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Mr. Krabs: What a sheesh. I'll be back in 15 minutes

Naptime's over, Squidward. Now what do you say we work real hard until Mr. Krabs comes back?

Squidward: Krabs is gone?

Yep. And I'm in charge for the next 15 minutes.

Squidward: Wow.

Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal around here. I guess that's why Krabs put me in charge. Charge. Charge.

Squidward: Wake me up when I care.

Do you care now?

Squidward: No.

Heh-heh. Everything is under control, people. Go back to your krabby patties. Nothing your temporary man in charge can't handle. Squidward? Squidward? Squidward? Squidward? Squid? Squid? Squidward? Squid? Squid?

Squidward: What?

Well, it's just that I'm in charge and...

Squidward: And you ruined my regulary scheduled Krusty Krab nap?

Regulary scheduled nap?

Squidward: This must be important. Mr. Krabs has never interrupted one of these before.

Really?

Squidward: But being as you're the man in charge, you must have your reasons.

Well, I, um...

Squidward: What is it?

Um, nothing. Carry on. Boy, there sure is a lot of proceedural type stuff I don't know about the Krusty Krab. Order up, Squidward!

Squidward: You know, I'll let you serve this one. My stories are on.

Gosh, I'd love to, Squidward, but I've got to cook the patties.

Squidward: So do it when you're done.

And unclog the sink.

Squidward: Would you like to hear a secret?

What kind of secret?

Squidward: See that guy over there?

Yes?

Squidward: He wants to be a fry cook, and you're his hero!

Me?

Squidward: Why don't you give him a couple of pointers. Let him cook his own patty, and don't take no for an answer. He's shy. This should be good.

Hey, buddy. It's me, SpongeBob, fry cook extraordinaire.

Frank: Uhh... Hello.

I know your secret...

Frank: What? Who told you?

Oh, a little cashier told me! Follow me!

Frank: Yeah, whatever you say, man! Squidward: Moron.

Betcha didn't think you'd be in here today, did ya?

Frank: No.

First off, this is my grill. This is where the magic happens! And this is my actual spatula! So start fryin' up some patties! I'll come check on you later, my little prodigy!

Squidward: Ha, ha! SpongeBob will believe anything!

Order #12!

Squidward: SpongeBob, what're you doing?

Taking out an order!

Squidward: You're serving Krabby Patties with your hands? Do you know how filthy your hands are?

They are?

Squidward: But your feet however are clean. Think about it. Your feet have been protected by your shoes and socks all day.

Oh! . It's all coming clear to me now. There you are. A nice hot meal with sanitary foot service. Here's a nice delicious Krabby Patty, and a large drink. Enjoy.

Debbie: Hey, is my food here yet? Frankie Billy: Here. You can have mine. Delivery Man: Here are the supplies you've order! Squidward: What? Delivery Man: Please sign here. Hey, my pen. Squidward: Oh, sorry.

Ooh! It's here, it's here, it's here! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo it's here!

Squidward: What is this stuff?

Now that I'm in charge, I've decided to decorate the Krusty Krab! I'm gonna make it all pretty!

Squidward: Hey, SpongeBob, do you want to hear another Krusty Krab secret?

There's another secret? What's the secret?

Squidward: Do you want to know how Mr. Krabs gets all these customers?

How?

Squidward: Mr. Krabs keeps this place a dump, so the food's more better by comparison!

Sounds like the Chum Bucket.

Squidward: Ah, but you'll be doing it on purpose.

Ohhhhh... How's this, Squidward?

Squidward: Lookin' good!

You mean, lookin' bad! Enjoy our fine decor!

Nat: Next time i'm picking the restaurant.

One Krusty Krab, covered in mud and slime!

Squidward: Mmm, you missed a spot.

Got it! Gum under all the tables! How's that for low expectations?

Squidward: Lower!

Initiating stage two: collateral damage! How was that?

Squidward: Perfect!

Ehh...

Harold: This place is disgusting! Fred: Yeah, let's get out of here, as soon as I finish this delicious Krabby Patty!

Squidward, all the customers are leaving!

Squidward: What did we talk about?

Don't touch the material.

Squidward: If you want the customers to stay, you need to provide some entertainment!

Oh, can do, Squidward, can do!

Harold: Come on, let's go.

WAIT!!! You don't want to miss... This!

Debbie: What's he doing? Harold: He's... dancing! Ok, people, just back away slowly... Mr. Krabs: Ah, there's nothing like polished pincers to make you feel like a man! Let's see how SpongeBob's doing as acting manager. What the...??!! SpongeBob dancing like a goofball?

And a hey, and a ho, and a hey and a ho! And a hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, ho, ha, hey, hee, ho...

