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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
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<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/cannabinoids/">JWH-018</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 6:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 carts.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">190 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
One rather ordinary night, around 11 or so, my best friend R called me up to say that some people he knew had some LSD for sale and asked if I was interested. Neither of us had been able to get it before and we both had always wanted to give it a try, so I eagerly agreed and headed over to his place. We met up at our mutual friend S's, and he and his girlfriend drove me and R to go pick up the goods.<br>
<br>
It was almost midnight when R and I each took our first hit, and about 30 minutes later we both dropped a second one. S and his girlfriend dropped us off at R's house, as I had never experienced LSD before and thought it prudent to just leave my car at S's for the night. The two of us just sat in the living room watching TV and waiting.<br>
<br>
Due to some recent trouble, R is subject to regular drug screening, and as a result is no longer able to use MJ, a drug that the both of us had been regular users of beforehand. Somewhere along the line, R made the discovery of JWH-018 in the form of K2 'incense' at the local head shop. The effect was close enough to MJ (and legal to boot!) that it wasn't long before we had both all but replaced THC with JWH-018 as our recreational drug of choice. After a bit of mulling about on the internet, we discovered that we could (rather easily) procure the pure, white, powdered form of JWH-018, dissolve it in alcohol, and apply it to our own smoking herbs (R and I are both quite fascinated with herbology, and thus keep and grow several species at any given time) at about 1/30th the cost of the ready-made commercial blend (and about 1/10th the cost of standard, mid-grade MJ).<br>
<br>
Sometimes when R and I are in the mood to get particularly high, we will take a small knifeful of powder and dump it straight onto a freshly-packed bowl of herbs. As we sat there at 1:30 AM, sober as judges, waiting for the fun to start, I told R to break out his bag of powder and pack one such bowl, to take our minds off the waiting.<br>
<br>
The effect of JWH-018 in small doses is, as far as R and I are concerned, nearly indistinguishable from the effect of high-grade MJ. In larger doses, especially when freebasing the powder, the effects get more unpredictable. Accelerated heartbeat, nausea, sweating, and anxiety were just a few that I noticed the first time I 'oversmoked.' However, as time went by and I became more familiar and comfortable with the effects, I found that after smoking high dosages I would experience a high much like the one I had experienced the first few times I had smoked MJ, i.e., the giggling, giddiness, elation, and overall 'geeking' that newbie smokers often describe. Basically, the stuff gets you higher than snakes on a plane.<br>
<br>
Within a minute of taking that first hit, I began to feel the familiar warming sensation of my cannabanoid receptors being agonized. Within five minutes we were both geeking our butts off. The transition from the cannabis-like high of JWH-018 to the psychedelic trip of LSD was a very smooth one. I can't even be sure exactly when one faded to the other, but at some point R and I got up and just started walking around the house, focusing intently on different objects, pictures, plants, and so forth, in an attempt to prompt the visual and perceptual distortions that LSD is said to bring.<br>
<br>
While intently studying a somewhat abstract oil painting of a wetland scene, I began to see the shapes of all sorts of animals coming and going amongst the splotches, much in the same way I used to find shapes in clouds as a kid. The effect was a great deal more subtle than I had anticipated, especially considering that I taken a double dose. Because of things I'd read and heard, I was half expecting to see Optimus Prime walk through the front door and start making out with my high-school biology teacher. What I experienced was much more reminiscent of the types of visuals I had seen as a young child, when my still underdeveloped mind would play tricks on me (and before my parents discovered that my eyes required rather strong corrective lenses). When I closed my eyes, colors would come and go somewhat like a kaleidoscope, but again, this was nothing unlike the sorts of things I saw as a kid whenever I closed my eyes to go to sleep at night, mayhaps only a bit more intense. There were a few times when I could swear I could see the brushstrokes of reality, and the space between the building blocks of existence, but these sensations were more metaphysical than optical, though they were accompanied with some blending and visual distortion.<br>
<br>
I would like to go on record as saying that as a visual/auditory hallucinogen, LSD pales in comparison to <i>Salvia divinorum</i>, Psilocybe mushrooms, Datura, nutmeg, and even over-the-counter Benadryl which is indeed a deliriant/hallucinogen that I would advise against using it, as I have been hospitalized and my best friend prior to R actually died due to overdose. The only concrete visual hallucination I experienced all night was the rather frequent occurrence of little red dots in my field of vision. But again, this was something I had seen many many times as a child, typically when I would focus intently on the night sky, and is even still a rather frequent hallucination in my adult life whenever I have been driving for too long, been awake well past my bedtime, or (most typically) both. I would also like to go on record as saying that as a psychoactive in general, LSD is probably the best I've ever had, including MDMA (and none of the crash/hangover either). The minor visual distortions coupled with the long-lasting and constant sense of euphoria and oneness with the universe makes for one hell of an overall trip.<br>
<br>
Several more bowls of snow-capped damiana and mugwort throughout the night did nothing to enhance the visuals, though the overall experience of being super-high and super-tripping was intensely stimulating and enjoyable. It was quite a marvel to me that I could be so 'messed up' and yet still be coherent, cognizant, and aware of my surroundings, fully capable of both rational, linear thought and abstract, imaginative dissociation.<br>
<br>
Somewhere between the haze and the clarity it occurred to me that I had read once upon a time that inhaling nitrous oxide while in the midst of a full-fledged acid trip is regarded by some as one of the most intense and euphoric drug experiences under the sun. And as luck would have it, I was in the middle of a full-fledged acid trip, and there was an open grocery store within 5 minutes walk. At that point my lackadaisical romp through the magical forest evolved into a divine quest for the 'holy grail' of psychoactive experiences. I wondered with anticipation what dimensions a hefty dose of JWH-018 would add to the equation.<br>
<br>
R was too lazy to take the trip with me, but fortunately enough his 1-year-old pit bull/lab mix puppy 'Rover' was more than up to the task. Puppies are a great thing to have with you on an acid trip, by the way. After one last snowy bowl of herbs with R, I set out with Rover on our brief journey to the supermarket just before sunup. When we arrived, I spent about 20 minutes trying to get Rover to stay put at the door. For 'some reason' it just hadn't occurred to me to bring a leash. After being followed through the door a half dozen times, I finally decided to just carry her with me, get 2 cans of whipped cream, and go. We got a few funny looks, but the employees were understanding, all things considered. I could not, however, shake the feeling that at least some of them knew something was up.<br>
<br>
Once Rover and I were safely outside, we headed around the building to go home the back way. Once we were safely behind the store, I popped open the first can, checked my 6 o'clock, and huffed a great big lungful. Within seconds, the whole world exploded in a web-like matrix of little red dots. The euphoria that ensued was the most intense I have ever felt. Feeling compelled to share my joyfulness, I turned the whipped cream can down and sprayed a hefty dollop onto the pavement for Rover, who proceeded to go nuts, lapping excitedly at the white fluff.<br>
<br>
At this point I found it utterly impossible to contain myself and burst into loud, guffawing laughter. 'THIS WAS SO WORTH THE TWO BUCKS, ROVER!' I howled at my canine companion, who just stood there, wagging and lapping. A minute later, when the rush had subsided, I finished off all but the last bit of the first can, and used the last bit of pressure to squirt out the sludgey cream at the bottom, first into my own mouth, and then on the pavement again for Rover. Again I burst into laughter, spewing white foam everywhere, which just made me laugh harder. 'I'M FOAMING AT THE MOUTH, ROVER!' I gushed. It was about that moment that I happened to look around and notice in the distance, on the opposite bank of a nearby drainage pond, a figure by the water, probably a local denizen out for a morning walk, just standing there, half-staring in my direction. 'OK, Rover, time to go,' I said abruptly and started walking as fast as I could back towards the house. Rover lapped up the last bit of whipped cream and followed close behind. I can only imagine what that person had to be thinking.<br>
<br>
Back at the house, R had already gone to sleep, so Rover, Rover's 3-month-old pup 'Fluffy' (puppies having puppies, what a world we live in), and I divvied up the remaining can of whipped cream and all plopped down on R-'s sofa. Despite having been awake now for just over 24 hours, I did not seem to be able to fall asleep. Aftershocks of the nitrous would occasionally run through my body, and I would giggle uncontrollably in a way that to me felt like my larynx was somehow leaking laughter whenever I exhaled. Ultimately, this subsided and I was able to finally drift off shortly before 9AM. I awoke about five hours later feeling rested with no trace of any sort of hangover, aside from the disappointment that it was all over.<br>
<br>
<span class="erowid-warning">[Erowid Note: Unconfirmed Death Report. This report of a death was submitted with no verifiable details, no contact information, and no way to confirm any element of it. Erowid is choosing to publish this report to invite public comment and to allow anyone who knows about this event to submit details which we can verify.
Neither this report nor any report of a death should be considered reliable -- nor much weight given to it -- without details that can be verified through hospitals, police reports, family members, or news reports. If you have information about this or other deaths directly resulting from the use of any psychoactive substance we cover, please contact sage at erowid.org.]</span> <!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 86991</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 26</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 31, 2012</td><td>Views: 6,753</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=86991&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=86991&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), JWH-018 (483), Nitrous Oxide (40) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.25 oz</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms - P. cubensis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.125 oz</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.125 oz</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">215 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This one day-long adventure of pure insanity was essentially my introduction into the world of psychedelics. I had tripped before off of low quality acid, low amounts of mushrooms, salvia (though strong, salvia really didn't strike me as pleasant or like it had much to offer), morning glory extract (also quite lacking something but with the bonus of nausea too!), DXM and other terrible OTCs such as dramamine. I had an extensive past with MDMA but I don't think this prepared me for anything except maybe the heavy body-load. But I had not even come close to pulling back the veil so to speak, and I was made well aware of that one fine day at a wonderful musical festival out in Amish country in upstate New York. This experience really taught me two important lessons: firstly, that psychedelics need to be respected or they will kick your ass and shatter your world views into smithereens. And secondly, that being an atheist is impossible if you take enough acid/mushrooms.
<br>
<br>
I had never been to any kind of outdoor music festival before and came from a pretty small town. The idea of being around a couple thousand like-minded people, and their drugs, seemed so amazing! A good friend of mine's dad had been going to this festival every year for a long time; it was basically a tradition in their family. It was a bluegrass festival out in Amish country and could not have been in a more perfect place. The stage area and vendors area was on a huge gently rolling grassy field. The camping places and trails in the woods section were the coolest place to be though. There were miles of complex trails all filled with the nicest hippies and most colorful campsites I have ever seen.
<br>
<br>
Well, when my friend asked me if I wanted to go and explained to me what it was about, I was instantly sold. I started saving up immediately and soon had a couple hundred dollars put aside for the event. Roughly 8 of my friends and one of their dads came along as well. He was really cool though and was okay with us tripping and such. I even actually remember him commenting on how good the mushrooms were this year and thinking I wish my dad would say that kind of shit!
<br>
<br>
So once we arrived, we all set up camp in various spots, but we had one main campsite we would all congregate at most of the time. We lined our campsite with hanging Grateful Dead tapestries and a few of the hammocks that were brought along. Having a hammock nearby was one of the most essential items there.
<br>
<br>
As soon as the last tent was up, the coolers of beer and Grey Goose were filled with ice, and we had a little to eat. We set off into the deep trails to seek out the psychedelics we were all so excited to have such easy access to for once in our lives. Walking down the paths, people crossing by whispered nuggets, doses, fungus and other wonderful options. The first substance I got my hands on was some decently potent <i>Psilocybe cubensis</i> mushroom chocolates. I bought three. Each chocolate contained an eighth and I quickly gobbled down two and proceeded to locate a weed man, get some dank, and roll a joint to smoke. Hanging out at the campsite, the aroma of campfires and clouds of dank weed filling the air was intoxicatingly wonderful. I wish I could make an air freshener with that smell so badly.
<br>
<br>
While we were getting the fire going and meeting our neighbors, I realized how open everyone was, it was awesome, very refreshing. People would stroll right through our campsite and offer to trade shit and sell shit. Sometimes people would just plop down and smoke with us; it was a very friendly environment. Well while we were chilling in around the fire, still only an hour into the festival, not even past 10 a.m., the first sight of acid came into view, and I was ecstatic. He had these rainbow-colored geltabs, so I bought three and quickly gobbled those down and couldn't wait for things to get interesting. At this point, I was starting to feel the shrooms very hard, but there was something about the festival's people and just overall atmosphere that made me feel so safe and happy all over. I was lucky to never feel any anxiety.
<br>
<br>
A friend and I roamed through the forest labyrinth for a couple hours. I felt like a machine, walking aimlessly and completely lost, path after path. I saw some things I can't explain. We weren't really seeking out anything in particular, but great acid is rare and was definitely on top of my radar. The acid I had taken before was synergising with the mushrooms well; my visuals were smooth and flowing. Stopping to piss and being in the portapotty was insanely intense, a claustrophobic person's nightmare. I watched and felt the walls close in until I couldn't see, and the toilet warped down into a single point, and expanded, and repeat. I am pretty sure I didn't even piss in the toilet, but at least I didn't get piss on myself. Once I was outside and walking again, the visuals were much easier to manage. I didn't feel out of control at this point. Somehow I was still holding it together, but that was soon about to change.
<br>
<br>
Somewhere in the deep woods, I met a man who looked more like Ozzy Osborne then the man himself, and appropriately, his nickname was Ozzy too. He was about to show me that there is clearly a difference between weak acid and strong acid, and earlier, it was a tad on the weaker side. I bought 3 blotters, blank manilla-colored hits. When he gave them to me, he uttered a word of caution and asked if I knew what I was doing, and to only take one, and told me they were very strong. I smirked and said I did and put them in my pocket for later that night. I was feeling like I had really found the best acid in the festival, reassured by the nature of the old wise hippie I had just met. So we decided to head back to the campsite and drink a beer and relax and enjoy the visuals complimented by hippie screams, bongo drums and an array of festival sounds that were as humorous as they were slightly unsettling at times.
<br>
<br>
While we were just hanging out we kept ourselves occupied with beer pong and a lot of weed smoking. It was a very relaxed place and I don't think I got paranoid the entire festival, even when I was losing my mind. I definitely had enough drugs in my system and probably should have just rode out what I was on, but stubbornly I decided to go a lot further. The night's doses seamlessly brought back my slowly dwindling effects from the morning's consumption. My next meal came free from a very generous scruffy-looking fellow whose book bag looked quite full. When he asked me if the tent I was next to was mine and asked if he could weigh out some mushrooms in it, I immediately lied and said it was mine knowing this would be very beneficial. He opened his book bag and revealed at least a half a pound of heavily blue-stained mushrooms and weighed out several smaller bags. When he was done, we smoked a bowl and before he left, he offered me a small handful which was roughly an eighth.
<br>
<br>
It was starting to get dark, maybe it was around 6 or 7 p.m., and I was in need of a head change. I decided it was a good time to eat my free eighth of dried mushrooms and decided to finish off my last chocolate as well. My friend had also eaten a chocolate or two and we decided once again now would be a good time to hit the trails and see how much crazier these people were when it got dark. I was not disappointed by the crazy level by any means.
<br>
<br>
The amount of amazing drum circles and glow stick-wielding, face-painted hippies I saw was overwhelming. We hopped from drum circle to drum circle, meeting the strangest people. The drums had a physical effect on my body; I felt almost orgasmic roaming through the morphing forest, every drum beat making me more delighted. It was at some point during this hour or so of roaming when I discovered the first MDMA I had come across. They were in the form of pressed tablets with towers or something engraved onto them. My proudest moment of the whole festival was convincing this dude that if he gave me an Ecstasy pill for free that when my friends saw how good I was feeling, they would come buy one. I don't think even one of them came back to the dude.
<br>
<br>
It was getting to a point where we were slightly lost in the paths and still coming up from the mushrooms and knew we should navigate back to the campsite while we still had some sanity left. When we were finally back, I decided to take that plunge with what I had left, and really enjoy the night. I casually put the 3 blotters of potent acid under my tongue for at least 20 minutes before swallowing. It was still early as far as festival time goes, maybe around 9-ish at this point. The quarter of shrooms I ate roughly half an hour earlier was coming up strong, and I knew the acid would soon begin to take hold of me and I knew I should get comfortable, so I climbed into an open hammock one of our friends had brought.
<br>
<br>
Within the next hour or so, I started drifting in and out of one of the most disconnected states I have ever been in. I was slipping in and out of consciousness. I had no recollection of who I was, where I was, why I was there, I couldn't conjure up a single memory from my entire life. I just laid there, and I existed as a piece of ground or a rock, I don't know how else to describe this really, total ego death I suppose, but it felt like real death by all practical definitions. It was a timeless place in that hammock. I could hear hundreds of conversations going on around me and I was somehow following all of them. I could see the trees above me reaching down and tickling my face and I felt totally at peace somehow, even without any sanity left in me. Everything was completely alive, almost dancing, everything was buzzing with energy. I felt totally integrated. I just felt like a part of everything, like a nerve in a cell or something.
<br>
<br>
This is the moment that shattered my atheistic views that I had held onto for years, but that took the whole next day to really figure out. I can't put words on the things I experienced in that hammock, but I really felt like I experienced the whole of existence. I knew that I was just a small piece of something much bigger, I knew I was only a single piece in the vastly complex universe. I writhed and died and was reborn the entire night. I must have blacked out from time to time because there are large chunks I can't remember at all. I remember seeing people walk by occasionally and luckily they were always in good spirits, I was going in and out and could barely even say hi. It was obvious to anyone the trip I was on was a strong one.
<br>
<br>
I died and was reborn in that hammock that night and may have never actually slept, but I remember waking up, well, sobering up, a little. The trails and morphing were gently present throughout the morning hours. I got up and decided to go out to the main stage area before anyone else got up. It was early, maybe around 6 a.m. or so. I took a shit, found a vendor selling locally grown amazing beef, got a huge burger with every topping they had, and came back to the campsite to have a beer and fill up my gurgling stomach. I was definitely out of it but still pretty capable of functioning and still had a ravishing appetite. As strong a trip as I had experienced, I was surprised how forgiving it was on my body.
<br>
<br>
I didn't take more than a hit of acid on each of the next two days, one each night, but after going through such a weird trip the night before, it all seemed very manageable in comparison. After day three, we all packed up and headed back home. I still feel a special connection to that place in upstate New York because it changed my life completely. That day, I realized that it doesn't matter what it is called, God or perhaps the collective consciousness, something big was responsible for all of this, and it was a part of me, and I a part of it, and everything, every single thing on this planet and dimension, was connected. Along with a spiritual enrichment, I also took back a new respect for the drugs called psychedelics. I realized that they were as far from a normal 'drug' as one could get, and could easily teach lessons, big lessons. I learned more about my spirituality and about the potential strength of the psychedelic experience than I had in my entire life of 18 years up until that point.
<br>
<br>
The amount of shit I consumed and the casualness on my part was very stupid and I am well aware of that, and though it was a hard lesson, I wouldn't trade that for the world. I am forever humbled and am so happy to have survived that night with my mind intact. Never underestimate the power of these substances. They have the power to put you in your place, shake up your whole world, shatter your philosophies. The first time can be quite traumatic. It was beautiful at moments but also terrifying during many throughout that timeless night. I learned more about myself and about the universe then a person ever needs to, and I still am struggling to figure out what happened there in upstate New York.
<br>
<br>
Ḱ∀ℛℭЇℵØḠ€ИℐÖṲŠ<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 94150</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 5, 2013</td><td>Views: 6,853</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=94150&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=94150&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), LSD (2), Mushrooms (39), Cannabis (1) : Festival / Lg. Crowd (24), Nature / Outdoors (23), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 7:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 capsl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">152 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
My friends and I set up a party at a rented house in the country, complete with lights, turntables, speaker stacks, and a visualizer. I began the night at around 10:00 p.m. with a half a hit of “Yoda” blotter I’d received on the playa at Burning Man 2007. This acid is very clean and despite its age and the environmental abuse it had taken on the journey home from Burning Man, it came on within a half an hour. I bumped it up with approximately two hits of plain white unscored blotter about an hour later, and was tripping fairly strongly by 1:00 a.m.
<br>
<br>
Time after this point becomes difficult to estimate, as the LSD takes a single minute and stretches it into hours. The visuals were fairly standard for the drug: a warping of perspective, trails, visual and audio echo distortions. I recently began a transition out of my present career path and I spent this portion of the experience mulling this over. It seemed ridiculous that I haven’t yet figured out how to make a living doing what I love and that I’ve instead spent years chasing money and trying to fit in the things that satisfy me around the edges of my career. The more I thought about this, the stupider it seemed.
<br>
<br>
My friend M is a great psychonaut and he began to trip me out by leading my mind in circles – talking to me as if he were me, which made me feel as if he were reading my mind. I’d lost the ability to speak coherently at that time, so I just stared at him and grinned, which tripped him out. During the night we took hits of nitrous oxide, which enhanced the LSD visuals. The wallpaper was breathing and with the aid of the gas any complex pattern would split out into a threefold symmetry of truncated triangles and Julia sets. It was so beautiful.
<br>
<br>
We were listening to electro house with a very sexual beat. I could feel A (who was deejaying) using his music to manipulate our hallucinations. The sex-vibe got stronger and stronger and eventually I decided to give in to it. My husband, T, was sleeping in a room down the hallway so I went to him and made love to him. I was not able to orgasm, as my body was too tired and the acid had me flipped way out past the point of the kind of intellectual disengagement I need in order to climax, but I was able to get him to come, which made me happy. Afterward I couldn’t sleep. The small noises of the house created images in my mind – stilted aliens stalking around in the darkness. I left my husband to sleep, got up, and took a shower. Then I rejoined my friends in the party room.
<br>
<br>
I took another two hits of the same plain white blotter that morning at around 5:00. Unfortunately as my body got more tired, my mind started to wind into a tighter and tighter loop. I became convinced that I was on the wrong track and that I’d somehow made a shameful mistake. Taking drugs was not the way forward. It was a juvenile thing to do, really. Life is about balance and responsibility and I had been neglecting that responsibility. Beauty doesn’t come soaked into a square of blotter; it’s something you work at on a daily basis, like building a muscle. I saw that I had been failing in my efforts to create beauty because I’d been failing in my responsibility to take care of my body and my life. Furthermore I was treading on someone else’s ground – some alien race that had been waiting for me to wake up from the trance that we call “human reality.” Some of my other friends took MDMA at around 5:30 and though I wanted to experience the “candy flip” I didn’t want to ingest it because it’s very hard on my body and I was halfway convinced that the alien race would be so disappointed in me.
<br>
<br>
By 6:00 a.m. I was sitting on the bed, holding this capsule of “molly” in my fingers, almost completely unable to make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to take it. M interpreted my brain for me – he really was reading my mind. “Do I want to eat this? What if this is all a big mistake?” Finally I just gave him a look and swallowed the capsule.
<br>
<br>
I followed this up with some more nitrous. Within a reasonable amount of time the MDMA began to relax me and let my mind flow more freely. The music that A was spinning was immensely powerful. I sat on the couch next to J, who is one of my best male friends. We had connected very strongly through a hallucination out at Burning Man one year, and I felt that lightning-bolt connection come back between us. I was astounded by the amount of love I felt for this guy. It was like white light. Love and respect. I just wanted to sit next to him and enjoy the fact that he was alive, because that was the best thing ever to happen.
<br>
<br>
I was caught up by the molly and loving the whole universe. I’ve hardly ever felt a candy-flip this intense. I felt drawn entirely out of this dimension and toward a completely different reality. As I was lying on the bed I could feel the grip of my mind wanting to let go, so I took another hit of nitrous oxide and off I went.
<br>
<br>
I’m a head and I know my way around inside a trip. There are levels within hallucination. Level zero is the mundane reality we inhabit on a daily basis – I call this the shared human dimension, even though it’s obvious to me that we’re all carrying around our own realities in our minds. We agree that “this is real” and nothing usually challenges that. Level one is a small dose of LSD or mushrooms – enough to tweak your experience a tiny bit – enough to challenge your perspective but not enough to throw you into a mental loop. Level two is where the looping starts. Your mind begins to follow patterns and if it gets trapped in an interaction you can start having a bad trip. McKenna insists that bad trips are due to doses that are “too small.” I’m beginning to agree with him. Level three is where you begin to realize that the tide is stronger than your grip and you let go of the instinct to try to control your experience. It’s where you start to find out who you really are. Level four is a place I’ve only been a few times, usually via DMT or some combination of LSD and sleep deprivation. It’s the “bubble dimension” where I’m in a kind of cosmic petri dish and all my friends turn into Higher Intelligences who are guiding me to Wake Up. This is literally my experience and it’s oddly consistent through different trips.
<br>
<br>
This time, I got through the bubble dimension and into level five. I can’t say that I’ve ever been there before and certainly not to this extent. Yet, while I was there, I recognized it as a place I’ve always existed and a place I’ve always gone to one extent or another when I get high, even if it’s only smoking a little weed. The shared human dimension seemed like the most petty of cardboard constructions. I was flowing through a labyrinth of multiple higher dimensions. There was nothing concrete, only intention and energy. I was visited by words from no proper language: “Hatherhew” was a word that described the place, or my experience of the place, or perhaps my leftover resistance to the complete ego dissolution that the Higher Beings were inviting me to experience. “Tench” (while I believe it’s the name of a kind of fish in English, actually) described the experience I had with J: a complete touch, a full holding and understanding of the joy that comes from encountering and engaging a being separate from yourself while maintaining that separation.
<br>
<br>
The ecstasy of this experience completely destroyed me. I was not human any more. I was not the person I’ve known since my brain contained enough cells to achieve self-awareness. I had lost hold of my identity. I’d never had an identity. All that was left was this: I AM FEMALE.
<br>
<br>
I don’t think I’ve ever fully understood how the foundations of my gender boiled down before. There in the labyrinth of dimensions I finally got it. It’s as simple as this: the female contains the potential to create new universes – new dimensions – because she can create new human life inside her. The male is the catalyst. My husband and I have had some medical issues that have stopped us from having kids yet and I’ve been highly ambivalent about getting pregnant in any case. But here, in the labyrinth, I understood that this really was my sole purpose: I contain universes and they want to come into being. Further to that, I understood (rather than intuited) my role as having the ultimate power to choose and the responsibility to be my own doorkeeper. Males seduce; females choose. It’s imperative that a male know how to create a seduction because a female’s first instinct is always to say no – and the more experienced she becomes, the firmer that “no.” A female can resist a seduction easily if it’s inept but a good seduction leads her into a quandary that can only be resolved adequately by having sex and making babies. Without the male, she would not feel that biological urge to reproduce so strongly and the species would falter. Seduction, thus, is poetry. Strip away everything we think we know about being human, and the only thing left that matters is sex.
<br>
<br>
At the turntables, A was still spinning beats that had sex woven all through them. He’s a legendary ladies’ man with a voracious sexual appetite and he knows the power his music has to grab a woman by the crotch. Between him at the decks and J on the couch, I felt the two of them near me in the labyrinth like the spinning twin centers of an animated Julia set. Inviting, inviting, inviting. I became suddenly aware that this was more than just the platonic love I’d been experiencing up until then – it was proper seduction.
<br>
<br>
I have never felt so thoroughly seduced in my life. In the shared human dimension I was limp and ragged and noncommunicative and probably pretty unattractive, but in the labyrinth I laughed easily and indicated no, no, nooooo...but that I was so flattered. The seduction ramped up to another level and I hit the nitrous again and again. I was grinding away my own defenses even as the internal inconsistency became a loop that wracked itself tighter and tighter. I was standing on a razor’s edge and this was the highest art, to just maintain it while pushing it as far as I could. Here in the labyrinth this was a very good seduction and I was in a quandary. The call to let go of my defenses became an imperative and I faltered in my self-confidence. What if they were right? What if all of this had been a preparation and that the next step – the one that I yearned for – into the eternal continuum of the labyrinth could only be facilitated by entirely releasing my separation throughout the levels? My god, was I supposed to have group sex with these men?
<br>
<br>
No and no and no and <i>no</i> because my body still existed and the rules that governed that dimension thus still applied and they trumped all. The separation held. I heard A take a shower in the bathroom next door. I felt his naked physical presence calling to me and I felt my own refusal to heed that call. I heard the guys talking about my state of vulnerability but it was joking: nobody would actually cross that line. This, I suppose, is trust. I thought later on that perhaps I’d been irresponsible or undisciplined to engage in the line of action that put me into that kind of public trance, though it was highly enjoyable at the time. Even after I resurrected myself and began to move my body around the shared human dimension again, I was still struck dumb by sex. It was as if I had the word “FUCK” printed across my eyes, so that everywhere I looked I saw it. It was my constant companion for the next 18 hours or so; everyone I looked at, male or female, was a potential partner. Sex dripped from the walls of the house. The smell of my own body seemed to radiate an invitation that my actions and words would not back up. The quandary persisted for at least 24 hours before my state of constant arousal began to wane.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 75715</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 6, 2013</td><td>Views: 9,251</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=75715&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=75715&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Sex Discussion (14), Pregnancy / Baby (33), Relationships (44), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
The experience I will relate took place in The Great Sand Dunes National Park of Southern Colorado. The setting of these Dunes was to me like no place on this Earth, I felt throughout as if I truly were a traveler on a foreign planet. The place was completely natural; massive dunes shaped only by the wind: the perfect setting for what I would experience.
<br>
<br>
My friends and I traveled to the Dunes specifically to camp for two nights and to have an LSD trip. The intention for this venture was to have a ‘spiritual experience’, not to use the LSD for recreation: to see crazy visions, or just get fucked up – but to truly use the drug to its potential as an entheogen. (I use this term now but at the time I was only aware that LSD and other ‘hallucinogens’ could be used for spiritual reasons, but not aware of to what extent they actually were. I have since realized that my experience fits right in with what others have experienced with God.) In the time leading up to the trip, my friends and I had been in a class at university on spirituality and nature. We no doubt had been in the spiritual mindset for some time – and with such growing interest that we planned this adventure. In taking the class and reading the various literature, I became intently aware of man’s connection to nature that seemed to be lost with almost everyone in the world. During the class we had visited some spiritual centers and had seen people who LIVED in that state of ultimate connection with nature, something I had never seen before or really even fathomed. It was in this spirit that we set out on the adventure.
<br>
<br>
For days before and right up to and through my entire experience I had been meditating on a passage from the Tao Te Ching that was shown to me earlier in the year – the only passage I knew from it as I had not read the Tao Te Ching. I will attempt to relay the passage:
<br>
<br>
----------
<br>
<br>
Those who know do not talk.
<br>
Those who talk do not know.
<br>
<br>
Keep your mouth closed.
<br>
Guard your senses.
<br>
Temper your sharpness.
<br>
Mask your brightness.
<br>
Simplify your problems.
<br>
Be at one with the dust of the earth.
<br>
This is primal union.
<br>
<br>
He who has achieved this state
<br>
Is unconcerned with friends and enemies,
<br>
With good and harm, with honor and disgrace.
<br>
This therefore is the highest state of man.
<br>
---------
<br>
<br>
And so to the experience itself. The first day we all took one tab, for some people it was their first experience with LSD. I had spent the previous summer experimenting and getting just glimpses of what I was to realize this time. The thing about the Dunes is solitude. Essentially a desert, we were cut of from any human connection (and really and animals at all). After spending some time letting the drug take effect, I attempted to do what I really wanted to do – to be alone in the desert. This initially proved unsuccessful as I could not really get far enough from my compatriots. As night fell, everyone returned to camp to eat. It was after this meal that I got my chance to be alone. I had seen the zenith earlier in the day – and could still see it as this whole experience takes place under a full moon. I decided to hike out to the zenith, the highest dune in the very center from which all other dunes seemed to be created. The hike proved longer and more difficult than I had expected, but I just kept repeating the passage over and over again – yearning to understand its meaning. Finally I reached the zenith and sat to meditate – totally alone, the most alone I have ever felt in my life. I instantly realized the joy of true solitude and its importance. I sat calmly there for I am not sure how long, just repeating the passage over out loud at first and then only in my mind. What I felt was my body ceasing to be my body, but simply an extension of the earth – of the sand, not different from the sand on which I sat. I felt that our bodies our mobile extensions of the earth – like moving trees. And because we move about we somehow feel ourselves to be something other than that which makes up all life – plants, even the sand. I felt that “If I am this earth, then why would I do anything to harm it?” Everything became so clear, so simple in that state. The trouble is translating that to everyday life.
<br>
<br>
At this point I was under full effect of the drug – and realized how much easier it was to meditate with LSD – and how much deeper I got. I felt as if I had experienced primal union. I was at one with the dust of the earth.
<br>
<br>
Now I decided to head back to my camp as my friends were possibly worried or at least wondering where I was. The walk back I spent reciting the passage out loud, while trying to maintain footing on the high dunes. I found that the best way to walk them was to stay on the straight line that was sometimes visible and sometimes not. Walking on the sides, which looked more inviting, proved to be much more difficult if not dangerous. The Middle Way. So simple. So so simple. When I finally reached my friends I felt some extreme separation from them, and I was struggling with the beginning of the passage:
<br>
<br>
Those who know do not talk.
<br>
Those who talk do not know.
<br>
<br>
How do I relate what I have experienced to them under these restrictions? All I could say was “Go to the zenith.” I yearned to tell them everything of my experience, and I am still caught as to what to do about telling people about the ‘joys’ of what I know now is ego-death. I have obviously decided to relate them – mainly because I feel it will lift some of that pressure.
<br>
<br>
I finished out the trip that day by sleeping outside under that full moon and stars with my friends, indeed an enjoyable experience.
<br>
<br>
The following day was to entail the same as the previous. The mood that morning was serious and pensive. When I awoke – apparently the last to awake – I saw silhouettes of my friends far away each on top of a separate dune in meditation. We were having the spiritual experience we perhaps naively set out to have.
<br>
<br>
We chose to take the doses a bit earlier in the day this time so that we might experience the beautiful sunset. A few friends – those whom the day before had been their first trip – chose not to partake this time. So this time I took 2 tabs to start – I would take another late in the day. After our dinner this time the weather began to shift and a violent windstorm came through the dunes. Our tent was situated in a saddle – and the wind ripped it right out of the ground and broke one pole. So now came the peril of trying to decide what to do with out busted equipment during this crazy storm – at this point the LSD was in noticeable effect and only served to make the stress of the situation more stressful. After much debate we decided to move further into the dunes rather than hike out to our cars. We eventually found a beautiful bowl sheltered from the wind where we made a makeshift camp. After that was settled – I was itching to get back to the zenith and experience primal union again. I would not be denied – I had to get there no matter what.
<br>
<br>
This time three friends wished to join me, and I kindly obliged. We set out for the zenith through the powerful winds whipping sand into our eyes. At some point along the way we stopped to stand on the edge of a dune and lean into the wind, suspended in air as if lying down, held up by what one friend called “the power of God”. And it truly was. I have never experienced a force of nature so powerful – the very same force that shaped those very dunes from infinite particles of sand. We pressed on toward the zenith, and one friend decided to turn back. The three of us pressed on , and when we were in sight of the zenith – along the very top spine of the dunes with no protection from the wind – the other two decided to turn back as well. They wished me luck, and I asked them to shine a light later so that I might find my way back to camp. And so I walked along the Middle Way of the dunes toward my goal. I reached it, but under much different conditions this time. I got to the top and took another dose first thing.
<br>
<br>
When I sat to meditate, the violent wind was stinging my face, but I tried to continue regardless. After much struggle to attain this primal union again against the wind, I slid down the west side of the dunes in chase of my hat which the wind had blown off my head. I was incredibly surprised to find there to be no wind here. The dune itself shielded it. And so there I sat with the San Luis Valley before me. I sat for a long while while the third tab took its effect – and after struggling mentally to achieve the peace I had realized the night before, I decided I had better try to get back to camp somehow. I decided to take a wandering way back, not in any rush, I wanted to explore the dunes in all their mystery. In my excitement for my newly found quest – I ran down into a very deep bowl similar to the one where we had relocated our camp. Only once I was down there did I realize what I had done. I tried to find the wall with least slope for which to climb out of, and tried one unsuccessfully, realizing how deep I was and how steep the slope was.
<br>
<br>
I finally chose one I slowly made my way to the top, on my hands and knees, pulling myself up by digging my bare hands into cold wet sand. I felt myself reverted to basic instinct – I had to get out of that hole and this was the only way. My fingers found strength they never had, and eventually I made it out. But in the process I died – that is to say my ego died. And I was no longer in control of my own fate as I thought I had been my whole life. If I was to survive the rest of the night it was because God wanted me to, I was at his mercy. This feeling only intensified throughout my wanderings that night – during which I was truly lost in those dunes and thought that I might never make it out. I buried the remaining LSD once I realized that I did not now how to get back to camp. I wandered for hours, but somehow I knew that I would make it if I only kept going, if I submitted to God’s will over my own. When I came to this realization that I was nothing, I sat down and just gaped at the feeling. “This is what it is to die” I thought, “And its not so bad.” But then I thought about living and how that feels and then realized how precious life is – that we can feel and be hurt and be loved and everything. Nothing is nothing, and that’s fine. But while we are on earth we get to LIVE. Living, feeling, something I will never take for granted again. About this time I came upon the only animal I saw the whole time – a rabbit or something which fled quickly when I saw it. Life. What was that rabbit doing out in the dunes? It was living – doing what it needed to do, not questioning its purpose. It was alive, and that is enough. Shortly thereafter I saw the holy beacon – the light from my camp my friends had set to guide me home. I was now very far away from that light – but now I knew the direction and eventually made it there. The journey from that point was an exhausting one. I ran out of water and had to make frequent stops. I felt the wind giving me breath – God giving me life. And just enough to make it camp. I got there, barely able to stand, turned off the light and crawled into my sleeping bag. One of my friends lying next to me said:
<br>
<br>
“Are you back?”
<br>
<br>
“Yea, what time is it?”
<br>
<br>
“About 4 am, goodnight.”
<br>
<br>
“Goodnight.”
<br>
<br>
And I slept so soundly that night I cannot even describe it. I had experienced ‘primal union’ in two different ways over those two days. The first was because I sought to, and did so in a controlled way, and it was enjoyable. The second night I got greedy, in my ambitions to reach that point again as well as with how much LSD I consumed. That time my ego was killed (crushed) and I was forced to survive without it. I know now what is important (GOD) and what is not (ME). I got the spiritual experience that I sought, and I am grateful for it even if it almost killed me.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68179</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 16, 2013</td><td>Views: 6,290</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68179&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68179&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1), Meditation (128) : General (1), Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Mystical Experiences (9), Nature / Outdoors (23), Multi-Day Experience (13), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">buccal</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">165 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
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<!-- Start Body -->
I consider myself fairly experienced with psychedelics and for the most part prefer solo trips. Up to this point I’ve taken mushrooms, 2cb, 2cc nbome, 2ci nbome, 4-aco-dmt, dmt, cannabis, salvia, and lsd, my favorites being 4-aco-dmt and lsd as both have propelled me into an intensively transformative and useful headspace. My inspiration stems mainly from Terence Mckenna, Rupert Sheldrake, Ram Dass, Alan Watts, Timothy Leary, Amit Goswami and a number of interesting individuals in my personal life. Most of my trips are accompanied by music and are prepared for with study, meditation and an empty stomach.
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<br>
Setting: The previous weekend had been a fairly traumatic one yet it seems the positivity that I’d been able to muster throughout seemed to open up an awareness that I was eager to test.
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<br>
To ensure I have enough material to ponder during my trip, I fill my chalkboard with some ideas I’m currently mulling over, including interaction through quantum entanglement, rebirth, multiple realities, the lapis philosophorum, fractal leveling, and what cause our act of perceiving might have on holding our reality in place. I've found that my mind tends towards trips without a valuable lesson for my sober self, ie: pondering the psychedelic soup, dancing and singing to music, so I hope using this as a baseboard will catalyze a creative breakthrough that will have some sort of lasting importance in my life.
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<br>
Next I pick out the music I will play during the trip and set it up on the laptop which I hook into the sound system I have stationed at the front of the living room. Lastly, I prepare some food to eat later on: a stalk of celery with peanut butter and one without, a stack of crackers, two with peanut butter, a bag of unsalted almonds, an apple, a yogurt cup, and some grapes. I’m finally ready to begin.
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<br>
3:45PM: I place the two blotter tabs on my upper gums in the same way that one might take 2cc nbome. I believe this makes the drug reach the blood and therein the brain more quickly. The blotter tabs were advertised as 200ug each, though I had not tested this to verify. I’ve taken these before though and it seems an accurate estimate. <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span>
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<br>
I clean up my room during the initial come-up and afterwards rest in the living room, listening to relaxing chakra meditational music and thinking about how quantum entanglement might be observable in psychedelic space. A thought comes to mind from a lecture I had a few days ago, where the teacher was talking about full duplex communication in networking, and I relate the two concepts, where only an entangled mind could both speak and listen at the same time, and that such a mind is one that I need to work more on.
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<br>
4:40: My awareness has noticeably expanded, it seems in the same way that I feel my glasses press down on my nose, the glassy black entertainment center which stands in the front of my living room too presses against the floor, both of which I can feel as extensions of my physical body. When I close my eyes and reach out I can feel the life force in the trees which surround my house and I catch a memory of a past 2cc trip where I had done this same thing. I write in my journal that the music I’m listening to “reflects my soul from every physical point it touches.” I become aware of the energy my heart is generating, my stomach’s energy, my feet and legs feel full of energy, and a sexual energy is also vibrantly making itself known. These could be experienced as a body load and uncomfortable, but I figured “it is what it is” and was able to read it without getting caught up in it. I walk into my room which has incense burning and I become elated with how good it smells. I exclaim that it must be the best smell I have ever smelled in the history of my lifetime. Its wondrous influence makes me extremely happy.
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<br>
4:45: I attempt to introduce a playful variable: a glow in the dark ball which I had used on my past trips. I throw it around, juggle it, squeeze it, drop it and hurriedly pick it back up, and have a thought, which prompts me to leave my toy. Psychics are people aware of the wave-mechanically transmitted data that the firing of neurological pathways produce. I am also caught up in a darker thought of contemplating the nature of a delusion. How can someone be deluded if it exists outright for them? Is it possible consensus reality is a collective delusion? These thoughts unsettle me, perhaps luckily, the trip ends this transmission and my body begins vibrating more furiously.
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<br>
5:04: I write “It’s becoming hard to do anything physically, clammy hands, legs, etc.” The energy is becoming overwhelming, though the energy is not emotionally connected to anything, so it is somewhat enjoyable. The dominant thing here is the physical sensation. I change the music to a youtube video called Zen: Music for Balance and Relaxation (Full Album.) The music has a consistently critical yet soothing undertone. It seems to provoke my mind just enough to constantly explore, peace appears to be earned in this music through acknowledgment of pervasive suffering and simple solutions.
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<br>
5:15: The physical sensation begins to take a negative turn and I write “Blissful awareness is turning into fitful imagination.” Nothing too vivid is happening here, but I begin to see images seep from my subconscious as what I would now call a body load reaches its height. This is the transition it seems where the imagination takes an active role in perceiving reality, it felt like crossing a liquid radio channel.
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<br>
5:17: Two minutes later I find that the music and my thoughts are being evoked almost visually, I say almost because it seemed archetypal, like the vector equation was there, but it hadn’t been processed into explicit imagery yet. I write “Music is beautifully complementing my thoughts like a fractal realization growing more pervasive in the membrane of imagination.” It would seem the body load has lessened and the trip is again quite enjoyable.
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<br>
5:22: I write “RAM DASSY pov.” I recognize the music as being very Alan Watts like (Zen-like) and the awareness I felt as being very Ram Dass like (God-like). I feel an intense connection with everything around me. The simple awareness that I had experienced before has evolved into waves of information coming from both my surroundings and non-locally from inside my mind. An LSD-awareness begins to emerge. I feel I am beginning to recognize patterns that I simply did not have the ability to otherwise. Note that the body load has been recognized somehow to be information and is now much less a factor.
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<br>
5:53: I spend ~30 minutes getting accustomed to the newfound headspace and it seems I’ve reached a peak. The information data stream is taking many different forms, I see flowing rivers of geometry, shifting into a stream of 0/1 bits, and back again when I close my eyes. The data stream grows stronger and stronger and I decide to change up the music. I find Kundalini-First Chakra on youtube. The music progresses and me with it until it reaches climax.
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<br>
“Now focus on your pineal gland. Lounnnnngggggg. Lounnnngggggg. Lounnnnggggg”
<br>
*thunder sounds*
<br>
“Kundalini Huh du Heinem”
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<br>
I realize that this is the moment when my being will be utterly exposed to the incoming energy that I now feel coursing around me. My abdomen seems to open up and my body integrates into the data stream and I feel the core of my being open up. I feel that there is no hiding any more, I must let go of what is restricting my integration and understanding. I let go, but it seems there was not enough energy to complete it, I feel I may have missed my chance to open up whole-heartily, though I still feel refreshed, enlightened, and awakened. I write “First peak passed felt outside merging with inside.”
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<br>
Beyond this I have no more time stamps and for the next couple of hours time itself becomes a “slippery concept” and description becomes more difficult. I write “My being is seeking integration into the family soul collective, and I may be realizing its existence for the first time.” I have before experienced what I consider to be my family’s subconscious “valley” on a fairly large 4-aco-dmt dose, and it seems that now I’m being confronted with the possibility of revisiting this place.
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<br>
It would seem in retrospect that my integration into the collective was characterized by the metaphor of a microscope which moved from a wide view to a refined, smaller view. I begin to feel what seems to be a peripheral schema which I have developed from. Surrounding all sides of the fractal which I now associate to my conscious thoughts, I become aware that I have grown from a huge history of both conscious subconscious habit, I feel past lives and beings feeding perfectly into the being that I am, past times and future times all seem tangible and able to be manipulated from where I now stand.
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<br>
A thought arrives. I decide now is a good time to eat the snacks I have prepared. I take the sweet tea out of the fridge and take a sip. It is wonderfully sweet and affects my entire being. I now feel the collective consciousness that I am now a part of all reacting to this sweet tea and it evokes responses which identify the different entities that I am a part of. I also identify a metallic taste and can’t tell what it might be from. I wander around the house feeling different entities slip in out of my being which at this point feels more like a server rack than a self-contained unit. I make my way back to the fridge and pull out the rest of the goodies. A stalk of celery with peanut butter and one without, a stack of crackers, two with peanut butter, a bag of unsalted almonds, an apple, a cup of yogurt, and some grapes.
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<br>
As the trip progresses, the beings move from 19th or 20th century plantation owners (which the sweet creamy peanut butter provoked, peanut plantation?) down to my immediate family. I feel a sort of primacy moving through the layers of history, like I’m connected by the physical sensation that the food provided. When I arrive at the current time stream I am infused with the immediate presence of my family members, none of whom are actually here. I feel the amalgamated mood of this collective conscious weigh down on my perception and I catch glimpses of a person’s eyes flashing towards me, sparked by the look of a lampshade, or by the positioning of the couch. The description may sound vague, however the identity of each individual was quite pronounced and I could identify by name each presence. The mind space implied to me that I was in direct contact with these people, on a very deep level, and that though they may not be aware of the connection, it did appear to be genuine.
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<br>
~8:40: The connection with this tremendous conscious awareness seemed to catalyze the development of my personality and I was quickly transformed by this connection. Though difficult to describe, it seemed that my pushy intellectual thoughts became raveled up with a level of compassion and love that felt irresistibly genuine and gravitational. I was the emotional center and my being felt reflected, just as it was in the music, except this time through the interconnection of the presence I was entangled in, and in doing so, I became so much more than I could have been on my own. I was laughing a lot and reveled in the thought of being a monkey in his family stomping grounds. I write “I’m a monkey, my monkey nature.” Every action pushed through the family schema became magnified and the fractal boundary of my being seemed to deepen and concresce with joy. Many other people seemed to be present as well, including a few friends, all of whom I sent extremely positive and loving signals to. I expect when I see them next I will be ever more open and loving of them.
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<br>
~11:00: The trip now begins to wane out and it would seem my being rests with that of my uncles’. I look down at my hands and they too seem integrated just as my mind is integrated, I see reflected in them the presence of them; large, fumbly, compassionate, humorous, primordial/natural, and very loving. I lie down in my bed for the night and play some guitar, yet find it hard to find any proficiency playing even the most rigorously memorized songs. In retrospect, none of my uncles play the guitar, so it is possible that the morphogenetic resonances related with the guitar were weakly engrained, or maybe it was the clammy hands :P. It takes a long time to get to sleep and for the rest of the week I am left with a sense of peace, well being, compassion, understanding, and openness.
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<br>
In closing, it is difficult to relate the nature of really any sort of psychedelic trip and I’ve left a lot out that I knew I’d never be able to describe. I hope anyone looking to do psychedelics does so for creative inspiration and makes use out of the unexpected results that often come from trips. It is now a week after the trip and I still feel the expanded mind that I had felt in the first hour. My dreams have become more vivid, I feel connected to the people around me in a way I didn’t think was possible, and I am planning on moving out of my father’s house as I’ve realized what I need. It’s the love on that deep felt level that counts, and when that goes missing, ego controls motivations and life becomes a dreary place indeed.
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Well… I guess that’s all I have to say for now, thanks for those who read through the whole thing, I’m still working on my writing skills and descriptive faculties, and I will hopefully be writing more of these.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 99562</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 12, 2013</td><td>Views: 5,416</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=99562&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=99562&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cb/">2C-B</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">108 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Warning: this report contains graphic imagery of sexual assault.
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My previous experience with drugs has been varied, and when this experience had occurred I had used LSA, LSD, 2CB and mescaline and never had any kind of uncomfortable experience. LSD had given me a few useful insights, but nothing as difficult and life-changing as this one.
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<br>
My mindset was generally good on the day, although I had recently begun therapy to address a sexual assault I experienced years ago, which had a huge impact on my mental health and my subsequent sexual experiences. It should really have occurred to me that perhaps this was a risky time to use psychedelics.
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The setting for the trip was my boyfriend's room in his shared house, let's call him B. We were spending an evening together tripping and the plan was to take LSD and a bit of 2CB and listen to music, talk and enjoy each other's company.
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The evening was fairly unremarkable in that I was having the same visuals I usually seem to experience (B took on a 'cobweby', 'Hallowe'eny' appearance and grew bat wings; he appeared to be smoking countless pipes, cigars and cigarettes; I kept hallucinating that I had spilled my drink, etc.) and having a wonderful time.
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I can't say what it was exactly that cause my mindset to change, but I was curled over hugging a cushion and all of a sudden I felt torn apart by an emotional pain so powerful that I can't even begin to put it into words. I looked up and blood gushed from the walls and ceiling and I had what I can only describe as a flashback of my assault from the point of view of my vagina. I could vividly see the man who assaulted me kneeling over me and I felt that I was my vagina being penetrated and violated.
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B quickly realised that something was happening to me, and began to try to talk to me. At this point B, the drugs (which I will refer to as Lucy) and I took on roles of different parts of my subconscious. B asked me questions about what was wrong, so I felt that he was the part of me that wanted to talk about the issue and try to resolve it. Lucy kept trying to distract me and 'trick' me out of talking with pretty patterns and irrelevant delusions, and I was scared of talking, wanting to say things but unable to communicate. We went in circles and I tried to 'trick' Lucy into believing that I said enough so that she would leave me alone and let me be, but I felt this urgency to communicate and kept repeating the phrase, 'I'm only tricking myself,' which I feel is very reflective of the way I deal with the mental health professionals who try to help me. I trick them into believing I am doing well, but it's me that suffers because my issues remain unresolved.
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This went on for about an hour. At one point I believed that time had stopped and at another point I believed that days had past, that I had lost my mind and there were people waiting outside to take me away to a mental hospital (which actually felt like a relief at the time for some reason). One thing that I kept returning to was the deep ball of pain that ripped into every fiber of my body. I cried and moaned and felt the pain, the helplessness, powerlessness, fear of my assault and relived it again and again.
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Feeling that pain was one of the most liberating things I have ever felt. As suddenly as the uncomfortable part of the trip had started, a wave of relief washed over me as though I had cast away a crushing burden.
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I spent a little more time with B, and then we went to bed. After a few hours' sleep I awoke still seeing unusual colours and patterns, but feeling very emotionally fragile. The next day I awoke feeling better in myself and more positive than I have in a very long time.
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Although at the time this trip was one of the most emotionally painful and draining experiences of my life, I don't call it a 'bad' trip. It was extremely uncomfortable, but it has helped me to confront issues that have been ruining my life for years. In the years since my assault, I had never once allowed myself to feel any pain at all. I believe that this experience has unlocked something in my memory and allowed me to truly begin to heal and recover.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 95945</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 6, 2013</td><td>Views: 10,873</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=95945&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=95945&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 2C-B (52) : Difficult Experiences (5), Sex Discussion (14), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">210 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It's been four months since my 'summer of love' ended. It started with two small squares of white paper on a train headed to NYC, a chance to see psychedelic art in rare form, and a once in a lifetime experience.
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The LSD was what really mattered to me and what stuck with me over the course of that summer and on into the future, and it's what I want to talk about. I feel the details about all of the drugs I tried that summer are inconsequential, but I also feel like some listing is necessary. I tripped a few times on 2C-I, which produced strong visuals unlike anything else. I did shrooms once, which gave me weak closed eye visuals. I had done salvia at points in my past and I did DMT (the only drug I ever did without researching to some extent) once when I ran into some friends who had been telling me about it for some time, after getting far too drunk at a party. The come up felt so intense that I never touched it again. Of course there was always pot, which was a staple around the house.
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I did LSD quite a few times with a variety of people and over the course of that summer I learned to enjoy music in a way I never thought possible, learned to create art and music on my own in a way I never felt I could before, confronted my demons to make my self a better person, and had a 'farewell trip' that seems to have hallmarked the entire experience, but that also left me with a bittersweet taste in my mouth.
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At the Whitney’s Summer of Love exhibit I remember others in my group being quite daring and acting a little too crazy for the environment, doing things like laying on the floor telling random strangers that the real art was on the ceiling, looking not at the video but rather the colors it threw against the sound absorbing foam on the ceiling, but I was calm, a child of the universe, wide eyed and curious. I remember staring at works for what seemed like forever, walking up close and backing away, looking from the left of the right. I grasped art in a way I never did before, despite the art history and the drawing class. For the first time I appreciated pure form, pure shape, pure color, and how they worked in concert.
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I was always fascinated by music especially jam bands and 60’s rock. I never could bring myself to dance or to create music. Even though I had tried my hand at playing bass, I couldn't see past the fact that I was the judge of what was good. Being in the crowd for the Allman Brothers on 2 hits of acid changed that. I remember <i>really</i> dancing for the first time in my life, seeing and hearing music at once. I felt a part of every person in the crowd and on the train ride home I could recite and elaborate upon the guitar solos in my head, my mind at some point grasped the music on a fundamental level.
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As the summer went on I found myself doing acid with separate groups of friends, which compelled me to do it more often than I would normally have. The trips with other people seemed from the start to be uneventful, with little visuals and nothing profound for me to chew on in my mind. I felt like I was treating acid without reverence.
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It wasn't until I was driven home after one such uneventful trip, after I thought I had long since come down, that I had a visual that night, while playing bass in my room. I got to the root of all that held me back as a creative spirit and as a person. I learned that the events of my childhood had taught me to always doubt myself and to never try for fear of failure: I couldn't dance out of fear, I couldn't draw anything that wasn't a carbon copy of reality, I couldn't play my own music, I couldn't look people in the eyes and I couldn't believe that a woman would love me. I had this demon it seemed feeding on my energy, my self-confidence. As I played I realized that I had the ability to make music and always had, I was just deaf to it all this time, my foot danced automatically when I was on to something and lines of energy, and neon flowers began to surround the fret board and dance along my white walls. Over my last semester at college I took a music theory class and I get better at bass every day to this day but if not for LSD I know I would not have this joy in my life.
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<br>
After this I decided that LSD was best spent on creative ventures but never seemed to have the opportunity or desire to do it alone. I still wound up tripping for what seemed like no reason until eventually I began to feel like I wasn't going to take anything more from the experience. It was at this time I began to worry. People had begun asking me for acid even though I didn't deal; all my friends seemed to be in over their heads with everything they did and I began to feel like I needed to use the 10 hits I was saving in some sort of grand goodbye to college and to LSD, rather than hold them and risk incarceration or screwing up my future.
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<br>
That night started at 7pm in my apartment. My roommate had never experienced acid in its full effect because of how much he drank at all times. A girl I liked who I knew had done acid and some of her friends who were also experienced had come over and I gave out 5 of my hits to them, asking first if they had ever done acid and informing them of all my safety precautions. I didn’t want anything bad to happen. They all turned out to be less than savory people, wound up leaving the apartment against me and my roommates wishes and had generally sullied the bonds of a tripping group, which I regarded as sacred.
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<br>
As I came up I was faced with the 'what to do now' problem and in the excitement grabbed a felt pen and my sketch pad which was being used more like a notepad since basic drawing class had ended, and found the one blank page that didn't have a phone number, or rummy score, or assigned sketch on it. I commenced to create a pen drawing unlike anything I ever thought possible, it was also the first time I ever did anything in pen, always having hated the permanence of it. In what was an instinctive, intuitive, fluid process, I made a drawing of a psychedelic landscape which looked like many things from many angles. It became the object that seems to define that entire summer. I wish I could link to it and still maintain my anonymity.
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<br>
Later that night I thought about why LSD, which had opened so many doors for me, had to be made illegal, lamenting that fact until I realized that half the people in my group had left and I couldn't stop them (though I tried) and that one had driven (all be it only 2 miles and only on half a hit). I realized in the wrong hands acid could be a terrible thing and that not everyone was like me. I also realized that in breaking the law myself I made it ok for all those people who shouldn't be doing acid to break the law themselves and that I was a hypocrite.
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<br>
It's now been months and I constantly think about the implications of that summer, as I did on my farewell trip. In fact every time I smoke weed I get higher than I ever did before, experiencing closed eye visuals at some points and a strong feeling of paranoia at other points, all of which is about doing drugs, going too far, making myself stupid in some way, or ending up a failure. I came to the conclusion that it was also time for me to move on from weed and I feel like in some strange way this is my mind telling me that I shouldn't smoke any more either. I had no choice but to agree.
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<br>
It feels so strange that the 'mother of all drugs' was the drug that suddenly made me feel I couldn't do them anymore. I even quit smoking cigarettes, not wanting to feel controlled by an external force. Although I feel booze is an essential part of American life and feel no remorse there (it's funny how a commercial makes something feel guilt-free). Even so, I can’t imagine myself having not done LSD. I feel I have only changed for the better and that LSD was possibly the most therapeutic experience I have ever had, yet at the same time society tells me I should be ashamed of what I did. I suppose this wouldn't bother a true hippy, but hippy was put to rest, set ablaze in 1967, and I'm still alive today.
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<br>
Yesterday I sat down, completely sober, and drew something abstract again that turned out quite well, I was delighted to see that I still had the ability even without the acid. Yet the implications of this are huge as well, since I will never really know why I still can. Is it possible I never really came all the way down? Maybe. Did acid teach me something? Of course not, how could knowledge come in chemical form? What really did happen?
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<br>
I like to think it opened a doorway to what was always there, to the unconscious mind, allowing the two which always acted so separately to act in concert, to communicate, and that my subconscious taught me a few things. I feel like a trip lingers on in your mind and the decisions you make on acid while in contact with this other part of you, whether you call it the unconscious or the soul or spirit, stay with you, guiding you in the future. In my case I feel this is for the best and it's something I can live with, something I must live with.
<br>
<br>
This is the strange grey line my life has become, loving everything about my psychedelic summer, and what it has taught me, and at the same time feeling guilty for imbibing of it. I made it out of college with a degree, no debt and a good job, yet sometimes I feel like I cheated fate in not burning out like so many do, and that I cheated life by subverting my own mind to become who I am.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 69290</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 27, 2013</td><td>Views: 5,795</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=69290&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=69290&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 tablets</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Products - Other</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:20</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
My personal quest has been to try every drug, but just once, out of curiosity. Although I haven't strictly stuck to my one-time-only plan, acid is a different story.
<br>
<br>
One night my friend J and I were planning to go to a club after meeting my other friend, S, at her work. My friend J and I were supposed to show up at S's work when she got off at 9. We ended up getting there a little too early, so we ran to Exxon to pick up a snack. While in the line at Exxon J saw some energy pills that we, at this point, have taken about 3 times before. They were Stacker 3's, pretty powerful diet/energy pills. We also bought a pill called 'All Night Long', which was a sex aid. It promised to give energy, slight euphoria, and greater nerve sensation. We have never done this before, but we figured it would be fun for the club. We decided to take two of the Stacker 3's, and one 'All Night Long' each. So we took ours on our way back to my friends work, and saved S's in my pocket.
<br>
<br>
We waited outside for my friend for like 15 minutes. We began to feel the effects of the pills we ingested, and could not sit still for one second. We were running around the parking lot like little kids, and talked non-stop. Soon we felt the enhanced nerve sensation, and touched a million different materials (like the sidewalk, a leaf, our skin) thinking that each felt so cool. I was pumped to leave to the club, because I really wanted to dance, and I probably could for hours.
<br>
<br>
Soon enough, S came out, with a smirk on her face. I knew something was up, and asked her what was going on. That's when she asked us, totally unexpectedly if we wanted to do acid that night. Although I was not at all planning on it, I figured why not? After all, it would knock one drug off my 'to do' list. And I knew that if I was up for it, my friend J would follow (she too, shared my theory in trying everything once). J and I asked S if it was a good idea to do it that because of the pills we had taken. S had never done acid before either, but assured us it would be fine. She told us that the man at her work only wanted 5 dollars for each tab. So we gave her 5 dollars each, and she went back inside to get the tabs.
<br>
<br>
When she came back out, I told her that I didn't think it was a good idea for us to drive if we were going to do this. But she already had everything worked out, and told us that her friend Jimmy was waiting for us at his house. Jimmy was going to the club anyways, plus, he had done acid a few times before, and agreed to be our babysitter.
<br>
<br>
When we arrived at Jimmy's, we all jumped into his car, and began to drive to the club. The club was about 30 minutes away, so we decided to take the acid immediately, so it would hit us before we got to the club. I ripped off a little square of the plain white tab strip. Although I accidentally ripped off a piece of another square, I figured it wasn't a big deal, and began to chew it. I chewed it forever until it got too small, and I had to swallow it. We figured the acid would hit us on the way to the club, but it didn't. S was kind of mad, and didn't think the acid was any good, so she took the same amount of energy pills that J and I took earlier. So we all walked in, S, J, and I were still feeling the energy pills pretty strong, but no signs of the acid's effects.
<br>
<br>
We were all pretty disappointed that the acid wasn't working, but didn't want it to ruin our night, so we just put it out of our minds, and enjoyed the club. We were dancing away, when suddenly they started up a bubble machine, which sent bubbles all over the dance floor. I realized that I was quite mesmerized with the bubbles, as they flew through the air, I couldn't stop staring at them. I soon noticed J staring at the bubbles too. I laughed and asked her if she felt anything from the acid. She said no, she just still felt weird from the pills. I agreed, and we all decided to take a break from dancing for little bit. So we all stood off to the side, but still with in reach of the bubbles. I felt like I couldn't stop staring at the bubbles and the lights, so I just did. I was staring for a while, then I looked over a J, to see what she was doing. And that's when the first one of us was hit for sure.
<br>
<br>
t+1:10, 11:30
<br>
<br>
J was standing there, eyes wide, crying. She was just staring at the bubbles, with tears rolling down her cheeks. I didn't know what happened to her, and I immediately asked her what was wrong. She replied with a simple, 'I don't know, nothing really.' I pleaded with her to tell me so I could help her out, but she did not (and could not) explain herself at all. I was worried and kind of mad at her for acting in such a strange way. At this point, I didn't understand how someone could just start crying out of nowhere, in front of everyone, and could not explain themselves. We all backed pretty far away from the dance floor, and tried to comfort J.
<br>
<br>
t+1:15, 11:35
<br>
<br>
I continued to feel a bit odd, but I just attributed it to the pills. But soon I realized that I was feeling something other than the pills. When I looked down, the ground was slanting downward and away from me, and it kept getting further and further away, making me feel as if I would fall. Then I began to feel a bit uncomfortable with so many people around, I told my friends that I thought I was starting to feel the acid, and asked them if they thought it was a good idea to leave. J thought my idea was wonderful, because she too felt weird around so many people. Although S didn't feel anything yet, she agreed, and Jimmy agreed to take us back to S's house, where we were staying.
<br>
<br>
T+1:20, 11:40
<br>
<br>
As we were leaving the club I held on to J closely. Her trip had begun to start at least 15 minutes ago, and she seemed pretty confused. As we walked out of the club I began to feel the effects more and more with every step I took, as if I was walking out of the club and into the acid trip. I didn't want to look at any people I didn't know in the face. The ground continued to slant downward, and my legs seemed like they just kept getting longer, or maybe I was taking longer strides? I felt like it was a huge mission to get to the car. And once we got in, I was extremely relieved.
<br>
<br>
T+1:25, 11:45
<br>
<br>
We began to drive home and J sat in the back seat with me. Her eyes were practically bugging out of her head, and I asked her what she was feeling, so I would know what to expect in the next few minutes. She told me that her body was tingling so intensely that she couldn't even move, then she was trying to tell me what was going on in her mind, but she couldn't explain herself, because the acid was hitting her so powerfully. I asked if she was okay a few times, and she gave me a sincere smile, so that I knew she was even though she couldn't talk.
<br>
<br>
T+1:28, 11:48
<br>
<br>
I began to feel motion sickness, and felt like I was going to throw up. I told J, and she tried to calm me down, saying it was just the drug, and I wasn't really nauseous. It didn't help, I asked for a bag to keep by me just in case I needed to throw up.
<br>
<br>
T+ 1:35, 11:55
<br>
<br>
We were caught up in traffic because of something that was going on up ahead. I was planning to wait until I got to S's to throw up but I could not stand it any longer, and stuck my finger to the back of my throat and threw up a few times. But I didn't feel any better, especially because we realized that the traffic up ahead was a shit load of cop cars blocking up the road. Then Jimmy and S started to freak out. They thought there was a DWI check up ahead. S wasn't tripping yet, so she and Jimmy were trying to think of a plan for when the cops were going to talk to us. They would obviously know something was wrong with the two of us in the back, one tripping balls, and the other throwing up. They agreed that we just need to act normal, and if the cops knew something was up, to just explain that we had been drinking a little, and were on our way home.
<br>
<br>
T+ 1:40, 12:00
<br>
<br>
We realized that we would be stuck in traffic for a while. And what should have been a 15 minute ride would be like 45 minutes. I began to feel a better because the car hadn't moved in about 10 minutes. So I started to talk to J in the back. We were basically talking about what we were feeling, although I just started to trip and only felt the body tingle, she was pretty much full blown tripping. That's when she motioned that she might call her boyfriend to come and pick her up later.
<br>
<br>
<br>
T+1:50, 12:10
<br>
<br>
For some reason I felt that if I was about to cry. And I just began to burst into tears. I didn't know why, but accredited to the fact that I didn't want J to leave. I began to think that if she left, the appropriate thing to do would be to kill myself. The meaning of life completely vanished for me (obviously I was in some kind of sixth circuit warp), and I imagined the ways I could kill myself most painlessly. I started to describe them to her, but she then immediately explained to me that she would not leave me until I gave her the okay. I began to feel better after she said that, but when I stopped crying I realized I was now completely tripping (probably on the same level as J). I began to feel my body tingling, but it wasn't tingling all over. My body was tingling in stripes(my feet, the middle of my calves, my upper thighs, my mid stomach, and my upper chest) horizontally across my body. The tingling was so intense, not like a normal weed smoking tingle; this tingle was actually squeezing my body and pushing it back into the seat so hard, I felt like I could hardly breathe. This scared me a little, but J said the same thing had been happening to her, but it had eased up after a while. This relieved me, and slowly but surely, the tingling eased up as the minutes passed by.
<br>
<br>
T+ 2:00, 12:20
<br>
<br>
We were about 20 feet away from the cops and I had no worries, I was completely in my own world. I was in what some called a mind fuck, where there was no point to try to find an end or point to what I was thinking through drawing rational conclusions or imagining an answer visually. Instead of freaking out about this I just let my mind flow. I heard S and Jimmy freaking out about the DWI check, but I didn't think it was a big deal at all. At this point, S's trip definitely started, for she began to bawl like the rest of us had when our trips started. She just began to cry and cry, talking about how the DWI check was coming, and she didn't know what to do. Really, at the time, I couldn't even comprehend what a DWI check was, or its consequences. I just sat there, and tried to calm myself as I felt the trip overtake me.
<br>
<br>
T+ 2:05, 12:25
<br>
<br>
S noticed that it wasn't a DWI check at all, there was a car accident. They were extremely relieved, but I was extremely bothered, at first. I refused to look over by the accident, afraid to see anything that might disturb me, as I was trying to ease into the intenseness of the trip. I closed my eyes as we passed the accident site, and S said that there was a dead man on the ground. This would normally freak me out, but instead I was completely unaffected. I felt that it was only normal that the man had died, and since it did not affect my life at all, why should I worry. After all, millions of people die everyday.
<br>
<br>
T+2:10, 12:30
<br>
<br>
J talked to her boyfriend on the phone. She tells him about the intenseness of the trip, and that she was starting to get scared, and wished he was there. He was pretty upset that she even took the acid, and decided he would come and get her. I was too far into my trip to worry about other people. I didn't know why she was really leaving, and again I felt no emotion, and I didn't particularly care that J would leave anymore.
<br>
<br>
T+ 2:20, 1:00
<br>
<br>
We met J's boyfriend at a local diner, so that he could pick up J, and bring her home. When J's boyfriend got there, J practically ran out of the car, and got into her boyfriends. I realized that I didn't even get to say goodbye, so I jumped out of the car, planning to go over and say goodbye. This was the first time I had walked since leaving the club about 1.5 hours ago. I was completely wobbling, and had almost no control of my legs, but I somehow managed to walk the 10 feet over to the car. Suddenly I forgot what I went over there for and asked J what she was doing. She told me that she was going to go home, but that I'll talk to her tomorrow. I thought it was fine, and told her to be careful. Then I started walking back to Jimmy's car, putting my full concentration into walking. I didn't even look around, because if I looked at something and didn't think about walking, I wouldn't have made it. Finally I was almost back at the car when I realized S was standing outside of the car screaming at J's boyfriend. She was screaming that he is a jerk for leaving with J, and not even coming to talk to us. She was calling him every name she could think of, and was threatening to kick his ass. Although I couldn't laugh (I think I forgot how) I was cracking up inside. I could hardly get back into the car because I was 'laughing' so hard. I thought it was hilarious that S was yelling at J's boyfriend for no real reason, or at least a reason I couldn't understand at the time.
<br>
<br>
T+2:40, 1:20
<br>
<br>
Finally we were on our way back to S's house, or so I thought. We drove for about 10 minutes, which I have no recollection of, and ended up at S's friends house.
<br>
<br>
T+ 2:50, 1:30
<br>
<br>
I asked where we were, and S began to tell me that they are making a stop because she wanted 'water and bread...oh, and some straws to chew on.' So we all got out of the car. Jimmy was walking around, and S was talking to her friends by the car, but I could hardly move. I just stood by the car, holding onto the door for balance. I am usually very friendly and would talk with S and her friends, but I had no desire to. Instead I just stood there trying to understand where the hell I was. I knew I was somewhere in my friends' town, I knew I was by a car, and that's about all I knew. I couldn't tell where the side walk, lawns, or houses were, everything was just a mess. So I stood there and tried to figure everything out, and get things into perspective by taking it slow, and focusing on one thing at a time. First I noticed a tree, because I was right by one. I looked a little past that tree, and noticed another. I looked down a little further, and noticed the trees just seem to go on forever. I didn't realize that the trees were probably just landscaped like this, and began to freak out. I looked where I thought across the street would be, and the same thing was over on the other side - another line of trees.
<br>
<br>
T+3:00, 1:40
<br>
<br>
S came over to me to see if I was alright. I tell her that I am, although I still didn't know where I was (except that I was near a car, and a tall tree, which continued into a row of trees). She offers me a straw to chew on. When I decline the straw, she begins to tell me how much I'm missing out, and how wonderful straws are. I listened as closely as I could because I found her theories on straws quite amusing. But I still had no desire to chew on one, mainly because I began to think she was addicted to chewing on straws, and if I started, I would be chewing on them the whole night.
<br>
<br>
T+3:10, 1:50
<br>
<br>
S and Jimmy say they're goodbyes to S's friends, and we all get back into the car. We make our way to S's house. I think I was tripping so hard at this point that my mind just shut off (k-hole??). All I could think about was that I wasn't in this world. The next thing that I remember was I was looking down at my body from somewhere else (eighth circuit). I was thinking 'What is this, what are all these things around this thing?' A thought popped into my head, it said, this body is you. I was very confused. I think I was trying to refuse the seventh circuit causing myself to 'bug out'. It was as if I had never seen my body before and I didn't even know I had a body. I knew that I existed, but I thought, what is that silly chunk of meat there. That couldn't be me, how could I possibly be that, that thought of me being that chunk of meat was stupid to me. So, I tried to think of who I really was, my name popped into my head, it sounded really weird, but I knew it was my name. So finally I convinced myself that the body is in fact a body, and it is in fact my body.
<br>
<br>
T+3:35, 2:15
<br>
<br>
We arrive at S's house. I open the door, and proceed to step out of the car, only this time I really couldn't walk. I was tripping so hard I didn't even know how to walk. Jimmy noticed this quickly, and ran over to me. He put my arm around his shoulder and began to help me walk, but it was no use, my body would not work with me. Jimmy ended up carrying me to the front door, and helped me walk (partially carrying me) into S's guest bedroom. All of a sudden I had the urge to throw up yet again. So S brought me a plastic bag. I was mad because I felt nauseous, and spent 5 minutes dry heaving. S told me to stop because I was just bugging myself out and probably didn't have to throw up at all. I knew it was true, but the nauseous feeling wouldn't go away, so I didn't stop trying. S left the room and came back with some water (at some point about here Jimmy left). She told me to relax and drink it. I refused but she told me that the water will stop my nausea. I have a lot of trust in S, a best friend of mine, and immediately believed her. So I began to sip on the water, although it tasted really weird to me. This water seemed to be flavored, but I didn't remember water having a flavor, and I had no idea what the flavor was flavored like. So I just tried not to think about it and sipped on the water. It was the next day when S told me it wasn't water she had given me it was milk. Jimmy said milk would be better to coat my stomach, but S knew I wouldn't drink it if I knew what it really was.
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<br>
T+3:55, 2:30
<br>
<br>
Okay, brace yourself this is the yucky part. I grabbed the plastic bag, and this time I knew I was going to throw up. It all just began to come out. At that point I couldn't even tell you how much water exited my system, not only because I filled up a large portion of the bag, throwing up, but I also peed uncontrollably, right there on the couch. And I dry heaved until S told me that if I didn't stop she would be forced to wake up her father, and bring me to the hospital. I immediately snapped out of the mind set I was in, and told S I would be okay. I would normally be disgusted with what just happened, but for the first time in my trip I felt great. I no longer felt the nausea that was taking me over for the last 3 or so hours. S helped me change my clothes, and cleaned up the mess (she was obviously handling the trip way better than I was).
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<br>
T+4:20, 3:00-4:00
<br>
<br>
Although I didn't feel sick anymore, the trip was still really intense, so I decided to lay down, and try to rest. S brought me over a sheet, and told me she wasn't ready to sleep so she would be in the living room watching TV. As soon as she left the room I began to get intense visuals. First of all, the room that I had been in thousands of times, was no longer recognizable to me. I could not figure out how big the room was for the life of me. I kept looking around, but the walls would keep moving backwards, or be suddenly extremely close. Sometimes I thought I was in the room the size of a basketball court, other times, I felt I was practically in the closet. So I decided to stop trying to figure it out, because it was impossible. So I just stared straight up at the ceiling, and figured that I needed to go to sleep. But the trip wouldn't let me; it was keeping my mind extremely active. I started wishing that the trip would end, and began to think that it never would. After all, I had never done something that lasted for so many hours, so intensely. I figured if it hadn't even begun to mellow out by now, I would never stop tripping. While I was thinking about this I began to see small orange faces coming out of the corner of the room. The faces were waxy looking with really big noses. They kept coming at me one by one. I wasn't scared of the faces, I just got kind of annoyed because they wouldn't stop coming at me. So I tried to think about other things, and they eventually went away. Then I remember looking at the fan, and thinking about how it felt (emotionally). And that's about the last thing I could remember before I fell asleep.
<br>
<br>
5:30
<br>
<br>
About 7 hours after I initially took the acid, I woke up, and realized S was in the room. I asked her if she was awake, and she said yea. Then finally, I realized that the trip had mellowed out, slightly. S and I just sat there and talked about countless things for about an hour. I would explain what we talked about except the concepts would run this post onto an extra 10 pages.
<br>
<br>
6:30
<br>
<br>
We were relieved that the trip had mellowed out, and figured that we would be fine in the morning. At this point I went to the bathroom to pee. But I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. I only looked for a second, because it looked like my eyes were bugging out of my head, and I got really freaked out. I returned to the room, and proceeded to sleep until the next afternoon.
<br>
<br>
I can't even think of a word for how I felt the day after. My brain felt completely fried. I could do some simple tasks, but my body felt extremely relaxed and it was hard to do anything that required even minimal effort. Lucky for me, I had work that day with some other girls in high school that I was friends with, and my manager had already left for the day. When I explained to them how I felt, they pretty much did all the work and let me sit behind the desk, as I tried to explain to them my adventure from the previous night (having extreme difficulty because I kept forgetting what I was saying, and could hardly form sentences).
<br>
<br>
Although half the trip my brain and body were not properly functioning, I still remember almost every aspect of the trip. I guess the memories part of my brain stayed on the whole time, which I am extremely grateful for. This experience taught me a lot, and was an awesome new feeling that I think everyone should experience at least once. The intensity of the trip completely kicked my ass, and I was extremely thankful that I chose to do it with close friends. For me, this one trip was definitely enough; I appreciate acid, but would never touch it again.
<br>
<br>
HAPPY TRIPPING :)~
<br>
<br>
'There's a button somewhere inside each and every one of us that gives you a look into the other side. And thats the button that resets the compass that tells you where you want to sail.'<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 89917</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 16</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 28, 2013</td><td>Views: 4,528</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=89917&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=89917&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Unknown (120), LSD (2) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I am 18 years old and, prior to this event, have had experience with marijuana, alcohol, and salvia. I've wanted to try LSD for a while, and have had some access to it, but have never found the 'perfect time' to try it, until 2 weeks ago. I was on a spring break trip with 11 friends on the coast of North Carolina. We had an amazing oceanfront house with a great beach and, since it was off-season, literally no one was staying in the houses near us. A few friends and I decided it was perfect for our first trip. We brought 8 hits of what I later learned was very high quality acid: 3 for A (who had tripped several times, working his way up to 3), 2 for me, 2 for F, and 1 for R (F's girlfriend). On our fourth day at the house, the other trippers decided we should do it that day. At first I was hesitant; I was slightly hung over and thought I should be in better health for the first time. Eventually, I felt better and decided to take the hits that day.
<br>
<br>
Around 3 P.M., we all took our hits together, A taking all 3 hits, F, R, and I each taking 1. About 10 minutes after taking the hit, another friend and I decided to drive down the road to a surf shop and buy a cheap skimboard as we had spent the last four days with nothing to do but drink and smoke, and were looking for an adventure. After about 45 minutes, at the surf shop, I began to feel a little strange. My vision was somehow intensified, and I could feel something was a little different.
<br>
<br>
By the time we got back to the house (my friend was driving), the feeling had grown a little but was still hard to place. The other trippers were feeling the same thing. F had taken his second hit but I decided to wait it out a little longer. P and I ran out to the beach to skimboard. The other trippers followed to watch and run around on the beach. Skimboarding seemed easier with the buzz, as I had less inhibitions. I had plenty of bad falls, but what would normally hurt was simply funny and I would get right back on the board.
<br>
<br>
Around 4:45, when we stopped skimboarding, all four of us were feeling the LSD a lot. It wasn't at all how I imagined it. Having salvia as my only other psychedelic experience, that was all I could imagine it being like. Salvia tends to change my perception in a confusing, usually uncomfortable way. It leaves me pretty much out of commission. For example, my friend spent several minutes on salvia trying to stop the graham cracker king from unstitching the black and white triangles that were holding together the universe. On LSD, while my perception is definitely changed, I have enough wits about me to appreciate the wonder of what I'm seeing. On salvia, I hallucinate because I'm far too out of your mind to see what's real. On LSD, I can't believe what I'm seeing is really happening right before my eyes, no matter how hard I concentrate on it.
<br>
<br>
After skimboarding, A, F, R, and I lay down on a strangely lush green patch of lawn in front of our house. It was amazing to run my fingers through the carpet of green that was almost like fur. We decided that we were on top of a big green monster with thick green fur, holding on to its fur for a ride. Suddenly A, who had taken 3 hits, leaned forward and threw up into the grass. His face was far redder than I had ever seen anyone's face be before. When we asked him why he was throwing up, he replied 'I am?' He barfed several times, still unaware that it was happening, and then was perfectly fine again. We then realized that only we, the four on acid, were still outside, with the other eight would-be babysitters inside the house. It was hysterical to us that they would leave us outside alone, and we laughed uncontrollably for several minutes, screaming 'We need an adult!' over and over. Finally, a friend, M, came out and sat down with us. We all laid back and looked at the sky. It was the absolutely perfect weather to trip, with lots of low beautiful clouds moving amazingly fast. F and I were awestruck, and repeatedly asked each other if the clouds could possibly be moving that fast. Upon a closer look, the clouds swirled like Van Gogh's 'Starry Night'. I smiled, knowing it was the acid, and watched the patterns of swirling clouds for a while.
<br>
<br>
Around 6:00, we decided to go inside. I was excited to talk to my other friends about what I was feeling and seeing. When we got in, the dark, yellow lighting of the house was disorienting. I remembered that I still had another hit to take, and being perfectly satisfied with what I was feeling, I offered it to my friend H, hoping that he would have a similar experience. He took the hit. The trippers and I tried to listen to the music that was playing in the living room, assuming it would be great, and it was, but the inside didn't feel right. We all went out on the balcony of our house overlooking the ocean. The sky had become a dark blue and the waves were huge. We all stood on top of a picnic table and laughed with the wind roaring through us. It felt amazing to be so far high up with the enormous ocean crashing around us.
<br>
<br>
After a few minutes, an extremely drunk non-tripper, E, walked out onto the balcony and climbed onto the railing. We pulled her down and pushed her inside, laughing about how the people on acid were the ones babysitting the ones that weren't. After a while, the wind made it too cold outside and we decided to go inside to the disorienting dark lighting of the house. With too much stimulus coming from music and drunk friends, the trippers decided we all needed to stay together to make sense of it all. That didn't last long, as F and R went into their bedroom and shut the door. A and I were angry, assuming they went to have sex and leave us alone, but after about a half hour realized that they were just lying on their bed, talking and trying to make sense of all they were feeling. We were all overjoyed to be together again, and realized that it would be hard to act sexually with the mindset we were all in, resulting in what became a common reassurance throughout the night, 'It's not sexual!'.
<br>
<br>
Around 7:00, we all went back to the living room where the music was. I laid back in a comfortable chair and looked at the ceiling. Even though I was perfectly conscious and aware of my surroundings, the thousands of tiny dots on the ceiling were clearly swirling around each other. All of the other trippers noticed it too and we talked about it for a while. The music in the background, this time Sigur Ros, became a subtle obsession for us. We were constantly trying to figure out what was real, and the persistent noise in the background became our stability. At one point, a song ended and the room was quiet. We all instantly stopped talking and looked around, confused and unable to function without music. We yelled for someone to put music back on and finally someone did.
<br>
<br>
One of the most noticeable effects of the acid was that time went incredibly slowly. At first, this is something we laughed about, but as this effect became more noticeable, it was almost frightening. We would go from room to room in a confused haze, watching everything swirl and trying to stay together for what seemed like an hour, only to realize that it had been 6 minutes.
<br>
<br>
Much of the rest of the night was a confusing blur. The trippers would try to stay together, only to somehow be separated. At one point I was left alone in a bedroom, lying on the bed. I decided it might be better to experience the trip on my own for a little while. I spent several minutes watching the way the corners of the walls swayed back and forth before two of my very good friends, M and T, came stumbling in. They were both beyond drunk. They sat on the bed with me and T bent over me, slurring about how much fun he was having. I found his mannerisms to be fascinating, the way his body rocked back and forth on the bed.
<br>
<br>
When they left the room and I followed them and sat back down in the living room again, this time next to A. A, who had taken 3 hits, was staring from person to person in the room, not saying anything. When I asked him how he was feeling he stared at me and made a weak attempt at a nod. I began to feel detached and disoriented again, so I sat in the corner of the room by myself, to observe the drunks and trippers without too much interaction. Someone had spilled a bunch of coins on the floor where I was, and I started to flick the coins up into the air with my thumb. It was satisfying to watch them fly into random directions. M walked over with the handheld game Catchphrase, which we had been playing constantly all week. At first I was very reluctant to play, sure that it would be way to much for my brain to handle, but it turned out to be really fun and stimulating. I seemed to be better at the game on acid.
<br>
<br>
By around 10:30, when I thought I would be coming down, things were still going strong. My friend T, the extremely drunk one in the bedroom, had become <i>extremely</i> sick, and several people were taking care of him in the bathroom. I was still with a few people in the living room. I was mostly trying to prevent two girls from drinking more. They both had a bad habit of drinking vodka like water once they were too drunk to care. After about 15 minutes of keeping them away from the fridge, I gave up. I went to the bathroom where my friend T was to check on him. When I walked in, three friends were watching him, naked in a bath tub full of water, while he threw up what looked like blood. I panicked, still very much tripping. In my mind they were watching him die in the tub. I expected to see him throw up his intestines next. I soon found out they had given him some red Gatorade and he wasn't able to keep it down. T was still drunk beyond words, but he was at least conscious and not dying. My friends turned on the shower on the coldest setting and T yelped a few times, making us all laugh, and I felt a lot better.
<br>
<br>
I went back into the living room, and after about a half hour, T came out and sat next to me with a bucket. He dry-heaved into it for the next few hours. Soon after T came out of the bathroom, one of the girls I had finally allowed access to the fridge ran in, and spent most of the night there with her hair flopped into the toilet. A, P, T, and I watched a couple movies, Training Day and something else. I needed something to focus my mind on waiting for the comedown. F and R spent a lot of time outside looking at the stars, but I was glad to be warm inside, and didn't want to risk an uncomfortable experience. I spent a long time helping T and making sure he was alright. Around 3:00 A.M., 12 hours from taking the hit, everyone went to bed. I was still tripping, but starting to come down. Going to sleep on acid was as hard as everyone had told me it would be. As soon as I closed my eyes, I would see some random object (once it was P's head, another time it was a hamburger) in the center of my vision and it would multiply to hundreds of that object spiraling outward. My visions would get stranger and more vivid until I would open my eyes, and eventually try closing my eyes again, only to repeat the experience. When I looked at the wood slats lining the wall, the borders of the slat swirled and meshed together. I eventually fell asleep, somewhere around 4:00.
<br>
<br>
I didn't feel any significant hangover effects from the LSD. I experienced something a few nights later that could be a flashback, but I'm not sure. As I was lying in bed with the light on, the dots on the ceiling were very clearly swirling in the same manner as when I was on LSD. I felt no other effects. I would recommend most people trying LSD, starting small of course. My first trip was nothing enlightening, but was a very powerful experience and I'm glad to have had it. I will definitely try acid again in a few months.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 70589</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 8, 2013</td><td>Views: 5,536</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=70589&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=70589&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), First Times (2)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">150 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/library/books_online/tihkal/">AL-LAD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
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First a little bit of background. At the time of writing this I am 22 years old and a fairly experienced drug user, who especially takes a liking to psychedelics and MDMA. I have tried alleged LSD before (now I'm not so sure it was indeed LSD), a moderate dose of mushrooms as well as 2C-D, 2C-E, 2C-B, 4-HO-MiPT, 5-MeO-DiPT, 4-HO-MET and the almighty N,N-DMT.
<br>
<br>
Nowadays I am very cautious about being totally sure the drug is what it is supposed to be so I was very pleased when a couple of weeks back AL-LAD started making the rounds in the RC-scene. I saw an NMR and could confirm the identity of the sample so I decided to take a closer look.
<br>
<br>
At the same time a friend of mine offered me some real LSD, he said he had about 6 drops left and that I could eat 2 or 3 if I want. A couple of friends of my friend and my girlfriend who I will call M throughout this report went out to a lake surrounded by a beautiful untouched forest to enjoy bathing, tripping and sleeping in the woods. So far so good, I packed up the AL-LAD and on the first day I tried 1.5g of shrooms. Since the trip wasn’t out of the ordinary I won’t focus on that but it is maybe relevant in terms of tolerance build-up.
<br>
<br>
The next day at around 5 pm my first real acid trip began. I ingested about 1.5 drops of the acid (dosage not really known) and we proceeded to wash out the bottle and drink it between 4 or 5 people (I took a few sips so my total dosage was about 2 hits of LSD).
<br>
<br>
I first started to feel something at about T+0:20 when a very mild body load came over me and started tickling my extremities. Not really demanding and nauseating like it often happened to me on 2C-X compounds. It started building up from there very slowly, at about T+1:20 I was seeing the world enhanced, I would describe it as a state between + and ++. I found huge pleasure in wandering bare-foot through the woods, I lived in a big city most of my life so having all those huge trees and all the nature around me really was a new experience. I had tripped in parks and at that lake before (2C-B) but it never felt so good feeling the earth under your feet and hearing little branches cracking.
<br>
<br>
At about T+2:30 it stopped getting stronger and I was at a plus 2.5. Trees were wiggling, there was no wind and the lake reflected everything perfectly. It was a beautiful sight to say the least. At about that time the sun started coming down. I realized that I wasn’t really interacting with anybody. My mind was racing with thoughts but I was unable to talk to anyone about anything because I felt ridiculous explaining the most simple of things. The other guys all had much more experience than me, especially with LSD since they always had access to this wonderful stuff. M was sitting in the hammock most of the time, she had eaten shrooms and wasn’t very overwhelmed too so I decided to take her from our camp down at the lake upwards to a big rock from which you could oversee the whole area and where you had an amazing view. The moment we were away from the others we really started enjoying the trip, the pressure that makes you think you don’t want to look stupid in front of others totally fell off and a few minutes in we were laughing hysterically at the way the forest looks like.
<br>
<br>
It all looked like in a fairy-tale. There was not a sign that humans exist, not a piece of garbage anywhere, not a single line of paint on one of the trees – nothing. In between the 30 meter high trees there were big rocks covered with juicy-looking moss. I tried telling M the story of “Tischchen deck dich” a German fairy-tale which I read lately and which was following me the whole trip. Being unable to hold a thought for more than 30 seconds is really a problem when you are listening to a story so I had to tell the story about six or seven times until she got what it was all about. After that we went back to camp and since we thought we could trip harder we each took a blotter of 150 micrograms of the AL-LAD. A friend of mine who took the AL-LAD in the first place said that the 150 micrograms were like a mild, comfortable LSD trip and that – for him – it was indistinguishable from LSD. This happened at around T+3:30 and I was still at the same level as an hour before.
<br>
<br>
It got dark an hour later and walking through the forest at night wasn’t nearly as fun as when there’s light. Everything seemed threatening and ugly, it wasn’t really a bad trip but I could definitely feel that LSD can go either way. I thought a lot about if I find nature beautiful or not and I decided that it’s not easy to say something like that. I think many plants just look revolting and ugly. Then again a forest can be the most beautiful thing ever.
<br>
<br>
The AL-LAD enhanced the visuals gravely, all the trees started wiggling around and when looking up to the stars they quickly formed geometric shapes and systems. The visuals were very 2-dimensional though, not much depth as I have experienced it with DMT for example. The peak that started at T+2:30 lasted for another 6 or 7 hours and then I gradually was coming down. I usually have a headache after a strong trip but with LSD and AL-LAD I was feeling just a little exhausted and sleepy. The comedown was enjoyable and rather quick (which I like). All in all it seems to me like LSD is deemed the king of all psychedelics for a good reason: it’s highly enjoyable with (at least for me) no annoying side-effects to speak of. I am totally and absolutely in love with these compounds and I can’t wait to try them again in a more intimate set with M alone.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 101025</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 13, 2013</td><td>Views: 12,347</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=101025&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=101025&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), AL-LAD (603) : General (1), First Times (2), Combinations (3), Nature / Outdoors (23), Hangover / Days After (46), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:15</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 10:15</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/etizolam/">Etizolam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">164 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
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<span class="erowid-warning">[Erowid Note:
A substance(s) in this report might be identified incorrectly. Erowid reviewers question the author's identification of the drug described. Although the report is included in the collection, the substance might be something other than the author believed it to be.]</span> <br>
<br>
Date: 4/26/2013<br>
<br>
Time: 14-18 hours<br>
<br>
Place: My house, all alone.<br>
<br>
Male, 164 pounds <br>
<br>
Dose: 1 small blotter that looks as if it came off of an intricate design, the blotter has an eye on it.<br>
<br>
6:45: I'd been planning for this moment all week. I napped for an hour and meditated for 15 minutes or so. I was ready, I took the hit with good vibes, as this was my first time. I decided to keep it under my tongue for about 15 minutes before swallowing, this deemed a good choice as it contributed to the intense come up I experienced.<br>
<br>
7:05 pm: I'd noticed a quite bitter taste from the blotter, and of course, resulting in anxiety for an individual like me. Thoughts piled in at the back of my head that this may be a different trip. However, my tongue did not get numb, and the bitter taste was not very distinct. I figured it may be the blotter. I swallowed it at this moment.<br>
<br>
7:35 pm: My thoughts are racing, I am quite confused. My anxiety is out the roof right about now in what to expect. I felt very queasy. It felt as if my stomach did not settle right with the hit. I'd eaten a foot long sandwich around 12 pm. I'd planned for this trip, and even if it was artificial, I was ready to absorb all the information possible. Synthetic drugs and research chemicals do not present meaningless experiences. I began to think back at my past intense mushroom experiences, noticing the very present skin flushing.<br>
<br>
7:50: I am at a +++ right about now and I can not describe or really recall everything that was happening at this time. I began to have an intense full body purge at about 7:45 and it consisted of all excretion of sweat and all else, quite a petrifying experience but I felt absolutely great afterwards. I am trying to level my head out, my pupils are dilated almost to the point of no color on my eye and my thoughts are racing. It felt like a very intense 2.5-3.5g mushroom come up. I threw up the blotter that I had absorbed about an hour or so after I kept it under my tongue and swallowed it.<br>
<br>
8:30: The bodily purge is about over, thankfully. After I got off of the toilet I rushed back to my room, though it felt like forever. Every step was like ten steps, and I was quite lethargic yet stimulated at the same time. It was a strange feeling. It was like a very intense mushroom trip with a stimulating body high edge. I noticed my mushroom flashbacks and realized that I was in for a positive trip, and not to worry about a single thing. <br>
<br>
8:45: Waves of euphoria equivalent to repetitive orgasms came over me. I was marveling at the existence of this powerful energy. Every time I'd close my eyes I'd see wonderful CEVs unlike any I've seen before. Even with some potent mushrooms, it takes a lot to me to get powerful visuals. This was throwing me right into hyperspace and I didn't even know it! I saw minor kaleidoscope visuals with slight color whenever I closed my eyes and light was shifting around my vision. What a wonderful come up.<br>
<br>
9:30: My friend decided to stop by with his significant other, and we match a couple bowls of bud. We both had some very nicely grown herbs and it was pretty nice. I was trying to explain them what I had experienced but I was baffling. I couldn't explain my feelings so why bother? I just acted as if I was okay and they asked me to roll a joint for them since I had a roller and papers, and I thought in my head, why is this guy asking someone on acid to roll a joint? I didn't know, but I did it anyway. We smoked another bowl and he left. I was still quite very high, still peaking. My vision was very hazey still and the walls were wavey and very vivid. Everything was fluent, alive, and colorful. I was really enjoying this.<br>
<br>
12:00: I had some small visions and maybe even came close to a breakthrough with that powerful purge, but the powerful effects were now being amplified by the home made hashish. It was quite potent I thought, and it burned evenly with my herb. The effects were indescribable, the pulsations of positive energy were still coming over me. It was so nice. I could hardly notice the stoney effect, rather mostly noticed the THC effecting my already psychedelic behavior. I loved bringing back the peak visuals, it was so entertaining.<br>
<br>
2:40: Three girls showed up that my brother had brought over. I'd met a couple of them before and they lived in the area. Apparently they got the same Lucy from same guy that I trusted and it had only been an hour or so. Our guy was informed on RCs and was quite loud about this being the real thing. My brother never experienced psychedelics and it was wonderful seeing him on the same acid tripping balls, coming to introspection. He is normally so closed-minded. I noticed all the girls talked how I did when I was sober, so it made me laugh. One of the girls handed me a hit off of the same sheet I'd taken earlier, and I took it. She said 'Smoke me out?' so I did happily. I smoked the rest of my 4/20 hash and shake with them and they loved it, they were tripping very hard. It made me so happy to be in this time at this place experiencing this, and it was incredible I thought that this was happening.<br>
<br>
3:45: I notice that all the bud has piled on with the lethargic come down of the acid, and it has me experiencing a very trippy slow-mo kind of visual buzz. It was quite euphoric but interesting at the same time. I was smoking like a chimney with these girls, because for some reason, I just felt so happy to see them. I smoked so much that night I just felt like I couldn't smoke too much. I smoked over 2 grams myself and more with the girls out of the waterpipe. The indica was really hitting me, and it had me on a codeine like trip and I loved it. I still felt the acid hyperspace for sure, and I knew this was the real thing because it still had me stimulated. What a wonderful drug, I thought. It's almost as if this was supposed to happen the first time I experienced this teacher.<br>
<br>
6:00: I smoked the last bowl with the girls and said goodbye, gave hugs and they drove home. (DON'T DRIVE tripping, EVER. The designated driver had taken 2 hits 10 HOURS earlier and she was on antidepressants and hardly had effects! Do not ever take the selfish risk of drinking/tripping and driving!) I still felt the intense euphoria of the comedown and it was awesome. I took an etizolam (1 mg) an hour or so earlier, and honestly it did not do much to help my sleep. I was able to get about 6 hours of sleep or so before being awaken just by my parents talking downstairs. <br>
<br>
It was such a majestic experience, and I was glad I was able to meet Lucy on such a night. I knew I could trust my friend, as he said this was a double dropped hit. He said it was anywhere from 80-150 'mics'. It really blew me out of this world, and I could only compare it to my 3.5-6g mushie trips. Most parts of my peak experience I am still trying to recall and gather back information on, because the flashbacks were so intense. <br>
<br>
What a lovely psychedelic. While I must admit, mushrooms are still my favorite, this definitely comes second. Two hits or maybe even 1 1/2 would have been a breakthrough, and I don't know if I could have been able to comprehend it. I usually start on the lower end of the doses before moving up with psychedelics, just so I can remember and analyze past trips. When I woke up at 12 PM the next day, my pupils were still very dilated for a couple hours. I felt the afterglow for about a week and I still get small visual effects when I smoke my daily bowls. It's had a very positive impact on my life and I am so grateful I was able to come in contact with an entity as great as Lucy at such wonderful circumstances.<br>
<br>
But please, be aware, when buying from any friend or dealer, you could be buying any sort of RC or drug. I am almost positively sure that this was the real thing because my friend said his guy always had it tested, and my experience seems to reflect what I've read. By Lucy I mean LSD/sunshine, of course, and I don't mean any confusion here.<br>
Take precaution with this wonderful teacher, you will feel her awful hang over/comedown effects for a day or two afterwards! It was quite physical. The perpetual thought loop was also very powerful.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 100106</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 13, 2013</td><td>Views: 4,220</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=100106&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=100106&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3), First Times (2)</td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">66 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/quetiapine/">Pharms - Quetiapine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">33 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/quetiapine/">Pharms - Quetiapine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">200 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Pharms - Ibuprofen</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
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<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 6:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 glass</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td>
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<!-- Start Body -->
Chemicals:
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<br>
LSD – 1 hit 9:30 a.m.
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Quetiapine (generic Seroquel) 66mg 11:30 a.m.
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Quetiapine (generic Seroquel) 33mg 12:30 p.m.
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Alcohol – beer – 1 can 4:00 p.m.
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<br>
DISCLAIMER: I am not a pharmacologist. I know a lot about pharmacology and drugs (legal and illegal) but I do not know everything. This is all personal research done through medical journals, prescriber information books, internet resources, experience reports, personal experience and second-hand reports. Everyone is different and has different brain and body chemistry; this is simply my experience and my analysis of it. Maybe it can be helpful to you.
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<br>
This purpose of this report is to examine the effects (and therefore usefulness) of Seroquel (Quetiapine) as an antidote to the psychedelic effects of lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD). In theory, atypical antipsychotics such as Seroquel work directly on the effects of LSD, antagonizing the 5HT2A serotonin receptor subtype, which LSD reportedly exerts many of its psychedelic effects through. In addition, atypical antipsychotics also antagonize the D1 and D2 dopamine and H1 histamine receptors, which LSD works on, albeit to a lesser extent than 5HT. The older, more traditionally used, typical antipsychotics (e.g. the tried-and-true chlorpromazine/Thorazine, haloperidol) have very little effect on the serotonin receptor system. They do, however, exert most of their effects through the dopaminergic system, overriding the psychedelic effects of LSD but not actually removing them.
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Important Note: this was not the original purpose - if there was in fact a purpose at all - of the LSD experience that turned into this experience. I simply had the Seroquel in case I needed it. However, in retrospective, this actually makes for a much more interesting experience, at least in my opinion.
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All this could make the newer atypical antipsychotics much more effective antidotes to psychedelics. I noticed there is not a lot of literature on this topic. I also know from personal experience and many reports that the benzodiazepines are commonly used to end LSD and other psychedelic experiences. Very early medical literature lists phenobarbital as the antidote of choice for LSD. Of course, the benzodiazepines (and the barbiturates) work on the GABA system, not the 5HT system. Although benzodiazepines, most commonly Xanax (alprazolam) and Valium (diazepam) are considered the 'standard' antidote for ending a bad experience by most circles, I think atypical antipsychotics are more effective at actually ending the experience instead of masking the symptoms of the experience.
