Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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Squidward: No! I do not want a Krabby Patty! | You suuure? |
Squidward: Don't touch me. Customer: Why don't you want a Krabby Patty? Squidward: I've seen what he cleans the grill with. | Now all I need is a fresh patty. Hey, where'd all this water come from? There we go. Oh my stars and garters, the sink is clogged up. Safety. Now what seem to be the trouble? Patrick, what happened? |
Patrick: There I was, walking along, just minding my own business and then BOOM! Some dumbbell put this thing in the way. Whatcha doing? | Trying to see what has this sink all backed up. Would you excuse me a second? |
Patrick: Uh-huh. | Ah-ha! Oh, this is easy. All I have to do is pull the drain plug. Pull the drain plug. Pull the drain plug. Pull the drain plug. The drain plug. The drain plug. The drain plug. The drain plug. |
Mr. Krabs: THE DRAIN PLUG!?!?!? SpongeBob!!! What in Neptune's bathtub do you think you're doing, lad? | The sink is clogged, so I was going to pull out the drain plug. |
Mr. Krabs: Stop messing with that drain plug! Are you daft? | Why don't you want me to pull out the drain plug, Mr. Krabs? |
Mr Krabs: Why don't I, but...hmm...one sec. Time for a scary story boys. The story......of the Main Drain. Patrick. Patrick: Sorry. Mr. Krabs: As I was saying... It happened a long time ago... Patrick! ...to a pair of little kids. Patrick: Two little kids? Mr. Krabs: Anyway, it said that the Main Drain beckoned to them, putting them under its spell. Green Kid: ♪Dadadada-dum-da-dumdumdum.♪ Orange Kid: Whooooo. Mr. Krabs: One day, those two kids were wandering through the ocean, when they stumble upon it. Kids: Huh? Mr. Krabs: The Main Drain. Kids: Mr. Krabs: Legend has it that their curiosity got the best of 'em. And they pulled the plug. The entire ocean rusted in the drain and sucked those two kids right down. The drain was so powerful, it pulled all of Bikini Bottom into its gaping maw, causing an apocalypse to the sea! And nobody was ever heard from...again. | Where is the Main Drain, Mr. Krabs? |
Mr. Krabs: Well it right, I...I don't know where it is, and I'm certainly not going to tell you. So, so, so get out of here and stay away from that drain! No plugs will be pulled on my watch. Patrick: Mr. Krabs sure has a lot of baggage about drain dealies. | The Main Drain sounds very, very dangerous. I'm never gonna go near that thing. |
Patrick: We should go find it! To protect it from people like us. | What if we get sucked in like those other two kids! |
Patrick: Ohh, don't worry, we're not little kids. We're all grown up! Hey! A baby tooth! | Who's been at Bikini Bottom for as long as Mr. Krabs? |
Plankton: Owwwww! Patrick: Ewwwwww... | Oh, Hi Plankton! |
Plankton: EEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!! Patrick: Let's ask Plankton. He's a geezer. Plankton: What stupid question do you want the answer to? Idiots. | Patrick, and I are trying to find the Main Drain |
Plankton: The Main Drain? What are you to bothering me for? I mean I-I don't know where the Main Drain is. It's a myth anyway, it doesn't exist. | Yeah, but Mr. Krabs said- |
Plankton: Krabs?! Why that- Well, he was just telling you a fish tail. There's no such thing as a Drain at the bottom of the sea. So go on, scram, shoe, get outta here! Plankton: Why on earth would Krabs tell those two blunderers about the Main Drain? | I wonder who else knows about the Main Drain... |
Both: Old Man Jenkins! Old Man Jenkins: Why are you two asking about the Main Drain? | Mr. Krabs told us a story of how the Main Drain once destroyed Bikini Bottom. |
Patrick: So we've been looking for it! | Does the Main Drain even exist? |
Old Man Jenkins: Ohhhh, it exists alright. But it's been...uhhh... hushed up. | Where is the Drain oh, wise Jenkins? |
Old Man Jenkins: I have no idea. | Patrick! We need to find that Drain! |
Patrick: Why? | Isn't your curiosity piqued? What if somebody accidentally pulls it? What if- What if- |
Patrick: Oh man, I hope this question;s not for me. I hate questions. | What do you think, Patrick? |
Patrick: Dah-uhhh! 42. No, triangle! Meatballs! Screwdrivers! Pajamas! | I hear ya' Patrick! Let's go find that Main Drain! |
Patrick: Okay. | Let's start walkin' |
Patrick: Oh, no thanks. I'm not into the whole walking thing. | But, Patrick how are we gonna get to the center of the ocean? |
