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Is this sub still active? | It's been nearly a year since someone has reposted this tired old joke | Continue a dad joke: |
Why would you say “half dozen” when you can just say “six” | Because it dozen matter | Continue a dad joke: |
Justice is always cold | cause if it wasn't it would be justwater | Continue a dad joke: |
My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot. | But honestly... I'm not a fan. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why was six afraid of seven? | A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he has to wait in line again, and then he needs to get a haircut, and then he needs to pick up his date, and then he needs to get to the prom on time. | Continue a dad joke: |
How did the Vikings come to be called Norwegians? People ask me sometimes, they say | because they are wise to seek my counsel on this matter), "how is it that Norsemen came to be known as "Norwegians""? You see, back in days of Yore, when Norsemen first | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the man who got kicked out of the store for dipping his balls in the glitter | It was pretty nuts. | Continue a dad joke: |
What's a ghost's favorite Green Day song? | Ghoulevard of Broken Screams | Continue a dad joke: |
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is | having to spell it | Continue a dad joke: |
What religion are sheep? | Is Lamb | Continue a dad joke: |
WWE has a real obsession with 7 foot tall people | They really do like to make a big show of them. | Continue a dad joke: |
A joke/ Prank on my Dad | When my Dad visits we go out to a nice steakhouse at least once. My family pranked him when ordering. We all got the same steak, which is normal, but requested them well done, with ketchup on the side. His face as the waiter took | Continue a dad joke: |
Do you know why Dad jokes are so important for your children? | They make them fully groan. | Continue a dad joke: |
I was playing guitar and my dad asked me if i knew any Metallica songs | I told him I only knew One and Nothing Else Matters. | Continue a dad joke: |
I am worried about 2021 calendar. | Its days are numbered. | Continue a dad joke: |
Every time I ride my bicycle I crash | It’s a viscous cycle. | Continue a dad joke: |
I heard that John McEnroe had taken up astronomy now he's retired from tennis | ***Man, you can not be Sirius!*** | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do surgeons work so well together | Because they know how to co-operate | Continue a dad joke: |
What's a narcissist's favorite keyboard shortcut? | Ctrl U | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a drunk nail hammered | into a wall? | Continue a dad joke: |
Surely somebody’s told a joke about a computer turning into a dog! | Just a bit of Soft-were humor, I suppose | Continue a dad joke: |
Why was the wisk intimidated by the hard boiled egg | It can’t beat it | Continue a dad joke: |
What gets soaking wet, agitated and takes a spin to dry out? | Laundry | Continue a dad joke: |
My cowboy friend is sadly quitting the rodeo. | He explained, “Well, I was always coming in lasso I quit.” | Continue a dad joke: |
Sick Joke: Pigs jumping into Medical waste | How do they get their insurance to cover it? | Continue a dad joke: |
Fractions can be tough to work with. | There's a fine line between the numerator and the denominator | Continue a dad joke: |
What is the food that can do you a favor anytime? | Peanut Butler | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the Japanese restaurant that had to shut down due to COVID | Hopefully it’s only tempurarily closed. | Continue a dad joke: |
My son is starting young. | You know, you could use a car. | Continue a dad joke: |
We tried to invite Gandalf on our Road Trip | But he told us to fly, fools | Continue a dad joke: |
How did the Jewish man put out the candle? | Hebrew it… | Continue a dad joke: |
The CDC just cut the time needed to quarantine after a positive C19 contact into pieces | It was their last resort | Continue a dad joke: |
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, | not screaming in terror like his passengers. | Continue a dad joke: |
Do you listen to the Offspring? | You're Gonna go Far, Kid. | Continue a dad joke: |
Do you know why Mariah Carey was mad? | Because her boyfriend bought her land for Christmas. She even said "I don't want a lot for Christmas." | Continue a dad joke: |
Why is 2021 afraid of 2022? | Because 2022 ate 2024. | Continue a dad joke: |
Albert Einstein was a genius, but not too many people know about his brother, Frank. | He was a bit of a monster. | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad is the best | but today he told me to go outside and touch some grass. I told him he was the GOAT not me. | Continue a dad joke: |
The butcher dropped his sharpest knife into his lap. | He said, “Well, it won’t be long now.” | Continue a dad joke: |
What is COVID-19's favorite beverage? | Coff-ee. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do ants never go to church? | Because they’re in-sects. | Continue a dad joke: |
A time traveler walks into r/dadjokes and says | Time Traveler: "Is this sub still active, because there hasn't been a post all year!" | Continue a dad joke: |
Why can’t a bell pepper ever be an archer | Because it doesn’t habanero | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call it when a cow saves someone from an accident | A case of bovine intervention. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call someone who only eats Goldfish crackers? | A pesca-cheese-atarian | Continue a dad joke: |
Monday starts Diarrhea awareness week. | Runs until Friday. | Continue a dad joke: |
Kid: “Hey, Dad, what’s this bottle of wine doing in the fridge?” | Just chillin’ | Continue a dad joke: |
To whoever stole my sneakers while I was in the bouncy castle: | Grow the hell up! | Continue a dad joke: |
Why is 6 afraid of 7 | It's because 7 ate 9! | Continue a dad joke: |
