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814 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Ay, damn it, were you tryin' to use this to- oh, see, you broke time, and you thought you could just stick it back together with this? How you think you gonna move time while you're standin in it you dumn ass three-dimensional monkey ass dummies? |
815 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | All Mortys | Oh way to go, Rick. |
816 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | All Summers | Yeah Grampa, way to go. |
817 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | All Ricks | Oh, what you're just gonna listen to this guy now? He's got a giant testicle for a head! He came here in a bubble. For all we know he could be the David Berkowitz of Nutsack Land. |
818 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Shut up. Here, put these on. They'll sync your possibilities up so I can bring you back to certain time. Y'all just-just negligent, now ay, ay, ay, the three of you, put your collars on! |
823 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Exactly, because you're being obstinate. |
828 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | Yes, we're back, problem solved. |
829 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Summer | Yes, we're back to our own time. |
830 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Morty | Yes no more cats, no more cats, oh you did it, you fixed it. |
831 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Yeah, now keep those collars on so you don't break your weak ass time again. |
832 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | How long exactly do we have to wear these things? They're really embarassing. |
833 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Well since you're goin' to time prison, I'd say you can keep em on forever. |
834 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Summer | Time prison? |
835 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Yeah, well I don't know where you expect me to think you got that crystal over there, but the only way you dumb ass, assin' ass asses could ever have one, is if it was stolen. |
836 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Summer | You stole a time freezing crystal from testical monsters? |
837 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | I would have been happy to pay for it, Summer, but they don't exactly sell them at Costco. Besides, there's a larger lesson to be learned here. Get him! |
838 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Ututututut! You'd better keep back! Man this will turn your ass into a third trimester fetus from 30 yards. |
839 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Vet | Hmm... |
840 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Beth | Isn't there a kitten somewhere that needs a manicure? |
842 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | Honey, it's gonna be okay. These men are from the Cervine Institute of Elk, Moose Deer and Stag. They can take this deer to a helicopter and fly it to the country's top deer surgeon on a wildlife reserve across the state border, where your jurisdiction ends. |
843 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Vet | I guess that's the end of that. |
845 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | We did it... |
846 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Uh-huh, no motha- no, Earth, dude, I'm talking 'bout, yeah, with the dinosaurs. No, if you've get to the dolphin people, you've gone too far. Alright man, I'll talk to you later, okay. You know what they do with 3rd dimensional life forms in time prison? Same thing they do in every other prison, only forever. |
847 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Morty | Why are you doing this? |
848 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | You think I wanna be an omniscient immortal being transcending time and space my whole life? I got ambitions man, bringin' you guys in is my ticket up. |
849 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | What if I told you there's a huge ticket up right behind you? |
850 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | You really think I'm that stupid? |
851 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | Alright, hear me out on this. You're immortal, right, which means your life is infinite. Well in that case there's 100% chance that you'll eventually do everything, including turning around to look behind you. |
852 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | I cannot argue that. |
853 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | Ah, God, gross and weird! |
854 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Chris! |
855 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | You killed my gun! |
856 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | Summer, Morty, take off your collars! |
857 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | What? What the hell are you doing? |
858 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | Good question. I suppose the answer is |
859 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Oh, no, what are you doin'? |
864 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Lis- ay, to, AH. But these arms are vestigial. Now you poked me where an eye would have been about six million years ago. |
872 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Ow, I'm defeated... |
878 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | Look, I know I was kind of a nuisance today. I know it's my fault we hit the deer, and I know you wanted to be the one to save it. |
879 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Beth | Whatever. How petty would I have to be to care less about an animal's life than my own ego? |
880 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | Hmm... you'd have to be pretty petty. But you'd still be the woman I married. |
881 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Beth | Where are we going? |
882 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | One last stop. |
883 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Beth | Where's the helicopter? |
884 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | There is no helicopter and there is no Cervine Institute. |
885 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Beth | But the top deer surgeon... |
886 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | I'm looking at her. Thanks for F.D.'ing me up like that. |