Mr. Krabs: Me customers cowering in fear? Evelyn: Help... us... Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab a filthy mess? Frank: Order #20 ready for pickup. Mr. Krabs: And some stranger cooking Krabby Patties??!! Squidward sleeping on the job??!! Ok, that's actually normal. SpongeBob! What have ye done to me Krusty Krab!

I was just following Squidward's advice, Mr. Krabs. He told me all your secrets!

Mr. Krabs: All my secrets...? So, is there anything else I can do for you, acting manager SpongeBob? Ah, Gwenevere!!! Mr. Krabs: What is it, boy? Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? There, there, kid. What's the big deal?

M-M-M-M-Mr. Krabs! We're all out of Krabby Patties, sir.

Mr. Krabs: That's nothing to fuss over, boy. We'll just whip up a new batch, like we did in the old days! Mr. Krabs: I know this process like the back of me claw. We always start with... ...flour. Next, we add barnacle shavings. It's like riding a boat-cycle, ain't it, boy?

You never forget, boss man.

Mr. Krabs: What do ya say we do the next one together, eh? Template:L2

Turmeric.

Mr. Krabs: What are you on about, boy? Third step's always sea salt.

That's funny, I remember turmeric third. And doesn't the recipe call for land salt?

Mr. Krabs: It's sea salt. And don't you remember SCABS?

Scabs, sir?

Yeah, SCABS. You know, salt comes after barnacle shavings. Or was it LESIONS? Or wait... No, that doesn't sound right either.

Was it pustule?

Mr. Krabs: Heavens, no. That's disgusting. All right, tell you what, why don't I just go fetch the formula? We'll settle this once and for all. Plankton: No need to wonder about this. I got your formula. Yee-haw! Mr. Krabs: Aren't you getting a little tired of this, Plankton? Plankton: Come on, Krabs, don't you have any respect for tradition? Mr. Krabs: Oh, ho, ho, ho, Of course, I do. That's why I'm doing this. Plankton: Ow. Mr. Krabs: I need to somehow get Plankton to stop comin' after me precious formula.

Hmm, I know! To keep Gary out of the biscuit tin, I hide the biscuits somewhere far away, like Patrick's house. Unfortunately, Patrick ends up eating the biscuits anyway.

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, that's it, you genius. You just solved me decades-old dellemer.

I'm warning you, Mr. Krabs, Patrick'll eat anything you give him!

Elaine: Breaking news! Earlier today, Mr. Eugene Krabs, proprietor of the Krusty Krab restaurant, parted with his beloved secret formula. We now go to Perch Perkins live on the scene. Perch Perkins: Thanks, Elaine. Just moments ago, Eugene Krabs sent his famously delicious secret Krabby Patty formula packing. Mr. Krabs: Take care of yourself, little formula.

Good-bye, secret recipe!

Perch Perkins: We wanted to ask Mr. Eugene Krabs what compelled him to take such drastic measures. Mr. Krabs: Well, it's simple, Perch. It seems keeping me secret formula in hand has proven to be all too temptin' for a certain diminutive one-eyed criminal element of society. So, I finally got him in full retreat. Mr. Krabs: All right, boy, let's get back to making them patties.

I believe we were at turmeric.

Mr. Krabs: Boy, I thought I told you--

Oh, no we forgot to look at the...

Mr. Krabs: Formula, yeah.

And that formula is...

Mr. Krabs: On the opposite side of the ocean, yeah. And now I've gotta go all the way there to get it.

Mr. Krabs, I'll do it. Send me to retrieve that formula.

Mr. Krabs: Think you're up for the challenge?

Uh-huh.

Mr. Krabs: Well, all right then, the formula is now stowed in a safe-deposit box in the ocean's largest, safest bank in Way-far-out-town-ville.

Ah, and that's the key to the box, eh, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: This, No. This is the key to me heart? This is the safe-deposit box key.

Oh, thank you Mr.--

Mr. Krabs: Not so fast, kid. I want you to protect this at all costs. You mustn't let it out of your sight. I now bestow unto you the key to the future of The Krusty Krab.

I humbly accept this key and vow to guard it with my very life. (takes the key) It shan't leaveth my sight.

Mr. Krabs: (Plankton hears the conversation with some technology of his) Good, let's get you over at the train station. Plankton: This is too easy. Karen, I'm off on a business trip. Don't wait up for me, baby. (cuts to train station)

The Oceanic Express. (train whistles) Wish me luck.

Mr Krabs: Remember what I told you, boy? Keep your eye on the key. Oran J. Roughy: I can take your luggage for you, sir. (grabs Patrick) Please follow me.

Wow, a real-life butler.

Oran J. Roughy: I am not a butler. Train Conductor: All aboard!

