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is an insult ah but you see he doesn t think of me as you do no no but it is a dearest you will never let anybody but me call you will you oh well you know the way lovers talk young lovers as we were i a child of eighteen he not yet six he insisted upon having my promise insisted with an eagerness which such a promise was not worth and i i gave it and so from that time forward i was never any more to him excepting on our wedding day and he always called me by the quaint little name that he had out of his love and tenderness just i did not tell him so but i wrote to my father at once an told him everything that there was to tell about my sweetheart i it was very and probably mrs s letter which went at the same time as mine was much more explicit as to captain s standing and personality be that as it may as soon as could possibly be captain received a reply from in which my father said i am coming up to in a few days and shall be very glad to talk over the entire situation with you from what i hear of you i do not see that there can be the slightest objection to your marrying more especially as my little girl seems to have set her heart upon you it is no use my pretending the letter went on that i am glad to lose my only child in this way to be quite frank with you i am glad in one way but exceedingly sorry in another i shall be glad to feel that my little girl is happily settled in life with a man whom she can love and respect i have not much to give her but whatever i have will be hers eventually perhaps i ought not to say it and yet i feel that i honestly can say that in winning her you have won a treasure she is what her mother was before her a good true loyal and unselfish little girl if this marriage comes about i only hope and pray that you will treat her as she deserves to be treated i could not help crying a little over my dear father s letter it was so simple so honest so full of love for me and so if i was unselfish as he said i had indeed learned to be so from knowing him for surely a less selfish man than my father never lived upon this earth as for captain or as i had taken to calling him that letter served to put him into the highest and wildest spirits he may say no in the end i said when he was speaking quite as a certainty of our future life together and then where will you be my dearest child he replied no man on earth could be such a brute as to say no after writing me a letter like this it seems to me young woman he went on severely that you are beginning very badly with me your main idea is to make your bear dance to keep me on the and to take rises out of me don t you think you ought to be very much ashamed of yourself no i replied i think it is far better for you to find out all my faults and all my before we are married so that if you wish to change your mind you can do so before it is too late change my mind he repeated why what next i shall never change my mind never as long as the world is round oh don t say that i said half sighing don t say that i have never been very sure myself that the world is round but it is but we do not know it we only believe the wise men who tell us it is i believe that it is like a flat cheese and i don t believe it is really round well i will my assertion he exclaimed with the strange story of my life a laugh and i will say that i will never change my mind about you as long as the world is a world there will that satisfy you so we talked oh how foolish it all was and we meant it all every word of it well it was less than a week after this that my father suddenly turned up in he came without warning walking in upon us one morning at breakfast as coolly and as if he had come from the next of course we were not alone and when he had kissed me and shaken hands dozen times with mrs he turned round to captain and held out his hand i suppose i need not ask who you are he said in his pleasant cheery friendly voice i am very pleased to see you all the same i think you are a pretty to be trusted out by yourselves think of this little miss here being a married woman why it is preposterous my mother was a married woman before she was as old as i am i returned stoutly and you never thought she was too young to be married no i never did he admitted i never did you are quite right perfectly right you generally are you will find he remarked turning with a laugh to my sweetheart you will find that the easiest way to live in married life is to straightway lay down one that the wife is always right and was that what you did sir captain asked well as a matter of fact she always was right my father replied with the first trace of a cloud which had passed	30
over his face later in the day the two men had a long talk together and by and by when my sweetheart had gone back to his hotel to dress for dinner my father found his way into my bedroom you are going to dress he said well i won t keep you child i like that young man of yours i wanted to tell you so oh dear how kind and sweet and good of you to like him is it such an impossible task he asked oh no i but i did not quite expect you to look at him with my eyes no no but i want to do so and i am glad to be able to do so he is a fine fellow not rich but what is money when it is put against happiness a trifle a nothing a thing not worth considering you will have enough as much as you have always been used to you have done better than finding a gold mine i like your young man he is a man and a fine attractive fellow into the bargain i like everything about him he wants to be married at once he would not be half as fine a fellow if he didn t and i don t know that i see the good of waiting i did not have to wait long myself it was too long though the time seemed short to everybody excepting ourselves i leave it to you two to settle when and where the knot shall be tied he had evidently said as much to himself for when i went into the drawing room dressed for dinner i found him already there and completely full of the subject why you must have dressed like a flash of lightning i i exclaimed and you must have dressed like a slow coach he retorted no i did not but my father came into my room and that me for a little while yes and what did he say different things did he tell you that he would leave the final details to us the final details of what of our marriage the strange story of my life well something of the kind that we might be married when and where we like something like that then we might say to morrow morning i suggested no miss not to morrow morning but we might say here in in a fortnight or three weeks at the outside oh but that is rushing it no it is not rushing it as marriages go out in this country it is quite a respectable sort of an engagement you will have ample time to get a new frock made for the occasion and we should get it over before there is a chance of your father having to go back to oh but he has come up for a long leave well dearest leave is very doubtful just now for any of us things are not going too well in various quarters and your father might be recalled at any moment did he say so well he mentioned it as a possibility i don t think that they could be so as to recall him before he has had his leave out i said oh my dear child if anything happens out of the common nobody cares whether we have finished our leave or not besides that i might be recalled and if i have to be recalled i would rather take you with me he certainly gave me no peace during the next few days and eventually our marriage was settled to take place in something less than three weeks time and it did take place then but my father was not present to give me away for several days previous to the date which we had fixed he came home with a very grave face he said i am afraid i have very bad news for you oh father what is it i cried well i have been recalled not to yes to is there no getting out of it no possible chance of getting out of it he replied promptly but my wedding i cried oh your wedding can come oflf without me everybody will understand i am wanted down at my dear and i must find some good friend who will take my place for the occasion i shall wish you just the same happiness as if i were standing beside you but it must be put oflf i cried no no put off are not lucky everybody says the same thing there is no reason why it should be put off in fact there is all the more reason why it should take place just the same it is my wish you will bear that in mind it is my wish that under no circumstances should your wedding be postponed even for a day well what could i say in the face of this other than that he should have his way and that my marriage should take place exactly as it had been originally arranged my father looked out an old friend who promised to escort me to the altar and to give me away in his stead and the following day he bade me good bye more solemnly and with more gravity than he had ever done in his life before i feel sure i said to him just at the last that you are keeping something back from me no no he replied i am saying good bye to my little girl that is all you know you will never be quite the same to me again i shall never be any different to you i cried oh yes you think not but it is only right and natural that you should be he added earn the strange story of my life don t think that i am you to he	30
is a good fellow and you will always remember that i liked him that i liked everything i saw of him and everything that i have heard of him you have chosen very wisely my child i am pleased and satisfied with you i kept up fairly well until my father was really gone then i broke down and cried well as only the young do cry it is in after life that one what terrible grief grief is i remember i cried that day until i was ill and exhausted and not all my sweetheart s tenderness and love could help me to shake off the awful of coming trouble which and oppressed me come come he said you are making a very poor show for a soldier s daughter what sort of a soldier s wife will you be do you think if you are upset like this by a mere matter of business it isn t a mere matter of business i exclaimed they might have left him he has only one child and she doesn t get married every day it is a special occasion they might have left him for once it wouldn t have been so hard if he could have stayed just to see us married but to be married without him i would rather have waited but it was your father s wish that you should not wait i am quite willing to do what you like he said suddenly dropping his tone and speaking very gravely you know that surely oh yes yes i will go on i will do just as father told me but you must admit it is hard why should he hav been recalled and recalled so soon when he has so much leave owing to him because he is wanted down at and after all you know dearest a soldier s duty whether he is of greater or lesser importance is his duty and should come first of anything with him of course your father being in command makes all the difference in the world and it would have a very bad effect upon the troops if commanding officers seemed willing to what others of less importance have to face but what is there to well you know that the health of the troops n at is not good has never had a day s leave i believe that your father was given his wholly and solely on your account but did he tell you so he all but told me so do you mean that the is worse at it is very bad and your father s presence there to make the scare less general it is one of the which a man has to pay for being a popular believe me child even in the face of your wishes of your wedding he would not have it otherwise no real soldier would i don t believe i said with what was almost a moan that i shall ever see my father again the strange story of my life chapter v sorrow clouds everybody said that ours was the prettiest wedding that had taken place in for years and although i was so disappointed and so upset to think that my dear father was not able to be present at the ceremony i was conscious during the whole time that in every other respect the affair was exceedingly well managed and extremely gay and pleasant there were several of captain s brother officers staying in at the time and one of these a mr st acted as his best man of course in an ordinary way i should have had my cousin he told when the question of his best man was first old bill and i have always been the greatest possible and if it had been within the bounds of possibility to get him i should as soon have thought of jumping over that railing pointing to the rail protecting the edge of the as of asking any other fellow to perform that good office for me but poor old bill happened an accident just before we left england and had to stay at home on sick leave so that he has never been out with the regiment at all and is he the honorable edward is in the rd i remarked for i had noticed when glancing at an army list one day that my sweetheart was not the only man of his name in the rd yes he is the other one but he has always been called bill ever since i can remember anything no i don t mean that his own people call him bill but he was always called bill at and he was always called bill at sorrow clouds and were you at and together no we were not he replied we were just of an age to miss being together i was at and i was at but not at the same time as my cousin in fact he is five years younger than i am and he is lord s son yes he is lord you know is my uncle ah a dear old chap never was a better fellow going curious accident that was of his just an unlucky hit with a ball but by jove it laid him on his back for six months and i hear that he is only just beginning to get about again i fancy unless he is quite fit that he will stay with the instead of coming out here next year naturally his father is very anxious about him because you see he is the only son and you are the only son i exclaimed yes but of course my life is not as precious as his perhaps not to his father i said half to other people more so ah you think so dearest you think so but really joking apart he is the heir	30
and it is a precious life i should not be surprised if my uncle stopped his coming out altogether i know when i was last down at he was not at all anxious that he should stay in the service and he has sisters yes he has several sisters married some of them that is two of them one is not married and is she nice oh yes a delightful girl pretty ye es i suppose so he replied in the doubtful way in which a man frequently does speak of his sisters and his cousins one of them the beauty of the family married a man in the guards and the other married a big the strange story of my life chap i never could understand why she did but i suppose she had her reasons suppose she was in love with him i exclaimed well she might have been of course i never saw him except on the day of the wedding i didn t think much of him and certainly did not look as if she was particularly devoted but she would not have married him if she had not been in love with him i persisted she might not no but as a matter of fact i don t think that she was women don t always marry for love you know even in england and my delightful cousins are rather hard young women i don t think the tender passion would enter very much into their calculations now with bill things are different he is such a dear chap such a good fellow such a but he is very different to the girls everybody likes him i don t think anybody is very enthusiastic about them so it came about that in the absence of his cousin mr st filled the place of best man at our wedding i had four very pretty and what with the the gay dresses of the ladies the wonderful of the different servants and the profusion of flowers our wedding was certainly as gay a as it had ever been my lot to attend we had a strange quantity of presents some of great beauty and none that were not worth having everybody combined to wish us well to help to make the thing go and when at last we went off on our four days which we spent at a little a few miles away it seemed as if our way through life was likely to be one blaze of unbroken sunshine as we left the church a was put into my hands it was from my father and read god bless you my darling i am thinking of you and wishing you all with you in spirit always father i gave it to as we got into the carriage without a word pre sorrow clouds i as it was i almost wished that i had not received it for it seemed to the cloud which had hung so heavily over what should have been and what in reality was otherwise the happiest day of my life but in the presence of an intense happiness clouds even when they are very dark and lowering soon pass i could not long be unhappy i was contented in my new existence with every moment i seemed to care more and more for the man to whom i h d given my life s he was so kind so thoughtful so considerate so forgetful of himself he always seemed as if he thought only of me and after all what was i to inspire a love so unselfish as over and over again he proved his for me to be mrs had called me pretty and not she alone but other people well my looking glass told me quite otherwise i was tall rather than short a slender creature with a certain grace and dignity in the carriage of head and throat which proclaimed itself even to my own eyes i had a good skin and plenty of dark hair which had never known the torture of the curling i had rather nice gray eyes and a nose that was straight and small a nose that had nothing about it and was certainly not beautiful any more than the rest of my face was and yet my dear worshipped me if i had combined the beauties of every that the world has known in my one person he could not have loved me with greater devotion or have more adoration upon me he even consented to take me down to that i might spend the remaining part of his leave with my father i do it against my better judgment he said to me because i think it is foolish to run into danger when you can possibly keep yourself out of it and under any other circumstances i should say absolutely no but when i realize what it must have been to your father to give you up to me i feel that it is not in me to say anything but yes to so natural a desire i will only ask the strange story of my life you dearest while we are there to be guided by me in taking every precaution for your safety i love you for your pluck in being willing to go but i will have you remember that pluck carried to excess becomes and you darling are too sensible and too good to be there is nothing to show any particular pluck i exclaimed this is in the native lines not near our i don t want to run in and out of the native hospital doing sick nurse and that sort of thing i want to go down and see my father that is all yes i understand dearest i quite understand but it is only that i am so anxious so uneasy at any danger which	30
were designed by providence in especial mercy to my youth and of the world i have often since shuddered to think what would have happened to me if my father had died leaving me an girl in india as it was i was taken right away from every association of my early life i was spared all the most details of my great loss and in my new life there was nothing which served in any way to remind me of the old one the rd were then at a very good station in the and we were lucky enough to secure a charming little just by an officer on the staff who had gone home for a couple of years leave so we had no trouble in settling down in our new home we had indeed a home ready made for us for these people left us everything just as they used it themselves linen and even their domestic it was very different for me to go thus to straight into a charming home with well trained servants and everything comfortable and to welcome me than if i had had to do as most young wives in india must scrape along anyhow until we had got some sort of a home put together it was surprising how it softened the blow of my father s death i felt as if i had got into a haven of rest and peace from which i should never be again as long as i lived and still the old native woman s prophecy stayed in my mind persistently i do not the strange story of my life mean to imply that it always stayed in my mind but it came back from time to time with more or less painful there is no in your life you keep nothing long at least not in the early part of your life at such times i had to remind myself of that other prophecy of hers your lord s heart will be yours always it was to that my father s were all sent home not the furniture of our at but all his and my personal my own things had been packed up by my father s orders immediately that my marriage was a finally settled matter and had been actually sent off by him the week previous to his death but captain had gathered together everything that he believed i should most value the pictures a few choice books as choice as anybody ever has in india that is to say a few skins and and various personal odds and ends that my father had regularly used all other things were sold as is the custom at such times and the money for these tf with the little money that my father had had to leave was handed over to me in accordance with his last will strangely enough made and signed on the very day of my wedding he had not had very much to leave something over a thousand pounds you had better put it along with your money i said to my husband when i received the for the amount from the lawyer who had managed my father s affairs not at all he said but i don t want any separate money i would rather you would take care of it i don t understand money the best thing we can do said my husband is to put it in a bank by itself and to keep it for for instance at the end of a couple of years we shall have to turn out of this place and furnish for ourselves and as my little all is well and safely invested in england it would b e a pity to sell out for furnishing purposes be a note in a harmony sides it is always as well to have a shot in the for absolute emergency use one cannot tell in this climate what a single day may bring forth by far the best thing to do would be to put it into a bank in your own name eventually we agreed to do that and so our life went on and i never gave my little so much as another thought we were really very gay at this time the rd was a go ahead regiment and one and all seemed determined to enjoy every scrap of gaiety that could be squeezed out of a life in not even my mourning kept me in for more than a few weeks i was a bride and as a bride i must be and i was very young and in spite of my great grief i did not find it practicable to myself from the life that was going on around me at first when i began to go about i felt that i was wicked and then i reminded myself that after all it was hard to visit my sorrow upon my husband and i felt that if my father could look down and see me from where he was he would understand i was not going about because i had in any sense forgotten him or ceased to regret him but wholly and solely out of a desire to do my duty to the utmost to the husband who had been so good and considerate and tender with me and with every day that went over my head i seemed to love my better and he on his side grew more and more devoted to me how different it would all have been if i had been left without any relations whom i had known as relations with only my modest little and a wretched little to live upon a and a stray who would live in other people s houses with only two courses open to her either to marry for a home or to develop into that wretched	30
of singing my praises but of putting a word in season which would tend to his uncle in my favor i must confess that i blushed a little as i read his words he spoke of my extreme youth of my simplicity of mind manners and habits and wound up by a description of my father s utter sacrifice of self on the altar of duty it was a letter of which any woman in the world must have been proud and i felt after it had gone that lord at least would be proof against any as to my being an perhaps it was foolish of me but that horrid word simply stuck in my throat i could not forget it it seemed to meet me at every turn but surely i thought when i had read s letter to the end his uncle will understand that no woman who is really an could inspire a man to write such a letter concerning her after many weeks had gone by however he heard again from lord not a letter purposely concerning me but one on general topics such as he was in the the strange story of my life habit of occasionally writing to him at the end it said i am very sorry to find that your mother is so bitterly opposed to your marriage and that she is making such a trouble of it i hope that you will not allow yourself to quarrel with her even for your wife a good woman would not of course wish you to be out at elbows with your own mother perhaps it is a pity that you were married in such a hurry but as i told your mother the deed is done and we can only hope that it may turn out for the best i repeated to her all that you had told me of your wife but i am greatly afraid that with her it is a case of can any good thing come out of i would advise you to write her as much as possible as if no cloud had arisen between you after all you are everything that she has in the world hers is not a happy nature and if you can spare her a pang i sincerely hope that you will see your way to do it for my own part my dear boy i like young people who marry to be happy and to be in love with each other it seems to me a greater consideration than any other that one can name or think of i shall therefore try to picture your wife only through your eyes until i have the pleasure of seeing her when i sincerely hope that i shall feel that you have not half done her justice i said when i had read the letter to the end your uncle is very kind and he is very just but although he does not mean to be he is already influenced against me what can i have done to your mother that she who loves you should hate me for doing the same thing i feel as if i should never see any of your people i feel as if i could never face any one of them it is dreadful for a lady to realize that she is regarded by a whole family as an and a mere well dearest in a family sense you are an to everybody but me that is natural enough he exclaimed oh yes but i do not mean in a family sense i have the influence of one person never before been made to feel that i was an you know i went on if i had known all this i would never have married you oh don t say that he cried ah but it is true do you mean to tell me that you would have let my people influence you so much as to ruin my life and break my heart he exclaimed catching hold of me and drawing me near to him yes i am afraid that i should then all i have to say is thank god that we were married before my people had a chance of getting at you i felt a great wave of remorse sweep over me a great tide of which seemed to tell me that he loved me better than i him and yet was that so oh no surely not if ever a woman was bound up heart and soul in her husband surely i was that woman i felt myself blush under his direct gaze no i do not quite mean that i said hurriedly but honestly i do not think that you half realize how eaten alive i am with pride i i should have been angry enough and foolish enough for anything if i had known all this before we were married but at the same time i could not give you up now and i cannot help being glad that we were married before i did know anything about it my dear he said you make too much of my people s opinion after all it is only the opinion of one person a person whose judgment is and moreover based upon actual ignorance of facts you see my uncle says himself that he shall keep an open mind about you he shall only picture you through my eyes through my description i hope i cried that i shall never see any of your people my dear child he said very gently if my dear bill comes out he will be the greatest friend that you s the strange story of my life have in the world he is the dearest chap alive you will like him as much as i do and he will like you well next best to me perhaps i wish he said with a gay	30
laugh that i was as sure of ever being commander in chief as i am that you and old bill will be the very best of friends i said no more i let him think so but in my heart i felt convinced that lord s son and i would never be an but the merest acquaintances family connections people at arm s length from each other first and last and yet when a few months later he came out to join the regiment for he had persistently declined the idea of remaining with the and brought him into my pretty cool shaded drawing room saying this is my cousin edward the you have heard me speak of so often i felt all my prejudices and all my long pent up anger and distress melting away for he was the of my edward my husband it became plain to me that had inherited none of his mother s beauty looks he had come into the world stamped with the personality of the old family of which he had been bom bill as he was always called in the regiment was five years younger than but he did not look it in all my life i have never seen brothers more alike than these two were in outward appearance he had the same charming voice the same quick alert glance the same intense of the eyes and the same delightful unaffected manners he gave one glance at me and held out both his hands you and i he said have got to be tremendous because you they say that women folks do not like their husbands to have but themselves now i have always been s ever since i can remember anything and i cannot give him up even to a wife that is to say not altogether so mrs you must just make up your mind to the influence of one person have me for a as well and then you know we shall hit it off quite splendidly he was so fresh so so hearty that he fairly conquered me he was delightfully impertinent too before an hour had gone by he had taken to calling me mrs where did you get such a wonderful name he exclaimed i never heard of it before it sounds like a poem or a touch of music who first thought of it i did said promptly you why my dear old chap we shall have you blooming out as poet before long i never heard such a charming name in my life even for a charming lady with a little bow towards me i could not help liking him ever fell out as he predicted and we became the greatest of friends indeed it was from him that i first gathered any really information about that unpleasant lady who stood in the background of my life like a ready to spring out upon me at any moment my mother in law why does she hate me so i said to him one day a week or two after his arrival aunt oh well aunt is not the kind of woman who to make things more pleasant under any circumstances he admitted hesitatingly you see when she married my uncle she was a great beauty not so young as she had been and she seemed to have satisfied herself that my governor never meant to marry anybody and you see he did my uncle was one of those happy go lucky devil may care sort of men very much like what is and he was always quite devoted to the governor and i don t know but i think she was a bit disappointed but he had a right to marry i exclaimed well that is what the poor old governor himself thought so he went and got married but i believe mrs the strange story of my life richard was not at all pleased about it really i would not worry about her opinion if i were you but she has set your father and all your people against me no not so bad as that not quite so bad as that she has not set me against you for one but she has influenced your father against me no not my father but your sisters oh well my sisters are well they are not much use to anybody they are very nice and all that but i don t think you would care about them very much they are so taken up with fashion and society and all that sort of thing that they have not got much time left for thinking about other people s affairs not one of them has written to since they first wrote no well the truth is mrs they wouldn t i don t think they write to each other much i don t think they go in much for what you may call family affection and i keep up that sort of thing i don t think the girls ever do as for my dear old governor you must not think that he is your enemy no but he is prejudiced against me no scarcely that he is his time until he sees you i had a talk with him only the night before i left home on the very subject and he said then what was perfectly that there was a great deal in what had to say and a good deal in what aunt had to say and that he should judge for himself when he saw you yes i exclaimed judge for himself with a mind already prejudiced in the other direction he can t help it i cried as he was about to s mother called me an she said that i had caught him the influence of one person a look came over mr s face what are you laughing at i asked i was thinking he	30
said with the of youth that perhaps aunt judged you out of her own i would not upset myself if i were you mrs it is not good enough and after all dear old is the best fellow in the world you are satisfied with him and he is satisfied with you what more do you want well i want just a little recognition from his people i replied then i should be perfectly happy i am afraid he said that as long as you are in india you will not have that recognition however much you may desire it when once you go home and they see you for what you are you will have as much recognition both from s people and from s friends as the most lady in the world could consider her right if i were you mrs i would make up my mind to be contented with that certainty until the time comes after all what can it matter to you what a lot of people whom you have never seen and who have never seen you choose to think about you look at me for instance i came out here feeling shall i confess it to you that it was a ghastly bore that my greatest had gone and got married feeling that life would never be quite the same again and in a kind of way as if i owed you one for having married him but as soon as i saw you why you must have seen for yourself that i went down before you like a row of in a well played game of i put out my hand to him in an impulse of gratitude mr i said i did not think somehow that i should like you but i cannot help myself you are quite fit to be s cousin and you cannot expect me to say more than that i felt before i saw you that you would be stiff and stuck up and and horrid yes i did i admit it freely and yet i liked you nearly as o the strange story of my life much as before you had been in the room five minutes that is all right he said heartily i told you that we should be the greatest of friends but don t you think mrs since you are s wife and we are cousins that you might leave off calling me mr it must sound to as if our relations were not over and above cordial and we want to create just a contrary impression to that don t we so mrs what if i were to leave off your grand married title and you were to call me bill and from that moment he and i were and bill one to another a and a choice l chapter viii a and a choice after bill and i had made such a satisfactory compact of friendship which by the bye we never broke i ceased entirely to discuss the family with my husband i had no wish to bore him on tlie subject and i could not shut my eyes to the fact that whatever chose to do and whatever line of conduct w they chose to make their own he was not in any way responsible for it and could not while living at so great a distance from them make them see matters with his eyes besides it distressed him and any expression of my annoyance at the line which they had taken generally had the effect of giving him a headache so i very soon after bill came to india ceased to mention the family in any way not very long after the arrival of lord s last letter wrote to his mother he wrote exactly as if he had received no unpleasant letter from her and in due course of time she answered him and a more or less correspondence was the result he always wrote to her as if she was on the best of terms with him she always wrote to him as if he were still unmarried indeed she never after that first letter which was written immediately on the receipt of the news of our engagement mentioned me in any way good bad or indifferent it was not an easy situation for me to bear but i could not help feeling that it was in reality more hard for than for me he made a rule of bringing me his mother s letters to read and also of bringing me his to her that i might read them before they were at first i not wishing to seem to be the strange story of my life upon one whom i trusted so utterly and loved so intensely but quickly disposed of my objections i should not dream of receiving or writing letters of which you knew nothing he said quietly and i must ask you to read these as well as others if there is anything at any time that you object to dearest you have only to tell me it is not likely that i should object to anything i exclaimed indignantly my dear child he replied two heads are better than one and i might chance quite to say something which would be painful or to you you know that i have no desire in the world but to make you happy and if by accident i chance to say the wrong thing it will be better for both of us that you tell me of it before it is too late to it than afterwards i could not help seeing the of his remark so i made no further objection to reading the correspondence which passed between himself and his mother it was not so very long before our little child was born though it proved to be not the much hoped for	30
boy upon which had set his heart i don t know why men do seem to set their hearts upon having boys when they start a family because girls generally seem to be more to their fathers than boys are to be nearer closer more one with them i don t think that was very much disappointed but he had always spoken of the child that was to be as the little son the boy he and we had quite decided between ourselves that it was to be called richard after his father and mine however when the baby came instead of the big beautiful boy with the blue eyes and the crisp curling hair the new arrival turned out to be a frail golden haired gray eyed girl taking entirely after me not that i had golden hair but tradition had always declared that i had been blessed in that way as a baby we a and a choice had so little expected a girl that we had actually no name ready for it and i was so ill that some weeks went by before the little stranger had any sort of a name to call her own in due course of time we her margaret margaret was my mother s name and was merely a fancy of my own s cousin stood as her and mrs and another old friend of mine were her two she was a dear thing as good and healthy as she was pretty to look upon i was fortunate in getting a most devoted so that to me baby was personally no trouble whatever this was indeed just as well for after her birth i was never quite the same not as long as i was in india i seemed to be just fading away not from any actual complaint yet never feeling quite well i had no strength no energy no desire to do anything they used to dress me and take me out for a morning drive and then i would go in and look at breakfast and spend the rest of the day in a state more or less of until the cool of the evening when they would dress me and take me out for a drive again then i was taken up to the hills had special leave of absence and the doctors of us os full of assurances that it would be the making of me but it was not the making of me i got a shade or so better just at first and then i settled down again into the same of ill health finding everything an exertion everything a trouble not unhappy but living a life that was more or less of a blank you know my dearest said to me one day when i was just recovering from a dead faint which had lasted longer than usual you cannot go on like this you will die if something cannot be done i put out a feeble hand and took his i am afraid that i am going the same way as my mother went of course you know she died of just as dear father did but all the same i have her constitution ex the strange story of my life she never could shake off the effects of illness and i am just the same you ought to go home he said oh but i could not possibly go home i have nowhere to go to i have no interest in going home it would be quite absurd besides my constitution cannot need a climate which it has never known my dear child he said you were born in india but you inherit an english constitution and the fact that you have never been home has nothing to do with the equally fact that a good long stay in england probably set you up for good and all at all events the best thing we can do is to see what the doctors have to say about it so the doctors came and sat upon me as they phrase it out in india and the verdict was that at all and any cost i was to be sent home i raised every objection that my feeble mind could devise and suggest i might as well have talked to so many stone walls they had got it firmly into their stupid heads that home i was to go and nothing that i could say served in any way to shake them from that opinion then of course my husband will be able to go with me i exclaimed when i found that they had made up their minds about me the senior doctor looked at me doubtfully well of course has been out such a very short time his leave is not due for ever so long yet he said if he felt the climate more we could sit upon him and him sick but i am afraid that would be a little too bare faced even for you couldn t get up a little illness could you he asked turning to my husband burst out laughing at the bare idea of such a thing why my dear fellow i have never been ill in my life he answered it would be such a clear case of the very men in the ranks would laugh a and a choice at the bare idea of such a thing i am afraid i cannot manage that much even for you well then i refuse to go i said resolutely i have never been home and i am very young to go alone i have no relations nobody to go to and i really cannot face such a journey by myself i would rather stay here and die you will die unless you do go home said dr positively i would rather die here then i declared positively i am sure that i should die	30
if i w ere sent to england by myself it has never been home to me i call it home as everybody else does because it is the to which i have been used all my life but india is my real home i should die for certain long before i set foot upon english shores the senior doctor was about to answer me when my husband stopped him i don t think we need finally settle it now he said putting his hand upon the other s shoulder the wife and i will talk it over it is as she says that she is so young to contemplate such a journey by herself we will talk it over and see how it looks when she gets more accustomed to it it is not necessary to decide it off hand so one by one the doctors filed out of the room each bidding me adieu with an air which told me plainly that they regarded me as a doomed woman when the last one was gone that is to say when dr had taken his leave which he did at the door with a whisper to a whisper which i heard quite plainly or at least a part of it came back into the room where i was with a great assumption of cheerfulness in his manner i literally cast myself into his arms oh i cried it is all over between us you and i have not had a very long journey together but we have got nearly to the end of it now no no my dearest he returned soothingly you the strange story of my life mustn t take such a view of things as all this you are ill and but it will be all right by you are young you have every chance of pulling yourself together again if you only do what we tell you no i said no it is too late don t try to deceive me i heard what he said no time to be lost what does that mean that if i stay here i shall die if i go over there i shall die just the same i would rather stay here with you and die here i cannot let you say that darling he said in a desperately anxious voice i saw that he was trying not to frighten me but his face was under all its bronze and his lips were trembling i wish to god he said in an exceedingly bitter voice that i had even the decent shadow of an excuse for getting myself sick that i might take you home if you won t go without me i must the service but you must remember if i do that i am throwing away my whole career and my people will be more set against you than ever not that it would matter in the least only one has to think of the future when one is not well off i do wish he said looking at me wistfully that you would consent to be guided by those who do know what they are talking of you must know darling that it is utterly hateful to me to think of being parted from you even for a single day but for your good your welfare your safety i could not put my own inclinations first after all you would have the child you would have your own you would go with people you know think what it would be to come back strong and well as you used to be think what it would be to die over there alone i said no no i would rather stay here i would rather stay here and face the certainty of death because i should be with you to the end i have never been alone in my life i have never known what it was to depend upon myself you cannot imagine the a and a choice desolation that the very thought of such a journey has for me oh don t ask me to do it don t ask me to do it i can t help asking you to do it he said anxiously if i had no love for you and the doctors advised that course i should still ask you just the same as i am doing now to do that which is the best for your health and safety besides that dearest there is not the slightest doubt that it would be the best thing in the world for the child for the child yes of course no child is as well in india as it would be in england the chances are a hundred to one against a child s life in a climate like this i never knew that i said quickly no but at the same time the doctors say it the doctors think it our little girl is all right now but then she is such a not yet six months old but when she begins to get her teeth when the summer heat comes on why in england she would have twenty times nay a hundred times the chance of that she would have in india do you really think so the whole experience of people who have had babies out here tells me that that is so the whole experience of the doctors declares the same thing why should these men lie to us it is not to their interests to save a child s life unless it happens to be their own from them you get an opinion but baby is so well i exclaimed yes she is well and i pray to god she may always keep well but she would be better if she were out of this climate for a time however we need not decide everything to day now we will wait awhile we	30
will wait a few days and see whether you pull up a little through staying here only don t tell me that you care for me so little that you would rather die here than save yourself by going home the strange story of my life s he said no more about it then but during the next two or three days i thought of nothing else than of what the doctors had said should i really die if i remained in india would the effect of the climate be such that my beautiful flourishing baby girl would and pine away i could see by the way that he watched me that was desperately anxious ought i to do what they wished to yield to older and wiser heads than my own and turn my back upon everything which hitherto had made my life and on the other hand if i consented to go what would become of me must i a g but just nineteen years old go all those thousands of miles to the other side of the world among a people whose ways were not my ways to a country i had never seen i who had not the energy to let my servants dress me and my husband to lift me into my carriage was i to go thousands of miles by land and sea with no one to lean on no one to think for me care for me protect me and on the other hand only the alternative of seeing the world gradually blotted out and all that i loved left standing on the shore from which i was fast receding what a choice to stay with my love and die or to go out alone into the unknown on what was at best only a chance of living the beginning of our journey chapter ix the beginning of our journey it cannot be said that i gained at all in strength during the next two weeks if anything at the end of that time i was weaker and by some strange our little girl began to loose her healthy looks and to get cross irritable and her had the patience of an angel but all the patience in the world could not alter the fact that she was beginning to have trouble with her teeth and that she was what is called getting them hard dr whom we called in to attend to her took me to task in the terms mrs he said it is no use my coming here and pretending to you that a little will set that baby all right the child is suffering from the climate she will not be well as long as she is out here take her home and in all probability she will grow into a strong healthy flourishing child with as good a chance of living as any other but why should she suddenly fail as she has done i exclaimed i don t know why at least i do know because it is what the majority of children do in this climate that child ought to be taken home you ought to go home you must forgive me for speaking to you quite plainly but i think you are exceedingly obstinate and exceedingly towards your husband who is almost beside himself with anxiety and distress one would think he said that england was a land full of and my dear lady you will find nothing there to hurt you or make you unhappy except in the fact that you will be parted from your husband for a little the strange story of my life time if you could put in a in europe would be able to get a decent spell of leave but it is perfectly useless for you to think of holding out as long as that before you or the child go if you do not go this season i don t think either of you will have the chance of going i have thought since that he took advantage of my natural anxiety about the baby to press the necessity of my own case more forcibly upon me little certainly was of that there was no doubt and equally there was no doubt that if i remained in india i should very soon have a change which would have been a final one but i do not now think that the child brought up with care and kept in the hills would have been any the worse for not going home to england as it was then i was more divided against myself than ever i could make up my mind to die that was simple enough but i could not make up my mind to let the child slip through my fingers and yet it was so hard to utter the words which would part me even for a time from my husband at last however suddenly solved the difficulty he said suddenly one day when i was sitting under the watching the child lying feebly in her s arms i have an idea yes and that what well it is a project which will cost money a good deal of money but it will break the long journey to you and make you more satisfied to go home than anything else that i can think of i cannot get leave to go home and stop with you that is utterly out of the question but i could get three months leave to take you home settle you there that is in some nice suitable place in a house of your own and leave you that be a different thing to going home by yourself wouldn t it oh yes i exclaimed eagerly that would be quite different i think i could bear that then he said i will take the necessary steps at the beginning of our journey i once put the	30
case to the powers that be and throw on their mercy i had not very much opinion of the mercy of the powers that happened to be at that time i had always believed the authorities to be without of compassion but full of faith sent in his application and gave his reasons at length for preferring a request for prolonged leave and not a little to my surprise and greatly ti his and the satisfaction of the doctors he was granted a period of four months for the express purpose of taking me home to england there you see he said triumphantly when he brought me the letter announcing the privilege which had been vouchsafed to him there is nothing like asking for what you want and telling the exact truth about it i said how young you were how inexperienced how utterly and what a desperate case of necessity it was so we will pack up our things and we will have a couple of months at home in fine style the only thing is my dearest that the main cost will have to come out of your emergency money that does not matter i exclaimed we put it aside for and surely no emergency could be more or imperative than to save either my life or dear baby s and then i caught the child from her and her close to my breast until she set up a feeble and wailing cry of very decided remonstrance it was wonderful how soon we managed to get our put together and the arrangements made for our long journey personally i did nothing towards helping matters on for with every hour i seemed to get weaker just as seemed to become more and feeble with every moment that passed over our heads still i had given my consent that was the great thing and worked with a will for he was determined that the strange story of my life we should not remain one day longer than was absolutely necessary at first i had been anxious to go back to the at in order to gather together a few things from which i did not wish to be parted even for a few months but absolutely any such idea it is not at all necessary dearest he said promptly i will write immediately and give instructions to have anything you want packed and sent down to to you your ordinary things you won t care for but do you tell me exactly what you want and let me make a list at once that i need not lose a single post after all there were not many things that i really was very much set upon having to take with me my and personal treasures i had in my possession then and all that i really wanted from were some and various odds and ends that had belonged to my father and mother these together with the rest of my wardrobe ordered to be sent down to meet us at and in three days after this we began our journey down country together of course baby s went with us and also my own and s bearer went as far as at that point he thought it would be better to send my own back to her district and to engage for me some english maid who might wish to be going back to europe the journey down me most i tried to complain as little as i could but fear that i succeeded very badly looking back that journey lives in my brains more like a hideous nightmare than a reality through which i actually passed i have a dim recollection of heat frightful thirst misery and inconvenience of all kinds of a little child who grew more lifeless with each hour and of a patient husband with all his anxious soul in his eyes still we did arrive at in due time and there i somewhat revived in the comparative luxury and comfort of the hotel the beginning of our journey where we stayed during the two days which elapsed between our arrival and the departure of the p and o boat by which we were to go to england there was plenty for to do during that two days for he had many arrangements to make for our journey which he had been compelled to leave to the last moment for instance he had to engage me an english maid which was not a matter of such extreme ease after all however he did at last find one who seemed suitable and at the same time capable as a matter of fact she was not a lady s maid but was a professional nurse who had been out to attend upon a young english lady of rank at the birth of her first child was very at having secured her my dear he said i feel quite easy in my mind about you now this is the chance we might have come this journey a dozen times and not happened to meet with a trained nurse who would be able to look after you right until you get to england and indeed for as long after as you choose to keep her she will make all the difference to you and it will be far better for you than having a native who would probably be sea sick and certainly and frightened half the time i was not by any means so myself you see i had never been waited upon by a white person in my life and there seemed to me to be something almost improper in expecting a dignified who was wearing a very smart garb to wait upon me in an sort of way in fact she took me altogether under her protecting wing and really me to such an extent that i was afraid to call my soul my own you	30