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The set up included:<ul><li>one white-on-white LSD blotter hit, stored in a lightproof container in the freezer before consumption,</li><li>one 100mg Quetiapine tablet,</li><li>one trip-sitter, my roommate, experienced with various psychotropics, including LSD and mescaline,</li><li>various run-of-the-mill psychedelic and trance music vinyl and mp3s at my disposal, and</li><li>an entire weekend with nothing to do.</li></ul>The location: urban, Southern USA, mid-spring 2008, warm and sunny weather
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Past drug experience: I’ve used LSD, 2C-I, DXM, diphenhydramine, salvia, various amphetamines, opiates, benzodiazepines, barbiturates, and smoked my fair share of cannabis. If that qualifies as 'experienced' or not, is in the eye of the beholder. I'll let you decide for yourself, but I think having a little background is important nonetheless.
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The experience:
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I woke up early (around 8:30, which is damn early for a Saturday) to discover that my house's Internet connection was not functioning. Realizing that without the Internet, I had <i>nothing</i> to do with my time, I decided to take the LSD that I had been saving for a few days after purchasing it from a 'good' source. According to reports of others who had taken this acid, it was very very smooth. I did some more research about smooth LSD, and how it could possibly be an analog of LSD-25, ALD-52. ('Sunshine Acid', anyone?) Of course, there is no way of telling what this actually was so, for simplicities sake, this is LSD-25.
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Note: this is not my first time taking LSD, it’s my 4th, and I've used Quetiapine as an effective antidote to dextroamphetamine (Adderall) before.
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After telling my roommate about this plan, the tab was dropped at 9:30 a.m., on a nearly empty stomach, save for a multivitamin and the glass of water used to wash it down. I then went and took a quick shower to relax and clear my mind as much as possible. After all, I was about to have a psychedelic experience.
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<br>
My roommate suggested that we watch a movie to ease me into the experience. I agreed, wanting to watch Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, however, my roommate suggested that we watch The Doors. I had seen Fear and Loathing many times, but I had not seen The Doors before. A travesty! I know. I agreed that it would be a rather appropriate film considering the substance I had just consumed. The movie began, and the first alerts started at about 9:50, a feeling of apprehension and slight stimulation, classic LSD first alerts. By around 10:20 it was incredibly clear that I had taken LSD, very good LSD. The movie became slowed down, fragmented, and the music of The Doors along with Val Kilmer as Morrison became a psychedelic catalyst for my experience. Time dilation beginning. Time getting really slowed down. My perception of time has ceased to exist. My body load was unusually heavy but I could still handle it. Going to take a piss results in me getting lost in the bathroom for a good 20 minutes, according to my roommate. Visualizations began at around 10:30 with crawling carpeting and changes in color hues. I felt as if my head was being detached from the rest of my body. Looking outside I noticed the color of the tree outside our home was leaning closer and closer to the window. (This is no typo, that is what was happening.)
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This was, without a doubt, the most potent LSD I had ever taken, even though it was only one hit. As much as I would like to make a guess about the microgram dose of this blotter, I know there is no real way to tell without personally knowing the person who made it.
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One hour after consumption I could feel the peak coming on. Ironically, this point was where Morrison was taking large amounts of psychedelic drugs in the movie I was watching. My visuals started to be controlled by the music in the film, as well as the general mood of the movie. My roommate and I continued conversing about Morrison's philosophy and the darkness of much of his poetry and the lyrical content of The Doors' music. I thought that this would put me in a bad mindset, but this acid was different. I was able to think about depressing things and not have my trip ruined by it. By around 10:45 – 11:00, the peak is in full swing and I am melting into the floor, getting very intense, hard to see, my visual field is sideways and standing up straight becomes hard. Wow, this <i>is</i> really good acid. Maybe too good, I thought, this is only the beginning, time to cut this short.
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At 11:30 (or thereabouts) I consumed approx. 66mg of the Quetiapine. That's a rough estimate, my roommate broke the pill into three somewhat-equal sized pieces and I took two of them. At this point, I decided The Doors was getting to be too much, and went downstairs to listen to some vinyl. Of course, my first inclination is to put on Pink Floyd's Dark Side of The Moon. I mean seriously, who hasn't listened to DSOTM on LSD? I’ve listened to this album on LSD before, but this was much heavier, but somehow smoother LSD. The needle dropped, my hands shaking. The body buzz was nearly overwhelming at this point, tasks requiring fine motor skills (such as setting up and playing a record on a turntable) became very difficult. I wanted to listen to 'Time'. No, I didn't. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to listen to. Things were taking way too long for me to listen to the entire album. Do I even want to listen to this album? Why isn't the Seroquel working? Then I remembered how stupid I sounded (to myself). 'You're on LSD', I said to myself, 'and you took those pills like 5 minutes ago, of course they're not working yet.'
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After some trouble, my roommate and I got ‘Time’ to play. My record player's needle was dirty and caused the track to skip around. I took me a little while to discern if this was happening because I was tripping or if there was simply something wrong with my turntable. So after that we decided to listen to some music on his mp3 player connected into my hi-fi system. Typical LSD musical enhancement, time changes, slows down, slight change in pitch and perception of echo effects on the vocals. After all, the song playing was 'Time', somewhat appropriate lyrical and musical content considering the distortion of time that I was experiencing while listening to the song, David Gilmour's guitar solo in the middle of the song took about 20 to 30 minutes of 'LSD time'. I was able to pick out extremely slight amounts of modulation in the distortion used in the guitar solo. That song hasn't sounded the same since. In fact, listening to it now, I can imagine being on LSD and switch my auditory perception to 'LSD mode'. A mini-flashback, maybe? Very intense, Pink Floyd never ceases to amaze me while on psychedelics.
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Trance music (song of choice was DJ Dean's 'Saturday Night') was also incredibly intense, almost as if I could control the tempo control slider on a turntable with my mind. If I thought about it hard enough, I could speed up or slow down the tempo and/or pitch of the music to my liking. Although, I think this 'LSD control' was more than a simple analogy to a turntable control slider. I was able to pick apart different synth tracks in the song and change the speed and pitch of each track individually, more or less creating a different song in my head. I've never done MDMA, but damn trance sounds amazing on LSD.
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The stereo started to annoy me, the peak must still be going on, I thought, even though my OEVs had started to die down, maybe the Seroquel is starting to slowly work against the LSD, even during the peak? Possible, I thought. Who really knows, the acid could just be starting the long process of wearing off.
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My roommate then told me that he had to walk to 7-11 to buy cigarettes. So I walked with him, it was probably the longest half a mile walk of my life. I actually suggested to my roommate that he drive my car there. He insisted that this was a Very Bad Idea. I'm glad he convinced me to walk. Wow, I thought, my vision is still pretty messed up, like looking through a curved lens. Wait, didn't Hofmann write that in his report on Bicycle Day? Yes, yes he did. Wow, I thought to myself, Hofmann would be proud. 7-11 itself was rather uneventful. My thoughts were now focused on trying to tell if the Seroquel was working or not.
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We made our way back to the house and things started to change. My memory, which is normally 100% functional on LSD, starts to get hazy. My visuals started to decrease substantially. Body load, still very much there, along with stimulation and the 'LSD feeling' I get in the back of my neck when I'm tripping.
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It is at this point, about 12:30, that I consumed the remaining Seroquel, bringing the total to 100mg. By around 1-2 pm, things were really starting to change, the antipsychotic I had taken was fighting the LSD in my head. A slight headache formed, I consumed 200mg of ibuprofen to attempt to kill it while I still could. My mental processes are getting clearer, but my thoughts are still racing. I noticed that despite my mental and visual trip being quickly beaten by the Seroquel, my body high was still running strong. Maybe the 'psychedelic' effects are mostly through 5HT2A and the other effects come from the agonism of other serotonin subtypes? I'm also getting tired and sort of hungry. I have never been hungry on LSD before.
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This is actually sort of enjoyable; I'm not being forced off the LSD, but gently removed from the psychedelic part of the experience while still feeling a body high and very slight and enjoyable stimulation that I would compare to consuming about 5 mg of amphetamine.
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It is now about 3 in the afternoon and my second roommate (who is unaware of the fact that I'm on psychotropics) comes home. I am able to carry on a conversation with him without him even knowing that I'm on anything. We all (along with a few other friends of my roommates) decide to go down to the river. Of course, I delegate that my roommate drives his car, because, even though I'm nearly at baseline now, my pupils are still massive. After much confusion about who was actually going to the river, things got straightened out. I'm basically back to normal now, nearly no psychedelic effects at all. That's about 6 and a half hours after consumption...I should still be tripping pretty hard right about now, considering my past experiences with LSD.
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We get down to the river and meet up with the other members of our group and start to walk around. Nobody is aware that I'm tripping until I tell them. If I could even call this tripping. The only thing that's different from baseline now is my body load feels sort of like I smoked some really good cannabis. The amphetamine-like stimulation is gone now too. We walk down to the water and I drink a can of beer (Pabst Blue Ribbon, no less), which has no effect whatsoever. The beer tastes just like a regular slightly warm can of PBR should. So no change in perception of taste now either. Normally when I'm on LSD, drinking fluid tastes very metallic and strange. Ahh, maybe there still is a little LSD in there after all, drinking on acid does <i>nothing</i> to me and I'm normally a lightweight when it comes to drinking - normally I can feel one beer.
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We walked back to the car and drove back home. I'm basically normal now; no mental or visual distortion whatsoever, slightly body high, although it is barely noticeable and doesn’t affect moving around or anything, and I had no problems getting back to sleep early that night (at the end of my other LSD experiences, getting to sleep was <i>very</i> hard).
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The next morning I woke up and felt refreshed, but still tired. A very good trip, I thought, certainly the best LSD I've ever taken. Taking the Seroquel really eased me out of it too.
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Considering how easy and smooth it felt coming down (albeit cutting the LSD short) from the psychedelic aspect of my trip using the Seroquel, I would recommend it to anyone, at least to have as part of a psychedelic crisis kit. However, it does take a decent amount of time to kick in, which, as anyone who has taken LSD knows, is a much longer amount of time when you’re tripping. From a pharmacological standpoint, the atypical antipsychotics seem to be the direct antidote to serotonin-modulating psychedelic drugs such as LSD.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 71844</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 10, 2013</td><td>Views: 19,448</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=71844&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=71844&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Pharms - Quetiapine (273), Alcohol (61) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/tramadol/">Pharms - Tramadol</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/cyclobenzaprine/">Pharms - Cyclobenzaprine</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
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<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
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<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/carisoprodol/">Pharms - Carisoprodol</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/kava/">Kava</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
The summer was long and unyielding. Recent events had me at an unusual amount of stress and the scorching summer certainly was not helping. My sister had just moved to San Francisco and I wanted to pay her a visit, so I jumped at the chance of taking a vacation to there for a week of binging.
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Accumulating all the drugs we could find, the Secretary and I planned a fun week in the bay far in advance. Our plans caught a bit of a snag when I got hired on at some arms manufacturing place just weeks before our scheduled vacation. We decided to shorten the five day binge into a three day bender. We traveled lightly, with nothing but a pair of sleeping bags and a suitcase full of drugs.
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After leaving work on Thursday I had a someone pick the Secretary and I up and drop us off at the train station. Neither of us wanted to drive and we figured plane tickets were too pricey, so we took decided to ride the rails. Little did we know a straight shoot train from LA to SF didn't exist, so we had to take buses between train stations. The result was a fifteen hour ordeal, only made tolerable by 600mg tramadol and 20mg cyclobenziprine between the Secretary and I. We had a few shots of liquor while waiting for the trains to arrive which synergized with the tramadol nicely, putting us in a silly and chatty mood. In addition, this combination made for some quality sleep.
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It seemed like ages, but we finally arrived Friday afternoon in downtown San Francisco mostly sober. We were both starving at this point, so when the Secretary pointed out a restaurant called Sinbad's, a nickname of hers, we literally jumped off of the bus to dine there. The place was completely empty, but regardless we took a seat and grabbed a bite. The food was sub-par, but the coffee was quite refreshing. They just kept filling our glasses and we kept emptying them until finally we had about six cups each. We paid out bill and were out on the street again.
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Growing tired of sobriety we wondered what to binge on first. Since it was still early and our supply of stimulants were limited at best we decided on the methamphetamine. We found a public restroom that quickly became too crowded to discretely do drugs in, not to mention the fact that I was in a lady's restroom at all raised some eyebrows, so we ventured to a port-a-potty where I racked us up each a line. The remainder I put inside a water bottle and we sipped, favoring a long lasting oral dose with a heavy hitting nasal one.
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We sat on the warm grass and talked about many things. The euphoria perfect, not too much nor too little. Eventually we decided to check out some of the local modern art. Not matter what my degree of insobriety I can never manage to appreciate modern art.
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My acid connection was supposed to meet us in town but ended up not being able to make it, so the two of us hit the streets in search of a vendor. The destination was hippy hill on Ashburry and Haight, on the exact opposite side of the city from where we presently were. But we were spun out and up for the sightseeing, so we took the shoelace express.
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We saw amazing things and met astonishing people on this walk, stopping a few times so that I could catch my breath and once to change in an alley. The hike was grueling and we became exhausted, but as the density of homeless grew we knew we were close. At last we reached our destination, which was conveniently next to an Amoeba record store. Of course we went inside and browsed the music. I made futile attempts to flirt with the locals but was too tweaked out to manage much success. I started to crash pretty hard and at last went outside to get some fresh air.
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My inquiries of LSD led me to a man named Lobo, short for lowlife hobo I would later find out. While he didn't have acid I convinced him to trade some DMT for my ether. We traveled across the street to hippie hill to make the transaction. I was looking forward to enjoying some ether later on, but DMT was just too rare to pass up.
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We continued our acid investigation until we met three other very young kids looking for the same. We combined our efforts and in not much time found a man who would sell us doses. $10 a tab, it was a rip off but it would have been wonderful to experience presently. We paid the outrageous price and the Secretary and I each dropped one.
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The secretary and I had been on a side quest ever since arriving in town to find someone with a piece to smoke her marijuana with. When we encountered Lobo again I asked if we would mind getting smoked out. He did not hesitate to withdraw his pipe.
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The secretary packed a bowl and Lobo began to hit it. As the pipe made its was around we were joined by three other hippies who decided it necessary to join us. One of them was a fellow I had asked earlier about the LSD but replied that, 'I got it, but I don't know you and wouldn't go out of my way to get you high.' The other was a female who I asked for directions to Market street, where we had come from, and gave me a long winded explanation which was clearly inaccurate.
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While the pipe made its second and final circle, the Secretary pointed out that I had almost sat on a needle under some brush. Lobo says that it belongs to him and asks if we use needles. I reply that I don't because it crossed a level of health dangers for me, to which he mocks us.
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This entire encounter with these burnouts was uncomfortable at best. Their demeanor towards us, fellow drug abusers, was wholly disrespectful. It was almost as if they looked down on us for not being as low as they were. This eye opening experience gave new meaning to the term 'rock bottom'. Earlier the Secretary told me she wanted to try intravenous heroin if she had the chance, so as we parted ways with these burnouts I taunted the Secretary that she would be like that in five years. She was not pleased with this.
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While walking back I saw a few spots within my field of vision and color distortions. I thought the acid was coming on but this was the climax of my hallucinations. We had been ripped off. With spirits low, we decide to pan handle for a bit while we rested. I had gotten us tickets to an Offspring show but we couldn't find a way to bring our stuff inside and were damned if we were to leaving it in the streets. So we sat on the ground, dejected and coming down, we decide day one of our binge is about over and move on to try and find a decent place to sleep.
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At this point the Secretary declared that she was done with drugs. I told her that she was just having a bad come down and that I felt the same way and the feeling would pass, but she assured me she meant it. I said that I tried to limit my drug use to enhancing events and the such and she told me she didn't want to do even that. She acknowledged the fact that she would still have the cravings, probably for the rest of her life, but that the recreational use of drugs was something she could do without. I humored her that I supported this decision, but pointed out that she shouldn't be making decisions while on drugs anyway.
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First we tried the BART subway system, both of us thinking it to be a stereotypical bum hotel. After hearing the news of a BART security guard executing an innocent unarmed man I was a little apprehensive about lingering down there but the whole time I only saw one cop, who happened to be on the phone. We sat and rested for a little bit but couldn't manage to get comfortable. I took a soma and flexeril which didn't seem to do a whole lot. The idea of a guard murdering us in our sleep kept creeping into the front of my mind until at last I could stand it no longer and had to leave.
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We made way to the hospital, thinking the emergency room had to be open 24/7 and they wouldn't dare kick us out. Another grueling walk away we found it. The lobby was completely vacant so we curled up in some chairs in the corner. This seemed cozy and warm and in fact I even managed to drift in and out of slumber, but the entire time people kept walking in and out and opening and closing doors and being awfully noisy until at last my paranoia begged me to leave.
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We tried to sleep at some Laundromats, of all places, but alas they closed up in the later hours.
<br>
<br>
We spotted a parking structure and at last knew our bed. Climbing to the fifth and top floor we finally found an excellent spot to rest. Several old men on roller skates roamed around the area making a very awkward scene. They meant us no harm and were clearly in no authoritative position and any normal situation would call for befriending them and getting some shut eye, but this damned paranoia wouldn't let up. I wondered for a moment why anyone would ever do meth as I cursed it under my breath. I used to be a tweaker with with a weekly habit for about a year and I abhorred that life. That was maybe two years ago, but the comedown was so intense now I couldn't stand it.
<br>
<br>
At 1am we gave up and at last journeyed to my sister's apartment in Union City via the BART. She greeted the Secretary and I with open arms and we immediately passed out in their guest room. By passed out I more accurately mean lay in bed without sleeping. Ugh.
<br>
<br>
The next morning I made some breakfast. The Secretary still had no appetite. We loafed around the apartment the majority of the two days while I snuck somas, kava, and shots of liquor to myself. The Secretary suck by her no drug policy for the remainder of the trip.
<br>
<br>
On Sunday afternoon the Secretary and I bid my sister and her husband farewell and began our long way home. It was even less enjoyable then the way up, with stops in places that were literal ghost towns. I ended up losing the tickets on one of the buses and having to buy another pair, silly me. Although I slept most of the way home I felt completely exhausted by the time I got to my own bed.
<br>
<br>
Substances that went unused during this trip were nitrous oxide, oxycontin, 2C-I, and Viagra. The DMT was later found to be no good.
<br>
<br>
The next day the thought of sobriety lingered in my head. Back in the day I had made an effort to quit everything about once every other month but had since not even bothered. I couldn't shake it for some reason, it was a different feeling then those other times. For the first time in a long while I sat down and completely revised my drug habits. I had more then my share of experiences at 22, more then most people could say they have done in a lifetime. What I really wanted most in my life was success and my three goals of a Chemist, a Writer, and a Father, and I finally realized that recreational drug use would in no way aid me. Now that I realize it I feel like it was so obvious and I was so blind. There was a lot of talk about denial during our trip and this is what it took for me to see my own dissent.
<br>
<br>
It was a fun trip, that youth, but I no longer have any use for recreational drugs. Although I long ago accepted that I would be addicted for life I figured with my new awareness it shouldn't be hard to parley my drug use into self-medication, which had already been a budding habit of mine. A reader may think that this sort of justification can only lead to relapse, but rest assured it is different this time. This time I actually want it.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 80451</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 27, 2013</td><td>Views: 24,264</td></tr>
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Methamphetamine (37), Pharms - Cyclobenzaprine (267), LSD (2), Pharms - Tramadol (149), Cannabis (1), Pharms - Carisoprodol (186) : Combinations (3), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It's been a long night.
<br>
<br>
My last submission to erowid was at the age of 17. At that time I was determined, through the use of psychedelics, to unlock secrets of the universe, and while I have had my share of transcendental experience and startling revelation, I am now, seven years later, content with brushing up against the common grace of the human soul.
<br>
<br>
I hadn't had a good strong trip with lsd in many years, due to the consistently poor quality and low dosage of what was available to me. I recently moved back to the Seattle area from Portland, where, during my last few weeks it seemed there a was a large amount of synchronicity leading up to this experience, as I've always found the case when coming close to an intense encounter with psychedelics.
<br>
<br>
This particular evening, after spending the day sharing drinks with an old friend I hadn't seen in over a year, I had caught the bus to the closest place to my current home as possible and had just embarked on a seven mile walk to get home when I ran into my somewhat recently ex-girlfriend, with whom I had spent five years and we had a pleasant conversation during which she informed me she had eight hits of good acid with her that she'd be willing to sell me at a bargain. I bought all eight and intended to save them for later in the week, but a few miles into my walk I decided that, as I had no obligations for the next few days and would have the house to myself for the night, I should sample it.
<br>
<br>
I had been told that one was enough for a strong trip, but I've been the recipient of a lot of dubious dosage information, and so I ate two with plans to take a third if I didn't feel much within an hour. I ate the initial two around midnight, and the third around 1 am. Within a half hour I was beginning to feel it, and ended up getting a little lost on my way home.
<br>
<br>
Eventually I found my way, and being hungry, I ate a bagel, after which I proceeded to the back deck to sit and think about my life, my friends and the woman that til recently I had thought was the love of my life.
<br>
<br>
I am the product of a decidedly tumultuous adolescence and young adulthood, but from what better cloth are writers cut? I've recently become more confident and sure of myself than perhaps at any time in my life, and I came to the conclusion that in the different phases I had passed through, I had been attempting to define particular aspects of myself and then attempting to define myself as that aspect alone. It has only been recently, and especially after this experience, that I've been able to see the whole picture and truly come to terms with who I ultimately am.
<br>
<br>
I listened to the albums of The Books on my ipod all night, and decided that the path I was embarking on, to get a certification as an audio technician and take music classes in college is by far the best that I could have chosen for myself, and was amazed at the amount of work and passion that these two men had put into making such beautiful music with sounds most others would consider the noise of a normal day.
<br>
<br>
I came to the conclusion that the real importance of a life is whom one chooses to spend their life with and with what dynamic they interact. I am exceedingly grateful to have been able to share almost a quarter of my life (and certainly the majority of my adulthood) with someone so strong, caring and graceful as my ex, and while I miss her I know what would happen if we gave it another shot. I cried for the loss (albeit due to my own decision and action) of someone who was so important to me, but ultimately am glad that we may be able to still be good friends and hopefully spend some time together now and then.
<br>
<br>
I felt immense gratitude for the two other friends in my life who had played such important roles, and resolved to tell them and my ex how much they mean to me and to thank them for having been there for me when my own life wasn't going particularly well.
<br>
<br>
I'll be the first to admit that I have my share of vices. I've been known to occasionally drink and smoke to excess, and I am guilty of occasional lust, but tonight I've taken the first steps toward tempering those. I decided that, as I've recently been smoking far less marijuana than I had in several years, due primarily to lack of money and a quality supply, and had been grateful for the clear-headedness that relative sobriety provides, it seemed pointless to be drinking as much alcohol as I had been over the last year, and that if I wasn't driven to smoke something that has positive effects, then I should make an effort to smoke fewer cigarettes, which only provide a fleeting satisfaction, as well.
<br>
<br>
Regarding lust, which was large factor in the ending of my most recent relationship, I realized that there is nothing wrong with sex, as one is only sharing oneself with another person in a way that borders on boundary dissolving, but that due to the intimacy of the act, it's unwise to be frivolous with it, and ultimately was glad that, though the opportunity had been available, I hadn't made love to anyone since my ex. I thought about my unfortunate preoccupation with pornography and, while I understand this preoccupation and can define its origins, it is no longer of any use to me, and ultimately is only detrimental to the possibility of having another romantic relationship.
<br>
<br>
As all this was going on it came to be about 4:30 in the morning, and having finished off a pack of cigarettes in an effort to satisfy an oral fixation and alleviate my unconscious tendency to clench my jaw, I decided to go for a walk to find another pack. I reached the nearest gas station at about 5, but they weren't open yet, so decided to try the nearby Safeway. They didn't open until 6 am, so I wandered around the complex, appreciating the fading visuals and being moved by the sight of the rising sun and the sounds of The Books.
<br>
<br>
When the safeway opened I went in to buy my cigarettes, but after a lengthy and particularly awkward conversation, found out they were charging over $7 for a pack and so decided to walk further down the road to the next gas station.
<br>
<br>
After a half hour of walking, I realized just how far I would have to go to get to the next gas station (being on the sammamish plateau), and after appreciating the view of seattle from in front of the city hall, decided to head back and try the first gas station again.
<br>
<br>
I should mention, having read the books of carlos castaneda, that I was surprised to find that in the early light of the morning, and with the mild visuals that remained, I took note that the crows in the area, while flying, appeared white. I wasn't even sure they were crows at first, until I saw them land and heard them caw.
<br>
<br>
Eventually, around 6-6:30 am, I got back to the first gas station, bought a pack of smokes and walked back to the house, where, as my visuals had quickly been receding and my state of consciousness returning to a more and more grounded place, I smoked another cigarette (wishing I instead had a bowl) and laid on the couch to watch tv in hopes that I might be able to fall asleep.
<br>
<br>
It is now 6:30 pm, and even though I've come down to pretty much baseline, it's been 18 and a half hours since I took the first two hits and, while I felt particularly tired about 7 hours ago, having spent quite a bit of time lying on the couch seems to have been plenty restful, as I could easily stay up til much later this evening with no trouble. My body, however is quite fatigued and so I'm going to go lay down and see if I can't catch some shut eye.
<br>
<br>
Hopefully this was helpful for someone. I know a large number of the trip reports on here are focused on serious psychonautical exploration, but as I've grown older I've found my trips taking on much more of a grounded character that serves to reaffirm my beliefs and passions and help to solidify my goals and the path I've chosen to take to reach them.
<br>
<br>
Thank you for your time and your attention,
<br>
-Symptom6<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 72952</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 15, 2013</td><td>Views: 3,285</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=72952&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=72952&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), General (1)</td></tr>
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<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">75 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">165 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
We started by meeting at the greyhound station in Ottawa. Two friends and I took a bus to Montreal. Once we got there, we met up with three more friends and had a nice vegan dinner. Afterwards we took the Metro (free subway on new years) to the three other's hotel room where we prepared our assorted drugs. I wasn't planning for anything too exotic, so I brought with me one mdma pill, and one booster. In addition, I also took a vitamin C pill there in the hotel room and brought two multi-vitamins for use later. The night before new years and on new years I read up on all the detailed risks of mdma and what to do to help prevent them. There was also a girl that was planning the same thing and had brought the same supplements. I was happy to see that I wasn't crazy about being careful with my body.
<br>
<br>
Getting to the event was super easy, it was about a 5 minute walk from the hotel. It was also warm outside, so no issue there. Once we got to the event though, you could definitely tell it was sketch. It was definitely used in the past as some sort of warehouse. The bathrooms were a disaster and the hallways were a mess. Later on in the night though, none of this would matter. :)
<br>
<br>
The event had three rooms, each playing a different style of music. We walked around a bit and got a taste of each room. All of it was very Trancy and exciting, definitely the stuff I like. It wasn't quite the Tiesto-style music I'm used to, it was more HHC and up-beat, but still very cool, and especially fitting for the things that would occur later in the night. The dancing and music was so great, all the people there having a great time, I definitely saw why raves are so loved by many.
<br>
<br>
At around 1am (the thing started at 10pm), My original two friends and I took a hit of acid. I wasn't planning on taking it, but since we were going to be there for 14 hours, I figured I'd start off with something I had done in the past and knew what to expect. About an hour later it kicked in. This was a *very* *very* different experience from the first time I tried it. Being that there were hundreds of other people dancing and jumping to the beat, it was so easy to connect with others. It felt so right. It was so great, everything was perfect, I couldn't have been more excited.
<br>
<br>
As the night progressed, 2-3 hours later, my hit was still going intensely. Something I noticed though was that the crowd was changing. Though I expected many people to have taken E, I didn't realize that *just about everyone* did. This is where things really change you. The scene quickly turned from 100 strangers dancing solo, to 100 strangers dancing together, smiling and hugging each other. I have never in my life seen so much happiness expressed so openly. If someone would so much as nudge you in the slightest way you'd both look at each other and hug each other in apology. 'Oh I'm so sorry to have stepped on you', 'Don't worry about it!! You're looking so great today!', 'Thank you! What great music!', 'yaaaay'. Everyone put aside their differences and just embraced each other. It's so often that you see people dressed and normally acting like ego-filled thugs become so vulnerable. It was absolutely unbelievable, I was almost in tears watching it happen.
<br>
<br>
Note that while that happened, I was still on acid, though it was starting to finish up. I didn't share the same feelings as the others since I hadn't taken my mdma yet, though just observing all the love was life-changing. The paranoia associated with acid started to somewhat kick in for me and I was starting to feel out of place. There was so much love in the room, but I didn't feel too much aside from the way I normally felt. It being almost exactly 5am, I went to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall and went through my pocket to take out my package for the night, two pills with mdma and two multi-vitamins. I took the 75mg (the large one) of mdma and left the other three pills for later. It felt weird, my hands were shaking, all I could think to myself was 'oh wow, two crazy drugs in one night, I must be insane, I guess this is what it feels like to be out of control'. That was probably the paranoia of the acid talking, but it definitely felt like a scene in a movie where you have the druggy taking pills and is unsure about it. Down the hatch it went and ~30 minutes to go.
<br>
<br>
On my way back to my favorite room, I walked through the halls and made a very clear observation. It now become amazingly obvious why raves' themes always have to do with aliens, zombies and some sort or invasion. Everyone is completely out of their minds. People are walking very slowly, looking in the wrong direction, not able to understand anything. Random moans and grunts are coming from people walking through the halls. If you've ever wondered what a zombie would act like, this is it. I remember thinking to myself at this point that it would be absolutely hilarious for someone not under the influence of anything to walk through these halls, they'd probably die of laughter.
<br>
<br>
I got back to the dance floor and it's a completely different atmosphere there. Everyone's dancing to the beat of the music and loving each other. At one point, the DJ screwed up and had some silence in his music. You could instantly notice everyone (including myself) get very <i>very</i> upset. This music was the lifeblood of the event, if it stops for even a second, people start having bad trips and all hell breaks loose. It was at this point that I was imagining, if cops showed up to break up this event, they'd have to be complete idiots. Not only would <i>nobody</i> be able to find their way out, but they'd walk so slowly and be so out of their minds, that nothing would work. This is aside from the anger everyone would be in. Only the most inexperienced of cops would ever shut down a rave, it would be a complete and utter disaster to stop the music. It's very clear that at a rave, all you can do is dance. If you're alone going to do anything as simple as going to the bathroom, you'll be completely mindless. It felt so weird, but amazing at the same time.
<br>
<br>
About 30 minutes had gone by and I started to feel the mdma kick in. It was right on time because I was starting to feel pretty weak after having already been dancing for 7 hours. It wasn't as many say all once of a sudden and be unhandleable. It was very calm but apparent. I could feel myself suddenly sweating more, getting a ton of energy and moving around a lot more. I started staring at more people in the eyes and myself, too, over-apologizing at the slightest touch of somebody else. I was out of control and I loved it.
<br>
<br>
I was so amazingly happy. It was at this point I met up with a girl that I had dinner with that also took the mdma. Though I'm usually very awkward around women, I was really open and happy with her. She slipped a glowstick off her hand and gave it to me. I tried putting it on, but of course it wouldn't fit. So I unplugged it and made it and tried wrapping it around my hand. I couldn't get it to close since it's normally a two-hand operation to put it back together. This was probably the plan of the company that made it because, lo and behold, what a convenient time to ask her for her help putting it on. I didn't hesitate for a second in asking for her help (normally I'd be iffy about asking because I'm weird like that), and she didn't hesitate for a second in helping. Her hands touching mine felt amazing. Everyone says E has a way of making you enjoy touching yourself and others, but I had no idea how much. This felt amazing! After multiple attempts we finally got it back together and we danced together for another ~30 minutes. I even got her number, though it was tricky since cellphones are pretty much banned from raves. A fellow raver let me know in the nicest way she could (you can tell she really didn't want me to feel bad), but I totally approve of the protocol. You go there to dance, not pick people up, that's what makes a rave a rave: there's no lame tricks involved or mind games involved with 'picking up' other people, this isn't about sex or going over to other people's places afterwards, you just dance and have fun, and the simplicity of the whole thing is what makes it so awesome for me. The girl I was with insisted on giving me her number anyways, so we went to the back of the room and hid from everyone and I wrote it down. I doubt I'll call back being that I'm not from town and that an e-altered mind's judgement of 'this could really work out' likely couldn't be further from the truth, though it felt great for both of us to have someone else to dance and have fun with that night. Maybe I should call her, I don't know. Once she left, I kept dancing along, on the spot for hours. It just felt so good. There's no need to get creative in the dancing either. Just moving on the spot could be fun for hours
<br>
<br>
I had very noticeably started running out of energy. I went to the bathroom again and looked in my pocket, noticing that I had three pills left, the 25mg mdma booster, and the two multi-vitamins. Looking at the booster, I just laughed and took the multi-vitamins. It'll need to wait for another day, I was still on my E high (and some acid too), though I wasn't looking for more, I just wanted to keep enjoying what I had and collapse and go to sleep eventually some time.
<br>
<br>
I went back to the dance floor and kept going. It was interesting to see the types of people that went to different rooms. The fast HHC music mostly had E people, the slower music had mostly Acid people from what I saw. You could really tell that that music was almost designed after how people trips went. Mixing the right music is a real skill and I'm happy the event picked good DJs. One of the DJs (Azax Syndrom) did a whole story with his music. It was obviously alien-themed, though it had very good production value. The sound effects and music fit together really well. I felt like we were taking over Earth, once crazy fast-beat dance at a time.
<br>
<br>
It was about 10am and by that point I was starting to get insanely tired. I went back to the Acid room and found my friends there dancing it up still. I sat down on one of the chairs and started to pass out. I was really really tired, though still somewhat energized from the remains of my mdma trip. They too were getting quite worn out, so we decided to head off. Once we got out, I found it funny one of my friends pulled out her sunglasses, fully expecting the sun reflecting off the bright white Canadian snow to be a bother. You can always spot the experienced ravers. :) We did a quick walk to the local Metro and took the subway to our bus station. On the subway I actually got quite awake and we discussed everything that had happened. I was super happy the entire ride long, and was definitely a lot funnier and talkative than usual. It felt so good. I was so happy to be around other people.
<br>
<br>
We eventually got to the bus station and grabbed the next bus to Ottawa. Once I sat down I literally collapsed on the chair and fell asleep for the 2 hour ride. We eventually arrived, I said bye and got a ride from my dad home. I didn't have messed up eyes or act weirdly, though I was exceptionally nicer than usual and got into a lengthy conversation about a car's clutch system. He might have caught on that I was on something, being that I was much more open and excited than usually, though I didn't tell him about any of the drugs, just that I was dancing for a while. Nothing wrong with that! Something I should note is that for some reason talking to other people <i>really</i> energized me, though when standing around not communicating with others, I quickly started feeling tired.
<br>
<br>
Once I got home, I took a shower, barely able to stand up, and went to sleep. I woke up 4 hours later, grabbed something to eat, though was still not able to do much. I watched some tv with the folks, though again, very talkative and nice but not productive. I went to sleep again last night and woke up today. I still feel that something went on, but I'm getting more productive and able to do stuff now. Also I should note that when talking to people, I pay more attention to being nicer to them now, and try to keep any negative comments I'd have normally said to a minimum. I hope that stays.
<br>
<br>
Overall, this definitely had to be the most exciting and mind-blowing (literally!) experience I've ever had. I could not have been happier about the entire experience and don't regret anything. Maybe I should have taken the mdma before the acid, but regardless, I'm happy I took them both to see both perspectives. In general, I'd say that because I was good about it and didn't let it take over my emotions too much, and most importantly, I remained in control, I had the time of my life. I can't wait to do it again, though I'll likely wait another 1-2 months before I go again. Taking these drugs can be safe (though of course not 100%), but it sure is safer than the shit that happens when people get drunk or smoke their lungs out. I'm so happy I did this. Welcome 2010. Oh and did I mention I didn't drink a drop of alcohol on new years? :)<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 83097</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 21, 2013</td><td>Views: 5,894</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=83097&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=83097&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), Hangover / Days After (46), Rave / Dance Event (18)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 capsls</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
New Years was to be a big celebration for a group of my friends and I. Friends from hours away were coming into town to celebrate. We were all very excited and had been waiting for this for a couple months. Everyone was planning on rolling, everyone of us has done it before and most of us had rolled together. Some people were planning on taking acid with their ecstasy as well. I had never candy flipped or done acid but decided a week before the party that I would like to try. Many of my friends had done acid and had candy flipped so I knew a bit of what to expect by asking them questions and from reading about experiences online.<br>
<br>
So New Year's Eve we get to our friends house around 7:00-7:30 to set up. The areas where we all hung out were all on one floor of the house. The main room (which was the living room) had a large couch and the floor had been cleared for dancing and my friend had set up his computer and very large speakers to keep the rave alive. Off of the mainroom was a hallway where two bedrooms branched off, a 'chill room' which was a dark room with more couches and windows open so we could cool off, and of course there was a bathroom. The bathroom door had a mirror hanging on the door which reflected back to you the hallway (more about that later).<br>
<br>
After setting up and everyone meeting, our friends had brought three of their friends down with them to celebrate and more people had joined the party, we all decided to get to the drugs! Some people took their x and acid at the same time, while others and myself took our acid and waited about a half hour. I sat one tab of acid under my tongue and let it dissolve for maybe ten minutes, didn't really know what to do so I had to keep asking when the appropriate time was to swallow. Besides being very excited I didn't really begin to feel the effect of the acid. Some people mentioned their stomachs hurting, but nothing negative. After 30 minutes we took our rolls, I double dropped molly which had been put into capsules.<br>
<br>
The next couple hours, not really sure of the time frame, is a very big blur. After doing our rolls the lights went out, we put on music people got out their rave toys. I just sat on the couch, feeling very light. I watched as people danced, spun glowsticks and poi balls. The colors were brilliant! Everything was melting together, I could do nothing but lay on the couch feeling like a puddle. Everything seemed one dimensional to me, people were walking around in the same space as the people spinning poi and I couldn't understand how they weren't getting hit, it all looked to be one plane. <br>
<br>
We were all rolling very hard. We all hugged and were rubbing on each other. I remember laying on the couch sitting on people and having them just squeezing me, it was fantastic. One of the best rolls I've had. I couldn't really tell which drug was doing what though. I've rolled many times before and my eyes usually get really shaky and I'll see spots that dissolve. My vision was very shaky everyone looked like they were in the cartoon Dr. Katz, their outline wobbled. In the dark I kept feeling like couches were people and vice versa, I had to use glowsticks to help me look at things.<br>
<br>
All I remember really is dancing a lot; my friend put together a humungous mix of a bunch of dance music. Everyone was singing dancing, hugging, kissing, the usual at a rave. I did wonder about the house aimlessly for a bit, although I had seen all of the rooms when I was sober I felt like I was rediscovering the house at this point in time. I think some of the reason for the curiosity had to do with the fact that more people had joined the party and I just kept wondering what everyone was doing. I remember standing in the hallway and just peaking into every room. One room contained our friend's little brother's friends some of whom were sober. I kept peaking in, standing and telling them sorry if I was freaking them out and wondered away once again probably to go dance.<br>
<br>
My friend included a count down on his mix which hadn't started yet, but someone there had been looking at a watch and we all counted down whooping dancing and kissing as we began the new year. Ten minutes later the count down started on the mix and even though we had already rung in the new year we did it once again. Everyone was bonding at this point, it was like we had all known each other for a looong time. Everyone looked beautiful and I just kept kissing and hugging my friends.<br>
<br>
Now I'm not really sure what time this was, maybe an hour or two after midnight, the molly started to wear off. And it didn't just wear off, I was rolling balls one minute and then the next I was just sitting there left with the acid. I felt really weird, I hadn't expected this feeling at all. When reading people's accounts about acid and candy flipping most people seem to have a very personal experience. They think about the universe and what part we play into it. I did not have any of these thoughts, I felt really paranoid and suspicious of everyone.<br>
<br>
I sat down on the floor and began to watch everyone, they were all still rolling! I could not understand how they felt this awesome. I was still experiencing visuals, colors and the general picture of everything was bleeding together. But everyone just looked sooo weird to me.<br>
<br>
My best friend, who I've known my entire life was still rolling very hard. I kept watching her, chomping her gum, writhing around, rubbing the couch and floor, she kept exclaiming, 'oh god!' she looked absolutely insane to me. I couldn't believe that I had been doing the same thing that everyone else was only minutes before. I went to the restroom, the door which you had to kind of force open normally because it gets stuck in the jam would not open for me! I kept feeling like people were messing with me, I thought someone was in the bathroom holding the door closed. I stared at the mirror for minutes, it reflected the hall and the doorways back to me. It was very trippy to watch myself and what was going on behind me. Eventually I had my friend come get the door open for me. Once inside I turned the lights on, what a mistake. My hair was very crazy from sweating and writhing around, my eyes were the size of dinner plates, I could see every single pore in my face. I was disgusted, I washed my face and tried to cool off which was somewhat soothing. Deciding that I couldn't make myself look any better I joined everyone back in the main room.<br>
<br>
I sat and watched again... Everyone's eyes were flicking around, they couldn't focus on anything, they were all chomping their gum chewing their lips. I couldn't handle it, I thought everyone looked nuts, I had to leave the room. I went into one of the bedrooms where two of my friends were laying down, they were just rolling but had done acid before. They helped to talk me down and helped explain the odd feelings I was having. After maybe fifteen minutes they helped me to realize that I was fine and that nothing unusual was happening. <br>
<br>
I went back into the main room, some people took more molly as they felt their first dose begin to wear off. I decided not to, I always find that it's not as good as the first initial roll so I just sat on the floor still watching everyone but in a little better mood. I did look over and notice my friend (D) was doing the same thing I was. I watched him a little bit and he seemed to feel the same way I did. People kept coming up to ask us if we were okay, tried giving us light shows. After sitting for a little bit we started talking realizing we both felt exactly the same and were seeing the same weird stuff. We wandered the house for a bit again and made our way to the couch, where we sat/laid together.<br>
<br>
We began to joke around and kind of came into our own little bubble. I was able to enjoy the acid and at times it seems like my roll would kick back in, or it may have been the acid, I'm not quite sure. But I would feel good physically again, laying and hugging and melting together was wonderful. We sat on the couch yelling at people telling them to dance or to spin their glowsticks/poi balls for us. We were laughing non-stop and just making everyone entertain us. I felt like we were in our own bubble on that couch and that everyone just floated into our area just there for us to watch and laugh at.<br>
<br>
I was enjoying my night again. The rest of the night and into the morning I spent on a mattress on the floor of the chill room. I laid between D and another guy (A) making it awkward for the three of us with my awkward conversation. I just wanted to kiss both of them and since I wasn't still rolling it was hard to approach them about it. Though I did end up flopping back and forth to kiss them both, albeit awkwardly. We also laid and talked, mostly about random things, other times doing drugs, and our night thus far. A eventually left and D and I slept for a couple hours. That morning (New Years Day) we laid and talked while people left, at about 2 we rejoined our group of friends which was maybe 6 people in the main room. We relaxed some more and talked. I wasn't feeling too bad. Usually after I roll, I feel horrid. Like a zombie, I was tired but not at all like I usually feel, so I was happy.<br>
<br>
I did have to drive home though at around 5 p.m. My drive home takes about an hour and twenty minutes. Once I started driving, the sun was going down, I realized that I was still being effected by the acid. I missed my exit onto the highway, not even realizing it until 20 minutes later when I suddenly snapped out of my daze and noticed that I had just been driving aimlessly. I turned around and got onto the highway, peoples tail lights were twice the size normal, looking like two red glowing eyes on the backs of cars. The horizon and tree wriggled all around. Concentrating was exhausting.<br>
<br>
<span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br>
<br>
I got home and took a nap before having to go to work in a few hours at 12 am that night, by then I was feeling okay still tired and a bit drained though.<br>
<br>
Overall I would say my experience with candy flipping was positive. While I was rolling, I felt absolutely amazing. It was intense and beautiful and I would definitely do it again. But I would definitely like to try acid on its own, with maybe just a couple friends. I would like to know exactly what effect the acid has on me and be in a more comfortable relaxed non-party atmosphere upon trying it.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 83140</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 25, 2013</td><td>Views: 17,739</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=83140&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=83140&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Multi-Day Experience (13), Large Group (10+) (19)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">6 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">vaporized</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It all started one night, I was alone in my house in San Diego. It was 2 AM, but I wasn't tired or sleepy. So I decided to watch a movie, and what better way to enhance movie watching than a vaporizer and weed? I took a few hits, then took a few more. Very soon I was completely baked and dousing myself in a world of interesting and trippy thoughts. It was very enjoyable. And then, suddenly, out of nowhere, it hit me.
<br>
<br>
The image of a circle appeared in front of me. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen in my life. It was immediately followed by a feeling of certain understanding of the workings of the universe. I felt absolutely disgusted; I wish I photographed my expression at the moment. Within the circle I saw the true meaning of time, eternity, and the horrifying, cyclical nature of the universe. My jaw dropped, my eyes were filled with terror, and I was completely motionless. I contemplated suicide.
<br>
<br>
A period of time passes (I'm not exactly sure how long, I had lost track of time) and I had calmed down slightly, but still had the horrifying ideas (which I will go into in a bit) in my head. I looked back at the movie that was playing, but simply could not appreciate the film whatsoever; every time I focused on the movie, I would notice how fake everything is, and that societal values are illusions constructed from human evolution. I tried to force myself to sleep, in desperate hopes that I would forget everything. I did...
<br>
<br>
...until a month later. Myself and a friend of mine decided to take half a dose of LSD one evening. Neither of us hallucinated or anything, but probably because we didn't take a full dose and LSD requires a certain threshold to actually work. Anyhow, it was a fun experience that lasted until ~3 AM. He went to bed, and I decided to take out my vape and smoke some weed. I went back into my room and took out my laptop, in preparation to read about Plato (I had been very interested in Greek philosophy). After maybe 5 minutes or so, the haunted thoughts I had experienced a month ago mysteriously returned to me. It was traumatizing.
<br>
<br>
I imagined that the human race, like all previous organisms, would destroy itself eventually. Culture constantly pressures competition, and the desires for greed and uniqueness would eventually cause world wide depression, and then insanity. The worst part of it all is, such a fate would recur over and over, from an eternity, to an eternity. I understood why I was so terrified of the circle. It represented the universe, and the idea of eternal recurrence, which is the idea that the universe is stuck in an endless loop, has always been, and will always be. It was originally popularized by Friedrich Nietzsche.
<br>
<br>
Basically, eternal recurrence logically made sense, because, given a finite amount of constantly rearranging matter, and an endless amount of time, the matter would eventually be arranged in every possible configuration, an infinite number of times. Eternal recurrence implies that humans have existed countless times before in the past, and will exist countless times again in the future, once it inevitably destroys itself.
<br>
<br>
Imagine a sphere, and a line that travels around the sphere randomly, and infinitely. Would it not cross every path, make every turn, and arrive at every point an infinite number of times?
<br>
<br>
As I mentioned earlier, Friedrich Nietzsche was the original 'father' of this theory. He wrote several books on eternal recurrence, but simply reading a lengthened summary of Thus Spoke Zarathustra made me rather nervous. I won't go into detail but basically, Nietzsche believes that humanity is only a step in a pre-designed evolutionary chain. He thinks that once humans truly grasp the undeniable concept of eternal return, the vast majority of them will shrivel away in depression and insanity. True understanding of eternal return will become the evolutionary factor deciding the next step of where life goes. Nietzsche calls the next step the Overman, which is an advanced version of the modern man that is able to not only accept, but embrace the idea of eternal return, and embrace the fact that every hour, every minute, every second, every one-millionth of a second, in the long run, will last an eternity. Every possible outcome of a person's life, of humanity, and of the universe will last an eternity.
<br>
<br>
Reading about Nietzsche's philosophy was very disturbing for me, because prior to this I had never thought about the universe this way before. I was alone, and the visions that came to me seemed external; I had never really studied philosophy or the idea of eternal return. Nietzsche said to truly grasp eternal return would, to any human being, 'horrifying and paralzying' and says that 'its burden is the heaviest weight imaginable.' I seemed to have felt the exact same way.
<br>
<br>
Anyway, after witnessing these ideas in my head, I began repeating to myself the phrase 'Constantly forced to destroy themselves.' By themselves, I meant life in every form--cells which gave rise to animals, which gave rise to humans, which will give rise to the Overman. Each one is destined to meet its maker and perish, and the cycle will repeat endlessly. I probably repeated this phrase over and over for an hour or so. By now it was probably 6 or 7 AM, and I still couldn't get myself to sleep. I tried watching TV shows to take my mind off of it, but to no avail. My brain was so traumatized by what it had seen, it simply refused to leave it alone. For a while, I thought maybe I would be stuck in that miserable state forever.
<br>
<br>
My insomnia lasted till the next day. I was so depressed the next day, I didn't talk to anyone. I just sat in my room contemplating eternity and the eternal apocalypse. My roommates tried to cheer me up with video games, but I just didn't have the stomach for it. I also didn't have the stomach for food. I ended up not eating for over 30, and not sleeping for over 50 hours.
<br>
<br>
I'm currently fairly recovered from that trauma. I've been able to reconnect with friends and family, but I still feel a looming uncertainty in my head at all times, haunting me. It was the scariest experience of my life, but what's more disturbing to me, is that the ideas seemed simply undeniable.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 83238</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 27, 2013</td><td>Views: 5,246</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=83238&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=83238&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Hangover / Days After (46), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">35 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/methoxetamine/">Methoxetamine </a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2ci_nbome/">25I-NBOMe</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">150 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 10:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/clonazepam/">Pharms - Clonazepam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">165 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Precursor: I have used many substances multiple times and in varying doses in the past, including: LSD, mushrooms, various 2C-X, ketamine, MXE, MDMA, methylone, opioids, amphetamines, and DMT (once).
<br>
<br>
I am not trying to write an intricately detailed trip report. Rather than give a minute-to-minute report, I will touch on main points and feelings.
<br>
<br>
Setting + Mindset: It was early evening after I had come home from work (I live in a house with my mother and a younger sister). I currently work in retail, which I am quite unhappy with based on pay/hours/customer service. I was tired and in relatively low mood after just completing an 8-day work shift.
<br>
<br>
Preparation: None. I hadn't eaten anything for at least 24hrs prior.
<br>
<br>
T: 0:00: At about 6pm, I ingested an oral dose of MXE. Speculating is irresponsible, and I did not measure, however based on past measurements and how much material I had left, it was between 25-40mg. I laid down in my darkened bedroom for a couple of hours, mostly resting and having mild introspection about my job and my future.
<br>
<br>
T+ 2:00: I was mostly down/had small lingering effects from the MXE when I decided to dose 2 blotters; 1mg of 25i and 150ug of LSD; sublingually and simultaneously.
<br>
<br>
Effects:
<br>
<br>
After about 25 minutes, I started to feel the come up. During the come up, which lasted approximately 30-40 minutes, I had very strong sexual feelings. For the sake of good taste I will not be too graphic, but during the come-up, sex &amp; videos on my TV was all I was focused on. After I was able to climax, sex didn't enter my mind for the rest of the experience.
<br>
<br>
During the come-up, I also noticed very strong waves in my peripheral vision. Colors on my large plasma television were greatly intensified. I was able to put on some episodes of the cartoon Archer, as I sometimes like viewing animation during psychedelic trips.
<br>
<br>
Strangely, when I was watching the television, the videos remained in focus, however when looking around, the strength of the waves in my vision made it hard to recognize my room. Colors were very intense and bright. I also experienced frequent small, bright specks/flashes of light in my vision without any source.
<br>
<br>
At times, the visuals became overwhelming and I felt exhausted, so I laid spread-eagle on my floor with my eyes closed. I felt like I was able to move, however I just laid still for 30+ minutes. There were some CEVs; some strong but not quite as intense as what I've previously experienced on high doses of mushrooms. However, I had stimulating full-body sensations, and at certain points, I felt as if I was no longer in my body. This feeling would go away whenever I opened my eyes.
<br>
<br>
I eventually decided to go to the kitchen to get something to eat. Stopping in the bathroom to look in the mirror was a very strange experience. At this point, my vision was one big wave. I recognized myself as a person, but not quite as me. I also had 2-3 second tracers, where I would move something or wave my arm, and then see the same motion happen again seconds later.
<br>
<br>
I did manage to grab some food from the kitchen, but it was quite difficult to eat without making a mess considering my hand-eye coordination was so heavily compromised. When closing my eyes so as to not focus on the visuals, it seemed my sense of touch, taste, and hearing were relatively normal.
<br>
<br>
I had some of what was left over from a grocery store rotisserie chicken, and when I stopped to look at some of the remains rather than just feeling and eating by touch, the remains appeared to grow in front of me and form some new living creature.
<br>
<br>
T+ 6:00: I noticed a clock in my kitchen; it was 3.5 hours since I ingested the 25i and LSD. I decided I would go outside to see what it would be like. Stepping out my backdoor onto a small open patio, I became disoriented. Everything was a wavy blur, and I would think I'd take 2 steps, but yet looking back at the door, it seemed as if I was 15 feet away. Looking over towards a neighbors' house, they had a floodlight on. It seemed as if it was a fast moving, undulating lighthouse, with the lights' brightness and motion constantly shifting and flowing over the grass and trees.
<br>
<br>
One aspect that I was surprised with during this whole experience was my headspace; I never felt euphoric, anxious, or scared. I just thought of how our personal perception as humans is our own personal reality; two small substances was enough to completely change how light effected my eyes and how/what I was seeing, and I thought of what reality could actually be like, or even if there really is one <i>true</i> reality, when not viewed through human perception.
<br>
<br>
T+ 8:00: I felt as if I had come down even though I still had moderate OEVs; this was just in comparison to the spectacular visuals I had earlier. At this time, I laid in bed and spent some time viewing different desktop backgrounds from my computer on my television. They were still much more colorful than normal, and still undulating as if they were animated.
<br>
<br>
T+ 8:30: I turned off my equipment and tried to sleep. I'm usually completely down from 25i after about 6 hours, but I still had some CEVs and strange thoughts occurring, which I believe was from the LSD. One interesting aspect that occurred is that I would often <i>think</i> of a huge range of auditory notes, ranging from lows to highs in strange orders, without actually hearing them from any external source.
<br>
<br>
T+ 10:30: At 4:30 am, approximately 8 hrs after the 25i/LSD ingestion, I took 2mg of klonopin to help me sleep.
<br>
<br>
Overall, I have never had a stronger visual experience on any other drug or combination of drugs. Interestingly, my headspace remained relatively calm and neutral throughout the entire experience, with almost no deep emotional introspection. There appears to be a huge synergy between 25i and LSD, and I believe the MXE beforehand played a role in the experience. I have had no after effect from the experience, aside from feeling lethargic the next day, most likely due to the large clonazepam dose.
<br>
<br>
I wouldn't suggest this combination except that I already had experience with and knew how I react to different doses of 25i, LSD, and MXE beforehand. Otherwise, this could have been a very difficult experience.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 100656</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 28, 2013</td><td>Views: 7,816</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=100656&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=100656&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Methoxetamine (527), 25I-NBOMe (542), OBE (332) : Combinations (3), Hangover / Days After (46), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Author's Note
<br>
<br>
It should be noted that several stages overlapped and intertwined, and this should not be seen as a strict chronological ordering of the events, nor should a described 'stage' be seen as an exclusive event unaffected or unrelated to the other 'stages.' While certain periods of the trip were marked by specific characteristics, short-term memory was heavily affected for the majority of the trip (though the trip as a whole remains very clear in my mind). Restlessness and an inability to concentrate were also constant symptoms. The initial stages were marked by intense excitement and energy, while the later stages tended to be more clear-headed and somber as they tapered out into sobriety.
<br>
<br>
Ingestion
<br>
<br>
I, along with seven others, ingested the acid around midnight. I took two hits, which it turns out was likely overkill, as those who took a single hit appeared to experience effects nearly identical in nature and intensity. I ingested the acid by chewing the two pieces of blotter paper thoroughly before swallowing.
<br>
<br>
Emotional And Psychological Effects:
<br>
<br>
Euphoria: The initial effect, felt about an hour or so after ingestion, is a strong euphoria, and I find that I'm much more prone to giggling than usual. An individual who took a single hit reported no noticeable effects at this point, while I and another who had two hits make eye contact and instantly giggle.
<br>
<br>
Fizzling Out: The next stage was characterized by moments of clear-headed sobriety and clear speech that quickly dissolved (within several minutes, perhaps no more than a minute) into illogical thoughts and mindless babble, which I described as 'waves of feeling like a 4-year old.' While this retrogression was at first unavoidable, we later found that, with intense concentration, we were able to maintain the clear-minded state for much longer. We were eventually able to maintain this state indefinitely, save for occasional explosions of excitement that caused us to momentarily revert to an illogical state.
<br>
<br>
Collective Emotions: The first few hours of the trip were characterized by intense excitement. While the ego persisted, emotions were shared at the group level. Conversations filled with fits of laughter grew in intensity until they peaked, and an 'excitement explosion' occurred, which I likened to a 'joy grenade', as these eruptions cause so much excitement that the group instantly scattered, as if a grenade had been thrown in the center of our group. After such an explosion, it was extremely difficult to recall the cause of all the excitement, and it was as if we rebooted. Triggers for these explosions included a metal tub we had been joking about falling from the wall, and me jumping atop a chair during a conversation. This pure emotional empathy was also noticeable as I traveled between smaller groups, feeling myself drawn in to the given emotion of that group, be it the somber and depressing mood of a friend who was struck with the meaninglessness of existence, or the tranquility felt by those listening to Marley in a room with the lights off.
<br>
<br>
A Very Long Conversation About Nothing: This stage was characterized by a feeling similar to having something on the tip of one's tongue. Instead of searching for a word we understood but could not vocalize, we were wracking our brains in an attempt to complete the statement 'acid is...' Another accurate analogy is trying to solve a puzzle. Due to the destruction of our short-term memory, as well as the wide range of experiences evidenced by this writing, we were never able to come to a conclusion. This search seemed to be the focus of our conversations for some time, and the end result was a very long conversation about nothing. It may well be that the acid simply created a mental clog that we were trying to work our way around, and there was no real question or solution.
<br>
<br>
Communication Breakdown: We realized the unimportance of the topic and content of our conversations, and understood conversation as a much more basic and primal thing, existing to build social bonds between hairless apes. As I stood watching the other members of the group interact with one another, their words faded out and I felt like a scientist watching monkeys, who chattered to one another because they are wired to be social mammals (it was also quite evident who the talkative 'leader' types were, and who preferred to listen). I simplified the feeling as 'I am a human. Interacting', the analogy being simple robots using the simple command prompt 'interact' with one another. During this stage we would often begin sentences, realize the irrelevance of what we had planned to say, and trail off into 'blah blah blah'- or 'yadda yadda'-type vocalizations. Interestingly, the other members understood, and treated the sentences as if nothing were amiss.
<br>
<br>
Hivemind: While we had previously experienced emotions shared by the group as a whole, it was not until later that the ego truly ceased, and the feeling of individuality was dramatically lessened. It was as if our brains, being closed circuits, had linked up and formed a continuum. I felt acid had reverted our minds to a more basic, pure state, unadulterated by the unimportant bits that describe an individual. I felt that our identity was now at the level of the group, rather than the individual, similar to how a colony of ants might be more accurately described as the basic entity, as opposed to any specific ant. When I found a cup of sweet tea in the kitchen, I realized I had personally not poured it, but felt as though I was but an extremity of a whole organism, and 'whose' tea it was was a nonsensical question, as 'we' had poured it and 'we' were consuming it. All this is not to say that we had reached complete ego death or lack of all individuality. For example, we retained our own personal musical interests, but due to the intense empathy we chose a very neutral music to listen to so as not to favor one's interests over another's. Due to this being my own subjective account, I cannot with complete certainty say that everyone felt as connected to one another as I did, so it is possible that their experience varied from mine, and the hivemind did not extend beyond my own.
<br>
<br>
The Marley Room: We turned off the lights and put on a Bob Marley &amp; The Wailers album in the den, effectively creating a separate world filled pleasant vibes and no worries. While in this room I felt as if I were truly living for the first time, as my mind was absent of thoughts not pertaining to the emotion and enjoyment of the present. Due to my inability to concentrate or stay immobile for very long, I traveled between this room and the rest of the house. However, when I moved to another room and spoke to those in other rooms, the euphoric vibes remained in the den (due to the external conditions in the room), and I returned to a somber state. I immediately forgot the room, had I not I would have immediately returned, but I was drawn in if passing by. Whenever I returned to the room it became evident that I would be living in the moment and riding the emotional waves around me regardless of where I was, and I could either choose to endure a somber, almost depressing state, or make the most of the present and enjoy the moment fully in our own paradise, removed from the rest of the world. As a note, we listened to the album repeatedly throughout the night, never changing the music.
<br>
<br>
Obsessed With Cleaning: While Marley was playing in the other room, I was often elsewhere in the house, intensely obsessed with cleaning. This is not to say that acid causes one to enter a cleaning frenzy, but that it amplified my latent worries and stress and, due also in part to the hyperactivity it could often create, caused me to become irrationally focused with keeping the house clean. This is because I was the host, my clean-freak father returning in a few days, and nine individuals in your house tripping on acid can create a bit of a mess, which I was eventually responsible for cleaning. The focus, dedication, and thoroughness with which I cleaned was quite similar to how Adderall or a similar amphetamine might cause me to compulsively clean, though I felt worry, stress, and responsibility as opposed to the enjoyment amphetamines give to this mundane task.
<br>
<br>
Beyond the very early stages, acid did not affect how clearly I was able to think, and I felt very much like myself. However, in the later stages this sober-mindedness was particularly keen, so much so that I even felt more sober and clear-headed than I feel when actually sober. I saw myself, life, those around me and their interactions in a very objective and unemotional way, far removed from the intense emotion felt at the beginning of the trip. I was a mammal who ingested a substance that affected the chemical pathways of my brain, producing novel affects. Life had no real meaning and our actions, decisions, and conversations were entirely unimportant, as were we, being strings of organic molecules. These were not necessarily negative things, they were simply objective observations that were not, and could not be, positive or negative. These were beliefs that I do actually hold, and though I had believed them before this trip, I had not fully realized or evaluated them. On a normal day, one often has much in their mind, mostly useless information and thoughts that clutter the brain while we run, to some degree, on autopilot. However, that night I felt as if the autopilot was off, my mind was crystal clear, and I saw the world around me in a much more objective and impersonal way. It should be noted that, as this was near the end of what I would define as the 'trip', it may be that it was not a true stage of the experience, but rather sobriety budding through the lingering effects of the acid. It should also be noted that I felt like an objective observer at other points in the night, points at which others were having a very emotionally-driven experience.
<br>
<br>
In Conjunction With Marijuana
<br>
<br>
Though we smoked many, many blunts throughout the night, the marijuana never caused me to feel any different than I had before we smoked. It was as though the acid trumped any effect the weed might have had, and thus the blunts were unable to produce any noticeable effect. This persisted well into the following day, long after the effects of the acid had last been felt. Interestingly, while another member was as unaffected by the marijuana as I was, several members were able to get high by noon the following day. The number of acid hits taken appeared to be unrelated to whether or not one could feel the effects of marijuana at this point. As a side note, unrelated to the combination of the two drugs but relevant to the effects of the acid, we expressed little concern over whose turn it was to hold the blunt, as well as a lack of concern over the ownership of the several bags of weed present at the house. Our attitudes toward this otherwise precious commodity can best be summed up as rather communist.
<br>
<br>
Visuals
<br>
<br>
Visual hallucinations were more minimal than expected, though I suspect I could have experienced more visuals had I tried. Most members of our party reported no visuals at all. I've found it's easiest to experience visuals in dimly-lit environments, as your mind has to do more guesswork with what exactly you're looking at. Other than some minor, standard growth/pulse type visuals (where objects and surfaces appear to be expanding, or moving towards/receding away) my hallucinations were limited to the following three experiences:
<br>
<br>
Dancing With The Christmas Tree: While staring at the strangely-lit Christmas tree, ornaments and limbs swayed heavily, as if affected by a strong breeze. I realized I could control how the tree contorted by bending my arms and body while standing in front of it, and likely made a fool of myself by dancing with a tree in my living room.
<br>
<br>
Tracing: While a friend spoke to me, he made various gestures with his arms. Every time his arms moved, I saw trails that traced the paths his arms had taken. These trails were so pronounced, constant, and distracting, that I asked him to keep his arms still while speaking, as frankly it was making me uncomfortable.
<br>
<br>
Paint Simmer: While sitting in the kitchen, I began to stare at a paint stain on my jeans. The stain began to contort, melt, and generally change size and shape. The effect was similar to mirage water on a hot roadway.
<br>
<br>
Physical Effects:
<br>
-dryness of the mouth
<br>
-tension in neck and shoulders
<br>
<br>
Some Notes from a First Time User:
<br>
<br>
-Our blotter paper wasn't a vibrantly-colored image of a cartoon character, but came on a standard note card.
<br>
<br>
-The effects weren't immediate, and took an hour or two to set in.
<br>
<br>
-Remaining in a comfortable place to trip once we took the acid was important. Tripping out behind the wheel of a car was something we were happy to avoid.
<br>
<br>
-Being cool on acid in public situations and around the general populace weren't as easy as I'd thought.
<br>
<br>
-We took it at midnight, stayed up through the night, and had obligations the next day that definitely were not as pleasant as sleep would have been.
<br>
<br>
-We were a bit compulsive with our smoking, and subsequently wasted a lot of weed that could have actually got us high on another day.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 83142</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 15, 2013</td><td>Views: 4,240</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=83142&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=83142&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 joints/cigs</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 joints/cigs</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">75 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It all started out on a beautiful sunny morning in the fields and forests of a psychedelic festival somewhere in the middle of Europe. I woke up under our camp's shade structure next to the embers of yesterday’s bonfire wrapped in my blanket. I was warm and comfortable but felt fresh and awake from the cool morning breeze. I had decided last night that if I felt well rested I would shower, prepare well and take one blotter of LSD during the noon. Some of my favorite music would be playing later on the main stage and I got up immediately and started rolling two joints for availability during the trip, psyched about dancing and strolling about in the beautiful weather all day. Also, a lot of my new and old friends from camp would be taking MDMA that day, which made the whole idea seem even more attractive.
<br>
<br>
I rounded up some additional supplies and got in what I knew from last year's festival would be an ice cold jolt of a shower. I got through it and felt cool – both thermally and mentally – and relaxed as I put the blotter on my tongue outside the showers. I had bought the blotter yesterday from a woman who had dropped by our camp. She seemed experienced and her appearance was that of a genuine hippie, draped in turquoise sheets with braided and dreaded hair. She also held some DMT which she offered to sell me but I decided the time and place was not right for that experience. As I was packing my bag outside the shower area, a very warm and friendly guy managed to convince me more or less instantaneously to buy a cup of coffee from him which I used to wash down the dissolved paper in my mouth. I walked slow-paced towards the main stage without a single worry in my mind ready for whatever the universe might offer.
<br>
<br>
At the main stage mellow progressive psy-trance was playing and lots of people were dancing in the open field enjoying the sun and the music. I could not find my friends from camp but after looking around for a few minutes, I found some German people I had met on the train on the way to the festival. I sat down and chatted with them for a while as the effects began to take hold. The conversation was mainly centered around how fantastic it was to be at the festival which was fine. But after some amount of time, I decided it felt more right to find my friends from camp. I left my bag with J and went looking.
<br>
<br>
On the dance floor people were beginning to take on a green and purple shade and a lizard like quality. I recognize it from the last and only acid trip I had had before – last year at the same festival – and felt comfortable with its presence. Suddenly someone pokes my shoulder. I turn around and can hardly believe my own eyes. It's K, a girl I camped with last year and also took acid with. I look at her for what seems like half a minute before I decide that it's actually her. She is wearing a blue scarf as a turban and orange shirt. We hug and I ask her what her plans are for the day. She says she's taken acid not too long ago. I tell her I just did the same and we agree on that being an extremely cool situation.
<br>
<br>
K is from a country near my own where they speak a language very similar to my own so I can understand everything she says which is very practical. The downside is it's not completely mutual. In fact, not at all. I thus spent a large portion of last year's festival speaking a freakish blend of my own language and hers. This put a bit of a dent in the chrome of our closeness of friendship bumper – whatever that means – but we still got along well after a while. All in all, it was really cool seeing her again. She currently was not living in her country of origin but in another European country from which she had brought friends to camp with. She took me to meet them and we exchanged some words before we all parted. I went to find the rest of my friends but could not locate them anywhere. I mingled chaotically for a while with the Germans and some random people from the dance floor before I bumped into K again. It felt comfortable hanging out with her as though she was sort of anchor-like in the trip. We decided to stick together for a while and we went to tell her friends. Afterwards we found the rest of my group which were struggling a bit with the beginning phase of MDMA.
<br>
<br>
We danced for a while before deciding it was time to get away from the dance floor. We started walking away from the main stage. We went past the toilets and towards the horizon. I asked if she knew where we were going and she said she didn't know. I suggested we were heading into the unknown for a cosmic adventure and that we definitely were heading the right way. She agreed with both the direction and theme and seemed as amused as I did.
<br>
<br>
We followed a long and sleek grassy field stretching wavingly into the distance. Along the field lay hay bales scattered randomly and well spread. Under the large blue enveloping sky, the landscape took on an unmistakable cosmic, planet in a solar system in a galaxy somewhere in space-quality. We talked about how we were out strolling on a planet in space in a giggly tone agreeing about our location. The lingual barrier was held in shock by juggling words and sentences in English and our own two languages. Conversation was flowing better than last year. At least there were no 'Me saying a long sentence in my language, her smiling politely saying OK, me rephrasing in freaky-blend, her replying: Ahaaa..'-moments – which I kept waiting and waiting and waiting for.
<br>
<br>
Further into the field stood a single tree artistically placed to the side of the center. Some people were sitting under it and we pondered on joining them but decided not to as it felt more right to continue. We walked past it and K started telling me about the trip she had had with us last year. She had apparently had a paranoid and shitty time together with my other friend who was certain she was attempting to poison him with a banana which he refused to take more than a few bites from. She was also certain me and the others were having bad trips even though we were having the time of our lives basking in the sun like children of the universe in a ravishingly beautiful garden. I laughed hard at this and she seemed to find it funny as well. She explained to me she had always wanted to take a trip with someone from her own country so she could speak unconstrained with them. We figured this was the closest she would get. I guess the day of the poison banana didn't count. Also funny.
<br>
<br>
We got further and further away from the festival until there were no sounds but the orchestra of nature – the wind gently stroking the grass and the insects going about their business. It truly felt like a remote corner of the world and I suggested that if we reached the end of the field there would be some kind of never ending sea consisting of wheat or corn. Walking barefoot in the grass with our relaxing festival clothes also gave the experience of remoteness a 60's hippie-quality. The fact that we weren't going to go on to find out if our infinite cosmic sea would reveal itself to our hippie party of two. Instead we sat down uncomfortably for a while and made a ridiculously poor attempt at climbing a hill to the side of the field before deciding it was hot and time to smoke a joint and then go back. As we had a joint but no lighter we went back.
<br>
<br>
About half-way on the way back we came to the tree. From a distance there appeared to be no-one sitting there to our mild disappointment. But as we closed in on it the movement of an arm unveiled itself. A person was sitting there! We arrived at the tree and sat down. It was a guy in his 20s. I can no longer recall his name but he was slender and relaxed and not tripping at the moment. We borrowed his lighter and shared the pre-manufactured spliff I carried with me. The shade was cool and comforting and the branches arching over us touching the ground in front of us gave the sense of being entangled in nature. It was a good and true feeling.
<br>
<br>
As we sat there silently a small gray butterfly appeared in front of me and flapped around in a periodic pattern fearlessly near my body. I extended my finger and it landed gently on the tip of it. It was completely gray with two blue dots on it’s wings, had a long thin trunk and two large black eyes. It was something completely out of this world and truly marvelous to behold. It sat there for close to a minute before I turned my head to K and said: 'IT KNOWS.' She laughed and agreed. The butterfly flapped off and sat down again for another minute or so before it left permanently. I felt touched by nature and at peace with the world. We moved on.
<br>
<br>
Closing in on the festival, K explained she needed to attend the – insert funny alliteration word here. I said something like: The what? We figured out what she meant. It was the toilets. I fortunately only had to pee and was relieved I didn't have to lock myself in a small, clammy and blue cubic room scented with dung. I wished her an interesting experience. We parted and I climbed the hill near the toilets to relieve my bladder. Well up and partly hidden away I found myself having a lot of time to think. As my ray hit the ground I saw the light of the surrounding grass and their fibers connecting me to the mysterious conundrum of being in a loop that went back into it by means of my urine and how this all was resting in the cradle that is my mind. It was a wholesome experience and had me think of how I often end up finding solutions to math and various logic problems in school when performing this activity. One of those psychological-link moments LSD has to offer, I guess.
<br>
<br>
When I got back K and I laid down on the grass for a while on the hill I just came down from and looked at the sky. Concepts like time, self and soul were all weaved into the swirly hallucinations the clouds gave off. We looked at them for a 'long time' before I turned to K and said: 'So...you seeing those clouds?' She said: 'Yep', clearly approving of their immensity. Afterwards we went to the main stage and danced for a while in front of some garbage bags, moved, and then danced some more. K wanted to find her friends whom she was actually tripping with in the first place to confirm that they were ok with her just taking off leaving them in the absence of her company. She went off to find them, got the confirmation and came back. We went to get something to drink and afterwards go to the garden where the banana poisoning attempt had taken place last year.
<br>
<br>
In the line, we amused ourselves with contemplating what to buy. We decided unanimously that a peach ice tea and a beer would be in interesting combo. I was given the task of ordering. I fumbled and couldn't get any contact with the staff behind the counter. K sarcastically: 'Well, this isn’t going very well, is it?' I laughed and jumped eagerly at the challenge. I acquired the goods and said: 'Pft, no prob.' The beer was, to say the least bubbly. I had expected drinking beer while on acid to be more like seeping the juice running from overfilled garbage bags but this was really something! The first thought that came to mind was a Japanese beer commercial with extremely exaggerated lights of a guy surfing on a wave of beer in a cartoon-like fashion winking after killing the beer wave with his surfboard. Fresh, bubbly and full of light and life. I explained this to K. She seemed to understand what I meant. We were still in the same world, place, surroundings – call it what you want – where you only have to wink to communicate the most complex notions of experience. We sat down in the wrong place for a while and then headed for the garden.
<br>
<br>
At the garden we looked for the right place to sit down. And found a wooden structure made of branches and trunks that looked like a boat flipped upside down. I fished out a pre-rolled joint and didn't light it as I had no lighter. I asked a group of people sitting a few meters away if they had a light. They were eating. Really, really eating. One of the guys was clearly attempting to merge with all existing matter by means of his mouth. I explained my perplexity towards them with the fact that they were really eating. They didn't seem to catch on so I went back and sat down with K to share the joint.
<br>
<br>
After smoking it we found a little swing attached to a tree which I sat down on. The sun was shining idyllically through the trees like sunlight only shines while you're on acid. I swung back and forth. We made funny faces at each other, filling our cheeks with air, doing weird moves with our eyebrows. The works. It was amusing as fuck. The hallucinations were a bit more intense than before and objects were shrinking and growing at the same time, differently and on all scales. The only good comparison is how the road grows when the black knights close in on Frodo in the first Lord of The Rings movie. It was like the ultimate funny face-off thinking back at it now, but at the moment it was just free, unhindered fun. I peeked at K with a clever look as though I had just had a great idea about what to do next while climbing off the swing – which I had. I sat down right in front of her continuing the funny face-off which was now of course more intense. She did a face where she appeared to be saying hello with her eyes. I noticed how beautiful she was sitting there in the middle of the world we were destined to live in. A world weaved by minds unfolding themselves into nature bringing itself to send me into my life into this very moment of experience in the middle of whatever is out there. A moment of pure and lighthearted face-making fun with a beautiful and cool person. The massiveness of how simple beauty can be shot through me like only that experience could and I couldn't hold my tears back. I cried and laughed at the same time. K started crying and laughing too and said: 'Noo! Why are you crying? Now I've started crying too!' It didn't feel like it needed and explanation at the time. I also decided not to give her the slightest idea that I was hitting on her by telling her she had taken on the role of human incarnation of beauty, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. Thinking back on it now it seems absurd. She would probably just have been flattered, but that's not how I think when I'm tripping. Scenarios tend to appear in causal chains of three or more parts. Often ten, relating back to my childhood in a train of thought capable of gathering a substantial amount of convincing cosmic momentum.
<br>
<br>
After the most emotional moment of my life, or before, whichever it was, hard to remember when beauty bends time and space, two naked children, a boy and a girl, playing in the sunlight came up to the swing. The sun was shining on their bodies and they looked absolutely unreal. There is no word to describe how I felt observing the boy trying to explain something to the girl in gibberish baby language and rapid child like body language that hadn't been fine tuned over the years like the motoric system of an adult. I made an attempt anyway and said to K after they had left: 'Well, there's only one word for that – break – WOW.' 'Yeah. That was the right word', she chuckled.
<br>
<br>
We got up, left the garden and went back to the main stage where I rolled a terrible joint. We smoked it, hugged, and parted. I won't be forgetting that day anytime soon.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 92563</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 31, 2013</td><td>Views: 3,672</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=92563&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=92563&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
My friend and I ingested two tabs of acid each while waiting for the bus. The bus came about 5 minutes later. About 10 minutes into our trip, everything started to seem strange and my teeth began feeling like they didn’t belong in my mouth. 15 minutes into our trip, still on the bus, people’s faces maintained their shapes and colors but I was much less afraid to look at people and began to try to figure them out based solely on their actions, dress, and posture.
<br>
<br>
At this point, about 20 minutes in, the world was taking on another dimension. I was far more aware of people’s actions and motives than I’d ever been. I noticed every look, every gesture. Many faces seemed distracted. I felt more able than ever to detect emotion. Fear was prevalent. The urban atmosphere took on an ugly, gas stained look. The sidewalk seemed dirtier than ever.
<br>
<br>
One man passed me. He had yellow, sallow skin with strange blue eyes and fanged teeth. His bizarre appearance almost made me wonder if he was a vampire but I quickly dismissed the idea and kept walking.
<br>
<br>
My friend and I finally went into an art museum that we’d planned to visit for some time. We went inside, paid our money and wandered into a gallery. At this point, it was as if I had entered an alternate dimension. Every surface moved and shifted and as I walked into the gallery it was as if I was walking into a liquid room.
<br>
<br>
First, we stood in front of some 300-400 year old Italian drawings done in an intricate crosshatching pattern. They came alive on paper and suddenly shapes hidden within the crosshatching were apparent. The arms of the figures moved as did the heads. It was bizarre and striking. The intensity and passion of the drawings were much more easily felt. I suddenly realized that the intricate style of crosshatching displayed was, sadly, a lost art.
<br>
<br>
We walked over to a series of woodcuts done by a Japanese artist who captured the ocean’s waves almost perfectly. It was hard to tell for a while that the woodcuts were not pictures. Interestingly, these waves did not move or undulate as the Italian paintings did.
<br>
<br>
Next up were psychedelic stripes and patterns drawn in a large scale on the walls of a particular gallery. I was entranced and mesmerized by the lines, which took on a three-dimensional quality and lured me almost face first into the wall.
<br>
<br>
By the time we had seen all of that, we found that the museum security was watching us and had even sent an undercover officer to spy on us. I’m sure that we seemed strange. My friend’s nose has a tendency to sweat while he’s on acid, and both of our pupils were dilated.
<br>
<br>
We left quickly and went back out into the streets to take a bus to the beach. More than ever before, the city seemed like a large cage with nowhere to go without people. People and their presence was restricting and maddening.
<br>
<br>
The next four hours or so were spent having conversations on a long beachfront walk. I found out many things- that the universe makes no sense. That life is meaningless. That trees and people and animals and everything follow a unique fractal pattern. That people’s personalities and facades are empty. That life revolves entirely around the sun. That humans follow a much more basic primordial clock than we’d like to admit. That math is an expression of innate characteristics of the universe. That the physical universe is the only universe. That our entire thought processes, actions, and lives are governed by physical properties.
<br>
<br>
I saw gorgeous intricate fractal patterns in almost every tree and when I looked at any smooth surface several winding and weaving fractal patterns appeared. It was spectacular. The sunset, rich with purples, pinks, and blues, looked almost like a cotton candy sculpture.
<br>
<br>
It took a while to come down from our highs, but the come down was still visually rich and I continued seeing patterns and shape shifting until about 9 hours after ingestion. LSD stimulates frontal lobe activity very much so I found sleep difficult until about 4:00 in the morning, when I finally realized that I hadn’t eaten or drank all day and was probably still awake because my body was searching for food and water.
<br>
<br>
All in all, a great trip.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68377</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 11, 2014</td><td>Views: 3,070</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68377&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68377&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Background:
<br>
<br>
Before I begin explaining the <i>most</i> amazing trip thus far in my early-adult life, I would like to give some boring yet necessary background of my previous experiences with drugs and the incredibly fortunate circumstances which I was allowed in the spring of 2010. First off, at the time of the trip I was 18 years old attending my first year of college in Oregon. I had experimented with various psychedelics, mostly the basics (LSD and Mushrooms), as well as frequent cannabis consumption, and of course a fair share of alcohol use. After finishing my second term of college with relatively stellar grades, I had miraculously convinced my parents to help pay for a plane ticket to Kauai where I would join my good friend (we'll call him J), and his family for a week long adventure on the most peaceful and beautiful places I have ever been. After doing a bit of research, J and I decided that if we could successfully pull off a two or three hit L trip that it would be a magically unforgettable experience, and furthermore an event which we may never have a chance at again. Looking back I can safely say that it was the greatest decision and most environmentally immersive experience of my life thus far.
<br>
<br>
J and I had loose plans of where and what we wanted to do for our trip but were having a very difficult time escaping from his parents for a day, this wasn't necessarily a bad thing because the days with his parents were spent in tropical forests and beautiful beaches. However, as the week slipped by we were beginning to consider the possibility of having to take the L on a day spent with his parents, brother and sister-in-law, and try to act as normally as we could. I was not very thrilled with this prospect, as one can imagine why, but J continuously tried to convince me that we could pull it off 'no problem'. I certainly had my doubts. Luckily we were able to talk his parents into letting us do our own thing for the final day on the island; boy, did we cut it close!
<br>
<br>
The night before, we scrambled to form a plan on how we wanted to spend the estimated 12-or so hour trip, as well as pack the things which we thought we may need. We decided that for the first leg of the trip we wanted to try to hike a trail, and for the second leg we wanted to be on a beach, this would allow us to <i>really</i> 'see' the multiple environments which Kauai had to share. We woke up, ate breakfast and dropped the tabs (2 each) around 9:30 a.m. I found it funny that as the blotter dissolved on our tongues we continued chatting with his family, waiting for his brother to drive us to the trail. At about 10:00 we piled into the rental car and drove the mile or so to the designated first-leg of our adventure.
<br>
<br>
Nounou Trail, 'The Sleeping Giant':
<br>
<br>
We arrived at the trail and departed from his brother. At this point neither of us was feeling anything and we agreed that it may be smart to wait at the base of the trail until we could feel the onset of a come-up. We sat in the nearly empty parking lot for a good 30-45 minutes conversing about how wonderful the vacation had been thus far, and how we were both sad we would soon have to leave paradise. We agreed that this trip would be the perfect way to commemorate our stay on the island and talked of the various things we wanted to take from our individual trips. As our conversations began its transformation from sobriety to liminality we both decided that we were beginning to feel something and that we could probably begin our hike.
<br>
<br>
For the next half hour we quickly progressed up switchback after switchback, neither of us feeling much more than a slight buzz and an increase in sensitivity to light. It was really amazing however, advancing up the giant ridge and seeing how the leap in elevation affects the atmosphere and subsequently the surrounding flora. As we climbed, the air around us slowly changed from dry and hot, to muggy and cool. This transformed the plant life around us into a much greener and tropical environment, one which you would expect to see on a Hawaiian island. As we reached the final leg of the climb I felt my mental consciousness begin to alter as each one of my thoughts would wander in a non-linear fashion; I can only describe my thought pattern as a connect-the-dots puzzle where instead of the lines following the correct numbers, they would connect randomly, flowing from one dot to the next and then back again, then to some other far-off dot then back again and so on and so forth.
<br>
<br>
It wasn't until we reached a rather curious clearing from the trail that I had my first visuals. As we strayed from the designated path and onto a rocky cliff which overlooked the east side of the island we noticed a looming rain cloud beginning to sweep over the beaches and surrounding towns. I stood amazed as the cloud tore through the landscapes at an impressive speed, and as I stared at the cloud it began to change from a dark grey color to a sandy hue and then to a very rich purple. I smiled as I knew that the L was finally taking its hold, and within seconds of this realization the cloud reached the spot where we were standing and let loose its magnificent warm rain. The leap in stimuli disoriented me for a moment as the feeling, smell and sound of the rain baffled me, and it was at this point I would safely say I began 'trippin.'
<br>
<br>
The cloud left as quickly as it arrived and we were once again left with a gloriously sunny day to continue our trip upon. We continued our trek up the mountain with the goal of the most elevated point being our destination. We had read online however that the most elevated point isn't really a part of the trail and would require a bit of climbing, and in fact had lead to the death of multiple young, able climbers. This didn't seem to faze us though as we silently blazed up the final 100 yards of the path to our highly anticipated journey's end. And <i>my god</i> was it worth it, from the highest point we had a 360 degree panoramic view of the entire island. Straight ahead was the crystal clear ocean, sandy beaches and creamy white clouds of the 'east-side,' while directly behind us was the immense green landscapes of the thick Hawaiian jungles and it's dark, looming rain clouds. I sat with my feet dangling off of a good thousand foot cliff, using a boulder as a back rest and looking out at the expansive ocean. My fear of heights was completely obliterated as I felt entirely in control of my body and environment; there wasn't a single moment where I second-guessed the intimidating height which I was exposed to. Listening to the most upbeat music I could find, my eyes gently took in the beautiful 'eye-candy' all around me as my normal fractals manifested themselves in most everything I looked at. One fractal in particular that always shows itself in my L trips is the image of a gecko with perfect symmetry up its spine. This visual always brings me pleasure because it has always been with me in all of my trips and consistently reminds me of the first trip I ever had, and notably another one of my favorites. Sitting awestruck, <i>waves</i> of euphoria engulfed my physical and mental being as I watched the magical routine of my environment working around me. I sat in wonder as the ocean birds flew with the winds in graceful arcs around the edges of the cliffs; long tracers flowing behind them like the contrails of a plane, each trail slowly dissipating after a few seconds.
<br>
<br>
The next thing I noticed was a fairly large bee clumsily battling the winds next to the boulder which I was sitting upon. I watched it fly right up next to me as if to assess whether or not I was a threat to him, apparently it thought I was, because the next thing I knew the bee was clinging to my hand and ferociously stinging me! This startled me and I quickly waved my hand to get the bee off, watching it as its lifeless body eventually fell off of the cliff, the stinger still attached to my hand. I calmly plucked off the stinger, still perplexed that I had just been attacked in such a peaceful state of mind! However, the strange part was that although I saw that I had been stung, and even looked at the stinger still in my hand, I hardly felt it at all; in fact, all I felt was a slight tingle run up my hand and arm. Although I was thoroughly enjoying my spot on the cliffs, being stung distracted me and I got up and walked over to a nearby cliff where J was sitting. We discussed the things we were seeing and how our trips were going; apparently he was hardly feeling the acid and was getting very limited visuals. J has always been a bit of a heavyweight when it comes to substances so this didn't really surprise me; however he said he was enjoying the experience thus far and we both agreed it would be a good time to begin our descent down the mountain and towards the beach.
<br>
<br>
The walk back down went very quickly as we both had immense amounts of energy and were practically flying down the path. J said that the L was now actually setting in and that he was beginning to get some discrete visuals. As we walked down the trail we discussed how difficult it would be to live on an island like Kauai which although incredibly beautiful, was too secluded from the societies on the mainland. This reminded me of my childhood town in Nevada which was about 5 hours from any other civilization and basically an island of its own. This was what drove my mom away from my father, and I had never fully understood this complex situation until then. I felt enormous amounts of empathy for my mother and knew that although her decision to leave caused a giant rift and the inevitable divorce between her and my dad that it was the only thing that could keep her happy. This also made me think of my dad who had to choose to either stay in the only home he ever knew or lose his love, his fear of branching out into unknown territory inevitably overpowered his feelings for my mom and separated them for good. This was precisely why I felt it wouldn't be healthy to only expose oneself to a single secluded environment for an entire lifetime, and that it often harbors a fear of the unknown. I felt so much love for both my mom and dad and finally understood their divorce which had always been concealed from me, and although it saddened me that they had to split up I knew that all of it was necessary for all of us to be where we were that day.
<br>
<br>
We quickly reached the trail's exit and were left with the daunting walk to the closest beach we could find. As we left the parking lot a car pulled up next to us with a man and his wife, and a child in the backseat. The man, thinking we were locals, asked us for directions to the trail, and although it was literally 30 yards from where we were standing and we had just left from there, it seemed like an incredible task to try and direct him there. On top of my already impaired state-of-mind, my brain became even more tangled when I looked in the passenger seat at the man's wife and noticed that she looked exactly like my college roommate's mom. Now to this day I don’t know if it was a hallucination or not, but I swear that Mrs. Larsen was sitting in that car trying to figure out where the trail was. This very strange occurrence was a distraction of its own, but then when I looked at the man I was thrown even further off as his face began to morph and contract in a bizarre fashion. After what seemed like an awkwardly long amount of time they went on their way towards the direction that we pointed them in and we were off once again. We walked through residential neighborhoods and then onto the busy highway which we hoped would get us to the beach. Unfortunately there were no shoulders or sidewalks and so cars zipped by us at an uncomfortably close distance. Eventually we made it off the highway and onto the quiet road that would lead us to the beach.
<br>
<br>
A Manifestation of Heaven:
<br>
<br>
When we reached the beach we took off our shoes, sunk our feet into the warm sand and headed for the end of the coast where we wouldn't run into anybody. Once we got to the end of the beach we threw off our gear and quickly made our way to the crystal blue water that had been beckoning to us all day long. The water was indescribably magnificent as I waded in to my waist and let it caress me. J and I wanted to swim but were stopped by the sharp coral which we saw lined the coast and would certainly cut up our feet if we weren't careful. So instead, we went back to our towels and laid back and relaxed.
<br>
<br>
Now at this point I thought that I was beginning to come-down, but boy was I wrong, as I began listening to music and watched the clouds slowly drift from the ocean, over our heads, and then inland, I felt myself begin to slip back into another visual and mental peak. I had never been so interested in the clouds, I watched as they slowly changed color, morphing and twisting into abstract shapes. The clouds seemed 2-d, like paper, except that there were multiple layers of the 2-d clouds, and as I stared in awe they began to shuffle like a deck of cards. These visuals were so calming; I would watch a particular cloud make its path from the ocean and over my head until I could no longer see it in my field of vision and then search for another one to look at. Every so often I would close my eyes and be welcomed by a mixture of colors and geometric shapes which looked a lot like the clouds above my head. There were multiple occasions where I would have my eyes closed and know this, but would be seeing the same images of the clouds which I had just been looking at. It looked as if I literally had my eyes open, I could see the rims of my glasses, the clouds moving overhead, the cobalt blue sky, and even the horizon of the beach out of my peripherals. This would confuse me because then I would open my eyes and see the exact same thing except with much more vivid colors!
<br>
<br>
J and I then received a call from his parents wondering where we were and hoping to come pick us up. We were both still tripping but decided that we were at a state-of-mind which was manageable and told them to come to the beach to grab us. At first it was a bit awkward being around them because I still felt pretty fucked up, but I soon got comfortable with the situation and embraced it. The rest of the evening was spent playing basketball and putt-putt golf back at the resort. After we ate dinner and J's parents went to bed, J and I went out to the beach, smoked a couple joints and watched Alice in Wonderland and drifted off into a veryyyyyyyyyyy deep sleep.
<br>
<br>
I still consider that amazing Friday in Kauai the single greatest experience of my life and wouldn't change a single thing about that day. Although the two hits weren't the best I ever had, they were perfect for the situation, which was more about being in control than tripping nuts! For anybody that has not visited Kauai, I strongly recommend it, and if you want the best view on the island go to Nounou trail, you will NOT be disappointed.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 84855</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 25, 2013</td><td>Views: 3,460</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=84855&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=84855&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">65 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
OK this is something that I wrote right after my trip. I didn't write it as a trip report, I just wanted to sum up the experience very briefly for myself to remember later. As you'll see, there isn't any mention of any specific activity or event - I am trying to analyze the internal effect of the drug.<br>
<br>
Therefore, I will give you some important background information:<br>
Set: This was about my 6th time taking acid. I'm starting to feel more comfortable with the drug each time, although there's always a lot of fear and madness during the strong trips, I see it as part of the experience, and I think I'm handling it well enough. I didn't sleep enough before tripping, and dropped at around 4:30AM, with an empty stomach and a bit tired to begin with. It's also worth noting that I've been reading Tim Leary's 'The Psychedelic Experience' and believe there's a lot of truth in it.<br>
<br>
Setting: An outdoor rave (in Israel, where I'm from) with a couple of good friends I usually drop with. A lot of strangers, a lot of mess, a lot of noise. But we have some experience with these events and we put up a good tent, places to sit, cold drinks, etc. We dropped right before sunrise and after a couple of hours it got pretty hot.<br>
Dosage: We used a very reliable blotter that's been running around in Europe for a few years, called 'Dalai Lama'. I used it a few times before, and it was always about the same potency - Strong. I gathered from a few sources that it should be around 200-250 mics, and I'm really confident it's pretty accurate, even though I'm no expert. This is my 2nd time dropping a whole 'Dalai Lama' at once. <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note:
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> <br>
<br>
Timing: I originally didn't write a timeline, because I didn't focus on it during the trip and it wasn't of great importance to me. However, as I'm turning this into a report, I will try to estimate because it might be important for some readers. but note that ALL TIME ESTIMATES ARE VERY ROUGH AND MIGHT BE COMPLETELY OFF!<br>
<br>
So, there it is, the stages of my latest LSD experience:<br>
<br>
1. [+0:30] I think I might be seeing some colours different than usual, but not sure. Perhaps thoughts start to feel a bit different, too?<br>
<br>
2. [+1:00] OK this is getting a bit more interesting. A faint vibration climbing in waves from the stomach upwards, and some visual movement trails.<br>
<br>
3. [+1:30] The vibrations get stronger. They start opening the gates of pure amazement, at times nervous psychosis. I feel the tension building up - something extremely important and dramatic is about to explode on reality. Everything I fix my eyes on would start breathing or shivering.<br>
<br>
4. [+2:00] Reality is ripping at the seams. Disintegrating. I can recognize what I'm seeing around me, but as I jitter with madness, it just FEELS like everything I've learned about the laws of reality, how things are defined, how they work, is no longer relevant. Nothing is as I thought it was, from the very basics. Time almost stops and each moment seems like the big bang in its importance and magnitude. Then restlessness. How do I deal with this?? Just keep breathing deeply and smile... Communication is, sometimes, almost impossible. Every single word has infinite meanings, and it's hard to put up a sentence that will be comprehensible to others. I start trying, but then forget basic words, and eventually can't follow my own speech. Or I do it right, but my friends completely misinterpret it.<br>
<br>
5. [+2:30] A long period of enlightenment or paranoia, immersion with experience or being completely confused by it... The present keeps trying to push its own urgency in my face. Jitter, jitter, jitter. Losing myself in my own crazy mind loops. A need to move or wander around. Keep receiving new data, new places, new new new... I don't get very strong visuals as expected. I always imagined things would change shape, distort, etc... But I get no significant visuals unless I fix my eyes on something static for a few seconds, and then I kinda zoom into the tiny details and my mind drifts into this pixelated fractal vision.<br>
<br>
6. [+5:30] At some point I know it is starting to loosen up. Everything still feels new, but not as intense, and more controllable. Then sometimes it gives me a slap in the face with brief sharp rises. But it's nice being able to grasp SOME part of reality in a calm way. Opens up doors for exploration... I can now transmit and receive so much through language. One word can be enough to convey the essence of a whole idea.<br>
<br>
7. [+8:00] Slowly, slowly, slowly, normal perception is restored. Music is still being heard differently. Bass is so important! Certain strong colours can still welcome me.<br>
<br>
8. [+12:00] Afterglow. I can now do everything I normally can, pretty much. Calm, loving, and thankful. Go to sleep (at around +22:00).<br>
<br>
9. [+36:00] Why the fuck was I so weird yesterday? How can everything be so extremely normal again?<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 96439</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 18, 2014</td><td>Views: 7,567</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=96439&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=96439&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Music Discussion (22), Nature / Outdoors (23), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.75 g</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms - P. cubensis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I would consider myself a rather experienced psychonaught, experiences ranging from dxm to pharmahuasca and just about every popular one in between. Last night a good friend of mine and I, whom I have known my literally my whole life (21) got together to take a journey into the realms. He had just under and eighth of mushrooms and I had 3 tabs of LSD, so we split both and decided a synergy would be better than eating our own separate share, and to be on the same level for sure.
<br>
We took them at around 730pm in my parents house as they had gone away for the weekend, and my house is my favorite place to journey. Having never tried this combo, thus having no idea what to expect, we waited anxiously for the Other to manifest.
<br>
After a long rant by my friend, which marked the beginning of the effects, I was almost unable to handle all of his energy, so I suggested we smoke a cigarette, some hashish, and go chill in the living room. I have never noticed how trippy wall paper is before this. For about 2 hours my eyes were absolutely glued to the incredibly lush growth swirling and blooming and growing and receding across my entire wall. It was divine. Mckenna’s idea that we are, as a human species, about to have a cosmic birth kept running through my mind as I watched these hundreds of flowers animatedly swirling and budding themselves into a frenzy. This unraveled into a vision of the absolute infiniteness of dimensions, how you can go as big or small as you want but the universe never ends. And it continues to do one thing- exactly what these flowers are doing on my wall, birth itself into existence.
<br>
As far as effects go, the LSD really seemed to overpower the mushrooms, which is unfortunate because I am partial to the spiritual wisdom that seems to be contained in the fungus. I was hoping for it to be overall less speedy, but it was perfectly enjoyable none the less. Aside from DMT, this was probably one of the most visual trips I have had, these two really synergize quite well together visually. Also, about 3 of 6 hours of this trip was spent laughing hysterically, which seemed to be more pronounced as a result of the combo.
<br>
But there were some parts of the trip, though not unbearable, that were slightly unpleasant because the ‘impending doom-ness’ I sometimes get with mushrooms, that ‘fight or flight’ stimulation, was being mixed up with the speediness of the LSD, along with the amazing visions, all of it made for a feeling of ecstasy I don’t think I’ve encountered anywhere else. It was intense, but good intense, yet almost so super duper intense and feels so good it doesn’t feel good because I need to explode right now. Kind of like that.
<br>
One of the most amazing things happened while we were sitting in my living room. My friend always talks about how visions come in waves, and I haven’t noticed it much before. But he kept calling out when the waves would begin and when they would end, and every time I found myself lost in a vision, he would say, ahhh that was a good one, just as my vision was subsiding to reality. This happened regularly throughout the night, and I am convinced there is something beyond what can be rationally explained here. A scientific explanation for this is the ‘waves’ are pharmacological; just rushes of the drug in your brain being broken down while new molecules stream in. What are the chances this would cycle simultaneously for both of us? I think its far more incomprehensible than metabolism or anything any human could put into words.
<br>
Later, when my friend left, I had an incredible experience. The countertops in my kitchen are white marble imitation, and when I gazed into this cloudy white marble pattern, literally, the universe was revealed to me. I could see the principle on which all things in existence work. I watched as this divine matrix breathed and pulsed with ever novel archetypes. I saw Michelangelo’s Sistine chapel-esque landscapes, waves, cosmic galaxies, all transforming eventually into a matrix, that, after I looked for a minute, I realized was a picture-perfect representation of a cellular matrix, but it looked like that of a plant more than an animal. I could the see the building blocks of the building blocks of the building blocks… you get the idea This was truly satisfying, and it sheds light for me on the importance of having these experiences alone, once you have enough experience, as it allows you to really dissolve more and more boundaries, falling deeper into the cosmic awareness at your own will. Other people keep you grounded, even if they are tripping. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes it isn’t.
<br>
Later in the trip, I tried getting into some yogic activities, but I couldn’t concentrate long enough. I was too stimulated. I’ve only taken LSD a few times, and I don’t ever remember being that stimulated, but I’ve found psilocybin to be sedating so, I don’t know how that worked out. Anyways, I thought I’d mention it as yoga/meditation holistic breathwork, drumming, etc is something I’ve found to be incredibly wholesome and rewarding. Any spiritual practice combined with a psychedelic is the tried and true way to have a safe, profound, meaningful experience. Archaic techniques of ecstasy I believe they are called.
<br>
Overall, I enjoy the smoothness and tranquility mushrooms provide, compared to the hyperactivity of LSD, so for next time I may try mushrooms and an ayahuasca vine. I wasn’t very pleased with the way the LSD took over the trip so to speak, but it was highly meaningful, highly enjoyable, and much needed nonetheless. If you are thinking of doing this, especially if you are limited in materials, the synergy provides a more powerful experience than either would produce alone at double the dosage. I would recommend for experienced seekers and up.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88551</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 21, 2014</td><td>Views: 3,837</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88551&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88551&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
A friend of mine had recently been talking to me about wanting to trip because he really needed a stress release from life lately, and he wanted to take a higher dose than normal because he had never really had an overly powerful trip before. Yesterday he asked me if he could come over in the evening, so I relaxed for a little bit after work in preparation and purposefully skipped dinner for the moment. After he arrived I asked him how much he wanted, and eventually I decided to cut up an unmarked ten strip so that we would each be taking about four hits. We took our doses at 6:45 PM (T+0:00). I also sent a text to X a few minutes after this telling her what I had done.
<br>
<br>
I don't recall too much about the come-up other than us listening to music, and there being a little bit of the usual anxiety that then leveled out as the trip really started to kick in. The first thing I can remember thinking about the way the trip feels is that I should put two weeks in between my trips instead of one more often; there was definitely an added feeling of profundity which I have experienced with LSD before but less so when I've already tripped recently, and since I had basically just jumped right into dosing every weekend for a little while I had forgotten how incredible it was. My friend wanted to go on a walk, but I told him he should wait for the trip to set in at least a little bit first (or, at least, that I wanted to). We mostly just kept adjusting to the altered state, smoking weed, and playing tunes for the next hour or so, until we finally decided to set out before it got too dark to make anything out outside. I remember taking a bathroom break not long before we actually headed out, and at the same time I checked my phone for the first time in a little while. X had responded a little over an hour after we dosed to ask how it was going, so at T+1:45 I gave her an update on the situation. This was not easy to do.... The visuals were making it very hard to focus on what I was doing. The one that I referenced in my message was the phone's screen turning into lots of hands (including the arms) reaching out to grab at me and keep me distracted. This was a pretty powerful and vivid hallucination for me for four hits, so I knew I was in for something good. I also briefly closed my eyes, which I hadn't really done yet, and was then greeted by three-dimensional transforming imagery of people wearing psychedelic clothing with a very royal kind of style. This caught me by surprise too since aside from these instances where I focused on something like texting or darkness, the visuals I was getting were mostly sliding surfaces and some light patterning. That would all change once we finally went outside.
