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SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Am I [19m] wrong to lie by omission about my past?
POST: So jumping into this quickly I have a decent history of anti-social behavior that ranges from minor to pretty severe.
This girl[20F] I have been talking to for some time now while got upset when she found out about some of these things, saying that it really changed how she saw me.
Almost everyone in my life at this point doesn't know about any of this in detail besides my therapist and even then I haven't been completely honest with him.
So my question is am I wrong to lie about my history in order to avoid people getting the wrong idea about me?
TL;DR: | Lie about my history of anti-social behavior so that friends/relationships don't think I'm a terrible person. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [19F] My overbearing mother has issues with me sleeping at my bf's [18M]
POST: I hope this is the right place for this.
I go to college about a mile away from my boyfriend, who goes to a nearby college. I live in the dorms on my campus and he lives in his own apartment nearby. I usually sleep over 1 or 2 nights a week when I'm at school.
We are both from the city we are going to school in, and I am home for the holidays at my parent's house. My mother will not allow me to sleep over at his place, which I wanted to do because he will be out of town for the next 2 weeks, missing my birthday and christmas.
I made straight a's this quarter and have never been in any trouble. I'm very responsible and am hurt that she won't allow me to spend the night with my boyfriend, who I trust and like very much. Whenever I try to bring the issue up she gets even more upset with me and tells me to stop talking to her.
She doesn't know I sleep over often when school is in session...and I guess I shouldn't tell her either. I just wish she could trust me and my bf. Is there any way around this?
We have been together for a couple months now.
TL;DR: | Mother won't allow me to spend the night at bf's apartment, want to show her it's not a big deal. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend [16] broke up with me two weeks ago, and now I'm [17m] getting mixed signals from her best friend [16f].
POST: Ok, long story. Please don't disregard just because I'm in high school.
So, back in August of 2011, I had a a conflict between these two girls. I told the best friend (we'll call her Anna) that I liked her, but she said she didn't really like me in a relationship kind of way. Shortly after, things happened between me and not-yet-girlfriend (we'll call her Betty) and we bagan dating. This continued until about two weeks ago, when she broke up with me because she "just didn't love me anymore."
During my relationship, I occasionally had feelings for Anna but I repressed them because I wanted to be loyal to Betty. After Betty and I broke up, after the initial sadness, those feelings for Anna came rushing back. As soon as two days after the break up, she started flirting with me.
Flash forward to tonight, when I was with my main group of friends: 4 other guys and 3 girls (including Anna and Betty). Betty has to leave early, and once she leaves, Anna all of the sudden sits down next to me and gets real close. By the end of the night, she's resting her head on my shoulder.
First of all, I don't even know if Anna's interested in me, but I imagine that she is. If she is, I don't know how to handle this. Anna and Betty are best friends. So r/relationships, what do I do about this situation now? Am I overreacting?
TL;DR: | My ex-girlfriend's best friend and I might have feelings for each other and I don't know what to do about it, might be overreacting. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU I Went Out Of My Way To Waste Time And Money.
POST: This just happened, and I had to compose myself before I could draft up this post.
I work for a distributor that prides itself on our level of customer service. I received a message from a customer. They gave us the wrong address to ship an order to. I saw that the package was still intransit to the wrong address, so I knew that I would be able to have the carrier intercept the package, but I had to act quickly.
So, I contacted the carrier. I give the carrier the tracking number, and the new correct address. The carrier says that it will cost $36 to reroute the package. That is fine, I tell them. The customer really needs the parts.
Okey doke. The change is made. I send a message back to the customer that we were able to reroute the package. This whole transaction took about a half hour to complete. I sit back for a moment and revel in my skills.
But. Then. Wait. Hold on. Did I have to go through all of that?
I check the value of the order. The total value of the order is only $5. And the part on the order is a part that we have thousands in stock. For that low value, I could simply and literally have just shipped the order all over again to the correct location, for free, and just told the customer to forget about the original order. It would have cost a lot less, and only taken 2 minutes to do.
To add more dismay, when I saw the new adjusted expected delivery date to the new corrected address, the customer would have gotten the parts sooner by a couple days if I had just entered a new order for them, instead of needlessly traversing the gauntlet that I decided to subject myself and my company to in modifying the already intransit order.
TL;DR: | If I had actually taken the easy way out, it would have been better in all facets of the issue. Ugh. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I cheated, but I'm hellbent on getting his trust back. Is there anything I can do to save the relationship?
POST: I'm 16, he's 17. we've been dating for over 9 months
My boyfriend and I happen to be a couple of pretty mature beings. Last night however, I was extremely immature. All this month I have been extremely stressed over pressure from my sports, home, and school marks; he had been just brushing me off and not really helping me deal.
I went to a party last night (without my boyfriend) and let go. Nothing went through my mind at all, so when one of my friends kissed me, I didn't even react. I just let it happen, and felt disgusting afterwards. I told my boyfriend today what happened, and he's devastated.
I'm losing my mind trying to get him to understand that I'm sorry and that I want to work through it, but I need help. Is there a way to prove my loyalty to him at all? I'll hear anything at this point.
TL;DR: | kissed another guy at a party, boyfriend is in hysterics and so am I. Is there something more I can do to make the situation better? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: A start up company wants me to send work in for evaluation.
POST: Hey Reddit. I have been trying to find a job for awhile in the gaming industry and living in NY is tough for this need. I finally got a nibble and i went in for an interview. Towards the end i was asked to send one of my projects in so they can evaluate my code to see if i am any good. During the interview i was asked several questions and answered them all with no problem. I even showed some of my code and the interviewer agreed that it was quite difficult to code. So what i am wondering is should i send in one of my projects with my code and assets for evaluation or is this a scam?
TL;DR: | Company wants my project to evaluate my coding skills when i showed some of it already. Is this a scam or should i move forward with this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Help me [19m] understand how she's [18f] feeling..
POST: Hey /r/relationship_advice.
My and my girlfriend have been going out for 2 years. Everything is great, we love each other and we get along amazing. No problems within our relationship except one thing that happened around a year ago.
Let me just say that my girlfriend doesn't want a kid until she's in her early 20s, she always tells me this is a bad time for a kid and she doesn't want one right now. Well, like I said, around a year ago, she told me she had a miscarriage. I felt freaked out because we never even know she was pregnant, while she was also shocked and very upset. She wouldn't stop crying at the time. I held her at the time and just let her cry on my shoulder during this period. Around this time she asked me if I was upset about the miscarriage and to be honest, so I told her I was upset she had to go through the miscarriage, however I'm also relived I'm not having a kid (she told me she would never have an abortion). I know this was probably a mistake, she was angry and upset at that time with me and kept asking why but I was just confused. I thought she told me she doesn't want a kid?
Up until this point, occasionally she mentions the miscarriage and how we could have a baby right now. She gets upset. I don't understand this. She always tells me how she doesn't want a kid, then she brings this up and wants to talk about it. I don't know what to say at all.
Should I feel bad for feeling relived I don't have a kid right now? When she brings these feelings up, what should I do?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend had miscarriage, always tells me she doesn't want a kid right now or soon, gets upset sometimes thinking about the kid. How can I understand? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: New Relationship, Need Help With Where its Heading
POST: Hi r/relationships, I've came out from lurking to make an account specifically for this issue.
I've (20M) recently met a great girl (20 as well), and we've seemed to hit things off. Our personalities click, as far as I can tell, and we are now dating after going out for with a group of mutual friends, and discovering we have feelings for each other. Things got fairly physical that night, and I could not have been happier the way things turned out.
Sounds great right? The problem is we only have a limited amount of time together, I have to move back home across the country in a few months, and visiting would be difficult, we'd probably only see each other a couple times a year, as I am going into a new college program.
Because of this, I am hesitant to get too involved with this girl, despite what could be. I can't help but think ahead to the difficulties of a long distance relationship, of which I have no experience.
Adding to my problems, I'm not the type of person to move quickly in a relationship. I'm quite reserved and awkward at first. I in theory would like things to get physical quickly, but don't know how to take that step, and don't know if she would be into that. It's also been about 2 years since being intimate with anyone, so I guess inexperience is another of my worries.
Enough rambling, I guess I'm just looking for advice on how I should play this. Is it as simple as sitting down and asking her what she wants out of this relationship. How do I open up a conversation such as that without being too forward? I know I'm not the best at communication in that sense, and I get the feeling she isn't as well.
Sorry for the scatter-brained post, it's late, and I am thinking too much. If anyone has any thoughts, or experience in such a situation, it would be appreciated. Thanks for any help.
TL;DR: | Met a new girl, kissed her after learning we have feelings for each other, now dating, but am hesitant to move things forward due to only having 3 months before moving 8 hours across the country. Would like thoughts/advice |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] confused about [18 F]
POST: So, i was out on a night out and found myself talking to this girl who has recently came out of a 4 year relationship. We hit it off and i got her number. I then went on a walk with her and watched a film, it was a really good day. But just after new year she text me saying that its all moving too quick and she wants to leave it. Im guessing shes not over her ex and i dont mind that atall. Also has anyone been in the same situation that could tell me what happened to them.
TL;DR: | What should i do? Carry on trying to speak to her or just give her time and hope for the best. I could see a good future with us 2. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M] with my girlfriend [25 F] 5 months; has negativity/throws temper tantrums
POST: My girlfriend is a kindergarten teacher. She is also getting her Master's degree in teaching. I am getting burned out, because a.) Sometimes she can be negative and b.) She throws temper tantrums.
For example, for a.), she enthuiastically wanted to go to the gym with me, but once we got to the gym, she did not want to try any of the workouts I recommended, instantly rejecting any idea I threw out. Eventually, she opened up, and we played basketball together, which she really enjoyed. The problem is, before that, I felt like I was struggling with her the entire time.
As an example for b.), Sometimes she asks me to help her with homework. On two occasions, I have just started to help her with an assignment, only for her to explode and start yelling that "I'm wrong". Both times, I ended up being right about what to do, but that's besides the point. I don't like being talked to like that, and it's worse because she is the one asking me for help to begin with. This also wastes a lot of my time, because she ends up refusing to talk to me all day after I lose my patience and tell her I don't want to help her when she acts that way.
I should also mention, my girlfriend will usually eventually apologize after acting like this, but it's getting more-and-more frequent.
I do not want to break up with her (this is absolutely last resort). I really just wish there wasn't anger outbursts/frequent negativity. I feel like this is something she has learned and working with kids that have outbursts probably doesn't help. Also, there could be deeper issues, as my girlfriend told me her mom used to frequently beat her as a kid when she made mistakes (seems like she came from an angry household, or at least an abusive one), and she is an only-child (I know this is not an excuse, but laying everything on the table). Sometimes, I think she doesn't realize when she is going overboard.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend can have a short temper, and I'm not exactly sure what to do other than break-up or suggesting therapy, which she probably would not do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18 M] am crushing on a [18 F] working in a store across from me. How to react?
POST: Hey r/relationships! I've been working at this store for about a month and have recently met this beautiful lady working across from my store. I guess I've developed quite a crush on her because I feel fluttery when I see/think about her! I have received her number and have been texting each other for a bit. The thing is is that while texting, I have been asking most of the questions trying to learn more about her but only receiving one or two line answers. Along with this we give out the occasional "hi's" and "byes" when going to and leaving our workplace. I have been through a couple of relationships, and I can honestly say that the other girls did not "hit me" as hard as this one did. I guess where I'm going with this post is, should I continue to pursue this beautiful human being, or just pass it off as a "crush only" girl?
TL;DR: | Crushing on a girl working across from me, wondering whether this could be the "real deal" or just a crush that will pass by. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Family issues... what should I do?
POST: I wanted to put a story here, but I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I can't put across properly.
I have a straightforward personality. I speak what I think, and sometimes I aggravate people, because I don't like lying. Although I'm a good liar and I can lie to protect myself, I avoid doing it because people get hurt by lies.
But this always ends up in altercations in my family, and several times, they say explicitly they wish I were dead, and that they wish they could swap me for another kid. Sometimes these end up in specific details and descriptions of what they hate about me.
The thing is, Redditors, I have always worked hard. I earned money when we had issues (I was 14 or 15 then), and I have always watched my cash flow. I have never spent money on a game, I don't buy new clothes (all of mine are hand-me-downs), and I hate splurging on anything. My biggest purchase was the laptop I am using, with money I earned myself over years.
I think I have done as much as I can, but I still end up in this situation where I have no one to talk to. I'm not really a looker so I don't find myself drawing attention, and while I score good grades, I don't really expect people to be drawn to me for that.
I have few friends because I trust few people - trust issues that arose from a bad childhood that, for all purposes and intents, have nothing to do with this situation. I can't talk to any adults because I either don't trust them or they are unavailable. Medical professionals are out of the question because they cost money, and I don't like spilling my heart out to helplines because I can be traced (and they do do that kind of thing here).
I have tried to man up, but it's too much to deal and I'm only 17.
What should I do now?
TL;DR: | People, even family, hate me. I can't talk to anyone - I have no mouth, and I must scream. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20-F] with my boyfriend [22-M] of 9 months. My White boyfriend is in a Black Power gang.
POST: Today, my boyfriend openly admitted to me that he is involved as an informant for a gang that is based on the principles of Black Power.
I always knew he was strongly Anti-Fascist(got "Nazi Punks F**k Off" tattooed on his back) and Anti-Conservative(has Reagan on his dartboard lol), and it was one of the reasons I was so attracted to him, but I had no idea that he was so caught up in this movement. When he was 18, I knew he did some time in prison. What he didn't tell me was on his first day in prison, he attacked the first guy that looked like a skinhead that he saw, he got beaten up, but a couple of guys were impressed with his bravery and guts, and from there joined the black power gang. He is used as an informant, and scouts out any white power, Conservative White Male or Right-Wing movements in the area.
He insists he is not involved in any violence himself anymore, he just passes on information. As I am white as well, he insists that he does not believe in "Black Power" as much as he believes in destroying Fascism, and he sees this as his contribution to the world.
I know he would never hurt me, and I think I love him, but I don't know if I can be involved with someone affiliated with a gang.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend is a non-violent informant for a Black Power gang he joined in prison when he was 18. Should I stay or should I go? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (f) and my coworker (f), she lost a baby, and it went unacknowledged by the office
POST: My coworker (35ish) of 6 years was 9 months pregnant, and she lost the baby. I (31) only found out through Facebook, and sent her and her family my condolences. When she came back after a few months, it seemed like she was avoiding me. We were not that close, but there aren't that many women at our job who have kids (ours are the same age, we were pregnant together 5 years ago) and generally the same outlook on life and work.