a ship on an unknown sea i got up from the long couch upon which i was lying just under the and went across the room towards him what is it i asked he turned and looked at me oh my darling my dearest how am i to tell you how could i foresee that they would be such brutes as this what shall i do what am i to do you have not told me what it is my dear i am recalled to the regiment yes something is wrong the colonel to me all leave stopped return immediately trouble on the frontier we may have received our orders and marched out before you can us do not delay a single moment he said if this had only come a few hours later i should have been beyond recall what am i to do i cannot take you back to that cruel up country journey with every day growing and when every is made for your journey it may seem to you as if i had played you false you i swear to you that this is as great a blow to me as it can possibly be to you don t send me back feeling that you have cut off your last chance of salvation don t take away the child s one hope of living nurse will stick to you until i can join you i will make her promise me whether you are ill or well and you will have you will have the child you will pity me sufficiently not to refuse me this last of comfort the strange story of my life what could i do i said yes it was for my good he had made every arrangement we were on the very eve of starting the eve nay we were on the very point of starting i had no time to think so i said yes i had no time to grieve it seems to me looking back from now that my dazed brain refused to take in the full meaning of what that had conveyed i had not sufficient left to set my wishes in opposition to my husband s to those round about me i believe that i consented i feel sure that i did but it was a consent that was only wrung from me in the of my intense despair i let them do with me as they would i remember clinging desperately to him as if since we had only a brief span of time left together fewer hours than i could count upon the fingers of one hand i would not waste so much as an instant of the time no don t ask me to eat anything was the only definite request that i made to anybody i uttered no parting no farewell kisses upon him i was leaving i was too wretched to make any sign of my intense misery so those two or three hours dragged their short length away and my most distinct remembrance is of going through the great cool hall of the hotel to the carriage which was to take us down to the ship i remember distinctly hearing a tender woman s voice say in pitying accents how very ill that poor young lady looks i suppose she is going home i turned and looked at her she was fresh and strong and bright evidently just out from england she could never have known what a her words sounded to my sad ears going home what a mockery going home rather was i going like a ship on an unknown sea with the length breadth depth and currents of which i was all i was leaving behind me my hold fast upon life my commander my lieutenant my my one stand by a ship on an unknown sea i remember very little about my actual parting with have a distinct recollection that he kept fast hold of me as long as we were left together that he allowed nobody to touch me but carried me himself on board the ship and that he carried me again down to my cabin i remember hearing him talking earnestly to nurse i mean that i was conscious that an earnest conversation was passing between them but oi what he said to her or what she replied to him in solemn truth i grasped nothing i believed that i was dying never before had such overpowering deadly taken possession of me i was conscious of a sharp imperative rap upon the cabin door and of an exceeding bitter cry my my and then i remember absolutely nothing all was utterly and entirely blank until i came to myself to find and nurse bending over me the one pouring something liquid and cold over my clenched hands and the other holding a scented handkerchief to my nostrils where am i what has happened i exclaimed then memory came to my aid and i realized my horrible situation oh let me go back i cannot go i never consented to go not alone i would rather stay in india and die it is not too late put me on shore let me go back i don t mind dying i don t really nurse where is captain she looked at me with infinite pity my dear she said in a very kind and tender voice what you ask is impossible we have already started on our journey no no don t say that don t say it i must say it she said it is true dear lady try to accept it as your fate and believe that it is all for the best your poor husband was so anxious almost beside himself with anxiety his only consolation in leaving you was that it was for your good and to save the child see if i lift	30
you up you can come to the window and have a o the strange story of my life last look at him i he is still standing watching us go she lifted me in her strong arms as if i had been no more than a little child and carried me to the port hole i saw that the shore was fast receding but could distinguish no one from the crowd of watching figures left behind small as the effort was it was too much for me and after straining my eager eyes for a minute or so i fell back again into nurse s arms she was very good to me very wise very judicious she spent a great deal of her vitality in trying to me up into something like life again and i am afraid that i was but a poor and ungrateful of all her skill and care i used to feel and sometimes to say that i should bless her if she would only let me lie still and die quietly at which she would shake her head and reply ah but the husband would he bless me i don t quite think so if you are tired of him mrs he is not tired of you and i promised him that would stay by you and stick to you and do my best for you and that is a promise which i mean to keep come come you have got the of parting over try to count the days now until you meet again we shall never meet again i said one day when she was urging me in this strain i am entirely convinced of that how can i get well when i know not what has happened to him how can i have the think of myself when he is gone into danger on the frontier but it may be entirely a false alarm for anything that you know that danger may be over and your husband may follow you by the very next ship keep a brave heart my dear and hope for the best hope on hope ever that is a fine motto for us all look at the improvement in that dear baby of yours does it not make your mother s heart positively dance to see her taking her food and noticing people and showing off all a ship on an unknown sea l her pretty ways instead of being the lifeless little creature that she was a week ago i don t think nurse i said that my heart will ever dance again there is no dance left in it i have left all my joy all my hope behind me in india if i knew exactly what had happened to my husband i think i should feel different but the uncertainty the suspense oh it is too horrible i don t think you know what i am suffering no my dear i don t for i have never been married she said kindly but still in any case you would like to please him wouldn t you and you cannot please him better than by taking care of yourself by doing everything you can to restore yourself to your proper state of health you ought to think that if you are suffering he is suffering just as badly if not worse and if he has health and strength on his side he has all the pain of knowing that you poor little frail thing have neither the heart nor the strength to battle with your troubles if you had seen his poor face when he had to go leaving you looking like death not knowing indeed whether you would ever come out of that faint or not oh you would have been so sorry for him you would set yourself like a to a task to get strong and well so as to be able to send him a cable the first time that we touch land come now tell me don t you think such a husband is worth making an effort for think what it would be to him if i could send him a word saying both decidedly improved why it would make a new man of him it would put a new heart new life into him he would jump for joy and be ready and willing to bear anything that might happen to come somehow her brave words did serve to put new life into me and for s sake i tried oh i had never tried so hard in my life to do anything to throw off the which threatened to me i made great efforts to get up on deck and there i would lie for is the strange story of my life hours under the trying to take an interest in things that were going on around me i forced myself to eat and drink also though often it went sorely against the grain with me and with every fresh effort that i made did that dear and good woman do her utmost to comfort and to help me me and me as if i were doing something for her benefit rather than for my own sometimes treating me as you would treat a spoiled child and sometimes making believe that i was a rational woman with some hope in her heart instead of being merely a mass of broken nerves heart sick with despair under her strong care it was wonderful how i did improve both in health and in spirits i was lonely wretched home sick heart sick but at the same time i had already begun to look forward to the blessed time when would join me or i should him i had begun like a school girl to count the hours to the holidays i began to take an eager interest in the welfare of the child and certainly little	30
grew and with every day that went over our heads how that good woman did me with odds and ends of food calculated to build up my strength again how is it i said to her one day that you are able to get all these things cooked at all sorts of odd times a woman of my profession she replied briskly understands the use of the feather i never let my go without proper things to eat when they are to be had for the asking but are they to be had for the asking well practically they are i make a friend of the steward well first of all i make a friend of the captain then i make a friend of the steward aiid i tell him that i have a lady in my care who is delicate not ill you know oh no it doesn t do to tell him that passengers at sea are ill he would hate that but somebody who wants feeding up and little attentions and i get him to introduce me to a ship on an unknown sea s one of the and then i explain to the cook what he knows perfectly well that sick cooking is a great trouble that every nurse ought to be able to sick cook beautifully because it takes time and is too for a it always pays to call a cook a with a large number of meals on his hands and then i am soon mistress of a little stove and a couple of little and i have a little store of and and such like things which i without up setting the valuable time of the who has so much responsibility on his hands and then i throw out a hint that there will be a sovereign for somebody at the end of the journey oh these people are very easy to manage she said but they have to be managed in the right way and then the poor patient has to be managed in the right way i suggested well the nurse who wants to her patient with food as you would a crow with medicine is neither more than less than a fool and ought to have her off some nurses you know she went on seem as if they cannot go into a house or into any kind of an establishment without trying how much they can do to upset all the domestic arrangements i am not one of that sort i like to see people sorry when i go and glad if i trouble to show my face again afterwards one hears long tales about nurses being badly treated i never get badly treated i am sure i cried you would never deserve it that is why i never get it now that obliging young below here he has given me two nice little one for things and one for things and never once since we started though i have been down at least four times every day have i given him his back burned or not set to what do you mean by being set to well filling them up with water as soon as you have done with them it makes all the difference when a pan the strange story of my life is done with whether you pop a little water into it or not or whether you leave it to get and hard she turned round and a sailor who happened to be passing what is the fuss john she asked in her brisk pleasant capable voice he told her that we were just nurse turned round and looked at me now i wonder she said in her brisk way i wonder whether we shall have a word from your good husband at all events whether or no we shall have the satisfaction of sending a cable to him my first impressions of home chapter xi my first impressions of home i did receive a message by cable from my husband that day indeed as soon as we touched at it seemed very short but really it was as long as i could reasonably expect it said here no frontier news all anxiety nurse sent off our message to from this place she merely said steadily improving it is no use wasting money she said sensibly because we have no more information than that to give him and of course he will have a letter from you much earlier than you can have one from him i felt more satisfied after i had received s message because if things remained quiet on the frontier and the threatened were there was more than a chance that he would be able to follow us and spend at least some time with us in england i scarcely now that the of parting was over regretted that i had been as it were forced into leaving india it was plain to the meanest observation that the doctors had been right in saying that such a journey would be the making of me with every day i recovered strength and became less of an invalid i do not mean to say that i was well or that i was in anything like a normal condition of health but i was not so terribly shattered and nerve broken as i had been during the last few weeks i was able to take an interest in the child and to talk a little to my fellow passengers and to read and write quite long letters to i used to write lying in my deck chair upon a propped half on my knee and half the strange story of my life upon the arm of my chair though i was only strong enough to do but a few lines at a time so our long journey wore itself away when we reached nurse insisted upon my going on shore	30
and taking a drive she also me into several shops and tried to arouse my interest in that way oh i was very much better than i had been and after we got out of the and into the cooler breezes i picked up my strength in a most wonderful manner why nurse exclaimed to me one day when i was walking on deck captain would hardly know you to think that this brisk young lady is the little creature he carried on board is almost incredible i don t feel like a brisk young lady nurse i said no no but you feel very different to what you did and you look a thousand pounds better while that dear baby is already a perfect picture that was quite true and by the time that we reached our destination i could not shut my eyes to the immense improvement which had taken place in my own appearance i was more like dear father s than i had been at any time since my marriage how well i remember my first sight of english shores of home the home for which i had longed so eagerly all my life what a strange fate it was that i should have come to it alone i had planned so often in my childhood the home coming with my dear mother i had longed to come home with my father and both were lying quietly asleep in their indian graves and would never see their native land again then i had been so resolute in saying that i would never return without my husband and by what a strange accident i had been forced from my resolution and sent across all those weary miles of land and sea to seek health and strength upon the shores of my native land quite alone except for a little child who un my first impressions of home as yet of the difference between one country and another i we reached just at the end of october nd after staying there for a single night went the following day to london on the whole i was disappointed es intensely disappointed i had expected such a grand almost that it would really be paved with gold i had thought to see great palaces and the broad and to see crowds of happy well dressed people up and down as i had been accustomed to see the people and down the different in india and the reality was gloom or the of sunlight and shadow splendid cheek by with sordid dwellings beautiful horses and side by with and donkey carts beggars and each other and mingling with both strange painted women with manners as brazen as their singularly hair it is horrible i said to nurse what a dreadful city what rush what hurry what bustle oh i don t like this london ah you will get used to that she said quietly a hen you have settled down comfortably in your hotel and have had your dinner you will feel more at home and to morrow morning when you see sir he will tell you whether you ought to remain here or where you should go for the best i don t like your london i said vehemently whatever sir says of my health i would not stay in london nurse the smoke the gloom the they are all detestable ah well it is the end of october it is the worst part of the year she said with the indifference of one who is evidently quite used to the general atmosphere see she said looking out that is the national gallery where the strange story of my life all the pictures are it is one of the finest squares in europe yes it is big but very dreary and all the people look like flies walking about i answered i looked out of the cab window l think your london is horrid i said don t judge too hastily said nurse with a laugh nobody sees the best of london on the day of their arrival from anywhere london is best the better you know it i felt but little better satisfied all the same when we reached the hotel to which she had recommended me to go it was not a very imposing building but she said that they knew her and that i should be extremely comfortable there also that it was very quiet and convenient for the west end i suppose it was all these things but i was not used to english ways i felt cold and wretched and made me feel still colder for she shivered and shuddered and her teeth and when at last we got to the hotel instead of finding everything ready for us as we should have done in india we had to wait ever so long before we could be with a private sitting room and even then they seemed to think that it was a most wonderful thing that i should require a fire you will not require fires in your madam said the smart who came to attend to us indeed yes i said indignantly in each bedroom and plenty of wood you do not understand how cold this climate is to anybody just arrived from india you shall have a good supply of coals madam said the with an amused look at poor s brown face and expressive eyes curled herself up to the fire as near as she could very well squeeze and lay there like a dog baby s little blue hands and her to take her milk talking to her in soft and wishing that she were back in her native sunshine again my first impressions of home oh how i did feel the cold the damp the thickness of the atmosphere and shall i ever forget my first experience of a london fog which put in an appearance the	30
story of my life except put in nurse smiling except that he has a preference for the place where madam is ah yes i returned with a quick sigh but then that is natural very natural said sir holding out a kind white hand well now do you stay in london a fortnight let me see the effect of my treatment upon you and then do you get away to and settle yourself there in a nice comfortable little hotel which i will recommend to you the hotel where i send all my we shall soon see if you are not as strong and well as if you had never been in india or had an illness in your life as we drove away down street nurse turned and put a question to me now mrs she said what do you think of sir oh i think he is quite delightful nurse almost too charming he is nice she said half proudly indeed i always feel when i take a patient to sir for the first time that i am not only taking them to a great doctor i am introducing them to a great pleasure there is nobody quite like him you may be a or you may be a charity patient sir s manner is always just the same he takes no more trouble with a than he does with the poor soul who cannot pay even a single fee his kindness is endless his charity unlimited his good heart oh what a heart it is i don t know he went on that i ever knew any human being for whom i have such a boundless respect as i have for sir and i was so hoping that he would send you to it is a dear little place all among orange groves and trees and set on the side of a hill which slopes down to the blue waters of the the air is bright and crisp and the life delightfully free and simple indeed i think there is not such another place in all the wide world my first impressions of home you have been there more than once i asked several times many people go there year after year and those who once get bitten with the love of it always seem to pine for it again it is a little half village half town and quite by what makes most of the big places on the so it is quite simple and primitive quite and yet she said with a smile has a fashion of its own the strange story of my life chapter xii a whole week had gone by since my first interview with sir i was already greatly improved in health and my first dislike of london was beginning to wear away nurse and i used to leave and baby in the hotel to keep as warm as they could by the blazing fire and go off on various errands of business or of pleasure i liked and when i had been to a good fur shop and had bought myself a warm coat i felt quite ready for any kind of climate iii which i might happen to find myself i had instructions to go to sir every third day and every day i had a very special kind of bath which took two hours of the morning while in the i did my for naturally i did not see the good of being in london without taking the chance of buying myself some new and pretty clothing i got through a good deal of money but i enjoyed myself as much as it was possible for me to enjoy anything which was not shared by my husband i had a letter from him during that visit to london written poor dear very soon after our departure and full of regret and anxiety i felt rather like a fraud to think that he was worrying and anxious about me and here was i about london in buying new dresses it did seem hard upon him but i sent him a cable on our arrival and whether extravagant or not i sent him another before i had been in london a week just to say that i was better i wrote to him of course but i did not see the good of his remaining for several weeks in an agony of anxiety when by spending a few shillings i could set his mind absolutely at rest without any delay whatever when i went to sir for the third time he told me that i should be quite able to go to at the end of another week and that i might safely make my arrangements in accordance with that opinion i certainly liked london better than i had done at first but i was delighted at his verdict partly because i was so glad that he really thought me improved in health and partly because i was well pleased at the prospect of getting out of the london atmosphere which tried me terribly i will write to the hotel at once this very day and arrange about our rooms i said to nurse as we drove through square you know i like london much better than i did but i shall be delighted to find myself in sunshine again i cannot think how english people look so well and yet have no sunshine but they do have sunshine said nurse smiling they do have sunshine only not just at this time of the year in spring and in summer london is lovely and people then because they have too much sunlight ah well i like sunshine all the year round i shall be delighted to find myself at i cried she was silent for a minute or two then she looked at me half hesitatingly mrs she said you have relations in england yes i have some	30
relations cousins and such like but i have never seen them and i have never had any communication with them whatever they are the same as nothing to me but your husband he has relations he told me at the last moment just as we left that if i was in urgent need of consultation that is to say meaning if you should be dying or anything of that kind that i was to write or telegraph to his mother or to his uncle lord are you going abroad without seeing either of them i felt myself all over i have no desire to see the strange story of my life either my mother in law or lord nurse i said quietly if i had been at any time in a dying condition it would of course have been best for you to carry out my husband s instructions which were however meant only to be followed in case of dire emergency of my own free will i shall never meet mrs my mother in law she has not been nice to me she has not been nice to her son in the matter of his marriage she is not a nice woman i have no desire to see her and i don t think that she has the smallest desire to see me besides that she does not live in or near london she lives in i believe it is a very long journey yes it is a long journey but lord possibly he may be in london she suggested i have no wish to see lord i want to see nobody i am quite a stranger and alone pray do not say anything more about it nothing would induce me to go near any of these people i see she murmured excuse me for speaking of it pray i had no wish to into your private affairs it was only that i wanted to remind you that if we are going to in a week s time you have but little chance before you of paying or receiving visits oh that is all right nurse you are most kind to me i cried i put my hand upon hers because she had been so good so anxious about me so more than careful of my interests that i would not have hurt her feelings or have appeared to her for the whole world captain will not expect me to go near his people i went on you see they have not been quite as nice to me at least his mother has not been quite as nice to me as she might have been as for his sake she might have been i added and it will be time enough for me to meet them when he returns home by myself i shall never go near any of them nurse said no more on the subject neither did i the week went by sir expressed himself completely satisfied with my progress and on the day that we had originally appointed we turned our backs upon london and set our faces towards the blue waters of the i found all and indeed more than nurse had claimed for it it was as she had said a of a place set like a nest on the side of a hill with quaint little streets quaint picturesque houses hidden in groves of orange and trees bathed in sunshine and the most cheerful little place that i had ever been in the blue waters of the were an everlasting charm to me and used to sit herself and baby with every expression of satisfaction on her lips and in her dark eyes i found the little hotel to which sir had recommended us extremely and comfortable something more than comfortable he had called it a little hotel but it was not in reality a very small place but was indeed a long low rambling building standing in a beautiful well kept garden and having various and attached to it it was in one of these which communicated with the garden tliat we had our of apartments which consisted of a charming sitting room and three fine and airy it was not cheap oh dear no but then as i said to when writing to him and describing the exact details of our every day life where would have been the advantage of saving a few pounds at the expense of my health which we were so anxious to completely restore and apart from the actual cost of living our expenses were very small and our life quite simple i spent a good deal of time about the gardens and the quaint little streets of i made at the hotel just friends in passing without any great intimacy on either side and nurse and i used to share their the strange story of my life drives and their little excursions in the immediate neighborhood i if captain does get leave said nurse to me one morning when i had received a letter from in which he spoke of matters on the frontier having down a good deal and that there was more than a chance he might be able to join me after all he will scarcely believe that it is really you that he will find here you know mrs it is a great extravagance keeping me any longer because am really of no use to you now oh don t leave me i cried i am getting better but i should run down again to a certainty if you were not here you act as a check upon me you are the last link with my husband and i feel more safe about baby whilst you are here don t even speak of going away you can t want to go away i answered almost no no i don t want to go away	30
but i am thinking of the expense to you oh well i am better and i don t mind the little expense if my health is quite restored i am getting on fast nurse but i shall not get on fast if you go away i prefer you to stop then of course i will stop she said promptly i don t generally like an idle hfe or to remain longer with a patient than there is actual need of my services but i am very happy here with you and i am quite content to remain as long as you think i can do you the smallest good by the bye she remarked in a different tone you know that there are some new people come this morning no i did not know it who are they it is an princess a sweet looking elderly lady with an invalid daughter such a string of people they have brought with them such a string of people they have taken the royal on the first floor but if the young lady finds the noise too much they are going into the villa as soon as it is vacant and what is the matter with the daughter i asked a kind of fading away from what i could gather nurse replied i saw her helped out of the carriage she looks very ill is she young oh yes quite young not thirty i should say though you never can tell with perhaps not more than seven or eight and twenty poor thing i said with a sigh ah well she could not come to a sweeter place than this and i don t know if it would not be easier dying in such a sweet spot than in some great gloomy city i don t think the place makes much difference when you get to that said nurse most people when they come to die care very little about it one way or the other in all my experience of nursing she went on i have never in my life once seen any fear of death with those who go sharply after quick they know very little about the end and those who go slowly get so physically worn out that they do not care much which way it goes with them yes that was how i felt when i left india i replied i would much rather have stayed there quietly and died comfortably than have come over here alone and got well as i have done but you are glad now she said in her bright decided way oh yes i am glad now for my husband s sake because he will be so happy to have me strong and well again and of course there is baby to think of for her sake as well as for his i am more than glad that i made the effort or rather i added with a smile that you and captain made it for me yes yes i knew you would feel like that she said in a tone of much satisfaction v the strange story of my life i did not see the princess or her invalid daughter for more than a week after their arrival at the hotel des i heard through nurse that the invalid princess as they called her was suffering from the effects of her journey then she told me that the princess herself had been for a walk in the gardens and that princess was going out in a later on a few days after this i saw the two ladies the younger one being wheeled in an invalid chair by a very tall man nt while her mother walked beside her it was only a passing glimpse that i caught of them the invalid struck me as being very sweet looking but very fragile and the mother was tall and of a distinguished appearance with an imperious carriage of head and throat with that sweet yet proud expression of eyes and face which somehow one to associate with the and very seldom finds in that class when one is brought into contact with it i was conscious from the mere glance i had in passing that both were dressed that the servant wore a very elaborate livery that they were people of great wealth as well as of position from time to time i met them about the gardens but they did not in any way associate with the other inmates of the hotel they were quite the richest and the most important people among the guests and as they were extremely exclusive and made no advances towards a single soul naturally nobody among the guests was able to make their acquaintance i used to hear the latest news of princess through nurse who quickly made the acquaintance of the english trained nurse in attendance upon her the young princess is a little better to day she used to say to me when she came to my room in the morning i saw her nurse just now she has had a better night and feels very much refreshed t don t believe that they will pull her through and yet if any place loi in the world will restore her to health and strength is that place ah here is well how is your charge this morning it happened that s english was exceedingly limited in quantity so instead of answering nurse other than by a smile she addressed herself to me is not very well this morning she informed me would the order nurse to come in and see her nurse i said turning to her is anxious about baby do go in and see what is the matter y v i the strange story of my life chapter stricken when nurse came back to my room after visiting baby she was inclined to make light of her oh there is	30
nothing the matter with the child she said that her so much that she is over anxious she has had a night but what child that is does not sometimes have that it would be just as well if the doctor sees her when he comes to you this morning but you must not be surprised at her age if she does ail from time to time and is anxious nurse s words proved to be true the doctor pronounced that little was slightly upset over a tooth that was in process of making its way through her but beyond a simple powder he did nothing and he bade us not have any anxiety about her for several weeks this kind of health remained the child s portion she got each tooth with a certain amount of trouble and with a good deal of but she did not lose weight and she certainly generally i had grown thoroughly accustomed to my life at before i had any definite news of my husband i do not mean that i did not hear from him that i did every mail but until this letter he sent me no definite news of his plans the trouble on the frontier had not down so effectually as to allow him to have leave to join me in europe on the contrary i eventually received the news that he had got his orders for the expedition and was to start immediately before you receive this i shall be actually at the front he wrote i have not the news to you because i io shall be in no more danger than if i were still at you will understand my dearest he added that in all active service no news is good news if any harm should happen to me you will hear it soon enough so if you do not have my letters quite regularly you are not to fret yourself to and think that i am dead and done for if anything happens to me you will know it within a few hours write to me as often as you can tell me all the news that you have and i shall expect your assurance in each letter that you are not and and wearing yourself to a shadow with anxiety keep all your energies for getting well and thinking of the blessed time when we shall be together again it was all very well to say that to bid me neither nor worry but woman who loved her husband as i loved my could know that he had gone to the front on a dangerous expedition and yet go on enjoying herself as if nothing out of the common had happened not i for one the receipt of his letter was a terrible shock to me and my health fell away with alarming rapidity it was just as well said nurse a few days after i had received the news of s whereabouts that you did so resolutely keep me here i am afraid that you are not as thoroughly established in health as you might be since this news has so completely you and thrown you back again but you must be brave you must make an effort you must think of the husband who is always thinking of you and of the child who may one day need you far more than she does now now i have got a nice little cup of strong it is something quite superior to the ordinary wash they give you in this part of the world and i want you to dispose of it at once i was like a child in her hands i had to do what she told me and i drank the strong which i disliked intensely as i would have taken some draught of medicine at her hands but i did not recover my strength quite as well as she desired me to do and my i the strange story of my life anxiety about my husband was increased by my as to little who seemed by this time to be losing strength with every hour and to be once more into the pitiable state in which we had brought her from india about this time too the neighborhood of was greatly disturbed by of an kind of low fever which seemed to be the entire district at that time of day had not set its seal upon the world but i have often thought since that surely did not in truth come from russia but from that particular neighborhood of which was the i think we ought to move on mrs nurse said to me one day when i was sitting out under the orange trees watching the child lying still and in s arms yes but where shall we go i asked i will make inquiries i feel suspicious about this place i see so many children playing about the village who look as this baby looks not so much definitely ill as and transparent in two or three cases i have stopped and asked the mothers what the child always to receive the same answer an indefinite allusion to the fever as if was quite a common complaint among them i fancy there is something wrong with the and the general health of the place i should like to move on the question is where i said anxiously i will make inquiries said nurse in her definite and decided tones the result of her inquiries was to assure us that the only healthy spot for miles around was she appealed to the doctor and the doctor told her that many had been off to from the other towns and that they had brought with them a certain stricken i amount of an indefinite kind of which was troubling the entire do you think i said to him when he had given us	30
this piece of information that i should be wiser if i took baby to england or quite away from the because i am now well enough to live anywhere for a time at all events and she is the most important patient of the two for a moment or so he did not reply i saw nurse look at him anxiously and with an indescribable manner which told me somehow that his reply was a conclusion mrs he said in a low voice i don t want to frighten you i don t believe in breaking down people s hopes particularly a mother who has as you have at present the sole care of a child an only child and other anxious troubles besides but indeed i cannot recommend you to take that child a long journey in her present state of health it is a very bad time of the year for the child is exceedingly delicate and her system has been a good deal by this continued fever i don t think you would succeed in getting her to england alive and believe me to leave this place you would have to travel through districts which are far more seriously than i cannot advise you to take her away just at present i mean this he said hastily before i had time to speak and if it were my own wife whom i were about our own child i would give to her the same advice that i am now giving to you you are safer here the child has a better chance here than she would or could have by being moved just at this juncture then i said looking at nurse that settles the question here we will remain i thought she a little disappointed there is no place higher up no place within easy reach she said looking at the doctor i the strange story of my life has the bill of health for at least fifty miles around he made reply mrs i will not hide from you the great danger that you i am your you know you must feel that i would not deceive you or lie to you for any consideration in the world but believe me you are safer here than you would be in leaving and the child has a better chance what could i do in the face of such advice as this it would have seemed like flying in the face of providence if i had done as nurse plainly and wished me to do that is pack up my and leave immediately i do not think although i was so much better in health that i had ever felt so helpless as i did on that day i felt as if i had no will power of my own i felt as if i was caught like a bird in a trap like a fly in a spider s web i could only lean on these two strong natures and they were opposed to each other i wish said nurse when the doctor had taken his leave of me i wish that he had said differently i should like to get you away from this place i feel nervous and uneasy both about you and the child but the doctor gave chapter and verse i said to her he gave us good reasons i could not take upon myself to carry a sick child on such a long journey at this time of the year when the doctor had warned me that it would probably be her death and he did nurse he was quite positive about it think what it would be in england now with the east winds blowing and and shuddering and the poor child with of the lungs or something of that kind why she would not have a chance even if she got there alive no i would not take her to england but there are other places besides england to which we might have gone we might have gone over the border into italy and found some healthy spot where we should have free of this this which nobody seems to understand stricken i yes that is true enough i said if we had gone in the first instance but as dr said we have to get through a large district that is much more full of than you know nurse does stand high yes yes it stands high but i wish we stood somewhere else she said anxiously for a few days after this my baby rallied wonderfully and became quite bright again a mother s heart catches eagerly at any sign of improvement in a sick child and i felt oh so gay so glad to think i had done the right thing in following the doctor s wishes so thankful so joyous i almost forgot that my husband had gone off on an expedition of the danger and that we were by no means out of the wood yet you see nurse i said triumphantly the doctor was right she is pulling up beautifully why look at her she looks quite herself again yes yes i was only anxious for your sake and hers and thankful am i to see the smallest sign of improvement in her mrs said nurse promptly there was nothing mean petty or small about nurse s character she frankly owned herself wrong and admitted the fact with cheerfulness and i had no letter from by that mail in the english papers i saw some small and accounts that a certain expedition had been sent to it gave no details spoke of it as one of those petty wars which are of no account and only laid stress upon the necessity of teaching the hill tribes of the district a sharp lesson which they would not forget in a hurry ay but those sharp lessons often cost very	30
dear to those who teach them i am afraid soldier s daughter and wife as i was that at that moment i would cheerfully and gladly have left the hill tribes of the district to do what they would so long as my nearest and dearest were out of their reach i had often heard it said that women have io the strange story of my life no true that they have but a small love of duty that they can never the detail of personal feeling from a general idea of honor and glory and assuredly i had none of these feelings and never could feel in sympathy with those wives of time who had urged their men folk on to doing great deeds against desperate odds i felt no pride that my husband had gone to the front on an exceedingly dangerous expedition and that he might come back covered with glory and and even with a title oh dear no i would have all earthly honors and all the of history to have had him safe and sound even in little it was not many days after this that my new born hopes about baby and the safety of all died out nurse i said to her one day you are getting and uneasy about something what is it don t keep me in the dark if you have any news my mind had gone instinctively out to the husband from whom i had not heard by the last mail tell me i went on have you had news from india don t keep anything back from me it would be mistaken kindness to do so oh no mrs she replied i have had no news from india i should not keep it a moment if i had even if it was the very worst that could happen i am uneasy and nervous it is no use pretending otherwise since you have observed it they tell me that the fever whatever it is is very much worse and that itself is getting more with every hour that poor young princess is very ill they don t think that she will leave this place alive and one of her english nurses died yesterday what i exclaimed yes it has been hushed up they don t want the people to know but she died of the fever it is like a plague i have never seen anything like it in all my ex stricken i it seems to steal upon people unobserved to sap their strength and then they are gone like a snap of the fingers i cannot make it out i have never seen anything like it the only thing to do with baby is to keep her in the hotel and the gardens don t let set foot outside the gates we know that the hotel is better than the in the village at least it is likely to be better in the usual course of things and we must watch the child and you day and night after all she added it is a great thing that she is keeping as well as she seems to be what are the people in the hotel saying i asked oh the landlord is pitiable about it quite abject i met him this morning and i spoke to him of the dreadful state of affairs all round and poor soul the tears came into his eyes and he said it was a judgment upon but he could not tell what had done these southern people are so superstitious she ended with a half contemptuous smile but alas alas with all our care with all our precautions our hopes our we did not succeed in keeping the dread enemy at bay another week went by a week in which my little seemed to pale and and like a plant that is denied light and water then there was a few hours increase of fever and we three so widely different nurse and i but all alike in our love and our anxiety stood gazing down upon a little form from which the spark of life had fled for ever it was all over i had no child now i had done my best i had struggled through the bad time more for s sake and for the child s than for my own and this was the end of it i was a mother broken sick and practically alone upon a foreign shore with a husband who carried his life in his hand and that upon the other side of the world and i was not yet twenty years old no the strange story of my life chapter xiv the princess i was very ill for many days after my baby was taken away all the arrangements for her little funeral were of necessity left to nurse who came and sat by my couch and told me in her kind and tender voice which i had not previously in my admiration for her of character thought it would be possible to to such gentle and subdued accents all the arrangements which she had made on my behalf she had chosen my little darling s last sleeping place on a sunny slope of the high up the so that she would lie forever in the golden sunlight which had mostly been her portion during her short on this earth the lovely scented of the rose trees which bloom all over the will shower down upon her nurse said holding my hand in hers no little child could have a more fitting place in which to lie she ended gently i heard all that she had to tell i had no tears i did not weep and wail and fret and cry as some young mothers would have done my grief was beyond that i met the princess this morning nurse	30
continued she had come out into the garden to get a breath of air before going to lie down she had been up most of the night with her daughter and her daughter how is she i asked very very ill the princess stopped and asked after you she bade me say that she was sorry for your loss and that she so much with you she told me that she had sent for some flowers for you late that evening nurse brought me a great the princess ill loosely tied bunch of pure white blossoms all sweet scented and fresh as the day with a visiting card attached to the end of one of the broad white with which the was tied it bore the name and of the princess and at the very top was written in a delicate pointed hand with heart felt sympathy from an anxious mother nothing so far had touched me so much as this message from one who was watching her only daughter quietly fading away one who had everything that wealth skill and love could do at lier command and who was yet as powerless to stay the dread blow so fast approaching as i had been in the case of my little child with only her babe s feeble hold upon life i think that every lady in the hotel must have sent me flowers that evening when they carried my little away the tiny upon which her little white coffin lay was so heaped up with pure white blossoms that the silken covering which it was in reality not needed put the princess s flowers with my own was the only instruction that i gave so i let them take her away the child i had come so ar to save the child who was lost to me so far as this world goes for ever some days went by before i was able to leave my sofa and get out into the air again even then i was good for so little and had so little reserve of strength that i was obliged to avail myself of an invalid chair poor heart broken was pushing it along a secluded pathway one day and nurse was walking beside me when we came suddenly upon the princess who was walking alone having evidently just come out of her apartments for a breath of the cool morning air she stopped on seeing us and held out her hand to me such a slim white refined hand just a match for her delicate high bred face she addressed me in very good english and though she said little about my loss yet contrived to the strange story of my life make me feel that she had real sympathy with me i have thought of you so often during these past few days she said because you know my heart is aching with the same sorrow which has torn yours so cruelly i cannot hope ever to take my only daughter away from this spot where we have hoped such great things might be done for her if we could have got away a month ago there might have been a chance a poor chance and yet one at which we would have caught so eagerly as it is this terrible fever has her in its and it has become a question of how long her strength will hold out against it nothing more than that i knew not what to say i was very young and i was broken down by my own troubles i think i just held her hand and listened while the tears ran down my face in mute sympathy which perhaps needed no words i tried when i found my voice to thank her for the exquisite flowers that she had sent me and for the sympathy which she had expressed for me then nurse asked in her direct simple and frank way whether she had succeeded in the nurse whom they had lost the princess told her no that the remaining nurse was almost worn out and that her own maids were doing their best to take her place but she said in her sweet sad voice they are french women their cleverness consists in making one s toilet not in sick nursing and nurse and i have to do the best we can between us i looked at nurse and nurse looked at me a question in both our eyes and hovering upon both our lips then i nodded to her and she said oh madame if i could be of any use to you mrs would not miss me very much she has the at her disposal oh i could not take your one comfort away from you cried the princess instantly pray don t speak of it like that nurse is a comfort i cried i don t deny it but it will be a greater comfort to me to feel that she is with you in this the princess ii sore strait and besides i can see her sometimes and i have who has been with me ever since my little child was born understands me she can do everything that i require i am not ill madame only troubled in heart and mind pray if nurse will be of the very smallest comfort to you take her as freely and as i give her to you as i know and i feel from your message and your kindness to me you would have given her to me for a moment i think that the princess was tempted to refuse our offer then she suddenly bent down and taking both my hands kissed me upon either cheek i can never repay you she said no words no actions of mine could ever make you feel how grateful how intensely grateful i am to you but your mother s heart will	30
tell you more than my lips could possibly do she kissed me again then turned and clasped nurse s hand in hers come round to my rooms she said in a choking voice and then drawing the fine with which her head and shoulders were enveloped still more closely round her she turned abruptly and left us you don t mind you quite understood me nurse exclaimed turning towards me when we had watched the straight slim black figure disappear along the alley of trees oh yes nurse i quite understood my need of you is over can do everything that i require and after all i am not ill i am not like that poor girl who is actually at death s door i am afraid nurse i said presently that you have another sad experience before you you cannot hope to be more than an to her that is a great deal when you come to the end she rejoined so she left me and took up her new charge spending all her time with the princess and her sick daughter of course she was still my nurse i had only lent her for the moment to these strangers who were in the strange story of my life ble as i was she slept in her own room the room next to mine and she came in and out when she was off duty always full of the sweetness and of the lady s character always full of the unspeakable resignation and patience of the princess i have always heard she said that the nobility were so eaten alive with pride they may be so but it is a different kind of pride to what we call such these ladies may be proud they may be too proud to know people who have made their money in and who have soiled their fingers by all sorts of and transactions but in life they are delightful so simple so charming so homely and yet of such dignity it is a pleasure to be with them to associate with them those two french maids she added in a different tone are not up to very much they may be good in their own line they may be able to dress their ladies well and take care of but in an emergency they are not worth their salt i thought they had done their best i said in surprise yes so they say and a very poor best it is there is a creature called princess s own maid who has been three years with her she has no more idea how to dress an invalid s hair than she would have as to how one should groom a horse she has no more idea how to make her comfortable how to settle her and refresh her than a child she is not very young but her only idea of making the poor thing s toilet is to bring her a lot of and face and such like and then to get curling and curl her fringe up idiot forgive me mrs for my mind of all this out to you but i cannot say anything there princess is filled with an idea that is the most devoted creature on the face of the earth i call a fool but all the same is a perfect marvel of wisdom in comparison with the other idiot who the princess ii waits upon madame herself talk about french women being and domestic and homely this precious pair are fit for i asked yesterday if she would fetch a wrap for madame who was sitting on the balcony and who had just gone out from her daughter s room with every probability of getting a chill and a severe attack of fever she went and fetched a thing that would have done to go to the opera in a thing all point lace and glittering that rattled and feathers and satin and such like i looked at nurse went on and out of the room abashed oh i think she was ashamed of herself yes of course it is something to make a feel that she has shown an appalling want of sense i went to the door and i said if you will bring your lady something soft and which will keep her warm without making a noise you can put that thing away she brought a very nice shawl and i wrapped the poor lady carefully in it to her extreme gratification and princess how is she to day i asked very ill i don t think the end can be very far off now she is so thin so transparent so so lifeless and mrs she is very anxious to see you to see me i ejaculated she says you have saved her mother so much anxiety and added so much to her comfort by giving me up to her it is no use to tell her that i was really unnecessary to you she won t believe that she asked me if i would say to you with her compliments that it would give her the greatest pleasure if you would pay her a visit if only for a few minutes she said say to the english lady that i am not very strong and i cannot talk for long but i would like to have half a dozen words with her i am too weak to write but i can express myself with a look i told her poor thing that i knew you would come i have talked to her a good deal about you and your anxiety about your husband of your pluck and have told her il the strange story of my life over and over again of how he came down to with you how ill you were how unwilling to leave him how distressed he was when he received his message of	30