<br>
<br>
As we stepped out into the night, the first thing I noticed is that I could see ghostly green people reaching around the edges of my vision trying to grab my attention; they were transparent and obviously not intensely colored, but they were extremely vivid and life-size, and since they were reaching around from behind me I was mainly seeing their upper bodies shifted to one side (waist up, mainly one of the arms). Since these perceptions were so real and yet so much just like holograms at the same time, I interpreted this to be the LSD enhancing my perception of where things *could* happen now that we were outside and exposed to the world and anyone could feasibly approach us. I also noticed that my short-term memory was becoming very poor at this time, but not enough to prevent me from thinking straight if I really had to. As we continued walking we came upon an open grass field leading to the forest near my house and the whole thing was undulating slowly but strongly like ocean waves, something that I'm quite familiar with while tripping. While walking upon the grass I actually started to see more people materializing around us walking in a group with us. This wasn't the same as the ghostly green people; I was still lucid enough to know that these people weren't actually there and their was still a slight flatness to their design despite inhabiting a 3D space, but they were vividly and accurately colored and strongly integrated into my reality. As they walked with us, I was reminded very much of lucid dreams that I've had in the past where I was traveling with a crowd. In the distance, what I could see of the forest was becoming filled with delusional imagery. There wasn't a whole lot to speak of in the way of patterns or fractals, but everything was sliding and breathing and becoming lit up with more of these vivid imaginary people running through all of the the trees. This was also very dream-like, but vibrant. Soon we came to an opening in the forest where I knew we'd be able to walk down to a spot by the creek without the dark giving us too much trouble.
<br>
<br>
When we started walking down the path I was reminded of the last time I tried to walk through this forest while tripping at night, years ago on 2C-I. I knew there was nothing in the way, but I was constantly dodging imaginary branches and webs which were hanging where I wanted to walk at all times. After what felt like a very treacherous journey, we made it down to some rocks where we sat by the water, and I pulled out the joint I had brought along with us. As we smoked the first half of it, I became acutely aware of the fact that we were in the middle of a forest at night on drugs and I had no idea what was or wasn't going on around us, which made me slightly anxious since I was supposed to be the one who *wasn't* having their strongest trip yet, though you could have fooled me.... These illusions I was getting were actually more vivid and realistic than any I had ever seen before, especially on this sort of dose of LSD. As we sat there, I was trying to pick up on some sort of consistency in the sounds I was hearing around me for reference but there didn't seem to be any. I was hearing animals and insects of all kinds surrounding us and closing in on us, as the scenery itself seemed to be doing. There were also still people visible running through the forest around us. My friend was clearly having a very good time getting lost in his experience as he seemed very euphoric and kept forgetting to smoke the joint before it went out for a while. I let him get into it for a while now and then, but I didn't want us to take too long in this spot even though it was nice because I was getting a little claustrophobic, probably just because I know much better than my friend dose the kinds of animals which generally roam this area at night. After a while when the joint went out again when it was about half way done, we decided to just keep it out for now and continue moving to a new spot. The walk back up to the edge of the forest was even more difficult than the initial walk down.
<br>
<br>
As we continued along the open path we just watched the sky and the trees for a bit, until we came upon this big bridge which leads to the other side of the creek. I've never seen this bridge as distorted as I was seeing it at this point, not nearly as much. I could see the end waving and transforming and multiplying and spinning around itself, and I could see several people appearing and disappearing at different points further down from where we were, and I was trying to tell if any of them were actually real or not, and whether or not I could see or was misinterpreting the pole at the other end of the bridge. After thirty seconds or so suddenly two people materialized within about ten feet from us and I realized that they were actually there, and they probably saw me squinting at them the whole time like I'm insane. They awkwardly said hello and we returned the favor. After we got across the bridge we came upon a pond next to a fence, and on the other side of the fence were rocks leading down to another spot by the creek. This has been a favorite spot of mine for most of my life, and I've smoked weed and tripped while sitting on those rocks several times, but never really at this late at night. As soon as I started walking on the rocks, this seemed like a challenging task. Not only was it nearly impossible to make out the incline of the top of each rock, but there were again entirely imagined branches hanging in the way, along with endless amounts of tiny mammals, insects, and snakes moving around on the ground and the rocks' surfaces. Like everything else, this was completely integrated into my perception. I hesitated for a moment, but then decided to head down anyway. We made it about maybe half way down compared to where I would normally go, and then decided that it wouldn't be too bad to just smoke right there since there was really no one else at the park anyway. As we sat down and started smoking the rest of the joint, I looked over at my friend and suddenly saw lots of other people sitting on the rocks enjoying nature with us. I was absolutely ecstatic from having all of these powerful hallucinations.
<br>
<br>
After just basking in how wonderful the wind felt and how incredible the outside world was, we got up from the rocks and traveled to our last spot, the middle of a wide open hill just around the corner from where the pond was. We lied down down in the grass for a while and just enjoyed the atmosphere some more, and I kept thinking about how I really couldn't have told you what was going on more than a few feet around us. I felt like a dream world was overtaking my normal world, and so everything outside of my own little bubble was just a hazy blend of reality and fantasy. There wasn't a whole lot to say about that part though other than that we were both feeling great, and after lying there for a while we decided that it was dark enough that we should probably just get up and head back to the house. We slowly walked back through the same path we came on, and the whole way I was still getting the feeling that we were walking in a group and I could still see the ghostly holograms reaching around the sides of my perception at all times. My friend and I just talked more about our experiences along the way, and he asked me questions about whether or not certain things he was experiencing were fairly normal (and they were).
<br>
<br>
Some time around or a little after T+3:00 we got back to the house and listened to a couple of songs, and then we decided to start watching trippy episodes of funny shows on Netflix. When we were watching Adventure Time I actually laughed so hard that I, for the second time in my life, almost experienced a laughing-indued syncope. As I was laughing suddenly everything got very dissociated-feeling, and I did a laugh that I can only describe as feeling like 'more' than normal, which I imagine reflected running out breath. However, because of a conversation I had been having with X earlier, in my state of mind this laughter actually become conceptually orgasmic; I felt as though the normal laughter itself was the build-up, and the point I had reached was the release. I actually felt a strong flow of euphoria coming from me as a part of that last laugh, and that feeling didn't leave me. I continued to laugh in a way that I would almost describe as maniacal because it felt so unbelievably good to do so, like the laughter itself was hitting my brain's reward centers enough to feel like an orgasm. I thought to myself that this feeling must be what people who snap and go laughing mad are chasing.
<br>
<br>
Since neither of us had had anything to eat before, we decided to order pizza, breadsticks, and cinnamon sticks. I normally would avoid eating such a big meal while tripping, but I actually had work in the morning too and so I thought it might help me get to bed a little more easily when the time for that came. We kept smoking weed in the meantime as well, and our food arrived at about T+4:15. It was a thin crust half ham and pineapple and half pepperoni, bacon, and beef, and it was freaking delicious! As was everything else. When we had gotten back into the house and the light the visuals had calmed down back to what they were before, mostly patterns and distortions. The food had calmed it down even more, and I felt a little sober after we finally finished eating. I decided to load another bowl of weed afterward because of that, and the visuals that were remaining became heavier and more flowing again, though they didn't significantly increase in complexity. After we let the food set in, we went out back to sit in the wind and watch the world morph. The trees in surrounding yards were starting to look look just big morphing fractal blobs (not highly defined), and the thing I enjoyed the most was lying on top of the hot tub and staring up at the sky. Since it was windy the clouds were moving by pretty quickly, and they were taking on various forms like masks, faces, and bodies, though without ever losing the color or texture of clouds. We smoked a little more and just enjoyed this until around T+6:00, when I felt down enough that I needed to try to get some rest for the morning. My friend and I smoked one final bowl so that he could stay up all night enjoying the visualizations in the dark more easily, and then I retired to my bedroom. Once I got there I spent about half an hour texting X about some personal stuff that had been happening over the course of the night as I was tripping, and then I released a little tension (if you know what I mean) a couple of times, after which I quickly passed out. I woke up feeling refreshed and still a bit euphoric, and I did a wake and bake which mostly made me feel high but with a little something 'extra'. I showered which felt great, and then started getting ready for the day while my friend was snoring in the living room.
<br>
<br>
I really wasn't expecting this to be anything overly intense, but I was definitely pleasently surprised by the power of the experience. It certainly made me think that I should trip in nature in the dark more often. It also continued along with how I've noticed that every single LSD experience seems to build off my previous ones regardless of dose; in some ways it wasn't as strong as my last trip which was like three times higher of a dose, but in many other ways it was actually even stronger. I've definitely never experienced hallucinations which were as real and vivid from any drug experience in the past as I did during this, and that seems to be a continuation of how I had just begun to truly experience that kind of psychedelic delirium for the first time from my last trip. In some ways I felt as though what the LSD was showing me is that from a combination of knowing what to look for and how best to bring it out, I really don't need those high doses to get those same kinds of intense trips anymore if I don't want to take them. This excites me a lot, because I would love to be able to get those kinds of effects from smaller doses of LSD more often. I'm also hoping that this sensitivity will carry over into other psychedelics as well, because I'm really starting to get into a love for experimenting with tryptamines and I want to get the most out of them that I possibly can. This kind of trip I got from the LSD is exactly the kind of thing I've been searching for ever since I first started using psychedelics, as it was always one of my fantasy dreams to wander the spirit world....
<br>
<br>
Anyway, that about wraps up this experience. It was a very refreshing and fun night. As usual, I can't wait for my next trip!<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 103352</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 10, 2014</td><td>Views: 5,138</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=103352&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=103352&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Music Discussion (22), Hangover / Days After (46), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This experience happened about a month ago as of this writing. Around that time all of my trips were starting to follow a theme of being about letting go, and because of that I was starting to get much more of a psychotherapeutic effect out of them than I ever had before. A friend of mine had recommended to me that I read Claudio Naranjo's 'The Healing Journey', so I had ordered it online and it just recently arrived. I decided to sit down with it for the first time today and read the beginning of it, and smoke some weed at the same time. I was getting really into it because I was really high and the things he was talking about reminded me very much of the things I had been thinking lately, and this was getting me into a very open mindset. I was feeling sufficiently stoned enough that I opted to put the book down and meditate instead.
<br>
<br>
With eyes closed and lying on my back, I repeated this mantra to myself internally of letting go, and it didn't take long for a quick visionary state to suddenly burst through, like hypnagogic hallucinations but enhanced. This had happened to me once before recently, a few days before the last time I took five hits of LSD. Then I had scene city scenes with people rapidly walking around and transforming in them just passing me by in clouds. This time however the focus was largely on hands reaching up and faces behind them, which reminded me very much of my experience smoking salvia on LSD a week before. The whole thing felt very psychedelic, but it didn't last long before just fading back to a regular high. It did leave me very energized though and in a mindset to trip, so I decided to dose on five hits again later that night.
<br>
<br>
I knew that this was going to be my last trip before going to visit a girl who has changed my life, and that definitely had me in a very positive mood. After I dosed I ended up texting her too which I think boosted my experience as well, until I could feel it start kicking in and then I got in the shower. I don't remember a whole lot about the shower itself other than that the visuals were kicking in very intensely, and I was starting to mumble things to myself very frantically. I finally decided to get out, dry off, and head to bed, where I had my laptop waiting and I had prepared myself some weed to smoke. Once I turned out the lights and got in bed, the first thing I remember is that I just a visionary kind of state. Similarly to my psychedelic weed experience before this last one, the imagery consisted of people running around and doing various movements and creating transforming scenery together. I felt very in but also out of my body at the same time.
<br>
<br>
I put on some music videos by various female artists who I in some ways felt like both I and the girl I was going to visit might be able to relate to, and that was the general theme for a lot of the night. I continued to smoke weed for a lot of it as well, and as I did so my ego became steadily more dissolved. I could have remembered facts about my life if I really wanted to, but I wasn't too concerned with it at the time. I was actually rather enthralled with the experience of watching the music videos; I was getting the same kind of effect that I had gotten the last time I had taken five hits of LSD, where whenever some kind of concept would enter my mind it would be projected into my mind's eye visually and then a web pattern would grow out of it that connected the original concept to various others that were in some way related to it. This time however this effect was even stronger, and as a result when I would watch the artists in their videos my mind would unload extremely vivid perceptions of how I view their personalities and every concept that my mind directly relates to each aspect of that on to me, and it would make it so that at the time it was actually easier to remember who the arist was and have a grasp of their life to remember who I was. This was allowing me to feel empathy on a level I had never experienced before, and I was filled with an overwhelming love and a desire to make all of those artists' hopes and dreams come true. Upon later reintegration of my own personality and rememberance of my life, this love was then extended to the girl I'm visiting as well. I knew that talking to her before tripping had definitely left an impact on me at this point.
<br>
<br>
In the meantime, I was consciously perceiving visual distortions on a level unlike anything I've quite ever experienced before. The way I've been describing it was that I felt like I was detecting changes on the neurological correlate of subatomic levels, the point at which you actually view your visual field down to the fabric of reality. What I was seeing was that the visual changes were so detailed and so minute that my reality was coming apart at the seams, and through these cracks that were opening up I could actually see into other dimensions that were holding ours together. Upon close inspection to one of these I found myself to be centered alongside a colossal ring structure of predominantly greens with some blues, purples, and other colors to a lesser extent which extended far into the distance; I was simply located on just one small part of this ring, and it was at that moment that I realized that I was actually grinding along the edge of reality. This ring was actually just the or one of the barriers of existence itself. There were also intense and colorful visions that were playing out along this barrier, but they tend to escape me now. The mindset of what was going on was much more intense for me.
<br>
<br>
Aside from that, there wasn't too much to say about the rest of the trip. I simply rode these aspects of it out and enjoyed them until they had mostly faded away, and I was left with a good amount of energy for much of the next day. The thing I would say that I got the most from this trip was that I feel like what I was actually experiencing with the empathy is the way I had already built myself up to feeling out of overcoming depression and anxiety, but the LSD was allowing me to experience it for the first time with any associations with my life or past baggage getting in the way. It was definitely a nice refresh in that sense.... Another thing that this trip did is show me a better taste of just how deep visual effects can get, and I'm sure they only go deeper and deeper than that. But this trip definitely even further enhanced my interest in visionary states.
<br>
<br>
I would have to say that this experience was a pretty good send off before my vacation. I definitely enjoyed it.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 103255</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 16, 2014</td><td>Views: 4,527</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=103255&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=103255&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It’s my first summer experimenting with psychedelics and other psychoactive drugs. My friends had had this interest before I felt comfortable with the idea. And we’d finally made plans to trip together; we actually planned on candy flipping.
<br>
<br>
We were going to this small music festival held at a barn/someone’s house during mid August. I was a bit wary of tripping, I’d never done anything without my boyfriend being around, and we were usually alone together or just at a park together. I’d not let myself appreciate the importance of set and setting… I’d finished a rough week of work and social problems, and my boyfriend had been out of town for weeks.
<br>
<br>
I wanted to have a good time and didn’t want to spend the night sober. Around 6pm my friend and I dosed. I’d had some blotter left over from a music festival. I thought I had 1 white on white and one purple blotter. They looked different, not purple but grey, so I thought I had the 2 white on white blotters. This was my second mistake… they were 2 of the stronger purple blotter. I’d only planned on taking 1, but since it was the “weaker” one, I took both.
<br>
<br>
Things got weird pretty quickly… the most abrupt come-up I’d experienced thus far. I don’t remember much, my other friend arrived and took 1 of the same blotter I’d had. Then the three of us who were tripping got a bit antsy because one of our friends just kept saying “You’re fine, you’re fine.” Even though we didn’t feel fine.
<br>
<br>
I kept being ignored by everyone around me… which was difficult for me because I love interacting with people. I had some visuals, but everything that happened before dusk arrived is a bit fuzzy. I told my friend M that I was getting a bit overwhelmed, and she told me to smoke some weed. I took one hit, felt some immediate relief as I exhaled, but then the panic came back shortly afterward.
<br>
<br>
As darkness crept in, music was still playing and I was becoming increasingly anxious. I kept getting separated from my friends, and the darkness was a bit scary for me, since I usually tripped during the daylight hours.
<br>
<br>
I remember little after that. I’d called my boyfriend once I got very nervous and we talked, hearing his voice was the only thing I really understood, as everything around me became so very confusing. There were many people, a lot of cars driving by and lots of lots and sounds. I felt like I was spinning around in circles and during every revolution things were different in the places I’d passed before.
<br>
<br>
I talked with my boyfriend for a bit but then he needed to go, and I told him I was going to go find my friends. I went into the crowd and found my friend's boyfriend, T, who was sober. I tried to tell him things were going badly and I was a bit nervous but everyone just thought I was worried I wouldn’t make friends, not that my trip was going in the wrong direction.
<br>
<br>
When the time came, around 9pm, us three got together and decided whether or not to take the beans we’d purchased. Gladly the consensus was no, we were all plenty “out there” and didn’t need any more chemicals.
<br>
<br>
The whole night is a bit fuzzy, but at some point I went and got T and my friend to get me some juice. I walked around with my juice, a blanket and my cell phone. We were sitting near the stage when my two friends went away to dance. T also went to follow his girlfriend to dance. I guess I looked ok to everyone, because no one bothered to stick around. My friend from work who I’d been texting showed up, and tried to come over and say hello, but I was afraid of the way he looked and was confused as to what to say.
<br>
<br>
Eventually I was alone with my juice sitting on a blanket. Then I began to cry and become more confused, since I’d tried telling my friends I needed help but still, no one was listening. I imagined seeing myself laying on this blanket next to this crowd of people… like my vision was floating away but my pain was still inside my body. I didn’t want to let go and see myself… I was afraid of what I might see. I then started to think everyone was staring at me… but a girl did eventually come up to me and asked if I needed anything. I said no thank you, and decided that I needed to move. I wandered around in the crowd, looking for my friends and being overwhelmed by the number of people.
<br>
<br>
I was crying pretty hard by then and ran into an acquaintance of mine. He was with two other guys. I told him to find my one friend, C. He left me with his two friends, one of which tried to talk me down but I was inconsolable. They found my friend C, but she added to my chaotic state. She just kept mentioning things… saying words that had no connections whatsoever. I walked away again and sat on a blanket.
<br>
<br>
I was able to call my boyfriend once again. I was next to a barn where a lot of people were hanging out. A guy walked out and peed very close to where I was sitting. I looked at him and his body and his penis reminded me of the penis of a man who sexually assaulted me. This struck fear to my core, and I began to be afraid of the male body. I then thought of how my boyfriend had these same parts, and his voice was no longer my last shred of reality. I couldn’t understand everything he was saying. I saw a cop car on the road but didn’t really register that law enforcement was there, and I was clearly not sober.
<br>
<br>
After more fuzziness and confusion, my boyfriend convinced me to go to the tent we pitched. It was very dark, as I had no flashlight. I laid in the tent, feeling a bit better, trying to grasp onto the situation. But my waves of what seemed to be insanity kept coming back, pulling me under… I had the thoughts of “I’ll never come out of this” and how nothing I could think of was comforting or safe. I was wondering if I was safe being alone. I began seeing things in the shadows of the tent. I told my boyfriend what we were going to do once we saw each other, as I was excited for it, but my sweet ideas turned into dark and scary thoughts.
<br>
<br>
My friend came into the tent, C, and was still just speaking words. She never registered that I’d been in there as well. My boyfriend's phone died, and I no longer had anyone to talk to. It was about 11pm at this point. (another major mistake: keeping check on the time) I then decided I needed to pull myself out of this, myself. I’d already been nearing the end of the turbulence, based on the time I dosed. I knew reality was only a few storms away. I told myself my name, my birth date, what I’d ingested, where I was and who I was with. I told myself that I was in control of this, and I could hold on to this awareness if I just concentrated on it, and didn’t let my mind wander. I emerged from the tent once again and went to the stage, to try and dance and find my friends. The uneasiness slowly slid away as I came down and was on the tail end of my trip.
<br>
<br>
I felt embarrassed about having such a meltdown in front of so many new friends… but by the end of the night I was just trying to be myself. They all understood where I’d been. Once I’d come down I apologized to my boyfriend for making him my lifeline during that time.
<br>
<br>
The day after I felt weird and very tired from the experience, and still a bit off from all the confusion. I didn’t eat much the day of or after the trip, and felt quite ill the day following.
<br>
<br>
This was my first very difficult experience… not the first time I’d come across problems with myself (loneliness, insecurities), but the first time I’d been in such a bad place for that to happen. And I’d never been so confused. Usually I’d felt almost in control, but silly. Never again will I underestimate the importance of set and setting.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 80654</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 3, 2015</td><td>Views: 2,575</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=80654&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=80654&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2.5 </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:25</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It was the perfect night to take LSD. The sky was a beautiful dark purple color and the air was perfectly cool as I pushed my way down the street on my Z-Flex cruiser skateboard. I watched the holographic pattern of the skateboard company's logo that shifted color, unaware that my entire world would soon be shrouded in a similar effect. I crossed the street out of my neighborhood and met up with my close friend (let's call him S) who was meeting me halfway to talk about what we were going to do that night. He told me that he brought the 5 hits of acid that he had bought recently from a reliable source. He also said that his friend had tripped in front of him on the same acid and that he had a very good experience, so I was reassured that it would be safe to take it. S was debating on whether he wanted to take acid and trip at my house, which we had been putting off for a while, or whether he wanted to go to a party and see a girl that he was interested in. I eventually convinced S to take the doses with me because I was leaving for college very soon and I had never tripped before.
<br>
<br>
We stopped behind a building and quickly took our 2 1/2 hits each. The paper tasted very bad for some reason, but I didn't mind, I knew it would be more than worth enduring the taste. S and I skated down a back road en route to my house with a new energy in us and the blotter under our tongues. He looked at me and said, 'You know this can be a life changing drug?' I knew that it was. I had done much research on LSD and I believed that I was thoroughly prepared for it. The only part that concerned me was the anxiety one may feel when first feeling the effects of the drug, but this was in the back of my mind. We had plenty of water, a great atmosphere, and a plethora of great records waiting for us at my house, so I was sure that it would be a great experience.
<br>
<br>
We arrived at my house and locked the door behind us. My house felt like a sanctuary and I knew that it would carry us safely through the trip somehow. The earthy colors gave it a feeling of warmth and protection. We went up the hall and into my bedroom, where we would be spending the majority of the night. It had only been about 25 minutes since we took the drug and we were not yet feeling it's effects. We decided to smoke a king sized joint that I had with some very good weed in it that I had rolled for just such an occasion. We very much wanted to increase the strength of the trip.
<br>
<br>
The window was our choice of exit onto my back deck. It's actually a very convenient feature, there's sort of an alley way on my back deck that stretches around the side of the house to my room. We used this as our entry way in and out of the house so we could relieve ourselves occasionally from all the water we'd be drinking. We did this because the bathroom in my house is very close to my parents room, and we did not want to disturb them with flushing all night. One of them awaking to my friend and I tripping in the house would not be good. Anyways, we went to the screened in room that I have on my deck to avoid mosquitoes and turned a couple of chairs around so that we had a view of my lake as we smoked the joint.
<br>
<br>
I lit up the joint and S and I shared a conversation as we passed the joint back and forth. We talked about how beautiful it was out that night. The moon was a waning crescent and was sheathed by passing clouds on and off. The purple sky reflected on the lake along with the orange lights of the house across the way as the lake rippled slightly. It had been about 45 minutes since we took the acid and we could definitely tell that something big was on the way. It almost felt like the anticipation of it was causing it to delay longer. We went inside and turned on my Xbox and played a game called Skate. We took turns playing but about 15 minutes later the game began to look strange. It was very fake and pixelated even though I knew it was a very realistic game. I turned off the game and put some television channel on, however I wasn't even really watching it and I turned the volume all the way down.
<br>
<br>
S and I knew we needed some music as a strange feeling crept up on my senses. I felt like all my troubles had been washed away. All of the stress in my life seemed so insignificant compared to life itself. I verbalized this to S and he agreed. We were both very euphoric and I felt connected to everything around me and especially to S. I felt like we were both very connected. I think this is because we both verbalized a lot of our feelings and explained our visuals to one another and the critical thinking of the LSD allowed us to understand the one another's feelings very well. I believe we got many of the same visual effects as a result of so much explanation to one another. However, the one thing I did not expect about the trip is that I had no anxiety build up prior to the trip. I was very thankful.
<br>
<br>
S and I were on our way up to the peak with the Beatles' Magical Mystery Tour record playing in the background, which seemed to be extremely loud even on the lowest volume. S and I had planned to listen to the this record on repeat while tripping. It had some very strange songs on it and it really made me appreciate the creativity that went into it. Our entertainment for the night was the music, a very intricate laser light that S had, and the two large mandala tapestries on my wall. Blue and orange respectively, each tapestry had rings of elephants and other indian themed images that seem to spiral into the center. At this point my vision was almost blurry. Everything had a soft light to it and there was a halo effect around every edge of every object in the room. I looked at S and my vision became tripled. There were two silhouetted layers of my friends entire body sort of overlaid on himself but an inch to the right for each layer. It was like looking through 3D glasses in a way. My focus was very acute and it seemed kind of like I was looking through a microscope when I focused on an object very close to my face.
<br>
<br>
And then we began laughing. The laughter started out with a some chuckles until eventually we were both rolling on the floor just from the sheer giddiness we got from the trip. I felt as if my entire body was made of laughter and I had to squeeze it all out until the laughter filled the room. Everything was very dreamlike at this point as well and there were amazing trails every time I moved my hands or any object.
<br>
<br>
The mandalas were the most spectacular thing I had seen so far. They were completely holographic. The large rings and the separating rings between them on the tapestries all seemed to be moving and interlocking, but breathing at the same time. There was also a kind of rhythm to everything. The drums in the song would beat and the room would beat and the tapestries would beat and my heart would beat, all at the same time. It was like everything was in unison, moving and working together. I was sitting in a little bowl shaped comfortable chair and S was laying on my bed looking up at the orange tapestry and constantly shining his bright green laser light. It was very fun to watch. There were hundreds of little green laser dots that would break apart, fly around each other like little atoms and come back together, only to explode again. All this was done by turning a little ring on the laser light. We were very occupied by it for a while.
<br>
<br>
S and I had very full bladders by now because we had been drinking water heavily. We were also sweating and wanted some fresh air. We were around the plateau of the trip at this point and the waves were coming on and off steadily. We ducked through the window and walked out to the deck. Outside was so peculiar, it felt like another world. The purple of the sky and reflection on the lake had intensified and now the clouds swirled around the moon in patterns I'd never imagined. We gazed for a good 10 minutes and forgot completely what we were doing. I took notice of how there were different colored lights coming from different parts of the horizon. S and I tried to guess their origins. It felt like a very important thing at the time. A wave began to the hit us hard and a red light in the sky intensified, which was very strange. We headed back to the safety of my room.
<br>
<br>
We listened to some more records and enjoyed the visuals we had left. My thought was very deep at this point as was S's. S and I began to contemplate many things but I realized that he could not verbalize his thoughts as well as I could. I think it's because I am a more analytical person than S. He does not assess the situation that he's in, he sort of just experiences it without thinking about it very hard. Either way we had a great conversation that may have been gibberish for all I know, I can't remember most of it.
<br>
<br>
As we were coming down we put in The Doors movie with Val Kilmer portraying Jim Morrison. It was a very strange movie to begin with but the lingering effects of the acid made it stranger. I had watched the movie many times before but I still enjoyed it because it was about one of my favorite poets of all time and Val Kilmer does such a good job impersonating him. S and I weren't very tired but it was about 5 in the morning and we decided to try to sleep. I gave him a blanket to relax on the couch and then retired to my room.
<br>
<br>
I couldn't sleep at all so I layed awake reading about others experiences with LSD and other psychedelics and studying up on random facts that I find interesting about music, art, or whatever else is on my mind. I woke S up a couple hours after he went to sleep and took him home. I still felt a connection with him as we drove to his house listening to some feel good music. We said our goodbyes and I drove home with all new ideas in my mind about life, love, spirituality, connections between people, and the way we perceive our world. It took a little while to come back to reality fully, but it was worth it. I'd like to think that I had a very classic LSD experience and it truly changed my life for the better. I would very much like to try it again and think even more critically.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 97336</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 18, 2014</td><td>Views: 11,353</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=97336&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=97336&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">500 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">90 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I've had quite a few experiences with LSD at a 0.5mg dosage that I want to share.
<br>
<br>
There are two kinds of trips at that dosage - either I 'break through' or not. A break through trip includes a out-of-body experience. Extremely intense, sometimes frightening, confusing. What follows is the 'interesting' part, a description of a break through experience.
<br>
<br>
I remember 'seeing' the machine language of my mind. Cogwheels, connections everywhere, I saw how my mind works. Is is very hard to describe, if you have never experienced it yourself.
<br>
<br>
During this time I was no longer aware of my body, who I am, where I was. I was unable to move or talk, I only experienced. This lasted maybe 2 or 3 hours. Then I 'woke up', I was reborn. Everything was completely overwhelming. I was afraid of the background noise of my computer, a very 'alien' sound. It felt like I was a little baby again, that experiences the world for the first time, unfiltered, everything is new. Extremely confusing.
<br>
<br>
Around 6 or 7 hours into the trip I was able to properly stand up and trying to collect my thoughts (extremely hard, everything was still very overwhelming to me).
<br>
<br>
I managed to write a friend on IRC, which helped me a lot. I felt very 'numb' during this time, as if I had no emotions. Then suddenly I was able to recall memories from my childhood, my family, and everything returned to me at once, emotions were intensified to a unimaginable degree. I must have spent a few hours crying ;)
<br>
<br>
The world is a beautiful place. The existence of life is magical. Love is the most important part in it.
<br>
<br>
9 or 10 hours after I took the LSD (it was around midnight by now), I went for a long walk. A dark night, it was raining, yet I was 'calm', I nearly felt invincible, filled with wisdom, I knew what to do and how to do it. I saw patterns everywhere. I learned about the potential of the human brain, I could access it all. I was not afraid, there was a 'map' in my mind. However, my steps felt very 'mechanic', they were all identical, like my abilities were reduced to the most basic, machine-like level.
<br>
<br>
That must have been my most introspective experience on a psychedelic drug so far. That trip pulled me out of a nasty depression, like a spark of life planted inside of me. I certainly plan on repeating to take high doses of LSD, if I feel the need for it.
<br>
<br>
Oh, I didn't mention visuals at all so far. After I was 'reborn', the visuals were not very intense, at least compared to higher doses of 2C-B and other very visual substances. Maybe I didn't notice them because I was barely able trying to collect my thoughts.
<br>
<br>
Although, on my walk (remember, it was night), when I came across a silvan area, I looked at the ground, and suddenly it started moving and shaking. I saw snakes, millions of them, moving towards me. I'm a little afraid of sneaking reptiles, so this experience caused a little panic attack, which lasted only a few seconds until I realized that it was just the hallucinations. In this moment however, I felt like my whole brain was activated at once, and I had only a single thought: RUN. Well, I did. Intense!
<br>
<br>
Now the 'boring' part, what happens when I take 500μg LSD and don't break through?
<br>
<br>
Well, I'm much more in control of the trip. The visuals are just as intense as if I break through, but there is way less 'mindfuck' in general. It's pretty much like a 200μg trip on steroids, but not on a whole different mind-shattering level. Of course it is still very intense and not something one should spontaneously do for fun, but a experienced tripper can handle this level of intensity without freaking out. It's possible to hold a conversation if needed (although I wouldn't recommend it), play games, just listen to music etc.
<br>
<br>
As always I find it's lots of fun to smoke Cannabis on LSD (they have such a insanely good synergy), on any dose really, even a high dose one.
<br>
<br>
It always helps me with 'filtering' out some nonsense thoughts, enhances the euphoria by a lot and makes the trip more easy going - probably not for others unless you're a frequent smoker though ;)<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 104155</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 14, 2015</td><td>Views: 4,254</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=104155&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=104155&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), Entities / Beings (37), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">8.5 g</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/kratom/">Kratom</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(ground / crushed)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">110 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/5-mapb/">5-MAPB</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:39</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 28:51</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/buprenorphine/">Pharms - Buprenorphine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(ground / crushed)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 28:51</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/alprazolam/">Pharms - Alprazolam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/smarts/tryptophan/">Tryptophan - 5-HTP</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">112 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Note: I wrote this report while I was under the influence of these substances, so about 3.5 hours in, a lot of my writing becomes gibberish-like. I have decided to include these entries, but I will leave out all the writing that doesn't even look like the Roman alphabet. Or any other alphabet I'm familiar with, for that matter. I put quotation marks around the sentences that sound like intoxication rather than analysis because some of it is hilarious.
<br>
<br>
*Materials used:
<br>
-predose of 8.5g (a heavy dose) of Red Vein Thai kratom powder
<br>
-750mcg of LSD on blotters
<br>
-110mg of 5-MAPB, orally
<br>
-about 0.5g of some high-grade cannabis (Strawberry Cough)
<br>
-I had also been taking 5-HTP in the morning for the past two weeks in
<br>
the hopes of building up my serotonin supply.
<br>
<br>
T-00:15 (2:45PM) Ingested 8.5g of Red Vein Thai kratom powder.
<br>
<br>
T+00:00 (3PM) ingested a capsule of 110mg of 5-MAPB and set aside another 25mg in case a booster is needed later. After this I placed 3 tabs of LSD (750 micrograms) under my tongue. I originally bought a 10-strip of this acid and tested out 3 hits about a month and a half ago. Very, very good acid.
<br>
<br>
T+00:20 Kratom is definitely kicking in. It's been a long time since I took kratom or any pharmaceutical opiates, so 8.5g is very, very strong. I'm having a tiny bit of trouble keeping my eyes open. I am extra relaxed and just the slightest bit euphoric, with a stupid grin on my face. This is the best way I have ever decided to start a trip, by far.
<br>
<br>
T01:03 First alerts, probably from the 5-MAPB, as this particular batch of acid takes a long time to fully come up. The kratom was SUCH a good idea; normally at this point I would have a lot of nervous energy. No signs of visuals yet. I feel almost tired; not exhausted but just comfortable and amazingly mellow. I would normally be chain-smoking bowls of bud to ease the discomfort of coming up, but with the kratom in my system, everything feels perfect.
<br>
<br>
T01:25 Coming up on the 5-MAPB quickly! Wiggly eyes and relaxation even greater than what I already feel from the kratom. There are patterns, like simple computer graphics that mimic textiles (think Windows 3.1) that move slowly to and fro when I close my eyes. I know for a fact that the 5-MAPB is starting and is going to be an intense experience because I'm already experiencing the hallmark short-term memory loss that 5-MAPB so consistently provides. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I know for a fact that the 5-MAPB is starting and is going to be an intense experience because I'm already experiencing the hallmark short-term memory loss that 5-MAPB so consistently provides.</div></div> I'm also occasionally spelling words backwards or out of order while I write this report by hand. I feel like I'm starting to come up on the lucy, too, so I'm gonna smoke a bowl and put some music on. This is just starting to become intense, in the good way! I briefly considered adding methylone (bk-MDMA, M1) to the mix after the 5-MAPB kicked in, just to add a little bit of energy, but as I was about to write the word 'methylone,' I got a small surge of energy and alertness; I won't be napping through any of this trip, after all, hooray!
<br>
<br>
*[Note: I'm getting a lot of ideas for photography, screenprinting, drawing, and other art projects so freely; I am of course writing them all down. 'The trance begins...'] (Seriously, 'the trance begins?' I wrote that?!)
<br>
<br>
T01:39 The acid is definitely coming on. Today will be amazing, I have no doubt. Still feel so euphoric and almost lazy but with a gentle push from the 5-MAPB. Time to smoke that bowl, finally. Also need to secure more buds for the evening. So, SO blissful and alert. Since the acid is already creeping in, I'm going to just chew and swallow these blotters in my mouth.
<br>
<br>
T02:00 This is beyond words! I'm well, well experienced with LSD on its own and in combination with shrooms. I'm also very experienced with 5-MAPB, real MDMA, and even methylone, both alone and in combination with mushrooms. But until today I had never tried candyflipping. I can't believe how early in the experience it is when I analyze all my feelings; there's just so much there, constantly changing and developing. The visual content hasn't even started yet!
<br>
<br>
T02:20 Very sensitive to temperature. Rolling in the wintertime always presents this challenge. Heater, then AC, then heater again. LSD visuals have definitely started. It feels now that I'm beginning to feel the acid more, like it's got control over the slightly scatterbrained nature of rolling. My eyes still wiggle like crazy now and again, but I have the unmistakable sensation of settling into one of the most important experiences of my life. The beginning visual effects of the LSD do seem somewhat enhanced by the 5-MAPB. It's very difficult to describe, and I'm still trying to decide how it really feels. It's like normal LSD visuals, but exaggerated or made repetitive; things trailing into infinity then trailing back into reality, no longer moving. The closed eye visuals are the most impressive. I mentioned that I was getting a lot of ideas for art projects earlier. Well, right now, all I have to do to get those ideas and that creativity is close my eyes, pay attention, and try to write down some of the things I saw as quickly as possible. The closed eye visuals were reminiscent of, in my opinion, combining Syrian rue tea with psilocybin mushrooms: very rapidly changing, full of interacting figures rather than objects or simple patterns; almost narrative. I thank the Universe for these ideas and this experience.
<br>
<br>
T+02:35 Everything is incredible. I cannot believe how much synergy exists between these two substances because this is ALL brand-new territory for someone who generally takes a handful of LSD each weekend and MDMA or 5-MAPB once every other month or so. I also consider myself a very open person, socially and emotionally; still, this experience feels like emotional rebirth. My mind has been here, but this is new emotional terrain, and it's so RICH!
<br>
<br>
T+02:50 The LSD has definitely settled in now. I feel slightly more conservative than before, emotionally speaking. This feels more like the intellectual side of a high-dose LSD experience. The ecstasy feelings are still in place, just not as much of a focal point as the visuals I'm starting to have. I honestly feel like this experience, this combination, has more depth - in a certain capacity - than hippieflipping (MDMA + mushrooms). I'm such an anxious person usually (I'm prescribed Xanax, a lot of it), but right now I can see through it and analyze it objectively. This experience feels like it has about 5 years' worth of psychotherapy packed into every single minute of it.
<br>
Glorious. Healing.
<br>
<br>
T+03:10 This experience feels thoroughly like 'exactly what I've been looking for' with regards to psychedelics. If any of my experiments with any psychedelics have ever needed to be documented on websites like Erowid, it is definitely the one I'm having right now. This is beyond unique, and infinitely more understated than novelty - 'this is the end of the chapter (in terms of empathogens, anyway).' This is my 'it.' And yet the LSD visuals are only beginning!
<br>
<br>
T+03:30 'As someone who much, MUCH prefers LSD to MDMA, I still have to say AGAIN that the synergy happening in this experiment is nothing short of perfection.
<br>
<br>
T+03:38 'I'm really not a hippie, but this experience is definitely the closest I'll ever be to one.'
<br>
<br>
T+03:47 I have to admit that this experience as a whole is much more reminiscent of rolling rather than tripping. But don't get me wrong, it's an incredible middle ground; it's still very, very trippy, much more psychedelic than 5-MAPB on its own. 'It feels like my interior is growing rather than my comprehension of the exterior.'
<br>
<br>
T+04:12 'What did people do before these two substances existed?!'
<br>
<br>
T+04:27 This must be the peak of the acid, or maybe the peak of this whole experiment, because I am easily lost, distracted, even at times just inexplicably confused. And that's great, because my dog is begging me to take him outside, NOW. This will be an interesting walk!
<br>
<br>
T+04:35 The walk went fine. I didn't run into any neighbors (it's almost 8PM and freezing cold outside), so I just watched the gentle wind running through the grass in my apartment complex's courtyard.
<br>
<br>
This was probably the height of the visual component of this experience. It was so peaceful to just be with my dog, whom I love infinitely, watching the grass wave and warp and delicately swirl in and out of psychedelia.
<br>
<br>
T+05:20 The last hour has been nothing but joyful, colorful, happy confusion. Again, closer to rolling than tripping. What would normally cause me to get introspective on LSD by itself is, during this experience, casually dismissed almost instinctively. I can feel the acid in full force, but the 5-MAPB definitely dominates; however, the acid does seem to *influence* the effects of the 5-MAPB. Good thing I'm prescribed Xanax because this combination is pretty stimulating.
<br>
<br>
'Although there is [?] : for its weekigobbandy
<br>
winto te ... yeah yeah,
<br>
and tip for mom
<br>
SERIOUSY WHATFUK?
<br>
I coud jst to mere.'
<br>
<br>
'JAVE UT EASKI' [The only foreign language I speak is Russian, and
<br>
that isn't Russian; your guess is as good as mine.]
<br>
<br>
I don't remember what I was thinking about when I wrote that last bit, at all. Kinda embarrassing. Anyway, that's all I could get out during the candyflip, but I did write some notes the next day.
<br>
<br>
THE NEXT DAY 01/03/2015
<br>
<br>
T+20:00 I slept well with the help of my Xanax, although I didn't have to take as much as I normally do for insomnia; I was very, very relaxed, just a bit stimulated. I still have the warmth, tranquility and optimism from the 5-MAPB. The acid is all gone, but I still see slowly changing patterns when I close my eyes. Realization that I wrote and/or communicated a lot of gibberish last night. [If you thought that one paragraph was nonsensical, then you should see some of my text streams!] I check my cell phone's call log: no calls to or from parents or family, thank god!
<br>
<br>
T+23:27 I'm now at work, getting a helluva lot done, actually. I did take 5-HTP, ginseng, and ginkgo biloba. I was looking to curb any negative effects from rolling, but I guess I ended up adding another peak to it. So incredibly relaxed but mentally very clear and alert. I feel so optimistic.
<br>
<br>
T+28:51 I was feeling normal again... Still very upbeat but not re-peaking like I was a few hours ago. UNTIL I bought a Suboxone tablet. I'm not a fan of popping pills, but this needed to happen to finally make everything wind down and leave me sober-ish and ready for bed. So I drove back home from work and crushed about 2mg of the Suboxone pill. [NOTE: I don't drive impaired, but I got plenty of sleep, and my vision had gone back to normal. Please don't drive on ecstasy. And note that I was not intoxicated but merely had a wonderful afterglow going on.] So I snorted that and smoked a bowl of Strawberry Cough. When I finished the bowl, I got up to cook some dinner, and it hit me yet AGAIN! This time it's much, much more mellow. 'I still halfway' ... [?]
<br>
<br>
T+31:22 I'm nodding out, big-time. I think the roll is finally over. Strange - I took what is considered a moderate dose. The high end of moderate, but still. Time for my nighttime Xanax because my back hurts, and I have a very slight headache. That was definitely caused by having absolutely NO appetite for a day and a half. Time to go microwave the food I cooked 4 hours ago. Goodnight and safe travels!<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 105269</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 29</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 15, 2015</td><td>Views: 5,359</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=105269&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=105269&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 5-MAPB (624) : Glowing Experiences (4), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This given day began upon an atmosphere of intense anticipation. I was anticipating my first LSD trip. I had experienced mushrooms and some more mild hallucinogens prior to this day, and considered myself ready for a day of consciousness expansion and to perhaps learn something new. I picked up my friend C from his house around 10:30 in the morning and we drove over to my other friend T's house. T has a garage with colorful spray paint on the walls and instruments everywhere. Not to mention an amazing neon clock which has a circular neon tube around it that illuminates the whole room with a green glow. In short, a perfect place to have a trip. No worries, nothing negative, and a lot of scenery to look at.
<br>
<br>
We had procured 6 sugar cubes a week earlier, and so at 10:45 we took our doses.
<br>
C took 4 hits, and T and myself took 1 each. (These cubes were not precisely measured, so I perhaps had a hit and a half in mine, because I tripped harder than T.) We sat around in the garage waiting for the onset. In about 30-40 minutes we started feeling the trademarked anxiety and anxiousness. It was definitely not a bad feeling, we just felt a general change in consciousness slowly beginning and the anticipation of a good trip. We noticed C coming up way faster and were not surprised, he was already extremely out of it when I had just began to feel the onset. He kept saying, 'do you see this and this,' and we reminded him that he took much more than us.
<br>
<br>
At 1 hour, C was laying on the couch enjoying his visuals and mindset, and me and T still didn't feel the full effects. We decided to start drawing to pass the time. By this time I already felt a mood lift and my emotions were all over the place. It felt much easier to laugh, and as I was drawing these feelings intensified. Did I mention this whole time we had psychedelic trance or psy-dub such as Ott, and Shpongle.
<br>
<br>
I began attempting to draw sound, as I felt some sensory confusion. I noticed my perception of color was intensified and I was immensely aware of what I was drawing. I kept repeating, something is missing, and then I realized we had no red marker. At this point it had been around an hour and a half, and C had finally rejoined us and was watching us drawing, remarking on how intense the drawings looked. In 15 minutes we had pretty much lost our attention span for drawing, and my trip was going strong. Colors were bright and vibrant as expected off of one hit, and I noticed the walls pulsating minutely. We found it extremely easy to laugh and were laughing at stuff on the walls. At one point we just all looked at each other and laughed because nobody could find the right words to communicate with, but we were all thinking alike. At another point I went to the bathroom and just laughed at myself in the mirror, for no reason.
<br>
<br>
I looked out the window at the sunny day and determined we needed to go outside on an 'adventure.' The others agreed, and I poked my head out the window in the garage. I was awe-struck by the beauty of the sunny day, and we remarked that it was like another dimension outside. The colors of plants and flowers shown out remarkably and it was impossible not to smile and laugh. It was then I realized how precious nature is to mankind. We climbed up the hill in T's backyard and went out to the open space preserve behind his fence. It was a small space with a few trees and after getting hit with wispy tree branches, we soon decided to go back in. When we crossed back into the indoor dimension I noticed a few more visual disturbances. The walls now were pulsating and rippling, and all the colors of spray paint seemed to be battling each other for dominance of the wall. I looked at the rug below me and this same effect was happing except it was moving more rapidly. I looked at the chair that I was sitting on and noticed its leg's were no longer straight, but they were curving slightly, the same went for any straight line in the room.
<br>
<br>
At this time me and C were tripping hardest, and T was at the lowest intensity. We went walking out on the suburban streets of the town. (T lived in the most upper class neighborhood of our city.) We were laughing at how confined and annoyed most people who drove by were. They were all businessman or snobby rich people frantic to get somewhere. Everyone seemed generally pissed off and always looked at us with distaste. We went down a very steep hill in the neighborhood, and laughed greatly at a huge yellow sign that said 'SLOW DOWN.' We found it odd that the sign writers didn't care who was going down the hill, and they were just excercizing their authority telling whoever is going down the hill to SLOW DOWN. We decided that it should've been written as 'Decrease your speed by 1 mile an hour.' We were extremely happy and content and the body high in this trip was amazing. We noted that clothes and shoes felt like a nuisance, however we still had enough sense to keep them on. We wandered around enjoying the scenery and bright sunny day, and remembered our acuaintance that lived nearby.
<br>
<br>
We showed up at his door and found him extremely stoned. T decided to buy a 10 sack off him, and I agreed, not being able to find a 'why not' type of reason. We attempted to understand some great mysteries of life and found ourselves mind boggled. The concept of time was greatly difficult to wrap our minds around, as we found that it was only 2 at this time and we had only been tripping for a couple hours. Walking back up the same enormous hill, T remarked that the SLOW DOWN sign should say 'Decrease your speed by one inch per minute.' We found this statement confusing and hillarious. Back at the house I found myself feeling empty and generally odd. During the trip my mind was scattered and I couldn't tell what emotions or feelings I was experiencing, but C had a hunch that we were hungry and thirsty. After eating some microwave burritos and 'pizzas' we felt amazing.
<br>
<br>
I found it interesting that the cheap man-made factory produced food felt non-wholesome, and that we were doing ourselves a disservice by eating it. We kept looking at the bubbling greasy pizza and saying, 'should I eat this? It might hurt me or something.' This was generally the moment where we began coming down, and after looking at some psychedelic art (Alex Grey) and watching visualizers, we were finally arriving back to reality. (At least enough to know how we were feeling and what was going on around us.) I realized I had work in 45 minutes so I took C home and went to work. For the three hours at work I still felt odd, and generally just out of it. My mind had a million things to think about and was going in several directions at once.
<br>
<br>
I made it through work just fine and went back over to T's house. After smoking our green from earlier, we sat in the garage and finished our artwork from earlier. MJ made it easier to find more things to fill up the blank portions. All in all it was a pleasant trip. Let me add that the title of this experience comes from a moment where we were sitting in the garage singing along to the preprogrammed songs that T's keyboard came with. C was laughing and remarked 'what are these songs!? How do you classify these?' They were children's songs such as 'when the saints go marching in, and I've been workin' on the railroad,' and T replied. 'They are songs that define life, songs that define purity.' And we all laughed.
<br>
<br>
It was an amazing day and I realized in the end how lucky we all are to be alive, and the human mind is a remarkable thing, and there are many parts of it that we cannot understand or experience unless they are unlocked by an external medium. This world can be an amazing place if we all choose to make it happen. Wish much peace and love to everyone.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 66300</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 21, 2015</td><td>Views: 2,444</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=66300&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=66300&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 drops</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> fruits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/poppy/">Poppies - Opium</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 joints/cigs</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> fruits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/poppy/">Poppies - Opium</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">195 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Okay so I had three hits of liquid dropped onto altoids. I dont know how much LSD there was on these things but it's the strongest acid I've ever had. One of the altoids broke into about 3/4s a third of that right before work. For some reason I didnt feel it strongly, maybe it just didnt get soaked in that place. At 11:00 PM I drop 2 altoids. I get off of work at midnight. In 30 minutes I start to feel it coming up and start watching these trippy videos on youtube. I remember telling myself 'Wow, look at the colors' and couldnt believe I was seeing them in a black and white youtube video. At 11:45 I am seeing tracers HARDCORE. I'm moving around the mouse at the computer and the tracers are unbelievabley strong and it's getting hard to think. I'm thinking I timed this just about right. I finish closing up but I fumble around a little and the security guard might of thought something a little strange was happening to me, I think mostly because I didnt want to make eye contact, My pupils must have been dialated as hell.
<br>
<br>
So I leave work and I'm exstatic. The ground seems so strange, like it's made out of plastic, the way the lamp's light reflected off of it made it seem so. and I the last patrons from where I work pass me I believe, while I purposely try not to make eye contact. I just want to go home and trip, alone. On the walk home there is a building with three blue mercury lights that must have been at least 400 watts each, I can't tell you how surreal this all looked. It all looked SUPER CRYSTAL CLEAR. Oh my god, it was as if you were looking at a computer generated picture at an incredibely high resolution around the likes of 2048 x whatever else or a 500 Megapixel camera.
<br>
<br>
It was the day after Halloween and the guy working the card slider is wearing a witches outfit, and I dont know if it was the acid but the lighting seemed lower than usual. The elevator door opens to my floor and everybody is on my floors lounge playing wii in the lounge and I just go straight to my room. I could barely speak at this point. I get inside my room and turn off the lights. I can't play this off, there is strain in my voice and I can't concentrate so I try to act as if im going asleep cause everyone is awake from football game that apparently just let out. It's a dark room with only the light from underneath the door and my computer and alarm clock illuminating the place. Before long I'm seeing everything as if there is much, MUCH more light in there because my pupils are dialated and catching more light, but not only that, I'm seeing this myriad of colors as if there is a kaladiascope candle burning in my room. I marvel at this wondering how much stronger it's going to get.
<br>
<br>
I eventually turn on the lights, and I think, OK what am I going to do? I'm in stupor for a few minutes and then I do what comes naturally. I take off all my clothes. I look at myself in the mirror and appreciate how aesthetically built I look, but there was a point where I pondered myself looking warped and told myself I wouldn't go down that route. I started doing thise weird movements as if I was in a rave, or some mystical experience, kinda like that red hot chili peppers video where they're in silver and in a dessert. It feels so good, like I'm doing yoga or something, and it feels natural.
<br>
<br>
Chronologically it's been accurate up to this point. I have to use the restroom so I go outside my room and it's like 1:30 am and everybodies up! This never happens. I in another world and the guy adjacent to me passes and say 'Whats up?' with the most devilish eyes I can muster. I felt like he know and I wanted to smother any possibility of getting caught. But we pass. And I take a leak. It seems like everybody is awake and I came out of my room with only blue jeans tied around my waste. I feel so powerful and connected to the earth for some reason.
<br>
<br>
I go back to my room and get paranoid about that guy I gave the evil look too. I picture a set of events and believe the police are outside my door, like I KNEW all the events that lead up to this point clairvoyently. I also have had papaver somniforem pods in my room and maybe some xanax or something, I could get in trouble for this. I honestly contemplate everything out right there, I debate it in my mind asking myself what I want to do with my life and that all this could hinder my future. I start speaking in spanish saying 'mi futuro' and decide my future is more important than some silly drugs. It's a very profound debate asking myself what I want to do with my life and I just feel like I want to be a Zapatista, I'd be happy living in some autonomous farming region free from capatalistic exploition for someone's profit, I feel at one with this archetype of an earthy rebellious autonomous farmer warrior. My face looks warped as I grin. I have a nice smile and back in the day people used to call me 'the grinch' when I smoked pot, but I found a new philosophy here. A new profound way of life and told myself no matter what I do, I love what being a zapatista describes. I debated this for over an hour and I scribble things in my notebook which I'll post later in the story.
<br>
<br>
It's about 2:45 or 3 in the morning when I said 'I want this to end', so I grab an opium poppy pod and as I do I hear the delicate thing shake, like a baby's rattle and I picture in my heads thousands of generations of humans or their descendants shaking this death rattle proclaiming superior her queen, the china white, opium. It was evil and never felt a presence like this, it's was so much like an evil spirit I called it a demon. But I succombed and rationalized I just dont want to feel this acid anymore and chew on a pod, I let the demon inside me and say 'This isn't so bad'. and I chew about 3 when I start feeling the effects of the opium. At this point I feel like I am descending into the underworld or the jewish shoal which is a deep hole in the ground. It feels like you could be sleeping in shit and be relatively pacified with this bullshit drug, but it's helping me come down off this fucking acid. I consume more pods just wanting this trip to end and go to bed and its around three when I feel the acid less and go downstraires to bumb a cigerette off someone hopefully.
<br>
<br>
I see a friend I talk to, and im kinda quite, still unable to speak in coherence. I greet this friend with heartfealt reasurence and ask him if I could buy some ciggeretes off him, and he tells me hell just give me some. I can't speak much and he tries to tell me about this psychelic shirt he just bought for 12$ which is how much I bought the acid for and I look at him funny because that's how much each hit of acid was, I'm thinking 'He's got to know im on this shit.' and I tell him 'really cause im on acid.' and he makes a big hoopla about it trying to trip me out for about 5 seconds and tell him 'nah dude, please don't' so he backs off and we laugh. He tells me about how he tried 2c-I or some shit one time and felt the same. He tells me about how he can get a gram of shrooms for 5$ and I tell him, I just wish I could go to sleep. The first two hours were awsome, but acid lasts a long time, too long.
<br>
<br>
I smoke about 3 cigs and go back upstairs to my drug haven of opium poppies which look so fucking incriminating like some morbid bouquet of edgar allen poe. I chew on some more poppies just wishing to go to sleep and at around 5 in the morning I put on some music and I want to listen to something light, not anything like infected mushroom that sounds brilliant when you're sober (The messenger.. w00t!). I decide to put on one of my favorite videos 'God is God' by Juno Reactor which will give you nightmares sober. The video is even better on acid.
<br>
<br>
I just pretty much chill till about 7:45 and go downstaires to smoke my last cigerette. The sunrise is fucking beutiful. I stare at it thinking about if the storys of kids on acid staring at the sun and burning out their corneas are true so i look away and notice a jet that looks like a fucking space shuttle shooting to outside the atmosphere in jets of smoke. It's utterly amazing how everything looks so clear, I've never had acid like this before.
<br>
<br>
I go to the cafeteria and make some waffles and drown them in butter. I feel the opium and the acid and feel like I can finally go to bed soon. I couldn't feel the second waffle and head back to my room to try to get some sleep. I think I listened to some infected mushroom at around this time but it didn't sound as good as it does sober. I finally go to bed.
<br>
<br>
<br>
This is what I wrote on acid in my notebook:
<br>
<br>
'Este (this) thank you LSD for letting me feel a conxtion'
<br>
<br>
'Trash everything. I don't have anything except myself, e' encontre (I found)...'
<br>
<br>
'Cuero mi futuro ( I want my future). Q mal orita arriva de me (How about it is right now over me).'
<br>
<br>
'WHAT I SEE RIGHT NOW!!!!'
<br>
<br>
'Opium leafs on top of my 'Rules and Tools for Leaders''.
<br>
<br>
I see fucking msuhrooms &amp; I dont want any of that shit - adios.
<br>
<br>
What I see is bad
<br>
<br>
what is everything i dont want it anymore
<br>
<br>
My love for drugs has gotten me here.
<br>
<br>
'I need to get some excercise' (LOL)
<br>
<br>
OK I found another notebook with other stuff wrote seemingly chronologically before this:
<br>
<br>
sever your self off from
<br>
<br>
- 'Those people'
<br>
<br>
- The I-Net
<br>
<br>
-Cut all that shit away from you.
<br>
<br>
This drug, hard to believe less than 2 hours agoo.... I WAS SCOFFING AT IT!!!
<br>
<br>
<br>
I was saying how a few molecules can make you fell... you know... how you are on drugs [I was scoffing at the potency of micrograms of LSD]
<br>
<br>
And dude
<br>
<br>
-sever your shit away from all this crap right now!
<br>
<br>
This pen &amp; paper:
<br>
<br>
A prison, a state of mind,
<br>
<br>
or an entire fucking enviroment
<br>
<br>
man this is weird
<br>
<br>
it's just so artificial
<br>
like, man, i do have issues
<br>
at that's the real psycho (?)
<br>
<br>
What kind of warped view did I have of the military? What am I thinking when it comes to 'professionalism'
<br>
<br>
It's almost like WTF is wrong with me
<br>
<br>
Now dont throw all this out like some 'I HATE STRUCTURE' being
<br>
<br>
It's childish
<br>
<br>
How do I look in other peoples eyez?
<br>
<br>
There is some dark stuff here.
<br>
<br>
It's like im living like JFK here
<br>
<br>
What makes me put my head up to the table?
<br>
<br>
I feel like Kenned, but it's a delusion based on reality.
<br>
<br>
Like that girl I helped in a whelchair...
<br>
<br>
Fucking perversion.
<br>
<br>
[And this came written feeling the opium at at least 5 am]
<br>
<br>
I lost. I susseeded to the princess white who rattles the sweet.
<br>
<br>
I get off on feeling like shit.
<br>
I get off on
<br>
How in that movie I kept thinking
<br>
AN ALCOHOLIC SUCKING ON AN
<br>
INFANTS BOTTLE OF WHISKEY
<br>
So to have I banged those assuring &amp; peacefull somas
<br>
Inside an empty cush pod.
<br>
<br>
I need to wake up and not let
<br>
This apathy win. I just want to eat right now,
<br>
but I need to be awake on the fact that my grades have not been the best this semester because of xanax &amp; whatever!
<br>
<br>
Acid splits your mind like wide open
<br>
How can this shit be enjoyable?
<br>
regardless if anything i learned
<br>
I need to call my mother,
<br>
dont go in or troddiing aling with no purpose,
<br>
ADDICTION AND NO PLAN!! I have to take responsibility.
<br>
<br>
I feel like such an addict right now ehose been through (going)
<br>
rehab. I just want a waffle right now.
<br>
<br>
DONT YOU EVER FORGET
<br>
HOW THOSE PODS SEEMED
<br>
LIKE A DEVIL.
<br>
EVIL.
<br>
YOU ALLOWED YOURSELF TO BE TAKEN AND YOU ATE.
<br>
DON'T YOU EVER FORGET LOOSING AT THEM AND FEELING THEIR DEMONISH PRESENCE. CHINA WHITE.
<br>
It's a trap.
<br>
<br>
You could feel rattling those
<br>
pods centuries past. Evolution and
<br>
countles told of their story
<br>
-shake-shake-shake
<br>
-i-give-up-
<br>
(to-you-)
<br>
<br>
<br>
I only bought these opium pods one time and its not my thing though it felt OK, It does feel like a trap. Ive been through some trauma and wonder if maybe I shouldnt honestly be on xanax but i abuse that crap regardless. Opium felt like you could be laying in crap and you'd be content and that's not my thing. I just want to stop thinking about all the trauma in my life, acid kinda did the opposite of that. Was still an insightfull trip though and the truth isn't always easy to swallow.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 67031</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 27, 2015</td><td>Views: 2,012</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=67031&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=67031&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Various (28)</td></tr>
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</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
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<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I'm writing this not to describe a single acid trip, but my thoughts on the effects of many high dose trips. (usually between 4 and 8 hits). I had taken 1 or 1.5 hits several times with mild effects before going all out one night and blowing my mind with 8 hits. After reading other accounts I guess doing more than 4 might sound kind of irresponsible, but I generally never took less than 4. And this wasn't 'weak' acid, . . . which I found out after taking 'only' 2 tabs one one night, knowing my dad was coming by early the next morning. I was amazed at how hard I was still tripping only 2 hours before he was supposed to show up and ended up taking 2 valium just to try to come down a little, . . . which it did, a little.
<br>
<br>
So with low doses I had to wonder if I was tripping at all, . . . I wanted to go way past where there might be any 'doubt'. A friend of mine told me to take 3 or 4 if I really wanted to hallucinate. He told me he once saw a glass half-in/half-out of the floor, . . . and that he 'really saw it' . . . that was all the proof I needed. So I bought 20 hits, the first night I felt good and ready for it I took 8, and 45 minutes later was laughing hysterically at how the entire roof was moving, . . flowing, . . pulsing. From that point I regularly took between 4 and 8 hits, once or twice a month, and over a 3 or 4 year period. I'd twice bought around 100 hits so I was pretty serious.
<br>
<br>
I can never come close to describing just how amazing and intense an acid trip was for me. Another account I read did a pretty great job of it: he said it was like being in a room your whole life, only knowing that little room and nothing else, then you walk outside and everybody and everything is RIGHT THERE, waiting to greet you, . . . and everybody and everything is new and beautiful and great and you become one with them, and with everything. There was much more to it, but that's kind of the general idea. '
<br>
<br>
During an acid trip, I feel like I have moments where I know and understand everything there is to know and understand, but not really. I know and understand that too. Open eye hallucinations, where everything around you is flowing, pulsing into everything else. Closed-eye visuals where colors and shapes more beautiful than anything I've ever seen or imagined, become part of a tunnel I'm kaleidoscopically traveling though. Not just listening to music, or even hearing it, but SEEING it in it's physical form and color, and then feeling like I'm a part of it, . . . some kind of perfect sound. Colors, sounds, music, your surroundings, thoughts, memories, . . . everything, . . becomes just that, one 'thing', . . . nothing is 'separate' from anything else and IT'S VERY REAL.
<br>
<br>
Acid showed me this and explained it in a way that nothing else has been able to. Then I might start to wonder, and think, and laugh about myself, . . that I have a name that's a kind of word, which is made up of letters, and letters create words, . . and words are this silly, interesting way to communicate, and they're made up of letters, and each one has a shape and a sound, and they sometimes make different sounds when they're next to other letters, . . . . and sometimes they're just silent. And they've all been been invented for this funny, but very important reason, to communicate. Anyway, that's all just the beginning, . . there's MUCH MORE where that came from, and YES, IT WILL EVENTUALLY BLOW YOUR MIND. Believe it or not, someway, somehow, it happens.
<br>
<br>
I would lay down at this point and close my eyes. At this stage I was never able to 'think' about what was happening because 'thought' no longer existed. I wasn't able to think, I couldn't try to think, just experience. What I do remember is traveling million miles an hour through some kind of tunnel-chasm-vortex thing. The tunnel is somehow made up of everything in the universe and I was a part of it, or maybe I WAS it. Anyway, this went on for maybe a minute or so until the walls of the tunnel-thing started to close in and wrap around each other, becoming smaller and smaller until there's almost nothing, and then it explodes. That's a very basic description, but when it happens it's a kind of absolute perfection, in a way that you can't imagine or begin to understand until it's happening. And it doesn't last for very long, maybe a minute, but it's not supposed to, . . and I'm perfectly OK with that too. After this out-of-body feeling, I would eventually open my eyes and get up and walk around with my hands on my head, saying thing out loud to myself like 'OH MY GOD', 'YOU HAVE G-O-T TO BE KIDDING', and 'WHAT JUST HAPPENED?'.
<br>
<br>
This would go on for a few minutes until I would kind of 'ease' back into my trip. Everything is now even more amazing than it was 5 minutes ago, . . . but by now I might have to think a little about what's going on around me, maybe to try ask myself why things are SO different. Is it because I took 'acid'? THAT'S IT, i took 'ACID', . . . but WHAT'S 'acid' and who or what AM I? This was a response to try to hang onto reality, the one I was used to.
<br>
<br>
This is probably a good time to mention setting. Taking more than a few hit of LSD you'd better in a good state of mind and in a very good setting. I was about 23, 24 at the time, and felt pretty secure and comfortable with who I was. I lived in a 2nd story loft that I shared with my brother. It was a safe building in the middle of downtown Los Angeles, so I never expected any visitors. I would sometimes make calls to family or friends and say that I was going away for the next day or two, . . . to tijuana or something. I would also tell my brother, who lived in his own giant loft, IN OUR giant loft, that I was going to take a lot of LSD, so to just 'bear with me' if I start tripping too hard, . . . that I might occasionally venture out of my room and into his, . . . and basically to just not pay any attention to me. He always trusted me judgment and seemed to understand how important his role was in all of this. For the first year or so, I only tripped in my room, . . . the thought of actually being around other people while on LSD on high doses seemed like complete insanity to me, 'sitter' or not it still does.
<br>
<br>
I eventually moved into a guest-house in a big backyard where I was able to move around outside a little bit. There was of course millions of different possibilities outside. Clouds became even more amazing, pixelated, extruded cube-shaped, pulsing things. Trees were breathing, stretching their limbs, . . . the ground and grass undulating like water, moving in easy, gradual waves, . . . breathing also, or maybe the tree and the ground are breathing together, which is what I'm doing, . . . breathing, . . and maybe we're all just breathing together. OK, NOW what's happening, . . . 'acid' i took 'acid' and I'm 'tripping'. Or is 'acid' something I take to go 'back' to the the world I came 'from'? 'I', . . . what's going on, . . WHAT AM I, . . . and again, this is where I might start to question 'reality', and try to hang onto it, or maybe just let go of it?
<br>
<br>
I generally took 6 hits of acid. 8 if I felt bold, 4 if I felt even a little uneasy about anything. There was definitely a difference 4 and 6, and 6 and 8 tabs. I took more than 8 just once, when I took 12. I only took that many because it was all I had left and I thought it might be something new or different, which it wasn't. No complaints, it just didn't seem any different to me than taking 8 hits. This was the last time I took acid and that was about 8 years ago.
<br>
<br>
Acid helped me to understand what was and is important to me. It helped me to erase a lot of doubts, guilts and fears. I never had a bad trip, but had MANY terrifying, paranoid thoughts, . . usually as a result of watching any kind of tv, . . especially infomercials or a hard-core religious, tele-vangelist type program. Everybody just looked so fake, with tons of makeup, and saying ridiculous, obvious things, . . . . people don't REALLY believe this guy's for real, WAIT, YES THEY DO!! I used to wonder if these 'TV' people are some kind of crazy race of robots, grown on some weird farm somewhere and out of the ground as the characters they play. Then I would start thinking about the government and wild conspiracy stuff, but would usually turn away or try to focus on something else before I got too caught up in the weirdness.
<br>
<br>
I always remember LSD kicking in at 45 minutes, like clockwork. From that point to maybe 5 or 6 hours later always seemed like the 'peak' zone, where anything might happen if I was open to it. And for the next few hours after that I would still be tripping but without the insane, 'out of body' thoughts, feelings and possibilites. The next day I always felt mentally exhausted. Like my brain had just ran a 26-mile marathon that it had only trained about 2 miles for. I always tried to avoid anybody and stay inside. There was always something going on during those 'next days', but my mind just couldn't keep up anymore, . . and was probably ducking for cover. By 2 days later I always felt perfectly 'normal', ready to go to work, deal with people or whatever else.
<br>
<br>
One quick thing about tolerance, I would usually wait a few weeks or a month before using acid again. I once did 8 tabs after doing that same number one week earlier, and it 'only' had the effect of 2, or maybe 4 hits, so I never did that again. A month always seemed like a good waiting period.
<br>
<br>
So, to sum it all up, 4-8 hits of LSD, 2 days, good music, as safe and controlled a setting as possible, without the possibility of too many surprises, having a brother in the next room, . . . it led to some of the best experiences of my life, and it helped to to fully appreciate and be even more grateful for my family and friends, thoughts, memories and possibilities I have in this life here. I always felt like I was given a chance to know and understand some of life's most beautiful and amazing mysteries. This information was a gift, and it was up to me to use it, somehow, to live better, be happier, contribute, to grow and to be better, freer. I haven't done acid in years but just found out about the power of salvia and mushrooms. I'm definitely at the beginning of the next chapter of my life and I'm looking forward to it.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1996</td><td width="90">ExpID: 64602</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 27, 2015</td><td>Views: 2,797</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=64602&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=64602&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Glowing Experiences (4), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2/3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1/3 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">47 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
My first trip had been planned for two weeks. I was going to do it with two friends, one of them was an experienced tripper, and the other was doing it for the first time after 10 years. I had been thinking about acid absolutely every day for five or six months, I was fascinated and apprehensive, but needed to do it because my curiosity turned into an obsession was becoming heavy. The two weeks' wait helped me come to balance with the fear, and on Day -1, I was thrilled but calmer.
<br>
<br>
My mates met me on the train in the early afternoon of a nice day. We got off at a station by a forest... It was quite busy that day, kids and parents and dogs, but there was enough space, there were enough shady hilltops people wouldn't make the effort to climb. We sat by a trunk, and took the blotters. My friends took two and two thirds, and I only took two thirds, because I wanted to get into it gradually. Once the blotters were swallowed, we went and sat ourselves by trees dwelling on a field, chatting away. My experienced friend came up after about twenty minutes. She was actually going to remain ahead of us first-timers in terms of level. She had tracers and glowing colors, while we were getting slight giggles.
<br>
<br>
After a while we started feeling cold and decided to go for a walk. I couldn't actually tell if I had come up whilst we were in the woods, because they looked surreal no matter what...but I knew something was going on. We went to the public toilet, and our experienced tripper friend came out of there after a long time, having fallen in a completely different world. While we were waiting, us beginners were exchanging funny looks that seemed to ask: 'Is this it? Eh? Do you feel that?'. What was to be my catchphrase along the trip erupted around then:'how very foreign!'. I didn't know this feeling, and it was not overwhelming in an invasive manner. So I just embraced it. Taking one look at the sky proved that I couldn't be wrong, the sky was so beautiful that this experience I was having had to be something I'd be grateful for.
<br>
<br>
We returned into the woods, and sat ourselves on the top of a little hill. It was amazing, there were red squirrels running around, one of them came really close to us, it didn't touch the nuts we gave it...as if it just wanted to say Hi. Everything looked beautiful. We took the stuff we'd brought out of our bags. I had candy, chocolate bars, some crisps, pens and paper, an MP3 player, and orange juice (which I regretted bringing when our experienced friend said it was likely to take the edge off the trip - well, I drank some anyway and was fine). Around that time (probably an hour and a half after we'd arrived), I took a whole tab, and started drawing. That was really nice, I kept all the things we've done that day and watching and reading them again makes me very serene.
<br>
<br>
Some time after, my two friends (who had been plotting!!) threw a little plush squirrel at me. I was so taken aback that it sent me on the next level. How very foreign, and how uncanny was that little fake among the real ones that were coming to greet us. I drew the 'Mushroom house on a Hill', and wrote sentences like 'embrace otherness'...I was probably encouraging myself, although I had no feelings of fear whatsoever. I think I also kept myself from going into inconsiderate euphoria...because, you know...the higher you fly, the harder you fall. I started having mild synesthesia, I could hear colours. I was made the 'Master of Time', supposed to remind my friends of the time it was because we had to call another of our mates who was going to join us.
<br>
<br>
When he arrived, he was an amazing entertainer. He took all sorts of toys out of his bag, and he was just so trip-friendly. (he didn't take anything with us but we all knew he's very experienced) Apparently, the other first-timer was having a tough time there. We had to move on, change the setting. I was happy with whatever we decided, there was novelty and amazement everywhere I looked.
<br>
<br>
We walked back to the train station, among all the normal people... I found it quite funny, we tried to keep our mouths shut or just say things as mundane as we could. It actually made us laugh, the bollocks we came up with. On the train, I was once again fascinated by the sky...it was a beautiful day, I didn't make it up. The sky was a light, bright blue, and the white clouds formed gradients of light...I'll never forget the sky that day.
<br>
<br>
Anyway, we walked back to our experienced friend's flat - where the most fun was to be had, I think. The other first-timer started feeling better, and I dropped the other third of a tab I had left. I had another two thirds, but didn't take it, perhaps knowing what was to happen next. We put some music on and started playing trippy games - like, growing our fingers, juggling with the air or throwing an invisible boomerang that I didn't need to 'see'. I haven't hallucinated the slightest. My vision had gone different for sure, but I never saw anything that wasn't there. I saw everything in patterns, gradients, basically, it was made obvious that everything is composed of other things, that there is no unity, or, that unity is plurality.
<br>
<br>
My sense of touch was the most disturbing though, and made moving around a bit tough at first, as I could feel before I touched, while I touched, and after I touched, somehow, simultaneously... It made eating quite a fearful experience, because I was really afraid I'd badly bite my tongue, or bite my piercing and break my teeth. The taste of things though, once I got used to the temporal anomaly, was incredible. (I recommend cheese and crackers!) (and ummm, also, don't let anyone mention 'cheese mites' while you're eating cheese on acid...)
<br>
<br>
I found myself sitting in positions that made me feel balanced, and put me in the right state of 'reception'...I considered myself some kind of antenna for the energy of the world. I realised the importance of the notions of 'balance' and 'focus'.
<br>
<br>
Our non-tripping mate left after a while, and I gave a call to my boyfriend. He knew what I was supposed to be doing that day, but he thought I was 'sober' on the phone. That encouraged him to come round, and when he did, it occurred to me that I had two thirds left. He took the acid too, and it was great to have him joining in. (although he was sick with his brutal come up). Around then it must have been 8pm (we'd arrived in the woods around 1.30pm). We played games, drew stuff, listened to music. It was really a pleasant evening. I found 'my' sound of peace and the movement that went with it, the sound being something like 'wonw', a powerful vibration, and the movement, the swimming a squid.
<br>
<br>
I was playing with the mirror between my hands, there was no mirror, but I felt like there was one splitting my body in half, and to remain in peace I had to maintain the symmetry between each 'side'. I got a little scared thinking about what was between two mirrors facing each other. I really didn't want to know that. I think that's what triggered my downhill mental exhaustion. I started saying I was insane, and felt like I was. I acknowledged I was fine, but questioning everything like I did made my brains boil.
<br>
<br>
I also felt that I was alive, I felt what made me alive, and freaked out a bit when it occurred to me that if I wanted to die, I could easily just stop living. Fortunately, I said so, and the other first-timer who was almost down by then reassured me by asking if I wanted to die. I said no! and he said, there you go, that's why you won't. That taught me a valuable lesson that was to last. No more suicidal thoughts.
<br>
<br>
It was getting quite late, and everyone was more or less down already. I really wasn't, I was 'insanely tripping balls', as I couldn't help telling myself. That's why, if I were to change anything, I wouldn't have taken the tabs so long apart. The exhaustion was really hard to cope with. My two friends went to bed and I stayed in the living room with my boyfriend who reassured me, said I would come down and find sleep eventually. When he fell asleep, as the sun started rising, I finally stopped worrying and just went with it. I fell asleep around ten in the morning...
<br>
<br>
That is it for the trip itself, but I think its consequences are probably the most important. The next day, I was still very tired and confused. My ego was crippled. I was feeling down as well when I heard everyone cheerfully talking about their trip, when I just couldn't have any perspective on it yet. I was to have bad surprises when we came back home, discovering various exam deadlines that made me panic. I couldn't get my thoughts together and work for university...
<br>
<br>
So, I was on a bad slope. I'm incapable, I've lost my skills, I'm a loser. And the next day, hardly rested, I was bitter and angry and miserable, I'm a monkey, I'm an animal, I should never have taken acid. That's the only thing I'm gonna have to watch for my next trip, acceptance. Being a fighter by nature, I have a hard time accepting a condition induced by something external.
<br>
<br>
The actual problem was that I needed more (much more...) sleep. After the second day, I still felt strange but I was at least being logical, thinking that whatever changes had occurred in me, I'd get used to them and assimilate them as myself. Because we do change and evolve constantly anyway.
<br>
<br>
I would do acid again, when I have a reason and a good occasion to. Ever since this first time, I have had perfect days and enjoyed my life much more. This trip was very controllable, and that feeling of control remained in me. The power of suggestion and intention was made more obvious as well. I am happier, and I try to make people happy.
<br>
<br>
I think everyone can use a little bit of distance and perspective on their usual ways. But it has to be done with care, and a genuine desire to learn.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 66951</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 27, 2015</td><td>Views: 2,542</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=66951&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=66951&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 drop</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">80 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
In preparation of an event in the Nevada desert I had traded a tiny bottle of liquid LSD with a good friend. It was to be enough for 25 to 30 hits my friend said and after some research I decided to dispense what turned out to be 26 drops onto nicely colored sweet tarts, since this candy seemed to soak up the liquid reasonably well. Giddy I looked upon my pretty babies and decided to bring no more than 12 to this gathering because I did not want to have in my possession any more than I could use or give away.
<br>
<br>
We arrived at the gathering at early morning Monday and was happy to be awake and decided to set up camp prior to the hot Nevada sun became too overwhelming. My friends had a geodesic dome made out of metal conduit and it was a bit of a chore to get the structure together. Geodesic domes are basically built out of three different lengths of pipes all neatly arranged into stars and pentagons following a intricate pattern downloaded from the internet. After finishing the top three layers we decided to call it morning and sleep for a bit. The next morning we made some food, rested and tried to stay in the shade that we had created from the 3/5ths partially finished dome. As the day turned evening we once again set out to finish our shelter for the week.
<br>
<br>
Happy to finally be at this place I had prior only heard about I decided to bring out the sweet tarts and offer some to my dome building friends. We thought that this was a great idea and ate one per person with a wink and a nod. After about half an hour some of us started having a hard time concentrating and started to laugh as they tried to make sense out of the now fairly faint printout. The dome poles we had where painted red and black and also blue, to distinguish them from each other but the printout had it all different. Blue was black, red was red but represented a different length and our black was yellow on the print. There was also some mystical numbers representing the order of how it was all to be put together. To make things even more confusing I had had the plan folded in my back pocket the entire day witch had made the ink bleed through onto the opposite quarter of the page, mirrored. (I don’t know how it happened). Finally all participants except me fell out of the dome construction game and I was on my own thinking to myself that this should not be that complicated. After about another half an hour I finally had to give up and found that I could see only two places where I could not find matching poles to be attached.
<br>
<br>
At this point we all where pretty buzzed and we took some time to look at our surroundings. It seemed to us that the dome was indeed very large and kind of slowly rocking back and forth. A light breeze lifted the canvas we had on top of the dome in the most peculiar way and we felt a funny melancholy and we told each other that we had ruined our cozy low to the ground dome and turned it into a ball skeleton with a funny looking cap, a fragment of our secure shelter from the previous day. Giggling we told each other that we have to do something about that the next day realizing that there was no turning back at this point. We had brought bicycles to the event but decided to be safe as people where rolling in and looking for friend and campsites and it seemed a bit unsafe to bike around right at that time.
<br>
<br>
Instead me and my wife decided to take a look around on foot since we where new to the place and had pretty much stayed resting around camp the whole day. As it turned out the area we now entered had bright signs and lots of people with multicolored glowing glowsitcks and blinking light emitting diodes witch led to a visionary bubble bath of colors and confusion. I went into the “registration” tent where I saw the familiar glow of computer screens but when I walked up to one of them I found that I was unable to decipher the text nor was able to comprehend how to operate the machine. After some hilarious moments I retuned out to my wife without registering.
<br>
<br>
We met some friends from our hometown who was dressed in rather unusual vests with animal fur on the cuffs. They where friendly and took us for a magnificent ride on the backs of their modified bicycles. This time it was like moving into a unknown universe altogether with blinking lights and streams of colored matter all around us. The way we went was smooth and easy for the bikes to move fast from one place to the other. Our friends seemed to take no notice of our (me and my wife’s) obvious intoxication. At this point I do not think I was able to communicate with anyone else than my wife. Our friends rode us home (I guess they thought that was a good idea). We insisted however to stop at the bathrooms just a little bit away from our campsite. The bathroom felt very uncomfortable and all made out of my least favorite material, plastic. I felt thoroughly discussed and the fact that I could not distinguish my own pants from toilet paper made the whole thing even more peculiar. Up and down also seemed more like abstract phrases and I had difficulty recalling where the floor ended and my own body started. Went out to my friends and the sky was star filled and beautiful. My wife was clearly more sure of our exact location and was able to get home before me and I was alone with my friends. After what seemed an eternity I recalled how to walk across the road to our kitty-corner camp and we all stepped into the little area where our dome was. I was now in good spirit but felt a strong urge to cleanse myself since I still felt the aftereffects of the portapotty lingering in my mind.
<br>
<br>
At our camp people from the former dome-erecting crew was doing tricks in costumes on the soccer field right next to our camp (the soccer field was the brain fart from someone named Canadian Beacon, she chased people away but that’s a whole different story altogether) I was used to camping and had no problems to washing myself naked in the nature. This was indeed nature (but it more resembled the moon with RVs planted on it) so I set out to get myself a shower. The shower itself turned out a bit of a disappointment but I ended up naked and almost clean on a soccer field on this other planet. After some encouraging conversation also I thought it was a good idea to try to localize some new clothes. It was easier said than done because it seemed to me that some weird lady and not myself had packed the bag with my clothes, and I had a hard time finding anything that would feel like proper clothing to wear.
<br>
<br>
I ended up grabbing a wool bike shirt from back in the day and some denim pants. I found some socks and shoes also For some reason I wanted to avoid anything plastic and wanted only natural materials. Now it was time for some more explorations and me and my wife set out on bikes to see the lunar eclipse further out where all the blinking people where. However we hid ourselves away from the visual noise and sat down on a blanket close to a colossal green neon man sculpture standing on top of a green circus tent.. There we sat for about half an hour reflecting back on our previous hours while the moon in the sky turned brown and deep red. It seemed fairly still and gentle for a little while. Nearby some people are standing on a platform on top of a golf cart and we decided to go over and see what the locals where doing there. They where actually from Detroit or somewhere and seemed to just be hanging out watching the scenery and we just did the same with them.
<br>
<br>
Then something happens. A flicker of light rolls down the side if the circus tent and a small grey cloud is emerging from the right leg of the green giant statue. It was intriguing enough to make us stop our train of thought and pay a little attention. Now people around us seem to slowly and almost comical notice how the statue was on fire and no one seemed really sure of what to do. The statue also known as “The Man” was now clearly on fire and it spread up his leg. People from all over started to pour in and it looked as we where the epicenter of a highway of blue and red neon lights. My newfound friend from Detroit or wherever offers a drink of hard alcohol with seemed really a nice thing to have a taste of right then.
<br>
<br>
Fire pumps have suddenly appeared and people are yelling at them to stop their seemingly hopeless attempts of stopping the fire. From our raised platform we could se how the spouts from the engines could hardly even reach the base of the statue and it was quite the spectacle to watch the crowd getting wild down below. Eventually the hard work of the fire crew paid off and it was time to bike home to the nutty dome . It seemed like we where biking for a long time through streets thick with brown RVs covered with lunar dust and ash. Finally we arrive at our tent by the dome and just feel like sitting down for a while.
<br>
<br>
At this point my vision is in hiccup mode and everything I see seems to flash pictures three or four at a time. Its now getting very bright and it was time to call it a day. I had no problem sleeping and I believe we held each others hand, me and my wife.
<br>
<br>
We did not eat any more sweet tarts that week.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 65647</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 27, 2015</td><td>Views: 1,906</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=65647&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=65647&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/chocolate/">Chocolate</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 546:07</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It was New Year's Eve. The final day of a three night concert run by the band Umphrey's McGee. The weekend had been full of emotional peaks and valleys as I had given every ounce of positive energy I could muster to make certain that everyone involved was safe and having a good time. 15 of us piled into that hotel room that weekend, I certainly couldn't turn away old high school friends spun out of their minds on god knows in the middle of downtown Chicago.
<br>
<br>
One of the wayfarers offered me a homemade mushroom chocolate as we stepped out the door of the hotel room. It was about the size of two reese's cups stacked on top of each other and I somewhat drunkenly munched down the delectable treat with a smile. We hurried to the Red Line L-train for the 30 minute coast from our hotel to the venue. As follows is the timeline for the worst New Year's Eve ever:
<br>
<br>
7:15 p.m. - Chocolate consumed in good spirits.
<br>
<br>
7:30 p.m. - Train is boarded, seat is found, things are comfortable.
<br>
<br>
7:50 p.m. - normal anxiety and stomach aches begin to kick in and I become more aware of the force of the train beneath me and the mass of people inside its corridor. I am beginning to feel a little bit uncomfortable, but talk myself into believing it will subside.
<br>
<br>
8:00 p.m. - pillars and walls begin to bend and deform as the train races past them and the anxiety and uneasiness begins to shift into confusion and fright. I am unsure which stop to exit the train and frantically hoping to reach our destination as soon as possible.
<br>
<br>
8:05 p.m. - We arrive at the Lawrence St. Stop, the Aragon Ballroom is directly across the street from the train station, but I am having a hard time functioning. We stand in line and at this point I am in the full on throes of a mushroom trip.
<br>
<br>
8:10 p.m. - Security is passed and I nervously follow my friends as they waltz carelessly through the lobby and into the theatre. Taj Mahal is playing a ripping set but the music is too loud, the floor is too crowded... I'm freaking out. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">the music is too loud, the floor is too crowded... I'm freaking out.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
8:20 p.m. - I sit in the lobby near the women's restroom hugging a garbage can and manage a gag but cannot expel the fungus. I'm REALLY disoriented at this point. This place is a freakshow and I'm caught in the middle!
<br>
<br>
8:40 p.m. - after another 20 minutes of sheer terror, my friend Heather arrives and in my mind none too soon. 'she's here to save me,' I think to myself. She has to use the restroom but swears she will return.
<br>
<br>
8:45 p.m. - She returns and helps me stand and I try to relate to her my dire situation and we hug and she kisses me and a couple of times and smiles and tells me everything will be fine. I'm beginning to realize that she is in fact hammered drunk and is too far gone to help me in my state of panic. I ask her to catch me a cab, she says they won't let her back in so I tell her that I'll be alright and just need to sit out a while.
<br>
<br>
9:00 p.m. - I have switched to a more central location in the lobby and in a major last resort move begin calling out to random heady looking people that 'I'm tripping too hard and need some help'. Some answer brashly with responses such as 'buy the ticket, take the ride!'
<br>
<br>
9:10 p.m. - A young guy with big dreadlocks kneels down next to me. I am completely drenched in sweat, even my hair is soaked, and by now I'm actually crying a little bit. This is a complete and total nightmare; a traumatic experience no doubt.
<br>
<br>
Dudebrah: 'Hey man, you don't look so good. Can I help you?'
<br>
<br>
Me: 'My friend gave me some mushrooms and it's just too intense. I've been freaking out for a while now and I just want a taxi back to my hotel'
<br>
<br>
Dudebrah: 'well, let me tell you from experience that a hotel room is a terrible place to come down from a mushroom debacle as you are currently experiencing. And I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't have come here to spend your New Year's Eve if this wasn't your favorite band.'
<br>
<br>
After another couple minutes he ushers me up the stairs to the handicapped section of the theatre. 'Sit here and hang out. Nobody will mess with you. Just listen to the music and get what you can out of it. You know how it works, things will be cool again real soon.'
<br>
<br>
For the first 2 of 3 sets, I sit in the handicapped section with my eyes closed. The music is somewhat soothing, but only because it is familiar. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The music is somewhat soothing, but only because it is familiar. </div></div> I make it to the floor for the midnight balloon drop but refuse to walk out into the pit.
<br>
<br>
12:30 p.m. - I decide to beat the rush and take a taxi back to the hotel and get a few minutes in of non-stimulation. Of course, within another hour the crew shows up and are ready to party.
<br>
<br>
I don't know how many times that night I told everyone to 'shut the fuck up', but I was still way out of sorts until I finally caught a little shut-eye around 4 a.m.
<br>
<br>
Fast-forward a year...
<br>
<br>
New Year's Eve again. The first few months of this year were tough. It began with a major debacle and I was thrown off kilter completely. After turning 21 and moving into my own apartment, things started to turn around and I knew I'd have to return to the same spot again on New Year's Eve with a vengeance. I had bought a good amount of acid from the kid sleeping on my neighbor's couch. The stuff was great. I'd taken it over a dozen times by this night and started my day off with another dose. The effects were equally amazing every day and not once did I feel any anything negative: this stuff was clean.
<br>
<br>
7:30 p.m. I've already been out of my face on this stuff for the last 4 days (although with plenty of sleep in between) and I'm feeling great. My room this year has 8 people including myself and we are mellow and having a great time. We go through 7 bottles of champagne and a bottle of rum and decide it's time to get going.
<br>
<br>
7:40 p.m. We arrive at the train station. I eat another half of a tab. I have decided that it is much better to increase in half tab increments because they are less drastic but give me plenty of warning as to when I've had enough. And, even if I've already had enough and still have another half tab on the tongue, everything is still groove central.
<br>
<br>
8:10 p.m. After many jokes and high spirits, we arrive quite suddenly at the Lawrence street stop. This year has already been far more organized and enjoyable then last year and the excitement level is huge. I rush to the bar across the street to close my tab from the night before and immediately back to the line.
<br>
<br>
8:20 p.m. Security has just molested me at the door searching me more thoroughly then most prisons in this country. But I'm in like sin with 5 hooters of homegrown sour bubblegum and tin foil full of half tabs.
<br>
<br>
8:25 p.m. I have lost all of my friends but feel no panic. I ascend the beer-drenched stairs to the top and enter the dance floor. After a small amount of exploring, I find my friends in our usual spot for the run. Along with them are about 20 other people from my high school. It is beautiful. We are all looking and feeling so beautiful, enjoying our youth and celebrating the coming of another marvelous year.
<br>
<br>
11:55 p.m. - I'm having a great time, and so are my friends. Every once in a while I fill as many pint-sized beer cups with water, knowing that a good majority of us are on this great acid or a tenth of really great molly that the good phreakers are trying tonight. The band starts playing their last set which will take us through the arrival of the New Year until the wee hours of this beautiful morning. At this point, I'm probably on 5 tabs for the day, but about 3 since I left the hotel. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">At this point, I'm probably on 5 tabs for the day, but about 3 since I left the hotel.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
11:59 p.m. - 'This is it people, the end of 2007... Make this last minute count!' yells the band's lead singer. And as we dance and spin and laugh our way closer and closer to those magic numbers, I look around at my 2 dozen friends who have shown up tonight, and the thousands of other kids that I've never met experiencing this beautiful night, the light show becomes more intense, the band rages on with fire and we count '10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
<br>
<br>
12 midnight - HAPPY NEW YEAR! Without skipping a beat, the band breaks into Auld Lang Syne. A thousand balloons of assorted colors and sizes fall from the ceiling. I'm so in love with life, and I thank my lucky stars for granting me wonderful friends and the experience of such joy, and I thank myself for allowing it to happen. I am crying profusely, but not because I am sad, but because I am just so overcome with this emotion and relief as I hug my friends, some I've known a decade, some I met only this week. I know now that everything is truly alright and that I've been ready all along to make this year one of the best of my life. It has certainly started out that way.
<br>
<br>
2 a.m. - We return to the hotel to eat, drink, smoke and enjoy each other's company. Our room has a view of Lake Michigan straight ahead of us, and the chicago skyline to our left. The lights are enchanting and psychedelic and we are all enchanted and out of our minds.
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<br>
7 a.m. - Some of us have gone to sleep, but one of the girls and I hang out in the hallway stinking it up with cigarettes and super chronic herb for hours until we finally collect our spot in one of the beds and drift into carefree sleep. It is January 1st, 2008 and for the first time ever, I have rung in the New Year partying with my friends in a controlled, enjoyable manner. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">for the first time ever, I have rung in the New Year partying with my friends in a controlled, enjoyable manner.</div></div> We were all safe, we all had fun and nobody got too fucked up. All in all, it was a love-fest and the best new beginning I could've ever asked for.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68180</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 31, 2015</td><td>Views: 3,594</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68180&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68180&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Mushrooms (39), LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Retrospective / Summary (11), Large Party (54)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 line</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> bumps</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 drop</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/amphetamines/">Amphetamines</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
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I was ready to go. I had some cash (borrowed I might add) and I was wearing my favourite clothes. My hair was done, and a few beers had already passed through me. 2009 New Year's baby, yeah. And I was ready to go.
<br>
<br>
People started to arrive at my place, most of them I had never met in my life. All sorts of alcohol was getting consumed, and I was in on it. I wanted to get off my face. And when people started to disappear into rooms to snort ketamine, I was quick to follow behind to get my line. And of course, when the girl next to me offered a dab of MDMA, I appreciated the offer and accepted accordingly.
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<br>
At some point we were all walking. We were all walking forever, we were lost, but I was happy. The countdown had happened and, as much as it was somewhat of an anti-climax, we knew the party hadn't even begun.
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<br>
Eventually by putting our numbed-out heads together, we found the Alchemy Records psytrance party, and within 2 minutes of walking in, my friend spots an acid dealer he knew. Drop on my hand, licked it up, ok, so that's that, it's going to be an acid party.
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<br>
We explore. Some friends go one way, some go another. I drink a beer and then I drink another beer. It reaches an hour, but still nothing. I hate waiting for the come-on with any drug, but I knew it was best to wait before I take any more. More time passes, I dance. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I hate waiting for the come-on with any drug, but I knew it was best to wait before I take any more. More time passes, I dance.</div></div>
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<br>
And then it hits me, and it hits me well. All I can keep saying is 'Guys! This acid is really f**king good!' I am smiling at little things from the corner of my eyes. I want to do something, anything, so my friend suggests getting some nitrous balloons, and I agree.
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<br>
A bunch of us go, and I'm tripping balls. We each get our balloon and my friend starts to hit his right away. Fine. I would much prefer to sit down somewhere, but fine.
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<br>
I know how to make balloons work very well, so I did. Inhale a bit, blow the balloon back up, inhale a bit, blow the balloon back up. Hyperventilation, while should never be encouraged, is a hefty kick in these circumstances. Next thing I know, it happened.
<br>
<br>
I died, basically. And the first thing I was aware of was that I had died before, many times. I no longer knew who I was, but there was a force so much bigger than me all around me. A definite conscious being, it addressed me without any words, it was a part of me and it loved me. It really loved me, unconditionally. So much love to the degree that I had never felt before. And then I knew the answer to the whole universe, and it was a joke. I can't even begin to remember or even imagine what it was, but it was THE epic cosmic joke. My reaction was 'God has a sense of humour!' Life was just meant to be blissful and not taken seriously all this time, and love was the basis of it all.
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<br>
But then there was even more to the joke, an added punch line after punch line. And every time I thought it couldn't get any funnier, it did, and every time 'he' told me the next part to the joke, all I could think was: 'I have heard this one! I remember this one! I remember everything now!' And the presence loved me, and it seemed to tell me that it knew I had heard this one. And I laughed, harder and harder and harder.
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<br>
The first thing that made me think something was up, was that I was laughing so hard that I was banging on the floor. The floor? That doesn't make sense, I'm dead. My friend lifted me off the ground and that’s when I got another realization. My life was playing backwards. It was starting from the point I died and was now going to play itself back to me in rewind. And I was kind of bummed, I just wanted to die with that presence for all eternity and now I had to watch my life all over again? In reverse??
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<br>
Of course, that wasn't the case. I soon realized that there were people all around me, strangers, staring at me. My friends were trying to get me up and far away from the public eye. Wow. From reaching Nirvana to suddenly being so painfully embarrassed. Nice. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Wow. From reaching Nirvana to suddenly being so painfully embarrassed. Nice.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
Regardless, it didn't change the fact that I had just met God. I told people I loved them, and we all loved each other just on a fundamental basic level. No matter what, we were based on love. And we were all one and the same and part of something beautiful. It lasted for hours, right up until I had a line of speed, and then I felt kind of dirty again.
<br>
<br>
Nobody knows what time we left the party, but it was broad daylight, on New Years day, 2009. And I was still feeling great. We went to some shop in Camden and then started our final leg of our mission home. That was when I got the text.
<br>
<br>
'David died this morning.'
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<br>
David was one of my best friends, back in my country of South Africa. I had spoken to him via the internet almost every working day for 3 years. I saw him practically every weekend. He was a one of a kind guy that I wouldn't even try explain to you here, because I couldn't. David. Had died.
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<br>
We phoned my friend and he told us what happened. Cocaine overdose. That idiot. I had done my research, and have done a lot more since then, and it is my understanding that a cocaine overdose is extremely rare. Almost unheard of. I know people who do full grams in one line, and David wasn't one of them. I have no idea how much he took, but it must have been a lot.
<br>
<br>
'Well, this sucks' I thought to myself and kept walking. Each step felt like I was falling deeper into numbness, a surreal world of complete dissociation. One step. Two steps. By the fifth step, I fell. And I cried. I cried so hard it felt like my guts were going to come up. I felt tears come out of my stomach, tears that probably should have been cried 10 years ago came out. And as pathetic and as agonizing it was, it felt good in its own way.
<br>
<br>
Now let me remind you, I am on the side of the road of Camden Town. It is New Year's Day, and it is around lunch time. We were not alone, but I didn't even know those people existed. To me there was only the pavement and my dead friend. I was bawling like a child, I didn't cover my face; I looked people in their eyes. I wish I could show you how hard I was crying, but remember that I was still on LSD at that point, and not to disrespect the absolute sincerity of my grieving, I am sure it played a part.
<br>
<br>
We walked a bit more, and then I'd stumble. Cry and cry. Eventually get up, and try again.
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<br>
I reached home and went on the net and there were my friends, all talking about it on facebook. We were all destroyed; the coolest guy we had possibly ever met was gone. I cried for 5 hours, until I think my tears ran out. And I haven't cried since.
<br>
<br>
I could go on, but I would rather stop now and summarize by saying this: When I thought I had died back at the party, it was the best feeling in the world. And when it abruptly came to my attention that I was still alive, I was so disappointed. And even though the memory is very hazy now, I can remember hoping that death was just like that. Because if it is, we are all in for the funniest joke of our lives.
<br>
<br>
And it is my only wish that David felt that way when he passed. I can imagine cocaine overdose to be somewhat unpleasant, but maybe when he crossed over, he met God. And he got the eternal joke. And he stayed there in perpetual bliss.
<br>
<br>
Just as an after-thought: my friend suggested that it was possible that I 'died' at the same time that David died. From what I have heard, this is extremely likely. And maybe for that moment, our souls touched, or greeted, or whatever. And maybe he was aware of it, and he was saying goodbye. I would never be so quick to believe in that conclusion, but something like that would have been the most beautiful moment in my life, and David, I love you. Thank you for everything you crazy, crazy man.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 76597</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 1, 2016</td><td>Views: 7,569</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=76597&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=76597&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40) : Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3), Large Party (54)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">50 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This was not quite my first LSD experience but it's one of my favorite ones to date. It was my 12th trip on LSD and the first report I’m translating to English on purpose because it's one of the few experienced I’d like to share with more then just the Dutch. It was mostly a very interesting experience visually. I found the visuals of this experience to be extremely typical for a medium to high dose of LSD which is why I assume it might be interesting to read especially for those less experienced and maybe recognisable for the more experienced psychonauts.
<br>
<br>
I was mainly looking for a visual experience in a party setting prior to the trip. My trip before this one had been a very mild dose and not overly interesting due to the location. It ended up more of a social relaxing night spiced up by some nice visuals. Mainly because of that I was looking for a full blown psychedelic experience once again. We decided on the perfect location; a squatted hippie village where they have monthly psy trance parties. The main dance floor is in a squatted church which with the natural church acoustics leads to possibly the most impressive sound system ever, although it's an acquired taste, people tend to love it or be annoyed by it. One more background fact might be that I had been in that village often as a child because my mother was friends with a few hippies there and they shared a field nearby where they kept horses and I’d often come along. This place isn’t just a good location for a party but also something connected to my entire youth and childhood, making the experiences there always feel a little deeper than the ones outside of Ruigoord.
<br>
<br>
So for the experience itself:
<br>
Once we arrived at the party we sat down at the church first. We decided to take the LSD at exactly 11 pm, because that would make it easier to know the duration of the trip once we’d be in it. We walked down a little street next to the church that goes to a large body of water held back by a dike. We always take that dike as point of rest in any trip so we decided it’d be a nice and calm place to take the drug. I took 2/3rd of a hit I had left, the amount I took would be an estimated 100 ug as hits of this sheet had been tested in a lab and were found to contain 175 ug on average, which even here is considered a high dose for one hit. My friend Maria took half a hit but at the time she’d always take a bit less then I would.
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<br>
We quickly headed back to the party and sat down at the exact same place we had been before. After about fifteen minutes the well-known feeling in the back of my head started showing up but visually the trip had me waiting a few minutes longer. We decided to head outside again and check the official chill out, which is a small gnome house where they serve chai tea. When we were in there the trip started showing up visually, with mostly fractal like patterns on the floor. At that time we had no idea what visual madness would be waiting for us that night.
