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What did the wall say to the other wall | I’ll see you in the corner | Continue a dad joke: |
Someone tried throwing a saw at me once but luckily I dodged it. | I saw that coming. | Continue a dad joke: |
The urge to sing "the Lion sleeps tonight" is always | A whim away, A whim away, A whim away, oh no... | Continue a dad joke: |
Proud dad moment: | you mean her momelet is ready.... | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you make holy water? | Boil the hell out of it. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you make holy water? | Boil the hell out of it! | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the couple that attempted to invite another couple into their bedroom for lovemaking and hot chocolate? | It was a swing and a swiss miss | Continue a dad joke: |
Why does Willem Dafoe play Green Goblin? | Because he’s Willem De”foe”… | Continue a dad joke: |
I have an apple addiction | I find it really difficult to see a doctor. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a knighted cow? | Sirloin | Continue a dad joke: |
From now on, I will avoid food that gives me diarrhea | It's a solid plan. | Continue a dad joke: |
Yesterday, I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letter tiles on the road. | So what's the word on the street? | Continue a dad joke: |
I was checking in at an appointment today and told the receptionist I was there to see the doctor. | She replied, "Which doctor?" I said, "No, no. Just the regular one." | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a German entertainer? | A kraut-pleaser. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser | He got the sack | Continue a dad joke: |
Stopped to help a motorist who broke down in his expensive German car | Well, isn’t that a fine Audi-you-do! | Continue a dad joke: |
A friend of mine got trapped in an upholstery machine at work. | He's fully recovered now. | Continue a dad joke: |
What is Shakespeare's favorite food? | Homelet | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? | Supplies!! | Continue a dad joke: |
What does is taste like when you go down on someone at the nursing home? | Depends. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the musician with no arms | He has to play by ear | Continue a dad joke: |
Researchers recently aged inhabitants of a Peregrine colony and determined one of them was born around the turn of the century. | They are calling it the Millennium Falcon. | Continue a dad joke: |
Bugs Bunny won't accept any file transfers through Dropbox or Google Drive... | The only way to send him something is as a WhatsApp Doc. | Continue a dad joke: |
A gynecologist came home from work after a long day | I'm bushed. | Continue a dad joke: |
I showed up late to work and my boss asked why, I told him it was so slippery when I got halfway to work that every step I took, I slipped 2 steps backward. He asked, then how in the world did you get here? | I said I gave up and started walking home. | Continue a dad joke: |
At what point does a joke become a dad joke? | When it disappears and never returns home | Continue a dad joke: |
I didn’t want a brain transplant | But then I changed my mind | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the sperm cross the road | Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a baby zombie? | The crawling dead | Continue a dad joke: |
I saw two snow plows parked next to each other down the street while their drivers had a quick chat. | I told my wife they were having a plow-wow. | Continue a dad joke: |
My surgery department had a trauma en route. | Guy fell into an upholstery machine and cut his whole left side off. He’s all-right now though. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do cobblers know what's wrong with a shoe? | They stare into its sole. | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the ocean say to the beach? | Nothing, it just waved | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a cheap circumcision? | A rip off. Youch! | Continue a dad joke: |
My friend came up to me depressed and said, "I'm dying inside." | I said, "Go outside then." | Continue a dad joke: |
Why are frogs so happy? | Cuz they always eat what bugs them! | Continue a dad joke: |
Who are the most hectic people? | Campers. They're intentse | Continue a dad joke: |
Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. | You have my Word. | Continue a dad joke: |
A male bee dies after it has sex. | That's his whole life. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery | Because it didn't habanero. | Continue a dad joke: |
Time flies like an arrow | Fruit flies like a banana | Continue a dad joke: |
I hear Nike stores are very hookup friendly | Because you can "just *do it*" | Continue a dad joke: |
Why does it feel cooler in stadiums then in other places | Because the stands are filled with "fans". | Continue a dad joke: |
My son got angry when I told him | Sky is the limit for you. He wants to be an astronaut. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why were the sheep and cow sitting outside the party | Because they were in a Baa(d) Moo(d) | Continue a dad joke: |
Yesterday I read Karl Marx's biography | It's all written in lowercase | Continue a dad joke: |
I was planning to run for president | i’m just biden my time. | Continue a dad joke: |
A Time Traveller walks into a bar. | Sorry, bit of an inn joke. | Continue a dad joke: |
Last week I saw a one-handed man walking around a second-hand store. | I gently tapped him on the shoulder “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for sir” | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do cows have bells? | Because their horns don't work | Continue a dad joke: |
I'm really getting into kidnapping | Only time I can nap too. | Continue a dad joke: |
A dog walked into a bar and said | Who shot my pa?! | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you know a lee could become a parent? | Apparently. | Continue a dad joke: |