ah she said with a sigh i would that i could take you both away back to our home in it is bleak there in the winter that was why we left it but we have no fever i thought as the words fell from her lips that if they did not have fever they had other things quite as deadly but it was of no use saying it so i held my peace if it would be of any service to you to go there now to take your and make it your home she said eagerly indeed my dear mrs the castle is absolutely at your disposal only you would be alone for my son has been away for many months now upon a long hunting expedition truly i hardly know where he knows nothing so far of the trouble we are in i mean of the grave danger that his sister of course he knew that we were to spend the winter in that was arranged at the same time as his long journey was planned out i thanked her very gratefully for her kind thought but said that i preferred to stay in rather than face the loneliness of a place where i should know nobody and could not even speak the language of the people about me so i remained on in spending the greater news from part of my day in helping to put the time on the time that was so weary and so distressing for the dying young princess i heard twice from whilst i was thus occupied both letters written in ignorance of our little child s death both very full of the every day events around him speaking of the difficulty of making war against these hardy tribes who had the advantage over the british and even the native troops inasmuch as they were at home in the district both letters spoke of the extreme that they were and of the poor arrangements which the authorities had made for their safety and their well being if it were not for our doctors wrote in his second letter i really do not know how the poor devils of would come off their devotion is beyond all praise and their pluck something what do you think of the gay lady who was always around a regular squire of making beef tea and mutton with his own hands for his and yet i see him do it day after day i never thought had it in him he is a regular brick and no mistake about it the letter went on to tell how rejoiced he was to think that we his two precious were actually in europe safe and well and recovered from all immediate danger when i remember he ended how resolute you were in refusing to go away and how wonderfully it all came about that you should go in spite of yourself for you know dearest i could never have forced you to do anything against your will i can only think that a merciful providence to help us both at that juncture you don t know how often i have thought of your resolute determination not to leave me you will never understand how intensely i loved you for being unwilling to do so and i don t think you will ever realize how utterly grateful i am to think that you were made to the strange story of my life go in spite of yourself i feel that the same providence which has watched over you and brought you and the dear child to renewed health and safety will watch over the fate of your always loving and devoted husband at the same time i do nothing i take care of myself i run no unnecessary only do that every time that i myself i say in my own heart it is for loves me would miss me i must watch over myself for her sake somehow that letter comforted me more than any letter that i had received from since our parting it seemed to bring him nearer to me true he did not know as yet that we were but i was comforted to know that he was always thinking about us as i was always thinking about him princess put the same question to me every day have you news of your husband and when i told her that t had received that last letter of his that i had just heard from him that he was well in good health and taking care of himself her sweet face was by a smile which told me as nothing else would have done that i had indeed won my way deep into her heart poor thing she was so ill that day oh so ill so full of fever and yet so thoroughly exhausted my heart ached for her more than ever as the season advanced the severity of the slowly and surely increased those who were able to leave had flown from the district but those who were unable to face a long journey or unable to leave from other reasons found themselves like rats in a trap was not the worst of the fever stricken towns in the district but it was more than bad enough every day familiar faces disappeared sisters of mercy went to and fro throughout the town and we who were in fair health were conscious without knowing the actual facts that an unusual disturbance was abroad strange and came to us news from of those who had slipped away to other and less dangerous places who had been refused lest they should carry the fever in their train others who had fled elsewhere for safety had found themselves literally out of the pan into the fire had found themselves from a town with a comparatively clean bill	30
get through before we could leave in those days the last sad offices for the dead were very quickly carried out there was no time for sentiment as soon as they could be decently out of sight and out of harm s way the poor worn out remains of those who had died of the deadly which was fast the entire neighborhood were carried up to the on the so on the second evening after the princess s death she was carried out of the hotel which had been her last home on earth and laid close beside my little child on board the i under the rose trees and the blossoms in the sunny there was not the same profusion of flowers lying upon her as had been sent for my baby girl those who were left at were much too nervous too full of fear to trouble about those who had been taken i remembered that when they had carried my little child out of the villa in which she had died the landlord himself had been waiting at the door and that i had seen him salute the little coffin and that he had stood until it was out of sight when i held the princess hand as we paced behind the daughter s there was no landlord to be seen where was the landlord nurse i said to nurse afterwards she looked at me with a very mournful expression poor fellow she said he died this morning oh you don t say so and his poor she knows nothing about it his wife has been unconscious for some hours i don t think she will get over it who is nursing them well mrs she said we nurses are accustomed to carrying our lives in our hands as soon as we had rested after the princess death we agreed with the princess herself that we should take charge of the sick in the hotel we are doing so at her expense i don t think that nurse is quite fitted to take up any more cases but she is very courageous and determined not to give in for myself i never felt better in my life and i shall remain here until there are no more sick to nurse or until i go with the others but you are going with us to no i am not i am coming after you to when my work here is finished no don t say anything mrs she went on laying her hands on my wrists and looking at me with her wonderful direct steadfast the strange story of my life gaze don t say anything i never turned my back on my duty in my life but it is not your duty your duty is to me no you are not ill and you have who can do anything that you want you will be safe enough once you are on board the i will come to you as soon as i have got through my work here it was no use arguing with her my arguments had never prevailed with nurse and i knew that they never would she had made up her mind to remain in fever stricken as it was she had promised to come out to as soon as she was free to do so that is to say as soon as her conscience had declared her free to do so and with that promise i was fain to be content so she left me and took up her brave way by herself i never saw nurse again i shall never forget her as she stood at the gate of the hotel garden watching us go she so brave and strong and fresh so and so placid the most like to the of any human being that i had ever seen i shall write to you when i have time was her last farewell i shall turn up again in your life like the bad shilling naught you know was never in danger and you will send on any letters that come for me nurse i said oh yes most assuredly it shall be my first care do you think i would let you be disappointed of a letter from him by so much as a single post no no mrs i with you and i admire you and love you too much for that you shall have your letters all right you have written to tell the husband of your plans oh yes of course i have done that i cried half indignantly i have done everything i could think of during this morning i have left as little to trouble you as i possibly could by the bye nurse you never told me how it had with madame on board the poor soul said nurse her face falling poor soul they have not been parted very long i don t know who will carry on the hotel or what will become of the children but i shall do my best for them you mean that she is gone yes she has gone and mrs she drew me on one side if you have the chance of shipping that of yours back to her own country again you had better do it she looks to me very pinched and strange if i were you i would get the princess to stop at and i would just put that lady on board the first p and o boat whether you find her a or not i would send her back again without the delay of a single steamer you don t think that i don t think looks well mrs if i were you i would send her home again you will quite readily find a european maid to suit you and she poor soul will not be really well until she is back in india again i think that	30
is everything i have to say to you no don t kiss me it is kind of you and i love you for it i have loved you very dearly since i have been looking after you very dearly but i will kiss you when i meet you in i will kiss you twenty times then if you will let me to day i don t think you would be any the better for it so i will ask you to say good bye to me without it she came to the side of the carriage talking and cheerfully all the time and with a last promise that when her work was done she would come straight to she bade us her last farewell as i said i never saw nurse again i never saw the brave gray eyes the firm smiling mouth or felt again the touch of the cool capable hands of that noble woman whom we left behind in fever stricken nurse never finished her work there on the contrary the work finished her but here i am running on a little too fast to go on with my story as it all happened the princess the strange story of my life and i within an hour and a half of leaving the hotel des found ourselves on board the which was lying a mile or so from shore in harbor when i first set foot upon her clean white decks i felt as if a new life had opened out before me a strange sense of safety came rushing over me and yet my eyes turned instinctively back to the on the where the princess and i had left behind us the dearest and sweetest tokens of our earthly pilgrimage well it was no use looking back no use there were those on earth to think of to live for to consider i turned away to see poor wretch leaning over the side of the vessel her black eyes fixed upon little grave her slight frame shaken by sobs her dusky face with grief i was about to go across and speak to her when a touch from the hand of the princess stopped me better leave her alone she murmured happier are those who can weep you and i have no tears how much better we should be if we had by and by when she was more calm i sounded her as to the of our asking the princess to call at that she might be transferred to the first p and o boat and conveyed back to her own country to my intense surprise she implored me not to send her away declared that she did not feel the european climate in the least that she was practically and that she had no desire to go back to the very few relations that she possessed it will be time for me to go back to india when you go she entreated me with the tears streaming down her face don t send me away by and by there may be another and then you will be glad of poor who loved with all her heart don t send me away she cried it is bad enough as it is what could i do it made no difference to the princess whether i took with me an an english maid or a french one there was no difficulty about our pass on board the ports for the princess was made out for entire and she did not trouble to explain to those who had the important looking that i was not the princess or that was not the english nurse whom she had brought into with her the number of people was the same and in those days of almost universal scare that was more than sufficient so we went on towards the not hurrying on our way hoping that we might have a clean bill of health that is to say that we might have passed the prescribed number of days without any outbreak of sickness which were necessary ere we could touch at any port without having to undergo a long we had arranged before leaving that we should call for letters at but without attempting to land which was just as well for we should not have been permitted to do so but we did contrive to get our letters and a of english papers sent out to us among the letters was one for me from complaining bitterly that he had not heard from me for several i know of course darling he wrote that all the arrangements out here are just still when i miss hearing from you i am always desperately anxious and uneasy if anything goes wrong i would rather that you sent me a cable i should have a better chance perhaps of getting it than of receiving a mere letter so he did not yet know of the child s death something had gone wrong and i at sea in a that was not permitted to touch at any port excepting to receive letters thrown to us in a bag at the end of a rope had no chance of the news that i had to tell and what would have been the good i made up my mind that i would send him a message from where we were to stop and where we should be comparatively free if our bill of health was clean yes i would do that but when we got to i had no longer any idea of carrying that plan into execution i received two terrible the strange story of my life pieces of news one came in a letter written by a french sister of mercy telling me that nurse had suddenly been stricken down with the fever and was dead the other was contained in the english newspapers and told me with plain distinctness	30
that i was a widow a chapter xvii i a widow the news of my great loss came to me and was in a measure broken by the way in which i read the newspapers which contained it naturally we received a complete of english papers those of more than a week past and by the merest chance i happened to open the one which was of the oldest date as i spread the sheet the first words that caught my eye were standing out in bold black letters at the head of a column the expedition sharp brush with the enemy for a minute or two i was so stunned that i was afraid to look down the column it was just one of the usual in which such incidents are told it described how the had attempted to take the english camp by surprise how our men had been prepared and had forth in the most brilliant style completely the attacking party and dealing out death and destruction in superb and style our it ended are very small captain the honorable edward and four men of the rd killed seventeen wounded including two officers captain severely wounded and lieutenant of the same regiment slightly wounded among the native troops twenty three none of a serious character reported i never thought of looking at the other papers i sat there holding the one which had brought the fatal news in my hand and so the princess found me some little time later my dear my child what has happened she asked the strange story of my life i turned my face towards her she must have guessed my news from the pitiful cry which broke from her lips she dropped down beside me and putting her arm about me drew the paper from my grasp while she eagerly the column my poor child oh my poor child it is hard upon you she exclaimed in tender and pitiful accents what shall we do shall we go straight back to and take the first indian steamer from there my poor child what can i say to comfort you what could she say simply nothing i tried to picture what my poor boy was suffering and bearing alone without a woman s hand near him wounded in that hateful mountain district i tried to calculate how long a time must pass before by the greatest good luck i could possibly reach him but my brain was whirling and refused to act i could only realize in a dazed and hopeless fashion that the blow which i had been had fallen that i was face to face for the first time in my life with the horrors of the career which had hitherto been my pride the princess still keeping her arm about my shoulders began to turn over the other papers my dear she said you may have further news this is an old paper here are some of a week s later date she released me that she might the more quickly turn the sheets over no news in that she said laying it down nor in that putting down the next one then she uttered an exclamation short and sharp ah i looked up eagerly she turned and looked at me my poor girl my dear child she said i put my hands before my eyes trying to shut out the hideous news which i saw written on her kind and tender face don t tell me i said and yet what was the good of keeping it i knew she was very kind and wise with me she sat there beside me holding me fast in her rocking me slowly a widow to and fro and murmuring over me as a mother might murmur over a wounded child my own mother could not have been more tender or more sympathetic and at last after a long time i whispered when was it little by little she told me all the sad details details did i say well such details as are given in a war despatch captain died of his wounds at daybreak yesterday it was hours before i could bring myself to read the words with my own eyes the fatal words which conveyed to me that i was indeed alone in the world a widow a woman scarce yet a woman grown the light of whose life had gone out whose sun of hope had been suddenly drowned drowned in tears of despair and yet i had no tears i never shed one single drop of comfort for the best and dearest husband that ever woman was blessed with i don t think that i quite knew what i was doing i have a recollection that the princess asked me again whether i would like the to its course and to go out to india by the next steamer because if you would she said i will go with you i can send messages home by the i am absolutely at your disposal but what would have been the good of my going out to india i could not go out to the district and even if we had been able to do so we should probably have found the whole expedition over and the country abandoned or at most in care of a british resident what was the good of my going back all those thousands of miles over land and sea only to find an empty and desolate home at nay it was not our home it had been but a furnished and had written to me that he had given it up definitely as soon as he knew for certain that he had orders for the expedition on the other hand the princess continued holding my hand fast within her own here am i a desolate woman clinging to you with a bleeding heart full of af the strange	30
story of my life that you should be taken away from me i entreat and you to give the rest of your life to me you have a son i said to her oh my dear yes i have a son dear dear good kind and only son but when you come to be my age when you come to be of the every day companion of eight and twenty years it is not your son who fills up the whole of the gaping wound men do not feel things as women do excepting for their wives i know that when louis hears the news of our great loss he will be cruelly bitterly wounded but he is a man he is young he has the world and his life before him his deepest interest in life is yet to come it will not cannot be to him what it is and must always be to me he travels he he has interests in a dozen pursuits from which i am entirely cut off his grief will be for a time mine for eternity it is only human i do not blame him better son and brother never lived but he is a man it is women who grieve always i am perhaps thinking most of myself when i ask you to cast in your lot with mine and to take my lost s place to let me in some measure take the place of that dear gallant brave soldier for whom your heart is broken to day if mine were a gay bright house full of young people full of life and stir i might have hesitated to ask you to share it as it is i feel that the bond between us two is out of our and our great what do you say what could i say i had no money i had come almost to the end of my small store by the time that we left i had drawn out of the bank the last of what called our emergency money just over three hundred pounds at the time of my little death thinking that i might have need of it to go back suddenly to india and that i should feel more safe if i had it in my own keeping than if i had in that plague stricken village to wait for funds even of that i had used some mad a widow i said to her do you realize how poor and how i am i have no money oh well something under three hundred pounds which is so little that it hardly counts i have no friends no relations that i know of i am quite alone do you realize what it is you are asking me to do i am asking you she said in her voice to come to me as you are to be my dear adopted daughter to try and forget with me the cruel and bitter time through which you have passed and are now passing i know that it will be long before that blessed state arrives for you but where do you think you will find anyone who will understand so well as i do all those cruel pangs which are tearing your heart at this moment come say yes give me something to live for give me something to let my broken mother s heart itself around and let me find my most blessed occupation in trying to bring the comparative happiness of forgetfulness to one who did for me what perhaps nobody else in all the world could have done in my desolation my loneliness my overwhelming grief i consented and gave myself and my life into the hands of one who seemed to be more like a saint than anything in human form than any woman i had ever known during my whole life what happened afterwards is speaking quite more or less of a dream to me i have said that i had no tears when i had once consented to become the princess adopted daughter i seemed to surrender all my will power into her hands indeed i had no longer any will of my own i wished to have none she did with me as she would and as her instinct and her wish was to get back to we continued our journey without any further interruption or without breaking it in any way i asked no questions i felt no impatience at the length of the time we had to spend in railway carriages i had no preference as to food and i the strange story of my life was i think only saved from mental destruction by my extreme youth and by the fact that i was able to sleep as soon as my head touched the pillow in due course of time we arrived at the castle of i had known of course from the style in which they lived at and from the size and beauty of the that the must be a rich and powerful family but until we drove into the of the castle i had riot in any way realized the splendor of the princess home and surroundings what a place it was a castle why it was a palace and a castle in one we arrived just at nightfall and it seemed to me from the rows and rows of twinkling lights which flashed on all sides that we had come to a town is this the village i said to the princess no my dear child this is the castle she replied this great place i exclaimed but surely these rows of lights are not all your own yes certainly these are the castle lights of course she spoke in quite an ordinary tone somewhat tinged with surprise and evidently the spectacle was an one with her i thought you realized dear child she	30
said that was a rather large place i do not think that i realized anything i replied i have never seen any such place in my life who are all these people those are some of the servants she answered some of the servants they came out with and in and greeted the home coming of the not with loud of welcome but with rippling murmurs of sympathy the princess was very pale and was visibly moved she spoke to one or two of the white headed stately personages and passed at once holding my hand under the great entrance there i found myself in an enormous hall a widow i i lighted a great echoing chamber with a stone roof whose white walls were hung with great and of the chase there were more servants and there more murmurs of welcome and subdued sympathy the princess walked almost to the great hearth and there she stopped before an elderly man who by his appearance and dress was apparently the head of the household to him she spoke in german i did not know very much of the language but i had enough knowledge of it to be able to follow her she said i wrote to you telling you of mrs the english lady who was so very kind to our dear princess whom you and i and all of us loved so dearly mrs has had a great loss since my saint was taken away her husband a gallant english soldier has fallen in an engagement with some hill tribes far away on the frontier of india she is quite alone in the world and i have persuaded her to come to me and be my dear adopted daughter will you make known to my people that mrs will remain here that she will live with me and as far s possible will take the place of princess i shall expect the same attention and courtesy to her as was freely and willingly given to my daughter i can never repay her for her past kindness but i shall regard any attention and any kindness that my people show in the future to mrs as an act of kindness and attention given personally to me to my surprise the major for such i imagined was his position dropped upon one knee and raised the hand of the princess to his lips then he stood up moved a step towards me knelt to me also and paid me the same act of homage i had never felt so strange in my whole life my english instinct was to say oh get up please don t do that again but when i saw that one by one all the principal servants came forward and the strange story of my life repeated the graceful act i perceived that it was but the usual custom of the house and realized that if i meant to live and with these people i must try to introduce no but must take my cue entirely from the manners and customs of the stately and dignified of the little ceremony of home coming over the princess took me herself to the of apartments which she had ordered to be prepared for my reception i have put you in a of rooms quite near to mine she said to me not her rooms those i could not give up even to you but they are quite near both to hers and to mine see this is your your own private room into which nobody will come without your express invitation excepting yourself dear princess i broke out ah my dear i shall hope to come here very often but at the same time you must remember that i have my in my child s favorite apartment this shall be your and the more you ask me to come to it the more assured i shall be that i have been able to bring some measure of happiness and comfort into your young life this she said opening a door is your dressing room and this your bed chamber and that room beyond it is a chamber for your as she spoke she led the way into the little room she will be very warm here see she has only to turn that stove on or off to make the room as warm or as cool as she likes do you think she went on as if she were anxious to say as little about my surroundings as possible that your will prefer to remain with you for the present i think so i answered she is like her mistress a lonely soul she has no near relations and of her distant she knows little and cares to know less i think that all the affection of her life was upon my little if she wanted to go back to india i a widow would send her back at once but until she expresses a desire or until you plainly ask me to end her away i would like to keep her she is the last link with my past she understands my ways she understands me i have nobody in all the world except poor who can talk to me of the happy days that will never come back again i have nobody else in all the world excepting you princess from whom i can hope to receive any joy and comfort in the time to come you are very wide apart you two the poor ignorant superstitious native woman and the high bom powerful rich noble lady and yet said the princess putting her arms round me and holding me very close to her and yet in spite of the difference between us we have one g eat bond in common we are three desolate woman the strange story of my life chapter in a gilded cage after this there seemed	30
to be nothing for me to do but to sit down and try to get used to my new life as circumstances had fallen out it was of course more merciful for me that i was taken away from all connection with my past and set down in a totally new existence everything was so strange and so new the routine of every day life and food the hours the atmosphere the religion were all alike somehow i never felt as if it were really i who occupied that stately of apartments overlooking some of the most wonderful scenery in one of the most picturesque districts in europe i never felt as if i were myself looking back i do not think that i grieved very much i have an idea that i was too much too by my losses and by the extraordinary lifting of myself out of the life that had been mine to really feel the grief which most loving wives feel for the loss of true and devoted husbands i used to walk and move and eat and sleep as if i were in some strange dream from which by and by i should wake and say oh i have had the most curious dream i ever had in my life i have been in a strange world a new life and you were not there then again at times the fancy would come over me that there had never been that indian past that it was but a dream time up out of my own imagination a curious sensation that i had always lived at that i had always been the princess s daughter used to possess me and yet i had never seen her son and i was called in a gilded cage i do not think that i was mad at that time but i do think and believe that my brain was so dazed and so bewildered so with what i had gone through by the losses i had sustained that it had lost the power of working in an ordinary manner and yet from time to time there came upon me a full of all my sad and yet my happy past there was a of english papers locked away in the drawer of a wonderful to which i sometimes turned that i might satisfy myself beyond all shadow of doubt that there had been a husband that there had been a little child that there had been a past that the past was over and the husband and the child were gone and then i seemed to realize that there was no doubt about it there in plain english in the and cruel language of an and despatch was to be read the news of my husband s death it came under the heading of the expedition and said captain died of his wounds at daybreak yesterday in the last paper of all i had found some days after i had reached an which the princess and i had overlooked on first receiving the of newspapers we regret to say the paragraph ran that lord whose son the honorable edward was in the expedition was seized with a stroke of on receiving the news and expired last evening aged sixty three years so my last link with my husband s people was broken lord had been the only one of all s family who had in any way maintained a clear and open mind about me with the exception of course of the dear boy s and great i had had it in my mind that i would write to lord and tell him of my grief and of my sorrow at his loss to speak of my affection for his son and ask for details of his death so far as he might know them that paragraph of course put an end to that intention there the strange story of my life was no other member of s family to whom i cared to write indeed my strongest desire in my bitter hour of sorrow was to myself absolutely and completely both from them and from every other of the past especially from them with the exception of the late lord all s people had practically ignored me as a wife as a widow i would henceforth them apart from this motive i had an almost morbid wish to keep my grief to myself to share it with no one and nothing but the most urgent reasons would have induced me to write about my loss to anyone least of all to s mother or sisters as soon as we had settled down at the princess had ordered for my benefit a full supply of english newspapers and for myself i would almost rather not have had them for they were but so much more pain and grief to me and personally they gave me no pleasure for there was no news in them which had any interest for me with indian papers it would have been different still it seemed so to want anything different to what she provided that i said nothing and used to them over when she happened to be in the room which we most frequently used just that she might see that i was apparently interested and pleased by the attention which she had shown me in having ordered them i suppose that a couple of months had gone by since our return to when on looking over the times one day i caught sight of the name of it was but one of the ordinary from the this particular paragraph ran rd sub lieutenant st to be lieutenant vice the honorable edward deceased the news did not specially interest me it was but an additional pain to come across any mention of the familiar name and only served to remind me again of the cruel loss i had	30
suffered i wondered in a vague kind of in a gilded cage manner who had succeeded my husband in the regiment and who had come in for the title probably some distant cousin whom i had never or heard of and should never meet in this world well well i had thought once that i was a too i was a now in nothing but my legal name those whom i had known and those with whom i had had communication were all dead and gone i never told the princess of that last discovery she fancied dear sweet angel woman that she was that i was getting over my great sorrow she fancied that i was in a measure forgetting my sorrows or if not forgetting them that i was at least contented in my new life how was she to know that i was wont night after night night after night to sit in my beautiful spacious rooms going back over the past wandering round and round like a bird in a cage crying like s i can t get out i can t get out and yet knowing in my own mind that i had nowhere to go nobody to whom i could fly that if i broke away from the bond of her kindness i had no refuge no plans no hope was ever any poor girl so utterly desolate before i think not somehow in spite of all the love and care which the princess upon me the stately magnificence and serenity of the life at seemed to me i had been used to plenty of servants like all other indians of position but the troops of and at oppressed me there was so much pomp so much ceremony about everything that we did if we went for a drive our way led us among who seemed to exist only for the purpose of giving homage to their lady it was wonderful to me that the princess was as her daughter had been so remarkably simple in her personal tastes and manners for she seemed and indeed was a veritable the strange story of my life not by her own will but according to the manners and customs of the people over whom she ruled owing to the princess very deep mourning and my own we were naturally extremely quiet in our life indeed we lived so far as society was concerned in almost total seclusion to me it was a life of heaven knows i had no desire for gaiety but there were times when i would have liked to have seen people who did not when i would have rejoiced in stiff knees and straight backs it was the princess natural atmosphere this atmosphere of homage to me it was and yet what could i do she clung to me with desperate affection and eagerness she said to me one day you are tired of this place you don t like oh yes i replied not speaking quite out of sheer pity for the hunger in her sweet eyes but it is a life that i am not quite used to princess it is a life to which i have not yet grown accustomed i think if i might have a saddle horse and ride every day that i should feel more like myself i have ridden all my life i wonder would it be possible for me to get a anywhere near here my dear child we will send to for a tailor at once oh but that would be such a trouble pray don t think of it i said choking down the but half formed wish with a self sense of my own base ingratitude but the hint had been good enough for her within a week a tailor arrived from and i was measured and fitted for several riding habits such as would be suitable for almost any temperature you should have spoken before said the princess when t half reproached her with me too much the horses are there doing nothing what is one horse more or less or a riding habit or two if they in a gilded cage will make you happier it is a very simple matter i have spoken to them in the stables and i find that there are two english horses broken to carry a lady they are at your disposal from this moment so i found a new distraction in my life and for a few weeks i was vastly thereby but even horse exercise did not fill the awful want and gap in my life no i rode here and there through the lovely scenery over the g eat estate into the neighboring towns sometimes followed by a groom and sometimes i even ventured to go by myself but i was not much the better for it i was for my old life for those i had lost yearning for my freedom the freedom that would have been no use to me you will be more happy when louis comes home said the princess one day to me i had not grumbled i suppose that i was looking a little dismal or shall i say a little more dismal than usual i know that i was feeling more dejected and more lonely and forsaken than i had ever in all my life before you will be better when louis comes he will not be long now the princess went on i heard from him this morning while you were out he sails from cape town to day yet i had no especial interest in this louis of whom she spoke so often and of whom she had such great hopes you see i had never known anything of foreign races all the men that i had known in india had been englishmen of the same class soldiers and high officials and the men whom i had seen in and around	30
did not commend themselves to me by comparison with those to whom i had been used i had an idea that prince would be like all the others that i had seen with his hair standing up on end like a brush with a fierce moustache trained to a hideous standing out three or four inches on either side of his face with square toes and high heels and a wide black silk tied in a bunch at his throat they iso the strange story of my life were so different to the class of men whom i had known before they seemed to do everything less well they were very polite polite indeed to a degree but i missed the frank look the pleasant free intercourse the curious air of distinction which the voice and manners of your real english gentleman in truth j i did not look forward with any anticipation of pleasure to the home coming of prince indeed i scarcely felt pleased when the princess told me that the ways of the house would of necessity be much changed with his arrival it is six months now she said since our great loss and although we shall not go in for entertaining not as we are in the habit of doing when my son is at home he will have many guests here for the hunting and shooting it will certainly make life more varied for you less dull less monotonous oh yes it will be very different when louis comes of course i had no idea of what she was accustomed to think as ordinary entertaining but it seemed to me that the preparations for the prince s home coming were of the most troublesome and lavish description the whole place assumed an atmosphere of bustle and expectation and that in itself was to a certain extent to one who was as thoroughly bored and depressed by her surroundings as i was not a little to my surprise i found that the princess wish and her orders were chiefly that there should be as little of sadness as possible in her son s home coming they were always such friends louis and my angel she said to me when i gave some hint of my surprise it is bad enough for him to come home and find her absent to find her gone he has had his grief it is useless to try to re open a wound which must be a wound always to both of us i wish everything to be as bright as possible that he may feel joy in his return rather than a sadness which can do no good to anyone in a gilded cage that is why i am making such preparations you noticed when we came home in the first flush of our grief that the people uttered no shouts of welcome you do not understand yet my dear the difference between a welcome and a reception when i heard all our people murmur as they first saw me i felt as if my heart would break i do not want louis to feel that i want him to feel that he is coming home only that is coming to a home not to an open grave s the strange story of my chapter xix f louis what struck me the most of anything in connection with the home coming of prince was the extraordinary self ol which the princess put upon herself as the day and hour of his arrival drew near her excitement became intense painfully so she was not like the busy house mother who has to make sure of her own knowledge that every preparation is complete for the welcome home of a dear child she had but to issue her orders that such and such things should be done and she might have been as positive that they would be carried out as if she had merely ordered a pound of tea at a shop yet she was not satisfied to leave everything to her people all that day she wandered in and out and with apparent at least twenty times did she go into her son s rooms to make quite sure that nothing was wanting that he was likely to require you have seen louis rooms she said to me at last no i have not seen them i answered come then with me perhaps there may be something that you will be able to suggest she said eagerly i knew quite well that i could make no suggestions that she knew her son s tastes better than anybody in all that great establishment that i a total stranger could not be of the slightest service to her in this especial way but i went willingly for it was plain to see how painfully anxious and excited she had become the prince s rooms were just like any other of apartments in the castle large airy chambers fur louis with the same attention as all the others they were with flowers and all the were set open to the lovely august air i was most of anything struck by the fact that the view from the windows was perhaps the least beautiful of any that i had as yet seen from the castle these are not the rooms in the house princess i said to her no you are quite right they are not but louis chose them when he was twelve years old he used to have your rooms he took a fancy to this i could never tell why and he would never change them they have remained almost is your son like princess i asked standing in the middle of the sitting room and looking about me with some curiosity oh no not the least like he is like his father resembled my people you will think it strange that i have no	30
portrait of my son but he has never been taken in his life that is one of his little he has promised to be taken that is to say he has promised to have his portrait painted as soon as he is home again just to add to the portrait gallery for no other reason he has never been we could never induce him to be taken since quite a little boy he has had the greatest to any suggestion of the kind i think she went on if there were not so long a line of behind him that he would not consent to have his portrait painted even for his family picture gallery he is a singularly character nobody would ever think he was the head of such an important house as the family of i do not know that the princess words gave me any real reason to think so but in a moment my mind conceived the picture of a man of extraordinary i went out of his apartments with an idea firmly fixed in my mind that the prince was probably one f the the strange story of my life men in the world and therefore i was prepared to find him such when the actual hour of his arrival drew near in one sense his home coming was less picturesque than ours had been we had arrived late in the evening to be received with and blazing lights on every hand he came in the soft mellow light of a august afternoon we had come in closed carriages while he came driving an english coach and four they are come let us go out to meet them the princess cried holding out her hand to me i would have drawn back so as to leave the mother and son to meet alone but there was evidently no such idea in her mind and i had of course no choice but to go with her as she wished we reached the great court yard as the coach swept in under the huge leading to the a moment later the four coal black horses had drawn up with a great clatter and dash and the prince had swung himself down to the ground my boy the princess my dear louis i liked him the first moment i saw him there was nothing stiff or stately about him he was quite different to his mother he caught her in his arms exactly as an englishman would have done and kissed her at least a dozen times held her away the better to see her then caught her to him and kissed her again then he seemed to remember that there was a face near which he had not seen before and this i suppose is mrs he said turning to me and speaking in extremely good english yes this is mrs my dear said the princess taking my hand again the prince uncovered his head mrs he said taking my hand and then raising it to his lips i am indeed delighted to meet you i have heard some louis thing of the great debt which my mother owes to you it shall be my endeavor to return your kindness so as it is possible for me to do so nay i said choking down a great lump which rose in my throat the princess owes me nothing the debt is all upon my side you do not understand prince all that your mother has done for me he lifted my hand to his lips again we will agree to differ mrs he said with a very fine air of courtesy he turned with a singularly polite gesture and drew us both together as it were into the house and then there followed one of those stately half scenes such as had greeted us on our arrival to him it was evidently as to his mother the habit of their every day life that their servants should treat them in this semi royal fashion but to me accustomed even as i was to the of indian existence it seemed curious to watch all the bowing and which was evidently nothing out of the common with them i had the opportunity while this was going on of seeing what my hostess son was like he was not at all like what my fancy had painted i had him by the pattern of the men that i had seen since my at but in truth he was very different to any of these in height he was tall and in figure he was as english looking as any of the men to whom i had been accustomed his hair certainly was cut quite close to his head but it grew in a peak and was of a rich ruddy brown his eyes matched it in color and were brilliant his nose was straight and inclined to his mouth a genuine with the moustache small and carefully trained away from the lips it was a face head and figure of great power i mean of great physical power in years i thought he might be two and thirty indeed i found afterwards that that was exactly his age he was dressed quite in the strange story of my life the english country gentleman s fashion and beyond the head had nothing whatever of the foreigner in his appearance he wore one or two heavy rings and a little pearl pin in his tie a single pearl such as you frequently see englishmen wear instinctively i contrasted him with the man who had been my beau ideal of manly perfection i did not wonder that the princess was proud of him and devoted to him he attracted me and me he had the manners of a prince and a something which told me that he might under some circumstances be a brute he struck me as having	30
pride and extreme simplicity in an equally large degree it seemed to me that he was a man capable of enormous depth of feeling with a something of cruelty where his wishes were directly he was the first man of quality that i had seen since i had parted from my dear love in far away india and by comparison with his memory he suffered in every degree i was almost sorry that he had come home and yet my dear princess looked at least a dozen years younger from the mere fact that he had come that evening we passed alone just we three we dined together precisely in the same style to which she and i had been accustomed since our first coming to there might have been one or two more servants waiting but that was all the difference that was made then we from the great to the princess favorite room and passed the evening quietly together you sing mrs the prince inquired i shook my head half but the princess made answer for me oh yes louis she sings delightfully she sang to during those last days it was the greatest joy and comfort to her do sing to us i could not very well refuse i told him that i had louis never had the opportunity of learning to sing very well that i had been all my life in india and that i was by no means proud of myself in respect of that accomplishment i do many things much better than i sing i said to him he laughed good mrs he said supposing that you let me hear this poor singing of yours and leave me to judge for myself i am sure that anything you do you must do well i have heard already what a wonderful horse woman you are and who told you that asked the princess ah i heard it it was the first news that greeted me that the english lady rode every day and well my did not say like a but something as nearly equivalent to that as you would expect from a person who does not know the meaning of the word i suppose told you said the princess yes it was he has a great admiration for you mrs i am sure i ought to feel very much flattered i remarked i have thought sometimes that had a very poor opinion of my powers you are quite mistaken there of that i can assure you but we will not let s opinion for or against your powers of interfere with your singing i saw that there was no getting out of it so i went to the piano and sang several song and although i know i did not sing them really well they had the effect of drawing him across the room and of keeping him chained beside me until i declared that i could not possibly sing any more there was i not right does she not sing delightfully the princess exclaimed more than delightfully said he with a bow to me when we parted later on for the night he took my hand the strange story of my life and raised it to his lips mrs he said i offer you my homage i bade him good night almost and went hurriedly to my own apartments i can hardly say or express what i felt i did not think that he admired me particularly he had done nothing said nothing looked nothing but what was in strict accordance with the usual politeness of his race and yet i had a feeling for the first time that my had been assailed my loneliness on i had for the first time a feeling that i was no longer a thing apart from other men by grief from all approach to those and which are the of affairs of the heart i did not seek my bed for hours but sat up thinking of my dear lost love weeping and longing and yearning for what no time could ever restore and in the morning i made my toilet with such a white face and with eyes set in great purple circles so that the moment the princess saw me she uttered an exclamation of surprise and dismay my dear she exclaimed you are ill i am not very well to day dear princess i replied but why what has happened yesterday you were looking so charming so unlike this yes i i did riot sleep i do not always sleep i said to her don t say an about it i shall be better by and by what else could i say could i tell this fond mother so rejoiced in the return home of her only child that the very sight of another man had brought back my own loss to me with ten fold force no i could only toy with my breakfast pretend to eat and drink pretend to talk and take a deep interest in the every day life around me and feel that i had gone back a step not so much that i had been foolish but that i was in reality less grown accustomed to my great loss than i had had any idea of you ought to go for a ride said the princess you louis know that a ride always takes away your when they come i do not care to ride to day princess i replied the prince broke in eagerly mrs he said i was on the point of asking you if you would honor me by letting me ride with you this morning i think you told me mother he said turning to the princess that you wished me to drive with you this afternoon we have a little pilgrimage to make he added turning again to me you will go with us of course no i	30
we be said to have up we could i replied but i don t think anybody would be likely to use that term for us it is almost exclusively a man s term or for very young girls to what we call oh i see yes then we up but we do not call it up eh precisely so princess i replied and we said the prince in an as his mother rose from the table we have never in any sense up mrs no prince i replied somehow i don t think that we have ever quite done that little incidents like these were always happening i don t know how it was that the prince and i failed somehow to hit it off with each other we went about a great deal together because the princess would have it so she would have me ride with her son and many and many a time did i bitterly regret that i had ever mentioned riding as a favorite exercise of mine but we never became intimate for one thing i had always in my mind the sense of belonging to somebody else the sense of my the feeling that although my husband was dead gone quite beyond recall yet that i belonged to him still i had also always the sense that although i was living under prince s roof in a measure sharing his life eating his or his mother s for after all what difference was there between the two yet that he was not satisfied with things as they were that left to himself he would have placed our intercourse upon a totally different footing to the plane upon which his mother and i had first placed it i don t quite know how the knowledge first came to me the strange story of my life that this man loved me yet before the season of christmas had come i did know it and i knew it with a certainty which left my mind in no possible manner of doubt i knew that i could have married him at any time and indeed that he was only kept from proposing to me by my attitude towards him it was an exceedingly difficult situation for me because i had no possible reason having once permitted myself to take the position of the princess s adopted daughter for being on other than intimate terms with her son i was not prepared to go out into the world to my good friend for i had nowhere to go nobody to whom to turn and i would not have wounded the princess s feelings for any consideration so that i could only trust to a certain reserve and of manner both wholly unnatural to me for off a crisis which seemed to be inevitable and yet i was most anxious not in any sense to wound the feelings of my good friend and protector by seeming to slight her son when we three were together so there grew somehow to be two one who talked and laughed and sang and played and tried to put off all the pain and the sadness of life the that might be called the home bird and there was another one who rode and walked and lived an out door life with a chill air of and reserve which was wholly at with the manner and appearance of that other one the princess never knew the and except in his mother s presence the prince never knew the domestic creature of the same name once indeed he spoke to me about it why he asked are you so different indoors and out of doors i do not know that i am i replied which was absolutely oh but you are he declared when y lu are out with me nobody would know you for the same bright and companion whom i find in my mother s a casual question why should you be so different to her and to me because i said quickly i feel very differently towards you but why do you feel differently have i ever since i returned home done anything to offend you mrs oh no prince not the least in the world but i said with a sigh i make an effort for your mother s sake to put aside all my own and my own sorrows i do not make the same effort for you i wish that you would he said wistfully i felt that only by the greatest caution and care on my part should i avoid a declaration there and then prince i said i feel that i am going to say something which you may think i live in the past i cannot alter myself in that way what you ask is quite impossible were you then so fond of him he said scarcely above a whisper yes i replied i was something more than fond of him i adored my husband i cannot be gay except to make an effort for one who has been through terrible trouble and who has always been most good to me for some little time he rode on in absolute silence then he suddenly leaned over and put his hand upon my horse s neck mrs he said you are my mother s dear friend and guest something more than that her adopted daughter forgive me if i have said anything that has pained you you know i would not do so for the world i wish for your own sake that you felt your loss less bitterly i wish for mine that you did not feel it at all as things are i must be content we won t speak of this again i had never liked prince so well as at that moment his words struck me as so full of delicacy of real courtesy that i looked up at	30