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<br>
For some reason we decided to leave the rather comfortable home, possibly because I got the feeling my face was being boiled on one side by the heater in there. I’m not sure what we did up to that point but by now it was around midnight and the visuals were slowly but steadily building up. We decided to go for a little walk to the dike again. This time we found a cat that decided to follow us there. Maria found the cat a little annoying but I found it good company. When arriving on the dike we came to the conclusion it was very, very dark and we couldn’t even see where we were walking. I was feeling quite up for the walk even though we couldn’t see where we were going but Maria was a bit anxious about the darkness and the fact she couldn’t see where she’d put her feet. We decided to walk a bit further but once we got to a point where there's a row of trees Maria decided she didn’t want to go on walking the round. I then suggested using glowsticks as torches but that was a very stupid idea, mostly due to the fact they were far too bright and blinding us, leading to the fact we saw even less of where we were heading.
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<br>
We walked on for a bit holding the overly bright glowsticks behind our back. I told Maria if we’d just walk on in a straight line it would be easy enough to just get there but she really didn’t want to. During the walk on the dike the visuals were slowly building up to the peak. I mostly noticed when we turned aroud to walk back. The middle of my vision was a line and both halves were mirror images of each other, and I literally saw no path at all, just water. On good faith I walked back, using my feet to feel if I was walking or ground or on water, I wouldn’t have been able to tell visually. With some luck we did not fall into the water and managed to make it back safely. We walked back to the gnome house but unfortunately it had completely filled up with people. When looking at the church door we could see it was pretty obvious that was not a place for us to be either. We decided to sit on one of the blocks they had put there for people to sit on. There was a tree right in the middle of my vision which I didn’t quite enjoy but we decided to stay there and smoke one joint anyway. After complaining about the tree blocking my vision for a while we decided to sit somewhere else.
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<br>
For unknown reasons we decided that wasn’t the place to be either but we left the glowsticks. We walked around for a bit feeling a bit out of place with no good place to just sit and stare at the visuals so after a while we decided to sit at the block with the tree once again. By lack of anything better to do I decided to look at the gravel and wow!! The gravel was completely made up of faces, with hands on them and a sort of skeleton like trees, and all of them moved and pulsated in the rhythm of the ever changing patterns. The patterns would constantly shift as well from completely abstract and beautiful multi-coloured fractals, and if I’d look closer they’d change back to faces and hands. I asked Maria what she saw in the gravel, she said it looked like little houses. At the moment I had asked that the faces became half face and half house, which obviously looked a little odd. While I was speaking out loud what I saw I looked on. Some of them were so odd I couldn’t find words at the time for them. One of the most insane ones were backwards praying plaque suffering christians in massive circles that kept letting themselves fall back and the moment they’d hit the ground they were bones and then dust. One moment later it was a giant field of cats that kept all rhythmically moving their heads, and all of their eyes together were another multi-coloured pattern that moved on itself.
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<br>
The trees in the distance were growing in and out and all the branches grew out more branches and they all kept moving just this tiny bit further then I expected they would, the tree looked like it had more then one dimension at the same time and some parts would slide down, some up and each time it’d move I felt this wave of amazement. I had some interesting thoughts at this point but they mostly consisted of a feeling of wonder at what the LSD was doing to my vision and are extremely difficult to describe. Every tree I’d look at would move in this odd way, and if I’d look back to the gravel it started morphing straight away. Also the church was part of the visual madness, it would grow, collapse, shift to the side, the other side, into itself and up again, like it was dancing to the music that was coming from it. We decided to take one look into the gnome house as it was quite cold outside but unfortunately it was still filled completely with people.
<br>
<br>
We sat down again on some blocks a little closer to the gnome house and ended up in conversation with some of the people that were also sitting there. They were looking for LSD but we had brought leftovers for ourselves to take so we had nothing to share with them. One of them gave us the advice to walk to the dike but we laughed at that saying we knew exactly what that dike was like. After I rolled two joints there and we had talked some more to the friendly strangers we walked back to the dike. The cat followed us once again, Maria still didn’t like it. I was in a very cat-inspired mood so I enjoyed the fact our companion for the moment was a cat. While walking down the path I kept seeing ‘people’. They were two dimensional and black and not very detailed. They’d constantly appear in the middle of the path and then fall sidewards and the moment they hit the side of the path they’d turn into trees. The visual was almost a pattern in itself, very odd to look at it. In the end it turned out there were real people as well besides the tree people and we found ourself in no state to communicate with even more strangers so we quickly headed back.
<br>
<br>
Unfortunately it was a cold night, it was almost freezing and especially Maria was annoyed by this, as I personally can tolerate cold quite a bit better then she can, especially when on LSD. As time passed the cold got so annoying we decided to warm up for a bit in the church, which was the dance floor. This was overly, overly full and we got the feeling we didn’t even fit in there. The faces of the people were morphing and it looked surreal, but mostly very crowded, not very pleasant so we left very quickly. We decided to go for another and third walk around the dike, we tend to walk around a lot while tripping. I found it to be a good way to release some of the energy it gives making the experience mentally much more mellow. The clouds at the dike were as impressive and the gravel had been earlier that evening. Everything turned into this beautiful mass of dancing patterns and the trees were beautiful moving black silhouettes on the sky line.
<br>
<br>
We were sort of still looking for a nice place to find some rest but apparently this party didn’t have a permit for a camp fire so there wasn’t any place that wasn’t either over crowded or very cold. While walking around I heard bird sounds that were equally fractalised as my entire surrounding. The world was a psychedelic painting that went through all my senses. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The world was a psychedelic painting that went through all my senses.</div></div> A few strangers attempted a fire anyway but it only lasted for about 15 minutes as people came to put it out even quicker then it took the people to make the fire in the first place. Here another visual peak of the trip came. I realised at some point just staring into the space that each time I’d blink the world would be sort of reset, and the visuals would start again from the real world. I decided to not blink for a while and see what it would do. My theory proved to be true as while I kept my eyes open the trees would move further apart and become much more fractalised. From time to time everything got really blurry, then moved extremely fast and became extremely sharp. New patterns started shaping in between the trees and then I kind of had to blink because my eyes got a little dry so I went for a second try.
<br>
<br>
This second attempt, two trees in the distance started rising up in a sort of bow. They got arms and started dancing around and moving as if they were people, it was extremely realistic. There was a tiny trunk in the middle and they made movements with their arms as if they were caring for it. I was stumbling in amazement and couldn’t even tell Maria the impressive thing I just saw. We finally found some space in the gnome house (at 5 am) and quickly rolled a joint in there. It was still a little uncomfortable being with so many people in such a small space so we decided to walk around around the field once more. Maria was finally convinced it was light enough to walk the full round so finally we went ahead. The walk was comparable to the previous two times. Around the water the clouds and trees still reminded a lot of fast shifting fractal art, I moved my hand across my vision and the tracers merged in with the other patterns already there. On the way to the trees I couldn’t see the path, it again looked as if there was water in front of me but I could see a few meters before my feet, so I knew I was walking on (heavily patterned) ground.
<br>
<br>
Even though it was still very dark we managed to make the end of the round safely and we sat down in front of the gnome house. I had been carrying a french bread in my bag all that time and decided to eat a bit of it. For some reason that really warmed us up so the cold was eliminated from that point. I must mention it was also getting light a bit. We socialised quite a bit with the people around us at this time, I listened to a conversation for a while some other people had and was surprised how such a normal conversation was held at a party like that.
<br>
<br>
From the church we could see the first people going home so we had a chance of being able to dance without being squeezed together in a too tiny room now. As we saw that we decided to go into the church to attempt to dance. It was still very crowded but there was some space to move around so we decided to dance for a bit. The music wasn’t quite perfect though, we couldn’t get into the rhythm properly so we went back out. This was the first time we fit comfortably in the gnome house so we decided to sit there for a while.
<br>
<br>
The few people who were sitting there as well turned out to have been in the same school I was in a few years earlier and two of them turned out to be members of a Dutch drug-related forum where I am the moderator. That led to good conversations and we smoked joint after joint there, finally having the time to do the relaxing we had been waiting for all night. Outside the sun had come up and it was quite a lovely morning. Not as cold anymore and somewhat sunny. One of the people we ran into had taken a lot of MDMA and his eyes kept rolling away but it didn’t disturb me at all. The patterns by now were moving a bit less heavily but the trip hadn’t come down that much yet. While talking there I could hear some good fast and psychedelic beats coming from the church so we decided it was time to dance psychedelic.
<br>
<br>
While dancing I lost all track of time. Everything around me seemed faded and I kept thinking strange sentences while the music seemed to move me instead of me moving to the music. One of the sentences I thought was, I want to put the now into the everything. I had been thinking about the concept of time a lot <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had been thinking about the concept of time a lot</div></div> as it was slowed down and the ‘present’ seemed to be a much wider concept then it usually is. After dancing for more then an hour we were finally hot instead of cold so we decided to go outside and cool down. Sitting down on the block near the gravel again I saw the same complicated colourful patterns as easily as in the night even though now the sun was shining. The visuals were only just starting to get a little less strong, this was one lengthy heavy trip. We decided, after we had cooled down, it was the perfect moment to dance so we went back into the church which was now even getting quite empty. This time dancing seemed even more amazing then the previous time we had done it. I decided for that moment LSD can be quite a party drug if you know how to party. I thought much and nothing at all in the same time. There weren’t many words but many visions in my mind, words didn’t fit onto my thoughts at that point.
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In a strange way it seemed like I had infinite energy, it was around 7.30 in the morning, possibly even later and I was dancing like I couldn’t do anything else in the world. It wasn’t even me who was dancing, the music was dancing me and had become a part of me. I couldn’t refuse the music. Maria did not have the endless energy I had so we decided to go check for the bus times. Together. That would still be another hour away and seeing as we had to wait anyway I convinced her to stay a little longer. Until the end we sat on the block, danced briefly for one more time and around 10 am we finally left the party to go home. At home I still had visuals and thus unavoidable LSD insomnia so it took till far past noon before I finally slept.
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It was a very fulfilling trip. Even though the report doesn’t show it, it was quite social, while both Maria and I were socially quite shy at this time of our lives, it seemed like a bit of a breakthrough on that point. Also the visuals, as described as best as I can above, were well impressive and added a lot to a beautiful experience.<!-- End Body -->
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<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 77295</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 18, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,815</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=77295&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=77295&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), General (1)</td></tr>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
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I am currently a Reiki practitioner who is committed to a deep spiritual path and planetary healing. For several years, I tripped on mushrooms and/or LSD with spiritual intention, and have come to regret it. I also used cocaine and marijuana regularly. At my heaviest use, I ate 1-2 handfuls of mushrooms every day for 3 weeks.
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I began to change my opinion about these substances after I was connected to a shamanic practitioner, who was guided to do a soul retrieval for me. She discovered that my energy field had turned to Swiss cheese, and many individuals and entities were sucking my energy. I would try to protect myself, but was not able to generate the energy because of the holes in my system.
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I encountered her after my life got seriously off-track. I am college-educated and from a loving home, yet I ended up house-less and without any income and monitored by an FBI informant. And all the while, I was engaging with these substances with spiritual intention and awareness of their history and a sense of reverence. I was not fully empowered in my practice and could not recognize the subtle ego that was creeping into my so-called spiritual practice.
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More recently, I connected with an elder shaman who taught that 'drugs are the gateway to the dark side,' especially when used without a trained shamanic guide. I have experienced a lower consciousness and a higher susceptibility to acting out low-level behaviors if I use a substance (even weed) or am around others who do. It is very subtle. Because I meditate regularly and live in joy and light thanks to the Reiki, I notice when I am suspended in depression or despair and know something is amiss.
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I read a channeling from Jesus where he stated that we give our free will over to these entities, who offer us spiritual insight in exchange for taking our personal power and directing our energy toward darkness. The spiritual gifts and visions that are granted are not worth it. Spending time connecting with nature and yourself in solitude offer similar, more lasting gifts, without negative repercussions.
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While tripping, I found myself naively purchasing and wearing traditional reverse pentagrams (which represent the triumph of matter over spirit and connect the wearer with 'evil') and casting spells that were aligned with ego and attempts to control other people. Years later, Albert Hofmann repeatedly came to mind, and I pushed it away because I had stopped tripping. I finally realized he wanted me to channel him. I began channeling him, and he gave me directions for how to activate a ceremony that would help heal the dark forces I had unleashed in the collective consciousness through my misguided mix of hallucinogens and magical practices.
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And now, my home is filled with a dark entity who has been feeding off of me and my housemates by reactivating our substance use in subtle ways. We were living sober, but began occasionally smoking weed because it was a gift to our home. The energetic effects have been slowly ripping our community apart by creating distance, separating us from our hearts, and activating our weakness/failure programs so that we feel isolated and depressed or angry. We found out the home used to be occupied by a drug dealer and are going to do intensive lightwork to clear the energy. We were up all night last night with violent dreams and intense nightmares as the entity attempted to keep our vibration low enough for it to feed off of.
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So, please beware of the energetic context and subtle effects of engaging with hallucinogens and make a responsible choice. If I had read this myself several years ago, I would not have taken it seriously or fully understood the importance of this message. I now know being fully empowered to live in service to light requires addressing the underlying issues that led me to seek out substance use. Living with Reiki is like being high all of the time, but without escaping from the world. The appearance of the world is remarkably similar to that when I am tripping on mushrooms, but without any energetic hangover or darkness. It is pure love and light Feeling the gift of the Holy Spirit also brought me higher than any drug. There is a lot of collective pain that needs healing and is getting trapped by well-intentioned individuals allowing their personal power to go to darker forces through engaging with substances like hallucinogens.
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Please check in with your inner guidance or dream teachers to discern your spiritual truth. Engaging with marijuana, cocaine, LSD, and mushrooms has been highly problematic for me in my attempt to live in balance and walk in beauty.
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[Reported Dose: 'Multiple doses near daily use over a year']<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 92962</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 22, 2016</td><td>Views: 6,134</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=92962&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=92962&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Yoga / Bodywork (202), Mushrooms (39), LSD (2) : Not Applicable (38), Post Trip Problems (8), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">300 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
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<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
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<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
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<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">50 kg</td>
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People: Me, female, at the time 19 years old and 50 kg and boyfriend Ri, 22, male, 73 kg.
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Substances: LSD, plenty of cannabis, some nitrous, a tiny bit of alcohol and a tiny bit of ketamine.
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Dose: Me on +-300 ug, Ri on +-150 ug
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Location: My house
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At the time of this trip I was 19 years old and it was my 22nd LSD trip, my trip companion was my boyfriend Ri, for who it was only the 2nd time of trying LSD; this difference is quite relevant to the report because it added a lot to my thoughts and mindset.
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The setting wasn’t quite ideal but had its upsides, it had been a rainy day and due to circumstances we only got to my house at midnight. It was already late and when I got home the first thing that happened was getting a phone call my grandfather's mother only had a few more months to live, I knew she was in her 90s already and has had a fulfilling life so I didn’t expect it to influence then trip too much, it was still a harsh realisation though.
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Around 0.30 AM we took the LSD, I gave Ri who was less experienced two hits and took three myself. Just before we took it and while waiting for effects I was complaining most of my LSD trips were mentally so calm, not confusing and just a lot of visuals basically, and how I felt like doing some good old mushrooms again for some proper tripping confusion and weird thought loops. I was feeling like having a really hard trip but I wasn’t too sure why. The hits of LSD were lab tested and confirmed to be 60-70 ug of LSD each, that's possible in the Netherlands because we have drug purity testing points in every major city where you can have your drugs tested on both purity and dose at a lab.
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About 20 minutes after taking them Ri said he was already getting some decent visuals and feeling the come up. I felt some early effects too, but found the come up to be a bit slow until this point. He was overwhelmed by the beauty of his visuals and I noticed I saw patterning on the wall, quite fractal like, my vision had gone overly sharp and I noticed my furniture was both moving in a breathing-like way as well as buzzing a bit. I was annoyed though by how amazed Ri was, he was just saying ‘wooow’ the whole time while looking wide-eyed at my wide ceiling, so I looked there too, and noticed a pattern but I wasn’t nearly as amazed, I had seen these things often enough anyway. Well, it bothered me to the point I figured I should take more, so I took the other half hit he had left, and 10 minutes after that a whole other one too. That makes the total dose I consumed in about 30 minutes around 300 ug. At the moment it just felt good, and the more hits I took the more I started looking forward to the trip, and I figured if I was feeling good about it now that would just last.
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No more then half an hour later I was caught in the same amazed state, the patterns were flying through my vision, overly bright neon colours dominated my vision and things moved like they had rarely done before. Auditory hallucinations where more apparent then usual and every spoken word and sentence would echo through the room in sound and image. All my senses blurred together, much more then the normal ‘the patterns and the surroundings are moving to the music’ effect of lower doses, now every sound echoed on in this odd way and I would see the echo ripple through visual reality. We had planned to watch the DVD Earth in the trip for some amazing visuals, but since I couldn’t find the DVD anywhere I had just prior to taking the LSD started a download, we’d have to wait for it to finish for more then two hours so we were thinking about what to do until then.
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While waiting we decided to walk into my living room, there the neon colours were just as bright and moving through the room and the patterns just kept growing more complicated and detailed, larger and more and more obvious. I attempted to look outside for a while, where I could just see masses of morphing patterns and fractals that kept growing more and more complicated, in the colours of what the street is normally like. First faces appeared in the patterns, then entire people, also neatly distributed over my visual field, and after that a fast stream of all kinds of different semi surrealistic images that were still completely fractal like patterned. The entire thing was pulsating and sliding around so I moved my vision back inside. Ri was standing a few meters away and every few seconds he would completely disappear behind the bright and mutating fractal like patterns. Him standing in bright light a few moments later didn’t help one bit, even then, and with the extreme colour difference between him and the white wall behind him I would still see him twist into fractals into the wall and the patterns on it and he would again completely disapear into the visuals.
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I managed to walk back to my room and found my computer, where a friend on msn had asked over 15 minutes ago how my trip was. The only thing I typed back (I type blind, so typing on psychedelics goes fine for me) was “fractals, lots and lots of fractals.”. That's was about the best I could describe it. These visuals were exactly like visuals always are, only they’d transform and mutate further and everything would move and twist and fractal into other things where eventually I wasn’t even slightly able to tell what I was actually looking at. If I looked around fast enough I didn’t get time to develop to full visuals and I could see where I was <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text"> If I looked around fast enough I didn’t get time to develop to full visuals and I could see where I was</div></div>, but if I kept staring it would go to the point I’d see only visuals and nothing else.
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We decided to go back to my room, where I had all my stuff. I attempted to pour myself a cup of tea, which failed, mostly because the tea pot is already leaky, so there was tea on my desk and keyboard. In a very serious voice Ri said I should get some paper and clean it up, where I first had thought “what's so bad about a bit of tea on my desk”. I took his words very serious because they sounded like that and went out to look for a roll of toilet paper. By blinking fast (each time I do that the visuals reset for a moment and if you’re fast enough it gets almost no chance to start morphing enough) and looking around a lot I was again able to navigate by sight and I found a roll of toilet paper to clean it up with. I think I spent around 30 minutes cleaning up the tea and it had a nice ritual feel to it, and I kept saying that too, “getting the paper, putting the paper on the tea, throwing away the paper, getting the paper, putting the paper on the tea, throwing away the paper.” Etc. Because of the visuals I couldn’t actually see whether or not there was tea on my desk and how much and if it was already dry. Ri eventually said I was looking a bit obsessive compulsive and that it had been dry for about 10 minutes already.
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At that time, Ri suggested putting on some music. I responded completely surprised, thinking I already heard more then enough interesting sounds. I saw sound like wires that echoed and it would move in an echo in little shocks through my room that would make my entire room pulsate. Everything was still morphing in and out and if I stared for too long I would still be seeing no reality behind my visuals. It was so beautiful already I felt absolutely no need to add any stimuli to my surroundings, but Ri seemed so set on the music idea I decided to try it anyway. Finding music was really hard, I could barely read and even with huge concentration I could still barely see the letters in that morphing mass, in some weird way I still managed to put on music, and we enjoyed some dark psy trance, at the moment the music started the whole room changed in atmosphere, it turned even a little more psychedelic, but another thing that grew was the feeling of loveliness, greatness and euphoria, probably directly coming from enjoying the music.
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Finally it was getting closer to watching Earth and after the long wait we could finally watch it. That too proved difficult, because even though my computer is easy, it was all very hard to see with all those visuals, it did work eventually, with a bit of Ri’s help, and there was Earth. My first impression was that I understood very little of what I was looking at, and that I what I saw wasn’t actually what was really there, but it was absolutely beautiful and left us quite breathless. Both of us couldn’t really believe it was actually this beautiful. For some magical reason we left the room while Earth was on and walked through the living room. I sat down in the middle of the floor behind my couch and Ri sat on the couch itself. I was looking at the back of my couch and saw entire societies of people build up and break down again in the fractal like pattern chaos, it was so logical and it went so deep I could hardly believe what I was seeing. After that I moved my vision to my floor, which gave the same entire visuals, and then the ceiling, which wasn’t much different. Ri was sitting on the couch looking at me and told me I looked like I was swimming in the visuals, I was in fact lying on the ground moving around a bit.
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I decided to try some closed eyes visuals as well and the three dimensional multi coloured patterns on the usual black background weren’t any less significant then what I saw with my eyes open. Ri closed his eyes too and described what he saw, a lot more Earth-like and more concrete than my surreal bizarre visuals, but the same odd nature to them.
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I rolled a joint while sitting there on the ground (I can roll joints in any trip, no matter how intense, it's such automatism I barely notice I roll it at all). We decided to smoke it on my balcony for another change of view. It wasn’t very warm there, but very very strange. Even in the kitchen I had difficulties seeing where I could stand, but looking over my neighbour's gardens was really odd. There's this net before my balcony to prevent my cats from falling off, and through the net we could barely see any of the outsides, because it was so bright and moving around it blocked everything behind it. While sober the net is barely visible and very thin wire. I pressed my head against the net to look through more easily and I saw black and very bright chemical green, very square 3D patterns grew up to the clouds and close to me, and all the trees were very wooly and bizarre moving. It was beautiful so we smoked up the joint there and then went back to my room to watch Earth again, which we had sort of forgotten about.
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It turned out Earth was already over, so instead of going back through the movie we put on music again. I had been asking Ri about it a few times already but he felt his trip had been too intense but he was finally also in for a balloon if nitrous. Even though I had just gone over my max dose by 100 ug I still found the idea of doing nitrous good throughout the entire trip so far, but I guess experience also gives confidence. When doing the nitrous (one whippit) the entire world broke apart and grew back into one, black sharp fields in the patterns and then slowly that very pleasant physical sensation of buzzing. Each time we did a balloon it’d be no more then 5 minutes because I’d ask “let's to another one”. The music was good, but after a while we had listened through everything we already knew so I decided to go on youtube and try to pick songs by ‘related songs’, and I typically chose the image with the nicest colours as the images kept morphing into absolutely anything and I couldn’t really see what they were anyway. I found some very good psy trance tracks which I managed to find back through the history of my browser and are still pretty nice.
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We spent a great deal of tiem just sitting in my room, talking odd. I was pretty bad at talking and would often say short sentences only, and confuse Ri with asking odd questions he didn’t get either. We just spent most of the time watching the intense visuals, while I had this odd sensation where I had a hard time telling the difference between swallowing, coughing or sniffing my nose, and that felt pretty odd.
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Somewhere around this time I decided to draw, and I really couldn’t believe the next day it would be just black and white as the colours were dripping off it. The peak hadn’t gotten any less intense and the visual mass was still very intense; extremely complicated morphing patterns that told entire stories and would occasionally take over my entire visual field, mostly with faces and human shapes in them, things moved so far they seemed to slip into extra dimensions. By now around 6 hours had passed and I gained a bit more of my ability to speak, as I had been overly silent up to this point. I still didn’t get much further then ‘wauw, wow, amazing, fractals’, but we managed to form a conversation and I decided the two most important things were love and music. Around then Ri’s comedown had probably started a lot more than mine, as he was having his first interesting deep tripping thoughts and even though I couldn’t really talk back as there were and are no words for the thoughts I was having at that point, I felt so happy he finally understood deep tripping thoughts.
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We had by now run out entirely of nitrous so I decided to take some ketamine for my dissociative chaos. It hit me like a balloon of nitrous, only it lasted. We had also decided we should really have sex in the peak of this trip but didn’t get to it for quite obvious reasons. Only about 10 minutes after the ketamine we started the sex, normally on LSD it's absolutely great, but on ketamine and LSD it must’ve been the weirdest thing I could’ve possibly imagined at that moment. I wasn’t able to tell which boy parts where from who, or whether we had morphed together into a sort of strange machine. I won’t mention too many details, but I have to say sex on LSD and ketamine is seriously weird. After that the ketamine was still going strong, I was surprised because I thought it was’t that much, but for some reason it gave me back the ability to speak properly. I stood up from my chair feeling the most energy I had ever had at 8 in the morning, I actually jumped up and down a few times saying ‘energy energy energy’, I still felt like on one balloon of nitrous, but just like the sky outside had cleared up and became very bright with the sun that had just come up, my mind had the same feeling. It was a kind of false comedown, I kept saying sentence after sentence about this trip, and my life and almost everything. To how I was feeling it felt like suddenly everything had become completely clear to me, the same thing happened to me on a trip a year back, where I got the feeling I kept getting answers without even having asked any questions.
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I started realising how this odd come up had happened. When I was sober I had been in a kind of blur, I had this arrogance over me, and over LSD, and I had already thought that the difference in experience could be problematic for me and Ri’s trips, as he would be amazed and I’d be like ‘yeah, I had that 20 times already, its not that big of a deal’. In some unconscious way I had felt his amazement at it and wanted to feel the same, so without thinking I just kept taking more and more until I did as well, which for me meant taking 300 ug, while I had never taken over 200 ug prior to this trip (I by the way always have my blotters tested, I know every single dose I have taken which makes comparing much easier <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I by the way always have my blotters tested, I know every single dose I have taken which makes comparing much easier</div></div>). This amazement made me a much better tripmate for Ri as we could both share the ‘wow’ in the experience, even though for me that meant tripping so hard I could barely even talk or see. After that I decided, because ketamine conclusions aren’t always that logical, that LSD is always right, and because LSD is always right, the LSD made me take that much to understand Ri. Of course even at the time I knew that made no sense, but I felt amazed at the substance so much I, in an odd train of thoughts, almost declared the LSD molecule ‘god’. The sun was shining into my room and I felt so much love, so much respect for everything, I felt so small and so huge at the same time; but I also felt desperation, because of the desperation of life and some personal thing at the time (it was the time of final exams, which I due to skipping too many classes wasn’t allowed to participate in that year), so I started rolling a joint which I put all the desperation in, took a picture of it, and smoked my desperation. After that it felt a lot better. I told Ri how LSD just kicked my mushroom nostalgia’s ass with a big foot of deep meaningful trips. LSD had gone completely back to favorite again and I completely remembered why I liked it so much.
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At the same time, Ri was standing in front of my window looking out on the early morning people, in his underwear but wearing a coat, with a cigarette in his mouth and a cheap half a liter can of beer in his hand looking at the busy Saturday morning outside. He was laughing so hard his face was all red. I already knew that phenomenon in trips, finding normal people hilarious, but he saw it for the first time, and the idea of people seeing him standing like that so early in the morning was kind of funny. A few people noticed him and that made him laugh even more. Ri was laughing so hard that his eyes were tearing and his ears were purplish, and that looked so funny I started to laugh as well. I took a photo of Ri, that moment in his coat, only that moment he was looking more serious and even from a photographical point of view that's one of my best photos to date, that whole image, so I somehow thought that maybe tripping I could capture people's essence better in photos and took a picture of me and Ri together and one of my own odd face. The moment the ketamine had finally completely worn off my normal LSD comedown came back, it had no odd thoughts, and felt more like smoking joints and remaining entertained. It was just like any other comedown, but I still felt the love I had felt in the early comedown, and told Ri that, to which he hugged me; that made me feel the love flow through my veins instead of blood and I don't think I ever enjoyed a hug that much before. The sun was still incredibly bright, like the sun was trying to land.
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At around 11 am my visuals had gone back to the level of a lower dose trip and we started watching family guy on DVD, eat some food and smoke some more joints. After watching for a few more hours we started to really feel tired and I thought my trip had wore off enough to sleep, but when at 2pm we went to bed I still saw bright open and closed eye visuals, everything still moved, was bursting with colour and patterns were like a layer over everything. Luckily after 14 hours of tripping the tiredness took over and we had some hours of sleep left.
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Conclusion:
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Up until the point of this trip it had been my strongest trip, I have since then topped it, in a way more chaotic setting but I’m still working on finding words to make that one into a report; but at the time of this trip, it was the most I had ever done. The whole peak was mentally very very calm, I was so amazed by the visuals I had little time to think, especially because I had never before been unable to see what I was looking at for 6 hours straight. The 1.5 hours on ketamine were extremely odd, I felt like I suddenly realised everything, as if I had been asleep for months and finally woke up. It was really good to feel that awake and I have since that day maintained the bright mental feeling. After that the normal LSD mindset took over again, and it was wonderful to have a trip where you just have to go with it and see what happens after being more experienced with my usual dosage. I told Ri in the trip we had melted together and formed a third eye together and that that found never be broken down, one thing remained true, today, 10 trips later, all of which were with Ri the love has only grown and LSD made me feel it properly for the first time.
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I feel like I haven’t described the mental effects as well as I should have, but seeing as at the time I couldn’t speak, I feel it's safe to say there are no words for what I thought (I’m a visual thinker by the way, I think images instead of words) and that they can’t be put into any human language I know, unfortunately, because they certainly felt amazing.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 84794</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 25, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,595</td></tr>
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Sex Discussion (14), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2ci_nbome/">25I-NBOMe</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">60 kg</td>
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A few weeks ago, three of my close friends and I decided to try ‘LSD’ (which I would discover later was 25I-NBOMe). We were quite baked and it was getting late at night, however the combination of excitement and a little nervousness drove us to purchasing a few ‘tabs’. For me, it was my second time to be doing this; for a friend it was to be his 5th time, and for the other two it was their firsts.
<br>
<br>
So at 10pm at a friend’s cottage we all took a tab and begun the wait. I did not have large expectations, as my first experience with the substance was hardly noteworthy and mildly pleasant. Also, with just one tab I believed that nothing much would happen. However this experience would be far different, and very challenging.
<br>
<br>
Roughly an hour in, the telltale signs began as the walls begun to shift slightly and the patterns on the carpet begun to twirl. It was very enjoyable at this point, all four of us were enjoying the effects. However as the night progressed and the mental effects began, it became increasing uncomfortable <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">as the night progressed and the mental effects began, it became increasing uncomfortable</div></div>. I started to feel quite sick in the stomach and confused. I sat down and closed my eyes, but my head was a cauldron pot of thoughts. I reminded myself that I was just feeling the effects of the drug, but it was an uncomforting thought. A burning sensation begun under my skin and I felt an irresistible urge to stretch my arms and legs. Feeling quite worried, I sat down on the couch and attempted to sleep, to which any experienced user would understand that it is absolutely impossible. A friend muttered that it was a terrible idea to take it so late in the evening. My thoughts raged out of control, and I experienced what many would call ‘a loss of reality’ and a ‘death of ego’. This continued for many more hours, and no sleep was to be had until 5 in the morning.
<br>
<br>
The day after I awoke feeling groggy and sick, and unable to eat anything. My experience with 25I-NBOMe was definitely unpleasant, however there were many rookie mistakes that could have helped avoided the bad trip. Firstly, it is a terrible idea to take it so late when sleep will be unobtainable. Secondly, I was not properly acquainted with the effects of the drug and was not ready to handle it.<!-- End Body -->
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<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 104376</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 13, 2016</td><td>Views: 4,963</td></tr>
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">25I-NBOMe (542), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5)</td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td>
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<!-- Start Body -->
I had been going through an extended difficult period, and had gotten into a very dark place psychologically. I was reading 'The Globalisation of Addiction' by Bruce Alexander, and felt that I had adopted some addictive behaviours (mostly around computer use, and romance seeking). I felt like nearly everything around me had collapsed, and was terrified that I was close to reaching the end of my rope and collapsing too.
<br>
<br>
A friend of mine was preparing to pack up his life and go become a modern monastic at a meditative community in Vermont. Naturally this called for a going away party. A short while before the going away party, he realized that his community would be webcasting a meditation retreat on the day of the party, so the party was restructured to allow people to come early (by about 6 hours) and participate in the retreat. While discussing this with him, and whether the shift in timings would change my choice of drug for the rest of the party (which was to involve watching some psychedelic anime, and then going to a rave), he made it clear to me that I was welcome to participate in the retreat on psychedelics.
<br>
<br>
Having that permission, and knowing that I was in a dark place that only seemed to be getting darker, I became hopeful that a day of meditation under the influence of a dose of LSD on the strong end of moderate, would be a perfect opportunity to perform something of a reboot on my brain. I've heard that people have a bad habit of driving cars into trees, lampposts, etc. when they begin to lose traction in a large part because we tend to drive towards what we're looking at, and we also tend to look at what frightens us. In many ways, I felt like I was staring at my impending ruin, while skidding towards it, and I wanted to direct my gaze as forcefully as possible, back towards the road that I'd been sliding off of.
<br>
<br>
The retreat was to begin at noon. At around 11:30, I placed 2 tabs of respectably strong blotter (I'd estimate their strength at around 100-125ug per hit) under my tongue, and then got on my bicycle to ride to the party.
<br>
<br>
By the time I arrived, I could feel my first report coming on, and was introduced to several of my friends' coworkers who were either there for the party, or were hosting it. We got ourselves onto cushions on the floor (except for one guest, who'd brought a meditation seat), got the webcast going, straightened up, and settled in.
<br>
<br>
The first exercise began with a cultivation practice. An early instruction was to consider how fortunate we were to have the time, the energy, the safety, and the intention to engage in the practice. Because of the dark place I was in, I felt like I lacked the energy and safety being referenced. I sought to convince myself that I must have the time and safety because I was there, when the instruction came that we may be feeling happy, grateful, or relieved. I clung to relief as a positive emotion that I was capable of feeling at the time, the practice then switched to observation, then inquiry, and then doing-nothing, to complete the overview of the techniques we'd practice in more depth throughout the day.
<br>
<br>
There was some discussion, and a dedicated sit for each practice. One event of note was that I opted to do the cultivation practice lying on my back on the couch, and that around the time we were instructed to add the feeling of a little love into the breathing feedback loop we'd established, the host's cat wandered on to my chest. In the state that I was in, I felt this was an excellent vehicle for the cultivation of love, and took to petting the cat for the remainder of the meditation. She also seemed quite happy becoming the object of cultivation of love, and remained on my chest and in my arms for the balance of the practice (which was somewhere in the neighbourhood of half an hour).
<br>
<br>
I don't remember anything particularly notable from the observation practice, so will skip along to the inquiry practice, in which I had my most intense experience. The general idea of the inquiry practice was to remain in the state of not knowing by asking a question. Every time our mind would produce an answer, we were advised to immediately respond by asking ourselves 'what's that'. At some point in this practice, I found myself confronted with a slight chuckle coming out of me, and with the question 'what's so funny?'. Having already taken the cat laying on my chest as a vehicle to cultivate love, it seemed entirely natural for me to take 'what's so funny' as a line of inquiry. Answers kept coming at me: I'm making a disruption and it's wrong, this is some sort of strange meta-joke, it's become a running gag, it's completely absurd; and each time I asked myself what's so funny about that, I laughed harder and harder, until I fell over laughing. And I kept asking 'what's so funny about that?': it's hard to tell whether it's a laugh or a sob at times, it's got a spasmodic quality like a cough, something's coming out in this laugh, it's an eruption like a zit being popped, it's still unbelievably funny, I can't not be making a scene with all this, this is certainly the longest I've held focus on a single thing, surely the most intensely too, what an astonishing joke, and somehow it isn't even a joke.
<br>
<br>
The instructor rang his bell. I let go of the question and gradually regained my composure. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The instructor rang his bell. I let go of the question and gradually regained my composure.</div></div> I apologized to the group for having been so noisy, explaining that I'd somehow latched on to 'what's so funny' as a line of inquiry, and that it seemed to be working as something I could hang on to. My monastic friend (who I should probably mention had already done a lengthy temporary residence in the community in question, and led the occasional workshop himself) mentioned to the group that it's not uncommon for people to break out in laughter or sobs during a sit, and we chatted a bit about it. He made a remark in the psychedelics-as-shortcut vein and how he looks forward to having enough practice behind him some number of years down to road, to be able to have a sit like that without the need for drugs.
<br>
<br>
While we were having this conversation, and as the day progressed (and then night, as we went to the rave), I realized that I was thinking and acting with a levity and joy that I hadn't remembered feeling in quite a while. There wasn't any impending doom coming to my mind any more. That sensation I had while laughing, that something unwanted and unhealthy was erupting from me--there really had been something there. The darkness I'd been living with was gone, burst out of my soul in a fit of laughter while I asked myself 'what's so funny'. I had become my real self once again.
<br>
<br>
The pharmacological effects of the LSD are long past, but the darkness is still gone, and I'm continuing to feel the joy and levity that I was missing for so long.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108184</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 36</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 26, 2016</td><td>Views: 3,258</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108184&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108184&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Meditation (128) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Group Ceremony (21)</td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.33 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td>
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</table>
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<!-- Start Body -->
There’s something fascinating about doing normal things on psychedelics. From movie theaters to airplanes, I have incorporated low doses of LSD into daily life (though far from on a daily basis) for over a year now, however physical activity was something I had never tried while tripping, micro-dose or otherwise. The idea came to me one night - late - as I was cleaning my apartment on a +-50ug dose (all “doses” are estimated by dividing up 150ug tabs and as always should be considered merely as approximations). For several hours I cleaned and organized while my significant other slept slept peacefully in the bedroom of our converted warehouse loft.
<br>
<br>
I was in a fantastic mood - full of that magical, never-ending energy you only have on those really rare, perfect days - and I remember thinking to myself “I feel as though I could run a marathon right now”. From that moment on, running a 5K on LSD was on my mind and I would only have to wait 3 months for my opportunity. The following is what I wrote up the evening after the race.
<br>
<br>
I wake up feeling flawless. An enjoyable night spent in deep conversation with a good friend the evening before had ensured a restful night of sleep, despite the absence of my partner - out of town on business - something that usually throws both of our sleep patterns. I had prepared everything I needed the night before - a third of a (claimed) 150ug tab of LSD, a Xanax in case of sincerely needing to abort (though I feared little chance of that happening at this dosage), and finally a Dramamine to counter the initial nausea I sometimes experience taking Lucy.
<br>
<br>
I shower, dress and begin my drive to the zoo at which the 5K was to be held. As I pull into the parking lot and turn the engine off, I take a few moments to ask myself if this is still something I still want to do. Beyond the experience of taking LSD and running with 1,500 other people I had a burning desire to see what effect on my performance the drug might have if any <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had a burning desire to see what effect on my performance the drug might have if any</div></div>, but there was also still a minor yet lingering concern about the combination of the physical strain of running a race and the mental strain of a significant, albeit low dose of LSD. Experimentation with smoking a sativa strain of cannabis before running my daily jogs had led me to believe that it resulted in greater endurance (not speed), dulling any pains or stitches and allowing me to zone out, focusing only on the music in my ears and the motion of running itself. But Lucy - well, she’s an entirely different mistress. I wondered if she would be so kind.
<br>
<br>
T:00:00
<br>
With one and a half hours to race start - standing at the entrance to the zoo - I swallow the cut-out rectangle of blotter.
<br>
<br>
I had arrived significantly early on purpose to allow for it to kick in properly while racing. I didn’t want to be peaking (as far as one peaks on a lower dose such as this) during the hardest slog between mile two and three but I also didn’t want to finish the 5K before the acid had kicked in either. Half an hour later the first of my coworkers arrives - I’m wearing shades but it’s June and sunny as hell. He was around in the early 70’s and would probably get great satisfaction out of knowing I rolled in with his old pal Lucy but he is, after all, my coworker - I hold my tongue. We people watch for a while, I’m still feeling baseline but in an excellent mood. Another friend/coworker arrives - she’s slightly younger than me but generally aware of my extra-curricular activities. Despite not knowing about today’s enhancements, I still feel better knowing there’s a fellow psychonaut around - just in case.
<br>
<br>
T:00:40
<br>
As we move further into the zoo, I begin to feel the creeping but not unpleasant feeling at the nape of my neck that I always get with psychedelics. I feel little pangs of excitement in my stomach and chest, and I know that my timing had been spot on. I would be running in less than an hour, during the exciting and often energetic come up of the first wave of the trip. Out of the ten of us that came, only myself and one other person were to run that day. We take our well wishes with a smile and a wave, and I motion for her to lead the way through the crowd, away from the pavilion we had been standing under and on towards the inflatable arch that marked the beginning of our trail.
<br>
<br>
T:01:00
<br>
I’m standing ten feet back from the starting line. Although no open-eyed visuals are occurring, I am more-than-usually pleased by the bright colors worn by the runners around me and beginning to feel the first little body shivers that Lucy sometimes gives me. I can’t wait for the race to start. Already the voice on the loudspeaker seems muffled, an indistinct garble of directions and reminders. Wishing my companion luck, I put in my headphones and start up the playlist I had spent hours creating for this event. It began with a few of those tunes, those fucking tunes that just take you to a happy place, you know? Everyone has them and they’re fucking magic. So there I am - basking in the June sun with my favorite records playing and not a goddamn care in the world, surrounded by the positive energy of a charity race with hundreds of smiling faces around me and Lucy is there now smiling with them - the girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
<br>
<br>
T:01:15
<br>
I can barely contain myself.
<br>
<br>
I’m antsy, but not in a bad way. The effects of the psychedelic I had ingested just over an hour prior are now unmistakable. Despite a relatively-low dose at 50ug, I now note a distinct increase in textures, colors and patterns, and the music coming through my headphones periodically dips and dives ever-so-slightly like when a record player’s needle drags over a warp on the vinyl. I make out the call for five minutes to race start and a pang of excitement once again hits my stomach. Not having run 5km in over two years (my daily run for the past three months being only 3.5km, with no running at all for more than a year prior to that), I begin to talk myself through what lay ahead of me. What had seemed daunting the night before, now seemed easily within reach. I would never call myself a confident runner but as I stood there I felt powerful - determined to cross the finish line with a time I could be proud of on my own merit, not in relation to anyone else’s, better or worse.
<br>
<br>
T:01:20
<br>
I’m ready when the airhorn blows. A sea of people move forward, a mass of singular individuals each with their own hopes and dreams and loves and heartaches but now each of one mind and one purpose - onward. Life, the world, bills, a job I hated - all is left behind as we begin to run. A strong desire to sprint comes over me, enthralled and exhilarated as I am feeling, but I hasten to temper my boyish enthusiasm - how often in life have I charged ahead with good intentions only to lose steam or interest before reaching the finish line? I set myself a steady pace and begin to take in the myriad of sensations I am being bombarded with. Similar to MDMA, as I run I begin to feel the most delightful body tingles, exercise-induced shivers of pleasure running from my calves all the way to my scalp and continuing for a couple of minutes. There is an electricity to my mood, and I feel an extraordinary sense of camaraderie running alongside so many other people. As runners pass me I cheer for them inwardly and as I advance on others I wordlessly wish them luck - the level of empathy I feel is immense. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">the level of empathy I feel is immense.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
T:01:28
<br>
As I round out the first mile a large hill looms ahead. I had walked up this same hill many times as a zoo guest and had been slightly dreading it, whether running while flying or straight. I press onwards, determined to put my best efforts forth. I make it three quarters of the way up, but have to stop to catch my breath and for the first time I understand how strenuous activity may not be an ideal psychedelic pastime for some. Had I been on a higher dose I could easily see myself allowing my labored breathing to become a matter of concern, however at approximately 30-50ug (depending on how much you trust underground markets) I have enough presence of mind to check my pulse and find it to be well within an acceptable range for how arduous the climb had been. Encouraged by this thought and after only 30 seconds or so, I begin to run again.
<br>
<br>
T:01:32
<br>
I am well into the second mile. The zoo passes by me - a blur of watchful eyes from cages, strange and wonderful noises reaching me through the headphones over my ears. I feel guilty, flaunting my freedom around in front of them like some punk kid cruising by a dusty back-roads minimum-security prison in a convertible during yard time just to get a kick. I tuck the thought away for later, not having the energy to spare on such contemplation. Despite my body screaming for me to stop, the good version of myself - the one that lives inside and tells me to be kind and be strong and to fight for noble causes and keep promises - that version of me tells me to keep going, to not stop. “You are, in fact, strong enough.” LSD often brings that version of me out of his shell. It’s all about what version of yourself you present to the world you see - you and I, we have a choice. Today, I choose the good me... maybe I will again tomorrow. My feet continue to pound the pavement.
<br>
<br>
T:01:37
<br>
I think I may be at the three mile marker now, but without any signs posted I have no idea. Could it have been two miles already? Time has for the most part become meaningless. I am nothing more than a pair of legs, hitting the pavement. If I am any more than that, if I admit any more than that, then all of the breathlessness and the fatigue and the pain in my upper body will become unbearable. I sink into my music, focusing on moving one leg, then the next. I have reached the runner's Zen Garden.
<br>
<br>
My breathing feels almost circular - as if I am not quite getting enough breath but never quite breathless enough to justify stopping. Sometimes I can be harsh on myself, often not harsh enough. This is a time that calls for the latter, and I don’t give myself an inch. I know I’m not setting any records with my time, but I’m going to cross that damn line as fast as I possibly can. I was obese only two years ago and couldn’t run sustained for more than 2 minutes - this is fucking huge for me and I’m not going to allow the other me - the lazy, underachieving, Netflix binge-watching me to dictate shit now.
<br>
<br>
T:01:40
<br>
As I reach the last 3/4 of a mile or so, my vision starts to tunnel. I am barely aware of the other runners or the volunteers cheering at the sidelines. I don’t see the overpriced ice-cream carts or the animal “exhibits”, tiny fists slamming against glass while parents stand idly by. Maybe the zoo isn’t the best place for such an empathetic drug - another thought for later. Now, all I see are my bright blue shoes slapping the pavement, psychedelic tracers constantly providing ghostly reminders of the past as they appear, disappear and then reform. If I had not been exerting more effort than I thought physically possible I would have been delighted, tracers being one of my favorite visuals, but I think of nothing but keeping those legs moving. As I make a turn I realize that there are no further turns on this pathway - it leads directly back to the main entry and finish line - and I start to sprint as fast as I can, perhaps too late to make a significant difference on my time but early enough for every muscle in my body to groan and protest against me and yet somehow, almost magically, I don’t stop or slow down.
<br>
<br>
T:01:45
<br>
Coming in at just over 25 minutes, my heart almost stops for delight at both my time and from the exertion of finishing a 5K race while under the influence of LSD. My coworker finds me, and brings me water - after checking to make sure I’m doing okay she congratulates me on finishing the race. It takes several minutes before I am able to drink, for the first time I am uncomfortably aware of the rest of my body. My breath comes in ragged gasps and the feeling of adrenaline mixed with the Lysergamide - now certainly in full effect - is nearly overwhelming.
<br>
<br>
T:02:00
<br>
It takes 15 minutes for me to come back from riding the edge of physical discomfort; overload. I sit, and as the adrenaline and uneasiness recede they are replaced by an overwhelming feeling of happiness. I had not only completed the race successfully, but I had done it in a time that a year ago would have been unimaginable. In the past three years I have not only lost 75lbs. (a third of my body weight) but I have also shaved 12 minutes off of my 5K time. Thank god I said good bye to cigarettes, frequent drinking and the desk job. My elation increases as my coworkers come over to congratulate me - the other running member of our party follows shortly, and as our group is complete I feel nothing but contentedness. Sitting there basking in the June sun with not a goddamn care in the world, surrounded by the positive energy of a charity race with hundreds of smiling faces around me and Lucy is there now smiling with them once again - the girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
<br>
<br>
There is, of course more to the story for that day and some of the themes from the 5K would come back around, however that is for another time. Would I repeat the experience? I have to err on the side of yes. Running a 5K on LSD was certainly unique, but I couldn’t quite call it unpleasant. It felt incredible to be moving at speed while tripping that’s for damn sure, and having headphones with a pre-selected playlist made all the difference.
<br>
<br>
Whether it gave me any performance enhancement, I could not say. Perhaps not physical, however I must be honest and say that the drug allowed me to access that special place of focus, concentration, and self-confidence that I’ve sorely lacked in recent years. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">the drug allowed me to access that special place of focus, concentration, and self-confidence that I’ve sorely lacked in recent years.</div></div> I definitely felt strong, but in a holistic sense. I would of course caution any readers to mix psychedelics and strenuous physical activity very carefully. At approximately 30-50ug I was at a relatively low level. It is certainly something I may explore further in the micro-dose range for my personal runs, but if the occasion presents itself I may just step back into that place of focus - the runner’s zen garden - yet again.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108882</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 28</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 26, 2016</td><td>Views: 5,803</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108882&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108882&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53), Performance Enhancement (50), Glowing Experiences (4), General (1)</td></tr>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">NBOH Series</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/methoxetamine/">Methoxetamine </a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 9:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 24:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
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<!-- Start Body -->
I have always been something of an insomniac and most nights I stay up until around 4am playing computer games and smoking weed while my fiance and flat-mates sleep. I have a basement room ('The Den') with a projector, Playstation 3 and no windows which is perfect for doing this.
<br>
<br>
Recently I have become a little bit bored with this but haven't found it any easier to sleep so I started experimenting with mixing in a little Methoxetamine with the weed to see how it alters my perceptions. This has led to increasingly larger doses being taken of MXE and increasingly bizarre nights in which I feel as if I am actually taking part in the games I am playing. This culminated in the experience I am about to share. I am soon about to re-enter education and have decided that once the MXE and weed ran out I wasn't going to buy any more as I was finding myself staying up until 2pm the next day and then sleeping until 9pm.
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<br>
I am a relatively healthy 25 year old male. My previous experiences include LSD, Ketamine, MDMA, Speed, 2CB, DMT, Mushrooms, Cannabis, Cocaine, Salvia and a bunch of other assorted things I'm forgetting.
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<br>
12am: Have my first joint. I only have some sativa weed which makes my mind race a little bit. I stick on 'The Last of US' one of my favourite games of all time and start playing through it. I check how much MXE I have left and realise I have reached the end of the bag; about 100 mg left. My normal dose is about 2-3 lines totalling between 50 - 80 mg so there is only really enough left for one more big hit.
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<br>
12:30: Decide to take a tab of NBOMe. I haven't tried this substance yet since I have a lot of acid and am a little wary of this new chemical. Apparently it is around 900ug of a combination of 25I and 25C NBOME. I place one tab under my tongue and leave it there.
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1:00: I look at the time and It's at this point I decide to finish off the MXE. It's now or never, due to the very long onset of MXE and very long duration (compared to ketamine anyway) I need to do it before it gets any later. I place the remaining fine powder in two huge lines and snort them both using a straw. I'm not feeling anything from the NBOME yet.
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2:00: Departure from baseline. The MXE is definitely kicking in. I can always tell the onset by the sense of wobbly confusion and my hands and lips feeling weird and alien. Slowly the familiar setting of The Den becomes more and more unfamiliar and the events unfolding in the game take on a new significance as my mind becomes disassociated and starts drawing alternative pictures of what's happening. The game has strong horror elements and violence which becomes increasingly shocking and jarring in my current state. I briefly consider changing what game I'm playing but decide to press on as the intensity of this experience is a real rush.
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<br>
2:30am Start feeling myself being drawn into a K-Hole. Normally I try to avoid going this deep with MXE due to its long duration. I am now no longer focused on the game at all but am still playing on auto-pilot while my mind wanders down increasingly bizarre corridors. I also now feel something else as well that must be the NBOMe. It's something that is counteracting the sedative effect of the MXE and instead of the usual dulling of colour I find common with Ketamine/MXE they are now a more vibrant and fuzzy colour. It's hard to explain and its subtle but it felt like something underneath the MXE propelling me forward which I was enjoying.
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3:00 K-Hole. I begin spinning the camera round and round in the game so it feels as if I am on a really fast carousel. I don't know why but it makes sense and is what I want to do. My head tilts back. Whenever I enter a K-hole I always feel as if I am being laid back by something as if to go to sleep. The light in the game throws a criss-cross pattern of shadows across the in-game ceiling. I start looking at the criss-cross pattern and then suddenly I enter the pattern. It is no longer just a pattern but now a series of cells, like biological cells. I start imagining the people I know being organised into these cells as well as other things. I can't remember much else but I remember being deep in a K-hole for a few hours after that. My main thoughts were how everything has a need to become one, to achieve singularity, but how this is impossibly because there always seems to be two opposing things in nature, in society and life in general. As with ketamine, people I know are presented to me, friends, colleagues, family etc. There presence is always significant and as usual I feel like there is a big answer to a big question there but just outside my grasp <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">as usual I feel like there is a big answer to a big question there but just outside my grasp</div></div>.
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6AM: Emerge from the K-Hole. Can still feel strong MXE effects and still notice an underlying NBOME effect as well which is welcome. Vision is distorted and broken. The game sits in front of me idling. I have another joint.
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7am: Go to bed and lay next to my fiance. I am wide awake and only feeling some residual MXE effects but know I need to go to bed otherwise she will come looking for me in The Den when she wakes and she doesn't know that I take MXE down there by myself and I don't want her to as I'm not sure how she would react. In the morning after an MXE binge I always feel in remarkably good spirits and when she gets up I chat to her happily about our upcoming wedding and our dog, Jake, who is staying with her mum for a couple of days.
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9am: My fiance and my flat-mate leave for work. I go back down to The Den but the lack of windows feels oppressive when it is light outside. I realise I have a window of opportunity to take some acid I have as I have the place to myself until that evening and no commitments or anyone to bother me. I take two tabs as I know from experience they are not very strong and keep them under my tongue for an hour until swallowing them. I listen to some music and tidy up the flat a little. I am in very good spirits. My mind keeps imagining conversations with people I was talking to at the weekend, they ask me questions or challenge me in some way and I answer them. This seems to be so I can conceptualise my thoughts more clearly or something.
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<br>
11am: Starting to feel the onset of the acid as I realise that my flat-mates boyfriend, G, is home. Try to disguise the fact I am starting to trip hard as it would be opening a real can of worms to try to explain why I am tripping at 11am on a Monday morning. We sit down in the living room which is filled with sunlight and start playing Mortal Kombat. I'm aware that I'm saying some slightly odd things and am struggling with whole sentences and thoughts. I'm hoping he doesn't notice. I am loving the visuals I am getting, fractals and patterns everywhere which fill the room and cover every surface.
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13:30 G leaves and I am left to my own devices. I am now tripping seriously hard and am loving it. My thoughts are racing as I have 3 or 4 different trains of thought at once. I try to tidy up the flat some more but keep getting distracted and caught up in something else. I have about 4 or 5 different tasks that I am trying to complete at once and realise I am only making more mess as I keep picking things up to put them away but end up putting them down and leaving them in random places.
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15:00 Realise I need to phone my college to find out details for my enrollment day. Spend an hour trying to find the letter with the information I need as I know that a phone-call about this kind of thing will be very difficult, but give up after going through drawer after drawer of paperwork while tripping. I make the phone call but can't articulate my thoughts properly. The woman at the other end asks which courses I am doing and I can't remember. I panic and hang up. I call back again after practicing what to say but it is another train-wreck as all the words come out in the wrong order. I make the third phone call and although I must have sounded quite unhinged I get the information I need and write it down. During all this I get very frustrated with my inability to complete this simple task. I start talking to myself in an effort to concentrate my efforts and focus on what I am trying to do, which does help a little and I continue to do this intermittently throughout the day. I realise this must be what it to be mentally insane as I wander around my home muttering and moving things around randomly.
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16:00 Happy that I managed to achieve the task at hand I go to the shop to buy some cigarettes. The woman in the shop asks for my ID which freaks me out a little and then she wants to talk about the the ID policy of the shop. I do my best to make pleasant conversation but am aware I may have walked away a little abruptly. I go for a walk around the block. I live in a very vibrant but poor neighbourhood with a lot of immigrant families and ethnic minorities. I enjoy walking around and taking in the sights and sounds and people-watching through my sunglasses. I keep thinking how great everything is and how pleased I was that this was all going well. I go back to my flat.
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18:00 I have finally finished most of the tidying in the flat with some considerable effort. I'm not tripping so much now but I always find with LSD that after the strong tripping (fractals, patterns etc.) goes away I am left with a sense of wonder and everything still looks great. I still have some closed-eye visuals.
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<br>
19:00 My fiance comes home and she drives me through to her mother's house to pick up the dog. We have a great chat on the way there. My head is a bit scrambled but I find articulating my thoughts a lot easier now. She doesn't notice that I have taken anything and I don't tell her. At her mother's house we have dinner which I actually really enjoy. I hadn't eaten anything all day and LSD and MXE don't suppress my appetite an awful lot I find. I am impressed that I am actually pulling this off and the day has gone ahead without a hitch or without my being caught out taking drugs in the daytime by myself.
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21:00 Back home, watch TV with fiance and flat-mate.Have sex with my fiance which is great, the only down-side being I finish too soon which is extremely unusual for me. I decide that if that's the only negative effect of the day I'm not doing too bad. Feel very positive about life in general.
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23:00 Fiance is going to sleep. I lay in bed but find I am unable to. Realise I have been awake for about 48+ hours but still can't sleep <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I have been awake for about 48+ hours but still can't sleep</div></div>. I am reluctant to go back down to The Den as I am worried that this will start the whole cycle all over again and I know I can't pull off another 24 hours without sleep and with more drugs without some serious consequences.
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<br>
12:30 Give up on sleeping and go back down to the den. Roll a very strong joint to make myself sleepy and turn on the game 'The Last of Us' again. I suddenly start feeling panic creeping over me. I feel really stoned but it gives me this weird sinister, dark feeling. I try to concentrate on the game but it is very intense. I start getting into it. I am hunting monsters and humans with a bow and arrow and a knife. I enjoy the feeling of killing people in the game. I start worrying about the secret drug-taking sessions I have been having and the fact that I can't talk to anyone about the weird feelings I am now having as it would mean telling all. As has happened with previous sessions the word 'Junkie' and the question 'Why are you doing this?' becomes prominent in my brain. I start worrying I have a drug problem as I am taking increasingly harder drugs now by myself for no real reason. I start thinking about how this could lead to a split-personality disorder of some kind as I lead two different lives, one very secret, and exist in different mind-sets.
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1:30 Annoyed by these feelings I go back upstairs to go to sleep. I lay in bed awake in the dark next to my fiance. I am still having closed eye visuals which are surprisingly strong and are now frightening. I remember the worst trip I ever had when I accidentally took a huge dose of pure psilocybin thinking it was ecstasy. I remember how I felt I was going to die and start worrying that I will die this time. I keep trying to tell myself that I am just having a comedown, that this was inevitable and that none of the substances I have taken are going to kill me but the CEV's are incessant and the darkness and silence are making it worse. I feel real panic creeping over me as the impossible shapes and visions I am having terrify me. I feel the urge to wake my fiance up and tell her how I'm feeling, to cry, to admit all and beg for forgiveness. I am put off the negative repercussions and the selfishness of waking her up at this time to do this.
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<br>
2:30 I go back down to the Den and put on a podcast to listen to. I laugh a little at how bad it was upstairs in the bedroom and say out loud 'Fuck that shit!'. Everything feels better in the light and having something to listen to takes my mind off things. I decide to sleep down there. Eventually I get some sleep and when I wake up I feel very tired but no longer feel any effects of the LSD.
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<br>
This experience was one of the most intense I have ever had for various reasons. I have so far managed to not buy any more weed and MXE as that tends to lead to me taking it by myself late at night and I have decided that this is not a healthy habit to have, especially given the potentially addictive nature of these substances. I also realise it is only a matter of time before my fiance finds out about these late-night drug sessions and that it would be better to avoid that issue altogether by not continuing. Although she is also an occasional drug-user I don't want her concerned about my new tendency to take them by myself.
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<br>
I have written this report as it is the only way to vent the feelings and thoughts I have had and I decided during the experience that I had to do this in order to avoid any negative psychological impact. I feel better for doing it, I appreciate the different perspectives it has given me but as with every time I take acid I always make a mental note to take it at a more appropriate time next time <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">every time I take acid I always make a mental note to take it at a more appropriate time next time</div></div> and to stay off it for a while before doing so. With regards to MXE I am not buying any more again. I find it calling to me when I'm not taking it and compulsive dosing and re-dosing seems to be an issue. Me and my friends call it 'Devil-Ket' for this reason. I am also surprised and pleased with how I was able to carry out a relatively normal day even while under the influence of these substances. With my new studies ahead I am pleased I have had these experimentations but know I need to nip it in the bud as it could so easily de-rail my life. I have seen the doctor about my insomnia and am now on course to resolve that issue which should negate the desire to take drugs all night long.
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Thank you for reading.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 104136</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 25</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 13, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,803</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=104136&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=104136&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Methoxetamine (527), NBOMe Series (539), LSD (2), Sleep Deprivation (140) : Multi-Day Experience (13), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 3:50</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
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<!-- Start Body -->
My First Solo Trip Report (Spiritually Cleansing Candy Flip Experience)
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<br>
I had been saving two ~125ug acid tabs and a Blue Tesla ecstasy/MDMA pill in the bottom of my sock drawer for a few months. I like to make the most of my trips and I was waiting for a good time to have a solo night trip. As Tuesday, October 20 drew to a close, I realized that tripping that night would be ideal because I was in the mood to do so and I didn't have any major obligations the next day.
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My trip technically started at 11:50pm when I put the two tabs in my mouth. I then started walking around my neighborhood while listening to my iPod. The outside atmosphere was calming. I didn't wander too far from my house because I got a bit spooked by the intense Halloween decorations scattered around my neighborhood, so I decided to sit on my porch and watch the moon slowly drop down below view as I listened to Atlas Sound's Bedroom Databank Vol. 1 album. The songs contained in that album are very personal and melancholy sounding and it was a great reflective way to start the night.
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After about 20 minutes, my good friend (friend #1) FaceTime called me to check how I was doing because I told him I was tripping that night. We had an enjoyable chat as I paced outside in front of my house. After our somewhat brief conversation ended (he had to drive home) I was still in the mood to talk so I called my friend #2 who I knew was hanging out with my friend #3. We had an enjoyable conversation about life, music, and future camping plans. About halfway through our ~30 minute conversation I divulged that I had taken two acid tabs and that I could feel the effects rising. They were pleasantly surprised and stoked for me (as well as a bit jealous). A bit later during our conversation a cop car drove by--even though I knew I wasn't doing anything that appeared suspicious, I still got a little bit uneasy, so I told friends #2 and #3 that I was going to go inside and that I would talk to them later. They wished me a good trip and we said goodbye.
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When I went inside at around 1am, everyone in my house was asleep. I quietly walked upstairs to my room. At this point my visual field was becoming distorted and the effects were quickly (and comfortably) rising. I had set up my piano keyboard connected to a reverb and delay pedal because I thought it could be fun to improvise ambient drones while on acid. I messed around with my keyboard a bit, but I was feeling slightly disoriented so I decided to lie down in my bed and listen to music. The first album I selected was 'Feels' by Animal Collective. Animal Collective has always been a fantastic trip buddy for me and I had a wonderful experience with DXM + 'Feels'. This album + acid took me on a fantastic journey in my mind. I saw so much when I closed my eyes that I'd never be able to remember or describe it all.
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Some memories that stuck with me: I experienced getting reborn and I'm pretty sure my ego got stripped away to a high degree. It was a wonderful sensation. At one point I was making a swimming motion with my arms while lying down and I felt like I was literally swimming in a vast sea. I saw many creatures and fantastic worlds in my mind. I also saw some scary monsters, but I worked hard to turn my mind to less horrifying images.
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After 'Feels' ended I put on the 'Merriweather Post Pavilion' album. It took me on many more fantastic journeys. For some reason the music put me in an erotic mood and I felt like getting naked, so that's what I did. I then realized that I was masturbating and that it felt amazing. I took it slow and gradually built up sexual tension. My whole body felt ecstatic. During the bridge of 'My Girls' I decided that it was time to let go so I climaxed and experienced one of the best orgasms in my life. The amazing thing is that the orgasmic sensations seemed to spread throughout my whole body and lasted for awhile after the actual orgasm. I was amazed.
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After listening to 'Merriweather Post Pavilion' a bit more I realized that I had to use the restroom, so I reluctantly stopped the music and hopped out of bed.
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It felt very weird and claustrophobic in the restroom and I was reminded of the time that I took shrooms and launched into a bad trip after going into this same restroom. Thankfully I was able to see things in a more objective perspective this time. I was in there sitting on the toilet for what felt like hours, but realistically it was probably only 15-30 minutes at most. I kept reminding myself that even though I felt uncomfortable and trapped, I had the power within me to get my business done, wash my hands, and return to my room; I managed to do just that and avoid getting sucked into a bad trip.
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When I got back to my room I messed around on my keyboard a bit more and then decided to watch '2001: A Space Odyssey'. One detail that I forgot to mention earlier: I couldn't stop smiling ever since the acid first hit me and when I started the film I was still feeling euphoric and extremely smiley. Even the intro when the movie title appears on the screen blew my mind. I was ecstatic and so excited for the fanatic film journey that I was about to embark on. “The Dawn of Man' portion of the movie was so intense, epic, breathtaking, and entertaining. I found myself silently cheering in glee and raising my hands in the air in excitement. As the movie progressed, I continued to be wowed many times and marveled at the fact that Stanley Kubrick created such an artistic masterpiece in 1968. While watching the film, I connected so many elements of life to elements of the story; it was a mind blowing and intense experience to say the least. I apologize if this paragraph came across as hyperbolic, I was honestly extremely blown away and entertained by this artistic masterpiece. The acid allowed me to experience the story in such an intense manner.
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<br>
At about 3:40am I remembered that I had a Blue Tesla pill sitting in my sock drawer. I had a mini internal debate about whether or not I should enhance my experience even more by candy flipping <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had a mini internal debate about whether or not I should enhance my experience even more by candy flipping</div></div>; I eventually decided that it was what I wanted to do. I took the pill, filled up my water bottle, and then briefly browsed Facebook for some cheap entertainment. One of my friends who makes ambient music posted a video. I was blown away by the emotional honesty this woman conveyed with her music. Her performance seems unfiltered and it's amazing how many human emotions she expressed in that piece. I watched her performance multiple times and then resumed watching '2001: A Space Odyssey'.
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I could feel the ecstasy rising within me and I felt no fear whatsoever. I calmly sipped water and enjoyed the steady building sensation my body was experiencing.
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<br>
By the time I was at the scene when the man dies in space due to Hal's meddling I was
<br>
in a state of pure euphoric bliss. Without even thinking about it, I brought my palms together in a praying formation. I also raised my arms up in rapturous awe at the divine light that I was experiencing so powerfully within me. I closed my eyes and meditated (while the movie was still playing in the background). Words cannot convey the all-encompassing peace, bliss, and contentment I felt. I feel like I experienced 'Shanti' (“The Peace which passeth understanding”).
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I felt empty in the most beautiful way. I meditated on the importance of love and on how much I love my friends. Also, MDMA brought to the surface repressed negative baggage that I had been carrying around. For example, I realized that I still harbored resentment towards my ex-girlfriend who cheated on me multiple times (not too long ago). In my moment of meditate bliss, I was able to fully forgive her and let go of those negative emotions.
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This experience was extremely therapeutic and spiritually cleansing. I also become aware of areas of dissonance in my life that did not match up with my desire to be a good person. For example, our family recently acquired a dog for free that I was not fond of because I considered him to be annoying and ugly. However, I realized that this was unneeded negativity and that I should focus on the positives (e.g. my siblings enjoy the dog) and not harbor unnecessary negativity. I came to the conclusion that the best thing for me to do is to choose to accept the dog and to not be negative about it anymore. This specific realization caused me to induce that I don't want to allow petty thoughts or behavior to seep into my life.
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During this mediation I was able to let go completely. When the astronaut in '2001: A Space Odyssey' died, I imagined that it was me and came to a gentle acceptance of my own inevitable demise.
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<br>
I've never felt so whole or lucid before. This experience was personally profound and spiritually cleansing. I am so thankful that I was able to learn genuine positive things from this experience and immediately apply them to my life to become a better person. The rest of '2001' blew my mind and I finished the night by listening and dancing to the hang drum performance about 20 times in a row. I eventually crawled into my bed sometime around 8-9am (I'm not too sure about the timing) and drifted into sleep. I woke up periodically the next day to urinate and listen to music until I finally got out of bed in the afternoon.
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After getting out of bed, I called friends #1, #2, and #3 to share my experience. I also called my ex-girlfriend to communicate that I fully forgave her and that I don't resent her anymore because I was able to choose to let go of all the negativity I hadn't let go. I told her that I have no agenda other than to honesty tell her how I feel because I thought the act of me communicating my forgiveness could potentially help her let go of some negative baggage.
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The feelings of internal love that I experienced were so incredible that I was a little sad that I wouldn't be feeling them in that way again for a while, but I'm thankful for my experience and I'll remember it for the rest of my life. So far I have taken legitimate steps to be a more loving, spiritually cohesive person as a result of this experience and I plan on meditating on the utmost importance of love daily from now on.
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Thank you for reading my experience. :)<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107255</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 31, 2016</td><td>Views: 3,298</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=107255&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=107255&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Alone (16)</td></tr>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">buccal</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">100 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This was my first time taking acid, and I had only previously ever smoked marijuana before that. I was kind of nervous, but very excited. On Halloween day, I met up with my boyfriend, who had taken acid before and reassured me that it was going to be fine. We placed the blotter on our tongues and texted our friend M to do the same. We then walked to the nearby middle school to meet up with M. None of us began to feel the effects until we were sitting at a bench in a secluded park. It had hit us all at different times too, from me, to M, to my boyfriend (B).
<br>
<br>
The first thing I had noticed was that I was very warm, despite the 45 degree weather outside and my inability to ever really be warm. I also noticed that all the autumn leaves and naked trees seemed very distinct and never-ending, yet also connected to each other. I became very excited and asked B and M if they were feeling anything, to which they replied that they felt pretty warm, but nothing much yet. By this time it was about 45 minutes after we had taken the acid. I put my arm out in front of me and began waving it, only to see that the image of my arm would repeat itself and trail behind it. I was doing this for awhile, until I noticed B and M staring at me. They laughed and told me I was tripping.
<br>
<br>
Once the effects were more set in, we all started staring at a leaf on the table. M and I both saw little black dots moving all along the leaf! B said he could not see them. I realized that I still had to text my father and tell him where I was, and could not focus on the task. I did not want to do it, mostly because I couldn’t remember how I talked in text conversation. I also was very averse to lying to him, although it would have been a petty lie. Eventually I calmed down and began to mess with my phone. It was very hard to use it, and took a pretty long time to think of the words I could use to sound normal. Once I sent it, I felt liberated.
<br>
I began scratching swirls into the table with a stick, and looking for all the little things that were appearing in it. B and M wanted to go walk around, after all, it was Halloween. I was scared to get off of the bench but with some encouragement from B I was able to.
<br>
<br>
We walked out of the forest and onto the sidewalk. We saw tons of little kids walking around dressed as witches and ghosts, and it felt like the most ridiculous thing. I couldn’t grasp why we celebrate this, it was such a weird thing. We were pretty paranoid about people “knowing” and found ourselves walking very fast. It felt like everyone was looking at us. We would find ourselves walking very fast and would slow down rapidly, only to find that the pace had picked up again.
<br>
<br>
We decided to walk to my friend S’s house, who lived a ways away. Along the way, I started to see letters in everything. They would be made of the grass, or trees, or whatever I was looking at. If I looked at a blank surface, a concentric circle pattern of letters would appear and repeat itself on it. Later on I realized that this came from the swirls I was drawing on the table. Neither B nor M were having any visuals as strong as I was. We eventually got into the neighborhood where S lived and sat on a hill. B began to talk with M about philosophy; M was unusually quiet. He seemed involved in his own thoughts. I began to tell the others that I needed to get warm, even though I was already. I also became obsessed with the thought that my body and brain were separate. I always said “My body is telling me to…” and wanted my brain to connect what my body needed. I knew that my body was actually cold, but my brain was warm. I hadn’t eaten much all day, so I knew that my body was hungry, but my brain was full. It worried me and I began to feel bad about not taking care of my body.
<br>
<br>
All throughout the trip I was very emotional and felt in tune with everyone. I wanted to talk with everyone, even though I knew that I shouldn’t. I especially wanted to talk to family members and friends. At one point while we were walking, B brought up his cat, who had died recently. I immediately started to tear up and become extremely sad, even though I never had an emotional tie to the cat. We quickly switched topics when it became apparent that it was depressing everyone.
<br>
<br>
Eventually we got to S’s house and asked her for trick or treating bags (we had forgotten them). She gave us a few and stood outside and talked with us. S did not know that we were tripping, and was a little suspicious. She began playing with something that B was holding while M and B were talking. To me, it had looked entirely ridiculous and I couldn’t help myself from laughing. She kept asking me what was so funny and I just couldn’t tell her. We said our goodbyes and started to head home.
<br>
<br>
The letters had become much stronger and now said words like “dream”, “mesmerize”, “capitalize”, lights”, “sublime”, and “peace” which have strong meanings to me. All the letters took on a purple or green haze, and looked as if they were standing up on the surface they appeared. Patterns were much more prominent than ever. Clothes felt very restricting and unnatural. We got back to the school and parted with M, then went back to B’s house. We discussed our ongoing trip, and ways of thinking. I felt as if I had all the answers to questions, but no questions. I also felt that the letters were extremely important and I had to unjumble them. It soon got late and I walked home.
<br>
<br>
Once home, I got paper and a pen and drew the swirls on a paper, tracing the letters that I saw. They had faded significantly, but I managed to get a lot of them down. It seemed like there were an infinite amount. I tried sleeping but couldn’t and occupied myself for a few more hours until school the next morning. I went about the day in a more positive and uplifted state and the visuals faded even more. They were completely gone by the next day.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 94950</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 31, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,123</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=94950&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=94950&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 2:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">40 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/amphetamines/">Amphetamines</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 10:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 13:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">vaporized</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Unknown</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This trip was very risky and I could have had a bad trip. <!--In no way do I recommend you repeat these actions. This is simply my experience yours may be very different. -->
<br>
<br>
6:00 pm:
<br>
<br>
Dropped 2 125UG tabs swallowed them after 15 minutes. Ate a burger and sat in bed anticipating effects. This is my first LSD experience.
<br>
<br>
7:00 pm:
<br>
<br>
Did not feel any different
<br>
<br>
7:30pm
<br>
<br>
I was looking at my fans ceiling shadow while it was turned off. The shadow began to change color and shape into a cannabis leaf. It was a very vibrant blend of Rasta colors and it began to get jagged around the edges. It slowly got brighter and brighter and in an instance exploded into a flash of color. They started spinning around and began to turn into shapes indescribably complex. It appeared the fan was turned on. The shadow began spinning with very bright colors following the blades. The shadow was so vibrant the actual fan seemed to disappear and it was only the shadow left. The room kept blacking out repeatedly I would stare at the shadow and it would get bigger and bigger until it got so dark I would think my eyes were closet. After a few seconds it would shrink and get smaller and it would repeat.
<br>
<br>
7:45 pm
<br>
<br>
I turned my light off and lay in bed listening to music. I could see the outline of the window in the darkness. As I took a breathe of air it would get bigger as I breathed out it began to get smaller I enjoyed seeing this and the longer I stared the more it changed. I began seeing very bright pink outlining the blinds and the whole room was moving. I could see the outline of furniture and they were moving and the darkness turned into many shapes and even a few figures that looked like faces. The entire world felt alive. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text"> The entire world felt alive.</div></div> I layed in bed smiling so hard I started crying tears of joy. I was smiling so much it hurt my mouth, I laughed at just the thought of that I've never been so happy it hurts to smile. The thought of experiencing that for the first time made me even more happy.
<br>
<br>
In an instance it felt as if everything stress was gone. Just completely stress free and I layed in bed just mind blown at how happy I was. I was trying to wrap my mind around how you have bad trip. I asked myself “how do people have bad trips? I'm the happiest I've been in years.”
<br>
<br>
I also asked this because I wasn't in a good setting, my parents were awake and I was in my room which made me question how bad trips work. I was in a bad spot and still had the time of my life. I even had to talk too my mom and I did it just fine without freaking out or thinking bad thoughts.
<br>
<br>
8:30pm
<br>
<br>
Took 4 Adderall 10mg XR prescribed to me and smoked an 8th of weed.
<br>
<br>
9:00pm
<br>
<br>
Very heavy effects the entire room was shaking almost indescribable. The weed made the effects feel 10x heavier. Music was very different it sounded a lot more crisp and real if that makes sense.
<br>
<br>
10:00pm
<br>
I walk outside to get my skateboard that I left in my friends car. The cold air was freezing, my hands felt like they were frozen solid. My phone looks completely different, I almost got confused trying to play music on my own phone. I can't describe how it was different it was just very odd a lot of things felt out of place. The sound cloud interface was completely different and I sat there for 20 minutes trying to learn how to use my own phone. I laughed for a good 10 minutes after knowing I couldn't even use my own phone I've had for a year. It was hilarious to me.
<br>
<br>
4:00am
<br>
I decide to drop another two tabs I keep them in my mouth for 30 minutes and swallow them with water… I'm still feeling heavy effects from the first 2 tabs
<br>
<br>
7:00am
<br>
This is when shit gets crazy! I get on the bus for school and look out the window. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The sun was just rising and I was speechless at the beauty of the world. I realized just how blessed we are to live. I grew a new respect for life, for the world.
<br>
<br>
I finally get to school and I meet this guy I was selling Adderall too. He gives me the money and we are talking in the bathroom. I told him what I did and he said and I quote “your eyes look like flying saucers” I was laughing but deep down mentally was kind of scared that my eyes were wide enough for teachers to notice. He calmed me down saying “no teacher is gonna think high school kids have access to LSD if anything they might think you're just hyped up on caffeine.” We part ways and he wishes me luck. I was calmed down a bit by what he said. Still very worried I decided to take deep breaths and as I did the hallway moved with me it made me chuckle and calmed me down a bit. I started walking with my other friend. I wanted to be around someone sober so I can stay “down to earth.” <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I wanted to be around someone sober so I can stay “down to earth.”</div></div> He has taken tabs before so I figured if I'm gonna be around anyone it should be him.
<br>
<br>
7:30am
<br>
I had a free period first block so instead of getting signatures (it was my last day had to get my teachers signatures for grades and stuff) I decided to take the period to get myself together. I sat in the bathroom vaping with my friend (the one who had taken tabs) he showed me trippy pictures on google it was actually quite fun. The tiles in the bathroom were also very trippy. They were black and white checker colored and I sat there in amazement as it moved and changed under me. I looked down at my shoes and the floor would get closer and closer and farther and it seemed like I was spinning. Mentally I knew I wasn't spinning so I wasn't dizzy but in my eyes it appeared as if I was. I looked in the mirror at myself and stared into my eyes and I was amazing. It made me smile to know I was blessed enough to have people like this, someone who would look after me. He could've said no and went to class but he skipped and stayed with me instead. It made me smile to know I had someone who would do that for me.
<br>
<br>
8:45
<br>
It was my last day in school (hence the reason I said fuck it and tripped in school) I had to walk around talking to all of my teachers getting their signatures.
<br>
<br>
Walked around getting signatures. I felt like every person I passed was looking at me. I made akward eye contact with a few people and their faces were very trippy and intimidating. I managed to take 4 tests I had to make up I was starting to peak as I was talking to my bio teacher… that did not go well. I think she knew something was up she gave me an odd look but I took my test and I left. I was walking around school for another 30 minutes vaping in the bathrooms switching every 5 minutes or so I wouldn't get caught.
<br>
<br>
10:00
<br>
I realized how hard I was tripping and it only seemed to get more and more real. My mom picked me up I said bye to the office and left for home so happy to be gone.
<br>
<br>
A few days later….
<br>
<br>
I can't describe how but when I smoke weed now it feels VERY DIFFERENT. I legitimately feel like I'm tripping off of the weed. I still feel sort of a “hangover effect” things are still wavy and weed is almost a complete different high.
<br>
<br>
Overall a very dumb idea and I should not have done it but overall I didn't have a bad trip had a little bit of anxiety but I take medicine for that so it helps keep the anxiety down which really saved my ass. If I hadn't taken that medicine I feel I would have had a bad trip at school. But I didn't, I had an amazing time and saw some of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Be blessed people life is an amazing thing live life one day at a time.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109595</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 7, 2016</td><td>Views: 6,510</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109595&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109595&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), School (35)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">300 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/bupropion/">Pharms - Bupropion</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">300 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/gabapentin/">Pharms - Gabapentin</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">50 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diphenhydramine/">Diphenhydramine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">50 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diphenhydramine/">Diphenhydramine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dpt/">DPT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Dose: 3 tabs LSD (300-480 ug), 300 mg DXM, 100 mg DPH, some quantity of DPT
<br>
I followed a strict schedule for dosing-
<br>
7:30- 50 mg DPH
<br>
8:00- 100 mg DXM, 50 mg DPH
<br>
8:30- 3 tabs LSD, 100 mg DXM
<br>
9:00-100 mg DXM
<br>
9:30- DPT
<br>
(I was also on prescribed 300 mg Buproprion and 300 mg Gabapentin at this time)
<br>
<br>
The setting was in my room, made to bleakness. Auditory was the hum of white noise, lighting was only an extremely bright CFL bulb pointed directly at my face. The dosing regimen was begun after a shower, with ginger tea used to suppress inevitable nausea.
<br>
<br>
Nothing felt until about 8:45, after first administration of DXM and some LSD. My body is feelin off and very floaty, a strange sort of warm numbness. My head feels like it’s going to drift away, the typical dissociative feeling, associated with a sort of glowing pulsing patterning on surfaces, slowly becoming more and more prominent. By 9:15 I definitely feel very very altered, I have the usual dex walk feeling, but I get a sense that my limbs are jerking around in a strangely organized patterned way, probably compliments of the LSD. If you imagine you were viewing someone moving behind a grid of glass bubbles, their movements being jerked to the edge of the bubbles because of the glass’ distortion, that’s kinda what I felt like.
<br>
<br>
By the time I decide to take the DPT, I am feeling such a rush of the world dissolving around me, everything seems darker and I feel like my body is in all sorts of places where it isn’t. I decide to just snort it right out of the bag. Not really sure why I would do this, there’s absolutely no way to accurately measure anything. I guess my judgment was impaired. I rail the powder and it feels like someone shot me in the face with a shotgun, but instead of shot its glitter and fog. I just barely manage to put the bag down before I just feel myself automatically, reflexively fall backwards onto my bed. I lie here, the entire room a spinning mess of fractals and patterns lit in strange ways and close my eyes.
<br>
<br>
I’m not really sure what happened here, this is a complete blank in my memory. Chronology was impossible to keep at this point. I believe I may have fallen asleep or gone unconscious in some way. Either way, I definitely felt myself open my eyes and come to, albeit in a very strange world. My entire room had become dull sepia toned and high contrast, with values becoming washed out and everything looking flat. Everything was swirling with some unknown force- if you google a video of blood flowing through veins under a microscope, that is pretty much what my room looked/felt like (I use the term “look” pretty loosely from here on, my senses were scrambled and things were experienced beyond what could be described as senses). Objects were warping, swirling and bulging as if they were made of flowing syrup. I noticed if I dragged my hand on any surface it would make very distinct metallic scraping ringing noise. Touching and tapping things also made a metallic sort of clank. The soundscape- the ambient white noise had transformed into a wild flanging and warping and bubbling, random shifts in pitch accompanied by an ambient rushing noise, like water rushing through pipes, an auditory version of the visuals essentially. The world was in flux but was simultaneously so still.
<br>
<br>
Cognitive function was too alien to even begin to describe. I was not even someone else, I was something else, or some degree of alienation beyond that. However I processed this environment was likely completely nonsensical to a sober mind, with associations and thought processes seemingly arbitrary and random. It all made sense at the time though. My internal monologue had become a nasally voice speaking in the flattest most robotic monotone, saying random bleak phrases in a strange verse and rhythm. I decided I could explore further. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes. I am sequencing the following events in a way that seems like a logical progression in retrospect, even though they unfolded beyond any sort of concept of linear time.
<br>
<br>
It felt like I was caught in a furious wind storm, the fibers of my existence being strewn and stretched about every which way. I watched a world of CEV’s, fractals and afterimages of the room around me reduce into simpler and simpler geometry until they dissociated completely into a flat checkerboard plane. I wasn’t viewing this plane, or experiencing it even, this was me, this was me and the entirety of existence, into one unsettling conclusion at the depths of reduction. It seems at some point this too began to give way to a setting. All settings described hereforth are once again not necessarily seen, heard, sensed, or even experienced, they just were, and so was I. This setting was a checkerboard plane floating in infinite black space. In one corner was the familiar dex+LSD character, a block with a slab of meat(?) smacked upon it, chains extending from it into the abyss. On here was a vaguely humanoid figure, a grey putty in human form, with a metallic sphere for a head, two silvery lips upon it, this being speaking to me in that same internal monologue voice, this time it didn’t feel like it was coming from within me though, and it continued to ramble about god knows what in that monotonous verse. It was spewing streams of random words it seems, but at the time it all made perfect sense.
<br>
<br>
Eventually this world too gave way, I began to piece together some sense of “self”, some sense of being detached from the world that could independently exist within it. I became a black scribble with a checkerboard aura, pulsing pink and green, and I simply wandered off. I wandered away from the familiar, I could feel the strange plane and my actual setting my room fading into the distance as I js wandered, and suddenly I found myself somewhere else entirely. Somewhere else, something else, just completely beyond the scope of human comprehension, that is what I simply ambled into.
<br>
<br>
This was a place I have labelled “the dextroverse” (even though psychedelics played heavily into its existence)
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This was something beyond recognizable human experience, typically a “space” is explored through sensory inputs and stimuli, and typically an beyond that an experience takes place within a “space”, a place defined by dimensions and an interplay with time. None of this applied, this is incomprehensible to the human mind, its incomprehensible to me, but it made sense to my dexed out acid brain, this retrospective is rlly the most I can make of what was probably beyond any description I can give. I’m going to describe this “world” in terms of sensory inputs even though senses were irrelevant, my form wasn’t even anything that could sense anything.
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This plane was a vastness, an impossible sprawling and open bleakness, akin to a desert with a sky so imposing and huge it’s vacuum could be called monolithic, and a flatness so crushingly sterile and bleak as sun baked bones. I floated above this, a speck as insignificant as a speck could be. In the distance, the astronomical distance, were mountains perhaps, or simply some sort of limit placed on this yawning plane.
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This place was inhabited.
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Maybe I witnessed more, but only 2 sorts of being stick out. I would teleport around the place, space and time were meaningless and I could go wherever I wanted however I wanted.
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One could be described as a sort of worm, it was dull grey and a sort of wrinkly, and looked as if it was made of intestines. At one end was a toothy mouth lined in dark flesh (?), akin to a francis bacon painting (see study for 3 figures at base of a crucifiction). Upon seeing it, it seemed to flatten my experience and input, if a visual analogy were made it would be said that gazing upon it turned the world 2 dimensional and slew any sense of depth perception. It pulsed with a sickly green and pink aura, its sinews pulsing and bulging and warping. I do recall that upon opening my eyes, it was still there, in my vision, flattening my room, sitting dead center of my gaze no matter where I looked. Interestingly the ambient noise seemed to flang and warp in sync with the bulging and pulsing of its body. It eventually faded. This one seemed oddly familiar.
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The other were two immense beings next to one another, impossibly huge, larger than anything on earth. I flitted around them like a speck of dust in a draft. These monolithic beings were vaguely human shaped, their matter seeming to be a sort of swirling darkness. These beings were completely and utterly indifferent to me and to anything human or any sort of human struggle. The entire history of the world would be a passing breeze to them. They were so alien and so incomprehensible cold, indifferent, and unfeeling that the air and rocks around them seemed to glisten with color and passion. My presence wasn’t just nothing to them, it was beyond nothing, them choosing to consider my existence was a cosmic impossibility and absurdity, and even if they did they would have no comprehension of something so below them. Being near them felt like holding my brain and sanity to a grinding wheel.
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I think all of this ended about 2 hours later. I noticed that old familiar thought processes were coming back, sensory inputs started to seem more …. Earthly, I was still very very fucked up and altered, but I was human again. I spent the rest of the night watching my roommate play videogames, my short term memory was completely shot for the rest of the night, having conversations was very difficult. There really wasn’t much else to note.
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It seems as though parts of the dextroverse were informed subconsciously by art and other things I had seen (see: Mat Brinkman, Jesse Moynihan, Francis Bacon), I don’t think there’s anything I could describe as being more strange and bleak and surreal than that experience. I have never in my life been more separated from any sense of being human or even from this reality and existence. Hell yeahhh<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107743</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 19, 2016</td><td>Views: 5,146</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=107743&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=107743&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), DXM (22) : Depression (15), Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
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</table>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/1p-lsd/">1P-LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">45 kg</td>
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<!-- Start Body -->
My brother was supposed to leave me alone, but at the last moment he said he had to stay home as he didn't have anywhere to go. I didn't want this to ruin my plans, so decided to still take the trip (although it did have a major influence on my experience). I also noticed the effect of many other external factors as well, like people I hang out with, things I‘m reading, my feelings, and of course the music, although unconsciously there must've been many more.
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First I wanted to meditate for a while, but was quite excited so couldn't really get to it. I put the new Furious cd (Supremacy) and took the trip at around 10PM. Immediately after taking the blotter I started feeling cold and shivering and my heart started to race. I usually experience that when coming up, but here it was so immediate that it had to be a placebo effect, mostly due to excitement and a bit of anxiety because of my brother's presence. A bit later I started to feel the substance going through my body, through each vein, which goes along with the change of focus from the body to the mind. Those feelings are pretty usual for me, but in order to describe the whole trip as accurately as possible I feel it should be mentioned If only for the sake of people reading who have possibly never taken acid. After the substance is integrated, those effects disappear and the focus shifts to the mind and/or spirit.
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I've tried to write some important points down, but found it quite hard and felt it was more important to stay focused on the music, so most of those things I've written are my impressions from after the trip.
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After the Furious cd, I put the new Osom cd on (Midnight's shared blossom) and it started to play just at the moment where my experience was the most intense, here there was a duality as the trip became more intense due to the intensity of the music, whilst the music’s intensity increased due to the trip.
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First I started exploring with the lights for a while. Initially tuned on the UV black light and lay on my bed looking at quite a scary poster with my head facing up. I felt so comfortable in that position that I found it quite hard to move, but knew it would be less beneficial to my trip, so I made myself. The mere UV light (even without tripping) let's us discover many things on the psychedelic posters that aren't easily noticeable otherwise (like the Theologist by Alex Grey where the line of energy coming from the third eye and the bulb of energy surrounding him becomes much clearer). However, the backdrops that were the brightest and most fluorescent were the ones that have the least to show (which can be compared to full on music and which precisely came from the period when I listened to it), These pictures, of mushrooms, Krishna and one of the ॐ sign, weren’t something I wished to be distracted by so I turned the light off. There was one poster, the Celestial tree by Venosa which I did intend to explore, but I felt it could wait till another time.
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Afterwards I went to the toilet and had to turn the light on. On the ground I noticed many little beings, some insects, but also some beings we usually don't notice, I thought I was seeing even the tiniest bacteria and particles. When I returned into my room and turned the light on, I noticed the same thing on the floor and on the bed. Is our vision really so sharpened under the influence of LSD or are they just an expression of my fears? On the one side, they were frightening, I wanted to clean before lying down again, but on the other side they were an expression of such a rich invisible world, living side by side with ourselves and I thought they shouldn't bother me, I should let them live and accept them as a necessary part of our universe. However, those little animals also show something else, something about myself. Whether it is that I'm trying too hard to get rid of things I find impure in my life, that it isn't the right time yet and maybe I should be accepting them, or alternatively that there are things I find impure that I should precisely get rid of or it could also be both, depending on what it is about.
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I didn't want to get distracted by the particles again and wanted to concentrate on the music mostly, so I turned the light off, this time for good. That's where the chaos and internal, but very real visions started. First of all I noticed how every little beat and every little second in the music is important (there are many subtleties we hardly even notice, but the track would loose it's meaning if it weren't for them) and how it's the same in life, every little movement we make makes a change. That's why we should always be careful with the decisions we make, although it isn't so clear how to decide. I think it depends on our level of consciousness. People who are more conscious can rely on their intuition in order to make decisions, but people who aren't there yet should mostly base their decisions on the reason, since they're very likely to confuse intuition with instinct.
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In the music there were also things (I don't really know how I perceived them) that were telling me that I was trying to go too deep, that I was accessing forbidden information, but it wasn't like the government or society trying to hide those things from us, it was pointing more towards the definite changes it could cause, like in the track 'Only wish to warn you' where the word 'only' is really ironic! It was like reaching a point of no return, since excessive use could take me to such a level of advancement/awareness, that nobody would understand me anymore and they'd take me for crazy. But does it matter? Yes, because “they” may deem it necessary to treat me with pharmaceuticals to make me become 'normal' which is the opposite of enlightened. Although it was a warning, I know I’m not quite there yet, there's still a lot to work on from the outside. Passage from Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield that I read the day after, that perfectly relates to that feeling : 'Once we try to talk to someone who is operating in normal consciousness, or try to live in a world where conflict is still happening, we get knocked out of this advanced state and fall back to the level of our old selves.'
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I was also experiencing that all the bases, all the roots I was hanging on to were falling apart. I saw myself flying, trying to hang on to something, anything, but it didn't work. There was nothing I could relate to that could save me from it. That's about attachment, how we always feel the need to find security and someone to reassure us, to protect us, by making links in the material world that give us the impression of that security, but in the end of the day we can't really rely on them and they're nothing but an illusion. In the end we're abandoned to ourselves and our spirit. When I wanted to get out of my room, being scared to be seen by my brother, I felt that I was trying to hide between my four walls, but that it was useless, since my spirit was far beyond those walls, actually it knows no bounds if I'm able to set it free, which I should, but don't know how. Or it isn't the right time yet...
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I was also seeing some scenes of war and fights, but can't remember much about them.
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Another thing I remember while listening to the Osom cd was that at each thought that I created in my mind, there were little men who had quite scary, big, green faces and evil laughs, that were making fun of me, defying my thoughts, making me question myself much further about each one and take nothing for granted.
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I was thinking that I was going too far, receiving too much information which I won't be able to integrate afterwards <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I was thinking that I was going too far, receiving too much information which I won't be able to integrate afterwards</div></div>, so I wanted to stop, calm my spirit down, but I knew the experience would've been incomplete if I didn't finish the Osom cd, so I listened to it till the end, then put the Magnum Opus track 'Only wish to warn you' afterwards. I had a hard time finding the cd, (as its writing is so unnoticeable), which was really disturbing, such a powerful music with such a discreet cover. I listened to it once and then I was afraid that my brother would wake up and come to tell me to turn off the music, so I put my headphones on. I found that that track was so complex that I should listen to it on repeat for a while in order to reach a deeper understanding of it. While listening to it I had some similar visions as before and also some family and everyday scenes, where the little men were laughing again and pointing out how everything those people do was wrong, how they were fooling themselves, living a lie. People need to be afraid in order to understand those things. However, while listening to that track, I was also reassured due to the sample 'sending you my love, straight from my heart, sending you all the love I have for you'. I'm not sure if that's the right purpose of it or if it's being ironic again because it’s an emotion we shouldn’t really hang on to, but since it's such a short part, it also shows that that moment when somebody's there to comfort us is as impermanent as everything else and thus an illusion (Buddhist influence). I feel the sample is also relating to universal love and not just a love towards one person we should hang on to, that's also an explanation.
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All of those things I've discovered where things I already knew, but it had to make a deeper impact for me to integrate them, although I'm not really sure how to go about it. I hope I'll figure that out or be able to follow my intuition in order to discover it. I'm sure it'll already help me understand music much better which is already very important.
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 76425</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 16, 2016</td><td>Views: 3,763</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=76425&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=76425&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Music Discussion (22), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">8 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Galantamine</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">600 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">alpha-GPC</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">10 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/hydrocodone/">Hydrocodone</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">325 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/acetaminophen/">Acetaminophen</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:40</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Ondansetron</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/spice_product/">Products - Spice-Like Smoking Blends</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
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<!-- Start Body -->
For this experience, I really felt the desire to trip hard. For three weeks after the last trip I wrote about, I was totally buzzing on the afterglow. I had been re-examining several very big aspects of my life, and coming to terms with things that had bothered me for years. At the same time though, I felt I was also uncovering other issues in me that had faded with time, and after a while I just wanted to trip again to work on further accepting myself. At the end of those three weeks, and one week before this experience, I had ended up taking six and a half hits with a couple of close friends. It was an intense and moving experience, but a lot of my focus was spent watching the friend who was having her first LSD experience ever, and I kind of wished I had saved that sort of dose for an alone trip. One message that that trip did leave me with though was to laugh more, which I've really taken to heart and benefited from. But mostly, it left me with a feeling of wanting more, especially after how hard my friend was tripping.
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With that trip I had taken 200 mg of vitamin B, 400 mg of choline, and 8 mg of galantamine, and I felt it might have actually enhanced the experience to a degree, so this time I decided to use 600 mg of alpha-GPC and 2400 mg of piracetam before dosing. I also took a 10 mg Vicodin for a headache with 4 mg of Zofran for nausea, and I had been smoking weed all day. My mindset was one of just wanting to go all out and really enjoy something, so I excitedly planned to take up to ten hits of LSD. I cut a ten strip out and then divided it up to four, four, and two. This was all from T+0:00 to T+1:45.
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T+1:45 - I took the first four hits. I walked around for a bit, preparing myself mentally for the experience.
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T+2:45 - I was starting to feel the LSD creep in but I knew I could *definitely* take more, so I took the next four hits as well. I'm pretty sure at some point after that I smoked some more weed to kick the experience up a notch, and I was definitely getting strong visuals. Much more than I had in a long time actually; they seem to have been increasing along with my sensitivity to the psychedelic state in general lately. I remember just thinking about how beautiful they were.
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T+4:00 - I'm already starting to trip pretty hard at this point, but I decided to take the next two hits as well. I'm not actually sure how much of a dose I got from them though; I'm sure it was something, but I can't say for certain it was the whole thing. I left the hits in my mouth for a little while, but then I remember becoming confused by what I was chewing and then deciding that I really didn't need more when I pulled it out to look at it, and then threw it away. So who knows? All I can say is that I definitely kept tripping harder and harder after that point.
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For a while after that, I really lost my perception of time. I can't really say what happened when. What I do know is that everything started to get very confusing very quickly, and I decided that I wanted to kick it up a notch. I grabbed an old smoking blend I had saved called '42 Degrees Green', which I want to say has JWH-250 in it but I couldn't say for sure. I smoked a bowl of it and the trip certainly did become more intense, but I felt like it was still just pushing up against that breaking point, but not actually going through it. Tripping is always very sexual for me and it sort of felt like the build up to an intense orgasm without the full release. The way it impacted the trip was all together not too different from the way that the weed was, just a bit stronger. It was bringing out the sexual edge a lot though. At that point, I decided that I wanted to smoke some of the salvia extract that I had prepared for myself....
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I can no longer get salvia where I am, but I still had just a little bit of this extract left from when I could, about enough for three bowls. Unfortunately I don't remember the strength of the extract, I just remember that it was enough to do something for me. I have had an odd relationship with salvia.... I would say that it's probably the hallucinogen that has had the most reverse tolerance in me comparable to LSD, though that's not surprising based on everything I've heard about it. It really does seem though like one experience is just a continuance of the last to me, for both of these drugs.
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When it comes to me and salvia, I've nearly always had the exact same experience with it: my experience of reality is replaced by one static frame in a void, an image that is just displayed in the background while I'm delirious and can't remember anything about my life, and I keep feeling like it's 'my turn' and I need to get away from this and go do something, but whenever I try to the frame peels away until a force pushes me back and it replaces itself. There's always a sudden emotion of 'Oh fuck, it's this again!' whenever the trip first starts. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">There's always a sudden emotion of 'Oh fuck, it's this again!' whenever the trip first starts.</div></div> There was really only one ever experience that I had with it that differed from this pattern, and it was the time I smoked it three times in one sitting. The first trip was just that kind of trip, but the second one was totally different. I stayed very much in reality's 'frame', with nothing replacing it, but everything started spinning very rapidly and entities started entering my bedroom, and it felt very dissociative. The third hit was like this again, but while the second was still a little shocking, the third one was actually quite sexual and very much like a serotonergic psychedelic for me. I was certainly intrigued, but I hadn't really smoked salvia again in a while. The idea of having to go through the first kind of trip again to get to the others was kind of off-putting.
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I had however smoked salvia on 2C-I once while coming off of ketamine, and that was actually a very nice experience with some beautiful visuals, though the salvia effect I got from it was not very strong. This time I was determined to give it a better shot, and I'd never tried it on LSD before, but since I did love it so much I thought it might enhance the salvia nicely. I smoked one decent-sized bowl of it in a couple of hits, and then just waited. Suddenly my vision was replaced by the frame again, but this time it was different, and colored with the palette an LSD hallucination would be. I didn't actually get the feeling of being stuck or needing to move, but instead I just felt free.... Rather than the frame attempting to pull back and then failing, *more* frames were being stacked on top of it, and together they were building a spiral that extended out in front of me. For a second this caught me by surprise and I hesitated, and the frames stopped being added, but then I realized it and it was so simple.... All I had to do was let go. So I did, and the frames continued being added.... The feeling it gave me was orgasmic, and as the spiral continued to build, I felt myself slipping into oblivion.
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Suddenly, there was no 'I' left in the experience. All that remained was a towering structure floating in an infinite void. This structure was comprised of neon blue girls all reaching up and grabbing one another by the leg while twisting so that together they created one half of a helix design. The camera angle that was being fed through this field of perception was one of following the spiral, and I can't remember if it was up or down, but it might have been both at the same time as this sort of thing has happened for me on salvia before while watching things zip and unzip simultaneously.... There may have been more to this, but it's very hard to remember now. All I know is that this continued until suddenly the camera zoomed in to one small part of this design again, and suddenly it was a frame being pulled away to reveal 'normal' (LSD-enhanced) reality again, and I suddenly came back into myself and realized what the hell just happened. I immediately grabbed the pipe and loaded a second bowl of the salvia extract, and took it in a couple more hits.