So I've only seen her a few times since then and today I caught her in the hallway with an unrelated question. We started talking about a situation with an old boss we both had, and the topic of kids came up. I think I fumbled when I mentioned that boss came to see me when my daughter was born, and then she made an excuse and left. I don't want to bring up her lost pregnancy/baby, but I want to acknowledge her pain and tell her that I was thinking of her. She seems to want to be very private about it, and I am uncomfortable bringing up a hard topic. At the same time, I know it can be weird when you are going through a hard time, and people you to act normal.
So can anyone advise on me what to do? Should I drop it and be more careful not to mention baby-stuff? Write a note? Let her avoid me for 3 more months?
TL;DR: | Trying not to make coworkers' grief all about me, but I want to offer her condolences, or at least normal interaction. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I just got threatened and robbed by my own uncle -I NEED SERIOUS ADVICE
POST: Facts:
My uncle is 58, I just turned 29. My dad is the eldest son and this uncle is 2 years behind him. I am the younger of 2 children of my parents.
This uncle is what you would call a black sheep I suppose. Have been told that he is no good since I could comprehend the meaning. Despite this, throughout my life he has been rather kind to me probably because I was born with some physical disabilities. I use a wheelchair.
Him and my dad have never gotten along, they are the two oldest of 7 siblings and could not be any more different. My uncle comes from a somewhat criminal background. He mostly talks the talk but his friends certainly walk the walk. A few of my other uncles and aunts are also in the gang lifestyle but are very respectful and kind people outside of that realm.
I recently moved into my own house with a few friends and this uncle has been an increasing presence at my place. He normally just insults me and my dad a little then takes whatever scraps of weed he can grab off my table. 2 Months ago it got much worse.
He came over and got really drunk one afternoon and took my entire bag of weed and some of my merchandise that I sell on ebay. Through one of my aunts I told him he could keep ALL OF MY WEED and the collectibles so long as he was out of my life. That worked for a couple months until TODAY.
He came over to have "one final conversation" during which he took something I said as an insult and decided to relieve me of my colt government pocketlite .380 pistol and again, any weed he could find. He searched the entire downstairs of my house. He then told me if I told my dad or another uncle he would have me and whoever I told killed.
I hesitate to tell my dad because of what might happen after, they both have uncontrollable tempers. My dad has never cared for my uncle.
So many details and minor things.......please ask any questions and give me good advice please....
TL;DR: | My uncle has been taking from me and bullying me for over a year. I don't want to tell my dad because he's old and I think he would want to fight over this. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] confused about my ambiversion
POST: I've been thinking about where I fit on the spectrum of extroversion and introversion. Whilst I've always enjoyed time alone I also quite like going out with friends and it can energise me sometimes.
So I did some research and found out about ambiversion - being right in the middle of the two - is probably a good description of me.
My problem is that I don't identify strongly enough with either group enough to integrate socially. An extrovert would be in large social settings most of the time, and an introvert would have small, occasional meetings. But I do a bit of both. I'm loud enough to put off introverts and quiet enough to not keep up with extroverts.
Has anyone else experienced this? What do you think I should/could do? Thanks!
TL;DR: | Me - ambivert (middle of extrovert-introvert spectrum). Don't identify enough with either for good social life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU Betting Against The Toronto Blue Jays
POST: My friend and I are baseball fanatics and occasionally have a friendly bet when a game that peaks our interest comes around. Being a Athletics fan while my friend a Blue Jays fan, we decided that last night's game would be one of those nights. Surely the Blue Jays' streak would come to an end.
It didn't.
Now the winner usually decide our forfeits after the game since we don't see the fun in just betting money. Earlier that day, my friend had accidentally worn his boxers backwards and I was poking fun at him for it. So probably as a result, he decided that until the Blue Jays' streak finally broke.
So far? This feels fucking awkward. The Y-Front has made itself at home between my cheeks and I can't get comfortable with it. There's another game tomorrow against the Athletics, please let the streak end tomorrow.
And yes, he spares no expense with occasional checks to make sure I'm keeping up with it.
TL;DR: | Oh yeah, I also have to wear them backwards to bed too. I hope to God my girlfriend doesn't find out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I'm a lesbian and I think I love my best guy friend.
POST: I've liked girls for forever so this really caught me off guard. Sure, I can recognize when a male is attractive, but this is so much more. I feel like him and I are on the same page about everything. He's the smartest person I have ever met. We had been hanging out a lot and eventually dated. In this situation, his gender didn't matter... I just wanted him.
After a couple weeks when things started progressing physically I got really scared. That was miles away from my comfort zone. All I know is girls! I second guessed myself and broke it off. I told him I didn't want anything sexual with him and we didn't talk for a month. Recently, we made up and our friendship is getting back to where it was.
We were together on Valentine's Day yesterday and all I wanted to do was hold him and kiss him, but I wouldn't know what to say to him in this situation. I don't even know if saying anything is the right thing to do. By all means I don't want to hurt him again. Just had to let all that out. I guess time will tell.
Not using a throwaway because I'm feeling RISKY!
TL;DR: | liked girls my whole life, fell for a boy, got scared and insecure about being with a guy, broke up with him, still care for him |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: (20/F) havent met (24/m)bf's mom....
POST: Hello there!
So, Im 20. Been dating this guy(24) for 10-11 months now. He's amazing, ILYs have been said and we are planning our first backpacking trip together!
Now... I recently moved back into my parents house, and he has been living with his mother, since his return from a 4 month backpacking trip last January-May. We've been talking since Jan 2013 and have been together since May 2013.
He has meet all of my family; meeting them before the 6 month had passed... now that we're getting closer to one year, I feel that is ample amount of time to mention your girlfriend, whom he claims he loves, to your mother. I've asked twice before and each time "Yes, yes, it will happen, I just havent thought about it" and she has even inquired about me! Asking if he was hiding her(mom) from me..... I know that it has old been him and his mother for, basically all his life. honestly, I want to meet her, to let her know her son is in good hands and to just meet the wonderful person who raised such an amazing child.
TL;DR: | Havent met bf's mom, its been 10 months, he promised before one year I would meet her, but so far nothing.....Do I ask again, or just let it happen... |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What's the most nonsensical reason one of your friends played the "victim" in a break up for?
POST: Hey Askreddit,
I have a best friend, let's call him Jack and I've known his girlfriend (now ex) since elementary, let's call her Jill. Anyways I was going through my Facebook and noticed Jill's single status. This guy and I commented on it and Jill said that they broke up because "he's as cold-blooded as every other guy". Now I was dumbfounded and told her that doesn't sound like Jack. Jill then goes to say how Jack's cold-blooded because he "gave up" on her because he couldn't make her happy, and that he didn't want to keep hurting her being so far apart. My buddy sacrificed his happiness and this girl calls him cold-blooded all over Facebook for the world to see. Reddit, what's the most nonsensical reason a girl has played the victim in a break up in you opinion?
TL;DR: | Buddy broke up with his girl and sacrificed his happiness because the distance wasn't making her happy, and he knew, at this point, that he should let her move on. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Need help with employee/boss relationship(not romantic)
POST: I[23f] have been working for my boss[55f] as an admin assistant for around 7 months. She is the COO of a small business and I help her with a lot of things. Out relationship is generally really good.
However. She has this habit of assuming she told me things that she did not. I am only around for half of her day, and it seems like she forgets that. And this happens very often.
The info she thinks she told me pretty vital. I often have to redo tasks because she did not tell me vital info. There may be cases that she told me and I forgot. But not often.
To keep this from happening I try and ask her a lot of questions to get as much information as possible. Depending on her mood this helps or it annoys her.
Now if this was it, and it was fine, there wouldn't be a problem. Just a minor annoyance. However, when this happens it seems like she chalks it up to me being young and dumb and gets irritated. I do not want to constantly say she did not tell me things. How should I approach it? So far I have just been apologizing and fixing it. But what if this goes on forever and she thinks Im a bad employee?
TL;DR: | Boss thinks she tells me things that she did not. Do I tell her repeatedly that she did not tell me that info? That sounds bitchy. How should I handle it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How to Find Lost/ Possibly Stolen Phone?
POST: Sorry if this is the incorrect subreddit. I'm still new at posting, and also not really sure where else I could put this.
My boyfriend went to a pawn shop to pick up an item of his that was stolen and brought there and then came straight to my house before he had to go to work. He set his stuff down in my room and started freaking out because he couldn't find his phone. We turned my room and his car inside out (even checked the door pockets in his car) and we still can't find it. Then we called the pawn shop to see if he left it there possibly. They said that they would check the footage and call back. We got a call back and they said he picked it up off the counter before he left and that they didn't have a cell in their safe.
So we tried downloading Plan B on his cell through the computer, but he needed his gmail info, which he didn't know....
Now I'm stuck and I feel like I have run out of resources.
TL;DR: | boyfriend lost phone. Tried installing Plan B app from comp to his cell to find said phone since phone is still on, but boyfriend didn't/doesn't know gmail account info. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend(19F) has a problem with my(21m) looks
POST: She has been my girlfriend for around 4 months now and she is definitely the most amazing girl I have met in my life. We get along perfectly, we can hang out all the time and we are comfortable being ourselves around each other, a rare find IMO and sometimes it feels like we are the same person.
However, a week ago she asked me if I thought I was a better looking guy than she was a better looking girl, and I gave her this look that said "you really have to ask that? looks are something that aren't important at all" Then she says "never mind, I don't want to know the truth it will only hurt."
If we had to compare us superficially, then yes I would be a better looking guy. But the thing is I dont think like that at all. I am not a superficial person at all and she is the prettiest girl in my eyes, so why should it matter what our looks are like on the outside? Attraction, to me, is so much more than looks and even then my girlfriend is still pretty and everything else about her(humor, personality, etc.) makes her beautiful to me.
She explained that the reason she asked was because her ex-bf always said that she was a better looking girl than he was as a guy. But just last night it came up again and I didn't know how to answer. I wanted to be honest with her, but I also didn't want to hurt her so I avoided the answer by saying I didn't know and that I don't think about looks like that.
She gets furious because she believes she knows that I have an opinion on the subject and she couldn't believe that I thought that way, but I dont think that way about looks and she wouldn't accept my explanations. I dont know how to diffuse the situation now and she is really mad at me. Why is it ok for her ex-bf to admit she's a better looking girl than he is a guy, but not ok for the reverse to be true(superficially). I dont want to lose her over something as petty as looks.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is mad at me because she thinks, that I think, I am better looking than her, and it's true(superficially), but doesn't matter to me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Do hospital rankings matter for quality of care?
POST: My grandfather is in the hospital with a gastrointestinal problem. Doctors at Hospital A opened him up and closed him back up without being able to fix the problem. Now his recovery from that surgery, to say nothing of the original problem, is going very slowly, possibly even going nowhere. He might be dying. This fills me with great sadness. Please advise.
I am by no means a medical expert, but I do not think he is getting the best care -- in terms of pain management, in terms of wound healing, in terms of people telling us his family members what is going on and what is going to happen. He keeps being moved from room to room, his nursing staff is different almost everyday and the doctors are elusive. We were told he could be theoretically walking by now, but in reality he is barely sitting up. I do not have much experience with hospitals so am not sure what to expect as a baseline. My boyfriend, whose father died of cancer, says it sounds like we are getting substandard care.
Hospital A is not "nationally ranked" by the US News (and is a county hospital, if that means anything to anyone). Should we move him to nationally-ranked Hospital B (top 30)? Hospital B is farther (25 mins vs 1hr+) but I don't want to pick medical care based on convenience. I am also not familiar with the logistics of transferring him as a patient in terms of paperwork and of physically relocating someone who is hooked up with an assortment of tubes.
Is it worth it? I realize this probably varies on a case by case basis, so would also appreciate any advice on how to investigate further.
TL;DR: | I am trying to best manage my grandfather's medical care and it could be a life/death situation. I am not sure what to expect from hospitals. Will he be better taken care of at a nationally-ranked hospital? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I (F19) tell my roommate and best friend (F19), to stop getting awful tattoos, or would it do more harm than good?
POST: I've been extremely close friends with my roommate for 5 years now, and since we turned 18 she's been getting tattoos on a regular basis- 6 or 7 in the past year. Her luck with romantic relationships has not been great this year at all, mostly because she seems to pick guys who obviously don't value her, and then gets very torn up when they eventually prove it. I think this recent bout of emotionally turmoil probably plays into her desire to get tattoos. She's extremely impulsive to begin with, and that becomes tenfold in times of being upset or sad.
All of the tattoos are taken from google image searches, and they look like bad clip art- for example, a horse's head on her upper back, or the flock of 3 doves above her butt. There are also a couple extremely visible ones on her inner wrists, the most recent being a large word in script that the artist clearly didn't bother trying to space the letters of evenly.
We're extremely close and talk about everything, but this situation feels different to me.
Should I tell her something that might deter her from future body art? Or keep my mouth shut and spare her feelings?
TL;DR: | My best friend is going through some shit, and I think getting (unintentionally) bad tattoos are part of how she's coping. What is my responsibility here? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: I just found out a friend is a supermodel.
POST: Background: We were chatting one day and she let slip that she modeled as a summer job. Amazed, I asked her if I'll find anything on Google if I googled her. She told me it's creepy and begged me not to.
Today, I was bored and googled her. (I'm an ass...) HOLY SMOKES! She's a Canadian supermodel! There are dozens of photos of her taken for top Fashion magazines like Vogue!
The amazing thing is, she doesn't look amazingly beautiful or out of the ordinary. She just looks like an everyday person. She's a little plump. She always looks tired and angry. But she's a supermodel!
I've always known this but it hits you harder when u face it: the "beautiful" people in media are fakes.
TL;DR: | A very ordinary looking friend of mine turns out to be a model with solid cred. She looks amazing in pictures thanks to make up and photoshop. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [20/f] I can't explain issues to my boyfriend (23/m) without upsetting him more
POST: I'm sure a lot of people have this same problem, but I don't know how to tell my boyfriend what is bothering me without him assuming that I'm blaming him for all our relationship problems. It seems like whenever we get into a fight I am apologizing for what happened, no mater how much of a reason I feel that I have to be upset. I know I often bring other issues up at bad times - like when we are already arguing about something else. But I feel as if I bring up issues when everything is good, then that will just cause problems on there own. To make it worse, he wants all the space in the world when he's mad, and when he's done ignoring me, we don't talk about the problem. It's just suddenly done. I understand him needing his space when he is upset - but I wish he would just let me talk to him some before the space that way things are left on a better note. This is instead of him just driving away in the middle of the fight and then ignoring calls/texts ect. Plus, it's really hard for me to give him space when he's mad - it's when I want to be around him the most to make sure he's okay. Just him being near and not even talking makes me feel better....but that is my own selfish problem I guess.
