed off to his French class . " I imagine you also have a free period as well ? And out of curiosity , are you alright ? " She looks him over with a pair of piercing emerald eyes , and her tone makes it clear she actually , genuinely cares . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 " Stage managers skip class " Stage managers skip class during tech periods because we have things to do , " Connor says , looking up at her for a few moments . He frowned a bit , seeming a bit puzzled as to why she was staring at him , but ultimately didn 't seem too disturbed by it . After a few more seconds of checking things off , he walked over to a nearby chair , sitting down and tucking his pencil into the clip on his clipboard with a sigh . " Yeah . I 'm fine . Just tired , " he says after reclining a bit . " Sleeping trouble . " Alicia nods politely , looking to ESSI for a moment more in acknowledgement . " Yes ma ' am . I 'll head over right away . " Seemingly , she meant it , immediately making her way along the same route that Dennis had taken a few moments earlier , passing by his locker on the way to the principle 's office . She takes a deep breath upon reaching the door , then slowly , carefully reaches up and gives the door two knocks . Despite the delicacy of the moment , they still come off as quite loud . At the very least however , it wasn 't door - shattering . " So many people in this city , you must be overworked ferrying them to the afterlife . " Deduces , before inquiring . " Do you enjoy being the Wicket Door ? " " Since I imagine ESSI informed you of our reason for meeting , I 'll be frank . In the heat of the unnessecary fanfare against your enrollment here , my colleagues neglected to ask how you personally feel about the parameters in place , and arranging your classes for your safety and comfort as well as other students . So in short : what is your stance in the matter and how would you like to modify your status , Alicia ? " She then offers a disarming smile , and a hand to shake , the other occupied with manifesting a cobalt force field the size of a plate , and maneuvering a pot of green tea and two china teacups to the coffee table before them both . D - Pad Offline Last seen : 2 months 3 days ago Joined : 09 / 15 / 2013 - 14 : 34 Connor shrugs , rubbing his Connor shrugs , rubbing his eyes for a brief moment afterwards . " Depends . Sometimes it 's sort - of annoying . Other times , you get a decent amount of satisfaction knowing that you 're helping people finally find peace , " he says with a shrug , " especially since there isn 't really much to be found around here , at least most of the time , " he adds under his breath . He turns , looking up to where the ghost had been a few moments before , and after failing to see her there , instead sighs and turns his gaze to the lighting fixtures above the stage . " Though I suppose it could be worse . I haven 't run into any Reapers just yet . " Alicia shakes the principle 's hand and takes a seat , but offers nothing in return other than the slightest of smiles . She sits almost stoically , with her hands in her lap , and her back straight , the power lines on her bracers and the central power note on her belt glowing softly , along with her white eyes . " . . . I 'm not sure I follow , " she says after a moment of silence , " if by my status , you mean my class lineup , then I think it would be best to keep the safety of others as a top concern , " she says , her voice somewhat emotionless . At least outwardly , it 's a bit difficult to tell how she truly feels about her current situation . Stalker Offline Last seen : 12 hours 43 min ago Joined : 05 / 21 / 2014 - 20 : 28 Vince looked up at the Vince looked up at the partially nanite 'd teen with a slight bewilderment . Piercing metallic eyes looked back down at him , but they weren 't judging for the moment . Rather , it was the eyes of the normal students that seemed to be judging the two at the moment . Had he managed to not be noticed by the others that easily ? - - " Vince . " He replied abruptly , shaking the hand with a quick grip and a single up and down motion . " - - transfered in today . " he added , shifting an arm to cover a doodle on his binder . It was just one of those . . . S things . You know , the really geometric things that show up on at least half a dozen binders during school . Yeah , you know . . . The S - thing ! http : / / i . imgur . com / U9IsW . jpg It wasn 't an important detail really , though the freehand lines came out decent , and he 'd used pen only , so that meant he could probably draw alright ? Who knew . Besides that one doodle , the binder looked clean .
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Given David 's nature and given the MANY times he 's just let himself into the Martin residence , you 'd think Jake and Amanda would be a little more circumspect about talking in the house about the baby and their plans . He probably has bugs planted all OVER the house ( or he WILL , soon enough ) . As usual , the Keystone Kops put people of interest together to get their stories straight and / or tip their hands to each other ( Erica and Ryan in this case ) . JAR told Colby to stop ragging on Liza ( she had just told Liza she wasn 't part of the family and was NOT wanted there at the funeral ) . JAR was surprisingly ( for HIM ) mature and astute when he pointed out that she needed to think about what Uncle Stuart would have wanted . Marian needs all the support she can get , and that includes her daughter , Liza . That organ music playing at the funeral while Scott was talking to eBabe at the entrance was AWFUL ! It was like they couldn 't decide on whether or not to play a dirge , vampire music , or carnival / colliope music . Look ! Cat - Ruth made an appearance at the funeral ! Kendall tells Ryan that it 's okay - - LIZA is the one that screwed everything up , not him . Kendall should really consider that by abandoning her seconds - dead infant and going to the mansion to point a gun at Adam / Stuart 's head , she might have been just a teensy bit responsible for being in her current predicament . Delusional / self - justifying much ? All right , WHO was eavesdropping on my email to Ashley Mendoza at the Pine Valley Podcast ? On May 10 at 7 : 05 pm I had emailed her the following in response to her asking people for suggestions on a name for an award for actors who take the crappiest writing imaginable and just slog on through like troupers , playing it for all it was worth , as opposed to , say , Rebecca Buddig , who clearly was just phoning in her performances in the last go - around . * * * * * Hi Ashley ! I 've only read a few comments on last week 's podcast , but I was reminded about the award and the need for a name . I would like to suggest something along the lines of the RubbertPosted by When Adam sees that Liza is " pregnant " , he asks who the poor bastard was that she duped THIS time . EXCUSE ME ? Liza may have absconded with Colby when Colby was about 7 , but ADAM is the one who bought a sperm bank for the sole purpose of switching his sperm with Jake 's so that Liza was DUPED into having HIS baby . Pot , Kettle . Adam also needles Liza about not coming back for her daughter until now . He conveniently leaves out his threats to have her thrown in prison for even CALLING Colby , let alone SEEING her . Kendall ruminates that they should have STAYED to see if Ian would pull through or not . Uh , you should have stayed PERIOD ! She also said that a parent would do ANYTHING to protect their child . In what way was she and / or Zach protecting Ian by going over to kill Adam Chandler ? It 's not like Adam was actively TRYING to kill their child , and if they thought Ian was dead , well , in what way were they protecting him THEN ? What did they think Adam was going to do at THAT point , go to the hospital morgue and paint a little mustache on him ? Why don 't Amanda or Jake ever call the police when David barges in uninvited and refuses to leave ? The least they can do is make a RECORD of it . He can ( and SHOULD ) be charged with stalking . Why is KRYSTAL at PVH to take Tad home ? Jake 's not in his hospital garb , so HE could do it . For that matter where are Joe and Ruth ? Or Opal . David hates Tad 's GUTS and Krystal is married to him . It 's stupid and contrived . Robin " I AM enjoying Tad 's returning silliness " Coutellier Zach pleads guilty and the judge says fine , sentencing is on June 3 ( my birthday ) and he goes to prison in the meantime . Court is adjourned . WTF ? ? ? Did the prosecutor even SAY anything ? Zach may not want to have counsel , but he has to GO ON THE RECORD saying so and the judge has to question him about that choice , FOR THE RECORD . He must be advised of his rights , in court , when pleading guilty . If he pleads guilty , there can be no appeal , for instance . Was he told that ? No . For that matter , ZACH has to allocute ( tell what happened ) for the record . It 's entirely possible that HIS version of events do not match up with the investigation . I don 't think they even had a court reporter to MAKE a record ! What a TOTAL FARCE ! How stupid do they think we ARE ? OT : For you REAL court - watchers , there is a Casey Anthony hearing scheduled for Thursday , 5 / 28 . WFTV in Orlando usually has video of all things Casey Anthony , either live or after the fact . Phil Spector is scheduled to be sentenced on Friday , 5 / 29 , for the Second Degree Murder of Lana Clarkson . There may or may not be video coverage somewhere , but " Sprocket " will be in the courtroom and blogging about it at Trials & Tribulations . Sprocket attended most of both trials and blogged about it all . Phil Spector HATES Sprocket and routinely directs his Stare Of Death at her . My sister mentioned that Kendall is wearing a relatively low - cut neckline for someone who has just had heart transplant surgery . Sure enough , she is ; however , there IS a scar there , although it 's ridiculously faint , all things considered . My stepfather has a heart surgery scar due to bypass surgery and it doesn 't look NEARLY as faded ( or thin ) as hers , and his surgery was done almost 2 years ago . Okay , so Jennifer Bassey 's face doesn 't move very much , but for someone who is nearly 67 years old , she looks FABULOUS ! Robin " to hell with growing old gracefully ! " Coutellier Are we REALLY supposed to buy that a ) Liza bothered to wait at the front ( or back ) gate , b ) Liza didn 't EASILY know how to bypass the front ( or back ) gate , and c ) the Chandlers have any sort of gate whatsoever , other than the gatehouse ? I mean REALLY - - if they have gates , they are about as effective as dandelion fluff in holding back the marauding villagers . Or even a lost toddler . Okay , she was lying , so I guess we AREN ' T supposed to buy that . I 'm glad they didn 't ignore the history of Liza and Jesse . LOD : Jesse tells Ryan that Annie seems rational and lucid and , hell , she even saved Adam Chandler 's LIFE ! Jesse : " On second thought , maybe she IS still crazy . " MARIAN ! ! ! She looks FABULOUS ! Sad , of course , but FABULOUS , nonetheless . Robin " I hope she stays around " Coutellier Although it 's been a little corny so far , I have to say that it 's nice to see MEK get a chance to be his quick - witted , silly and endearing self again ! I wonder if he 's going to remember or admit killing Dr . Madden now that he doesn 't have as many social inhibitions . I like Natalia 's new hairdo . Although he 's doing a good job pretending to be dead , David Canary 's left eye DID twitch a little when Scott was talking to him about a poem . Ryan is RICH . Why doesn 't HE have people out looking for Annie ? The way Krystal 's hair is today , she looks a LOT like Marissa / eBabe . Krystal may still be wearing the same outfit she was wearing last night , but she sure did get her hair and makeup nicely done . I wonder if she stopped and got her nails done , too . I 'm glad Liza explained that she DID contact Marian . I liked that Scott went in to talk to Stuart and stroke his face and hair and hug him and cry . See , Kendall and Zach , THAT is how REAL people react when someone they love dies . It may have been fairly short , but at least he STAYED . Adam was looking pretty pathetic in his confusion and grief , and in a VERY human ( aka NON - Adam - like ) way . Robin " will Aidan continue to sneak into Annie 's room / cell to have sex with her or will the thrill be gone since she 's willing to stay there ? " Coutellier I told you Tad would hurt if he laughed . I hope we aren 't in for months and months of knock - knock jokes . Here 's another theory on what might have happened . Earlier in the evening Adam had told Stuart that Scott would inherit Chandler Enterprises when he died . Stuart didn 't think that was a good idea because Scott just wasn 't that type . Sooooo . . . what if Stuart got dressed up in one of Adam 's suits and combed his hair and then went to see Adam , who would want to know what the devil he was doing in a suit . It 's just NOT Stuart 's style , after all . Stuart would then have said that he wanted to show Adam that he was making a point - - Stuart is not a suit kind of guy and NEITHER IS SCOTT . Adam leaves the room for some reason , the lights go out , and Stuart is left standing in the dark . Then he gets shotOR Stuart PLANNED to do the above ( except for the last part ) , but Adam wasn 't there , so he was standing there when the lights went out and he got shot . Adam sees what has happened ( without others seeing him ) and is devastated that Stuart was killed because of HIM . We hear the voices and Adam 's own statement that he must die because of what he has done to all of them because that 's what 's going through ADAM ' S mind upon seeing that Stuart has been killed . He didn 't need to check for a pulse because their twin connection is so strong that he KNOWS the other half of him has died . Either that or he saw Zach take Stuart 's pulse and Zach gave some indication that Stuart was dead . The trauma of what has transpired plus the taking of his altered medication , plus the underlying mental problem sends him into a blackout state . Liza told Colby she was going to try to find Marian . So why did she then make a beeline for Tad 's hospital room ? The baby Liza is " expecting " is probably Amanda 's baby . She told Colby and Tad that she went to a sperm bank . That will probably fly for a while , but it 's not a very plausible story considering her history . After all , COLBY was a sperm donor baby , but Adam bought the clinic and switched the specimens . Posted by Jesse tells JAR that what happened tonight ( Tad getting shot ) was a horrible , horrible * * ACCIDENT * * . No it wasn 't . Jesse 's gun did not ACCIDENTALLY fire itself THREE TIMES into Tad 's body . I think only one of the bullets made a direct hit , but he FIRED three times . That 's no accident . Kendall 's baby 's HEART STOPPED a very short time ago . Now the police want her to come down to the hospital to question her or they 'll come and GET her . Why can 't they send someone to the hospital to question her THERE ? That way , if something happens to the baby she 'll at least be nearby . All things considered , she 's amazingly calm about it , asking Erica to stay with Ian . The way they are writing her , it 's like she doesn 't even GIVE a damn about Ian ! He 's always been an afterthought to her . Right before he temporarily died , she and Zach were told that Ian would probably be dead by morning . They managed to revive him , but I didn 't hear anything about his prognosis magically changing . The police can damn well wait until morning for Kendall 's statement ! She was there and even thinks she was the one who killed Adam , but THEY don 't know that ( yet ) ! Later in the show , David talks about how much Ian is improving and says that they might be able to do surgery to replace the valve soon . Huh ? At what point did he miraculously get BETTER as opposed to being revived after his heart stopped ? According to them , he was leaking all over the place internally . How did THAT part stop ? Did they squirt some of that stuff you squirt into tires to plug a leak down his airway ? Kendall should know better than to lie about leaving the hospital . There are cameras all OVER the place and she would have been caught on them . Jesse shot someone . Shouldn 't he be on Administrative Leave now ? Based on what we heard today , I think we 're going to see a LOT of " inappropriate " behavior from Tad pretty much right off the bat . I don 't buy the instant laughing , though . You don 't laugh as you are coming out from under the influence of anesthesia , and once you DO start laughing , itPosted by Okay , so Adam DIDN ' T have a heart attack or stroke . THAT theory was shot down , so to speak . Jesse radios that he 's got the body in the living room and it 's shot in the back . Uh , shouldn 't he at least check for a PULSE before he refers to it as " the body " ? Why are all the women wearing pointy , very high - heeled shoes to murder someone ? Not only are they uncomfortable , but they make a lot of noise . At least they weren 't slingbacks that went THWAP , THWAP , THWAP with every step . And why was Kendall wearing pointy heels to sit a vigil at her baby 's hospital crib ? You 'd think she 'd want to at least wear comfortable shoes for THAT . Jesse sure is quick on the draw ! He starts shooting AS he warns someone on the terrace not to move . Great cop my ASS ! Then he points the gun toward the ceiling ( so as not to hurt anyone accidentally ) . Turns out that the man on the terrace is Tad whom Jesse , with THREE shots , managed to shoot in the head . OOPSIE ! Did Jesse even BOTHER to send someone upstairs to protect the children ? You know , the ones that are in the range of fire since he 's now pointing the gun at the ceiling ? Apparently NOT because they children are alone up there . Ryan came and dragged Kendall away . Does he even KNOW that Emma is still there ? Did he set her down in the hallway and then completely forget her very EXISTENCE ? A cop tries ineffectively to keep Krystal and Opal from running out to see who else got shot . Why didn 't he just shoot THEM , too ? THAT would have stopped them , although saline from Krystal 's implants might have made somewhat of an exploding mess . There 'd probably be saline goo dripping off the ceiling . JAR is told by Scott that Adam is dead . After a few moments of letting it sink in , JAR remembers Junior Junior and races upstairs shouting his name . Well it 's about F * * KING TIME someone remembered the children ! Meanwhile , Aidan has made his way upstairs , not to take care of the kids , but to grill Junior Junior on Emma 's whereabouts so that he can find Annie . Colby rushes into the nursery and blurts out to JAR thaPosted by On a sad note , Susan Willis , who played Helga Voynitzeva back in the early 1990s , has died . Helga was a HOOT ! The character and the portrayal of her was VERY reminiscent of Cloris Leachman playing Frau Blucher in Young Frankenstein . RIP , Ms . Willis . I never noticed it before , but in the nighttime shot of the exterior of PVH there is a silhouette of a man peeping out from behind the left pillar . He 's holding something rectangular like a magazine or a clipboard , and then he steps to the left and flamboyantly throws his arms out and JUMPS off of something ( presumably a ledge ) . You can see it in the opening shot of Friday 's show and on Youtube . Once more , the doctor 's give vague orders . Angie frantically says " More eppy , more eppy " as she , Jake and a nurse work over little Ian . And WTF was up with the nurse IMMEDIATELY saying " I 'm sorry " in response to Kendall 's frantic pleas to help Ian ? Obviously there WAS something that could be done to at least f * * king TRY to help him ! Talk about soapy behavior ! I 'm surprised we didn 't hear organ music . There was a continuity error in the PVH scenes . When Ian 's monitor first goes into alarm , the nurse quickly lowers the crib rails ( only to tell them that she 's sorry - - what did she do , unplug him ? ) A few moments later when Angie and Jake race into the room , they have to lower the crib rails again . We were wondering what happened to Emma after Ryan set her down on his way out and went in to stop the confrontation . At this point ( especially after being knocked out ) , Ryan KNOWS that someone pulled a gun on Adam in the living room . So why is Emma STILL there or brought there AGAIN ? The place is a powderkeg and Ryan KNOWS it ! Ian 's heart starts beating again . Angie half gasps / half wails : " Oh my God , he 's ALIVE ! " She 's an ER doctor . I 'm sure she 's glad that he 's alive , but you 'd think her training would have helped her keep a calmer and more professional demeanor - - she should have jumped right in to do whatever it is that doctors do the MOMENT a patient 's heart starts beating again . I guesPosted by Marissa to Kyrstal : " I just came to give you something . " Me : " A punch in the mouth ? " It really bugs me when people who are supposed to love their child or grandchild constantly refer to it as the child , the boy , that child , etc . At least Erica has the excuse of NEVER saying or allowing anyone else to say the G word - - she 's vain . But Adam is KNOWN as Grandpa , as is David . They talk about Junior Junior as if he 's a THING or someone 's else 's kin , not their own . The least they could do is refer to him by NAME or say OUR little boy , etc . Adam puts a loaded gun in a drawer . After Junior Junior was TAKEN AWAY when he drank the scotch that JAR left out on top of the very same cabinet , Adam still just sticks the gun there without a second thought . Nice . Foreshadow much ? I did see JAR use a key on it , at least , but that 's hardly the best place for it . It may be handy to shoot Adam 's plethora of enemies as they all barge in en masse to kill him , but it 's STILL too easy for Junior Junior to get to . Or Emma , for that matter , since she 's suddenly coming over to play with him now . There was another major foreshadowing , too , but I 'm not going into detail about it just now . Actually , the entire show was pretty much foreshadowing , but at least ONE of those foreshadowings will bear fruit . Krystal sure knows how to dress to kill , doesn 't she ? The neckline AND the backline on that top plunge pretty far - - far enough that the skin UNDER her bustline shows in the front . She could probably wear that top facing either way and no one would be able to tell the difference . Guns , guns , everywhere guns . I 'm wondering if a whole bunch of people are going to shoot at Adam at the exact same time . Then they can all wipe their guns of handprints , throw them into a pile onto the floor and make a run for it . A bullet can be matched to a specific gun , but if none of the guns are registered to any of the people shooting , there are no prints , and everyone shoots at the same time , there would be no way to know which gun was in the hand of which person . Is IanPosted by Erica tells the Bride of Chuckie ( Nurse Gayle ) that she 's on to her and will be watching her VERY CLOSELY . Uh , why doesn 't she just inform Adam or , if she has the power , FIRE her , right then and there ? I can see where she might not be able to tell Adam right away , but there is CLEARLY a conflict of interest and Adam has every right to fire her and have her replaced with another nurse . I just noticed that David Canary 's right hand seems to be shaking somewhat at times . It 's subtle , though , and for all I know he 's been doing that for years . Why would Barry have a meeting about damage control over the defective heart valve at a table at the yacht club if they want to make sure NO ONE gets wind of the fact that the knew the valve was defective even as it was being implanted into a baby ? They couldn 't meet at the Chandler house or a room at the YC or even during a walk on the beach ? Nope , gotta do it in a place where competitors and reporters might overhear them . Robin " eBabe is NOT happy to find out that she was a blue - light special " Coutellier Erica tells the Bride of Chuckie ( Nurse Gayle ) that she 's on to her and will be watching her VERY CLOSELY . Uh , why doesn 't she just inform Adam or , if she has the power , FIRE her , right then and there ? I can see where she might not be able to tell Adam right away , but there is CLEARLY a conflict of interest and Adam has every right to fire her and have her replaced with another nurse . I just noticed that David Canary 's right hand seems to be shaking somewhat at times . It 's subtle , though , and for all I know he 's been doing that for years . Why would Barry have a meeting about damage control over the defective heart valve at a table at the yacht club if they want to make sure NO ONE gets wind of the fact that the knew the valve was defective even as it was being implanted into a baby ? They couldn 't meet at the Chandler house or a room at the YC or even during a walk on the beach ? Nope , gotta do it in a place where competitors and reporters might overhear them . Robin " eBabe is NOT happy to find out that she was a blue - light special " Coutellier I wasn 't playing close attention to WHY Opal was at Ryan 's place and I was wondering . She questioned Aidan , but I don 't think he asked her why SHE was there before he hustled her out , did he ? Later in the show it was revealed that she went over there to tell Ryan NOT to go to the party at the Chandler house . Uh , if that was the case , why did she just quietly let herself in with her key without even knocking when he wasn 't expecting her ? For that matter , why didn 't she just CALL him ? Yeah , I know she needed to " see " Annie and catch Aidan , but it was was a ) incredibly rude , and b ) stupid . After Opal leaves , Annie rushes into the room , squealing with delight over Aidan being there . He untangles her from him and says : " What the hell is WRONG with you ? " Annie : " Uh , I 'm criminally insane - - DUH ! I killed a few people , remember ? Hello ? ? ? Is anybody in there ? ? " She thwacks his forehead and a hollow sound echoes forth . Okay she didn 't say or do that last part , but it 's what I THINK she should have said and done and what would have happened if she HAD . JAR is mad because " now David has an all - access pass to this house " . What does he mean " NOW " ? David has ALWAYS had an all - access pass to the house . He pops in and pops up wherever and whenever he feels like it . Has Security ever stopped him , even ONCE ? I think Jill Larson looks much better with her hair red as opposed to blond . OTOH , the matronly style is nice enough , I suppose , but it 's kind of Better Crocker / Phoebe Wallingford - ish . Erica wouldn 't be caught DEAD with that hairstyle , at least not for another 20 + years . Ian 's heart monitor changes its tune for the worse and David curses , giving the order " INCREASE THE MEDICATION ! " WHAT medication ? I would imagine Ian is getting more than one medication pumped into him . I would think the name of the medication AND the dosage would normally be included in an order like that . Of course , it WAS Jake he was giving the order to , but still . . . Aisling , I hope your flashbacks weren 't too painful when watching Aidan roll down the stairs ! IPosted by Someone on the Pine Valley Podcast commented on how skinny Marissa is . I don 't think she 's skinny . Compared to some of the other women on the show , she looks just about perfect as far as weight goes . Hmmm , it 's pretty odd to see David PRAISING Chandler Enterprises at a press conference . What 's his angle ? Is he setting up Adam and JAR for a big fall ? If Ian died or had to have yet another operation to replace the valve , that wouldn 't look very good for David , and I don 't think he would to that to a toddler . I suppose it 's a win - win for David either way , though . If it succeeds , he 's the first doctor to use it , and if it fails , he can use that excuse to take down the Chandlers . Maybe the SECOND person who gets it is going to . . . well . . . GET IT . I doubt he did it JUST for visitation rights once a month with Junior Junior . Or did he ? Toward the end of the show he explained to Scott that Ian survived DESPITE it being a flawed valve , because he immediately recognized the problem and was able to fix it on the fly . For now . You never know with David , though . With Chuck Pratt writing , anything is possible . I have a question about the valve replacement . Ian is just a baby . He 's going to grow quite a bit over the coming years . Wouldn 't the valve need to be replaced as he grew older ? Is it too big for him now and he 'll grow into it , or will it be too small for it and have to be replaced every few years until he 's an adult ? Wouldn 't scar tissue build up around the sutures and stay unstretched or , worse , split as he grows ? How many of you guffawed when David , with a straight face , told a reporter that they maintain STRICT doctor / patient confidentiality at PVH ? BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA ! ! ! ! Stop , yer killin ' me ! Why did Aidan get up from the table to warn Annie not to say anything about where she was and telling her she was taking a BIG risk calling him ? Wouldn 't have have been considerably more discreet to simply sit there and take the call without dramatically pacing about over a sudden phone call ? Super secret agent my ASS . He may haPosted by When Ryan said to Tad ( re the Satin Slayer and Dixie 's death ) : " What happened to you not wanting to dig this whole thing up again , " how many of you IMMEDIATELY flashed to Tad burying Dr . Madden and causing his death in he process ? Yeah , there ARE some things Tad just does NOT want to be reminded / questioned as far as digging things up goes . Jake tells Amanda ( re his loving her ) that he never says anything he doesn 't mean - - at least he TRIES . So I guess he meant it when , FOR NO APPARENT REASON , he called her a slut and said she looks like a hooker ! Sorry , but it 's going to take a while for me to reconcile the two Jakes . Ryan 's thoughts are that when this ( this being Ian 's health crisis ) is over , he 's going to take her far away from all this to a place where kids never get sick and she can just smile and laugh and let go . Why bother ? Doesn 't he accomplish that in his own penthouse ? She never thinks about the kids when she 's there unless someone calls to tell her that something is very wrong . . . AGAIN . And she 's not with them because being with Ryan is MUCH more important to her . . . AGAIN . They 've really gone over the edge with Adam this time ! Adam is an evil bastard who will stop at nothing in business to get the edge and crush his enemies . He has NEVER deliberately risked the life of a BABY , though . When he locked Gloria up in that warehouse and she went into premature labor , the baby DID end up dying after a day or two . However , that was a different situation , and he almost committed suicide over it . He didn 't believe she was really in labor and was driven by a jealous and possessive rage . Does he really believe the doctor is lying about the heart valve having a design flaw ? Maybe , maybe not , but I still don 't believe it 's true to Adam 's character to just go ahead with the surgery anyway just for the sake of money . Then again , he DID leave Krystal on the floor to give birth and then kidnapped her baby to SELL it to strangers , while leaving it in the care of a known psychopath . Still , in the cases of Gloria and KrystPosted by Ah , THERE ' S the " I 'm going to Germany ! " I was looking for ! JAR says Ian is 2 years old . Not quite . He was born in late July of 2007 . Amanda has fond memories of her and Jake . She remembers the time she wore the pirate outfit with the parrot on her shoulder . She also remembers wearing Brot 's uniform for them to have sex . Uh , why would she be remembering THOSE episodes ? IIRC , Jake used the pirate outfit as an excuse to call her a slut / hooker ( even though HE was the one who asked her to do it ) , and Taylor , who thought Brot was dead at the time , caught Amanda " desecrating " Brot 's uniform and it was quite the mood killer . Amanda felt HORRIBLE about how thoughtless she had been . Robin " Ah , good times ! " Coutellier Wow , I 'm STUNNED ! That 's TWO people at the hospital who refuse to give out information about patients to people who have no legal business knowing . Does that mean there is a glimmer of hope for HIPAA in PV ? . . . Nah . Did you notice that Dr . Bender was paged to the MENTAL WARD ? Does anyone call it that anymore ? Yeah , WE can call it a loony bin or mental ward , but wouldn 't hospitals have long ago started referring to them as Psychiatric Wards or just by code numbers , as far as paging goes ? I never thought I 'd say this , but I agree with JAR AND David . At least as far as the heart valve goes . They haven 't done ANY human trials and they 're willing to stick it into a TODDLER ? They should go with one of the other options and then , once the valve has been proven to be effective , THEN they can put it in him at a later date . Yes , they 'll have to cut him open yet AGAIN , but that 's less risky than putting an unproven , unTESTED PROTOTYPE into his little chest ! Something doesn 't ring true to me about Frankie 's situation . He 's seriously injured and is being flown to Germany . Jesse and Angie would be on the FIRST plane to Germany to be there ASAP , not sitting by the phone wringing their hands . So would Randi , but I doubt she has a passport ( but I 'm sure Jesse would somehow be able to push that through VERY quickly ) . Robin " let the sweeps BEGIN ! " Coutellier Considering how attuned Stuart has always been to Adam , you 'd think he would have at least NOTICED that Adam has been WAAAAAY off his game lately . He doesn 't even seem to be aware that Adam has been taken to the hospital on numerous occasions . Colby fights having David examine her father , but relents and LEAVES THE ROOM ! I suppose I can chalk that up to inexperience on her part , but that is MAJORLY dumb . OTOH , since she left the room , I don 't have to watch her attempt to act and say all her lines in the same inflection as a nervous child reciting Hiawatha by memory and not having the slightest idea of what any of it actually MEANS . Robin " she might as well be reading the phone book , but slightly on edge because the letters are so small and hard to read " Coutellier Kendall wakes up in Ryan 's bed and asks what time it is . He says it 's almost noon . So she stayed the night . Where 's Emma ? I can pretty much guarantee you that a child will be awake and demanding attention WAAAAAY before noon unless there 's something seriously wrong with it . And Kendall 's OWN children ? Eh . Not even blips on her bony radar . Then reality hits - - almost NOON ! OMG - - she has to get to WORK ! Again , children don 't even occur to her / them . JAR accusingly tells Scott that he wanted to go public with the heart valve two weeks ago , and Scott just want 's to grab the glory all for himself . That 's funny - - JAR forced the doctor to sell out because the doctor refused to rush it into production by the end of the WEEK - - and that was on 4 / 23 / 09 , only ONE week ago . Scott says the valve is ready for a clinical trial . Don 't they need to have some time - consuming government paperwork processed LONG before a trial can actually go forth ? I would think the change in ownership alone would delay the process . Robin " f * * king paperwork " Coutellier Why did Kendall go to the park to get fresh air in the outdoors when they have acres of greenery all around the Slater house ( and a pond ) ? Based on the incessant downtown horns they were so fond of piping in a while back , we know that the park is in the middle of the bustling metropolis of downtown PV . And we also know from views from atop the Chandler building that they have 5 - lane one - way streets . That means Kendall had to go to great lengths to get to the park . Oh wait , she went there to meet Ryan . Funny , the air doesn 't smell so " fresh " to ME . Is it just me , or does Opal look like she 's wearing a belt made out of pebbly duct tape ? Krystal and David sure do know how to sling euphemisms around . David tells Marissa that he and Krystal recently " found their way back to each other . " Marissa says that Krystal told her that she had married her " old flame " . Uh , they had ONE drunken shag after a frat party in the early 1980s . ( I seem to recall she had come to the party with David 's roommate , who then dumped her for another girl and David found her crying in their room . If they had been any drunker , they would have missed each other , tipped over , and accidentally shagged the furniture instead . That 's hardly " finding their way back to each other " OR being " old flames " . It was more like a brief , one - time exchange of bodily fluids . He didn 't even remember her and I 'm amazed SHE remembered HIM . Kendall reacted to Ryan 's angst about not seeing any remorse in Alexander Cambias ' eyes and offered sympathy : " I 'm sorry ! I 'm really , REALLY sorry ! " Was I the only one who was surprised when she didn 't immediately add : " But what about ME ? ? ? " I was watching Stuart on Wednesday 's show and it occurred to me that some newer viewers not not have noticed that his left collar was sticking out . That 's his trademark . What a lot of people might not know is that the REASON Stuart 's left collar is always sticking out is because Stuart has a nervous , little - boyish habit of tugging on the bottom of that side of his sweater so that the collar keeps poPosted by
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Artists need benefactors . Because the muse is hampered by the need to accomplish the other stuff that keeps life moving . And it 's shameful to me that we have become a culture that decides that it there is little enough value in art that it should be a sideline , that it 's a hobby . And our artists feel shame at taking money . Feel shame at naming a price . Because we are so removed for sharing our hearts and our souls and our masterpieces through vulnerability that asking for the worth of the piece is unimaginable . If you are an artist , in whatever capacity , please accept our money . Please recognize that it is our currency . It is how we tell you you have impacted us , that we like your beauty and want a part of it around us . If you are a spiritual teacher , you are still an artist . Let me share my wealth with you , in the currency I have available to do so . It is an exchange that has value . You be the artist , let me be the patron . You do it for me too , you know . Tonight I fell in love with tango all over again . It 's that moment when you look at someone that is so familiar to you and for just a second you see a total stranger , closely followed by this stabbing hollowing upsurge of love that leaves you breathless . That was tango for me tonight . The snow set it for me . I love snow . I was a mountain high Colorado girl , with a view of the Continental Divide from my bedroom . I love the powder , the cold , the ritual , the being at the mercy and the dance of the weather . And so this storm is like a special secret Christmas gift just for me . And as I walked to the practica / milonga the flakes were fat and full and like little bits of laughter landing on my cheeks . And the milonga hall was warm and cheery , Canaro through the speakers , lovely dancers . And my first dances were with someone I adore and they were mmmmm goood , and each that followed was a different taste . It was like the best meal I had ever eaten , and right now that 's saying a lot ! Last night I realized , at some point I won 't be able to buckle my tango shoes . I know it seems premature to think about this now , but this 14 week belly looks more like a 18 - 20 week belly and I still have a lot to go . So , what then ? Beg my friends ? Hope there is some gentlemanly fellow that will assist me ? Try to contort myself by leaning sideways and reaching around the belly ? Buckling my shoes is part of the ritual I like . I like the feel of slipping my feet in , of feeling the band across my toes , and the tilt of the heel ; but that moment of restraint when I cinch the buckle down and I feel the strap firm and tight and restrictive across the front of my ankle . . . it 's a sensual moment that I am a little loathe to hand over to someone else . Those 6 weeks took a toll . I can 't even begin to describe how frustrating it is to only be able to dance two or three tandas in a night . I just don 't have the stamina for more . Where did it go ? And my balance ! Ugh . I feel like a very beginner again , only this time I know enough to know how bad it feels . It 's so discouraging . I haven 't actually had to use my partner for balance since I started , and now . . . if the leader does anything that isn 't perfectly centered it throws me off . I had a lovely night on Friday where I had people signing my dance card before I could even get my shoes on but I just couldn 't dance more than a few tandas and I was so disappointed . Last night was the same . Those of you that have taken extended breaks , was it hard to come back ? Did you notice a difference ? I 'm hoping my lack of stamina is just because I was so sick and it will return , but other pregnant people seem to think it 's their job to burst that happy bubble . Alex is talking about them , and so is Limerick , and MsHedgehog too . I guess I 'll jump in too . Someone please explain how I would do one , and when , that is unlead ? Not that I necessarily want to , but I feel like the only eejit in the field that hasn 't figured this out . I see it happen on the floor , but I just don 't seem to be able to compute how they know to do one . Even when they 're lead , I still don 't feel like I manage them gracefully or attractively or even in the expected timeframe . It 's on my list of things to work on during a private , but I just haven 't gotten around to it yet . I guess I think of it as an embellishment and so it sinks a bit on my priority list . But the more comfortable I get the more I would like to at least * feel * like I did it right when they ask me too . sigh . Yesterday I woke up feeling like . . . . me . It was wonderful . And at about 6pm , I knew I 'd be going to the practica . And I did . I went in knowing that I really only intended to dance two or so tandas , and that there were only two leaders I felt comfortable enough to dance with , and they were both there , and it was really really nice . But I was still worried . 6 weeks with no dancing . From 5 nights a week to nothing , for 6 weeks . Not even the desire . I was worried how I would feel , how my dance would be , concerned that somewhere I had lost that ephemeral " it " . The dance was fine . All that anxiety , and I felt ok . I didn 't feel ungainly , stupid , uncoordinated or like I had forgotten everything . In fact , I smiled . A lot . And when the second leader inquired about my absence and I explained that I was pregnant with twins and hadn 't been well , the sweetest twinkle and the nicest glow swept over him , and he hugged me and said he was so looking forward to dancing with me as I got bigger . And it was so genuine and gleeful that I couldn 't help but feel beautiful and wanted and appreciated . That , truly , was the most wonderful thing that could have happened to my dance last night . I like this song , but don 't really dig rat dogs , or rat dogs in argyle sweaters . In fact , the whole thing is a little weird . CHIHUAHUA TANGO : Chi , Tango , Chi ! @ Yahoo ! Video I actually want to go . I don 't want to dance , but I want to go . This is a marked improvement ! I see Tango again , on the horizon ! WooHoo ! We graduated to the OB today . I am no longer under the care of the Reproductive Endocrinologist . I am no longer on ANY medications , and I no longer have debilitating nausea . We 've also hit the 12 week mark , which means that our risk of miscarriage drops significantly , and both babies look great and are growing appropriately . The parents told their families on Thanksgiving , and it was such a joy to hear them share . With our last pregnancy , they were hesitant to believe until much later . This time around it seems that they are calmer and more relaxed and not so wounded . It 's beautiful . And they love the idea of what is about to happen to their household . What a joy to be able to giggle at the thought of the mayhem that is going to descend on them ! So , yes , I said OB . That 's right . No midwives for me , and no home birth . The last birth wasn 't either . It was a hospital birth . My first . It was big leap for me to birth in a hospital and I went through all kinds of professional guilt about betraying my fellow midwives by birthing in the hospital . But in the end , it was a nice experience and I expect this one to be just as nice . The OB is someone I knew before I became a surrogate . He would take my transfers , and I even attended a few births with him . So , we had a nice respect for each other and knew each other pretty well . With the last birth , I would come to prenatals , tell him the pertinent information and then we 'd talk birth politics and community news for 20 minutes , then I 'd leave . During our labor and birth he took my lead and pretty much let me run the show . As it should be , of course , but unusual in an OB . This time , with twins , he earned my respect all over again . We were discussing the delivery and what would be required . I don 't want an epidural , hep lock , etc . I want a vaginal unmedicated birth like my others , assuming everything is ok with the babies . And his response was , " well . . . it 's your body and we can work with that . I prefer this , but we can do it how you want it too " . Love him . I have a little bump and I ' 4 Kym , a surrogate and mother that dealt with infertility herself , posted some wonderful insights on how entering into surrogacy is a trip into infertility for the surrogate . Many of us become surrogates because we love pregnancy , love the idea of helping others have families . But we enter it in a wave of innocence . Most of us have little understanding of what infertility means , how it impacts women and their families , and how it can effect us . I had theories about what it meant to be infertile . But the far reaching range of emotions was way bigger than I could ever have imagined . Through surrogacy , I have experienced 11 cycles . Me , with my perfect uterus , my perfect pregnancy history , my simple homebirths . Even with modern science , I couldn 't get pregnant 9 of those cycles . And each time , I wondered if it was my fault . It was humbling . I never thought it wouldn 't work , until it didn 't . And that 's me . That doesn 't even begin to touch my Intended Parents that have gone through years of trying , repeated miscarriages , surgeries , invasive testing , poking , prodding , and each step their hope being whittled away to next to nothing . Except , they manage to keep it . Their hope , that is . It 's slightly tarnished , and colored with some slightly off - kilter humor , and probably lots of counseling , but it 's there . These people look at the thing the want most in their lives and realize they can 't make it happen for themselves , and then they hand it over to us . They hand it to a surrogate and say , Make my dream come true . The strength and belief that takes makes me cry . I don 't know that I could give that much , trust that much , release that much . It is an enormous gift to be part of their dream . My 12 year old amazes me . He is this crazy blending of physical traits , motions , thinkings . . . some I recognize , some I see are completely his own . Sometimes he gives me glimpses into the man he 'll be and they leave me breathless . The other day I was laying on my bed , reading a book , and he comes into my room with a glass of water . He sets it on my bedside table . 12 yr old : Mom , are you thirsty ? ManyMom : no ? 12 yr old : I brought you some water . I thanked him , but he stood there waiting . ManyMom : Sweetie , do you need something ? 12 yr old : Mom , you should drink some water . Pregnant women need to drink lots of water . Now , that in and of itself is amazing , but what is really amazing is that when I was pregnant with Tor two years ago , I offhandedly mentioned to him that he should remember that pregnant and nursing women need to drink lots of water , and that if he ever has children to not ask the mom if she wants it but to just bring it to her and remind her to drink . He remembered . So , I didn 't go . By the time I should have been leaving for the milonga , I was already in pajamas and it seemed like a lot of work to attempt to make myself look remotely cute in my now ill - fitting clothing . And I didn 't go last week either , because a friend of mine 's daughter turned 2 and they celebrated at Chuck E . Cheese 's . I was done for after that . Whoever created those places has been so desensitized that they don 't even know what the word over - stimulation means . I can 't imagine working there . But last night I did go to a smaller event . I didn 't dance , but I went to see friends . It was lovely . And to my surprise , I found myself moved by the music . I haven 't been able to even listen to tango . It 's too all encompassing for me , and I get lost and then panic a little . I had to set it aside for music that doesn 't dissolve me quite so much . But in a larger hall than my ipod earbuds provide , I was able to enjoy the music . I think I 'm ready . I 'll give it another week or so , and dance just with people I 'm really comfortable with , since tango is so intense and I 'm still so easily overwhelmed , but it 's nice to be ready . I was starting to get a little worried . . . I think I could probably handle a tanda or two in a night , but I feel very out of ( dance ) practice , kinda shy , and very fragile . So , I 'm a little hesitant to dance at my normal events . I 'd really like to ease my way back in , dance with friends only ( ones that would understand if I couldn 't make it through a whole tanda ) , and go slow . But I 'm hesitant to go to the normal events because there are lots of people I don 't want to dance with and I can 't figure out how to gracefully navigate the who I do want to dance with and who I don 't want to dance with thing . Not because of those people , really , but because I feel so off my game and so physically unwell that I don 't think I could handle a tanda with someone that I wasn 't also completely socially comfortable with . Any thoughts on this ? It 's been a while since I 've posted . I have been just too sick , too nauseous . In all reality , if I had felt this way before with my first child , he would have been an only . I spent a couple weeks being able to do nothing but sit on the couch and sleep , and moan . A lot . From misery . I was depressed and my kids were threatening mutiny . I asked for some drugs . Which isn 't a me thing to do , but it had gotten so bad I couldn 't even answer the phone . So they set me up with Zofran , and I am starting to remember what it feels like to be a person . I haven 't danced in over 2 weeks . I don 't want to be touched , I can 't close my eyes , and the thought of a bad tanda makes me cringe . I can 't even listen to tango right now because the music is so complex it makes my head spin , which makes my stomach spin . Which makes me cry . Seriously ? Seriously ! This part sucks . Really it does . I am nauseous from the time I open my eyes to when I finally fall asleep . I spend my time totally disgusted by food and equally ravenous . . . with no warning . I 'm finding myself dropping deeper and deeper into the music . If it 's good , I can float away on it . Forget that my stomach is in upheaval , forget that my stamina has gone down the drain . If it isn 't ? Well , then I 'm dancing with queasiness . Blech . So , what makes the dj good ? Tonight 's music was , individually , music I like . But the combinations , or the placements , didn 't work for me . I wish I knew what it is that I do or don 't like , so I don 't have to sit and attempt to puzzle it out . I don 't understand why , what the lack of magic is , etc . And I 'd like to be able to put a finger on it and say , ah . . . because maybe then I could get beyond my gut feeling of dislike . Maybe then I could hear what the dj had in mind and enjoy it the way he or she wanted me to . Today , at 6 weeks 3 days , we had our first ultrasound . Guess . Guess what we saw ? Did you guess ? Two . Two Gestational Sacs . Two Yolk Sacs . Two developing embryos . Two sweet twittery fluttery little heartbeats . Twins . There are two . We have two little babies growing inside of me . Which means a total of three heartbeats inside my body . I have been struck by the pregnancy icks . Food is gross . Driving in cars is gross . Even my beloved coffee has finally become gross . Saltines are good . And so is gatorade . Gatorade ! Never in a million years did I think I would be drinking Gatorade . But it has a nice salinity that makes my throat feel nice . I have never had morning sickness . I bow to all you women that had it for long stretches and then had more children . You are amazing and marvelous and I hold you in awe . Because this sucks . And , interestingly enough , the only thing that keeps it all at bay , that makes me forget the whirlpool in my stomach : Tango . I feel not yuck when I 'm immersed in the dance . However , this feeling made Tangofest really hard for me . The traveling was hard , the being somewhere when I 'm feeling icky was hard , and at about 2 am I was done for . Could Not Dance Another Step . Like Cinderella at midnight . I didn 't have the most lovely of festivals . But my consolation is that Valentango will coincide with my second trimester , so I should be full of vibrant energy ! When we enter a VERY crowded floor , I have to trust you completely . I can 't do that if we are weaving in and out of people , and I can 't feel that when you haul me to the center of the floor . I like the outer two lanes , preferably the outermost lane , which moves at a sedate respectful pace . I feel safe there . I know where the edge of the floor is , I know who is in front and behind and I can relax . And , on another note , PLEASE do not try new and special tricks with someone you 've not danced with . Namely me . I do not like ( and will not do ) volcadas that have me crossing my right over my left if I do not know you and haven 't danced with you often . ( Can you believe someone I had never danced with or previously met tried this with me not once , but THREE times on the dance floor at the Grand Milonga at TangoFest ? I thought he had gotten the hint when I stopped dead the second time , but I guess the third and final time when I said , " I really don 't think that 's appropriate for this floor and I won 't do it no matter how many times you lead it " finally got his attention . ) If you manage to pull it off well enough that I don 't know it has happened , well , then you are elevated to a different status and I will do whatever you lead because you are nearing deity status in my opinion . But that isn 't most leaders ! I feel like I haven 't blogged much . No angst , dancing is good , we 're pregnant , I love my job , blah blah . Life is Good . Last night was the second milonga in a new series of Friday night milongas . The hosts do a wonderful job of transforming our normal venue into something cozy , welcoming , intimate and special with charming treats . The music was very good ( all Golden age , and well put together ) , they played Oigo tu voz ( which makes me swoon every time I hear it , which isn 't often enough at the milongas ) and other than needing to do some frequent volume adjusting , I was delighted with the music . And the real joy ? The community , the drinks afterward ( not me , of course ) , the socializing . It was a lovely way to start my weekend . I have this charming pair of silver shoes , lower heels , strappy , cute little sequins . Love them . I haven 't worn them in awhile , but wore them a lot when I started dancing . Last night , I started kicking my left big toe again . I think it may be the shoes ! These are not tango shoes . Truth be told , they are bridesmaid 's shoes . So , I 'm wondering if the placement of the heel has something to do with it ? Our beta today is 351 , which has a doubling rate of every 36 . something hours . Which is great . Relieving . We want it to double every 48 hours or so , so 36 . something is very reassuring . We have an ultrasound scheduled for October 22nd , to see how many are in there and to ( hopefully ) see a little heart beating away . The mom thinks we have twins , but I 'm skeptical . The numbers are no help . They are right in line with twinsies or a singleton , so we just wait . 143 ! That is a very respectable number . It 's right in the range for a singleton . Which we like . It could be twins , but likely it 's just one . We 'll do another beta on Tuesday , to make sure the numbers are doubling . If the numbers double , it indicates a growing embryo . If they don 't double , we 'll do repeat betas until the numbers either start to fall or come back in line . If it more than doubles , that 's great news . If it more than a lot doubles it might indicate multiples . Last night / this morning I had a dream that I was at my normal weekly practica dancing quite well with a leader that I typically enjoy dancing with and he stopped rather unexpectedly and as my eyes flew open in surprise , Ney and Jennifer were standing there . Ney was behind Jennifer so I couldn 't really see him , but Jennifer was looking at me and saying , No , no . . . . you need to move your hips like this . She demonstrated by putting her hands on my hips and gently placing my body where it should be . Then they sandwiched my lead and I , Ney 's hands on my leader 's shoulders and Jennifer 's on my hips ; and danced with us , demonstrating what they wanted to see . At the end of the song , we exchanged kisses and the music for the next song began and they faded away while I remained in the arms of my leader and we danced . Last cycle , we got positives on the HPT 's but they were never dark , so I didn 't expect a big number . When she called to tell me the number , it was actually negative . I felt like I had been hit with a bat , like the ground dropped from beneath me , and I felt complete dread and sadness about calling the Intended Parents to tell them . So , here 's what I realized today . ( though , it 's not like this hasn 't been noodling around in my , well , noodle ) . . . I 'm completely terrified of being in a loving , giving , supportive reciprocal relationship . Every time I start to think about the possibility , I immediately shut it down . Each time a friend talks about it , I turn all bah humbug on them . I do it humorously , and lightly , but that door is closed tightly in my soul . In fact , it 's been painted over , nailed shut and boarded as if to protect it from a storm . I 'm closed . My heart is closed . At least to anything longer than 12 minutes on the dance floor . Or to something I can control ( read : parenting ) . How ridiculous is this ? I talk , and think , frequently about NOT making decisions based on fear . But one of the most essential aspects of life I am allowing to be completely controlled by fear . That moment of tango bliss the other day , it blew that door wide open . ( which I then quickly scurried to close ! and board up again . ) I don 't mean I want a romantic relationship with that person , or that I 've fallen in love with him ( though there will always be a special place held for him . . . . it 's the same feeling of tenderness I have for the women whose births I attend ) . sigh . How do I remove all those barriers ? Interesting , I never said it was locked . Just boarded up and closed tightly . I wonder what significance that has ? I want to allow myself to love someone , to take the risk of loving and giving completely . I want to allow myself to not control everything , but to trust more . So , this is why I hate testing . Hate myself for giving in . This morning 's test ? not a smidgeon darker . * sigh * And the ugly fear monster rears it 's ugly head . I don 't want this to be another chemical . And one morning test doesn 't mean it is . But I 'll sit here and obsess about it anyway . * sigh * 6 days past a 3 day transfer , or 9 days past ovulation ( 9dpo ) . Still too early to get a positive , unless I was carrying a litter . And since I am not hoping to be carrying a litter , I won 't test until tomorrow morning . When I will be 7dp3dt , or 10dpo , which is the typical time to get an early positive on a home pregnancy test . I could bore you with the obsessive watching - for - symptoms craziness , but I won 't . Except to say that there are some . Some signs . If one is obsessive enough to look for them . Which , apparently , I am . Today we transferred three absolutely symmetrical , PERFECT 3 day , 8 celled embryos . Now , we wait . On Sunday October 5th , I will go in for a beta HCG , which will tell us how much hcg is in my system , which will tell us if any of these little guys stuck around . It 's hard to resist the lure of home pregnancy tests . In the past , I 've started testing about 4 days past the transfer , hoping to get an early positive . This time , I want to just wait until at least 7 day past a three day transfer ( 7dp3dt ) . That will put me at 1o days past ovulation , had I gotten pregnant the typical way . HPT 's are crazy making . In most of the other cycles , we have gotten really early positives that didn 't make it . These are called chemical pregnancies . It 's heartbreaking and exhausting to get those positive tests and have a negative or low beta . So , I 'm going to try and hold out . The typical pregnancy symptoms aren 't reliable with IVF , because the hormones can mimic them . So , we wait for the beta . If it 's a positive number , we go back two days later for another blood test , to see if the numbers have doubled . If the numbers have doubled it 's a good indication of a viable pregnancy . These are the best any of our embryos have looked . I 'm feeling really hopeful ! i like my body when it is with your body . It is so quite a new thing . Muscles better and nerves more . i like your body . i like what it does , i like its hows . i like to feel the spine of your body and its bones , and the trembling - firm - smooth ness and which i will again and again and again kiss , i like kissing this and that of you , i like , , slowly stroking the , shocking fuzz of your electric fur , and what - is - it comes over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big Love - crumbs , and possibly i like the thrill of under me you quite so new - - e e cummings In all honesty , friends , it terrifies me . The absolute intensity that this thing , this Tango , awakens in me is terrifying . That serpent of passion is coiled pretty deeply inside me . I thought we had found a way to coexist . He had his space , and I had mine . Occasionally , when all the conditions were right and safe , we might play a little together . But always with protection , never too close , always barely touching fingertips . Controlled . But all bets are off now . He dances to the music , and when I am looking or when I 'm not he coils himself around the little figure that is me that coexists in this body and he takes me for a ride and I just don 't have any say . I always knew he was bigger than me . I always new that if it came down to a contest between Passion and Personality , well . . . . Passion would win hands down . And if it came to that , it would be ok because all else would be obliterated . There would only be the aftermath to deal with . But this music , this dance . . . it is pulling and twisting us together and I 'm finding that the passion and the personality are not as separate as I thought . And it terrifies me . I liked that neat tidy package , and nothing feels neat or tidy anymore . I feel like I am in this spiral of release and fill , and I have no say in it whatsoever . And more , I don 't want to have any say . I just want to give in and go . And in those moments , like tonight , it is glorious to go . and the aftermath is frightening , because I 'm trying to clean up and separate and reorganize what was torn open for me . . . and there 's just no map for this . and the only solace I can think of is to bury myself even deeper . To hope it opens me even more . I thought it would be joy . I thought it would be light . I thought it would be like a summer day . But it wasn 't . It was aching . It was yearning , and it was melancholy . Oh , there was joy in the connection , in the awakening , in the sharing of each other , but there was more . I didn 't realize that the bliss would be like that moment before we tip into orgasm , where our eyes lock with the intensity of knowing we have chosen to go over the edge together , that we 've chosen to bare our souls naked to each other and there is nothing to hide , nothing to hide from . And I sit here dazed , surprised I made it through the rest of the night . Because the tears are flowing down my cheeks , the aftermath of the bliss washing over me . and a kernal of fear . What if he didn 't feel it too ? What if this is a story I 'm making up ? And with that bliss , I was done . I couldn 't even think of another dance with someone else . Anything else would have been empty , shallow , surface . So I sat and watched , completely contented . I love this love affair on the dance floor . I love the shy newness of learning each other , and the places where we go deeper , a bond that grows with each step . And I think , do all the women he dances with feel this way ? Do all the women he dances with walk away feeling beautiful , sexy , special ? I suspect they do . And this pleases me . How wonderful that he makes each and every one of us fall in love with him , and feel as if he 's fallen in love with us ! And I want to give this back . I want every man that embraces me to walk away from our dance feeling special . Tonight I had THAT moment . That moment when the world melts open and we are hurtling through space together , with nothing but us and the cushion of tango for atmosphere . It was just a second , when he gave himself over to me ; the tender act of laying his forehead against mine undid me . In that slightest gesture , I felt him relinquish . I felt him make space in his heart for me , and I felt him allow the vulnerability to wrap us up . And I took it , and held it and loved him essentially . THIS is what tango is . THIS is why we reach for eachother , why we suffer the doubt , the fear , the pain . I want a drills class . One where we come together for an hour - - 15 minute warm - up , 35 minutes of drills , then cool down . Every other dance I 've done has this kind of class , but I 'm not seeing much of it in Tango . At least , not in my community . And certainly not in the classes . The best milonga classes I 've taken spend half their time on drills . I guess I could email teachers and ask for a drills class . Or maybe get a group together of others who are interested in a drills class , and have each of us take a couple to lead the rest of the group . Any ideas on this ? And where I can get examples of drills ? Excerpted from a letter with a friend , about losing our mojo in tango . It does underlie everything in the dance , doesn 't it ? It 's hard though , in those moments of lapse , to remember that anything else exists . What is it about tango that strips us ? I think it 's the music . It 's so absolute , and in the absence of our own mojo , the music intensifies the lack . It pulls from my gut that sense of want and then tugs me along like a pull toy . Sometimes I hate feeling played with that way . And sometimes I can think of nothing else . It 's the lover that knows all the buttons to push ; to melt me and to denigrate me and to bring me high and to show I 'm nothing , and then to make me beg for more because I 've rarely felt something so beautifully intense . I don 't feel the same with alternative music . From that , I can just walk away if the night isn 't flowing . But never from traditional . It follows me , sits with me , demands my attention . Sometimes I have to find that bravado , that mojo , that sense of fullness in myself . . . just to make it go away for a couple minutes so I can breathe . But then , in that second of breath , I fall in love all over again . Ahhhhh , I think I 'm getting it now . When Filo was here last week , he said something along the lines of , when you connect through the embrace you can stop thinking about the feet , because they will just follow the embrace . When I danced with a friend , he told me , You have to love them all , embrace them all like they are the only one . The other day a teacher told me , when you cross in close embrace you still keep that connection . Don 't open up , don 't lose the contact . I finally got it . On Saturday , I had some lovely very connected dances in close embrace . We maintained contact and the feet ( for the most part ) just went where they were supposed to . And then I had a dance with a leader I 'd never danced with before . There was a height issue , and he kept pulling away , breaking our contact . It was like night and day for me ! I couldn 't believe how much harder he was to follow ( and how much worse my dancing ! ) . I hadn 't realized that losing that connection , for even a second , is like dancing off the beat . Thanks , Janet Little . Here 's a reminder for you , E . Plateauing is like climbing a mountain . You work really hard , and then you reach that plateau and you get a chance to cruise for awhile . Enjoy the sunshine , smell the wildflowers , gaze at the clouds and find dragons , maybe eat some lunch . Catch your breath . But at some point you start to get anxious . You still have so much mountain to climb , and it still seems so far away . So you start to hurry . And notice less of the beauty around you , because your focus has shifted . It means you 're ready for the next part of your journey . Ready to start up that mountain again . Ready to focus and get down to business . So this dissatisfaction with your plateau , it 's a good thing . And you 'll be climbing again soon ! So , just 10 more days until we transfer . We did an ultrasound to check my uterine lining today . It needs to be at least a 9 to be cozy enough for the embryos to snuggle in , and with 1o more days to go we are already at a 9 . My body is doing just what it needs to be doing . Now , we are just wanting those eggies to do their job ! Ok , who doesn 't love her ? Really ? And want to dance like her ? And , Lust after her . Which may be completely inappropriate , but I just can 't help it . This one , because I can 't keep my eyes off the curve of her hips . She 's so luscious in this skirt that I can barely concentrate on her dance . And this one , for the passion in her dance . He 's ok , too . Ha ! I 've had a quiet week in the blogoshpere , because my real life has been jam packed . 1 . Virus on computer . 2 . 2nd week of school , including an overnight for my middle schooler . 3 . Board meetings ( already ! ) - - I 'm on our charter school 's board of directors . 4 . Placement meetings , and tours of the ( sorta ) new school for 16 yr . old . Yay ! He has a school and starts Monday ! 5 . Normal everyday life , including a house that is messy 12 minutess after I clean it ; the never - ending pile of laundry which currently includes my 22 yr . old brother 's laundry ( because I 'm nice like that ) ; dinner and keeping the fridge stocked with 3 growing boys working hard to keep it empty ; and of course , work . 6 . Oh right , did I mention daily hormone injections and the mental energy of thinking of getting myself knocked up ? And , of course , dance . I danced Thursday , Friday and Saturday nights last week , did workshops on Saturday and Sunday , and danced Monday night too ! And here it is , Thursday night again and the dancing week starts over for me . So , you see , something had to give . It was you or my kids , Friends . And frankly , they are MUCH louder than you . I 'm hoping to get a little time this afternoon to talk about the workshops this past weekend with Filo Avignonesi . Very Interesting . . . . I LOVE when a leader ends a song with a wonderful pose , and then holds it . He doesn 't drop our embrace , or make a bunch of adjustments . He just holds me there , in stasis . Until the next song , until he 's ready to move , and then he just picks up from where we are , one smooth transition into the next moment . I love that feeling of stillness and anticipation with eachother . And I love that he 's secure enough to just hold me there . I always feel beautiful in that moment , and all else just fades away in that fuzzy out of focus way , because our attention is focused on eachother and we come into realization that it 's just us . The music is silent , and we 're just holding eachother . Not wrapped in the third party , the tango . Just wrapped in each other . Thank you for being my last dance of the night . Thank you for not apologizing for being sweaty . For not shying away from the small of my back and the length of my spine and my sweat , mingling with yours . Thank you for the movements in your body , and for the way you asked me to move with you . Thank you for the soft smile . Thank you for not breaking our embrace between songs , but for enjoying the pause and the stillness between us , and thank you for leading our moment into the next , as if our time together is so precious that we dare not waste a moment by separating . and thank you for that length of time , after the last song of the evening , where we waited hopefully for the next , and the bit of regret in your voice as we said our thank you 's and walked off the floor together . I finished it , and it was surprisingly easy . The next will be a snap , and I 've already picked out the fabric . The only change I will have to make to the pattern is to shorten the back a little ( it creases at the waist ) , and tighten the bust a bit . Though , I did get some mild wrinkles around the boning , when I sewed it in . I think it was because the boning was already in a casing , so I just sewed the casing in . The pattern called for me to make the casing from excess in the 5 / 8 , but I figured that using the boning already in the casing reinforced it , and the material I 'm making the corset out of is lightweight , so . . . . there are a few small wrinkles . Next time I will use the boning without the casing . I have to shimmy to get in and out of it , but it 's super cute and will look GREAT with a pair of black palazzos . Which , I will make tomorrow . And wear tomorrow or Saturday night . I 'll post a picture then . Our chain fabric store finally got in some decent lighter weight jersey knit in fall colors , for the palazzo pants but before I could even get down there some wench bought the entire bolts of the black , the lighter blue and the navy blue ! So mad ! I don 't like to order fabric over the internet because I want to touch it , and this is so frustrating ! They can special order more , but they were saying it would take 4 - 6 weeks . Please feel free to bypass this rant . It 's part of the reason I am C R A N K Y . Tomorrow is the first day of school . For everyone except my foster son , because at this juncture we don 't know WHERE he will be going to school . For those of you that don 't know the system , by the time they become teens , most kids have been in and out of foster homes , have some kind of history of bad stuff ( abuse , violence , drugs , stealing , etc . ) , and don 't go to regular public schools , blah blah . Maybe this isn 't true about all foster teens , but I only take the hard to place teens , which means there will be some significant back history that makes schooling challenging . When I took this teen in ( mid - way through July ) , I said that I wanted schooling addressed as soon as possible , to be able to work on creating a success story before he even walked in the door . Knowing where he would be , visiting , meeting teachers before , helping them understand how to manage his behaviours , giving him an early idea of what to expect . Mental preparation . But in August we got switched to a new case worker , we can 't sort out who his prescriber for meds is ( so he 's out ) , his special care nurse has not called to make an appointment , AND WE STILL DON ' T KNOW WHERE HE WILL GO TO SCHOOL ! Because of his situation , we can 't just walk in and enroll him in a school . His records need to be gone through , multiple meetings need to happen to determine the best placement , etc . So , what this means is that we are starting out in the red . Negative Balance , here . No meds , no mental preparation , and lots of stress and anxiety . His case worker is wonderful . Really . And doing the best he can , but he has over 200 kids on his case load , and he 's supposed to be caring for ALL of them . It 's no wonder nothing gets accomplished . Sigh . It 's my job to help this kid be successful , but I can only go so far , and the State is not supporting me . Not because they are bad , or because it 's personal . It 's not . But this system , our foster care system , is BAD . It 's diseased . It 's amazing it works at a6 Somewhere about 6pm last night I became C R A N K Y . There 's no good reason . The children were wonderful , I knew what we were having for dinner ( I hate planning dinner . ) , I was working on a sewing project that was deceptively simple ( still waiting for the ' i 'm difficult ' shoe to drop - - it always does , but usually not until I 've pieced it all together only to realize , " OH ! , so that 's what that meant ! " ) , and my favorite tango class of the week was in less than an hour . * hormones , ugh * So , I went to class hoping it would lift my mood . It didn 't . I couldn 't walk on the beat and was just a half a second behind nearly every time . . . even with D ' Arienzo . How can I miss the beat with D ' Arienzo ? I stumbled through class and contemplated skipping the practica , but many of the leaders I enjoy dancing with were there , and it 's the only alternative dance I attend all week and I like that little bit of extra spice . So I stayed . And the leaders were wonderful , as they most often are . And I Was Not . But here 's the interesting thing . I saved one of the leaders I most like dancing with until my mood picked up a bit . And at the end , we stepped onto the floor , and half a song in I had to stop . I just couldn 't fake it with him . I couldn 't pretend I heard something I didn 't , couldn 't pretend I felt something I didn 't , couldn 't be in his arms and not give him the very best of me . I couldn 't give him MUD . So , I ended the tanda halfway into the first song with lots of apologies . He was gracious , as always . A true gentleman . This brought home something that has been percolating in my head lately . It is NOT better to dance even if I don 't feel it or like it . I used to feel so desperate for the dance that I would take anything I was handed , and now . . . . not so much . Now , I am beginning to feel like I 'd rather not dance than dance something untrue , unkind or half - hearted . I think this is a good sign . I love the first few phrases of the song . When you embrace me , and take your time to settle in with me , when we synchronize our breathing and then settle a little more . Like in yoga , when we breathe and get that much more of a stretch . I love when we are with each other and the music plays over us and then settles itself into us , and we just allow it to happen . No rush , maybe a slight movement , or a weight change , but no rush . Those few phrases are some of the most precious to me . and then we dance . So , after my short - lived love affair , I 've returned to the mental musings of a lezzie . I guess that just means my primary orientation is lezzie ? I don 't know , whatever . . . So , on Saturday a couple of my very bestest ( lezzie ) friends came to the milonga . ( Since all my Pre - Tango friends have dropped off my social spectrum , I 've realized I have to import them ! ) Now , these are the friends from this post , the ones that I always feel comfortable with , the ones that I can cry or scream or laugh or just simply be with . But it was a bit weird for me . Here 's why . When I tango , it 's a different side of me . The me that is completely feminine . ( I didn 't realize I am so compartmentalized . . . . think I need to work on integration ? ) And with these friends , well . . . . we are part of a drag king troupe . We spend our free time as male impersonators . It was weird to have the two worlds come crashing together . I had a few moments of feeling very exposed when I was embraced by one of my tango crushes . . . . because I love being in his arms so much . ( For the record , this is totally my own insecurity - - these friends would love me even if I grew 6 heads . In fact , they 'd love me 6x as much . ) This is so weird to me , friends . I am so confused about where I am on the spectrum right now . Now that I 'm settled with being attracted to men as well as women , I think it 's time to sort out what to do with all these facets of masculine and feminine . I like that I can work on my car and then dress in sexy clothes and dance . But maybe there 's a way to integrate those sides without it being so drastic . Less drama , more flow . . . I 've been sewing a lot lately . I go through spurts . Sometimes I knit like mad , but then I get knitted out and have to just look at that lovely stash of yarn until more inspiration hits . But right now , it 's sewing . Because , Tango clothes are surprisingly easy to sew . I 'll post some pictures when I can beg my friend to come take some ( because unlike most of you , I just don 't seem to have the picture bug ) . Last night I purchases a corset pattern . It looks complicated , but if I can figure it out , it should be fun . I always admire the corset look on the girls at the milonga . I 'll keep you updated . Thank you , Helen Stern . Usually , my feet don 't hurt . But last night I wore my cute new shoes ( see them here , but mind the toes ) and they have a bit of a platform to them . Not much , more like extra cushioning . It made it a little harder for me to really feel the floor , and I think I was heavier on my feet than normal . The heel is also a little higher then what I normally wear , so maybe that added to it . But today , the ball of my foot has the beginnings of a blister , but will probably turn into a callus instead , and is t e n d e r . But I danced today anyway . * sigh * Woe is me . . . or my poor feetses . There are lots more out there , but I 'm supposed to be working and those three were the ones that immediately jumped to mind . Well , and of course Johanna 's entire blog . ( shhhh . . . don 't tell her I am like , totally in love . I don 't think she 's figured it out yet . ) Today is crappy yucky doodoo again . I think today I will blame it on hormones , and just keep seeking the things that give me a little glimmer , a little reminder of light . * sigh * ( We better damn well get a baby this time , because this hormone crap gets old . ) ( But S , if you are reading this , it 's totally worth it . Really , these are the hormones talking . And they go away . Don 't feel bad . ) Go read this post again . It 's guaranteed to make a crappy day better . At least , that 's what I 'm hoping . And if you haven 't read it yet ( anyone out there read my blog that isn 't a tangophile ? You should read this post to . It 's beautiful and soulful and one of the reasons we all dance . ) , GO READ IT . Is it possible to be a dancer and still have beautiful feet ? I used to have beautiful feet . And now ? They aren 't so beautiful . Or maybe they are just beautiful in a different way . Today , I have toenails that are a mess ( How do I keep doing that to my toenails ? Why don 't I notice it when it 's happening ? ) , a blister peeling off , calluses that I don 't seem to be able to rub off no matter how pumicey my pumice stone is , a giant bruise where some mislead young thing stuck her sharp sharp heel into the top of my foot , a nasty scratch across the top of the same foot from MY heel , a fading tan that doesn 't match my heels . . . Maybe I need to redefine beautiful feet . This week I am dealing with what I see as judgment from someone I love immensely . This is supposition on my part , but something happened that left my friend feeling used , disrespected , unheard and maybe a whole bunch of other things . And I feel judged , unheard , disrespected and angry . I 'm not really looking for feedback or comment on the situation with my friend , but I wanted to write a bit about my role as a mother , about peoples ' judgments of me , and about where I am with that stuff . I 'm not the best mom in the whole world . I 'm not even close . And I 've been a single parent for enough years now that I can 't even remember what it was like to share parenting . I had my kids young , and so most of my adult life has been as a parent . I 've done a lot of my growing up right along with my kids ( bless their patient little hearts . ) I was married to an abusive mentally ill man . It started to get really bad before I was even pregnant with my second , but I loved him and wanted him to have the love and support , and knew we would / could work through it together . And we tried . But the pregnancy with my second child was traumatic . My husband was beyond my help and really struggling and it was ugly . And so while my son gestated , my house was full of yelling , anger , threats , fear , and intensity . I feared for my life at times . 9 months after our second son was born , friends refused to let me go home to him , or to take my children home to him . It was a full scale , we - don 't - think - you 'll - live - through - the - night - if - you - go - home Intervention . And so I didn 't go home , and my marriage ended . But let me assure you , the guilt did not . Neither did the abuse , not for a long time after . But the guilt . My younger son was so angry . His first several years , it was his defining characteristic . Did I make him that way , exposing him to all that stress in utero ? Did I not protect him enough ? Did his father 's illness warp his precious baby years ? My older son witnessed those ugly scenes . Did he learn that was the way to treat women ? Did he feel like he had to 9 It has been a crap week . Seriously . There were several times where I considered drowning myself in my toilet . Except , as my oh so charming ( and very dry sense of humored ) twelve - year - old let me know , my head is too big to expect to reasonably drown myself in the toilet . Perhaps I should try the bathtub . I know a lot of people will assume it is because of the end of the my brief love affair , but I moved through that one quickly . Today , I 'm at peace . It was bad timing for both , and oh but we made each other feel good for a short bit of time . How can I feel anything but joy over that ? And , as I explained to a friend before , my life was so good before and he only added to it . Him being gone didn 't ever take anything away , and ahhh , the reminder of the luscious juiciness I have ( and had ! ) inside me . But it wasn 't C - R - A - P because of him , but for a whole bevy of communication issues with others . People I disappointed , made angry , misconstrued , didn 't construe at all , whatever . I went to the practica last night with the intention to listen . Just really listen . Not filter , not push my own , but to just listen because apparently this week I 've dropped that ball on listening and / or interpreting in my other relationships . And what I got was a warm reminder that I am worthy , that people want my input , that misconstruing something can be turned into a different movement with equally pleasurable results , and that an off moment is just that - - another moment . I needed to dance last night . I needed it . Funny how it has become more than just music , more than just connection , more than an ever - pounding series of thoughts . It 's become something my body craves , something that soothes my mind , something that allows me to reflect . It 's become part of me and how I move through my day . How did I get by before tango ? So , now that I feel like I am starting to be able to discern different styles , orchestras , etc . , I am wanting to really delve into the music . But my cobbled together collection rarely has names , dates , etc , which is maddening . It 's ridiculous to sit and hope I hear a particular piece of music somewhere where I can ask for all its dirty little secrets . So , tango friends , how did you build your tango collections ? Where did you find the music ? What are the must - haves ? I haven 't blogged much about tango in the last couple weeks because I 've been doing a lot of dancing and a lot of growing . I feel like I jumped several levels , and found the right teacher at the right time , and let my heart and ego go enough to be able to receive the lessons . I had a wonderful class on Music with a friend , where a lot of the intuitive knowing of the music was broken down into words and thoughts , and that helped my musicality immensely . I feel like I have a long long long way to go , but I 'm a couple steps closer . I also had that moment where it really hit me that I have to give , and a couple of dances that reinforced it for me . Before , I would hear what was being asked , and I would ( hopefully ) do it , but I wasn 't in there . I was too busy worrying about whether I was doing the thing he asked . Somewhere in there , I found my connection and was able to put a little of myself into the dance . So now when I 'm asked to cross , I don 't just have to rush to the cross , but I can do it with the flavor I want it to have . But really , there aren 't words to describe what I 'm learning . It 's all integration . I needed this step so I could relax and enjoy it a little , and so that I can start really working on technique . so , that 's the tango update . This is my 100th post ! So , today is my last day on birth control pills . I started Lupron last Sunday . With surrogacy , they control every aspect of my reproductive cycle . They put me on birth control pills to know just where I am and to control when I shed my lining . They put me on Lupron to suppress my ovaries so I don 't ovulate . Then they ask me to bleed one more time . Once I do , they start me on Estrogen to build my endometrial lining . They can hold me in stasis with Estrogen for a while , for weeks or longer , until the Intended Mother has nice ripe eggs developing in roomy follicles . Right before they harvest her eggs , they start me on Progesterone , to simulate the hormonal process that happens in early pregnancy . So we suggest to my body that I am ready and then we put in embryos and HOPE . We will transfer happily dividing embryos , probably 2 , into my prepared uterus on September 23rd . On October 4th , we will draw blood for a quantitative HCG count . Hopefully the numbers will tell us we are pregnant . I don 't mind the hormones so much . They make me feel a little off stability , but they remind me that I have to be gentle with myself and others . They shine a light on the romanticism I often push aside because of business . They push me to really think about my gut reactions . I love these people that I am hoping to carry for , and each time I talk with them , each time I hear her tell me with pride something about her son that I grew , I am overcome with joy and gratitude . I am part of their happiness , their world . I really want it to work this time . I really want to hear the joy when the nurses call me with the number . I really want to hear their full body retention as we wait for the second beta , and then the u / s because they 've , we 've , already had so many disappointments . Please , please , please let it work this time . and so I 'll say it was short - lived , and what pleasure to have those few moments together . And it will be Truth , but really , only half - Truth . Because , really , what can I say ? What words can I let fall from my mouth that describe how I feel ? It would be an unstoppable torrent , and probably unintelligible . Because , really , it doesn 't make sense . We had little time together . Certainly not enough to warrant this depth and complexity of feeling . Because , really , he was honest and kind and moral ( gag , choke , vomit - - what girl wants moral ? ) . Because , really , how can it leave this hole right there ? How can there be a dent that is filling with sadness , despair , and loss ? I didn 't have any Right to him . I didn 't have any Right to lose myself in those feelings . Except that Right that comes from knowing there is more there than just liking the way he smells , or the way his voice softens , or the surprising vulnerability he shows . There are lifetimes of interaction that played out in a few simple body exchanges . And I said that if we walked away I would be grateful for the reminder that I can love again , grateful for the chance to examine some long held beliefs , that I would understand and be gracious . That I would celebrate him caring for himself , and I would look forward with joy to the next opportunity we had . And those things are true . They are . I mean all of them , and will eventually feel just exactly those things . But right now , I just want to cry at the loss . At the chances missed . At the stories we won 't share . I didn 't expect to open my heart . I didn 't expect to desire someone so completely . I didn 't expect . and I am stunned . And I know there is a wall of people out there , and they are going to ask . and what can I say to them ? just that it was short - lived , and what pleasure those few moments we had were . I don 't plan it this way , friends . But for some reason , on Thursdays , the words literally come flying out my fingertips . I have little else to say all week , but Thursdays . . . . So , I apologize for cluttering up your readers , for overwhelming you , or for just taking over your day ( narcy of me to think that I would get that much attention from you , no ? ) , but the blogGODS have apparently decreed that Thursday is Throw - Up day . . . . so there you are . Enjoy ! This morning I started my day shushing my newly - 20 yr old . awwwwww . . . . . . . I got to be irritated with my 20 yr . old way too early this morning . It 's totally made my day . Yesterday , 19 - yr - old turned 20 . I hadn 't talked to him in about a week . I came home from work , and my 12 year old says , " Mom , call 20 - yr - old . " So I do , at the provided number , one I don 't recognize . 20 - yr - old : Mom * , I 'm stranded in Springfield . ManyMom : Happy Birthday ! 20 - yr - old : Thanks . Mom , I 'm stranded in Springfield . [ . . . ] Long story short , he wants me to come rescue him . so i do . * * * * * * At midnight , as I am bleary eyed and going to bed , he is chirpily making impromptu plans for a party the next day . AT MY HOUSE . clever child . I missed all the details , warm and fuzzy in loving him ; who says no ? At 7 : 22 am , I suddenly bolt out of bed , remembering no one put out the garbage . " 20 - yr - old , go put the garbage out . " Which he does , good lad . 20 - yr - old : Mom , can you like , get up and clean a little ? ManyMom : What ? What ? 20 - yr - old , no . I 'm not up . You 're seeing things " [ pause ] 20 - yr - old : Mom , they 're gonna be here at 9 . ManyMom : WHAT ? ! ? You knowingly invited people to be here , at my house , at 9 IN THE MORNING ? Why ? Why would you do that ? 20 - yr - old : [ flipping explanation deleted , because it was not even remotely a good enough reason ] ManyMom : WHY did you think that would be a good idea ? 20 - yr - old : Well , at 3 : 42am , when we decided this , it seemed like a good idea . ManyMom : sigh , yes , I guess it would . I remember those days . So , I remind him that NO ONE gets to talk to me until I 've had coffee and he 'd better go meet his friend at the bus stop and NOT bring him home at 9 am . In exchange , I will cook for them , get snacks and promise not to embarrass him too much in front of his friends when they return LATE in the afternoon . 20 - yr - old : Mom , um , can I , like , have some money . . . for bus fare ? ManyMom : I don 't have any money right now . You have to plan ahead . I haven 't been to the bank yet . I have no money . Hey , where 's your money ? 20 - yr - old : Well , can 't you just , like , write me a check 3 I read people 's blogs . I can 't help it . It 's a lot like being invited into their heads for a coffee date . How charming . . . And so , I cordially invite you to a coffee date in my head . . . Welcome .
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AbelBy FaithPastor Jerry Gillis - February 26 , 2017Faith speaks . What does yours say ? Video Low / Video High / Audio / Sermon Transcript Listen Now / Video Podcast / Audio Podcast More From This Series Look To JesusPastor Jerry GillisPart 1 - Feb 19 , 2017 Watching Now In spite of what we know to be true from the Scripture , why is it so easy for us to slip into thinking we can impress God ? What does it mean to trust in Jesus and rest in Him ? What does that look like in everyday life ? Daily ReadingsMon : Genesis 4 : 1 - 12Tue : Psalm 40 : 1 - 17Wed : Psalm 51 : 1 - 19Thu : Hebrews 10 : 1 - 12Fri : Matthew 6 : 1 - 18Sat : 1 Thessalonians 1 : 1 - 10Memory VerseBy faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did . By faith he was commended as righteous , when God spoke well of his offerings . And by faith Abel still speaks , even though he is dead . ( Hebrews 11 : 4 ) TranscriptSometimes our faith can actually make our lives speak louder than our words . You may or may not know the history surrounding an African - American lady from Alabama , Birmingham , who worked odd jobs , and who was sitting on a segregated bus , but decided not to give up her seat , even though she was seated in the proper segregated section according to that bus . And was asked by a Caucasian driver to get up and give up her seat for another Caucasian passenger . She didn 't . Her name was Rosa Parks . Some of you have studied her , some of you may have heard about her during Black History month , which is this month . But Rosa Parks was an extraordinary lady that helped in the process of changing the tenor of the civil rights movement in the United States . She was not the first one to do what she did nor was she the last , but she was one . And as a result , God used her in a unique way and I say that advisedly . God used her in a unique way because she was actually a person of deep faith who loved the Lord Jesus Christ . She 's also the first woman upon her death at the age of ninety - two years old , the first woman to ever lie in state in the Capital Rotunda in Washington , D . C . What a powerful life . Who seemed to be a nondescript woman who , by the way , many of you in the room most likely most of us that are watching in this room or in another room or in another campus , most likely we don 't know by heart anything she ever said . But by her life , we know some things about her . It 's extraordinary , really . This was a woman who put her confidence and her faith and trust in God , even in very difficult times , who taught Sunday School , who helped to prepare the serving of Communion in her local church . An extraordinary lady who we don 't really remember anything she ever said . But her life , based in faith still speaks . The truth is that for you and I what we should remember is that 's what faith does . Faith speaks loudly . Even maybe when there aren 't words to correspond even sometimes there should be , but even when there aren 't words to correspond , faith can speak loudly . And it should for us as well . Now we 've been studying faith , we started last week in this series in Hebrews chapter number 11 , which is where we 're going to be over the next number of weeks . And in this series , we started to understand some things about faith . We first began by understanding that Hebrews is talking about the object of our faith being Jesus . From chapter one through chapter ten and then into chapter twelve and thirteen we find out that Jesus Himself is the object of our faith . But we also learned a thing or two about the essence of our faith , because Hebrews chapter 11 verse number 1 talks about it . Notice what it said , it said " Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see . " And so we learned that that is kind of the essence of the definition of faith . But then the writer goes on in verse number 2 to say this : " This ( faith ) is what the ancients were commended for . " Now , what you have in the remainder of Hebrews chapter 11 is you have kind of this role call of faith heroes . Over and over and over again you 've got a number of them and this is not an unlikely thing in the ancient world . This happened quite often . Whenever there was a point to be made , sometimes they would make a list of examples , particularly people that exemplified these things and so what you find in Hebrews chapter 11 is a number of people who are talked about in terms of their faith and how they lived that out , and what that looked like in their world . This is what faith , what the ancients were commended for , these Old Testament saints , as the writer to these Hebrew Christians looks back on , all of these Old Testament saints , he 's saying this is what they were commended for . They were commended for their faith . And then they give a bunch of examples . But then the writer goes on in verse number 3 to remind us of something else . He says , " By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God 's command , so that what is seen was not made out of what is visible . " In other words , he 's correlating the idea of the essence of our faith , to be sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see or to be confident in what we hope for , and assured of what we do not see . And he corresponds that to the very beginning of everything , because no one was around when God made and spoke everything into existence . Nobody was there . How then do we know that it occurred ? By faith the writer tells us . He tells us that that is the foundation , that is the beginning point that we have to believe that God exists and that God is the One who spoke into motion everything that exists . By His own time table and His own processes in a way that He chose , this is what God did and this is the foundation of our very faith . And then , it begins to go on because we find out that God made everything out of nothing by speaking it into existence . Theologians call this ex no - hilo . It 's a wonderful term that you can impress people at a party with if you want . But you don 't remember it and so you 'll have to go back and watch this again to say what was that he said ? He said something like Hawaii Five - O , what was that that he said ? I can 't remember exactly . God made everything out of nothing , and we believe that and we trust that , and we have an assurance of that by faith in who He 's revealed Himself to be . But what the writer is also doing is he 's calling our attention to the book of Genesis when he says that , because whenever you start talking about the very beginning of everything , God creating everything , your mind runs back to the book of Genesis . Which makes perfect sense because what the writer is going to do is that the first eight people that he talks about in terms of their faith example are all lifted from the book of Genesis . It 's seven maybe formally but I count Sarah , even though she 's in Abraham 's kind of text ? I still count her . So it would be eight if you count Sarah and I do . Sarah , love you . Alright ? But you 'd find it interesting , it seems that the writer would start his first example of faith when he 's talking out of the book of Genesis , you would think that maybe Adam and Eve would be kind of the first examples , so to speak , but they 're not . The first example is a man named Abel . That 's who we 're going to look at today and see what we can glean from his life of faith . In fact , verse number 4 of Hebrews 11 says it this way : " By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did . By faith he was commended as righteous , when God spoke well of his offerings . And by faith Abel still speaks , even though he is dead . " Now , you might find it interesting that the writer would begin with Abel , you think Abel , we don 't even know very much about Abel , I mean why would he start with Abel ? Well , if you knew who he was writing to , the writer of Hebrews , if you knew who he was writing to you would start to understand this better . You see , the writer of Hebrews is writing to struggling Hebrew , or Jewish Christians . They are facing persecution both from outside , from the Roman Empire , and even from some of their Jewish brethren , those who were mad that they 'd embraced the way of Jesus and claimed Jesus as Messiah and have broken away from Judaism . So they 're kind of being persecuted on two fronts . So once you begin to understand that , you start going okay , it makes really good sense that the writer is beginning with Abel . You remember the story , right ? That Cain , his brother killed him , right ? Primarily because of his faith . And so this guy , trying to instruct and even encourage these Hebrew Christians is writing to them and starting with Abel 's life , because some of them are experiencing persecution from their brothers , so to speak , the Jews . But you also find out in a hurry that the original readers of this would have also connected this to the Roman Empire . If you have done your history or read your history and you didn 't fall asleep in this particular world history class , you would have known when you studied the Roman Empire and understood a thing or two about the inception of Rome , that even though it 's kind of hazy as to what 's myth and what 's fact , because it gets a little bit hazy for some of the historians , that there were two brothers that were a part of what would ultimately be the beginning of the Roman Empire . Their names were Romulus and Remus . How many of you have heard of Romulus and Remus ? Awesome man , some of you are lying , but you look smart . That 's cool , some of you are are oh yeah , yeah , yeah I know them . Yeah , Beavis and Butt - Head , Romulus and Remus , they all came on on Fox , right ? I remember those shows , I remember them , right ? I can 't believe I just said Butt - Head on Sunday morning , sorry . It was a show , I was just quoting it , I didn 't watch it . Ha , Ha . Never saw it . Never saw it in my whole life . Don 't even know what you 're talking about . So Romulus and Remus , here 's the deal with them . They got into an argument about where they were going to found kind of this city and Romulus said it 's going to be over here on these hills and Remus said no , no it 's going to be on these hills . And they got into such an argument here 's what happened . Romulus killed his brother Remus . And then named the city after himself , Rome is from Romulus . And so , in two different ways you 've got this interesting way that the readers of this letter are processing that the writer is beginning with a man who was killed by his own brother . Both for their persecution from their brethren the Jewish people , and from the way that the other persecutors had started , which was a brother killing a brother . So it 's a unique way that they 're processing this at the beginning for those of you who are history buffs . But there are a few things that jump out of the text to us that teach us about faith that we need to grab hold of . And I 'm going to give you the first one . Here it is . " By faith , Abel brought God a better offering . " Okay . That 's the first thing that we learn out of this text . By faith , Abel brought God a better offering . In fact , let me show it to you in the text , it 's in the beginning part of Hebrews 11 verse 4 . " By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did . " Some of you wonder like where does he get his points ? From the Bible . And just as a heads - up , for any of you who are watching who may be watching us on television , I know we have pastors that watch us from time to time online and on television . Just as a reminder , what your people need is they need to hear the Word of God . They don 't just need all your cool stuff , they need to hear the Word of God . So , I 'll bet you 're thinking to yourself , well , that was real creative professor , where you got that point from . Yup ! Right from the text itself . By faith , Abel brought God a better offering . Well what made his offering better ? Well , we need to take a moment and we need to go back into the story for just a minute of Cain and Abel and so we 're going to push back to Genesis chapter 4 and pick up the story there . Here 's what it says , it says " Adam made love to his wife Eve , ( yes , I 'm reading the Bible ) and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain . She said , " With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man . " Later , she gave birth to his brother Abel . And now Abel kept flocks , ( so that meant that Abel was somebody who worked , he was like a shepherd , right ? ) and Cain worked the soil ( he was a farmer ) . In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord . And Abel also brought an offering - fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock . " Now that 's what the text itself tells us about their particular offerings . Now I need to back you up for a second because we know Cain and Abel came from Adam and Eve , right ? Two sons of Adam and Eve . Now what 's interesting about that is that Adam and Eve I 'm sure would have told stories about what life used to be like when they walked with God in the Garden . And I 'm sure that they told the story of how they even got to be clothed as they were . They didn 't used to be , but now they were . That God saw fit to clothe them with the skin of an animal , and the truth is that Cain and Abel would have known that full well , because they too were clothed with the skins of animals at this time as well , because people were actually wearing clothes at this point because of their shame in nakedness , right ? It didn 't used to be shame when they walked with God in the cool of the day in the Garden , but now it is . And so they learned a thing or two about that , and probably understood a thing or two about what proper worship was because they had watched their mom and their dad actually worship the Lord in whatever way that was , because God had instructed Adam and Even in how to do that . And so I 'm sure that Cain and Abel not only heard Adam and Eve tell them how God had instructed them to do that , but also they got to watch how they were supposed to do that . So when they show up with these offerings , they bring offerings from their particular place of work . So for Abel , he is bringing some of the fatty portions of some of the first - born from his flock . And Cain is bringing some of the choice things that are growing from the ground . Flowers and vegetation and whatever else it is that he 's growing , alright ? It doesn 't tell us all of that . So they both bring their offerings , but yet God looks upon Abel 's as satisfactory and looks upon Cain 's as not satisfactory . Some would suggest that it 's because Abel brought a blood offering . Some would suggest it 's because Abel brought some of the first - fruits so to speak of the first - born , that that was what he did . And that 's why his was acceptable . But here 's the thing . We need to pause . That 's conjecture . The text doesn 't tell us that . Genesis does not actually say that to us . So we have to be careful for what we read into it . We actually don 't know when we read Genesis what made Cain 's offering a rejected offering and what made Abel 's offering a received offering from the Lord . We don 't know from the text of Genesis , so thankfully we have Hebrews . Because Hebrews actually does tell us . By faith . That 's the difference between the two offerings . I am of the opinion that it 's possible that both of them , the material that they brought to offer to the Lord may have been exactly as they were described to have done . That Cain brought it from the produce of the land and that Abel brought it from the produce of the cattle , the sheep , the whomever , right ? That they brought it in conjunction with the way that the Lord had designed it but only one was accepted because only one , Abel , brought it by faith . In other words , what I 'm saying to you is this : I think that our emphasis on the material of the offering is wrong . That our emphasis ought to be on the heart . This is taught to us in the Scripture , it 's told to us over and over again , isn 't it ? That the issue of sacrifices even if you do them the right way if according to the Law , if the heart is not in the proper place , that that 's not where we want to be . That 's not what God desires , right ? Notice what Proverbs 15 verse number 8 says . It says " The Lord detests the sacrifice of the wicked . " In other words , they may have a wicked heart but they may get the sacrifice exactly right , maybe it 's exactly what they 're supposed to do by Law , but because their hearts are wicked the Lord detests it . " But the prayer of the upright pleases Him . " Because it 's coming from a place of faith in the heart . Or maybe you remember the conversation between Samuel the prophet and Saul the king , the first king of Israel . God had told Saul that He wanted , through Samuel he told Saul , He wanted all of the Amalekites and all of their stuff gone , like gone , see ' ya . No more Amalekites , they don 't exist anymore , I want them all gone . I want their sheep , I want it gone , gone , every bit of it gone . Do you get that ? Gone . So what happens ? Samuel comes to Saul after the battle , says hey , did you do what God said ? Yep ! Everything 's gone . All the Amalekites , all their sheep , everything 's gone . He said , really ? Samuel says , then why is it I keep hearing baah , baah , why am I hearing that ? Is that me , is that me ? What 's going baah , baah ? And Saul 's like oh , no , no , I kept some of them because I was going to , I was going to sacrifice them for the Lord . Okay . To which Samuel replies in 1 Samuel chapter 15 : " Samuel replied : Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord ? To obey is better than sacrifice . And to heed is better than the fat of rams . " Why ? Because in his obedience he is exemplifying faith in the One who told him to do what He told him to do , instead of taking things into his own hands . Here 's what we know about Cain and Abel . Abel came in faith , he did the right thing with the right heart . Cain did not come in faith . He might have brought the right thing , but he didn 't bring it with the right heart . Somehow Cain had a plan that was his own . Maybe I 'll make my offering more impressive looking . I 'll put the flowers up and do , I don 't know what he was doing , but one was received and one was not . So by faith Abel brought God a better offering . But the second thing . By faith , Abel was commended as righteous . This is the second piece that we learn right here . And I get this from chapter 11 verse number 4 , which says this : " By faith he was commended as righteous , when God spoke well of his offerings . " You say well , okay there it is , Jerry . God spoke well of his offerings . Well , the writer of Hebrews is summarizing for us . He 's not giving us the whole story , he 's just calling our attention to the story . Cause you 're going , you see , it was something about the material of the offering because God commended him as righteous because He said He liked his offerings . Let 's go back to the story for a second , Genesis 4 , listen to what it says . " The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering , but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor . So Cain was very angry , and his face was downcast . " You see , what we have to understand here is that we are not talking so much about the material here , we 're talking about the people . Because faith is what God commended as righteous in the life of Abel . Not just that he brought the right material , but that faith is what led him to bring the right thing with the right heart . This is what God commended as righteous . And see , we 're here reading in Hebrews chapter 11 about Abel , but chapter 10 in the book of Hebrews tells us that that 's how we know that people are made righteous , it is by faith . Listen to what it says in Hebrews 10 just a few verses above our text , " You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God , you will receive what He has promise , for in just a little while He who is coming will come and will not delay . " And then here 's the quote , " But my righteous one will live by faith . And I will take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back . " But the writer says , " But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed , but to those who have faith and are saved . " You see , ultimately he is calling him to a place of faith , because faith is what God commends as righteous . I don 't know if you 're like me but sometimes I wonder , like in Abel 's mind and in Abel 's heart , what was it that Abel was having faith in ? Obviously the object of his faith was God , but the definition of faith , it talks about it is the confidence in what we hope for and the assurance of what we do not see . What was that for Abel ? Well , again my mind has to go back to the fact that his mom and his dad , Adam and Eve had spoken very clearly about what life was like in the Garden walking with God . Could you imagine ? Could you imagine if you 're talking to Adam and he gets this far away gazed look in his eyes and says , man , you should have been there . I wish you could have been there . I mean it was , the relationship was so intimate , it was so precious . But then , I 'm sure Adam and Eve chronicled about how they chose to walk their own way , and then they were cast out of the Garden itself . And that outside of the Garden there were flaming swords that were there that would keep out anyone who wanted to return in . Right ? You couldn 't get in , because you 'd die . So I wonder if what Abel 's confidence is is that his confidence is in God in the hope that he might be able to experience a Garden type of relationship with God . That that was his hope . But do you know what he was assured of ? Only God could make that happen . Because Abel himself could not enter back into the Garden , this place which was kind of built as a dwelling place for the presence of God . He couldn 't enter himself , because of the flaming swords that were guarding the way in . There was no way in , only God could do that . But his faith believed that God could . Even though he couldn 't see how that was going to happen . So , by faith Abel brought God a better offering . By faith Abel was commended as righteous . But thirdly , by faith Abel still speaks . Again , thank you professor , here 's what it says , " And by faith Abel still speaks , even though he is dead . " Obviously , we 're reading a passage of Scripture about him that is speaking to us from his life of faith . Now six thousand years removed from his time , or thereabouts . Even though he 's dead , he 's speaking . You know what 's interesting about that as well , is that when we go back into the book of Genesis , do you know what else we find and we figure out ? We have no recorded words of Abel . Nothing . We don 't know of anything that he said . We only know that his life of faith speaks . In fact , let 's push back into Genesis chapter 4 . It says " The Lord said to Cain , ' Why are you angry ? " ( Obviously , you know , God didn 't accept his offering . ) " Why is your face downcast ? If you do what is right , will you not be accepted ? But if you do not do what is right , sin is crouching at your door ; it desires to have you , but you must rule over it . " Now Cain said to his brother Abel , " Let 's go out to the field . " And while they were in the field , Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him . Then the Lord said to Cain , " Where is your brother Abel ? " " I don 't know , " he replied . " Am I my brother 's keeper ? " You wouldn 't even let your kids talk to you like this , right ? And the Lord said , " What have you done ? Listen ! Listen , Cain ! Your brother 's blood cries out to me from the ground . " This is a serious thing indeed . We 've got no words from Abel , but we hear his life of faith still speaking to us . Martin Luther actually said it this way , and I 'm kind of paraphrasing at this point . The great reformer . He said , that in his life , Abel was unable to teach his brother about faith . But in his death , he 's able to teach the whole world . Even though he didn 't say anything . We just see his life of faith . And that 's actually what got him killed . I wonder when I read that portion of Scripture in the book of Genesis , I often wonder , what did the sovereign Judge of all hear coming from the ground from Abel 's blood ? Because he said , listen ! I hear your brother 's blood . It 's calling out to me . My imagination tells me that what he was hearing was - justice ! And rightly so ! Abel had done nothing wrong , and Cain took him out into the field . And when you read this in the original text , the word that talks about killing him is the same word for slaughtering an animal . That he probably took his brother out into a field , and he cut him open , and he bled him dry , just like they 'd do an animal . Slaughtered him . And so , here we are , 6 , 000 how many plus years after that event , and we are still talking about Abel 's faith . Often times we get concentrated on Cain , and what he did wrong , and rightly so , because Jude talks about not taking the way of Cain . But here , our text is talking about Abel . Even in death , Abel 's faith speaks . Listen . So should ours . Our faith should speak loudly . We can combine it with words that demonstrate our faith , but our faith , in our very lives , even if we had not said anything , should speak very , very loudly . And here 's why . Because Abel did not have the advantage that we have . Abel did not have the grace that we have . Abel was not able - forgive the pun . Abel was not able to behold what we have beheld . He only looked through the lens of faith and saw hazily in his hope . But we have seen clearly in the face of Jesus . That everything that he hoped for in promise , we have seen in promise fulfilled in Jesus . And so , for us , we have a better word ! In fact , the writer of Hebrews tells us that exact thing , after this chronicle of all these people of faith in Hebrews chapter 11 . In chapter 12 , listen to how he tells us what our advantage is . He says , you have come to Mount Zion , to the city of the living God , the heavenly Jerusalem . You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly , to the church of the firstborn , whose names are written in heaven . You have come to God , the Judge of all , to the spirits of the righteous made perfect , to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant , and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel . His word speaks a better word than the blood of Abel . So while Abel 's blood may call out - justice , Jesus ' blood answers - yes ! And mercy . While Abel 's blood may call out - vengeance , Jesus ' blood answers - yes ! And forgiveness . And while Abel 's blood may call out - wrath , Jesus ' blood answers - yes ! And grace . Because Jesus has become on our behalf everything that we could desire , because it is through him and in him and for him that we can be reconciled to God . We have a better word and a better hope because of what he 's done . And as a result , do you know what that means ? It means that our faith lives should speak loudly . Let me tell you what they should say . Let me tell you a few things about what they should say . Our faith should speak , and say , first of all , that Jesus alone is the superior offering . Jesus alone is the superior offering . Jot that down . I don 't have it on the screens yet , but there it is . All I have to do is ask . Ask and it shall be given to you . Jesus alone is the superior offering . Here 's what I 'm talking about . Listen to what Hebrews 5 says . Therefore , when Christ came into the world , he said : " Sacrifice and offering you did not desire , but a body you prepared for me ; with burnt offerings and sin offerings you were not pleased . Then I said , ' Here I am - it is written about me in the scroll - I have come to do your will , my God . ' " ( This is Jesus . ) First he said , " Sacrifices and offerings , burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire , nor were you pleased with them " - though they were offered in accordance with the law . Then he said , " Here I am , I have come to do your will . " He sets aside the first to establish the second . And by that will , we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all . You see , ladies and gentlemen , for us , our faith should speak that Jesus alone is the superior offering . Here 's what that means practically . Here 's what it means practically . Stop trying to impress God with something that 's not Jesus . You can 't . Cain tried . He tried to impress God with a material offering , but it did not come by faith in the God he was offering to . And we do that ! We try to impress God . Maybe with what we give , a gift that we give , or maybe with our attendance . As if we 're showing up , and God 's going , oh wow . Man , thank you so much for coming ! Gah . I didn 't know what I was going to do . And then you walked in , and I was like , woooh ! Right ? Hey listen , God loves you , and he 's delighted that you 're here to worship , and we shouldn 't forsake the assembly of ourselves together as Hebrews talks about even further along . We shouldn 't forsake that . But let 's not pretend that we can impress God with an offering that is not Jesus ! He is the superior offering . He was both the high priest and the sacrifice ! He is the only way we can be reconciled to God . This is it ! So let 's not try and work on trying to impress God , how we look or how we talk , or what we do . None of those things are going to work . God is impressed with his Son . And when we find ourselves by faith in Jesus , God is then impressed with us , not because of us , but because of Jesus ! It is not a work of our own . Why ? Because Jesus is the superior offering . He is the offering to end every offering . He offered himself once for all . Our faith should speak loudly about that . Our faith should also speak loudly that Jesus alone can restore us and make us righteous . Jesus alone can do that . Listen to how the writer of Hebrews says it in Hebrews chapter 10 verse 14 . For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy . What was that one sacrifice ? Let me give you the picture . Jesus is the one who went under the flaming sword and gave his life so that we could enter in to the presence of the garden of God . This is what Jesus has done on our behalf . That he himself offered his sinless self on behalf of our sinful selves , so that we could somehow be restored to relationship with God , and we could be made righteous . Not in our own works , we could never do that . But only because of what Jesus has done as the sinless sacrifice on our behalf . Jesus alone can restore us and make us righteous . But thirdly , our faith should speak that Jesus alone can vindicate us . Yes , when Abel was slain , his blood cried out . But his blood cried out to the only one that could vindicate - God . That 's how we know it 's by faith , even in his death ! And the truth is , ladies and gentlemen , whatever this life costs us , persecution , hardship , trouble , know this . God 's gonna set the score straight . He 's got his kids . He 's got your back . You may not know it , you may not think it . You may think to yourself , I 'm not so sure . I guarantee you on the authority of the nature of who God is , He has got you . And , everybody who thinks they got away with it , will not get away with it ! God sees it all . He sees it in you , and He sees it in the world . God will bring justice to the earth . His desire is that people would recognize that He has exacted his justice in the person of Jesus , and that when we trust him by faith , we can now be out from under that cloud . There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus . None ! But do you know what that means for those who reject Christ Jesus ? There is condemnation . There is condemnation . Oh you say , that 's not fair . Not fair ? ! You 're talking to the God who is perfect and holy and just ! And you 're lecturing God on what 's fair and not fair ? Jesus said he will bring justice . Listen to what he said in Luke chapter 18 . Jesus said , " And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones , who cry out to him day and night ? Will he keep putting them off ? I tell you , he will see that they get justice , and quickly . However , when the Son of Man comes , will he find faith on the earth ? " Will he actually be able to see people who will trust him for the justice instead of trying to take it in their own hands ? Trying to take it in their own hands , and taking the way of Cain ? Who 's mad at his brother because of his faith , and decides to kill him , and he exacts kind of this vengeance , because he 's angry at him . Are you gonna take the way of Cain , or are you going to trust it to God , which is the way of Abel ? That comes by faith . That 's a heart condition . Will you do that ? Whatever else it is that you face , God 's got your back , and he 's going to deal justly . You have to trust Him . In fact , that 's why he 's encouraging these struggling Hebrew Christians who are going through persecution . He 's encouraging them along this line . Hey , God heard Abel 's righteous blood . He heard it ! Don 't worry ! God 's going to deal justly . But he tells us he 's going to deal justly very specifically in 2nd Thessalonians chapter 1 . Listen to this . It 's strong . He says , " All this is evidence that God 's judgment is right , and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God . " Those who live by faith in Jesus . " . . . for which you are suffering . God is just : He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you and he will give relief to you who are troubled , and to us as well . This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with his powerful angels . He will punish those who do not know God and do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus . They will be punished with everlasting destruction and shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might on the day he comes to be glorified in his holy people and to be marveled at among all those who have believed . This includes you , because you believed our testimony to you . " Here 's what he 's saying . I 've got my people . I 've got the back of my children . And those who reject Jesus , and those who want to kill my people , and those who want to persecute my people , if they don 't turn in faith . . . if they do , there 's grace for them . His grace is wide . There 's grace for them . But if they don 't , they 'll be dealt with injustice . Justice . Because nobody actually wants to serve a god who 's not just . Nobody . We get all feely , like . . Nobody actually wants to serve a god who 's not just . You want a god to be just . You want God to be just . Listen to what it says in Revelation with the end of the martyrs . It says , " When he opened the fifth seal , I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain because of the word of God and the testimony they had maintained . They called out in a loud voice , " How long , Sovereign Lord , holy and true , until you judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood ? " Then each of them was given a white robe , and they were told to wait a little longer , until the full number of their fellow servants , their brothers and sisters , were killed just as they had been . " You know , it was in January of 1956 . There were five missionaries to the Auca Indians in Ecuador . An unreached people that were savage to outsiders . These five missionaries were all slaughtered . They were killed , murdered . All of them were in their late twenties , early thirties . One of them was named Jim Elliot . And his wife , Elizabeth , has written a bunch since his passing . A Godly woman . And she 's written a lot of books since his passing . And in one of her books , she started talking a bit about how Jim 's life of faith had actually affected people that heard about his death . Listen to a couple of the stories . She said , " Off the coast of Italy an American naval officer was involved in an accident at sea . As he floated along on a raft , he recalled Jim Elliot 's words ( that he had heard in a news report ) : Jim said , " When it comes time to die , make sure all you have to do is die . " He prayed that he might be saved , knowing that he had more to do than die . He wasn 't ready . God answered his prayer and he was rescued . And she tells another story . In Des Moines , Iowa , an eighteen year old boy , after hearing about all of these missionaries being slain and killed , prayed for a week in his room , then announced to his parents : " I 'm turning my life over completely to the Lord . I want to try and take the place of one of those five . " Faith speaks ! Faith speaks . Here 's a question for you . What does yours say ? Or when you start to listen , you hear a deafening silence . If your life speaks in faith , it 's because of Jesus . If it doesn 't speak in faith , it 's probably because you don 't know him . Lives that have been transformed , that faith speaks . Maybe for some of us , we need get of some of the things that are always trying to wrestle our faith away . Maybe you 've been trying to impress God with your religious activity . And even though it 's good , you can 't impress Him because there 's a superior offering , and his name is Jesus . And God is impressed with his Son , and only those who find their place of faith in him can be pleasing to the Father . Or maybe you 've been banking your whole kind of spiritual life on a story that your parents or grandparents told you about religious things that occurred in your life before you even can remember them . And you think , somehow , that that 's enough . That that 's what does it . It does not . Faith speaks . Faith speaks . Genuine faith speaks . And genuine faith is accompanied by works . It comes from faith . It 's not to earn God 's favor , it comes from faith . That we do what do because of who Christ is and what he 's done in our lives . You see , some of us only have what James calls a demonic faith . I 'm just talking now . In James chapter 2 , he says , oh you believe there 's just one God ? Good . Even the demons believe that . You think just believing . . that that 's it ? He says , I 'll show you faith , because it will be accompanied with the activity that corresponds with faith . Not to earn God 's favor , but because of the grace that God has done in our lives . Because for some of us , what we call faith can 't even get us out of bed to gather with the saints on a Sunday ! For some of us , what we call faith , it can 't even get us to testify in front of anybody else about Jesus ! For some of us , in terms of what we call faith , it doesn 't even in communicating any of that to our children ! I don 't even know if that 's called faith . I 'm not here to judge , only Jesus knows those things . But I 'm concerned . I 'm concerned that in the United States , so often we don 't have a faith that is real and authentic enough to live for Jesus in the places that we go , and the places that we work , and the places that we go to school . And we don 't have a faith strong enough to be willing to give our life if Jesus says so . Because we 're trusting him with the outcomes . Some of us have been trusting our lives to replacement offerings . And we 're worshipping a different god than Jesus . Because we 've tried the god of religion , we 've tried the god of money , and we 've tried the god of comfort , and we 've tried the god of pleasure . And all of these things , right ? Or we try the god of morality , right ? I can just be known as a good person . Good people don 't get into heaven ! Only people redeemed by the blood of Jesus ! That is it ! My heart tells me , in this room , and in our East Worship Center , those under the sound of my voice , on any campus , any place , my heart tells me that there are people that need to be saved by faith . It is through the grace of what God has done in Christ , going to a cross to die for your sins , rising from the dead to conquer them . And that when you put your faith and trust in Jesus , he transforms you . And you are now leaving a kingdom of darkness and you are entering a kingdom of light . And you are brand new . And there are birthmarks to a believer . They look different . They can be identified in the family of God . I 'm not sure that that 's the case for everybody . And my hope is that whether you 're here , or whether you 're on another campus , that you 'll respond in faith to surrender your life to Jesus . Let 's bow our heads together . If you 're here , and you 're thinking to yourself , that 's exactly what my need is . That 's exactly my need . I need to give my life to Jesus . Would you be honest , wherever you are in the room , and say that 's me ? Would you just put your hand up in the air , and say that 's me , Jerry ? I need to give my life to Jesus this day . I need to come by faith and trust my life to Jesus this day . I need to be saved . This is my need . I need to be saved . I need to enter into a relationship with God through his son Jesus . Put it up high . Let me see it . In this room , and any other room . If that 's you . There 's a bunch of you . Here 's what I want you to do . There was a bunch of you that just put your hands up . Here 's what I want you to do . If we 've got one of our pastors here in this room , and hopefully there 's a pastor in our East Worship Center . If we 've got one of our pastors , if they could stand up , are you in here . Anybody ? One of our pastors somewhere . Somewhere . Am I the only pastor ? We got one here . Dave Kennedy is here . Dave is going to stand here right in the middle . If you just raised your hand , here 's what I 'm going ask you to do . Listen . If you just raised your hand , I 'm going to ask you in just a second . I 'm going to ask you to get up from your seat , meet Pastor Dave right here in the center . And he 's going to take you into a room that 's not scary . Okay , there 's no dragons or anything weird . We 're going to go in there , and he 's going to talk to you for just a second , and we 've got some prayer partners that want to talk to you . And we want to encourage you in what it means in your journey with Jesus , to receive Christ . I 'll need every prayer partner on deck . I 'm going to ask you to do it . Don 't delay . Don 't waste your time . Don 't do any of that . I 'm gonna ask you to do it . So wherever you were , if you just put your hand up in the air , and said I need to receive Jesus , I want you to come and stand with him right now . Wherever you are . Just come on . Other folks are praying for you . They 'll move out of your way gladly . Don 't worry . They 'll move gladly . Just come on and stand with him wherever you are , don 't be ashamed . Right here . Just come stand with him . East Worship Center , same thing . I can 't see over there . I 've thrown this on them , Lord willing there 's a pastor over there , if you have that need over there , I want you to do the very same thing in the East Worship Center . Just come on up here . You need to give your life to Jesus Christ , the one who can change you . He 's the way , the truth , the life , the only way to God . We sang John 14 : 6 just a few moments ago in our worship . So I thank God for every one of you who are responding in faith . We 're gonna take a few minutes , take you outside . If you came with friends or family , they 're not going to be in there for twenty years . They 're literally right across the atrium if you need to find them . You can come over there . You 're welcome to go in there too and sit with them . There 's no weirdness or secrecy or any of that . Okay ? So I 'm going to ask Pastor Dave , go ahead and take them out . You guys go . Let them know how appreciative you are in this room , the East Worship Center as well . Awesome . We have an additional . . if you 're one of our staff , we may need your additional help . Maybe you could slide out with them as well . We would appreciate that . So Father , thank you for the ways in which you speak . I know You 've been so gracious to us . To speak your word to us . That God , that that 's really the job , is that we listen to Your word , and we respond to Your word . Because Your word carries with it Your authority and the power of Your Spirit to change our lives . And Father , I pray that on this day , we would be reminded that faith is what You call us to , because without it , we can 't please You . And that it changes everything , when we put our faith in the One who has stood in our place , who has become sin for us , so that we might be the righteousness of God . That 's because of you , Jesus , not because of us , and we readily acknowledge that . Help us to live our lives by faith . That our lives by faith would be testimony , that our very lives are worth it . That no matter what comes , it 's worth it . That You alone , Lord Jesus , will handle all the details . And that You alone , Lord Jesus , are the one who makes us righteous , and who makes us worthy , and who makes us reconciled and restored to God . Only You , because You are the superior offering . May our lives of faith speak to the world that we live in . In Jesus ' name , amen .
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After almost three years sober I have a lot of gratitude practice . In my head and in reality I get on my knees every day or I look up at the big sky and give heartfelt thanks . And I mean it : my sobriety has given my life breath , and I know enough to know that it 's polite to say thank you for the greatest gift I 've even been given . It 's cold here now , the woods are staring to get bare . The leaves have fallen and gone from vibrant to brown in a matter of weeks . Me too - I feel myself shriveling a little , shrinking in , but gaining a little weight . I 'm trying not to worry about that . I looked in the mirror this morning , my face a little swollen , my belly a little more belly - y and thought about what a great diversionary tactic that is : worry about this outside shit so I don 't have to go inside where things can get real real quick . One of my favorite things to talk about is feeding the right part of you : if all your attention goes in to the part that is always saying how ugly and awful and worthless you are then that fucker gets fat quick . But why isn 't my kind part ever hungry ? Probably because it just sits there on the couch watching TV every day , waiting to get out , waiting to get to work , expending no energy at all while I 'm out tirelessly running around with that other part that secretly hates me but won 't leave me alone . I can 't remember a time when I wasn 't always getting the runaround from my own self . In junior high school I had a pair of embroidered Gasoline jeans that were a bit too long but looked pretty great until I remembered that my butt was too big . I colored my hair red with temporary hair color mousse and shopped at all the places I was supposed to but it rarely quieted that voice . I used to dream I had the perfect outfit to wear to school and I would wake up so relieved only to remember it was just a dream and I was stuck in this reality where all my clothes were wrong , I never looked right , and no one really liked me anyway . " Yep , tomorrow is Monday . Perfect time to get back to my old routine . I 'll just do what I want today , then tomorrow I 'll start eating right again . I 'll run every day , do yoga every day . I will feel comfortable in my own skin because I won 't be swollen , or pudgy . And then I can feel OK about myself . I 'll stop drinking coffee . I won 't have dairy . Or bread . Or sugar . Then I 'll be controlling all these things and I 'll be good enough . " God . I feel so sorry for that part of me that just cannot give all that up . It 's that same part of me that thought giving up drinking was going to solve all of my problems : if I 'm sober then I 'll be OK . Another of my favorite things to talk about is facing your problems . Here they are , relentlessly chasing you and you just keep running and running . It seems like I 've kind of been looking back and throwing band aids at them instead of stopping and seeing what 's really going on . Posted by Someone said to me the other day , " I can 't wait for the holidays to be over so I can take a break from drinking . " It took me a minute to realize what they were talking about - but only a minute . I can easily remember this feeling - the exhaustion from all the " celebrating " . I can remember feeling like I wanted to drive away and go hide from everyone so I didn 't have to get drunk again because Christmas and New Years . I remember how it felt to drag myself through the joyful days of the holiday season - puffy faced , fat feeling , endless guilt and drinking , drinking , drinking . The feeling I can 't shake these days is the one that doesn 't understand how almost everyone feels like getting drunk is normal . That this is the truth : I am the oddity because I don 't drink . It 's accentuated by times of celebration . Another feeling I can 't shake : how disingenuous it seems to find celebration at the bottom of a glass and not in the space of our hearts . Why does it take some liquid courage to own up to the love we feel for one another ? I have been so remiss in my writing , I almost feel like I could never catch you up on all the things I 've been connecting one to the other in a flurry of one to the other . I have been hibernating , concentrating myself small small small like I have to . I have been lazy - caught in the suspension of this warm rainy winter - ironically frozen almost in my middle place of this thing to the next . Life getting bigger isn 't so much about big motion as it is about being willing to sit still . In the van on the way back from visiting grandparents over Christmas my husband and I were talking as we sped along I - 95 . We talked about the new year - wishes , responsibilities , possibilities . I tried to explain to him how I want to be out loud - proud of myself and my sobriety , how I want to help others who want it , but how I want to remain humble too . I have such a hard time when it comes to writing my blog now - writing people one on one gives me such pleasure , but when I sit down to write here I find myself struggling to not leave anyone out , to not be preachy or too woo woo , too . Sometimes it 's just hard to put into words what I 'm thinking in a way that makes actual sense . I am afraid . Sitting here thinking about it I know that I have been keeping things small because it 's safe . I read Elizabeth Gilbert and Julia Cameron and I take writing classes and sign up for yoga teacher training and join a writing group and then I push my feet into the sand and try to stay scared and small but my life just ain 't having it . I 've spent this month trying to think myself into keeping my life little - less work , less connection , less of everything when truthfully I am ready to give more than ever before . It 's not the more that 's cramping my style - it 's the way I keep trying to keep myself as less . It strikes me how much truth is in the telling . Mostly the stories we tell ourselves , and the ones made from the things we 're told . How telling you the truth here makes it more OK to tell myself the truth inside . How this , here , now , tells me what I need to know . Maybe it tells you something now , too . I am wondering about yoga teacher training - still a solid five weeks away . I finished my writing class and feel so inspired to write but can 't seem to get it into my schedule with any regularity . I feel so fragile , and incapable - I 'm trying to honor that instead of pushing myself . But then I 'm just in my head all the time which sucks . It reminds me of all the years I spent trying to quit drinking : I wanted to be different but I was so scared to be different . The me that I am is still a comfort , even when I 've outgrown myself . I 've been sick for three days , a sure sign that I need to do less . While I was lolling about in bed for those three days I came across an article about how people who are into controlling everything like to make lists about all the things they want to do , but then never actually get around to doing it . That is so me ! I love to map out ideal schedules , regimented times for yoga and writing and running and book work and research . Then my life gets in the way and I abandon my ideal in that hopeless way I get when I just can 't get myself on track . I have a huge problem with things being the way they " should " be . I did it when I was drinking - if I couldn 't quit on the first of the month well then , fuck it . The month was ruined . If I didn 't keep my New Year 's Resolution to quit then the whole year was ruined . Might as well drink . This carries over to my sober : if I can 't do an hour of yoga why bother ? Unless I can write for a solid two hours I might as well just fritter away my time on the internet , or wandering around the house accusing myself . What good is a fifteen minute walk ? I need to run , and for an hour . I know , of course , that all of that is ridiculous . A few minutes of yoga is grand . A few minutes of anything is better than no minutes of it . I know , I know . I 've been thinking so much these past few weeks : thinking about my spirituality ( have you read " Take This Bread " ? ) my habits , the way I wake up sort of mad and disappointed every day even though that 's not how I really feel . It 's so confusing to try to reconcile the person I feel like I am with the person I 'm in the habit of being . It 's like I 'm stuck in a rubber suit - it 's too small , I need to take it off , but I 'm held fast by my inability to surrender . It reminds me of the time I was running in the fall a few years ago . My therapist had given me a beautiful palm sized amber crystal - y rock . She told me to write down all the things I was trying to control and rubber band them to the rock . Then I had to carry it with me everywhere . So I was running , holding my rock - list of control things held tight by a big purple rubber band from the broccoli . I started crying . " What if I fall ? " I wailed . " What if I catch you ? " said a voice from inside of me . I cried harder and had to stop running . There is not much faith in the world in me . I have always felt unsafe and on the look out . It 's like I 'm on a tightrope - sometimes I 'm ok , carefully picking my way along , and sometimes I 'm flailing everywhere , but I never reach the end where I stand two feet solid on the ground . I 've developed the habit of reminding myself that I am loved , that I am safe , but years of flapping are hard to undo . Even if I 'm settled I still long for lopsided . It 's hard to feel the precariousness of my place in the world , it 's just as hard to trust my roots . Feelings are just hard all the way around sometimes . I am not so good at being caught . I am good at pushing people away . I want to help everyone , but feel so uncomfortable accepting help for myself . While I was sick I made myself have help . It sucked . It felt awful and I felt useless but my husband took care of me - a job I reserve exclusively for myself because I am not accustomed to or comfortable being cared for . It feels . . . . weird . Like I have to wait for the other shoe to drop - here 's your help , now here 's the price . But here I am , wrenching my heart open anyway . Sometimes the work we do is not so obvious - it can 't be plotted on a bullet list or mushed into a clean neat schedule . It 's just me , and my heart , and the days and years it takes to heal from all the years that came before . I have these moments now - where I feel like myself , really like myself and I know it 's working . I know the tightrope walk is coming to an end - to a place where I can carefully place my feet on solid ground . Even if it 's only for a few minutes . I imagine this is a tiny taste of what depression might be like . Things go sideways and there isn 't really an explanation - just this deep feeling of everything and nothing all at once , but then there 's also intense impatience and quickness to anger that I 'm not sure where to put . In an argument with my seven year old about getting ready for school I flipped him the bird and yelled " Fuck you ! " at him . I picked a fight with my husband about the same thing we always are trying to work out . Twice . I came home from work and sat in the car sobbing for a long time before I wanted to come inside . I can remember when I first got sober it was like a revelation when I could feel the crazy creeping up on me . I would start to feel impatient , and irrational , and weepy but I would know what it was : PMS . I never knew this before . Drinking I was always so off center because I was hungover and I felt like hell , guilty and ashamed . Sober I knew it was my wacky hormones being out of whack . Then I found an app that would keep track of it for me and it 's been lovely that as soon as I feel off kilter I peek at my app and yes - the concrete evidence is there . I am not just batshit crazy , I 'm definitely not hungover ; there 's a real reason for all these flying around feelings . Again and again it seems like I am always looking for reasons for things . Reasons why I feel this way , or that way . Reasons why my seven year old can 't manage to get ready sometimes . Reasons why I have to be so feeling when it seems so easy for some people to be so blasé about it all . Reasons why people blow themselves up in Paris , why at a football game I can 't help but feel compassion for the losing team . I really wanted to go down on the field and say " Hey y ' all , wouldn 't it be more fun to play football ? And maybe after have some coffee and cookies ? " It seems like I am always looking for explanations to make things that don 't make sense make sense . If I find the reason then I can find the solution and then I 'll be able to understand . Lately I 've been having this urge to hold everyone in my heart because I want it all to be ok . Like a giant Kumbaya on crack . Which seems like an odd thing to say on a blog about addiction , but well , maybe you know what I mean . I 've been doing a lot of heart opening . I wish I could explain how you do this in steps and then it could be easy , but I don 't really know . There 's a lot of laying on the floor , getting my body on the ground . A lot of not concentrating on outcomes , a lot of not being the same as always . I didn 't really know it was happening to me until I just now thought about that it has been happening to me , but I did know too . It has been my intention , but I didn 't really realize that it was actually working until I thought about it . Which seems to be the case for every fucking thing - I set out to do it , kind of forget I 'm doing it , but I 've put that intention out there and so the universe is hard at work answering my prayers anyway . Then things get good , but also tough and sad , and then I remember my intention and feel awesome but also pissed off because dammit ! Prayers are meant to be answered . . . ohhhhh , right . There aren 't a lot of big things weighing on me - it 's all the little things that pile up together making a big thing . Actually it 's my attachment to all these little things that make a big thing . I 'm reading about avidya ( spiritual ignorance ) and it makes so much sense - because I am afraid I become attached to these little things and I forget that I am already who I 'm supposed to be . Because I am already who I 'm supposed to be I don 't need to be afraid and attached . But I 'm so attached to my attachment to the little things ! Who am I if I 'm not my idiosyncrasies or victories ? Who is my self if I am not supported by these illusions ? Rolf Gates says , " Our pain is simply feedback from the universe : ' No , that 's not it ; no , that 's not it either . Oh yes , you are getting a little warmer , a little warmer . Ooops , you 're getting a little colder . ' " I think that 's such a cool way to think about it - the universe playing the hot / cold game with me . It makes it easier to take when I feel so sad and lost inside , or when I 'm feeding my arrogance and not my confidence . Such a simple message : change direction . Move to where you are comfortable , where it feels better . Too hot or too cold - move to where it feels good . I don 't have to all over everytime question it : Shouldn 't I push myself though ? or Whoa ! Is that too much ? These are just things I can know how to answer . The day I cried in the car after work was a big step for me . It wasn 't awesome to feel so sad , but it was awesome to let that sadness out - to feel my heart breaking and know that it was okay - I found the right spot in the hot / cold game . As soon as I yelled " Fuck you ! " at my son I had a big peace come over me and I got quiet and said " I love you . Let 's stop fighting . " It took a minute , but he did , and grabbed me around the neck and we both cried . The right spot again . I often wonder who made the rule that hearts are wrong unless they 're singing ? Again and again I find my life to be so much like seasons : after winter must come spring . And then around around again . Slowly circling around the spiral reaching closer and closer to center . Sometimes the view is the same , again . Sometimes it 's all so new I don 't know where to look . It isn 't about arriving at the center though - it 's about getting there even though you 're already there . It 's about seeing when you 've mistaken your pain for pleasure , and then healing along the way . It 's about taking a knowing look at yourself and understanding that the grace comes when you surrender and allow your prayers to be answered . Sometimes that 's the hardest thing to do , again and again . Woo wee ! Over the weekend I got the news that my " How I Got Sober " was posting today on AfterParty Magazine . Check out their site if you haven 't yet - another great resource for reading , Me Too 's , and staying sober . They sent me this awesome tank top just for doing an interview . At first I felt a little funny wearing it , but then I thought about it and my sobriety is one of the things I 'm the most proud of . Plus it 's interesting to watch people try to figure out what it means . : ) I know non - anonymous isn 't for everyone , but it works for me . I am so grateful for the opportunity to tell my story , and hopeful it helps . I 'm always available for being a pen pal so don 't feel shy or like it 's a burden . Thanks for reading ! : ) I am always so delighted when someone contacts me and says " Hey . . . would you do an interview for me ? " ( link below ) So far it 's happened four times , which I find pretty amazing considering I 'm just a regular woman going about a regular life doing regular things . Wait , that 's not really true . . . : ) One of my biggest things sobriety has given me is this urge to help other people who are struggling with alcoholism to know that the booze doesn 't have to be the end : that ending it can be the beginning . When I was drinking I never knew that there were other people out there just like me . I knew in my heart I was an alcoholic - but because I didn 't drink every day , or in the morning , or have jail time , divorce , or lost jobs I thought I was sort of ok . Drinking two bottles of wine a few times a week is not normal - duh . I want to put myself out there so other people can see that being an alcoholic looks " normal " . It 100 % looks like a married mother of two holding down a job and a life . It looks like a woman who has it together - except when she 's hammered on the back porch a few nights a week , and then desperately hungover on the days after . You can still get up and get dressed and do a day when you 're so hungover you feel like you might die : it just really sucks . But it doesn 't scarlett letter you with a definitive " A " for alcoholic like the typical image people have of us . I 'm not trying to be all grand when I say I want to help people . But I do ! I want to help all the people ! It 's like that song about buying the world a Coke to keep it company - I want to buy the world some sobriety . I sometimes feel like I could be an infomercial - Try it ! It worked for me - it can work for you too ! And then there are pictures of me wasted , and then there 's a picture of me sober , and then I ride gloriously off into the sunset the end . Being sober never ends . THANK GOD . I know that sometimes when you 're getting sober the thought of never drinking again is the most painful thing ever . For some reason for me it has always been the biggest relief - I never have to do the thing that caused me countless hours of suffering ever again ? PHEW . The ME TOO . It 's the thing that gives us all the power to grab a hand and have some help up . It 's the thing that can give me such a feeling of peace : of being understood . Veronica Valli has a great blog called Recovery Rocks . Here 's the interview I did for her HERE . I loved reading other people 's sober stories and looking around her site . I got so many ME TOO 's . I never ever in my whole life ever would have thought that I would be doing interviews about being sober - or being interviewed for anything at all , really . I never thought I would make the life I 've made . I pinch myself sometimes knowing that it 's really true . Anything is possible for anyone y ' all . Anything is possible for you . Anything is possible for me , too . It was grand . I sang and yodeled and lalala 'd all the way home . There were about ten of us in the library at the Center for Documentary Studies which was as lovely as it sounds . A room full of other writers ? ? ? Shut the fuck up . The woman teaching the class is thoughtful and funny and genuine . We did some short writing and I made myself read what I wrote because that 's why I 'm there : to put myself out there , to share my way with words . I did NOT want to read out loud even one tiny littlest bit , but my go ahead voice urged me on so I did it . It was so cool to hear other people 's words and thoughts , to think about other people feeling the necessity of writing too . I am in this constant state of wonder these days : the bigness and ease of my life stretches my imagination to no end . I 'm always writing back and forth with at least one person who is at the very beginning or not even started getting sober yet and it 's always this feeling that I want to convey - the feeling of wonder . It 's so interesting to be able to remember clearly the frustration and suckiness of living that alcoholic 's life and then mash that up to living this alcoholic 's life : the only true difference is that I don 't drink anymore . It takes so long to get to this place : I want to share that but then I want to keep it secret because I 'm afraid if anyone knows that they won 't even stay or get started . But here 's the thing - it just keeps getting better and better and better . So you start out and your victories are all big even if in retrospect they seem small . When I first got sober one of my biggest victories was all the crying . Then it was being able to show up for stuff like parent teacher conferences and work without raging hangovers . Now my biggest victories are pushing my boundaries into what I know my life was meant to be . Singing out audibly in yoga class when we chant . Reading what I wrote out loud in front of people . Every time I stretch I take my time because I know I need to , but sometimes I just push myself out of the boat . Sometimes my life is bigger than the boat anyway . The thing about it taking a long time is this : time is for the taking . I can take time to build my life , or I can take time to drink it away . It 's the same 24 hours every day . It will all pass regardless , marching on no matter if you 're blackout drunk or on your way to writing class . It 's raining so hard here today . I 'm on the lookout for a few animals to go floating by or maybe a man called Noah to knock at the door and ask if I 'm interested in either tree trimming or arks . I 've been caramelizing onions for what seems like almost an eternity , listening to Death Cab for Cutie radio on Pandora AND shaking my ass in the kitchen . It 's awesome . A song by Coldplay came on and I had this sudden flashback to when my husband and I had gone from pals to living together in a slow but fast decision that we did , in fact , like each other " that " way . We used to get off work around 11 PM and head down to the corner bar to get started getting wasted the way early twenty somethings do except we were in our early thirties . Then we 'd head home ( lord , that we drove , really ? ? ? ) to drink more and I would put on that Coldplay CD and headphones and sing at the top of my lungs . I don 't remember any of it , of course , I 've been a blacker - outer from waaaaayyy back . I would drive him nuts with my drunken off key bellowing . Can you imagine ? I was in such pain and such glory all at once . Only later did we talk about how much he hated it . But what to do ? Piss of a drunk person ? God . Who the fuck even was I ? I was thinking this morning about how I am almost three years without a drink , without a drunk , or a blackout . How when I sing at the top of my lungs I know I 'm doing it , how I 'm becoming a better dancer because yoga and also letting go y ' all . How I 'm alive and living and I know all the things I do all the time . ALL THE TIME . I was also thinking about the way that being a sober person is just part of my fabric now : that it would seem so weird to drink instead of vice versa . It seems so natural , like I was faking it that whole years of time I drank and now I 'm who I really am finally finally finally . It gives me such a burst of joy and relief that I never have to drink again , that I never have to be that me ever again . I put glittery golden hearts from fall festival prize making on my computer to remind me of how beloved I am by me - by the universe . I dance and sing in the kitchen while I make caramelized onions for half my life ( those mugs take forever ! ) . I sign up for writing classes and yoga trainings and I still yell at my children and pout when I don 't get my way . I am not the same person I used to be - I am here with faith and learning to comfort my fears . Every time life seems to be as bright as it can be I am mesmerized again by what else is possible . This is not to say there is no sorrow , there is , but I suppose it 's all the way I look at it . I had coffee with one of my sober pen pals the other day - at a coffee shop ten minutes from my house . I amaze at this : here I am , in a city , in a state , in a country . I write a blog about being sober and and out in the great wide world another person reads it and writes to me and it just so happens she works ten minutes away from that coffee shop . It 's interesting to meet people in person : to see the hope and hurting in their eyes , their bravery and shyness there all at once . It 's like meeting an old friend but you 've never met . The reason you 're meeting is because of your worst so there isn 't anything to hide . It 's pretty cool to know there isn 't a reason to sugar coat it : after all , our biggest " secret " is out . It 's even more interesting to find out that we have the same kind of father , a similar kind of personality , the same kind of drinking . There 's something so comforting about someone across a small table describing a situation and saying " I don 't really remember " and you both understanding it means you blacked out . The knowing when you talk about those nights before : telling how you used to wake up the next morning and have to take yourself through the morning - after shame check to see what damage you 'd done that you might have forgot . The me too y ' all . It 's so connective . I have spent most of my sobriety in the regular world . By that I mean I didn 't go to rehab , or AA . I had a recovery group for a while but that hasn 't been around for over a year or so . I mean that I don 't spend any time with people in recovery or talking about being sober . It was such a pleasure to hear her story in person , and to share the victories I 've gained , to connect eye to eye . To be able to give advice , and to get a different take on things . I had to write a 500 word essay for my application for yoga teacher training . I had to write about things I wanted to transform about myself with the help of the training - i . e . intention . It surprised me ( and then , of course , didn 't surprise me at all ) that the thing I most want to transform is my ability to connect with others and myself . I am so so shy about letting people in : being vulnerable is one of my hardest things - I think I 'm only really good at it with my children . With them I can let it all hang out and love them fiercely and big and not feel afraid . With pretty much everyone else I am always in protective mode - always making sure I have a defense or an out . I am hyper protective of my sweet heart - it has been hurt so many times . Drinking helped me not have to connect . It insulated me from things like feelings and relationships . It bonded me to people but I often wouldn 't remember . It helped me isolate myself into a defended safe place where the only person reliably hurting me was me . Ack , that just sucks . Sometimes I feel like such a dumbass for being so middle aged and so inspired by the magic of it all . I laugh at myself all the time : where have I been all my life ? I laugh at this too : thank god I 'm finally here - feelings ! Relationships ! Connecting ! It seems like it all ends up being a study in opposites and differences , which ends up being about balance I suppose . In a wonderfully universe - ish practical joke my choices have placed me in a class that will connect me intimately with a group of other people and myself - my hardest thing combined with my dream come true . The universe never ceases to delight and puzzle me with it 's twisted sense of humor . As soon as I announce something I can 't do it seems like an opportunity to can do appears - and I 'm learning to take it . These are the things that make miracles . Getting sober is about doing things differently . You for real decide , " oh hey , I 'm not going to drink anymore " and then that day you don 't drink anymore . On that before dinner you don 't pour a giant glass of wine over and over again until you blackout . Then the next day you decide it again : differently . You drink seltzer and breathe and push and pull while you stand in the kitchen wondering how the hell you 're going to manage making dinner without wine . A week passes and you are still differently . A month . Holy shit ! Then a whole year and sometimes you don 't even notice the differently anymore all the time because now being sober is the same . Then arrives a whole other set of things you need to do differently ! Ack ! I have feelings ? I need to figure out who I am ? What I like ? What I can do ? What I stand for ? Who stands by me ? My place in the world ? Is it not enough that I quit fucking drinking ? Can 't that be my grand gesture to the world - hurrah ! I am healed ! Ta - dow ! There 's a thing called " globbing " : when you take every option and make a big wall in your head and then no decisions get made and you get trapped in your critical mind and forget about doing the thing another way . When you glob you get sad and confused and blamed and incapable . I am excellent at globbing ! I can pull myself under real quick like in most situations with my automatic response that is usually Ugh , I am not doing this right and I want to hide even if I 'm fine . Which means that now I have to figure out how to do my thinking differently : how to talk to myself and the world in my voice and not in my fear of rejection or fear of hurt . I don 't mean speaking my truth : I mean speaking for myself . It 's about feeling secure : held and safe - even when I 'm a total asshole . Recognizing the unthinking responses and then taking a moment to decide : whether positive or negative making the decision instead of blindly flailing along the way I 've always gone just because I 've always gone it and also that 's just easier . I quit one of my jobs this week . I quit because I didn 't like what the company is doing and I was able to say " I don 't like this " and be finished . It was so empowering and such a relief : I didn 't want to stay and my life is arranged now so that I didn 't have to . It has mystified me a little about myself all week : I really did that ? ? ? I was able to do that ? I 'm not totally stuck because of money or obligation ? That was pretty different . Normally I 'm a person who sticks it out even when it sucks , or I have to stick it out because I run my life like a train wreck , but now I 'm not that kind of person anymore . It can be as small as this : sometimes when I 'm at acupuncture a needle can be uncomfortable - but I never speak up - or in yoga class we get into a position and I 'm supposed to feel great and I don 't - but I don 't move . I don 't want anyone to know I 'm doing it " wrong " . I finally spoke up at acupuncture and moved at yoga this week . No one was bothered or noticed , but I feel like a badass . I smile at myself : me ? Standing in my two feet having my own back ? Speaking for myself ? Pretty cool . The gifts sobriety brings are so dang ongoing - just when I get to a spot where I start to feel a little dum dum dum the universe offers up these opportunities for me to wow and amaze myself - and I 've started to take the invitation to get less afraid and let my life be bigger . Even when the world is crazy and the children are both misbehaving at school and I 'm hormonal and sad and it feels like the pile of things going on is bigger than all of us I can stop and think for a little minute and be . . . okay . We spend so much time concentrating on what 's " wrong " with us . I 'm not this , I 'm not that . I read a book every day called Meditations from the Mat and in it I found the idea of making it good instead of making it bad . That I can concentrate on what makes me not or what makes me me . And so when I start talking bad about myself behind my back I stop it right now . It 's getting easier with practice . All these things : not drinking , getting sober , staying sober , learning to be a person , learning to be a nice person - all have gotten so much easier with practice . It 's so small : to not belittle myself , to decide , to be kind . But the difference is so big . I do a lot of my living right in my own head . I noticed yesterday when I was out for a run that I was thinking about all sorts of other stuff besides the actual running . I 'm taking a once a week class and this week we talked about living in our bodies rather than living so much of life in our minds . One reason I drank was to escape my own mind . That thing is big and powerful and always at work . I drank to forget who I was , why I hurt , and to get some peace and quiet . If I had enough to drink I didn 't even remember that I existed and that , somehow , felt nice - even though it caused me no end of grief and regret around all the other hours I wasn 't drunk . What about my body ? What about it ? I 've pretty much avoided it my whole life : even though it counts for my whole presence I discounted it as a source of healing or grace . I abused it and hated it and existed solely in my head and forgot about my sweet body . As I head into the last bit of my third year sober I have discovered something : I like my body . I like it because I am finally thinking with it instead of just my brain . I don 't ask my brain if it wants cheesecake or another cup of tea anymore - I ask my body . My body has an intelligence all it 's own . It knows without debate what I really want . My brain can suck me into an endless internal debate that usually ends with me doing the exact opposite of what my body wants to do . Perhaps they 're like sisters who can 't help but fight and the mind big sister will win if the body doesn 't speak up . Ego and voice of reason . As much as I love the thinking my brain can do that shit can be exhausting . All the thinking I do about things and the actual feeling I don 't do about things . How to live in my body and not live in my mind . How to feel the power of hurt , of joy , and not just feel the thought of it . Pinpointing where in my body I feel something : anxious about a family gathering ? That 's in my shoulders , in my jaw . Then I can breathe into my shoulders , open my jaw . Take charge of the anxiety and feel it for what it is , not start thinking about the last family lunch that went wrong and replaying scenes and conversations but being here now . Breathing . Feeling my lungs expand . Getting quiet for a moment . When I concentrate on identifying where I feel something in my body it makes it real - and reality is something I can relate to . It 's a lot easier to think to myself " Relax your jaw " than it is to try to fix something in my head that happened a week ago . There is something so powerful about separating the body and the mind and then allowing them to work together . Boiling it down to the physical and then seeing where you are at the moment . And then thinking about your big mind ( your higher self ) and your little mind ( your ego ) and how to make them work with your body . Our bodies are such a battlefield - especially for women . We are taught that they should look this one way . That we are not beautiful . That our bodies can be hurt , that we should hide . I have struggled with the way my body looks my whole life - I have always felt " too " - too fat , too short , too plain . I willfully harmed myself steadily and purposefully for almost all my life and still - here we are : me and my body . I drank to ease my mind without giving one thought to how it felt in my body . I ate too many cookies and made excuses for just one more and forgot that my body , when unhappy , would show it . Then I 'd be mad at my body for showing the evidence of my troubled mind . I would be furious at the 16 in my jeans and forget that even with all this abuse my body still showed up every day doing the best it could given the circumstances . Heart beating . Lungs breathing . Creating the motions of waking , of mothering , of living . Despite all I could do to make it quit it just kept going . That 's the thing I guess , really : to keep going . To take a fine example from your showing up every day body . My brain will take me places , dark ones , that my body has never thought of . I can be brave enough to visit and heal the dark places because my body can step me into the light . It can tell me too much , or press on , or I need a break . If I pay attention I can feel what my life is trying to tell me rather than think it to death . It 's taken me such a long time to make friends with this flesh and bones miracle that makes me . . . me . I 'm only now just just learning to know when I need a rest , or a minute , or to be alone or together . To recognize that my shoulders are creeping up to my ears or that I 'm holding my breath . There 's a magic in these little details : consciously putting my shoulders down , the exhalation of breath . It makes it easier not to try escape mad dash with my inner - aholic when I feel physically what I 'm running from . Touching the physical event gives me my own power in the story . When I quit drinking the last time I really quit . Back at the beginning on that day onetwothree it was all I could do to keep a grip on just getting through the motions of my day . Now I can have a friend come visit and she and my husband can sip wine one day or have a beer on the porch the next and no one gets hammered and I don 't flake out because I just don 't drink alcohol and that 's just that . My truth is that I am an alcoholic . Their truth is that they are not . We all have our own truth - our own truth . Sometimes I get so bugged by how big the sobriety part of my truth is : goddammit , can it be a less part ? Do I always always always have to be so aware of being in recovery - of my self that gets nervous when beer walks in the front door ? That I have a thousand bits of shame willing to wash up on my shore at any random moment to remind me of the woman I used to be ? Or that I am still big time changing and not the same me as I was five hundred days ago and I know I 'll be different in five hundred more ? It can get so exhausting sometimes . It makes me want to lay in the middle of the bed and stare at the ceiling for a week . I will always always always be so aware of my sobriety - of my recovery - of my healing from this disease that kept me unhappy and unwell for most of my life . I will always honor the depth of strength it took for me : one woman me - to get myself sober . You don 't get sober by yourself , but you do . In all the minutes that go into a thousand days the only person around for each and every one was me . I did it - I do it . I am a little different : I find comfort in the solitude of healing myself - I don 't go to meetings or therapy or spend a lot of time discussing being sober as much as I just do . Maybe because I am still perhaps getting used to this me and not able to push myself to the middle of the class for show and tell , maybe because the right people are still coming to my life who will help prepare me to be brave enough to stand center stage . I know they are : I signed up for two classes ( a ten week yoga one and a six week writing one ) this fall , yoga teacher training in January . I 'm putting myself out there because now I 'm ready . I will probably be so flush with teachers and mentors that I 'll start having yard sales of them just to manage the overflow . Just thinking about it means I 'm readying myself : because I am sober every day my life gets bigger , and different , and more . The gratitude I feel towards myself is uncomfortable and incredible . My dear friend who came to visit got me thinking hard about the hiding that I still do . How I want to make me getting sober into just another ho hum casserole thing when it 's actually this amazing astounding miracle ! I am as embarrassed by my successes as I am my failures . Here she was , in my thousand days week , to come and firmly remind me that I must celebrate and own my accomplishment . That I can be proud and humble all at the same time . That when I diminish what I 've done I go backwards . That it is wonderful to be me since along all these days I have become the woman I longed for : capable , reliable , steady . Full of gratitude , full of grace . A foundation for the things to come . A thousand of anything can be pretty amazing . It was amazing on day one . It was amazing on day fifty , day 247 , day 400 , day 708 . 43 . And today , it 's amazing today . It 's amazing to know that 1000 days can be joined by another 1000 . That the thousands can go on and on forever . That my life , this good life , can be counted on and accounted for . I was running in the woods the other day and I fell . Hard . The kids are away for the week visiting their grandparents , all summer I 've been waiting for this part of August to get here : visiting time , next week back to school time , back to regular running time . I have been running for about ten years now . I started after my oldest was born - he was born in December and we would bundle up and go on these epic walks that just naturally evolved into runs . I would push him in his stroller and feel so tough and so proud of myself : look what I could do ! I ran desperately hungover , exhausted , rested , feeling fine , in the rain - it was my one thing I hung on to . If I could run I was OK . If I could run I wasn 't an alcoholic , or a bad wife , or a bad mother . When I got sober at the end of 2012 one thing I was really looking forward to was being able to run not hungover . Then the reality of being newly sober set in and it was all I could do some days to just get through the day much less get out for a run . Four months in I did a trail run that I shouldn 't have done but did anyway and ended up with a nasty case plantar fasciitis that took me over a year to recuperate from . I had other things I needed to concentrate on anyway - like learning to breathe and not drink and be in the world . Then when I tried to run I wasn 't very good at it anymore . I used to be able to run ten miles and now I couldn 't run one . So I gave up trying . I saw people out running and just wished I could be like them . " Oh , I wish I could be a runner again , " I would think wistfully in my head , " That used to be me . " Now , this year , 2015 , I am finally running again . I think it took me a long time to sort myself out enough to be able to give in to something again . To trust myself to not make it disappearing but a therapy : a part of my practice . To give it what it really is : a run . To not make it into something that saves me but something that soothes me . I don 't need it to be crutch , I need it to be a thing that fills my soul but also a purely physical thing that reminds me of how beautifully my body works - and it does . It does because I finally got patient enough to practice . I finally pushed my damn ego out of the way and started going out for walks . I would dress in my running gear and stick in my headphones and go out for a walk and it wasn 't long before I was running a little bit . I remember running and feeling like I was flying and looking down at my GPS watch thing thinking I was just as fast as before and seeing that I was running four minutes a mile slower than I used to . Four minutes ! So I laughed and kept going . Because , really , fuck it . It wasn 't important how fast I was going - the important part was that I was out there running - even when I was walking . Practicing . I 'm up to three miles now . I can run without stopping for three miles . I go run to the woods and I jam out to music and run fast and run slow and hug my tree and find bits for my altar . I cry and pray and laugh and dance and feel real - er than I 've felt in a long damn time . If you 'd told me at the end of summer last year that I 'd be running again this year I would have never ever believed you . I was waiting to see the neurologist . I was weak , tired all the time . Stressed . I was sober but I wasn 't paying attention to the next things . Finally after I saw the neurologist in December and a clear CAT scan showed I wasn 't suffering from a big honking brain tumor or dying I could let it go - I could not be afraid and go run . I could have more tests . I could face what was coming , or what wasn 't . I could stop being paused and start again . It 's funny , the stories we tell ourselves . How things happen at just the right time : I shake my head at how things have lined up and played out over these last couple of years . I look back at last year at this time and then this year and I 'm amazed at how much I 've grown and changed . I think about how last year I wanted and planted a garden but didn 't tend it and this year I only planted tomatoes and they 're big and all over the place and they take some time but not all the time . How last year I wanted to say things like " I 'm training for a half marathon " but wouldn 't even go out for a walk . How next fall I want to do my favorite ten mile trail run again but how this fall three miles feels like a miracle . When I told my mom that I fell running in the woods the other day she said I should think about not running in the woods anymore . That maybe it was time to just stick to safer paths . What if I fell again ? But I can 't listen to her story about me , I have to tell my own . It 's taken me a long time to be brave enough to say that . I used to feel so frustrated that I couldn 't ever reach the end - that I never seemed to be " cured " or " well " or " recovered " . That I wasn 't happy all the time , and zen . That I wasn 't doing it right since I have sad days , or mad days , or days when I just can 't be the woman I want to be despite all my best intentions . But that 's the it of it : the story just goes on and on . I am the woman I want to be in spite of my intentions . Every day is just practice : and every day is the big show - the show is the practice . So the other day I was running - welled up , full of delight - running as fast as I used to . I forgot to pay attention to the rocks , to the roots , to that voice in my head that tells me I look stupid , or that I 'm tired . I flat out forgot to be and just ran . I don 't know what I tripped over , and it doesn 't really matter . All I know is that one minute I was flying and then next I was on the ground . In ten years of running I have never ever fallen even though I spent most of my life falling down . I breathed and laughed a little and thought I might should cry but the dog looked too confused for me to make her feel worse . I wanted to be so mad : here , out on my first day of my new running schedule , I 'd fallen and fucked it up . Instead I did what life is really meant to be : practice getting up , practice dealing with what happens - whether it 's a root or a rock , a day or a year , a recovery , or a skinned knee . Four years ago I was supposed to do yoga teacher training . I was in fantastic physical shape , awful in my head shape . Six weeks before the training was supposed to start I developed an umbilical hernia and had to drop out . I was so sad about this : I 'd been waiting for us to have the money and the time for me to do it and then finally been brave enough and waited enough that I was all signed up and then blammo . No dice . Of course , now I am so grateful that it happened just the way it happened - life has this way of dropping and tying those strings so they actually make sense . That string has been out there waving around , waiting to get caught - and now it has ! My class starts in January . That made me think about all my other strings too : about how strings aren 't really in a big fat hurry most of the time . How they just wave about in the breeze , waiting . I thought about my please let me be sober string that I cast out there time and time again only to discover I 'd forgotten to put on the bait . Or I was flinging that string in the wrong direction and could only catch more drinks . Or that I had too many afraid strings out there and not a one was secure enough to grab me a handhold and a help up . All of the patience it has taken , all the waiting to see this through : all these four years I waited . I got sober in that time ! I found myself again . I learned to wait and see . It makes me know that the time things take could be the most valuable thing of all . We live in such an instant world . We are taught to zip and hurtle ourselves through life and to be impatient and frustrated when things take time . Sobriety has taught me that strings take time . That I am OK just as I am . That me being the best me I am isn 't something that should happen soon - it is already who I am today , this minute , right now . That the dreams I put out there into the world will come true . One reason I could never stay sober is because I thought if I wasn 't over it by day three it probably wasn 't working . I always thought I wasn 't doing it right and always said fuck it and tossed my string down in disgust . Two and a half years in I want to always have the mind of a beginner : fresh and open . Awkward , full of questions . Full of hope . If you aren 't drinking you are doing it right . Period . There are great and awful and in - between days and they are all you being awesome at sobriety if you aren 't drinking alcohol . Some days that 's just what it takes . Tie a string around your finger to remind yourself that you 're sober . Let that string remind you of all the dreams you have out there looking for a place to land . String together days and then years of this then when you step back and look you see a woven well lived life . Rejoice in the time it takes to get here : be grateful for the string of things . I have a few people that write to me at any given time . Sometimes none . Sometimes more than a few , maybe like four . It all follows pretty much the same pattern : a lot of email , then none . It means one of two things : either that person is sober and cruising along fine , or that they are drinking again and don 't want to write . I feel so honored when people write to me and say how strong I am . I feel proud of myself way deep down in when people say nice things like " you are so sober " and " you inspire me " . I also feel the way it feels when I see or read about someone who is really good at something I want to be really good at . But I 'm not really good at it . Maybe I really suck at it , and I think I can 't stand to try anymore at it . And so I feel a little weird about it too because I remember what I was like when I wasn 't so sober . I wanted to remind y ' all of that too . I wanted to remind you so you can see that I haven 't always been this me : for twenty years I was the me you don 't know . The drinking me . I imagine that people can relate to my hope , to my strength . To the beauty that is my sobriety . I imagine that makes it easy to forget in all my drinking years how I had sex with strangers , made a fool out of myself time and time again , drank through my boys ' babyhoods , almost totally wrecked my marriage , damaged friendships beyond repair , went through a stage where I wet the bed regularly because I was too drunk to know I had to pee . That I lied , disappeared , and hurt the people I loved the most regularly . Including me . You wouldn 't have liked me . Or you would have , but then been confused by who I was and wasn 't . And then probably given up . If I 'd seen this today me when I was all slung up out on the back porch with my cigs and bottles of wine I would have loved to have been that today me . And thought it was totally never possible . I would have longed and looked and poured myself another glass of prosecco because , well , I had already started so fuck it . And only other people can do amazing stuff like that . I just knew that I didn 't have what it took to stop scraping by . I have not always been so good at being something . I was really really bad at being sober for almost my whole life . I could fill a room full of the empty promises I made to myself , a building , an acre . For thousands of days I didn 't get it right . It looks pretty now , but damn . I was a mess . The thing I always want to come across is this : you can too . I can see the magic in you even when you can 't . I don 't know you but I recognize your magic . I know you feel it sometimes when you think about quitting drinking and imagine for real what your life might be like if you really did it . That shiver and grin that scoots up when you don 't know it 's coming to stop it . We are all just regular ol ' people . None more deserving than the other . My light shines because I finally let it . I didn 't ever think I deserved to be shiny , and I definitely didn 't believe that there was space in the magical places for a fucked up woman like me . Someone wrote to me recently and I got a sense that they thought because they drank I would be disappointed . That they were comparing themselves to me and coming up short and then not able to believe that there was room for them here too . God y ' all . There is so much room here . SO MUCH . Sobriety is such a big word . It can be so annoying , so all encompassing . So joyous , wonderful , so freeing and like a little prison all at once . It has not only become my life , but given me a life . I get pissed at sobriety sometimes : all here , in my face , all the time . So needy ! So greedy ! Sometimes I wish I could grab sobriety into a bear hug - so wonderful ! So amazing - here ! In my face ! All the time ! I am not used to or very comfortable putting myself out into the world . I tend to mumble when I speak because I am fearful of criticism . I 'm unconsciously and so consciously afraid of being laughed at . I 'm not afraid of dying , but I 'm terrified of ridicule . It was so wonderful to be drunk sometimes because I didn 't even know I was talking . I was never a slurring drunk , people told me time and again that they could never tell I 'd had too much to drink from the way I spoke , it was the way I sort of disappeared in my eyes . I was never a loud drunk - not one of those sort who starts yelling after beer four . If anything I would stop talking altogether - but that 's mostly because I drank steady alone . There 's something that happened to me when I got sober . Especially from writing this blog , and some from knowing what I 'm saying : I 've found my voice . I 'm finding my voice . As a writer it makes sense that I have a voice : I believe we all do , regardless of whether you call yourself a writer or not . I believe we all deserve to be heard , even if it 's only you doing the listening . ( This can be the most important use of your voice : talking to yourself . ) The things we tell ourselves can change our lives . I talk to myself about sobriety a lot . I think about it a lot , I write about it a lot . I think about what to call myself : how to define the person that I am . It used to be so easy : I was me , me who drank too much . Sobriety gives me so much more potential - I can be anything . I am brave enough now to call myself a writer instead of wishing I could be one . Because I write . I call myself a runner because I run . I don 't wish to do these things , I do them . So I can say that they are what I am . Even though I run really slow I am still a runner . Even though I am not on the shelves at the bookstore I am a writer . I call myself many wonderful things because I can - because I don 't just wish I act . I make the action . You can call yourself anything at all : and then you be one - even if it 's what you feel like is the worst one in the world . I struggle sometimes with the concept of sobriety : not the being sober part , but what it means . I sometimes feel like an imposter because I don 't go to AA , I don 't have a program , or a set of guidelines to follow . I have always built sobriety my way : in the ways that have worked with my life . This is the most important part . I am sober : this is the only requirement . Sobriety is an elastic stretchy suit that has plenty of room for every and any body . It isn 't a one size one way idea . It 's true that we can all be in the world in our own way . That we can all take the pieces of the parts that make us work and don 't worry so much about the rest . The spare parts will stick around in case you learn to use them another time . One of the hardest parts of longer sobriety is that you never really finish : it just keeps growing and changing and moving every every single day . Accepting this has been one of my bigger struggles : I am very good at completion . Perhaps there aren 't needs for definition : we can only find the meaning in the act . And because it changes so much we can 't be graspy and grabby , or make labels . I can use my name to tell you what to call me , but calling me sober narrows my potential somehow . And also makes me bigger than the world . I don 't know when I started to notice that people are kind of mean to each other a lot . Probably when I was a little girl and the modus operandi in my family was a sharp tongue full of insult and jab . Something like this : " Like that would ever happen . Horses are too expensive , and you wouldn 't take care of it anyway . Horse . Yeah , right . " Laughter . When I remember things like this I always feel guilty for thinking of the people I love most in the world with such unkind thinking . Were they really mean to me ? Did they really act like I was stupid ? Stupid to have big dreams ? Ridiculous to think that big things could happen for me ? Like getting a horse ? Was it a form of protection ? Don 't dream too big , you might get hurt . As hurt as both my parents were by their parents who didn 't indulge their dreams either . If you act like something is stupid then no one gets too hurt when it doesn 't come true . The other day in the woods I had this moment of forgiveness for my father . I realized what a broken heart he must have had from his own childhood . How hard it must have been for him to be open hearted and love someone like me : someone he loved fiercely and with fear because I could hurt him too . How he knew exactly what it felt like to imagine the magic and then see the reality . I am sensitive to the smart ass way people talk to me . I have a lot of people around me who aren 't able to have polite conversation , they just string together tiny insults and act like that 's communicating . Maybe that 's been me and I 'm finally growing out of it . Once when I was at my naturopath she did guided imagery with me . Afterwards she told me she could tell when I stopped holding up my protected version of me and became myself . The funny thing about that was I could tell , too . I knew exactly what she meant . I can tell all the time when I 'm my safe version of myself and when I can feel just like me . Drinking made it easy to forget that a me existed . It made it easier to put myself out into a world that I felt unsafe and crazy in . It made it easier to hate myself so when people talked to me like I was an idiot I could easily believe it was true . Years of this built a shell that isn 't so easy to slough off even though I really really want to . It isn 't really so much what you say as how you say it . It 's letting down the I 'm so stupid of it all and just being who you really are . It 's knowing that even if the whole world lined up and pointed at you and said " Yeah , right " you can still say to yourself " Yeah . RIGHT . " Our house is settling . We watched a show about sinkholes and then days later up the street appeared a spray painted note on the road : sinkhole . My youngest sons ' door jamb is separating at what to me seems like an alarming rate , or maybe it 's just more than any other door jamb separation I 've ever witnessed , which to date is only this one . I still am not 100 % convinced that we aren 't going to wake up in the middle of the night suffocating under the collapsing floorboards even though no one else seems as worried as me . My life is settling too . I was thinking about the house and it sort of mooshing itself down in the dry earth just by the pressure of its ' own weight . Getting steady . Me too , I thought . This is me too . I spent a long time resisting pushing myself into the ground not quite sure of where to stand . It 's one of those things like every damn sober thing : you just know when you 're there . I picture a bird on a wire - flying in , feet out , catching on , and then shaking out its ' wings . Then settled . Settling . Then I thought of all the settling I did with my life before I got sober . How I settled for being a shadow of the woman I am . How I settled for being a drunk . How I settled for next day hangovers , one night stands , blackouts , forgotten fights . This is my life , I thought . I can 't undo it all . I settled for it . Finished , I thought . Done deal . This picture was taken at the start of my very worst year ( 2008 - 2009 ) . I know now that I had a whopping case of post partum depression and being an alcoholic made it so much worse . I was trying so hard to settle in to being the woman it looks like I am in the picture , but in reality I was flailing all over the place . No safe place to land - wings and feet everywhere . Staying out all night . Dabbling in a little cocaine . Training for a marathon and picking up smoking again . Digging into the quicksand of my life over and over and over and over again . Somehow I found my feet around the end of the year and stopped behaving like a maniac . Still drinking , but no more all nighters , no more drugs . I settled for the shame of it and hid from the repercussions by acting like it never really happened . Even now thinking of that time gives me a vacant pit in my middle . Going back there is hard . It helps to remind myself how far I 've come from that woman to this one : two and a half years sober . It helps to feel that hurt because I am made up of all the good and bad that 's been done . It helps because I know that bad won 't be done again : I don 't drink anymore so I don 't forget who I am anymore . There is a fierce comfort in the settling my life is doing . A rightness . I am establishing myself as this woman I am today , and leaving behind the shaky ground I inhabited for so many years . Resolving the argument between who I was then and who I am now . I am settling down , settling in . Settled . I was two and a half years sober yesterday . This Brian Andreas picture hangs on the wall at 6 1 / 2 year old height outside my sons ' room . It says : With two and a half years has come more quiet , and more proud . I 'm more apt to notice how proud I am rather than henpeck tiny mistakes imagined or real . I got down on my knees in the woods yesterday by my tree and gave prayer and thanks - thanks to the woods , thanks to my spirit , thanks to myself , thanks to all of my sobriety , to my family , to my heart . I find that with all this gratitude comes humility - a sense of being huge and small all at once . A sense of belonging in the world and to the world that is still so new to me . The last six months have been especially transformative - I suspect it 's because I decided to be in charge of my life again . Not in control , in charge . There have been so many days in my life when I have not been proud of me . But now I 'm much louder about the other stuff , so it 's easier to miss that . It 's raining here today so I started messing around with the look of my blog . I 'm never very happy with it , so every so often I change it . Then I think about moving over to Wordpress . Then I think I should maybe make my own page . But I don 't know how to do that , and I have lots of posts I want to write but then I don 't and so I 'm going to start there . I have a friend who gives up drinking every several weeks or so . I don 't really know why , but my guess is that things go sideways and in that way we drinkers do he has that moment of clarity : Hey . . . things are fucked up because I drink too much . And so he quits for some days , but always goes back . He was complaining about being bored . There 's nothing to do , he says , if I 'm not drinking . I say be patient , you will think of some things . Not drinking takes practice . It takes practice , and adaptation . I feel like I am just now getting to the part where I am actually changing my life : where I am totally comfortable being sober and my foundation is really strong and I 'm much less afraid to try new things . I think about the ways I adapted when I first quit drinking : giant glasses of seltzer and grapefruit , going to bed right after dinner , up at dawn to write and do yoga because that made me feel needed and like I just had to be sober . I think about the ways I am adapting now : I 'm finally , finally comfortable taking care of myself . I am slowly but surely adapting my life to fit my idea of my life . I am only working the job I don 't like for six hours a week . I have been keeping promises to myself - this has been HUGE and all started almost three months ago with my tiny promise to floss my teeth every day . Then I got bigger and promised to write three pages a day . Then I promised myself I was going to eat right and start running again . Then I added meditating every day . Writing them out like that makes them seem so . . . . small , sort of ; maybe more like simple . But it 's working . I still don 't quite believe that all it took was to keep one small promise , but it was all it took . I run in the woods . I have three birch trees that rely on me to be there , and when I get to the last one I stop and make a circle with my water around her base . She has a strong trunk that branches out into four smaller trunks that reach into the sky and make all the branches that make up the whole tree . A trunk for everyone in my family - me , my husband , our children - united by the strong base . After I make my circle I press my head to her side , place my palms on the bark , and close my eyes . I say a prayer of gratitude . I cry every time . I don 't care if anyone sees me . I let go of the world for a minute and reach deep inside to really feel my gratitude . With these smaller promises have come moments like this : moments when I am brave enough to pray at the base of a beautiful birch tree , moments where I am brave enough to run , when I have the courage to let myself be guided by my heart and not by the what ifs of money . Because I am seeing that I can change I am changing . I am not the strongest , or the best , or the fastest . I am the one who is adapting . It 's Saturday night . I 'm sitting on the little green couch drinking a cup of chamomile tea . I have a houseful of kids . I had some cashews . I 'm wearing bright blue sweatpants and a black hoodie with little hearts all over it . I am sober . It rocks because I know that I 'll be able to get up in the morning and not want to crawl right back into bed . I can feel full of possibility tonight and tomorrow ! As soon as I digest these cashews I might go do some yoga in the office while the kiddos have a Saturday night movie . Or I might keep reading the book I 'm reading . Or stare off into space . Listen to these kids and be grateful that I 'm sober so that we can have sleepovers . I started thinking a bit back about how my thoughts are like wires . That started from thinking about myself as a house and figuring out what needed remodeling and what was worth saving - and what needed total demolition . The first thing that popped into my head was that I need rewiring . It has been so cool to think about untangling all these thought wires that are every every where , ditching all the extra , and having enough for point A to point B - just enough to make things work . I am a thinker . I have a thought , then I add several necessary or unnecessary thoughts to it : so one wire , then lots of other wires . Or , I have a thought , and then I butt into someone else 's thought and there are all sorts of wires - and mine don 't even need to be involved - well , that can get confusing but maybe you see what I mean . I make things so complicated when I make things so complicated ! So I 've been boiling things down to the simple : what is point A ? What is point B ? Like : What do I want for breakfast . . . . an egg . Done . Instead of : What do I want for breakfast . . . what do the kids want ? what did we have yesterday ? will everyone want an egg ? have I had too many eggs ? do I have time to make eggs ? do we even have any eggs ? It helped so much when I was waiting for my spinal tap results , it is helping while we wait to see if my husband gets this job he really really wants , it is helping when it 's bedtime and the boys are being boys and I just need a minute . I just stop and A to B in my head . A : I 'm waiting on test results . B : Let 's wait . Or A : I really hope my husband gets this job . B : He will or he won 't . And A : Ack ! The boys are making me nuts ! B : Take a minute and take a breath . The funny thing is I thought I wasn 't allowed to make it so simple . Like that was a cop out or something . I am also realizing this : it takes practice . Every day is practice - in a good way . I 've been washing my face , brushing , flossing , and writing in my journal every day for three months now . Every day . All small things that have made it so I can take on the challenge of morning pages and be successful . So that I can believe in myself . So that I can un - mix - up myself . Practice is slow . Really slow . But so worth it . Last night after dinner I got an email from my neurologist . Negative . It actually said this : " Normal results with no evidence of multiple sclerosis on this test . " It was what I expected , but I didn 't expect to sob like a baby . I dropped my head into my hands and cried in surprise : surprise I was crying , surprise that it was really negative , surprise that I had all that crying inside me and I didn 't know it . I 've been thinking about where to go from here . It was December 2013 when I first asked my eye doctor about my double vision - how things would just suddenly separate and sometimes go back together , sometimes not . " It 's nothing . " he told me - but six months later I was not convinced . In three trips to the ophthalmologist last summer they couldn 't figure out where the double vision was coming from , why it was happening . That , coupled with the weakness in my arms and hands , as well as the more than normal fatigue didn 't make any sense . It was July of last year when they told me I needed to see a neurologist , then I had to wait five months for an appointment . Then wait three more months for a follow up . Then another six weeks for the spinal tap . I suppose I could have cried from after dinner into today for all the waiting and wondering I 've been doing . I am so grateful for all the positive things that have come from possible scary diagnosis situations : in December 2014 when I had the MRI there were no brain tumors or bleeds , or cancer . When the EMG and blood work came back negative for Myasthenia Gravis . And now - another good news , no MS ! but it still leaves me wondering . Is it just stress ? Am I internalizing things that much ? What the fuck is wrong ? Part of me says to stop trying to define it . To just eat right , do yoga , walk , and be patient . To embrace the good that has come from this . ( The possibility of being in a wheelchair makes you really appreciate your two feet on the ground just walking . ) Another part of me wants answers . To be able to treat it , to fix it . I 'd be willing to do what it took if I only knew what it was . Neither part really gets what they want . So it 's just not time to move yet . Being sober in this situation has helped me zero in on the few simple things I need to feel most my self . It has made me even more grateful for my sobriety - that I was here to handle a tough situation and not getting drunk to avoid it . I try to not get pissed about being sober and now things are wrong - I know my sobriety gives me the grace to be a person about it rather than being a drinking mess about it . They call booze " liquid courage " but I 'd call it " liquid fear " . Drinking never made me brave enough to face my life at all , much less a long drawn out mystery like this . Being sober has given me the ability to face this eyes open instead of closed in anxiety and afraid . It has given me the courage to look straight at what 's coming and not be scared because I know I am capable , trustworthy , and loved . I can handle the truth . I am so grateful for all the support y ' all have given me . It has helped so much to read your kind and thoughtful comments , to get emails that say supportive and funny things . I 'm just going to go on , business as unusual from here : being sober , taking good care of myself , learning and practicing living this lovely life with a courageous open heart . I am filled with gratitude and humbled by the grace of it all . I 've had my spinal tap / lumbar puncture - which was , as things like that go , quite fine . The worst part , besides getting a needle stuck deep into my spine , was laying down face first on this bench - ish thing with my pants halfway down my fanny . Duke is a teaching hospital so there was a guy student in the room and that made me feel sort of weird , and kind of old ? Like , um , hey ? I don 't want this kid who isn 't really even a doctor or a nurse yet looking at my sweet vulnerable little butt . It gave my eager brain something to work on while the doctor numbed my back and got things going . There aren 't supposed to be any results until maybe the end of this week , probably next week . BUT ! Last night I got an email from my neurologist that said everything is normal so far . Therefore I am feeling cautiously super optimistic and then also grumpy frustrated : if not MS then what is going on ? What is going on ? I can 't rightly say , nor can modern medicine it seems . Which is fine , really - it is . I 've been doing a lot of yoga reading and practicing lately . Yesterday on that thin table with the half moon X - ray machine and half my fanny hanging out I remembered that I needed to breathe . So I did , and I almost disappeared . There are all these moments that are really just this one moment : this one changeable flowing uncertain moment that makes up a lifetime . There is too much going on in my life right now - some good , some hard - but what else can I do but keep going ? Last night after I got the " normal so far " email from my neurologist I let the dogs in and our big guy is limping badly again out of the blue . I got so mad at the universe ! " WTF ? " I ranted in my head . " You fucking see me waiting to see if I have MS don 't you ? And that Jonathan is looking for a job ? And that we might move in a year ? What if I have to put the dog to sleep now ? Too much ! " I remembered that I can handle all these hard things , and all the good things too , because I can surrender . I can stop wishing the truth wasn 't true and go with what 's actually real . I can wait patiently for a minute while my mind / ego starts a tantrum and then in the pause let it breathe , let it know that it will all be OK . I stopped fighting it . I gave in . Yes , I told myself . Yes . It is too much . It 's a lot . It 's OK . And then I didn 't have to handle it just right . I stopped predicting the future and stayed here . Surrender is such a gift : it 's not giving up , or giving in . It 's accepting things as they truly are and going from there . Or from here : this moment where I might have MS , or I might not . Where the dog is hurting , where the job situation is exciting and uncertain , where we might move in a year ( I know , a year ! I can be a little neurotic ) . The thing about surrender is this : when you admit you don 't know what to do that 's when you get shown the way . Surrender is a graceful way of saying " Help " . It 's a way to say " I don 't know " - I don 't know how , I don 't know what to expect , I don 't know what to do . When you stop thinking you have all the answers - that 's surrender . When I quit drinking I had to surrender big time . I had to surrender everything I thought I knew about myself and be willing to learn what was real . Now I 'm learning that surrender happens in big and little ways every day - that surrender is one of the strongest most power full words I know . What a relief - to blurb and bleat all of my inner dialogue out into the world . Like sharing a too big secret , today things don 't seem so big . They are the same , but manageable again . Something I know about myself is that I am not good at asking for help , I 'm not good at placing value on my own wealth of feelings . I tend to minimize things until they end up screeching at me . I was so angry that no one has been as scared as I have been , and in doing that I have been discounting my own self . Blasted reality . There 's the way I want to see the world , and then there 's the way things really are . I 've known for a while now that it 's much simpler to accept the things that are true rather than wallpaper and shellac over it . It 's when I forget the security of surrender that I start to feel frantic and too big for my skin . I went back to bed this morning and slept . I did some yoga . I meditated . I didn 't have coffee . I could have gotten up , poured coffee down my throat , and forced myself through another day . But I didn 't . I 'm thankful that I 'm learning how to recognize what I really need , and to ignore what I want , and then actually do the things I need . Whoa . I 'm still afraid . I 'm still thinking about all the unsure - ness about the future . It 's true that the one you feed is the one that gets stronger . So I 'm going to feed the one that keeps me grounded . And I 'm going to remember if I 'm behind a wall and I 'm on fire I have to make sure that someone , even me , can see the smoke . So , I 've been going to acupuncture for about 4 months now . It has helped my double vision . It has given me insight into what I need help with , what I need to pay attention to - my blood , my digestion . It gives me a solid hour of meditation that is usually useful . A month ago I was in a good healing place . I realized today that I 'm on a steady slow backslide . I wasn 't happy with my earlier post - but it was about things I 've been thinking about and I have been pressuring myself to get a post out there . It makes sense that it was about slowness , and about my body , but the part that feels bent is that I can feel myself sliding into old comfy behaviors not after I 'm way back into it but as they are starting . And it feels good and sucky and oh . Awful . It 's hard for me not to sugar coat everything . It 's hard for me to be honest about the way I feel because I don 't want to seem weak or even worse to burden anyone . This always puts the world on my own shoulders - me lugging all my own heavies around afraid to ask for help . Afraid everyone will think I 'm stupid . Or that I 'm a fake . Or that I 'm lying to get attention , or that there are people with actual real problems in the world and I should just be quiet , please . My acupuncturist is insightful and quietly curious . He put all my needles in and asked me a question before he dimmed the lights and started the chime - y music . " What 's different now ? " I almost started weeping right then and there - but y ' all . I just couldn 't . Instead I said the thoughtful thing instead of the feeling thing . I said I thought I wasn 't going all in - that I was backing out at the last minute like I 'm prone to do . We talked for a minute about slowly bankrupting yourself , and then about how I 'm around people who drink a lot a lot of the time . He said , " That 's difficult . " in a statement - y way that comforted me . I mentioned that I was worried now that my husband is out of school and looking for a job . He said , " That 's hard too . Not to mention kids , and life , and marriage . Tell me if you need anything . " Then he left me on my own . My dear friend Sherry wrote this amazing post that I haven 't been able to stop thinking about . It was so honest , and upfront , and truthful . It made me start to look at how I 'm really feeling , and then today I just had to face all the things I 'm afraid of and let it be hard . I am dying for a sober / recovery outlet . I have got to get myself into another group , or find a good meeting to go to . I need some more like minded people around me . I won this giant bottle of wine at work and not one person thought it was a strange thing to give it to me . Um . . . hello ? I am an alcoholic . Holding out a giant bottle of fabulous wine is not the best prize for me . I do not have enough people in my life that understand where I 'm coming from . At all . Even my husband is insensitive to what it feels like for me to not be able to drink , for what it feels like for me to serve wine and watch everyone I work with drink every night I work . People still come up to me with terrific wine and best intentions . " Taste this ? " they say . Then " OH , I forgot . Want a smell ? " Being around half drunk people at work is annoying . My husband is working at the restaurant again while he job hunts . Staying after work for a glass or two of wine and to " hang out " . It feels like because I am successfully sober he has forgotten that it is actually still a struggle , and he feels resentful when I say it bugs me when he drinks . I feel like no one notices or cares about all the sacrifices I make to stay on top of my health . I don 't drink alcohol or use any other substances to take the edge off . I handle all my shit just as me : no prescriptions illegal or otherwise . I 'm still working two jobs . I 'm still handling the bulk of the housework , caring for the dogs , and sharing care of the kids . Plus dealing with both sets of our parents when it comes to those logistics . The kids ' social lives , plans for the summer . What kind of vacation we want to take . Can we afford it . I have to quit caffeine again because as un - fucking - fair as it is I can 't have it if I want to get good sleep . Not to mention the fact that I can 't eat pretty much everything else because it aggravates my MS - ish symptoms . So no dairy , or gluten . No grains , no beans . No sugar . But then I get bratty and eat a biscuit . Or we get a fire pit and make s ' mores and I just want to be a regular mom that can eat a fucking toasted marshmallow on a graham cracker for gods sake . Or I have all these strong things come up for me at acupuncture and while I really just need a good cry and some support I instead have to pick the kids up at after school and make dinner on my own because my husband is at work and I don 't see any other support except to hold on tight and write when I get the kids to bed . My youngest has been in twice already to be scared of a knocking noise and to remind me that he finally has a loose tooth . And although I love him to pieces I just want to be left alone . I feel like there 's the part of me that needs to just cry and pout and shout and wallow and heal and then there 's the me that I am in my day to day life : holding on for one more day . Being all I can for all my people and keeping it together so no one can say I can 't handle it or see that I 'm kind of falling apart . I sometimes fantasize about having a nervous breakdown or almost hope that I do have MS or something else definable wrong with me so that people with be more tender with me , that people might recognize that even though I might make it look easy I am fighting mightily under here and then they could offer me a blanket and a break . That instead of my mother saying things like , " Oh , you 're so worn out , so stressed out . " or " Yeah , you 're handling it " with that unsaid " not so gracefully " or " I 'm not going to worry about the MS thing until it 's actually true " that she might call me and say " I know you 're worried . It 's OK . You should worry some . That could be scary . I 'm here for you . " Lying there in the dim and the chime at acupuncture I thought about how I need to take things more seriously to be taken seriously . That I want to and need to be all in . Then I came home and ate my proper dinner , and then promptly ate half of the kids ' unfinished chicken and cheese quesadillas and almost a whole bar of chocolate telling myself the whole time that I might as well since the liverwurst I had earlier had a little surprise dairy in it and so whatever , I 'll get serious again tomorrow . And then I broke off a big piece of easter bunny and ate that . I 've been doing so well for 34 days now , and today I finally broke and ate all the feelings that came up . We all struggle . And here I am : struggling . I 'm tired of doing it alone . I 'm tired of always being fine and never being weak . I 'm afraid . What if I have a disease that could put me in a wheelchair ? And why won 't any of my people feel afraid with me ? Why do they all blow it off like it 's nothing when it may well be nothing but I need someone to sympathize with my fears that it could be something ? I feel a load better just writing all that out . I 'm so grateful to have this blog , and people out there to read it , who give me kindness and support - it helped to know while I was writing this that I would be heard . That I am never alone in the world . Thank you . Hello ! My name is Amy and I am a daughter , wife , and mother . I drank for years - desperate to quit but I couldn 't . I got sober in an unconventional way : by writing to a pen pal and writing this blog . I have been sober since Dec . 7 , 2012 . I am always glad to have a new pen pal or to answer any questions . Thanks for reading . View my complete profile
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Last time , we learned that Brijanna had accused Ethan of abuse . He hasn 't , but he 's decided he 's not going to defend herself because it would hurt her reputation and because some Muslims might try to kill her if they learn that she converted to Christianity . I 'm not really sure how this would come up if he defended himself and not if he didn 't , but . . . that 's Rothdiener logic for ya . This is probably my favorite chapter in the whole book , guys . It 's awful . It 's so awful that I had to break it up into a couple sections . So the case causes a huge media buzz because Ethan 's a professor and his wife 's a former beauty queen . Ethan shows up on the first day and gets all excited because Susan is there " to lend support , " but shocker , she 's not on his side . I guess he didn 't pick up on that the other night when he called to try to talk to her and her dad said she never wanted to see him again . The confident assistant prosecuting attorney , an energetic woman named Carol Moore , had a lot riding on the highly publicized event . It was her first major case , and she would make every effort to impress her superiors with a win . At any cost to Ethan ! Cue the villain . A wave of panic suddenly engulfed Ethan . Had the judge already decided his guilt ? He swallowed hard . The drama must play out . How he wished he could open his eyes and wake up from the horrible nightmare he was facing ! He knew it wasn 't possible - this situation was far too real . Robert Cain ( Ethan 's lawyer ) then explains that Ethan won 't be taking the stand in his own defense . The judge is like , " Erm , what ? " and takes Ethan and the two lawyers aside so Ethan can explain what the heck he 's thinking . He explains that if he defended himself , the press would " destroy Janna . " . . . followed by an evil cackle , I suspect . The judge is NOT amused by this and snaps at her not to question the way the judge is running this trial . She then asks Ethan if he 's innocent . After some pushing and prodding from his lawyer , he says he is . The judge asks why Brijanna would lie . Ethan 's like , " Hadonno . " " Am I right ? Am I right ? Come on , this audience is deader than . . . something dead . You can probably tell I 'm not that good with jokes . " Ethan says he won 't reveal " all the details regarding my daughter , " but I have NO IDEA WHAT HE ' S TALKING ABOUT . What details does he think he 's hiding that won 't come out in the case as is ? The only details he 's hiding is the fact that he didn 't do it . That 's . . . an absence of detail . Does he think if he doesn 't testify nobody will find out she used to be Muslim ? Seriously , what is he referring to ? The judge asks him if Brijanna is lying , and Ethan just says he 's innocent . The judge starts getting really persistent , being all , " Why is she lying ? WHY IS SHE LYING ? " to which Ethan responds : The judge keeps pestering him to tell her about his relationship with Brijanna , " off the record , " and Ethan essentially says , " Everyone betrayed me ! I 'm fed up with this world ! " Finally he caves and tells the judge that Brijanna was adopted from Kuwait as a Muslim and has converted to Christianity , and that " the more radical Muslims " will hunt her down and kill her for that . After this news , Ethan just gives up and mutters that they should get this charade over with so he can just go to jail already . The judge tells everyone in the room that they can 't say anything about this in court . Everyone goes back in except for the judge , who calls someone named John and asks for info about Brijanna because she wants to confirm his story ( about the Muslim thing , I guess ? Although Brijanna already told people that ? I don 't know what else she could confirm ) and give him a lighter sentence . Near the front , sat a row of women she believed was from a women 's rights organization . She had seen them in similar cases . Her experience told her they may not be searching for the truth , but for their own idea of justice . The judge laments that she must keep an open mind , and the trial begins . But you 'll have to wait for next week to find out more of how it goes . Hint : It goes stupidly . The last time I looked at these , there were like four " musicals " mixes , three " soundtracks " mixes , and then some random genres . And then those songs didn 't exactly line up with what they were titled . But that was a long time ago and I 've gotten a lot of new music since then . Let 's see what we have now and what they play ! Well , that 's not a surprise . I do have a lot of musicals . The first three songs played on this mix are Michael Ball 's version of " The Music of the Night , " " Man in the Mirror " from A Man of No Importance ( which I frankly forgot I even had ) , and " Big Money " from See What I Wanna See ( which I haven 't listened to in forever ) . So , yes , this seems to be a musicals mix . 10 / 10 . I never understood why they couldn 't just combine my musicals mixes into a single mix , but whatever . This mix starts off with " Follow Where You Lead " by Idina Menzel , which is why these automatic mixes don 't always work - - Idina 's usually a musical singer , but this is from one of her pop albums . The second song is " I Dreamed a Dream " from Les Mis , which is accurate , but the third song is " Taking Chances " as performed by Glee . Which . . . I mean , I guess it 's a showtune because jukebox musicals are showtunes , but it feels out of place . This is like a 7 / 10 . Done with the musicals . I always forget I actually have a lot of adult alternative songs , but I do indeed . We start off this one with a Christmas song : " Little Town " by Over the Rhine . It 's followed by " Wastin ' Time " by Kris Allen , which I didn 't even know I had , and " Someone to Watch Over Me " by Alison Iraheta , which . . . is a jazz song sung by a rock artist , so classifying it as " adult alternative " seems a little weird . But overall that 's about right . 8 / 10 . I do have a lot of random Christian songs in here , mostly as a nostalgic thing , but this mix starts us off with " To Know You " by Nichole Nordeman . It 's a favorite of mine , but I 'd hardly call it rock . The next choice is even weirder , though , as it is " The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy , " which is . . . neither Christian nor rock . What ? The third song is " Emmanuel " by Laura Story , and I have no idea what this song is or where I got it from , but it sounds maybe a little bit rockier than the previous to , if maybe pop / rocky . This is a crazy one . 3 / 10 . . . . Guys , this mix is somehow even more off than the previous one . Our first three songs are " You Are the Music In Me " from High School Musical 2 , " Whistle While You Work " from Snow White , and " Let 's Get Together " from The Parent Trap . Sure , these are squeaky - clean songs , so Christian families could listen to them , but this is most definitely like . . . a kids ' songs mix . 1 / 10 because none of these fit . The sample list of artist seems promising , as does the first song : " The Anthem " by Good Charlotte . ( I don 't believe I have any punk that 's not pop punk . . . but then I 've discovered a bunch of songs in these mixes I didn 't think I had , so who knows . ) The next two are " I Need a Break . . . But I 'd Rather Have a Breakthrough " by The Rocket Summer and " What Went Wrong " by Blink - 182 , so , yup , we 're on track here . 10 / 10 . I do have a lot of dance pop songs , so I expect this to be good , but then I also have a fair amount of Christian rock songs , and those playlists were goofed up . Song # 1 is " Koocacho " by Kylie Minogue , which is mellow , but definitely dancey , so thumbs up . " Pearl " by Katy Perry and " Animal " by Ke $ ha are up next , so clearly this is really the " Pop Artists Beginning With K " mix . These are all weirdly mellow dance songs , but I 'll give it to them overall . 9 / 10 . And I definitely have a lot of teen pop . Let 's see if this will actually play any of it . Let 's see , we 've got Glee 's version of " Do You Hear What I Hear , " the instrumental track " The Tear Heals " from Tangled , and " I 'm Wishing / One Song " from Snow White . Um . Nope , this one is confused . 2 / 10 . I would assume this mostly exists because of my mucho Michael Jackson , but the first song is " Harbour Love " by Syreeta , which I completely forgot I owned , but I love it a lot . Not exactly sure it fits the tone I expected , though . Second song is " Rockin ' Robin " by The Jackson 5 , so that works great . And then we have . . . " Never Can Say Goodbye , " also by The Jackson 5 . So this mix appears to be " Michael Jackson + Syreeta . " ( I peeked ahead to see if it played anything else and it went with The Commodores , Stevie Wonder , and Ray Charles , so it does win . ) 10 / 10 . This genre covers a lot , so we 'll see whether it fits or not . Our first song is " Be Somebody " by Paula Cole , which I don 't know anything about , but it sounds like it would fit , so sure ! The next choices are " Lies " by Glen Hansard from Once and " Feeling the Pull " by The Swell Season , so overall I 'm feeling OK about this mix . 9 / 10 . I genuinely have no idea what that means , but the songs it plays are " London Bridge " by Fergie ( which I occasionally feel guilty about owning and enjoying ) , " Bed " by J . Holiday , and " Queen of the Night " by Whitney Houston . So . . . more modern R & B / hip hop / pop songs ? 8 / 10 ? Well , the first song on this one was " Fader " by The Temper Trap , but the opening music sounded weirdly like the StrongBadia National Anthem and I was about to be like , " BEST MIX EVER . " Unfortunately , I am less excited by The Temper Trap . I don 't particularly like indie rock , but I seem to have a lot of it in my library and I don 't really know where it came from . Song # 2 is " Single Ladies " by Pomplamoose which is quite cool but it 's more indie pop than indie rock . And song # 3 is . . . " Hail Mary " by Pomplamoose . ( Song # 4 , however , is " I Feel Fantastic " by JoCo , so that 's cool and varied . ) Aside from weirdly playing two of like . . . the four Pomplamoose songs I own in a row , it 's fine . So . . . 8 / 10 . Our first snack was " cheese straws , " which I thought could be interesting , despite a name that sounds like a disgusting fake - cheese snack kids would eat while watching TV . These had real cheddar cheese and a li ' l bit of cayenne in them . You could definitely taste the cayenne in the aftertaste , though at first I didn 't know it was in there and I thought somehow we just had abnormally spicy cheese . Anyway , these tasted like blander Cheez - Its , and then when you stopped tasting cheese , you started tasting pepper . A weird combination , especially since I don 't like Cheez - Its anyway . I think I ate two of them . Lumps wanted to be in this picture . . . anyway , day 2 was organic jelly beans . There were about 15 in the bag . The red and orange ones were OK , but the yellow ones were horrifying . . . and there were like 10 yellow ones . So after discovering that , I ate the rest of the non - yellow ones and threw the bag away . We received both honey almond butter and chocolate almond butter , and we didn 't really know what to do with them , so we ended up spreading them on KFC biscuits . The honey just tasted like gritty nothing , but the chocolate one was OK , if very sweet . Neither one of these were really spreadable ; it was like trying to spread . . . I don 't know . Congealed jelly . But I have to assume we were supposed to spread them , because the alternative would be just squirting a packet of almond butter into your mouth . That can 't be right . The buttery shortbread square didn 't necessarily have a lot wrong with it , it just didn 't taste like anything . Maybe we should have saved the almond butter and spread it on this . The chocolate almond butter , that is . Spreading flavorless honey almond butter on flavorless shortbread would probably not accomplish much . And , finally , falafel chips . While the chip texture was more appealing to me than anything we 'd had thus far , there 's still the problem that it tasted like falafel , which , as we discovered in NYC last year , Jacob and I do not like . If you like falafel , you might like these . It seems my taste buds have been destroyed by snacking on junk food for 28 years . Thing is , I 'm usually OK with healthyish snacks , but these . . . did not cut it . Maybe I 'm stuck snacking on Twinkies forever . . . Last time , Brianna " Mary Sue " Bays was renamed Janna and adopted by an American man named Ethan . However , when he brought her home to the U . S . , his wife was a crazy evil stepmother to Brianna . Janna . I 've been calling her Brijanna . Watch out , she 'll get more names later . This chapter opens very abruptly : with Ethan being arrested out of nowhere . The police won 't even tell him what he 's being arrested for . We also get typically sloppy Rothdiener writing : I 'd feel bad for those poor humiliated police officers if they had told him the charges against him so he at least knew what was going on . He doesn 't find out until he meets with his lawyer , Robert Cain , who is apparently a good friend of his . Turns out Brijanna has accused him of abusing her . Ethan gets upset about it , but then weirdly goes on a paragraph - long tangent about Brijanna 's musical talent . The lawyer lowered his voice . " Ethan , this is serious , extremely serious . I can 't emphasize that enough . This is not the time to talk about her music ! " Robert gets increasingly more agitated that Ethan just keeps saying he didn 't do it . ( Though I 'm really not sure what he expected from him . Robert seems to believe Ethan , but he seems very annoyed that Ethan can 't produce evidence of non - abuse . ) Her life ? How would that put her life in jeopardy ? I mean , yes , it 'd be a terrible situation , but the chances of her dying because of this seem pretty slim . Ethan insists that Robert prove him innocent , but refuses to defend himself publicly , which . . . makes Robert 's job pretty dang difficult . He says again that he 's going to talk to Brijanna , and Robert is all , " I just told you , you can 't , " and then we get the really bizarre reason why Ethan thinks Brijanna 's life is in danger : " I will not allow this to hit the major newspapers . She was a Muslim and became a Christian . Some may see that as rejecting her faith , which could result in a death sentence to her . I cannot , will not , put her life in jeopardy . You know that ! " Secondly , who does he think is going to kill her ? She 's not living in a Muslim country under Muslim law . Given how homogenous good chunks of the U . S . are , she may not even know any Muslims in her new home . She doesn 't even have the same name as she did then . Muslims in the U . S . have converted to Christianity before without being hunted down . I 'm pretty sure most extremist Muslims don 't spend their time searching through crime stories in American newspapers to find names of former Muslim children to target specifically . They 're not Disney looking for copyright infringement . Incidentally , though , that 's kind of a weird segue . The intro to that thought that was , " They were very much in love when they married . . . at least , he thought they were . He knew he was . " So . . . he must have been in love because he provided for them ? He 'd better have provided for them if he was going to make her stay home and not work . . . Ethan wonders if maybe his past caught up to him - - his past being that he was in love with someone before Susan . Because apparently if you 're in love with someone and then fall in love with someone else , you 're really always still in love with the first person . ( I 'm glaring at you , How I Met Your Mother . . . ) The chapter ends with Ethan crying a lot , which is kind of a downer . But the next chapter is probably my favorite in the whole book , as it shows us one of the stupidest trial scenes ever written . So you 've all got that to look forward to ! 2 . Commercial ship Nostromo receive a call from the unexplored world . After the escape , a back seat in the house only to see that the work BIOFORM join them . 8 . The second child moves into a new house , just around the city and special events . Women mysteriously pregnant , paranoia over security unborn child begins controlling her life . 15 . And a dead lies between them , the two men " mystery " is the name of the cave memory and a serial killer on the essay . They are seeking to do the surgery in a game set in a Variety of men will follow the laws and regulations . 31 . They agreed to return more room in the woods for a break of five friends . Together , they must discover the truth behind the house in the woods . If you know much about my music taste , you know I have a fondness for covers that sound nothing at all like the original version . I 'm fascinated when artists slow down goofy songs , cheer up sad ones , or just generally change it up . Why cover a song if you 're not going to put your own spin on it , after all ? Here are a few of my very favorite weird covers ! Last time , we learned about the better - than - everyone - else Brianna Bays . Her lawyer / manager friend went off to find her lost family , only to discover both her parents are dead and her mother 's Iraqi parents have a hit out on Brianna . We 're now entering a flashback about something mysterious Brianna did that was wrong and hurt somebody . She asked , but no one knew anything about her past life . There were no pictures of her as an infant , no accounts of her being held or loved . Nothing ! It was almost as if her past was erased , or she had never been born . I 'm not entirely sure how she 's aware of these things at this age and in her situation . Is there a TV showing these things in movies or shows ? If the orphanage has a TV and TV coverage , how can it not afford ropes ? You don 't even need a jump rope to jump rope . You just need a rope . Surely that can 't be that difficult to come by . I 'm assuming he has some reason to know that this is what Janna means , but I like to think he 's just a walking baby name book . Or he names every orphan he sees " Janna " because it 's the only name he knows the meaning of . ( Incidentally , Janna does indeed mean something like " God is gracious . " Yay research ! We don 't get a lot of that in these books ! ) The man , whose name is Ethan Anderson , decides to adopt BriannaWesh ' mJanna and take her home to Arizona . They talk a lot on the plane , and during the stretch from L . A . to Phoenix , he teaches her " This Old Man . " ( Apparently one of the themes of Ethan 's life is that he sings a lot . ) He smiled at the child and repeated the song , teaching her the words and motions . Before long some of the others on the plane sang along . By the time they landed in Phoenix , she and many of the passengers knew the words and actions by heart . She was a college student , a business major , when she first met Ethan . After graduating , she landed a lucrative career at a large cosmetic firm . Advertising was her specialty . Her glowing face was often seen on commercials , billboards , or in beauty magazines . Business majors working in advertising don 't frequently end up in the spotlight - - that 's more typically done by , you know , models or actors - - but the book does make a point of telling us a lot about how beautiful she is . She won some beauty pageant once . I just like imagining her at work : " I have an idea for a new campaign . And it will feature . . . ME ! Again . Of course . " On the ride home , Susan gets all kinds of snarky about the birthmark , saying that kids are going to make fun of her because they make fun of kids with disabilities and that she 's going to make it tough for Susan and Ethan 's other kids to follow her in school because of it . Dang . Ethan snarks back at her , since she 's the most ridiculously shallow person on earth , and everything is awkward . With certainty , Ethan replied , " Susan , nothing is more important than raising our children . " " Oh , I see , a woman 's place is in the home ! " Her words stung . Without backing down , Ethan glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes . " At this point in our lives , yes , it is . " With that , the conversation was over . Susan knew she had gone too far . 1 ) She had " gone too far " ? By daring to insinuate she wanted to go back to work ? Well , that 's a line you just do not ever cross in this family , I guess . . . Also , it 's worth mentioning that this is one of those situations where I really have a problem with defaulting to the " man works , women takes care of the kids " scenario . Susan clearly likes her job more than he does ( and almost certainly makes more money ) and he clearly likes taking care of the kids more than she does . The scenario they have going right now will make everyone in the house miserable , and it 's the kids who are going to suffer the most . Many times Janna would ask , " Daddy , can we go see the ocean ? " They would pack their bags and head to Ethan 's parent 's beach home near Corpus Christi , Texas . It was the favorite place for Janna and Eric . When Brijanna turns 10 , things take an even darker turn . She gets all rebellious and difficult and starts lying to Susan all the time . But Susan 's not exactly easy to live with either . One day she smashes Brijanna 's guitar because she was tired of hearing Brijanna play . Gah . This writing . It 's a good thing this is the end of the chapter , because I am pretty sure I couldn 't read much more of this . Can YOU identify all the horror movie plot summaries that have been translated to death ? It 's a mix of old and new , and even a few I haven 't seen but know what they 're about . Some of these remained pretty obvious , while others are . . . not so easy . Leave your answers in the comments ! 2 . Commercial ship Nostromo receive a call from the unexplored world . After the escape , a back seat in the house only to see that the work BIOFORM join them . 8 . The second child moves into a new house , just around the city and special events . Women mysteriously pregnant , paranoia over security unborn child begins controlling her life . 15 . And a dead lies between them , the two men " mystery " is the name of the cave memory and a serial killer on the essay . They are seeking to do the surgery in a game set in a Variety of men will follow the laws and regulations . 31 . They agreed to return more room in the woods for a break of five friends . Together , they must discover the truth behind the house in the woods . A couple years ago , I had a Facebook conversation with someone about TV shows we liked , and we ended up talking about how I have a real fondness for snarky , cynical movies and shows . This led to a discussion about cynicism vs . sentimentality in entertainment , and whether one is better than the other . I have a definite distaste for the sentimental ( with a few exceptions ) because it often feel disingenuous or manipulative , but the other person argued that cynicism is perhaps just as manipulative and disingenuous , just on the other side . When a movie or a TV show deliberately sets itself up to be meaningful or sentimental - - or even sincere - - then I become consciously aware of its every move in trying to manipulate me to a specific emotional end . The characters don 't seem real enough for me to truly get invested in them , because I see them only as tools for the melodrama . It 's why I often don 't respond well to films that bill themselves as " inspirational . " There are no surprises . Each character simply acts in the most inspirational way , and that , to me , seems insincere . There 's lots of physical comedy involved with the actors playing each other 's characters , along with jokes about body switch movie tropes , and there 's plenty of snarky commentary as the study group get annoyed that they won 't let go of their insistence on the body switch . But there 's a lot more to it than their self - aware snarking . Toward the end of the episode , we discover that Troy has been wanting to break up with Britta but got scared to do it , so the body switch is a way for Troy to break up without having to actually be there . Ultimately , Troy is convinced that he has to break up with her for himself , so he goes to the restaurant where Abed and Britta are having their date , stages their bodies switching back , and does what he needs to do . Community 's humor is not the type you 'd immediately associate with highly emotional moments , but the scene where Troy talks about his fear of breaking up with Britta was very moving for me . In an unconventional and unexpected way , it communicated something very relatable : a fear of making tough decisions and hurting someone in the process . I absolutely connected with his desperate desire to do something , anything , so that he didn 't have to be the one to be there for it . Daria is another show that does the same thing for me . It may be even more cynical than Community , as there seems to be absolutely no chance that anyone in this show is going to change for the better any time soon . And yet , there are wonderfully touching moments . Moments where shallow sister Quinn reveals that she is aware - - and not entirely proud of - - her shallowness . Yes , she 's back to the same thing the next day , but there 's a sense in which we see her through a different lens . In other episodes , Daria even wonders herself if she 's becoming too cynical , and while she might not change her behavior in the episodes after that , we know that she 's thinking about it , and there 's a thought that maybe things might change after all - - even if it happens long after the show ends . It uses its dark humor to convey some messages that meant a lot to me . Oddly enough , this dark and cynical show is one that encourages me to monitor my own cynicism , because sometimes what seems like a great way of responding to frustrating situations can actually keep me from enjoying positive ones . Not every cynical comedy has moments of sincerity . For example , much as I enjoy Seinfeld or Arrested Development , I 'll happily admit there 's no sincerity and very little emotional connection there . But many of the ones I love the most draw on this . Part of the joy of this is that these emotional moments come out of the characters . The characters don 't come out of the emotions . These characters are there to make us laugh , but they 've become real people along the way , and that means that sometimes , the comedy reveals something deeper about them , and the veneer of cynicism is lifted for just a second so we can see and love and hurt for these people . And I do . I think part of the reason this is so powerful for me is because my life is a lot like that . I don 't live my life from meaningful experience to meaningful experience . I don 't deal with a new major life crisis every week that will turn me into an exponentially better person if I can only defeat the odds and overcome it . Change happens slowly for me , in the midst of the silly and mundane . Like Daria and Jeff from Community , I can lose sight of that change and see the world only through a cynical lens , but , just like them , I find moments where , amid the laughter and the frustration and the goofy late - night conversations , meaning suddenly crowds its way through , and I remember what is important and what I want to be and what I want to be working towards . Well , that 's my take . What do you guys think ? Does this happen to you too , or do you prefer stories that are more consistently inspirational ? The scene opens on a concert , with our protagonist , Brianna Bays , who is described on just page one as " stunning , " " angelic , " " flawless , " " captivating , " " entrancing , " so much so that " her beauty mesmerized the crowd . " But don 't worry , she 's not just beautiful . She is also known for her " sweet disposition , " " compassionate behavior , " and , most of all , her musical talent and her incredible singing voice , most notably : As you will soon learn , there is absolutely nothing Brianna doesn 't do better than everyone else . And I mean nothing . Just on this page , we learn she is the most beautiful , the kindest , the most talented singer , and the most talented actress . I 'm really not sure how the author thought we were going to be able to relate to her , because I don 't know about you , but I 'm certainly not the best at everything . We go on to learn that Brianna is 23 , but she 's paid the price for her success : she acts more mature than her friends . The concert is described some more , as is her latest " mega CD , " which in my mind is a CD the size of a record , and then she says goodbye to her fans by bowing them and waving with her index finger pointing up , which apparently symbolizes her Christian faith . She 's a new Christian , btw - - just got saved 7 months ago or so . Confirmed , Sonya the lawyer / manager is just wandering around Iraq on her own , so that 's fun . She then discovers that Mira 's family has ties to Hussein and terrorist attacks , so she 's like , " Well , that sounds fun ! Time to investigate some more ! " She reveals that Mira spent some time teaching in Paris nine months before Brianna was born , yadda yadda , lawyer sleuthing , it turns out she secretly got married , only to be abducted by her family , who then found out she was 1 ) married , 2 ) pregnant , and 3 ) a Christian . They were going to kill her but she somehow ran away and had a baby in a hospital in Baghdad . Then her family found her and killed her , but Brianna survived because they killed the wrong baby instead . Determined , Brianna pressed on . " That gives me even more of a reason to meet them . Besides they are my mother 's parents - my grandparents . I need to ask them a few questions . " . . . Yeah , I don 't think they 're going to be inclined to answer questions about what her mom was like growing up . Not if they 're offering money to anyone who will kill her . I 'd say that 's one of Brianna 's flaws , that she 's stupid , but everyone in this book is stupid , so she might still be smarter than most of the people in this story . They discuss their next order of business rather secretively , as Sonya was sent to find some other unknown man , who was in prison for six years , then got out , moved to a trailer park , and works at a truck stop . As Brianna hears this , she starts singing one of her songs . While we are told later that her song are unique and special and amazing and everyone who hears them is astonished , I 'm not entirely impressed with the sample we see here : Does it not matter who gets hurt ? As long as you don 't get burnt . A little girl of innocence , In a world that 's promiscuous . It 's a story as old as the hills . Brianna stops singing to vow that she 's going to do what 's right , even if it costs her her reputation . Sonya tells her that if she does this , she 'll lose her career , and all the good stuff she 's done in the last six years won 't count anymore . Brianna laments a bit more that she put the mysterious man in jail by lying , and then we get a flashback . The flashback lasts almost the rest of the story , so get comfortable . We 're about to meet Young Brianna . She 's still less annoying than Skye ever was , but meeting children written by Rothdiener isn 't ever fun , so . . . we 'll dive into that next week . Last night , Jacob was scrolling through his music player and came across " Leggy Blonde " by Flight of the Conchords . All I could think was that it was " Legally Blonde " with a missing syllable . And then I started thinking of other movies that would have very different plus if you phonetically removed a syllable from the title . My list included The Return of the Jed , A Series of Fortunate Events , and Lent Hill . What would you add ? You can even make up a silly plot synopsis for your new movie titles if you want . The Truman Show ( 1998 ) . This was actually the first one that came to mind , as well as one that my sister Bethany chose for one of her picks . A lot of movies speak about the importance of truth as opposed to comfortable lies , but this is my favorite . For any who don 't know the basic story , Truman ( played by Jim Carrey ) is the unwitting star of a reality TV show focused around his life . He 's grown up in a fake TV world , with actors playing his parents , his friends , and his wife . Eventually , inevitably , he discovers the truth , and he must make the decision whether to return to the safe , protected life he 's always known - - even though none of it 's real - - or venture out into the real world with no idea what might find there . It 's a beautiful , powerful movie to me that constantly reminds me that facing the truth , no matter how scary it is , is always going to be better than living a lie . Memento ( 2000 ) . This is a much darker pick , though it 's still one of my all - time favorite movies . The basic plot of Memento is about Leonard , a man with short - term memory loss . The last thing he remembers is someone attacking him and his wife , and now he 's out to find the man who killed his wife and caused Leonard 's memory loss . The story is told with a gimmick that works very well - - we see the story play out in 15 - minute scenes that move backwards , so that , like the main character , every time a scene begins , we have no idea how we got there or what 's happening , and we 're trying to figure out the truth as much as he is . The rest of my explanation involves definite spoilers for the movie 's central mystery , so if you haven 't seen it yet , skip the next paragraph and move on to choice # 3 . * * * Spoilers * * * At the end of the movie ( and the beginning of the story ) the main character discovers that the person he thought killed his wife , didn 't . There are a couple different interpretations of the end reveal , either that he found and killed the murderer some time ago , or that his wife survived the attack only to be accidentally killed by Leonard himself later . ( I hold to the second theory . ) Either way , he cannot accept this answer and makes the deliberate decision to wait 15 minutes and forget this answer . He even sets himself up on purpose to make his later self hunt down the man who revealed the truth to him . This raises fascinating questions about what happens when we deliberately reject the truth . While Truman chooses truth over comfortable falsehood , Leonard chooses to run from the truth about his own guilt , and as a result , he may find himself living the same haunted cycle over and over and over again , unable to ever be free . * * * End Spoilers * * * Company ( 2007 ) . This might be cheating because although there are two movies of this musical , they 're both filmed versions of stage performances . . . but its message is one that resonates very deeply with me . ( I 've written about it elsewhere on my blog . ) It tells the story of Bobby , an outgoing , charming guy who is the only single person among his group of married friends . Through a series of interactions with his friends , it 's revealed that while a part of Bobby does want to settle down someday , he 's worried about how much a serious relationship would disrupt his life . In the first act , his song " Marry Me a Little " showcases his dream relationship : one where " we won 't have to give up a thing , we 'll stay who we are . " But his short flings keep leaving him unsatisfied , and in the end he realizes that if his relationships are going to be as deeply fulfilling as he wants them to be , he 's going to have to open himself to the possibility that he could get hurt and that life could be difficult . His final song , " Being Alive , " is him acknowledging that he 'd rather be deeply connected to someone else than feel " safe " alone : " Somebody , sit in my chair and ruin my sleep and make me aware of being alive . " This truth about vulnerability in relationships is hardly a new one - - plenty of other movies have done it as well - - but this is the movie that made it hit home for me the most . Cheaper by the Dozen ( 1950 ) and Jesus People ( 2009 ) . These are two kind of odd choices , but I wanted to find something that I could confirm was an accurate depiction of a specific experience , and these two immediately came to mind . The original Cheaper by the Dozen was a movie my family watched a lot growing up because it was a great portrayal of a large family . I was the oldest of eight and I 've still never found a movie that better captures the experience I had growing up . While my family had some significant differences from the one in the movie , both were equally drama - and - chaos - free . Sure , there 's a lot going on when you have that many people in a home , but compare that movie to , say , the 2003 remake , which is just full of hijinks , screaming , and everything going wrong , and the original is a much more accurate depiction of my family - - and most of the other large families I knew growing up . I just watched Jesus People for the first time a month or so ago , and I was struck by its pitch - perfect parody of a very specific experience : working on something artistic within a very Christian environment . Though this movie focuses on music , which I 've done less with , I 've done lots of Christian / theater combinations - - in a church , in a traveling drama ministry , and in a Christian college , and this movie is fantastic at showcasing the weird things that sometimes happen with the tension between artistic integrity and a desire to send a message . ( I laughed out loud during one scene where the band suggests their first song should take a popular secular song and rewrite it with a Christian message . All the results are terrible but it 's absolutely the kind of thing that can and does happen all the time . ) That 's my list ! I asked my readers to share their thoughts as well , and got some great responses . These were some of the suggestions I received : As far as a movie that brings to light things that are hidden , the movie that popped into my mind first was Frozen . There are so many issues in this movie that start one way and end up somewhere else entirely because reality is introduced . In a fairy tale , a prince and princess meet , fall in love and love happily ever after , Frozen imparts a more realistic approach . In a fairy tale , the one with the magical powers that could potentially be used to hurt others is the clear bad guy , in Frozen , she 's a hurting , damaged teenager / young adult craving to be loved and understood . - - Sarah Remains of the Day : Lots of people make movies ( and speeches ) about the need to take a risk , and not let life slip away from them , but most of them make no impact on me because I am not sure they know what they are talking about . This movie , though , which is about two very proper English servants who fall in love but never get together because of their emotional reserve , really stuck with me . I saw , in a way I 'd never realized before , how one 's caution about relationships can simultaneously be generous to others and imprisoning for oneself . It showed very precisely how that can happen . What was true about [ this movie ] ? Not the facts , and not the moral . . . but rather the experience . . . an experience which not only tells the truth but makes it possible for it to be seen . - - Kevin ( read more on his blog post ) And 12 Angry Men , while you don 't know at the end whether the boy did it or not , is about digging into things that nobody thought of and to reveal holes . You don 't necessarily find any TRUTH in that one , but instead discover that some things that seemed to be obvious weren 't as black and white as they seemed . - - Bethany That is one translation anyway . While " true " remained pretty much the same throughout all the translations , this one varies a lot . Looking up the original Greek word , I found this : This gets translated as all kinds of things . A quick glance at Bible Gateway translations gives me answers like honorable , honest , worthy of reverence , seemly , holy , noble , worthy of respect , respected , chaste , and grave . The most common by far , however , are " honorable " and " noble . " The next blog will go up on November 3 , so you once again have about a month . I 'll post a reminder every so often . Thanks for everyone who contributed this month , and I hope I 'll get some more great answers for November ! It 's been sometime since I read Quest for Forgiveness , and there are good chunks of it I can 't remember . I do know that I found it much less obnoxious than Skye but just as silly . The main character is just as much a Mary Sue as Skye , but I hate her less , so that 's a plus . Every gripping page will intrigue you as you read of a world - famous singer and her startling conversion to Christ . You will witness her at the Motion Picture Awards . You will fly with her to her island paradise and vacation on her private island . As you read these pages you will sit in a courtroom and witness an innocent man convicted for a crime he did not commit . I love movies . I watch a lot of them . My favorite genre is musical , my least is western . My favorite directors include Woody Allen , Billy Wilder , Baz Luhrmann , and Christopher Nolan .