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This time, the difference between the first and second hit of salvia for me again kicked in. I again did not leave this frame, but instead was put in a much more dissociative-feeling state. I was given a second point of view outside of the first-person one that sees through my eyes, and this third-person camera angle was actually pointing in at my body while quickly rotating around the circumference of a vast space that I perceived my own awareness to be inhabiting, and everything in my perception around it was spinning very intensely as well. I immediately and without question knew that this must be what it feels like when you are on the verge of death and your reality is just coming unglued around you. In my previous dose I had had to let go of the fear of not knowing whether or not I was still alive, but this was different; the message that I got from this trip was that if I pushed this any further I would actually have to experience my own death *knowing* I'm dying, an experience which sounded much more intense. This dose was just allowing me to ride along the edge of it so that I could see what I was getting myself into. Before too long, I snapped back into my regular body again and was just tripping very, very hard on the LSD, with a much more satisfied feeling with my experience than I had had before the salvia. I felt extremely euphoric in both mind and body.
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<br>
For hours after that I continued to lie in bed in the dark smoking weed and that smoking blend, and just listening to music and thinking about life. For a while I was watching some sexy Bollywood music videos just because they were so trippy and stimulating. The animal nature feeling that LSD always gives me definitely plays off that as well. A big part of the way that this trip affected me, and that I was thinking about in that time, was that my last big trip that I wrote about had helped me feel more psychologically aligned, but I still had some physical insecurities and issues to deal with about my transsexuality. For a long time I had been thinking that if I could ever have an out-of-body experience it would probably be therapeutic to me in this way, and not just because of that aspect of it but also because of how those kinds of experiences relate to my sexuality, but I had never been able to completely let go into one like that on a hallucinogen before, and definitely never on salvia. This trip actually did validate a lot of those feelings I was having, and I found it to be a major stress release in that way. I honestly never would have thought that I would have such a personally healing experience from salvia <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I honestly never would have thought that I would have such a personally healing experience from salvia</div></div>, but this experience really did make me gain a lot more respect for it. It was actually one of my most euphoric and therapeutic experiences ever.
<br>
<br>
I simply reflected on all of this and thought about where my life was going at the time, and how two of my close friends were moving all the way across the country in a couple of days. I was going to meet them in the morning, so eventually when day came I got out of bed and showered and tried to normalize, other than smoking more weed, and just watched Netflix and listened to music and thought about the night. I took some Librium to kill the end of the trip after a while and then when the time came I headed out to meet them and a mutual friend and we enjoyed a good walk through the park and some joints as a send off, and I talked to them about my trip. After that I pretty much went home and then just crashed, and that was that.
<br>
<br>
This whole trip was very refreshing, but I feel that what it did for me the most was set up the next trip I had. I feel like getting to that out-of-body point on the salvia really helped me to push to new heights with the LSD as well, because I feel like the reverse tolerance even works in the sense that once I reach a state on LSD with the assistance of salvia or some other hallucinogen, I can somewhat reach that state again on LSD alone.... Anyway, I won't go too much into that for now.
<br>
<br>
The last thing I'll say is that this trip really reminded me how much I like high doses of LSD!<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 103246</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 20, 2016</td><td>Views: 3,666</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=103246&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=103246&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Salvia divinorum (44), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Entities / Beings (37), Sex Discussion (14), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 tablets</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Before I get started with this trip-report, let me provide you with some information about my drug intake prior to this experience.
<br>
<br>
I'd smoked weed countless times before this trip, and had taken MDMA more times than I could count, too. I'd tripped on acid 3 times in total, though the third time I got shitty tabs so I don't really like to count that as a real trip. I'd taken n-bombe once<!--, which for those of you who don't know is another strong psychedelic that's fairly similar to acid in some aspects-->.
<br>
<br>
The day of the trip began, and I hadn't slept a wink the night before. So the entire day I was very tired and groggy, with only marijuana to assist me in staying awake and alert. Me and a friend, we'll call him B, went and picked up three tabs between us as we were on our way to a house party with a number of our other friends. We arrived at the house a little early as we knew the person who was hosting the party and she allowed us to sit in her living area and watch TV while we waited for people to arrive. With people due to begin arriving in the next 45 minutes, we decided it'd be a good idea to stick our tabs under our tongue.
<br>
<br>
As people began to arrive, I could feel myself coming up a little, I felt a little strange, but I couldn't put my finger on why. 10 minutes passed, and I decided to get up and head into the kitchen as a few people had just arrived and I wanted to go and say hi. I walked into the kitchen, and as I did so it felt like the door frame twisted to one side and I'd just stepped into another world - that's the moment I knew the acid was beginning to hit me. 'Woah! What the fuck' I exclaimed in a playful manner, explaining to the sober people in the room what'd just happened. They all found it hilarious, and I went back into the living area with a grin on my face. This is where things began to get crazy.
<br>
<br>
I've came to the conclusion that in the past, I'd only taken crappy tabs, and the tabs I got that night were the first decent tabs of acid I'd taken. I'd obviously felt the effects of acid with the other tabs I've taken, the confusion, visuals, etc, etc. but never as intensely as I did this night. The first thing I noticed that began to trigger my bad trip was that I was unable to properly watch the television, in the past, I'd be able to get a general idea of what was going on, and I'd somewhat understand the premise of the show I was watching.
<br>
<br>
This time however, because I saw an actor from 'Friends' the TV show, I was continuously thinking we were watching Friends, even though we weren't. The few people left in the living area had to keep explaining to me that we weren't watching friends, they found it funny that I continued to forget everything that was happening on the TV, and that I couldn't even keep ahold of what we were watching. I laughed along with them, but in the back of my mind I began to think 'This has never happened to me before on acid, is this acid? Have I been given something else?' the main reason for me beginning to think this was probably due to the fact I'd never bought off this dealer before, I didn't even know her, it was B's dealer - not mine.
<br>
<br>
The next thing that happened that I'd never experienced before was people's faces beginning to become distorted and stretch. Everyone I looked at had HUGE eyes, and I mean HUGE. It was like their eye began somewhere around the middle of their forehead and ended at their cheekbone. This again, trigged the doubts that what I'd taken was actually acid. All that was racing through my mind was these stories about people dying from 'acid clones', people having seizures, all that shit. My friend began to speak to me from across the room, I couldn't even work out what he was saying, I was just focusing on how flushed everyone's face looked, and how his eyebrow was slowly creeping down his face and twisting around his mouth as he spoke. I didn't want to tell anyone how I was feeling because I'd been bigging up acid for the past 4 months, constantly raving about how amazing it is and how I can't wait to get more. I just sat in the armchair and tried to ride it out.
<br>
<br>
I then received news that two of my friends were on the way, H and C. They'd both never seen me on acid, and I wasn't sure how to handle being on a bad trip around them. They were both very bubbly and excitable people, especially when they were together, and out of literally everyone at that party, I was the closest with them both, so there was no escaping conversation, and I was dreading their loud personalities while I was feeling like this. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">there was no escaping conversation, and I was dreading their loud personalities while I was feeling like this.</div></div> B was tripping alongside me, but he wasn't saying much, he never really speaks, and he definitely wouldn't tell someone if he was feeling bad, too. We kind of sat next to each other on the couch in the living area tripping utter balls, with 1,000 bad thoughts racing through both of our minds. I didn't know it yet, but B was having a bad trip, too. It was B's first time trying acid, having only tried n-bombe in the past, and it was my responsibility to look out for him in case this happened, I'd never foreseen that I'd have a bad trip too.
<br>
<br>
As I sat beside him, I simply turned to him and said 'This is strong as fuck acid, I've never had anything like this in my life.' I didn't want to trip him out, so I said acid, but I used the word loosely. He just turned to me and laughed a little bit and said 'Yes.' - I could tell he was feeling the extremely intense effects of the acid just from his quiet response. I didn't know if it was just the acid, but he didn't look himself. I tried to disregard this, as all it was doing was adding to my paranoia, so I simply began to look around the room. This didn't help. I looked at the floor, and saw that it looked as if I was at the bottom of a hill, the floor, and the furniture on the floor (The TV stand, the armchair, etc) all looked like they were on a slant. It was like the floor was tilted upwards ever so slightly, and the room also had this new 'aura' about it, it's hard to explain. <!--Anyone who's done acid will know what I mean about an aura in a room, and they'll also empathise with how hard it is to describe what acid is like. -->I decided to turn my focus to the TV, as the tilting was again something I haven't experienced before on acid so it began to trip me out even more, almost everything I looked at seemed to contribute to what was about to become the worst trip of my life.
<br>
<br>
<!--As you may know, f-->For a few hours, <!--depending on what tabs you get, -->the acid got progressively stronger, and stronger. At this point, I was unable to even comprehend what was happening on the TV show I was watching, I was utterly and totally confused. Suddenly, the TV screen appeared to 'pop out' from the actual TV set itself, it was as if the screen was hovering just in front of the TV set. Something then came on the TV with a fairground ride or something, I don't know, I can't really remember. But either way, it began flashing an array of different colours, and amazingly, whatever colour was displayed on the TV was mirrored across the entire room, the TV flashed orange, the entire room was orange for a split second, it turned green, so did the room. At the time, I didn't find this enjoyable at all, and knowing that my two friends, H and C were on the way, I decided to head upstairs.
<br>
<br>
I stumbled through the narrow corridor after making my way upstairs and looked for an empty room. I peeped my head around a corner and found an empty room with a double bed. I slowly entered the room and perched myself on the end of the bed, one thing I noticed is that the bedside table that should have been to the left of me beside my knee was now somehow completely stretched out and covered the entire left field of my vision. It was like everything I wasn't focused on was stretched towards the centre of my vision, and I hated it.
<br>
<br>
It wasn't long before someone noticed I was missing, and the people who happened to find me were H and C. For some reason, I thought they were going to purposely make my trip worse if I told them about it, so I kept silent and nodded along while they spoke to me. They both came and joined me in the room I was in and began to have their own little conversation about random shit, they knew I was on acid and just presumed I was zoning out happily in my own world, so they left me to it for a while.
<br>
<br>
I was then pulled into the conversation when I heard them mention pills, C said something along the lines of 'I can't wait for D to get back with these pills though, then I'll be buzzing like you J (me) haha!' I then stared at him blankly, to which he said 'Are you enjoying it, bro?' I paused for a few moments, and decided I had to tell SOMEONE, heck, my girlfriend was at that party somewhere and I had been avoiding her, I didn't even want to tell her. C is someone who knew his shit about drugs, in-fact, he's the one that introduced me to the stronger drugs, other than weed. So I worked up the courage to say 'No.' I told him and H that I thought I was having a bad trip, and luckily their moods changed in an instant.
<br>
<br>
They both suddenly went into serious mode, which panicked me even more, because in my confused state of mind I was still convincing myself I was on something other than acid and was going to die. This is moment where I remember thinking 'I'm going to die.' I honestly thought I was either going to end up dead, or I was stuck this way for the rest of my life. H grabbed me a glass of water and they both began to comfort me as I slowly sipped the water, this made me feel a little better, but I was still utterly fucked, and worst part of the trip hadn't even happened yet.
<br>
<br>
For some reason, I felt like I needed to leave the room, I don't know what it was, I just felt trapped where I was, like the walls were caving in on me or something, I don't know. I stood up from my position and instantly felt kinda sick. I felt as if I was extremely tall and was hunched over the ceiling, looking down at the entire room from where I was stood, it was an extremely strange sensation and it made it extremely hard to find my footing and walk. I was helped through the hallway, and by this point the party was in full-swing, I could hear music blasting and everyone having a great time downstairs. 'Why didn't I just get an E?' I remember asking myself. As I sat down in the next room, the trip began to intensify further.
<br>
<br>
I literally began to forget things about myself, I remember forgetting who I was, what my mother looked like, where I lived, what the outside of the house I was in looked like, everything. I also kept seeing my face for split seconds as I looked around, and I looked terrified. I was terrified, I thought I was stuck the way I was forever, or going to die, and I couldn't remember anything at all, I could barely remember who my friends even were. And to be honest, I didn't even know what a friend was. I remember C telling me, 'It's just the acid, it's just the acid' as I was panicking and I was processing what he was saying, but I didn't know what it meant. I tried to remember what acid was, and I knew it was a drug, but I didn't know what a drug was. It was so strange, my brain was still making links between words, (eg, acid - drug, cat - animal) but it was like the words had no meaning. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">my brain was still making links between words, (eg, acid - drug, cat - animal) but it was like the words had no meaning.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
While all this was going on B was downstairs on his own, he was having the same trip as me but he had nobody to help him through it as H and C weren't allowing the countless people that were trying to check on my well-being into the room. That included B, they didn't know he was having a bad trip, and the first few times he tried to come into the room, he wouldn't tell them, either. Eventually though, I heard his voice say 'I'm feeling like J's feeling!' and instantly linked it to his face, I don't know, it was weird. It was as if I was connected to him in some way because we were both on acid. 'Let him in, let him in!' I remember saying, H and C obviously obliged and allowed him to come into the room. He was shaking, like I was and he instantly lead on the bed, sweating and breathing shakily just like myself.
<br>
<br>
I remained in the room in my terrified state for the next few hours, other than when I occasionally said I wanted to go outside because I was feeling really trapped, but then realised it was no better than being inside and that I felt more secure indoors anyway. Eventually, I remember zoning out on my friends bed, and I began to come around a bit. Loads of people were constantly coming into the room to make sure I was alright, and it was making me feel alot better to know people knew about my trip and they actually cared. A large portion of them caring was probably due to the fact that 90% of them were on E at the time, but nonetheless, it still made me feel good.
<br>
<br>
One of my friends were in the room speaking to another of my friends, and I remember slowly beginning to understand what he was saying. I remember him mentioning facebook, and I instantly recognised what facebook was. I then told my friend to keep talking about normal shit, and he did, it all came slowly flooding back to me, I was able to register what he was saying, and could give him a well structured and understandable reply. The sense of relief that blew over me at that point was almost undescribable, it was as if I'd been put on trial for murder and I'd been proven not guilty. Because I was still under the influence of the acid, it literally felt as if a huge weight had just been lifted off my shoulders. My friend who I mentioned earlier, H, went to the shops and bought me my favourite drink, and I sat on the end of the bed listening to people speak as I sipped.
<br>
<br>
Many people say they have meaningful experiences on acid, and I can honestly say this was a meaningful experience. I felt as if I'd been in some dreadful accident, and had lost the ability to do anything, and as people were helping me, it made me feel as if they were somehow bringing me 'back to life' like I'd been reborn anew. I can't really describe it, nonetheless, it felt kind of spiritual, and I don't normally follow any of that stuff.
<br>
<br>
The rest of the night, I felt really good, simply because I wasn't having a bad trip anymore. B came around at around the same time as me, for those of you who are wondering. The rest of the night was kind of a blur. I just remember walking around being really happy because I was back to 'normal' well as normal as you can be when you're tripping on acid. The fact was, I wasn't terrified, I didn't think I was going to die anymore, and I could walk around and do normal shit again. I even ended up taking an E that night, I didn't really feel it however, I just had some minor jaw clenching. The acid was overpowering the E, as I only really wanted to take a half due to the nights events.
<br>
<br>
Later on in the night, however, I smoked some weed, I must have had around 4 joints. And let me tell you, it was NOT a good idea. I began to feel trapped again, and the floor began to look tilted and strange. Everything began to look really trippy again, nobody's face was morphing or anything like that, but nothing looked normal, and my sense of perception was beginning to die out again. Despite the fact I wasn't forgetting anything and I could still do normal stuff, I still began to freak out a little. Just the visuals alone were enough to remind me of the trip I'd had not even 4 hours before. B smoked some weed too, and he felt the same way as I did.
<br>
<br>
This time, there was nobody around to help us, it was around 6 AM at this point, and nobody was really awake. So me and B decided to take a walk to help clear our heads, it helped, to some extent. But the thought of going inside was still horrible, and we felt as if we were walking on a treadmill the whole time. Every time we looped around our area and got back to the house, we both decided to keep walking - we must have walked past the same group of people at least 4 times. Eventually, we decided to go inside.
<br>
<br>
I went upstairs with my girlfriend, and B was left alone downstairs. We were both still tripping out. I tried to lay down in bed, but it was horrible, the room looked even more titled and I couldn't concentrate on trying to sleep because my mind was still racing. I hung my head out the window for a best part of an hour, as I didn't feel as-trapped with my head outside the window. I simply stared around whilst B was below me in the back garden chain smoking cigarettes. I didn't even have to say anything to him, I knew exactly why he was still outside at 7AM and how he was feeling.
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<br>
Eventually, I managed to get to sleep. I slept from about 8AM to 6PM, and walked home. I had some minor comedown effects, but my guess is that the MDMA contributed greatly towards that. I just kinda felt strange on the way home. But I was still on a really good vibe because of how grateful I was to have escaped that trip and be totally back to normal again.
<br>
<br>
That is all. I'd like to apologise for not having many references to time in this report, it's simply because I honestly had no idea what time it was pretty much the entire night. I didn't have my phone on me, and the first time I looked at the clock and was able to process what it said was around 5AM. The bad trip all in all lasted about 3 - 4 hours. But it felt like much, much longer. It felt like an eternity.
<br>
<br>
This experience took place 4 months ago, and I haven't touched acid since. To be honest, I don't know if I ever will. If I did, I'd do it in a controlled environment this time, not a house party. And I'd definitely only take half a tab. As you may be able to tell, I'm not a very experienced psychedelic user, I normally stick to things like MDMA or weed - for this exact reason.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109635</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 13, 2016</td><td>Views: 3,213</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109635&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109635&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Large Group (10+) (19)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Changa</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Changa</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Changa</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">75 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Yesterday was Australia day and quite warm so the day was spent indoors socialising at friends beachfront house before heading to the beach in the arvo to play cricket, frisbee and watch a storm roll in over the ocean. A few drinks and a joint or 2 were passed around but nothing excessive.
<br>
<br>
After dark a couple were giving me a lift home and continuing onto a party so I offered, and they accepted, a half tab of acid each, I wasnt planning on it but decided to drop a half myself with them. They continued on to the party and I walked to the local bar for drinks and chats with friends.
<br>
<br>
The blotter acid was bought from a solar eclipse festival along with a vial holding about 45 drops of liquid LSD, and after a friend found a packet of crystal meth some poor person lost, we traded it for 10 hits of changa. The blotter was purchased from a knowledgeable fellow from San Francisco and was a nice clean 8 hour buzz, nothing too much, just a bit of fun when I take half.
<br>
<br>
And so I was having a nice night playing pool and loving the music from the guitarist.
<br>
<br>
About 3 hours into it the bar shut and I walked home to have a few cones of some local grown weed and watch Pink Floyd at earls court. All the usual symptoms were there, like when I snapped out of it and had to ask myself why I was running through the paddock chasing wallabies, and a few visuals but nothing full on. All pretty standard stuff.
<br>
<br>
After I got settled on my comfy couch with Floyd playing through the surround, I proceeded to chop up a bowl of weed. As I was finishing chopping I also proceeded to spill bong water into the bowl putting a real dent in my australia day festivities. Remembering the changa and the great hit it gave when I was straight I didnt waste time packing a cone so I could try it on acid, what followed blew my fucking mind!
<br>
<br>
I timed it well so pink floyd were going into a riff when I slowly sucked up the very strange tasting smoke, I leant forward to place the bong down and sat back and slowly exhaled. I was still exhaling when the smoke turned to billions of glistening crystals, the rush was intense, the lightshow from pink floyd made it perfect because without that focus it may have been overwhelming and trending towards scary. As it was, the colours through the smoke and in a darkened room just took me in, I felt as if I were in the ocean and a wave washed me gently forward into the screen. The flat screen now looked super 3D with so much depth and brilliance and music never sounded more angelic than right then. This all happened in 40 seconds or so, then the gentle wave that washed me into the screen came roaring out a blasted me full on fully tripling in intensity. I sat there in awe as the colours flowed out of the screen over the ceiling walls and floors and my darkened room was now like a neon tunnel with different lights streaming around me. Then it kicked up a gear.
<br>
<br>
I realised I was looking at my body tripping from a weird viewpoint <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I realised I was looking at my body tripping from a weird viewpoint</div></div>, my body was there and 'I' was here, maybe I had taken too much and was going to die, I didnt care, after this trip I no longer worry because it was such a feeling of perfection to be laid bare, totally stripped of my ego and body. I trip so I can get a connection with that other side, the real me, you know poke a few holes in the barrier between my higher self and reality, last night I tore it open and stuck my head in for a good look about.
<br>
<br>
I was shown something akin to a thick rope, made of lots of threads, these threads touched the threads around them but not the ones on the otherside, though they were all part of the 'rope'. I understood each thread to be a soul through its lifetimes, and the other threads near it were other people who keep showing up in my lifetimes in various guises. I saw my friend, who lives on the other side of the planet and whom I rarely talk to but we have always had a connection, I seen her face and I KNEW we have known each other before and will again on the next time round. It was very comforting and I feel a bit naughty, like I have overheard a secret I shouldnt know about and I have an inkling about other people whom I may also touch threads with.
<br>
<br>
Changa on acid was a AAA+++ experience that I will still be raving about when I'm in a wheelchair, I've done mushies in Canada, Amsterdam and Thailand, I've done dozens of trips at raves and eclipses and got high on almost anything I find but this was heads and shoulders above everything else. I had 2 more cones later to finish it off and try and get back to that wonderful place and even though the were big trips in their own, they paled in comparison to the first hit. Each hit lasted maybe 7 minutes full on with another 10 minutes of coming back to earth, the initial rush overwhelmed my senses and projected me into a place where I had spent a lot of time thinking previously, reincarnation and life lessons, and left me feeling so grateful, a burden has been lifted from my shoulders.
<br>
<br>
When I purchased the Changa I had 2 tentative cone fulls at the eclipse festival in the afternoon with a few friends and rave music in the background, the effects were nowhere near as intense as this last trip but still very much enjoyable, and more of an 'outer' experience like seeing fractal patterns floating and moving in the air in response to the gentle breeze and the music pushing them around.
<br>
<br>
Overall it was an amazing experience that I will be actively seeking to replicate with higher doses of both the Changa and Acid, I cant imagine it would be as good with a tobacco or marijuana mixture, or smoked through a joint unless I didnt want the total psychoactive effects.
<br>
<br>
An afterthought that has stuck with me; all the thoughts of past incarnations lead me to believe there will indeed be more lives to come, but what if we ruin the home we incarnate on, will those souls not evolved in time stay in limbo incomplete? That is a scary thought.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 99100</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 35</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 16, 2017</td><td>Views: 5,573</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=99100&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=99100&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Changa (816), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">vaporized</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(extract)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I sat in my room alone with the door closed, hiding, the floor untouchable due to clothes and drawing paper. I heard a large group of my friends down the hallway, laughing, using words I couldn't understand. I repeated something my roommate said to myself, trying to decipher it phonetically. I may have understood it at the time but I've lost it since then. They seemed so happy, watching videos on the TV. I wanted to join them. I was trapped in my room with fear of showing myself in this state of madness.
<br>
<br>
I had two large sheets of water color paper that I had drawn on. I began with one fine pen, in my right hand, but the angles weren't right, I could not make the shapes I wanted outside of the comfortable axis of my right elbow, and I felt guilty. I began drawing a shape that I enjoyed, the shape of a woman's body. The hourglass shape would not become what I wanted and so I rounded the edges, finding the endless motion of the figure eight impossible to pull myself from. I realized that I needed to use my other hand, so I picked up a thick marker with it. It was awkward, and the guilt of my neglect overwhelmed me. At this point I had been talking to myself in frustration, sure of my sanity having been 'crooked'. I attempted to calm myself my writing, 'I am in a drug frenzy, I'm going crazy'.
<br>
<br>
I became aware of the left side of my face being unsynched with the right, and I was unable to focus with both of my eyes on the same spot. I began to draw with both hands, feeling a distinct separation between the two thought processes and visual comprehensions. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I began to draw with both hands, feeling a distinct separation between the two thought processes and visual comprehensions.</div></div> Anxiety had been with me since the beginning of the trip, but it manifested itself in my left side. As I drew and attempted to link the two hands, I became aware of my search for a whole and single entity. The infinity symbol, or figure eight, was a perfect visual representation of that, and I became stuck in a repetitive thought process of trying to reach the core of this one whole.
<br>
<br>
I felt a cold emptiness in the idea of meaning, and the lack of it in life. I realized that my left hand and side were inferior to my right, and I became aware of two comprehensive intakes within myself. The left side of myself was weak and fearful. Less skilled and afraid of making trouble or creating any disturbance, it was like a small animal. The right was strong and sharp. Skillful and confident, it was cunning and malevolent. They began speaking to each other, both of them through me although the common I was aware of their presence.
<br>
<br>
The right side encompassed eighty percent of my sentient being, and was condescending to the left side, though curious of its weakness in a childlike manner. They best communicated when both my hands were simultaneously drawing. After some listening to these characters I attempted to coax them together, to work as one, explaining without words that in order to function in the regular world there can only be one in one body. Or to at least try. Slowly they agreed and became as one as possible at the moment.
<br>
<br>
Earlier in the night I had attempted to leave my room to be with the group of my friends in my living room, along with my other two roommates, one of which was tripping with me. I sat next to my friend Rob and tried to say something but I could not understand the language being spoken around me. I tried to collect myself in silence, but the room's attention turned toward me and began to laugh nervously at me. Rob pointed me out, I was in a trance and I felt as if my left eye was cocked unnaturally. I felt a nauseous pain of embarrassment and stood up as nonchalant as possible and returned to my room. I thought I may have pissed myself and removed my pants to check.
<br>
<br>
The physical sickness of this embarrassment was unrelenting. I felt my bowels painfully and I could hear a set of sentences and words that somehow correlated with this feeling of embarrassment. The feeling of embarrassment, the strange words and sentences of chastising I was hearing within myself (some of which relating to my mother somehow), and the distinct emotional response to having pissed or shit in public were all synchronous. I could not tell if I had pissed myself or not, but I decided to take a shower regardless.
<br>
<br>
When I returned to my room I sat in my bed and attempted to make sense of the previous experience, and became hopeless as I realized I was mentally challenged. I tried to scan my recent memory for proof that the life I live would not line-up with the notion, but I only created validations such as the fact that I work with a mentally handicapped girl and it would only make sense that management would have more than one employed, and it was me. Also the frustration that the people around me had been having to deal with my handicap, unawares to me.
<br>
<br>
I was confused with my boyfriend and how he could be with me, or if he and my best friend were simply corrupted college boys who were my friends only as a malicious joke.
<br>
<br>
I was later pulled from my dark hole by my friend Clay, who talked to me and helped me realize I was still on a powerful drug, and not just mad.
<br>
I kept talking, the words like anxious paste in my mouth.
<br>
<br>
[Reported Dose: '4 dabs hits and 2 tabs of acid']
<br>
<br>
<!-- erodrops01 --><!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 104382</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 18, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,377</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=104382&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=104382&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">50 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
A Lovely First Time LSD &amp; Marihuana
<br>
<br>
On a warm day in summer, I took 1 blotter which contained 125ug of LSD, together with my boyfriend, around 1 pm. We planned the trip for a while, because it would be the first time for the both of us. I felt very excited, but also nervous. We were well prepared, we had fruit and water, and turned our phones silent. To be clear, I smoked the marihuana only after tripping for around 5 hours on the LSD.
<br>
<br>
Pt. 1 - Only LSD
<br>
<br>
While waiting for the LSD to come up, we played a game called DeadCore, which is a sci-fi, fps, puzzle game. After 30 minutes I started to get laughing urges. We moved to the upstairs place where we have our bed. It is the roof of the house so the walls are angled. You cannot stand there, only sit. I started seeing more patterns and after 1.5 hours I was completely tripping. Objects seemed to breathe. I saw waves in my vision wherever I looked. The place was dim-lit and my boyfriend his face looked almost black. In his dark face I saw lines that formed little cubes in rainbow colors.
<br>
<br>
I tried to connect to him spiritually, by looking between his eyebrows (third eye). His face kept changing patterns, like it was an extremely real mask that just morphed into another mask. His nose changed into a stairs to a different world. I went into his head/that world through those stairs. We felt extremely connected.
<br>
<br>
Because of our strong sense of connectedness, we wanted to be closer to each other. We were very intimate during the whole trip. We did not wear clothes, and we specifically felt primitive and connected to the people that walked the earth long, long ago. We did not feel a connection to the modern world. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">We did not feel a connection to the modern world.</div></div> The candle that was on made this feeling of primitive even stronger. The fire lit the place in such a way that we had the strong sensation of being in a cave, which was our home, with a fire burning beside us.
<br>
<br>
A few hours later we decided to go outside. We suddenly realised that we had to wear clothes, it took some time to find them and put them on. He packed a backpack with mandarins, bananas and water. It felt like we were going on a big adventure. In front of the house is one main street, it was slightly scary to pass. The outside world slapped me with beauty. The nature and elements, like the sunlight and the wind, were especially intense. We walked through a tree covered area, when suddenly I saw a man standing in the grass, the sunlight shone on him. To me he seemed like an old Asian grandfather, that must have been standing there for centuries. It felt timeless. We ate our fruit looking out over a little pond that was surrounded by trees, being amazed by the texture of the peel of mandarins. I realized then, that mandarin peels are not dimpled, but covered with tiny bubbles. It is hard to see, you really have to look closely.
<br>
<br>
Pt. 2 - Weed comes in
<br>
<br>
Note: I have a history with sensitivity to marihuana. I had some sort of epileptic-like attacks while smoking too much weed and therefore usually am very careful with it.
<br>
<br>
When we got back, the trip wore off, I thought. I suggested we smoke a joint and we did. This was not the best decision. I almost instantly got sucked back into the trip, but with heavy influences of weed. I experienced everything as extremely heavy. My boyfriend was laying on top of me. He felt so heavy on me, that it felt as if we merged. I couldn't handle it and I pushed him off me. That was a horrible experience. It felt as if he was torn off me. I could see our skin detaching in waves. It was physically and mentally painful. This happened with everything that I touched. He placed his head on my belly, it felt as if it merged into my belly, as if there was nothing inside. At times I felt as if a blanket filled with tiny iron balls was laid over me.
<br>
<br>
Luckily I had the mindset of accepting whatever would happen in the trip and so I did. I was on the edge of going bad with the weed, but this acceptance really helped me. I could even enjoy it to a certain extent. Around 9pm the drugs wore off.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109573</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 10, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,221</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109573&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109573&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Combinations (3), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">62 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
<!--IDODC-->This is a report of two different trips I had within the past month and a half which have catapulted my spiritual journey. But first, a bit of history about my psychedelic use and spiritual interest.
<br>
<br>
I have tried real LSD 4 times in total with the first being at the age of 17 and being quite irrelevant or uneventful. My interest increased though and weeks after this first experience I was ready to try it again. My friend got some from a guy he met once and being naive little kids we didn't think twice about it. I also thought that because I took 1 tab the first time I would be OK taking 2.5 tabs the second time... Long story short it was NOT LSD and I ended up blacking out for about 6 hours, destroying things in my friend's house which resulted in my friends calling an ambulance on me and I woke up hours later in a hospital bed, still seeing violent hallucinations. This experience scarred me and swore me off psychedelics for a long time.
<br>
<br>
So it was about 4 years later I decided I would try it again, this time testing my substance before use and only taking 1 tab as a precaution. This trip also was uneventful, but made me see that real LSD has potential mental benefits if taken the right way. In the city I live in LSD is quite popular as a recreational drug so it isn't so hard to find but I have never wanted to take them recreationally since my horrific experience, as I think that is using them for the wrong purpose. They are very powerful tools that can be used for personal growth and should be shown the utmost respect.
<br>
<br>
I have always been a person interested with spirituality, consciousness and the unknown. I read books about it, watch plenty of YouTube videos and *attempt* to talk to my friends about it, most of whom shrug it off as nonsense. It's hard to put my finger on why I have an interest in these things, as I grew up in a pretty spiritually devoid household, but nonetheless it's always given me something to think about. I have travelled through parts of Asia, learning about Buddhism, meditation etc.
<br>
<br>
So now onto the first trip:
<br>
<br>
I told no one about this trip, except one friend who I trusted completely. He has never tried psychedelics but we have had deep conversations about life on many occasions and one of the things I like most about him is that he never judges people, especially his friends, and I knew that's the kind of presence I wanted while I was tripping. So I asked if he would tripsit me while I tried a higher dose, in my own house with no other distractions, and he agreed. We'll call him J from now on.
<br>
<br>
The tabs I got I was told they were 125ug each so I decided to take 1.5 total after testing them to make sure it was real LSD. So J stayed at my house the night before, since we planned to get up early to make the most of the day. We walked down to the beach and it was a beautiful morning. I dropped the tabs at about 7:20am and we went walking around the cliffs near the beach while I was coming up. I started to feel it at about 8:00 and we decided to sit on the cliffs and watch the ocean as I started to feel it more and more. I felt uneasy and couldn't appreciate my surroundings so I asked J to take us home. We started to walk and I was feeling very sick and couldn't walk properly. I had to stop and throw up, despite not eating anything that morning, but it felt cleansing and gave me the confidence to continue on. It was about a 20 minute walk back to my house and I was feeling self-conscious about being in public in this state. It was probably about 9:00 when we got home and we got some music playing which was really starting to induce the peak of the trip. First off we played some tame impala, which was bringing on some huge waves of euphoria, then on to childish gambino (awaken my love, holy shit!!) which induced my first real spiritual, life-changing experience.
<br>
<br>
Every word he was saying was telling me a story about the nature of the universe, the collective consciousness and how every being on this Earth is connected. It was as if I was being given a code to decipher and once I did I would be blessed with neverending abundance. I was trying to decipher the code while trying to explain to J what was happening in my head. Then I realised that this moment was what my whole life had been leading up to and my current task was just to go into my mind and replace the negative with the positive, which is what I started to do. We continued to play music and although J was completely confused as to what was happening, he knew that it was positive and all he had to do was keep playing good music. I started to think about the unity of every being on Earth and how there are people who already know about this and are working towards making more people aware and raising the vibrational frequency of the Earth. I knew that I would have to do something with my life that would contribute to this.
<br>
<br>
I also learned a lesson about good and bad. Everything in life needs to be in balance, which means that there has to be bad to make the good worth it. The way I learned this felt like torture. Because we were playing music from YouTube, there would be ads after every song, and I would absolutely flip out when I heard these ads. I felt like they were burying themself into my subconscious without me giving them permission. But after they were skipped the good would come and I would feel euphoria again. On a side note I now can't watch any advertisements as it reminds me that I am just feeding garbage into my mind, which is actually a good thing that I realised this.
<br>
<br>
I hadn't really had any intense visual hallucinations during this trip, it was almost all just the mental aspects and I was OK with this. But there was one point where J said he was going to go to the shops and I was left alone, so I played tame impala again, and the song 'Let it happen' was playing while I as laying on the floor staring at the ceiling. This was the first and most intense visual hallucination I've ever had. While the song was playing I could see the ceiling and walls of the room starting to open up like a box and behind it I could see the fabric of the universe and some giant, stick-man like figures using machinery in the background, as if these were the beings that were keeping the world going behind the scenes. I thought I was going to take off into space the more let go (let it happen). But just as I thought I was going to take off, J returned into the room and I was snapped back into reality. After this I started to come down and unfortunately these epiphanies were starting to leave me. The rest of the day I was quite down for some reason, despite most of the trip being very positive. The month following this trip was really interesting, as I realised how many lessons I learnt from the experience, but they were only slowly coming to me, which also reinforces my theory of not taking psychedelics too often as you need time to integrate what you've learned into your daily life.
<br>
<br>
OK! Now the second trip:
<br>
<br>
This trip was incredibly important to my spiritual growth, though not as powerful as the first trip. So I decided I would take 1 tab, alone, in my room as I thought I could handle this. I had read a lot of reports prior to both these trips and there was one in particular I read which really interested me. It was about the combination of LSD and Yoga to relieve emotional stress. So after my first trip I started doing Yoga daily, with almost no experience of it prior. It was about a month in between both trips, with a lot more Yoga experience under my belt. So I set up my room, closing my blinds, lighting a candle, yoga mat ready, music ready, notebook ready. I was attempting to make this as ritualistic as possible and showing the substance respect and trust. I wrote down on paper what I wanted to learn. I wanted to relieve emotional tension built up in my body. So I sat there, meditating for the first half an hour or so, as the effects started to come on. I then layed on my bed for a bit listening to music, and once I felt I was peaking I moved back to the Yoga mat.
<br>
<br>
I attempted my usual routine, finding it a lot harder than usual. I remembered about the report I read and tried to recreate this. It was successful to a very minor degree, but I kept having the feeling that I was trying to copy someones success and that it would be different for me. So I kept trying for hours, just sitting in my room, meditating, doing yoga and listening to music. It was not very successful so once I felt I had come down enough I decided to go for a walk. I walked around the beach but felt like people were looking at me funny (maybe they weren't) so I just came home again, accepting defeat. I had a shower and teared up quite heavily, letting out a lot of emotion. I felt like this was one of the lowest moments in my life. Then I went back into my room and decided I'd watch some YouTube videos.
<br>
<br>
That's when it hit me again. I clicked on the first video I saw, almost automatically. It was a video by the channel Infinite Waters, a guy who talks about positivity, spirituality, and the unity of the universe (sound familiar?). Suddenly the epiphany that I had on the first trip came flooding back into my mind and my mind was blown. It felt like this moment was destined to happen and this was where I needed to be right then and there. I felt like the guy in the video was talking to me directly through the screen. I started to scan the internet for the next 2 hours or so confirming everything I had learned in my epiphany. My life made sense again for only the 2nd time ever. And the most exciting part of this experience was that I was a lot more sober than the first time I had this feeling. The first one was so powerful that once I came down I had basically forgotten it all. But this time was different, I was much more sober and could fully grasp the concept in 2 minds, the fading LSD mind and my regular sober mind. It has been about a week since this second trip and I haven't forgotten anything. My life has been insanely different since just 1 week ago, and I am exploring more spiritual practices every single day.
<br>
<br>
Now the reason I've titled this 'Getting the spiritual ball rolling' is because I believe these were the exact experiences I needed to begin my spiritual journey. I believe it's possible to achieve this state without drugs, but it takes a lot of work, time and practice. I feel like my life has changed course solely because of these 2 experiences, and although I plan to take psychedelics again in the future, there is no rush and I want to be able to generate this amount of energy and positivity sober eventually.
<br>
<br>
I plan to travel to India, Nepal and Tibet in the next months to learn about true meditation and spirituality, and to try and improve the world we all live in, as best as I can. I believe now that spirituality is the answer to the problems the world faces right now, but it takes a lot of effort and practice, and a lot of people don't see any benefits in it. Psychedelics are a catalyst in improving this world. They MUST be legalised, for research purposes so we can start healing this broken planet we call home, one individual at a time.
<br>
<br>
Thanks for reading,
<br>
<br>
Peace!<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110244</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 19, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,560</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110244&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110244&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Yoga / Bodywork (202) : Alone (16), Personal Preparation (45), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:40</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">70 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Ephenidine</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:40</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">25 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cc/">2C-C</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
T0:00-Administered 3 tabs of LSD and took a shower.
<br>
<br>
T0:30-Exit shower, feel immaculate and clean, purified and comfortable. I walk into my cozy room, lit up by the afternoon sun, the beams of light manifest in the smoky atmosphere from the incense I burnt. A blunt I rolled beforehand awaits me on my desk.
<br>
<br>
T0:40-Slowly builds. Based on my history with acid (usually I would take 3 and it would be very manageable and malleable), I figured this would be a light experience that I would accent with other substances, a sort of background trip to be built upon. A friend comes over and doses. He and my roommate and I are relaxing in my room, I decide to light up that blunt.
<br>
<br>
T0:50-Holy shit that blunt. My roommate and friend are hanging out talking. I eventually go silent and lie back on my bed. I am rising so heavily I cannot really communicate at all. I close my eyes and am greeted by an explosive well of fractals and blooming forms. It beckons me, but I cannot dive in while sharing the space with others, that would make me feel vulnerable and reckless. But this is getting out of hand. Auditory hallucinations begin to chew their voices apart and I can feel the gentle breeze at the edge of a raging storm of thought loops and ego death. The breeze carries a flurry of open eyed visuals, patterns and fractals relentlessly playing themselves on my field of vision. This is going to be big. Something is going to happen. I feel very small as the room stretches away from me, obliterating all depth perception, perspective and sense of scale. I can’t do this anymore. I manage to piece together the words and kindly ask them to leave me alone for a bit. Both of them are very experienced with psychedelics/familiar with my penchant for doing them alone, so they politely comply and go downstairs to watch a movie.
<br>
<br>
T1:10-It seems another instance of no accurate timestamps for like an hour and a half, as time is violently dismantled. Alone at last, I let the storm wash over me. I lie down on my bed and close my eyes and bam-Imagine a frail house getting blasted by the winds of a hurricane, wood and debris flying off, until at last the rotting beams snap and the entire structure gets flattened, mowed over by the wrath of air being flung about. That was me, I was flattened and mowed over by a psychedelic gale. The wind comes in chunks, each one resonating and vibrating my bones and essence as it strikes me. Each strike, I come apart more and more, I vibrate at higher frequencies until my being is shredded, split, utterly dismantled and mangled. I love acid because I usually feel in control, I am euphoric and I feel enhanced by psychedelic magic. This time however, I am at the mercy of this amorphous storm.
<br>
I begin to realize what I’ve gotten myself into. The original plan was to take acid, then 2C-C, and then chill out on the couch with my friends. That wasn’t going to happen, that wasn’t going to happen for a while. I could barely stand up. My entire field of vision more or less melted and warped, it was familiar and undistinguishable. My short term memory began to short out as time got utterly abstracted.
<br>
<br>
I tried to throw on some calming music. Ho boy. This is where things got really freaky. The sounds of familiar sounds had become alien and unrecognizable. It was like the sounds were dissected, every layer was split apart and run through a tangle of distortion. Soon things began to get creepy. The songs would begin to slow down and speed up, seemingly randomly, with the accompanying drop/rise in pitch. This was it, this was my reality breaking apart, I was truly sensing a rift in reality stronger than any I had ever done. I feel like I broke everything. I felt like this was the big one, this was the trip that would end in severe consequences due to its sheer power. The world as I knew it cracked open, and there was doubt in my mind as to whether it would ever come back. But whatever, just ride it out. I felt like I had damaged reality.
<br>
<br>
I put on very minimalist calming slow ambient music, it helped a bit (how I managed to operate my computer is beyond me). This great sense of dread and foreboding overcame me. It was the sort of fear when you are exploring an abandoned building, and a chill runs down your spine, when you hear a sound in the distance when you think you are alone. I felt like I had hacked into reality, split it open to reveal the inner workings and the mechanisms that drive it. I suppose I could make this analogous somehow to some scientific definition of “dimensions”, just iterations of space packaged within each other, each one influenced by the one it was within. Okay, I don’t know if that’s actually how dimensions are defined, but with my limited knowledge on the subject that’s the impression I have.
<br>
<br>
fear however, came from the fact that something did not want me doing that. This something was not even a “thing” it was beyond our definitions, it was an essence of darkness and malice that could not even exist in our world, for it was beyond existence. Perhaps it was not malicious, but merely protective. However it felt, it did not want me here at all. I felt like punishment was incoming, that some strange interdimensional police would come and trap me in some asphodelic eternity.
<br>
<br>
If I could give a sensory aspect to this, the visual space of this shattered reality was onion shaped and bulging pulsing forms, vibrating with the overwhelming psychedelic wind in a gelatinous aether. It was here that I realized how much of a role acid played in my “dextroverse” (LSD+DXM+DPH+some tryptamine) experiences, which I had in the past mostly attributed to the DXM. The sounds were… okay imagine a drumbeat, a deep bass that reverberated with a wicked splash, getting warped repeatedly, its edges softening each time, its tone dropping each time. This beat was the sound of me being chewed apart by the acid, it was the steady sound of reality methodically breaking apart. I cannot place why, but this was so fundamentally disturbing, the sensory aspect of this has given me a newfound respect and deep deep fear of the dark and undisturbed depths of LSD.
<br>
<br>
I could pull myself out briefly. In one instance the concentric rainbows on my computer screen warped into spider like creatures. In another I picked up pen and paper and began to draw. It anchored me and kept me from accidentally falling into the forbidden space I had been delving into. I felt like I was being exposed to so much information, that this rift was leaking forbidden knowledge into my head. I could not write this, but at the time I felt like drawing it was a way of encoding and recording it. Of course the drawing failed to convey any of this information once I was in a sober state. Other times of brief lucidity, I wanted to take a benzo, I wanted to tap out and hit the eject button. Oddly enough, I was enjoying this deep disturbance, it was like a horror movie, but I had pals over and wasn’t prepared for /in the mood for a trip this intense. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had pals over and wasn’t prepared for /in the mood for a trip this intense.</div></div> If I had planned for this, this could probably have gone much deeper, but I had to restrain my brain.
<br>
<br>
T2:25-Okay. Okay, the storm is passing, the winds are slowing. I am still tripping extremely hard, but at last the great well of forbidden knowledge was closed to me, and I was no longer at risk of a true crisis of my reality. I decided to go downstairs. My friends were watching Animatrix. I sat and watched with them, saying nothing as I tried to gently ride and navigate the comedown. The matrix… oh boy what a wrong thing to watch after my experience. The concept of something operating under our reality that did not want to be found out… it was truly hammered home. It was kinda scary, but I was out of the woods now, so it wasn’t too bad. Very intense to witness though.
<br>
<br>
T3:10-The movie ends. We put on another one, an anime movie called ninja scroll. Some attempts at conversation are made but I am too jarred to maintain them. Ninja scroll is fucking sweet, just beautiful animation, cool action and strange characters with cool powers. It plays out like a videogame, just a dude fighting a series of powerful foes. But it was so cool and well animated. I noticed I wasn’t viewing it super analytically like I typically do with media while on/coming down from acid.
<br>
<br>
T3:40-Another friend comes over. I am still jarred and tripping hard, but I feel highly functional compared to how I was before. We hang out and draw stuff for a while. Lots of kush gets smoked. We go back to my room and hang out there, drawing etc. It’s fun, I begin to articulate my experience to my friends and we have nice conversation. My friend who was coming down from his trip decided to try deschloroketamine, so I shared a dose. I personally popped a cap of 70 mg ephenidine. I was in a more comfortable and better state now, so I figured why not, ephenidine was never too taxing on reality and very manageable. 70 mg is a pretty low dose anyways. We hang out more and talk more about all sorts of things, I feel a bit of numbness as I come up.
<br>
<br>
T5:40-The ephenidine begins to peak as numbness and dizziness, the typical “dissociative walk” and a sort of brightening of visuals. Very mild. My friends go downstairs to play videogames. I tell them I’ll join them in a bit, because I wanna ramp things up. I decide to try insufflating 2C-C. I am aware that I don’t wanna go back too far again, so I cut out 25 mg and put it in a line. The powder is fluffy and does not need to be crushed. I am kinda scared because it’s a large volume of powder. I get something to bite down on. The horrific pain of snorting 2C’s barrels in full force, the feeling of snorting glass or getting shot in the face with an arrow. I am in so much pain. I am immobilized. After about 5 minutes I go downstairs, I am still in immense pain but I feel like I can interact with people at least. The pain persists for about another 20 minutes, longer than my experiences with 2C-B, though this might be because of the volume of powder. The drip is another sort of hell, making me feel as though I have a horrendous sore throat, with awful bitter flavor.
<br>
<br>
T6:00-I am okay now. This is sweet. I am couchlocked and it's so pleasant, I am buzzing and oozing waves of euphoria, everything is so colorful and bright patterns appear on everything. I love it, this is the desired effect, this is great. I am lucid and clearheaded and can interact with people perfectly. This is not exploration, simply augmentation of my reality. I enjoy it a lot.
<br>
<br>
T8:00-People have left mostly. I am feeling pretty altered still and go to 7/11 with my friends. The night feels like a magical adventure, a colorful expedition with childlike wonder. The ephenidine adds momentum to every step, the 2C-C buries the world in colors. I am so eloquent and articulate, I feel like my mind and intelligence have been enhanced tenfold. I can piece together ideas perfectly, I can form insightful associations and respond quickly and efficiently. This is great, I take advantage of this to talk about all sortsa stuff with my roommates. We get home and play super smash bros. and I am a lot better at it than when in any state. This is a perfect combination of states and substances, I have truly augmented myself as a human.
<br>
<br>
T9:00-Everyone else has gone to bed. I shower and think about how cool this feels. I decide to try and take advantage of this state and meditate on all sorts of things. It seems this intelligence only works when one is not aware of it however, it is odd like manual breathing. It will only provide me with insight and eloquence if I let it flow naturally, if I let it naturally weasel its way into my thoughts and experiences. I get out of the shower and excitedly write <!--this piece--> before going to bed, feeling cleansed and mentally satiated.
<br>
<br>
Conclusion-
<br>
<br>
Wowee. This was the most intense LSD experience I have ever had, if not one of the most intense drug experiences I have ever had. It would’ve definitely been that if I let myself sink into it, if I had not restrained myself for the purpose of being social. But even with restraint, this trip was bursting at the seams, this was intensity and revelation of unimaginable powers and realms. I have a newfound respect for LSD, if not a terrible fear of its unimaginable power and utter unnerving and disturbing strangeness. This was a violation and deconstruction of everything I knew about reality, this was ominous and foreboding, I feared I had broken into the nether, and I would end up like so many explorers, dead and gone in the depths of the unknown. It’s unnerving to think you have shattered your reality and gone to a difference plane, one you may never return from. <!--More thoughts on this are in the piece mentioned/linked in the last paragraph of the report. -->Hope I didn’t sound too narcissistic and pretentious throughout this piece. Sorry for it being so long.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108608</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 24, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,947</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108608&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108608&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Music Discussion (22), General (1), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">170 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
First Experience Smoking DMT
<br>
<br>
It was as if I was wearing a jacket made up of everything that makes me, me in the physical world. Before I could even begin to exhale the smoke there's the doorman ready to take my jacket. Any perception of time, or self had just simply slipped away. Then BAM! As if from a projector casting images across a screen, and my mind's eye was the projector. I was now looking upon myself stripped of everything that made me a part of the physical world. What happened next was undoubtedly the most profound, and astonishing experience of my life.
<br>
<br>
From this visual projection of my disembodied self came white light, and colors racing outward creating this web like network of geometric shapes, and patterns all growing from a white light. It was then that I actually realized the light, and the image of myself outside myself were the same entity. White light begins pulsing through the network, and I had begun to witness the birth of life itself sprouting up from that very network. Now I see that this white light is life, it is the life within me, and every other living being. I had been tapped directly into this network, or birthplace in which all of life originated. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had been tapped directly into this network, or birthplace in which all of life originated.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
Never once through my experience had I felt any sense of self, or body. Though as I watched and began to feel as though I understood what I was witnessing, my surroundings were made present to myself once again. I was able to see, and was totally aware of nature, and life around me. This was no longer what seemed to be projections from inside of me. First I was shown, once I had understood the meaning of these projections, I felt as if I had begun to see things for myself again, I had came outside myself in order to show myself these messages, and upon coming to somewhat of an understanding of these messages; It was then I began to truly see. First I was shown the birthplace of life, then I could see the evolution of life; All of nature, all of life sending messages, and energies to one another. Life evolves by 'communicating' through this network. Then I felt it. In complete synchronicity with my heartbeat I was being hit by vibrations I had never felt before. Communication. Life was trying to communicate to me through vibrational frequencies, and just as I had witnessed the light pulsing through the network, I felt it inside of me as well, pulsing in the same way. First I had to be shown, then I learned to see, and now; Now I can feel.
<br>
<br>
What was realistically a seven to ten minute experience changed me and the way I see all things. Everything I had ever learned, or felt, all the good the bad, every little detail of my life had been adding up to this moment. And in ten minutes, It all changed. My life's journey had never been so clear, and anything left to get in the way of me and my chosen path, was just tossed out. Imagine an entire lifetime of files, and paperwork all scattered around inside your head. Then the little magic maid known as DMT came in, and said; 'Let me clean that up for ya', It won't even take but ten minutes. My past, present, and even future had become unbelievably organized, and uploaded into a network I now have complete, and total access to.
<br>
<br>
Someone once told me; 'There's life before DMT, and there's life after DMT'. At the time, I thought I had a pretty good understanding of what they might have meant. Now. Now I understand that I had absolutely no fucking idea what they might have meant. Smoking DMT for the first time was by far the most profound, and astonishing experiences of my entire life.
<br>
<br>
Note: I really had not set out that day with the intention of smoking DMT. I was however already at a party in the woods with live music, lights, let's just say it was a very festive atmosphere. So set and setting was good, I smoked it in a Teepee with three other people. Even though I did not prepare to smoke DMT, I was in a setting that I was totally comfortable in. I had taken two hits of LSD about an hour or so before I was offered The dreams.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109541</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 27</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 26, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,884</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109541&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109541&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">DMT (18), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Entities / Beings (37), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), First Times (2)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">40 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/citalopram/">Pharms - Citalopram</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 16:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 16:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 18:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 18:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">141 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Nothing Happened
<br>
<br>
Male, 22yrs and Female 27yrs
<br>
<br>
Author: Female 27yrs
<br>
F: I have missed my daily dose of citalopram 40mg hoping this will help the LSD do its thing.
<br>
<br>
5.30pm
<br>
I decided to take some LSD one night with my partner who we'll call R, we have 2 blotter tabs each. Both of us have previously taken acid with me usually getting very little effects. Neither of us have work the next morning. We chew these and swallow. Mood is positive, we're both looking forward to tripping. Some music we both like is playing. We both start smoking some cannabis buds together.
<br>
<br>
6.15pm
<br>
I start to feel some effects of coming up, a little lightheaded, excitable, I'm hopeful that its going to work, it seems to be definately working on R who tells me 'I'm tripping hard hon, seriously' with a worried look on his face and massive pupils, he's sweating and the beginning of a tremor seems to be beginning. He says 'I'm in the lounge aren't I' and I tell him yes he is and he's going to be fine and to try and relax and enjoy it. He looks a little dazed and confused. He tells me he's going to lie down on the sofa. He does this then goes quiet for a bit. I try to get into the music and I do for a couple of songs. I'm still not really feeling much effects from the LSD apart from a feeling that I'd get perhaps if I had been smoking hash or some particularly amazing weed, not a psychedelic effect in sight really.
<br>
<br>
6.45pm
<br>
R is telling me he's not well and that he's hallucinating far too much and that he needs help. I start to panic a little and my anxiety rises which makes my heart beat a little faster and I get a terrible feeling of confusion of what the hell am I going to do about this. I go over to the sofa and tell him that he's in the lounge, hes just tripping and that I'm fine and I'll look after him. He has the look on his face of a frightened child and he tells me that he's having out of body experiences and thinks he's gone insane and that he's going to die. I ask him if i should call an ambulance, he tells me to call his mother who is a health professional. I'm feeling a state of panic and a feeling as if someone is in my brain squeezing the front of my forehead because I have a distinct feeling of pain in that area. I call the mother who tells me off and then speaks to R for awhile then R speaks to his father and is saying things such as 'if it all ends tonight dad I love you' which sends me into tears which I am trying to hold back because R keeps saying 'why are you crying' 'I'm not coming back from this am I, I've gone too far' 'I'm lost' telling me he keeps seeing people in hell screaming and that sometimes he can hear them, and sometimes see them but not simultaneously. He also tells me he is seeing demons.
<br>
<br>
7.15
<br>
Mother is on her way after R begs and pleads with her to come and help. Mother lives 45 mins away. R stays on the phone to his father who tries to comfort him. I'm feeling worry and anxiety, a lightheaded feeling, alot of confusion, a headache, some disorientation. No hallucinations. R's mother is coming to our house while we have dropped 2 tabs of acid each. This doesn't help. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">R's mother is coming to our house while we have dropped 2 tabs of acid each. This doesn't help.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
8pm
<br>
R's mother has arrived, she is comforting him, he has his arms wrapped around her and is talking like a terrified child. This is the strangest thing to see. R is normally a little macho and confident and has been reduced to a scared child. He keeps repeating that he's scared and wanting reassurance that he's not insane. Mother is crying. I am crying. He tells us that he knows we're keeping the truth from him about his sanity.
<br>
<br>
8.15
<br>
I start to feel stranger with every look over to the couch at my partner and his mother. She is trying to talk to me and I'm not really comprehending what she's saying to me very well, but enough to give her somewhat of a satisfactory answer back. I seem to have trouble with longer sentences drifting off into a mumble. I keep feeling the urge to laugh and this makes my eyes water because I'm trying not to laugh. This makes R more worked up because he tells me he can see my tears. R keeps wanting to see proof of no crying and keeps wanting to touch our cheeks to make sure we're not crying. R seems terrified and is convinced he's staying this way. I am not so convinced, I'm just waiting for him to come down so she can leave and I can go to bed as my headache has escalated by now. I suspect this is from the stress of trying to be controlled amongst all the chaos. I have had headaches most of the times I have had acid before though which I attribute to the SSRI's.
<br>
<br>
8.30
<br>
R seems to be coming down and is almost capable of a basic conversation. He is still hallucinating. Still hugely dilated pupils. Me not so much. Mother waits till he seems to be tired out and able to speak coherently again. I feel less disoriented than before but still lightheaded.
<br>
<br>
9pm
<br>
Mother leaves, R seems to be back on this planet. R is utterly convinced he almost lost his mind and will never take any A class drugs again. I feel a little irritated that I had such a bland trip but I don't show this to R. We both go to bed and have sex which is rather amazing. My sense of touch seems to be highly sensitive but an orgasm was elusive because I was just so overwhelmed by the sensations. R orgasmed without any problem.
<br>
<br>
9.45
<br>
We both fall asleep with no problem.
<br>
<br>
10am
<br>
We both wake up and discuss the night before. I decide to take another trip hoping that I can have a better one than the night before. I take two blotter tabs. I smoke some cannabis.
<br>
<br>
12pm
<br>
Nothing happening at all. I take another blotter tab. Smoke some more cannabis.
<br>
<br>
2pm
<br>
Didn't trip, had a headache the whole time pretty much.
<br>
<br>
All in all, I think a reassessment in whether LSD is for me will have to be once I am completely off the SSRI's. Because I feel that there really isn't much point in doing this as it seems to be a waste of money in my case. I know the acid was good, because with R having out of body experiences from the same dose and for me to have nothing happen shows that it must come down to the SSRI's being in my system.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 70560</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 27</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 13, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,567</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=70560&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=70560&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Families (41), Multi-Day Experience (13), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I always work at 8 o’clock on Saturday mornings at Chuck E. Cheese’s. The job has always been fun because I work in the kitchen with a lot of my friends and the managers there are amazing. I have been working there for a while and the job is basically second nature, so I thought I’d try to have a little bit of fun. One Friday night a friend of mine told me he had some LSD but didn’t want to take it anymore, so he sold it to me so I could see if I could successfully have an acid trip during work the next day. Now I am by no means a drug addict, or anything like that, but I do like to experiment with different types of drugs, especially psychedelics to explore my mind and learn more about myself and my environment.
<br>
<br>
I woke up the next morning at 6:45, just like every other Saturday morning to prepare for work. I took a shower, made breakfast, and got in my car almost forgetting the two magical pieces of paper wrapped in aluminum foil in my wallet. I put the LSD on my tongue on the way to work, knowing it wouldn’t kick in for about another half hour or so. Luckily there was another guy opening in the kitchen with me so it wouldn’t be too ridiculously busy. I took care of a few things that needed to be done before anything, like sweeping the parking lot and stocking up on all of the toppings for the day. Then came time to roll out dough. This is usually an easy task, but this was not a usual morning. The LSD had started to take effect.
<br>
<br>
The uneasiness of realizing how intense acid really is is a feeling you don’t soon forget. It’s like climbing to the top of the biggest slide at the playground, and then looking down nervously to see how high the slide actually is. I walked to the bathroom to try and cope with what was happening to my body and mind. I had to get over this feeling so I could get to work. I sat down on the sink to try and catch my breath when I started to hallucinate. The tiles on the bathroom floor danced in a very peculiar way. They moved right on beat with the thoughts racing a mile a minute in my head. Seeing this ballroom of waltzing tiles calmed me down enough to go back into the kitchen and try to get back to work.
<br>
<br>
By the time I took control of what was going on customers and more employees had started to arrive. The first order of the morning came up, and I took some pizzas off the dough rack to sauce and cheese. The color and texture of the sauce was very strange. As I looked down the line of toppings, they all seemed to turn animated, like a poor cartoon drawing. I started to laugh to myself at the sight of it all, and the more I laughed the funnier everything became. As the smell of fresh baked pizzas filled the kitchen I realized why I was feeling so uneasy; I hadn’t eaten all day. So I threw some breadsticks in the oven to have something to snack on. Just then one of my good friends who also works at Chuck E. Cheese’s came in, coincidentally she is also the girl I have been secretly in love with for about a year. We always flirt at work so I ran up to her and threw my arms around her. It felt like my arms had stretched out to wrap around her tiny body two or three times and I squeezed her tight. As I let go of her she looked at me and smiled the prettiest smile I had ever seen. She seemed to have a sort of extra glow about her today, I couldn’t put my finger on it. Whatever it was, I really liked it. The weariness of the acid had almost immediately vanished and I was comfortable again.
<br>
<br>
Then I went to the sink to wash my hands and saw a glorious light show. The water splashing about on the stainless steel sink made a rainbow of colors only seen in space. I had never seen anything so beautiful and vibrant. I had always been a sucker for pretty colors, but this rendered me utterly speechless. I ate my breadsticks with a huge grin on my face, replaying the beautiful colors along with my friend’s gorgeous smile in my head and felt a satisfaction like I had never felt before. It felt like there had been something missing, an empty part of myself that had been filled by these images and the warm breadsticks. I was extremely thirsty and decided I would go out into the dining room to get a drink and take a look around at all the kids and families laughing and playing.
<br>
<br>
The instant I opened the swinging kitchen door and saw the mess of screaming children and the personified rodent robots playing goofy songs about pizza and games I couldn’t control my laughter. It was such an embarrassing laugh that I had to immediately run back in the kitchen so nobody else would hear. When I came back into the kitchen however, the laughter immediately stopped. It seemed I had entered a different place completely. There was a mixed tape of 90’s hip-hop and great dance hits from the past decade blaring from the speakers in every corner of the kitchen. It looked like twice as many people in the kitchen then there really were, and I’m sure the music was nowhere near as loud as I remember it. But it no longer looked like the standard kitchen scene at Chuck E. Cheese’s, but rather a giant house party. Everyone was dancing around and singing, having the time of their lives.
<br>
<br>
Time was flying by, and before I knew it about four hours had passed since I had gotten to work. I was reaching the climax of the LSD experience soon, I could tell. The dishes needed to be washed and I didn’t want to have the responsibility of making or cutting pizzas at this point, so I quickly volunteered to take care of that. The stack of large pizza trays was taller than I was, so I knew I was going to be stuck at the sink for a while. I didn’t look at the clock before I started washing the dishes but I’m guessing it took me a good two hours to finish. Cleaning the sinks was the best part about doing dishes that day. I used a small squeegee to get all of the water off the sides of the sinks and again saw the beautiful display of colors only seen before by the Hubble telescope. The colors intrigued me so much I spent close to another thirty or forty minutes throwing soap and water on the sides of the sink and making invisible light patterns with a dirty rag. I’m sure everyone at work thought I was mentally insane that day, but thankfully nobody said anything.
<br>
<br>
I finally finished the dishes and realized I still hadn’t gotten a drink. I got all of my laughs out before going out in the dining room this time, and seriously prepared to witness the mayhem of Chuck E. Cheese’s on LSD. Grabbing my cup, I stumbled out in the madness. The atmosphere was more painful than I remembered. About five times as many screaming kids had arrived, each with two arguing parents. The music playing on the PA was loud and painful; I couldn’t wait to get back into the kitchen. I walked to the soda fountain staring at my feet the entire way hoping no ex-acid head from the 60’s would sense what sort of influence I was under. I quickly scurried back into the kitchen after saying hello to the girl who had been in my head all morning.
<br>
<br>
I did it! I had survived the most chaotic scene I had ever witnessed in my life. I was not prepared, however for the change of scenery in the kitchen. The music had been turned off and everyone was diligently working. Everyone was assisting everyone do everything. I had never seen so much order and perfect work structure before. It was too strange so I closed my eyes and shook my head, hoping to erase the scene like an Etch-A-Sketch. Sure enough it worked. The scene now was kind of familiar. I knew I had been a part of it before, but it was still new. Then I figured it out, I had seen this in a dream before! Not only had I dreamt it before but it was a recurring dream. And not only was it a recurring dream but it was the subconscious vision I would picture every time somebody said the word “pizza.” It was the typical “pizza place.” Everybody seemed to be on roller skates. I’m not sure if it’s because of how they were walking or because of the queer scenery I was imagining.
<br>
<br>
Before I knew, it was time to leave. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to my friend, so I searched all over for her. Finally I found her and told her all of the strange things I had witnessed throughout the day. She still had that beautiful glow about her, and I couldn’t take it anymore, she was too beautiful. I said goodbye and turned around to leave, when I felt her expression change and saw her glow change from a gorgeous red to a soft blue. I wasn’t sure what that glow meant, much less the change in color of the glow, but I knew I had to change it back. I turned back around and looked her in eyes and kissed her on her lips like something you would see in a Cary Grant flick, very classy. As I walked out of Chuck E. Cheese’s that day I felt a warm sense in the air, and everything around had a tiny hint of the bright shade of red that radiated from my love’s lips.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68350</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 25, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,577</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68350&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68350&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Relationships (44), Workplace (51)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> joints/cigs</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">54 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This experience was what I consider to be my first Psychedelic experience.
<br>
I do smoke cannabis on a weekly basis (sometimes more than that) and did have some very strong experiences while smoking strong weed- including Time, Space and auditory distortions which by intensity felt stronger than the experience I'm about to describe. Still I feel that my experienced was a completely new thing for me and definitely raised my curiosity for another experience with a higher dose.
<br>
<br>
So.. I took my time with Acid. I have many friends who tried and loved it, and I’ve heard endless stories of positive and negative psychedelic experiences. Being a naturally cautious guy, with Anxiety tendencies and a history of a mild anxiety disorder (A short series of acute panic attacks which were triggered by weed smoking back when I was 18 and were eventually resolved through a month of psychotherapy and no medications prescribed), I was always scared of risking my sanity by walking into something that felt bigger than what I was capable of containing, let alone enjoy or benefit. But that didn’t block my curiosity ! (: and so I read numerous experiences, and talked to just about anyone I could about the nature of the LSD experience. It took quite some time for me to do some growing up and achieve a sufficient acquaintance with myself and my anxiety before I came to a point where I felt comfortable enough with my reality, to try and expand my perception of it. I read some articles that actually described psychedelics as having a healing potential for anxiety disorders. That was really comforting and made me believe that with the right dosage and the correct setting, it could actually be a safe and positive experience for me. And maybe, me too, can finally let go of my initial fears and allow myself to explore my consciousness and Inner-Self.
<br>
<br>
And so it was..
<br>
It was a nice Friday morning. A couple of friends arrived at my place the night before for some dinner and a sleepover. We arranged it so we'll have a whole day just for ourselves, and another day for recovery before Sunday. We woke up after a good night sleep and had some light breakfast. We made sure some Xanax was at hand, just in case (There was no need for it eventually, But it’s always best to play safe).
<br>
<br>
My friend 'A' had a 3 hit row all nicely wrapped in plastic and covered in aluminum foil.
<br>
“A” had already tried a tab from this batch and knew it was safe enough for a first-time tripper. It was a classic Hofmann print, the ones with the bicycle, snowy mountain etc' art.
<br>
<br>
My tab was imprinted with the sun on it. I wished myself a nice sunny day and placed it under my tongue. After about 10 min it started to dissolve into a paper mache so I swallowed what was left of it And waited... I was full of excitement and a bit anxious about the trip that has yet to show any signs of onsetting. While waiting for the acid to kick in we decided to take a short walk outside for a cigarette. When we returned we still haven't felt anything significant. (That was 45 min in) We decided to roll a joint while waiting for it to start. I was not too keen of smoking weed since I didn't want to spoil the purity of the trip, but since we were about an hour after ingestion with no signs showing up yet, I decided to take a hit or two from the joint.
<br>
<br>
About 15 min after smoking the joint we were all chilling in my living room with Kurt Vile playing in the background. While staring at the balcony, I noticed that when I was blinking I saw what appeared as a frozen image of the view I just saw with my eyes open. It was at that point that all 3 of us noticed a shift in our state of mind, feeling high, as being high from smoking weed, but slightly different in a way I can not describe. I closed my eyes and payed attention to the music playing. It was beautiful but not very different from listening to music while stoned.
<br>
<br>
We have decided to take a walk in the park which was just outside my place. As I was waiting for “S” to get ready for getting out I sat down and closed my eyes, listening to the music again when suddenly “S” called me and from the kitchen. From some reason that really surprised me and made me feel a bit anxious. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths and the anxiety went away, never to be seen again throughout the trip.
<br>
<br>
We finally went out. As we walked to the park I started to notice it’s hard for me to focus on objects. I was not sure if it had something to do with my pupils being dilated or the general state of mind. As we continued walking through the park I started noticing I was irresistibly drawn to everything that was colorful around me. I found myself amazed by the geometry and beauty of various flowers blooming between the grass in the park. I spent what seemed like a very long time staring closely at the flowers, Examining their shape, color and textures with great interest. There was a feeling of sheer pleasure, just looking at things and admiring their unique beauty. I remember asking myself , “Are these colors always so vivid and bright ?” I still have a strong recollection of the magenta colored spikes, on one of the flowers I saw. It was for me as a reminder to the beauty of nature.
<br>
<br>
By that point it was about +2:00h, the weather that day was a bit weird, and suddenly a light drizzle started. We found shelter under an ancient olive tree and had some sweet tea I brought in a thermos. The warmth of the tea and the sweetness of the honey made us feel cozy despite the bad weather. We shared another joint while waiting for the rain to stop. After a while the rain did stop and the sun came out. We went out of our shelter and continued strolling around the park, observing the flowers and laughing at nonsense jokes we made, enjoying the warmth of the sun that has just emerged.
<br>
<br>
It was about +3:00h when I had the most profound experience of my trip:
<br>
As I walked pass a thick shrub I suddenly noticed something weird- while looking at it, it felt as if it’s surface was extraordinary 3-dimensional. As I was staring at it I started feeling very strange, I felt like the shrub’s surface was one of those 3d optical illusions and the field of vision was distorted. Although the shrub’s surface was just a meter away from me It felt as if it’s much further. As I continued staring at it, my vision got fixated and I felt as if the image which I’m seeing was multiplied as a pattern to an infinite field of this shrub’s surface. I felt like I was assimilated in this field of vision and my sense of scale was distorted. For a short time it even felt like I was not even standing straight anymore looking down, but rather, sunken in this 3d field just looking forward. Throughout this event I felt extreme physical pleasure that seemed to be induced by what I saw, I guess you could call that an “Eyegasm” as my friend “S” later referred to it.
<br>
<br>
I was completely blown away by this, and voluntarily recreated this illusion again and again in different locations of the park, each one was unique in its beauty and I was really enjoying playing with this new “skill” I assessed. I immediately shared that experience with my friends and they tried it for themselves and loved it. by that time we were about +5:00h and got a little hungry. We went to a nice restaurant near by and ordered some stuff. When the food came I noticed that not only had my sense of vision been sharpened, but also my sense of Taste. The food tasted absolutely amazing, I was groaning with pleasure with every bite I took. I became very sensitive to the different flavors and textures of the food and the composition of the dish. Again, my sensual perception was accented and I enjoyed experiencing the effects of the acid through its various sensual performances. By then it was +6:30h and things started to calm down into a comfortable daze. We returned to my place and had some tea while sharing our personal experiences. I noticed that some halos were formed around objects if I stared at them for a while, but all and all that was pretty much the end of the trip.
<br>
<br>
I wish that ALL first-time LSD users could have an experience so kind and beautiful as I did.
<br>
<br>
I feel that the decision to take a relatively mild dose was a great choice, as it made the whole experience very user-friendly and not intimidating at all. Choosing my home as the base for the beginning of the trip made me feel safe and later being out in the nature, served as a great ground for beauty to form out. Being accompanied by close friends whom I totally trust and love made me feel free to experience with no boundaries or fear of being judged for my actions or behavior. This has been said so many times - Set and Setting are very important.
<br>
<br>
Peace,
<br>
S.B<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 106328</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 31</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 30, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,480</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=106328&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=106328&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">140 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 11:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 tablets</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/hydrocodone/">Hydrocodone</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I'm riding shotgun next to my friend Chris. Connor and Ted are in the back. This will be their first night meeting my long time friend, Lucy.
<br>
<br>
We arrive and head straight to the basement, it's about 9:30. Ted airs his anxieties about tripping tonight, we talk him into it. The basement is spacious with a large tv and some black-lighted sublime posters on the wall, we are so ready. I put a tab under my tongue and we go for a walk. The others choose to wait. It is a temperate night in the fall and mostly dark. We walk around the neighborhood, Chris has a pipe and some weed. They smoke up behind some building in a small patch of woods and we head back to the street. I did not participate as I have given up weed. Rings and halos are appearing around houselights, most people are still awake.
<br>
<br>
30 minutes after leaving the house we are back. Ted and Connor pop a tab in their mouth and Chris contemplates putting it in water and re-dosing throughout the night. He ends up drinking it all. We turn on adventure time, pupils massive, bodies full of anticipation, we watch.
<br>
<br>
I am standing by the wall, flailing my arms claiming these jumping jacks will get me jacked. Chris seems very in control, I inwardly doubt that he is tripping while Ted and Connor giggle on the couch. By this time everything is green and red. I'm on the phone with a friend, asking him to come and hangout with us. Connor and Ted seem to be having the same experience as me, Chris still appears sober.
<br>
<br>
We are melting into the couch and each other, discussing what we had read online about LSD. I repetitively state, possibly in my mind, that I feel like a puddle in the middle of the ocean. Suddenly 'Chris, come up here' - we are all terrified. However, he returns, a champion, holding a large bowl of popcorn and bearing the news that his parents are going to bed. We rejoice and revel at the fact that Chris talked to his parents on LSD. I continue to doubt he is tripping.
<br>
<br>
I assume it is now hour and a half after I dropped and an hour after my friends did. We have now talked to many friends over the phone asking for food and company but receive neither. We feel content and blissful and Chris now shows signs of tripping. We begin to venture off the couch and around the room resulting in wondrous discoveries such as the floor being completely covered in Connor's flowing mullet, later identified as the carpet.
<br>
<br>
The idea of recording our experience in a series of quotes is born. While walking past an artificial plant Connor lifts it from the ground and spins in a circle, enthusiastically stating that he could 'dance one million plants'. I am in the bathroom peeing, it is beautiful, a stark white with a small green plant on the toilet bowl and a recessed light shining down on it. Ted approaches me from behind and requests a 'non-gay size comparison'. I turn him down and go about my business. Prior to this I had experience with LSD and others having bad trips but was not well versed and researched. We noticed Ted staring into the mirror, unaware of the danger this posed, we let it happen.
<br>
<br>
After watching the toilet flush multiple times we return to the couch and all seemed well. Ted sets up his phone on the tv stand to record us, we later find out it was facing the wrong way. Chris begins to show us scientific drawings and shit that he has because he's a smart guy. At the time they seemed fantastic, Ted takes his own shot at a breakthrough and writes 'pInk' on a piece of paper in pink marker. Later, Ted goes to the bathroom and returns claiming to have no idea who he is and requests to be called plant, reacting very negatively to the name Ted. He showed signs of ego loss such as speculating what his life had been up until this point and what he should do with it now.
<br>
<br>
I request taking a walk but at this point Ted is anxious and seemingly overwhelmed. After accepting that he was truly Ted he began to act strangely. He curled up on the floor when we suggested going outside. When I asked if we could turn the lights on he said he would scream, which he actually followed through on. Not taking the situation seriously I did not handle this as I should have. Standing by the door we contemplated moving the blinds, we were to varying degrees convinced that outside this door was outer space.
<br>
<br>
We then chose to watch trippy videos we had seen before. They took on a new layer of hilarious as we were catapulted into another peak by the psychedelic, whirling images. A plate of spaghetti flashes across the screen and about 30 seconds later Ted yells for us to check out this spaghetti, he operated on somewhat of a delay for a short period of time.
<br>
<br>
Going outside was a bittersweet decision. The night was beautiful and the grass lush and damp. Ted sat in dog poop. The others then smoked another bowl in the front yard. Ted decided to run down the street and we found that terrifying experience enough incentive to return inside. At one point Ted grabbed my phone without us noticing and called a girl I was talking to at the time explaining 'don't tell Alex but I never took any acid, he'll be angry with me' he told her he believed we were conspiring against him. Shortly after coaxing him into unlocking the bathroom I saw him staring into the mirror. The facial expression he was making did not match the reflection. I will never forget the horror of thinking I had caused one of my best friends to go insane.
<br>
<br>
After leaving the bathroom he called my father, the time was 3 in the morning. He left desperate video messages to himself describing a key to life, trying to make the trip something it wasn't going to be. This lasted a fair amount of time.
<br>
<br>
We were at a lull near the end of the peak or starting to come down when we ventured outside again. I then noticed Connor had become anxious when thinking about his duties tomorrow and worried that this may never end. I wished it wouldn't. I vainly attempting to explain that we don't have to worry, this is chemically induced and that until it wears off and our city wakes up we have the world to ourselves. Connor obsessively stared at the LSD time chart on a reputable website. Chris later brought to my attention that he believed Connor to be anxious for much of the night and that could've been possibly what negatively impacted Ted.
<br>
<br>
I decided I would take some responsibility as an experienced tripper and take them on walks to ease their worries as we came down. The soundness of my decision-making is debatable as I split up the group. I worried that Ted would run away and not only would I be at fault for supplying and pressuring him into acid but also being the one watching him when he got lost.
<br>
<br>
Walk 1: Ted and I ventured onto the street which was illuminated an ample amount by lights outside houses. I spoke with him about the beauty of nature. I told him that this is the pinnacle of our lives right now, spending the night with our friends tripping. I desperately felt the need to convince him that he had to enjoy this because we would remember this moment forever, which I believe I will. While admiring the beauty and getting farther from the house Chris and Connor resided in I began to fear Ted believed we were out to get him and would try to kill me. Obviously this suspicion was greatly increases by the acid. We returned to find Chris on his laptop and Connor staring at the time chart, worried he would be this way forever. I believe Ted was significantly calmed down from our one on one time.
<br>
<br>
Walk 2: I took Chris for a walk and had a similar experience as I did with Ted. Describing natures beauty and the wonder of what God had created. He expressed to me that he felt very in control throughout the trip. He acted as if he had a significant amount of experience. We spoke about the potential for this chemical and what we could do with it. We were both eager to repeat this experience.
<br>
<br>
Walk 3: I convinced Connor to go on a walk with me. He was my closest friend and the one I had been friends with the longest. I desperately did not want this walk to end. We spoke about how this would end and that we would be fine to do what we had to the next day. He was much calmer after this. A slight rain had started and being fans of Chance the Rapper we sang a few bars of acid rain. I was in awe of the beauty of God's world. I gave him my sweatshirt and walked around the mist, my cold feet on the road and chilly torso meant nothing as me and my best friend walked around the most peaceful neighborhood on earth, in a light rain during our comedown.
<br>
<br>
Upon returning everyone was in high spirits, we layed around a Bluetooth and listened to Chance the Rapper, discussing what had happened. Ted apologized for ruining it for us. He blamed himself while none of us did. I blame myself to this day for his and Connor's bad experiences. We returned to the couches, while they tried to sleep, I desperately did not want my trip to end. A bottle of Gatorade filled with water sat on the floor and Connor drank it, it didn't taste right. I tried a small sip and could not place the flavor. Ted tried it and loved it, gulping down half the bottle. Connor panicked thinking it was the water Chris had put his tab in. After Ted had drank a considerable amount of the water we concluded it to be water from a swimming pool.
<br>
<br>
We parted ways around 8:30-9 am, time had somehow seemed to be dragged on forever while simultaneously flying by. Connor and I had a field trip that morning. Returning home I still felt a glowing body high and had minor visual distortions. I parachuted two Vicodin to attempt to keep the trip alive. I believe this is what caused my visual distortions and body high to persist until 3 pm.
<br>
<br>
As a consequence to this trip Connor is no longer interested in psychedelics. Ted is on the fence about another excursion into the world of LSD. Chris and I have used the fear that resulted from Ted almost losing his identity as motivation. We are now incredibly well versed on all drugs, especially those we plan on doing. Chris is very interested in tripping in the future and my insatiable thirst for psychedelics and transcendence are stronger than they previously were.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 105578</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 16</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 31, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,866</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=105578&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=105578&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">190 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Before this incident I had never done LSD before but was by no means unexperienced with hallucinogens or just about everything short of highly addictive drugs(heroin, meth, crack). I spent my last two years in highschool stoned and taking anything I could get my hands on (now a sophomore in college). Near the end of senior year I quit drugs all together for a while. Even stopped drinking coffee. I would do this on and off for a couple months going back and forth from sober and being high on something from when I woke up until bed. Each time going back to drugs I would just get worse and worse, (most regular substances- always had marijuana, addicted to diphenhydramine and would take pseudoephedrine and drink coffee to stay awake, and drank 5 days a week or so, smoked salvia almost daily for a while) just destroying my brain (my vision had been screwed up for a while now (hppd) and whatever other damage was done). I must mention I suffered from severe depression for many years and drugs were my escape. I knew I had a bad problem and kept trying to stop but … well, you know how it works.
<br>
<br>
Anyway, I got out of college freshmen year and was high for about a month and a half before a friend got some acid and wanted to trip. I always wanted to try it so I was excited and I’m pretty sure we took it the night he got it. I put one tab in my mouth at around 8 and the next at about 9:30 maybe. My friend took them both at about 9. Before I took the second, I was tripping about as hard as I ever had, not expecting what was going to come. Little did I know it was some ridiculously strong acid. As the second one hit me, I started to tweak out, and couldn’t sit still. I was coming up too fast and I was with drunk people so I went outside with my friend. It was then that it all hit me. It must have been about 10:30 now. I was experiencing a level of existence I never thought possible. For measure, anything I felt remotely close to this was when I took about 4 grams of mushrooms, smoked a gram of “sour diesel”(strong weed) and took a couple hits of 20x salvia. I usually worry about focusing on something negative around this time and getting depressed which has happened a couple times on mushrooms before. That wasn’t the case seeing as though I wasn’t capable of creating a thought that made sense to me. I would look up at the stars and be right next to them looking down at the earth from outer space. Cars in the driveway were floating around and would move as I pushed them… I’d like to see what that looked like to a sober person. I loved it to say the least. My friend was running around with me having a similar experience.
<br>
<br>
For those who know hallucinogens, this was just the chaotic onset. When I peaked my ability to think came back to me and all I could think was WHAT THE FUCK DID I GET MYSELF INTO? Why would I pay to feel like this? The irony of it all is that I had spent the last couple years trying to numb my thoughts. Trying to render myself unable to think about the problems in my life. Hiding from them. Now is the part of tripping my friends and I like to call “living hardcore” but of course this time it was much more intense than ever before. The physical me sat crouched in between two cars looking as depressed and confused as one could possibly look. Mentally… the metaphysical me, the metaphysical human mind, all of life, all possibilities. I was remembering that I am everything, I am “god”, I make everything happen, and I am every single person. time is no more. My body is no more. What senses one choses to feel no longer limits one. One is no longer on earth. One are no longer ones self. One is no longer anything. And then One make the most terrifying realization. More terrifying than death. One are completely alone. Entirely the only thing that’s real. Alone Hahaha, it’s maddening.
<br>
<br>
And as I write this I bring myself back to this oh so uncomfortable place and fight the urge to realize the futility in trying to use the limited median of language to express something I already know, to myself.
<br>
<br>
Oh I’d been in this state before this day a couple times before, and I blocked it completely out of my mind. This time I was going to accept it though. I knew what I had to do… something. Anything at all. It was like I had just been born again and everything was entirely new to me as I slowly rebuilt reality as I knew it. The next 12 or so hours I did everything I used to do as a kid and spent the entire time outside rediscovering all the joy from doing things I thought I was no longer interested in. And over the next month I slowly grounded myself to where I felt like I’d fully adjusted to my new mindset. And here I am. Though I can’t say entirely how, I have been living life as a completely different person. Previously afraid of being alone and separated… lonely and depressed. Now accepting the fact that if I love others and everything else, I’m loving myself. Be kind to ones self and feel the goodness in everything. Happiness is subjective and it’s difficult to remember that. I did go back to drugs but only for three days, and immediately felt them pull me back to my depressed state of mind. It’s been about three months since I last abused drugs, and four since this experience, and I’m more together and happier than I’ve been in for as long as I can remember.
<br>
<br>
And for the record, if you met me, I wouldn’t seem crazy.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 56785</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Sep 3, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,516</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=56785&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=56785&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">240 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/methylone/">Methylone</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">.67 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">65 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
21:30 - I mix 240 mg of bk-MDMA (methylone) with water and drink.
<br>
<br>
I've done this several times in the recent past, and it always makes me feel very nice. There is nothing heavy about this experience, just a pleasant body high and feeling of well being. This time, I decided to make the experience a little more interesting by adding a small dose of LSD. The methylone should ensure a good experience, I thought, and the small LSD dose wouldn't seriously blow my mind. Would it?
<br>
<br>
22:00 - The methylone has kicked in very nicely. I eat about 2/3 of a tab of LSD. Each tab supposedly contains 120 ug.
<br>
<br>
22:30 - I'm thinking that this LSD isn't doing very much. I go out to smoke the joint I had rolled before. I come back inside and sit back on the couch.
<br>
Suddenly, it hits.
<br>
<br>
We were talking about the nature of reality, and the old question of 'why is there something rather than nothing?' Suddenly, the concept of existence is mind-boggling. My visual field is breaking up into moving blurs. My thoughts are out of control, as if the depth and complexity of anything I choose to consider is utterly overwhelming. During this, I am able to speak coherently, not showing any outward signs of the storm that is raging within.
<br>
<br>
The objective observer within is intact, and I can still make sense, but the mind that I am observing is in chaos. Reality seems to be an illusion, and it's breaking up all around me. I ask that my sitter continue to speak to me in order to keep me grounded. I request that we discuss something very concrete and mundane, because all this philosophical speculation is causing much distress.
<br>
<br>
2:30 - We both go to bed. I drift in and out of sleep until about 8:00, when we both get up. I go back down for a long nap later. It is now 15:00, and I am still feeling some aftereffects.
<br>
<br>
This has been an unexpectedly heavy and bizarre experiment, and not pleasant. I expected that the methylone would guarantee a good trip, but instead what I believe happened was that the elevated energy provided by it was hijacked by the LSD, creating an uncontrollable gush of disturbing thoughts.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 93721</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Sep 13, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,240</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=93721&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=93721&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Methylone (255), LSD (2) : General (1), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">6 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I was suffering from severe opiate addiction at the time of this dose. I had been battling addiction for nearly three years, and had managed a few months clean by use of methadone to wean. The cravings and psychological addiction never went away, and I relapsed as soon as someone offered me Roxicodone. I spiraled right back into addiction, and after only a few months, was injecting up to half a gram of heroin/ 10 30mg Roxicodone a day into my veins. I desperately wanted to quit, but could not find a viable treatment option. I tried cold turkey, and in my first three days of cessation, I suffered severe and disturbing auditory and visual hallucinations, tremors, shaking, disturbing thoughts, and extreme sensitivity to light and touch.
<br>
<br>
I managed 9 days clean total, but relapsed again because I could not handle the nausea and diarrhea anymore. I got worse over the next two weeks, until I heard about the use of psychedelics in addiction treatment. I was informed that Ibogaine has the highest success rate, but could not find any. After learning that LSD had a hand in the founder of AA’s recovery, I decided to give it a try. After all, it couldn’t hurt. I figured 6 hits would do the trick.
<br>
<br>
When my peak first started, I felt very uneasy. I almost felt like I was going through acute withdrawals, but to a much lesser degree. My whole body tingled, and I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. Very discomforting thoughts began circulating in my mind, and I felt claustrophobic. I was with three close friends, and despite the fact that they left me alone, I still felt overwhelmed. I began tripping harder, and felt more and more uncomfortable. I wanted to scream but could not get the words out.
<br>
At some point I realized that I hadn’t fixed up in a while, but the people who owned the house I was at would be furious if I did it there. So I dealt with it. After a few hours, the uncomfortable thoughts broke into a major moment of clarity—I realized that I was spending disgusting amounts of money to ruin my body, life, and friendships by shooting drugs into my veins, for a high that made me largely non-functional. It made no sense. And almost anything makes sense on LSD, so if it made no sense while tripping, it just MADE NO SENSE. I pondered this for about two hours before I decided that I did not need opiates. I didn’t feel like doing them anymore. I was wasting all my time, dealing with shady people, getting robbed and ripped off, and many times, running out of drugs and having to be dope-sick. And if I did not need them, and did not want to do them, I shouldn’t do them. So I quit.
<br>
<br>
That’s the best explanation for it. I just quit. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">That’s the best explanation for it. I just quit.</div></div> After all this mental exhaustion, I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning, I felt mild flu-like symptoms (physical opiate withdrawals) but absolutely no mental withdrawals. The desire and drive to use were simply lifted from me. I spent a few days in bed, and treated myself as if I had the flu. After a couple days I felt fine, though I had night sweats and mild feverish symptoms for about another week (these were barely noticeable.)
<br>
<br>
I have not done opiates since, although the opportunity has presented itself many times. I simply tell people “I don’t do that,” because I don’t. Despite this newfound mental strength immediately after quitting, I felt almost like a newborn baby with no real knowledge of self. The only thing I truly knew was that I was not addicted to drugs, and did not want to be. Since then, I have rediscovered old hobbies and friends, and keep myself occupied with healthy and stimulating activities. I am also enrolled in college, with a major in physics. I was in school at the time, and I went from failing to B-grades within a month of quitting simply by focusing all the effort I would have spent using into school. I have also aided the process of recovery through use of psychedelics, as they stimulate my mind and help me discover and re-discover parts of who I am.
<br>
<br>
This process is far from over, but I am happy to share the experience which jump-started my recovery, and add another small tally to the people who recognize the medicinal properties of psychedelic use.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 91097</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 25</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Sep 23, 2017</td><td>Views: 4,902</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=91097&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=91097&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Health Benefits (32), Unknown Context (20)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:17</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">15 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cb/">2C-B</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:17</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/benzodiazepine/">Benzodiazepines</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">144 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
[September 2021 Note: This report was originally published under the name Kallisti23, a name used previously by the author LiminalMugwump.]
<br>
<br>
<!--(90 - 100ug LSD + 15mg 2CB)
<br/>
<br/>
-->Laying the foundation:
<br>
<br>
9.23: It's a grey and cloudy morning and I decide to take one tab of LSD, that although advertised as 160ug my subjective experiences with them lead me to believe them to be more like 90 – 100ug of very nice clean LSD (Let debates on dirty vs clean LSD ensue). I plan on taking some 2CB a couple of hours in to add some more colour and visuals, and to also hopefully add an extra positive push to the trip. It's a combination I haven't tried before but have wanted to try for a while as I have heard good things about it and love both LSD and 2CB in their own right.
<br>
<br>
10.23: I can feel the acid start to come on very mild, the gentle electric current of LSD is starting to flow through my body and my vision is getting sharper. I decide to sit down and meditate for a bit to try and move the energy around my body to the vital points.
<br>
<br>
12.26: I ended up going downstairs for a bit because there was someone down there who was working a late shift today. The TV was on and I watched a little, I can speak and socialize naturally without to much hassle or arousing any suspicion as to my slowly expanding consciousness. The acid has settled into a nice mild trip, a ++. Watching an anchor speak on CNN her face seemed to take on a serpentine alien form.
<br>
<br>
The person just left so I decide that now is a probably a good time to take the 2CB.
<br>
<br>
12.40: I weigh up and take 15mg 2cb and I also smoke a pipe of hash.
<br>
<br>
13.15: I go out the back garden to smoke a joint. Outside it's a chilly winters day, and an ocean of cloud rolls across the sky like a blank sheet - the clouding of ordinary consciousness with the intent of creating a blank sheet on which a new script can be written is a good metaphor for the trip.
<br>
<br>
13.30: Lying down on the floor with my eyes closed listening to Ravi Shankar I can feel the warm gentle bliss of Eve wash over me, enveloping me in a subtle psychedelic comfort.
<br>
<br>
The meeting of Hoffman and Shulgin:
<br>
<br>
LSD and 2CB mix very well together, the two allies flow into each other effortlessly and synchronise into a nice tranquil hedonistic symbiosis. There's no opposing forces at work here, they seem like natural allies.
<br>
<br>
13.50: I find myself in the kitchen eating plum tomatoes and strawberries, both which taste exceptionally good. I wonder if this is a subconscious pull of the popular psychedelic myth that vitamin C somehow adds something to a trip? I often find myself drawn to any fruit rich in vitamin C when on psychedelics, but apart from tasting damn good I can't say whether it has brought about any change to the flavour of the trip.
<br>
<br>
It is worth noting that I have been smoking pipes of hashish throughout. I find Cannabis to be the perfect accompaniment to any trip. It acts as a psychedelic glue that ties the whole experience together.
<br>
<br>
15.43: I've spent the past couple of hours in a very psychedelicised state. At various times I invoked and/or identified with particular deity's or mythic figures, there was a strong theme of the dual masculine / feminine force inherent in all humans.
<br>
<br>
At one point I was Adam standing naked in the garden, the 8-pointed star pendant of hermes that hung around my neck representing the evolution humans must undergo through the 8 levels of consciousness throughout their existence – maybe the purpose of terrestrial life in preparation for the next cycle?
<br>
<br>
I also ran myself a nice hot bath with some aroma therapy oils and lay there soaking feeling the emotional and physical toxins get drawn out of my body and into the water around me. I became one, floating in an ocean of universal consciousness. During my time in the bath I went through various psychological states, at times feeling filled with great power and strength, at other times hints of the darker and vulnerable parts of my subconscious showed themselves.
<br>
<br>
The visual aspect to the last portion of the trip has been very electric and neon, a characteristic I've come to realise that I find less appealing than the more organic flowing visual character of a mushroom trip, or even LSD on it's own for that matter. I would guess that's a result of a phenethylamine thrown into the mix.
<br>
<br>
20.08: I decided to take 5mg diazepam around 17.20 as I knew people would be returning home soon and I was still flying rather high. I certainly mellowed out the trip and took any edge off to the extent that I could talk and interact relatively effortlessly, but it by no means made me come down, part of the trip still remained leaving me feeling more open and sensitive to whom I spoke with. I found myself striving to understand the emotional root that underlay what was being said. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I found myself striving to understand the emotional root that underlay what was being said.</div></div> Even at this point now I still feel the subtle expanded flow of the residual LSD flowing through my consciousness.
<br>
<br>
Evaluation:
<br>
<br>
The 2CB brought the trip up from a mild ++ to a mild +++, which was a bit under what I was shooting for. If I where to do it again I think I'd up the LSD dose but leave the 2CB dose the same. The 2CB dominated the trip adding a nice positive push, with the LSD laying down a nice deep psychedelic foundation that 2CB on its own lacks.
<br>
<br>
I think this combination in the dose I took today would be great for a social trip with a few close friends, or maybe even at a festival as due to the fun energetic qualities of both substances and the empathogenic aspect of 2CB. Although I did gain some valuable insight, and at times did get pretty far out, for entheogenic purposes I think a stronger dose of LSD on its own might have been more effective than this combination.
<br>
<br>
All in all though it is a good combination and one I would definitely try again.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110029</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 25</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 3, 2017</td><td>Views: 5,868</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110029&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110029&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 2C-B (52) : Alone (16), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/smarts/melatonin/">Melatonin</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">110 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
NOTE: This report was written a few days after my initial trip with a few updates made after. <!--I've edited it so that people with little to no experience with psychedelics will be able to understand what it's really like to be on acid beyond 'cool fractals' and 'mindblowing revelations' or whatever. -->
<br>
<br>
BACKGROUND: I've considered myself a sort of depressed and anxious person for a very long time, but lately I've been doing relatively well. I have never felt that my mental health was poor enough to warrant a therapist or medication, and I did not think that I have enough legitimate problems to cause a bad trip.
<br>
<br>
DROPPING
<br>
<br>
My three friends and I dropped what was supposedly 125 mics of LSD around 2:30 pm at one of their houses. The girl (E) had four or five trips under her belt while the boys (S and V) had only tried 1/3 tab each before. It was my first time.
<br>
<br>
We played a card game while we waited for the effects to kick in. Just as I began to understand the rules, I was no longer able to play because everything seemed so damn funny.
<br>
<br>
One of my friends claimed he wasn't feeling anything at all, but his pupils looked like saucers. Even though I believed him, this notion was hilariously ironic to me.
<br>
<br>
After about thirty minutes of tear-inducing laughter, everything suddenly ceased to be as amusing. I felt almost sober. I tried to eat a cookie but it didn't taste like much and was very dry and weird.
<br>
<br>
We messed around with this game (don't know the name) where you manipulate the music and the environment. I just kind of watched while S and V talked about how the human brain interprets lines as environments, seeing patterns in what is essentially nothing. S thanked V for the (like 2 hr long) conversation and claimed that it was allowing him to stay grounded in reality. V said he felt the same. I didn't really know what they were talking about. Instead of having racing thoughts like they were describing, my mind felt empty and foggy, like any thoughts I tried to make had to slug through molasses before they registered. I didn't understand how one could even begin to stray from reality on this drug.
<br>
<br>
E talked to me a little about the enhanced colors and distortion effects. I could only really notice the distortion when I was looking at uniform lines, and I couldn't tell if colors looked slightly brighter or if I was just being more perceptive because I thought they would. I had no idea what she was talking about when she said things looked like they were melting. The only effects I noticed were that I kept thinking that a stuffed seal was a real dog and that a green bag was a kid wearing a minecraft creeper hoodie when I saw them out of the corner of my eye. This was only mildly entertaining at best. I felt very bored and kind of lonely this whole time.
<br>
<br>
Soon a sober friend dropped by and offered to take us for a ride before he had to go to work, and I readily agreed so that we'd have something to do. I sat in the middle seat in the back between the two boys, S and V. The sober friend, T, rolled down the windows, opened the skylight, and played some bass-heavy chill electronic music very loudly. I tried to ask T to turn it down but he just kind of scoffed at me, and E seemed shocked that I do not like loud music. And so, my request was denied.
<br>
<br>
T drove through some scenic back roads. V stared out the window. S sat on my left looking pensive. E kept taking photos of perfectly ordinary 'beautiful' clouds through the skylight. I just kind of freaked out.
<br>
<br>
The car seemed much more spacious than I had previously noticed, which would normally be comforting, but up until the point I had been convinced that I was essentially sober, so the fact that my sense of reality could be distorted without me even realizing it jarred me. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had been convinced that I was essentially sober, so the fact that my sense of reality could be distorted without me even realizing it jarred me.</div></div> My ears felt stuffed with sound, and everything seemed so big and overwhelming. I tried to talk to the others but I couldn't speak over the music, and my inability to communicate caused me some distress.
<br>
<br>
A surprising amount of people were out on the streets. I felt really conspicuous, what with the teenager-filled car blasting music as we went through small neighborhood roads. I was very glad when we returned home.
<br>
<br>
I sat around drawing for an hour before I got bored again. I felt very antsy and very lonely. I am not an affectionate person, but I wanted someone to hold me. My mind was still empty.
<br>
<br>
I wanted to go outside, but no one wanted to go with me, so I went by myself. I sat on a bench for a couple of minutes, but I was no more intellectually stimulated and no less alone. I went back inside.
<br>
<br>
We ate microwaved pizza around 8. We weren't really hungry, but we knew that we should eat. It didn't taste bad, but it felt kind of slimy and the act of moving food around with my tongue seemed really unnatural. I then hugged S while he was talking. He didnt react.
<br>
<br>
Afterward, we walked to the lake (20 minute walk, tops) and looked at the lit up boat docks. They were pretty, but no more than usual. E also found a wild cockroach in the street. She tried to pick it up, which I found disgusting and terrifying, but no more than usual. We sat under a tree and felt the breeze while looking at the stars. It was very nice, but still no more than usual. I was very underwhelmed by the trip. I noticed that I was seeing patterns appear in the grass and and the stars start to rotate, but I dismissed these visuals as nothing, since they were very mild and I thought it was too far into my trip for me to be peaking.
<br>
<br>
We returned home and decided to smoke weed around 10:30, 8 hours after dropping, which I assumed would be safe. However, I weigh roughly 110 pounds, have next to no tolerance to marijuana, and do not usually react well to weed. So this was indisputably an awful, terrible, no good idea. But I ripped that bong anyways.
<br>
<br>
POST WEED
<br>
<br>
I took my second hit, and it was fucking huge. I was already a bit out of it from the first, but the second made me start coughing and gagging a little. I left the bathroom and flopped on S's chair. I remember barely being able to see (like when you suddenly stand up, but worse) and V coming over to ask me if I was alright. I don't remember what I said in reply.
<br>
<br>
At around this point I began to 'hallucinate.' It was more like vividly imagining, only I had no control over what I was seeing or my reaction. The first thing I remember after I briefly blacked out was being trapped in my own thoughts. I felt as if I were being 'forced' to have certain thought patterns. I was spitting out code, the basic code that codes for feelings and responses to stimuli. But my brain's code was broken. A frame corresponding to a code word would flash in my vision, and then the next, and the next, and so forth. For the most part, these happened incredibly quickly, like frames in a movie, 24-30 per second, but often consisted of a slow buildup before it reached full speed. Chains of code would result in an incredibly intense feeling that would build up in my mind and exit via my temples in an almost painful fashion. The final strength and length of each chunk of code varied, but generally became stronger and stronger as time passed, progressing from an uncomfortably intense feeling to a feeling akin to extreme overstimulation via vibration, like a painfully strong orgasm.
<br>
<br>
At this point I was rambling that I was a computer simulation and shuddering/twitching/seizing up whenever a particularly intense wave came upon me. I was convinced that our brains are essentially incredibly complex computers that function on a system of multiple inputs as code (as opposed to binary, which has 0 and 1, or DNA, which has GCAT, brains have dozens of different code words such as blue, square, and five, all of which I remember saying out loud robotically).
<br>
<br>
As I experienced the primal coding of my human brain going haywire, I felt like a robot. I understood that human consciousness is just a result of electrical impulses in a fleshy computer, and I was thoroughly aware of the simplicity of it. This made me feel unworthy, like a disgusting and lowly creature. Realizing this would not have been concerning in the least if I was not convinced that my brain code was completely wrecked from me taking LSD.