Patrick: Wait for it to come to us. | Hmmmm...I have a better idea! Well, what do you think? |
Patrick: I love it! Both: ROAD TRIP!! WOAAAAAH!!!! | Well, that's out. |
Both: Hmmmm... | I know!! |
SpongeBob and Patrick: AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! Squidward: Another miserable day... | Ohh. How are we gonna find the center of the ocean now? |
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hmmmmm... Patrick: Oh! Oh! I know exactly what to do! NEEIIGGHH Squidward: Owwwwwww. That's better... | Doin' great Patrick! We'll be there in no time! |
Patrick: Owww. Oh. Huh, I found it! | Wow. Good job... |
Patrick: Let's pull it. | WHAT?!?!?! Why would we do that?! |
Patrick: Well, that was the whole point of coming here right? | NOOO!!!! We came to see if it was real! |
Patrick: Well, how do we know if this one is a fake? | We- We don't know... |
Patrick: We won't know unless we pull it! | But...if we pull it, and if it's real, the world may end! |
Patrick: And if we don't, we'll never know... Both: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Mr. Krabs: Boys, there's more to that story about the Drain! You see... Plankton: We were the two ding-a-lings who pulled that plug. SpongeBob and Patrick: Mr. Krabs: That's right one day, Plankton and I were wandering around. Young Krabs and Plankton: Huh? Young Plankton: Young Krabs: Mother of pearl! Mr. Krabs: You see, we had to lie to keep you from lookin' for it. Plankton: We just didn't want you to make the same mistake we made. | Pheeeww. That was a close one... |
Patrick: Yeah, We almost messed up big time. Pheeeww. | Huh? |
SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs and Plankton: Patrick: Bikini Bottomies: Patrick: It's the most realistic story I've ever heard! | Boy, I can't wait to show Sandy my new karate moves, oh, Sandy, aaah... Sandy is in trouble. Don't worry, Sandy, I'm coming to save you! |
Fuzzy Acorns: Who is this intruder that fails to attack me? Sandy: That's my friend: SpongeBob SquarePants. | Whoa...what was that stench? |
Fuzzy Acorns: That is what we in karate call; the Smell of Death! | You know kah-ra-tay? |
Sandy: He doesn't just know karate, he IS karate. He is the legendary karate master, Fuzzy Acorns. Fuzzy is here to test me for the highest belt in karate. | But, Sandy, you already have a black belt. |
Sandy: Yes, but there's one even higher than that! The blacker belt! | Gee...I wish I had a karate belt |
Fuzzy Acorns: If you want a belt, you must earn it. | Okay? How do I do that? |
Fuzzy Acorns: You got caught in the eyes? What do you think I'm here for!? | Hm? |
Fuzzy Acorns: I am the mighty oak, and you are but a sapling! | Um...sorry. I'm confused. |
Fuzzy Acorns: I am here to separate that wheat from the chaff! No? That last one usually works... Sandy: What Fuzzy is trying to say is that he is here to judge whether anyone is worthy of getting a karate belt or not. | But how can anyone ever truly know whether he or she is worthy? |
Fuzzy Acorns: It is simple. I conduct a series of tests, and if you pass, I'll give you a belt that shows you know karate. Fuzzy Acorns: The first test is simple. Split a log with one hand chop, like so. Your turn, Karate Man. | Mm-mmm! Yeah, okay. |
Fuzzy Acorns: Please proceed. | Okay! Prepare to see the split of your life! |
Fuzzy Acorns: Mastery of this test will show me you're ready for the next level of karate-dom! Alright, your turn! | In turn I will! |
Fuzzy Acorns: Just do the thing with the thing please! We shall settle this on the battlefield tomorrow! You two will fight each other! If I see you have the skill of real hand-to-hand combat, I will award you with karate belts. Otherwise, you get nothing. | Oh, wait! Sensei! |
Fuzzy Acorns: No more talk! Only do! Sandy: Better run on home and practice SpongeBob! See you tomorrow! Narrator: Early the next morning... | My match! I can't get outta here! |
Gary: Meow... | Thanks Gary! |
Gary: Meow meow. Fuzzy Acorns: Where is the soft one!? That match starts in... Right now! | Here...I'm right here... I've readied myself...into a full state of readiness...and I am ready...to be ready...I'm so tired...I'm so tired...so very tired... |
Sandy: You sure you want to do this buddy? Fuzzy Acorns: Enough talk! If you want your belt, you gonna have to tussle it out! So let the match begin! | Alright! Brace yourself Sandy! 'Cause it's about to get rough and tumble! |
Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob! You gotta catch me first! Fuzzy Acorns: Most impressive, Sandy. But I am here to evaluate SpongeBob. Let's see what he can do on the offensive! | Okay Sandy! Prepare for my finishing move! I call it The Sleeper! |
Sandy: Huh? Fuzzy Acorns: Very good, Sandy! You put your opponent to sleep in under a minute! Too bad your opponent didn't put up a fight. I was prepared to give you the lowest of belts, The Clear Belt! But now, I realize you're unfit to wear a belt of any kind, including the one that holds up your pants! Sandy: Don't be disappointed, SpongeBob. A belt isn't the most important thing in karate. | Easy for you to say, Sandy. Your pants aren't down right around your ankles. |
Fuzzy Acorns: And I'm revoking your black belt! Sandy: Hey! You can't do that! Fuzzy Acorns: Oh, yes I can! For wasting my time bringing me this sorry, excuse for a student! Stick to something you're good at, son. | Yes Sensei... |
Sandy: That was pretty low-down, Fuzzy. The way you humiliated my friend. Fuzzy Acorns: The Sponge-One will never earn his belt. Sandy: I know SpongeBob will impress you if you give him one more chance! Fuzzy Acorns: Silence! No more chances! Sensei never gives two chances! If you really want to impress me, show me where I can get a decent meal around here. Lunch time approaches. Sandy: That's it! I'll take him to the Krusty Krab and then he might just find himself impressed by a certain sandwich maker! Fuzzy Acorns: Who're you talking to? Squidward: Come on, SpongeBob! What's wrong with you!? Get grilling! | Squidward I...I failed my karate exam... |
Squidward: Which is why I keep telling you: Never try anything new, ever! Stick to what you're good at! And stick to it soon! | Stick to what I'm good at? Hey, Squidward's right! |
Sandy: You sure you don't need an air helmet? Fuzzy Acorns: This won't take long. Fuzzy has trained himself to go hours without air. Sandy: How about them moves? Fuzzy Acorns: Pretty okay...for a fry cook! Squidward: SpongeBob! Twenty more orders here! | Twenty! Got it Squidward! |
Sandy: Well, that took some agility! Fuzzy Acorns: Simple parlor tricks! Yah, a Kung-Fu charlatan! Sandy: Now you're convinced! Fuzzy Acorns: I've seen better! Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob! I like my patty in twelfths, please! | Okay! There you go, Sandy! |
Fuzzy Acorns: Huh!? Maybe squishy boy is more skilled than I first thought! Sandy: Told ya! Fuzzy Acorns: Not so fast, Squirrel Cheeks! The only way to truly know is to test him myself! Harold: Hey, waiter! An empty plate!? | Oh! I forgot the fries! |
Fuzzy Acorns: Now, I see you're a skilled opponent! With a cold-blooded heart of a warrior! | Sigh...You little Krabby Patties are so cute! Hmm...something's not right here. It's the onions! They've gone bad! |
Fuzzy Acorns: He's on the offensive! Time for you to end this! Sandy: That's showing him, SpongeBob! You gonna give him a belt Fuzzy? Or have you not had enough yet? Fuzzy Acorns: You brought me to the dance, but the universe is cutting in! Sandy: Huh? | Okay, looking good! |
Fuzzy Acorns: Sponge-Man! Smell the vibrations! | Make the fires! I almost forgot! |
Squidward: More Patties! | Grilling them now! Your fries, sir! And your fries, sir! Ketchup? Oops! Got it! Gasp! Fuzzy! |
Sandy: Oh no! | Sensei Fuzzy! You okay? |
Fuzzy Acorns: I was wrong about you, SpongeBob. You have bested Fuzzy, with your karate greatness! You are now a karate master! | For me? Thanks, Fuzzy! Fuzzy? You look terrible! Sandy, what's wrong with Fuzzy? |
Sandy: I know what he needs! He just needs this! Fuzzy Acorns: No more talk, only do! Sandy my dear, for holding your own against the sponge, you have truly proven yourself worthy of the Blacker Belt! Sandy and SpongeBob: Thanks, Fuzzy! Fuzzy Acorns: Why must the universe confound me so!? Plankton: Attention, beach-goers! You are trespassing! You have exactly 17 minutes to haul your carcasses off the future site of the 'Chum Bucket Mega Bucket.' Tina: Do you hear something? Plankton: Okay, have it your way. I don't mind bulldozing over each and every one-- Billy: Mommy, look! Somebody left this toy tractor here. Evelyn: Put that down, Billy, that has germs on it. Billy: Aw, mom. Plankton: You'll see. You'll all see! The future site of the Chum Bucket Mega Bucket must be clear to these cretinous beachgoers. But it's becoming increasingly obvious... I can deny it no longer... I am small. I need someone big to clear the beach for me. I need... SpongeBob! | Steppin' on the beach! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Steppin' on the beach! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Steppin' on the beach! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Steppin' on the beach! Doo-doo-doo-doo! |
