Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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Plankton: SpongeBob, that was genius! Look at all those kite fliers blocking your view! | What? |
Plankton: Breaking your wind! Larry: Hey, SpongeBob, throw us the ball! | Plankton, did you see that? I was a regular alpha-male! Plankton? Plankton, all my asserting is driving everybody away! |
Plankton: Exactly. | You didn't tell me everyone would leave. |
Plankton: Oops. | Mega Bucket?! You used me... FOR LAND DEVELOPMENT! That wasn't nice! |
Plankton: Haven't you figured it out, SpongeBob? Nice guys finish last. Only aggressive people conquer the world! | Well, what about aggressively nice people? |
Plankton: Huh? What are you doing?! Wait, SpongeBob! Stop! Butterfly kisses... can't take it... it's too cute... it's disgusting! | What happened? |
Scooter: I hit a reef with my new board, dude! | No problem! |
Scooter: Whoa! Killer! Plankton: SpongeBob, stop! Before it's too late! Your kindness is bringing everybody back! Get back! Wait! Scooter: Cowabunga! Thanks, dude! That was awesome! | Gee, Plankton, I'm sorry about the Chum Bucket. |
Plankton: Forget about that. I just can't take so much kindness in one sitting. NEED... HATRED... | Volleyball, anyone? Serve up! Aaa! Ouch! Aaa! Ouch! Aaa! Ouch! |
Mr. Krabs: Alright, hold on a second there, free-loader! What are you doing here? Patrick: I'm here for lunch. Mr. Krabs: Did you bring money this time? Patrick: Yes! Mr. Krabs: Let me see that. Alright, tastes real. Now get in line! Patrick: Yes, sir! Bill: Hey, how's that new executive treatment sandwich treating you? Cause it's hitting all the quadrants of my hunger markets. Patrick: Mmm, quadrants! Bill: You know, it reminds me of something I was thinking about business the other day. Harold: The satisfaction earnings of the fourth quarter of my lunch are off the charts! Bill: And I love the way it tastes! Yellow Executive: And business, my friend, is the business I'm talking about. Marv: Well, one can't have business without business right? Yellow Executive: Interesting point, Marv. How's your sandwich? Marv: Absolutely spectacular! This new menu item is the business plan I can really get behind! Executive: I tell you, this is one dynamic little sandwich. Shubie: With levels of proactiveness that are off the charts. Business wise. Executive: It really appeals to my demographic. Shubie: Well, you are an executive in a fast-paced world of business. Executive: Ha, ha! That's for sure! Patrick: These guys talk funny words. Squidward: Oh, yeah. They're a riot. What can I get ya? Patrick: I guess I'll have one of these business sandwiches everybody's talking about. Squidward: Ah, the executive treatment. Patrick: Is that what you call it? Squidward: Well, that's what Mr. Krabs makes me call it. It's really just a Krabby Patty that costs more. And SpongeBob wears a different tie when he makes it. Patrick: Oh, wow! I'll take seven! Squidward: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. The executive treatment is available to executives only. I'm not sorry. Patrick: But I never wanted anything so much in my whole life! Since this morning when I wanted a donut-night at the Donut and it was great! The donut is gone! The donut is gone! Squidward: First of all, a lot of that donut, it's still on your face! Patrick: Now, where's my executive treatment? Squidward: I told you, it's for executives only! And you aren't even dressed like an executive! I could of course sell you the official Krusty Krab business tie for only 10 dollars. Patrick: Will the tie let me order the executive treatment? Squidward: Not on its own, no. But you could Krabby-size the tie with and get a pair of business glasses for additional 10 dollars. Patrick: Well, I'd be stupid not to! Squidward: Well, you're half right. Patrick: Here's your 20 bucks. Squidward: Here's your glasses. Patrick: Thanks! I'll take one executive treatment, my good man. | Here's your executive treatment! |
Squidward: Here you go. Patrick: Oh, man! It looks executively delicious! Marv: Carl, what are you doing standing around at a time like this? We're gonna be late for the big brainstorming meeting! Patrick: But! But! Save my sandwich for me, Squidward! Squidward! Squidward: I'll save it alright. I'll just put it here in the circular files. Mr. Krabs: What are you doing throwing away a perfectly sellable sandwich?! Patrick: No! No! No! Not 4-B! No! Marv: Wow! You're very upset about conference room 4-B. And I can't say I blame you. Because conference room 4-B is the most terrifying conference room in the whole building. More people have been fired in here than all the other conference rooms combined! Save it for the big brainstorming meeting! Right here is where all the biggest business decisions in the business are made. Why if an impostor were to be caught in here, hmm... Patrick: He'd be given a sandwich and sent on his way? Marv: No, he'd be convicted as a corporate spy and sent to jail forever and ever and ever. Hey, where are you going? Patrick: I think I’ve forgot to water my manatee I'll just--? Stockholder Eel: Gentlemen, please. Patrick: Where am I? Stockholder Eel: Exactly. I like you, young man. Everybody scoot down and so he can sit next to me. And I won't intimidate him at all by my terrifyingly largeness and proximity. As this junior executive so eloquently put it, “Where exactly are we?” Marv: Ah, sir, if you take a look at this I believe you'll agree that we’re perfectly positioned for our marketing to be