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How did the hamburger get the bun pregnant? | The condiment broke. | Continue a dad joke: |
My daughter found out I replaced her bed with a trampoline | She hit the roof! | Continue a dad joke: |
I wanted to call in sick at work today but my bank account said no | Apparently it's having withdrawal symptoms | Continue a dad joke: |
I couldn't get into the club without a necktie, so I wrapped some jumper cables around my neck. | They let me in but warned me not to start anything. | Continue a dad joke: |
"My dog's got no liver!" | "How does he synthesise polypeptides? Terrible!" | Continue a dad joke: |
I got so hammered on New Years Eve, I ended up dancing on the counter of a cheesy bar. | Or as most people call them, a delicatessen. | Continue a dad joke: |
I've finally got enough money to last me the rest of my life | provided I die on Thursday. | Continue a dad joke: |
Illiteracy is a tragedy affecting thousands | Write to this address for details... | Continue a dad joke: |
I remember last year | Like it was yesterday | Continue a dad joke: |
2022 new years honours list | A knighthood for the inventor of electrical safety systems. Kit Breaker. | Continue a dad joke: |
What is wrong with this sub!? | I think they left the ham off! | Continue a dad joke: |
I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad. This morning, my 4 year old daughter. | She had no idea what was going on but | Continue a dad joke: |
This sub might not be dead, but it is full of zombies | All I hear from it is groans! | Continue a dad joke: |
When a friend told me "I slept like a baby last night" | You did wake up crying every two Hours because you where lying in your own shit and also very hungry. I am sorry to hear that has happened to you but also too much information. | Continue a dad joke: |
After you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils because | ...they dilate! | Continue a dad joke: |
Do you girls want to watch cartoon? | Us: YEAH! Dad then turns on Nascar and the cars at at the starting line usually! | Continue a dad joke: |
A good guide I found to falling down the stairs | Step 1, Step 2, Step 4, Step 7, Step 10, Step 15 | Continue a dad joke: |
What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? | The taste. | Continue a dad joke: |
What happens when frogs park illegally | They get toad! | Continue a dad joke: |
Geez, I think I've been away from this sub for too long. | Haven't seen you all since last year. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the police forgive the hacker? | He made them WannaCry. | Continue a dad joke: |
Banana for scale | It was good trade. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why is it okay for an ice company to commit fraud | Their assets are already frozen. | Continue a dad joke: |
What's the best New Year's resolution? | 1080p or 4K | Continue a dad joke: |
What's a cow's favorite holiday | Moo Year's Day! | Continue a dad joke: |
I was going to buy a classical guitar today but realized | I'm baroque. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did my phone get swept away when it is charging? | There is a current | Continue a dad joke: |
A new neighbor moved in with 2 dogs named Timex and Rolex. | She said they are watch dogs. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a volcano with a broken foot? | Krakatoa | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do ghosts like elevator so much | They lift their spirits. | Continue a dad joke: |
This is a list of my 10 vices | 1. Laziness | Continue a dad joke: |
just gotta say it Man, it feels like yesterday wasstill 2021 | Ah, time flies when you're having fun! | Continue a dad joke: |
What is the difference between a bird and a fly? | A Bird can Fly, but a Fly cannot Bird. | Continue a dad joke: |
Yo mama so fat | she can hear fat people singing from three blocks away. | Continue a dad joke: |
I caught the common cold this week, outside playing Pokémon Go | Funny enough, my friend got a rare cold. He’s holographic now | Continue a dad joke: |
What’s the number one burger joint in Utah? | Five wives. | Continue a dad joke: |
I broke up with my girlfriend who was cross eyed. | I guess we didn’t see eye to eye | Continue a dad joke: |
Spider-Man drank too much and had to spend the night at the bar | He couldn’t find no way home. | Continue a dad joke: |
This is the one time of the year it’s ok to disappoint people | No one gets mad when you drop the ball. | Continue a dad joke: |
Betty White passed away last year. | It feels like it happened just yesterday. | Continue a dad joke: |
Don’t forget that this year is the Year of the Owl! | Because it’s twenty twenty-hoo! | Continue a dad joke: |
Tonight is my favorite night to be a dad | Because I get to say goodnight to my kids with "Alright, see you next year!" | Continue a dad joke: |
Whatever you do, don't start pooping tonight at 11:59. | The last thing we want is the same shit, different year! Happy new year Reddit dads. | Continue a dad joke: |
I had a gallon of milk but I could not drink it | It expired last year on December 31st. | Continue a dad joke: |
I'm so tired. I feel like I haven't slept all year. | That's because it's a leap year! | Continue a dad joke: |
It this sub dead? | There hasn't been a post all year! | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call an Asian guy with a camera? | Phil Ming | Continue a dad joke: |
Don’t forget when you’re writing the date tomorrow, the first set of numbers in the new year is twenty. | The second set isn’t twenty too, it’s twenty-two. | Continue a dad joke: |
I’m the headmaster at Richards school for boys | Guess you could say I’m the dickhead | Continue a dad joke: |