Plankton: Yes. He's the one. | I'll have one... |
Monroe: Two, please. Thanks. | One, please. |
Eel: 'Scuse me. | One, please. |
Lou: Sorry, kid. We're all out. | Aww, barnacles. Plankton, what are you doing here? And why are you crying? |
Plankton: Oh, hi, SpongeBob. I'm cryin' because I've got these two ice cream cones, but I only need one! I don't know what to do with the other one! | I'll eat one of those ice cream cones for ya. |
Plankton: SpongeBob! Would you do that for me? | Sure! |
Plankton: SpongeBob... SpongeBob? SPONGEBOB!!! | Yeah? |
Plankton: Isn't it great to get the things you desire? Like that ice cream cone, for instance. You can have anything you want with a little training. | Training? |
Plankton: Yes. You just have to learn to be more assertive. And I can show you how. | Assertive, huh? |
Plankton: That's right. | Anything I want. Sounds great! |
Plankton: Wonderful. SpongeBob, don't let that guy sit on you! Assertiveness lesson #1: tell him to get off! | Umm, excuse me, sir, you're sitting on my body, which is also my face. |
Plankton: No, no, be assertive! | ...beep, beep! |
Plankton: NOT INSERTIVE! SpongeBob, you missed your chance! You've got to be aggressive to get the things you want! You're too soft! | But I'm a spo... |
Plankton: Don't say it! There's the guy who took your ice cream. Don't you want it back? | Ice cream! |
Plankton: Listen, you! My friend's got something to say! Eel: What, who said that? Was it you? Plankton: Tell him off, SpongeBob. Assert yourself! | That's my ice cream cone! |
Plankton: Great! Now let him have it! | You can have it. |
Eel: Say, thanks! Plankton: No! I'll show ya how! Hey, pencil neck! Yeah, you... slither over here! Surrender that ice cream cone, or every waking moment for you will become a swirling torrent of pain and misery! | Hey, that guy was crying! |
Plankton: Those were tears of joy! He was happy that you were assertive! | Yeah! |
Plankton: You see how wonderful life can be, when you're maniacal? | Uhh, I thought it was called assertive. |
Plankton: Whatever. | Well, if it got me this ice cream, then I like it! I found something! |
Scooter Like Fish: Uhh, excuse me, my metal detector broke. Can I use yours? | Sure! |
Plankton: SpongeBob, this is your next lesson. Be aggressive! Tell that guy to take a hike! | Hey, do you want to take a hike with me? |
Scooter Like Fish: Yeah! Plankton: ...NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! Tell that guy to go fall in a ditch! | Hey! Go check in that ditch! |
Scooter Like Fish: Wow! Buried treasure! Thanks! | Did you see that, Plankton? That guy found some buried treasure! |
Plankton: SpongeBob, you'll never get it right! Tell that guy you know karate and you'll tie him in a knot if you don't get your metal detector back! | Hey! I'm gonna tie your shoe if you don't give that back! |
Fish: But I'm wearing sandals! | Okay, never mind! It's alright, Plankton, he's wearing sandals. What's the matter? |
Plankton: Oh, nothing, SpongeBob. I was just beginning to think that this was a waste of time. | No it's not! |
Plankton: Forget it! I guess you don't have what it takes to be a stand-up guy. | But what about airline food? |
Plankton: What? | Airline food. My gosh, what is up with that stuff? Thank you, good night! See, I can be a stand-up guy. See? |
Plankton: SpongeBob, you'll never get what you want! You'll always let people step all over you! You're just like stairs! | Wait, Plankton, give me another chance! |
Plankton: Okay, but this is your last chance! Look at all those beach hogs soaking up your sun rays. Do you have what it takes to get a tan? | Just watch me! Man, this thing is sandy! |
Fred: My leg! Plankton: Yes, my plan is beginning to work! They're leaving the beach! SpongeBob, that was wonderful! Is that an all-over tan? | Well, not all of me. |
Hot Dog Man: Hot dogs! Hot dogs! Plankton: Look at that huge line at the hot dog stand. Assert yourself to the front! | I'll do better than that! |
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