I don't want to piss him off, but then again, I don't want to have to apologize for being annoyed. Everyone gets annoyed about something, right?? Or am I just ridiculous....
TL;DR: | How do I express what I think is a problem with out causing a problem? Also, how to go about issues in a way that I'm not always giving in and apologizing. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 M] with my (ex)Girlfriend [18 F] broke up today after telling her what we need to work on...
POST: After having the first real sit down with my Girlfriend of 10 months, I told her what I personally thought we needed to work on and how come September and I start my new job and she starts back at school, both of which are Monday-Friday commitments. I told her I don't know how it will work for time due to Jobs, family and other commitments...
She then offered that we would set one day aside no matter what and meet up and chill, go for food ect. I turned down the idea as I thought we would run out of things to say during the week.
Furthermore, I continued to tell her I didn't like that she clung on to me whenever I wanted to go out with the lads and have a drink or leave the country for a few days for work or family, I would get guilt tripped and made to feel like it was abandoning her when really I just wanted to have my own side of my life.
We continued to talk and she said what did I want, I said I wanted the old me back which consisted of me just waking up working and then just playing it day by day...
Finally, I was put on the spot with "what do you want"... I said I wanted the old me back and then comforted her....
Now I just feel like shit for putting her through that and don't know if I still want her or not and my head is just racing through everything we did but also everything I can now do..
TL;DR: | Don't know If I impulse broke up with my GF, feel like shit and don't know what I want to do with myself even though that's why I left her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [M36] don't want to set up my wife's friend [F31] with any of my friends.
POST: My wife, Jill, has a friend I'll call Chrissy. Chrissy is on the prowl for a boyfriend. Chrissy asks Jill if I've got any eligible friends, which I do.
I don't want to set my friends up with Chrissy. I'm not crazy about Chrissy. I've got nothing against her, but she's not someone I'd consider a good match for any of my friends.
She's the type to swipe through Tinder and make nasty comments about what ugly losers the guys are despite being, uh, not a beauty queen or great success herself. She's loud and brash. She hasn't got much going for her, as far as I can tell. She talks a lot about reality TV, but I've never heard of anything like a hobby or a social life outside of happy hour and internet dating.
I don't judge my wife's friendship with her - some of my friends are jackasses too, whatever. Maybe Chrissy's a fun drinking buddy. But I just don't consider Chrissy a catch and don't want to be responsible for setting her up with my friends. I picture a hypothetical single me being set up on a date with Chrissy, and later telling my matchmaking friend not to do me any more favors.
My wife, Jill, has brought this up once or twice. The problem is that Chrissy keeps asking Jill about it, and has mentioned it to me once or twice. Chrissy clearly isn't letting this go.
How do I tell my wife that I rate her friend two thumbs down and get rid of her without being nasty?
TL;DR: | My wife's friend is an unattractive person inside and out and I need a nice way of telling my wife that I don't want to set her up with my friends. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Today, I [f/18] got in an official relationship with my SO [m/17] and it's my first real relationship EVER
POST: I'm not a weird girl, or particularly unappealing in any way. In fact I'm pretty confident in my looks and personality, it just so happens that I've never gone far enough with a guy to get into a real relationship.
Today my SO asked me to be his real girlfriend after about a month of kind of "being together." By "being together" I mean we've held hands, kissed, and had sex. But now it's official.
I just want this to be a completely smooth relationship with no troubles, especially because I want my remaining months of senior school year and hopefully summer to be happy and lovely. And because I've never been in a relationship, I wanted to ask you guys if there is anything I should definitely DO or NOT DO in order to make sure this is something that I will cherish and not stress/cry over.
I know it sounds super lame but I really like this guy and I just want to make sure I'm not the inexperienced girl that ruins the relationship through some stupid mistake.
TL;DR: | ! I'm entering my first relationship ever. What are some do's and don'ts for me to know in order to not fuck this up due to inexperience and naive choices? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, have you ever found out your friends sucked, and if so, how?
POST: A few of my friends and I were planning to go to a concert of a band I love. My boyfriend, John, who I've been dating about a year and a half, is also a long-time fan, and I was trying to make plans with my other friends to see if we could get him a ticket (since when we bought ours he wasn't sure if he would be able to go).
Well, the two boys I was supposed to go with contacted me later, with what I assumed was ticket information. Instead, I got a long-winded message about how "this was supposed to be just the original group of friends", "we already have tickets", "I have a girlfriend but even if she could go I wouldn't invite her". Basically a bunch of crap, since all I needed to know was if it was open-floor seating so my boyfriend could get a ticket, and two of the people in our little group weren't even familiar with the band whereas my boyfriend is a huge fan, like me.
I said in no uncertain terms that I would pay them back for the ticket either way, but it was stupid that John wasn't allowed to go and I wouldn't go to the concert without him. They told me I had made my choice, that I was being inconsiderate of their feelings, that I was trying to forget all my old friends, that I couldn't live on my own ~~the fact that I don't hang out with those guys much anymore obviously has nothing to do with me wanting my boyfriend to come along and everything to do with me being needy~~. Oh, and they told me not to bother paying them back because "we both know you never pay anyone back."
TL;DR: | I got kicked out of a group planning to go to a concert (to a band I introduced everyone to) because I wouldn't tell my boyfriend he couldn't come. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Could use some advice on a classic problem (x-post from r/seduction)
POST: I used to work with a girl I had a thing for, but she was with a long-time boyfriend, so, naturally, I didn't do or say anything about it. About a year ago, I left that job and have only talked to her a few times via text. Anyway, in a couple weeks I'll be going to a party where I'll see her for the first time since I left that job and she just told me she broke up with her boyfriend (fiance at the time) a few months ago. So I'm wondering if I should sieze the opportunity and ask her out at the party, after we catch up and talk for a while. Also wondering the best way to go about it. I just don't want to seem like a creep who's been waiting out her relationship. I'm also afraid she just needs more time after breaking up with a guy she was with for so long. I just don't want to put her in an awkward position. Advice?
TL;DR: | going to be seeing an old crush (who, a couple months ago, broke off an engagement to her long-time boyfriend) after almost a year. Is asking her out the first night I see her in bad taste? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [Help] Dog lost appetite? Not eating much today
POST: My dog is a 7 year old rescue we have had for 3 weeks. He came to us slightly under weight, he was only at the shelter for a month. They had been feeding him science diet.
When he came to us, I started mixing in some Avoderm canned stew as a topper to one of his meals a day. His poop turned from mushy to solid. I fed him carrots and treats a well.
This week I decided to transition him to AvoDerm dry food, so I've mixed some in with his science diet. Two days ago was when I started mixing the new dry food in. He seemed to love his new food, no issues. Yesterday I gave him a hard boiled egg mixed in with his dry foods and he also managed to get into some left over food I had. The weird part began last night , when we put him to bed we normally give him a dentasix treat, which he eats right up. He didnt touch it, was still on his bed this morning. Today He didnt even finish all his kibble. He's running around like normal. What's up, should I be concerned?
TL;DR: | Been transitioning his food for the past 3 days. Last night he didnt eat his bedtime treat and didnt finish his food today. Still active and running around though. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What do I need to do to succeed in life?
POST: I'm a 22 year old male, ever since i graduated High School i had to work full time to support my foster family, they have just decided to up and leave to a new state, forcing me to move in with my girlfriend and her family to survive.
I work at Disneyland, my managers love me and tell me i'm going to move up, but i hear horror stories that they tell you this until you become a shift lead and then you get stuck.
I have NO college experience, and i really want to start now before i get older, however i have no idea what to major in or what i want to do. I'm bad at math but great at everything else, sadly, math is what matters most.
Also thinking about becoming a police officer, however my girl does not like this idea.
My girlfriends mother wants me and her to move, this would be both of our first times looking for a new place on our own, i always hear how its so much different in terms of money, So i could really use some good tips if possible.
All I'm looking for is some nuggets of advice, i've never had parents or anyone to watch out for me or look after me, but i try my best. I just want to be able to give my girlfriend and I and good life with little to no money worries.
TL;DR: | Young guy looking for nuggets of advice about work, schooling, moving out for the first time, good majors, and how to find out who you want to be in life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24F] and the boyfriend [23] can never be alone.
POST: Circumstances: we've been moving very slowly. Haven't had sex yet because he's inexperienced and wants to be cautious about moving in that direction because he felt like it can be a distraction from getting to know eachother. He lives in a house with four other dudes all in their early 20s.
I on the other hand, crazy liberal and love sex but had to move back to my parents' after college.
He's not what I would have picked out for myself, him being sort of a conservative Christian, but he makes me happy and laugh till I'm tearing up and we get along pretty damn well.
The problem is, it's starting to feel like things are heating up but despite being two full grown adults, we can never be alone in a normal setting. Sure we can fool around in the back of his car, but it's getting cramped and old. I can bring him home with me and get nasty in my childhood bedroom while my parents watch tv downstairs, which I'm not above doing but is definitely making things awkward.
His place however is completely off the table. Allegedly the roommates have a deal where they can't have girls in their room with the door closed (found that out after the fact) and now I find out (again after the fact) that he can't even have me there in the house if a third party isn't present. Is this a normal thing among grown men? I'm sort of incredulous about the whole idea.
Also his roommates have never been particularly warm towards me (never been a problem with exes) and rarely talk to me or really acknowledge my attempts at conversations. I have no fucking clue what the problem is, some of these guys have girlfriends too, so it's not like their monks.
TL;DR: | BF's roommates won't let be alone with BF. Don't want to be that girl that makes waves among a BF's friends but it's bothering me like crazy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My wife [26F] lost her friend tragically in high school. Today is that friend's birthday. How can I [27M] help her mourn?
POST: Hey all,
First time posting here. My wife lost her best friend tragically in a car accident in high school. Though it's been nearly 10 years, she still mourns for her friend on those days.
I am totally supportive of her, I have lost two friends in similar fashion in high school (granted we were not as close as she was with this friend) but my wife was not the type to develop friendships easily and so losing her was like losing a sister. We've been together almost five years at this point and each year I struggle to find ways not just to cheer her up but to help her cope.
As her husband I want to be there for her and help her find a new way of dealing with the pain of loss. I know I can never fully take it away and that's my own struggle as I want to be a positive in her life and be able to fix everything. However, when these days roll around I usually find myself encumbered and unable to help other than being around for when she wants to talk about it, cry, or take her mind off of it.
Is there anyone out there that has had a similar struggle and could help me find new ways of helping her? Or, am I chasing a red herring? Thank you in advance.
TL;DR: | Wife lost best friend in high school. She's not the type to talk about feelings. I want to help her cope but am usually lost and feel helpless to do so. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girl (19) going to a formal with another guy and decided to tell me(21) via text message the day of.
POST: Basically I've been seeing this girl for about three months now. Although we never said we were exclusive, it was highly inferred and this is pretty out of norm for her. She has been acting distant for the past week, but said it was because of schoolwork. I also have been flooded the past week so it was not too much of a stretch.
Today when I asked what her plans were she said she was going to a fraternity formal tonight with a guy. Now while I have no problem with this, especially since it was probably planned before we started hanging out, what worries me is that she decided to tell me the day of, over text. Combine that with her distance this last week and I'm not really sure how to approach the situation. I texted her back that she could have told me in person, but there was no response.
TL;DR: | Girl who I'm dating(?) decided to tell me that she was going to a fraternity formal with some other guy the day of, over text message after being distant for a week. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Update] Is there any hope for me? [20 F]
POST: Previous post:
Hello. I am still reeling from the breakup mentioned from the previous post. I have gotten over my apathy, and most days I live in a numbing blur. I am a bit ashamed to admit this, but I have used some unhealthy measures to "get over" my sadness. (self-mutilation) However, I am not addicted to the action itself. I do try to limit the mutilation as much as I possibly can, and replace it with positive activities.
My main concern is no longer the past, but the future. I am very different in two distinct ways. First of all, I was diagnosed with vaginismus last year. This is a physical condition that prevents me from having sex without it feeling like I'm being stabbed. Second, I realized that I am asexual. I love being in relationships for the emotional support/thrill, but I cannot stand anything sexual/physical.
These two aspects of myself worry me so much because at this moment, I am a university student. At this point in my life, most men are very keenly interested in having sexual relationships. I feel so broken and abnormal when I realize that I can never give a man what he desires at this point in time. I don't know any men who are different, all the guys I've met loved sex. I desperately wish I could find a man who couldn't and didn't want to have sex. I fear that I will live the rest of my life, or at least 20 years, alone.
TL;DR: | I am an asexual university student with vaginismus, and every man I've met wants sex in a relationship. (Something I can't give) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] am not sure if I'm the right guy for "Beca" [21 F] after knowing her for a while
POST: I have a close group of friends of 4 years, one of which is "Clara" [21F]. Through Clara, she would occasionally bring her other close group of friends whom she knew earlier on, one of which was "Beca". I use to not talk too much to Beca as compared to the other girl-friends that she brings out to hang out and i wasnt very close to her either.
I also used to have a personal emotional problem if opening myself up to others after dealing with a lost of an extremely close friend of the opposite gender due to an argument, that was about 3 years ago and Clara and my group of friends know about it as well.
Soon this 2 group of friends went out on holidays together as groups of 4, consisting of Clara, Beca, Dan, and I. During the first trip overseas last year, I had numerous emotional attacks from the incident i mentioned before and it didnt help me in talking to Beca.
After the trip, I went to consult a specialist and also researched on how to open myself to others. While I have not completely fixed the problem, I feel that I have improved in emotional stability.
A year after the first trip, the 4 of us went on another holiday together. Beca and I became the main planners of the trip.
Unlike the past few times I met her, I became very close to her and I feel that I like her. However, when I mention close, I do not mean that we would share alot of things together or talk endlessly. I feel that I am drawn to her, we are able to work together well during the trip and I enjoy her company.
My other 2 friends(Clara and Dan) did notice about this "closeness" and asked if I liked her. I was shy and I just dodged the answer, but I think they soon notice it themselves and began to show signs of trying to match us together or start grinning to each other when we do something together (maybe it's me, but during the latter half of the trip, I notice that they would just "pull back" and let Beca and I walk in front).
TL;DR: | I have been travelling with a group of friends and I think I like a friend's friend, but I'm not sure if I am the right guy for her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Going to fail an exam tomorrow, what would you do?
POST: So I've been studying for hours, and due other classwork I just haven't had enough time as I needed to do a passable job on my exam tomorrow morning. Stressed out and being extremely desperate, I'm seriously thinking about missing the exam and going to the doctors a few hours later and saying I've been having dull throbbing headaches behind my eyes for the past few days due to stress from personal matters, work, schoolwork, etc. (I've actually had this in the past so I could easily describe it, I actually think I might have some type of tension headache) in order to get a doctors note and get an extra day or two to study.
