Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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Jack M. Crazyfish: No, it's not. | Yes, it is! |
Jack M. Crazyfish: No, it's not. | Yes, it is! |
Jack M. Crazyfish: Is not! | Is too! |
Jack M. Crazyfish: Is not! | Is too! |
Jack M. Crazyfish: Is not! | Is too! |
Woman: Um, guys? Jack M. Crazyfish: Anyway, your shoe's untied. | Is not! |
Jack M. Crazyfish: Is too. Woman: Guys? | Is not! |
Jack M. Crazyfish: Is too. Woman: The train! | Don't worry! I'm ready! Bring it on! Oh, good morning, Gare-bear. |
Gary: Meow. | I kept you up all night with my nocturnal outbursts? Again? |
Gary: Meow? | No, no, Tuesday night was the one with the 30-foot librarian. Last night was the one where I defeat notorious arch-villain Jack M. Crazyfish. Using the sheer force of my awesomely developed musculature. Whew, what a relief. For a second there, I thought I gave myself a black... ...eye. |
Gary: Meow. | Go away, Gary. I'm busy... wallowing! |
Gary: Meow? | I did something so dumb to myself that even you would laugh uncontrollably at me. |
Gary: Meow. | You promise you won't laugh? Okay, here goes. Gary, I gave myself a black eye trying to open the toothpaste. Thanks for not laughing, Gare. I knew you'd... Gare...? |
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob. Hey, cool glasses. Can I try them on... oh! SpongeBob, your eye. It's all black and swollen. How'd you mess your eye up, SpongeBob? Did someone hit you? Where is he? Yeah, we'll settle this like men. We'll sue him. | No, no, it's okay, Patrick. He... uh, he learned his lesson. |
Patrick: Are you sure, SpongeBob? Who was this guy, anyway? | Hmm... Jack M. Crazyfish. You've never seen anyone like this guy, Patrick. He was about 60 feet tall. |
Patrick: Oh. | He was big and mean. Oh, but old SpongeBob here knows how to teach a lummox some manners. |
Patrick: What did you do? | I handled him the same way I handle all enormous muscle-bound villains. |
Patrick: With tears? | Uh, no, with a little hi-yah! and a ka-zow! and a gallon of hi-yah, hi-yah, ha! Yeah, he never knew what his him. |
Patrick: Then what happened? | I woke up... Oh, I mean, I... |
Patrick: I know exactly what you mean. You whooped him with your eyes closed! | That is exactly what I mean, Patrick. Well, see you later, buddy. |
Patrick: There goes a real hero. | Slugger, that's me. What the? |
Sandy: Yee-haw! Get along little fishies. | Hi, Sandy. |
Sandy: Whoa! Hot cat snake in a barn. Look at your eye. Land sakes. That's quite a shiner you got there. Well, don't you worry none. I know some natural remedies that'll... | Keep your natural remedies to yourself. Manly dudes like me don't need them. I'll have you know that I got this black eye in a fight. |
Sandy: A fight? Well, there's no shame in losing. | Lose? Sandy, I taught the fish who tangled with me a lesson he shan't soon forget. |
Sandy: Why? Did he write it down? | No, I engraved it on his pain gland. |
Sandy: Well, what type of man scuffles boots with you and loses? | Oh, this was no mere man. He was the notorious outlaw Jack M. Crazfish! |
Sandy: Jack M. Crazyfish? | It all happened late last night... I was walking home from work... alone when all of a sudden, Crazyfish sprang up out of nowhere. He threw a giant tire at the back of my head. Then, he stood over me to gloat. I jumped up and karate kicked his hairpiece right off of its snaps. He was so ashamed he ran all the way home leaving behind a pool of tears. Which I then proceeded to scoop up in my victory tankard and enjoy a nice refreshing beverage. |
Sandy: So how'd you get the black eye then? | Oh, yeah, that's right. I had miscalculated the trajectory of my cup and the straw jabbed me in the eye, giving me this awful shiner. |
Sandy: Well, looks like you're late for your day job, killer. | Ah, phooey. Late schmate. A tough guy like me can show up to work whenever he wants. Adios! |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob is 13-1/2 minutes late for duty! I hope for his sake this means he was in a horrible accident. Well, looks like I was right about the accident part. Harold: Oh! | Yeah, that's right, pal, do the right thing. Just keep on walking. |
Sandals: Do you mind? We're trying to have a decent meal here. | That's right. |
Squidward: SpongeBob, I'm... | Dah-dah-dah-dah, I'm just going to stop you right there, Squidward. Spare you the oxygen. We all know you weaker folk can't afford to waste it. All right, folks, listen up 'cause I'm only gonna say this once. Tough guys don't like to repeat themselves. I'm talking to you, gramma! Now I suppose all of you are wondering how I got this black eye. |
