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1,219 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | Magnesium-J, Hydrogen-F. Father. |
1,221 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | I have changed. I am ready to rejoin my brethren on Alphabetrium. |
1,230 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Don't worry about Jerry. He's gonna be fine.You hear me Jerry? You're gonna be fine! |
1,231 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Morty | Woahh! |
1,232 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | ooo... Watch out for that stuff. It'll stain if it gets on your clothes, and it'll send into a murderous rage if it gets in your eyes or mouth. |
1,233 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | Why would you keep mutant bacteria in a pint of Cherry Garcia? |
1,234 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically the second freezer drawer is mine. |
1,235 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | Not anymore. |
1,236 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | You're overreacting! |
1,238 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR. |
1,239 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Summer | Is he going to die? |
1,242 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest? |
1,243 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | Go in the waiting room, Dad. |
1,244 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Fine! Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for- Just kidding, I don't care. Well this won't do. |
1,246 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | A sequel. |
1,248 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Yeah me neither, we pretty much nailed it the first time. |
1,256 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Announcer | Eye-holes! Get them today! IKEA. |
1,257 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | You gotta be careful Morty, if that guy catches you with a box of his eye-holes he comes bursting in through a window and just starts kicking the shit outta you. But it's worth the risk, they melt in your mouth Morty! They're delicious. |
1,258 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | I can't believe you're explaining alien cereal, we're worried about Jerry. |
1,259 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Well you're thirty-nine years too late, or however old he is. Is he fifty? Oh man, Beth is, is Jerry fifity!? |
1,260 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Where am I? |
1,261 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | Relax Mr. Smith, you're in an alien hospital. I mean to you it's an alien hospital, to me you're just in a hospital. There's another matter we need to discuss with you. |
1,264 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | My goodness. |
1,266 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | I see-WAIT! What? |
1,267 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | It's perfect! The configuration of veins, the ratio of thickness to elasticity, the delicate asymmetry of what you call "your balls". With relatively few adjustments, your genitals can be molded into a working heart for the most important man in the universe! |
1,268 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Yeah, but, I mean- |
1,272 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Alright! That's enough. You're talking about my species! We understand genocide, we do it sometimes! |
1,275 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Yes I will! That's right, assholes, take my penis, TAKE IT ALL! And tell Shrimply Pimples that when the galaxy came calling Jerry Smith from Earth didn't flinch! |
1,276 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Hey, what's wrong Morty? Oh, you're worried about your dad, huh? |
1,277 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Morty | Huh? Uh, no no no, I'm-I'm just looking at that lady getting coffee. What's up with her face? Is she a human or is she like Worf. You know Worf, from Star Trek, where he has the shit all over his face but he's just a human in a costume, you know? |
1,278 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Morty let's-let's see what else is on. |
1,279 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Morty | Okay. |
1,283 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Morty | Whoa! Look! It's that lady with all that shit on her face like Worf from Star Trek! That was getting coffee! How did she get there! |
1,284 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Oh, man Morty. How DID she get there? |
1,286 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | Is that something we should be concerned about? |
1,287 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Just stay away from the coffee machine. |
1,289 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Announcer | In a world, where there are eight Jan-Michael Vincent's. |
1,291 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Announcer | And sixteen quadrants. There's only enough time for a Jan-Michael Vincent to make it to a quadrant. He can't be in two quadrants at once. |
1,292 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Morty | Rick, who-who is Jan-Michael Vincent? |
1,293 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Oh man, I'm trying to remember Morty. |
1,294 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Announcer | Jan-Michael Vincent's are used up. |
1,296 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Morty | Is it important that we know who Jan-Michael Vincent is in order to get this? |
1,297 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | Nope. |
1,299 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Announcer | This January, It's time to Mike down your Vincent's. Jan Quadrant Vincent 16. |
1,301 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | That's Jan-Michaels. |
1,302 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Morty | Excuse me, nurse, can you take my temperature? Because I think I have Jan Quadrant Vincent fever over here. |
1,303 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Rick | All right, Morty you've done it! |
1,304 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | So, we'll be detaching your sexual organ at the base by making incisions here,here, and here. |
1,305 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Got it. |
1,306 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | Leaving a partial length of severed urethra to be threaded through- |
1,307 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Oh, you know what, I gotta laugh at myself here! I'm having a little laugh at myself because I just realized I haven't run this whole decision past my wife. |
1,308 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | Oh, do you think she'll be okay with this? |
