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986 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. This head won’t go away until Earth shows them it’s got a hit song. |
989 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | No, Frasier. A live performance of a newly-written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms. |
990 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream? |
991 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51. |
992 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Nathan | How do you know about that? |
993 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | For God’s sake, Nathan, the man turns people into snakes. He can use Google Maps. |
995 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | What? How is that possible? Do people just die when I name them? |
997 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Dear God. |
999 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Good luck, Mr. President. |
1,001 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Sanchez! Are you a musician? |
1,002 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | I dabble, Mr. President. |
1,003 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Get this man and his grandson on a Blackhawk to Area 51. |
1,006 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Hi, Principal Vagina. The name’s real, possibly Scandinavian. I’m just gonna come out and make this pitch. The old gods are dead. Fuck all previous existing religions. All hail the one true god, the giant head in the sky. |
1,007 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Ah, di di di di. Bob, Bob, I get it. But unless this can beat that… what have you done for me lately? So if you wanna excuse me, I’m going out on the sidewalk and dropping to my knees and pledging my eternal soul to the thing that literally controls the fucking weather! Outta my way! |
1,009 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Mr. Goldenfold | Ohhhh, this is my favorite part! |
1,010 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Rick, are you really a musician? |
1,011 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Who’s NOT a musician, Morty? |
1,012 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Me! |
1,013 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Yeah, not with that attitude. |
1,015 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | B-b-but we don’t have a song! |
1,016 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Giant head in the sky, please forgive all that we’ve done. We’re sorry for increased levels of emissions and our racism. And of course, the amber alerts I keep ignoring on my phone. |
1,018 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | All right, Morty, let’s get ready to do it! Why don’t you, uh, find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat? |
1,019 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Rick, I think we need to cut our losses. We get our family and portal out of here! |
1,020 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Morty! Good music comes from people who are relaxed. Just hit a button, Morty! Gimme a beat! |
1,021 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Oh man, ok, all right, um… |
1,022 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty |
1,023 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Nathan | Get… schwifty? What the hell is that? |
1,024 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what. |
1,025 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I’m Mr. Bulldops |
1,026 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Nathan | Mr. Bulldops? |
1,027 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Don’t analyze it, Nathan. It’s working! |
1,028 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Take a shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here |
1,030 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | Listen! The storm is stopping! |
1,031 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Hey, take your pants off It’s schwifty time today |
1,033 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Please be kind to us for we are but tiny things with entire bodies stuck to your ground. |
1,035 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | Now hold on a second, let’s be rational about this. |
1,036 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | No, I’m… I’m just saying, we don’t know if there’s a cause-effect relationship -- |
1,037 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | Oh, God, what’s going on now? |
1,038 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | What the hell happened? |
1,040 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | I think planet Earth has just been transported. |
1,041 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | The head has left and sent its children! |
1,042 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | Holy CRAP! |
1,043 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | Oh dear giant head, we apologize for that discussion! It will never happen again! |
1,045 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Cromulon | WE ASKED THEM TO SHOW US WHAT THEY GOT. AND THEY DID. NOW WE’LL SEE WHICH OF THEM HAS GOT THE MOST. 24 HOURS, FIVE PLANETS, FIVE SONGS. BUT IN THE END, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE. PLANET MUSIC! All participation is involuntary. Disqualified and losing planets are disintegrated by plasma ray. |
1,046 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Uhh, it’s probably a bad time to mention it, but any astronauts you guys had in orbit are definitely dead. |
1,047 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Cromulon | Welcome back to Planet Music! First up, let’s hear the latest song from planet Parblesnops. The Greebybobes! SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. |
1,049 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Cromulon | DISQUALIFIED! |
1,050 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Cromulon | There’s one every season. Moving on to planet Arbolez Meterosos. Arbolian Meterososians. SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT. |
1,053 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Like we’re not already under enough pressure! |
1,055 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Geez, Morty. The guy’s just doing his job. Take it easy. |
1,056 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Rick, Ice-T, could you guys take it less easy?! We’ve got six hours to come up with a song! |