number one across the business sector. Stockholder Eel: I need a straight answer, not a bunch of meaningless charts! What do you give a disappointed stockholder to make him feel better? Patrick: A sandwich? Harold: Get a load of this guy! A sandwich! Marv: This guy has sandwiches on the brain! Patrick: No I don't! Tom: That's just about the silliest piece of idea! Stockholder Eel: Alright, hold it! Now all of you just hold it right there! It's easy to laugh and judge and heap a man with scholar when you hear an idea that stands out because it's so unusual. So, everybody, just stop and think for a minute about what your colleague is really trying to say because I want to be the one to tell him, That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. Patrick: What if I had a meaningless chart? Stockholder Eel: Yes, maybe I was too hasty about that. Well, you're definitely giving a new meaning to the word “meaningless”. Patrick: Oh, wait! And here's a little house with smoke coming out of the chimney. See what I mean? I guess he likes my chart, 'cause he's smiling. Marv: He smiles like that when he's really angry. Patrick: Do you slap your palms down on the table like that too? Stockholder Eel: Yes. Patrick: Oh. Stockholder Eel: I don't know who you are, but you better not be an impostor. Do you know what happens to impostors in conference room 4-B? Patrick: Well, uh, let's see. Uh, don't tell me! I-I know it's not sandwiches. They don't get sandwiches. Do they? Stockholder Eel: Mister, this is the last straw! Now, I'm just going to give you just 18 more chances to prove yourself. Narrator: Montage. Stockholder Eel: Jenkins! Jenkins: Yes, sir? Stockholder Eel: Mustache. Jenkins: Here you are sir. Patrick: And so in conclusion, I would like to submit my official report. Stockholder Eel: You know, kid. We need somebody like you around here. Patrick: You do? Stockholder Eel: For me to fire! Patrick: Oh, yeah? Well, I’ve got a surprise for you. You can't fire me! I'm not an executive at all! I'm just a guy who happens to like sandwiches! So, go ahead! Send me away forever as a corporate spy if you want to! But not before I've had my say! Officer Rob: You have a visitor. Patrick: Who is it? | Hello, Patrick. |
Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob. | Hey, I heard you're in charge of the laundry room on Thursdays. That's nice. |
Patrick: Yeah. Well, it's pretty nice I guess. | You know what that makes you? |
Patrick: Nuh-uh. | An executive! |
Patrick: Oh, wait! Oh, is that what I think it is?! | Uh-huh! An executive treatment! |
Officer Rob: What happened to prisoner 665321? Patrick: Let's go home, SpongeBob. | Okay, but who are you? No seriously. Who are you? Founders Day is here today, Squidward is this even? |
Squidward: A little higher. A little to the left. A little more to the left. Ha- Perfect! Oww. | Wow, Mr. Krabs really loves Founder's Day! |
Squidward: No, he doesn't! | But just look at him go! |
Squidward: This is the day he gets the patty orders for the big Founder's Day eating contest, it's the most money Krabs makes all year. | Well it's not just that, Mr. Krabs has a lot of love in his heart for this town. |
Mr. Krabs: Nope, Squidward's right. Not only do I supply the Eating Contest but I get to sell my profilating patties to all the hungry spectators! I had to grease a few wheels but it was worth it. Commissioner: Thanks Krabs! Mr. Krabs: Sure thing, Mr. Commissioner! See you at Founders' Day! Mr. Krabs: ♪Oh, I wonder wonder wonder how many Patties must be made♪ Squidward: Wonder no longer, you only need one. Mr. Krabs: ♪rednow rednow rednow I, ho. edam eb tsum seittap♪ What do you mean one?! Squidward: Didn't you see today's newspaper? Mr. Krabs: No takers for 'McNulty Challenge'. Ha! What's that suppose to mean? Squidward: He's the current champion. He only needs to eat one patty to win. Mr. Krabs: I'm ruined! No-one wants to see a one Krabby Patty Eating Contest, least of all me wallet. | Hey at least we have Founders Day! |
Mr. Krabs: I couldn't give a seafit for Founders Day. I need sales boy, sales is what I need. Oh if only there was someone dumb and hungry enough to take on Ol' Oswald McNulty. Patrick: Patrick: I'll just have 47 Krabby Patties, please. I had a big breakfast so I'm not that hungry. Squidward did you get a new haircut? Mr. Krabs: Ah! Dumb and hungry. Well, if it isn't Patrick! Patrick: I isn't Patrick? Mr. Krabs: No, no of course you are! How would you like to eat as many Krabby Patties as you can handle and restore the honor of your home town. Patrick: I like the first part but I don't understand the second part. Mr. Krabs: I'm talking about Oswald McNulty! He comes here every year with his big city ways and his extremely relaxed throat muscles and he shows us up a bunch of rubes. Rubes! And on Founders Day no less! We need a home-town hero to make me lots of mone- I mean return the belt to Bikini Bottom! He-he, He-he. Mr. Krabs: You're going up against the best, so you have to be the best! We're gonna light a fire under you boy-o! Patrick: Ah! Oh no, that's gonna hurt! Mr. Krabs: Listen up, Mister. No more fooling around, you're here to eat and eat and then eat some more. Patrick: I like to eat! Mr. Krabs: Well let's see how your tummy handles these patties Mr. likes-to-eat. Patrick: Ha-ha-ha, you said tummy. | Tummies! Ha-ha-ha |