Squidward: Not really. | All right, who said that?! Was it you, gramma? |
Squidward: It was me, I said it. | Well, folks, I don't happen to see it as a shiner so much as a shining trophy of my glorious triumph over the forces of evil. Oh, I know what you're thinking. Who in the name of Neptune would want to tangle with a guy like SpongeBob SquarePants? Well, I'll tell you who. It was a peaceful morning in Bikini Bottom. I emerged from my fruit-shaped bungalow fresh as a bee when a wanted cry of distress pounded against my eardrum. |
Harold: Hold it. Sponges don't have eardrums. Mr. Krabs: He's right. | Hey, let's save all the questions until the end! As I was saying... I quickly located the source of the cry which was a victim tied at my feet. Don't worry, I'll save you. I assured... when a large bowling pin struck me in the face. The hurler was none other than Jack M. Crazyfish. And I could tell by that cold sore on his lip that today he meant business. With cat-like reflexes, I preempted his attack. But the scoundrel had me sabotaged. And I fell face down on a pile of extra large staples. He lunged at me, but I got him in the ribs with my novelty feather duster. Down he fell like a mighty oak. And there he lay. The very thought of being vanquished made Jack M. Crazyfish burst into tears. The force of his crying was so strong, I had to take evasive action. But one of the blasts went haywire and hit me right in the face... ...and that's how I got this black eye and gave Jack M. Crazyfish a whomping of a lifetime. Whoo...football! |
Dale: Uh, what did you say he looked like again? | Oh, kind of tall, handlebar mustache... |
Dale: Little green hat? | I kind of thought it was teal, but that sounds like him all right. Wait a second, how did you know he was wearing a green hat? He's... real... |
Jack M. Crazyfish: I'm looking for SpongeBob Squ-- | Mr. Crazyfish, please don't skin me alive! I made all that stuff up. I was just kidding about whomping you, right folks? You remember. |
Gramma: I liked the part where you told us where how he was crying like a baby. | Hi, Gary. All right, look. I had a toothpaste tube, like this. But I couldn't get it open 'cause the cap was stuck. And I guess... I haven't been working my arms out that much lately. And I opened it up like this... Then I was walking, like this. And I didn't see where the cap went, like this. So, I slipped on it and I landed right on my wrench, like this. And I gave myself a black eye, like this. Uh... like these. So you see? I made it all up so I could keep from looking stupid. Makes sense, doesn't it? |
Jack M. Crazyfish: Uh, not really. I'm here because I heard you make a really good Krabby Patty. | One super hot and delicious custom order Krabby Patty with extra sauce, my lord. Served directly to your waiting Head and neck area. Sir, please, I am so sorry. |
Jack M.Crazyfish: Where I'm from, sorry don't cut it. We settle things in a different kind of way. | No! |
French Narrator: Ah, Saturday morning in Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob is watching his favorite Saturday morning show: The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Enjoying a bowl of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Bran Cereal, and wearing the official Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy breakfast biters! TV Announcer: Mermaid Man... fleet and forceful! By the power of Neptune. Aided by his young ward... Aided by his young ward... ...protecting the sea with feats of strength and agility. Mermaid Man: To the chiropractor! AWAYYYYYY!!!! TV Announcer: Fighting a rogues gallery of villains like the Sinister Slug, the Atomic Flounder... and the dreaded Jumbo Shrimp! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy unite! Johnny Elaine: Hey, kids! Are you ready to hear the winner of this week's contest? | I'm ready! I'm ready! |
Johnny Elaine: Our winner will receive a special secret collector's item from The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. And the winner is... Spring-boob Squire-pin. | Awwww. I worked forever on those life-size Krabby Patty mannequins of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. |
Johnny Elaine: ...for these life-size Krabby Patty mannequins of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. | Hey! Spring-boob Squire-pin stole my idea! |
