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Fun fact: all kitties share a common ancestor, whose name was snickerboots fancybasket.
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Girl: my dog bit my boyfriend. me: your dog is a good judge of character.
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'f**k it, i quit' anchor explains her dramatic exit
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The easiest & cheapest way to update your beauty look
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It's time to change the way we think about political polling
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Today, i started on my second million dollars! i gave up on my first.
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Kylo ren of 'star wars: the force awakens' was inspired by nazis ... sorta
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What do you call a pc that fell in the ocean? a dell rolling in the deep.
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What do you call a frat house in a quarry? a bromine.
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I'd like to raise a toast. *levitates bread*
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Will ferrell announces he's the new 'badass' santa claus
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Manhunt underway in memphis for alleged cop killer
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George michael was working on a documentary prior to his death
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Men are not sexist because being sexist is wrong and being wrong is what women do.
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So a termite walks into a bar and asks... is the bartender here?'
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Last known person to see 7-year-old kyron horman – where does she think he is?
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Here's why negative emotions are good for you
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Chuck norris has 12 moons. one of those moons is the earth.
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Jokes about depression used to be funny.... now they're just sad.
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What did cinderella say when she got to the ball? -makes a choking noise-
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Sly fox steals golfer's wallet, makes terrible caddie
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Taraji p. henson lands leading role as a hit woman in 'proud mary'
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Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? the wheelchair (dont hate me)
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At least 45 killed, 110 wounded in triple bombing near damascus shrine
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Life below the ocean’s surface wholly depends on how we live above it
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Thank goodness for loyalty program emails. i keep forgetting what brands i'm loyal to.
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Marcus samuelsson and arianna talk healthy eating at huffpost's oasis (video)
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Two gay men were having a few drinks one said bottoms up! the other got topsy.
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Obama turns focus on senate races as he campaigns for clinton
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I recommend you chickens learn to talk. nobody ever said let's go get a bucket of parrot.
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I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. everyone is out to get me, just not right now
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So i'm talkin' to a giant squid monster and i sez to him what's kraken? (badum chh)
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Mom shares clever hack for giving babies medicine
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Herb was diagnosed with cancer. it was a basil-cell carcinoma.
true
I wish the band journey was a giant human mouth becasue i have a hard-on and they *suck*!
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It's ironic that so many nascar fans are afraid of other races.
true
Fx debuts a devilish logo for 'american horror story' season 6
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What's the best part about fingering a gypsy on her period? you get your palm red for free.
true
What do you call an academic who apologises all the time? an anthropologist
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We change our life, we change our hair
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Syrian refugees halted by trump’s travel ban make long-awaited reunion with family
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Why do hamburgers feel sad at barbecues? they get to meet their old flames!
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Irregular periods linked with higher risk of dying from ovarian cancer
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Could the electoral college dump trump? dems' dangerous wishes
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Fan catches foul ball with popcorn bucket (video)
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One guacamole is... equal to 6.0221415 x 10^23 guaca's.
true
Most americans think it's racist to talk about immigrants from 'shithole countries'
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I did a stand up routine on fonts, but nobody laughed i'm a comic, sans the humor.
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Charlottesville: the one truth trump will not speak
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What did they call the man who knew how to read maps? a legend
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Getting older is like being in a prison shower you try to bend over as little as possible.
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Is your refrigerator running?? because i might vote for it.
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Homecoming meals: the recipe michael symon likes to cook at home (photos)
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Someone sent prominent muslim group a quran page covered in what looks like feces
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What's the easiest way to kill a bison calf. put it in the back of your suv.
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Where is the best place to eat on a leap day? ihop
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Hillary clinton shows support for anti-muslim ban protesters
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What did the leper tell the prostitute? you can keep the tip
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Did you hear the one about the three deep holes in the ground? well, well, well...
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Prince used to throw pajama parties at magic johnson’s movie theater
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Why did the baker have brown hands? because he 'kneaded' a shit.
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How does hitler make his coffee? he jews it.
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What does a snowman say to his son on his birthday?(dad joke) happy brr-day son!
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D.c. doctor working to save mike, other ugandan kids at risk of preventable death
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'manchester by the sea' director defends casey affleck in college paper
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A young lady walks into a bar... she was protected by a rubber bump*her*
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Montana shows democrats still clueless on how to beat trump
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Why the chicken oyster is every cook's favorite part
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After i changed sex, my daughter has been ignoring me.. it seems like i'm transparent
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American muslims honor muhammad ali as a champion of their faith
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2 cases of legionnaires' disease in newborns linked to water births
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10 trans and gender non-conforming people you need to know
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I saw an ironing board with wrinkles in it i thought that was pretty ironic.
true
Why was the juice company losing customers? there was no punch-line.
true
There's no easy way to steal a watermelon.
true
Cooking off the cuff: using that homemade ricotta
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Azealia banks banned cover: see 'dazed & confused' magazine's controversial front (photo, poll)
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Pope francis renews lapsed clergy sex abuse commission
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Kids' lack of exercise, more than lying around, tied to fat (study)
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Trump is a great guy. he's giving two million illegal immigrants free trips to mexico.
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Stranger: she has a book. cute and smart me: stranger: a stunning genius
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Have you guys heard about reese witherspoon? i hershey is in a new movie.
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Hey girl are you a cool autumn breeze because you make me wanna jacket
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What's the most frighting thing you can read in braille? do not touch.
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In his defense, everyone sounds drunk when they say i'm shia labeouf
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Trump sets obstruction of justice terms: it’s his credibility against comey’s
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What idiot called them acquaintances instead of bud lights
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My eleven year old brother: i have asperger's syndrome... ...want a burger?
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How did the crazy man get across the forrest? he took the psycho path. ( )
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What's gray and comes in quarts? according to my mom, my new stepdad
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How do you get everyone to click on your post? in the title.
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Bbq pork meatballs + lower east side bbq sauce
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I always give 100% 20% on monday, 20% on tuesday, 20% on wednesday...
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The states with the highest (and lowest) smoking rates
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Til you don't actually learn something new everyday. wait. nevermind.
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What do women and the square root of 2 have in common? they're both irrational.
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White women will buy anything that has a cucumber/melon scent.
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Disney grants terminally ill 'star wars' fan's wish to see 'force awakens'
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Sorry i reported your newborn's pic on fb but nudity is nudity
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What does my microwave and women have in common? they both need a mute button
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