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Last time , we learned that Brijanna had accused Ethan of abuse . He hasn 't , but he 's decided he 's not going to defend herself because it would hurt her reputation and because some Muslims might try to kill her if they learn that she converted to Christianity . I 'm not really sure how this would come up if he defended himself and not if he didn 't , but . . . that 's Rothdiener logic for ya . This is probably my favorite chapter in the whole book , guys . It 's awful . It 's so awful that I had to break it up into a couple sections . So the case causes a huge media buzz because Ethan 's a professor and his wife 's a former beauty queen . Ethan shows up on the first day and gets all excited because Susan is there " to lend support , " but shocker , she 's not on his side . I guess he didn 't pick up on that the other night when he called to try to talk to her and her dad said she never wanted to see him again . The confident assistant prosecuting attorney , an energetic woman named Carol Moore , had a lot riding on the highly publicized event . It was her first major case , and she would make every effort to impress her superiors with a win . At any cost to Ethan ! Cue the villain . A wave of panic suddenly engulfed Ethan . Had the judge already decided his guilt ? He swallowed hard . The drama must play out . How he wished he could open his eyes and wake up from the horrible nightmare he was facing ! He knew it wasn 't possible - this situation was far too real . Robert Cain ( Ethan 's lawyer ) then explains that Ethan won 't be taking the stand in his own defense . The judge is like , " Erm , what ? " and takes Ethan and the two lawyers aside so Ethan can explain what the heck he 's thinking . He explains that if he defended himself , the press would " destroy Janna . " . . . followed by an evil cackle , I suspect . The judge is NOT amused by this and snaps at her not to question the way the judge is running this trial . She then asks Ethan if he 's innocent . After some pushing and prodding from his lawyer , he says he is . The judge asks why Brijanna would lie . Ethan 's like , " Hadonno . " " Am I right ? Am I right ? Come on , this audience is deader than . . . something dead . You can probably tell I 'm not that good with jokes . " Ethan says he won 't reveal " all the details regarding my daughter , " but I have NO IDEA WHAT HE ' S TALKING ABOUT . What details does he think he 's hiding that won 't come out in the case as is ? The only details he 's hiding is the fact that he didn 't do it . That 's . . . an absence of detail . Does he think if he doesn 't testify nobody will find out she used to be Muslim ? Seriously , what is he referring to ? The judge asks him if Brijanna is lying , and Ethan just says he 's innocent . The judge starts getting really persistent , being all , " Why is she lying ? WHY IS SHE LYING ? " to which Ethan responds : The judge keeps pestering him to tell her about his relationship with Brijanna , " off the record , " and Ethan essentially says , " Everyone betrayed me ! I 'm fed up with this world ! " Finally he caves and tells the judge that Brijanna was adopted from Kuwait as a Muslim and has converted to Christianity , and that " the more radical Muslims " will hunt her down and kill her for that . After this news , Ethan just gives up and mutters that they should get this charade over with so he can just go to jail already . The judge tells everyone in the room that they can 't say anything about this in court . Everyone goes back in except for the judge , who calls someone named John and asks for info about Brijanna because she wants to confirm his story ( about the Muslim thing , I guess ? Although Brijanna already told people that ? I don 't know what else she could confirm ) and give him a lighter sentence . Near the front , sat a row of women she believed was from a women 's rights organization . She had seen them in similar cases . Her experience told her they may not be searching for the truth , but for their own idea of justice . The judge laments that she must keep an open mind , and the trial begins . But you 'll have to wait for next week to find out more of how it goes . Hint : It goes stupidly . The last time I looked at these , there were like four " musicals " mixes , three " soundtracks " mixes , and then some random genres . And then those songs didn 't exactly line up with what they were titled . But that was a long time ago and I 've gotten a lot of new music since then . Let 's see what we have now and what they play ! Well , that 's not a surprise . I do have a lot of musicals . The first three songs played on this mix are Michael Ball 's version of " The Music of the Night , " " Man in the Mirror " from A Man of No Importance ( which I frankly forgot I even had ) , and " Big Money " from See What I Wanna See ( which I haven 't listened to in forever ) . So , yes , this seems to be a musicals mix . 10 / 10 . I never understood why they couldn 't just combine my musicals mixes into a single mix , but whatever . This mix starts off with " Follow Where You Lead " by Idina Menzel , which is why these automatic mixes don 't always work - - Idina 's usually a musical singer , but this is from one of her pop albums . The second song is " I Dreamed a Dream " from Les Mis , which is accurate , but the third song is " Taking Chances " as performed by Glee . Which . . . I mean , I guess it 's a showtune because jukebox musicals are showtunes , but it feels out of place . This is like a 7 / 10 . Done with the musicals . I always forget I actually have a lot of adult alternative songs , but I do indeed . We start off this one with a Christmas song : " Little Town " by Over the Rhine . It 's followed by " Wastin ' Time " by Kris Allen , which I didn 't even know I had , and " Someone to Watch Over Me " by Alison Iraheta , which . . . is a jazz song sung by a rock artist , so classifying it as " adult alternative " seems a little weird . But overall that 's about right . 8 / 10 . I do have a lot of random Christian songs in here , mostly as a nostalgic thing , but this mix starts us off with " To Know You " by Nichole Nordeman . It 's a favorite of mine , but I 'd hardly call it rock . The next choice is even weirder , though , as it is " The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy , " which is . . . neither Christian nor rock . What ? The third song is " Emmanuel " by Laura Story , and I have no idea what this song is or where I got it from , but it sounds maybe a little bit rockier than the previous to , if maybe pop / rocky . This is a crazy one . 3 / 10 . . . . Guys , this mix is somehow even more off than the previous one . Our first three songs are " You Are the Music In Me " from High School Musical 2 , " Whistle While You Work " from Snow White , and " Let 's Get Together " from The Parent Trap . Sure , these are squeaky - clean songs , so Christian families could listen to them , but this is most definitely like . . . a kids ' songs mix . 1 / 10 because none of these fit . The sample list of artist seems promising , as does the first song : " The Anthem " by Good Charlotte . ( I don 't believe I have any punk that 's not pop punk . . . but then I 've discovered a bunch of songs in these mixes I didn 't think I had , so who knows . ) The next two are " I Need a Break . . . But I 'd Rather Have a Breakthrough " by The Rocket Summer and " What Went Wrong " by Blink - 182 , so , yup , we 're on track here . 10 / 10 . I do have a lot of dance pop songs , so I expect this to be good , but then I also have a fair amount of Christian rock songs , and those playlists were goofed up . Song # 1 is " Koocacho " by Kylie Minogue , which is mellow , but definitely dancey , so thumbs up . " Pearl " by Katy Perry and " Animal " by Ke $ ha are up next , so clearly this is really the " Pop Artists Beginning With K " mix . These are all weirdly mellow dance songs , but I 'll give it to them overall . 9 / 10 . And I definitely have a lot of teen pop . Let 's see if this will actually play any of it . Let 's see , we 've got Glee 's version of " Do You Hear What I Hear , " the instrumental track " The Tear Heals " from Tangled , and " I 'm Wishing / One Song " from Snow White . Um . Nope , this one is confused . 2 / 10 . I would assume this mostly exists because of my mucho Michael Jackson , but the first song is " Harbour Love " by Syreeta , which I completely forgot I owned , but I love it a lot . Not exactly sure it fits the tone I expected , though . Second song is " Rockin ' Robin " by The Jackson 5 , so that works great . And then we have . . . " Never Can Say Goodbye , " also by The Jackson 5 . So this mix appears to be " Michael Jackson + Syreeta . " ( I peeked ahead to see if it played anything else and it went with The Commodores , Stevie Wonder , and Ray Charles , so it does win . ) 10 / 10 . This genre covers a lot , so we 'll see whether it fits or not . Our first song is " Be Somebody " by Paula Cole , which I don 't know anything about , but it sounds like it would fit , so sure ! The next choices are " Lies " by Glen Hansard from Once and " Feeling the Pull " by The Swell Season , so overall I 'm feeling OK about this mix . 9 / 10 . I genuinely have no idea what that means , but the songs it plays are " London Bridge " by Fergie ( which I occasionally feel guilty about owning and enjoying ) , " Bed " by J . Holiday , and " Queen of the Night " by Whitney Houston . So . . . more modern R & B / hip hop / pop songs ? 8 / 10 ? Well , the first song on this one was " Fader " by The Temper Trap , but the opening music sounded weirdly like the StrongBadia National Anthem and I was about to be like , " BEST MIX EVER . " Unfortunately , I am less excited by The Temper Trap . I don 't particularly like indie rock , but I seem to have a lot of it in my library and I don 't really know where it came from . Song # 2 is " Single Ladies " by Pomplamoose which is quite cool but it 's more indie pop than indie rock . And song # 3 is . . . " Hail Mary " by Pomplamoose . ( Song # 4 , however , is " I Feel Fantastic " by JoCo , so that 's cool and varied . ) Aside from weirdly playing two of like . . . the four Pomplamoose songs I own in a row , it 's fine . So . . . 8 / 10 . Our first snack was " cheese straws , " which I thought could be interesting , despite a name that sounds like a disgusting fake - cheese snack kids would eat while watching TV . These had real cheddar cheese and a li ' l bit of cayenne in them . You could definitely taste the cayenne in the aftertaste , though at first I didn 't know it was in there and I thought somehow we just had abnormally spicy cheese . Anyway , these tasted like blander Cheez - Its , and then when you stopped tasting cheese , you started tasting pepper . A weird combination , especially since I don 't like Cheez - Its anyway . I think I ate two of them . Lumps wanted to be in this picture . . . anyway , day 2 was organic jelly beans . There were about 15 in the bag . The red and orange ones were OK , but the yellow ones were horrifying . . . and there were like 10 yellow ones . So after discovering that , I ate the rest of the non - yellow ones and threw the bag away . We received both honey almond butter and chocolate almond butter , and we didn 't really know what to do with them , so we ended up spreading them on KFC biscuits . The honey just tasted like gritty nothing , but the chocolate one was OK , if very sweet . Neither one of these were really spreadable ; it was like trying to spread . . . I don 't know . Congealed jelly . But I have to assume we were supposed to spread them , because the alternative would be just squirting a packet of almond butter into your mouth . That can 't be right . The buttery shortbread square didn 't necessarily have a lot wrong with it , it just didn 't taste like anything . Maybe we should have saved the almond butter and spread it on this . The chocolate almond butter , that is . Spreading flavorless honey almond butter on flavorless shortbread would probably not accomplish much . And , finally , falafel chips . While the chip texture was more appealing to me than anything we 'd had thus far , there 's still the problem that it tasted like falafel , which , as we discovered in NYC last year , Jacob and I do not like . If you like falafel , you might like these . It seems my taste buds have been destroyed by snacking on junk food for 28 years . Thing is , I 'm usually OK with healthyish snacks , but these . . . did not cut it . Maybe I 'm stuck snacking on Twinkies forever . . . Last time , Brianna " Mary Sue " Bays was renamed Janna and adopted by an American man named Ethan . However , when he brought her home to the U . S . , his wife was a crazy evil stepmother to Brianna . Janna . I 've been calling her Brijanna . Watch out , she 'll get more names later . This chapter opens very abruptly : with Ethan being arrested out of nowhere . The police won 't even tell him what he 's being arrested for . We also get typically sloppy Rothdiener writing : I 'd feel bad for those poor humiliated police officers if they had told him the charges against him so he at least knew what was going on . He doesn 't find out until he meets with his lawyer , Robert Cain , who is apparently a good friend of his . Turns out Brijanna has accused him of abusing her . Ethan gets upset about it , but then weirdly goes on a paragraph - long tangent about Brijanna 's musical talent . The lawyer lowered his voice . " Ethan , this is serious , extremely serious . I can 't emphasize that enough . This is not the time to talk about her music ! " Robert gets increasingly more agitated that Ethan just keeps saying he didn 't do it . ( Though I 'm really not sure what he expected from him . Robert seems to believe Ethan , but he seems very annoyed that Ethan can 't produce evidence of non - abuse . ) Her life ? How would that put her life in jeopardy ? I mean , yes , it 'd be a terrible situation , but the chances of her dying because of this seem pretty slim . Ethan insists that Robert prove him innocent , but refuses to defend himself publicly , which . . . makes Robert 's job pretty dang difficult . He says again that he 's going to talk to Brijanna , and Robert is all , " I just told you , you can 't , " and then we get the really bizarre reason why Ethan thinks Brijanna 's life is in danger : " I will not allow this to hit the major newspapers . She was a Muslim and became a Christian . Some may see that as rejecting her faith , which could result in a death sentence to her . I cannot , will not , put her life in jeopardy . You know that ! " Secondly , who does he think is going to kill her ? She 's not living in a Muslim country under Muslim law . Given how homogenous good chunks of the U . S . are , she may not even know any Muslims in her new home . She doesn 't even have the same name as she did then . Muslims in the U . S . have converted to Christianity before without being hunted down . I 'm pretty sure most extremist Muslims don 't spend their time searching through crime stories in American newspapers to find names of former Muslim children to target specifically . They 're not Disney looking for copyright infringement . Incidentally , though , that 's kind of a weird segue . The intro to that thought that was , " They were very much in love when they married . . . at least , he thought they were . He knew he was . " So . . . he must have been in love because he provided for them ? He 'd better have provided for them if he was going to make her stay home and not work . . . Ethan wonders if maybe his past caught up to him - - his past being that he was in love with someone before Susan . Because apparently if you 're in love with someone and then fall in love with someone else , you 're really always still in love with the first person . ( I 'm glaring at you , How I Met Your Mother . . . ) The chapter ends with Ethan crying a lot , which is kind of a downer . But the next chapter is probably my favorite in the whole book , as it shows us one of the stupidest trial scenes ever written . So you 've all got that to look forward to ! 2 . Commercial ship Nostromo receive a call from the unexplored world . After the escape , a back seat in the house only to see that the work BIOFORM join them . 8 . The second child moves into a new house , just around the city and special events . Women mysteriously pregnant , paranoia over security unborn child begins controlling her life . 15 . And a dead lies between them , the two men " mystery " is the name of the cave memory and a serial killer on the essay . They are seeking to do the surgery in a game set in a Variety of men will follow the laws and regulations . 31 . They agreed to return more room in the woods for a break of five friends . Together , they must discover the truth behind the house in the woods . If you know much about my music taste , you know I have a fondness for covers that sound nothing at all like the original version . I 'm fascinated when artists slow down goofy songs , cheer up sad ones , or just generally change it up . Why cover a song if you 're not going to put your own spin on it , after all ? Here are a few of my very favorite weird covers ! Last time , we learned about the better - than - everyone - else Brianna Bays . Her lawyer / manager friend went off to find her lost family , only to discover both her parents are dead and her mother 's Iraqi parents have a hit out on Brianna . We 're now entering a flashback about something mysterious Brianna did that was wrong and hurt somebody . She asked , but no one knew anything about her past life . There were no pictures of her as an infant , no accounts of her being held or loved . Nothing ! It was almost as if her past was erased , or she had never been born . I 'm not entirely sure how she 's aware of these things at this age and in her situation . Is there a TV showing these things in movies or shows ? If the orphanage has a TV and TV coverage , how can it not afford ropes ? You don 't even need a jump rope to jump rope . You just need a rope . Surely that can 't be that difficult to come by . I 'm assuming he has some reason to know that this is what Janna means , but I like to think he 's just a walking baby name book . Or he names every orphan he sees " Janna " because it 's the only name he knows the meaning of . ( Incidentally , Janna does indeed mean something like " God is gracious . " Yay research ! We don 't get a lot of that in these books ! ) The man , whose name is Ethan Anderson , decides to adopt BriannaWesh ' mJanna and take her home to Arizona . They talk a lot on the plane , and during the stretch from L . A . to Phoenix , he teaches her " This Old Man . " ( Apparently one of the themes of Ethan 's life is that he sings a lot . ) He smiled at the child and repeated the song , teaching her the words and motions . Before long some of the others on the plane sang along . By the time they landed in Phoenix , she and many of the passengers knew the words and actions by heart . She was a college student , a business major , when she first met Ethan . After graduating , she landed a lucrative career at a large cosmetic firm . Advertising was her specialty . Her glowing face was often seen on commercials , billboards , or in beauty magazines . Business majors working in advertising don 't frequently end up in the spotlight - - that 's more typically done by , you know , models or actors - - but the book does make a point of telling us a lot about how beautiful she is . She won some beauty pageant once . I just like imagining her at work : " I have an idea for a new campaign . And it will feature . . . ME ! Again . Of course . " On the ride home , Susan gets all kinds of snarky about the birthmark , saying that kids are going to make fun of her because they make fun of kids with disabilities and that she 's going to make it tough for Susan and Ethan 's other kids to follow her in school because of it . Dang . Ethan snarks back at her , since she 's the most ridiculously shallow person on earth , and everything is awkward . With certainty , Ethan replied , " Susan , nothing is more important than raising our children . " " Oh , I see , a woman 's place is in the home ! " Her words stung . Without backing down , Ethan glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes . " At this point in our lives , yes , it is . " With that , the conversation was over . Susan knew she had gone too far . 1 ) She had " gone too far " ? By daring to insinuate she wanted to go back to work ? Well , that 's a line you just do not ever cross in this family , I guess . . . Also , it 's worth mentioning that this is one of those situations where I really have a problem with defaulting to the " man works , women takes care of the kids " scenario . Susan clearly likes her job more than he does ( and almost certainly makes more money ) and he clearly likes taking care of the kids more than she does . The scenario they have going right now will make everyone in the house miserable , and it 's the kids who are going to suffer the most . Many times Janna would ask , " Daddy , can we go see the ocean ? " They would pack their bags and head to Ethan 's parent 's beach home near Corpus Christi , Texas . It was the favorite place for Janna and Eric . When Brijanna turns 10 , things take an even darker turn . She gets all rebellious and difficult and starts lying to Susan all the time . But Susan 's not exactly easy to live with either . One day she smashes Brijanna 's guitar because she was tired of hearing Brijanna play . Gah . This writing . It 's a good thing this is the end of the chapter , because I am pretty sure I couldn 't read much more of this . Can YOU identify all the horror movie plot summaries that have been translated to death ? It 's a mix of old and new , and even a few I haven 't seen but know what they 're about . Some of these remained pretty obvious , while others are . . . not so easy . Leave your answers in the comments ! 2 . Commercial ship Nostromo receive a call from the unexplored world . After the escape , a back seat in the house only to see that the work BIOFORM join them . 8 . The second child moves into a new house , just around the city and special events . Women mysteriously pregnant , paranoia over security unborn child begins controlling her life . 15 . And a dead lies between them , the two men " mystery " is the name of the cave memory and a serial killer on the essay . They are seeking to do the surgery in a game set in a Variety of men will follow the laws and regulations . 31 . They agreed to return more room in the woods for a break of five friends . Together , they must discover the truth behind the house in the woods . A couple years ago , I had a Facebook conversation with someone about TV shows we liked , and we ended up talking about how I have a real fondness for snarky , cynical movies and shows . This led to a discussion about cynicism vs . sentimentality in entertainment , and whether one is better than the other . I have a definite distaste for the sentimental ( with a few exceptions ) because it often feel disingenuous or manipulative , but the other person argued that cynicism is perhaps just as manipulative and disingenuous , just on the other side . When a movie or a TV show deliberately sets itself up to be meaningful or sentimental - - or even sincere - - then I become consciously aware of its every move in trying to manipulate me to a specific emotional end . The characters don 't seem real enough for me to truly get invested in them , because I see them only as tools for the melodrama . It 's why I often don 't respond well to films that bill themselves as " inspirational . " There are no surprises . Each character simply acts in the most inspirational way , and that , to me , seems insincere . There 's lots of physical comedy involved with the actors playing each other 's characters , along with jokes about body switch movie tropes , and there 's plenty of snarky commentary as the study group get annoyed that they won 't let go of their insistence on the body switch . But there 's a lot more to it than their self - aware snarking . Toward the end of the episode , we discover that Troy has been wanting to break up with Britta but got scared to do it , so the body switch is a way for Troy to break up without having to actually be there . Ultimately , Troy is convinced that he has to break up with her for himself , so he goes to the restaurant where Abed and Britta are having their date , stages their bodies switching back , and does what he needs to do . Community 's humor is not the type you 'd immediately associate with highly emotional moments , but the scene where Troy talks about his fear of breaking up with Britta was very moving for me . In an unconventional and unexpected way , it communicated something very relatable : a fear of making tough decisions and hurting someone in the process . I absolutely connected with his desperate desire to do something , anything , so that he didn 't have to be the one to be there for it . Daria is another show that does the same thing for me . It may be even more cynical than Community , as there seems to be absolutely no chance that anyone in this show is going to change for the better any time soon . And yet , there are wonderfully touching moments . Moments where shallow sister Quinn reveals that she is aware - - and not entirely proud of - - her shallowness . Yes , she 's back to the same thing the next day , but there 's a sense in which we see her through a different lens . In other episodes , Daria even wonders herself if she 's becoming too cynical , and while she might not change her behavior in the episodes after that , we know that she 's thinking about it , and there 's a thought that maybe things might change after all - - even if it happens long after the show ends . It uses its dark humor to convey some messages that meant a lot to me . Oddly enough , this dark and cynical show is one that encourages me to monitor my own cynicism , because sometimes what seems like a great way of responding to frustrating situations can actually keep me from enjoying positive ones . Not every cynical comedy has moments of sincerity . For example , much as I enjoy Seinfeld or Arrested Development , I 'll happily admit there 's no sincerity and very little emotional connection there . But many of the ones I love the most draw on this . Part of the joy of this is that these emotional moments come out of the characters . The characters don 't come out of the emotions . These characters are there to make us laugh , but they 've become real people along the way , and that means that sometimes , the comedy reveals something deeper about them , and the veneer of cynicism is lifted for just a second so we can see and love and hurt for these people . And I do . I think part of the reason this is so powerful for me is because my life is a lot like that . I don 't live my life from meaningful experience to meaningful experience . I don 't deal with a new major life crisis every week that will turn me into an exponentially better person if I can only defeat the odds and overcome it . Change happens slowly for me , in the midst of the silly and mundane . Like Daria and Jeff from Community , I can lose sight of that change and see the world only through a cynical lens , but , just like them , I find moments where , amid the laughter and the frustration and the goofy late - night conversations , meaning suddenly crowds its way through , and I remember what is important and what I want to be and what I want to be working towards . Well , that 's my take . What do you guys think ? Does this happen to you too , or do you prefer stories that are more consistently inspirational ? The scene opens on a concert , with our protagonist , Brianna Bays , who is described on just page one as " stunning , " " angelic , " " flawless , " " captivating , " " entrancing , " so much so that " her beauty mesmerized the crowd . " But don 't worry , she 's not just beautiful . She is also known for her " sweet disposition , " " compassionate behavior , " and , most of all , her musical talent and her incredible singing voice , most notably : As you will soon learn , there is absolutely nothing Brianna doesn 't do better than everyone else . And I mean nothing . Just on this page , we learn she is the most beautiful , the kindest , the most talented singer , and the most talented actress . I 'm really not sure how the author thought we were going to be able to relate to her , because I don 't know about you , but I 'm certainly not the best at everything . We go on to learn that Brianna is 23 , but she 's paid the price for her success : she acts more mature than her friends . The concert is described some more , as is her latest " mega CD , " which in my mind is a CD the size of a record , and then she says goodbye to her fans by bowing them and waving with her index finger pointing up , which apparently symbolizes her Christian faith . She 's a new Christian , btw - - just got saved 7 months ago or so . Confirmed , Sonya the lawyer / manager is just wandering around Iraq on her own , so that 's fun . She then discovers that Mira 's family has ties to Hussein and terrorist attacks , so she 's like , " Well , that sounds fun ! Time to investigate some more ! " She reveals that Mira spent some time teaching in Paris nine months before Brianna was born , yadda yadda , lawyer sleuthing , it turns out she secretly got married , only to be abducted by her family , who then found out she was 1 ) married , 2 ) pregnant , and 3 ) a Christian . They were going to kill her but she somehow ran away and had a baby in a hospital in Baghdad . Then her family found her and killed her , but Brianna survived because they killed the wrong baby instead . Determined , Brianna pressed on . " That gives me even more of a reason to meet them . Besides they are my mother 's parents - my grandparents . I need to ask them a few questions . " . . . Yeah , I don 't think they 're going to be inclined to answer questions about what her mom was like growing up . Not if they 're offering money to anyone who will kill her . I 'd say that 's one of Brianna 's flaws , that she 's stupid , but everyone in this book is stupid , so she might still be smarter than most of the people in this story . They discuss their next order of business rather secretively , as Sonya was sent to find some other unknown man , who was in prison for six years , then got out , moved to a trailer park , and works at a truck stop . As Brianna hears this , she starts singing one of her songs . While we are told later that her song are unique and special and amazing and everyone who hears them is astonished , I 'm not entirely impressed with the sample we see here : Does it not matter who gets hurt ? As long as you don 't get burnt . A little girl of innocence , In a world that 's promiscuous . It 's a story as old as the hills . Brianna stops singing to vow that she 's going to do what 's right , even if it costs her her reputation . Sonya tells her that if she does this , she 'll lose her career , and all the good stuff she 's done in the last six years won 't count anymore . Brianna laments a bit more that she put the mysterious man in jail by lying , and then we get a flashback . The flashback lasts almost the rest of the story , so get comfortable . We 're about to meet Young Brianna . She 's still less annoying than Skye ever was , but meeting children written by Rothdiener isn 't ever fun , so . . . we 'll dive into that next week . Last night , Jacob was scrolling through his music player and came across " Leggy Blonde " by Flight of the Conchords . All I could think was that it was " Legally Blonde " with a missing syllable . And then I started thinking of other movies that would have very different plus if you phonetically removed a syllable from the title . My list included The Return of the Jed , A Series of Fortunate Events , and Lent Hill . What would you add ? You can even make up a silly plot synopsis for your new movie titles if you want . The Truman Show ( 1998 ) . This was actually the first one that came to mind , as well as one that my sister Bethany chose for one of her picks . A lot of movies speak about the importance of truth as opposed to comfortable lies , but this is my favorite . For any who don 't know the basic story , Truman ( played by Jim Carrey ) is the unwitting star of a reality TV show focused around his life . He 's grown up in a fake TV world , with actors playing his parents , his friends , and his wife . Eventually , inevitably , he discovers the truth , and he must make the decision whether to return to the safe , protected life he 's always known - - even though none of it 's real - - or venture out into the real world with no idea what might find there . It 's a beautiful , powerful movie to me that constantly reminds me that facing the truth , no matter how scary it is , is always going to be better than living a lie . Memento ( 2000 ) . This is a much darker pick , though it 's still one of my all - time favorite movies . The basic plot of Memento is about Leonard , a man with short - term memory loss . The last thing he remembers is someone attacking him and his wife , and now he 's out to find the man who killed his wife and caused Leonard 's memory loss . The story is told with a gimmick that works very well - - we see the story play out in 15 - minute scenes that move backwards , so that , like the main character , every time a scene begins , we have no idea how we got there or what 's happening , and we 're trying to figure out the truth as much as he is . The rest of my explanation involves definite spoilers for the movie 's central mystery , so if you haven 't seen it yet , skip the next paragraph and move on to choice # 3 . * * * Spoilers * * * At the end of the movie ( and the beginning of the story ) the main character discovers that the person he thought killed his wife , didn 't . There are a couple different interpretations of the end reveal , either that he found and killed the murderer some time ago , or that his wife survived the attack only to be accidentally killed by Leonard himself later . ( I hold to the second theory . ) Either way , he cannot accept this answer and makes the deliberate decision to wait 15 minutes and forget this answer . He even sets himself up on purpose to make his later self hunt down the man who revealed the truth to him . This raises fascinating questions about what happens when we deliberately reject the truth . While Truman chooses truth over comfortable falsehood , Leonard chooses to run from the truth about his own guilt , and as a result , he may find himself living the same haunted cycle over and over and over again , unable to ever be free . * * * End Spoilers * * * Company ( 2007 ) . This might be cheating because although there are two movies of this musical , they 're both filmed versions of stage performances . . . but its message is one that resonates very deeply with me . ( I 've written about it elsewhere on my blog . ) It tells the story of Bobby , an outgoing , charming guy who is the only single person among his group of married friends . Through a series of interactions with his friends , it 's revealed that while a part of Bobby does want to settle down someday , he 's worried about how much a serious relationship would disrupt his life . In the first act , his song " Marry Me a Little " showcases his dream relationship : one where " we won 't have to give up a thing , we 'll stay who we are . " But his short flings keep leaving him unsatisfied , and in the end he realizes that if his relationships are going to be as deeply fulfilling as he wants them to be , he 's going to have to open himself to the possibility that he could get hurt and that life could be difficult . His final song , " Being Alive , " is him acknowledging that he 'd rather be deeply connected to someone else than feel " safe " alone : " Somebody , sit in my chair and ruin my sleep and make me aware of being alive . " This truth about vulnerability in relationships is hardly a new one - - plenty of other movies have done it as well - - but this is the movie that made it hit home for me the most . Cheaper by the Dozen ( 1950 ) and Jesus People ( 2009 ) . These are two kind of odd choices , but I wanted to find something that I could confirm was an accurate depiction of a specific experience , and these two immediately came to mind . The original Cheaper by the Dozen was a movie my family watched a lot growing up because it was a great portrayal of a large family . I was the oldest of eight and I 've still never found a movie that better captures the experience I had growing up . While my family had some significant differences from the one in the movie , both were equally drama - and - chaos - free . Sure , there 's a lot going on when you have that many people in a home , but compare that movie to , say , the 2003 remake , which is just full of hijinks , screaming , and everything going wrong , and the original is a much more accurate depiction of my family - - and most of the other large families I knew growing up . I just watched Jesus People for the first time a month or so ago , and I was struck by its pitch - perfect parody of a very specific experience : working on something artistic within a very Christian environment . Though this movie focuses on music , which I 've done less with , I 've done lots of Christian / theater combinations - - in a church , in a traveling drama ministry , and in a Christian college , and this movie is fantastic at showcasing the weird things that sometimes happen with the tension between artistic integrity and a desire to send a message . ( I laughed out loud during one scene where the band suggests their first song should take a popular secular song and rewrite it with a Christian message . All the results are terrible but it 's absolutely the kind of thing that can and does happen all the time . ) That 's my list ! I asked my readers to share their thoughts as well , and got some great responses . These were some of the suggestions I received : As far as a movie that brings to light things that are hidden , the movie that popped into my mind first was Frozen . There are so many issues in this movie that start one way and end up somewhere else entirely because reality is introduced . In a fairy tale , a prince and princess meet , fall in love and love happily ever after , Frozen imparts a more realistic approach . In a fairy tale , the one with the magical powers that could potentially be used to hurt others is the clear bad guy , in Frozen , she 's a hurting , damaged teenager / young adult craving to be loved and understood . - - Sarah Remains of the Day : Lots of people make movies ( and speeches ) about the need to take a risk , and not let life slip away from them , but most of them make no impact on me because I am not sure they know what they are talking about . This movie , though , which is about two very proper English servants who fall in love but never get together because of their emotional reserve , really stuck with me . I saw , in a way I 'd never realized before , how one 's caution about relationships can simultaneously be generous to others and imprisoning for oneself . It showed very precisely how that can happen . What was true about [ this movie ] ? Not the facts , and not the moral . . . but rather the experience . . . an experience which not only tells the truth but makes it possible for it to be seen . - - Kevin ( read more on his blog post ) And 12 Angry Men , while you don 't know at the end whether the boy did it or not , is about digging into things that nobody thought of and to reveal holes . You don 't necessarily find any TRUTH in that one , but instead discover that some things that seemed to be obvious weren 't as black and white as they seemed . - - Bethany That is one translation anyway . While " true " remained pretty much the same throughout all the translations , this one varies a lot . Looking up the original Greek word , I found this : This gets translated as all kinds of things . A quick glance at Bible Gateway translations gives me answers like honorable , honest , worthy of reverence , seemly , holy , noble , worthy of respect , respected , chaste , and grave . The most common by far , however , are " honorable " and " noble . " The next blog will go up on November 3 , so you once again have about a month . I 'll post a reminder every so often . Thanks for everyone who contributed this month , and I hope I 'll get some more great answers for November ! It 's been sometime since I read Quest for Forgiveness , and there are good chunks of it I can 't remember . I do know that I found it much less obnoxious than Skye but just as silly . The main character is just as much a Mary Sue as Skye , but I hate her less , so that 's a plus . Every gripping page will intrigue you as you read of a world - famous singer and her startling conversion to Christ . You will witness her at the Motion Picture Awards . You will fly with her to her island paradise and vacation on her private island . As you read these pages you will sit in a courtroom and witness an innocent man convicted for a crime he did not commit . I love movies . I watch a lot of them . My favorite genre is musical , my least is western . My favorite directors include Woody Allen , Billy Wilder , Baz Luhrmann , and Christopher Nolan .
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TRUE STORIES OF A HOUSEWIFE & MOM IN THE BURBS OF CHICAGO . I have very bad luck / Lucy Ricardo bad luck ( which often is the reason for these stories ) . But we are a happy family through it all , and try to laugh everyday . DISCLAIMER : SOME of the pictures & videos I found on Google - Images & YouTube , they 're not mine . BUT THE STORIES ARE ALL TRUE , FROM MY LIFE , AND WRITTEN BY ME , Bev Benyamin So I thought I should write a little tribute to my son Michael because its been a Jennifer overload on my blog . Michael said it 's all I can think of this summer . I did write the story of Bev 's Best April Fools Day , 1993 ( http : / / bev - benyamin . blogspot . com / 2011 / 04 / my - best - april - fools - day - ever . html ) when I found out I was pregnant with him , but that 's about it . So this ones for you Michael ! Jennifer has always been the straight A , creative , gifted student and Michael is the natural born athlete and musician , just like his father . One of the things that amazed me about Lorens when we were dating is that he was good at every sport he 's ever tried . I realized that it must be natural born talent when Michael showed signs at an early age of being just like his dad . When Michael was like 5 , he would spend hours shooting hoops in our driveway . He was on the basketball teams in grammar school . When he was going into 6th grade , we moved to Manhattan . . . Kansas that is . He won the Little Apple Optimist Club 's Annual Hoop , Holler & Shoot free throw contest for his school . He was only 11 years old and he made 8 out of 10 baskets from the free throw line , breaking a 23 year old school record . The winner from each of the 10 area schools got to be in the Free Throw Championship during halftime at the televised Kansas State University vs . Texas basketball game at KSU in December , 2005 . He made 7 out of 10 baskets that night and was given an autographed T - Shirt and an award . He was one of 10 kids that made it to the Championship out of about 800 that tried . Its a really big deal for these kids . Students who like to hoot and holler from the stands of Bramlage Coliseum have the opportunity to cheer on not only the Wildcats , but also some half - pint players , when fifth - and sixth - grade athletes compete during the game tonight . This competition is part of the Little Apple Optimist Club 's " Hoop , Holler ' N Shoot , " an annual free - throw shooting contest . Thad Hall , chairman on the " Hoop , Holler ' N Shoot " committee for the Optimist Club , said 838 Manhattan area kids participated in the event this year . " A huge number of kids participated , so it 's a big honor for these kids to make it to the Bramlage shoot , " Hall said . Prizes for the winners include a $ 100 grant to the classroom of the first - place boy and first - place girl , scholarships to basketball camps , plaques , autographed T - shirts , K - State merchandise , fast food coupons and more . Hall said the participants show a healthy level of sports - style pride in representing their grade schools . He pointed out many K - State students are probably graduates of the schools represented . " There will possibly be future K - State students shooting at this event , so it 's always good to support our local kids , " Hall said . " It 's a good event for our community , and I think it 's a fun event for the kids as well . " Tipoff time for all games is 7 p . m . , and all " Hoop , Holler ' N Shoot " contests are during the halftimes of their respective university games . The event is sponsored by K - State Athletics ; The Manhattan - Ogden Public Schools U . S . D . 383 ; local radio stations 97 . 5 Power Hits , Q 103 . 5 and 1420 " Talk of JC " KJCK ; Kansas State Bank and McDonald 's . We moved back to the Chicago area after the school year when my husband lost his job . Mike was on his middle school basketball team both years . When Mike started high school , he wanted to try organized football . He never played football before high school . This video below is of his first game quarterbacking in 2009 as a H . S . Sophomore . He completed a 50 + yard pass within the first 10 seconds of this video . At 50 seconds into this video , Mike makes another long completion ( my favorite one ) . At about 58 seconds into this video , I 'm the nut in the white shirt , galloping sideways down the sidelines , arms waving for the receiver to keep running . Then I try to compose myself so I 'm clapping . Michael was Jr . Varsity , # 17 , in 2009 , Quarterback He was on the football and tennis team for 3 years . But this year , his senior year , while he loves football , he 's decided not to be on the football team . His grades were really bad last year and we encouraged him to make some tough choices . If he wants to go to college and have 1 / 2 a chance in life , he 's going to have to concentrate on his school work this year and get his test scores up . He had to make a decision about giving up some extra curricular activities . He surprised us when he said he 'd give up football . He said tennis is his favorite sport and what he wants to do in life ( well besides girls and his garage band ) . He never played tennis once before high school either . I never would have thought of him as a tennis player . But he 's so quick and so tall , ( already 6 ' 3 " and still growing ) . He 's got a long reach with his long arms and so not much gets past him . Turns out , he 's perfect for tennis . He wears a size 18 shoe ( so far , he 's still growing ) so its been tough finding him good tennis shoes unless they 're online . His tennis coach has been working with him and clocked Michael 's powerful serve at 80 mph . He said Michael could make it to the State Championship this year if he keeps at it . He said Mike could possibly get a Tennis Scholarship like he did if Michael concentrates and devotes himself to tennis this entire year . There will be a lot of colleges watching . One of Michael 's favorite players is the tennis great Andre Agassi . Agassi 's father was in the Olympics for Boxing twice and is an Assyrian from Iran just like Michael 's dad . So Michael is 1 / 2 Assyrian just like Andre . Michael also refuses to cut his hair . Below is a picture of Michael last year as a Junior at the Willowbrook Varsity Tennis Invitational . There were 56 players from 8 high schools competing in the tournament . MICHAEL WON 2ND PLACE . There are preseason football games starting and I already miss being a football mom . I can still go cheer on the team and help sell refreshments but it won 't be the same . Then again , my heart was in my throat watching Michael get hit , so maybe I 'll enjoy the games even more . And in the end , its exactly what needed to happen . He has more time to work on his grades and tennis . If you ask him , he 's got more time to work on girls , his song writing , guitar and drum playing with his friends . They got some studio time last week and he said it was heaven . He is thinking he 'll be a professional athlete or a famous rock musician . I don 't want to be the one to crush his dreams but I did let him know the odds are against him . I told him , you need a back up plan Michael , like a college degree . Lorens reminds me that Michael IS a gifted musician , showing signs ever since we got a piano when he was 2 years old . If he heard you play something , he could play it . Lorens was upset I lost the guitar tuner the other day . Mike said , " dad , don 't worry about it , I ' M YOUR TUNER " . And he tuned it perfectly by ear . He plays guitar at school and will be playing in the guitar ensemble on stage this year . He spends hours each day on Tux Guitar online writing music that he then plays for us . My daughter started and ended college this week and was in an Earthquake , and a Hurricane . I was a Full - time Day Care Provider for a teething 2 year old during a Chicago heat wave with my thermostat stuck on heat and set to 90 . I was a mentor to my son on his bad , first day back at school . I was the driver of my injured husband to the new Hospital , which , of course , was on fire & I failed my CDL tests . So I haven 't written in a few weeks because its been a stressful time , lots of tears , not much to laugh at . My daughter made it into the college of choice but I didn 't know how we would get her to D . C . I figured , maybe if she 's away from us she 'll be spared the family curse that seems to be upon us . I WAS WRONG . Wednesday was so stressful , that as I was dropping off my husband at the Emergency room at 8pm , I shouted into the sky , " IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG TODAY ? " Big mistake . By 10 : 00 pm , the fire in the hospital had been contained and I started to laugh as I thought about this week , it had been a total Bev / Lucy bad luck week . Maybe I should start from the beginning . . . . Monday , my husband and our daughter flew to D . C . so she could start college at one of the most expensive private colleges in the U . S . Even though we 're poor , she 's extremely talented and gifted and was awarded almost $ 45K in scholarships to attend so we thought she could go . The airline tickets were made possible thanks to our niece Aimee . She used her airline miles from her new job in Texas to get two tickets . When Lorens got back from D . C . Monday night , we started looking for smaller apartments so we could send Jen spending money each month . The next day , Tuesday , less than 24 hours after she arrived in D . C . , I was watching T . V . and they interrupted for a special announcement . The largest EARTHQUAKE to hit D . C . in over a hundred years had just struck . I was shaking as I dialed her cell number . I got a constant busy signal . I was hysterical until I finally got through to her an hour later . She said she was in her dorm room when the earthquake hit . She 's OK , just a little shaken , they evacuated the college and they were all standing outside . I was way more freaked out than her . Being the major smart ass that she is , and trying to make light of it so I wouldn 't worry , she said , " Don 't worry mom , the hurricane will put out any fires from the earthquake . " I said , " HURRICANE ? ! ! ! " I had to babysit our terrible two Grandniece Grandniece and their dog , and agreed to babysit them as long as necessary . The 2 year old is getting her molars in and it was very hard to make her happy . I 'm usually funny , silly , Auntie Bev to her , but nothing was working this morning . I was stressed out , tired and feeling way older than 45 , running after her all day . Lorens promised me he 'd be home by 5pm to take over for me until she fell asleep . She was like a terrible 2 on steroids over tired . Then the phone rang . It was my daughter , crying , " Mom , I 'm not going to college here anymore , please get me home NOW ! " She talked to financial aid , bottom line , it will be 4 times greater out of pocket than what her award letter indicated for her to attend this University . Turns out it 's about the 8th most expensive University there is , and we 're poor . And Jennifer doesn 't want thousands of dollars in student loans when she finishes college , not that we could ever get them . I was still on the phone with Jen . My mouth was hanging open but I didn 't know what to say . My head was spinning with the thoughts I had only a few days ago , that my child had made it out , she was getting away from this life . Now those hopes and dreams were fading away , all in a phone call , it was over , she was coming back to this life , back to nothing . Just then , Michael walked in the door and slammed his books down and went up to his room . He said he had a bad 1st day back at school . So , hoping Jen wouldn 't hear the tears in my voice , trying to hold it together for 1 more minute , I told Jen I needed to call her back . I was having major family drama at home today on all fronts and needed 10 minutes to gather my thoughts and call her back . She asked if she could come home before Irene . Oh yeah , I had almost forgotten about Irene . You know Irene , she 's the CATEGORY 3 HURRICANE I finished giving my Grandniece her bath , turned off the chicken / oven , dressed her and laid down with her in my daughters room . I was quietly crying , looking around at all Jen 's awards . Years of working towards making something of herself , to get out , to get away . Now I knew she 's not going to go to this University , which accepted her , her # 1 choice for years , something she 's worked towards her entire life . Pondering my next move , I wiped away my tears , still feeling guilty because I didn 't have the time or money for either of my kids at that moment . But the baby wouldn 't fall asleep , it was too hot . I had to get up and deal with it . Why was it so friggin hot ? Then I remembered I caught the little ninja my Grandniece , an hour ago , standing on the stairs , next to the thermostat ( to reach the top of the fish tank ) pouring the entire open bottle of fish flakes in . There was fish food EVERYWHERE , and it smelled like dead fish in my house . Lorens hates fish and I haven 't cooked it in the house in 20 years , unless I 'm mad at him . He 's not going to be happy when he gets home . OH WELL . I could see she had actually pushed the lever DOWN to " HEAT " and the little lever had snapped off . It was set to 90 . No wonder it felt like heat was coming out of the vents , IT WAS ! I used a pen to snap the broken lever back up to A / C and turned the temperature down to 72 . With the A / C now on , my Grandniece FINALLY fell asleep and I went upstairs , checked on Mike , tried to give him words of comfort and wisdom and then I called Jen back . Jen was over the initial shock and tears , so was I . She said , " Mom , I can get a degree in Anthropology at a school in the Chicago area , I 'll be able to volunteer in the inner city and just live at home . There are great colleges in Chicago . A college education is a college education . I 'll be fine . " The baby woke up 20 minutes later when the doorbell rang and the 3 dogs started barking like a pack of wolves . Just enough of a nap to make her more cranky , great . I was ready to kill whoever just rang the doorbell . It was Lorens . I opened the door , wondering why he didn 't use his key . He said he got hurt helping his friend . I thought , yeah right , likely story . It was probably just an excuse to get out of babysitting . I thought , I 'm going to do a hand off with her like a professional football player and run for my room . So I gave him 2 Tylenol P . M . s . Then I said " here you go ! " , and I put her down like I had dreamed of for the last few hours , hand off complete . He said " Bev , I can 't move my hand or shoulder ! " I said " OK , GOODNIGHT , " and ran upstairs . Bad wife , I know , but I really , really needed a few minutes alone . So after a 5 minute break upstairs I was calm and already feeling guilty . So I came downstairs thinking , we 'll just tag team with the baby the rest of the night . Lorens was gagging from the smell of fish , giving me a dirty look , assuming I had cooked some . He said " drive me to the hospital right now or call an ambulance . " I looked at him , his hand and shoulder were swollen to twice their normal size . So , OK , I guess he wasn 't faking . I felt dizzy myself , my high blood pressure was probably through the roof by now . Maybe the hospital was a good idea . But I didn 't have a car seat for the baby and our Niece was already at work . I finally got a hold of her fiance ' to come pick up his daughter , told him I had an emergency . They weren 't the only ones with drama today . He was 5 minutes away and came over to get her , 14 hours after we picked her up . That was the best part of my day . I rushed Lorens to the emergency room and went to park the car . I parked and just sat there for a minute , cried a little more and shouted into the sky , " IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG TODAY ? " Then I went inside . When I asked why there was such limited seating , they said it was because they had so many exam rooms in this new E . R . , more seating was unnecessary . They were wrong . During hour 2 in the supposedly " new and improved " waiting room , with nowhere to sit , I thought , once again , can this day possibly get any worse ? JUST THEN , the lights all started flashing , and an alarm was going off and on . Then an automated voice came over the intercom " CODE RED , CODE RED , CODE RED " . And I thought , Lucy , what have you done now ! ! ! You should have kept quiet and stayed in the damn car . So I went up to the receptionist and said , " Is there a fire ? " She said " Yes there is " , as if she was saying have a nice day , and went back to her work , she was going to leave it at that . I said , " Soooooo , should we evacuate the hospital ? " as all the lights were still flashing . She said , " No , they 're working on containing it , just don 't open any doors . " GREAT . The automated lady on the intercom made an all clear announcement about 15 minutes later . By that time I felt a migraine coming on from the flashing lights . Lorens said he 'd had enough of this " new and improved " E . R . He said the Tylenol P . M 's were starting to work and he just wanted to go home and go to bed . He woke up every 2 hours in pain which means so did I . I spent Thursday figuring out how I was going to get Jen and all her stuff home in the next 48 hours before Hurricane Irene . I swallowed what was left of my pride and borrowed money for a train ticket and to ship her belongings home . Hurricane Irene is scheduled to hit D . C . on Saturday afternoon , right after Jen 's train is scheduled to leave with 100mph winds pushing it towards Chicago . Great . Then our other niece ( the mother of the 2 year old ) called and said I may need to babysit her daughter full - time , 5pm - 1am , second shift . I held back the urge to scream and laugh like a crazy woman and said as calmly as possible , " Sorry , no freakin way . The starting time for my new job is 6am . " Now she 's mad at me . She can join the club . I really hope I get the job tomorrow , knowing my new , other option , is watching a 2 year old full time . Well , its currently Thursday night , 10 minutes to midnight in Chicago , so by the time I post this it will be Friday . I was offered a job as a school bus driver if I can pass the CDL test . I have my truck driving test at 7am . I had planned on studying all this week , and then all of this happened . I 'm afraid of all the things that could go wrong with me driving a 40 foot , 2 ton vehicle . I don 't want to have to add anything else to this week from hell post . I need to go to sleep . Goodnight . UPDATE : IT ' S FRIDAY AFTERNOON : I thought I had studied enough for my 3 tests . On the way there , I was pretty confident I would pass . . . . UNTIL I GOT THERE AND FAILED . You get 3 chances . On my second attempt , they were all new questions , luckily the ones that I had studied , and I passed with flying colors . I got my CDL permit and I start work on Monday at 6am , training behind the wheel . Nothing catastrophic happened to any of us . Maybe this week of bad luck is over . I got home and checked my e - mail , I have some new followers on Twitter , a screenwriter and publisher from L . A , Lawry 's Steakhouse in Chicago ( Yummy ) AND BEST OF ALL , an anchor woman from CNN ! ! ! Maybe someone will say , hey , I know someone that can help this chick get published . Where 's some wood , I need to knock on it , quick , because I still have my nieces damn dog and Michael came home sick from school today . And my daughter made it home , safe and sound . The earthquake and hurricane only caused minor damage . She may not be at American , Princeton , Stanford or Yale like a few others in her graduating class , but the students that were , along with her entire senior class , voted HER " Most likely to rule the world " . She was also voted Best Actress , starred in the Improv Troupe and Speech Team , winning 1st place and the most points ever earned in speech team . She is in the National Honor Society , has won countless ribbons and trophies , broken records , and is a gifted writer and a natural comedian . She was accepted into several top universities , but now , it 's to late to start anywhere else this semester . She will start community college in Chicago in January . She 's saving up to go to Kenya for 2 weeks next summer to volunteer in an orphanage through Daniel Radcliff 's ( actor who plays Harry Potter ) volunteer program ( http : / / www . volunteerhq . org / about . html ) . Then she plans on transferring to University of Illinois at Chicago . Their Anthropology program is highly regarded . She wants to volunteer in the inner city . She 'll be fine . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog and I have nothing to laugh about , its not funny . Mother Nature needs a Midol . In case you haven 't heard about it , let me fill you in . During the last few seasons , Chicago has been experiencing record breaking everything . Currently , its record breaking HEAT . The INSECTS are worse than they 've ever been . Of course , the SNAKES in my suburban backyard are loving it and are bigger than ever this year . I 'm sick of the extremes in Chicago 's weather this year ! We even had a thing called " THUNDER SNOW " this year . It 's thunder and lightening , in the winter , during a blizzard . I 'm 45 and have NEVER even heard of anything like it . Jim Cantore from the Weather Channel caught it on tape while he was on Michigan Avenue covering the approaching blizzard . There was NO SPRING in Chicago this year , just a few extra months of winter and COLD ASS RAIN . There was even a chance of SNOW during the Cubs home opener in March : Tuesday , March 29 , 2011 I 'm not predicting the play of the Chicago Cubs or the Pittsburgh Pirates by any means here ! This is strictly about the weather and how it could impact the game . On Friday , the Cubs and Pirates open the 2011 season at Wrigley Field at 2 : 20pm . At the very best , the weather looks chilly for this time of year with highs only in the 40s . At worst , snow could dust the baseball diamond ! We 're watching an Alberta - clipper that will dive into the U . S . and toward northern Illinois on Friday with some rain and snow . The computer models suggest we 'll be cold enough for snow Thursday night when the system starts to move into the area . It also appears cold enough for snow on Friday afternoon , but with the high April sun angle and the timing of this low in question , we have a rain / snow mix in the forecast for now . Stay tuned . . . this could be a rotten opening game weather - wise ! Posted by First Warn Weather Team at 8 : 17 PM Then summer finally came , but with near constant 100 + DEGREE HEAT index 's more days than I care to remember and its not over yet , it 's only August 1st ! Many of the storms came with RECORD BREAKING RAINFALL , WIND AND POWER OUTAGES as well . Not once , not twice , but " the storm of the season " seems to have hit Chicago about 10 times this summer . We lost power during 5 different big storms and had to get a generator and fill it with gasoline every hour for days . And we were some of the lucky ones . Some of my friends didn 't have generators and their basements flooded , more than once this summer . Chicago storms break single - day rainfall record July 23 , 2011 ( CHICAGO ) - The overnight storms that hit the Chicago area have broken the city 's record for most rainfall in a single day . The National Weather Service says 6 . 86 inches have fallen at Chicago O ' Hare International Airport since 1 a . m . Saturday . That 's the biggest single - day rainfall since records began in 1871 . The previous record was 6 . 64 inches that fell on Sept . 13 , 2008 . Meteorologist Richard Castro says additional rain before midnight on Saturday could break the record for largest rainfall in Chicago in a 24 - hour period . That record stands at 9 . 25 inches from Aug . 13 - 14 , 1987 . The overnight storm closed several flooded expressways , ramps and roads . Several thousand utility customers have also lost power . ( Posted on July 23 , 2011 by Chicago Local ) I find myself blogging about the Chicago weather because it feels like a swamp outside ONCE AGAIN today . It reminds me of a news story I heard a few months ago that said Chicago will become more swamp - like over time . I didn 't pay that much attention to it , assuming they were talking about 100 years from now . Obviously they meant Chicago would be more swamp like in 100 days . It 's going to be like going on a trip to the rain forest for people that want to travel to Chicago . I can hear the travel agents now , " Oh , you want to travel to Chicago ? Well then , you 'll need a series of shots . Let 's start with the one for malaria . . . " I 'm afraid to ask what 's next . Maybe dinosaurs shopping on Michigan Avenue ? Will air boat rides replace the Windella Boat rides on the Chicago River ? While the boaters take pictures of the Alligators along the new River walk ? I guess I am going to write a post complaining about the Chicago weather after all . Hey Mother Nature , save a few Midol 's for me . Posted by Benyamin , I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . Happily married 27 + years , I 'm a mom to 2 , a Sister , an Aunt to 3 & Great Aunt to 2 . I love my family , writing , laughing , and Chicago . Born & raised on the N . W . Side ( go CUBS , go BEARS , go HAWKS , go BULLS ! ! ! ) , now we 're in the burbs , just outside Chicago . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . . I have a lot of great memories from the Albany Park neighborhood in Chicago where I was born and raised . BEV THE H . S . SOPHOMORE , 1981 . . . A few weeks earlier , in March , 1993 : Well , it was time . Time to go back to work . I hadn 't worked in 4 1 / 2 months . I had went into . . . I WASN ' T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT CHICAGO ' S CRAZY WEATHER THIS YEAR BUT , COME ON NOW CHICAGO , SERIOUSLY ? WTF ! This is my happy blog . . .
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This Chris Benoit double murder / suicide is just beginning . I stated in my previous issue about this subject , that this is easily the biggest story since Owen Hart and I am starting to believe it will be even bigger . It 's really a nightmare for a wrestling fan . This story is shedding such bad light on the " sport . " It somewhat irrates me that uneducated people are writing about this and are extremely biased against wrestling . Yeah , it has a lot of bad things about it , but let 's wait to hear the whole story . We all know the guy went crazy , but we still have no idea what the cause really was . It gets harder and harder to look at Chris Benoit as this story progresses . I read today that he possibly used the crippler crossface ( his finishing move ) on his son to kill him . That 's fucked up , period . It shows that this guy was simply not mentally stable at the time . Any professional wrestler knows that you don 't try moves on people and kids it 's even worse . Some people might not believe this , but some wrestling moves really do hurt and are dangerous . There 's a reason why they put a disclaimer saying , " Don 't try this at home . " I never really liked Benoit that much . I did think he was a damn good wrestler though . One of the best matches I ever saw live was Benoit vs . WWE Champion , Kurt Angle at the 2003 Royal Rumble in Boston . Chris lost the match , but the Fleet Center gave him a standing ovation . It was actually a really nice moment . People respected this guy and wanted him to win the title ( He won it a year later at WrestleMania XX . ) . A little more than four years later , he would be lucky to get anyone to clap sitting down . His career now has a huge black cloud over it . DVDs with his matches are being pulled off the shelf and your only hope to watch some of his classics , will be probably be bootlegs on ebay . Although , I will say that it will be tough to watch one of his matches without thinking of what happened to the guy . I think any time someone dies prematurely , regardless of cause , you always look at them differently . At lPosted by I have no idea who posted it , but someone finally commented on my blog . I know that 's not saying that much , but I guess you have to start somewhere . Anyway , keep the comments coming people . I want to make sure I 'm not writing this to no one . Paul McCartney just released an official youtube . com video ( There are also countless other amateur ones . ) of his performance the other night at Amoeba . I watched it and literally must have missed the camera a handful of times by very little . They have a shot of Woody Harrelson and one of Ringo . Both of them I was cut off . Then , they even took a long tracking shot down the line outside the store and they cut out right before my section . I just thought it was too funny because I might get someone thinking I made up the fact I was right behind the VIPs during the show . I really don 't care . I know I was there and I have proof . Apparently , the I was not camera friendly enough . 5 . Eric Clapton , The Fleet Center ( renamed TD BankNorth Garden ) , Boston , MA , June 11 , 2001Unlike his show in 2006 , this one satisfied all the fans . He played great guitar riffs while still playing well known hits . This was also the second concert I ever went to ( I saw U2 , three days earlier at the same venue ) . Clapton was at his best and you really saw why he is the greatest guitarist alive today . Hell , Billy Preston ( Known for his work with The Beatles ) even played that night with him . He also played an accoustic and electric set . Of course , I will always remember this show for the simple reason of marijuana . I didn 't know what is smelled like and I asked my Dad how he knew . He just said , " You know . " Many years later , I agree . 4 . Jack 's First Show , Verizon Wireless Ampitheatre , Irvine , CA , August 19 , 2006I honestly never thought this would be that great of a concert , but it surpassed my expectations . The acts were not amazing , but as a collective unit were damn good . The Violent Femmes , Cheap Trick , Billy Idol , Journey , and Def Leppard were on the bill . Not as crazy as the Amoeba show , but it was a long day , so you really got to know your neighbors . I met some interesting characters to say the least . We formed a bond as the night progressed . This concert also really got me much more into every band , which I think states how good of a show it really was . 3 . Paul McCartney , Arrowhead Pond ( renamed Honda Center ) , Anaheim , CA , November 11 , 2005It was the second time I saw Paul . It was a different venue and I saw it alone . I guess those were the first two factors why the 2002 show was better . To really compare the set lists would be pointless . There are always going to be minor changes , but Paul is great for always playing the hits . This was still a great show and a simple joy to see one of the true living legends of music . 2 . Paul McCartney , Fleet Center , ( renamed TD BankNorth Garden ) , Boston , MA , October 1 , 2002I debated kicking this out of the top spot . I really did . It was my first time seeing Paul . I sat in the lasPosted by Here is the second and final part of my adventure for Paul McCartney tickets at Amoeba . Enjoy . . . 11 : 27 a . m . : Julian drops me off at Amoeba for round two . A lot of people are already here . There is also a ton of people across the street who didn 't get cards yesterday . Suckers . If I didn 't like Paul that much I could easily sell my card for a couple hundred bucks . There is also a huge McCartney chair banner on the side of the building . It should be a very long and interesting day . 11 : 46 a . m . : More people are here . There 's a couple media trucks . They also keep moving us in an attempt to keep everyone in a single file . It 's getting a little crazy . 11 : 57 a . m . : They moved us again . Make up your damn minds . Also , the Mexican group parked right in front of me . Someone needs to tell them Paul is playing , not some rap bullshit . 12 : 02 p . m . : Some kids walk past me with Paul McCartney at Amoeba posters . They tell me I have to buy the album to get one . That 's bullshit . 12 : 30 p . m . : Alright , let 's start handing out some bracelets . 12 : 31 p . m . : If I wasn 't afraid of getting shot , I would attempt to strangle the Mexicans . Turn off the fucking rap . At least Sadrac ( my neighbor ) is playing some Beatles music on his little amp . 1 : 00 p . m . : Yes , I got my bracelet . 1 : 08 p . m . : I bought Memory Almost Full again , so I could get a really cool poster . I had to do it . Everything else was free , so what the fuck . 1 : 22 p . m . : I start talking to this Greenpeace girl about " I Saved the World from Global Warming . " It 's a bad pickup line , but kinda worked . She told me I should bring the film into the offices . 1 : 25 p . m . : The crazy British guy starts rambling to some camera man about The Beatles . You gotta love it . 1 : 40 p . m . : Amoeba keeps moving us , up and down the line . It 's getting crazy over here . TV and radio trucks are here . Where did the Mexicans go ? Maybe someone caught them smoking and drinking in public . 2 : 00 p . m . : 4 1 / 2 hours til the doors open . I think I 'm going to get something to eat . I 'm getting hungry . 2 : 05 p . m . : Apparently , you can leave as long as yPosted by I had an interview with Outlaw Productions today that I want to forget and remember at the same time . Let me just say that Luke Sandler is a fucking asshole . If I see him in the street getting raped in the ass by two big black men and screaming with his lame British accent , I am simply going to let him suffer . I don 't care if you choose not to hire me . It happens , not everyone is suited for every job . I know you can 't get every job , but it 's called class . There I am in the interview and he abruptly cuts me off , says he 's not going to hire me , and doesn 't want me to waste any more of his time . I just sat there a little shocked and confused . Then , quietly left the office upset that I wasted my time coming to the interview . You can at least let me finish and decide not to call me back . Seriously , what the fuck ? I got to Kopelson today and told David about it . And he was like , " Yeah . Luke is a prick . " I have no problem agreeing with him . The Celtics traded for Ray Allen tonight . Very interesting deal , but I actually like it . They still have their young core players and added a veteran . Still , I don 't see them competing for the championship . I do think they can make the playoffs and once you get into the playoffs anything goes . It should be interesting what happens in the coming months . Let 's just hope Danny and Doc don 't try to do anything stupid . My life has been full of journeys , lately . Tomorrow , I will mail my submission to the Boston Film Festival . Let 's cross our fingers and hope I 'll get accepted . There should be plenty more to come . I will continue to keep you informed . I watched that Beatles " reunion " on Larry King Live tonight . Talk about a joke . They made a big deal about something that was nothing . I will probably write this word a bunch of times in this post , but it was a joke . King asked horrible questions and it looked like all four of them were very uncomfortable . First of all , the word " reunion " doesn 't make any sense . The last chance for a Beatle reunion ended on the night of December 8 , 1980 when John Lennon was shot four times in front of his apartment . Anyone with half a brain knows that . Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison are and never will be Beatles , so get over it . Just lose the word , plain and simple . My favorite moment of the hour broadcast was when King indirectly asked about McCartney 's divorce . Paul responded he doesn 't talk about it and thanks for bringing it up . I just thought exchange summed up the whole interview . Plus , Larry King was asking dumb and obvious questions that a true Beatles fan already knows the answer to . " Did you know you would be as big as you were " questions have been asked a million times . Or even " Do you still play for the money " questions , which is just as bad . Overall , I thought it was horrible and it was lame . It got to the point when Paul and Ringo were making fun of Larry King , which I thought was funny . So if you missed the interview and were disappointed . Don 't worry . You didn 't miss anything other than a big joke on the part of CNN and Larry King Live . Here you go . I took various notes throughout the day for what would only be the first half of my journey to see Paul McCartney . I wrote this stuff as I went along , so it is damn authentic . Hope you enjoy . I will post part 2 probably on Thursday . 7 : 45 a . m . : I have arrived at Amoeba . A lot of people are sleeping in sleeping bags or chairs . There is probably only 160 people here . I introduce myself to my " neighbor " for the next 36 hours , Trini , and her daughter , Krissy ( probably around 10 - 12 ) . Let the games begin . 8 : 25 a . m . : Next person arrives , Sadrac . He 's going to be a senior in high school . Apparently , he just found out about the show and took a bus down . What 's up with these names ? Is it Hollywood or McCartney fans ? 8 : 45 a . m . : Someone from Amoeba ( she has an Amoeba t - shirt on ) tells us to move closer to the building . I don 't know if I will ever buy it , but I want one of those t - shirts to remember this . 9 : 00 a . m . : Part of me doesn 't really care now , but I could have easily slept a couple more hours at the apartment . Only one person has arrived after me . 9 : 10 a . m . : A big group of Mexicans ( couple adults , teens , and younger couple ) arrive . Not going to lie , not what you consider to be diehard Beatle / McCartney fans . Wait a second , the younger couple are making out right next to me . Who would have thought I could watch the making of a softcore porno while waiting in line . That reminds me , where are all the hot girls ? I 'm the only good looking person in their 20s in line . 9 : 15 a . m . : Sadrac is eating some Jack in the Box . I think I might embark on a " Super Size Me " diet only subsitute McDonald 's with Jack . 9 : 20 a . m . : The Mexicans busted out the pot . I am all for smoking , but there 's a time ( it 's 9 : 20 , chicos ) and a place ( not on the fucking side of the road in Hollywood ) . I hate to sound racist , but I hope a cop drives by right now . 9 : 40 a . m . : Some lady just gave me ( un ) officially number 162 . I better get in . 10 : 00 a . m . : ABC 7 camera man starts filming the line of people . I 'm sure this is just the beginning of media coverage . 1Posted by The details still need to be discovered , but I really want to write something about this topic . Being a huge wrestling fan , it 's hard not to think about the Chris Benoit situation and where it will leave pro wrestling . Really , it is scary for everyone involved since this is easily the biggest real life story coming out of pro wrestling since Owen Hart 's death in May 1999 . First , let 's look at why steroids have become such a big part of the business . It really started in the 1980s with the rise of the Immortal , Hulk Hogan . No wrestler was ever more popular and Vince McMahon and the WWF ( renamed WWE for the uneducated wrestling fans ) decided to go in that direction . They wanted bigger and stronger wrestlers . If you look at some of the biggest wrestlers in that period , they were huge . Then , they had this big lawsuit in the early 1990s , which killed that movement . They quickly shifted gears to smaller , more technical wrestlers like Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels . Then , around the Attitude Era in the late 1990s , it slowly started to shift again . The market wanted nicer and muscular bodies . Plus , let 's face it , pro wrestling easily has the most grueling schedule of any sport ( Yes , I am going to call it a sport to simplify this post ) . They wrestle easily over 250 dates a year . Some even more . To put it bluntly , pain kilers and steroids were and are used by many . The 2000s have been a horrible decade for wrestler deaths . Many have died " young " in their 40s . I am not even going to attempt to list them all since it would be ridiculous . This might sound crazy , but I don 't completely blame the WWE for this . If anyone is to blame , it is the entire sport of pro wrestling . A lot of these deaths , come from wrestlers who were wrestling in the indie circuit ( Previous wrestlers in WWE , WCW , and ECW who can 't find work in the WWE or TNA ) and just trying to get by with the bare minimum . Basically , the WWE have screwed themselves big time . Recently , they implemented a drug policy in the company , which has been effective in a sense . They AREPosted by I will post a more detailed post later in the day , but obviously I 'm back from waiting in line . Amoeba decided to let people go home since there was about 300 people there at noon . I was number 162 in line and yes , I did get a ticket . I just have to be back by noon tomorrow and I will receive my bracelet . Maybe , it 's not as cool as camping out the for a night , but still by the time it 's over , I will have been sitting outside Amoeba for roughly 14 hours or so . I 'll add more later . You ever watch those movies when you were a kid and there was always this character who became a " legend " by doing something never seen before ? You know like Fisher flying in " Radio Flyer " or Benny " The Jet " Rodriguez getting in a pickle with Hercules in " The Sandlot " . Well , I am about to embark on my moment . Why and how , you might ask ? I 've realized that sometimes you have to do something so fucking crazy that even your kids and grandkids thought you were cool when you were young . I 'm getting ready to write my story . Yes , I am getting ready to camp out for 40 hours in an attempt to see Paul McCartney play live at Amoeba Music in Hollywood . Crazy ? Yes . Genius ? Yes . I 've been waiting for this moment in my life . It 's my time to go into the record books and become a legend . I will be blogging throughout the entire trip . When I return to a computer , I will post you all the details . So , if you got nothing better to do , then stop by and say hello or wish my luck . Hahaha . This should be interesting . Today one of the best technical wrestlers in the business , Chris Benoit , died along with his wife and son . I plan to write more on this as more details become available . My thoughts go out to his family . Benoit was one of the best and will truly be missed by all . I just got word from my Dad and later confirmed from an email from PaulMcCartney . com that he will be playing a " secret " gig at Amoeba music in LA on Wednesday . I was all excited at first since this would be a cool show to see for a number of reasons . I 've seen him twice , but I could never get tired of seeing him perform . I decided to call Amoeba shortly after I heard the news ( 5 : 45 p . m . Pacific Time ) and the lady told me already 40 people lined up . Are you kidding me ? The show is not until 7 : 30 p . m . on Wednesday ! Basically , I am going to have to camp out for close to 24 hours to even have a legit shot . They will start handing bracelets out at 12 : 30 p . m . on Wednesday . So , here is my plan . I 'm going to leave Kopelson at 1 : 00 p . m . tomorrow in an attempt to pull this off . I will basically wait in line for 24 hours and hope I get a bracelet . Still , I am going to call Amoeba before I leave to see if it is even worth it . The girl on the phone told me that they plan to let in about 400 people . I guess it 's moments like these that determine who the true fans are . I guess unemployment has its benefits . Cheers ! So , now that The Police ( previously number five ) have been taken off the list , let 's see who is left on this almighty list . Unfortunately , most of these acts no longer exist or the musician is no longer alive , but it 's fun to think what if . 10 . Elvis Presley9 . Janis Joplin8 . Cream7 . Queen6 . The Who ( with Moon and Entwistle ) 5 . Pink Floyd4 . Led Zeppelin3 . The Doors2 . Jimi Hendrix1 . The Beatles At least my ears have stopped ringing . A day after I saw The Police at Dodger Stadium , I 'm still trying to figure out where to rate the show . I wrote yesterday that I was nervous , but I think I might have overreacted . I had a couple issues with the show , but overall I would give it a thumbs up . Still , it hurts to do it after spending a little over $ 150 on the ticket and souvenirs ( Yes , a t - shirt and program are essential in my opinion . Disagree if you want . ) . Was this the best concert I 've ever seen ? No , but it was good . The Police were in the coveted top five bands I always wanted to see live and last night I lived my dream . I think a lot of people did . Their last tour was 1984 , so anyone under 23 and actually probably under 35 never had a legit chance to see them play before . Whether they will admit it or not , The Police are a nostalgia act . So , my first big complaint will surface and that 's play the fucking hits and play them like you recorded them . I don 't want to hear a slowed down version of " Don 't Stand So Close to Me " or " Roxanne " . I 'm sorry , but I want to hear the version that I hear when I turn on the radio . I also still thought the band sounded a little off at times . Ocassionally , you could hear a fuck up and it was almost as they knew it , too . What makes them good is the fact that it doesn 't bother them and they keep on playing . Plus , people didn 't really care since they were just having a good time . I will say what also helped make this show good was the fact that not only Fiction Plane opened , but Foo Fighters played for an hour too . Fiction Plane was mediocre at best . Foo Fighters really got the crowd going and I was highly impressed . Hell , Dave Grohl even jumped into the crowd , started to run around , and plowed people over in the process . It was a classic moment and I can just remember thinking that this is what a concert is all about . After Foo Fighters finished , The Police came on about half an hour later . Stewart Copeland banged a gong and you could start to smelling marijuana as they opened with " Posted by The countdown to The Police concert has begun . I 'm going to the show tonight in Dodger Stadium . I 've been waiting for this show for a long time , so I have high expectations . Although , I 'm not going to lie when I say I 'm a little nervous . I 've been reading reviews for their concerts and especially their concerts in southern California ( Wednesday at Staples Center and Thursday at Honda Center ) . Both shows were disappointments . I 'm really hoping they read the newspapers and step up to the plate . Opening are Fiction Plane and the Foo Fighters , so hopefully they can get the audience going early . I 'll give you a detailed report when I get back tonight and let you know the verdict of the show . I spent a little over three hours doing a sound mix for " Sweet Pea " today with Josh , Sean , and Tim . Even though it was a long day , I am very happy with it . I think it sounds great . It turned out much better than I ever imagined . The score is just damn good . Josh just wrote some great sounding music and Tim was great today in the mixing room . He heard some shit and made some suggestions , I would have never thought of . Then , you listen with the changes and it 's like , " Wow , that sounds so much better . " After today , we are just left with some synching issues that we hope to take care of on Monday , then we will get it ready for a last minute submission to the Boston Film Festival . It would be an understatement to say how excited I am over the prospects of the BFF . I really , really , really want to premiere the movie in Beantown this September . It might sound crazy , but I actually do not want to premiere it anywhere else in the world and that includes Cannes , Venice , Berlin , and Sundance . Growing up in a city twenty miles north ( Peabody ) of Boston , it would be a dream to premiere there . Plus , it 's a great story . I can see it now , " Hometown Hero Premieres Film to Rave Reviews ! " I made a promise to myself when I came out to California almost three years ago that I would return to Massachusetts with a film . Now , I just have to close the deal . Believe me , I will keep you updated when I find out more details . It 's a very exciting time for me . A couple years ago Boston was once again on top of the sports world . With three championships from February 2004 to February 2005 , life was good to be a Boston sports fan . Now , a little over two years later , things could be much better . Even though , two organizations ( Pats and Sox ) are still damn good , the other two just simply stink . Actually , they suck and it hurts to write that . People fail to realize / remember that for the majority of time during the history of Boston sports those two stinky / sucky / shitty teams were " the teams " . For those who have no idea what I 'm talking about , it 's the B 's and Celts . The Bruins were probably the most popular team in Boston in the 1970s and were damn good in the 30s and 40s . Hell , the 80s and early 90s they were even extremely popular . I know since my Dad had season tickets at the old Boston Garden . They even made the playoffs 29 straight years , which is the North American major sports record for consecutive playoff appearances . The Bruins were fun to watch and they had extremely likable players such as Orr , Esposito , Bucyk , O ' Reilly , Neely , and Bourque to name just a few . Unfortunately , in the late 1990s to present , they fail to even come up in conversation when talking about Boston sports . They are barely a shadow of their former selves . Why ? Horrible management and losing . Hockey is a great sport to watch , yet no one cares to go to the games and NHL ratings are down , period . It 's sad , but the Bruins are nothing in Boston . Today , they hired their third coach in the last year . And the last time they made the playoffs was before the lockout when they were upset in the first round . Claude Julien wants the players to be more gritty . Okay , but last time I checked that doesn 't win every game . The Bruins need some fucking talent . I want to see them raise the Cup in my lifetime , yet they fail to realize you have to make moves to win . Their current crop of players is medoicre at best . Their captain is an overrated and oversized goofball defenseman . And their best offensive player would Posted by I had a really good conversation with the VP of Development , Ryan Engle , yesterday at Kopelson . I like to call it eye opening . It really got me thinking to be quite honest . He was talking to me about my career and future and how to suceed in this business . He gave me some really good pointers that I won 't be forgetting anytime soon . I thought it was really interesting that he said as an assistant you are going to film school . If you just go home and complain about it , then you will fail . You have to go home and read scripts , write notes , coverage , live and breath this business . Everything you do is a learning experience . You should constantly learn from your boss and if you 're not learning , then go somewhere else . He used the term " film school " in the real world and I thought it was really interesting . It was almost like who cares where you got your bachelor 's degree . Film school really starts now . It starts in the real world . I thought it was an amazing perspective since few people actually think that . It 's true though and when you look at Ryan and see what he has accomplished it is really hard to argue against his philosophy . Agree or disagree if you want , but I think he made some valid points that should not be overlooked . I was going to write about this last night , but I never got the chance . I went shopping at this store in the Century City mall , Veni Vidi Vici , which is a European clothing store . They had this deal of 3 items for 99 dollars . I figured it was a good deal considering the retail value of all the clothes in their is roughly 80 dollars each . Anyway , I go in there and start looking around . The sales rep starts talking to me and asks if I smoke . I replied that I had no cigarettes on me , which he then replied that he meant kush ( marijuana for all you " stupid " readers ) . I was a little confused and politely rejected since I really don 't like buying off people I have never met before in my life . So we keep talking and he tells me how he is a member of the cannabis club ( medical marijuana term in California ) and how it helps him battle his former cocaine addiction . Then , he asks if I wanted a hit . Now , remember I am at a store in the mall . Okay , so the guy is by himself , but still I couldn 't believe it . Once again , I politely rejected the offer since I still had to drive to Glendale . I decided I wanted to try on a pair of pants , so I am shown to the back by this guy . He then tells me while I try on the pants , he is going to take a hit . There I am trying on these jeans while the sales rep is taking a hit off a bong . Finally , I decide to make my purchase and buy the clothes off this stoned guy . He starts ringing the clothes and has me sign the credit card receipt . As I sign , I notice that the receipt is only for roughly 70 dollars which is much less than I anticipated . I proceed to quietly sign the receipt and quickly leave the store . The guy was apparently so stoned that he forgot to ring in one of the items and I had one hell of a deal . Now , maybe I am going to hell because of it , but that 's their fault . I am not against marijuana , but you have to smoke wisely and not on a job . You get what you ask for . The guy told me that he just started two weeks ago and at this rate he will be lucky if he survives two more . It 's official . I succesfully applied for a California license today . After taking a written test , I will have my new ID in a couple of weeks . I was just getting sick of having an out of state ID . Plus , if I am going to be living out here , it is really pointless not to have one . It is really a matter of time , so why not just get it now ? I will say that the written test is actually hard . Well , at least to me it is . They ask you questions that 9 out of 10 drivers would probably get wrong if asked on the spot . A lot of it is information or actions you don 't ever really think about . Still , it is very passable , but without prior driving knowledge or studying , the average person will probably fail . I realized something today . After going on yet another interview , I came to the conclusion that it is like an artform . Okay , maybe that is a little over the top , but seriously . It 's like dating . You laugh at stuff that isn 't funny and you try to bullshit your way around just enough so you can get into your interviewer 's pants ( also known as a job ) . Not everyone is good at interviewing . Honestly , I feel like every interview I get better and better . In a way , I wish I could do my interview with 3 Arts Entertainment again for the simple reason that I could do much better . The unfortunate part is that is not going to happen , so I might as well just move on to the next company . I had my interview today with Amsel , Einsenstadt , and Frazier , which is a small boutique agency in LA . I applied for this job working in the youth division as an assistant to two agents . Besides the shitty pay ( 400 a week , which seems to be the entry level standard ) and the prospects of a one year commitment , I actually really liked the place . I felt good talking to both agents ( Nicole and Milton ) and I think that is really important . I had a much different feeling compared to my previous interview with Principal Entertainment . All I do know is that whenever I end up has to realize that I might be leaving for a week in September for the Boston Film Festival pending Sweet Pea 's acceptance . I can 't pass up that opportunity and they will just have to realize that . I got high last night for the first time in a while . It was probably the best high I 've had in some time , too . I have been laying low with drugs the past few months after a couple bad trips , but last night gave me some renewed faith . I still don 't consider myself a drug addict in any way , but it is a great feeling in moderation I do believe . It also really makes you appreciate albums like " Sgt . Pepper 's " and " Dark Side of the Moon " . There was one point in the night that I was so high that if I closed my eyes , I literally felt like I left my body . I was in this trance and it was cool . Although , I always snapped out of it in fear of not being able to come back . I don 't know , it 's hard to explain . I have just never experienced that before in my life . I do know this , that last night I wasn 't depressed or had any sad thoughts . I was happy and to me that is the most important thing in someone 's life : happiness . I guess the point I 'm trying to make is what 's the difference between smoking weed or taking an anti - depressant for example ? If you 're not driving or going anywhere and the illegal " medicine " works " better " then I say fuck it and take a hit from a bong . Disagree if you want , but I think it 's a valid point . Yesterday was the 40th anniversary of the start of one of the greatest concerts of all time , the Monterey Pop Festival . I just got finished watching this VH1 documentary on the event and it really blows my mind . I highly recommend watching it . I believe it was called Monterey at 40 . Few people realize how bad I want to go back in time and live in the 1960s . It is just a time period that I don 't think can be topped . Peace , love , and music . Oh , and don 't forget drugs . And nobody ever thought I would post three times in one day . Ha ! Anyway , I just got a call from some youth agency for an assistant job . Definitely not a long term venture , but it might be a good place to start . I will just have to wait and see on Monday . It might some surprising to someone outside of the business , but any agency experience is usually good experience on a resume . Maybe the third interview will be the charm . I went on another interview today . This one was at Principal Entertainment . Although , the place seemed cool in the beginning , I really wasn 't feeling it during the interview . They give two weeks vacation , but don 't want you to take any time off during the first year . Of course , that would mean I would not be able to go back home during the summer or during the Boston Film Festival ( pending if the film is finished and accepted ) . I probably wrote this yesterday , but I am extremely discouraged at this process . I know it might sound stupid , but I really thought it would be easier . I had two internships and graduated from a good film school with honors . Still , I am striking out and slowly losing hope . I have been thinking about going home now for a week , then coming back and regrouping myself . It might give me time to relax , but it will also make me lose a week of possible interviews if I happen to get any calls . I don 't know what I am going to do . I guess you could say I am a little clueless right now . I posted this in my other journal / blog , so I figure I will post it here , too . THE TOP 10 MOMENTS OF COLLEGE10 . Breaking into the Hammond Building - Fitchburg State ( Freshman Year ) I usually consider my first year in college to be the lost year in my life , but I will say it did have one defining moment . With my two friends , Adam and Brian , we managed to break into the Hammond Building , which was the main building on campus . Why ? I really don 't know . I guess we were really bored and spent a couple hours walking around the deserted and dark building . Then , of course we decided to throw away all the newspapers , which resulted in Brian 's famous phrase , " I fucked The Point " ( FSC 's campus newspaper ) . Not sure what ever happened to those two guys , but that was a fun night . 9 . The Rise and Fall of The Movers - Chapman ( Junior Year ) Do I really need to explain this ? " The Movers " saga is long and frustrating to everyone involved . From the pitch in November to the all nighter and the horrible shoot in January to the embarassing premiere in May , this film was something we all want to forget , but it is impossible . And you might wonder how big it was in the film school ? Well , people still talked about that movie getting fucked up well over a year after we shot it . I really think that film has entered Chapman folklore of huge disappointments . 8 . Fourth of July Weekend 2006 - Chapman ( Senior Year ) Last summer had a fair share of classic moments , but the first one on this list is the long weekend of the fourth . We basically spent the entire three day weekend drinking alcohol . That weekend made me realize how good last summer really was . We had no worries and it felt damn good . 7 . Notice of Foreclosure - Chapman ( Senior Year ) We were shooting " I Saved the World from Global Warming " when some Asian lady tells us we have been conned . The Monroe house was too good to be true and we were extremely worried . I actually was so nervous in the beginning that I thought my life was in danger . No joke . Two good things did come out of this . One was thaPosted by After roughly a little over a week , the apartment / townhouse / residence finally got hooked up with the internet . I guess you could say it has been a poor excuse not to write anything in a while , but what can you do ? I will say that the job search has been rough the last couple weeks . I have been getting sporadic phone calls for interviews . I had an interview with 3 Arts Entertainment , which didn 't work out . I even took this stupid aptitude test for manager / scientologist Joel Stevens and apparently my " IQ " and " aptitude " was not good enough . No wonder the guy is a scientologist . I am applying to be an assistant not a fucking rocket scientist . Tomorrow I have another interview with Principal Entertainment , so we will have to wait and see . I even shaved my beard for this one , so I mean business . Another quick note about this place . I do like it , though I still wish I was closer to LA . Depending on where I work this could be another " short " one year stay . I will say though that I am really happy with how my room turned out . Considering the walls are white , I think I did a good job putting various stuff up . Maybe , I should apply to be an interior designer rather than an assistant ? I might have more luck landing a job . I moved to Glendale yesterday . Goodbye Orange County ! Also , goodbye Monroe House ! What a mess that turned out to be , but I really think it worked out in the end . The new place is nice for now . I wish it was a little closer to LA , but it will do . It is also difficult to complain now that I have my own room , which feels good . Sharing a room was fun , but it gets old after a while . Believe me when I say I have lived with every type of person while in college . I have experienced both extremes between my time in Fitchburg and Chapman . The worst part about moving though is no internet or cable for a couple days . It is a pain in the ass , but I guess it gives me time to move , organize , and maybe read . I puked my brains out last night and it wasn 't even my 21st birthday . Still , my friends ( Brian , Dres , Julian , Kyle , Max , Nolan , and Sean ) took me out to the Yard House to drink for my birthday . The Yard House is famous for having over 150 beers on tap . I drank three beers plus I had a double shot of three wise men and a blowjob shot . I realized last night that I really hate hard alcohol . I am shaking right now as I write about it . The thought of drinking the three wise men makes me sick . Thank God you only have a birthday once a year where I have to succumb to the lows of hard alcohol and the puking that follows . Don 't know who to pick to win the Oscars ? Have no fear , Mikey Filmmaker is here to help you . Click HERE for his latest picks and analysis .
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This Chris Benoit double murder / suicide is just beginning . I stated in my previous issue about this subject , that this is easily the biggest story since Owen Hart and I am starting to believe it will be even bigger . It 's really a nightmare for a wrestling fan . This story is shedding such bad light on the " sport . " It somewhat irrates me that uneducated people are writing about this and are extremely biased against wrestling . Yeah , it has a lot of bad things about it , but let 's wait to hear the whole story . We all know the guy went crazy , but we still have no idea what the cause really was . It gets harder and harder to look at Chris Benoit as this story progresses . I read today that he possibly used the crippler crossface ( his finishing move ) on his son to kill him . That 's fucked up , period . It shows that this guy was simply not mentally stable at the time . Any professional wrestler knows that you don 't try moves on people and kids it 's even worse . Some people might not believe this , but some wrestling moves really do hurt and are dangerous . There 's a reason why they put a disclaimer saying , " Don 't try this at home . " I never really liked Benoit that much . I did think he was a damn good wrestler though . One of the best matches I ever saw live was Benoit vs . WWE Champion , Kurt Angle at the 2003 Royal Rumble in Boston . Chris lost the match , but the Fleet Center gave him a standing ovation . It was actually a really nice moment . People respected this guy and wanted him to win the title ( He won it a year later at WrestleMania XX . ) . A little more than four years later , he would be lucky to get anyone to clap sitting down . His career now has a huge black cloud over it . DVDs with his matches are being pulled off the shelf and your only hope to watch some of his classics , will be probably be bootlegs on ebay . Although , I will say that it will be tough to watch one of his matches without thinking of what happened to the guy . I think any time someone dies prematurely , regardless of cause , you always look at them differently . At lPosted by I have no idea who posted it , but someone finally commented on my blog . I know that 's not saying that much , but I guess you have to start somewhere . Anyway , keep the comments coming people . I want to make sure I 'm not writing this to no one . Paul McCartney just released an official youtube . com video ( There are also countless other amateur ones . ) of his performance the other night at Amoeba . I watched it and literally must have missed the camera a handful of times by very little . They have a shot of Woody Harrelson and one of Ringo . Both of them I was cut off . Then , they even took a long tracking shot down the line outside the store and they cut out right before my section . I just thought it was too funny because I might get someone thinking I made up the fact I was right behind the VIPs during the show . I really don 't care . I know I was there and I have proof . Apparently , the I was not camera friendly enough . 5 . Eric Clapton , The Fleet Center ( renamed TD BankNorth Garden ) , Boston , MA , June 11 , 2001Unlike his show in 2006 , this one satisfied all the fans . He played great guitar riffs while still playing well known hits . This was also the second concert I ever went to ( I saw U2 , three days earlier at the same venue ) . Clapton was at his best and you really saw why he is the greatest guitarist alive today . Hell , Billy Preston ( Known for his work with The Beatles ) even played that night with him . He also played an accoustic and electric set . Of course , I will always remember this show for the simple reason of marijuana . I didn 't know what is smelled like and I asked my Dad how he knew . He just said , " You know . " Many years later , I agree . 4 . Jack 's First Show , Verizon Wireless Ampitheatre , Irvine , CA , August 19 , 2006I honestly never thought this would be that great of a concert , but it surpassed my expectations . The acts were not amazing , but as a collective unit were damn good . The Violent Femmes , Cheap Trick , Billy Idol , Journey , and Def Leppard were on the bill . Not as crazy as the Amoeba show , but it was a long day , so you really got to know your neighbors . I met some interesting characters to say the least . We formed a bond as the night progressed . This concert also really got me much more into every band , which I think states how good of a show it really was . 3 . Paul McCartney , Arrowhead Pond ( renamed Honda Center ) , Anaheim , CA , November 11 , 2005It was the second time I saw Paul . It was a different venue and I saw it alone . I guess those were the first two factors why the 2002 show was better . To really compare the set lists would be pointless . There are always going to be minor changes , but Paul is great for always playing the hits . This was still a great show and a simple joy to see one of the true living legends of music . 2 . Paul McCartney , Fleet Center , ( renamed TD BankNorth Garden ) , Boston , MA , October 1 , 2002I debated kicking this out of the top spot . I really did . It was my first time seeing Paul . I sat in the lasPosted by Here is the second and final part of my adventure for Paul McCartney tickets at Amoeba . Enjoy . . . 11 : 27 a . m . : Julian drops me off at Amoeba for round two . A lot of people are already here . There is also a ton of people across the street who didn 't get cards yesterday . Suckers . If I didn 't like Paul that much I could easily sell my card for a couple hundred bucks . There is also a huge McCartney chair banner on the side of the building . It should be a very long and interesting day . 11 : 46 a . m . : More people are here . There 's a couple media trucks . They also keep moving us in an attempt to keep everyone in a single file . It 's getting a little crazy . 11 : 57 a . m . : They moved us again . Make up your damn minds . Also , the Mexican group parked right in front of me . Someone needs to tell them Paul is playing , not some rap bullshit . 12 : 02 p . m . : Some kids walk past me with Paul McCartney at Amoeba posters . They tell me I have to buy the album to get one . That 's bullshit . 12 : 30 p . m . : Alright , let 's start handing out some bracelets . 12 : 31 p . m . : If I wasn 't afraid of getting shot , I would attempt to strangle the Mexicans . Turn off the fucking rap . At least Sadrac ( my neighbor ) is playing some Beatles music on his little amp . 1 : 00 p . m . : Yes , I got my bracelet . 1 : 08 p . m . : I bought Memory Almost Full again , so I could get a really cool poster . I had to do it . Everything else was free , so what the fuck . 1 : 22 p . m . : I start talking to this Greenpeace girl about " I Saved the World from Global Warming . " It 's a bad pickup line , but kinda worked . She told me I should bring the film into the offices . 1 : 25 p . m . : The crazy British guy starts rambling to some camera man about The Beatles . You gotta love it . 1 : 40 p . m . : Amoeba keeps moving us , up and down the line . It 's getting crazy over here . TV and radio trucks are here . Where did the Mexicans go ? Maybe someone caught them smoking and drinking in public . 2 : 00 p . m . : 4 1 / 2 hours til the doors open . I think I 'm going to get something to eat . I 'm getting hungry . 2 : 05 p . m . : Apparently , you can leave as long as yPosted by I had an interview with Outlaw Productions today that I want to forget and remember at the same time . Let me just say that Luke Sandler is a fucking asshole . If I see him in the street getting raped in the ass by two big black men and screaming with his lame British accent , I am simply going to let him suffer . I don 't care if you choose not to hire me . It happens , not everyone is suited for every job . I know you can 't get every job , but it 's called class . There I am in the interview and he abruptly cuts me off , says he 's not going to hire me , and doesn 't want me to waste any more of his time . I just sat there a little shocked and confused . Then , quietly left the office upset that I wasted my time coming to the interview . You can at least let me finish and decide not to call me back . Seriously , what the fuck ? I got to Kopelson today and told David about it . And he was like , " Yeah . Luke is a prick . " I have no problem agreeing with him . The Celtics traded for Ray Allen tonight . Very interesting deal , but I actually like it . They still have their young core players and added a veteran . Still , I don 't see them competing for the championship . I do think they can make the playoffs and once you get into the playoffs anything goes . It should be interesting what happens in the coming months . Let 's just hope Danny and Doc don 't try to do anything stupid . My life has been full of journeys , lately . Tomorrow , I will mail my submission to the Boston Film Festival . Let 's cross our fingers and hope I 'll get accepted . There should be plenty more to come . I will continue to keep you informed . I watched that Beatles " reunion " on Larry King Live tonight . Talk about a joke . They made a big deal about something that was nothing . I will probably write this word a bunch of times in this post , but it was a joke . King asked horrible questions and it looked like all four of them were very uncomfortable . First of all , the word " reunion " doesn 't make any sense . The last chance for a Beatle reunion ended on the night of December 8 , 1980 when John Lennon was shot four times in front of his apartment . Anyone with half a brain knows that . Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison are and never will be Beatles , so get over it . Just lose the word , plain and simple . My favorite moment of the hour broadcast was when King indirectly asked about McCartney 's divorce . Paul responded he doesn 't talk about it and thanks for bringing it up . I just thought exchange summed up the whole interview . Plus , Larry King was asking dumb and obvious questions that a true Beatles fan already knows the answer to . " Did you know you would be as big as you were " questions have been asked a million times . Or even " Do you still play for the money " questions , which is just as bad . Overall , I thought it was horrible and it was lame . It got to the point when Paul and Ringo were making fun of Larry King , which I thought was funny . So if you missed the interview and were disappointed . Don 't worry . You didn 't miss anything other than a big joke on the part of CNN and Larry King Live . Here you go . I took various notes throughout the day for what would only be the first half of my journey to see Paul McCartney . I wrote this stuff as I went along , so it is damn authentic . Hope you enjoy . I will post part 2 probably on Thursday . 7 : 45 a . m . : I have arrived at Amoeba . A lot of people are sleeping in sleeping bags or chairs . There is probably only 160 people here . I introduce myself to my " neighbor " for the next 36 hours , Trini , and her daughter , Krissy ( probably around 10 - 12 ) . Let the games begin . 8 : 25 a . m . : Next person arrives , Sadrac . He 's going to be a senior in high school . Apparently , he just found out about the show and took a bus down . What 's up with these names ? Is it Hollywood or McCartney fans ? 8 : 45 a . m . : Someone from Amoeba ( she has an Amoeba t - shirt on ) tells us to move closer to the building . I don 't know if I will ever buy it , but I want one of those t - shirts to remember this . 9 : 00 a . m . : Part of me doesn 't really care now , but I could have easily slept a couple more hours at the apartment . Only one person has arrived after me . 9 : 10 a . m . : A big group of Mexicans ( couple adults , teens , and younger couple ) arrive . Not going to lie , not what you consider to be diehard Beatle / McCartney fans . Wait a second , the younger couple are making out right next to me . Who would have thought I could watch the making of a softcore porno while waiting in line . That reminds me , where are all the hot girls ? I 'm the only good looking person in their 20s in line . 9 : 15 a . m . : Sadrac is eating some Jack in the Box . I think I might embark on a " Super Size Me " diet only subsitute McDonald 's with Jack . 9 : 20 a . m . : The Mexicans busted out the pot . I am all for smoking , but there 's a time ( it 's 9 : 20 , chicos ) and a place ( not on the fucking side of the road in Hollywood ) . I hate to sound racist , but I hope a cop drives by right now . 9 : 40 a . m . : Some lady just gave me ( un ) officially number 162 . I better get in . 10 : 00 a . m . : ABC 7 camera man starts filming the line of people . I 'm sure this is just the beginning of media coverage . 1Posted by The details still need to be discovered , but I really want to write something about this topic . Being a huge wrestling fan , it 's hard not to think about the Chris Benoit situation and where it will leave pro wrestling . Really , it is scary for everyone involved since this is easily the biggest real life story coming out of pro wrestling since Owen Hart 's death in May 1999 . First , let 's look at why steroids have become such a big part of the business . It really started in the 1980s with the rise of the Immortal , Hulk Hogan . No wrestler was ever more popular and Vince McMahon and the WWF ( renamed WWE for the uneducated wrestling fans ) decided to go in that direction . They wanted bigger and stronger wrestlers . If you look at some of the biggest wrestlers in that period , they were huge . Then , they had this big lawsuit in the early 1990s , which killed that movement . They quickly shifted gears to smaller , more technical wrestlers like Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels . Then , around the Attitude Era in the late 1990s , it slowly started to shift again . The market wanted nicer and muscular bodies . Plus , let 's face it , pro wrestling easily has the most grueling schedule of any sport ( Yes , I am going to call it a sport to simplify this post ) . They wrestle easily over 250 dates a year . Some even more . To put it bluntly , pain kilers and steroids were and are used by many . The 2000s have been a horrible decade for wrestler deaths . Many have died " young " in their 40s . I am not even going to attempt to list them all since it would be ridiculous . This might sound crazy , but I don 't completely blame the WWE for this . If anyone is to blame , it is the entire sport of pro wrestling . A lot of these deaths , come from wrestlers who were wrestling in the indie circuit ( Previous wrestlers in WWE , WCW , and ECW who can 't find work in the WWE or TNA ) and just trying to get by with the bare minimum . Basically , the WWE have screwed themselves big time . Recently , they implemented a drug policy in the company , which has been effective in a sense . They AREPosted by I will post a more detailed post later in the day , but obviously I 'm back from waiting in line . Amoeba decided to let people go home since there was about 300 people there at noon . I was number 162 in line and yes , I did get a ticket . I just have to be back by noon tomorrow and I will receive my bracelet . Maybe , it 's not as cool as camping out the for a night , but still by the time it 's over , I will have been sitting outside Amoeba for roughly 14 hours or so . I 'll add more later . You ever watch those movies when you were a kid and there was always this character who became a " legend " by doing something never seen before ? You know like Fisher flying in " Radio Flyer " or Benny " The Jet " Rodriguez getting in a pickle with Hercules in " The Sandlot " . Well , I am about to embark on my moment . Why and how , you might ask ? I 've realized that sometimes you have to do something so fucking crazy that even your kids and grandkids thought you were cool when you were young . I 'm getting ready to write my story . Yes , I am getting ready to camp out for 40 hours in an attempt to see Paul McCartney play live at Amoeba Music in Hollywood . Crazy ? Yes . Genius ? Yes . I 've been waiting for this moment in my life . It 's my time to go into the record books and become a legend . I will be blogging throughout the entire trip . When I return to a computer , I will post you all the details . So , if you got nothing better to do , then stop by and say hello or wish my luck . Hahaha . This should be interesting . Today one of the best technical wrestlers in the business , Chris Benoit , died along with his wife and son . I plan to write more on this as more details become available . My thoughts go out to his family . Benoit was one of the best and will truly be missed by all . I just got word from my Dad and later confirmed from an email from PaulMcCartney . com that he will be playing a " secret " gig at Amoeba music in LA on Wednesday . I was all excited at first since this would be a cool show to see for a number of reasons . I 've seen him twice , but I could never get tired of seeing him perform . I decided to call Amoeba shortly after I heard the news ( 5 : 45 p . m . Pacific Time ) and the lady told me already 40 people lined up . Are you kidding me ? The show is not until 7 : 30 p . m . on Wednesday ! Basically , I am going to have to camp out for close to 24 hours to even have a legit shot . They will start handing bracelets out at 12 : 30 p . m . on Wednesday . So , here is my plan . I 'm going to leave Kopelson at 1 : 00 p . m . tomorrow in an attempt to pull this off . I will basically wait in line for 24 hours and hope I get a bracelet . Still , I am going to call Amoeba before I leave to see if it is even worth it . The girl on the phone told me that they plan to let in about 400 people . I guess it 's moments like these that determine who the true fans are . I guess unemployment has its benefits . Cheers ! So , now that The Police ( previously number five ) have been taken off the list , let 's see who is left on this almighty list . Unfortunately , most of these acts no longer exist or the musician is no longer alive , but it 's fun to think what if . 10 . Elvis Presley9 . Janis Joplin8 . Cream7 . Queen6 . The Who ( with Moon and Entwistle ) 5 . Pink Floyd4 . Led Zeppelin3 . The Doors2 . Jimi Hendrix1 . The Beatles At least my ears have stopped ringing . A day after I saw The Police at Dodger Stadium , I 'm still trying to figure out where to rate the show . I wrote yesterday that I was nervous , but I think I might have overreacted . I had a couple issues with the show , but overall I would give it a thumbs up . Still , it hurts to do it after spending a little over $ 150 on the ticket and souvenirs ( Yes , a t - shirt and program are essential in my opinion . Disagree if you want . ) . Was this the best concert I 've ever seen ? No , but it was good . The Police were in the coveted top five bands I always wanted to see live and last night I lived my dream . I think a lot of people did . Their last tour was 1984 , so anyone under 23 and actually probably under 35 never had a legit chance to see them play before . Whether they will admit it or not , The Police are a nostalgia act . So , my first big complaint will surface and that 's play the fucking hits and play them like you recorded them . I don 't want to hear a slowed down version of " Don 't Stand So Close to Me " or " Roxanne " . I 'm sorry , but I want to hear the version that I hear when I turn on the radio . I also still thought the band sounded a little off at times . Ocassionally , you could hear a fuck up and it was almost as they knew it , too . What makes them good is the fact that it doesn 't bother them and they keep on playing . Plus , people didn 't really care since they were just having a good time . I will say what also helped make this show good was the fact that not only Fiction Plane opened , but Foo Fighters played for an hour too . Fiction Plane was mediocre at best . Foo Fighters really got the crowd going and I was highly impressed . Hell , Dave Grohl even jumped into the crowd , started to run around , and plowed people over in the process . It was a classic moment and I can just remember thinking that this is what a concert is all about . After Foo Fighters finished , The Police came on about half an hour later . Stewart Copeland banged a gong and you could start to smelling marijuana as they opened with " Posted by The countdown to The Police concert has begun . I 'm going to the show tonight in Dodger Stadium . I 've been waiting for this show for a long time , so I have high expectations . Although , I 'm not going to lie when I say I 'm a little nervous . I 've been reading reviews for their concerts and especially their concerts in southern California ( Wednesday at Staples Center and Thursday at Honda Center ) . Both shows were disappointments . I 'm really hoping they read the newspapers and step up to the plate . Opening are Fiction Plane and the Foo Fighters , so hopefully they can get the audience going early . I 'll give you a detailed report when I get back tonight and let you know the verdict of the show . I spent a little over three hours doing a sound mix for " Sweet Pea " today with Josh , Sean , and Tim . Even though it was a long day , I am very happy with it . I think it sounds great . It turned out much better than I ever imagined . The score is just damn good . Josh just wrote some great sounding music and Tim was great today in the mixing room . He heard some shit and made some suggestions , I would have never thought of . Then , you listen with the changes and it 's like , " Wow , that sounds so much better . " After today , we are just left with some synching issues that we hope to take care of on Monday , then we will get it ready for a last minute submission to the Boston Film Festival . It would be an understatement to say how excited I am over the prospects of the BFF . I really , really , really want to premiere the movie in Beantown this September . It might sound crazy , but I actually do not want to premiere it anywhere else in the world and that includes Cannes , Venice , Berlin , and Sundance . Growing up in a city twenty miles north ( Peabody ) of Boston , it would be a dream to premiere there . Plus , it 's a great story . I can see it now , " Hometown Hero Premieres Film to Rave Reviews ! " I made a promise to myself when I came out to California almost three years ago that I would return to Massachusetts with a film . Now , I just have to close the deal . Believe me , I will keep you updated when I find out more details . It 's a very exciting time for me . A couple years ago Boston was once again on top of the sports world . With three championships from February 2004 to February 2005 , life was good to be a Boston sports fan . Now , a little over two years later , things could be much better . Even though , two organizations ( Pats and Sox ) are still damn good , the other two just simply stink . Actually , they suck and it hurts to write that . People fail to realize / remember that for the majority of time during the history of Boston sports those two stinky / sucky / shitty teams were " the teams " . For those who have no idea what I 'm talking about , it 's the B 's and Celts . The Bruins were probably the most popular team in Boston in the 1970s and were damn good in the 30s and 40s . Hell , the 80s and early 90s they were even extremely popular . I know since my Dad had season tickets at the old Boston Garden . They even made the playoffs 29 straight years , which is the North American major sports record for consecutive playoff appearances . The Bruins were fun to watch and they had extremely likable players such as Orr , Esposito , Bucyk , O ' Reilly , Neely , and Bourque to name just a few . Unfortunately , in the late 1990s to present , they fail to even come up in conversation when talking about Boston sports . They are barely a shadow of their former selves . Why ? Horrible management and losing . Hockey is a great sport to watch , yet no one cares to go to the games and NHL ratings are down , period . It 's sad , but the Bruins are nothing in Boston . Today , they hired their third coach in the last year . And the last time they made the playoffs was before the lockout when they were upset in the first round . Claude Julien wants the players to be more gritty . Okay , but last time I checked that doesn 't win every game . The Bruins need some fucking talent . I want to see them raise the Cup in my lifetime , yet they fail to realize you have to make moves to win . Their current crop of players is medoicre at best . Their captain is an overrated and oversized goofball defenseman . And their best offensive player would Posted by I had a really good conversation with the VP of Development , Ryan Engle , yesterday at Kopelson . I like to call it eye opening . It really got me thinking to be quite honest . He was talking to me about my career and future and how to suceed in this business . He gave me some really good pointers that I won 't be forgetting anytime soon . I thought it was really interesting that he said as an assistant you are going to film school . If you just go home and complain about it , then you will fail . You have to go home and read scripts , write notes , coverage , live and breath this business . Everything you do is a learning experience . You should constantly learn from your boss and if you 're not learning , then go somewhere else . He used the term " film school " in the real world and I thought it was really interesting . It was almost like who cares where you got your bachelor 's degree . Film school really starts now . It starts in the real world . I thought it was an amazing perspective since few people actually think that . It 's true though and when you look at Ryan and see what he has accomplished it is really hard to argue against his philosophy . Agree or disagree if you want , but I think he made some valid points that should not be overlooked . I was going to write about this last night , but I never got the chance . I went shopping at this store in the Century City mall , Veni Vidi Vici , which is a European clothing store . They had this deal of 3 items for 99 dollars . I figured it was a good deal considering the retail value of all the clothes in their is roughly 80 dollars each . Anyway , I go in there and start looking around . The sales rep starts talking to me and asks if I smoke . I replied that I had no cigarettes on me , which he then replied that he meant kush ( marijuana for all you " stupid " readers ) . I was a little confused and politely rejected since I really don 't like buying off people I have never met before in my life . So we keep talking and he tells me how he is a member of the cannabis club ( medical marijuana term in California ) and how it helps him battle his former cocaine addiction . Then , he asks if I wanted a hit . Now , remember I am at a store in the mall . Okay , so the guy is by himself , but still I couldn 't believe it . Once again , I politely rejected the offer since I still had to drive to Glendale . I decided I wanted to try on a pair of pants , so I am shown to the back by this guy . He then tells me while I try on the pants , he is going to take a hit . There I am trying on these jeans while the sales rep is taking a hit off a bong . Finally , I decide to make my purchase and buy the clothes off this stoned guy . He starts ringing the clothes and has me sign the credit card receipt . As I sign , I notice that the receipt is only for roughly 70 dollars which is much less than I anticipated . I proceed to quietly sign the receipt and quickly leave the store . The guy was apparently so stoned that he forgot to ring in one of the items and I had one hell of a deal . Now , maybe I am going to hell because of it , but that 's their fault . I am not against marijuana , but you have to smoke wisely and not on a job . You get what you ask for . The guy told me that he just started two weeks ago and at this rate he will be lucky if he survives two more . It 's official . I succesfully applied for a California license today . After taking a written test , I will have my new ID in a couple of weeks . I was just getting sick of having an out of state ID . Plus , if I am going to be living out here , it is really pointless not to have one . It is really a matter of time , so why not just get it now ? I will say that the written test is actually hard . Well , at least to me it is . They ask you questions that 9 out of 10 drivers would probably get wrong if asked on the spot . A lot of it is information or actions you don 't ever really think about . Still , it is very passable , but without prior driving knowledge or studying , the average person will probably fail . I realized something today . After going on yet another interview , I came to the conclusion that it is like an artform . Okay , maybe that is a little over the top , but seriously . It 's like dating . You laugh at stuff that isn 't funny and you try to bullshit your way around just enough so you can get into your interviewer 's pants ( also known as a job ) . Not everyone is good at interviewing . Honestly , I feel like every interview I get better and better . In a way , I wish I could do my interview with 3 Arts Entertainment again for the simple reason that I could do much better . The unfortunate part is that is not going to happen , so I might as well just move on to the next company . I had my interview today with Amsel , Einsenstadt , and Frazier , which is a small boutique agency in LA . I applied for this job working in the youth division as an assistant to two agents . Besides the shitty pay ( 400 a week , which seems to be the entry level standard ) and the prospects of a one year commitment , I actually really liked the place . I felt good talking to both agents ( Nicole and Milton ) and I think that is really important . I had a much different feeling compared to my previous interview with Principal Entertainment . All I do know is that whenever I end up has to realize that I might be leaving for a week in September for the Boston Film Festival pending Sweet Pea 's acceptance . I can 't pass up that opportunity and they will just have to realize that . I got high last night for the first time in a while . It was probably the best high I 've had in some time , too . I have been laying low with drugs the past few months after a couple bad trips , but last night gave me some renewed faith . I still don 't consider myself a drug addict in any way , but it is a great feeling in moderation I do believe . It also really makes you appreciate albums like " Sgt . Pepper 's " and " Dark Side of the Moon " . There was one point in the night that I was so high that if I closed my eyes , I literally felt like I left my body . I was in this trance and it was cool . Although , I always snapped out of it in fear of not being able to come back . I don 't know , it 's hard to explain . I have just never experienced that before in my life . I do know this , that last night I wasn 't depressed or had any sad thoughts . I was happy and to me that is the most important thing in someone 's life : happiness . I guess the point I 'm trying to make is what 's the difference between smoking weed or taking an anti - depressant for example ? If you 're not driving or going anywhere and the illegal " medicine " works " better " then I say fuck it and take a hit from a bong . Disagree if you want , but I think it 's a valid point . Yesterday was the 40th anniversary of the start of one of the greatest concerts of all time , the Monterey Pop Festival . I just got finished watching this VH1 documentary on the event and it really blows my mind . I highly recommend watching it . I believe it was called Monterey at 40 . Few people realize how bad I want to go back in time and live in the 1960s . It is just a time period that I don 't think can be topped . Peace , love , and music . Oh , and don 't forget drugs . And nobody ever thought I would post three times in one day . Ha ! Anyway , I just got a call from some youth agency for an assistant job . Definitely not a long term venture , but it might be a good place to start . I will just have to wait and see on Monday . It might some surprising to someone outside of the business , but any agency experience is usually good experience on a resume . Maybe the third interview will be the charm . I went on another interview today . This one was at Principal Entertainment . Although , the place seemed cool in the beginning , I really wasn 't feeling it during the interview . They give two weeks vacation , but don 't want you to take any time off during the first year . Of course , that would mean I would not be able to go back home during the summer or during the Boston Film Festival ( pending if the film is finished and accepted ) . I probably wrote this yesterday , but I am extremely discouraged at this process . I know it might sound stupid , but I really thought it would be easier . I had two internships and graduated from a good film school with honors . Still , I am striking out and slowly losing hope . I have been thinking about going home now for a week , then coming back and regrouping myself . It might give me time to relax , but it will also make me lose a week of possible interviews if I happen to get any calls . I don 't know what I am going to do . I guess you could say I am a little clueless right now . I posted this in my other journal / blog , so I figure I will post it here , too . THE TOP 10 MOMENTS OF COLLEGE10 . Breaking into the Hammond Building - Fitchburg State ( Freshman Year ) I usually consider my first year in college to be the lost year in my life , but I will say it did have one defining moment . With my two friends , Adam and Brian , we managed to break into the Hammond Building , which was the main building on campus . Why ? I really don 't know . I guess we were really bored and spent a couple hours walking around the deserted and dark building . Then , of course we decided to throw away all the newspapers , which resulted in Brian 's famous phrase , " I fucked The Point " ( FSC 's campus newspaper ) . Not sure what ever happened to those two guys , but that was a fun night . 9 . The Rise and Fall of The Movers - Chapman ( Junior Year ) Do I really need to explain this ? " The Movers " saga is long and frustrating to everyone involved . From the pitch in November to the all nighter and the horrible shoot in January to the embarassing premiere in May , this film was something we all want to forget , but it is impossible . And you might wonder how big it was in the film school ? Well , people still talked about that movie getting fucked up well over a year after we shot it . I really think that film has entered Chapman folklore of huge disappointments . 8 . Fourth of July Weekend 2006 - Chapman ( Senior Year ) Last summer had a fair share of classic moments , but the first one on this list is the long weekend of the fourth . We basically spent the entire three day weekend drinking alcohol . That weekend made me realize how good last summer really was . We had no worries and it felt damn good . 7 . Notice of Foreclosure - Chapman ( Senior Year ) We were shooting " I Saved the World from Global Warming " when some Asian lady tells us we have been conned . The Monroe house was too good to be true and we were extremely worried . I actually was so nervous in the beginning that I thought my life was in danger . No joke . Two good things did come out of this . One was thaPosted by After roughly a little over a week , the apartment / townhouse / residence finally got hooked up with the internet . I guess you could say it has been a poor excuse not to write anything in a while , but what can you do ? I will say that the job search has been rough the last couple weeks . I have been getting sporadic phone calls for interviews . I had an interview with 3 Arts Entertainment , which didn 't work out . I even took this stupid aptitude test for manager / scientologist Joel Stevens and apparently my " IQ " and " aptitude " was not good enough . No wonder the guy is a scientologist . I am applying to be an assistant not a fucking rocket scientist . Tomorrow I have another interview with Principal Entertainment , so we will have to wait and see . I even shaved my beard for this one , so I mean business . Another quick note about this place . I do like it , though I still wish I was closer to LA . Depending on where I work this could be another " short " one year stay . I will say though that I am really happy with how my room turned out . Considering the walls are white , I think I did a good job putting various stuff up . Maybe , I should apply to be an interior designer rather than an assistant ? I might have more luck landing a job . I moved to Glendale yesterday . Goodbye Orange County ! Also , goodbye Monroe House ! What a mess that turned out to be , but I really think it worked out in the end . The new place is nice for now . I wish it was a little closer to LA , but it will do . It is also difficult to complain now that I have my own room , which feels good . Sharing a room was fun , but it gets old after a while . Believe me when I say I have lived with every type of person while in college . I have experienced both extremes between my time in Fitchburg and Chapman . The worst part about moving though is no internet or cable for a couple days . It is a pain in the ass , but I guess it gives me time to move , organize , and maybe read . I puked my brains out last night and it wasn 't even my 21st birthday . Still , my friends ( Brian , Dres , Julian , Kyle , Max , Nolan , and Sean ) took me out to the Yard House to drink for my birthday . The Yard House is famous for having over 150 beers on tap . I drank three beers plus I had a double shot of three wise men and a blowjob shot . I realized last night that I really hate hard alcohol . I am shaking right now as I write about it . The thought of drinking the three wise men makes me sick . Thank God you only have a birthday once a year where I have to succumb to the lows of hard alcohol and the puking that follows . Don 't know who to pick to win the Oscars ? Have no fear , Mikey Filmmaker is here to help you . Click HERE for his latest picks and analysis .
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think it could have ended a little bit earlier , by about 10 or 15 minutes . Not that I thought it was " too long . " Yes , it was quite a long movie , but I 'll refrain from saying why I believe it could have had a scene or two cut . ( How can a movie on this subject have a spoiler problem ? But still . ) Also , ( an I knew this would happen , always does in Spielberg movies ) it should be toned down in the 1 - 2 instances when the lighting gets all warm & fuzzy during heartfelt scenes . He didn 't do it as much in Lincoln ( or Schindler 's List ) but he still can 't resist . The scenes are fine , but that lighting always reminds me of ET . Neither hurt the movie much , though . Sally Field was great ! I didn 't know who was in it ( or forgot ) besides Daniel Day - Lewis ( who was also great ) . I 'll bet there will be some supporting actor nominations and wins too , or should be anyway . If it doesn 't win almost all Added : Bob is of the opinion Les Mis will take the awards . He may be right . It it more of a Hollywood pleaser . Something I forgot to mention about Lincoln , though : the audience applauded as the credits rolled . Haven 't experienced that very often in movies . Posted by Last night we ate at Hana . I rarely go near Crossgates Mall , but we both get our hair cut in Colonie on Central Avenue ( by a guy who has been our stylist since 1985 when he worked downtown ) so we were kind of in the vicinity . I never would have thought of the place - - not sure I even knew it was there - - but Bob was treating . We eat out a lot , always have . It 's a shared common interest . Both of us ( especially me , but him too sometimes ) like to cook , but it can 't compete with our love for fine dining establishments . Our preferences run to nicer places , patronizing fast food joints only when we are treating the dogs to lunch out . I do have a restaurant tag here , but rarely review places . Usually I only link with a comment of " ate at the wonderful X , a favorite spot , " or something like that . Bob and I have discussed collaborating to write restaurant reviews many times - - years ago , a print guide and more recently , a blog , but have never gotten around to it . This is one time when I feel compelled to whip up a review . The best word I can come up with to describe the experience : Mediocre . First ding , the parking lot was a sheet of ice . There was maybe a teaspoon of salt sprinkled near the door , which - - second ding - - we discovered was locked . There were no signs or directions indicating the entrance was on the other side of the building only . But , Bob drove around after we couldn 't open the door . The parking lot was less slippery near the unlocked door on the other side of the lobby . It 's a big place , almost showy , Bob said it was a steakhouse before becoming a Japanese restaurant . The majority of patrons were in large groups sitting around cooking tables . We sat in what seemed to be the only section for regular tables . The menu is large , maybe 2 / 3 sushi , 1 / 3 other items . Most of our favorite ( shared ) Japanese appetizers were listed , so we chose two : vegetable tempura and chicken karaage . Third ding . The tempura was primarily disks of what I think were potatoes and possibly squash , no carrots , no onions and only one broccoli floret . They weren 't crisp enough and the coating was tasteless . The chicken was exactly like popcorn chicken off a bar food menu . The plum dipping sauce was nothing special . The service overall was hurried but efficient and not unpleasant . We both ordered hibachi chicken . That 's uninspired , but we figured it 's a hibachi place . They come with a two shrimp appetizer each . I told the waiter I was allergic to shrimp , and asked if I could have more vegetables or chicken ( heaven forbid I asked for a spring roll ) and fourth ding , he said they don 't allow substitutions . He acted as if cooking my food away from seafood was doing me a favor . Fifth ding , the dinners came out before we finished the appetizers , and Bob 's was not what he ordered . He told the waiter he 'd ordered hibachi , and the response was sixth ding , 1 ) didn 't you really order teriyaki 2 ) isn 't there a chance you will take it anyway ? The meals themselves were nothing special . They reminded me of Asian food that is sold frozen in the supermarket . Seventh ding . Every so often , the music was interrupted . I cannot remember what it was exactly , but something is vaguely telling me Carly Simon singing " You 're So Vain " was one song . The interruption was the large groups of people reacting , loudly , to the antics at the cooking tables . One or two of the outbursts may have been rounds of Happy Birthday No Copyright Violation Hana Style . Eighth ding . I told Bob it must be a chain . He thinks it is privately owned , but he also thinks it was the target of those ads a few years ago ( or are they still on ? No clue ) . Koto was making fun of inauthentic hibachi table techniques and marketed the Koto experience . I have been there and it is way better than Hana , but I say go to Shogun . No cooking tables at all , oh well . Fabulous food and atmosphere and downtown location The morning of shoveling wasn 't quite as bad as I was anticipating . We got about 5 " of snow overnight , and it didn 't seem to have changed over to rain or mixed so it wasn 't too heavy . The worst part was that the village plowed the road on to the sidewalk ! Then it snowed moderately all day . Round the snow removal task for tonight , bad idea . Only about two more inches has fallen but it is wet and heavy . I did the sidewalk again and the village plow went by at what seemed to be 50 mph and threw filthy road snow on the sidewalk and splashed me . I 'm not sure where the snow came from , as the road is clear . Thanks a lot ! This is the first significant snow since we 've had Rosie . She likes it ! Not like Rudy - - his joyous rolling in snow is a memory that brings a smile , but she wades out in it happily , considering she 's a little tiny and Sam used the opportunity to try out his herding skills on her . I always " sleep on " the grades before entering , so just now I finally finished that task . It 's agonizing - - easily the most disliked task of teaching . Not only the physical exhaustion of the end of semester grading marathon ( last night I got a carpal tunnel brace for my left hand ) , but the sometimes difficult decisions . First , there are the hard cases . How long to wait for the slackers to hand something in . How much to subtract for being soooo late . What to do about the emails appealing for special consideration . And , for the majority , the average and good students , what to do about the borderline A / A - , A - / B + . B + / B , etc . Their anticipation , the happiness generated by rounding up , the disappointment caused by not doing so . My every semester 's end hope that the outcome was expected , or at least that disappointment does not lead to demands for clarification , but rather to resignation and acceptance . Gave Rosie - Posey and Sam Wham two gifts each last night . Posey had to be crated during the opening , of course . Can 't take risks . Fingers crossed - - the question on our minds was " does she know how to open presents ? " Dogs opening Christmas gift is one of those beloved times shared with pets . Sophie 's last gift unwrapping - - last year - - is still the wallpaper on my phone . Anyway , the answer to the question is yes ! But she does not care about toys . The carrot bone was a big hit , though . She was so cute opening it ! And , Sam was thrilled to get both toys . Now it 's off to S ' ville for Christmas . Tomorrow I will upload them to the registrar 's database , but I am essentially done with grading ! YAY . Gave myself a carpal tunnel flare in my left hand in the process , oh well . Who cares , I am done ! Just in time for the start of winter session ( tomorrow ) . Posted by Starting to see a glimmer of daylight . It isn 't that I 'm nearly done . ( I 'm not . ) But I really don 't want to work Monday ( deadline is 11 : 59 PM ) , or the weekend if I can avoid it . I wasn 't sure whether that would be possible , though . But I am cautiously optimistic at this point . I 'm making good progress on grades , but I don 't have the stamina for nonstop marathons any longer . I feel like a zombie after 10 hours . Oh no ! I 've become a slacker . Or too old for this . LOL . I think she would look like the grinch 's dog if she had an antler tied to her head . Isn 't she so incredibly cute ? I think picture posts will have to suffice ( and already have been sufficing ) for a while - - drowning in grading ! Liberty , one of my mother 's horses , died on Thursday . She was a 20 - year - old miniature horse , which is not old for a horse , but she has Cushing 's Disease fore several years and had been having trouble walking , and in pain recently . She was born there , on Independence Day in 1992 . After April , the Morgan who passed away two years ago this month , she was Ma 's favorite . December is a sad month ; Liberty 's mother also passed away in December from Cushing 's . Liberty was spunky as a young horse , and personality - plus for her whole life . Ma says she has gone to heaven to be on a merry - go - ' round up there . RIP Liberty Belle . Family legend is that Bob 's maternal grandfather ( Opa ) has a tree fall in his yard during the depression , and he cut it up and made Christmas wreaths . That started a tradition of wreath making in his family , which eventually expanded to grave blankets , and palm crosses at Easter time . When they were teenagers , it was not unusual for his brother and Bob to make 100 wreaths each per day . His family continues to make them on a much smaller scale , and as you can see , Bob has not lost any of his skills . This is our front door , and this year in particular , it is his tribute to Millie . So much work to do ! Yikes ! Classes end 12 / 11 , student work has to be in from 12 / 13 - 12 / 19 ( I stupidly made an error on a due date and it was too late when I discovered it . . . so the 19th is for final papers in one class , oh well ) . The registrar informed us that grades have to be in 12 / 24 ! How ridiculous . But I did stay on task and make progress today so that 's good . Winter session starts 12 / 21 , and became accessible today - - a competing priority . The life of an adjunct , nonstop teaching ! Yesterday was one of those days with students where you wonder if there is full moon ( I know there wasn 't ) . One student who seems to have a social disorder was particularly rude , or maybe just weird . I know there is an issue and have made an effort to reach out and be inclusive . But I guess that was a waste of time . In my experience , it just makes odd balls dislike you more . Yet I have to keep trying . Anyway , this student could not understand extremely simple economics , and seemed to direct that annoyance at me , personally . The comment was ( sort of directed at me , in the third person ) " why would she make us figure out how much loans we have ? I know how much loans I have . " Putting aside that wasn 't the point of the exercise . . . hello ! I 'm standing right here ! Are you talkin ' to me ? Another emailed a colleague ( a fellow adjunct who caters to students as much or more than I do ) , with BCC to me : " I don 't mean to offend , but I find your communication vague and unhelpful . " Naturally , she was offended ! And hurt . Why don 't people think before hitting " send " or opening their big mouths ? ( It reminded me of this . ) This student will most likely be in my summer class . Is there any way we can advise a different path ? Hmmm . . . " no offense , can you drop ? " Finally , one minute before I had to rush off to class , a student suddenly appeared out of nowhere in my door . I barely knew who the student was , since attendance has been , well , atrocious . Bad in September and October - - missed more than half the classes - - and completely vanished in November and December . The student said nothing , instead handing me a big packet of information . What was it ? Paperwork for me to fill out and deliver to undergraduate studies , approving a late withdrawal , although weeks ago I warned the student about the deadline for withdrawing . ( What choice do I really have , though ? But are you kidding me ? ) We got our tree from the boy scouts on Sunday and put it up , also decorated the porch . We have lights on the tree , but nothing else . I do plan to put ornaments on but I am kind of liking it with only lights ! Faith formation on Monday went pretty well . We lit a candle on the Advent wreath , sang O Come Emmanuel a Capella ( which sounded atrocious - - definitely not singers ! ) , studied the art easel - - this week was a Russian painting from 1863 called " Waiting for Christmas , " read from the Action Bible , and made prayer books . Three kids decided to wrap them as gifts for their mothers . A parent met us in the parking lot and told us how much her son loves our class ! End of semester - - bittersweet ! Happy and sad at the same time . So much work to do . Today I took some time to get organized . It was worthwhile in terms figuring out what I have to do , so I guess I am less overwhelmed . Winter session class has 14 students enrolled , and will become accessible on Friday ( although it doesn 't officially start until the 21st ) . I 'm very excited to be teaching a graduate class this summer ! But I am having to force myself to focus on what I have to do now for fall semester 's end . Also winter session and spring will be here before summer so chill . . . Snow ! Just a coating - - enough to cover the ground , maybe 3 / 4 of an inch . But it looks so pretty ! ( And I am kicking myself for procrastinating on poop patrol yesterday : - ( So happy ! ! My father , Bob , my brother and sister made a trip to Boston today for the post - surgical follow - up . We all know he is doing well , but it is wonderful to have it confirmed by MGH . The best part of all , he does not need radiation ! Just MRI in six months ( and I assume routinely every so often after that ) . I am still on campus . I went to campus center to get something to eat just now , planned to sit in Tim Horton 's and have dinner . Alas , it was closed . So I brought the food back to my office . Couldn 't see myself sitting at a table , everyone appeared to be at least two decades younger than me or even more . How did I ever get thru grad school ? During the day time it isn 't quite as obvious as there are others around who have seen more than eight semesters ! LOL . The low point of the day , a note informing me the suspension was lifted and now I have to work with the student ( from yesterday 's post ) so he can catch up on the work he missed . WTF ? Then , he blew off class anyway . But , who cares ? Nothing can put a damper on this glorious day , not being a " weird lady , " not wishing for maple pecan danish , not slackers in fake fraternities . One of the nine dumb asses from this fake fraternity charged with a crime is in one of my classes . He asked to get into class after it was closed , and I let him in . But of I had to bite my tongue to resist saying , " yes , I know . It 's called a hangover . " He is prohibited from coming to campus or having any contact with me pending a hearing . The university does not usually get involved in off - campus crime , but hazing is a specific violation . These are not kids , despite the stunning immaturity and seriously bad judgment . We cut 20 - somethings far too much slack , we make far too many excuses , and we extend childhood for far too long . These are men ! Pathetic men , yes , but men just the same . What 's most alarming to me is not really the astonishingly sick behavior of the nine perpetrators , shocking and appalling as that may be . There are surely a - holes in this world of all ages , and I run across them from time to time . But the fake pledges , those 18 - year - old victims . Are they so desperate for acceptance , so lacking in confidence that they were willing to submit to this ? Did they not have the common sense to know it was dangerous , that they might even be hurt or killed ? What is wrong with them ? And if they are so weak , why are they not still at home in their childhood bedrooms , watched over by helicopter parents ? Thanksgiving was very nice , as was the weekend overall . The pie was not perfect , by my standards - - too much liquid and a touch too sweet . Everyone else disagreed , but I guess I must be channeling Mimmie . Today I made traditional apple pie for Thanksgiving . It was the first pie I 've made in a year or since last Christmas anyway . I like to make apple pie , and often make one or more for holidays . It is one of my favorite desserts at any time , but in recent years I buy them here for all except special occasions . ( The apples for this pie did come from there , we bought a half - bushel . ) I use a Cutco peeler to pare the apples , and it was a gift from Millie . Apple pie is one of my " signature " dishes , and she gave me many utensils over the years , including decorative pie plates and an apple coring machine - - but none as useful as the Cutco peeler . Last time I made a pie , I was sending one of them down to Long Island . But not this year . Last time I made a pie , Sophie begged for the apple peels , cores , and pieces of apple . She would even grab a whole apple out of the bag and eat it . I 've had two dogs in my life , Sophie and Howie , who loved apples and spent the entire time I was baking waiting nearby , barking impatiently at times , cheating the compost . But not this year . I always think of Mimmie when I bake for the holidays , and this year is no different . Is the pie perfect ? Did the dough roll out just right ? Are the apples just right ? Feeling happy ! I 'm a little ashamed to admit it probably has more to do with not having to go to campus for a week than anything else . But that means progress on the end of semester workload , and it allows me a little procrastination time too ! We watched two great old movies recently . One was Penny Serenade ( great title ) and the other , recommended by netflix because we watched that one , was No Man of Her Own ( a horrible title that would have caused me to skip it if it didn 't appear as " recommended . " They were not the typical light fare from those days , more like indie ( although they weren 't ) , circa 1950 . But that was the flavor . Both were pretty dark , and the first raised a lot of questions , good flick for discussion and thought . The second was almost a thriller , very suspenseful . Recently I had my orthotics adjusted - - have not had that done since ' 06 . They arrived in the mail on Friday . The change was significant . Painful . Even excruciating at times . Oww ! But I can tell it is exactly what I need and once they are broken in , I will be in much better shape with my balance , stability and walking . Yay . Maybe even able to do something that has been only fond memory since ' 09 , hike again someday ? ( Talk about really jumping the gun . ) Yesterday , our Castleton church had a ceremony honoring everyone who died from 11 / 2 / 11 - 11 / 2 / 12 . Bob was called up to the altar to light a candle for Millie . ( Miss her . ) It was said hearing all the names ( a lot ) and remembering , but also very nice . I remembered Sophie too . RIP Weg ! And in West Shokan , my father attended church for the first time since his surgery . He has also gained 6 pounds back of the 18 he lost . Yay again ! Posted by I ordered a new toaster oven from amazon just now . The one in Castleton stopped working several days ago . For at least the past 20 years , toaster ovens have sucked . In the ' 80s I had a great one that was a wedding present . It may have been a GE , but I can 't remember . It worked for many years . The door popped open and the shelf came out when the item was heated or toasted . It was simple , it didn 't have a bunch of dials . Unfortunately , years ago it vanished from the universe of consumer items and when it was worn out , it couldn 't be replaced with a similar model . As I recall for a while before it completely broke , the door pop up mechanism had to be fiddled with when closing the door . Maybe that flaw was the reason they stopped making it . Or maybe all the convenience junk food our society now eats demands a different appliance . So I 'm not sure what happened in the world of toaster oven design and function , but it is impossible to find one that is satisfactory ( the bar is pretty low : reliable , works well , doesn 't burn your hand every time you use it ) . We 're restricted in Castleton to a shelf that is 17 " X 10 " , but I don 't think size matters . Cost doesn 't seem to make a difference either . I hate the one in Samsonville ( a large , pricey Krups ) just as much or more than any toaster I 've had , and I was pretty apathetic about the one that just broke in Castleton ( a small inexpensive Cooks brand ) . Considered a smashing ceremony a la Office Space before Bob toted it to the landfill this morning , but rejected the idea . It 's very appealing for the Krups when its time is done , though . ( Just have to wait until it breaks since I never replace something that is still working . Including only sort of working . ) I thought about ditching the oven idea and going with a regular toaster , also was almost sold on a small Black & Decker , but finally settled on a Hamilton Beach that is both a toaster and a toaster oven . I fully accept that multi - appliances are almost always a disappointment , so I assume we will complain about this unit after it comes , too . It 's been a week since I last posted . I rarely go that long even if it 's only a picture or a few lines . So that gives you an idea of how busy I 've been . I guess , with my " blue " attitude , I must have let things build up . I didn 't think I was slacking . Truth is , I just wasn 't working like crazy . That 's how it can be , when there are assignments to be graded . If you don 't spend more than a full day here and there , but instead cut if off at a reasonable hour and take off weekends - - it piles up . Kind of a " duh , " I know . Americans love working and are used to there being few boundaries . father 's surgery was 6 weeks ago this past Wednesday . He had a bout with pneumonia a week after her came home from the hospital , but he is recovered . On Monday he woke up and announced that he wanted to go to the Veteran 's Day ceremony held by his American Legion post . So we did ! It was his first excursion away from home , aside from doctor 's visits . All were surprised and happy to see him . I 've been wanting to post this story . There are a couple shots of my father in the front row of the audience ( also my mother and me , a couple rows back ) in the video . He has on his leather jacket , and Ma and I are wearing shades . The videographer must have been invisible , I didn 't even know they were there . Spent the afternoon on campus . Fridays have such a different atmosphere . Quieter , but lots of personal chatter . Nothing to do with that necessarily , but my office is freezing ! Do they shut off the heat or what ? We will eventually be moving into the school of business building , once they move to their new digs and the old building is renovated . Not sure what will happen with education . Maybe they will move administrative offices out of the dorms ( that they have taken over ) . I hope I get nicer space . I 'm not complaining - - my office is OK , but in " my former life " I had lush environs . I won 't have my hopes up , though , and then I won 't be disappointed . Some annoyances have arisen with my classes - - falls in the arena of slacker students . Today is the deadline to drop a class , and so I did something I don 't usually bother with - - I told the deadbeats to drop . A couple actually did , after arguing ( unsuccessfully ) their POV . The others did not bother to dignify my advice with a response . I 'm usually a cup half full type person , but I have been feeling rather " blue . " I won 't say depressed because that 's too clinical . 2012 has not been a banner year for me . It 's been one thing after another , and at the moment it feels as if even a tiny irritation could be the straw that breaks the camel 's back . As a result , I 'm having to struggle to stay afloat work - wise , and I am not feeling all that motivated . There are numerous things right now ( some serious and some trivial ) burdening me . Most are not things I write here , and whether I break that guideline at some point remains to be seen . Cryptic , sorry . I feel the nor ' easter coming . At this point the forecast doesn 't look that bad , but the first snow of the season is always difficult , in that people drive like jerks . And in this case , it is hard to get the folks who are still without power , and those who have damaged homes , off my mind . Later : Seems so cold here . What doesn 't help . . . recently , Sophie 's license renewal came in the mail , and today , as I was paying my bills , I had to check the box " deceased " on the form and get it ready to send back . Feeling so very sad ! Posted by know , I know . . . they weren 't always accurate , they weren 't modern , they weren 't efficient , the records weren 't good enough , blah , blah , blah . But I still miss you , lever voting machine . The click of the little levers . . . scanning the top for ballot initiatives . . . trying to write upside down during a write in campaign . . . the turquoise curtain . . . the loud snap of the big red lever in the beginning and end . Still can 't get More and more are getting their power back , but some communities are still in bad shape . But strong ! ! It is getting cold , though . And a nor ' easter is predicated for later this week . Bob visited family on LI yesterday . He took the Bridgeport ferry , and reports that gas lines are a reality all the way out in eastern Long Island . I 've heard that people are coming farther and farther north as well - - all the way to Greene County . 1970s redux ! For some reason our power was out for three hours yesterday . Not sure why , but we did have 3 - 4 brownouts during the height of the storm , so maybe they shut it down on purpose to make a repair . That was the extent of the impact on my house in Castleton . In Samsonville , still no power , and the pool cover was ripped off and is in the water . Seems obnoxious to complain when so many lost everything , or live in places where there are few resources to be self - sufficient . Halloween . . . I do have candy on hand , and I made an effort to make the porch semi - respectable , but so far no trick or treaters . [ Later : they started coming soon after I wrote this . ] [ Still later : We had more kids this year than we 've had in at least the past five . The groups were huge ! I was afraid we would run out of candy - - but didn 't quite . We shut the lights out at 8 : 30 . ] I was thinking about TB / TC ( my marvelous cat Teddy ) because he came from south NJ , just about where the storm made landfall . I wonder how the couple is who gave him away . He spends many hours in the day time outside , weather permitting , and even sometimes when it is lightly raining . He LOVES it . It is another of the many ways he is similar to Edna . There was no keeping her inside , even though I did not want her to be an outdoor cat . She wasn 't , did not spend nights out there , but she had to go outside or she became grouchy and she would do her best to slip outside when the door was opened . In her case , she jumped the fence and went wherever she wanted . That 's the reason her being out made me nervous . But , no harm came to her , and she always came back when called . To say my house is a good place for cats is an understatement . The yard is one story below street level , it backs up a deep ravine that has a cemetery on the other side , and so Edna never went in the front of the house near the road . Teddy can 't get out of the fence , both because he does not seem inclined to try , and because he was declawed when I adopted him . I believe cat declawing ( like dog ear and tail docking ) to be cruel animal abuse , and it is something I would never have done . My vet shares the philosophy and would not agree to do it . I think in Teddy 's case it was especially mean , as it was done when he was an adult - - five years old , in fact . But I admit that his lack of claws means no jumping and escaping from the yard , and so I can let him stay out there as long as his heart desires without a bit of worry . The Hudson flooded a bit , and the wind howled , but all my services stayed on . All of my family in the Catskills are without power , internet and telephone - - trees are down everywhere so it will probably take a long time to restore . ( Don 't get me started on how irritated this makes me since there is still no cell service in Samsonville ! So no communication with my parents once again . ) Bob 's brother was evacuated in Hoboken , lost power and there is some water in his place . Out on Long Island , his father lost power for a while but it has already been restored . It 's still rather windy , but I am on campus today . It seems quiet - - some students may be away , and others with no electricity may have opted to stay home , but otherwise , everything is operating normally . I see the media has stopped labeling it last week 's " frankenstorm " in favor of " superstorm Sandy . " This is more a windstorm than a flood for us , unlike Irene , but the Hudson is surging ( allegedly , I did not walk down to check ) because the Long Island Sound is backing up into it . Schools closed early so catechism was canceled , classes were also canceled ( but i don 't teach on Mondays anyway ) . So far I still have electricity and DSL . And telephone , because my " landline " is home phone connect , which uses the cell tower rather than wire . And , of course , my regular cell is working ( mostly , I have an unrelated tech issue that will take a visit to the store to resolve since phone support couldn 't figure it out ) . West Shokan , Olivebridge and Samsonville are without power , but I think the cable is still working , at least for now . I unplugged my femocell before we left last night , to protect it from a power surge . At $ 250 , I didn 't want to risk it . The night is still young , so stay tuned . Or not , if my power goes out ! I think everyone is extra apprehensive about " Frankenstorm " because of Hurricane Irene last August . Will Sandy + a nor ' easter + an arctic blast be even worse ? I am so glad we spent two weekends getting the Castleton yard in shape . Another half - hour or so of work , and there will be no hazards remaining . This weekend , we will have to tackle Samsonville . It isn 't a big deal , only some lawn furniture on the deck and patio . ( We closed the pool three weeks ago - - very late ! But the weekend in September when it was on the agenda was the weekend my father was diagnosed with a brain tumor , and there was no way we were doing it until he was home after surgery . ) We also have to hunt and gather survival supplies for next week : candles , lamp oil , etc . Kerosene ? Will it be that cold ? There is always the risk that it will be much ado about nothing - - but better safe than sorry . Not one to complain when they get it wrong and there was minimal impact : that 's when to be relieved , who cares if I have extra candles . Much better outcome than the storm being worse than predicted . I 've settled on my single issue . I suspect it is an area where I am out of step with the culture ( so what else is new ) , but here goes . Return falling behind to when it was in the past - - sometime in early October , I think . I also wish springing ahead was somewhat later , as it used to be , but on that point I am somewhat negotiable . But I hate , hate , hate the way fake time conflicts with my personal physical clock ( aka true time ) at this time of year . I feel ill for a few weeks until we go back to real time . Unite ! Stop the DST madness now ! ( Or else de - friend me , LOL . ) The item didn 't cause me to do anything , aside from reading the " liked " blog post . I ( practically ) never mix it up with anyone on fb . I have , on occasion , hidden individual posts so I didn 't have to see them again ( pictures of hunting " takes " [ yes , euphemism ] come to mind ) ; I 've also hidden all game reports of the farmville variety , and all except important items from friends who post endless strings of jpeg cliches or only write rants that are offensive to me in some way . But I 've never considered demanding that someone de - friend me . It is so passive - aggressive . Why would the writer expect someone to take this action and reveal information that we have to right to keep private ? And if the target audience is not keeping their political preferences secret , but instead posting items the writer finds offensive , why don 't they do the de - friending , if they want to take a more extreme step than simply hiding objectionable material ? I don 't get it . Due to my interest in toleration , I am always surprised when I encounter viewpoints that are absent respect for pluralism . I also wonder , is the " liker " also asking to be de - friended ? Or is it just a thoughtless like , as mine are on a cute cat picture or new seasonal menu announcement from a favorite restaurant ? I 'd never mix it up on fb , as I mentioned , but it is oh - so - tempting to do a de - friending , but not to signify voting intentions , including whether I plan to vote at all or write in Mickey Mouse , all of which are my business and no - one else 's unless I feel like sharing . I am tempted to take such action just to add to the writer 's palpable angst . Or maybe a better strategy would be to one - up the egotistical outrage and demand de - friending if the reader intends to remodeled an outdated kitchen or buy a new sofa or fly in an airplane for vacation , because those acts are wasting resources and conflict with my 100 % pure and true anti - materialist value system . Posted by Kateri Tekekwitha was canonized as a saint yesterday in Rome , so we went to her birthplace at Ossernenon ( the Auriesville shrine ) for a Mass to celebrate . Lots of people there . Some were descendants of indigenous peoples , and a few wore traditional clothing . The whole experience was amazing . Wonderful day . I will go back there again on a " regular " day because it was too hard to be leisurely and " soak it all in " with the crowds . My classes are going well ( hard to believe the semester is half over already ) , but one thing that is a struggle is that they are very quiet - - the foundations classes in particular . Getting them to participate is like pulling teeth . They do not seem to be all that engaged even by peer questions . In the night class , I assume the hope is being let out early , but in the afternoon section , that can 't be it . I will have to do some thinking on ways to fire them up . Stay tuned . Took advantage of the nice day and weed whacked . It is still damp outside but I also emptied some of the tomato containers near the fence . The fence is hanging together on a lick and a promise - - it badly needs replacement now that we have Rosie , who is a scamp . Keeps us busy - - in Samsonville , the fence is in good shape but it was designed for larger dogs , not little teeny beagles . She isn 't as obsessed with getting out in Castleton , luckily . The fence here would be very easy for her to slip through if she worked at it . Not solely due to the large dog thing - - it is wooden and getting to be in bad shape . Some sections need replacement . It 's on " the list " that never ends , and who knows when the task will ascend to the top bullet . I am constantly fussing over it , locating trouble spots , doing rube goldberg repairs on gaps where she could escape . As I mentioned , fortunately she doesn 't try very hard here . The rabbits must be farther away than in Samsonville ( where they are under the sheds and on ledges right next to the fence ) . Professionally , I 've been working on some articles for a magazine for charter school leaders . The assignment sort of fell in my lap unexpectedly , on the day of my father 's surgery . So far , I think it will be a rewarding experience . I 'm also going to teach winter session again . The weekend dried out , so yard work was on the agenda . We had a killing frost Friday night , so even though it has been warm - ish since then , I took down the garden fence , dumped the hanging baskets and window boxes . The end of the growing season brings a lot of bittersweet tasks . I harvested the basil ( and three cucumbers ) , but am hoping to save the remaining herbs for a while . For catechism class tomorrow , we are going to focus on St . Francis . There are several good picture books for children that focus on his relationship with animals , but I didn 't plan far enough in advance to buy one and I am not sure whether they are in any library 's collection so I could borrow one . Oh well . Maybe next year . Tomorrow the coloring pages we have and materials from the internet will have to do . We are collecting pictures of their pets from the kids to make a display and also they are bringing in donations of canned people and pet foods for the local food pantry . I lugged items from my one room schools collection to class . It 's kind of a hassle ( my classes are pretty far from my office ) and I never know if it will be worthwhile . I always bring books and documents with me , but this semester I added some of the object I have , including a student 's slate and an inkwell . The above blackboard is the teacher 's , and it is made from painted wood . It would be cumbersome to take it to campus , so I just showed them this picture . I brought them back from Samsonville when we were on the way to Boston ( never wanted to risk them My father , sister and BIL have been in Boston since yesterday . He had pre - operative testing , and his surgery is tomorrow . My mother and brother are going out tomorrow , and Bob & I are going on Thursday . My other brother will keep all the animals happy in Samsonville while we are gone . Please pray for a successful procedure and swift recovery . Bob & I had our first catechism class last night . We focused on Kateri Tekekwitha . I brought corn muffin snacks , and they were thrilled . One boy asked me , " why are there no drinks with this snack ? " [ oops ] . A girl asked us to bring chocolate chip muffins next time . Some unexpected excitement : there was a mouse in the room ! We had fun , and I think the kids did , too . At times I had an image of " Kindergarten Cop . " LOL . 25 college students is definitely easier ( though somewhat less fun ) than 9 third and fourth graders . I have written many times before that only a handful of the students I have in my classes are unethical - - or slackers . Unfortunately those two groups take an enormous amount of energy and too often overshadow the remaining students , most of whom are perfectly capable . And then there are a small number , though larger than the slackers and cheaters , who are truly wonderful . I shared my recent situation with my students yesterday , and also met with the three who will be handling my classes next week . Many well - wishes , and the three who will be substitutes are excited by the prospect . One student even stopped me after class to tell me that his mom had a brain tumor removed eight years ago , she is perfectly fine and he knows my father will be too . What amazing young people ! It gives me hope for the future . My I hate September theme : Forgot to mention last post that 9 / 25 was the 7th anniversary of Rudy 's death . RIP , Mr . Wuj . Miss you . Posted by Just came in from weed whacking ( it so needed it ) and picking tomatoes . I 've managed to get coverage for two of my three on campus classes next week , and I am waiting to confirm the third . The online class is pretty much on auto - pilot , provided I get it ready by Friday ( which I would have to do anyway ) . So my schedule is clear for going to Samsonville and Boston . Feeling very optimistic ( and occasionally , panicky ) . On Monday , our catechism class starts . Turns out it will be a combined grades 3 & 4 class . The following week we have the Columbus Day holiday , which is good , as I anticipate coming back to Castleton from Samsonville on that day . Last night we attended a class called the Spiritual Journal at the church . It was great ! We wrote three posts , and if we wanted to , read them aloud and / or discussed the process . I chose to read one of mine . The prompt was write about something you did today : September 24 , 2012 . Today I wrote in my " other " journal - the one I have been keeping since March 1 , 2002 . Today 's entry was just a photo of the fruits of my garden , as it winds down into early fall . Some tomatoes , green beans , cucumbers and one pitiful zucchini that I am so proud of . Reason being I never have any luck with zucchini in my Castleton garden , even though most other veggies thrive . I also revised yesterday 's post , which was a long one . I have to revise long posts because for the past ten years I have written publicly , and that means the internal censor kicks in . There are some things I cannot write about in my public journal . That one has more rules than privately writing on paper . There are pluses and minuses to this - some creativity and venting gets lost , but on the other hand , it doesn 't have to be burned afterwards , as a paper journal may have to be . Wow , writing with a pen is tiring ! ! Recently , I noticed in referrer logs that I get often get visits from people searching for two things : 2 ) Whether the Carol Burnett show is on roku . If that 's why you are here , the answer is I have not found any full episodes . However , if you download playon . tv , you can search and watch youtube , and there are many clips of all favorite skits , in fact to watch them all it would take hours or days . It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man , all unprepared , can receive a thunder - stroke like that and live . There is but one reasonable explanation of it . The intellect is stunned by the shock and but gropingly gathers the meaning of the words . The power to realize their full import is mercifully lacking . - Mark Twain 's Autobiography ( writing about his daughter Suzy Clemens ' death ) . I 've read the autobiography many times ; it is my favorite book by my favorite author . There are many sentences , paragraphs and anecdotes within it that resonate . This quote has been running through my mind for the past week . Last Saturday morning , we rushed my father to the hospital because we thought he was having a stroke . Turns out it was not a stroke , but instead he has a brain tumor called a meningioma . years , apparently a lot of people have them and they do not cause symptoms and do not need to be treated if they are not causing symptoms . It is not " in " his brain , but on the surface in the membrane . Also , at 85 he is in excellent health and has no other issues . So they were able to stabilize him with medication , his symptoms went away , will never forget ) . He has a slight speech issue , although no worse than many people his age , and you would never know something was wrong with him . A big victory happened yesterday - - my brother threw a reception for his daughter , who married her partner over the summer and my father did not want to miss it . And he didn 't ! I didn 't post yesterday , but wanted to note that it would have been Mimmie 's 108th birthday ! I thought about her all day . I am working on turning A Visit with Mimmie into a kindle book . . . stay tuned . 2012 continues to dish out sad milestones . I found out that a friend and former co - worker Nancy died yesterday . She was about 67 , I think . She had not been well for about the past 5 years . I last saw her in December 2010 . She was a nice and gracious person , and was often my walking companion on the trek up State Street at lunch time . RIP Nancy . I 'm sure there was a party waiting for you in heaven . As always , I am contemplating how I can bring the herbs inside as soon as the frost threatens . It was a little crisp this morning , but no where near freezing yet . Bright blue September day . ( Also the 17th anniversary of Howie 's death . . . howzerdo or just " do . " ) Offspring of Little Shop of Horrors have sprouted everywhere . This little guy was in the middle of the lawn . I dug it out in the hope of having an inside tomato plant . Spent another four dollars for an amazon movie on roku - - this time , The Perfect Family . We chose it solely because of Kathleen Turner , whom we both like . She has aged a lot since I last saw one of her movies , and also gained some weight . Neither is a criticism ; I admire her for aging naturally and gracefully . She is still lovely , although they did their best to make her appear frumpy , and she pulls it off . It was an OK movie I guess , but only because she is a good actress . Apart from that , the movie 's message was Hollywood 's understanding of Catholics : they are unhappy , unforgiving , unenlightened , vain - - oh , and by the way - - hypocrites too . Plus , there are no " cool " clergy . But it did have a happy ending , and her family loves one another . So it 's all good . ( Not really . ) Staying in Castleton , so no barn duty this weekend . We took the dogs to the cemetery for a walk , and then to the local Stewart 's for a treat . When Sophie was alive , that usually meant an eggwich . However , at the location in our village , there is a day time employee we call " the eggwich bitch . " In all other Stewart ' 's I 've every patronized , the associates bend over backwards to make customers happy . They keep the hot box full of eggwiches and burgers and the coffee fresh . But our eggwich bitch seems to hate making them , and resents all who want to buy one . They must sell the least volume in eggwiches of any shop in the chain . Today I see the sandwich board in the parking lot says eggwiches and coffee combos are fifty cents off . Must be the eggwich bitch is on vacation this week . Added Sunday : this morning , again no eggwiches . I didn 't plan to buy one , but some other customers were asking , and were told they were being made . But they left empty handed . The eggwich bitch was no where in sight , but it seems she has created an anti - eggwich work culture . Posted by This week I had lunch at the Patroon Room with someone I hadn 't seen in about 15 years . She asked me , kind of out of the blue , whether I find my job rewarding ? The question took me by surprise . At the time I wondered if she was judging me . I was wearing a tie dye tee shirt and bright pink capri pants . I 'm so not where I was when we were peers in class . I have a great memory , and 15 or 20 years ago still resonates on occasion , but actually seeing her again made that reflection all the more powerful . When we were both students , she was full time , GA supported . Doted on by the faculty . Hung out in study groups where they memorized every nuance of the literature in preparation for the comps . I was one class per semester , wearing a suit , running to class from Western Avenue my job I find most rewarding . I told her the only downside is being an adjunct , but I don 't worry about security at all . After ten years being fired seems unlikely , and even if it happened , I 'd land on my feet . Added : A funny moment , the blast from the past and I were discussing a person we both know , and I summed it up suddenly : " he has little man syndrome . " This so surprised and tickled her . She may have forgotten how fearless I am in my discourse . Posted by Now hang on to your hat . . . At OCS : $ 30 , 747 / student total ; $ 15 , 495 general education ; $ 40 , 128 special education ; 17 % classification rate . In terms of performance , all of Schodack 's schools are in " good standing . " At OCS , the high school , Bennett and Woodstock ES are in " good standing . " The junior high and Phoenicia ES are labeled in need of improvement ( year 1 ) . I made french fries with some of those wonderful potatoes from the garden . ( We had baked potatoes Monday night - - very versatile crop ! ) The french fries plus tomato sandwiches were dinner last night ! Love the harvest . . . I wanted to wait until I had my tax bills , pencil and calculator in hand before commenting . ( They arrived Saturday but I wasn 't home . ) For OCS , it comes to a 2 . 7 % increase over last year ( slightly more than reported in the article . ) For Schodack , it is an increase of 3 . 8 % over last year ( although overall the OCS bill is 56 % higher than the one for Schodack ) . However neither is over the 2 % tax cap . I must need to sharpen my pencil and get a new calculator . Or maybe the district to increase its tax levy by 2 . 47 % and still be within the cap . The district decided to raise the tax levy by that amount to reduce the level of cuts that would be required to programs . " OCS newsletter says " The Board of Education has adopted a budget that contains a ZERO percent increase to the tax levy . This does not mean that each individual tax bill will remain unchanged from last year . " Stealing a few minutes to write briefly about one of the things that has been pending . We watched the movie Bernie on roku via amazon ( 4 bucks ) . It is an entertaining and often funny movie , very clever . Shirley MacLaine , Jack Black , Matthew McConaughey were all great . But it left me feeling very unsettled afterwards . Again , a bit of the biopic hatchet job , although this time not of the title character , who was portrayed as the hero , very sympathetically . Instead , it was the ultimate of blaming the victim . Spoiler alert : is it really appropriate , tasteful or ethical ( forget kind ) to produce a movie that makes light of a 30 - something charismatic man seducing ( emotionally if not physically ) and murdering an 81 - year - old woman by shooting her four times in the back , and then stuffing her body in the freezer for nine months while he spends her money ? This is acceptable and even hilarious because he was a nice , charming guy , she was a rich bitch and he donated some of her money to charity ? And it is not like the events were ripped from far back in history - - this woman 's immediate family is still living . ( Reminded me of The Iron Lady in that single aspect . ) News flash : the jury got it right . I feel guilty for enjoying the story ( even though my laughter abruptly stopped at the murder ) . I went swimming today ! It 's been a hot summer but I haven 't done much swimming . There have been a lot of problems with the filter and I don 't find it appetizing when the water isn 't 1 ) warm and 2 ) crystal clear . So . . . closing the pool in 2 - 3 weeks so it was a treat . Can it be classes only started on Monday ? What a week this has been . Yesterday I barely had time to eat my Genisoy bar and yogurt and I had to drink my seltzer during class . Not easy making it to 7 on only 250 calories ! But my classes are going well , at least . Toleration in particular was engaged and engaging last night . I kept them busy for three hours ! Another campus construction picture Tuesday they are closing Fuller Road around I - 90 and Washington Avenue to install the second of two rotaries . The relocation of Washington Avenue due to the expansion of Nano is making the morning ride to campus a challenge . Posted by Tired does not begin to capture how I feel . Two long days in a row - - quite a shock to my system after a leisurely nearly four months ! Yesterday I was back on campus for my first day of classes . They went fine , although I wasn 't my usual chipper self . Not sure the students noticed , though , so I guess I did fine . I took some photos of the construction , which is going on everywhere . These are everywhere . The long stretches make it a hassle to access the buildings , to say the least . I have no idea what they are doing . I suppose it is in the plan ( there is a big sign explaining the changes in the last photo , below , but I didn 't bother to study it ) . Today was Dolly 's funeral . My suit sure has been getting a lot of use in 2012 . It was heartbreaking . So many memories . The outpouring of support from the community was touching , the ride to the cemetery through West Shokan and over Peekamoose Mountain and the cemetery itself in Grahamsville were beautiful . The procession had a police escort , which was much appreciated . I can 't imagine what her family is feeling . Not that I cannot identify with the emotional impact of a loved one 's death , but being hit by a car is just awful . With my driving phobia and in - general automobile aversion - - well , there are no words . And then there were the media stories - - despicable . Tomorrow is another long day on campus , so no snoozing until Friday . Then it 's off to Samsonville . I have barn duty this weekend . A glimmer of good news , my mother reports that she is feeling a little better - - so our help appears to be working . Lately , we have had a run of movies from Netflix that I didn 't enjoy very much . First , was Dogville . Twice I tried to watch it - and bo . . . Trying to articulate some of the ways I feel . When I was 12 , I got a baby goat for my sixth grade graduation present . My mother asked me if . . . Lately , we have had a run of movies from Netflix that I didn 't enjoy very much . First , was Dogville . Twice I tried to watch it - and bo . . . I just checked the status of my " rad , " and it said " active . " I almost had a heart attack ! Yippee ! It wasn 't a scam . . . . I like this TU writer . He championed the village in the Save Our Stewarts advocacy and I am forever in his debt . However , I disagree with t . . . Lately , we have had a run of movies from Netflix that I didn 't enjoy very much . First , was Dogville . Twice I tried to watch it - and bo . . . I like this TU writer . He championed the village in the Save Our Stewarts advocacy and I am forever in his debt . However , I disagree with t . . .