The class syllabus states "Make-ups for examinations will be arranged if your absence is caused by documented illness or personal emergency. A written explanation (including supporting documentation) must be submitted to your instructor; if appropriate, an alternative to the examination will be arranged". As I see it, a doctors note for tension headaches would be a documented illness. Good people of Reddit, morals aside, do you think this would legitimately work?
TL;DR: | I'm thinking of missing an exam and going to the doctors for " tension headaches" in order to get a doctors note so I can get a few extra days of studying in. Would this plan work? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M] and my _gf__ [22 F] of over 2years recently broke up and Not sure where she is staying, should I ask?
POST: I have contemplating writing something here in regards to our relationship and how we broke up, but simply put, she did not give me much closure and I am not entirely concerned about figuring that out here.
Because of some extreme circumstances with her past and family, she lived with me and my parents for most of the relationship. When we broke up, she left pretty quickly and because I was such a mess I had no issues with her taking most of (now pretty much all) of her stuff. She moved across the country to live with me and my family, so she doesn't know many people around here. She did start to become better friends with people from work and one of them was initially going to let her stay on her couch, but that didn't work out. We did speak briefly a couple days after the break up and she mentioned that a family member was going to help her get a place, but this was hard to imagine because of how much money it is for a studio/one bedroom around here. What I am getting to is that three weeks later I have no idea where she is staying. She must be doing somewhat okay because I have seen her on campus at the school we both go to. I have pretty much maintained no contact except to give her back some important things she really needed.
It's obviously still very recent and she's at least getting by, so it's not like I have that to be worried about. I still really care for her, especially because she's had a pretty rough life in terms of bouncing from one house to the next and never really having a consistent, supporting family or SO.
Basically, I want to know what you guys think about reaching out to her just to see where she's staying (I don't need an address) and that she's doing okay. I am not angry, even though she may be seeing someone else. It would just bring me peace of mind through my own healing process to know that she's safe. So what do you guys think? Sorry if it seems like I wrote a lot without giving enough details, I am willing to elaborate on some things if needed.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend of 2 years moves out and doesn't tell me where she is living. I want to know if it's appropriate for me to ask despite trying no contact. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 M] struggling with possible feelings for a close friend [19 F]
POST: This is my second year in college and my first year being single in college. I experienced a breakup at the beginning of the year. Around the same time, my friend (called Noel for clarity) was going through troubles with her boyfriend and sought me out for advice on the subject many times. As this went on, we grew closer and closer together. Eventually, she broke up with her boyfriend and the advice visits continued.
As these visits became more and more frequent, we began to talk about what we want in people that we date. What was perplexing is that her criteria described me almost perfectly. She even made note of this and we laughed it off. However, it had me sort of thinking that maybe there was interest and that maybe there was a chance.
Immediately, I thought that there was a pretty strong chance that I'm misreading the signs and that I should stick to being her friend, but I constantly find myself unable to escape the fact that I've got this attraction to her.
The thing is that I need to know if telling her how I feel has too much of a risk of jeopardizing all that we've built so far (if she rejects me). Because I feel like I either need to find someone else (which is slowgoing) or just tell her how I feel. Can anyone help me?
TL;DR: | Grew close to a friend of mine, started developing feelings. I need to know if telling her how I feel won't cause too much of what we have to disappear. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I (23M) go camping with my best friend or to my gf's (25F) dad's retirement party?
POST: A couple months ago, my girlfriend (of 2+ years), our friends, and I had planned a big camping trip. Last month, she found out that her dad's retirement party for the Navy (held on the USS Constitution) was the same weekend we had been planning to go. I managed to find new reservations for the campsite for a different week, but a good friend of mine had already bought plane tickets (Chicago to Boston) for him and his girlfriend to come camping for the weekend. He's pretty determined to get camping in, and will probably go regardless of my decision.
The party is Saturday night, so I could leave very early Sunday night and be with them Sunday-Monday, but it's a 5 hour drive each way. Do I miss seeing my friend altogether and go to the party, or skip the party and go camping?
TL;DR: | my girlfriend's dad's Navy retirement party is the same weekend I'd already planned a camping trip with my best friend. He's coming in from Chicago with his girlfriend. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21M] fell for her[21F] again.
POST: hey this will be quite a long story but please read it out as I couldn't believe this happened again. I will be as brief as possible.
Okay it all started when i was in year 8 (7 years ago), when i started to have this small crush on this girl (her). It slowly grew as time passed by. A year later, i confessed and unfortunately was rejected. Due to me being really soft and sensitive, i was pretty devastated. It was the first heartbreak i have ever experienced.
Time passed (1-2years) and there was i still having feelings for her. Things immediately changed when I was told by my family that i was moving to Australia (was studying high school in Malaysia). After being a year in Australia, i realised i was starting to move on. We sometimes occasionally chat as good friends during the time we were far away.
Fast forward to present day, out of all possibilities, she has also moved to Australia and currently studying in the same city as i am in. Unfortunately, because now that we occasionally see each other now, I realised i have fallen for her again, and a lot deeper this time. Take note that so far in my life, i have only had 2 crushes, her and a small one few years back.
I could not actually believe i would fall for her again. I told one of my best friends and he is pretty concerned too since he said there is no chance we are gonna date. Reason being too close as friends, rejected before etc etc. Now that i have also fallen deeper, i can't seem to move on. I now hate the fact that out of all the places and chances she actually ended up here with me. Such a curse.
She still doesn't know that i started having feelings for her again. What should i do?
TL;DR: | Had a school crush 7 years ago in another country. Rejected me, devastated and heartbroken. Moved to Australia and moved on. Now she moved to the same place as me. Fell for her again. In deep trouble. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My gf and I seem to have the stereotypical roles reversed when it comes to "talking about it."
POST: Me: male, 19
Her: female, 18
Relationship of about 15 months
I always hear women complain that men don't talk enough, that they won't open up, that they don't seem to want support.
On the other hand, men complain that women talk and think too much about problems. I've always thought that this was total BS, that it's very important to be open about things and to share thoughts and feelings in a relationship. I understand that there is probably a comfortable medium that has to be reached; too much or too little can be bad.
My girlfriend disagrees with me in every way about this. She doesn't want to open up about anything (considering we've been together for some time, I think at least some trust is in order). She doesn't want support, she wants to "do it all on [her] own." I try to tell her that when I say that I love her, it means that I'll do anything to help her with anything that I can, and it won't be a burden to me. She just won't bite. All I ever get from her is a smiling face that I sometimes doubt.
Her father died when she was about 10ish I believe. She doesn't like to talk much about it, but I don't blame her for shying from such a large issue. I wonder if this event led to her "do it on my own" mentality. I don't see it in the rest of her family, they all cooperate very well at doing all sorts of things.
She refuses to give real answers when I ask about what's bothering her, and she refuses to acknowledge that something is ever bothering me. I don't know if I'm the kind of person that just wants to "do it on my own," I need that kind of support. She has plainly told me that she believes that if she ignores her issues (and mine, presumably), that they will go away. This isn't healthy...right??
TL;DR: | My girlfriend doesn't like to talk with me about her problems or mine, and I wish the opposite. Our stereotypes (silent male, talkative female) appear to have been reversed (silent female, talkative male). |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23M] with my ex[23F] together 2 years still have strong feelings for each other
POST: I'll try to keep this as short as possible, it may end up a wall of text. Met a great girl a few years ago, we slowly became close friends and eventually started dating. Dates for a period of a year quite happily, and then I got a job working away from home. Over the course of our next year together my job slowly hurt our relationship, being gone so long at a time meant less time to each other and created lots of resentment. I also experienced a few tragic events in the loss of close friends, between my job and these I fell into a depression. This and our recurring issues over long distance drove us apart slowly until she ended things.
I am now currently working in our city again, on a permanent basis. We talked about the possibility of dating again, but she says the spark of our original relationship is gone. She still loves me, and I her, but that is all that's left on her side. I still madly love her, and everything about her. She says she wants me in her life, and the time we spent trying no contact with each other was as difficult for her as for me.
She has said multiple times that under different circumstances we would have stayed together, and hopes that maybe the in the future we may retry a relationship, which makes me wonder if she does still truly want to try now. My question is whether there is anything to do to create that spark again, or if I truly should move on
TL;DR: | Ex and I still very close, can't tell if she's wanting me to fight for her or if I should move on |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: My drinking has ruined my relationship and I've lost my better half. When will this awful pain stop?
POST: I love drinking. Too much. I can't stop once I start and I lie, do stupid, hurtful things to my boyfriend. I cannot believe he has put up with me for so long. I can't believe it has taken me so many years to realize this. It's not like I didn't see it coming; both my parents are alcoholics, (dad in recovery) and plenty of uncles. Last night was the last straw for bf, he broke up with me. And it took me all day to get sober and realize what the fuck I need to do.
So I've decided to start AA next week, get my ass back in therapy and work on the 6 million personal demons that are keeping me from living a full, happy life. I need to become a person I can love, so I can be in a healthy relationship again someday.
But how can I even begin to love myself when I feel so broken. We were so in love, recently set a time-line to get engaged. I feel like without him I will could never be happy. When does this stop? Will it ever stop? I am a lonely, shell of a human.
TL;DR: | realized my drinking is atrocious, trying to get better but am completely crushed about losing my boyfriend. Wondering how long the pain lasts. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: If you're not having kids, who will take care of you when you are old?
POST: I am not planning on having children any time soon, if at all in my lifetime. I've got a great-grandmother who's over 100 and won't die. I've got a grandmother in relatively poor health. And a grandfather in decent health. They all live alone. They all had at least 4 kids. They all need someone to check on them relatively frequently. They all have money. What bothers me is that I can't think of a single friend of mine with a grandparent in a similar position who's parents aren't taking care of that parent in some way. I guess you could argue that having money would mean that you would be able to provide for your care in your old age, but not all of us can rely on that. Social services are pretty lacking for the elderly or poor.
TL;DR: | Who exactly is going to take care of us when we get old if we don't have kids and are not wealthy? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (20M) got cheated on by my gf (20F) and can't seem to function properly
POST: I'm bad at writing so sorry for mistakes.
My gf and I started dating a year and 10 months ago before that we were friends for 2 months. We moved in together 6 months into our relationship and had been living together ever since. Now she cheated on me. I can't move out neither can She. She is now dating the guy she cheated on me with.
She wants to try and be friends which I could do I guess. We've been broken up for a week now. I have bad anxiety and get panic attacks super bad since we broke up and I found out she cheated on me. My family lives away and I have work so i can't just skip things and go there for few days either... Now whenever I have a panic attack I'm alone or she's there trying to hold me and make me feel better. While she's doing that all I can think of is her making out and doing shit with the guy she cheated on me with.
Her mom came over to visit her today and I had a panic attack thinking of him going to her house for christmas and thanks giving and for all the holidays where I thought I'd be.
I don't understand why I can't just not think about it, I know she cheated on me then why do I keep picturing myself with her in the future, thinking one day we'll be together. I don't say this to her but I actually want her to come to my room cuddle me and make me feel better like she used too.
I used to have some college but she made me drop all contact with them and most of my highschool friends are in my hometown and I feel so alone.
TL;DR: | My gf cheated on me and we broke up but we live together. I can't seem to put it in my head that she cheated and hate her... I keep picturing myself with her in life and keep thinking about her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, I'm having an anxiety attack over work. What do YOU do to muster the courage to go to work when there's an important meeting?
POST: Basically, I've been sitting here making myself sick with anxiety because of this upcoming meeting today. A few weeks ago I finally broke down and told my manager's supervisor that my manager had been picking on me and treating me like shit. I sent the big boss a very eloquent, fully detailed email in regards to the matter and met with her later that day.. she hadn't read the email yet. I briefly summed up the email to her in the meeting and she decided to pull in an extra higher-up and my manager to sit down and talk about it. My manager wasn't there that day. Fast forward a few days and here I am, about to go into work to this meeting.
I've literally worked myself up into a vomit-frenzy. I'm considering quitting despite KNOWING that I did nothing wrong. I hate these types of confrontation, much less with three of my superiors in the same room. I've tried going over all the things I intend to say, and possible ways the conversations could go, but I don't know the extra bosses well enough to know what they will think about the whole ordeal.
Also, my manager has been with the company 10 years. My first anniversary from being hired isn't until September 23rd. I'm such an idiot for even complaining, but it had gotten to the point where she was writing me up for completely bogus things that never even happened and I have proof they never happened.
What to do? I don't want to quit, but I'm scared.
TL;DR: | I'm a chickenshit because my manager has been bullying me, and I don't want to go to work. Considering quitting. |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: Breaking up and getting back together? Does this ever work?
POST: Me (21M) and my (now) ex girlfriend (22F) of 5ish months broke up around 2 weeks ago but continued to hang out and sleep together (no sex, just sleeping) for a while afterwards. Just recently has this stopped.
At the risk of sounding too hopeful, I still think there's at least a decent chance we could get back together in the future. I think I figured out why we broke up (I think I was inadvertently being a little too needy/insecure which caused her to lose attraction/interest) and am following up on this by giving her space. I think once she realizes that my life does not revolve around her and that I don't need her, she might reconsider. I am not banking on this though obviously and moving on as best as I can.
My question to all the redditors in relationships now is, has this ever worked before? How were things different the second time around as opposed to the first?
TL;DR: | Decent chance me and my ex might get back together after she's had some time to herself. Wondering if this has ever worked out for anyone. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [27M] friend [27M] really annoying when he does something he thinks is cool
POST: He was always the type of person that would not do anything, hard to convince to come along. Now he went to a hipster beach resort last month full of well off people who pretend to be poor and that's the only thing he talks about. He's also the type who always spends all of his money and then comes to me in case he needs a hand to pay for something urgent that came up.
Last night we talked about how he is always low on cash even though he earns the same as me. Whenever this discussion comes up, he flips out and starts telling me how he doesn't care about money and that he's living his life to the fullest and that I will die an old man with all my money next to me. He. went. to. one. place. He didn't do anything else this year.
He knows I travelled more than he did this year and that I go out more than he does, but he still continues to berate me.
Today he had this grin on his face and told me to take 2 days off work and go with him to this hipster beach resort. I refused. He said I wasn't spontaneous and again he went on with his berating.
How do I handle these types of people? I can't get mad because I lose. Instantly. It's like he wants to see me mad just so he could feel better about himself. It's like I'm playing minesweeper.