Patrick: I like whistles! Mr. Krabs: Eat! Mr. Krabs: What are you doin'? Your wastin' time! Patrick: Gotta warm up my taste buds first. Mr. Krabs: Son, can you eat faster? Patrick: Oh, faster? Mr. Krabs: Four and a half patties in one minute! Well McNulty can eat a hundred in a minute! But you know I think your teeth might be getting in the way a little bit- Patrick: Oh, why didn't you say so. Mr. Krabs: Ooh, I didn't know you had false teeth. Patrick: I don't Mr. Krabs: Nah, that can't be it, McNulty has teeth. SpongeBob! Let's go to the film. Mr. Krabs: Look at that devious face, a face without pity, cold dead eyes, like a sharks eyes. What is Oswald McNulty doin' that Patrick Star is not! Patrick: His homework? Mr. Krabs: Or maybe we should be asking what Oswald McNulty is not doing. | His taxes? |
Mr. Krabs: Your both wrong! Or possibly right, I mean I don't know much about his personal life, the point is, he's not tasting boys, That's where Oswald McNulty has the edge! Those extra seconds you take to taste a patty Patrick, are slowing you down! From now on You must put them in yer mouth, then swallow! Patrick: I don't get to taste? | This feels wrong Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: Don't act bad bucket boy, we're gonna need a hundred more patties. | Okay, i'll get right on it. |
Mr. Krabs: We're gonna teach this sea star, a new way to eat! Without tasting. Fred: There he goes! Thaddeus: Our champion! Sadie: He's so dreamy! Mr. Krabs: Come one, come all! This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! It's a Founders Day extravaganza! Watch our home town hero, Patrick Star, take on the down the beloved champion from three towns over, Oswald McNulty! And see who takes, The Patty Belt! Diner Fish: Say, can my little boy ask you something? Boy with a Broken Foot: Are you the brave man that's gonna bring the belt back to Bikini Bottom? Patrick: Diner Fish: Inspiring words! Boy with a Broken Foot: I hurted my foot on the playground. Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, that's wonderful, move back. Be sure to bring your friends! Boy with a Broken Foot: Dad, is that the bad man who took the belt away from Bikini Bottom? Diner Fish: Yes it is son. Perch Perkins: Looks like this crowd is hungry! For excitement that is, and also possibly food, any moment now these doors will open on what promises to be the most dynamic patty eating contest, in Founders Day history. Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patties, T-shirts, conical hats, and, Patrick's chompers! Perch Perkins: Today, our local hero, Patrick Star, the courageous underdog, is going against five time belt winner, Oswald McNulty from three towns over, one can only imagine the seeding tension pulling over right now, between these two titans of the sport, as they prepare for ultimate battle. Patrick: Hey. Oswald McNulty: How's it going. Perch Perkins: Five short minutes to consume as many patties as they can. | Who's ready! |
Patrick: SpongeBob, I don't wanna do this. | Well then don't do it, i'm sure Mr. Krabs will understand. |
Mr. Krabs: I smell mutiny, what's going on here? Patrick: I don't want to eat in the contest it hurts my taste feelings. Mr. Krabs: Oh, no problem, here. Patrick: What's that? Mr. Krabs: That, is a bill, for all those Krabby Patties you ate during training. Patrick: But I didn't know I had to pay! Mr. Krabs: Well I didn't know either until you decided you weren't doing the contest, and that means all your training patties, just became plain, eating patties. Now if you was to do the contest, I might be inclined to tear up this here little bill, and of course, there are all the people counting on you son. Boy with a Broken Foot: Ow, my foot. Patrick: Okay, i'll do it for the little boy with the hurt foot. Mr. Krabs: You made the right choice kid! Perch Perkins: There's the bell! And we're off and eating. McNulty taking an early lead and really going to work with those patties, what a dynamo! A little skull from three towns over eating at a terrific pace! But what's this? Patrick Star isn't moving, he seems stuck in the gate! Mr. Krabs: What are you doing Patrick? Don't make me charge you for those patties too! Perch Perkins: McNulty is pressing forward, looks like this is gonna be a blowout! Boy with a Broken Foot: Patrick, I believe in you Patrick. Perch Perkins: But wait! Patrick Star is on the move, patties are starting to disappear, look at that little sea star eat! He's inching closer to McNulty, and it look like McNulty can feel the heat, never have there been a more pretentious display of competitive eating! The amount of patties being consumed is astounding. And now, yes, yes! Patrick Star has matched Oswald McNulty! And they are tied as they come into the home stretch! Both eaters are so full they could barely eat but eat they do, moving so slowly now. One can't help but wonder if they are going to hit the patty wall at some point. And, and, Both eaters have stopped! With only seconds left, we are tied in patties eaten, and neither one seems to have the room to go on! Oh! What is this? And down goes McNulty, down goes McNulty! It looks like we do have a tie! Patrick: It's over SpongeBob, I can't go on. | The taste, Patrick, Remember the taste! |