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The Boy , our Great Dane , is a world champion lizard chaser . He 's only caught one , ever , so he 's not much of a catcher - just a chaser . The lizards are much faster , and probably much smarter . All but for the one he caught - and that lizard lost its little tail - but the lizard didn 't leave . He continued to live out back , to taunt The Boy every chance he could possibly get . Last night , I was sitting at the computer , and I kept hearing this " whack ! " " thwap ! " noise . Each time I would get up to go see what it was , I 'd see The Boy - just standing on the bed - and I figured , okay , he must have lost a chewy or a ball down in between the mattress and the headboard . Geez , I hope he 's not scratching the headboard and that that is what that noise is . This went on for about ten or fifteen minutes . I 'd hear the " whack ! " " thwap ! " and get up to go check it out . Each time - nothing - just The Boy standing on the bed . Again , " whack ! " " thwap ! THUUDDD ! " and I go to see - and there he is , The Boy , who must have been standing on the nightstand - no small dog - he 's a Great Dane - is caught with his right front leg and rear leg BEHIND the nightstand , his body in a rather sideways position semi - on top of the nightstand with his head down on the side of the nightstand stuck next to the wall . Oh , my gosh ! What in the world are you doing ? ! ? I help him - free him from an almost impossible position and spot - without hurting him - and what does he do ? The Boy jumps back up on the bed to try this again ! And that 's when I see it . There is a baby lizard on the wall - up high - a teeny , tiny little gecko lizard , all of about two inches long . It is driving The Boy absolutely crazy , and he is bound and determined to get it , no matter what furniture he destroys doing so , or how many broken bones he might end up with . [ That he didn 't break something when he fell off / onto / behind the nightstand is nothing short of a miracle ! And , the nightstand is still intact as well . Note toPosted by We now have DSL . Got it today - the nice man came at 8 : 45 this morning - and refused to come in until , of course , the " Kids " were " put away . " The Boy - I 've said before - goes to his crate , happily , when he is told to . The Baby - HA ! Runs for her dear , sweet little life if she thinks she is about to be put into her " torture chamber . " No matter . I put The Baby on her leash - got her all excited - she , is , of course , thinking " Walk Time ! " This , naturally , makes The Boy go NUTS seeing that The Baby has a leash on and even though he is in his Happy Place that he is NOT going is not going over well with him , at all … Hopefully he was relieved to find out that all I did was walk The Baby upstairs to show the nice computer man where our computer is and where our telephone jack is . The nice computer man , apparently , was unable to concentrate with The Baby [ who weighs all of forty pounds - she 's a six month old puppy for goodness sake ! ] in the same general vicinity . I had to lock The Baby in the kitchen - so now both Kids are barking , crying … I know I 've posted already about what a wonderful thing is it that we can dial " 202 " and have maintenance come and fix about anything , almost immediately . Well - they come - but don 't necessarily fix it whatever it is - and often this requires several visits from lots of different little laborers imported from a variety of countries . We have a similar number to " IT " and we dial it and they " fix " whatever it is . A couple of months ago , when we got the new computer that I didn 't know we needed , with the big flat screen , the wireless keyboard and wireless mouse , and NO diskette drive , we called to get a DSL hook - up - we 've been using dial - up . Yesterday I get a call that they have made it down the list of 450 - something installations - and it 's our turn , finally - and that the DSL would be installed this morning at nine o ' clock . I 'll give the workers in The Sandbox this - they are almost always early - unlikePosted by I am leaving , at the end of next week , and will be gone for almost a month . This will be my fourth trip to the States in less than a year . Apparently , there is something very wrong with me , because everyone around me seems to be much more thrilled about my situation than I am . They are both envious of me - for getting to " go to the States , " and excited for me - that I 'll get to be in the " real world " and experience " normalcy " again , even if for a short time . My reaction to this ? Well , not once have I said , " Oh , I can 't wait ! " or " It 's going to be so much fun ! " No . Instead , I am dreading it . The travel , alone , is daunting ! I will leave here , my house , in the evening , and take a cab to the airport - which is , at a minimum an hour away - if not longer - so I will allow myself two and a half hours , by the time I get through customs on both sides and finally cross the causeway [ I 'm leaving from Bahrain ] , where after arriving at the airport almost two hours prior - as is required for International flights - my plane will not leave until almost one in the morning . That 's not such a bad thing - I 'll be able to sleep - I can sleep almost anywhere . The first leg of the flight is almost nine hours and upon arrival in this country , I will spend two hours at the airport waiting to catch a flight for the next leg of my trip . The second leg of the flight is a little over seven and a half hours long , and at this point I will probably have to force myself not to become to " antsy " from sitting , I won 't be tired , and I probably won 't be able to sleep . Estimated travel time , so far : twenty - three hours . I will arrive in the States and have to go through customs , where it is more likely than not , that I will be pulled aside and taken to a little room for approximately an hour to be interrogated and given the third degree for being an American citizen who lives in Saudi Arabia . The questions are always the same - yes , this happens regularly - I don 't recall the last time I mPosted by One Sunday afternoon as my husband settled onto the couch to spend an afternoon caressing a " clicker " in one hand and a beer in the other , I casually walked thru the room and snidely remarked that a lot more women would watch football if the men played without their pants on . This drew a bit of a cringe , as my husband briefly and silently imagined how painful this might be , before saying " men wouldn 't watch at all . " I wasn 't referring to having men play in the " full Monty . " What I had in mind is skivvies , akin to a Speedo , and just enough to show off all those " tight ends . " Saudi Cleric Decries World Cup Soccer Enthusiasm ( CNSNews . com ) - Millions of soccer fans around the world are zeroed in on the World Cup tournament , but a Saudi cleric claims that public enthusiasm over sports turns people into fools and encourages nakedness . The full story is here . It is really rather unfortunate that soccer would be denounced like this ; it is not , however , at all surprising . A recent article , " Confessions of an Executioner , " published on June 3 , 2006 , in The Saudi Gazette , will not show up in ANY search I do so that I can do a " link . " Oddly , I remember seeing a very similar article shortly after we moved to The Sandbox . The Saudi Gazette may well keep this particular article archived and dust it off on a regular basis , lest one forget that certain crimes truly are punished by beheading . Often times , reading articles in The Saudi Gazette , they refer to what must be a companion / sister paper , Okaz . I did find this paper , and unfortunately , it is ONLY in Arabic . [ Yes , I do believe I am close to being an expert in reading , writing and speaking Arabic - I have taken two sixteen week courses ! - but I 'm not quite expert enough to be able to do a search , and even if I COULD do the search , if I found the article , it would take me weeks , months , possibly years to translate it from Arabic to English . ] I really didn 't want to have to type this , but here goes … From The Saudi Gazette : Jeddah ( SG ) ABDULLAH Sa ' id Al - Bishi is an executioner . It 's a role he inherited from his father . Al - Bishi , who is currently the second oldest executioner working for the Ministry of Interior as he has been practicing since the year 1412 H ( 1991 - 92 ) , and took up the job after assisting his father for many years . " My role was to obey the orders of my father . Sometimes , he would ask me to reposition the subject in preparation for the execution , " he told the Arabic language daily Al - Hayat . [ This paper , with a very limited English version , did not come up with this article in a search , either . ] The job of the executioner is not only to carry out the death sentence , Al - Bishi said . The swordsman is also a kind - of - counselor [ yeah , I bet he his ! ] , sometimes approaching relatives of a murder victim and reminding them they can pardon the convicted up until the very last moment . [ After that - oops , too late ! ] Al - Bishi related an incident when his father was an executioner and was preparing to carry out a dPosted by The woman who was locked in her house [ What IF there was a fire ? ] - to all who commented - I agree , surely there is more to the story . But , who knows … In the meantime , on the same day , I missed this one in the paper , Arab News , it was just a couple paragraphs , buried on the bottom of a page . It certainly would give one reason to believe that people just are not taking care of their mother 's here , in The Sandbox . This poor old woman - she 's 90 ! - has been forced to live in the stairwell of a building - without light , ventilation and a toilet , " because her children do not want to take care of her . " So , instead , she 's been resigned to have to live in what sounds to me like an ultimate spider habitat ! Looking at the bright side [ ha ! there is no light ! ] , her eyesight is deteriorating so if there ARE spiders she probably can 't see them . The article sheds a little light [ ha ! there is no light ! ] on the lack of hygienic facilities , and why the woman is not getting charitable help . Really , not to make light [ ha ! there is no light ! ] of the situation , because it truly is sad that anyone would be forced to live like this - but especially when you 're 90 years old - the woman has two sons and four daughters … Apparently the sons are " financially secure , " and one of the daughters living nearby said that she did not want to help her mother because she was " wicked . " I have one son . I can assure you that through many years - those terrible teenage ones - he thought I was wicked - probably worse than wicked . I know I won 't end up living in a stairwell . My son wouldn 't do that to me . No , he 'll be putting me in a nursing home , instead . Probably one of those " homes for the aged , " you read horror stories about - abuse , lack of food , care , etc . Just as long as there aren 't any spiders … I saw this Haunted House headline in yesterday 's Arab News , and glanced at the first sentence or two , " People living in a residential suburb of Jeddah had no doubt that the empty house in the area was haunted . " " Strange sounds could be heard coming from the house … " and I turned the page . Last night I received an e - mail from a young lady telling me that she had read a story about domestic abuse that neighbors knew of but had done nothing about … I thought , " another maid has been abused , " as if so common it elicits less of a response than a yawn … Ho - hum … Not this time . Apparently there is a woman in Jeddah who lives in a house , alone , where she has been locked in by her three brothers , because , for whatever reason , " she [ can 't ] live with them . " After the death of her father , five years ago , the rest of the family - these brothers - moved away . Not before , however , putting a chain on the door and bars on the windows - where this unnamed woman has since remained , as a prisoner . Umm Samar , a neighbor says that when the brothers were still living there she could hear " them beating her almost every day . " Pardon me ? Did you say you could hear this happening almost every day ? And it didn 't occur to you ever - not even once - to call the police or some other authority to report this ? A few generous souls , the aforementioned Umm Samar , among them , have tried to help her and " slip food to her . " Umm Samar says that last Ramadan she " received a telephone call from the woman asking if she could have some food . The poor girl told me that she was starving and that there was no food in the house , no money and worst of all she had been locked inside deliberately . " When was Ramadan last year ? Didn 't it start in October ? It is now going on the end of June ! Eight months have passed , and still no one has called an authority to investigate the situation of a woman who you know is locked in a house , with bars on the windows , with no way to escape and no way to communicate with the outside world ? [ ThPosted by Sabria S . Jawhar is new - relatively new - to The Saudi Gazette . She writes a weekly column called , " Out of the Box . " Today she addresses an issue that many of us have addressed - I have , The Religious Policman has , Hypnotic Verses and Silly Bahraini Girl have addressed it , and without a doubt , a slew of others that I just am not quite familiar with yet : Abuse of domestic workers . If someone has had the courage to take some responsibility for the issue in black and white as direct and succinctly as Sabria has , I 've not yet seen it . I do believe the column she wrote today will cause just a bit of flack . Sabria , if everyone out there that employs domestic help shared your philosophy , many of us would no longer have an issue to address with regularity , as abuse of domestic workers would be obsolete ! And if everyone out there just shared part of Sabria 's philosophy toward mankind in general , what a wonderful world this would be ! The specific situation , Sabria writes of , involves a man who fills an apartment building 's water tank . The man got sick and was unable to fill the tank one night . The next day , a tenant of the building , upset because there is no water , beats the man beyond recognition . When did any of us - not just those of us with domestic help - stop caring about our fellow human beings so much that instead of saying , " I 'm sorry you weren 't feeling well , " we respond to the absence of some deed or promise with anger ? Sabria says , " . . . few expatriates go home with good memories about their stay in the Kingdom . " " . . . I felt truly ashamed and I was lost for words . I was speechless and could barely utter a word , other than to say " sorry brother , " for the behavior . . .”“. . . what made the inherent dignity and humanity so cheap to us , that we thought we could enslave and humiliate them ? How could we be so mean and cruel to these people , people who had crossed oceans to serve us and raise our children ? " " . . . give them more human working conditions , where they have a prPosted by It 's hot outside . It 's summer . I live on a compound with a mix of nationalities . In some respects I wish it wasn 't mixed - as I believe it could and would be more " relaxed . " It would also , no doubt , be a prime target - just paint a huge florescent Bulls eye in the center ! So , in that particular respect , a compound of mixed nationalities isn 't a bad thing . Nor is it a bad thing that a compound of mixed nationalities is forced to interact and mingle some … And see how it is that " both sides " live … I am in a foreign country [ yeah , understatement , here ! ] , I am a guest , and as such , I do believe I have a duty - whether I agree or disagree - to be considerate and respectful of the culture around me - and thus keep in mind that a display of too much skin might offend those around me when choosing clothing to wear out of the house . And , more often than not , as my normal " daytime " uniform probably isn 't appropriate , here , in this Country and culture . My day starts very , very early , and begins with putting on what I refer to as my " leash aerobics " uniform [ bike / exercise shorts and a tank top - or a tee shirt when it 's cooler - and " walking " sandals - I used to wear sneakers , but then had a tan line that ended at my ankles which were a stark white ] . When the " kids " and I return from our walk , the morning " routine " continues with breakfast , vitamins , etc . Typically once that part of the morning " routine " is complete , I can then get on with my day , showering , donning a clean " daytime " uniform , etc . My " daytime " uniform is the same as my " leash aerobic " uniform , with different sandals . [ I also have a " TV watching " uniform - yep - bike / exercise shorts , tee shirt and flip flops . ] All but TWO of a multitude of buildings that house the operations where all the day - to - day functions of a " small community " are administered [ i . e . , business offices , schools , library , community dining hall , post office ] have signs posted at the entrances and in the loPosted by The good : A simple phone call to " 202 " fixes any and all maintenance problems . The bad : Today I had two minor maintenance situations and no less than eleven [ 11 ] , yes , ELEVEN men have been here to fix them - two , simple , minor little maintenance problems . The ugly : Me , at this point . Ugly beyond belief . I have much to do in the next twenty days before leaving , again , for a short visit to the States - my third trip in six months . My list has six million three thousand and eleven " things to do " on it … So much to do , so little time … Deciding to eliminate two of those " things to do " off my list I called " 202 " first thing this morning to see about having the freezer door repaired and the dryer vent fixed . Our refrigerator , supplied by housing , here , is probably going on thirty years old - it is at least twenty years old . It is one of those ' fridge on the bottom , freezer on the top . Standard , basic model . No ice maker , no water dispenser . Nothing fancy . For three years now , I have lived with opening the freezer door and having whatever is on the bottom " shelf " of the actual door falling out onto the floor . The cheesy little metal bar that holds the items on the shelf was broken at some point before we moved in . Typically , I just pick up the frozen peas , the " kid " ice creams , and the box of Eggo 's that only has one waffle left in it , put the little metal bar back in , and then put the " stuff " back on this shelf . At this point , the metal bar is swimming in the holes where it is supported as the plastic molding has been chipped away little by little each time the bar falls out and is then replaced . When a can of frozen limeade fell out this past weekend and got me on the top of the foot , having this fixed made its way from being lost in the middle to the top of the " list . " The dryer is another story . The vent hose - connected from the back of the dryer to the " hole " in the floor to blow the " hot air " outside has not stayed in place from the very beginning - from the day Posted by Truly this mail thing is something that all of us " Westerners " take for granted . In the States , your mail is delivered to you " through rain and shine , or sleet and snow " six days a week - and Sunday delivery is available through the Express service at additional cost . And , but for the RARE exception , it is delivered to you in the very same , exact condition it was when originally placed in the mail by the sender … Living here in Saudi has given me the opportunity to reflect upon , consider the functions of , and become truly appreciative of what I once thought was just another rather excessive , overly - indulgent and over - bloated albeit mostly financially , self - sufficient branch of Government , the United States Postal Service . I miss mail … It - this whole " mail " thing - is something I really didn 't contemplate a great deal about before we moved from the States to Saudi Arabia . I very , very naively and innocently presumed that " mail " was something that took place all over the world . I should have known better right from the start when I went to our local Post Office branch that fateful day in the summer of 2003 and said , " I 'd like to fill out a change of address / mail forwarding card , please . Is there a special form for International change of address / mail forwarding ? " " Oh . No ? " " No , I didn 't realize that mail could not be forwarded internationally . " So we move to Saudi Arabia - after making arrangements for our mail to be delivered elsewhere and forwarded to us , privately . It 's no big deal that there is no actual " mail delivery " to your door , and that I have to actually go and get our mail at one of the building 's in the center of our compound . At least I can actually drive myself there , and hey , it gives me a reason to get out of the house every few days - over and above the daily post - dawn walk with the " kids . " And , I 'd walk the " kids " there and back every day but for the fact that they would not be welcome inside the building once we got there … OnlPosted by Once upon a time , in the not too distant past , there was a Woman who thought she was living the American Dream . Her childhood , although now not particularly memorable , was fairly normal . She went to school . She got a job . She met a tall , blonde and handsome pilot and married him . It was all good . They were the perfect " Ken and Barbie " couple . The handsome pilot built her the house of her dreams in North Carolina , where she thought they would live for the remainder of their many , many days to come . Circumstances , totally out of the control of this lovely Ken and Barbie couple , changed everything . Shortly afterward , they came to find themselves living a whole new life in the Eastern Province of Saudi Arabia . Oh , sure , they are still the perfect " Ken and Barbie " couple , but Barbie now wears an abeyah over her designer outfits when she leaves her house , she has given up her pink convertible because she is not allowed to drive , and she no longer has an office that she visits five days a week , instead choosing to spend her time as a stay - at - home wife and an over - protective , doting Mommy to their two absolutely adorable , much loved and very , very pampered four - legged " Kids . "
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People covered in oil . Lucky them , they can take their clothes off . OK , seriously ? Another oil spill ? You know , fuck it . We 'll never learn . I guess it 's a good thing shit like this happens where people vacation , because if it was out in the middle of nowhere , where people weren 't affected , the spill and the damage it causes to wildlife would go unnoticed by the rest of us . Companies have to own up to their enormous mistakes because people will get all pissed at them , maybe sue , and will definitely have a negative opinion , which in turn will affect stocks . And fucking stock makes the world go round . Oiled muskrat . Though this spill is nowhere near as massive or damaging as the one in the Gulf , it 's still the most destructive thing that could happen to the area . And what really makes no sense is how the company , Enbridge , can ignore warnings about safety violations . This spill happened because a pipe corroded . Corrosion takes a while , and Enbridge obviously wasn 't keeping an eye on it or paying any attention to the warnings from the Pipeline and Hazardous Materials Safety Administration . With all the attention on the Gulf and BPs safety mistakes , wouldn 't you start making sure you 're not going to come under the same bad press ? Wouldn 't you make sure you didn 't get lumped in with big bad BP by replacing your damn pipes ? Now 35 miles of Kalamazoo river are tarnished , 35 miles of dead fish , dead frogs , oil - coated birds and muskrat , and a river bank that will be unsuitable for life for years . Really didn 't think I 'd be using the " oil spill " tag again this year . Google image search " single . " This week marks one full year of singledom ! If you 've read even somewhat consistently , you know that before last July I had been in one of two rather serious relationships , for 7 cumulative years , both ending either because I didn 't want to marry him or he didn 't want to marry me . So this year was a learning experience . One thing I learned is that when you 're pretty sure you 're going to be with the person you 're already with ( especially when that person is the only one you 've slept with ) it 's easy to make bold statements about what you 'll never do because you don 't think the opportunity will ever come up . But when that relationship died , so did the idea that I had to live by the standards I set for myself way back before adulthood . The question " why ? " suddenly became " why not ? " So , there was a neighbor , a roommate , a friend , a coworker , and a couple of category repeats who I got to one base or another with , despite all of them being on the " List of People I 'd Never ______ . " But none of those situations were spur of the moment , at least on my end . Before getting into those situations I 'd already made up my mind about what I was comfortable doing ; if I wasn 't comfortable with something it didn 't happen . And that 's how I avoid regret . I love Google image search . There were also some situations that never happened ( which was for the best , even though part of me really wanted them to ) , and others that could have been more , but I wasn 't comfortable enough at the time . The point of all this is to ultimately figure out what I 'm looking for . I 've already written about things I 've learned from the long - term boyfriends I 've had , and this year was an entirely different kind of learning . Now I have a better sense of who I am as well as who I want to be and what kind of person I want to be with . No idea why this showed up in Google image search for " single . " Every guy I kissed had some fatal flaw ( ranging from incredibly hot but crazy to just plain far away ) , which is why this has been the Year of thePosted by Bender really does have it right . Humans are the most destructive force on the planet . And some are just downright stupid . Take Elle Macpherson . Actress , model , designer , producer . Speaks 4 languages , lives in the UK , 2 kids , fucking rich . And she eats rhinoceros horn . Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ! What the fuck is an quasi - educated white woman doing buying BLACK MARKET ENDANGERED ANIMAL KERATIN ? Thanks to you , Elle , rhinos are still endangered . They 're still being killed for compressed hair . That 's right , hair . Save the stray hairs from your brush until you 've got a nice handful , then grate them on your salad . Or use your fingernail clippings . I 'm sure for a lot less than $ 100 grand you can go to a nail salon and ask them to save their clippings for you . What is it she thinks she gets out of rhino horn that she 's willing to pay out the ass for it ? She 's nearing 50 . . . maybe rhino horn is the fountain of youth ? What gets me even more is she 's the producer for Britain 's Next Top Model , which means all those aspiring young models , who might look up to her , might see that she takes rhino horn and might want to take it , too . Seriously guys , not only is it ridiculously silly , it 's illegal . She should have some sort of repercussion for admitting it ( and then lying about it : " Oh , it 's bad ? I mean , I didn 't know it was rhino horn , I just thought I was paying thousands for a vial of Chinese herb powder that helps me . . . um , I dunno , be pretty . " ) Fucking dumb . She should die like this poor girl : See that , Elle ? She had a 9 month old baby . And you killed her . That rhino was the last female in Krugersdorp Park in South Africa . Her baby watched the killing and was then moved to an area with other rhino orphans . There are at best 18 , 000 rhinos in all of Africa right now . Most of them are Southern White rhinos , like 4 are Northern White , and a few thousand are Black rhinos . Rhinos are most protected on reserves , but guess what ? This picture was taken on a reserve . Not very protected . This pisses me off so fucking much . It 's 100 % pointlePosted by Apparently . At least , that 's what the Westboro Baptist Church would have you believe . They came all the way to my city ( which , don 't know if you know , happens to be America 's Finest ) to hold up signs that said , " God hates fags . " Follow the logic ? Me either . Ignore for a moment that anything the WBC does makes the opposite of sense . Focus instead on them only sending 2 protesters who , in order to get their point across , each held up like 4 signs . Focus also on the genius of my community and the nerd community in holding up counter protest signs , like " God loves gay robin " ( who I met at sushi last week ) , " Is this thing on ? " , " Superman died for people 's sins , " and " Kill all humans . " That last one was from Bender . The WBC hides their activities behind freedom of speech and freedom of religion . However , many of the things they do is pure and simple terrorism ( protesting fallen soldier 's funerals , for example ) . It baffles me that they get away with it right here on our own land . At what point do freedom of speech and freedom of religion stop being rights and start being an infringement on other people 's rights ? When does it become terrorism ? The WBC has long since crossed that border , and in my opinion they need to be taken down . I only wish I had been there to see them ; I 'd have sent my own message with water balloons . On the other hand , I guess it does kind of make sense . The WBC is full of zombies , and so is Comic Con . Ba - dum - pah ! Speaking of which , I headed downtown last night for some people watching and was not disappointed . Along with several zombies , I saw pirates , Super Woman , Cat Woman , some sort of Frankenstein - esque woman , a guy walking around with a Yoda doll , Sailor Moon , plain old dominatrixes , and a female Avatar ( my phone camera sucks so I couldn 't get a picture , but she wore a bikini top , thong and high heels and was covered in blue and purple paint ) . Plus , my friend decided to get in on the action by holding 3 straws and being Wolverine . I rocked my longcat shirt and it was totally recognized . I love San DiLindsay Marie Rest in peace . Death is unfair , painful and scary . It doesn 't matter if it 's just a little sparrow or squirrel or a friend or family member . Death sucks . A friend of mine learned a classmate from high school died recently , and he didn 't expect it to affect him as significantly as it did . Another friend accidently killed a squirrel while driving , and , again , he didn 't expect it to affect him as significantly as it did . An owl ambassador died , deeply affecting many of my friends and former coworkers . That owl 's death also affected me more than I thought : though I didn 't know him I had met him ; he was the last animal ambassador I saw before I left the Park . Then today was my first day volunteering for Project Wildlife . While feeding my last cage of baby birds one just wasn 't interested in eating . I notified a manager , handed over the tiny guy , and she said she had to euthanize him . He and his cagemates had conjunctivitis , which is pink eye in humans but in birds is a virus that might never go away . Acute cases are euthanized . A minute later another bird started sneezing so again I called over the manager . He wasn 't even opening his eyes , so she took him away too . Then she saw the eyes of the other 2 birds in the cage and made the decision to euthanize them all . I 'd just been feeding them for 5 minutes and was already attached enough to be sad at their deaths . I knew it was for the best - no reason to prolong suffering and waste our resources on animals that won 't survive anyway , and keeping them alive was putting nearby cages at risk . But I was still sad for their tiny lives . It made me think how much we are affected by loss of life - if these little song birds made me sad , how sad are my friends who lost their owl , and how sad to know you killed another animal , and how sad to lose a person . Maybe we 're all selfish and want whoever died to remain in our lives to fulfill whatever role is now empty . Or maybe we know we await the same end and being reminded is just too scary . Or maybe we think it 's unfair that the deceased Posted by It 's like my life : it makes no sense . Well that week came out of nowhere . Last Wednesday my job was to take about 30 foreign students to this western " club " for $ 2 drinks and line dancing . The place was packed , despite the $ 8 cover and line dancing . One coworker had been with the students dancing and was going to be taken home early , so he comes over to my van , thinking I 'm the one driving him home , starts to push me off my seat and says , " Don 't worry , I 'll drive . " I turn around and he realizes I 'm not who he thought I was and starts apologizing like crazy . Then , " Ok , well give me a hug , cause I 'm drunk . " They leave in the other van and I head to Del Taco to pee . On my way out some foreign looking boys are on their way in , and I can 't tell if they 're my students or not , so I smile . Turns out they aren 't , but I 've already smiled and made eye contact so one comes over and ends up kissing my cheek . Thursday I found out one of the students has blood cancer and might not live more than a couple of months . He just got here , was planning on staying at least a year , and is here with his sister , who he doesn 't plan to tell . My response ? " Are you messing with me ? " But then I realize he isn 't even looking me in the eyes . And I feel like an ass . He shows me his leg and his veins are black . Fucking scary . After that I meet up with a friend for sushi and wait outside with Quail Man and Robin . ( No joke . Wish I 'd gotten a picture . ) After that my coworker gets off early and wants me to meet him at one of my favorite bars , which I discover is a 3 minute walk from my apartment . Somehow we end up talking with his friends about AIDS and herpes for like 20 minutes and they leave saying , " Always wear a condom . " Good advice . Porkchop couldn 't make it . Friday afternoon ( when I finally wake up ) I go for a run . Across the street from my apartment there 's a coffee shop and food mart , and on my way back I see a double decker bus sitting outside with a ton of Asians . Some of them were taking Asian glamor shots with their coffees and here I am runnPosted by You read that right . This week 3 different friends mentioned they not only read this little blog of mine but actually look forward to new posts . Yay ! Then I get a random e - mail from The Ex letting me know of some exposure I 've been getting , including Reddit and an Indonesian porn site . I was wondering how on Earth my blog was associated with porn , seeing how I don 't even write about it , so I did some googling . Turns out Lindsay Marie is a platinum blonde porn star , and she posed with some of her Indonesian coworkers . So , Lindsay Marie is an up and coming porn star . ( Also , me , the snarky writer , but I don 't turn up when you google my name . . . ) Her biography says , " you could call me the multi - talented model " because she can cook and sew , and walk and chew gum at the same time . She also likes to call herself a nude model , rather than porn star , maybe because I didn 't find any videos of her . She was an extra in some short non - porn film some years ago , but her popularity is down 27 % on IMDB . . . Gotta say , though , she looks pretty good in a pair of jeans . Here you go , boys , and I even included a link to her website so don 't say I never did anything for you . I 'm not much for bottle blondes , but she 's not too shabby . Thanks for reading ! And a little obsessive compulsive . And slightly germophobic . And I 'm living in an apartment that 's making me realize new levels of dirty . I think I don 't like this show because it 's me , minus cool detective talents . Because the person I share the apartment with ( who is also the building manager ) hardly ever uses anything beyond the door of his room , I have no idea how the kitchen got to be as gross as it is . Someone , somewhere along the line , made a sticky mess and no one cleaned it up . Until me . Meeting this guy and seeing the room was really awkward ( he 's not much of a people person , from what I gather . . . ) and I didn 't scope out the kitchen much . And I left myself almost no time to really search for places , plus this apartment came so cheaply for such a great area that I figured I 'd just deal with whatever weird issues . I already spent the better part of one day off cleaning , disinfecting and lining the shelves in the kitchen , fully grossing myself out , so I 'm not exactly stoked to jump in there and do it again , even if it means finishing the job . Who knows who used the kitchen in the past , or what they did in it , or how long the stickiness has been festering . I certainly don 't want to think about it , but when I go to pull out a drawer and my hand comes back with food particles on it I have to suppress my gag reflex . What I 'm trying hardest to understand is how my roommate can watch me clean the kitchen for 5 + hours and ask , " Is it that bad ? " Well , yeah , it is , but you wouldn 't know because you never use it . ( Plus side is there 's practically an entire kitchen for pretty much my use only . . . I just have to clean it first . ) He did offer to try to help keep it clean , but I 'm afraid we have very different ideas on what , exactly , " clean " is . I believe something must go through scrubbing to get all food particles off and then scrubbed again with soap and warm ( preferably hot ) water in order to be considered clean . I think his version of clean is rinsed and food particles mostly not on the eating surface . I even disinfectePosted by This is a perfect description of my life right now . Hindsight is great for realizing when certain things are bad combos . Like Sublime said , it does not pay to be drunk and horny . Luckily for me , I have this thing called foresight . I happen to know quite well how alcohol affects me , and because I happen to be pinning for a certain boy , I know I should not be drinking . But unfortunately I happen to know equally well how boredom affects me , and right now I have 6 hours before I have to be anywhere and a very silent cell phone with Said Boy 's phone number sitting right there , taunting me . Now , Said Boy does not have my phone number anymore so I have finally stopped getting that butterfly feeling when I get a text message , thinking beyond hope he 's contacted me . Sad , but that 's a step in the right direction . I realize some people might want to slap me for saying this , but at 24 this is the first time I 've been left . I was the one to do the leaving in my 2 relationships and because it took me for - freaking - ever to come to the decision both times , when I actually did it I was already kind of over it . So I have to say I feel a little heartbroken this time . Just when I 'm starting to get some significantly strong feelings for Said Boy it 's over . Which makes me sad all day . Plus , because I quit my job , now I don 't even have the ridiculously young but ridiculously good looking boys to look at anymore . Sigh . Hence , bored and missing Said Boy makes for an awkward post . Posted by At my job as shuttle driver for international students , the # 1 question I 'm asked about driving is , " Why do you have to stop at stop signs if there aren 't any other cars around ? " My answer is simply , " It 's the law and cops might be hiding and waiting to catch you if you don 't obey the law . " And now I know how right I am . Coming back from Sea World kind of late recently , I 'm at a stop sign a few blocks from home . This intersection doesn 't require all ways to stop and is partially a blind curve , so I always stop long enough to make sure no other cars / pedestrians are around before deciding it 's safe to continue . Plus , the back of my mind is always on cop alert ( Crown Victoria 's are all too easy to spot , and I 'll even get antsy when an occupied taxi is behind me ) . So I continue on , satisfied that no other vehicles were around . Imagine my confusion when all of a sudden some very angry lights and sirens come up behind me . Earlier that day , while working , a cop had come up very quickly with all lights on while I was doing 68ish in the fast lane . I got in the # 2 lane , very confused , hoping it wasn 't because the French students in the van were making faces or something , but the cop sped on past me , scaring and confusing the cars in front of me . This time , unfortunately , the cop was indeed targeting me . The guy sits with his searingly bright search lights trained on my little car for a few seconds before turning them off and getting out . Little unnecessary , I thought . Me : Hi . . . ? Cop : I pulled you over for running that stop sign . License , insurance and registration , please . Me : What ? I stopped . * Get wallet , fish through glove box * Cop : This is a AAA card . Me : Oh . . . here . * Get insurance card * Cop : * Writes down some stuff , takes my license and leaves . * Me : * Annoyed . * Cop : * Comes back with a ticket * You were going 10 MPH through the stop sign . I saw 3 cars ahead of you come to a complete stop . I look for the tires to stop moving . Yours didn 't . Me : Well that 's not true . Cop : You were going 5 MPH , maybe even as fast as 10 MPH . Sign here . ItPosted by Feels like it 's been a while since I was happy . I was the happiest I 've ever been last summer with my job , my home , and my situation in life . I was unhappy in my relationship , but that was easy enough to end , and then I was super happy . So what 's changed to make me unhappy ? ( 1 ) Had to leave my studio because I couldn 't afford it , ( 2 ) had to leave my job because there wasn 't enough work for them to keep me , ( 3 ) and I miss having a someone . These changes weren 't all bad , though : I got to live with a friend for 6 months , and he was the best roommate I 've ever had , I got to stay at the Wild Animal Park in a different department , and I got to have a . . . something . . . with . . . a someone for a little while . Step 1 : Since I still can 't afford another studio I have no choice but to have a roommate . Unfortunately , my friend and I couldn 't live together anymore because we both really wanted to live in different places . But that means I got to move back to Hillcrest for cheap . And if you see the previous post , you 'll learn that being able to go running in Balboa Park is my happy place . I love Hillcrest . This is my neighborhood . I 'd love to be able to buy a condo here . The atmosphere is so chill - people just do their own thing , there 's always groups of people out and about , so many restaurants and bars and places to have fun , lots of dogs , and easy access to other cool areas . Plus , I was able to set up my room to be a ( very ) miniature studio : I fit my couch and coffee table in my room , have a TV ( with cable ! ) , and a large bay window that the kitty loves to look out of . I filled the sill with scented candles to give it kind of a romantic setting and I have my own bathroom so I can be neurotic as I want with it . Only downside to this move is the new roommate : he kind of hid that he 's a smoker until I moved in ( he smokes outside but it still wafts into the kitchen ) and the kitchen needs cleaning and disinfecting like crazy . Still , not a whole lot of downside , so it was a happy move . Step 2 : Last September I cried on the steps to my buiPosted by Ridiculously happy . Now , I 'm not a long distance runner , a sprinter , I didn 't do track and field in high school ( but I did a pathetic year in 5th grade ) , and I 'm not training for a marathon or have any real desire to actually do a marathon ( 26 miles ? Why ? ) . But boy did I miss running . Right before Easter I twisted my ankle . I figured it wasn 't a big deal and the pain would go away in a day or two . Three months later I was still wrapping it and taking it easy ( probably should have actually seen someone about it , but I is broke ) . I also had zero motivation to go running because there was nowhere awesome to go . . . just some crappy little grass square that had a bunch of signs saying it was for the sole use of the tenants of the condo complexes surrounding it . Lame . But then I moved back to Hillcrest , and oh my goodness I have Balboa Park . I went for my first run in over 3 months a week ago and it felt FANTASTIC . Like the world was a happy place . Like I was a happy person . Like everything was going right . Like I just had amazing sex . So . Good . And believe me , I would have come straight to the computer and written to you all about how fantastic it was to not only go running again , but to go running in the most beautiful of city parks in my favorite neighborhood in America 's Finest City , but , alas , I did not have the Internet ( see previous post ) . For the last week I 've run every other day and it feels wonderful . I 've even incorporated this beautiful old foot bridge into my run and I go by a cafe / sandwich shop I want to spend insane amounts of money in . I 'm back with all these other runners , walkers , dog owners , yoga masters , and bocce ball players , and I feel like I belong . The Internet is a series of tubes . A friend of mine says I 'm addicted to my computer . And I guess he 's right , but really I 'm only addicted to my computer when it 's connected to the Internet . I think the worst thing about moving is not having the Internet for a few days . No Facebook , Fark , Netflix , or , worst of all , Blogger . The new roommate has a laptop but doesn 't use wireless Internet , so it 's on me to figure out how to make the old roommate 's router work ( still doesn 't , BTW ) . Luckily , a couple of neighbors have unprotected routers , so I do have enough of a signal to access previously mentioned websites , even though not usually for enough time to get through an episode of Californication uninterrupted . Point being , now I at least have some useful Internet and can feel connected to the world again . I can write , I can post those pictures to Facebook that I kept meaning to do , I can make fun of idiots around the world , and I can watch at least some Netflix . So get ready for an influx of posts I 've wanted to write for at least 2 weeks but couldn 't until now . Hooray !
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People covered in oil . Lucky them , they can take their clothes off . OK , seriously ? Another oil spill ? You know , fuck it . We 'll never learn . I guess it 's a good thing shit like this happens where people vacation , because if it was out in the middle of nowhere , where people weren 't affected , the spill and the damage it causes to wildlife would go unnoticed by the rest of us . Companies have to own up to their enormous mistakes because people will get all pissed at them , maybe sue , and will definitely have a negative opinion , which in turn will affect stocks . And fucking stock makes the world go round . Oiled muskrat . Though this spill is nowhere near as massive or damaging as the one in the Gulf , it 's still the most destructive thing that could happen to the area . And what really makes no sense is how the company , Enbridge , can ignore warnings about safety violations . This spill happened because a pipe corroded . Corrosion takes a while , and Enbridge obviously wasn 't keeping an eye on it or paying any attention to the warnings from the Pipeline and Hazardous Materials Safety Administration . With all the attention on the Gulf and BPs safety mistakes , wouldn 't you start making sure you 're not going to come under the same bad press ? Wouldn 't you make sure you didn 't get lumped in with big bad BP by replacing your damn pipes ? Now 35 miles of Kalamazoo river are tarnished , 35 miles of dead fish , dead frogs , oil - coated birds and muskrat , and a river bank that will be unsuitable for life for years . Really didn 't think I 'd be using the " oil spill " tag again this year . Google image search " single . " This week marks one full year of singledom ! If you 've read even somewhat consistently , you know that before last July I had been in one of two rather serious relationships , for 7 cumulative years , both ending either because I didn 't want to marry him or he didn 't want to marry me . So this year was a learning experience . One thing I learned is that when you 're pretty sure you 're going to be with the person you 're already with ( especially when that person is the only one you 've slept with ) it 's easy to make bold statements about what you 'll never do because you don 't think the opportunity will ever come up . But when that relationship died , so did the idea that I had to live by the standards I set for myself way back before adulthood . The question " why ? " suddenly became " why not ? " So , there was a neighbor , a roommate , a friend , a coworker , and a couple of category repeats who I got to one base or another with , despite all of them being on the " List of People I 'd Never ______ . " But none of those situations were spur of the moment , at least on my end . Before getting into those situations I 'd already made up my mind about what I was comfortable doing ; if I wasn 't comfortable with something it didn 't happen . And that 's how I avoid regret . I love Google image search . There were also some situations that never happened ( which was for the best , even though part of me really wanted them to ) , and others that could have been more , but I wasn 't comfortable enough at the time . The point of all this is to ultimately figure out what I 'm looking for . I 've already written about things I 've learned from the long - term boyfriends I 've had , and this year was an entirely different kind of learning . Now I have a better sense of who I am as well as who I want to be and what kind of person I want to be with . No idea why this showed up in Google image search for " single . " Every guy I kissed had some fatal flaw ( ranging from incredibly hot but crazy to just plain far away ) , which is why this has been the Year of thePosted by Bender really does have it right . Humans are the most destructive force on the planet . And some are just downright stupid . Take Elle Macpherson . Actress , model , designer , producer . Speaks 4 languages , lives in the UK , 2 kids , fucking rich . And she eats rhinoceros horn . Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ! What the fuck is an quasi - educated white woman doing buying BLACK MARKET ENDANGERED ANIMAL KERATIN ? Thanks to you , Elle , rhinos are still endangered . They 're still being killed for compressed hair . That 's right , hair . Save the stray hairs from your brush until you 've got a nice handful , then grate them on your salad . Or use your fingernail clippings . I 'm sure for a lot less than $ 100 grand you can go to a nail salon and ask them to save their clippings for you . What is it she thinks she gets out of rhino horn that she 's willing to pay out the ass for it ? She 's nearing 50 . . . maybe rhino horn is the fountain of youth ? What gets me even more is she 's the producer for Britain 's Next Top Model , which means all those aspiring young models , who might look up to her , might see that she takes rhino horn and might want to take it , too . Seriously guys , not only is it ridiculously silly , it 's illegal . She should have some sort of repercussion for admitting it ( and then lying about it : " Oh , it 's bad ? I mean , I didn 't know it was rhino horn , I just thought I was paying thousands for a vial of Chinese herb powder that helps me . . . um , I dunno , be pretty . " ) Fucking dumb . She should die like this poor girl : See that , Elle ? She had a 9 month old baby . And you killed her . That rhino was the last female in Krugersdorp Park in South Africa . Her baby watched the killing and was then moved to an area with other rhino orphans . There are at best 18 , 000 rhinos in all of Africa right now . Most of them are Southern White rhinos , like 4 are Northern White , and a few thousand are Black rhinos . Rhinos are most protected on reserves , but guess what ? This picture was taken on a reserve . Not very protected . This pisses me off so fucking much . It 's 100 % pointlePosted by Apparently . At least , that 's what the Westboro Baptist Church would have you believe . They came all the way to my city ( which , don 't know if you know , happens to be America 's Finest ) to hold up signs that said , " God hates fags . " Follow the logic ? Me either . Ignore for a moment that anything the WBC does makes the opposite of sense . Focus instead on them only sending 2 protesters who , in order to get their point across , each held up like 4 signs . Focus also on the genius of my community and the nerd community in holding up counter protest signs , like " God loves gay robin " ( who I met at sushi last week ) , " Is this thing on ? " , " Superman died for people 's sins , " and " Kill all humans . " That last one was from Bender . The WBC hides their activities behind freedom of speech and freedom of religion . However , many of the things they do is pure and simple terrorism ( protesting fallen soldier 's funerals , for example ) . It baffles me that they get away with it right here on our own land . At what point do freedom of speech and freedom of religion stop being rights and start being an infringement on other people 's rights ? When does it become terrorism ? The WBC has long since crossed that border , and in my opinion they need to be taken down . I only wish I had been there to see them ; I 'd have sent my own message with water balloons . On the other hand , I guess it does kind of make sense . The WBC is full of zombies , and so is Comic Con . Ba - dum - pah ! Speaking of which , I headed downtown last night for some people watching and was not disappointed . Along with several zombies , I saw pirates , Super Woman , Cat Woman , some sort of Frankenstein - esque woman , a guy walking around with a Yoda doll , Sailor Moon , plain old dominatrixes , and a female Avatar ( my phone camera sucks so I couldn 't get a picture , but she wore a bikini top , thong and high heels and was covered in blue and purple paint ) . Plus , my friend decided to get in on the action by holding 3 straws and being Wolverine . I rocked my longcat shirt and it was totally recognized . I love San DiLindsay Marie Rest in peace . Death is unfair , painful and scary . It doesn 't matter if it 's just a little sparrow or squirrel or a friend or family member . Death sucks . A friend of mine learned a classmate from high school died recently , and he didn 't expect it to affect him as significantly as it did . Another friend accidently killed a squirrel while driving , and , again , he didn 't expect it to affect him as significantly as it did . An owl ambassador died , deeply affecting many of my friends and former coworkers . That owl 's death also affected me more than I thought : though I didn 't know him I had met him ; he was the last animal ambassador I saw before I left the Park . Then today was my first day volunteering for Project Wildlife . While feeding my last cage of baby birds one just wasn 't interested in eating . I notified a manager , handed over the tiny guy , and she said she had to euthanize him . He and his cagemates had conjunctivitis , which is pink eye in humans but in birds is a virus that might never go away . Acute cases are euthanized . A minute later another bird started sneezing so again I called over the manager . He wasn 't even opening his eyes , so she took him away too . Then she saw the eyes of the other 2 birds in the cage and made the decision to euthanize them all . I 'd just been feeding them for 5 minutes and was already attached enough to be sad at their deaths . I knew it was for the best - no reason to prolong suffering and waste our resources on animals that won 't survive anyway , and keeping them alive was putting nearby cages at risk . But I was still sad for their tiny lives . It made me think how much we are affected by loss of life - if these little song birds made me sad , how sad are my friends who lost their owl , and how sad to know you killed another animal , and how sad to lose a person . Maybe we 're all selfish and want whoever died to remain in our lives to fulfill whatever role is now empty . Or maybe we know we await the same end and being reminded is just too scary . Or maybe we think it 's unfair that the deceased Posted by It 's like my life : it makes no sense . Well that week came out of nowhere . Last Wednesday my job was to take about 30 foreign students to this western " club " for $ 2 drinks and line dancing . The place was packed , despite the $ 8 cover and line dancing . One coworker had been with the students dancing and was going to be taken home early , so he comes over to my van , thinking I 'm the one driving him home , starts to push me off my seat and says , " Don 't worry , I 'll drive . " I turn around and he realizes I 'm not who he thought I was and starts apologizing like crazy . Then , " Ok , well give me a hug , cause I 'm drunk . " They leave in the other van and I head to Del Taco to pee . On my way out some foreign looking boys are on their way in , and I can 't tell if they 're my students or not , so I smile . Turns out they aren 't , but I 've already smiled and made eye contact so one comes over and ends up kissing my cheek . Thursday I found out one of the students has blood cancer and might not live more than a couple of months . He just got here , was planning on staying at least a year , and is here with his sister , who he doesn 't plan to tell . My response ? " Are you messing with me ? " But then I realize he isn 't even looking me in the eyes . And I feel like an ass . He shows me his leg and his veins are black . Fucking scary . After that I meet up with a friend for sushi and wait outside with Quail Man and Robin . ( No joke . Wish I 'd gotten a picture . ) After that my coworker gets off early and wants me to meet him at one of my favorite bars , which I discover is a 3 minute walk from my apartment . Somehow we end up talking with his friends about AIDS and herpes for like 20 minutes and they leave saying , " Always wear a condom . " Good advice . Porkchop couldn 't make it . Friday afternoon ( when I finally wake up ) I go for a run . Across the street from my apartment there 's a coffee shop and food mart , and on my way back I see a double decker bus sitting outside with a ton of Asians . Some of them were taking Asian glamor shots with their coffees and here I am runnPosted by You read that right . This week 3 different friends mentioned they not only read this little blog of mine but actually look forward to new posts . Yay ! Then I get a random e - mail from The Ex letting me know of some exposure I 've been getting , including Reddit and an Indonesian porn site . I was wondering how on Earth my blog was associated with porn , seeing how I don 't even write about it , so I did some googling . Turns out Lindsay Marie is a platinum blonde porn star , and she posed with some of her Indonesian coworkers . So , Lindsay Marie is an up and coming porn star . ( Also , me , the snarky writer , but I don 't turn up when you google my name . . . ) Her biography says , " you could call me the multi - talented model " because she can cook and sew , and walk and chew gum at the same time . She also likes to call herself a nude model , rather than porn star , maybe because I didn 't find any videos of her . She was an extra in some short non - porn film some years ago , but her popularity is down 27 % on IMDB . . . Gotta say , though , she looks pretty good in a pair of jeans . Here you go , boys , and I even included a link to her website so don 't say I never did anything for you . I 'm not much for bottle blondes , but she 's not too shabby . Thanks for reading ! And a little obsessive compulsive . And slightly germophobic . And I 'm living in an apartment that 's making me realize new levels of dirty . I think I don 't like this show because it 's me , minus cool detective talents . Because the person I share the apartment with ( who is also the building manager ) hardly ever uses anything beyond the door of his room , I have no idea how the kitchen got to be as gross as it is . Someone , somewhere along the line , made a sticky mess and no one cleaned it up . Until me . Meeting this guy and seeing the room was really awkward ( he 's not much of a people person , from what I gather . . . ) and I didn 't scope out the kitchen much . And I left myself almost no time to really search for places , plus this apartment came so cheaply for such a great area that I figured I 'd just deal with whatever weird issues . I already spent the better part of one day off cleaning , disinfecting and lining the shelves in the kitchen , fully grossing myself out , so I 'm not exactly stoked to jump in there and do it again , even if it means finishing the job . Who knows who used the kitchen in the past , or what they did in it , or how long the stickiness has been festering . I certainly don 't want to think about it , but when I go to pull out a drawer and my hand comes back with food particles on it I have to suppress my gag reflex . What I 'm trying hardest to understand is how my roommate can watch me clean the kitchen for 5 + hours and ask , " Is it that bad ? " Well , yeah , it is , but you wouldn 't know because you never use it . ( Plus side is there 's practically an entire kitchen for pretty much my use only . . . I just have to clean it first . ) He did offer to try to help keep it clean , but I 'm afraid we have very different ideas on what , exactly , " clean " is . I believe something must go through scrubbing to get all food particles off and then scrubbed again with soap and warm ( preferably hot ) water in order to be considered clean . I think his version of clean is rinsed and food particles mostly not on the eating surface . I even disinfectePosted by This is a perfect description of my life right now . Hindsight is great for realizing when certain things are bad combos . Like Sublime said , it does not pay to be drunk and horny . Luckily for me , I have this thing called foresight . I happen to know quite well how alcohol affects me , and because I happen to be pinning for a certain boy , I know I should not be drinking . But unfortunately I happen to know equally well how boredom affects me , and right now I have 6 hours before I have to be anywhere and a very silent cell phone with Said Boy 's phone number sitting right there , taunting me . Now , Said Boy does not have my phone number anymore so I have finally stopped getting that butterfly feeling when I get a text message , thinking beyond hope he 's contacted me . Sad , but that 's a step in the right direction . I realize some people might want to slap me for saying this , but at 24 this is the first time I 've been left . I was the one to do the leaving in my 2 relationships and because it took me for - freaking - ever to come to the decision both times , when I actually did it I was already kind of over it . So I have to say I feel a little heartbroken this time . Just when I 'm starting to get some significantly strong feelings for Said Boy it 's over . Which makes me sad all day . Plus , because I quit my job , now I don 't even have the ridiculously young but ridiculously good looking boys to look at anymore . Sigh . Hence , bored and missing Said Boy makes for an awkward post . Posted by At my job as shuttle driver for international students , the # 1 question I 'm asked about driving is , " Why do you have to stop at stop signs if there aren 't any other cars around ? " My answer is simply , " It 's the law and cops might be hiding and waiting to catch you if you don 't obey the law . " And now I know how right I am . Coming back from Sea World kind of late recently , I 'm at a stop sign a few blocks from home . This intersection doesn 't require all ways to stop and is partially a blind curve , so I always stop long enough to make sure no other cars / pedestrians are around before deciding it 's safe to continue . Plus , the back of my mind is always on cop alert ( Crown Victoria 's are all too easy to spot , and I 'll even get antsy when an occupied taxi is behind me ) . So I continue on , satisfied that no other vehicles were around . Imagine my confusion when all of a sudden some very angry lights and sirens come up behind me . Earlier that day , while working , a cop had come up very quickly with all lights on while I was doing 68ish in the fast lane . I got in the # 2 lane , very confused , hoping it wasn 't because the French students in the van were making faces or something , but the cop sped on past me , scaring and confusing the cars in front of me . This time , unfortunately , the cop was indeed targeting me . The guy sits with his searingly bright search lights trained on my little car for a few seconds before turning them off and getting out . Little unnecessary , I thought . Me : Hi . . . ? Cop : I pulled you over for running that stop sign . License , insurance and registration , please . Me : What ? I stopped . * Get wallet , fish through glove box * Cop : This is a AAA card . Me : Oh . . . here . * Get insurance card * Cop : * Writes down some stuff , takes my license and leaves . * Me : * Annoyed . * Cop : * Comes back with a ticket * You were going 10 MPH through the stop sign . I saw 3 cars ahead of you come to a complete stop . I look for the tires to stop moving . Yours didn 't . Me : Well that 's not true . Cop : You were going 5 MPH , maybe even as fast as 10 MPH . Sign here . ItPosted by Feels like it 's been a while since I was happy . I was the happiest I 've ever been last summer with my job , my home , and my situation in life . I was unhappy in my relationship , but that was easy enough to end , and then I was super happy . So what 's changed to make me unhappy ? ( 1 ) Had to leave my studio because I couldn 't afford it , ( 2 ) had to leave my job because there wasn 't enough work for them to keep me , ( 3 ) and I miss having a someone . These changes weren 't all bad , though : I got to live with a friend for 6 months , and he was the best roommate I 've ever had , I got to stay at the Wild Animal Park in a different department , and I got to have a . . . something . . . with . . . a someone for a little while . Step 1 : Since I still can 't afford another studio I have no choice but to have a roommate . Unfortunately , my friend and I couldn 't live together anymore because we both really wanted to live in different places . But that means I got to move back to Hillcrest for cheap . And if you see the previous post , you 'll learn that being able to go running in Balboa Park is my happy place . I love Hillcrest . This is my neighborhood . I 'd love to be able to buy a condo here . The atmosphere is so chill - people just do their own thing , there 's always groups of people out and about , so many restaurants and bars and places to have fun , lots of dogs , and easy access to other cool areas . Plus , I was able to set up my room to be a ( very ) miniature studio : I fit my couch and coffee table in my room , have a TV ( with cable ! ) , and a large bay window that the kitty loves to look out of . I filled the sill with scented candles to give it kind of a romantic setting and I have my own bathroom so I can be neurotic as I want with it . Only downside to this move is the new roommate : he kind of hid that he 's a smoker until I moved in ( he smokes outside but it still wafts into the kitchen ) and the kitchen needs cleaning and disinfecting like crazy . Still , not a whole lot of downside , so it was a happy move . Step 2 : Last September I cried on the steps to my buiPosted by Ridiculously happy . Now , I 'm not a long distance runner , a sprinter , I didn 't do track and field in high school ( but I did a pathetic year in 5th grade ) , and I 'm not training for a marathon or have any real desire to actually do a marathon ( 26 miles ? Why ? ) . But boy did I miss running . Right before Easter I twisted my ankle . I figured it wasn 't a big deal and the pain would go away in a day or two . Three months later I was still wrapping it and taking it easy ( probably should have actually seen someone about it , but I is broke ) . I also had zero motivation to go running because there was nowhere awesome to go . . . just some crappy little grass square that had a bunch of signs saying it was for the sole use of the tenants of the condo complexes surrounding it . Lame . But then I moved back to Hillcrest , and oh my goodness I have Balboa Park . I went for my first run in over 3 months a week ago and it felt FANTASTIC . Like the world was a happy place . Like I was a happy person . Like everything was going right . Like I just had amazing sex . So . Good . And believe me , I would have come straight to the computer and written to you all about how fantastic it was to not only go running again , but to go running in the most beautiful of city parks in my favorite neighborhood in America 's Finest City , but , alas , I did not have the Internet ( see previous post ) . For the last week I 've run every other day and it feels wonderful . I 've even incorporated this beautiful old foot bridge into my run and I go by a cafe / sandwich shop I want to spend insane amounts of money in . I 'm back with all these other runners , walkers , dog owners , yoga masters , and bocce ball players , and I feel like I belong . The Internet is a series of tubes . A friend of mine says I 'm addicted to my computer . And I guess he 's right , but really I 'm only addicted to my computer when it 's connected to the Internet . I think the worst thing about moving is not having the Internet for a few days . No Facebook , Fark , Netflix , or , worst of all , Blogger . The new roommate has a laptop but doesn 't use wireless Internet , so it 's on me to figure out how to make the old roommate 's router work ( still doesn 't , BTW ) . Luckily , a couple of neighbors have unprotected routers , so I do have enough of a signal to access previously mentioned websites , even though not usually for enough time to get through an episode of Californication uninterrupted . Point being , now I at least have some useful Internet and can feel connected to the world again . I can write , I can post those pictures to Facebook that I kept meaning to do , I can make fun of idiots around the world , and I can watch at least some Netflix . So get ready for an influx of posts I 've wanted to write for at least 2 weeks but couldn 't until now . Hooray !
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Today has not been a good day . The last link with my Grandfather 's family passed away this morning and has left a void that will be quite impossible to fill . Born Lilian Dorothy Butcher in February 1915 , the second youngest of a family of 12 . Aunt was always known to us as Doll , the nick name given to her by her brothers because of her petite size . Whilst she was never a large lady in size she had both character and depth far great than anyone I have ever known . Aunt married Richard May at St Nicholas Church Guildford in 1936 . Widowed in 1958 Aunt never remarried , but devoted her life to her son , nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews . Whilst this posting may seem rather morbid , I didn 't want to let Aunt 's passing be unmentioned . I have some wonderful memories and in time , when I feel stronger , they will appear in this blog in remembrance of a true lady . I was indeed very lucky to have had such a wonderful relationship with her , both as Great Aunt and as my Godmother . I will truly miss her . She is now reunited with her beloved husband , son and her siblings . Photo taken May 2008 . I have simply loved writing the advent calendar posts . These have been huge journalling prompts and have encouraged me to write and think about times past . They have also highlighted to me the questions that I wish I had asked . I have though not managed to keep to schedule , which is personally irritating to me and what subjects I have not posted on as yet will be posted on during the next few days . Alas , work has been the culprit this year and I have certainly lost my work - home life balence which will be recovered for 2011 . Christmas always has its sad moments , in that we miss our deceased relatives , and yet remember with fondness and love those who have passed away . My Grandmother , always comes to my mind because her birthday , on 18th December was a week before Christmas and this has appeared elsewhere during the Advent Calender postings . The last Christmas my Grandmother was alive she came to stay with us . Stuart did lots of recordings of her , asking her questions and listening to her remembering past times . Even now , some 14 years on I can not listen to those tapes or watch the video . When Stuart transfers it to DVD which he will do next year he 'll do it when I am out as I still miss her dreadfully . Then in the late 1990s my Nephew , then aged 16 years died on 18th December as a result of a tragic accident involving another school boy . His funeral was on Christmas Eve and although I was not especially close to my Nephew , my husband was and my thoughts always turn to him and the fact that his young life was wasted . This year we lost my Father in Law and this is the first Christmas without him . Likewise , I was not especially close to him , but his death , was unexpected and this year will of course bring sadness to our Christmas . Amongst that sadness is of course joy , as each of those individuals has a special place in our hearts and we have some wonderful memories , which , when the time is right will probably appear in this blog . May they rest in peace , in the knowledge that they are missed everyday . The first full lunar eclipse to coincide with a winter solstice since 1554 . UK & Europe will be able to watch from 0741 GMT on Tuesday 21st Dec . I was up in anticipation of seeing something wonderful . Sadly it was cloudy where I was and that was rather disappointing . There have been some great photos posted on the web . Here is the photograph posted to the local BBC radio station on Face Book - Good Morning Devon and here is the details from Sky News . Over the last three or four weeks we have had very cold weather , heavy frosts and the odd sprinkle of snow , so I was not overly surprised to find a heavy frost as we left the house at midnight on Saturday . We live half way on a hill in a cul - de - sac and the car was pointing the wrong way . Which meant that we had to drive down and turn . There is always a horrid bit in the middle of the turning area which has a tendancy to get very icy and Saturday morning was no exception . So there I was at midnight trying to push the car . Just when it seemed hopeless we managed it and set off . I spent the next hour or so pushing the trolley round gathering groceries . We made it home and I collapsed into bed at abou 2am , planning on sleeping until 7am when I needed to be up and away for work . Imagine my horror when I saw this at 7 . 00am I went to leave and we tried to move the car and made it to the turning point , then . . . . . Lots of wheel spins and Anglo Saxon . We managed with the help of a neighbour , some carpet under the wheels and sand to get the car back outside the house which is halfway up the hill . I have worked muscles that perhaps are new or have not been used in the last 20 years ! Anyway , I didn 't make it to work . Monday faired no better . We had no more snow here , but we had dreadful icy conditions . Driving was not an option and actually neither was walking . I don 't recall ever having a stocking as a child , just this pillowcase into which my presents were placed . Since I have been married to what can only be described as the biggest Christmas baby of all time ! Stuart 's birthday is on the 21st and he simply LOVES Christmas , I have always prepared a stocking for everyone . Traditionally , I know that stockings always contain fruits and nuts and perhaps a small toy , or at least that is what my Grandmother always said was in her stocking . This year I went to fill the stockings to struggle to find them . I sorted through the Christmas decorations box several times to no avail , and resorted to having the wrap the stocking gifts on Christmas Eve . Note to self to buy some nice new ones for 2011 . Today 's posting is a free for all . Tomorrow , 18th December 2010 would have been my beloved Grandmother 's birthday . Born in 18th December 1912 Lilian Edith Matthews to John Matthews and Elizabeth Mary nee Elstone at Guildford Surrey England . Gran was one of 11 children and the second child to be both in 1912 , although she was not a twin . My Uncle had been born in the January of the same year ! She married my Grandfather George Butcher in November 1939 and ironically made her marital home in the same road that she was born in , just at the opposite end of the road ! No photographs of the wedding have ever been located , but here are two from my collection . The first one ( above ) of my Grandmother aged 12 years and the second taken ( below ) at her 21st Birthday . Mum has used the following recipe since the early 1980s , actually my Grandmother spotted it in a copy of Woman Magazine , and since then we have used this one , albeit , the copy does look in rather a sorry state ! The actual date is gleened from a book review on the reverse of the recipe - 1983 ! Here is the cake for the Christmas of 2006 , icing was not brilliant as I recall , probably too much wine ! See the original post from 2006 Although I now live in the West Country of England , I was born and brought up in Guildford Surrey , and still consider that home . There was always a magical feel about Guildford , the cobbled historical High Street with the Rotary Club playing music , usually outside W H Smiths and collecting for local charities , The shops full of Christmas decorations and music and the temperature fresh and cold , but not like the weather of late , where the temperature has been well below freezing , not typical for the UK . In the last 10 years or so the world of retail therapy has changed beyond recognition . I am pondering back to the days when shops closed at 5 or 6pm apart from perhaps local deli 's and corner shops and the only other shops open into the evening were DIY stores and supermarkets and those were open late until 7 or 8pm . In the run up to Christmas the shops would open on Sundays and even the post was delivered on a Sunday too for the few sundays preceding Christmas . Now we live in a world when you can do your grocery shopping in the early hours and shop online . I wonder what previous generations would make of that ? The shops being open on a Sunday back then had a magical feel to it , and somehow in this world of technology we have lost some of the Christmas magic . On Christmas Eve we always attended Midnight Mass at Holy Trinity Church , an impressive church situated at the top of the High Street . We did not live in Holy Trinity parish , but in St Nicholas , but always attended at Holy Trinity . It wasn 't until I started researching my own family history that I established that we had links to the parish that start with my Several times Great Grandfather George Ellis born in 1811 in Holy Trinity parish . Having now moved to the South West I do not feel that same enthusiasm to go to the local church for the midnight mass and very often we are well in bed before the magical hour . Oh my , I was doing some Christmas shopping today and pondering on some small bits to go into a couple of Christmas stockings . I was overwhelmed with the incredible amount of expensive nothing presents , and wonder just how we got to be such a society . My Grandmother always said that she and her siblings had a Christmas stocking . In it was a sugar mouse , a tangerine and some nuts . The boys had a small car or soldier and the girls a small dolly . The money value for the early 20th Century to a working class family preparing stockings for a family of 11 children would have meant cuts in other areas of expenditure to provide those meagre gifts . In comparison to the stockings of today when we spend so much more and I wonder if we really enjoy the gifts we receive and give ? Or are we simply swept away in the retail commercial hyper . On my bookcase are several books given to me by family members , in some cases relatives that are no longer here . I was surprised to see that I had kept the gift card in one book dated 1985 . The book rarely looked at now , holds many special memories and now sits as one of my treasured possessions . One gift that I love dearly was bought for me by my husband two or three years ago . I would never have purchased it myself , not due to the expense , or the thought that I would hardly wear it , but simply because I just wouldn 't . So I treasure it not only because Stuart bought it for me , but because it is a beautiful simple gift that says more than many words , and one that is a treat for me , and only me . Of course , no matter how big the gift or how expensive the gift , the ones that we treasure the most are those that create such wonderful memories . I have used AVG for anti - virus for about 10 years and always upgraded at the point of when the upgrades are released . This year was no exception for attempting the upgrade , the issue was the success of the upgrade . I have spent a huge amount of the last 3 days removing the last version and installing the new version . Each time , as usual the machine needs to shut down and reboot . The problem occurred when each time the reboot happened that there was no evidence of the new version . I trawled through the online AVG forums and there were references that others had had this issue of remove old , install new , reboot and then repeat , with no success of actually loading the new program . I was simply grateful that I was trying to update my desktop PC running XP rather than my laptop on Vista . I finally had success - Hooray ! 1 . Read http : / / www . avg . com / ww - en / faq ? num = 3262 # faq _ 3262and check that you have administrator facilities on your computer2 . Install the 2011 programme viahttp : / / free . avg . com / gb - en / download - avg - anti - virus - free3 . Make sure that the files are not still lingering on your PC - check Program files AND in documents and settings deleting any references to AVG 7 , AVG 8 , AVG 9 and Grisoft . ( I had some as Grisoft and almost missed it ) 4 . Then ensure that ALL evidence of previous versions is removed from the computer registry by visiting http : / / www . avg . com / ww - en / download - tools ( use 32 bit if your not sure of 32 or 64 . ) 5 . You MIGHT need to re do point 2 and that is fine ! I completed the above steps for my XP desktop and my Vista laptop . Disclaimer : I am not a shareholder in AVG , just a satisfied ( and temporarily frustrated AVG user ! ) . I am no computer expert , if I had been it would not have taken me 3 days ! so follow the above advice with caution and please do not email me with hate emails if it goes wrong , but I successfully managed it ! Good luck ! I think one of the most memorable Christmas Parties has to be Australia 1996 . We had only been in our current home for about 4 weeks , we were still knee deep in packing boxes in some rooms - my study especially . We left England on 19th December and arrived in Sydney on 21st December . I will never forget the flight . We flew with a Greek airline because we had had to change our travel plans at short notice as my Cousin who was getting married between Christmas & New Year had , had a change of plans . We had a direct flight , well as direct as 10 , 000 miles can be , with a stop over in Bangkok for a refuel . Every time the plane landed and took off there was an eruption of clapping and cheering . I put it down to Christmas spirit rather cheering successful flying ! I don 't recall it being exceptionally cold here that year before Christmas , but we spent 50 hours traveling door to door and left temperatures of approximately 10 degrees centigrade and arrived to about 28 degrees centigrade , and definitely over dressed ! We arrived on Stuart 's birthday , therefore everyone had gathered at my cousin 's house for our arrival which was fantastic . That year Christmas started on the 19th December and lasted through the arrival party , Christmas , my cousin 's wedding , New Year up until we left on 19th January . Very happy memories . I can 't remember going to Santa , but I guess I did . I asked Mum if she could remember and she said she took me when I was between the ages of 3 - 5 to see the Santa at the Debenhams department store in Guildford . I was apparently not keen to go and was unimpressed and she didn 't take me again . Mum went onto say with a bit of a smirk that I was fairly antisocial ! Me , antisocial , surely not ! Anyway , I went onto explain to Mum why I was probably unimpressed with Santa . I can 't recall exactly when , but I recall waking up one year in the early hours of Christmas morning to Mum in her red dressing gown putting my stocking come pillowcase at the bottom of the bed . I guess then , my thoughts of a man with a red gown and white , bushy beard were shattered . I can though still remember this red dressing gown with small flowers on with green leafy bits and yellow petals . It was the early 1970s and I am sure Mum is delighted that there is no photograph of the said dressing gown ! What is amazing is that I had never actually confessed to seeing Mum that Christmas morning until we discussed it for me to write this blog post . This random gathering of keys represents bits of our lives , both as single individuals and as a couple . I came across the pot of miscellaneous keys at the back of one of the cupboards in the breakfast room this morning . When we married we put all the keys together in a pot , not current keys , but ones we thought we perhaps should keep just incase . We have lived in this house 14 years and over the years have added to the box , but do we know what the keys belong to ? It is anyone 's guess . , although I have a few ideas for some of the keys . It made me think though , as individuals or couples we accumulate and gather a whole host of stuff , things we keep because they mean something to us , but perhaps not to other people . Our ancestors did it and perhaps we have inherited their collection of " stuff " and we now wonder just what that pile of bits meant to them . Perhaps we will leave a collection of things to our descendants or inheritants that are a total mystery . Every little thing our lives touch means something . Food for though . . . . . . . I am not a fan of outside decorations , but Stuart is . He loves the whole Christmas thing - music on the radio , CDs , decorations , foods and I guess cards , as long as he isn 't is writing them ! Last year was the first year we had an outside decoration . Even I have to say it , they were some subtle while ice lights that dripped down from the second floor windows . Alas they did not survive the untypical harsh winter and returned to the shop for a refund . We have since then replaced them with a more sturdy set ready for this Christmas but they are not up yet , but I know Stuart is getting itchy to get the tree and decorations up . As I said in an earlier post we have a small outside tree with some suitable lights they are not up yet either , but as soon as I do there will be photos ! Back in 1996 we spent Christmas in far warmer climes ; in NSW Australia with family . The street lights and decorations put on by residents in one street , Athol Street in Wagga Wagga was very impressive . I am not sure if I took photos , but I will see if there are any , there were certainly LOTS of photos of the trip and if I find one of all the Christmas lights & decorations I 'll upload it . I remember both my Mum and Grandmother sending cards , but not how many or what happened to them . I have a few old cards , perhaps the last one received from a particular relative , or those with a photograph or letter . Any that my Grandmother received I now have . Currently they are in a box packed away in a box awaiting scanning and archiving . I can 't really remember where they were displayed , I suspect the mantlepiece as that is where I have mine and on the dresser and other furniture in our lounge . I probably started sending cards when I as about 12 or 13 . Mainly to school friends , but when I left home and then subsequently married to family members . In many cases a Christmas card is the only contact we have , which is a shame . When we first set up home together and started sending cards as a couple I asked for Stuart 's card list . He looked at me blankly and said he only sent about 6 cards , I was amazed , that meant the other 60 odd were mine ! Since then I have written all the cards and letters and Stuart 's list has not really got any bigger . My list has reduced a little bit , but not by much . Even people that I communicate with online these days still get a card in the post and they get an additional email . I keep the email letters and file these with letters I recieve , along with any letters and cards that arrive in the mail . I usually aim to send my cards out early December , but each year I seem to get later and later . The overseas ones always go first . I can always predict which card I receive first and sure enough my cousin and her husband 's card arrived on Wednesday as predicited ! At the end of the 1980s I bought a card booklet , with the details of card and present and address . The book was set up for about 10 years . At the end of the 10 years I looked around for another book similar but no one seems to sell them anymore , so I have a bit of paper in my Christmas card box and each year tick or highlight in a pen to say that I sent the card . I really should find a better way of recording it , but somehow the scrappy bPosted by The collection of tree ornaments we have are ones that we bought from our first Christmas together . There are others that were given to us by my Mum and each year Stuart and I buy at least one ornament to keep the tradition going . We tend to go for the reds and golds but there are some others that have special meanings to us , such as a Spode china Millenium bauble which always has pride of place , and a gold bell which has a picture of a Border Terrier on the side , which we bought the first Christmas we lost our lovely Monty in 2008 . We also have a lovely set of the Lilliput Lane tree decorations as Stuart collections the lovely houses , and especially the snowy and wintery ones . The decorations that we had as when I was a child are still with my Mum . The original fairy which I mentioned earlier this week is still in the family . I think Mum has it and she thinks I have it , and we won 't know until we both put our trees up and find it ! - Photos though as soon as I do . As a child we used to have chocolate ornaments on the tree which I was never allowed to have until Christmas Eve , and even then , only one . Now I don 't have them as we have our current Border Terrier , Alfie just incase he is tempted by the chocolate . My Grandmother always used to buy hamper coupons from the Unigate milkman , I don 't know if she received any special discount as my Grandfather had worked for them up until he retired , but she always had the coupons and then exchanged them a week or so before Christmas for a hamper . There was always lovely boxes of chocolates , biscuits , tins of ham and deserts and a shop made Christmas pudding . I am sure that there may have been a bottle of Sherry in the hamper , even though my Grandmother was not able to drink alcohol . There was also some lemonade and dilutable juices - like Robinsons , and some fruit . We always had Turkey for Christmas Day along with the trimmings . On Boxing Day the usual lunch meal was bubble and Squeak with either the Turkey cold or made into Rissoles . I still have the mincer that my Grandmother used and I still do some of things that we did when I was a child , and those special moments live on for another generation . Every year , this rather tatty extract from a Woman 's Realm Mag appears . I had chance to have a proper glance at it . The receipe is from The Archer 's Country Cookbook by Martha Woodford published in 1977 . Melt the chocolate over a basin of hot water . Beat in the icing sugar , egg yolk , almonds , cream and rum and pound altogether until mixture is smooth , and form into little balls . Roll each truffle in a little vermicelli and coat it . As a child we always had an artificial Christmas tree I think , usually a traditional styled green one with pretty coloured fairy lights and the fairy that my Grandparents used to put on their tree . When I married we purchased a lovely and different artifical white tree which we got from the department store here in the UK called Alders , they have since gone under , but the tree lives on , albeit , in the loft . Our current tree is also artificial , a beautiful green one , with a hit of snow and built in lights , nice and tall , well taller than me ! - Its about six foot . My hubby is the usual tree decorator in this house , I find it a bit of a performance ; I am not known for lots of patience ! I would really love a real tree , but we don 't mainly because of mess and because they are not terribly pet friendly ! BUT , outside , on the edge of our path leading to the house we have a medium size planter situated on the end pillar . There did use to be a leaping salmon until it disappeared , despite us not living in a dubious area , anyway after spending over a year looking for a replacement fish , and failing we decided on the planter . That spent a few months empty then last Christmas we saw in the local garden centre a miniture Blue Spruz and thought why not ? It sat in the planter , undecorated last year as we were not able to find suitable lights for it , but this year , well wait and see ( photo as soon as the lights on and the indoor tree is up ) . Uploaded 21st Dec photo of the indoor tree , once again decorated by hubby ! I periodically do a Google search with the words Swans on the Wey to see what it displays . Usually I get a whole pile of entrys which reflect each of the words individually , even with the phrase in quotes , but today , I stuck almost lucky . I stumbled across a lovely painting at a Blog called Don 's Adventures and I simply has to post a comment on that Blog . The painting , of two graceful swans on the River Wey in Surrey England reminds me of a painting that I saw in an art gallary in the shopping centre in Sutton ( Surrey ) . My Grandmother died in April 1995 and it was just after this that I saw the painting . I was enthralled with it . I had the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I " wanted that painting " . The shop was closing so I was unable to go in . Thinking that I was " safe " I left it to the next day . I went back the next day to find the painting had left the window , I hoped it has been moved , but alas sold and taken by the new owners . I felt almost distraught for a paining that I could never own . I wish I knew who the artist was , but alas all I can remember was the title Swans on the Wey , which was perfect as I have lots of memories of my beloved Grandmother feeding the Swans on the River Wey which was at the end of her garden . Thanks go to Don for sharing such a lovely picture and bringing to life some lovely and treasured memories . As I said in an earlier post I managed to photograph some images that were originally camcordered back in 1993 . This is two of those images . These photo shows my later Father in Law , Derek Goucher 's first cousin Florence Ramage nee Worship along with someone called Rani Maharaj Singh . I had known from stories told to me that Florence and her husband John had spent some time in India , and there are photos to confirm that . They clearly moved in the Indian Society circles of the times - which would have been the early to mid 1950s , so just after Independence from the " British Empire " So who was Rani Maharaj Singh ? The photographs were taken to commemorate the YMCA Carnival in 1953Rani Maharaj Singh was the wife of the first Indian Governor of Bombay ( 1948 - 1952 ) , the Honorable Raja Maharaj Singh . In 1949 She led Bombay 's City Council for child welfare with funds that had been pledged by UNESCO . In 1952 Rani Maharaj Singh is mentioned in the Day books of Eleanor Roosevelt . With the entry for 11th March 1952 reading " . . . . . We returned on time for a luncheon given by the Governor and Her Excellency , Rani Maharaj Singh . It has been a great joy to have Mrs . Pandit here , for she is the most thoughtful hostess imaginable . . . . . . . . . " So it would appear that Rani Maharah Singh held quite a place in the history of India and it really is quite interesting how she came to meet Florence Ramage , perhaps at a fund raising event . Back in 1993 we had the opportunity to video a selection of material that my father in law had of his family . We recorded the material initially on a camcorder tape then transfered it to Video and more recently to DVD . I have now managed to photograph the photographic images using my iPhone . Now the images are OK , not brilliant , but OK and at least I can work with them . It was a nice couple of hours having a look at the material . There was information that I had forgotten we had . Which just shows it is good to go back to basics once in a while . I was catching up with my viewing of the BBC Antiques Roadshow from last week ( 14th November 2010 ) when a rather interesting item came upon the screen . The item was described as a ham stand , and of slickware and contained a genealogical mystery . The photo is not terribly good , although I am rather impressed with the result from a iPhone via a pause replay of a TV program ! The details on the stand are as follows : M representing the surname and both the bride and groom had the initial of J for their respective forenames . The fish symbol implies that the groom was either associated with the fishing industry or a keen fisherman . The name of Clapham refers to the location of the wedding and the date if September 3rd , 1787 . So who were J & J M and where is the Clapham refered to on the plate ? It does stand to reason that anyone who could afford a plate that would house a ham that size would come from a household of some income and thus could be an angler , rather than a fisherman living on a tiny income , but at this stage in the research I must not jump to any concluions . Oh , the estimate given to this rather fascinating antique was between £ 2 , 500 and £ 3 , 500 . The KING daughters , there were seven of them are alike to the daughters of Mr & Mr Bennett in Jane Austin novel . All the daughters and their brother had a connection to India & the East India Company . More on that side of the family later . The contact wrote that she had a picture of a painting that depicted three of the sisters . The painting was painted by the artist Thompson and was painted in 1795 . The painting is mentioned in two books that connect to the family , An Honourable Company by Margaret Bellaisis and A Master Mariner by Captain R . W . Eastwick and has a lovely romantic story attached to it . Thompson took a fancy to the younger of the sisters in the painting - Lucy King and proposed marriage . When Lucy declined he refused the finish the painting and retained it . Twenty five years later Lucy who by then was known as Mrs Eastwick was walking through London and noticed Thompson , she asked her son to go after him and when he saw who it was asked Lucy and her son to accompany him back to his home where he revealed the painting which had he said been completed from memory . Thompson then gave the painting to Lucy . The painting is in the hands of the family , sadly not this part of the family ! But isn 't the painting a beauty ? Lucy Eastwick nee King is the lady on the far right of the painting . As I said the painting was done in 1795 , and for me to now see a copy of it is simply wonderful . Thanks to my contact PP for sharing this with me . For just over the last two weeks I have had a dreadful cold , which has developed into a chest infection and I have felt rubbish for days . I didn 't therefore do much I what I planned to do during my recent annual leave , which is very frustrating . That said I have caught up on some reading , watch this space for a review of another three James Paterson books . I have also caught up on some rest . Last Friday there was a burst water main near us , and we were without water for about 3 hours . As we have been poorly we have had heating on a bit and the pressure on our heating boiler dropped and then ceased working . The boiler refused to work until the pressure in the system was increased and that could not be increased because of the burst water main and then the subsequent reroute of the water supply . I phoned the water company - South West Water and was told I could apply for compensation and I would receive a call within 2 days . On Monday a chap phoned me . He was deeply sorry but we were not inconvienced enough to qualify for the compensation of , drum roll please , are your ready ? £ 20 . Yes that is right the most expensive water company in the UK can not give us compensation of £ 20 . When I asked why the chap was simply not prepared to do the right thing , he simply said " What is the right thing " my response was if he had to ask a customer then perhaps he should reflect on his manager role . . . . . well I assume that he was a manager he did not introduce himself at the start of the conversation nor did he state his role at the water company . For all I know he was the guy digging the hole at the burst main last Friday . Anyway , it is not about the money , I 've been known to spend more than £ 20 on books , for me it was about the principle of the whole event . As I was already in a grumpy mood , I then made a telephone call to the warrenty company with whom we have a package with for our car . At the end of October we took the car for an MOT and service and a few bits needed to be done , of course ! - so we had a bit of a debate with the Posted by Published as part of the Britain 's Living History Series , this slim volume , for the book contains just 64 pages , yet contains a wealth of information . Written in a clear easy to read format with photographic illustrations and broken down into chapters complete with a concluding index . This book encourages us to delve beyond the name and dates on the headstone , and to look further at the style of the Memorial , the graphics upon it and the even the types of stone used to make it . Readers are encouraged to get out and about and explore their local churchyard using the knowledge within the book to gain further information about those commemorated upon the stones . Out for a morning jog Lindsay rescues a child from a burning building . The house contains 3 dead bodies , a missing baby and a missing au pair . A mystery message left at the scene of the fire leads Lindsay and the Women 's Murder club members hot on the trail of a killer or two . BBC News - National census in 2011 could be last of its kindFrom the BBC website : The national census due to take place in 2011 could be the last of its kind . The BBC understands that the government is examining other ways of measuring population and other statistics than the survey of all homes every 10 years . In future , data could be gathered from records held by the Post Office , local government and credit checking agencies - thought to be more effective . The government said it was " examining " whether changes could be made but no decision had been reached . A census has been carried out every decade since 1801 , apart from during World War II . Next year 's census , sent to every household , will cost an estimated £ 482m . It asks for detailed information including nationality , religious faith and marital status . There will be separate censuses across the UK on the same day , 27 March 2011 , organised by the Office for National Statistics in England and Wales , the General Register Office for Scotland and the Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency . ' Accurate data ' Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude believes the process is inefficient and its results quickly become out of date . He told the Daily Telegraph : " There are , I believe , ways of doing this which will provide better , quicker information , more frequently and cheaper . " Mr Maude said population counts could be done more often using various databases . " This would give you more accurate , much more timely data in real time . There is a load of data out there in loads of different places , " he said . The BBC 's Adam Fleming at Westminster says that , although work on the 2011 census is too far advanced to make major changes , it is hoped savings can still be made . A Cabinet Office spokesman said : " Work began some time ago to explore alternatives to the conventional census model after 2011 , and that work is continuing . " We are committed to making a success of the 2011 Census , while endeavouring to cut its costs , currently expected to be around £ 460 million . " The expenditure alreaPosted by I am a Surrey girl , who is very proud of her roots , which go back almost 300 years in Surrey , Sussex and Hampshire . I currently live in the West Country of England , but Surrey is always home ! I am also half Italian and thus have an interest in Italian culture and genealogy . After a career in pharmacy management spanning more than 20 years , I made the decision to look at my options as to where my professional life was heading . I wanted to expand my work portfolio within the training and writing arena ; to utilise my historical and research skills along with other qualifications and years of experience . I created The Book of Me , Written by You back in the Autumn of 2012 . It threads together the focus of my interests and qualifications . Enabling me to encourage others to think beyond the obvious as we analyse our own lives and those of our close family members . View my complete profile The material , both written and photographic on these pages is the copyright of Julie Goucher & Anglers Rest unless stated . Material on this site may be used for personal reference only . If you wish to use any of the material on this site for other means , please seek the written permission of Julie Goucher & Anglers Rest . © 2002 - 2015
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Today has not been a good day . The last link with my Grandfather 's family passed away this morning and has left a void that will be quite impossible to fill . Born Lilian Dorothy Butcher in February 1915 , the second youngest of a family of 12 . Aunt was always known to us as Doll , the nick name given to her by her brothers because of her petite size . Whilst she was never a large lady in size she had both character and depth far great than anyone I have ever known . Aunt married Richard May at St Nicholas Church Guildford in 1936 . Widowed in 1958 Aunt never remarried , but devoted her life to her son , nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews . Whilst this posting may seem rather morbid , I didn 't want to let Aunt 's passing be unmentioned . I have some wonderful memories and in time , when I feel stronger , they will appear in this blog in remembrance of a true lady . I was indeed very lucky to have had such a wonderful relationship with her , both as Great Aunt and as my Godmother . I will truly miss her . She is now reunited with her beloved husband , son and her siblings . Photo taken May 2008 . I have simply loved writing the advent calendar posts . These have been huge journalling prompts and have encouraged me to write and think about times past . They have also highlighted to me the questions that I wish I had asked . I have though not managed to keep to schedule , which is personally irritating to me and what subjects I have not posted on as yet will be posted on during the next few days . Alas , work has been the culprit this year and I have certainly lost my work - home life balence which will be recovered for 2011 . Christmas always has its sad moments , in that we miss our deceased relatives , and yet remember with fondness and love those who have passed away . My Grandmother , always comes to my mind because her birthday , on 18th December was a week before Christmas and this has appeared elsewhere during the Advent Calender postings . The last Christmas my Grandmother was alive she came to stay with us . Stuart did lots of recordings of her , asking her questions and listening to her remembering past times . Even now , some 14 years on I can not listen to those tapes or watch the video . When Stuart transfers it to DVD which he will do next year he 'll do it when I am out as I still miss her dreadfully . Then in the late 1990s my Nephew , then aged 16 years died on 18th December as a result of a tragic accident involving another school boy . His funeral was on Christmas Eve and although I was not especially close to my Nephew , my husband was and my thoughts always turn to him and the fact that his young life was wasted . This year we lost my Father in Law and this is the first Christmas without him . Likewise , I was not especially close to him , but his death , was unexpected and this year will of course bring sadness to our Christmas . Amongst that sadness is of course joy , as each of those individuals has a special place in our hearts and we have some wonderful memories , which , when the time is right will probably appear in this blog . May they rest in peace , in the knowledge that they are missed everyday . The first full lunar eclipse to coincide with a winter solstice since 1554 . UK & Europe will be able to watch from 0741 GMT on Tuesday 21st Dec . I was up in anticipation of seeing something wonderful . Sadly it was cloudy where I was and that was rather disappointing . There have been some great photos posted on the web . Here is the photograph posted to the local BBC radio station on Face Book - Good Morning Devon and here is the details from Sky News . Over the last three or four weeks we have had very cold weather , heavy frosts and the odd sprinkle of snow , so I was not overly surprised to find a heavy frost as we left the house at midnight on Saturday . We live half way on a hill in a cul - de - sac and the car was pointing the wrong way . Which meant that we had to drive down and turn . There is always a horrid bit in the middle of the turning area which has a tendancy to get very icy and Saturday morning was no exception . So there I was at midnight trying to push the car . Just when it seemed hopeless we managed it and set off . I spent the next hour or so pushing the trolley round gathering groceries . We made it home and I collapsed into bed at abou 2am , planning on sleeping until 7am when I needed to be up and away for work . Imagine my horror when I saw this at 7 . 00am I went to leave and we tried to move the car and made it to the turning point , then . . . . . Lots of wheel spins and Anglo Saxon . We managed with the help of a neighbour , some carpet under the wheels and sand to get the car back outside the house which is halfway up the hill . I have worked muscles that perhaps are new or have not been used in the last 20 years ! Anyway , I didn 't make it to work . Monday faired no better . We had no more snow here , but we had dreadful icy conditions . Driving was not an option and actually neither was walking . I don 't recall ever having a stocking as a child , just this pillowcase into which my presents were placed . Since I have been married to what can only be described as the biggest Christmas baby of all time ! Stuart 's birthday is on the 21st and he simply LOVES Christmas , I have always prepared a stocking for everyone . Traditionally , I know that stockings always contain fruits and nuts and perhaps a small toy , or at least that is what my Grandmother always said was in her stocking . This year I went to fill the stockings to struggle to find them . I sorted through the Christmas decorations box several times to no avail , and resorted to having the wrap the stocking gifts on Christmas Eve . Note to self to buy some nice new ones for 2011 . Today 's posting is a free for all . Tomorrow , 18th December 2010 would have been my beloved Grandmother 's birthday . Born in 18th December 1912 Lilian Edith Matthews to John Matthews and Elizabeth Mary nee Elstone at Guildford Surrey England . Gran was one of 11 children and the second child to be both in 1912 , although she was not a twin . My Uncle had been born in the January of the same year ! She married my Grandfather George Butcher in November 1939 and ironically made her marital home in the same road that she was born in , just at the opposite end of the road ! No photographs of the wedding have ever been located , but here are two from my collection . The first one ( above ) of my Grandmother aged 12 years and the second taken ( below ) at her 21st Birthday . Mum has used the following recipe since the early 1980s , actually my Grandmother spotted it in a copy of Woman Magazine , and since then we have used this one , albeit , the copy does look in rather a sorry state ! The actual date is gleened from a book review on the reverse of the recipe - 1983 ! Here is the cake for the Christmas of 2006 , icing was not brilliant as I recall , probably too much wine ! See the original post from 2006 Although I now live in the West Country of England , I was born and brought up in Guildford Surrey , and still consider that home . There was always a magical feel about Guildford , the cobbled historical High Street with the Rotary Club playing music , usually outside W H Smiths and collecting for local charities , The shops full of Christmas decorations and music and the temperature fresh and cold , but not like the weather of late , where the temperature has been well below freezing , not typical for the UK . In the last 10 years or so the world of retail therapy has changed beyond recognition . I am pondering back to the days when shops closed at 5 or 6pm apart from perhaps local deli 's and corner shops and the only other shops open into the evening were DIY stores and supermarkets and those were open late until 7 or 8pm . In the run up to Christmas the shops would open on Sundays and even the post was delivered on a Sunday too for the few sundays preceding Christmas . Now we live in a world when you can do your grocery shopping in the early hours and shop online . I wonder what previous generations would make of that ? The shops being open on a Sunday back then had a magical feel to it , and somehow in this world of technology we have lost some of the Christmas magic . On Christmas Eve we always attended Midnight Mass at Holy Trinity Church , an impressive church situated at the top of the High Street . We did not live in Holy Trinity parish , but in St Nicholas , but always attended at Holy Trinity . It wasn 't until I started researching my own family history that I established that we had links to the parish that start with my Several times Great Grandfather George Ellis born in 1811 in Holy Trinity parish . Having now moved to the South West I do not feel that same enthusiasm to go to the local church for the midnight mass and very often we are well in bed before the magical hour . Oh my , I was doing some Christmas shopping today and pondering on some small bits to go into a couple of Christmas stockings . I was overwhelmed with the incredible amount of expensive nothing presents , and wonder just how we got to be such a society . My Grandmother always said that she and her siblings had a Christmas stocking . In it was a sugar mouse , a tangerine and some nuts . The boys had a small car or soldier and the girls a small dolly . The money value for the early 20th Century to a working class family preparing stockings for a family of 11 children would have meant cuts in other areas of expenditure to provide those meagre gifts . In comparison to the stockings of today when we spend so much more and I wonder if we really enjoy the gifts we receive and give ? Or are we simply swept away in the retail commercial hyper . On my bookcase are several books given to me by family members , in some cases relatives that are no longer here . I was surprised to see that I had kept the gift card in one book dated 1985 . The book rarely looked at now , holds many special memories and now sits as one of my treasured possessions . One gift that I love dearly was bought for me by my husband two or three years ago . I would never have purchased it myself , not due to the expense , or the thought that I would hardly wear it , but simply because I just wouldn 't . So I treasure it not only because Stuart bought it for me , but because it is a beautiful simple gift that says more than many words , and one that is a treat for me , and only me . Of course , no matter how big the gift or how expensive the gift , the ones that we treasure the most are those that create such wonderful memories . I have used AVG for anti - virus for about 10 years and always upgraded at the point of when the upgrades are released . This year was no exception for attempting the upgrade , the issue was the success of the upgrade . I have spent a huge amount of the last 3 days removing the last version and installing the new version . Each time , as usual the machine needs to shut down and reboot . The problem occurred when each time the reboot happened that there was no evidence of the new version . I trawled through the online AVG forums and there were references that others had had this issue of remove old , install new , reboot and then repeat , with no success of actually loading the new program . I was simply grateful that I was trying to update my desktop PC running XP rather than my laptop on Vista . I finally had success - Hooray ! 1 . Read http : / / www . avg . com / ww - en / faq ? num = 3262 # faq _ 3262and check that you have administrator facilities on your computer2 . Install the 2011 programme viahttp : / / free . avg . com / gb - en / download - avg - anti - virus - free3 . Make sure that the files are not still lingering on your PC - check Program files AND in documents and settings deleting any references to AVG 7 , AVG 8 , AVG 9 and Grisoft . ( I had some as Grisoft and almost missed it ) 4 . Then ensure that ALL evidence of previous versions is removed from the computer registry by visiting http : / / www . avg . com / ww - en / download - tools ( use 32 bit if your not sure of 32 or 64 . ) 5 . You MIGHT need to re do point 2 and that is fine ! I completed the above steps for my XP desktop and my Vista laptop . Disclaimer : I am not a shareholder in AVG , just a satisfied ( and temporarily frustrated AVG user ! ) . I am no computer expert , if I had been it would not have taken me 3 days ! so follow the above advice with caution and please do not email me with hate emails if it goes wrong , but I successfully managed it ! Good luck ! I think one of the most memorable Christmas Parties has to be Australia 1996 . We had only been in our current home for about 4 weeks , we were still knee deep in packing boxes in some rooms - my study especially . We left England on 19th December and arrived in Sydney on 21st December . I will never forget the flight . We flew with a Greek airline because we had had to change our travel plans at short notice as my Cousin who was getting married between Christmas & New Year had , had a change of plans . We had a direct flight , well as direct as 10 , 000 miles can be , with a stop over in Bangkok for a refuel . Every time the plane landed and took off there was an eruption of clapping and cheering . I put it down to Christmas spirit rather cheering successful flying ! I don 't recall it being exceptionally cold here that year before Christmas , but we spent 50 hours traveling door to door and left temperatures of approximately 10 degrees centigrade and arrived to about 28 degrees centigrade , and definitely over dressed ! We arrived on Stuart 's birthday , therefore everyone had gathered at my cousin 's house for our arrival which was fantastic . That year Christmas started on the 19th December and lasted through the arrival party , Christmas , my cousin 's wedding , New Year up until we left on 19th January . Very happy memories . I can 't remember going to Santa , but I guess I did . I asked Mum if she could remember and she said she took me when I was between the ages of 3 - 5 to see the Santa at the Debenhams department store in Guildford . I was apparently not keen to go and was unimpressed and she didn 't take me again . Mum went onto say with a bit of a smirk that I was fairly antisocial ! Me , antisocial , surely not ! Anyway , I went onto explain to Mum why I was probably unimpressed with Santa . I can 't recall exactly when , but I recall waking up one year in the early hours of Christmas morning to Mum in her red dressing gown putting my stocking come pillowcase at the bottom of the bed . I guess then , my thoughts of a man with a red gown and white , bushy beard were shattered . I can though still remember this red dressing gown with small flowers on with green leafy bits and yellow petals . It was the early 1970s and I am sure Mum is delighted that there is no photograph of the said dressing gown ! What is amazing is that I had never actually confessed to seeing Mum that Christmas morning until we discussed it for me to write this blog post . This random gathering of keys represents bits of our lives , both as single individuals and as a couple . I came across the pot of miscellaneous keys at the back of one of the cupboards in the breakfast room this morning . When we married we put all the keys together in a pot , not current keys , but ones we thought we perhaps should keep just incase . We have lived in this house 14 years and over the years have added to the box , but do we know what the keys belong to ? It is anyone 's guess . , although I have a few ideas for some of the keys . It made me think though , as individuals or couples we accumulate and gather a whole host of stuff , things we keep because they mean something to us , but perhaps not to other people . Our ancestors did it and perhaps we have inherited their collection of " stuff " and we now wonder just what that pile of bits meant to them . Perhaps we will leave a collection of things to our descendants or inheritants that are a total mystery . Every little thing our lives touch means something . Food for though . . . . . . . I am not a fan of outside decorations , but Stuart is . He loves the whole Christmas thing - music on the radio , CDs , decorations , foods and I guess cards , as long as he isn 't is writing them ! Last year was the first year we had an outside decoration . Even I have to say it , they were some subtle while ice lights that dripped down from the second floor windows . Alas they did not survive the untypical harsh winter and returned to the shop for a refund . We have since then replaced them with a more sturdy set ready for this Christmas but they are not up yet , but I know Stuart is getting itchy to get the tree and decorations up . As I said in an earlier post we have a small outside tree with some suitable lights they are not up yet either , but as soon as I do there will be photos ! Back in 1996 we spent Christmas in far warmer climes ; in NSW Australia with family . The street lights and decorations put on by residents in one street , Athol Street in Wagga Wagga was very impressive . I am not sure if I took photos , but I will see if there are any , there were certainly LOTS of photos of the trip and if I find one of all the Christmas lights & decorations I 'll upload it . I remember both my Mum and Grandmother sending cards , but not how many or what happened to them . I have a few old cards , perhaps the last one received from a particular relative , or those with a photograph or letter . Any that my Grandmother received I now have . Currently they are in a box packed away in a box awaiting scanning and archiving . I can 't really remember where they were displayed , I suspect the mantlepiece as that is where I have mine and on the dresser and other furniture in our lounge . I probably started sending cards when I as about 12 or 13 . Mainly to school friends , but when I left home and then subsequently married to family members . In many cases a Christmas card is the only contact we have , which is a shame . When we first set up home together and started sending cards as a couple I asked for Stuart 's card list . He looked at me blankly and said he only sent about 6 cards , I was amazed , that meant the other 60 odd were mine ! Since then I have written all the cards and letters and Stuart 's list has not really got any bigger . My list has reduced a little bit , but not by much . Even people that I communicate with online these days still get a card in the post and they get an additional email . I keep the email letters and file these with letters I recieve , along with any letters and cards that arrive in the mail . I usually aim to send my cards out early December , but each year I seem to get later and later . The overseas ones always go first . I can always predict which card I receive first and sure enough my cousin and her husband 's card arrived on Wednesday as predicited ! At the end of the 1980s I bought a card booklet , with the details of card and present and address . The book was set up for about 10 years . At the end of the 10 years I looked around for another book similar but no one seems to sell them anymore , so I have a bit of paper in my Christmas card box and each year tick or highlight in a pen to say that I sent the card . I really should find a better way of recording it , but somehow the scrappy bPosted by The collection of tree ornaments we have are ones that we bought from our first Christmas together . There are others that were given to us by my Mum and each year Stuart and I buy at least one ornament to keep the tradition going . We tend to go for the reds and golds but there are some others that have special meanings to us , such as a Spode china Millenium bauble which always has pride of place , and a gold bell which has a picture of a Border Terrier on the side , which we bought the first Christmas we lost our lovely Monty in 2008 . We also have a lovely set of the Lilliput Lane tree decorations as Stuart collections the lovely houses , and especially the snowy and wintery ones . The decorations that we had as when I was a child are still with my Mum . The original fairy which I mentioned earlier this week is still in the family . I think Mum has it and she thinks I have it , and we won 't know until we both put our trees up and find it ! - Photos though as soon as I do . As a child we used to have chocolate ornaments on the tree which I was never allowed to have until Christmas Eve , and even then , only one . Now I don 't have them as we have our current Border Terrier , Alfie just incase he is tempted by the chocolate . My Grandmother always used to buy hamper coupons from the Unigate milkman , I don 't know if she received any special discount as my Grandfather had worked for them up until he retired , but she always had the coupons and then exchanged them a week or so before Christmas for a hamper . There was always lovely boxes of chocolates , biscuits , tins of ham and deserts and a shop made Christmas pudding . I am sure that there may have been a bottle of Sherry in the hamper , even though my Grandmother was not able to drink alcohol . There was also some lemonade and dilutable juices - like Robinsons , and some fruit . We always had Turkey for Christmas Day along with the trimmings . On Boxing Day the usual lunch meal was bubble and Squeak with either the Turkey cold or made into Rissoles . I still have the mincer that my Grandmother used and I still do some of things that we did when I was a child , and those special moments live on for another generation . Every year , this rather tatty extract from a Woman 's Realm Mag appears . I had chance to have a proper glance at it . The receipe is from The Archer 's Country Cookbook by Martha Woodford published in 1977 . Melt the chocolate over a basin of hot water . Beat in the icing sugar , egg yolk , almonds , cream and rum and pound altogether until mixture is smooth , and form into little balls . Roll each truffle in a little vermicelli and coat it . As a child we always had an artificial Christmas tree I think , usually a traditional styled green one with pretty coloured fairy lights and the fairy that my Grandparents used to put on their tree . When I married we purchased a lovely and different artifical white tree which we got from the department store here in the UK called Alders , they have since gone under , but the tree lives on , albeit , in the loft . Our current tree is also artificial , a beautiful green one , with a hit of snow and built in lights , nice and tall , well taller than me ! - Its about six foot . My hubby is the usual tree decorator in this house , I find it a bit of a performance ; I am not known for lots of patience ! I would really love a real tree , but we don 't mainly because of mess and because they are not terribly pet friendly ! BUT , outside , on the edge of our path leading to the house we have a medium size planter situated on the end pillar . There did use to be a leaping salmon until it disappeared , despite us not living in a dubious area , anyway after spending over a year looking for a replacement fish , and failing we decided on the planter . That spent a few months empty then last Christmas we saw in the local garden centre a miniture Blue Spruz and thought why not ? It sat in the planter , undecorated last year as we were not able to find suitable lights for it , but this year , well wait and see ( photo as soon as the lights on and the indoor tree is up ) . Uploaded 21st Dec photo of the indoor tree , once again decorated by hubby ! I periodically do a Google search with the words Swans on the Wey to see what it displays . Usually I get a whole pile of entrys which reflect each of the words individually , even with the phrase in quotes , but today , I stuck almost lucky . I stumbled across a lovely painting at a Blog called Don 's Adventures and I simply has to post a comment on that Blog . The painting , of two graceful swans on the River Wey in Surrey England reminds me of a painting that I saw in an art gallary in the shopping centre in Sutton ( Surrey ) . My Grandmother died in April 1995 and it was just after this that I saw the painting . I was enthralled with it . I had the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I " wanted that painting " . The shop was closing so I was unable to go in . Thinking that I was " safe " I left it to the next day . I went back the next day to find the painting had left the window , I hoped it has been moved , but alas sold and taken by the new owners . I felt almost distraught for a paining that I could never own . I wish I knew who the artist was , but alas all I can remember was the title Swans on the Wey , which was perfect as I have lots of memories of my beloved Grandmother feeding the Swans on the River Wey which was at the end of her garden . Thanks go to Don for sharing such a lovely picture and bringing to life some lovely and treasured memories . As I said in an earlier post I managed to photograph some images that were originally camcordered back in 1993 . This is two of those images . These photo shows my later Father in Law , Derek Goucher 's first cousin Florence Ramage nee Worship along with someone called Rani Maharaj Singh . I had known from stories told to me that Florence and her husband John had spent some time in India , and there are photos to confirm that . They clearly moved in the Indian Society circles of the times - which would have been the early to mid 1950s , so just after Independence from the " British Empire " So who was Rani Maharaj Singh ? The photographs were taken to commemorate the YMCA Carnival in 1953Rani Maharaj Singh was the wife of the first Indian Governor of Bombay ( 1948 - 1952 ) , the Honorable Raja Maharaj Singh . In 1949 She led Bombay 's City Council for child welfare with funds that had been pledged by UNESCO . In 1952 Rani Maharaj Singh is mentioned in the Day books of Eleanor Roosevelt . With the entry for 11th March 1952 reading " . . . . . We returned on time for a luncheon given by the Governor and Her Excellency , Rani Maharaj Singh . It has been a great joy to have Mrs . Pandit here , for she is the most thoughtful hostess imaginable . . . . . . . . . " So it would appear that Rani Maharah Singh held quite a place in the history of India and it really is quite interesting how she came to meet Florence Ramage , perhaps at a fund raising event . Back in 1993 we had the opportunity to video a selection of material that my father in law had of his family . We recorded the material initially on a camcorder tape then transfered it to Video and more recently to DVD . I have now managed to photograph the photographic images using my iPhone . Now the images are OK , not brilliant , but OK and at least I can work with them . It was a nice couple of hours having a look at the material . There was information that I had forgotten we had . Which just shows it is good to go back to basics once in a while . I was catching up with my viewing of the BBC Antiques Roadshow from last week ( 14th November 2010 ) when a rather interesting item came upon the screen . The item was described as a ham stand , and of slickware and contained a genealogical mystery . The photo is not terribly good , although I am rather impressed with the result from a iPhone via a pause replay of a TV program ! The details on the stand are as follows : M representing the surname and both the bride and groom had the initial of J for their respective forenames . The fish symbol implies that the groom was either associated with the fishing industry or a keen fisherman . The name of Clapham refers to the location of the wedding and the date if September 3rd , 1787 . So who were J & J M and where is the Clapham refered to on the plate ? It does stand to reason that anyone who could afford a plate that would house a ham that size would come from a household of some income and thus could be an angler , rather than a fisherman living on a tiny income , but at this stage in the research I must not jump to any concluions . Oh , the estimate given to this rather fascinating antique was between £ 2 , 500 and £ 3 , 500 . The KING daughters , there were seven of them are alike to the daughters of Mr & Mr Bennett in Jane Austin novel . All the daughters and their brother had a connection to India & the East India Company . More on that side of the family later . The contact wrote that she had a picture of a painting that depicted three of the sisters . The painting was painted by the artist Thompson and was painted in 1795 . The painting is mentioned in two books that connect to the family , An Honourable Company by Margaret Bellaisis and A Master Mariner by Captain R . W . Eastwick and has a lovely romantic story attached to it . Thompson took a fancy to the younger of the sisters in the painting - Lucy King and proposed marriage . When Lucy declined he refused the finish the painting and retained it . Twenty five years later Lucy who by then was known as Mrs Eastwick was walking through London and noticed Thompson , she asked her son to go after him and when he saw who it was asked Lucy and her son to accompany him back to his home where he revealed the painting which had he said been completed from memory . Thompson then gave the painting to Lucy . The painting is in the hands of the family , sadly not this part of the family ! But isn 't the painting a beauty ? Lucy Eastwick nee King is the lady on the far right of the painting . As I said the painting was done in 1795 , and for me to now see a copy of it is simply wonderful . Thanks to my contact PP for sharing this with me . For just over the last two weeks I have had a dreadful cold , which has developed into a chest infection and I have felt rubbish for days . I didn 't therefore do much I what I planned to do during my recent annual leave , which is very frustrating . That said I have caught up on some reading , watch this space for a review of another three James Paterson books . I have also caught up on some rest . Last Friday there was a burst water main near us , and we were without water for about 3 hours . As we have been poorly we have had heating on a bit and the pressure on our heating boiler dropped and then ceased working . The boiler refused to work until the pressure in the system was increased and that could not be increased because of the burst water main and then the subsequent reroute of the water supply . I phoned the water company - South West Water and was told I could apply for compensation and I would receive a call within 2 days . On Monday a chap phoned me . He was deeply sorry but we were not inconvienced enough to qualify for the compensation of , drum roll please , are your ready ? £ 20 . Yes that is right the most expensive water company in the UK can not give us compensation of £ 20 . When I asked why the chap was simply not prepared to do the right thing , he simply said " What is the right thing " my response was if he had to ask a customer then perhaps he should reflect on his manager role . . . . . well I assume that he was a manager he did not introduce himself at the start of the conversation nor did he state his role at the water company . For all I know he was the guy digging the hole at the burst main last Friday . Anyway , it is not about the money , I 've been known to spend more than £ 20 on books , for me it was about the principle of the whole event . As I was already in a grumpy mood , I then made a telephone call to the warrenty company with whom we have a package with for our car . At the end of October we took the car for an MOT and service and a few bits needed to be done , of course ! - so we had a bit of a debate with the Posted by Published as part of the Britain 's Living History Series , this slim volume , for the book contains just 64 pages , yet contains a wealth of information . Written in a clear easy to read format with photographic illustrations and broken down into chapters complete with a concluding index . This book encourages us to delve beyond the name and dates on the headstone , and to look further at the style of the Memorial , the graphics upon it and the even the types of stone used to make it . Readers are encouraged to get out and about and explore their local churchyard using the knowledge within the book to gain further information about those commemorated upon the stones . Out for a morning jog Lindsay rescues a child from a burning building . The house contains 3 dead bodies , a missing baby and a missing au pair . A mystery message left at the scene of the fire leads Lindsay and the Women 's Murder club members hot on the trail of a killer or two . BBC News - National census in 2011 could be last of its kindFrom the BBC website : The national census due to take place in 2011 could be the last of its kind . The BBC understands that the government is examining other ways of measuring population and other statistics than the survey of all homes every 10 years . In future , data could be gathered from records held by the Post Office , local government and credit checking agencies - thought to be more effective . The government said it was " examining " whether changes could be made but no decision had been reached . A census has been carried out every decade since 1801 , apart from during World War II . Next year 's census , sent to every household , will cost an estimated £ 482m . It asks for detailed information including nationality , religious faith and marital status . There will be separate censuses across the UK on the same day , 27 March 2011 , organised by the Office for National Statistics in England and Wales , the General Register Office for Scotland and the Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency . ' Accurate data ' Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude believes the process is inefficient and its results quickly become out of date . He told the Daily Telegraph : " There are , I believe , ways of doing this which will provide better , quicker information , more frequently and cheaper . " Mr Maude said population counts could be done more often using various databases . " This would give you more accurate , much more timely data in real time . There is a load of data out there in loads of different places , " he said . The BBC 's Adam Fleming at Westminster says that , although work on the 2011 census is too far advanced to make major changes , it is hoped savings can still be made . A Cabinet Office spokesman said : " Work began some time ago to explore alternatives to the conventional census model after 2011 , and that work is continuing . " We are committed to making a success of the 2011 Census , while endeavouring to cut its costs , currently expected to be around £ 460 million . " The expenditure alreaPosted by I am a Surrey girl , who is very proud of her roots , which go back almost 300 years in Surrey , Sussex and Hampshire . I currently live in the West Country of England , but Surrey is always home ! I am also half Italian and thus have an interest in Italian culture and genealogy . After a career in pharmacy management spanning more than 20 years , I made the decision to look at my options as to where my professional life was heading . I wanted to expand my work portfolio within the training and writing arena ; to utilise my historical and research skills along with other qualifications and years of experience . I created The Book of Me , Written by You back in the Autumn of 2012 . It threads together the focus of my interests and qualifications . Enabling me to encourage others to think beyond the obvious as we analyse our own lives and those of our close family members . View my complete profile The material , both written and photographic on these pages is the copyright of Julie Goucher & Anglers Rest unless stated . Material on this site may be used for personal reference only . If you wish to use any of the material on this site for other means , please seek the written permission of Julie Goucher & Anglers Rest . © 2002 - 2015
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Today has not been a good day . The last link with my Grandfather 's family passed away this morning and has left a void that will be quite impossible to fill . Born Lilian Dorothy Butcher in February 1915 , the second youngest of a family of 12 . Aunt was always known to us as Doll , the nick name given to her by her brothers because of her petite size . Whilst she was never a large lady in size she had both character and depth far great than anyone I have ever known . Aunt married Richard May at St Nicholas Church Guildford in 1936 . Widowed in 1958 Aunt never remarried , but devoted her life to her son , nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews . Whilst this posting may seem rather morbid , I didn 't want to let Aunt 's passing be unmentioned . I have some wonderful memories and in time , when I feel stronger , they will appear in this blog in remembrance of a true lady . I was indeed very lucky to have had such a wonderful relationship with her , both as Great Aunt and as my Godmother . I will truly miss her . She is now reunited with her beloved husband , son and her siblings . Photo taken May 2008 . I have simply loved writing the advent calendar posts . These have been huge journalling prompts and have encouraged me to write and think about times past . They have also highlighted to me the questions that I wish I had asked . I have though not managed to keep to schedule , which is personally irritating to me and what subjects I have not posted on as yet will be posted on during the next few days . Alas , work has been the culprit this year and I have certainly lost my work - home life balence which will be recovered for 2011 . Christmas always has its sad moments , in that we miss our deceased relatives , and yet remember with fondness and love those who have passed away . My Grandmother , always comes to my mind because her birthday , on 18th December was a week before Christmas and this has appeared elsewhere during the Advent Calender postings . The last Christmas my Grandmother was alive she came to stay with us . Stuart did lots of recordings of her , asking her questions and listening to her remembering past times . Even now , some 14 years on I can not listen to those tapes or watch the video . When Stuart transfers it to DVD which he will do next year he 'll do it when I am out as I still miss her dreadfully . Then in the late 1990s my Nephew , then aged 16 years died on 18th December as a result of a tragic accident involving another school boy . His funeral was on Christmas Eve and although I was not especially close to my Nephew , my husband was and my thoughts always turn to him and the fact that his young life was wasted . This year we lost my Father in Law and this is the first Christmas without him . Likewise , I was not especially close to him , but his death , was unexpected and this year will of course bring sadness to our Christmas . Amongst that sadness is of course joy , as each of those individuals has a special place in our hearts and we have some wonderful memories , which , when the time is right will probably appear in this blog . May they rest in peace , in the knowledge that they are missed everyday . The first full lunar eclipse to coincide with a winter solstice since 1554 . UK & Europe will be able to watch from 0741 GMT on Tuesday 21st Dec . I was up in anticipation of seeing something wonderful . Sadly it was cloudy where I was and that was rather disappointing . There have been some great photos posted on the web . Here is the photograph posted to the local BBC radio station on Face Book - Good Morning Devon and here is the details from Sky News . Over the last three or four weeks we have had very cold weather , heavy frosts and the odd sprinkle of snow , so I was not overly surprised to find a heavy frost as we left the house at midnight on Saturday . We live half way on a hill in a cul - de - sac and the car was pointing the wrong way . Which meant that we had to drive down and turn . There is always a horrid bit in the middle of the turning area which has a tendancy to get very icy and Saturday morning was no exception . So there I was at midnight trying to push the car . Just when it seemed hopeless we managed it and set off . I spent the next hour or so pushing the trolley round gathering groceries . We made it home and I collapsed into bed at abou 2am , planning on sleeping until 7am when I needed to be up and away for work . Imagine my horror when I saw this at 7 . 00am I went to leave and we tried to move the car and made it to the turning point , then . . . . . Lots of wheel spins and Anglo Saxon . We managed with the help of a neighbour , some carpet under the wheels and sand to get the car back outside the house which is halfway up the hill . I have worked muscles that perhaps are new or have not been used in the last 20 years ! Anyway , I didn 't make it to work . Monday faired no better . We had no more snow here , but we had dreadful icy conditions . Driving was not an option and actually neither was walking . I don 't recall ever having a stocking as a child , just this pillowcase into which my presents were placed . Since I have been married to what can only be described as the biggest Christmas baby of all time ! Stuart 's birthday is on the 21st and he simply LOVES Christmas , I have always prepared a stocking for everyone . Traditionally , I know that stockings always contain fruits and nuts and perhaps a small toy , or at least that is what my Grandmother always said was in her stocking . This year I went to fill the stockings to struggle to find them . I sorted through the Christmas decorations box several times to no avail , and resorted to having the wrap the stocking gifts on Christmas Eve . Note to self to buy some nice new ones for 2011 . Today 's posting is a free for all . Tomorrow , 18th December 2010 would have been my beloved Grandmother 's birthday . Born in 18th December 1912 Lilian Edith Matthews to John Matthews and Elizabeth Mary nee Elstone at Guildford Surrey England . Gran was one of 11 children and the second child to be both in 1912 , although she was not a twin . My Uncle had been born in the January of the same year ! She married my Grandfather George Butcher in November 1939 and ironically made her marital home in the same road that she was born in , just at the opposite end of the road ! No photographs of the wedding have ever been located , but here are two from my collection . The first one ( above ) of my Grandmother aged 12 years and the second taken ( below ) at her 21st Birthday . Mum has used the following recipe since the early 1980s , actually my Grandmother spotted it in a copy of Woman Magazine , and since then we have used this one , albeit , the copy does look in rather a sorry state ! The actual date is gleened from a book review on the reverse of the recipe - 1983 ! Here is the cake for the Christmas of 2006 , icing was not brilliant as I recall , probably too much wine ! See the original post from 2006 Although I now live in the West Country of England , I was born and brought up in Guildford Surrey , and still consider that home . There was always a magical feel about Guildford , the cobbled historical High Street with the Rotary Club playing music , usually outside W H Smiths and collecting for local charities , The shops full of Christmas decorations and music and the temperature fresh and cold , but not like the weather of late , where the temperature has been well below freezing , not typical for the UK . In the last 10 years or so the world of retail therapy has changed beyond recognition . I am pondering back to the days when shops closed at 5 or 6pm apart from perhaps local deli 's and corner shops and the only other shops open into the evening were DIY stores and supermarkets and those were open late until 7 or 8pm . In the run up to Christmas the shops would open on Sundays and even the post was delivered on a Sunday too for the few sundays preceding Christmas . Now we live in a world when you can do your grocery shopping in the early hours and shop online . I wonder what previous generations would make of that ? The shops being open on a Sunday back then had a magical feel to it , and somehow in this world of technology we have lost some of the Christmas magic . On Christmas Eve we always attended Midnight Mass at Holy Trinity Church , an impressive church situated at the top of the High Street . We did not live in Holy Trinity parish , but in St Nicholas , but always attended at Holy Trinity . It wasn 't until I started researching my own family history that I established that we had links to the parish that start with my Several times Great Grandfather George Ellis born in 1811 in Holy Trinity parish . Having now moved to the South West I do not feel that same enthusiasm to go to the local church for the midnight mass and very often we are well in bed before the magical hour . Oh my , I was doing some Christmas shopping today and pondering on some small bits to go into a couple of Christmas stockings . I was overwhelmed with the incredible amount of expensive nothing presents , and wonder just how we got to be such a society . My Grandmother always said that she and her siblings had a Christmas stocking . In it was a sugar mouse , a tangerine and some nuts . The boys had a small car or soldier and the girls a small dolly . The money value for the early 20th Century to a working class family preparing stockings for a family of 11 children would have meant cuts in other areas of expenditure to provide those meagre gifts . In comparison to the stockings of today when we spend so much more and I wonder if we really enjoy the gifts we receive and give ? Or are we simply swept away in the retail commercial hyper . On my bookcase are several books given to me by family members , in some cases relatives that are no longer here . I was surprised to see that I had kept the gift card in one book dated 1985 . The book rarely looked at now , holds many special memories and now sits as one of my treasured possessions . One gift that I love dearly was bought for me by my husband two or three years ago . I would never have purchased it myself , not due to the expense , or the thought that I would hardly wear it , but simply because I just wouldn 't . So I treasure it not only because Stuart bought it for me , but because it is a beautiful simple gift that says more than many words , and one that is a treat for me , and only me . Of course , no matter how big the gift or how expensive the gift , the ones that we treasure the most are those that create such wonderful memories . I have used AVG for anti - virus for about 10 years and always upgraded at the point of when the upgrades are released . This year was no exception for attempting the upgrade , the issue was the success of the upgrade . I have spent a huge amount of the last 3 days removing the last version and installing the new version . Each time , as usual the machine needs to shut down and reboot . The problem occurred when each time the reboot happened that there was no evidence of the new version . I trawled through the online AVG forums and there were references that others had had this issue of remove old , install new , reboot and then repeat , with no success of actually loading the new program . I was simply grateful that I was trying to update my desktop PC running XP rather than my laptop on Vista . I finally had success - Hooray ! 1 . Read http : / / www . avg . com / ww - en / faq ? num = 3262 # faq _ 3262and check that you have administrator facilities on your computer2 . Install the 2011 programme viahttp : / / free . avg . com / gb - en / download - avg - anti - virus - free3 . Make sure that the files are not still lingering on your PC - check Program files AND in documents and settings deleting any references to AVG 7 , AVG 8 , AVG 9 and Grisoft . ( I had some as Grisoft and almost missed it ) 4 . Then ensure that ALL evidence of previous versions is removed from the computer registry by visiting http : / / www . avg . com / ww - en / download - tools ( use 32 bit if your not sure of 32 or 64 . ) 5 . You MIGHT need to re do point 2 and that is fine ! I completed the above steps for my XP desktop and my Vista laptop . Disclaimer : I am not a shareholder in AVG , just a satisfied ( and temporarily frustrated AVG user ! ) . I am no computer expert , if I had been it would not have taken me 3 days ! so follow the above advice with caution and please do not email me with hate emails if it goes wrong , but I successfully managed it ! Good luck ! I think one of the most memorable Christmas Parties has to be Australia 1996 . We had only been in our current home for about 4 weeks , we were still knee deep in packing boxes in some rooms - my study especially . We left England on 19th December and arrived in Sydney on 21st December . I will never forget the flight . We flew with a Greek airline because we had had to change our travel plans at short notice as my Cousin who was getting married between Christmas & New Year had , had a change of plans . We had a direct flight , well as direct as 10 , 000 miles can be , with a stop over in Bangkok for a refuel . Every time the plane landed and took off there was an eruption of clapping and cheering . I put it down to Christmas spirit rather cheering successful flying ! I don 't recall it being exceptionally cold here that year before Christmas , but we spent 50 hours traveling door to door and left temperatures of approximately 10 degrees centigrade and arrived to about 28 degrees centigrade , and definitely over dressed ! We arrived on Stuart 's birthday , therefore everyone had gathered at my cousin 's house for our arrival which was fantastic . That year Christmas started on the 19th December and lasted through the arrival party , Christmas , my cousin 's wedding , New Year up until we left on 19th January . Very happy memories . I can 't remember going to Santa , but I guess I did . I asked Mum if she could remember and she said she took me when I was between the ages of 3 - 5 to see the Santa at the Debenhams department store in Guildford . I was apparently not keen to go and was unimpressed and she didn 't take me again . Mum went onto say with a bit of a smirk that I was fairly antisocial ! Me , antisocial , surely not ! Anyway , I went onto explain to Mum why I was probably unimpressed with Santa . I can 't recall exactly when , but I recall waking up one year in the early hours of Christmas morning to Mum in her red dressing gown putting my stocking come pillowcase at the bottom of the bed . I guess then , my thoughts of a man with a red gown and white , bushy beard were shattered . I can though still remember this red dressing gown with small flowers on with green leafy bits and yellow petals . It was the early 1970s and I am sure Mum is delighted that there is no photograph of the said dressing gown ! What is amazing is that I had never actually confessed to seeing Mum that Christmas morning until we discussed it for me to write this blog post . This random gathering of keys represents bits of our lives , both as single individuals and as a couple . I came across the pot of miscellaneous keys at the back of one of the cupboards in the breakfast room this morning . When we married we put all the keys together in a pot , not current keys , but ones we thought we perhaps should keep just incase . We have lived in this house 14 years and over the years have added to the box , but do we know what the keys belong to ? It is anyone 's guess . , although I have a few ideas for some of the keys . It made me think though , as individuals or couples we accumulate and gather a whole host of stuff , things we keep because they mean something to us , but perhaps not to other people . Our ancestors did it and perhaps we have inherited their collection of " stuff " and we now wonder just what that pile of bits meant to them . Perhaps we will leave a collection of things to our descendants or inheritants that are a total mystery . Every little thing our lives touch means something . Food for though . . . . . . . I am not a fan of outside decorations , but Stuart is . He loves the whole Christmas thing - music on the radio , CDs , decorations , foods and I guess cards , as long as he isn 't is writing them ! Last year was the first year we had an outside decoration . Even I have to say it , they were some subtle while ice lights that dripped down from the second floor windows . Alas they did not survive the untypical harsh winter and returned to the shop for a refund . We have since then replaced them with a more sturdy set ready for this Christmas but they are not up yet , but I know Stuart is getting itchy to get the tree and decorations up . As I said in an earlier post we have a small outside tree with some suitable lights they are not up yet either , but as soon as I do there will be photos ! Back in 1996 we spent Christmas in far warmer climes ; in NSW Australia with family . The street lights and decorations put on by residents in one street , Athol Street in Wagga Wagga was very impressive . I am not sure if I took photos , but I will see if there are any , there were certainly LOTS of photos of the trip and if I find one of all the Christmas lights & decorations I 'll upload it . I remember both my Mum and Grandmother sending cards , but not how many or what happened to them . I have a few old cards , perhaps the last one received from a particular relative , or those with a photograph or letter . Any that my Grandmother received I now have . Currently they are in a box packed away in a box awaiting scanning and archiving . I can 't really remember where they were displayed , I suspect the mantlepiece as that is where I have mine and on the dresser and other furniture in our lounge . I probably started sending cards when I as about 12 or 13 . Mainly to school friends , but when I left home and then subsequently married to family members . In many cases a Christmas card is the only contact we have , which is a shame . When we first set up home together and started sending cards as a couple I asked for Stuart 's card list . He looked at me blankly and said he only sent about 6 cards , I was amazed , that meant the other 60 odd were mine ! Since then I have written all the cards and letters and Stuart 's list has not really got any bigger . My list has reduced a little bit , but not by much . Even people that I communicate with online these days still get a card in the post and they get an additional email . I keep the email letters and file these with letters I recieve , along with any letters and cards that arrive in the mail . I usually aim to send my cards out early December , but each year I seem to get later and later . The overseas ones always go first . I can always predict which card I receive first and sure enough my cousin and her husband 's card arrived on Wednesday as predicited ! At the end of the 1980s I bought a card booklet , with the details of card and present and address . The book was set up for about 10 years . At the end of the 10 years I looked around for another book similar but no one seems to sell them anymore , so I have a bit of paper in my Christmas card box and each year tick or highlight in a pen to say that I sent the card . I really should find a better way of recording it , but somehow the scrappy bPosted by The collection of tree ornaments we have are ones that we bought from our first Christmas together . There are others that were given to us by my Mum and each year Stuart and I buy at least one ornament to keep the tradition going . We tend to go for the reds and golds but there are some others that have special meanings to us , such as a Spode china Millenium bauble which always has pride of place , and a gold bell which has a picture of a Border Terrier on the side , which we bought the first Christmas we lost our lovely Monty in 2008 . We also have a lovely set of the Lilliput Lane tree decorations as Stuart collections the lovely houses , and especially the snowy and wintery ones . The decorations that we had as when I was a child are still with my Mum . The original fairy which I mentioned earlier this week is still in the family . I think Mum has it and she thinks I have it , and we won 't know until we both put our trees up and find it ! - Photos though as soon as I do . As a child we used to have chocolate ornaments on the tree which I was never allowed to have until Christmas Eve , and even then , only one . Now I don 't have them as we have our current Border Terrier , Alfie just incase he is tempted by the chocolate . My Grandmother always used to buy hamper coupons from the Unigate milkman , I don 't know if she received any special discount as my Grandfather had worked for them up until he retired , but she always had the coupons and then exchanged them a week or so before Christmas for a hamper . There was always lovely boxes of chocolates , biscuits , tins of ham and deserts and a shop made Christmas pudding . I am sure that there may have been a bottle of Sherry in the hamper , even though my Grandmother was not able to drink alcohol . There was also some lemonade and dilutable juices - like Robinsons , and some fruit . We always had Turkey for Christmas Day along with the trimmings . On Boxing Day the usual lunch meal was bubble and Squeak with either the Turkey cold or made into Rissoles . I still have the mincer that my Grandmother used and I still do some of things that we did when I was a child , and those special moments live on for another generation . Every year , this rather tatty extract from a Woman 's Realm Mag appears . I had chance to have a proper glance at it . The receipe is from The Archer 's Country Cookbook by Martha Woodford published in 1977 . Melt the chocolate over a basin of hot water . Beat in the icing sugar , egg yolk , almonds , cream and rum and pound altogether until mixture is smooth , and form into little balls . Roll each truffle in a little vermicelli and coat it . As a child we always had an artificial Christmas tree I think , usually a traditional styled green one with pretty coloured fairy lights and the fairy that my Grandparents used to put on their tree . When I married we purchased a lovely and different artifical white tree which we got from the department store here in the UK called Alders , they have since gone under , but the tree lives on , albeit , in the loft . Our current tree is also artificial , a beautiful green one , with a hit of snow and built in lights , nice and tall , well taller than me ! - Its about six foot . My hubby is the usual tree decorator in this house , I find it a bit of a performance ; I am not known for lots of patience ! I would really love a real tree , but we don 't mainly because of mess and because they are not terribly pet friendly ! BUT , outside , on the edge of our path leading to the house we have a medium size planter situated on the end pillar . There did use to be a leaping salmon until it disappeared , despite us not living in a dubious area , anyway after spending over a year looking for a replacement fish , and failing we decided on the planter . That spent a few months empty then last Christmas we saw in the local garden centre a miniture Blue Spruz and thought why not ? It sat in the planter , undecorated last year as we were not able to find suitable lights for it , but this year , well wait and see ( photo as soon as the lights on and the indoor tree is up ) . Uploaded 21st Dec photo of the indoor tree , once again decorated by hubby ! I periodically do a Google search with the words Swans on the Wey to see what it displays . Usually I get a whole pile of entrys which reflect each of the words individually , even with the phrase in quotes , but today , I stuck almost lucky . I stumbled across a lovely painting at a Blog called Don 's Adventures and I simply has to post a comment on that Blog . The painting , of two graceful swans on the River Wey in Surrey England reminds me of a painting that I saw in an art gallary in the shopping centre in Sutton ( Surrey ) . My Grandmother died in April 1995 and it was just after this that I saw the painting . I was enthralled with it . I had the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I " wanted that painting " . The shop was closing so I was unable to go in . Thinking that I was " safe " I left it to the next day . I went back the next day to find the painting had left the window , I hoped it has been moved , but alas sold and taken by the new owners . I felt almost distraught for a paining that I could never own . I wish I knew who the artist was , but alas all I can remember was the title Swans on the Wey , which was perfect as I have lots of memories of my beloved Grandmother feeding the Swans on the River Wey which was at the end of her garden . Thanks go to Don for sharing such a lovely picture and bringing to life some lovely and treasured memories . As I said in an earlier post I managed to photograph some images that were originally camcordered back in 1993 . This is two of those images . These photo shows my later Father in Law , Derek Goucher 's first cousin Florence Ramage nee Worship along with someone called Rani Maharaj Singh . I had known from stories told to me that Florence and her husband John had spent some time in India , and there are photos to confirm that . They clearly moved in the Indian Society circles of the times - which would have been the early to mid 1950s , so just after Independence from the " British Empire " So who was Rani Maharaj Singh ? The photographs were taken to commemorate the YMCA Carnival in 1953Rani Maharaj Singh was the wife of the first Indian Governor of Bombay ( 1948 - 1952 ) , the Honorable Raja Maharaj Singh . In 1949 She led Bombay 's City Council for child welfare with funds that had been pledged by UNESCO . In 1952 Rani Maharaj Singh is mentioned in the Day books of Eleanor Roosevelt . With the entry for 11th March 1952 reading " . . . . . We returned on time for a luncheon given by the Governor and Her Excellency , Rani Maharaj Singh . It has been a great joy to have Mrs . Pandit here , for she is the most thoughtful hostess imaginable . . . . . . . . . " So it would appear that Rani Maharah Singh held quite a place in the history of India and it really is quite interesting how she came to meet Florence Ramage , perhaps at a fund raising event . Back in 1993 we had the opportunity to video a selection of material that my father in law had of his family . We recorded the material initially on a camcorder tape then transfered it to Video and more recently to DVD . I have now managed to photograph the photographic images using my iPhone . Now the images are OK , not brilliant , but OK and at least I can work with them . It was a nice couple of hours having a look at the material . There was information that I had forgotten we had . Which just shows it is good to go back to basics once in a while . I was catching up with my viewing of the BBC Antiques Roadshow from last week ( 14th November 2010 ) when a rather interesting item came upon the screen . The item was described as a ham stand , and of slickware and contained a genealogical mystery . The photo is not terribly good , although I am rather impressed with the result from a iPhone via a pause replay of a TV program ! The details on the stand are as follows : M representing the surname and both the bride and groom had the initial of J for their respective forenames . The fish symbol implies that the groom was either associated with the fishing industry or a keen fisherman . The name of Clapham refers to the location of the wedding and the date if September 3rd , 1787 . So who were J & J M and where is the Clapham refered to on the plate ? It does stand to reason that anyone who could afford a plate that would house a ham that size would come from a household of some income and thus could be an angler , rather than a fisherman living on a tiny income , but at this stage in the research I must not jump to any concluions . Oh , the estimate given to this rather fascinating antique was between £ 2 , 500 and £ 3 , 500 . The KING daughters , there were seven of them are alike to the daughters of Mr & Mr Bennett in Jane Austin novel . All the daughters and their brother had a connection to India & the East India Company . More on that side of the family later . The contact wrote that she had a picture of a painting that depicted three of the sisters . The painting was painted by the artist Thompson and was painted in 1795 . The painting is mentioned in two books that connect to the family , An Honourable Company by Margaret Bellaisis and A Master Mariner by Captain R . W . Eastwick and has a lovely romantic story attached to it . Thompson took a fancy to the younger of the sisters in the painting - Lucy King and proposed marriage . When Lucy declined he refused the finish the painting and retained it . Twenty five years later Lucy who by then was known as Mrs Eastwick was walking through London and noticed Thompson , she asked her son to go after him and when he saw who it was asked Lucy and her son to accompany him back to his home where he revealed the painting which had he said been completed from memory . Thompson then gave the painting to Lucy . The painting is in the hands of the family , sadly not this part of the family ! But isn 't the painting a beauty ? Lucy Eastwick nee King is the lady on the far right of the painting . As I said the painting was done in 1795 , and for me to now see a copy of it is simply wonderful . Thanks to my contact PP for sharing this with me . For just over the last two weeks I have had a dreadful cold , which has developed into a chest infection and I have felt rubbish for days . I didn 't therefore do much I what I planned to do during my recent annual leave , which is very frustrating . That said I have caught up on some reading , watch this space for a review of another three James Paterson books . I have also caught up on some rest . Last Friday there was a burst water main near us , and we were without water for about 3 hours . As we have been poorly we have had heating on a bit and the pressure on our heating boiler dropped and then ceased working . The boiler refused to work until the pressure in the system was increased and that could not be increased because of the burst water main and then the subsequent reroute of the water supply . I phoned the water company - South West Water and was told I could apply for compensation and I would receive a call within 2 days . On Monday a chap phoned me . He was deeply sorry but we were not inconvienced enough to qualify for the compensation of , drum roll please , are your ready ? £ 20 . Yes that is right the most expensive water company in the UK can not give us compensation of £ 20 . When I asked why the chap was simply not prepared to do the right thing , he simply said " What is the right thing " my response was if he had to ask a customer then perhaps he should reflect on his manager role . . . . . well I assume that he was a manager he did not introduce himself at the start of the conversation nor did he state his role at the water company . For all I know he was the guy digging the hole at the burst main last Friday . Anyway , it is not about the money , I 've been known to spend more than £ 20 on books , for me it was about the principle of the whole event . As I was already in a grumpy mood , I then made a telephone call to the warrenty company with whom we have a package with for our car . At the end of October we took the car for an MOT and service and a few bits needed to be done , of course ! - so we had a bit of a debate with the Posted by Published as part of the Britain 's Living History Series , this slim volume , for the book contains just 64 pages , yet contains a wealth of information . Written in a clear easy to read format with photographic illustrations and broken down into chapters complete with a concluding index . This book encourages us to delve beyond the name and dates on the headstone , and to look further at the style of the Memorial , the graphics upon it and the even the types of stone used to make it . Readers are encouraged to get out and about and explore their local churchyard using the knowledge within the book to gain further information about those commemorated upon the stones . Out for a morning jog Lindsay rescues a child from a burning building . The house contains 3 dead bodies , a missing baby and a missing au pair . A mystery message left at the scene of the fire leads Lindsay and the Women 's Murder club members hot on the trail of a killer or two . BBC News - National census in 2011 could be last of its kindFrom the BBC website : The national census due to take place in 2011 could be the last of its kind . The BBC understands that the government is examining other ways of measuring population and other statistics than the survey of all homes every 10 years . In future , data could be gathered from records held by the Post Office , local government and credit checking agencies - thought to be more effective . The government said it was " examining " whether changes could be made but no decision had been reached . A census has been carried out every decade since 1801 , apart from during World War II . Next year 's census , sent to every household , will cost an estimated £ 482m . It asks for detailed information including nationality , religious faith and marital status . There will be separate censuses across the UK on the same day , 27 March 2011 , organised by the Office for National Statistics in England and Wales , the General Register Office for Scotland and the Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency . ' Accurate data ' Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude believes the process is inefficient and its results quickly become out of date . He told the Daily Telegraph : " There are , I believe , ways of doing this which will provide better , quicker information , more frequently and cheaper . " Mr Maude said population counts could be done more often using various databases . " This would give you more accurate , much more timely data in real time . There is a load of data out there in loads of different places , " he said . The BBC 's Adam Fleming at Westminster says that , although work on the 2011 census is too far advanced to make major changes , it is hoped savings can still be made . A Cabinet Office spokesman said : " Work began some time ago to explore alternatives to the conventional census model after 2011 , and that work is continuing . " We are committed to making a success of the 2011 Census , while endeavouring to cut its costs , currently expected to be around £ 460 million . " The expenditure alreaPosted by I am a Surrey girl , who is very proud of her roots , which go back almost 300 years in Surrey , Sussex and Hampshire . I currently live in the West Country of England , but Surrey is always home ! I am also half Italian and thus have an interest in Italian culture and genealogy . After a career in pharmacy management spanning more than 20 years , I made the decision to look at my options as to where my professional life was heading . I wanted to expand my work portfolio within the training and writing arena ; to utilise my historical and research skills along with other qualifications and years of experience . I created The Book of Me , Written by You back in the Autumn of 2012 . It threads together the focus of my interests and qualifications . Enabling me to encourage others to think beyond the obvious as we analyse our own lives and those of our close family members . View my complete profile The material , both written and photographic on these pages is the copyright of Julie Goucher & Anglers Rest unless stated . Material on this site may be used for personal reference only . If you wish to use any of the material on this site for other means , please seek the written permission of Julie Goucher & Anglers Rest . © 2002 - 2015
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Today has not been a good day . The last link with my Grandfather 's family passed away this morning and has left a void that will be quite impossible to fill . Born Lilian Dorothy Butcher in February 1915 , the second youngest of a family of 12 . Aunt was always known to us as Doll , the nick name given to her by her brothers because of her petite size . Whilst she was never a large lady in size she had both character and depth far great than anyone I have ever known . Aunt married Richard May at St Nicholas Church Guildford in 1936 . Widowed in 1958 Aunt never remarried , but devoted her life to her son , nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews . Whilst this posting may seem rather morbid , I didn 't want to let Aunt 's passing be unmentioned . I have some wonderful memories and in time , when I feel stronger , they will appear in this blog in remembrance of a true lady . I was indeed very lucky to have had such a wonderful relationship with her , both as Great Aunt and as my Godmother . I will truly miss her . She is now reunited with her beloved husband , son and her siblings . Photo taken May 2008 . I have simply loved writing the advent calendar posts . These have been huge journalling prompts and have encouraged me to write and think about times past . They have also highlighted to me the questions that I wish I had asked . I have though not managed to keep to schedule , which is personally irritating to me and what subjects I have not posted on as yet will be posted on during the next few days . Alas , work has been the culprit this year and I have certainly lost my work - home life balence which will be recovered for 2011 . Christmas always has its sad moments , in that we miss our deceased relatives , and yet remember with fondness and love those who have passed away . My Grandmother , always comes to my mind because her birthday , on 18th December was a week before Christmas and this has appeared elsewhere during the Advent Calender postings . The last Christmas my Grandmother was alive she came to stay with us . Stuart did lots of recordings of her , asking her questions and listening to her remembering past times . Even now , some 14 years on I can not listen to those tapes or watch the video . When Stuart transfers it to DVD which he will do next year he 'll do it when I am out as I still miss her dreadfully . Then in the late 1990s my Nephew , then aged 16 years died on 18th December as a result of a tragic accident involving another school boy . His funeral was on Christmas Eve and although I was not especially close to my Nephew , my husband was and my thoughts always turn to him and the fact that his young life was wasted . This year we lost my Father in Law and this is the first Christmas without him . Likewise , I was not especially close to him , but his death , was unexpected and this year will of course bring sadness to our Christmas . Amongst that sadness is of course joy , as each of those individuals has a special place in our hearts and we have some wonderful memories , which , when the time is right will probably appear in this blog . May they rest in peace , in the knowledge that they are missed everyday . The first full lunar eclipse to coincide with a winter solstice since 1554 . UK & Europe will be able to watch from 0741 GMT on Tuesday 21st Dec . I was up in anticipation of seeing something wonderful . Sadly it was cloudy where I was and that was rather disappointing . There have been some great photos posted on the web . Here is the photograph posted to the local BBC radio station on Face Book - Good Morning Devon and here is the details from Sky News . Over the last three or four weeks we have had very cold weather , heavy frosts and the odd sprinkle of snow , so I was not overly surprised to find a heavy frost as we left the house at midnight on Saturday . We live half way on a hill in a cul - de - sac and the car was pointing the wrong way . Which meant that we had to drive down and turn . There is always a horrid bit in the middle of the turning area which has a tendancy to get very icy and Saturday morning was no exception . So there I was at midnight trying to push the car . Just when it seemed hopeless we managed it and set off . I spent the next hour or so pushing the trolley round gathering groceries . We made it home and I collapsed into bed at abou 2am , planning on sleeping until 7am when I needed to be up and away for work . Imagine my horror when I saw this at 7 . 00am I went to leave and we tried to move the car and made it to the turning point , then . . . . . Lots of wheel spins and Anglo Saxon . We managed with the help of a neighbour , some carpet under the wheels and sand to get the car back outside the house which is halfway up the hill . I have worked muscles that perhaps are new or have not been used in the last 20 years ! Anyway , I didn 't make it to work . Monday faired no better . We had no more snow here , but we had dreadful icy conditions . Driving was not an option and actually neither was walking . I don 't recall ever having a stocking as a child , just this pillowcase into which my presents were placed . Since I have been married to what can only be described as the biggest Christmas baby of all time ! Stuart 's birthday is on the 21st and he simply LOVES Christmas , I have always prepared a stocking for everyone . Traditionally , I know that stockings always contain fruits and nuts and perhaps a small toy , or at least that is what my Grandmother always said was in her stocking . This year I went to fill the stockings to struggle to find them . I sorted through the Christmas decorations box several times to no avail , and resorted to having the wrap the stocking gifts on Christmas Eve . Note to self to buy some nice new ones for 2011 . Today 's posting is a free for all . Tomorrow , 18th December 2010 would have been my beloved Grandmother 's birthday . Born in 18th December 1912 Lilian Edith Matthews to John Matthews and Elizabeth Mary nee Elstone at Guildford Surrey England . Gran was one of 11 children and the second child to be both in 1912 , although she was not a twin . My Uncle had been born in the January of the same year ! She married my Grandfather George Butcher in November 1939 and ironically made her marital home in the same road that she was born in , just at the opposite end of the road ! No photographs of the wedding have ever been located , but here are two from my collection . The first one ( above ) of my Grandmother aged 12 years and the second taken ( below ) at her 21st Birthday . Mum has used the following recipe since the early 1980s , actually my Grandmother spotted it in a copy of Woman Magazine , and since then we have used this one , albeit , the copy does look in rather a sorry state ! The actual date is gleened from a book review on the reverse of the recipe - 1983 ! Here is the cake for the Christmas of 2006 , icing was not brilliant as I recall , probably too much wine ! See the original post from 2006 Although I now live in the West Country of England , I was born and brought up in Guildford Surrey , and still consider that home . There was always a magical feel about Guildford , the cobbled historical High Street with the Rotary Club playing music , usually outside W H Smiths and collecting for local charities , The shops full of Christmas decorations and music and the temperature fresh and cold , but not like the weather of late , where the temperature has been well below freezing , not typical for the UK . In the last 10 years or so the world of retail therapy has changed beyond recognition . I am pondering back to the days when shops closed at 5 or 6pm apart from perhaps local deli 's and corner shops and the only other shops open into the evening were DIY stores and supermarkets and those were open late until 7 or 8pm . In the run up to Christmas the shops would open on Sundays and even the post was delivered on a Sunday too for the few sundays preceding Christmas . Now we live in a world when you can do your grocery shopping in the early hours and shop online . I wonder what previous generations would make of that ? The shops being open on a Sunday back then had a magical feel to it , and somehow in this world of technology we have lost some of the Christmas magic . On Christmas Eve we always attended Midnight Mass at Holy Trinity Church , an impressive church situated at the top of the High Street . We did not live in Holy Trinity parish , but in St Nicholas , but always attended at Holy Trinity . It wasn 't until I started researching my own family history that I established that we had links to the parish that start with my Several times Great Grandfather George Ellis born in 1811 in Holy Trinity parish . Having now moved to the South West I do not feel that same enthusiasm to go to the local church for the midnight mass and very often we are well in bed before the magical hour . Oh my , I was doing some Christmas shopping today and pondering on some small bits to go into a couple of Christmas stockings . I was overwhelmed with the incredible amount of expensive nothing presents , and wonder just how we got to be such a society . My Grandmother always said that she and her siblings had a Christmas stocking . In it was a sugar mouse , a tangerine and some nuts . The boys had a small car or soldier and the girls a small dolly . The money value for the early 20th Century to a working class family preparing stockings for a family of 11 children would have meant cuts in other areas of expenditure to provide those meagre gifts . In comparison to the stockings of today when we spend so much more and I wonder if we really enjoy the gifts we receive and give ? Or are we simply swept away in the retail commercial hyper . On my bookcase are several books given to me by family members , in some cases relatives that are no longer here . I was surprised to see that I had kept the gift card in one book dated 1985 . The book rarely looked at now , holds many special memories and now sits as one of my treasured possessions . One gift that I love dearly was bought for me by my husband two or three years ago . I would never have purchased it myself , not due to the expense , or the thought that I would hardly wear it , but simply because I just wouldn 't . So I treasure it not only because Stuart bought it for me , but because it is a beautiful simple gift that says more than many words , and one that is a treat for me , and only me . Of course , no matter how big the gift or how expensive the gift , the ones that we treasure the most are those that create such wonderful memories . I have used AVG for anti - virus for about 10 years and always upgraded at the point of when the upgrades are released . This year was no exception for attempting the upgrade , the issue was the success of the upgrade . I have spent a huge amount of the last 3 days removing the last version and installing the new version . Each time , as usual the machine needs to shut down and reboot . The problem occurred when each time the reboot happened that there was no evidence of the new version . I trawled through the online AVG forums and there were references that others had had this issue of remove old , install new , reboot and then repeat , with no success of actually loading the new program . I was simply grateful that I was trying to update my desktop PC running XP rather than my laptop on Vista . I finally had success - Hooray ! 1 . Read http : / / www . avg . com / ww - en / faq ? num = 3262 # faq _ 3262and check that you have administrator facilities on your computer2 . Install the 2011 programme viahttp : / / free . avg . com / gb - en / download - avg - anti - virus - free3 . Make sure that the files are not still lingering on your PC - check Program files AND in documents and settings deleting any references to AVG 7 , AVG 8 , AVG 9 and Grisoft . ( I had some as Grisoft and almost missed it ) 4 . Then ensure that ALL evidence of previous versions is removed from the computer registry by visiting http : / / www . avg . com / ww - en / download - tools ( use 32 bit if your not sure of 32 or 64 . ) 5 . You MIGHT need to re do point 2 and that is fine ! I completed the above steps for my XP desktop and my Vista laptop . Disclaimer : I am not a shareholder in AVG , just a satisfied ( and temporarily frustrated AVG user ! ) . I am no computer expert , if I had been it would not have taken me 3 days ! so follow the above advice with caution and please do not email me with hate emails if it goes wrong , but I successfully managed it ! Good luck ! I think one of the most memorable Christmas Parties has to be Australia 1996 . We had only been in our current home for about 4 weeks , we were still knee deep in packing boxes in some rooms - my study especially . We left England on 19th December and arrived in Sydney on 21st December . I will never forget the flight . We flew with a Greek airline because we had had to change our travel plans at short notice as my Cousin who was getting married between Christmas & New Year had , had a change of plans . We had a direct flight , well as direct as 10 , 000 miles can be , with a stop over in Bangkok for a refuel . Every time the plane landed and took off there was an eruption of clapping and cheering . I put it down to Christmas spirit rather cheering successful flying ! I don 't recall it being exceptionally cold here that year before Christmas , but we spent 50 hours traveling door to door and left temperatures of approximately 10 degrees centigrade and arrived to about 28 degrees centigrade , and definitely over dressed ! We arrived on Stuart 's birthday , therefore everyone had gathered at my cousin 's house for our arrival which was fantastic . That year Christmas started on the 19th December and lasted through the arrival party , Christmas , my cousin 's wedding , New Year up until we left on 19th January . Very happy memories . I can 't remember going to Santa , but I guess I did . I asked Mum if she could remember and she said she took me when I was between the ages of 3 - 5 to see the Santa at the Debenhams department store in Guildford . I was apparently not keen to go and was unimpressed and she didn 't take me again . Mum went onto say with a bit of a smirk that I was fairly antisocial ! Me , antisocial , surely not ! Anyway , I went onto explain to Mum why I was probably unimpressed with Santa . I can 't recall exactly when , but I recall waking up one year in the early hours of Christmas morning to Mum in her red dressing gown putting my stocking come pillowcase at the bottom of the bed . I guess then , my thoughts of a man with a red gown and white , bushy beard were shattered . I can though still remember this red dressing gown with small flowers on with green leafy bits and yellow petals . It was the early 1970s and I am sure Mum is delighted that there is no photograph of the said dressing gown ! What is amazing is that I had never actually confessed to seeing Mum that Christmas morning until we discussed it for me to write this blog post . This random gathering of keys represents bits of our lives , both as single individuals and as a couple . I came across the pot of miscellaneous keys at the back of one of the cupboards in the breakfast room this morning . When we married we put all the keys together in a pot , not current keys , but ones we thought we perhaps should keep just incase . We have lived in this house 14 years and over the years have added to the box , but do we know what the keys belong to ? It is anyone 's guess . , although I have a few ideas for some of the keys . It made me think though , as individuals or couples we accumulate and gather a whole host of stuff , things we keep because they mean something to us , but perhaps not to other people . Our ancestors did it and perhaps we have inherited their collection of " stuff " and we now wonder just what that pile of bits meant to them . Perhaps we will leave a collection of things to our descendants or inheritants that are a total mystery . Every little thing our lives touch means something . Food for though . . . . . . . I am not a fan of outside decorations , but Stuart is . He loves the whole Christmas thing - music on the radio , CDs , decorations , foods and I guess cards , as long as he isn 't is writing them ! Last year was the first year we had an outside decoration . Even I have to say it , they were some subtle while ice lights that dripped down from the second floor windows . Alas they did not survive the untypical harsh winter and returned to the shop for a refund . We have since then replaced them with a more sturdy set ready for this Christmas but they are not up yet , but I know Stuart is getting itchy to get the tree and decorations up . As I said in an earlier post we have a small outside tree with some suitable lights they are not up yet either , but as soon as I do there will be photos ! Back in 1996 we spent Christmas in far warmer climes ; in NSW Australia with family . The street lights and decorations put on by residents in one street , Athol Street in Wagga Wagga was very impressive . I am not sure if I took photos , but I will see if there are any , there were certainly LOTS of photos of the trip and if I find one of all the Christmas lights & decorations I 'll upload it . I remember both my Mum and Grandmother sending cards , but not how many or what happened to them . I have a few old cards , perhaps the last one received from a particular relative , or those with a photograph or letter . Any that my Grandmother received I now have . Currently they are in a box packed away in a box awaiting scanning and archiving . I can 't really remember where they were displayed , I suspect the mantlepiece as that is where I have mine and on the dresser and other furniture in our lounge . I probably started sending cards when I as about 12 or 13 . Mainly to school friends , but when I left home and then subsequently married to family members . In many cases a Christmas card is the only contact we have , which is a shame . When we first set up home together and started sending cards as a couple I asked for Stuart 's card list . He looked at me blankly and said he only sent about 6 cards , I was amazed , that meant the other 60 odd were mine ! Since then I have written all the cards and letters and Stuart 's list has not really got any bigger . My list has reduced a little bit , but not by much . Even people that I communicate with online these days still get a card in the post and they get an additional email . I keep the email letters and file these with letters I recieve , along with any letters and cards that arrive in the mail . I usually aim to send my cards out early December , but each year I seem to get later and later . The overseas ones always go first . I can always predict which card I receive first and sure enough my cousin and her husband 's card arrived on Wednesday as predicited ! At the end of the 1980s I bought a card booklet , with the details of card and present and address . The book was set up for about 10 years . At the end of the 10 years I looked around for another book similar but no one seems to sell them anymore , so I have a bit of paper in my Christmas card box and each year tick or highlight in a pen to say that I sent the card . I really should find a better way of recording it , but somehow the scrappy bPosted by The collection of tree ornaments we have are ones that we bought from our first Christmas together . There are others that were given to us by my Mum and each year Stuart and I buy at least one ornament to keep the tradition going . We tend to go for the reds and golds but there are some others that have special meanings to us , such as a Spode china Millenium bauble which always has pride of place , and a gold bell which has a picture of a Border Terrier on the side , which we bought the first Christmas we lost our lovely Monty in 2008 . We also have a lovely set of the Lilliput Lane tree decorations as Stuart collections the lovely houses , and especially the snowy and wintery ones . The decorations that we had as when I was a child are still with my Mum . The original fairy which I mentioned earlier this week is still in the family . I think Mum has it and she thinks I have it , and we won 't know until we both put our trees up and find it ! - Photos though as soon as I do . As a child we used to have chocolate ornaments on the tree which I was never allowed to have until Christmas Eve , and even then , only one . Now I don 't have them as we have our current Border Terrier , Alfie just incase he is tempted by the chocolate . My Grandmother always used to buy hamper coupons from the Unigate milkman , I don 't know if she received any special discount as my Grandfather had worked for them up until he retired , but she always had the coupons and then exchanged them a week or so before Christmas for a hamper . There was always lovely boxes of chocolates , biscuits , tins of ham and deserts and a shop made Christmas pudding . I am sure that there may have been a bottle of Sherry in the hamper , even though my Grandmother was not able to drink alcohol . There was also some lemonade and dilutable juices - like Robinsons , and some fruit . We always had Turkey for Christmas Day along with the trimmings . On Boxing Day the usual lunch meal was bubble and Squeak with either the Turkey cold or made into Rissoles . I still have the mincer that my Grandmother used and I still do some of things that we did when I was a child , and those special moments live on for another generation . Every year , this rather tatty extract from a Woman 's Realm Mag appears . I had chance to have a proper glance at it . The receipe is from The Archer 's Country Cookbook by Martha Woodford published in 1977 . Melt the chocolate over a basin of hot water . Beat in the icing sugar , egg yolk , almonds , cream and rum and pound altogether until mixture is smooth , and form into little balls . Roll each truffle in a little vermicelli and coat it . As a child we always had an artificial Christmas tree I think , usually a traditional styled green one with pretty coloured fairy lights and the fairy that my Grandparents used to put on their tree . When I married we purchased a lovely and different artifical white tree which we got from the department store here in the UK called Alders , they have since gone under , but the tree lives on , albeit , in the loft . Our current tree is also artificial , a beautiful green one , with a hit of snow and built in lights , nice and tall , well taller than me ! - Its about six foot . My hubby is the usual tree decorator in this house , I find it a bit of a performance ; I am not known for lots of patience ! I would really love a real tree , but we don 't mainly because of mess and because they are not terribly pet friendly ! BUT , outside , on the edge of our path leading to the house we have a medium size planter situated on the end pillar . There did use to be a leaping salmon until it disappeared , despite us not living in a dubious area , anyway after spending over a year looking for a replacement fish , and failing we decided on the planter . That spent a few months empty then last Christmas we saw in the local garden centre a miniture Blue Spruz and thought why not ? It sat in the planter , undecorated last year as we were not able to find suitable lights for it , but this year , well wait and see ( photo as soon as the lights on and the indoor tree is up ) . Uploaded 21st Dec photo of the indoor tree , once again decorated by hubby ! I periodically do a Google search with the words Swans on the Wey to see what it displays . Usually I get a whole pile of entrys which reflect each of the words individually , even with the phrase in quotes , but today , I stuck almost lucky . I stumbled across a lovely painting at a Blog called Don 's Adventures and I simply has to post a comment on that Blog . The painting , of two graceful swans on the River Wey in Surrey England reminds me of a painting that I saw in an art gallary in the shopping centre in Sutton ( Surrey ) . My Grandmother died in April 1995 and it was just after this that I saw the painting . I was enthralled with it . I had the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I " wanted that painting " . The shop was closing so I was unable to go in . Thinking that I was " safe " I left it to the next day . I went back the next day to find the painting had left the window , I hoped it has been moved , but alas sold and taken by the new owners . I felt almost distraught for a paining that I could never own . I wish I knew who the artist was , but alas all I can remember was the title Swans on the Wey , which was perfect as I have lots of memories of my beloved Grandmother feeding the Swans on the River Wey which was at the end of her garden . Thanks go to Don for sharing such a lovely picture and bringing to life some lovely and treasured memories . As I said in an earlier post I managed to photograph some images that were originally camcordered back in 1993 . This is two of those images . These photo shows my later Father in Law , Derek Goucher 's first cousin Florence Ramage nee Worship along with someone called Rani Maharaj Singh . I had known from stories told to me that Florence and her husband John had spent some time in India , and there are photos to confirm that . They clearly moved in the Indian Society circles of the times - which would have been the early to mid 1950s , so just after Independence from the " British Empire " So who was Rani Maharaj Singh ? The photographs were taken to commemorate the YMCA Carnival in 1953Rani Maharaj Singh was the wife of the first Indian Governor of Bombay ( 1948 - 1952 ) , the Honorable Raja Maharaj Singh . In 1949 She led Bombay 's City Council for child welfare with funds that had been pledged by UNESCO . In 1952 Rani Maharaj Singh is mentioned in the Day books of Eleanor Roosevelt . With the entry for 11th March 1952 reading " . . . . . We returned on time for a luncheon given by the Governor and Her Excellency , Rani Maharaj Singh . It has been a great joy to have Mrs . Pandit here , for she is the most thoughtful hostess imaginable . . . . . . . . . " So it would appear that Rani Maharah Singh held quite a place in the history of India and it really is quite interesting how she came to meet Florence Ramage , perhaps at a fund raising event . Back in 1993 we had the opportunity to video a selection of material that my father in law had of his family . We recorded the material initially on a camcorder tape then transfered it to Video and more recently to DVD . I have now managed to photograph the photographic images using my iPhone . Now the images are OK , not brilliant , but OK and at least I can work with them . It was a nice couple of hours having a look at the material . There was information that I had forgotten we had . Which just shows it is good to go back to basics once in a while . I was catching up with my viewing of the BBC Antiques Roadshow from last week ( 14th November 2010 ) when a rather interesting item came upon the screen . The item was described as a ham stand , and of slickware and contained a genealogical mystery . The photo is not terribly good , although I am rather impressed with the result from a iPhone via a pause replay of a TV program ! The details on the stand are as follows : M representing the surname and both the bride and groom had the initial of J for their respective forenames . The fish symbol implies that the groom was either associated with the fishing industry or a keen fisherman . The name of Clapham refers to the location of the wedding and the date if September 3rd , 1787 . So who were J & J M and where is the Clapham refered to on the plate ? It does stand to reason that anyone who could afford a plate that would house a ham that size would come from a household of some income and thus could be an angler , rather than a fisherman living on a tiny income , but at this stage in the research I must not jump to any concluions . Oh , the estimate given to this rather fascinating antique was between £ 2 , 500 and £ 3 , 500 . The KING daughters , there were seven of them are alike to the daughters of Mr & Mr Bennett in Jane Austin novel . All the daughters and their brother had a connection to India & the East India Company . More on that side of the family later . The contact wrote that she had a picture of a painting that depicted three of the sisters . The painting was painted by the artist Thompson and was painted in 1795 . The painting is mentioned in two books that connect to the family , An Honourable Company by Margaret Bellaisis and A Master Mariner by Captain R . W . Eastwick and has a lovely romantic story attached to it . Thompson took a fancy to the younger of the sisters in the painting - Lucy King and proposed marriage . When Lucy declined he refused the finish the painting and retained it . Twenty five years later Lucy who by then was known as Mrs Eastwick was walking through London and noticed Thompson , she asked her son to go after him and when he saw who it was asked Lucy and her son to accompany him back to his home where he revealed the painting which had he said been completed from memory . Thompson then gave the painting to Lucy . The painting is in the hands of the family , sadly not this part of the family ! But isn 't the painting a beauty ? Lucy Eastwick nee King is the lady on the far right of the painting . As I said the painting was done in 1795 , and for me to now see a copy of it is simply wonderful . Thanks to my contact PP for sharing this with me . For just over the last two weeks I have had a dreadful cold , which has developed into a chest infection and I have felt rubbish for days . I didn 't therefore do much I what I planned to do during my recent annual leave , which is very frustrating . That said I have caught up on some reading , watch this space for a review of another three James Paterson books . I have also caught up on some rest . Last Friday there was a burst water main near us , and we were without water for about 3 hours . As we have been poorly we have had heating on a bit and the pressure on our heating boiler dropped and then ceased working . The boiler refused to work until the pressure in the system was increased and that could not be increased because of the burst water main and then the subsequent reroute of the water supply . I phoned the water company - South West Water and was told I could apply for compensation and I would receive a call within 2 days . On Monday a chap phoned me . He was deeply sorry but we were not inconvienced enough to qualify for the compensation of , drum roll please , are your ready ? £ 20 . Yes that is right the most expensive water company in the UK can not give us compensation of £ 20 . When I asked why the chap was simply not prepared to do the right thing , he simply said " What is the right thing " my response was if he had to ask a customer then perhaps he should reflect on his manager role . . . . . well I assume that he was a manager he did not introduce himself at the start of the conversation nor did he state his role at the water company . For all I know he was the guy digging the hole at the burst main last Friday . Anyway , it is not about the money , I 've been known to spend more than £ 20 on books , for me it was about the principle of the whole event . As I was already in a grumpy mood , I then made a telephone call to the warrenty company with whom we have a package with for our car . At the end of October we took the car for an MOT and service and a few bits needed to be done , of course ! - so we had a bit of a debate with the Posted by Published as part of the Britain 's Living History Series , this slim volume , for the book contains just 64 pages , yet contains a wealth of information . Written in a clear easy to read format with photographic illustrations and broken down into chapters complete with a concluding index . This book encourages us to delve beyond the name and dates on the headstone , and to look further at the style of the Memorial , the graphics upon it and the even the types of stone used to make it . Readers are encouraged to get out and about and explore their local churchyard using the knowledge within the book to gain further information about those commemorated upon the stones . Out for a morning jog Lindsay rescues a child from a burning building . The house contains 3 dead bodies , a missing baby and a missing au pair . A mystery message left at the scene of the fire leads Lindsay and the Women 's Murder club members hot on the trail of a killer or two . BBC News - National census in 2011 could be last of its kindFrom the BBC website : The national census due to take place in 2011 could be the last of its kind . The BBC understands that the government is examining other ways of measuring population and other statistics than the survey of all homes every 10 years . In future , data could be gathered from records held by the Post Office , local government and credit checking agencies - thought to be more effective . The government said it was " examining " whether changes could be made but no decision had been reached . A census has been carried out every decade since 1801 , apart from during World War II . Next year 's census , sent to every household , will cost an estimated £ 482m . It asks for detailed information including nationality , religious faith and marital status . There will be separate censuses across the UK on the same day , 27 March 2011 , organised by the Office for National Statistics in England and Wales , the General Register Office for Scotland and the Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency . ' Accurate data ' Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude believes the process is inefficient and its results quickly become out of date . He told the Daily Telegraph : " There are , I believe , ways of doing this which will provide better , quicker information , more frequently and cheaper . " Mr Maude said population counts could be done more often using various databases . " This would give you more accurate , much more timely data in real time . There is a load of data out there in loads of different places , " he said . The BBC 's Adam Fleming at Westminster says that , although work on the 2011 census is too far advanced to make major changes , it is hoped savings can still be made . A Cabinet Office spokesman said : " Work began some time ago to explore alternatives to the conventional census model after 2011 , and that work is continuing . " We are committed to making a success of the 2011 Census , while endeavouring to cut its costs , currently expected to be around £ 460 million . " The expenditure alreaPosted by I am a Surrey girl , who is very proud of her roots , which go back almost 300 years in Surrey , Sussex and Hampshire . I currently live in the West Country of England , but Surrey is always home ! I am also half Italian and thus have an interest in Italian culture and genealogy . After a career in pharmacy management spanning more than 20 years , I made the decision to look at my options as to where my professional life was heading . I wanted to expand my work portfolio within the training and writing arena ; to utilise my historical and research skills along with other qualifications and years of experience . I created The Book of Me , Written by You back in the Autumn of 2012 . It threads together the focus of my interests and qualifications . Enabling me to encourage others to think beyond the obvious as we analyse our own lives and those of our close family members . View my complete profile The material , both written and photographic on these pages is the copyright of Julie Goucher & Anglers Rest unless stated . Material on this site may be used for personal reference only . If you wish to use any of the material on this site for other means , please seek the written permission of Julie Goucher & Anglers Rest . © 2002 - 2015