Johnny Elaine: What's that? Oh. It appears I've made a slight error in pronunciation. The real name of the winner is - SpongeBob SquarePants! | WHAHOO! Oh, I wonder when my prize will... get here... My prize! Can it be? It is! The conch signal!! From The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, as seen on TV! I wonder if it still works? |
Mermaid Man: THE CONCH SIGNAL! To the Invisible Boatmobile! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: Ah! Ooh! Oh! Oh! Ah! Ah! Ooh! Barnacle Boy: Uh... Mermaid Man? Mermaid Man: Yes, Barnacle Boy? Barnacle Boy: We're not in the Invisible Boatmobile, are we? Mermaid Man: Uh, nope. Barnacle Boy: I told you making the boatmobile invisible was a stupid idea! Mermaid Man: Boatmobile! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Barnacle Boy: It's gotta be here somewhere... Ow! Oh. Mermaid Man, I think I-- Mermaid Man: FOUND IT! C'mon, get a move on, son. We don't have all day. Barnacle Boy: Ignition... on. Mermaid Man: Throttle... on! | Hmm. Maybe the conch signal doesn't work anymore. |
Mermaid Man: Activate torpedo mode! FIRE!!! Mermaid Man... Barnacle Boy: ...and Bob-acle... | I can't believe it, Gary. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in our home. Excuse me, I'm... |
Mermaid Man: Oh, my Neptune! He's been horribly disfigured! Oh, blast us! We're too late! Barnacle Boy: Oh, please. He's not disfigured. He's-he's just that sponge kid again. Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah. Good to see you, lad. Say, Barnacle Boy, we gotta find out where that conch signal came from. | Oh, that was me. I blew the conch signal, sir. |
Mermaid Man: Alright. Where's the danger, son? Bring it on. Bring it on! | Don't worry. There's no danger. |
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: No danger? Barnacle Boy: Look, there has to be danger. You blew the conch signal. When you blow the... where'd you get that thing anyway? | I won it in a contest. |
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: Contest? Mermaid Man: They don't tell us anything anymore. Barnacle Boy: Look, Spongy, that ain't no toy. Mermaid Man: That's right. The conch signal is an awesome responsibility. We're duty-bound to help whenever it sounds. Barnacle Boy: But you only blow it when there's trouble, or there'll be trouble. You got that? | Yes, sirs! |
Mermaid Man: Good boy. Barnacle Boy: Come on, come on, come on. They're serving meatloaf today. Mermaid Man: Oh, goody. | Don't worry, Mermaid Man. You won't be hearing from me for just anything. Only for the big emergencies. |
Barnacle Boy: Will you hurry up in there?! And save me some hot wat... Mermaid Man: THE CONCH SIGNAL! Come, young ward! Barnacle Boy: Coming! Mermaid Man: Oh... youth! Cut down in its prime! Oh, speak to me, son! | Help... Can't... open mayonnaise! |
Barnacle Boy: What?! I come down in my underwear to open a jar of mayonnaise?! | But... |
Barnacle Boy: But nothing! We can't go around socializing. We have to be prepared for, uh, emergencies. Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, think about it. Emergencies don't come around as often as they used to. Barnacle Boy: Alright, okay. You can blow the conch every once in a while. Just give us something to do when we show up. SpongeBob and Mermaid Man: Yay! Mermaid Man: Danger! Barnacle Boy: That's it! Gimme that! You're running us ragged. Mermaid Man: Must... must answer clarion call! Barnacle Boy: We're exhausted! | I'm sorry, Barnacle Boy. I didn't mean it. I... just wanted to spend time with you. You're my heroes! |
Barnacle Boy: It's too late for that, Mr. Contest Winner. I'm gonna destroy this thing with my... sulfur vision! I'll destroy it when I get back to the, uh, Mermalair. Uh, and as for you... Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, don't squash his enthusiasm. After all, he could be the hero of tomorrow. Or the villain. Besides, I remember another young whipper-snapper, who wanted to be a super-hero. Barnacle Boy: You don't even remember breakfast, you old coot! Mermaid Man: Maybe the conch signal is too much responsibility. But how would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon on patrol? Barnacle Boy: What?! Mermaid Man: To the Invisible Boatmobile! | Oh... |
SpongeBob and Mermaid Man: Jingle bells, Mermaid Man smells, Barnacle Boy laid an egg, The Invisible Boatmobile, lost a wheel and... | Hey, can I drive? |
Barnacle Boy: Drive? What do you know about driving the Invisible Boatmobile? | Tons! Like the windshield wipers are right here. |