him and in the strange story of my life held out my hand towards him prince i said we cannot help our hearts we women which is why we men love you so was his we got on much more happily after that i think he expected less and perhaps i gave more at all events our intercourse when we were alone together was less constrained more to use that phrase which had sounded so odd upon the prince s lips more in fact even the princess noticed it you are good friends with my son she said to me one day with a curious wistful expression upon her delicate face oh yes princess you like him oh yes certainly very much indeed he likes you i hope so was my cautious i should not like to think that your son disliked me that was not what i meant she said simply and then she turned the subject and began to speak of other things it was christmas time before the promised visit of colonel brought him to several times the princess had asked news of his coming mr de had actually come and gone and one other gentleman an nobleman whom i liked as little as i should say he liked me prince told his mother that colonel had gone home to england for his long leave and that he would come to the first week that he was free to do so the visit eventually resolved itself into a two days affair colonel giving the very reasonable excuse that he could not possibly get away for a longer time i was rather surprised that they invited no other guests to meet him and i expressed as much to prince a casual question well we should have had other people here he answered but particularly asked me to let him come to us as we are in ordinary he knows of course that we are not actually entertaining or visiting much and he is like all other good shots he has no great love of a big shoot and small blame to him i say for i think a big shoot is the most terrible bore in the whole world evidently then this colonel wished to have the entire glory of the shooting to himself and i don t know that i thought any less of him for that he arrived during the afternoon just as the twilight was deepening into night what was he like oh well the kind of man to whom i had been most used in my early days a man in the very prime of life four or thirty a soldier all over a gentleman to the tips of his fingers polite good to look upon not over and above blessed with intellect perhaps and yet endowed with no small store of worldly wisdom i had seen so many of the same pattern the first sight of his good tempered steady face and grave blue eyes served to send me back from this stately castle this kind of existence to the days when i was and could and dance and sing with the best of them ah dear dear his presence was pleasure and pain to me but mostly pain of the two sensations i saw but little of him during the first of the two evenings that he passed with us their was brown bear and their talk was of little else i excused myself from singing for them and for once prince was not keen on my with his request for music we all went to bed very early and when the princess and i appeared in the morning the two men had been gone for hours nor did we see them again until we met at dinner they had been fairly successful in their bag and colonel was highly elated over the fact that to his gun had fallen the only bear which they had come across the strange story of my life i feel you know he said that you gave me that splendid fellow by right he really belonged to you ah that does not matter said the prince i wanted you to h ve the chance of him when you come back again to finish your visit i will exercise my full rights as you had only the one day s sport i wanted you to have everything that there was to have and you will come back again said the princess i should greatly like to do so princess colonel replied you see i could not hope to get more than the two days leave just at this time and after i have been home for a long spell to england but later on if i have the chance and your charming invitation is renewed i shall come with the greatest of pleasure to try my luck again i am sure that we shall all be delighted said the princess kindly and perhaps we shall have a larger party to meet you that has been the charm of the whole thing said colonel there are so many big shoots where one is only one of a crowd and not the most important one at that he added with a laugh there is nothing like being the one guest for absolute enjoyment i am delighted that you think so she said for i fancied that you would find us extremely dull but of course louis knew your taste i did not get off quite so easily that evening as i had done the evening before colonel was to leave on the return journey at midday and therefore was not especially anxious to go to bed in good time as he had been the previous evening mrs said the prince you will sing something for us to night oh no don t ask me to sing i cannot sing i replied speaking quit under my breath	30
a casual question dear do sing something said the princess mrs sings delightfully only she is so foolishly retiring about it she will have it that she is not worth listening to and really she sings delightfully oh mrs said colonel do let us hear you i protested that i did not sing as a general rule that i had never had the opportunity of learning to sing well and that i much preferred not exhibiting my want of in public but this is not public he said and i really do not think the princess would ask you if it did not g ve her pleasure i am devoted to music oh no i don t understand it the least in the world but i love to hear it do gratify us i had to do it of course you cannot make a fuss and refuse when people will in asking you to do some particular thing so i went to the piano and did my best i do not think said colonel when i had declared myself quite unable to sing any more for that evening that you ought to tell people that you cannot sing because you sing very and delightfully and you give your hearers much pleasure if i had ever been taught singing i mean if i had ever been taught properly i said carelessly i should feel more assured perhaps but i have lived all my life in india and really have not had the chance of studying music or anything else as i would have wished that is my only reason for being so extremely modest about myself well i should not tell anybody that you have lived in india and now that you are in the way of really good teaching why don t you take it up and work at it for a year or so that would give you confidence as nothing else would do your talent is much too good to be wasted believe me it is ah that is very kind of you colonel i i the strange story of my life said i have not felt much like studying anything since i came to europe but your suggestion is good i will think it over princess loves music and it would please me if i could give her more pleasure i think that you would please everybody he said and then he suddenly asked me a question which served to make my very heart stand still i suppose he said from your name that you belong to the goes on chapter xxi time goes on when colonel asked me whether i belonged to the family he and i were sitting quite apart from the princess and her son the prince indeed had just left the room and the princess was at the further end of the spacious apartment busily occupied with some fine and delicate such as her soul loved i felt that my face had to the very lips but i contrived to answer him as steadily and as as if his words had not awakened within me a rush of thrilling memories my husband was lord s nephew i said simply oh really i thought of course it must be the same family i never heard of any other did you know lord i asked no i never met him i knew young bill of the rd an awfully nice chap he was he was killed as of course you know out in one of those indian let me see the district was it not yes i replied and my husband fell at the same time he was in the same regiment you don t say so dear dear how very sad i had no idea that bill had a cousin not in the rd that is to say of course i only knew him casually i mean i only knew him in london not as a soldier he was a nice young fellow he had not been out very long had he oh no quite a short time do you know the present lord no he said i don t know him at all i have been so very little in england since i have been attached to our the strange story of my life here i fancy that it was quite a distant relative who came into the title but when one does not know a family intimately it is surprising how ignorant one is of its various branches and i too i said you may think it very strange that i know so little of my husband s family but i was married out in india and i never saw any of them excepting his cousin who would have been lord if he had lived i had to come home alone for my health and that of my little child whom i lost at just before the death of the princess my husband was coming home with me but he was recalled for the expedition at the very moment of starting from i never saw him again so you can understand that losing him and losing my child as i did i never cared to seek out any of the family after all they knew nothing of me i was a perfect stranger to them and i do not want to see any of them it would be too painful too dreadful pray if you meet this at any time don t tell him that you came across me don t tell any of poor bill s sisters that you have seen me they take no interest in me and the knowledge of their very existence is a pain to me if my husband had lived or if even bill had lived it would have been different he was my good friend my husband s dearest they are both gone and all the happiness of my life went with	30
end of their time and they never love they never love at all they never know great sorrows or great joys they might almost as well never have been bom but all are not like that and i although i am still young have lived both in joy and sorrow till i feel like an old old woman do you think he asked after a moment s silence that you will always feel the same i think so i don t believe when men and women have passed through great storm and stress that they can ever again become as placid as they were before when you once feel old i doubt if you ever grow to feel really young again but don t you think he said wistfully that it would be very dreadful to your husband if he could know that the strange story of my life your entire life was given up to a desolation of regret i have never thought of that i returned simply if he really and truly loved you he went on don t you think that he would rather you were happy even if you were not quite so happy as you had once been than that you should live out the rest of your life practically alone i could not imagine my husband wishing wishing me i repeated with a certain feeling of outraged dignity to marry again he was so unselfish prince that if it would make me happier i know he would be the last if he could give an opinion to set himself in the way of my any measure of happiness i won t pretend that i do not know what you mean it would be foolish and while i am as i am with your mother it will tend to make us less good friends than we should otherwise be if we only make believe to understand each other in a half kind of way i thought the other day when you spoke on this subject that you understood me that you realized not that i felt i was tied by the wishes of my husband but that i myself had no wish to alter existing arrangements mrs he said may i call you i had no intention of speaking to you again because i feel that in a sense i have the of my hospitality forgive me it is only s presence here which has made me speak forgive me and believe that i am moved by a desire first and foremost for your happiness he rose from his chair as he spoke and so did i from mine he took my hand for a moment in his and raised it to his lips and as he turned away he trod upon one of the great hounds which was lingering very near to him i remember when he first came home that i had thought there might be something of the brute in him yet even in what i saw was a moment of deadly pain he stopped and time goes on patted the great dog on the head with a word of regret upon his lips i had never liked prince so much as i did at that moment i don t know that i had ever felt so sympathetic towards him so completely at home with him that i had ever before felt so little of his i mean that i had never felt so nearly as if he were indeed an englishman i don t think that the princess ever suspected that matters had gone as far between us as they really had done for months after that little visit of colonel s we went on without very much change in our every day life it was to me that they did not wish to travel more to leave more often more than once the princess told me that for several years her son had not been at home for so many months at one spell louis is very much changed she said to me one day he used to be always longing to about to travel abroad to shoot big game to live a life of adventure and change but since he came home this time he seems to have altered he seems to content himself with such placid and domestic things in comparison with his past life perhaps he feels that he must stay more with you now i suggested now that i have not for a companion yes perhaps that is so no doubt that is it dear princess i said in a tone of acquiescence although in my heart i knew perfectly well that such was not the reason perhaps said she he has another and a different reason be that as it may it is delightful to me to have my son always with me even while i wonder that he does not grow tired of i wonder that you do not travel more i said perhaps rather you would like to travel more you would like to move about to go to paris to well our year of seclusion is over now and there is no reason the strange story of my life why if you would like to have a change my dear that we should not take it oh no i did not say so i cried perhaps you did not say so but you are young and change is good for young people you have never been to you would like to see it oh yes if it would please you to go certainly it would please me i shall speak to louis about it the result of this conversation was that we very shortly left and took up our abode in their house in just at first i was half reluctant to undertake even so short a journey and yet when i found myself in the beautiful	30
bright city where i found myself in the very cream of social life i wondered how i had ever been able to support with the deadly of existence at i had no lack of gaiety i went here there and everywhere meeting colonel continually and i needs must confess it winning a great deal of admiration i was very in my behavior however for i gathered very early during our in the gay capital that the sight of me in the world of fashion was neither more nor less than torture to my adopted mother s son and as i had no wish either to torture him or to give other men the impression that i was perchance for them i shut myself up as it were within a high wall of reserve and never did a poor in a seek less to attract the attention of the other sex than i did the weaving of the net i chapter xxii the weaving of the net after we left which we did rather earlier than we had originally intended owing to an restlessness on the part of prince we went for a few weeks in the this time we were not quite the family party which we had been during so long a period at several intimate friends of the prince s accompanied us and also two married ladies both and of distinguished position and the charming young daughter of one of them for some weeks we about starting from going down the and the coast among the islands of the greek and along the as far as it is not part of my story at least i would be more correct in saying that it is not necessary to the of my story to give much detail of the life which we lived at that time we as the were accustomed to do with every luxury that money wealth and position could give each day s doings partook of the nature of a excepting when we were actually at sea when we were entirely dependent upon the resources of the s company for amusement and occupation the moment wc came within reach of land our whole days were occupied with excursions and sight seeing each evening s dinner was a banquet and when in port many visitors came to join us at that meal after dinner we had music and dancing and in all these i was given the honored place of daughter of the princess i often used to think that a perfect stranger coming in among us would l o the strange story of my life hardly have known except by my speech that i was not really princess s own daughter it was wonderful to me how she seemed to have got over the loss of the princess i hinted as much to her one day when we were talking together upon a kindred subject it happened that i had been suffering for some hours from a violent headache one of those semi semi nervous from which i had occasionally suffered during the whole of my life the rest of the party had gone off to visit some ruins a few miles inland from the port in which we were lying but the princess remained with me and when in the cool of the evening i was relieved of the pain and was able to rise from my couch i went up on deck and joined her where she was sitting under the gaily striped which protected us from heat and mist alike there we sat in luxurious deck chairs and she to me with fresh and fragrant tea dainty cakes and fruit you really are better the princess asked me anxiously oh yes dear princess my headache has quite passed away now i am only so annoyed that you should have stayed at home because of my being out of sorts you ought not to do it it does make me feel so uncomfortable my dear i could not possibly have gone off for a whole day leaving you alone and ill after all what is a day s to me i am not like the young people who cannot bear to miss a single pleasure it has been more pleasure to me to stay here with you that is so good of you i said gratefully only it makes me feel so selfish and so troublesome to you you would have stayed with me would you not she asked laying her hand upon mine and looking at me with her sweetest smile yes but the case is different i am delighted to do things for you that are not necessary for you to do for thk weaving of the net l l me it would be most unkind if i were to leave you feeling even a little dull but that you should sacrifice yourself for me is preposterous or it seems so to my mind at all events my dear sometimes you talk great nonsense she said smiling again and surely she had the sweetest smile in the whole world at all events i stayed and i cannot undo the day s work now so it is useless to talk about it any more you are enjoying this trip dear child she asked me with a change of tone oh yes i have it more than anything that i have done since i came to europe not more than anything you have done in your life she asked speaking in a very indifferent tone and looking away over the horizon as she did so no not more than anything i ever did in my life dear princess i replied that would be saying too much but certainly more than anything that i have done since i came to europe she said speaking in a very low voice and keeping her eyes averted from my own tell me one thing i would not pain	30
my one harbor of refuge from me and make my life which is almost contented and happy impossible for both of us i won t pretend that i do not know what you mean that would be foolish but i do so dread having my life yet once again you could not understand i think how much i have been the victim of strange circumstances in my past i seem to have been taken up right out of my life and thrust down without any will power of my own into a totally new existence among new scenes and among strange people this has happened to me twice already when i was first married i knew nobody that my husband knew not a soul and yet no sooner did i go into this new life than the old one was swept absolutely and utterly away i have told you have i not how my dear father died immediately after my marriage so when i came to europe i stood out oh so stoutly against leaving india without my husband but it was of no avail i came as you know alone not one soul that i had known in my past life was there about me excepting poor ignorant who is more dependent upon me than i upon her to whom i am of much more use than she is to me much more use and support yet my whole life was once again and i was taken up and cast down in a strange country among those who knew me not as if i were some child of fate some ball of chance with whom the gods were playing as they would don t you understand how i dread that this should happen once again and that i should be taken up and flung heaven knows whither but my dear child said the princess you have it in your to make your future so secure that you need the weaving of the net never fear that such a change could happen to you again i thought so once before i replied i thought when i married my dear husband that i was safe for the rest of my life and yet in a few months all was swept away from me husband child home position everything she laid her hand upon mine again that shall not happen to you again while i have it in my power to prevent it she said quietly and yet very firmly in any case whatever happens in your life here you will be amply provided for i have made special provision for you in my will oh princess don t talk about your will i said hurriedly she turned and looked at me with a new light in her eyes i wonder she began then checked herself abruptly but there never mind thought crossed my mind that was all she said a little i was saying dear that you need be under no apprehension as to your future i am very rich you know apart from the property and i have left you an ample provision so that if anything should happen to me you will be quite independent of of louis for instance dear princess i said you are too kind far more kind than i deserve i don t know why you should have picked me out as one upon whom to lavish such thought and kindness as you have done i am afraid that i repay you but badly no no it is i who can never repay you said the princess always remember that what i do for you is but a a small recognition of an service which you have rendered to me and mine i had been so and nervous all day that it was with the greatest difficulty i could keep myself from breaking down there and then into a violent fit of weeping i wish that you had not spoken of this i said at last because it is dreadful to me to contemplate a time l the strange story of my life when i shall be separated from you by any cause the one of which you speak may be many many years away i hope so oh i hope so i have lost so many of my dearest in that way that i begin to think there is a fate upon me that i am something like the tree deadly to those that love me for i seem to bring ill luck upon all who attach themselves to me no my dear no she said with gentle yet firm decision you must put that notion out of your mind at once you are so good so kind so gentle there can be no about your affection at all events you have never brought ill luck to me quite the contrary my poor was doomed before you ever saw her you added much to the joy and comfort of her latter days and i have never had so much pleasure in my son as i have had since you came and proved yourself the which has kept him so long with me i won t speak about him again except to say one thing that if you and he should eventually make up your minds to cast in your life s lot together i want you to know beforehand that such an arrangement would not only have my consent but that it would be the fulfilment of what at present is the dearest wish of my heart rest and chapter rest and more than a year went by after the princess had laid bare her heart to me on board the prince was not with us during the whole of the year following our first when the gay party broke up and severed company in the middle of september the princess and i went immediately to	30
les for the benefit of her health which was a good deal troubled by a tendency to do you go with us to louis the princess asked her son when our journey was first i think not mother i have made several shooting engagements for this autumn he replied and i will take the chance of your having an occupation to get through them of course he added will take a cure also i laughed outright i don t think prince that i need a cure i said well now he said there i don t agree with you is a great place for and you are always having some form of it or other it will be very much better for my mother if you are yourself in a bath and going through a cooking process at the same time as she is it will do you as much good as it will do her and if you are wise i won t say i consider you wise but if you are wise you will take the opportunity of the cure at the same time i had no objection whatever to taking a cure i was perfectly willing to do anything so harmless as that if it would please them so i consented to be and half baked as regularly as the mornings came round l the strange story of my life i am bound to say that the at did me a great deal of good and when i found myself in paris which was the princess s next idea i was both physically and mentally able to enjoy myself exceedingly from paris where we remained a couple of months we went on board the again i think that in the ordinary course of events the princess would have wished to spend the winter upon the but our mutual experience at had been so terrible that when the idea was she it with a decision which was very unusual for her sweet and yielding character in a general way the princess always gave one the idea that she was a woman of few who cared little or nothing for having her own way at any moment if she could yield to the wishes of others she seemed to find her highest happiness in so doing but to the suggestion that it might be wise to spend the winter on the her reply was at once determined and even abrupt eventually it was decided that we should spend the of the winter months on the that we should explore the south of italy and if we felt so inclined go further and take a run along the african coast i inquired of the princess what guests were likely to be invited and whether there would be any of the same friends who had accompanied us on our eastern she told me that the prince had already invited several of his men friends and that he was rather anxious she should include a certain italian in the party otherwise louis is quite as to what ladies are asked if the de our invitation i shall ask two ladies whom i know she likes and with whom she is good friends and won t you ask that charming madame de i inquired no i think not dear louis did dislike the daughter so much rest and but she is so extremely pretty protested yes i thought her very pretty and accomplished and charming and all that but louis disliked her immensely he begged me not to ask her this time he declared that she quite spoilt his trip before so that of course makes it quite out of the question that she should be included again i am sorry because madame de is a very agreeable woman and always seems to be in the right place under whatever circumstances you find her it is a pity that her daughter has not more of her natural manner and however there it is and of course i cannot go against louis in this respect eventually the did join our party which was further by the two intimate friends of hers of whom the princess had spoken both charming married women who took full advantage of the situation the was even more successful that the one to the had been so successful was it indeed that although we were bound to go back to for the new year the princess and her son having faithfully promised to be with their people at that time we all assembled again during the cold spring days and made the our home some weeks longer then we went to and once more to and in the october we found ourselves settled at for a spell of at least three months by this time i had grown quite accustomed to the life which i lived with the i will not say that i had in any sense forgotten my past or ceased my regrets for the husband of my youth or the dear love of my whole heart oh no does one ever forget one s first love one s only great love i think not but i was very young and one cannot go on feeling the same of grief for ever time if it does not actually heal our heart wounds does most assuredly our keenest sensations and i with no feeling of in my bosom with no desire to re people the blank chambers of my heart yet had the strange story of my life come to take a pleasure and an interest in the events of every day life i did enjoy beautiful scenery i did in fine music i took an interest in my appearance and a pleasure in my wardrobe i had in a great measure lost the dreadful feeling of age which had so oppressed me on my first going to when i sang to please those who wished to hear	30
weeks to come but the princess did not re rest and i cover as quickly as she ought to have done those curious of deadly from time to time making us more anxious and uneasy with each one that came upon her and she began to look very transparent and ethereal as if a breath would blow her away i confess that i watched her from day to day with my heart in my mouth i had not had an experience of illness such as would tend to make me hopeful in the face of long continued ill health and i think at that time that i had become so apprehensive and so nervous about my adopted mother that if she had asked me to cut off my hand i should cheerfully have complied with her request is the strange story of my life chapter xxiv on the threshold we seemed once more to have gone back to those first quiet days which had been our portion after the return of prince to the home of his ancestors that is to say when i had first known him the spring was an unusually cold one and the princess lived in an atmosphere more resembling that of a than anything that i had ever known in my life even in far away and india to one in her extremely weak condition this was an actual necessity but to us younger people it was extremely trying ought to ride with me every day said the prince to his mother when he entered her one afternoon she is getting to look very and pinched and i believe it is nothing but the fact that she lives in this atmosphere she is certainly looking very wan said the princess turning on her couch and looking at me anxiously you know dear child there is no reason because i cannot breathe the air that you who are or should be strong and well should remain up all the day with me do take her out as much as you can louis it is good for her and it is better for me that she should be well looked after so we began our old system of daily rides drives and walks together and i believe that we should have gone on so without any idea of after consequences if it had not been for the princess herself just at first she seemed only relieved that i was being looked after and my health taken care of and her son kept amused and free from then i began to notice that each time i on the threshold came in her eyes wore a searching look and she would ask well dear child what news in a tone as if i might have something very unusual to impart i seldom had anything unusual for our life was as as the life of people high in the world possibly could be i do not mean to say that i was of any importance for i was not and i never flattered myself with any different idea but the were a family of almost position upon whose nod the and woe of the population of several very large districts depended prince spoke to me one day about his mother s state of health he said to me suddenly when we were out riding and were miles and miles away from the castle what do you think of my mother what do i think of the princess why how do you mean i mean of her health oh i think her health is extremely delicate i think she will have to take great care for a long time to come yes but do you think that care will do all that is necessary how do you mean what is your candid opinion of my mother s state of health i think it is very bad does that mean that you think she is going to die he put the question exactly as if he had been himself to do so for a long time i don t know i replied it was true i did not know and i did not like to think i don t know either he said looking hard over his horse s head i don t know either but one cannot help thinking and i have been thinking pretty often lately that there is a look in her eyes which i do not like i too i murmured a far away kind of look she was always more of a saint than a human being that she has been ever since i the strange story of my life can remember anything but she never looked so heavenly as she has looked during these last few months have you too noticed it yes i have noticed it prince i replied almost under my breath he said i don t like to disturb you but has it ever struck you that in the event of my mother being taken away your relations and mine must of necessity be altered i don t see why i replied you would not be able to remain at oh no i mean you would have to make a new home for yourself yes i know that not by my wish you know you know what my wishes are and have always been but we could not fly in the face of the world of the whole world you understand that oh yes but need we think of that before any actual necessity arises that we should discuss it it is always best he said quietly to be prepared for any emergency that may arise i have always found it so and my experience has been by watching the lives of others as well as of my own you would be sorry to leave oh yes and sorry to leave us yes undoubtedly i should be very sorry	30
such sympathy for any human being as for that dead husband of yours because he loved you and i love you but when it becomes a question of being eager and proud and glad and willing to have you for my wife with no more on your side than a feeling of liking that is different i would rather have your liking than the love of all the other women in the world so you see it is no light love which i offer you will think it over won t you yes i said i will think it over i can promise you nothing i must think i don t believe i went on hurriedly that i can say yes you don t know what an it seems to make to my mind to even contemplate such a change if i say yes it will be as much for your mother s sake as for yours it will be for both your rather than for mine i know that it is hateful of me to say this but it is true as my dear adopted mother s son i like you and respect you and admire you prince but i do not love you it is no use letting you yourself up with the idea that i might come and lay my hand in yours and tell you that i love you i don t love you the least little bit in the world i like you nothing more it is not that you are not nobody who has seen what a son you are could feel that but you do not touch me perhaps i ought rather to say that all my power of loving seems to have died to have been dead within me before i ever saw you it is only a dead heart that i have here touching my breast not the kind of heart that ought to be given in return for such a love as yours i the strange of my life do not try to excuse myself i do not try to it over it is something i cannot help something for which am not responsible perhaps if my husband had died in my presence i might have felt differently by this time but he has never seemed dead to me it has always been to me as if he was just out there in india and i must get along without him as best i can until we shall meet again my reason tells me and has always told me that in this world there can be no meeting no coming together again but i have that curious feeling that if i go out of this world as he left me that i shall find him somewhere or other i have lived for that and in that hope all these three weary years supposing that i were to marry you to say yes to become your wife and you ever reproached me that i did not love you as i loved him oh i should kill myself but i never should so reproach you he said gently and yet in a tone of deep conviction it is the last thing in the world that i should dream of doing i could not reproach you with what you had warned me previously would assuredly happen i ask you for no love i do not even ask you for an immediate answer only wished for your own sake to lay before you clearly and distinctly and certain which may arise before very long i want you to think it over for my sake whom you like for the sake of my mother whom you love and most of all for the sake of your own welfare though i know that you think of yourself last and least of anybody in all the world i bent my head and presently myself to say that i would think over all that he had said to me carefully and in truth i had never liked him so well as at that moment there was something so manly and so brave about him so unselfish and so considerate that my very heart smote me that i could not love him as he deserved to be loved by the woman of his choice we rode back to the castle almost in silence not refer on the threshold ring to the serious subject of our conversation at all and when we reached the great entrance we were met with the information that the princess had had a very serious of and that the servants had sent in haste for her doctor they us that she was still in the the doctor not having thought it advisable to move her even to her own chamber and who is with her asked the prince the servant told him that the doctor was still in attendance upon the princess and that he had given orders that on our return we were to go in as quietly and in as ordinary a manner as possible i will go in without changing my habit i said because the princess is so accustomed to that that she would notice it if i stayed to change my things i therefore went straight to the where i found the princess lying back upon a large couch was in attendance upon her and sitting beside her was the who had general charge of her health dear princess i said in as cheerful a tone as i could put on have you had another attack of yes i am not very well she said in a feeble voice the doctor briefly explained to me that the attack was not serious a merely temporary which was already greatly relieved ah i suppose the servants were frightened i said taking my cue from him and speaking very carelessly far more carelessly than i was	30
feeling yes i think that that really was the state of the case precisely said the doctor her is much better greatly relieved fortunately i happened to be within reach and was able to come immediately mrs i would like to give you various little instructions presently in case the attack should return certainly i shall be at your service when you wish to speak to me the strange story of my life i don t think that the princess herself was at all alarmed by her sudden illness don t let them fuss over me she whispered when i had brought her a cup of tea and the prince had come in and heard the full account of her it is the fuss i cannot bear doctor is coming back presently now that you and louis have come he need not trouble to remain longer he can come back presently then i will run upstairs and take off my habit will remain with you until i return i shall not be more than a few minutes and then i will read that story that you were so anxious to finish this morning i was out of my habit and into a tea gown as quickly as possible and on my return despatched out of the room the prince had followed me into the but when he had seen me in a low chair beside his mother s couch with one of the new english magazines in my hand he asked her if she could spare him for half an hour that he might send an important letter away by the next post she gave him the required permission and as soon as the door had closed behind him turned eagerly and said to me have you any news for me news princess yes news has anything happened between you and louis there is a look on his face that i have not seen there before don t keep me in suspense oh if anything in the world will save my life it will be to know that you have promised to make my son happy my memories chapter xxv my memories i admitted to the princess that her son had spoken to me during the course of our ride and that i had promised to give him a definite answer during the next few days she held my hand in her hot frail clasp and looked at me wistfully my dear she said i don t like to say anything to urge you one way or the other and yet i must tell you that if you consent to become louis s wife it will make me more happy than i think anything else in the whole world could possibly do if i know that your future is assured and his i can lie down and die oh with such content and if anything will keep me alive a little longer it will be the pleasure of seeing my son s happiness and i truly believe your contentment i will think it over princess i said i must think before i can promise anything definitely don t try to force me into it don t hurry me you see i went on i am not in love with him and i was with my husband and still am with his memory and yet louis is very said the princess wistfully she was still holding my hand and i pressed hers tenderly dear princess i said i know how very very your son is it is that which makes it so hard for me if i had known him first it might have been otherwise as it is i think that my heart was dead before i ever saw him a dead heart may bud and bloom again murmured the princess i don t think so i replied i don t feel like it i feel hopeless and full of despair not knowing what to do story of my life for the best not knowing which is the right course for me to take i want to do what is best i want to take the course that is the wisest and the best for all of us but you must leave me to think it out for myself i can neither seek nor take advice it is a subject that i must decide for myself and of myself don t speak to me about it again princess leave me alone the next few days and perhaps the light may come in upon my brain so that i may be led to do what is really the best and the wisest i will not speak of it again she said with quiet decision i am sure dear that you will do what is the best and wisest or what you believe to be so and if you decide against louis i promise you that i never will reproach you or feel any differently towards you my dear dear daughter the princess remained in the during the evening taking there the light meal which the doctor had ordered for her and prince and i dined alone together in the smaller of the two dining rooms i think that any stranger watching us would have believed us to be brother and sister most assuredly no would have believed that a grave question affecting the whole of our after lives had arisen between us that very day and was still decision we went back to the immediately the meal was over and very soon the princess was carried to her own chamber by the servants when i at once turned to the prince and held out my hand to him you will forgive me if i retire now i said i must see your mother settled for the night and then i wish to be alone he bent and kissed my hand bade me his usual parting of sleep well and i	30
left him i was not long in the apartments of the princess for she was naturally very much exhausted after her attack and was already in bed when doctor came to pay his second visit when he had gone i bade her and went at once to my own apartments once my memories there i told to go to bed to go away and not ble about me any more that i would be my own maid for the night and when she had departed and i found myself alone at last i drew a chair up to the tall white stove by which my sitting room was warmed and sat down to think over the events of the day well i had come face to face with the end at last i must either consent to marry prince to make him and his mother happy to make that return for all the kindness and care which they had upon me or i must face the certainty that at no very distant date i must turn out of the home where i had spent three if not altogether happy years and seek a new life in a world that was utterly strange to me long long did i sit there over my of him whom i had lost looking with dry sad eyes at the many photographs that i had of him turning over the and gifts that he had given me from time to time during our short and happy married life trying to pierce the future with my tired eyes and to see light where there was no light oh it was so hard so hard if i had followed my natural instinct i could have decided the question in a single moment for my soul turned sick within me at the thought of putting another man into my s place but there were other considerations in the matter than my own personal feeling there was the thought of a man s whole life then trembling in the balance of fate a man who for three years had done everything that lay in his power to show me honor respect consideration and true affection there was the long record of his mother s love for me the fact that in the darkest hour of my life s she had stood between me and the evils and hardships of the world the equally fact that she was lying just across the corridor in an almost dying condition that it was the desire of her life of this part of her life at ill events that i should become her son s wife by the strange story of my life that one act i should amply repay all that i had received it was no light price to pay for kindness but it was a price the value of which to my was then on the other hand there was the awful alas i drawing painfully near that i should have to turn out into the world alone i think that anyone who has lived a safely sheltered life full of family joys and ties would scarcely be able to understand the unutterable loneliness of my position and the extreme dread with which i contemplated even the possibility of beginning life afresh for the fourth time and yet in spite of all this there was the thought of the dear sweetheart of my so cruelly taken from me ere our love had lost its first youth i could not make up my mind to set him and his dear memory on one side what shall i do i cried can you not give me some sign from where you are have you so forgotten me have you been so happy during these years that you have been up in heaven that you have no thought or care for what i have been suffering or are you not able to come to me for a single moment to tell me what i ought to do to help me to guide myself it is so hard for me to have to decide everything for myself who once rested upon you but there was no sign my s photographs smiled at me with the same careless bright look that had been his when in life there was no guidance in the poor bits of paper there was no longer any comfort in regarding them at last i went to bed and slept and in my sleep my lost husband came to came just as i had known him in this world with a smile on his lips with the old pleasant light in his eyes and he greeted me with the same firm yet tender hand clasp that had been one of his most delightful characteristics i don t think that i have a very clear idea of what he said to me but i awoke in the dead of night to find my room only by the lit my memories tie silver lamp which burned near my bed and i awoke with the impression that my husband had been with me and that his advice to me was to go on and make those about me happy i lay awake for a little time feeling perfectly tranquil and at ease in my mind and then i fell asleep again and knew no more until arrived with my early te i learned from her that the princess was decidedly better that she had passed a really good night and that the doctor had been with her and had just taken his departure having expressed himself extremely satisfied and pleased with her progress the regular breakfast hour at the castle was ten o clock and i arose leisurely and dressed so as to be ready by that time strangely enough all the doubt and dread of the few previous hours seemed to have left me i dressed myself with care and	30
went down to the little breakfast room just as the bell had sounded for the meal it was the only absolutely meal of the entire day it was the custom for the servants to serve the first course and then to leave the room so in less than live minutes the prince and i were alone together i hope you slept well said the prince as the door closed behind the last of the attendants oh yes i slept fairly well thank you i replied i am so delighted to hear that the princess is better that she has had a good night you have not seen her no i went across to her rooms but she was and i told that i would go to her when i had i just saw her for a moment he said she looks decidedly better i don t think her attack was as serious as the servants seem to have done i suppose they got frightened then we talked of other things looked at our letters o the strange story of my life and at one or two of the newspapers and when he had finished breakfast and left the table and i was leaning back in my chair wondering how i should break the ice and say what was in my mind an opportunity presented itself to me for the prince suddenly looked over the top of his paper at me and said if you think my mother is really better when you see her i shall take the opportunity of going over to for a long business talk with i have promised him for some time that i would give him a few hours to discuss certain alterations necessary on that part of the property i may as well do it to day as any other day his manner revealed to me as clearly as if he had put it into plain words that he was anxious to himself out of my way as much as was possible during the time that i was trying to arrive at a decision concerning our future my heart smote me how considerate how unselfish how delicate minded he was got up from my chair and went nearer to the g eat stove holding out my hands that they might catch something of the warmth which from it for a moment i hesitated to speak then my eyes fell upon the chill and wintry landscape which was to be seen through the double windows was at least ten miles away and his going over there meant driving that distance and home again prince i said half hesitatingly i have something to say to you i understand what you mean about going to but i do not think that you need go your mother may want you and there is no occasion for you to get out of my way he just touched my hand with his how very keen you are he said with a half laugh oh it not need any very keen perception to see your meaning in that i said smiling but the truth is i spent a long time last night thinking over what you had said to me and if you are prepared still to to take me my upon the very unequal terms which told you were the only ones that i could he exclaimed i cannot say anything more i said hastily and went on hurriedly for i felt that i must make a last protest as to my own i am afraid that i can feel no differently that i shall never be able to feel differently but if you like to take me knowing that my heart is practically dead that i have no real love to give you he caught my two hands in his without giving me time to say another word he cried is it really true can i believe what i hear if i will take you why i would take you upon any terms gladly reverently and may my life from now forward be used in no better cause than to make you happy to reward you for your goodness and your generosity to me in spite of tremulous earnestness i could not forbear from laughing outright well prince i said and perhaps my perception of the quaint side of the situation saved me from making anything approaching to a scene i do not know where my goodness or my generosity are to be found i think it is you who are generous you who are good with me it is take all and give nothing but you have g ven me yourself yes i give you the of myself that is all still it is the best that you have yes it is the best that i have and perhaps who knows he exclaimed some day you may find that your heart is not so dead after all you may find a love as fresh and sweet as the old love bloom up again but you will never reproach me if there is no such blooming i protested i will never reproach you at all i will never reproach you with anything he said passionately and yet my dear dear love i do feel that a young io the strange story of my life life like yours cannot be all past there must be some future there must be some left in your heart i have great faith in the flowers that may bloom of their own free will by and by oh if we could have looked forward we two forward to the time when the of love would up once more in my heart with the strength they had ever forth with in the days gone by oh if we could have looked forward as we were able to look back but that is what poor mortals cannot may not do	30
which you are wearing now has been used by the of the family for more years than i like to tell you without consulting the of the house the strange story of my life i fancy that you are the twenty third i wore it as in duty bound myself but it gave me no pleasure no satisfaction and i never put it on after i was married i put it away on the morning of my marriage and it was never worn again until louis gave it to you at the time of your i made my husband give me several other rings one of which i always regard in my own mind as my real engagement ring and i expect that louis will wish to give you others that will be more pleasure both to him to give and to you to receive than that hideous old black diamond which has sealed the fate of so many men and so many of a truth it was rather a relief to me to find that the princess did regard the famous black diamond as a hideous old thing i had seen it slipped on to my finger with a shudder and in my ignorance had feared that i should be compelled to wear it during the rest of my life i said nothing to her but i determined that i would follow her example and that on my wedding morning i would leave it off never to wear it again of rings and other jewels the prince gave me never a day went by during the whole of our engagement and it lasted for two months that he did not lavish some fresh gift or offering upon me he gave me black of almost value worth many thousands of pounds jewels of all kinds and i do believe that i had more clothes bought for me than i should ever be able to wear out if i lived to be a hundred i protested from time to time that it was extravagant that it was that it was making my life a burden to me but it was all of no use the princess told me and louis himself backed her up in the assertion that it would be necessary to my position to have all these and also that there were certain in paris and elsewhere who would expect as a sort of right to be remembered in the out of a i felt that they could have left out nobody my second marriage day that none of their could have the least justification for feeling themselves on the score of having been but the sense of possession was in no wise pleasant to me rather on the other hand was i oppressed as by an intolerable weight as the time for the wedding drew near the castle of began to fill with guests remembering how ill the princess had been but a few short weeks previously it was wonderful to me that she could have sufficiently pulled up strength again to be able to bear the great strain which was put upon her at this time i had fancied that the were rather a small family that the mother and son stood almost alone in the world and were not troubled by many relations true there were not many who bore the name of but of their relations there seemed to be no end they came thick and fast i was positively bewildered in trying to grasp the different degrees of they were all all noble all rich apparently all equally powerful they came whatever there might have been in their hearts with words on their lips and valuable gifts in their hands i was loaded with compliments and many marks of honor but it seemed to me that in the midst of all this and flattery there was only one real simple soul the princess herself and besides her only one really well satisfied person which was my bridegroom i had no time for thought no opportunity for no there was not the faintest chance of my being able to go back on my word i had passed the and whether my mind me or not there was no possible to me i was bound to go on to carry my resolve through to the very end in the face of that gay and brilliant assemblage it would have needed a woman with a stronger nerve than mine to have done aught but carry out the compact in its perhaps it was as well for me that there was as much l the strange story of my life preparation made for the marriage as the family thought needful because i seemed somehow to turn to louis as to a haven of refuge from the endless flattery and turmoil which the wedding had he always spoke of the various arrangements as of an intolerable nuisance out of which unfortunately we could not hope to escape excepting by going bravely through them when we are once on board the he said to me a few days before that of the wedding when i was groaning under some fresh tax upon my strength we will pass a few weeks in doing nothing we shall see nobody unless we choose we shall receive no letters except by our own fault we shall have gone away perfectly secure in knowing that the mother is absolutely happy and that nothing more can be expected of us why if it will please you you can wear one frock the whole time that we are away my dear louis i said i have had so many fitted on me that i feel i shall positively hate every one of them when i come to wear them i am so dazzled with jewels that at the present moment i feel the greatest luxury would be never to possess a jewel again you know	30