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After Einar told Liz , in short , clipped sentences with sometimes rather too much time between them as he struggled to put the words together , the role Muninn had played both in initiating his long absence and bringing him safely through it , she wasn 't entirely sure whether to bring the bird in and give him a share of their supper stew by way of reward , or stew him up and add him to it . She opted for the former , seeing as Einar very likely would have found some reason or other to wander down and scout out that camp even had not the raven kept bringing him scraps of cloth and wire and such , would have sensed its presence and spent even more time wandering in search of the offending human intrusion , more than likely freezing himself to death during the night in the process , the way he was looking . So the bird got let in and treated to a few rabbit bones with the meat still clinging generously to them , sat there picking and chortling in the corner as Liz wolfed down her supper and Einar poked sleepily at his , appearing unsure what to do with it and nodding over the pot , twice nearly upsetting it until Liz saw that much as he needed to eat , his demand for sleep appeared more immediate and pressing . She took the pot , set it aside and suggested they go to bed . It wasn 't dark yet , had only been early afternoon when finally she 'd made the decision to go searching for him but the outside the shadows were certainly lengthening , day already growing cooler as the sun sunk lower , and she hoped Einar , despite his usual aversion to napping during the daylight hours , would not have to wait for night to do some sleeping . Certainly didn 't appear so ; as she helped him into a set of clothes drier than those in which he 'd spent the first half of the day slogging though the damp timber - - ribs were all bruised and swollen again , and after watching him spend a full ten minutes struggling to get out of his damp clothes , she 'd had to step in and offer a hand - - it was all he could do to keep his eyes open , despite the obvious hurtPosted by Kellie said . . . yay ! both back where they belong ! It 's good to be home … colspt said . . . Whew , close call . Now Einar eat some dinner and when you finish eat dinner again . Two dinners ! I bet Liz would like him to do that , but doubt Einar can stay awake so long . Philip said . . . The FOUR of them , where they belong , ~ home ~ , let us not forget Muninn . . . . Isn 't he part of the family by now ? ? ? ? Miss Cleo says MeeeeOwwwwww ! . . . . but then I really may have written it wrong . Whatever you do , never , ever misquote a cat ! Might get her angry with you . : DYep , Muninn seems to be there to stay , and he certainly sees himself as part of the family . Nancy1340 said . . . Thanks FOTH . Thanks for reading ! Muninn , as usual , was somewhat puzzled at his human companion 's behavior , launching into the air out of startlement when first Einar stumbled and went down but not going far , circling over him and scolding until he stopped sprawling about on the ground and made an effort to rise once more . Took a good deal of effort , but Einar did at last get himself to his feet , found his spear where it had ended up partially hidden in the brush when he lost it in the fall and managed a few dizzy steps up towards the willows , Muninn leading the way and scolding all the while , his harsh , rasping voice keeping Einar somehow connected to the present and to the task at hand when his mind very much wanted to wander , drift away into the willows somewhere … willows are safe , glad I found the willows … and leave him once more sprawled out on the ground , this time almost certainly asleep within minutes as the damp seep of the willow ground crept up around him . The bird was apparently every bit as anxious to get home as Einar himself , and while Einar expected his eagerness might have a good bit to do with the fact that his accustomed scraps of meat had been entirely absent over the past day or two - - aside from what he 'd been able to steal from the searchers ' campfire - - he was nonetheless grateful for the bird 's persistence , followed his wheeling progress in the sky as he covered the remaining distance up to the cabin clearing . No smoke coming from the chimney , the place having a strange , quiet feel to it and he stood there silent for a short time , still concealed within the timber , worried for Liz but not wanting to walk into a potentially dangerous situation without first gaining some understanding of the circumstances . If only he was capable of understanding , of observing and piecing together whatever clues might lie in the clearing and forming a clear picture of what had happened , but he could in reality barely keep to his feet , head spinning and the world trying to go black around him . He fought it , steadied himself with a few dPosted by Kellie said . . . almost only counts in horseshoes ! keep going Einar ! before Liz leaves ! and for Liz and the baby 's sake , eat and drink ! Yep , he 'd better not stop until he gets there … Meplat said : No . Not at all . One who has read this whole saga would be nuts to give up on EA ! The subtitle could be 10 , 000 ways to try to kill yourself and fail ! Einar is one tough old boot . He will pull through . I was just trying to present the logical case that Liz should think through before heading out in her condition on an ill conceived rescue mission . It could end with all three of them dead . But I know it is very hard to go by cold hard logic sometimes . Been there , done that . Sometimes it comes down to this being the hill you are willing to die on . But expectant mothers have a heavier responsibility than the rest of us in this regard . I know that we often regard females as overly emotional and rattled brained in certain circumstances . Hence the term ' histrionics ' . But a factual examination of the real world will reveal that women are very pragmatic when it comes to the survival and well being of their offspring . Liz is a very practical and straight - thinking person , and yes , I agree that she has to give first priority right now to the little life that is entirely dependant on her . Einar can take care of himself . Posted by With Kilgore and the searchers well on their way out of the area Einar started back up away from the creek , skirting around the small meadow in which they had camped and shaking his head - - hopeless old vulture - - when he saw Muninn picking through the remains of their previous evening 's fire . Finding some , too , by the looks of it , and Einar stopped behind the sheltering safety of a stand of firs - - seemed likely to him that they might have protected their camp with cameras or other sensors , though he certainly hadn 't seen them do so , and had been watching the entire time , with the exception of his brief nighttime foray to the creek for water - - watching as the raven gobbled down what appeared to be scraps of tortilla and meat of some sort . His stomach twisted painfully at the sight , but he ignored it . Not a good idea . Leave it for the bird . Then something else caught his eye . Hanging by its strap from the broken - off branch of a dead spruce - - it 's leaving appeared an accidental oversight , but Einar knew better ; Kilgore would never miss that sort of thing in the final sweep he always did before leaving a campsite - - was a camouflaged bag approximately the right size and shape for carrying binoculars , but appearing a good bit lumpier than it would have , in that case . Einar was curious . Almost certainly the tracker had left that bag with the intention that he find it , but to what end ? Further intelligence , including a detailed summary of the enemy 's winter search strategy ? Supplies for Liz and the new baby ? A rigged grenade ? ( Put the fella out of his misery , he 's not listening to me , can 't get his head on straight and it 'd be best for everyone ; he could almost hear Kilgore mumbling it to himself as he pulled the pin ) Or perhaps just a snack … The possibilities were endless . And awfully risky . Figured he 'd better go have a look . But didn 't want to expose himself by venturing out into the meadow , wished there might be some way to communicate to Muninn that he needed the thing to be fetched there to him in the Posted by Kellie said . . . NNNOOOOOOO Liz ! ! ! stay put ! please ! ! ! although I would have been out there that first day , lol ! I wish I could see a picture of the parkasNancy1340 said . . . My thought exactly Kellie . LOLI think FOTH posted a photo of one of the parkas a couple of years ago at the tree - rat tree . I did post pictures of coats similar to what Einar has made Liz for carrying the baby , only these ( Inuit amauti ) on the other forum when Einar and Liz first started talking about making one . Here are a couple of images : A modern version : And here 's a short video of the coat in use with an older baby / toddler : AmautiMeplat said : Stay put Liz ! You don 't need to have a preemie at 10 , 000 + feet ! Think about it . If he got himself into a jam it was probably because he would not take care of himself . In his condition a broken leg or any mishap that left him immobile for an extended length of time in those conditions would be fatal anyway . The best thing you can do for him right now is to make sure his child and his name lives on . It is what he would want you to do . You have enough food fat and furs to get you through the winter . Hole up and have Einar 's baby . If it 's a normal delivery you can handle it yourself , women have been doing it for 400 , 000 years . If there are problems the likelihood that Einar could make a big difference are low . Have the baby and ride out the winter . After the wet muddy spring is over take the little one down to Susan 's place and let Kilgor do what he is good at . Raise your child a thousand miles away and tell him / her what a great man there father was . And best of all , let the feds knock themselves out for the next ten years chasing a ghost ! Yes , Liz can almost certainly handle the delivery by herself if needed , as long as nothing goes badly wrong - - if there 's an excessive amount of blood loss , it might be helpful to have another person there to help out - - and it would be wisest for her to stay put I think , but hey - - it sounds like you 've given up on Einar making it home , and it may be a bit too early to Posted by To Einar 's relief - - he needed to get moving , and soon , after a long cold night whose effects had been exacerbated by his recent consumption of good quantities of icy spring water - - Kilgore and his two charges woke anxious to make a start down the mountain , too anxious to take the time for a hot breakfast , even , and he breathed a sign of gladness as he sat listening to them converse , breaking down camp and wanting to be on their way downslope " before the altitude sickness can start setting in again . " Which he did not find at all likely to happen , but was glad they thought otherwise … Waiting until the men had been out of sight for several minutes Einar got creakily to his feet and followed them - - dizzy , ribs hurting but doing his best to ignore all of it , focus on the retreating search team - - keeping his distance but close enough to see as they made it down to the valley floor and followed the creek , descending . Good . Looks like I can go home . Which was to prove easier said than done … By the time the second afternoon came and went with no sign of Einar 's return , Liz knew something must have gone wrong . She knew he would not , without some very powerful reason , delay his return to her just then , not with the trouble she 'd been having on the recent climb back up to the cabin and the concern he 'd displayed at the possibility that she might be in some danger of going into early labor … he 'd been intent on placing that second cache , but had insisted he would hurry back after , and she 'd believed him . She wanted very much to go looking for him , cover the most likely route between the cabin and the cache site he had described to her in case he 'd fallen and hurt himself or run into some other sort of trouble that might be preventing his return , but considering the way she 'd been feeling that past day the thought of the climb concerned her a bit , as the last thing she wanted was for the baby to come with her far from home up a mountainside , and Einar with no idea of how to find her . She could leave a note , Posted by The dark hours crept by for Einar , stretching on slow and at times seemingly endless as he huddled against the aching cold of the night under a billion clear , unblinking stars , holding his ribs and occasionally dozing for a few fitful minutes here and there . Dozing , dreaming , one minute running for his life on half - crippled limbs through the dark , dripping jungle , endless rain blending its sound with the hushed , high - pitched , excited voices behind him , mostly blotting them out but not quite , and he knew he had to move faster or they 'd have him again , soon … and then through some trick of the mind he was the next minute safe and dry at home , someone 's home but apparently not his own , for he didn 't know the place but an enormous feast lay before him spread on a great table , heaping plates of steaming , freshly - sliced bread , its top golden brown and butter melting in such plenty on some of the slices that it was beginning to run over the sides , ham and turkey and some sort of very thinly sliced , highly seasoned beef , all steaming hot and blending its wonderful aroma with those of what appeared to be nearly a dozen casserole - type dishes , all covered with cheese , of course , melted , oozing , and then there were the pies … but he couldn 't get to any of it , could only stand there and stare , and then it was gone . All gone . Einar woke cold with an unshakable chill that seemed to come as much from inside him as it did from the night , keeping himself perfectly still and staring intently into the darkness , unsure for a time just what had been dream , and what reality . By the time he finally reached out a hand and felt the familiar soft - needled limbs of his fir enclosure , he 'd very nearly convinced himself that the part about the jungle had been real . Had seemed real enough , for sure , and it certainly wouldn 't have been the first dark , nearly sleepless night he 'd spent huddling beneath a low canopy of leaves with the rain dripping all round him and the humidity so thick it seemed one must push it aside before being aPosted by Kellie said . . . he knew the tracker had been right about his chances of leaving Liz and the baby sometime during the cold , snowy months - - not through any direct choice of his own , yes it WAS by HIS direct choices ! ! ! Oh Einar , you really are not quite right mentally ! Are any of us … ? Taking a chance is not the same as making a direct choice to leave them , as far as Einar is concerned . But he might be wrong . Kellie said . . . Thank you for the story ! ! you know you must be a great writer when your readers yell at your characters and forget they are not - real . or are they . . . . ? ? ? ? ? Fiction , it 's all fiction … : DNancy1340 said . . . Not real ? ? ? Not from my point of view young lady ! ! LOL Thanks FOTHThanks for reading ! Einar did not go far up that slope , had no intention at all of quitting the area before he saw the searchers awake , satisfied with Kilgore 's explanation of why they 'd slept the day away - - hopefully they 'd be too ashamed to question the matter , but he certainly couldn 't take that for granted - - and headed down out of the area . Which probably meant waiting through the night , as he expected them to go ahead and make camp right there in the meadow . Not a good thing having to spend another night away from Liz , but he really couldn 't see any good way around it at that point . No sense in hurrying home , only to spend the next several days wondering just where the team had gone from that meadow , if perhaps they had been suspicious of Kilgore 's split lip and gone looking , found some trace of his presence and followed it … Doubted that would happen . Kilgore was a good talker , and he had been careful not to leave a trail as he retreated from their meeting place , but if the men doubted him and got to poking around , they might well stumble upon the spot where he and the tracker had engaged in their brief struggle , and go from there … No . Couldn 't leave until they had done so , themselves , not until he was sure they were headed down and out of the area . Best get that deer hide wrapped around you , pile up some of these fir needles for insulation because it looks like you 're here for the night , and the way this wind 's blowing , you 're gonna need all the insulation you can get . With darkness beginning to descend on the mountainside and the men still having shown no sign of stirring , Kilgore busied himself with collecting firewood , knowing they would soon be growing badly chilled in their immobility if they weren 't already , would greatly appreciate a fire on waking . Also , he needed a way to explain his damaged lip , and as the injury had been inflicted by an aspen branch in the first place , the wood gathering seemed to provide a good cover . Dumping several armloads of roughly broken aspen and spruce branches betweeFreedomoftheHills Nancy1340 said . . . Anorexia is not about appearances as much as control over ones body . His soaking in cold water , limiting his food , pushing his body to / over the limit , withholding sleep , traveling miles and miles without resting . Doing any of these things is good but with limits . I see your point , but guess Einar just doesn 't know how to do a thing - - anything - - halfway . colspt said . . . With anorexia it gets to the point where it doesn 't really matter what the persons motivations are , none of them make sense anyway . As they strave their body and brain more and more the less rational they become . Einar wouldn 't take the trail mix from Kilgore because he can 't rationally think anymore . Maybe there is a fine line between living on the edge and paranoia . He wouldn 't take the food because Kilgore had just given something to those searchers to make them sleep very soundly for quite a long time , and he didn 't want to risk having the same happen to him ! At least , that 's how he was seeing it . Posted by How to refute it ? Einar supposed he could try logic but that , much as he hated to admit it , appeared solidly on the side of the tracker just then so he considered attempting to change the subject but there were no other subjects , nothing his brain could get hold of , not with the things Kilgore had just been discussing and it seemed he was lost , immensely , entirely lost with nowhere to turn . Muninn , wary of the tracker but having wanted to stay near Einar roosted on a rock nearby and Einar looked to him for an answer but the raven just looked back , tilting his head and blinking those wide , wise jet - black eyes of his , silent . Wise , perhaps , to be silent and Einar tried it - - was his way , anyhow , at most such times - - but the tracker was growing impatient , appeared very nearly ready to knock Einar another hard blow upside the head with his aspen staff , and Einar knew he could hardly afford the risk of ending up unconscious on the ground with the two searchers so close and him having no clear idea of when they might be waking . Cautious , he took a step back , recovered his knife from the place where it lay half buried in spruce needles , crouched against a spruce and returned the tracker 's stare with a defiant one of his own . Ribs hurt , and he was beginning to grow awfully cold with the extended lack of motion , muscles tightening up and tugging even further on the damaged area , adding to the hurt . He needed to move , put some distance between himself and those searchers before they woke and realized something wasn 't quite right , and didn 't want to have to earn the right to leave by talking to Kilgore . He 'd already said enough . More than enough . More than he 'd wanted to say , more than he 'd wanted to think , even , because every time he allowed his mind to go down that road … " Answers , Asmundson . I want answers , and your lady deserves ' em . Her and the kid . Got to think about what 's most important in your life right now . Where your real duty lies , and how you 're gonna live with yourself if you walk out on thatPosted by Kellie said . . . come on Einar ! get busy LIVING ! ! ! ! Leave the dying for the dead ! Be alive ! and FREE ! ! ! Sounds good … Anonymous said . . . If Einar named his son Andy , would that help him reconcile to himself I wonder ? - CCI don 't know . Don 't think Einar knows , either , but an interesting question . Thank you all for reading . Here are a couple of photos from my wanderings this past weekend : Eying the tracker suspiciously , Einar took half a step back , leaning on an aspen in an attempt to remain upright - - awfully dizzy all of a sudden , and he supposed it might have something to do with that blow to the head - and taking a firmer grip on his spear , which Kilgore had returned to him after helping him take a seat . " Nothing much to talk about Kilgore , unless you got some intel you want to pass on about this search . I 'd really like to know whether or not I need to be making plans to move real quick , leave the cabin before the baby comes . " " You mean you don 't already have them plans ? Would have figured you as the sort who 'd be half an inch from acting on three or four different escape plans at any one time , especially with what 's going on out here … " " Of course I have the plans , was just hoping real strongly not to have to put them into effect this fall with the little one about to come , but from what I heard your two friends down there saying earlier today , sounds like they may be onto us , may have heard some things to get their suspicions up . What can you tell me ? " " Nah , they don 't know where you kids are . Haven 't got a clue , or they 'd have blasted the place with a couple Hellfires by now , no doubt about it . They want you gone , man ! And don 't plan on taking any chances with letting you slip through their fingers again like you have … oh … five or six times , now ? If they do get a bead on ya , there won 't likely be any time to put those escape plans of yours into effect , even if you got ' em . But like I said , they don 't have any solid idea of where to go looking . And will have even less of one by the time I get done with them . I 'm gonna run them around real good , let them come just close enough to think they 've covered this area real thoroughly and then move ' em along out of here to continue their winter - long wild goose chase through the mountains . Wild coyote chase , more like it . Man , you 're one mangy old coyote , but you 've become a major thorn in their side , let mePosted by Kellie said . . . Hopefully Kilgore won 't " make him listen " like he did before ! Einar cannot afford to get any worse off . maybe if Einar would actually just listen ( and that means also act on ) to what Kilgore says verbally , no physical action will be required . Yay ! for the wedding ! Yes , Einar could probably do without another " talking " session with Bud Kilgore just now , if it can be avoided ! Though really , he would probably prefer that to the talk Kilgore 's likely to give him … colspt said . . . Einar should know by now that he can trust Kilgore . I hope he at least takes some food and water and whatever meds Kilgore has . I think Einar trusts him more than he does any living human other than Liz . But he still has to be cautious . Nancy1340 said . . . Thanks FOTHThanks for reading ! I 'm heading out again for the weekend , should be back Monday with a new chapter . Too late for the atlatl , knife in hand he came uncoiled and sprung in the direction from which he 'd been able to determine the breathing was coming , one man only , and he intended to take him , but the man was ready , dodged and whirled and caught Einar in the back of the head with a hard blow from a stout spruce branch , knocking him to the ground and quickly kicking the knife out of his reach . Blackness , it was welling up all around him , trying to take him , an ice cold finger tracing up the back of his neck and he fought it , flipped himself over and tried to engage once more a shadowy foe who danced to the side and was about to give him another solid knock with the branch but this time Einar caught it in both hands before contact could be made , forced it back at the man , several quick moves sending him off balance until he was on the ground , pinned beneath that stick with Einar doing his best to crush the air out of him , crush his throat but the man was strong , had Einar by both wrists and then he got a knee bent and up onto Einar 's ribs , was shoving , trying to free himself and it was all Einar could do to keep from crying out at the white - hot sear of pain that shot through his injured ribs at the pressure , crushing them , crushing out his breath but he knew he must not make a sound with the others still around somewhere , no way he could take both of them at once , so he remained silent , struggling , but he was losing ground . Fast . Strength just wasn 't there , body betraying him . And then the man spoke , voice barely more than a raspy whisper . " Hey kid , you were … sleeping on duty , here . Didn 't anyone ever tell you what happens when you sleep on duty ? Quicker man than myself would have had ya dead to rights , no doubt about it . " Einar released his grip on the stick , fell back away from his opponent , away from the crushing pressure that seemed to have been caving in his ribs and keeping him from breathing , air returning in a rush ; felt like he was inhaling fire , teeth gritted against the hurt . " Kilgore . " " MaPosted by Long hours the small team put in that day as they turned the approach to the creek into a minefield of cameras and sensors designed to surely entrap anyone daring to consider it a source of water or a spot to seek out game , and Einar wondered why so much focus was being placed on that particular area . Had they perhaps received a report of unusual activity centering on it , and if so , who had been advancing such activity ? Hunters ? Backpackers ? Bud Kilgore himself , perhaps , but Einar doubted that one , as the place really was too close for comfort to the area around the basin , and Kilgore would know that , surely wouldn 't choose it as a decoy location , a place to which to draw the attention of the search … unless they had already turned their eyes in the general direction , and he simply couldn 't get them any further away without arousing their suspicion as to his intent . In any event , they seemed thoroughly absorbed in their work along the approach to the creek , and he would be just fine so long as he didn 't try and approach it . Which was becoming increasingly difficult to avoid doing , his thirst growing through the day and no seep or spring presenting itself as he trailed the men , his only source of moisture being the bits of icy snow he was able to find and salvage from the shadowy sides of rocks and spruces , rare but greatly welcome when he did locate them . Down that low , the recently fallen snow had almost entirely gone , a benefit to a man having to spend much of the day lying flat on his stomach beneath one fallen log or another watching his would - be captors lace the forest with sensors , but not so beneficial when it came to quenching thirst . The thirst did not matter . He could drink another day . Or so he told himself . Keep your eyes on the target down there … targets … and your mind will follow . You could do this for days . Have done , at times . Sometimes it takes that long , and everything else has to come second to keeping them in view , waiting for the right moment … Which moment he knew probably would notPosted by Beginning 16 March 2011 I will be posting daily chapters of Mountain Refuge , the third book in the ongoing saga of Einar Asmundson , here on this blog for those who are unable to access them elsewhere . Please feel free to comment on the chapters here on the blog , if you wish . Thanks for reading ! - - FOTH ________________ For anyone who may be looking for Book One or Book Two of Einar 's story , they are available here for download : Mountain EvasionMontani Semper LiberiAnd here is this story ( Mountain Refuge ) up to the point where I started posting it on the blog : Mountain Refuge ( up to 16 March )
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None of these statements is true for all owl species , but it is very difficult to find out the details about each statement . That 's why our staff likes to go right to the source when we can 't find original literature . That means we use owls that have been found dead for various reasons so that we can learn more about owls first - hand . ( N . B . We have state and federal permits to allow us to pick up and use dead specimens . ) We knew from skulls in our collection that Northern Saw - whet Owls have one ear higher than the other . Their ears are so asymmetrical that the skull is actually asymmetrical . But our other skulls ( Barn Owl , Great Horned Owl , and Great Gray Owl ) didn 't show the same obvious asymmetry . Before we cut open our owl specimens we investigated the ears . How big were they ? Could we see that one ear was noticeably different than the other ear ? We saw extreme differences . The Eastern Screech - Owl 's ear is large compared to many bird ears , but not compared to other owls . The bluish thing visible inside the ear is actually the owl 's eyeball . Yes , the eyeball . Owls ' eyes are gigantic in relation to their skulls , with their brains being about the size of one of their eyes . This owl did not seem to have one ear higher than the other . Great Horned Owl ears are bigger than Eastern Screech - Owl ears in actual size , but probably not in proportion to the size of their heads . Again you can see the side of the eyeball in the ear opening . Their external ears appear to be placed at about the same level on the sides of their heads . Barred Owl ears take up a good part of the side of their face . Unlike the Great Horned Owl and Eastern Screech - Owl , the Barred Owl has a flap of skin that covers their ear opening . Great for blocking out sounds you don 't want to hear , and perhaps to aid in funneling sound into their ears . They use hearing more in their hunting than Great Horneds and Screech - Owls , and seemed to have some asymmetry in their ear openings . The Long - eared Owl ears were EXTREME compared to the other owls . The ear slit in the side of its head starts down near its jaw and goes almost to the top of its head , on both sides . There doesn 't seem to be much skin that holds their faces together ! The blue in the photo is the eyeball , and the rest shows the skull and how the ear opening inserts into the skull . The ear openings are CLEARLY different from each other , with one inserting lower into the skull and the other higher . The also have a long , thin flap of skin , edged with feathers , that can cover the entire opening . We also looked at oil glands , stomach contents , feather attachments , range of head movement possible , and more . Some of it is a bit gory , so we 'll spare you the images . But if you 're interested in this kind of thing , check to see when we plan to hold our next Owlology 401 class , where you get to see an owl dissection first hand in a small group setting . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . How Far Can an Owl Turn Its Head ? The In - Depth Answer . Written by Karla Bloem Sunday , 16 August 2015 10 : 34 Can an owl turn its head all the way around ? The answer can be yes or no , depending on the starting point of the head , so some clarification is required . If the starting point of the head is facing straight forward , then no , they cannot turn their heads all the way around . If YOU start out facing forward and turn your head as far to the side as your head will go , most people can turn their heads about 90 degrees . An owl , however , can start out facing forward , turn its bill over its shoulder , keep going until its bill is over its spine , then keep going until the bill reaches the other shoulder . . . a whopping 270 degrees from the front ! That being said , you will almost never see an owl turn its head more than 180 degrees from the front . They almost always stop when their bill is over their spine and rotate their head around to the other side to continue watching something if necessary . Now if your starting point for this whole head - turning discussion is with an owl 's head over its spine , it can easily turn its head back the way it came from to the front , then all the way to the spine in the other direction , making for a nice easy 360 , something they do regularly . So if your starting point is to the rear , then yes an owl can turn its head all the way around . Now to get the idea of the absolute extremes of which an owl is capable , if an owl starts with its head at the maxium twist of 270 degrees ( from the front ) , then goes back to the front and does a maximum rotation in the other direction , the full range of motion is a whopping 540 degrees ! ( Never mind that you 'll probably never see an owl do more than the 360 described in the previous paragrah . ) A human 's maximum range of rotation from side to side is more like a measly 180 degrees . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Owl Updates Written by Karla Bloem Saturday , 08 August 2015 11 : 59 I always say that you learn a lot about cars if you have one that doesn 't run very well . The same can be said about owl health : you learn a lot when they aren 't healthy . Rusty the Great Horned Owl is still slowly healing . After six weeks in a dog carrier , however , he had had enough . When I took him out so Hein could clean the carrier and put down a fresh astroturf mat , Rusty wriggled through my arms and out in the breeding pen . In a way it was a good thing so we could see how well HE could see . I was absolutely elated to see him fly up to a perch ! ! While his vision certainly isn 't perfect , he can fly from perch to perch , which is FANTASTIC ! He has more trouble seeing when it is very , very dark , and I have to catch him in a net to treat him now , but now he can be free and we can observe him on the live cameras again . We did close the door to the flight pen , however , so he and Iris are separated . This allows us to continue to give Rusty medicated food . A recent checkup showed the Rusty 's corneal ulcer had only healed a small amount in the past month . The medication on his food , however , hinders the healing of the ulcer so we are reducing that medication in hopes his ulcer will heal on its own . Otherwise he needs to be anesthesia and a minor surgery to help it heal . An ultrasound of his eye revealed the " gunk " in the lower portion of the back of his eye and a slight cataract in his lens . Keep heling , Rusty ! Uhu the Eurasian Eagle Owl is still undergoing treatment for her blepharitis . A culture revealed that it was being caused by a bacteria that causes pink eye in cattle , so theoretically a fly transmitted it from a cow to Uhu . ( How , we 're not sure , since are owls are in screened aviaries and only a random fly follows us humans in . ) At any rate , we have a specially compounded ointment to apply to her eye four times per day . Her eye is responding slowly but surely , and she will begin work when it is healed . Mitzy the fledgling Tawny Owl was an absolute puzzle . After 10 days of the top vets at the University of Minnesota Raptor Center working with her , they simply could not figure out why her kidneys or intestines were not working . After much discussion with many people , with very heavy hearts we made the decision to let her go . The gross necropsy did not give any good answers , other than we already knew her kidneys were grossly enlarged and she had no intestinal blockage . The microscopic necropsy is only partially completed and may or may not yield answers . Rest in peace , dear little Mitzy . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Emergency Medical Care for our Owls Written by Karla Bloem Monday , 06 July 2015 10 : 25 I was a basket case , nearly hysterical , in the wee hours of Sunday , July 5 . Mitzy , the 8 week - old Tawny Owl that we had just gotten a week before , was completely refusing to eat . She wouldn 't eat tibits , she wouldn 't eat chunks , it didn 't matter what kind of meat was offered , and she now reversed gears and upchucked anything we tried to force feed her . Even a liquid slurry of meat baby food and gatorade came squirting out of both ends . Her weight was dangerously low . She needed medical care immediately . As if that wasn 't bad enough , Uhu , the big female Eurasian Eagle Owl we acquired in late May , had started holding her right eye shut on Friday . Sometimes birds will have minor scratches on their eyes that will heal on their own in a few days . But this was obviously worsening , her eyelid was terribly swollen , and now she was just sitting on the ground , not going up to her perches . She ALSO needed medical care right away . This was all on top of Rusty , the male of our breeding pair that are streamed live 24 / 7 on our website , was five weeks into the recovery from his own eye injury sustained when he flew straight into a post from 30 feet away when I was cleaning the fligth pen . At first I thought he would be fine , since he showed no effects the first day and only very minor issues the next few days . But when he flew to the nest platform and refused to leave , and we could see blood filling his eye with the cameras , he needed to go in . In hindsight I should have brought Rusty in for medical care immediately , instead of waiting to verify that he was having serious issues . Because we waited so long the damage to his eye was severe . For a bird who only has one eye , this was a very , very , very grave issue . Rusty has been confined to a dog carrier in the breeding pen so we can put drops into his eye twice a day as well as give him medication in his food . We keep his carrier in the breeding pen so he and his mate Iris can still hoot together , which they do every day . I knew he was starting to see , and he was due for a checkup on Tuesday or Wednesday , but if we had to drive 2 . 5 hours to go to The Raptor Center for the other two , I was hoping that it would be OK to bring Rusty along too ( even if it was a Sunday . ) I need to mention here that I had only finished making Uhu 's travel box on Thursday , so it was only JUST ready , thank goodness . And fitting her carrier along with Rusty 's travel box and Mitzy 's pet carrier ( she likes to see out ) was absolutely all that my 2 - door Chevy Tracker could accomodate in addition to myself and Hein . It 's plainly obvious that the Owl Center needs a van ASAP so we can transport all of our birds to and from work and for trips like this . ( Please contact us if you or someone you know may be interested in donating a white or a black van with removable seats and air condinitioning that 's in very good condition ! ) At any rate , The Raptor Center was busy with patients , so we had to wait a bit before being seen . I was happy to see Dr . Galan was staffing today , as she was the doctor who had been working with Rusty already . Thankfully her assistant was working too , as normally she doesn 't have an assistant on Sundays . Mitzy , the most critical , was first . The poor girl had to be handled more like a wild raptor than a fledgling used to being around people and never being restrained . But it was necessary for the exam and X - rays . She was dehydrated , probably from not eating much at all , but otherwise her physical exam was good . Her X - rays showed slightly enlarged kidneys due to the dehydration , and her intestines were just a big white blob . . . difficult to tell if she might have a partial obstruction that would cause her to throw everything up . Barium X - rays might be necessary to figure out what 's going on . They gave her subcutaneous fluids to hydrate her and oral antibiotics , anti - inflammatories , something to make her intestines move , and clear fluids . Thankfully that all stayed down and she did poop before we were done with the other owls . Currently all the top doctors at The Raptor Center are consulting to best help Mitzy . She will stay there , under their expert care , in a " private " cage ( for " owned " birds , separate from wild birds ) until she is eating properly . Uhu was up next . When Dr . Galan and her assistant came out of the room where they had extracted her from her box so they could properly restrain her , they said " She 's VISCIOUS ! " She 's also huge - - she makes Great Horned Owls look small . I was shocked to hear Uhu 's weight was only 2030g ( 4 . 5 lbs ) . Ruby even weighs a bit more than her ! But Ruby is in great physical condition and might be a bit on the chunky side . . . and Uhu has never been able to fly before , so her breast muscles are atrophied and they are a large part of her weight . Although she can fly in her 8 ' x 20 ' aviary , we need to find ways to help her build up her flying muscles . The rest of her physical exam was fine , other than her right eye . Her right eyelid was very swollen , and probably very painful ( blepharitis ) . She also had a small corneal ulcer . This would have resulted from some irritation to the eye , scratch or abraison . We don 't know what happened , since we do not yet have security cameras in the new aviaries . This brings to the forefront our need for cameras in those aviaries so we know what happens when we aren 't there , and so we could correct anything that may have caused Uhu to injure herself , if indeed it was a tiny problem with the aviary itself . Finally it was Rusty 's turn . I was hopeful for his eye since he had obviously begun to see some . He could track my hand when I reached in to put his food in his carrier at night , but I didn 't know how well he was seeing . His iris was its normal yellow color again , but some scar tissue at the bottom touched his pupil , so when it contracts his pupil is more oval instead of round . This isn 't a problem . Although his retina is still inflamed , the top portion is clear ( yea ! ! ! ! ! ! ) . The lower portion was not visible due to more gunk from his injury that just needs to be reabsorbed . This will take quite a bit of time . Dr . Galan was ready to give the OK to try putting him into a small avairy with a camera so we could observe him to see how well he could find perches and get around , but she found an ulcer on his cornea . We now need to switch from giving him eye drops twice a day to putting ointment in his eye three times a day . Yikes ! His one remaining eye is just so important to him that we can 't risk it . He 's due for a recheck on Thursday . The silver lining in all of this is that I am now forced to work with Uhu . Whenever I approached with a glove before she would hiss and lunge at it with lightening speed , so I was going too slowly . Now that I HAVE to handle her , I found out that the hiss and lunge was a big bluff , and that once on the glove she LOVES to have me walk around so she can look at things . So to treat her eye this morning , I got her onto the glove , walked outside , and just squirted the ointment into her eye as she stood on my fist . I think she 's going to be a really good education bird , and will start coming to work as soon as her eye is well , assuming she does well at work too . We have not received any medical bills yet for Rusty 's three visits , Alice , Uhu , and Mitzy 's visits , or for their medications , but it will certainly be well over $ 1 , 000 . We anticipate costs to install security cameras in the new aviaries that integrate with our current system that monitors the breeding and release training pens will cost around $ 3 , 000 - $ 4 , 000 . An awesome full wrap - job on a white or a black van will run around $ 4 , 000 , and we 'll have a fantastic " Owlmobile " ! Thanks for your support ! Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Plans for 2015 Written by Karla Bloem Friday , 19 December 2014 15 : 38 Two nights ago I formally announced the plans for 2015 . It is a big change with a lot of thought that went into the decision , so this chat dialogue explains it all . For many reasons listed below we will not be raising owlets in 2015 , but will still collect data . The goal is to focus efforts on opening the International Owl Center to the public and starting to publish some research findings . Karlaowl : I 'm pretty sure I heard a Saw - whet Owl tooting when I was feeding the kids tonight . Let 's go backwards a bit . This whole project started because of Alice the Great Horned Owl , my co - worker with whom I do educational programs . She was injured when she fell out of her nest at 3 weeks of age and will always be unable to fly . She works with me doing educational programs , but because she was injured so young , she imprinted on humans . She thinks she 's one of us , although she still has all the normal owl instincts and she expects me to act like a male Great Horned Owl . No one has written a book on how to be a male GHO , so I was kind of clueless . Alice obviously got frustrated with me sometimes when I didn 't respond properly to her behaviors and vocalizations . I figured I 'd go to the scientific literature and look up GHO vocalizations . I was extremely surprised to find out that no one had ever studied GHO vocalizations . David Johnson , Director of the Global Owl Project , encouraged me to begin that study . I was in a unique position with Alice , and of course the wild owls came around the yard too because they could hear Alice . That study started in the fall of 2004 . I recorded Alice 's vocalizations and noted the behavioral context of each . I also recorded the wild owls . I couldn 't see what on earth the wild owls were doing , and I rarely knew the behavioral context . I only could record the sounds they made , and they made some weird sounds ! I realized I could identify each owl by their territorial hoot , because each was slightly different . When you 've heard literally millions of hoots from one bird , it 's really easy to hear what 's different about another owl 's hoot . I was working days at the Nature Center . I knew I needed to do recordings at nests , but out here in the country the owls wouldn 't let me get anywhere near a nest before they 'd fly away . There was a nest in Rochester , MN on a golf course where the owls were totally habituated to people , so I spent a few nights in a sleeping bag on a posh golf course , recording owls when they woke me up . It was COLD . I got what I could , but realized I wouldn 't be able to record the quiet sounds of the babies without a mike in the nest . I simply couldn 't record the courtship stuff since that didn 't necessarily happen at the nest and GHOs often only use a nest one or two years because they fall apart after that time . You never know where they will nest . It 's not like I could put up a nest box with a cam and mike in it and go from there . We knew that owlets do not have adult sounding hoots when they leave the nest . So for all of these reasons , I realized I would have to breed GHOs in captivity to find out these things . It took much discussion with the MN DNR and US Fish & Wildlife Service , but they granted those permits to me in 2007 . For multiple reasons , my aviaries didn 't get built until 2010 , which is when Rusty and Iris moved in . Scarlett Owl Hara showed up that first winter and harassed them like crazy , apparently wanting Rusty for her mate ( and wanting to kill Alice ) No breeding in 2011 , but 2012 we got eggs that didn 't hatch . Karlaowl : 2013 gave us the 3 P 's , Pandora , Patrick , and Patience . They were reared as wild birds by their parents with minimal human contact . They were trained on live rats and released to the wild from the flight pen in November 2013 . They were each wearing a transmitter on their tail so we could track them ( thanks to Bob Anderson and Amy Ries for getting them put on ! ) We lost Pandora 's signal after 5 days . Patrick 's stopped moving on the bluff behind our house after a month and we found his transmitter , still attached to his tail feathers which weren 't attached to him , on the ground . He either bit his tail feathers to lose the transmitter or the attachment created a weak point that caused the feathers to break . Patience we tracked until she naturally molted her tail feathers in May 2014 . The 3 P 's taught us that owlets can do " proper " hoots , albeit in their tiny little voices , at just over 2 weeks of age . Then they went through the teenage " voice changing " phase and sounded like a rubber duck trying to imitate and owl at 5 months of age . Around 7 months of age they sounded like adults . But would owlets reared by humans have the same vocal development ? Enter Ruby and Rupert in March 2014 . We took them away from Rusty and Iris when they were 2 weeks old . We felt yucky for doing it , but Ruby and Rupert were happy little owlets and readily adapted to being with people . Being raised by humans would mean that they would not be able to be released to the wild . I was rearing them to be education birds , which meant they should get lots of human attention . So they came to live in the house with us . I very quickly realized that raising owlets for a vocal study and raising owlets as educational birds have two different sets of needs . For the vocal study I needed them on live cams , with audio , 24 / 7 so people could help with observations and every part of their development could be recorded . But having owlets in the house with lots of human contact and having live streaming video / audio at the same time , well , that didn 't workPeggyrausch : did they respond to recordings ? Karlaowl : Without certain stimuli , they wouldn 't vocalize . They did , Peggy , respond to some of the recordings . Playing Iris ' feeding calls REALLY got them excited to eat when they were little . But with Ruby and Rupert as education birds , we 'll be able to look at their vocalizations for their whole lifetimes . One question is if their territorial hoots will sound the same their whole lives . We have them recorded starting around 2 weeks . Initially I thought I would keep Rupert and place Ruby elsewhere once they got their adult hoots . Now however , I think it 's best to keep them both , so I can look at one male and one female over their lifetimes . Karlaowl : Plus they love / hate each other just like siblings . So right now I 'm in the process of moving them onto my education permits . They 'll take over the GHO education part of the program when Alice goes on maternity leave , which starts in January . Alice , Ruby , and Rupert can share the workload throughout the year . Karlaowl : Ruby and Rupert will move into the new aviaries when they are complete . I will get new security cameras for the new aviaries , but I 'm not sure how the new cams will mesh with our existing cams and streaming . I hope to still be able to stream them , at least sometimes . So this fall I have had to start planning for the 2015 season . Karlaowl : I was working on a new research proposal , reviewing the literature , etc . Timber 's cam is a " cab cam " , so not really streamable without some major work . Plus the audio is terrible and the video gets lots of interference since it 's wireless . As I was working on the plans , figuring out what I needed to do next , I realized that I was REALLY feeling time pressure right now . It 's time to dive into Owl Festival planning , and I 'm working really , really hard to get the Owl Center open before the Owl Festival . Karlaowl : I also realized in the literature searches that there are several things that I could publish now and part of my permits is that I need to publish in peer - reviewed journals . In the world of science , if it isn 't published , it didn 't happen . I kind of sat with all of these thoughts a few days until I finally came to a conclusion that felt right for me for this year . I decided that I need to take 2015 to get the Owl Center up and running as well as analyze data and submit some things for publication . I need to take this year off from raising owlets . I know many of you will be disappointed , but I realized that I have to watch out for my own health and well - being , and I was really , really pushing it as it is . karlaowl : I will let Rusty and Iris do their thing as usual . I will let them lay eggs , but once the clutch is complete I 'll remove the eggs and replace them with fake eggs . JudyRameior : Oh , kinda Alice - ish ? Karlaowl : So we 'll be able to see how long Iris will sit before she abandons ( which isn 't fun , but it 's important data ) . Yes , Judy , except Alice gets to sit on her own ( infertile ) eggs . So in the literature searches I found there are some research priorities that are REALLY simple to get data on here online . Believe it or not , some of the research priorities , from 16 years ago as well as the updated Birds of North America account this year are : The length of time the female is off the eggs ; The time of day of egg laying ; If eggshells are removed , eaten , or trampled ; Hatching intervals between owlets . All of you can easily help gather that data , and it won 't take my time to review your notes . Also , rose and jonnetje are taking fantastic notes every night , throughout the whole night , on behaviors and vocalizations . After they finish up doing this for a year ( which I think will be this spring ? ) , then we can analyze their data to look at hooting behavior throughout the year . This was another research priority , and has big implications for all the citizen science owl surveys that use passive listening . They need to know when to have their volunteers do surveys to get the best results . What time of year do they hoot most ? What weather conditions are best ? Etc . Since rose and jonnetje have put so much time into this ( essentially a full - time job ) , I will list them as co - authors on that paper . Karlaowl : So back to some questions . I can 't really have a volunteer come in and do my part of the research since it requires really , really extensive experience in this project , and it has to be done in our house ( the video / audio analysis ) . I have reviewed my decision for 2015 with the permit authorities , and as a result do not have permission to raise owlets in 2015 . So we can 't incubate the eggs . Plus what would we do with them ? I mean what would we do with incubator - hatched owlets ? I don 't want to be in the business of raising lots of owlets only as education birds Karlaowl : Rusty and Iris are allowed to stay here this year . They are actually being put on my education permit . Normally education permits are only for birds used on the fist in programs or in display aviaries where people can see them . Rusty & Iris would NOT be OK with either , but the DNR determined there is educational value on our website that relates to streaming them online . Karlaowl : Paula , the permit stuff is really complicated for me because I 'm doing something that 's really " not normal " and requires a LOT of discussion of all the permit folks and supervisors . I would like to allow R & I to lay eggs , since that what their hormones are telling them to do . Plus we can still get data on time of day of egg laying , time off the nest , etc . Karlaowl : Tampa , I will have to do a new research proposal for 2016 and get permission . Actually what I want to do next is to have R & I rear some foster kids , unrelated to them , to see if they sound less like R & I than their own kids , looking for inheritance of hoot characteristics . Having foster owlets is not as easy as I would like it to be . To just get owlets from a rehabber I would technically need to be a master class rehabber , which takes 8 years of working with other species . That was part of my decision too : this is going to be complicated to figure out how to get unrelated owlets for them . Karlaowl : Marge would help , but we 're in different states with different laws . If she were in MN it would be much more doable . She could designate me as an out shelter and no problem . Just to go to WI with my owls ( which were hatch in WI , by the way ) , we have to get health certificates from a vet , a temporary wildlife exhibition permit from the WI DNR , and a circus , rodeo and menagerie permit from the WI Dept of Ag . Not kidding ! The laws are there for good reason . And it 's impossible to predict every situation that will arise . Karlaowl : I think Alice is mostly hooting for attention from me , but Rusty hears it and has to hoot back to advertise his territory . At least that 's my take on it . There are some rehabbers that swear by " companion birds " , that each bird should be house with another of the same species or another compatible one . Sometimes a bird does dramatically better in captivity if housed with a " pal " Karlaowl : Yes , Barnies will be on the docket at some point in time . Probably from a breeder , since my understanding is that unless they come into captivity very young they usually don 't adapt to captivity well . Great Grays would be tough , since they usually don 't adapt to captivity as an ed bird unless they come in very young . If you cam watchers read the Birds of North America account on Great Horned Owls , you will realize that you know more than what is in the published literature about the intricacies of breeding and vocalizations . Thank you all for being understanding about 2015 . I know this isn 't what you wanted to hear , but I needed to explain what went into the decision so it would be easier to accept . OK , so to summarize , this is the information you all can help to gather from this site AND FROM OTHER GHO SITES : Karlaowl : The observation form would be good , but I 'll need to modify it . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Ruby Makes Alarm Calls at 9 Weeks Written by Karla Bloem Sunday , 11 May 2014 13 : 27 Adult females have a reputation for making a " wac - wac " call when alarmed around the nest ( a type of double squawk that is also described as " barking . " ) We only observed it a precious few times last year in the owlets , and honestly , the first time I heard it I was certain it was something other than an owl . I had no idea an owlet could or would make this vocalization . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Ruby Hoots at Rhett Written by Karla Bloem Saturday , 10 May 2014 07 : 21 Last night Victor , the wild bachelor male to the east of us , paid a visit . Later Rhett , the mated resident male paid a visit . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Owlets move to flight pen and begin training Written by Karla Bloem Monday , 28 April 2014 15 : 05 Hein and volunteer Ron constructed a wall in the flight pen and Hein and I installed new lower perches . Once ready we immediately moved the owlets in , as they were already starting to fly in their little 5 ' x 7 ' transition mews . They also need to get used to wearing equipment on their legs , although their legs may not be strong enough yet to be restrained by jesses . We simply put anklets on them to see how well they will tolerate them , and once they are strong enough we will start using jess straps , but it may be with a different jess setup . The anklets they are currently wearing are removable . The owlets have been much less vocal than last year 's owlets who grew up with their parents . It will be interesting to see if Ruby and Rupert vocalize more now that they can hear Rusty and Iris better , although they cannot see them . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Moving the Owlets Inside Written by Karla Bloem Sunday , 23 March 2014 18 : 40 Today it was time to band the owlets with closed bands to show they were raised in captivity . It was also the time to move them inside so they will be well socialized with humans so they will be comfortable in their future lives as educational ambassadors for their species . Removing the owlets from the aviaries went well . . . Iris didn 't try to attack . I do have to say they are WAY bigger than they look on cam ! Little chunks for sure . I put each of them into their own cloth bag and brought them inside . First we weighed them . The younger one was 1 . 0 lbs and the older 1 . 3 lbs . Whoa ! ! The next step was to put the bands on their legs . Um , yeah . The band seemed too small to go onto the foot of the older owl . DRAT ! But with a little finesse it went onto the foot of the younger owl . ( Later we tried the oldest owlet again . Hein gently but firmly tucked the front three toes through the band and eased it over the ankle , then gingerly tucked the hallux ( hind toe ) back through the band . Hallelujah ! ) A few hours later Rusty woke the owlets up with his hooting and they sat up . Seemed like a good time to try to feed them , so I cut up the back half of a rat . I used a long forceps to rub a piece of food up against their bills . The younger owlet happily accepted , but the older owlet just hissed a bit and gave me a dirty look . So I played a recording of Iris clucking and feeding the owlets , and that did the trick . Both ate , and they chittered back to the recording of Iris each time . Cool that I can test their reactions to recordings now ! Later when Rusty was hooting one of the owlets did a couple of " peep hoots " in response . I should be able to get some good recordings . This works well to have them hear their parents normally for natural acoustic stimulation ! Now we will learn to work with the technology and expose the owlets to all kinds of people and places so they are comfortable , well - adjusted education birds in the future . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . The Plan for 2014 Written by Karla Bloem Monday , 10 March 2014 09 : 53 I updated the website a while back and intended to do a live chat session specifically about the topic of the 2014 owlets , but time slipped away from me as I was working on the International Festival of Owls plans and I just plain needed some down time . The 2014 owlets will be raised different from how Pandora , Patrick , and Patience were reared last year . This year 's owlets will be hand - reared to compare their vocal development with wild parent - reared owlets ( the 3 P 's ) to see if it is the same or different . It will also allow me to test theories about the meaning of vocalizations by testing the owlets ' repsonse to recorded vocalizations . I will remove the owlets from the aviaries when they are 2 - 3 weeks old . They will be reared together in the house , coming to work with me at the Houston Nature Center during the daytime . I will be working on another more portable cam setup so they can be streamed live from home and work ( although we may not include audio at work , and will likely only stream them at home after we have gone to bed for privacy reasons . ) Once the owlets are starting to fly they will be moved back into the flight pen so they can be watched on the cams out there again . We will modify the flight pen to lower the ceiling and make their space smaller so that I am able to get them off perches to continue to bring them to work so they can begin their training for their eventual placement as education birds . I have chosen this rearing method because I believe it will produce the best possible education birds , meaning they will be very comfortable with their role in life , and they will be easy for handlers to work with . They should imprint on each other rather than humans , so they should be less likely to be aggressive with their handlers than human imprinted birds . They will be well socialized with humans so they are not stressed being in front of crowds . What we find out from these owlets this year will help determine the best course of action for future data collection in this breeding project and determine how future owlets are reared . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . More . . . First Hatch of 2014 ! First Egg Peeping and Ready to Hatch ! Whoooooo Is It ? Rusty Guards His Eggs Start Prev 1 2 Next End Page 1 of 2 Menu
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None of these statements is true for all owl species , but it is very difficult to find out the details about each statement . That 's why our staff likes to go right to the source when we can 't find original literature . That means we use owls that have been found dead for various reasons so that we can learn more about owls first - hand . ( N . B . We have state and federal permits to allow us to pick up and use dead specimens . ) We knew from skulls in our collection that Northern Saw - whet Owls have one ear higher than the other . Their ears are so asymmetrical that the skull is actually asymmetrical . But our other skulls ( Barn Owl , Great Horned Owl , and Great Gray Owl ) didn 't show the same obvious asymmetry . Before we cut open our owl specimens we investigated the ears . How big were they ? Could we see that one ear was noticeably different than the other ear ? We saw extreme differences . The Eastern Screech - Owl 's ear is large compared to many bird ears , but not compared to other owls . The bluish thing visible inside the ear is actually the owl 's eyeball . Yes , the eyeball . Owls ' eyes are gigantic in relation to their skulls , with their brains being about the size of one of their eyes . This owl did not seem to have one ear higher than the other . Great Horned Owl ears are bigger than Eastern Screech - Owl ears in actual size , but probably not in proportion to the size of their heads . Again you can see the side of the eyeball in the ear opening . Their external ears appear to be placed at about the same level on the sides of their heads . Barred Owl ears take up a good part of the side of their face . Unlike the Great Horned Owl and Eastern Screech - Owl , the Barred Owl has a flap of skin that covers their ear opening . Great for blocking out sounds you don 't want to hear , and perhaps to aid in funneling sound into their ears . They use hearing more in their hunting than Great Horneds and Screech - Owls , and seemed to have some asymmetry in their ear openings . The Long - eared Owl ears were EXTREME compared to the other owls . The ear slit in the side of its head starts down near its jaw and goes almost to the top of its head , on both sides . There doesn 't seem to be much skin that holds their faces together ! The blue in the photo is the eyeball , and the rest shows the skull and how the ear opening inserts into the skull . The ear openings are CLEARLY different from each other , with one inserting lower into the skull and the other higher . The also have a long , thin flap of skin , edged with feathers , that can cover the entire opening . We also looked at oil glands , stomach contents , feather attachments , range of head movement possible , and more . Some of it is a bit gory , so we 'll spare you the images . But if you 're interested in this kind of thing , check to see when we plan to hold our next Owlology 401 class , where you get to see an owl dissection first hand in a small group setting . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . How Far Can an Owl Turn Its Head ? The In - Depth Answer . Written by Karla Bloem Sunday , 16 August 2015 10 : 34 Can an owl turn its head all the way around ? The answer can be yes or no , depending on the starting point of the head , so some clarification is required . If the starting point of the head is facing straight forward , then no , they cannot turn their heads all the way around . If YOU start out facing forward and turn your head as far to the side as your head will go , most people can turn their heads about 90 degrees . An owl , however , can start out facing forward , turn its bill over its shoulder , keep going until its bill is over its spine , then keep going until the bill reaches the other shoulder . . . a whopping 270 degrees from the front ! That being said , you will almost never see an owl turn its head more than 180 degrees from the front . They almost always stop when their bill is over their spine and rotate their head around to the other side to continue watching something if necessary . Now if your starting point for this whole head - turning discussion is with an owl 's head over its spine , it can easily turn its head back the way it came from to the front , then all the way to the spine in the other direction , making for a nice easy 360 , something they do regularly . So if your starting point is to the rear , then yes an owl can turn its head all the way around . Now to get the idea of the absolute extremes of which an owl is capable , if an owl starts with its head at the maxium twist of 270 degrees ( from the front ) , then goes back to the front and does a maximum rotation in the other direction , the full range of motion is a whopping 540 degrees ! ( Never mind that you 'll probably never see an owl do more than the 360 described in the previous paragrah . ) A human 's maximum range of rotation from side to side is more like a measly 180 degrees . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Owl Updates Written by Karla Bloem Saturday , 08 August 2015 11 : 59 I always say that you learn a lot about cars if you have one that doesn 't run very well . The same can be said about owl health : you learn a lot when they aren 't healthy . Rusty the Great Horned Owl is still slowly healing . After six weeks in a dog carrier , however , he had had enough . When I took him out so Hein could clean the carrier and put down a fresh astroturf mat , Rusty wriggled through my arms and out in the breeding pen . In a way it was a good thing so we could see how well HE could see . I was absolutely elated to see him fly up to a perch ! ! While his vision certainly isn 't perfect , he can fly from perch to perch , which is FANTASTIC ! He has more trouble seeing when it is very , very dark , and I have to catch him in a net to treat him now , but now he can be free and we can observe him on the live cameras again . We did close the door to the flight pen , however , so he and Iris are separated . This allows us to continue to give Rusty medicated food . A recent checkup showed the Rusty 's corneal ulcer had only healed a small amount in the past month . The medication on his food , however , hinders the healing of the ulcer so we are reducing that medication in hopes his ulcer will heal on its own . Otherwise he needs to be anesthesia and a minor surgery to help it heal . An ultrasound of his eye revealed the " gunk " in the lower portion of the back of his eye and a slight cataract in his lens . Keep heling , Rusty ! Uhu the Eurasian Eagle Owl is still undergoing treatment for her blepharitis . A culture revealed that it was being caused by a bacteria that causes pink eye in cattle , so theoretically a fly transmitted it from a cow to Uhu . ( How , we 're not sure , since are owls are in screened aviaries and only a random fly follows us humans in . ) At any rate , we have a specially compounded ointment to apply to her eye four times per day . Her eye is responding slowly but surely , and she will begin work when it is healed . Mitzy the fledgling Tawny Owl was an absolute puzzle . After 10 days of the top vets at the University of Minnesota Raptor Center working with her , they simply could not figure out why her kidneys or intestines were not working . After much discussion with many people , with very heavy hearts we made the decision to let her go . The gross necropsy did not give any good answers , other than we already knew her kidneys were grossly enlarged and she had no intestinal blockage . The microscopic necropsy is only partially completed and may or may not yield answers . Rest in peace , dear little Mitzy . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Emergency Medical Care for our Owls Written by Karla Bloem Monday , 06 July 2015 10 : 25 I was a basket case , nearly hysterical , in the wee hours of Sunday , July 5 . Mitzy , the 8 week - old Tawny Owl that we had just gotten a week before , was completely refusing to eat . She wouldn 't eat tibits , she wouldn 't eat chunks , it didn 't matter what kind of meat was offered , and she now reversed gears and upchucked anything we tried to force feed her . Even a liquid slurry of meat baby food and gatorade came squirting out of both ends . Her weight was dangerously low . She needed medical care immediately . As if that wasn 't bad enough , Uhu , the big female Eurasian Eagle Owl we acquired in late May , had started holding her right eye shut on Friday . Sometimes birds will have minor scratches on their eyes that will heal on their own in a few days . But this was obviously worsening , her eyelid was terribly swollen , and now she was just sitting on the ground , not going up to her perches . She ALSO needed medical care right away . This was all on top of Rusty , the male of our breeding pair that are streamed live 24 / 7 on our website , was five weeks into the recovery from his own eye injury sustained when he flew straight into a post from 30 feet away when I was cleaning the fligth pen . At first I thought he would be fine , since he showed no effects the first day and only very minor issues the next few days . But when he flew to the nest platform and refused to leave , and we could see blood filling his eye with the cameras , he needed to go in . In hindsight I should have brought Rusty in for medical care immediately , instead of waiting to verify that he was having serious issues . Because we waited so long the damage to his eye was severe . For a bird who only has one eye , this was a very , very , very grave issue . Rusty has been confined to a dog carrier in the breeding pen so we can put drops into his eye twice a day as well as give him medication in his food . We keep his carrier in the breeding pen so he and his mate Iris can still hoot together , which they do every day . I knew he was starting to see , and he was due for a checkup on Tuesday or Wednesday , but if we had to drive 2 . 5 hours to go to The Raptor Center for the other two , I was hoping that it would be OK to bring Rusty along too ( even if it was a Sunday . ) I need to mention here that I had only finished making Uhu 's travel box on Thursday , so it was only JUST ready , thank goodness . And fitting her carrier along with Rusty 's travel box and Mitzy 's pet carrier ( she likes to see out ) was absolutely all that my 2 - door Chevy Tracker could accomodate in addition to myself and Hein . It 's plainly obvious that the Owl Center needs a van ASAP so we can transport all of our birds to and from work and for trips like this . ( Please contact us if you or someone you know may be interested in donating a white or a black van with removable seats and air condinitioning that 's in very good condition ! ) At any rate , The Raptor Center was busy with patients , so we had to wait a bit before being seen . I was happy to see Dr . Galan was staffing today , as she was the doctor who had been working with Rusty already . Thankfully her assistant was working too , as normally she doesn 't have an assistant on Sundays . Mitzy , the most critical , was first . The poor girl had to be handled more like a wild raptor than a fledgling used to being around people and never being restrained . But it was necessary for the exam and X - rays . She was dehydrated , probably from not eating much at all , but otherwise her physical exam was good . Her X - rays showed slightly enlarged kidneys due to the dehydration , and her intestines were just a big white blob . . . difficult to tell if she might have a partial obstruction that would cause her to throw everything up . Barium X - rays might be necessary to figure out what 's going on . They gave her subcutaneous fluids to hydrate her and oral antibiotics , anti - inflammatories , something to make her intestines move , and clear fluids . Thankfully that all stayed down and she did poop before we were done with the other owls . Currently all the top doctors at The Raptor Center are consulting to best help Mitzy . She will stay there , under their expert care , in a " private " cage ( for " owned " birds , separate from wild birds ) until she is eating properly . Uhu was up next . When Dr . Galan and her assistant came out of the room where they had extracted her from her box so they could properly restrain her , they said " She 's VISCIOUS ! " She 's also huge - - she makes Great Horned Owls look small . I was shocked to hear Uhu 's weight was only 2030g ( 4 . 5 lbs ) . Ruby even weighs a bit more than her ! But Ruby is in great physical condition and might be a bit on the chunky side . . . and Uhu has never been able to fly before , so her breast muscles are atrophied and they are a large part of her weight . Although she can fly in her 8 ' x 20 ' aviary , we need to find ways to help her build up her flying muscles . The rest of her physical exam was fine , other than her right eye . Her right eyelid was very swollen , and probably very painful ( blepharitis ) . She also had a small corneal ulcer . This would have resulted from some irritation to the eye , scratch or abraison . We don 't know what happened , since we do not yet have security cameras in the new aviaries . This brings to the forefront our need for cameras in those aviaries so we know what happens when we aren 't there , and so we could correct anything that may have caused Uhu to injure herself , if indeed it was a tiny problem with the aviary itself . Finally it was Rusty 's turn . I was hopeful for his eye since he had obviously begun to see some . He could track my hand when I reached in to put his food in his carrier at night , but I didn 't know how well he was seeing . His iris was its normal yellow color again , but some scar tissue at the bottom touched his pupil , so when it contracts his pupil is more oval instead of round . This isn 't a problem . Although his retina is still inflamed , the top portion is clear ( yea ! ! ! ! ! ! ) . The lower portion was not visible due to more gunk from his injury that just needs to be reabsorbed . This will take quite a bit of time . Dr . Galan was ready to give the OK to try putting him into a small avairy with a camera so we could observe him to see how well he could find perches and get around , but she found an ulcer on his cornea . We now need to switch from giving him eye drops twice a day to putting ointment in his eye three times a day . Yikes ! His one remaining eye is just so important to him that we can 't risk it . He 's due for a recheck on Thursday . The silver lining in all of this is that I am now forced to work with Uhu . Whenever I approached with a glove before she would hiss and lunge at it with lightening speed , so I was going too slowly . Now that I HAVE to handle her , I found out that the hiss and lunge was a big bluff , and that once on the glove she LOVES to have me walk around so she can look at things . So to treat her eye this morning , I got her onto the glove , walked outside , and just squirted the ointment into her eye as she stood on my fist . I think she 's going to be a really good education bird , and will start coming to work as soon as her eye is well , assuming she does well at work too . We have not received any medical bills yet for Rusty 's three visits , Alice , Uhu , and Mitzy 's visits , or for their medications , but it will certainly be well over $ 1 , 000 . We anticipate costs to install security cameras in the new aviaries that integrate with our current system that monitors the breeding and release training pens will cost around $ 3 , 000 - $ 4 , 000 . An awesome full wrap - job on a white or a black van will run around $ 4 , 000 , and we 'll have a fantastic " Owlmobile " ! Thanks for your support ! Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Plans for 2015 Written by Karla Bloem Friday , 19 December 2014 15 : 38 Two nights ago I formally announced the plans for 2015 . It is a big change with a lot of thought that went into the decision , so this chat dialogue explains it all . For many reasons listed below we will not be raising owlets in 2015 , but will still collect data . The goal is to focus efforts on opening the International Owl Center to the public and starting to publish some research findings . Karlaowl : I 'm pretty sure I heard a Saw - whet Owl tooting when I was feeding the kids tonight . Let 's go backwards a bit . This whole project started because of Alice the Great Horned Owl , my co - worker with whom I do educational programs . She was injured when she fell out of her nest at 3 weeks of age and will always be unable to fly . She works with me doing educational programs , but because she was injured so young , she imprinted on humans . She thinks she 's one of us , although she still has all the normal owl instincts and she expects me to act like a male Great Horned Owl . No one has written a book on how to be a male GHO , so I was kind of clueless . Alice obviously got frustrated with me sometimes when I didn 't respond properly to her behaviors and vocalizations . I figured I 'd go to the scientific literature and look up GHO vocalizations . I was extremely surprised to find out that no one had ever studied GHO vocalizations . David Johnson , Director of the Global Owl Project , encouraged me to begin that study . I was in a unique position with Alice , and of course the wild owls came around the yard too because they could hear Alice . That study started in the fall of 2004 . I recorded Alice 's vocalizations and noted the behavioral context of each . I also recorded the wild owls . I couldn 't see what on earth the wild owls were doing , and I rarely knew the behavioral context . I only could record the sounds they made , and they made some weird sounds ! I realized I could identify each owl by their territorial hoot , because each was slightly different . When you 've heard literally millions of hoots from one bird , it 's really easy to hear what 's different about another owl 's hoot . I was working days at the Nature Center . I knew I needed to do recordings at nests , but out here in the country the owls wouldn 't let me get anywhere near a nest before they 'd fly away . There was a nest in Rochester , MN on a golf course where the owls were totally habituated to people , so I spent a few nights in a sleeping bag on a posh golf course , recording owls when they woke me up . It was COLD . I got what I could , but realized I wouldn 't be able to record the quiet sounds of the babies without a mike in the nest . I simply couldn 't record the courtship stuff since that didn 't necessarily happen at the nest and GHOs often only use a nest one or two years because they fall apart after that time . You never know where they will nest . It 's not like I could put up a nest box with a cam and mike in it and go from there . We knew that owlets do not have adult sounding hoots when they leave the nest . So for all of these reasons , I realized I would have to breed GHOs in captivity to find out these things . It took much discussion with the MN DNR and US Fish & Wildlife Service , but they granted those permits to me in 2007 . For multiple reasons , my aviaries didn 't get built until 2010 , which is when Rusty and Iris moved in . Scarlett Owl Hara showed up that first winter and harassed them like crazy , apparently wanting Rusty for her mate ( and wanting to kill Alice ) No breeding in 2011 , but 2012 we got eggs that didn 't hatch . Karlaowl : 2013 gave us the 3 P 's , Pandora , Patrick , and Patience . They were reared as wild birds by their parents with minimal human contact . They were trained on live rats and released to the wild from the flight pen in November 2013 . They were each wearing a transmitter on their tail so we could track them ( thanks to Bob Anderson and Amy Ries for getting them put on ! ) We lost Pandora 's signal after 5 days . Patrick 's stopped moving on the bluff behind our house after a month and we found his transmitter , still attached to his tail feathers which weren 't attached to him , on the ground . He either bit his tail feathers to lose the transmitter or the attachment created a weak point that caused the feathers to break . Patience we tracked until she naturally molted her tail feathers in May 2014 . The 3 P 's taught us that owlets can do " proper " hoots , albeit in their tiny little voices , at just over 2 weeks of age . Then they went through the teenage " voice changing " phase and sounded like a rubber duck trying to imitate and owl at 5 months of age . Around 7 months of age they sounded like adults . But would owlets reared by humans have the same vocal development ? Enter Ruby and Rupert in March 2014 . We took them away from Rusty and Iris when they were 2 weeks old . We felt yucky for doing it , but Ruby and Rupert were happy little owlets and readily adapted to being with people . Being raised by humans would mean that they would not be able to be released to the wild . I was rearing them to be education birds , which meant they should get lots of human attention . So they came to live in the house with us . I very quickly realized that raising owlets for a vocal study and raising owlets as educational birds have two different sets of needs . For the vocal study I needed them on live cams , with audio , 24 / 7 so people could help with observations and every part of their development could be recorded . But having owlets in the house with lots of human contact and having live streaming video / audio at the same time , well , that didn 't workPeggyrausch : did they respond to recordings ? Karlaowl : Without certain stimuli , they wouldn 't vocalize . They did , Peggy , respond to some of the recordings . Playing Iris ' feeding calls REALLY got them excited to eat when they were little . But with Ruby and Rupert as education birds , we 'll be able to look at their vocalizations for their whole lifetimes . One question is if their territorial hoots will sound the same their whole lives . We have them recorded starting around 2 weeks . Initially I thought I would keep Rupert and place Ruby elsewhere once they got their adult hoots . Now however , I think it 's best to keep them both , so I can look at one male and one female over their lifetimes . Karlaowl : Plus they love / hate each other just like siblings . So right now I 'm in the process of moving them onto my education permits . They 'll take over the GHO education part of the program when Alice goes on maternity leave , which starts in January . Alice , Ruby , and Rupert can share the workload throughout the year . Karlaowl : Ruby and Rupert will move into the new aviaries when they are complete . I will get new security cameras for the new aviaries , but I 'm not sure how the new cams will mesh with our existing cams and streaming . I hope to still be able to stream them , at least sometimes . So this fall I have had to start planning for the 2015 season . Karlaowl : I was working on a new research proposal , reviewing the literature , etc . Timber 's cam is a " cab cam " , so not really streamable without some major work . Plus the audio is terrible and the video gets lots of interference since it 's wireless . As I was working on the plans , figuring out what I needed to do next , I realized that I was REALLY feeling time pressure right now . It 's time to dive into Owl Festival planning , and I 'm working really , really hard to get the Owl Center open before the Owl Festival . Karlaowl : I also realized in the literature searches that there are several things that I could publish now and part of my permits is that I need to publish in peer - reviewed journals . In the world of science , if it isn 't published , it didn 't happen . I kind of sat with all of these thoughts a few days until I finally came to a conclusion that felt right for me for this year . I decided that I need to take 2015 to get the Owl Center up and running as well as analyze data and submit some things for publication . I need to take this year off from raising owlets . I know many of you will be disappointed , but I realized that I have to watch out for my own health and well - being , and I was really , really pushing it as it is . karlaowl : I will let Rusty and Iris do their thing as usual . I will let them lay eggs , but once the clutch is complete I 'll remove the eggs and replace them with fake eggs . JudyRameior : Oh , kinda Alice - ish ? Karlaowl : So we 'll be able to see how long Iris will sit before she abandons ( which isn 't fun , but it 's important data ) . Yes , Judy , except Alice gets to sit on her own ( infertile ) eggs . So in the literature searches I found there are some research priorities that are REALLY simple to get data on here online . Believe it or not , some of the research priorities , from 16 years ago as well as the updated Birds of North America account this year are : The length of time the female is off the eggs ; The time of day of egg laying ; If eggshells are removed , eaten , or trampled ; Hatching intervals between owlets . All of you can easily help gather that data , and it won 't take my time to review your notes . Also , rose and jonnetje are taking fantastic notes every night , throughout the whole night , on behaviors and vocalizations . After they finish up doing this for a year ( which I think will be this spring ? ) , then we can analyze their data to look at hooting behavior throughout the year . This was another research priority , and has big implications for all the citizen science owl surveys that use passive listening . They need to know when to have their volunteers do surveys to get the best results . What time of year do they hoot most ? What weather conditions are best ? Etc . Since rose and jonnetje have put so much time into this ( essentially a full - time job ) , I will list them as co - authors on that paper . Karlaowl : So back to some questions . I can 't really have a volunteer come in and do my part of the research since it requires really , really extensive experience in this project , and it has to be done in our house ( the video / audio analysis ) . I have reviewed my decision for 2015 with the permit authorities , and as a result do not have permission to raise owlets in 2015 . So we can 't incubate the eggs . Plus what would we do with them ? I mean what would we do with incubator - hatched owlets ? I don 't want to be in the business of raising lots of owlets only as education birds Karlaowl : Rusty and Iris are allowed to stay here this year . They are actually being put on my education permit . Normally education permits are only for birds used on the fist in programs or in display aviaries where people can see them . Rusty & Iris would NOT be OK with either , but the DNR determined there is educational value on our website that relates to streaming them online . Karlaowl : Paula , the permit stuff is really complicated for me because I 'm doing something that 's really " not normal " and requires a LOT of discussion of all the permit folks and supervisors . I would like to allow R & I to lay eggs , since that what their hormones are telling them to do . Plus we can still get data on time of day of egg laying , time off the nest , etc . Karlaowl : Tampa , I will have to do a new research proposal for 2016 and get permission . Actually what I want to do next is to have R & I rear some foster kids , unrelated to them , to see if they sound less like R & I than their own kids , looking for inheritance of hoot characteristics . Having foster owlets is not as easy as I would like it to be . To just get owlets from a rehabber I would technically need to be a master class rehabber , which takes 8 years of working with other species . That was part of my decision too : this is going to be complicated to figure out how to get unrelated owlets for them . Karlaowl : Marge would help , but we 're in different states with different laws . If she were in MN it would be much more doable . She could designate me as an out shelter and no problem . Just to go to WI with my owls ( which were hatch in WI , by the way ) , we have to get health certificates from a vet , a temporary wildlife exhibition permit from the WI DNR , and a circus , rodeo and menagerie permit from the WI Dept of Ag . Not kidding ! The laws are there for good reason . And it 's impossible to predict every situation that will arise . Karlaowl : I think Alice is mostly hooting for attention from me , but Rusty hears it and has to hoot back to advertise his territory . At least that 's my take on it . There are some rehabbers that swear by " companion birds " , that each bird should be house with another of the same species or another compatible one . Sometimes a bird does dramatically better in captivity if housed with a " pal " Karlaowl : Yes , Barnies will be on the docket at some point in time . Probably from a breeder , since my understanding is that unless they come into captivity very young they usually don 't adapt to captivity well . Great Grays would be tough , since they usually don 't adapt to captivity as an ed bird unless they come in very young . If you cam watchers read the Birds of North America account on Great Horned Owls , you will realize that you know more than what is in the published literature about the intricacies of breeding and vocalizations . Thank you all for being understanding about 2015 . I know this isn 't what you wanted to hear , but I needed to explain what went into the decision so it would be easier to accept . OK , so to summarize , this is the information you all can help to gather from this site AND FROM OTHER GHO SITES : Karlaowl : The observation form would be good , but I 'll need to modify it . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Ruby Makes Alarm Calls at 9 Weeks Written by Karla Bloem Sunday , 11 May 2014 13 : 27 Adult females have a reputation for making a " wac - wac " call when alarmed around the nest ( a type of double squawk that is also described as " barking . " ) We only observed it a precious few times last year in the owlets , and honestly , the first time I heard it I was certain it was something other than an owl . I had no idea an owlet could or would make this vocalization . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Ruby Hoots at Rhett Written by Karla Bloem Saturday , 10 May 2014 07 : 21 Last night Victor , the wild bachelor male to the east of us , paid a visit . Later Rhett , the mated resident male paid a visit . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Owlets move to flight pen and begin training Written by Karla Bloem Monday , 28 April 2014 15 : 05 Hein and volunteer Ron constructed a wall in the flight pen and Hein and I installed new lower perches . Once ready we immediately moved the owlets in , as they were already starting to fly in their little 5 ' x 7 ' transition mews . They also need to get used to wearing equipment on their legs , although their legs may not be strong enough yet to be restrained by jesses . We simply put anklets on them to see how well they will tolerate them , and once they are strong enough we will start using jess straps , but it may be with a different jess setup . The anklets they are currently wearing are removable . The owlets have been much less vocal than last year 's owlets who grew up with their parents . It will be interesting to see if Ruby and Rupert vocalize more now that they can hear Rusty and Iris better , although they cannot see them . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Moving the Owlets Inside Written by Karla Bloem Sunday , 23 March 2014 18 : 40 Today it was time to band the owlets with closed bands to show they were raised in captivity . It was also the time to move them inside so they will be well socialized with humans so they will be comfortable in their future lives as educational ambassadors for their species . Removing the owlets from the aviaries went well . . . Iris didn 't try to attack . I do have to say they are WAY bigger than they look on cam ! Little chunks for sure . I put each of them into their own cloth bag and brought them inside . First we weighed them . The younger one was 1 . 0 lbs and the older 1 . 3 lbs . Whoa ! ! The next step was to put the bands on their legs . Um , yeah . The band seemed too small to go onto the foot of the older owl . DRAT ! But with a little finesse it went onto the foot of the younger owl . ( Later we tried the oldest owlet again . Hein gently but firmly tucked the front three toes through the band and eased it over the ankle , then gingerly tucked the hallux ( hind toe ) back through the band . Hallelujah ! ) A few hours later Rusty woke the owlets up with his hooting and they sat up . Seemed like a good time to try to feed them , so I cut up the back half of a rat . I used a long forceps to rub a piece of food up against their bills . The younger owlet happily accepted , but the older owlet just hissed a bit and gave me a dirty look . So I played a recording of Iris clucking and feeding the owlets , and that did the trick . Both ate , and they chittered back to the recording of Iris each time . Cool that I can test their reactions to recordings now ! Later when Rusty was hooting one of the owlets did a couple of " peep hoots " in response . I should be able to get some good recordings . This works well to have them hear their parents normally for natural acoustic stimulation ! Now we will learn to work with the technology and expose the owlets to all kinds of people and places so they are comfortable , well - adjusted education birds in the future . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . The Plan for 2014 Written by Karla Bloem Monday , 10 March 2014 09 : 53 I updated the website a while back and intended to do a live chat session specifically about the topic of the 2014 owlets , but time slipped away from me as I was working on the International Festival of Owls plans and I just plain needed some down time . The 2014 owlets will be raised different from how Pandora , Patrick , and Patience were reared last year . This year 's owlets will be hand - reared to compare their vocal development with wild parent - reared owlets ( the 3 P 's ) to see if it is the same or different . It will also allow me to test theories about the meaning of vocalizations by testing the owlets ' repsonse to recorded vocalizations . I will remove the owlets from the aviaries when they are 2 - 3 weeks old . They will be reared together in the house , coming to work with me at the Houston Nature Center during the daytime . I will be working on another more portable cam setup so they can be streamed live from home and work ( although we may not include audio at work , and will likely only stream them at home after we have gone to bed for privacy reasons . ) Once the owlets are starting to fly they will be moved back into the flight pen so they can be watched on the cams out there again . We will modify the flight pen to lower the ceiling and make their space smaller so that I am able to get them off perches to continue to bring them to work so they can begin their training for their eventual placement as education birds . I have chosen this rearing method because I believe it will produce the best possible education birds , meaning they will be very comfortable with their role in life , and they will be easy for handlers to work with . They should imprint on each other rather than humans , so they should be less likely to be aggressive with their handlers than human imprinted birds . They will be well socialized with humans so they are not stressed being in front of crowds . What we find out from these owlets this year will help determine the best course of action for future data collection in this breeding project and determine how future owlets are reared . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . More . . . First Hatch of 2014 ! First Egg Peeping and Ready to Hatch ! Whoooooo Is It ? Rusty Guards His Eggs Start Prev 1 2 Next End Page 1 of 2 Menu
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None of these statements is true for all owl species , but it is very difficult to find out the details about each statement . That 's why our staff likes to go right to the source when we can 't find original literature . That means we use owls that have been found dead for various reasons so that we can learn more about owls first - hand . ( N . B . We have state and federal permits to allow us to pick up and use dead specimens . ) We knew from skulls in our collection that Northern Saw - whet Owls have one ear higher than the other . Their ears are so asymmetrical that the skull is actually asymmetrical . But our other skulls ( Barn Owl , Great Horned Owl , and Great Gray Owl ) didn 't show the same obvious asymmetry . Before we cut open our owl specimens we investigated the ears . How big were they ? Could we see that one ear was noticeably different than the other ear ? We saw extreme differences . The Eastern Screech - Owl 's ear is large compared to many bird ears , but not compared to other owls . The bluish thing visible inside the ear is actually the owl 's eyeball . Yes , the eyeball . Owls ' eyes are gigantic in relation to their skulls , with their brains being about the size of one of their eyes . This owl did not seem to have one ear higher than the other . Great Horned Owl ears are bigger than Eastern Screech - Owl ears in actual size , but probably not in proportion to the size of their heads . Again you can see the side of the eyeball in the ear opening . Their external ears appear to be placed at about the same level on the sides of their heads . Barred Owl ears take up a good part of the side of their face . Unlike the Great Horned Owl and Eastern Screech - Owl , the Barred Owl has a flap of skin that covers their ear opening . Great for blocking out sounds you don 't want to hear , and perhaps to aid in funneling sound into their ears . They use hearing more in their hunting than Great Horneds and Screech - Owls , and seemed to have some asymmetry in their ear openings . The Long - eared Owl ears were EXTREME compared to the other owls . The ear slit in the side of its head starts down near its jaw and goes almost to the top of its head , on both sides . There doesn 't seem to be much skin that holds their faces together ! The blue in the photo is the eyeball , and the rest shows the skull and how the ear opening inserts into the skull . The ear openings are CLEARLY different from each other , with one inserting lower into the skull and the other higher . The also have a long , thin flap of skin , edged with feathers , that can cover the entire opening . We also looked at oil glands , stomach contents , feather attachments , range of head movement possible , and more . Some of it is a bit gory , so we 'll spare you the images . But if you 're interested in this kind of thing , check to see when we plan to hold our next Owlology 401 class , where you get to see an owl dissection first hand in a small group setting . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . How Far Can an Owl Turn Its Head ? The In - Depth Answer . Written by Karla Bloem Sunday , 16 August 2015 10 : 34 Can an owl turn its head all the way around ? The answer can be yes or no , depending on the starting point of the head , so some clarification is required . If the starting point of the head is facing straight forward , then no , they cannot turn their heads all the way around . If YOU start out facing forward and turn your head as far to the side as your head will go , most people can turn their heads about 90 degrees . An owl , however , can start out facing forward , turn its bill over its shoulder , keep going until its bill is over its spine , then keep going until the bill reaches the other shoulder . . . a whopping 270 degrees from the front ! That being said , you will almost never see an owl turn its head more than 180 degrees from the front . They almost always stop when their bill is over their spine and rotate their head around to the other side to continue watching something if necessary . Now if your starting point for this whole head - turning discussion is with an owl 's head over its spine , it can easily turn its head back the way it came from to the front , then all the way to the spine in the other direction , making for a nice easy 360 , something they do regularly . So if your starting point is to the rear , then yes an owl can turn its head all the way around . Now to get the idea of the absolute extremes of which an owl is capable , if an owl starts with its head at the maxium twist of 270 degrees ( from the front ) , then goes back to the front and does a maximum rotation in the other direction , the full range of motion is a whopping 540 degrees ! ( Never mind that you 'll probably never see an owl do more than the 360 described in the previous paragrah . ) A human 's maximum range of rotation from side to side is more like a measly 180 degrees . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Owl Updates Written by Karla Bloem Saturday , 08 August 2015 11 : 59 I always say that you learn a lot about cars if you have one that doesn 't run very well . The same can be said about owl health : you learn a lot when they aren 't healthy . Rusty the Great Horned Owl is still slowly healing . After six weeks in a dog carrier , however , he had had enough . When I took him out so Hein could clean the carrier and put down a fresh astroturf mat , Rusty wriggled through my arms and out in the breeding pen . In a way it was a good thing so we could see how well HE could see . I was absolutely elated to see him fly up to a perch ! ! While his vision certainly isn 't perfect , he can fly from perch to perch , which is FANTASTIC ! He has more trouble seeing when it is very , very dark , and I have to catch him in a net to treat him now , but now he can be free and we can observe him on the live cameras again . We did close the door to the flight pen , however , so he and Iris are separated . This allows us to continue to give Rusty medicated food . A recent checkup showed the Rusty 's corneal ulcer had only healed a small amount in the past month . The medication on his food , however , hinders the healing of the ulcer so we are reducing that medication in hopes his ulcer will heal on its own . Otherwise he needs to be anesthesia and a minor surgery to help it heal . An ultrasound of his eye revealed the " gunk " in the lower portion of the back of his eye and a slight cataract in his lens . Keep heling , Rusty ! Uhu the Eurasian Eagle Owl is still undergoing treatment for her blepharitis . A culture revealed that it was being caused by a bacteria that causes pink eye in cattle , so theoretically a fly transmitted it from a cow to Uhu . ( How , we 're not sure , since are owls are in screened aviaries and only a random fly follows us humans in . ) At any rate , we have a specially compounded ointment to apply to her eye four times per day . Her eye is responding slowly but surely , and she will begin work when it is healed . Mitzy the fledgling Tawny Owl was an absolute puzzle . After 10 days of the top vets at the University of Minnesota Raptor Center working with her , they simply could not figure out why her kidneys or intestines were not working . After much discussion with many people , with very heavy hearts we made the decision to let her go . The gross necropsy did not give any good answers , other than we already knew her kidneys were grossly enlarged and she had no intestinal blockage . The microscopic necropsy is only partially completed and may or may not yield answers . Rest in peace , dear little Mitzy . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Emergency Medical Care for our Owls Written by Karla Bloem Monday , 06 July 2015 10 : 25 I was a basket case , nearly hysterical , in the wee hours of Sunday , July 5 . Mitzy , the 8 week - old Tawny Owl that we had just gotten a week before , was completely refusing to eat . She wouldn 't eat tibits , she wouldn 't eat chunks , it didn 't matter what kind of meat was offered , and she now reversed gears and upchucked anything we tried to force feed her . Even a liquid slurry of meat baby food and gatorade came squirting out of both ends . Her weight was dangerously low . She needed medical care immediately . As if that wasn 't bad enough , Uhu , the big female Eurasian Eagle Owl we acquired in late May , had started holding her right eye shut on Friday . Sometimes birds will have minor scratches on their eyes that will heal on their own in a few days . But this was obviously worsening , her eyelid was terribly swollen , and now she was just sitting on the ground , not going up to her perches . She ALSO needed medical care right away . This was all on top of Rusty , the male of our breeding pair that are streamed live 24 / 7 on our website , was five weeks into the recovery from his own eye injury sustained when he flew straight into a post from 30 feet away when I was cleaning the fligth pen . At first I thought he would be fine , since he showed no effects the first day and only very minor issues the next few days . But when he flew to the nest platform and refused to leave , and we could see blood filling his eye with the cameras , he needed to go in . In hindsight I should have brought Rusty in for medical care immediately , instead of waiting to verify that he was having serious issues . Because we waited so long the damage to his eye was severe . For a bird who only has one eye , this was a very , very , very grave issue . Rusty has been confined to a dog carrier in the breeding pen so we can put drops into his eye twice a day as well as give him medication in his food . We keep his carrier in the breeding pen so he and his mate Iris can still hoot together , which they do every day . I knew he was starting to see , and he was due for a checkup on Tuesday or Wednesday , but if we had to drive 2 . 5 hours to go to The Raptor Center for the other two , I was hoping that it would be OK to bring Rusty along too ( even if it was a Sunday . ) I need to mention here that I had only finished making Uhu 's travel box on Thursday , so it was only JUST ready , thank goodness . And fitting her carrier along with Rusty 's travel box and Mitzy 's pet carrier ( she likes to see out ) was absolutely all that my 2 - door Chevy Tracker could accomodate in addition to myself and Hein . It 's plainly obvious that the Owl Center needs a van ASAP so we can transport all of our birds to and from work and for trips like this . ( Please contact us if you or someone you know may be interested in donating a white or a black van with removable seats and air condinitioning that 's in very good condition ! ) At any rate , The Raptor Center was busy with patients , so we had to wait a bit before being seen . I was happy to see Dr . Galan was staffing today , as she was the doctor who had been working with Rusty already . Thankfully her assistant was working too , as normally she doesn 't have an assistant on Sundays . Mitzy , the most critical , was first . The poor girl had to be handled more like a wild raptor than a fledgling used to being around people and never being restrained . But it was necessary for the exam and X - rays . She was dehydrated , probably from not eating much at all , but otherwise her physical exam was good . Her X - rays showed slightly enlarged kidneys due to the dehydration , and her intestines were just a big white blob . . . difficult to tell if she might have a partial obstruction that would cause her to throw everything up . Barium X - rays might be necessary to figure out what 's going on . They gave her subcutaneous fluids to hydrate her and oral antibiotics , anti - inflammatories , something to make her intestines move , and clear fluids . Thankfully that all stayed down and she did poop before we were done with the other owls . Currently all the top doctors at The Raptor Center are consulting to best help Mitzy . She will stay there , under their expert care , in a " private " cage ( for " owned " birds , separate from wild birds ) until she is eating properly . Uhu was up next . When Dr . Galan and her assistant came out of the room where they had extracted her from her box so they could properly restrain her , they said " She 's VISCIOUS ! " She 's also huge - - she makes Great Horned Owls look small . I was shocked to hear Uhu 's weight was only 2030g ( 4 . 5 lbs ) . Ruby even weighs a bit more than her ! But Ruby is in great physical condition and might be a bit on the chunky side . . . and Uhu has never been able to fly before , so her breast muscles are atrophied and they are a large part of her weight . Although she can fly in her 8 ' x 20 ' aviary , we need to find ways to help her build up her flying muscles . The rest of her physical exam was fine , other than her right eye . Her right eyelid was very swollen , and probably very painful ( blepharitis ) . She also had a small corneal ulcer . This would have resulted from some irritation to the eye , scratch or abraison . We don 't know what happened , since we do not yet have security cameras in the new aviaries . This brings to the forefront our need for cameras in those aviaries so we know what happens when we aren 't there , and so we could correct anything that may have caused Uhu to injure herself , if indeed it was a tiny problem with the aviary itself . Finally it was Rusty 's turn . I was hopeful for his eye since he had obviously begun to see some . He could track my hand when I reached in to put his food in his carrier at night , but I didn 't know how well he was seeing . His iris was its normal yellow color again , but some scar tissue at the bottom touched his pupil , so when it contracts his pupil is more oval instead of round . This isn 't a problem . Although his retina is still inflamed , the top portion is clear ( yea ! ! ! ! ! ! ) . The lower portion was not visible due to more gunk from his injury that just needs to be reabsorbed . This will take quite a bit of time . Dr . Galan was ready to give the OK to try putting him into a small avairy with a camera so we could observe him to see how well he could find perches and get around , but she found an ulcer on his cornea . We now need to switch from giving him eye drops twice a day to putting ointment in his eye three times a day . Yikes ! His one remaining eye is just so important to him that we can 't risk it . He 's due for a recheck on Thursday . The silver lining in all of this is that I am now forced to work with Uhu . Whenever I approached with a glove before she would hiss and lunge at it with lightening speed , so I was going too slowly . Now that I HAVE to handle her , I found out that the hiss and lunge was a big bluff , and that once on the glove she LOVES to have me walk around so she can look at things . So to treat her eye this morning , I got her onto the glove , walked outside , and just squirted the ointment into her eye as she stood on my fist . I think she 's going to be a really good education bird , and will start coming to work as soon as her eye is well , assuming she does well at work too . We have not received any medical bills yet for Rusty 's three visits , Alice , Uhu , and Mitzy 's visits , or for their medications , but it will certainly be well over $ 1 , 000 . We anticipate costs to install security cameras in the new aviaries that integrate with our current system that monitors the breeding and release training pens will cost around $ 3 , 000 - $ 4 , 000 . An awesome full wrap - job on a white or a black van will run around $ 4 , 000 , and we 'll have a fantastic " Owlmobile " ! Thanks for your support ! Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Plans for 2015 Written by Karla Bloem Friday , 19 December 2014 15 : 38 Two nights ago I formally announced the plans for 2015 . It is a big change with a lot of thought that went into the decision , so this chat dialogue explains it all . For many reasons listed below we will not be raising owlets in 2015 , but will still collect data . The goal is to focus efforts on opening the International Owl Center to the public and starting to publish some research findings . Karlaowl : I 'm pretty sure I heard a Saw - whet Owl tooting when I was feeding the kids tonight . Let 's go backwards a bit . This whole project started because of Alice the Great Horned Owl , my co - worker with whom I do educational programs . She was injured when she fell out of her nest at 3 weeks of age and will always be unable to fly . She works with me doing educational programs , but because she was injured so young , she imprinted on humans . She thinks she 's one of us , although she still has all the normal owl instincts and she expects me to act like a male Great Horned Owl . No one has written a book on how to be a male GHO , so I was kind of clueless . Alice obviously got frustrated with me sometimes when I didn 't respond properly to her behaviors and vocalizations . I figured I 'd go to the scientific literature and look up GHO vocalizations . I was extremely surprised to find out that no one had ever studied GHO vocalizations . David Johnson , Director of the Global Owl Project , encouraged me to begin that study . I was in a unique position with Alice , and of course the wild owls came around the yard too because they could hear Alice . That study started in the fall of 2004 . I recorded Alice 's vocalizations and noted the behavioral context of each . I also recorded the wild owls . I couldn 't see what on earth the wild owls were doing , and I rarely knew the behavioral context . I only could record the sounds they made , and they made some weird sounds ! I realized I could identify each owl by their territorial hoot , because each was slightly different . When you 've heard literally millions of hoots from one bird , it 's really easy to hear what 's different about another owl 's hoot . I was working days at the Nature Center . I knew I needed to do recordings at nests , but out here in the country the owls wouldn 't let me get anywhere near a nest before they 'd fly away . There was a nest in Rochester , MN on a golf course where the owls were totally habituated to people , so I spent a few nights in a sleeping bag on a posh golf course , recording owls when they woke me up . It was COLD . I got what I could , but realized I wouldn 't be able to record the quiet sounds of the babies without a mike in the nest . I simply couldn 't record the courtship stuff since that didn 't necessarily happen at the nest and GHOs often only use a nest one or two years because they fall apart after that time . You never know where they will nest . It 's not like I could put up a nest box with a cam and mike in it and go from there . We knew that owlets do not have adult sounding hoots when they leave the nest . So for all of these reasons , I realized I would have to breed GHOs in captivity to find out these things . It took much discussion with the MN DNR and US Fish & Wildlife Service , but they granted those permits to me in 2007 . For multiple reasons , my aviaries didn 't get built until 2010 , which is when Rusty and Iris moved in . Scarlett Owl Hara showed up that first winter and harassed them like crazy , apparently wanting Rusty for her mate ( and wanting to kill Alice ) No breeding in 2011 , but 2012 we got eggs that didn 't hatch . Karlaowl : 2013 gave us the 3 P 's , Pandora , Patrick , and Patience . They were reared as wild birds by their parents with minimal human contact . They were trained on live rats and released to the wild from the flight pen in November 2013 . They were each wearing a transmitter on their tail so we could track them ( thanks to Bob Anderson and Amy Ries for getting them put on ! ) We lost Pandora 's signal after 5 days . Patrick 's stopped moving on the bluff behind our house after a month and we found his transmitter , still attached to his tail feathers which weren 't attached to him , on the ground . He either bit his tail feathers to lose the transmitter or the attachment created a weak point that caused the feathers to break . Patience we tracked until she naturally molted her tail feathers in May 2014 . The 3 P 's taught us that owlets can do " proper " hoots , albeit in their tiny little voices , at just over 2 weeks of age . Then they went through the teenage " voice changing " phase and sounded like a rubber duck trying to imitate and owl at 5 months of age . Around 7 months of age they sounded like adults . But would owlets reared by humans have the same vocal development ? Enter Ruby and Rupert in March 2014 . We took them away from Rusty and Iris when they were 2 weeks old . We felt yucky for doing it , but Ruby and Rupert were happy little owlets and readily adapted to being with people . Being raised by humans would mean that they would not be able to be released to the wild . I was rearing them to be education birds , which meant they should get lots of human attention . So they came to live in the house with us . I very quickly realized that raising owlets for a vocal study and raising owlets as educational birds have two different sets of needs . For the vocal study I needed them on live cams , with audio , 24 / 7 so people could help with observations and every part of their development could be recorded . But having owlets in the house with lots of human contact and having live streaming video / audio at the same time , well , that didn 't workPeggyrausch : did they respond to recordings ? Karlaowl : Without certain stimuli , they wouldn 't vocalize . They did , Peggy , respond to some of the recordings . Playing Iris ' feeding calls REALLY got them excited to eat when they were little . But with Ruby and Rupert as education birds , we 'll be able to look at their vocalizations for their whole lifetimes . One question is if their territorial hoots will sound the same their whole lives . We have them recorded starting around 2 weeks . Initially I thought I would keep Rupert and place Ruby elsewhere once they got their adult hoots . Now however , I think it 's best to keep them both , so I can look at one male and one female over their lifetimes . Karlaowl : Plus they love / hate each other just like siblings . So right now I 'm in the process of moving them onto my education permits . They 'll take over the GHO education part of the program when Alice goes on maternity leave , which starts in January . Alice , Ruby , and Rupert can share the workload throughout the year . Karlaowl : Ruby and Rupert will move into the new aviaries when they are complete . I will get new security cameras for the new aviaries , but I 'm not sure how the new cams will mesh with our existing cams and streaming . I hope to still be able to stream them , at least sometimes . So this fall I have had to start planning for the 2015 season . Karlaowl : I was working on a new research proposal , reviewing the literature , etc . Timber 's cam is a " cab cam " , so not really streamable without some major work . Plus the audio is terrible and the video gets lots of interference since it 's wireless . As I was working on the plans , figuring out what I needed to do next , I realized that I was REALLY feeling time pressure right now . It 's time to dive into Owl Festival planning , and I 'm working really , really hard to get the Owl Center open before the Owl Festival . Karlaowl : I also realized in the literature searches that there are several things that I could publish now and part of my permits is that I need to publish in peer - reviewed journals . In the world of science , if it isn 't published , it didn 't happen . I kind of sat with all of these thoughts a few days until I finally came to a conclusion that felt right for me for this year . I decided that I need to take 2015 to get the Owl Center up and running as well as analyze data and submit some things for publication . I need to take this year off from raising owlets . I know many of you will be disappointed , but I realized that I have to watch out for my own health and well - being , and I was really , really pushing it as it is . karlaowl : I will let Rusty and Iris do their thing as usual . I will let them lay eggs , but once the clutch is complete I 'll remove the eggs and replace them with fake eggs . JudyRameior : Oh , kinda Alice - ish ? Karlaowl : So we 'll be able to see how long Iris will sit before she abandons ( which isn 't fun , but it 's important data ) . Yes , Judy , except Alice gets to sit on her own ( infertile ) eggs . So in the literature searches I found there are some research priorities that are REALLY simple to get data on here online . Believe it or not , some of the research priorities , from 16 years ago as well as the updated Birds of North America account this year are : The length of time the female is off the eggs ; The time of day of egg laying ; If eggshells are removed , eaten , or trampled ; Hatching intervals between owlets . All of you can easily help gather that data , and it won 't take my time to review your notes . Also , rose and jonnetje are taking fantastic notes every night , throughout the whole night , on behaviors and vocalizations . After they finish up doing this for a year ( which I think will be this spring ? ) , then we can analyze their data to look at hooting behavior throughout the year . This was another research priority , and has big implications for all the citizen science owl surveys that use passive listening . They need to know when to have their volunteers do surveys to get the best results . What time of year do they hoot most ? What weather conditions are best ? Etc . Since rose and jonnetje have put so much time into this ( essentially a full - time job ) , I will list them as co - authors on that paper . Karlaowl : So back to some questions . I can 't really have a volunteer come in and do my part of the research since it requires really , really extensive experience in this project , and it has to be done in our house ( the video / audio analysis ) . I have reviewed my decision for 2015 with the permit authorities , and as a result do not have permission to raise owlets in 2015 . So we can 't incubate the eggs . Plus what would we do with them ? I mean what would we do with incubator - hatched owlets ? I don 't want to be in the business of raising lots of owlets only as education birds Karlaowl : Rusty and Iris are allowed to stay here this year . They are actually being put on my education permit . Normally education permits are only for birds used on the fist in programs or in display aviaries where people can see them . Rusty & Iris would NOT be OK with either , but the DNR determined there is educational value on our website that relates to streaming them online . Karlaowl : Paula , the permit stuff is really complicated for me because I 'm doing something that 's really " not normal " and requires a LOT of discussion of all the permit folks and supervisors . I would like to allow R & I to lay eggs , since that what their hormones are telling them to do . Plus we can still get data on time of day of egg laying , time off the nest , etc . Karlaowl : Tampa , I will have to do a new research proposal for 2016 and get permission . Actually what I want to do next is to have R & I rear some foster kids , unrelated to them , to see if they sound less like R & I than their own kids , looking for inheritance of hoot characteristics . Having foster owlets is not as easy as I would like it to be . To just get owlets from a rehabber I would technically need to be a master class rehabber , which takes 8 years of working with other species . That was part of my decision too : this is going to be complicated to figure out how to get unrelated owlets for them . Karlaowl : Marge would help , but we 're in different states with different laws . If she were in MN it would be much more doable . She could designate me as an out shelter and no problem . Just to go to WI with my owls ( which were hatch in WI , by the way ) , we have to get health certificates from a vet , a temporary wildlife exhibition permit from the WI DNR , and a circus , rodeo and menagerie permit from the WI Dept of Ag . Not kidding ! The laws are there for good reason . And it 's impossible to predict every situation that will arise . Karlaowl : I think Alice is mostly hooting for attention from me , but Rusty hears it and has to hoot back to advertise his territory . At least that 's my take on it . There are some rehabbers that swear by " companion birds " , that each bird should be house with another of the same species or another compatible one . Sometimes a bird does dramatically better in captivity if housed with a " pal " Karlaowl : Yes , Barnies will be on the docket at some point in time . Probably from a breeder , since my understanding is that unless they come into captivity very young they usually don 't adapt to captivity well . Great Grays would be tough , since they usually don 't adapt to captivity as an ed bird unless they come in very young . If you cam watchers read the Birds of North America account on Great Horned Owls , you will realize that you know more than what is in the published literature about the intricacies of breeding and vocalizations . Thank you all for being understanding about 2015 . I know this isn 't what you wanted to hear , but I needed to explain what went into the decision so it would be easier to accept . OK , so to summarize , this is the information you all can help to gather from this site AND FROM OTHER GHO SITES : Karlaowl : The observation form would be good , but I 'll need to modify it . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Ruby Makes Alarm Calls at 9 Weeks Written by Karla Bloem Sunday , 11 May 2014 13 : 27 Adult females have a reputation for making a " wac - wac " call when alarmed around the nest ( a type of double squawk that is also described as " barking . " ) We only observed it a precious few times last year in the owlets , and honestly , the first time I heard it I was certain it was something other than an owl . I had no idea an owlet could or would make this vocalization . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Ruby Hoots at Rhett Written by Karla Bloem Saturday , 10 May 2014 07 : 21 Last night Victor , the wild bachelor male to the east of us , paid a visit . Later Rhett , the mated resident male paid a visit . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Owlets move to flight pen and begin training Written by Karla Bloem Monday , 28 April 2014 15 : 05 Hein and volunteer Ron constructed a wall in the flight pen and Hein and I installed new lower perches . Once ready we immediately moved the owlets in , as they were already starting to fly in their little 5 ' x 7 ' transition mews . They also need to get used to wearing equipment on their legs , although their legs may not be strong enough yet to be restrained by jesses . We simply put anklets on them to see how well they will tolerate them , and once they are strong enough we will start using jess straps , but it may be with a different jess setup . The anklets they are currently wearing are removable . The owlets have been much less vocal than last year 's owlets who grew up with their parents . It will be interesting to see if Ruby and Rupert vocalize more now that they can hear Rusty and Iris better , although they cannot see them . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . Moving the Owlets Inside Written by Karla Bloem Sunday , 23 March 2014 18 : 40 Today it was time to band the owlets with closed bands to show they were raised in captivity . It was also the time to move them inside so they will be well socialized with humans so they will be comfortable in their future lives as educational ambassadors for their species . Removing the owlets from the aviaries went well . . . Iris didn 't try to attack . I do have to say they are WAY bigger than they look on cam ! Little chunks for sure . I put each of them into their own cloth bag and brought them inside . First we weighed them . The younger one was 1 . 0 lbs and the older 1 . 3 lbs . Whoa ! ! The next step was to put the bands on their legs . Um , yeah . The band seemed too small to go onto the foot of the older owl . DRAT ! But with a little finesse it went onto the foot of the younger owl . ( Later we tried the oldest owlet again . Hein gently but firmly tucked the front three toes through the band and eased it over the ankle , then gingerly tucked the hallux ( hind toe ) back through the band . Hallelujah ! ) A few hours later Rusty woke the owlets up with his hooting and they sat up . Seemed like a good time to try to feed them , so I cut up the back half of a rat . I used a long forceps to rub a piece of food up against their bills . The younger owlet happily accepted , but the older owlet just hissed a bit and gave me a dirty look . So I played a recording of Iris clucking and feeding the owlets , and that did the trick . Both ate , and they chittered back to the recording of Iris each time . Cool that I can test their reactions to recordings now ! Later when Rusty was hooting one of the owlets did a couple of " peep hoots " in response . I should be able to get some good recordings . This works well to have them hear their parents normally for natural acoustic stimulation ! Now we will learn to work with the technology and expose the owlets to all kinds of people and places so they are comfortable , well - adjusted education birds in the future . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . The Plan for 2014 Written by Karla Bloem Monday , 10 March 2014 09 : 53 I updated the website a while back and intended to do a live chat session specifically about the topic of the 2014 owlets , but time slipped away from me as I was working on the International Festival of Owls plans and I just plain needed some down time . The 2014 owlets will be raised different from how Pandora , Patrick , and Patience were reared last year . This year 's owlets will be hand - reared to compare their vocal development with wild parent - reared owlets ( the 3 P 's ) to see if it is the same or different . It will also allow me to test theories about the meaning of vocalizations by testing the owlets ' repsonse to recorded vocalizations . I will remove the owlets from the aviaries when they are 2 - 3 weeks old . They will be reared together in the house , coming to work with me at the Houston Nature Center during the daytime . I will be working on another more portable cam setup so they can be streamed live from home and work ( although we may not include audio at work , and will likely only stream them at home after we have gone to bed for privacy reasons . ) Once the owlets are starting to fly they will be moved back into the flight pen so they can be watched on the cams out there again . We will modify the flight pen to lower the ceiling and make their space smaller so that I am able to get them off perches to continue to bring them to work so they can begin their training for their eventual placement as education birds . I have chosen this rearing method because I believe it will produce the best possible education birds , meaning they will be very comfortable with their role in life , and they will be easy for handlers to work with . They should imprint on each other rather than humans , so they should be less likely to be aggressive with their handlers than human imprinted birds . They will be well socialized with humans so they are not stressed being in front of crowds . What we find out from these owlets this year will help determine the best course of action for future data collection in this breeding project and determine how future owlets are reared . Be the first to comment ! Read more . . . More . . . First Hatch of 2014 ! First Egg Peeping and Ready to Hatch ! Whoooooo Is It ? Rusty Guards His Eggs Start Prev 1 2 Next End Page 1 of 2 Menu
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" I wanted a perfect ending . Now I 've learned , the hard way , that some poems don 't rhyme , and some stories don 't have a clear beginning , middle , and end . Life is about not knowing , having to change , taking the moment and making the best of it , without knowing what 's going to happen next . " Ten years ago I responded to letters within a couple of weeks and kept my correspondents happy . Five years ago I faxed a response in a couple of days and they seemed content . Now they want email responses the same day and berate me for not using instant messaging or a mobile phone . " - Phillip Yancey , ' Prayer ' I used to be really good about letter writing . When I was in AmeriCorps * five years ago that was how I mostly kept in touch with people . I had an e - mail account but I was adamant about handwritten letters . I remember having an argument with a fellow Corps member about the importance of handwritten letters . My ' conclusive evidence ' involved bringing down a shoebox full of correspondence from loved ones at home . I have letters from most phases of my life and it 's a happy thing . The last couple of years though , that habit has really dwindled and sputtered . I 've been staring at this screen for too long today . I come to it as if it 's a Magic Eight Ball or something . As if I stare long enough it will unlock the key to what my future holds . While I concede that it is a helpful tool , it doesn 't work the way this behavior would make it seem . Yesterday I visited a church nearby . I truly miss my church in Indiana . Rachel Hendricks handed me a bulletin and when I looked at the sermon title it brought a smile to my face . ' Wet Feet Faith ' . For anyone unaware , my nickname is ' Feet ' so the double sight of my name felt like a ' pay attention . I love you ' from my heavenly Father . The sermon was about stepping out in faith to do the seemingly impossible that we 're called to . For myself I wonder lately if that 's an intensive Acting school . One of the things that stuck out to me most was how stepping out in faith towards God 's call is stepping and doesn 't mean you are going to get there tomorrow . Actually I guess there isn 't really a ' there ' anyway . It 's a journey and the call isn 't the end . That to say , when I wonder if God is calling me to formal training as an actress I often feel like it has to happen TOMORROW and I get discouraPosted by I woke up this morning ( tues ) to see the stars . Did you ? Last night I discovered that there was going to be a meteor shower so I set my alarm for 2 am to catch some of it . I was very tired though and my alarm didn 't wake me up , a dream did . It was very cold and I was glad for the down comfortor that Nancy laid on my bed yesterday . I bundled up in stockings and things and wrapped the down around me . The night sky here , meteors or no , is incredible . There is little light pollution so the celestial visibility is quite clear . I saw a few . One , round and luminous , took its time on its journey . Others were quick and small , causing you to be surprised you 'd even seen it . It really is like a dance up there . ~ ~ ~ The heavens declare the glory of God ; the skies proclaim the work of His hands . Day after day they pour forth speech ; night after night the display knowledge . There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard . Their voice goes out into all the earth , their words to the ends of the world . Psalm 19 : 1 - 4 ~ ~ ~ Last night I watched the night sky with the Brandon 's . Whitlock and Holman or , as I call them , Binker and Nod . They came to see me and we remeinced about old times at Tiffany 's , Belhaven , Jackson . When I woke up this morning my voice was hoarse from all the talking and laughing . It was good to laugh and laugh through past stories and present ones . I miss being with those people nearly every day but I enjoy seeing the pattern each of our lives take , seeing how we cross the sky . And I enjoy the eclectic reunions we find , new memories being made with whoever is closest , which changes as we shift our geography . " It 's not weird . It 's . . . symmetrical . " - Pushing DaisiesToday was milder at Falster Farm than it has been . The sun a little dimmer and the air cooler . This surprised me at first until Nancy and I remembered that it is November after all . Despite this there are three fully bloomed yellow irises in the garden out front and Nancy just pickled the last pick of baby cucumbers . Life here has been full and busy thus the lack of updates . Karl is a retired United States Marine and this week we went to the Marines Birthday Ball . Nancy had a dress for me to wear and we all dressed up and had a good evening amidst the old Marines and their wives . I was even rescued by a young Marine . My table company dissipated homeward and dance floor bound , and he asked me to dance . Karl and Nancy danced more than any one and they looked fabulous . We also took a trip to Tyler and I went to the Rose Garden while Nancy and Karl ran an errand . It was simply lovely . I didn 't realize there were so many different kinds of roses and I felt quite like Alice wandering about Wonderland or Looking Glass World . That morning I received a text from my dear friend Scott whom I haven 't heard from in a long time . Busy school semesters . Unfortunately his text wasn 't actually text and I wasn 't sure I could open it . Scott and I used to take walks to smell the roses in Belhaven gardens . I missed him and those walks as I meandered among the roses in Scott 's home state . When I texted to tell him so he wrote back ' That 's what I sent you this morning ! ' He 'd sent a picture of a rose that very morning . I do love friendly serendipity . Serendipity and symmetry . The last time I visited Falster Farm two years ago I told Bonnie and Kaelen that I had decided it was my last semester at Belhaven . That night at Bonnie asked Karl to get champagne and she toasted to my immediate future and our friendship . Arriving at the Farm last week I told Nancy about seeking out my next steps , short and long term . She poured us glasses of homemade chocolate orange wine and toasted my Farm visitPosted by There 's sunshine here ! Smile . I feel good already from healthy eating and I 've been enjoying my time on the farm so far . Karl and Nancy are so kind to host me . Yesterday I met the cow that 's named after me ( I 'll get pics up sometime ) and helped move cows ( they ran past Nancy and I ! It was a little intimidating ) , and that was before church ! We had a potluck at church and then came back and I got to talk with Kaelen on the phone out in the garden . After a Sunday nap I went riding with Nancy which I very much enjoyed even though Razz figured out that since I wasn 't Karl he didn 't neccesarily have to go when and where I told him . It was a beautiful day . I 'm getting in some good quiet time and prayer in addition to helping Nancy with some projects . I 'll post some more later but thought I should at least give a little update . Thanks for reading ! " So have you finished school ? " I hate this question . " No , " ( deep breath to enable shortened spiel ) " I took theatre classes at Belhaven College but I wasn 't pursuing a degree . After that I did two internships and now . . . well I 'm trying to figure out what 's next . " " Ah . " they say with arched eyebrows . I 'm twenty four years old and crashing with my parents . I 'm tired of sponging and want to know what I 'm doing next . I 've really enjoyed the time with my family but I 'm ready to be able to answer the question " What are you doing right now ? " Of course I am an allegedly creative person so I could come up with some much more interesting answers than the regular ( and I do mean spouted often ) response . Of course when I was in Tennessee and told Mom 's family that I was pursuing acting and was currently ' in transition ' the room would get very quiet and then someone would change the subject . Plus I don 't wear make - up and I like to eat . I believe that I am an anomaly to them . I not only want to know what 's ' next ' but what it is I 'm working towards . It was encouraging this weekend to hear Cate Blanchett say that when she went to acting school she had a sort of vague idea of what she was wanted but wasn 't particularly working towards being a film star . And when asked why she and her husband decided to run a theatre in Australia she didn 't seem to know quite how that had come about either . By that I don 't mean she sounded like a ditz , not in the least . Cate Blanchett is most certainly not a ditz . She simply gave the impression that it wasn 't so much a determined goal as a natural progression . That 's hopeful for me . The last few days have been a little difficult for me . Internally I mean . Head and heart . I had the amazing privilege of going to DC and seeing Cate Blanchett both perform and speak . Usually when I see exquisite work , or hear someone in my hoped for field talk about their work , I get fired up and inspired about acting . The show was incredible but that expected feeling of wanting to jump on a stage asap wasn 't as strong as I tPosted by Today I took a walk on the C & O with Mom , Julie and Kaitlyn . My shoes were still wet from our five hour hike on the AT yesterday so I decided to take my ruby reds JIC and barefoot it like the old days . The days when the Gypsy 's reigned . : smile : Lukas asked me last night whatever happened to the Gypsy 's . ' We grew up I guess . ' I answered , but I wasn 't satisfied with that reply . Most of us are still Neverlanders so ' growing up ' doesn 't seem to say it right . I mean we moved from home , went to school , got married , had babies . " Not all of us . " I clarified , warding off his smart comments about being married . ' I was going to say . ' Lukas commented . I used to go barefoot everywhere and then I got suddenly germ conscious after learning at an Arbonne presentation that whatever hits your skin can be absorbed into your bloodstream . But lately I 've been re inspired to go it barefoot . According to Kaitlyn , who is one very smart cookie which makes her a knockout because she 's got the brains and the beauty , going barefoot is better for your whole body . There 's a whole barefoot society . If you go barefoot enough you build up callouses that protect your feet too . My friend MJ runs track and she actually started the inspiration to go shoeless again . ( I never thought I would have to be re inspired to do that ! ) According to MJ the fastest runners in the world are from . . . shoot , I don 't actually remember . I think Nigeria , though I 'm not certain . Wherever they 're from they run barefoot . So MJ does too . She trained that way and then asked her coach if she could compete barefoot . After her coach asked the judges there was a long debate but it turns out there are no actual rules against it and so MJ competes barefoot . You go girl . And so today my barefeet took me from Maryland to West Virginia along the Potomac river with my Mama and two good friends . The pebbles were a rough way to toughen them up again but random spots of mud , soft ground and leaves were a welcome relief . I 'm so grateful to be back at home for the fall . I grew up in a truly bePosted by I 've been thinking a lot the past couple of days about story in regard to living out your life . This has been inspired but Don Miller 's new book and by hearing him speak on the subject this week . I love story and so reading his ideas on applying the elements of story to how you live your life was very appealing to me . And finishing up the book this evening I 'm reminded of a story I got to be a part of five years ago . Tonight , in Boston , four of my team mates from AmeriCorps * NCCC are gathering together for our fifth year reunion . Don talks in his book about how conflict and memorable scenes are necessary to a great story . The AmeriPlayers most certainly had both . Our scenes took place all across the country , from Denver to DC , planting gardens , corralling children , deconstructing houses , moving 3 tons of rock 3 times ( that is not an exaggeration , trying not to go postal in cubicles doing inane work during hurricane season , performing in a variety of locations , swimming in our underwear , oh my goodness the list could go on . And we certainly had our conflict , without which I can attest to what Mr Miller says in his book , we would not have grown as close as we did , would not have had a great story . And now we talk about those conflicts at our reunions as if they 're unattached to us . I miss them today and I 'm sad I 'm not there . But I 'm grateful that we 've kept in touch , grateful for the times we 've had , glad that I got to see some of them last weekend . We met up in DC to see Mel 's ( our teamleader ) draft performance of her new play . Whenever we meet up again we slip into our rhythm right away , as though however much time hasn 't passed . We 've integrated new parts into our lives , of course , but Jeanna is Jeanna and asks Jeanna questions in a Jeanna way and so it goes with each of us . I love it . After the play and the party we went to Baltimore and stayed up until 5 in the morning talking about life now and life then and other peoples lives and life in between . I never stay up that late but I truly enjoyed it . I 'm glad to bePosted by Well the weekend in Charlottesville was wonderful and I had a lovely time visiting with my good friend Bonnie . The audition was a lot of fun and I think that it went well . I 'll know about what happens next by Thanksgiving . As for DC , I decided on Tuesday to go with the Realtor 's original decision and not move to the city . I 'm more than okay with this and I 'm looking forward to seeing what happens next . It does put me back in that category of not knowing what next steps are but as Jennifer Jackson so encouragingly put it , " God knows . " She 's the lady I knew at the house in DC and I am so grateful for her kindness and understanding . Thank you so much for your prayers and care . If you think of it please pray that the girls will find a roommate soon and also that new doors will open up for me . I do plan to still move from South Riding and hope to crash at home for a bit while pursuing new possibilities . ( I 've yet to ask my Mom about this so , uh , I hope that 's okay . * ;) ) This update is a little artless but I wanted to at least let people know what was going on . Thanks again ! * I did check with Mom before posting . ; ) Thanks Mom ! Hello All ~ In an effort to not push numerous notes and messages of updates on unsuspecting readers I 'm going to attempt to keep things up here so that whoever wishes to come see can and the rest won 't have an inundation of ' Faith news ' . It 's changing rapidly lately so the notes keep coming . Most of you know that I 've been in the process of preparing to move to DC mid - October . The ladies of the rowhouse invited me to take their soon to be married rommies place and I 've been quite excited about it . This morning I received an e - mail from the real estate office saying that my application could not go further because I didn 't have sufficient income . I 'm working as a waitress at a newly opened restaurant so we 're gaining business as we go and weekdays are slow . However due to the help of my Aunt Donna and Uncle Dave letting me stay with them ( they feed me too ! ) I haven 't had very many expenses and have been able to save . And the plan was to get a waitressing job at a high traffic ( seems they all are ) restaurant in DC once I moved . I 'm not ready to simply throw in the towel and intend to ask them if there 's anything else I can do . However if this is a closed door , I 'm willing to accept that too and God 's timing has been so good in this whole process ( who am I kidding , it always is . But this time it seems visible in the short term not just looking back ) that I know whatever happens is for a reason . He is so good and He always provides for me . So I could use prayers that the right doors will be open and others firmly shut . I think it 's time for a new step whether or not this is it . And prayers that whatever the outcome is the girls will find a room mate soon . It 's interesting that I found out today . Originally tomorrow was the move - in date but it was extended to mid - Oct which was good at the time and even better now . There have been blessings in the date change , one being that after it did I found out that I 've been invited to auditions at the American Shakespeare Center tomorrow . I get to visit dear friends from Jackson Posted by I didn 't have to go into work until 5 : 00 yesterday and it was lovely to have a full afternoon and still get to work a good shift . Before going in I thought " Lord , it would be nice to see a familiar face tonight , someone that I love . " So having thought this my joy was double when I look across the restaurant to see my pretty Aunt Jen . I caught her up in a hug and had to keep from crying I was so happy . With her were my Uncle Danny , their friend Donnie and ( talk about double joys ) my handsome darling twin cousins , Chuck and Jacob or Cephus and Wiggins as we like to call them . I hadn 't seen them since Easter and they have grown so much ! I 'm certain that I broke some codes of professional conduct and was definitly distracted but no one complained , including my boss who was out on the floor and saw me covering their big heads and beautiful faces in kisses . Such good babies ! I thought they were asleep in their double stroller when they came in but no , they were just calmly sitting and looking around . They didn 't cry or verbally fuss at all , and they were so happy . I 'm in love . It 's September and the nights are getting cooler . I love that . Last weekend I got to go visit my family . The Burrow on the mountain , by the river and in the woods was a welcome relief from Kamazotz , land of sameness . Don 't get your mental pictures skewed though , as I was trying to write a friend about the delights of sitting outside on a perfect cool morning my nerves were being shot everytime Sam came in slamming the door and clapping his hands . It isn 't meant to perfect down here . Being in a place where I can actually visit home is certainly nice . I 'm grateful to my aunt and uncle for allowing me to use their house as a launching pad for whatever comes next . ( Updates to come . I finally sent my headshot and resume to Blackfriar 's ! ) I like my job at Vintage 51 and I like the people that I work with . They are kind to me and I 'm able to get rides to and from work . The guys in the kitchen like that I 'm a ' West Virginia girl ' . Kitchen Steve learned this becuase the day I went back I was surprisingly emotional , I suppose about the transition from trees to suburbia in its scariest form . I didn 't know that the kitchen was full of guys from the mountains too and apparently he told them all I was a mountain girl . Cole started singing about the Shenandoah river and he and Steve talked about land they have up in the mountains . It 's kind of comforting in the middle of this polished Pleasantville to have these guys who understand what I miss . At the restaurant we serve a lot of local products . Our meat all comes from a farm in Purcellville where the animals are grass fed and pasture rotated . You can taste the difference and we make the best burger I 've ever had . Our cheese fondue rocks too and so do our french fries , potato salad , and spicy mussels . Not neccesarily in that order . You should come see me and eat some of our food . We have good beer too . And as of today a cappucino machine . And now my brain is blanking . For three days I 'd been off of sugar again and I also wasn 't watching tv . I could hear my thoughts again and my heaPosted by It 's three in the morning . I hate being up this late . It means the next few days , maybe even the week , feels off . But insomnia is a catching thing it seems , here at the Burrow and in Transistional phases I usually have much on the brain in the way of potential plans so it can be difficult to shut them off . Mom and I took Dev ( I used to have psuedonyms on here , what were they anyway ? ) to his new apartment on Tuesday . We didn 't expect to stay overnight but amidst a day of various adventures ( which he already wrote about and I 'll post because he covered it well . ) that 's what wound up happening and I was glad for it . As he arranged his room with his belongings he made a comment about it being nice to know where everything went after being in a transitional mindset for so many months . How nice it was to be settled . I said yes , that I wanted that too and he laughed at me . " No you don 't . " he said practically in a guffaw . And I know what he means , and he 's right . I don 't neccesarily want to be in one single place for the rest of my life yet . I like to travel about and see people and check out new places . ( However I am getting to a point where I 'd like to know where to anchor at least . That doesn 't mean I have to stay there consistently but it would be good to have a base . ) But what I meant was I would like to know where to hang my cranes . For my twenty first birthday I received one of my all time favorite gifts , a handmade mobile of paper cranes from my beautiful friend Erika . Everywhere I 've been since then they 've been wrapped up , carefully packed ( which is difficult I must say ) , untangled and hung by or above my bed . They 've been packed away in my luggage since the end of May . It 's nice to visit my family here at the Burrow , but it isn 't where I can hang my cranes . With Devan moved out the little boys get their own rooms now & I 'm excited to see them hang their cranes , as it were , making up their own corners of the world and arranging for their space as they please . And I look forward to seeing where my next corner is toFaith I wonder that it 's so hard to get yourself back into writing a post after long absences . It isn 't as though nothing has happened in my life . I think a good deal of it has to do with my own perfectionism . " Well if I can 't write out everything I 've done and learned this year in one eloquent go then why start at all ? " But that 's plain silly and if I wait til that happens well I 'll near have forgotten the bits of this year . So here comes a plunge if for no other reason than to get back in the water again . I 'm ' in transition ' again . I 've been in this place so many times and , as is the case now , it usually involves crashing at The Burrow ( home ) and mooching off of my gracious parents until the next door presents itself . Or gets found through frantic searching . I 've seen God 's provision so many times that perhaps this go round is less anxious but still there 's that concern that comes with uncertainty , the desire to control things , and the worry that I 'm missing something or not taking a right step . I 've learned a lot about worry though . In Bible study at MasterWorks we talked about how worry is one of the few socially acceptable sins . Once when I told a good friend that I hated how much I worry he said I didn 't hate it or I wouldn 't do it . He said I was addicted to it . I irked that he was probably right . Worry makes you feel like you 're doing something but really it doesn 't help anything and it indicates a lack of trust . At the same time in my life that my friend pointed this out my professor made a statement that also revoloutionized my thinking on this subject . It was the first time I saw that worry is indeed a sin and he said we 're commanded not to do it . We don 't have to worry . How lovely . How difficult . I 'm such a Martha . She gets caught up in being busy . When she complains to Jesus that her sister Mary isn 't helping her with all that needs done He tells her that only one thing is needed and that Mary has chosen it and it won 't be taken from her . Mary chose to be with Jesus . To sit at His feet and be present with Him . Posted by
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Not quite a year after we moved into the house we live in now , we discovered that our tree in our front yard has an identity problem , and ever since , we 've affectionately referred to it as our bisexual tree . I don 't know quite how it works , a landscaping guy tried to explain it to me , but this tree is two distinctly different kinds of tree at once , a mutant of sorts , I suppose . For all but maybe two weeks in April , you 'd never be able to tell , but for those two weeks , part of the tree blooms with wonderful little white flowers ( dogwood , I think ) , and the other part blooms not just a different color , but a completely different pink flower . Whatever the case , it 's a happy little tree ( thanks Deb ! ) just as it is . There must be something attractive about it , because the week the white flowers open , the front yard sounds like an airport with all the bumble bee traffic . Fortunately , they are too concerned with the flowers to worry about people . ( click to enlarge ) Here 's a shot of the Easter eggs my son made , I was just playing around with how close i could get to an object and have it still be in focus , but it 's still fun . And finally , I have to give Mrs . Dave mad props for the cake she made for my son 's birthday . Because she made not one , not two , but three of these things ! One for my son 's daycare class , one for his nursery school class and one for his birthday party . I don 't know how she has the patience for it , but bless her , she does . Each car was a little different , but this was the basic idea . Strangely enough the biggest problem she had was getting the number 4 right on both doors . On two cakes the passenger side door 4 was backwards . Small potatoes , though . And yes , it was a " Hot Wheels " themed party in case you were wondering . One thing has concerned me with the flame style though , and I 've seen it many more places than just in Hot Wheels stuff . When did flames start all looking like the Grinch 's hand as he 's about to pluck an ornament of some poor Who 's Christmas tree ? Look around , you 'll see what I mean . postMonday , April 24 , 2006 I went out to my car to get a CD I 'd left in it . On the curb was what looked like maybe a broken branch of a tree with a leaf on it or something . It was a little breezy and for whatever reason , I noticed that it wasn 't moving when the wind blew , at least not as much as you 'd expect . I looked a little closer to see why it was stuck , and then I realized that it wasn 't a leafy twig at all , it was a gorgeous butterfly . I 've never seen this kind of butterfly before , probably because it 's camouflage is so good . It 's wings were green and were attached to it 's body by reddish brown stems that looked very much like branches . I don 't know if it was just emerging from its cocoon or not , but the body was fuzzy and white with red legs , though I couldn 't really see anything that looked like a head from my angle . It 's wings had " tails " for lack of a better word , like a kite , in flight they would dangle down below the wing . But it was resting on the side of the curb , and the tails stuck straight out behind it . If I can figure out how to get the photos off of my phone , I 'll post what I can . That 's the reason for the " Again " part of this post . I didn 't have my digital camera with me today , so the phone was all I had . Complicating matters was the fact that it was sunny and I couldn 't see worth a damn what I was shooting with the phone . I feel like I 'm telling a parallel story to " I once caught a fish this big ! " When I got inside , I saw the pictures are Ok , but don 't really show what a beautiful creature this thing was . Dave I either forget to bring my camera with me or the cord to connect it to the dang computer . I look forward to this baby being born if for no other reason than Mrs . Dave will hopefully feel better soon after . She doesn 't seem able to eat much of anything that agrees with her , so she 's often in that semi - nauseous mode . Poor kid had a 24 - hour something - r - other . You could tell he didn 't feel 100 % , but we went to have dinner at Pizza Hut , and he was coloring his placemat , then said he didn 't feel good again , and wanted to put his head down . So he sat in my lap and within 5 minutes he fell asleep sitting up . I laid him down on the seat ( he had his hoodie sweatshirt still on ) and he slept all through dinner . We took him home and got him to bed and he slept for about 11 - 12 hours . He was downright springy Sunday , though . We continued to strip the wallpaper from our spare bedroom , which will become the nursery . Mrs . Dave is hooked on doing some kind of wood crown molding or something . It will be easier this time around because all the corners are square , but I don 't know if I 'm sold on the idea . We shall see . If it works with the rest of the room ( which will probably be orange and white ) I 'll go with it . Good thing is that we have a minivan this time around , so we won 't have to cut the boards short to fit them in the vehicle . Last time we only had an Acura Integra and the boards needed to be 10 ' long and we just couldn 't fit them , so we have these seams at the midpoints of three sides of my son 's room . You don 't really notice if you aren 't looking for it , but I know it 's there . But Mrs . Dave also wants to paint the top part of the wall with the letters and animals in the crib bumper . Should be interesting , if nothing else ! DaveDave If it wasn 't for everyone else doing it , I think I 'd get sick myself . This past weekend was one of the oddest , most disgusting periods of 48 hours I 've ever been through . I won 't go into too much detail here to protect the squeamish , but ick . It started off on Thursday . Our dog has a serious garbage problem . He will wait and wait and attack the trash can in our kitchen at every opportunity , as I have mentioned on this blog before . Well , Thursday was the big score for him . He got a huge chunk of my son 's birthday cake and who knows what else . Well , we expected him to be barfing quite a bit as a result , and he didn 't let us down . He has a very sensitive stomach , and whenever he eats a lot of something other than his regular food , he barfs . So , usually it works itself out within a day . But this time , it kept going through Friday night and into Saturday morning . We got worried that it was lasting so long . Because he was becoming rather lethargic . So we took him to the vet . They put an IV in him to rehydrate him and gave him some medicine to settle his stomach . He came back home with some new food , and he seemed to be in better spirits , though still not 100 % . When we got home , it was almost time for my son 's birthday party . So we put the dog 's cage upstairs an let him rest in peace and quiet up there . He was fine for a while , but still seemed somewhat out of it . The party was over and we let him back downstairs . We offered him some food , but he wasn 't interested . We gave him some pain medication the Vet gave us and went to bed . The next morning , all seemed well , though the dog was still not quite his usual energetic self . I offered him food again , and he didn 't want any . So I gave him another pain pill , and he relaxed in the corner of the kitchen as he often does . Then he was moving about a bit and he laid down where his food and water bowls usually are . This was unusual , but we didn 't think a lot of it because he was probably sleepy from the pill . We went into the living room and a few minutes later , we hear the dog ' posted by David Hollenbeck @ 3 : 22 PM 2 comments Well , only sorta . Our OB does ultrasounds in his office at almost every appointment . He has a machine that he says " is long since paid for " and doesn 't charge for it . He does it mainly to just make sure everything is going as it should and the baby is the right size compared to the due date , etc . Well , last appt . he took a look and asked my son what he thought it was going to be . My son wants a brother . So , the doctor moved the sensor around and such and though it was fuzzy , it 's looking like it 's a little boy ! The doctor said he couldn 't say with 100 % certainty , but based on his experience , that 's where he would put his money . I 'm just thrilled that it 's healthy and progressing normally . But I 'd be lying if I were to say I 'm not a little disappointed it 's not a girl . This is , in all likelihood , the last child I 'll father , and I just wanted it to be a girl so I had one of each . Another reason is because I 've always wanted a daughter named Cora . I 've just loved that name since I knew a girl in college named that . It wouldn 't be naming the baby after her , I just really liked the name a lot . So please don 't think I 'm not excited that it 's a boy , it 's fantastic ! I just realized that I 'll probably never have Cora , and that made me just a little sad . But don 't go buggin ' me for the boy 's name ! I 'm not tellin ' til he 's here . Dave As if what we knew wasn 't enough , more info is being revealed about my niece 's father ( just no way I 'm going to refer to him as any kind of brother , in - law or otherwise ) . My niece is now seeing a counselor to help her deal with what has happened to her . I 'm getting this information second hand , but it 's from a very reliable source . She is responding better than we ever expected . This doctor must really know what she 's doing . In just a few sessions she has manages to get my niece to reveal that in addition to the other crap her father did to her , she has also been locked up in a dark , cold crawlspace under the house ( it doesn 't have a basement as most people would think of it ) for periods of time and in addition to the cold water treatment mentioned a while ago , she was also given the same treatment with very hot water . That 's more than any of us have been able to get out of her . . . ever . The rage builds and builds for anyone who actually cares about this little girl . And the rage still burns in my niece . I saw a full - fledged - well - temper tantrum , but that hardly begins to describe what she does . You can never really be sure what might set her off , but when things don 't go her way , particularly after she has had a visitation with her father , she loses control . Unfortunately , the target of her rage is often the grandmother she lives with now . But my niece will try to hit , kick , scratch , bite , try to break her grandmother 's glasses and basically inflict as much damage as she can . I 'm no psychiatrist , but the difference between that and when she 's her normal self is the closest thing I 've seen to split personalities . Her screaming is piercing ( though not as bad as it was when she was a baby , that was unbelievable ) and these fits can last a long time . When we were there , she also took off her clothes and I didn 't see it , but she apparently also has taken to banging her head on furniture / walls etc . For the first time , I was actually scared of what she might do during one of these fits . My son goes to daycare , so when posted by David Hollenbeck @ 2 : 40 PM 0 comments
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Not quite a year after we moved into the house we live in now , we discovered that our tree in our front yard has an identity problem , and ever since , we 've affectionately referred to it as our bisexual tree . I don 't know quite how it works , a landscaping guy tried to explain it to me , but this tree is two distinctly different kinds of tree at once , a mutant of sorts , I suppose . For all but maybe two weeks in April , you 'd never be able to tell , but for those two weeks , part of the tree blooms with wonderful little white flowers ( dogwood , I think ) , and the other part blooms not just a different color , but a completely different pink flower . Whatever the case , it 's a happy little tree ( thanks Deb ! ) just as it is . There must be something attractive about it , because the week the white flowers open , the front yard sounds like an airport with all the bumble bee traffic . Fortunately , they are too concerned with the flowers to worry about people . ( click to enlarge ) Here 's a shot of the Easter eggs my son made , I was just playing around with how close i could get to an object and have it still be in focus , but it 's still fun . And finally , I have to give Mrs . Dave mad props for the cake she made for my son 's birthday . Because she made not one , not two , but three of these things ! One for my son 's daycare class , one for his nursery school class and one for his birthday party . I don 't know how she has the patience for it , but bless her , she does . Each car was a little different , but this was the basic idea . Strangely enough the biggest problem she had was getting the number 4 right on both doors . On two cakes the passenger side door 4 was backwards . Small potatoes , though . And yes , it was a " Hot Wheels " themed party in case you were wondering . One thing has concerned me with the flame style though , and I 've seen it many more places than just in Hot Wheels stuff . When did flames start all looking like the Grinch 's hand as he 's about to pluck an ornament of some poor Who 's Christmas tree ? Look around , you 'll see what I mean . postMonday , April 24 , 2006 I went out to my car to get a CD I 'd left in it . On the curb was what looked like maybe a broken branch of a tree with a leaf on it or something . It was a little breezy and for whatever reason , I noticed that it wasn 't moving when the wind blew , at least not as much as you 'd expect . I looked a little closer to see why it was stuck , and then I realized that it wasn 't a leafy twig at all , it was a gorgeous butterfly . I 've never seen this kind of butterfly before , probably because it 's camouflage is so good . It 's wings were green and were attached to it 's body by reddish brown stems that looked very much like branches . I don 't know if it was just emerging from its cocoon or not , but the body was fuzzy and white with red legs , though I couldn 't really see anything that looked like a head from my angle . It 's wings had " tails " for lack of a better word , like a kite , in flight they would dangle down below the wing . But it was resting on the side of the curb , and the tails stuck straight out behind it . If I can figure out how to get the photos off of my phone , I 'll post what I can . That 's the reason for the " Again " part of this post . I didn 't have my digital camera with me today , so the phone was all I had . Complicating matters was the fact that it was sunny and I couldn 't see worth a damn what I was shooting with the phone . I feel like I 'm telling a parallel story to " I once caught a fish this big ! " When I got inside , I saw the pictures are Ok , but don 't really show what a beautiful creature this thing was . Dave I either forget to bring my camera with me or the cord to connect it to the dang computer . I look forward to this baby being born if for no other reason than Mrs . Dave will hopefully feel better soon after . She doesn 't seem able to eat much of anything that agrees with her , so she 's often in that semi - nauseous mode . Poor kid had a 24 - hour something - r - other . You could tell he didn 't feel 100 % , but we went to have dinner at Pizza Hut , and he was coloring his placemat , then said he didn 't feel good again , and wanted to put his head down . So he sat in my lap and within 5 minutes he fell asleep sitting up . I laid him down on the seat ( he had his hoodie sweatshirt still on ) and he slept all through dinner . We took him home and got him to bed and he slept for about 11 - 12 hours . He was downright springy Sunday , though . We continued to strip the wallpaper from our spare bedroom , which will become the nursery . Mrs . Dave is hooked on doing some kind of wood crown molding or something . It will be easier this time around because all the corners are square , but I don 't know if I 'm sold on the idea . We shall see . If it works with the rest of the room ( which will probably be orange and white ) I 'll go with it . Good thing is that we have a minivan this time around , so we won 't have to cut the boards short to fit them in the vehicle . Last time we only had an Acura Integra and the boards needed to be 10 ' long and we just couldn 't fit them , so we have these seams at the midpoints of three sides of my son 's room . You don 't really notice if you aren 't looking for it , but I know it 's there . But Mrs . Dave also wants to paint the top part of the wall with the letters and animals in the crib bumper . Should be interesting , if nothing else ! DaveDave If it wasn 't for everyone else doing it , I think I 'd get sick myself . This past weekend was one of the oddest , most disgusting periods of 48 hours I 've ever been through . I won 't go into too much detail here to protect the squeamish , but ick . It started off on Thursday . Our dog has a serious garbage problem . He will wait and wait and attack the trash can in our kitchen at every opportunity , as I have mentioned on this blog before . Well , Thursday was the big score for him . He got a huge chunk of my son 's birthday cake and who knows what else . Well , we expected him to be barfing quite a bit as a result , and he didn 't let us down . He has a very sensitive stomach , and whenever he eats a lot of something other than his regular food , he barfs . So , usually it works itself out within a day . But this time , it kept going through Friday night and into Saturday morning . We got worried that it was lasting so long . Because he was becoming rather lethargic . So we took him to the vet . They put an IV in him to rehydrate him and gave him some medicine to settle his stomach . He came back home with some new food , and he seemed to be in better spirits , though still not 100 % . When we got home , it was almost time for my son 's birthday party . So we put the dog 's cage upstairs an let him rest in peace and quiet up there . He was fine for a while , but still seemed somewhat out of it . The party was over and we let him back downstairs . We offered him some food , but he wasn 't interested . We gave him some pain medication the Vet gave us and went to bed . The next morning , all seemed well , though the dog was still not quite his usual energetic self . I offered him food again , and he didn 't want any . So I gave him another pain pill , and he relaxed in the corner of the kitchen as he often does . Then he was moving about a bit and he laid down where his food and water bowls usually are . This was unusual , but we didn 't think a lot of it because he was probably sleepy from the pill . We went into the living room and a few minutes later , we hear the dog ' posted by David Hollenbeck @ 3 : 22 PM 2 comments Well , only sorta . Our OB does ultrasounds in his office at almost every appointment . He has a machine that he says " is long since paid for " and doesn 't charge for it . He does it mainly to just make sure everything is going as it should and the baby is the right size compared to the due date , etc . Well , last appt . he took a look and asked my son what he thought it was going to be . My son wants a brother . So , the doctor moved the sensor around and such and though it was fuzzy , it 's looking like it 's a little boy ! The doctor said he couldn 't say with 100 % certainty , but based on his experience , that 's where he would put his money . I 'm just thrilled that it 's healthy and progressing normally . But I 'd be lying if I were to say I 'm not a little disappointed it 's not a girl . This is , in all likelihood , the last child I 'll father , and I just wanted it to be a girl so I had one of each . Another reason is because I 've always wanted a daughter named Cora . I 've just loved that name since I knew a girl in college named that . It wouldn 't be naming the baby after her , I just really liked the name a lot . So please don 't think I 'm not excited that it 's a boy , it 's fantastic ! I just realized that I 'll probably never have Cora , and that made me just a little sad . But don 't go buggin ' me for the boy 's name ! I 'm not tellin ' til he 's here . Dave As if what we knew wasn 't enough , more info is being revealed about my niece 's father ( just no way I 'm going to refer to him as any kind of brother , in - law or otherwise ) . My niece is now seeing a counselor to help her deal with what has happened to her . I 'm getting this information second hand , but it 's from a very reliable source . She is responding better than we ever expected . This doctor must really know what she 's doing . In just a few sessions she has manages to get my niece to reveal that in addition to the other crap her father did to her , she has also been locked up in a dark , cold crawlspace under the house ( it doesn 't have a basement as most people would think of it ) for periods of time and in addition to the cold water treatment mentioned a while ago , she was also given the same treatment with very hot water . That 's more than any of us have been able to get out of her . . . ever . The rage builds and builds for anyone who actually cares about this little girl . And the rage still burns in my niece . I saw a full - fledged - well - temper tantrum , but that hardly begins to describe what she does . You can never really be sure what might set her off , but when things don 't go her way , particularly after she has had a visitation with her father , she loses control . Unfortunately , the target of her rage is often the grandmother she lives with now . But my niece will try to hit , kick , scratch , bite , try to break her grandmother 's glasses and basically inflict as much damage as she can . I 'm no psychiatrist , but the difference between that and when she 's her normal self is the closest thing I 've seen to split personalities . Her screaming is piercing ( though not as bad as it was when she was a baby , that was unbelievable ) and these fits can last a long time . When we were there , she also took off her clothes and I didn 't see it , but she apparently also has taken to banging her head on furniture / walls etc . For the first time , I was actually scared of what she might do during one of these fits . My son goes to daycare , so when posted by David Hollenbeck @ 2 : 40 PM 0 comments
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Sometimes during solitude I hear truth spoken with clarity and freshness ; uncolored and untranslated , it speaks from within myself in a language original but inarticulate , heard only with the soul , and I realize I brought it with me , was never taught it , nor can I effectively teach it to another . - Pres . Hugh B . Brown October 5 , 2011Current events , Main , Personal , Personal History , Technologybfwebster The second personal computer I ever owned [ 1 ] was an Apple II , with no floppy drive . I bought it , along with a small color TV , from my close friend Robert Trammel while we were both living in Houston sometime around 1980 . We had already spent hours together programming on it , then carefully ( though not always successfully ) saving our programs out to cassette tape . After three months , I sold the computer and TV back to Robert - not because I didn 't like it , but because I was spending far too much time on it . A few years later - in 1982 - my close friend Wayne Holder hired me into his nascent software company , Oasis Systems , in part to help with his existing and planned word processing utilities ( The Word Plus , Punctuation + Style ) , but mostly to develop computer games . And we did , developing Sundog : Frozen Legacy on the Apple II , a game for which I still get e - mails ( and which Wayne is even now working on resurrecting for modern platforms ) . In January 1984 , a few months before Sundog shipped , we were invited by Guy Kawasaki to come up to Apple to see a preview of the Mac and to talk about what software we could port to the Mac . Through my connections with computer stores in San Diego , I was able to get a personal loan of a Mac for a few days at home prior to the official announcement in Cupertino later that month , which Wayne and I attended as well . That was my first time seeing Steve Jobs in person , and it remains a memorable highlight of my professional life . When the Mac shipped a few days later , I went down to the one computer store in San Diego that I knew would be getting machines from Apple . I took $ 3000 in cash with me and managed to convince the store owner - a friend - to let me have one of the three Macs he had to sell . Through a connection with Phil Lemmons - editor - in - chief at BYTE - I ended up writing the official BYTE review of the 128K Macintosh ( August 1984 issue ) . By the end of 1984 , I was writing full - time for BYTE , including on - going coverage of the Macintosh , particularly once my BYTE column started in mid - 1985 . After a few years of writing for BYTE , I switched to writing for Macworld magazine . Steve was now long - gone from Apple , and Apple was having some of its own problems going forward . But in late 1987 , I was contacted by Addison - Wesley . They were interested in having me write a book about Steve Jobs ' new project at NeXT . Folks at NeXT had apparently suggested me to Addison - Wesley , probably due to my writing at BYTE and Macworld . I leapt at the opportunity , particularly since in coincided with our family moving from Utah to just outside Santa Cruz ( where I would be doing technical writing for Borland on a consulting basis ) . Once there , I found myself invited to visit NeXT HQ on Deer Creek Road , sit in on meetings , and attend the 0 . 3 NeXTstep Dev Camp . And , yes , that meant getting actual face time with Steve Jobs as well - not a lot , but this was a man whose creations had been impacting my personal and professional life for over a decade at this point . The writing of the book dragged out as I waited to get my hands on an actual NeXT cube , which finally happened ( if I recall correctly ) at the end of 1988 or early 1989 . I wrote the first several drafts of the book on that NeXT cube itself . The book came out in the fall of 1989 ; it remains the single most successful book I 've ever written , due to the intense interest in NeXT itself , more than any particular writing skills or technical insight on my part . The following year , I found myself working with a world - class typographer ( Mike Parker ) and graphic designer ( Vic Spindler ) to create a design - oriented desktop publishing system . I was doing all the software prototyping on my NeXT cube , and we made the decision to make the NeXT our first target platform . For five years - 1990 to 1995 - I served as chief architect and CTO at Pages Software Inc , where we developed Pages by Pages and then WebPages , while spending nearly two years just trying to raise venture funding . We closed on funding at the start of 1992 and shipped our first version of Pages in early 1994 . We quickly sold all that we were going to in the all - too - small NeXTstep market . My frustrations at seeing larger firm try to leverage off of NeXT 's incredible innovations led to an op - ed piece in the November 1994 issue of BYTE , " Whither NextStep ? " The day that issue came out was the last time that Steve Jobs and I spoke - he called me from the back of a car somewhere to ask me what the hell I was doing writing that . I said , telling the truth . Pages would close its door the next year , unable to secure additional funding to move its technology to Windows . Boy , was I wrong . I was not only wrong about his abilities at Apple , I was wrong in my BYTE article about NextStep being on a downward slope . NextStep , of course , was the foundation of Mac OS X , and Steve transformed Apple into the most - admired , most - imitated , and most - valuable company in the world . And I was tickled that , when Apple brought out its own word processor , it was named " Pages " . Steve had always liked that name when we were developing ( and shipping ) our own product years before ; glad he was able to use it . July 17 , 2009BYU , Humor , Main , Personal , Personal Historybfwebster Back in January , BYU Magazine ( or whatever its called ) solicited tales of dorm life . I submitted the stories below , and they apparently chose one of them ( based on my daughter - in - law 's comments on Facebook ) . Here are my original stories . These are all from 1971 - 72 , my freshman year at BYU . I was living on the 3rd floor in Penrose ( " T " ) Hall in Deseret Towers . When you put 40 + young men , mostly freshman , all on the same dorm floor - in this case , the 3rd floor of Penrose ( T ) Hall in Deseret Towers ( 1971 - 72 ) - interesting activities develop . One of our periodic games was called " Glow - ball Warfare " , and we played it in the commons room ( with all the furniture in place ) . The main playing instrument was a plastic , glow - in - the - dark ball . All the players would gather into the commons room , with a few towels to block out light coming from beneath the doors . One person would start out with the ball , holding it up to one of the ceiling lights . After a minute or so , he 'd nod , and all the lights would be turned out . He would now do his best to hit someone else with the now - glowing ball , the only thing visible in the room . Everyone else would do their best to get away from him in the darkness , usually running into each other and the furniture ( the worst I ever got hurt in the game was crawling head - first into the heavy metal pole holding up one of the tables ) . Once the ball was thrown , there was a scramble to grab the ball ; whoever got it now did his best to hit someone else . When the ball got too dim , we 'd call a halt , turn on the lights to recharge it , and then continue . There were no teams ; it was strictly a free - for - all . In high school , I had played football for four years . There was another guy on my dorm floor , Layne Jensen ( ' 74 , ' 76 , ' 78 ) , who had been in wrestling in high school for four years . Every now and then , Layne and I would have contests where we would take turns hitting each other in the stomach as hard as we could to see if the other guy could take it . For the life of me , I can 't remember how this got started or why we thought it was a good idea , but I know we always walked away feeling that both of us had done well . Greg Zippi ( ' 77 , ' 83 ) , another floor - mate , came up with a less violent and painful game : Hallway Frisbee . The two players would start a modest distance apart in one of the long dorm hallways . One player would toss a frisbee to the other player . If the frisbee didn 't touch the wall , ceilings or ( of course ) floor , then both players would take a stride back , and the second player would throw to the first player . If the frisbee did touch the floor / walls / ceiling , then we stayed the same distance apart . The goal was to throw the frisbee the full length of the hallway without it touching anything . Given how long and narrow the Deseret Towers hallways were , that was a rare accomplishment , but always much celebrated and bragged about when accomplished . Finally , at the end of our freshman year , at the end of finals , we challenged another floor in our hall to a few outdoor competitions , one of which was a tug - of - war across one of the the irrigation canals that ran near Heritage Halls . Because the heights of the two banks of the canal weren 't quite the same , we decided to switch sides after the first event and repeat the tug - of - war . Many of us , not wanting to walk the 30 yards or so to one side to walk across the canal , simply ran and jumped over it . Since the canal had 2 - 3 ″ of water in it , and since the canal had sloping banks , I kept a careful eye on the ground as I ran up to the canal and leapt . I then looked up just in time to see that someone from the opposing team had done exactly the same thing at exactly the same time in exactly the same ( but opposite ) place along the canal . One of my floormates ( it may well have been Greg ) later told me - once he could stop laughing - that it was like watching a live - action cartoon . This other young man and I hit one another full on right over the middle of the canal , exactly canceled out each other 's momentum , hung for a split - second in mid - air , and then dropped into the canal 's cold , cold water together . For my own part , I put out my right hand to break my fall and slammed it onto one of the large , water - smoothed rocks at the bottom of the canal . I was unable to shake hands for a month . In fairness to Heather O . and the rest , however , many of these moments are less the parents ' fault than simply the consequences of having children . I think that many of my mom 's gray hairs come from my own actions - and I started young . Here are some examples : - The street we live on has ( as I recall ) no sidewalks - just yards that go right up to the street . After a heavy rain , there are wonderful large puddles in the worn depressions along the shoulder of the road . As I go out to play , my mom tells me , " Don 't play in those mud puddles with your clothes on . " A while later , she gets a call from a neighbor who says that I 'm playing stark naked in one of the large puddles - with my clothes carefully laid out on the neighbor 's lawn . - There was an abandoned workshop or garage across the street ; I thought of it as a " barn " , but it was far too low for that . I used to climb up to the roof and jump off . In fact , I very much loved jumping off of high places until I was about 9 or 10 . Then I suddenly developed a fear of heights . I don 't know if that was just a realization of what I was doing , or the result of an unpleasant jump whose details I 've blotted out completely . - I used to leave the Naval housing area ( West Kalayaan ) and wander in the surrounding jungle . On at least one occasion , I took the first aid kit from my house , and a friend ( same age ) and I wandered into the jungle , found a nearby Negrito village , and tried to ask them if they had any cuts that needed band - aids . ( They spoke no English . ) It 's been nearly 50 years , but I remember the warm ( and , in retrospect , probably amused ) smile on the face of the native - an older man not dressed in much more than a loincloth - who tried to talk with us and who offered us coffee in a tin cup . - I was crawling around an abandoned pillbox ( probably Japanese ) in the jungle and cut myself ( on a rusty piece of rebar ) on the inside of my thigh . Rather than tell my mom when I got home , I just put a large band - aid on it . Luckily , I was wearing shorts ; she spotted the band - aid , asked me about it , took the band - aid off , and then transported me to the Naval hospital , where I got two stitches and a tetanus booster . - On a regular basis , a truck pulling a trailer would wend its way through the Naval housing area . The trailer had a DDT sprayer that would emit dense clouds of wonderful - smelling DDT fog . We ( the neighborhood kids ) would play tag in the DDT fog . - We lived in Naval housing again , with the ( moderate ) rain forests starting at our back yard . I used to wander through these woods at will - alone or with a friend - and capture snakes . My friend Paul and I once captured 26 snakes in one day . I kept large numbers of snakes in two unused trash cans behind our duplex . Somehow , in all this , I never once caught or encountered a poisonous snake . And so on . Your own stories ? If you need some different inspiration , here 's a post over at thisisby . us made two years ago in response to some school banning tag ; the comment thread is still going . . . bruce . . Forty - one years ago - in the spring of 1967 - my friend Andrew Bos introduced me to the LDS Church by asking me to go to Mutual with him , then to Sunday School , and then to Sacrament meeting . After a few months of that , Andrew prodded me to ask my parents if I could have the missionary discussions . To my surprise , it was my father - a Navy man since age 17 who smoked Marlboros , drank martinis , inhaled coffee , and swore , well , like a sailor - who was enthusiastic about my doing so . He said that he could think of no other church that he 'd rather have me join ( we were all inactive Episcopalians ) and that he thought the Mormon Church was " the one church that would save Christianity " ( his exact words ) . Having received a powerful testimony of the reality of the Restoration during the missionary discussions and my own study and prayer , I went back to my parents some weeks later to get permission to be baptized ( I was only 14 ) . Again , it was my father who signed the slip , saying that if he could ever give up his cigarettes , liquor and coffee , he 'd join the LDS Church himself . He never won that battle , though - in fact , it was his earlier failed attempt in 1967 to give up smoking that led to my own decision never to start - and he died a little over 10 years ago . But through the years he and Mom were always supportive my Church involvement , including paying for my entire mission . Yesterday , I was able to return the favor to my dad , doing his baptismal and initiatory work in the Denver Temple . In fact , my sweet wife Sandra and I together did that work for a total of 40 of my ancestors , the majority of them within four or five generations . That work included six relatives whom I knew personally - my dad , my uncle Jimmy , Grandma and Grandpa Webster , and Grandma and Grandpa Fickes ( my mom 's adoptive parents ) - as well as my mom 's birth father ( Grandpa Wiren ) , most of my great - great - grandparents along all lines , and some even further back than that . While the temple is a sacred place for me , I am not prone to having ' thin veil ' experiences . That was different yesterday . At the start of my initiatory session , I organized the 22 male names I had by lineage going back . For example , the six Websters were done sequentially ( uncle , father , grandfather , great - grandfather , great - great - grandfather , great - great - great - grandfather ) ; I organized the other lines the same way , as far as possible . As I went through the round of initiatory work for each of these men , I felt a deep and increasing soberness at the literal nature of the authority being conferred and the blessings being unlocked ; I also repeatedly felt love and gratitude from specific individuals as the work for them was done . As importantly , I realized that by doing this work , I had opened the door for them to turn again and bring blessings into my life . Pres . Kimball famously said that when the Lord seeks to bless us or answer our prayers , He usually does so through other people . What struck me at the temple yesterday is that the " other people " aren 't limited to those of us on this side of the veil . By doing temple work , particularly for our close ancestors , we multiply those whom God can use to bless us . There is another blessing , too . I was the only member of my family to join the LDS Church 41 years ago , and through that time I have remained the only member in my immediate family ( meaning my own parents and siblings , as well as aunts , uncles , cousins , grandparents , and all my ancestors ) . Through all those decades , I have felt the responsibility of being the first in all my ancestral lines to be a member of the Church and to hold the Priesthood , of having to set an example while lacking one of my own to draw upon , and I 'm well aware of how often I have fallen short . Leaving the temple last night , however , I felt a weight had been lifted . I have company , now - others in my family and family lines who have embraced the Gospel and accepted its blessings . I no longer feel like such an odd duck - at least , not for that reason - and it 's nice to know I have patriarchs in my own line who now hold the Priesthood . I have a compelling reason to go to the temple frequently - we 've got 38 names cleared for endowments ( we did my Grandma & Grampa Webster in an endowment session last night ) , as well as lots of subsequent sealings . And I 've got hundreds of more names to submit once we 've gotten these done . All too often , we measure status in the Church - and standing before the Lord - by positions held , particularly those held lately . We sometimes talk of Church careers and promotions , as if the Kingdom were a business . When we gather together , we find ways subtle and overt to let others know what callings we 've had , feeling self - assured if we 've held what are commonly called " high " positions , and feeling self - doubt if someone much younger has held higher positions . By such standards , Avard Anderson - my father - in - law - was not a " success " . He spent over twenty - five years traveling through the US and Canada , building smokestacks . He never stayed in one place very long , living and working in over 100 different locations during that time . When he finally retired , he settled here in Orem and spent the rest of his life enjoying time with Nora , their children , and the ever - growing stream of grandkids . Throughout the nearly fifty years since Dad and Mom were married , he was never called as a bishop , never appointed to serve on a stake high council , never asked to be a member of a stake presidency . And yet … and yet I think Dad has laid up for himself a reward in heaven which any of us would be thrilled to have . During all those years , he usually lived far from the population centers of the Church , at a time when total Church membership was barely a tenth of what it is today . He served in a succession of branches and small wards , providing leadership and support to the members there . He was always ready to show Christ - like service to all he 'd come in contact with , and when he felt it was appropriate , he 'd bear his humble , honest testimony - and more than a few people heard it , were touched , and were baptized . He , Mom and the kids faithfully attended their meetings wherever they lived , even though at times they lived 20 to 30 miles from the meetinghouse , and the meeting schedule back then was far less convenient : Priesthood and Sunday School in the morning , Sacrament in the evening , and Primary , Mutual , and Relief Society during the week . All this was done not to impress others , gain appreciation , or to somehow qualify for higher callings , but because it was the right thing to do - and Dad felt he owed it to the Lord to do the right thing . I think of Dad as a Johnny Appleseed , planting seeds and nurturing branches , setting an example and quietly serving others , doing his part to help keep things growing until the Church membership grew large enough to sustain its own growth . Many of the branches he served in are now wards ; many of the wards , stakes ; and there are many , many people throughout the US and Canada , of all religious persuasions , who know , remember and love Avard Anderson . O , that we all could have such a legacy ! A lesser man might have felt pride and self - satisfaction ; Dad , in his humility , was concerned about what he saw as his shortcomings and mistakes . He spent the last few months of his life expressing his love and appreciation for those around him and bearing his testimony to his many visitors . At night , lying in bed , he prayed blessings on those he loved and mentally reviewed all he had learned in the temple , wanting to be prepared for what awaited him in the next life . I have few doubts about who was there to meet Dad when he crossed over : family and friends who have gone on before , descendants yet to come , and - as promised in two separate blessings he received during his last weeks - the Savior Himself . I 'm also quite sure that Dad will again be doing there what he did so well here : quietly serving and bearing testimony . As his nephew Mike noted last night , Dad is following the pattern of his life : going ahead to set things up , then sending for Mom and , eventually , the kids . While such a promise as Dad 's - to be met by the Savior - would be tremendous comfort , I will be content if it is Dad who meets me when I pass through to the other side , because I am sure that where I find one , I will find the Other . Years ago , I had some e - mail exchanges with one of the researchers inside of the BioSphere 2 experiment , an attempt to live for an extended period within an ecologically self - contained environment . The researcher talked about an upcoming holiday ( which may well have been Thanksgiving ) and the prospect of a " feast " . She noted that their daily diet was pretty constrained , but they had been setting choice foods aside and saving up special treats to have a large , abundant meal . She talked about the psychological boost of such a feast , even just in anticipation . In the superabundance of the early 21st century , at least through much of the industrialized world , I think we have lost sight of what a feast truly represents , in terms of work , sacrifice and reward . I bought our 20 lb frozen turkey at Safeway for $ 7 . 99 ( club member price ) - it 's not a creature that I have raised , fed , and protected over several months or years , and then picked out and slaughtered to feed my family . And while the meal itself will be more formal and expansive that most of our meals here at home - about the only time that Sandra and I have " sit down " meals is when we have company over - it doesn 't represent any real departure in the quality or quantity of food we have at our disposal . And I am thankful for that . I have been through some major ups and downs in my life . I have gone through divorce , un ( der ) employment , bankruptcy , and foreclosure . I have known what it is like to lose weight due to a lack of food in the house ( something that would likely benefit me now ) , what it is like to have only $ 20 to buy a week 's groceries for 9 people ( 2 adults , 7 kids ) to supplement the food storage at home , what it is like to buy just 1 / 2 lb of ground beef at a grocery store , what it is like to ask a young teenage son not to take seconds at dinner in order for there to be enough leftovers for dinner the following night . I am thankful for those times , just as I am thankful for the two years I spent in Central America , eating a lot of rice and beans along with some more , ah , unusual dishes , and spending time daily with people who had far less than I did . I particularly remember the day in the spring of 1974 when Paul Quigley ( my missionary companion ) and I found ourselves suddenly and unexpectedly out on the streets of Managua , Nicaragua , with our suitcases and with no idea where we 'd be sleeping that night . We did find a new place to live by that evening , but for several hours I dealt with finding myself - all of 20 years old , and without a lot of cash in my pocket - homeless thousands of miles from home in a foreign city still largely in ruins from a massive earthquake a bit over a year earlier . There is much that I am thankful for and for which I give thanks daily . But on this day , I am particularly grateful for a roof over my head , for a warm bed and warm clothes , and for food on the table . Even now , I don 't take any of that for granted . May God bless you all on your Thanksgiving days , wherever you are . . . bruce w . . November 12 , 2007Main , Military , Personal Historybfwebster I 'm not a veteran , though my good friend ( and co - blogger over at And Still I Persist ) Bruce Henderson is . But my mother ( the genealogist ) sent me a list of veterans in our family . Here 's the list ( with a few additions of my own ) in rough reverse chronological order : True story : after my freshman year of college at BYU ( 1971 - 72 ) , I served a full - time mission for the Church . Since I was going to Central America , I first had 8 weeks of intensive language training at what was then called the Language Training Mission ( LTM ) , located mainly in buildings on the south part of the BYU campus . During those 8 weeks , I happen to notice this one sister missionary who is likewise in the LTM , learning Spanish in order to serve a mission down in South America . I never really get a chance to talk with her , but she 's kind of cute and ( more importantly ) looks intelligent . After the 8 weeks are up , I leave for Central America .