Patrick: The taste. Perch Perkins: What's this? Patrick Star has risen from his seat, and is pointing to center field, No wait! He's pointing to a little boy with a hurt foot. Ladies and gentleman, he's pointing to his mouth, as if to indicate something. Boy with a Broken Foot: Here you go champ, you can have one. Perch Perkins: And, he's eating! He's eating! The Great Starbino, is eating! Patrick Star wins! The belt is back in Bikini Bottom! The belt is back in Bikini Bottom! Commissioner: Here you go son, you earned it fat and square. Perch Perkins: Congratulations, Starbino. So, are you gonna defend the belt next year? Patrick: No, this thing doesn't even fit! Boy with a Broken Foot: Ow! My other foot. Nat: Neptune's stirred up quite a gale tonight. He must be mad about something. Shubie: Ha! Hahahaha! That's silly. Everyone knows Poseidon is ruler of the undersea. Oh. My leftovers. Nat: Nooo! Why, dear Neptune? | Mmmm-mmmm. Goulash. Hey, out there! You dropped your goulash! Hello? My pores are whistling in the wind. Hahahahaha! That tickles! Aww. The little critter likes my whistling pores. That tickles! |
Moon: My shift's over. Sun: Time for work, SpongeBob. | All right, Jelly, out you go. It's been real fun, but I gotta get to work. Quite a wind this morning, eh, Jelly? Whoa! Hey, Sparky, can you tell your friends I don't have time to play right now? Hahaha! No, please! Stop it! Please stop! Whoa! Oh! I'm going to be late! I told you guys, I don't have time to play! I have not been tardy one time in my career as a fry cook, and I'm not going to start today! |
Jellyfish: Hahaha! | I need to call in some help. My fingers are too big for the buttons. |
Mr. Krabs: Hello, this be the Krusty Krab. | Mr. Krabs! I need you! |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Where you been? Customers are blowin' in here like nobody's business! and lands on his face, then gets in line] | I am sorry, Mr. Krabs, but these jellyfish don't want me to go to work! |
Mr. Krabs: Jellyfish? | They're attracted to my whistley holes. |
Mr. Krabs: Uh, I'll never understand what you just said. But if it's transportation you need, I know just the thing. Gotcha! Hmm? Ooh, this one's puttin' up a fight. It's fightin' too hard! If you're gonna reel him in, Krabs, you gotta wear him down. Give him a little slack, then yank! Give a little slack, then yank! There he is. Ready for work. Draw back the point, now get in there and start pushing out them patties. | Aye aye, sir. Let's get these patties started right! Wooooh! That gives me an idea. Order up! *humming* Ooh, hoohoo! Oh no. They've found me. No, no, no, guys, please! Uh, would you mind coming back after business hours? Heh, I'm trying to work here. |
Weatherman: The weather situation is much worse across the country. Bob: And this doesn't look like the winds are going to stop any time soon. Patrick: Ha ha ha ha. Fishy go bye-bye. Barbara: And that's the way it is in your world today. Patrick: Boring! I don't want to watch any of this boring stuff. I wanna watch something decent like-- | Sorry, Patrick. I need a place to hide from those jellyfish. |
Patrick: What jellyfish? | Ever since the wind started, a sound whistles through my holes that the jellyfish seem to love. |
Patrick: Hey, pal. Owww! SpongeBob, get out of here! I'm sorry, SpongeBob, but you've become a negative influence! | Hahahaha! At least the wind stopped. I think I lost them. Well, I guess I should just stay here where it's safe... and quiet... and dark. It's okay. I'll only hide out here here for a second. Yeah, it shouldn't take long. Behind these rocks. These sedentary, lifeless rocks. |
Narrator: Later... | Hey, buddy. Just thought I'd spruce you up a little. Auh-what's that? Oh, you don't say. Well, guess what. You're my best friend too. Mmm-hmmm. Come on, let's have some fun. Look buddy, mmmmmmmmm. Dinner's ready. Here, let's have some tea. Want some sugar, buddy? Hmm? One lump or two? Oh, you can have it all. I feel comfortable around you. Can I confess something? Cause I know you'll understand. I have this problem. I seem to attract jellyfish! Hahahaha! How do handel a thing like that, Hmmmmm? Yeah, yeah. I'm in a loss, too. Oh, barnacles. I'm gonna be stuck in this cave forever! Of course, buddy. Brilliant idea! We'll see what happens this time. Whoooaaa, here they come! Go get 'em, buddy! Hey, guys. Long time no see. Uh, what do you think about my little friend's song? ...Something wrong? Hmmmmm. I created one stone SpongeBob that uttered a note in a foul key. But if I were to craft another in a different size, the dimensions of that hollow center, multiplied by the number of holes, may offer another tune. One that could soothe those jellyfish. But which one is the right size?! Eh. I guess I'll just have to make a bunch of them. Okay, that should do 'er. Woah. It actually worked. Ah, they're finally leaving me alone. I can go back to work now! Krusty Krab, here I come! How long was I gone?! No! No! No! |
Narrator: 3,000 years later... Alien: To this day, no one knows why these mysterious statues were created or by whom. All we know is that the genius of their design has caused the annual migration of jellyfish to their wondrous tune. Sandy: You know, SpongeBob, sometimes, it's nice to hang up my hang-glider and just watch the clouds roll by. | Yup, and just relax. |
Sandy: Yeah. Relax. | OOOH! Ooh-ooh-ooh! Do you know what that cloud looks like? |
Sandy: What? | A flower. |
Sandy: They all look like flowers, SpongeBob. All the time. | They sure do. |
Sandy: You know, normally, I'd offer to race you to the top of coral cliffs. But I don't want to miss out on a second of this beautiful beauty. | Me either. Who wants to get all dirty anyway? |
Sandy: Yeah. And sweaty. Besides, I think we'd all know who'd get to the top first. | Yeah. |
SpongeBob and Sandy: Me. | That's funny, Sandy. That sounded like you said you could beat me at a climbing contest. |
Sandy: Course I can! I'm a squirrel. See? | I thought that meant you were nuts. |