1,309 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Oh, absolutely. Beth is automatically on board, always, with every decision I make. |
1,328 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | Smith family? |
1,329 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | Yes? |
1,330 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | I wanted to let you all know that Jerry is doing just fine. |
1,332 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | But, ah, Mrs. Smith, could you come with me? |
1,333 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Hi, honey, so, here's the thing-these guys-they want to completely remove my penis and use it as an alien's heart, and we just need you to sign off on it. |
1,334 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | WHAT!?! |
1,335 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Uh-oh, maybe we have a problem here after all guys. Yikes. |
1,336 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | His penis will be replaced with a sophisticated prosthetic, now there's a wide range of options to chose from, they're all in this catalog. |
1,337 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | I don't care about prosthetics, this is insane! What do you people think you're doing? |
1,338 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | I understand your feelings, Mrs. Smith. |
1,339 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | Oh, I don't think you do. I bring my husband in for emergency medical treatment, he's gone an hour, and now you want his PENIS, and you hand me some... catalog. It's--It's--It's--It's, I mean. |
1,340 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Sheesh, well, there you go. Sorry. I know it's hard to understand but on Earth, love comes first. |
1,341 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | There are those that believe, Mr. Smith, that Shrimply Pibbles represents love between all life. That his fate will determine the fate of hundreds of billions of sentient life forms. |
1,342 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | Woah! Woah. So, billions of life forms? |
1,343 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Alien Doctor | Hundreds of billions. |
1,344 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | I mean, Jerry, y-you didn't explain the full gravity of the situation. |
1,345 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Uh, well, Beth, I don't think your decision should be based on politics. Who could argue with a wife's decision to keep her LOVER INTACT. |
1,346 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | Well I don't think that's fair at all, Jerry. At all. In fact, I think this whole paradigm has sexist overtones. |
1,347 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | Beth, can we talk about this privately? |
1,348 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | You know, I think, the bottom line is, Jerry, if you want to keep your penis, you should say, out loud, "I prefer to keep my penis." |
1,349 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Jerry | But, Beth, what kind of man would say something like that if the universe needed his penis!?! |
1,350 | 2 | 8 | Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate | Beth | Well, Jerry, what kind of wife would I be if I did anything to stand in your way? |
1,351 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Rick | Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison! Oh, scary place. |
1,352 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Morty | Wow, Rick! That's -- That's one -- one heck of a story. I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen. |
1,353 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Rick | Oh, come on. Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's? |
1,354 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Beth | Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are, but wouldn't you like to go home? |
1,355 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Rick | Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home. |
1,356 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Jerry | Yeah, but you just got out of prison. I mean, how much of a step up from that is -- |
1,357 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Rick | Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times. |
1,358 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Jerry | You got it. |
1,359 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Rick | Six folds, huh? W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000? You cheap insect fucks didn't think I was worth your best equipment? |
1,360 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Cornvelious Daniel | Man, I told the money bugs. I said, "You know who this guy is, right? You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer. |
1,361 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Rick | Well, you might as well order some pancakes, because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain. |
1,362 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Cornvelious Daniel | Oh, I think you do. Eventually, you're either gonna relax your cerebellum. |
1,363 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Rick | Shoney's. |
1,364 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Cornvelious Daniel | Or the Series 9000 is going to turn it into mush. |
1,365 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Rick | Relaxed enough? |
1,366 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Cornvelious Daniel | I admire you, Rick-- |
1,367 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Cornvelious Daniel | When I-- |
1,368 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Cornvelious Daniel | Rick, here's-- |
1,373 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Jerry | I tell ya, the Galactic Federation taking over Earth -- best thing that's ever happened to this family. I just got my sixth promotion this week, and I still don't know what I do. |
1,374 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Summer | Who cares how high they promote you? Everyone just gets paid in pills. |
1,375 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Jerry | Well, when you're not sure what you do for a living, you can make your own rules. |
1,376 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Beth | Summer, show your father some respect. He's pulling down a six-chewable figure income. |
1,378 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Morty | I kind of had big pills for lunch, and I wasn't gonna eat any more pills. Thank you, Conroy. |
1,379 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Jerry | You spoil us, Conroy. |
1,380 | 3 | 1 | The Rickshank Rickdemption | Summer | Grandpa Rick wouldn't put up with this! |
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