To anyone that received a book from me for Christmas | They’re due back at the library now. | Continue a dad joke: |
Have you read the book about plumbing? | You know, the one by Lee King | Continue a dad joke: |
I’m heading out to buy a TV… | so that my New Years resolution is 4K UHD. | Continue a dad joke: |
What does a Mexican eat after 24 days? | Case o'dias | Continue a dad joke: |
Mods please read | About half of the jokes on this sub are NOT “dad jokes”. I know this has been brought up before, but it has been getting worse. Do any of you actually moderate and remove anything? | Continue a dad joke: |
If you think the year 2020 was bad, just wait till next year. | It will be 2020 too. | Continue a dad joke: |
NFL, MBA, NHL, MLS, MLB | What are the five letters you'll find on a sports team's jersey? | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear they found a mummy in Egypt that was covers in chocolate and hazelnuts? | They call it a Pharroh Rocher | Continue a dad joke: |
I was asking around for dating advice, the most common advice I got was that I need to be myself | To be fair though, I can’t be no one else | Continue a dad joke: |
I don't know how I'm going to tell mom that I need to replace the recliner she bought me | It's put me in a really uncomfortable position | Continue a dad joke: |
I saw a pair of midgets arguing in the kitchen | Two mini cooks spoil the broth. | Continue a dad joke: |
What's a werewolf's favorite sauce? | A ROUX! | Continue a dad joke: |
My seven-year-old in a giant banyan tree today (pic in comments): “Which ROOT should I take out?” | Ah, I think you should branch out and explore! | Continue a dad joke: |
Just finished a podiatry textbook | The footnotes... Totally amazing! The author nailed it. I’m head over heels about this book and that’s no small feet. | Continue a dad joke: |
What happens when lady vampires menstruate? | Blood in, blood out. | Continue a dad joke: |
Everyone always talks about at least breaking even... | But what about breaking odd? | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you know that only girl clothes go on hangers? | Boys clothes go on hang-hims. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why was Han Solo crying as he consumed his last meal, having been captured by the Imperial Army? | It was Chewy. | Continue a dad joke: |
My girlfriend tore the front off my favorite book | Not sure if I'll ever recover. | Continue a dad joke: |
It was bring your kid to work day so I took my 7 year old son to the office with me. | He started throwing a fit. I asked him what's wrong? He replied "dad where are all the clowns you said you worked with?" | Continue a dad joke: |
What’s the most popular seafood place on Tattooine? | Boba Gump Shrimp Company | Continue a dad joke: |
What happened to the grocery clerk that stole soup? | They got the can | Continue a dad joke: |
which country is near the USA? | Canada | Continue a dad joke: |
Why was the Frenchman coughing? | He had a real frog in his throat | Continue a dad joke: |
What happened to the blind circumciser? | He got the sack | Continue a dad joke: |
There's been a lot of things that I disagree with on this subreddit so I'm going to write it an open letter | Sorry, this is going to be a long post. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a person who refused Covid vaccination twice | Double non-vaxxed | Continue a dad joke: |
What are the 4 letters of SUCCESS? | S,U, C and E | Continue a dad joke: |
I've just put all my dogging equipment up for sale on eBay | Haven't had any bids so far but there are 12 people watching! | Continue a dad joke: |
What religion are ghosts? | Buddhists | Continue a dad joke: |
I'm planning on making the first religious figure that people are allergic to | I'll call him.... Peanut Buddha. | Continue a dad joke: |
Told my kids to always keep some pennies around | It’s just common cents | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you know that sandwiches are 50% sand? | The other 50% is witches. | Continue a dad joke: |
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. | But that’s just nuts. | Continue a dad joke: |
What does a Muslim boxer do? | Hijabs. | Continue a dad joke: |
Next year is going to be the same as last year | Because it will be 2020-too. | Continue a dad joke: |
My son got an infection so my sister gave him some drugs. | They were auntie biotics | Continue a dad joke: |
If people are non-binary | That means we are made of code. | Continue a dad joke: |
Kebabs make me sick | Whenever I eat them I always ways kofta lot after | Continue a dad joke: |
The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash | He said I was a sight for sore eyes. | Continue a dad joke: |
What an absolute unfortune? | When in a memory game the last two cards do not match | Continue a dad joke: |
My three year old dropped this one in the car the other day. | Goes to the dog-tor. | Continue a dad joke: |
What kind of bull has nothing better to do? | An availa-bull | Continue a dad joke: |
I was driving with my wife and reached an overpass, I pointed at the sign and asked her what 13 - 8 is | She said "13 feet 8 inches". I said "No, it's 5". | Continue a dad joke: |
I've just released my own fragrance | Nobody in the car seemed to like it | Continue a dad joke: |
Got my left arm and leg amputated. | It’s OK. I’m all right. | Continue a dad joke: |
So I hooked up with a girl at a party but I forgot that it was a family reunion | (SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING) | Continue a dad joke: |
I keep dreaming of turning into a wheel. | And honestly I'm TIRED of it. | Continue a dad joke: |
Most people pick their nose | But I was born with mine | Continue a dad joke: |
My friend tried to convince me that tunnels are superior to bridges | But I don't truss her. | Continue a dad joke: |
I guess I should have paid more attention to the enormous dude giving advice at the gym | If anything taking hemorrhoids have made my squats even worse. | Continue a dad joke: |
Subsets and Splits