Sandy: Nope, that means I'm a natural born climber. I'm from the surface world, and nothing prepares you for climbing than growing up on good ol' dry land. | Land-shmand, it's all about finger strength, baby. And if there's anything we've got plenty of down here, it's finger strength! What do you say to that, Miss Mittens? |
Sandy: I'd say I'm already halfway there! | Aaaaah! No fair, Sandy! You got a head start! |
Sandy: Sorry, SpongeBob, that's the way the coral crumbles! | Hey! You did that on purpose! |
Sandy: Yeah, but this is an accident! | Aaaaahhhhhhh!! |
Sandy: Too bad you forgot your umbrella! | ♪ I didn't! ♪ |
Sandy: Well, it's about time you showed up. | But you were... I saw you by the... I want a rematch! First one to the Krusty Krab is the winner! |
Sandy: Ain't no way a sea critter can run faster than a land critter. | I can underwater! I'm... Hydrodynamically designed! Think you can win a fair race in that clunky tin tube? |
Sandy: Why don't you ask my behind! That is, if you can catch it! What do you say to that, HydroPants? | I'd say I'm already halfway there!-halfway there! -halfway there!-halfway there! |
Sandy: Thanks for the face lift! You see? I told ya you didn't have a chan- | There you are! Ain't that just like a land creature to keep a sea creature waiting! |
Sandy: I thought y'all wanted a rematch. | I did! And I took a head start like you did! |
Sandy: Well, I was just funning with you that time! But I guess all y'all underwater don't have to play fair! | I guess we don't, air breather! |
Sandy: Water sucker! | Tree climber! |
Sandy: Gulf streamer! | Kite flier! |
Sandy: Chum chewer! | Take that back! You- not wet person! |
Sandy: Aha! You can't even come up with another name! That proves it! | Proves what? |
Sandy: That land critters are better than sea critters! Patrick: Better at what? Sandy Cheeks: Oh, dern near everything, I guess. Cattle roping and pie eating and wood chopping and flying! Squidward: What's she blabbering about? Patrick: She says land creatures are best. Sandy: Only 'cause it's true! We're best at horse riding and fur styling and rowing. Y'all got us licked in swimming, but we've got corn shucking and hay bailing and barn raising... and fishing! Sandy: And name calling, for sure! Squidward: And drowning, don't forget drowning! | Good one, Squidward! Woo! |
Squidward: Not on your life, sport. | I'll admit, you've got some pretty good moves. For a squirrel. But you're still just a land creature. |
Sandy: Squirrels can do anything they want to! Patrick: I bet they can't eat a Krabby Double Deluxe in one bite. Ah. Sandy: Give me that. They don't call me cheeks for nothin'. Patrick: Thank you, thank you. Sandy: Well, that's just one thing. Mr. Krabs: Can you do this? Everyone in my family can do that. Sandy: Uh...uh... Squidward: How about this? Huh? | Can you reproduce by budding? Can ya? Can ya? Huh? Can ya? |
Sandy: No! | Most importantly, can you do this!? |
Sandy: Well, what would I wanna do any of that dumb stuff for anyway? | Admit it, Sandy, you can't do anything us sea creatures can do. In fact, if it wasn't for that suit, you couldn't even live down here! |
Sandy: Well, you don't... I don't need to... Grr... I'll show ya all! I don't need this suit! And I don't need this helmet neither! Mr. Krabs: Neptune preserve her! Squidward: How long can she stay like that? | I don't know! |
Patrick: Sandy's a girl?! | Wow, Sandy. You sure proved us wrong. I guess land creatures are better. At least until they need to breathe... Yep, won't be long now. Feelin' light-headed yet? |
Sandy: Mm-mm. | Remember this? |
Mr. Krabs: It's free! Sandy: Stop laughing at me! Mr. Krabs: I knew it! There was no way some airhead was gonna win anything against a water breather! Patrick: Airhead... Huh? SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Sea creatures rule! Water! Water! Water! Sandy: All right, all right! You had your little laugh. But now it's my turn! Y'all think you're such hot stuff, don't ya?! Swimming around with your fancy gills and such. But none of you wetheads could last a minute on my turf. Dry land! Squidward: Do we have to wear pickle jars? Sandy: Nope, nothing but the clothes on your backs. | One minute? No problem, Landy! |
Sandy: Well? So are you going or not? SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Uh, well, uh, uh, um... | Actually, you know, but... |
Squidward: We can't, uh...because... Mr. Krabs: We're late for, um... Patrick: Our fitting! Sandy: Oh, you mean for your chicken costumes? Patrick: Hey! We are not chicken! Huh! My popcorn! | Yeah, we're not chicken, we'll do it. There. Mission accomplished. |
Sandy: Look. Unless you can stay above water for one measly minute, you forfeit the contest and prove that land creatures are better than sea creatures! | No way, San-day. We can take on your challenge! |
Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Yeah! | We're not afraid of your dumb old land! |
Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Yeah! | We're sea creatures! |
SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Yeah! | Okay... Well, this is it. |
Mr. Krabs: Wait, boy, ...make it last. | Thanks, Mr. Krabs. Okay. Here I go! Hey! This isn't so bad! We can do this. Hey, Patrick, come on up! The air is fine! |
Patrick: I'm gonna do it quick and get it over with. Cannonball! Hey, I lost my trunks! Hi, SpongeBob! | All right, Pat, you made it! |
SpongeBob and Patrick: Come on, Mr. Krabs! Up here! Mr. Krabs: All ashore that's going to shore, Mr. Squidward! Land-ho! | Lookin' good, Mr. Krabs! |