I'm trying to learn to ignore people who just want to pick a fight, but that's no way to live. I just want to tell him to fuck off, but that will just make things worse. He always seems to know how to spin it in his mind so that I'm the guilty one.
TL;DR: | Friend annoying after going somewhere nice and tries to make everyone that doesn't share his views like they're not living their lives even though he never really does anything. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19F] found my boyfriend [26M] emailing himself nudes of his ex
POST: I have been my boyfriend for coming up to a year now, and we share a room in my mums house together, living together. We are pretty steady going and have a holiday booked for America together in April. However I admittedly have a few jealousy issues about his exes and have some body and self confidence issues myself.
Last night I found he was emailing himself pictures of his ex in her underwear after he asked me to check his email for train tickets to print off. I feel totally betrayed and quite sick.
I confronted him and he said he doesn't know know why he did it. It actually got a bit out of hand and we argued intensely. Calmed down now but I don't know what to do.
It puts a big question mark over our relationship. I feel like my jealousy issues are going to get even more out of hand and it makes the relationship quite toxic, however it's not something worth breaking up over like real cheating, but it's still a betrayal in my eyes. The fact he went out of his way to keep the nudes confuses me. He sent them to his other email to ensure he still had them. He says he hasn't spoken to her in 18 months but I'm not sure what to believe any more. It makes me feel quite worthless when he knows I was already mega paranoid!
I'm just not sure what to do and would like some guidance.
TL;DR: | Found my boyfriend emailing pictures of his ex in her underwear to herself. Feel sick, paranoid and betrayed. Not sure what to do next. Help please. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Hey reddit, I'm a bit shy on the situation but I would like your take.
POST: I feel as though it seems improbable but the fact of the matter is that I think I fell in love when I was 14 to a girl. I'm 17 now and I can't seem to get her off my mind even today. I think that maybe the fact that I haven't been able to get her off my mind a day in my life since I met her. I don't know if I like her or whether I miss the feeling of falling for somebody. It was intoxicating and I'm addicted to the feeling. I feel depressed that I haven't felt it since and I yearn for it. What do you think I'm feeling because I would like to put an answer as to what I should do about this feeling I have in my heart.
TL;DR: | I think I fell in love, I yearn for the feeling, and I'm looking for solutions from you guys. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[22 F] recently broke up with my boyfriend [31 M] after nearly 3 years. Feeling super down, encouragement etc would be appreciated
POST: I know it was the right thing to do, I didn't feel about him the same way he felt about me. But it's horrible, for our entire relationship I've gotten to know his group of friends and have become really close with them, hanging out every weekend, every big event and a lot of weekdays too. But since breaking up they haven't contacted me at all, I tried saying something to one of them but he responded with one-word answers.
I totally understand of course, my ex is heartbroken and they want to show that they're there for him and they're rooting for him and not for me, but fuck it hurts. I've never felt so alone, I live with my parents, all of my siblings have moved out and my parents are pretty social so I'll often return to an empty house and it's awful.
I've been doing okay, keeping myself busy and all that but today on facebook I saw my ex with the group of friends at a dress up party having fun, they're out, it's Friday night and I'm at home alone crying. I feel so pathetic and hated upon.
I can't delete them off facebook either because one of the people in the group of friends is someone I work with so she would notice and mention it to me at work. I'm trying to find another job so I can do that and break contact with everyone, but I don't know whether that's going to happen.
Please tell me you've been in the same situation and now you're okay, I feel so depressed and paranoid and lonely.
TL;DR: | Lost boyfriend and our group of friends to him, feel very alone and very sad. Experience/advice would be greatly appreciated |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I was almost charged for animal cruelty. What is the most ridiculous or inexplicable "crime" you have been, or almost been convicted of?
POST: The story behind this:
I was attending a small community college that was on a bad side of town and surrounded by a lot of homes. Right next to where I normally parked was a house with about 5 chained up pit bulls. While I was finishing up my morning class, I decided to drive home for a quick nap and come back for my afternoon classes. As I was walking to my car, I see a huge crowd and a few police officers standing around a car. To my luck, it was MY car. Some how, one of the dogs from the house had broken off half its chain and wrapped the chain around my tire about four times. The poor dog was screaming out of fright and the chain was cutting into it's neck. After the campus cops asked me a few questions, they told me I was probably going to be charged for "using a dog as an alarm system (cruelty), starving a pet, not having proper pet identification, and not properly taking care of it". It was almost impossible to explain that it wasn't my dog and that I had no idea how it got chained up to my car. I had to wait three hours for Animal Control to come get the dog. Once they arrived, they recognized the dog and explained to the cops that if it had been my dog, it wouldn't have acted so defensively towards me. If it weren't for the Animal Control, I probably would have been charged for the crime and been fired from my job, seeing as how it involved me taking care of animals.
TL;DR: | I was almost charged for animal cruelty for a dog somehow chaining itself to my car. Animal Control saved my ass. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by fixing my iphone.
POST: So last year my friend gave me his old iphone 4s as i still had a 3gs for the fourth year. Cut to the summer and my battery was draining quickly, so i downloaded battery life to view and it only had less then 3% maximum capacity. I went on using the phone by using an rechargeable case which still let it run most of the day. But i would get furious when it died and took anywhere from 2-14 hours to turn on.(no joke) So i bought a new battery and replaced it which isn't that hard and i have replaced the screen and other parts on friends phones. Well a few weeks later as im about to plug my phone to back it up since the last time i had was in june which is 3 months earlier the phone randomly shuts off. "I went o maybe the battery got disconnected." and instead of backing it up then checking i stupidly pulled the back off the phone at midnight. Well lo and behold the battery connector had broken off the mother board leaving me with no working phone. So i tried to set an alarm for 5 am as i had to be up and help move in the freshman and run orientation for school. Well my laptop decided to hibernate and not have the alarm go off. I woke up and immediately rushed down to where i had to be and it is now 930. I had people yelling at me for a while for being late and now had no phone. So curiosity and acting before thinking caused me to lose all the data from the last three months which included at least 25 contacts, over 200 photos/videos and all the important details within my texts and calendar.
TL;DR: | I replaced the battery on an old iphone which had a loose connector, which lead to it breaking the phone and me losing a lot of important data and waking up 4 hours late for orientation. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Meeting my [27F] ex's [27M] new girlfriend [23?F]
POST: Me and my ex dated for 3 years, and broke up a year ago. We lived together, and it was serious, but we broke up because we have fundamental incompatibility issues. The breakup was amicable and we are still friendly, occasionally messaging. I started dating someone a few months ago and we are much more compatible. My ex knows my new boyfriend through friends of friends. They have met once, accidentally, and it was all fine and friendly.
My ex has a new girlfriend, and I'm genuinely happy for him. My boyfriend and I are going to an event hosted by my friends, and I know my ex will be there as he is friends with some of them. It will be small enough that we will definitely bump into each other. I'm fairly sure his girlfriend will be there too; she is not part of this friendship group at all. What I'm wondering is how to behave to her. I have no idea if she knows I'm the long term ex, and no idea how she feels. I don't know whether to just say hi and then disappear, or try to be friendly, introduce my boyfriend and show I'm not a threat... Basically I want to make this girl feel comfortable and welcome. She's coming to a party with loads of my friends and from being with my boyfriend and his friends (who are friends with his ex) I know how hard it is. What would you recommend I can do (if anything) to help her feel more at ease?
TL;DR: | Ex's new girlfriend is probably coming to a party hosted by my friends, what can I do to make her feel welcome? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Me (21M) with my girlfriend (21F) - LDR for 3.5 years, we've never fought before
POST: Some background first: I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 1/2 years. We started dating right before we both left for university about 7 hours apart. Although long distance hasn't been much fun, we do our best to see each other as much as we can during the summer and winter breaks. The relationship is great, minus the distance -- I feel like I love her more and more every day, I've never felt so connected to someone else in my life. Someday down the road, I think I'd like to ask her to marry me.
Here's the thing: it almost seems *too* perfect sometimes, you know? We have never had a fight, not even a small one, and I can't help but worry about it sometimes. Hopefully, we'll be able to move in together in about a year, and I just wonder if suddenly everything will be different. I mean, it will be, obviously, but what if we're not as good at living together as we are at living apart?
So basically, I'd just like to hear from others who've been in peaceful relationships and/or long-term LDRs and how those turned out when the distance dropped to zero.
TL;DR: | Never had a fight with long distance girlfriend, wondering if that means anything worrisome. Also wondering about the transition from being long distance to finally moving in together. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: (27 M) I dont know what to do with my fellings about her (23 F)
POST: I don't know were to begin, I met her in a friend party like a month ago, we really hit that night, and we went out two nights after in a date, everything was fine, that night in our first date she told me she have a kid from her previous failed marriage, she married her highschool sweet heart after the graduation, but he cheated and left like a year ago, that's fine for me, i don't have any trouble with that.
the last weekend, she told me about her job, she is a scort, a high class prostitute in the city where we live, and she is two month pregnant from a previous boyfriend, and i don't know what to do, i could leave her, but i like her, i like her a lot, and I'm afraid she is using me or something like.
So reddit, what i'm gonna do with her, I want to have a relation with this girl but everything looks like against me, so i just leave her and keep searching for another or follow my heart with this one?
TL;DR: | I like this girl who have a son, is a High class Prostitute and pregnant from a previous boyfriend, and i don't know what to do |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Need help regarding homesickness in my boyfriend
POST: I hope this is the correct sub to post in. It isn't putting a huge strain on my relationship, but it is bringing my boyfriend down and I'd like to give him a hand!
So my partner and I have been dating roughly 2.5 years (me - 22F and him, 21M). I met him while I was in college and at the very beginning of our friendship/relationship, I told him that I was not going to be staying in the state I went to school in. I am not from that state and I don't enjoy the weather associated with it so I wanted to move on. I made this clear again when we started getting more seriously into the relationship. He was fine with the whole idea.
A few months before I graduated from college, I started making plans on where to move. He, too, was excited to get out and we settled on Seattle. Now we are here, we both found jobs, we have pets, a fun place to live and are still totally in love with each other. The only problem is that he is MEGA homesick. I don't think he'd go as far as to move back home, but it brings him down quite a bit.
I'm looking for advice because I don't know how to handle homesickness. I grew up in a military family so I have lived about half the states in the US and a few other countries. I am very used to packing up my things and booking it without getting emotional. My boyfriend, on the other hand, had never been outside his state before he met me. His family and friends all live in the same town and he's not used to being away from them.
Is homesickness something people get used to over time? I was thinking about throwing a party and inviting all of our friends here over for some Cleveland brews and decking the apartment out in Cleveland stuff, but I don't know if that would make him miss home more. Plus, that would only temporarily make him feel better. I want him to be happy here, but I have no clue where to start.
TL;DR: | Partner from a small town moved across the country with me and is brought down a lot by missing home. I want to help him feel better, but don't know how. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, is it wrong to leave a freelance job I started yesterday?
POST: I'm a freelance Key Grip/Grip in the film industry.
Story: About two weeks ago I got a call from this Gaffer to Key a low-budget feature. I pretty much immediately said yes because this Gaffer is a guy who I want to work with since he gets much bigger jobs that come his way, even though my day rate for this job was $150 for a 12/hr day (which is extremely low for a Key Grip).
Come yesterday during the checkout, said Gaffer calls me that he's replacing himself for today, and then it turns into that he replaced himself for the whole job. Leaving me with nothing to look forward to on this potentially crappy job.
I would stick with it because work is work, but the Union for my craft which I applied to has been calling me daily for work in the city. And the amount of money and experience I can get from that is worth way more than this low-budg indie feature. The amount of money I would make on this indie feature I can make in 2-3 days doing union work, plus I get my hours in and I dont have to deal with independent bullshit.
So yeah, I'm really tempted to just come up with the old "family emergency" excuse and leave the gig so I can do the work that will ultimately define my career. Is this wrong? Or should I tough it out and protect my ego and reputation even though I might not be happy?
TL;DR: | Started a freelance indie job yesterday which I'm not really interested in. And the union has been calling me daily with bigger and better work. Should I stick with the indie job or leave for the union work? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [40F] was raised in chaos and abuse. Now that my life is calm, I've turned to abusing myself. Advice?
POST: Hi Reddit, long time lurker, first time poster.
Background: I was raised pretty badly. Lots of abuse, violence, alcohol and drug use. Left home for a failure of a first marriage, which after a lot of trauma and chronic unemployment, ended in my early 30's. I have been in second, stable marriage for many years and we are raising our kids together. People generally like me, find me compassionate and helpful.
My issue is that I simply cannot seem to accept that life is good. Wonderful husband, great kids, good job, enough money, enough food. I am exactly where I never thought I could ever be, and it's just SO hard!
I don't know how to be calm. I always had to fight my way through, there was always accidents, emergencies, and drama. As you can imagine, I am fantastic in a crisis. When there's no crisis, though, there's no me, and I need to work something up.
The past five years have been a self-abuse circus. Disordered eating, smoked like a chimney, picked up a codeine habit, now I'm drinking. It's never about the substance, it's about me, I've gotten that far with it. And that's where I hit the brick wall.
How do I stop trying to find relevance in being the master of disaster? My husband went through something similar a couple of years back, and did find his center, and he's great now. Patient and understanding, of course, but that really only goes so far and I'm starting to dance on his last nerve. Mine too, to be honest, I'm not happy being this way.
Advice, Reddit? I'm looking for a counsellor through my EAP at work, but until then, if anyone has anything to share, I'd love to hear it.
TL;DR: | My childhood abuse made me a fighter, but once I stopped having to fight for safety, I turned against myself and it's starting to worry my family. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Boyfriend (M25) doesn't want me (F25) to visit him in the hospital because he said, "It's embarrassing."
POST: Hi.
My boyfriend (M25) of eight months is going to be in the hospital for the next few days because of a surgery he just had and he has asked me (F25) not to visit him. I asked why and he said, "Because it's embarrassing."
What's embarrassing about having your girlfriend visit you in the hospital? I've met his family, they like me and I like them so that can't be the reason. I'm sure his mother will be at the hospital.
So I'm kind of upset. He said that I can stop by to see him at home when he leaves in a few days but that's not good enough.
His female friend is allowed to visit him in the hospital but his own girlfriend isn't? Is he doing this because he thinks it's "unmanly" to be vulnerable? I just feel hurt.
Advice?
TL;DR: | I'm hurt that my boyfriend doesn't want me to go see him after surgery but he's allowing a female friend of his to. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I[22f] put a guy friend[23m] in the friendzone and now I want to yank him back out.
POST: I met this guy, A, about a year ago through a common interest. At the time, I had a boyfriend of 4-ish months; I'll call him B. We are all 22-23 years old.