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Well , I had a really good weekend . My oldest son came home . We finally celebrated father 's day for the hubby . We had a really enjoyable weekend with my son and his wife . They seem to be doing really well . My son got funding for his master 's , so we talked a lot about that . Its making their lives a little easier . Of course , I made all his favorites , which are my favorites too . We grilled burgers and hot dogs . I made my famous potato salad and baked beans . We had fresh corn from the farm . So all in all it was a good day . Not a good food day for me , but I knew it was coming and I was going to let myself eat the things I like . I pretty much used all my daily points along with the rest of the weeks points allowance too . But , yes , it was worth it . Today , I am making up for it . I have had all my water . I have eaten lots of veggies . I made a fabulous turkey meatloaf , lima beans , broccoli , and more fresh corn . Also made some corn muffins . Lots of carbs , but it was good , home grown food . I definitely stayed within my points today though . Also , for dessert , fresh peaches , sugar free pound cake , and sugar free cool whip . I knew I had to exercise today and really didn 't feel like it . Had the headache from hell most of the day . But I took two Aleve and decided to exercise anyway . After getting the corn muffins on to cook , I did the Leslie Sansone WATP 1 - mile video . Just enough time to cook the muffins . So , I got the other veggies on and put in the turkey meatloaf and . . . . . . . . . . . . . for some reason . . . . . I though , why not exercise some more . . . . . so I did the WATP 2 - mile video . I earned 5 APs for the day . I don 't usually do that ever ! ! I am very proud of myself at this point . I know I have to make exercise a routine in my life . I also know , I feel so much better after I do it . And . . . . the sex life is definitely getting better . . . . . . . . so that 's a major NSV ! ! ! woohoo ! ! ! Hubby better start exercising or he won 't be able to keep up ! LOL Guess I will just have to start without him ! These are the thoughts of the day from CJ ! Okay , I go on the WW boards everyday and give my thoughts , so I thought I would come here and do the same . Someone brought up the topic of being black or white and not having any gray areas . Meaning , she was either on program or off it . She either exercised or she didn 't , etc . This was so me in my past attempts . I was the person who did everything perfect , worked out , journaled everything , never strayed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . until I actually DID stray and then everything was blown to hell . I lost almost all of this weight once before . I didn 't reach that magical number . I didn 't reach that magical size . Mostly , I didn 't see a difference in the mirror . I still saw the same fat person I had always been . I know I have a problem with that and realizing that has been extremely hard . People now tell me I 've lost weight and I don 't SEE . I feel it everyday in the way I move and in my clothes . I just don 't see it . I 'm not sure why ? Maybe the same way an anorexic person thinks they are still fat when they are mere skeletons . I don 't know . Its an ongoing problem for me . I feel myself changing , little by little . I felt terrible last night and I knew it was because I hadn 't worked out yesterday . SO , at 9 : 00 p . m . the DH and I decided we needed to get up and move , so we headed out in the neighborhood and did about a mile . Granted it wasn 't much , but it got the both of us off the couch and moving . This is totally out of the norm for both of us . It made us both feel better . So , why am I dreading working out this morning ? I know that I will , but I have put way too much thought in to not wanting to work out . That 's just my little brain at work trying to sabotage my efforts . Does anybody else have any self - sabotaging problems ? It gets rough sometimes , trying to lose weight and deal with those inner demons trying to keep you from losing weight ! . . We must FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT AND GET RID OF THE VOICES IN OUR HEADS ! Okay , now you all obviously know that I 'm crazy , but who cares ! A little bit of crazy never hurt no one ! ! LOLMy Posted by Okay , been on the WW site a lot today . Been really motivated . Been working hard on doing some housework , even though I think all of my little projects are only messing up the place . . . . . . I 've had a pretty good day . Went to eat Mexican food with my youngest son . That was nice . He even talked to me and didn 't text during dinner ! What an accomplishment . . . . . . . . . . . . THEN . . . . . . . . I walked in to my walk in closet and saw the dress I wore to Easter services with my in - laws . Hmmm . . . . . . I think I will try it on . It was tight and uncomfortable and I hated the way I looked in it ! Well , its very loose now and I love it ! This trying on old stuff is pretty neat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SO , let 's try on the dress I wore to my son 's wedding nearly two years ago . . . . I was so uncomfortable that day . The camisole and the skirt fit then , but the jacket was way too tight and didn 't meet in the middle like it should have . I had it made and somehow the seamstress got the measurements off on the jacket . No time to do it over . . . . . . . SO , if you look at my picture on the right you will see that I was uncomfortable and upset about the jacket . Not a good day ( well it was for my son - - just not a good clothes day for the " fat at heart " LOL ) . SO , I tried on this outfit tonight . WHAT A WONDERFUL SURPRISE ! I need to do this more often . I have lost 36 pounds now . My weight loss has slowed down a bit , but this was just what I needed to get my big butt in gear ! The camisole was WAY too loose . The skirt was falling off of me . AND . . . . . . . . . The jacket was now a perfect fit and meets in the middle . Can we do the wedding over ? I think I could get through it without being miserable . . . LOL I have to laugh because that was a very trying day and when you are fat , these types of events are ALWAYS unbearable . Now matter how much you smile , now matter how much you fake it , on the inside - - - - - - - its awful . I had my first Xanax that day ! I needed it . I have a bit of " social anxiety " anyway , so it definitely helped ! So , there you go . When in doubt , go try on your old clothes . I knePosted by Okay , I have to admit it , the more you exercise , the more energy you get . Now , when I was getting home from work and dead tired , you couldn 't convince me that if I would just get my fat ass up off the couch and workout , I would feel better . Like I have said before , this weight loss has been easier , mainly because I am doing it for myself and because all of those years I spent trying to lose weight in the middle of raising children , working , running between band practice , baseball games , and football games , well the diet was always the first casualty . So , now that both of my sons are grown ( 24 and 19 ) and one of them is out of the house , I am finding a diet much easier to follow . Of course , Weight Watchers doesn 't want you think of their program as a diet , it is . However , it is the most practical of any diet . It allows you to eat real food while teaching you that moderating is the key . As I have said before , I work for a school and we are out for the summer ( My mind automatically goes to the old Alice Cooper Song " School 's Out For Summer - - I realize this dates my terribly , but I was very young when this song was out - - REALLY ) . . Since we are out for summer , the dieting has been a little easier . Just wish my summer break was longer ! LOL I have been cooking a lot ( hubby loves that ) and have been exercising a lot . A lot for me any way . I walked two miles last Monday and did the Walk Away The Pounds video Wednesday and Thursday . Well , I was busy on Friday and lazy on Saturday so I didn 't work out . So , today , after not eating as well as I should . . . . I did at least do the 3 mile workout video . I do like the way the exercising makes you feel . Now , secretly , I am one of those who would love to go to a gym . Will I ever ? Probably not . But I will never say never ! As a kid , my father was in the military and we lived on / near a military base so all of the gyms , pools , outdoor activities were always there for us to use . Boy I miss that . Not the military , just having everything available at no cost ! But , we always used to be at tPosted by Well , this is the second time this week I have walked two miles . Now , to most people , that doesn 't seem like a lot . To me , its totally amazing I can walk that far . When I started all of this in February , I could barely walk to the mail box . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the mailbox is very close to the front door ! LOLWhen I started in February I bought a Leslie Sansone " Walk Away the Pounds " video . The " Get Up and Get Started " section is the one mile walk and it takes about 20 minutes . I got through it . BUT , boy it was not easy . I hurt so bad after doing it , and of course , eventually stopped doing it . Well , having lost 34 lbs now , and moving a lot more , I decided to start walking again . Well , on Monday morning the hubby and I went out for a walk . We walked 2 miles . I was quite proud of myself . . . . . . . . . . . and completely SHOCKED . So , today , I decided to do the 2 mile section of the " Walk Away the Pounds " video . I did it . It wasn 't hard . I enjoyed it . Now , of course , spending the last three weeks working with 40 five year olds prepared me somewhat . Plus , I have been doing a lot more walking at work . . . . . . . so needless to say . . . . I am thrilled ! So , maybe this exercise stuff isn 't so bad . Guess I best not get ahead of myself though ! Let 's see if I keep it up ! CJ Well , today is Father 's Day . My hubby , the love of my life and father of my two beautiful sons , is watching TV through his eyelids as we speak . I remember those days when my Dad watched TV through his eyelids . My sisters and I would think he was asleep so we would go change the channel from football or basketball or golf . It always amazed us that by doing so , that was the switch that woke him up ! ! Now it seems funny , back then , not so much ! My father and I don 't speak much , but it doesn 't keep me from having fond , childhood memories of him . He never seemed to want to be a part of our lives and when we ( the children ) quit making the effort , he seemed to just go away . He comes in to town every now and again , but never without another reason . The last time , a basketball tournament . I realized a long time ago that he wasn 't capable of unconditional love and that for me , it was easier to love him from a distance . I will always love the man , and again have fond memories , but needing him in my everyday life isn 't a necessity . Lucky for me , I found a man who knows what being a real father is . I have two sons . One of which I am certain realizes the sacrifices that his father has made time and time again over the years . The other , I am not so sure . He has more of the attitude that now that he 's educated , his Dad 's ( and his mom 's ) belief systems are antiquated and / or outdated . He made a statement one time that he couldn 't believe that we were his parents , mainly because we don 't see things the way he sees them , whether that 's religion , politics , or just life in general . Its hard to swallow sometimes , but we are proud of our son . He has worked hard all of his life and is still working hard to get his master 's . He has always been one of those who thought for himself , or thinks that anyway . He really doesn 't see that he is more like a chameleon and takes on the beliefs of those he is around . Sad really . He is my oldest son . My youngest son , though going through some rebellious behavior , is a bit more settled in his thinking . NPosted by So , I weighed in this past Sunday . I only gained . 2 . Now , I have been off my diet / program for nearly three weeks . Well , let me say , I haven 't been going to the meetings or to weigh - ins . I was for the most part , following some kind of diet , but wasn 't writing things down or really tracking a thing . How I managed to only gain . 2 is beyond me . I guess it was a mercy WI because I certainly didn 't deserve it . My temporary / summer program is almost over . WHEW . Thought I would never make it . I am no sure why I did this . Yes , I am ! The money . . . . . . . . . . DUH ! One and half more days . Hopefully this time next year , I will be on the white , sandy beaches of Orange Beach , AL vacating with the FAM ! My sister already wants to reserve our condos . . . . She is down there right now and already planning for next year ! What a Sis ! My husband really doesn 't like doing this . . . . . . . but the one bright spot for him is the fact that he has a high school buddy down there that takes him out fishing ( at night ) and he really does have fun doing that ! I , truly enjoy the early morning walks on the beach with the hubby . We were there last year for a full week . I was so out of shape and out of breath and out of " it " , that I think I ruined the vacation a little for him . I am determined that next year , I don 't ruin it for him or for me . I am already down 35 pounds . Its not unreasonable to think I could be down 75 or better by then , is it ? Well , If I don 't get back OP , it won 't happen . I haven 't totally quit yet , so I 'm giving my self a little credit for that . Thanks for the supportive emails . . . . . Still don 't have that many people commenting on the blog , but that 's ok ! ~ ( Thanks for the comments CARLOS and NEW CRYSTAL ) Just email me now and again and give me some thoughts or just " tell it like it is ! " So , that 's what 's up with me . I AM going to WI in this Sunday . I AM sticking to this diet . I AM going to lose this weight . I like have little goals . Seems more attainable that way . My next goal is 50 lbs . Just 16 lbs . away . When I lost my 10 % , I bought myself an iPod . Posted by Well , I wonder a lot , but mostly I wonder why I like food so much ? Well , I am from the South . That doesn 't help ! Fried and lots of butter . . . . . . . . . the only two food groups we know . Not really , actually , my mother has always been a good cook . I was raised on veggies from the garden , lots of them , but they all had some kind of meat or grease or whatever cooked in them . My main problem is junk food . I am a junkie for sure . When the stress hits , I want chips and dip and want to sit in the living room and eat them mindlessly . I have done really well . Lost over 30 lbs now . Well maybe not . I haven 't WI in over two weeks . I know I have gained and haven 't mustered up the courage to go WI . What kind of coward am I ? Afraid of a little scale . I was a military wife who was left in Japan while husband was out to sea with a one year old and I was the ripe old age of 20 . I have handled a lot in my life . Two teenage sons comes to mind first . I made it through that . I made it through my husband being in Iraq for a year and a half ( most importantly , he made through being in Iraq a year and half and having his convoy come under attack and taking shrapnel to the face ) Though these are only a few things , my life is good . I am a smart woman , with beautiful children , a wonderful husband . Why can 't I conquer this " food thing " ? ? ? ? I just don 't get it . Why am I afraid to WI ? Failure . We are all afraid of it I guess . I have tried to teach my children that failure molds you . Makes you a better person . If you have never failed , you must have never tried . SO , I am not going to quit trying . I may continually fail , but I will never quit trying . I can 't . I feel too good . I want this to continue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . so why am I wanting chips and a coke right NOW ? ? ? ? I hate it . I feel like some druggie wanting a fix or something ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! In the South all our lives everything revolves around food . I 'm sure this is not limited to the South , however . My family gets together and everyone wants their favorite dish cooked by their favorite relative . Posted by Okay , here we go ! Today was my first day back OP , really . I did go over my daily points , but have weeklys to use . Its been a rough day , and I have really wanted to head to the fridge . I have my audit tomorrow and this is really a stressful time . I will be glad when I get some time off . WHY did I take on this extra , temporary summer job . Yes , its only temporary , but it took an extra two and half weeks of my summer away . Yes , there will be extra money , but I think I really needed the time off more . Oh well . Such is life . Have a week and half left ( a little more ) . Of course the boss does her best to make life miserable for everyone . All last week she decided to stress me out about my audit . She and I made the agreement that I would do this summer program and that one and half weeks I would be pulling double duty . She agreed to it . All last week she decides to keep reminding me that I am still supposed to be ( basically ) doing her job . Okay , these are my ramblings for the day . Guess that 's why I started this blog , huh ? Haven 't given many people this blog address . A couple of friends , but they never respond ! Respond already ! LOL Thanks to the new friends who have responded . I appreciate it ! We are all in this together . Weight loss is the hardest thing I have ever done . Its easy to eat like a pig and watch the weight come on ! Its not so easy to eat sensibly and watch it slowly come off . But , that 's what I am doing . Slowly but surely .
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While perusing Fiberarts magazine yesterday , a piece about and by artist Jon Coffelt caught my eye . Coffelt makes small clothes out of cast - off , regular - sized clothing . He makes them for a variety of reasons : his first piece was made when his partner got an ink stain on the pocket of a favorite shirt and he wanted to preserve it for him . He cut the pieces down , re - stitched them by hand , and presented his partner with the small shirt . It was the first of more than 350 pieces of small clothing Coffelt has since constructed . His intention is to reproduce the design and stitching details of the original pieces . There is something so moving about this work . For many of us , fabric memories run deep . I can still find a scrap of a dress my mother sewed for me ( or I for my daughers or even for myself - my 8th grade shift sewn of blue kettlecloth ) and it evokes such strong feelings . The details - pintucks , French cuffs , ruffled hems - are often part of those memories as well . Coffelt worked as a clothing designer , so he 's especially attuned to the nuances of clothing construction . His small clothing pieces serve many functions : to honor a loved one , to assuage grief , to store a memory . In Fiberarts he shares the process and story of recreating a blouse that belonged to a beloved grandmother . Click on his website to see a group of these pieces . I tried to contact Coffelt to ask permission to use the image from his site but the e - mail bounced back . ( The photo above is from the Fiberarts site and photo credit goes to Shawn Boley . ) Pay no attention to the icy sidewalks , the mounds of dirty snow piled along the driveway , the forecast for solid precipitation : the Spring 2009 issue of Quilts and More is hitting the newsstand . Although I 've written for magazines for years I 've always been a little mystified about why magazines put out their December issues in October . I 'm sure it has to do with advertising and getting readers excited about the upcoming seasons and thinking about the perfect thing they 'll need to buy or make . In the case of Quilts and More , the spring issue is so welcome right now : there 's a chance of snow tonight and the cover and so many of the fabrics and projects evoke sunshine and growing things . There are at least three quilts in this issue that I 'd like to make . I interviewed Lisa Shepard Stewart for the issue . Like most of us , she 's smitten by fabric . In particular , she loves African fabric and has written three books of projects that use all kinds of handmade fabrics from Senegal , the Ivory Coast , and Mali . And not only does she quilt - she made her own wedding dress ! I think that 's about the bravest ( and maybe craziest ) thing a person could do : the stakes seem so high it would be easy to feel intimidated . But Lisa didn 't strike me as someone who would be easily cowed . Heck , she told me she 'd recently made a dress to wear to a friend 's party the night before the party . Lisa has a challenge going on her web site to create something using this fabric . Check out the rules at Cultured Expressions . I recently had the fun of " meeting " Monica , the designer of the sweet little mushroom needle case on page 26 in this issue . I 've enjoyed her blog for some time and she 's designed lots of great things for Quilts and More ( including my all - time favorite bag , Pick a Pocket , in the Fall 2008 issue ) and I e - mailed her recently to say hello and ask if I can add her blog , Happy Zombie , to my " roll call " of blogs - hope to get that started next week . In addition to being an obviously fun person ( who admitted she 's a 12 - year - old in a slightlPosted by It was in the 50s today and sunny . I walked home from work , splashing in puddles and slowly removing layers of clothing . By the time I got home , scarf , hat , coat , and gloves were gone and I walked Pearl around the block without a jacket . People were riding bikes , walking dogs and babies , smiling at one another . No butterflies out yet , but this is one I embroidered during college . I worked as a counselor at Camp Northland for Girls on Lake Burntside near Ely , MN ( where I 'd also been a camper ) and it was during the height of the ' 70s embroidery craze ( it was on a par with macrame mania ) . I 've saved this work shirt all these years : alas , my also - embroidered overalls have disappeared . Does anyone else struggle with the " legitimacy " of sewing and quilting ? It may be that I 'm of an age when it was considered " women 's work " and therefore not valued . Actually , I 'm of an age when , for awhile , crafting was considered cool ( as in hippies making macramé plant hangers and patchwork granny skirts : this image is from thankyouforyoursubmission . com , originally from a 1972 book , Macramé Accessories : Patterns and Ideas for Knotting by Dona Z . Meilach ) . But soon after that phase came the 80s , when women en masse had their first real opportunities to don dark suits and sneakers and , briefcase in hand , march to the office every day . At that point , we knew that other women had struggled to make it possible to work in the " real " world and that we should be taking advantage of the opportunities to climb the work - world ladder . And spending time on the " womanly arts " was deemed unimportant , if not downright anti - feminist . While I didn 't follow that path exactly , I have spent the past 12 years in the working world , and much of it in an upward mode . That 's changed in the last couple of years as I 've discovered my true passion and pleasure - writing about textiles , textile artists , quilters , designers - and I 've had the chance to do that writing , at least part time . But there 's still a little corner of me that struggles with the fact that if I tell someone at a cocktail party that I write for quilt magazines I can almost see their eyes glaze over and then search the room for someone who spends their days saving lives , designing wind turbines , or juggling vast quantities of money . All of this is to say that I somehow feel especially sheepish about a class I just took ( and thoroughly enjoyed ) at Home Ec . It was doll making , which might seem about as anti - feminist an activity as they come . The doll on the left above is one I 've had since childhood . The doll on the right is as far as I 've gotten making Louise , a pattern from Hillary Lang of Wee Wonderfuls . She has this incredibly sensible system for delivering her patternPosted by I finally finished binding the pink Sweetie Pie quilt and nearly have the thirties version finished , as well . I gave the pink one to Wendy on Saturday : she wound up being in a class with me in Home Ec on Thursday night and I knew I 'd see her again yesterday when the class reconvened , so it was the perfect push to get it finished ! Wendy has always been so wonderful to my daughter , Maggie , ( they worked together at Prairie Lights ) and I was so happy to be able to give her something for her daughter . I got frustrated binding that quilt , however , because I kept having thread breakage - something I 'd never encountered previously . Still not sure whether it was a flawed spool of thread . . . I use Aurifil for just about everything and love it and have never had a problem . This does remind me of a couple more tools I find invaluable for binding quilts . Thread Heaven comes in a teeny , tiny blue cube and is a wax - like substance I use to coat the thread . It allows me to use long lengths without tangling . I also really like straw needles because they 're flexible , making catching both the binding and quilt back easier . I 've never been a thimble user , but I find the Nimble Thimble does the trick for me . ( I couldn 't find a photo of a hand model with raggedy cuticles and band aids covering the ironing burn , so I was forced to use the one below . ) And everyone knows the trick of holding the binding on with hair clips as you stitch . Finally , I keep all these binding supplies together , along with scissors and a needle threader , in an empty stationary box with a magnetic catch . That way I don 't need to worry about gathering things : I can just grab the box from my sewing room when I 'm ready for binding and head downstairs to the family room for conversation or TV . And the magnetic catch keeps everything from winding up on the floor when I invariably knock it off the coffee table . My mom has always been a lover of gadgets . She worked for a time in a kitchen shop , and she had every kind of peeler , slicer , dicer , and trimmer known to chefs . It was great because she 'd get the low - down on what really worked and then we 'd sometimes get the good ones as gifts . In the past few years she 's given me a few sewing tools that she bought because she was sure she needed them . Unfortunately for her , she 'd get home and already have one . Fortunately for me , I 've been the beneficiary of her duplicate purchases . Most recently I got a Clover mini - iron . I used it for the first time this weekend , when I was making trees to go along with the Liberated Houses . It was really helpful to not have to jump up and down to get to my iron every time I finished a section . There are two other tools I especially like . One is this wonderful stiletto given to me by Mel , Mary Lou , and Brenda . I have to admit when I was in Houston I thought these fancy stilettos were a bit over - the - top . I 'd been using the tip of my seam ripper , which seemed to work just fine . And I kept telling myself I could always just get a plain , ' ol barbecue skewer if I needed to . But when I opened my box of Christmas goodies , one of the items was this wonderful stiletto and I have to say , that very lovely handle makes all the difference . It 's so easy to hold ( and so much easier to see than a plain ' ol barbecue skewer ) and I never have to worry about accidentally poking a hole in something , like I do when I use my circa 1975 turquoise seam ripper . Finally , a tool I 've had since around 1990 , when I took a doll - making class at New Pieces in Berkeley from Elinor Peace Bailey , is the Bow - whip . It 's a really simple tool - - just some tubing and skewers / sticks of three different sizes that you can use to turn tubes right side out after you sew them . Sondra was making aprons last year using that wonderful Vanilla House Four Corners apron pattern . I 'd made a couple earlier and used the Bow Whip to turn the apron ties . ( This is a shot of Rebecca in hers : it 's on ChristmPosted by I just got a call from Austin and Maggie and her running buddy Claire completed their half - marathon ! They were happy with their times - averaged ten minute miles , which was their goal . She said the last two miles were really hilly and really hard . Here 's the happy runner ( happy to have done it and happy to be done ) . Congratulations Maggie and Claire ! My quilt guild holds an annual retreat and I 've made it for the last two years . It 's held at a lovely little spot about 30 miles from home . This year 's retreat is going on right now , and for a number of reasons I wasn 't able to attend . So I decided to have my own retreat , which accounts for me sewing two days in a row . It 's worked well because Paul is in Austin visiting Maggie and Jeff ( and Maggie is currently running a half - marathon - woo - hoo ! Go , Maggie ! ) . The two problems with my personal retreat are that Pearl still needs to be taken outside every now and then and I have to make my own meals ( our quilt guild retreat was held at a center run by Franciscan nuns , who made lovely , healthful meals that appeared three times a day at the sound of a bell ) . Yesterday , when I took Pearl outside , I was struck by the Dr . Seussiness of this snow - covered sedum . ( I hope you note my discretion in not whining about winter or the 2 inches of snow that appeared on the ground overnight . Just rest assured that this isn 't an " isn 't winter lovely ? " blog photo . It 's me laughing at the sheer silliness of snow . . . easier to do when it 's in the 30s . ) It 's likely the sedum struck me as zany , rather than tragic , because I 've been in a silly place , working all day on " Liberated Houses . " I took a terrific class at Common Threads in North Liberty last fall and started making the houses - pictured are the smallest two of seven . Nancy G . taught the class , which I later learned was based on the work of Gwen Marston and Freddy Moran ( I wasn 't able to find her web page , but here 's a fun interview with her on Quilter 's Buzz ) . In Houston , I learned from Mel and Mary Lou that Gwen and Freddy have a book , Collaborative Quilting , that talks about putting together Liberated Houses and other elements . They have a great concept called The Parts Department , which involves making lots of strips and blocks to use when constructing the actual top . So I 'm working on these half - square triangle borders and a variety of trees . I 'm still a bit unclear about how it wiPosted by After some rather stressful work - related meetings and conversations , I decided to give myself an entire day off . It 's a stunning concept and one that needs to be revisited more often in this household . When we moved to Berkeley in the late 1980s , our realtor observed after a day of house hunting that she 'd never seen anyone with the " drive to completion " that I have . ( This was because I insisted on looking at every last house on the market . ) The drive to completion often serves me well . I generally hit deadlines and really crank on things when the end is in sight . That feeling of accomplishment that comes from getting things done is highly satisfying . But lately it 's morphed into working seven days a week , and that 's not healthy for anyone . Paul and I are both trying to remember that there will always be more work to do tomorrow , and that it 's important to step back and just do something else every now and then . So , my something else today was making split pea soup , taking a walk with a friend and Pearl , watching Nick and Norah 's Infinite Playlist ( meh ) , and sewing . My mom gave me a couple of fat quarters when I visited her in January and I 'd seen raves about the Lazy Girl Wonder Wallet , so when I saw the pattern at Home Ec I grabbed it . I made one a weekend or two ago and finished another today . It 's a great pattern : they 're very quick to make and now that I 've made the basic pattern I see all sorts of possibilities for modifying them - different sizes or pocket configurations , for example . The one change I will definitely make is to use a heavier interfacing in the main body of the wallet . I 'm not sure why , but the flap flips up a bit on either side of the button when the flap is closed ( the button is just decorative and hides the stitches that secure the velcro ) . I thought heavier interfacing might help . You may note that I have two sizes of velcro dots - the small one seemed a little too small , so I opted for the larger on the second wallet . I also initially thought I 'd use a metal silver - and - blue button that waPosted by Pearl , Paul , and I watched the terrier group during last night 's Westminster dog show . When the wire fox terrier didn 't make the final cut , Pearl just lay down on the floor and closed her eyes . ( My sister sent a link to a New York Times article about past winners , which said that wire fox terriers were the all - time champs , with 13 wins . ) I had to watch the Scottish terrier take Best in Breed . . . quite a cute little guy , very self - confident . Rebecca wanted a Scotty when she was little , but I had heard they were feisty with kids , so we went for a Westie . Tillie was a great dog and lived to be 15 . Pearl actually started life as a show dog : her name was Cheviot 's Dorretti Swallow ( which was a British sports car ) . There 's a photo of her in a 2006 dog show here . She apparently earned her champion ranking ( or whatever it 's called ) and was retired when she was 20 months old , which is when I got her . For some reason , they didn 't want to breed her . . . probably because she is a squirrel . I should have known . . . I do think much of her squirrely behavior stems from her show - dog lifestyle . Okay , brace yourselves . This post will be corny . And long . But an interview I did today for a future Quilts and More profile reminded me that I 've been meaning to write about some of the friends I 've made through quilting . ( And check out the pattern the pattern for this totally wonderful knitted corn ! ) I know not everyone in quilting world is as wonderful as they seem - not much in life is , I 'm afraid . It 's quite possible that when people talk with me I 'm seeing their most charming selves ; after all , the profiles I write help to publicize their fabric , patterns , or other business . But I can 't tell you the number of times I 've hung up the phone and come into the family room and said to my husband , " I just talked to the coolest person ! " I can tell that some folks are pretty used to being interviewed and have stock responses to the oft - asked questions : Where do you get inspiration ? ( This only means that it 's my job as a journalist to come up with some more thought - provoking questions . ) But with other folks , we just hit it off and an actual conversation ensues . And with quilters that happens about 8 out of 10 times . In November 2007 I got assigned to interview Mary Lou Weidman , a quilter and teacher from Washington State . What should have been one of those 15 to 20 minute interviews stretched into an hour or more . If you know Mary Lou 's quilts at all , you know something about Mary Lou ( those are her quilts on the right ) . She 's funny , warm , and loves lots of color ( three of my favorite qualities ) . But we also connected over the fact that nearly 30 years before her son had had leukemia ( he 's now in his 30s and a parent himself ) and nearly 30 years before I had been a child life specialist , working with pediatric cancer patients . Mary Lou started quilting when her son was sick and her positive outlook is much of what got her through . I hung up the phone , totally energized and so happy to have gotten to chat with her . About a week later I sent her the copy to check over and she wrote back and invited me to room with her at Quilt Market in Houston . I was flabbergasted ! I 'm basically a shy person and my first reaction was " I could never do that ! " Mary Lou offered to show me around Market , to introduce me to her friends , and to go shopping and eat out at great restaurants . The more I thought about it , the more I thought , " I couldn 't NOT do that ! " We corresponded intermittently throughout the year and as October drew closer she mentioned a friend would also be joining us . Now I was really nervous - who was this friend , Mel ? What if she snored more loudly than my husband ? What if we didn 't like each other at all ? We 'd be staying together for days . . . heck , we 'd be sharing a bathroom ! To make a long story slightly shorter , I went , Mary Lou is wonderful and so is Mel ( and she confessed she also wondered why Mary Lou had invited me and worried we wouldn 't get along ) . And they introduced me to many fabulous people . One of my favorites is their good buddy Brenda , who works for Marti Michell ( you should see that Brenda demo a ruler - she 's a whiz ) . It was about business , of course , ( along with teaching and creating patterns , Mary Lou designs fabric for Benartex - - check out Mary Lou 's web site and blog ) . But there was this great , built - in bond . Mel ( she 's in brown , Brenda in green and the quilts are all Mary Lou 's ) worked for years in the garment industry , has written a textbook about fit , and had been to numerous trade shows , so walking the aisles with her gave me lots of insights into the textile business I would otherwise have missed . Mary Lou was generous with her time and contacts and just a lot of fun . Brenda was talented , funny , and friendly . I met lots of other wonderful folks , too , but these three really touched me . When they got together to sew in December in Texas , they even sent me a holiday box of goodies . . . but more on that when I write about tools . At any rate , there are so many people I 've connected with over fabric . My friend , Anne , whose offer to teach me to quilt one weekend literally changed my life ( here we after a day of putting together quilt tops ) , my friends from work with whom I sewed Birdie Slings last weekend , my Scrabble friend Kristin with whom I 've established a new bond through quilting . . . it 's corny , I know , but it goes on and on . And the woman I interviewed today talked about the wonderful women she 's become friends with through sewing and it reminded me to thank the wonderful women I know for the things they 've taught me , the fabric they 've shared , and the pleasure we 've had together over stitching . ( And I know , if I say wonderful one more time , we may all puke . But I 've turned in three stories today and have used up my quota of adjectives . ) It 's been a rough week , and last night , rather than recline on the couch watching my Tivo 'd episode of The Closer , I decided I needed to be upright and doing something . I saw this tutorial for wonky log cabin blocks , as well as Jacquie from Tallgrass Prairie Studio 's Project Improv post . I 'm definitely someone who uses patterns designed by others : they allow me the pleasures of combining fabric , sewing , appreciating construction techniques , etc . I tell myself when I retire I may design my own patterns . But there was something about this that just looked so do - able . Stitch magazine also had instructions for a log cabin pillow , so I took a look at those and started cutting . I knew I wanted to do something with the Birdie sling scraps , and this was it . As someone who 's typically drawn to blues and greens , I 'm a little startled by the way pink and green seems to be sucking me in . . . Pearl checked it out , too ( as well as she could given that she can barely see through all her fur ) . Feisty - sweet Kyra Sedgewick is great , but there 's nothing quite as soothing as foolin ' around in my sewing room . Home Ec Workshop turns out to be a really wonderful place . I knew I liked the yarn and fabric , and Codi , who I 've met through Rebecca , always seemed very warm and friendly . But when I hauled my sewing machine in at 10 : 45 a . m . , there must have been 15 to 20 women sitting in a big circle , knitting . Two guys were behind the counter , cranking out the lattés and cappuccinos and the conversation was flowing . I was a little stunned at the numbers and the energy in the room , but stunned in a good way . My work buddies , Anne and Sondra , arrived and we got to sit along the same side of the room . Here 's a shot of us at our sewing machines . There were six women in the class - the other three were grad students / young moms . It was fun to chat as we shared the cutting tables and truly fabulous industrial iron . It 's always fascinating to see the way fabric choices change a project . Unfortunately I didn 't get a photo of everyone 's bag , but here 's a shot of Anne , me , and Sondra with our nearly completed Birdie slings . We didn 't quite finish in class , but got close . Codi 's personality is perfect for her business - she loves what she 's doing and seems to thrive on all the people around her : she helped when we needed it and stood back and let us go when we didn 't . She 's seemingly never ruffled by customers or chaos : when we didn 't need assistance she 'd go out to the front room and chat with people in the shop and answer their questions . Once she brought back an adorable three - week old babe named Archie for us all to admire . Here she is helping Anne ( who needed very little help , of course ) . Paul ended up having to go back over to the lab , so I sewed until he got home at 7 and finished it up . It 's a big bag - I imagine it more as a summer bag ( you could put your swimming suit and sunscreen and a small towel in there ) . It might also be a nice overnight bag or extra bag for traveling . The fabric is Amy Butler 's Nigella , American Jane 's mini dot in green and Heather Ross 's Mendocino ( which is my favorite - it 's kind ofPosted by After nearly 13 years as a writer and editor at the University of Iowa , I 'm a full time freelancer . I specialize in writing for quilting , sewing , and crafts publications and blogs . I love all things textile - related and my dog Pearl feels the same way . We both delight in fabric and yarn - I like to use it and she likes to roll around in it . Please ask permission before using any photos or text from this blog . Thanks !
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While perusing Fiberarts magazine yesterday , a piece about and by artist Jon Coffelt caught my eye . Coffelt makes small clothes out of cast - off , regular - sized clothing . He makes them for a variety of reasons : his first piece was made when his partner got an ink stain on the pocket of a favorite shirt and he wanted to preserve it for him . He cut the pieces down , re - stitched them by hand , and presented his partner with the small shirt . It was the first of more than 350 pieces of small clothing Coffelt has since constructed . His intention is to reproduce the design and stitching details of the original pieces . There is something so moving about this work . For many of us , fabric memories run deep . I can still find a scrap of a dress my mother sewed for me ( or I for my daughers or even for myself - my 8th grade shift sewn of blue kettlecloth ) and it evokes such strong feelings . The details - pintucks , French cuffs , ruffled hems - are often part of those memories as well . Coffelt worked as a clothing designer , so he 's especially attuned to the nuances of clothing construction . His small clothing pieces serve many functions : to honor a loved one , to assuage grief , to store a memory . In Fiberarts he shares the process and story of recreating a blouse that belonged to a beloved grandmother . Click on his website to see a group of these pieces . I tried to contact Coffelt to ask permission to use the image from his site but the e - mail bounced back . ( The photo above is from the Fiberarts site and photo credit goes to Shawn Boley . ) Pay no attention to the icy sidewalks , the mounds of dirty snow piled along the driveway , the forecast for solid precipitation : the Spring 2009 issue of Quilts and More is hitting the newsstand . Although I 've written for magazines for years I 've always been a little mystified about why magazines put out their December issues in October . I 'm sure it has to do with advertising and getting readers excited about the upcoming seasons and thinking about the perfect thing they 'll need to buy or make . In the case of Quilts and More , the spring issue is so welcome right now : there 's a chance of snow tonight and the cover and so many of the fabrics and projects evoke sunshine and growing things . There are at least three quilts in this issue that I 'd like to make . I interviewed Lisa Shepard Stewart for the issue . Like most of us , she 's smitten by fabric . In particular , she loves African fabric and has written three books of projects that use all kinds of handmade fabrics from Senegal , the Ivory Coast , and Mali . And not only does she quilt - she made her own wedding dress ! I think that 's about the bravest ( and maybe craziest ) thing a person could do : the stakes seem so high it would be easy to feel intimidated . But Lisa didn 't strike me as someone who would be easily cowed . Heck , she told me she 'd recently made a dress to wear to a friend 's party the night before the party . Lisa has a challenge going on her web site to create something using this fabric . Check out the rules at Cultured Expressions . I recently had the fun of " meeting " Monica , the designer of the sweet little mushroom needle case on page 26 in this issue . I 've enjoyed her blog for some time and she 's designed lots of great things for Quilts and More ( including my all - time favorite bag , Pick a Pocket , in the Fall 2008 issue ) and I e - mailed her recently to say hello and ask if I can add her blog , Happy Zombie , to my " roll call " of blogs - hope to get that started next week . In addition to being an obviously fun person ( who admitted she 's a 12 - year - old in a slightlPosted by It was in the 50s today and sunny . I walked home from work , splashing in puddles and slowly removing layers of clothing . By the time I got home , scarf , hat , coat , and gloves were gone and I walked Pearl around the block without a jacket . People were riding bikes , walking dogs and babies , smiling at one another . No butterflies out yet , but this is one I embroidered during college . I worked as a counselor at Camp Northland for Girls on Lake Burntside near Ely , MN ( where I 'd also been a camper ) and it was during the height of the ' 70s embroidery craze ( it was on a par with macrame mania ) . I 've saved this work shirt all these years : alas , my also - embroidered overalls have disappeared . Does anyone else struggle with the " legitimacy " of sewing and quilting ? It may be that I 'm of an age when it was considered " women 's work " and therefore not valued . Actually , I 'm of an age when , for awhile , crafting was considered cool ( as in hippies making macramé plant hangers and patchwork granny skirts : this image is from thankyouforyoursubmission . com , originally from a 1972 book , Macramé Accessories : Patterns and Ideas for Knotting by Dona Z . Meilach ) . But soon after that phase came the 80s , when women en masse had their first real opportunities to don dark suits and sneakers and , briefcase in hand , march to the office every day . At that point , we knew that other women had struggled to make it possible to work in the " real " world and that we should be taking advantage of the opportunities to climb the work - world ladder . And spending time on the " womanly arts " was deemed unimportant , if not downright anti - feminist . While I didn 't follow that path exactly , I have spent the past 12 years in the working world , and much of it in an upward mode . That 's changed in the last couple of years as I 've discovered my true passion and pleasure - writing about textiles , textile artists , quilters , designers - and I 've had the chance to do that writing , at least part time . But there 's still a little corner of me that struggles with the fact that if I tell someone at a cocktail party that I write for quilt magazines I can almost see their eyes glaze over and then search the room for someone who spends their days saving lives , designing wind turbines , or juggling vast quantities of money . All of this is to say that I somehow feel especially sheepish about a class I just took ( and thoroughly enjoyed ) at Home Ec . It was doll making , which might seem about as anti - feminist an activity as they come . The doll on the left above is one I 've had since childhood . The doll on the right is as far as I 've gotten making Louise , a pattern from Hillary Lang of Wee Wonderfuls . She has this incredibly sensible system for delivering her patternPosted by I finally finished binding the pink Sweetie Pie quilt and nearly have the thirties version finished , as well . I gave the pink one to Wendy on Saturday : she wound up being in a class with me in Home Ec on Thursday night and I knew I 'd see her again yesterday when the class reconvened , so it was the perfect push to get it finished ! Wendy has always been so wonderful to my daughter , Maggie , ( they worked together at Prairie Lights ) and I was so happy to be able to give her something for her daughter . I got frustrated binding that quilt , however , because I kept having thread breakage - something I 'd never encountered previously . Still not sure whether it was a flawed spool of thread . . . I use Aurifil for just about everything and love it and have never had a problem . This does remind me of a couple more tools I find invaluable for binding quilts . Thread Heaven comes in a teeny , tiny blue cube and is a wax - like substance I use to coat the thread . It allows me to use long lengths without tangling . I also really like straw needles because they 're flexible , making catching both the binding and quilt back easier . I 've never been a thimble user , but I find the Nimble Thimble does the trick for me . ( I couldn 't find a photo of a hand model with raggedy cuticles and band aids covering the ironing burn , so I was forced to use the one below . ) And everyone knows the trick of holding the binding on with hair clips as you stitch . Finally , I keep all these binding supplies together , along with scissors and a needle threader , in an empty stationary box with a magnetic catch . That way I don 't need to worry about gathering things : I can just grab the box from my sewing room when I 'm ready for binding and head downstairs to the family room for conversation or TV . And the magnetic catch keeps everything from winding up on the floor when I invariably knock it off the coffee table . My mom has always been a lover of gadgets . She worked for a time in a kitchen shop , and she had every kind of peeler , slicer , dicer , and trimmer known to chefs . It was great because she 'd get the low - down on what really worked and then we 'd sometimes get the good ones as gifts . In the past few years she 's given me a few sewing tools that she bought because she was sure she needed them . Unfortunately for her , she 'd get home and already have one . Fortunately for me , I 've been the beneficiary of her duplicate purchases . Most recently I got a Clover mini - iron . I used it for the first time this weekend , when I was making trees to go along with the Liberated Houses . It was really helpful to not have to jump up and down to get to my iron every time I finished a section . There are two other tools I especially like . One is this wonderful stiletto given to me by Mel , Mary Lou , and Brenda . I have to admit when I was in Houston I thought these fancy stilettos were a bit over - the - top . I 'd been using the tip of my seam ripper , which seemed to work just fine . And I kept telling myself I could always just get a plain , ' ol barbecue skewer if I needed to . But when I opened my box of Christmas goodies , one of the items was this wonderful stiletto and I have to say , that very lovely handle makes all the difference . It 's so easy to hold ( and so much easier to see than a plain ' ol barbecue skewer ) and I never have to worry about accidentally poking a hole in something , like I do when I use my circa 1975 turquoise seam ripper . Finally , a tool I 've had since around 1990 , when I took a doll - making class at New Pieces in Berkeley from Elinor Peace Bailey , is the Bow - whip . It 's a really simple tool - - just some tubing and skewers / sticks of three different sizes that you can use to turn tubes right side out after you sew them . Sondra was making aprons last year using that wonderful Vanilla House Four Corners apron pattern . I 'd made a couple earlier and used the Bow Whip to turn the apron ties . ( This is a shot of Rebecca in hers : it 's on ChristmPosted by I just got a call from Austin and Maggie and her running buddy Claire completed their half - marathon ! They were happy with their times - averaged ten minute miles , which was their goal . She said the last two miles were really hilly and really hard . Here 's the happy runner ( happy to have done it and happy to be done ) . Congratulations Maggie and Claire ! My quilt guild holds an annual retreat and I 've made it for the last two years . It 's held at a lovely little spot about 30 miles from home . This year 's retreat is going on right now , and for a number of reasons I wasn 't able to attend . So I decided to have my own retreat , which accounts for me sewing two days in a row . It 's worked well because Paul is in Austin visiting Maggie and Jeff ( and Maggie is currently running a half - marathon - woo - hoo ! Go , Maggie ! ) . The two problems with my personal retreat are that Pearl still needs to be taken outside every now and then and I have to make my own meals ( our quilt guild retreat was held at a center run by Franciscan nuns , who made lovely , healthful meals that appeared three times a day at the sound of a bell ) . Yesterday , when I took Pearl outside , I was struck by the Dr . Seussiness of this snow - covered sedum . ( I hope you note my discretion in not whining about winter or the 2 inches of snow that appeared on the ground overnight . Just rest assured that this isn 't an " isn 't winter lovely ? " blog photo . It 's me laughing at the sheer silliness of snow . . . easier to do when it 's in the 30s . ) It 's likely the sedum struck me as zany , rather than tragic , because I 've been in a silly place , working all day on " Liberated Houses . " I took a terrific class at Common Threads in North Liberty last fall and started making the houses - pictured are the smallest two of seven . Nancy G . taught the class , which I later learned was based on the work of Gwen Marston and Freddy Moran ( I wasn 't able to find her web page , but here 's a fun interview with her on Quilter 's Buzz ) . In Houston , I learned from Mel and Mary Lou that Gwen and Freddy have a book , Collaborative Quilting , that talks about putting together Liberated Houses and other elements . They have a great concept called The Parts Department , which involves making lots of strips and blocks to use when constructing the actual top . So I 'm working on these half - square triangle borders and a variety of trees . I 'm still a bit unclear about how it wiPosted by After some rather stressful work - related meetings and conversations , I decided to give myself an entire day off . It 's a stunning concept and one that needs to be revisited more often in this household . When we moved to Berkeley in the late 1980s , our realtor observed after a day of house hunting that she 'd never seen anyone with the " drive to completion " that I have . ( This was because I insisted on looking at every last house on the market . ) The drive to completion often serves me well . I generally hit deadlines and really crank on things when the end is in sight . That feeling of accomplishment that comes from getting things done is highly satisfying . But lately it 's morphed into working seven days a week , and that 's not healthy for anyone . Paul and I are both trying to remember that there will always be more work to do tomorrow , and that it 's important to step back and just do something else every now and then . So , my something else today was making split pea soup , taking a walk with a friend and Pearl , watching Nick and Norah 's Infinite Playlist ( meh ) , and sewing . My mom gave me a couple of fat quarters when I visited her in January and I 'd seen raves about the Lazy Girl Wonder Wallet , so when I saw the pattern at Home Ec I grabbed it . I made one a weekend or two ago and finished another today . It 's a great pattern : they 're very quick to make and now that I 've made the basic pattern I see all sorts of possibilities for modifying them - different sizes or pocket configurations , for example . The one change I will definitely make is to use a heavier interfacing in the main body of the wallet . I 'm not sure why , but the flap flips up a bit on either side of the button when the flap is closed ( the button is just decorative and hides the stitches that secure the velcro ) . I thought heavier interfacing might help . You may note that I have two sizes of velcro dots - the small one seemed a little too small , so I opted for the larger on the second wallet . I also initially thought I 'd use a metal silver - and - blue button that waPosted by Pearl , Paul , and I watched the terrier group during last night 's Westminster dog show . When the wire fox terrier didn 't make the final cut , Pearl just lay down on the floor and closed her eyes . ( My sister sent a link to a New York Times article about past winners , which said that wire fox terriers were the all - time champs , with 13 wins . ) I had to watch the Scottish terrier take Best in Breed . . . quite a cute little guy , very self - confident . Rebecca wanted a Scotty when she was little , but I had heard they were feisty with kids , so we went for a Westie . Tillie was a great dog and lived to be 15 . Pearl actually started life as a show dog : her name was Cheviot 's Dorretti Swallow ( which was a British sports car ) . There 's a photo of her in a 2006 dog show here . She apparently earned her champion ranking ( or whatever it 's called ) and was retired when she was 20 months old , which is when I got her . For some reason , they didn 't want to breed her . . . probably because she is a squirrel . I should have known . . . I do think much of her squirrely behavior stems from her show - dog lifestyle . Okay , brace yourselves . This post will be corny . And long . But an interview I did today for a future Quilts and More profile reminded me that I 've been meaning to write about some of the friends I 've made through quilting . ( And check out the pattern the pattern for this totally wonderful knitted corn ! ) I know not everyone in quilting world is as wonderful as they seem - not much in life is , I 'm afraid . It 's quite possible that when people talk with me I 'm seeing their most charming selves ; after all , the profiles I write help to publicize their fabric , patterns , or other business . But I can 't tell you the number of times I 've hung up the phone and come into the family room and said to my husband , " I just talked to the coolest person ! " I can tell that some folks are pretty used to being interviewed and have stock responses to the oft - asked questions : Where do you get inspiration ? ( This only means that it 's my job as a journalist to come up with some more thought - provoking questions . ) But with other folks , we just hit it off and an actual conversation ensues . And with quilters that happens about 8 out of 10 times . In November 2007 I got assigned to interview Mary Lou Weidman , a quilter and teacher from Washington State . What should have been one of those 15 to 20 minute interviews stretched into an hour or more . If you know Mary Lou 's quilts at all , you know something about Mary Lou ( those are her quilts on the right ) . She 's funny , warm , and loves lots of color ( three of my favorite qualities ) . But we also connected over the fact that nearly 30 years before her son had had leukemia ( he 's now in his 30s and a parent himself ) and nearly 30 years before I had been a child life specialist , working with pediatric cancer patients . Mary Lou started quilting when her son was sick and her positive outlook is much of what got her through . I hung up the phone , totally energized and so happy to have gotten to chat with her . About a week later I sent her the copy to check over and she wrote back and invited me to room with her at Quilt Market in Houston . I was flabbergasted ! I 'm basically a shy person and my first reaction was " I could never do that ! " Mary Lou offered to show me around Market , to introduce me to her friends , and to go shopping and eat out at great restaurants . The more I thought about it , the more I thought , " I couldn 't NOT do that ! " We corresponded intermittently throughout the year and as October drew closer she mentioned a friend would also be joining us . Now I was really nervous - who was this friend , Mel ? What if she snored more loudly than my husband ? What if we didn 't like each other at all ? We 'd be staying together for days . . . heck , we 'd be sharing a bathroom ! To make a long story slightly shorter , I went , Mary Lou is wonderful and so is Mel ( and she confessed she also wondered why Mary Lou had invited me and worried we wouldn 't get along ) . And they introduced me to many fabulous people . One of my favorites is their good buddy Brenda , who works for Marti Michell ( you should see that Brenda demo a ruler - she 's a whiz ) . It was about business , of course , ( along with teaching and creating patterns , Mary Lou designs fabric for Benartex - - check out Mary Lou 's web site and blog ) . But there was this great , built - in bond . Mel ( she 's in brown , Brenda in green and the quilts are all Mary Lou 's ) worked for years in the garment industry , has written a textbook about fit , and had been to numerous trade shows , so walking the aisles with her gave me lots of insights into the textile business I would otherwise have missed . Mary Lou was generous with her time and contacts and just a lot of fun . Brenda was talented , funny , and friendly . I met lots of other wonderful folks , too , but these three really touched me . When they got together to sew in December in Texas , they even sent me a holiday box of goodies . . . but more on that when I write about tools . At any rate , there are so many people I 've connected with over fabric . My friend , Anne , whose offer to teach me to quilt one weekend literally changed my life ( here we after a day of putting together quilt tops ) , my friends from work with whom I sewed Birdie Slings last weekend , my Scrabble friend Kristin with whom I 've established a new bond through quilting . . . it 's corny , I know , but it goes on and on . And the woman I interviewed today talked about the wonderful women she 's become friends with through sewing and it reminded me to thank the wonderful women I know for the things they 've taught me , the fabric they 've shared , and the pleasure we 've had together over stitching . ( And I know , if I say wonderful one more time , we may all puke . But I 've turned in three stories today and have used up my quota of adjectives . ) It 's been a rough week , and last night , rather than recline on the couch watching my Tivo 'd episode of The Closer , I decided I needed to be upright and doing something . I saw this tutorial for wonky log cabin blocks , as well as Jacquie from Tallgrass Prairie Studio 's Project Improv post . I 'm definitely someone who uses patterns designed by others : they allow me the pleasures of combining fabric , sewing , appreciating construction techniques , etc . I tell myself when I retire I may design my own patterns . But there was something about this that just looked so do - able . Stitch magazine also had instructions for a log cabin pillow , so I took a look at those and started cutting . I knew I wanted to do something with the Birdie sling scraps , and this was it . As someone who 's typically drawn to blues and greens , I 'm a little startled by the way pink and green seems to be sucking me in . . . Pearl checked it out , too ( as well as she could given that she can barely see through all her fur ) . Feisty - sweet Kyra Sedgewick is great , but there 's nothing quite as soothing as foolin ' around in my sewing room . Home Ec Workshop turns out to be a really wonderful place . I knew I liked the yarn and fabric , and Codi , who I 've met through Rebecca , always seemed very warm and friendly . But when I hauled my sewing machine in at 10 : 45 a . m . , there must have been 15 to 20 women sitting in a big circle , knitting . Two guys were behind the counter , cranking out the lattés and cappuccinos and the conversation was flowing . I was a little stunned at the numbers and the energy in the room , but stunned in a good way . My work buddies , Anne and Sondra , arrived and we got to sit along the same side of the room . Here 's a shot of us at our sewing machines . There were six women in the class - the other three were grad students / young moms . It was fun to chat as we shared the cutting tables and truly fabulous industrial iron . It 's always fascinating to see the way fabric choices change a project . Unfortunately I didn 't get a photo of everyone 's bag , but here 's a shot of Anne , me , and Sondra with our nearly completed Birdie slings . We didn 't quite finish in class , but got close . Codi 's personality is perfect for her business - she loves what she 's doing and seems to thrive on all the people around her : she helped when we needed it and stood back and let us go when we didn 't . She 's seemingly never ruffled by customers or chaos : when we didn 't need assistance she 'd go out to the front room and chat with people in the shop and answer their questions . Once she brought back an adorable three - week old babe named Archie for us all to admire . Here she is helping Anne ( who needed very little help , of course ) . Paul ended up having to go back over to the lab , so I sewed until he got home at 7 and finished it up . It 's a big bag - I imagine it more as a summer bag ( you could put your swimming suit and sunscreen and a small towel in there ) . It might also be a nice overnight bag or extra bag for traveling . The fabric is Amy Butler 's Nigella , American Jane 's mini dot in green and Heather Ross 's Mendocino ( which is my favorite - it 's kind ofPosted by After nearly 13 years as a writer and editor at the University of Iowa , I 'm a full time freelancer . I specialize in writing for quilting , sewing , and crafts publications and blogs . I love all things textile - related and my dog Pearl feels the same way . We both delight in fabric and yarn - I like to use it and she likes to roll around in it . Please ask permission before using any photos or text from this blog . Thanks !
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While perusing Fiberarts magazine yesterday , a piece about and by artist Jon Coffelt caught my eye . Coffelt makes small clothes out of cast - off , regular - sized clothing . He makes them for a variety of reasons : his first piece was made when his partner got an ink stain on the pocket of a favorite shirt and he wanted to preserve it for him . He cut the pieces down , re - stitched them by hand , and presented his partner with the small shirt . It was the first of more than 350 pieces of small clothing Coffelt has since constructed . His intention is to reproduce the design and stitching details of the original pieces . There is something so moving about this work . For many of us , fabric memories run deep . I can still find a scrap of a dress my mother sewed for me ( or I for my daughers or even for myself - my 8th grade shift sewn of blue kettlecloth ) and it evokes such strong feelings . The details - pintucks , French cuffs , ruffled hems - are often part of those memories as well . Coffelt worked as a clothing designer , so he 's especially attuned to the nuances of clothing construction . His small clothing pieces serve many functions : to honor a loved one , to assuage grief , to store a memory . In Fiberarts he shares the process and story of recreating a blouse that belonged to a beloved grandmother . Click on his website to see a group of these pieces . I tried to contact Coffelt to ask permission to use the image from his site but the e - mail bounced back . ( The photo above is from the Fiberarts site and photo credit goes to Shawn Boley . ) Pay no attention to the icy sidewalks , the mounds of dirty snow piled along the driveway , the forecast for solid precipitation : the Spring 2009 issue of Quilts and More is hitting the newsstand . Although I 've written for magazines for years I 've always been a little mystified about why magazines put out their December issues in October . I 'm sure it has to do with advertising and getting readers excited about the upcoming seasons and thinking about the perfect thing they 'll need to buy or make . In the case of Quilts and More , the spring issue is so welcome right now : there 's a chance of snow tonight and the cover and so many of the fabrics and projects evoke sunshine and growing things . There are at least three quilts in this issue that I 'd like to make . I interviewed Lisa Shepard Stewart for the issue . Like most of us , she 's smitten by fabric . In particular , she loves African fabric and has written three books of projects that use all kinds of handmade fabrics from Senegal , the Ivory Coast , and Mali . And not only does she quilt - she made her own wedding dress ! I think that 's about the bravest ( and maybe craziest ) thing a person could do : the stakes seem so high it would be easy to feel intimidated . But Lisa didn 't strike me as someone who would be easily cowed . Heck , she told me she 'd recently made a dress to wear to a friend 's party the night before the party . Lisa has a challenge going on her web site to create something using this fabric . Check out the rules at Cultured Expressions . I recently had the fun of " meeting " Monica , the designer of the sweet little mushroom needle case on page 26 in this issue . I 've enjoyed her blog for some time and she 's designed lots of great things for Quilts and More ( including my all - time favorite bag , Pick a Pocket , in the Fall 2008 issue ) and I e - mailed her recently to say hello and ask if I can add her blog , Happy Zombie , to my " roll call " of blogs - hope to get that started next week . In addition to being an obviously fun person ( who admitted she 's a 12 - year - old in a slightlPosted by It was in the 50s today and sunny . I walked home from work , splashing in puddles and slowly removing layers of clothing . By the time I got home , scarf , hat , coat , and gloves were gone and I walked Pearl around the block without a jacket . People were riding bikes , walking dogs and babies , smiling at one another . No butterflies out yet , but this is one I embroidered during college . I worked as a counselor at Camp Northland for Girls on Lake Burntside near Ely , MN ( where I 'd also been a camper ) and it was during the height of the ' 70s embroidery craze ( it was on a par with macrame mania ) . I 've saved this work shirt all these years : alas , my also - embroidered overalls have disappeared . Does anyone else struggle with the " legitimacy " of sewing and quilting ? It may be that I 'm of an age when it was considered " women 's work " and therefore not valued . Actually , I 'm of an age when , for awhile , crafting was considered cool ( as in hippies making macramé plant hangers and patchwork granny skirts : this image is from thankyouforyoursubmission . com , originally from a 1972 book , Macramé Accessories : Patterns and Ideas for Knotting by Dona Z . Meilach ) . But soon after that phase came the 80s , when women en masse had their first real opportunities to don dark suits and sneakers and , briefcase in hand , march to the office every day . At that point , we knew that other women had struggled to make it possible to work in the " real " world and that we should be taking advantage of the opportunities to climb the work - world ladder . And spending time on the " womanly arts " was deemed unimportant , if not downright anti - feminist . While I didn 't follow that path exactly , I have spent the past 12 years in the working world , and much of it in an upward mode . That 's changed in the last couple of years as I 've discovered my true passion and pleasure - writing about textiles , textile artists , quilters , designers - and I 've had the chance to do that writing , at least part time . But there 's still a little corner of me that struggles with the fact that if I tell someone at a cocktail party that I write for quilt magazines I can almost see their eyes glaze over and then search the room for someone who spends their days saving lives , designing wind turbines , or juggling vast quantities of money . All of this is to say that I somehow feel especially sheepish about a class I just took ( and thoroughly enjoyed ) at Home Ec . It was doll making , which might seem about as anti - feminist an activity as they come . The doll on the left above is one I 've had since childhood . The doll on the right is as far as I 've gotten making Louise , a pattern from Hillary Lang of Wee Wonderfuls . She has this incredibly sensible system for delivering her patternPosted by I finally finished binding the pink Sweetie Pie quilt and nearly have the thirties version finished , as well . I gave the pink one to Wendy on Saturday : she wound up being in a class with me in Home Ec on Thursday night and I knew I 'd see her again yesterday when the class reconvened , so it was the perfect push to get it finished ! Wendy has always been so wonderful to my daughter , Maggie , ( they worked together at Prairie Lights ) and I was so happy to be able to give her something for her daughter . I got frustrated binding that quilt , however , because I kept having thread breakage - something I 'd never encountered previously . Still not sure whether it was a flawed spool of thread . . . I use Aurifil for just about everything and love it and have never had a problem . This does remind me of a couple more tools I find invaluable for binding quilts . Thread Heaven comes in a teeny , tiny blue cube and is a wax - like substance I use to coat the thread . It allows me to use long lengths without tangling . I also really like straw needles because they 're flexible , making catching both the binding and quilt back easier . I 've never been a thimble user , but I find the Nimble Thimble does the trick for me . ( I couldn 't find a photo of a hand model with raggedy cuticles and band aids covering the ironing burn , so I was forced to use the one below . ) And everyone knows the trick of holding the binding on with hair clips as you stitch . Finally , I keep all these binding supplies together , along with scissors and a needle threader , in an empty stationary box with a magnetic catch . That way I don 't need to worry about gathering things : I can just grab the box from my sewing room when I 'm ready for binding and head downstairs to the family room for conversation or TV . And the magnetic catch keeps everything from winding up on the floor when I invariably knock it off the coffee table . My mom has always been a lover of gadgets . She worked for a time in a kitchen shop , and she had every kind of peeler , slicer , dicer , and trimmer known to chefs . It was great because she 'd get the low - down on what really worked and then we 'd sometimes get the good ones as gifts . In the past few years she 's given me a few sewing tools that she bought because she was sure she needed them . Unfortunately for her , she 'd get home and already have one . Fortunately for me , I 've been the beneficiary of her duplicate purchases . Most recently I got a Clover mini - iron . I used it for the first time this weekend , when I was making trees to go along with the Liberated Houses . It was really helpful to not have to jump up and down to get to my iron every time I finished a section . There are two other tools I especially like . One is this wonderful stiletto given to me by Mel , Mary Lou , and Brenda . I have to admit when I was in Houston I thought these fancy stilettos were a bit over - the - top . I 'd been using the tip of my seam ripper , which seemed to work just fine . And I kept telling myself I could always just get a plain , ' ol barbecue skewer if I needed to . But when I opened my box of Christmas goodies , one of the items was this wonderful stiletto and I have to say , that very lovely handle makes all the difference . It 's so easy to hold ( and so much easier to see than a plain ' ol barbecue skewer ) and I never have to worry about accidentally poking a hole in something , like I do when I use my circa 1975 turquoise seam ripper . Finally , a tool I 've had since around 1990 , when I took a doll - making class at New Pieces in Berkeley from Elinor Peace Bailey , is the Bow - whip . It 's a really simple tool - - just some tubing and skewers / sticks of three different sizes that you can use to turn tubes right side out after you sew them . Sondra was making aprons last year using that wonderful Vanilla House Four Corners apron pattern . I 'd made a couple earlier and used the Bow Whip to turn the apron ties . ( This is a shot of Rebecca in hers : it 's on ChristmPosted by I just got a call from Austin and Maggie and her running buddy Claire completed their half - marathon ! They were happy with their times - averaged ten minute miles , which was their goal . She said the last two miles were really hilly and really hard . Here 's the happy runner ( happy to have done it and happy to be done ) . Congratulations Maggie and Claire ! My quilt guild holds an annual retreat and I 've made it for the last two years . It 's held at a lovely little spot about 30 miles from home . This year 's retreat is going on right now , and for a number of reasons I wasn 't able to attend . So I decided to have my own retreat , which accounts for me sewing two days in a row . It 's worked well because Paul is in Austin visiting Maggie and Jeff ( and Maggie is currently running a half - marathon - woo - hoo ! Go , Maggie ! ) . The two problems with my personal retreat are that Pearl still needs to be taken outside every now and then and I have to make my own meals ( our quilt guild retreat was held at a center run by Franciscan nuns , who made lovely , healthful meals that appeared three times a day at the sound of a bell ) . Yesterday , when I took Pearl outside , I was struck by the Dr . Seussiness of this snow - covered sedum . ( I hope you note my discretion in not whining about winter or the 2 inches of snow that appeared on the ground overnight . Just rest assured that this isn 't an " isn 't winter lovely ? " blog photo . It 's me laughing at the sheer silliness of snow . . . easier to do when it 's in the 30s . ) It 's likely the sedum struck me as zany , rather than tragic , because I 've been in a silly place , working all day on " Liberated Houses . " I took a terrific class at Common Threads in North Liberty last fall and started making the houses - pictured are the smallest two of seven . Nancy G . taught the class , which I later learned was based on the work of Gwen Marston and Freddy Moran ( I wasn 't able to find her web page , but here 's a fun interview with her on Quilter 's Buzz ) . In Houston , I learned from Mel and Mary Lou that Gwen and Freddy have a book , Collaborative Quilting , that talks about putting together Liberated Houses and other elements . They have a great concept called The Parts Department , which involves making lots of strips and blocks to use when constructing the actual top . So I 'm working on these half - square triangle borders and a variety of trees . I 'm still a bit unclear about how it wiPosted by After some rather stressful work - related meetings and conversations , I decided to give myself an entire day off . It 's a stunning concept and one that needs to be revisited more often in this household . When we moved to Berkeley in the late 1980s , our realtor observed after a day of house hunting that she 'd never seen anyone with the " drive to completion " that I have . ( This was because I insisted on looking at every last house on the market . ) The drive to completion often serves me well . I generally hit deadlines and really crank on things when the end is in sight . That feeling of accomplishment that comes from getting things done is highly satisfying . But lately it 's morphed into working seven days a week , and that 's not healthy for anyone . Paul and I are both trying to remember that there will always be more work to do tomorrow , and that it 's important to step back and just do something else every now and then . So , my something else today was making split pea soup , taking a walk with a friend and Pearl , watching Nick and Norah 's Infinite Playlist ( meh ) , and sewing . My mom gave me a couple of fat quarters when I visited her in January and I 'd seen raves about the Lazy Girl Wonder Wallet , so when I saw the pattern at Home Ec I grabbed it . I made one a weekend or two ago and finished another today . It 's a great pattern : they 're very quick to make and now that I 've made the basic pattern I see all sorts of possibilities for modifying them - different sizes or pocket configurations , for example . The one change I will definitely make is to use a heavier interfacing in the main body of the wallet . I 'm not sure why , but the flap flips up a bit on either side of the button when the flap is closed ( the button is just decorative and hides the stitches that secure the velcro ) . I thought heavier interfacing might help . You may note that I have two sizes of velcro dots - the small one seemed a little too small , so I opted for the larger on the second wallet . I also initially thought I 'd use a metal silver - and - blue button that waPosted by Pearl , Paul , and I watched the terrier group during last night 's Westminster dog show . When the wire fox terrier didn 't make the final cut , Pearl just lay down on the floor and closed her eyes . ( My sister sent a link to a New York Times article about past winners , which said that wire fox terriers were the all - time champs , with 13 wins . ) I had to watch the Scottish terrier take Best in Breed . . . quite a cute little guy , very self - confident . Rebecca wanted a Scotty when she was little , but I had heard they were feisty with kids , so we went for a Westie . Tillie was a great dog and lived to be 15 . Pearl actually started life as a show dog : her name was Cheviot 's Dorretti Swallow ( which was a British sports car ) . There 's a photo of her in a 2006 dog show here . She apparently earned her champion ranking ( or whatever it 's called ) and was retired when she was 20 months old , which is when I got her . For some reason , they didn 't want to breed her . . . probably because she is a squirrel . I should have known . . . I do think much of her squirrely behavior stems from her show - dog lifestyle . Okay , brace yourselves . This post will be corny . And long . But an interview I did today for a future Quilts and More profile reminded me that I 've been meaning to write about some of the friends I 've made through quilting . ( And check out the pattern the pattern for this totally wonderful knitted corn ! ) I know not everyone in quilting world is as wonderful as they seem - not much in life is , I 'm afraid . It 's quite possible that when people talk with me I 'm seeing their most charming selves ; after all , the profiles I write help to publicize their fabric , patterns , or other business . But I can 't tell you the number of times I 've hung up the phone and come into the family room and said to my husband , " I just talked to the coolest person ! " I can tell that some folks are pretty used to being interviewed and have stock responses to the oft - asked questions : Where do you get inspiration ? ( This only means that it 's my job as a journalist to come up with some more thought - provoking questions . ) But with other folks , we just hit it off and an actual conversation ensues . And with quilters that happens about 8 out of 10 times . In November 2007 I got assigned to interview Mary Lou Weidman , a quilter and teacher from Washington State . What should have been one of those 15 to 20 minute interviews stretched into an hour or more . If you know Mary Lou 's quilts at all , you know something about Mary Lou ( those are her quilts on the right ) . She 's funny , warm , and loves lots of color ( three of my favorite qualities ) . But we also connected over the fact that nearly 30 years before her son had had leukemia ( he 's now in his 30s and a parent himself ) and nearly 30 years before I had been a child life specialist , working with pediatric cancer patients . Mary Lou started quilting when her son was sick and her positive outlook is much of what got her through . I hung up the phone , totally energized and so happy to have gotten to chat with her . About a week later I sent her the copy to check over and she wrote back and invited me to room with her at Quilt Market in Houston . I was flabbergasted ! I 'm basically a shy person and my first reaction was " I could never do that ! " Mary Lou offered to show me around Market , to introduce me to her friends , and to go shopping and eat out at great restaurants . The more I thought about it , the more I thought , " I couldn 't NOT do that ! " We corresponded intermittently throughout the year and as October drew closer she mentioned a friend would also be joining us . Now I was really nervous - who was this friend , Mel ? What if she snored more loudly than my husband ? What if we didn 't like each other at all ? We 'd be staying together for days . . . heck , we 'd be sharing a bathroom ! To make a long story slightly shorter , I went , Mary Lou is wonderful and so is Mel ( and she confessed she also wondered why Mary Lou had invited me and worried we wouldn 't get along ) . And they introduced me to many fabulous people . One of my favorites is their good buddy Brenda , who works for Marti Michell ( you should see that Brenda demo a ruler - she 's a whiz ) . It was about business , of course , ( along with teaching and creating patterns , Mary Lou designs fabric for Benartex - - check out Mary Lou 's web site and blog ) . But there was this great , built - in bond . Mel ( she 's in brown , Brenda in green and the quilts are all Mary Lou 's ) worked for years in the garment industry , has written a textbook about fit , and had been to numerous trade shows , so walking the aisles with her gave me lots of insights into the textile business I would otherwise have missed . Mary Lou was generous with her time and contacts and just a lot of fun . Brenda was talented , funny , and friendly . I met lots of other wonderful folks , too , but these three really touched me . When they got together to sew in December in Texas , they even sent me a holiday box of goodies . . . but more on that when I write about tools . At any rate , there are so many people I 've connected with over fabric . My friend , Anne , whose offer to teach me to quilt one weekend literally changed my life ( here we after a day of putting together quilt tops ) , my friends from work with whom I sewed Birdie Slings last weekend , my Scrabble friend Kristin with whom I 've established a new bond through quilting . . . it 's corny , I know , but it goes on and on . And the woman I interviewed today talked about the wonderful women she 's become friends with through sewing and it reminded me to thank the wonderful women I know for the things they 've taught me , the fabric they 've shared , and the pleasure we 've had together over stitching . ( And I know , if I say wonderful one more time , we may all puke . But I 've turned in three stories today and have used up my quota of adjectives . ) It 's been a rough week , and last night , rather than recline on the couch watching my Tivo 'd episode of The Closer , I decided I needed to be upright and doing something . I saw this tutorial for wonky log cabin blocks , as well as Jacquie from Tallgrass Prairie Studio 's Project Improv post . I 'm definitely someone who uses patterns designed by others : they allow me the pleasures of combining fabric , sewing , appreciating construction techniques , etc . I tell myself when I retire I may design my own patterns . But there was something about this that just looked so do - able . Stitch magazine also had instructions for a log cabin pillow , so I took a look at those and started cutting . I knew I wanted to do something with the Birdie sling scraps , and this was it . As someone who 's typically drawn to blues and greens , I 'm a little startled by the way pink and green seems to be sucking me in . . . Pearl checked it out , too ( as well as she could given that she can barely see through all her fur ) . Feisty - sweet Kyra Sedgewick is great , but there 's nothing quite as soothing as foolin ' around in my sewing room . Home Ec Workshop turns out to be a really wonderful place . I knew I liked the yarn and fabric , and Codi , who I 've met through Rebecca , always seemed very warm and friendly . But when I hauled my sewing machine in at 10 : 45 a . m . , there must have been 15 to 20 women sitting in a big circle , knitting . Two guys were behind the counter , cranking out the lattés and cappuccinos and the conversation was flowing . I was a little stunned at the numbers and the energy in the room , but stunned in a good way . My work buddies , Anne and Sondra , arrived and we got to sit along the same side of the room . Here 's a shot of us at our sewing machines . There were six women in the class - the other three were grad students / young moms . It was fun to chat as we shared the cutting tables and truly fabulous industrial iron . It 's always fascinating to see the way fabric choices change a project . Unfortunately I didn 't get a photo of everyone 's bag , but here 's a shot of Anne , me , and Sondra with our nearly completed Birdie slings . We didn 't quite finish in class , but got close . Codi 's personality is perfect for her business - she loves what she 's doing and seems to thrive on all the people around her : she helped when we needed it and stood back and let us go when we didn 't . She 's seemingly never ruffled by customers or chaos : when we didn 't need assistance she 'd go out to the front room and chat with people in the shop and answer their questions . Once she brought back an adorable three - week old babe named Archie for us all to admire . Here she is helping Anne ( who needed very little help , of course ) . Paul ended up having to go back over to the lab , so I sewed until he got home at 7 and finished it up . It 's a big bag - I imagine it more as a summer bag ( you could put your swimming suit and sunscreen and a small towel in there ) . It might also be a nice overnight bag or extra bag for traveling . The fabric is Amy Butler 's Nigella , American Jane 's mini dot in green and Heather Ross 's Mendocino ( which is my favorite - it 's kind ofPosted by After nearly 13 years as a writer and editor at the University of Iowa , I 'm a full time freelancer . I specialize in writing for quilting , sewing , and crafts publications and blogs . I love all things textile - related and my dog Pearl feels the same way . We both delight in fabric and yarn - I like to use it and she likes to roll around in it . Please ask permission before using any photos or text from this blog . Thanks !
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You may have heard that there is a new series out on A & E called " Born This Way " . This show features adults in their 20 's and 30 's who have Down syndrome . It 's a reality show that is trying to highlight all that adults with Down syndrome can do , as well as the obstacles they face . It shows their relationships , work and how they live their lives . Going into this show , I had mixed feelings . It can be hard and scary to see adults with Down syndrome , because sometimes when I see them , I actually see Down syndrome . I see the obstacles and limitations they face rather than seeing who they really are . In some ways I 'm ashamed to admit this , but it seems as though a number of other parents who 's children are Asher 's age feel the same way , so I 'm going to put it out there because it 's real . This doesn 't mean that I don 't accept him for who he is , it just means that from time to time I may struggle with the realities of his diagnosis . It doesn 't change my love for him and who he is or my acceptance of him exactly the way he is because without that extra chromosome he would lose some of what makes him Asher . It just means that as he grows and changes we will face new and different accomplishments and obstacles that we will have to jump over . So from the first episode this is what I gathered and felt : joy and hope mixed with some sadness . The young adults featured were funny , witty and ambitious . They had much of the same hopes and dreams as any young adult . Yet , it was noticeable that while they all spoke quite well , they all had speech impediments ( I 'm not sure if that 's still the politically correct word , so my apologies if I offend ) . I feel like when one doesn 't have clear speech or speaks more slowly , an assumption about their intelligence is immediately made about them . If someone has poor grammar we are quick to label them as uneducated , if someone speaks clearly and eloquently , then the opposite is assumed . It saddens me that Asher might be judged on how his words sound vs what he is saying . Or maybe I am just looking in a mirror and facing my own judgements that I am quick to make . . . That beings said , I LOVED watching them sit around at their center having a deep and intellectual conversation about the word and diagnosis of Down syndrome . What it means to them and the choices that their parents made when topics like abortion were brought up in the case of prenatal diagnosis . I actually loved that they knew their stories , both the good and tough . I loved that several of them stated that they love who they are Down syndrome and all . I love that they don 't let it define them and I love that one even said she doesn 't know if she would change that about herself if she had the chance . Oh how I want to foster that love and self acceptance in my little boy and I know that starts with me . My heart hurt for Elena as her mom admitted that it took 20 years to fully accept Elena as she is because she was born in Japan where it is a disgrace to have a child with a disability . And now Elena struggles to even hear the words Down syndrome because she doesn 't know why God " gave it to ( her ) " . This is a huge lesson for me as a parent . I will from now on be so careful to never let Asher know if I am struggling with part of his diagnosis , whether that be fear or some other feeling . Down syndrome will not be an unspoken word in our household , but it will also not be the focus of our household . It will just be a part of who Asher is . Lastly , I learned that I need to put away my own fears for the future . There have been times ( more when he was really little and his delays weren 't apparent yet ) that I didn 't feel ready to go to certain events where there would be individuals of all ages and all abilities because I didn 't want to have to face the parts of the future that scared me or were harder for me to see . But , after watching this episode and learning how important it is for him to have peers like him , I need to put that aside because not going to events to spare my feelings and avoid my fears is selfish . I will make a great effort to become more involved ( when time allows ) in events that highlight all ages , not just children that are his age . I 'm sure as I watch the rest of the show each week that it airs , I will have new thoughts and feelings . I want to reiterate , when I look at Asher I don 't see Down syndrome . I just see my son . Yes , when lined up next to Lucas I do see where he is delayed , but at the same time it just seems like where he is supposed to be . If he 's on a timeline it 's only because I put him there . I am so thankful to be his mama and I wouldn 't change him for the world . This post is just about the fears that I face when thinking about his future because in watching this show , I had to stare it in the face . I think that if you can watch it , watch it . Get to know the people under the diagnosis and don 't limit those in your own lives who have disabilities . Wraps come in various sizes and materials . There are stretchy wraps and woven wraps and then there are wraps that are a hybrid of the two . When I first learned about wrapping , I started hearing people refer to " legacy wraps " . This is basically a wrap that has some sort of significance for you . It might be a wrap that came out on a baby 's birth date or birth month or it might be something different . For me , it was an adoption wrap called " chosen " . On this wrap there are two hearts batiked onto the fabric . One little heart coming into the big heart , just like the little hearts of my children have come into my heart . I loved everything about it , but I held off and didn 't buy it for a number of reasons . But that wrap has never left my mind . You may wonder what the big deal is . It 's just a wrap and our wrapping days are limited . But this is why it held importance to me . You may remember me writing about trying to induce lactation to breastfeed my babies and how it didn 't work out the way I had hoped and planned . Because nursing didn 't work out , baby wearing became my " nursing " . It bonded me to my babies by keeping them close against my body . It soothed them when nothing else would and has made parenting in general so much easier . Now that they are bigger , Lucas will bring my a wrap or carrier for me to put him on my back for some " uppies " and mommy snuggles . Most days this is how Asher goes down for a nap . It is so special to be able to wear my babies and to have a wrap that has as much emotional significance as wrapping itself means so much to me . As we exit October and enter November we also leave behind Down syndrome Awareness Month and enter into National Adoption Month . If you have been following my blog long , you know what adoption means to us and our family . You know that it has brought us more joy than imaginable and you also know that has been the greatest gift we have ever received . But something you may not know is that it also brings grief . First and foremost it brings grief to the strong women / couples that choose to voluntarily place their child ( ren ) for adoption to give them more . Placing a child for adoption is a choice , but just because it 's a choice does not mean that it doesn 't come with pain . Open adoption can alleviate some of that pain by allowing birth parents to be part of their child 's life through pictures and visits , allowing them to watch their child grow and thrive and to see that their child is indeed loved and feels loved . I know Asher and Lucas ' Mama Kate hurts from time to time all while being at peace with her decision . It 's complicated and beautiful and painful . Adoptive parents grieve . I 'm not talking about the grief that we face of the dream we originally had of growing our family through the process of pregnancy and biology and looking into a child 's face to figure out who they look like , even though that grief is very real . Whenever you have to let one dream die to allow another to begin it brings grief . But the grief that I am referencing here is the grief we feel for both our child 's birthparents and our children themselves . We grieve for their birthparents knowing that we have the opportunity to be mommy and daddy and raise the child that they love just as much as we do . We grieve for the process that they have gone through , the pain of coming to the decision to place , the signing of the papers , going home without their child , and then not being with their child each and every day , watching them grow . We grieve for our children and the complex emotions they will face as they grow . As they begin to process their story , when they struggle with the why 's , when they miss their birthparents and when people unknowingly make insensitive comments . For those that have been adopted out of foster care or from an orphanage setting , we also grieve for their past . What they experienced at such a young age , the years they spent not having a family of their own , and the years that we as their parents missed out on . Lastly , children who have been adopted grieve . They grieve the loss of their first families . Some get to know their first families through open adoption , other 's don 't have any information on their first families and feel that hole in their story . Regardless of the reasons they were placed for adoption , these children grieve because adoption comes with loss . This is something we will learn more about as our children grow and get older . You have such an amazing adventure ahead of you ! Enjoy every moment . Everyone is right when they say it goes fast . I know that you are so excited about the possibility of starting a family and how you begrudge it when someone tells you how young you are . I also know that you know that starting that family might not be so easy and it won 't be , but maybe a few of these words will make it easier . You have an amazing husband and God is going to give you some incredible years to share with just him before He gives you the gift of children . I know that right now you don 't think you need those years and you even think that you don 't want all of those years , but believe me when I say you will look back and be thankful for that time . God is going to call you to some amazing places , you will meet some amazing people and He will do awesome things in your marriage , if you let Him . Know that you WILL become a mom , and it will be the most rewarding thing you have ever done in your life , but until then you CAN be happy and fulfilled and you CAN make the most of every opportunity placed before you . Don 't go into that dark place of depression that steals your hope and joy , instead know and trust that your day is coming and it will be beautiful . God is planning something great and great things need time . I know you see others starting families . Some of them got married at the same time or after you , some of them weren 't planned and it 's hard to watch and wait and wonder why it 's their time and not yours . Just know , that age that you thought was " old " for starting a family , really isn 't that old and your children will change your relationship with your husband and friends forever in ways you may not expect right now . Take this time , build a strong foundation and set the best example that you possibly can for your children or you might find that you wish you would have focused on this a bit more . If you could see your future kids , you would know without a shadow of a doubt that they are so worth the wait ! I think you would also know why God is taking so long to prepare you . They really are special . Even though you hate hearing it , you ARE young and you have the world ahead of you . You will someday look back and wish you could go see the world and how others live at the drop of a hat without thinking about how it will impact those little people that you trying to raise into exceptional adults . Now don 't get me wrong , you won 't feel as though your children are keeping you from doing these things , you just might wish you had gone and done and seen more because one day it won 't be quite as easy . Not impossible , but just not as easy . You will enter into a new phase of life that holds different treasures , but don 't wish this time away . This time is part of your life and your story . This time is beautiful and embrace it in all of it 's beauty . Go ahead and cry tears of frustration that you have to wait longer than others , but then move forward and choose happiness because one day it won 't matter that your children took a little longer to come to you . It will just matter that God chose you to be their mom . Being Asher 's mom has and will continue to change me . In case you are new to our story , Asher has Down syndrome . I never envisioned myself as a " special needs parent " . In fact , that was something I feared . When you have a child with special needs you stand out , which is something that I enjoy less and less the older I get . Advocating for my child doesn 't come naturally to me , yet it 's part of my role now and I do it for him . Not everyone notices at this point that Asher has Down syndrome . They see that he is cute , if they ask his age they might be able to see that he is delayed , but I am rarely asked if he has Down syndrome and people don 't stare yet because if it . Right now they stare because I have two children under 2 and they are trying to figure out if they are twins or not or because I look frazzled like many moms of young children do . Asher really is a light in our family . He brings joy with his smiles and giggles . He brings celebration with every milestone he works so hard to meet . His normally relaxed personality is in stark contrast to Lucas ' higher strung , busier personality . He loves to give hugs and kisses , be held and loved on . He is really perfect in so many ways . He makes me see the world differently . He makes me more aware of other parents and children with special needs . Creating a special bond between us immediately upon meeting . He makes me slow down and not rush milestones and development , knowing that he will get there in his time , not according to a table or chart . He brings out a passion in me to fight for him and his rights even when it 's uncomfortable and may lead to making tough choices . He also makes me fear for his future , how will he be treated and what happens when one of us isn 't there to " protect " him . He opens my mind to how someone can be so valuable to those around them that other 's might not see as being able to contribute to society and how God can truly use anyone , regardless of their ability or disability . He shows me how blessed I am to have him as my tour guide on a journey that I feared and wasn 't sure I wanted to take . When we were deciding whether or not we wanted to be considered as potential parents to adopt Asher and Lucas , I was so afraid of the far off future . God kept telling me that I couldn 't focus just on that , but it was hard . I was afraid that Asher being a member of our family might mean that we would have to alter travel and vacation plans , that we might not be able to serve in international missions again if that was part of God 's plan , and that Elias and I might not get to enjoy our retirement years as a couple because he would always be dependent on us . I . was . so . silly . Now I have learned that Asher has an amazingly bright future . We will travel and vacation to the same places that we would have if he was typical . If God calls us back to international missions , he will come and be a light and probably reach people in a way that we would be unable to without him . I now know that he can go to college ( if he wants ) and live semi independently with other adults with developmental disabilities and possibly even get married ( if he wants ) . But now I want that for HIM not so that Elias and I can enjoy the freedom of retirement . He has changed my heart and I want so much for him and his future ! Each night that I am home , I sign him my favorite song for him as he falls asleep in my arms and I know that I am blessed to be Asher 's mom . 3 . Get clean dish water drawn with clean dishes for Lucas to " wash " . 4 . Get Lucas set up on chair to " wash " dishes at the sink . 5 . Wash cucumbers and beginning slicing . 6 . Asher decides that he too wants to " wash " dishes . 7 . Get another dishpan with soap , water and clean dishes to put on a towel on the floor . 8 . Continue slicing . 9 . Lucas no longer wants to wash his dishes , he wants to wash Asher 's dishes . Help Lucas off of the chair to play in the water on the floor . 10 . Baby gate the children into the kitchen to keep soggy toddlers contained to hard surfaces . 11 . Lucas dumps water all over the floor , grab 3 more towels to dry the pond that has now formed on the kitchen floor . 12 . Finish slicing cucumbers only to find out that they need to be salted and sit for 90 minutes . 13 . Clean up all the dishwashing activities , get towels in the wash , return baby gates to their proper stations . 14 . Realize 30 minutes later that salted cucumbers should be covered and chilled . 15 . Write this post while I wait for cucumbers to be ready to be pickled . 16 . Finish the project tomorrow . 1 . I never knew how much a mom truly loves her child and how much my mom truly loves me . I could not have imagined the depth of the love that I feel for my boys . 2 . That that intense love is only a fraction of how much God in turn loves me . If I had truly understood this while going through infertility , I still would have hurt , but maybe my perspective would have been different . 3 . Love is not dependent on genetics . For every person who has said " I couldn 't do that " when referring to adoption , let me reassure you , the love I feel for my children is no different than what you feel for yours . 4 . Even despite this incredible love , there are still hard days and hard moments . Every child has moments that make their parents want to pull there hair out , yet our love for them doesn 't change . 5 . Just like more than one mom can love a child , a child can love more than one mom . Open adoption has it 's complexities , but loving more than one mom doesn 't have to be as complicated as we as adults make it . 6 . There are days that I have thought how " easy " it would be to have only one child , but that 's not really true . If Asher was my only child , I would probably think that parenthood was easier than people make it sound . If Lucas was my only child , I would still think that it 's as hard as people make it out to be . Each child is unique with their own personalities . Asher is laid back and fairly easy going most of the time , Lucas is strong willed a bit more needy . They are both adorable and happy most of the time , both have unique , sweet personalities and they both have traits that can try my patience . What I find difficult in one child , might turn out to be their greatest strength . 7 . I feel as though God created me to a mother . In many ways , I feel as though it completes me . That being said , I need to learn how to be completely content in God , outside of that role as I really don 't need anything other than Him to be complete . 8 . I would love to have more children , but I don 't HAVE to have more children . I can be happy and our family can be complete as it is . Infertility is still a part of me , but it no longer consumes and controls me , it no longer defines me . In the past year I finished working as an office assistant and began working as a personal care aide for an elderly woman in addition to my massage practice . The hours are a much better fit for our family and allow me to be home during the day to take the boys to checkups , Asher 's extra appointments with specialists as well as be home for all of Asher 's therapies which we now do 4 times a week in our home . I am also now a trained massage doula ( pregnancy , birth and labor support person ) , which is something I 'm very excited about . Lucas never stops moving . He walks and runs like he 's been doing it forever . He has become a little more snuggly again which is nice since he wanted nothing to do with sitting and snuggling for awhile . He is signing and starting to say more and more words , claps for himself if he does something he is proud of and is very smart . He is still dramatic yet very charming and loves to give me kisses and bring toys to Asher when he is not pushing him over . Asher still has his same sweet demeanor , but he is beginning to learn that he can be assertive and demanding when he wants to to communicate his needs . He crawls all over the house , really enjoying playing in the dog water and trying to eat the dog food . Sometimes he chases Lucas around and other times he just does his own thing . He eats everything ( including sand and coupons ) and is trying so hard to pull himself up . If an object , or person , is just he right height he can do it , which makes him very proud . He loves to smile and giggle as well as steal Lucas ' wubbanub and pull his hair . Both of the boys love pushing cars around and they are starting to actually play together more and more which is really fun to see . Lucas loves pools and water , no matter how deep or much he is shivering whereas Asher loves bath tubs and kiddy pools that are warm and that he can crawl around in . Right now we are taking parent and tot swimming lessons and having a blast doing it ! Scrumpy has done surprisingly well and has mellowed out over the past year when it comes to tolerating the boys . He didn 't love it when Lucas started crawling , but now the boys crawl on him and pet him and he just gets up and leaves if he doesn 't like it . We are really proud and really thankful for how well he has done since he traditionally has not liked children . Going out to eat is a new challenge that we don 't tackle very ofter as Lucas is very picky and very active and Asher isn 't a fan of missing out on the action either . Traveling in the car for long distances is also tough for the same reasons as above . We are always tired and always busy , but we are so in love and wouldn 't have it any other way . Twins are definitely a lot of work , but they are so much fun . I love that they always have a playmate and another child around . I also love when I get home and they squeal and come over to me , then I sit down on the floor and they climb all over me , fighting for attention ( Scrumpy included ) . Our life is chaotic , but it 's a perfect kind of chaos . All too often , I am told how " lucky " my children are to have us . While this is often well intentioned and comes from a place of not understanding all of the reasons that women place children for adoption , it can be so detrimental to children . Adoption is beautiful , but it can also be confusing and messy . At some point , my boys will have to begin processing adoption , why they were placed for adoption , how they feel about that and likely grieve over not living with their birth family . Any time a child has to process complex emotions , they shouldn 't be considered " lucky " . We wouldn 't say that to a child that has to process a parent 's divorce or death would we ? To tell a child that they are " lucky " to have been adopted implies that they wouldn 't have been " lucky " to live with their birth family and that they would have somehow had a terrible life or at least a worse life than they are currently living . Some adoptive parents even cringe when their children are told that they were " meant to be " in their adoptive family , especially when it is accompanied by " God meant for you to be in that family " . That for some reason , God chose to bring them into this world in one family , just to place them in another family and then deal with the emotions surrounding that . That 's about as comforting as " everything happens for a reason " when you are in the midst of suffering . My thoughts on that are : I do feel that our boys are meant to be in our family , but that only happened AFTER an adoption plan was already made . Once Katy chose to place them for adoption , then God chose us to parent them and make them a part of our family . If she has chosen to parent , they would have been meant to stay in that family . I have even had one person ask me , " what would have happened to those boys if it weren 't for you " . To me this implies that we were saving them from something ( which I think she believed we were ) , but we weren 't . Instead I replied back that Katy would have parented them and she would have been an amazing mother to them because she is an amazing mother to their siblings . No matter what reason a child was placed for adoption , they shouldn 't be considered " lucky " . Adoption comes with grief , heartache and confusion even in the best of situations . In the more difficult situations , children have experienced things that no child should have experience that placed them in the situation to be adopted . I am blessed to have my boys and some would say they are blessed to have us . But just because we might be blessed to have each other , doesn 't necessarily mean that they would have been less blessed without us . Today I am going to write about something very personal , but very close to my heart . Last night while caring for the elderly lady I sit with , I watched a new show called " The Briefcase " . The show is based on giving two families $ 101K that they can either keep , give part of away or give all away to a family in as much or more need than them . When making this decision , neither family knows that the other family also has a briefcase , so they are making this decision with the assumption that they will not receive any money in return . One of the families had a husband with health needs and no health insurance . The wife of the other family worked as a nurse , and said several times that she felt for people who didn 't have health insurance , but as I heard her say these words , I felt like she just didn 't get it . I 'm not belittling this woman or her family who also had financial and medical needs , but more or less acknowledging that she is like so many in this country who don 't really understand what it 's like to be uninsured or underinsured and have regular medical bills . Healthcare has been a hot topic in our country the past few years . Many have been up in arms over Obamacare , the cost and the fact that they are being required to have health insurance . I am not going to pretend like Obamacare is perfect and I have had plenty of frustrations with the marketplace , but I am so thankful that it exists . Let me let you in on a little secret , for most of our marriage , Elias and I have been underinsured . What does this mean ? It means that we would receive employer based health insurance that was not comprehensive , so it covered very little . We would go to the pharmacy each month for his meds and be told that we didn 't have coverage because there was no generic brand for his medications and the bill would total anywhere from half of our monthly income , to twice or more than our monthly income . These costs came every month . In our first year of marriage , we had times where we had to decide whether or not to get his meds that month . No one , should EVER have to decide whether or not their loved one could receive their daily medications . Some of his pharmaceutical companies had assistance programs , but you didn 't qualify if you were underinsured . There were times I prayed that we would qualify for medicaid and if our medical expenses were counted , we would have , but we didn 't qualify and couldn 't afford private insurance . There came a time in our marriage where we were out of options . Neither one of us had comprehensive employer based health insurance , we couldn 't afford private insurance and our last lifeline , the NY state reimbursement plan that reimbursed us up to 7 % of our income ( which helped , but wasn 't ideal when you don 't have the initial funds to pay and they take 3 - 12 + months to reimburse you ) was giving us 30 days to obtain comprehensive health insurance with no prescription drug coverage cap . I was in tears . Then Obamacare began . The healthy NY program was in place which offered private health insurance at a slightly more affordable rate , it was still a lot of for us , but so much better than anything else we could ever afford . And , because of Obamacare the previously held $ 3000 prescription drug coverage cap that prevented us from using this option before , that we would have maxed out in one month , was removed . We then could afford appointments , prescriptions and we qualified for various co - pay cards to further remove the financial burden . Now as a family of 4 , two of whom have additional medical expenses , we qualify for quality , affordable health insurance because we live off of a limited income . We have no employer based health insurance , but we now have options that we didn 't have before . I know that Obamacare has not been great for everyone or even affordable for everyone . It is far from perfect and I truly hope that it improves throughout the years instead of declining , and we may someday face that challenge as well . However , I want to help those who have been frustrated by health insurance costs and issues for the first time in their lives , to understand what those of us who have lived this way for years have gone through . We are not the only family that has benefited from these changes and the past 2 years have been the only 2 years out of our nearly 7 year marriage that we haven 't faced constant health insurance related stress . Okay , I 'll step off my soapbox now , but if I opened one set of eyes , I have done my job : ) . Also , this post is not to invoke pity , just to educate . We all know that Mother 's Day is this weekend ( and if you didn 't , you do now ! ) , but did you know that there is also a Birthmother 's Day ? Don 't feel bad if you didn 't because up until a couple of years ago , I didn 't know either . Really , you wouldn 't know unless you have some sort of connection to the adoption community . Birthmother 's Day is this Saturday , the day before Mother 's Day , so I thought I would take the time to brag a little bit on our birthmother , Katy . There are so many stereotypes surrounding adoption and birthmoms . Everything from every birth mom must have used drugs , to the children were unwanted , to these women need to be more reproductively " responsible " . Unfortunately in some cases this is true , but many times it is not and in our case , it certainly is not ! Katy is none of these things . She is an amazing , responsible woman who loves and cares for her family . She loves deeply and the decision to place our boys did not did not come lightly or easily . She is raising two other great children as a single mom and she has said goodbye this side of heaven to two others before Asher and Lucas . She loves the Lord and is raising her children to do the same . She runs her own daycare to provide for her family and she has never used drugs . When she found out Asher had Down syndrome I think that there was a part of her that somehow , despite the deep love she already felt , grew to love him even more than she already did . That love came with fear because adoption was already in the back of her mind and she didn 't know what that would mean when it came to finding a family for both of her boys . After Asher was diagnosed with Down syndrome , cysts were found on Lucas ' brain which could have been indicative of another chromosomal condition . She was strongly encouraged to terminate her pregnancy , but her love was so strong for these babies that she knew that that was not an option and that resulted in two beautiful and healthy boys . She sought the Lord when making her decision and He led her to us . She prayed for us and for our boys . She cried tears of joy and tears of sorrow when handing two sweet babies over to us to raise and love . She is joyful that she has given us the gift of parenthood , but she misses and thinks about Asher and Lucas every day . She rejoices in each milestone they meet and tells us how much she loves not only the children we share , but how much she loves us as well . She is strong , as all birthmother 's are who choose to make this incredibly selfless decisiElias and Jessica Zehr I recently finished reading the book " Kisses From Katie " . Wow . This is the kind of book that lights a fire inside of me and inspires to me to hand my life over to God in a completely new and radical way , allowing Him to use me in ways that are far bigger than myself . It 's also the kind of book that drives me to better love the people of this world , especially the least of these . It makes me want to find homes for every child without family so that they don 't have to go to sleep another night without having a mom or dad tuck them and kiss them goodnight . It 's the kind of book that reminds me that I don 't want to live complacently and comfortably . I want to be stretched to live more like Jesus , even when it 's scary and hard . Katie went to Uganda at the age of 18 on a short term missions trip . She decided to follow what she felt God was calling her to do , and return to Uganda long term . By the time she was 22 she was a single mother to 14 daughters whom she was in the process of adopting and serving far more children and families through sponsorship programs that provided money for children to attend school , basic healthcare , hot meals , hot showers and Bible studies . I find her to be truly amazing and inspiring . I also have to be careful when I read books like this because it gives Satan space to leave my feeling as though what I am doing right now is inadequate . It makes me want to pack up my whole family and return to a developing country even if that is not our calling right now because surely what we are doing here isn 't " enough " . Even Katie admits that she doesn 't feel as though she is doing something extraordinary , but it looks that way for those on the outside looking in . I have felt for so long that there was a hole in my heart . Since becoming a mom , I truly feel as though this is what God has been calling me to be my whole life . I may not have 14 daughters , but I have two amazing sons that I have been entrusted with raising . What an honor ! I also have been given the opportunity by God to become a massage therapist where I am able to pray that God will use me as His hands when I am working and literally laying hands on my clients . Now I am working at becoming a doula where I have to opportunity to be present for the birth of new life into the world and love and serve women in that important time in their lives . God is using me and I have to remember that what I am doing right now isn 't inadequate . In fact , being a mom is the most important job I have ever held and will ever hold and the other jobs can have a profound impact when led by God . Katie and I in many ways found ourselves at the same crossroads , which is maybe why this book strikes such a cord in my heart . I had the choice to go back to Bolivia or stay in the States and get married . She had the choice to go back to Uganda or return to the States and get married . I chose marriage , she chose Uganda . It 's easy to wonder what would have been if I had chose Bolivia , not that I feel that I chose wrong , just to wonder what would have been if I had chose different . The great thing though , is that God can use all of us in any circumstance and any place . Because I chose marriage , God called Elias and I to West Africa , a place that will forever hold a piece of our hearts . And of course , more recently he called us to adopt , not one , but two babies and he opened our hearts to special needs . I have no idea what the future holds , it may include returning to the international mission field or it may included serving God right here in our little hometown . It may include international or foster care adoption of an older child or it may not . All I know is that I want to be ready and willing to serve God however and whenever He calls and to love others with reckless abandon . Posted by Today I celebrate the bittersweet day that my sweet baby boys turn one . I can hardly believe that a year has already come and gone . I look at my little boys and I notice that they are starting to look just like that , more like little boys than babies . Lucas is everywhere and into everything , this is little baby - toddler hybrid that is soaking up everything like a sponge . Even though I would never want to see my child struggle , I am in some ways thankful that I get to keep Asher like a baby a little while longer as developmentally he 's more like an 8 - 9 month old . I love watching my boys grown and develop , I celebrate and rejoice in every new milestone . I am so honored to be their mama . This year hasn 't been easy , but unlike most challenging years , the challenges aren 't what stick out in my mind . Rather , the joys are what I remember most vividly . If you would have told me that I would feel this way in the first three months of their lives , I would have laughed or maybe even cried . Those days felt so hard ! I was more tired than I could have ever imagined being , but I was also so in love with these two helpless little beings that wanted and needed all of my time and energy . But each month got at little easier and presented itself with new unique challenges . And each month I fell more and more hopelessly in love with my sons . On this day , I am so excited that they are turning one and all they are doing , but I am also sad to know that this may have been my one and only year of being mommy to a baby . Being a mom to a baby is such a sweet time . At the same time , I am so thankful that I got do to it two times over and if I never do it again , the time I had is more than enough and more than some far more deserving than I get to experience . What did I do to deserve such blessings ? It 's almost mind boggling how fast one year of pure joy can pass when one year of pain and grief can feel like an eternity . Today I praise the Lord with my whole heart to have been given this gift . I praise Him that he brought Elias and I to Katy and her family . That He changed and softened our hearts to accept the children that He chose us to parent and that He has entrusted us to raise them . Oh , sweet boys . I cannot put into words my love for you . I am so unworthy of the gifts that you are to my life . I pray that God will lead me to be the best mom that I can be and everything that you deserve . It is truly a privilege and and honor to be called your mom . As a parent of twinfants ( infant twins ) one attracts about the same amount of attention as a circus show . Ever since the boys were newborns , when we went out , we got the regular slew of questions : are they twins , are they identical , are they both boys ( or more often : one boy , one girl ? ) , etc . But there is another factor that I have been acutely aware of since they were born . I have a child with special needs that has common identifying physical features . Now don 't get me wrong , I am never and have never been ashamed of Asher or the fact that he has Down syndrome , but when I first started venturing out with my new sweet babies , I wondered if people could tell . I had heard that most people can 't tell that a baby has Down syndrome , but I couldn 't help but wonder anyway . There were a number of times that I blurted it out in case people could tell something was different but didn 't want to ask . I guess I was attempting to put everyone at ease in the most awkward of ways ( hence why I write ) . I now regret doing that . I truly believe that most people just saw Asher for the adorable baby that he is and was . I didn 't need to explain anything and if people really did notice , I should have let them ask . But that spurs the question , when will the first person make it known that they noticed and how will it happen ? I have heard beautiful stories of strangers approaching moms in the grocery store and making a kind comment about their " beautiful " or " special " child and then I have heard sad stories of mom 's being asked why their baby looks " funny " . My moment happened a few weeks ago and it was surprisingly uneventful . I was checking in Asher for blood work at the hospital and one of the staff that happened to notice my beautiful children decided to come over and talk to them and ogle them . We were talking about the boys ' different temperaments and she started saying things like " they usually are happy " and the such about Asher . I usually don 't like Asher being classified as a " they " because he is an individual who happens to be part of a population that shares a commonality , in this case , an extra chromosome . But this time , I wasn 't bothered , I was just relieved that our first experience of someone making it known that they noticed , was someone who was intending to be kind and supportive of the fact that my child is rocking a little something extra . As the boys have gotten older , I am less and less aware that Asher does possess traits that are common among individuals with Down syndrome . I don 't even wonder if people notice when we go out and I rarely blurt out that he has Down syndrome to complete strangers unless there is a reason for it to come up in conversation . I just let him be Asher with his beautiful , blue , almond shaped eyes , adorably tiny little ears , cute little button nose with it 's slightly flattened bridge , the tiniest little hands that grab my hair like handle bars so that he can try and eat my face , itty bitty feet that he can bend over and chew on from a seated position , and adorable pot belly , chunky thighs and rolly polly arms . " Adoption doesn 't cure infertility " . I read this words often when we were waiting to adopt . I felt like I understood them and oftentimes my thought was " but it sure makes it more bearable . " Adoption professionals feel like this is an important concept to understand before moving on to adoption so that adoptive parents fully understand that adopting a child is not a cure for their infertility . Infertility will still be a part of them , but the hope is that they have come to a place where they have grieved and moved forward so that they can give an adopted child all that they need . When the boys were first born , our infertility did indeed feel cured in many ways . Everything was new and exciting . We were finally parents to not one , but TWO babies ! I didn 't grieve that I didn 't carry them , and I still don 't . We were exhausted and content and I had no desire in that moment to be pregnant . As the boys have gotten older though , those familiar feelings have started to creep back in and I am reminded that while they are amazing and ours in every way , they did not and can not take away our infertility and that is NOT their role in our lives . When you adopt after infertility , there is oftentimes this big question mark that hangs over your head . Everyone likes to share the stories of " so and so " who got pregnant after adopting and even though it 's frustrating to hear , there is always that smidgen of hope and that internal question of " will that happen to us ? " . We also have 3 embryos left . If they fail , will we feel compelled to try again or can we walk away and accept that pregnancy and biological children aren 't in our future ? These are big questions to have to ask yourself when you are at an age that some others haven 't even started having children yet and most are at least not done . Or will we choose to adopt again ? Maybe an older child through international adoption or the foster care system . Maybe we will become foster parents and open or hearts and home to children in need of a safe place to stay , even if it 's temporary . Some have assumed that since we were blessed with twins , that we are done . Maybe we are and if we are , I have decided that I have to be happy with what I have because it is far more than I could have ever asked for . But I don 't feel " done " when my heart breaks every time I pack up baby things that the boys have outgrown or don 't use anymore . I don 't feel " done " when I have just discovered the amazing world of wrapping my babies in a woven wrap and I long for the months when I could have worn both of them at the same time as teeny tiny babies and maybe the chance to have the opportunity all over again with another baby . No , adoption does not cure infertility and yes , it does make it so much more bearable , but it is beautiful and unique in it 's own way and it can never entirely fill the void that infertility leaves in one 's life , nor should it be expected to . Infertility will always be there , just under the surface , waiting to rear it 's ugly head . But this time , I will not let it control me , instead I will choose to be happy . I will grieve when I need to grieve and then I will turn back to my boys and rejoice in the gift we have been given . As we say goodbye to 2014 , I can 't help but reflect on this past year as well as previous years . Last year at this times we were attempting to become foster parents and after 4 rescheduled home visits I was frustrated to say the least . I could not for the life of me understand what God was up to . I had no idea that only days later , my world would be changing forever and I would fully understand what He was up to . In previous years I always wondered , " will this finally be the year we become parents ? " . This year , I don 't feel that way . This year coming to an end is bittersweet for entirely different reasons . I can 't wait to see my boys grow , develop and change , but I 'm sad because in only a few short months I will be saying goodbye to my " babies " and those little babies will be turning into rambunctious toddlers that will bring all sorts of new fun and challenges . This year is only bittersweet because I now realize how fast children really do grow , not because I continue to wait for " someday " . In the spring of 2013 we felt like God was calling us back to Lewis county . Elias was working in Lowville with his dad while attending school in Herkimer and I was at a place with work where I needed to decide if I was going to find another part time job near Utica or take a leap of faith and branch out and start my own massage therapy business in Lewis county . We decided that it was better to begin looking at moving . Things fell into place quickly and by September we were living in Croghan . Around that same time we began working on paperwork to become foster parents . The process was long and slow and we didn 't start trying to get someone in our home to do the home inspection until late November , early December . After our home visit was rescheduled 4 times due to weather , on January 2nd I sent in an application to Catholic Charities adoption program thinking , " why not ? " . January 3rd , I got an email from our original adoption agency asking if we would consider a situation with twins due in April , where one would have Down syndrome . After a lot of prayer and soul searching , we decided to to say yes to being presented . In February we were officially asked if we would become the parents to our sweet baby boys , We agreed and were more excited and more terrified than we had ever been in our lives . The boys " obediently " ; ) waited to make their arrival until after we were settled into our new home and on April 14th at 6 : 04 and 6 : 08 am Asher and Lucas made their way into the world . I remember thinking as I was dressing into my scrubs to go to the OR , that this was it . Life as we knew it was going to change forever . Then they were here and those feelings of fear just disappeared . The following 8 months have been a whirlwind and have been filled with more joy and love than I could have ever imagined . It has been amazing to watch our babies grow and develop and learn new things . Lucas has started to crawl and Asher is almost sitting on his own and getting up on his knees and rocking . They LOVE table food and are full of smiles and giggles . Asher loves people and isn 't shy unless he 's tired . Lucas is a bit more of a mama 's boy and is unsure around large groups . They both love to study and take everything in . They love going for walks and , for the most part , enjoy riding in the car . They jabber and babble and can be quite loud if they want to be . They are so sweet and full of love and life . They also love their dog , Scrumpy . They have truly been the greatest blessing that we could have asked for . We have also been blessed to gain an amazing birth family in 2014 . They love our boys and they love us , as we do them . We have seen them a number of times over this past year and when we get together it 's like getting together with family . Our birthmother has made the greatest sacrifice to give more to our boys through adoption and we cannot possibly express how grateful we are to her . At the end of the day , she didn 't do this to make us parents ( even though she loves that she was able to give us that gift ) , she made this choice for the two baby boys that are at the center of our relationship and us becoming parents was the amazing , yet secondary , result . She chose to give them life and she chose to give them more . We are so honored that we were the ones chosen to be their parents . This year has been one of the greatest years of my life . Each new year brings ups and downs , joys and challenges . This year was no different . The difference this year was that instead of dwelling on what we didn 't yet have , I rejoiced in what we did . I wish I could have done this better in previous years , but those years are gone and I can only learn from them . Thank you for walking and rejoicing with us this past year as our dream of becoming parents finally came true . We look forward to sharing this new year with all of you ! We are Elias and Jessica Zehr . We got married in 2006 and began trying to begin a family almost as soon as we got married . While we always knew we would adopt , we never knew when or how it would happen . After a few heartbreaking fails with fertility treatments , we felt as though it was time to begin our adoption journey . In April of 2014 , our twin boys joined our family . Laugh with us , cry with us and pray with us as we travel down this unknown , yet very exciting path that God has laid before us .
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October 4 , 2015adventure , Blogging , fun , Goals , inner peace , Life , living , love , Mental Health , parenting , random , recovery , spirituality , travelachievement , adventure , awareness , Being 40 , change , choices , effort , family , fun , goals , growth , happiness , intention , lists , living , love , Lust for life , meditationAfter The Party So , I sat down this morning to check out my progress on the whole " 40 things in my 40th year " list … and discovered , much to my horror , that A ) I haven 't written a blog in TWO MONTHS ? ! I knew it had been a while , but not two months ! That is really , really bad . I don 't even have an excuse . I just haven 't been writing . Lame . B ) That October is five months since my birthday , which means almost HALF my year is gone ! Holy Shit ! Where the hell does time go ? and C ) , worst of all … I haven 't done nearly as much from the list as I thought I had . There is some good news though ! I have actually accomplished a few of the things on my list , and several more are on the horizon . Let 's run through the list real quick like , shall we ? Okay , here goes : 1 . ) Stop being so lazy : I think I may have actually overcome this life long demon of mine . Look , I will never be the most clean , neatest of the neat , girl on the planet . That just isn 't who I am . But I have made some real strides . I also got a roommate who does dishes , so this helps . But my overall laziness does seem to have improved , judging by the way I seem to run my ass off from the moment I wake up in the morning until the moment I collapse into bed every night , anyway . 2 . ) Makeover , as in , get one : I can 't decide if I did this or not . Technically , I did not get a makeover . I did , however , have some extremely awesome pictures of me taken that make it LOOK as if I did have a makeover , so I feel as if I satisfied that requirement . If the opportunity comes up for me to have a real makeover , I will jump on it . If it does not , I am not going to worry about it . 3 . ) Essay published in the Sun : This one would be so much easier to accomplish if I were actually writing . Which I am , right now , obviously , but this is the first time in a good , sad , while . 4 . ) Mud Run : I am doing this next weekend . I am so excited ! If you have a second , check it out - it 's called the " MS Muck Fest " and it is a huge , muddy , fun obstacle course ! Yay ! 5 . ) Meet Justin : Don 't get me wrong , I still would love to meet Justin … and his lovely new girlfriend , LOL . And I would LOVE to go to Canada . But this has fallen lower on my priority list . You know how it goes . 6 . ) Get a literary agent : Sigh … again , I am so removed from my writing right now . I have had so much work to do in other areas , but I need to make time for this . It 's what feeds my soul . 8 . ) Visit Glass Beach in Ft . Bragg : I actually did this one ! Can I just tell you something ? That beach is TINY . The glass is incredible , but the beach is the size of a large - ish living room , and it is FULL of people . I didn 't find one memorable piece of glass there , sadly enough . I would still go back , but definitely NOT on a weekend . 🙂 Done , and DONE . 13 . ) Foodie Event , 14 . ) proposal for non - fiction book , 15 . ) hypnotism , 16 . ) writing class , 17 . ) jewelry class , 18 . ) hike soberanes , 19 . ) surf , and 20 . ) Hot springs : Nope , not even close , still possible , no , looked into it , but class was full , totally going to happen , not yet , and totally forgot about this , respectively . 21 . ) Camping , 22 . ) quilting : No to camping , and it doesn 't look too good at this point . And quilting ? Hey , that is still possible ! 23 . ) Leave California Twice , preferably from different directions : Well , I am going to Hawaii next month , so that is one . I just need to squeeze in one more trip , which shouldn 't be too hard ! Maybe I will finally make it to Oregon to see my buddy Brian . 25 . ) Attend a live sporting event : I don 't even know why I added this one to the list . I don 't care about sports at all … although , honestly ? I wish I did . 26 . ) Meditation : I have improved leaps and bounds in this one . I am so comfortable with meditation now , and can see the difference in my life when I am doing it consistently . However , this being a " practice " , not sure how I can ever complete it . Lets say my goal , while ongoing , has been a success ! 27 : ) Treat my body kindly : Well … tomorrow , I will have not smoked a cigarette in 100 days ! And I am watching what I eat , and I hired a personal trainer . I meet with him weekly , and hit the gym 4 - 5 times a week . I am weight lifting , and doing something active almost every single day . So , yes , while I have a ways to go , still , I am definitely doing what I set out to do here . Mission accomplished ! 28 . ) Going outside in inside clothes : I have tried , I really have . But I am not going to lie … I am that girl . I will go to Save Mart in the clothes I slept in if I am out of coffee mate . I just don 't see what the big deal is . Sorry , Holly . 29 . ) Go to Gilroy Gardens : Okay , so I totally did this , AND I bought season passes , thinking I would be saving big . The only problem is , I only went once . I Still have a month left on my passes , but next year ? Yeah , I 'll just pay as I go ( if I do … it really is pretty great , though . And beautiful ! ) 30 . ) Halloween Tour at Point Sur Lighthouse : I forgot that I wanted to do this , and I am going to look into it right now ! So excited ! 32 . ) Write EVERY DAY : OKAY , ALREADY . Listen , it is just stupid that I am not doing this . I really can 't get around it . The remainder of this year , my writing will be first and foremost . It may not all be occurring here , but it will be occurring , this I swear . 33 . ) Connect with family : This is a funny goal , not very specific . I will tell you this - the work I have been doing on myself has allowed me to make great strides in my relationships with the people closest to me . Especially my mother and my older daughter . I am experiencing much less friction in my relationships with the people who know and love me most , and that is huge . Perhaps now the circle can begin to widen . 36 . ) Make my Home look Inviting and Good : I would say that , yes , this has happened . Did I mention I got a roommate who does dishes ? She 's amazing ! The house looks great ! 38 . ) Have a party ! : This happened . Last weekend . And it was a HUGE success , if I do say so myself . I had at least 30 people here , not counting kids . It was a blast . 39 . ) Learn to BBQ : I am beginning to lose hope , you guys . I mean , I am a native Californian , who lives by the beach , no less , and not only do I not know how to BBQ , I don 't even own a grill . I feel like my card is going to be revoked . 40 . ) Say Yes More : I am not sure in what way I meant this when I wrote it originally . But knowing me , I meant saying YES to life , and to new experiences and new ways of thinking . Saying yes to vitality and joy . Yes , Yes , Yes ! And you know what ? I think this has been a wonderful year for all of those things so far . So , this is where I am so far . I hope to keep plowing through . I hope that I can mark them all off … but even if I can 't ? Hey , at least I am working towards a life filled with great experiences . At least my mind is working on some goals . And knowing where I am now , I can really fine tune and focus on what is ahead ! August 3 , 2015Addiction , Blogging , humor , Life , People , random , writingchanging , life changes , meditation , quitting smoking , recovery , smoking , writers block , writingAfter The Party I 'm going to tell you the truth - I just don 't have a single thing to say . I have spent WEEKS , now , avoiding this website . This morning , as I woke up at four a . m . ( the way I used to every day before I quit smoking ) I could no longer avoid it . So I sat down here , and started to write . Only , every word of it was shit , so I deleted it all , and started over . The problem is , I still am not in the mood to write . I don 't know what the story is - I have plenty of things to write about . My life is full , and interesting , and funny . I am really into my recovery right now , and I 'm on this really beautiful spiritual journey , I 'm really getting my meditation practice down , I 'm working hard on my parenting methods … I quit smoking , I 'm getting a roommate for a while to get myself out of debt . But I don 't feel like elaborating on any of this stuff . But I don 't want to . And I think it 's because I quit smoking . I 'm not even kidding around , I think not smoking cigarettes is killing me in a different way than smoking them was . I think NOT smoking has destroyed my creativity . And now that I have quit , I don 't even want to get out of bed in the morning . Like , I used to leap out of bed every morning at four , and I thought it was because I really was just a morning person , but now ? I think I just really wanted a cigarette all the time . Now , My alarm goes off in half hour increments until fifteen minutes before I need to leave for work - and only because that is when I finally crawl out of bed . Without my beloved Marlboro 100 's , I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning . Isn 't that pathetic ? Eh , I guess I am in mourning . I hope my desire to share my life with others through writing returns … but even if it never , ever does ? I gotta tell you - I still don 't think it 's worth smoking over . I want to be around a long time for my kids , so smoking isn 't really an option for this particular person . A little while back , I signed up to do the blogging 101 thing through WordPress , which is kinda weird , I know , considering I have been blogging for a pretty long time now . The thing is , I just sort of jumped into it blindly ( the way I do most things ) and thought I would figure it out as I go … and I have , pretty much . But … you know … my following could be better ( maybe my WRITING could be better , I don 't know ) my stats could be better . I could be more consistent . Anyway , I wanted to see what I had missed and what I could do better , and maybe connect with some other bloggers . Of course , my life picked the day that the assignments began to sort of go off the tracks . So I have decided not to let that deter me . I am going to try to catch up with the three or so assignments I have missed , and carry on . Writing in hugely important to me , and I need to make time for it ( in all its wonderful forms ) in my life the way I do everything else . Okay ? Okay . Here goes : My name is Courtney , and I am a single mother of two kids ( thirteen years apart ) , both of them beautiful girls . One a teeny little thing , the other a young woman , now . I often write about my kids . I am also in ( and sometimes out ) of recovery , as in , twelve step , have a sponsor , know a lot about drugs … yeah , that kind of recovery . I don 't repo cars for a living , not that kind of recovery . I write about that quite a bit . I am a big dreamer and a deep ( some might say over ) thinker , and lots of times I write about my hopes and dreams for the future , or just my feelings . I have a big , sick sense of humor , and sometimes I am funny . My blog is not super focused on one subject , and that is something I am trying to decide if I want to change or not … part of me likes it as it is , and thinks maybe I should start a separate blog that has a theme , ( i . e . parenting in recovery , or something like that ) , part of me thinks I barely have time for this blog , so maybe adding a whole new thing is not such a good idea . I don 't know . The jury is still out . I am hoping to connect with other writers like myself - people who view parenting ( and life ) with humor . People in recovery who are so grateful for their lives . People who believe in the power of setting goals and having dreams . People who write about all of that stuff . Well , I have to go to my real job now . Expect several more ( extremely short ) blogs such as this from me in the very near future . I am committed ! Have a beautiful day . June 28 , 2015Blogging , family , funny , health , humor , Life , love , Mental Health , Musings , randomcold , cold symptoms , common cold , fivedayfivephotochallenge , funny , germs , headache , hypochondria , illness , list , miserable , WebMDAfter The Party I have had to veer off course in the " Five Day , Five Photo Challenge " , mostly because I have been hovering on deaths door , doing my damnedest not to cross the threshold … just kidding , although I do have a nasty , terrible , no good , fucking awful cold . The second one in about a month , actually . Which probably means there is some underlying cause , most likely fatal , terminal , or otherwise incurable , right ? Which leads me to the inspiration for this fine list - the crazy shit I think and do when I am sick . Please , enjoy my neuroses , and my trashy behavior . There should certainly be some benefit to the world from these . 1 ) As mentioned above , I have never just had a cold . It is always , in my head ( and confirmed by WebMD ) a symptom of a much bigger , probably fatal , underlying disease . I don 't get headaches , I get brain tumors . It 's never a cold , it 's always early pneumonia due to undiagnosed HIV . The cough is really lung cancer . The achy muscles are Rheumatoid Arthritis . I actually even entertained the idea , briefly , yesterday , that there was probably a tick somewhere lodged in my body , and I was completely riddled with Lyme 's disease . Actually , that could be true . I am sure there are lots of places on my body where a tick could live happily for YEARS . I am not nearly that thorough in my self examinations , that I would spend the time necessary to locate a tick . Let me remind you , I have a four year old . I couldn 't even tell you the last time I took a bath alone , let alone one where I could thoroughly search for ticks . 2 ) Due to my ( hopefully imagined ) impending demise , I become extremely weepy , loving , and tender with my children . I imagine how fucked their lives will be when I have the nerve to die young ( ish ) , and I imagine myself looking down on them from heaven as they cry and mourn . Even as I write this , I realize how mental I must sound . I 'm even a little embarrassed for me . Anyway , because this is such a horrible mental road to go down , I then become full of resolve to beat this horrible cancer ( my cold ) and vow to be well , against all odds ( or with chicken soup and Robitussin , whichever is easier ) . Which leads me to - 3 ) The part where I turn into a sleep Nazi , screaming at my children , the dogs , and my phone every time it rings . Don 't these idiots know I am coming back from the BRINK , here ? I must rest ! I must imagine my body attacking the cancer ( germs . cold germs , that is all they are ) so that I can survive ! FOR THEM ! Don 't they see what is happening here ? ( I can actually see my older daughter rolling her eyes at me in disgust as I write this , saying " Why ? Oh , yes , because you are DRAMA . " ) 4 ) Other and miscellaneous things : When I am sick , and I need medicine , which I never seem to have when I need it , I will go to the store in my pajamas and slippers without a single fuck to give , and I will zombie walk to the cold / flu aisle like a kid in a candy store . If a kid were a zombie with serious sinus problems , anyway . I spent forty dollars yesterday on shit for my cold . I know that I can 't cure it , but I just wanted to feel better . You and I both know , though , that nothing apart from time really works . If I didn 't have kids , I 'd just continually use Nyquil to knock myself out until the symptoms passed , but that seems dangerous with a four year old in the house . 5 ) I religiously spray salt water up my nose when I am sick . I know I am not alone in this , but it seems to funny to me every time I do it - we spend every well moment of our lives vigorously avoiding getting things up our noses ( well , okay … you know what I mean ) and the minute we are sick , we actively begin squirting shit up there . Or , I do , anyway . I have no idea if it actually even works , but at least I feel like I am doing something . 6 ) I take baths with no thought of hygiene whatsoever . I sat in a bath full of kids vapor crap yesterday , just for the hope of some relief , however brief . I nearly scalded my skin off , but dear Jesus , I could actually breathe for the duration of the bath . Unfortunately , I was too sick to bother actually washing any part of my body . It never even crossed my mind . Being wet was good enough in my book . 7 ) I will literally blow and or wipe my nose on ANYTHING when I am sick , so the best bet is to keep something intended for that near me at all times . This is why people walk around with Kleenex boxes when they are ill - to save the curtains . I actually wiped my nose on my own pajama bottoms the other day . I am pretty sure I am still wearing them . Guess how much I care ? 8 ) I will gladly let my four year old eat nothing but Popsicle 's for breakfast . And lunch . And dinner . Only when I am sick . At least she is eating something , right ? Now that I think about it , this may be WHY I am sick again so soon - she is probably diabolically licking all the rims of the clean glasses in the house , planting her pre - school germs ( of which there are plenty ) in hopes of Popsicle 's 24 / 7 … I better keep an eye on her . Well , that is it for me . I am going back to bed now . Gotta nip this cancer ( cold ) in the bud . Have a wonderful day ! June 26 , 2015Blogging , family , humor , kids , Learning , Life , Mental Health , Musings , parenting , randomacceptance , being grateful , being sick , cellulitis , children , common cold , conjunctivitis , health , parenting , Perspective , sick kids , the human bodyAfter The Party I had intended to title this post " Stupid Human Bodies " , to be honest with you . I woke up this morning with only half of one nostril cooperating in my breathing effort . I have the kind of congestion that can be neither blown out , nor , uh … breathed in ? I suppose the proper description would be " hocked up " , but that sounds so yucky , doesn 't it ? Either way , if you are reading this , then you probably are saddled with one of these disease prone , periodically snot - addled , human contraptions we call " bodies " yourself , so I am sure you understand . The throbbing headache caused by sinuses that are malfunctioning - or is it hyperfunctioning ? I am really unsure . The achy skin inflicted with fever . The goopy eyes , runny noses , dry , cracked lips . And this is only when we are dealing with the common fucking cold ! Don 't even get me started on the rest of the insulting things we must suffer through - the flaw in our design that put so many nerve endings in the places where we are most likely to ram them into things ( think little pinky toes , my friend ) , the acne as teenagers ( and adults ) , the metabolism that runs like a dream for so many years , only to leave us high and dry when our terrible eating habits are firmly ingrained in us … leaving us looking , bewildered , at the cellulite on our thighs and the rolls of blubber encircling our middles . Uncomfortably warm , permanent ( seems like ) , hugs from the fat fairy . Yeah , life inside these bone and skin tents can be trying . I was feeling all kinds of sorry for myself this morning , hobbling around with my achy , common - cold bones , hindered by my fat hug and the insurmountable mucus battle raging in my head … I was feeling whiny and bitchy and all kinds of pathetic . And then my daughter woke up . As you can see from the picture above , whatever is wrong with me is WAY less important than whatever the hell is going on with her . Yesterday , I thought she had a bug bite near her eye causing that swelling . Today , I am leaning more towards some type of cellulitis , perhaps conjunctivitis with a little something extra … I don 't know . But it 's amazing , isn 't it , how quickly ones perspective can change ? First of all , when I got out of " poor me " mode , and jumped into the impenetrable armor I call " Mommy Deluxe " ( motto : don 't fuck with my kids , you hear ? ) , my cold symptoms seemed to just float away . But , more importantly , I became acutely grateful for this wonderful machine that house our souls from day one through day … whatever you make it to . Because if this fancy contraption was not SO smart that it could send up distress signals you would need to blind to miss ( ie : this eye is swollen even WORSE today , lady , so the Benadryl ain 't working ! Help ! Help ! ) , how would I have known that something was seriously up with my kid ? Answer : I wouldn 't have . I would not have known . Our bodies are such precise and miraculous little systems . They are so complex , there are things even the most highly trained doctors , the most insanely educated scientists , are still mystified by . They protect us , they wage wars we often know nothing about , they suffer such abuses at our hands , and they still do their job , to the best of their ability , every single second of our lives . How cool is that ? They find ways to communicate with us that we can understand , each body learning the language we will hear so that it can tell us how to help . And what do we do ? We complain and whine , and get upset when things go wrong … Yet , how often are we grateful for all the many , many things that go right ? Today , I am going to stop whining , and appreciate this marvelous ( if a little chubbier and snottier than I feel is totally necessary ) temple that has been with me since the moment … no , since BEFORE the moment , even … I was born . Also , I am going to call the doctor for Cammy . That eye does not look good . June 24 , 2015Addiction , Blogging , family , Learning , Life , Musings , recoveryachievement , addiction , blessing , blogging , drugs , gratitude , home , keys , recovery , victoryAfter The Party This little picture up above is my house . It may not look like much , but I assure you , it is kind of a big deal . First of all , it is all mine - I found it all on my own , I rented it all on my own , I did all the stuff it takes to get into a house all on my own , with additional hoops to be jumped through ( as usual ) thanks to my checkered past . In the world we live in , there is a subset of people that live in what is almost an alternate reality : The world of the drug addict . That reality is a place I called home for many , many years , and because of that , I will always look at things a little differently . Because it was my home for so long , a little piece of me will always remain there . I know this is probably a hard thing to understand - it 's not an easy concept for me to accept , either . Like , if it 's in the past , why not leave it there , right ? But if you really examine your own life , can you say , 100 % , that the things that shaped you in the past truly remain in the past ? We carry our past within us , and we leave little parts of ourselves behind . In the world of the drug addict , I am a fairy tale ending . I know this sounds nuts , right ? I have been out of treatment for a matter of weeks , not for the first time … I have relapsed so many times over the past eight years , I 've lost count . But I sit here this morning on my laptop writing this to you , and I am sitting in my own house , getting ready to get ready to go to work at a job I have had for many years . In my house , I have furniture - yeah , most of it is covered in laundry that needs to be folded , and the rest is covered in dog hair , but it 's MY furniture . I have lived in places before where it was too much trouble to figure out how to get a couch - all of my energy was used up on trying to figure out how I was going to get my next sack of dope . In my house , I have two dogs , a cat , and two kittens ( let me know if you want one . ) that depend on me to care for them , and I do . They love me , and can 't wait to see me , and they celebrate every time I walk through the door - well , the dogs do . The cats are cats , and you know how they are . In this house , there are rooms with electricity and heat , there is a refrigerator with food , there are dishes in the dishwasher and clothes in the wash machine . There are TV 's that are on too much , and a bath tub that always has twenty million toys in the bottom , no matter how many times I pick them up . In my house , the work is never done - I am just realizing that this is a literal cliche . The work really is NEVER done . But I am grateful for each part of it . The most important thing of all in my house are two beautiful kids , both generally happy ( one as happy as a teenager ever really is , the other happy by even a four year old 's standard ) and pretty well adjusted . . Both healthy and thriving in their own way . I wake up every day and thank God for them , that I can be their mother , that I don 't have to continue to inflict damage on them today as I have in my active addiction . Every day that I can actually be a mother to these girls is a victory . Every minute of it . And in my purse , or on my dresser , or somewhere in this place , right now , as I write this , is a key ring . It has a whole bunch of keys on it - two keys for my front door , two keys for the storage 's in the back . There is a key to my car , and a key to my daughter 's car , and a few keys I probably need to toss out because I don 't know what they go to anymore . But for someone like me - a girl who carries the past of an addict at the very surface of her heart , so close it is right there … a girl who lived so long in that alternate reality that it 's still hard to trust herself … those keys mean a lot more to me than they might to the average person . I know what it is like to have no keys to any door at all . Man , am I grateful . June 14 , 2015Blogging , humor , Learningblog issues , blogging , broken blog , no longer like blogging , no one will see this anyway , not a technical person , pretty much given upAfter The Party Have you ever had a broken blog ? Well , let me tell you , it is pretty frustrating - my blog has been broken lately , and I really don 't know what to do about it . I mean , is anyone ever really prepared for a sick and malfunctioning blog ? This is not something you can really be ready for , unless you are a complete computer whiz , which , by anyone 's standards , I am not . I have been with WordPress for this long for that very reason - I am barely computer literate , and WordPress is , or always has been , anyway , super simple and user friendly . Until , of course , my blog stopped functioning . I mean , if you are reading this ( all four of you who can actually see it because you subscribe to my fantastic and enthralling writing , and / or you found it via Facebook or Twitter ) then you wouldn 't know what I mean … but my blog is no longer showing up in the ever important " Reader " under any of the Categories I assign to it . Not under " Addiction " or " Recovery " ( which , of course , would be stupid categories for this particular blog , since it is not about either of those things , but you catch my drift … ) , nope … my blog isn 't showing up anywhere . Let me tell you something about writing a blog - the only reason I do it is because I want to share my thoughts and my particular perspective with the world . This is the avenue I have chosen to do that . So when I write something , and put all that effort into it , and it doesn 't work … that is pretty frustrating . I have visited the forums and tried to figure out how to resolve this issue on my own , but , as I said before , there is a whole lot more technical stuff ( at least to me it seems technical - plug ins and re - setting things and blah , blah , blah … shit I know absolutely NOTHING about ) than I am capable of comprehending . And you know what sucks even worse than having a broken blog ? Having a broken blog and then having to feel stupid when you can 't grasp all the nerd - speak in the fix - it directions . Thanks , WordPress ! Now I feel ineffective and stupid , as well as blog - less . When your blog is broken and no one reads it , your stats really suck . When your stats really suck , and you can 't fix your blog , you don 't feel like writing anymore . When you stop writing , the five people who like your blog stop following you . And when you have no readers … what , really , is the point ? There isn 't one . Of course , this blog will probably pop right up in the reader , like nothing was ever wrong . Way to go , WordPress . Now I look crazy on top of everything else . View all 5 comments Liebster , New House , Worrisome , Kind of Racist Paragraph . ( What ? I am TIRED , I can 't think of a better title . Goodnight . ) March 15 , 2015Blogging , humor , Learning , Life , Musings , People , random , writingaward , Bad Neighborhood , Hope my neighbors don 't kill me now . , I am not a racist , Liebster , New House , shut upAfter The Party So , this is the first blog … the first ANYTHING , actually , that I have written in my new house . I have to admit , it 's a pretty fresh little pad . I have a real front porch , where my rickety , old , wooden bench thingy sits , and I am way up at the very top of a hill , so I can see the whole city laid out before me . I can see all the way into Monterey , almost , and I can see Carmel Hill , and how steep it really is . If you don 't live around here , you will just have to take my word for it , it 's steep . And yes , I 'll admit , the neighborhood isn 't quite as … it 's a little less … it just seems slightly more frightening than my mild and monotone Pacific Grove home . But it 's new , and new things can be a little scary , sometimes . Especially at night . When you have a gigantic yard that your house sits right in the middle of , so your neighbors , whoever they are , can 't hear your screams for help as you are being murdered . Not that I have lost any sleep over that or anything . And yes , there is an axe near my front door , a baseball bat next to my bed , and I had my landlady put in extra locks on all the doors . But I am just cautious , that 's all . And besides , during the daylight hours , I am not even a little freaked out . I do use the peephole prior to opening the door , but , I mean , that is just being smart . Okay , fuck it . I 'm not fooling anyone . i am a little scared over here . The truth is , and you can do whatever you want with this information , I don 't care - I am one of the only white people in my neighborhood , and this is a new experience for me . I am definitely not a prejudiced person , so don 't get all weird on me , now . I have just noticed this , and noticed , also , that it makes me feel a little … different . I have tried introducing myself to my visible neighbors ( there seems to be some kind of mechanic operating his business right on the street across from my house . I wouldn 't recommend him though , he has been working on the same car for about … the entire time I 've lived here . And by " working on " , I mean " staring at the engine without actually doing anything " ) and did not get a very warm or welcoming response , except for one really nice Hispanic lady who lives across the way - she seems wonderful , but there is a language barrier . Which is just sad , on both of our parts . But anyway , I 'm sure you will all think I am some racist now , and I 'm not . I 'm just not used to standing out like a sore thumb . Well , I am , but for different reasons entirely . Okay , awkward racist speech over now . The point is , my house is cool . My neighbors are charm resistant . And my neighborhood is on the lower income side , which , actually , is why I can afford this big ass house . Anywhere else in town , and it would go for a thousand bucks more a month . But what I really want to talk about is my Liebster Award . I was nominated well over two weeks ago , and mentioned it in my last blog . I believe I said I would get to it " tomorrow " . Never believe me when I say that . Again , the other day , I was gently nudged by the person who nominated me , Annie at http : / / underandoveraroundandthrough . com / ( I really hope I did that right ) . I am not sure exactly what that means - according to HER blog , it 's like a German word for sweetheart or something ? So I got the sweetheart award , not a small feat for a woman who says fuck as much as I do . Anyway , she nudged me to acknowledge and , perhaps , I don 't know … fulfill my part of the bargain , which is to : ( I am so lazy , I literally just copied and pasted that . ) So , Annie , consider yourself thanked , and linked . I will get to the questions in a minute , but here is my caveat - I am not a very considerate and dedicated blog - person . I don 't have much time to write , let alone read other peoples blogs . I may be able to come up with a few bloggers to nominate , but probably not ten . So if you ARE a considerate and dedicated blogger , and you know of someone who deserves an award , can you send me a link to their blog ? And I will check them out , I really will , and maybe follow and nominate them . I don 't know how else to do this , other than , you know , putting a bunch of effort into it . I mean this is supposed to be a goddamned award , not a part time job , right ? ( I am totally joking ) ( mostly ) . 1 ) What is your favorite book , and why ? : This is one of those damn questions that I feel I just can 't answer without further direction from the asker , much like " what is your favorite color ? " I don 't have a favorite color , and I don 't have a favorite book . I like all of the colors , and most of the books . Well , a lot of the books . Just as I have a favorite color for kitchens in houses built in the 50 's ( yellow , with red accents ) , I have favorite books for certain seasons , moods , and stages of my life . I loved " A little Princess " and " The secret garden " as a kid , and I still do , but they aren 't my favorite . I really love Eat , Pray , Love , and have read it four or five times . But I also love Harry Potter , The Last Apprentice , and The Help . Mostly , I like books that aren 't overly serious and pretentious . They must be something I can relate to , in some way , no matter how far fetched the plot is . 2 ) Did you believe in Santa as a kid ? Were you crushed when you found out the truth ? : Before I begin , I would like to point out that this is actually TWO questions , Annie , you cheater . So … yes , of course I did . I am so glad that I didn 't have any asshole older siblings to ruin it for me , like I did to my brother , and Aisley did to her MUCH younger sister . Not that Camryn believed her … but , was I crushed when I found out the truth ? Nah . I think the truth just sort of absorbed into me gradually , so it wasn 't some earth shattering moment . It just kind of came to me , over time . 3 ) Do you have a favorite smell ? I think everyone should . What is yours ? Just like the book question , I refuse to be pinned down to only one favorite smell . I loved the smell of my babies , and the scent of my ex 's top lip - whenever we would kiss , the smell of him was better than any cologne . Although , being from the era that I am , I do love the smell of Drakkar . I love the scent of Lavender , especially if I 'm somewhere snowy , and I love the scent of pine trees on a warm day . I love the scent of cold leather , because it reminds me of my mother when I was a tiny girl , and the smell of gum , cigarettes , and cologne , because it reminds me of my dad . I love the way the people I love smell , I guess , more than anything else . 4 ) If you could choose only one person to live with you on a deserted island for the rest of your life , who would it be , and why ? The true answer would be : I would rather die than be stuck on a deserted island for the rest of my life . I can 't even function when the power goes out for an hour . And the next answer would be : I have two kids . There is no way I could choose , so I would have to disregard your rules and take them both . Sure , they would both be miserable , but I don 't care . At least we 'd be together . 5 ) If you could choose one person to punch in the face , who would it be , and why ? That 's easy . Nancy Grace . Why ? Because she is an asshole , and a bully , and a loud mouth , and she always looks like she just smelled something bad … and when you look like that , and act like that , someone needs to punch you in the fucking face . 6 ) What is one daily essential item you could not live without ? It 's a toss up between mascara and coffee . And my phone . Probably coffee , so I don 't kill people / 7 ) Do you have a favorite tv show ? Nope , I really don 't . I have a four year old . The only times I can watch tv are , like , now … and I would really rather be sleeping or doing this . 9 ) What makes you laugh ? Thankfully , just about anything , myself included . Things that should make me cry , make me laugh . Life is absurd , unfair , and really , really , stupid sometimes . If you can 't laugh … you 're pretty much screwed . 10 ) As a reward for finally being recognized for your awesome brilliance , you get to rule one country for the rest of your life . Which one do you choose ? ( I paraphrased this question . I 'm tired ) : A ) That seems like a terrible reward to me … Like my work giving away spots in the Big Sur Marathon . How bad can a prize be ? B ) but if I had to choose , I hate to tell you , it would be here . I don 't care enough about anywhere else . Maybe Mexico , but not because I care about Mexico , it just seems like they need a little help down there . February 27 , 2015Blogging , books , escape , fun , humor , Learning , Life , randombabbling , goodnight , moving , shouldn 't be publishing anything , tequila , updateAfter The Party I 'm going to skip the apologies for not writing - you must know by now that I am always sorry when I can 't , for whatever reason , get to the keyboard . I mean , even if it was the fact that I was kidnapped , held for ransom that my family decided not to pay , then consequently put up for sale on the black market , where they couldn 't even GIVE me away , and so I was then , unceremoniously , returned to my dilapidated home . I mean , even if it was that , which it wasn 't , I would still be thinking about writing … Funny thing about writing , though . You can think about it and think about it , and not one damn word get written down by thinking . Anyway , no sorry here . You just need , as I said before , to know that I am when I am not writing . Sometimes I just cannot do it . This has been one of those times . Sometimes I feel I have nothing to say - when I feel this way ( as I have been feeling recently ) , what is really going on is that I have too much to say , and I am trying to bury the feelings that are provoking the " too much " . As if , by not acknowledging whatever I am going through , it will not actually be happening . Of course , this is not only not realistic , but it is dangerous - I have gotten to a point in my life where I don 't want to talk about my problems with people , because it is always the same people , and it often feels like it is always the same problems . I am tired of going through the same old things , but I am more tired of burdening people with these same old things . So I keep stuff to myself now . But lucky , lucky you - I have had a couple of drinks and decided to vomit all over you guys . Not literally , of course , but in a WAY , literally , because , you know , I am writing this . Literally . So I have a couple of bummer things to say , but I then plan on tempering those with a few awesome things . Bear with me , if possible . Tonight , tragically , is my very last night in my little beach shack . A little while back , I woke up to find a 60 day notice on my door ( which was an extra big bummer because I had a ) just paid rent , and b ) my landlords live next door to me , so close that if I spit out the window , I could hit their dog . Not that I would ever spit on a dog . Intentionally , anyway . ) and I was understandably upset . I thought I must have done something terribly wrong to have been asked to leave THIS dumpy old place , and I couldn 't figure out what it was . Of course , I had several things to choose from , one of them being BECAUSE my landlords live RIGHT NEXT DOOR , and are therefore privy to all my private horrible moments ( don 't act like you don 't have them , too . None of us are angels . ) . I freaked out for a good while , until it was a decent enough hour to call over there and speak to someone . Turns out that their dad needs a place he can afford , , and what better place than this one , owned by his own kids ? And the reason they stuck it on my door was because they felt so shitty about the whole thing . Still kinda chicken - shit - ish , but in a much more acceptable way . I have known these guys for a good portion of my life , and most of theirs , and I must admit , I am pretty fond of them … and the bottom line is , whatever the reason would have wound up being , the fact of the matter is , it 's their home , and they can do whatever they want with it . So , there I was . I felt terrible , rejected , and preemptively homeless - as if the house had also rejected me , like a bad kidney , and it wasn 't my home anymore . I have been on quite a little roller coaster of emotions these past weeks , and none have been quite as bad as tonight . Because tonight is my last night , and this is the only home my littlest child ever remembers living in . This is the place where she had her second , third , and fourth birthdays , four Christmases , all of that . This is the last home where her parents will have lived together . This is actually my first ever HOUSE . So I am sad , and down , and generally feeling poorly tonight . To make matters even more intense , my children are both gone tonight , and I am alone with the dogs . I could use a little distraction from my melancholy mood , but none is available . So , here I sit . Now , to the good stuff . The good news is : 1 ) I got a much better house , in a much less desirable neighborhood . I guess those two things cancel each other out , so that is really a neutral bit of news . The house is the part I will actually be residing in , though the neighborhood is all around it … still , much better . 2 . ) I had my very first short story published twice this past year - once in a magazine , and once , just two days ago , in the " Best Of " book put out by the magazine ! So now I am in a book . 🙂 That is very good news , I think . Here is the link to the book on Amazon , if you are interested : And finally , I was nominated for the " most inspiring blogger " award , I think , or something like that . I don 't really know how fucking inspiring this has been , but I am not going to get to that tonight anyway . i 'm not 100 % that any of THIS has made sense , so I am not going to fuck that up , too . I will get to it tomorrow … assuming that I am not kidnapped again . Not that I ever actually was . January 12 , 2015Blogging , Goals , humor , Life , People , random , writingacceptance , awareness , blogging , change , craziness , not giving a fuck , writing , writing habitsAfter The Party The first thing : I really need to sit down here and write whatever it is that I feel compelled to write , when I am feeling the compulsion . I need to finish whatever it is , and I need to then publish it . This used to be a pretty straightforward cycle for me , but all of the sudden , I have started dragging my feet , over - thinking , stopping in the middle and then abandoning nearly finished blogs altogether . It seemed like a phase , at first , but now it looks suspiciously like a bad habit . I have enough of those already , thank you very much . So , I am going to try to do that - sit down while the sittin 's good , write until it is written , and then publish it . I don 't want to alarm anyone , but you guys are really missing out on some great and brilliant musings because of my selfish withholding , and it has to stop . The next thing : My only New Year 's Resolution this year was to give zero fucks what anyone may or may not be thinking , saying , or feeling about me , due to an inordinate amount of time spent obsessing ( by me ) over what everyone , from the mail man to my mother , those thoughts , etc . , may be . I am rapidly closing in on my 40th birthday , and I 'm very tired of giving so many fucks about imagined , and real , opinions about me , my life , and whatever else . I mean , who fucking cares , right ? It 's exhausting , and I have vowed to quit it . Unfortunately , as is often the case when resolving to change something , I find that I am either giving a lot more fucks about the above mentioned things , or I am just hyper aware of all the fucks I give . But I have gotten good at recognizing the tension that creeps into my body when i start giving a fuck , and I can quickly relax into the " give a fuck " contraction , and breathe my way out of it . Seriously , though , I would like to be able to take in someone 's advice , opinion , or even their shitty , backhanded compliment , and not take it ON , like it 's automatically a fact , or a misconception of which I must convince the sharer otherwise . " Oh , really , you think I could improve my parenting skills ? Well , aren 't your thoughts straying far away from home these days , eh ? You have a nice day . " " Sooo … you have some advice I didn 't solicit about how I run my life , huh ? Wow , and you 've never even been to my house , met my kids , or seen me outside of a controlled environment . I 'm just going to keep texting while you talk , but I am totally listening to you . " THAT is how I would LOVE to be . Instead , I am more like " Oh , shit , the neighbors are watching me parallel park … I 'll just … I think I can pull straight in , there 's enough room . SHIT . I 'm twenty feet from the curb , I 'll do it the other way . Why are they looking at me ? FUCK . They probably think I am such a lunatic . Oh my God , I am STILL ten miles from the curb . Fuck it , I am just leaving it , I don 't care if I 'm My hope is that I can bring my " no fucks given here " policy to my blog , as well . I would like you to share your feelings and opinions with me here , with the understanding that I am hearing what you are saying , and I am not going to allow it to embed itself on my skin like a tattoo . I am not even going to put it in my saved file unless it really is worthy , and I will offer , in return , full disclosure when writing , no matter how annoying that is to my mother . Feel free to not care a whit what I am telling you , of course . I am not there just yet , but that is my goal . The last thing : The other reason I think I need to get on here and write , as close to daily as I can is this : I am just drowning in good material these days . And if I don 't use it , I lose it , or at least , the real essence of " it " , when we are referring to writing . You have to get it out when it is consuming you , because it can die down so quickly , the fire that flares up when one is taken by the muse … anything written when the steam is dying down is going to be less engaging . For me , in my writing , anyway . Today , I had a horrible day , which means I learned some stuff . The lesson today was this : No matter how incredibly dramatic and awful things appear at first , they almost always simmer down to simply lame and tiring within hours . So getting all hysterical over stuff is pretty much a waste of time . The secondary lesson was : You will instinctively know when it is high time you put your foot down , stand your ground , and defend yourself , and you will also realize that you are a pretty decent human being , all things considered . You , I mean I , do not have to deal with manipulation or bullying from anyone , and I won 't . So THERE . Well , I am afraid that everything from the second paragraph on is a run - on sentence , written in Pig Latin , but I am not going to check . I am just going to get this published . Besides , everyone knows Pig Latin , anyway .
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Too bad we didn 't dress up today ! Josh and I are a bit spotty with when we dress up for Halloween . Josh already has our costumes decided for next year , however , I have a totally different idea of what I want , and dang it ! I 'm going to win ! : - ) Traditionally , every Halloween , Josh 's family gets together for dinner . This year it was Black Angus . We had a great time ! Robyn and DJ weren 't there , but Ron , Lynda , and Angie came and we had great food and great conversation ! After dinner we headed down to Orting to go trick or treating with Owen . He has got it DOWN this year ! So cute ! He would run from house to house , and yell " They have their lights on ! ! ! " He even willingly walked into a garage that was set up like a haunted house ! When he came out the other side smiling I asked him " Baby , what did you see in there ? " and he said " I saw CANDY auntie ! " Haha ! Wow . No picture today . Got up about 830 , worked out , did my devotions , curled up on the couch and read my book . I 'm reading the Carrie Diaries , which is the story of Carrie Bradshaw before NYC . No Samantha , Charlotte or Miranda . No Big , no Aidan . But , a cute book nonetheless . Half of the book I swear I can hear Sarah Jessica Parker narrating ! Today was our team 's " official " Pastor 's away . We went to Clancys , had coffee and went over our paperwork , before going to the brand new Panera Bread at Tacoma Mall for lunch . Good coffee and good food ! It was incredibly emotionally draining to go over all of the paperwork though , and it felt so good to be done for the day ! After work I headed down to Orting to spend the evening with the family . We decided to go to Los Pinos for dinner , and Owen was hysterical ! He loves " rice and beans " ( that 's what he calls the restaurant ! ) and he always gets spoiled with quarters for the little toy machines ! Here he is thinking he 's being silly and smiling for a picture only if I take it from under the table ! In true Thursday form , I worked , went straight home , crawled into bed and napped until it was time for team camp . After team camp , I went home and worked on a sheet called Pastor 's away . Once a year , all the pastors on staff fill out a form , drawing attention to things we need to focus on in the following year . Wow . Not an easy form to fill out . I chose my key word - Refine - and refine I will . I have made so many changes in life in the last couple years , and though they 've been incredibly positive . . . I definitely need to refine myself . Shore things up , straighten edges . It 's hard to admit when things need to be fixed in oneself , but how great to know I work for somebody who expects nothing less from us than constant growth . Can 't beat that ! So I 'll be spending some blogging time in the next year going over my progress . We had to fill out physical goals as well , and with us looking to start a family , I made my physical goal simply to take care of my body . Exercise . Whether it 's walking on a treadmill or running , pregnant or not pregnant , I will take care of my body . Including a dismissal of my LOVE for taco bell . That parts actually a bit more intimidating to me than the exercise itself ! Haha ! Miss Amber Alseth has been in Minneapolis for her Grandma 's memorial , and she came home today ! I went and picked her up from the airport . I 'm so used to having this girl around all the time it was definitely strange not seeing her face over the last several days ! Tuesday night book study night ! Today I went to lunch with the lovely Julie Mironchuk , much enjoyed and WAY overdue ! And after tackling and FINISHING a list approximately a mile long of things to do around the house Monday , I was able to just come home after work and relax until the girls came over . So , I curled up on the couch , wrapped in a blanket , fireplace on , The Wizard of Oz on the TV , and red nail polish for my fingernails ! The picture isn 't clear of the TV , but you see my view for the afternoon ! So nice to have a completely empty afternoon ! Book club lasted all of 30 minutes , before everybody separated into other conversation . I love getting to visit with these girls every week ! Monday date day ! We stuck close to home this week , with both of us getting over some pretty hefty head colds . So , we started out with Clancy 's Coffee , and then headed out to Enumclaw to get some pictures for a BPO we 're doing . We weren 't sure where the heck the street was , so we pulled over in a church parking lot , and stumbled upon this ! How cute is it ? ? ! ! It totally made me think of Elbe 's church ! After Enumclaw , and stopping in to visit with Michelle , we headed home where I tackled a list of things I wanted to get done around the house . All in all it was a great day , getting to spend some much enjoyed time with Josh , and getting to scrub down the house ! PRAISE THE LORD ! ! ! ! I can confidently say that last night was THE BEST sleep I 've gotten on a Saturday night since starting my job here at Foursquare Church ! I fell asleep easily , and early , and woke up refreshed and without an alarm clock at 445a . I don 't need to get out of bed until 545a , so I just snuggled up in bed and relaxed . It feels so good to be ALIVE and AWAKE today ! No picture though . . . I attempted to take one of Josh when we were at lunch at Famous Dave 's , but my phone didn 't have enough battery to open the camera , and my actual camera was in my computer bag ! Preserving Memories I 've done a bit more thanksgiving shopping . I got some really fun purple and green wine glasses , and a water pitcher to match our dishes . I still have a list a mile long of things I want to do for our first Thanksgiving that we as a married couple get to host , but I set up my table with what I had so far . So , I thought you 'd enjoy the progression ! Owen spent Friday afternoon with me . He came into the office when he got out of preschool , and spent the last hour of my work day being spoiled by everybody I work with . He left the church with MOUNDS of candy and new toys ! No wonder he likes to hang out at work with Auntie ! I still wasn 't feeling well from my cold , and was just sick to my stomach about the dog thing . Owen overheard me tell Sarah how I was feeling , and spent the rest of the afternoon telling me he was sick too , and at one point he yelled from his carseat " Auntie Auntie I 'm gonna puke ! " I quickly get into a parking lot and get him out of his seat , only to watch him walk over to this light post , spit just like his Uncle Joshie , sit down and say " Auntie , I just need a break " . . . . seriously ? Haha ! I got his rear back into his carseat and took him back to my house ! Funny boy ! Chest colds . Definitely not at the top of my list of favorite things to have . So , after work , and Team Camp , I went home , and fired up the vaporizer . I wish you could see the amount of steam coming out of this sucker ! Well well well . Today was supposed to be a post full of pictures of our sweet new puppies . However , the people we purchased these dogs from chose to take our money and not put them on the flight to Seattle . They spent the day streaming excuses , and asking for more money . So , instead of being excited to show off new additions to our house , I went to be upset and feeling absolutely taken advantage of . We spent almost 2 hours on the phone with United Cargo , trying to figure out if there was a flight we could get the dogs on today , but , whether or not we can get the dogs on a flight is neither here nor there . If the " sellers " don 't put them on a flight it 's just more wasted money . The photo today shows off what I did while waiting those hours for United to answer . Roger is writing a book about the Anatomy of a Soldier , and he has chosen me to take notes on it for him . I have pages and pages of written notes that I need to get into outline form for him this week , so I sat down in the living room , and went to work while listening to the HIDEOUS hold music ! Great times ! Josh and I are hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year , and we are so excited ! In reading Uncharted TerriTori , by Tori Spelling , I got some incredible ideas for hosting parties , since her mother is the QUEEN of hosting ! Haha ! On my lunch today , I headed up to Joann fabrics , and got some material to make some table runners for both the tables for guests and the table to display the food on . There is one more piece of material I want to get my hands on , a sheer goldish material that will be bunched and draped over the table runners themselves , decorated with the leaves from our wedding . It 's going to look so great , I can 't wait to have it decorated and take pictures to show off ! But today , it 's just the ideas thrown on a table together , but use your imaginations with me , it 's going to be fabulous ! Monday Date Day ! Today Josh and I headed up to Seattle for the day . We window shopped through Pacific Place , and checked out all the odd little shops that Pike Place Market has to offer . I love that we get to spend these days together , creating memories and just being together ! After we got back into town , we met my mom , Michelle and Owen at Red Robin for dinner , and Owen was in awe of my " green burrito " , otherwise known as my Whiskey River BBQ Chicken Wrap . He had to eat some of it ! It was too cute ! After services today , and a good nap , Josh and I headed down to Orting to do dinner with the fam . When we got there , Michelle 's good friend Lindsey Borg and her fiance were having their engagement photos taken , and Michelle was " babysitting " their 8 week old boxer puppy . I promptly picked him up and stuck him on my lap , where he slept until they were done with the photo shoot ! This little guy 's name is Gus , and he 's so precious ! Definitely got Josh and I excited for our additions this week ! ! No picture today either . But dang I felt accomplished anyway ! I got up , worked out , got ALL the laundry done , including our bedding , got the entire house cleaned , did my devos , AND visited with Michelle for an hour ! How great to get all of that done before weekend services start ! I knew I was going to be able to enjoy my Sunday afternoon and Monday off without guilt ! Right after work today Leah picked me up , and we headed up to Kent to meet Amber , Rylee , & Lindsey for Manicures and Pedicures , before going out to celebrate Lindsey 's birthday . We went to a salon called Pauline 's Nail Spa , and then up to Lindsey 's house to get ready and met several of her friends at Joey 's in Bellevue for dinner . Joey 's was SLAMMED , so Troy took it upon himself to find us a place to eat sooner than later , and we ended up eating at Palomino , which was fabulous ! Everybody seemed to really enjoy themselves , mostly Lindsey , which made me so happy ! She is one of the most amazing women you 'd ever have the pleasure of meeting ! I chose miss Rylee for my photo of the day though , because of how dang precious she was hanging out with us at the salon ! She looks so much like Amber in this picture to me ! Directly after work on Thursday I met up with Leah and Mikey to find a dress for Lindsey 's 30th Birthday Bash . I wish I had taken a picture of Mikey , he was hysterical ! I love that kid so much ! So , no picture today . . . but work , shopping , and another great week of Team Camp ! GretaTheodoreSo here it is guys ! We have officially decided to purchase these two precious little things ! We will get them next week , and we can 't wait ! The boy 's name will be Theodore , to be called Theo or Teddy , and the girl 's name is Greta . These of course are not pictures I 've taken , but until I can overwhelm you all with pictures I 've taken of them , this is going to have to do ! " DAY " CATIONSJosh and I have Mondays off together . Its the only full day off each week for us . So , today , we chose to start a tradition of " day " cations . We 'll spend the day checking out a place in the northwest that we can get to and from in the span of a day . Today , was Port Townsend . Wow . I 've been there once , when I was in high school , and was excited to get Josh back there to see the " battery " . . . it 's this place called Fort Worden , and it 's a huge building of creepy rooms and dark hallways . The water is so pretty out there , and you look right out to the straight of Juan De Fuca . After Fort Worden , we tracked down the Manresa Castle . I watched an afternoon of " The scariest places in America " on the Travel Channel , and this " castle " was on it . So , some what reluctantly , we checked it out . When we walked in , the woman behind the desk asked us if we needed anything and told us to feel free to check it out . We checked out the parlor , the ballroom , and started walking down the hallways . We started down a particular hallway , and we heard what sounded like laughter , that turned into a different noise . I can 't really describe it . . . but needless to say , we looked at each other , raised our eye brows , and LEFT ! We had a great time today , just exploring the area , and I look forward to many more Mondays with my tall drink of water ! There are some people that you can have around you for months , and not discover their uniqueness . . . . Courtney is one of those girls . She is a 2nd year MI student , and she and I share a bond now that I believe is life long . On the outside she looks just like any other adorable college girl . But , she has serious kidney problems , which can really wear her down and knock her out . It 's hard to be 19 yrs old and not always be able to keep up with your friends , and I was just a bit younger than her when I found out about my heart disease . So , just like Courtney , I look completely normal on the outside , yet struggle physically because of the inside . She gets me and I get her . And I love her all the more for it . For her strength to just trek through each day with her hysterical sense of humor , and her desire to grow in who she is . There is a little girl at our church , 13 months old , and precious ! Her name is Marybella , and I snag a snuggle from that sweet girl every chance I get ! Marybella was dedicated at church tonight , so I told the family I 'd take pictures for them to remember the evening by . I didn 't promise anything special , but they were so excited just to know that they would have photos period ! They are such a sweet family ! Josh 's baby sister married her best friend , the man of her dreams tonight . And she was gorgeous . While getting ready she just glowed . I took this picture with my phone to send to Josh , he needed to see the big smile on Robyn 's face ! I am so happy for her , she has chosen an incredible man who will cherish her and be all that she dreams her husband would be ! Ok , so I know I didn 't take this picture , but I 'm choosing it to be my picture of the day , because I wish I HAD taken it ! Isn 't he precious ? ? ? A couple weeks ago a friend of mine had her house burglarlized and her husband was held hostage during the ordeal . And then a couple nights ago a drug deal gone bad at the south hill mall turned into a high speed chase and an officer chasing him on foot through the woods ( by our house ! ) before shooting him . And to add insult to injury Josh locked himself out of the house the other morning and I slept through him banging on the door , ringing the door bell , and finally breaking into the house . It was at this point that I realized we needed to hvae the guns back in our house ( Josh has an arsenal but we just didn 't have the room at our home downtown to store them ) and a dog . And Josh had me checking online for English Bulldogs . . . . now , they 're spendy little guys . . . until we came across HIM ! He 's champion blood line , AKC , yadda yadda yadda good , and we can get him for a STEAL ! We 're making our final decision tonight ! ! I didn 't take a picture today . I didn 't even THINK about it . Which is super sad because I spent the evening with Lindsey and had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory with her , where we had a FABULOUS Reese 's peanut butter caramel heaven piece of cheesecake ! I feel like I never get to see Linds enough , so I think I was too into getting to visit with her to think about pictures ! But , needless to say , I had an always great time with her ! We 're on the final countdown for Robyn and DJ 's wedding . And it 's funny , because each time I 'm in a wedding I find myself doing a ton of prep work on myself , so they can be proud to have me in their weddings ! So , tonight , I get to color my hair . Yes , I color my own hair . And I use the cheap stuff . . . and I LOVE it ! So don 't judge ! : - ) Tomorrow I have bible study , but I 'm hoping to go get a spray tan . Thursday is a manicure , and Friday is THEIR WEDDING ! ! ! ! So it seems that these last few weeks I 've just not been able to get some solid sleep under me . I 'm sleeping great , but there just aren 't enough hours of sleep to really keep me going , and yesterday , I crashed . Left work early , to go home , and be in bed by 7p ( I know , on a Saturday night , don 't be jealous ! ) , and instead of getting up and being at work at 630a , I slept until after 10a ! I am so thankful for a job that absolutely understands self preservation ! After spending 90 % of my day relaxing in bed watching shows on the travel channel about the most haunted places in America ( I ALWAYS get sucked into those things ! ) Josh and I went down to Orting to see the family . Owen has really started using his imagination and has spent the last 3 days telling us all to call him " Max " while he runs around the house being a kitty . It 's so cute ! He was able to break out of character long enough to have a kid sized popsicle tonight though ! And look at the soda in Josh 's hand ! He really has the biggest hands I 've ever seen , and manages to make everything he holds look small , but this is really a small can to begin with . The boys and their " tiny treats " ! I love it ! I 've always wanted to do a pin - up style photo shoot . The glam and sexiness of the 40 's has always seemed so cool to me ! Christy Pelland of C . Pelland Photography is currently having a contest , and the grand prize is a PIN UP PHOTO SHOOT ! So , this morning , I downloaded the 16 songs that make me feel my sexiest , and popped it in the mail . Wish me luck ! ! ! No picture today . Brought my camera and everything . Had a crazy busy day at work , and after work got ready for my sister in law Robyn 's bachelorette party . We went to Indochine for dinner , and of course the food was fabulous ! Robyn is really excited to get married , and I 'm so excited for her , she is an incredible girl and she deserves the best !