<br>
<br>
In the worst part of my thought loop, I was a slave to the code. I would think a thought, which coded for the next thought, which coded for the next, and I could not stop. My brain was becoming overloaded, causing it to lag heavily.
<br>
<br>
Back in reality, everyone else was feeling similarly overwhelmed. S and V found that they had little control over the direction of their thoughts. V thought it would be a good idea to put some music on, and asked for suggestions. S requested 'light comedy music' (???) so V put on the Book of Mormon soundtrack. (I did not learn of this until later.)
<br>
<br>
In my consciousness, my brain lag made the song seem really awfully out of time, like it was switching time signatures every bar. It sounded like the worst song I'd ever heard. I asked V to turn off the 'cowboy music.'
<br>
<br>
I was vaguely aware that control of my main train of thought has been wrested from me by my broken biology. I became increasingly convinced that these loops of broken code were what people in vegetative states (or with schizophrenia) experience and the reason for why they are not all there. I somehow also convinced myself that my subconscious would take control of my body for me and have me continue my life as a paranoid schizophrenic, guiding me through life with my basic animal instincts, while my actual ego would remain trapped in this infinite loop. I began to consider death as an outlet, a way to escape, but I quickly came to the conclusion that this was exactly what death was like, only death was guaranteed forever. I cryptically and said 'Death is this' at one point.
<br>
<br>
This went on for what seemed like at least 4 or 5 hours (though I'm pretty sure it didn't even last 20 min in actuality). Eventually I was no longer stuck in a timeless dimension and was again fairly aware of my friends around me, though I kept fading in and out of reality. I told them to kill me if I ever tried to do this again. Several times.
<br>
<br>
The codes were still flashing in my imagination. Each code from before began to correspond to a pattern. Patterns were the building blocks of everything. The world is made entirely of patterns. The universe is made of patterns. DOGS are made of patterns. This realization completely shattered my worldview. I couldn't believe, I REFUSED to believe, that this whole time, dogs were just patterns, yet I knew this fact to be indisputably true. My entire life felt like a lie.
<br>
<br>
The patterns kept flashing by until my mind's eye zoomed out. I could see that they were all flashing by on a stream, like a film reel, which warped and transformed into a stereotypical psychedelic tunnel. I was shooting down this multicolored roller coaster track of sorts and began to get lost in my own past.
<br>
<br>
I started remembering things from my childhood and the way I thought when I was a child. I remembered how I perceived and what I thought of stoners, recalling all this in the form of intrusive 90's skater dude montages. I was incredibly ashamed and angry at myself for ever abandoning the strong morals I had and becoming a piece of shit stoner. I hated my friends for doing it too. I hated the pseudo-intellectual bullshit they were spewing and I hated myself for involving myself with them. I thought about what held our friend group together and my reasons for staying and I hated it all. I began to grow angry at them- angry to the point of loathing them.
<br>
<br>
I felt a great amount of contempt for S's acid-induced pseudo-psychology. How could he think what he said was profound? How could he laud this drug for its introspective properties when I didn't feel shit before I toked up? What was I doing hanging out with him? And what was I doing hanging out these other people? We had long stopped doing anything together but smoking weed. I only hung out with the female in the group because I, along with every single one of my friends, had a massive crush on her. I hated her for manipulating me and leading me on, but not as much as I hated myself for being such a beta fucking cuck and failing to see that she simply wasn't ever going to see me as more than a friend. I felt like not only a piece of shit stoner, but also a shitty fedora-donning neckbeard for ever pining for her like I did. I simmered in loathing for everyone and everything, particularly myself.
<br>
<br>
I felt as if I had let down my family by doing drugs. I would check my phone desperately, making sure that in the meantime I would not let my mother down by not responding to her if she ever texted. I wished I had chosen conformity over shitty rebellious teenage drug use. However, as I thought about what my life would be like as a 'normal' person, I felt anguish thinking about how empty and meaningless it would be. I continued riding the rainbow half pipe of patterns, images, explosions, and half soggy crackers, hating myself more and more every time I realized how classically 'psychedelic' of a trip I was having, equating myself to the likes of Shaggy and Ashton Kutcher. I desperately wanted the trip to end, but every time I wished for peace, I'd be reminded that when I was sober, I'd have to return to my piece of shit boring life. I was having an unbelievably awful trip, yet I believed that real life was immeasurably worse.
<br>
<br>
I became incredibly disgusted with society and human behavior. Thinking about how we exploit others for our own selfish gains, I wisely proclaimed 'we all sell CATS for a living.'
<br>
<br>
At some point I calmed down considerably and was moved to the couch. I took some melatonin and rested my head on V's lap and continued to loathe my piece of shit meaningless life and the meaningless relationships I had with my piece of shit friends, while relying on V's sick babysitting skills and feeling concerned for E, who was also having a hard time and seeing everything like it was an animated film.
<br>
<br>
Within about 30 minutes I almost completely stopped feeling anxious. I sat up and tried to explain what happened to me but my brain was too fried to function. Everything that happened in the past 3 hours seemed like a faraway dream, and every once in a while, I'd remember what had just happened to me. It was really hard to comprehend the fact that I actually experienced that, that I was trapped in cerebral hell.
<br>
<br>
I will not be smoking weed or doing acid for a long time. And I will never mix the two again. If I do, please, kill me.
<br>
<br>
Update: 2 weeks later
<br>
<br>
For a few weeks after my trip, thinking about what happened to me left me pretty spooked. It was (and is) hard for me to look back and think that that ACTUALLY happened to me. I managed to smoke weed once (a small amount) and had a very enjoyable time, likely because I didn't smoke myself into the state where it feels as if I am no longer myself. This is surprising because I have been rather anxious regarding my well-being when smoking or tripping again, especially because I consider the kush to be the main cause of my bad trip.
<br>
<br>
However, lately I feel my condition has deteriorated. Though I have spent much time pondering my trip, as of late, thinking about it causes me to doubt my reality. My belief that what I experience isn't really real fluctuates in intensity, and during a time when I don't really feel affected, such as the time of writing this, it is difficult to relate to and remember my feelings during my delusions. Even so, I will attempt to write about them.
<br>
<br>
I am especially prone to this state of mind when thinking about my trip or near my druggie friends. Wednesday, two days ago, was when I first noticed the effect was getting scarily pronounced, and I found myself wholeheartedly believing that the world around me wasn't truly legitimate. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I found myself wholeheartedly believing that the world around me wasn't truly legitimate.</div></div> What made it fake, I can't exactly describe. The primary factor was that the trip had shown me that my brain is completely capable of deceiving me and of showing me falsities. At times I am sure that the world around me is merely a construction of my subconscious. A second factor is that the behavior of my friends seems so canned and so fake, that I cannot believe them to be genuine. This type of fakeness is almost exclusive from the other, as the former relies on the assumption that everyone is as genuine as they could be, since they are and have always been part of the simulation, and the the latter assumes that my friends are real but simply acting in a formulaic and manufactured manner. Despite this apparent dichotomy, somehow both notions coexist in my mind.
<br>
<br>
Though I'm sure that if I'm in a delusional state that everyone I talked to would seem similarly fake, so far, I mostly feel this way towards my druggie friends, with the only non-druggie exception I can recall being my little sister. Thursday during lunch, I felt entirely convinced that the world was a simulation constructed by some malevolent being who put me in a coma and was controlling my dreams.
<br>
<br>
The topic of my trip happened to come up during one of my 'episodes'. V joked about me being messed up because of the experience. I not-really-jokingly-but-in-a-nonetheless-joking-manner replied, 'I'm ruined,' and he asked for clarification. I told him that I am constantly questioning reality. He laughed at me and asked for clarification, saying that I said that before and that I'd never actually explained what it meant. I hated his fake canned response and I hated myself for thinking that opening up to a construct of the simulation would make me feel better. The feeling did not go away until about an hour later, when I was able to take my mind off things.
<br>
<br>
Today I did not feel particularly terrible. Semblances of this delusion appeared throughout my day, one even prompting me to write this, but I was mostly okay. I was able to tell myself 'don't be silly, all this is real' and halfway believe it. During an episode, I am almost always able to tell myself that, but I always get the very strong feeling that I am lying to myself.
<br>
<br>
Update 1.5 months later
<br>
<br>
Almost immediately after that last report I got better, and I haven't felt super weird like that since. I'm considering doing LSD again, but I get the feeling I'll regret it.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108504</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 4, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,970</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108504&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108504&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
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<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
<!--I have used Erowid for well over 10 years I think. -->As I have used many psychoactive drugs over the years and have professional training as a writer, I thought I could help out by sharing my experiences. This will, obviously, be in regard to the use of the drug LSD-25, more commonly known as 'acid.'
<br>
<br>
I first tried LSD at age 16. My best friend and I decided we would try it together and both cut a hit of blotter in half, as we knew it was a potentially powerful drug. The first time, I had no psychoactive effect whatsoever. This may have been because the acid was poorly manufactured, or that our 'acid' may have not contained any LSD whatsoever.
<br>
<br>
Eventually, we did begin to see a psychoactive effect from the drug. I specifically recall during that time taking one or two hits at a time. I would now say that the quality of the acid we were taking was average in strength. Not having taken it many times, though, I did experience some very notable experiences.
<br>
<br>
One of the most beautiful was at a friend's house, we had all dropped acid. I was relatively high or tripping on the drug. I laid down on my friend's bed and felt as if I was laying on clouds, way up in the sky. I felt incredibly serene and I thought it was beautiful. We eventually advanced to taking more of the drug and mixing it with heavy doses of marijuana.
<br>
<br>
When I was a teen, I feel in love with LSD. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">When I was a teen, I feel in love with LSD.</div></div> I felt that it gave me a glimpse into Heaven. I loved the feeling. I loved the rush and the way it made me think of great things that I wouldn't have otherwise.
<br>
<br>
As I become more comfortable with the drug, I tried more. But even more importantly, friends from other cities began providing me with much more potent LSD. The effects of the more potent LSD were almost incomparable to the LSD I had obtained in my own city. I began having experiences which challenged my ability to keep myself 'together.'
<br>
<br>
Several times, I took significant amounts of this more potent LSD, and when mixed with marijuana, I had several experiences so intense that I wished that they had never occurred. Seriously. When you take a psychedelic drug such as LSD which has been purchased on the streets, you do not know the potency. You should understand that just because you take LSD once, twice, five or ten times... does not mean that you will be prepared for the time when you take a hit that is stronger.
<br>
<br>
Over the years, my love for this drug went on... I usually enjoyed taking smaller amounts of it because I mostly liked the 'rush' it gave me and not really the feeling of uncertainty that a large dose could provide. I definitely had multiple experiences where the drug overwhelmed me. If a person has not experienced this, it is near impossible to explain. Being overwhelmed by a drug is NOT fun or cool. It can cause you to panic and question your sanity and your health.
<br>
<br>
Overall... I have very mixed feelings about LSD-25. I know that part of who I am now has been influenced by the many fun and beautiful times I had with this drug. At the same time, I feel that it did in fact do me significant mental damage. This statement is not to be taken lightly, nor do I intend it to serve as a horrific 'anti-drug' statement.
<br>
<br>
LSD was invigorating, entertaining, and beautiful for me at times. But I also could have suffered permanent mental illness from it. I attribute some of my problems to this day to my excessive use of this drug although I can neither prove nor disprove this theory. I learned, 13 years after starting to take illegal drugs, that sometimes the negative effects can not be realized for many years.
<br>
<br>
Is this to say that LSD is the product of Satan and all that is bad? No. Far from it. But if I could live my life again, I would probably think twice about taking this drug. Mostly because I took it before I was an adult. Using drugs such as this, <a href="&lt;br/&gt;%0A&lt;a%20href=">and others</a>, led me to make my real life and my education of secondary importance. In my late 20's, I realized that I could have been much more successful in life without doing drugs like LSD-25. I had a lot of fun doing it. About this, there is no doubt. But I would probably, and honestly, as a 29 year old... If I could relive my life, I would probably not choose to use this drug or I would have waited until I was 21.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1997</td><td width="90">ExpID: 77811</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 11, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,482</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=77811&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=77811&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Various (28), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">78 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I've seen many a dawn break across the long-suffering night's sky. Each time searching for that imperceptible moment when night becomes day. A gradual lightness eventually breaks the back of a mysterious darkness. But no sunrise was quite as dramatic or brilliant as the time I did acid with Flex. It is common knowledge that the most important part of taking LSD is the careful selection of setting. So allow me to explain my property. A crow flying across the North Eastern Victorian sky would see a simple land of squares. My property resides in the centre of five squares. A property of one hundred acres (484,000 square yards) comprising flat fields, rugged bush land, and a house like a shoebox. The house we were in is psychedelic by its nature. It is composed of one large open room comprising of the kitchen, dining room, and loungeroom. The furnishing includes indigenous artwork (gathered from volunteer work in Indigenous communities mainly in the Northern Territory and New South Wales) and intricately patterned rugs. The roof itself is a grainy-sloped wood. Under the influence of any psychedelics the house would come alive. I’d spread a number of art-books throughout the house in order to add to the experience. These included a Salvador Dali book, a book titled simply ‘Renaissance Art’, and a carefully sequestered H.R. Giger book.
<br>
<br>
The acid trip began at eleven-o-clock at night and would range across this area, from feline antics in a kitchen oven, to a fiery crescendo on a verdant hill beneath the stars with The Beatles in the background.
<br>
<br>
Flex and I drove to my empty house after his band had played a local gig. Arriving at ten PM we began preparing the house. He set up the music while I closed the curtains. After coffee and a shower we took out the five acid tabs. We took two and a half tabs and waited. After an hour in order to speed up the onset (and intensify the trip) we each smoked a bit of marijuana. We milled around worrying that the tabs might be inert. The first sign of things to come was when we noticed that a large Indigenous dot painting that hung n my loungeroom was beginning to animate, as the yellow and red dots shifted and twirled. With the onset of effects we walked around the house for an indeterminable amount of time enjoying the tame visuals. I munched happily on a packet of potato chips while Flex gazed at the tile floor. I didn’t know it, but things were soon to enter a new level, a hallucinogenic intensity that I had never experienced before.
<br>
<br>
As Flex put on the song ‘Feels Like We Only Go Backwards’ by Tame Impala I saw the mirror like door of my oven and sat down in front of it. I gazed at my warped visage. My face darkened and isometric patterns began to twirl. “I’m seeing the most amazing thing I’ve seen in my life.” I said to Flex.
<br>
“What’s that?”
<br>
“Everything is going like really weird… like into weirdness. I’m turning into a cat.”
<br>
He sat down beside me on the tile floor and said simply, “You have a very shiny oven.” I stared at the reflection as my face twirled and spun. I glanced at my friend’s reflection and saw that he now had an impossibly long goblin-like face. Looking back at myself I saw that I was now growing whiskers and my face was taking on a feline form, I could see a tail as well poking up from my clothing.
<br>
“I’m in a box turning into a cat!” I cried.
<br>
<br>
“You actually do look like a cat.” Flex said. I watched as my face became more and more cattish. I was in the grips of the acid euphoria.
<br>
“Such weird things are happening to my face right now.” I said.
<br>
“Same.”
<br>
“Like my face is melting, and there are all these patterns, all going across my face. And my entire face is all vibrating and moving along with it.”
<br>
“That’s incredible. My face is just becoming so warped when I stare into it. I look like I’m 60-years-old. Also I don’t really trust these guys.” He said pointing at the mirror. “I feel like we’re a bit of a duo, and they’re a bit of a duo, and I don’t really trust them.”
<br>
“I know what you mean.”
<br>
“Yeah they’re just sitting behind glass watching us - talking about us.”
<br>
Then my face began to become less conventionally cattish and shifted again so that now I appeared like a Navi from the shitty movie ‘Avatar.’ “It’s amazing how much more intense this has become since we looked at the oven. Like I’m on a whole other level now.”
<br>
“I know what you mean.” He said.
<br>
“As I’m looking at myself, I can see my face with war paint on it… with cat’s teeth.”
<br>
We both laughed, and he pointed at the mirror, “I like it when this guy is happy and has a smile on his face.”
<br>
Then there was some banging from outside, I assumed it was my dogs who were in the laundry. But then there was the unmistakable sound of a door opening. My brother walked into the kitchen.
<br>
Flex turned to him “Hi I’m Flex.”
<br>
“I’m turning into a cat!” I said.
<br>
“Oh, cats are the worst things to turn into.” My brother replied matter-of-factly.
<br>
“What have you guys taken?” He asked.
<br>
“Acid.” I replied.
<br>
“Okay have fun.” He said as he walked to his room. Fearing that I had been looking at the mirror too long I suggested we go outside. Flex agreed.
<br>
<br>
We stepped outside onto my patio. It was well lit and surrounded by a fairly lush garden. I lit up a cigarette and we lay on the grassy lawn. We stared up at the sky. I could see white lines connecting all the stars. I’d see faces and shapes emerge from the sky as the heavens blinked and twinkled every colour. The grass spun and twirled in squares. I felt completely at one with nature. The smoke I blew danced in the air like a beautiful grey ghost. Flex and I spoke about the size of the universe and how small we all were. I suddenly felt like I could see the world. I saw my property floating in a completely black space. All that existed was that which I could see. My house and the area in front of my house that we sat was simply by itself flying through space. I wondered at this, and felt as if I could see the strings holding up the world. I got up and walked. It felt as if I was a giant with uneven legs. As I walked closer to my patio I felt like I was shrinking. When I arrived at my table I felt like I was only two feet tall. I walked around some more and suddenly I felt like I was walking through the space between time and between moments. I reflected that the world and time is like exhibits in a museum being put on for the benefit of the viewer, and I could not see the museum because I’d been trained to walk between the pictures and moments, rather than through the cosmic gallery in which the pictures hung. In those moments I knew instinctively that our world existed in a black cavern spinning on a string, with pricks of light creating a mural. I could see into the corridor of life. Things were getting too intense. I turned to my laptop and wrote two sentences, “Ben Askot, I’m the DJ of the human soul. Sit back in the universe café while I twirl you up something. Some experience.” I hit the enter bar a number of times and wrote, “SIT HERE AND LOOK DEEP WITHIN YOURSELF, IN THE OVEN… INTO THE CAT EMPIRE IN YOUR KITCHEN.”
<br>
<br>
I went into my darkened room and turned the fan on and lay in my bed. In the dark I imagined myself as a giant lying in a giant desert. I lay there in my bed for around twenty-minutes and emerged feeling much more collected. I walked out to find Flex sitting on the couch looking at the Salvador Dali book. We sat on the couch admiring his artwork and then went back outside. We lay under the stars and I felt myself sinking into the earth and could feel the earth spinning on its orbit. The sky was filled with shooting stars and periodically the world would flash into a brightly animated form. As I lay under the stars on the grassy hill The Beatles were playing. I felt the music through every part of myself. As I listened I could actually feel the texture of the music. The climax of ‘A Day In the Life’ seemed to last forever and with each note my body rose higher.
<br>
<br>
When it finally finished I fell back to the earth exhausted, I felt as if every part of my body had been exercised and stretched by the experience of listening to that song. When ‘The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill’ came on something bizarre began to happen. I noticed that steam came out of my mouth when I breathed. I had not had a cigarette for a while, and it was a warmish night. Then this steam started to stream from every part of my body like smoke. I saw my face from a profile view and saw that it was flowing out of my face as well. Then I smelled the smoke and could feel the fire. I saw my shoulder and body were consumed with fire. While this was happening I could hear in the background, “Hey Bungalow Bill, what did you kill? Bungalow Bill.” The feeling was so intense and so real, the fire filled my vision and I could feel the heat (though no pain) I could feel myself dissolving into the air. I lay there for some time as my body dissolved in the flames. Flex lay oblivious a few meters away. I got up and was relieved to find I was not actually on fire. I walked again to the patio, Flex and I stared at the plants for sometime. One plant resembled hands and these hands swayed and reached menacingly into the air. I walked to our pool and looked out into the paddocks. Inside the pool the light rippled off its blue walls.
<br>
<br>
I considered this water and thought that perhaps we’re all submerged by water that dims our awareness of everything that goes on around us. All the stimuli is drowned by this water and becomes less intense and more ordered. The soundscape of the world rendered mute by that film of water. Flex and I spoke of blindness, how if you were to suddenly get vision the world would be a mess of colours and stimuli, because it is our brains that eventually draw order out of this chaos. Throughout the trip I experienced a kind of nausea. I was usually able to ignore it and at some points it was overtaken by a kind of euphoria, but I could never shake it completely. I was also perturbed by a facial numbness and fluctuating temperatures (sometimes I’d be too cold, then too hot, or feverishly sweating) all these effects were fairly easy to ignore or treat though.
<br>
<br>
After hours of the outside lights being on, the air was thick with light seeking insects, and also the bats that ate them. As we stood in the patio a tremendous moth began flying around and banging into things. The moth appeared to us to be at least as large as a crow and was brown with brilliant green stripes across its body. It landed on a pole. Flex was deathly frightened of it and I picked it up with both hands and offered to take it away. I could feel it squirm underneath my hands and I threw it up into the air. I returned but so did the moth. It looked bigger than ever and was making a terrible din. Flex expressed a desire to go inside and I agreed. We entered the house. We both felt exceedingly hungry but couldn’t find anything we wished to eat. We played some music and were fascinated with the empty noise created by the subwoofer. It was the sound of being ready to make sound, but not quite making it.
<br>
<br>
I lay on the kitchen floor standing at the greenish ceramic tiles. The tiles began to turn into a satellite map. And I imagined myself as some giant satellite astride the earth, focusing in on the mountains. Looking at the tile I felt like I could see my house from the air. After a while staring at tiles and carpets and looking at art we went back outside. One thing that stood out for me on LSD was the calming effect of a cigarette. For some reason the LSD made me enjoy smoking more than I ever had before. It also instantly made me calm. Whenever I felt nervous or like the trip was getting too much, a cigarette instantly made me feel calm and happy. At this point our trip seemed to have peaked visually. The intense visuals and warping seemed to have receded and while we had the twirling colours, tracers, and other visual stimuli, powerful hallucinations like my body turning into smoke, or Flex’s perception of himself aging were not as common. Consequently the experience became less about riding it and we were able to talk and interact more freely. While the visual hallucinations were not as prominent the acid was still heavily sparking our minds. Beside the pool we spoke about God and dharma, and tattoos that we wanted. We sat down and talked about Jack Kerouac and what “beat” is.
<br>
<br>
As dawn began to make its circadian appearance we walked into a paddock to watch it. We each took a seat on a rock and saw the light begin to creep up the hill. The light chased away the blanket of darkness that had enveloped this Australian valley. In the dim dawn light a kangaroo walked by us. It stood a mere 15 meters away. It paused looking around while balanced on its hind legs. It seemed able to sense our presence if not see us.
<br>
<br>
It stretched itself out and scratched its stomach with its claws and ate some grass. I coughed and it looked straight at us. It was an odd moment where for ten minutes Flex and I stared at this beautiful creature. Eventually it bounded away. All through our vision specks of light roared into life and receded, and I still sometimes flashed into a cartoonish view of the world. As the light crept up the hill and shifted the colours around it, I knew that it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. After that we wandered around the newly lit gully and enjoyed its vibrancy. The morning light obscured much of the visuals. While the world we saw was much brighter we did not see many actual visual effects of the LSD, this late stage of the trip was simply watching the effects diminish. We prepared a breakfast of fried homegrown tomatoes. Flex wanted to go to the tomato patch in his socks to which I simply replied, “Put on some crocs, we’re not animals.”
<br>
<br>
We ate with gusto and then watched part of ‘Finding Nemo’ eventually we both fell asleep at around eight and woke up at twelve. At the end of the experience I felt incredibly refreshed and can only look back at the acid trip as an enriching and enjoyable experience.
<br>
<br>
There is a habit for people into psychedelics to believe that “everyone should experience this.” I have no illusions about psychedelics; they can create a kind of intellectual narcissism in those that don’t question the new perspectives they are shown. They simply know that not everyone who has used them has experienced it, so feel like they’ve been bestowed with some kind of unique insight. Psychedelics are an interesting and useful tool for many people, but should always be reflected upon and certainly not unquestioningly praised. Rather they should be treated as all drugs are respected and understood. I understand that what’s helpful for me, isn’t necessarily helpful for everyone and it’s a personal decision to try drugs. With that in mind I would say that this use of LSD was probably the most enriching and enjoyable experience I’ve had with psychedelics and am extremely glad that I could have these experiences, though would urge others to evaluate for themselves if they wish to try it.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 99314</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 26, 2017</td><td>Views: 1,974</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=99314&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=99314&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">63 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I believe that it is the most simple and obvious feelings and experiences that are the most difficult to describe to others, and this is an attempt to do just that. I don´t think that I possess the poetic skill necessary to do the memory of my so called trip justice, but as I´m unable to find any story quite like mine, I feel obligated (most of all toward myself) to give it a shot.
<br>
<br>
Let me begin with saying that I had around 5 to 10 experiences with LSD prior to this one, and that I never was far from praising the drug for the intense beauty, warmth and love that I had come to intimately associate with it. Only the one mild trip I had taken just before this one had any implications of the nightmarish potency of it that I had been completely ignorant of to that point, and that experience I had reason to blame on setting and company. This time, however, I was in the good company of my girlfriend and two other friends that I felt I could trust.
<br>
<br>
We had decided to go on a trip to my aunt's cabin in the forrest for a few days, and me and my friend R could not think of any better way of enjoying this beautiful lakeside setting than tripping in it. We also felt this would be a good opportunity for us to introduce our girlfriends to our drug of choice. So the day after we arrived, me and R each had four sugar cube hits of the same acid from the previous trip, and the girls shared the remaining four.
<br>
<br>
It all started out just great, and as I felt the initial muscular tensions told me that this trip might be slightly stronger than what I was used to, I enjoyed the company of my friends and prepared myself for the trip of a lifetime.
<br>
<br>
The first one or two hours brought on the vivid, colorful hallucinations that I had come to love, and me and my girlfriend were performing some strange contact dance on the porch of the house, in what we both felt might be the most intimate physical connection of our lives up to that point. We where climbing around on each other like monkeys, and it was great, if (naturally) maybe a bit to intense to fully comprehend. Then the complicated part of the trip started.
<br>
<br>
I can´t say for certain how it began to shift. As it was more than one year ago now I cannot recall the entire series of events with complete clarity, but it had something to do with language and how I communicated with the others. Since my friends were of other nationalities than myself, we spoke english amongst each other. I had also developed the habit of thinking to myself in english, something that now began to puzzle me. I couldn´t help but feeling that this was in some way a sign that my identity had gone astray, and I thought to myself that I better start doing my inner monologue in my native tongue to somehow bring me 'back to myself'. As I tried harder and harder to do so, my ability to think clearly in any language at all started to fade, and at the same rate I lost my ability to communicate with the others. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">As I tried harder and harder to do so, my ability to think clearly in any language at all started to fade, and at the same rate I lost my ability to communicate with the others.</div></div> It was as if the more I though about myself, the further away my sense of identity would stride, and after some time of doing this I felt as if I was completely and irrevocably lost. There was simply no part of me that was truly 'me', and at this point I started to panic. I thought about different episodes of my life, stretching from the very early to the most recent, and it was as if I suddenly realized that I had always been some kind of social chameleon, adapting to - and feeding off of - the behavior and identities of others. There was simply something missing inside of me, and I thought myself to be forever lost and empty.
<br>
<br>
At this point I was overcome by a deep sense of guilt, and I started crying and apologizing to my friends for making them believe that I was a 'real' person that had actual emotions. I didn´t want them to waste any more of their love on me, a person that could be described as nothing else than a social black hole. For doing so I got nothing but concerned looks in return; the eyes of my friends seemed to be staring at me and through me at the same time as I to tell me 'we already know' or asking for this missing part of me. I realize now that my friends where deep inside their own trips as well and where unable to understand why I kept apologizing to them, but I could only get more paranoid.
<br>
<br>
All the visual effects of the drug where now gone, even though it was probably just three or four hours into the trip. I was overcome by a sense of absolute stillness and numbness. It was as if I had just come to the realization that I was nothing but a ghost, a creature unable to take part of the actual human world, and my panic grew even stronger. I took my girlfriend off to a separate room, as she was the only person I felt I was able to confide in. The two others appeared to me as if they had always known that I was not really human, and I even came to believe that they had only accepted my false friendship in order to go to my aunt's cabin. I sat on the floor with my face buried in her lap as I cried rivers and kept the apologies coming in an ever increasing flow, at the same time as I kept telling her that I loved her even though I was a no-being. And as I said above, this was her first experience with LSD. She was in complete loss of what to do with me, as she herself already was going through a difficult trip and couldn´t tell if I was being honest or just trying to mess with her. Realizing nothing of this, and instead feeling increasingly guilty about fooling such a beautiful creature into loving an empty shell, I started telling her that I wanted to change; that we together could build me up from scratch. At this point she did what was probably the only reasonable thing and left me alone. I was to paranoid about the other two that I was unable to leave the room and face their stares.
<br>
<br>
After sitting alone in that room for a while, considering if it might not be best to just kill myself and spare humanity my empty presence, I finally started coming down a bit. The panic slowly faded, but the sense of having lost myself or my identity sort of set in and became natural to me. It was now obvious that the acid had done nothing but reveal to me what had always been there - an empty hole where a self should have been. As I confronted my friends again their eyes were still telling me that they knew, and every word they spoke was a sort of confirming indication one way or another. It felt as if I was being toyed with by beings superior to me, as if they could see the parts of life that made it livable and I could not. It was the most lonely feeling I have ever had, and I felt it useless to try to talk about how I felt with anyone as it was already apparent to everyone around me, and talking about it would only make them even less interested in sharing my company.
<br>
<br>
It took me several months before I was able to talk to anyone but my girlfriend about what had happened, and this feeling still stalks me on and off. I realize now how little I knew of the potency of LSD and what it can do to you. I also realize that who you are is defined to you by what you do, and what you do is in turn defined by what you become, not the other way around.
<br>
<br>
I wish now that I would have been more careful playing with a powerful drug in the presence of the people that care the most for me, even though I´ve learned a lot from this nightmare. I have yet to have had a proper trip since this day, but somehow I feel as if I need to go 'back in there' to finally get rid of this awful paranoia.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 85641</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 31, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,296</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=85641&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=85641&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Relationships (44), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Ephenidine</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">20 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/methoxetamine/">Methoxetamine </a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:25</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">70 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">5-APDB</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">30 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cc/">2C-C</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">10 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/4_acetoxy_det/">4-AcO-DET</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">50 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">20 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/methoxetamine/">Methoxetamine </a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:40</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:15</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 7:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bump</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">vaporized</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 10:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">vaporized</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
So I guess a combination of this magnitude requires a bit of background. We were hosting a party at our house later that night. I was trying to decide how to alter myself for this one, considering I had altered myself in a special way for pretty much every single party we’ve hosted. Alluding to my effort to develop streamlined and specific applications in combining substances, I decided I was going to put together the 'perfect' party pill. I decided what qualities I wanted in the trip and what substances would guide that. I am most social and functional on the comedown of trips, so I figured I would take it as soon as I could so I would be in that state by the time the party started. Here is my rationale for each ingredient:
<br>
<br>
2C-C – A visual psychedelic with an interesting headspace but functional lucidity. Not too stimulating and not too much bodyload which is a plus.
<br>
<br>
4-AcO-DET – A deeper psychedelic to add a bit of that tryptamine depth and profoundness to the trip. I selected this one specifically because of its short duration.
<br>
<br>
5-APDB – An empathogen would be perfect for a social occasion of course, I decided to keep the dose low so I wouldn’t make too much of a fool of myself. I chose this over MDMA because it is less stimulating. In general I didn’t want to mix too many stimulating things together.
<br>
<br>
Ephenidine – Probably the most social/functional dissociatives I’ve taken, with strong visuals, euphoria, and psychedelia. It was relatively familiar at this point, and it would provide a sort of dissociative base from which to work from.
<br>
<br>
LSD – Shulgin describes 2C-D as ‘psychedelic tofu’, and I figured a bit of LSD would serve this purpose too. I had a half tab left over from when I split some last week so I decided to just throw it in one of the capsules (this was a very strong batch). It would provide a familiar and functional psychedelic base from which to operate.
<br>
<br>
MXE – I loveee MXE. This was added for its rush and its euphoria, and to amplify the general dissociation. I chose less stimulating substances for the other parts of the combo, so I figure I’d this this experience be powered by the stimulation of MXE.
<br>
<br>
The next thing to be considered was timing. All of these substances had a different length of come up and onset. Ephenidine and MXE took the longest, so I put those in the first capsule. 5-APDB had a slightly longer comeup than the psychedelics in my experience, so that came next. Lastly all the psychedelics. At this point I decided I wanted more MXE so I just added some more to this capsule instead of cracking the other one open. All of the capsules were filled with powdered ginger to combat nausea.
<br>
<br>
<span class="erowid-warning">[Erowid Note:
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]</span>
<br>
<br>
1st capsule (T0:00): 100 mg Ephenidine, 20 mg MXE
<br>
2nd capsule (T0:25): 70 mg 5-APDB
<br>
3rd capsule (T0:30): 30 mg 2C-C, 10 mg 4-AcO-DET, 50 ug LSD, 20 mg MXE
<br>
<br>
T0:00-Ingest first capsule. I am in math class right now, my last class of the day, and there is half an hour left. I don’t like doing drugs in school, but I had to get this started as soon as possible. I figured it would start to kick in a bit after I got home.
<br>
<br>
T0:25-Class ends, ingest second capsule as I leave the room.
<br>
<br>
T0:30-Ingest third capsule while walking home. Not feeling anything yet. Stop by the corner store and pick up some blunts.
<br>
<br>
T0:45-I’m home now. Our house is a wreck. I start cleaning by doing dishes and picking up the stuff that is littering every surface in our house. I can feel the dissociatives start to come on as I clean. It is this feeling of lifting and rising, of my weight slowly reeling away from my body. My roommate comes down to help clean. I feel a squirming in the pit of my stomach as the psychedelics begin to play. I flop down on a couch, it feels like my form is rushing along a rollercoaster, the wind slapping my face. I am sweaty and out of breath. I’ve really done it. The entire world seems to turn liquid as I begin to drift and wobble away. I confess to my roommate that I probably can’t help clean anymore. We talk for a bit, but I am struggling to understand what he’s talking about. I decide to go upstairs.
<br>
<br>
T1:00-I smoke a bit. The world begins to flash and come apart at the seams. Colorful lines begin to appear on every surface, twisting together and dancing their formless dance.There’s a tangle of incomprehensible rainbow forms that start to telescope and recede into infinity. My entire room looks like its shaking. Earlier that day, I took a test in organic chemistry. I am struggling in that class, so it’s been weighing on my mind quite a lot. Suddenly, the visuals shift to match the ball and stick depiction of organic molecules. Everything is overlaid by hexagons, shifting, rotating, switching and turning to represent stereochemical shifts in chirality, reactions and rearrangements of molecules, representations of some of the fundamental forces and properties that compose all things on this earth. My body feels like it’s been wiped with a cloth and smeared along glass. Or that my body has turned to putty and these great psychedelic invisible hands are twisting and turning, pinching and pulling and squeezing and smearing my form.
<br>
<br>
T1:20-I begin to fear for what I’ve gotten myself into. I do not feel grounded at all. What if I am still in this state when the party begins? I find myself adrift in an overwhelming and powerful confusion. All the drugs have kicked in, and it is almost like I can discern each one in this swirling maelstrom. But none of them are interacting with each other, rather they are all fighting and clawing for dominance of my headspace. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">But none of them are interacting with each other, rather they are all fighting and clawing for dominance of my headspace.</div></div> The dissociative kick comes in briefly, and I feel the river rush of MXE drag my form across the room. Then the melting, sinking, numbing weight of the ephenidine stops me in my tracks and sucks me into the floor. The 2C-C responds with a zap to fetch my attention, then straddles me across its framework of colored diamonds and hexagons. The acid cowers in the background, tossing itself ever so slightly into my periphery. The 4-AcO-DET smashes through the scene, dragging my mind into a different paradigm, blossoming violently. I pace my room in circles as I cycle through this, each drug taking its turn to ravage me in its own separate way. The 5-APDB is the only one that hasn’t reached its full potential yet, and simply presents as a warm and sweaty discomfort that colors the whole experience with a sickly shade. I feel like I am filled with sand and the grains are sloshing around me with each movement. I feel like my sense of touch has turned into static, a rushing river of interference eviscerating and distorting every bit of stimulus I try to take in with my skin. The loss of ego that suddenly strikes me is profound. I am not a person, a functional being, or any recognizable iteration of humanity. I am a physical vessel of flesh, within which chemicals react, and upon which those chemicals act. I am but a reaction chamber that physically responds to what is being reacted within it.
<br>
<br>
T1:40-I am still pacing my room. I try to lie still on my bed and listen to music, but for the life of me I cannot keep still. It is like in this battle for my mind, the drugs are tossing my body about, inflicting collateral damage upon my restless and discomforted form. There is no sign of them coalescing, only the confusion of this absurd shattering of my existence. I decide to try drawing to ground myself. Whenever I sit down however, it feels like every bit of me is being dragged across the room and into the ceiling. Like some jet stream has taken me to pieces and sprayed them about. All I can draw is frantic scribbles and jagged lines. No forms, just my hand being dragged and tossed about by this unconquerable current. I am still thinking about molecules quite a lot. I imagine that my axis and my limbs have become chemical bonds, and each movement is the substituents of this parent chain twisting and moving about through space, forming different stereochemical isomers. Walking has become a baffling ordeal as I am forced to crawl around my room. I am being pinched and twisted into all variety of shapes.
<br>
<br>
T2:20-It feels like something has washed over me. Or rather, it feels like a great warm upwelling from within. The sun seems to shine brighter. The entire world suddenly shifts in tint and becomes anew. I think the 5-APDB has finally kicked in full force. All of these sparring forces within me are suddenly swept up by a flash flood and swirl together in its raging waters. It feels like everything has suddenly clicked into place. Each drug is a puzzle piece, and for the past hour these puzzle pieces have been twisting and rotating every which way, struggling to find out how to fit together, but to no avail. But at last. It seems as if they have finally found their correct orientation, and have enmeshed with one another into a glorious shining beacon of existence. I feel like I have hatched from a cocoon, I feel like I have metamorphosed into my glorious winged form. I am in party mode. Miraculously, I can walk again, although I am still a bit unsure on my feet. All I can do is smile and glow and radiate colors and light. I am so fucking glad. I feel fully functional and capable of doing anything, in fact I feel capable of doing more than anything. I rush downstairs and run into my backyard to bask in the sun’s beautiful glow.
<br>
<br>
T2:30-I feel so fucking euphoric. I am so proud of myself, that I ended up getting the exact desired effect from the cocktail that I put together. I feel so competent, like I’m a professional drug-doer or something. Whatever that means. It doesn’t matter I’m high as fuck. I want to tell everyone how great this is, this is reminiscent of that time I mixed MDMA with mushrooms and 25c.
<br>
<br>
T2:40-The first guest arrives. I greet him. I am really fucked up and he can tell. I thought I was functional, but I soon realize I am in no state to host a party. Whenever I sit down I sink into a well of colors that forms on the surface of whatever I am touching. The guy is pretty used to using hallucinogens so I don’t feel awkward or out of place being in this state. Conversing is awkward for me but he doesn’t seem to mind. We smoke more. Holding things is a strange feeling, as objects all feel so weightless.
<br>
<br>
T3:00-More people show up. All I can do is sit on a couch and zone out and stare at them as they seem distant. No use trying to talk. This is slightly worrisome, the party is beginning and I am in such a state of turmoil. Through frantic pacing and drinking a lot of water, I feel as though I can probably sufficiently sober myself up though. Every time I stand still or sit down however, it all comes rolling back and swamps me. Bright patterns adorn everything, and they are nice. My body is buzzing into numbness, and that is nice. I just don’t like the mental impairment that comes with the dissociatives and 5-APDB. It’s short term memory loss and slowed gummy thoughts, this makes conversing so difficult and awkward.
<br>
<br>
T4:00-Even more people have showed up. However, I am sufficiently down by now. I am relieved to have turned out okay just in time. I decide I will refrain from smoking for another hour just to make sure I don’t accidentally kick things up too hard.
<br>
<br>
T5:15-The time has come. I smoke. A lot. And it turns out okay, I just feel stoned. Somehow, the most acute effects of all the drugs seem to have completely passed. I am now just feeling slightly dissociated, and colors look brighter.
<br>
<br>
T7:00-My friend who has a lot of a lot of different drugs has been selling his wares in the basement. I am hanging out with him and decide to treat myself to a bump of ketamine. This does nothing more than give me a slight dizziness and wobbliness that lets me drift around the house like a ghost filled with sloshing water. I really only feel it in my body.
<br>
<br>
T8:00-He is also selling DMT, and has a vaporizer for it. I decide to hit some. It is the familiar DMT rush, and it is like the edges of my vision are bending inwards, a swirling pulsing cacophony of color at the fringes of everything. This is a nice effect to accentuate the state I’ve been in all night, but doesn’t last very long.
<br>
<br>
T10:00-Smoke more DMT up in my room. The party is winding down and people are just hanging out in my room, hotboxing it with DMT. I smoke more of it and all it really does is put me in a pleasant state of warping purple visuals and a warm rising body high.
<br>
<br>
T12:30-Go to bed finally.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108612</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 1, 2017</td><td>Views: 4,518</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108612&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108612&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">5-APDB (715), LSD (2), 4-AcO-DET (188), Methoxetamine (527), Ephenidine (689), DMT (18), 2C-C (262) : Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">250 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
LSD for Borderline Personality Disorder
<br>
<br>
While this is ostensibly an LSD report (because LSD is the only one that worked...), this is really more of a “tripping with Borderline Personality Disorder” report, sort of a general retrospective on my drug use generally and how it has impacted my mood disorder. I've had 80 or so LSD experiences, and 30-40 each with mushrooms, DMT, and MDMA, as well as a handful of experiences with Shulgin analogues, bridgesii cactus, 5-meo-dmt (ugh), and salvia (double ugh).
<br>
<br>
I’ve struggled with extreme emotions since puberty, only getting a Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis in my late 20s. The main symptoms are intense mood swings featuring sudden bursts of rage and overwhelming loneliness/hopelessness and a total inability to manage interpersonal relationships over the long haul. My life is kind of a shitshow, and I try to keep a lot of my friendships superficial. I’ve never been in a long term relationship and I hardly ever date. Spending time with people is incredibly frustrating for me, a lot of work with minimal pay-off (and no, I am not autistic).
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<br>
I have tried working with a half dozen different therapists over the last 7 years, have been practicing yoga for 12 years, and meditation for 5 or 6. It’s all been baby steps. None of it has a particularly profound effect.
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<br>
But LSD was different. The first time I took LSD in college (about 12 years ago), a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds of my mind and pierced my heart. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The first time I took LSD in college (about 12 years ago), a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds of my mind and pierced my heart.</div></div> I was never the same again. Friends and family all commented how different I seemed, how much more happy and full of life I seemed. Of course, eventually the sunshine faded, but knowing that it could exist changed my life forever. It was not my first trip, but it was the trip that cemented psychedelic use into my lifestyle.
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<br>
However, none of the psychedelics and psychoactives I have used compare to LSD, in terms of managing my BPD symptoms. Consistently, over the years, LSD has invariably been the most positive available experience to me (I don’t mean psychedelic experience here, I mean experience), and, if I get the dose right, LSD eliminates my symptoms for days afterwards, sometimes up to two weeks. And unlike many of the others I have used (<a href="/experiences/exp.php?ID=111230">looking at you MDMA</a>, and you too DMT), there is no crash as the symptoms suddenly and aggressively return five days later. With LSD, I am slowly and gently returned to baseline over a period of days without a shock to my system.
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<br>
There are a few catches (outside of the illegality and inconsistent availability of LSD).
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<br>
Most importantly, I have to get a high enough dose. I seem to need at least 250 ug. That’s obviously a ballpark figure, and while I know that it’s impossible to really know how many mics is on a sheet of street blotter, I’ve been eating this stuff and reading enough experience reports to feel comfortable making that guess. I have to get safely over a certain hurdle, to a place where the rigidness of my personality dissolves and my usual materialistic priorities seem hilariously misguided. I don’t necessarily have to be high-fiving God while trans-dimensional elves paint me with colors I’ve never seen before. I just need to snap out of my usual thought patterns, and (unless the blotter is strong) one or two tabs just doesn’t cut it. I don’t think I’ve ever taken more than 400 ug, and I’m very curious to find out what would happen if I did. I tend to err on the side of caution because I’ve never had an opportunity to take LSD with a sitter. I have, however, taken MDMA and a number of other psychedelics with a (bad) sitter, and it was terrible, verging on traumatizing. Maybe I’m better off flying solo. Anyway, if I don’t cross that threshold, the experience, while enjoyable, doesn’t really do me any favors. My symptoms come back pretty much as soon as the acid wears off (but not too aggressively, not like the legendary MDMA crash). But if I pass the threshold, I will feel fine for at least a week.
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<br>
The other catch is that it seems to work a bit better these days if I avoid cannabis use. Cannabis, while very synergistic with LSD, seems to exacerbate my BPD symptoms. I’ve had to give up using it, which I’m bummed about, but as much as I enjoy it, my life really is better without it. Without cannabis, my comedown and integration process actually tends to be more smooth.
<br>
<br>
Now, why LSD, and not mushrooms or DMT or any of the myriad of Shulgin drugs I’ve tried? I think there’s something relatively unique about LSD, regarding a factor I call “emotional immediacy.” With the tryptamines in particular, I feel like my emotions can really overwhelm me, getting up in my grill like the facehugger from the Alien movies. DMT is the gentlest in this regard, but mushrooms (as many experienced trippers know) can get pretty hairy, and 5-MeO-DMT is the most intense (for me) by far.
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<br>
Regarding phenethylamines, I have not had positive results. I have heard that many people find the phens less emotionally intense than the tryps, and while I can agree with that, they don’t really do anything at all for my BPD either, which means some of my phen trips go to some pretty dark places. Although 2C-I was alright, and I think that if I ever take a dose high enough to cross that ego threshold I mentioned with 2C-B, perhaps something powerful and beneficial could happen there.
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<br>
On the other hand, when I take LSD, I feel like all of my emotions are at a comfortable remove. I don’t have to feel any of them any more than is comfortable. If I need to step back from an emotion, I can. If I want to step deeper into an emotion, I can. It’s a wonderful freedom, and it’s a freedom I don’t have when I’m sober, or under the influence of almost any other drug. While in the LSD headspace, I am much more open to hearing constructive criticism, and can think objectively about my situation and my behavior (unlike MDMA, which revs up my ego defenses to a disturbing degree). With LSD, I can actually be honest and authentic, instead of neurotic and evasive (again, unlike MDMA, which makes me even more dishonest than when I’m sober). I think it is this quality of emotional distance that makes LSD particularly useful for treating my BPD. The feeling of being comfortably removed from my emotions lingers long, long after the drug itself is out of my system. For me, it’s the most ideal therapy tool that I’ve ever come across, and someday I hope to work with a (good) psychedelic therapist who can help me use LSD to make real progress with my issues.
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<br>
I’m just one guy, and this is just my experience. But I think perhaps someday LSD could be recognized as the best treatment for BPD, the same way MDMA is being looked at as the best treatment for PTSD.
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<br>
Also, (close your ears and run away kids, it's grandpa's lecture time) I think it’s important <!--for more erowid submitters--> to write long-term retrospectives, especially when it comes to dealing with mood disorders or other health issues. I am getting really really tired of reading reports that contain some variation on the phrase “It’s the next day, and as I’m writing this, I still feel great!” Yeah, dude, of course you do. Give it five days. Give it two weeks. Give it a month. Then write the report! I can’t help but wonder how many of these dozens, if not hundreds, of people felt like total garbage three days after writing their report about how their “life is forever changed!” And how many of them went right back into their bad habits, and how many of them didn’t realize they had gone right into their bad habits.
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<br>
There is far too much silver bullet talk in this community, and not enough talk about how psychedelics can help people develop better coping skills, but only if those people put in the time and effort to really integrate those coping skills. As much as I’d like to see psychedelic medicine legitimized, we are only hurting our cause by singing the praises of psychedelic healing while living as hypocrites. Life is hard, and life with a mood disorder (or any other health problem) is even harder. It sucks, but that’s the life that’s in front of us, and we don’t do ourselves or our community any favors by exaggerating or sugar coating the truth. These drugs are remarkable, but they’re not miracle cures.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111231</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 32</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 14, 2017</td><td>Views: 8,620</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111231&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111231&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Health Benefits (32), Unknown Context (20)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">175 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
The year was 1982. A good friend of mine procured some blotter acid for me. I had used LSD in the early seventies several times. I was intensely involved in kundalini yoga and zen (zazen) type meditation for 2 years before the experience.
<br>
<br>
The dose of LSD was no more than 100-150 ug. I took the small dose and rode my bicycle to a nearby golf course. It was mid July, and the weather was clear and sunny. I played with a frisbee and ran for about thirty minutes, then decided the LSD effect was becoming prominent, so I sat beneath a large tree and began to meditate.
<br>
<br>
As I was meditating and watching the thoughts come and go, a thought which said ' the Buddha talked about the importance of faith...'
<br>
<br>
Immediately my awareness moved into a 'no mind' state... the last thought I had was: 'this is completely different'. The eternal infinite bliss beyond existence and non-existence- the transcendent One--it is complete. Happiness and unalloyed bliss.
<br>
<br>
In clock time, I don't know how long, but as I was reintroduced to my mind I saw clearly how my mind was presenting reality to me. From the Inside, we are all living in our own karmically generated reality. The illusion is that it is 'real' or definite. In truth there is only the One. It felt and seemed like I had just been born. I sat there until almost dusk, then returned home by bicycle.
<br>
<br>
It seems I have been slowly integrating this experience for 33 years-- it remains a powerful memory in my mind even today.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1982</td><td width="90">ExpID: 106408</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 31</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 15, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,900</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=106408&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=106408&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Meditation (128) : Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
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</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">220 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
What follows is an account of an LSD experience I had over ten years ago. As such, it suffers from the obvious drawback of not being fresh in my memory. Undoubtedly many details, both qualitative and chronological, I have forgotten. I did not take notes during my experience nor even soon after it. Nor did I particularly make an effort to talk about the experience with other people, although I did offer my impressions on a few occasions, to friends and family. Bluntly, the following account is incomplete, though I believe it remains valid and worthwhile, as it presents the true highlights of the experience, the things that have persisted in my memory by virtue of their own natural persistence.
<br>
<br>
It was in October 2001. A Halloween party was going to take place at a nearby college, which some friends of mine attended at the time. Before this whole shebang took place, someone offered to get me LSD via a dealer whom I never actually saw. I got one hit (blotter). Several other people I knew got hits from this same source. I had never taken LSD before, and I didn't know what the dosage was, but after the party was over, the people who had some previous familiarity with LSD testified that the hits we got were quite strong. (And having taking LSD a few times since this occasion, I can now testify that myself, too.) I had virtually no scholarly knowledge of LSD whatsoever. My intention was simply to have fun, and my confidence came from the trust in the people around me. I made sure I was in a wakeful, positive mindset before dosing, but I made no specific preparations beforehand.
<br>
<br>
I took my hit early in the evening, while it was still light and before many people had arrived. For a while, nothing of note happened, as I ambled around the campus greeting various people and well-wishing them and so forth. I should note: nobody present that evening was a particularly close or long-time friend of mine, with the exception of my older brother. So I think there was a certain detachment on my part with regard to the whole scenario. One other thing I should mention: I smoked a great deal of very strong marijuana intermittently throughout the evening.
<br>
<br>
Roughly an hour after dosing, I was lounging in a dorm room with about five young people who had also dosed. We were sitting roughly in a circle. I recall my mind drifting into a pleasant, unobtrusive daydream. I recall mostly silence but no trace of awkwardness. Then I recall us all swiveling our heads around in a sort of yogic fashion. I recall spontaneous, childlike laughter. After a while, Kyle (name changed) arose and we all spontaneously followed him out the door, gently laughing. This pattern of getting up and following Kyle for no apparent reason was to happen a couple other times later in the evening; it was a sort of inside joke of the trip. As this was a Halloween party, Kyle had on a rather ridiculous cape, and I suppose that's why we took to following him.
<br>
<br>
Walking in a group toward the less-crowded part of the campus, I could feel some novel, unidentifiable feeling welling up inside me. The world was feeling more and more like something from a dream or a video game. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The world was feeling more and more like something from a dream or a video game.</div></div> I don't mean I was hallucinating; I mean I was perceiving a kind of brightness and a kind of excitement at the swiftness of my own movements and the movements of others. Tripping was paradoxically dazzlingly new and comfortably familiar at the same time.
<br>
<br>
I recall looking at ivy on a wall, beholding its color and vibrancy, and being convinced that I was actually seeing its life, its living essence, as surely as I saw that it was green. I also recall closing my eyes and seeing hallucinations -- brightly colored, gently shifting kaleidoscopic patterns. When my eyes were open, there was a general sharpness and vividness to everything. Walls that were richly textured even gave the illusion of movement, like calmly meandering whirlpools. None of the visual imagery brought on by the LSD was even remotely unpleasant. Prior to tripping, I had been very afraid that it might be unpleasant. My fear fell away. My social anxiety fell away. I arrived at the notion that I had been sleepwalking my whole life and was now awake. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I arrived at the notion that I had been sleepwalking my whole life and was now awake.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
At some point, I separated from the group. Then, walking in peaceful solitude in a sparsely-wooded field, it struck me that I didn't really know the campus very well, and that I might have wandered off into some outlying neighborhood adjacent to the campus. I hadn't -- but I saw people on picnic tables in the distance and suddenly became worried that they might be poor people intent on robbing me. It's been said that paranoia strikes deep. It did indeed strike me deeply then and there. I turned around and ran, my heart pounding. I was only running a few seconds, but I was being flooded with fear and artificial urgency. I spotted the shallow brick wall beyond which lay the dorms. As I jumped the wall, my fear subsided and my body relaxed, but a sudden idea lit up my mind like an explosion. It was the idea of an escaped lab mouse being chased by a hawk and running back to the safety of his lab cage.
<br>
<br>
Another engaging but less disturbing idea came to me as I was pushing my way through the crowded courtyard near the dorms. The party was in full swing, and the courtyard more than anywhere else was dense with intoxicated, costumed, raving, flailing dancers. In my t-shirt and jeans, my bloodstream heavily laden with LSD by now, bumping my way past all these debauched strangers, I felt very suddenly and strongly that I was like Jonah in the belly of the great fish. I had read the book of Jonah before, but still -- why Jonah? Jonah was called to prophesy, I thought. And he didn't want to go. Still -- why Jonah? The idea was too powerful to dismiss, yet I didn't quite understand it.
<br>
<br>
Back in my brother's dorm room, I wanted to get away from my own mind, so to speak. I sat down at the computer to listen to music. When I looked at the monitor, I felt a very cold, metallic sensation gripping my body. I was a little shocked, but I quickly overcame this and began looking through the mp3s. I settled on one of my favorite bands: Joy Division. (Joy Division was a British punk-rock band from the late 1970s, often credited as being the first goth-rock band.)
<br>
<br>
Sitting there in the comfortable chair, listening to the simple rhythms, I became introspective. I believe there were other people in the room with me or on the balcony, but I had so thoroughly tuned them out that it didn't matter. On LSD, I was very surprised at my ability to tune out peripheral events, because I had expected LSD to make that harder rather than easier. At any rate the people there weren't trying to bother me. So my trip turned inward. I thought about my own life. At that time, I was strongly considering getting a degree in computer science and hopefully getting a job as a programmer. I started to view this decision as a small, insignificant decision -- not a bad decision, just a small decision. I considered that a person's occupation should not define him, and that the real, important work in life is to be righteous. Joy Division pounded and strummed along in the background... but I largely tuned them out.
<br>
<br>
I thought about the mysterious nature of my own soul. A human soul has such beauty, grace, complexity, and integrity to be able to coordinate all its elements, all its ambition, compassion, memories, affinities, hopes, and fears. Furthermore a soul animates a material body which is itself bewilderingly multifaceted. Yet the soul is undivided. The soul cannot divide itself into two souls, nor can it merge with another soul. The soul simply is. I thought, to believe the soul is confined to this one human life is utterly laughable. I felt a palpable conviction in reincarnation. At the time I had no familiarity with reincarnation research, although I certainly had an interest in religions. All of a sudden I was convinced that my awareness stretched infinitely backwards and forwards in time. For one thing, how else could I explain the nagging familiarity of the LSD experience? It was a new experience, yet it resonated with something deep in my soul. As I sat there in awe of the insights I was being given through no effort of my own, something very peculiar bubbled to the surface. It was the idea that I had made some vow, some commitment far in the past, that I hadn't fulfilled yet. This commitment was some grand, overarching, heroic task of uniting all society under a common purpose and a common God. In other words, I was supposed to save the world somehow.
<br>
<br>
Logically I understood that I had never made any such commitment, but the problem being addressed in my mind, the problem of disharmony, disunity, disinformation, and miscommunication in society, was all too real, and I asked myself, 'How are you going to solve this?'
<br>
<br>
The computer's playlist had by this time made its way to a live recording of the Joy Division song 'Novelty.' The clarity of sound on LSD is truly extraordinary and, as far as I know, not achievable by any other means. From the cheap computer speakers, lyricist and singer Ian Curtis delivered his vocals with an astonishingly lifelike presence. Like some enraged public defender in a courtroom, he yelled the line, 'You slap our backs and pretend you knew about all the things that were gonna do.' At that moment, tears flooded my head and I laughed out loud. It was indescribable. The tears were undeniably and overwhelmingly tears of joy and not sadness, but it must be said that I did feel some degree of fear.
<br>
<br>
That was somewhere in the middle of the trip. As the night wore on and the LSD slowly wore off, I settled down, became less emotional, and resigned myself to the simple pleasure of staring at my own hands. I saw them as works of art. Gradually, however, fascination gave way to boredom as the trip came to a close; I wanted to sleep but couldn't. I wish I could say that the trip ended as elegantly as it had peaked, but by the time the sun came up, I was quite restless and grumpy. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I wish I could say that the trip ended as elegantly as it had peaked, but by the time the sun came up, I was quite restless and grumpy.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
Had I been more conscientious about my first trip, I would certainly not have tripped at a crowded party, nor would I have started late in the evening. But considering the circumstances, I was blessed with a very uplifting first acid trip. I had set out to have fun, and I did. Nevertheless, I look back on the experience as inspiration more than recreation, and I have come to understand the inspirational message as follows. (1.) Don't fear change, even if change takes the form of death. (2.) Value communication.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2001</td><td width="90">ExpID: 94089</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 18, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,304</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=94089&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=94089&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Large Party (54)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">205 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I live in a town where not a whole lot goes on. It’s a dead valley with hot summers and cold winters and there isn’t really anything to do. Most kids my age find enjoyment in this valley resorting to drugs, alcohol and partying.
<br>
<br>
When DMT became available to me through one of my friends I was anxious to try it. I had never tried a hallucinogen before and I had planned on taking acid one random weekday during my spring break. My friend and I were on my couch downstairs watching tv, waiting for my acid to kick in. It had been exactly an hour since I dropped my two tabs. 4:15 they went in and 5:10 on my couch he looked at me and asked me if I wanted to smoke DMT. I said no, but the tabs had dissolved by that time and we were now waiting for my acid trip to begin. He said if I smoked weed with my acid it would make my trip intense. I thanked him for the free bowl and let him pack it.
<br>
<br>
He loaded our bong with a base of weed and sprinkled DMT on top, then packed some more weed on top to cover it up. Not really feeling too nervous, more excited to enhance my trip actually, I took the hit. I killed the bowl entirely and held it in. Little did I know until I held the hit did he pack two and a half doses of DMT into that bowl, I had wondered why the taste was so bitter and had gotten such a harsh hit.
<br>
<br>
Within milliseconds I began to experience a tingling sensation throughout my entire body. The world around me turned extremely bright almost as if to turn the brightness setting on a tv all the way up. The volume of life became so high that it turned to just noise and I couldn’t even make out what I was hearing. I finally breathed out. The world turned darker than before I had smoked as my breath left my body. I felt it extend outward as if the air was attached to my lungs in some sort of way. It was almost impossible to breathe and honestly I don’t remember doing it. I looked around the room and watched objects magnify and furniture distort and disappear. Then I remembered I had the bong in my hand and I put it on my coffee table. From this point the entire world around me turned many different shades of the color red. This is where my nightmare began.
<br>
<br>
I thought I had smashed the bong on my table and cut my hand open as I felt a very warm liquid on my hand with the bong as I placed it on the table. I went immediately to look at my hand and I watched my fingers disappear from my hand. Then I watched my feet disappear from my legs, then my arm from my body. I freaked out and started to feel parts of my body to see if they were still there. I touched my chest, my arm and then my leg. My friend stood up at this point and asked me what the hell I was doing and this only made everything worse. I actually thought I had ripped the limbs off of my body and peeled flesh away from bone. At this point I literally accepted death because I thought I was dying. I thought I had ripped my skin and body parts off because I was tripping so hard. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I thought I had ripped my skin and body parts off because I was tripping so hard.</div></div> Then I blacked out and remember looking at my friend while I was sitting in the same place on my couch. I couldn’t move and felt like every bone in my body was broken. I thought I was dead and that I could see the world around me still. Looking around I realized I was tripping harder than I ever imagined I could. Shapes that I couldn’t draw or explain were floating in midair. Every material thing inside my house disassembled and floated in midair. My tv screen zoomed out at me and took over my entire field of vision. I just wanted it to be over at this point. I wanted to wake up.
<br>
<br>
I looked at my hand again remembering how I thought I smashed the bong and saw my watch was a snake so I took it off. I took my wallet and phone out of my pockets too and placed them on the table and took my shoes off and sat down. I then asked my friend if everything was okay. He said yes. I asked if I broke the bong. He said no. I asked if I spilled bongwater. He said no. I asked how long it had been. He said one minute and fifteen seconds.
<br>
<br>
I then looked outside and thought if anything I wanted to be where it was bright and shiny, where I could see the sun and try to be happy. I put my watch and shoes back on and then took my phone and wallet and walked outside into my backyard. My shins felt like they weren’t there and every step I took was like walking on water, the ground became distorted and almost goo like where ever I placed my feet. Still peaking I walked outside and sat down in a chair around my table. He followed me out and we sat outside while I looked at the still extremely insane yet mild hallucinogens compared to what I had seen while inside on my couch. Looking up at the sky I couldn’t tell whether it was cloudy or sunny all I know was it was brighter outside. I asked him what I did and he told me I was calm and breathing just fine the entire time. I had no fast sudden movements and didn’t seem as if in a panic at all. I talked just fine and seemed close to perfectly normal. At this point every brick on my brick wall was a tiki head and they were all talking to me. I was ready for the hallucinations to be over. I wanted to wake up from my horrible nightmare but time was the only thing that would help. I asked him at this point how long it had been and he said two minutes and thirty seconds.
<br>
<br>
As my friend finished his cigarette we walked back inside and upstairs to chill and watch some tv. I don’t remember the next twenty seven and a half minutes of my life.
<br>
<br>
I do remember each horrible visual I witnessed, each feeling I had, the sound of life during my nightmare, and most of all my acceptance of death. I had relived this nightmare every single night for about two months straight and even experienced another dream that recalled every same feeling I had while on DMT only in a different nightmare.
<br>
<br>
Insomnia and paranoia followed for a very long time as well. I didn’t sleep for that night, and got about four or so hours of sleep for every night after that until about a month ago. I began to become a captive in my room because I was afraid that if I opened doors I wouldn’t find behind them what I thought was really there. I didn’t sit in that same place on my couch for the next day.
<br>
<br>
I don’t recommend this substance at all. It was and might remain the most horrible and terrifying experience of my entire life. The visuals I can’t explain to anyone and no words even come close. The feeling of acceptance of death hasn’t gone away and I remember it completely. When I had heard you die on DMT and come back to life, I didn’t know it would be in that way…<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 91136</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 16</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 28, 2017</td><td>Views: 7,734</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=91136&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=91136&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), DMT (18) : Combinations (3), Health Problems (27), Hangover / Days After (46), Post Trip Problems (8), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Vitamins / Supplements</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">120 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:20</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">50 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">20 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cb/">2C-B</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Above and Beyond at Above and Beyond Concert
<br>
<br>
Start Time 8:30pm
<br>
T+0 120mg MDMA
<br>
T+20 0.5 blotter LSD (unknown dosage)
<br>
T+ 1:00 50mg MDMA
<br>
T+ 5:30 20mg 2C-B
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I should preface this with a little disclaimer about myself. I'm 22, and pretty inexperienced with drugs, I smoke weed every now and then, usually about twice a month, sometimes more. I drink fairly often, most weeks I find a day to partake, but I seldom drink otherwise, a glass of wine or beer with dinner if it's a special occasion or social event. Other than that I haven't taken much in the way of mind altering substances, I've taken ketamine once, MDMA three times before tonight, and mushrooms once. This trip would mark the first time I've tried LSD and 2C-B, and my first time at a proper rave-type setting. One thing I have learned about myself in my very short experience with psychedelics is that I am very sensitive to drugs <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">One thing I have learned about myself in my very short experience with psychedelics is that I am very sensitive to drugs</div></div>, and often have different experiences than people taking the same drug in the same amounts as me.
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I've been working all day, and I'm ready to go to this concert, I started the morning with Coenzyme q10, vitamin E and ALA, and took another of each of those right before leaving to the concert along with magnesium, vitamin C, quercetin and a big gulp of grapefruit juice to wash it all down. I'm with three friends, Double M, Moo, and K. K doubles down on acid for the concert, and decides to only take 100mg of MDMA, Moo is doing the exact same thing as me except he's doing 180mg of MDMA total, and double M is going for a pure MDMA only experience at 170mg.
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On the bus to the concert, we all take our first 120mg dose, except for K, who only takes 50. as we get off the bus and start walking to the concert, Moo and I split a blotter of acid and place it under our tongues. The night is so far just like any other, except for the intense feeling of anticipation in all our stomachs.
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As soon as I get in, I feel the bass from the show, and MDMA begins to trickle into my brain, everything is awesome and only getting more awesome. I push to the front of the crowd and dance my heart out and with every beat I feel better and better. After enjoying some epic bass drops and probably doing some damage to my ears, I retreat to the back of the crowd and find my friends, we text Double M to meet us at our predetermined meeting spot, and we all take our second dose, 50mg for K, Double M and I, and a 60mg cap for Moo.
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Overall, the MDMA experience was very nice, but it wasn't as much fun as my other three MDMA experiences, and I think it was the fault of the crowd at this particular concert. Too many douchebags and people who, in my opinion, are misusing MDMA, combining it with alcohol and using it to enhance sex, rather than enhance love, friendship, and most importantly the music we all paid to listen to. This isn't to say I didn't have an amazing time, having a 90 out of 100 experience instead of 98 out of 100 is still an awesome night, but those 8 points are missed, no use crying over spilt milk though.
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The concert ended at 1am, my roll was coming to an end, and Above and Beyond had rocked my world with some epic tunes. I popped 20mg of 2c-b and went to find Moo and K, who were also partaking in the 2c-b. Less than five minutes later, I've found everyone and we've all dosed, Double M showed up and we had an awesome dance to close the concert. We've all had an amazing time, which we talk about all the way to the convenience store, but the lineup was too long, so we head to the next one. After walking for a long time and passing many closed stores, we finally find an open store and we get some powerade and snacks. I've begun to feel the 2c-b at this point; everything seems familiar even though I've never been to this part of town, and I keep thinking I'm on the street where I lived in my childhood. I get a light case of the giggles, and this entertains everyone else, and then the 2c-b really hits.
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We cross the street to get to the bus stop, and a couple metres before the glass canopy of the stop I suddenly feel amazing. Every fiber of my body begins feeling intense pleasure, my balls tighten up, and I feel like I'm having an orgasm. Looking back I should feel lucky that I didn't actually cum in my pants, that would have not been fun, I only had the sensation of cumming. I am forced to walk in slow-motion to avoid the immense overwhelming pleasure of any and all muscle contractions. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I am forced to walk in slow-motion to avoid the immense overwhelming pleasure of any and all muscle contractions.</div></div> Walking in slow-motion helps turn the constant orgasmic pleasure down to a gentle stream, whereas walking at normal speed wracks my body with a deluge of pleasure which forces me to stop as every muscle in my body contracts with joy and pleasure.
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Once the bus comes I try and contain myself to avoid arousing suspicion, but every time the bus accelerates or brakes the feeling of inertia throws my body into orgasmic bliss and it takes a herculean effort not to moan with pleasure. We're on the wrong bus so we hop out and try and flag a cab. K is making sure I'm alright, and explaining to him that I actually feel amazing takes all my remaining strength but reassures the group I'm not having a bad reaction or overdose. Once in the cab I close my eyes to avoid alerting the driver that I'm tripping balls and cumming with every single sensation, that's when I notice the insane closed eye visuals. I'm in the middle seat and the fractal kaleidoscopic visions include my two friends sitting on either side of me as pools of energy which pour colour into my visions from their real world positions, very trippy. Opening my eyes I'm always slightly surprised to find I'm in the same spot as when I closed them, and I don't recognize the streets to my house. I get out of the cab, still cumming, and slow motion walk towards my house with the group, K is with me and Double M and Moo are ahead. My house is only 50m ahead, but at the rate I'm walking, it's going to take at least 45 minutes to get there. K begins to worry a bit, but both him and Moo took the exact same amount as me and aren't feeling it the same way at all, so he isn't terribly worried.
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K did notice that my body temperature was very high, and my skin was very hot, so I take of my jacket, blazer and t shirt to cool off. K then places his cold hand on my body to feel how hot I am, this sensation of cold hand on my torso causes a huge spike in the deluge of pleasure and sends me to my knees as I physically can't support myself. A few seconds of insane pleasure pass by and I manage to get back on my feet and continue slow motion walking towards my house. K decides he has had enough of waiting and picks me up and carries me home, now I've had some intense orgasms, but being carried through the cold air, with my skin against K's jacket was outrageous, he puts me down closer to my house, but I keep slow motion walking so he picks me up again and carries me the rest of the way brushing past a bush on the way which takes me to a new plateau of absurd pleasure.
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Finally inside, I make my way to the couch to sit down and try to stay still and get some respite from this now hour-long orgasm. During that little trip the one scary part of the night occurred, I bumped my head against a wall as I was walking and I felt no pain, just a strange dull sensation and then pleasure, I got briefly worried I might do something incredibly dumb, but I had my friends around, so I felt safe. The process of sitting down on the couch took at least 5 full minutes, every time a new part of my body touched the soft couch I would be sent into the stratosphere of pleasure. Once I settled down I managed to take stock of my surroundings and examine my situation. I was still quite lucid during this time, the extreme pleasure prevented me from communicating effectively, but I felt very much in control of my body and mind. I tried to communicate how I felt to Moo and K at this point, and I described the feeling like getting a blow job from god, I'm not sure I would describe it that way sober, but I bet if god exists and he gave you a blow job, it would feel pretty damn good, a three hour orgasm could easily be the result. Looking around the room, Double M had fallen asleep opposite me, she had only taken MDMA and was definitely tired from the concert, Moo and K were still up and feeling mild effects from the acid and 2c-b but nowhere close to what I was going through. I heard Moo and K talking about googling symptoms of 2c-b overdose, and a few minutes later, talking about how good it was that I had none of the symptoms.
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I calmed my body down enough to subdue the orgasm to a faint trickle of pleasure coming from the feeling of the air on my skin, but a quick glance over to Moo and K brought me right back up. I could feel each muscle fiber behind my eyes firing and bringing my eyeballs around to look at them, and the sensation of glancing over sent me right back into the orgasm, the twitching from the orgasm sent me higher and higher, and just when I thought I could control it, my cat brushed against my leg, and sent me to the moon. I believe it was at this point, probably around 3 am or so, that I was peaking and anything and everything was setting me off, K said something and just the feeling of the sound in my ears made me feel amazing. I had a water bottle in my hand which I must have squeezed when I was in the throes of the 2c-b powered orgasm, when the bottle popped back into shape, the sound of the pop and the feeling in my hand cause waves of orgasmic pleasure to race through my body, the waves meeting and bouncing around throughout me.
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I spend another hour on the couch overcome with pleasure and I decide I really need some sleep, I get up and slow motion walk to a bed and slide into the covers, a feeling which produced so much pleasure I doubted if I would sleep at all that night, trapped in an endless orgasm. I managed to control myself and fell asleep after an indeterminable amount of time, finally escaping the multi-hour orgasm that had grown tiresome.
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I woke up feeling pretty frazzled and went with Moo to mcdonalds to grab some breakfast, Double M and K had already gone home, I was definitely still feeling it, no visuals but definitely really good body feelings. Biting into a warm hash brown produced a pretty intense feeling of pleasure, but nothing I couldn't handle after a night of pretty much constant orgasms. Moo and I head our separate ways, I take some L-glutamine and 5-HTP and take a short nap, I smoke a tiny bit of weed and take my dog for a walk. Upon returning, I feel like I'm almost all the way back to normal and a few more hours of internet browsing and housework I feel fine except for the slight nagging serotonin depletion from the MDMA, I text a girl I know and get some quality time in bed with her which brings me all the way back to baseline. The only remnants from the night before are now the awesome memories and soreness in every muscle from the MDMA-fuelled dancing and the 2c-b powered mega orgasm.
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Upon reflection I think the LSD played a subtle but very important role in the experience, I thought I didn't feel it all night, but the beginning of the orgasm and when the acid should have been peaking coincide nicely. I am led to believe that the LSD contributed to the 2c-b madness but I'm not really sure how, I need to try each of those substances individually so I can figure out the effects of each.
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My hangover was mildly pleasant the first day after, a bit of afterglow with an increased interest in objects and nature, colours seemed ever so slightly brighter and my mind felt a little confused but clean. The second day I feel the negative hangover, the lack of serotonin causing apathy and a general nagging malaise that clouds whatever I want to do. I find I have an increased interest in symmetry, drawing symmetrical figures and patterns all over my notebooks during class, which is odd considering how rarely I draw anything other than cubes or squiggles in the margins.
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I feel a long break is in order between now and any experiences like this one, my brain is a little fried and I don't feel going to class in this state is a good thing, so until the summer rolls around I will not be trying another epic night like this.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 99283</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 4, 2018</td><td>Views: 3,764</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=99283&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=99283&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 2C-B (52), MDMA (3) : Glowing Experiences (4), General (1), Hangover / Days After (46), Combinations (3), Various (28)</td></tr>
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</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">.5 bowls</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">175 lb</td>
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</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Hello Friends. After four years, and many other voyages into psychedelic wonder, I'm going to tell those to whom it may concern about my first experience with LSD. Here goes. It was a dark and snowy night in my humble abode by the river. After repeatedly mentioning my interest in LSD over a year or so, my druggist (I'll call him Sunny) came over with the goods. Ten colorful hits of blotter in the cutest little 1/2' single hit ziplocks and some Blueberry Afghani Hash Plant. I tried to stay calm, but deep down I knew I hadn't the faintest Idea what to expect. It was 9:30 PM by the time we ate our paper. I started off with one hit and Sunny (I believe) had two. No turning back... this excited me. You see, if anything fascinates me in this world, it's the unknown, and personal revelations that challenge what's socially accepted and/or lawful (as well as physically/mentally/spiritually possible). I played the waiting game for 45 minutes before deciding maybe it was weak material, and I took another hit on Sunny's suggestion. Not long after (10-15 min), I started feeling the 'rising vibes'. Chills, shivers, and an unexplainable inner expansion. Fiddling around with my iPhone, the icons began to bounce around and dance lightly as I stared in amazement. Knowing that the effects I was feeling were only the onset of the first hit caused an excitement that still gives me chills. What was I in for when the second dose took effect? What would happen during the PEAK? This was around the time my two roommates and another friend left the house, uncomfortable with the thought of spending hours on end with a couple of dosed dudes. I don't blame them. They don't experiment with substances that may affect the boundaries of what goes through their minds. Their loss, though upon reflection, we may have been better off with a sober sitter or two.
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So, Sunny and I were now alone. I had mixed feelings about this. Sunny had buttloads of experience with LSD which calmed me, but he was also known to be quite immature, and a wild party animal, and I really didn't know what acid would do to two dudes cooped up alone. These sorts of thoughts started running through my mind. Considering all the infinite possibilities led to uncertainty, but the further along we were, the more I put my trust in Sunny to know what was good for me 'My first time on acid' (in quotations because this phrase was a repeated theme for us). This trust would be challenged and twisted, and thoughts of betrayal caused the most unsettling times of the night. Sunny suggested that it might not be a bad idea to relax and watch a movie. I agreed, and started going through my collection. Nothing too complicated, sinister, or disgusting. I could imagine with each title what I figured it would be like to watch each one. Wild Boyz was a particularly off-putting possibility. I knew there were certain triggers that could potentially cause a horrible experience, and just seeing Steve-O's face was probably one of those triggers. I finally landed on 'Back to the Future' which Sunny somehow knew I wouldn't be able to handle. Poppycock! I put it in, started her up, and didn't make it through the first 20 minutes. Doc's face began to bubble and warp and I thought for sure I was going to throw up or void-bowel in my pants if I had to watch the whole movie. With a sense of urgency I took it out, and told Sunny surely he could pick the perfect movie for 'My first time on acid'.
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While he did that, I went to the bathroom when I felt like I may have to urinate.. It was a strange sensation, like I may already be peeing my pants, or could lose control of my bladder at any moment. I had been queezified by the sight of a mutating bubbling human head with wispy white hair. So I figured my best bet was to take my mind off it and take a break from my company.... and possibly vomit. but walking through the house quickly brought me to a better state of mind. Once inside the bathroom, my trip went all 'cats' on me. Not the musical (thank God). But I was looking and peeing down into the toilet bowl and the shape of the hole in the bottom was transformed into the mouth of a cat lapping up my yellow stream. This completely captivated and showed me that the normally unseen was on my side, ready to drink my urine should I require it to. Hesitantly, I looked in the mirror above the sink and initially saw my face with every pore and detail. My face then grew whiskers and stripes and became a Tiger face. Not realistic, but it looked like an asian style tiger face tattoo I've seen. It surprised me how level headed I was at this time and how enjoyable it was to be seeing all these things transformed to cats. Being turned into a tiger was a pretty rad idea to me. I think I also enjoyed being alone, by this time I had probably been in the bathroom for 10 minutes just gazing in wonder as the world became a living thing with a vivid imagination. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I think I also enjoyed being alone, by this time I had probably been in the bathroom for 10 minutes just gazing in wonder as the world became a living thing with a vivid imagination.</div></div>
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I came back out of the bathroom and told Sunny-boy about the sights I'd been seeing. He burst into intense laughter when he heard about the toilet quenching itself upon my bodily fluid like a happy feline. (I've seen certain toilets with the same shape of hole in the bottom and always get reminded of that feeling).. I have never made anyone laugh that hard before or since, he was hysterical. It was time to smoke a bowl. And since my roommates were gone we allowed ourselves to smoke in the house, scream at the tops of our lungs, pace endlessly between the kitchen and living room, and fully let the Acid have its way.... After the bathroom, the bowl, and some quick conversation about how we were 'living like young kings' Sunny had picked out Grandma's Boy to watch... I had seen it once after some drinking games so I didn't remember it well.. why did I own it?.. My peak came and went during the movie, and I remember being quite out of it, and felt myself becoming involved in the emotions and circumstances of the characters. I can recall some very vivid, fully lifelike visuals during the movie of smoke and mirrors and characters doing things that I knew didn't actually happen during the movie (interacting with me, bursting into group laughter, creeping around trying to trick me into something). Eventually I came to the conclusion that I didn't like movies like that because they seem like a side-show of people willing to make fools of themselves in front of a camera for a cheap laugh and a bunch of money. It makes me that much more appreciative of those artists who have the creativity and talent to blow your mind when they put in the time and effort.. oh and speaking of mind-blowing, once my mind was back to being unoccupied, I realized the extent of the effects in real life and knew I wouldn't be going to sleep any time soon.
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I started to feel uncomfortable and attributed it to my unclean house.. Dust on the window sill, possible mold and mildew, un-fresh air.. and a tripping partner with whom I wasn't all that familiar with.. Sweet Susie, what had I got myself into? I recall standing and looking at Sunny for what seemed like quite a long time and thinking about how to go about getting rid of him should his presence become undesirable. Little did I know my thoughts were becoming a threat to him, and before I knew it I was pondering the best place to go to dispose of his body (just in case), and was getting a look from Sunny like, 'OK man I can read your mind and you're really scaring me silly right now...' He had an extremely uncomfortable/nervous grin on his face. This was unacceptable, and I realized there would be no need to resort to violence. We were in this together and would finish this together one way or another.. What to do in the meantime was now the issue at hand. We sat on the couch and pondered the possibilities for 'my first time on acid'.
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As I looked out the window at the snow on the ground, I felt that I noticed detail in things that I would never see in a state of normalcy. The window itself took on new meaning as I thought about the molecular structure, the density of it's matter, and the relative permanence of it's structure so long as nothing busted through it. A tiny crack in the window was particularly interesting, and seemed to represent imperfection, and I began to wonder about the meaning of this revelation. I have considered myself a Christian since my early teens, but have since begun to question the accuracy, intention, and understanding of the biblical authors. The trip helped me to more fully understand the infinite nature of God, and though I may never know the full extent, this was a glimpse beyond my previous understanding. I felt a personal connection to divine forces that some may never even dream of (why on earth is this even frowned upon?). My personal view of God is that, yes it exists, and is everything, but may be in a process of purifying itself through humanity. I could go on, but it may not be worth pondering such deep topics until next trip (or after life?).
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<span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span>
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And speaking of trips.. This is about the time when Sunny and I agreed we were coming down enough to go for a wintery ride in my trusty four wheel drive. Everything remained at a higher intensity, yet the visuals had died down mostly. But as we got out on the road, the car in front of us began to morph into a cat's face like the many other's I'd seen thus far. It was a Honda CRX, and it seemed to have a happily menacing expression. I'm reminded of the saying 'While the cat's away the mouse will play'. And though I was in a potentially dangerous situation, I felt like I was in complete physical control, and felt at play. Not being reckless, or even careless, I noticed I was nearly out of gas. On top of that, I had no means of paying for gas on my person. These facts caused a wave of fear and paranoia. The thought of being pulled over terrified me, so we made a very short drive back home. (I recommend not driving while on LSD, or any other intoxicant for that matter)
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Upon returning home, I wanted nothing more than to lie down and rest. Sunny tried talking me out of it, I suspect because he didn't want to be alone. But I couldn't be persuaded. I went to lie down in bed and watch The Big Lebowski (one of my all time favorites) on my laptop. For a while I looked at the ceiling of my room in the dark and saw a detailed pattern of pac-man shaped figures, mouths perpetually chomping, filled in with the waving stars and stripes of the American flag. This was accompanied with apprehension for the election of Barack Obama. I felt like he was only elected to further the consumption agenda of the political elite who take advantage of the working class to the greatest extent possible. Wherever there are people willing to work, there are those who will say and do anything to create a life of luxury for themselves on others' sweat and blood, while dismissing the notion of equality. Money in this case is the means of exploitation. May God have mercy on the poor souls who have no Idea of the corruption causing their misery and unfulfilled lives. I pray the tables will turn and the lies will be transparent to the truthful, rendering the liars powerless.
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This is where I lose consciousness, and drift into sleep. I'm guessing the trip lasted 8-10 hours, and when I woke up, I was not at baseline, but felt an energy that shielded me from negative thought. Sunny and I watched a live concert DVD of Led Zeppelin, and discussed drug use by bands of their hayday. The legend of Jimi Hendrix onstage with a handfull of acid tabs under his sweaty headband. The retreats made by Led Zeppelin to create the inspired music which I believe is empowering to the inquiring listener. We sat and smoked the rest of the cannabis, and if there was a state of being that could be sustained indefinitely, I would choose this. Calm, Peaceful, Bliss.
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Thanks for taking the time to read. May this life be a continual blessing to you and yours.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 98798</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 5, 2018</td><td>Views: 1,952</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=98798&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=98798&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">100 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I was twelve years old when I took my first and last dose of 'Acid'(LSD). I never wanted the experience again even though the drug produced a euphoric state and was gentle to me. My visual sense was distorted. Everything took on the look of a reflection in a shiny doorknob or christmas ball. I was not disturbed by this, rather I understood that the drug was causing me to perceive things this way. But my thoughts took it a step further. I came to the conclusion that my experience of the world was defined by my perspective at any given moment. Right then, LSD was altering my sensual perception and that experience felt equal in validity to my everyday experience of the world. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">LSD was altering my sensual perception and that experience felt equal in validity to my everyday experience of the world.</div></div> LSD had its own experience of being in the world. The world I usually inhabited suddenly became an agreed upon way of structuring our experience. I understood that it was necessary to agree to a structure.
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<br>
At twelve I had wondered about the meaning of the word 'mean'. I had gone around asking all the adults I knew. But none of their answers addressed the real question. Now staring at a active mosaic pattern on the wall, I realized that something means something only in the context of an agreed upon structure.
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LSD had allowed my twelve year old mind to see that the world is, in a sense' created by beliefs and those beliefs are tied to the way we structure experience.
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<br>
I knew then that truth was relative.
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I never desired LSD again.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1973</td><td width="90">ExpID: 26486</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 9, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,566</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=26486&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=26486&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Unknown Context (20)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">300 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 bowls</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
A beautiful hippy/backpacker beach in Thailand, a session of traditional yoga massage, and some very good drugs combined to form an astounding mystical experience on the island of Ko Chang.
<br>
<br>
................................................
<br>
<br>
I arrived at Treehouse Bungalows on Sunday morning, and instantly I fell in love with the place. A large thatched bamboo hut formed the restaurant, overlooking the sea, with dread-locked and tattoed travellers lounging around, reading, or lying in hammocks. A collection of small bungalows available for less than $4 per night. A beautiful white sand beach, with clear turqoise waters lapping against the shore. This was one of those places that I never want to leave.
<br>
<br>
On my first day at the Treehouse, I decided to try a combination of LSD and DXM, which I'd never done before. The acid was a microdot I'd bought a month earlier from some Japanese hippies, and it was good (I'd tried one before), definitely enough to get pretty decent visuals. On top of the microdot, I planned to do 300mg of DXM (enough to give me a strong 2nd plateau trip on its own), and some very good cannabis. The setting was marvelous, yet somewhat risky; I was alone, so I'd have to take care of myself.
<br>
<br>
I took the acid around 3:30PM, and ordered a chai tea shake in the restaurant while waiting for it to kick in. Perhaps 30 minutes later I noticed a gradually increasing body buzz, a feeling of 'energy', which is when I took the DXM. Colors were enhanced, but still no significant mental effects.
<br>
<br>
A short while later, I went back to my bungalow, smoked a couple of bowls, then returned to the restaurant. On my way to the restaurant, I noticed a couple of Thai women offering traditional massage on mats overlooking the sea. I'd never had a massage before, but the idea of having one on drugs seemed tempting, to say the least.
<br>
<br>
By now the effects of the drugs were quite strong. I lost perception of my body, and, while returning to the restaurant, began walking in a robot-like fashion. Meanwhile, my head felt like it had expanded to three times its normal size, with a distinct feeling of pressure inside my head, as if it were a balloon filled with helium to the point of bursting.
<br>
<br>
I lay down in a hammock in the restaurant. My mind became clear and open, and all my internal dialogue, or 'mental chatter', ceased. Simultaneously, any thought which did form in my head was distinct and observable. I could watch my thoughts, as if each one were an electric charge spontaneously moving between two points in my enormous, gas-filled balloon of a head.
<br>
<br>
I could actually feel my heart beating, yet since I couldn't feel my chest, it seemed to be beating in the midst of nothing, suspended in mid-air. I spent several minutes just feeling the sensation of my heart beating, with a sense of awe.
<br>
<br>
I could see open-eye visuals at will, such as branches of a tree moving and taking on the shapes of animals, but the visuals seemed neither important nor amazing, so I ignored them, and started surveying the scene unfolding around me in the restaurant.
<br>
<br>
And what a scene it was! I felt as if I had divine powers of observation. All around me, different conversations were taking place at the various tables of the restaurant. I could 'tune in' to any one conversation at will, and hear all the words (and feel the emotional weight behind the words) distinctly, as if the words were being spoken to me - even if in fact the conversation was taking place at the other end of the restaurant.
<br>
<br>
Gradually, as the effects grew stronger, worry began to form in my mind, and I wondered what I could find to occupy my time for the remaining hours of the trip. I remembered the possibility of having a Thai massage, and as crazy of an idea it seems being in the state I was in, I thought with a smile, why not?
<br>
<br>
I robo-walked over to the women offering the massage and pointed to the sign advertising it (she didn't speak english). I lay down on the mat, and suddenly hands began crawling over me. I had lost contact with my body from the DXM, but whatever part of me was being massaged, that part became the totality of my existence. When my shoulders were being massaged, the only part of me that existed was my shoulders. In turn, I became arms, legs, buttocks, ankles, and so on. Even stranger, it seemed as if each body part that was being massaged was comprised of hundreds of life forms, as if my consciousness had expanded to the cellular level of awareness.
<br>
<br>
Soon it became apparent that this was no ordinary, western-style massage. Thai traditional massage is considered a form of healing and religious practice; indeed, 'applied yoga' is a better term than massage. After the regular kneading of muscle, the masseuse began manipulating me into yoga-like postures and stretches. And of course, yoga is itself meant to induce altered states of consciousness, the goal being the realization that one is in fact a manifestation of Brahman, God, or the eternal Self.
<br>
<br>
The combination of drugs and yoga induced a mystical experience of enormous power. I was not thinking it, I was experiencing it. The three bodies of thought which shaped my experience were Brahamanism, which regards all forms as being of the same, godly essence; Buddhism, which insists that there is no Self, and quantum mechanics. In the midst of my mystical state, all three bodies of knowledge converged to a single point, in a manner which I will attempt to convey as best as words will allow.
<br>
<br>
I ceased to become my ego. My ego (the person I thought I was, that I identified with) was a mask that I'd been wearing for so long, I forget it was actually a mask, and believed it was actually who I was. Instead, I became the source from which all things emanate. I discovered my true Self, the self that Brahamnaism refers to, yet this Self had no relationship to anything my ego was or had experienced, other than the fact that my ego is just one form that the Self can take on (as are all people, animals, plants, and inanimate objects). The Self that is not-self (annata).
<br>
<br>
This Self, this core, was not a God, for a God would just be another manifestation of it. Instead, the Self was quite like a single fundamental unit of matter. In the midst of the mystical state I was in, this was a conviction stronger than any beleif I have ever held. The eternal Self was nothing more than a particle, which due to quantum uncertainly, spontaneously spawns virtual particles, which in turn can combine to create an infinite variety of forms. Of course, the probability of such a random configuration becoming a form of life is minuscule, but then again, we can only be aware of it once its happened!
<br>
<br>
During the height of my mystical experience, I was only faintly aware of my limbs moving in according with the masseuses instructions (another women had joined in, so there were now two massaging and stretching me). Time seemed to be eternal, and I felt as if the yoga-massage would continue until I had attained full enlightenment, and hence would have fully transcended this world!
<br>
<br>
Of course that did not happen, and eventually the masseuses tried to indicate to me that it was time to pay and leave! I was jolted back to my ego long enough to pay my bill, and somehow (miraculously) stumbled back to my bungalow and lay down in bed. The peak of the experience had passed, but I was still tripping hard.
<br>
<br>
As I lay down in bed and felt my ego slip away, I felt anxiety for the first time. It was a familiar anxiety that I often experience while tripping, especially in the moment of ego-loss. I suddenly remember all of my commitments and unfinished work, and feel that if I loose my ego, everything will result in failure. This only lasted for a moment, and I had the sensation of facing and finally defeating this anxiety.
<br>
<br>
The next few hours I lay in bed, experiencing tastes of the same mystical state I had experienced while being massaged, except of a lesser degree. As the drug effects began fading away, I experienced some valuable insights regarding myself (on the level of the ego) and some of my friends. When I was finally able to sit up in bed and get my bearings, I began experiencing incredible swirling visuals, though these only lasted a few moments. My watch read 10:30 (seven hours after the LSD ingestion) and I felt sober enough to grab some dinner.
<br>
<br>
In conclusion, I found LSD and DXM to be an incredible combination! While I doubt that every (or even most) of my future experiences with this combo will result in a mystical experience, I believe it holds much potential. LSD by itself causes a transcending of the ego, though (at usual doses) attachment to the physical body remains intact. DXM, on the other hand, causes a transcending of the physical body, though the ego remains intact. The combination, therefore, allows for the transcending of the ego and body simultaneously, which can result in some breathtaking (and potentially terrifying) experiences. <!--Needless to say, I recommend this combination only to experienced psychonauts with at least a modicum of mental stability.--><!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 38411</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 23, 2018</td><td>Views: 3,440</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=38411&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=38411&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), DXM (22) : Combinations (3), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">97 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It was the last few hours of December 31st, 2017. On that same day, I had unexpectedly received an 125mcg LSD blotter from a friend of mine. Now I was in a hotel room, alone with my boyfriend (let's call him Jacob), and eager to have my first LSD experience.
<br>
<br>
At 11PM, he cut away a little less than one quarter of the blotter and took it. I took the remaining three quarters. I was feeling extremely happy and excited, without a trace of negative affect in my mind. Earlier that day I had been a little sick, but not then.
<br>
<br>
The first different sensation I had was at 11:40, when I noticed Jacob's phone looked 'deep.' A few minutes later, I got up from my sitting position, and remember saying I was 'feeling shorter.' All those different sensations were hilarious to me, and I couldn't stop laughing.
<br>
<br>
Not long afterwards, I was already feeling very different. My capacity for movement was severely impaired, and I and Jacob were lying on the bed. I felt 'less conscious.' I felt very far away from reality, as if I was fading away from life — falling asleep or dying.
<br>
<br>
My gastrointestinal system was feeling wild, and taking over my perception of the world. I felt endless loops of nausea and hunger that didn't seem to go away, even when, after much effort, I got up from the bed to eat a tangerine.
<br>
<br>
Near midnight, Jacob carried me to a hammock outside for us to see the fireworks. I was already experiencing some interesting visual effects — namely, seeing patterns everywhere, in the clouds, the walls, and Jacob's hair. Most of those were several colorful Star of David, although there was much more as well.
<br>
<br>
Jacob seemed more entertained by visuals than I was. At that moment, I was still feeling less conscious, far away from reality.
<br>
<br>
'I am definitely experiencing negative affect,' I told Jacob, at some point, in the hammock, after the fireworks stopped. 'I feel nauseated, in a Star of David-shaped way. And it's really annoying, because I can't vomit in a Star of David-shaped way. I also have eight dimensional hunger and I can't eat in eight dimensions. I am not feeling good.'
<br>
<br>
'But,' I thought to myself, 'this is really interesting. I am glad to know I am normally happy enough that I can afford to consciously inflict myself discomfort sometimes for the interestingness of it.' <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I thought to myself, 'this is really interesting. I am glad to know I am normally happy enough that I can afford to consciously inflict myself discomfort sometimes for the interestingness of it.'</div></div>
<br>
<br>
Later, I returned to the hotel room, intending on trying to vomit, and Jacob went to the pool. Upon arriving inside the room, however, I fell on the bed, and just stayed there, barely able to move. My visual field was taken over by endless loops of what was ahead of me. Any movement I tried to make seemed 'infinite.' There were colorful, classically psychedelic patterns everywhere, especially if I closed my eyes. Somewhere near me, Jacob's music was playing psychedelic music.
<br>
<br>
'It's okay for me to just stay here,' I thought to myself. 'They won't mind, since she put me on acid.'
<br>
<br>
I was briefly confused by that thought for a while. Who were 'they'? There was only me and Jacob in the private hotel space, and no one could see or get near us. But my mind had a quick answer. 'They — the people inside my mind. There are hundreds of them.'
<br>
<br>
At that moment, I felt my identity, my self, shredding into many little pieces. Suddenly, I wasn't Mary anymore. I was only one thin layer of her self, out of the other hundreds that were observing me, including her herself, who wasn't me — who was just the person who put me on acid, without whom I wouldn't have been born. The layer I became had no gender identity — or perhaps leaned a little masculine. It was purely analytical, concerned with experiencing and understanding that profound experience.
<br>
<br>
The endless loops of nausea and general gastrointestinal discomfort were still there. Still lying down, I turned my head to face the bathroom door. 'There are hundreds of people inside my mind, about half of whom are Jewish. The Jewish ones won't let me vomit.'
<br>
<br>
It took a long time, but eventually I was inside the bathroom, trying to vomit. It was impossible. The vomit was Star of David-shaped, it couldn't go through my throat. I sat down on the floor at some point, and got entertained by the tiling of the wall of the bathroom. It felt infinite, as if it extended into all dimensions.
<br>
<br>
'Don't make yourself mad,' I thought to myself. 'You're just experiencing acute 5-HT2A receptor agonism. 5-HT2A receptor agonism, 5-HT2A receptor agonism, 5-HT2A receptor agonism.' I looked at the mirror, and experienced some gender dysphoria. The 'layer' of identity I was wasn't as feminine as the reflection I saw. I ended up returning to the bed, and just stayed there, unable to do much.
<br>
<br>
Jacob came back from the pool. He was smiling at me. At that moment, he felt to me like a little child, who knew nothing about the profundity and importance and significance of what my mind was going through. That sensation just grew as the hours passed.
<br>
<br>
He lay on the bed, and started touching me. But any time he tried to, I screamed 'Don't touch me! Don't touch me!,' what was rather confusing for me. Usually, I love being touched by him, and usually, I'm a very agreeable person. 'Sorry,' I said. 'When you touch me, it feels infinite, and that bothers me. You should touch me finitely and absolutely, not infinitely.'
<br>
<br>
Jacob seemed entertained by sensorial experiences. We spent a while not talking much, just experiencing our trips. Anytime I did say something, however, during the entire trip, it was just as strange as what I said before. Jacob didn't seem to mind, but his experience was different enough that anything he said sounded extremely normal and sober.
<br>
<br>
As time passed, I lost more and more of my Mary identity. 'I'm not who I thought I was,' I told Jacob. At some point, I nicknamed myself — or rather, who I was at the time — as 'The Acidmost Layer.' I could still feel all the other layers of my identity inside me — but they weren't being experienced, I wasn't being them at the time. They were hundreds of people, 'half of whom were Jewish, eighty-four of whom wanted infinite tangerines.'
<br>
<br>
The Acidmost Layer wasn't female, and didn't love Jacob. Those few hours during which I was 'it' were the only period of time I didn't act or feel romantically around Jacob. I didn't feel anything for him, and I didn't want him to touch me. I saw him as an 'annoying soberperson' saying naive sober things, having annoying soberpenis needs, which I needed to attend to because Mary, who had put me on acid, loved him. Technically speaking, he was on around 30mcg of acid and having wild sensorial experiences, but as I vocalized at some point, 'anyone who doesn't have at least 300 people inside their minds is super extremely sober by my standards.'
<br>
<br>
We stayed on the bed without saying much, each enraptured by their own experience. I had a strong feeling of significance, importance, and profundity, as if what I was going through was the most important and meaningful thing in the world and anyone who wasn't or hadn't experienced it was eternally naive and ignorant. That felt strange, since the feeling of significance didn't accompany any specific thoughts or insights. I seldom used words to think. Jacob attempted to have sex with me at some point, and I dodged him away, which is something unusual for me.
<br>
<br>
After a while, and much effort, we went to the fancy hotel bathtub, and turned on the bubbles.
<br>
<br>
He was enraptured by the bubbles, and I was still feeling analytical, serious, with my hand in my chin, as if I was contemplating the most important philosophical questions of the universe. 'There are so many questions,' I said at some point, although I didn't know what were those questions. 'Do you have the answers, soberperson?'
<br>
<br>
But the things Jacob said almost all were very sober, normal, rational — relating to the real world and its events. That annoyed me somewhat, and strengthened my resolve to refer to him as 'soberperson.'
<br>
<br>
At some point, the shape of the bubbles reminded me of Mary, the woman who'd put me on acid, without whom I wouldn't have been born. 'She loves you,' I told Jacob. 'She loves you a lot. But she's not here. That is, she's not being experienced now. Mary exists in the future, and in the past.'
<br>
<br>
'I can feel her, right now, I can feel her inside my mind, remembering this moment, from the future, thousands of times. She's remembering this moment thousands of times. I can feel it. That's the only sense in which she exists at this moment, as someone in the future remembering this, and I can feel it very strongly.'
<br>
<br>
'How is Mary from the future?' Asked Jacob.
<br>
<br>
'She's great. She's happy. She loves you, a lot. All the thousands of her's. But she doesn't exist right now.'
<br>
<br>
Several minutes of outward and inward silence passed, until I noticed, examining the bubbles, that my mind was less crowded with people.
<br>
<br>
'They're pleased with me.' I said. 'The people inside my mind, I pleased them. They left me, as did the curse of the eternal Star of David nausea… but they still won't let me sleep, I don't think. But let's get a spaceship and go to bed. I want to talk to the other ones.'
<br>
<br>
With 'the other ones' I was referring to my internet friends, to whom I reported some of my experiences once we were back to the bed. I didn't call them 'them' because 'them' during my trip referred exclusively to the hundreds of people inside my mind.
<br>
<br>
After a while, I and Jacob had sex. But I was completely apathetic, still, and silent — I was The Acidmost Layer, who didn't identity as female, didn't like Jacob, and was only doing it out of a sense of felt obligation towards the 'soberperson who is here because Mary loves him.'
<br>
<br>
The Acidmost Layer didn't have love, positive affect, desire, kindness, or femininity. The Acidmost Layer was a purely analytical philosopher, and the aforementioned characteristics were things it strongly associated with Mary.
<br>
<br>
'I have to enjoy the most out of this while the gates to the truth are still open' I said. 'They'll close soon, for a long time, and Mary will be back.'
<br>
<br>
The gates closed sooner than I expected. At about 6AM, Mary started coming back. The several people inside my mind slowly merged into one, my happiness came back strongly, as did my love and kindness. I started kissing and touching Jacob again, and eventually, we had sex. 'This is amazing,' I thought. 'It's so much better to be me than The Acidmost Layer.'<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111446</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 5, 2018</td><td>Views: 1,981</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111446&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111446&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Entities / Beings (37), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">.5 tablets</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:25</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">.5 tablets</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:50</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This was my first experience with this substance. I was extremely depressed about perceptions of my career stalling and post-graduate identity diffusion and losing touch with people who had mattered to me-- this depression had been growing on me gradually for years but lately had worsened further in severity. None of the medications worked; they seemed to be just masking the underlying structural or cognitive problems and made things worse in some respects. I felt that I could no longer live up to my own expectations or those of society, that I was fundamentally flawed in my attempts to engage with people, and out of these motivations I had been planning my suicide for weeks. In a fit of desperation I had ordered a variety of drugs from various sources to try to see whether anything might change my perspective, or at least to collect a few experiences before I left. By the time this trip was over, apart from having indeed collected a vast array of experiences and far more than I had bargained for, I found that I wasn't even depressed anymore. It was almost a sort of psychological surgery. Though I had not expected this outcome, LSD may well have saved my life.