one may have too much even of a good thing oh my dear he exclaimed there will come a day when you will value your jewels like any other woman it is because all these people worry you so and everything has been rushed on in a hurry that you feel so impatient in a few months time you won t know yourself and you will tell me you want to go to paris because you have nothing to wear and you must have your wardrobe attended to yes i may nothing is impossible i shall never believe in the impossible again i replied with a smile so the days went over each one seeming to go more quickly than another because each one was more filled with occupations and duties than that which had gone before it and at last my second marriage day dawned mv second marriage oh how different it was to the other one and yet in some things how like there had not been present at my first marriage one single relation on either s side or my own on the day of my marriage to prince there was not present one single person excepting my indian who had known me longer than my bridegroom and his mother we were married in the great chapel of the castle married by a cardinal of the church of rome to which the belonged and into which i myself had been received during the period of my engagement to louis not so much from conviction as from a desire to start fair in my new life and a feeling that nothing would so far tend to make me one with the new life which i was entering than to have the same outward expression of religion neither louis nor his mother had asked or even suggested that i should take this step but i saw very plainly when i first hinted at it that nothing could have given them greater pleasure and satisfaction or have tended to make my future path more smooth being a widow of course i did not wear the orange blossoms and dress of a bride but my gown was a marvel of beauty and a triumph of the s art a delicate gray in tint almost hidden in clouds of lace one of my adopted mother s wedding gifts to me i only wore such jewels as louis had given to me for my own and i carried a of yellow roses which kept me in mind of a little grave in the churchyard on the in far away a marriage ceremony once begun is soon an accomplished fact almost before i realized that i was walking up the aisle of the chapel i was conscious that the had come to an end that i was no longer that i was prince s wife for one wild moment when that came to me i was tempted to fling down the yellow roses from my hands to tear off the glittering jewels and like l the strange story of my life with which i was to cry that a great an awful mistake had been made that i had not meant to go so far as this that i had not really thought what i was doing that i belonged body and soul to another man but in the midst of a fashionable crowd one does not follow out even one s most natural inclinations and when after my new husband had kissed me and murmured in my ear that he was the happiest man in the world and that god helping him i should never repent the step i had taken and when my dear adopted mother had come in her turn and kissed me blessing me while her kind arms were clasped about me i came to my full senses with a gasp and a shudder of remembrance i realized that there was no going back again in this world that i had come to one of those in my life s journey from which there could only be a passing onward then we went back into the castle to stand the of a brilliant throng of guests to receive more flattery more and many good wishes for our health and prosperity there was a great banquet at which louis and i sat side by side when the laughter and mirth ran high to be suddenly broken by an knock upon the high table ladies and gentlemen cried a voice the voice of the chief in the establishment you are asked to charge your glasses and to drink to the future health happiness and prosperity of their the prince and princess tranquillity and contentment chapter tranquillity and contentment looking back from my present it has always seemed to me that the few weeks which louis and i spent on board the after our marriage was one of the most happy and tranquil times of my whole life during the time that we were aboard of her we entirely shook off all the irksome pomp and ceremony with which we had been surrounded during the previous two months and we lived again the same simple and easy existence which had been ours from time to time previous to our engagement it was and is still surprising to me that i was able to settle down into my new life with so little personal effort to myself i must lay stress upon the fact that i was not in love with my husband and yet he satisfied me he was so thoughtful for my comfort so so strong he seemed such a haven of refuge from all the storm and stress of the world and i grew so to depend upon him that long before our was over i was fain to acknowledge to myself that if i missed something of my earlier experience i was yet a contented and fortunate woman	30
he was very wise with me he never worried me with questions about the state of my feelings it seemed to be enough for him in those golden days of spring sunshine that i was his it seemed to be sufficient joy for him to lavish his love upon me without of love on my side before our marriage it had been one of my principal fears that he might give me no peace nor rest until i should be able to assure him that i really preferred him to my first husband had he chanced to have taken that course all hope of happiness would have been the strange story of my life at an end for me but he was wisdom discretion and kindness itself he never referred to the past in any way he took me as i was and my gratitude for his consideration was beyond all expression of words unfortunately in our position our could not last for ever and we were obliged at the time we had originally fixed to go back to there to be present at many given in honor of our marriage to pay and receive many visits in short to justify the marriage as it were the princess struck me as a marvel of power we found her looking better and seeming stronger than she had looked or at any time since i had first known her there had been some question of her leaving and taking up her residence in one of the other castles belonging to the family but i had set my face resolutely against this plan from the very first there is no reason dear princess i said to her that because i have married louis you should be taken out of your natural place your real home the one part of the world you are really fond of and i warn you distinctly that if you leave on my account i will never set foot in it again i hope that that is plain enough both for you and for louis there can only be one mistress of a house said the princess oh i exclaimed hastily the mistress of a little villa with half a dozen servants is of importance and her position a serious matter the mistress of a is quite another thing we can quite well have our separate under the same roof it would be no pleasure to me to use your apartments other than as i have always used them as your daughter and as neither of us has ever ordered a dinner at since i first knew it i don t see that we need ever fall out upon that subject at all events i simply and refuse to tranquillity and contentment have anything whatever to do with if you leave it but my dear she began no i have never set myself up against you before dear princess but in this instance i must and will have my own way it is no use talking to me and calling me my dear if you make me feel that i have driven you out of your home the place you love i won t have it louis i am quite sure does not wish it decidedly not said louis thus directly appealed to why when you consider the peculiarities of the people the the little ins and that have to be considered it is perfectly preposterous to think of setting down an ignorant who has lived all her life in india to manage everything but what would you do if i were taken away altogether well you see i should have no choice then i should have to do the best i could and how much i might try louis s patience under those circumstances it is impossible to tell beforehand but while you are alive and in such wonderful health i cannot see that anything would be gained by your leaving your own home and going to live in some place all by yourself you would be a continual anxiety to us we should spend all our time trotting to and fro to make quite sure that you were not dull and lonely and we should have no comfort in your society and i won t have it so my dear sweet princess i must ask you at once now from the very beginning not to mention this matter again because i shall never give you any other opinion and i don t want to hear anything more on the subject whatever so she gave in to our wishes and remained at on precisely the same footing that she had always occupied there my position was necessarily altered in the strange story of my life this way in place of i had several maids who attended wholly and solely to my personal needs i did not get rid of of course she remained a picturesque figure doing nothing or next door to it with admirable grace and tact she still occupied a room somewhat near to my own but not the actual apartment which had been hers first on our arrival at i had an establishment of my own i mean my own who waited upon nobody else my own horses carriages and so on and these people were all naturally under my immediate orders with the conduct of the house neither the princess nor i much troubled ourselves as the vast establishment was under the charge of a house steward who was responsible to louis for all plans and arrangements we dined together always and a copy of the was laid upon my desk every morning sl similar compliment being paid to the princess i have no recollection of ever troubling to make any alteration therein whether my adopted mother did or did not was a matter of indifference to me i visited her at regular times always going to her for a few	30
minutes after the ten o clock breakfast if she had not appeared at that meal for the rest of the day our interests were in common and never i was no drag upon her and she no tie upon me as the summer wore on and the time drew near for the princess to once more take her cure at the question arose as to whether louis and i should accompany her or not for my own part i was absolutely indifferent i liked as well as any place i had ever been in in my hfe and i was perfectly willing to go there with her if such a plan would suit louis but for once in his life he did not seem to lend himself to the plans and the wishes of other people i think is the most detestable place in the world he said when the subject was first mentioned to him tranquillity and contentment could you not take some of your people and put in your cure without us he asked of his mother most assuredly she replied i know so many people who go to and it would be quite easy for me to go without you two where do you propose to take i have not proposed to take anywhere there is a big shooting party at the de but that will come a little later on it would be best if we went to it what are you wanting to do louis i asked i would like to go to he replied and after we leave the de i think nothing would e so much as another little tour in the am i not about right dearest yes i should like a immensely i replied between ourselves louis i would rather if it is practicable go for a before the de big shoot as well as afterwards i should so like to go right along the french coast not the coast nor the but and and as far as i hate these big hotels where there are always people trying to scrape acquaintance with us they are so trying you would not like he said to go over and see a little of the english coast you know it is really preposterous that you should know so little of your native country i don t know that i specially mind i mean that i should specially object to do so but england is only a name to me i replied quickly i know nobody in england and i don t feel in any way drawn towards it i will go with you there if you would like it we can leave that open he said indifferently but certainly if you would prefer a short in the to a tour in your wish is a very one i would much prefer it myself but i the strange story of my life thought you might be bored and i did not like to suggest it shall we take anyone with us oh no let us go just by ourselves we have seen so much of other people there is no tranquillity no rest in a large party even on a i would much prefer for us to go together so we arranged our summer in due course of time the princess went off with her own people to and louis and i on hearing of her safe arrival there at once joined the which was lying at louis had been rather anxious that i should go and join her somewhere on the coast but i loved the sea and in spite of the heat much preferred the longer sea journey so the pleasant weeks went by until it was time for us to our steps in order that we might pay our promised visit to the de i do not need to tell very much of my life at this time it was very gay visit succeeded visit and with every day that went by louis became more and more devoted to me and his mother more tenderly attached to me i never for one moment regretted that i had consented to their wishes and married louis i was calmly quietly peacefully happy and above all things i had that tranquil feeling of which was most of anything satisfying and delightful to one who had suffered as cruelly and bitterly from for change as i had done in the past i never in any way thought of putting louis in the place which my first husband had occupied when i thought of him which was very often it was of some sacred past too bright for human hopes to hold on to for ever i never talked about him and louis never mentioned him never spoke of him in any way asked me no questions never sought to open the door of my past love never treated me other than as if he were the first and only man who had possessed my heart i was more than glad of this because i had never in any way sought to parade the tranquillity and contentment fact of my first marriage before the face of my second husband immediately upon my to louis i gathered together all my photographs and of and put them away it would have been terrible to me to have had to answer careless who might have seen them in my apartments and to me it seemed that it would have been terrible to louis to see continually before him the face of his dead rival so we had begun our new life without any evidences of the old one and the only remembrance of my first love that i had allowed myself to retain in daily use was that i always wore a little gold ring set with a single diamond like a which had bought for me in on the evening before we parted a little	30
my little will be wild when they see them those they had brought to them last year were nothing like this mere black and brown things quite ordinary and ugly these are delicious delightful look at those brilliant and those vivid how quaint the shapes how charming the what dear little and upon my word i think i shall take a store back for my own pleasure and i could not help laughing at her indeed she laughed at herself as she turned over the quaint little with the delight of an child while the stolid herself laughed from sheer sympathy and we picked from her great basket all that were at all quaint in shape or brilliant in paying her in the end an low price though i fancy from her look of satisfaction as she bade us good day that she had suited her prices to the appearance of our carriage as we drove home together lady professed herself very much my for the afternoon s doings the strange story of my life i feel quite convinced my dear princess she said to me that but for you i should have gone home to england without finding out these treasures you see i only speak french in my young days german was not considered an essential part of a girl s education and one is at such a disadvantage in dealing with people a little off the if one cannot tackle them in their native tongue if i had daughters of my own i should insist upon their learning as many languages as possible i always think she went on that it is such a waste to set girls on the piano whether they have any talent for it or not now for my part i never had the smallest gift of any kind in the direction of music and yet from the time i was six years old until i was eighteen twelve years of woe twelve of the best years of one s life i was made every day to do a certain amount of music the result oh it was pitiful an every day school girl of twelve years plays better than i did when i gave it up for good and all and i often think that if i had had a sensible mother i do not wish to say a word against her poor dear soul she did her best for me i have no doubt but if i had had an enlightened mother who would have studied me a little and found out in what direction my talents lay she would not have allowed me to waste a single day on music and she would have made me put all my energies into the acquisition of languages i speak french really well she went on really well and i am quite sure that if i had had the opportunity i should have spoken german just as and just as correctly why don t you learn german now i suggested oh my dear it is too late in the day much too late in the day an old woman of my age does not thank you to go to school again no no girls ought to learn their lessons while they are girls when you get to womanhood and to middle age as i have done you have a other lessons to learn which take up all your time ah here we are at home again oh there is the prince i looked aside expecting to see louis but instead perceived that lady was speaking of the most distinguished visitor who ever sheds the light of his countenance upon the pleasant little bad now you will remember that you are dining with me on the terrace to night at a quarter past seven oh yes i shall not forget i replied particularly as louis is not here he will not be back in time for dinner you know lady in any case and it is possible i may find a to say he is remaining the night with his mother you are uneasy about her she asked well we are rather uneasy i wanted to go over but we were afraid that it might make her feel that we were nervous and that is not good for her you are very fond of her lady said oh i am a great deal more than very fond of her i exclaimed if she had been my own mother ten times over i could not love her more dearly than i do that is so rare said lady a little with us at all events ah yes i it is rare with i replied and a remembrance of my dear s mother and the way that she had treated me years ago flashed across my mind but you see princess and i were quite devoted to each other long before there was any idea of my marrying her son indeed i won t say that i married him to please her but it was next door to it you are a very lucky woman said lady in a tone of firm conviction i think most of your sisters have great cause to envy you i have never met princess but if she is as charming as her son and so fond of you as you say it must be very delightful for you she is all that i say and a great deal more i made haste to reply unless you knew her i could never the strange story of my life make you properly understand the sweetness and light of that dear woman s perfect character lucky woman cried lady with a sigh which i fancied revealed to me a good deal that was not equally fortunate in her own history ah here we are at my hotel my dear princess i have to thank you for a most	30
charming and delightful drive and with all my heart in my little names for this find of yours she pointed to the basket of little pots as she spoke then she got out of the carriage and opened the door and followed her into the house carrying her purchases with him on the she looked back remember the same table as last time and a quarter past seven charming people coming to meet you as i expected when i reached my rooms i found a from louis saying that his mother was better but that he would remain with her for the night she sent me her love and begged that i would not be at all anxious or uneasy and if i objected to his remaining at he would return by the last train that night i despatched a message in reply saying that he was on no account to return that i had been for a delightful drive with lady and was dining with her as he would remember that evening therefore that i should be amply looked after and amused having despatched this i rested for awhile and glanced over the pages of a new english novel then i changed my cotton dress for a one and attended by went to keep my appointment with lady and her husband on the terrace of the they were both there before me you are positively the first how punctual you are she exclaimed as i joined them you know the beautiful lady she arrived in yesterday and she is dining with us to night i have heard of her i answered but i have never a met her but i added i love beautiful people it is always a pleasure to be in their company ah here she comes with lord edward now you must let me make you known to each other she introduced me to quite one of the loveliest young women that i had ever met or beheld in my life then several other guests made their appearance and our party seemed to be complete are we all here my dear asked sir robert not yet not yet robert a few minutes grace we may as well be ourselves we are only waiting for a gentleman princess you will sit next to my husband lady sit on sir robert s other side yes that is it ah here is our now our party is complete lord you are late i had almost given you up the strange story of my life chapter a face from the dead if the heavens had suddenly opened before me and a had fallen at my very feet i could not have been more astonished than i was to hear that the name of the new comer at lady s dinner party was lord i turned quickly to look at him that i might see what manner of man the present head of my first husband s family was judge then of my surprise my consternation my horror i might almost say my dismay when i saw standing with his hand clasped in that of our hostess my husband yes it was himself in the flesh alive well and apparently happy i sat staring at him as i would stare at one come back from the dead i felt that every drop of blood in my body had gone back to my heart i felt that my face was my lips drawn over my teeth my eyes starting from their i could not have spoken to save my life i princess louis s wife lady s wife good god what was i a thousand conflicting thoughts came beating into my brain in a space of time that could have been no more than a moment like one like one expecting to go through some terrible form of torture fast and yet slowly approaching i waited for what would happen next let me introduce you to mrs l said lady indicating the lady nearest to her and miss l lord lady my husband you know princess on sir robert s other hand i saw bow showing just the edge of his teeth as i had so often seen him do before and then his a face from the dead eyes fell upon me if our meeting had been a shock to it was ten times more so to him he looked at me half his blue eyes up as if he could not believe the evidence of what they told him made a step forward put out his hand looked back at lady who did you say that lady was i heard him to her the princess an princess but an i heard her words although they were spoken in a mere whisper he put his hand up to the side of his face and pressed the ends of his fingers against his temples as if trying to force his brain to take in some new idea then he came round the table and held out his hand to me princess and i have met before lady he said then he dropped my hand and went back to the place that lady had indicated beside herself as his seat for dinner i can only say that i never sat through such a meal in my life i never went through two such hours of mortal pain and anguish no not even when i saw my little child lying dead and still in front of me not even when i received that cruel of newspapers which told me that i a young girl was a widow not at any period of my existence from first to last did i ever sit through such a time of intense anguish as those two hours spent upon the terrace of the at i did not dare to look at him well yes i did once or	30
twice steal just a glance but i managed to avoid meeting his eyes i was conscious that he watched me from time to time closely i think of it i sitting there on the opposite side of the table to my listening to the tones of his voice occasionally catching a glimpse of his face i calling myself the princess heavens was this some terrible dream or was i on the eve of being taken up by the roots again and cast out into a world where nobody would have me the strange story of my life fortunately the english lady lady was gifted with a tongue she talked and talked oh how i blessed that woman for her i was conscious that she was chattering away to sir robert keeping him amply amused telling him all sorts pf wicked little stories about various people well known to both of them and in whom i took no interest the man on my other hand had evidently some kind of an affair on with miss l he did not want to waste a word over me and once when he turned with an effort with an unmistakable effort to speak to me i whispered to him not to trouble to talk to me that i was not feeling very well and that i would not him if he talked to the lady on his other hand so i was left almost alone except for an occasional remark from my host and as course after course went by and served me with morsel after morsel with which i only i tried to reduce the chaos in my brain to something like system and order but the more i tried to think things out the more hopelessly confused did i become was ever any woman so placed as i i was wife to two men prince and lord louis was away louis was with his mother was on the other side of the table and i what was i who was i i was wife to both of them what would be the end of it what would they do to which should i belong oh dear heaven was ever a woman placed in such a position before i could see no way out of it i wondered if was married again perhaps there was a wife perhaps there was a child he had not forgotten me oh no i had seen in the first flash of his eyes that he was as unchanged in his heart as god help me i was my mind went back over those days of doubt which had preceded my engagement to louis those days when i had wronged myself when i had told him that i had never regarded as being really lost to me that although i had believed him to be dead knew as i a face from the dead thought that he was dead yet that he had never seemed dead to me that i had always about me the feeling that some day i should find him somewhere and so my instinct had proved to be true i had found him again i had found him not in another world not as he left me but here on this earth and i had been for more than a year the wife of another man at last the dinner came to an end i do not mean to imply that it was an extremely long dinner for it was not so but we seemed to sit an interminable time over the coffee and with which it finished still standing behind my chair inquired in a whisper whether i had any commands for him yes remain where you are i replied i am going home immediately as soon as the various guests made a move i rose from my chair and went round to lady will you forgive me if i leave you now i asked i don t feel very well and i would like to go home at once most assuredly though i am so sorry dear princess she said cordially do you think the drive was too much for you this afternoon oh no not at all i enjoyed it extremely i replied i am a little tired that is all who shall go back with you to the hotel i have my servant here i replied please do not break up your party perhaps the princess will permit me to walk to the end of the terrace with her said lord in a quiet tone of intense restraint i bent my head that would be very kind of you i said and i wondered that those standing near did not notice how choked and strained my voice was yes do pray do in our hostess you are quite sure my dear that there is nothing i can get for you the strange story of my life oh thank you no nothing i shall perhaps see you to morrow i shook hands with her and with her husband and with a mere gesture to the rest of the party turned away lord keeping his place beside me my servant walked at a little distance behind but not so near as to be able to hear what we were saying so we two who had parted just five years before in the cabin of a p and o boat turned and walked together down the terrace steps amid one of the brightest scenes in europe as we reached the lower level broke the silence he said what is the meaning of this the meaning i turned and looked at him oh the meaning i don t know i don t know i cannot tell you to night come and see me early in the morning ask for me at s i shall be alone prince will not be in till the afternoon	30
and who is prince he asked i don t know i am so dazed i i feel bewildered let me go home and get accustomed to this new state of affairs i thought you were dead i said in a voice that sounded like a wail of despair i thought that i had every proof of your death and you i had no proof of your death but i could find no trace of you alive he said gravely and yet without either reproach or bitterness in his tones i traced you to i found the child s grave and there i lost you i thought you must have died soon after her we had reached the end of the terrace by that time and i stopped and stood looking up at him in the brilliant lamp light go back to them now i said in a shaking voice to morrow we will tell each other don t tell them yet if the world has to be told what a cruel failure i have made of my life and yours and and his let me get out of before the blow falls a face from tht dead only tell me one thing have you too made the same false step that i have done he was holding both my hands in his firm warm clasp you mean have i married no how could i marry any other woman than yourself you were my first my only love i have had no temptation to put any other woman in your place i felt his words sink into my heart like lead and yet i was so innocent of having in any sense permitted another to him in my affections that i was able to look him straight in the eyes when i tell you everything i made reply you will not feel that i was tempted to marry again i think you will me and forgive me for what must seem to you now like to your memory but do you go back let me go home come to me early to morrow i have so much to tell you shall i not go back to the hotel with you no my servant will take care of me does the fellow speak english not a word he stood still a moment longer holding my two hands hard and looking down at me with a searching and eager gaze as if he would the thoughts of my very soul and read there what my trembling lips could not speak one question how long is it since you you changed your name just a year h m is is there a child i shook my head no there has b en no prospect of another child i heard him thank god to himself and then he pressed my hands again bade me good night lifted his hat and left me i scarcely know what happened next i went back to my apartments and when my women had attended me for the night i sat down at the open window overlooking the strange story of my life m the park with its dark broken by rows of twinkling lights over which the tender strains of a melancholy air came softly on the light evening breeze and i tried to realize what had happened it was useless think as i would i could not see light in any direction of course such a situation could not be hidden in a few days time every newspaper and journal in every civilized country in the world would be ringing with the story of the english lady who was at one time the wife of an english peer and of an nobleman i knew that nobody not even the two men who loved me could rightly blame me and yet what position should i be in what could i do i was wife to both and it seemed to me that i could be wife to neither i had married louis in all good faith on a clear and honest understanding with him he full well knowing that my heart was buried as i thought in a grave a soldier s grave that soldier had come back full of love oh that was plain to be seen and my heart had ere it sank at the sight of him i could not remain with prince equally certain was it that i could not go and take up my old life with my first love was ever a woman placed in such a position before what could i do what alternative had i to take was there a course which would be not and unjust to one or other of these two men who loved me oh there was none none save to go away to some quiet out of the way corner of the world where nobody would know my name or my wretched story and to hide myself from all human eyes at least from the eyes of all human things who would be likely to know me i felt that i had not deserved it i felt that this new trouble which had come upon me was none of my seeking had been none of my doing and yet i must suffer suffer it to the bitter end i looked round round the spacious room with its many evidences of my hitherto serene and contented life though not the life of my highest earthly happiness the tokens a face from the dead of that life were all swept far and wide there was nothing in my apartments that could remind me of that one bronze faced blue eyed man from whom i had just parted it may seem almost incredible but the dominant feeling in my heart during that dark hour was one almost of regret that the past had been so different to what i had thought it	30
during all the years that had gone by i was as much in love with as ever every touch of his hand every glance of his eyes every of his voice had the same old power to thrill my whole being through and through and yet i had no joy in this wonderful this unexpected meeting for there stood beside me during the long watches of that terrible night a vision of him who had left me on the day before who had been from first to last kind courteous and loving who would i knew have sacrificed himself in every possible way if by so doing he could have added to my welfare or to my happiness my heart all belonged to the old love but as i sat by the window and watched the twinkling lights go out one by one my woman s pity and my reason made me feel that i could give myself to neither of them these two men who loved me i felt like some weak frail storm tossed child trying to reach with either hand to an impossible salvation the strange story of my life chapter xxx two questions i had scarcely finished my of a breakfast the following morning when lord came to see me i was in my own sitting room trying hard to appear as and composed as usual and yet moving about now gazing out of the window now at my own wan in one of the hideous pier glasses trying to stop the throbbing of my temples by pressing the palms of my hands hard against them now holding my chin hard in my hand that i might still the horrible trembling of my under jaw and through my brain there ran two questions who am i what shall i do it was still very early far more early than i usually received visitors when i heard the door open and came gliding across the floor to me a gentleman is inquiring for madame la he said quietly lord does madame la receive this morning i put my hand up to my chin again and with an immense effort replied quietly and in something like my ordinary tones to the servant s question oh yes i will see lord you can bring him here the long hours of the night which i had spent in fighting with myself had taken half the strength out of me i felt as i waited for lord to be brought into my presence as if i could not even by the most effort keep from fainting then i heard the door open again and the servant s voice say lord for a moment i positively could not turn round but at two questions last i did so and he and i had met again all the restraint and conventional of the previous evening had left him he was no longer lord he was the old that i had loved and who had loved me in the years that were gone by he put out two trembling hands towards me and cried in a voice of the keenest anguish oh have you nothing to say to me i had nothing to say i was dumb speechless abashed before him why why did you marry the other fellow who is this man this prince how came you to marry him how came you to forget me i have never forgotten you i burst out he turned and looked at me i suppose that something in my tones told him the truth and set aside all the doubts that had been him during the hours of the night that was past do you mean he asked am i to understand is it true that you are mine still that you have not forgotten me that although you have married i have never been in your heart nobody has ever you i have so much to say that i do not know where to begin i don t know how to get you told before before he comes back where is he he has gone to see his mother who is at why were you not with him is his mother like mine oh no no if ever a saint trod the earth princess has the right to that name i married him in a large measure as a payment of my great debts to her when i first knew her at when the child died when i got the news of your death and of death and of lord s death there was no thought of my marrying prince he was away in africa i had never seen him and he had never seen or heard of me the strange story of my life we did not meet for six months afterwards there was no thought of my marrying him or anybody but she she did for me what no mother could have done better i lost my child and she lost hers we two poor lonely women helped and comforted each other with no thought of any closer tie arising between us and when i was left desolate oh you cannot think how desolate i was alone even nurse went with the rest how went he asked died everybody died in that plague stricken spot baby princess the landlord the landlady nurse she sacrificed her brave life as of others did in that terrible time i don t know who died after we left excepting that one of the sisters wrote and told me about nurse i got the news of your death at princess took me on board her as soon as her daughter was buried oh she was so good she offered to turn back to take the first steamer from to take me out to india but what would have been the good i had nowhere to go no	30
money well something like three hundred pounds no friends no home no husband no child i was desolate distracted stunned by my loss and by all that i had gone through and when she asked me to give the rest of my life to her to let her take the place of my mother when she asked me to take the place of the dear daughter she had left sleeping next to our baby at what else was i to do what better course could i have taken how was i to know that such a horrible mistake had been made how was i to look forward to anything like this but my dear child he said looking at me did it never occur to you that i had money that i had made a will leaving all my earthly possessions to you no i never thought of money two questions did it never occur to you that if i had fallen in action you would be entitled to a blood money i exclaimed nay dear not blood money but your right my right i repeated yes how was it that you or nobody about you ever thought of claiming that i never thought of it i never thought of it from the moment i had the news of your death until you now put it into my mind you see i was so stunned for months and months my brain seemed as if it would not think or act i never cried for you not one tear i never felt somehow that you were dead and when to save princess s life i reluctantly consented after he had been three years patiently waiting for me to marry her son i told him then that i had never realized your death that i had always the feeling that if i struggled on through this world i should find you up yonder somewhere or other oh you must not blame me you must not reproach me that i did not turn my thoughts as soon as i knew that i was left to my own devices to making money out of your death i never thought of it they were so rich money was nothing to them my love was everything to this heart broken mother and her protection was everything to me it was the only ray of light that fell across my path i am not you he said gently i only asked you a very natural question it is a thought that would have occurred to most people it was the one thing that made me believe that you must have died in that fever stricken little i found that you had not even applied to the war office for official confirmation of my death it is natural that i should think that nothing but death would have prevented you from making some communication or other with me but i had the proof i exclaimed i saw the proofs a dozen times first the news that bill was dead and that the strange story of my life you were wounded then that you had died of your wounds but that was poor he put in but he was reported as killed in the engagement no no he was brought in as dead but as a matter of fact he lived for some hours after the fight then i saw afterwards that lord had been stricken down and had died on hearing the news of his son s death i never saw any contradiction of the report of your death and everything seemed to confirm its truth why i continued we had actually an englishman staying at who had known poor bill and who told me that the present lord v as some distant relative and who was that oh a colonel he was attached to the british in at the time what of the ist life yes i suppose so i met only the other day in st james s street and you say that he knew you as mrs yes and knew that you were one of my family yes did he mention it yes i told him whose wife i was how you had died in the same expedition as young bill and i told him not to mention me to any member of the family you know they were not kind to me your mother was hateful to me none of your people were in the least nice to me excepting that poor boy and i felt that having lost you i would rather die than be for so much as a kind word to one of them and so i told him that if he saw any of the family he was not to say that he knew a mrs living in oh if you could know what i feel like at this two questions moment to think that i by my own act had deliberately blocked the way to our coming together again you have not reproached me but oh if you could know how bitterly bitterly i reproach myself reproaches will do no good to either of us he returned they would make the situation more difficult and several people very unhappy what is the good of them besides there is one thing that you forget my or that you have not yet realized that although you have married another man you are my wife as and as honestly to day as you were five years ago when we parted at what you have done in ignorance and and in good faith has not undone what you and i did at seven years ago you are my wife still i am your husband if you had forgotten me if you had learned to love the other chap better then the would be horrible but as i understand it you have not changed towards me	30
at all any more than i have changed towards you but what of him i asked in a scarcely audible voice of he must be told yes he must be told i have always been honest with him i am not going to begin being and now and yet to leave him and simply go back to my life with you why it is impossible i could not do such a thing if vou love me he began no no if i did not love you it would be far easier it is because i do love you because i have always loved you loved you oh with my whole heart and soul with every fibre of my being that i cannot turn my back upon the man who came in the hour of my life who gave me the shelter of his honorable name and put his great heart between me and a world that i was horribly afraid of but you would not from some mistaken sense of duty go back to him remain with him he exclaimed so the strange story of my life oh how can you ask me such a question how can i in the face of things as they are now be anything to either of you why i am wife to both i am wife to neither i can be wife to neither that i love you as i do as you must see for yourself i do makes no difference i have to consider my honor and my good faith before my love and even before yours he broke away from me and began to pace up and down the room who is to tell he asked suddenly pausing and standing in front of me i will tell him it will come best from me you had better remain in until i send for you i think he will probably wish to see you at all events you will not refuse to see him if he does we must consider him before ourselves poor devil yes there i beg your pardon i ought not to have spoken of him like that and yet the words slipped out because after all it is the worst for him before we were married i said i made a kind of bargain with him that under no circumstances should he ever reproach me with my dead love for you no i mean with my love for you whom i thought to be dead for my love had never died never and he told me then that he had never felt such sympathy for any human being in his life as for you yes really he did say that and he has lived up to it many a man who knew that my heart was buried in a grave would have troubled me about the past would have gone on worrying and protesting and asking questions until he received the assurance that he was the most loved of the two he has never done that he has been true to his word from first to last from beginning to end i love you the best but my respect and my affection for him are almost too sacred to speak of even to you he stayed a long time with me talking over all the possibilities that the future might hold making two questions i tions finding out holes by which i might go back to him with something like honor but by one i disposed of them all one might have thought that i was eager not to set the time back and sun myself once more in a glory of happiness but it was hot for that reason that i so held out against each and every suggestion that his brain could devise i can do nothing arrange nothing and consent to nothing until i have told him all were my last words it may seem strange but it was by the greatest effort that i once or twice spoke to my husband by his christian name my instinct was to treat him as a stranger to call him lord i had a curious sense about me of reserve and strangeness he on the contrary slipped back after the first few minutes into precisely the old terms of speech and be said when we parted you have not kissed me instinctively i drew back no don t ask me to do that until everything is settled i shall get through my task more bravely if i have been fair and honest towards the man who believes that i am his wife he understood me and bending down kissed my hands you will send for me he said yes as soon as there is anything to tell you and you will remember that i have been mourning you you for you during five long years i will not forget it i replied so he went away came bringing me flowers which some man or other had brought for me and then told me that luncheon was served in the adjoining room i sat down and looked at it but i ate nothing for a single would have choked me was politely distressed i am not very well i cannot eat i told him take it away don t trouble me with it the strange story of life so i went back and wandered up and down the waiting and yet impatiently for the time when louis would return what should i say to him how should i find words in which to tell him what would be the end of it all was i glad was i sorry i did not know i looked forward all was black black as night dark lowering impenetrable clouds seemed to have come thick and fast upon me and only one thing was inevitable that again i was to be the sport	30
of fate the ball of chance and tossed from one to the other without any will power of my own i was to be taken up by the roots and hurled out into the world yet once again what would be the end of it all who was i lady or the princess those were the two great questions which troubled who am i what shall i do left alone chapter left alone it was nearly four o clock when louis returned from he came into the with a laughing reproach upon his lips are you really here and alone he asked how was it then that you did not come down to the station to meet me you are beginning to neglect me i turned to meet him some instinct told him that something had happened he made a step towards me my dearest what has happened something has gone wrong with you you are ill yes i replied something has happened something has gone wrong something is amiss i don t know how to tell you what it is but how what is it what can have happened i only left you yesterday tell me quickly don t spin it out don t break it to me i don t know how to tell you i cried trembling in every limb i cannot break it to you i can only tell you the truth and almost but what is it he asked anxiously i went to dine with the last night on the terrace of the yes impatiently and among the guests was lord lord what the head of the family don t you understand no do i understand what had you never seen him before was there anything about him the strange story of my life t r i said i had seen him before don t you see what i mean i i had believed him to be dead it is quite true he looked at me do yon mean that lord is your first i had no words in which to reply i only looked at him but my eyes told him the pitiful truth then you i what am i who are you what does it all mean my good am i dreaming what does it all mean it means that i have been deceived not but by an extraordinary chain of accidents and of evidence that seemed too to doubt it means that i in my turn deceived you that i have been the victim of the most cruel and you of the most cruel fate that ever any man but you are the wife of both of us he cried i am not your wife louis i answered i am his lawful wife his legal wife you are not mine you are not princess he can take you away from me it is not a question of taking me away it is rather a certainty that i can be nothing to either of you and he has never married no and he loves you still oh of course he does i need not ask such a question who that had known you once and possessed you could cease to love you could cease to regard you as the pole star of his existence what did he say what did he do why don t you tell me everything i sat down upon the nearest couch and drew him to sit beside me in truth my limbs were shaking so that i could no longer stand so there we sat together and i told him as far as i could do ever that had happened the previous evening and during my conversation with lord that morning left alone you will remember louis i said when i had told him the whole tale from beginning to end you will remember that day at when i reluctantly consented to become your wife that i told you that i had never been able to shake off the feeling that i should find my husband again somewhere some day i thought that he was dead i thought that it would be up yonder that i should find him i had no hope no suspicion that he might be still alive and looking for me and yet i had never realized that he was dead i had left him strong and well in the very pride and bloom of his manhood he had never seemed dead to me as he would have done had i seen him die with my own eyes you remember my saying that oh yes i remember everything for years he has believed me dead as i thought him as soon as he was free of the service he went to to seek tidings of me to be met on all hands by tales of death disease disaster and woe the landlord of the hotel where we stayed he was gone his wife the nurse the doctor one by one those who had known me had died in that plague stricken spot and there was no record of my stay beyond my name in the hotel books as having gone there on a certain date and my little child s name in the books of the where she lies sleeping there was no trace of my leaving how should there be for as you know i left on board the i left under the shelter of your mother s and my own name never appeared nobody asked nobody cared to know where we were going we were going on to the there was no time for little such as tracing the personality of every person mentioned in the the authorities were only too glad to see the last of us for fear that a woman of your mother s rank should die in and have her name all over europe her name and	30
her they were too anxious to hide v s the strange story of my life everything only too eager and willing to help us to take flight so as he could find no trace of me he believed that i too was dead especially as i never sought any official confirmation of his death it all came through the mistake which arose between his name and his cousin s in the concerning the killed and wounded almost his first question to me was to ask why believing that he was dead i had not made good my claim to his property and to the to which i should have been entitled in the event of his death i never thought of it i told him so with regard to his property well i was so stunned so broken by my losses that i never gave so much as a thought to it and money never seemed to enter into your mother s calculations one way or the other as for a why it would have seemed like blood money i ought to have thought of it if i had been a little older i probably should have thought of it and we should have been spared you would have been spared all this pain this dreadful revelation and which has come upon you now he made a fierce gesture of his arm as if i need say nothing more about that don t reproach yourself he said you acted in all good faith and we persuaded you my mother and i against your will i shall tell lord that when i go to see him you are going to see him yes i shall go now i think that i had better send for my mother she will know what to do for you i cannot have you go out into the world with nobody who understands your nature or have you made up your mind that you will go back to the husband to whom you rightly belong no i said no i shall not go back i told him so i have in a sense wronged you both failed you both failed myself most of all but i will be just and true to each of you whatever it costs me if your mother would come to me perhaps she won t it would help me through this left alone terrible time even if it was only for a little while i would be so grateful i will send for her i will only ask you one question before i go to despatch a message to her and seek out this this husband of yours you have been contented almost happy with me i turned and put my hands into his louis i said earnestly if it is any comfort for you to know it i have been more than contented as your wife i cannot help loving him best because he was the first and you cannot undo what is done but i would rather that things had been as i believed them to be all along and yet oh no no it is not quite the truth to tell you that i could not help my heart leaping at the sight of him it is best to be honest with you you have made me happy you have made me content you healed my broken heart as nobody else in the world could have done and all that i can do for you all that i have been able to do for you has been to ruin your life we won t talk about that he said bravely if you have ruined my life it is by no conscious act of yours i cannot allow you to speak of yourself so to me you are as you have always been the best and dearest woman that the world holds don t abuse yourself it is not necessary i go to send for my mother he kissed my hands as the other one had done and i was once more left alone and for the next hour i remained alone and in a dazed state of wretched waiting one of my women came and brought me some tea which i drank with feverish thirst then louis came back again told me that he had seen lord that he agreed with him that the princess was the only person who could me at that time he is a fine fellow that husband of yours said louis with a generosity which was all his own i don t wonder that you were so reluctant to put anyone in his place he with me fully that you could not go back to him at present and it the strange story of my ufe yet as i told him it falls terribly hard upon him to find his wife after so long a time and to have no joy in the i feel as if when my mother comes that she will be able to see some way out of the difficulty some way by which you can eventually go back to him after all three lives be wrecked where two at least might be perfectly happy i will abide by what the princess i said in a low tone what she me to do i will do i know that she will advise me rightly you will meet her when she comes yes you will tell her everything you won t leave it to me it was bad enough that i had to break it to you you will tell her for me you won t let her blame me she wiu understand my situation my mother will understand you he replied she will be here at nine o clock but you will remember that she is frail and delicate but there i need not tell you how to treat her i	30