B is very laid back and not the jealous type, so he had no problem with me hanging out alone with A. A knew that I was in a relationship and would ask me every time we hung out, "do you still have a boyfriend?", which I always answered honestly. I will also admit that I have always been very attracted to A. He would frequently try to cuddle with me or try to kiss me when we hung out, but I always stopped him and did not allow myself to cross any major boundaries with B. I knew that I was playing with fire, but I also really enjoyed my conversations with A.
I told B about the attempted kiss, and he was remarkably unfazed. He didn't ask me to stop hanging out with A or even react at all, but that's typical of him. I reduced contact with A and we fell out of touch. Eventually, B and I separately realized that we don't have much in common and were both feeling lukewarm about the relationship, so we amicably broke up.
About a week ago, A added me as a friend on LinkedIn and we started talking again. We hung out at my place earlier this week. He seemed a little more standoffish than before, and neither of us mentioned B. I don't think A knows that we broke up. Should I tell him? Now that I'm single, is it too late to see where things could go with A? Am I a terrible person for even entertaining the thought?
TL;DR: | I have feelings for a guy that I friendzoned because I had a boyfriend. Now that I'm single, is it wrong to wonder if I still have a chance? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21 F] feel like my best friend [21 F] is only my friend when it's convenient for her. Like when I'm just across the hall.
POST: I met my best friend move-in day freshman year of college. She lived in the room next door to me. We both are from the same home state and live about 20-30 minutes away from each other when at home. Eight months out of the year we are as close as you could be. We're starting our last year of school in a month and our third year of being roommates, which has been awesome. Those eight months everything is great!
The issue is when summer comes. Every year since we met it seems like she forgets I exist. I try to make plans and she says she's busy, and doesn't offer another day she's free. I get that she has friends and family and a boyfriend she wants to spend time with, but there's an entire 4 months were we barely speak and I *never* see her. She's told me multiple times how she wants me to be her maid of honor when she gets married, which will probably be soon after graduation.
I've spoke to her about this a couple times. The first thing she does is get defensive and says she needs to spend as much time as she can with her boyfriend and family because she doesn't see them during the school year. I get that she has other people in her life she only has a few months with, but she can't make time for even a lunch with me. I'm really scared we're going to lose touch after graduation and I'll barely ever see her again. And considering we don't live far apart at all, it really upsets me. I don't think she actually gets that I'm only her friend when it's convenient for her.
TL;DR: | My best friend and I are solid during the school year, but she doesn't seem interested in hanging out when we're separated by more than a hallway. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [26 F] girlfriend broke up with me [27 M], we were been together for 5 months. Everything were fine, until...
POST: My girlfriend [26/F] for 5 months broke up with me [27/M] 3 days ago. I'm feeling lost, miserable...in hell.
We had no fights, a very good relationship. I did not see this coming and i'm lost, with my head still spinning.
She broke with me 3 days ago, reason being she wants her life before the breakup back, she thinks that she is still not ready for a serious relationship (both of us already had long relationships 5+ years). I'm still love her, a lot, more than i ever loved anyone. She was the most beautiful girl that i ever met and we got along very well...and I'm having serious doubts if I'll find someone like her, ever.
She said that, about 15 days ago, she realized that she doesn't want the relationship anymore ...she hid her feelings all these 15 days until the breakup. I'm thinking that is not fair not to give a chance to this relationship. The first time she had talked about it was when she broke up with me. She said that there is nothing wrong about me, it's her fault, her whises, that she cannot lie to herself and that she doesn't think that it will change (the old "it's not you, it's me"). These 5 months were incredible, best time of my life, no doubts, it's strange that all of this vanished in 15 days...
I'm applying the NC rule, but as everybody knows it's tough as hell to do that.
I'm pretty sure there is no infidelity involved.
Sorry about the bad english, i'm not a native speaker.
TL;DR: | GF break, i'm totally miserable. Great time vanished in few days. Thinking that the whole situation is very strange. How can i handle this and move on? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is it possible my boyfriend (42M) is *still* lying to me? Dating for a year.
POST: I have been having internal issues with my boyfriend - things I've been trying to figure out for myself (you can see my other thread on this). When we first started dating, he lied to me about talking to some other woman at the same time, but finally came out with it when I accidentally saw a message pop up on his phone. He's also lied to me about his finances because he was embarrassed about it.
He takes his phone everywhere with him, including the washroom. But he had given me his password and it was no big deal. My SO has a tendency of lying in the past, mostly when he feels he is being cornered, and exaggerating a lot. I chalked it up to his ADHD, because I felt he would never really do much damage. A lot of little "white" lies to get out of situations.
Today he left is phone at home to charge and took mine just in case anything came up. He made such a fuss about leaving it to charge and made some excuse about needing to go into the bathroom - obviously he took it with him. He came out 10 minutes later and I was convinced he deleted anything he probably didn't want me to see.
After he left, curiosity got the best of me and I see now that he changed his password.
Should I be worried? I mean, I've caught him lying to me a few times already - from big to small things. It just doesn't sit well with me that he's not transparent with me. I'm sure it's not another girl - he spends all his time with me and he's crazy about me. But, you never know... He has always been protective over his phone, particularly after that one time I caught him in a lie about a girl very early on in our relationship.
TL;DR: | BF changed his password on his phone so I couldn't access it while he left it with me. Should I be worried? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20 F] will be breaking up with my [28m] of two and a half years tomorrow. I have no idea how to go about it or what to expect.
POST: I have been with my bf a long time and before him, had only kissed one other guy. He was my first everything basically. I need to break it off as its become extremely toxic. I've never been in this situation and I was curious to see if anyone who had more experience with relationships could give me advice and let me know what to expect when I tell him. Also advice on how to even say I'm sending it. He has developed codependent problems so he'll likely have a lot of emotional problems and beg me to stay. How can I not cave? Im afraid I might if he cries and begs (he's done this before when I tried to end it). Thank you.
TL;DR: | I've never been in a relationship but my current one. Don't know how to break up or stand my ground or what to expect. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Friend [18F] was into me [18M] earlier, but I screwed up and she's terrible at communicating
POST: Caroline and I met the first week of school and we immediately hit it off - I danced with her at the first dance but chickened out and didn't pursue things right away because I wasn't used to girls being into me.
She's clearly into me (admitted to a mutual friend) and I think she's cute but my sister told me not to get into a relationship first semester and she gives solid advice, so I'm trying not to escalate. She cuddles with me in my room once while hanging out and I talk to her about not wanting to lead her on - I'm not looking for anything serious. It's ok, we're good friends and hang out at least once a week.
Cue second semester, and I've finally realized I'm into her and want to try dating. I can't find her around anywhere because suddenly she's taking 5 classes and a bajillion clubs, so I message her, and we're joking around. I ask her out (over messenger)(I know, I know) and say "to be clear, I'm asking you out". 9 minutes of radio silence later, she says yes. We joke around and she mentions having a heart attack (me too). Earlier we were joking about not being friends (because I played a prank on her) and she mentions that we're still friends (red flag?).
I talked to her today and we're talking about the date, and she says "date != dating" (fair enough) and then "we're just grabbing coffee as friends" (!!). So I clarify obviously and apparently there was a miscommunication. I talk to her in person (finally!) and tell her that I think she's gorgeous and I want to go on a more-than-friends date. She says "Ahh this is so hard, I don't think I can do that right now".
TL;DR: | Girl liked me but I didn't want to be in a relationship; now I like her, but what to do? What did I do wrong (if anything :/) |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by leaning my chair against a wall
POST: Obviously this didn't happen today. This happened about a week ago.
So I'm sitting in science class with my friend. We like to talk about nerdy things. We were talking about the End of the Line TF2 short movie. Meanwhile I'm leaning back so far in my chair the front legs are off the ground and the back is against the wall. I did this all the time. It's actually quite comfy for long classes. In fact I'm doing it right now. But anyway, my friend gets the brilliant idea to shake my chair leg. It makes me and my chair both fall over and now everyone is staring at me. Then my teacher separates us for making a distraction. Now that I'm pretty embarrassed, whenever I see that friend (he's a short one) I tower over him and put a face on that's something like the "Not Bad" face.
TL;DR: | Leaned to far back in a chair, friend wiggled the leg and I hit the floor in the middle of class. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [23M] gf [22F] of 5 years wants to break up
POST: LDR relationship right out of highschool. We get along great when things are going good, but she has a lot of emotional self-esteem problems (as do I, honestly). She constantly blames herself for everything and things that she's not good enough and doesn't bring anything to the relationship. She likes to focus on criticisms and not compliments, regardless of the distribution between the two.
I just found out that a week ago when she was visiting family, she ended up kissing a guy. I also found out that last fall her friend set her up on a date with another guy. Her friends constantly try to get her to see other people and always talk bad about me, but she agreed to the date. When we saw each other this past week, I saw her texting a friend that she missed the guy she kissed and had feelings for him. The friends encourage her to date and are extremely happy about her kissing and having a crush on another guy.
We argue a lot because we're both stressed a lot and probably don't communicate as well as we could, and we've been on rocky relationship grounds since her dog died in january since she's been depressed. She's had a crazy number of things happen to her since we've been together (father fell sick with cancer, pet dog died, new baby brother that she has to take care of because her parents can't due to sickness, grad school). Unfortunately, we end up talking about her problems a lot and we never get to talk about mine. I'm always there to support her, but I'm not sure if she appreciates it, or if she ever has.
I feel like I've been attacked in character by her friends and mixed with her low self esteem made her think that I don't care for her, and in return she says that she thinks she's stopped loving me. She's confused about having a crush on another guy and from our blatant miscommunications. I have no idea what to do in order to save this relationship. I want to stay together, but her self esteem issues always convince her that she's not good enough and makes me (who has natural trust issues) even more worried, especially now.
TL;DR: | gf of 5 years has low self esteem, and that's gotten in the way of our relationship. After kissing another guy and listening to her friends against me, she now wants to break up |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [27m] ex [24m] (6 month relationship) wants to know all my darkest 'secrets' before we can 're-try our relationship'. I don't want to.
POST: Ever since we broke up (due to me not considering moving to his city -- which by the way, is in another country), he has insisted that, in-order for him to consider ever dating me again, I need to tell him every secret in regards to things that have happened in the past (such as full disclosure of every relationship I've ever had, where I've lived before and for how long ECT, detailed history of all my family members).
This makes me all incredibly uncomfortable as I have always lived a very private life and have afforded all of my past partners a high degree of privacy as well.
I have told him no a number of times and that, if he wants to date me he has to accept me "as I am now" and not try to drudge up old drama or become overly paranoid.
I'd love to date him again, we had a great relationship but he keeps bringing this up and I can't seem to shake it.
TL;DR: | Ex wants me to disclose every detail of my past relationships but I'd rather not. How do I address this without being too harsh. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I might get kicked out of my apartment...Sorry to bother you, reddit, but I really need advice :\
POST: Hey all.
So I am subleasing my place from a friend for only a month and a half. I paid her a set fee that she guaranteed to me was fine and I thought that would be the end of that...Until the owners of the property told me I either had to pay $200 (money I don't have) to be officially named on the lease (which I thought my friend would have organized for me) or I'm going to be kicked out in a week. Now isn't that fun?
Now, my friend not only misinformed me of an extra $200 fine to be a subleaser, but she is going to "try to get out of it." That to me means I'm going to have to eventually move out and find a different place to live until the semester is over (and possibly NOT getting the money back that I already paid her) because she doesn't want to pay the $200 and she won't get around the system. I have already spoken to the person in charge and tried to explain (or rather go around it) by saying I'm only staying for the next two weeks (I'm only staying for 3 more weeks but that sounds like it's too long).
One of my roommates suggesting making it look like I moved out of the place and then just moving my stuff back in, but I don't want to have to do that. I paid to NOT have to lie about living somewhere.
I told my friend she needed to handle it and pay the money, because she is the one in breach of contract, not me. Was that right to do? If not, what SHOULD I be doing?
TL;DR: | I might get kicked out of the apartment I'm subleasing from my friend because she did the rent payment under the table and won't pay the $200 subleasing fee that's specifically on her contract. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me[21F] with my boyfriend [20M] of over a year. We have one major issue in our relationship, and I need help resolving it.
POST: Okay so we've been together for a little over a year, and we love each other a lot. The only problem is that he likes to drink, and I'm unlucky enough to have migraines triggered by the smell of alcohol. Currently he doesn't drink a lot around me, mostly only in the summer when we're apart. However, he's turning 21 in a month and I fear it'll be more frequent since he can buy it himself.
I've expressed my concerns to him. I fear that if he starts drinking more often, it'll tear us apart. He told me that maybe I'll get used to the smell, but he doesn't understand that you can't "get used to" migraine triggers.
When he does drink, the smell often lingers on him for days, and I usually have to avoid him for a while. I just don't think it's healthy for a couple to have to avoid each other like that. He's said before that he wants to marry me someday, but what am I supposed to do? Sleep on the couch every time he goes to the bar with friends?
I'm just torn right now. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to be sick all the time either. He doesn't seem to understand how sick I really get. Can anyone think of some kind of middle ground here?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend of a year likes to drink, but the smell of it gives me migraines. I'm not sure how to proceed with the relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Dogtraining
TITLE: My dog is a douche bag. I'm worried for it's own life. Please help
POST: I have a Chihuahua and Wiener dog mix that has a huge mistrust of strangers. I understand its in their genes, and I can deal with it barking at people that come over, because he only does it up until he gets a good smell of them, and then he is their best friend minutes later.
My biggest concern is his reaction to children. Small people just seem to freak him out for an unknown reason. He does not get used to them at all. He eventually stops barking, but he is extremely timid, and if he finds himself next to a child, he whines like he's dying or goes into another barking fit.
On top of all of that, if he is outside, and even hears a kid, or sees one, he goes into a maniac style freak out mode. He will freaking charge a kid, thankfully he's never bite a kid yet, but we are not entirely sure if he will or wont. I personally don't think he will, because he's gotten right to the heels of a couple and only barks.
We've had him in close proximity to kids before for extended periods of time, and as long as me or my fiancee are in view, he'll be alright after a while. But the moment one of us are out of view, or he crosses a corner and finds a kid there, he goes back into maniac mode.
Is there anything that can be done? or is this dog doomed to being on a leash or inside a fenced in area? Because other then that, the dog is wonderful about sticking right next to you, or being in the immediate area. I'd like to be able to let him run around the house when I'm working outside, but I just don't know what to do about this dog's random phobia.
TL;DR: | Dog freaks out around kids and charges as if he'll bite, but never does. I'm worried he'll freak out on the wrong kid, or actually bite one and get animal control called on him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: So the university I graduated from 3 years ago just called and asked if I can donate to one of their funds... Do I donate?