Barnacle Boy: DON'T TOUCH THAT BUTTON, IT'S THE... origami button. Mermaid Man: When you're patrolling the city, you'll always have to be vigilante. On your toes, constantly alert. Always expect the unexpec-- AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! | Hey! I've got the doughnuts! |
SpongeBob & Mermaid Man: ...and Barnacle Boy laid an egg. Hey-hey! Mermaid Man: Oh, that fellow over there used to be the Atomic Flounder. I know that he doesn't look like much, but he could go back to crime... ...just like that. Atomic Flounder: Help! Help! Help somebody here! | You're under arrest, Atomic Flounder! |
Mermaid Man: Stop, kid! STOP!! Let him go! | You said he could snap... ...just like that! |
Atomic Flounder: What?! Get off of me! If I weren't retired, I'd, I'd... ROARRRRRR!!!! ...do that! Outta my way, punk! | I can't believe it: I rode in the Invisible Boatmobile, met a villain, and learned to treat third-degree burns, all in one day. So, what are we going to do tomorrow. |
Barnacle Boy: Uh, uh, say, kid, why don't you take this nickel and go up there and see if our theme song in on the jukebox? | Okay. |
Mermaid Man: You know, for a pain in the neck, he's a pretty nice kid. Barnacle Boy: Let's ditch him. Mermaid Man: I'm right behind you. | It doesn't seem to be here. |
Barnacle Boy: Oh, it's there, all right. Mermaid Man: Keep looking. Diligence. Diligence. | Aye, aye, sir. |
Barnacle Boy: Dagnabbit! Mermaid Man: What's the matter? Barnacle Boy: Where did we park the Invisible Boatmobile?!? | Aw, that's the 15th time I've looked. But I can't let my heroes down! |
Mermaid Man: Boatmobile! Where are you? Barnacle Boy, I found it! Dirty Bubble: Still getting burned on that tail pipe, huh, Barnacle Boy? Barnacle Boy: It's the Dirty Bubble! Mermaid Man: In all his dirty roundness! Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy: Oh, no! | I found it and it's the special dance mix! |
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy: Help! Help! Help! | Holy Krabby Patties! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's arch nemesis: The Dirty Bubble! I can't believe it!! |
Dirty Bubble: You cannot save them, Sponge of Mystery! They are trapped by my awesome surface tension! | You don't understand! You're my most favorite super villain! Can I get your autograph? |
Dirty Bubble: Oh, no. Oh, no, you fool. Stay back! The point. Ooh, ooh! Watch the point! AAHH! Mermaid Man: Aha! You saved us, son! Barnacle Boy: Yeah, you're a hero! | I am? |
Mermaid Man: Are you up for another ride in the Invisible Boatmobile? | Oh... |
SpongeBob & Mermaid Man: Jingle bells, Mermaid Man smells, Barnacle Boy laid an egg... All 3: The Dirty Bubble popped and Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy and SpongeBob got away! Hooray! Barnacle Boy: Watch out! SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪Squidward had a Krabby Patty, Krabby Patty, Krabby Patty. Squidward had a Krabby Patty who's buns were white as snow!♪ Squidward: Welcome to the Krusty Krab. Where it's almost as if the evolutionary clock ticks backwards. SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪Squidward had a Krabby Patty--♪ Squidward: Excuse me for just a second. SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪--white as snow!♪ Squidward: Do you mind, I'm trying to work in a fast food restaurant. You might wanna try it sometime! | I sure would, Squidward. That sounds... |
Patrick: Oh, wait a minute! SpongeBob, you already do work in a fast food restaurant! | Oh, yeah! |
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yay! Squidward: Remind me to fire my therapist. And stop bringing your neighbors to work! Patrick: We're not just neighbors. | You can say that again! |
Patrick: We're not just... Squidward: I don't care! $4.19, please. SpongeBob and Patrick: Krabby Patty, Krabby Patty, Krabby Patty! Squidward: Alright! I am gonna... Well, I don't know what I'm gonna do, but... | She'll be comin' around the Krabby Patty when she comes! |
Squidward: SpongeBob, you nincompoop! You broke my face! Don't just stand there, help me! I need a doctor! | Oh, doctor! Is he gonna be alright? For the love of Neptune, tell me! |
Purple Doctorfish: Well ,son... | No! don't tell me! I can't take it! |
Purple Doctorfish: We should know... | No, please. Just... just don't. |
Purple Doctorfish: We won't know for two weeks. You'll just have to wait. | Two weeks? I'll never make it. |
Nurse Rechid: Mornin', SpongeBob. You're early today. | Good morning, Nurse Rechid. Hi, Mabel. Saved the blue one just for you. |
Mabel: Oh, SpongeBob. Blue is my favorite color. Er... or is it orange? | Don't worry, Mabel. I'll bet your amnesia's gonna wear off in no time. |