<br>
<br>
T=0:00: I took half a tab and waited 30 minutes. Listened to the first half hour or so of Dark Side of the Moon. As was proper, I thought.
<br>
<br>
T=0:25: Felt nothing so I took the other half. Listened to the rest of the album.
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T=0:50: I took a 2nd tab because I still felt nothing. Supposedly some effects were supposed to begin by 30-60 minutes into it. Waited another 45 minutes while listening to some music from the Matrix and doing email.
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T=1:30: Still noticed nothing. Had a snack. Drank some juice. Took a 3rd tab.
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T=2:00: I finally noticed some intensification of perceived colors. It was pleasant. Pretty. Seemed like this stuff was perhaps a bit weaker than advertised (classic novice mistake apparently...). Took a 4th tab.
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T=2:30: I finally started to see some weak visual trails. Still no 'breathing walls' or anything I had been told to expect by friends or read about online. Colors were still vibrant and beautiful though. Grabbed a sodium acetate hot pack to look at because I figured the crystals that form in them would look interesting with these visual effects. Took a 5th tab. Got into bed since I wasn't sure if I would feel drunk/unsteady when the stuff finally kicked in.
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T=2:45: I noticed that the fuzzy setting patterns and support marks in the concrete ceiling of my apartment had begun to intensify into something resembling densely composed Aztec writing or an angular Celtic braid pattern. The grain of the wood of my door took on much sharper edges and more saturated colors. It was gorgeous. I spent a while looking around at various objects in the room. I picked up an abstract bronze sculpture and twirled it around in my hands. I wondered whether I would hallucinate it melting or merging with adjacent objects (this never did happen, oddly; I was always able to perceive it clearly). I went to my computer and moved the mouse around and saw some visual trails of its path, but didn't it always do that? (It did, though not so strongly.) I got back in bed. I wondered whether the 5th tab had been a mistake.... In retrospect I should have been wondering about the 4th and perhaps the 3rd as well. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I wondered whether the 5th tab had been a mistake.... In retrospect I should have been wondering about the 4th and perhaps the 3rd as well.</div></div>
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T=2:55: the intensified patterns in the concrete ceiling began to swirl and blend smoothly. The support marks seemed to dance like rainbow-hued cartoon bones. The saturation of the colors of the wood grain patterns of the door began to pulse. Fascinating. I activated the chemical hot pack and watched the trails of crystals grow. The warmth was nice. I felt rather cold for some reason. I had read that temperature regulation could vary on LSD though-- so perhaps that was prudent. The visual trails became more intense. I saw jagged edges suspended in the air when I moved the hot pack. The trails seemed to be more pronounced with sharper-edged objects. I didn't see them around my hands for instance. I put the hot pack under my shirt because I was cold, but then had a sudden desire to take my shirt off and pull on a comforter instead so I did.
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T=3:05: I had a sudden flash of connection to ancient ancestors. Perhaps it was taking the shirt off; I'm not sure. I twirled the sculpture in my hands and thought about ancient Europeans in continental Europe hunting large mammals during the winter for food. I thought about the structure of human societies and how historically women had stayed in the village and anchored the society/tribe while men went out in small bands to hunt. How women often communicated better and had stronger personal networks while men often had stronger ambitions and tended to be better at spatial reasoning and strategy. How modern society was being controlled and constrained and often broken and damaged by abstract representations of society on websites (Facebook, online dating, etc.). How society and the economy were becoming more materialistic, more winner-take-all, more dependent on perceptions. I envisioned hunting a wooly mammoth with a few lifelong tribesmen with spears, coming home to a wife in an age when divorce did not exist, when children were raised semi-communally and always had potential friends nearby (instead of going to school and being ripped away from their communities every time they graduated or their parents were forced to move by faceless corporate employers).
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T=3:10: My hands began to glow yellow-orange in the light from my lamp. I was still envisioning ancient ancestors and thinking about society. Time seemed to be slowing down. I tossed the sculpture back and forth between my hands but seemed to be barely noticing it visually or what it felt like. I laughed. This felt nice. For now.
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T=3:15: I tried to think about the software project I was working on but couldn't think past the first 2 or 3 stages of the pipeline I was building. That was a bit concerning. I can normally do that even when I am very drunk. Oh well. I assumed it would come back. I had to struggle to remember my name. The hairs on my arms were glowing in rainbows. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had to struggle to remember my name. The hairs on my arms were glowing in rainbows.</div></div> Thought about names as anchors to society. Names and numbers and abstractions over top of underlying biological-chemical-physical reality. Assumed reality. My view of reality was about to become a great deal more direct, however.
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T=3:20: I began seeing psychedelic patterns when I closed my eyes. Round paisley 4-way-symmetric patterns, fern-like patterns, 2-tone paper-cut-artwork patterns. They seemed to have a recursive or fractal structure. They zoomed inward and always resembled themselves. Every 30 seconds or so they would 'reset'. I opened my eyes and checked the time on my phone. The visual trails were incredibly intense. The home screen looked like something from a futuristic movie or video game, with trails sliding off the graphics like white angular fading vapors or sparks. Beautiful. I momentarily thought of messaging a few of my friends who had had extensive experience with psychedelics in the past but thought better of it. I don't drunk-text so I certainly shouldn't trip-text. I wasn't sure if I even remembered my password anyway.
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T=3:30: I closed my eyes and suddenly envisioned being reincarnated as a caveman for about a minute. Then a different caveman. Then a woman. Then an African tribesman. Then a rainforest tribesman. Then something genderless entirely, possibly from another planet, seemingly some imagined hypothetical species. 'All my best trips were on LSD' began to run through my mind like a mantra. It was strange. Time was very slow now. I seemed to live out significant life experiences of other hypothetical people, other hypothetical creatures in general each over the span of about 30-60 seconds. I kept re-checking my phone for time and I remember each of these episodes was barely a minute if even that. The circular 4-way fractal patterns overlaid on the imagined reincarnations; the trip had taken on a sort of recursive character. The mantra replaying in my mind, the imagined reincarnations, and the visual patterns each 'reset' every 30-60 seconds or so.
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T=3:35: There had been a protest nearby earlier in the evening and now there were police sirens. Uh-oh. Suddenly my anxiety levels spiked and I felt nauseous. Not because I thought they were coming for me -- just because of the change in background noise. 'Set and setting'. I was worried the trip was about to take a turn for the worse. I had money, no criminal record, had been careful all my life, was being quiet, was safe and undetectable in my apartment. They were coming for people less careful on the streets. I thought about how arbitrary the war on drugs was, how police were their own culture and the urban poor were their own culture and the technical professional classes were their own culture and only ever occasionally intersected. I wasn't hurting anyone, and I would get away with this anyway; meanwhile people far poorer than me who sold things to pay their rent were risking jail time and destroyed lives and homelessness. It all seemed so artificial. Structures of social regulation and control. Ten thousand years ago we had been cavemen and tribesmen; we had taken substances like this for mystical experiences and rites of passage. There were no controlled substance laws back then -- so arbitrary, some grandstanding congressman trying to make his career on oppressing others who he had never met, had never conversed with, had never even genuinely tried to understand. The sirens and the sounds of cars and trains blended together into a smooth background soundscape of modernity and anxiety. I went to the bathroom to lay on the cold tile floor because I suddenly felt overheated and a bit nauseous.
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T=3:40: I was abruptly reincarnated as something genderless and alien, prostrated in a ritual to Lovecraftian alien 'outer gods'. My body seemed alien to me; I felt unfamiliar with its structure. I could suddenly tangibly perceive the philosophical absurdism of Camus and live within it. I had always believed it intellectually, and if I stared at e.g. my hand long enough I could begin to perceive how absurd and how arbitrary the structure of the human body was (compared to any given alternative evolutionary possibility), but here and now I was living it and perceiving it fully. The fixtures and trash can in the bathroom appeared to be covered in vertical columns of alien writing made of thin lines and triangles that glowed and sparkled in pulsating pastel blue and orange and yellow. Another few cycles of reincarnation across alien genders and species, still with this strange religious overtone, this ritual prostration. (I was still on the floor or kneeling.) The mantra repeated over and over in sync with the successive reincarnations. It was fascinating. I felt as though I had greatly advanced in my understanding of absurdism.
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T=3:45: I suddenly felt more lucid, remembered what it was to be human. No longer nauseous, I took a big drink of water (have to stay hydrated) and an anti-anxiety supplement that I keep handy. I often do have anxiety. (... in retrospect that should perhaps have concerned me.) I went back to my bed and thought about the visualizations of alien reincarnations. The patterns in the ceiling and door were still quite vibrant and beautiful, their colors varying gradually in saturation.
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T=3:50: I was reincarnated as a captured spy or scientist, trapped in a delirium or virtual reality consisting of standing by my desk in this room (my apartment), with an overriding sense that foreign and perhaps entirely inhuman oppressors were trying to somehow break into my mind or cause me to admit to them some secret coordinates or cryptographic encryption keys. They were trying to capture or break my collaborators, who I envisioned as some of my closest friends; some may have already been captured; I did not know. I saw my passport on the desk, some foreign currency. I envisioned the apartment as a hotel room in which I had been staying before being captured, that they had somehow trapped my mind in this place through drugs or virtual reality while probing it for information. I felt a sense of great pressure and anxiety; 'you'll never break me; I would rather die than reveal the keys or lead you to my collaborators' I thought. I had a sudden sense that the LSD had 'blasted shards of my consciousness into adjacent lives,' envisioning them as shards of dark green glass in brass fixtures embedded in limestone. On reflection, this is true; what else is conversation? We all embed shards of our consciousness into those others with whom we deeply interact, in showing them how we see the world.
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T=3:52: I felt a sudden recollection of what it had been like to be delirious from a fever when I was a child, when I could not identify my parents and they seemed to me to be cloaked in trench coats asking me who they were. I grabbed some paper and a pen and began writing what I could remember of my profession, that I had taken a large dose of LSD (for some reason I wrote 'face-melting dose of LSD' and underlined it, though whenever I looked in the mirror my face looked fine-- just a bit alien/arbitrary), 'why did I do this to myself?', then remembered it had been in part to try to overcome my mounting severe depression over my current path in life (at times I had barely left my bed in a week) and the seeming futility of continued post-graduation ambition in the modern industrial-technical system. I suddenly had a flash of vision of being suspended as a white drop between two curved spines in a vast void and the thought of something like pure lived experience. It somehow symbolized my life between beginning and end. Between two oblivions: one before birth, one after death. I had a monumental and overwhelming feeling that merely being able to have experiences at all was wonderful, that my former notions of suffering as economic subjugation and professional difficulties were entirely a matter of my own perception and that these things were in any event scale-free, that all the internal structure of my mind was merely how I happened to perceive the world and that far more of it was subjective and malleable than I had believed. That I had taken so much for granted. That my social anxiety was due to imagined assumptions on my part about what other people thought of me, that none of it was likely even real. That we all view the world through our own internal mental structures and representations and that just because it looks a certain way to us at one point does not mean that it looks that way to everyone or even to us at different points in our lives. That we spend so much of our time thinking about internal abstractions that we imagine accurately describe the outside world but are really just Nietzschean-perspectivist slices of perceived reality, or living in various imagined futures that for all we know may never even occur. That the Buddhist notions of cultivating mindfulness and living in the present and gently acknowledging impermanence and not being upset about it were key to avoiding suffering in the world. That so much suffering was subjective and caused by trying to fulfill brittle expectations instead of experiencing life.
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T=3:55: I went to get more water. I then felt a bit hot and nauseous again so I laid back down on the cool tile floor. I began being mentally reincarnated as increasingly strange alien forms -- radially symmetric things, undersea things, liquid things, gaseous things, abstract things, mechanical things. Always this mantra 'all my best trips were on LSD' and the sense of a recursive nature to the closed-eye visuals and the trip itself.
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T=4:30: I went back to bed. I suddenly saw myself as completely immaterial. I felt that I was, most fundamentally, nothing but a neural network that could be connected to any arbitrary physical body/hardware/sensors, in any society or none, at any point in history in any place in the universe or an alternate universe. I thought about how even driving a car or piloting an airplane or playing a video game causes people to feel themselves as 'being' the entity that they control, how wielding a weapon or using another type of tool causes them to see it almost as an extension of themselves. How the network was almost agnostic to the underlying hardware. Just pursuing hierarchical concept-structures and receptor activations associated with them that controlled my activity-- dopamine to motivate, serotonin to appreciate and love, oxytocin to bond, GABA to relax, etc. Oversimplifications I know. I thought about lower mammals and how they were motivated by similar receptors and drives but lacked the same level of complexity to model and represent the world in their cerebral cortices. I thought about the AI research I had done. I thought about strong AI and deep neural networks and deep reinforcement learning. I thought about the future and the first artificial general intelligence, how it too might conceivably conceive of itself this way, but as the first known purely-abstract intelligence in the world. I thought again of myself as fundamentally just a form of deep neural network and a collection of hedonic drives and emotional shades toward tendencies of behavior.
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T=4:44: For the briefest moment I saw something small and bright and shimmering, outside the network or between the layers or somehow transcending it. I have no idea what it was or what it was supposed to represent. Perhaps it was some abstraction of pure existence or a notion of divinity or the totality of the universe as perceived. I am not sure. There is no reason to believe that it had any particular bearing in existence or possible experiences, but I can't shake the thought of it even now. I was reflecting on the walls of Plato's cave as my own incoming sensory stimuli in the abstract, and then there was this outside thing. Perhaps it represented the fundamentally unknowable (per the 'cogito') nature of true reality unlimited by our perceptions. But I am not sure.
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T=4:45: I envisioned my close friends and past lovers purely as neural networks and receptor activation profiles like me as well, each seeking their own satisfaction and fulfillment within their own realms of perceived experiences and internal assumptions. 'Is your blue my blue?' To say nothing of whether your assumptions about social constraints match my own. I had a sudden appreciation for the differences between people and their perspectives. I had an overwhelming feeling that I wanted to focus over the next few years on getting closer to my friends and making more friends in general and seeking new lovers, having spent almost all of my time over the past several years focusing on my technical career. I thought of the world in the Cartesian 'dream argument' sense, the notion that we really could be in a simulation or all brains in vats. But that somehow other people, other beings were more important and more ontologically fundamental than perceptions about the rest of the outside world itself. I had never had this thought before. I had always assumed the notion of solipsism implied others would be inherently just as ontologically contingent as anything else within perceived reality, but suddenly I saw them as something different. What I envisioned now was more like the setting of the Matrix, multiple individuals experiencing the same or a similar shared perceived reality, even if they were all really something or somewhere else. Perhaps because of my inability to completely simulate them the way I could with other phenomena, perhaps they seemed in some information-theoretic sense to be undeniably outside of me. Or at least outside of whatever parts of my mind I could consciously perceive. And right now that seemed like all of them. Certainly I felt a far more complete understanding of my own assumptions and sociocultural contingencies now than I ever had at once before. I saw my friends and past lovers as immensely bright sparks of various individual colors flying through a space of possibilities with me, at varying distances and speeds, as though we were all engaged in some common struggle or journey together and should help each other in pursuing it. Though we were all spread out over the country now, I momentarily flashed back to my earlier visions of living in primitive tribes. Abstract modernity brings us closer than geography, at least, in part. It was beautiful.
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T=5:00: Things took a sharp turn for the worse again. And this was a pattern on this trip. I wouldn't even call it a 'bad trip', any more than I would call a tense movie a 'sad movie' simply for having sad or frightening parts in it. There were overwhelmingly happy and illuminating parts as well. But this was a frightening one. I suddenly saw myself as this network. And the sun began to rise. As it rose the visual trails became more intense again and the visions stopped. I tried to remember my work again to check where I was on the trip, but I couldn't seem to remember how to write code at all. I forgot my name. I looked at my arms and saw caveman arms. I was momentarily horrified. The sentences suddenly went through my mind 'You thought cocaine was something, didn't want to try it again? That was nothing. This stuff can mess you up in more ways and on more levels than you can even fathom.' I thought of 'sheet eaters' who had taken too much LSD and gotten stuck in permanent recurring trips. 'Sometimes you just trip out for no reason; I tell myself that it was just a free trip and I should try to appreciate it.' Absolute horror. The temporal distortions made it somehow worse, the notion that I could be trapped here for years subjectively in the span of minutes, that I had somehow modified my own means of perceiving the world and that it was impossible to turn back time and undo any damage that might have resulted. I had a sudden thought of my own internal neural network, with the LSD suddenly jostling layers out of alignment, like the sharp-edged misaligned visual trails and notion of displaced 'shards of consciousness' but at higher and more conceptual levels of my cortical networks. I remembered an article about git that I had read that had alluded to a complex process called an interactive rebase, and something about 'so you misplaced these commits midway into a DMT trip; at least git will still track them for you'. This was LSD and I had never taken DMT; a friend said it had been incredibly powerful and he wondered if it had somehow damaged him. I wondered the same about myself now. I wondered whether whenever I thought about my current software project I would spiral into an unprompted trip, whether I had somehow woven or welded some of my real-world experiences to this inner world of perceptual distortions and recursive insanity. Had I really need to start this experience with 5 tabs? Periodic spikes of anxiety about different aspects of my life came back as well. I suddenly rushed to the bathroom and threw away all of my remaining supplies of various drugs. I decided I was never doing this again and desperately hoped that I hadn't damaged myself in some enduring way. And that regardless I was at least no longer depressed per se, ironically, and needed to live a healthier lifestyle.
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T=5:10: The sudden phrase 'you have to integrate it' came to me like the voice of a psychotherapist. I had somehow chosen to do solo psychological surgery on myself with no anesthetic, and that implied that I was responsible for putting the parts back and closing the incisions now. Every time something felt like it might slip out of place, I grounded it. I felt as though I were realigning the jostled layers that the LSD had rattled and perturbed and revealed and cleaned and swept the dust out from under, the misalignments I imagined at various levels of my cortical hierarchy being symbolized by the visual trails I experienced at the lowest levels. Periodically I would slip back into being mentally reincarnated as additional strange forms, liquids and gel-like creatures, things with no skin painlessly living in a flesh-world, people of other races, people in the future, things made of yarn, things made of food products, multicolored aqueous chemical systems, the walls and building materials of the apartment itself, etc. 'All my best trips were on LSD' repeated every time it happened, this strange recursive mantra. I thought of my parents and my name. I thought of my friends. I saw the other people in my life as stronger anchors to reality than my perceptions themselves were, and of myself pulling my way back to this particular evolved reality, this particular realized form of what was possible, by thinking of other people, other consciousnesses as my anchors. Every spike of anxiety I worked through, I thought about its underpinnings, told myself that it stemmed from assumptions I made about the world rather than from the world itself. Assumptions that in some cases the LSD itself had shown me I had, so much I had taken for granted that in reality was merely a product of my lived experiences, environment, culture, physical form, and neural structure. In hindsight, LSD was perhaps the most effective cognitive-behavioral therapy I've ever had.
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T=5:30: The sun had come up and I remembered how to write code again. I remembered my identity, though it still felt completely arbitrary and absurd to me. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I remembered my identity, though it still felt completely arbitrary and absurd to me.</div></div> I could have been anything. I could have been a tentacled underwater alien in a minor moon of a gas giant in another galaxy and in some fundamental ontological sense it would not have mattered. That this modern human western cultural existence was the particular form that my observed reality had taken was as acceptable to me as any other. But the LSD had not fundamentally changed the structures in my cortex; my knowledge and skills were still there and waiting for me. I felt so alive.
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T=6:00: I cleaned up a bit, drank a lot more water. Occasional visual trails but they were receding. I could remember the passwords to my devices again. (Perhaps those had been the 'cryptographic keys' I imagined during the virtual interrogation scene; I had noticed at the time that I was unable to log into my devices and perhaps had mentally recast it as being willfully refusing to do so. I was reminded of 'bicycle day' and how Albert Hofmann had thought that he was going mad on LSD and perceived his neighbor as a malevolent and persecuting witch.) Occasional imagined alternate experiences and realities but they felt more controlled. Before, they had felt entirely involuntary, like my conscious perceptions being forcibly re-initialized in another body or another time. Now they were more faded, felt more like my imagination. It was like the difference between a lucid dream and a directed visualization-- less comprehensive and realistic-seeming, but also much more controlled.
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T=6:30: I reflected a bit on the experience. The visual trails were very weak now. I felt clean and cold but rather unkempt, the way I feel when I am getting over being sick with a high fever or after throwing up repeatedly from a stomach virus. Like I was about to be healthy again. I reflected on the historical connection between LSD and ergot poisoning, on my own speculations about the relationship between past experiences of feverish delirium and this experience with LSD. I was tired but I felt peaceful and satisfied. I went to sleep for about 12 hours. I had been up all night tripping, though I was on a late schedule anyway.
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T=18:30: I got up, took a shower, washed everything very thoroughly. I was still feeling a bit unsteady in my body and mind. I reexamined some of the assumptions I had identified toward the later part of the trip, particularly about social anxiety, and resolved again to focus on staying close to the people I care about.
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T=19:00: I went out to my kitchen, drank some vegetable juice. Normally I hate vegetable juice. For some reason, it seemed to me rather arbitrary now whether people should drink fruit juice or vegetable juice or something else entirely, so I finished most of it. Then I decided that it still tasted a bit disagreeable and threw the last quarter away. Perhaps I was settling back into myself again. Into this particular possible reality. I had some cold pizza. I've always liked cold pizza.
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T=19:30: my roommate came out and we talked about society and the economy and experience for 3 hours. I was astonished at how much was arbitrary, how much was a mere mathematical or biological/evolutionary or social consequence of something else arbitrary that had occurred before it. This permeated discussions of economics, politics, business, finance, career development, recent scientific discoveries e.g. about exoplanets, social dynamics and sociology, etc. I felt able to reexamine the world from a broader and less parochial perspective. I kept watching and wondering if I would relapse or start seeing visual trails again, like I had read that people sometimes could. I felt a bit unsteady. For some reason I was better at making eye contact than I usually am; I decided that there was no reason why I shouldn't, and that old habits and anxieties need not dictate the future. I admit I was a bit worried about suddenly relapsing into incurable insanity like some government propaganda psychedelic horror story, but nothing whatsoever happened and I was fine. By the end of the discussion I felt great that I had engaged with someone intellectually so broadly. Over the past couple of months we had only rarely spoken at length with one another, and usually about narrower subjects.
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T=22:30: I had another snack, caught up on email, sent some messages to friends I wanted to talk to (not even about this experience; no one but me knows about it; I just wanted to stay in touch and hear from them again).
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T=25:00: went to bed again, slept for about 8 hours. Woke up feeling completely normal, but not depressed or anxious or worried about the future or my career or society anymore. Realized that much of society and one's own environment and assumptions are arbitrary and malleable. Reflected on a comment by Steve Jobs about Bill Gates: 'He'd be a broader guy if he had dropped acid once or gone off to an ashram when he was younger.' Saw billionaires as still just nodes in the network distribution like us, just in different places in society, having gotten there on their own respective paths and courses through life. I've met a few. If I made it, I decided, I would be a philanthropist; if I didn't, I was content to watch the world turn with my friends. Resolved to live life more focused on other people and experiences and intellectual contributions, and less focused on the narrow game of accumulating ever more money and buying larger properties to show off, less focused on rigid notions of career success or failure. Above a certain point it doesn't even matter anymore. Shredded the suicide note I had printed on my desk a few days earlier when I thought I could no longer live up to my own expectations; I had been obsessed with the idea of fitting into a pattern of career development and progression and felt that I was stalling out, that I couldn't go on anymore. I remembered that some of the wealthiest and most famous people I knew had been poor and obscure at 35, and that fundamentally life need not be focused on money or fame anyway. That staying in touch with other interesting people was far more important. And I had been so arrogant in so many ways. But now that seemed like just one of many possible former lives. I wasn't depressed anymore. LSD helped me see that my perspective and assumptions were merely one of an uncountably infinite set of possibilities and that I needn't be bound to my former self. That it was better to begin a new life than end one that seemed to be going off the rails laid out for it. LSD may well have saved my life.
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That said, I remain deeply humbled and grateful that no damage appears to have been done. My actions were reckless; I took at least twice as much as I should have without realizing that it took so long to kick in for me, having assumed stupidly that it was just weaker or more dilute than advertised. Reading further, this appears to be a common mistake, and apparently the time of onset simply varies widely between people. I do not regret being solo, though -- some of the experiences that I had would have been weaker or less authentic or overpoweringly embarrassing and anxiety-provoking had someone else been there observing, and had I not had to make my own way through. I cannot say this is right for most people; frankly it probably isn't. But even in the depths of delirium and insanity I have always been safe with myself.
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I did not expect to have full-blown loss of self and ego death and a thousand alien reincarnations and significant insights about perceived reality and historical changes in the structure of society and the resolution of longstanding psychological issues and an improved social attitude from my first trip. I was expecting to maybe see the walls appear to breathe like I had heard that they would, and maybe feel a bit more peaceful. Oddly, they never did, but I was ultimately very much at peace with the experience, and with experience more generally.
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I may never touch this substance again. Many ancient cultures had one-time initiation rituals into their tribal religions, often as a rite of passage. To me, this has been similar, to say nothing of the risks of what could have been. But if things ever get as bad for me psychologically as they had been before this trip and I am seriously contemplating suicide again, years or decades from now, then perhaps I may consider it. I had gone into this with the attitude of 'what do I have to lose?' and come away with the conclusion that life is amazing and wonderful even in its absurdity, that most of my issues were internal and solvable, that suffering is fundamentally dictated by one's perspective on impermanence, and that society and culture themselves are incredibly subjective and malleable. I understand why psychiatrists experimented with this substance in therapeutic settings in the past. But as with everything, the outcomes can be rather unpredictable. My life and perspective as they had existed needed a shot of chaos, a perturbation in the path of the optimizer before it converged to a singularity-- and I am back in pursuit of my course through life now.<!-- End Body -->
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<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108860</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 25</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 8, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,251</td></tr>
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<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Mystical Experiences (9), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Alone (16)</td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td>
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I've always been really hesitant about trying acid. I have a lot of anxiety problems, and would feel shaky and even fainted once listening to other people's trip stories. The thought of ripping my mind open and losing what seemed like all control was my worst fear. I always thought it'd have to be the perfect day, the perfect mood, and the perfect weather, but it actually wasn't anything near that.
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<br>
My first trip was on a rainy day right after a pretty shit break up. I met up with my friend downtown and he asked if I wanted to drop. All the sudden, I wasn't anxious, and took the bit of paper and popped it in my mouth. The fact that I didn't hype it up made it much more easy and relaxing. Then that was it, I was locked in for the ride. And because I AM such a cliche little anxious baby, I took out my sharpie and drew a mark on my hand. I told myself that I could look at that as a reminder later that it was all just the acid and that if it ever got bad, to just wait it out.
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<br>
We took a bus to nowhere and got out and walked around amongst a ton of people. I started to feel high, the kind of high I get when I eat a pot brownie. Giggly, aloof. I wondered then, and still wonder now, how much of that was placebo and excitement. After an hour, I figured that was it. My whole attitude was 'HAH. Acid is nothing. I could do this anytime of any day'. We decided to walk to Meijers (a good 30 minute walk) to pick up some flowers.
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<br>
10 minutes later we came to a retention pond full of geese. My friend ran to them and tried talking to them. I laughed at him, and figured he was just being a dork, but then he looked at me, genuinely confused, and kept trying to get close to the geese, more weirded out by their rejection each time they backed away. 'Wow' I thought, 'He must be feeling this way more than me'.
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<br>
We started walking again, and not one minute later, there it was. A beacon of sunlight coming out of a cloud. 'Hey, it's god or something'. We both doubled over in laughter for about 4 minutes. Then started talking and walking again, back to normal.
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<br>
5 minutes later, mid sentence, I got distracted. I could think of what I wanted to say and I couldn't think of what I wanted to say. Then thoughts on this branched out into absolutely nothing. I couldn't bother with talking anymore. Then my lungs filled up with air. Like being winded, but trying not to be winded at the same time. I couldn't slow my brain down and it eventually became something immersed in a large lake of what the fuck. We stopped to lie down in a ditch next to an apartment complex (great idea?) and this was incredibly uncomfortable. I couldn't stay still. I asked to get up and leave, and my friend obliged.
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<br>
1.5 hours in, we started talking about exes, and luckily, we both promised we would try to avoid depressing conversations beforehand, and quickly forced ourselves away from this. It was really starting to feel weighty. Breathing was hard, seeing was hard, being was hard. My mind was just a constant vibration. It was uncomfortable, but not unbearable. That is, until we reached Meijer just under 2 hours in...
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<br>
I felt too loud. Too out in the open. Everyone that was looking at me, I just wanted them so desperately to look away. Which was unlikely, since I was the one storming through a crowd of people tripping and wide eyed. Another REALLY odd thing is that acid makes people look SO familiar. I could stare at someone's face, trying to recall where I knew them, and realize that I didn't. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Another REALLY odd thing is that acid makes people look SO familiar. I could stare at someone's face, trying to recall where I knew them, and realize that I didn't.</div></div> Either that, or it just made people look fucked up and hideous beyond all belief (think 'Scary Movie 3' where all the people's faces are warped like in 'The Ring'). It wasn't until we were in a toy aisle that I felt my first stroke of absolute terror. I wanted nothing more than to be at home. I looked at my hand, and said '7 more hours'. It saved my trip. Seriously.
<br>
<br>
Meijers sucked, and gave me a ton of revelations about consumerism. An entire aisle for juice. An entire aisle for hair dye. An entire aisle for shampoo. Etc. Etc. What really got us was the flower center. Being surrounded by beautiful, colorful, good smelling flowers was such a beacon of comfort. We bought a bouquet to carry with us. This was going to be our sword of all that is good on our trip. We traded it often, taking turns carrying it.
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<br>
We decided to just lay in the grass and look at the cloud about 3 or 4 hours in. I was much more settled. Much more calm. My hands were still tingly and my mind was nowhere near normal, but my body was used to the deep breaths, and I could finally just sit back and enjoy the trip. We looked at the stormy clouds, and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I saw the most vivid hallucinations of kaleidoscope formations in the clouds. One repeating one was people, all holding hands in a circle, thousands of them, dancing outwards. It was breathtaking.
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<br>
We finally walked home and talked. About everything. Even exes. And nothing was depressing. We talked a lot about humans and love and consumerism and how we should all be more understanding.
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<br>
8 hours into the trip, we got back to his house, and cuddled. And dyed his hair. I was so tired from all the walking around that I had absolutely no trouble whatsoever passing out and sleeping, feeling absolutely no different than usual the next day.
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I'm not sure if I'd do acid again. I got lucky that I was in the right place at the right time, because I could see how it could go so, so bad. I'm really glad it didn't though.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 90927</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 12, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,032</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=90927&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=90927&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53), First Times (2)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
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<!-- Start Body -->
I almost decided not to take the hit. I had not done it in so long I couldn’t decide if I wanted to or not. That night, however, after going to see a local band at a peace bar with some friends I thought, what could be the worst to happen?
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My world was changed forever. This was not even the first time I tried acid. Nothing has been the same for me since.
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The night I took the hit, I met up with my friend and her boyfriend and after listening to the band, decided to go back to his apartment. I definitely did not want to be driving while tripping. After arriving to his house I realized it was the 25th anniversary of the Grateful Dead blotter. That relaxed me and made me giddy inside. I took one hit. One hit. Doubting hardly any strange feelings would arouse. I was wrong.
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After about 45 minutes, I decided to watch Dazed and Confused. The other people were in another room playing guitar all sitting around together singing. I watched the entire movie confused about the meaning of it all. I couldn't take my eyes off of it.
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When the movie ended, I decided to go into the “guitar” room and jam with all my friends. The effect of the acid was really starting to mess with me. I played the guitar while the strings moved around me and danced while I was playing them. More people started to show up to my friend’s boyfriend’s apartment. I needed air. My friend and I walked outside and decided we wanted to get a Widespread Panic cd out of her boyfriend’s truck. After sitting outside in the cold laughing because we didn’t know how to get in the truck, her boyfriend came out with the keys and unlocked it for us. We sat in his truck for about 30 minutes wondering how to get the cd player open. Everything seemed to take so long to do. I couldn’t figure out why normal things I would attempt to do seemingly took an extra 30 minutes. It was hilarious. I loved this new way of life. I felt like I was literally in slow motion.
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<br>
After discovering the Widespread Panic cd, my friend and I raced back inside, put the disc into the cd player and danced for what seemed a million years. Bare footed, long skirt, my beautiful Grateful Dead necklace tied tightly, I danced until I thought my lungs would burst. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. I loved my life. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I danced until I thought my lungs would burst. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. I loved my life.</div></div> And if I could just dance here, and not do anything for the rest of time, I would be fine. Eventually we got tired, however, and decided to sit in front of the fan and cool off. Watching my skirt blow in front of the fan, I felt like I was at the beach. I imagined myself, drink in one hand, the other hand tracing lines in the sand. This feeling was overwhelming.
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It was getting hot. There were many people in his apartment now. My friend and I didn’t know what to do. We both glanced into his bedroom and saw the window. The window. Our haven. That saved us that night. I will never forget the window and the wonderful memories and closeness it brought. We opened up the window and literally hung out of it, the bottom half of our bodies standing on the bed, while the top half dangling. We stared at the stars and I shot to the moon. I danced around in space for a while, laughing at all the other meaningless people in the other room. Didn’t they know they could fly in space in this room? They were missing out. I was having the time of my life. My friend and I discussed how beautiful bricks were and how there was a Mexican mountain just right above the rooftop. What in the world had I done to myself?
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After coming back to reality and climbing safely back onto the bed, my friend and I began to dance again, swaying to the music. At one point, I touched the boom box ( I still call it that, forgive me.) and I knew right then and there I was at a Panic concert, front row, basking in the gloriousness of JB, Jimmy, Schools, Jojo, Todd, and Sunny. I was the luckiest girl in the world. Who would have known in just an hour, I would be sitting at yet another Panic show this year. I literally felt the music’s vibration. I jolted at this orgasmic feeling.
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<br>
After dancing once again, my friend and I decided to head back to the window. As we climbed out, we began laughing uncontrollably. I don’t know to this day if it was because of how wonderful it felt to be on the outside world, or if it was because at 3 in the morning, we were climbing out a window staring up at the rooftops of houses. A light suddenly came on, we threw ourselves back on the bed. Who in the world was that? Had someone seen us? What would they have thought? This only made us laugh harder. How random. I love random events and awkward moments define my life, but this was a whole new chapter in the book. After about ten minutes and no one had pounded down the door, we relaxed and laid on the bed.
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“Look up at the ceiling, it’s insane!” my friend’s always told me. Man, what a sight. Before even thinking about the ceiling, I glanced around the room and stared at the posters. The most intriguing poster was of The Doors’ Jim Morrison’s face. The only difference than a normal picture was that the background colors were incredibly trippy. I stared at his face and I was happy that we were friends. I felt like I could confide in him and talk to him. My friend and I actually did talk to him. We explained how awkward we felt because the people in the other room were acting so shady! After talking to Jim I felt better. After looking at different posters around the room, my other favorite was the Phish poster to my right. It was the band all gathered around in black and white. It seemed as though they were just there practicing in the studio. I told my friend I felt like I was in the studio with them. I told the boys to turn up the mike a bit and my friend and I actually jammed with Phish for a while.
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<br>
After jamming with Phish, I looked back over at the poster of Jim and I realized he was mad at me. He was REALLY mad at me. He was glaring at me and his nostrils flared. I was scared. I was extremely scared. Even my friend noticed how mad he got! All I could mutter was, “Jim, don’t give me that look…” I just wanted him to be happy again. I couldn’t bare it anymore, so my friend and I hung out of the window again. I enjoyed it so much. The bursts of air, the clear night sky, it was all so intriguing.
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<br>
Finally, daylight was coming about. We had spent the entire night in her boyfriend’s room. We laid in his bed and opened the window and watched the sky as it turned into a dull gray. We also watched her boyfriend and all his friends come out into the living room and talk as if we were not there. It was as if my friend and I were watching a television show. We were invisible. It was all so strange. She put on a Dave Matthews CD (Some Devil) and we stared at a painting by Van Gogh. We realized that the painter doesn’t even have a clue was he is about to do. It is just the miracle of the paint brush and every second it touches the canvas.
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<br>
What a night. I finally fell asleep listening to So Damn Lucky, and realized that I was ready to come down off of this feeling although it had helped me to bond closer to my friend. My life is just a series of incredible awkward moments. And I love it. With or without LSD. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">My life is just a series of incredible awkward moments. And I love it. With or without LSD.</div></div> I haven’t used it in a while and I might never drop again. But if I do, I know the random events that will happen will be life altering and mind changing for my world at least.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68181</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 28, 2018</td><td>Views: 1,646</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68181&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68181&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Glowing Experiences (4), General (1)</td></tr>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">118 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
<span class="erowid-warning">[Erowid Note:
A substance(s) in this report might be identified incorrectly. Erowid reviewers question the author's identification of the drug described. Although the report is included in the collection, the substance might be something other than the author believed it to be.]</span>
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<br>
Let me start off by saying this was for 2nd experience with LSD. I am extremely fond of the drug, and knew alot about most well known psychedelics, and many less well known ones. I had been very interested in LSD in perticular, and seeked it out for over a year before this experience(yes, I know whats your thinking,'You at least found it, and with only a year of search').
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When I was able to obtain it, my only source was extremely reliable and I feel to be the only person that I have ever heard say that they know app. How much LSD they took. My source obtained blotters and other forms of acid directly from huge European suppliers, so all of my doses were lab tested in places where it is legal to do so. Most doses I had averaged at app 110mcg.
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Also, please dont think about my age, age is no indication of maturity, and I had used pot heavily for app 1 year and a half before even learning about any psychedelics, which in itself had brought me into the path of enlightenment. I spent alot of freetime researching chemisty and psychology at the time, and later became more interested in philosophy too.
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I bought 10 lsd tablets. 3 of which were Albert Hofmann 100th aniversery blotters(Also refered to as Bicycle Day blotters), 1 Ganesha blotter, 1 random liquid drop that happened to be dropped on thick paper but not blotter, and 5 liquid dropped sour patch kid candies. All contained +/- 110mcg, the one liquid drop or hofmanns being the strongest and the ganesha being the weakest.
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Now to get to the experience. It was New Years Eve. There wasn't much planning but this was when I first started to use psychedelics so I wasn't that mentally prepared for what it really was, and not just what I read about. I was to take 2 Hofmann blotters at app. 8 o clock p.m, Saturday, take a shower and masturbate, trip out all night in my room, and go to sleep in the morning for a few hours before I went to a family cook out.
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Its also important that my first time ever taking lsd was exactly 4 days before, on tuesday night. I had taken the one ganesha blotter and had an uplifting and euphoric experience, but not any sort of psychedelic experience really. More like just taking a stimulant with wierd body sensations and some slight visual and mental differences. I would presume that the blotter had app. 85mcg. In reality, it was just getting high on another substance.
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T0.00- Sitting in my room in the dark (hoping to not damage the LSD), I take out my little drug box from the bottom drawer of my dresser, where I keep all drug related items. I set the box on my computer desk and open it to see a few little empty baggies, a small plastic case containing about a gram of 99.8% pure molly, and one bag containing a small piece of tin foil containing small paper squares. I take out the blotters from the bag and foil and set them on my desk. I pick one up and stare at it for a while, thinking about what to expect. I had very little expectations at all, for the entire week since the last experience I couldn't tell if I even had felt anything on tuesday night. I have to note that I had extreme fear at this time. I was seriously pushing myself to eat the blotters. I had much excitement to take them, but I was also very afraid of the outcome. I had no idea what to expect from taking twice the dose I had taken last time, and just under the dosage that was popular in the 60s. I put the blotters on my tounge and immediately notice a stronge bitter taste, which I was warned to avoid. I almost instantly spit out the now clump of wet paper due to panic that it might be ridiculously strong or contain some sort of other substance, but instead I take one of the blotters out of the clump and rip it in half. I watch the ripped piece of wet blotter sitting on my computer desk. I think about whether I am wasting the half of blotter or not by letting it sit in air while the LSD is dissolved in my saliva, and I throw it back in my mouth. I told myself at this point there is no going back, that blotter was already in the situation. After the blotters are officially being chewed and sucked on, I turn my light on and pop call of duty Modern Warfare 2 in my xbox 360 to pass time while I wait for it to come on. The time is app. 8:30pm. I swallowed the papers about 15 minutes into chewing them. I spent the next hour paying little attention to the online matches I was playing and alot of attention on whether I would be ridiculously fucked up or not. I was really worried, being New Years Eve, that one of my family members, particulary my mother, would walk in on me laying on my bed staring at my ceiling and talking to myself with huge pupils.
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<br>
There was also an intense fear of a bad trip, since I had never actually fully tripped on the drug before, I had no idea what to expect, plus the night before had been terrible. I had gotten into a fight with my father which ended up with me and him in tears and me fearing he would commit suicide. I had gone home from his house and the last time I had talked to him was on the phone after he left, in which I told him I was worried about him and was appologizing. This hadn't come up in my mind again untill after I had taken the one drug rumored to give a person who experienced something like that recently with no resolution the worst fear ever imagined. I have to say during my anticipation, I was extremely worried, and was no longer anticipating a good trip, which made it worse because I kept thinking about how I couldnt change anything that happens in the past.
<br>
(Let me note that this was the worst experience of the night, before the drug even took effect.)
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T+0:55- I first notice alerts. I had no idea what was going to happen at first, but when it did I definetly noticed. My vision began to flash, like a stobe light. I turned and looked at my wall, which was doing it too. I leaned up from my laying on stomach gaming position and the mind effects suddenly hit me. Everything that I had been thinking about suddenly vanished, it was like the effects of the drug was the only thing that I was focusing on. That in no way describes what I had experienced at the time. I sat down at my computer desk and looked around my room. Everything was colliding with each other in this strange kaliedoscopic swirling pattern. It was like there was a 360 degree rainbow in my vision, with different layers on everything. My mind was racing in all directions at this point, and I kept trying to almost decribe to myself what was going on. Its was like I was watching everything happen, then over and over and over would watch the same thing happen. It felt like deja vu, like I had this experience many times before and knew exactly was going on. I kept repeating to myself,' THIS is what its like, I understand now. I understand. I understand.' Everything seemed to be going in loops. When I moved it felt like I only had to use effort for the first movement and then it became a symmetrical and repeating process. I still felt entirely in control of myself. I felt like I was more in control than ever. I felt like I was more a human being than ever. I would sit there and stare at things for hours, look at my phone, and the minute hadnt even changed. Everything was happening so fast pace, yet everything was going so slow. I moved my arm to pick up something(at the time I cant remember what it was because I never ended up picking it up) and noticed trailing images following the movement of my arm. I stared with amaze. I suddenly remembered a report of a government test on an artist who was given a total of 110mcg of lsd. In the report it said for a while he layed down on his bed and seemed to become strangly fascinated with something above him, and was moving his arms around in the air. This brought back the thought of understanding. To understand how others feel, what they were thinking about, what others perceptions were at the moment that they were thinking and feeling. This had all been within about 20 minutes.
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<br>
T+1:30- At this point I definetly felt like I could handle the drug easily and not act like an idiot, so I went up stairs to take a shower. I walked past my mom in our living room, luckily there was a huge christmas tree taking up most of her vision, but I felt as if everyone I had seen felt exactly how I felt at the moment, being able to see all, feel all, understand all. I perticularly felt like I was watching the world move and progress. I made it up stairs into the bathroom with a towel. I looked at myself in the mirror, at my pupils, and noticed they were HUGE. Because I was tripping I felt like they kept getting bigger and bigger like an outward progressing spiral. This made me laugh, I'm not entirely sure why. I turn the shower on and undress. I feel like I'm being watched from everywhere. This feeling is easy to bypass because it is obviously not true, and the universe doesnt care if I'm naked.
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<br>
I step into the shower/bath combo. The water is very hot and steamy, but comfortable. It really got my trip going more, the walls of the shower were developing small app. Half inch size tiles which were then morphing into hexagons and swirling. I felt extremely euphoric, but also a little unnerving. I figured since I had the opportunity, I will masturbate to see what sex feel slike on acid. There was a wierd auditory effect which made it seem like every sound was at the same pitch, so people would be able to hear the slight tapping sound over the roaring over the water. This was more challenging to bypass, because the feeling kept following me all night, in which I purposely tried to keep my speaking and noise making to a minimun to reduce the chance of seeing someone and having to act sober around them. During the deed, I noticed touch almost felt like numbness, but not like dxm in which it actually was numbness, but like normal sense is replaced with this oversense of everything thats there. Like I could feel my skin, and my skin within my skin. Impossible to describe, but it was a very great feeling. Definetly made masturbation<!--sex--> over the top amazing. During the 'peak experience'(not Leary's peak experience lmao) if felt like I lost reality. I fell to my knees in the shower because I was no longer in existence and didnt know how to control my body because everything was a big swirl for a single moment. I came out of it as quick as I went in but it felt like forever at the time. Imediately after my mind dwindled on whether people in my house would hear that and be like,'Wtf did this kid just slip or something?' During part of the shower I started thinking about my father. After feeling depressed for what seemed like a long time but was probably only a few minutes, I came to realize that what happened had only brought us closer. I can't explain it but everything bad that happened had changed us both for the better. This gave me the feeling that I had lifted a tremendous weight off my shoulders.
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<br>
T+2:00- I finished taking the shower and am now back in my room. As I walked through the living room my mother told me that she was going to sleep because no one was around to have a party and watch the ball drop. This lifted another weight as now I had no worry about whether or not I was going to be with her for a decent amount of time.
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<br>
The time was now app 10:30, and I felt like I had been tripping for days already. This didn't bother me at all, and I liked very much the feeling of having an endless amount of time. I spent most of the next hour or so moving around my room in and out of comfortable positions. I felt like everything kept repeating itself. I felt like I would read a txt, and a minute later get a txt and think that I had already read it. I was focusing alot on my visual field. It seemed that purples and blues were almost dominating, and that hexagons kept forming, moving towards me, then smaller ones would form and do the same thing. It was just like one of those psychedelic moving pictures that you see people have as tags to their forum profiles, where you are entering a coloring and symmetrical tunnel, but instead of being like what I now know is basically tripping on dmt, it was like a clear image of that over what I normally see. From about this point on, most of the experience was combined with different types of music from my ipod, include the beatles, alot of random music that I dont remember(Ipod was stolen long ago) and this one rave song that my friend that does e alot showed me. I first listened to the rave song and it was like my body rejected it. When I turned it on I felt like my ears were exploding and everything that was going on was losing its grip. It seemed like there was so much violence coming from the music. I ripped the headphones out of my ear and changed the song to Strawberry Fields Forever by The Beatles. This song proved a good choice, as I felt like I knew exactly how John Lennon felt. Back to Understanding thought loops.
<br>
<br>
T+3:25-I keep moving around on my bed because everywhere that I sit or lay is uncomfortable. Its not like it was ridiculously unbearing, and it didnt change my trip at all, at least that I noticed. I would just lay down, and after a minute realize that I was breathing strangly and start manually breathing. Inhale, exhale, it just became another pattern. I can only assume to everyone else that I could have possible seen, I would look like I was breathing extremely fast, because I would be thinking and enjoying my CEVs; which aren't very much different from the OEVs; and because time is going slow I try to breath at a 'normal' rate but in reality its probably alot faster. My vision is made up of living things, which yes it obviously is, but at the time I never thought about it before. There were floating letters and eyes and pyramids. In the center of my vision is a hexagon that keeps changing sizes and producing more hexagons, and in my peripherals it was mainly intense color and swirling circles that almost looked like diamonds. All of a sudden me moving around induces another Understanding thought loop. I think about how people end up in bad trips. This doesn't bring me down or anything but I keep thinking that I can easily see someone who isn't prepared for this go downhill real fast when it kicks in. This makes me wonder about why I didnt experience a bad trip. I was almost in the perfect set for a bad trip, and it completely reversed on me. I sit and wonder about why people even look at this drug negatively at all, and then am imediatly sucked back into what I had just thought about with how people end up in bad trips. One crazy thought loop, and it really smacked me in the face with a laugh because I had completely forgotten the conclusion I came to not 2 hours ago(two hours in my head, probably not even a minute).
<br>
<br>
T+3:30-(Its the New Year. Yayy. This moment actually had nothing to do with the bullshit time schedual, but is about a girl. Yes.)
<br>
I recieve a txt from MK, a girl that I was interested in for a short amount of time mabye back in august or something, I can't remember. We went out once but she lived extremely far away and I had very few methods of transportation. The text says,' Happy New Years'. I imediately comprehend this as some sort of sign. I'm was at the peak of the greatest experience of my life, and out of nowhere this person txts me(I didn't think about the fact that people send out txts to everybody saying 'Happy New Years').
<br>
<br>
I send some sort of reply that I can't remember, and we begin to have a conversation. I was amazed. I kept thinking,'What are the odds of her texting me now? Now. NOW. Now?'. I felt like we were having an extremely deep conversation. I hadn't talked to her in probably a few months now. I'm telling her about how I had taken acid and feel like I'm connecting with everything so deeply, about how acid is like a straight up intellectual shot that snaps you right into the most drastic and understanding state of mind. I feel like I feel everything. EVERYTHING. When there is any sort of altered energy you can feel it. Everything exists. And everything that exists is happening now. And it always will be happening now. She didn't and some other people she was with didn't believe me, so I sent them a picture of my eye. After that there was no argument. We continue talking for awhile, and she sends me a text telling me about a kid that is bothering her through text messages. This leads into a downward spiral conversation with me trying to change the subject and ending with her asking me to tell them to stop. Crash, horrible moment. This girl apparently knows nothing about LSD. I felt like she was asking me to go pick a fight with a few 19 years olds.
<br>
<br>
(I have been a passafist ever since I started smokin pot. Fighting is pointless and doesn't resolve anything but spontanious anger, and the pain you feel afterwards is alot worse than whatever the person did to make you fight them. I'm not talking about physical pain, thats easy to bypass, but the emotional distress that can't be suppressed. Smoking pot just makes me think about it more.)
<br>
<br>
I asked her what the issue is. Two kids that are 16 and 17 are texting this 13 year old girl asking for pictures of her naked. I laughed to myself, and following was my fear for what the world has become. I sent her a text back saying if she sends it to me ill tell them to stop(definetly was a joke, but also wasn't hoping for her to take it as one). Instantly I'm propelled into a theory creation. I see another simple pattern. Girl talks to boy, boy asks for naked picture, girl says no, boy bothers her more, girl seeks rescue only for the cycle to continue. Before she even replies I tell her my discovery in a text. When I recieve a text back it is replying to what I had first said, saying pretty much omg stopp thats exactly whats been happeniingggg<!--(you know girl text exagerations back in high school)-->. I send her a text saying Lol while I recieve the txt agreeing with my discovery. Now I'm thinking about how stupid this whole situation was to begin with. Everything thats going on now is. Soon after this I stop talking to Marykate because I couldnt feel the vibration of the phone over the vibration of the music I was listening to in the dark laying on my bed in my room. I feel like my chest is being sucked inward almost. The patterns in my vision or moving in kaliedoscopic rythmes to the music.
<br>
<br>
T+3:46-I decide now is a good time to go for a short walk to a park near my house. Since its 12:16 I don't have to worry about running into many people when I go out in public. I put my jacket on and place my ipod in the right hip pocket. I wait to put the headphones on untill I get outside so I can make sure I don't make alot of noise leaving. My mother doesn't care if I leave the house, but I don't want to wake anyone up in the middle of the night. Once I get outside I start to get really paranoid. Not 'OMG I'M IN THE DARK, A CREATURES GONNA EAT ME!', I just feel like I'm being watched from all angles. I walk as fast as I can because I feel like I'm moving extremely slow and everyone else will stare at me. I put the music on my ears as I walk up my driveway. Once I get to the top of my small hill, I hear something. I thought it was real at the time so it really freaked me out. I was into the music and lost in my mind and I'm suddenly snapped back to reality by this voice. I automatically whipped out the headphones and turned my head to see if anyone was around. Not a person in sight, no cars. I put my headphones back in. The song hadnt even progressed 2 lines. I was listening to some house music. Not quite as hardcore as the rave music, but it was extremely upbeat for just normal house instead of being like love and ecstasy. The video contained alot of strobe light images so it was definetly the music trippin me out into a much deeper state in which I started hearing things.
<br>
<br>
(The entire night I felt like I had been hearing things, now that I bring it up. I kept thinking I was hearing like echos, and could hear people conversations perfectly from 20 feet away behind a closed door. And I would think alot and alot and then randomly realize I've been speaking my thoughts out loud, but then I'm not sure if I was actually speaking my thoughts or not. There were times when I definetly had said something. I would be thinking deeply and forget where I am and then randomly snap back because I just began to speak out my thoughts. They were forming abstract sentences when I actually speaked them out. I can't think of an example but it was usually when I was thinking about like the Earths natural beauty, or about how other people were feeling at the moment.)
<br>
<br>
The walk is about 1/4 mile total. Strange, I didn't remember it taking this long to walk that distance. I feel like cars kept passing me, yet it still seemed like there was a huge gap of time between when the cars would pass. I have to walk up the street, turn left, walk up the street and up a small hill, and cross the street somewhere along the way. I get the sound effect 2 more times before I decide to not put the headphones in again. Its definetly a voice, although I don't understand what its saying, the way it talks sounds almost like entering a tunnel, if that even makes an actual sound other than a placebo from feeling enclosed. It isn't speaking english, but unlike what I hear about the 'mushroom voice' I can't make out what its trying to tell me. I feel like I keep leaning to the side as I walk. I also feel like I'm falling forward and backwards at the same time. Its like a repeating cycle of spiraling patterns, you can feel it and see it. I feel like everyone is in their windows watching me. Even though its pitch black out, it seems ridiculously bright to me. Not like everything is like daytime, but I feel like I can see things that I wouldn't be able to see if I was high at night. I also have no loss in direction, I remember how to get places, where I am and how to get home. I kept hearing stories from this hippy guy I know where people couldn't find there way home on acid. It might have been metaphorical I suppose, but he just seemed like a guy that would go out and do drugs and get fucked up, not like an actual 'hippy'.
<br>
<br>
After I take the turn I can see the park. It starts about halfway up the hill accross the street, but there is a grassy area accross the street all the way to the light, so I cross right away. I felt like I was gonna see a car coming towards me as I walked accross the street. I wasn't afraid of getting hit or anything, I just felt like I was in the road for so long that a car should have come.
<br>
<br>
I am across the road and start walking fast again. I would have been doing it the whole time but I forgot that I was going to. I walk by this tree/bush combination that is about 20 feet long and is between the road and where I'm walking. I feel some sort of reassurance that I'm away from peoples eyes.
<br>
<br>
As I'm walking up the hill, I look at the ground. It seems as if about 4 feet in front of me there is some sort of warped trench in the ground, and it moves forward as I move forward. Tripping outside and at night is truely amazing. Everything feels so calm and connecting. I am now walking across a soccer/Lacross field. The trench goes along with my feeling that I'm falling forward as I walk. I look up at the sky and see the most amazing scene I've ever experienced in my life. As I walked the sky created a multidimensional plain. It was filled with life and diamonds and gigantic pyramids. I couldn't help but get the feeling this is why pyramids popped up all over the world with no connection to each other.
<br>
<br>
I feel like its taking so long to get across this field. I'm only half way there so I'm gonna start running now. This area seems so open. Seems sketchy to me, as I feel like everyone can see me look like I'm falling forward. There is a snack shack and bathrooms up ahead. In the front of it they made a patio with a roof and a picnik table. There is an extremely bright light coming from the side of the building, but I feel like it reaches everywhere in the whole park. I feel people watching me. I run to the building and stand on a side with shade. I hardly feel comfortable, there is still plenty of light surrounding me. I think about what I would say if I ran into a cop, how it would be easy to lie my way out and walk home, but I wasn't sure if he would notice I was tripping. I know I look fine, but I feel like I don't. I move around the building and sit down at the table on the patio. I'm litterally standing in a bait spot. Its pitch black everywhere for miles and I'm sitting at a table under a light. I start getting extremely nervous. I can't escape the light no matter where I go. I get up and walk on to the parking lot, which is right in front of the patio. There is a large area to park to my left, and a small road leading to another area to park right in front of my. I keep walking in circles in the parking lot without realizing it. I keep walking to one side of the parking lot to see if it will be out of the light, and then I forget what I'm doing only a few feet ahead and stand in place. Then I turn around and walk towards the other side. I will look over at a darker area, and then jog to where it was.When I get there I panic because it is just as bright as before. I go over and sit on a guardrail next to the parking lot. It is just as bright as where I ran from.
<br>
<br>
(This whole walk is hard to describe in detail because it was really just the same thing happening over and over. Well, the whole trip really was just the same thing happening over and over but either way. I don't make it seem like it would have been that long of a time, but it definetly did feel like hours and hours. I shall move on.)
<br>
<br>
I look up at the sky to escape the fear I'm experiencing. Its the most amazing thing I've ever seen. The most amazing thing anyone could ever see. I start to tear at the pure bliss I feel. My mind is running extremely wild, and for the first time since I've been out, I think about the temperature. I don't feel cold at all, but I can feel the piercing wind. I look at my hands which have turned bright red. This alarms me, so I reach into my pocket to check the clock on my phone. What the hell its 1:46? I can't help but think how strange it is, not that its been an hour and a half, but that its been exactly an hour and a half. I feel like its telling me to leave this place. I walk across the small road to the buildings side and start crossing the field. I'm moving quickly, fast walking, because this park is making me more and more nervous as time goes on. There is the same pattern on the ground. Its still very strange but it was very cool to look at. I couldn't take the smile off my face.
<br>
<br>
I feel like its taking even longer to walk this field now. I check my phone again and its already been 7 minutes, the amount of time it takes me to walk a half mile normally. I'm extremely puzzled. I turn my head and look at the parking lot. I watch a police officer pull in to the parking lot of the park. Panicked, I lay in grass because I still feel like the light can reach me(even tho I'm 3/4s of a soccer field away and the light is facing the opposite direction). The car drives to the end of the parking lot, turns around, and exits. It drives up the road towards me, but I'm not near the road so it wasn't close enough to see me. I stand up and jog untill I get across the road. I cross earlier this time, so I'm on the other side of the street on the sidewalk as I walk past the bush/tree combo.
<br>
<br>
I see the light from a car coming from behind me, and get nervous. I stop moving and pull out my phone, just in case I was walking crooked like I feel like I do, and to make it look like I had a reason to stand in place. All of a sudden I hear a voice. Not the same tunnel sounding voice I heard earlier, but a human, female voice. Its saying,'Hey.' I look next to me and am extremely startled to see a small car, mabye an older honda civic(I was really freaked out because no ones ever pulled over and asked me if I needed a ride before, and I'm on ACID, so I didn't have a chance to look at the car really. I appologize.), parked on the side of the road. A good looking girl of mabye age 19 is asking,' Do you need a ride?'.
<br>
'Ehh, No thanks I'm fine. I live right up hear.'I reply slow, I couldn't think of what to say. It felt like I was on the spot.
<br>
'Ok,' She drives on. I resume movement towards my house, even more eager to get home. At this point there is a very, very heavy thought that I am going to die if I don't get home soon. I can't feel the temperature difference, so have no idea if I'm in mid hypothermia. I start fast walking again.
<br>
<br>
I get around the corner and see my driveway. Just another few hundred feet. I put the headphones back in thinking that it will pass time quicker because I know I'll still be walking for a while. I start listening to a song, but am not enjoying it really, I take the headphones out and look down at my Ipod touch. I scroll through my songs to find one a want to listen to. My vision suddenly flashes red and blue, I look up to see a police car about 20 feet ahead driving towards me on the opposite side of the road with his lights flickering. He flicks them on, off, on, off within a second or so duration of time, and keeps driving forward. I feel frozen but can tell my legs are still moving. I keep walking forward and turn around to see if the cop went straight. There was no vehicle on the straight so he must have turned. I get probably one of the worst and scariest feelings I've ever felt(Very very funny and IRONIC that I get this feeling from our 'protectors'), and sprint full throttle towards my driveway. I run down my driveway and get to the stairs leading up to my door, when I hear a car coming. I look at the road and see the police car drive by going in the opposite direction. I sigh in relief and walk up to my door.
<br>
<br>
I walk through my living room and look at my christmas tree with lights. I stop and stare for moment, and then move towards my room. Once I get inside I turn my light on and crash onto my bed. I filled a void by making it back, but I still feel like I got hypothermia, My hands are not functioning well and are bright red. I run them under cold water in my bathroom for a few minutes. It took a little bit for me to reassure myself, but there is nothing wrong.
<br>
<br>
T+6:00- The next few hours after 2:30 were not very important to make many notes. I spent most of the time listening to music, and continuously moving around my room in circles. I searched the song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the Beatles, and was blown away by how perfect of a description for LSD the song is. It may not have had the intent, but it is a vivid picture of a trip put into words. I had to have listened to it 10 times at the least.
<br>
<br>
T+8:40-I start to use my creative state to draw. I start to draw a few geometric images, forming strange structures resembling different crystal formations. It takes me about an hour to draw a larger hexagon shaped pattern, afterwards I am very proud of my image. I take a picture and send it to one of my friends, with a text saying,' Wait till you trip for the first time.'
<br>
<br>
T+11:00-I have significantly come down my this point. There is still a very strong sense of visual and physical differences, but its not anywhere near its full capacity. Everything has become dull, and I feel physically strained. I had been up for over 24 hours, and Was ready to pass out, but I was still having extreme difficulty falling asleep. I took out my one hitter and packed it. I took one pull, and imediately brought back some power to the trip, altho not anything spectacular. It gave the trip a less desirable effect, to say the least. I felt more out of control. When I closed my eyes I could see vivid images of what I was thinking of. Its not like I was actually seeing it, but more like my already strong visual sense of memory was heightened. I couldn't control my thoughts as much, and they were leading into a much more negative cycle. I saw abstract images of blood stained walls and felt the pain of everyone.
<br>
<br>
T+14:40(10:10)-It took me a while but I managed to fall asleep. I still had slight visual alterations. I wasn't still tripping, but I felt like my mind was stretched behond exhaustion.
<br>
<br>
T+20:00- I am now at the party. Mental effects still linger, and I only got at the most 4 and a half hours of sleep, so I am ready for a full day of rest. I can't decide what to make of my experience. It was definetly a grand one, but I am very afraid to go back into that state of mind any time soon. I feel like I have no desire to take LSD again at all.
<br>
<br>
(Less than a week later, I dosed about 165mcg in the car on my way to a resort in The Berkshires. After I had time to rest I was eager to make another leap of faith.)<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 97314</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 15</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 18, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,347</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=97314&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=97314&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Background: when I was 17, I hitched hiked around Australia and stayed at the infamous Hippie House in Darwin (top of Australia) which was the last outpost of the famous Hippie Trail and it became a temporary home to hundreds of freaks and heads from every part of the world. Prior to this trip, I had only smoked a bit of cannabis. I will use the language of the time, as we spoke it.
<br>
<br>
I had only just settled into the Hippie House in McMinn Street and a young slick American head, reeking of patchouli turned up one night and asked me if I wanted to a buy a 4Way Acid microdot to be cut with a razor if I wanted to share.
<br>
<br>
I had a great desire to use Acid because I had heard so much about it and felt like a virgin in a whorehouse, without any preparation or forethought I swallowed the tab with a swig of coca cola and thought – how bad can it be? I then went into the kitchen to play chess with my friend Jacque the Frenchman, he was stoned and I told him I had just swallowed a 4Way Trip and asked him what to expect.
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<br>
He asked me if I had tripped before, I said “no”, he looked at me as if to say “you’re fucked”, but laughed it off and told me to relax and enjoy the ride. I started to feel a sense of intense anxiety in the pit of my stomach, so I went outside to get some air.
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<br>
When Father Spillane-my childhood parish priest- suddenly appeared in a sharp hallucinatory form, wagging his critical finger at me as I sat on the back steps, I knew I was in for a rough time. I needed to start walking to calm the rising panic that began to well up. I thought if I went to the local shop that would calm me down.
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<br>
Everyone in the house appeared to be tripping or stoned, so off I set, as the trip gained intensity I began crossing a busy main road, it was around dusk and the world looked very, very strange, the anxiety in my gut and the feeling of an absolute impending doom, struck me half way across the road, I felt the heat of the car lights on my skin and I knew I was going to die.
<br>
<br>
I looked at the road culvert and planned to run for the safety of the roadside, but the concrete roadside gutter rose up in the air about 15 to 20 feet high as I began to move towards it. My own fear was perfectly projected onto reality, I froze solid in the middle of the road, I could not move, even though some part of me knew these were my own projections the fear was just too strong.
<br>
<br>
The heat of the car lights, now car horns were upon me, in my knowledge and acceptance of my horrible but inevitable death, I suddenly remembered (or appeared to remember) how I had died in the distant past, by drowning; the images of some people pulling my body out of the ocean were as clear as any ‘normal ‘ reality.
<br>
<br>
As I waited for the first car to slam into my paralyzed body an angel suddenly appeared, grabbing me by the arms and pulling me off the road. It was my friend Wolfgang the young German guy from Berlin. He spoke gently “Are you alright? It’s alright. It’s alright. You freaked out on the road man, not cool, not cool!” I suddenly dropped into near normal perception and thanked him for saving my life (which was exactly how it appeared to me).
<br>
<br>
There were a bunch of us now in various states of mind alteration walking, ahead of me was earth mother Sue I had only spoken to her a few times previously, but a strange phenomenon started to happen, in the distance massive black clouds were building which was normal for the tropical wet season and lightning flashes would occur, after each flash I would feel a buzz of electricity enter my bare feet and tingle through the body.
<br>
<br>
I asked earth mother Sue if she felt this too, she said yes, and immediately we were bonded, each sentence she spoke seemed to hold great wisdom, great insight, in all my life I had never heard such profundity. She told me I was already high and was seeking to be grounded, that was my spirit quest, she however was too much grounded and wanted to get high, always higher, this was her frustration and spirit quest. Looking back she may have been talking complete crap but to me it was the ultimate insightful wisdom.
<br>
<br>
I started to relax as earth mother Sue talked me down in soothing tones, and suddenly everything was fine, ecstatic in fact. When we got back to the house, loud music was playing it could have been the Moody Blues Knights in White Satin or perhaps Jethro Tull singing Mother Goose from the album Aqualung; whatever it was, it was riveting, penetrating my nervous system with joyous powerful surges, strawberry incense was burning and as I smelt it, it was liquid love, taking me into deeper ecstasy until I couldn't see anything except brilliant white light and the world would come and go in it.
<br>
<br>
Later someone said that acid was a truth serum, I found that to be the case, because the longer the trip lasted the more I felt isolated and separate form all beings, I thought, this mental construct, summed it totally “ The empty hallways of life.”
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<br>
There was no meaning to be had anywhere, this insight stuck with me and was not depressing but rather in its obvious and irrevocable truth, it was liberating.
<br>
<br>
Postscript: I never took acid again, it was a once and only experience for me, too harsh and in my case awakened too much 'truth” you may say, I like this quote, it stands the test of time: “LSD without a doubt, without a shadow of a doubt, whatever else you will say about it, will change completely a person’s world view, forever; it will never be the same again, whether the experience was positive or negative”- Dr. Ralph Metzler<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1972</td><td width="90">ExpID: 97785</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 29, 2018</td><td>Views: 1,810</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=97785&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=97785&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
My Most Noteworthy LSD Trip
<br>
<br>
This is the true story, of a most harrowing and roller coaster-like trip on LSD, taken by me and two friends back in 1993. There
<br>
Was my white friend Drew, whose house we were at during the trip, and my black friend Brandon, who supplied the LSD. We dosed at about 9:00 PM.
<br>
<br>
Dosage: Now this part is interesting, and to this day I'm still not sure exactly how much LSD was taken by me, and here is the reason.. Brandon asked me if I wanted to 'dose', and I said excitedly, 'I sure do!'. So he took a sheet of white blotter LSD out of his pocket and then out of some cigarette cellophane. He wanted to have circle shaped tabs of acid, so he had taken a paper punch and punched out the circular pieces. What remained was a square piece of paper with a bunch of holes in it. The sheet of acid looked kind of like a 'paper snowflake' that you make by folding up some paper and cutting little pieces out of it, then unfolding the paper. Brandon basically took a huge piece of this 'holey' paper, (about 1/4 of the entire sheet) and told me, 'open your mouth and lift up your tongue' so I did, and in went the acid! It must have been between 500 to 1500 ug, assuming 100 micrograms is the standard for one dose. I am guessing the amount I took was fairly high, because at the time of this trip I was already an experienced user, having tripped about 7 other times before, but never reaching the kind of intense clarity and distortion that was about to unfold in my mind.
<br>
<br>
The trip begins:
<br>
About 45 minutes after eating this rather Large 'wad' of white blotter paper, I started to feel something. It was an excited feeling, but anxious too, because I knew that I had just ate a lot of acid. Indeed I had, and about 1 hour into the trip I began realizing what I was in for. The room started spinning wildly, and so I sat down on the living room couch downstairs, by myself. I looked across the room at the wallpaper which was a simple diagonal mesh pattern with diamonds in between the lines. The wall seemed to be 'breathing' in and out, which I've heard is a common effect while on LSD, but the wall was moving pretty far in distance as it did this. I began to notice that the pattern of the wallpaper was making some kind of 'noise', and I didn't want to hear it anymore so closed my eyes.
<br>
<br>
I then stood up off the couch to see if I could walk, and that's when I felt the most terrible pain in my stomach. It hurt SO BADLY, that I couldn't even stand up straight. So I stood hunched over, my body basically forming a 90 degree angle, and I held my stomach in my hands and held on for dear life. I wondered how it was that I could be feeling a large butcher's knife stabbing at me, when there was nothing there! Oh the pain! Would it ever cease? All I wanted to do was stand up like a normal person! So, I kept fighting to right myself up, thinking that if I just kept stretching slowly, I could stand all the way up again. <!--I have now heard that sometimes bad LSD is laced with strychnine, a poison used for killing small rodents like mice and rats, and this causes sharp pains in the abdomen. -->Whatever the case may have been, I would soon discover that this was VERY GOOD acid.
<br>
<br>
90 minutes into the trip: My friend Drew, whose house I was at, came downstairs crying. He was beginning to trip too, in fact all three of us were starting to trip pretty hard. He said that he had just gotten off the phone with his girlfriend and they had a huge fight. So, he was going to drive his car into the suburbs of Chicago, to her house, by himself (and tripping on acid!), a 45
<br>
minute trip, one way! I wished him good luck, and off he went. <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span>
<br>
<br>
With Drew gone, I thought that I would wander upstairs to his bedroom and see what Brandon was up to. He was playing video games and so I sat down on the couch behind him to watch. The game was Wipeout XL for the original Playstation One. Wipeout XL is a spaceship racing game that has amazing, colorful, tunnel like tracks, That the space ships speed down culminating in an incredible 3-D effect. It's a very trippy game, even when you're not on drugs. When I closed my eyes, I could still see the screen, as if my eyes were still open! Closing my eyes caused me to 'become' the Spaceship. I became very content to lay back in the couch with my eyes closed and 'see' myself speeding down this futuristic race track. The music of Wipeout XL was cutting edge electronica from major techno artists like The Prodigy, Chemical Brothers, and my all time favorite tripping song by CoLD SToRAGE called 'Canada'. The music was just so intense, and it complimented perfectly as I
<br>
hovered down the race tracks in my mind, at blinding speeds! This was so much fun, and it went on for about an hour.
<br>
<br>
2 hours 30 minutes in: Brandon finally noticed me, sitting on the couch behind him, and he got in my face. He was smiling wide and his teeth were so white compared to his skin, they seemed to be glowing. But all was not well, I believed that I had called him a 'n-word', and that must be why he was getting in my face and being so excited. Brandon was saying, 'You called me a n-word! What do you mean man? How could you call me that? Oh man you're in big trouble! How could you do it, oh... How could you!?'
<br>
<br>
I was so frightened that in my psychedelic haze, I had accidentally let it slip out and called my friend the n-word! This was disastrous! I felt all of these strangely amplified emotions slapping my body, as if I was walking through an automated car wash and being hit by the spinning cloth brushes. Then I opened my eyes, and Brandon was still sitting in the same place playing his video game. None of it had really happened! My eyes had been closed the entire time! I had never called him a
<br>
name, and he had never gotten in my face! It was all just a dream! My mind was simply dealing with the complex emotions and issues of racism, and I had just had an LSD-induced waking dream with my eyes closed! I sat there stunned for the next 30 minutes, really not wanting to close my eyes anymore.
<br>
<br>
4 hours after dosing: I went downstairs to find that Drew had gotten home from his adventure. He was tripping real hard, and told me that the cops had pulled him over, but because he was crying so much they didn't notice he was tripping. He told me that it was almost impossible to drive, that all the street lights were creating these long trails and everything was so blurry. He said that dealing with his girlfriend was really hard, and that her emotions were very strange to him, while on acid. I congratulated him on surviving the police encounter and his girlfriend, then we went upstairs into his bedroom, and smoked some marijuana with Brandon.
<br>
<br>
Around this time, Brandon completely disappeared, and I never saw him again for the duration of the trip. I have no idea where he went, and he was nowhere to be found the next morning.
<br>
<br>
4 hours 30 minutes in: Drew began playing video games on the Playstation and I was becoming fascinated with his electronic Casio piano keyboard. We were both in his bedroom just doing our tripped out thing. As I played the Casio piano, I realized that I was a virtuoso. I knew entire symphonies and could play them with ease. The Casio sounded so much like a real piano, and I was in heaven, composing music for what seemed like an eternity.
<br>
<br>
After jamming on the piano for about 30 minutes, I noticed that something was amiss. Upon further inspection, I realized that there were no batteries in the keyboard! And then it hit me! I came to the realization that the LSD had unlocked a part of my mind that had powers to know the exact pitch of every key of the piano! As I pressed the keys, my mind would recreate the correct tone at a volume that was so loud it seemed to be coming from the Casio! I had been fooled for half an hour by this neat illusion. My friend Drew asked me what the hell I was doing. I shared the revelation with him and thought he would be excited too, but he just thought I was being loony, and continued playing his video games.
<br>
<br>
5 hours in: Peaking very hard still, I was exhausted from playing the piano, so I sat down on the couch in Drew's room and began smoking a cigarette. I closed my eyes. I saw nothing but darkness and yet there was some sort of pattern to the blackness, as if there were spider's threads running horizontally and vertically everywhere, but it was barely noticeable. I was floating in this gentle 'fabric' and I was in DEEP space. I mean I was doing some kind of HEAVY astral travelling. I was FAR, FAR away, from planet Earth, and I could feel God speaking to me. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I was FAR, FAR away, from planet Earth, and I could feel God speaking to me.</div></div> I didn't hear words, but rather felt them, and God told me that everything was LOVE. There was nothing else, just love and perfection. I felt loved by God and the universe, and He revealed all the secrets of the universe to me. All I had to do was float there and become wise and all knowing. All conflict that had ever existed in me or outside of me just melted away, and I was a super-being of pure consciousness, and my body disintegrated into the ether.
<br>
<br>
Then I awoke to find the room full of smoke. LOTS of smoke. I could barely see to the other side of the room. I could barely
<br>
Breathe and my eyes were burning! In my deep, astral-travelling bliss, I had inadvertently dropped my cigarette into Drew's clothes hamper. It had been smoldering for quite some time. Drew was screaming at me telling me to wake up, there was a fire! I had started it! The house was on fire at 2:00 o'clock in the morning, we were tripping hard on acid, and it was ALL MY FAULT! As we were trying to figure out what to do next, and making a lot of noise, Drew's mother opened the door and walked in. She gave us both a funny look and said, 'Put the fire out and try not to make so much noise' and then she went back to bed.
<br>
<br>
Well I had quite a reaction to this fire, my eyes were open but I could see nothing in the room, instead a strange little movie was playing inside my head. All I could see was the planet Earth floating in the blackness, and there was one giant house sitting on top of the planet, it was Drew's house, and it was on fire. I was floating rapidly away from the Earth just looking at Drew's house burning there and it was the end of the world. And I was very sad.
<br>
<br>
But everything turned out OK in the end, and that was basically the end of the trip. We got some sleep after that and in the
<br>
morning I went home. That was the last time I ever took LSD.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1993</td><td width="90">ExpID: 87819</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2018</td><td>Views: 1,710</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=87819&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=87819&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 glasses</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">215 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It was the end of winter, sometime in late February (not sure of actual day). I had been on a fairly decent abstinence of psychedelics; almost 2 years, when I was invited to sample some 'green pyramids' to celebrate the birthday of someone near and dear. I quickly accepted, looking for one last experience before jumping headlong into life (i.e. marriage, children, responsibility).
<br>
<br>
My set was great, attitude adjusted, I was ready to go. We (good friend, one brother and me) had dropped 2 hits apiece around 6pm. Within 1/2 an hour, all we had to do was look at each other to know it was time to get moving. We bundled up (can't believe how heavy my coat is!) and went outside. The air was so crisp and clear and clean that I could feel it, but not as an indication of cold. Rather enlightening at the time. We walked for about an hour(?) to a nearby park.
<br>
<br>
I have been to this park a million times in my life...and it has never presented to me as being as VAST as it was tonight. The area of expanse was overwhelming to me, I could not comprehend how vast a space this was. I was compelled to discuss this with my companions, but they were totally enthralled with a stand of weeping willow trees that, on first glance seemed to have the appearance of a fountain, with the branches extending upward slightly, then spilling down to the ground. At this point I'm thinking (saying?) 'this is gonna be fun tonight!' We're about 3 hrs into it now.
<br>
<br>
We actually make a group decision (a miracle!) to cut through the park ad head to another friend's house where a small gathering of other friends was taking place. The walk through the park was of an indeterminate time frame (remember...it is vast!) when we finally reached the house. I'm rocking at this point, still climbing. I go to knock on the basement door and watch my hand get engulfed by the wood fibers of the door, but it's soft!!??!! I turn to my fellows and mention that 'I hope they can hear me knocking in there because this door is so damn soft it's eating my hand.' As soon as I turn around, a friend of mine opens the door and extends us an offer to come in. She was smiling at us...she knew, right away, of what was afoot.
<br>
<br>
This is where it really gets intense (in a good way). Sophia, the friend that opened the door, runs a hair salon out of her basement. There are lots of mirrors and haircutting apparutus filling this space...what a treat!! I immediately became fascinated with the old-time 1950s hairdryers she had positioned above each chair (you know the kind...looks like a helmet), I sat in a chair and pulled on of these things down over my head and staring looking up into it, each hole in this thing was flowing with color, nothing tangible, just color, lots and lots of colors. Hues of blue and red, purple and orange that I had never seen before. Intense visuals! I tried to explain to Sophia, she just looked at me, laughed and told me to enjoy all the sights, she would stay close. I continued to explore the combs, brushes, powders and sprays (smells good). Too much fun...
<br>
<br>
I was offered a beer, it was ice cold and complemented the 'trip taste' I had in my mouth perfectly. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I was offered a beer, it was ice cold and complemented the 'trip taste' I had in my mouth perfectly.</div></div> The group that was already at the house before we arrived started to watch Pink Floyd's 'The Wall' on video. I settled in to watch with the others and was instantly transfixed by the music (they were piping it through speakers) and the images on the screen. As the movie continued to play I found that I was feeling the music, physically feeling it. This was overwhelming!! I tried to explain to the others I had dropped with, but they were off on their own tangent.
<br>
<br>
Time was warped in a big way at this point (+6:00). I decided I needed to go to the bathroom, so I got up and drifted across the room (am I invisible?) without disrupting anybody. As usual (for me anyway) the routine of evacuation of bodily fluids is always interesting. I make my way back to my seat, Sophia comes over and asks me what took me so long. I had no clue what she was talking about, I thought I was in and out of the bathroom in about 3 minutes. She proceeded to tell me I was in there for 50 minutes!! I couldn't even tell her what I was doing, I had no clue. She took my hand, led me up to the kitchen and gave me another beer. We spoke about what I was experiencing, the intensity, the visuals, the 'out-of bodiness' feeling. I tried as best as I could to bring her there since she was experienced, but I was having difficulty communicating. She led me to the couch to sit for a while, she was always so good to trip with or have around when tripping, and she just started touching me, not in a sexual way but in a gentle way. The way it felt made my head swim in acceptance. It was such a positive, friendly, thoughtful experience to sit with her at that moment in time.
<br>
<br>
That moment is gone, has been for a long time, but it is one of the fondest memories I have in my life. I do believe the total experience I had that night was worth the willingness to try one last time before committing to reality. Peace.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1990</td><td width="90">ExpID: 46669</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2018</td><td>Views: 1,497</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=46669&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=46669&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Guides / Sitters (39), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">7 drops</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">8 g</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms - P. mexicana</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(sclerotia)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 drops</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 glass</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Hard</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">80 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I am a 29-year-old university teaching assistant (IT) and have medium experience with magic mushrooms, salvia divinorum, spacecakes, smoking weed, and acid. I never did drugs before I started my PhD and gained access to scientific article databases with credible sources of information. I would describe myself as a calm/self-controlled person more introverted than extroverted and prefer taking drugs alone because social activities and norms become difficult for me when on them.
<br>
<br>
Just for the measure, 1 drop of LSD I had was enough for a nice trip. I had taken 1, 3, and 5 drops from the same source prior to this experience. Several friends of mine were also satisfied with the 1-drop trip. I would never do a dose this high from a source of unknown potency.
<br>
<br>
T: I took 7 drops LSD and 8 grams not really cracker dry truffles mexicana.
<br>
<br>
T+30m: Letters on the computer screen started moving, surfaces started breathing, and my attention was for 5-10 minutes shifted to the shapes of the surface of my wooden desk that started morphing and bleeding in brown and black colors. I felt that the effects would still get stronger, but not unhandlable, and I felt the urge to go deeper down the rabbit hole, as if I was close to the source of the eternal wisdom or source of self and wanted to reach it. But this urge was more like a drunken feeling of 'let's do this' without considering potential consequences of the act. I took another two drops, although I felt like I could suck up the whole bottle of acid I had. I returned to the room and started eating some snacks. The music was so intense it was designing the fabric my trip was made of. At some point I changed from Asian dub foundation to Sigur ros. The video of Sigur ros (user-made video) made me nervous as it was designed as a transparent collage of three images: sunset, seascape, and fireworks. It looked so tasteless I was convinced it was a trick of my mind, especially the fireworks part, but couldn't really check. The continent shapes on my scratch-off silver world map on my wall was melting and dancing every time I looked at it. The dark blue fantasy pyramid picture on my wall was changing colors in a beautiful way as well. Self-designed visual beauty. But nothing you can't do with digital technology anyway. White edges I would look at would soon start turning black as when the paper catches fire. I really enjoyed this. If I were an artist, I would probably do this more often for some inspiration.
<br>
<br>
T+90m: The effects started getting stronger now. Very nice visuals wherever I would look: Shiva, Aztec motives, light colors splashing, spectral leaking, reflecting and mirroring everywhere. I was amazed by this beauty and playfulness of my mind. I would disappear into ~10min thinking sessions and then re-emerge to reality and make a few steps around the apartment. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I would disappear into ~10min thinking sessions and then re-emerge to reality and make a few steps around the apartment.</div></div> I was aware that I was not fully aware of my surroundings and that I would be safer with a sitter, especially if the dose was any higher. I could make sense of the reality, but my mind would wonder off and leave the body unattended to its autopilots and reflexes or just lying on the bed. I had my thoughts and fantasies take me away with motives including Brazil and Middle East, I would wander through thought recursions measurable in non-measurable concepts and non-concepts impossible to describe in words. At least on two occasions it seemed to me I had a parallel life right now somewhere in the Middle East, or a previous life there.
<br>
<br>
It was also now that I got lost in my thoughts and experienced an ego death of some kind. I wasn't aware of my body any more and somehow the whole of myself was reduced to an abstract concept and processes. As if I was a baby. All my brain drivers got turned off and I had no language to think in, no verbs, no actions, no mental processing capacity, just my consciousness as a blank method, a constructor to be written on the class of Me. If you are a programmer, you'll know what I mean. I soon got back from this thought and regained awareness of my body and started thinking about the experience. It seemed to me now that ego death, once it occurs, is not that bad at all, and that it was actually only a side process of lesser importance in that what I had experienced.
<br>
<br>
I realized I had no idea of what I was getting into as I took acid and that what just happened in my mind was of great importance. But for whom? For my physical self? For my reduced self? For what was left after the ego death? Uncertain of what I was supposed to be, i.e. who should be learning from this experience, this question was bothering me for a while. Was this who I really was or was this my reduced self doing too much drugs? Was this a breakthrough from the real world to the imaginary world of drug-induced hallucinations or exactly the opposite? I laughed out loud more than several times realizing how strange it was that someone in the universe is going through this right now, or more precisely, that the universe itself was going through this right now. For a while I was thinking about my girlfriend, and our relationship. About the fact that I will die and how pointless the physical life is, when things that seem equally real can happen in a second in this drug-induced state. I felt as I had lived the entire life of another person from the Middle East (no idea why exactly there) in less than a second. What a terrible waste of time, matter and energy this life is. Why would this really be happening? Unless this 'real life' is not really happening and it's all just a dream and a hallucination.
<br>
<br>
T+180m: The effects were getting weaker now, and I was spending less and less time in thinking sessions. It wasn't over, however. I still experienced weird moments when I realized I don't have language and my mental processing was that of a child. I had my mind insert random forgotten memories and details forming them into thought recursions and distractors. Soon after that I had a feeling that I was just re-activating some mental processes I learned as a child: the process of processing reality. Of analyzing visual stimuli in time and responding with a reaction. I remembered not having words for these as a child, but that I was learning them and started using them. They didn't have names as I didn't know words at that time, but they were 'something' and I understood that. If I were a computer, my experience was as if I had my hardware drivers for certain brain regions uninstalled, and then compiled from source and installed again after a while. In reality I guess this means my brain regions got desynchronized and stopped working together for a while causing this temporary loss of reality-processing abilities. This process wasn't unpleasant, it just was there. At the time I didn't really realize that this was probably my earliest memories as a baby, but in retrospective I believe that they were. If not memories, than the same things I experienced as a baby - not knowing how to process sensory input and not knowing how to PROCESS and that I SHOULD PROCESS reality. ANd then slowly learning how to do it.
<br>
<br>
T+300m: I went to the balcony and changing my environment landed me back to the ground more or less. I enjoyed a glass of whiskey watching down on the street from the 3rd floor. The visual distortions were still present and remained all until I went to sleep after midnight, but didn't bother me too much any more.
<br>
<br>
T+420m: Almost back to normal. Slower and clumsier than usually, but performing my daily chores and waiting for my girlfriend.
<br>
<br>
Went to sleep after midnight. You might think that 6 hours is a short time for a trip on that much acid and shrooms, but I usually have effects wear off faster than online resources would claim. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I usually have effects wear off faster than online resources would claim.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
Next day very tired (but also had to wake up relatively early). One day later still distracted and tired, and a bit depressed after I returned to the world not shining in bright changing colors and crazy creative thoughts all the time. No wonder I guess, my dopamine receptors were overloaded during the trip.
<br>
<br>
In conclusion, a positive experience with positive insights, childhood memories revived, impossible abstract thoughts. But LSD remains what I already thought it is; a chemical agent to introduce me to unusual brain states by desyncing brain regions and firing neurons and memories that don't get fired in everyday brain usage.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109094</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 29</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,382</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109094&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109094&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Mushrooms - P. mexicana (193) : Alone (16), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
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<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
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<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td>
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<!-- Start Body -->
My spine is in the process of straightening after 26 years of gradual curving. I've grown two inches in the last year - I was 5'4. Now I'm 5'6'. My eyesight is improving dramatically - I can read text from further away than I have since childhood, and am beginning to see the world in 3D once again.
<br>
<br>
I was given a diagnosis of functional scoliosis at the age of 17. However, I had begun to experience the symptoms - vicious throbbing migraine headaches with severe sensitivity to light and sound and a gradual degradation of vision in my right eye and of mobility in my right hand - as early as age five.
<br>
<br>
The migraines were devastating. They were catalyzed and intensified by sensory input. The pain was concentrated on the right side of the head, specifically the right eye, eyebrow, and temple. Once the pain started, the only way to gain any relief was to go to sleep.
<br>
<br>
My eyesight in the right eye begins declining around age seven - about the same time as the migraines are intensifying. Year after year eye doctor visits reveal a further one-point decline in the acuity of my right eye. In less than three years I go from perfect 20:20 vision to needing glasses to see more than a few feet in front of my face.
<br>
<br>
The disorientation of suffering mind-altering severe pain several times a week while in school results in my spending a year of school in a supply closet. I develop serious social anxiety and begin to establish obsessive compulsive thought patterns in an attempt to find control in an uncontrollable situation. (If I put the pencils away just so, I won't get a headache tomorrow.)
<br>
<br>
By age 12, the migraines are so bad that my family doctor decides I must have brain cancer. I remember sitting in the sterile beige office of a downtown high-rise, having my head measured by a sterile beige doctor. 'Your head is abnormally large. We need to do an MRI.'
<br>
<br>
My parents decide against putting me through the MRI machine, for which I am most grateful. I obviously didn't have brain cancer, but after that I get to have multiple brain cancer related anxiety attacks a year.
<br>
<br>
By the time I reach college, another type of chronic pain begins to manifest - shooting sciatica-like pain originating in my left hip and extending all the way down to my foot. Again, the only sure solution to this pain is sleep.
<br>
<br>
A visit to the family doctor yields a diagnosis of functional scoliosis, and no particular recommendation for what to do about it. He does suggest that I take as many as five over-the-counter ibuprofen every time I start to feel a migraine come on. This is effective in stopping the pain, and so for the next eight years I take between five and 25 ibuprofen a week. I'm still apologizing to my liver to this day.
<br>
<br>
At the age of 20, I'm given a prescription for Relpax, a migraine medication that functions similarly to ergotamine. In sharp contrast to the other prescription medicines in my life, which are rapidly deteriorating my physical and mental health, Relpax is a miracle. I take a single pill at the beginning of a migraine, experience a pleasurable tingling in my lymph nodes (a sensation I will experience again four years later while coming up on LSD for the first time), and fall into a deep dreamless sleep. After taking just twelve of these pills over a period of month, the migraines stop and don't return until I begin the process of healing my spine years later.
<br>
<br>
Although the migraines are gone, I still experience constant back and hip pain, which often wake me up from sleep or prevent me from sleeping. I remain mostly sedentary (other than walking several miles a week) for the next six years.
<br>
<br>
At age 21, I am diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and avoidant personality disorder. At age 24, I am diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Prescriptions for Xanax and SSRI antidepressants leave me with a benzodiazepine dependency, severe obsessive compulsive tics and anxiety (whenever there isn't a certain amount of Xanax in my system), and the firm belief that I am severely, permanently mentally ill.
<br>
<br>
This self-perception begins to shift when I discovered LSD while living overseas at the age of 23.
<br>
<br>
My first LSD experience shows me a strong, capable side to myself that I have not experienced before. I know within an hour of taking my first dose that I need to find a reliable source, and that I need space to work with it alone.
<br>
<br>
Through a series of mind-bendingly bizarre misadventures, I acquire a small stash of paper LSD and my own room in an apartment on the edge of one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the country. During my three-month stay there I have four LSD experiences – each time, I take 100 mics, followed by another 100 mics several hours later. Each time, I feel the knots of anxiety embedded in my brain loosen and release, and wake up the morning after in a world that contains exponentially greater hope, freedom, and joy than it had the day before.
<br>
<br>
The OCD symptoms I have been developing (obsessive-compulsive laundry-doing, repetitive door-checking, etc.) decrease steadily during this three-month period. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The OCD symptoms I have been developing (obsessive-compulsive laundry-doing, repetitive door-checking, etc.) decrease steadily during this three-month period.</div></div> At present (age 28) I no longer experience obsessive-compulsive thought patterns, and am not significantly impaired by anxiety or depression.
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<br>
At age 24, after my four initial solitary LSD sessions, I'm still taking tons of ibuprofen, am still dependent on Xanax, and am completely detached from my body and the messages it is sending me. This all changes when, at the age of 25, I start practicing yoga - my first foray into physical exercise since my early twenties. I take to it immediately and start practicing for several hours a day, four to five times a week.
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<br>
Just after my 26th birthday I begin to experience a dull, heavy ache in my right shoulder, often accompanied by the return of the migraine headaches, which I have not experienced since my experience with Relpax at age 20.
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<br>
I go to a chiropractor in Chicago. He takes x-rays of my cervical spine and tells me that many of the vertebrae are significantly dislocated. 'You have a lot of work to do,' he says. He begins to teach me how my everyday ways of sitting, standing, and walking are not stable or sustainable, but I struggle to put his suggestions into practice in my life.
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<br>
A few months later, I move to California. The shoulder pain and headaches become daily experiences, and I begin working with a talented chiropractor neurologist. She does gentle adjustments with an Activator Adjustment Instrument, applies electrical stimulation to key points on my shoulder, cervical spine, and lumbar spine, and encourages me to balance the hemispheres of my brain by stimulating the left side of my body and pursuing creative activities (which I do by learning to read Braille with my left hand and taking up music again).
<br>
<br>
She also gives me several sessions of balloon sinuplasty - inflating tiny balloons into my sinuses. During one such session, during which she successfully inflates the balloon into all six of my sinuses, I feel tiny little bones inside of my head shift, pop, and adjust.
<br>
<br>
I receive a recommendation for a medical cannabis card at this time, and begin using cannabis regularly for the first time in my life. As I am experiencing significant pain every day, I am consuming edibles in fairly high quantities on a regular basis - 40-80 mg THC 4-6 times a week. The cannabis medicine significantly reduces pain and inflammation and allows me to feel emotionally stable, peaceful, and content, even when my body hurts.
<br>
<br>
After four months of treatment, the chiropractor tells me I can start coming in every six weeks for maintenance, as I am in good shape. The treatments have reduced the daily pain somewhat, but it is still ever-present. I feel a little different, but not much.
<br>
<br>
I have to give up my daily yoga practice, as I find that many of the positions trigger shoulder pain and headache. I spend several months doing very little physical exercise other than walking (five to six miles a week).
<br>
<br>
One month after concluding my weekly chiropractic appointments (just after my 27th birthday), I take 100 mics of LSD with a friend. We are lying down in bed during the come-up. When I move to get up, my lumbar spine cracks - loud as a gunshot. My friend is startled. My body feels wonderful, and I feel as if I am seeing a little straighter than before.
<br>
<br>
During the experience that follows, I feel more grounded and stable in my body than I can remember. We go for a long walk to a park at the top of a hill. I dance for the first time in a long time and experience unparalleled freedom. And in the morning my body doesn't hurt.
<br>
<br>
I take LSD again in August (at approximately the same dose), and experience something similar - a massive “thunk” from my lumbar spine, surprised friends, and a significant visual adjustment. I went into this trip with some muscle tension and neck pain, so although I feel great after the adjustment, I begin to experience a severe migraine around hour five - radiating out from the mass of tension at the back of my neck that has been building for decades. I spend several hours doing yogic breathing exercises, at the end of which I throw up and fall into a deep sleep. All pain is gone when I wake up.
<br>
<br>
In March of the next year, I microdose with LSD (10 mics). I stretch out in my chair, and experience a third loud lumbar adjustment. An hour later, running to catch a bus, I realize I am moving faster than I ever have on these legs. Surprised at my speed of movement, I almost fall over my own feet.
<br>
<br>
In the coming months, it feels as if every bone in my body adjusts at least once. The daily pain begins to decrease until I am only experiencing mild pain a few times a week, and debilitating pain once every few months (usually due to physical overexertion and sensory overstimulation). My experiences with LSD during this time allow me to feel the straightness of my body, my physical potential when aligned. These experiences act as a “blueprint,” informing my constant attention to and adjustment of my posture. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">These experiences act as a “blueprint,” informing my constant attention to and adjustment of my posture.</div></div> I also experience significantly improved visual acuity during these psychedelic experiences.
<br>
<br>
A physical exam in May of this year (2013) had me at 5'6' - two inches taller than I was when I moved to California. My eyesight without glasses is significantly improved. I can feel my right eye getting stronger, and am beginning to see in 3D further and further away.
<br>
<br>
Now, at age 28, physical pain and discomfort is fairly mild and infrequent. There are still ups and downs as my muscles and bones become accustomed to standing, sitting, breathing, and sleeping in new positions. My muscles ache regularly, but it's a healthy ache. Too much stimulation or exertion can still trigger migraines, but I am learning how to hold my body to prevent them and reduce their intensity.
<br>
<br>
I believe that the primary medicines responsible for my healing have been cannabis and LSD. Cannabis allows my muscles and mind to rest when the challenges of my constantly evolving structure become too intense. LSD catalyzed the first major shifts in my spinal structure and gave me the experience of a straight spine, providing me with hope, encouragement, and wisdom that strongly impacts my mental experience of my body in everyday life.
<br>
<br>
Chronic pain no longer significantly inhibits my life. For the first time as an adult, I am in a strong, flexible, capable body, and I am enjoying it tremendously. I am able to ride a bike for several miles a day (impossible for more than a few minutes a year ago). I hike, dance, and practice yoga. I recently took up Aikido, and spent several hours at a rock climbing gym last week which, to my great joy, was exhilarating and did not overstrain my body.
<br>
<br>
There are still days when I stay home despite a desire to go out because my body is too tired and achey to keep going. Now, however, I see a future with less pain that my past. I trust that my spine will grow healthier with age, rather than twisting more deeply. I'm beginning a new life, and am impossibly grateful.
<br>
<br>
Pain is inevitable, yet it is the basis for healing. Suffering is samsaric, yet it is the basis for enlightenment. Through this experience, I have gained incredible body awareness and a deep gratitude for my physical form, which I once resented. I dedicate my experience to the benefit of others who are experiencing chronic pain due to misalignments of the body.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 101858</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 27</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2018</td><td>Views: 3,268</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=101858&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=101858&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Various (28), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Health Benefits (32), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 7:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">64 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Lately I've been experiencing with drugs a little. In the last months I did cannabis, MDMA and mushrooms. The most fascinating drug of them all however, was LSD. Before taking LSD this day, I have taken LSD twice, all by myself. These were very pleasurable and insight-giving experiences, so I was not afraid taking it once again, also by myself. But I really didn't know what I was in for this time.
<br>
<br>
Instead of using the weaker blotters I had used in my previous trips (about 80 µg), I managed to get my hands on stronger ones of +/- 120 µg. But I was sure I could handle these stronger blotters. So I took one, put on some music and waited for the trip to begin.
<br>
<br>
At first things started out really good. The trip was gradually building to its peak at which I was having some great insights, wondering about the definition of time and feeling like I was the king of an alien race invading earth, to make humanity better and blessing them with the gift of psytrance (which I was listening to at that moment). During the first hours of my trip, I drank a lot of water, eventually leading to a full bladder. So at + 3:30, I went to the toilet. That was when things started to get really nasty.
<br>
<br>
When I was at the toilet, with no music surrounding me, I picked up a conversation between my neighbor and a friend he had over. At one moment one of them said the word cancer (which is sometimes used as a curse word in my country). This was the turning point for me, since I watched my grandpa suffer and dying from cancer a few years ago. Since then I hated it when people used the word cancer as a curse word. All of a sudden I became very afraid and had the idea that when I would flush the toilet, I would get sucked into it. I don't know why, but I flushed it anyway. I held on to the doorknob and got out of the toilet as fast as I could, running back into my room as fast as I could.
<br>
<br>
Back inside my room I tried to turn my trip back around into a good trip. This was not working, so I took some vitamin C and decided to eat a tangerine because I believed it would stop the trip earlier. But while peeling the tangerine, I became even more afraid, believing that if I wouldn't eat it, I'd die. It all happened in a flash, and after eating the tangerine it felt as if I had gone into a coma.
<br>
<br>
At this moment, it was as if an alternate me was watching this happening. He was frightened to see me almost dying, but he somehow got me into my bed and told me this was the safest place I could be right now and telling me it would all be over in a few hours. In my 'coma', I saw my parents and sister standing around the bed. They were all very sad and this really scared the hell out of me.
<br>
<br>
I 'woke up' after what seemed to be an eternity, even though only a few minutes had passed in reality. I felt like I was in a hospital fighting to stay alive, surrounded by a lot of horrendous visuals which I was afraid I'd never lose even though I told myself I would. During my 'hospitalization', it was where I really learned to know LSD, contemplating life. But one thing really stuck during these hours: I would never take LSD again.
<br>
<br>
It was at + 6:30 when the LSD had worn off enough to do other things, even though the tormenting visuals were still all over the place. I ordered a pizza and ate it, but I did not enjoy it. In a desperate attempt to get me 'back to earth' again, I decided to smoke some pot at + 7:30. It helped for a second, but the high of the weed had soon disappeared into the still present LSD trip and got me only more paranoid.
<br>
<br>
At + 8:00, I decided to take a shower. In the shower I continued to trip really bad, and it even got me into a short-lived acute psychosis. I had the feeling that nothing made sense and not knowing whether things were real or not.
<br>
<br>
I then put myself to bed, all I wanted was to sleep. But the visions continued to haunt me for four more hours, after which I finally fell asleep.
<br>
<br>
Looking back at the trip, I really underestimated the power of LSD. In the past it had helped me to build more self-esteem and I was convinced a bad trip would not happen to me. I couldn't have been more wrong. The next day, I threw all my remaining acid in the toilet and swore to never use it again. This experience has erased all the fun and benefits from LSD for me. From now on, I will deal with my problems in real life and not while under the influence of psychedelics.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 103417</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,016</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=103417&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=103417&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Bad Trips (6)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">300 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 line</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:20</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">300 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">20 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diazepam/">Pharms - Diazepam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">12 st</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
PRELUDE
<br>
<br>
Just to set the scene a little, the date was January 2nd, I had taken a week off work, and the previous day I had indulged in some fairly low key New Year’s celebrations with a close friend of mine, some drinks, and some cocaine. As it turned out I overdid it a little here and had a pretty terrible time in the intervening period with nausea, an erratic heartbeat, and worrying I might have actually damaged myself, something about which I am still a little concerned.