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. | Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years, but they're having a really hard time... putting their case together. | Continue a dad joke: |
I just ate a lot of scrabble pieces | My next trip to the toilet might spell disaster | Continue a dad joke: |
What religion are cows Mooslims | Muslims. | Continue a dad joke: |
What does a barrel of grape juice said to another barrel of grape juice | I’m fermented of your wining. | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the police man tell the chemist after investigating a murder with a pencil | thank you for the lead, Mr. Plumbum | Continue a dad joke: |
Asleep at the wheel | An artist walks into a bar and orders the darkest coffee available. "Did you hear that Bob fell asleep at the wheel again?" he asks the bartender. "Again? No! What happened?" the bartender asks. "There was clay EVERYWHERE," the artist | Continue a dad joke: |
What happens when glass gets in a bad mood? | It becomes tempered glass. | Continue a dad joke: |
"Oh I drink casually." | Who tf is drinking competitively? | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the first person to put leaves on water say? | Tealicious. | Continue a dad joke: |
Han Solo should have been played by a little person | Then he would have been so low. | Continue a dad joke: |
Me reversing my car | Ahhhhh this takes me back | Continue a dad joke: |
A good friend of mine was recently in a car accident and lost his lower body | he twice the man he is today. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the old envelope get upset with the young mail carrier? | For not addressing him properly. | Continue a dad joke: |
I heard there’s an educational song to teach children about the latest COVID variant | It's called Omicronald Had A Farm. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you hide your pancakes from your roommates? | Syruptitiously | Continue a dad joke: |
"Ernie, may I have some of your ice cream?" | "Sure, Bert." | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the policeman who caught a person who stole batteries and one who stole fireworks? | He charged one and let the other one off. | Continue a dad joke: |
A chess tournament was hosted in a large hotel. | The matches were civil and professional, but the payers would get noisy and brag loudly. It got so bad you could hear it all throughout the lobby Finally the manager shut the whole thing down | Continue a dad joke: |
Why don’t people get up before sunrise in Athens? | Because Dawn is tough on Greece | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do birds fly South for winter | Because it's too far to walk. | Continue a dad joke: |
Not mine Where do mathematicians go for new years eve | Times Square. | Continue a dad joke: |
What did one grape say to the other grape? | I’m sick of raisin kids. | Continue a dad joke: |
The three wise men were visiting Mary and Joseph in the manger. | Mary turns to Joseph and says, "Write that down. It's better than Kevin." | Continue a dad joke: |
If you think its crazy how fast time flies | You should see me running a fever. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a male bisexual demon? | An Incu-bi. | Continue a dad joke: |
Bigfoot is often confused with Sasquatch | Yeti never complains. | Continue a dad joke: |
What does a house wear? | Address. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you hold a party in space? | You planet. | Continue a dad joke: |
Ninjas wound up in my kitchen. | A blender and an air fryer. | Continue a dad joke: |
My new year’s resolution is to stop using spray-on deodorant! | Roll on 2022 | Continue a dad joke: |
Her- “Do you win many races?” | Him- “No, the cars are much faster.” | Continue a dad joke: |
Remember folks, if your sex dolls nose begins to run | She’s not sick, just full | Continue a dad joke: |
I told my boss I couldn't come in to work because I was sick. | How sick are you, he asked. Well, I'm in bed with my sister... | Continue a dad joke: |
Someone destroyed one of our food coloring tanks | They are looking a bit blue | Continue a dad joke: |
Me: Excuse me waiter, this coffee tastes like mud. | Yes sir, it's fresh ground. | Continue a dad joke: |
So I walked into my kitchen and my wife asks, “Did you fix the dishwasher yet?” | I replied, “No, I’m not a Gynecologist” | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a chicken lawyer? | Legal tender | Continue a dad joke: |
Told my wife I was taking her to a party. She wanted to know if she should dress up or dress down. | Dress up before the party, dress down after the party! | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad asked the guy at 7-Eleven if they sold horchata in a Big Gulp. | Of course the guy said they didn't, and my dad said "Well when you do make sure you call it the Gulp of Mexico." | Continue a dad joke: |
You know you’re American when you go to the bathroom & | do you know what you are while you're in there? You're a peeing.. | Continue a dad joke: |
Finally, a food that can boost your memory | Ram-en | Continue a dad joke: |
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days | I said it must be my weekend immune system | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the hippie drown? | He was too far out, man. | Continue a dad joke: |
A porn star decided to open a pizza restaurant | She called it pizza butt | Continue a dad joke: |
Only apple or Linux operating systems can be used in space. | It's not safe to open windows in space. | Continue a dad joke: |
I heard a story about two apprentice builders who fell for each other and ended up getting married | But some people don't believe in love at first site. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the coach smash the vending machine | Because he wanted his quarter back | Continue a dad joke: |
Subsets and Splits