888 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Beth | I need five minutes. |
889 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Beth | Jerry, this was the most romantic weekend I've ever had. |
890 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | Thanks to Cold Stone Creamery. |
914 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Morty | Yes, oh, yes, yes! |
915 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Summer | Woohoo! Whoo! Whoo! |
916 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Morty | Oh, that was a close call. Oh yeah, do it Rick, do it right. |
917 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | You know what I'm talking about, oh yeah. I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty. Check me out I'm doing the cabbage patch dance. It's a classic dance, remember, like this. Oh shit look at that. |
918 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Morty | Do the cabbage patch. Do—do—do the dance. |
919 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Summer | Hey wait a second, how come you guys took longer to get here? |
920 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Morty | I don't know. I think like one sixty-fourth of my collars didn't work. It's hard to keep straight now that I have sixty-three other memories of everything. |
921 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | Yeah. |
922 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Morty | But I feel like one of the sixty-four Ricks like, sacrificed himself for me, maybe, I think. |
923 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | Shut up, Morty. The last time you felt something, we all almost died. You little s—piece of shit. |
924 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Beth | Hey guys, we're home.Morty & Summer |
925 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | Um, hold the phone, where did you guys get those necklaces from? Uh, Lady Gaga, table for three, am I right? |
926 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | Are you guys Power Rangers? But only on one small part of your necks? Hey, do those things need batteries? Were they included? Clean up in the fruit isle! Not in a homophobic way though, they're just fruity necklaces is all I was saying. |
927 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Beth | I'm gonna pee my pants. |
928 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Morty | Doesn't feel so good, does it? |
929 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Rick | No it doesn't. It hurts. |
930 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Beth | I'm gonna pee-hee-hee. |
931 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Jerry | Somebody call the planet of Tron, we have three Tron people over here. But seriously, are these Halloween costumes? Are you going as motorcycles? With green headlights instead of normal ones? Are you dogs? Robot dogs? Gosh, you guys are lame. Are those chokers from the 90's? What is this, a 90's nostalgia thing? Are you guys in that movie “The Craft” with Fairuza Balk? |
932 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Hey man, when the hell were you? |
934 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | I told you past the dinosaurs. |
936 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Come on, man, it's this way... |
938 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | There he is, there he is, there he is, there he is, stop, stop. |
940 | 2 | 1 | A Rickle in Time | Testicle Monster A | Yeah, that's him. Hey, man, remember me? I got something for your ass! You don't mess with time! You don't fuck with time, motherfucker! |
943 | 2 | 10 | The Wedding Squanchers | Jerry | The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk. |
944 | 2 | 10 | The Wedding Squanchers | Beth | Jerry, get a job. |
945 | 2 | 10 | The Wedding Squanchers | Rick | Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job. |
947 | 2 | 10 | The Wedding Squanchers | Summer | Gross, what is that thing? |
951 | 2 | 10 | The Wedding Squanchers | Rick | Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing? |
952 | 2 | 10 | The Wedding Squanchers | Rick | Beth, Squanchy culture is more... contextual than literal. You just say what's in your squanch and people understand. |
953 | 2 | 10 | The Wedding Squanchers | Beth | Oh, okay... I squanch my family. |
955 | 2 | 10 | The Wedding Squanchers | Beth | What? I do, I squanch my family. |
964 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Oh boy. Time to go, Morty. |
965 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Uhh, where? |
966 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | The Pentagon. I mean, not THE Pentagon. The lame one, here on Earth. |
967 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | Is it God? If it’s God, do we get out of school? |
968 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | It’s not God, Summer. |
969 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | She’s allowed to think it’s God if she wants, honey! |
970 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | Shut up, Jerry. |
971 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | Ok… |
972 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | Dad, what do you know about this? |
973 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Morty and I are going to look into it. You guys hold tight. |
974 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Mr. Goldenfold | Scary stuff, huh? Pretty freaky. Hi, I’m Morty’s math teacher. I’m also part of the street team inviting folks to the church downtown so we can pray together. |
975 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | How is praying going to help? |
976 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Mr. Goldenfold | Ma’am, a giant head in the sky is controlling the weather. Did you wanna play checkers? Let’s be rational! I’ll see you at God’s house! |
977 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Gentlemen, gentlemen, one at a time! Simon? |
979 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Nathan | Have you tried sending it launch codes? Mr. President, what America’s got is 70,000 megatons of KABOOM-BOOM! And I say we show it right up this floating head’s ass! |
981 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Stay back! This watch turns people into snakes! |
982 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery. |
983 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty. |
985 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Hey. |
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