Man I love my recliner | We go way back. | Continue a dad joke: |
An old lady at the bank told me to check her balance | So I pushed her over | Continue a dad joke: |
When does a dad joke become funny? | When it’s apparent. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the zombie win the marathon | Because he was deadicated. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you secure a fish factory? | With lox. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the mumble rapper who got 10 years in jail | It was the first sentence he could actually finish | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the guy who just couldn't figure out how to start a sentence | Yeah. He had real first word problems. | Continue a dad joke: |
GPS could have been epic I think | Tag Team really missed out on a pivotal GPS tie-in. Instead of “You have reached your destination” we could have had “Whoomp. There it is!” | Continue a dad joke: |
If earth wears stockings | Thighland | Continue a dad joke: |
I question the state that I was in | confused | Continue a dad joke: |
What happened to the deer when it got older? | It became an eldeer | Continue a dad joke: |
Disappointed that 2022 is just 2020 too | I hope the next year will be 2020 free | Continue a dad joke: |
The creator of the Hokey Pokey just died. | Every time they put his left foot in the casket, he put his left foot out. | Continue a dad joke: |
Before you go to bed tonight | You can say see you next year | Continue a dad joke: |
I knew a watchmaker who was beheaded. | He was ahead of his time. | Continue a dad joke: |
My New Years resolution is to set more realistic expectations for myself | I’ve already failed | Continue a dad joke: |
I remember back in 2015 I was being interviewed for a job. | With perfect vision! | Continue a dad joke: |
Hindsight is 2020 | but now we get to look forward to 2020 too. | Continue a dad joke: |
My memory is sharper than ever! | I remember last year like it was yesterday... | Continue a dad joke: |
What type of a drug is catnip? | A narcatic. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do bees hum? | Because they don’t know the words. | Continue a dad joke: |
What did one snowman say to the other snow man | Do you smell carrot? | Continue a dad joke: |
My wife's vision is perfect. | Mine on the other hand was terrible last year... But now, its 20-20 too | Continue a dad joke: |
A blind man walks into a bar | And a table. And a door. And a staircase. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep? | A bah-humbug. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do bears have hairy coats? | Fur protection. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why don’t writers like typing the word sadness? | It’s two D pressing. | Continue a dad joke: |
What does Gwen Stacy have in common with everyone who turned to dust during Infinity War's ending? | Both went out with a snap | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the stamp say to the letter? | If you stick with me, you’ll go places. | Continue a dad joke: |
Before the clock strikes midnight on Dec 31st | That way you will start off the new year on the right foot | Continue a dad joke: |
Why was 50 cent hungry? | He couldn't afford the dollar menu | Continue a dad joke: |
I like my sex like I like my bananas | No strings attached. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why don't witches play cricket? | Because their Bats always fly away. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you find a dog lost in bel air | You look for fresh prints | Continue a dad joke: |
I've been reading so many horrible things about smoking and drinking recently, that I've made a firm new years resolution | NO MORE READING..!! | Continue a dad joke: |
I have a friend who was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but he turned himself around | That's what it's all about! | Continue a dad joke: |
What do they do to drivers who break the speed of light? | They send you to prism. | Continue a dad joke: |
Starting the new year positive! | I got my covid test yesterday | Continue a dad joke: |
I had a long lasting serious episode of feeling spinning and dizziness. I needed help, but I did not know | Vertigo | Continue a dad joke: |
I once knew an Indian who drank so much tea. | He fell asleep and died in his tea pee. | Continue a dad joke: |
I went out to an Indian restaurant last night. Had to call before hand to make sure I'd get a table. | Had to make an Indian reservation. | Continue a dad joke: |
I don't like carpenter bees. They creep me out, boring into my porch swing– I don't know what they're up to– I make a point to kill em whenever I can | I'm a wood bee assassin | Continue a dad joke: |
Polish jokes aren't offensive, they just aren't funny: | One bootblack said to the other, 'KIWI, what a joke...' | Continue a dad joke: |
Is this sub still active? | There hasn't been a post all year! | Continue a dad joke: |
How many letters are in alphabet? | There are 8 letters in alphabet | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the lava say when he was finally reunited with his old friend water? | I mist you. | Continue a dad joke: |
A joke from my 7 year old. | What plant makes calls? A call-iflower | Continue a dad joke: |
It's the only carpet designed for snow.... | Brrr-brrr | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the Spanish vampire with multiple personality disorder? | They’re called Nosotrosferatu. | Continue a dad joke: |
I just stepped on a Corn Flake | now I’m a cereal killer | Continue a dad joke: |
Time flys like an arrow | Fruit flies like bananas! | Continue a dad joke: |
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