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Apple unveiled the iPhone 16 lineup,
new AirPods, and a new Apple Watch,
along with old AirPods, and an old Apple Watch
that you might have thought was new if you aren't terminally online.
Thankfully, we are.
So here's the lowdown.
Apple kind of flattened out the iPhone lineup this time around,
bringing the iPhone 16 and 16 Plus two chip generations up
from the A16 Bionic to the A18,
which means these new non-pro iPhones will have Apple Intelligence.
In beta.
In the US.
Next month.
A lot of that kind of tomorrow energy going on at this event,
but we'll get into that.
The non-pro iPhone 16 start at 800 bucks and now have the customizable action button
introduced with last year's 15 Pros,
as well as an all-new camera control clickable slider button
that's also on the iPhone 16 and 16 Pro Max.
It not only serves as a proper shutter button
when taking photos in landscape mode,
it can be lightly pressed to bring up additional UIs for fine focusing
or changing modes by sliding your finger.
Kind of like you would do with physical knobs on a dedicated camera,
evoking memories of the iPod click wheel
and Apple's history of brilliantly emulating familiar hardware on new tech.
Sorry, that sounded sarcastic, but it was genuine.
I struggle with giving earnest compliments.
Good job, Jacob.
Clicking and holding the camera control button
will activate the new Visual Intelligence feature,
which will let you use a photo to search the web,
prompt Siri or chat GPT,
and even add an event from a poster to your calendar.
It's like what Google Lens pretends to be
and is actually really cool.
I'm sorry, I just, I don't, I don't know how.
So wait, all the iPhone 16s sound pretty similar right now.
Why would I pay over a thousand bucks for the 16 Pro or Pro Max
other than to get that exclusive color that seemed like it was poo brown,
but is actually called Desert Titanium
and doesn't actually look like poo to everyone's surprise?
Well, you don't want the regular old 18.
You want the A18 Pro.
It's got a bunch of upgrades
that will let the 16 Pros run Apple Intelligence 15% faster
than on the iPhone 15 Pro.
Not that we would know at this point.
It hasn't come out yet.
But the Pros also have larger displays,
studio-quality mics that enable customized background noise removal for video recording,
and upgraded cameras that support recording 4K 120 video.
Hey, if it's good enough for the weekend to film a music video with,
it's good enough for me.
Next up,
the new AirPods 4 have an H2 chip and also an upgraded version with ANC and a wireless charging case,
while the AirPod Pros have gotten upgraded hearing testing abilities
that help them function as clinical-grade hearing aids.
I don't know, sounds like boomer s**t to me.
Apple also showed off the new Apple Watch Series 10,
with a bigger display and the thinnest design ever.
It now can run the Translate app directly on watch,
and adds sleep apnea
to the list of conditions it can detect,
continuing the watch's transformation
into basically the tricorder from Star Trek.
At their next event in October,
Apple will reportedly unveil new iPads and Macs,
packed with new buttons
that activate features that will definitely become available at some point in the future.
Hahaha, you press the button,
it's like,
This feature will be available sometime next year.
There's no Tim Cook impression,
but that was like, almost
Craig Federighi.
Your friends and family can now message each other.
I want...
Ha!
Send little kisses over the internet.
IFA 2024 kicked off in Berlin last Friday,
and some of the tech there really put the funk in Internationale Funkastelung.
That's what IFA stands for, by the way, according to Jacob.
Nanoleaf showed off its Sense Plus battery-powered smart switch
that it's been working on for eight years,
although that's no guarantee of success,
as Concord has shown.
The switch uses a proprietary protocol called LightWave
to control all Nanoleaf smart lights in a room,
while two configurable buttons on the Sense Plus can use Matter to control other devices.
Then there's Lenovo's auto-twist AI PC concept,
which has a motorized 360-degree hinge,
allowing the display to follow you around,
like it's asking for a restraining order.
I know you said you're done using me for stuff,
but actually, I have something to tell you about.
You, like, close the window, and then, like, walk away,
and it's like, is
that it?
More helpfully,

Apple unveiled the iPhone 16 lineup,

new AirPods, and a new Apple Watch,

along with old AirPods, and an old Apple Watch

that you might have thought was new if you aren't terminally online.