Bye, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Good luck, me boy! Don't let me down! (train starts to leave as a bus drives up) Plankton: (gets out of bus and runs up to the train) Wait! Wait for me! (sighs) Barnacles, I knew I should have sprung for a taxi! Curse you public transport! Why I oughta-- (train steam sends Plankton onto the road when a bus immediately smashes him) Oh, now they're on time... Uh-uh... (cut to inside of train) Oran J. Roughy: Your sleeping quarters. (tosses Patrick in there) I trust everything is to your liking.

Couldn't be better, butler.

Oran J. Roughy: Ahem. Perhaps Monsieur did not hear me. I trust everything is to your liking.

Oh, oh yes, of course! How silly of me.

Oran J. Roughy: An honest mistake, monsieur.

Thank you, my good man. (hands the butler a used, plastic burrito wrapper) I've been hunting for a trash can for at least ten minutes. Thanks again, French guy.

Patrick: Peek-a-boo!

Hey Patrick, remember, we're on an important mission here. So keep your eyes open for any suspicious characters.

Patrick: (Patrick's reflection in the mirror gets an angry face while the real Patrick asks SpongeBob a question) SpongeBob, does that guy look suspicious to you? (looks back at the reflection) I think he might be spying on us. (Patrick's reflection goes away) Hey, where'd he go!? All this suspicious thing is making me hungry. (Rubs his tummy)

Well, then follow me to the dining car.

Plankton: (climbs on top of a bus) Looks like it's starting to roll my way for a change. And nothing dares stand in my way! (Plankton jumps) Uh-oh. (An 18-wheeler blocks his way and he splatters on the windshield. The driver is disgusted by the large green smear and turns on the wipers to scrape squashed Plankton off. He floats on down to the train) I knew I'd make it... (cut to the dining car)

Ooh Fancy.

Patrick : Yeah. And they gave you so much food, you need 2 forks. (baby heard crying)

Aw, what a cute little baby. No need to fuss, little fella.

Nanny: I just can't get him to stop crying. The poor dear.

(sits down) Hi again, kind butler.

Employee: (sighs) So sorry monsieur. The dining car is closed now.

(looks at watch) But we haven't even heard the specials yet.

Employee: No, the dining car is over for you. You must leave now. (pushes SpongeBob away. He trips over a purse. A lady picks him up)

Oh, sorry, ma'am.

Miss McGuffin: That's quite alright, handsome. (cut to a train terrace)

Huh, friendly lady. Well, Patrick, we'd better find a safe place to store this for the night. (SpongeBob is holding the key but it's not there)

Patrick: What is that?

That my dear Patrick is—the key! (sees it missing) Patrick, where is the key? Oh, no, I took a solemn oath. (Plankton is walking by angrily) Plankton! You stole the safety-deposit key.

Plankton: Oh, come on, I just got here. I couldn't have stolen it—yet.

Oh yeah? Well no offense, but I don't believe you.

Plankton: You calling me a liar?

Yes. Search him, Patrick.

Patrick: (puts on latex gloves) With pleasure. Prepare for a thorough search, shorty. Plankton: Oh, drat. Patrick: (picks up bowl) Just after I scrub this bowl. (scrubs bowl) Alright, Plankton, time to squeeze the key out of you. (takes out some clamps. Plankton gasps) After my tasty snack. (uses the clamp to crush the nut. Plankton runs and screams) He's clean. (drops Plankton) Plankton: (grunts) I told you I wasn't lying.

Well, if you didn't steal it, then who did? It must've been someone on this train. Patrick, call the cops.

Patrick: (puts his head out the window) Cops, I need you! (cut to the Krusty Krab) Crowd: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! Customer: Just give me a patty, man. Squidward: For the last time, we're out of patties. (customers shout) No need to get excited now. Customer: We want our patties, man. (destroys the cash register) Squidward: That's Krusty Krab property. (another customer rips off a pole) That's a load-bearing column. (customer swings the pole at Squidward. He ducks) Hurry, SpongeBob. (cut to train being stopped and all riders are outside the train)

As you know, an unspeakable crime has been committed here today and each of you have the means to do it. The question is who? You there, you're not fooling me with that innocent act. (SpongeBob points at the baby) Where were you at 6:42pm on the night of January 16? And don't give me that goo-goo-ga-ga stuff.

Plankton: Oh brother.

Mr. Police Commissioner?

Commissioner: Yes, Mr. SquarePants?

I sub-- (turns around and walks into the policeman) I submit to you that the perpetrator of this heinous theft is none other than...the nanny.

Nanny: (nervous chuckling) I haven't stolen a thing.

Sir, if you search this baby's diaper, you'll find the stolen key.

Commissioner: Yes, Mr. SquarePants. (uses tongs to dig into the diaper. A metal sound clinks) Aha!

The key!

Commissioner: (uses tongs to take out a huge diamond) At least I found it. Thank you, Mr. SquarePants. You uncovered Neptune's jewel of the sea and nabbed the infamous Jewel Triplets Gang.