Patrick: Oh, yeah! Woohoo! | Come on, Squidward, you're missin' all the dry! Come on, Squidward! |
SpongeBob, Patrick and Mr. Krabs: Squid-ward! Squid-ward! Squid-ward! Squidward: Well, I'll do it. But I won't like it. SpongeBob, Patrick and Mr. Krabs: Squid-ward! Squid-ward! Squid-ward! Squid... Squidward: What? | Well, here we are! |
Squidward: This is pretty easy. Patrick: I may keep a second rock up here. Mr. Krabs: Once you get your land legs, it's not so bad! | We're the masters of land and sea! Hey! It's a local. Hi! We're from underwater. Do you know Sandy Cheeks? |
Sandy: 3. 2. 1. Well, tan my fur! They made it! Better go congratulate 'em. SpongeBob! Patrick? Hmm, where'd those critters get to? Holy guacamole! You can't eat my friends, you rats with wings! HI-YA! | Uh, thanks for saving us, Sandy. |
Sandy: You know, everyone's best at something. | But no one's best at everything. Sorry I made you take off your helmet, Sandy. |
Sandy: Sorry I made you go up on dry land, SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for feeling sorry for ourselves! Hip hip! All: Hooray! Mr. Krabs: Hip hip! All: Hooray! Mr. Krabs: Hip hip! Seagulls: Hooray. Mr. Krabs: Nope. Nothing. I can't smell a cent or a dollar. Or any money in a 5-mile radius. We might as well settle down early. Just as soon as that guy finishes his meal. Squidward: You mean the guy who's been nursing a single fry for the last hour? Mr. Krabs: When he goes, you can go. Squidward: Grr! Excuse me, sir. But you seem to be having trouble masticating. Here let me help you. What? No tip? Finally! Yes! Leaving early! I can't believe this is finally happening! Cause it's not. Mr. Krabs: Oh my! That's quite a storm! You know, a storm like this puts me in the mind of me old navy days. | Old navy days?! Ohh! |
Mr. Krabs: That gives me a fine idea, SpongeBob. Since it looks we're gonna be stuck here for a while, why don't you pull up a barrel, me laddies? While I retell you a thrillin' tale of me mysterious salty past. There, now. The lights are properly dimmed. Feast yourself on these slightly expired soda crackies as I explain ya the yarn that puts hair on your chest. Squidward: I don't want any hair on my chest. | Ooh, I do! |
Mr. Krabs: It was a day just like this one. The wind was howling! And me ship was being tossed about, like a rag doll on a trampoline! I was in the galley! Cooking up grub for me crew to keep their mind off this horrible squall! It was just then that he bursts into the galley! | Who he? |
Mr. Krabs: The man whose mission was to make my life a living nightmare! The roughest, toughest, scaliest old barnacle that ever roamed the briny deep! He was me commandin' officer and he loathe me with the white, hot hatred of a psychotic madman! They called him, Captain Scarfish! Captain Scarfish: Hello! | Ahh! |
Captain Scarfish: Stand at attention, Mr. Krabs! I want you to tell me the meaning of this! Mr. Krabs: Oh, that sir? Why sir, that's a sea-cucumber sandwich, sir, with the crusts cut off, sir. A little booshie-amusie for the boys, sir. Captain Scarfish: This is the navy, son! We don't cut the crusts off! We eat the crusts and throw the rest away! Mr. Krabs: But that's... That's madness! Captain Scarfish: I'm telling you for the last time! You're gonna have to stop making your food so delicious! Mr. Krabs: But I don't know how! Captain Scarfish: Well, you better figure it out! I need my men wide-eyed and hungry, Krabs! We've got a cargo-hold full of suntan lotion! And... Squidward: Wait, you were transporting suntan lotion? What SPF? Mr. Krabs: I don't see what's so amusing about that, Mr. Squidward. We were a cargo ship heading straight into pirate territory with a fresh supply of suntan lotion for shipwreck sailors whose skin was chafed. Chafed, Mr. Squidward! | Chafed! |
Captain Scarfish: Chafed! Mr. Krabs: Aye, sir! I understand, sir! Chafed! Captain Scarfish: So, tonight's meal is gonna be terrible! You understand, me?! Mr. Krabs: Aye, sir! Captain Scarfish: The worst you've ever made! Mr. Krabs: Aye-aye, sir! Captain Scarfish: The kind of slop that will put some steel in their spines! Mr. Krabs: Aye-aye, sir! Captain Scarfish: Either that or I'll throw you in the brig! Mr. Krabs: Yes, sir. Crew: Huzzah! Mr. Krabs: Oh, don't huzzah yet, boys. Lou: What's on the menu tonight, eh? Mr. Krabs: Slop. Lou: Oh, slop, eh? Good one! Why don't you put some of that delicious slop right here on my... Oh. I bet it's one of those things that looks bad, but it tastes really... Bad. Mr. Krabs: Oh, sorry boys. Captain's orders. Oh, I can't stand it! I don't care what the captain says! Crew: Huzzah! Huzzah for Mr. Krabs! Huzzah! Captain Scarfish: What's all this huzzahing about?! Mr. Krabs: Oh, nothing sir! Uh, they just really enjoy eating slop! Don't you, boys? Captain Scarfish: Attention! Looks like slop alright. But what's this? Mr. Krabs: Cherries jubilee. Crew: Cherries jubilee! Captain Scarfish: Cherries jubilee?! Mr. Krabs: Well, flaming cherries jubilee. Captain Scarfish: Flaming?! What are you trying to pull, you lubber? This looks like regular cherries jubilee! Mr. Krabs: Well, you see, sir, I was just gonna take this here match and... And so, I found meself in the brig with two guards watching me every move. The one was as brutal and ugly a bounder as you ever wish to see in your darkest nightmare! Octopus Sailor: Grr, what are you looking at? Mr. Krabs: But I thought I could dupe the other one sure than need a rise. | Gee, Mr. Krabs. That second guard sounds like a real goofball. |