1,057 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Genius happens in the moment, Morty. |
1,058 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Well, can we at least go get our family? You know, so we can take them with-with-with us if we lose? |
1,059 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | That’s planning for failure, Morty. Even dumber than regular planning. Balls. |
1,060 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Morty, Morty, stop! Listen! There’s only so much charge left in this thing. If we portal home from here and back, we’re not gonna have enough charge left to get off-world. Get it? |
1,061 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | What?! |
1,062 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Yeah, you see, I try to shelter you from certain realities, Morty. Cause if I let you make me nervous, then we can’t get schwifty. |
1,063 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Stop saying it like it’s a thing! You made it up! |
1,064 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Hey, Morty! Could you lick my… |
1,065 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Rick, cut it out! That’s not funny, Rick! |
1,066 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Nathan | I’ve seen enough. These guys are one-hit wonders. |
1,067 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | And what’s your plan, General? |
1,068 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Nathan | We still have the nuclear option. On my word, we can launch a nuclear missile at every one of those heads in the sky. |
1,069 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Our planet’s held captive on a live game show and your solution is to shoot the audience? You can put your faith in nukes if we get through this, General. Until then, I’ll put mine in Rick and Morty. “Get Schwifty” was a jam. |
1,070 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Hello? Yes sir, yeah. Thank you sir, thank you. He says he’s proud of what we’re doing and hopes we have a great Ascension Festival! Happy Ascension! |
1,072 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | We should pack up and leave town now. |
1,073 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | I think it’s inspiring that our community is coping with fear in a way that involves a festival and homemade ice cream. If you’d stop being such an evangelical atheist, you might start enjoying yourself. |
1,074 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | Whoa! Look at you! You’re wearing the hat and everything! |
1,075 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | Here’s yours! Mom, do you mind if I cook dinner tonight? |
1,076 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | Yeah, sure. Wait, what?? |
1,077 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | I love you guys. You gave me life. And it’s the will of the many heads that all children honor their parents. |
1,078 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | Dinner sounds nice. |
1,080 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | Father, can we please go to the Ascension? |
1,081 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | Sure! Let’s go to the Ascension. Wh-wh-what is it? |
1,082 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | We hereby send these un-wantables skyward that they might be inhaled by the many heads, later to be sneezed back to us as better babies! Headward, free now to rise. Headward, free now to rise. Headward, free now to rise. |
1,083 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | Oh yes, yes! Rise to the giant head! You are free to be free! |
1,084 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | A squeegee comes up from the garage, right? And he’s got a lobster in one hand and movie tickets in the other. He’s like, “I’m ready!” |
1,085 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | Who would take a lobster to see Iron Man 3? |
1,086 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | Aw, damn. We’re out of original flavor Fig Newtons. I should get going anyway. |
1,087 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Wait, wait, wait! Come on, h-hold on a second! |
1,088 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | What?! |
1,089 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | Damn. You didn’t tell me you fuck around with portals and shit. |
1,090 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | That’s it! |
1,091 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Whoa, whoa! Morty! Give me that! |
1,092 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | You lied! You lied about the charge! You were just being lazy! Get back! Sit down! |
1,093 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Morty, just put it down. You don’t know what you’re doing. |
1,094 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | I’m going to go find Mom and Dad. |
1,095 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Nooooo! |
1,096 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Ahhhh, shit! |
1,097 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Ah, shit. |
1,098 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Ahhh, shit. |
1,099 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | And then Ethan played guitar and we learned the Seven Contemplations of the Head by singing them. It was really fun. Praise be the head! |
1,101 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | Yeah. |
1,102 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Hi folks, Head Priest Vagina. Thanks for farming all those potatoes. It’s 6 p.m., so if you’re a parent, you’re now entitled to adoration from your children. |
1,103 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | I’m going to start dinner! |
1,104 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | I don’t know what to say. Summer is doing really well here. |
1,105 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | She’s aced every test in potato class, and look how important potatoes have become. |
1,106 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | She’s not getting pregnant or doing drugs or missing curfew… |
1,108 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | That’s not our business as long as Summer is thriving! |
1,109 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | Taco time! I hope it pleases you as the head desires. |
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