POST: *Brief background:*
I graduated college with a bachelor's in History, couldn't find a job with it (of course), and eventually found my way into a job in web design / video editing at a company outside of DC.
Even though the pay at my job is pretty good, the cost of living outside of the DC area makes it nearly impossible to save money, so I am currently living paycheck-to-paycheck. Right now, the experience I am gaining on the job is what's important to me.
So ten minutes ago I get a phone call from a student at my alma mater, asking for a donation of $100 for campus events, etc. I didn't exactly have the heart to tell her that I didn't really enjoy my time at that school, but I did mention that I am extremely strapped for cash (which is true). She then asked if I would be willing to give $50. I told her that I need to think about it, so she's going to call me back later this week.
I dunno... did anyone else out there donate money in this situation? I'm kind of torn because I don't want to be selfish and deny current students of additional funds for their clubs, but I **a)** hated going to school there, **b)** have very little money and I am extremely frugal, and **c)** am in debt from my schooling.
Any thoughts?
TL;DR: | I'm poor. My alma mater isn't. They want my money for campus events, etc. Do I selflessly donate or do I hold on to every dollar that I need? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22F] with my Boyfriend[27 M] of 3.5 yrs, I dont listen or communicate and i need to learn how
POST: So my BF and i live together, and have for 3 years. Every other aspect of our relationship is great, except for my thoughtfulness( i think thats the right word?)
This morning we had an argument about the fact that i dont listen to him, care about whats important to him in his life, and i dont respect him. Also, this is not the first conversation hes had with me over this.
Example of this morning :I told him i would help him look for something in the house 2-3 weeks ago. I never did look. ( not because i didnt want to, but honestly, i forgot/ forget) But he will set up my lunch and such for work the next day when i ask him.
I truly think at this point alot of this is on my end. Im lazy, im not organized (cant remember to look for something), im selfish.
I really just dont know what to do. He is important to me, I DO care about what he says. He texted me saying hes not prepared to deal with this anymore.
What can i do to improve my communication while keeping the relationship intact?
TL;DR: | boyfriend says hes doesnt want to deal with my non-caring attutude towards him anymore. I dont mean to act or make him feel this way. what can i do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: People do this every day, but I have no idea what I'm doing. [22,F]
POST: I can feel that my 6 year relationship is coming to a close. The worst part is, we get along fine - but lately it's more like we're roommates and I can feel that we just don't support each other in the way that we would like - I think we're not the same people who we were when we met. I feel bad because he still seems to love me - always affectionate, etc... but sometimes I can't really tell if he's genuinely still crazy for me or if he's going through the motions, trying to salvage like I was.
I am in graduate school and I work, and he works full time - we are both quite successful, and I just feel so unsupported. It's not that he doesn't support me, it's just that he'll ask questions that are kind of critical and that's not the support I'm looking for. I've told him this before. I know he feels the same way - he will show me projects I'm looking for, and all I can say is "cool" or "nice", and I know he needs more than that - I can't give it to him and it's not fair to him. I think the kind of support he gives me is what he needs, but we're just not the same people - it's almost like we're not compatible anymore.
I feel as though we are holding each other back and at the same time, draining each other. But here's the thing: We signed a lease in March, neither of us can afford the place on our own. How does this work? I was thinking of saying (after we have The Conversation, which I also have no idea how to approach...) to him, he can stay or I can go - one of us will clearly have to get a roommate whoever stays.
TL;DR: | How do people do this? How do they know it's the right choice? How do people end relationships while in leases? How do I have that conversation? Help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: She's with another guy but i can't stop thinking about her.
POST: **moved from r/relationship_tips**
We've (M24/F22) been in the same degree program for almost 3 years now and shes my best female friend. She got together with another guy before i got my chance/ had the confidence to ask her out. I also happen to know him quite well.
Because of this i've been pretty down lately and when we hang out with friends and i see them both together i get into a really bad mood, sometimes up to the point where i leave because i can't bear it any longer. It's nothing agressive, "just" heartache. Before this got so bad i agreed to go on a 2 week vacation with them and some other friends. I realise now that i probably will ruin everyones trip if i tag along.
Should i cancel the trip and confess my feelings to her despite her being in a relationship or should i just cancel and keep my mouth shut since her friendship also means alot to me? I know she probalby wont dump her bf and get with me but i hope at least this feeling will go away after she turns me down.
I'd like to hear some experiences on how awkward it is/can be to be friends with someone who turned you down. Shes the kind of girl who is pretty cool about most things, not really a girly girl type if that makes any sense.
TL;DR: | Should i confess my feelings to my best female friend despite her being in a relationship or should i keep my mouth shut to at least be friends with her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Credit Card/ Bank Question
POST: Throwaway account. I got a call last night at around 8:30 from a person claiming to be a representative from my bank. She asked if I had received the new credit card that they had sent a notification about a few months ago. I recently moved out of my parents' house and occasionally still receive mail at that address and I did remember seeing some kind of letter from my bank about a new card but it kind of slipped my mind. This was probably early November. I try to avoid using my credit card regularly but I've probably used it a few times since getting this letter but I've paid it off pretty fast each time.
She said that because I have such great credit they were upgrading my service. I asked what kind of services this new card would give me and she was kind of vague but directed me to a website with information. Honestly, I can't remember the name of the website. She confirmed my parents' address and said a new card would be coming in the mail.
I checked all of my accounts this morning and there are no odd charges on either my debit card or my credit card. There's no new card activated. I'm thinking I'll probably call my bank on my lunch break just to double check. I'm just not sure if I'm still somehow being scammed. She didn't ask any pressing information from me; could I still be getting ripped off?
TL;DR: | Someone called me claiming to be from my bank. They said they were sending me a new card because I'm a great customer. Am I going to be a victim of credit card fraud? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Anyone try online dating before? And is it worth it?
POST: Hello Reddit! So I am a 24F and I have been single for a while, recently moved to a new city, busy with work, and it is looking like a good way for me to meet new people and go on dates is to join an online dating website and do that whole "wink" and "flirt with user" thing. Has anyone every used an online dating website before, if so which one? And did you find that website to be useful, or were a lot of the people that you met (men and women) just creeps and single for a reason kind of people? Any tips or advice would be much appreciated!
TL;DR: | Online dating works, gotta have some patience with the process, but I found someone who could be my best friend and lover. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: Repost from r/askscience: A question about Downs Syndrome risk in subsequent pregnancies.
POST: I posted this over at r/askscience and got nothing. Any parents/ pediatritians/ otw interested parties over here in r/parenting?
Some friends were recently told by their pediatrician that their newborn has a marker for Downs Syndrome-- not that he HAS Downs--he clearly doesn't--but that he has a single physical trait characteristic of Downs (missing palm crease). They have freaked out a little bit and now say that they don't want to risk a second pregnancy. Additionally, the mother says Downs "runs in her family".
Reddit, does this make any sense? My understanding of Downs Syndrome is not profound, but, since it's a chromosomal disorder, how is it possible for it to run in a family (unless there's something about chromosomes segregating poorly in general-- but if that were the case, wouldn't there be lots of other weird health problems, plus a history of miscarriages?). It seems more likely to me that either the doctor was just wrong (babies are chubby!), that there was just a random *slight* chromosome 21 duplication for this child, or that it's just a quirk that's totally unrelated to Downs in the first place. It also seems to me that there should be no reason to think that future pregnancies would carry any special risk for Downs (besides advancing maternal age, obviously). I'd hate to think these sweet parents would choose not to have any more children based on their doctor's bad bedside manner plus some misconceptions about genetic risk. But I don't want to say anything in case I'm wrong.
TL;DR: | is it possible to have a high GENETIC risk of downs syndrome (i.e., not heightened risk due to advanced maternal age)? Are my friends worried about nothing? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22M] boyfriend teases me [21F] but won't be intimate
POST: So, this might be a bit of an odd question, but I'll give it a shot. BF and I have been dating for 3 years, and we're both about to graduate from the same college. We haven't had PIV sex yet because we don't want to risk getting pregnant. However, I really enjoy making out/touching each other. He, on the other hand, only enjoys this very very rarely. Most of the time he participates grudgingly until I just push him away.
I'd be able to get used to his lack of interest in these things if it wasn't for the fact that he likes to tease me. He likes to squeeze my butt and boobs, he'll stare at them and make favorable comments, he'll tickle me, etc. After a while of this I start to get excited, but it doesn't take a genius to see that he doesn't want to go any further, ever.
I have tried talking to him about this, including just last night. But we both always get wrapped up in our emotions--he gets sullen and apologetic but won't offer explanations, and I start crying about not being attractive or desired (which he denies).
The only explanations I've got are "making out gets boring" and "I like it when we build up to it", but I don't understand how to cater to him in this way.
Honestly, I would much much prefer him saying "I don't really like this stuff" and not touching me intimately ever, than him teasing me and grudgingly engaging.
What can I do, reddit? Please no 'dump him' comments, I plan to marry this guy in the near future (once we graduate and get our feet on the ground). He's wonderful, smart, kind, and perfect in every other way.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend gropes me and teases me but won't engage in anything further. Claims he's attracted to me but it's hard to believe at times |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Here I Go!
POST: Hello /r/loseit!
Here I am, putting myself out there on the internet declaring that I am going to finally start getting my weight under control. It actually feels quite good to type this up. Which is why I figure quite a few people make these introductory posts.
I am a 26 year old male standing 5' 11'' tall and I weigh 270lbs. My goal is to drop down to as close to 200lbs as I can by next May.
Why May? Three reasons: 1) Next summer I am heading out west so I want to be able to enjoy everything that wonderful part of the country has to offer! Mountains, hiking, camping, oh my! 2) Before that I am going on a trip with my Father. I haven't seen him in almost a year and I would REALLY like to surprise him! He has always been concerned about my weight, but in a loving way if that makes sense. 3) I want to do it for me! I want to be healthy. And that is the most important reason!
Until today, I hadn't weighed myself in almost a year. I knew I was putting on some pounds but I didn't know I was putting on that much! 270 is scary close to 300! Well it is high time I do something about that! I signed up for Myfitnesspal (even though I don't have a smart phone *GASP*) and I am going to start logging what I eat and how much I exercise.
There are a few large hurdles that stand in my way. I work at a fast food restaurant. I know some people would say to quite this job, but it is funding my trip next year, so I really have to keep it. The other hurdle is that there is a Walmart literally in my backyard. As in it's less than a 3 minute walk from my apartment door. That is going to make it really easy for me to get crap food when I am craving it.
Anyway, I am super excited to start this journey and see where it takes me! A bit thanks to everyone here for giving me such great inspiration! It is a pleasure to read your stories!
TL;DR: | Yet another guy who is wanting to get into shape for his health and his future, and it making this post so he feels more responsible about loosing his weight! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I need some help with my girlfriend...
POST: (crosspost from r/sex)
My girlfriend and I (male) have been dating seriously for four and a half years now-we're both young 20's-and we're both attending different colleges, far apart. We have a great long distance relationship and truly care about each other, and have discussed at length continuing our relationship after college. The few three day weekends and weeks off a year I get to see her, we have phenomenal sex. There's just one thing lacking: she has never sent me any dirty pictures. It's not something I push, but I do mention it infrequently, and I always am shut down by a resounding "NO!" (She has quite a few of me and loves them).
So, here's my thoughts:
* I feel like our relationship isn't worth much to her, because our relationship is controlled by her mother (they are very open) and her mother always warns her of the "dangers of getting her nude pictures leaked all over the internet like those 'girls on the news.'"
* I think she thinks that I'm not trustworthy or responsible, because she thinks I'll show other people(?)
* I feel that I'm not as important to her as she is to me, because she never takes the time to do this for me, something that I really want.
AND FINALLY, THE BIG ONE:
* I believe that she possibly should get psychiatric help for her self image, which is terrible. She is always putting her amazing looks down, which makes it hard for me to reassure her that I find her attractive. She has even to gone so far as to say that one reason it is hard for me to make her orgasm is because she "can't stand me seeing her naked" when we have sex. She's not unattractive or overweight or "not my type" by any means. So her body isn't exactly what she wants it to be... so what? That doesn't mean she's not the most beautiful girl in the world to me.
Anyways, thanks for hearing me out. I'd really like some suggestions for things that I can do or say to help her out. I'd appreciate any help. You guys are awesome.
TL;DR: | The girlfriend won't send me dirty pictures, but I believe that it's because she has a horrible self image. What can I do to help her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [22M] with my good friend's ex girlfriend [22F] have gotten closer, but I don't know if there's a happy ending here.
POST: Situation needs some context. Throwaway because why not.
Finishing my undergrad degree in a university this month. A little more a year and a half ago a good friend and I were introduced to some others, and among them a particular girl. Total charmer and we're both ethnically from the same place.
My friend 'tried' to hook us up all the while getting to know her better. They ended up dating (after my buddy asked for my "consent") for a little under a year before he broke up with her.
This girl and I have remained friends throughout the time and as of the past four months since their breakup, have gotten a lot closer. We've shared pretty much everything to each other and sadly, I find myself attracted to her again which kills me because I knew I should have made the first move instead of taking my time, and that her and my good friend have history.
Now, I know she hasn't fully recovered from her breakup (it was her first relationship) and she probably isn't ready for another but she tends to use the word 'friend' [ex: "you are too kind my friend"] way too much, something that, as guys, tends to sting when you're in such a position.
My thoughts are just to stay the course, be the best guy I can be, and just be there for her if she needs me. Kinda sounds like a ticket to just being friends, however, which stings even more.
I'm just looking for a third party's input here. I'd really appreciate it. Sorry if this is out of left-field for the norm of this sub. Thanks. This would be my fourth relationship and honestly I'm kinda tired.
TL;DR: | Can't make sense of what's going on between me and my friend's ex girlfriend, need some perspective/3rd party input! |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Researching LASIK & PRK eye surgery. Reading BAD things about LASIK long term side effects. Any advice?
POST: I was really excited to plan LASIK surgery for next year but a friend just told me about reports by former FDA officials on long term side effects stemming from LASIK surgery, which they're only JUST NOW discovering. LASIK has only been around just long enough to start observing the long term affects of this corrective eye surgery. Here are two links to resources on these side effects:
**ABC News Report:**
**Directory site of FDA LASIK reports and comments:**
These reports have lead me to lean more towards PRK as a safer and more appealing long term choice even though the healing process is much longer than LASIK's.
TL;DR: | Does anyone have any information or experience related to this topic which may help my decision? Any information you may provide is greatly appreciated. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Update: My [25F] boyfriend [23M] didn't get me a birthday present...