Mr. Krabs: I managed to worm some useful information out of him right away. You see, he was an aspiring cook and I talked him into seeking some things down into the brig for me. The tombs of me trade you might say. I set him to work on a sponge-sugared cathedral that took up most of his attention. He never suspected that I was using the scraps to fashion a candy-key. Where's your sourpuss friend tonight? Ensign: Sick in bed like all the men. The captain's been feeding them nothing but moldy, old sandwich crusts. They've all got terrible bellyaches. But not me, though. I cook for myself. Mr. Krabs: Wise lad. And so, after a few hours of bouncing off the walls, the sugar finally wore off. And soon, he was napping like a baby. This was me chance to use me sweet key to freedom. But did I dare take it? I'd be in violation of the naval code. Then something happened that made me mind up for me. Pirates! We were under attack! I had to act fast! Wake up, lad! Wake up! Man your battle stations! I was on me own. I could see it all. A pirate ship! And on that island: a crew of five naval men! Our only hope, marooned on a beach by those same scurvy pirates! And suffered from the effects of chafe! Sunburn! The pirates had already launched a boat and were preparing to board our vessel! Pirate Captain: Row, you worthless dogs! Captain Scarfish: Stand down, Krabs! I'll have you on irons! Mr. Krabs: Listen to me, Captain! This is gonna get real ugly real fast! We've got to get to the cannons! Captain Scarfish: We're not outfitted for battle, Krabs! There's no ammunition! The cannons are ornamental at best! Ornamental at best! Mr. Krabs: Then listen carefully! We'll have to go down to the cargo-hold and poke holes in the barrels of suntan lotion and scuttle the ship! Captain Scarfish: What you're suggesting is mutiny! Ensign: Do as he says, captain! Mr. Krabs: What are you using for ammo there, Ensign? Ensign: Oh, I rolled up an old, moldy sandwich crust into a hard, little ball. Mr. Krabs: That's it! Come with me, lad! Direct hit! Mr. Krabs and Ensign: Huzzah! Pirate Captain: You'll pay for that! Get 'em boys! Ensign: Uh, what do I do? Mr. Krabs: Get down to the cargo-hold and check on the captain! Charge! Hup! Hey! Whoop! Whoa! Hi-yah! Woo! Close one! Ha-ha! Pirate Captain: Aww, he's kinda handsome for a crusty old cuss. Captain Scarfish: I can't do it. I'm weak. Ensign: Snap out of it, man! Eeww! Captain Scarfish: My personality! Ensign: Oh, uh, let me put that back. Naval Fish: Oh my! This feels wonderful! Yes, it feels great! Mr. Krabs: Hoo! Whoo! Ha-ha! Whoop! Missed me! Uh-oh! Uh, anyone for cherries jubilee? Pirate Captain: Finish him off! Naval Fish: Huzzah for Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs: Ha-ha! The sunburn brigade! Ha-ha! Me plan worked! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Pirate Captain: Handsome and clever, I see. Join me, Krabs! We'll rule the seven seas together! Mr. Krabs: I can't let you go, lass. That'll be violation of the naval code. Enjoy your last meal. I hope you like sponge-sugar! Pirate Captain: Huh? Oh! Squidward: What are we all winking about? | I don't know! |
Patchy: Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Hey, kiddies! It's your old pal, Patchy, floating somewhere over Bikini Bottom. I sailed down here to witness something that only happens every 100 years. Why, me and my trusted parrot, Potty, wouldn't miss it for the world, would we, Potty? Potty? Potty: Rah! I'm just here for the buffet. Patchy: Oh, Potty! Give me that! Potty, I told you to leave those fish alone! What do you think you are, a seahawk? Potty: I can't help if I was born a predator. Rah! Patchy: Oh, Potty. I guess you're right. Can you ever forgive me? Shake. Oh! Oh! Oh! Potty: Now I can. Rah! Patchy: Oh, get out of here! Yep! Whoosh! Oh, oh, yeah! I'm gonna save these mental pictures for me grandkids. Oh, that's better. Everyone: ♪Squirrelly birthday, dear Sandy, squirrelly birthday to you♪ Hooray! Sandy: Y'all are the best aquatic critter friends a lone star from out of town could ever have. Patrick: Cake time! Sandy: Wah! | Don't worry. I always carry a spare. |
Sandy: Oh, no you don't! Hoo-hah! Karate slice! Hi-yah! | Enjoy the cake, everybody. I made it special just for Sandy. Mm. |
Squidward: I'm allergic to nuts. Are there any nuts in that? | Nope, no nuts. |
Squidward: Oh, okay. | Oh, unless you count wall nuts. |
Squidward: What? | I'm pretty sure walnuts are a fruit though, huh? |
Mrs. Puff: Mmm! Mrs. Puff: Whoa—oh—oh—oh—oh! Larry: Huh? Whoa! Sandy: Whoa! Tex Ritter! You don't see that everyday. Huh? Everyone: Ooh! Pretty! Larry: Last time I saw a moon that big, it was in a locker room. | Since when is the moon so green? |