<br>
<br>
I should note that I believe 12:00 PM on January 1st I dosed 10mg Diazepam in an effort to slow my heart and just to relieve some of the awfulness – I am aware of the long half-life of Diazepam and most benzos in general so it is possible that this affected the trip somewhat even though I dosed over 24 hours later.
<br>
<br>
Anyway, I woke up quite late on January 2nd, maybe around midday, and reheated some pizza that I had made the day before before putting on a TV show (I think Vikings). I knew that I had basically a whole week of chilling that I had been looking forward to for a while, so I was overall in a pretty good mindset, but I have had a lot of uncertainty in the last few months about the future of my life, basically in my current job I run a company which I find myself having less and less interest in, and am finding myself being less and less OK with doing something purely for the money, and not pursuing something with more meaning, both in an absolute sense and in a personal sense of doing something I am truly passionate about.
<br>
<br>
I am just mentioning this to set the general scene of my state of mind... apprehensive about the future and decisions I am going to have to make very soon about the way my life is going to go, but also, in the moment, looking forward to just being able to take some time to chill out.
<br>
<br>
DOSING LSD &amp; COMEUP
<br>
<br>
Anyway at about 3 PM on January 2nd, almost on a total whim, I found myself digging through my stash for some tabs of high strength LSD that I had been hanging onto for years. They are alleged to be 300ug which, is to me, quite believable – the last time I did one was actually back in 2013 – and was in a totally different setting with my (now ex-) girlfriend at the time and 4 other friends, 2 of which I have totally lost contact with following the end of that relationship and that phase of my life. So this is only my second time doing LSD specifically, but I consider myself experienced with psychedelics in general.
<br>
<br>
I have always been a little apprehensive about solo tripping, which is why I haven’t done it more often, but for some reason today I just thought, I’ve been holding onto these tabs for years, I don’t know if this is the right time, but I’m going to do one of these today. About 20 minutes later I took another, for reasons which I was not at the time entirely clear about, to bring my total dosage to 600ug.
<br>
<br>
I then went back into my front room and sat down again to continue watching the show I was watching. I am pretty sure at this point I did a line of Ketamine, given that I had some laid out on the coffee table in front of me. I quickly realised that I wasn’t able to follow the show I was watching at all, I was starting to get the first alerts of visuals, colours looking brighter, objects breathing, and shimmering… I’m not sure what was happening on my computer monitor but whatever it was the colours and backgrounds of the show were starting to bleed out of the screen and into the surrounding room.
<br>
<br>
I’m not sure how much time passed here with me just sitting on my sofa, looking around the room and becoming more and more confused but I would estimate 40 minutes to an hour… I started to get a definite sense of unease at this point, I realised I had dosed a powerful psychoactive almost on a whim, possibly in a bit of a confused haze from the day before, and some of my worries about my sober life started to play on my mind… I started to think, what if something happens, what if I need to deal with something? I’m completely alone in my flat, have no trip sitter, perhaps not even in the best state of mind to trip…
<br>
<br>
Quite possibly I was not in the best state physically to trip either due to the previous day’s over-indulgences in alcohol and other substances, followed by hastily and lazily prepared pizza with little in the way of actual healthy food. I also started to experience some kind of temperature confusion in my body, like I wasn’t sure if I was too hot or too cold. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I wasn’t sure if I was too hot or too cold.</div></div> At this point I went to get a blanket, fiddled with the temperature control on my heating a bit, and actually also got a bowl in case I needed to actually throw up.
<br>
<br>
SPIRITUAL REVELATIONS
<br>
<br>
I tried to quell these feelings but eventually I just couldn’t take it and thought, oh fuck, I think I might need to jump off the acid ship here. I paused the show I was watching which I no longer had any idea what was going on in anyway and went back into my bedroom to get 20mg Diazepam more. Again, this was perhaps 40 minutes to an hour after dosing although I am estimating timeframe a little… I laid down on my bed under the covers and closed my eyes, just trying to surrender myself to whatever was about to happen, still quite uneasy but also vaguely confident in my relative physical safety, and tried to just surrender myself to the oncoming psychedelic hurricane that was starting to tug and ripple the outer layers of my consciousness and the way I understood who and what I was…
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<br>
The displays going on behind my closed eyelids at this point were mesmerising, infinite fractal patterns, cathedrals of incomprehensible, nonsensical, but also celestial and exquisite beauty, simultaneously somewhat devoid of any comprehensible meaning and also somehow the most meaningful thing I had experienced in my life up to this point… I’m not sure if at this point I was listening to music or just lying in wondrous, bewildered silence but at some point I went to fetch my laptop and put on some music feeling a need to have some kind of anchor for my sense of self and my sanity. Before this however the fractal closed eye visuals were moving in time to some kind of otherworldly music inside my own head. Lying there on my bed, I thought at points I was actually seeing into the infinite, into eternity…
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<br>
The fractals cascaded deeper and deeper into thousands of labyrinthine staircases inside maze-like libraries of souls, which I understood both to be representations of individual thoughts and impulses and synaptic connections inside my own mind, exchanging knowledge and information like microscopic societies of little beings, like the mitochondria of the cells of my body… but equally, I understood this to be an internal reflection of the transcendent but ever-present influence of every part of existence and everything that ever was and ever will be… I felt at this point like I had been granted witness so a transdimensional, ethereal, incorrigible and undeniable Holy and Sacred Truth that everything that ever was and ever will be has always existed and is always all around us, at once moving, changing, but equally unchangeable, still, serene…
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For a timeless moment I lost myself in this scintillating, brilliant light in the bright sky of eternity.
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I felt also at this point an immense sense of gratitude at everything that ever made me who I was… every long lost ancestor of the past, everyone I had ever met, or who had ever changed me just by my knowing them, everything that was already encoded both within myself and within the fabric of reality that had moulded me into the person I was and am today… I could not help but feel that we are all one cooperative, eternal, connected society of souls, and fractal composites of souls, and the line between the abstract and the real and the meaningful and the meaningless ceased to exist or, at least, ceased to have any relevance in my consciousness.
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<br>
I sat up in my bed and opened my eyes, and the room was aglow with an otherworldly haze, soft ghosting tracers everywhere. My ceiling has a design of textured paint, and it was a churning, breathing, roiling sea, alive and animated by the magic of the drug. I looked up at the lampshade on my ceiling and was reminded with a faint sense of amusement of a trip I had approximately the same time a year ago (actually my first solo trip on a “true” psychedelic) on 25mg of 4-AcO-DMT where there was a point that I actually felt like I was in the presence of god, had actually witnessed god in my lampshade, and it was so beautiful and moving at this point that I was moved to tears.
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<br>
I couldn’t stop this same feeling starting to envelop me again, of being in the presence and even under the protection of some godlike, divine entity that was just looking after me. It did occur to me at this point that the Diazepam I had taken was no doubt muting the experience to some extent, although it wasn’t enough to stop the brilliant, sunlike luminosity from blazing through… It occurred to me that the Valium was like a thin net curtain, a shade hung over the window through which the brilliant sun of the 600ug of LSD was blasting its light through the window of my mind.
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<br>
Conversely, or perhaps, not conversely at all, I had the feeling that the chemical itself, LSD, as much as this is somewhat at odds with my usual rational beliefs even as I write this now, was benevolent, in some way a sentient and real entity, which was at once synonymous with “God” and the Universe, protecting me from the effects of my on-a-whim dosage from bringing me to harm.
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<br>
I closed my eyes again, just to bask in this feeling of pure, euphoric, psychedelic and holy bliss, and began to feel again like I was being granted a glimpse of something beyond the consciousness and rational reality which we know and understand, and again I surrendered myself to the onslaught of multidimensional fireworks behind my eyelids.
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<br>
I felt like I could see into the mechanism of my consciousness, like my psyche was a computer program executing commands at a layer beneath my conscious knowledge, but which was also and always the effect of the eternal presence of the beings which are simultaneously representative of, and actually in some sense, are, everything that is already, eternally encoded into the fabric of reality.
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<br>
I opened my eyes again, and again felt this presence of overwhelming, heavenly love, this presence in the room, shining ever more brightly through the weak curtain of Diazepam, just letting me know it was allowing me this glimpse to the other world, this other plane of boundless, scintillating, indescribable beauty of everything that ever was and will be… infinity.
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At the same time, I felt a little embarrassed, and like a child being gently scolded in some way, for what was in a sense, undoubtedly somewhat reckless and unplanned… I felt that this entity was telling me that it was letting me see just enough of The Light that it knew I could deal with without just losing my grip on sanity forever, but at the same time telling me to take this as a lesson, and to learn from this experience. It was at this point I felt an overwhelming urge to get some kind of item of religious significance, to take some kind of action to express these feelings of divinity and holiness washing over me… I went digging for a small wooden cross which my mother had given me recently.
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<br>
Usually I am not religious in any way, and am essentially agnostic, functionally atheist, even, but I just wanted to take this religious object and feel it and just try to thank this entity and all the entities and forces of the universe that make up the wonders of existence, the hidden and unhidden workers behind reality and the forms of life and ways of living both known and unknown to human beings but that still make us all what we are… I sat on my bed and realised I just didn’t know how to proceed, so while looking up at my lampshade, cross in hand, I just picked some random names of gods out of the air and said something like “Odin, Vishnu, God, thank you for protecting me!” …I am pretty sure I just laughed out loud at this point, both at the absurdity of the situation and of my actions compared to my usual beliefs, the fact I was praying to gods in which I didn’t explicitly believe but which at the same time I know, without doubt, I felt, were in some sense truly real words or expressions for things which we do not have the sapient capacity as human beings to fully understand… but also I laughed just from pure existential joy at being allowed to be alive.
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<br>
REVERSE CAUSALITY
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<br>
At this point I began to get the sense that although I didn’t seem to have a good reason to trip before, actually this was the reason… “I”, or some composite of the selves that seemed to make up the entity which I usually perceived to be myself, had, independently of chronology and the usual order of events, and the usual arrow of time, made the decision after the fact to take LSD in order to show myself these sacred truths that were being revealed to me… like a future version of myself, or a part of myself, or this protective entity I was experiencing, or parts of existence itself – and honestly, all these things were seeming in some sense like one and the same at this point – had reached back in time and caused me to decide to take acid, so that I might come to the point where I was able to make that decision to reach back in time and make an acausal decision, like I was within and experiencing a paradoxical psychedelic Closed Timelike Curve… this made perfect sense to me at the time although it’s hard to rationally justify it to myself now, although in a way, I still kind of believe that that is what happened.
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<br>
PERSONAL REVELATIONS
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<br>
Anyway, I was suddenly struck with a hunger to write something down, and find some kind of outlet of expression for the feelings welling up within me. I got up and went hunting around my flat for some paper and a pen. Everything looked different however, and I struggled to remember where things were or to find both things at the same time, so disorientated was I still mentally… I remember opening a drawer in my kitchen where I keep cutlery and various bits and pieces, and it was like I had never opened it before, everything within it was unrecognisable… my sense of proportion and scale was way off, although my memory of standing in my kitchen is such that although everything looked magical, and strange, the visuals were still yet to peak in intensity, and my memory of this part of the trip is largely a mental one, of emotions, feelings, and realisations.
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<br>
While I was stumbling around my kitchen in a manic, hallucinatory daze, with a pad of paper in one hand and feeling like finding a pen was the most important thing in the universe at this point in order to get my feelings down onto paper, I suddenly realised I was no longer worried about the state I was in. I had a strong sense that what was unfolding in my mind was going to change me, and change the direction of my life, and I felt a sense of divine purpose and clarity… however, I was uncertain still in exactly what way it was going to change me <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I felt a sense of divine purpose and clarity… however, I was uncertain still in exactly what way it was going to change me</div></div>, and when I tried to think about true life decisions I have been trying to make, I did not feel like I had been granted any definite answers.
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<br>
However what I did have was a very strong sense that, whatever I decided, it would be OK, and I felt that the same entity that I had felt earlier was protecting me was in fact entirely synonymous with every decision I had made, and every event that was out of my control, that had happened to me in my life so far… suddenly I was struck with a great sense, standing in the middle of my small kitchen, in my modest sized, fairly sparse flat, that I had absolutely everything I needed.
<br>
<br>
Usually in my life I worry a lot about, I guess, normal things that a lot of people worry about, how to ensure I am financially secure, how to make sure I keep myself healthy, maintain healthy relationships, generally make sure to keep the ship of my own life on a somewhat even keel while sailing across the great dark and stormy sea that is the wonder of an individual human’s life… but I was suddenly filled with a great sense that I was someone that I could trust, that even if within the psychedelic rollercoaster of the trip, and no matter what the near future would bring, I could trust myself to guide myself through my own life… and I could trust these unseen entities, forces of nature both comprehensible and incomprehensible, to guide me in a way that would result in things working out the way they were supposed to go… in my mind at this point however, there was not really any distinction between trusting myself and trusting the Universe, but just a great sense that I could surrender myself to the winds of eternity.
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<br>
At some point while looking for a pen I remembered that I had some ice cream in the freezer, dug this out, and just stood in my kitchen alternating between laughing and crying with absolute wonder… I remember just saying out loud to myself… “I have everything I need!” …and being so moved by this sense of euphoria that this feeling brought me.
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<br>
At some point, I managed to locate a pen and stumbled back into my bedroom… closer to the music, as my laptop was in there, and this intensified the trip a little. As I laid down on my bed I realised that the pad of paper I was holding was a notepad that I had written in as part of the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that I had started recently. The page I opened was something where I had written an analysis of my thoughts as part of a “Thought Challenging Exercise” to challenge some self-defeating core beliefs I have held since childhood… I was just so moved by the memory of this process, and my eyes happened upon a particular sentence that I had written in challenging my beliefs about a recent budding romantic relationship that had not worked out, I don’t really want to share the sentence because I feel it is a little personal but it was just about not making negative assumptions about my own nature based of isolated events, and that sort of thing… anyone who has undergone therapy, CBT, or thought challenging exercises can probably guess the general content. At this point my own handwriting was dancing and twisting on the page, the page itself shimmering with otherworldly light, like some kind of sacred document… again I was moved almost to tears, but my emotions were not negative, but full of optimism and hope and happiness… at this point I tried to write but was frustrated that I just couldn’t seem to actually think of a way to write down what I was feeling…
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<br>
VISUAL PEAK
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<br>
After trying and failing to write something more coherent I wandered back into my front room sat on my sofa and looked at a clothes rack I had sitting on another chair. As I looked at it, it was like the visuals of the trip began to ramp up in intensity, it shimmered and contorted, different colours and fabrics of my clothes all twisting like shape-shifting serpents, morphing and coiling in time to the music, suddenly it was like I was witnessing in my clothes rack the evolution of life on Earth from the dawn of time where the clothes rack was some kind of mountainous, amorphous and natural terrain, transforming and shifting into the distant future and turning into some kind of futuristic glimmering megacity… at this point I just had to look away I was so overwhelmed by what I was witnessing.
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<br>
When I looked away it was like the air itself in the room was at once viscous like some kind of gooey substance, and also brittle and actually starting to fracture, and through these cracks, again it was like I could actually see and feel this light and energy from the source of all life seeping through the cracks. And then suddenly, it was like I was in another place… I was still in my flat, but simultaneously in a parallel world, a place always adjacent to our normal sober, waking reality. Again I was overcome with euphoric wonder and a feeling of being touched by the oversoul that created and controls the universe, as well as an overwhelming sense of faith that he/she/they/it whatever would I’ve me the strength and the wisdom to decide what to do and do what needed to be done in my life…
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GRADUAL COMEDOWN
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<br>
I could honestly write a lot more, but, I think the rest of the trip is much the same so if I continue to write it will probably get a bit repetitive. The rest of the trip consisted of me stumbling around my flat, listening to and tripping out to music, occasionally being overcome with a sense of otherworldly, heavenly wonder, and touched with psychedelic, euphoric, bliss… I remember towards the end I rolled an absolutely terrible joint, masturbated, probably did a few lines of Ketamine, and eventually tried to resume watching whatever episode of whatever TV show I had been watching at the beginning.
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I have a distinct memory of sitting on my sofa and just being overcome with ecstatic euphoria, and just saying to myself “THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER! THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!” …at I believe maybe 4:00 AM on January 3rd, approximately 13 hours after dosing, I was still too stimulated to sleep and ended up dosing another 20mg Diazepam.
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AFTERMATH / THOUGHTS
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<br>
It’s probably worth noting that I did not absolutely take to heart the sense of purity and divine purpose to change my life around in some unclear but spiritually true way right afterwards - this trip was actually the beginning of a week-long binge of sorts during which I took 2C-B, a lot of Ketamine, 4-HO-MET, some more cocaine on one night with friends, and then eventually the same dose of acid but without any Valium this time about 6 days later, to cap off my drug holiday, so to speak.
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<br>
The second acid trip was not as psychologically intense, although I was a lot more aware of some of the more subtle visuals, whereas I think the first time round the Diazepam masked a lot of these effects until close to the peak when they just blasted through and I witnessed the evolution of life on Earth in my clothes drying rack.
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<br>
Retrospectively I did not feel entirely good about combining Diazepam with acid the first time round, or even, in fact, Ketamine – although I do think that given the spontaneous and somewhat unplanned nature of the trip it probably was somewhat necessary the first time round because I wasn’t quite ready, psychologically, for the sheer unbridled power of what the dosage would surely have been without something to soften it a little… After my second acid trip however with a few days to spare I decided to cut short my week long binge and locked away all my drugs in my drugs box for a future time.
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<br>
A lot of the realisations I had however have stayed with me, specifically my feelings about just being able to trust myself… I’m not sure what the future will bring for me, but I do feel a lot better about the uncertainty. This also reminded me how much I absolutely love psychedelics… I have been indulging in a lot of more harmful drugs recently, cocaine, alcohol, nicotine in smokeable, cigarette form, weed in, again, smokeable form… and this really made me reconsider the reasons I choose to have drugs in my life, which ultimately is for beautiful experiences like this trip, and not self-destructive, harmful reasons.
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<br>
Finally, this trip really made me question a lot of my feelings about the nature of reality, and concepts of “God” for lack of a better word. Ultimately I am still effectively an atheist, I believe in human reason, I’m not going to convert to any one religion… but this feeling I experienced of being touched by something more than human, and of being, for lack of a better word, blessed, is something which I am still attempting to come to grips with in my psyche and my view of reality. I don’t think that this feeling is in any way really incompatible with a largely materialistic view of the world, but it truly did remind me that there is something magical and transcendent about human sapience, and the apparent reality of the immaterial qualia behind our materialistic attempts to explain an, in many ways, inexplicable world.<!-- End Body -->
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<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111474</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 29</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 25, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,410</td></tr>
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<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">117 lb</td>
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<!--I’ve read Erowid for years prior to this experience, especially when I was in my mid-late teens. I completely believe that the reason why I had a ‘positive trip’ was because I remembered and relied on the trip experiences that I read years ago, and hope to contribute back to this community with this report. I'd like to begin by saying that I am very grateful for the other trip experiences that I read in my youth.
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-->BACKGROUND:
<br>
In terms of my drug background, I had my first cigarette and drink at 15, started drinking fairly heavily from 17-19, tried weed at 17 (I am not a big marijuana smoker given my development of migraines around 19-20) including edibles once in my early twenties. There was one experience with weed in my late teens where my friend ended up hospitalized and the paramedics informed me that we likely had ingested weed traced with something, most likely angel dust. That was accidental, not purposeful, and was a horrible night altogether. But in other words, I’m not a heavy drug user. I also had a slight dependency on sleeping aids when I was 17, and also went through a pretty significant depressive period around that time. I would say that at my current age (24), I have (or had) a significant amount of anxiety from a very high-pressure job and work environment, as well as a somewhat toxic social circle. I’m currently in a different country studying abroad, and the opportunity came up to try LSD. I’ve always wanted to try acid (bucket list) but figured that I’d never have the opportunity in my lifetime, as it’s not a common drug back home.
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SETTING:
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I took the drug with one of my flatmates here, who also was trying it for the first time. We wildly underestimated what we were getting into. Our dealer had told us that it was very light, and for him, he could function and walk around while tripping for between 4-6 hours, with the peak lasting 1 or 2. For me, the total trip lasted 17 hours <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">For me, the total trip lasted 17 hours</div></div> (dropped the tab at 4:15 p.m., took it out of my mouth at 4:45 p.m., slept at around 9 or 10 a.m.), while my flatmate tripped for about 15 before passing out. I cannot emphasize enough how much I did not know how my own body would react to a drug. We got VERY lucky being in a mostly positive environment when tripping. If we had made the decision to drop the tabs at a nightclub or party this could have been an entirely different experience. For most of the experience I was relatively comatose, and while my flatmate could talk and was somewhat better at walking around, we couldn’t have functioned outside of the contained environment we were in.
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For me, there were three different stages of the drug: the come up, the peak, and the come down. The come up lasted maybe 3-4 hours, the peak was maybe about 2, and the come down was the rest of the trip. That being said, acid makes it hard to track time. For reference, I’m writing this 2 sleeps after my trip (my sleep cycle now is pretty much fucked), and my brain still feels somewhat fuzzy and after-glow-y. I can describe that part after this. Again, I cannot emphasize enough how I could not predict how my body would react to a hard drug like acid. My flatmate was completely fine and went out partying again last night, whereas I needed to stay in and pretty much decompress. I am also a fairly low-weight, shorter (5”4/5”5) female, and alcohol also hits me faster than other people. I suspect that if one knows that drugs like alcohol/weed hit quickly, one may also be strongly affected by acid.
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Here’s a break-down of my experience:
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COME UP:
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We dropped the tabs expecting for this to be a MAX nine-hour experience, and so we took them in the late afternoon. We used tweezers to hold the LSD, and placed it underneath our tongues. We were sitting in our common area (thank god we had a space to chill in) with another friend who was watching over us as much as possible, although she would come in and out to attend classes – we definitely tried to have a non-judgmental and chill babysitter during this process.
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I felt nothing when I took out the tab for about half an hour, and then I started to feel something come on over me, akin to a headache. My friend felt pretty nauseous, although I wasn’t affected in that way. It almost felt like my brain was experiencing waves of ‘buzzing’. The experience was INCREDIBLY SIMILAR to sleep paralysis or lucid dreaming. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The experience was INCREDIBLY SIMILAR to sleep paralysis or lucid dreaming.</div></div>
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The first thing that I noticed was that I started to not be able to stop laughing because the chairs were suddenly floating. It was ridiculous, because the rest of the room was still pretty much normal, but the chairs were floating. The drug hit me very quickly compared to my friend – at this point, she was still completely normal. I would say it was almost as if she was 2 hours behind everything that was happening to me.
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Next thing I know, I’m barely able to move and I realize that holy fuck, this is a drug. Not a drug like alcohol or weed – LSD is a DRUG, and this is why our high school teachers warned us against them. I’m lying on the floor laughing hysterically and touching the carpet, because suddenly there are rainbows and refractory patterns EVERYWHERE and the carpet isn’t a carpet but a sea of little rainbow antenna dudes carrying me up in waves, and the room is spinning, and I can’t stand up. And the rest of the world is still ‘in place’ and normal, and I can see my two friends staring at me with concern asking if I’ve gone insane, but I’m just looking at the carpet with disbelief.
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My body is wracked with hot sweats and then cold tremors, and my hands are shaking, and I start tripping balls. The little rainbow antenna dude lead my eyes towards a shadow under the chair which is now a raven sweeping over a giant field of rainbow crystal tiny buildings.
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Time is at once years long and seconds short.
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At some point our babysitter brings our dealer into the room, who is pretty much astounded at how much my friend and I are tripping (my friend started by this point). I can’t tell whether he is himself or another guy that I know, and I also can’t tell if he’s in the room. Auditory loops start happening. Nothing really makes sense in terms of time.
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My friend and I also, at one point, when our babysitter had to go to class, grab lights in her room and drag ourselves from her room back to the common room linked together by the cord. Darkness and glowing lights are incredible. It’s like seeing a thousand tiny beautiful glass snowflakes. I’m intimately aware that I am on a drug. Outlines around objects turn into pulsing and spiraling rainbows. Everything is spinning. Gravity no longer works right.
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At another point, I find myself standing in the hallway on a metal grate thousands of miles above a rainbow swirling universe with space-ships shooting rainbow coloured fire at me. The walls around are spinning and melting.
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At even another point (time makes no sense), I am lying on the floor in the common room, on a raft surrounded by dead people (blankets). I’m not concerned by this, because I remember from other trips that I read years ago that it’s important to not be bothered or turn things into a dark trip. I’m actually having a great time on the raft.
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The important thing to note about LSD, which I did not know before I took it, is that it is a HARD DRUG. Hallucinogens are NOT BULLSHIT, which is what I kind of expected before taking it. The best way to describe it is being drunk inside of a lucid dream. Keeping my shit together required immense focus. This is not a drug that should be used lightly.
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PEAK:
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I’m lying with my friend in the common room, and am completely incapable of walking. There’s a metallic taste in my mouth. The buzzing swelling over my body has gotten as extreme as I’ve ever experienced. Everything is a swirl of rainbows and patterns, and if my mind latches onto an idea it plasters it everywhere. The radiator spins off of the wall, revealing a world of rainbows behind it, while barely hanging on. The dirty basement window, which looks pretty ordinary normally, is suddenly an aquarium, and trees and plants in the darkness start glowing and shifting light. I keep thinking that it’s December because everywhere is ‘snowing’ beautiful rainbow colours. Alternately the trees start growing beautiful luminescent tentacle arms and then screaming faces and then flowers and birds, etc. It was gorgeous.
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I stare up and everything is spinning and whirling. I am pretty sure I am dripping snot, sweat, and drooling at this point, lying on my back. The ceiling starts to come off more and more, and I’m intimately aware of my brain pushing it up. I keep hearing auditory loops – I think that something bad is happening to my other friend, so I keep hearing her yelling (almost in a parallelogram fashion – I can’t quite explain it) for our other friend, and I figure that they are in the hallway. (In reality, at this point, our babysitter was rollerblading outside the common room because she got bored since I was just staring at a wall and our other friend was with a fourth friend in a different corridor.) I’m playing the song LSD by Travis Scott for maybe five hours straight, and it’s the best song I’ve heard in my life (also the music video is the most accurate LSD experience that a sober person could understand). I can’t handle any type of sensory stimulation like movies or music videos, just quiet music in the background.
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There’s a whirling dark hole above my head, and I don’t remember much of this part, but it was definitely the peak. I thought I was going to die. My heart beat was racing and time made no sense. I just remember talking myself through it – that this is a drug, that I am having a good trip, that I am fine. At different points I feel myself dripping down into a ‘bad trip’ but I ‘pull myself out’, for lack of a better word. When hallucinations become ‘scary’ or bad, I simply accept them as they are, don’t freak out, and move forward. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">When hallucinations become ‘scary’ or bad, I simply accept them as they are, don’t freak out, and move forward.</div></div> I truly believe this thought pattern, at different points, saved my experience.
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At one point I (or I hallucinate that I) am trying to kill myself, and put my hand over my face to try to stop the breathing with my rainbow coloured hand. I’m still not sure if I did this in reality or just in my trip. Something tells me to stop (maybe my sober mind), and I put my ‘hand’ down, and keep focusing on breathing and keeping myself alive.
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<br>
When the ceiling comes off of the room, revealing a dark rainbow spinning galaxy around the edges, something screams ‘get out’ or ‘get back’ or ‘grab her down’ – I’m not quite sure. I shudder pretty much back into my own body and stop trying to do that. If this makes any sense, I’m pretty certain I was close to the max amount of LSD that my body could handle. At another point during the peak, I rise out of my body and look at the others in the room. I keep trying to get out of my body but that’s the furthest that I can get after that moment.
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<br>
At various points I keep thinking that our babysitter is gone from the room. She keeps being replaced mentally by hallucinations that she’s a different human being. She tells me after that I kept poking my head out of the enclave and asking her if she was still there. Also at different points I was apparently talking without making any noise, which scared her. At this point she’s with me for most of the night, and LSD amplifies your emotions, so I’m super grateful towards her (although concerned that she isn’t focusing as much on our other friend, who is more explorative and running around). I have strong negative feelings associated with our fourth friend, who promised to babysit but in reality kind of ditches us. It gives me a lot of clarity, afterwards, that she (the fourth friend) isn’t mentally capable of being the type of person that I was hoping she would be as a friend.
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<br>
COME DOWN:
<br>
My friend, our babysitter and the fourth friend come back into the room. I’m still completely tripping balls, and we have a conversation for about two hours that makes no sense. Our fourth friend is a pretty terrible babysitter and keeps laughing at my friend and I, which pisses me off immensely and is a horrible idea during a first trip. My friend who is tripping is also much more vocal than me and keeps trying to explain the experience, whereas I want to just be in a corner by myself and enjoy it. Again, different trips for different people. I’m getting super annoyed by how much she is talking and how much our fourth friend (and occasionally our babysitter, who is quieter but joins in on the laughter occasionally) is being selfish and just wants to know about the experience for herself, rather than letting us enjoy it.
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<br>
Music is still incredible. I manage at one point to, once our fourth friend FINALLY leaves and my other friend shuts up, convince our babysitter to give me back my phone (she took it from me, which was a good idea at first), and I listen to the same ‘LSD’ song by Travis Scott on repeat for pretty much two or three hours while staring at the wall. For me at least, music is absolutely incredible. My brain gets stuck over and over on the song and it’s unbelievably awesome. By far, this was the best (and most fun) part of the experience for me. <!--I highly recommend listening to a chilled out or soothing song (I’d recommend classical music or something mellow and buzzy) if it’s your first time.--> During the come up I also listened to Debussy, and it was AMAZING. The hallucinations begin to match the song, and I could delve deeper and deeper into the dream while mellowing out. At one point during the come down birds started chirping outside, and it was also absolutely gorgeous.
<br>
<br>
My friend (the tripping one) is still super vocal, and after a while I get tired of listening to the song. My babysitter was lying beside me because she was pretty much certain I was going to die curled up into a ball clutching my phone, drooling and staring at the wall, but our tripping friend comes back and sits down with us and continues to talk, as she’s more vocal than I am.
<br>
<br>
I recognize at this point (she’s younger than me) that this trip shouldn’t be about me just selfishly enjoying it, but also trying to talk through her issues. We get into a pretty deep conversation while still tripping about her own life, and I keep feeling pretty deep guilt about letting her do hard drugs with me when she’s younger (still an adult, but with less life experience). I mention this repeatedly to our babysitter. Our tripping friend starts crying and going through her own life experiences and what she needs to improve in her life, and at this point I feel like there is a rainbow of white light bathing underneath my body connecting me to her. It was pretty powerful. We talk about how we need to stop being kids just staring in a corner doing LSD, which is a pretty powerful metaphor for the rest of my life – it’s important to also turn away from the corner and bathe in the rest of the sober, real world. At one point while crying (I’m crying as well because the emotions are overwhelming and I’m also still tripping – she is bathed in gold, rainbows, and is alternately a cat or balding, which is completely normal in the trip) she turns to me and asks me “but ______, you always look out for me and help me analyze my problems, but who is looking out for you? What are your problems? Why are you doing this trip? I know you think that I am a younger version of you which is why you always worry for me, but who is worrying for you?” and I start pretty much bawling my face off for a good five minutes. I’m not as vocal as she is, but it was still a pretty deep conversation and one that I will take with me for hopefully years to come – especially the metaphor of a young boy staring into the corner instead of turning around and seeing the rest of the world.
<br>
<br>
The next (what feels like a hundred or so hours) is just spent with our babysitter eventually going to bed because the trip is largely over, but we’re still hyper stimulated, tripping, but exhausted. At various points I end up walking around the table for about two hours, trying to make myself tired enough to go to sleep. Eventually we drink milk, and that makes me feel nauseous and the trip finally starts to come down. By 6:45 a.m., my friend has a short nap and I grab my stuff and take a shower while still tripping. To explain, the floor is still moving, there are rainbows everywhere, I am hyper stimulated, but for the most part I am SOBER within the hallucinations, which hadn’t happened before. I return back to the room and my friend is gone to her room, so I knock on her door and check on her before going back to my room. I pass out sometime around 9 or 10 a.m.
<br>
<br>
CONCLUSION:
<br>
The first stage, for me, was tripping on certain visuals while being still aware of the rest of the world. The peak was physically a bit of a nightmare to get through, and I’m pretty certain that I took close to my maximum dose possible, as most of this trip was me comatose on the floor staring at the ceiling drooling and shaking, which I did not expect when I dropped it. The come down was brutally long. I wish I had on hand some sleeping pills so that I could fall asleep and get out of the trip faster than the 17 hours that it lasted.
<br>
<br>
The closest metaphor I can give to an understanding of what LSD is like is being drunk inside of a lucid dream. A lot of art makes a lot more sense to me now. Every Windows Movie Maker filter is one hundred percent real. At one point I thought I was inside a literal bubble. Peoples faces shift and change. I stared in the mirror and saw a spiral of rainbow light going around one of my pupils, while my face aged and became normal again. All of this happened not while I was LUCID, but I was INTIMATELY aware of the fact that I was ‘high’.
<br>
<br>
I took LSD because it was a bucket list item for me, and because I was curious if I could gain a spiritual understanding of the world or ‘see God’. I realized during the trip that I can’t hack my own brain (LSD is functionally ‘hacking’ the brain for pleasure and hallucinations) to understand the world – my brain only understands what I understand. However, LSD was an effective tool in sorting out a lot of emotional questions that I thought were complicated (but really weren’t). That being said, it also is EVIDENTLY a party drug. I don’t think I’ll have the opportunity again in my life to take it (which is probably a blessing), but if I did, I would take a quarter or half of a tab and go enjoy music or art. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I would take a quarter or half of a tab and go enjoy music or art.</div></div> I would never recommend that anybody take LSD, though. This was a HARD drug. Weed and alcohol are a joke compared to acid. A complete, and utter joke. a friend exaggerating while drunk and pretending to go swimming while in the bathtub, or saying that they’re the prime minister of the world before sleeping in their own vomit? That is nothing, and practically a lie.
<br>
<br>
I don’t think I knew what I expected before taking LSD, but it blew away my expectations. It was a fantastic, and powerful, but at the same time, completely horrific experience. I look back on it with intense positivity but also way more fear than what I had expected, going into it. For me, this was more of a tool of self-reflection – my friend, on the other hand, went out partying again last night, while I’m still emotionally a bit depleted. I keep feeling alternately completely fine and beyond positive, and having moments of really wanting to take the drug again psychologically, and then going a bit down and thinking that I nearly killed myself (and how stupid it was to just put a tab in my mouth without really planning anything out). I’m still pretty faded, but I feel OVERALL pretty positive, just drained.
<br>
<br>
Takeaways:
<br>
<!--Obviously read this site for trip reports. -->I got really lucky in relying on my past knowledge when tripping, which I completely had forgotten that I should have done. I’d suggest being prepared before taking it, but I know that sometimes that isn’t possible. The first question one needs to ask oneself is why you are taking the drug, and what you want to get out of it. For me, the self-reflection has been the BEST part of the trip by far. I would not have had this much emotional benefit if I had not taken the drug. At the same time, it is INCREDIBLY powerful, and I did not know how my body would react. I'm an adult, I made an adult decision. But I would only do the drug if I one hundred percent wanted to do it. Anybody who recommends that another person take LSD is an idiot, and probably doesn’t care much about their mental state. Be careful of these assholes.
<br>
<br>
1. Having a babysitter. For me, I would have enjoyed the trip more if people had been less verbal and vocal, and simply chilled with me or beside me. I also wish that our babysitter was someone who took the drug before, but beggars can't be choosers. I didn't know what I wanted until I tripped myself. But it was very important to have a non-judgmental person with me who could at least get authorities if I started not breathing or freaking out. Someone to talk me down, at least. If I had had negative feelings towards my babysitter, those would just have been amplified during the trip and made things bad. I made sure to choose positively.
<br>
<br>
2. Recognizing that the effects of the drug on my dealer or on others could be very different on me. Guys who bought from the same dealer as us had literally no hallucinations or just mild visual patterns, while I was stuck in a 17 hour JOURNEY. <!--Take acid at your own risk. I’d really recommend figuring out the dosage in the tab, but I didn’t do that, so I can understand if you won’t either. Just be careful. This has nothing to do with a weak mind or anything like that – people simply react in different ways.-->
<br>
<br>
3. Being in a safe place. I would not trip around parents or judgmental people. I made sure there was somewhere I could go to if I started feeling overwhelmed, like a nook or cranny to lie in and think about things. I wouldn’t recommend being around sober people. Dropping acid and then walking around during the day for my first experience would have probably been a bad idea, because I didn't know how I would react to the drug.
<br>
<br>
4. If I had an underlying mental illness (not situational anxiety or depression, but a significant history of schizophrenia in my family, etc.), this would not be the drug for me. I would not take LSD if I was taking medicine for mental illnesses or suspected that I likely suffer from one. I think that the acid has really helped me reflect on my situation back home (as I’m currently abroad) and how I can fix my own situational problems, so it can be positive for minor spurts of sadness/anxiety, but I would not do it if I were dealing with something more significant. If I were running away from issues in my own life, I would not have been able to run away from the trip.
<br>
<br>
5. Keeping sleeping pills on hand or milk to abort the trip early: I’ve heard it’s a placebo, but I swear that milk worked well for my friend and I (better for me – she thinks it’s a placebo but I don’t). Once I hit the 13-14 hour mark, I was exhausted and wanted to get out, even if it was a positive experience. If I ever did the drug again (five or ten years in the future at a music festival at a lower dose), I’d definitely bring sleeping pills.
<br>
<br>
6. Asking myself why I'm taking the drug. <!--If you are taking the drug because of sadness and wanting to escape your own life, it can be a useful tool for self-reflection, but it also is dangerous. -->Even now when I sit and reflect on the drug, I keep having weird moments of wanting to take more of it, and combine it with other mood-altering drugs for a party experience. I think this drug has a powerful capacity for spiritual and self-awareness purposes, but also can easily be abused by fucked-up kids looking to kill their minds. I’m personally very satisfied with the self-reflection, but I can feel the pull towards going deeper and deeper into the dream.
<br>
<br>
7. Taking the drug on a day when for at least 24-48 hours afterwards, I didn't have to do a ton of mental thinking, go back to work or have exams/tests in university/school. I was pretty wiped out after the trip (alternating headaches, exhaustion, feeling really great – the afterglow, and then feeling back to very tired), although my friend wasn’t.
<br>
<br>
Overall, I look back at this with a WOW, I can’t believe that I had the opportunity to do this awe-inspiring drug, and I’m so glad that I did. That being said, I am way more wary of drugs that I ever was in the past. I had no idea. LSD, as I said before, is a HARD drug. I took the steps away from mood-altering substances into a serious hallucinogen. I was hacking my brain. <!--If you are an adult, you’ll have to make the decision for yourself whether you want to do it. I don’t recommend LSD to anyone. -->It is the one drug that I think is completely not over-hyped. What a once-in-a-lifetime experience, though. This trip report only reflects on brief moments during the trip itself - there are still moments of tripping that I remember but am too exhausted to type out. It's a long, difficult and arduous (but fun, beautiful and INCREDIBLE) JOURNEY. If you choose to do it, please be careful. Know yourself (love yourself) and what you want.
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<br>
<!--And thank you again to Erowid for being a platform that probably saved my life.--><!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111305</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 29, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,402</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111305&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111305&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Personal Preparation (45), Hangover / Days After (46), Guides / Sitters (39), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Difficult 1st Experience With LSD
<br>
<br>
I would like to start out stating that my writing skills could use some work so please bear with me through my story about my first LSD experience. I hope that it may persuade others to not ignore set &amp; setting as I did.
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<br>
As much as I now wish I would have written this down when I had more of the pieces still in my head to recall, I'm writing this 5 days after my first experience with LSD. I will start off by saying that I didn't have any intention of trying it for the first time at a small music festival after getting a good alcohol buzz going, but that is how it worked out. My previous experience with psychedelics is limited to three .5g doses of some (by what others said) fairly potent mushrooms and that is it. So basically I had micro dosed mushrooms before this and that is all. I have become interested in psychedelics mainly for self improvement, not so much for recreation.
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<br>
Me and my wife showed up to the festival (at a small lake outside of town) about 6PM with a few beers, a jar of apple pie moonshine, some good bud, and a couple of sleeping bags (we decided to just post up in the van when the night was over). I am by nature a little anxious especially around people I do not know, so the first thing I did when I parked the van was grab the apple pie and take a few sips to calm the nerves. We were a little late so the first band had already started playing so I grabbed a beer and we walked on up by the stage. A few bands and a few beers later (6 maybe?) it was good and dark and the final band was about to go up which was supposed to be really good. It turns out after just 6 beers I was feeling loose enough to think that trying LSD at 9pm around a bunch of strangers was a great idea! <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">It turns out after just 6 beers I was feeling loose enough to think that trying LSD at 9pm around a bunch of strangers was a great idea!</div></div> So I took 1/2 a hit (they were supposed to be 100ug), and went back up by the stage. The final band was setup and had started playing, over the next hour I didn't notice much of anything besides the music was amazing and I was having a blast.
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<br>
About 10:30 or so the music was done and it was time for socializing around the fire. My wife's brother was there and I spent most of the night hanging around him and his friends, he took one hit of LSD, and also two supposed 'mushroom pills', he has much much more experience with these things than I do. So I find myself sitting on a cooler noticing how the Toyota Camry parked in front of me was getting pretty 'fuzzy', but nothing else had changed visually, and I didn't feel any head change.
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<br>
At this point I decided to take the other half, not thinking about how long this was going to last. Fast forward to 1am, the car is even fuzzier but other than that nothing much has changed, at this point I start thinking that this must not be LSD, but I had never had it so I didn't know.
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<br>
Getting bored with the ordeal I decided to smoke a little herb to liven things up a bit. Three decent pulls later I noticed that if I shut my eyes I'm seeing patterns, first time for that, it was exciting and a little scary at the same time. I was expecting quite a head change this far into an LSD trip but I honestly felt quite sober and was still left with a fuzzy Camry to stare at. About 3am it was getting cold and the wind had picked up, and my 'fun meter' was pretty much bottomed out, I just wanted to call it a night.
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<br>
At this point I decided to try and lay down in the back of the van with the wife and get some sleep knowing that it probably wouldn't happen, but I had to try. I got into my sleeping bag, closed my eyes, and started to try and enjoy the visuals. About 2 minutes into the visuals they fairly quickly faded into the deepest black I have ever 'seen' and for a moment I felt so peaceful like everything was perfect at that point in time. Unfortunately it was only a second after this feeling that I for some reason thought I was dying or something and went into panic mode. I opened my eyes just to find that I still couldn't see anything, little did I know my face was covered by the sleeping bag (yes please laugh, even in panic mode I chuckled inside a bit when I realized what was happening). So the panic got worse, I figured out the sleeping bag issue, I sat up and thought 'I have to get the hell out of this van now!', so I did.
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<br>
I stood outside the van looking around and pacing for a couple of minutes trying to get control of myself. While I never completely shook that feeling that night, I did manage to get back over to where my brother in law was, luckily they were cracking jokes and being positive which helped me get through the next couple of hours. Somewhere in there I noticed that the logs in the fire had hieroglyphics on them, which at this point I really didn't want to see, I just wanted it to be over with. I sat silently for the next hour or so with the feeling that I am one thread away from loosing my sanity and around this time my brother in law was talking about calling it a night and I was thinking this dude is keeping me sane, this is going to get more difficult. By some strike of luck the wife woke up and of course wondered where in the hell I was, so she showed up and I was relieved.
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<br>
We went back to the van and I explained to her that I really need her to stay up with me because I feel like I'm on the edge of loosing it. I was in a state of fear/panic and I had no reason to feel that way, which was the worst part about it. The whole night I had been thinking please just let the sun come up, if the sun comes up I will be fine, then the sun came up and I changed my mind. I still had the 'crazy' thoughts and now I had tree limbs moving not steadily in the wind together, but moving in different directions in a jerky, point a to point b instantly motion back and fourth, I did my best to enjoy it but with my state of mind I found it if anything slightly disturbing. It also looked as though the sun was coming up from the east and the west at the same time which I will admit was quite fascinating. The clouds were flowing in waves like an upside down ocean, the color of the sky in the west felt so alien like this color has a direct tie into my nervous system and makes me believe something bad is happening over that way, like there is no more world beyond this 'wall of color'. After about an hour of the sun being up I calmed down enough that we decided to head home (the wife drove of course).
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<br>
Leaving the lake was quite a good feeling, as though I thought that was all that was left and I wasn't sure that I would see 'the world' again. By the time we got to the house I still had a bit of worry that I would be stuck with some amount of constant panic as it was still there, just not near as bad. Walking up to the house I noticed how green the fresh vegetation was, and how everything just looked over saturated and beautiful. I headed inside but quickly turned around because I wanted to enjoy something about this ordeal, at this time I was very much enjoying being outside. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I wanted to enjoy something about this ordeal, at this time I was very much enjoying being outside.</div></div>
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<br>
It did take a couple of days to shake the 'residual' feelings I had going on during the trip, especially while trying to go to sleep, or smoking some bud. As of now, 5 days later, I would say I feel pretty normal and thankful for that. Now I just wish I wouldn't have panicked and went with the strangeness, I'm quite curious what was behind that door that I ran away from.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111862</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 31</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 1, 2018</td><td>Views: 1,923</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111862&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111862&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Large Party (54), Nature / Outdoors (23), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), First Times (2)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">250 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/smarts/phenibut/">Smarts - Phenibut</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 6:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 g</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/smarts/phenibut/">Smarts - Phenibut</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">62 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I was together with my boyfriend when we decided to give LSD another go. Our first time together, which for me was the first experience of a psychoactive substance ever, turned into a nightmare. Three months have passed and we felt like we were ready to do it once more. Only this time we agreed that we should do it separately and tripsit each other, in order not to get hurt, and to comfort each other if the trip was to become terrifying again.
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<br>
We both had per 1 hit of LSD, 175-180 micrograms each. We had some weed around, which was a really strong kind. I also had some phenibut lying around, because I read that it might make a trip more bearable.
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<br>
I think that I should probably first describe my boyfriend's experience, for it was crucial for my own. Until a certain point everything was absolutely fine: we were talking, music was playing, every other hour I took him out to the balcony. Then, about 4 hours into his trip, it happened. I said something about my tummy being feeling kinda full, even though I literally ate nothing for a whole day straight. Then my bf said something about the trip overwhelming him, then – about how scary it would be for smth to happen to me while he was wasted like that. He lost himself the very next moment. I would talk to him for an hour straight, he would only remotely remember that he was having acid. He repeated my name, his name. When I told him our address and stuff that happened before he took the hit, he would say that 'it all makes so much sense'. Then he would lose himself again. Music and talking never helped. In about an hour and a half I gave him 500 mg phenibut, in another 30 minutes he was 'back'. We both had a smoke of weed this time, about 0.1 g for each of us. It helped him to fall asleep, and he did not experience further visual stimulation.
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<br>
The next day was pretty tiring. We had a long walk with his friends, my bf had his first tattoo done. We got home at about 8 pm, and I took my hit, about an hour later than my boyfriend did the day before. He was very tired (only had like 2 hours of sleep the night before), yet he managed to stay with me till the end.
<br>
<br>
The acid kicked in about 2 hours after the intake. We decided I would take 0.250 g phenibut before the peak and another 0.5 if I would trip way too hard. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The acid kicked in about 2 hours after the intake. We decided I would take 0.250 g phenibut before the peak and another 0.5 if I would trip way too hard.</div></div> At that point I only got those 0.25. I saw happy patterns and glitter all over my ceiling, we were listening to some cool chill music. My boyfriend was ever so loving and gentle, he would give me water, he would talk to me, hold me. We even had sex, the best sex we ever had. The trip was bomb. It was about 5,5 hours since my intake. I almost felt sober already. We thought that it was over and that we could go and sleep. We had some weed ( I had about 2 sips, overall it was about 0.2 in total), so that I would be able to sleep.
<br>
<br>
* * *
<br>
Then I think it happened. It slowly took over me. When I think about it now, I can tell that the visual hallucinations have become like 20 times more intense, though I couldn't realize it back then. About 10 min after I had a smoke, out of nowhere, I felt this thought of pure enlightenment. Like I have discovered the the ultimate Truth of the Existence. I felt this urge to tell it, to film it. I still have it filmed. Sounds like pure nonsense now, I could not put it into words. I still remember it though. It was the RGB spectrum being connected to the space/time continuum. The Red on the spectrum was like the starting point, the Big Bang, then it got cooler around the epicenter, turning into Green, then into Blue. The closer one gets to the Big Bang, the more mentally (philosophically) primitive one becomes, which felt like back in history, way back to the ancient Egyptians, apes, dinosaurs, quarks. Pure Red meant birth of thought itself. On the opposite, the closer one comes to Blue, the more advanced one becomes as a consciousness through philosophical and empirical development. The more Blue one becomes, the more aware one becomes of the way things work in the universe and in the human mind. Pure Blue equals death of all life in the universe, then everything would go backwards in 'time/space' to Red, explode and live again.
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<br>
At the same time I had another thought in my head which purely described relationships between people: you are one with your loved when you both are Red. Big Bang happens. Then their voice splits from yours, then their body splits from yours, then you drift away from each other, and you become more of 'yourself' (as in 'you= thou') and less aware of you two together, of 'us'. When you reach Blue you are in pure 'solitude', and you seek warmth, so you go back into the state of Red.
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<br>
To put it into words: I have completely lost the aspect of time and space. It became like a 3d dimension of RGB gradients, and I would fly inside it, getting closer and closer to Red. Probably in my head I thought that me and my bf as a whole were at yellowish green of mind development and relationships, but I decided to 'go back to Red'.
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<br>
* * *
<br>
My bf didn't realize that I had this fucking revelation, so he tried to make me sleep. I couldn't. Inside my head there was nothing. There was me, him, I saw him move, have a drink. It was about 30 minutes after I had weed. Then I guess my body started waking up, but my MIND was yet in this state of nothing, and I as a person went into the pure state of insane. I woke up. I didn't know who I was. Where I was. Who I was with. I could only remember only this moment inside my room. I could remember my bf's face, I knew who he was, but I did not recognize him. He talked to me. Told me over and over who I was. Who he was. Where we were. I ran around. I screamed. He slapped me in the face. He put me in the bathtub. He poured water on me. Cold. Then I woke up for a fraction of a second. Then I lost it again.
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<br>
The only 'dimension' I knew and felt was Sound, so I tried to shout, to make something different. I ran around the flat. Yelled, broke the shower curtain. I begged my bf to turn the music on, and so he did. But I could not hear it, I could only hear his voice and my own screams. I felt like I was caught in a loop. I tried to get out. I felt like the whole Existence was me screaming in the bathtub. I wanted to be at peace, wanted to fall asleep. But I couldn't. It was wet and cold. I felt like I would never fall asleep again.
<br>
<br>
At the peak of my madness I remembered my previous trip. I thought that I was still there. But I started to realize that now it was different. My bf didn't have a tattoo then. I grabbed him by the hand where the tattoo was (it was covered with medical cloth and tape). He said he was in pain. I was scared to ruin the tattoo. I lost it again. I was screaming, running, hurting him. I reaped his clothes. I almost strangled him.
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<br>
As I learned later, during these 2 hours of madness he gave me more phenibut. 1 gram total. I slowly regained myself. I was scared, terrified of the mere thought that I hurt him again. I slowly started remembering facts about myself. Like that I smoked cigarettes. And that I had a job. That I had a dog (who was running around this whole time). We went to the balcony again. I saw my boyfriend's face. He looked terrified. I never saw him cry before. I think he did, while I was still 'there'. I felt such pain and guilt. I now realize that I was not to be blamed. But it kills me to even think that it was his fault. It probably was.
<br>
<br>
It has been 21 hours since I took the hit. I am myself. I am at peace. I'd probably like the experience if I didn't hurt anyone. I do not think that I will try anything this strong ever again. Or will I? I can't say for sure. The only thing I know right now is that I would not mind trying to enter the Void one more time, so that I would be able to meet the Red again.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110488</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 5, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,379</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110488&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110488&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Guides / Sitters (39), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
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</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 shots</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Hard</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bump</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 6:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">65 kg</td>
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<!-- Start Body -->
I’m a guitarist, singer, cook, psychonaut, autodidact, reflective, caring type with a history of violence, abuse, depression, therapy and drug abuse. I drink occasionally, don’t really have much tolerance to alcohol. I’ve been smoking cannabis at least three spliffs almost every day for the past nine years, with an occasional period of three to five grams a day. I took 2c-b once in my life. Eight years ago I had a period of MDMA abuse. Seven years ago I had a period of benzodiazepine abuse. Then I used 2c-e three times. From 2015 to 2016 I was on Aripiprazole for Autism Spectrum Disorder and paranoia. I have taken shrooms many times and done doses ranging up to 100 grams of fresh mushrooms. I have no prior experience with Ketamine or LSD.
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<br>
I have been interested in LSD for a long time already. I was hoping they would do what shrooms never could: teach me something that doesn’t sound laughable the next day or have what I learned fade away with time. So I looked at It’s pharmacology, talked about it with many psychonauts, read up on other peoples trip reports and what effects it can have on websites<!-- like Erowid, Wikipedia and PsychonautWiki-->. Ketamine I know a thing or two about, but never looked into the pharmacology of it.
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<br>
March 25th 2017
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T- 8:00; Full of confidence and joy I take two shots of Jägermeister and wash it down with some apple cider. After a while I feel buzzed, bordering to tipsy. I pack my tripping foods, drinks and gear.
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<br>
T- 2:30; I smoke a really nice spliff with Amnesia Haze on the way at the station.
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<br>
T- 0:30; Finally arriving at the venue, the four hour travel time had somewhat taken its toll so I was a little tired. I head over to the tiny “stoner house”, where one is allowed to do drugs. I prepare my metal party bong, stick the rest of the earlier half-smoked spliff in the bong, toke up and roll another two spliffs. I put all the spliffs in my jacket pocket, take the stuff from my bag I need throughout the night, smoke the rest of the spliff and head inside to drop my bag and jacket off at the cloakroom. I came here to have fun and dance and the cannabis makes me feel mellow enough to start dancing in the middle of a still almost empty venue, without feeling embarrassed.
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<br>
T- 0:15; After about an hour of dancing, a friend I met a couple raves before comes up to me and gives me a great bro hug. I ask him if he has some xtc for me. He gives me an xtc pill for free and tells me it’s great MDMA, tested at ~250mg.
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<br>
T+ 0:00; It’s 11:00pm when I walk over to the bar and have myself some electrolyte drink to swallow the xtc. I feel excited and energetic with no trace of nerves.
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<br>
T+ 0:30; After dancing for half an hour I get tired. I wish I had some speed. I head over to the stoner house to give my feet a rest and smoke a spliff. I end up in a conversation with a really cute couple.
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<br>
T+ 0:40 (+); As I'm talking to her the first effects start to come on. My hands get a little clammy, my heart rate increases and I steadily feel the euphoria and energy set in.
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<br>
T+ 0:50 (++); I tell my new friend that the xtc is really starting to feel good and I head inside to go for a dance. Full of energy, empathy and euphoria I head to the dance floor and start dancing really intensively.
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<br>
T+ 1:10 (+++); I’m getting too warm and a little nauseous and my feet hurt. I open the zipper of my thin jacket and walk outside for a bit to cool off. I remember I have a piece of spliff left in my bong so I go back to the stoner house and smoke it. It feels very cold so I head back towards the club. On the way there I walk in to a couple stoner looking guys with dreadlocks. They’re talking about LSD so I join the conversation and after a fun talk about tripping proceed to ask if he wants to sell me two hits. He says he likes me and sells me 2 hits for 15 bucks instead of the usual 20 ‘because it is my first time’. He tells me they are 125 μg blotters that give a really clean but strong trip. Then I head back inside.
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<br>
T+ 1:30 (+++); I walk into a group of guys, of which I knew two, and we start talking about psychedelics. One of them pulls out a little zip lock with white powder. Thinking it’s speed I ask for a small bump. The baggy and the key go round and before it ends up in my hands someone mentions it’s Ketamine, not speed. I tell them I’ve been interested in trying it out. The baggy finally ends up in my hands. At this point the anticipation is very strong. My heart beat is racing from excitement being used to the speed rush. I snort a bump off a key and I’m surprised at how smooth it goes down: No nasty aftertaste, no sharp pain in my nose and most of all, no almost instant and obvious effect like speed.
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<br>
T+ 2:00 (+++); The nausea and overheating have completely disappeared. I feel super relaxed and my heart rate calms down. Trippy rotating light visualizations projected on the walls are starting to look more vibrant. Sounds seem like they have an additional dimension to vibrate in and the euphoria is running strong. I tell the group I’m really digging this stuff. I thank them deeply and we all hug it out.
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<br>
T+ 2:30 (++); The effects of the MDMA are clearly starting to diminish. The empathy fades first, then the euphoria and I still have six and a half hours of partying to go before the first bus. I start to contemplate taking a hit of acid.
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T+ 3:00 (++) I decide to take the first hit of LSD. After keeping it under my tongue for a good half hour I wash it down with some water.
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<br>
T+ 4:00 (+) The first signs of the acid are showing themselves. Light effects are getting more vibrant, euphoria is steadily returning and I feet incredibly energetic.
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<br>
T+ 4:30 (++); I really liked the effects of LSD so far. It feels to me like all the good feelings when on MDMA, but none of the side effects. Combined with a fuzziness to everything, brighter colours and slight tracer effects. So it also reminds me of strong shroom trips. But having had really intense 2c-e and mushroom trips, I’m expecting a lot more at this point. While going to the bathroom I decide to drop the second hit too.
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<br>
T+ 5:00 (+++); The repetitive nature of deep psychedelic trance and according lighting is breaking down into fractals in my head. Geometric patterns are all over my vision. In the rotating light show on the wall I see a three dimensional picture of myself looking down on myself etc. My thoughts speed up and visualize themselves as a four dimensional snake. The snake eat it’s own tail to form an Ouroboros. I think of my last date and find myself turned on. The intense horny feeling spreads through my body like a wave of heat. I stretch myself out with my arms straight up. My body feels like it’s buzzing with electricity. All my senses are tingling. It is one of the most pleasant body highs that I have ever experienced.
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<br>
T+ 5:15 (++++); I start peaking. The Ouroboros itself starts to spin and as I look around me I feel a sense of connectedness. What I experienced next I can only describe as a collective consciousness experience. It feels like everyone in the crowd was sharing the same feelings, thoughts and perception. The Ouroboros tightens like a knot, shrinking down in size until it consists of just a point. Then the point vanishes. It reminds me of an old TV when turned off. The image quickly shrinking to a point and popping out of existence. For a while I experience nothingness.
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<br>
I drop back into reality with a feeling that I can only describe as a full body orgasm. It feels like I just got reborn. The patterns of light form another Ouroboros and shrink into a point again. Only this time instead of popping out of existence, blowing up and expanding into the whole 4 dimensional universe we exist in. I become the universe. I feel like I am watching god. For a period I know everything. The whole universe and all the forces in it make sense. I see my life up to now in cause and event chains, in a single image and understand what forces are produced by choice and which are deterministic.
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<br>
T+ 5:45 (+++); I come out of my peak and start to feel crowded. I try to communicate my experience with some people that I had conversations with before. I find myself unable to formulate proper sentences. At this point I have no idea that I’m tripping.
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<br>
T+ 6:00 (+++); With the music getting deeper and darker throughout the night, I see my fears in other people. People are acting strange like they are on drugs. Which I cannot confirm or deny. I walk into a guy who looked angry at me. He tries to go left as I go right, and goes right when I go left a couple times. I feel like he is mad at me for being in his way. I feel like our realities are colliding with each other and I start to feel fear. I hear people whisper their opinion on the party. At this point, I’m not going to lie, I feel anxious or even panicky. I find myself wondering what the hell is going on and when will it stop? The music and the dense crowd make me feel very claustrophobic but I decide to move into the crowd a little deeper to try and find people with mellower vibes around me. I take the first step and I already feel much better. Every time I move to a different spot, I find the same people following me, bumping into me and not giving me any personal space. People all around me appear to break down into verbal arguments with each other. Two Spanish ladies sound like they are constantly mad at each other.
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<br>
T+ 6:30 (+++); I head to the stoner house for a smoke to have some space. Unfortunately there were two guys sitting close by me. I could never understand them before when I wasn’t tripping, because of him mumbling strange stuff and them under pronouncing things from really far in the back of their mouths. He turns to me and starts talking to me. Now while tripping I can understand glimpses of the things he keeps repeating. Things like ‘nice party’, ‘soon I will throw a big private party’ among repetitive syllables in what sounds to me like Amsterdamnish. Lots of words containing Z’s pronounced as S’. Words sound morphed, reversed and retriggered. I turn away for him to proceed talking to the guy on the other side of him. I wonder if these are people that never came out of their acid trip. A group of French people are speaking French around me. I can’t understand them. It makes me feel like they are excluding and mocking me.
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<br>
T+ 6:40 (+++); I realize I kind of forgot I’m tripping. I close my eyes and shut myself off from my surroundings. I start contemplating all the things I’m experiencing. The thought dawns on me that all the things I’m seeing, all the aggression from people bumping into one another and all the fear I’m feeling are mostly caused by the substances I consumed, the state of mind I was in before the party, the crowdedness at the party, the amount of mental stimuli and my traumatic past.
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<br>
I sit there with the bong in my hand. I take a toke, it does not make me feel better. If anything it makes the voices worse. I decide to give the bong a rest. It feels great to consciously make that decision. I feel the power of choice as opposed to determinism. I have an epiphany moment where my addictions totally made sense. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I feel the power of choice as opposed to determinism. I have an epiphany moment where my addictions totally made sense.</div></div> I see genetics get passed down. I see my parents smoking cigarettes, cannabis and drink exceptional amounts of coffee. I realize that I cannot hate myself for my addictive tendencies and I must forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I realize that those tendencies are deterministic from my perspective but aside from that I made the decision to consume all and any of those drugs. I have to live through the consequences of those choices. So quitting a drug is also nothing more than a choice and sticking to the consequences.
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<br>
T+ 7:00 (+++); I go back inside for a last dance. I find myself thinking the trip's peak is lasting a little long for my liking. Time dilation makes 10 minutes feel like over half an hour. The next hour and 15 minutes I’m trying to cope with tiredness. My head is so full with so many different thoughts and feelings from throughout the night. I’m pretty confident that I’m just imagining things mostly, with the exception of the guy at the stoner house. The knowledge that the person I hung with most of the night was not tripping on LSD and that she appears to be tripping from my perspective makes that clear to me.
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T+ 08:15 (+++); I go to the stoner house to get my bong. I warm up at the campfire with a warm scarf wrapped around my neck. I feel comfortable, enlightened and most of all eager to comprehend the experience I just had.
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T+ 08:30 (+++); I say goodbye to the people I talked to throughout the night. I’m left with a feeling of awe. I feel tired but clear minded. I think I now know what I failed to do throughout my life and what I have to start doing to make my life better. I go to the bathroom outside for one final time and find myself having difficulty taking a pee, even though I feel like I have to go so bad.
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T+ 08:45 (+++); I smoke a spliff, heading for the bus stop to go home. I feel amazing, exhilarated full with fresh knowledge about myself and the universe. I have a great conversation at the bus stop with a couple people familiar with LSD. They tell me I’m pretty good at putting the experience into words so the thought of writing a trip report dawns on me.
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T+ 09:30 (+++); The comfort of the warmth of the bus makes my body feel extremely relaxed. On the way home I spend hours contemplating what I experienced.
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T+ 10:00 (+++); I sit down in the train and start eating my fruits. The raspberries are wonderfully sweet. Every single blueberry tastes so different from the last one. The dried apples pieces are the best thing I have ever tasted while tripping. I forget to get off at the right stop delaying me by half an hour.
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T+ 12:30 (++); I come home and slowly come down further. I start talking to all my closest ones about this intricate experience. I just have to come closer to describing it.
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T+ 18:00 (++); The patterns on my wallpaper still rotate. When listening to Jimi Hendrix the sounds morph a little bit. I think I finally understand the lyrics to “All along the Watchtower” now.
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T+ 20:00 (++); I go lay on the couch still seeing the patterns move back and forth a little bit. I take a couple hits of cannabis for the patterns to live up and rotate a little more. Exhausted I fall asleep.
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T+ 23:00(+); I wake up still after-glowing. The visuals have faded. Upon smoking some cannabis there are no more flashback feelings or visuals. I’m completely fine with the trip being over however wonderful the experience was. Before I lose any information I start vigorously writing this report.
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<br>
March 29th; In retrospect I feel like it was an amazing trip. I would definitely repeat LSD some day. Maybe in lower dosage and definitely without Ketamine. I want to try both of them separately.
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<br>
I fell in love the week before my trip so taking that xtc while already being in such a great mood, made me feel ecstatic. The Ketamine took away the negative side effects from the xtc and later allowed me to distance myself from the panic I was feeling. I wonder which effects were caused by the LSD and which by the Ketamine. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I wonder which effects were caused by the LSD and which by the Ketamine.</div></div> Because I took them together, both for the first time, I have no idea what caused what. I still feel like it was the best moment for me to take LSD for the first time. However I also know mixing a strong drug like xtc with two unfamiliar psychedelics was a bad idea. That could have gone really wrong. Drinking in the afternoon before taking xtc wasn’t the greatest idea either.
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Nevertheless I think it was totally worth it. The experience has profoundly changed me as a person, for the better. I understand myself much better than I did before and I feel like I learned a lot about the fundamental workings of the universe. I have stopped using speed since and feel no need to take it anymore.
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<br>
In comparison to mushrooms: I feel no need to do mushrooms anymore. I guess I learned everything there is for me to learn from mushrooms. Mostly how to handle being in different states and coping with the different thoughts and feelings that you can have throughout a trip. I feel like mushrooms made me ready for 2c-e.
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<br>
In comparison to 2c-e: This trip felt much brighter and much less confusing. Where 2c-e felt like going psychotic and stopped my brain from making sense, LSD made me feel more focused and gave me the feeling I understood everything. 2c-e always made me think all kinds of crazy stuff and at the time these things even made sense to me. I’d like to call 2c-e ‘LSDs crazy psychotic sister’.
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<br>
June 12th; Since my trip I have noticed significant changes in my mindset and behavior. I’m much calmer, more positive and resistant to negativity. I no longer feel awkward around people and I’m usually ready to seize the day. Abstaining from drugs is easier and I actually manage to not smoke cannabis for 24 hours now, up to three times a week. I eat well, even breakfast! I sleep well and regularly, have more energy, visit more friends and started working out for the first time in many years. Out of the last 2 months, I was depressed only for a single day and had a nightmare once.
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I can remember all sort of things that I haven’t thought about in the longest time. Playing songs on guitar without chords actually became a possibility. I seem to understand people much better now. People tell me they feel understood by me and that I add a lot to their life. I try really hard to create positive energy everywhere I go and attempt to help people understand themselves and the world around them better to improve their life in the ways they desire.
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<br>
<!--I hope you enjoyed reading my report!--><!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110629</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 27</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 10, 2018</td><td>Views: 3,218</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110629&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110629&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), LSD (2), Ketamine (31) : Combinations (3), Club / Bar (25)</td></tr>
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</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.25 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">18 st</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I have battled with depression and anxiety disorders for most of my adult life, I have tried all manner of antidepressants and anxiety medication. To no avail. For the purposes of this report, it would also be prudent to mention that I mostly self medicate with illicit drugs. The variety and amounts of which are too lengthy to include here.
<br>
<br>
I have what I consider to be a moderate to above average experience level with the drugs I have used. With the exception of LSD. This drug in particular has always scared me somewhat. I have used DMT on one occasion, and other hallucinogens on several occasions - mushrooms, 2CB, nbomes etc.
<br>
<br>
This report is an account of my first use of LSD. The specific intent was to investigate the benefits (if there are any) of microdosing, in order to help alleviate the symptoms of my depression and anxiety disorders. I read lots of info on this technique, and discovered it quite by accident while researching blotter designs online.
<br>
<br>
After some research, I learned that 10-30µg of LSD is considered to be a low or 'threshold' dose. As I am a rather large chap (18+ st), I decided that the 30µg would be suitable.
<br>
<br>
x7 120µg LSD blotter tabs were obtained from a reliable and reputable source.
<br>
My intention was to cut each tab into 4 equal pieces (30µg each) and take one of the pieces each morning for a week.
<br>
<br>
Day one:
<br>
<br>
8:00am
<br>
I woke up and went through my normal morning routine. A friend had assured me that a dose of just 30µg would probably have some effect on my mindset, but it would not cause any hallucinations. This eased my concerns somewhat as I had planned to undertake this microdosing experiment without anyone's knowledge. I intended to go to work, and do everything I normally would.
<br>
<br>
8:45am
<br>
I put one of the quarter tabs under my tongue. I left it there for 15mins or so until it had gone sort of mushy, then I swallowed it. I then drove to work and arrived about 30mins later.
<br>
<br>
9:45am
<br>
At this point, I started noticing some effects. Hardly perceptible, and very possibly a placebo effect, but nevertheless I felt something. I felt a bit light headed, and the office lights seemed brighter than usual.
<br>
<br>
11:00am
<br>
I go on my break. Lights still seem brighter than usual. But nothing else of any real importance. No mood change or anything like that. Just the slight sensation that a drug was in my system, doing something hardly perceptible.
<br>
<br>
3:00pm
<br>
I finish for the day and drive home. I noticed that the light effect seems to have gone by this point. I feel the same as I would have on any other day. Which for the record, is pretty miserable and frustrated.
<br>
<br>
Day Two:
<br>
<br>
8:45
<br>
I microdose for the 2nd time. At this point it occurs to me that I have no real way of knowing exactly what dosage I am taking <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">it occurs to me that I have no real way of knowing exactly what dosage I am taking</div></div>. The LSD was procured from a reliable source, but I simply have no way to know if the tabs contain the dosage they are purported to contain. I rationalise this by telling myself that if I had taken more than the threshold dosage the day before, I certainly would have known about it an hour or so later.
<br>
<br>
10:00am
<br>
Today is a staff meeting. Which involves weekly reports to the manager, to discuss figures, targets, budget concerns etc. All spoken about in a group setting. This is normally hell for me. This is exactly the kind of thing that makes me anxious. Today however, I feel much more relaxed. No zaps in my chest, or sweaty hands, or anything like that. I did have some trouble organising my thoughts however in preparation for my presentation, something that is not usually a problem. It's very difficult to describe. I felt fuzzy and confused, but at the same time I didn't care. The fluorescent office lights looked bright again today.
<br>
<br>
Day Three:
<br>
<br>
Usually after three days of work, I am ready to reach for my little box of drugs, to maybe skin up, or take a little MDMA to take the edge off. Today though, strangely, I felt no need for this. I took my little 30µg tab again in the morning, and by the time the end of the working day came around, I felt much less stressed than I would at this time in the week.
<br>
<br>
I continued microdosing for a further 4 days.
<br>
<br>
My findings:
<br>
<br>
In the week that I used a threshold dose of LSD every day, I used no other drugs. Which is highly unusual for me. I'm not saying this very short experiment has cured me of my depression and anxiety, far from it. But it has given me food for thought. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I'm not saying this very short experiment has cured me of my depression and anxiety, far from it. But it has given me food for thought.</div></div> It has made me wonder if the LSD was doing anything, or if I wanted it to work so much that I was experiencing nothing more than a strong placebo effect. I definitely experienced some very minor visual changes, lights were definitely brighter. That was not an imagined effect. I did learn however that I could go a full 7 days without turning to other drugs as a way of self medicating.
<br>
<br>
The LSD microdosing experiment gave me hope. Which is something I will hold onto.
<br>
<br>
Was it the LSD itself that made me realise I don't need to use other drugs as a crutch, or was it the fact that I wasn't taking anything else for a whole week that allowed my body to return to some form of normal functionality? Did I just unintentionally give myself a detox under the guise of LSD microdosing?<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108178</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 35</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 23, 2018</td><td>Views: 9,772</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108178&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108178&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Medical Use (47), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This report was written approximately 3 months following the experience. Portions were recorded during the experience and used in this report. The author has experimented with numerous psychedelics and lost count of the number of experiences prior to this one, though estimates the number of LSD experiences to be around 100.
<br>
<br>
The experience which is the subject of this report was preceded by, and is continuous with, another psychedelic experience beginning on a Friday evening.
<br>
<br>
I was living in Thailand, on the hidden bays of an island, in a small community of trippers from all over the world living together in paradise. There are nonstop dance parties every week, and Friday evening was getting ready to kick off. The parties go all night and all morning, so we often just go in the morning. I was really tired this night in particular, but a friend came by the house and shared some cocaine. Suddenly, all us tired folks decided we ought to go to the party.
<br>
<br>
A 5 minute walk later we were there, and very awake, but the cocaine wasn't great and we were a little sober already. I had been meaning to have an LSD trip with the closest friend I made there since I arrived, and hadn't had a good opportunity. So I asked him and he was in. So we dosed about 150μg around midnight and settled in for a fun evening.
<br>
<br>
The trip was fun but not particularly noteworthy, other than the memories it brought back of doing the same thing in the same place years before. But it's important to mention because, of course, we stayed all night and morning until the music stopped at 11am. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">we stayed all night and morning until the music stopped at 11am.</div></div> We went to get some food and chill out, and made it back to his house, where I napped for a couple hours.
<br>
<br>
Now it was Saturday afternoon/evening, and we were relaxing getting ready to Saturday night and musing about the previous nights adventures. I was really tired at this point. But another friend was the first DJ that night, so we headed to the next venue<!--, Eden Garden,--> around 9 to hear his set.
<br>
<br>
This is where the first strange experience happened. I was pretty much exhausted in every way walking there, but arriving I was extremely awake, energetic, ecstatic, and happy. I was completely sober at this point, but so high on life and happy with what I was doing. Our friend was dropping some amazing tracks and I grooved really hard for a couple hours. As our friend finished his set, most of the gang was getting ready to leave and sleep for a few hours before the morning set.
<br>
<br>
But I felt an incredible pull to stay for the evening and experience the memories of staying at the party all night, as I'd done a number of times in years past. So I decided to stay, and took a seat on the couch behind the DJ booth so I could chill out. Despite being both extremely awake, I was also very tired and knew I needed to chill out if I wanted to make it all night.
<br>
<br>
I hung out on the couch for 3 or 4 hours, doing a bit of ketamine here and there, enjoying the music and reflecting on life and how grateful I was to be where I was.
<br>
<br>
Then around 4 am, I'm not sure what triggered it, but I got the idea to take the LSD I had with me. Though I had my own, these tabs had been given to me by a friend and I'd been holding on for the right moment. I took a moment, set my intentions, and took the two tabs which were laid at approximately 250μg each for a total of 500μg.
<br>
<span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note:
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span>
<br>
<br>
The moment the touched my tongue, I felt a burst of energy swell throughout my body and immediately heightened senses. I had never felt these sensations as strongly as I did in this occasion, and I attribute that to already heightened senses from the preceding 24 hours.
<br>
<br>
At this point, I became hyperaware of my own body and all the other bodies around me. About 20 minutes after dosing the LSD, I decided I would finish the rest of my ketamine. There was approximately 150mg left, which I insufflated with straw in a couple small scoops over the next few minutes, and then vacuumed out the bag.
<br>
<br>
As the ketamine began to take effect, the world began closing around me in spectacular fashion. My conscious self began to fade, and there was a period of time which I don't recall. Then, I had a vision.
<br>
<br>
I felt my consciousness leaving my physical body, spiraling upwards through a sea of cosmic wonder, reaching up to a central point. The circular point contained, at least, all human conscious minds, existing in perpetual eternity as the geometric flower of life. That is, I felt a ball of all consciousness, and the ball took the geometric form of infinitely overlapping circles. The sound I heard in this state of being, an eternally droning 'oooooooooommmmmmmmm,' was strangely familiar, as if I was remembering it not only from my earthly experiences but perhaps before my human brain could remember.
<br>
<br>
In this state of being, I felt a profound sense of calm, peace, and contentment. To be frank, it felt indescribably amazing. The feeling of 'oneness' was better than any feeling I'd ever felt in any human experience.
<br>
<br>
After an indeterminate amount of time, I felt my mind, taking the appearance of a sort of mask, leaving the point and spiraling downward <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">After an indeterminate amount of time, I felt my mind, taking the appearance of a sort of mask, leaving the point and spiraling downward</div></div> until I returned to my body and opened my eyes for the first time.
<br>
<br>
I immediately scrambled to pull out my phone and email to myself a number of the realizations that occurred to me in the detached state of being. Among the realizations, the most important was that we are all becoming one again. This thought came to me without effort. As I bathed in the bliss of the state of oneness, I realized that this feeling was better than any that could please our egos, and that we were all destined to feel the feeling of oneness for eternity. From this, I was able to let go of any worry I held about the the outcomes of reality in the physical realm, and trust that everything was going to be okay no matter what happens.
<br>
<br>
Among the other items I emailed to myself:
<br>
'There is a God, and We are All It.'
<br>
'God is Connection. Connection is God.'
<br>
<br>
By the time the ketamine had subsided, the LSD had fulled kicked in. But instead of seeing spectacular visuals and the crazy experience one might expect from the dosage I'd taken, all I was seeing was a vivid reality and a natural flow to all the physical objects around me. Everything had glowing aura, and I was seeing people eyes in completely different way. In everyone else's eyes, I could see a glowing pinpoint, the same point that I seemed to have experienced with my mind. Nothing was swirling, nothing was waving, nothing was bending; my vision wasn't tripping out. I was just seeing reality for what it was.
<br>
<br>
This experience catalyzed a number of other realizations, about myself and about the nature of reality. I will conclude the trip report without delving deeper into those areas. But I will say that there was no way I was sleeping at this point. It was a magical sunrise and my friends slowly joined in the dance party as my favorite DJ played from sunrise to the end. We left to get some good, and I got apple pie with chocolate ice cream and a strawberry smoothie, which were absurdly good.
<br>
<br>
I was still awake and managed my way to the final party of the weekend, Sunday day party on the beach. By this point the LSD had mostly worn off, but my vision remained. There was a natural flow to everything, and I was seeing it all unfold in front of me. The interactions I was having with complete strangers were mind boggling, everyone was on the same vibe, and the vibe was amazing. Nobody was there who wasn't supposed to be, and nobody was acting out of turn. Everyone made eye contact for the duration of conversations, and there was an incredible energy in the air. Everyone understood the same things, and everyone was connected.
<br>
<br>
I will be forever in search of these 'high vibes'. Times and places where humans are living to their fullest, and everybody is following the flow. I believe the more it happens, the more we are getting closer to uniting our individual minds. For the rest of my life, I seek not to live life by anyone else's definition of success. 'Success' as defined by this world, serves only our egos and the egos of those we know. My mission is now to contribute to conscious awakening to the true nature of reality. Nothing else matters, and my life is has no meaning to me unless I am working toward the Truth that I have been made aware of.
<br>
<br>
Various quotes by Erwin Schrödinger:
<br>
'Although I think that life may be the result of an accident, I do not think that of consciousness. Consciousness cannot be accounted for in physical terms. For consciousness is absolutely fundamental. It cannot be accounted for in terms of anything else.'
<br>
<br>
'The plurality that we perceive is only an appearance; it is not real.'
<br>
<br>
'There are two way out of the number paradox, both appearing rather lunatic from the point of view of present scientific thought (based on ancient Greek thought and thus thoroughly “Western”). One way out is the multiplication of the world in Leibnitz’s fearful doctrine of monads: every monad to be a world by itself, no communication between them.
<br>
<br>
There is obviously only one alternative, namely the unification of minds or consciousnesses. Their multiplicity is only apparent, in truth, there is only one mind.'<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111937</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 25</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 24, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,237</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111937&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111937&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Ketamine (31), Sleep Deprivation (140) : Glowing Experiences (4), Multi-Day Experience (13), Combinations (3), Club / Bar (25)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">83 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I had read a lot about acid trips on beforehand, at least I wrongly thought so. I just recently had discovered MDMA, and it had been a great experience. Now I wanted to go a step further.
<br>
<br>
My girlfriend and I had spent the afternoon with my family on a family meetup and left in the evening to join our partners in crime. We met in the house of a childhood friend of mine, in the outskirts of a big city. We were: My girlfriend and I, my childhood friend and three further couples. One of them would not take anything and watch over our trip, as well as watch over a baby sleeping in the same building, using a laptop and Skype.
<br>
<br>
I didn't feel very comfortable in my friend's living room as it was full of things and lighted really brightly. I had read that messy surroundings could be really overwhelming when tripping. The lights were turned off and replaced by candles, which improved things a lot.
<br>
<br>
I told Vee, our experienced trip instructor, that I'd be up for 2 hits, and that I didn't want to combine the trip with MDMA, as I wanted to experience the real thing. Both tips that I had read online. Vee told me that was a bad idea and gave me only one. She also said it would take maybe an hour and a half for me as a first-timer to notice any effects, longer than for the others. I was sure that I wasn't going to have a bad trip as I am an emotionally stable person. Also my girlfriend had some LSD experience already, all only positive.
<br>
<br>
My girlfriend was the first to feel it, about 20 minutes in. Vee said that wasn't possible, it would take longer. Shortly afterwards she felt it, too, and so did I. Things started really nicely, my perception changed. Patterns started to move, things seemed to breath. It was fun to watch myself in the mirror. I saw my girlfriend morphing into herself at the age of 17 (as I knew her from pictures) and then even younger, at around age 13. Incredible. The birds on my t-shirt were dancing.
<br>
<br>
My girlfriend and I moved upstairs, into a dark and empty room with a balcony overlooking the garden, where the others had lit a campfire. Everything was weird, new and exciting. My perception was tilted in unexpected ways. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Everything was weird, new and exciting. My perception was tilted in unexpected ways.</div></div> I was able to *see* the smell from the fire on the balcony and the smell of the wooden floor inside. I could *touch* that smell. The blinking light from a charger seemed to talk to us. I had read about focus problems during the peak of the trip and focus problems I had. I couldn't keep a thought for longer than a second. So this was the peak of the trip, I assumed.
<br>
<br>
Our tripsitter visited us to ask if everything was ok. My girlfriend told him she wanted to take MDMA. He said, he would 'pass on her request'. I imagined what impression we must give to a sober person and told her I was sure we were not being taken seriously.
<br>
<br>
We walked into the bathroom and found a universe of its own. Everything was moving and had strange forms. The floor seemed to be wet and dry at the same time. Really weird. Then we went downstairs again. The atmosphere had changed. The living room was dark and in it sat a group of completely black figures, laughing a little when we arrived. We went into the garden and sat down at the fire.
<br>
<br>
I was increasingly confused and tried to make sense of the state I was in, and trying to find out if the others were in the same state. What they said didn't make much sense to me. They laughed and discussed the option of taking another hit. That confused me even more, as I was feeling mine very strongly. I looked around and noticed we were sitting close to the fence. I imagined what some neighbors or passers-by would think if they could hear our drug talk. They could certainly hear that. The others just laughed at my thought. What if they called the police? A car passed. I thought I saw somebody hiding behind the fence.
<br>
<br>
What freaked me out was that the others started using the exact same sentences over and over again. Maybe somebody was pulling my leg here. I felt bad and touched my girlfriend's leg, as I assumed she must feel bad, too. She didn't seem to.
<br>
<br>
I went inside again. The figures sitting on the sofa looked scary, with big, black eyes. I went to the toilet. There things started to get crazy. The room was turning upside down, the dead fly on the floor was the size of a rat, tiles started to move towards me and back.
<br>
<br>
I tried to figure out what had happened. This clearly had nothing to do with anything I had read online about LSD trips. I remembered stories of people enjoying the beauty of nature, stories of sex on LSD. This was something entirely different. Suddenly a strong diarrhea kicked in. I heard laughter outside while I shat.
<br>
<br>
Back in the living room everything had somehow changed. The house and the room had stopped existing, it was more like a black hole. What people said made no sense to me. Their eyes were huge, covering half of their faces. One face consisted just of eyes and teeth, and grinned demonically at me. Some phrases were used again and again. My childhood friend came inside and looked like a frog. He laughed loudly, opened his mouth and issued a gigantic burp. People were talking about MDMA. My girlfriend looked scary, like a maniac drug addict with huge eyes. I tried not to look into anybody's face anymore. I was scared to death. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I tried not to look into anybody's face anymore. I was scared to death.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
Something clearly was going wrong here. Our tripsitter said incredibly strange things and stuck some herbs under my nose. Two big eyes in his face were staring at me at close distance, one some centimeters higher in his face than the other. He was clearly on drugs, too.
<br>
<br>
The laptop with the Skype babyphone made a noise. Somebody made a joke about it. The laptop became the center of my universe, with everything around collapsing. How can somebody be so irresponsible? We were on a gigantic drug party, having taken God knows what, with a baby in the middle!
<br>
<br>
Everything was going downhill from now on. My thoughts centered around the baby my girlfriend and I were planning to have and my parents who I had seen just some hours ago. Now everything seemed to end in a drug hell with no escape. I was terrified. 'Irresponsible!' - the word popped into my head a dozen times. I considered how I could save everybody from this collapsing world. How I could save my girlfriend.
<br>
<br>
People around me were laughing. I went to the toilet again. I shat and then suddenly threw up. Everything I had eaten and drunk landed in the toilet in front of me. Then I fled to the garden. I felt the wet grass under my feet and looked at the trees. I remembered trip stories praising nature on LSD and understood. Nature gave me some comfort. The voices around me terrified me. The same sentences again and again. Some evil things to my ears. Sometimes somebody would come and hug me. I enjoyed the touch but avoided to look into their devilish faces. Every word they said was wrong. A woman came and touched me and said in an ice-cold voice: 'I don't care about you at all, you're nothing.'
<br>
<br>
I started to think that maybe I was hallucinating, that all the mean things they said came out of my head. I tried to ignore the voices but I couldn't. I noticed that my girlfriend was hugging me. I don't know for how long already. I felt the cold, wet grass and laid down. Many hands were on my back, this felt good. I started to vomit again, into the grass. My stomach emptied and I continued to vomit air and spit. I stood up and noticed that the garden door was open. This terrified me even more. The fence looked smaller than before, the outside world dark and scary.
<br>
<br>
I fled inside, on the sofa. There I tried to think what to do to prevent the worst. I decided that not doing anything and not going anywhere was the only way. I laid down and looked outside of the window, to the sky. I stayed like that for hours, trying to ignore the evil voices and faces around me. My girlfriend's hands on my body gave me some comfort but I was scared like never before in my life. She stayed with me for hours. Somebody suggested to go for a walk. This sounded like a big menace to me.
<br>
<br>
After sunrise Gor's and Vee's voices around me suddenly changed in tone, sounded human again. I said 'Maybe this was really you who said that'. 'That was me' said Gor and I believed him. The horror trip seemed to have ended, the voices were not coming out of my head anymore. The faces still looked scary, with huge eyes, but things had improved. I slowly realized that my universe had not ended but I had simply had a bad trip. And the trip was ending.
<br>
<br>
My girlfriend - who thanks to me had had a hard night, too - and I took a taxi home. The picture on the taxi driver's ID moved and grinned at me, and at home all things looked really different. My girlfriend still had big eyes. Only after some hours of sleep everything looked normal again, and the terror in my bones had left me.
<br>
<br>
I am still trying to figure out what went wrong and what this night tells me about me, my urge to control things, my judgemental side and my thing with 'responsibility'.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 103867</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 39</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 28, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,706</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=103867&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=103867&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">170 lb</td>
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<!-- Start Body -->
I had a Tramatic Brain Injury in 2015 where I passed out standing up and cracked my skull on concrete. My brain injury affected many things in the day to day processing of a brain. A big one was hearing. It was extremely difficult for me to process language especially in noisy spaces. At first all music sounded out of tune, and high pitched noises would almost be painful even at low levels. After three years I was still struggling with being able to have conversation in loud spaces, enjoy listening to music, and really just feel at ease around social environments. Another big one was the depression that came with the TBI and would swing in pretty heavy with a lot of suicidal thoughts and hopelessness.
<br>
<br>
2 and a half years after the injury, I experimented with microdose (30 micrograms) of LSD while camping with friends and I felt that it awakened my brain in some ways hard for me to describe.
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<br>
6 months later I took a dose of 125 micrograms by myself at home around 6pm. The experience was amazing. About 2 hours after the dose, I started seeing patterns in the wood flooring and then saw an entire scene and tried drawing it to remember it. I then continued drawing as if I had to. It felt very emotional to me to be drawing and a few dark images came out that somehow connected to emotion I was still working through from my head injury and maybe more. I experienced color like I never imagined possible. I looked in a mirror and saw myself for who I really am more clearly that ever before and more at peace with myself than ever before. 4 hours after dose I felt elated and kept painting and drawing and playing music. I stayed up for 12 hours after the dose.
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<br>
After this experience, I now have more mental stamina than I need, I can process speech in loud environments better than ever, and my depression doesn't seem to be anything that would resurface. I have been microdosing 40 or 80 micrograms once a month since, and it has taken my quality of life from challenging, confusing, and frustrated to one of pleasure, understanding and peace.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110850</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 33</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 30, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,236</td></tr>
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Glowing Experiences (4), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Not Applicable (38)</td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(edible / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cart.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cart.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td>
</tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
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</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Background: Prior to this experience I had been with Betty-Sue and known Joe and Sarah (another couple) several months. We had taken E a few times together and shrooms twice, but I never had a good (or strong) trip before this. I had read a lot on psychedelics in general, and was most impressed by Stanislav Grof's writings at the time.
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<br>
T-7:00/ 10:00 AM- Shortly after waking up, I find out from Joe we're taking acid today. How exciting! I'm nervous, so I read, my book at this time being Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon. Lots of interesting, trippy themes.
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<br>
T-0:00/ 5:00 PM- Out comes the acid, and we dose. We all (Joe and Sarah, Betty-Sue and I) get a sugar cube with a strong hit on it, and Joe and Sarah each take an additional tab of blotter. Joe and Sarah leave to get some marijuana, and Betty and
<br>
I sit around reading with some music on. I feel antsy but manage to focus my attention on my reading and just about forget the strange, strange chemical I just ingested.
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<br>
T+1:00 - I get up to go to the bathroom and by the time I get there I am feeling a little trippy. The night light in the bathroom is moving away from the wall and back. My reading back at the couch is a touch slower than normal, but my comprehension feels improved somehow. I feel serene.
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<br>
T+1:30 - Joe and Sarah burst into the apartment in a wave of excitement, bearing nitrous oxide chargers and some fine quality marijuana. They love them some acid, and the feeling is contagious. I am definitely enjoying myself, and feel ++ after partaking in a bowl and a whipit. As I come down from the nitrous, I remark that I feel like Moses. Before long, my first negative thought creeps in- that we, as humans, experience only an infinitesimally small spectrum of the universe. I recognize the negativity building and with minimal effort steer myself to cheerier subjects, something I could never do on mushrooms. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I recognize the negativity building and with minimal effort steer myself to cheerier subjects, something I could never do on mushrooms.</div></div> The visuals are subtle and geometric- simple pattern seeking and tessellation on the walls, and everything breathes a little bit. I am not wearing my contacts and cannot see very far with any precision. I feel a definite sense of buddhist detachment, also unlike my previous experiences with mushrooms. I also happen to feel very close to Betty. Any timestamp after this point is my best guess.
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<br>
T+2:30 - The apartment is beginning to get too intense, so we head out to the nearby park. My depth perception is off, and manhole covers seem to rise two feet out of the ground. The grass is made of spinning fractals, and I see the neighborhood we are walking through as a personality, though my head is remarkably clear.
<br>
<br>
T+2:45 - As we cross the last street to the park, the acid shifts to the next higher gear. Walking anywhere seems to take an interminable amount of time as we circle the park, which seems to be bigger than normal, not to mention more beautiful. The water tower is painted with giant brown spots in such a way that it looks like it is pushing up out of the earth, its skin being stretched out from the ground. We all lay out under a tree in what I imagine is typical hippie fashion. Betty and I lay straight on the ground. There are burrs and ants, but I don't really mind. Visuals are beginning to overcome my sight, and the fractal branches of the tree above me are whirling. I have some closed eye visuals, but they seem to lack any real meaning or importance so I dismiss them.
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<br>
T+3:00 - 'The question is one of identity.' And so it begins. I turn my attention inwards, through senses that stretch all the way through infinity and back. I let the tessellated spirals of tree above me, Betty's weight on me, and the various tactile sensations of the grass wash over me in a detached way. Utter calm and lysergic bliss. So this is what it is.
<br>
<br>
T+3:30 - The sun is setting, and the MEANING is starting to set in as well. Random words and sentence fragments from the sparse conversation are the capstones to immense and significant arcs of thought that I pursue one by one. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Random words and sentence fragments from the sparse conversation are the capstones to immense and significant arcs of thought that I pursue one by one.</div></div> Betty points out the setting sun. 'Can't you see it?' The sun is the genesis of truth and beauty, and I feel silly for not seeing it before. Betty has a golden glow over her skin, and her face is clear and perfect, though it is hard to see clearly. I think she has two mouths, and I say so, immediately realizing my double entendre (sexual overtones) as everyone laughs. At this point I begin to become aware of the infinite recursion of thoughts, feelings and emotions. Any thought can exist on its own, stretching off into an infinite meaning. Eyes Open and Eyes Closed are pretty much the same now. Around this time, I become the archetypical man, Betty the archetypical woman. In this Garden of Eden space or non-space we have, we exist in a perfect fullness of love. I hear Joe remark of my condition, 'It's like a child learning to run' or something similar. I had forgotten about our friends! They must be a part of this understanding too! My perception of this state widens a notch, as the concept undergoes another recursion. Human = Us = Love = I =???
<br>
<br>
Betty is now asking me the most important question: Am I (we) god? I cannot bear to hold the concept, and shy away from answering. Each time I stand on the threshold of the thought, I back away, and she asks if I love her. I do, and we merge in infinite bliss as we kiss. This happens a few times. I hear a gasp after some time, and it becomes a tremendous release from an emotional barrier. It was Sarah who gasped. 'I just did a WHIPIT' she exclaims. It had been ~2 hours since any of us had so much as seen a whipit. How odd! Shortly thereafter, we all find the ability to stand and move around.
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<br>
T+4:30 - Back at the apartment, Betty wants to discuss something heavy with me, but we are unable to get some time alone. In the bathroom she waits for me to finish so she can go, and I apologize for taking so long, and she accepts. Immediately after this exchange I realize that she vocalized the apology and I voiced the acceptance! How exceedingly peculiar! We take more whipits and smoke more cannabis, as I contemplate the Question. I cannot bear to let go of my 22 years. It cannot have been an illusion! The Question then becomes a plea to leave the apartment, and we decide to do so in the middle of a whipit. We burst out, laughing and screaming, wielding a bubble wand and hastily applying shoes, running down the stairs and slamming the door. We walk around the university campus, blowing bubbles and being a little confused.
<br>
<br>
T+5:30 - The question of godhood is beginning to lose its meaning and grip over my ego. I drink a little of a pina colada from the corner store, and its taste is perfect communication of pure experience and a flashback to the peak. Communication binds us as one entity!
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<br>
T+ 6:30 - We are coming down at the apartment. Lounging, smoking, eating very cheap tex-mex food. Remembering and remarking, wandering around aimlessly, trying to read.
<br>
<br>
T+12:00 - Finally, I drift off to sleep on our poor, deflating air mattress.
<br>
<br>
Overall impressions: Acid is awesome. Love, peace, unity. I feel a greater experiential understanding of consciousness in the Buddhist sense.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 72237</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 8, 2018</td><td>Views: 1,693</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=72237&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=72237&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/clonazepam/">Pharms - Clonazepam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/clonazepam/">Pharms - Clonazepam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
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<!-- Start Body -->
Preface: I am normally a pretty grounded person and perhaps that’s what caused me to hold back from letting the effects sink in. I wanted to trip because I really missed the nostalgia of the headspace and visuals I get when on a psychedelic. I went in with goals of feeling more in tune with my own families and psyche. I was with two friends, we will call them Ned and Arnold. Me and Arnold are friends since primary school so I decided to trip with him, as we had not yet done so together. We go to Ned’s place and play some PS3 until we decide to drop.
<br>
<br>
The Drop: We take the tabs, mine was 155mcg with perforated edges, Arnold’s was 100mcg with clean cut edges. My friend asked how we were on psychedelics, and I joking said I get a little psychotic- if only I had known. We play one more match on the ps3 and go downstairs. We go in this recreation room with this semi-finished puzzle on a table.
<br>
<br>
The Come Up: There’s this giddiness that builds up as I’m sitting in the rec room, and Arnold notes the same thing, I also notice this painting on the wall looks sort of popping out like a 3D screen. After we begin to feel more and more giddy we decide to go outside to the beach and walk around. At this point, the visuals are coming on stronger and it makes the sand look like the grains are dancing in a harmony along with the wind. We walk over to this storm drain, and mind that it was a cloudy dark day and as a matter a fact about to rain, so looking at the nasty polluted-looking storm drain kind of set me off in a bad headspace about where mother nature was headed. I definitely think the shitty weather and the fact that we were in a rather urban area of the beachside, had already set me off in a negative headspace. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I definitely think the shitty weather and the fact that we were in a rather urban area of the beachside, had already set me off in a negative headspace.</div></div> This was particularly frustrating because as any tripper knows, indoors is not a very comfortable environment to be in during a psychedelic experience.
<br>
<br>
The Peak: We are still chilling at the storm drain, but at this point Ned and Arnold are conversing and I was finding it harder and harder to keep track of the conversation and stay coherent. I would start laughing about random thoughts flying through my head and I being a flat out stoner thought of a brilliant idea: to smoke some weed now that I’m at the peak. In hindsight it was a good thing I mentioned that because we had to go back to my car to pick up the bud, and in the middle of the way back, huge gusts of wind were hitting us and we saw a heavy rainstorm approaching land from the sea shore, so we hightail it back to Ned’s and go back to smoke.
<br>
<br>
We smoke in this dark ass room with a fan to blow smoke out of, and there was this other compartment at the edge of the room that was dark and everything there seemed to be moving, and same with the ground and the different patterns on the ground. I remember taking only one out of a one hitter, I mostly gave some to Ned as a favor for him trip sitting us. What scared the hell out of me was that I felt this presence and out of the corner of my eye, in that compartment in the corner of the room, I saw the figure of a person, very vague, but he had blue pants a red shirt and seemed to be like porcelain white. I didn’t say anything about it and brushed it off. After a while we decide to go back upstairs and play some Fortnite. At this point I was going deep into introspect, I mean just lost in the sauce. And I was thinking jeez it’s so hard to think or even do anything for that matter. Then I don’t know if they were really saying it coincidentally, or if I was going delusional at that point, but it felt like my friends were saying exactly what I was thinking. And it didn’t help that Ned was on the phone with our friend Matt who was talking about someone else and saying how all they do was nothing with their lives and the least they could ever do was pick up the phone. For some reason I felt like Matt was talking about me and how all I could do was nothing but lay catatonically while Ned and Arnold play fortnite.
<br>
<br>
The Freakout (Mid Trip): At this point, I don’t know what happened fully, but I think I began to be scared that since they were saying exactly what I was thinking that life must just be some sort of illusion and for that reason none of my actions mattered. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I began to be scared that since they were saying exactly what I was thinking that life must just be some sort of illusion and for that reason none of my actions mattered.</div></div> I would have these thought loops that what’s stopping me from doing nothing and everything at the same time, and just really paradoxical thinking. I was also really scared that life was just an illusion that concocted with its own history serving as an illusory backstory to keep me fooled and that my friends were my watchers and were like oh shit he knows <!--he’s--> none of this is real, we’re gonna have to put him down. In reality they were like oh shit he’s tripping hard and he’s freaking out, and they tried to put some benzos in this bottled water so I can calm down. So when they gave me the water, I don’t know what I was thinking, I was convinced my friends were just illusions that my mind created as a coping mechanism for being the only sentient thing in the universe. I mean really deep delusional shit. I grabbed the water bottle and let all of the water spill out, which my friends were hoping I wouldn’t do because that water had 2mg of klonopin dissolved in it to calm me down. They kept telling me to take a benzo to calm me down. I was thinking since the illusion <!--of--> is broken the damn benzos [don't] work on me anymore lol. In a way the whole illusion theory I had made me come to the conclusion that I was some sort of god, but I was scared of this and I rejected the idea, I felt like it would be a lonely principle to be a god. Because I would be the only one of my kind and would fear that my creations and companions would not have the same level of consciousness and sentience as myself.
<br>
<br>
Also at this point I was scared because I felt like I was gonna be punished for breaking the illusion and felt like I was gonna be transported into another body, another life, another illusion I wouldn’t be aware of. Apparently I kept saying “what? No way!” I think that was me reacting to these delusions telling me that I was god, and what didn’t help was Ned twitching his foot because it made me feel like I was going even crazier, like I felt like Ned twitching his foot was the illusion of reality glitching out due to me being aware it was all an illusion. I continued to go through this thought loop that I was god, and I was just so tired of it. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I continued to go through this thought loop that I was god, and I was just so tired of it.</div></div> By the time Arnold had convinced me to finally take a benzo, my other friend Andre arrived, and that helped calm me down too. By that point I was calmed down by the benzo but still convinced that I was god and I created everything and I was just talking about how impressed I was at how I got everything down to the particle. Apparently I went on a lot about fractals, Niel Degrasse Tyson and quantum particles. My friend Andre, just going along with it at that point joked around saying “I’m glad you got it down to the particle,” and “some would say you’re a rocket scientist.” And that really made it feel like they were also aware that reality was just my own concoction. So despite the benzos calming me down, I still had this “I’m god” headspace about me for another hour. After a while I go upstairs and take another benzo and call my mom, because during that experience I was worried I’d never see my family again.
<br>
<br>
The Comedown and After Thoughts: After an hour or so, the 4mg of klonopin really killed the psychedelic headspace and I asked my friend if he could do me the favor of driving me home. At that point I just wanted to be with my family and call it a day. By this point also I was back in tune with everything and was glad and humbled that I wasn’t a god. Because that would be a hard and lonely job. I was glad that I wasn’t just in a world that was a figment of my imagination because I learned that would also be lonely as fuck, and I think that’s why during the trip I was grabbing at my friends hoping that their reactions were real and genuine.
<br>
<br>
I am glad for one thought, and that’s how much I care about my family. Because that experience made me really miss them a lot and want to reconnect with all of them, because I feared that I would never see them again. I’m glad I went through this experience despite how challenging it was, because it both humbled me and renewed my appreciation for the ones I love. Perhaps it was the scariest trip I’ve had, but it may also be the most enlightening.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111973</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 9, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,205</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111973&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111973&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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