POST: Original post can be found [here](
So I ended up confronting my BF about why he didn't get me a birthday card or anything like that. He told me he had planned a birthday present for me and then messed it up, and then felt really awkward about it so he didn't bring it up when he was here last weekend. I'm honestly doubting that I will get any sort of birthday present/card at all at this point, just based on knowing what his personality is like.
I feel like this would be excusable considering he did supposedly make *some* effort, but unfortunately I feel like the relationship is not very balanced in general. He's really forgetful (which I know isn't really his fault) and I had to remind him when my birthday was three or four times beforehand. He is also really really bad at communicating, which is kind of a problem since we are long-distance. Getting him to text me back is like pulling teeth. I used to try and remind him to text me back, but it's now been four days since we had the above conversation and he has not tried to contact me at all. I'm getting a little fed up with it.
He also hasn't really made much effort to prioritize things that are important to me. For example, I'm a writer and I write for a website. He expressed excitement about it at first but I know that he hasn't looked at my stuff at all.
We haven't been dating for all that long but honestly I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with all of this stuff. He is a really great guy in general and I felt like we had a lot of potential earlier on but I don't think I could put up with feeling like I'm really not a priority for him and I'm starting to resent him for it.
TL;DR: | Starting to feel like I'm not really a priority for my BF and I'm resenting him for it. Not sure if I should try to save the relationship or if it's pointless to try to change him... |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I [20F] contact my old best friend [20F] of 7 years?
POST: I could really use some advice on this issue.
To begin with, me and my old best friend were very close through the primary school years but she moved out of town when were 13.
I reconnected with her on Facebook when we were 15 but due to my social anxiety I didn't tell her that I want us to be friends again so we stopped talking. I haven't made a new best friend since then and I think my she is part of the reason, ridiculous right?
Now, I'm doing a little better with my social anxiety, so I try to contact her on fb. I wished her a happy birthday and she replied to me, I liked her pics and followed her on Instagram and she did the same. I really want to message her but I'm afraid of looking weird or ridiculous because it's been years.
So, should I message her and I ask her how she's doing? or will she reject me? I know we might probably never be friends again but I don't want to spend my time wondering what if.
TL;DR: | Really want to contact my old best friend on fb but I'm afraid of being rejected because it's been years. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [25/f] Should I move in with my boyfriend [32/m]
POST: I'm having this dilemma and the people I'd normally ask advice to are biased on the matter (they don't like him because he made a bad impression the first time they met and it's hard trying to give him another chance). Also, if you know a better place to ask this, let me know! Since the decision is somewhat related to the relationship, I started out here...
So I'm looking for another place to move out to because my housemate is leaving the city and the current place is too expensive for me to pay on my own. My bf said we should to a place together, since he'd prefer a bigger place. And it kind of makes sense since I've been crashing at his place to the point where I'm more of a housemate and his crib than I am in my own home. This would make paying for housing A LOT cheaper (or be exactly the same but have a huge place). In theory, anyways.
We've been together for half a year. It's been okay so far, but officially and legally moving in to a place means being committed to this for a year. At least in my current situation, I had a place to go if it didn't work out. So that is a big concern (especially since our history together isn't very long). I've also never lived by myself before, and it's somewhat exciting to try it out!
Is there anything the community has to offer, in terms of advice??
TL;DR: | Need to find a new place to live. Boyfriend says we should find a place together, since I'm always at his place anyways. Should I do it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26 M] broke up a long time ago with my other [26F] a several months relationship, and it's very hard for me to go on, keep going on, forget her, leave her be
POST: im an usual depressed guy that had many problems, which at the beginning of my relationship seemed to fade away. but, depression reocurred along with upcoming problems, and i hiccuped, i couldn't stay anymore in touch with her, and she left me in the end. the relationship itself wasn't something great, she kept making me angry over the small things i truly enjoyed in life, while she was acting furiously over anything i would say or do; god i fell in love with a bitch. now it makes sense.
lmao, i was trying to get some help, because everytime i see her, i sometimes fall in pieces, sometimes i'm getting over her, i mean she had some good parts, but she tried too much to manipulate me, and i was willing even to spend my whole life with her, trying to mend anything she would break, even myself. but things don't go like that in life, she actually had enough of a relationship like that. my fault i guess, is that she wasn't like fought back when she needed to be fought back, to cool down, my way of arguing with her was usually silence. mainly because when i fought her back, she got destroyed by my big arguments that actually made real sense into her. she was and probably is even now afraid of her flaws, which covers em up really nice. i just realized this now. i mean, she tended and even now, tends to oversocialize in order to keep her inner balance, to make feel herself right because she had some really bad relationships where she over exaggerated everything, so much that in the end it came up to closed weddings.
my god i'm such an amazing idiot. i mean i feel stunned that i didn't saw this coming.
TL;DR: | my point is that i started this post because after a joke of a relationship that i had, i really cared about this superficial girl, and sometimes i get really melancholic with what if, whenever i encounter her |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (21F) boyfriend of 3 years (23M) didn't do anything for my birthday.
POST: We decided to take a break the day before my birthday because we were having some conflicting ideas about the future. On my birthday we didn't speak all day, he brought over a bag of gifts that night because he "didn't have a use for them" and then we didn't really talk much for a couple more days. A little less than a week later, we decided to get back together. And he never did anything for my birthday. We don't do many special things in general... we don't really go on dates, no sweet little surprises, etc. so I always kind of expect holidays and birthdays to be done well. I wasn't expecting much... just take me out to dinner and for a drink or something and acknowledge that I'm a year older. Should I just let it go or should I say something? I'm really bothered by it.
TL;DR: | SO and I took a break the day before my birthday, got back together less than a week later, and he never did anything for my birthday. Pretty peeved. Am I being irrational? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [21/f] and my tinder buddy [22/m] is turning into a nightmare. Advice?
POST: Note: this is a repost from a post I made in letsnotmeet, sorry if you have read this before.
We first started out with a simple Netflix and chill. I've only met this guy twice and we both mutually agreed that this was nothing more than a summer fling, just to 'hookup'. He seemed like a pretty cool and decent guy so I thought nothing of it.
Shortly after our second meet up, he starts texting me persistently on a daily basis. If I went offline he'd spam my inbox with texts with things like 'why wouldn't you spend time with me anymore' and just wouldn't give me any personal space. He'd expect me to drop work just to spend time with him and would get upset if I ever declined to see him. He just kept getting worse, such as trying to invite himself over to my home.
I tried to let him down gently and when that didn't work, I told him that his behaviour was making me uncomfortable and that we should end things. He then sent me a long wall of text that was basically emotional blackmail. He would even screen grab my texts and tell me to explain each line thoroughly. I apologised to him but insisted that it was over for good.
The next day he texts me telling me he's 'depressed at work' over 'what happened' (but there is no us) and that he really misses me. I've only known this guy for over a week. I eventually blocked him but he found me on another social app and demanded to know why I had blocked him. He then asked me out again and I declined. I then blocked him everywhere.
I just found out from my sister that he's been stalking her online the past week and would repeatedly send her requests/text her, causing her to be distressed. Furious, I sent him a message warning him to fuck off.
His behaviour is really starting to creep me out. Unfortunately, he does know where I live. I don't wish to have to report him and have increased security measures but is there anything I can do? Should I confront or ignore him?
TL;DR: | tinder buddy turned stalker who is now online stalking sister. Won't leave me alone and I barely know him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My SO [21 M] just told me [20 F] that he's seriously planning on moving to China after graduation...
POST: And I'm not sure how to handle it.
He and I have known each other since April 2014, and casually dated for two months, were then separated over the summer but in contact, and resumed dating slightly more seriously in August-November 2014. We lost touch for three months, and last month got back together and are much more serious this time around. We like each other a lot and are having a great time now that we're both in a life position to date each other.
Anyways, the other night he brought up that it's been a long-time dream to live outside the country while he's young. He graduates in May and plans on moving to China with a friend, where he has connections to get a job. He'd live there for one year, ideally. He also said that he would remain in the city where we currently go to school if this plan doesn't work out. I didn't say anything other than support him doing that, but instead quietly felt unexpectedly emotional about this. We've only been official for a month, but we got close in the months preceding and the clock wasn't reset when we got back together.
I was sad because I had imagined this whole future next year, where he stays in this city while I finish college and we continue knowing/dating each other. In all fairness, no one ever told me that was a guaranteed future, but he implied staying here a few times. Now, I'm struggling about how to process him maybe leaving in June, since we plan on being together until then. I'm worried about getting too attached, while simultaneously wanting to get all of what I can out of our remaining time together.
What should I be thinking? Is it worth bringing up with him that this upsets me, even though I support him going (if for no reason other than I really don't get a say in his decision process)?
TL;DR: | SO is trying to move to China for a year. I support him, but it makes me incredibly sad thinking about him leaving. Without stopping him from following his plan, how do I help myself through this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I'm pretty sure I have borderline personality disorder, how can I approach my parents?
POST: Long story short, my mum has had depression, (3 serious bouts) since I was little. I basically am always on edge. I keep everything to myself because I don't want to rock the boat. I've suspected that I have some kind of mental disorder for a while, but recently it's got worse. I looked at a website and I can relate to all the symptoms of bpd. I'm not saying that I'm certain I've got it, but I'm quite sure. I really want help but I'm too scared to talk to my parents about it, in fear of mums depression. I'm only 14, so I can't go to the dr by myself. What should I do?
TL;DR: | I think I have bpd but can't talk to parents as I'm scared mums depression will come back because of me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Ex [23F] is is in a relationship with the guy [25M] she cheated on me [22M] with.
POST: I recently made a visit to the town (where my ex goes to school) to see a friend. When I was looking for a parking spot, I saw her walking hand in hand with the guy with whom she cheated on me a month ago (he goes to school 2 hours away). They saw me too. I didn't stop. I pulled over eventually and texted her (breaking NC) and said that we needed to talk. She admitted that they were in a relationship now.
I just need some support. I feel like an absolute piece of shit: she cheated, told me, and then immediately hopped into bed with the guy. I mean, should I be mad? I invested a year and a half of my life into a relationship with this woman, only for this to happen. I know that this subreddit will say she can do whatever she wants, since she broke up with me after the first time, but she is clearly taking him out and introducing him to her friends as her boyfriend, only a month after ending things with me (because of what she did with him). Isn't that at least a little bit morally repulsive? I really want her to hurt for what she did, but she clearly isn't, since she has him to turn to for this repulsive physical comfort.
TL;DR: | Saw ex with guy she cheated with a month ago; she saw me too. She admitted they're now dating. Need any kind of support /r/relationships is willing to give. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [23 F] dating 3 years, worried she wants to leave me.
POST: Hey everyone, this is my first post and and hoping to find another perspective on my situation.
As mentioned in the title, I have been with my girlfriend now for close to 3 years now. We have been living together with another roommate for the last year or so and also have a dog together. I just finished my last semester of college and found myself a full time job and she still has 1 year of school left.
Throughout our relationship we have had minor qualms with things that bothered us but have always worked on improving the relationship. The biggest problems she says I do is I will spend too much time on my computer when we are together, and is something I am working on. I feel like she doesn't reciprocate the same amount of love and affection I show towards her, and that is something she is working on.
This last month she said she wanted to move out and find somewhere else to live as she feels we treat each other better when we spend time apart. I can agree on that but I feel that if she were to leave, we would eventually lead to breaking up. I have also been jealous of an ex boyfriend of hers that she text quite often. They have been long time friends and I believe her when she says nothing is there, but in my gut I do worry she is wishing she was with him.
Hopefully the information I provided makes sense and draws a decent picture of our relationship.
My question is what can I do to make sure this relationship grows and becomes stronger as I really would like to be with this lady? I am at work right now but can check back every so often if people have questions.
TL;DR: | Been in a happy relationship for the last 3 years but recently have hit some bumps and feel like it will end if something isn't done, what can I do to keep our relationship strong? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Feeling kind of insecure without close, meaningful friendships. What can I do?
POST: Okay, I'll try to make this as short as possible. I'm using a throwaway because my SO knows my main account.
Currently I'm (F 21) visiting my boyfriend's (M 21) family after about a year of us being together.
I guess the "problem" that I'm feeling is that I'm a little insecure about my own family relationships, and the lack of meaningful friendships that I have. I don't really have any close friends that I talk to. Heck, I don't think I've talked to anyone besides my close family for *months*..
So, I'm just feeling insecure. I'm being surrounded by my SO's family, who are amazing people, and I'm getting to see a new side of my SO's life, basically.. and it just doesn't compare to the closeness and richness that I have with the people in my life with my close relationships. :/ And I feel kind of bad because I feel like I don't measure up to the person that my SO should really be with.. by that, I mean I don't feel like the confident person that I really am deep down, so I don't really see how much I mean to him, and how I'm good for him. Even though I know my SO really loves me.. he shows me that every single day. I've talked to him before about my feelings, and he's just shocked and in disbelief that I could ever think that. But, I mean, if I don't have the close relationships in my life besides *him*, how *could* I feel secure with myself? I don't know..
Please help. What can I do? Am I just not secure with myself, and that's a whole new issue that I should work on? Am I putting too much emphasis on having friends because I need to feel validated? God, I don't know.. I just feel like I'm missing something. I'm a happy person I think, I just get down on myself because I don't have more people in my life to share my happiness with..
TL;DR: | Feeling like I'm lacking a vital part of an enjoyable life without close friends. Insecure because of it, and don't want to ruin me and my SO's relationship by not having as much confidence without close, meaningful friendships |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22F] with my BF[23 M] of four months, how to transition into a long distance relationship
POST: In a week from now I will be moving about an hour and a half to two hours drive away from my boyfriend of four months. We are both be starting at our new colleges two weeks from now. He will be attending a local community college and not living on campus and I will be in an apartment with three other people one of which will be sharing a small bedroom with me. Our current plan is to visit one another every week while alternating who visits who.
We both play an online game with a group of friends so it will be easy to maintain contact during the week over Skype and we both have cellphone and can text. The only issue is whether my roommates will be ok with him staying the night on some weekends. I'd completely understand if any of them were uncomfortable having a man stay the night in their apartment especially considering the lack of our own bedrooms. I fear we wont get to see one another very much if he isn't able to spend some nights at my place. Considering our situation, what are some techniques used to keep long distance relationships going? I've never been in a long distance relationship before so I'm not entirely sure how living with distance between us can change the dynamic. I'm very committed to the relationship and willing to give it my all. Despite that we have only been together for four months we have spent a large portion of our time together so it will be odd to suddenly not be in each others presence.
TL;DR: | In a week from now I will be moving about an hour and a half to two hours drive away from my boyfriend of four months. How do I transition into a long distance relationship? |
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