Patrick: Everyone knows the moon is made of cheese, SpongeBob. It's just been up there so long, it's getting moldy. Oh, but I'd still eat it. Sandy: That ain't the moon, guys. The real moon comes out at night, remember? Something's fishy going on here. Dad: Attagirl, Sissy! Daughter: I got it, Dad! Billy: Look out, Mom! Mable-Monica: Hey, kids, check out that cool, glowing rock in the sky. Sandy: You don't see that everyday. Did you see that, SpongeBob? Sponge...Bob? Frankie Billy: Huh? SpongeBob and Patrick: Green cheese! Green cheese! Green cheese! Sandy: SpongeBob? Patrick? Everyone listen to me! Get away from the light! The light is bad! Run for the shade! Mrs. Puff: So romantic. Mr. Krabs: Oh-ho! Mrs. Puff: Eugene-ikins, give me some sugar. Mr. Krabs: I'm always a sucker for a good smooch. Pearl: Yeah, walk outside and check out this awesome moon. Phone: Hello? Hello, Pearl? Sandy: No! Not me! Huh? I guess it only effects sea creatures, but I still don't get why that green moon is turning everyone into wild swimming fish? Am I the only one left? Squidward: Oh, whoever used that restroom last was an animal! Hey, put me down! Sandy! What are you doing? Ow! That hurts! What is the meaning of— Sandy: Get in the shade! Squidward: I demand an explanation! Sandy: I'm getting one right now, Squidward! French Narrator: Hello? French Narrator speaking. Sandy: Hey, Frenchy! It's me, Sandy! French Narrator: Ah, Sandy Cheeks. How is it hanging? Sandy: Oh, it's not hanging too good, Frenchy. You see, there's this— French Narrator: Don't say another word. I have been monitoring the behavior of the green moon all day. It is called Neptune's Moon. Every 100 years, it de-evolves everyone in Bikini Bottom into primal fish for two hours. Sandy: Two hours? French Narrator: Until it falls into another volcano and is extinguished. Sandy: I knewed it was nature, dagnabit! That's a relief. So I just have to keep Squidward in the shade for a couple of hours. Whew! Thanks, Frenchy. Squidward: I'm going home to hide under the covers! It's every cephalopod for himself! Sandy: Frenchy, I gotta call you back! Squidward, you have to stay in the shade! Squidward: Help! Sandy: Squidward! No! Sandy: O.M. Jehoshaphat! You don't see that everyday. My friends are gonna be lunch if I don't think fast! SpongeBob! Patrick! Mrs. Puff! Mr. Krabs! Larry! Yeeouch! Look out, Pearl! I'll save you! Yee-ha! Like busting a bronco! Yee-ha! Whoa—oh—oh—oh! Not the blowhole! Hey! Everybody! The light is bad! Stay away from the light! Highway Speed Officer: License and registration, please? Sandy: Hold your breath, creatures! Patchy: Uh-oh! A Whale! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Oh! Oh, Potty! We're taking on water! A little help here, please, Potty? Oh! Get out of here, you fiendish feather duster! Shoo! Shoo! I said, shoo! I'll do it meself. I don't need your help. I'm perfectly fine doing it by meself. Sandy: Here's where we get off! Thanks for the lift, Pearl! Don't you worry. Nobody's going to eat you guys on my watch. Ow! Dinner time! Come and get it! This is so fascinating, Frenchy. Tell me more about my fishy friends. Oh, wait. I'll put you on speaker phone. French Narrator: Ah, the lobster. The cockroach of the sea. Skittering across the ocean floor, the lobster sheds its skin once a week... And then eats it. Sandy: Now that's what I call recycling, huh, Frenchy? French Narrator: Ah, notice the scavenger crab eating garbage unaware he is being stalked by his natural predator, the puffer fish. Sandy: Oh, no, you don't. Mrs. Puff: Ow! Sandy: I knew I was gonna have to separate you two. You're welcome, Mr. Krabs. Ow! Yeowch! French Narrator: Ah, observe how the hungry sea star ejects his own stomach from his body in order to eat his meal, where the primitive sea sponge filters nutrients and oxygen from bacteria particles. Sandy: SpongeBob is never gonna believe this. French Narrator: Ah, the giant octopus. One of the largest predators on the ocean floor. Sandy: Texas toast! It's a good thing my treedome is made of ten tons of pressure proof glass, huh, Frenchy? French Narrator: Oui, Sandy, that is true, but, unfortunately, the poisonous and highly intelligent octopus can also cut through hard bedrock with its beak. Sandy: You don't see that everyday! Squidward, no! Sandy: Whoa! Oh! Hi-yah! Aah, hominy grits! French Narrator: Ah, the battle for the survival of the fittest rages on in the animal kingdom. Sandy: My friends! My tree! French Narrator: Sandy, you must remember, who is the natural enemy of the octopus? Sandy: That's a great idea. French Narrator: Using her versatile tail, the Texas Land squirrel calls out to the natural enemy of the octopus. Sandy: There she blows, y'all! French Narrator: The whale. Sandy: Sick 'em, Pearl! Sorry, Squidward! Sandy: Ooh! Ohh! Sandy: Oh! Two hours is up? Thank goodness. French Narrator: And so we bid a fond adieu to Neptune's Moon as it descends back into the Earth from whence it came. We will see it again in 100 years. Goal! Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff: Oops. Squidward: What is going on here? My clothes! Pearl: No! Sandy: Aah! | Um, Sandy, how come your treedome is broken and everyone's naked? |
Sandy: Well, SpongeBob, let's just say this has been the most interesting birthday I ever had. French Narrator: And, of course, Neptune's Moon is always followed by Neptune's Sun. SpongeBob and Patrick: You don't see that everyday. Jinx! Buy me a patty! French Narrator: Ah, Bikini Bottom. Teaming with life and naked mysteries. This next whale song is going out to my favorite squirrel. Sandy, happy birthday. Sandy: Yee haw! Whoo! Patchy: Ooh, Potty, I never thought it'd end up like this, brunch for a shark. Potty: I guess this is it. Good-bye, Patchy. Patchy: Good-bye, Potty. Patchy: Huh? French Narrator: Hello! Patchy: Frenchy, you surprising scallywag! Get—What are you doing here? French Narrator: Ah, Patchy the pirate, I just swam back to warn you about Neptune's Sun, but it's too late. Au revoir. Patchy: Bye. Neptune's Sun? What's happening?! Potty: Mm, yummy. | Good morning, Gary! Good morning, Mr. Mailman! |
Mailman: Morning, SpongeBob. Ah, it is a good morning, isn't it. Ah! | Isn't life great, Gary? Oh, what a beautiful day. I have the best friends... |
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