did not see either of them again that evening i mean either prince or lord at the usual time i went and sat down at the dinner table and forced myself to take some soup and wine for i as fast becoming and exhausted and at nine o clock my dear princess mother arrived and the end chapter and the end for the first time since the news had come to me i was able to give way and lean upon somebody else neither in the case of prince or lord had i dared to show a sign of the white feather because i felt that any sign of weakness on my side would double the pain and anguish that each was suffering but when my dear adopted mother came with all her woman s heart in her dear eyes came with arms outstretched and caught me close to her tender heart i knew that i had found a haven which had never failed me and which would never fail me in this world my poor child my dear dear p she cried in accents of the most tender pity i shall never cease to reproach myself for this new trial which has come upon you louis has told me everything my poor child one cannot feel sorry and yet the pity of it all is so great oh my dear to think of the years of your young life wholly wasted to think that we who loved you we who had no wish but for your best and truest interests should have persuaded you into a step which has brought ruin and disaster upon all of us yes i louis has told me there is the poor husband not daring to rejoice in having found you again and my poor boy who has lost you it is only i who can remain feeling towards you as in the beginning and you do princess you do mother i cried oh my dear of course i do it is sad for both of them but it is far for you but you are right you could not go back not as things are at present my dear you have always the right instinct and your instinct o the strange story of my life was right when you held out so long against marrying louis we ought to have trusted that instinct of yours it was but since we would have our way he and i we must stand aside now and think only of you louis is a man it is a great trial the greatest and most terrible that could have come upon him but he is a man and men must be strong and bear for the other he must wait for you a little longer until your own feeling shows you what you ought to do what is the best and the most right for you to do and for me darling child i am at your service we have stood by each other too long you and i to desert each other now we will go away you and i we will leave these two strong men to fight out their trouble by themselves and you and i will protect and help each other but dear mother i said will you answer me one question who am i my dear she said there is no question as to who you are you are lord s wife you are lady your marriage to my son was an accident it is and void it is no marriage louis will have to see his lawyers he will have to have everything put upon a proper legal footing for the sake of yourself and your future and of his family but you are lady when we go away from this you must bear that name it is your own and the whole world will have to know it the whole world must know it ought to know it it is imperative that the world knows it she added with great decision and there is nothing to be ashamed of it is a misfortune for which the whole civilized world will pity each one of us but there is no blame that can be attached to you if there is any blame it is attached to me to louis for we two persuaded you nay we did more than that we over persuaded you to take a step against your instinct against your better judgment i might say almost against your natural inclination and what will become of louis and the end my dear we will go you and i to some quiet place where we can await events as they arise i will take some in a neighborhood where we are not known and we will stay there until everything has been put right with the lawyers that is necessary that is your plain duty so far as louis is concerned after that we can shape our plans according to our wishes and according to what seems wisest to us both at the time louis will make his own plans you and i know well enough to feel that he can be trusted to make them wisely and to follow them bravely i knew that her words were wise as i knew that her heart was right and it was comfort unspeakable that i who was right in the course which i had marked out for myself should have this brave patient and tender woman to walk beside me and hold my hand along a way which was bitter a way which was apparently hopeless i felt more brave more patient more safe i felt as if i had strength and courage to live on to the end whatever that end might be we left the next day she and i by easy stages as far as in which	30
boys will be the ruin of you said miss with severity i remember once my dear mother me most severely because one of my brothers taught me to whistle or i should say because she found out that i could whistle much better than my want of money brothers could my mother was angry with me because i whistled and my brother was angry because i better than he did i think brothers are a mistake my dear and other people s brothers are a greater mistake still at the beginning of this conversation had been standing at the window overlooking the trim and gay garden which spread around the cottage she turned away from the window and dropped in a heap at her aunt s feet do you mean to tell me that you ever whistled she cried i am afraid i did my dear you see i was young answered the good lady in a tone of distinct apology young of course you were young and what harm was there in whistling it was not very murmured miss echoed no dear and why isn t whistling because only one woman in a thousand is capable of whistling even a little tiny bit i don t wonder that your brother was angry he was jealous she cried ah well poor fellow he s been dead and gone this many a year and he was fond of me very fond of me he left me all that he had to keep me ib comfort for the rest of my days poor george poor george there was a moment s silence while miss sighed over the late of the loved dead and gone brother then spoke she said yes dear child i wish you would do something for me well i wish you would show me at least i wish you would let me hear do whistle something oh my dear i couldn t exclaimed miss lo heart and sword and her tone was that of a person as thoroughly shocked as even her mother could have desired but dear there s no reason why you couldn t whistle now just as you did when you were a girl you ve no false teeth artificial teeth dear well artificial teeth it s just the same thing your teeth are your own it is change of teeth that stops people from whistling just as they used to do why shouldn t a lady of your age whistle just as well as a girl of mine it would not be continued miss shaking her head well i heard the squire whistling away yesterday just as as could be it was enough in him and he is ten years older than you are i don t know i don t think i could said miss in the tone of one beginning to oh do try if any one was to hear me miss objected they would only think it was me and girls do things nowadays you know but my dear child oh dear do just one air the last rose of summer thus and with several preliminary starts miss began to whistle the plaintive irish melody looking the while like the last rose of summer herself was in she was and extremely fond of her aunt but had always up to that moment regarded her as the essence of propriety and to see her with her soft faded face up and to hear this boy s music as the result was quite the droll want of money u est experience that ever had up to that time entered into her life miss heard no more that day on the subject of s frock when the time came for her to go off to the she appeared looking very fresh and fair in a gown of white which was scarcely crushed her throat her tiny waist and her white sailor hat alike encircled by pale blue ribbons my dear miss cried nobody would know that you had not put that gown on an hour ago margaret it out for me said looking down complacently at her attire i shall be all right good bye at seventeen when the heart is young and the feet are light small matters of dress do not give trouble for very long the little at the were always bright and s own special attraction in the form of would be there miss looked over the tops of her spectacles as the slim young figure went down the road a sweeter girl her thoughts ran never trod the earth another girl might have been disagreeable or sulky it is hard that she should not have all the advantages of dress which her youth and her pretty face demand meantime had gone along the shaded country road and turned in at the gates was the first to perceive her and came long handsome young man along the drive to meet her he was six or seven years older than and had been for over five years in the black horse otherwise the th he said reproachfully you are very late oh no that fm not why it has but just struck three by the church clock what are you talking of heart and sword it seemed late he said not pressing the point further anyhow they ve made up a set and and are playing a single so let us go along to the kitchen garden and see what we can get in the way of they might have waited never mind it s just as good i d sooner have than any day wouldn t you well i don t know that i wouldn t they turned as she spoke into a side path down the look here said old is in the kitchen garden let us stay here and talk for a while he took her hand and drew her into	30
an old fashioned i don t know why you need mind said who after her walk up the road was not averse to the thought of no but i wanted to ask you something we can go and get at any time something has happened to me something has happened to you what sort of a something well something has happened to me i didn t know until this morning that the th have had to take the place of the th i thought that we were not to go to india for nearly three years but since the th have had to go to canada we come next on the for india and that means he stopped short and looked at her well and that means it means my dear that i shall be in india for eight or ten years oh no you wouldn t mind would you want of money oh well he said almost roughly one never knows what a girl will do look here we ve never been exactly you and i but been in love with you ever since ever since i could walk well not quite that but ever since you could walk as long as i could see you and i knew you were safe here i i said nothing but when i know that i ve got to go to india to the other side of the world can t you understand i i i suppose you don t like it said in a little voice don t like it oh why it s enough to break my heart you won t let me go away utterly wretched will you you ll give a chap some hope some encouragement you ll you do care for me she shot one glance at him out of her grey eyes the lashes which shaded them were long and dark but that single glance revealed to the young man all that was in the girl s heart he caught her to him with a fierce exclamation and the next moment was covering her with kisses what does it matter india an so long as you and i understand each other and are to he cried and without any further explanation close to him and forgot miss the everything excepting the bliss of the moment they had got no further when nearly an hour had gone by and half a dozen of the others came gaily along the path in quest of sit tight don t say anything said drawing his long legs in and them under the seat pull that white skirt of yours in there they re past no here are some of the others coming as the last couple went past they heard a girl s voice say i can t think why hasn t come heart and sword i fancy she did come returned the man s deeper tones with a comprehensive emphasis then they re somewhere about into the i shouldn t wonder speaking very loudly and clearly out of it this time con remarked as the pair passed on and after all exclaimed they are all going after the too why should they grudge us a few and they filled up the courts why should they grudge our amusing ourselves differently he caught at the word amusing do you mean to say that you re amusing yourself with me well i didn t exactly mean that of course not you know that perfectly well but i think that it is rather amusing to to to get engaged to one another said well yes to get engaged to one another i think it is distinctly amusing and only amusing oh well i didn t say that don t take me up in that way if you do i shall repent before i know where i am he caught her to him again my dear my dear don t say such things even in jest he exclaimed with a certain wistful passion which sat strangely upon his young face you shouldn t say such things you don t seem to that we ve given ourselves to each other for all time that it s not a joke we ve gone in for but deadly sober earnest but i do she said almost i understand perfectly well how can you say such a thing if i didn t understand that i should certainly not be fit to be your wife or to be anybody s wife i wonder she said a few minutes later when he had expressed his the powers that be for having doubted her i wonder what they will say when they hear of it i mean the others your mother and the and and all the rest of them i wonder what they will say that we are the most sensible people in the world i tell you what we will go in and have tea there s the bell and then we will collar the before he gets out of the road chapter ii the powers that be and his son were about as unlike in person as any and son in the whole world was long and and dark the was middle sized inclined to and as as a child as fair as the english with a pink and white clean shaven ice a pair of blue eyes and beautiful manners something between a parson and a squire was the s strongest point tradition in said that the had been chosen for the office wholly and solely because of his he came into the long handsome dining room of the that day with a smooth and pleasant greeting which included the general assembly ah young people have you been enjoying yourselves to which there was a general reply of yes mr and very much mingled together you all look very hot said	30
the heart and sword excepting my little friend who is as cool and as fresh as the at this the two girls went off into covert of laughter whereupon frowned at them and herself blushed a fine rosy red which gave her away as completely as her greatest enemy could have wished the bland however perceived nothing and when half an hour later his eldest son sought him alone in his special it was with a face of the astonishment that he heard the news which his had to tell you propose to marry little he exclaimed why my dear boy have you thought what you mean i think so su said just a little of course she is a dear little girl said the in a tone which told his son that an objection of some sort would certainly follow but but what sir well what are you going to live upon that is all for the first time looked distinctly blank to live upon well i suppose upon the usual thing he said in a tone almost of indifference the usual thing my dear boy for young people to live on is money said the in his most manner you will have a certain amount of money by and by but not at present your mother naturally is my first consideration if it should please the almighty to take me to himself which god forbid put in in tones thank you my dear boy thank you but if it should please the lord to take me i am only mortal like other men and must pay the debt of nature in my time in the lord s time what money i have will go to your mother during her lifetime it stands as a matter the powers that be of course my dear boy as a matter of course that your mother must be provided for before you can think of setting up of your own you ve no objection to objection my dear boy my only objection is the want of money the girl herself is delightful her aunt has been for many years one of my oldest and most valued friends of course there are no objections as objections simply worldly considerations my dear boy worldly considerations nothing else but one must think of worldly considerations one s mind is very well but one has to think of one s poor body our bodies are always with us i have always thought that things might have been arranged somewhat differently it seems hard that we should have to think at the most unselfish and disinterested moment of our lives of such worldly things as food and drink clothing and the possibilities of a family if you and little marry what will you live on well sir it is quite possible for a cavalry officer in india to live on his pay the smiled in a somewhat superior manner my dear my dear boy i admire your and your you are quite right to feel that the girl of your choice is worth any sacrifice you can make but my dear you have never yet found your allowance more than sufficient for you i think this delicate hint that he had on more than one occasion had to his elder son s allowance by a little paternal help brought with something of a shudder to a of the first check in his yes i know sir but when a fellow is when he has no particular stay to keep him straight he money without thinking of it i heart and sword and when a fellow has a wife said the and half a dozen children well sir they wouldn t all come at once said perhaps not i would be the first to say god forbid but at the same time my dear boy a soldier s income is not one which goes on increasing with the rapidity of a soldier s family i am not opposing your wishes i only want you to look at the matter from a strictly business like point of view and to think of what you might have to say to yourself half a dozen years hence supposing that i say to you i will give you another hundred a year that would make four hundred a year you have never yet as a bachelor lived under three hundred and your pay and you are not likely as a married man to be able to provide for a wife on a less amount we must be reasonable we must be reasonable before we are or before we allow ourselves to fall in love on the other hand my esteemed old friend miss may be able to do something for her niece i fancy not much h the idea is horrible said indignantly yes it is horrible but no mare horrible than that the child must be fed and clothed our poor bodies again our poor bodies always with us my dear boy i think you had better leave this delicate matter to me i will go and see my old friend i am quite sure that i can put it in such a way that she will not take it amiss whatever i may say she knows me she knows me well ours has been a friendship of long standing and she knows that i have my own children to provide for that i am careful and prudent and far seeing and these are all qualities for which a father should not be blamed there is no offence to the little girl in frankly admitting that you and she cannot live cannot exist i should say the powers that be upon nothing i will take my hat and stroll down to the cottage miss takes her cup of tea about this hour and i will talk it over with her put his	30
told and the played a tune upon his chin with the tips of his fingers with a rapidity which conveyed volumes to miss s observant eyes you see he said i perhaps rather foolishly put into a cavalry regiment i allow him three hundred a year and he has never found it quite enough so far i have always had to make it up to four or supposing i make it up to four or even four and fifty can they live upon it i don t know anything about cavalry or what are the expenses connected with them said miss helplessly well i believe the generally accepted feet is that life under a thousand a year in a cavalry regiment for a married man is not to be thought of now my dear miss i cannot give my son a thousand a year nor i she sighed though i would if i could heaven knows i am sure you would and so would i but as we haven t got it we cannot give it now what do you think is the best thing to do the powers that be miss sat bolt upright i don t understand you she said at last well what do you think this couple had better do had we better forbid the engagement forbid the engagement oh poor children no let them be happy while they can yes but what are they going to be happy on i can allow four hundred a year that is the best i can do so long as my wife and i are alive after that he will have four hundred a year more but not until my wife is gone supposing that i her which is not unlikely as she is about ten years younger than i am but that is not for the present they cannot marry on four hundred a year are you prepared to do anything miss gave a shudder my dear said she in accents my dear i am not a young woman fifty three if you are a day said he to himself but aloud he remarked in his most bland manner we are none of us young my dear lady we are all getting on yes dear that is true but you know i am not rich indeed i have but a slender income and i really do not see that i can do anything for them all that i have will be my dear child s when i am gone but i cannot afford to make anything like an allowance even if i suggested that she should have her little dress and pocket money as she has had in the past it would be but a a drop in the ocean and it would not suffice to provide for the clothes of a married woman in the position of s wife in the position of a lady in a regiment i see nothing for it but telling them that their dream is an impossibility said the it is a cruel thing to do but it is kinder than letting them themselves up with false hopes heart and sword oh my dear my dear don t crush love s young dream said miss in a tremulous voice i might have been a happy wife now if so much care had not been taken by my father and mother over the question of ways and means they are very young my little girl is not more than a child let them wait a year or two will but their love let them wait i entreat you don t my dear crush the light out of their lives for ever chapter iii consent the immediate result of the s interview with the mistress of the cottage was a conversation with his son my dear boy he said on his return to the i went and had a very long and conversation with the old lady she is not prepared to do anything i didn t expect she would said shortly well it is no use being offended at plain speaking said the sensibly enough neither you nor the little girl can live upon air any more than the rest of the world miss told me positively that what is hers will eventually be the child s you have chosen to think of your heart before your worldly prospects for which i honour you but there is nothing but waiting for it we will wait for a little time sir said and when the time comes for the regiment to go to india we will be married and exist very well out there on our means consent the gave a sigh i don t know i am sure but i have always understood that india is a place where you want three times as much money as you do in any part of europe to live in any sort of comfort it is true a man gets double pay but he has to keep fourteen or fifteen servants but you are young and the child is young and you must manage your affairs as you think fit i like her and should be delighted to have her for my daughter in law so long as you have sufficient to live upon all i ask of you is don t marry in a hurry think what you are doing before you do it don t take any leap in the dark because very few people have the luck to leap just into the right place in the end and decided that they would content themselves with being engaged had a happy go lucky disposition and immense faith in the probability of something turning up was so intensely happy in the new state of affairs that she never thought of looking beyond the morrow and so the days of s not very long leave wore away and when he returned	30
to his regiment it was leaving behind him with an engagement ring on her finger and his image firmly fixed in her heart it is a delightful thing for a girl to be engaged to the man of her choice especially if she lives in the country and her lover is a handsome gallant dashing youth with all the and all the fascination of a soldier it was astonishing that could be so happy when she and were apart miss asked her once or twice if she were quite sure that she cared for him why yes she answered of course i care for him how can you ask me such a question i he is my beau ideal of everything that a soldier and an englishman and one s future husband should be what could i wish for more than is heart and sword you could wish that he were a little richer my dear said miss rather but he would be all the same no matter how rich either of us were so she went on her careless and sunny way spending a good deal of her time writing long letters to and enjoying herself otherwise whenever the chance of doing so came in her way she was accepted at the as a daughter of the house and took that position with as natural an air as if she had been born so or as if she were already s wife and so the days flitted by the bright tints of summer faded into autumn and autumn in turn gave place to the chill of winter christmas time saw at the again with his long leave before him what a winter it was there were dances both formal and and parties indeed of all kinds and finally who was a member of a well known amateur dramatic club conceived the idea of arranging an entertainment to be given in the school room of village the whole proceedings were kept a profound secret and when the evening came it was who carried off the honours then the company was asked to repeat the show in the hall of the neighbouring town of for the benefit of the county hospital and received such notices in the local papers as would have turned the heads of many a girl of her age but happy and secure in s love was not even a little puffed up by her success and the whole family at the found that she was even sweeter than they had thought before it was rather an expensive time for miss an engaged young lady unless she is going to be married immediately always requires more clothes and more et in the way of clothing than at any other time consent her life and s little needs seemed to be true was continually giving her gloves and and scent and other apparently trivial presents which all the same ran away with a great deal of money flowers for any special occasion expensive for her to eat in fact his lover s gifts upon her exactly as if he had three thousand a year instead of three hundred and in spite of these attentions of the expense of the engagement was a heavy drain upon miss s slender purse she said at last just before s leave was at an end you really must make pink dress do for lady william s dance oh i can t cried my dear you must but i have torn all the edge off the skirt then you must go into and get a to match it and mend it up yourself i cannot afford a new dress you must make do with what you have it goes to my heart child to deny you anything but believe me i have spent more already than i can afford or than i ought to have done you must make do for once and did make do with the aid of margaret the and with the addition of a little advice and attention from miss herself the impossible dress was until even a keen eye could hardly have told it from new and went to lady william s ball and enjoyed herself almost more than she had ever enjoyed herself in her life it has been a heavenly evening she said to as they drove home through the frosty moonlight together i don t i have a sort of feeling that is that we shall never be quite as happy again somehow oh my dearest he cried shifting the reins into his heart and sword right hand that he put his left arm about her oh my dearest don t say that it is only the beginning the first one of a long series of happy evenings of wonderful days together but was perfectly right that night was destined to be the last careless and joyful evening that she would pass for some little time she slipped quietly to her room when had seen her safely to the door of the cottage and getting quickly into bed slept such sleep as only young and happy things ever enjoy and in the morning margaret came to her with a scared face and bade her get up telling her that something dreadful had happened in the night another had entered that quiet household besides the happy girl going home from her one who had passed the threshold noiselessly and unseen for miss the sweet old lady the dear aunt the good neighbour the model mistress had fallen quietly asleep that winter s night and was lying at that moment among her pillows a smile of sweet serenity upon her marble face she had died as we all should wish to die calmly unconsciously she had died in her sleep so the doctor said drifting out one world into the other as quietly as a baby asleep upon its mother s bosom the	30
consternation and sorrow expressed in the village was and deep s grief was overwhelming in her despair she abandoned herself to a very anguish of distress the girls from the as soon as they heard the news ran to the cottage but felt themselves powerless to deal with this of woe so they ran back for their mother who with her down to the and forbade her to enter cottage again there was no question of her returning to the cottage she could not go back alone with only the two servants consent good and faithful as they had proved themselves to be the was her natural place and she naturally enough remained there there was a terrible time of waiting and preparation for the funeral a few days during which submitted to be measured for certain black garments and lay most of her time weeping passionately upon her bed then there was a solemn ceremony made beautiful with many flowers which consigned the delicate refined gentle old lady to her last resting place and after that there was blank astonishment and surprise for the discovered that miss s income had consisted solely of an an bought for her and left to her by the brother whose favourite she had been there was a will oh yes it left everything of which she died possessed to her great niece it was made out with all formality of law but the amount of property which it conveyed might at the outside have been valued at five hundred pounds the furniture of the cottage the silver which had been her mother s a string of pearls of no particular size shape or colour and three or four old fashioned rings that was all that came between and the world a more worldly girl would have thought of giving back his promise to and setting him fi ee of his engagement did not do that because it never entered her mind she said to him a few days after the funeral when his leave was drawing very near to a close i have been thinking about what sweetheart well you know i always thought was rather well off i mean in her small way and that when she died oh my poor darling i shall never see her again and then she burst out weeping afresh and her not to trouble herself further heart and sword i must talk about it she said presently choking down her tears and forcing back her sobs because you are going away and it has got to be faced sooner or later why did you ask me to marry you i am not even such a good match for you as i thought i was my dearest we can t help that now said he very kindly no perhaps not and yet and yet we ve got to face one thing that as your father said when we first became engaged we can t live upon nothing you ve wasted all your money upon me these last few months enough to have kept me for a year oh nothing of the kind a few little trifling presents that a would cover at the outside no i only wish it were so i m afraid i ve been dreadfully thoughtless and you too but there s one thing very certain and that is that we have got to face the truth now we can t live upon nothing and i can t go on living here much longer my dear child surely my people haven t made you fed unwelcome believe me they had no intention of doing that no they ve been goodness and kindness itself but i m not their daughter i m not one of you yet and until we are married i must do something for myself do something for yourself he echoed what do you mean well i must earn my living in some way earn your living what preposterous nonsense it is not nonsense it is necessity she said with a strange dignity which would have made him laugh at a time less painful and less serious but my dear child what can you do i don t know yet but i want you to promise me before you go away that you will not oppose me in any consent thing that i find she said putting her hand upon his arm and looking very frail and small in her deep mourning attire no work can be dear always told me so perhaps she knew that i might have to do something some day and she wanted to prepare me for the time when people t think quite so much of me but it s it s it s absurd he exclaimed no dear it s not absurd it s true you work don t you that i do and precious hard sometimes then why shouldn t i work too it would be a pleasure to me and a glory to me your people can never feel if i do something if it is only to put on the time that i sat down with folded hands and let them put bread into my mouth until you were ready to marry me if you were rich dear boy i would say let us be married to morrow but you are not rich and we cannot be married your father says so so we will just do the best we can until fate brings us together again and you will never forget me you will remember always that i am thinking of you and in a sense working for you he was so touched that he could not speak something like tears came into his eyes this proud young man in the very of his youth this soldier who had given his heart for love and for love alone there mingled with his	30
emotion a feeling that he ought to have thought more of the future that he ought to have guarded against such a possibility as this that he had been her lover in no very true sense that the pleasant time of the past was a time to be looked back upon with something of shame that he was not in truth worthy of the girl who had cast in her lot with his can you imagine he said at length when he could trust himself to speak can you what it is to me to have such words pass between us that you you heart and sword little soft tender gentle thing should suggest going out into the world to earn your living what can you do go and be a lady s maid go into a shop what have you in your mind i have an idea in my head she said but it is neither to be a lady s maid nor to go into a shop all i want is your consent stay here i cannot you have never thought me proud before i should be proud to share your money if you could keep a roof over our heads my pride will not let me stay here a upon your father s that i cannot do and you must never ask me to do it i think that i see my way clear i will stay here a few days when you have given me your promise and we will have the rest of our time together in perfect peace without any or differences of opinion they may possibly come afterwards i see she said with still that quaint and dignity which was so new to her i see that you are surprised to think that i have a brain which can act of others dear boy i have never had to act before i have had everything done for me all my life i have been thought for and cared for and i never knew what it was until now to be grateful for it and now i am going to show you and all those who know me that i am worth something that i am not a useless log or a child to be thought for only by others at all events with your consent i am going to try and do something for myself but what that she said i cannot tell you to day when you are gone i am going to london for two or three days and i shall be able afterwards to tell you everything if my plans turn out as i expect all i want is your consent to leave me a free hand in reply to which caught her in his arms and kissed her many times sir john q c my love he said my sweetheart i would that you had asked me for something that was harder to give than the consent that you shall do as you like and that i will trust you as i would trust you if you were already my wife chapter iv sir john q c the few days visit to london of which had spoken to was the subject of a battle royal between the girl and the powers that ruled at the for once in her life mrs forgot to be my dear child she said in a very decided tone if you want to go to london on business the will take you and will bring you back again going to london for a few days on business is an indefinite arrangement to which i shall never give my consent mrs said the girl turning very pale i haven t asked your consent no mrs i have s consent and that is sufficient for me a mere child like you the s wife i am not such a child said with her pathetic dignity well to the and if knows it is enough has not all the wisdom in the world exclaimed his mother perhaps s mother knows better even than possibly that is so but as as am heart and sword s consent is enough please do not say any more about it i of it utterly where are you going i will tell you all when i come back said the girl who was determined not to open her mouth further than was absolutely necessary i suppose you are going to an hotel exclaimed mrs no i shall go to the house where and i always stayed together where they know me very well a boarding house cried mrs in highest disgust it is riot a boarding house said thought most highly of mrs johnson she is a most worthy person always said so but why are you going on this wild goose chase why cannot you confide in us if it is some remembrance of your aunt or some business that your aunt you to in case of her death why cannot you confide in us i will confide in you when i come back said with a determination equally as strong as that of her future mother in law listen to me said mrs suddenly herself and speaking in an extremely severe tone i should be sorry to say which you might fancy was unkind at such a time as this but it seems to me that you are treating us in a very extraordinary manner you have taken a place in the house as one of my daughters and you defy me in a way which my own daughters would not dare to do do you think that is right no mrs said looking straight at her sweetheart s mother that certainly would not be right i have not taken the place of a daughter in your house i shall do that i hope when i become s wife sir john q c but not before i am	30
staying here as your guest for a few days i thank you very much for your hospitality but i cannot give my freedom in return for it you are doing what i do not understand you said did you say that you were here as my guest and am i not the girl asked here as a guest mrs repeated in a tone of intense surprise surely when you brought me here when dear died with a crossing her face which even her new found dignity could not wholly hide there was no suggestion and in my mind no thought of my coming here in other way for a minute or two mrs impatiently upon the breakfast table with her dainty fingers she said at last i think you do not how very your position here is to what it would have been if poor aunt had told us that that that that her income was chiefly from an wouldn t you have asked me if you had known said simply oh no no my dear child i don t say that at all but my dear you must be aware that this has put your marriage with further off than ever and you ought to be more to our wishes more anxious to please us i could not be more anxious to please than lam i am sure could not wish you to go off on this wild goose chase by yourself knows has consented please mrs don t say anything more about it i am quite to be trusted and i will tell you everything as soon as i return she rose fi om her seat at the table and ni heart and sword mrs said not a word until the door had closed behind her then she looked down the breakfast table at the did you ever see such an obstinate little in all your life well well well the child is in trouble my dear i think you were very hard upon her that is what you men always say let the pretty little girl do what she likes go where she pleases get into what she can and then you will have to help her out of them i can t think what that foolish boy wanted to get engaged to her for exactly for the same reason that i got engaged to you my dear said the in his tones yes that s all very well all very well but it is tiresome that he should tie himself up to a girl so young and without a penny what can she be going to london for i really don t know and not knowing can t say said the turning his newspaper with a resigned air but certain it is that she doesn t mean to satisfy your curiosity until she comes back again and so you had far better possess your soul in patience until she returns after all as the child says she has s consent and that is really all that is necessary later in the day went off to london by herself her future mother in law gave her the edge of a cheek to kiss and the himself drove her to the station you have money enough my dear he said kindly h yes i have quite enough money thank you dear mr so she went away with a kindly impression on her mind after all with the s charming pink and white face smiling an adieu and at last she was off on her way to face the world sir john q c arrived in london she drove as she had been used to do on the occasions when she had come with her aunt to the small and select private hotel where she had arranged to stay the good lady who conducted this highly respectable came to the door to meet her took her in her arms kissed her and made so much fuss over her that the grief stricken heart of the girl was touched beyond measure the old lady drew her into her own little where she had a cup of tea awaiting her and there she made her sit by the fire and drink her tea while she heard the story of poor miss s sudden end and are you going to stay there my dear the old lady asked not in little oh no i think not i have come up to see a very great friend of s on business i shall be there to and fro with the con at the because of course he is he is the father of the man that i am going to marry and they were great friends of dear s and of course i have known them all my life i shall go sometimes to them but i i want to live in london at least i think i shall have to live in london for the present until i am married at all events mrs johnson to the girl with any more questions she made very much of her that evening insisted upon her this dish and that and kept the other young people staying in the house fi om her with too many questions or too much conversation and the following morning when she had forth and a cab got into it and was driven away in the direction of the city she felt sad and yet strangely elated as she drove through the busy streets that sharp winter s morning once in the strand she was soon at her destination and having paid the fare she turned up a narrow covered passage heart and sword self in a small surrounded by tall houses she counted the numbers and turning into the of number seven she passed up the stairs until she came to a door on the first floor on which	30
was written sir john at this she knocked a timid little tap which met no response then she tried again this time a more loudly in reply to which a voice fi om within roared to her to enter she opened the door and found herself in a room where two clerks were sitting each at a separate desk can i see sir john she asked half hesitatingly one of the clerks looked up miss he asked in an tone yes that is my name sir john expects to see me he got up at once yes madam please come this way sir john is waiting for you poor little thing he remarked to his companion as he sat down at his desk again meantime with a quickly beating heart had walked into the presence of the great q c sir john i hope she said as she laid her hand in his that you do not think me very bold to come here and ask advice of you he was a very tall and large man and he stood looking down upon her with a very kindly expression upon his clean shaven rather ugly face my dear miss he said speaking in a rich mellow voice it is a perfectly natural thing that your aunt s niece should come here to ask advice of me we were great friends she and i i regret her death deeply sit down my dear young lady if there is sir john q c anything that i can do to serve you why it is done already she hesitated for a moment well she said i ought to tell you that has not left me much to live upon all that she had poor darling but it was not much because she lived herself upon an i didn t know it never told me she always seemed to think that money should not be talked about as if it were not quite to talk about money but now i am left i have got to think about money and to think a lot ah that often happens so said sir john in the tone of one to whom nothing can come as a surprise of course i knew that your aunt never had much money but i thought of late years that she had enough to live upon so she had but it was from an my george an for her left it to her explained and i i want to earn money and i want you to help me to help you to earn money ah now you have set me a difficult task he said i don t think so said you know everybody i want to go on the stage sir john go on the stage my dear child all young ladies want to go on the stage yes i know they say so i know they say that it s the dream of every woman s life but i am different i am not afraid of work and i h ive ability i have talent see look at this she hastily drew from the recesses of her an envelope containing half a dozen slips of newspaper just the few which had been written about the at little sir john just glanced at them my dear child he said you don t need me to tell you that it is one thing to play to a friendly audience in heart and sword one s own village and it is quite another thing to make one s living by acting out in the world i am not afraid said they never are said the great q c shaking his head solemnly i never knew a girl who wanted to go on the stage who was afraid of anything yet they say you know my dear child that every private soldier in the french army carries a field s h ton in his and equally certain is it that every girl who desires to go on the stage feels that she can without any trouble or become an or a but sir john said won t you give me a chance you know all these people there is not a manager in london that you don t know intimately i don t ask you to do more than give me just a chance i can do the rest for myself it is the chance i want just the chance of a hearing he looked at her hard for just a minute or so where are you living now he asked i am staying at the for a few days with the yes and what do they think of this crack scheme of yours i haven t told them yet they didn t quite like at least mrs didn t quite like my coming to london without my having somebody with me to take care of me but i had s consent so i didn t think it mattered is that young yes i am going to marry him you know some day but i am afraid it will be a long time first as we haven t either of us got any money and you want to make some yes i want to make some if i can sir john q c what does he do he is in the service he is going out to india next year ah really what regiment the black horse i see not much money making in that and he doesn t mind you going on the stage i have his consent to do as i like said flushing painfully at thus in a measure deceiving him and you think you will become a famous young woman my dear child it is a very hard and a very precarious life it is only one out of a thousand or so that makes a decent living	30
ah i don t mind that the manager walked to the and rang it come and sit over here by the window oh william bring tea for two and have you any yes sir then let us have and as quick as you can let us sit in the window i always say that this is the room in london the room might be dull but the window was certainly not so and the two men who had the room to themselves settled themselves down in a couple of easy chairs as by the rest of the world as if they had been in the private house of either of them and what is it you want asked well i want the usual thing a show for a little friend of mine the theatrical manager whistled influence he exclaimed sir john laughed it s nothing of that kind he said in a tone which carried conviction with it when i start that kind of thing i shall not worry my friends either to gratify an ambition or to provide a justification this little girl is not exactly a ward of mine but her guardian was one of my oldest and dearest friends one of the few great friends that i have had in all my life why i thought that you had of friends of prosperity friends yes my dear thousands of them but of heart friends very few i could count them on the fingers of my two hands this little girl s guardian was one of them and stood highest even among them she is not left very well off she s pretty very pretty clever very clever and bursting over with dramatic talent they are all my dear fellow said helping himself to well yes i suppose they all are till they are tried but i wish you would give this one a trial if in ever such a small way a trial said the manager i might take her on at a guinea a week for you yes but will you give her anything to do no i can t give her anything to do that is out of the question you see the piece has only been on a fortnight and it is such a blazing success that there is not the least chance of its going off before the very end of the season it will see the season out as sure as eggs are eggs there s not a place to spare in it nor likely to be the company is in superb health brilliant spirits nothing is in the least likely to happen v heart and sword on to oblige you and let her s at a guinea a week but more than that old fellow i cannot do even for you and that wouldn t give her a show said sir john doubtfully no i couldn t give her a show at present you see how i m situated don t you oh yes yes of course i didn t expect to have a leading lady s part drop into her mouth like a ripe cherry neither did she she is prepared to work yes they mostly are said the manager i d like to get her into a respectable theatre under a friend of mine said sir john may i leave it open certainly you couldn t put her on one of the country companies well i might do that but not to do much good still try round one or two of the others and think over what i have offered you on this understanding the two men parted the manager of the to chuckle over sir john s little affair as he believed it sir john to get into a cab and go to three or four theatres in the hope of finding their respective lords in that however he was unfortunate and dinner time arrived before he had seen so much as the coat tails of another manager besides he was due to go to a large dinner party that evening and when he reached his house in place he found the lady who presided over his home and life dressed and awaiting him you will be very late john she said my dear i am rather late but scott is sure to have everything ready for me i will be as quick as i possibly can she did not him as many a less wise woman influence might have done lady was a person whom nothing ever put out she had married sir john from motives of ambition she had been well and at the time of their marriage the rising young had seemed to her the most likely of all men to land her high upon the of name and she had never made the mistake of his profession in all the dealings of life sir john s profession was kept first and foremost if they were late for a dinner she would rustle into a crowded drawing room with a bland and so sorry to have kept you dear lady so or dear mrs so and so but sir john s time is never his own you really ought not to ask us to dinner once he gets into his chambers there is no knowing at what hour he may be free so on that evening instead of him by reproaches she sat herself calmly down by the drawing room fire and took up an evening paper which she read quietly until he appeared again i have not kept you waiting very long have i he was always polite to his wife and careful of her convenience not at all not at all we shall be ten minutes late but they will forgive you they were however not the latest and lady sailed into the beautiful drawing room of the house to which they were with an air as if	30
they had come ten minutes before their time from this house they went on to a large evening party and just as sir john was beginning to think that he might steal an hour to run round to his club again with the hope of coming across one or two others of the men whom he was so anxious to find he saw a man who was at once a great actor and a great manager coming across the room towards him ah john was the great actor s v heart and sword my dear said the great counsel i was just thinking about you about me said mr yes about you i looked in at the this afternoon but you were not anywhere to be seen i never go there until the evening and generally late at that said ah well i was just thinking of going round there to find you and what do you want of me my dear fellow said sir john i want to find a in a theatre oh lord the exclamation slipped out quite involuntarily sir john groaned on hearing it ah i thought you d say that look here don t imagine i ve let myself in or anything of that kind it s a genuine thing enough and he went on to tell the actor the same story that he had told to the manager of the earlier in the day a real little high flown genius eh said turning and looking with no uttle amusement in his hawk s eyes at the great queen s counsel john my dear fellow td rather by far have the ordinary thing than a real live genius in its genius in its is an awful thing john a terrible thing a bitter responsibility are you deadly in earnest yes my dear i m deadly in earnest oh lord said the manager again that s bad hearing you mistake me said sir john not that kind of thing at all no my dear fellow it never is it never is i never knew a man yet who wanted to get a place for a real little genius in its who would admit that it was the usual thing influence i tell you that this girl is engaged to be married is engaged to be married said sir john indeed who is the man the man is a decent young fellow son of an what is he where is he somewhere in a cavalry regiment worse and worse said the great actor i don t see that the girl s a lady continued out and out lady said sir john with emphasis and of genius well she says she is oh then you don t know no i don t know i believe she s very clever why does she want to go on the stage because there s no money she lived with an aunt who lived on an she has left her practically she is extremely pretty good slight figure beautiful eyes and hair a well voice and she says she s bursting with talent it s her one idea look here said dropping his tone and looking the q c straight in the what is she to you your daughter no not my daughter but the aunt with whom she lived was an old sweetheart of mine and for the aunt s sake i d like to help the little girl nothing more than that i assure you well now look here said the actor putting his hand on sir john s shoulder send her down to me send her to me at one o clock to morrow to the theatre i will see what she can do i can t make her my leading lady with the sweet swift smile which was one of his most attributes but if there is anything in her i will see if i can find her a corner heart and sword my dear chap you are too good i always knew that you were said sir john with a sudden of feeling well tell your little girl before she sees me that if i can do anything it will be but a little corner and you can tell her that there was some poet fellow who said from a comer we can look up into heaven and if there s genius there it s never in a corner that it stays and that s as certain as that the sparks fly upward even although they were deeply engrossed in talking to each other neither sir john nor the actor were men whom any hostess would leave long neglected the great lady whose guests they were bore upon them at that moment i positively cannot allow you two to each other the whole world is crying out for both of you i sir john the wonders that you have not been to speak to her mr i particularly wish to make you known to lady so the friends were swept away from one another and sir john went home to his bed that night feeling that the little girl s chance was practically secured and went to his with a curious sensation of having committed the two were great friends and more than once had given a passing thought to the circumstances which had brought about sir john s marriage and more than once wondered by what means the stately lady who ruled over his house in place had come to be sir john s wife a splendid wife he said to himself as he laid his head upon his pillow a splendid wife a wonderful figure head a great and yet i have often wondered how she came to touch sir john s susceptible irish heart so after all there was a little romance the old story i influence have no want of money it curses every one some time	30