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I 'm really tired right now . We stayed up a little too late last night ( everyone did , I didn 't go to sleep till close to 11pm ) watching Davy Crockett and the River Pirates , and then everyone slept in . . . . except me . I couldn 't . Mom cancelled school for today , said we 'd be outside in the garden working and getting ready for the party we 're having out here on Sunday . But I couldn 't take today off of school , I had waaaay too much work to finish up . ( High school does that to ya ) So I was up at the crack o ' dawn ( 4 : 50am ) as usual to shower and start school . Six wonderful hours of sleep ! No , I 'm not kidding or complaining , just " statin ' the facts . " : ) Okay , one more thing : I know what I 'll be playing for the piano recital ( May ) ! ! ! It 's always nice to know ASAP : ) I 'll be playing " Waltz in B flat minor " by Chopin . Yes , this is the same one I played for the Chopin group class in March , but no matter . It 's a good performance piece , and I can have fun with the dynamics and the tempo ( something I really like to to do : P ) . EDIT @ 4 : 45pm : Just took an hour long nap : ) Ahh . . . . then I had a nice cracker snack with the rest of the gang and headed outside with Zu . Inigo came out with us , and once we 'd gotten to the garden , Zu and I settled down to play in the dirt and Inigo grabbed the hose . It has an adjustable spray nozzle on the end . In about two minutes flat , he 'd proceeded to * completely * soak himself with the hose : ) Because it was hot , I asked him to spray something gently over towards Zuzu and I . Well . . . . . . . to make a long story short , now both of us are drenched too : P EDIT @ 5 : 39 : In from another break from the garden . After Mama came out and started to plant , I continued to watch Zuzu , and had her sitting on my lap . I gave her a mint leaf to chew on , which promptly got stuck in the back of her throat , triggering the natural reaction of her body to get rid of it . So . . . . to make another long ( and rather disgusting ) story short , the two of us are on our way upstairs to take a bath : P B ) Pick five bloggers who deserve this award C ) Leave a comment on their blog , and tell them that you tagged them ! D ) Answer these questions and put them up in your post : 4 : Do you live on a prairie , woodland , swamp , city or other ? We live on a partially wooded farm , but since it has some cleared space , I 'm not sure how to classify it . How about " rural " ? : ) 11 : Do you sleep with a stuffed toy ( BE HONEST ! ! ! ! ) ' Course I do ! ! ! I sleep with 15 stuffed animals ( maybe more ) : ) That 's the truth , and I 'm not ashamed of it in the least : ) . . . I turned 15 and a half ! YAHOO ! ! ! ! ! Do you have any idea how long six months is ? It seems like I 've been " plain old fifteen " FOREVER ! ! ! Half birthdays are " celebrated " in style here in the March home . The half birthday girl or boy gets to go out with Mama and Dad for supper that night ( or some night right around then if the acutal night is not an option ) by themselves . Just them three . In a family of ten , this is very important : ) So last night , we came into town for kids ' choir at church around 5pm ( Titty , Marie , Peter and Luke are in it , Leia and I help out ) then , when it ended , we dropped everyone off at Grandma and Grandpa 's for supper while us three went out . Because the place I wanted to go ( Aromas ) was closed , we went to Flaming Wok instead . For all those who want to know , I had sweet and sour chicken : ) Then we went to Kohr Brothers for ice cream . For all those who want to know , I had a Reese 's blizzard : ) :) : ) Yummy ! : ) Then we went back and picked up everyone and came home . I had a splendid time , I really enjoy getting to spend one on one time with my parents . And , another kinda important thing about this half - birthday is that now I can legally get my learner 's permit ! Yep - i - doodle , and I most certainly am : ) ( FYI , my parents think it 's fine : P ) Actually , I just did a little practice test on the computer ( they give you a basic knowledge test , road signs and such , before you 're allowed to get your permit ) and scored 100 % on both parts , so I don 't think it 'll be a problem . \ A funny thing about the permit is this : I didn 't want one , didn 't expect to get one , about a year ago . Who cares about driving ? You know when I really started to care ? When Julia started talking about getting hersand then friend got her and another friend got his , and all of a sudden , the permit was a subject of interest . And then my grandpa said us girls could buy his old pick - up truck ( which used to be Dad 's ) for two dollar ( even if it is a stick shift ) . . . . things just sort of pile up , you know ? Long or short of it , I want my permit now : ) Not that I was suffering from peer pressure or anything , it was just that getting a permit was in my mind , and driving started sounding more neat and interesting than scary . I know it 's a big responsibility , but it 'll be fun learning to be responsible , eh ? : ) Dad said we can go together to get it ( my permit ) next week ! Oh yeah ! P . S . Nana , my HTML gal , do you know how to format my posts so that Blogger doesn 't do this annoying line break thing ? ( example : in the first couple sentences of this post , in the word " six " where " si " is on one line and " x " is on the other ? ) And , to top it off , a video : ) I know y ' all have heard quite a bit about my piano playing and that Julia and I have done duets in the past . Here 's one that we did for our piano recital two years ago : " YMCA " from Jo March on Vimeo . Yes , this is my very own daybook : ) I 've wanted to do one for a while , but I couldn 't find one I liked ! So I 've combined my favorite parts of different daybooks to make my own ! Anyone is welcome to join in it ! Just leave me a comment telling me you are ! Date . . . April 24 , 2010 Starting time . . . 7 : 35amMood . . . happy and a little sleepyOutside my window . . . sun is just coming up , pretty : ) I 'm thinking . . . wouldn 't it be nice if every morning started this slowly : PI 'm currently reading . . . The Grand Sophy by Georgette HeyerThe Saturdays by Elizabeth Enright ( for the zillionth time ! ) I 'm listening to . . . GoGo and Zuzu rifling through the bin of plastic soldiers beside me : ) I 'm wearing . . . * sigh * honestly . . . . well . . . . my pajamas and robe : ) I 'm looking forward to . . . music giveaway at my piano teacher 's house at 9 : 30 ! ! ! ! I 'm hoping . . . that today will run smoothly and not be stressful ( we have a lot of things to do ) Yesterday , I . . . worked outside with the pickaxe and crowbar for a while and now I 'm really sore . We also watched Sarah , Plain and Tall and stayed up till 11 : 30pm : ) I 'm hungry for . . . BREAKFAST , no matter * what * it is ! The song stuck inside my head is . . . Hello Seattle by Owl City . Someone had it on their blog playlist yesterday and I just let it play and now I CAN ' T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD ! ! ! ! I love . . . listening to a little brother trying to bribe his 9 month old sister to stop taking his soldiers : ) I loathe . . . scratchy clothing tagsThis week , my goal is . . . to finish my Grammar unit on Adverbs ! Did I meet last week 's goal ? . . . This is my first week : ) Ending time . . . 7 : 44am I have a new button ! I just put it in the sidebar . I 'm still not 100 % happy with it . Any suggestions on font size , color or style ? If you think it 's fine , go ahead and replace my old button in your own sidebar with the new one : ) EDIT : So far , the general consensus seems to be " change the text color " : ) I agree . I couldn 't think of what color to do when I was making it ( I tried white , pink , green , yellow ) but none seemed to work as well as the black . Then Nana suggested layering two colors , great idea ! Keep the suggestions coming , I 'll work on the button again tonight and post up what I end up creating tomorrow : ) The older I get , the more I realize how complicated the world is . I used to think ( up till fairly recently ) that most people were / are either good or bad . Not many " in - betweeners " . Especially since we 've been studying the War Between the States , I 've discovered that there are many " in - betweeners " and that you can 't say , " He 's bad , " or " He 's good , " because every " good " person has their faults and most " bad " people have their good sides , although they might be hard to find sometimes . It frustrates me to see this man " exalted . " Like in the Cobblestone magazine last year . Children were asked to send in their vote ( with hand drawn pictures and reports if they wanted to ) for their favorite president ( of the United States ) . All the votes were counted , and the results came in . Abraham Lincoln was top on the list , followed by George Washington . Pretty classic , huh ? Cobblestone devoted entire issues to Lincoln , " The Great Emancipator " , making him seem like a demi - god . It 's frustrating . The reason it 's frustrating is because most of America today is misinformed . Not ignorant , just misinformed . And before I get into all this , I do want to say one thing : I do not " hate " Abraham Lincoln . There are some very anti - Lincoln folks out there , but I am not one of them . And , while I 'm at it , let 's just say I don 't hate Clinton or Obama either . Got it ? To start , I think we need to understand where this man is coming from . Lincoln had a rough life . His mother died when he was 9 . He lost his fiancee , Ann Rutledge , ( the woman he really loved ) when he was twenty - four , not long before they were to be married . His wife , Mary Todd , was selfish and spoiled and she and Lincoln did not get along very well . He lost two of his sons to illness during his lifetime . And , he was president through the most difficult war this country has ever had to face . He got rid of slavery in this country ( sort of ) . And then , he was assassinated . Poor guy . Trust me , I believe that his death was completely uncalled for , and I do not think that it was a good thing in any way . John Wilkes Booth disobeyed one of the Ten Commandments ( You shall not murder ) and was in the wrong , and that 's all there is to it . Obviously , to get through all this , Lincoln had to be a stubborn man with some kind of a backbone . It 's this " backbone " that makes him famous , and * cough * " loved . " BUT , there is another side of him that most people have either ignored or have never been taught . This is the side of Lincoln that makes me . . . . not like him so very much . He started out as a faithful Whig , then , when he wanted to run for the Republican nomination for president after the Whig party fizzled out , he conveniently changed his agenda , platform and * entire belief system * to fit the Republican party . He was able to promise the people the things they wanted , including the promises that he wouldn 't touch the issue of slavery and that black people ought to be sent out of the country away to Africa so that they wouldn 't pollute the nation . Yeah , " the black man 's friend . " " Lincoln was a master politician , which means that he was a consummate conniver , manipulator and liar . " ~ Murry RothbardDuring the War , Lincoln suspended the writ of Habeus Corpus ( that 's the right to a fair trial and to not be arrested without a valid reason ) and then threw thousands of pro - Southern newspaper reporters and publishers and pro - South delegates to Northern state conventions into prison for the entire duration of the War . Many died . How about the Emancipation Proclamation ? Lincoln , " The Great Emancipator " ! ! ! ! Right ? Actually , I 'll give him credit for that . The Proclamation spurred on the passing of the Thirteenth Amendment to our Constitution that prohibits slavery . But the Proclamation didn 't actually free any slaves . Yup . Lincoln specifically wrote that the slaves were freed in all the Southern states and territories not occupied by Federal troops . So all the slaves that lived in places where emancipation could not be enforced were free , but the slaves in Kentucky and Maryland and the parts of Northern Virginia where Federal troops were were just as enslaved as ever before . I 'll have to say one thing about this book though : It 's a little biased . I didn 't particularly care for it myself because it was a little too rough , but it opened my eyes to many things that I didn 't know before , so I 'll say it 's worth the read . But do understand that I 'm not as extreme and anti - Lincoln as Mr . DiLorenzo . This truly a wonderful book , a masterpiece . Well thought out , well written , not biased and CHRISTIAN ! ! ! ! Dwyer highlights the Christian spirit of men both North and South , tells the story as it really happened , both the bad and the good for both sides . This is THE BOOK to read ! ! ! ! So , the point of this post is this : rarely is this world black and white . There 's a lot of gray fuzzy lines in between which make blanket statements such as , " Abraham Lincoln was the worst president EVER ! " and " Abraham Lincoln was the best president EVER ! " very hard to say and very hard to prove . One of my friends asked recently , after I said that Lincoln was one of my least favorite presidents , * sigh * You have a point there . : ) How about Jefferson ? Jackson ? Grant ? FDR ? Carter ? Obama ? The list goes on . It 's fruitless to compare . The best thing to do is to read your history , be informed so that you can help your friends , family and ultimately your country avoid repeating history 's mistakes . This is really important in today 's world . Abraham Lincoln changed the way the government of the United States ran . He changed the way war was run . His " total war " strategy is what shaped the way WWI , WWII even up to Operation Iraqi Freedom were / are fought . ( " Total war " is war on civilians , bombing places were non - combatants are as part of a war strategy ) . He was not the ideal president . But guess what ? God knew . God knew Lincoln would not uphold truth and justice . He knew what he would do . It was God 's will that the valiant cause of the South was lost . That 's why I don 't say that I wish the South had won the War . ( even though I do like the South much better than the North : P ) The Lord knew that our country would work better as one than as two or three parts . ( North , South , West ) What would the world be like if someone other than Lincoln had been president . Very different , I 'm telling you . Well , that 's all I was going to say . : P Kinda long - winded I know , sorry . And , I 'm not sure how to end this , so THE END . : ) Was this post interesting to you ? Does it make sense ? Did it make you think ? I am being too . . . . hard ? Would you like me to do another post like this , either about Lincoln or about the whole " good guy vs . bad guy " idea ? I 'd love to hear your feedback . Over the past month , my teacher gave a challenge to her students : play all 24 major and minor scales in under 8 minutes , and you can come to a music give away at my house ! Fun , right ? Yeah . She 's done this before , years ago , with just the major scales , and we had to do them in * I think * 5 minutes . I passed no problem . In fact , because of the hours of practicing I put in during that very difficult few months , I can now play all 12 major scales in 1 : 09 ! Pretty fast , if I may say so myself : ) So , I tackled this new challenge gung - ho ! Only one problem . . . . . the week before the give away was scheduled , I was going to be in Kentucky for Family Week and I still had eight minor scales to learn ! Yikes ! My teacher and I spent twenty minutes on the phone the day before we left working on scales . No fun . We got home , and had one more lesson ( in which I was going to be timed ) before the give away and I still had two very difficult scales to master . Then , oh joy ! , she postponed the date two weeks and made the time limit 10 minutes ! Hooray ! Yesterday was our last lesson before the music thing ( which is this Saturday ) . My teacher timed me while I played all my scales in almost exactly 5 minutes . Yeah ! Now I can go to the give away ! ( and have doughnuts and orange juice : P Which is more exciting ? ) THEN , my teacher told me that five other people who 've passed the " test " so far , all barely scraped through ( 9 : 55 for two folks , 9 : 40 for another , and I don 't remember the other two ) . So , I 'm the fastest to date ! I 'd like to apologize to y ' all for sending y ' all to that quiz site the other day . There were some inappropriate ads that popped up there . I had no idea that was going to happen ( I never would 've linked to it if I had known ) , and I felt really bad about : / That post is now deleted . It was a good wake - up call , though , to be always on the watch . There is sooo much evil out there in the world , we have to be constantly on guard ! I was just " talking " with Rachel and Sarah about what a blessing parents are , to help up through scrapes like this : ) You don 't know what a load this post takes off my mind . I tend to get a little in the dumps when I make a mistake like this ( no matter how " honest " it was ) . I hope that 's a sign that the Holy Spirit is working in me . Now for the five random facts about yours truly : I think that the 40s style of clothing ( for both gals and guys ) is really neat , and I wish that it was " back in fashion " . I prefer Dijon mustard to regular yellow mustard . It has more flavor , and I love foods / condiments with a kick : ) Nana : I linked your name to the Boutique , since that 's where people can go to see what an AWESOME DESIGNER YOU ARE ! ! ! ! I loved the backgrounds you made for Scraps , and I 'm still planning on using the yellow one for the summer ! : ) And your personal blog looks so cute : ) SORRY FOR SOME CONFUSION HERE ! ! ! ! ! I HAD THIS POST SCHEDULED TO POST THIS MORNING , AND MORE ENTRIES CAME IN LATE LAST NIGHT , AFTER I WENT TO BED ! I JUST UPDATED IT , SORRY FOLKS ! 2 . " I don 't care what you saw . There is a Santa Claus ! " " There ain 't ! " " Mr . Smith , there is a Santa Claus , isn 't there ? " " What did she say ? " " She said there isn 't . " " Then there is . " 3 . " Ah , but remember , my friends . Even [ name omitted ] has his Achilles heel . " " Pardon me , amigo . What is this chili deal ? " " Achilles heel , Pedro . This is meaning his , uh , weaknessess . " 4 . " You - you were kissing him ! " " I was kissing her ! I happen to be in love with her . " " That 's ridiculous . Everybody knows you 're in love with me . " 7 . " I know . I can 't help flying up on the wings of anticipation . It 's as glorious as soaring through a sunset . . . almost pays for the thud . " 8 . " Here , pretend . . . . pretend that that 's a seed . " " It 's a rock . " " Oh , I know it 's a rock , I know . But let 's just pretend for a minute that it 's a seed , alright ? We 'll just use our imaginations . Now , now do you see our tree ? Everything that made that giant tree is already contained inside this tiny little seed . All it needs is some time , a little bit of sunshine and rain , and voila ! " " This rock will be a tree ? " " Seed to tree . You 've gotta work with me here , alright ? Okay . Now , you might not feel like you can do much now , but that 's just because , well , you 're not a tree yet . You just have to give yourself some time . You 're still a seed . " " But it 's a rock . " " I KNOW IT ' S A ROCK ! ! ! Don 't you think I know a rock when I see a rock ? I 've spent a lot of time around rocks ! " " You 're weird , but I like you . " 10 . " A man can 't turn tail and run just because a little personal risk is involved . What did Shakespeare say ? ' Cowards die a thousand deaths , the brave man . . . . only 500 . ' " 11 . " Doesn 't sound too bad . I 'll try and stay awake . " " Oh , well , thank you very much , very nice of you . Your confidence in me is overwhelming . " Wow ! We had * 17 * entries this month ! That 's definitely a record : ) The most " popular " quote seemed to be # 9 ( from Love Comes Softly ) - 14 folks got that one ! Eldarwen 's having a blog party ! 1 ) How old are you ? I 'm 15 years old - will be 15 and a half in a little over two weeks2 ) What name do you go by on blogger ? Josephine March ( Jo for short ) 3 ) When is your birthday ? October 25 ! ! ! ! ! 4 ) If you could live anywhere in the world , besides where you live now , where would it be ? Hmm . . . . maybe Hawaii or Italy : ) 5 ) How did you find out about Blogger ? I 've known about it for as long as I can remember . . . . 6 ) Tell us something interesting about yourself : I 'm 5 ' 3 " and I decided long ago that I 'm going to marry someone taller than myself , which shouldn 't be difficult : P7 ) What was your favorite toy when you were little ? A little stuffed animal lamb called " Liza Lamb " that I carried around everywhere I went and used for show and tell at my preschool when I was four : P8 ) What is your favorite meal ? Have you ever cooked / helped cook that meal ? Chicken pot - pie ! and yes , I have definitely helped to make that meal ( sometimes I do everything by myself ) 9 ) If you could change one thing about yourself , what would it be ? I would be 100 times more patient ! 10 ) Are you an outside person , or an inside person ? Both , it really depends on the season and the weather : ) 11 ) Are you a mommy 's boy / girl , or a daddy 's boy / girl ? I would have to say that I 'm more my daddy 's girl : ) ( of course , I love both my parents equally , but I 'm most like Dad ) 12 ) In one word , describe the feeling you get when you stub your toe , after just being told by your parents that you are grounded for the next month : I would probably whistle through my teeth and then utterly destroy whatever just caused me to stub my toe . * nervous smile * Told ya I needed more patience ! 13 ) Let 's say you TP 'd your friend 's house ( for those of you who don 't know what TP 'd stands for , it means toilet papered . As in , put toilet paper on their trees , cars , house , porch , etc . ) . If someone asked you why you TP 'd your friends house , you would say : * cough * Pardon me ? Oh , that ? They deserved it . : ) 14 ) Have you ever gone swimming in deep , dark , dirty water ? Yes , Umm . . . . IDK . My natural instinct would be to call for Dad , but I don 't see that on this list : ) 18 ) How many friends do you have on blogger ? About five or six really good friends , and many others who I enjoy " spending time with " : ) 19 ) What makes blogging so much fun for you ? Getting comments ! 20 ) You 're a turtle , who has bet that you can win a race with a rabbit . How does it turn out ? Well , since the rabbit I 'm racing is quite alert and isn 't planning on going to sleep , I decided to fly in my turtle - sized helicopter over the finish line . There was nothing in the rules that said this had to be * running * race : P LOL . JK . : ) Mama and Daddy are out on a date . Everyone else is at home , being " babysat " by Leia and I . We 've just finished supper , and now it 's time to watch a movie ! This time ( we normally watch a movie every date night , which is about once a month or so ) we 're watching Lady and the Tramp , a movie that I 've been watching my whole life , but it was the first time for a couple of the younger crowd . So , I put the tape ( yes , it 's on VHS , the same tape we purchased when I was . . . . . never mind . It was over a decade ago . ) in the VHS player , and saw that it was in the middle . Everyone is crowding behind me , everyone wants to " see " . " There 's nothing to see right now . I just need to rewind the tape . It 'll be easy , since I can just rewind to the beginning of the movie . " I say . Or during some other films , not Lady and the Tramp , the boys like to act them out . Really act them out . Guns , swords , flipping off the ottoman , yelling , jumping on the sofa , throwing pillows , playing football . . . you name it ! This is especially true for movies like Facing the Giants , The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe , The Princess Bride , Star Wars , Gods and Generals or Gettysburg . Sound familiar ? As annoying as it * could * get , I actually enjoy it . Each of the little one 's personalities come out in the different comments and questions that they ask , and since I 've ( normally ) already seen the film , I 'm not really missing anything by talking over it . Despite what some people may say , our family interacts quite a lot with each other during movies : )
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I 'm really tired right now . We stayed up a little too late last night ( everyone did , I didn 't go to sleep till close to 11pm ) watching Davy Crockett and the River Pirates , and then everyone slept in . . . . except me . I couldn 't . Mom cancelled school for today , said we 'd be outside in the garden working and getting ready for the party we 're having out here on Sunday . But I couldn 't take today off of school , I had waaaay too much work to finish up . ( High school does that to ya ) So I was up at the crack o ' dawn ( 4 : 50am ) as usual to shower and start school . Six wonderful hours of sleep ! No , I 'm not kidding or complaining , just " statin ' the facts . " : ) Okay , one more thing : I know what I 'll be playing for the piano recital ( May ) ! ! ! It 's always nice to know ASAP : ) I 'll be playing " Waltz in B flat minor " by Chopin . Yes , this is the same one I played for the Chopin group class in March , but no matter . It 's a good performance piece , and I can have fun with the dynamics and the tempo ( something I really like to to do : P ) . EDIT @ 4 : 45pm : Just took an hour long nap : ) Ahh . . . . then I had a nice cracker snack with the rest of the gang and headed outside with Zu . Inigo came out with us , and once we 'd gotten to the garden , Zu and I settled down to play in the dirt and Inigo grabbed the hose . It has an adjustable spray nozzle on the end . In about two minutes flat , he 'd proceeded to * completely * soak himself with the hose : ) Because it was hot , I asked him to spray something gently over towards Zuzu and I . Well . . . . . . . to make a long story short , now both of us are drenched too : P EDIT @ 5 : 39 : In from another break from the garden . After Mama came out and started to plant , I continued to watch Zuzu , and had her sitting on my lap . I gave her a mint leaf to chew on , which promptly got stuck in the back of her throat , triggering the natural reaction of her body to get rid of it . So . . . . to make another long ( and rather disgusting ) story short , the two of us are on our way upstairs to take a bath : P B ) Pick five bloggers who deserve this award C ) Leave a comment on their blog , and tell them that you tagged them ! D ) Answer these questions and put them up in your post : 4 : Do you live on a prairie , woodland , swamp , city or other ? We live on a partially wooded farm , but since it has some cleared space , I 'm not sure how to classify it . How about " rural " ? : ) 11 : Do you sleep with a stuffed toy ( BE HONEST ! ! ! ! ) ' Course I do ! ! ! I sleep with 15 stuffed animals ( maybe more ) : ) That 's the truth , and I 'm not ashamed of it in the least : ) . . . I turned 15 and a half ! YAHOO ! ! ! ! ! Do you have any idea how long six months is ? It seems like I 've been " plain old fifteen " FOREVER ! ! ! Half birthdays are " celebrated " in style here in the March home . The half birthday girl or boy gets to go out with Mama and Dad for supper that night ( or some night right around then if the acutal night is not an option ) by themselves . Just them three . In a family of ten , this is very important : ) So last night , we came into town for kids ' choir at church around 5pm ( Titty , Marie , Peter and Luke are in it , Leia and I help out ) then , when it ended , we dropped everyone off at Grandma and Grandpa 's for supper while us three went out . Because the place I wanted to go ( Aromas ) was closed , we went to Flaming Wok instead . For all those who want to know , I had sweet and sour chicken : ) Then we went to Kohr Brothers for ice cream . For all those who want to know , I had a Reese 's blizzard : ) :) : ) Yummy ! : ) Then we went back and picked up everyone and came home . I had a splendid time , I really enjoy getting to spend one on one time with my parents . And , another kinda important thing about this half - birthday is that now I can legally get my learner 's permit ! Yep - i - doodle , and I most certainly am : ) ( FYI , my parents think it 's fine : P ) Actually , I just did a little practice test on the computer ( they give you a basic knowledge test , road signs and such , before you 're allowed to get your permit ) and scored 100 % on both parts , so I don 't think it 'll be a problem . \ A funny thing about the permit is this : I didn 't want one , didn 't expect to get one , about a year ago . Who cares about driving ? You know when I really started to care ? When Julia started talking about getting hersand then friend got her and another friend got his , and all of a sudden , the permit was a subject of interest . And then my grandpa said us girls could buy his old pick - up truck ( which used to be Dad 's ) for two dollar ( even if it is a stick shift ) . . . . things just sort of pile up , you know ? Long or short of it , I want my permit now : ) Not that I was suffering from peer pressure or anything , it was just that getting a permit was in my mind , and driving started sounding more neat and interesting than scary . I know it 's a big responsibility , but it 'll be fun learning to be responsible , eh ? : ) Dad said we can go together to get it ( my permit ) next week ! Oh yeah ! P . S . Nana , my HTML gal , do you know how to format my posts so that Blogger doesn 't do this annoying line break thing ? ( example : in the first couple sentences of this post , in the word " six " where " si " is on one line and " x " is on the other ? ) And , to top it off , a video : ) I know y ' all have heard quite a bit about my piano playing and that Julia and I have done duets in the past . Here 's one that we did for our piano recital two years ago : " YMCA " from Jo March on Vimeo . Yes , this is my very own daybook : ) I 've wanted to do one for a while , but I couldn 't find one I liked ! So I 've combined my favorite parts of different daybooks to make my own ! Anyone is welcome to join in it ! Just leave me a comment telling me you are ! Date . . . April 24 , 2010 Starting time . . . 7 : 35amMood . . . happy and a little sleepyOutside my window . . . sun is just coming up , pretty : ) I 'm thinking . . . wouldn 't it be nice if every morning started this slowly : PI 'm currently reading . . . The Grand Sophy by Georgette HeyerThe Saturdays by Elizabeth Enright ( for the zillionth time ! ) I 'm listening to . . . GoGo and Zuzu rifling through the bin of plastic soldiers beside me : ) I 'm wearing . . . * sigh * honestly . . . . well . . . . my pajamas and robe : ) I 'm looking forward to . . . music giveaway at my piano teacher 's house at 9 : 30 ! ! ! ! I 'm hoping . . . that today will run smoothly and not be stressful ( we have a lot of things to do ) Yesterday , I . . . worked outside with the pickaxe and crowbar for a while and now I 'm really sore . We also watched Sarah , Plain and Tall and stayed up till 11 : 30pm : ) I 'm hungry for . . . BREAKFAST , no matter * what * it is ! The song stuck inside my head is . . . Hello Seattle by Owl City . Someone had it on their blog playlist yesterday and I just let it play and now I CAN ' T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD ! ! ! ! I love . . . listening to a little brother trying to bribe his 9 month old sister to stop taking his soldiers : ) I loathe . . . scratchy clothing tagsThis week , my goal is . . . to finish my Grammar unit on Adverbs ! Did I meet last week 's goal ? . . . This is my first week : ) Ending time . . . 7 : 44am I have a new button ! I just put it in the sidebar . I 'm still not 100 % happy with it . Any suggestions on font size , color or style ? If you think it 's fine , go ahead and replace my old button in your own sidebar with the new one : ) EDIT : So far , the general consensus seems to be " change the text color " : ) I agree . I couldn 't think of what color to do when I was making it ( I tried white , pink , green , yellow ) but none seemed to work as well as the black . Then Nana suggested layering two colors , great idea ! Keep the suggestions coming , I 'll work on the button again tonight and post up what I end up creating tomorrow : ) The older I get , the more I realize how complicated the world is . I used to think ( up till fairly recently ) that most people were / are either good or bad . Not many " in - betweeners " . Especially since we 've been studying the War Between the States , I 've discovered that there are many " in - betweeners " and that you can 't say , " He 's bad , " or " He 's good , " because every " good " person has their faults and most " bad " people have their good sides , although they might be hard to find sometimes . It frustrates me to see this man " exalted . " Like in the Cobblestone magazine last year . Children were asked to send in their vote ( with hand drawn pictures and reports if they wanted to ) for their favorite president ( of the United States ) . All the votes were counted , and the results came in . Abraham Lincoln was top on the list , followed by George Washington . Pretty classic , huh ? Cobblestone devoted entire issues to Lincoln , " The Great Emancipator " , making him seem like a demi - god . It 's frustrating . The reason it 's frustrating is because most of America today is misinformed . Not ignorant , just misinformed . And before I get into all this , I do want to say one thing : I do not " hate " Abraham Lincoln . There are some very anti - Lincoln folks out there , but I am not one of them . And , while I 'm at it , let 's just say I don 't hate Clinton or Obama either . Got it ? To start , I think we need to understand where this man is coming from . Lincoln had a rough life . His mother died when he was 9 . He lost his fiancee , Ann Rutledge , ( the woman he really loved ) when he was twenty - four , not long before they were to be married . His wife , Mary Todd , was selfish and spoiled and she and Lincoln did not get along very well . He lost two of his sons to illness during his lifetime . And , he was president through the most difficult war this country has ever had to face . He got rid of slavery in this country ( sort of ) . And then , he was assassinated . Poor guy . Trust me , I believe that his death was completely uncalled for , and I do not think that it was a good thing in any way . John Wilkes Booth disobeyed one of the Ten Commandments ( You shall not murder ) and was in the wrong , and that 's all there is to it . Obviously , to get through all this , Lincoln had to be a stubborn man with some kind of a backbone . It 's this " backbone " that makes him famous , and * cough * " loved . " BUT , there is another side of him that most people have either ignored or have never been taught . This is the side of Lincoln that makes me . . . . not like him so very much . He started out as a faithful Whig , then , when he wanted to run for the Republican nomination for president after the Whig party fizzled out , he conveniently changed his agenda , platform and * entire belief system * to fit the Republican party . He was able to promise the people the things they wanted , including the promises that he wouldn 't touch the issue of slavery and that black people ought to be sent out of the country away to Africa so that they wouldn 't pollute the nation . Yeah , " the black man 's friend . " " Lincoln was a master politician , which means that he was a consummate conniver , manipulator and liar . " ~ Murry RothbardDuring the War , Lincoln suspended the writ of Habeus Corpus ( that 's the right to a fair trial and to not be arrested without a valid reason ) and then threw thousands of pro - Southern newspaper reporters and publishers and pro - South delegates to Northern state conventions into prison for the entire duration of the War . Many died . How about the Emancipation Proclamation ? Lincoln , " The Great Emancipator " ! ! ! ! Right ? Actually , I 'll give him credit for that . The Proclamation spurred on the passing of the Thirteenth Amendment to our Constitution that prohibits slavery . But the Proclamation didn 't actually free any slaves . Yup . Lincoln specifically wrote that the slaves were freed in all the Southern states and territories not occupied by Federal troops . So all the slaves that lived in places where emancipation could not be enforced were free , but the slaves in Kentucky and Maryland and the parts of Northern Virginia where Federal troops were were just as enslaved as ever before . I 'll have to say one thing about this book though : It 's a little biased . I didn 't particularly care for it myself because it was a little too rough , but it opened my eyes to many things that I didn 't know before , so I 'll say it 's worth the read . But do understand that I 'm not as extreme and anti - Lincoln as Mr . DiLorenzo . This truly a wonderful book , a masterpiece . Well thought out , well written , not biased and CHRISTIAN ! ! ! ! Dwyer highlights the Christian spirit of men both North and South , tells the story as it really happened , both the bad and the good for both sides . This is THE BOOK to read ! ! ! ! So , the point of this post is this : rarely is this world black and white . There 's a lot of gray fuzzy lines in between which make blanket statements such as , " Abraham Lincoln was the worst president EVER ! " and " Abraham Lincoln was the best president EVER ! " very hard to say and very hard to prove . One of my friends asked recently , after I said that Lincoln was one of my least favorite presidents , * sigh * You have a point there . : ) How about Jefferson ? Jackson ? Grant ? FDR ? Carter ? Obama ? The list goes on . It 's fruitless to compare . The best thing to do is to read your history , be informed so that you can help your friends , family and ultimately your country avoid repeating history 's mistakes . This is really important in today 's world . Abraham Lincoln changed the way the government of the United States ran . He changed the way war was run . His " total war " strategy is what shaped the way WWI , WWII even up to Operation Iraqi Freedom were / are fought . ( " Total war " is war on civilians , bombing places were non - combatants are as part of a war strategy ) . He was not the ideal president . But guess what ? God knew . God knew Lincoln would not uphold truth and justice . He knew what he would do . It was God 's will that the valiant cause of the South was lost . That 's why I don 't say that I wish the South had won the War . ( even though I do like the South much better than the North : P ) The Lord knew that our country would work better as one than as two or three parts . ( North , South , West ) What would the world be like if someone other than Lincoln had been president . Very different , I 'm telling you . Well , that 's all I was going to say . : P Kinda long - winded I know , sorry . And , I 'm not sure how to end this , so THE END . : ) Was this post interesting to you ? Does it make sense ? Did it make you think ? I am being too . . . . hard ? Would you like me to do another post like this , either about Lincoln or about the whole " good guy vs . bad guy " idea ? I 'd love to hear your feedback . Over the past month , my teacher gave a challenge to her students : play all 24 major and minor scales in under 8 minutes , and you can come to a music give away at my house ! Fun , right ? Yeah . She 's done this before , years ago , with just the major scales , and we had to do them in * I think * 5 minutes . I passed no problem . In fact , because of the hours of practicing I put in during that very difficult few months , I can now play all 12 major scales in 1 : 09 ! Pretty fast , if I may say so myself : ) So , I tackled this new challenge gung - ho ! Only one problem . . . . . the week before the give away was scheduled , I was going to be in Kentucky for Family Week and I still had eight minor scales to learn ! Yikes ! My teacher and I spent twenty minutes on the phone the day before we left working on scales . No fun . We got home , and had one more lesson ( in which I was going to be timed ) before the give away and I still had two very difficult scales to master . Then , oh joy ! , she postponed the date two weeks and made the time limit 10 minutes ! Hooray ! Yesterday was our last lesson before the music thing ( which is this Saturday ) . My teacher timed me while I played all my scales in almost exactly 5 minutes . Yeah ! Now I can go to the give away ! ( and have doughnuts and orange juice : P Which is more exciting ? ) THEN , my teacher told me that five other people who 've passed the " test " so far , all barely scraped through ( 9 : 55 for two folks , 9 : 40 for another , and I don 't remember the other two ) . So , I 'm the fastest to date ! I 'd like to apologize to y ' all for sending y ' all to that quiz site the other day . There were some inappropriate ads that popped up there . I had no idea that was going to happen ( I never would 've linked to it if I had known ) , and I felt really bad about : / That post is now deleted . It was a good wake - up call , though , to be always on the watch . There is sooo much evil out there in the world , we have to be constantly on guard ! I was just " talking " with Rachel and Sarah about what a blessing parents are , to help up through scrapes like this : ) You don 't know what a load this post takes off my mind . I tend to get a little in the dumps when I make a mistake like this ( no matter how " honest " it was ) . I hope that 's a sign that the Holy Spirit is working in me . Now for the five random facts about yours truly : I think that the 40s style of clothing ( for both gals and guys ) is really neat , and I wish that it was " back in fashion " . I prefer Dijon mustard to regular yellow mustard . It has more flavor , and I love foods / condiments with a kick : ) Nana : I linked your name to the Boutique , since that 's where people can go to see what an AWESOME DESIGNER YOU ARE ! ! ! ! I loved the backgrounds you made for Scraps , and I 'm still planning on using the yellow one for the summer ! : ) And your personal blog looks so cute : ) SORRY FOR SOME CONFUSION HERE ! ! ! ! ! I HAD THIS POST SCHEDULED TO POST THIS MORNING , AND MORE ENTRIES CAME IN LATE LAST NIGHT , AFTER I WENT TO BED ! I JUST UPDATED IT , SORRY FOLKS ! 2 . " I don 't care what you saw . There is a Santa Claus ! " " There ain 't ! " " Mr . Smith , there is a Santa Claus , isn 't there ? " " What did she say ? " " She said there isn 't . " " Then there is . " 3 . " Ah , but remember , my friends . Even [ name omitted ] has his Achilles heel . " " Pardon me , amigo . What is this chili deal ? " " Achilles heel , Pedro . This is meaning his , uh , weaknessess . " 4 . " You - you were kissing him ! " " I was kissing her ! I happen to be in love with her . " " That 's ridiculous . Everybody knows you 're in love with me . " 7 . " I know . I can 't help flying up on the wings of anticipation . It 's as glorious as soaring through a sunset . . . almost pays for the thud . " 8 . " Here , pretend . . . . pretend that that 's a seed . " " It 's a rock . " " Oh , I know it 's a rock , I know . But let 's just pretend for a minute that it 's a seed , alright ? We 'll just use our imaginations . Now , now do you see our tree ? Everything that made that giant tree is already contained inside this tiny little seed . All it needs is some time , a little bit of sunshine and rain , and voila ! " " This rock will be a tree ? " " Seed to tree . You 've gotta work with me here , alright ? Okay . Now , you might not feel like you can do much now , but that 's just because , well , you 're not a tree yet . You just have to give yourself some time . You 're still a seed . " " But it 's a rock . " " I KNOW IT ' S A ROCK ! ! ! Don 't you think I know a rock when I see a rock ? I 've spent a lot of time around rocks ! " " You 're weird , but I like you . " 10 . " A man can 't turn tail and run just because a little personal risk is involved . What did Shakespeare say ? ' Cowards die a thousand deaths , the brave man . . . . only 500 . ' " 11 . " Doesn 't sound too bad . I 'll try and stay awake . " " Oh , well , thank you very much , very nice of you . Your confidence in me is overwhelming . " Wow ! We had * 17 * entries this month ! That 's definitely a record : ) The most " popular " quote seemed to be # 9 ( from Love Comes Softly ) - 14 folks got that one ! Eldarwen 's having a blog party ! 1 ) How old are you ? I 'm 15 years old - will be 15 and a half in a little over two weeks2 ) What name do you go by on blogger ? Josephine March ( Jo for short ) 3 ) When is your birthday ? October 25 ! ! ! ! ! 4 ) If you could live anywhere in the world , besides where you live now , where would it be ? Hmm . . . . maybe Hawaii or Italy : ) 5 ) How did you find out about Blogger ? I 've known about it for as long as I can remember . . . . 6 ) Tell us something interesting about yourself : I 'm 5 ' 3 " and I decided long ago that I 'm going to marry someone taller than myself , which shouldn 't be difficult : P7 ) What was your favorite toy when you were little ? A little stuffed animal lamb called " Liza Lamb " that I carried around everywhere I went and used for show and tell at my preschool when I was four : P8 ) What is your favorite meal ? Have you ever cooked / helped cook that meal ? Chicken pot - pie ! and yes , I have definitely helped to make that meal ( sometimes I do everything by myself ) 9 ) If you could change one thing about yourself , what would it be ? I would be 100 times more patient ! 10 ) Are you an outside person , or an inside person ? Both , it really depends on the season and the weather : ) 11 ) Are you a mommy 's boy / girl , or a daddy 's boy / girl ? I would have to say that I 'm more my daddy 's girl : ) ( of course , I love both my parents equally , but I 'm most like Dad ) 12 ) In one word , describe the feeling you get when you stub your toe , after just being told by your parents that you are grounded for the next month : I would probably whistle through my teeth and then utterly destroy whatever just caused me to stub my toe . * nervous smile * Told ya I needed more patience ! 13 ) Let 's say you TP 'd your friend 's house ( for those of you who don 't know what TP 'd stands for , it means toilet papered . As in , put toilet paper on their trees , cars , house , porch , etc . ) . If someone asked you why you TP 'd your friends house , you would say : * cough * Pardon me ? Oh , that ? They deserved it . : ) 14 ) Have you ever gone swimming in deep , dark , dirty water ? Yes , Umm . . . . IDK . My natural instinct would be to call for Dad , but I don 't see that on this list : ) 18 ) How many friends do you have on blogger ? About five or six really good friends , and many others who I enjoy " spending time with " : ) 19 ) What makes blogging so much fun for you ? Getting comments ! 20 ) You 're a turtle , who has bet that you can win a race with a rabbit . How does it turn out ? Well , since the rabbit I 'm racing is quite alert and isn 't planning on going to sleep , I decided to fly in my turtle - sized helicopter over the finish line . There was nothing in the rules that said this had to be * running * race : P LOL . JK . : ) Mama and Daddy are out on a date . Everyone else is at home , being " babysat " by Leia and I . We 've just finished supper , and now it 's time to watch a movie ! This time ( we normally watch a movie every date night , which is about once a month or so ) we 're watching Lady and the Tramp , a movie that I 've been watching my whole life , but it was the first time for a couple of the younger crowd . So , I put the tape ( yes , it 's on VHS , the same tape we purchased when I was . . . . . never mind . It was over a decade ago . ) in the VHS player , and saw that it was in the middle . Everyone is crowding behind me , everyone wants to " see " . " There 's nothing to see right now . I just need to rewind the tape . It 'll be easy , since I can just rewind to the beginning of the movie . " I say . Or during some other films , not Lady and the Tramp , the boys like to act them out . Really act them out . Guns , swords , flipping off the ottoman , yelling , jumping on the sofa , throwing pillows , playing football . . . you name it ! This is especially true for movies like Facing the Giants , The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe , The Princess Bride , Star Wars , Gods and Generals or Gettysburg . Sound familiar ? As annoying as it * could * get , I actually enjoy it . Each of the little one 's personalities come out in the different comments and questions that they ask , and since I 've ( normally ) already seen the film , I 'm not really missing anything by talking over it . Despite what some people may say , our family interacts quite a lot with each other during movies : )
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Frightfall Read - a - Thon plans ! Day 1 and 2 Welp , my impromptu read - a - thon ended yesterday , and now a new one begins today ! WOOT WOOT ! The official dates for this event are September 29 through October 5 . Guidelines for the read - a - thon can be found HERE . You have to read at least one book that 's scary / thrillerish / or similar . Our Twitter hashtag is # FrightFall . Notes : I got stupid busy at work and had to put aside reading for the bill paying things . I am hoping today is going to be more reading heavy than work heavy , but oh well . I have to go where the money is . . . cuz ya . . that doesn 't make me sound whorish now does it ? lol In I SHALL BE NEAR TO YOU , McCabe introduces us to newlywed Rosetta Wakefield . More accustomed to working as her father 's farmhand and happiest doing what others might call " man 's work , " Rosetta struggles with how to be a good wife to her childhood beau and new husband , Jeremiah . When Jeremiah leaves home to join the Union army , Rosetta finds the only way she can honor Jeremiah is to be with her husband - no matter what . . This book had me from the first word . I do so love a female character with gumption and strength , and Rosetta was definitely a strong character ! I really liked how she did what she thought was best , no matter the consequences and no matter what anyone said . Yes , the " disguising herself as a man " trope isn 't new , but in this case it was done so well that it felt fresh ! I was pleased by the writing too ! It 's books like this that make me want to venture into Historical Fiction more often ! The plot was seamless and delightful , and the characters were vivid . I will most likely read more from this author . A great read ! at " This is one of those books that sucks you in and keeps your interest until the very end . " - Jodie 's W . I . N . E . List " This was a refreshing , real story that had me captivated from the first page . Dee and Mick were wonderful characters full of real flaws , real strengths and real passion . " - Beth S About Me : An American living in Canada . Chocolate snob . Recovering yo - yo dieter . Devoted mom and wife , blessed with a brilliantly witty daughter and unintentionally humorous husband . My wacky family feed my creativity and fuel my passion . Most nights , you will find me either curled up with a great book or , more often , sitting at my computer , tapping out the countless visions in my head . To me , there is nothing better in a narrative than perfectly flawed but strong characters and intense romance that is sexy , deep , and sensual . Mm … I liken such stories to a box of Godiva . Decadent and delicious ! You can 't stop at just one . In fact , I 'm now hard at work on my next novel - A Naked Beauty , the conclusion to Fat Girl . Drink Good Coffee and Read * good * Books A - Thon ( last update . . updated ) I made a fancy button thingy ! Lookit me ! All growed up ! So I am slowly falling behind on my TBR stack , and well . . . that 's never a good thing . ( Doesn 't help I keep BUYING new books , but anyhoodle ! ) So what 's a gal to do ? Well if you are a nerdlette like me , you make your own freaking read - a - thon ! So what if you do it by yourself ! You gotta warm up your eye holes for the October thon anways ! So starting now ( 3pm CST ) until Midnight ( ish ) on Sunday , I will be risking my eye sight to cut down my TBR stack ! Reading and drinking insane amounts of caffeine and nerding out ! You CAN read with me , or you can just point and laugh as I slowly slip into a reading / caffeine induced insanity ! Your call ! Here goes ! 1st Book : ( Finishing Reading ) The Selection by Kiera Cass Finished : YES ! Thoughts : I loved it so so much ! I bought the second book in the series ! * See I told you I do stupid things like buy new books when I don 't need to ! * 2nd Book : Finished : YES ! Book 2 woot woot ! Thoughts : OMG ! I knew that I was enjoying this series , but dang how good it is ? AMAZEBALLS good ! So yeah , on to book 3 ! ( Another new purchase but I don 't even give a fudge ! ) 3rd Book : The One by Kiera Cass Thoughts : So good ! UPDATE THE FINAL : I read a total of 2 1 / 2 books this weekend ! I would have read more , but there was booze and new shows to watch ! I did feel super awesome amazing about reading my 2 1 / 2 though ! Even though , 1 and 1 / 2 of them were bought instead of from my TBR stack ! Oh well . The FrightFall readathon is on ! I 'll get more knocked off this week ! WOOT WOOT ! Anything beyond a 4th book is just ridiculous , but given the right amounts of insanity and coffee I may just do it ? Who knows ! ? Check back later to see if I am still alive / functioning ! at I will start off by saying that this book was deelightful . It had pretty much everything you could want in a fairy tale " re - telling " and then some ! The writing is superb . The characters are awesome and beautifully written , and well . . it just kept me happy throughout . This story was far more than I expected . This book is simply magical ! I swear to all that is holy and good that if you enjoy re - tellings this is the NEXT one you should read ! Buy the Book Kate Forsyth wrote her first novel at the age of seven , and is now the internationally bestselling & award - winning author of thirty books , ranging from picture books to poetry to novels for both adults and children . She was recently voted one of Australia 's Favourite 20 Novelists , and has been called ' one of the finest writers of this generation . She is also an accredited master storyteller with the Australian Guild of Storytellers , and has told stories to both children and adults all over the world . Since ' The Witches of Eileanan ' was named a Best First Novel of 1998 by Locus Magazine , Kate has won or been nominated for numerous awards , including a CYBIL Award in the US . She 's also the only author to win five Aurealis awards in a single year , for her Chain of Charms series - beginning with ' The Gypsy Crown ' - which tells of the adventures of two Romany children in the time of the English Civil War . Book 5 of the series , ' The Lightning Bolt ' , was also a CBCA Notable Book . Chelsea Waters lost her daughter two years ago on Christmas Day to a rare form of childhood cancer . Her career was over , then her marriage . Now all she has left is Hope 's Toy Chest . The toy drive she started in the memory of her daughter has become her everything . Cover Reveal : Destiny 's Wish - Book Two Single mother Nora Horton has the weight of the world on her shoulders . After her husband died while serving his country , she was left alone to raise their beautiful daughter , Destiny . She was able to pick up the pieces and move on for her daughter , but when Destiny 's cancer returns , Nora isn 't sure she can handle it any longer . She 's not certain she can be strong for her daughter when she 's falling apart inside . Doctor Brian West is a pediatric cardiologist at Cedar Grove Children 's Hospital and has seen many sick children during his years there . He 's always been able to do his job without letting it get to him because he knows that if he 's distracted for even a minute , someone could die because of him . When he stumbles upon Nora , the recognition is instant and he can 't distance himself from her or her sick little girl , especially not when the little girl tells him her wish . can 't have love without trust , so Lefty never looked twice at a woman . Betrayed at a young age , the only people he trusts are his brothers in the Dueling Devils motorcycle club . The boys took him in and showed him the meaning of family and loyalty . Then he broke his own rule , and slept with the same woman more than once . She became a habit , and he got ensnared by the Island beauty who ruled her strip club with an iron fist . The problem is Gia 's not interested in anything serious . began to trust Lefty , she knew she was in too deep . The smart thing would 've been to walk away , but the chemistry between them was too powerful . Then he started asking for more , and she was forced to run from the only thing she ever really wanted , a place to belong . The skeletons buried in her closet need to stay buried to keep her safe , but ~ If you enjoyed the Dueling Devils series , you may want to pick up a copy of her full length M . C . Novel , Wesson Rebels M . C . Book one : Always you are a Sons of Anarchy fan , you 'll love this story . Told from multiple points of view throughout time , this story weaves a journey of angst , pain , friendship and love . You 'll be pulled in from the first word ! I couldn 't put it down ! ! My Review : HorrorStör is a seriously fun book . It 's a quick read with a very unique visual style . Obviously it 's supposed to look ( on the outside ) like an IKEA catalog and is littered on the inside with descriptions and pictures of furniture . I really loved the concept of this story . The plot sounded so very interesting . The book was fun . The story was creepy at times and interesting , but there were a few issues from the start . I did like the characters , but I didn 't really feel like they were given as much development time as I 'd like . When the shizz hits the fan , I was kind of hard pressed to care about anyone besides Amy and Basil . I sorta kind of cared about Ruth Anne , but that was just because she was like that sweet crazy Aunt in everyone 's family . Character development was really sorely lacking in this book . The other big thing was the set up . It took waaaay too long for things to get started . I understand that setting up the plot is super important . I get that totally , but it really took too much time to build tension . By the middle of the book the really creepy bits were being thrown at us out of seemingly nowhere . I really though that Josiah was pretty darn terrifyingly insane , and definitely was a good bad guy , but I think he could have been used a lot more than the penitents to creep things up . I felt like he was pretty underused . I did have fun with this one though , I really did . It was creepy fun . It really reminded me of House of Leaves by Mark Z . Danielewski , which is a book that I think did the whole " shifting and changing house / store to mess with your brain and drive you crazy " schtick , so very well . Whereas , HoLs was a bit too long in my opinion , HorrorStör seemed too short . I think it would have been so much better with maybe another 50 + pages . ( Although it probably would have been too thick to fit with the catalog theme ? ) Amazon ( Pre - Order ) | Barnes & Noble ( Pre - Order ) Book Excerpt : Carrie Ann . The words felt like two gunshots to the chest . Just hearing that name come out of her mother 's mouth made Grace 's heart start tripping . She almost shot out of her chair . " I 'm Grace , " she said . " Gracie Ann . " Her voice cracked . " Dad ? " she said . " She 's confused , honey . The past and the present , it 's just one big , ugly glob . " Pinpricks of shame began forming at the base of Grace 's spine . " My God , " Grace said . This time she did shoot out of her chair . Carrie Ann was the only girl foster child the Sawyers had ever taken in . At first she had been like a sister to Grace . Her father whacked his newspaper on the side of his chair . " I told you she wasn 't ! And I should know . I 've been sitting right here ! " " She 's still such a pretty girl , " Jody said . " She asked about you , Grace . She asked me all sorts of questions about you . " " Dad , " Grace said . " Hush . " Her mother suddenly became very still , which meant she was listening . Grace took her father by his arm and led him back to his chair . " I can 't help it . Carrie Ann this - Carrie Ann that . I thought we 'd put that nuisance behind us for once and for all . Is this what it comes to ? Reliving your worst nightmare ? " " I 've never heard you speak so harshly about Carrie Ann , " Grace said . Her mom was the one who used to say the worst things about Carrie Ann . She said Carrie Ann was evil . She said Carrie Ann was a curse that would follow all of them to their graves . Once she even said there wasn 't enough Lysol in the world to get rid of that stain . And each insult cut into Grace like her mother was saying it about her . Her sister . Of sorts . Her own Dickens - like drama . Carrie Ann was the best thing that had ever happened to Grace , and she was the worst . She 'd been out of their lives for nearly fifteen years . And Grace had spent every one of them trying , and failing , to put the past behind her . She turned to her father . " Because I don 't want to dredge up all that nonsense . It 's her damn medication . I keep telling the doctor it 's making her worse , and he won 't listen to me . " Her father slammed his fist on the arm of the chair . " These people think just because we 're old that we 're stupid . She wouldn 't be so forgetful if she cut down on some of those pills . How do I know that ? Because she 's my wife . Because I 've been married to this woman for forty - four years . You know what he said to me ? " " Put me in my place . In front of my wife . ' You 're a psychotherapist , correct ? Not a psychiatrist ? You don 't prescribe medication ? ' That 's what the snot - nosed so - called doctor actually said to me . Can you believe that ? Some twenty - year - old who just started wiping his own ass . I 'm telling you she 's on too many pills ! Makes her soupy . He won 't listen to me ! " " I can 't bear hearing her talk about Carrie Ann . Your mother 's the one who told us never to mention Carrie Anne 's name again . " Forbid us . Forbid us to ever mention her name again . " I know , Dad . I 'll talk to the doctor . Calm down . " " I always wanted to go to Spain , " Jody said . She turned off the television and patted the side of the bed . So she 'd heard and understood the conversation . God , the brain was a mysterious thing . And now Grace couldn 't believe her father had just said " naked stud muffins . " Maybe getting away for a bit wasn 't such a bad idea . Grace turned back to her mother . " Why did you always want to go to Spain ? " " I know , " Grace said . It had been just after Grace 's grandfather had died . Her grandparents were supposed to take the trip together . Everyone thought Annette Jennings would cancel the trip . Instead , she buried her husband and packed her bags . Little Annette who had never been outside of her home state . Grace had had many conversations with her grandmother about that trip . She was proud of her too . " It was really something , " Jim said . " Because in those days seventy wasn 't the new fifty or whatever the kids say today . Seventy was seventy . " Jody Sawyer straightened up , and her eyes seemed to take in more light . " Well , it 's not like it is now . Women didn 't travel alone back then . Wasn 't that brave ? My mother sent me a postcard from Madrid of a beautiful tango dancer in a red dress . The dress was made of actual material - beautiful red silk right on the postcard . I 'll never forget it . She 'd only written one sentence on the back . ' Robert would 've loved the landing . ' My father was very picking with landings and always impressed when the pilot pulled off a smooth one . Anyway . As soon as I got that postcard I knew my mother was going to be all right . ' Robert would have loved the landing . ' After she died I spent hours just touching that silky red dress with the tips of my fingers and imagining my mother dancing in the streets of Spain . " Jody Sawyer looked up and swayed her upper body slightly as if watching her faraway self dance . Then she looked down at her hands , twisting the bed sheet . " Look how ugly and wrinkled I am now . " Grace hesitated . Did she , or didn 't she ? Grace opened the bedside drawer and took out the postcard . Her mother was right . The dress was silky . Grace handed it to her mother and watched her eyes light up . Next her mother gently outlined the edge of the dancer 's dress with the trembling tip of her right index finger . Her fingernail was misshapen , the peach paint flaking . Grace would have to see if they could bring in a manicurist . Jody looked at Grace , her eyes clear and bright . " Gracie Ann you have to go . Film everything . I 'm dying to see Barcelona through you . " Grace must have looked stricken , for her mother laughed and then put her hand over her heart . " Sorry , no pun intended . " Like antennas being manipulated for a clearer signal , sometimes her mother tuned in perfectly . Jody Sawyer laughed again , and Grace couldn 't help but laugh with her . " Make me feel like I 'm there , " Jody said , closing her eyes . " Help me shut out this hospice . Let me see beautiful Barcelona . " She took Grace 's hand and held it . " Do it for me . I 'll feel like I 'm with you . Bring a camera . And your guitar , " she added . " You never know . " When Grace still didn 't answer , her mother opened her eyes , and lifted Grace 's chin up with her hand like she used to do when Grace was a child . " Be brave , Gracie Ann . Just like my mother . " This was a very nice surprise ! I did not expect this book to be so . . grabey ( I couldn 't think of another word ! ) ! I felt pulled in almost instantly , and didn 't want to put the novel down for one second ! The story flows pretty swiftly and doesn 't lag . I enjoyed the mix of genres in this one . There 's family drama , mystery , a bit of a thriller edge to it as well . It certainly felt like a unique read . The characters were all really developed and unique too . I didn 't feel like I quite knew what to expect by anyone ! That element of surprise really got me and kept me hooked . When John Wilkes Booth shoots Lincoln with a bullet cursed by the notorious Chicken Man , a local voodoo practitioner , he unwittingly sets in motion a chain of events extending far into the future . Instead of killing Lincoln , the bullet puts the president into a coma for sixty - eight years , his body remaining limber and ageless . When he awakens in 1933 , Abe Lincoln is a man out of time , a revered icon . . . and a political pariah . FDR and J . Edgar Hoover not only do not want him around , they want him to retire . But their plan to be rid of him backfires and Lincoln is on the run , a fugitive from justice . Determined to reach Chicago and retrieve the small fortune left in trust for him by his long - dead son , Lincoln discovers that Hoover has confiscated all his money , leaving him destitute . With Bureau of Investigation agent Melvin Purvis in hot pursuit , Lincoln finds his way to a hobo camp where he befriends a young runaway , who agrees to accompany the former president back to Washington . There Lincoln hopes that Hannah Wheelhouse , the Chicken Man 's granddaughter , can help him find the peace he longs for . Then by the side of the road after the robbery , Dillinger takes a liking to Lincoln and invites him to join the gang , promising him he 'll get all his money back . Will Lincoln survive long enough to recapture his fortune and get away , or will he be hunted down in a manner unbefitting a martyred President ? My Review : This was quite a strange book , and I mean that in a very good way . I enjoyed it very much ! I kind of went into this thinking it would be a certain kind of read and got something else entirely ! I again , mean that in a good way . This plot could have turned out so very cheesy , but it did not . I really do enjoy how Anthony and Walker told a very usual , but thought provoking story . I started to wonder what other historical figures would react / think if removed from their time and brought into a different one . SO much geeky fun ! Okay , so back to the story . I thought it flowed very smoothly . I enjoyed the way the writers handled Abe and made him out to be a fleshed out character and not someone stuck in the pages of a history book . There are other historical figures woven through , and I thought that was just darn spiffy ! From start to finish , this was my face . I love the way this book was written ! It should definitely be a movie ! So to Mr . Anthony and Mr . Walker . . . stand up and take a bow ! This is one heck of a book ! My Review : Okay I 'm going to say this straight out the gate , I know very very very little about Jewish folklore . I really loved the family dynamics , the history and the way the writer slide the folklore in . It was fun to read , got me in the feels a few times , and wasn 't like anything I 've read before . Were there flat notes for me ? Yeah , there was one that got me . I don 't know if it 's because I read and ARC or what , but the switching of the viewpoints ( between the notebook and present day ) left me a bit confused a few times . This did snatch me back to reality here and there , but I was eager to get back into the story . All in all I would say that this was a very solid read . I will definitely keep my eye out for more from Stephanie Feldman . If you are looking for a family drama / folklore - y kind of tale then this is one you should definitely check out ! " I am Britannia . I am your protector . I will fend off the hungry hordes of undead hands that reach toward you . I am your steadfast defender . I will stand between you and the zombie masses as they try to taste your flesh . I am strong , unyielding , and dedicated to your survival . All I ask from you … is your blood . " A five - hundred - year - old bloody game of vengeance will need to be put on hold if vampires are to survive the zombie uprising . Britannia and Nicholas , bitter enemies and the only two surviving vampires left in London , have to work together to save un - infected humans and deliver them safely to a vampire stronghold in the Scottish Highlands . Unable to drink the zombie ' bad blood ' , the remaining vampires need the humans to stay alive . But will the vampires tell the survivors who they are and what they want from them ? Will Britannia be able to hold back her vengeance for the greater good ? Is survivor Josh the reincarnation of Britannia 's murdered true love ? And can she bring herself to deliver him to the ' safe ' hold ? Survival instincts run deep , but bad blood can run deeper . I guess I 've always been a storyteller , not in a ' liar liar pants on fire ' kind of way , although I do work in advertising ! When I was little , kids would crowd around me in the playground and I 'd tell them tales of blood soaked horror filled with vampires , werewolves , ghosts and more . Yes , most would consider me a disturbed child , but my playmates couldn 't help themselves , they 'd huddle around me every break time like an ancient tribe feeding off the fear ; and that 's how I learned that horror stories hold a certain power , no matter what some might say , everyone is addicted to a good scare , especially if it is somewhat rooted safely in unrealistic beings … or are they unrealistic ? Writing was really a natural progression . Right now I 'm obsessed with writing : a YA Urban Fantasy novel , a Paranormal Romance novella series , and several short horror stories ! So I 'm currently living in a functional fiction coma - and loving it ! We ran to the hospital . On the way , we encountered hardly anyone , alive or dead . Where were they all ? When we arrived at the hospital car park , I understood . Zombies were pack animals . A massive crowd of them were crammed in and around the main building like they were waiting for a concert to start , all barely paying attention to their surroundings and seemingly swaying against the force of gravity . The other thing was the smell . When watching horror films filled with shuffling zombies , the horror came from their ghastly looks - the reminder that death has a tight grip on us all , well , most of us . But what the filmmakers should focus on - if they could - was the acidic rank odor zombies gave off . They had been dead barely twenty - four hours . It took a normal human body at least thirty - six hours to really start to smell , and that was with a vampire 's heightened senses . These guys smelled like they 'd been out in the sun for three weeks covered in rubbish and besieged by wily maggots . They were mostly intact , though . Maybe this hospital had been Zombie Ground Zero . Most had turned so quickly their comrades hadn 't had time to feed . " Acting like a lady isn 't going to help now , is it ? What do you want me to do ? Drop my handkerchief in front of the zombies and watch them fight one another to scoop it up for me ? Moron ! "
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Frightfall Read - a - Thon plans ! Day 1 and 2 Welp , my impromptu read - a - thon ended yesterday , and now a new one begins today ! WOOT WOOT ! The official dates for this event are September 29 through October 5 . Guidelines for the read - a - thon can be found HERE . You have to read at least one book that 's scary / thrillerish / or similar . Our Twitter hashtag is # FrightFall . Notes : I got stupid busy at work and had to put aside reading for the bill paying things . I am hoping today is going to be more reading heavy than work heavy , but oh well . I have to go where the money is . . . cuz ya . . that doesn 't make me sound whorish now does it ? lol In I SHALL BE NEAR TO YOU , McCabe introduces us to newlywed Rosetta Wakefield . More accustomed to working as her father 's farmhand and happiest doing what others might call " man 's work , " Rosetta struggles with how to be a good wife to her childhood beau and new husband , Jeremiah . When Jeremiah leaves home to join the Union army , Rosetta finds the only way she can honor Jeremiah is to be with her husband - no matter what . . This book had me from the first word . I do so love a female character with gumption and strength , and Rosetta was definitely a strong character ! I really liked how she did what she thought was best , no matter the consequences and no matter what anyone said . Yes , the " disguising herself as a man " trope isn 't new , but in this case it was done so well that it felt fresh ! I was pleased by the writing too ! It 's books like this that make me want to venture into Historical Fiction more often ! The plot was seamless and delightful , and the characters were vivid . I will most likely read more from this author . A great read ! at " This is one of those books that sucks you in and keeps your interest until the very end . " - Jodie 's W . I . N . E . List " This was a refreshing , real story that had me captivated from the first page . Dee and Mick were wonderful characters full of real flaws , real strengths and real passion . " - Beth S About Me : An American living in Canada . Chocolate snob . Recovering yo - yo dieter . Devoted mom and wife , blessed with a brilliantly witty daughter and unintentionally humorous husband . My wacky family feed my creativity and fuel my passion . Most nights , you will find me either curled up with a great book or , more often , sitting at my computer , tapping out the countless visions in my head . To me , there is nothing better in a narrative than perfectly flawed but strong characters and intense romance that is sexy , deep , and sensual . Mm … I liken such stories to a box of Godiva . Decadent and delicious ! You can 't stop at just one . In fact , I 'm now hard at work on my next novel - A Naked Beauty , the conclusion to Fat Girl . Drink Good Coffee and Read * good * Books A - Thon ( last update . . updated ) I made a fancy button thingy ! Lookit me ! All growed up ! So I am slowly falling behind on my TBR stack , and well . . . that 's never a good thing . ( Doesn 't help I keep BUYING new books , but anyhoodle ! ) So what 's a gal to do ? Well if you are a nerdlette like me , you make your own freaking read - a - thon ! So what if you do it by yourself ! You gotta warm up your eye holes for the October thon anways ! So starting now ( 3pm CST ) until Midnight ( ish ) on Sunday , I will be risking my eye sight to cut down my TBR stack ! Reading and drinking insane amounts of caffeine and nerding out ! You CAN read with me , or you can just point and laugh as I slowly slip into a reading / caffeine induced insanity ! Your call ! Here goes ! 1st Book : ( Finishing Reading ) The Selection by Kiera Cass Finished : YES ! Thoughts : I loved it so so much ! I bought the second book in the series ! * See I told you I do stupid things like buy new books when I don 't need to ! * 2nd Book : Finished : YES ! Book 2 woot woot ! Thoughts : OMG ! I knew that I was enjoying this series , but dang how good it is ? AMAZEBALLS good ! So yeah , on to book 3 ! ( Another new purchase but I don 't even give a fudge ! ) 3rd Book : The One by Kiera Cass Thoughts : So good ! UPDATE THE FINAL : I read a total of 2 1 / 2 books this weekend ! I would have read more , but there was booze and new shows to watch ! I did feel super awesome amazing about reading my 2 1 / 2 though ! Even though , 1 and 1 / 2 of them were bought instead of from my TBR stack ! Oh well . The FrightFall readathon is on ! I 'll get more knocked off this week ! WOOT WOOT ! Anything beyond a 4th book is just ridiculous , but given the right amounts of insanity and coffee I may just do it ? Who knows ! ? Check back later to see if I am still alive / functioning ! at I will start off by saying that this book was deelightful . It had pretty much everything you could want in a fairy tale " re - telling " and then some ! The writing is superb . The characters are awesome and beautifully written , and well . . it just kept me happy throughout . This story was far more than I expected . This book is simply magical ! I swear to all that is holy and good that if you enjoy re - tellings this is the NEXT one you should read ! Buy the Book Kate Forsyth wrote her first novel at the age of seven , and is now the internationally bestselling & award - winning author of thirty books , ranging from picture books to poetry to novels for both adults and children . She was recently voted one of Australia 's Favourite 20 Novelists , and has been called ' one of the finest writers of this generation . She is also an accredited master storyteller with the Australian Guild of Storytellers , and has told stories to both children and adults all over the world . Since ' The Witches of Eileanan ' was named a Best First Novel of 1998 by Locus Magazine , Kate has won or been nominated for numerous awards , including a CYBIL Award in the US . She 's also the only author to win five Aurealis awards in a single year , for her Chain of Charms series - beginning with ' The Gypsy Crown ' - which tells of the adventures of two Romany children in the time of the English Civil War . Book 5 of the series , ' The Lightning Bolt ' , was also a CBCA Notable Book . Chelsea Waters lost her daughter two years ago on Christmas Day to a rare form of childhood cancer . Her career was over , then her marriage . Now all she has left is Hope 's Toy Chest . The toy drive she started in the memory of her daughter has become her everything . Cover Reveal : Destiny 's Wish - Book Two Single mother Nora Horton has the weight of the world on her shoulders . After her husband died while serving his country , she was left alone to raise their beautiful daughter , Destiny . She was able to pick up the pieces and move on for her daughter , but when Destiny 's cancer returns , Nora isn 't sure she can handle it any longer . She 's not certain she can be strong for her daughter when she 's falling apart inside . Doctor Brian West is a pediatric cardiologist at Cedar Grove Children 's Hospital and has seen many sick children during his years there . He 's always been able to do his job without letting it get to him because he knows that if he 's distracted for even a minute , someone could die because of him . When he stumbles upon Nora , the recognition is instant and he can 't distance himself from her or her sick little girl , especially not when the little girl tells him her wish . can 't have love without trust , so Lefty never looked twice at a woman . Betrayed at a young age , the only people he trusts are his brothers in the Dueling Devils motorcycle club . The boys took him in and showed him the meaning of family and loyalty . Then he broke his own rule , and slept with the same woman more than once . She became a habit , and he got ensnared by the Island beauty who ruled her strip club with an iron fist . The problem is Gia 's not interested in anything serious . began to trust Lefty , she knew she was in too deep . The smart thing would 've been to walk away , but the chemistry between them was too powerful . Then he started asking for more , and she was forced to run from the only thing she ever really wanted , a place to belong . The skeletons buried in her closet need to stay buried to keep her safe , but ~ If you enjoyed the Dueling Devils series , you may want to pick up a copy of her full length M . C . Novel , Wesson Rebels M . C . Book one : Always you are a Sons of Anarchy fan , you 'll love this story . Told from multiple points of view throughout time , this story weaves a journey of angst , pain , friendship and love . You 'll be pulled in from the first word ! I couldn 't put it down ! ! My Review : HorrorStör is a seriously fun book . It 's a quick read with a very unique visual style . Obviously it 's supposed to look ( on the outside ) like an IKEA catalog and is littered on the inside with descriptions and pictures of furniture . I really loved the concept of this story . The plot sounded so very interesting . The book was fun . The story was creepy at times and interesting , but there were a few issues from the start . I did like the characters , but I didn 't really feel like they were given as much development time as I 'd like . When the shizz hits the fan , I was kind of hard pressed to care about anyone besides Amy and Basil . I sorta kind of cared about Ruth Anne , but that was just because she was like that sweet crazy Aunt in everyone 's family . Character development was really sorely lacking in this book . The other big thing was the set up . It took waaaay too long for things to get started . I understand that setting up the plot is super important . I get that totally , but it really took too much time to build tension . By the middle of the book the really creepy bits were being thrown at us out of seemingly nowhere . I really though that Josiah was pretty darn terrifyingly insane , and definitely was a good bad guy , but I think he could have been used a lot more than the penitents to creep things up . I felt like he was pretty underused . I did have fun with this one though , I really did . It was creepy fun . It really reminded me of House of Leaves by Mark Z . Danielewski , which is a book that I think did the whole " shifting and changing house / store to mess with your brain and drive you crazy " schtick , so very well . Whereas , HoLs was a bit too long in my opinion , HorrorStör seemed too short . I think it would have been so much better with maybe another 50 + pages . ( Although it probably would have been too thick to fit with the catalog theme ? ) Amazon ( Pre - Order ) | Barnes & Noble ( Pre - Order ) Book Excerpt : Carrie Ann . The words felt like two gunshots to the chest . Just hearing that name come out of her mother 's mouth made Grace 's heart start tripping . She almost shot out of her chair . " I 'm Grace , " she said . " Gracie Ann . " Her voice cracked . " Dad ? " she said . " She 's confused , honey . The past and the present , it 's just one big , ugly glob . " Pinpricks of shame began forming at the base of Grace 's spine . " My God , " Grace said . This time she did shoot out of her chair . Carrie Ann was the only girl foster child the Sawyers had ever taken in . At first she had been like a sister to Grace . Her father whacked his newspaper on the side of his chair . " I told you she wasn 't ! And I should know . I 've been sitting right here ! " " She 's still such a pretty girl , " Jody said . " She asked about you , Grace . She asked me all sorts of questions about you . " " Dad , " Grace said . " Hush . " Her mother suddenly became very still , which meant she was listening . Grace took her father by his arm and led him back to his chair . " I can 't help it . Carrie Ann this - Carrie Ann that . I thought we 'd put that nuisance behind us for once and for all . Is this what it comes to ? Reliving your worst nightmare ? " " I 've never heard you speak so harshly about Carrie Ann , " Grace said . Her mom was the one who used to say the worst things about Carrie Ann . She said Carrie Ann was evil . She said Carrie Ann was a curse that would follow all of them to their graves . Once she even said there wasn 't enough Lysol in the world to get rid of that stain . And each insult cut into Grace like her mother was saying it about her . Her sister . Of sorts . Her own Dickens - like drama . Carrie Ann was the best thing that had ever happened to Grace , and she was the worst . She 'd been out of their lives for nearly fifteen years . And Grace had spent every one of them trying , and failing , to put the past behind her . She turned to her father . " Because I don 't want to dredge up all that nonsense . It 's her damn medication . I keep telling the doctor it 's making her worse , and he won 't listen to me . " Her father slammed his fist on the arm of the chair . " These people think just because we 're old that we 're stupid . She wouldn 't be so forgetful if she cut down on some of those pills . How do I know that ? Because she 's my wife . Because I 've been married to this woman for forty - four years . You know what he said to me ? " " Put me in my place . In front of my wife . ' You 're a psychotherapist , correct ? Not a psychiatrist ? You don 't prescribe medication ? ' That 's what the snot - nosed so - called doctor actually said to me . Can you believe that ? Some twenty - year - old who just started wiping his own ass . I 'm telling you she 's on too many pills ! Makes her soupy . He won 't listen to me ! " " I can 't bear hearing her talk about Carrie Ann . Your mother 's the one who told us never to mention Carrie Anne 's name again . " Forbid us . Forbid us to ever mention her name again . " I know , Dad . I 'll talk to the doctor . Calm down . " " I always wanted to go to Spain , " Jody said . She turned off the television and patted the side of the bed . So she 'd heard and understood the conversation . God , the brain was a mysterious thing . And now Grace couldn 't believe her father had just said " naked stud muffins . " Maybe getting away for a bit wasn 't such a bad idea . Grace turned back to her mother . " Why did you always want to go to Spain ? " " I know , " Grace said . It had been just after Grace 's grandfather had died . Her grandparents were supposed to take the trip together . Everyone thought Annette Jennings would cancel the trip . Instead , she buried her husband and packed her bags . Little Annette who had never been outside of her home state . Grace had had many conversations with her grandmother about that trip . She was proud of her too . " It was really something , " Jim said . " Because in those days seventy wasn 't the new fifty or whatever the kids say today . Seventy was seventy . " Jody Sawyer straightened up , and her eyes seemed to take in more light . " Well , it 's not like it is now . Women didn 't travel alone back then . Wasn 't that brave ? My mother sent me a postcard from Madrid of a beautiful tango dancer in a red dress . The dress was made of actual material - beautiful red silk right on the postcard . I 'll never forget it . She 'd only written one sentence on the back . ' Robert would 've loved the landing . ' My father was very picking with landings and always impressed when the pilot pulled off a smooth one . Anyway . As soon as I got that postcard I knew my mother was going to be all right . ' Robert would have loved the landing . ' After she died I spent hours just touching that silky red dress with the tips of my fingers and imagining my mother dancing in the streets of Spain . " Jody Sawyer looked up and swayed her upper body slightly as if watching her faraway self dance . Then she looked down at her hands , twisting the bed sheet . " Look how ugly and wrinkled I am now . " Grace hesitated . Did she , or didn 't she ? Grace opened the bedside drawer and took out the postcard . Her mother was right . The dress was silky . Grace handed it to her mother and watched her eyes light up . Next her mother gently outlined the edge of the dancer 's dress with the trembling tip of her right index finger . Her fingernail was misshapen , the peach paint flaking . Grace would have to see if they could bring in a manicurist . Jody looked at Grace , her eyes clear and bright . " Gracie Ann you have to go . Film everything . I 'm dying to see Barcelona through you . " Grace must have looked stricken , for her mother laughed and then put her hand over her heart . " Sorry , no pun intended . " Like antennas being manipulated for a clearer signal , sometimes her mother tuned in perfectly . Jody Sawyer laughed again , and Grace couldn 't help but laugh with her . " Make me feel like I 'm there , " Jody said , closing her eyes . " Help me shut out this hospice . Let me see beautiful Barcelona . " She took Grace 's hand and held it . " Do it for me . I 'll feel like I 'm with you . Bring a camera . And your guitar , " she added . " You never know . " When Grace still didn 't answer , her mother opened her eyes , and lifted Grace 's chin up with her hand like she used to do when Grace was a child . " Be brave , Gracie Ann . Just like my mother . " This was a very nice surprise ! I did not expect this book to be so . . grabey ( I couldn 't think of another word ! ) ! I felt pulled in almost instantly , and didn 't want to put the novel down for one second ! The story flows pretty swiftly and doesn 't lag . I enjoyed the mix of genres in this one . There 's family drama , mystery , a bit of a thriller edge to it as well . It certainly felt like a unique read . The characters were all really developed and unique too . I didn 't feel like I quite knew what to expect by anyone ! That element of surprise really got me and kept me hooked . When John Wilkes Booth shoots Lincoln with a bullet cursed by the notorious Chicken Man , a local voodoo practitioner , he unwittingly sets in motion a chain of events extending far into the future . Instead of killing Lincoln , the bullet puts the president into a coma for sixty - eight years , his body remaining limber and ageless . When he awakens in 1933 , Abe Lincoln is a man out of time , a revered icon . . . and a political pariah . FDR and J . Edgar Hoover not only do not want him around , they want him to retire . But their plan to be rid of him backfires and Lincoln is on the run , a fugitive from justice . Determined to reach Chicago and retrieve the small fortune left in trust for him by his long - dead son , Lincoln discovers that Hoover has confiscated all his money , leaving him destitute . With Bureau of Investigation agent Melvin Purvis in hot pursuit , Lincoln finds his way to a hobo camp where he befriends a young runaway , who agrees to accompany the former president back to Washington . There Lincoln hopes that Hannah Wheelhouse , the Chicken Man 's granddaughter , can help him find the peace he longs for . Then by the side of the road after the robbery , Dillinger takes a liking to Lincoln and invites him to join the gang , promising him he 'll get all his money back . Will Lincoln survive long enough to recapture his fortune and get away , or will he be hunted down in a manner unbefitting a martyred President ? My Review : This was quite a strange book , and I mean that in a very good way . I enjoyed it very much ! I kind of went into this thinking it would be a certain kind of read and got something else entirely ! I again , mean that in a good way . This plot could have turned out so very cheesy , but it did not . I really do enjoy how Anthony and Walker told a very usual , but thought provoking story . I started to wonder what other historical figures would react / think if removed from their time and brought into a different one . SO much geeky fun ! Okay , so back to the story . I thought it flowed very smoothly . I enjoyed the way the writers handled Abe and made him out to be a fleshed out character and not someone stuck in the pages of a history book . There are other historical figures woven through , and I thought that was just darn spiffy ! From start to finish , this was my face . I love the way this book was written ! It should definitely be a movie ! So to Mr . Anthony and Mr . Walker . . . stand up and take a bow ! This is one heck of a book ! My Review : Okay I 'm going to say this straight out the gate , I know very very very little about Jewish folklore . I really loved the family dynamics , the history and the way the writer slide the folklore in . It was fun to read , got me in the feels a few times , and wasn 't like anything I 've read before . Were there flat notes for me ? Yeah , there was one that got me . I don 't know if it 's because I read and ARC or what , but the switching of the viewpoints ( between the notebook and present day ) left me a bit confused a few times . This did snatch me back to reality here and there , but I was eager to get back into the story . All in all I would say that this was a very solid read . I will definitely keep my eye out for more from Stephanie Feldman . If you are looking for a family drama / folklore - y kind of tale then this is one you should definitely check out ! " I am Britannia . I am your protector . I will fend off the hungry hordes of undead hands that reach toward you . I am your steadfast defender . I will stand between you and the zombie masses as they try to taste your flesh . I am strong , unyielding , and dedicated to your survival . All I ask from you … is your blood . " A five - hundred - year - old bloody game of vengeance will need to be put on hold if vampires are to survive the zombie uprising . Britannia and Nicholas , bitter enemies and the only two surviving vampires left in London , have to work together to save un - infected humans and deliver them safely to a vampire stronghold in the Scottish Highlands . Unable to drink the zombie ' bad blood ' , the remaining vampires need the humans to stay alive . But will the vampires tell the survivors who they are and what they want from them ? Will Britannia be able to hold back her vengeance for the greater good ? Is survivor Josh the reincarnation of Britannia 's murdered true love ? And can she bring herself to deliver him to the ' safe ' hold ? Survival instincts run deep , but bad blood can run deeper . I guess I 've always been a storyteller , not in a ' liar liar pants on fire ' kind of way , although I do work in advertising ! When I was little , kids would crowd around me in the playground and I 'd tell them tales of blood soaked horror filled with vampires , werewolves , ghosts and more . Yes , most would consider me a disturbed child , but my playmates couldn 't help themselves , they 'd huddle around me every break time like an ancient tribe feeding off the fear ; and that 's how I learned that horror stories hold a certain power , no matter what some might say , everyone is addicted to a good scare , especially if it is somewhat rooted safely in unrealistic beings … or are they unrealistic ? Writing was really a natural progression . Right now I 'm obsessed with writing : a YA Urban Fantasy novel , a Paranormal Romance novella series , and several short horror stories ! So I 'm currently living in a functional fiction coma - and loving it ! We ran to the hospital . On the way , we encountered hardly anyone , alive or dead . Where were they all ? When we arrived at the hospital car park , I understood . Zombies were pack animals . A massive crowd of them were crammed in and around the main building like they were waiting for a concert to start , all barely paying attention to their surroundings and seemingly swaying against the force of gravity . The other thing was the smell . When watching horror films filled with shuffling zombies , the horror came from their ghastly looks - the reminder that death has a tight grip on us all , well , most of us . But what the filmmakers should focus on - if they could - was the acidic rank odor zombies gave off . They had been dead barely twenty - four hours . It took a normal human body at least thirty - six hours to really start to smell , and that was with a vampire 's heightened senses . These guys smelled like they 'd been out in the sun for three weeks covered in rubbish and besieged by wily maggots . They were mostly intact , though . Maybe this hospital had been Zombie Ground Zero . Most had turned so quickly their comrades hadn 't had time to feed . " Acting like a lady isn 't going to help now , is it ? What do you want me to do ? Drop my handkerchief in front of the zombies and watch them fight one another to scoop it up for me ? Moron ! "
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Frightfall Read - a - Thon plans ! Day 1 and 2 Welp , my impromptu read - a - thon ended yesterday , and now a new one begins today ! WOOT WOOT ! The official dates for this event are September 29 through October 5 . Guidelines for the read - a - thon can be found HERE . You have to read at least one book that 's scary / thrillerish / or similar . Our Twitter hashtag is # FrightFall . Notes : I got stupid busy at work and had to put aside reading for the bill paying things . I am hoping today is going to be more reading heavy than work heavy , but oh well . I have to go where the money is . . . cuz ya . . that doesn 't make me sound whorish now does it ? lol In I SHALL BE NEAR TO YOU , McCabe introduces us to newlywed Rosetta Wakefield . More accustomed to working as her father 's farmhand and happiest doing what others might call " man 's work , " Rosetta struggles with how to be a good wife to her childhood beau and new husband , Jeremiah . When Jeremiah leaves home to join the Union army , Rosetta finds the only way she can honor Jeremiah is to be with her husband - no matter what . . This book had me from the first word . I do so love a female character with gumption and strength , and Rosetta was definitely a strong character ! I really liked how she did what she thought was best , no matter the consequences and no matter what anyone said . Yes , the " disguising herself as a man " trope isn 't new , but in this case it was done so well that it felt fresh ! I was pleased by the writing too ! It 's books like this that make me want to venture into Historical Fiction more often ! The plot was seamless and delightful , and the characters were vivid . I will most likely read more from this author . A great read ! at " This is one of those books that sucks you in and keeps your interest until the very end . " - Jodie 's W . I . N . E . List " This was a refreshing , real story that had me captivated from the first page . Dee and Mick were wonderful characters full of real flaws , real strengths and real passion . " - Beth S About Me : An American living in Canada . Chocolate snob . Recovering yo - yo dieter . Devoted mom and wife , blessed with a brilliantly witty daughter and unintentionally humorous husband . My wacky family feed my creativity and fuel my passion . Most nights , you will find me either curled up with a great book or , more often , sitting at my computer , tapping out the countless visions in my head . To me , there is nothing better in a narrative than perfectly flawed but strong characters and intense romance that is sexy , deep , and sensual . Mm … I liken such stories to a box of Godiva . Decadent and delicious ! You can 't stop at just one . In fact , I 'm now hard at work on my next novel - A Naked Beauty , the conclusion to Fat Girl . Drink Good Coffee and Read * good * Books A - Thon ( last update . . updated ) I made a fancy button thingy ! Lookit me ! All growed up ! So I am slowly falling behind on my TBR stack , and well . . . that 's never a good thing . ( Doesn 't help I keep BUYING new books , but anyhoodle ! ) So what 's a gal to do ? Well if you are a nerdlette like me , you make your own freaking read - a - thon ! So what if you do it by yourself ! You gotta warm up your eye holes for the October thon anways ! So starting now ( 3pm CST ) until Midnight ( ish ) on Sunday , I will be risking my eye sight to cut down my TBR stack ! Reading and drinking insane amounts of caffeine and nerding out ! You CAN read with me , or you can just point and laugh as I slowly slip into a reading / caffeine induced insanity ! Your call ! Here goes ! 1st Book : ( Finishing Reading ) The Selection by Kiera Cass Finished : YES ! Thoughts : I loved it so so much ! I bought the second book in the series ! * See I told you I do stupid things like buy new books when I don 't need to ! * 2nd Book : Finished : YES ! Book 2 woot woot ! Thoughts : OMG ! I knew that I was enjoying this series , but dang how good it is ? AMAZEBALLS good ! So yeah , on to book 3 ! ( Another new purchase but I don 't even give a fudge ! ) 3rd Book : The One by Kiera Cass Thoughts : So good ! UPDATE THE FINAL : I read a total of 2 1 / 2 books this weekend ! I would have read more , but there was booze and new shows to watch ! I did feel super awesome amazing about reading my 2 1 / 2 though ! Even though , 1 and 1 / 2 of them were bought instead of from my TBR stack ! Oh well . The FrightFall readathon is on ! I 'll get more knocked off this week ! WOOT WOOT ! Anything beyond a 4th book is just ridiculous , but given the right amounts of insanity and coffee I may just do it ? Who knows ! ? Check back later to see if I am still alive / functioning ! at I will start off by saying that this book was deelightful . It had pretty much everything you could want in a fairy tale " re - telling " and then some ! The writing is superb . The characters are awesome and beautifully written , and well . . it just kept me happy throughout . This story was far more than I expected . This book is simply magical ! I swear to all that is holy and good that if you enjoy re - tellings this is the NEXT one you should read ! Buy the Book Kate Forsyth wrote her first novel at the age of seven , and is now the internationally bestselling & award - winning author of thirty books , ranging from picture books to poetry to novels for both adults and children . She was recently voted one of Australia 's Favourite 20 Novelists , and has been called ' one of the finest writers of this generation . She is also an accredited master storyteller with the Australian Guild of Storytellers , and has told stories to both children and adults all over the world . Since ' The Witches of Eileanan ' was named a Best First Novel of 1998 by Locus Magazine , Kate has won or been nominated for numerous awards , including a CYBIL Award in the US . She 's also the only author to win five Aurealis awards in a single year , for her Chain of Charms series - beginning with ' The Gypsy Crown ' - which tells of the adventures of two Romany children in the time of the English Civil War . Book 5 of the series , ' The Lightning Bolt ' , was also a CBCA Notable Book . Chelsea Waters lost her daughter two years ago on Christmas Day to a rare form of childhood cancer . Her career was over , then her marriage . Now all she has left is Hope 's Toy Chest . The toy drive she started in the memory of her daughter has become her everything . Cover Reveal : Destiny 's Wish - Book Two Single mother Nora Horton has the weight of the world on her shoulders . After her husband died while serving his country , she was left alone to raise their beautiful daughter , Destiny . She was able to pick up the pieces and move on for her daughter , but when Destiny 's cancer returns , Nora isn 't sure she can handle it any longer . She 's not certain she can be strong for her daughter when she 's falling apart inside . Doctor Brian West is a pediatric cardiologist at Cedar Grove Children 's Hospital and has seen many sick children during his years there . He 's always been able to do his job without letting it get to him because he knows that if he 's distracted for even a minute , someone could die because of him . When he stumbles upon Nora , the recognition is instant and he can 't distance himself from her or her sick little girl , especially not when the little girl tells him her wish . can 't have love without trust , so Lefty never looked twice at a woman . Betrayed at a young age , the only people he trusts are his brothers in the Dueling Devils motorcycle club . The boys took him in and showed him the meaning of family and loyalty . Then he broke his own rule , and slept with the same woman more than once . She became a habit , and he got ensnared by the Island beauty who ruled her strip club with an iron fist . The problem is Gia 's not interested in anything serious . began to trust Lefty , she knew she was in too deep . The smart thing would 've been to walk away , but the chemistry between them was too powerful . Then he started asking for more , and she was forced to run from the only thing she ever really wanted , a place to belong . The skeletons buried in her closet need to stay buried to keep her safe , but ~ If you enjoyed the Dueling Devils series , you may want to pick up a copy of her full length M . C . Novel , Wesson Rebels M . C . Book one : Always you are a Sons of Anarchy fan , you 'll love this story . Told from multiple points of view throughout time , this story weaves a journey of angst , pain , friendship and love . You 'll be pulled in from the first word ! I couldn 't put it down ! ! My Review : HorrorStör is a seriously fun book . It 's a quick read with a very unique visual style . Obviously it 's supposed to look ( on the outside ) like an IKEA catalog and is littered on the inside with descriptions and pictures of furniture . I really loved the concept of this story . The plot sounded so very interesting . The book was fun . The story was creepy at times and interesting , but there were a few issues from the start . I did like the characters , but I didn 't really feel like they were given as much development time as I 'd like . When the shizz hits the fan , I was kind of hard pressed to care about anyone besides Amy and Basil . I sorta kind of cared about Ruth Anne , but that was just because she was like that sweet crazy Aunt in everyone 's family . Character development was really sorely lacking in this book . The other big thing was the set up . It took waaaay too long for things to get started . I understand that setting up the plot is super important . I get that totally , but it really took too much time to build tension . By the middle of the book the really creepy bits were being thrown at us out of seemingly nowhere . I really though that Josiah was pretty darn terrifyingly insane , and definitely was a good bad guy , but I think he could have been used a lot more than the penitents to creep things up . I felt like he was pretty underused . I did have fun with this one though , I really did . It was creepy fun . It really reminded me of House of Leaves by Mark Z . Danielewski , which is a book that I think did the whole " shifting and changing house / store to mess with your brain and drive you crazy " schtick , so very well . Whereas , HoLs was a bit too long in my opinion , HorrorStör seemed too short . I think it would have been so much better with maybe another 50 + pages . ( Although it probably would have been too thick to fit with the catalog theme ? ) Amazon ( Pre - Order ) | Barnes & Noble ( Pre - Order ) Book Excerpt : Carrie Ann . The words felt like two gunshots to the chest . Just hearing that name come out of her mother 's mouth made Grace 's heart start tripping . She almost shot out of her chair . " I 'm Grace , " she said . " Gracie Ann . " Her voice cracked . " Dad ? " she said . " She 's confused , honey . The past and the present , it 's just one big , ugly glob . " Pinpricks of shame began forming at the base of Grace 's spine . " My God , " Grace said . This time she did shoot out of her chair . Carrie Ann was the only girl foster child the Sawyers had ever taken in . At first she had been like a sister to Grace . Her father whacked his newspaper on the side of his chair . " I told you she wasn 't ! And I should know . I 've been sitting right here ! " " She 's still such a pretty girl , " Jody said . " She asked about you , Grace . She asked me all sorts of questions about you . " " Dad , " Grace said . " Hush . " Her mother suddenly became very still , which meant she was listening . Grace took her father by his arm and led him back to his chair . " I can 't help it . Carrie Ann this - Carrie Ann that . I thought we 'd put that nuisance behind us for once and for all . Is this what it comes to ? Reliving your worst nightmare ? " " I 've never heard you speak so harshly about Carrie Ann , " Grace said . Her mom was the one who used to say the worst things about Carrie Ann . She said Carrie Ann was evil . She said Carrie Ann was a curse that would follow all of them to their graves . Once she even said there wasn 't enough Lysol in the world to get rid of that stain . And each insult cut into Grace like her mother was saying it about her . Her sister . Of sorts . Her own Dickens - like drama . Carrie Ann was the best thing that had ever happened to Grace , and she was the worst . She 'd been out of their lives for nearly fifteen years . And Grace had spent every one of them trying , and failing , to put the past behind her . She turned to her father . " Because I don 't want to dredge up all that nonsense . It 's her damn medication . I keep telling the doctor it 's making her worse , and he won 't listen to me . " Her father slammed his fist on the arm of the chair . " These people think just because we 're old that we 're stupid . She wouldn 't be so forgetful if she cut down on some of those pills . How do I know that ? Because she 's my wife . Because I 've been married to this woman for forty - four years . You know what he said to me ? " " Put me in my place . In front of my wife . ' You 're a psychotherapist , correct ? Not a psychiatrist ? You don 't prescribe medication ? ' That 's what the snot - nosed so - called doctor actually said to me . Can you believe that ? Some twenty - year - old who just started wiping his own ass . I 'm telling you she 's on too many pills ! Makes her soupy . He won 't listen to me ! " " I can 't bear hearing her talk about Carrie Ann . Your mother 's the one who told us never to mention Carrie Anne 's name again . " Forbid us . Forbid us to ever mention her name again . " I know , Dad . I 'll talk to the doctor . Calm down . " " I always wanted to go to Spain , " Jody said . She turned off the television and patted the side of the bed . So she 'd heard and understood the conversation . God , the brain was a mysterious thing . And now Grace couldn 't believe her father had just said " naked stud muffins . " Maybe getting away for a bit wasn 't such a bad idea . Grace turned back to her mother . " Why did you always want to go to Spain ? " " I know , " Grace said . It had been just after Grace 's grandfather had died . Her grandparents were supposed to take the trip together . Everyone thought Annette Jennings would cancel the trip . Instead , she buried her husband and packed her bags . Little Annette who had never been outside of her home state . Grace had had many conversations with her grandmother about that trip . She was proud of her too . " It was really something , " Jim said . " Because in those days seventy wasn 't the new fifty or whatever the kids say today . Seventy was seventy . " Jody Sawyer straightened up , and her eyes seemed to take in more light . " Well , it 's not like it is now . Women didn 't travel alone back then . Wasn 't that brave ? My mother sent me a postcard from Madrid of a beautiful tango dancer in a red dress . The dress was made of actual material - beautiful red silk right on the postcard . I 'll never forget it . She 'd only written one sentence on the back . ' Robert would 've loved the landing . ' My father was very picking with landings and always impressed when the pilot pulled off a smooth one . Anyway . As soon as I got that postcard I knew my mother was going to be all right . ' Robert would have loved the landing . ' After she died I spent hours just touching that silky red dress with the tips of my fingers and imagining my mother dancing in the streets of Spain . " Jody Sawyer looked up and swayed her upper body slightly as if watching her faraway self dance . Then she looked down at her hands , twisting the bed sheet . " Look how ugly and wrinkled I am now . " Grace hesitated . Did she , or didn 't she ? Grace opened the bedside drawer and took out the postcard . Her mother was right . The dress was silky . Grace handed it to her mother and watched her eyes light up . Next her mother gently outlined the edge of the dancer 's dress with the trembling tip of her right index finger . Her fingernail was misshapen , the peach paint flaking . Grace would have to see if they could bring in a manicurist . Jody looked at Grace , her eyes clear and bright . " Gracie Ann you have to go . Film everything . I 'm dying to see Barcelona through you . " Grace must have looked stricken , for her mother laughed and then put her hand over her heart . " Sorry , no pun intended . " Like antennas being manipulated for a clearer signal , sometimes her mother tuned in perfectly . Jody Sawyer laughed again , and Grace couldn 't help but laugh with her . " Make me feel like I 'm there , " Jody said , closing her eyes . " Help me shut out this hospice . Let me see beautiful Barcelona . " She took Grace 's hand and held it . " Do it for me . I 'll feel like I 'm with you . Bring a camera . And your guitar , " she added . " You never know . " When Grace still didn 't answer , her mother opened her eyes , and lifted Grace 's chin up with her hand like she used to do when Grace was a child . " Be brave , Gracie Ann . Just like my mother . " This was a very nice surprise ! I did not expect this book to be so . . grabey ( I couldn 't think of another word ! ) ! I felt pulled in almost instantly , and didn 't want to put the novel down for one second ! The story flows pretty swiftly and doesn 't lag . I enjoyed the mix of genres in this one . There 's family drama , mystery , a bit of a thriller edge to it as well . It certainly felt like a unique read . The characters were all really developed and unique too . I didn 't feel like I quite knew what to expect by anyone ! That element of surprise really got me and kept me hooked . When John Wilkes Booth shoots Lincoln with a bullet cursed by the notorious Chicken Man , a local voodoo practitioner , he unwittingly sets in motion a chain of events extending far into the future . Instead of killing Lincoln , the bullet puts the president into a coma for sixty - eight years , his body remaining limber and ageless . When he awakens in 1933 , Abe Lincoln is a man out of time , a revered icon . . . and a political pariah . FDR and J . Edgar Hoover not only do not want him around , they want him to retire . But their plan to be rid of him backfires and Lincoln is on the run , a fugitive from justice . Determined to reach Chicago and retrieve the small fortune left in trust for him by his long - dead son , Lincoln discovers that Hoover has confiscated all his money , leaving him destitute . With Bureau of Investigation agent Melvin Purvis in hot pursuit , Lincoln finds his way to a hobo camp where he befriends a young runaway , who agrees to accompany the former president back to Washington . There Lincoln hopes that Hannah Wheelhouse , the Chicken Man 's granddaughter , can help him find the peace he longs for . Then by the side of the road after the robbery , Dillinger takes a liking to Lincoln and invites him to join the gang , promising him he 'll get all his money back . Will Lincoln survive long enough to recapture his fortune and get away , or will he be hunted down in a manner unbefitting a martyred President ? My Review : This was quite a strange book , and I mean that in a very good way . I enjoyed it very much ! I kind of went into this thinking it would be a certain kind of read and got something else entirely ! I again , mean that in a good way . This plot could have turned out so very cheesy , but it did not . I really do enjoy how Anthony and Walker told a very usual , but thought provoking story . I started to wonder what other historical figures would react / think if removed from their time and brought into a different one . SO much geeky fun ! Okay , so back to the story . I thought it flowed very smoothly . I enjoyed the way the writers handled Abe and made him out to be a fleshed out character and not someone stuck in the pages of a history book . There are other historical figures woven through , and I thought that was just darn spiffy ! From start to finish , this was my face . I love the way this book was written ! It should definitely be a movie ! So to Mr . Anthony and Mr . Walker . . . stand up and take a bow ! This is one heck of a book ! My Review : Okay I 'm going to say this straight out the gate , I know very very very little about Jewish folklore . I really loved the family dynamics , the history and the way the writer slide the folklore in . It was fun to read , got me in the feels a few times , and wasn 't like anything I 've read before . Were there flat notes for me ? Yeah , there was one that got me . I don 't know if it 's because I read and ARC or what , but the switching of the viewpoints ( between the notebook and present day ) left me a bit confused a few times . This did snatch me back to reality here and there , but I was eager to get back into the story . All in all I would say that this was a very solid read . I will definitely keep my eye out for more from Stephanie Feldman . If you are looking for a family drama / folklore - y kind of tale then this is one you should definitely check out ! " I am Britannia . I am your protector . I will fend off the hungry hordes of undead hands that reach toward you . I am your steadfast defender . I will stand between you and the zombie masses as they try to taste your flesh . I am strong , unyielding , and dedicated to your survival . All I ask from you … is your blood . " A five - hundred - year - old bloody game of vengeance will need to be put on hold if vampires are to survive the zombie uprising . Britannia and Nicholas , bitter enemies and the only two surviving vampires left in London , have to work together to save un - infected humans and deliver them safely to a vampire stronghold in the Scottish Highlands . Unable to drink the zombie ' bad blood ' , the remaining vampires need the humans to stay alive . But will the vampires tell the survivors who they are and what they want from them ? Will Britannia be able to hold back her vengeance for the greater good ? Is survivor Josh the reincarnation of Britannia 's murdered true love ? And can she bring herself to deliver him to the ' safe ' hold ? Survival instincts run deep , but bad blood can run deeper . I guess I 've always been a storyteller , not in a ' liar liar pants on fire ' kind of way , although I do work in advertising ! When I was little , kids would crowd around me in the playground and I 'd tell them tales of blood soaked horror filled with vampires , werewolves , ghosts and more . Yes , most would consider me a disturbed child , but my playmates couldn 't help themselves , they 'd huddle around me every break time like an ancient tribe feeding off the fear ; and that 's how I learned that horror stories hold a certain power , no matter what some might say , everyone is addicted to a good scare , especially if it is somewhat rooted safely in unrealistic beings … or are they unrealistic ? Writing was really a natural progression . Right now I 'm obsessed with writing : a YA Urban Fantasy novel , a Paranormal Romance novella series , and several short horror stories ! So I 'm currently living in a functional fiction coma - and loving it ! We ran to the hospital . On the way , we encountered hardly anyone , alive or dead . Where were they all ? When we arrived at the hospital car park , I understood . Zombies were pack animals . A massive crowd of them were crammed in and around the main building like they were waiting for a concert to start , all barely paying attention to their surroundings and seemingly swaying against the force of gravity . The other thing was the smell . When watching horror films filled with shuffling zombies , the horror came from their ghastly looks - the reminder that death has a tight grip on us all , well , most of us . But what the filmmakers should focus on - if they could - was the acidic rank odor zombies gave off . They had been dead barely twenty - four hours . It took a normal human body at least thirty - six hours to really start to smell , and that was with a vampire 's heightened senses . These guys smelled like they 'd been out in the sun for three weeks covered in rubbish and besieged by wily maggots . They were mostly intact , though . Maybe this hospital had been Zombie Ground Zero . Most had turned so quickly their comrades hadn 't had time to feed . " Acting like a lady isn 't going to help now , is it ? What do you want me to do ? Drop my handkerchief in front of the zombies and watch them fight one another to scoop it up for me ? Moron ! "
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Frightfall Read - a - Thon plans ! Day 1 and 2 Welp , my impromptu read - a - thon ended yesterday , and now a new one begins today ! WOOT WOOT ! The official dates for this event are September 29 through October 5 . Guidelines for the read - a - thon can be found HERE . You have to read at least one book that 's scary / thrillerish / or similar . Our Twitter hashtag is # FrightFall . Notes : I got stupid busy at work and had to put aside reading for the bill paying things . I am hoping today is going to be more reading heavy than work heavy , but oh well . I have to go where the money is . . . cuz ya . . that doesn 't make me sound whorish now does it ? lol In I SHALL BE NEAR TO YOU , McCabe introduces us to newlywed Rosetta Wakefield . More accustomed to working as her father 's farmhand and happiest doing what others might call " man 's work , " Rosetta struggles with how to be a good wife to her childhood beau and new husband , Jeremiah . When Jeremiah leaves home to join the Union army , Rosetta finds the only way she can honor Jeremiah is to be with her husband - no matter what . . This book had me from the first word . I do so love a female character with gumption and strength , and Rosetta was definitely a strong character ! I really liked how she did what she thought was best , no matter the consequences and no matter what anyone said . Yes , the " disguising herself as a man " trope isn 't new , but in this case it was done so well that it felt fresh ! I was pleased by the writing too ! It 's books like this that make me want to venture into Historical Fiction more often ! The plot was seamless and delightful , and the characters were vivid . I will most likely read more from this author . A great read ! at " This is one of those books that sucks you in and keeps your interest until the very end . " - Jodie 's W . I . N . E . List " This was a refreshing , real story that had me captivated from the first page . Dee and Mick were wonderful characters full of real flaws , real strengths and real passion . " - Beth S About Me : An American living in Canada . Chocolate snob . Recovering yo - yo dieter . Devoted mom and wife , blessed with a brilliantly witty daughter and unintentionally humorous husband . My wacky family feed my creativity and fuel my passion . Most nights , you will find me either curled up with a great book or , more often , sitting at my computer , tapping out the countless visions in my head . To me , there is nothing better in a narrative than perfectly flawed but strong characters and intense romance that is sexy , deep , and sensual . Mm … I liken such stories to a box of Godiva . Decadent and delicious ! You can 't stop at just one . In fact , I 'm now hard at work on my next novel - A Naked Beauty , the conclusion to Fat Girl . Drink Good Coffee and Read * good * Books A - Thon ( last update . . updated ) I made a fancy button thingy ! Lookit me ! All growed up ! So I am slowly falling behind on my TBR stack , and well . . . that 's never a good thing . ( Doesn 't help I keep BUYING new books , but anyhoodle ! ) So what 's a gal to do ? Well if you are a nerdlette like me , you make your own freaking read - a - thon ! So what if you do it by yourself ! You gotta warm up your eye holes for the October thon anways ! So starting now ( 3pm CST ) until Midnight ( ish ) on Sunday , I will be risking my eye sight to cut down my TBR stack ! Reading and drinking insane amounts of caffeine and nerding out ! You CAN read with me , or you can just point and laugh as I slowly slip into a reading / caffeine induced insanity ! Your call ! Here goes ! 1st Book : ( Finishing Reading ) The Selection by Kiera Cass Finished : YES ! Thoughts : I loved it so so much ! I bought the second book in the series ! * See I told you I do stupid things like buy new books when I don 't need to ! * 2nd Book : Finished : YES ! Book 2 woot woot ! Thoughts : OMG ! I knew that I was enjoying this series , but dang how good it is ? AMAZEBALLS good ! So yeah , on to book 3 ! ( Another new purchase but I don 't even give a fudge ! ) 3rd Book : The One by Kiera Cass Thoughts : So good ! UPDATE THE FINAL : I read a total of 2 1 / 2 books this weekend ! I would have read more , but there was booze and new shows to watch ! I did feel super awesome amazing about reading my 2 1 / 2 though ! Even though , 1 and 1 / 2 of them were bought instead of from my TBR stack ! Oh well . The FrightFall readathon is on ! I 'll get more knocked off this week ! WOOT WOOT ! Anything beyond a 4th book is just ridiculous , but given the right amounts of insanity and coffee I may just do it ? Who knows ! ? Check back later to see if I am still alive / functioning ! at I will start off by saying that this book was deelightful . It had pretty much everything you could want in a fairy tale " re - telling " and then some ! The writing is superb . The characters are awesome and beautifully written , and well . . it just kept me happy throughout . This story was far more than I expected . This book is simply magical ! I swear to all that is holy and good that if you enjoy re - tellings this is the NEXT one you should read ! Buy the Book Kate Forsyth wrote her first novel at the age of seven , and is now the internationally bestselling & award - winning author of thirty books , ranging from picture books to poetry to novels for both adults and children . She was recently voted one of Australia 's Favourite 20 Novelists , and has been called ' one of the finest writers of this generation . She is also an accredited master storyteller with the Australian Guild of Storytellers , and has told stories to both children and adults all over the world . Since ' The Witches of Eileanan ' was named a Best First Novel of 1998 by Locus Magazine , Kate has won or been nominated for numerous awards , including a CYBIL Award in the US . She 's also the only author to win five Aurealis awards in a single year , for her Chain of Charms series - beginning with ' The Gypsy Crown ' - which tells of the adventures of two Romany children in the time of the English Civil War . Book 5 of the series , ' The Lightning Bolt ' , was also a CBCA Notable Book . Chelsea Waters lost her daughter two years ago on Christmas Day to a rare form of childhood cancer . Her career was over , then her marriage . Now all she has left is Hope 's Toy Chest . The toy drive she started in the memory of her daughter has become her everything . Cover Reveal : Destiny 's Wish - Book Two Single mother Nora Horton has the weight of the world on her shoulders . After her husband died while serving his country , she was left alone to raise their beautiful daughter , Destiny . She was able to pick up the pieces and move on for her daughter , but when Destiny 's cancer returns , Nora isn 't sure she can handle it any longer . She 's not certain she can be strong for her daughter when she 's falling apart inside . Doctor Brian West is a pediatric cardiologist at Cedar Grove Children 's Hospital and has seen many sick children during his years there . He 's always been able to do his job without letting it get to him because he knows that if he 's distracted for even a minute , someone could die because of him . When he stumbles upon Nora , the recognition is instant and he can 't distance himself from her or her sick little girl , especially not when the little girl tells him her wish . can 't have love without trust , so Lefty never looked twice at a woman . Betrayed at a young age , the only people he trusts are his brothers in the Dueling Devils motorcycle club . The boys took him in and showed him the meaning of family and loyalty . Then he broke his own rule , and slept with the same woman more than once . She became a habit , and he got ensnared by the Island beauty who ruled her strip club with an iron fist . The problem is Gia 's not interested in anything serious . began to trust Lefty , she knew she was in too deep . The smart thing would 've been to walk away , but the chemistry between them was too powerful . Then he started asking for more , and she was forced to run from the only thing she ever really wanted , a place to belong . The skeletons buried in her closet need to stay buried to keep her safe , but ~ If you enjoyed the Dueling Devils series , you may want to pick up a copy of her full length M . C . Novel , Wesson Rebels M . C . Book one : Always you are a Sons of Anarchy fan , you 'll love this story . Told from multiple points of view throughout time , this story weaves a journey of angst , pain , friendship and love . You 'll be pulled in from the first word ! I couldn 't put it down ! ! My Review : HorrorStör is a seriously fun book . It 's a quick read with a very unique visual style . Obviously it 's supposed to look ( on the outside ) like an IKEA catalog and is littered on the inside with descriptions and pictures of furniture . I really loved the concept of this story . The plot sounded so very interesting . The book was fun . The story was creepy at times and interesting , but there were a few issues from the start . I did like the characters , but I didn 't really feel like they were given as much development time as I 'd like . When the shizz hits the fan , I was kind of hard pressed to care about anyone besides Amy and Basil . I sorta kind of cared about Ruth Anne , but that was just because she was like that sweet crazy Aunt in everyone 's family . Character development was really sorely lacking in this book . The other big thing was the set up . It took waaaay too long for things to get started . I understand that setting up the plot is super important . I get that totally , but it really took too much time to build tension . By the middle of the book the really creepy bits were being thrown at us out of seemingly nowhere . I really though that Josiah was pretty darn terrifyingly insane , and definitely was a good bad guy , but I think he could have been used a lot more than the penitents to creep things up . I felt like he was pretty underused . I did have fun with this one though , I really did . It was creepy fun . It really reminded me of House of Leaves by Mark Z . Danielewski , which is a book that I think did the whole " shifting and changing house / store to mess with your brain and drive you crazy " schtick , so very well . Whereas , HoLs was a bit too long in my opinion , HorrorStör seemed too short . I think it would have been so much better with maybe another 50 + pages . ( Although it probably would have been too thick to fit with the catalog theme ? ) Amazon ( Pre - Order ) | Barnes & Noble ( Pre - Order ) Book Excerpt : Carrie Ann . The words felt like two gunshots to the chest . Just hearing that name come out of her mother 's mouth made Grace 's heart start tripping . She almost shot out of her chair . " I 'm Grace , " she said . " Gracie Ann . " Her voice cracked . " Dad ? " she said . " She 's confused , honey . The past and the present , it 's just one big , ugly glob . " Pinpricks of shame began forming at the base of Grace 's spine . " My God , " Grace said . This time she did shoot out of her chair . Carrie Ann was the only girl foster child the Sawyers had ever taken in . At first she had been like a sister to Grace . Her father whacked his newspaper on the side of his chair . " I told you she wasn 't ! And I should know . I 've been sitting right here ! " " She 's still such a pretty girl , " Jody said . " She asked about you , Grace . She asked me all sorts of questions about you . " " Dad , " Grace said . " Hush . " Her mother suddenly became very still , which meant she was listening . Grace took her father by his arm and led him back to his chair . " I can 't help it . Carrie Ann this - Carrie Ann that . I thought we 'd put that nuisance behind us for once and for all . Is this what it comes to ? Reliving your worst nightmare ? " " I 've never heard you speak so harshly about Carrie Ann , " Grace said . Her mom was the one who used to say the worst things about Carrie Ann . She said Carrie Ann was evil . She said Carrie Ann was a curse that would follow all of them to their graves . Once she even said there wasn 't enough Lysol in the world to get rid of that stain . And each insult cut into Grace like her mother was saying it about her . Her sister . Of sorts . Her own Dickens - like drama . Carrie Ann was the best thing that had ever happened to Grace , and she was the worst . She 'd been out of their lives for nearly fifteen years . And Grace had spent every one of them trying , and failing , to put the past behind her . She turned to her father . " Because I don 't want to dredge up all that nonsense . It 's her damn medication . I keep telling the doctor it 's making her worse , and he won 't listen to me . " Her father slammed his fist on the arm of the chair . " These people think just because we 're old that we 're stupid . She wouldn 't be so forgetful if she cut down on some of those pills . How do I know that ? Because she 's my wife . Because I 've been married to this woman for forty - four years . You know what he said to me ? " " Put me in my place . In front of my wife . ' You 're a psychotherapist , correct ? Not a psychiatrist ? You don 't prescribe medication ? ' That 's what the snot - nosed so - called doctor actually said to me . Can you believe that ? Some twenty - year - old who just started wiping his own ass . I 'm telling you she 's on too many pills ! Makes her soupy . He won 't listen to me ! " " I can 't bear hearing her talk about Carrie Ann . Your mother 's the one who told us never to mention Carrie Anne 's name again . " Forbid us . Forbid us to ever mention her name again . " I know , Dad . I 'll talk to the doctor . Calm down . " " I always wanted to go to Spain , " Jody said . She turned off the television and patted the side of the bed . So she 'd heard and understood the conversation . God , the brain was a mysterious thing . And now Grace couldn 't believe her father had just said " naked stud muffins . " Maybe getting away for a bit wasn 't such a bad idea . Grace turned back to her mother . " Why did you always want to go to Spain ? " " I know , " Grace said . It had been just after Grace 's grandfather had died . Her grandparents were supposed to take the trip together . Everyone thought Annette Jennings would cancel the trip . Instead , she buried her husband and packed her bags . Little Annette who had never been outside of her home state . Grace had had many conversations with her grandmother about that trip . She was proud of her too . " It was really something , " Jim said . " Because in those days seventy wasn 't the new fifty or whatever the kids say today . Seventy was seventy . " Jody Sawyer straightened up , and her eyes seemed to take in more light . " Well , it 's not like it is now . Women didn 't travel alone back then . Wasn 't that brave ? My mother sent me a postcard from Madrid of a beautiful tango dancer in a red dress . The dress was made of actual material - beautiful red silk right on the postcard . I 'll never forget it . She 'd only written one sentence on the back . ' Robert would 've loved the landing . ' My father was very picking with landings and always impressed when the pilot pulled off a smooth one . Anyway . As soon as I got that postcard I knew my mother was going to be all right . ' Robert would have loved the landing . ' After she died I spent hours just touching that silky red dress with the tips of my fingers and imagining my mother dancing in the streets of Spain . " Jody Sawyer looked up and swayed her upper body slightly as if watching her faraway self dance . Then she looked down at her hands , twisting the bed sheet . " Look how ugly and wrinkled I am now . " Grace hesitated . Did she , or didn 't she ? Grace opened the bedside drawer and took out the postcard . Her mother was right . The dress was silky . Grace handed it to her mother and watched her eyes light up . Next her mother gently outlined the edge of the dancer 's dress with the trembling tip of her right index finger . Her fingernail was misshapen , the peach paint flaking . Grace would have to see if they could bring in a manicurist . Jody looked at Grace , her eyes clear and bright . " Gracie Ann you have to go . Film everything . I 'm dying to see Barcelona through you . " Grace must have looked stricken , for her mother laughed and then put her hand over her heart . " Sorry , no pun intended . " Like antennas being manipulated for a clearer signal , sometimes her mother tuned in perfectly . Jody Sawyer laughed again , and Grace couldn 't help but laugh with her . " Make me feel like I 'm there , " Jody said , closing her eyes . " Help me shut out this hospice . Let me see beautiful Barcelona . " She took Grace 's hand and held it . " Do it for me . I 'll feel like I 'm with you . Bring a camera . And your guitar , " she added . " You never know . " When Grace still didn 't answer , her mother opened her eyes , and lifted Grace 's chin up with her hand like she used to do when Grace was a child . " Be brave , Gracie Ann . Just like my mother . " This was a very nice surprise ! I did not expect this book to be so . . grabey ( I couldn 't think of another word ! ) ! I felt pulled in almost instantly , and didn 't want to put the novel down for one second ! The story flows pretty swiftly and doesn 't lag . I enjoyed the mix of genres in this one . There 's family drama , mystery , a bit of a thriller edge to it as well . It certainly felt like a unique read . The characters were all really developed and unique too . I didn 't feel like I quite knew what to expect by anyone ! That element of surprise really got me and kept me hooked . When John Wilkes Booth shoots Lincoln with a bullet cursed by the notorious Chicken Man , a local voodoo practitioner , he unwittingly sets in motion a chain of events extending far into the future . Instead of killing Lincoln , the bullet puts the president into a coma for sixty - eight years , his body remaining limber and ageless . When he awakens in 1933 , Abe Lincoln is a man out of time , a revered icon . . . and a political pariah . FDR and J . Edgar Hoover not only do not want him around , they want him to retire . But their plan to be rid of him backfires and Lincoln is on the run , a fugitive from justice . Determined to reach Chicago and retrieve the small fortune left in trust for him by his long - dead son , Lincoln discovers that Hoover has confiscated all his money , leaving him destitute . With Bureau of Investigation agent Melvin Purvis in hot pursuit , Lincoln finds his way to a hobo camp where he befriends a young runaway , who agrees to accompany the former president back to Washington . There Lincoln hopes that Hannah Wheelhouse , the Chicken Man 's granddaughter , can help him find the peace he longs for . Then by the side of the road after the robbery , Dillinger takes a liking to Lincoln and invites him to join the gang , promising him he 'll get all his money back . Will Lincoln survive long enough to recapture his fortune and get away , or will he be hunted down in a manner unbefitting a martyred President ? My Review : This was quite a strange book , and I mean that in a very good way . I enjoyed it very much ! I kind of went into this thinking it would be a certain kind of read and got something else entirely ! I again , mean that in a good way . This plot could have turned out so very cheesy , but it did not . I really do enjoy how Anthony and Walker told a very usual , but thought provoking story . I started to wonder what other historical figures would react / think if removed from their time and brought into a different one . SO much geeky fun ! Okay , so back to the story . I thought it flowed very smoothly . I enjoyed the way the writers handled Abe and made him out to be a fleshed out character and not someone stuck in the pages of a history book . There are other historical figures woven through , and I thought that was just darn spiffy ! From start to finish , this was my face . I love the way this book was written ! It should definitely be a movie ! So to Mr . Anthony and Mr . Walker . . . stand up and take a bow ! This is one heck of a book ! My Review : Okay I 'm going to say this straight out the gate , I know very very very little about Jewish folklore . I really loved the family dynamics , the history and the way the writer slide the folklore in . It was fun to read , got me in the feels a few times , and wasn 't like anything I 've read before . Were there flat notes for me ? Yeah , there was one that got me . I don 't know if it 's because I read and ARC or what , but the switching of the viewpoints ( between the notebook and present day ) left me a bit confused a few times . This did snatch me back to reality here and there , but I was eager to get back into the story . All in all I would say that this was a very solid read . I will definitely keep my eye out for more from Stephanie Feldman . If you are looking for a family drama / folklore - y kind of tale then this is one you should definitely check out ! " I am Britannia . I am your protector . I will fend off the hungry hordes of undead hands that reach toward you . I am your steadfast defender . I will stand between you and the zombie masses as they try to taste your flesh . I am strong , unyielding , and dedicated to your survival . All I ask from you … is your blood . " A five - hundred - year - old bloody game of vengeance will need to be put on hold if vampires are to survive the zombie uprising . Britannia and Nicholas , bitter enemies and the only two surviving vampires left in London , have to work together to save un - infected humans and deliver them safely to a vampire stronghold in the Scottish Highlands . Unable to drink the zombie ' bad blood ' , the remaining vampires need the humans to stay alive . But will the vampires tell the survivors who they are and what they want from them ? Will Britannia be able to hold back her vengeance for the greater good ? Is survivor Josh the reincarnation of Britannia 's murdered true love ? And can she bring herself to deliver him to the ' safe ' hold ? Survival instincts run deep , but bad blood can run deeper . I guess I 've always been a storyteller , not in a ' liar liar pants on fire ' kind of way , although I do work in advertising ! When I was little , kids would crowd around me in the playground and I 'd tell them tales of blood soaked horror filled with vampires , werewolves , ghosts and more . Yes , most would consider me a disturbed child , but my playmates couldn 't help themselves , they 'd huddle around me every break time like an ancient tribe feeding off the fear ; and that 's how I learned that horror stories hold a certain power , no matter what some might say , everyone is addicted to a good scare , especially if it is somewhat rooted safely in unrealistic beings … or are they unrealistic ? Writing was really a natural progression . Right now I 'm obsessed with writing : a YA Urban Fantasy novel , a Paranormal Romance novella series , and several short horror stories ! So I 'm currently living in a functional fiction coma - and loving it ! We ran to the hospital . On the way , we encountered hardly anyone , alive or dead . Where were they all ? When we arrived at the hospital car park , I understood . Zombies were pack animals . A massive crowd of them were crammed in and around the main building like they were waiting for a concert to start , all barely paying attention to their surroundings and seemingly swaying against the force of gravity . The other thing was the smell . When watching horror films filled with shuffling zombies , the horror came from their ghastly looks - the reminder that death has a tight grip on us all , well , most of us . But what the filmmakers should focus on - if they could - was the acidic rank odor zombies gave off . They had been dead barely twenty - four hours . It took a normal human body at least thirty - six hours to really start to smell , and that was with a vampire 's heightened senses . These guys smelled like they 'd been out in the sun for three weeks covered in rubbish and besieged by wily maggots . They were mostly intact , though . Maybe this hospital had been Zombie Ground Zero . Most had turned so quickly their comrades hadn 't had time to feed . " Acting like a lady isn 't going to help now , is it ? What do you want me to do ? Drop my handkerchief in front of the zombies and watch them fight one another to scoop it up for me ? Moron ! "
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Joan B followed up with " As they are Tina 's fears , they are mine . The hair and wig cap on the back of my always stands up when ever I see this kind of jest / humor / mockery ? All in good fun and for the benefit of others Deborah added , " I did not find these understanding or respectful for transgendered persons . And the males looked awful ! No real care was taken in their looks . . . unlike other womanless pageants down South . " Diane Loring wrote , " . . . guys in beards , really camping it up for laughs , is degrading and insensitive . It 's kind of surprising that a southern Baptist church would sponsor it , unless it 's just to make fun of transgendered people . I don 't think they recognize gender identity issues . It 's really making fun of us who have to deal with our crossdressing or gender identity . All in all , I don 't think they help us . . . " The title of the episode was " Dharma Drags Edward Out of Retirement " and it involves edrag . com , a company that merchandizes women 's fashions for men . In my humble opinion , this episode of Dharma & Greg handled crossdressing far more respectfully than Work It . It was humorous without throwing transwomen under the bus . You can view the episode for yourself on YouTube , where it is in divided into three parts ( 1 , 2 , and 3 ) . • Lose ten pounds - - - I lost 12 pounds during 2011 ( and even better , have kept it off ) . I think it shows and I am very happy about accomplishing this To Do . • Write a book - - - I started to write a book , but did not finish it . If you are not completely out of the closet , dressing for the holidays can be a drag . Sure you can dress to the nines in your new cocktail dress to attend parties hosted by your fellow transpeople , but attending holiday gatherings hosted by civilians , that is , non - trans family and friends , usually means dressing in boring boy mode . But dressing like a boy does not have to be humdrum if you are willing to push the envelope . You can feminize your boy look just enough to please your inner girl , while maintaining enough boyishness so that civilians won 't question your gender . Dressing like the fellow pictured to the right would allow you to do just that . His hairdo is decidedly male , but was highlighted by his hairdresser to femme up his crowning glory . He wears minimum makeup - - - just foundation , tinted lip gloss , mascara , eyeliner and eyeshadow , which allows him to look pretty , but still maintain a boyish appearance . His black crepe romper with the silk satin bow tie hints at his feminine side , but still maintains a semblance of masculinity - - - after all , he is wearing pants , not a dress . Jumpers and rompers often have no pockets , so he has a perfect excuse for carrying a man - clutch ( he has to store his money , keys , hankies and makeup somewhere ) . Mantyhose were optional , but depilation was not ; no boy would be caught dead with hairy legs in an outfit like this , so a close shave of his manly gams was in order . To complete the look , flats would be a bust - - - a pair of sexy man - heels were a must . Finally , our fashionable fellow added the colorful necklace to make a feminine statement in case anyone missed the other feminine clues . This ensemble might be too edgy for some of us . Uncle Billy and Ma Bailey might faint dead away at the sight of a male relative showing up for Christmas Eve dinner in this outfit , but on the other hand , it may be acceptable in more diverse family settings . Your mileage will vary . If this outfit is too over the top for you , you can push the envelope without breaking it like I did today . It isLinks to this post " On January 3 , 2012 , ABC is set to premiere Work It , a sitcom about two men who dress as women to secure employment . At a time when the transgender community routinely finds itself in the cultural crosshairs , a show like this could put the transgender community in an even more dangerous position . " Today , " GLAAD [ Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation ] and HRC [ Human Rights Campaign ] , two national LGBT advocacy organizations , placed a full - page ad [ above ] in media industry publication Daily Variety as part of a campaign to educate the media industry and the general public around the show . The organizations also confirmed a meeting with ABC executives will take place to discuss the sitcom . " " ABC should not air this show - plain and simple . At the very least , Work It is offensive and insulting . At worst , the show is downright dangerous and sends a message that transgender people are to be laughed at , or are somehow less - than . This show would be a setback for transgender Americans , and for everyone who believes that all people deserve to be treated with respect and dignity . " * * * Those are excerpts from the GLAAD Work It webpage . To view the entire webpage , please follow this link . Also , there is an excellent new posting concerning Work It on the front page of The Huffington Post this morning written by Joe Solmonese and Mike Thompson , the president of the HRC and acting president of GLAAD , respectively . To read that post , please follow this link . Reactions : 6 comments : Last Thursday , I wrote here about complaining to the ABC television network that their new sitcom Work It , " belittles and mocks those who do not adhere to society 's gender norms , " and as a result , should not see the light of day . My concerns were only based on the short snippets of the show that appeared in the ads ABC has been airing . But from what little I had seen , I thought that it did not bode well transgenders , so I signed the Human Rights Campaign 's petition to stop the show . After reading this on The Huffington Post today , I believe that my concerns were justified . The Huffington Post article was written by Cathy Renna , who saw a complete episode of the show . After reading her article , all I can say is that the show is worse than I imagined and I urge you to sign the petition . Reactions : 3 comments : The chances are zero to none that Stana will receive a Christmas present , so Stana has to buy her own Christmas present . I love clothing made with jacquard fabric and I have been keeping an eye on a black " Tailored Jacquard Sheath Dress with Patent Bow Belt " that Spiegel has been showing this fall . It is pricey ( $ 159 ) , so I did not purchase it , but I kept my fingers crossed that it would go on sale or end up in clearance sooner or later . I am on Spiegel 's daily mailing list and yesterday 's missive from Spiegel announced a one - day dress sale , 75 % off list price ! Oh My God ! I navigated to the Spiegel website as fast as my mouse could mouse over there to see if " my " jacquard dress was available . It was available and I ordered it for $ 39 . 75 . So , " Merry Christmas " to me ! Reactions : 4 comments : Some rules were made to be broken , especially when it comes to beauty . From washing your hair every day to matching your manicure to your pedicure , there 's tons of old sayings that just don 't make sense anymore . Daily Makeover pulled together the top 12 rules and the celebrities who break ' em best , so you can learn how to do it yourself ! Driving to my aunts ' for Christmas Eve dinner about ten years ago , I heard the beginning of a familiar Christmas song playing on the radio , but when the vocal began , I realized that the words were different and the song was a parody of Winter Wonderland with a crossdressing theme . The parody was Bob Rivers ' Walkin ' ' Round In Women 's Underwear . It is available from Amazon . com on a Bob Rivers ' CD titled I Am Santa Claus . It is also available on YouTube in various flavors . When I heard Walkin ' ' Round In Women 's Underwear the first time , I was inspired to write my own Christmas song parody . Mine is called Miss Stana 's Song and it is sung to the tune The Christmas Song , that is , Nat King Cole 's big Christmas hit ( " Chestnuts roasting in an open fire . . . yadda yadda yadda " ) . Here are my lyrics : Miss Stana 's Song ( Sung to the tune of The Christmas Song ) Breast forms resting in my Wonderbra , Corset nipping at my waist , Lacy garters attached to sheer hose , My knee - high leather boots are laced . Everybody knows a mini - skirt and low - cut blouse , Help to make my look complete , Tiny teats taped together so close Make cleavage possible for me . They know that Stana 's on her way , She 's loaded lots of thick beard cover on today , And ev ' ry mother 's child is gonna look To see if Stana really knows how to tuck . And so , I 'm offering this simple phrase To kids from one to ninety - two , Altho ' it 's been said many times , many ways , " I 'm a tranny , what 's it to you ! " Reactions : 5 comments : Nothing makes me more giddy than to have a reason to wear a pretty gown and show off my feminine finery . It 's even better when I can contribute to a worthy cause at the same time . Last month , that 's exactly what happened when I attended the third annual Fall Achievement Benefit . The FAB as it 's called , is a key source of funding for the LGBT Community Center Coalition of Central Pennsylvania . The event also recognizes individuals in the community that have contributed greatly to the LGBT cause . It 's a wonderful event and this year , like years past , those of us that make up the " T " in LGBT were well represented . There were approximately 500 guests in attendance and there were nearly 40 of us girls . Friday evening , 12 of us went out to dinner at a local restaurant and afterward we came back to the hotel for a drink before heading out to a local club for some dancing ; at least that 's what we thought we were going to do . When we got back to the hotel lounge , it was packed with people and in the course of getting served and finding places to sit , we soon found ourselves in the middle of some pretty heavy conversation . Most of it centered around the way we were dressed and why we were presenting ourselves as girls . In essence we were conducting impromptu outreach . It always amazes and thrills me when people want to know why I dress the way I do . The ensuing conversations were rich and rewarding and soon our little circle was so absorbed we forgot all about dancing . We closed the lounge and I didn 't get to bed until after 2 AM . On Saturday morning , some of the girls went shopping . Some of us stayed close to the hotel and did a little local sightseeing instead . After lunch , I spent the remainder of the afternoon getting myself ready for the evening formal . The preparation is almost as much fun as going out . Our group had agreed earlier that we would rendezvous in the lounge for a before - the - formal drink . When I arrived around 5 PM dressed to the nines , many of my girlfriends had already arrived . They all looked so lovely in their sexy dresses , gorgeous gowns , and killer shoes . We really did make for a lovely group of girls if I do say so myself . The lounge crowd wasn 't too large at 5 PM , but like the night before we quickly found ourselves the center of attention . For some reason , T girls really do draw a crowd . We had to literally drag ourselves away from our new found friends to ensure we wouldn 't miss the evening 's big event . As we made our way to the ballroom , I had a confident feeling that I 'd find my way back to the lounge later in the evening . The reception was wonderful and provided a great opportunity to catch up with acquaintances from years past . The girls were beautiful and the guys looked so dapper in their tuxes and tails . I took the time to pose with a few friends for a professional portrait photographer and then I did some more socializing before we were seated for dinner . Dinner was excellent and after the presentations were finished , we just couldn 't wait to get up out of our seats to dance . The DJ served up a non - stop menu of great dance tunes and soon the dance floor was packed with an undulating mass of boys and girls . Usually I 'm not much of a dancer , but there 's something about a dress and high heels that make the urge to boogie overwhelming . I found myself happily swaying with rest of the crowd . I had the opportunity to dance with girls , with boys , and with boys who were dressed like girls . It was all great fun and as I moved from dance partner to dance partner I was suddenly surprised to find that my newest dance partner was a girl I had met earlier in the lounge . She , her two girlfriends and their boyfriends had sneaked in to the party to join us . I danced until my feet were screaming for me to stop . The music was winding down by then anyway , so a group of us made our way back downstairs to the hotel lounge . I just knew it would call me back ! Like the night before , the lounge was absolutely packed . We met more new friends , engaged in more impromptu outreach , and simply had a wonderfully fulfilling experience interacting with a friendly and very accepting crowd . Like accomplished party animals , we closed the lounge for second night in a row . As tired as I was , it was too sad and too soon to be saying goodnight . Alas , all good things must come to an end . This year 's FAB didn 't disappoint . I got to be a glamorous girl for two full days . I danced , made friends , and generated memories that will last a lifetime . The event also raised quite a bit of money for LGBT Community Center Coalition of Central Pennsylvania and that isn 't a bad thing either . I can 't wait until next year ! Cyrsti of Transdesance . . Cyrsti 's Condo fame , mentions yours truly in her Nuture Your Transgender Style ! post yesterday . It is a good read ( which is typical of her blog postings ) , so check it out . As I exited the law school , I asked the security guard , who had been very personable so far , if she would take my photo . She was happy to do so and was even willing to go outdoors to take it . It was a beautiful December day , so we decided to do the photoshoot outdoors . The photo accompanying this post is from that shoot and is a rare photo of me with eyeglasses on . I thanked her for her hospitality and left the school . It was 10 : 45 AM and I was all dressed up , but had nowhere to go ! Actually I had two plans in mind . I considered visiting the beautiful mall in Holyoke , which was just 20 minutes from the law school . But I was not in the mood to spend the rest of the day shopping . Plan B was to visit Mohegan Sun to check out the new Sephora store there and to play some slots . It was an hour drive , but it was a beautiful day for driving and I was in the mood . The casino was very quiet . I know that the casino has been hurting , but I have never seen it so deserted . The casino used to be vibrant and exciting ( to me ) . Yesterday , it was kind of sad . I played a few slots , but I just went through the motions for about an hour and lost more than I won . Since I was not having much fun playing slots , I decided to find the new Sephora store and have fun with makeup . Shortly after entering the store , a saleswoman approached me , said she " loved " my shoes , and offered assistance . I asked about advances in foundations and she said that the one I was using ( Laura Mercier powder foundation ) was still the best . Then I asked her to give me her opinion of my visage . She immediately mentioned the sun damage on the sides of my neck . All of the foundations I have tried only cover the damage temporarily and sooner or later ( usually sooner ) , the red skin shows through . She suggested I try using a color correcting foundation primer from Smashbox . It is green and it goes on where needed before the foundation . She sold me on it and that is what I carried home in my little Sephora bag . As I exited the store , both of my feet cried " Uncle ! " By that time , I had worn my new to - die - for patent red and black Nine West Mary - Janes for over six hours without a problem . I had walked all over the law school and casino and had driven over two hours in a standard transmission vehicle wearing them without a complaint . I had even remarked to myself how comfortable they were . Now , suddenly , my feet were screaming . I had brought along my backup comfy mid - heel Mary - Janes , but they were in my Subaru parked at the other end of the casino ( and Mohegan Sun happens to be the second largest casino in the USA ) . I considered walking barefoot , but I didn 't , so I walked very slowly and sat down a couple of times along the way . As soon as I got to my car , I put on my comfy Mary - Janes and they felt like bedroom slippers in comparison to my Nine West Mary - Janes . I drove home and my day en femme was over . All the people ( male and female ) who I encountered yesterday were polite , often friendly , and always helpful when I needed their assistance . I don 't know if I passed or not and whether passing had anything to do with their reaction to me . I have reached a stage in my life in which passing is not a deal breaker . When I prepare to go out , I do my best to be passable . I try to be impeccable in my dress and makeup and make sure that there is not a hair out of place , but once I am out the door , I stop being concerned about passing . I used to be very shy when I was en femme fearing that everyone I encountered would read me . If they seemed ok with me , then I would open up and be more like myself , but if they were not ok with me , I would get out of Dodge as quickly as possible Now , I am personable to everyone I encounter . I don 't wait to see how they react to me . I believe that by being personable and outgoing , it surprises people and they react positively whether they read me or not . And I don 't even think about it . That 's the way I am in boy mode and now that I am free of the shackles of passing , I can also be myself in girl mode . Please go here to tell ABC that their programming ( for example , " Work It " ) should not mock transgender people ! Let them know we can 't support programming that belittles and mocks those who do not adhere to society 's gender norms . Reactions : 3 comments : In 1983 , I purged everything related to femulating . Not only did I discard replaceable items like clothing , wigs , makeup , etc . , I also discarded irreplaceable items , primarily my collection of self - taken photographs . As a result , I no longer own a single photo of myself en femme prior to age 32 . I asked her , but after searching her resources , she responded that she could not find it . She explained that the majority of online yearbooks are of the high school variety ; only a few college and graduate school yearbooks are online . She suggested contacting my law school . I phoned the law school library and asked if they had the yearbook in their stacks . They checked and as it turned out , they had it ! They welcomed me to visit the library to view it and photocopy anything I wanted . Wednesday , I dressed en femme . I wore the black dress with the sequins pattern at the neckline that I bought from Ideeli , nude pantyhose , my new Nine West patent red and black Mary Janes , a new matching red bag from ShoeDazzle , earrings , bracelet , and watch . I topped everything off with my white fake fur coat and was off to Springfield to visit my alma mater . There was a security guard station at the entrance . The library is not open to the general public ; only students , alumni , faculty , and attorneys can gain admittance . I explained to the guard that I was an alumnus and she asked me for a photo ID . As I extracted my driver 's license from my purse , I told the guard that I was trans and that I looked a little different than the photo on the ID . After she logged me in , I walked down the hall to the library . It was deserted . Final exams were underway and I assume most of the students were in the classrooms filling up blue books . ( Do they still use blue books ? ) I am on the road en femme today . If my trip is successful , I will have a surprise for you on Thursday . If it is not successful , I will still have a roadtrip report for you to read . I was checking the blog statistics this evening and something did not add up literally . The hit counter was in error and has been that way for a very long time . Instead of 2 . 6 million hits , the actual count is more like 4 . 5 million hits . I 'm speechless ( or rather wordless ) ! ! ! According to The Huffington Post today , " Andrej Pejic , a man with no breasts at all , is the star of a lingerie ad campaign promoting push - up bras . Modeling for Dutch company Hema , Pejic wears the brand 's Mega Push - Up Bra ( just 20 euros ! ) underneath two different v - neck dresses . " Read the rest of the story here ( while I gather my thoughts ) . Reactions : 12 comments : In February , I wrote here about the Miss Eng ' g ( Engineering ) womanless beauty pageant at the College of Engineering , University of Philippines - Diliman . In my opinion , it was " one of the best , if not the best womanless pageant conducted at an educational institute , whether it be grammar school , middle school , high school , or college . " Yamini just informed me that the 2011 installment of the pageant has its Facebook page up and running . This year 's contestants are as amazing as past year contestants . It is hard to believe that the " girls " are really boys ; all the femulations are excellent . But that is just my opinion . See for yourself by visiting the Miss Eng ' g Facebook page and feast your eyes on the images displayed at the following links : • Evening gown portraits • Swimsuit portraits • Character portraits • Boy mode portraits Truly amazing ! Reactions : 8 comments : This is my 2 , 000th posting here . Who would have thought that when I started this blog 1 , 767 days ago on February 5 , 2007 , that it would still be going strong 2 , 000 posts later . But you folks keep coming back , so I keep blogging ( or is it vice versa ? ) . Some statistics : 702 of you have signed up as " Members , " formerly known as " Followers , " while over 5 , 200 of you visit this blog each day ( averaged over the past 30 days ) . Meanwhile , the all - time hit counter just passed the 2 - 2 / 3 million mark . ( Those numbers amaze me ! ) All I have to say is " Thank you for your patronage . " * * * If you have been following along , you may recall that Tuesday night was my Avon representatives Christmas party . Well , I missed it . A number of anticipated and unanticipated events lined up to block my way and I could not leave work early enough to get en femme and attend the party , which began at 6 PM . The way things were going , I had a feeling for the last few days previous to the party that I was going to miss it and I have been very unhappy as a result . But I have no one to blame but myself ; better planning on my part would have permitted me to go . On the other hand , I received some good news in the way of a package that USPS delivered on Tuesday . The red and black patent Mary Janes that I returned to Nine West because they were too small finally showed up one size larger . The larger size is a very comfortable fit , so that made up a little for missing the Christmas party . On the other hand , the shoes arrived in time so that I could have worn them to the party . Darn it ! Reactions : 11 comments : Cheryl sent me a link to an excellent YouTube video titled " A Drag Christmas . " Snooping around YouTube , I found two additional videos from the same show : " All I Want for Christmas " and " Turkey Lurkey Time . " You tell me who are the girls and who are the femulators in these videos . I am fairly certain that the singer in " All I Want for Christmas " is a femulator because her voice gives her away and I think all the leggy dancers in " A Drag Christmas " are femulators because they all seem a little too flat - chested and small - bottomed , but I could be wrong . In any case , enjoy the videos ! Reactions : 6 comments : Yankee magazine 's website has a beautifully photographed article titled " Getting to Know Provincetown , " which is the site of Fantasia Fair , the annual weeklong trans get - together on Cape Cod . The article , written by Mel Allen and photographed by Annie Graves , does not make a peep about Fantasia Fair or trans people , in general , but it does cover many of the venues that are so familiar to Fantasia Fair veterans . It also includes a recipe for Portuguese Kale Soup from Napi 's Restaurant in P - Town , where I have dined happily many times . Enjoy ! Reactions : No comments : ( This is first of a series of posts that describe my favorite things . It will appear here whenever I am so moved . ) I appreciate information that is well - researched . I also appreciate finding new information in my fields of interest . If that new information has been well - researched , then I am in nirvana ! I assume that is due to my love of history , especially accurate history , as well as my history major . So it is always a pleasure when Zagria posts something new at A Gender Variance Who 's Who . Zagria started her blog about a month after I started Femulate . And she posts something new about twice a week every week during the ensuing 247 weeks - - - usually about a trans person , who I never knew existed . Her trans biographies are well - researched . It amazes me where she finds this information . If you have not already visited Zagria 's website , I urge you to do so at least once . You will probably get hooked like I did and visit her site regularly thereafter . Reactions : 3 comments : Did I miss something ? Is Pippa Middleton trans ? I do not understand the media 's fascination with this plain looking woman . I figure that there must be a catch ; maybe she is a transwoman , which would explain all the attention she gets , as well as her mustache . ( Sorry about that - - - I was just expressing my catty side . ) Congressman Barney Frank announced that he is not running for re - election and that has generated conflicting blogs in the trans community . Rebecca Juro thanks the congressman , while Valerie Keefe puts him down . I noticed this past week that ABC began advertising its new situation comedy , Work It , which debuts in January . The show is about " two unrepentant guy 's guys who , unable to find work , dress as women to get jobs . " The snippets of the show that appear in the ads are as bad as you can imagine . Finally , Meg of Call Me Meg fame , was the first person to mention that she noticed the revised blog header ( above ) . Actually , Meg 's virtual kick to my dupa moved me to make the revision . Thanks , Girlfriend ! Mom had a miscarriage in 1950 . From about 1940 to 1970 , Diethylstilbestrol ( DES ) was given to pregnant women in the mistaken belief it would reduce the risk of pregnancy complications and losses . - from Wikipedia I was born in 1951 . Recent research on DES sons [ males who were prenatally exposed to DES ] has explored the hypothesis that the range of effects of prenatal exposure to DES in males might include behavioral or neurological change , and also intersexuality . Dr . Scott Kerlin of the DES Sons International Research Network has documented for the past 15 years " the high prevalence of individuals with confirmed or strongly suspected prenatal DES exposure who self - identify as male - to - female transsexual , transgender , and intersexed , and many individuals who have reported experiencing difficulties with gender dysphoria . Various neurological changes occur after prenatal exposure of embryonic males to DES and other estrogenic endocrine disrupters . Animals that exhibited these structural neurological changes were also shown to demonstrate various gender - related behavioral changes ( so called " feminisation of males " ) . Several published studies in the medical literature on psycho - neuro - endocrinology have examined the hypothesis that prenatal exposure to estrogens ( including DES ) may cause significant developmental impact on sexual differentiation of the brain , and on subsequent behavioral and gender identity development in exposed males and females . There is significant evidence linking prenatal hormonal influences on gender identity and transsexual development . - from Wikipedia I don 't know if Mom ever took DES . My parents and Mom 's doctor are deceased , so I can 't ask them . For your consideration : Prenatal Exposure to Diethylstilbestrol ( DES ) in Males and Gender - Related Disorders : Results from a 5 - Year Study Reactions : 17 comments : Yesterday , I wrote about my Wednesday morning out en femme . Today , I pick up where I left off , that is , going to Southern Connecticut State University to participate in Q & A in two Human Sexuality classes . Each class had approximately 35 students with a 10 - to - 1 female - to - male ratio . In addition to myself , three transsexuals , two male - to - female and one female - to - male , joined me in the Q & A . In the second class , a female - to - male transsexual , who is a student at the University , joined us . At the beginning of each class , we each presented a short ( 5 - minute or so ) biography . After the bios , Professor Schildroth usually sends half the class to another classroom and divides us speakers in a logical way so that half the class concentrates on , for example , the transitioned / transitioning transsexuals , while the other half concentrates on the non - transitioning transsexuals . Half way through the period , the speakers switch classrooms so that all the students get a chance to quiz all the speakers . Yesterday , a second classroom was not available , so all the students quizzed all the speakers simultaneously . Most of the questions were oriented at the transitioned / transitioning transsexuals , that is , all the other speakers except me . I was a little bored , but I did get asked one question that I was never asked before , that is , what is my nationality ? My answer was " Polish . " After the class , I asked the woman who asked that question why she asked . Her reason was that she was curious about my accent . I realized then that my " Polish " answer was not very helpful because I was born and raised 20 miles from New Haven , not 20 kilometers from Warsaw . During the first class , we were asked about aging and I mentioned that I was 60 years old . That revelation was met with gasps from a number of students , who I guess thought I was younger or older than 60 . After the class , about a half dozen students came up to me and gushed over the way I looked . One comment that stuck in my mind was " stunning . " Professor Schildroth informed us that the secondLinks to this post Yesterday , I planned to dress en femme , meet my friend Diana ( of Little Corner in the Nutmeg State fame ) at the Meriden ( CT ) mall , carpool to Southern Connecticut State University ( it was my turn to drive ) , participate in Q & A in two Human Sexuality classes , and optionally , dine after class . I wore my new houndstooth dress , nude pantyhose , black patent open toe slingbacks , black bag , and black sweater coat . A watch , ring and earrings were my only jewelry . It was so warm yesterday that I didn 't need the sweater coat until the evening . On my way to the mall , I passed a tractor trailer on the Interstate and the driver beeped ( I assume ) in appreciation of my leg show . Seated in the Subaru , my knee - length hem had migrated to mid - thigh . That was a first for me and I waved in appreciation after I passed . I arrived at the mall about an hour before I was supposed to meet Diana . She planed to get a new battery for her watch and since I had two watches with the same needs , I brought them along and visited the watch kiosk after entering the mall . The young man in the watch kiosk said to come back for the watches in 20 to 30 minutes , so I window - shopped in the meantime . First stop was Payless . I have bought a lot of shoes lately and really did not need another pair , but Payless had just sent me a 30 % off coupon , so I just had to visit their store . They had a nice selection in my size , but the only pair that demanded my attention were a pair of khaki peep toe " bootines . " I had my doubts that they would fit because they looked too small , but when I tried them on , they fit perfectly and were very comfortable to boot . ( The online reviews claim that the bootines are very comfortable and all - day - wearable . ) I bought the bootines and with my coupon , the $ 39 . 99 pair cost me $ 27 . 99 . I liked them so much that I wanted to wear them out of the store , but the saleswoman and I agreed that although they were very cute , the color did not go with my outfit . ( In retrospect , I should have bought a pair in black , too . ) Directly across the mall froReactions : 3 comments : Don 't get me wrong . I am not uncomfortable living my life en homme . I am a very easy - going and adaptable person and manage to get along in just about every situation in which I find myself . But my natural inclinations are on the " feminine " side . No doubt about that . The boys did not call me a " sissy " for nothing . Mom did not suggest that I should have been a girl for no reason . And I am so feminine that I never tried to " man up " and shake the " pansy " appellation . Fitting into society 's expectations of what a man should be was unattractive and completely foreign to me . So I followed my own life path . The fact that that path was considered feminine made little difference to me . I finally realized that what I feared was actually my reality . I was not the " plain vanilla crossdresser " that I purported to be for so many years . Instead , I really am trans ; I really am a woman who happens to have the body of a male . And it turned out that that was OK by me ; being trans was nothing to fear . Instead , I embraced the fact that I am trans because now it all makes sense to me . " Occupy Wall Street has exposed discontent with global economic inequalities and inspired conversations about oppression across the country and around the world . Hundreds of U . S cities now house occupations in public parks and plazas . Occupy the Hood has taken the conversation into neighborhoods and highlighted issues of racial minorities . People are now calling for an occupation of the classroom and university campuses to highlight inequalities in education . Perhaps in Washington , D . C . , residents need to occupy the Metro Police Department ( MPD ) to publicize the department 's bigoted policing policies toward the city 's transgender residents . " Despite the Halloween weekend blizzard , the weather in November has been unseasonably warm around here . We may break a record today with temperatures predicted to be in the mid - 60s . And the warm weather is supposed to stick around through Tuesday , so I may wear something that is more suitable for early autumn , rather than late autumn . USPS delivered the houndstooth dress I ordered from Ideeli . The dress fit like a glove ! I will probably wear it to the Avon representatives Christmas party next month . UPS delivered a new pair of shoes from ShoeDazzle . This pair replaces the pair I returned a few weeks ago ( they were too small ) . The new shoes fit like a sock ! But besides the feeling of sisterhood it provides the women with , and the mentoring she is able to give to many of the contestants , Samala also believes that for many competing in the pageant , there is great appeal in being able to live out a commonly shared childhood dream . " I think in early development in life , even when they are young boys , looking at the beauty pageants , [ thinking ] ' I wish I could be like that , I want to look that pretty . ' It 's always transgenders [ wanting ] to be the best they can be and to look the best , to be gorgeous . Our lives are built on getting ourselves beautiful . Because that 's the image that women give us and the beauty pageant is a really good platform for us . " Sunday at 4 AM , the phone rang . My mother - in - law had a stroke and dealing with that took up most of the day . It looks like she will recover fully , but who knew that at 4 AM . Publicly mourn and honor the lives of transgenders who might otherwise be forgotten . Express your love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred . Remind non - transgender people that we are their sons , daughters , parents , friends and lovers . Give our allies a chance to step forward with us and stand in vigil , memorializing those of us who 've died by anti - transgender violence . Reactions : 3 comments : fem · u · late ( fem ' ya - lat ' ) v . , To imitate , copy , or try to be like a female . The earth abides forever . - Ecclesiastes 1 : 4I am a woman who happens to have a male body , but I am not going to let that little handicap hinder me from being the best woman I can be . - StanaFeel like a woman . Wear a dress ! - Diane von FurstenbergFeel like a woman . Wear a bra ! - StanaMy skirt 's not too short - my legs are too long ! - StanaIf in doubt , overdress ! - StanaBoy by birth , woman by life . - StanaBetter femulate than never ! - StanaI dress like this because I just love being a man . - Faith DaBrookeI always wears high heels because flat shoes are for quitters . - Avery JessupNow that I am attractive to men there isn 't a man I want . - Candy DarlingFear to do ill , and you need fear nought else . - Benjamin FranklinAll life is an experiment . The more experiments you make the better . - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Thank you all so much for praying ! ! We really appreciate your love and support . I am sorry it has taken me this long to update everyone . I guess I just needed more time to process and get adjusted to our " new normal " . I did want to share Lilly 's journey and how she progressed to being a normal cute size to where we were 2 weeks ago . This is Lilly just before Christmas . I did notice some weight loss but just attributed it to a growth spurt . That , and in my sick way I was glad to have a thin child . Fast forward a month and you can see how dramatic the difference is . Notice Lilly 's neck and more pronounced facial features . This was at her birthday party the last weekend of January . I think maybe sometime in December or January I noticed Lilly drinking more and more water . I was happy that she loved water and didn 't think much of it . She also started urinating frequently and we couldn 't go anywhere that she didn 't have to use the bathroom several times before leaving . I thought maybe she just had too much to drink . Jenny thought maybe she had a bladder problem . The thing is , Lilly doesn 't complain , so I wouldn 't know that she was sick . Here Lilly is on her birthday , February 1st . It was a Monday . This was also Jackson 's first day of public school . After we dropped Jackson off at school , Lilly , Fisher , and I headed to McDonald 's for birthday breakfast . She didn 't eat the eggs I prepared for breakfast . Lilly started to feel puny at McDonald 's and didn 't really want to play on the playground . She also didn 't eat much of her pancakes . Fisher ate plenty , though , and played and got hot on the play area . We went to the restroom when we were getting ready to leave and Fisher spit up on himself . Once we got home , Lilly threw up while on the sofa . I cleaned her up and came upstairs to check my email . I heard her go to the bathroom and she vomited again . I rushed down there to check on her . I got Lilly to lay down after that and that is pretty much what she did the rest of the day . We got Jackson from school and Cory got home shortly afterward . I ran to the store to get the jelly for the meatballs Lilly requested for her birthday . Got home and made dinner . While I was gone Cory gave Lilly some cereal around 5 o ' clock . She wouldn 't touch her meatballs or anything else . She just layed on the couch and threw up again . Cory put her in the bathtub and when she got out she threw up three more times . I was wracking my brain wondering what was going on . I thought maybe it was something she ate , since Fisher spit up that morning . Oh yes , Jackson got pink eye Monday night , but I just gave him some of my drops . I did send him to school the next day since I was treating him . Tuesday I called the doctor to get Lilly in for a sick appointment even though she hadn 't thrown up since about 8pm the night before - Jackson also for his pink eye . Oh , let me say that the week before I called to make her 5 year well check . I mentioned to the lady making the appointment that I was concerned because she had lost a lot of weight and was drinking and peeing a lot , and she said she would make a note of my concerns . Okay , back to Tuesday . I called to make Lilly and Jackson sick appointments . The girl setting up my appointment said some snide comment about being " that mom " that sends her sick kid to school . Also , I mentioned to her about Lilly 's throwing up , which was the main reason I called . I also told her I was concerned about the weight loss , drinking , and peeing . I did tell her that we had a well appt . for the 10th . She said that I shouldn 't even mention my concerns to the doctor since we would be there next week anyway . Our appointment was for that same day and so I picked Jackson up from school and we set off for the doctor . Let me just interject here - I suck at picking doctors . The ob I used for Jackson let me go too long before having to have a c - section and he ended up in the NICU for a few days . She was evil in general , calling me fat and I was much smaller back then . Anyway . . . Get to the doctor 's office and in our room . I told the nurse about Lilly 's symptoms and that my husband was concerned that it might be diabetes . Then after a few minutes of waiting Lilly had to use the restroom . I asked the nurse if we would have time and she said yes , and to get Lilly to pee in a cup in case the doctor wanting to test her urine . Finally the doctor came in . I told him about Lilly 's throwing up and that Fisher did once . He said it was probably a bug , because they had treated about 15 children already . I also told him about the weight loss , drinking , and peeing and that my husband thought she might have diabetes . He did a double take , but didn 't do anything about it . He prescribed some anti - nausea medicine and said he would see Lilly the upcoming Friday instead of the tenth , and run some tests then if need be . I cannot say why he didn 't test her urine . I don 't remember if I mentioned it , but surely the nurse would have told him ? ? So we left and picked up her prescription on the way home . When we got home I made chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese . I should get Mother of the Year with that meal ! ! Lilly ate maybe 2 nuggets and slept on the couch on and off . She would not even play with Jackson . Here is Lilly on Tuesday , sleeping after the doctor 's appt . She mostly only got up to get water or potty . I took this photo to show Jenny how skinny Lilly 's arms had gotten . I remember telling my Mom and friends how she reminded me of a friend we watch pass away from cancer . Wow . . . this photo is hard to look at . This is Wednesday . Cory had to get off work early for me to go to an appointment and when I returned around 5 she got progressively worse . Lilly didn 't eat anything that day either . By about six , she was leaning against the wall to go to the bathroom . Her breathing got labored , and she started to seem to go in and out of it , and her eyes would roll into the back of her head . I decided to call Children 's Healthcare nurse hotline . I told the lady Lilly 's symptoms and she said to call 911 . This photo is while we were waiting on the ambulance . I called 911 again because we live near a hospital and I couldn 't figure out what was taking them so long . The lady on the line told me they don 't actually work out of our rinky dink hospital . Great . . . Anyway , they finally got here and took her to a hospital about thirty or so minutes away . Cory told me in the ambulance that her blood sugar was over 400 , that their meter only went to 400 . He also said that Lilly was going in and out of it and the EMS { ? } kept yelling at her . The got to the hospital and took her to the pediatric er . There her blood sugar was even higher , topping out their meter . They determined that Lilly needed to be life - lighted to a children 's hospital . The doctor did tell Cory that Lilly did have Type 1 Diabetes . They got to the hospital and finally my Mom got here so I could go be with them . I found out once I got there that Lilly 's blood sugar was over 900 and her ph levels were below 7 - some of the nurses had never seen levels that high . That is fatal . She had a severe case of DKA - Diabetes Ketoacidosis . You can google it . I know the only reason Lilly is alive and well today is all of your prayers and God . We are not " lucky " . Glory to God ! ! This is my baby around 1am when I got to the hospital - weighing all of 28 pounds . She was in the ICU thru Friday . She didn 't care for being there one bit . In fact , when we were put in a regular room in the diabetes ward , she said she couldn 't wait to go home so she wouldn 't be pricked anymore and she could eat what she wanted . My heart just broke for her . I told her that wouldn 't be the case . That is the hardest thing to do as a Mom , watch your child suffer and you can do nothing about it . The doctors have told us that we don 't need to change Lilly 's diet { somewhat relieving and alarming at the same time } . We just count her carbs and give insulin to counteract them . She is doing really well and doesn 't even cry when we give her shots . Of all my children , she really is the best one to have diabetes . Not that I want any of them to have anything wrong or less than perfect . We went to the endocrinologist today and Lilly now weighs 35 pounds and is eating us out of house and home . Where do we go from here ? ? How do I handle the negligence on the doctor 's end ? ? I 'm not sure , I am definitely not the sueing type , but the trip in the ambulance and helicopter could have been avoided had the doctor put a strip in Lilly 's cup of urine . So simple yet not done . * A lady from church whose daughter was also diagnosed at five years of age with Type 1 - she is now 13 . We met them Sunday after church and they had little gifties for Lilly and have offered to be there for a listening ear and baby sitting ! ! That will be a big help , though I am not good at taking help . Just knowing there is someone around is such a burden lifted . I thought we would be chained to Lilly forever . I know that sounds awful , but I didn 't want to not be able to have a life . Thank you all so much again for your prayers and support . I never in my life imagined that starting a blog would open up this world to me . A world with some of the sweetest , most generous , loving people . I really do appreciate all of you . Hello friends it 's Jenny checking in , I am on the phone with Elise right now and she is dictating this post : Lilly has been moved from ICU to a regular room on the diabetic ward . She is doing much better , coloring is great , able to stay awake for longer periods of time and EAT , she is even able to make mom and dad " jump " . . . She 's coming around indeed . . . Elise and Cory will be in classes all day tomorrow { Saturday and part of Sunday } learning how to care for Lilly at home and in everyday life . There is a chance Lilly might be able to come home Sunday evening . Thank you for Lifting Lilly in your prayers . . . Hey friends it 's Jenny again . . . . Lilly is doing much better and even staying awake for longer periods of time . . . She has a long way to go . . . But God is definitely answering prayers . . . Cory and Elise are so thankful for all of the support . . . Sweet MJ offered to make these WONDERFUL buttons for us to grab and use on our side bars . . . Please feel free to use them . . . I couldn 't decide { I loved them both } so you get two to choose from ! Thank You for your prayers ~ Jenny Good Morning this is Jenny , with an update from Elise . . . After being air - lifted to Scottish Rite Hospital Lilly was admitted into ICU with a blood sugar level of over 900 . Cory and Elise were informed that Lilly 's case of type 1 Diabetes is severe , through the night they were able to administer insulin intravenously , and as of 10 : 30 this morning Lilly 's blood sugar is at 143 . This is reason to praise , Lilly is regaining her coloring and Elise said her cheeks were getting their rosy glow back . Lilly will remain in ICU until all of her levels are stabilized , then be transferred to a regular room . . . * * Note from me , I would really like to be able to bless the family with special love , my mind is swirling with ideas , would anyone be interested in making a care package for them . I am thinking of small handmade items , children 's diabetic books , and cookbooks , etc . we can send their way . If you have any ideas or would like to help email me at jennygilley ( at ) hotmail ( dot ) comYou can also reach me at my blog . I will posting ideas and details as they come to me . Posted by My little girl just got taken by ambulance to the ER . She has lost a lot of weight lately and just Monday was throwing up a lot . Took her to the doctor Tuesday and they didn 't address the weight loss { she weighs 30 pounds - so does Fisher , who isn 't yet 2 } , drinking and peeing a lot , just made her an appointment for this Friday for her 5 year well check as well as possibly running tests . She hasn 't eaten since Monday and has gotten very lethargic and not super responsive in the past couple hours . Then she was leaning up against the wall to walk to the bathroom . The paramedics came and got her and Cory is riding with her to the hospital . I spoke with him a few minutes ago and so far her blood sugar is really high , diabetic high . This is somewhat what we were thinking since she 's lost so much weight , and yet drinking tons of water and pottying a lot . If y ' all would just pray for Lilly , the doctors seeing her , and us we would appreciate it . * * * Spoke with Cory , he said the paramedics pricked Lilly 's finger and used a little test meter thing and her blood sugar was over 400 . Also they got her oxygen levels up to 99 % . They were in the mid nineties . I 'll keep y ' all posted . * * * Update . . . Lilly 's blood sugar is over 500 . I am sure she will have / has type 1 diabetes . Read this article . Exactly like Lilly 's symptoms . If her stupid pediatrician had tested her the other day when I brought it up , we would not be here right this very moment . A day earlier , but a day earlier would have been better . * * * As of 9 : 40 , Lilly is still lethargic , they are going to be giving her insulin and air - lifting her to Scottish Rite , a children 's hospital . * * * Just spoke with Cory , Lilly is at Scottish Rite in ICU . She will probably be there for 3 days to a week and a half . On the way , in the plane , her blood sugar spiked to as high as 700 or more { the chopper 's meter topped out at 700 } . The insulin should stabilize Lilly and she will be on insulin and given an iv { which she wasn 't happy about } . So long as Lilly doesn 't try to pull the iv out and doesn 't freak Posted by This past Saturday we celebrated Lilly 's fifth birthday with her closest friends . We had decided on a theme once I saw Crystal 's post that y ' all may remember me posting about here . This was a fun one ! ! Oh , if you want to make your own dolls , you can find the tutorial here . Here are the dolls the girls made . I tried to make the dolls look like the girl who was making them . I thought they turned out so cute and the girls had fun with them , too ! ! Here is Lilly { in the purple shirt } with her friends . " I 'm not listening . " : ) These photos are not in party order , of course . Makin ' wishes , blowing out candles . . . This was while the girls were eating . Not the best picture , but this is the banner I made from old hankies . I was pleased with how it came out . We will hang it above Lilly 's bed once it comes down . The table all decorated { simply - let go of a lot of plans and ideas } . I ran out of time , otherwise , I would have written birthday wishes to Lilly on the chalkboard . For the drinks , we had pink lemonade and hot tea . I decided not to use disposable dishes for this party . Here is the food all ready to be eaten . We had pink cloud , cheese , fruit , pbj pockets , and chicken salad on croissants . Fun , girly , tea party food ! ! The fruit was served up in my cute sherbet glasses . Chicken salad and pbj pockets . Oh , and the wonders of photoshop and friends named Jenny . But we 'll go there another day ! ! ; ) I loved this party and I know Lilly and her friends had fun ! ! Oh , one honorable mention . . . I could NOT have pulled this off with out the help of my WONDERFUL , AWESOME neighbor , Brittny . She sensed the panic in my voice when I called to borrow a glue gun { because I couldn 't find mine - story of my life . . . } and came over to help . So thank you , Brittny sooo much ! ! Amy , Amy , and Michelle deserve some props , too . I have wonderful friends ! ! After some prayer and lots of tears { on my end } , we decided to enroll Jackson in the local public school . Jackson has a sweet teacher and already has a " best friend " with whom he chased girls on the playground with . Oh dear . . . His first day also coincided with Lilly 's fifth birthday { yesterday } . She was sick all day and he came home with pink eye . Anyway , we celebrated Lilly 's birthday this weekend with her friends and I 'll share all those fun details later . Posted by I am a stay - at - home mom to four sweet kiddies . Wife to one awesome guy . Christian who doesn 't deserve all that I have been blessed with . Love the simplicity of bygone eras but appreciate the modern luxuries of today .
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All right . So yesterday you read all about my clumsiness when it comes to giving high fives . My ankle is getting better . Now it only hurts when walking on rough terrain , walking up / down stairs , or running ( we all know how much I love to run so I 'm not too upset about that one ) . Now its time to talk about the real injury . My delicate elbow that I bend all the time to take beautiful pictures . Okay , this may be a bit of an exaggeration . I was sitting in the office when the radio next to me starts going off . The guide on the other end was calling for a photographer on the last line . ASAP ! ! So I grabbed the camera and quickly walked out the door . Since my ankle sends shooting pains up my leg when I run , I quickly walked out the door and started heading to the last line . A different guide was on his way out toward the tent . He was taking back the little red wagon they use to carry helmets and trolleys back and forth . But the wagon was now empty . He saw me walking towards him and offered to give me a lift to the last line . Since I am a child at heart , I leaped into the wagon and let him drag me to the tent . I was enjoying just sitting back a relaxing as a cool breeze ran through my hair ( that 's a lie , it was extremely humid and no wind ) . We got to the tent and he lifts the front tires of the wagon in order to get over the bump to enter the tent . Unfortunately , I was sitting at the back of the wagon with my legs at the front . So needless to say , the wagon was a little back heavy . Before I knew it , that wagon was falling over and I slammed into the ground . Yet another embarrassing accident to happen to me . And in such a short amount of time . I laid their awhile with my feet in the air just laughing at how stupid I must look . The guide who was pulling me also was dying with laughter . He couldn 't believe what had just happened . When I was finally able to get up , I punched him in the stomach and he doubled over in pain . Okay that was another exaggeration . I don 't think he even noticed me punching him because he was tComment Can I Get Workman 's Comp For This ? There aren 't too many accidents that happen here at Foxfire Mountain . Let 's face it , safety is our number one priority . But nobody 's perfect and sometimes minor accidents do happen . Most of them are caused / happen to me . It 's almost as if I 'm accident prone ( I prefer the term clumsy but that 's just me ) . But I had two happen recently back to back . The first situation , I like to blame on kharma . Since some of the guys find amusement in making my life more difficult with their sarcastic comments , I tend to fight back with even more teasing ( plus picture - taking ) . One guide who shall remain nameless loves to comment about my size and in fact will pick me up , throw me over his shoulder , and lock me out of the office . So I decided to just make fun of him the whole day . If he said something wrong , I would make a comment . If his flip wasn 't done properly , I would show the video to everyone in the office ( and make more comments ) . Well , I was taking pictures of the group he was taking out . He decided to try to impress his current group by showing how he could give me a high - five . Now let 's face . I 'm not a tall person . I 'm not even an average height person . So to be able to give me a high - five is pretty impressive and can only be done if I jump as high as I can . I raised my arms up high to demonstrate how unlikely it would be for him to give me a high - five and stood on top of an old stump to give me a few more inches . " Be careful you don 't hit me with both hands , " he told me . " I might knock you over " . " Psshhh . There 's no way you can knock me over , " I responded . I had given high fives plenty of times before and have never encountered an issue with getting knocked over . The guide took off the platform , flipped upside down , and extended his arms toward me . I timed him up and jumped as high as I could . Our hands collided into an exploding high - five ( okay it might not have been that epic ) . It was forceful enough to knock me back just a few inches . I landed on the stump . Well , half landed on the stump . And since just one foot landed on the stump the other was suspended in the air . It caught me by surprised and made me roll my ankle . Thus falling off the stump that is only a few inches high and landing on my butt in a very unladylike way . Plus , I let out a squeak like a little girl . My ankle was throbbing , but I managed to stand up and brush the dirt off my backside . I starting laughing , letting the group above me know I was alright and it was okay for them to laugh at me also . I think it might have helped a few of the people get over their fear of heights long enough to zip down the line ( at least that is what I am going to tell myself to feel better about it ) . If you have been keeping up to date on all the blogs , then you know all about my hatred of chickens . I don 't know what it is about them . Maybe it 's the way their heads move back and forth when they walk . Or perhaps its the way their eyes bead into mine . Or it could even be those annoying clucking sounds that they make . Whatever the reason , I just do not like chickens . In fact , I make the comment on a regular basis about eating chickens just to spite them . After writing a blog about chickens , tragedy struck . The little chickens started to disappear . We would show up in the morning to a pile of feathers . We weren 't sure what was attacking the chickens , but I felt that it was partly my fault . Somewhere out there someone ( or something ) had read my blog and decided to help me out . Okay , I exaggerated that last part a bit . We started out with what seemed like twenty chickens and are now down to three . There was one rough - looking chicken that managed to survive the attacks . But he was missing half of his feathers . So we decided to name him Zombie Chicken . A few weeks ago an unknown chicken corpse was found on the property . The guides spotted and soon rumors ran wild about the demise of Zombie Chicken . " How could this be ? " , I thought to myself . " Zombie Chicken was just chasing me around . He can 't be dead . " Everyone was greatly upset . They mourned his passing with vigor ( basically just writing it on the memo board ) . And suddenly I heard a familiar cluck . I turned around and there was Zombie Chicken . Glaring at me as usual . " He 's Alive ! ! ! " A Foxfire Mountain t - shirt ( picture below ) . All photos must be posted on our Facebook page before July 31st in order to enter the contest . You cannot post any pictures that you purchased at Foxfire Mountain . All pictures must be family friendly . They don 't necessarily have to be of one zip lining ( since there is more to Foxfire than zip lines ) . If you have a picture of you with one of the dogs , or on a Safari Tour , or petting a llama , or anything else that happened while on the property you are able to enter the contest . After July 31st , our photography team will sit down and examine all the photos and decide on a winner . And as mentioned earlier , the winner will get a lovely Foxfire Mountain t - shirt like the one shown below . Let me just say one thing . It is wonderful having a gourmet chef as part of the office staff . Today Charles decided to give us all here at Foxfire Mountain a special treat on his day off . He made us lunch . To start he made some Gazpacho ( which I will always have difficult saying ) . Gazpacho is a cold tomato based vegetable soup . And it has a little kick to it also . So of course I had a cup full of that . Then there was Panzanella , a tossed bread salad . Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely love bread , so I had a couple servings of that . Afterwards he brought out Rotini with seasonal vegetables in a lemon caper white wine sauce . By this time I am starting to get a little full . But I managed to make room for some Kebabs a la Charles . I probably could of eaten that all day . And then as a desert , ( and with help from Holly ) there was Henrytown Shakes . Needless to say , I am very happily full right now . And all I can seem to think is when is Charles going to cook for us again ? It sure bets anything that I could make . Sorry for bragging about all the yummy food we had here today . Maybe if you decide to come to Foxfire Mountain , you can bribe Charles into giving you some recipes ( or at least letting you know all the good restaurants in the area ) . And thank you very much Charles and Holly for making a wonderful lunch for the staff here . I know that I enjoyed it . This past weekend , I witnessed one of the most original proposals that I have ever seen or heard of . It wasn 't on the beach after a third year anniversary . Or a picnic in the park . Or even at a baseball game in front of thousands of people . Instead , it took place on the zip lines at Foxfire Mountain . Last year at this time Jamie and Shawnna came to Foxfire Mountian to zip line . They enjoyed it so much that they decided to come back one year later . This time Jamie had a very special question to ask Shawnna . And with a help from a few of the guides he was able to do just that . They rode the first three lines with no problems whatsoever . But once the group got to the " big kid lines " there was a little hitch . When Shawnna was zipping she wasn 't " breaking properly " ( at least that is what the guides made it seem like ) . She bounced off the platform and started zipping back to the middle of the line . Now usually a guide would connect to a speed trolley and then go out to pull them back in . This time the guide connected Jamie to a roped and slowly lowered him to the middle of the line . Then when they met in the middle Jamie popped the question . Shawnna had two options in this scenario . She could say yes and get pulled back to safety or she could say no and Jamie would pull the knife out of his pocket and cut her lanyard and fall to death ( joking of course ) . Obviously she said yes . The guide ( Juicy J ) pulled the two back onto the platform where they announced the happy news and everyone applauded . Luckily me and a couple of other nosy observers were there to witness ( and document ) the whole thing . If you were to grow up in my family , you would know that teasing is just a part of life . There was never a day when my family wasn 't getting on my case about something . So after a few years I learned to not really care and just laugh along . When I got older I even started to crack a few jokes of my own , but being the baby of the family it didn 't happen too often . Well , working at Foxfire Mountain is a lot like being back home . Lots of teasing . Everyone always seems to be picking on me about something . At first it was minor things like living in the woods like some sort of wild bear . Or if I am too slow running up and down the ramp then I 'm an old lady ( or a slacker ) . But , there is just one guide that teases me so much that I decided to pay him back by writing about him on the blog ( ha ha , Randy ! ) . This giant has such a dry sense of humor that sometimes I wonder if people get that he is joking . One of his favorite jokes is on the last line . He tells people to take off their helmets and put it in the little red wagon , then they can put their other helmet back on . Sometimes when he rides down the lines he is able to pull off entire tree branches which he throws ( he says hands ) in my direction when I 'm taking pictures . But I guess I should be nicer to him because according to him he was just giving me flowers . When I ask him to smile for pictures he frowns . So I tell everyone to frown in order to match him . Then he finally decides to smile . I just can 't win ! So if you happen to come out to Foxfire Mountain and you get an extremely sarcastic guide . Don 't take anything he says personally . It 's all just a bunch of jokes to make his day go by a little faster . And you can come talk to me after the tour and we can just make fun of him the whole time . Sound good ? Saturday . For most people Saturday is the first official day of the weekend . A day of rest and relaxation . So why shouldn 't the workers at Foxfire Mountain get to enjoy their Saturday also ? That 's why I have decided that every Saturday , there will be one random song to come over the loudspeaker and during this one song we will throw a random dance party . It 's nothing special . No glow sticks . No flashing lights . Just random bursts of movement to organized beats . The first time this happened , it was a complete accident . I was playing some new bluegrass music that we were going to put on the iPod . When a couple of the guides heard the new beats they started breaking out in dance moves left and right . I 've never seen such enthusiasm while doing the hambone knee slap ( at least that is what I think it is called ) . Then a few hours later the owner came in and started joining the guides in some dances . It was quite entertaining . In order to be a guide at Foxfire Mountain , you need to go through many days of training in order to become ACCT certified . On a cold rainy day a few months back when things were slower , they decided to have me join some of the guides for a training day . I learned how to hook and unhook onto the lines , the proper way to harness , recovery methods , and what to do for emergencies . Foxfire Mountain will pretty much zip people all the time , rain or shine . But there are some situations where it just isn 't safe to be out on the lines . Conditions with extreme winds or lightning can cause us to reschedule tours . But being in the mountains , weather can be a little unpredictable . It could be bright and shiny one second and storming the next . And for situations like that , a guide needs to know how to get everyone off the platform safely and quickly . And the fastest way is to repel down . For the training everyone took turns lowering and being lowered off the platform . I 've always been very hesitant toward heights so when they told me i had to fall backward off the ramp while Krista was supporting my weight I was more than a little nervous . My boss tried to calm me down by standing below me in case I were to fall . Luckily nothing like that happened and I made it to the ground safely . Then my stomach lurched as I realized it was my turn to lower down the next guide ( who was almost twice my size ) . The thought of dropping him was more nerve - wracking then being lowered myself . I got him all hooked in and he was at the end of the platform . Now came the hard part . I told him to slowly fall backwards . And he did and he started to take me with him . That is until I got better footing . Suddenly I was supporting all his weight and I slowly lowered him to the ground . It was great . He might not of thought so , but it was . I did it and no one died . I use to consider myself a morning person . That is until recently . I just want to lie around and sleep all day and maybe someday I will . But due to my recent sleeping habits , I haven 't been acting as bright as I use to . Let 's face it . I might as well be blond now ( which is not a good look for me ) . It doesn 't help that I can 't hear mumblers and will just stare at them blankly . The guides seem to have notice my " slowness " and have started to tease me . Well , it 's payback time . After taking thousands and thousands of pictures at Foxfire Mountain , I realized that my greatest weapon was in my hand . The camera . I would just snap a picture at a few key moments and suddenly I wasn 't the only person looking stupid . So the next time you feel a little foolish out there , just stop by the blog and laugh at the pictures posted below .
