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`` looks like we have another one . ''
and so my daughter was born , totally unexpected but completely loved .
the end chapter one i bounce from foot to foot as i try my mom 's cell phone one more time .
i 'm practically bursting at the seams wanting to tell her my good news , and she 's not answering .
i hang up the call as it goes to her voicemail again .
she 's been a little more unreachable ever since she started dating this new mystery man .
she 'll have to break down and tell me about him soon-we 've never been able to keep secrets from one another for long .
i give up and hold down the number 2 button on my old flip-phone to auto-dial my best friend allison .
thankfully , she picks up .
`` i got it !
i got a lawn room ! ''
i shriek as soon as she answers , my excitement overflowing into a wild jig around my tiny dorm room .
allison screams on the other end in response-she knows what a huge deal this is for me .
there are only fifty-four lawn rooms at the university of virginia , where i 'm just finishing my junior year .
they were a central part of thomas jefferson 's design for the school , and spread out under white columns from his famous rotunda .
they might be small and drafty , but living in one is a high honor .
there 's a rigorous application process , and they are given to only the most academically-deserving rising seniors .
i worked my nerdy butt off in preparation for this moment , and i can barely believe it 's actually happening .
`` wait , wait , i 'm putting you on speaker .
miriam 's here , too , '' allison says when she finally takes a breath .
miriam is the third member of our little group that i met freshman year , and has both supported me and sheltered me through the first three years of college .
`` brynn , i 'm so proud of you !
i mean , think of how many hundreds and hundreds of hours you worked for this moment ! ''
she gushes .
i laugh .
`` do n't remind me ! ''
i wince , thinking of how much of college life i 've missed while huddled in the back stacks of the library .
not that miriam and allison are academic slouches either , far from it , all three of us could probably draw you a map of the library from memory .
`` and if it gets too cold in the winter , you can always come crash with us , '' allison adds .
she and miriam have been roommates since sophomore year , and will be again next year .
they 've always invited me to apply for housing with them , but after freshman year , i decided i was too much of an introvert for roommates .
`` the fireplace is probably the best and worst part of the whole thing , '' i laugh .
the lawn rooms have almost no trappings of the modern world , so in the winter all you have to keep yourself warm is your own personal fireplace .
it sounds romantic now , but come next january , i imagine i might feel differently .
`` are you working tonight ?
or can we celebrate ? ''
miriam asks .
i work in the cafeteria as part of my work-study program to offset the cost of my tuition .
`` maybe we could go to dinner together , then see a movie ? ''
`` well , i 'm not working , '' i admit , guilt already bubbling up from my stomach , `` but i was thinking i might go out with these girls from my poli-sci class . ''
there 's a short silence before allison speaks .
`` oh , cool ... sounds fun .
what are you guys going to do ? ''
`` um , they invited me to this party at the crew house , '' i say , beginning to tug on the ends of my dark blonde hair-a nervous habit that only really gets out of control during finals .
`` the crew house ! ? ''
allison exclaims , and i ca n't help but roll my eyes at her theatrics .
`` brynn , you know as well as we do that those parties get insane !
i heard that last semester nine of their varsity members got alcohol poisoning in one night ! ''
`` well , there are only eight on a team , so i think that might be an exaggeration , '' i murmur .
`` though i suppose maybe an alternate- '' `` brynn , the point is , those parties are notoriously crazy , '' miriam cuts in .
`` i just want to see for myself , '' i say , trying to keep the frustration out of my voice .
`` i 'll call you guys tomorrow morning . ''
`` ok ... '' allison says warily .
`` bye ! ''
i say quickly , before miriam can renew her argument , and hang up .
as wonderful as my two best friends are , i do get tired of how uptight they can be sometimes .
not that i do n't understand where it comes from .
the three of us were n't exactly popular during high school , and when we found each other during our freshman year orientation , it was such an amazing relief to be with like-minded girls .
we were all serious students , driven , with a penchant for fantasy books that might star viggo mortensen in the movie adaption .
but now , i 'm beginning to chafe at the boundaries of our friendship .
particularly when it comes to going out to parties , and boys .
on my early morning trips to the library , i see girls doing the walk of shame across campus , their makeup smeared across their faces , hair rumpled , and first i feel pity , and then intense jealousy .
that post-sex glazed over look ... if i 'm honest with myself , i want that too .
and i promised myself that if i got my lawn room , i 'd go to a party .
a real college party .
the kind miriam and allison roll their eyes at as they wonder how many brain cells its attendees are killing by the second .
this crew party is the perfect opportunity .
i 'm trying not to get my hopes up , but it remains a possibility that i might actually get to talk to nate thornhill tonight .
just the thought of his name is enough to send tingles down my spine , though i know the real-life man could probably never live up to the fantasy i 've built up in my mind .
i still remember the first time i saw him , walking across campus the second weekend of fall semester of freshman year .
i would 've bet my life then that he was a senior .
compared to the boys i had just left behind in high school , he was already a full-grown man .
he wore a navy blue polo like it was a second skin as he strode across the grass , jefferson 's palladian architecture spread out behind him like it was built as a set for a movie he was starring in .
he wore his wavy brown hair on the long side , and pushed back to keep it out of his dark blue eyes .
his nose was perfectly straight and ended over a pair of soft , full lips and a chin with an actual dimple in it .
if it were possible for ryan gosling and a kennedy to have a baby , the result would be nate thornhill .
i later learned that he was a double major like me , and since one of mine is political science and one of his is history , we overlapped in a few of our core courses .
i expected him to sit in the back with the rest of the jocks but he was always in the front row , quick to raise his hand with intelligent answers .
i always hide right in the center of the halls ; my shyness overwhelms me in those big lecture classes .
i 've never got up the courage to actually talk to him , and besides , he always has a different girl on his arm .
with his looks , money , and being a star of both the lacrosse and crew teams , he draws women in like a magnet .
but tonight ?
tonight i have promised myself that if he 's at the party , i am going to introduce myself .
i shoot off a quick text to cara , my new friend from class , to confirm that i 'll join her tonight , and then turn to my closet .
i really only have one option to wear tonight : a simple , slinky black camisole with a lace inlay that i bought at the mall in spite of miriam and allison 's naysaying .
i did n't know what i was buying it for then , but it 's the kind of shirt i 've seen other girls wearing to parties .
i slip on jeans and a pair of heels that are probably a little low to be cool , but they 'll have to do .
it 's not like i have extra money to be adding to my wardrobe .
i take out the drug store makeup that i bought and sit at my desk .
i never usually wear anything but chapstick , but i watched some youtube tutorials and feel confident i can mimic some of the techniques .
with a compact mirror , i carefully put on a little concealer , blush , brown eye shadow , and black mascara .
i bought an eyeliner , but i do n't use it .
i think it 's a little beyond my skills .
with a swipe of some sparkly lip gloss , i 'm done .
i close the closet door and study myself in the full-length mirror .
with a start , i recognize myself in the reflection .
i turn my face side to side , searching for all its imperfections .
with a little makeup on , my resemblance to my mom is more pronounced .
everyone always says she is beautiful , so maybe it 's possible that i might be pretty , too .
the shirt is more low-cut than i remembered , and i touch my breasts self-consciously .