Triplets?

Baby Triplet: (deep voice) I told you taking the train was a mistake. Triplet #2: (reveals himself being the legs of the nanny) Well, we wouldn't be on the lam if you hadn't applied for that discount card. Baby Triplet: Well, can I help it if I'm frugal? Commissioner: Tell it to your cellmate, junior. (handcuffs the baby)

If they didn't do it...that means the key was stolen by...the butler.

Oran J. Roughy: (sighs) I certainly did not.

We know you did it. The butler always commits the crime.

Oran J. Roughy: For the last time, I am not a butler. I don't even have the butler accent. Patrick: You may not be a butler, but are you a werewolf? (there is a full moon. A fish walks up and grows hair and changes into a werewolf. He howls and runs off) Plankton: Okay, butler, you may have hoodwinked the sponge, but I ain't no pushover! (gets hit with a piece of popcorn from Patrick) Patrick: Sorry. (chomps on his popcorn) Plankton: Anyway, since you didn't steal the key, then you'd obviously submit to a search of your cabin. Oran J. Roughy: I do not have a cabin. I sleep on the luggage. Plankton: Aha, that's how you stole it! Give it to me. Give me the key.

Need I remind you, Plankton, that you are still a suspect yourself.

Plankton: Uh, I-I mean, give SpongeBob back the key.

I don't believe either of you. Shake 'em down. (a big muscular police officer comes and turns the butler upside-down and shakes him. Plankton falls on the ground and gets hit with a nail clipper, a hammer, and an anvil from the butler's pockets)

Keystone Cop: Nothing suspicious here. (the butler's mask falls off) Except for the fact that you just outed Oran J. Roughy, international fugitive wanted for the embezzlement of over 75,000 bucks worth of ham sandwiches. (Patrick screams)

After all this, I still haven't found the key and I broke my vow to Mr. Krabs. (sobs) I don't deserve to work at the Krusty Krab.

Patrick: (picking his teeth with the key) Don't worry, buddy. I'm sure it'll turn up.

The key! Patrick! Where in the ocean's depth did you find it?

Patrick: I found it when I was cleaning your shorts from your little accident earlier.

Well, that is great news.

Patrick: (yawns) Anyways, I'm gonna hit the sack. I'm pooped. I'm sure you can relate.

Uh, yeah, me, too. (runs up into the train)

Plankton: (hiding behind the door hinges) Me, three. (laughs. Cut to the train moving. SpongeBob and Patrick are grunting as they try to get cozy in their very tight space of cabin) Patrick: Say, would you mind scooching over? I can't even move my eyebrows.

I'm trying. Sheesh, this isn't exactly a luxury suite.

Plankton: Here, maybe I can help. (opens window. SpongeBob and Patrick stick out their tongues like dogs)

(sighs) Fresh water.

Patrick: What a cool view. Plankton: Yeah, have a better look. (hits them both with a 2x4, sending them out of the train and down a sandy hill. Train whistles) And thanks for the key! Patrick: Well, I guess he lost us. You ready to call it a day, SpongeBob? (SpongeBob runs off) Guess not. (runs after him)

Okay, Patrick, on the count of three, we'll jump on, okay?

Patrick: Gotcha, pal. Oh, wait, I can't count that high. Can we just jump on the count of one?

That'll work, too. Okay, on the count of one—what the? (they come to a cliff. The train is still riding off)

Patrick: Great, now what?

Patrick, hop up on my back.

Patrick: Well, I don't think this is the right time for a piggyback ride.

Just do it.

Patrick: Okay. But I don't see how this is gonna get us any closer to the tr-- (screams. SpongeBob jumped off the cliff) Are you crazy?! Please! I'm sorry for any grief I've caused you! Don't do it, please! (crying. SpongeBob flips onto Patrick's back and turns himself into a hang-glider) Hey, we're flying!

There you go, buddy. (sets Patrick on top of the train. They both go into the train in search of Plankton) Oh, Plankton!

Patrick: You can't hide forever. (both yelp as a bunch of luggage falls on them) Plankton: Looks like you've got a lot on your mind. (Plankton runs off. SpongeBob and Patrick chase after him through many train doors of the caboose and the passenger coaches and head through the coal tender and enter the engine's cabin)

Alright, Plankton, end of the line! (sees the train controls, only to find that Plankton is not there) Plankton!

Plankton: Over here, choo-choo heads. (laughs as he closes the door and then separates the train by uncoupling the tender, passenger coaches, and caboose from the engine) Patrick: That was odd.

Yeah, and Plankton still has the key. (sees the engine leaving the train behind) Patrick, we've got a big problem. Look.

Patrick: Hey, where'd all those—those shiny tubes?

That's just it, Patrick, they aren't there.