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by E E : Oh , Good Wife . I want to gather you into a big warm hug . You 're back , you 're back ! It 's been so long . But please . You 're not going to break my heart again , are you ? He sets down his suitcase , and then his duffel and a paper shopping bag , and peers quizzically around the room . He takes in gruesome crime scene photos , as well as cute shots of Zach and Grace on Alicia 's laptop , and then sits down at his sister 's desk , straightening his back like a good little boy , an excellent imitation of how his proper older sister might sit . You can just imagine how it would make her laugh if she 'd see it . She doesn 't get to see it , however , because ( fitful child that he is ) he can 't hold the pose long enough . He puts his feet up with a law text - the better to figure out what Alicia 's highlighting - but a phone call breaks the spell . What should he do ? Should he answer it ? Of course he should . A very puzzled Diane asks for Alicia to call her back ; as she explains to Julius , they need Eli 's business enough to risk Alicia telling Will . Ah , so we 're back to this , are we ? I 'm with Julius . Telling Alicia is a risky , risky move . Her natural instinct will be to warn Will , so why even bother ? There 's no way she 's coming with you . Will sticks his head through a doorway , which thankfully turns out not to be Diane 's . " Alicia 's not here , " Owen informs him , completely blaze . Ah , that 's Owen for you . Will can see that she 's not there . " And you are … " " Alicia 's brother Owen , " Owen introduces himself ( with a little contempt in his tone , as if this should be obvious . ) " Oh ! " exclaims Will , and he really does exclaim it . It 's cute - his tone brightens right up , and he becomes not only warmer , but also clearly desirous of Owen 's good opinion ; he 's a bit like the college kid meeting the family of the girl he loves . They shake hands . " I didn 't know you were … I 'm Will . Her … boss . " " Her boss ? Impressive . " declares Owen , which is interesting , because - well , because I doubt the verity of pretty much everything Owen says . He 's just not that straightforward . " I try not to flash it around , " says Will , who does no such thing . I 'm in love with this conversation . Owen finds it all hilarious . " How 's my sis doing as a lawyer ? , " he wonders . " Good , " replies Will . " Great , really . " Owen scrunches up his face . " Don 't tell her that - she works best when she 's worried she 's not living up to other people 's expectations . " Will 's tickled . He 'll remember that . It 's not a bad insight , actually , even if it isn 't the complete story . Alicia walks down the stairs with a handsome model / assistant / associate , but freezes as she promises him some new information , because she can see through the glass walls that Owen and Will are chortling together in her office . She half runs across the floor . " I brought you a present from Botswana , " Owen smiles at her , holding out the paper shopping bag . Alicia 's stunned ; she wasn 't expecting him for another two weeks . " We 've been getting better acquainted , " Will smiles . " Okay , " responds Alicia , twitching from all the good feeling , " so that makes me nervous . " It 's so cute . Will 's going to leave the two to talk , but first he 's got a mission for Alicia . Remember Murphy Gomez , the oft discussed mystery case that 's taken up so much of their resources ? Well , Murphy 's son was just picked up on a drug charge - prescription stimulants , " apparently quite the thing during finals week . " He 's got no priors . Could Alicia run over and sort him out ? It 's a 1410 at worst . Of course she will , Will . She 'll take care of it for you , don 't you fret . Will favors Owen with a firm handshake and some manly puppy dog eye contact ; Owen pretends he doesn 't know Will 's last name . Alicia 's lips crimp into a smile ; she 's amused , but she knows Owen 's messing around , so the look she gives him is a challenging one . " That 's a familiar name , " Owen drawls , staring right back at her . Oooh , interesting . Just what does Owen know or remember about Will ? Drat her , Alicia changes the subject . Why is he back so early ? " I thought you were supposed to be on vacation . " Owen sighs , and speeds through an explanation . " Okay , I broke up with Kevin . Its not a big deal , and I didn 't want big harangue about it … " " Aw , Owen , I thought Kevin was the keeper , " Alicia interrupts him . Owen sits back down . " He was . He 's not anymore . " Well , I guess that 's how that works . What happened , Alicia wonders . " He cheated on me , " Owen explains , and Alicia 's stunned . " When - on vacation ? " Little bro doesn 't want to get into it . Hmm . " I 'm just going to live alone , like an aging writer with dogs . Open your present , " he finishes , handing her the paper bag . I can 't help but think of Bridget Jones , being eaten by Alsatians . As Alicia opens the bag , they establish that Owen will be hiding from Kevin by camping out on Alicia 's couch . And what 's the present ? Well , Owen has been in Botswana , remember . It 's a wig , an enormous beaded wig with large fluffy bangs , which African women allegedly wear while they 're working . Working at what , I wonder ? It hardly seems practical . It looks quite heavy and elaborate , a sort of African version of Marie Antoinette 's head gear . Perhaps it 's what wily locals tell tourists they wear , just to make a sale . ( Of course , being me , I tried to verify the authenticity of this , but without success - tell me if you have better luck ! ) " Put it on ! " Owen says gleefully . " How thoughtful , " Alicia lies with her eyebrows knit down . Her phone rings , and it 's of course Kalinda , who 's located Jonathan Murphy , 22 . " They won 't agree to a 1410 until he i . d . s the dealer . " Alicia 's concerned . " What , why ? " Kalinda shrugs it off . " It 's a slow Friday , they 're being hard asses . " Alicia heads off to the station at the corner of Drexel and 60th . She tosses Owen her keys . " Don 't pick a fight with Peter . I 'm only an hour behind you . " Owen sounds impressed . " Look at you , going off to war . " She smiles . " Don 't forget your headdress ! " Oddly enough , she does forget it . The next thing we see is a two hands clasped around a third . " Two ? " Alicia wonders as she and Kalinda watch a pair of young lovers through a glass wall . His girlfriend of six months Alexis Symanski ( though it 's pronounced more like Zumenski ) , Kalinda says , explaining the obvious . The pair holds their heads together , anguished . Alexis ( blond , thin , clad in a jean jacket ) has no lawyer and she can 't afford one either . She 's the one rubbing Jonathan 's hand . Kalinda asks the passing detective what the hold up is ; turns out he can 't wipe his nose , he growls , without ASA involvement . " We 'll be okay , " the boy says , his arms around the girl . He 's very preppy ( brown bomber jacket , button down under a thin sweater ) and kind of Zac Efron - pretty boy like . " It doesn 't work that way , " she cries . " Yes it can , " he tells her reassuringly , " and since when did I become the optimist ? " Despite his confidence potentially coming from his family 's riches , he seems quite likable . Alicia apologizes for interrupting their moment , and introduces herself as one of his father 's lawyers . Jon , as he likes to be called , responds pleasantly . Alexis turns her face to Alicia , and we see that it 's 27 year old LeeLee Sobieski playing the role of the impoverished college senior . " I can also process this for you if you like , " Alicia tells her . She likes . Alicia asks them for their story , and the conflicting tales begin . They were both picked up for having prescription drugs , which they were intending for private use , Alicia begins . No , says Alexis , it was me , I needed the extra boost , I work two jobs and I 'm studying for finals . No , says John calmly , she doesn 't take drugs , it was me . I was the one who suggested it . Alicia smiles at this behavior , clearly finding it a little cute and romantic . " Okay , what you did there , it was fine for me , " she tells them sweetly , maternally , " but don 't do that in front of the police . " " Okay , " breathes Alexis , who is clearly terrified . Jon has a firm hold on his own panic ; he 's only thinking of Alexis . Alicia explains that the ASA will offer the aforementioned 1410 option ; they get probation , the case is still open , but they don 't serve any time . Will he have a record , Alexis asks ? We both want to be lawyers , Jon adds . We can 't have records . Well then . Should have thought of that first , guys . And with that , Alicia heads out to chat with the ASA . Who might that be ? Well may you ask . " Don 't worry , I 'm not here to make your life hard , I just need an i . d . " he says . " Are there any other ASAs in the entire State 's Attorneys office , or are you the only one ? " Cary grins . " I 'm the only one assigned to Lockhart / Gardner cases . " Well . It 's nice we 're being honest about something . Kalinda walks up ; she and Cary share - I can 't quite define them , but they 're really conscious looks . Cary will let the kids do " drug school " ( a lesser alternative to the 1410 which won 't leave a record ) if they i . d . his dealers . " Why ? " Kalinda wonders . " Why can I agree to that - do you want me not to agree to that ? " " I want you tell me what 's up . " " Well , " Cary elucidates , " we think this dealer killed a pharmacist during a burglary last night and we think these kids can help us catch him - or her . " The drug dealer just might be one of Lemond Bishop 's crew , and that makes Alicia nervous for Jon and Alexis 's safety . " Make the deal , " Will tells them over the phone . " Cary can make their lives miserable , charge them with possession . " He 's walking down an outdoor corridor of stone arches , the likes of which you might find at Hogwarts or your basic cathedral . " Bishop won 't touch Murphy 's son . " But there 's the girlfriend , Alicia reminds us . " And she 's our problem why ? " Will wonders . Well , they come as a package . " Have Kalinda look into their anti - gang protections and make the deal . " Will walks into a courtyard where Tammy , in a long shiny black trench , is resting against a slick sports car surrounded by basketballs . There are lights , and people milling around , and what might even be a fog machine ; Will has stepped into a photoshoot . " Will Gardner , lawyer extraordinaire ! " Tammy greets him . She shoves him playfully . " So , can I kiss you here , or is that unprofessional ? " he wonders , and she grabs him by his new tie and lays one on him by way of an answer . " So are you ready ? " She asks . " I was born ready , " he tells her with swagger . " Thank you for setting all this up . " All what , exactly ? She calls over a guy named Rodney , who refuses to shake Will 's hand because he 's a lawyer . Tammy seems to think this is a funny joke . " Derek Rose already has an agent , a manager , 3 lawyers and me - why does he need a fourth lawyer ? " Ah . So that 's why he 's there - to pitch some sort of basketball star as a client . Career longevity , insists Will ; Lockhart / Gardner can take Rose through books , movies , whatever his plans after basketball are . Okay , fine , whatever . Don 't know why his three other lawyers couldn 't do that , but okay . Rodney will put the question to Derek . Also , Derek hits on Tammy through Rodney . That 's a slightly funnier joke . Will watches Derek walk away . Looking to get his attention back , Tammy grabs Will 's lapels . " I wanna get your pants off , " she says . Wow . Definitely no worries about looking professional there . As Owen fumbles to set Alicia 's key in her front door lock , Jackie forestalls him and opens the door . " Oh , " she says . " Yep . Oh . " agrees Owen , his head nestled in so many layers of scarf it appears to be floating , Cheshire - cat style . Hee . " It 's me . " " Alicia 's not here , " Jackie says , not letting him pass the threshold . Damn , but the woman is rude . " Yeah , I have her keys , " Owen points out . " I 'm here to stay the night . Note the suitcases . " She regards him , defeated . " Well then . You better come in . " He blows out a breath . " Fun times , " he mutters , shutting the door behind him . " Him , " Alexis says , pointing to the second of four line up photos . " He looked different , though , without the sideburns , " Jon adds . Alicia takes notes feverishly . That 's helpful , Cary tells them , and asked if they saw him on that particular corner around 11 the previous night . " No , " they say . " So you two weren 't near that corner ? " Alicia 's not quite paying attention yet . " No . " Jon explains - it 's not that he wasn 't there , but we weren 't there to see him . Now Alicia 's spidey senses are tingling . " You were … where ? Where were you too ? " The library , claims a terrified looking Alexis . " Both of you ? " Yes . Why ? " No reason , " Cary claims . Oh please . Cary doesn 't sneeze without a reason . He laughs , and asks them to stick around for - perhaps - a line up . When he makes for the door , Alicia follows him . Knowing better than to ask him for information , she heads outside to call Kalinda . I was just trying to reach you , Kalinda greets her . " Something 's wrong here , " Alicia tells the investigator , but of course she already knows . It turns out there 's no effort to set up anti - gang protections for Alexis . " It 's all a scam to get our clients talking . " Alicia rushes back in to stop their talking . Cary takes this moment to announce his intention to try them both for the murder of the pharmacist . Tammy lays on her stomach on a pretty , upscale bed in a brightly lit room , avidly watching a TV . Will 's leaning on the headboard , messing with his ipad . " How long have you known Derek Rose , " he wonders . Ah , you 're jealous , she says , how charming . " I have a better average from the free throw line , " he insists , neither of them looking up from their screen of choice . He 's cute . Now she turns . She thinks it 's funny . We see a snowboarder performing an aerial trick when she turns and the TV 's shown in the background . She 's got on a maroon tank and some sort of incredibly voluminous blue skirt . " You know , if it were between you and Derek Rose … " she cuddles up to say . " Derek Rose , " he guesses , looking up briefly from the ipad . " Yeah . Sorry . " She wrinkles her nose cutely . " A girl has to keep up her standards . " He 's still entranced by his computer . " But you and me , we 're having fun , right ? " Hmm , why so serious , Tammy ? " I 'm having fun , " Will insists , " are you ? " " That 's why I 'm still here , " she purrs . His eyes narrow a little in understanding . He leans over to grab the phone . " Derek would have no problem with that , " she teases . He snorts . " They 're being accused of murder , " Alicia tells him without preamble , and explains about the pharmacist who surprised burglars and was shot . The drugs in their rooms have been traced to that pharmacy . Will swings his legs out from under the covers . Kalinda 's on it , but Alicia needs back up ; she 's alarmed by how quickly it 's all going and knows she needs to make the right moves now . Will 's on his way . " You 're on your way , " Tammy repeats with mock sadness . Will promises he wouldn 't leave for anyone who wasn 't really important . ( Hmm . Isn 't it the charge more than the client that requires his immediate attention ? Also , it 's the middle of the day . A work day . Is he really apologizing for having to work ? ) " I think I 'll give Derek a call . " Nice , Tammy . Also , nice to the be the boss , and be able to take long - er - lunches . Julius and Diane are touring an office space - one of those enormous white rooms , filled with tapered columns and flooded with light , that might be a trendy spot to host a wedding reception . Diane finishes a phone call , promising their immediate attendance . " Have you asked her yet , " Julius wonders , misinterpreting the purpose of the call . No , she tells him - it 's about Murphy Gomez . ( Well , kinda , Diane - but that sets up how you 're going to play it . ) " Murphy 's son is being accused of murder . " Julius is shocked , but he recovers quickly . " Murphy Gomez would mean a lot if he came with us . " Diane nods , and stalks off . " We 'll be in touch , " Julius tells the real estate agent . Better be quick , says the agent , it 'll go fast . " In this market , " Julius shoots him down , " I doubt it . " Back at the police station , Alexis and Jon are being hustled - literally dragged - into separate interrogation rooms . " It 'll be fine , " he says again with blind optimism - or a blind need to be manly and calm her down - that 's sweet and sad and pretty deluded . Maybe he 's just trusting to the truth ? These two are really unlikely killers . Although , they 're awfully freaked out for innocent people . Or is the innocent ones who freak out ? The young and innocent ones , maybe . " I love you , " Alexis cries , desperate , terrified . " I love you too ! " Jon answers . The doors slam on their frightened faces . Alicia exhales ; you feel like she stopped breathings as she watched . She turns in time to see Will striding toward Cary . " I 'm just holding them , I haven 't charged them with anything . " So charge them or let them go , Will says , but Cary says it 's a no go when they 're looking at murder one ( murder committed during a felony ) . Your evidence is weak and circumstantial , Will scoffs . The pills in Alexis 's room were still in boxes from the pharmacy , Cary says . Hmph . Well , that 's something , certainly , but it 's still not anywhere near conclusive . Well , that only connects her , not him , says Will , but the search of her room lead to a search of his . Why was her room searched again ? Julius and Diane arrive . " Searched ? " Diane wonders , sneaking up on Cary . " Did the police have a search warrant ? " " Hey , it 's a reunion , " Cary enthuses . Turns out it was the campus police , who do not need a search warrant . Interesting . " Yeah , that 's right , get Kalinda on it , " he snarks . Oh , like Kalinda couldn 't blast holes in your case , Cary ? Come on , Cary , says Alicia - didn 't the kids i . d . Bishop 's men as the drug dealers ? Well , that 'd be helpful if the photos he 'd shown them weren 't all of Bishop 's dead dealers . Yes , that 's right , a total set up . " Nice sleight of hand , Cary , " Will shakes his head . " Hey , I learned from the best , " Cary deflects the praise . And then he sets up the device around which the rest of the episode will revolve ; one of the two clients - these college kids , these lovers - can plead out to burglary , as long as that one 's willing to flip on the other . Otherwise , they both get charged with murder . " So who wants to get out for their 22nd birthday ? And who wants to get out for their 48th ? " With that cheery thought , he leaves them . The team closes in together . " We play this out , " Will says , and so draw Cary out , find out what he 's got on them . " We don 't say a word . The right to remain silent doesn 't mean the right to not listen . " Hmm . That 's an awkward phrase . He sends Kalinda off to see what she can see ; Diane direct Julius to call in Blake . " We need to keep her on the reservation , " Will notes astutely . Cary 's determined to to have the two kids racing to flip ; working together , we prevent that . Diane and Julius will cover Alexis ; Will and Alicia will take Jon . " If we both remain silent , he has to make a case - and he doesn 't have one . " He couldn 't be more right . " And Murphy 's son , " Diane asks , " what if he 's the trigger man ? " Will looks around . " I think you know who we need to protect here . " Diane receives the message , but Alicia 's visibly horrified . " Is Alexis all right ? " Jon asks Alicia , who responds in the affirmative . " We 're going to represent both of you . " Jon 's gratitude overwhelms him . " Look , Jon , " Will begins . " Your first instinct here will be to lie to us . Your second instinct will be to lie to us , too . So we need your third instinct . " He leans forward , hands clasped on the table . " We 're not your confessors . " " We 're not hear to judge , " Diane tells a stricken Alexis . " We 're your lawyers . We just need the truth in order to know how to act . " Diane 's preaching to Alexis 's back . " So what happened ? " " Nothing , " Alexis says , waving her hands . " It was stupid . We heard about a place where you could go get something to stay awake . " She looks like someone who can 't figure out how it 's all gone so wrong . " So we went . For finals . A lot of kids were doing it . " Diane considers . Doesn 't make a lot of sense . Is she saying they went to the pharmacy , or someplace else ? " He 's lying , " Will says decisively back out in the office . " I don 't know why . I don 't think they did it . Maybe he 's protecting her . " " Or she 's protecting him , " Diane counters . " They 're going to protect each other right into prison , " Julius sums up . Yep , Julius , that is the deal . Owen and Jackie sit at the island in the Florrick 's kitchen . They do not speak . After several uncomfortable beats , Jackie puts down her wine glass . " So how do you know you 're gay ? " Owen considers the startling question . " You mean before or after I fellated my first guy ? " Jackie takes a swig of her wine . " I hate that word . " " Fine , " says Owen , " before or after I fellated my first man . " Jackie sets down her glass , stares at it . " You don 't have to answer if you don 't want . " Huh . She peeks over at him . She seems oddly vulnerable , and really , the invitation to talk about himself is irresistible . " I knew from a very young age . High school . " Huh . Is that young to know ? " So you think you were born gay ? " Jackie 's still staring at her wine glass . Owen practically stutters over his answer . " Do I think I was born gay ? Yes I do think . " " I don 't understand , " Jackie begins , and you know , I 've actually heard other people make this argument as well ( though never to the face of a gay person ) , " why it 's so important to say people were born gay . If it 's so good , people should be allowed to choose it . It wouldn 't be forced on them , they should just prefer it . " For once , Owen is just talking , without posturing , and it 's so fascinating to see these two people having this particular conversation . " But it isn 't about should , it 's about biology . " Now it 's Jackie who 's stuttering . " Well , I don 't think it is . I think people want to think it is . " Owen nods , recovering his snarky tone . " Okay , my turn . Why do so many old people read Reader 's Digest ? " " The big type , " Jackie answers without flinching . " Isn 't this fun ? We 're sharing deep truths . " They drink . Jackie puts down her glass again , swallowing , thinking hard . " I saw Grace holding hands with a girl from school . " Oh , get out of town ! Here I was , thinking it was all about the Florrick family antipathy to religion , and it 's actually that Jackie fears Grace is getting it on with Shannon ? That 's what she thought was happening when she caught them praying ? That 's hilarious . I love it ! Man , I didn 't see that coming , I truly didn 't . " OH . MY GOD . " " You can make fun , " Jackie sniffs , " but I think it 's too early for her to know if she 's gay or not - I think she 's making a choice that she 'll regret . " Aw , silly grandma . I almost feel bad for her , getting all concerned about the wrong thing . And really , there 's plenty she could be concerned about , what with the trackers and the fake website and the skanky vile ex - girlfriends - stuff that 's actually going on . " Regret ? " Owen asks , eyebrows raised . Owen , you 're funny , but you can 't raise eyebrows like your sister . " Don 't take it personally , " Jackie tells him - I wanted to say she snapped , but she 's actually being quite mild here . She wants him to keep talking . " Sure . Why would I ? " He relents , however . " Look , they were holding hands . Girls hold hands . " Yes , particularly if one of them is teaching the other to pray . This totally kills me . " In Grace 's room . " Owen takes a swig of wine . " Girls hold hands in rooms . " " On her bed . After a sleep over . " Huh . Now she 's got him wondering . In the concrete hallway of a Cook County College dorm , Kalinda starts to spin a tale for the man in charge . Don 't worry , he says , you have full access . You can see everything . " ASA says you 'll find it anyway . " Cary , you are so right . Exhibit one ; student i . d . which has to be swiped to get into the library . And here 's the list of people who were in the library last night . " I 'm guessing this isn 't going to end well , " Kalinda says , thumbing through the list . " It will for me , " the detective grins Jon hasn 't been in the library for a week . Okay , that 's not really normal for the week before finals , is it ? Alibi disproved . ( Hmm . Also , that 's interesting . Depending on the school , you could argue that someone held the door for them , a common problem in college security . If they didn 't have subway style turn styles , then there 'd be no way to tell for sure . ) That 's not good . The person prowling around the dorm room turns out to be the campus policeman who found the drugs . " They get older every year , " Kalinda snipes . " It was a legal search , " the cop insists . Me thinks the gentleman doth protest too much . " Damn , " exclaims Will , the wind blowing through his hair , walking along the police station 's front steps , " I thought at least their alibis would hold up . " It 's night now . " I 'm talking to the campus police . They 're always good for an infraction . " Will 's called away from Kalinda 's theorizing by a thin , worried blond woman who turns out to be Alexis 's mother . " We 're doing this pro bono , " Diane tells her inside , " free . Because we have a relationship with the Murphy family . " " It 's serious , " Will adds , " but right now we can 't tell how much is police overreach . " " Overreach ? " asks the poor bewildered woman . " Overcharging , " confirms Diane , " Is it just a drug charge that they 're inflating into a murder ? " Elisa Symaski sinks onto a bench . Alicia offers her water , which she refuses , distracted , confused . Her whole world is collapsing . " She 's a good girl . She would never do anything like that ! " Cary watches them from the elevator , sizing up the situation . " That 's good to know , " Diane says soothingly . " I just want you to know , Mrs . Symaski , that we are on the case . You could go with the public defender , but we will put all our resources into this . " Oh , Will , that 's a little rough . She 's befuddled , too much to speak . " I think I will take that water , " she finally asks . As Alicia heads toward the water cooler , Cary takes the moment to talk . " At a certain point you have to wonder if this is right . Tricking that woman into thinking you 're on her side . " Alicia smiles at Cary 's clear attempt at provocation . It 's not quite that he 's wrong , but if there 's a conflict of interest it 's largely because he created one , and hopes to exploit it . " Let me get this straight , " Alicia asks , " you 're criticizing us for using tricks . " Are they tricking Alexis and her mom ? Is Alicia actually okay with that ? You 've brought your so called concerns to the right person , Cary , as you well know , no matter what she says now . " I won 't apologize for lying to two punk kids who killed a man . " Oh . I see . So it 's only a trick if the person is demonstrably and irrefutably good . " Two punks kids ? Have you looked at them ? " She 's got a point , Cary ; they certainly don 't look like punks , and you really don 't have a good enough reason to assume they are . " We 've both dealt with enough criminals to know the killers look exactly like the victims . " Oooh . Now that was a good rejoinder . It 's just a plain good line . And it makes Alicia think . Over at Cook County , Kalinda 's thinking on her feet . All the campus cops have master keys for every room , the smug and self - satisfied red head cop tells her . He 's puffed up on his triumphant find , and okay , it 's not every day you catch a potential murderer on a college campus . He 'd gone in looking for prescription drugs . The detective sits at Jon 's desk , listening in . " Other students had reported prescription drugs being sold by Mr . Murphy , " he explains . Seriously ? First , didn 't Cary say they searched his room only after finding drugs in hers ? I suppose if you really did rob a pharmacy , you wouldn 't want all those drugs for yourself , but I still don 't get it . Why rob the pharmacy ? Why start dealing ? What would he have needed the money for ? It seems so unlikely . And not just because he 's rich . Colleges are full of rich prats . He just doesn 't seem like that kind of kid , somehow . " Sold , not used , " Kalinda asks . Yes , says Red the campus cop . " Congratulations , Kalinda , you just added a year to their sentence , " the detective joins in . " And where 'd you find the drugs ? " " There , " Red tells her , pointing with his chin , " under the bed . " " Under the bed , " she repeats , and he confirms it . He even agrees to show her how he finds the drugs . He walks out , walks back in . " I see the gym bag there , " he points to the bag halfway under the bed , " I zip it open , " he mimes the action , " I find the drugs . " If Kalinda was a rabbit , her ears would have been standing straight up . " You zipped open the gym bag ? " The detective lets out a big sigh . " Yeah , " says Red , confused . " Why ? " " The search of the dorm room was legal . But the moment you unzipped Mr . Murphy 's bag , the search became illegal . " Well . The things we do not know . " Better phone Cary , " she tells the detective as poor deflated Red shakes his head , watching his golden moment slip away . " Thanks . It 's going to be a long night . " Cary gets the detective 's call from a pay phone at the police station . Really ? His iphone not working anymore , or can he not afford it on an ASAs salary ? Seriously , what 's that about ? Even if the detective didn 't know Cary 's cell number , surely there 's a central phone back at the precinct he can call . Just weird . Kalinda has clearly passed on the good news to Will , who is dancing inside . He 's practically beaming . " 1410 probation for the both of them . " It 's a technicality , Cary insists . " You guys just love saying that , " Will laughs . " The whole Constitution 's a technicality . " " Three months . The first one who flips gets three months . " Well , got to give him credit for sticking to his guns , as it were . " Cary , think about it . Why would we do that ? Diane 's in one room , I 'm in another . You lost . Don 't let your ego do the thinking . " Will salutes him with his phone . Even a setback like that can 't hold Cary down ; he doesn 't whine a moment before he 's set his eyes on Mrs . Symanski , and argues her into cutting Diane and Julius loose . Masterfully played , Cary . He pretends that he doesn 't know Will and Diane . He brings up his plea offer , of which Mrs . S had been ignorant . He implies - rightly - that L & G have more interest in the Murphys than in Alexis . They came to you with terrible tales of the public defender , didn 't they , but there are other firms that do pro bono work . I could give you a number , he says sweetly . Oh , Cary , you little devil . And who did Cary call ? No . You remember that guy who Will got into a fist fight with in VIP Treatment ? That 's right . Wilk Hobson , played by Frederick Weller . Tall , dark , and smug . Self - satisfied , smirky and loathsome . Awesome . Do you think he 's actually friends with Cary , or is it just that Cary 's heard about the fight and wants to unsettle Will ? I 'd kind of love it if it were both . Aaaand - you 're fired . ( Although , can the mother technically do the firing ? Alexis is legal , isn 't she ? She 'd practically have to be , right , even if she 's not as old as Jon ? ) " I think it 's for the best , " Mrs . Symanski says diplomatically . " Yeah , it 's for the best . Thank you for all your hard , self - less work , " Smirky agrees . " I 'll take it from here . " " 8 months to the one who flips first , " Cary says , bopping Will on the shoulder with his fist , " good night . " And everyone 's followed Cary 's lead , because now Alicia 's pounding on her apartment door because she gave Owen her keys . As she 's calling out for Owen to open up , the door swings wide to reveal not Owen but Jackie . Jackie , wearing the African beaded headdress . Alicia looks like she 's been shot , and the pain hasn 't kicked in yet and the complete and utter surprise is all that exists . " Hello ! " Jackie says , in a quietly perky tone . " Hello ! " Alicia struggles to control her face . She won 't let herself laugh , but it 's a close thing . " Having fun , are we ? " ' I 've had a drink , but I am fine . I 'm doing laundry , " she says significantly , and with magnificent poise carries herself away . " Okay , " Alicia agrees , and runs with it . " What have you done to my mother - in … " she calls out to Owen , but cuts herself short when she sees he 's on the phone . " No , " he tells the caller , " that is your perception . " Oh . Ugh . Alicia wisely heads to the kitchen and pours herself some wine . " Oh . Well . I can 't help you with that , " Owen snaps . It 's interesting - Owen 's usually in control , when he 's being outrageous or provocative . This is something different and childishly self - justifying . " Yeah , okay , believe him and not me , that 's fine . " Alicia doesn 't want to be listening . " That is great . " " Hey , " Owen sighs to Alicia , having abruptly ended his call . Her face is alive with consternation . " How 'd your thing go , " he wonders . " Not well , " she understates , and really , it 's hard to imagine how that could have gone worse . " Was that Kevin ? " " Yeah , " says Owen , passing on his greetings . " I drank all your tequila , I 'm sorry . " What , in addition to the wine ? No wonder Jackie 's doing laundry in a ceremonial headdress . " When did you start drinking tequila anyway ? " Alicia seems to be screwing herself up to say something . " You should go to him . " " To Kevin ? No ! Why ? " " He didn 't cheat on you , did he ? " Owen opens his mouth to refute the notion , but can 't . " Just go to him and say you 're sorry . " " Well what if I 'm not , " Owen asks defensively . " Lie , and say that you are " insists Alicia . Woah , Nelly . Now , that 's not right . It does actually matter if he 's sorry , Alicia , and you of all peopl " Come on Alicia , we don 't all have to be like you . Not everyone 's required to be committed for life . " She sniffs , and takes a swig of the red wine . " Oh really , " Owen asks , narrowing his eyes , " the silent Alicia treatment ? Really ? Is that what we 've descended to already ? " You can just imagine this being typical of their childhood ; his solution to her silence is an ice cube down the back of her suit . She slips away , he brandishes it at her , and they wrestle . " Not funny , not funny ! " she yells , but of course it is . Tammy 's out cold in the big fluffy bed - presumably her big fluffy bed - where she and Will were playing earlier in the day . Huh . I totally pegged it as a hotel room . And it turns out that what I thought was a long puffy skirt is actually her comforter . Live and learn . " Did you save the world , " she asks as he slips into bed beside her . " Nope , " he says , kissing her shoulder . " Tomorrow . " She grins . " Oh , it 's you ! " Ha . " Anything from Derek ? " he wonders with false casualness , quite interested in the answer . " Nope . Rodney called . He says Derek is out ; he heard Lockhart / Gardner 's breaking up . " She yawns . Will stops in the middle of folding his suit jacket , stunned . " You serious ? " " Yeah , I 'm serious , " she says , lifting her head off the pillow , " Diane Lockhart 's been lining up clients for a coup . " She snuggles back down into her pillow , utterly unconcerned . " I 'm going back to sleep now , making little kitten noises . " Which , really , is this woman tone deaf or stupid in some way ? I know she 's not interested in the law , and that 's fine ( even if she 's a little rude about it ) , but for real ? I 'm going to tell you that your business is - at best - reputed to be crumbling , and I 'm not going to show the smallest bit of concern ? Even if this were unfounded gossip , it 'd be a problem for Will 's career if it prevented him from landing desirable clients . And clearly it has . But if it 's real , how much worse is that ? You just casually hand a man the knowledge that his professional life has been stolen out from under him . She says she 's there for the fun , and boy , it looks like she really means it if she can 't even muster the teeniest bit of interest in his life getting wrecked . Diane 's seated in an interrogation room . Will frowns down at her . " That 's blood in your car , Jon , " Cary tells him , " and I 'm guessing when we test it it 's going to be the pharmacists blood . " Really ? I just have the worst time believing they 're guilty . That 's crazy . I don 't get it ! Maybe this happens in the law - you might not get to know why every time - but this drives me nuts , it seems so unlikely . " Inadmissible , Cary , and you know it - fruit of the poisoned tree . The only reason you searched the car is the illegal search of my client 's dorm room . " Cary doesn 't care if he can prove it in court as long as he can make Alexis or Jon thinks the other has flipped on them . But why would they flip when faced with such a weakened case ? The camera cuts to Alexis with Hobson , who 's sick of the melodrama . Cary keeps up with the hard press . The deal will go away when we find the gun , and we will find it , he declares . " Make it 8 months probation and we 'll talk , " Hobson laughs . " Then I 'll just walk across the hall and offer the same deal to your girlfriend , " Cary continues . It 's so smooth , the way the scene toggles back and forth between the two rooms . " Go ahead , " says Alicia contemptuously . " You wouldn 't be hear if they hadn 't said the same thing . " Fine , says Cary , I 'll leave - but these lawyers are gambling with your life , Jon . His next tactic ? Dad Keith Murphy has given a large campaign donation to Glenn Childs . ( Really ? That 's fascinating . ) Cary insists to Alexis that this means Glenn will want to save Jon over her ; to Jon , he claims that Glenn will be motivated to seem fair and so go after his benefactor 's son . Right . " Are you listening ? " " Yes . But you don 't understand . Alexis won 't turn on me , and I won 't turn on her . " Are you sure , Cary wonders . I think his high priced lawyers are wearing him down . " I don 't believe you , " Alexis practically spits in Cary 's face . You have to respect them for the way they 're holding up through " Well that 's good , " Diane huffs at her phone . She turns to Alicia , just stepping out of the police station . They 're both buffeted by the wind . " Jonathan 's dad just flew in - maybe he can talk to him . " Or maybe Kalinda will have some luck looking for the gun - but would that be a good thing ? Diane looks measuringly at her employee , and then steels herself for the big plunge . " I need you to keep something confidential . " " Okay , " Alicia answers brightly . " Can you do that ? " Alicia 's confused by her tone . " If you ask me to , " she says again . " I 've come to respect you mightily as a lawyer , " Diane begins . We see dimples come out as Alicia smiles and thanks Diane . " David Lee , Julius and I are starting our own firm . We want you to come with us . " Alicia 's stunned . There 's a lot of that going around this week . She 's breathing a bit hard . " As you can imagine , this is very difficult . I have genuine feelings for Will . He and Bond are taking the firm in a direction that leaves little room for me , a woman . " Diane looks up , considering . " Does Will know about this ? " Alicia asks . " That we 're leaving ? No . " Alicia breathes out her distress , sinking down a little . " And I know you have a close relationship . That 's why I 'm asking you - whichever way you choose to go , you must keep this conversation confidential . " Mr E had stopped in to watch for a few minutes , and I have to tell you , he was pretty outraged at this . It 's an awful position to be put it . She gave her word . But she owes Will . Diane was smarter than I thought , coming to Alicia . Suddenly Will appears . " He 's having his third instincts , " he tells them , encouraged . He smiles . " Then here we come , " Diane steps up , and as she walks past Alicia , shoots her a deeply serious look . Alicia receives it . She doesn 't make a move to pull Will aside , but she 's still not happy . " Alexis has a friend , " Jon tells them , looking at the ground , wringing his hands , rubbing them together . " Jenny . Salerno . From the neighborhood . She phoned . She was in trouble . She needed to be picked up so - so we drove her . She had blood on her shirt and her shoes and she had a gun . " Alicia looks to Diane and Will , eyes narrowing . " Did you touch the gun ? " " Yes , " Jon admits ; Will explodes out of his seat , and Jon recoils . " We helped her get rid of it . " Diane leaves the room . " Okay . I need you to tell me exactly where you got rid of it . " Jon 's crying . " Hey Blake , we need you to locate a Jenny Salerno , " Diane speaks into her phone outside . Will and Alicia shoot by her , out to look for the gun themselves . Why ? Diane watches them go , troubled , wondered if she 's set the firm 's dissolution in motion too soon . The Evil Boyscout ( ah , it 's been so long . Why must you keep turning up ? ) stands at a brick wall , looking like he 's up to no good . And of course that 's the case . He idles up to the door , and then - looking around to make sure no one 's looking - pulls out some sort of telescoping blackjack to break through it . The music is tense , and the atmosphere more so because the house looks rather cheery . ( Though , I can 't help noting that there 's a pink geranium in the window box by the door . Since everyone 's dressed for winter , and it 's finals time , I 've been assuming that it 's mid - December . So why are there fresh flowers growing outside ? ) A wrought iron mailbox on the other side of the door bears the name Salerno in bold letters . Blake pops the door open , looking into a pretty , bright house with nice furniture - and Kalinda sitting at a table with a young woman , taking notes . " Come on in , " she waves . Ha . I 'd want to laugh at him looking like such a fool if he wasn 't also so dangerous . Police comb the rocky shore of Lake Michigan , systematically looking for the gun . They 've a large audience of urban kids , as well as Alicia and Will . " Yep , they 're doing a quadrant search . He said it was right up over here . " Now , how did the police know to be looking what 's generally the right place ? Weird . Is that where the pharmacy is ? Alicia drives off . They find the gun beneath some rebar , on the large rocks of a sort of breakwater . There 's bright red blood on the handle . I cannot imagine why anyone disposing of a gun in such a place wouldn 't just toss it into the lake . It genuinely defies logic . It 's on the wrong side of the breakwater to have washed back up . Stupid . " So what do we do ? " Alicia , I 'm with you . Why even go looking for the gun if you can 't do anything with it when you find it ? Because you found it and here you are . " It 's illegal to take it . " " So we just leave it ? Hope maybe the police don 't find it ? " Will considers . " It 's not technically part of the crime scene , " he theorizes . " The police haven 't found any evidence yet . And who 's to say this gun was the gun ? " Alicia stares down at the bloody weapon . Will gets involved in the story he 's concocting . " We took it into our possession . We were in a crime ridden neighborhood , and were concerned someone would take it before the police were contacted . " Right . What with the police being actually in sight and all . Alicia gives him and his nonsensical story the fish eye . " It 's evidence , " he shrugs , giving up . " We can 't alter , conceal or destroy evidence . " " So that 's it then , " she says . " Yes , " he agrees , and she heads back to her car . They drive back out past the quadrant searching cops . Pull over , Will asks Alicia , and he calls out to the nearest of the young men . " Hey ! " " Hey to you . We 're not selling . " " No , " says Will , " we , ah - back by the rocks over there - we just found a gun . We didn 't know if it was one of yours … maybe not . " The kid regards Will coldly . " Okay , " he says , and he gestures to his friends to walk with him toward the shore . " Was that legal ? " Alicia wonders , her tone dangerous . " That was … on the line , " Will decides . " Uh huh . " Alicia doesn 't think much of that line . " She said that ? She lying ! " Jenny Salerno shrugs . Her bright purple cardigan 's a vivid contrast to the yellowy green walls of her living room . " She also said that you wanted to get rid of your gun , and that you sold them some prescription pills . " Um , Alexis didn 't say that , did she ? I mean , there 's no way our team would have been allowed to confer with her . Not that I should be shocked by Kalinda lying , but it 's interesting that she chose to pretend the story came from Alexis instead of Jon . " What ? " Jenny says in outrage . " It was the opposite - I bought some of those pills from them ! " Campbell 's Soup Spawn glares down at Jenny , measuring the situation . Then he brings his batton straight to her throat , knocking her backward . Kalinda watches closely to make sure it doesn 't get out of hand . " The question : Thursday night , 11pm . Where were you ? " At an atm , she says - and wow , could she have picked a more verifiable place to be ? Doubtful . He asks for her wallet , and she tosses it to him . I really hate the Evil Boyscout . Hate . Have I mentioned that lately ? Upon repeat viewings , he seems not to be trying to hurt her , but jeez , did the extreme tactics even get in any new information ? No , just the same story she was telling . You can 't really make a case for violence being justified here . Kalinda hands Diane the atm photos , which clearly show Jenny where she said she was , too far away to be the killer . Alexis and Jon are lying to us , Diane realizes , but it 's worse than that ; apparently Jenny knows the real story . Or at least what these two told her ; they robbed the pharmacy , Lightbox the pharmacist surprised them , he had a gun , Alexis saw him about to shoot Jon , she wrestled with him , and killed him . Wow . " So Alexis killed him to save Jonathan , " Blake sums up ( thank you , Blake ) . " So we need him to take the plea , " Will states the obvious , standing in front of the police station with the city behind him , " we need him to turn on her . " Good luck with that , buddy . " How 're we going to do that ? " Blake wonders . " There 's only one reason he hasn 't turned on her yet . " Will pauses for emphasis . " Love . " They all look very serious with the wind in their hair . The camera swings over to Alicia , whose presence we weren 't aware of before . " You 're going to break them up ? " Will nods . Alicia is not pleased . " No one said it would be pretty , " Diane agrees , shaking her head . And , okay , that was stupid . Why send everyone to Jenny when she 's clearly not going to send herself to prison to save the two of you ? When she 's the person who knows the truth and will be strongly motivated to tell it ? Of course , she could be lying , but I don 't see how this has advanced Jon 's defense at all . So what was he thinking would happen ? I think it 's a cheat to say he didn 't know what he was doing , because he 's had a lot of time to think of a better trick than just landing the truth in their laps . If he wanted to hand them the truth , why wouldn 't he just tell them ? It 's a puzzle . A tall gray haired man walks into the police station . Look , it 's the infamous Mr . Murphy ! " Where 's my son , " he barks , and Alicia , Will and Diane move to his side . Will introduces himself and begins to take lead , but Murphy shuts him down . " Diane , what 's going on ? " Not fun to be left out in the cold , is it , Will ? Cary 's offer is now at 4 months . Why all the bouncing around , Cary ? 3 , 8 , 4 , what 's next ? Diane explains that it looks like " she " is the one who shot the pharmacist . It 's interesting that Alexis doesn 't have a name anymore , now that she 's the enemy . Alicia realizes that Mrs Symanski is within earshot , and suggests they move away . I suggest they not talk about their client 's guilt in the middle of a police station , surrounded by cops who are much nearer than Mrs S , but hey , apparently that 's just me . Will lays down the situation ; Jonathan won 't take a plea out of concern for Alexis . Well , duh . He 'd have to be pretty cold to turn in not only the girl he loves but someone who 's in trouble for saving his life . " We 're going to need him to rethink that concern . " Keith Murphy pins Will down with his stare . " What was your name again ? " Will repeats it . " Do you have a plan for doing that ? " " Yes , but it would help if we had some ammunition . " And it looks like there is some . About a month ago , Jon emailed his mother that he couldn 't sleep because he was afraid Alexis was unfaithful . Huh . " She was talking on the phone to some guy named Neil , that 's all I know . " Sigh . " I 'm on it , " says Will , and Alicia steps away with him as he goes to sic Kalinda on Neil 's identity . Will glances toward her . " Do you think this is a mistake ? " " I can 't tell what 's a mistake anymore , " she confesses . " He didn 't do it , " Will says , clinging to that ( which I suppose is some comfort ) . Alicia 's not swayed by this argument . " But she did it to save him ! " Alicia 's totally lost Will 's attention , however . He 's mesmerized by a scene at the police station entrance - the young black man from the lake shore , now dressed in a college sweatshirt and looking much less urban . " Damn , " he says , " it 's the kid with the gun . " " Kind of fortuitous , isn 't it ? " Cary pops up to tell them . " This kid just showed up with the murder weapon . " Will 's thrilled , of course . " Yeah , " Cary shrugs . " Turns out he 's a sophomore at CSC and he just found the gun , called it into the police . " Cary points to the kid : " That 's a real good Samaritan . It 's a good thing he pointed us toward the gun , because we never would have found it . " Naw , that 's not true , but Cary sure knows how to twist that knife , and Will is definitely feeling it . " Not only that , but we found prints on it . " The lab 's expediting them , so they ought to make the deal within the next few hours . " Do you really think he 's going to hold out much longer ? " Cary asks Alexis . " He is negotiating with us right now to get the plea down . " Alexis doesn 't look any more panicked than she 's looked all day . It 's still a lot , though . Her elbows are still on the table , and her hands grip her thin arms above the elbow . " I don 't believe you , " she says , closing her eyes . " I love him and he loves me . " " Well , I hope you 're right because I just found the murder weapon , and I 'm guessing it has both of your prints on it . " Hobson comes to life at this point , and shows Cary the door so he can do some pleading and badgering of his own . " I know the lawyers over there , Alexis . I know how they work . They 're doing what I 'm going to do right now ; plead with you to take this deal . I know you think love lasts forever . It doesn 't . It wilts in the face of 25 years . And then it will just be you and a prison cell . Listen to me . Please . Do you think the urgency is warranted here ? Both sets of prints will be on the gun . Quite possibly , however , the location of those prints could prove who the killer was . Would it be better to just let things work themselves out , and assume that the ASA 's office won 't charge the kids equally when faced with the evidence ? I wonder how concerned with the truth Hobson is . Does he know that Alexis is ( it seems ) guilty ? I 'm sure she hasn 't told him , and obviously Will and Diane haven 't . If he knew , would he be urging Alexis to take the plea and lie ? It 's a different dilemma for each kid , isn 't it - she 'd have to lie to take the deal , but all Jon would have to do is tell the truth . " Here 's Neil , " Kalinda says , holding phone records up against the outside wall of the police station . " She phoned him three times in one night , and five times the following week . " " Good , " says Will , taking the papers , " great . " He takes off with his ammunition . " No , it 's not what you think , " Kalinda intervenes , calling Will back . " It doesn 't matter , " Will tells Kalinda and Alicia , " we can leverage this . " Ah , but it turns out that Neil is Alexis ' ob / gyn . Oh , crap , I see where this is going . ( And , ugh , she better have been dealing those pills and not taking them herself ! ) " And she 's phoning her ob / gyn because she 's pregnant . " Will leans back against the wall , distressed . This is a great twist , even if I don 't think it 's normal to call your ob by their first name or call them 3 times a night . " Look , she phoned him seven times . Neil Osseola . Neil Osseola . Neil Osseola . You see ? " Okay , first of all , 3 plus 5 does not equal 7 , and also , is this wise ? A month ago Jon didn 't know who Neil was , but the pair are pretty devoted to each other now ; does Jon really seem like someone who 's been living with a month of doubts ? I suppose it 's possible that her saving his life would have calmed his doubts , but just don 't see why Will is taking the chance , trying to play Jon like this . " That 's the woman you 're throwing away your future for . That 's the man she 's been cheating with . " Alicia can 't believe he 's doing this either . Will looks at her , and they exchange one of their amazing eye contact conversations , though it 's not so much unquestioning reassurance they 're passing along now . She walks out . Will looks back at Jon , who is shaking , making calculations inside his head . Then we see the phone records , with Neil Osseola underlined and printed out in red . Alicia leans against the wall inside the station , thinking and watching Mrs . Symanski and Mr . Murphy , who wait , separately . " Sorry I have to be tough , " Will tells her . Sorry you have to be wrong , Will . And would it even be worth it if you weren 't ? I won 't say it isn 't worthy to save a ( relatively ) innocent man from spending 25 years in prison , but oh , it 's not an easy call . None of them are thinking about Jon for his own sake , are they , or what it would cost him to betray Alexis ? They 're thinking of Murphy 's business , and assuming that Murphy doesn 't care as much about his son 's honor as he does his freedom . " People decide their future in a heartbeat , and they don 't know how important that heartbeat is . " Well , true . Of course , the real heartbeat here is apparently the one where Alexis and Jon inexplicably decide to rob that pharmacy . Or maybe even the moment their child was conceived . " Wilk 's doing the same thing in his room . " " I understand , " says Alicia wearily , still leaning up against the wall . " I just don 't have to like it . But I understand . " She nods . " Do it , Jon , " Keith Murphy tells his son . " It 's not right , Dad , " Jon insists . His profile fills the screen . " No , what 's not right is having your mom visit you in prison for the next 25 years . What 's not right is throwing away your future . " Already done it , Dad . How do you think he 's going to live the next 25 years if he barters her freedom for his own ? Do you think he 'll just head off to law school and forget ? Alicia looks on from the background , tired and sad . " Dad , I can 't turn on her . " " Son , she did it . She killed a man . " Is this supposed to be news ? Who knows that better than Jon ? " She killed a man to save me . The only reason we were there was because of me . " But why ? I don 't understand that bit , I really don 't , and I 'm really annoyed they 're not explaining it . " You won 't walk away from that . You 'll be sentenced for burglary , you 'll have a record … " " Dad , I love her , " Jon declares , his voice low and throbbing . Will shakes his head . Alicia lowers her eyes . " Do you love me ? " Keith Murphy asks his son . Oh , ouch . Of course he does . Keith puts a hand on the back of Jon 's neck . " Then please , do this . " Father and son look into each other 's eyes . Keith rubs Jon 's back . " Get him in here , " he commands gruffly . Will goes . Cary 's waiting in the hall . " Have you made a decision , " he asks . Jon nods . Everyone 's out in the station room , looking dejected - even Cary , for some reason . Does Cary know the truth ? The silence is sliced by a scream . " No ! " cries Alexis from her interrogation room . Jon runs out of his , handcuffed , an arm pinned behind his back by a police officer . " Alexis , it 's okay , " he shouts at her door . " No ! " she screams out her anguish again . " Let me out ! Let me out , let me out , let me out , " she wails , and Cary stops Jon 's progress through the office and brings him back . " Let me out , let me out , please . " He opens the door . She rushes out , shaking off Cary 's steadying hand . " Why , " she begs , weeping . " Why did you do it ? " She throws her arms around Jon 's neck and cries into his shoulder . " We 're having a baby . " They murmur words of love and pain almost incoherently . Cary leans forward , silently signals for the officer to release Jon from the handcuffs , so he can hold Alexis . " I can 't have you on the inside , " he tells her , both hands on her beloved face . " Look . You did this to protect me . That 's why I 'm doing this . " " No , " she cries , and they kiss . The officer breaks the kiss to pull Jon away . Alexis cries and pleads , to no avail . Her mother moves in to hold her , while Alicia looks over at Will . Nobody looks particularly pleased with themselves here . " I understand , " Diane tells her phone . She 's back at her desk in the office , city lights behind her . " No , I do . Thank you . " She hangs up the phone and reaches for a wine glass . " It was Murphy , " Will guesses from the doorway . " Yes , " she says briefly , drinking her wine . The open bottle sits on her desk . She doesn 't look up after putting the glass down . " He wants another firm to handle his son 's appeal . " Well , I guess we can all understand that , can 't we ? I don 't know what the right way to handle this would have been , but clearly , L / G & B handled it wrong . She looks up at Will , standing in the shadows of her doorway . " He wants to take his business elsewhere . " She moves papers from her desk , her back toward him . Diane straightens her back , and slowly , slowly turns around . " With me , " she inquires , not giving anything away . He shakes his head . " To your new firm , " he grinds out . His tone is scathing and deceptively soft . She walks back toward the desk , her lips curled , the slightest swagger in her steps . The game is on . " You wanna have this out now ? " " We 're both here , " he says calmly . " Who told you , " she wonders , " Alicia ? " His composed expression takes a hit , becomes colder , more still at this betrayal . " No . She didn 't tell me . In fact I didn 't even know she knew . " " I 've asked her to join me , " Diane tells him defiantly , which comes close to being a taunt in my book . He nods , derisive , and you can see he 's working up to an explosion . " And she 's considering it ? " " I think so , " Diane says , whether or not she believes it . " Who else ? " He moves into the room . " Why ? So you can weed out the betrayers ? " Well , yes , Diane . Of course . We know from experience that this matters to him . She 's still sipping her wine . " You should have told me , Diane , " he says dangerously . " If I was considering this , I would have told you . " Do I believe that ? Diane doesn 't . " Are you serious ? " she asks contemptuously . " You and Bond have been plotting for months . " " Oh my God , you 're paranoid , " he talks over her . " And I 'm right , " she says , getting in his face . I don 't know if Will 's been plotting , but Bond has , and Will knows it , so at least in that sense she 's right . He still looks pretty offended . " Tell me I 'm not right . " " I 'm through telling you . I 've not made one single move against you , not one . " Well , you did make her drop Joe Trippi . " So you never knew Blake ? Kalinda found out . You 've known each other for years . And you and Bond have been systematically turning the equity partners against me . " Now that can 't be true , can it ? " You are only happy when you think people are lined up against you , " Will raises his voice . " So have it ! Happy birthday ! It 's my present to you . " He delivers the last words with a world of scorn . " Gorge on your own paranoia , but don 't come in tomorrow . " " It 's my firm as well , " she tells him . " No it isn 't , " he thunders , and she swallows his anger . They take a moment to face each other down . " And tomorrow , I 'm going to have guards outside your office doors . And I 'm gathering the equity partners . " He turns to leave . " To vote me out , " she says in bitter triumph , pursing her lips and nodding her head , as if this were his plan all along , as if she 's left him any choice . " Tell me my concerns weren 't real . " " You made your concerns real , " he says , still walking , his back to his old partner . She shakes her head , and drinks her wine as the soundtrack swells . Owen 's sitting in the dark nibbling something ; he looks up , almost as if he 'd been caught doing something wrong , when he hears the door . I think guilty is one of his default expressions . " I 'm in here , " he whispers loudly , his face lit by the lap top he has balanced on his knees . " You 're up late , " she says . " Yeah , " he agrees , setting the lap top on the coffee table . " Eatin ' Halloween candy , do you want some ? " He waves a small white bowl full of candy corns at her , but she 's good . Too good for candy corns ? Wow . Impressive consider she 's had a real binge - inducing kind of day . She sits down beside him , a bit morose . " I 'm never going to find love , " he grouses . Ah , Owen . Not going to ask her how her day went ? I get it that he 's hurting , but he 's comparatively very self - involved . " What ? What makes you say that ? " Alicia 's startled . Um , I don 't know , Alicia , maybe because he thinks true love ought to be like magic , and he doesn 't believe in magic ? " I 'm hard to live with . I get sick of people . They get on my nerves . " He stares straight ahead , as if looking into his bleak future as an old writer with dogs . " You called Kevin , " big sis diagnoses correctly . He did . " I apologized . I was very convincing . " He shrugs . " I even convinced myself . But - he said it 's over . " She puts her arm around him and her compassionate face on . " It 's all right . " She cuddles in and rubs his shoulder . " The scary thing is , I felt relieved . " She stops rubbing . Well , but I can see that . It 'd be harder to stay , knowing you were the betrayer , knowing the other person had something on you that they could unfold at any time and toss in your face . " Love just doesn 't seem to last with me . They should put you in a museum . " " Thanks , " she says , but you know , the way he said that was weirdly cute . It wasn 't an insult , he 's quick to explain , though he struggles to articulate just how he meant the words . " It 's this ability you have - how do you make love outlast passion ? " Her face is a study , in surprise and even painful self doubt . " Is that what I do ? " " I don 't know . You tell me . " He really does want the secret , want it to be magic . " I think it 's not just about the heart , Owen . " Her answer , of course , isn 't that it 's not magic - it 's application , discipline . " I think sometimes the heart needs . . " she fishes around for the right word , " steering . " His cheek twitches . " I thought you were going to say something profound , " he complains , breaking the seriousness of the moment . She laughs . " What was wrong with that ? " He imitates her , still staring straight ahead , his tone infused with a mock solemnity . " The heart needs - steering . " Alicia laughs again , loudly , and Owen laughs with her . Quickly , too quickly , she realizes where they are , that her family is sleeping around them , and hushes him . " I 'm going to stay here for a couple of days . " " Okay , " she says happily . " I mean , you can say no . " " Can I ? " she wonders . " No , " he replies . " Okay . So . " She looks into his eyes and makes a tiny production out of asking sincerely . " Owen , why don 't you stay here for a few days ? " Finally he turns to look at her . " If you insist , " he says . She bites her lip , but whether to hold in laughter or tears I can 't say . " Will you make cooing noises so I know that everything 's going to be okay ? " Oh , dear God , please let her make cooing sounds . I would love to hear that . She nods . He nods . As the screen fades to black we hear what might be humming . I liked the emotion and the ideas played with in this episode . Will tries to break up the loving young couple ; Diane and Will break up the firm . As Alicia says , you don 't just need love , you also need steering . Jon chooses to stick with Alexis ; Diane chooses not to stick with Will . And , of course , I thought the acting was terrific , and I really liked the way certain long gestating plotlines sped up . We finally meet Murphy of Murphy v . Gomez ! Will finds out about Diane 's new firm ! Someone remembered that Derrick exists ! ( Actually , I 'm not so excited that Derrick exists . Maybe I 'd have rathered they keep forgetting about him . ) But I do have issues . Alicia was essentially a bystander , and I 'm not sure how I feel about that . I 'm curious what she would have done with the situation if the strategy had been up to her . I guess that 's fine , though . I 'm having the most trouble getting over the idea of these kids pulling this robbery . They want to be lawyers , the boy is rich and could buy them drugs if they needed it , so what the heck ? I don 't even get why they needed the drugs in the first place , I genuinely don 't . Was one of them about to fail out ? Cary makes good sense when he says that villains don 't wear capes and snicker darkly at us . It 's not that I don 't believe serious , academic minded kids could turn to crime . It might find it unlikely , but certainly possible . I just don 't believe they 'd do it lightly , and we really didn 't get any reason to believe they needed to do what they did . Now , it wasn 't clear to me ; did she shoot the pharmacist with his own gun , or did she have one of her own ? And if she got this gun to commit this robbery , and there was intent to distribute instead of simply looking for a little boost during finals week , well , that makes it a whole other story . Why would you rob a pharmacy for a few pills ? Was it really Jon 's idea to knock over the pharmacy to sell the pills , and why ? Why does he need the money ? I keep coming back to that . These questions kept it from That said , I loved seeing the team out at a police station ( I love the office , but new locations are a treat ) , and I loved the trickery with Cary , and of course the interweaving of L / G 's internal strife . I did like seeing Lockhart / Gardner have a rare loss , and I perhaps perversely enjoyed seeing Will 's clever shady moves come up short . I thought the actors playing both Alexis and Jon were wonderful . And of course I loved the return of Owen , and particularly his scenes with Jackie . That was such a delight . Jackie thinks Grace is gay ! I could laugh for a week . And the visual of Jackie in that wig ( obvious sight gag that it was ) will bring me smiles forever . But does any of that really matter , in the face of this episode 's explosive conclusion ? I don 't know how to feel about Will and Diane . Their scene was beautifully played , and my heart breaks for Will . Can they take this back ? Will they be able to make it right ? It 's going to be really upsetting if they break the firm up for good , and yet I don 't know how they get back to good now . I just don 't know . I will be really sorry to see Will and Diane as constant adversaries . Is there any way to avoid that at this point ? And what a dreadful position all of this puts Alicia in . It 's organic , and well set up , I 'll give the writers that , but it 's fiendish , too . Will she go with Diane ? Is Will going to even want her to stay , now that he knows that she knew ? Is it a way to complete the break between them ? Is she safer working for Diane , removed from temptation , or would leaving his employ actually allow Will and Alicia to be together ? And is that a reason for her to go to Diane , or to stay with Will ? E says : January 13 , 2011 at 5 : 50 pm Thanks , Angee , and great to hear from you ! I kind of generally see why things work with Tammy - Will gets to have a fun , reliable relationship without doing the hard work or thinking - but good lord . This was just a whole other level . I was shocked she could be so callous , and out of tune . I guess it 's supposed to make it clear that Tammy really isn 't a good option for Will , no matter how much fun they have in bed or how cute her sleepy time kitten noises are . ( Kudoes to E . Reaser for being able to say that with a straight face , don 't you think ? ) Angee says : January 13 , 2011 at 6 : 15 pm I love hearing from you and hope you had a wonderful holiday season . While I mostly blame the writers for Tammy 's behavior Tuesday night , call me crazy I also think Tammy 's falling for Will and it scares her because she knows he is love with someone else and she never had a serious relationship with anyone . Now I know you will really think I 'm crazy because I think Will 's kind of falling for her or else he would have bailed after the 2nd date . He has plenty other women he can have fun , no strings attached relationships with besides Tammy so what keeps him coming back to her ? E says : January 13 , 2011 at 7 : 30 pm Well , I still don 't agree with you , but I definitely don 't think you 're crazy . The point about the keys is right on , as well as the one about Will blowing off work to be with her . Yeah , those are some really good points . And sure , she 's definitely trying to do nice things for Will with those tickets and the meeting with Rodney . That just makes her limitations so peculiar . I will grant you that the whole " I 'm only in it for the fun " is sort of a hard idea to buy . It 's not your average girl move , certainly . And I think there are more feelings involved than each of them would want to admit . But in some ways , I also think they 're playing a role - playing house . There are more , but also less emotions involved than might be normal . Angee says : January 13 , 2011 at 10 : 27 pm Thanks ! I had a great holiday ? I think you are right E and The Good Wife seems to specialize in peculiar , unsatisfying relationships ( at least for the audience , IMO ) Will & Tammy , Peter & Alicia , Will & Alicia . No one seems happy or even willing to do something about their unhappiness . What about Alicia 's advice to Owen to lie to Kevin , does she feel that same way about Peter lying to her ? E says : January 14 , 2011 at 10 : 32 am OMG , I nearly died when Alicia said that to Owen . Maybe she thinks that he really is sorry and just not admitting it ? Or that he really does want to be with Kevin ? That was a pretty gasp inducing line . E says : January 13 , 2011 at 5 : 44 pm Oh , that 's interesting , I totally assumed Tammy was talking about Derek Rose not willing to sign with Will , not anything about Derrick Bond . I think Bond will be perfectly pleased to come home and find that Diane and David Lee have decamped . Diane and Will have had their differences , but yeah , I hate the idea that the firm is really and truly breaking up . Can that be possible ? I hate that idea . Will and Diane 's repartee is one of my favorite parts of the show . And ugh , Blake . How can they let him do what he does ? He doesn 't get better results than Kalinda , and he 's violent , for heaven 's sake . It 's appalling . And maddening . And lots of other ings . E says : January 13 , 2011 at 6 : 58 pm Right and right . What kind of mind breaks in first and knocks later ? He is totally a liability for the firm . Why do none of them see it ? The split flummoxes me … firstly bec of the issues you raise , but pragmatically for the show … can they really have 2 sep law firms on the series ? ? ? whichever one Alicia is NOT at will not get much focus … I just don 't see it . Also an interesting point is that before I thought . . go with Diane ( female mentor ) - but as she was portrayed in this epi , she has little interest in Alicia other than for her connections . I am also really disappointed in the portrayal of Tammy generally . . seems a waste of a good actress … didn 't hit me how clueless she was about Will 's issues - until you pointed it out . I just wonder if every potential partner for Will will be a failure because he is also pining for Alicia . . not sure how much they can do that . I know , I had real issues with the case , too . And of course I 'm frustrated by the lack of Peter and also the lack of movement on the VM , on the viral video , on Zach 's website travesty and a bunch of other things . But this show is so many things that it 's rarely everything all at once . This episode left me hungry for more of the show , rather than feeling sated , but I guess that 's a good problem for the show to have … Angee says : January 13 , 2011 at 10 : 34 pm Great comment Marilyn n ! Lately The Good Wife seems really unfocused and scattered and they do try to cram too much in a single episode . If they would follow up on what they have already introduced they could fill several episodes . - W / D were amazing ! What a great scene , but I do not want them to split up 😦 I really hope the writers go back on this . Who will Alicia pick ? My money is on Will but it would be a real shocker if it was Diane . Also what do you think Will feels now that he knows Alicia knows ? Also , I think that Alicia not telling Will was the right thing , she gave Diane her word . And I get loyalty , and I understand W / A are friends but they are also colleagues and not sure it was her place to tell Will . E says : January 14 , 2011 at 10 : 42 am Kiki ! Great to hear from you . 🙂 I would love to hear Peter weigh in on the Diane / Will decision . How will he feel if his wife goes with his rival ? Love love loved Jackie and Owen . I did actually think the " steering " line was good advice . That 's a tough concept to get across without sounding totally unromantic . One line I 've heard a lot is " love is a decision , not a feeling . " I think love 's both , personally , but there 's nothing unromantic ( in my book ) about choosing to be with a person every day and structuring your life around that choice . But Owen doesn 't want to work like that , or believe that love could require work . I agree with you about Alicia keeping her word to Diane . That was a terrible position to put her in , but - I just hope she gets to explain to Will that Diane sort of tricked her into promising not to tell . I 'm sure Alicia thought the confidentiality had something to do with the case , not the firm . And yes , I agree - it was a good episode , but not the best . The case had a lot of holes in it , and there wasn 't a ton of movement on the larger relationships . Still , there was a lot to enjoy . I 'm so ready for the next show ! E says : January 17 , 2011 at 11 : 33 am Well , it was a rather disappointing Golden Globes for us , huh ? I knew it would be an uphill battle , but I did think Julianna had a really good shot at her award . I wonder whether or not her being on network tv works against her ? I think people ( especially critics ) have stopped expecting great tv in any place other than cable . I would say that 's true of everyone - EXCEPT Blake ! Even Becca is more dimensional . They haven 't done a thing to make Blake likable or human . E says : January 18 , 2011 at 9 : 57 am I 'd love to see whether they think they 've made a rationale for Blake as a multidimensional character . I certainly wouldn 't say that Kalinda didn 't push him to escalate things , but still . He came out with a grudge , and his escalations have been just plain evil . E says : January 18 , 2011 at 4 : 33 pm You know , the more I think about this episode , the more it strikes me as an interesting book end to Bad Girls , where you have a family torn apart with lies , where we don 't know the truth . Here you have more silence , which makes for a less dramatic episode , but people who are actually treating each other better - they don 't lose faith in each other , they don 't implicate each other . I 'd approve of them and feel totally sorry for them if they weren 't burgling murderers . This show is fascinating that way . They really do make you feel for everyone ( except Blake ) . What other show could take two womanizing , ruthless , dubious moral men and turn them into swoonworthy love interests ? Hmm . Is it weird to call Peter a love interest ? Maybe I mean romantic partners . But there 's also a sense in which Alicia and Peter have to begin again , which is more love interest - y . E says : January 14 , 2011 at 10 : 30 am Do you ever wonder if they sort of put that out - that the show will eventually go A / W - to throw people off the track ? I wonder that . It seems early for them to tip their hand . I 'm not about the fait accompli feeling either . E says : January 14 , 2011 at 4 : 26 pm Well , I don 't know , maybe it 's crazy of me . I know a lot of people were worried because in an interview , one of the Kings talked about Will and Alicia being soulmates . And of course there 's her reaction to the VM . But sometimes I wonder if it isn 't purposeful misdirection , and maybe they 'll surprise us by really reviving her relationship with Peter . MMGF says : January 14 , 2011 at 5 : 48 pm See , I think that would be the coolest , most unexpected thing for a show to do . To never go back to the Alicia - Will storyline . Not only would it be very non - happy - ending realistic , but the audience would keep expecting it to go back there , forever . And they 'd never know that it just wouldn 't . I 'd love that . Lisa says : January 15 , 2011 at 9 : 02 am E ! ! ! New episode and a fantastic new recap by you . Thank you so very much . I think they could easily take the route of making A / W a mirage for the audience . But if they want the show to remain rooted in reality they will have to back that up with significant movement on the part of the characters of Alicia and Will as well . A / W can 't keep staring at each other with desperate longing and almost fall out of their chair upon learning that something about the other one passed them by if the writers never want to revisit it . As long as this continues , there is no question of revisiting it , as we never left it in the first place . The story is alive and well as of now . I guess what I meant is that we could have all the set up of A / W only to have the writers switch it up and have Alicia somehow fall back in love with Peter , even though it 's hard not to take away the feeling that it 's Will Alicia really wants . But yes , it 's not exactly a surprise either way , since Alicia and Will don 't have more of a relationship now than just exchanging the occasional glance . I am so looking forward to tonight 's episode ! I hope it 's a satisfying one . Lisa . . I see your point and I guess it is a possibility … although the audience would have a fit . . usually there is no declaration of love so early … so the viewers are really invested in more than a mirage … ! E . . you comment about purposeful misdirection is interesting > I thought of that too ; maybe the Kings were being cheeky , having us on ? ? . But they kept saying this comment several times in different ways . . true love , romeo and juliet , soulmates . . etc . I wondered why bec if they do go with W / A in reality , it is too early in the series . Why make it sound a fait accompli ( how I see it once you say " true love " . . audience willl only root for that couple ) . . but then the cynical side of me realized that they are also always talking demos , demos , and frankly W / A appeal to the younger demo . I think they make the comments to keep them interested . E says : January 18 , 2011 at 9 : 56 am Marilyn , that 's an interesting idea that Alicia and Will appeal to a younger demo . Are there stats on that ? And why would that be - is the underpining that married viewers would want her to work things out with people , while the forbidden love aspect would attract youth ? Marilyn says : January 20 , 2011 at 8 : 22 pm The Will / alicia appealing to the younger demo is something I heard JM and Kings say . Also it is kind of logical . . besides what PM music said which is also true . When you are younger , you think you have lots of time , my husband cheated , I 'm out of here . But older pple , esp women , think , I have kids , loved this person ( hopefully ) , there is something to save here … less disposable approach . By staying with Peter , I think it says volumes about Alicia 's expectations of herself . What I mean is that she doesn 't throw out her marriage because it 's not what she expected . By staying she is allowing her marriage to be the way it is , letting Peter be Peter , and that way she is allowing to explore things herself , like whatever it is she feels for Will . I think you 're right about Alicia . It 's about choosing what sort of person to be , about her expectations for herself and how she behaves . It 's something she can control , when she can 't control what Peter ( or Will ) does . music says : January 19 , 2011 at 6 : 00 pm Also , I can 't help but feel sad for Diane for her lack of faith . Not in Will , but in knowing that things will be alright for her because her heart is in the right place in her work at the law firm . E , in Nine Hours , you were alarmed about letting people believe that clasping their hands together and fervently wishing for something would lead to disappointment if they didn 't achieve what they wanted and therefore a loss of faith . E says : January 19 , 2011 at 11 : 33 pm I didn 't like Will in this episode , either . I mean , I certainly felt bad for him , and I think he was pretty gutted to find out that Diane had gotten so far without bringing any of her concerns to him . But I hate all the dirty tricks he used during the case . I hated his strategy . To sum up , I was not a fan . I 've never really thought of Diane as generally paranoid , but she surely likes investigating people . Remember that guy she was dating last year ? And of course the way she had Kalinda dig up Will 's connection to Blake . I really wish they 'd explain that one soon . The Good Wife : Two Courts « Relatively Entertaining says : January 20 , 2011 at 6 : 28 pm [ … ] E : I don 't know about you , but this past week couldn 't go fast enough for me . Breaking Up left me pretty unsatisfied ; a lot happened , but so much of it was hurtful that I just didn 't [ … ] Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Jesus Christ . Do you know Him ? He is the Son of God and yet he was willing to come to earth as a man and die a horrible death even though he was innocent and lived a perfect life without commiting a sin . He died on the cross to pay the price for you and me . He paid our debt so that we could have our relationship to God restored and so we could have eternal life . If you don 't know Him , you can . It is easy . Just say a prayer to God telling Him that you realize that you are a sinner and that you can 't make it to heaven on your own . Tell Him that you believe that Jesus Christ paid the price for you and washed away your sin by dying on the cross and that He defeated sin and death when He arose again from the grave . You are forgiven just by believing . Tell God that you want to accept Jesus into your life to be Lord of your life and you want to turn away from a life of sin . The next step would be to share this decision with a fellow Christian or a pastor and join with a group of believers that can support you and help you grow as a Christian . Here are some verses in the Bible that can help you : John 3 : 16 , Romans 5 : 8 , Romans 3 : 23 , Romans 6 : 23 , John 1 : 12 , I Corinthians 15 : 3 - 4 , Romans 10 : 9 , 13 , John 5 : 24 . How do people get discombobulated ? Have you ever seen someone who was combobulated ? If we call people from Poland poles why don 't we call people from Holand holes ? If a rabbit 's foot was actually lucky , wouldn 't it still be attached to the rabbit 's leg ? Why does Goofy talk and wear clothes while Pluto barks naked ? If you wanted to mummify a fly , would you use dental floss ? If the husband dies , the wife is called a widow , if a child 's parents die , it is called an orphan . Why isn 't there a word for a parent that loses a child ? Why do they call it baby - sitting when all you do is run after them ? Why is it called American football when they rarely use their feet to play ? Why do you put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase ? What if there were no hypothetical situations ? Why does an alarm clock said to go " off " when it actually turns on ? Why are they stairs inside but steps outside ? How does a fish sleep ? Why are feet smelly and noses runny ? Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off ? No , this isn 't an address . I am referring to the two presidents and their assasinations . I saw this on the internet somewhere and it made me go hmmm . The incidence of coincidence is so prevalent , that it cannot be considered coincidence . Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846 . John F . Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946 . Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860 . John F . Kennedy was elected President in 1960 . The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters . Both were particularly concerned with civil rights . Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House . Both Presidents were shot on a Friday . Both were shot in the head . Both were shot in the presence of their wives . The Secretary of each President warned them not to go to the theater and to Dallas , respectively . Lincoln 's Secretary was named Kennedy . Kennedy 's Secretary was named Lincoln . Both were assassinated by Southerners . Both were succeeded by Southerners . Both successors were named Johnson . Andrew Johnson , who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808 . Lyndon Johnson , who succeeded Kennedy , was born in 1908 . John Wilkes Booth , who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839 . Lee Harvey Oswald , who assassinated Kennedy , was born in 1939 . Both assassins were known by their three names . Both names have 15 letters . Booth ran from the theater and was captured in a warehouse . Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theater . To cap it all off , Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trial . Whoaaa ! Do - di - do . My wife told me a long time ago that the sounds of me flossing my teeth really annoy her . I think this is just one of those idiosyncrasies of our spouses that we have to deal with . Or I should say that she will have to deal with because I don 't know how to floss any differently . Actually , I try to go somewhere else to floss so she won 't have to hear it . But , when she is nearby I am always conscious of the sounds of my flossing and try to not be so annoying . I was thinking the other day of how my wife 's comments about such a little thing had such a sub - conscious affect on me that I remember it most every day when I floss . This is just a silly illustration and hopefully gave you a laugh at my expense , but it made me think about the power we have with the words that we say . This can be power for good or for eeevil ( it has more affect when you say it like this ) . What are some examples of using our words for good ? The supreme example I guess would be sharing with someone about Jesus Christ . It is always good when we share about the love that He showed to us in dying on the cross to forgive our sins so that we could be reconciled and have a relationship with God and live eternally with Him . Also , we can do good with our words when we use them to encourage someone ( see Ephesians 4 : 29 ) . What are some examples of our words being used for eeevil ? We can use our words for evil when we criticize others , or when we gossip , or slander , or just saying mean things , or when we use foul language ( see James 3 ) . Now sometimes it is necessary to be critical of others when it is done constructively with the intent to help someone for their own good ( for example , to not be so annoying when flossing your teeth : ) . So be careful of the words you say both verbally and written ( ex . blog postings and comments ) because they can be very powerful and you can 't take them back . OK , some of these may be repeats , I didn 't take the time to go back and edit . Why do women wear evening gowns to go out at night ? Shouldn 't they be wearing night gowns ? When cheese gets it 's picture taken , what does it say ? Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites ? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV 's as " 4 's " ? Why are there locks on the door of stores that are open 24 / 7 365 days a year ? Why are there braille dots on a drive - through ATM keypad ? If you got in a cab and the driver drove backwards would he end up owing you money ? Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight ? When someone says " You know what they say . . . " Who are they ? Sean Fitzpatrick , but does Patrick fit Sean ? streetsign : " To the Braille Institute " . Who 's it for ? If you choke a Smurf , what color does it turn ? Why is the alphabet in that order ? Is it because of that song ? Is there another word for synonym ? If a cow laughs , does milk come out it 's nose ? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets ? If nothing sticks to teflon , then how do they make it stick to the pan ? Why don 't psychics predict the winning lottery numbers and retire ? Burps , do we learn the appropriateness of this from our families ? We have friends that the husband let 's out these huge belches and doesn 't blink an eye at it or say excuse me unless someone says something like Whoa or Wow that was a huge one . Our daughter who is still learning to talk well will let out a little burp and say " I burped , that was a big one " no matter if you barely could hear it . Like so many things she says , we try unsuccessfully to teach her manners saying that she needs to say excuse me but can 't help cracking up at what she just said . Another guy in my office you can hear let out a huge burp with no excuse me or anything else . He is also the one who when he sneezes is really loud , but really high pitched and shrill like he 's trying to sound like a girl or something . A joke my father - in - law told my kids one day : What color is a hiccup ( or burp ) ? It 's burple . I guess there are some father - in - law jokes out there . : ) Breast feedingKids too old , pumping at work . When we moved here almost 10 years ago , I came by myself to start my new job and my wife stayed behind to finish up the school year at the school where she taught and to sell our house . I was staying with the in - laws and going to church with them . Those were some tough days by the way . Thanks honey for all you went through . Anyway , I went to a young married couples ' fellowship our church had by myself . I was standing there near some people and I turn to talk to this one lady who was sitting next to me and whoa ! hold on ! turn your head ! She was sitting there breast feeding her infant right out in front of everybody . I can understand to some extent , but can 't you go to another room ? And if not , can 't you at least cover it up with a blanket ? I mean , she had no qualms about just . . . well you get the picture . She is very into the whole breast feeding thing and I guess she continue to breast feed her kids way too long in my opinion . I am pretty sure she was still breast feeding her son when he was like 2 or 3 years old ( maybe it was even older than that ) . We are talking mouths full of teeth . That is just wrong . Have you ever had a crazy idea for a business or a product to sell ? What are some of them ? Have you later seen where someone else did the same thing and were either very successful and you kick yourself for not going for it or they were a flop and you were so glad that you didn 't ? I remember visiting a mega sporting goods store where they had all these neat areas where you could try out the different products like a basketball court , a baseball pitching machine , even an artificial ski slope on a treadmill type thing . There was also a golf simulator where you hit the ball off a mat into a screen and your shot continues based on it 's speed and trajectory in this picture of a golf course . You could choose from several famous courses and even play a whole round keeping score etc . I thought this would be a great idea to have an arcade like store where someone could play a round for less than at a real course and get in some good practice in a fun way as compared to going to a range and hitting balls over and over . I think this would be very successful esp . in a cold weather climate where the golf season might be short . This wasn 't the case for me since the places I have lived have been warm weather climates . I even sent off for more information about these simulators and they were quite expensive so it would take some up front investment , but I still think it would be a good idea and I have yet to see any store like this . I am not the risk taker type to make a go at it though , so I am sure it will probably remain just a good idea . What are some words or phrases that you say that are different from other people you meet ? It may depend on the area of the country you are from or it may just be simple things that you and your family made up . One of these that was obvious for me was when I met my wife . She was from the Pacific NW which is where we live now and I was from Texas . I used to call any kind of soft drink Coke as in " Let 's go get a Coke " or " Do want a Coke with dinner ? " no matter if we were actually drinking Coke or not ( which usually it was my choice for a soft drink ) . We would then clarify if we wanted some other " flavor " . My wife and others from this area as well as other areas of the country use the term " Pop " to refer to soft drinks which comes from soda pop . What do you call soft drinks ? Do you have other examples ? Come up with something wild unbelievable " fact " and then say see comments for further information and say I totally made this up . Shows how you can 't believe everything you read on the internet . : ) I didn 't use this one . . . or did I ? I said I would go away from the blogging world , but did I really . What day are you reading this ? Remember , I got these from some other source so don 't blame me . : ) How come you play at a recital but recite at a play ? Why isn 't chocolate considered a vegetable since it comes from cocoa beans ? If you choke a Smurf , what color does it turn ? Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon ? What do chickens think we taste like ? What do people in China call their good plates ? What do you call a male ladybug ? What hair color do they put on the driver 's license of a bald man ? When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? When they first invented the clock , how did they know what time it was to set it to ? Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? Why don 't they call mustaches " mouthbrows ? " If it was a three hour cruise , why did Mrs . Howell have so many clothes with her ? How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn 't grow in it ? Why do we wait till a pig is dead to " cure " it ? Why do we wash bath towels ? Aren 't we clean when we use them ? What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious ? If , instead of talking to your plants , you yelled at them , would they still grow , only be troubled and insecure ? Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? Why do they report power outages on TV ? Is it possible to be totally partial ? Why doesn 't glue stick to the bottle ? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection ? Why doesn 't Tarzan have a beard ? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest , but ducks when you throw a revolver at him ? If people evolved from apes , why are there still apes ? See http : / / www . drdino . com / index . jsp for some real answers . Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it ? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white ? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale ? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try ? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that 's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over ? How come you never hear father - in - law jokes ? If at first you don 't succeed , shouposted by whaaaat ! at 10 : 12 AM | How we have tougher standards for schools and yet some of those graduating from high school seem to be dumber than ever . Give examples . Again , I couldn 't think of any at the time . Can you ? I got this idea while watching one of my favorite game shows called Street Smarts . It is where this former stand - up comedian , Frank Nicotero , goes out and asks people relatively simple questions and then the contestants in the studio try to guess who had the right answer , etc . It is hilarious , look it up on your cable lineup to see if you can watch it . I was reading recently about what our motives should be as Christians in our service to God . An example of the wrong motive can be found in Matthew 6 : 5 where Jesus was pointing out that the hypocritical Pharisees were praying " so that they may be seen by men " . Isn 't it interesting that it doesn 't say that they prayed to be heard by men ? Obviously the content of their prayer was not as important to them as their appearance was . If you are a Christian , do you have the right motives in your service ? You may need to ask yourself if it ever bothers you when no one notices your work or when someone else receives the credit . Our motive should be to advance the kingdom of God and for His glory alone and not ours . Who says that you can 't get anything for free anymore ? And why do people pay for things when they can get them for free ? Think of some examples : OK , I never got around to thinking of any . Can you ? Why do some people continue to do stupid things like getting drunk ? We went to a party our neighbors had for his 40th birthday last weekend . We left after 2 hours at about 6 that evening . The party went on and on until well past midnight . There was a lot of drinking and we saw guys lying in their front lawn and even saw a guy peeing outside on their fence . We were glad that our kids were able to sleep and didn 't see any of that . You would think that with all of the negative effects this causes like feeling terrible the next day with a hangover , not remembering much from the night before , possibly throwing up which is never a pleasant experience , making a fool of yourself , and not to mention all of the possible long - term effects that it can have to you physically as well as financially that they would learn and not do this again . Yet , some people continue to repeat this activity , some every weekend and some even more often . I am so glad that I have Christ in my life that I don 't need to turn to other things like this . Even so , as a Christian we can be just as stupid when God promises to bless us and we can have so much joy when we are obedient to Him and yet we constantly turn the other direction and disobey God 's Word which has all kinds of negative effects to our lives and we miss out on the blessings . Isn 't God awesome though that he still wants us back even when we have been disobedient and will forgive our sins and cleanse us ( I John 1 : 9 ) and that he desires so much to have a close relationship with us . All of this is possible only through the blood of Christ that he shed for us on the cross which covers our sins and allows us to come into the presence of God . If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares , why is there a song about him ? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time , but don ' tpoint to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is ? Why does your OB - GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they aregoing to look up there anyway ? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours ? They 're bothdogs ! If electricity comes from electrons , does morality come from morons ? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle , Twinkle Little Star have the same tune ? This is my dilemma . I have been " blogging " for about 5 months now and it has turned into quite a habit . The problem is that I do this while I am at work . My job has been very slow lately , so I am still able to get done all that needs to get done . I have been convicted that I really should not be doing this activity at work because I am not giving my time and best effort to my employer for which I am being compensated . Colossians 3 : 22 - 24 . Also , with all the benefits that come with the blogging which I will expound more on below , none of it would be worth losing my job over . I doubt that would happen unless I messed up some other way , but I don 't need to give them a reason to fire me . I could go on and on justifying and giving details of why I like to blog , but all would still lead me to conclude that I must go . I may pop in on occasion , but while I am at home and not at work . This is hard too because I really don 't have the free time nor do I want to take away from time spent with my family . Anyway here is a tribute to all those who I have been faithfully reading lately in hopes that if anyone stumbles across my site in the future they may find their way to some good quality posts . Thanks to all who have visited my site and esp . those who have added their comments which have made my posts even more fun to read . OK , here is another reason I must go . I had this huge post listing all the sites I go to with all these great things to say about each one and why I would go to their sites and I went to Save as Draft to then Publish and poof , it was gone . What a waste of time . Maybe I wasn 't supposed to post this in case I left someone out or said things that someone wouldn 't want . Oh well , I hit the recover post deal and got the first two paragraphs above back , so I decided instead of retyping all of that I would just refer you to my links on the right side . Some of the nice things I initially said were that it has been great meeting some great Christian brothers and sisters that I wish lived here so I could have real frienposted by whaaaat ! at 1 : 03 PM | I started using this search engine web site called yotophoto for finding free images with little or no restrictions on their use . I thought I would just type in " funny " and see what would come up . Out of the 66 photos , I chose these two to display today . For the photo on the left , I think it must be a new chain of restaurants that cater to those who can 't make up their mind what they want . For the photo on the right , I think it is just funny . Plus , maybe I can get back in to good graces with those I possibly offended with my Must Hate Dogs post . Have you ever heard it said that the reason God doesn 't give some of us an abundance of material riches is because we couldn 't handle all that comes with it and continue serving God and not let the money take His place ? My response is always " I 'd like to have at least a few hundred thousand to give it a try " . : ) I heard on the radio the other day about a millionaire who seems to have his priorities straight . He has a hugely successful business and lives on 10 % and gives the remaining 90 % to God . Now wouldn 't that be awesome if all the millionaires handled their material blessings that way ? Do you think this principle might be true with good looks too ? Think about it . How many gorgeous people do you know who are Christians ? Can you think of that many really strong Christians who are great looking ? And the few Christians who are great looking seem to have such a strong humble relationship with God that their looks don 't seem to be an issue . Vice - versa , aren 't some of the most beautiful people on the inside who love the Lord not really what the world would describe as knock - outs ? OK , maybe this is a reach to try to stereotype this way , but I think the next time I catch myself wishing I had the huge mansion or complaining about my lack of hair , big nose , and my numerous other physical imperfections , I need to thank God that He provides for all my needs and has given me a wonderful wife who loves me even with all my deficiencies in the looks department and a joy that doesn 't come from these worldly areas in life . I should just be thankful that I am an average looking middle - class guy and that I don 't have to worry about adding these " burdens " to the list of things that might interfere with my relationship with the Lord . Well one thing really . Last night ( actually at 3 : 37 this morning ) , our son came into our dark room and just stood next to our bed . He has done this before , I have no idea how he makes it through the dark hallway without hitting a wall or something . This time he actually poked my rib waking me from deep sleep and making me go " Ahhhh , you scared me . " Other times I have just felt his presence there and woke up to see him standing there . Startling to say the least . The funny thing is that I remember doing this as a kid and my wife does too . Is this just a common thing for kids to sneak into their parents ' rooms in the darkness and scare them ? Has this ever happened to you or do you remember doing this ? I just deleted most of the pictures I had uploaded to my blog . I left the liger since it wouldn 't be the same and these pics were emailed to me . My brother had just emailed me asking about the pics on my site and I was doing some looking up on Blogger here about this and noticed the deal about copyrights . I never really thought about it . I was just doing searches and saving the pictures to my computer and uploading them for my posts . I sure don 't want to get into trouble for something stupid like that so my site might not be as colorful in the future . Probably not very likely , but you never know with computers and codes tracking things and things . My wife has been helping this week with Vacation Bible School at our church and my son is attending . This is such a great ministry as it really is a great way to reach out to kids and their parents who would not normally consider coming to church . A great opportunity to share Jesus and His love . I really admire those who volunteer their time to help with this as it takes so much to put on . I have read several blogs that mention helping with Vacation Bible School . My coworker 's kids are going to VBS the same week that our church has it and one of my son 's friends that he asked to come with him to VBS said that he couldn 't because he was already going to VBS at another church , both different denominations than our church . Here is my question , are all Vacation Bible School 's the same or at least similar ? I know that there are different themes that they use at different churches , but are they all run the same way ? I remember going to VBS when I was a kid growing up in Texas and it sounds very similar to the way it is run at our church . The kids all line up outside under a sign and then parade in to the sanctuary for the opening . They all do the pledges to the flag , Christian flag , and Bible and emphasis is made about the memory verse for the week and an offering is taken . Some time during the morning , there is a break for Kool - Aid and cookies . Is this the way it is at VBS at your church ? What are the different ways that it is run or are they different ? Whaaaat 's up with men 's nicknames . There are some that are very common that just don 't make sense . For instance , using Dick for Richard . Why not call him Rich or maybe even Rick , but not Dick . I 'm sure those with that nickname would agree . Don 't you love this pic ( deleted ) of our VP , Richard B . Cheyney ? And how about calling Robert , Bob ? Why not Rob ? For Bob to be your nickname , wouldn 't your real name have to be Bobert ? What about Chuck being a nickname for Charles or Charlie . How did they come up with that ? And I was always confused with John F . Kennedy being nicknamed Jack . I guess I really don 't know Jack Kennedy . How about Bill for William , why not Will or Willy ? And how did they come up with Hank for Henry ? Well , I guess we can let this one go since calling him Hank Aaron sounds better than calling him by his real name . BTW - Did you know that in 1952 , Hank Aaron played for a Negro League baseball team called the Indianapolis Clowns ? Really , what 's in a name ? Can 't you hear it in the stands , " these guys are playing like a bunch of clowns " . Can you think of any other nicknames like this ? While on the subject of names , how about all of those androgynous names ? Why do parents do this to their poor children ? Why not pick names that are clearly male or female ? Here is a quick list of ones I can think of , you list any more that come to mind . Pat , Terry , Kelly , Tracy , Lee ; ) , Erin , Kerry , Taylor , Cameron , Adrian , Madison , Riley , Chris , Morgan , Jamie and Jordan . Whaaaat ! How can you say that about man 's best friend ? I really was just using the opposite title of the movie that is coming out called " Must Love Dogs " for this post . I say that , but really I don 't like dogs too much , especially lately . And it 's not just dogs ; I 'm not really fond of cats either . Let me explain my reasoning before the majority of you get all hot under the dog collar . My son has tested to be highly allergic to dogs and cats . More specifically their dander I guess . He had a high reaction when the allergy doctor tested him . Of course , he had even worse reactions to grass and weeds but dog and esp . cat were way up there too . I read on my brother 's blog awhile back about a product that is one of his favorite things called dog repel or something like that . He liked it because it keeps other dogs off his property and I guess away from their own dogs . I laughed and commented that it sounds like a great product to apply to my son to keep the dogs away . Both my kids are also extremely scared of dogs . For my son , his fear most likely stems from two encounters he had that were horrifying for him . When he was like 2 or 3 , our neighbor 's German Shepherd was outside in the front lawn and when my son opened the door it was right in front of him and started barking . The second encounter was with a little yippy excuse for a dog that some other neighbors have that likes to jump up on you and pushes little kids down and actually bit our son on the ankle . Now any time we go for a walk or see a dog somewhere , he gets very nervous and wants to run away . I can 't blame him . I 'm not sure why my daughter seems so scared of them too , maybe just because of her brother 's reaction and she is still very young . Just yesterday , she was in our neighbor 's house with my wife when the German Shepherd all of a sudden appeared out of nowhere and she let out a high - pitched scream like she does so well . I think the dog didn 't know whether to come since her scream is so high - pitched or run away . He chose the latposted by whaaaat ! at 7 : 36 AM | My office is across the street from a health fitness racquet club . You know , one of those clubs that people belong where they spend a lot of money in order to make themselves feel guilty enough to go get some exercise . Just joking , I don 't intend to offend . We just don 't have the funds to belong to one ourselves , nor do we have the drive to get out and regularly exercise . Anyway , they have a pretty good sized swimming pool right across the street from my work . During the fall and winter months , they have it covered with a big canvas bubble like thing . When spring rolls around , they take off the cover . My personal office is on the opposite side of our building , so when I walk by our front glass door or go outside for something during the day , I have to admit that I take a look over there and every once in awhile I am fortunate enough to see some babe in a bikini . Ouwwwch ! That was my wife elbowing me to stop looking . You know the pool scene . You have the kids who are the main ones who are actually in the pool swimming and playing . The adult serious swimmers come at a different time when they have the pool reserved for swimming laps . Then you have some of the moms of the kids who most of the time are just trying to stay out of the heat reading a book or something . And then of course you have the occasional babe in a bikini . Wack ! OK , I deserved that one up side the head . You know the type . These girls just lay out getting skin cancer … err I mean getting a tan . Now , I assume there are some hunky guys that show up there too for the same reason , but honestly I have never noticed them . But the worst thing and that which makes me go hmmm is the old guys that will show up wearing nothing but a little Speedo swimsuit . Arrrgh . What are they thinking ? With fat rolls covering up half of it , and unmentionable bulges that you really don 't want to see and their bun cheeks hanging out the back . I really don 't think any guy should be wearing this small of a swimsuit , but especially not old and out of shape guys . A sight you wisposted by whaaaat ! at 7 : 59 AM | Name : whaaaat ! Location : Pacific NW , United States I am a sinner who has been redeemed by the grace of God through the death of His son Jesus Christ , who has not only assured me of salvation and eternal life , but also is giving me joy and satisfying life as I try to make Him Lord of every part of my life . I have a wonderful wife of 17 years and we are blessed to have two marvelous kids , a son and a daughter .
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Gem ¨ it really IS fruit juice . Kind of . . . grapes are fruit , right ? In wine production process , grapes are first squeezed and this juice is called " mo ¨ t " ; it is sweet at the beginning and as it turns into wine , becomes more and more sour . Some people drink it mixed with sparkling mineral water , and yes - I can approve that Frank correctly found out what " gemi ¨ t " is . It took me three hours Friday morning and three spools of trimmer line to cut the grass and weeds in my backyard with a string trimmer . My back is still killing me . I had to do this about a month ago in February and expect to have to continue monthly . My backyard is steeply sloped in some places and very uneven , so I have to use a string trimmer , not a lawn mower . I have a 540 square foot enclosure outisde the back door , so the cats can go outside safely . It is level and easy to string trim , not a big enough area to bother with a mower . One of my cats is allergic to the bermuda grass that I had in it , so I replaced it with fescue sod and it seems to be doing reasonably well so far . The whole property is about 1 / 4 acre . I am constantly looking for lower - maintenance solutions that take less time , less energy , less water , and so on . I have planted iceplant in some areas of the backyard . The iceplant doesn 't have to be mowed or string - trimmed , it grows dense , survives when it is hot and dry , and very few weeds or grass manage to grow among it . I do have to use the shovel to trim it from around the stepping stone path periodically though and it attracts a lot of bees , especially when it is warm and sunny . It is supposed to be easy to plant , grow upwards slowly , so you don 't have to mow often , spread sideways rapidly so that it chokes out weeds and other grasses , require little water , and is tolerant to cold , heat , and insects . Has anybody ever tried this stuff ? I have tried other things , like dichondra , put a lot of work into it , had it looking good , then had the whole thing suddenly die from flea beetles . I have also tried dwarf mondo grass , but found that it spread too slowly . So , I am looking for anyone who has tried zoysia grass or has a better idea . I don 't want to use Bermuda grass because of my cat 's allergies and the front yard is on the west side of the house where it gets full afternoon sun , so I don 't think the fescue grass would do well there , and I don 't want iceplant or a lawn full of wildflowers in the front yard either . Right now I have a mixture of various grasses , a little dichondra growing back in a few shady spots around the trees , and a lot of clover and weeds . It is getting more and more difficult to comply with conflicting regulations that require that you maintain a lawn and require that you reduce water usage . Where I live now , they are in the process of gradually doubling the water rates , by increasing it a little each month . There have been rumors of future rationing or restrictions on watering between certain hours or not allowing watering of lawns at all . What do you do when you are not allowed to water and your loan company can foreclose if you do not maintain your lawn ? Anyhow , for various reasons , water usage is one of the biggest concerns . However , I cannot just have dirt in my front yard or pave it over or put in artificial grass . I have considered getting a goat or some such thing , but rejected the idea . I think that having to care for the animal and worry about it would outweigh the benefits . My next door neighbors have four dogs that they let run loose all the time . Their dogs have killed all of their guinea pigs and rabbits , some of their chickens , and when their horse gave birth to its baby , the dogs killed the baby horse . I have no doubt that they would find a way over my fence and kill a sheep or goat or whatever and there is no way that I can put a wire mesh top over the whole backyard like I have over the enclosure for the cats outside the back door . I fear it may just be a matter of time before these dogs kill some kid walking to school or some old person . The woman told me when she moved in that she had to put another dog to sleep because it bit a little girl . These people have no idea how to raise animals or children or anything . The neighbors have proven to be quite a nuisance . I am getting very tired of the noise , the dogs , and the trash . One of their kids likes to smash things . His parents just let him do it and clean up after him . This evening the boy was smashing an old vacuum cleaner and something that looked like it might have been a fax machine or a printer while the parents were standing in the front yard , talking and watching . He did this in the corner of my front yard , leaving the pieces on my front yard . So , I went over and told him he needed to clean it up and he went back to playing . When I finished pulling up weeds and he still hadn 't cleaned it up , I headed for the neighbor 's house to talk to the parents . They saw me coming and went inside and closed the door , leaving the dogs in the front yard , apparently to prevent me from getting to the door and avoid talking to me , leaving me stuck dealing with their unruly kid . So , I called the kid over and told him again that he needed to clean it up and stood in front of it and waited for him to do so . He asked where he should put it . I pointed out where the fence and the property line are and said that it needed to be off of my property and on his property and that it is illegal to dispose of appliance and computer parts and such in the regular trash . They have to be taken to a household hazardous waste disposal . So , he picked up the pieces and put them on the other side of the property line in his front yard . I hope that tomorrow I do not find the pieces in my trash can , because if the trash truck comes and finds such things in my trash , I will get a citation for illegal disposal of hazardous waste . So , I plan to check my trash tomorrow morning . If I find it in there , I am prepared to get my step stool and my shovel and dig it out and fling it into their driveway . It seems like I just have to keep dealing with one thing after another . It is hard enough to get through each day without all of these unnecessary problems . A couple of weeks ago , I caught a former neighbor who moved out about five years ago , abandoning cats in my front yard . She drove up , got out with her carriers , took the cats out and put them through my gate into my front yard . I saw what was going on from inside and ran out and confronted her . I told her that she could not abandon the cats there and that it was illegal to do so . She also had dogs in the car with her . She mentioned something about her daughter working for some shelter where they kill them . I suspect that she may have been taking animals and abandoning them in various neighborhoods for years . I have been trying to figure out where all the stray cats and dogs have been coming from for years . The stray dogs end up killing the stray cats . Unfortunately , if you try to call law enforcement or animal control , it is just your word against theirs , so it is pointless . You know that song about " I see skies of blue and trees of green . . . and I think to myself what a wonderful world . " Well , I look outside and I see blue skies and green trees and I think to myself what a wonderful world it could be if it weren 't for a lot of the people in it . I look around and I see gang members , vandals , thiefs , and I think to myself what a screwed - up world . I have just had one unnecessary little thing after another to deal with in the midst of bigger problems lately , non - stop . I can 't even sit at home and have a peaceful Sunday . We all think that our neighbours are the worst and what , oh what did we do to deserve them . But reading a story about your neighbourhood , Barbara , I 'm very sorry you have to live next door to such kind of people . It is not only unpleasant - it is dangerous ! Most people have kids ( better or worse ) , but not all of them own deadly beasts . I certainly wouldn 't want to be afraid of someone 's dogs who already have learned how to kill . It sounds like a matter of days when a victim will no longer be an animal , but a human being . What a horror , what a terror ! One of them ( locally : Zagorec ) came to the States and found himself in a jail . Why , what happened ? He was in a bar and said : " Gemi ¨ t je bil laden " ( gemi ¨ t was served cold ) , but other guests interpreted it incorrectly and thought he has something in common with Bin Laden . So . . . No , just a system for monitoring and recording . I have had various combinations of motion detector , lights , camera , monitor and recorder , but they seem to break faster than I can replace them and it seems to always end up that one or more pieces is not working or pointing in the wrong direction and I have never been able to record anything , so that I could seek prosecution or restitution . I have gone from hard - wired to wireless and vcr to dvd with hard drive . The part that seems to fail the quickest is the recorder . I currently have a camera with a wide - angle lense , that sits in a window , is plugged into a nearby outlet , and has a wireless transmitter . I have a wireless receiver in the living room , that is plugged into an outlet , picks up the signal from the transmitter , and is connected to an old television set that displays the image . So , when I am at my desk in my living room , as I am now , I can just glance at the monitor to see my front yard , the front street , and my driveway , so I can see if the mail or any other delivery is arriving . You have to get to such things before the thieves do . Multiple neighbors have had problems with stolen mail . That is , when it gets delivered . For a while , the postman had so many problems with dogs on our street , that we got notices that we would have to pick up our mail at the post office for a while . I have received notices from gas , electric , and water meter readers asking me to contain my dogs so they can read the meters . I told them I don 't have any dogs and if there are dogs in my yard when they are trying to read the meter , then they need to call animal control . The television used as a monitor is connected to a dvd recorder with hard drive . The latest problem is that , although there are no saved recordings , it says " Timer Problem Detected ! " and " There is no space left . On - going recordings may have been interrupted . " I have tried various things , but it does not seem to be able to read its own disc . I am a programmer , not a hardware person and my knowledge of electronics is limited . Ideally , what I would like , is a system with multiple wireless color cameras capable of photographing in the dark , a split - screen or rotating display , and a continuous recording or programmable segments where the oldest could be periodically erased , capable of storing at least a few days worth . I also need to be able to copy any portion onto a disc that I can give to law enforcement or whoever . I also prefer that the pieces are independent and compatible with other systems and can use standard connections , like RCA , so that when one piece breaks , I just have to replace that one piece , not the whole system . I also don 't want to spend a fortune and want to be able to install everything myself and control everything from my home , not through some security company . Any ideas ? I like animals of various kinds and have had various animals at various times in my life : horses , dogs , cats , a rabbit , cockatiels , water turtles , and tropical fish . I currently only have a few elderly cats , ages 10 to 16 , and am hoping to outlive them so they are not left homeless when I am gone . The oldest cat I have ever had lived to 21 - 1 / 2 years old , which is comparable to a human over 100 years old . As I grow older , I have fewer days when I am healthy enough to do things and less money , so I have eliminated all social life and hobbies years ago and ceased replacing animals as they grow older and die off . When I had 2 dogs ( they got old and died in 1996 and 1997 ) , I was very careful to teach them not to hurt the cats , from when they were puppies , and never had a problem . Some people raise and care for lots of animals with no problems , while others either have no idea how to raise them or contain them or don 't care . Once an animal develops bad habits , it is very difficult to change them . It is especially hard when owners name their dog " killer " and encourage it to kill other dogs and animals . You have to blame the owner , not the dogs . There are certain streets , where you always see dead dogs along the edges of the roadway , more than you would expect to see from road accidents . It appears that some people are dumping the losers from dog fights and / or victims used for training . You usually see them after weekends . Everybody knows that animal control doesn 't work on Sundays , so that is when they have their fights and do their dumping . Although everybody sees where the dumping occurs and animal control must know , because they pick up the carcasses , I gather that they have not had anybody stake out the area at night to watch to see who is doing the dumping and trace them back to where the fights and training occur . I should point out that there are some good neighbors who have good animals that are raised properly and there are also some cute little kids , so it is not all negative . The day that I confronted the former neighbor abandoning cats , two other good neighbors from the cross - street also got involved and one agreed to take the cats . About a week ago , when I was in my backyard , I heard a commotion on the cross - street and spotted the cat - abandoning former neighbor having a loud conversation about cats with some woman . I couldn 't see or hear well enough to catch anything clearly other than , " Is this your cat ? " I gather that another neighbor may have caught her at it again . She may have figured that the house of the lady who agreed to take the cats she abandoned previously is a good place to abandon more . Her vehicle and the conversation were in front of the place next to that . I think the wife of the other good neighbor that previously got involved may have caught her . They are a nice retired couple with multiple animals ( horses , dogs , cats , ducks ) who are all well cared for . The neighborhood is sort of a mixture of nice older retirees with no children living at home and houses containing multiple families of young couples with children of various ages . Many of those speak little or no English ( Spanish only ) . They seem to move in with good intentions , but have more kids and animals than they can keep track of , and so they all run wild , and that 's where the problem starts . The kids join gangs and the dogs become killers and the parents either don 't realize there is a problem until it is too late to fix it or don 't care or just have no idea what to do and give up . Perhaps I have just become a grumpy old lady and need to find a retirement community to move to . I mentioned to one neighbor how I hate the so - called " rap music " that consists of nothing more than shouted profanities glorifying gang violence , played so loud that it rattles my windows , and how it puts me in a bad mood all day long . He said that I just don 't understand it and that previous generations did not appreciate the music of my generation . It is probably a good thing that my hearing is getting worse . I try to do most of my yardwork early each morning while the trouble - makers are still sleeping after being up late partying the night before , then spend the rest of the day and evening doing errands and sitting inside with my cats , my computer , and my television , and try to just ignore the outside world . You might think so , but no . Your average peace officer knows little or nothing about home surveillance systems . This has more to do with electronics than law enforcement . There are some highly specialized units that use some surveillance equipment , but it is either unavailable or inappropriate or not the best thing for home use . I think people who are into computers are more likely to have good recommendations for home electronics products , of which home computers and cameras and recording equipment are a part of . Obviously I could search online and ask at places like Radio Shack and I have done that , which is how I ended up with some of my previous systems . I have installed every system myself . The smaller they are , the easier it is . They make little tiny cameras now , that only require screwing a tiny bracket into your window frame . With wireless technology , you don 't have to string wires along base boards or over doorways or whatever , just plug them into a nearby electrical outlet . They also make some that are disguised as outdoor floodlights . You get what looks like a set of three lights . It looks like the center bulb is burnt out , but it is actually a camera . I certainly don 't need anybody to install anything for me , just advice on what products to purchase or not , hopefully based on someone 's experience and successes or failures . I know that some people record onto their computer hard disk . I don 't know if that is any better than using a DVD recorder with a hard drive . A dvd recorder with a hard drive is certainly cheaper and I really don 't want to tie up my only computer with constant recording . I know there are also some services that allow you to use a web cam to display and record images online . Some people use this to record the area that their pets are in while they are at work , so that they can connect to the internet at work and check on their pets from time to time . A significant drawback there is that the images are available for the whole word to see and I don 't know if I want anybody that wants to , watching what times I come and go from my house . Still looking for ideas . Unless anybody comes up with an idea of how to fix the old DVD recorder with hard drive , I will probably end up buying a new one . I am looking for recommendations for reliable brands . The old one is RCA . I am leaning toward Philips . Typical problems are that either the fan quits or for some unknown reason it ceases being able to read the hard drive despite attempts at reformatting or whatever . I would think there would be lots of people out there that use such systems , if not for home security , then for recording TV shows and such . Or , does everybody in the world use tivo or some such thing now ? That looks like an interesting idea . I 'll look into it . Thanks for the suggestion . That 's the kind of advice I 've been looking for .
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Search for : Where Will All the Stories Go ? A Conversation Between Laurens van der Post and P . L . Travers March 4 , 2015By Parabola Editors The following conversation - or as P . L . Travers calls it , a " coming together " - took place between two people who must certainly be well known to PARABOLA readers : African - born Laurens van der Post and Australian - born P . L . Travers , both of them lovers and guardians of story . Sir Laurens , recently Knighted by Her Majesty in recognition of his distinguished career as writer , soldier , and explorer , is the author of many books , including Venture into the Interior , Heart of the Hunter , The Dark Eyes of Africa , and Bar of Shadow . His fields of expertise are many and varied , and his friendships and enthusiasms have a wide range - from the Bushmen who influenced his childhood and whom he later sought out and celebrated in his famous book Lost World of the Kalahari , to C . G . Jung , whose close friend he became in Jung 's later years . Laurens , let us go back to the beginning of things . I have long carried this question - where , having come so far , will all the stories go ? Naturally , since it is your country , I am thinking specially of Africa . And I wonder , when everyone there has a gun and a television set , what will happen to the ancient lore ? Only today I was reading of the increasing number of suicides among those who leave the wild for the cities . Lacking the extended family , separated from the tribe , and therefore from the stories , what have they to lean upon ? Already the stories are becoming unavailable to those who need them most . Well , you know more about this than anyone , almost , in the world . Let us share it together . Ah , I do not believe that I know more about stories than you do , but I couldn 't love them more . And I love them because it seems to me that without stories , human beings wouldn 't be here . Human beings are a story ; they are living a story and anyone open to this story is living a part - perhaps all - of themselves . Well , I think that that is an impossibility . It is one of the great illusions of the literature and art and the life of our time that people like Tolkien are supposed to have " invented " myths . They have done nothing of the sort . They have substituted a sort of intellectual effort , a conscious determination - which they , quite wrongly , call myth - for this very profound process which cannot come from anywhere but out of life itself . It is something that falls into us . I have been very much concerned about this because , only recently , I was asked to say something about Descartes ' famous statement - " I think , therefore , I am . " There , it seems to me , is the beginning of the fatal hubris of our time . Of course , there is an area in which we think - who could deny it ? - but , really , all the most important aspects of thought come from that which is thinking through us . And this process is the myth , one of the most profound things of life ; it is creation itself , which becomes accessible and , in part , energizes and gives , of its own accord , a sense of direction to the human creature . It is something with which - we are in partnership . And the story is one of the roots of this area , this area from which myth arises , which sustains and feeds the human spirit and enables man , and life on earth , to be greater than it could otherwise have been . I thought it was appalling , phony and untrue to myth and even historically untrue . And what makes it so sad is that it comes out of the genuine longing of millions of people for roots , those millions of people who do not realize that in the most profound sense , we carry our roots within ourselves . They need not be physical roots , which is what this man has tries to provide , a phony kind of physical source for what , in a sense , is the super - physical , a hunger for roots in the myth . I would say that really we don 't even need that " super . " It exists . It courses in our blood , carried along from one generation to the next - wouldn 't you agree ? It 's the same with the word " supernatural . " For me , the natural includes the " super . " And this brings us to what you wrote in , I think , The Heart of the Hunter , where you say - or , rather , the Bushmen say - " We are dreamed by a dream . " Ah , I was very moved by that because , being in the company of a very ancient form of man , a Stone Age hunter in the Kalahari Desert , I was pressing him to tell me about the Beginning , his idea of the Beginning and the beginning of those stories you were speaking of . He looked at me in astonishment and said , " Well , that 's a very difficult thing because , you must know , there 's a dream dreaming us . " And this seemed to me to sum it up , to arrive , for instance , at the point where all explorers of the human spirit have begun - and also ended . It leads us to Shakespeare 's famous conclusion in The Tempest , one of the last plays he wrote , where he comes face to face with the fact that he has exhausted all his own powers , come to the frontiers of himself , where something other than what has brought him to this point must now carry him on . You remember the epilogue - And what is the distance between him and that little Stone Age man who had never before seen a white man and never heard of Shakespeare ? For his own myth inside him tells him : " Look out ! Watch ! Listen ! A dream is dreaming through you . " And this enriches him . It seems to me that this man , whom everybody else thought of as poor , despised , rejected , was rich in a way that we , without our technological abundance , are destitute . We have nothing , we are poverty - stricken . This , in a way , is like the Australian concept of the Dreaming , of which I know a little , having been brought up there . Everything that is not at this very instant - when we 're chopping wood or finding witchetty grubs - is in the Dreaming . I can go into the Dreaming and you can go into the Dreaming at any moment and be refreshed . The anthropologists call it the Dreamtime but that word " time " immediately makes things move serially , puts them into place and locality . The Aborigines speak of it as the Dreaming - in their tribal tongues , Yamminga or Dooghoor - and for them everything is there . It is similar to what the Celtic peoples mythically call the Cauldron . They cannot go further back in their thought than a great - grandfather , nor further forward than a great - grandson . Beyond these , all is in the Dreaming - the making of the world , the great days , the great heroes . I was reminded of all this when reading - oh what you - or the Bushmen , rather - call " tapping . " " There is a tapping in me . " Perhaps if Tolkien and the makers of Roots and all the other inventors of what cannot be invented could hear that tapping , listen for it as your Bushmen do , it could be in them as well , don 't you think ? Yes . It is very interesting that we have both instinctively picked up on Tolkien , because - though few realize it - Tolkien himself was born in Bushman country - at a place I know very well . And his own journey , his particular inward journey , began when , as a boy of eight , he had a vision of the evening star in the sky over Africa , that part of Africa which was ancient Bushman country . And to that extent he was sustained . It was those first eight African years that impelled him on his journey and aroused in him a sense of the importance of myth ; but not sufficiently strongly for him to approach myth in a spirit of humility , in the sense that he could have laid himself down and said : " Take over . Tell me what you 're about . " Instead , he began telling the myth what it was about and so , of course , it 's no longer mythology . It doesn 't work . As synonymous with a lie . I am constantly protesting against that . What would Mantis say , I wonder , Mantis who is one of the great embodiments of myth that you write of so often and that I remember , too , from childhood . For me she was simply a praying mantis , I did not know her as a mythical creature . But she filled me with a sense of wonder - the long narrow - waisted insect praying . I would stand for hours watching her , wondering when the prayer would end . But it never did . The saints must envy such energy ! And then , when I grew up , I found Mantis in your books and knew her - or him ? - for one of the Lordly Ones . Tell a little about that . Well , it 's almost impossible for me to see Mantis as apart from my own Beginning because of my early experience . One of the great influences in my life was a Stone Age nurse , far more important to me than my own parents . I remember , as a very little boy , hearing her talking with Mantis . She was asking , in the Bushman tongue , " How high is the water ? " And the mantis would put down its tiny hands . I saw the mantis doing this . And I protested to my nurse , " But , look , we 're not near any water . We 're a thousand miles from the sea . Why do you talk to Mantis about water ? Does water come out of the desert ? " " Well , " she said , " in the beginning , water was everywhere and Mantis was nearly drowned . And a bee came and rescued him and flew and flew all day long till the sun began to go down . Then the bee looked desperately round for a place where it could put Mantis and , suddenly , there it was ! A wonderful flower above the water , a flower we no longer see on this earth , and the bee put Mantis inside it . So Mantis was safe , for from there , under the power of his own wings , he could find a dry rock to sit on . " Ah , the bee ! It had to be in the story , the sacred creature that everywhere brings and symbolizes life . Do you remember how the bees stung you and tried to send you away from the place of the sacred tree , so that your presence should not profane it ? You first saw it in the swamp , remember , then in your dream , and again among those mysterious rocks that would not have their photographs taken . The bee was there , in that place of magic , where the paintings refused to go into the camera This is one of the strangest things that ever happened to me and it continues to haunt me . It 's as though there 's a parable in it , for , at that moment , not only myself , but the people for whom I was responsible , were in very grave danger . We were in a great treacherous swamp and one of my paddlers - we were using dugouts - was Samutchoso , a name meaning " That which is left after reaping " - I didn 't know what he was the so - called witch - doctor of my dugout people , the Makoros - and he said to me : " There 's something I ought to tell you . Out there in the desert there are some hills and in these hills , right inside them , there are many rooms , and in these rooms live the master spirits of all created life . And on top of these hills , there 's a pool of water that has never yet dried up ; and beside this pool there is a tree whose name we not only do not know , but are not allowed to try to know , a tree that has fruit on it and this fruit is the fruit of knowledge . " " Why are you telling me this ? " I asked . " " Ah , " he said , " that is for you to say . " " Well , if we get out of this alive , " I said , " will you take me there ? " " Yes , I will , " he said , " but on one condition - that on the way to the hills there is no shooting , no killing . It 's the law of their spirits - they are called Slippery Hills , the Tsoudilo Hills - that no one may come to them with blood on his hands . " Well , it so happened that I had a great deal of trouble getting out of the swamp and after that many difficulties to face . But when , many months later , I was free to go back , I myself remembered my pledge but , alas , I forgot to share it with the people who were traveling with me . So , on the way to the hills , with Samutchoso guiding us - I , as always , in the rear , for in the desert that is where trouble starts - one of those in front sighted a buck and , knowing that we needed food , shot it . I went cold when I heard those shots ring out and , seeing the expression on Samutchoso 's face , I said to myself , " Pray God , they 've missed ! " and to Samutchoso , " Forgive me . Don 't blame them . I forgot to tell them . " " It 's not for me to forgive , " he said . " Only the spirits can do that . " When we caught up with the others we found that , unfortunately , they had not missed but had killed two animals . And , when we eventually got to the hill , rising so extraordinarily out of the desert , we were in trouble from the moment we arrived . All night , with our camps pitched at the foot of the hills , hyenas and jackals and carrion crows cried like creatures out of The Valkyrie . But when my mechanic , who was also my tape - recordist , tried to record those noises , the machine - we had very primitive equipment , but the best that could then be had - simply wouldn 't work . It had been all right before , but now we could get nothing from it . And then , at dawn , just as were walking , we were suddenly attacked by hordes of bees , coming from all directions . One of my guides , on all my Kalahari journeys , a marvelous and blameless man who had been for three years in the desert with me , got forty - three stings and was very ill . Curiously enough , I , alone , was not stung . And the moment the sun rose , all the bees vanished . So , we set out to start filming on the way . Looming above the desert , we came across a large rock and on it a set of rock paintings which no human being - I mean the words in the European sense - had ever seen . " Film ! " I shouted , and the camera started to turn . Then , suddenly , it snapped ! It wouldn 't work . The photographer inserted another magazine . Again the thing started turning and again it snapped and went out . So it continued all the morning , magazine after magazine not working and , as a last straw , the pivot on which the magazine turned - it was a fine German Araflex camera - disintegrated . Imagine it - a thing of steel ! We were now without a camera but I still have in my possession such reels as we could save and it 's extraordinary how the shots start in frame , then gradually the frame narrows and - the stops . " Here , " said Samutchoso , " is the place where the first spirit knelt when he prayed to the tree to take care of all that had been created . I will show you how he prayed . " And he knelt down in the two marks and was about to raise his hands in prayer , when he fell back , shocked , his face ashen . " The spirits have tried to kill me , " he cried , and hurried us away , back to the camp , not permitting us to pluck any of the fruit in order that it could be identified . " No ! We are not allowed to take it , " he said . " The spirits are very angry . " That night , the recorder again refused to work and the next day we were again assailed by bees . We were all of us in such a state about this that I even began to wonder whether my Landrover could be persuaded to start . For three days we tried to get camera and recorder working - nothing doing , nothing . Yes . And I was at my wits ' end . So I walked out , in the evening , to be on my own , taking my gun - it was dangerous country - simply for protection . I walked for miles round the base of the hills and suddenly , out of them , stepped an enormous Kudu bull , a marvelous animal ; it really seemed to me like a god , in the level light of the sun . I looked at it and it looked back at me , absolutely without fear , as though in that look it was trying to tell me something . I was so moved by this that I gave it a military salute ; and it turned around and went into the bush and away back up the hill . As I returned to the camp , something happened in me that made me say to Samatchoso - " Suppose I wrote a letter to the spirits asking forgiveness and buried it at the foot of the first rock picture - a pair of hands impressed in paint on the rock - do you think that would help ? " In reply , he took a needle , asked me for a piece of cotton which he wound round his hand , then , putting the needle in the lifeline of his left hand , he gazed at it in a sort of trance . And suddenly it seemed as though he were seeing millions of beings around him , for he murmured to them " No , no , not you ! Nor you , nor you , but you over there , come here to me . " Apparently , whatever it was obeyed , for he communed with it for a long time and then came out of his trance , saying : " Yes , I think it might work , but the spirits are very angry with you . " I felt in my bones that this letter would need to be correct in every detail - even with place and time and date and a map reference as well . So I wrote , asking forgiveness for any unintentional disrespect we had shown , saying that this letter was an act of contrition not only on our own behalf but on that of others who might come after us . I made everybody sign it and those who could not , made their mark . " Really , Laurens , " said my hunter - a great friend and terribly English - " this is too ridiculous ! I simply can 't do a thing like this ! What if they hear of it at my club ? " But he signed , nevertheless , and I promised that the club would never know . So we rinsed out an old bottle , put the letter inside , and securely corked it , and Samutchoso and I went out at dawn and buried it at the foot of the hill . A feeling of some kind of catharsis came over me then , and I said to Samutchoso - " You brought us here . Can you tell me if it will be all right to take us back ? " " It 's not for me to say . You must ask the spirits . " And again he went through his motions with the needle . " The spirits say that all will be well now , but at this place to which you are going - ( I did not myself know , at the time , where we were going ) - you will meet more trouble . You must realize , however , that it belongs to the past . " They are not what they were because man is not what he was ! Though I can 't help feeling a little kindly towards the hunter who was afraid the club might get to hear of it ! That spirits could read an English letter and the marks of untutored men - who would believe that ? It takes an acquaintance with myth to recognize that what you did was an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual intention . Yes . And there 's a sequel . People now know from my books about this letter and the place where it was buried , and fly aircraft overhead to try to get a glimpse of the paintings . Immediately after my experience a German scientific expedition went to investigate them , and barged in with their trucks which were immediately destroyed by fire . So , it 's not just subjectivity . There is also objective evidence . And yet , knowing all this , and the spirit in which I had done it , they have dug up the bottle and it 's now in the museum at Botswana . That 's where the myth is , in museums , for most of us . Sacrilege . And I asked you where the stories go ! I can 't ask what we can do to get them back but know only that it has to be done . There must be a few men who understand the need for this . For instance , not long ago , I was told of three or four English doctors who had gone out to live with some African tribe to learn their methods of healing ; and how they discovered that this is not a matter of giving a medicine or an antidote to one sick person , but that it is , rather , a communal matter - the whole family , the whole tribe , is concerned with the healing ; feasting , dancing , sharing the sickness and the health among all . How could we bring such an activity to our world - such sharedness ? But perhaps something has started . Yes , that is probably a more accurate way of saying it . This process cannot be defeated ; life itself depends on it . I could tell you so many examples from the primitive world . Yes , that story is much to the point . Stories of the stars play a fantastic role in their lives , if you know how to decode them . You touch the spirit of Greece here . The Bushman 's origin of the Milky Way is very like the Greek . I once saw a Bushman woman holding up her child to the sky and asking that it be given the heart of a star . Ah , but , you know , it has to be , this borrowing . It 's not yours or mine . It 's there to be taken , a great big cauldron . One man takes something from it , another sees this and says " That 's true , that 's what I want . " So he goes and takes it from the first man . I 'm not worried about this , it 's part of the general heritage . Yes , It 's only the miserable ego that steps in . In the Bushman story that child was to have the heart of a star because " the stars , " they say , " are great hunters . You can hear them on their courses up there . " And that hunting , as you know , is a symbol of the search for the story , for meaning . Baudelaire talks about art being the summons on the horn of the hunter . " Les chasseurs perdus , dans les grands bois . " Lost in the great forest of life , they blast out the summons which is art , which is story . As a child in Australia , the stars seemed so close . I used to think I could hear them humming . I never told anyone , they would have laughed . But you do . You do hear them hum . " Listen , " my Bushmen would say , " they are hunting . " But to get back to the story of the woman with the basket ; it carries an immense mythological charge . The man , after feeling somehow that something was being stolen from him , saw one night a group of beautiful girls coming down from the sky on a cord . Each carried a little tightly woven basket . And one of them he caught . " Yes , " she said , " I will live with you , on condition that you never look inside my basket without my permission . " He agreed , but , inevitably , he said " What the hell ! " or the Stone Age equivalent of the phrase . And one day , when he was alone , he opened the basket , peeped inside and roared with laughter . " You have looked into the basket ! " she accused him , when she returned . " Yes , you silly woman , why make such a secret of it when there is nothing in it ? The basket 's empty . " " You saw nothing ? " She gave him a tragic look , turned her back and disappeared into the sunset . And the Bushman who told me the story said to me , " it wasn 't the looking but the fact that he could not perceive in the basket all the wonders she had brought him from the stars . " And that , for me , in a sense , is one of the images that the story is to the human spirit . The basket brings us its star - stuff and the pundits - the intellectuals and the critics - look into it and say it 's all rubbish and superstition , and that there 's nothing in it . Would you accept a carpetbag coming from the stars ? I had never read your story , but when Mary Poppins arrived , the children looked into her carpetbag and , like your Bushman , found it empty . And yet out of it came all her mundane daily possessions , including a camp bed ! Did all that come from the stars ? We do not know . Emptiness is fullness . It is , it is . And I think the use of a carpetbag is a wonderful example of what I mean by making a traditional story contemporary . That carpetbag had , in fact , a magic carpet inside . Yes , but disguised . And from where was the magic carpet stolen ? Out of the cauldron , of course ! For instance , your film on the Kalahari gave me the ostrich egg , which also must have come from there . The ostrich was such a forgetful bird , you said , that she had to put one egg in front of her outside the nest to remind her of what she was doing . Later , when I was listening to the Greek Easter service on the radio , a reporter described the monks filing in , with eyes downcast , all except one , who was gazing round at the congregation . " Clearly , " said the reporter , " he had forgotten the ostrich egg hanging over the altar . " But how , I wondered , had the ostrich egg got there ? I sensed a myth in the air . Years later , seeing a group of Coptic churches on television , all with ostrich eggs strung across the ceiling , my question arose again . I wrote to the producer , who told me that there were two schools of thought here , one that says the ostrich is a forgetful bird and another that of all the birds she is the most remembering . So , does she remember or does she forget ? It almost doesn 't matter . The egg , in both cases , is the reminder , and the link between my three experiences . Yes , yes , the link . However much we try to deny it , the dream goes dreaming through us . Deep in the spirit of European man there is an ostrich and it lives heraldically . Our Prince of Wales has three ostrich feathers in his crest ; in Stone Age mythology , the moon was made out of the feather of an ostrich . So the ostrich , in a sense , is Prometheus , the bird from which man , Mantis and the god - hero stole the fire and brought it to man . But there 's a sequel to my egg story . Hearing it , a Jungian analyst we both know have me an ostrich egg to take with me to America . And while I was there it sat on my bookshelf , sometimes but , alas , not always , remembered . And when I was leaving for England , it seemed to me that it said " Don 't take me ! " So I gave it to the Dean of the Cathedral Church of St . John the Divine in New York who thought it would look well on his mantelpiece . But I knew it wouldn 't stay there . The egg would go where it belonged . And it did . The next time I saw it , on another trip , it was hanging in the Cathedral , above the altar of St . Saviour 's Chapel . There 's a story for you ! It hatches great birds ! And how it was laid is not to be known . You will find this determination among instinctive people not to try to carry an act of knowing too far . They say , " This is where we must stop . " And then they let the myth take over and wait till it tells them what else there is . That is what I 've always found . We must stand in front of the mystery . " Take upon us , " as Lear said . " the mystery of things as if we were God 's spies . " We have ancestors . Long ago I sat at the feet of a Japanese storyteller and he began with " Once Upon a Time . " And years later , in a night of great turmoil , the expression on his face when he said those words came back to me .
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Nobody wants to talk about what Pa did to me . Mama and I sway on the porch swing , drinking the sun - brewed iced tea she made with her Tetley tea bags , sweetened with cane sugar and chilled with ice from our cracked freezer tray . We talk about the weather . Well , Mama is talking about the weather . If it was up to me , there would be no talking . During our talks , her gaze flits around , never settling on anything for too long . Definitely not my eyes and especially not my stomach . She can 't look at me without getting that pained , watery gaze . I think she must not like shutting her eyes , either , because there are dark circles under them . The words mean to fill the air between us . Time seems to stand still these days , as though time itself were as lazy as the summer days are long . I stare at the muted day and pale sky , the dirt roads and faded grass . Forever in the sun , the dusty , bluish - white paint peels away from the decaying oak boards of our porch . The muggy air , dead of a breeze , makes my skin itch . The weather 's just another pressure in my life , suffocating me , and the swell of my uterus against my lungs isn 't helping . I don 't like Georgia summers . They smell like animal piss and cut grass and wet concrete cooking in the sun . But it 's not just the summers . I don 't like anything about Georgia . Georgia is a black hole - the home of the Darkness . Home of the shadows that scurry in my periphery . They always stay to the sides , stay where I can 't look them in the eye . Only the edge of my vision catches the figures gliding past , but they are gone the moment I turn to look . They are here now , too . Always . Ever since that car accident my Pa and I should have died in all those years ago . I glimpse a shadow behind the window , inside our house , peeking through the blinds . I turn my head , and there 's nothing there , nothing but the blinds moving lightly . Another shadow crouches behind Mama 's rose bushes on the other side of the porch rails . This shadow - man crowds the edges of my vision , watching me . If I look straight at him , he 'll be gone , so instead I watch in this way , from the corners of my eyes . Not afraid anymore . Only aware . When I 'm tired of being stared at , I glance over . All that 's there are Mama 's strawberry plants , about to be overcome by the vines crawling along our porch , and a few bumble bees buzzing as they mate in the air above . A praying mantis feasts on a butterfly 's cocoon attached to one of the porch spindles , just beside where an old rope loops around one of the rail posts . In the crawlspace below , animal traps snuff the light of small and innocent creatures . Sometimes I hear them scratching to get free . Scratch , scratch , scratch . . . silence . I wonder if Mama can see my overripe stomach from the corners of her vision the same as I see the shadow men . If she looked , would it all go away ? It 's probably too late for Mama to look now . As I sip my tea , Mama talks about the cloudless day . But it 's not really a cloudless day . If Mama would look to the horizon , she would see the coal black storm clouds rolling in , casting our sunny day in a dreariness that seems more fitting for our life . But clouds are something nice to talk about . Better than talking about the swell of my stomach , or the way even my face and ankles have gotten plump . ' Still a skinny little thing , ' Mrs . Kelly says , when she passes our porch on her morning rounds . ' It 's in your bones . ' She probably thinks I 'm an easy girl , got knocked up six months before my eighteenth birthday in the bed of some young man 's pickup truck . No one 's going to tell her otherwise . But we can 't just ignore what 's coming . Today has been a constant reminder , my abdomen so swollen that it crushes my stomach , quelling my appetite completely . Off and on , sharp pains have been stiffening all around my midsection and cramping in my back . I take a sip of my sweet tea , even though I 'm not a bit thirsty . " When the baby - " I start , but Mama 's mouth smiles in a silencing way . She keeps touching her face , like she always does when she 's anxious . So much so that , lately , sores have appeared along her jaw . Her lips so bitten as to scab . It 's like she 's in there , somewhere , still a mother enough to worry - but part of her mind and soul have been taken . Like her body isn 't her own anymore . I close my eyes , wishing myself away from here . One day it will just me and my baby , Anna , and life will be better . One day soon . God , please let it be one day soon . " You used to play in those fields , " Mama says . She chews the inside of her cheek and nods to the hills across the street , to the waves of wheatgrass seeded with wild flowers . Closer to the road , poppy flowers grow in bright clusters that make the roadside more vibrant , even in the dull light of our cloudy day . I don 't say anything . Mama doesn 't mind if I 'm quiet . I just have to nod along as she tells her stories , as she lives in the past , talking about how Pa used to take me to the carnival and how Pa used to braid my hair and how Pa used to take me to see the horses . I think it makes her feel better . I 'm old enough to know I should be angry with her . Old enough to think she could 've stopped him . But I 'm not mad , and I don 't blame her . It was the Darkness that did this to our family . They took Pa when I was twelve . Made him different , first with his unnerving stares and discomforting touches . Then something more . The Darkness blinded Mama , or trapped her somehow . But the Darkness never took me , not directly . Mama and I sip from our glasses and pick at last night 's crumbling cornbread until the late afternoon light reddens the porch . A lot of days , when we 're sitting out here , she knits , but never anything useful . It 's just to keep her hands busy , like pearling together some doilies or another pair of oven mitts . She has a lot of those . After much sitting and sipping and pointless conversation , Pa comes home . Mama 's smile falls away , and she gets quiet and carries the pitcher of tea inside . I follow her , catching my balance on the doorframe as I step over the threshold into the house . The floorboards seem more uneven today , and a queasiness tumbles through me . Shaky from heat and discomfort , I head to the bathroom to run a cold bath . The shush of the water is soothing . I lock the door and sit on the bathroom rug , leaning back against the wall . I won 't miss this place . When little Anna comes , I 'll take her away from here . I 'll need to get my own pitcher for tea , and some clothes for her , and some diapers and pins . And of course a real crib , not that box I 've set up in my room . Then there 's those little booties and caps . . . . At any rate , we 'll make do . I 'll give her a childhood where fairytales can happen in our backyard . All little girls like fairytales . Even me . And I know I 'm having a girl , for sure , because I 'm carrying high and craving sweets , and Mrs . Kelly says that 's why I look such a mess . I 'll take Anna north to Seaside , with the cookie - cutter cottages right on the beach . Nobody will look for me in Jersey . Jersey is so . . . unromantic . The kind of place people go only because they have to , to visit family or take a job . It 's exactly what I need . I ran away once . Of course I did . Snuck out of the house late at night with a sack of clothes and some money I stole from Pa 's jar in the kitchen . He doesn 't keep a jar no more . I was going to get away to where he couldn 't hurt me - to where the Darkness couldn 't make him do those things to me . My bike took me two towns over before the cops picked me up . If not for them , I would have gotten away . I begged them not to return me home ; I pleaded , I told them everything . Everything - the things I could bring myself to say and the things I hoped implied what I couldn 't say . I shook my head . Tried to shake the reality away . It didn 't work . Soon I was home , my Pa apologizing to the police for all the wrong things . Apologizing on my behalf , like I was the one who done wrong . Same way he 'd convinced the school my missed days were from me playing hooky , as though I 'd chosen to stay home . As if he weren 't keeping me there to hide the bruises . The next morning , Pa smashed my bike . He drug Mama in my room by her hair . Pa had never hurt Mama before , but today he stood , blocking my doorway , and pounded on her until her eyes were black and her mouth was bleeding . It wasn 't until Pa knocked me up that I decided I could live with that . The whole world had already betrayed me . I was done helping others . Now I was going to focus on Anna and myself , no matter how selfish that may be . I don 't care what people think . What did I have to lose ? My good name ? Pa had already stolen that from me . The only thing left now was my humanity - and what was the point in having humanity in a world with none ? Yes , I could leave - I could risk losing my humanity - if it meant Pa would never have the chance to hurt my baby , my Anna . She was my responsibility above all else now . Nothing else mattered anymore . How had life brought me here ? I used to think everyone had a right to freedom over their own body . Now I realize that 's something you have to fight for . Because if you don 't take control over your body , someone else will . This right over my body was never free , and taking ownership back will come with a cost . Perhaps the cost will be Ma 's life . But leaving is my only hope . My pregnancy has not leftj me well fit to travel , so here I am , waiting for Anna to come so we can escape together . I might not have the money , but I 'll find a way . I 'll hike down to the train station and go wherever . Anywhere is better than here . And now that I 'm an adult , the cops can 't stop me . I 'm tossing and turning on a lumpy mattress when my water breaks . I still myself . I don 't want my water to break now . Not tonight , not while Pa is home . I 'll never be able to get away with the baby then . The moonlight looks bluish on my walls as I lie here , staring at the paisley wallpaper that 's curling away from a fist - sized hole in the plaster . It was pretty once , cream colored and soft blues and greens and yellows and pink . The night is mostly quiet , just the hum of my fan and a rattlesnake hissing outside my window . My eyes sting from lack of sleep , and the room feels impossibly humid . My hair is so damp from sweat that it has darkened to the color of blood against my cream pillowcase . The electric fan on my dresser does little more than push a musky odor around the room . I hope I 'm wrong - that my water hasn 't broken . That I 've just pissed myself . If Anna can wait until morning , wait until Pa leaves for work , everything will be okay . The shadow men are in a frenzy tonight . They whip past my bedroom window , crouch in the corners of my room , hover near the ceiling , outside my window , and in the hall outside my door . They scurry away each time I look , each time I try to catch them with my gaze . Usually I ignore them , but I don 't want them here anymore than I want Pa here . I keep looking at them , hoping to make them disappear , but tonight they do not leave . They move , they move , they move , but still they remain , crowding me in darkness . Somewhere in the distance , glass breaks , and part of me wonders if it 's them - if the Darkness can touch things now . Maybe I 'm insane , like Aunt Myrna . For two hours , I shift between sleep and consciousness . I keep falling into that place in my mind , the place I always hide when Pa comes into my room . I couldn 't let him kill whatever soul I had left ; I had to escape in some way , save some part of me , the part of me I call Cordovae . Now here , in this place I can only dream of , I spread my arms and lift my head and twirl around , untouched , unharmed . It 's my prison and my protection , where only those who know my heart can reach me . I 'm safe here . But then the pains begin , ripping me from that world . Bringing me back to the unfortunate life I was born into . At first , I feel the way my stomach hardens , the way it squeezes around my little Anna . But as the night drifts deeper , the pain intensifies and spreads through my entire body . I can 't quiet my breathing . I close my eyes and try to envision the cramps disappearing , but I can 't think straight . I hum the only lullaby I know , the one Pa always yells at me for humming . " That ain 't no damn song I ever heard , " he always says . But I know the song , and it 's as familiar as the sun rising . The pain shakes my body , and I let out a long , low groan . I don 't want to make any noise . I try using a painting I 've made for Anna as a focal point . I 'd mixed the juice of raspberries and blueberries with glue and painted the mixture over leaves on paper and pressed sticks and small pebbles into the blue and red and purple swirls , until I 'd created for us our future - a dream of a cottage in the woods where no one would ever find us . Footsteps rush through the hall . On flicks a light , yellow and brassy , illuminating my bare room in a way that makes it feel colder . Ma 's expression falls , and she hurries to my side and holds my hand . I wish she 'd stop running her fingers through her hair . It makes me nervous . " Rose . Oh , God , Rose . I 'm sorry . It 's going to be okay . It 's going to be okay , baby , Mama 's here now . " I don 't respond . Pa stands in the doorway , still dressed in the dark denim pants he 'd put on after his shift at the farm . Sleep - marks carve the left cheek of his face and his short black hair - past - due a haircut and just long enough to get messy - sticks up on one side . My heart skips to near racing . It 's so loud in my ears I swear Pa can hear , too . " Evelyn , " he says coolly . " Get the rum and a glass of water . " She keeps staring at me , swallowing , looking at least a decade older than her forty - three years . In this light , her nose looks especially crooked from all the times it 's been broken . But my Pa didn 't do that to her - no , her own Pa was to blame for that . She swallows again , and now I 'm feeling the urge to swallow , too , but my mouth and throat are too dry . It takes me a moment , but I realize why she 's still standing there . She 's wants to protect me . Little late for that . Mama startles , and I startle , too . Everyone startles when Pa yells because his eyes get bigger and darker and his face gets pinker . As Mama darts from the room , my skin gets all shivery . I close my eyes and wish Mama was back , but when I open them , it 's still just Pa and me . I 'm shaking so much it makes the pale , painted - yellow headboard of my bed rattle against the wall . Two of the Dark Ones step closer to Pa . Step right into my direct line of sight . Dark , faceless figures . I gasp . I 've never seen them so directly . But before I can react any further , another contraction crests , wracking my body with a new wave of pain . A coolness caresses my forehead . " It 's okay , Rose . Breathe . " The voice had come from behind me . One of the Darkness . They had never spoken to me before . Why do they care about me now , after having caused me so much pain ? Pa steps toward me , but they grab his arms , pinning him in place . He doesn 't seem to see them . No one sees them but me . Pa 's brow furrows , and he shakes his head . " Where 's your damn Mother ? " he asks . He 's been drinking . He 's always drinking when he 's home , and now my room smells like whiskey . He turns toward the open bedroom door . " Evelyn ! " Pa came from a family of nine kids , and his Mama didn 't believe in hospitals . Not even when some of her babies caught cholera , not even after she lost a few to cot death . So Pa could do this , like Mama says , but I don 't want him to . I don 't want him to ever touch Anna . Pa turns away . Leaves . The pressure overwhelms my body . I just need to get to a hospital , but I don 't think there 's time for that now . " I need to push , Mama . " Mama rushes to my bedside and holds the water to my lips . She 's trembling , water splashing onto my chin , but I shake my head . My mouth 's dry , but even the idea of drinking sounds painful . " Now , " I say . " The baby 's coming now . " She sets the glass on the nightstand . " I can 't , " she says . She backs away , tears filling her eyes . " I - I 'm sorry , Rose . I can 't . " She shakes her head and keeps backing away until she reaches the door , tears spilling down her bony cheeks . Then she turns , and all that is left of her is the clomp of her footsteps hurrying down the hall . Hurrying away . A door shuts . A lock clicks . Mama 's shut down again , the way she always does when things are just ' too much to take ' . I shouldn 't care . I hadn 't wanted them here . But now I 'm terrified . I don 't know how to deliver a baby . The woman up the road - I grit my teeth and cry to myself . The pain rips through me . I feel like I 'm dying . I can 't take anymore . My body trembles through every limb , and nausea quakes in my stomach . Then it 's gone , and I 'm thinking of the woman up the road again . Fear replaces my pain . She hadn 't known how to deliver a baby either ; I can 't let my Anna die like her baby did . I should 've gone to the hospital , taken myself if I had to . After another strong contraction passes , I try to get out of bed . Maybe there 's still enough time . I 'll take the keys to Pa 's truck from the hook by the door and - I 'm not going anywhere . I can 't even get back on the bed . Everything is happening too fast , and at the same time , the pain seems to stretch on for eternity . I just want to have my baby safely - have her and get her far away from this place . Sobs echo from the other room , and I realize I 'm crying , too . It 's just me here now . Me and the Darkness and my baby , my Anna , coming into the horrifying world that doesn 't deserve her .
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This past Sunday was Ironman Lake Placid and a number of members from my tri club went up , most to compete and a few more to volunteer . I went to volunteer in order to register for next year and man was it an experience ! Here 's a quick recap . . . Once I discovered that registration wasn 't until Monday morning , I opted for an afternoon volunteer slot so I didn 't have to be up mad early . I got to Lake Placid around 10 : 00am . I went straight to transition and snapped a photo of the empty finisher 's chute . Scroll down to see the " after " photo of the finisher 's chute at midnight . This is Andy Potts crushing the competition . Potts was roughly 5 - 6 minutes ahead on his first loop and increased that to 11 minutes on his second loop . No one could touch him Sunday ; fastest swim , bike , AND run legs . I got to see a lot of my friends come through their first lap . Did they hear me screaming , who knows ! But I got them on the run course for sure ! I then headed out to Run Aid Station # 3 for my shift . I have to say that it was so much more fun than I expected . As an athlete , it 's much easier to do a job knowing that it 's appreciated . You could tell that we didn 't have as many volunteers as they needed , but we worked our butts off and made the best of it . Aid Station # 3 I also got to see all my friends come through . Plenty of cheering went on . The only thing I was surprised about was that we did not have ice to hand out . Really ? I usually consider that a staple , but oh - well . The low point of the day was having an athlete come into our station and ask " Is there some place I can lie down ? " I knew immediately by the look in her face that she was near the end . She said she was getting dizzy and her feet had been asleep for 2 miles . She was completely with it , but her body was giving in . We layed her down and another volunteer who was a PTA sat with her until Medical came to pick her up . They gave her a blanket , an oxygen mask , and consoled her as much as possible while she cried saying " I just don 't want my day to be over . " She knew she wouldn 't make the cut off time since she was still on her first run loop , but it was heart - breaking all the same . I worked 2 : 30 to 8 : 30 and then headed back to transition . It was 10 : 00 by the time I got there and I was already falling asleep on my sore feet . I got some food at the volunteer tent and spent an hour " resting " on my chair . Then I met up with Lisa , a member of my tri club who also volunteered , and we watched the last hour of athletes coming in . Finish Line at 10 : 30pm They always say that the last hour is more exciting than the first ; they 're right . Every person coming in was beyond ecstatic to finish . Some found friends / family on the sidelines and hugged / kissed them . Some were tearing up . Others gave it a kick that made it look like they were still fresh . Then with about ten minutes left , Mike Reilly started walking up the finish line . . . You could tell he was trying to figure out whether the last few athletes would make it in or not . Then with two minutes left , Andy Potts goes running back out of the finish . " Where is he going ? " we all thought . Mike told us that the last athlete was a quarter mile out . We looked at the timer and thought " this is gonna ' be close . " Well , he didn 't make the cut - off , but got the best escort into the finish of the day . . . Sorry about the blur , but the guy was literally dragged / carried all the way to the finish line with Andy Potts ( in grey on the right ) cheering him on the whole way ! Sure , he didn 't make it in under the 17 - hour limit , but in my mind ( and plenty of others I 'm sure ) , he still finished . Then the real party began ! Lisa and I ( and about 20 - 30 others ) walked around the Lake Placid High School and got in line at the gymnasium to register for next year 's race . Now , registration was not slatted to begin until 9am . So we all brought our chairs , sleeping bags , and such and spent the night . Aren 't we a bunch of crazy people ! We had an Ironman Staff member come by " brief " us on how things would go . Apparently we even had the Race Director come by and tell us to come back in the morning because he would never turn down volunteers for registration . I was already asleep by then , but no one left . I fell asleep for 30 - 60 minutes at a time off & on all night . It was not what you 'd call a comfortable evening . Around 6 : 30am , I got up and decided to walk around and attempt stretching out . I quickly discovered that the registration line had extended from the gym , to the street , and down to the ' hot corner " already ; 0 . 2 miles of people ready to pay for a race one full year away . . . . and people were still arriving to get in line . Registration Line at 6 : 30am Thankfully , they opened up at 7 : 40 and it was very quick . I was out , back to my car , and on the road by 8am . I was very happy since I had a 5 hour drive home and work at 2pm . If they had waited until 9am , I would have been cutting it V - E - R - Y close to not making it . Phew ! When I wrote out my Ironman training schedule , I set up three week cycles ( two weeks build & one week drop back ) . When I decided to head to Lake Placid to volunteer , I decided I needed to extend one build phase to be three up , one back . That went well until Monday . Everything was going great ! I felt dead after Saturday 's 70 mile ride , but ran a strong 7 : 48 pace on Sunday 's 18 - miler . I was psyched ! Then I had Monday to rest ! . . . so I thought . Then my car got left at the auto body shop . Shoot me now ! ! Already feeling dead , I rode my bike 11 . 5 miles to work at 1 : 00pm in some 90 degree temps . Then after being on my feet all day , I rode home at 10 : 30pm . I woke up yesterday ( Tuesday ) and attempted running . Bad idea . I couldn 't even hold my 18 - miler pace . I was officially dead . But still no car , so I rode to work at high noon and then rode home late again . Today I finally have the car back ! Aka , today 's my rest day . Tomorrow 's supposed to be a 40 mile ride and track workout . With the weekend in LP ( aka , no workouts ) , I 'm reluctant to give up mileage during the week , but my body really needs rest . Ugh ! Given the $ 800 I had to put into my car , I 'm trying to be as excited as I can to head up to Lake Placid this weekend to volunteer and sign up for 2013 . I get to sleep while in line Sunday night . Be jealous ! = P I get there during workouts regularly , but this is the first time I 've really felt consistently dead multiple days in a row . 2 . What 's the earliest you 've signed up for a race ? After skipping the third race in this sprint series two weeks ago , I was mentally ready for another challenge . I 've found that having these small races scattered inbetween the priority races really helps keep me focused . Anyways , here 's my report . . . Finally I made it through Hartford before traffic ! It only required me to show up to the race site two hours early . haha Overkill ? Probably . But I got my pick of bike position in transition before taking a nap in the car . I went into this race not expecting too much . I 've been ramping my mileage and was on little sleep , so my body felt sluggish . However , I had the mental edge of wanting to race on my side . " It 's a crap shoot " I figured . I 'll do my best and see where that gets me . After Newington Bike gave me their tri kit , I decided I really wanted to sport the jersey . However , I didn 't want to waste time putting it on in T1 and unless I wear the wetsuit , I can 't swim with it . Four weeks ago , I posted HERE that the water temp was already above my wetsuit limit . However , I decided I 'd give it a try this week . I went with a Mint Choclate GU 15 minutes before the race start , a first for me . I figured I might need the energy this week . I still refuse to do caffeinated gels though . The women went off at 6 : ! 5pm and the men entered the water right after . As I walked into the water , I immediately regretted my decision to not do a warmup swim . The water was worse than bath water ; it felt like stove top water . I only had a couple minutes , so I didn 't have time to take the suit off . All I could do was hope that the water was cooler further from shore . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . Go ! I decided to be bold on the swim from the start . I kept my strokes paced , but strong ; I wanted to stay near the front . Thankfully I didn 't veer too far left and was able to maintain some drag on the way out . I did , however , decide to limit my sighting early on which caused me to swim right smack into the first guide buoy , which by the way is an inflattable duck . So I can say I swam into a duck . I sighted more after that . At the turn buoy I did a couple breastroke strokes and at that point realized how warm body was . I don 't doubt I suffered a time loss due to the overheating . But I did my best to keep it steady and when I got to the beach , I was so happy to take the suit off ! ! I ran to the second rack , right in front of the bike out , and dropped to the ground . The suit came off and the running shoes went on . Until I get cycling shoes , I 've decided just to wear the running shoes on the bike to save time . I don 't like the feel as much but I would be I make up any lost time on the bike in T2 by not switching shoes . Anyways , I grab the bike , and head to the mount line . Just over the timing mat , I look at my watch . . . 9 : 27 . I 'm over 30 seconds ahead of my PR . Awesome ! In my run from the timing mat to the mount line , my aero bottle dislodged and start hopping around . I pulled it off and dropped it with a course marshal at the mount line . At least this was only a sprint . I hopped on the bike and instantly remembered why I don 't like biking with my running shoes ; there is so much more room at the front of these shoes . I feel like my feet are an inch behind where they should be . Oh - well . Can 't do anything now . Pedal on . As usual , I pushed it through 3 / 4 of the first loop and then hit the downhills where I catch my breathe . And I mean pushed it - I 'm sure other racers think I 'm having breathing issues when I pass them on the first part of the course . I 'm interested but scared to know what my heart rate is within that section . On the first loop I felt tired - again , sluggish due to the mileage and sleep . The second loop was much more calculated and calmer . I passed the bike entrance at 25 : 00 meaning I did my first lap in roughly 15 : 30 . " You have to drop the next lap by 30 seconds if you want to PR the bike leg " I thought . In actuality , I only needed 8 seconds . Early on the second loop , I caught up to a friend of mine . We 're both super competitive and without asking her , I know that as soon as I passed her , she pushed it to come back and pass me . We did this for the rest of the second lap . She 'd pass on hills and I 'd pass on downs or flat . There were a couple guys that did the same with me . I could have pushed the hills to keep up , but I knew digging in might ruin me , so I kept back . I hit the dismount line ahead of that group and ran into transition . Bike - 30 : 25 I was so focused on our little rivalry that I didn 't even look at my time . Later I realized that despite the fatigue , I PR 'd the bike ( and still know I could be in much better race shape ) . Love it ! As I crossed the timing mat , Dave yells that I 'm in 4th or 5th . Awesome ! I 've been secretly hoping that someone might come spectate one of my races and that I could convince them to yell at me my place post - bike . Somehow Dave knew exactly what I needed . I racked the bike , tossed the helmet and glasses ( I 've been running w / o glasses recently and I like it ) and grabbed my hat . RUN Not 50 feet into the run I see my first Target , a fellow HEAT member who I know I can out run . " Ok , so if I 'm in 4th or 5th , that 'll put me in 3rd or 4th . " That lit a fire in me ( little did I know that it was not a giant bonfire but a tiny miny match fire ) . Right off the bike I was cramping in my inner thighs . From experience , I knew it 'd go away in time , but it frustrated me knowing I was ahead . I took the first hill slow as I always do and heard the footsteps behind me . Two guys passed me and it was like a flashback to Lake T Sprint Tri No . 2 . Ironically , the second guy who passed me this week was from the same group that the guy I came in right behind last time was in ( aka , they both had Yale jerseys on and until I looked at the race results , I thought it was the same guy ) . Because of that , I kicked it up and held onto him for two tenths of a mile with the thought that I 'd hold on and pass him on the last straight away . My body , however , just couldn 't hold it . I 'm sure I could have physically held the pace , but mentally I wasn 't able to push through the pain . The cramps were gone by this time , but the fatigue was at the forefront . I simply vowed to keep him in my sights . The rest of the run was without incident . I looked back at one point and no one was there . We were really out on our own ; the front and back of the pack have similarities in that sense - very thinned fields . I finished 1 : 14 ahead of the next guy which shows you how far ahead we were . With dwindling energy and vapors of mental reserves , I hit the last straight away with roughly 1 mile to go . My watch was around 52 : 00 . " If I can just maintain an 8 : 00 pace , I can beat the one - hour mark . " You 'd think that 'd be easy . I 've run sub - 6 : 20 pace on both of my sprints and 7 : 01 on the Oly . 8 : 00 should be no problem ! I admit that I kept pace well and could have gone faster , but I was in a mental battle more than physical at this point . After lots of mental games and attempted calculations based on visual guesses of how long it 'd take to get to that tree , the road sign , from the turn to the finish , etc . , I made it up and down the final hill and still had 50 seconds cushion . I took solace in that fact and maintained pace - no way I was going to risk breaking pace and trip on some divot in the grass . RUN - 19 : 35 I also stuck around for the awards and got one of the randoms , a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc wine . After giving awards for top three male and females , they choose a few random people to give awards . I think it 's great because it gives everyone a chance to win something by just participating . Now I just have to figure out what I 'm going to do with it - give it as a gift or hang onto it until Thanksgiving / Xmas ? The wetsuit might have been the advantage for the swim , so despite the heat , I may race with it again . However , next time I 'll be bringing ice cubes . I would prefer to catch my breathe earlier on the bike , but I don 't like to back down until the downhills . I have to experiment with that . I also need to stretch a bit more pre - race to see if it helps my post - bike cramping . I might be better if I did more bricks too . Heck , maybe I 'll do my track brick workout I 've been wanting to try . Still room for improvement ! Sometimes I find being more relaxed by no pressure or being a bit fatigued helps to loosen up and let your body take over . 2 . What " mark " is your next target ? Why do we do these things ? Why do we intentionally torture our bodies , our minds , and souls ? Why do we sit down to schedule out repetitive torture sessions meant to slowly break our bodies and minds into submission ? Why do we pay someone to inflict pain upon us ? Why do we suffer through it and immediately plan the next ? Why not just sleep in on the weekend like " normal " people and go to IHOP instead of getting up extra early to get in the miles before breakfast ( which is 100 % organic and probably vegan or paleo ) ? Why not spend the day at the pool with a good book instead of at the gym ? I admit I was quite nervous about how my body would react to 18 miles . The longest run I 've done this year was 14 . I did 16 last week , but it was broken into 11 in the AM and 5 in the PM . But I mapped it out , convinced a friend to be a mobile aid station , and that was that . Saturday 's ride , however , I felt more confident about . A friend recently commented to me while we were talking about Ironman training , " Eventually , your body gets to a point where you can do just about anything and it can take it . " Nothing felt more true to that statement than finishing today 's run . I used to go on 5 mile runs that would leave me in pain the next day . Today I ran 18 after riding 70 yesterday and other than some fatigue , I felt like I could keep going . Awesome ! Throughout the run , I asked myself one question - why do I do this ? Why get up early on a Sunday to do a long run ? Why train for the Ironman ? It 's not for health reasons . It 's not for social reasons ( I train alone most of the time ) . It 's a challenge . Thursday night I raced Lake T Sprint again ( my 3rd this year ) , was in 3rd early on the run again , and came in 5th overall . . . again . But the repeats were not the highlights of the evening . Two things happened by a bit of chance that made me smile more than anything . I broke the one - hour mark . The race report will come soon , so I don 't want to spoil the fun of that post . What I will say is that I went into this race feeling a bit more fatigued than I had hoped and in the middle of ramping up my training mileage ( aka , I didn 't expect much ) . So when the finish line came into view and I still had 45 seconds by my watch to make it there in under the 1 : 00 mark , I couldn 't help but smile despite the pain . I raced this course in 2010 multiple times and couldn 't break 1 : 12 . Now I 'm under 1 : 00 and know I 've still got places to shave time . Awesome ! But then after finishing , congratulating other racers , chatting with a few people , and retrieving my aero bottle that I dropped on course , I went out for a cool down run - a second loop of the 5k run . I just made it onto the first road when I came up to a Kathy , a 71 year old triathlete . As per usual , I tried to encourage her to keep going and ended up sticking with her to chat . She told me I could run on ahead after the first hill , but I told her she 'd actually be helping me keep my pace down if I stayed with her . So we ran the entire 5k together , finishing in dead last , but she finished all the same . After crossing the finish , they told me I 'd won the " sweetheart award , " but that wasn 't the cool part . Kathy herself is packed with stories ! This lady - again , she 's 71 - has raced triathlons since the 80 's . She 's self - proclaimed stubborn . She has what she calls a " touch of COPD " from 18 years of smoking but has never taken anything for it , preferring to beat it herself . She ran in her new Newton shoes that to her were the lightest shoes ever made ( and she 's been through plenty ! ) . She raced a marathon relay earlier this year and she raced Kona twice - 1985 and 1986 if I remember correctly , later coached her son through finishing Kona himself . Talk about the most unlikely places to find such an interesting story . Most people will admit that the last few racers through the finish line have great stories , but how many stick around to find out what they are ? ; 80 % of the racers were gone by the time Kathy got back . Admit it , when 's the last time you watched a race and were more interested in who finished half way through or at the end than the few battling it out in the lead ? Spectating for friends / relatives doesn 't count . I 'm happy to no longer be a strict middle - of - the - pack racer ( at most events ) , but after running with Kathy , I have a whole new interest in the middle and back - of - the - pack racers . I hope Kathy comes to the last two races so I can run with her again . She 's like our own CT , female version of Dave Scott . Ok , she didn 't win Kona , but she was there at the same time . Hear that ? . . . what ? You don 't hear anything ? Exactly ! ! No more medals clanging every time I open my closet . For $ 10 and about an hour of tough decision making in Lowe 's , I finally have a medal hangar ( aka , curtain rod ) . Now I just have to fill ' er up ! ! It 's Saturday ! You know what that means . Ok , maybe you don 't , but it 's long ride day . I had talked repeatedly this week about my upcoming 60 mile ride . However , I never sat down to figure out a route . So I woke up today with the ill - conceived plan that I 'd be out the door by 8am in order to beat the heat . I wasn 't out until 9 : 20am . I got out of bed about 7 : 40am and after getting breakfast , sat down to figure out a route . I had rode out Rt . 44 last week which was a torture session , so that was out . I could avoid the hills of Rt . 44 and take the Rt . 10 detour , but again I 'd be on Rt . 44 most of the time and I didn 't want that . I checked local routes on mapmyride and found my LBS 's metric century course . Despite having a lot of turns , I thought that might be a good choice . I started making out my own map when I realized that the distance that this course goes South looks equivalent to the distance North to the MA border . A quick check revealed that the MA border was only 28 miles away . BINGO ! Found my destination ! After a few changes , I had a route plotted straight up Rt . 10 , my typical weekly stomping ground , to the MA border . The biggest risk was hoping that the roads beyond the first 13 miles were going to be safe . Thankfully , they were ! And roughly 1 : 40 after leaving the apartment - 1 . 5 miles from the turn around - I spotted the border . My wife and I have now increased our state riding by 100 % ; we 've ridden in two states . However , I have no desire to head back to Southwick . I 'm sure it 's a great town , but Rt . 10 has zero shoulder to ride on making it not so safe for cyclists . Thankfully I only had 1 . 5 miles to go . I hit the turn and headed back . I 've never been so happy to be back in CT . I might gripe about the road conditions in the Hartford area , but at least Rt . 10 has a decent shoulder to keep cyclists safe . And they also have quite the bike trail that seems to run all the way from Avon , CT up to Southwick , MA . If I had known about it apriori , I might have ventured onto that instead of sticking it out on the roads . Live & Learn . 60 . 06 miles . . . with the Olympic rings and " LONDON " on it . I hadn 't known until now , but Sara Hendershot , a Simsbury High graduate , qualified for the London Olympics in Rowing . Very cool ! ! Gotta ' love a home town hero . I 've run in I believe 8 . I 've ridden in 3 , but my wife has only ridden in 2 . 3 . Do you know any local Olympians ? If you 're watching , which sport are you going to be glued to ? I had literally JUST laid down and set my timer when " BUZZZZZZ . " I went to the intercom and you guessed it , it 's the UPS guy . Yesterday it was a package for my roommate , so I figured " What did he buy now ? " I was wrong . After finishing the NASM 3rd edition textbook recently , I went online to purchase the exam and found out that - Surprise , Suprise - they have a new textbook ; version number 4 . And apparently the exam covers material that is not in the 3rd edition . Yay ! Thankfully , I happened upon a sale on their site which got me the new book and exam along with some online study materials for the same price as the exam itself . So now I own two NASM books ! . . . and a NASM backpack . Oh , and I have 180 days to sign up for and go take the exam , though I won 't need that long . My goal - depending on how the practice exam goes - is have it scheduled by the end of July for some time in August . In my experience , a third of the people I 'll ask will still be battling a hang over . Another third will actually have trouble remembering what it was they did ( what a memorable weekend ! ) . And then the athletic third of my friends will rattle off all the long workouts they did ( especially those who were up at Lake Placid training camp this weekend ) . So when I get asked today " Kurt , what did you do this weekend ? , " I 'll answer . . . This is universal party night , right ? Ok , maybe not for those with kids at home , but everyone always has a party to go to , a bar they 're going to hang out at , or the like . I go to the lake with my tri club and get in a 1 . 7 mile swim . Granted , they do have beers post - swim , but I don 't drink , so it 's water and pb until I can get home to make dinner . While the Friday night partiers are still sleeping , I headed out to the lake again with a couple friends to get in OWS # 2 for the weekend ; 1 . 4 mile swim . Back home I grabbed a snack , took a nap , and suited up for a long bike ride . Despite the weather ( 91 degrees and sunny ) , I got in a solid 50 mile ride . I also learned that it 's time to get the Minoura double mount cage holder . Three bottles only lasted me 25 miles in that heat . At this point , the partiers have given up on me . They 're yet again sleeping off a " Great Saturday night " that they 'll piece together through texts , voicemails , and friends while I was back in the water ; this time a pool . 1600 yard swim to loosen up before yoga class . Then a snack , nap , and back out in the heat ( now a nice and cool 89 degrees ) for what turned into an 11 . 96 mile run . I planned on 14 , but the heat got the better of me . Great question ! My name 's Kurt . I am a 3x Ironman , an ultrarunner , personal trainer ( NASM ) , running coach ( RRCA ) , and triathlon coach . I started this blog at the beginning of my triathlon journey in 2010 as a way to document my experiences to becoming an Ironman . That original goal changed my life and every step continues to reveal surprises . I 'm simply pushing through to see where it takes me . View my complete profile This list is incomplete and not yet agreed to by my coach ! January 15th - Tradition Run ( 5k / 10k ) February 25th - Colchester Half MarathonApril 22nd - White Lake Spring Half ( 70 . 3 ) May 25th - Cedar Lake Sprint Tri # 1June 4th - Rev3 Quassy OlympicJune 8th - Cedar Lake Sprint Tri # 2June 9 - 11 - HEAT IMLP Training CampJune 15th - Lake T Sprint Tri # 2June 22 - 25th - Valor Triathlon Project IMLP Training CampJune 29th - Lake T Sprint Tri # 3July 6th - Cedar Lake Sprint Tri # 4July 9th - Rev3 Williamsburg Half ( MAYBE ! ) July 13th - Lake T Sprint Tri # 4July 16th - Litchfield Hills Olympic July 20th - Cedar Lake Sprint Tri # 5July 27th - Lake T Sprint Tri # 5August 3rd - Cedar Lake Sprint Tri # 6August 10th - Lake T Sprint Tri # 6August 13th - Rev3 Pocono Mtns OlympicSeptember 10th - Ironman 70 . 3 WC ( Chattanooga , TN ) October 7th - Rev3 Capital Trail 100October ? ? - Bimbler 's Bluff 50kOctober ? ? - Fall Fling 400 ( CT Trailmixers )
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This past Sunday was Ironman Lake Placid and a number of members from my tri club went up , most to compete and a few more to volunteer . I went to volunteer in order to register for next year and man was it an experience ! Here 's a quick recap . . . Once I discovered that registration wasn 't until Monday morning , I opted for an afternoon volunteer slot so I didn 't have to be up mad early . I got to Lake Placid around 10 : 00am . I went straight to transition and snapped a photo of the empty finisher 's chute . Scroll down to see the " after " photo of the finisher 's chute at midnight . This is Andy Potts crushing the competition . Potts was roughly 5 - 6 minutes ahead on his first loop and increased that to 11 minutes on his second loop . No one could touch him Sunday ; fastest swim , bike , AND run legs . I got to see a lot of my friends come through their first lap . Did they hear me screaming , who knows ! But I got them on the run course for sure ! I then headed out to Run Aid Station # 3 for my shift . I have to say that it was so much more fun than I expected . As an athlete , it 's much easier to do a job knowing that it 's appreciated . You could tell that we didn 't have as many volunteers as they needed , but we worked our butts off and made the best of it . Aid Station # 3 I also got to see all my friends come through . Plenty of cheering went on . The only thing I was surprised about was that we did not have ice to hand out . Really ? I usually consider that a staple , but oh - well . The low point of the day was having an athlete come into our station and ask " Is there some place I can lie down ? " I knew immediately by the look in her face that she was near the end . She said she was getting dizzy and her feet had been asleep for 2 miles . She was completely with it , but her body was giving in . We layed her down and another volunteer who was a PTA sat with her until Medical came to pick her up . They gave her a blanket , an oxygen mask , and consoled her as much as possible while she cried saying " I just don 't want my day to be over . " She knew she wouldn 't make the cut off time since she was still on her first run loop , but it was heart - breaking all the same . I worked 2 : 30 to 8 : 30 and then headed back to transition . It was 10 : 00 by the time I got there and I was already falling asleep on my sore feet . I got some food at the volunteer tent and spent an hour " resting " on my chair . Then I met up with Lisa , a member of my tri club who also volunteered , and we watched the last hour of athletes coming in . Finish Line at 10 : 30pm They always say that the last hour is more exciting than the first ; they 're right . Every person coming in was beyond ecstatic to finish . Some found friends / family on the sidelines and hugged / kissed them . Some were tearing up . Others gave it a kick that made it look like they were still fresh . Then with about ten minutes left , Mike Reilly started walking up the finish line . . . You could tell he was trying to figure out whether the last few athletes would make it in or not . Then with two minutes left , Andy Potts goes running back out of the finish . " Where is he going ? " we all thought . Mike told us that the last athlete was a quarter mile out . We looked at the timer and thought " this is gonna ' be close . " Well , he didn 't make the cut - off , but got the best escort into the finish of the day . . . Sorry about the blur , but the guy was literally dragged / carried all the way to the finish line with Andy Potts ( in grey on the right ) cheering him on the whole way ! Sure , he didn 't make it in under the 17 - hour limit , but in my mind ( and plenty of others I 'm sure ) , he still finished . Then the real party began ! Lisa and I ( and about 20 - 30 others ) walked around the Lake Placid High School and got in line at the gymnasium to register for next year 's race . Now , registration was not slatted to begin until 9am . So we all brought our chairs , sleeping bags , and such and spent the night . Aren 't we a bunch of crazy people ! We had an Ironman Staff member come by " brief " us on how things would go . Apparently we even had the Race Director come by and tell us to come back in the morning because he would never turn down volunteers for registration . I was already asleep by then , but no one left . I fell asleep for 30 - 60 minutes at a time off & on all night . It was not what you 'd call a comfortable evening . Around 6 : 30am , I got up and decided to walk around and attempt stretching out . I quickly discovered that the registration line had extended from the gym , to the street , and down to the ' hot corner " already ; 0 . 2 miles of people ready to pay for a race one full year away . . . . and people were still arriving to get in line . Registration Line at 6 : 30am Thankfully , they opened up at 7 : 40 and it was very quick . I was out , back to my car , and on the road by 8am . I was very happy since I had a 5 hour drive home and work at 2pm . If they had waited until 9am , I would have been cutting it V - E - R - Y close to not making it . Phew ! When I wrote out my Ironman training schedule , I set up three week cycles ( two weeks build & one week drop back ) . When I decided to head to Lake Placid to volunteer , I decided I needed to extend one build phase to be three up , one back . That went well until Monday . Everything was going great ! I felt dead after Saturday 's 70 mile ride , but ran a strong 7 : 48 pace on Sunday 's 18 - miler . I was psyched ! Then I had Monday to rest ! . . . so I thought . Then my car got left at the auto body shop . Shoot me now ! ! Already feeling dead , I rode my bike 11 . 5 miles to work at 1 : 00pm in some 90 degree temps . Then after being on my feet all day , I rode home at 10 : 30pm . I woke up yesterday ( Tuesday ) and attempted running . Bad idea . I couldn 't even hold my 18 - miler pace . I was officially dead . But still no car , so I rode to work at high noon and then rode home late again . Today I finally have the car back ! Aka , today 's my rest day . Tomorrow 's supposed to be a 40 mile ride and track workout . With the weekend in LP ( aka , no workouts ) , I 'm reluctant to give up mileage during the week , but my body really needs rest . Ugh ! Given the $ 800 I had to put into my car , I 'm trying to be as excited as I can to head up to Lake Placid this weekend to volunteer and sign up for 2013 . I get to sleep while in line Sunday night . Be jealous ! = P I get there during workouts regularly , but this is the first time I 've really felt consistently dead multiple days in a row . 2 . What 's the earliest you 've signed up for a race ? After skipping the third race in this sprint series two weeks ago , I was mentally ready for another challenge . I 've found that having these small races scattered inbetween the priority races really helps keep me focused . Anyways , here 's my report . . . Finally I made it through Hartford before traffic ! It only required me to show up to the race site two hours early . haha Overkill ? Probably . But I got my pick of bike position in transition before taking a nap in the car . I went into this race not expecting too much . I 've been ramping my mileage and was on little sleep , so my body felt sluggish . However , I had the mental edge of wanting to race on my side . " It 's a crap shoot " I figured . I 'll do my best and see where that gets me . After Newington Bike gave me their tri kit , I decided I really wanted to sport the jersey . However , I didn 't want to waste time putting it on in T1 and unless I wear the wetsuit , I can 't swim with it . Four weeks ago , I posted HERE that the water temp was already above my wetsuit limit . However , I decided I 'd give it a try this week . I went with a Mint Choclate GU 15 minutes before the race start , a first for me . I figured I might need the energy this week . I still refuse to do caffeinated gels though . The women went off at 6 : ! 5pm and the men entered the water right after . As I walked into the water , I immediately regretted my decision to not do a warmup swim . The water was worse than bath water ; it felt like stove top water . I only had a couple minutes , so I didn 't have time to take the suit off . All I could do was hope that the water was cooler further from shore . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . Go ! I decided to be bold on the swim from the start . I kept my strokes paced , but strong ; I wanted to stay near the front . Thankfully I didn 't veer too far left and was able to maintain some drag on the way out . I did , however , decide to limit my sighting early on which caused me to swim right smack into the first guide buoy , which by the way is an inflattable duck . So I can say I swam into a duck . I sighted more after that . At the turn buoy I did a couple breastroke strokes and at that point realized how warm body was . I don 't doubt I suffered a time loss due to the overheating . But I did my best to keep it steady and when I got to the beach , I was so happy to take the suit off ! ! I ran to the second rack , right in front of the bike out , and dropped to the ground . The suit came off and the running shoes went on . Until I get cycling shoes , I 've decided just to wear the running shoes on the bike to save time . I don 't like the feel as much but I would be I make up any lost time on the bike in T2 by not switching shoes . Anyways , I grab the bike , and head to the mount line . Just over the timing mat , I look at my watch . . . 9 : 27 . I 'm over 30 seconds ahead of my PR . Awesome ! In my run from the timing mat to the mount line , my aero bottle dislodged and start hopping around . I pulled it off and dropped it with a course marshal at the mount line . At least this was only a sprint . I hopped on the bike and instantly remembered why I don 't like biking with my running shoes ; there is so much more room at the front of these shoes . I feel like my feet are an inch behind where they should be . Oh - well . Can 't do anything now . Pedal on . As usual , I pushed it through 3 / 4 of the first loop and then hit the downhills where I catch my breathe . And I mean pushed it - I 'm sure other racers think I 'm having breathing issues when I pass them on the first part of the course . I 'm interested but scared to know what my heart rate is within that section . On the first loop I felt tired - again , sluggish due to the mileage and sleep . The second loop was much more calculated and calmer . I passed the bike entrance at 25 : 00 meaning I did my first lap in roughly 15 : 30 . " You have to drop the next lap by 30 seconds if you want to PR the bike leg " I thought . In actuality , I only needed 8 seconds . Early on the second loop , I caught up to a friend of mine . We 're both super competitive and without asking her , I know that as soon as I passed her , she pushed it to come back and pass me . We did this for the rest of the second lap . She 'd pass on hills and I 'd pass on downs or flat . There were a couple guys that did the same with me . I could have pushed the hills to keep up , but I knew digging in might ruin me , so I kept back . I hit the dismount line ahead of that group and ran into transition . Bike - 30 : 25 I was so focused on our little rivalry that I didn 't even look at my time . Later I realized that despite the fatigue , I PR 'd the bike ( and still know I could be in much better race shape ) . Love it ! As I crossed the timing mat , Dave yells that I 'm in 4th or 5th . Awesome ! I 've been secretly hoping that someone might come spectate one of my races and that I could convince them to yell at me my place post - bike . Somehow Dave knew exactly what I needed . I racked the bike , tossed the helmet and glasses ( I 've been running w / o glasses recently and I like it ) and grabbed my hat . RUN Not 50 feet into the run I see my first Target , a fellow HEAT member who I know I can out run . " Ok , so if I 'm in 4th or 5th , that 'll put me in 3rd or 4th . " That lit a fire in me ( little did I know that it was not a giant bonfire but a tiny miny match fire ) . Right off the bike I was cramping in my inner thighs . From experience , I knew it 'd go away in time , but it frustrated me knowing I was ahead . I took the first hill slow as I always do and heard the footsteps behind me . Two guys passed me and it was like a flashback to Lake T Sprint Tri No . 2 . Ironically , the second guy who passed me this week was from the same group that the guy I came in right behind last time was in ( aka , they both had Yale jerseys on and until I looked at the race results , I thought it was the same guy ) . Because of that , I kicked it up and held onto him for two tenths of a mile with the thought that I 'd hold on and pass him on the last straight away . My body , however , just couldn 't hold it . I 'm sure I could have physically held the pace , but mentally I wasn 't able to push through the pain . The cramps were gone by this time , but the fatigue was at the forefront . I simply vowed to keep him in my sights . The rest of the run was without incident . I looked back at one point and no one was there . We were really out on our own ; the front and back of the pack have similarities in that sense - very thinned fields . I finished 1 : 14 ahead of the next guy which shows you how far ahead we were . With dwindling energy and vapors of mental reserves , I hit the last straight away with roughly 1 mile to go . My watch was around 52 : 00 . " If I can just maintain an 8 : 00 pace , I can beat the one - hour mark . " You 'd think that 'd be easy . I 've run sub - 6 : 20 pace on both of my sprints and 7 : 01 on the Oly . 8 : 00 should be no problem ! I admit that I kept pace well and could have gone faster , but I was in a mental battle more than physical at this point . After lots of mental games and attempted calculations based on visual guesses of how long it 'd take to get to that tree , the road sign , from the turn to the finish , etc . , I made it up and down the final hill and still had 50 seconds cushion . I took solace in that fact and maintained pace - no way I was going to risk breaking pace and trip on some divot in the grass . RUN - 19 : 35 I also stuck around for the awards and got one of the randoms , a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc wine . After giving awards for top three male and females , they choose a few random people to give awards . I think it 's great because it gives everyone a chance to win something by just participating . Now I just have to figure out what I 'm going to do with it - give it as a gift or hang onto it until Thanksgiving / Xmas ? The wetsuit might have been the advantage for the swim , so despite the heat , I may race with it again . However , next time I 'll be bringing ice cubes . I would prefer to catch my breathe earlier on the bike , but I don 't like to back down until the downhills . I have to experiment with that . I also need to stretch a bit more pre - race to see if it helps my post - bike cramping . I might be better if I did more bricks too . Heck , maybe I 'll do my track brick workout I 've been wanting to try . Still room for improvement ! Sometimes I find being more relaxed by no pressure or being a bit fatigued helps to loosen up and let your body take over . 2 . What " mark " is your next target ? Why do we do these things ? Why do we intentionally torture our bodies , our minds , and souls ? Why do we sit down to schedule out repetitive torture sessions meant to slowly break our bodies and minds into submission ? Why do we pay someone to inflict pain upon us ? Why do we suffer through it and immediately plan the next ? Why not just sleep in on the weekend like " normal " people and go to IHOP instead of getting up extra early to get in the miles before breakfast ( which is 100 % organic and probably vegan or paleo ) ? Why not spend the day at the pool with a good book instead of at the gym ? I admit I was quite nervous about how my body would react to 18 miles . The longest run I 've done this year was 14 . I did 16 last week , but it was broken into 11 in the AM and 5 in the PM . But I mapped it out , convinced a friend to be a mobile aid station , and that was that . Saturday 's ride , however , I felt more confident about . A friend recently commented to me while we were talking about Ironman training , " Eventually , your body gets to a point where you can do just about anything and it can take it . " Nothing felt more true to that statement than finishing today 's run . I used to go on 5 mile runs that would leave me in pain the next day . Today I ran 18 after riding 70 yesterday and other than some fatigue , I felt like I could keep going . Awesome ! Throughout the run , I asked myself one question - why do I do this ? Why get up early on a Sunday to do a long run ? Why train for the Ironman ? It 's not for health reasons . It 's not for social reasons ( I train alone most of the time ) . It 's a challenge . Thursday night I raced Lake T Sprint again ( my 3rd this year ) , was in 3rd early on the run again , and came in 5th overall . . . again . But the repeats were not the highlights of the evening . Two things happened by a bit of chance that made me smile more than anything . I broke the one - hour mark . The race report will come soon , so I don 't want to spoil the fun of that post . What I will say is that I went into this race feeling a bit more fatigued than I had hoped and in the middle of ramping up my training mileage ( aka , I didn 't expect much ) . So when the finish line came into view and I still had 45 seconds by my watch to make it there in under the 1 : 00 mark , I couldn 't help but smile despite the pain . I raced this course in 2010 multiple times and couldn 't break 1 : 12 . Now I 'm under 1 : 00 and know I 've still got places to shave time . Awesome ! But then after finishing , congratulating other racers , chatting with a few people , and retrieving my aero bottle that I dropped on course , I went out for a cool down run - a second loop of the 5k run . I just made it onto the first road when I came up to a Kathy , a 71 year old triathlete . As per usual , I tried to encourage her to keep going and ended up sticking with her to chat . She told me I could run on ahead after the first hill , but I told her she 'd actually be helping me keep my pace down if I stayed with her . So we ran the entire 5k together , finishing in dead last , but she finished all the same . After crossing the finish , they told me I 'd won the " sweetheart award , " but that wasn 't the cool part . Kathy herself is packed with stories ! This lady - again , she 's 71 - has raced triathlons since the 80 's . She 's self - proclaimed stubborn . She has what she calls a " touch of COPD " from 18 years of smoking but has never taken anything for it , preferring to beat it herself . She ran in her new Newton shoes that to her were the lightest shoes ever made ( and she 's been through plenty ! ) . She raced a marathon relay earlier this year and she raced Kona twice - 1985 and 1986 if I remember correctly , later coached her son through finishing Kona himself . Talk about the most unlikely places to find such an interesting story . Most people will admit that the last few racers through the finish line have great stories , but how many stick around to find out what they are ? ; 80 % of the racers were gone by the time Kathy got back . Admit it , when 's the last time you watched a race and were more interested in who finished half way through or at the end than the few battling it out in the lead ? Spectating for friends / relatives doesn 't count . I 'm happy to no longer be a strict middle - of - the - pack racer ( at most events ) , but after running with Kathy , I have a whole new interest in the middle and back - of - the - pack racers . I hope Kathy comes to the last two races so I can run with her again . She 's like our own CT , female version of Dave Scott . Ok , she didn 't win Kona , but she was there at the same time . Hear that ? . . . what ? You don 't hear anything ? Exactly ! ! No more medals clanging every time I open my closet . For $ 10 and about an hour of tough decision making in Lowe 's , I finally have a medal hangar ( aka , curtain rod ) . Now I just have to fill ' er up ! ! It 's Saturday ! You know what that means . Ok , maybe you don 't , but it 's long ride day . I had talked repeatedly this week about my upcoming 60 mile ride . However , I never sat down to figure out a route . So I woke up today with the ill - conceived plan that I 'd be out the door by 8am in order to beat the heat . I wasn 't out until 9 : 20am . I got out of bed about 7 : 40am and after getting breakfast , sat down to figure out a route . I had rode out Rt . 44 last week which was a torture session , so that was out . I could avoid the hills of Rt . 44 and take the Rt . 10 detour , but again I 'd be on Rt . 44 most of the time and I didn 't want that . I checked local routes on mapmyride and found my LBS 's metric century course . Despite having a lot of turns , I thought that might be a good choice . I started making out my own map when I realized that the distance that this course goes South looks equivalent to the distance North to the MA border . A quick check revealed that the MA border was only 28 miles away . BINGO ! Found my destination ! After a few changes , I had a route plotted straight up Rt . 10 , my typical weekly stomping ground , to the MA border . The biggest risk was hoping that the roads beyond the first 13 miles were going to be safe . Thankfully , they were ! And roughly 1 : 40 after leaving the apartment - 1 . 5 miles from the turn around - I spotted the border . My wife and I have now increased our state riding by 100 % ; we 've ridden in two states . However , I have no desire to head back to Southwick . I 'm sure it 's a great town , but Rt . 10 has zero shoulder to ride on making it not so safe for cyclists . Thankfully I only had 1 . 5 miles to go . I hit the turn and headed back . I 've never been so happy to be back in CT . I might gripe about the road conditions in the Hartford area , but at least Rt . 10 has a decent shoulder to keep cyclists safe . And they also have quite the bike trail that seems to run all the way from Avon , CT up to Southwick , MA . If I had known about it apriori , I might have ventured onto that instead of sticking it out on the roads . Live & Learn . 60 . 06 miles . . . with the Olympic rings and " LONDON " on it . I hadn 't known until now , but Sara Hendershot , a Simsbury High graduate , qualified for the London Olympics in Rowing . Very cool ! ! Gotta ' love a home town hero . I 've run in I believe 8 . I 've ridden in 3 , but my wife has only ridden in 2 . 3 . Do you know any local Olympians ? If you 're watching , which sport are you going to be glued to ? I had literally JUST laid down and set my timer when " BUZZZZZZ . " I went to the intercom and you guessed it , it 's the UPS guy . Yesterday it was a package for my roommate , so I figured " What did he buy now ? " I was wrong . After finishing the NASM 3rd edition textbook recently , I went online to purchase the exam and found out that - Surprise , Suprise - they have a new textbook ; version number 4 . And apparently the exam covers material that is not in the 3rd edition . Yay ! Thankfully , I happened upon a sale on their site which got me the new book and exam along with some online study materials for the same price as the exam itself . So now I own two NASM books ! . . . and a NASM backpack . Oh , and I have 180 days to sign up for and go take the exam , though I won 't need that long . My goal - depending on how the practice exam goes - is have it scheduled by the end of July for some time in August . In my experience , a third of the people I 'll ask will still be battling a hang over . Another third will actually have trouble remembering what it was they did ( what a memorable weekend ! ) . And then the athletic third of my friends will rattle off all the long workouts they did ( especially those who were up at Lake Placid training camp this weekend ) . So when I get asked today " Kurt , what did you do this weekend ? , " I 'll answer . . . This is universal party night , right ? Ok , maybe not for those with kids at home , but everyone always has a party to go to , a bar they 're going to hang out at , or the like . I go to the lake with my tri club and get in a 1 . 7 mile swim . Granted , they do have beers post - swim , but I don 't drink , so it 's water and pb until I can get home to make dinner . While the Friday night partiers are still sleeping , I headed out to the lake again with a couple friends to get in OWS # 2 for the weekend ; 1 . 4 mile swim . Back home I grabbed a snack , took a nap , and suited up for a long bike ride . Despite the weather ( 91 degrees and sunny ) , I got in a solid 50 mile ride . I also learned that it 's time to get the Minoura double mount cage holder . Three bottles only lasted me 25 miles in that heat . At this point , the partiers have given up on me . They 're yet again sleeping off a " Great Saturday night " that they 'll piece together through texts , voicemails , and friends while I was back in the water ; this time a pool . 1600 yard swim to loosen up before yoga class . Then a snack , nap , and back out in the heat ( now a nice and cool 89 degrees ) for what turned into an 11 . 96 mile run . I planned on 14 , but the heat got the better of me . Great question ! My name 's Kurt . I am a 3x Ironman , an ultrarunner , personal trainer ( NASM ) , running coach ( RRCA ) , and triathlon coach . I started this blog at the beginning of my triathlon journey in 2010 as a way to document my experiences to becoming an Ironman . That original goal changed my life and every step continues to reveal surprises . I 'm simply pushing through to see where it takes me . View my complete profile This list is incomplete and not yet agreed to by my coach ! January 15th - Tradition Run ( 5k / 10k ) February 25th - Colchester Half MarathonApril 22nd - White Lake Spring Half ( 70 . 3 ) May 25th - Cedar Lake Sprint Tri # 1June 4th - Rev3 Quassy OlympicJune 8th - Cedar Lake Sprint Tri # 2June 9 - 11 - HEAT IMLP Training CampJune 15th - Lake T Sprint Tri # 2June 22 - 25th - Valor Triathlon Project IMLP Training CampJune 29th - Lake T Sprint Tri # 3July 6th - Cedar Lake Sprint Tri # 4July 9th - Rev3 Williamsburg Half ( MAYBE ! ) July 13th - Lake T Sprint Tri # 4July 16th - Litchfield Hills Olympic July 20th - Cedar Lake Sprint Tri # 5July 27th - Lake T Sprint Tri # 5August 3rd - Cedar Lake Sprint Tri # 6August 10th - Lake T Sprint Tri # 6August 13th - Rev3 Pocono Mtns OlympicSeptember 10th - Ironman 70 . 3 WC ( Chattanooga , TN ) October 7th - Rev3 Capital Trail 100October ? ? - Bimbler 's Bluff 50kOctober ? ? - Fall Fling 400 ( CT Trailmixers )
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Jun 21 By rmap nurse I have struggled with obesity since elementary school . It was around 5th grade that I remember feeling sad about my weight . I was always that fat girl who felt self - conscious and was teased my entire life . I have dieted off and on since 6th grade , and I would be successful for a time but would always gain the weight back . It was a vicious cycle for me . I was so depressed because of my appearance so I would turn to food for comfort . Then , I would feel depressed for gaining weight because I would eat too much of the wrong things . It was a horrible self - loathing and self - hate cycle I would go through weekly . I was embarrassed and hated any kind of attention from anyone . The meanest compliment I have been told my entire life was that I had such a pretty face . That always made me feel horrible . It was a slap in the face because I didn 't feel good enough … I had a " pretty face " , but my fat body was disgusting and ugly . I know people meant well , but it hurt every time someone would tell me that . As an adult , I would still turn to food for comfort . After a divorce and my brother dying from cancer , I was at my heaviest weight : 342 pounds ! I was depressed and suicidal . I had zero hope and honestly felt the world was better off without me . I was honestly at my wits end . I would think about suicide daily … but felt selfish because my parents had already buried two children , and I was angry . I couldn 't put my family through that again . So , I was in a miserable state and could barely function because I was so depressed and felt trapped in a life that I hated . I worked with a lady who I had noticed was losing weight and looking great . I asked her about it and she told me she had bariatric surgery , the sleeve gastrectomy . She told me all about it and it was the first time in YEARS that I felt any hope . I did some research and decided it was the best thing I could do for myself . I started eating healthier and started losing weight before the actual surgery , so that I could qualify for my insurance to help pay for half of the surgery . I had the vertical sleeve gastrectomy on June 1 , 2016 with Dr . McKinlay . It was the scariest and hardest decision I have ever made . I was 41 years old and had never been hospitalized . I am a nurse by profession … not a patient , and I liked it that way . It has been a year since my surgery . It 's been the hardest , yet most rewarding thing I have ever done for myself . I have lost 137 lbs . from my highest weight and 127 lbs . since the day of surgery . I was wearing a size 24 and now I am fitting into size 12 and 14 's ! I can buy clothes at regular stores ! I have never felt better in my entire life . I have more energy to do the things I love . I never thought I would ever say these words , but now I love hiking and being active . Whenever friends would want me to go hiking , I would dread it because I was so out of shape and embarrassed how short of breath any exertion would make me . Now I look forward to being active and I can keep up with other people ! I am the happiest I have ever been . I feel good about myself when I look in the mirror . I love making healthy choices because I feel like I 've been given a second chance . I was so lucky I never had any obesity related problems before the surgery , but I knew it would have been just a matter of time before diabetes , heart disease or knee problems would hit me . Has this journey been easy ? Not at all . The surgery is just a tool and I still have to make healthy decisions every day . I still want to eat all the naughty things I used to , but I definitely make much better choices now because I want to continue feeling healthy . I don 't eat perfectly , but I try every day . I weight myself every morning and document every calorie using MyFitnessPal . This has been the most rewarding journey I have ever been on . I am so thankful for RMAP for their life changing help . This has been the best thing I have ever done for myself . I am a new person who loves herself and can look in the mirror without feeling ashamed . I am so happy to be alive and I love my new life . I look forward to a lifetime of health and happiness . Jun 7 By rmap nurse The sun is finally out , the colder months behind us , and summer is just right around the corner ! With the weather warmer , it is the perfect time to get outside and move around . But sometimes it can be hard to take that first step , to talk yourself into going outside instead of binge watching the latest TV shows on the couch . The heat can also make you tired , creating another excuse not to go outside or to exercise . Teach yourself and those around you to use positive self - talk about fitness and exercise . Rather than focusing on the time it takes , and the drain it places on the body , focus on how you can exercise for pleasure and recreation . Emotional Stability - Exercise reduces depression and anxiety . It increases feelings of well - being by causing the body to produce more endorphins . Endorphins are chemicals that stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain . Exercise improves one 's ability to handle stress , and improves self - image . Remember , variety is the spice of life . The more things you can do to lead an active lifestyle the better . Variety means fun . When you are having fun , you are more likely to stick to your workout program . We recommend that you try lots of different exercise . This ensures that all muscle groups plus your cardiovascular system get a full workout . Areas of exercise to consider that will ensure a well - balanced fitness program are : May 31 By rmap nurse As you prepare for weight loss surgery , it 's normal to experience a range of emotions . Hopefully one of them is excitement as we are excited for you and the commitment you have made to work toward a healthier lifestyle . Weight loss surgery never has been or will be the " easy way out " . This is why we feel the support you receive before and after surgery are vital to your long term success ! Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians ( RMAP ) requires all patients to participate in a comprehensive Education Program to help you prepare , and continue to support you on your journey after weight loss surgery . One suggestion the RMAP surgeons have for those considering weight loss surgery is to speak with someone who has had surgery . Go directly to the source . Ask questions about how they prepared for surgery , their recovery and the tips they have found helpful throughout their journey . Jerilyn - Do your research . Make sure you understand the physical and emotional work this entails . Also , you need to understand this is not a temporary thing . You have to make a major change in your lifestyle . Don 't think that once the weight is gone that you can go back to your old habits . For this to work , you have to change your habits and attitudes about food and activity . Talk to people that have done this and find out about their journey . Tara - Just keep going . No regrets . You 'll have rough days ! But the end result is so worth it . You 'll be the " you " you 've always known you could be . The reflection in the mirror after a year will make you smile and love what you see ! Trust yourself . Trust your body . Trust that you can do hard things ! Mary - Yes , research . Plan on getting a god therapist that understands this journey ! Believe in yourself . You will go through ups and downs and have highs and lows . This is a lifelong commitment . Don 't ever give up ! Remember to take care of yourself first ! RMAP is a huge support ; you are never alone on this journey ! Enjoy the decision you made … some days you may wonder why you did it . Your reflection in the mirror is your reward ! Take pictures … lots of pictures ! They will mark the milestones of the journey ! Good luck ! Teresa - Take the time to research the doctors as well as speak to individuals who have had success as well as those who have not so you can ensure you 're walking in with your eyes open . Other doctors send patients home with a piece of paper and tell them after a few weeks they can eat what they want . Don 't listen to them . RMAP provides long term support and teaches you better habits for long term results . The support is there , but don 't expect them to do everything for you . You need to take ownership of your own life . Surgery isn 't the solution . It 's just a tool and it 's up to you if you use it . Eat healthy and incorporate exercise as soon as possible . Don 't use the excuse that you 're tired . Just do it and make it happen . It 's hard , but totally worth it . Mahealani - Surgery is NOT a quick fix . It 's a long and very difficult journey . It 's rewarding , yes … But it does take time , effort and focus . Having a support team is vital to your success . As long as you are focused and prepared for a difficult road … You 'll succeed with an abundance of wonderful outcomes ! You 're in control ! Kelley - Take frequent pictures and measurements . When I can 't see any changes in the mirror , I take a new picture and compare them . I 'm always amazed at the changes that really have happened . Same with measurements . Sometimes the scale won 't budge but I 'll find I 've lost inches . Don 't let the number on the scale get you down . You WILL have stalls . They are normal , they are natural . We 've ALL had them . Don 't be afraid to get counseling or other professional help to assist you in figuring out the underlying emotional issues that caused you to overeat . If you don 't deal with those issues , you will fall back into old habits . Rob - Make sure to learn all you can learn , study everything you can before you decide if it is right for you . It is a lifelong commitment , are you willing to make the commitment ? It is not a quick fix , it is not a cure all , it is not easy , and it 's not going to solve all of your problems . To be honest , it can add new problems . You will only get out of it what you put into it . Talk with your doctors , talk with the surgeons , talk with those who have had the surgery . If you put in the effort to understand as much as possible before you make the decision , then you will have a much greater chance of making it a success . There is only one person in this world who can guarantee how well it will work for you , it 's that person staring back at you when you look in the mirror . No one else can do it for you . It 's a huge effort , and it is well worth that effort , that I know from experience . Know what you are getting yourself into and be prepared for a wild ride . Wendy - My husband is currently considering surgery , and we talk all of the time about the things you need to consider . Here are some of the things we talk about : Only YOU can decide what is right for you . Gather all of the information . Talk to people about it . Make an informed decision . You will have people who support you in your journey , but ultimately , it will be YOU who has made the commitment . As you socialize the idea with friends , colleagues and family about the weight loss surgery decision , there may be mixed reactions . This is normal . People may be worried about the risks and your health . Listen to those people who matter most , and don 't worry about the voices of those who don 't matter . Once the decision is made , look for those who are supportive to assist you with the physical and emotional changes . This is a lifestyle change , and you need to be in the right frame of mind to be ready for this change . While it is not the " easy way out , " once the decision is made , the rest flows pretty easily . The decision to have the surgery is probably the hardest part . As one who was morbidly obese , I can say this was one of the greatest decisions I ever made . My biggest regret is that I did not do this 10 years ago . I feel like I have my health back and a chance at greater longevity . It was worth it . Amber - This is only a tool . But it is the best decision I 've made . This is a lifestyle I chose and glad I did . This is not easy , but well worth the hard work and commitment I give . I will be eternally grateful for this tool and my newfound health . Terri - You have to be mentally prepared , because you will have to work at it the rest of your life ! Just because you have surgery doesn 't mean your problem is fixed ! This is a second chance , a gift you won 't want to throw away on old behaviors ! Don 't be afraid to get counseling ! I don 't regret it one bit ! It was the best then I ever did ! I love my new life ! Mark - First and foremost , you need to be mentally prepared for the changes you will be making . You are committing yourself to a new lifestyle and new way of looking at food . You need to recognize that you have an addiction to food and recognize when you are in your addiction these are all things I had to learn to do as well . You need to know that weight loss surgery is not the CURE it is a TOOL , a very IMPRTANT TOOL in the toolbox . If you use it correctly , you will have and find success . I would like to tell you I had weight loss surgery on 4 / 18 / 16 . I lost 195 pounds in my first year . I 'm not bragging , I 'm just trying to demonstrate that I did that because I followed the program laid out to me religiously . I made the decision to do whatever it took to take my life back . That is the kind of commitment you will need to muster to overcome your weight . I know that you can do it and I ROOT for you . RMAP has the best program and support staff available . I am very happy I made the decision to have weight loss surgery , it truly changed my life in fact it saved my life . Follow everything the doctors say to do which will be in your binder and come to support meetings once a month and you will find a new life at the end . Debbie - You definitely have to be willing to change your lifestyle and eating habits . I had diabetes for 15 years and I tried every kind of diet there was to lose weight . When you are taking insulin , you automatically gain weight and inches without even changing your eating habits . It was a never ending battle and I wasted 15 years fighting it as the pounds packed on . So , when the opportunity came to have the DS surgery , I was really read . My life has changed dramatically and I feel I have been given a second chance at life . After two months , I was no longer taking insulin or blood pressure medicine . After six months , I was off of my CPAP , and after 10 months I am down 148 pounds . I have been walking on my treadmill almost every day and my stamina and energy level is the highest it 's been in years . I love the new me , but it hasn 't been easy . You still have baggage you have to deal with which takes a lot of will power and motivation along with a great support system at home , and through the support groups provided by RMAP . Anonymous - Weight loss surgery left me with two tiny discolored places on my tummy , but no visible scars that I can find . Since two of my younger sisters and two younger brothers , all smaller than me , were diabetic , I felt the risk of diabetes was just WAY too high for me to wait around for a diagnosis , too . I had avoided it for many years , but my A1C kept creeping higher each blood test . My mother and her sister were both diabetic . My grandpa and all of his brothers and sisters had been diabetic . Was the surgery worth it ? A MUCH EASIER surgery than having my limbs amputated , little at a time , going blind or any number of other horrible side effects from that horrible disease ! Losing weight is not easy , no matter how it is accomplished , but this tool made it possible for me to lose 120 pounds so far , with very little physical pain . It has been much easier than any other method I have used , and I 've lost the weight in my worth troubled spots , which didn 't happen on Weight Watchers or Adkins . My life was saved by this surgery , as surely as if Dr . McKinlay had pulled me from a raging river to save me from drowning . I had been almost bedfast for years , and now I am participating in life again . The only negative I complain about is that I no longer have fat filling up my wrinkles , so I 'm dealing with looking my age , which I hadn 't before . That is a small price to pay for all the compliments I get on my looks now , and my husband and children 's pride in me . This is really a miracle for me ! So my story I 've been overweight my whole life . I was never concerned about it because I had pretty good health just heavy . After I had my son I weighed 276 I felt confident but slowly worked my weigh up to 401 . My self - esteem went downhill . My mom tried to talk me into losing weight by having gastric bypass like she did . I was very against it because she had so many complications and transfusions . I wanted to know I could do it on my own . So I saw a doctor and told him I wanted to lose weight . He put me on phentermine and I took that for about 2 years . I lost about 60 pounds and yo - yoed back and forth finally settling at 362 . Walking was painful . I ate right but I couldn 't lose weight . My doctor told me I had so many cysts during my pap smear and the results were abnormal ; that along metabolic syndrome and being pre diabetic taking metformin and extremely high blood pressure . He said in all reality , if we can 't take the weight off you may not see your son turn 14 . He was 8 at the time . So the doctor put me on contrave . It helped but I could not get below 341 . It did stop cravings and made me physically ill when it came to greasy foods . So in May I started looking into surgeries . I was set on the gastric bypass but I had a consult with Dr . Simper and being that my BMI was 54 I qualified for the DS . It just felt right . The first few months I wondered what I did to myself . I stepped outside the blue book a couple times and the food made me sick . ( I knew this but had to feel it for myself ) smart people learn from others mistakes . Lol But I 've lost 101 since surgery on 7 / 27 / 16 . I feel good about myself . In fact I even went roller skating with my son and didn 't kiss the floor as many times . Only once . Now I 'm almost 10 months out . I 'm not at my goal weight but I 've never felt better . I have energy and I can look in the mirror and see what I like . I can even sit in a booth at a restaurant or chair at a movie theatre . I haven 't done that in decades . So long story short , it was the best decision I 've ever made . My cysts are all but gone and no more diabetes . I feel like I have a second chance at life . And I have collar bones . www . RMAP . com I married my sweetheart and am a mother of six children , with four grandchildren . We are all very close and my family means everything to me . I have been overweight off and on for 25 years . I have tried to lose weight many times , in many ways . I even had weight loss surgery in 2005 that didn 't work out for me . In 2015 , I started to see the symptoms of some pretty serious health problems . For as heavy as I was , I never really had any problems before this time . But in 2015 , that changed . Seemingly overnight , I developed giant hives that were 3 to 4 inches around and covered a majority of my body . I was miserable . I sought advice from several doctors , and all were unable to figure out what the problem was . The only thing that relieved my itching and diminished the hives was steroids ; and as soon as I stopped taking them , the hives would come right back . The doctors began talking about autoimmune diseases . My blood work was mostly normal with a few problems that they really didn 't understand . Things got worse … I had knee pain , back pain , and foot pain on top of the depression and anxiety symptoms that I had been battling for decades . I was always tired and I never felt good . I really never wanted to go out and do anything ; unless it involved going out to eat or being around my children and grandchildren . Food and family were my only means to cope . In the face of all this , my family doctor suggested a gastric sleeve or gastric bypass . I went through all the qualifications for my insurance company , and found that I qualified for the surgery . I was so excited ! My family was very supportive . During that qualification period , I lost about 30 pounds and that was being on and off of the steroids . On December 16 , 2015 , weighing 340 pounds , I had my surgery . Everything went very well . I began feeling good and lost weight right away . I am very committed to staying on the 70 / 30 plan with no cheats . I even once accidentally licked my finger making a fruit salad with whipped cream and found myself wiping my tongue off with a napkin ! I was that determined not to cheat . People often ask me , " don 't you have a little bite of this or that every now and again ? " I always give the same answer … " Nope ! " I know that I am a food addict and I can 't open that door again . I was losing weigh consistently throughout the year . I was becoming more active and able to get down on the floor and play with my grandchildren . I started to not mind getting my picture taken so much either . I could even walk around the store without getting out of breath . On my December 16 , 2016 , one year after my surgery , I was 150 pounds less than my starting weight . I weighed 190 pounds ! 150 pounds gone forever ! I have never been more happy or excited ! Currently I have 50 more pounds to go , and I still don 't cheat , I stay right on track with the 70 / 30 . I 've not done much exercise at this point , but 2017 is my year for exercise . I know it will help me reach my goals . My husband bought me a new bike for Christmas , and I 'm excited for the weather to warm up so I can get out and ride it . Today I am able to walk around parks , go camping , walk up and down the stairs with ease , and even cross my legs . This year I was able to walk around Temple Square to see the lights with my family . This is something we haven 't done for years because I could never have kept up with them . I am loving my new life and my family is so proud of me . Having a gastric bypass by Dr . McKinley was the best decision I ever made ! Jan 24 By rmap nurse I am 39 . At 36 I had Gastric Bypass surgery . It was a difficult and easy decision . I know that doesn 't make sense , but let me explain . When I was in High School and then college I let my weight limit my life . Once I read an article about Weight Loss Surgery . At the time it was kind of a " taboo " subject . No one really talked about the procedure and what it could do to help people like me lose weight . It was something that was a joke punch line in movies and TV shows … . " Yeah , she should just have her stomach stapled … . . " But after reading that article and feeling more educated about what it could do for me , I made the decision that if there were EVER an opportunity for me to have this surgery , I would do it . Fast forward to almost 20 years later , the opportunity came . And I JUMPED . I found out about RMAP and their success stories on a Tuesday . On Saturday I was sitting in the classroom at St . Marks listening to what my options were . I KNEW this was going to be the answer to how to deal with my struggles . It would be the answer that I was looking for and I have to say that Dr . McKinlay and the nurses answered every question I had . No matter how dumb or silly they were , they answered with kindness . That was so appreciated ! I am 5 ' 10 ' and I weighed 344 that day . I was wearing a size 26 jeans and a 3x top . And I felt shame every time I went shopping for new clothes . Absolute embarrassing shame . I thought that it was something I should be able to control ! I just wasn 't committed enough , right ? That is what I was sure everyone thought when they saw me . " that girl just has no self - control . She can 't even control what she is eating " . Let me say , that isn 't ' true . I tried every diet I could get my hands on , Atkins , HCG , Weight Watchers , Jenny Craig , South Beach … you name it , I tried it . With usually just a 5 - 10 pound result . I mean , I watched everything I ate . In 2011 , I hired a personal trainer and ran a 5k that year . I was running 2 miles every other day - in that year , and I ran religiously - I lost a total of 23 pounds . That was discouraging . How could something that I tried so hard at , end in such utter failure ? October 16 , 2013 was the day of my surgery . I could not be more thrilled with that decision ! It was a long journey , I had a lot of hoops to jump through for my insurance company , but I did them gladly . I was giddy about the fact that I was taking this step towards being healthy and finally , FINALLY not over weight . People would finally see that person I actually was , instead of what I looked like - fat . I felt like I was finally becoming the person I always knew I was meant to be ! And that was such a wonderful and empowering feeling ! I was able to do things that I either thought I was too fat to do , or that I really was limited from . Things like riding roller coasters , or going for a hike or even the little things like going to a baseball game and fitting in the seats or being able to cross your legs when sitting in a char . There are events that come to mind as I am recollecting my journey : 1 . The day I walked into the GAP and bought a pair of jeans . I have NEVER been able to do that . I picked up the size that I thought I would need , put them on and they were TOO BIG ! ! ! So I got a smaller size and then sat in the dressing room and cried . It is such a small thing , but it was such an emotional moment for me . I bought those jeans and didn 't ' want to take them off ! 2 . The day I flew on a plane for the first time after surgery . For years , I would get on the plane and try to discreetly ask the flight attendant for a seatbelt extender . It was humiliating every time . After surgery , I still asked for the extender sat down and buckled the extender into the belt . The person next to me said , " I don 't think you need that , hon . " I smiled thinking for sure they were wrong . But as it turned out , they were right ! Not only did I not need the extender , but I was able to pull the end and tighten the belt . I cried then too . I have lost 176 pounds to date . I wear a size 12 jeans and a large top . I don 't let my weight define me or limit me . I am the person that I always thought I could be . And this October , I will be running my first half marathon . I feel better , and look better and I know that my health has improved . But most of all , I am happy . WLS is the best thing I could have ever done for myself . I am so excited for you and all the Amazing Adventures of this journey is going to take you on . But first I want to warn you this will be the HARDEST thing you will ever do mentally and emotionally . There truly is nothing I can say to prepare you for it , although I can tell you it is worth it . It is so so worth it ! I want you to remember that you are beautiful even before surgery you are worth fighting for don 't ever let yourself or anyone else make you feel any differently . When it gets hard and trust me it will get freaking hard remember YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS ! You 're a strong woman you will find out just how strong you are throughout these next few years you will go through lots of ups and downs . You will meet incredible people that will help hold you up when you are feeling down . You wont regret one second of this Journey that I can promise you ! But I mostly wanted to write this letter to say I 'm sorry ! I am so sorry I didn 't love you enough to do this sooner . I am sorry I let it get as bad as it did . I 'm sorry I let you be so unhappy for so long . My heart breaks that I let you sit on the sidelines and watch life pass you by watch your kids play instead of living life and playing with them . Nov 10 By rmap nurse Until I met Dr . Sherman Smith and the Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians ( RMAP ) team , I could divide my life into three phases . Fat and getting fatter , in the process of losing fat , or trying to keep from getting fat again . I was the biggest baby in the nursery , an adorable pudgy kindergartener , a round rosy faced grade - schooler , and then I bloomed early . Looking back I was probably just curvy but it sure felt like fat in 7th grade . I moved a lot , had few close friends and was teased and bullied because of my weight . I went to college and entered a honeymoon period . While most people were putting on the freshman 15 , I lost a freshman 50 . It was a battle to keep the weight off , but I had the time and the resources to do it . I graduated , met my husband at an almost normal weight and married . Honeymoon over . He was and is a great guy , but he was murder on my health . He doesn 't like vegetables , or most fruit . Recipes at his house start with a family sized can of mushroom soup , a container of sour cream , a pound of grated cheese and lots of love . I cooked what he liked and I got fat again . This time it was emotionally devastating , but by then I was pregnant and that 's a green light to eat , right ? ! The next 15 years were rocky and very difficult for many reasons and I gained 100 + pounds . I started to pull myself out of the funk I was in , I went back to college , got a bachelors and masters degree and a very rewarding job that I love . Still fat . Around 2012 my daddy had open heart surgery to replace a heart valve . When the doctor came out to talk to us he told us the reason my dad would recover was because he cared for his heart and body so well . I was suddenly struck by immense sorrow - if I needed heart surgery or some other major medical intervention , I could give my children no such gift . My body was sick and getting sicker . I talked to my primary care doctor who was incredibly supportive and gave me the truth about my current physical state that was hard to hear . The following March I gave up diet soda cold turkey as a show of courage to myself . When I was six months " clean " I reached out to RMAP . I was blessed to have an insurance carrier who could see I was going to be more expensive without Roux - n - Y Gastric Bypass than with it . I was approved with relatively little fight ( for which I am grateful ) and I had surgery on August 28th , 2013 . It is my other birthday . I was terrified going into surgery , but the nurses and the doctors were so kind . I know many people say that they have very little pain after surgery and I hope that is the case for most . I was in immense pain but the nurses worked very hard to help me control it . By the time I went home I was controlling the pain with minimal narcotics . If you skip the rest of this and read only one part , read this . Commit to the lifestyle before surgery , and seek a support team . I began a 12 step program for overeaters I worked on my own . I consider the way I eat and behave now sobriety . I exercise my faith , see a therapist , go to Support Group , practice positive self talk , and participate actively in the message boards . I am in control of what goes in my mouth but I am very aware that I need to monitor myself to maintain this . I wish I could find the words to relay to you the kind of joy this brings me . The tool of Gastric Bypass gave me the ability to hear my body talk to me again . I am not a fat person anymore . I am a runner , a health food nut , and I 've given my children the gift of a healthy mom . I love myself , I feel proud and accomplished because I took difficult steps to get better . It is hard , but you can do it to . Anneliese is a part of RMAP Patient Advocate Program . She has extended her support to those interested in learning more about weight - loss surgery . You can contact her at the resources listed above . Dec 24 By RMAP Nurse Feeling like the Grinch this holiday season ? Sticking to your goals and being surrounded by food is not easy ! Recently , a weight loss surgery patient shared this advice , " When people bring me something , either overly cheerful greetings I 'd rather skip or food I don 't want , I reply , ' Thank you for caring about me , it 's wonderful to know you thought of me . ' I take a minute and try to really feel the love behind the gesture , and I accept whatever it is . Because , what I 'm accepting is their love for me and not whatever it is they handed me I 'm free to do whatever I want with the plate of goodies or the well - meaning wishes that aren 't quite right . "
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I gave up my Keurig to the ants . They won . They made me and my Keurig their bitch . No more fancy coffee maker for me . In fact , I have been so traumatized by my Keurig ant farm that most mornings I use a Starbucks Via . Last night as I was secretly getting ice cream tidying the kitchen I noticed an ant . Then I blacked out . When I came to I realized that I was not looking at one little ant , but rather at least twenty . I may have freaked out . Freaking out may have included swearing and unleashing the unholy powers of Raid on the kitchen . I figured that wiping everything down , removing the tasty stink big carcasses from the window sill , and spraying Raid everywhere would be enough , and yet this morning there were ants . Not this time people . This time I am waging full scale war . I will spray every ant which comes near my house . I will take no prisoners and as god is my witness , I will never drink ant coffee again . For many months I have known that turning forty would be rough . It 's a silly thing , age , and yet forty has always seemed like the beginning of the end , an age when even venturing into the juniors department would become off limits , when I could no longer pretend to be a young woman . I think that turning forty , in combination with the stress of our move and with having to start a new life felt very big indeed . Amy 's arrival brought comfort , but I still felt shaky . We got our toes done and went to the pool , but I could not ignore the feeling of being overexcited and a little too keyed up , of the day feeling too big - too important . At dinner I could not eat , though I thoroughly enjoyed opening my mother 's birthday gift to me - a box filled with forty surprises , one for each year of my life . Some were silly , like the musical " birthday hat " and others were just perfect , like the turquoise Fiestaware salt and pepper shakers . By the time the day ended I was exhausted , but I did not sleep well and by the morning I could no longer deny that I was a complete wreck . Amy and I had planned a day of junking and nachos , but instead I spent the morning with a half a Valium and some rest . In the afternoon we made it out to a junk store , but I felt sick and exhausted . Last night we ordered in some chicken and watched 30 Rock in bed and slowly I started to relax . By the time I went to bed , this time with a full Valium , I could feel my appetite coming back which was a relief . I slept well , though I dreamed of sharks , but woke up feeling hungry and measurably better . For breakfast I cut a slice of thick crusty whole wheat bread . I put the pieces of bread into the toaster and waited . The edges browned and the slices steamed and toasted . I took them out and spread them with butter . The butter melted into the bread , and when I finally bit into them I knew I would be okay . The toast was perfect , crisp , and buttery . My birthday was over and I was eating toast . Today Amy and I went to a different junk store , ate some nachos , and then we all went out to dinner and I can say that I have recovered and for that I am very grateful . I am most especially grateful for Amy who flew here expecting fun and mostly spent the time talking me out of a very brief 24 hour mid life crisis . How wonderful is Amy ? This is the gift she made me for my birthday . All week I have been secretly preparing for Amy . I bought beer and cheezits , put fresh pillowcases on the guest bed , and quietly hoped that come Thursday Amy would arrive . It got to be so that I could picture her walking into the house and in every imagining I burst into tears at the sight of her . By this afternoon I gave up hope . It seemed like the cheezits were not going to be enough to make Amy magically appear and I became despondent . I would turn forty without nachos , without junking , and without my best friend . I think that I may have mentioned once or five times that one of the top five reasons that I like to homeschool is because I do not have to wake up early to do it . Waking up early just feels , well , unnatural . Unpleasant . Just plain old wrong . Left to our own devices the children go to bed at about 11pm and I fall asleep around 1 : 30am . Then we all sleep until about 9 : 30 and honestly , it just feels so damn good . Anyway , I woke up at 7 : 30 this morning so that I could get Rebecca to camp on time . This meant that I took the dogs along with me to camp where they had the thrill of barking at horses , growling at bicyclists , and shedding all over the car . I am just grateful that they are no longer covered in dead deer . After I dropped Rebecca off at camp I headed straight for the dog walk where , strangely enough , the deer bits were gone . I understand that death is a mysterious and exhilarating event for you . It provides an olfactory playground second only to the smell of a particularly fragrant and gaseous canine anus . I am not unsympathetic to your desire to inspect and sniff that which is deceased . I will even be so generous as to allow for some discreet nibbling . It upsets me to put your putrid bodies into my car and it upsets me that you attempt to sit on my lap while covered in what is most surely scrub typhus or even , dare I say it , the black death . You see , you have sinned twice . You have sinned by being a filthy beast and you have sinned by ignoring me and as such you must be punished , for both of our sakes . If you roll in death , then you must be made clean . Once the sink is being filled with warm sudsy water , it is simply too late too seek a pardon . The simple fact is that you smell rank . Your mournful eyes will only make me scrub harder , for I know that this is an event which will repeat itself again and again and again . Basically , I was living the housewife cliche , sans bon bons which I was out of . Sure , I washed the floors and did the laundry , but that paled in comparison to the sloth in which I indulged . I wish I had spent time with an actual sloth , but that is a story for another time . It was at this party that I learned something very interesting about the French . When we first moved here I met a lovely couple . He is French and she is German . They are beautiful and fun and Mr . Frenchman was very tolerant when I pulled out my wee ( not oui ) bit of french on him . We were standing by the pool when it began to rain . Excitedly , I turned to him and said , " Mr . Frenchman ! Il pleu ! " He agreed and then complimented me on my accent which I can assure you no one has ever done in my entire life . I was tickled . The truth was not as bitter to swallow as it might have been . As a parent I know a thing or two about humoring children , and it is often an act of kindness . If the french wish to lie to me about my accent , I will accept it with grace , wine , and a very loud , " Oui ! Oui ! " . Now that I homeschool I can buy my supplies whenever the hell I want and laugh in the faces of people who will have to fight over the picked over sub - prime notebooks come fall . When your child comes home with a supply list which demands that the notebooks be in the colors mauve , chartreuse , and peach because those are the only colors that Mrs . Mifflebottom will accept , well , at the moment I will enjoy my victory . That 's right , people . I am with my kids 100 % of the time , but I get first pick of school supplies and sometimes that 's got to be enough . On July 7th , we arrived at the six month anniversary of our move to Maryland , or as I like to call it , The South . People like to correct me all the time that Maryland is not The South , but since I most definitely used to live in The North , I will continue to say it . Plus , it amuses me . Lily is always wandering the neighborhood like a young thug with her best pal A . They coordinate their outfits for maximum effect and scheme of ways to get ice cream money from me at the pool . ( They have figured it out . They wait till I am enjoying myself and nag me until I throw money at them just to get them to go away . ) Rebecca also seems to be enjoying her new life . She gets to ride horses and work in the barn which fulfills many of her dreams all at once . She 's made a good friend , enjoys the neighborhood kids , and delights in the autonomy of being a 13 year old with the overdeveloped sense of responsibility one usually finds in a 65 year old pensioner . After a rough start to the year I feel like we are really figuring it out . I 've been teaching Lily by using The Phantom Tollbooth as a cornerstone and I can honestly say that it has changed everything . Similarly , I am using my AP English Poetry book with Rebecca and we are both loving it . This year we 'll add some French and an online science curriculum . The ants in the Keurig incident of 2012 will always be remembered as the moment which reminded me why it 's a good idea to always have wine in the house . There have been no other incidents in the house , for which I am grateful . In the neighborhood we have seen deer , woodpeckers , bunnies , groundhogs , and an egret - all alive . There was a mouse which insisted upon entering its death throws in the garage so that I could drive over it , but David disposed of it before any actual decomposition occurred . I was not so lucky with the deer carcass on the dog walk which smelled so foul and was so bloated , that I , an aspiring private detective could only gag , retch and hold my breath as I went past . Speeding and Parking Tickets : Maryland is a great place which is mostly living up to its potential . Improvements would include friends and family moving here , fewer traffic cameras , and a corner bacon shop . A few tattoos would be okay too . When I was about ten years old I attended Vacation Bible School at a local Baptist church with my friend Heather . Vacation Bible School was nothing at all like Catholic school . For one thing , the Baptists seemed really happy . For another , they let us play with matches . The year must have been around 1982 , and perhaps the Baptist 's belief that God would protect us from harm put their mind at ease as they explained the week 's art project . They handed each of us a box of 500 matches , instructed us to light each one , blow it out , and then glue it to a cardboard cross . No one had ever let me use matches before . They were strictly the purview of smokers , sinners , and psychopaths . I had no idea they were also the tools of Baptists ! I bet that right now you are thinking to yourself , " Hey ! I would like to make a match cross for Jesus too ! " . All you need to do is get some instruments of Satan matches , some glue and follow the directions on this site . You 'll notice that the author emphasizes that this is not a craft for children . She is clearly not a Baptist . Anyway , all week I lit matches and blew them out , thrilled with the feeling of responsibility which was never bestowed upon me by the nuns , whose idea of fun learning was a film strip about lepers . I glued them into place and still found the time to memorize all of the books of the Bible so that I could win a Snickers Bar . The nuns never ever gave me a Snickers bar , just a boat load of guilt and self loathing . Matches and candy . A lesson for us all . Deeply concerned . I have been a witness to my husband on steroids before . There was the Great Poison Ivy Infection of 2006 and the even Greater Poison Oak infection of 2011 . Both of the ailments were cured with steroids which brought out an aspect of my husbands personality that can best be described as The doctor assured me that the equally heavy dose of Valium would keep him in lower case letters and I was comforted , though not convinced . For the most part it 's been okay . David has generally been nice and mellow , and his neck muscles are definitely relaxing . Tonight I found refuge while sitting outside with the neighbors drinking wine . In turns out that wine is the perfect antidote to your spouses roid rage . It may also be the antidote to PMS . I 'll have to do some experimenting to be sure , but hey , someone has to do it . A few days before Derecho 2012 , David played in the company soft ball game . Please allow those words to sink in " company soft ball game " . Not major league baseball , not even the minors . When he told me he would be playing I begged him , " Please , please , please , do not hurt yourself . " It 's not that I doubt his athleticism . It 's exactly the opposite . David spent his entire childhood and a chunk of his adult life both playing competitive sports and dancing and his body is more than a little injury prone as a result . This is the daily battle of his life - wanting to push his body to its limits and his body refusing to play along . About halfway into David 's game I got a call . " Sara , I popped my hamstring . I think I can drive home , but you may have to come get me . " Somehow he got himself home and once there he heated , iced and cursed his hamstring . It 's not important how the injury happened ( sprinted to catch a fly ball ) , what 's important in this story is that he was already injured when he went body surfing at the Jersey Shore . The Jersey Shore is a fantastic place filled with tattoos , Yankees fans , and funnel cake . It is also the place of David 's youth which is probably why he could not resist revisiting his formative years in Jersey 's warm waters . It started out great . I sat on the beach while David and the girls rode the waves into the shore . After the previous few days of heat , blackouts , and general chaos I was happy for a chance to relax and ignore my family , which is exactly what I was doing when I heard David yell . He had just ridden a wave into shore and experienced a serious collision between the planet and his head . He sat up , shook his head a bit and then headed over to me to check for a blood . " Just enough to attract sharks . " I assured him and he was back into the water . The real pain did not come until the next day when in spite of the popped hamstring and having slammed his head into the sand , he decided to swim some laps at the pool , and that my friends is what lead to him waking me up on Saturday morning asking me to take him to the doctor . The laps seemed to have been the final straw , the indignity which caused David 's body to completely revolt . His neck muscles went into a complete and unholy spasm . And it pretty much has . Now David has to be still and let his muscles heal and make peace with a body which demands more gentle treatment . And valium , lots of valium . By the time we got home from the mall on Saturday the news from Pepco was grim . The estimated power restoration would be a week . A week without power in May would have been inconvenient , but not impossible . A power outage coupled with 100 degree July days is another story entirely . We began to formulate a plan to get out of town until the power came back on . We are very fortunate to have three sets of parents who all in their own ways have come to our rescue over the years . Our saviors this time were my dear in - laws who welcomed us into their house in NJ . They weren 't in town , but they made arrangements for us to get into their home where we could wait out the black out in air conditioned comfort . As we made preparations to leave we realized that we had to deal with the rapidly defrosting freezer . It was stocked up with steaks , chicken , hot dogs , pork chops , and spare ribs . The wine and beer in the fridge was still cold so we did the only thing which could be done . We invited the neighbors over for an " All the Meat You Can Eat Party " . It turned into a super fun party . We ate outside on the deck by candlelight . David grilled meat for about an hour and nearly everything was eaten . After everyone left we dragged the mattresses downstairs in an attempt to find some relief from the heat . The children were exhausted from sleeping poorly the night before , the day at the mall , and our meat party in the darkness , so into sweaty heaps they collapsed and slept . David and I slept a few hours , waking frequently from the heat and quiet . Last Friday night began like every other Friday night here in the fair shire of Potomac , which is to say it began with wine at the pool at 6pm . It was lovely . The children splashed about happily while the adults mused about the meaning of life while eating chips and sipping wine . After the pool we came home and sat on the lawn with the neighbors watching the fireflies flicker across the lawn and the kids scooter along in the dark . In was in this near bliss that Brian , Lily 's friend A 's dad said , " Hey ! There 's a storm coming in ! 70 mile an hour winds ! " We could see the lightning in the distance . It was beautiful . The lights flashed , too far away to be a danger , but close enough to portend something big . We chatted for a few more minutes , but as the storm drew closer we went inside . As I was putting batteries into the flashlight the power went out . And stayed out . The storm hit . The rain fell sideways , though fell is not really accurate . It threw itself against the house while the wind tore down trees and the sky , no longer beautiful , appeared to be on fire . Being liberal arts majors with almost no good sense , we watched from the windows as the world ended outside . Finally , the storm quieted but the power did not come back on . The temperature in the house was cool from the air conditioning which was a blessing , but with each hour that the power was out I could feel the temperature rising . We all slept badly that night . I slept with Lily in her room because she was scared and David had to sleep without his sleep apnea mask . In the morning Lily and Rebecca decided that if the American Girl store in Virginia was open we should go there and I was too tired and bewildered by the storm to come up with a better plan . We piled into the car , charging our electronics as we went . The mall was opened and blissfully cool . We were not the only ones who thought to seek refuge at the mall . By the afternoon the mall was packed with storm refuges staking out outlets to charge phones , standing on long lines for food , and generally trying to make plans to get through something for which no one was prepared .