Thankfully, we are.

So here's the lowdown.

Apple kind of flattened out the iPhone lineup this time around,

bringing the iPhone 16 and 16 Plus two chip generations up

from the A16 Bionic to the A18,

which means these new non-pro iPhones will have Apple Intelligence.

In beta.

In the US.

Next month.

A lot of that kind of tomorrow energy going on at this event,

but we'll get into that.

The non-pro iPhone 16 start at 800 bucks and now have the customizable action button

introduced with last year's 15 Pros,

as well as an all-new camera control clickable slider button

that's also on the iPhone 16 and 16 Pro Max.

It not only serves as a proper shutter button

when taking photos in landscape mode,

it can be lightly pressed to bring up additional UIs for fine focusing

or changing modes by sliding your finger.

Kind of like you would do with physical knobs on a dedicated camera,

evoking memories of the iPod click wheel

and Apple's history of brilliantly emulating familiar hardware on new tech.

Sorry, that sounded sarcastic, but it was genuine.

I struggle with giving earnest compliments.

Good job, Jacob.

Clicking and holding the camera control button

will activate the new Visual Intelligence feature,

which will let you use a photo to search the web,

prompt Siri or chat GPT,

and even add an event from a poster to your calendar.

It's like what Google Lens pretends to be

and is actually really cool.

I'm sorry, I just, I don't, I don't know how.

So wait, all the iPhone 16s sound pretty similar right now.

Why would I pay over a thousand bucks for the 16 Pro or Pro Max

other than to get that exclusive color that seemed like it was poo brown,

but is actually called Desert Titanium

and doesn't actually look like poo to everyone's surprise?

Well, you don't want the regular old 18.

You want the A18 Pro.

It's got a bunch of upgrades

that will let the 16 Pros run Apple Intelligence 15% faster

than on the iPhone 15 Pro.

Not that we would know at this point.

It hasn't come out yet.

But the Pros also have larger displays,

studio-quality mics that enable customized background noise removal for video recording,

and upgraded cameras that support recording 4K 120 video.

Hey, if it's good enough for the weekend to film a music video with,

it's good enough for me.

Next up,

the new AirPods 4 have an H2 chip and also an upgraded version with ANC and a wireless charging case,

while the AirPod Pros have gotten upgraded hearing testing abilities

that help them function as clinical-grade hearing aids.

I don't know, sounds like boomer s**t to me.

Apple also showed off the new Apple Watch Series 10,

with a bigger display and the thinnest design ever.

It now can run the Translate app directly on watch,

and adds sleep apnea

to the list of conditions it can detect,

continuing the watch's transformation

into basically the tricorder from Star Trek.

At their next event in October,

Apple will reportedly unveil new iPads and Macs,

packed with new buttons

that activate features that will definitely become available at some point in the future.

Hahaha, you press the button,

it's like,

This feature will be available sometime next year.

There's no Tim Cook impression,

but that was like, almost

Craig Federighi.

Your friends and family can now message each other.

I want...

Ha!

Send little kisses over the internet.

IFA 2024 kicked off in Berlin last Friday,

and some of the tech there really put the funk in Internationale Funkastelung.

That's what IFA stands for, by the way, according to Jacob.

Nanoleaf showed off its Sense Plus battery-powered smart switch

that it's been working on for eight years,

although that's no guarantee of success,

as Concord has shown.

The switch uses a proprietary protocol called LightWave

to control all Nanoleaf smart lights in a room,

while two configurable buttons on the Sense Plus can use Matter to control other devices.

Then there's Lenovo's auto-twist AI PC concept,

which has a motorized 360-degree hinge,

allowing the display to follow you around,

like it's asking for a restraining order.

I know you said you're done using me for stuff,

but actually, I have something to tell you about.

You, like, close the window, and then, like, walk away,

and it's like, is

that it?

More helpfully,