or other the following morning before ten o clock mai under received a it said come to my chambers at she read it with a beating heart so he had found something after all his influence had not counted for nothing he had told her to wait two days and here in one was a summons to go to him unless he had news for her he would never have summoned her like that she was still young enough and enough to regard a with awe she read it at least fifty times before the hour came at which she was to go down and present herself at sir john s chambers you have found something for me she breathed rather than spoke as she was shown into his private room sir john put on a air oh my dear child that is jumping a little too far ahead i cannot say that i have found something for you things are not done so quickly as that i saw my the manager of the yesterday and failing all else he will take you on at a guinea a week as an should i ever have the chance of you might you might not but a little later in the day i chanced to run against the actor yes the actor and i told him about you i think i may say my dear child that i interested him in you and he told me to send you to see him at one o clock her eyes sought the marble on the crowded one o clock you mean now and she pointed a trembling finger at the dial with as much apprehension as if she were going to a to have every tooth in her head extracted heart and sword sir john laughed and patted her shoulder is the kindest man in the world he said don t go with any fear of him or you won t make a good impression and first impressions my dear child as you know are everything i can t help being frightened she said her voice trembling which is sheer nonsense i have written you a letter just to introduce and you must try and overcome any fears remember you are going into a profession or you are trying to go into a profession which knows no fear from the moment that you set your foot towards the stage you must put aside every personal dread fear apprehension from the moment that you accept a you will no longer be you will be the servant of the great british public now my dear child i am going to give you a glass of old port and a no no she put up her hand instantly it will be good for you no no i will not take it sir john i shall do no good by beginning my career with dutch courage he brought his hand down hard upon her shoulder you are a brave little girl he said and i am glad that i took you in hand to help you keep up that spirit my dear child impress as you have impressed me and there will be no holding you yet in spite of her brave words it was with a very heart that she passed down the shabby stairs and found herself once more in the bustling street the sickly winter sun was shining brightly if a clock overhead the quarter before the hour a cab or a would bring her to the great theatre over which presided too soon if she walked she would arrive there just in time for her appointment without the sickening anxiety of waiting any length of time so she influence turned her ice westward and set off at a smart pace along the greasy and crowded pavement it still wanted three minutes to the hour when she turned in at the entrance to the great theatre the gentleman in charge of the bade her kindly enough go to the i can t let you through this way he said if you go outside and go round the first turn to the left you will see the door just along the street the there will take you straight to mr as you have an appointment with a little difficulty discovered the stage door the of which was more suspicious than the in the box office had been you are quite sure that you have an appointment with mr he asked rather i am quite sure said trying hard to be and succeeding very badly well if you will wait here a minute i will inquire said the man without further he shut the door to leaving in the an irresistible desire to cry came over her but she choked down the tears and tried to assure herself that he was but doing his duty and carrying out his orders still it was to be left in the to have the door almost shut in her face by a man of that kind it was her first distinct and as all the world knows until you become used to them are mighty unpleasant to bear then the door opened again and the man with more civility told her that it was all right and that if she would step this way mr would see her heart and sword chapter vi a beginning s guide led her along a dark and narrow passage there s a step up miss he said just when the gloom was at its thank you said then he stopped abruptly and upon a door a voice bade him enter and the next moment the girl was in the great actor s presence she had only seen him once or twice on the stage but she was sufficiently with his person to recognise him as he sat at a large table	30
in the centre of the room the cold wintry light from the window streaming full upon his ce he pushed back his chair and rose how do you do he said looking at her with a curiously searching gaze sit down you are sir john s friend yes faltered the actor seated himself in the same chair from which he had risen and smoothed his cheek from the temple downward with the middle finger of his left hand and you want to go on the stage he said yes said do you know anything about it not of the real stage she answered ah you ve you ve played a little in amateur at home in your village or in your own town yes she felt as if this looking actor was reading her very soul to its inmost thoughts you you you think you have some talent for acting a beginning i know that i have she said vehemently so he looked at her hard changing the curious movement of his middle finger from his cheek to his chin you are prepared to work as hard as you like ah you don t expect to keep a the first few months you are at work i am aid that i don t expect ever to keep a she said with a laugh ah can you i never tried don t you like no not other people s ah can you read aloud of course i can my dear child said suddenly changing his position and tapping the tips of his fingers together my dear child there is no of course about it people out of a hundred oh nine hundred and ninety nine out of a thousand who think that they can read aloud cannot read do not understand how to read do not even know the first elements of reading see stretching out a hand and taking a volume from the table read that from the beginning she looked at him yes do you know the poem yes i know it said then you will be the better able to let me judge go and stand over there and repeat it fortunately for her she did not hesitate she put down her walked to the spot to which he had pointed and began there was a sound of by night that will do said you can read at heart and sword least you can speak which is more to our purpose so you want to go on the stage to become an it is a great profession my old friend sir john tells me that you are engaged to be married did he tell you that he did and he was right to tell me there should be no secrets between a manager and hb company oh there is no secret said all the better but you are engaged to be married and i think sir john told me that the gentleman is he is a soldier said the girl with a certain of her head of pride in her lover well that is a that is a you will find that your engagement will in some senses stand in your light does he know he has given me a perfectly free hand mr i am to do as i like i see and how soon do you expect to be married oh not for years and years he goes to india next year he will be out there at least four years before he has any chance of returning by that time if there is anything in me and i know that there is i shall have made my way or i shall be glad to give up all idea of doing anything on the stage but practically you are prepared to give yourself entirely up to it to work to work to tea parties and things for the stage is a hard mistress those who would make their mark must live by line and rule must work and study must watch all they eat and drink must live for their profession and for their profession alone the old days when the stage was a sort of fairy land when lovely ladies walked on and took all hearts by storm are gone by for ever if they ever existed the actor of to day who would succeed must not only be an actor but a student it is a hard life it is an life and a wearing life but it is worth it it is a beginning a glorious profession that of dramatic art if you are prepared to work to give your life to it i will give you a beginning for the sake of sir john my very good and dear friend but i must have your loyal promise to begin with that there shall be no no striving to serve two masters that with the exception of your natural interest in your you will devote yourself body and soul to your work she sprang to her feet and flung out her hand towards him there s my hand on it she said you could not have a pupil more in earnest than i i know nothing i come to you wholly ignorant excepting with that feeling that it is here putting her hands upon her breast here and if you help me now i will try to serve you and to do the work you give me honestly and with all my heart when two people have come to an understanding the details of the business arrangements are easily planned mr agreed that should begin her work as a member of his company in a week s time which as he explained would give her ample opportunity to settle herself in london and to transfer herself and her from little he told her that her salary would begin	30
at three guineas a week to it seemed wealth and she almost at his making the sum so large he put her objections on one side with a very wave of the hand you will find it little enough living in london is not the same as living in a country village let mr have your address as soon as you are settled and he will give you instructions what time to be here she felt herself dismissed but ere she the room she caught his hand in hers oh mr she said you have done this for sir john but some day you will be glad that you have heart and sword done it for me i may be a dead as an but i will not be a dead failure as a at least you shall have the satisfaction of knowing that sir john did not use his interest for somebody who was worthless there there there said the great actor kindly he patted her shoulder and bade her good bye in a tone which told her plainly that deeds and not words must be her future thanks when she left the she jumped into the first cab that she saw and drove straight back to sir john s chambers sir john was just crossing the court on his way to lunch well he asked as they met well she replied oh he was so kind he has promised me a place he is going to take me on i am to begin on monday week and i am to have three guineas a week for the present that is very good said sir john who had barely expected that his friend would be able to find a corner and is ke going to give you work to do yes i am to have small things and oh sir john i am so happy oh i am so happy nobody knows how happy i am i i will work i will show you what i can do oh think of the chance of starting at the why i might have for ten years and not have got such a chance as that why it is beginning at the top will take care you don t begin at the top my dear child said sir john more but let us go and have lunch i suppose you are not so elated as to have forgotten that you have to eat i had forgotten all about it i had forgotten all about lunch i suppose it is lunch time i should think it is said sir john i am most hungry come we will go and have lunch a beginning ea j together and we will a together to the future member of the company as they sat over their lunch sir john asked her several very important questions now tell me he said where are you going to live because that in itself is a very important thing in london especially for a young girl as you are you know i want you to be a great success i don t want you to on living anyhow and anyway that is not the kind of thing that pays you must live well live comfortably live eminently or else this young man of yours will be seeking my blood i must see if i can get my lady to take you about a little and put you in the way of knowing the right people but i have promised mr that i won t go about he says that parties and the stage cannot cannot get along together tut tut child there are parties and parties there are hundreds of little shows in london at which it would do you positive harm to be seen you don t want and doesn t want you to be the heroine of tea fights and west at home days but there are some houses where it is good for any workers in art to be seen occasionally it is such houses as these to which lady will take you at least i think she will that however will come all in good time i shall ask my wife to be your friend in london so that you may have some woman of the world who knows the world on whom you may rely for advice or for protection meantime the most important question is where are you going to live how are you going to live i must find lodgings said she in a tone of conviction sir john looked more than doubtful lodgings at your age lodgings i don t like the idea my friend lodging alone means nobody to q heart and sword speak to when your work is done it means having your meals anyhow it means having nobody excepting a landlady at the back of you i think you will find lodgings a dead failure good lodgings within walking distance of the theatre you cannot get under at least thirty shillings a week what have you left you will take all your economy out of your food don t think of lodgings besides it would not do for many reasons but where am i to go she exclaimed you must find some family with whom you can live or some boarding house why not the house where i am staying now mrs johnson knew and had the greatest respect for her she always declared she was a most worthy person she had been there for years i should be all right with her that sounds better said sir john and she is in street isn t she yes she s in street well before you make any arrangements find out what she would take you for as a permanent only be sure to make your arrangements so as to have a dinner specially cooked for you if the needs of the theatre require	30
it at a certain time but i shouldn t want a whole dinner cooked for myself my dear child i presume mrs johnson has dinner at seven or eight o clock seven o clock dinner will never do for an who has to be on the stage at eight you will require to have your dinner at five or at six o clock at the latest but mrs johnson if she is a person who knows anything of theatres will understand how you are placed in that respect failing this good woman whom you know i would advise you to go to her on your return to town until you do find precisely the proper place lady i am sure a beginning i would tell you whether you were doing right or wrong i suppose you are going back to little almost immediately oh yes i shall go back to morrow pack up all my things and and and lace the music said sir john she flushed up vividly perhaps they may mind a i don t think that they will she said simply they ll mind right enough said sir john with conviction in his tones especially our good friend mrs still the girl went back to with a brave heart she had met with success she had not been on all hands as most girls in story books are when they try to go on the stage in story books theatrical have a vast capacity for love making which seems to up at all times and in all seasons in story books who find themselves in s position have many and strange adventures she had had none she had met with kindness and her way had been smoothed so that it remained only for her to show whether there was anything in her or not of course this was due to the influence of sir john and s heart swelled as she thought of him with a gratitude as beautiful as such gratitude is rare that evening after dinner she had a long confidential talk with mrs johnson the mistress of the house in which she was staying my dear miss said that lady once you get into lodgings of your own you will be wretched never a soul to speak to except the servant that waits upon you and they re never up to much your dinner would into a or a and in about six months you would be heart broken you had far better stop me heart and sword yes but can i to pay as much as you would charge me mrs johnson said well now let me see if i gave you that nice room you have now your breakfast and your lunch something in place of your dinner when you have to go to the theatre and a fire in your bedroom for you must have some place where you can study that stands to common sense two pounds a week now would that break you no i don t think that would break me mrs johnson said and mind i will feed you well you shall not lose for not being able to eat your dinner at the same time as the other that i promise you my dear i was that fond of your poor aunt that i d do weu by her niece even if i wouldn t do it for your own sake you d be safe with me you know my house you know what the cooking is and if there s an the matter you know what i am miss i always say it s a great thing for a young lady ay and for a young gentleman too when they can go to those in london that they can trust and take my advice miss don t you mix yourself up too much with the other they are all very nice as nice a set as i could wish to receive into my house but keep yourself a little to yourself if once they find out you re at the they ll always be worrying you for orders or for tickets or wanting you to go here and there with them the young ladies will be hanging on to your skirts and the young gentlemen will be wanting to hang on to yourself take my advice keep yourself to yourself it s far the best that you can do why when miss was here miss you don t mean it yes miss lived with me for eight years right until the time she went into housekeeping for herself and i always gave her the same advice keep a beginning yourself to yourself while you re in the house and then when you leave it there s no need to shake off those that you don t want to know and that won t do you any good and so it was with the details of her future life all cut and dried that went back to little the two girls came to the station to meet her the was hovering about the and mrs still just a little distant in was sitting by the drawing room fire a cup of tea she asked again presenting the edge of her cheek for the child s greeting thank you mrs thank you very much yes it is cold said mrs looked at hen the girl was changed she was devoured with curiosity but she would not to ask a question the girls however were not so well and what has happened to you said the elder of the twain oh violet answered such things have happened to me nothing unpleasant i hope said mrs in a tone unpleasant mrs not in the least why what should happen to me unpleasant when young girls go running off to london by themselves mrs began oh but i was	30
with people i knew all the time nothing could happen to me unpleasant in mrs johnson s house if anybody there had uttered so much as a wrong word to me why she would have raised the very roof she thought the world of and as for sir john why he was as good as gold to me sir john echoed the s wife in tones of genuine amazement heart and sword yes i went to see sir john he was s greatest friend and i knew that he would help me to plan out what i wanted i felt that he would and he did and when did you know sir john always mrs whenever and i went to london we always dined with him and we always went to the theatre with him i tell you he was one of s greatest friends did she never speak of him to you never said mrs with emphasis ah a sudden flood of understanding came into the girl s mind so that was the reason that sir john had been so willing to her there had been a friendship between her aunt and the great queen s counsel of more than ordinary warmth now she understood by the curious which in women we call now she understood why she had never seen lady why he had spoken with a certain as to whether lady would help her and her or not so the delicate rose leaf aunt who had once been punished for whistling had been sir john s life romance it was curious she wondered that she had never thought of it before it was strange and what broke in the voice of the s wife and what is it that sir john is going to help you to do drew a long breath i am going on the stage she said facing the music chapter vii facing the music when in reply to her future law s question uttered those words i am going on the stage a dead silence fell upon the group gathered together in the drawing room the two girls drew their breath sharply as when one expects a quickly coming storm the opened his mouth to speak and then shut it again as one who thought better of his intention it was mrs who at last broke the silence i do not think she said in a clear cutting voice that i understood you aright raised her eyes and looked the lady full in the i said that i am going on the stage mrs she repeated quietly did i understand that you said that yes you have the intention of going on the stage yes of us no mrs never i hope to disgrace you it is the same thing one act the other you my son s to think speak suggest arrange to go on the stage you will have to give it up i shall certainly not do that i insist upon it you have no right to insist i have the right as s mother no i do not acknowledge that right i have s consent for what i am doing heart and sword s consent to go on the stage i have s consent to do as i choose i absolutely forbid it you have no power no right to forbid anything i do it is for to decide it is not for you said in a voice which showed clearly that her patience would not hold out much longer well i do not understand the young ladies of the present day but all i can say is that you choose between this idea and me if you wish to continue on terms of any kind with me you will give up this preposterous idea at once i cannot give it up said i would never consent to receive an as my son s wife mrs said i think you had better talk that question over with for the present i am your guest and it would be better not to discuss it i must ask you to allow me to remain here for a few hours while i pack my i should not like to go out of your house as if i were a servant dismissed for it is not in the least necessary that you should do that said the speaking for the first time do you put the question on one side until leaves us i do not consider my dear that it is hospitable to speak to your guest in such a tone my guest that child exclaimed mrs that is beside the question it is my wish if you please that nothing more be said to on the subject to night let her make her arrangements in peace and got up rather she looked very frail and young in her deep mourning attire and there was a suspicious about her grey eyes a suspicious quivering about the corners of her charming mouth facing the music mr she said you have always been most kind to me i shall never forget what you say now to morrow i will leave because i should not like to feel that i had made any in the family especially with his mother please do not let us discuss the question to night mrs can better speak her mind when i am not her guest if you will excuse me i will go to my room she left the room and the two girls turned and followed her my dear said the i hope that you feel for once in your life properly why could you not let the child alone with her idea until she had sufficiently recovered her fatigue and then have got to talk to her and to talk her out of this attitude as it is now he will stand by her she will tell him and the girls	30
will tell him how you flew at the poor little soul who was your guest and he will stand by her as sure as i am my dear said mrs the idea of a child like that a baby like that setting herself up against me i never heard of such a thing in the whole course of my life but there is no particular reason why she shouldn t set herself up against you it is her affair but she is engaged to my son well my dear if your son doesn t mind it is no use you interfering i see no such great harm in the child following the stage as a profession she has marked talent she has a good friend in sir john a very powerful friend and if she has also his wife s countenance she will do extremely well the idea mrs indignantly the idea of you talking about our son s wife having anybody s countenance countenance indeed a very necessary thing for a g r s heart and sword said the who when he did speak was not easily turned from his purpose of course i might have expected that you would take sides against me said mrs with an extremely ruffled it is not taking sides my dear the child is doing her best cannot marry her at present and i consider that honest effort should always be encouraged as much as possible the stage mrs well the stage may be a great medium for good i presume that the child does not intend to appear in or in any plays to which we should not take our daughters i see no harm myself in that form of art any more than i see harm in my going into the pulpit and preaching a sermon if i preach a sermon to a good end i am doing a good work if an actor or an is preaching a different kind of sermon to a good end that actor or is also doing a good work and it is very possible that the work of the stage may be as blessed or more blessed than the work of the pulpit i never thought said mrs indignantly to hear such fall from your lips i have wondered sometimes where all your new notions would lead you i little thought to the of your own circle my dear my dear don t talk nonsense said the if your poor mother could think of her s wife mrs began well my dear well you have to consider the times in which we live you know my dear there are still a great many people living who think it is a sin to read a novel they think that because an effort of the imagination is only an effort of the imagination a romance it is therefore necessarily a lie but we cannot all believe facing the music that a pleasant novel is a lie we are not all enough to believe that mere make believe must be intended to deceive it is beside the question said mrs with a air said the i see no difference between a play of given in my school room for the benefit of and a play by a modern given in a london theatre probably the modem play will be less coarse and the moral may be even more strong you will advocate music halls next said mrs i went to a music hall the last time i was in london said the i saw nothing to bring a blush to my cheek in all such places vice is apparent and i am afraid my dear until the be upon us that vice will continue to walk in our very midst and indeed for my own part i think it will be a very bad thing when we do not know vice by sight mrs drew herself up with a shudder whether you she said at last in a scared voice have taken leave of your senses or not i cannot tell but never did i think that i should live to hear such sentiments come from the mouth of my husband a good thing to know vice by sight yes my dear for when vice has so the garments of respectability that we cannot tell t other from which so assuredly will the of the nation have begun i believe that i am right in saying that the most disease in the world is and in its first stages is not easy to recognise while we can look the devil in the face we can guard ourselves against him but when the devil takes the form of our daughter in law put in mrs in a cutting voice and sword my dear my dear pray do not let such an idea find place within your mind even for a moment the child has sir john s counsel and advice his influence and his assistance we do not know yet what plans she has made you stopped her from telling you everything as she was prepared to do do not condemn her until you know where she is going what she is going to do and how she is going to do it remember my dear that the first novels were written under divine inspiration we are not talking of novels but of plays and said mrs breaking in upon her husband s mild eloquence i like a good play as well as anybody and provided that the theatre is well conducted i give it the seal of my approval but i am not willing to know personally those persons who provide that amusement for me and i am still less willing that my son s wife should be one of them it does not matter to me whether was a great man or a small man whether he got his ideas	30
out of his inner consciousness or from lord bacon or from the plays of those questions do not trouble me but my social position is such that it is to me that i should be connected ever so with a person earning money in that way the actor whom i see when i pay my money to go to the theatre is no more to me than the butcher who the meat that i eat for my dinner in their own way they may be respectable even worthy persons but their way is not my way and i object to its becoming so my butcher my i make her a wedding present and i consider it a very nice and suitable marriage i don t know who actors marry but i object to my son marrying an i may be wrong headed and unreasonable and or anything else you like but those are my sentiments and i shall not from them facing the music well well well my dear said the you shall think as you like but for the little time that the child will be with us i beg that you will not say too much on the subject i have never yet believed in opposition as the best way of preventing an opposition does but fan the flame which otherwise might die of sheer the direct result of the s interference was that there was at least outward peace during the rest of s stay at the mrs attempted no further direct interference with her son but contented herself with writing to a full account of all that had happened and of all that was in her mind her views and explaining them with a clearness which would she believed settle the matter once for all the direct result of this letter was that two days later just after had said good bye to little and the as it seemed for ever mrs received a from arrive three o clock ten days leave the and the dog cart went to the station to meet him asked no questions of the groom who drove the cart and when he reached the his mother was the only member of the family who was there to receive him my dear boy she exclaimed your father was so grieved to be out but he had an important meeting which he could not get off the girls are gone over to tea at lady s and with them of course mrs drew her son out of the hall and out of the reach of the parlour maid s ears into the long low drawing room tea for mr at once margaret dear boy said she shutting the door she has gone heart and sword gone to lady s said my dear boy gone gone to london you have let her go i could not prevent it she is so changed my dear boy really i hardly knew the child your father would not allow me to speak and the two days that she has been home passed in a sort of politeness such as made me feel extremely ill but is it all that she shall go on the stage that i cannot tell you they shut me up when i expressed my views on the subject when i said anything i don t even know where she is going whether she has any settled plan or whether the whole thing is only a mad idea but you must stop it oh yes mother of course i will stop it he said easily i think you worry yourself too much is young she thinks that it is a grand thing to go on the stage she does not poor child all the and all the disappointment that she must of necessity meet with dear mother you were not too hard with her i i spoke my mind said mrs a little as she thought how very plainly she had spoken her mind i of the scheme and i did not disguise my feelings but you know my dear boy although has not a penny i offered for your sake that she should be as one of my own daughters until you could be married you did that mother yes i did that but this mad this wild goose idea of going on the stage oh it must be stopped it is impossible that a lady your future wife my future daughter in law could dream of anything so preposterous and she said that she had your consent well in a measure she had my consent said he i told her that she should do exactly as she liked as facing the music to going on the stage that was never mentioned between us that idea never occurred to me i see she told me that she had your positive consent to doing as she liked yes not my definite consent to going on the stage but you can never consent to such a thing i don t like the idea said looking at his mother but of course you know mother dear there is going on the stage and going on the stage to have a wife who had been going about in at the and call of all the in london would certainly not please me but there are plenty of in london who are every bit as good and every bit as as my own sisters against whom there has never been a breath who are ladies in every sense of the word there is no doubt that is gifted in that way and i do not think that it is right to hide talent under a i cannot think that such a perfect little lady as she is would wish to do anything that would reflect upon her in any sense then you do practically give your consent said mrs in a hardened	30
to say soon after ten o clock he presented himself at the house in street which was presided over by miss s worthy old friend mrs johnson her own way received him in the large drawing room at that hour it was the rest of mrs johnson s having either departed on their several occupations and affairs or else still remaining in their own rooms in all her life had never felt her heart go put with such a as to this well grown long handsome young man in comparison with the men whom she had been seeing during the past few days he looked so big and handsome so well grown so well set up he looked such a man as indeed he was he told her how his mother had written to him and how he had been lucky enough to get a few days leave and had gone straight home to little only to find you flown he went on only to find that i had been turned out she said trying hard to speak brightly oh come not so bad as that the poor mother was a bit upset you can t wonder at it living all her life in little of course her ideas are not as wide as the ideas of people who live in a larger centre v i lived in little all my life she said simply yes my dear but you are young you have always the possibilities of life before you a woman in my mother s position has all her ideas set firm they ve been cut and dried for years and years until they have become a part of herself but tell me ever i am waiting to hear all your news so without further she told him everything which had been stopped at the fountain head on the night of her return to little and has promised you an engagement he said yes it is wonderful is it not my dear child indeed it is wonderful i believe that there are hundreds of women xv heart and sword would pay huge if they could only get into s company it is through sir john of course oh yes but you wouldn t have me refuse such a chance not if you have set your heart upon trying what you can do on the stage most decidedly not your mother spoke of it as such a disgrace ah well she will think otherwise of you by and by you see you didn t tell her that you had been lucky enough to get with i didn t tell her because she wouldn t hear anything that i had to say she shut me up and me till i felt more like bursting out crying than anything else i would have told her i meant to tell her why should i keep anything back from any of you no no exactly and you will stand by me of course i will stand by you why there may come a day when i shall be only too proud to be known as miss s husband i shall always be proud to be s husband that goes without saying then you don t intend to give me up to give you up he echoed why i could as soon give up i could easier give up my life dearest child when one is and in love one does not give up one s sweetheart because she happens to feel that she has a soul and a gift above the ordinary run of women what preposterous question will you ask next she gave a little sigh of extreme contentment ah well one never knows your mother seemed so positive so certain that you would it was not my mother who asked you to marry me her own way no no i didn t mean that it was not my mother perhaps who would have chosen you for my wife it was i triumphantly i alone all my own doing well so i all of my own doing tell you that i shall never never never want to give you up that whatever you do you will always be the same to me always the same sweetheart always the same and perfect little person so will that start you on your new life in contentment she felt herself grow big and brave all at once and then on his side made a demand upon her i want you he said now before you begin before you take up this profession at all to make me a promise and that is well that when you have had a trial at it if you find you do not succeed as you hope to do you will drop it if the worst comes to the worst we can live very comfortably in india on our pay and my allowance you have a year and a half in which to prove yourself if you are going to do anything at all you will have done it by then you will at least show that you are on the right track if you do not succeed though mind i think you will and you go hanging on hoping against hope and trying to do the impossible you will make yourself an old woman before your time this is all i ask of you nothing else she said you haven t even asked me to be true to you no he replied because i do not think it is necessary and if you were not true to me i would let you go without so much as a regret we make these when we are young and what is more we mean them and we believe in them i would not remain in tlie sam ia so heart and sword man who spoke to me like that says your miss of	30
twenty but your matron of as many standing is much less free with her tongue she has seen the folly of prodigal age is thinking more of to morrow than of to day i would never regret is a phrase which has passed the lips of most of us at some time or other and flung out the challenge to the future right and well so was happy she went to fetch mrs johnson that she might introduce to her and that he might have an idea of the keeping she was in and mrs johnson made the young man many promises and even went so far as to take him to see the little nest which she had made for the future you ought to have a writing table and a chair of your own he said to her i will give you these we will go out now and choose them that would be lovely said you will have lunch here mr mrs johnson inquired oh thank you very much but i think we may as well get it in town somewhere in truth he did not care to face the rest of the household in the character of miss s young man so put on her hat and they went off together in a cab as happy as two children out for half a day s holiday he took her to a celebrated s shop and together they chose the writing table and the l dainty table fit for the of a celebrated and a chair that would not have disgraced the smoking room of a west end club now you can keep all your papers and books and parts and such like things in this and you can always be comfortable in that he said pointing first to the table and then to the chair and when i am away from you i shall know that you have at least these two every day her own way gi comforts about you i am quite sure that there is nothing to be gained by what i may call the of discomfort i heard of a lady the other day who being left a widow borrowed a thousand pounds to continue her husband s business and brought it to a successful issue living the while herself in a garret seven stories high on ten shillings a week i always thought he went on with his worldly wise air that she would have got on better if she had made it a pound a week and had either borrowed a little more or put a little less into the business a more utterly uncomfortable woman it has never been my lot to know always on the alert always on the go always on the watch as if she were counting the sands of time as they dropped one by one through the hour glass of life into eternity i don t believe he went on that that poor woman could sit down in an easy chair and enjoy half an hour s quiet if salvation depended on it but i never intend to grow like that cried she i should indeed hope not if ever you feel yourself going that way take my advice and go in for a new line altogether yes i will do that she said and then they both laughed as if the most wonderful had passed between them it does not take much to amuse or to interest lovers the purchase of the chair and table completed they strolled out into the street again and went off to lunch and then they did a picture gallery or two and proposed that when they had dined they should spend the evening at the she was still so so new to the profession that it never occurred to her to ask for seats and paid for a couple of with the air of a wealthy young prince by dint of great good fortune they found themselves in the front row so t heart and sword single detail of the play was lost to the girl who sat drinking in every word and watching every gesture with the deepest enthusiasm for was she not in the immediate future to be one of this gifted band she felt herself as she watched mary the most beautiful and fascinating upon the english stage moving to and fro after of fierce sickening awe would any one ever look at her as she looked at mary never never and yet mary must have begun at the beginning she must have had a she must have had a first performance she must have been a once the play was of that order which is called costume took the part of a man well known in european history it was a wonderful wise and full of he seemed to the entire play with his wonderful presence isn t he wonderful she exclaimed to as the curtain dropped for the second time isn t he marvellous and it is the most wonderful of all to think that only a few days ago i sat and talked to him as if he were quite an ordinary person at least almost as if he were an ordinary person she added with a sudden of herself he must have been charmed to talk to you and to be talked to as an ordinary person said for his part he would far rather have seen a or a good opera than this intense and to him somewhat tiresome play i think you know he d be a tiresome old chap to be always about one don t you always behind curtains and listening behind doors that kind of old must have been very hard to live with i don t wonder they tried to poison him and to stick knives into him do you something went through s heart it was not exactly a pain but	30
it was a feeling akin her own way you don t like it she said reproachfully you re bored no no i am not bored not a bit i only said what i thought i do think that old chap a shade tiresome don t you and by jove if history is to be believed his found him tiresome enough by jove fancy having a colonel who wanted to lead that kind of life who had the post bag every night taken up to his quarters and went through the contents without so much as a with your leave or by your leave why life wouldn t be worth living i beg your pardon he said in a different tone as an attendant approached miss stall number seven and eight said the man yes this is miss mr would be glad if you would go round madam go round where said i will show you the way madam mr wishes to speak to you as rose without hesitation to obey the summons also rose from his seat and followed her as they reached the door into the corridor the attendant turned back mr said nothing about a gentleman sir i don t think he expects you no no that s all right i will come as far as the door with miss said easily then the man opened a small door and disappeared along a narrow passage she had never been behind the scenes before excepting at the amateur performance which did not count it looked very dingy and dirty and the back view of the forest scene which was then in process of setting was and even a little f mind your head madam said her guide this if you please heart and sword then he let her down another passage a low narrow uninteresting passage well away from the stage and knocking at a door on the right he invited her to enter mr was sitting in the same chair in which she had seen him before and he rose to meet her as she entered the room he was clad in all the glory of violet velvet silken and many diamonds they glittered upon his shoes they at his knees they made a of light down either side of his velvet coat and blazed from the deep of rich lace which fell below his throat so you have come to see the piece he said taking her hand charles bring some tea and ask miss if she will be kind enough to come in as she passes the door so you have come to see the piece he said again yes mr i i hadn t seen it so and is that the future husband yes that is mr ah why didn t you bring him with you well you didn t ask him i shouldn t have dared tut tut child i am not so formidable as that i think you are more than formidable said mr laughed perhaps it is as well that you should think so tell me do you like the play oh yes only and then she broke off and looked at him with her soul yearning in her eyes only what well i have been thinking all the time that the curtain was up i kept thinking whatever should i do mr laughed a short laugh of the keenest amusement you won t play miss s parts straight off miss you know he said in a quiet voice and with no twinkle of amusement about his face unless it was in bis deep set eyes we don t burst into glory at the we do a little at a time every one of us something every day i have been thinking about you a good deal to day partly because i want to please my old friend sir john and partly because something about you tells me that you are in earnest the play is good to run for a couple of months yet and i cannot keep you waiting about all that time without a chance of coming on and growing accustomed to the feeling of the stage the way to walk up and down and tread and so on so i am going to have a little page s part put just at first without a word to say and afterwards if you do that well you shall have a line or two miss has always said that a single page looks poor and doesn t dress the stage enough did you notice the little page with the scarlet velvet cap and the white feather yes faltered if you will come to morrow at eleven o clock i will order your dress to be got ready for you at once i have told miss all about you and i hope that she will be down in time to see you before she goes on i think i hear her he went to the door and opened it waiting meanwhile with a dreadful sensation knocking at her heart so after all she was to make her first appearance in chapter ix miss as mr stood holding the door open there a sound of light feet and the of silken skirts in the narrow passage outside heart and sword i have only half a minute philip said a gay voice out of the gloom never mind half a minute will be enough i want you to meet sir john s little friend was s reply the next moment the gracious figure of mary came flitting into the room so this is our young she said holding out her hands to without waiting for any more formal introduction so this is our young ah my dear if all you children knew when you were well off you would leave the stage alone it is a hard life my dear child a wearing life but there are ventured	30
who was more shy of this brilliant lady than she would have been even of himself miss started and looked at her more closely you should do well she said in a different voice you have a quick tongue and a pretty wit and you are right there are one toils night after night for weeks at a time and then there comes one when it is worth the trouble you are going to make her a page philip she said turning to without waiting for any reply yes a companion page to it will dress the scene better and give her a chance of learning the and it is a pretty costume for a beginning said miss there i am called good bye my dear good bye if i can be your friend in the theatre i will there s my hand on it she flitted out through the open door and looked at you are aching to be back again in your place that s right i like a real good enthusiastic who doesn t want to miss any of the show but you will have a cup of tea miss not for me thank you no not for me i always have tea between these acts and here let me give you one word of advice which will stand you in good stead from now to the end of your career never take anything stronger than tea or coffee during the progress of a play it is so easy to have a little to take it as a sort of medicine just to make your feet dance and your heart light but that is a rock upon which many a young actor ay and many a young has split and been and now i must send you away to morrow morning at eleven and you shall be measured for your first appearance stood waiting in the corridor just where she had left him oh have you been waiting all this time cried not i went and refreshed myself with a drink he said and having had a drink i naturally came to wait for you i have seen three people i know all very anxious to know who i am with and all thinking you a person of considerable importance that you were sent for to go round but how did they know you didn t tell them no i didn t tell them but one fellow happened to hear the message and i suppose he told the others and how did you get on oh i got on all right said i was introduced to miss was she nice to you yes awfully most kind they went back to their seats then and sat wondering how she should break the news to that she was first of all to be a page she said at last mr is going to put a little part into the play for me to put a little part in how well he says there won t be a a ss heart and sword two months and just to give me a chance and i think a little to please miss he is going to have two pages instead of one and are you going to be the other page yes she uttered the word in a tremulous little voice scarcely audible above the noise of the are you going to wear the same kind of dress he asked sharply yes you won t mind will you no i sha n t mind all the best have played a page at some time or other but i don t know what mother will say you see she is inclined to take things and she may not be able to see the difference between a page at the and a dancing girl in at the gaiety however hush there s the curtain no consent could have been more complete than s acceptance of the news that was to begin her dramatic career as a page with a scarlet velvet cap a white feather fastened by a diamond clasp and garments suggestive of went at the appointed hour to meet a celebrated who her into the mysteries of herself into a page and when the great night came and with a beating heart and emotions she found herself in the presence of the british public she had indeed crossed the and cast the die by jove you looked said as he met her at the stage door you had better come and have some supper after all that why i am not tired i have done nothing besides the other page the one i dressed with she had a tin of and she shared a of with me so that i had rather go straight home if you don t mind no no come and have some supper no mr warned me against about miss and i don t want to get into the way of going to supper after the performance is over there will always be something to eat when i get home so that i sha n t go to bed hungry and i want to begin as i mean to go on she carried her point being as i have already shown a young woman whose will was fairly strong and they went straight back to street together and then after had no more leave and was compelled to return to his regiment down into the ordinary routine of life as quietly as if instead of an she had become a teacher in the national school if only mrs could have known it the girl the infant mind in a national school had more time and opportunity to get into mischief than the young student of dramatic art who found herself under the wing of philip for life at the was a life of hard work no idle was the kingdom over which philip ruled	30
within the theatre all went with the and precision of a military code and the one who lived the most lived the most thoroughly the life of a student was philip himself for days together did not see him except upon the stage and weeks passed without any sign that he was taking further notice of her or interest in her than to have given her the little part of the page in due course as he had promised a line or two a word here a salutation there were put in for her then she received instructions to one of the minor characters of the play this was the part of a young girl a sort of rival of the heroine of the piece a dainty charming part to play which would be an enormous advance on the work she was doing at last her opportunity came owing to a ankle the principal could not appear and the under heart and sword study otherwise took the part in her stead to it was as formidable as any ordinary first night afterwards became sir john and his lady were present and at least half a dozen whom he had asked as a personal favour to attend the performance and came up from on purpose and mary about her giving her hints and encouraging her in every way that was possible to herself the result seemed nothing short of hideous she had studied the part so diligently had watched her principal so closely that she seemed unable to get inside the character try as she would but when it was over mary whispered to her you ll do and patted her on the shoulder with a word of encouragement the morning brought her a note from sir john asking her to go to tea at place the following afternoon and one of the morning papers spoke of her as miss a young of great freshness and great distinction of style another paper spoke of her as a new discovery of mr s and of course told her that she waa too for words and that was the beginning of s career she played the part nightly and at the various es for nearly a month as the ankle which was the cause of her chance continued extremely troublesome and difficult to cure then miss came to her own again and s candle was promptly put out philip said miss to when was back at the theatre once more what are you going to do for little now nothing nothing she echoed well i don t see that i can do i have given her a very good chance and most her ankle just at the nick of time miss but you cannot expect her to continue an invalid just to oblige a new comer of course not philip how tiresome you are you are not going to put the child back to page s work i can t do that at least it would be but she can continue the work that is heart breaking business said miss she must wait said in a tone of decision she has had a better chance than most girls she has done brilliantly and i am very well pleased with her but no theatre can be run solely for the benefit of the who want chances for a week or two it seemed as if there was practically nothing for but and the drawing of three guineas a week then she received an offer from another manager for the run of a piece just about to be produced and mr was pleased to lend her as the phrase goes for the engagement s new manager was called harry a man of different from philip a man who had no ideas about high art one who was himself a brilliant and ran his theatre purely as a place of amusement and for the purpose of making money the play itself was the work of a modern one walter half comedy half domestic drama he had been one of those to see during the time she had played s part at the and he had marked the exquisite fi of her voice and manner her airy charm and grace and the general of her style the part assigned to her was as fresh and as herself it was as he said a big risk to give so prominent a part to so young an but the end fully justified his choice my dear child he said when he met her for the first time at you are to io l heart and sword your only chance of succeeding is to do precisely what i tell you while you are in if i had wanted somebody to create the part i would have chosen she might have done great things with it but she is just a little too studied she knows just too much to give me precisely what i want i want the smell of the new hay to across the to the public i want my to be as simple and as sweet as under a i want her to be as as the and which we gather in the meadows in the early morning if you can be all that that is to say if you can be yourself you will have the greatest success that any girl has had upon the stage within my recollection it is easy enough to play heavy parts it is easy enough to and scream and like a dog as mrs john is doing every night at the but to give a real fresh dainty of sweet and charming so that every man will feel my wife was like that once and my daughter will be like that to morrow is the most difficult task which can be set to any young now will you do your best she turned a	30