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Sadly , and happily , our wedding is over now , and I can honestly say that it was absolutely perfect ! I will no longer be writing in this blog , as it doesn 't seem appropriate any more . However , I have started a blog called Adirondack Love in which I will be sharing photos and links to help people get ideas for their own weddings - and I focus of course on an Adirondack theme . I cannot even express how excited I am that I finally made the terrarium centerpieces today ! I 've been waiting for literally months , and even though the wedding is ( eek ! ) just two months away , I am still scared that they might die before then . Alas , this is the ONLY time I have left between now and the wedding when I could actually make them , so they are made ! I followed the directions from the Indie Bliss website and I will sort of explain my steps here and show pictures of each step along the way . STEP 1 : I filled the bottom of the 32 - ounce mason jars with smooth river rocks . I wasn 't sure if I was going to run out of stones , so I basically just put enough that they whole bottom of the jar was covered . In retrospect , I wish that I had put a thicker layer of stones so that they would show more , but I am still happy with the result . STEP 3 : Added a good layer of potting soil . I made sure not to get any kind that had fertilizers in it , because I read that moss likes very simple dirt to grow in . I measured out about 3 / 4 cup of dirt . STEP 4 : Added the moss . I bought these adorable little dots of moss from silknparachute on Etsy and they were absolutely perfect for this job . They were mostly small enough to fit through the jar openings and the ones that weren 't broke apart gently . STEP 5 : Miniature animals ! Of course I had to use animals of the Northeast so they would fit with our wedding theme ! The terrarium that will be featured on our sweetheart table has two special animals in it just for us . We took our beautiful McFarland Designs rings to a local jeweler to be engraved . Our rings say , " KRISTEN / RYAN IS MY CONSTANT . " Anyone who has watched the LOST series knows what that means . We really like how they turned out , even though my fingers are so tiny that the words inside my ring are also small . Weddings take away a lot of resources from the earth for a celebration that only lasts a few hours . It pained us to think about this , and when choosing what to give our guests as favors , we decided that we wanted to use this as an opportunity to give back to the earth for all that it has given us . I 've been to several weddings where I received a favor that was cute , but not really useful , and not anything that was really meaningful . We want to avoid this , and so we have decided that for our favors we are going to give . . . tree seedlings ! We found a company right here in New York state called Tree Beginnings that offers a variety of different gifts for all types of occasions , all of which can be planted . Almost all of the items from this store come with free personalization in the form of little cards , slips that attach to the gifts , colors , and even packaging . We chose blue spruce seedlings wrapped in natural burlap with a green raffia bow . We figured that these fit the theme of our wedding best ( the Adirondack woods ) and had the lowest impact on the environment . We realize that not everyone is able or will want to plant a tree after going home from our wedding , and we have a plan for that . We are going to put a little sign ( in one of the picture frames we bought from Rustic Blend - see blog post here ) on the table with the seedlings letting our guests know that if they do not want to take a tree and will not plant it , that it 's ok to leave it on the table . We are also going to encourage any of our guests with larger property or a greater desire to take care of a tree to take more than one if there are some left over . Then , if all else fails , we will take the rest of the seedlings home and plant them ourselves in our own yard . We are also going to use one of these seedlings during our vow renewal ceremony in which we have incorporated a tree planting ritual . I think this will be a really nice way to tie it all together and promote the idea that we are all on the same planet and our love is universal . Tweet We want our reception to feel very relaxed and have an atmosphere that mimics a happy family gathered at a campground . We decided to incorporate some games into the reception to make sure that everyone gets involved and isn 't bored ( especially the large number of people in our families who don 't like to dance ) , but we are shying away from " traditional " reception games . Instead , we want to have games that families might play while camping ! So far we have decided that we want to play wedding Mad Libs and have fortune tellers ( some people call them cootie catchers ) . I will write up the story for the Mad Libs game and we will have a contest and give prizes to the guest who writes the funniest story and the guest who rights the sweetest story . There is a great Etsy shop called Darling Girl Paper that make fortune tellers and I think they are adorable ! We 've got those two games , but now we are are stuck ! What other ideas do people out there in the world have for cute easy games that would remind people of camping with family ? We need your help ! Tweet One of the most challenging things about planning a wedding that isn 't near your home , is finding trustworthy and quality vendors . Specifically , we needed to find vendors close to our ceremony and reception location for things like chair rentals , hair styling , and wedding cake . The internet has been a tremendous help in this search , especially the Adirondack Wedding Association , which is how I found our cake vendor - Stomach Cakes ! We met for a tasting and to discuss design , and Ryan and I couldn 't be more pleased with our choice . Laura is going to make a cake similar to the picture below , but not exactly the same . It will look like a birch tree , have fern embellishments , and have our initials " carved " into the side . It is so cute and fits with our theme perfectly ! We tried our choice of two flavors at the tasting , Ryan wanted peanut butter cake and I wanted chocolate . We ended up totally loving both , but having a serious crush on the peanut butter cake , so we are going to layer both flavors in each tier . That way if some people don 't like the peanut butter they can just eat around it ( and we already know that we don 't have any peanut allergies to worry about ) . A note on the same : No , these cakes do not have stomachs in them ! They are " cakes so good it aches " ! Also , Laura used to be a school nurse , so you can put it all together ! Tweet There are so many different types of wedding invitations out there that no matter what we chose it would have been the right choice , but we still felt overwhelmed . Once again , Etsy saved the day ! We found adorable invitations from Inky Livie that totally fit with our wedding theme , and are casual enough that we are comfortable using them for the vow renewal . The weight of the trifold cards is substantial and the printing is spotless , plus Asa was great at communicating through Etsy conversations . They were printed on 30 % recycled material paper from Waste Not Paper , so that helps us to limit our environmental impact as we celebrate . Check it out ! I thought finding jewelry for my wedding would be easy . I thought I would see exactly what I wanted and purchase it . I thought that my style and taste was common . I was wrong . Thank goodness for Etsy ! I decided to requisition custom jewelry from JJCraftworks . I knew that I wanted my necklace and earrings to have some green to complement my shoes , and I wanted five pearls to represent our five years of marriage ( just like the five stones in my new wedding ring ) . I also wanted something that would tie in to our nature theme , but I wasn 't quite sure what that would be . I decided that I liked the " leaf link " design best , and chose the pearl color I wanted . Jenn asked me questions all along the way and kept me in the loop during her creation process . In the end I was provided with exactly what I wanted ! My advice to brides looking for the perfect jewelry is to explore Etsy , find a shop that sells jewelry in a style that you like , and start a conversation with the owner . More often than not I have found that Etsy sellers jump at the chance to make a custom piece , and it never hurts to ask ! In keeping with our rustic Adirondack theme we didn 't want to forget about the table numbers . Many couples create table numbers that match the look of their invitations or escort cards , but we wanted to do something different . I found an amazing shop on Etsy called Rustic Blend that makes birch bark photo frames - and the best part is that the owner lives in the Adirondacks ! This is just perfect for us , because not only are we able to keep with our visual theme , we are able to keep with our environmental theme by purchasing from a local craftsman ! I started a conversation with the owner , Faith , through Etsy and we came to the agreement that she could make us ten frames that all look slightly different but are the same size and made of the same materials . We intend to use most of them for table identification , two will have information about favors and escort cards , and the rest will have photos from our " I Love You " photo shoot . I say table identification instead of table numbers because we are actually going to name each of our tables after a favorite campground . I love these frames ! They are high quality , sturdy , and beautiful . Each frame holds a 4 x 6 photograph . They came with little dowels to be used as stands , and can rest vertically or horizontally based on our needs . Faith even gave us a cute little ornament with our initials on it ! When deciding on menswear for the wedding , it is important to keep in mind a few things : Formality - How formal is your wedding ? If you want to keep things traditional , then a tuxedo is the way to go . If you are trying to keep it more casual , then perhaps a suit is the better option . When considering all of those variables , and factoring in the fact that it is only Ryan and my father who need matching attire , we decided that suits were the best option for our wedding . We looked at some pictures online and liked the appearance of a vest and suit pants , with the jacket taken off . We also considered colors , and thought that brown would be our first choice , and gray our second choice . In both stores , as soon as we crossed the threshold salesmen were attacking us from all sides . Ryan really just wanted to look around a little bit and get his thoughts together before asking for help , but they wouldn 't let this happen . We didn 't even see anything that we liked at Macy 's , because they only had one vested suit and it was the totally wrong fit for both Ryan and my father , so we spent a very short time there . Hoping that Men 's Wearhouse would give us a different sales experience , we went over there with high spirits , but were greeted with the same thing . When describing the look we wanted to the salesman , he was very discouraging and basically tried to tell us that " three - piece suits aren 't really being made any more , " even though I know that can 't be true . Even though they are not as popular , we all knew that they are still being made , and he should have just showed us what he had . Instead , he showed us the " only two " vest separates that they had in the store , neither of which were what we were looking for . At this point , we felt that the image we had in our minds wasn 't going to work , and we needed some time to rethink what we wanted to do - alone . . . without a salesman breathing down our necks . Unfortunately , this wasn 't going to happen . We explained to the salesman that we wanted a little time to just look around and think and that we would come get him when we were ready for help again , and he left us alone for a few minutes , but very shortly after a second salesman came over to see if we needed help . We politely declined , but in the amount of time it took us to turn around the original salesman was back again ! My father suggested that he and Ryan just try on a few things , and maybe the act of trying on suits would spark an idea . Once again my dad has proven that fathers really do know best ! Great advice , Dad ! We couldn 't find a lot of brown suits that didn 't look like potty colors , so we decided instead that a dark gray pinstripe would be nice . While pulling jackets off the rack for Ryan to try on , lo and behold , the salesman found a few gray pinstripe three - piece suits with vests ! If he had just let us look at his stock of vested suits to begin with , the whole process would have been a lot easier ! It even turned out that the first vested suit Ryan tried on was perfect and exactly what we were looking for , and they had it in sizes to fit both men ! Thankfully , picking out the rest of the ensemble was much easier than finding the suit itself . The salesman , Ryan , my colorblind father , and I pieced together a shirt and tie combination that is going to look amazing . We decided against a clean white dress shirt , since Ryan intends on wearing only the vest without the jacket , and if he stands next to me in my ivory dress wearing a bleached white shirt , I am going to look like dirty teeth . Instead , we chose an ecru color , which will make my dress seem brighter . They have quite a lot of ties to choose from at Men 's Wearhouse , and we were easily able to choose a tie that complimented both the suit and shirt , and also had sublte touches of green to compliment my shoes and our wedding colors . Although we had to deal with some pushy and not - always - helpful salesman today , Ryan and I both like Men 's Wearhouse a lot . This is actually the third suit he has bought from that store , and they always have a really great selection of shirts and ties to fit his needs . The prices are great as well - today he got a deal that allowed him to buy a second suit for $ 100 , which worked out great since we needed two suits . It didn 't matter that one was for my dad and one was for Ryan , as long as they were paid for together . Overall we are very happy with the purchase and I look forward to seeing two of the three men I love most in the whole world look amazing on our wedding day ! ( I 'm sure my brother will look amazing , too ! ) Tweet This evening our wedding officiant , Mimi Phillips , came over for a visit so we could discuss the progress we 've made on our wedding ceremony . Wow , she 's amazing ! I don 't think we could have found a sweeter more understanding person to marry us { again } if we 'd looked for two more years . She remembered us on a such a personal level from only one meeting , and even wanted to know how our wine turned out - which we told her we were going to make several months ago . Back in October when we met Mimi for the first time she loaned us a book called The Wedding Ceremony Planner and we 've been reading through it for a couple of months . Aside from the fact that the author lives in the town next over from where Ryan grew up , I love this book because it breaks down every little part of the ceremony and has worksheets in the back ( which appeals to the teacher in me ) . We picked out all the different wording that we wanted for the parts of the ceremony and wrote down our favorites on a photocopy of one of the worksheets . We even found a tree planting ritual in the book , which is absolutely perfect for us , and we are really excited to include this in our ceremony . We found that , although this took a good chunk of time to do , it was really easy and very worth it . Thankfully , Ryan and I agreed almost unanimously on which wording was the best for us ; however , we are still having trouble finding the right vows . We didn 't really feel like any of the vows in this book fit our personalities , and we can 't seem to find what we are looking for on the internet . This is where Mimi comes in . She came over to our house and we all sat down together to look at what Ryan and I had been working on over the last several months . Mimi looked at our worksheet and copies from the book and then dove right in reading aloud the ceremony as we had planned it thus far . It was really nice to hear her read it aloud , since she will be the one reading it on the day of our ceremony , and it gave us a chance to edit as we went when we heard something that didn 't seem right . Our next step , now that the three of us have combed through the wording , is for Mimi to type everything up and let us look at it , and then work together on finding or creating the vows that are perfect for us . She plans to practice reading our ceremony a few times and let us know how long it takes her to read . We are concerned about length , because it will be a July afternoon and could be very hot . After we looked through the ceremony plans , Mimi stayed for a little while to chat . We talked about what we have planned so far , looked at pictures of the ceremony site , and ogled over our new wedding rings . This was especially important because we also had the opportunity to talk to Mimi about our lives on a more personal level and discuss things unrelated to the wedding . She helped us brainstorm some ideas for things we are having trouble with , and counseled us a little bit on how to deal with Ryan 's divorced parents during the ceremony and reception . This was really important to us , because there are some things that we are going to need some outside perspective in figuring out how to handle , and she has probably seen just about every situation out there at this point in her officiating career ! Earlier this week I was asked by Milena of There Is Always Room if I would like to be a guest blogger ! As a professional organizer , this month her blog focuses on wedding planning . She was interested in my ideas about not using any live flowers ( or flowers at all , for that matter ) in our upcoming wedding . I was very honored to be asked to do this and I hope everyone will take some time to visit Milena 's blog ! Reflecting on my post about not using flowers , I started to wonder if people actually knew the environmental costs of cutting live flowers for use as decoration . There are a variety of sources explaining the environmental and social costs of the cut flower industry , and when researching one has to be careful to make sure the source is reliable . A site that I particularly like is a blog called Reduce Footprints . They published an article in December 2008 explaining the negative impacts of cutting flowers , and also offers some ways to keep flowers around in a more environmentally conscious manner . Please take some time to learn more about the environmental impacts of the actions you take ! Maybe I am behind the times , but I just discovered Etsy Treasury , and I love it ! Treasuries are listings of 16 items that a person has chosen to group together for a specific reason , such as items of the same color , theme , or search word ( and sometimes for no reason at all ) . An individual can create as many treasuries as she wants and then choose to share them with the public or keep them private . Then I thought - why not create a treasury of items that I love from Etsy which fit my wedding theme ? So I did ! I chose many of the items that I have already purchased for the wedding from Etsy sellers , and I chose a few others that fit the theme and I loved . I wanted to embed the treasury into my blog , but Etsy does not have an embed code for treasuries , so they suggested that I add all of the items to my favorites list and share what is called an Etsy Mini . Have fun and create one yourself ! I 'd love to see what other people come up with ! Tamara McFarland , of McFarland Designs , creates jewelry made with recycled metals and conflict - free stones . She also donates a portion of her sales profits each month to a different charity in order to help make the planet healthier and happier . Because of her dedication to earth - friendly ideals , we chose her to create our custom wedding rings . " All precious metals at Hoover & Strong are 100 % recycled . When it is necessary to obtain metals from other sources , we buy metal from other earth - friendly refineries that , like us , only use recycled metal . We require any secondary refinery to provide in writing , full disclosure of their metal sources . " The situation with gemstones is a bit more complicated . Everyone has different ideas about what the best ways are to protect workers and the environment , and as with many other ethical conundrums , it can be tough to know what the right decision is . While I am always open to considering other perspectives , here 's what I 'm comfortable with right now - ( 1 ) lab - created stones , ( 2 ) stones that are mined and cut in the US , and ( 3 ) stones obtained from outside the US through channels that can be verified to be promoting environmental health , worker safety , and local communities . With all this transparency about Tamara 's material sources , we decided that she was perfect for us . Although there are other jewelers out there who try to work in a similar fashion , we were sold on Tamara 's honesty on her website , quality of previous work , and the ease with which we were able to communicate with her about what we wanted . After several emails back and forth discussing different options , Tamara created these beautiful rings for us out of recycled 14k white gold : Initially we had tried to incorporate a diamond that we had been given by a family member , but it was difficult because I wasn 't comfortable shipping it across the country , and the ring design I really wanted ( which is what we ended up choosing ) wasn 't going to work with that stone . The ring that was designed for me has 5 stones - one for each year we will have been married at the time of our vow renewal . They are alternating moissanite and emerald , which are our birthstones ( moissanite is a lab - created stone , similar to a diamond ) . This afternoon , Ryan and I took a trip up to Copperfield to get another look at the ceremony and reception sites , meet with the sales manager , and finalize some plans . We are a little more than 5 months away from the wedding at this point , and I highly recommend that a couple about to be married make a second visit to their ceremony site at this point in the planning process . It was a wonderful chance for us to reconfirm that we love the areas we picked , and it put my mind at ease , as well as giving me some additional information which I needed in order to proceed with planning . We arrived a bit early for our appointment , and since the property where we are holding the ceremony is a park across the street from the inn ( called the Kellogg Property ) , we decided to take a walk over and check out the ceremony site again . Even though we had to traipse through half a foot of snow to get there , I am glad we did it . It allowed us to visualize where we want chairs , what direction we want people to face , where my father and I can hide before we are ready to walk down the aisle , and where people can park if they don 't want to walk across the street from the inn . We rented chairs from Bullseye Party Rentals in Glens Falls . They are going to deliver , set up , and remove the chairs for us on the day of the ceremony . Today we tried to figure out exactly where we would like the chairs to be placed inside of the pavilion . After our walk through the snow , we met with the sales manager to talk about some details . My first goal was to get rid of all the things that had previously been written as " To Be Determined " in our contract . At this point , I want everything to be set , and I don 't want to leave anything up in the air . This meant that we decided on the time for the cocktail hour and reception , chose the cocktail hour location , and made sure that enough of our guests had booked rooms so that we wouldn 't have to pay a fee . This was all really easy and put me at ease . Now that we know what time the reception is set to begin , I can order invitations ! The sales manager also talked to us about the location of tables for gifts and place cards , and where we can have the DJ set up . She showed us some of the items the inn has available to us for use as decorations . This mostly consisted of hurricane lamps . They are bigger than the jars I purchased for the terrarium centerpieces , so I don 't think I will use them on the main tables , but I might be able to utilize them for the gift and place card tables . And the reception will be held in the back half of the Great Room . This room has doors that open onto a stone patio , which is very lovely , but it was much too cold to go outside for a look today . The wall in the middle of the room folds open or closed as needed ( and sort of reminds me of the cafe - gym - atorium that we had at my elementary school ) . Since we don 't have wedding attendants to help us with things , and we won 't be having a florist , I had a concern about how to get the tables decorated and when and who would do this . The sales manager said that two things could be done - either we could set the tables up ourselves the evening before , or we could make a sample table in the morning and the inn staff could then copy what we had done . Since we are only going to need six tables , we decided that we would be most comfortable setting them up ourselves the night before . That way we don 't have to worry that they are done right and we can set it aside and not have to think about it the next day . To end our wonderful visit to North Creek , we chose to eat lunch at Trappers Tavern , which is located inside the inn itself . We have to get photos taken in here by Tiffany before our wedding is over . This place it so cool ! If it were big enough , we would seriously have the reception right inside the tavern . On June 16 , 2006 - for varied and complicated reasons - my boyfriend and I eloped in secret . Almost three years later - for even more varied and complicated reasons - we broke the news to our family and friends . Now we have decided that it is time to have the wedding ceremony that we never had in the form of a vow renewal . Follow us on our journey . . . Blog Archive
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11 On our road , there are two and a half miles between the hard road where my cousin 's farm is and the river ford . There are a handful of residents on the first half mile of the road . Once you get past that , heading out toward the river ford , you 've only got scattered hunting cabins other than two houses plus ours . There is a woman who lives in one of these houses . I 've had several interactions with her in the past year . The first interaction involved her car being broken down when she picked up her kids from the bus . I was on my way out to look at our then - under - construction house and I took her and her children home in my car . My second interaction with her , months later , was when I was passing her on the road . I happened to have my window down and she rolled her window down and told me that I drive too fast on this road and she didn 't like it . I thanked her for letting me know and went on . Now whenever I drive past her , I make sure my window is rolled up . FYI , this is the woman who drives 5 mph who stopped in the road and picked up the turtle . Yeah , I didn 't like it that that incident made me like her a little bit . She still drives too slow . When I say 5 mph , I 'm not exaggerating . Sometimes it 's 3 . And I hardly think driving 15 mph on this road is acting like I 'm on the Autobahn , so yeah , it annoyed me that she gave me a hard time that one day . I think she 's rude and bossy . ( There is no posted speed limit on this road , though I 've been told it 's commonly considered 25 mph on rock - based roads in this area . I don 't know for sure . It 'd be difficult to go any faster than that without careening over a cliff , so I suppose no sign is posted because the rough , winding road forms it own limits . ) It 's simply not necessary to creep along this road , though , which is what she does . Two and a half miles is a long way at creeping speed . There are various points along the road where I could go around her if she stopped or even pulled over just a little , but she never does that . She forces me to creep along behind her . For two and a half miles . If I have to pass her on the road coming from the other direction , it 's always me who has to move , not her , even if it 's harder for me . One time I came across her and she stopped her car in the middle of the road . I waited for her to move over at least a little to help me pass her . She didn 't move . Eventually , she got out of her car , marched up to my car window , told me I had 4WD and she didn 't so she wasn 't going to move over and I 'd better just figure out how to get around her . I asked her if she could move over just a little since there was a CLIFF there and she was in the MIDDLE of the road . She could move over a little to help , 4WD or not . Nope , not budging . I get a sense of resentment from her . I 'm an outlander , " that writer " who built that house on the hill and pretends to be a farmer . I 'm a blight upon the community and she 's letting me know , in her way , that I 'm not welcome . And then there 's the fact that I came with all those teenagers . She doesn 't like them , either . She came stomping up to my house one day to complain about the way 17 drives . She thinks he drives too fast and she doesn 't like it . ( Are we sensing a pattern here ? ) I thanked her for letting me know . Then she complained about him at the sheriff 's office , too . In the house where this woman lives with her little children , they do have electricity , but little else . They have no phone service and no TV . Their house is actually two old single - wide trailers put together , and there is mildew almost completely covering the outside of the trailers . I don 't think they have any electric heat because in the winter they are always burning wood and I always think they are going to burn their trailer ( s ) down . Sometimes I complain that I need money , but all I have to do is look at their home when I drive out the road to know that I am blessed . Their living situation is the classic image of stark Appalachian poverty . I do think this woman is good - hearted - she stopped and got that turtle out of the road - and she is country - wise - she is one of the neighbors I watch to see if they will drive to the river ford or not . But I would never tell her that because I don 't like her . Well , maybe the truth is that I like her , but I don 't like that I like her because along with good - hearted and country - wise , she is so abrasive . Mostly , I just try to avoid her . Which isn 't hard since I have 40 acres to seclude myself . But whenever I drive out the road … . . There she is , somehow , always , when I am on the road . Then the other day I came across her on the road , stopped . She 's strange , so I just went past her then I thought , hunh , maybe I should check , so I stopped the car and told Princess to get out and run back there and find out if she was just stopped for no reason ( or , heck , actually moving and I can 't tell because she drives so slow the human eye cannot detect the motion ) or broken down . Princess ran back down the road then ran back . The woman 's car was broken down . Remember that the first time I ever interacted with this woman , I gave her a ride because her car was broken down and all she 's ever done since then is give me a hard time . With great reluctance , I got out of the car and walked back to hers and said , " You want a ride back to your house until you can get some help ? " ( Cuz , like , if she 's got car trouble , I can 't do anything about that , but I can give her a ride home . And on that stretch of the road , far past the handful of houses at the head of the road and with the river ford closed to traffic from the other direction right now , she 's not likely to get help from anyone else . ) I could look her in the eye and see that I was the last person in the known universe from whom she wanted to accept help . But she took it . And I took her home . We drove a mile down the road ( at 15 mph , about which she made nary a complaint ) and chit - chatted awkwardly about the big storm and I was so relieved when we got to her house and I could let her out . Our phone was out that day ( in the aftermath of the storm ) , and I told her , " I hope your phone is working so you can call someone because our phone is out . " She said , " We don 't have a phone . " And I felt really bad because I knew that ( her little kids had told that to Princess one day on the bus ) but I had temporarily forgotten because , well , everyone has a phone . or so you think , and it 's such a basic that it slipped my mind that she didn 't have one . But she said she would use her other car to go get someone to help her with her broken - down car . And , rid of her at last , I drove away and felt good about helping her in spite of the fact that I didn 't want to help her . I felt good about it , well , honestly , partly because she didn 't want me to help her . I think it annoyed her that I helped her . ( Revenge ! ) And I know that someday I might need help and she is one of the few people who live out here and now she has to help me whether she wants to or not because I have helped her twice . ( Self - serving ! ) And you will need her help one day . There are resons that you have had so many run ins with her . 52 is a wise man , wise beyond his years in so many ways . The day will come when you see her that you will smile and thank your lucky stars that God made your paths cross . And that 's why you will continue to be blessed . Because you put aside the fact that this woman is abrasive and helped her anyway . Do unto others as you would have them do unto you . We 'll wait and see , won 't we ? I 'm bad too . xxoo I 'm guessing that she 's originally from West Virginia ? And she drives that slowly ? We live in Maryland and when we go squirrel hunting in the fall near Seneca Rocks ( no , I don 't actually go hunting and no , I don 't eat them ) , the one thing I 've learned about the yellow warning signs on the road is that , if a sign shows a curve ahead with a 40 mph limit , then doing 40 mph is actually pushing it and you 'll be hanging on for dear life if you do . The other thing I 've learned is that generally West Virginia people drive FAST . If I 'm doing almost 60 in 55 mph zone , I guarantee that just about everybody will pass me and leave me in the dust . We love West Virginia and hope to move there one day . Oh and by the way , we just received a batch of Americana chicks yesterday and we have a few that look just like Sparticus . We 've already named one Maybelline because of the heavy eyeliner look . Enjoy your blog ! What goes around comes around . You are being neighborly and you never know when you may need her help ! Many other people would have not stopped . Look at what happened here in Hartford , CT in which an elderly man was hit by a car and no one bothered to stop and help him , people were driving around him ! It is sick . Kudos to you ! I came upon your website via Twitter & Sarah ; so glad I did . I might have to forward you our Ann Arbor discussion on chickens and how they want to have ' em in town & what a fess it is making . I like the topic because I 'm a wannabe country folk who never made it out . But still love horses and all just live between the city & country . Wow , Suzanne , thanks for helping your neighbor , especially THAT neighbor . I guess we know that Yoda is right . I could go on and on about what MIGHT motivate this neighbor 's attitude and actions but instead I will just say thanks , you did the right thing , and may the force be with you ! 52 is wise ! ! ! I would be she is testing / tormenting you for the same reason he explained . I cant stand people like that dang it ! ! ! LOL When I worked as a ' welfare worker ' people would judge me because I worked there and ' handed out ' the benefits . But so many of the people just wanted to know that I had difficulties too . Maybe not to thier magnitude , but that my life was not all roses either . That seemed to melt things away . HOWEVER , in your situation - I have no advice as to how to change her - like 52 said ya have to look at her differantly … dont ya hate it when men are right ! ! SSSHHHEEESSHHH … . LOL You might want to consider reinforcing the lower part of your chicken run with hardware cloth . Raccoons can reach through and grab chickens through chicken wire or anything wide enough to get a paw through ( and can rip right through some chicken wire ) and pull their little heads off . You may want to bury the wire several inches in the ground so that nothing can dig under . I am using a dog run for chicken run ( with chicken wire over the top for hawks ) and was advised that even though my set up and fencing was strong , it was not going to prevent coons without the hardware cloth . I loved your post today , btw . We have a few slowpokes like that on my holler too . I think their reasons for driving so slow are several : they 're in no hurry ( no job , no activities to rush to ) ; they want to preserve the life of their vehicle ; or they really are scared , even though they live on this road . But they 're neighbors , and it 's best not to make bad feelings with neighbors . I 've learned to use the time to look at the wildflowers and other plants , update my planner , learn a new song , whatever . I only have to follow them for a few miles . She probably does resent you . You ain 't from here , even if your family has been here for generations , she prefers to think of you as an outlander . You also seem quite well - to - do to her , and green - eyed envy might be part of it . And a writer - well , you know about them ! And if you aren 't all about you , who will be ? Good on you for trying to understand this strange relationship . Most of the time we as people do not have the right motivations … . . but helping others out is always right ! ! Way to go … . I can only imagine how uncomfortable it was for the both of you in the car . She was probably thinking how glad she was that you were a speed demon at 15 mph so she could get out of the car that much sooner . That was a great example for your daughter to see . : thumbsup : I have a neighbor similar to that . He has caused us numerous problems in the past . I would be dying of dehydration and still wouldn 't ask him for a drink of water ! I don 't think the woman is reaction to * you * personally . It 's what you represent , perhaps . I mean , often when someone angers us or we take a dislike to them , it 's reflecting something inside of us that we don 't like or perhaps wish we had - an aspect of our personality . Everything is a mirror of our own reflection . : fan : Well the good thing is , if she doesn 't have a phone , she probably won 't have a computer to see your blog ! I think you will end up being her angel . Even though you may not see eye - to eye at this time , your paths may cross in such a way that you guys might end up friends . It sounds like she needs a friend ! ! ! ! As rural as it is there , she is probably worn out just surviving . Have a heart , woman ! ! ! I know you do ! Have a great day ! : purr : P . S . Maybe her car won 't go much faster ? ? ? ? ? ? ? And she pretends to hate speeders ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? : guitar : Love today 's post . For 12 years I lived in a small Ozark town in AR . and for those five 5 years to the locals I was a transplant . And treated as such . As for me , I acted no different and eventually they actually liked me . You are awesome . I loved this story . I 'm not quite as magnanimous as 52 , but I hope I would have given the woman a ride just because it 's the right thing to do . Even with unpleasant people , it 's better to kill ' em with kindness than let their annoying behavior make you behave badly ( and thus feel bad about yourself ) . Besides , it has to be hard to be her . It seems to me that maybe she isn 't a very good driver and is afraid to go faster . From what you are saying , she might be a single Mom . She might not have driven much . When I first started driving , I was the slowest driver anywhere . I had to gain confidence in my abilities before I speeded up . You did the right thing by helping her . You will never be in the wrong by helping others . It is humbling for us to have a man be right once in awhile , isn 't it ? ( as long as they don 't do it often ) . Have a great day and to all . Oh wow , I would have given her a ride too , but then had to grit my teeth the entire time she was in the vehicle with me . The right thing to do isn 't always the most pleasant one . I remember when I moved to a small town in TX and I was the " foreigner " there … it took nearly 20 years to be halfway accepted , then I moved . : rotfl : Hopefully you never have to turn to her for help . She might be one of those people who will do anything for animals / wildlife ( like her turtle incident ) but may just drive right on by you … or rather , inch her way by you while shooting daggers at you with her eyes … . Your actions towards this woman have set a good example for your children and no doubt , you are the Angel . I feel sad for her children and I do hope they each obtain a good eduction so they don 't live their lives in despair like their mother . I agree with Mary in that I also think the lady needs a friend to talk to . Continue your good deeds and and don 't let this lady 's " road rage " upset your life , not even for a minute . And I love those beautiful chickens ! DragonLady My husband also has his , ' Yoda ' moments risking a good smack very now and then . Perhaps , you should bake a loaf of grandma bread and either you , or one of the kids take it to her as a peace offering . When people , such as her , live hard lives , it can make them hard for no reason . A little bit of kindness shown toward them , some softness in a life full of rough edges can sometimes take the edge off them . it can also back fire and make her think you think she is poor and needs help feeding herself and her kids because sometimes life makes people mean for no good reason and no amount of kindness can keep them from being a sh ! t . Yeah , life can be a crap shoot like that sometimes . That last comment was a good one , well , wait they all were , and I agree ! I have a mantra I chant each time I encounter a person who is abrasive like that … ' I get to go home … she on the other hand has to live with herself . ' It 's a long mantra , but it sure does ease the pain of the interaction . You are a good person for helping , no matter what your motivation . And if you do need her help in the future I hope it is for some tiny little thing , because she might hold something bigger over your head forever . Oh the thought … Ohhh man , have I had those kind of people to deal with ! And read stories about similar . First of all , I have to agree with 52 , being a Christian . We are accountable to God , for how we treat others , and leave it in His hands for how they treat us . I also know every case is different . For instance , I have chosen to stay away from a girl , who acts like she is the EPITOMY of Christians , who in fact is very devisive , hateful , rude . on and on . I choose now to stay away from her , after giving her AMPLE opportunities . Yes , I forgive her , but that doesn 't mean I have to continue to take that abuse , depending on the mood she is currently in . In your case , you do have to deal with her often . It is like she is purposely testing you , I agree . " I 've lived her longest . . you are an outsider … I am jealous of all you have " , ect . I would " kill her with kindness " and I feel she one day will return it ( not that you care , but to make life easier LOL ) . I would almost go out of your way sometimes , to bring her a pie or or do something kind . " Just thought of you today and hope you like pie " . . type thing . She may become your STRONGEST ally one day - totally loyal to you . That is how Ruth Graham won over the mountain fold in her biography - showing love and devotion for them and they would end up so loyal to her it was unreal . Hope that helps … just my 2 cents . LOL Now in the flesh ( as they say - some of those that are so Heavenly , they are no earthly good ) … you want to just Jap slap her . LOL Or sick Georgia on her , I am sure . A natural HUMAN reaction / emotion . P . S . - just being funny … we can always pray BOTH her cars break down OR she can 't afford gas . LOL But , no , her children would suffer ! OR that she moves … gets moldy lung or dies of trailer trash . . LOL My new favorite expression is " Kill them with kindness " . I have found that works more often than not , in the small community I currently call home . And pie or bread delivered fresh to her door might also give you a glimpse of her life and vise versa , which would be eye opening . Laura What I 'd like to know , though , is how she manages to drive so slow . I 've never been able to go that slow unless I keep my foot on the brake ! Even without my foot on the gas , my cars never went slower than 10mph ! I guess 52 is right . It 's part of the price for living where you live . Depending on the kindness of strangers or neighbors can be difficult . Plus there has to be some what of an envy factor on her part … You have a new home , satellite TV , phone & internet . You are a truly good person ! As is 52 ! As I read your post , I wondered what her childrens ' lives must be like . Any kindness shown on your part will benefit her children . And you are NOT an outlander since your family has been there for generations . Even if you were born elsewhere , you have simply returned . I 'm sure Mr . Fifty - Two ( 52 ) is right , but you 're probably more honest . Who wouldn 't want to rile that woman ? So don 't go beating up yourself or your character . I have a neighbor who sounds like her ( not the driving part or the phone part or the trailer part since I live in the big city , but alike personality - wise as in " It 's all about me and what I want " ) and I secretly want to go egg her house at night while she 's sleeping ( do witches sleep ? ) , but I don 't so I 'm counting that as strenght of character on my part . That 's my story and I 'm sticking to it . When my parents moved to thier little hometown USA , they had an older well educated neighbor lady and she was a pain too . She 'd come over and dictate how the shrubs should be cut , and this and that , letting my father know who was boss . They continued to be polite , ect . And over the years , this crabapple neighbor would eventually bring them seafood from trips to the coast and dips and this and that and then chat , ect . My father ended up helping her husband in a diabetic state … they lived by one another over 30 years , and ended on a good note … it just pays to do the right thing , ALWAYS . 52 is right . Help should be given with no consequence expected . That said , you can 't help but not like to like her . * G * And no one ever said you had to like her . Again , I love your blog ! I read it every day . . today I will be babysitting my grandkids and we are going to make some of your Grandma Bread , gotta start those traditions … . . I agree with one of the other comments above , I have raised chicks for years , have lots of chickens and lots of eggs to eat . . I think Spartacus is an Americauna chicken and I suspect she is a hen . . I will keep watching for her pics . We could always tell the Americaunas by what I call the " Cleopatra eyes " . About your neighbor , we live on the end of a country road , dealing with wash outs , etc , and NEIGHBORS who come out with GUNS when they think you 're going too fast . Our neighbor scared my visiting sisters so badly they don 't like to drive here after dark ! I love your line about your neighbors ' very existence being about you , I am guilty of that feeling sometimes ( O . K . , a lot ) and it helps to remember the world is not about me … but hey , sometimes maybe ? KathyB . Darn it , 52 is right ! I hate to admit to a man being right about anything ! We have neighbors that are very similar to the woman you helped . I think her rudeness stems from what she perceives as you having a easy life , which she doesn 't see herself ever having . The pettiness is her way of getting getting revenge on you . Hopefully you two will become friends one day . I hear turtle soup is delicious ! For a gal who has not - much , a turtle in the road could be a bit of a delicacy for that evening 's meal , you never know ! I would have picked up turtle and found some water for it , but then I have a bit more than not - much . You 're not a bad person , so stop that . She resents you because you have what she will never have . You 've chosen to overlook her ill temper and help the less fortunate . I 'd say that makes you a pretty stellar person . Be careful how involved you get with this person . She will never cease resenting you , and that is not your fault . It may go underground , but it will be there . Don 't ever let her make you feel bad about yourself again . She is only abrasive and ornery because you let her . If you just accept who she is she can 't bother you . I had a Psychologist friend tell me that ( female ) , then had it reinforced at an Alanon ( sp ) meeting . It still is hard to do I guess I 'm bad because I was thinking that after she got into your car you should have driven about 40mph . She couldn 't complain , could she ? LOL You call her an angel … and she truly , probably is … because there are no ' coincidences ' in life . She has been put near you for a reason that , right now , only God knows . Just wait ! ! ! The day will come , and I want to hear about it when you can figure out what REALLY is the purpose of you and her being neighbors ! I hope my last comment didn 't come off sounding RUDE . I did not mean it that way . I LOVE you Suzanne and I LOVE your blog ! Everyone should have a thorn in their side . She 's obviously yours . Always be nice , she may be the one to introduce you to St . Peter when you get to the pearly gates . Registration is required to leave a comment on this site . You may register here . ( You can use this same username on the forum as well . ) Already registered ? Login here . Discussion is encouraged , and differing opinions are welcome . However , please don 't say anything your grandmother would be ashamed to read . If you see an objectionable comment , you may flag it for moderation . If you write an objectionable comment , be aware that it may be flagged - - and deleted . I 'm glad you 're here . Welcome to our community ! Email Address : " It was a cold wintry day when I brought my children to live in rural West Virginia . The farmhouse was one hundred years old , there was already snow on the ground , and the heat was sparse - - as was the insulation . The floors weren 't even , either . My then - twelve - year - old son walked in the door and said , " You 've brought us to this slanted little house to die . " Keep reading our story . . . . This bread sound so good , , I am certainly going to give it a try . I am going to make the dough using my bread machine . Thank you for sharing . P . S . I showed my husband this post and he said " If she makes soap for them again , we can stop by and pick it up and deliver it for her " . He 's serious too - free same day pick - up and delivery just so he has an excuse to go to Pocahontas County . . . . LOL ! HI ! Thanks for the post - we can all stop worrying now . My husband and I have driven by that store . We love Pocahontas County . It 's awesome they are selling your soap ! yvonnem on Note From the Swamp I gotta speak up and join in with Brookdale and Louise - sure miss you and am starting to get worried . I too know that you are extremely busy with the farm , workshops and Etsy , but please just say " Hi " and let us know all is well . yvonnem on Spring View I agree with Brookdale . We haven 't heard from you in a while . Just making sure everything is alright with you and yours . We miss you . Check for a post daily . I too know that you are very busy . Happy 1st day of June from Alabama .
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Every single night . That 's how often we remind God that we really freaking need Him to work out each of their futures . They fold their tiny , chubby hands and pretend to close their eyes , carefully watching to make sure mine stay shut . And we pray . We pray to the God who knit them into wombs already knowing that we would be here . That we would be in this place ; this unnatural , response - to - tragedy place where none of us truly want to have to be . I can do my part . I can hold them close for this time and love them hard and petition God on their behalf until I am hoarse ; but working out their futures is not and never will be a task He gives me . He has never , ever asked me to determine their future steps . He hasn 't asked me to stay awake late into the night , filling pages with " best case scenarios " and " plans A , B , C , and D " to keep little , tiny humans in families until they grow up and create families of their own . He hasn 't asked me to pour over scientific journals and anything else the internet has to offer about mentally ill mothers successfully raising their children . He hasn 't asked me to analyze every interaction with birth moms and grandmas and women I walk past on the street who maybe , just maybe , could have a role in this child 's life , long - term . It 's simply not my job . My job , then ? My job is to believe Him for them . To teach them , in this short time we have together , that our God is One to be trusted . What we do here , in this unconventional family - - what we do here is trust God to love us like He says He loves us . It 's how we keep walking , how we keep following when the path is too foggy for our purposefully untrained eyes to navigate . The same prayer every night , aloud , and then a few million groaned ones throughout the day . Jesus , remember us . Work it out . Continue to work it out for us . We trust You . You are the only One for this job . And then all together , we say amen . We give our affirmation . Let it be , Lord . And we thank Him . Asante Yesu . Thank you , Jesus . Not because we can see it but because we beliePosted by stories and wiping sticky hands . It 's remembering constantly how deeply He cares for these kids and trusting Him to reveal that to them and to not relent in working for their good . It means trusting Him even when things don 't go the way you would have hoped or thought best and continuing to pray for the children all the more when they are out of your hands / view and in someone else 's . It 's saying yes to things that are likely to do foster care ? " kind of way , though there 's nothing wrong with that . Maybe in a " Here I am . Here is my home . Here is my time . Here is my heart . Here is that . But it 's something . Prayer : there is so much power in this ! it blesses me ( and our babies ) so much when visitors who come to Neema House pray over the children , their families , their futures . Contact me and I will so so gladly match you with a child who would so greatly appreciate your prayers . Think about how you who have children pray for them and commit to pray the same way for a child who has no one to pray those bold prayers for them . It 's quickly becoming a favorite place of mine though I 've only spent 6 - 8 hours there in total . Honestly , my first minutes inside were full of timidity and nervous observation . As the gate was slowly unlocked , pushing willful escape artists out of the way , it was as if we were being welcomed into a cage full of lions . My eyes were busy scanning the scene , never lingering too long to avoid being surprised by an unexpected encounter . The noises greet you before you even cross the muddy path that brings them into sight . Screams , groans , bickering , singing , laughing , conversation , crying . This is Kenya 's one and only mental institution - - the " civil " women 's ward . Wangare * meets you at the gate and squeezes you so tightly you feel like your organs will come out of your mouth . Not just upon greeting , but every few minutes . Sneak attacks from behind are her favorite , and maybe mine too . Her laughter echoes through the stale walls and urine soaked floors . She proudly buries my entire arm in the pit of her own and drags me throughout the whole ward , introducing me as " rafiki yangu " ( my friend ) . I am blown away by the honor of her introduction . I strangely miss her in the hours I am at home , surrounded by people who respect my personal space . Alice * repeats the same few sentences repeatedly , sharing her desire to become a US citizen . She follows too closely for my comfort and sees a way - too - small opening on the bench as a an eager invitation to sit . After a few minutes , I lose feeling in my left leg and run out of graceful responses to her repetitious mutterings . Her husband visits her daily and I would say she is the best dressed women in the ward thanks to his faithful efforts . She treats him poorly when he comes but he keeps on coming back . This kind of love baffles me . Mary 's * sweet demeanor meets me at the gate every time . She has more love in her frail 80 pound body than anyone I 've met . Her story will cut your heart into pieces and yet she is the first to tell you that she does not doubt God and His power . She speaks so sweetly of her God and I love Him all the more . Though she was granted permission to be discharged months ago , Kenyan hospitals require you to stay until you can pay your bill in full . It is a practice synonymous with prison . She tells me she is fasting and as much as I respect her faith , I beg her to eat . Her bones protrude and her gait is weak . I tell her she needs to remain physically strong so she can care for the children who wait expectantly for her . She nods with brimming tears . I ache to erase her pain . I stand in awe of her resilient faith in the same God I call my own . Sarah * talks to me about the mzungu ( " white person " ) she knows , assuming if we are both white , we obviously must know each other . I listen for a few moments as she skips sentence breaks and talks without end and then intervene to tell her to eat the food she has collected before it gets cold . I just need a small break from her incessant talk and maybe if her mouth is full my ears can have a rest . Just as her mouth is filled , she breaks into singing the Kenyan national anthem . Some women stand in respect and other just look on . The one I feared the most is now a friend , as I have learned the key to her heart : food . She is nonverbal , very stout , and wears only a medical gown which barely covers her front and hangs open in the back . She seems unable to recognize when her stomach is full , so roams around to each person who is eating , demanding they give her some of their portion . The wise ones have learned to quickly fulfill her request so as to avoid an altercation . She has been abandoned again and again and again until she reached adulthood and no one knew where else take her . If for no other reason , I want Jesus to hurry up and come back just for her sake . This beautiful woman doesn 't respond when I ask her name , but she yells loudly that God will come . I nod my head and grab her hand , telling her that He is already here . We both look around and say it aloud . " He is here . ( Mungu ni hapa . ) " I have to believe it , though I feel my own doubt creep in as my eyes scan the scene once again . But yes , even ( or most especially ! ) in a cage full of urine soaked and wandering women - - He is here . Women . Women who have moms and dads and childhood memories and brothers and sisters and husbands and CHILDREN and gardens and market vendors who know their name and how many kgs of flour they will buy this week and homes they wake up to sweep . This cage is filled with moms and daughters and wives , not wild animals as I had once believed . You can see the kindness in Jane 's * eyes the second you meet her . She remains quiet , except to warn me when I am about to sit down on a bench that is covered in human , adult excrement . Though she does not join any of our conversations , I watch her and her love for others amazes me . She gently scoots down the bench to sit next to a severely ill woman who is unable to feed herself . Jane has learned that the woman just needs help getting the food into her mouth , where she is then able to push the food down her throat with her index finger . Before Jane even takes a bite of her own food , her heart beats for the others around her . The one most precious in my heart is the one who brought me here . She puts her limp , sedated arm around me and says " I am bad " . Together we lift her chin and force her eyes to meet ours . " You are not bad . " " Do you hear ? " " You are not bad . " " Jesus is here and He says you are not bad . You are His child . " " Do you hear ? " As if speaking to a child , I will her to believe me . I will not tell a lie . I also will not allow a lie to be spoken without calling out against it . Satan will not be the loudest voice echoing through this place . Not in the ears of my friend . He will not reign here . She asks to come home with me every single time we visit . I ache to say yes , but know that she needs just a little more time to adjust to the medication and be reviewed . I cannot blame her for even one millisecond for wanting to leave . At the same time , I am encouraged to no end by the work God is doing when I see the precious friends she has made in just one week here . They are sisters . The most beautiful sisters who seem to not even imagine withholding love from someone who is different . I hide tears behind my sunglasses at the sight of their love for one another . I love so deeply the God who chooses to be present in places as seemingly hopeless as this overflowing prison . He pulls us out of the miry pit and even when we still feel neck - deep in the muck , He is there with us . I just love that God . I love the Jesus who tells us as He walks this pain - ridden earth that these women that fill this cage are absolutely precious to Him , a king . Giving our whole lives to them is not a waste , it is worship . A personal pet peeve of mine is the constant asking God to come and join us as we worship Him . Though I don 't know that the invitation does any harm , can we just believe assuredly enough to skip right to THANKING HIM for being here ? And if we have to invite Him even into our churches , what about the places where darkness is tangibly thick ? Can we trust Him to be there or is it our duty to unlock the gate , push back the ones trying to break loose , and give Him a place on the bench ? Is the God who lifts my head and goes before me the same God who has the same fond affections for these seemingly forgotten women , sisters , and mothers ? I ask Him the whole way home . I so need Him to be and the next time I go , I ask Him to show me Himself so clearly because my eyes are new at this stuff . The recognizing Him in hurt and pain and injustice is something I am just beginning to learn . I need him to pick up my eyeballs and place them in front of His sweetness every single day here . Today the muddy , soiled ground where overmedicated women lay was recognized as undoubtedly holy ground . I saw Him everywhere . He was in the patient doctor ( one of TWENTY FIVE mental health specialists in a nation of over 43 million people ) who spoke lovingly to the hundreds of women in her care . He was with and shining so brightly from precious Mary who keeps on believing He is working for her good , even now . He was in my sweet friend who shared the precious fruits and soda we brought her with the sisters she has found here . He spoke through Margaret * as she took a weeping woman in her arms and assured her over and over again that this pain will not last forever . He is in Wangare 's * laugh and tight squeezes . He is all up in the laughter that just doesn 't quite make sense in the conditions these women live in . He is there - - where women and moms and daughters and sisters endure . Though most of the country , their own families included , have given up on or forgotten them , God is there and He is crazy about them and He is not going anywhere . That kind of love leaves me breathless . I still don 't really " get " it . I can 't explain it to others who ask and I will be the first to admit to anyone that it doesn 't make much sense to me . I have found a place on both sides of the fence at one time or another - - the one which asks hard questions and believes the worst about the One who set it into motion and the one which asks hard questions and clings to the Truth , as is and as will be . I am always wondering when and how we are supposed to fight and simultaneously trust God 's sovereignty . Sometimes the two seem mutually exclusive in my mind . Some days I wonder why the heck we put ourselves through chemotherapy if we trust Jesus and His good , pleasing , and perfect will . Other days I am knocking down doors and busting through road blocks because surely , this cannot be what God wanted . I think I 've been waiting to talk about this because I keep thinking that maybe next week I will grasp it a little bit better , or at least not swing so rapidly on the pendulum . It 's true that nearly every time I open my Bible , The One Who Remains The Same changes , reworks , or expands my view on things that the day before I thought I might just have figured out . This conversation below is the one we have the most frequently . And most certainly , I will read another scripture tomorrow that tweaks what I understood to be true today , just a bit . The awesome thing is He never stops teaching and that HE Himself never changes - - so for that reason , I am writing . In EMT school , after weeks of CPR training and testing , we were presented with the odds of CPR actually bringing people back to life . While difficult to measure , the statistics are surprisingly low - - below 7 % is a good guess . Some say as low as 1 % . It was 12 : 15am and I was just getting ready to have my intern papers signed so I could leave - - midnight had finally come . Now I was headed home to sleep for several hours before going back to school . The machines started beeping and the small , but sure , nurse began to shout out orders until the closest doctor arrived . A finger landed on me to begin chest compressions . It should have come as no surprise that standing over a real , warm , bare - chested human and putting my weight into the pursuit of pumping her body with blood , a job that intricately designed organs were meant for , would be quite different from my experiences with a plastic dummy . This woman beneath me , the one absorbing the forceful heart thrust I was delivering every second , was real and so was her daughter who was waiting outside the door . Forty two minutes later , her heart had shown no interest in re - programming and beginning again . The doctor called the time of death and I stepped down from the stool , my arms seemingly frozen in the position they 'd held for those long , but fast - as - lightning , minutes . As I finally drove home from the ER , I was able to talk to a friend in a different time zone who was still awake . She asked me if I felt bad that the lady had still died . For some reason , I didn 't really . Giving up a fight is always hard , but such solace comes when you can say with certainty that you did all you could . My role that night was small . As I physically begged this nameless woman 's heart to kick back into gear , others worked furiously to provide adequate oxygen and intravenous epinephrine and atropine to give this woman her best chance of coming back to life . Instead of going to class the next day , I went to get a massage in hopes of being able to use my upper body again someday . I have never been so sore in my entire life . I really did wonder if my shoulders would be stuck like this forever - - if I would always look like I was gripping reins while riding a horse . The pain felt good though , in a weird way . Even my body was crying out that " we tried , dadgumit , we tried . " Better than me , the doctor and nurses who didn 't give up on a pulseless human for 42 minutes , knew the odds of bringing someone back to life . This was not their first cold body to cover - - not their first tearful daughter to encounter with news she was praying against . But they fought . We fought hard . And then we trusted . Maybe the trusting should have preceded the fighting , but in the end , I know it was there . We see it often in Scripture , the call to fight . " Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless . " " Seek justice for the oppressed . " " Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves . " Act , speak , seek , defend , stand , love - - we have a role in this fight , those words ( and so many more ! ) are our proof . We are all called to a fight , all the while knowing true justice is not something we will see on this earth right now . I am so results - focused . Quantifying successful loving has been a struggle for me since I started following Him . I want to win . I want to make a difference . I don 't want to waste a second . I want my chest beating to bring life back and we want our banging on the doors of brothels to put little girls back into families and to reacquaint them with their innocence . We want our tears and our petitions and our time and our sacrifices to be rewarded with success . I do , at least . But the thing is , I don 't think He really promises us quantifiable results or measurable success . At least not the kind I seek . He tells us to fight , undoubtedly . To stand with , to defend , to speak , to act . . . But He doesn 't tell us this will end slavery or get the number of orphans in this world down to zero . I don 't think we 're supposed to be so concerned with that , honestly . I 'm also starting to think He also doesn 't always promise us the good , peaceful kind of sore that lingers to remind us we did all that we could do . If it comes , let me see it as a sweet , kind gift . If it doesn 't come and I begin to demand it , maybe this has become far too much about me . Maybe He wants us to linger for a bit in that anxious " put me in the game , coach ! " place of constant seeking and surrendering , offering ( way too obnoxiously , perhaps ) to be used if He will let us . There are the things He doesn 't promise us . . . and lots of times the sting is big . But the things He DOES promise us are good . So good . He tells us He will be with us . He tells us He will be Himself for us . He tells us that if we fight , " then [ our ] light will rise in the darkness , and [ our ] night will become like the noonday . The Lord will guide [ us ] always ; he will satisfy [ our ] needs in a sun - scorched land and will strengthen [ our ] frame . [ We ] will be like a well - watered garden , like a spring whose waters never fail . " And if that 's not enough , He tells us He is coming back for us and none of this crap that called us to a fight will even be worth comparing or remembering . There are days I convince myself I am fighting alone . Many days , unfortunately . I ask Him why the little girl who always ran home from school to show me her A 's is now the same girl who was pulled out of school and is being sold for sex instead . I ask Him why that boy has to confirm the scoffs of the " I told you so " ers and find himself back in jail , when it 's impossible not to see he is the greatest victim . I ask Him why no one who has any kind of power seems to give a damn that orphans are being oppressed , right before our eyes . I ask Him why the lady who drops her handicapped sister off on the street every morning to beg for money is rolling in wealth while her sister is pushed lower to the ground every day . I ask Him why all of this medical knowledge , all of this gifting is reserved for the sick who are rich , while body bags are overflowing in the slums . I have so many questions . I know He cares ; I know I only care because He cares ; so I cling to what I know of who He is and join the fight . The results are His , my only obligation is jumping in and trusting that He is good . " The truth is we may never fully understand why God allows the suffering that devastates our lives . We may never find the right answers to how we 'll dig ourselves out . There may not be any silver lining - - - especially not in the ways we 'd like . But we don 't need answers as much as we need God 's presence in and through the suffering itself . Explanations , I 've learned , are often a substitute for trust . For a believer , God 's chief concern in your suffering is to be with you and be himself for you . And , in the end , we discover this really is enough . " - - Tullian Tchividjian Posted by As a general rule , I 've mostly found that people think you 're an " awesome person " if you live in Africa . Especially if you live in the bush and poop in holes and sleep on thin mattresses and take baths in buckets . . . in the name of Jesus . Even more if you hang out with sick people or orphans or the poorest of poor . It makes me cringe from the inside out when this is put onto me ( it 's fine on the others , I even put it onto them along with everyone else ) because I know what goes on in my heart and there is so so much that isn 't awesome . . . but it probably doesn 't show up very clearly in the pictures where I am snuggled up with brown orphans . It was an act meant for good , without a doubt , but it watered the young seeds of some pretty ugly things in my heart . I think I was in 9th grade . I was a regular at church and Sunday School and Bible Studies for social reasons . It was fun and I loved the people and I was a generally nice person , so no one really looked twice in question of whether or not I ' belonged ' there . It worked . I will never forget it - - the Sunday School teacher came over and picked up my thick , colorful " Teen Study Bible " and held it up in front of the entire class . She said something along the lines of THIS type of Bible being the kind we should all have . THIS type of Bible was covered in stickers and doodlings ( a result of extreme boredom and easy access to stickers during a Bible Study . . . ) . THIS type of Bible had wrinkled pages ( a result of everything I touch being ruined within minutes . . . Homework , school books , etc just ask any teacher I ever had ) . THIS type of Bible had stains and rips and tears and unbound pages ( again , I am mess . Lord only knows yogurt , rain , juice had soaked into the pages and by that point the mold was unhindered ) . THIS type of Bible was highlighted ( because for the first couple of years of church , camp , Sunday school , etc I followed the rules and highlighted stuff they told me to highlight ) . THIS type of Bible was clearly and visibly well loved and we should all have Bibles that look like THIS . My face flushed red - - a common occurrence - - but it was boiling hot in this instance because I was scared to death that she would ask my favorite verse , what I was learning in my non - existent " quiet time " , or worse , a Bible trivia question to prove my alleged faithfulness to the Word of God . That would surely shut this party down . I knew the second she grabbed my Bible from my lap that this was now a lie I would have to work to defend . I was doing things right . I was someone who the others in my class should learn from . If she only knew . . . My sins perhaps weren 't the kind that necessitated being added to the email prayer list ( Sally is drinking , I think . John smelled like pot once . . . so he is smoking pot . Amanda is probably anorexic . Sam is sleeping with his girlfriend , I 'm pretty sure . Tommy loves the new Eminem CD , etc ) , but they were a plenty . The hidden kind are so often even more destructive than the exposed but what I was learning is that hiding sins and highlighting your Bible was all it really took . I 'm using this example because I have experienced how detrimental it is to keep your sin and struggles in the dark . To remain quiet , letting people keep on thinking that you are an " awesome person " . I can recall precisely where I was when I first heard this truth come out of my CD player in downtown Athens : " The best thing that could ever happen to you is that your sin would be literally exposed in the five - o ' - clock news . Your deepest , darkest , most embarrassing sin . The one you work the hardest to hide , would be broadcast on the five - o ' - clock news . Best thing that would ever happen to you … Because I am so weary , I am so tired of having to hide my sin from people . Of deceiving people about who I really am - I 'm tired of it ! " ( Derek Webb ) I literally felt nauseous at the thought of my sinful heart bare naked before the world . It left me speechless . It even gave me nightmares . Holy crap , that would RUIN ME . Why ? The answer scared me even more . I was letting people think I had things together and was living right because I could usually be counted on as a designated driver , kept my Bible on my nightstand , drug myself out of bed for church ( most ) Sundays , tried to be nice to strangers and smiled a lot . I remember exactly where I sat as I heard my pastor in Athens say the words of Paul ( in his own way that I don 't recall ) " a sinner , of whom I am the worst . " What ? ! It stopped me in my tracks . I think it was my first Sunday at my new church in my new city . It was the most beautiful gospel message that I came to hear every Sunday . It was a message I desperately needed to hear every Sunday . It was a message I needed to preach to myself daily . If it was okay for my pastor to need Jesus this much , it was okay for me . It changed absolutely everything for me . I am not sure it was truly the first time I heard it ( from a pulpit or a church leader ) or if it was just the first time God opened my ears to receive it . But it rocked me . So hard . For good . I don 't know what I was or wasn 't before , but now that I was beginning to see and hear and learn that being a Christian means quite the opposite of what I had previously thought - - I knew I was in this time around . He had me . I wanted to follow this guy who actually WANTS the people who don 't ( and will never quite ) have their shit together , for lack of better words . Anyway , if you think someone is awesome ( for reasons other than NOT being awesome , but because of God 's sweet grace ) but you can 't name the sins they struggle with then you probably need to get to know them better . Please , get to know me better than to think I am awesome . ( ( I know this is a laughable statement to my close family and friends who are well aware that I am anything but . . . yack it up , people . ) ) Get to know Katie Davis or even Mother ( freakin ? seemed right ) Theresa better than to think they , as a single unit , are awesome . And if you want people to think you 're awesome , you 're certainly not alone . Talk to Jesus about that ( it 's a conversation we have often because being seen as an awesome person doesn 't sound so bad sometimes ) . I 'm just saying maybe we need to start looking up to the people who straight up suck at most of the things Jesus asks us to do . The ones who bear fruit because they ABIDE not because they 're good at what they do . The ones who actually , truly , deeply , wildly need His grace , they don 't just know how to talk about it . Some of these people are in Africa , no doubt . But a whole ton of them are getting a different kind of dirty in a different kind of war zone . Maybe there 's is less glamorous to their facebook friends , but it 's every bit as beautiful . There is a reluctance , if I 'm honest , to allow myself to dream for them ; but don 't earnest , shut - eyed prayers always lead to open - eyed dreaming ? I have not found another way . It was my turn to run the call and the seasoned paramedics snickered as we bumped along Cascade Road and arrived at our patient . He was a " frequent flier " as they call patients who too often find themselves hitching a ride to the Grady ER in the back of our ambulances . He had called 911 himself . He was high on cocaine and despite the paramedics eye rolls , he was telling us in his most serious tone that he was ready for this to be his last hit . He wanted to quit . She shifted in her seat and looked me in the eyes , saying she was ready for a new life . She was tired of depending on her body to keep a roof over her family 's head ; her family that consists of children and their children . Her daughters scoffed in the seats behind us , two babies sitting on their laps . The next strip club we passed , one called out " Oh look ! They 're hiring ! Hey mom , have you changed your mind yet ? " They didn 't believe her . Why should I ? Bundled up in a blanket she made with all of her spare time , she tells me about how she will live by the ocean with her sister and spend her days freelance writing . When her disability checks start coming in , life will be so different . She has been living in shelters for years now , but month after month shares visions of where she would like to be in just a few more weeks . Seeing her sit on the same bed week after week sends a tinge of pain as I realize her dreams are not coming true as quickly as she would like . His voice was muffled as we sat separated by a wall of smudged plexiglass . I leaned hard into the phone receiver and willed my ears to make something of his hushed mumblings . Though I missed bits and pieces , his message was clear : he was falsely accused . Another man should be wearing this orange jumpsuit , not him . Isn 't that what everyone says when courts are threatening to remove them from society to pay penance for a wrongful act ? I wasn 't sure . Her children are proof that she has not been attentive to their needs in a way that a mother must in order for little bodies to grow and thrive . The neighbors throw a hand in the air saying it is a tragedy that she was physically able to give birth to life . The nurse who examines the weak bodies sighs with anger and says she would love to give their mother a piece of her mind . The neglect is undeniable ; no excuses of ignorance seem justified . She doesn 't have much to say for herself . The evidence is laid out before him and onlookers are quick to remind " once a street boy , always a street boy . " He cannot be trusted and anyone who ( ever ) believed otherwise was just being foolish . He admits , finally , to the destruction he has caused and promises he won 't let them down again . He begs forgiveness , it is granted , and the scene repeats itself just days later . His birth family has disowned him and his foster family is encouraged by others to do the same , being told that they have given it their best shot . Isn 't there a time when it 's appropriate to accept defeat ? To throw in the towel ? These are just a few examples , but I think we run into these people every day . Hopefully more than running into them , we seek them out . Sometimes it hurts to dream for people when not many others are . When " wisdom " tells us they don 't deserve our dreams , dreaming on says that we see them ( or are straining to see them ) as Jesus does . They need this . We need this . We believe with the cracked out man because he needs someone to believe with him that even this can be overcome and we happen to know a God who can do big things like that without batting an eye . We believe with the friend whose children called her bluff from the backseat because she needs someone to believe with her and we happen to know a God who can do big things like that without batting an eye . We believe with the lady who dreams of a beautiful , less - dependent life outside of a women 's shelter because she needs someone to believe with her and we happen to know a God who can do big things without batting an eye . We believe with the huge man in orange whom I barely know - - not that he is innocent , who really cares ? - - but that this is not the end of his story , because he needs someone to believe with him and we happen to know a God who can do big things like that without batting an eye . We don 't have to believe with them because it is a safe bet or because the odds are in their favor or because they 've proved themselves trustworthy or because they really seem to " want it " . We can do all of that without Jesus - - it is not so bold to walk a tightrope that is lying on the ground . We can believe with them because of all that they are not . All that we are not . All that HE is is certainly enough for us to enter into their dreams . Y ' all . It 's supposed to be us sitting beside the cracked out man as his body seeks to ruin him if he does not go back to the substance it has come to depend on . We are the ones who are Holy Spirit empowered to believe with someone who has only known one way of life that things can be different - - that God is able . Is this not our own story of redemption ? When we 're not all that impressed with what God can do , it shows . It shows when I join the " encouragers " who pat her on the back and say she gave it her best shot , time to send him back to the streets because he has had about 7 trillion chances . It shows when I stare too long at the statistics on men who are released from prison actually staying out and living productive lives in society and throw some distinguishing water on the fiery dream that wishes things to be different , at least for him . It shows when I deceitfully nod my head and pat her on the back as she dreams of a different life , but cannot help but glare hopelessly at the seemingly permanent impression her body has made in the third bed on the second row of the shelter . It shows when I succumb to what I do not know about this man , accepting what has already been decided about him based on how many times a week he shares this same desire , only to be picked up again and dropped off at the ER for a repeat of the week before . It shows when the first time I hear she has gone back to what she knew , my frustration overcomes me and I deem her as a " lost cause " until she truly wants to change . It shows when I join them in anger ( that seems so so warranted when innocent childrPosted by They come in and out of the room and ask question after question and I repeat , for what seems like the 3 trillionth time , what little I know of his last six months and twenty three days on earth . I unload the broken pieces I know of his story and we work together to fill in the gaps . I catch myself saying words like " usually " when describing his habits and then realize I have only known him for two days - - what do I know of his usually ? I remind the doctors and nurses and nutritionists who probe me again and again that we are still nearly strangers . He cries incessantly in the crowded waiting room and women look at me with eyes that will me to please , for everyone 's remaining sanity , find a way to make the baby in my arms be quiet . Though our skin tells that I didn 't birth him , they look to me as if I am the only one in the room with the ability to calm him . As he squirms and writhes in discomfort , I want to tell them that they are welcome to give it their best shot , because he doesn 't yet know me from any of them . I hold his abrupt entry into my life against him at times , sometimes wanting to cry back at him during especially public or drawn out meltdowns that " this isn 't too fun for me either , kid . " I get so frustrated with 10 little pounds of pure innocence when I want to get more than 45 minutes of sleep at a time . I question if this is really where I 'm " called " to be if I have such a crappy attitude about it a good bit of the time . And then I go to the dark place of imagining Katie Davis , not only being super excited at the chance to love a sick baby all throughout the night , but also sharing her faith with the nurses and doctors and other patients in the ward ( instead of the negative attitude and complaints of their negligence ) . Comparison kills . All this to say , I am learning lately that there is nowhere I can go where I will need His grace any less . I seek out those places , in search of the " perfect fit " or " my calling " thinking that because of the way He made me , I certainly ought to need Him less there . Why haven 't I landed in that place yet ? I sigh and think " Man . I really thought I would be pretty good at loving sick kids . Guess I was wrong again . . . . Back to the drawing board . " Sometimes I just get tired of needing Him so damn much . Good Lord , can we not take off the training wheels yet ? ! I am familiar with this . . . I signed up for this ! Why can 't I fly solo here yet ? Is it ever coming ? ! If not , am I in the wrong place ? Why am I not more joyful in this moment ? Why isn 't this natural and beautiful and lovely and effortless and " like breathing " yet ? Posted by
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I 've been thinking that the joke about " people texting each other inside the same house " might not be such a bad idea . Or carrying around a white board . Or sticking notes in lunch bags . According to a study released last week from Harvard - affiliated Brigham and Women 's Hospital , 1 in 5 teens now has at least a slight hearing loss , due possibly to iPod volume . The study , conducted with almost 5 , 000 kids , showed slight hearing loss increasing in the past 15 years , with the number classified as " mild or worse " increasing by 70 percent ( 1 in 20 ) . ( Oh , so when my kids say " Mom , you never reminded me " when I 've told them something important and then they forget - it might not be a lame excuse ? ) Hearing loss or not , written words might just be a great " extra " way to communicate with kids . It would definitely help younger children build their writing and reading skills . And it might be a way for parents to say a lot to teens who think everything over two words is a " lecture " . ( I once read about a mom who wrote letters to her teen daughter and stuck them under her bedroom door once in awhile . It was a way for her to give advice to a girl who " didn 't want to hear it . " The mom figured the daughter probably just threw them away , but years later , the daughter showed her she 'd opened and read them all and had saved them all , they had meant so much to her ! ) I also remember , from my years working at a community college and giving " learning styles tests " , that people understand things best in different ways - there are those who learn best through hearing , those who need to get " hands on " to understand a concept , and those who need visual elements for something to sink into their brain , like pictures , or words . Lately I have noticed a few other positives with the written word as a way to communicate . My teen is usually a lot more polite in phone texts - I see the words " thanks " a whole lot more than I hear it . And when she 's not polite , it 's not quite as annoying in print as it is in person . I mean , reading " WHERE R U ? ! ! U WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK ME UP ! ! ! ! " is so much better than having it yelled in my ear . Of course , as I mentioned in a previous post , writing things down is often necessary for us to communicate with our French foreign exchange student . But sometimes it can be a case of the blind leading the blind , if we don 't spell things right . ( " CYOTE " read one scrap of paper I found , as Andy tried to let her know about the wild animal that has been stalking our neighborhood … I don 't think she found that one in her English - French dictionary ! ) It got really confusing when Allison tried to help her understand a science assignment . Go figure - Cleo 's first week in AP Environmental Science , and the teacher has them read Dr . Seuss 's " The Lorax " as a parallel to the study of sustainable development and deforestation . Can you imagine her confusion with the English word combinations , and the " unique " words that Theodor Geisel is famous for creating ? Allison tried her best to explain " Grickle - grass " . And a " Once - ler " , who lives in a " Lerkim " , in clothes made out of " miff - muffered moof " . ( Gee , even my MS Word spell check is going crazy … ) It 's hard enough explaining everyday stuff like " homecoming mum " and " armadillo " to her , let alone a Snuvv ( that lives in a gruvvulous glove … ) I carried them for nine months and nursed them for at least as long ; went through morning sickness , nausea , a C - section , VBAC , migraine headaches , and major sleep loss for them ; got carpal tunnel syndrome and had to completely change my wardrobe - you 'd think my kids could at least look like me in some way . Some daily , visual nod to the fact that I AM THEIR MOTHER . But in my case and that of many other moms , " it just ain 't so " . I mean , there are adoptive moms I know who resemble their children more than I resemble mine . Neither one of my kids looks anything like me - not that I would want them to completely , but it would be great if at least one of them had eyes like mine , or maybe the shape of their face … instead , I have to be satisfied with sharing " sort of similar hair color " and " crowded mouth " with Emmie , and " hair thickness " and " excellent teeth enamel quality " with Allison . Nothing else , at least that I can see . Allison 's eyes are like Andy 's father 's , her ginger hair color is Andy 's mom 's , ditto for her myriad of freckles , and her face shape is all - Andy . Emmie 's eyes , nose and face shape are all - Andy , and she has freckles , too . I just think there 's something nice about family members looking alike , especially when there 's more than one child in a family , with some children favoring the mom , some resembling the dad . It 's like a " balanced tribe " . My brother and I look like my mom ; my sister looks like my dad . Andy looks like his mom ; his sister looks like his dad . As we age and change , sometimes it takes old photos to see the resemblance . I have a friend who once posted a couple of her and her husband 's elementary school photos on their fridge , next to their two sons ' school photos taken in the same grade . I 'd never thought they looked so much like their kids , but the resemblance was uncanny - hers was almost identical to her oldest son 's photo ; her husband 's was identical to the youngest son 's . Last Sunday , I had the chance to do something similaYep , I think it 's an exclusive club , we non - look - alike moms . Sometimes it 's especially hard being in it , like for women who have gone through rough divorces - with their kids looking very much like their exes , I 'm sure that sometimes it 's a painful reminder . Or women who are the mothers of all boys who resemble only their father . Talk about feeling like an outsider ! Guess I should count my blessings that right now I don 't look like my kids . At a time in their lives when Mom is uncool and they 're trying to carve out their own identities , maybe looking like me would only make things worse . And maybe it 's especially good for those days when they misbehave in public , when I hope , hope , hope no one thinks I 'm their mother . I 'm certain I 'd be pretty believable if I shrugged my shoulders and said , to sympathetic onlookers , " I 'm just the chauffeur ! " I 've written about surprises before - how parents of teens are often faced with " surprise " dilemmas , constantly having to make judgment calls about things they 've never experienced before . The first few days with our 16 - year - old foreign exchange student , Cleo , have been filled with surprises , too - only the good kind . Gifts ? Yes , she brought us French chocolates and perfume and all sorts of goodies ( our gift basket to her paled in comparison ! ) but I 'm talking about even more good surprises . Wednesday , Aug . 18 - Went grocery shopping with Cleo and Emmie . Emmie 's been chattering up a storm with her and did so even more in getting ready for our trip to the store , trying to make a list and asking her what she wanted . ( Later I found notes where Emmie had been on Google translator looking up the French words for " oatmeal " , " cinnamon rolls " , and " waffles " . ) So when we got there , I let them take a cart and I took one and we met up later . I figured Emmie and Cleo would come back with a cart full of food , but there were only a few items in it when I found them . They were on the magazine aisle , Emmie with a PopStar magazine in hand , reading Cleo a quiz . " What after - school snack fits your personality type ? " was the burning Quiz Question , the answer only to be determined after answering several more questions . I 'm sure Cleo was totally confused , but maybe Emmie 's nonstop chatter is great " English immersion . " Funny to see where certain foods were placed after we returned from the store and Emmie and Cleo unloaded the grocery bags … We get excited when we realize the many more " firsts " coming up that she 's going to get to experience with us - like holidays , football games , meeting the relatives … " Mom , Cleo 's going to get to see the State Fair ! " Emmie blurted out the other day , with a huge smile on her face , interrupting herself mid - sentence as she was talking about one of her favorite subjects , roller coasters . Surprises also happen with how you see yourself , your family , and your world , when a total stranger comes to live with you . Hosting someone who 's never been to the U . S . , let alone Texas ( a unique " planet " all by itself , you know ) means that you 're the ultimate tour guide - so it 's only natural , as Cleo experiences everything , for me to wonder how it might seem to her . I never realized before how big and gleaming the high school is on the inside , or how they play nonstop rap music in athletic clothing stores , or how badly my refrigerator shelves need cleaning , or how I much I inflect Midwest into my speech , like saying " bolth " for the word " both " … no one said a word to me about any of these things … I 'm just noticing stuff differently . In the days leading up to this week , we 'd all been looking forward to Cleo 's arrival , but Allison 's enthusiasm was sometimes a little lacking . She would get annoyed when the preparations cut into " her " time . Like when Andy and I had to attend an AFS orientation meeting and she had to arrange for someone else to take her to church youth group . Or when Emmie and I cleaned the house like maniacs the day after we got home from our road trip , and all Allison wanted to do was sleep . She 'd get so annoyed and so vocal about things , I was sad that she wasn 't more " into " our impending family change … so you can imagine how pleased I was when , on the day of Cleo 's arrival , Allison took a great interest in helping to get Cleo 's room ready . We 'd already converted our upstairs game room into a bedroom , thanks to the leftovers from Emmie and Allison 's big bedroom switch this summer , but Allison came up with all sorts of ways to make it more comfortable for Cleo . She found an unused crystal candy dish tucked away in one of our kitchen cabinets , filled it with Werther 's caramels , and placed it on top of the bookcase . Next to the candy dish , she put a cute " Fossil " blank notebook that had belonged to her , and a pen . She added a colorful clock to the bedside table , and a few past issues of " Seventeen " magazine . She accompanied me on a trip to Target and we had fun coming up with toiletries to fill a bath caddy . We bought a pack of lime green clothes hangers for the closet pole Andy had installed on one side of the room , a matching closet mirror , a box of pop - up tissues … later in the day when I arrived at the house with Cleo for the " grand entrance " , we saw that Allison had made a welcome sign and put it on our wooden butler 's tray - and if anyone remembers my post about the antique butler , you 'll know what a big deal that was for Allison to do that . But what really pleased me was that , looking into the kitchen , I saw she 'd scrubbed and cleaned off the kitchen table - as I 'd asked hTravel With Kids , Uncool Parent Hall of Fame Just got back from taking the kids ( and the dog ) on our annual summer road trip to Grandma 's ( a 26 - hour round trip ) and while there , we decided to rent a movie and teach Grandma how to use her DVD player . It 's hard to find a movie on which an 86 - year - old , a 15 - year - old , an 11 - year - old and two 40 - something parents can agree , but at Allison 's suggestion we chose " RV " , a 2006 family road trip movie starring Robin Williams , Jeff Daniels , Kristin Chenowith , Cheryl Hines , Will Arnett and teen pop star Jo Jo . While it 's not Academy Award - caliber , it was a good choice that all of us enjoyed and has a great opening scene that Andy and I could so relate to … a darling little girl sits on her bed , giggling while her daddy ( Robin Williams ) entertains her with sock puppets . After Mom walks by and scolds him for getting the girl riled up at bedtime , the girl tells Daddy she doesn 't ever want to leave home and get married so she can always be with him , and he tells her that no matter where she goes they will always have a special friendship ( fade to black ) . The next scene shows Robin Williams driving a car , a frown on his face as he angrily talks to his daughter , now 15 , who sits behind him , chewing gum , Ipod earplugs in her ears . She 's mad at him and calls him a name ( was it Dork ? Loser ? ) because they 're driving to pick up her friend and he doesn 't know where the friend lives . Robin Williams looks like he 's going to cry . " Dad , she just gave you the finger ! " pipes up her younger brother , also in the back seat . By the end of the movie ( and their family road trip in an RV ) , the daughter appears to have changed her attitude about Dad . Hmmm … even though we don 't rent an RV ( yep , that 's my aravan doing all that driving ) , I do think my own status was raised slightly in Allison 's eyes during this trip because we visited my college alma mater on the way home and ate lunch at a sidewalk cafe near campus , and since it appeared to be freshman check - in day , Allison got to do major people - watching . We walked and drove around campus and the girls asked me lots of questions . Allison said it was the highlight of her trip . Andy , unfortunately , didn 't fare as well . Turns out he 'd turned off the AC on the second floor of our house just before we 'd left town , so teen daughter did not appreciate the sweltering 93 degrees that welcomed her tired body when we drooped into our bedrooms last night at 1 a . m . Ah , family road trips … gotta love ' em ! Just got back from taking the kids ( and the dog ) on our annual summer road trip to Grandma 's ( a 26 - hour round trip ) and while there , we decided to rent a movie and teach Grandma how to use her DVD player . It 's hard to find a movie on which an 86 - year - old , a 15 - year - old , an 11 - year - old and two 40 - something parents can agree , but at Allison 's suggestion we chose " RV " , a 2006 family road trip movie starring Robin Williams , Jeff Daniels , Kristin Chenowith , Cheryl Hines , Will Arnett and teen pop star Jo Jo . While it 's not Academy Award - caliber , it was a good choice that all of us enjoyed and has a great opening scene that Andy and I could so relate to … a darling little girl sits on her bed , giggling while her daddy ( Robin Williams ) entertains her with sock puppets . After Mom walks by and scolds him for getting the girl riled up at bedtime , the girl tells Daddy she doesn 't ever want to leave home and get married so she can always be with him , and he tells her that no matter where she goes they will always have a special friendship ( fade to black ) . The next scene shows Robin Williams driving a car , a frown on his face as he angrily talks to his daughter , now 15 , who sits behind him , chewing gum , Ipod earplugs in her ears . She 's mad at him and calls him a name ( was it Dork ? Loser ? ) because they 're driving to pick up her friend and he doesn 't know where the friend lives . Robin Williams looks like he 's going to cry . " Dad , she just gave you the finger ! " pipes up her younger brother , also in the back seat . By the end of the movie ( and their family road trip in an RV ) , the daughter appears to have changed her attitude about Dad . Hmmm … even though we don 't rent an RV ( yep , that 's my aravan doing all that driving ) , I do think my own status was raised slightly in Allison 's eyes during this trip because we visited my college alma mater on the way home and ate lunch at a sidewalk cafe near campus , and since it appeared to be freshman check - in day , Allison got to do major people - watching . We walked and drove around campus and the girls asked me lots of questions . Allison said it was the highlight of her trip . Andy , unfortunately , didn 't fare as well . Turns out he 'd turned off the AC on the second floor of our house just before we 'd left town , so teen daughter did not appreciate the sweltering 93 degrees that welcomed her tired body when we drooped into our bedrooms last night at 1 a . m . Ah , family road trips … gotta love ' em ! Family therapists , take note : when looking for another way to help families relate , tell them to " go jump " . In a pool , that is . Or a swimming hole , or lake . With lifeguards on duty , of course . And a shallow end . Because it 's in the shallow end that magical things can happen between parent and child ( well , at least with kids whose heads can clear the surface while standing ) . I thought about this a couple days ago while in a swimming pool with Emmie , my 11 - year - old . In water , kids can walk around , carrying their parents like a baby ( " Mama ! " I squealed , throwing my arms around her neck . " Keep it down , Mom ! " said Emmie . ) Parents can hold their kids and carry them around , kids they haven 't been able to carry around on land for years . ( Even teens like mine , who don 't like parents to hug or touch them , can drop their guard in a pool . ) Parents can ride on kids ' backs , and kids can ride on parents ' backs . ( " Giddy - up ! " I yelled . " Mom , don 't embarrass me ! " said Emmie . ) Other " kidstuff " we parents can 't do on land anymore , like hand stands , or jumping high , become easy in the water . I amazed Emmie the gymnast , and completely shocked my body , by doing a front walk - over and a back " dolphin " somersault ( I think I still feel a little water in my ears … ) . Feeling pretty good , I then challenged her to a race from one side of the pool to the other and back , doing the breast stroke ( she won by a hand 's length ) . We had a blast , and I realized that even though we 'd done all this before , it had been too long . As kids get older , we parents tend to not get in the water with them as much , if at all , because they don 't need our help anymore . But really , that 's when the real fun begins . Because in the water , adults and older kids are equals . Adults can be kids again , and kids can be as strong as adults , and all this usually equals lots of laughter as the " magic " unfolds . So before the summer is over , if you 've got older kids or grandkids , think about getting in the water with them , ifComplaints and Compliments : Teaching Kids About Consumer Feedback The story in the news these days of Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater has me thinking - not just about the straight - outta - the - movies way in which he quit his job , but about the onboard incident that preceded it , when a passenger reportedly cursed at him and cut Steven 's head with her suitcase , mad because she was told to sit down until her arriving plane came to a complete stop . I wondered if that passenger had children watching . Yes , we 've all been ticked off at one time or another at clerks , customer service reps , waiters , maybe even flight attendants - but there 's a right way to complain , and a wrong way . And especially when children are around , you hope people pick the right way . My mother , who spent much of her life very much as a " my husband makes all the decisions " kind of gal , was always a hero in my eyes whenever she stood up for herself if she was wronged at a restaurant , store , etc . I definitely have that same spirit in me , usually much to the chagrin of my kids . But my philosophy ( and probably my mom 's ) is that as paying consumers , we deserve to get good service , good products , what 's advertised , and good retailers should want to be held accountable . Yeah , I admit , I 'm that person , the one that they have to do a price check for if my 2 for 1 items are both ringing up at full price , while the line waits . ( But I 'm also the person who has waited many times in long lines while others do the same ! Payback is hell , huh ? ! ) I spend too much time making a meal plan , a shopping list , cutting coupons , driving to the store , and remembering to bring in my " eco - friendly bags " , to let the store get things wrong . Especially when I could have gone to seven other grocery stores within a 3 - mile radius if I 'd wanted to . I try hard , though , not to be rude or accusational , because often the " front line " person isn 't at fault , anyway , if a cash register doesn 't scan an item right , or if a restaurant cook uses sour milk in the macaroni and cheese . And , because I don 't want to set a bad example for my kids . I want them to know that people are more likely to listen to your concerns and act on them when you 're polite . But right now I can 't make a huge difference with this subject , no matter what I say , because my kids think people shouldn 't speak up at all . Where do they get that idea , anyway ? " Mom , don 't say anything , Mom , it 's no big deal " - they get so embarrassed so easily , and worry so much about what other people think , of anything and everything … I would also like to teach them the value of speaking up when they get good service . I 've never involved them in that , at least not that I can remember , but I 'll bet they 'd be embarrassed and impatient if we headed to Customer Service to fill out a compliment card , or sat down at our computer to take the survey mentioned on just about every retail receipt . And if I said something to a clerk in person - oooh , way too embarrassing . Sounds like something I definitely need to do more ! Hopefully , they 'll at least learn the value of positive feedback once they have jobs of their own , i . e . " the best tippers are usually those who once waited tables " . And I hope they never feel so superior , so heartless , that they would ever hurt someone , either physically or verbally , in a fit of " consumer rage " . That flight attendant ended up being arrested , but the passenger probably should have been arrested , too . Raising Teenagers I remember it well . Being at my cousins ' house one summer when I was a kid and staying up until 2 a . m . for the first time , then sleeping until at least 10 the next morning . Amazing ! I felt so grown up . I was 9 or 10 and my cousins were both teens . It was an early taste of what would be a common occurrence when I became a teen - sleeping late in the summer . Which is why I haven 't nagged ( well , not too much ) when my own teenager " sleeps in " . Since teens are gone a lot in the evenings , doing activities ( in her case , theatre ) or hanging out with their friends , and away from home other parts of the day at the movies , summer camps , shopping , volunteer work , jobs , etc . , and if they also sleep in , that pretty much fills up the day - rendering them useless for cleaning their rooms , doing laundry , etc . Andy and I always hope we can all get a lot done around the house on Saturday , especially if it 's been a busy week - but on weekends , teen " awakening " seems to be getting later and later … let 's see … today she got up at the bright and sunny time of 12 : 30 p . m … and yes , I 've already told her that she 's not going out tonight unless she gets some tasks done . But gee , think what could be done if she had a whole day vs . just an afternoon … So , it 's interesting that as I ponder this phenomenon , I came across the following news item on the Internet while doing an unrelated search : " Modern adolescents spend too much time indoors and a lack of natural light , particularly in the morning , knocks their body clocks out of kilter , according to a new study " read the article from the British " Telegraph " . " The result is they feel less sleepy at night , delay going to bed and are then more tired the next day . " Ah - hah ! And this might make them sleep later in the summer , when they don 't have to be at school . " As teenagers spend more time indoors , they miss out on essential morning light needed to stimulate the body 's 24 - hour biological system , which regulates the sleep / wake cycle , " said Mariana Figueiro , from the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute 's Lighting Research Centre , in New York state , who led the study . " These morning - light - deprived teenagers are going to bed later , getting less sleep and possibly underperforming on tests . " Exposure to light in the morning is crucial to the teenager 's natural body clock , she and her team believe . The article goes on to say that schools need to be designed to let in more natural light . That 's great advice for new schools , but I don 't see ours doing an expensive " retrofit " . And with the Texas heat , humidity , and allergens , outdoor classrooms aren 't a great option , either . Sounds like this might be another argument in favor of later start times for jr . highs and high schools … But what to do about the summer ? I 'm sure my husband would love to have some morning help in the yard , if he could just get her out of bed . Or , I could always go in and raise the shades in my teen 's room when the sun comes up … but I think that would be akin to waking a sleeping tiger … I will definitely get to see if this " morning light theory " works once school starts in a couple weeks . Because soon after , morning drill team practices begin ( the ones last week were in the afternoon ) , and for the first time this year , some of them will be outdoors ! I feel another science fair experiment coming on … Emmie has decided to play an instrument in 6th grade band … and the instrument is … drumroll please ( how appropriate ) … drums ! Well , actually " percussion " . Which means xylophone , several different kinds of drums , tambourine , castanets , gong , washboards … - anything to fill out that " wall of sound " . Our exchange student may want to run and hide with all the instruments being played in our house ! Actually , the only part of percussion that Emmie has played at home so far is a practice drum , which is like a thick rubber pad on legs , so not too bad on the noise … although it does get on big sister 's nerves sometimes when Emmie chooses to practice right in the center of the house … where the sound carries pretty well ! Speaking of our pending French exchange student , the AFS home visit went well . We all imagined that a stuffy older lady with a clipboard ( a la Gladys Kravitz from " Bewitched " ) was going to be showing up - but it wasn 't like that at all . Our visitor was a very friendly volunteer and fellow mom dressed in jeans and a T - shirt , whose family has hosted many exchange students . She put us all at ease immediately and was a wealth of information and great suggestions . I was so glad she asked the entire family to sit down and talk , after she checked out where the student would be sleeping , studying , etc . Again , another rare opportunity for a family " check - up " and to hear our daughters get in on the Q and A . The best line of the whole night was when the AFS volunteer was talking to us about how learning U . S . history in school would probably be new to the student , to which Emmie was amazed . " Well , think about it , " said the volunteer . " What do you know about French history ? " Andy mentioned something about Napoleon , after which Emmie 's face brightened and she blurted out proudly , " I know all about Napoleon ! I learned about him in that movie , ' Bill and Ted 's Excellent Adventure ' ! " ( I was very glad at that moment that Gladys Kravitz was not our volunteer ! ) My Betty White Dodge ' aravan ' is still hanging in there - no AC screeching at present , but since I last wrote , one of its shocks came loose while I was driving Allison to a theatre rehearsal last month and it started dragging on the ground ( I think it rivaled the AC screeching in its intensity ) , so we had to pull into a nearby neighborhood and wait for Captain Car to rescue us . Which Andy did , and I drove Allison to the Granville Arts Centre in his car , while he worked under mine in front of a total stranger 's house . ( Luckily it was a neighborhood where lots of people probably work on their own cars , so it was no big deal ! Andy also recently learned , from the Internet , how to fix car ceilings and took the entire ceiling " shell " out , bought new fabric , re - covered it , and replaced it . So no more billowing fabric . ( Just in time for the start of school … ) Which brings me to my last update . Allison 's high school drill team started practices this week , and she has been on time ( and early ) for everything so far ( Yippee ! ) . Today is photo day , and she wore the uniform for the first time . I cried when I saw her in it . It hit me like a ton of bricks , after she 's been watching the team and dreaming about being on it almost her whole life , to see her now as an official member . I hope I 'm not a blathering emotional idiot when they 're out on the football field this fall … maybe I should just take a paper sack to put over my head … I 'll be the " Unknown Mom " then … with a hole cut in the front for my camera , of course ! I hope those people who don 't believe in shopping on Sunday will forgive me , but I wanted to let you know about this before the day was over ( Happy August , by the way ! ) . For anyone who 's ever wanted to order something from the Uncool Shop , but don 't like to pay shipping fees , today ( August 1 ) is the last day ( for awhile at least ) you can get free shipping on anything - any amount , no minimum purchase . Just type in the code FREEWEEKEND when asked at checkout ( for Canadian residents , type in CADFREEWEEKEND - need any T - shirts , Kristi ? ) I have added some shirts that do not have the website address on the front , and have also added one that does for less than $ 9 , so with free shipping that 's not a bad way to expand your wardrobe . Like I always say , you get a lot of laughs and comments with these shirts - you will definitely have fun wearing one . ( Facebook Networked Blogs readers , don 't forget you probably have to go outside of Networked Blogs and go directly to www . uncoolmom . com in order to click on " Uncool Shop " on the right - hand sidebar . )
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How very strange that I found this in my inbox on this , the last day of , what many would agree , has been a terrible year . This has been a tumultous year for me personally and I do hope and pray that 2017 will be a gentler year . It seems as if I 've been running around like a wound - up toy , trying to make sense of life and not getting anywhere . One thing this verse tells me , though , is that I must battle forth , hold on to hope and onto God and all will be well . Leave a Comment » Over this past festive season I 'm sure we all took the opportunity of reflecting on 2015 ; what we did , what happened to us and the world ( both good and bad ) and we also look forward to the new year . I 'm sure many have a lot of resolutions ( get more exercise , eat healthier , work harder , etc , etc ) . I pose the question then : why all these resolutions ? I guess the answer is quite obvious - because we can still CHANGE it ! Now this is all old news … . we cannot travel back in time , accept what you cannot change and blah - blah - blah … you 've probably heard it a 100 . 000 times in your life . Question is : ' Did you actually GET it ? ' Or are you still stubbornly clinging to ancient differences , quarrels , disagreements and disputes ? Will holding on to all those things of the past make a difference to tomorrow ? No , I don 't think so . Look at it , yes , but do not dwell on it and make yourself miserable today … . look , remember and LEARN , then get off your behind and take ACTION to make things better for yourself . That is the ONLY way to a better future . In November 2015 I met a lovely lady from Rwanda and she told me something very important . Coming from Rwanda one can imagine the life she must have had while living there as a child . She witnessed it all … the war , the genocide … she really had first hand experience of the evil humans are capable of . Today she is an accomplished researcher , with a lovely family of her own and she doesn 't hold grudges . She said that people should make an effort to put the past behind them , only then will they be able to move forward . She and her family are an example of people who managed to do just that , and they thrive . You see , one should perhaps not forget the past , one should remember , but with a kind of nostalgia … something like : ' I remember when that bad thing happened , but look where we are now , I 've certainly learned a lot from that experience . ' I know this may sound naive , but people should let go , because what has been is done with , it 's over , it 's forever in the past … . the only way to move forward in a positive way is to change your attitude and to do so without all that extra baggage . Do not keep returning to the time of grief and sorrow , digging at it with your bare hands , wallowing in it , pointing fingers at the guilty party who caused your pain - the wound will NEVER heal . It will keep on festering , filling your soul with despair , anger , hate and unhappiness . But you have it in your power to heal that wound completely by expressing your gratitude to an experience that shaped and formed you and made you the person you are today . Forgive the person you hold accountable , but do so actively , not only with empty words … mean it … and prove it in action . You will come to understand that , whatever is holding you back , the purpose of it was NOT to have you cling to the memory forever , the purpose was for you to experience and learn , to BECOME the person you are supposed to be . The thing is , friends , we are all in charge of our own lives and attitudes , only we can change it , not the world , not the preachers or politicians . You have to decide , do you want to stay miserable , struggling with your bag of past grievances and pain ? OR Are you prepared to let it go , let it heal and move on with your life ? I have to warn you , though , life is very short , shorter than you can imagine , so you have to decide now if you still want to live a fulfilled and happy life . Don 't waste another minute and always remember this : when you die , HOW will people remember you ? What will YOUR legacy be ? This young girl in the story was influenced by something she saw on the internet , so people could point fingers and accuse those who created the website or sites for being the cause of her illness . What caused me to become sick back in the day ? I wonder that myself . Over the years , 30 of those now , I 've been wondering … . why did it happen ? Me , who so adamantly professed that I will never get an eating disorder , because I loved food too much … . when and why … questions forever unanswered , even now , after all the years . Maybe it is time , yes ? Was it the gym - teacher that refused to say my weight out loud in class ? Was it the family member that said I 'm well - built ? Was it stress at the loss of a loved one ? The many wild changes in my life that flooded my teenage years ? Personally , I think it was all , and none of those things . In the end something did trigger it , but I made the choice to starve myself . It always begins like that … the simple decision to lose a few pounds , not necessarily because it is the ' ' it ' ' - thing to do , or because I 'm a bit chubbier than my peers or because somebody called me fat … . and then it escalates into obsession . Every person who ever suffered through this disease , be it anorexia , bulimia or NSEA ( non - specified eating disorder ) has a different reason for becoming ill . While doing my dissertation on the subject , I 've discovered numerous answers to my questions about the trigger , the final nail in the proverbial coffin … . well , it is simple , actually , when you , as a person , more often than not a perfectionist , feel you are not in control of your life and the things happening around you , you seek out ways to regain that control . Sometimes people become obsessive about their work , they start drinking , using drugs or … . starving … . . that is how it was with me . And eating disorder gives you that sense that you are NOT a failure after all , that you ARE in control of SOMETHING and that you CAN do a GOOD job at it . Of course , underlying that craving for final and ultimate control , are many other issues … . having low self - esteem , depression , anxiety , … . that all serves to fuel the wish for control ; to SHOW people that you 're worthy . And , of course , it is all a sham …… it is fake , this control , because in the end the disease becomes the ' ' entity ' ' that gains control and the victim becomes powerless … . . it slips away … . My experience may differ widely from other survivors ' , but that is why I said , each person has a unique experience with an eating disorder ; triggers differ , backgrounds and family dynamics are different , there are unique personalities with different emotions and even some with underlying physical illness . You cannot always blame society , although there is something to be said about the worlds obsession with perfection and ' ' thinness ' ' , neither can you blame friends or family … . in the end , the only thing that matters is that the affected person gets the help and support needed to get well . Why it happens is not always so important … you will understand when you read what I have to say about my own experience . Let me tell you how it was …… . this is an old story and you may have come across it once or twice on my blog . I was a strange girl , weird even , according to many opinions , a perfectionist , never accepted by my peers , a nerd ; I was known as an ' ' academic wreck ' ' , never allowed to participate in sports , cultural activities , never allowed to go to school dances or parties or movie - nights . That was my life ; I went to school , to church and home … it was fine , I never complained and learned early on to enjoy my own company . To this day I don 't particularly need companions , friends , people always hanging around … I can entertain myself . People blamed my parents afterwards , even my boyfriend ( whom I eventually married ) . Me , I never blamed anyone but myself for everything that happened and , somehow , that made it worse . I carried the burden for every little thing that happened in my life and the lives of others I 've known … . . perhaps that is why , when we lost a dear one in the year I got sick , I couldn 't bear it … . I couldn 't bear the sadness of the others . It broke my heart to see tears of loss and I could do nothing to take it away , to make it better . To understand why I wished to help it go away , you need to understand what I did , what I was , when I was growing up … . other people 's happiness always came before my own . I would have sold my soul to the devil if it would put a smile on my Mother 's face . I 'm not saying this to gloat about my good intentions and holier than thou little heart , no , never … . never that … it was just important to me that people NOT be sad . I 've always felt so responsible for other people 's joy in life that , if they are sad or unhappy , I 'd take it so personally that I 'll go to great lengths just to make them happy again . It always felt sure that I was the cause for unhappiness … . even if I knew that it didn 't make sense , that is was not true . Why was I like this ? I don 't know … . just another mystery to me . During that last year , before the demon took over , I 've done a lot of silly , crazy things , made choices based on this ever - increasing wish to bring happiness to others , to be the ' ' good girl ' ' … . wrong choices … wrong for me . I 've studied so hard in school to make my grades , to get distinctions so that I would be offered a bursary to study , saving my pensioner parents the money . I decided to study for a degree that would be paid by part - time work in a hospital and the other half by the bursary . Included would be lodgings and a uniform … again saving my parents the extra expense of paying my way , paying for clothes and food , etc , should I stay with them . In the end it was all for nothing … . it didn 't please my Mom , so I decided not to go to university . Mom wanted me working and / or married and with babies in short order … . as a ' ' good girl ' was supposed to do . In that year I started dating my husband , I got my first job ( which I hated ) , started studying for a diploma in Banking ( yuck ! ) and lost my mini - me … . a little girl … in a car accident . I was 18 years old , without proper emotional support throughout and , fool that I was , I still thought I 'd be happy if others were smiling … which they were not , especially after the death of the child . I felt helpless … . out of control … . Now , you need to understand … . I was someone that thought I could control everything … . even other people 's happiness and here , something happened that I couldn 't change , make better . I tore up my university papers and Mom was semi - happy ( good ) , I started working at a financial institution and my parents were happy ( good ) … even if I disliked it , they were happy … so what ! I sang in the church choir , went to church every Sunday , to youth every Friday , taught Sunday school , dated a good , church - going boy with a steady job in the Air Force ( good girl ) and then … BAM … it all crashed and burned , literally on that night in September 1985 . For me , that was the final straw … . the last hold I had on the semblance of control I had in life … . so I had to get it back . I remember the decision as clear as if it was yesterday … . I was sitting in our back yard , by the pool and thought … ' ' They are falling apart . Someone has to stand up … . that someone has to be me . ' ' I did , I got up , made lunch for the mourners inside and went on … yay ! Control is back ! It didn 't end there , though … . the unhappiness stayed , despite all my efforts and in the end all my efforts to bring joy in other people 's lives , nearly killed me … . Yes , so , I lost control , regained it in a way , but … . . I was not perfect , I was NOT a good enough girl … I must be better ; I need to bring new happiness . It was easy , I thought , I have to be better or die , better or die … . it was like a constant drum - beat in my mind . I decided to starve myself every time I saw unhappiness in someone 's eyes , unhappiness that I couldn 't change , and since joy was absent , I simply stopped eating . At first it was obsession towards perfection … perfect smiles , perfect family , perfect life . It evolved and became … perfect body , perfect work , perfect dress , perfect daughter , perfect girlfriend ; good girl and , perhaps then , acceptance , … . by family , by peers … . even by the ' ' it ' ' - girls I knew in school , miserable as they were . I thought my efforts at being perfect for those I cared for , would make them smile again . However , no one noticed … . no - one got any happier either , they were all drowning in sorrow , their outlook on life dark , gloomy . Rapidly losing weight , those close to me saw the physical changes , but they were so consumed by their grief that they turned a blind eye . Instead of talking to me , finding out what was wrong , I was teased : I was the thermometer look - alike with my red , and very fashionable , bow - tie , I was the pea - shooter , the straw , the slinky , the happy - go - lucky - legs and the ' ' bad , bad girl ' ' for making Mom worry more … and this while she was so sad for losing her grand - daughter . The obsession towards perfection changed … it became the obsession to vanish from existence , to take up as little space as possible , because , you see , I realised that nothing I do will ever be good enough . In fact , I 've been fooling myself all those years , thinking I had the power to make people happy , while the truth was that I never succeeded even in that . I was stupid , unworthy , nothing … . Yes , losing the weight was about counting calories obsessively , measuring the circumference of my thighs and weighing myself constantly . Yes it was about drinking laxatives , counting how many times I chew my food , writing my weight in a diary and obsessing about every ounce gained . I wanted to get smaller , because I wasn 't worthy of being here , being human at all … I was a failure . I wanted to stop BEING by becoming a child - shaped person , and eventually simply , poof … gone . I nearly succeeded … . . anorexia took over every nook and cranny of my life , not because I wanted to be model thin , to look like Kate Moss or because I was emotionally and / or physically abused … . it took over my life because I just didn 't want to be here anymore . It was suicide by Ana … . and the sad thing was … . I made the choice ; it was nobody 's fault but my own . I survived though , also by choice …… the doctors told me I had three weeks to live . The guy who is now my husband saved me … . he convinced me to choose life and , if it wasn 't for him , I would have died … . . I went to hospital and they managed to fix my body . My mind , well , I 'm still working on that ! It took me 20 years to accept the body I have now , to accept the fact that I MAY live , that I have right to life and that I could actually stop pleasing others . ( On that one I 'm also still working . ) The thing is , even today , I can quote chapter and verse , the fat and calories in food , I still count my meals , I don 't own a scale , but I sometimes stare at my shape for hours on end , hating what I see , despising the fact that I 'm here , alive . Don 't get me wrong , I have a lovely life , I have a gorgeous family , a happy home , I adore my husband , I 'm finally doing something that I love ( my counselling , my charities ) … . now it is a question of : do I really deserve this ? Wouldn 't they be better off without me ? That is something that I still struggle with … . that is the residue of my anorexia experience . Fortunately now I have the wisdom , if not always the will , to understand that my life has a purpose , even if I don 't know exactly what it is and , more important , I am responsible for my own happiness , NOT that of others . Each for his / her own … . you cannot make someone 's future for them , they have to do it all on their own . Years ago I read a book called ' ' The Tommyknockers ' ' ( laugh if you like , and yes , it is a Stephen King , of COURSE it is ! ) . The story is quite weird ( to be expected from King ) and is about a lady that digs up a spaceship . The spaceship ' ' infects ' ' the villagers of a nearby town by altering their brainwaves and ultimately their body - chemistry and physical appearance , in the end they all die ( spoiler , sorry prospective reader of this SK - tale ) . Past experiences are like that … . these people changed because they were exposed to the waves emitted by the spacecraft . They couldn 't change back into their old selves once the change began … . . in the story it is said that they ' ' become ' ' . The past and our experiences change us , we can never be the same , but we can USE those experiences to ' ' become ' ' better , more fulfilled , wiser and ultimately more HUMAN than we 've ever been . The other day I heard the singer Rihanna say in an interview that her Mother used to tell her ' ' there are no mistakes , only lessons in life ' ' . Yes , indeed , no mistakes , only lessons … . we are so hard on ourselves , I know I am . We should stop chastising ourselves for our bad choices and start accepting that , yes it happened , yes it was wrong , but it is over , done with … . We would be far happier if we live with thankful hearts in the moment , reaching for tomorrow and the rest of our lives , because , friends , it goes by quickly and we shouldn 't waste time scratching and clawing at the old , dusty wounds . Do you need help with your eating disorder ? Do you suspect a friend or family member to suffer from and ED ? Why not get in touch with me ? Let me be your friend … I 've been there and I KNOW … click here and email me NOW before it is too late . There was a time that horror only existed in books and movies . These days , horror is a part of everyday life . We read about it , see it on television , watch horrific YouTube images of beheadings , war , famine … . you name it . This is old news and I have written about it in the past . Today , as I scrolled down my Twitter timeline , it was business as usual … . an airplane crash , a train wreck , a pile up on the freeway , riots , war , refugees , home invasions , shootings … . never - ending stories of suffering . Finally I saw this quote from one of my favorite Stephen King novels …… . . and I thought to share it , because I really wonder how much more can the human race , the world , withstand ; how much horror until we 've learned the lesson - be kind to each other , care about our planet , care about a prosperous , peaceful future , reach out with a loving hand , NOT a gun or knife … In the sixties Joan Baez sang the song about the flowers … you remember that one ? She sang : " When will they ever learn , " yes , indeed , when will we learn . There is so much good in the world and we try so desperately to live our lives in a good , honest way inbetween all the sorrow and pain . Every single day you find inspiration , tips on healthy living , wellbeing , how to combat stress , etc , etc … . . yet , all that is just dealing with the symptoms , the healing superficial and often people treat change as a phase , a whim . You want to exercise , so you enroll in a gym , go once and then stop ; you decide to be kinder to others , you do it for a few hours , then nearly bite someone 's head off for cutting in front of you at the supermarket check - out . The problem is , our subconscious are so overwhelmed by all the horror in the world , that it finds it hard not to conform . It would take action , commitment , for us to change . I 'm a great believer in the ability of people to change for the better … maybe I 'm naive , but frankly , I don 't care what people may think of my views . I am convinced that we brought all this horror upon ourselves , so we can indeed change it , we can make it better . We MUST change , we should stand up for goodness , our right to live peaceful lives and we must do so without force ; violence begets violence . Change begins in the individual . You must make the choice . I know , for me , on the outside , only being a spectator of the horrors , it is easy to say these , seemingly empty , words but someone has to speak up and , or at least , try to show people the possibility of change . It begins with me , I must commit myself to be kinder , more caring , accepting , respecting others for who they are . We are all different , and we should cherish the unique nature of each person , of each individual 's belief system , sexual orientation , gender and race . We are in the world , on this earth together … . . together we must stand against the horror . Make the choice , let it begin in you , in me , now . Let us , once again , have some faith in the basic goodness of humankind . That is , after all what it boils down to , FAITH . Change may seem impossible , even to me , the ever - optimistic idiot , but with faith , anything is possible . We may think that we can , perhaps , bring about change in our own lives , but changing the minds of those against us , the people that cause all the horror and evil in the world , well … . impossible . But with faith , don 't you think it is actually possible ? After all , faith is the one thing that , in my opinion , we lack in the world … . we 've stopped believing long ago . Have faith - faith in each other , faith in our ability to bring change , faith in the possibility that we can actually live in peace and harmony with one another , despite our differences , faith that we can change the heart of even the darkest , most evil person on earth … . . stop looking with your eyes at the horrors , it will consume you , drive you insane … . we cannot , as the quote above states , take it much longer . We are on the verge of become an insane world , so filled with misery that we cannot find our way in the darkness anymore . So , close your eyes for a moment to the horror , and look to the inside , YOUR soul , YOUR heart … . . find that little seed of faith and let it grow … towards hope , towards change . Now look at the world from a different perspective and try to find the good things , the hopeful things around you , let THAT grow ……… who knows what you will be able to achieve . Don 't tell me you can 't , at least , give it a shot . The alternative is bleak : stay ignorant , stay consumed by the world of horror and bear witness to mankind 's demise . Your choice … . . have faith , or not … . I 've been wondering about how to speak my mind about the situation I currently find myself in . Where do I begin ? How to I decide what should be said and what should be kept hidden in my mind - files ? Well , I 've finally come to the conclusion that I should just , kind of , begin in the middle and work my way in both directions , especially considering the fact that there is no definite outcome yet . Over the past few weeks I 've been blessed with compliments and thanks for the way I inspire people . I 've been nominated for awards , won a few and was even called an ' ' iconic woman ' ' at some point . I don 't deserve any of this , though … not to be misunderstood , I am eternally grateful to the people who 've said these kind words , but mostly I 'm surprised that I 've been noticed at all . I am such a ' ' nothing ' ' person , so invisible … . something like this is quite unique and , actually , a little bit strange , even slightly embarrassing , for me . I 've been wondering though , why , after nearly 48 years of being who I am , doing whatever it is I do , that people are noticing me now . In my opinion the answer came by way of a wonderful physician who gave me the most awful news ( I 'll get to that eventually ) . You see , even though I thought that all these years , while I 've been doing kind deeds , supporting others in their time of need , taking on battles for others , being the strong one while others falter and so on , no one actually SAW me … I was wrong . People did notice and all my efforts were not for nothing . I did help others and I did give hope and inspiration . Now , even in my own time of need , I can still be strong , still stand up and fight my battle and continue to relentlessly inspire others . All the kind words , all the nominations , all the winnings of the past few weeks were meant to happen just in time for me to realise that all is not lost . I hope you will understand what I 'm trying to point out : in short , I was told that people saw what I do , so that I can have the courage to continue speaking out , sharing my life , my experiences and now this disease and in that way spread a word of hope . But , not only THAT , no , I want people to know that God Himself placed me here , at this moment , in this position , with this problem so that His Name can be exalted through me and other lost souls can find their way back to Him , using my testimony as a guiding light . THAT is why I 'm here , now , at this spThat said ( I will get to the matter of my ' ' situation ' ' soon enough ) but , in the meantime , be patient please . I may repeat myself ( the old noodle is not what it used to be , you know ! ) and I may tell you things you already know about me , or things that you may not agree with … . just know that what I 'm telling is the true story of a family , of life , of pain , sorrow , darkness and a little bit of light ( for some , believe me , the darkness was overwhelming ) , but mostly , it 's just a way of telling you how things came to pass … and perhaps , WHY it came to pass and how it happened that , today , I can look at those things in the past with more understanding and empathy , because now I am in the same position as the ladies I am about to tell you about . The first person I 'll introduce you to is my great - grandmother . As a child I was told about her suffering and how she died of breast cancer in the 1940 's . My Mom used to tell me how she and her sisters had to help great - gran during her battle with the illness . Her cancer was so aggressive that it had the appearance of a skin ulcer that constantly wept . Mom said she never forgot the smell or the how horrible the wound looked . She said it looked as if someone punched a hole in great - gran 's breast . The girls ( Mom wasn 't even 20 years old ) had to clean this wound and help great - gran get around , to bathe , dress , whatever . I cannot imagine how bad it must have been so see someone you care about suffer like that . It was excruciatingly painful and the doctors had no way of treating it back then . Remember , it was before chemo and radiotherapy . All the family and the medical profession could do was to make her as comfortable as possible . Needless to say , the cancer spread like wildfire through her body , so in the end it was a relief for both her and the family when she passed ( I think ) , though Mom was careful not to mention her own feelings about great - gran 's death . Her eyes told the story anyway … . her horror at being responsible for nursing a sick old woman , her disgust at doing the chore of cleaning the wound and the embarrassment of bathing the family 's matriarchal figure , seeing her helpless … . and , yes , possibly also guilt at wishing her dead , released from the misery . Years later , with Mom becoming the type of person she was ( you 'll see more in another paragraph ) , I looked back on these tales of hers and understood why she was such a bitter , depressed person . The next lady you 'll meet is Grandmother . Gran also had lumps in her breasts . That was in the 60 's , but it was all very hush - hush and Mother only mentioned it a few times . Even my aunt seems reluctant to talk about it , so about her struggles with breast cancer and lumpectomies , I know very little . My aunt Ester , though , she has been to hell and back with it and not at all shy to share her survival story . She is some woman , this aunt of mine . Her energy and positive attitude have always been an inspiration to me . Aunt E has had several lumpectomies over the years and some of those lumps were malignant . She has had parts of her breasts removed and went through the treatment programmes . In addition to the cancer , she has the same heart defect that I have and she 's had some of her toes removed , because of bunions and malformation of bones , etc … . AND a few years ago ( I think it was around 2008 ) she even had a stroke . Being the type of person she is and much to the horror of her doctors she relentlessly hounded them to be discharged from hospital , because , she said : ' ' I have orders for paintings to complete ! " She still has trouble using her right side and sometimes have trouble holding her paintbrush , but hold it she does … without complaint , without the ' ' suffering ' ' disposition one would expect from someone who has been challenged so often in life . She is the last one of her family left , having survived her parents ( my grandparents ) , who died years ago , her brother and 3 sisters ( aunt Betsy , my Mom and their retarded little sister , June ) . Yet , when you meet her , she has this aura of electric energy around her . Her eyes always glitter like stars and she 's always busy doing something . Her attitude is very contagious … . . it 's like she literally GLOWS with positivity . I remember she used to say that she wanted to live until she 's 105 , but , because my Mom is such a ' ' sufferer ' ' , she had to change it to 102 … out of respect for Mom , you understand . When Mom passed away in 2009 , her words Aunt Ester and my Mother were sisters , but their attitudes were so different that I can still not believe they grew up in the same house , with the same parents , had the same experiences ( yes , aunt E also helped to take care of my sick great - gran ) , plus she also had breast cancer herself . Yet , she still managed to light up with vitality and life , while Mom just sat on the rock next to life 's road and watched everything go by . Life has never been good for Mom at all , but during the 80 's things got decidedly worse for her . It was 1986 ; a difficult time for us already . I was just 19 and a year before we lost our little angel ( brother 's little girl of 3 ) in a car accident . So times were really tough and Mom was especially depressed , gloomy and morose , even more than usual . She never went for tests , mammograms and sonograms , despite the fact that she knew the risk for breast cancer is extremely high in our family . One balmy Sunday evening in March 1986 , she discovered a lump in her breast . The next day , Monday , she went to see her GP . He immediately referred her to a surgeon who , without hesitation , admitted her to hospital for a lumpectomy on the Wednesday . Those of you who 've ever had a breast lumpectomy will know that , before you 're wheeled into the theatre , you have to sign a release form , stating that , should the lump be malignant , the doctor may perform a more aggressive operation like a full mastectomy or removal of more breast tissue than normally required with benign lumps . Mom signed without second thought , thinking perhaps that all will be well . It wasn 't , though . It was cancer and the surgeon decided to perform a radical mastectomy . She was , understandably , terribly upset , especially since , when she came to after the anaesthesia ; her first sight was of two representatives of the Cancer Association of South Africa . ( I actually thought that was very insensitive of the hospital to allow them so soon , but what could one do ? It was done and we had to deal with Mom 's reaction . ) Both Dad and Mom wereAnyway … . back to 1986 . Mom went for treatment for five years after diagnoses and was declared clear of cancer at the end of it . She was cancer free , as far as we know , until her death of a heart attack in January 2009 . But , as I said , she never got over it . She always had this cloud over her ; its darkness infiltrated her entire existence . Nothing was ever the same after and , perhaps , losing a granddaughter also had a lot to do with it , or perhaps it was the two catastrophic things that happened to her within one year that caused her mood to spiral downward , I 'm not sure . Mom was never really happy after that . One got the feeling that her smiles and laughter , if one were lucky enough to witness it , were just pretending . She and Dad fought constantly . They used to fight a lot before , too , but it steadily got worse as the years dragged on and living with them became quite challenging . ( No one ever knew about this , of course … . I 've never told a soul until now . ) When I got married in 1988 it was a relief to move in with my husband . I cannot fully explain the extent of her mood swings or the senselessness of her actions and cannot dream of comprehending the true source . In fact , I 'm not sure I 'm up to going into all the details now , but suffice to say that , having had cancer and the mastectomy , on top of everything else , definitely left more than just a physical scar . She used to say that she felt like ' ' half a woman ' ' . All this was only aggravated by her eventual sinking into Alzheimer 's and then , the final blow was perhaps my sister 's death in 2004 . To say Mom lived a ' ' blue ' ' life would be an understatement . She was never particularly jolly , but ' ' blue ' ' is too bright to describe her desperation and depression over the last 20 - 25 years of her life . Poor Mom , how I wish everything turned out different , better , for her . When I look back on her life and the struggles she had since her teens ; the challenges she faced … . I understand why she was like that , why she didn 't have a figThis brings me to my sister . Sis was a lot like Mom ( mood - wise ) . Sister was clinically depressed and , occasionally , she even tried medication ( without much success , I must add ) . Her life was not a particularly happy one , but she had her moments . We used to be known as the ' ' giggling sisters ' ' . Gosh , we had laughs ! ! Yes , she could be great fun … . but then her mood will swing and the depth of her depression , more often than not , became , well , indescribable . Only people who know deep depression will understand how she felt . Being depressive myself , I did , or tried to , but where I always tried to fight off the strange attraction of those dark emotions , she simply couldn 't resist . To her the possibility of not being depressed was not an option ; it was one or the other …… total crazy , hilarity or deep , dark depression ( I sometimes think she was bipolar , undiagnosed though … and , remember , it is just my own opinion . Maybe if she got the proper help her disposition would have been better . ) Well , despite her volatile emotional state , sister got married when she was just 19 ( that was way back in ' 73 ) . I was a little girl , grade 1 and was the flower girl at the wedding ( wearing yellow - don 't you DARE laugh ! The wedding colours were purple and yellow with the groom and his team wearing purple , yes PURPLE , suits and the bride and her team with hair done up in beehive - styles with yellow flowers stuck in it ! ) The colour scheme may have been a laugh , but it set the mood for the wedding … . . it was what she wanted and it was the happiest day of her life . They never had children . Sister had endometrioses and gave up after one treatment ( that was her style , poor thing ) . She stopped working at age 27 and stayed home after her diagnoses caused a nervous breakdown . She had to face the fact that she would be childless forever … . she adored children , you see and would have been a wonderful Mother , I 'm sure . The depression only intensified after that and , in the end , I think her death was not so much the result of canYou may wonder why on earth did I tell you all this . Well , it will explain why I eventually did what I did and , as I mentioned a while back in a related post … I 've been contemplating this step for most of my life . You also needed to understand the depth of the emotions that ran through these women in my family . You needed to SEE what I saw , perhaps get an indication of the feelings I had eventually about them and their deaths ( or lives , if you consider my VERY lively aunt Ester ) . I loved them all dearly , not that I knew my great - grandmother , but my gran , Mom and sister … . despite all their dark moments , their desperate attempts at living some kind of authentic life . I 've accepted them with their darkness and all and I 've also accepted that I am different in a very profound way . I am NOT a sufferer , I am NOT afraid to live and I am NOT afraid to die , either … . just not yet , mind you ! ! Whatever life used to throw at me , I survived , I got up and challenged the circumstances , shouldered my way through troubles and swam through oceans of sorrow and pain . Many times in my life I carried these women ; times that they just couldn 't go on … I HAD to do something ! Someone HAD to take responsibility and I was always elected , either by choice or chance , I was elected . I never held these times against them … . it was my job , I was the fighter , the warrior in the family … I HAD to do it . I never resented them for just numbly laying low while I kick some ass somewhere ( so to speak ) . So , please , I loved them all , but , to be quite honest , I don 't want to live like they did and even more so , I don 't want to die like they did … . without having ever taking a chance , ever really grabbing every opportunity life presents and simply BE . Having said this , I need to mention something else … it always bothered me … people say that , when you pass , you see your life passing in front of your eyes , like a movie . So I pose the question : What did they see ? Were they happy with what they saw ? Did they have any regrets ? Did they finallThis finally brings me to my story , my experience and the events that lead up to whatever is transpiring in my life today . I do hope you will , when reading these final paragraphs , understand why I explained in such detail about the 5 most important women I 've known . Their lives and their disposition , their choices and reaction to challenges , had a direct influence on what is happening to me now . In November it will be 10 years since my sister died ; just a few months after her passing I went to my Ob / Gyn for my annual check - up . Before that , as usual , I had my annual breast scan and mammogram , so the test results accompanied me on my visit to the doctor . Of course they discovered yet another lump ( no surprise there , but instead of referring me for the usual lumpectomy my Ob / Gyn suggested I have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy . He didn 't even know my sister had just died ! I nearly fainted in shock and surprise ! Remember , I was just 37 years old and , although I 've had thoughts of breast cancer , my thoughts were more in the direction of preventative screening - something that neither my Mom nor sister ever considered doing . I was going for my check - ups religiously , so the need for major surgery seemed quite ridiculous at the time . The surgeon I was referred to felt the same way , but suggested that I keep it in mind for future consideration . He decided to do just the basic lumpectomy and that was that . So I filed the idea somewhere in my mind . But , I didn 't forget ( as per instruction ) … . I also didn 't just remember , no , the idea started to haunt me continuously . Every time I discover a lump , every time I had to have an op to remove it , every time I went for my screening … . I turned it over and over in my mind like a dark jewel . But that was just how it remained … . a haunting thought that I sometimes stumbled upon , picked up and considered for a while , then shrugged away , returning it to its dusty drawer in my mind . It was just something that became part of my little life . Until this year , that was . The first one to mention it was my GP . I did go for my screening and a lump was discovered ; in fact , I 've known about this particular lump for some time - almost 2 years . One could actually SEE it ; very small , the size of a pea , but THERE . The sonogram confirmed its existence , hence my visit to the GP . He referred me to a general surgeon , who also suggested a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy and , perhaps , having a BRAC 1 and 2 genetic test beforehand . I asked the doctor if he thought I should really have this operation ; if maybe I shouldn 't just consider having the usual , a lumpectomy . You see , I realised it will not be a walk in the park . Surgery always carries a risk and recuperating after such a major operation may take a while , plus , I 'm a baby when it comes to pain . I remember he just sat there behind his desk , picked up the pathologists referral , balled it up and threw it in the dustbin . ' ' Let 's not waste time anymore , ' ' he said and wrote a referral to a plastic surgeon . Prophylactic mastectomy , he said ; 95 % chance of getting breast cancer with my family history , he said , and proceeded to write a motivational letter to our medical aid . Within 3 days they approved the procedure . Even then , after the decision has been made , I doubted doing it , but something kept on trying to convince me of the fact that I MUST do it ; that it was the right thing to do . Everywhere I went I suddenly met other women who also had breast cancer . They encouraged me to do the procedure , to get it over with and then , a few weeks before the operation was due to take place I had a prophecy from someone . Let me tell you a bit about these incidents … . it happened daily . In one week I met 4 women who had breast cancer , one of them nearly 10 years younger than myself , with small children . Talking to them , seeing how they dealt with the blow of being diagnosed and how they survived the treatment really gave me hope , especially since mine would only be prophylactic ( or so I thought then ) . Furthermore , their attitude towards the diagnoses was so different from the attitudes I 've witnessed in my family … . so much more positive . It also seemed that every day in my Bible studies , God spoke directly to me about the step I was about to take , constantly confirming that the decision was the right one . In addition to this , as I mentioned earlier , there was the prophecy I received . Now , as I said , I 've had a strange feeling about the entire procedure . Everything about it seemed almost pre - destined , pre - ordained and the feeling I got overall was one of strange foreboding - as if , though the decision was the right one , there was something else , something bigger behind it all . I told a friend it felt as if a shadow hung over me all the time . It became so distinct that I could literally feel the coldness , like a constant breeze on my neck . It was VERY weird . Then , one day after my yoga class , a lady I 've only met once before during a previous class , came up to me and said she had to tell me something . She said that she wasn 't sure she should say it out loud , but it felt as if something was compelling her to talk . By then I knew that the operation was inevitable , and I knew that my decision has been made , but she didn 't know anything about it . She said that ( and note the words ) : ' ' I see the shadow of cancer over you , but you will be healed . ' ' I told her about my decision to have a bilateral mastectomy , but that , despite the fact that I did indeed have a lump at the time , cancer wasn 't yet confirmed . However , the moment she spoke up , I had the distinct feeling that she was correct in her observation , but I stillThe scripture continued to confirm my choice and so did dreams I had … The day of the operation dawned . When they wheeled me into the operating theatre I said to the assisting doctor that I felt like getting up and running away . It was only then that I decided the total finality of it all … . I was going to lose both breasts … by choice . The only comfort I had was the fact that I felt , deep in my heart , that God Himself put me on this road and that I 've actually taken 10 years to finally decide what to do . As I explained to my daughter … rather Mommy go into hospital for a few days , than Mommy going away to heaven forever . I didn 't want my children to see my dying like my sister did , remember … . what I did , that terrible decision , I made , NOT for me , I made it for them . I wanted them to have a mother for a long time , not a vague memory that will only be at their weddings and their children 's christenings in spirit … . I 'd prefer being there myself , in person , front and centre , cheering them on as they continue on their lives paths . As it turned out , this may be something I wouldn 't be able to do after all … . . About the operation … . no fun , not recommended … . . This op was in part ' ' cosmetic ' ' if you will … actually it was more ' ' reconstructive ' ' , but the basics are the same . The mastectomy itself is a very destructive procedure . The reconstruction involves the placement of silicone - filled implants underneath the pectoral muscle . Now if you think having cosmetic surgery is fun , think again . It may be a far different and less invasive surgery than mine , but I still think it is just as painful . In my opinion doctors should insist that people who have any type of breast surgery ( that is , COSMETIC breast surgery ) go for psychiatric treatment , or at least some kind of counselling beforehand . Man , it HURTS like hell ! ! I was in hospital for 3 days and the doctor prescribed extremely strong painkillers . For two weeks I was ' ' higher than a kite ' ' … . just going through the motions of everyday life , literally lying low with my eyes unfocused , watching CSI Seasons on my computer . In retrospect it was actually very funny … I must have watched the same episodes a thousand times , simply because I couldn 't remember watching them in the first place ! During that time the plastic surgeon removed my bandages and told me that the results of the pathological tests on the tissue removed were still pending , but that he had decided in theatre to remove the glands as well . As I mentioned earlier , he didn 't want to do this , but changed his mind during surgery . For me it was a bad omen . I told my husband that , the moment he told me that news , I knew that something was up . I thought he discovered something unexpected while removing tissue . I was right … last Friday he gave me the news . There was cancer in the tissue he removed and , although he thought he got it all , he couldn 't be sure . The pathologist told him that , according to him , the operation happened in the nick of time . The next step would be to visit an oncologist and talk about the treatment . This will only happen in a few weeks ' time though … . . I cannot receive any chemotherapy or any other type of treatment for the cancer before my wounds have healed properly . Now I know I have ( or had ) breast cancer and I deal with it rather well , I think . It is a very strange idea … thinking that you have a body that turned traitor like that , but , as I said to my husband , the only thing that REALLY makes me angry , is the fact that the damn cancer took so long to finally make an appearance ! ! I 've actually been expecting it for a long , long time . Now it 's here , present and accounted for , thank you very much ; not at all invited , not really welcome , but something to live with for a while anyway . As usual I surprised everyone , including the doctor , with my reaction . To this day I haven 't cried about it or showed any type of emotion , not unless you think a positive attitude counts . This has been presented to me ; this thing that I have to deal with now and I am going to do just that , whatever it takes . What gets to me , is how others react to the news . I 'm sometimes so shocked at their reaction … their tears … . it is almost as if they are already grieving for me . I told someone the other day that it 's as if I didn 't get the memo that told the world I 'm very sick , possibly dying . One would think that they will be supportive and try to give one hope ; instead I have to comfort THEM , put my arms around THEM and give THEM hope , dry THEIR tears … It just feels wrong . But , I guess this is life , this is me , this is the way I handle things . Perhaps people would always consider me strong enough to deal with everything , strong enough to bring comfort to others , even though it is me who has this little problem called cancer . I accepted this and I feel so sorry for these people who desperately try to swallow their tears ; tears they cry for ME . When I think carefully about it , I should actually feel blessed that they care so much and that they will really miss me if I have to die . Me , well , I 'll take every day as God presents it to me . Be thankful for the sunshine , be thankful that I can be alive …… . . I 'm already going about my business as usual , grabbing huge handfuls of life along the way . I am NOT afraid of this thing that may still be lingering inside me . I will NOT give up and I know that God will be exalted through this experience . That is the whole idea , I think … . I 've been set upon this rocky road and I will walk through every shadow , climb over every fallen tree across the way , build bridges over the potholes if I must … . but I will get through it , I will come out the other side . Do you want to know how I 'll do it ? I 'm NOT alone in this , God sent this my way , because He knew I will be able to conquer it in His Name … . I know He will give me the proper tools to take it one day at a time , step by step … . and in the end my survival will be a testimony that can bring hope and inspiration to all . Faith … . we all immediately think about it in religious terms . But , perhaps , we must expand our perspective on faith a bit too ( just look at the wealth of explanatory terms above ! ) … think about it . Ask these questions … I once heard faith described as something you cannot prove , yet you trust in its existence . For instance : you enter a room and your friend offers you a chair to sit on . You don 't KNOW that the chair will support you , no , you just go right ahead and sit down . Without realizing it , you had FAITH that the chair will be able to carry your weight without reducing itself to splinters ( there 's a giggle for you to imagine ! ) . You didn 't stand around WONDERING about it , calling out the ol ' CSI - team to INVESTIGATE the ability of the chair to support weight , perhaps taking a few DNA swabs to determine the " you - can - sit - safely - on - me - gene " , no … . your friend would 've called the police himself if you did this ; AND the doctors in the green pj 's would have gladly slammed the door on your own private quarters , padded walls inclusive , in the nearest gha - gha house … . thorazine shots served hourly . THAT would have been a comedy , huh ? Oh , but you had a nice sit - down with your buddy - roo and you chatted the night away … totally oblivious that you have actually done something in FAITH , in TRUST . I don 't know about you , but this totally opened my eyes to the FAITH - concept … everything we do , each and every day , in fact , has something to do with faith or rather , the ACT of faith . Faith that there will be milk in the refrigerator , faith that my car will start , faith that I 'll open the tap and water will come out … . etc … etc … We don 't EVER think about this , but in these simple , daily things … . we do show a lot of faith in action and we don 't even realize it ! Why is it then that we struggle so much with faith ? Why is it that , when we THINK about it , we tend to make it complicated ? That is the problem with Homo sapiens , we think we are SO clever that we turn EVERYTHING into a huge debate … . in some cases debates become full - fledged wars ( with guns and stuff , you know ) … and in the end , when you REALLY sit down ( on your … har - de - har - har … trusty chair ) and THINK about all the problems and strife in the world , it all began with something really silly . In my opinion ( and this has nothing to do with this discussion ) all the problems in the world started with one issue … . someone , somewhere , trying to save face , trying , no matter the cost , to show he / she is better than others … . . yes , in the end , all the trouble began with human being 's EGO - issues . But that is not the topic of this post … . . let 's move on … As explained , faith is something that comes naturally , without us being aware of it . ( This is my opinion , anyway , feel free to disagree . ) Now we go around telling others to have faith in God , other people , the world , etc , etc … . we make a really BIG deal of it . And when you talk about things like faith , something that becomes second nature , when you NOTICE it particularly , it has a tendency to become VERY hard , very difficult … . like in my yoga class … I do the tree - pose , for instance , focus on a point in the distance and concentrate on the different moves , keeping my balance , but the moment I start thinking about WHAT I 'm doing , the moment I get distracted , I fall flat on my face ( I really did once ! ! Ouch ! ) Notice what I said about the " focus " … . keeping it at a point in the distance … Yes , you may very well say that , good old humankind has lost its " knack " for faith . We 've forgotten what it really is . As you see in the simple explanation above , people obviously still use it … . I mean , you DO have faith that the earth will not simply disappear under your feet one day ? Or don 't you ? ( Don 't answer that … . I fear that with things being as it is in the world today we may have a very good excuse for not trusting earth for being there … always . ) But , that is NOT the point I want to make … believing is not thinking or saying you CAN do something , it is KNOWING THAT YOU WILL ! ! Or that God WILL or people WILL , or whatever . This is the kind of mistake I made in prayer … . I told God that He CAN do things , because He is , after all , GOD . I expected Him to be able to do what I wanted , or expected , not because He WILL , but because I know He CAN … He is almighty , hence His inability to NOT perform . We should stop doing this … . expecting the CAN … anyone CAN do things … I can finish this post , for instance ( or may decide not to ) … but if I say I WILL finish writing this post , it makes me sound more determined to do it , it makes others trust the fact that they will be able to read the entire post . Now , if you say God WILL do this or that if you ask in prayer … . . doesn 't it seem more likely that you will trust He will actually DO it ? All we have to do is wait … . He WILL in HIS time ( remember the " point in the distance " I spoke about a few paragraphs ago ? ) grant our request . It is that simple … . it is NOT complicated at all . If you can trust a chair to support your weight , or a glass of water to quench your thirst , you can trust that God will do as you ask Him . It IS in His power to do everything … . no need to waste time worrying about that or how you should go about convincing Him … just believe that HE WILL . That , my friends , is BELIEVING . This also works when you look at the world and the people around you … . . everything seems so hopeless , futile ; people are dying of hunger and disease , in war … the world is NOT a nice place anymore . How do you feel about believing that it will get better ? That somewhere , sometime , all this evil will just burn itself out and we will all be able to start a - fresh . Faith may be the only thing left in the world that is worth having , you know . Holding onto the hope that all will be well in the end may be the one single thing that allows us to get up in the morning . The thing is , whatever you hope or believe … . we all KNOW the sun will set tonight and will rise again tomorrow … it will be a new day … it will be a different time , another chance at life for all … . The above link will lead you to the story of Jodi Jill ( pictured above ) . I recently read the article in my latest MarieClaire edition and found it tremendously inspiring . Not only did Jodi grow up in a storage unit ( yes , a storage unit ) , without schooling , without any other company but her family , proper nutrition , medicine , water , etc , but she grew up with the understanding that she is just a number , even to her own mother . She thought she was hated by all people , loved by none … . invisible , worthless . She discovered finally , on her own steam , that her redemption lies in books . And so it did . She relentlessly taught herself to read at age 15 and invented a book editor so that she can make her own money … . her first book was ' Curious George ' , which she read with the help of a tape recorder . Her resilience is astounding . Many people would have given up early on and continued in the same manner that their parents did . Not Jodi , she says that books taught her the life lessons that her parents were supposed to teach her and it showed her that her life was ' wrong ' . Her decision to change her life must have been very hard indeed … . running away at such a young age and that with your sister , whom you have to care for . Going into a world that supposedly ' hated ' you , facing other people and experiencing things never quite imagined . I cannot imagine the hardships she had to suffer through , the concerns she had … . and the doubts , but I guess , compared to growing up in a tiny storage unit made her ' new ' troubles seem rather mediocre . She survived it all … . . she came out on the other side and told her story to the world so that we can learn something . She says that , eventually , she and her brother made a list of the people who knew the family was living in the storage unit … but did nothing . In the end she had to save herself . This makes me wonder about people in general , you know , how little we care for each other . We are always so afraid of getting involved , of getting into trouble , that we often choose to just let it go . Sometimes , sticking your nose into other people 's business is a GOOD thing and I think that , if people really thought about it , they would have done something to change the fate of those kids . The thing is , they didn 't , and I am ashamed for them , for us … . they should have spoken up for those who couldn 't do it for themselves ; someone should have saved those children . But on the other hand … would we have had the privilege of learning a precious life lesson if someone did indeed intervene ? Do we dare think about this in such a selfish way ? We cannot change the past , you see , and this is a perfect example of why we should rather embrace and learn from it , than wish it different . Lets look at Jodi 's remarkable story again . Lets try to make sense from it , to find reason and meaning . Because , you see , although Jodi has been irrevocably changed by her ordeal and to this day suffer psychological consequences , perhaps if she did not go through that , she would not have been the person she is today . Sometimes suffering brings out the best in people ( not that suffering is necessary or a requirement in the forging of a strong personality ) … . but I think , no , I KNOW , that she would have been a different person if somebody took her out of that situation earlier on . If somebody showed her that kindness and caring do exist and that she is , in fact , a special person . No one did , so she had to find this out for herself and I honestly think that she sometimes still have her doubts about her own abilities and ' specialness ' . I do hope that she realizes that she is indeed a tower of strength and inspiration to a whole generation of people . She shows you that you can change things in your life … ON YOUR OWN . That becoming a good person , a better person , is a simple act of choice ; said choice may be difficult to make and actually putting it into action may prove complicated , but it can be done . Jodi Jill proves beyond a doubt that we can be the masters of our own destinies , that we do not have to repeat the mistakes of our ancestors , that we can break the circle … . . all we have to do is to choose , to act on our choice and stick with it . I hope that , in the moments that she doubts herself or tries to find reason for her suffering , she will find peace in knowing that through her suffering and pain , she has brought hope to many . Thank you Jodi Jill … . I know your life story gave me renewed faith in the strength of the human spirit and the power of choice and I am so sorry that you had to be that lone child , without a kind or loving word from anyone . If anything , I wish I could have changed that for you , been that one person who perhaps reached out to you in a small way and shown you that you didn 't become special … . you always were special . If you weren 't , then you would have still lived in that storage unit , despairing about your life . But thanks to you , many of us now have a better understanding of our own nature . The Ilze Halliday Foundation # FreeTools to help create a # PRCampaign # nonprofit @ thenonprofitcen by # JeffBaxt # NonprofitTools Most nonprofits I know in South Africa have receive the minimum funding . They mostly rely on donations from the … Continue reading → # DailyKindspiration # DenzelWashington # Quote via # AlexDaPiata The Holistic Healing CentreThese green vegetables are SO good for you ! I confess : I love vegetables . My kids and husband , not so much . They prefer NOT to eat their greens , despite all my efforts to ' disguise ' it in clever ways . How about you ? Do you like eating your vegetables ? I seriously hope so . Have a look at what healthsomeness . com has to say about your green veggies : [… ] # WellnessInspiration # ShariAlyse Channel SharonAn error has occurred ; the feed is probably down . Try again later . FeastNo fuss Chocolate CakeYears ago the wives of SA Police Officers in Pretoria put together a recipe book called ' ' Knuppeldik aan Koningskos ' ' . This loosely translates as ' ' Fit for a King ' ' . My Mum got [ … ] Quick and Easy Deep Fried Fritters ( South African Vetkoekies ) I remember our neighbor in Johannesburg making these for me ( I was , like , 3 years old or something ) . She used to deep - fry it and I had to guess what each [ … ] Warm Rice Salad With Curry Rice , being a family favourite , is nearly always on the menu in one form or another . Like potato 's , it has become quite a staple in my kitchen over the [ … ] Creamy macaroni and cheese with a differenceThis is a recipe I 've discovered many years ago , somewhere in a magazine . I will NEVER forget … . I made it the night I went into labor with my youngest son ! Ever [ … ] Why Everyone HAS to be in the Kitchen … Melkkos ( Meal - with - milk ) Via Rainbow Cooking # SouthAfricanRecipe Melkkos is a comforting milk and cinnamon dish that can be served as a light breakfast , lunch or evening meal . The name " melkkos " ( which means " meal made [ … ] Pumpkin Bread With Cream Cheese FillingVia @ AverieCooks INGREDIENTS : Bread 1 large egg 1 cup pumpkin puree 1 / 2 cupArchives June 2017 Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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