Mabel: My what? | Hiya, Squidward! I've been practicing how to flop on my back. |
Squidward: Purple Doctorfish: We can't really have you in here today. I'm going to be removing Squidward's bandages and he made me swear to keep you far away from him. | It has been two weeks already? . Don't worry, doc. I promise to stay out of the way. |
Purple Doctorfish: Okay. As long as you stay on the other side of the... Right. | Don't rush it! Sorry, go ahead. Wait! |
Purple Doctorfish: What is it? | Are you sure that the patient has enough emensmansera? |
Purple Doctorfish: I have no idea what that is. Please. Just let me work. | Very well, doctor. Carry on. |
Purple Doctorfish: May I? | Hold it! The readings on this brain meter are all wrong! We must postpone the operation! |
Purple Doctorfish: That is a television set put here for the patient's enjoyment. And it's not even plugged into the wall! | You're right, doctor. Proceed with operation sever. Hold it! |
Purple Doctorfish: Now what?! Nurse: Doctor, we can't do this. Surely we can use a less dangerous procedure. After all, we have to start thinking about... the welfare of... | Wait! |
Purple Doctorfish: What could it possibly be this time?! | I just want to say sorry for interrupting you before. |
Purple Doctorfish: I...I...I can't believe it. Squidward: SpongeBob? | Yeah? |
Squidward: How does it look? | Great Neptune... |
Squidward: Come on. Spit it out. I can take it. Nurse: Time for your medicine, Mister ...Mister...Mister... Handsome! Ohhh... Squidward: What did she call me? | Handsome. But she spelled it wrong. |
Squidward: Quick, hand me that mirror! What the...? Wait a second. That nurse was right. I am handsome! | Squidward, you're not handsome. You're a hunk! |
Abigali Marge: So handsome! Thaddeus: Handsome! Billy: Hello, Handsome. | Gee, Squidward. People really seem to be noticing how handsome you are now. You might even be more handsome than before. |
Tina: So handsome! | If that's even possible. |
Mary in wheel chair: Uh... It's a miracle...I can walk. Harold: I can see! Fat Student Fish: I can fly! Uh-oh. My shoe's untied. Female Teen Fish: Mr. Handsome, can I have your autograph? No! Not in the book, on my retainer. SpongeBob and Squidward: A limousine?! Squidward: Well SpongeBob, earlier today my spine was hurting, now I'm resting on fine leather upholstery. | Well, I'm gonna go clip my toenails Squidward, don't forget to enjoy being handsome. |
Squidward: Oh, don't worry. Crowd: Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Squidward: Huh? Well, better go greet the commoners. Crowd: Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Squidward: Good morning my people! I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but even I strange as it seems, need my beauty sleep. Fish #3: I want his shirt! Fish #4: I want his eyelids! Squidward: I guessed I kept them waiting a little too long. I know, a little music should soothe their hunger. Bill: Hey what is that sound? Harold: Wait it's him! The handsome man! Squidward: Beautiful and talented. what more do they want? Don't worry folks, there's more where that came from...Hey! Thaddeus: I got the clarinet! Squidward: There's nothing a little foaming herbal bath can't cure. Hey, my grandmother gave me that soap! Well, no one ever said it'd be easy being so handsome, Squiddy. You'll just start getting used to.. Big Female Fish: Hi, Handsome. Male Fish #7: Handsome! Female Fish #8: Handsome! Female Fish #9: Handsome! Let's get him! Squidward: SpongeBob! You gotta help me! They stole my bubble bath! Public life ain't all it's cracked up to be. I want my old life back. | Hmmm... I know just what to do. |
Mr. Krabs: Squidward? What have you done? You know what the Krusty Krab means to me, don't ya? And you took it upon yourself to bring all these, these customers, to me. Hey, don't worry folks, There's plenty of Squidward to go around. So everybody just line up and get your pocketbooks out, first will be a small fee of $14.98 per person, everyone will get the opportunity to touch Squidward. Squidward: We don't have much time! Take the door and change me back. Mr. Krabs: And I'll even throw in a free soft drink for an extra $3. Squidward: Come on, SpongeBob. Take the door and smash my face back! | I can't! It was one thing doing it by accident, but I can't hurt you on purpose. |
Squidward: You better hurt me or I'm really gonna hurt you! | Well, okay... |
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