pair of eloquent eyes upon him shining with purpose mr she said i may not succeed why because i may fail but if i fail i promise you it will not be through my conceit or through my obstinacy whatever you tell me to do i will do he brought his hand down on her shoulder with a you ll do you ve the right stuff in you he said i know the real thing when i see it i didn t go half a dozen times to the to watch you for nothing what did i tell what did i tell you chuckled the to the wife of his bosom as the curtain went down upon the second act didn t i say she was miss made for the part isn t she perfect listen to those people i ay my friends shout shout on the harder the better the british public may be dense and the british critic may be a fool most people seem to think he is but one thing is very certain that when the british public and the british critic get hold of a good thing they generally know it and do honour to it that s my friends have her back again up with the curtain i thought she d do it and then walter all anxiety at an end left his box and his wife and went below to mingle freely with the crowd of friends in tiie oyer and to receive the congratulations of the multitude not only upon his new play but upon his new find from that moment miss s success as an was assured her name was in everybody s mouth not as a great artist but as a fresh simple delightful child woman wicked old who had long ago forgotten the virtues of the mothers who bore them her charms in language which had for years been a stranger to their tongues by jove sir die young ladies of the present day can take a lesson from that charming little creature if there were more like her there would be fewer cases in the divorce court fewer in the clubs by jove sir she s a walking sermon on and i don t know when i have seen such modesty such innocent such pretty simple affectionate ways such charm of breeding and carriage such a perfect specimen of an in truth it was as well that the girl could not hear all the praise which was upon her had she done so she might have failed to recognise wilful who had for want of a clean white frock and deliberately her future mother in law there was a big party on the stage that to heart and sword was but she excused herself with firmness from being present no mr she said when he came to her dressing room and insisted that she should withdraw her refusal to the manager no mr i am sorry i must go home i must go straight home i promised mr that i would not go about making a fool of m i was very small potatoes yesterday and i may be very small potatoes tomorrow and i want to keep my wits about me and not have my head turned by a lot of silly compliments not worth the breath they re spoken with but i won t excuse you said walter in his most tones i particularly want to introduce you to my wife for one thing she is dying to make your acquaintance mrs is d ring to do nothing of the kind and if mrs is dying to make my acquaintance she can ask me to come and have tea with her any afternoon that there isn t a e and i will be charmed to accept the invitation i am not going on the stage tonight mr and so it isn t of the least use you asking me you re a very obstinate little miss said he yes i know that but i promised you that my obstinacy should not stand in your light and i have not let it do so it won t stand in light that i ve gone home to my bed like a good girl on the contrary they will say how sweet how good how simple how of the girl to go home to bed like a good child that has said its lesson it will make a far better impression than if i went on to the stage now about like a and drinking in all the praise i could get walter stood and looked at her little woman he said miss sir she made reply i thought down to this moment that you were a simple unaffected little girl from the provinces what you professed to be it seems to me that you have got as long a head upon those slight young shoulders of yours as ever philip had upon his the ghost of a smile flitted over the girl s face and if i have mr she said that would be all the better both for you and for me he burst out laughing patted her on the shoulder again and himself away the heroine of the hour he replied in answer to a question put to him as soon as he showed his face among the goodly crowd on the stage gone home to bed refuses to come in absolutely would not even come to be introduced to my wife what cried half a dozen incredulous voices no says that if my wife will ask her to tea by herself she will be charmed to go but that she is an and is not going to herself away on society and so my if you want to see the lady you must come and pay ten and sixpence to do it i tell me mr is she as	30
charming off as on is she i mean would you call her a lady a well bred woman mr looked at his rubbed the palms of his hands slowly together and said yes i should call her something more than a lady she s a good un well bred refined cultivated a lady in the best sense of the word to the very tips of her fingers heart and sword chapter x success the following morning was surprised by a visit from philip she had breakfast in bed and had afterwards risen at her leisure and was expecting every moment when the came up to her bedroom door and told her that there was a gentleman in tlie drawing room to see her she answered carelessly enough all right i will be down in half a minute it isn t the young miss said who was a friendly and young woman deeply interested in the love affairs of everybody with whom she came in contact oh who is it then well here s is card miss crossed the room and took the bit of out of the girl s work worn fingers mr philip she read oh thank you she found philip alone in the handsome but dreary drawing room he was standing near one of the long windows holding his hat in his hand as he heard the sound of the door closing he turned and came to meet her my dear child he said i congratulate you many times your success is perfectly assured have you seen the papers no not yet mr not yet not seen the papers hadn t you the curiosity as soon as your eyes were open thb morning to send out and buy the papers success no she said shaking her head in a way which left no doubt as to her i have neither asked for nor seen a paper yet but did you not want to know what the world was saying of you she looked at him a little why yes mr she replied i wanted to know badly enough but i was afraid they might say disagreeable things i thought that if there was good news somebody would bring it and if there was bad news the longer i could put off knowing it the better my dear child he said there can be no bad news after such a success as you had last night do you know that i had a message brought down to me after the first act to tell me that the public had taken to you not really i did not know it i mean that the public had not found fault with me at least i knew that they hadn t found fault with me i mustn t tell stories but i really did not know for certain that i was a success until the very end and even now i don t feel very sure about it he put his hat down upon the table and opened a bundle of newspapers which he was holding in his hand sit down here he said drawing her to the set to the window by which they were standing and read these it will probably take your breath away and you must a little of it by the bye why did you not show last night i came to the party on purpose to congratulate you you did of course i did and they told me that you had gone home to bed that nothing would induce you to remain and i yes said and he took hold of her hand my dear little girl he said vi s d sa r ve heart and sword not to see you but i admire you more than any words can express that you had the common sense to take your triumph so well and to go away and leave people a little curious about you she flushed up scarlet under his grave critical eyes well she said i don t know that it was altogether common sense mr to tell you the truth i was dying to go to the party and why did you not because when i first came into your company you told me that i could not serve two masters that it would be bad for me to be seen here there and everywhere and i made it my rule then that i would not go into society and i have kept to it and besides that my my young man with a charming smile breaking over her face came up from to see the play and he had not been asked to the party so you went off to supper with him no i came straight home the lady of this house gave us some supper but it was a very mild i assure you philip seemed for a moment like one brought to a sudden then his stern face broke into a smile and he patted her head you are a very good child you deserve every of your success he said in his kindest voice and some day you will be very thankful that i gave you that particular bit of advice see if you are not of course the gallant was pleased and proud of you and loved you all the better that you did not care to go and drink your fill of flattery at the hands of strangers leaving him in the cold i will leave you these papers you have only to go on as you have begun to be in a year or two at the very top of the tree you are gifted you have sense and good breeding and best of all you are honest and i am success very proud that you made the first steps of your dramatic career under my wing but remember taking both her	30
hands and looking down upon her remember that i have only lent you to walter you are still mine you still belong to me and i have always the first claim upon you she ran to the window to watch him go down the steps and get into the cab which was awaiting him perhaps it was only natural that her heart should be beating high and all her stirring briskly to have so great a man come personally to congratulate her on her success was a tremendous thing for one so young in the profession and had never under valued philip s kindness and indeed up to that moment she had never dared to think of him as a oh no as one of the girls at the had said one night to another when philip had passed in the wings with a pleasant word of greeting it s quite pathetic to see when mr speaks to her gone asked the other not a bit she wouldn t presume so far her adoration for him is a if he told her to jump out of a window she would probably go and do it without a moment s hesitation like the roman soldier that you know the story i don t said the other girl her eyes wandering over the bit of stage that they could see firom their place of what was it the first speaker turned and looked at her with intense amazement in her eyes you don t know that story she said and yet you are a member of philip s company i well the whole world is funny but that part of it that calls itself dramatic is than all the rest put together what was the story asked the t h f i o i loo heart and sword oh the story of a visitor to a great general in rome old rome you know speaking of devotion and dis when the emperor or the general or both in order to show his idea of discipline called a soldier to the where they were talking jump down there v he said whereupon the man saluted and instantly sprang into some hundreds of feet of space was he killed asked the other killed my history didn t tell me whether he was killed but i should think after jumping down some hundreds of feet he probably would be anyhow he d have died by this time so it s all the same i don t see said the girl who now heard the history for the first time i don t see what that has got to do with mr and little don t you then it s no use my explaining it my dear there s your cue but she was right for all that her little story ill told and halting as it had been had fallen upon stony ground but the girl s conception of philip s character had been quite true for it was his curious influence which made the of the what it was that curious attraction of himself which made the members of his company do what he wished not because they always understood his reason for wishing it but simply because his will was stronger than theirs as she stood there watching the drive away another cab drove up and jumped lightly out upon the pavement he was with her a couple of minutes later well dearest he said i have brought you all the papers but of course you have seen them no i have not seen a single paper not seen a paper why my dear child you ve got half a dozen there yes but i ve not looked at them success loi what a queer child you are why not v because i never thought of sending out for any and if i had done i should have been too frightened to look at them but mr came to congratulate me and he brought them spoke in a different tone yes wasn t it kind of him he went to the party last night expecting to find me there i think he was pleased that i had been strong minded enough not to go he asked if you were pleased at my success he asked if i was ah i so he came to see you and to congratulate you ah that was very decent of him if you had done something to win public favour said and if you cast all your strength upon one die and your colonel went twice a special journey for the purpose of you would you call it very decent of him he laughed a little well dear that was a mere de it was awfully good of mr to come and tell you that he was pleased at your success of course he was pleased he started you he was interested in you you are still one of his company i didn t mean anything nasty why should i now let us look at those together i ve got every one that i could lay hands upon by jove but this will make the people at home sit up it was true enough it did make the people at home sit up especially mrs that dignified lady who had accused her son s sweetheart of wishing to disgrace her from the moment that and first its way into public favour mrs graciously overlooked everything that had gone past while was still going through the papers with a came in these words t heart and sword congratulations from all at the she handed it to him with a little mournful sigh ah my dear he said it s a sign of the times success does such wonders for us it was only a few weeks well a few months that my mother talked about you us and now all eyes	30
turn to the rising sun i suppose it is natural it might be natural but suddenly broke down into passionate weeping it was in vain that himself and his family alike it was in vain that he called her every name and heaven to witness that he had believed in her from the first the girl was excited and she had borne the burden of a heavy strain right gallantly but the deadly anxiety had told upon her and her natural excitement would have its way s great anxiety was lest she should refuse to be in any way reconciled to his mother you know dearest he said when he had soothed her into calmness again people will have prejudices as long as the world lasts and now that the mother has come round you won t stand off will you he need not have had any fear was only too anxious to have no break of any kind with his people she never forgot for one moment that he had trusted her in what might have seemed to some people a wild goose chase she did not forget that mrs had in more senses than one right on her side so when the family from the came to town specially to see the new play and went to see them at once looking more charming than ever in her black garments for she was still wearing mourning for the aunt who had been ever to her why exclaimed mrs surprised out of herself how little changed you are changed said but what did you expect success me to be dressed in mrs with my an inch thick in paint and my hair golden i don t know what i expected said mrs her pride and making the best of the situation but not to find you just what you left us and then she kissed and the two girls seized upon her and the dear old explained that for his part there was nothing he loved better than a good wholesome theatre something with a good deal of laughter and a few tears in it he said in his bland and voice something to show one the good side of human nature with perhaps just a lesson wickedness but not too pronounced my dear not too pronounced ah wait till you see and mr said merrily i have read the of it i am looking forward to to night with the very greatest pleasure how she played for them i never had the piece gone so merrily or the tears fallen so freely and mrs owned herself conquered there was no longer therefore any question in the as to the wisdom of continuing in the profession into which she had entered in defiance of mrs s plainly expressed opinions of course mrs remarked to one or two of her most important neighbours after her return to little if the child had been an it would not have entered into her mind to do anything of this kind she could have shone in amateur and she would have contented herself with that but under the circumstances being practically for and being one of a really large family only a poor parson s son it would have been a sin to hide such a talent under a and there is nothing in the least fast or forward about the child oh not in heart and sword the least she is not at all altered and she lives in the most private and retired way possible with a very worthy person who was well known to poor dear miss poor old lady it makes me quite sad to think that she never saw her child s success she would have rejoiced in it so thoroughly i really don t like to think that she passed away without knowing anything about it it must have been a great thing for her to know that the little girl was safe under your protection said the great lady to whom she was speaking of course it is always a risk when a girl goes on the stage because the stage is an excuse for a good deal which is not legitimate drama though i believe at least i am told my sons and my daughters tell me far less so than used to be the case i am sure if one goes to a fashionable dinner party nowadays in london it is quite a dull affair if there is not some prominent actor or at it and the gulf is as wide between such people as those and the poor creatures that one hears of charged in the police courts with being drunk in the streets as it is between the merchant princes of london or liverpool and the good old soul who keeps the general shop in my village indeed dear mrs you are to be congratulated on having let her follow her own inclinations instead of them as some in your position might have done and to all such remarks mrs was wont to lend a willing ear with a resolute hand any little of conscience with which she might be troubled so time sped gaily on when we are well occupied and successfully time never hangs heavily upon our hands and to the weeks seemed to fly and still held the boards more than once the ladies had had new dresses and more or less handsome had been presented to on and two and other big nights there seemed no of the piece in mrs twice harry himself had been out of the caste for a few days owing to throat trouble but had never once given her a chance of taking her place and as she continued in brilliant health and spirits and seemed but to act better with each performance nobody could pretend that the profession was bad for her or she in	30
he would run down without delay to little consult his either and mother and make arrangements for the marriage to take place as quickly as possible so that night he went down to the and talked the situation over with his father who fully agreed with him that it would be the very best possible thing to give the protection and advantage of the married and as you say my dear boy there may come a time when she needs a long holiday for she has been under a tremendous strain all these months and she may be glad to have a few months of complete change such as a trip to india would be i think that is a very happy idea an extremely happy idea we will go and tell your mother and then do you make arrangements for carrying the matter through with as little delay as possible of course i will come up and marry you i suppose it would not be possible for you to be married here i don t see why not we wish it to be as quiet as mrs possible and could easily come down for the day i suppose a license would be as easy to get for here as for london oh certainly so went back with the news to but decided that she would prefer to be married in london if it was all the same to if i am married at little she said where i have lived all my life there is bound to be a great fuss it could not possibly be kept a secret and i should have to wear a very smart frock and i would very much rather that it took place in town besides that i must ask sir john and mr and it might be most inconvenient to them to spare a whole day from town i need hardly say that to it was all one whether they were married at little or in london by one person or by another quietly or with considerable fuss his only desire was to be married and to be married with as little delay as possible arrangements were therefore made for the wedding to be performed at s parish church and the date was fixed for the very first day of s last leave prior to for india this arrangement left sufficient time to order a new frock for the occasion she chose nothing but a smart walking dress such as would stand her in good stead during the few months to come her next step was to go down to sir john s chambers and him of the new move in her life sir john she said i won t keep you five minutes you may keep me fifteen or fifty said sir john thank you very much well sir john i have a piece of news for you another triumph no heart and sword no not exactly a triumph this time but i am going to be married going to be married not really yes lam and to the profession oh no but is very unhappy at going to india and leaving me and i have consented to be married he thinks it will be a protection to me and all that sort of thing and therein he is quite right said sir john i fully agree with him it is the most sensible thing that you can do that is taking for granted that you really care for him and really wish to spend the greater part of your life with him i mean this he said shifting his chair so as to be able to look at her you do really care for him it is not a boy and girl fancy not a bit of it sir john i really care for him then the best thing you can do as he must go to india and i suppose it is practically necessary that he should go to india is to be married it is a most wise arrangement and will be a great advantage to you in your lonely life in london when is it to be on the tenth and i want you sir john would you would you give me away of course i will by the bye what does my friend say about it i haven t told him yet ah well i he ll be very pleased you will be much less anxiety and trouble to him as mrs than you must be as miss i don t consider that i am any trouble to him as miss said with dignity no well you are not in his company just now and therefore i suppose you are not as soon as you go back into the company you will be a tremendous anxiety to everybody concerned mrs i don t see why no i don t suppose you do but facts are facts nevertheless you are going to tell him of course oh yes i am going to ask him to come i don t suppose he will because he never has any time but i shall ask him and the is coming of course he will perform the ceremony and they re all coming there is not going to be any party you know sir john but of course i shall send lady an invitation and i shall be more than glad if she comes because because my mother in law likes her and it will make things pleasant all round persuade her to come sir john won t you i don t think she ll want any persuading my dear said sir john eh what did you say sir john there s a gentleman very anxious to see you ril go said i ll go good bye i u send the invitation to place to night she got	30
into a cab at the entrance to the court and drove straight to the mr was there and was busy but on hearing that it was miss who wished to see him he sent a message that he would be free in five minutes and in a little more than that time was shown into the room in which he had first received her well he said in kind abrupt tones well are they going to take the piece off not that i have heard of she replied oh really i made sure that you were coming to tell me that you were released no said i came to tell you something else mr yes and that is well the is i am going to be married are you indeed oh that is s heart and sword not exactly sudden said but the fact is mr objects to go to india without me and and you are going no i cannot give up my work so i have promised to marry him instead and stay behind yes it him and he thinks it would be better for me and in some senses said philip he is right in some senses i think you are beginning your married life under a mistake but why she faltered well it is a separating life at the best of times that is the worst thing that can be laid to the charge of the dramatic profession it does tend to bring in other interests because even when both husband and wife are of the same profession it is not always possible for them to be together and it is impossible to enter the marriage state and keep quite as one when interests are divided all your interests are naturally in a totally different life all yours will be here when you meet again you will not be the same as you are the day that you part why not because you are human beings said philip very gravely because human nature is only human nature and it is easier to keep unchanged in a life than in an active one i know he went on that there are people who think that there is a good deal of between the army and the stage they are mistaken i know it of my own experience the woman who is accustomed to an army life can never herself really with the interests of the stage the woman who is accustomed to a dramatic life finds herself and checked on all hands by the social which seem to be essentially a part of a mrs s life it may seem to the that both are more or less that both are what we are accustomed to call devil may care states of existence but it is not so i have never yet he went on known the soldier who was absolutely free from the of and i have never yet known the actor who could cheerfully it is curious but such is my experience have you thought carefully over the matter oh yes and it is too late to draw back now even if i wished to do so and you do not wish well well let us hope that time will be merciful to you that you will find in a few years that if philip understood how to run a theatre he was hopelessly out of it in his matrimonial and you will come to my wedding mr said yes yes i will come do s people consent oh yes his father is going to marry us and they are all coming sir john is going to give me away then said he i will come in the guise of the ornamental guest you have asked miss i didn t uke to do so said oh you should ask her she takes a great interest in you you should ask her it will give her great pleasure if you do so he rose as he spoke and taking the hint rose also and as he took her hand to say farewell he looked down upon her with eyes full of pity i hope you will be happy he said i hope it will all turn out for the best you have been very fortunate so far but not more so than you deserve for some things i wish that you had waited until you were a little s heart and sword further along your journey a little more firmly fixed in your mind but there there go away and don t think that i was a or that i will come to your wedding and be a skeleton at the feast the only other guests whom invited were her manager harry and walter and the day following she was surprised by a visit fa m lady who came to suggest that as sir john was going to act the part of father to her she should be allowed to take the place of her mother and receive the party in place after the ceremony but the trouble lady not a trouble at all but a very great pleasure said lady decidedly it will please sir john and it will be good for you and as your husband is so soon to leave you it is better that you should be married to a certain extent with a flourish of trumpets and another thing it will do you no harm with your future husband s family that you had other friends able and willing to help you besides themselves so shall we look upon it as a settled thing so it came about that and were married by the and that was given away by sir john the eminent q c whose wife entertained the whole party to luncheon afterwards it was a most gay and merry the great actor philip proposed the health of the bride and groom and returned thanks in the	30
already x ii heart and sword the station ready for departure when she drove there after seeing the last of the and got into a carriage by herself giving a shilling to the guard that he should lock her in and allow nobody else to enter then when they were once fairly started the pent up tears which she had bravely beaten down lest she should send away unhappy found an outlet and she arrived home in a state on her faithful maid who had for years served leading members of the dramatic profession was awaiting her with comforting words and tender she had got a small and dainty dinner ready for her for always dined in her own rooms instead of in the public dining room of the and if she did not eat much she at least was sufficiently and comforted to be able to drive down as usual to the theatre and to take her part very much as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened the time that went on better than might have been expected she missed dreadfully at times it was horrible to come home alone at night to find nobody but a maid servant awaiting her it was dreadful to have to decide every point for herself to dispose of every holiday without reference to the charming companion who had been hers so short a time but without doubt the responsibility of a crowded theatre each evening and on two in the week did take off from the inclination to and shortly s departure for an indian station harry put on a new piece not to the of and that was now well on its second year and seemed likely to continue as the pi ce de at the but a first piece of a wholly different order to the little which had so taken the public fancy this was the work of a young of great gifts but as yet of little fame i could best describe it as a little of grief early days and it came to by a sort of inspiration that of all the known to him nobody would so take the principal part as his then leading lady and curiously enough the idea came to him the very night that the good ship had slipped away down channel carrying with her the sweetest half of miss s life a few days after this he called her into his private room miss i want to ask you a question he said yes i will answer it if i can she replied in her sweet natural voice well sit down there and tell me plainly and honestly are you feeling at all no you are not thinking that you would like to give up and take a few weeks rest i wasn t thinking of it mr why haven t i been playing as well you know i have been in trouble my dear young lady i had no such thought as that in my mind but you ve been a very long time playing the part of and you certainly haven t given your much chance so far the fact is look here i want to change the first piece i ve got a charming little curtain there s nothing in it but it might be made a great deal of it will only play about thirty five minutes it is totally different in to and but i fancy that the principal part the only girl part would suit you down to the ground will you think about it may i see the play may i read it to be sure you may i shouldn t expect you to give me an answer without doing so it is here take it home with you and think it over carefully don t let a soul see the on any account i heart and sword it was indeed as mr had said totally different in to and the scene of the play was laid in paris during the revolution of the w s a girl s heroism and self sacrifice for the lover of her choice and as read and she saw the possibilities which it contained she was no longer but a french girl of the ready to lay down her life for the man of her heart ay something more than that for it was not only to do it but to glory in the doing of it naturally enough harry made the occasion of this production as important as possible and all the world came to see how the heroine of and would herself in a part of more serious character the audience was enthusiastic but s greatest triumph consisted of a pencil note which was brought to her after the fall of the curtain it was from philip i just managed to come in and see you it ran my congratulations come and see me to morrow if you are free about one o clock so far as she knew it was the first time that he had seen her across the and when was shown into his room at the the following morning he rose up and went swiftly to meet her with both hands outstretched my dear girl he said my are yours i have once seen a little bit of your and no they did not tell you i slipped in one afternoon when i had half an hour to spare pretty weak dainty stuff like a child s story book calculated to do no harm even possibly to do a certain amount of good beyond that nothing but this little study in which i saw you last night is stuff of quite a e it early days is a mere trifle but it has possibilities and you have not missed them i asked you to come to day	30
because i want to say to you again what i once said before keep straight on in the narrow path of the student you have everything to gain by doing so you are very young but if you go on as you have begun you will one of these days be a very great one can never be a great by playing only pretty domestic one who goes in for broad comedy such as miss for instance may become a great artist in that line but the line is limited but the actor or who can get to the top of the ladder in serious drama can sway the world philip s opinion was the opinion of the multitude and the world once more to the little box which was known as the in its hundreds and thousands indeed so great was the to see miss in the new part that harry reversed the order of the programme and after the first fortnight they played and first and an episode last and by this time miss s name was one to with she could have had a dozen engagements at a moment s notice she was sought after eagerly and great ladies who found their in sought her for their and entreated her to help them by her presence it soon became known that miss could not be secured at private houses but for all sorts of charitable occasions miss was run after with a which was embarrassing and to her for philip barred her from doing any such work without his express permission if asks you he said one day when a certain great lady had pressed her very hard to help at a entertainment if asks you then we will heart and sword think about it for these ordinary people you must not yourself away they will do nothing for you at least they will do more for you if they find that you are not to be had for the asking no nor for the praying and after this s life seemed to grow fuller and fuller with every day that went over her head well into the third year of its run it was at last decided to take off the charming play and which had so long held the public favour to the and disgust of the manager of the philip refused to lend miss any longer to that theatre what will be the end of me she wrote to i cannot think or tell at present i am in the position of a bone being fought over by two dogs mr says there is no part for me at the and cannot be a part so long as miss is leading lady mr says that i have been at the long enough that he wants me back at the and that he will make a part for me what that part will be i cannot think and i should not be surprised if they did not both agree to lease me to yet another really dear boy i feel tempted sometimes to cut the whole thing and take the very first ship which would carry me to you meantime the last nights of and are advertised and there has been a sort of feeble rush to see the last of it it is but a in the for the run has been among the longest on record i wish that i could be in the next piece which is likely to be a big success but after all it was through being in the company that i ever got a chance of taking the public and one must pay for favour of that kind if mr upon my going back i shall go though i cannot think what he will find me to do if i should early days be in the next piece i shall have a big increase of salary we shall see what we shall see somehow this letter of s innocent as it was cut to the very heart perhaps because she had spoken of going out to him as the very most unlikely thing that could possibly happen as one speaks of another life as one of the impossible he was not sure he did not know as he sat there with the open letter in his hand whether he had done so wise a thing in marrying her before it was possible that they could live permanently together he had an uncomfortable sort of feeling that she was drifting away from him that even if he threw up the service or if he exchanged into another regiment she would never be the same again she had her own separate interests in which he could be no more than an he did not reflect that he was no more of an to her profession than she must of necessity be to his he only knew that he felt sore almost angry he only knew that s letters were full of her work full of her daily interests mostly dramatic that she seldom asked a question about his life and seemed to think it sufficient if she kept him well posted in hers it seemed to him that the slightest word of philip was more to her than his whole existence he did not doubt her honesty or her fidelity he was not afraid of lovers but he was afraid of her her life so that it would be complete without him in reply to her letter he wrote back by the mail which left the following day the very best thing my dearest that you can do he said is to these two gentlemen and to out here without the delay of a single hour i should be able to give you a perfectly glorious time the climate here is excellent sport superb extremely well planned and convenient there are only three	30
married heart and sword ladies in the regiment two of these being on the so that you would have a perfectly lovely time in the way of attention and so on there is plenty of i have a couple of good and three of the you ever saw in your life and we have a splendid amateur dramatic club of which if you come out you would be the bright particular ornamental star in his innocence he thought that the knowledge of the amateur dramatic club would be an extra to to give up her own profession to go out to india and become an of his he had so persuaded himself that she would see the force of his argument that from the time that he posted the letter he in his mind at least regarded his wife s coming as a settled thing so much so that he even spoke of it to his brother officers as a circumstance actually imminent he put himself to no little pains to fit the up in accordance with the of a mistress he picked up an extra fit for a lady and set inquiries on foot for a the following week he wrote to her again you will not have got my letter dearest yet but the more i think about you the more convinced i am that your right and proper place is here with me you will be a little queen out here and i the and most of your subjects it is the fashion to rail at everything in india all the fellows do it although half of them nay nine of them don t feel what they say one bit it is a very fine life in reality the servants are the best in the world one lives in style one has the best of everything that is going i had no idea before i came here that life was half so jolly half so comfortable or for the matter of that the new cheap believe me we can live here and save money on my pay alone the relief when i see your sweet little face will be beyond everything that i have ever imagined it makes me ill to think of you toiling night after night in that hot theatre the talk and the butt of half the in london going home to an empty house living a lonely sacrificing life and all for what for a few pounds a week which we do not want darling telegraph to me as soon as you receive this just yes or no that i may be quite sure you are really coming he stopped when he got to this point to whether there was anything else that he particularly wished to say and just then one of the men who shared his came in with a newspaper in his hand so he said with a flourish of the paper your wife and philip are going to play and after all chapter xiii the new when found that his wife was announced to play to philip s he tore up the letter which he had written as a to the one in which he had suggested her going out to join him in india instead of sending it he wrote another i see by the papers he said that you are going to play to s i had been hoping as you will know by the time you receive this that you would consent to come out here instead of v t heart and sword your profession but since you have cast the die i will say no more about it i have quite made up my mind to one thing however that the moment i get my troop i shall exchange into a home regiment i have always had an idea that i would hang on in the black horse until i should be given the command but ten more years of indian service would mean practically ten years separation from you and that i cannot stand if you will not come out to me i must sacrifice my de corps and arrange so as to remain in england every day that goes over my head only teaches me more and more how entirely you sway my life how entirely and utterly i want you and need you i am convinced that if you had come out we should have had a splendid time together but since you have apparently set your feet so firmly upon the ladder of dramatic art and have succeeded so far as to be going to play to philip s i you know darling would be the last in the world to stand in your light i take it that only a thoroughly selfish husband would wish to do that to tell you the truth i never until now how far you had gone in your career it would have been so little to ask you to give up a mere drawing room sort of part such as you had in and but to ask you to give up the biggest chance that an can have is not my idea of proving my devotion to you at the same time do not forget dearest that i am lonely and miserable and wretched without you i search the papers first of all for a sight of your name for some little bit of news about you the gaiety which goes on here continually is all dead sea fruit because you are not here to take part in it i begin to echo the sentiments of the others that india is a big arid desert no better than a huge prison house when received this letter she was working very the new hard for the approaching production of and she found extremely hard to satisfy and her bed was certainly at that time not one of roses she	30
felt very keenly from s letter that although she might be fighting a very brave fight for her place in the world she was hopelessly out of it as regards her of course they had married by s wish under the distinct understanding and promise that her career should not be interfered with by matrimony still it was none the less hard upon him that he should be out there alone married and yet not married with all the tie and none of the companionship of a wife it is hard upon you dear old she wrote to have me living in london and unable to join you but indeed it would be madness to give up the stage at present think of one who has been little more than three years at work playing to philip s it is the chance of a century of course i may make a hideous failure but he does not think that i shall at he is frightful so particular so fi strict so terribly hard to satisfy he never loses his temper i have scarcely ever heard him speak even sharply he might be in a s drawing room and yet he is as as iron as cold as steel as as a diamond there did you ever hear of three such in all your life before i believe that his company would to a man and woman lay down their lives for him and as he does not ask for their lives in the ordinary sense of the word he takes the sacrifice another way so when once you enter the company you give up all idea of having a soul of your own i fondly imagined when i started out to study the part of that as had been dead for about three centuries i should not have the nuisance of trying to the author s ideal d oc heart and sword my own judgment of a part i don t believe dear boy that if he were here would be in it as a critic with philip the effect of this letter upon was to fill him with wild regret that he had ever chosen the profession of a soldier now why the devil his thoughts ran couldn t i make an actor of myself we could have played in the same pieces and held the same interests and lived the same life as it is her only idea of a hero is this faced she takes it as a natural thing that i should lay myself down on the floor under her feet and by jove she seems to take it as an equally natural thing that if this throws her a civil word she should be in the seventh heaven of delight then his conscience took him to task for above all things was an honest young man and had a natural leaning towards the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth by jove it isn t fair to say that his thoughts ran i am quite sure the little woman would live in the same house with for ten years and never give him a thought it is natural enough when she is so utterly gone on her acting that she should think the world of england s greatest actor and after all he is right enough there is no getting a regiment into good order unless you them in season and out of season the best commanding officers are the hardest to satisfy and why shouldn t it be the same with the commanding officer of a big theatre and then came the news that was a success never before the critics declared at least within the memory of man had been so completely as in the performance of miss at last cried one gentleman who held the dramatic conscience of a very powerful daily journal at last we have a who looks fifteen during my the new forty years as a it has been my duty to see many it was my privilege to see the celebrated mrs an of great intelligence but of unfortunate bulk the of that day were great in mrs s praises but my youthful imagination was completely by the fact that she was of proportions and possessed a deep voice then there was the beautiful miss who had she not been the mistress of a royal duke would never have seen the boards at all she had the slim and graceful proportions but in her ability was strangely lacking this good gentleman through his recollections of forty years expressed his wonder that mary had never the part of and wound up with a glowing on the new star charm pathos tenderness delightful and innocent all are expressed here philip he wound up has done many brilliant things as and manager of the but of these none can be more acceptable to the public at large than his discovery of the most graceful the most intelligent the most brilliantly endowed of modern times now playing on the time honoured boards of the first theatre in london it must be confessed that laid down the paper which thus spoke of with a long sigh of happiness and of relief so she had stayed to some purpose so she had succeeded beyond the wildest dreams of ambition so the girl who was going to disgrace the family of had made the name illustrious in that moment he was glad that she had not yielded to his wish that she should go out to india he was glad she had carried her point to be true to herself and to the line of which life she had taken up he was proud and pleased and all his little world hastened to offer him the warmest and congratulations i heart and sword and meantime herself was living in a fever of excitement she had been and made much	30
of as miss of the as the finest of modern times she was the most distinguished woman in london she did not this all at once she went home after the first night of and excited and happy but not in the least grasping the of her success the papers the following day came upon her like a series of thunder her first instinct was that they were making game of her that the enthusiasm was the bitterest of satire then she got up and went and looked at herself in the glass do you what has happened to you do you that you are something not mere common flesh and blood but something out of the ordinary something almost too precious to live my dear do you know that you ve got to the top of the tree you the girl from little who grumbled because she had not enough and was frightened of mrs why it is preposterous you little owl you don t it a bit in the world and you haven t a soul that you can go to and have a long satisfying talk about it do you it no not a bit why i m making rhyme i must be going off my head and then down she dropped and all the pent up excitement burst out in floods of passionate weeping yet in spite of her excitement she was a sensible girl she cried her fill and then she rang the bell for she said when that person appeared upon the scene i have cried till i am sick over the papers i am going to telegraph down to little and see if the young ladies won t come up and stay with me i must have some one to talk to but madam said you should be delighted and not crying over what the papers are saying the new about you i can assure you madam all the people in the house are to get a peep at you i have been made as much fuss of this morning as if i was myself instead of my mistress yes i know said but it was such hard work last night and you don t know how things are going you know how excited i was if i might suggest madam an egg beaten up in a little port wine it sounds disgusting said leaning back and her eyes but that wouldn t be what you d call flying to drink would it oh no madam certainly not why it s a pick up you would give to a baby i didn t know babies took pick said but i do feel most dreadfully played out i will wire down to little at once it was not more than an hour and a journey from little to london and s urgent message being perfectly understood she received within a couple of hours a reply that the girls would start for london by the three o clock train and after that life became a sort of battle field for the new she had been extremely popular as but the light of was for ever put out beside the flaming success of her her correspondence daily grew larger and larger and yet never seemed to come to an end it seemed as if the hunters in the kingdom had down upon the girl as a swarm of bees might down upon a barrel of honey she had enough of various articles to eat drink and wear in her rooms to have started a small shop came by the hundred at least a dozen requested the honour of taking her in her dress and before a week was over two great painters asked permission to paint her portrait in the same heart and sword to the girls all this was excitement and joy and delight another of letters said violet on the third afternoon after their arrival any from is the mail in asked from her big chair no nothing from india then open them all which violet nothing loth at once proceeded to do item number one she said messrs sons are sending for your gracious acceptance a box of soap to preserve the complexion of the most lily like hope if you approve of it that you will send them a few lines of have enclosed the soap in a pretty fancy box with your that must be the parcel shall i open it before i read the next just as you like said i am sure it s extremely kind of messrs co it s lovely soap said violet and what a lovely box she exclaimed as she pulled aside the paper a handsome carved box on which the k m were a conspicuous part of the design now for item number two messrs beg to forward you a packet of dr s they would also like the of a few words item number three court very anxious to make you a gown item number four number five six seven eight will you sign photograph in your costume if small girl sends it nine will you give away working girls association east end club lady would like to show you as a specimen of modern working girl et st john would like to take your photograph has taken all the royal family and most of the aristocracy of is very anxious to your the new for her scotch will you order two or three dress in order that they may use your name especially white thinks you can do a great deal to make these the fashion if you would hopes you are patriotic and so on oh oh i say oh my dear asked dear miss read violet i have tried hard to get to know you by legitimate means but the heart of is hard and all the other people i know	30
either don t know you or say that they don t will you put aside for once and allow me to make your acquaintance in this way i have been to the the last three nights but old who knows me well is as hard as a flint refusing to do anything to help me to get to know you i am sending by hand to morrow a few flowers for your acceptance i dare not send you or i would lay all bond street at your feet will you allow me to call upon you and believe me your devoted servant lord is the of s eldest son of i wonder if her grace would be so gone on getting my valuable help to make white the if she knew that her eldest hopeful had set his young affections upon the new then those said are the flowers that came this morning and you could not imagine who sent them well his has uncommonly good taste i must say and it is delightful to have one s rooms smothered in flowers like this shall you let him come and see you no said certainly not but lord did visit miss t ft heart and sword and for the matter of that before she had time to reply to his letter that very afternoon he arrived by a young man of s acquaintance i do hope miss he said that you will forgive my but i am so desperately anxious to make your acquaintance and when st john happened to say to day that he knew you we have been together i simply insisted that he should bring me to see you at once i hope you forgive him because he really had no choice i would have broken his head if he hadn t brought me oh yes i know of course that you are mrs oh yes everybody knows that but somehow it doesn t seem natural to call ou mrs does it you ve taken the hearts of the public by storm as miss and i am afraid that though your husband may be very indignant and you may be indignant too you ll be miss to the end of the chapter somehow it seems to make you belong to us more he was very good looking this boy of a scotch sandy t big and broad of frame and a trifle as to his cheek bones he was very young not more than two and twenty at the outside but his manners were his blue eyes pleasant and and his adoration of the new was touching in the extreme he talked to about her husband which was very wise and looked at his photograph said what a good looking chap he was worked in his mother and the white not in these words but he told that he wished she knew his mother that his mother was one of the women he had ever known in his life so wide minded you know miss he remarked such a jolly woman and she does such a lot of good you can t think among the said oh yes she local native prudence she has a regular shop both at the house and at the castle when she gets to know you miss she will certainly ask you first of all to buy something of her i dare say she will said laughing outright to tell you the truth lord i had a letter firom your mother to day her is white miss said the young lord earnestly i assure you that my is one of the women in the world and if you want to make her your slave for ever you have only to buy a of white and make it the there is nothing in the world she wouldn t do for you then chapter xiv prudence miss did send the an order for white and the immediately called upon her and stayed quite a long time in the dainty drawing room of the flat at the treating with great civility indeed making her feel that the favour was all upon her side and that she had placed the under an enormous obligation my son lord tells me that he already knows you and that you have a quite charming husband miss you must indeed forgive me for calling you so but i do not know your married name that is these are my sisters in law said indicating the two girls whom she had previously presented to the great lady it is easier for people to call heart and sword me by the name that i am known by she explained it is very difficult to remember when one has two names and of course everybody knows me as shall i have the pleasure of seeing your husband the asked oh my husband is in india said in a tone i wish that you could have the pleasure of seeing him and i too with a fleeting smile you see he is anxious to stay in his regiment until he gets his troop then he will exchange and be at home so that we can see something of each other you must bring him to see me when he does come home said the perhaps by that time you may be taking a little holiday and you could come to us at the castle that would be a great pleasure to us all i should love to do so said then we will regard that as settled for the time your husband comes home then i can show you all my poor people and you will what busy lives they lead how different to you town people who scarce know a blade of grass from a but said i lived in the country all my life till a few years ago it is the town that	30
i don t know not the country i fancy indeed she continued smiling again that if i were to put you through an examination on you would come off the worst of the two but i should love to come to the castle to see all your village which your son tells me are most interesting i am having two of the dresses made up now ah yes do tell me exactly how how well one is being trimmed with golden and a little suspicion of gold the other i am having in white with the all white dress i shall wear a big black hat with feathers you know a prudence picture hat with the other a little brown velvet with a couple of eagle s feathers fastened by a golden clasp and when you wear them said the i beg it shall be at my house and i will have every woman in london to meet you oh yes i know them all they will do anything for me and they shall puff my white until my people at home don t know how to carry out their orders as she drove back to house a bright idea struck the she had never given her celebrated white rs a name how if she were to make some slight difference of texture and them the if she could only that pretty little dainty girl to identify herself with the new she would bring comfort and prosperity to many a home in the immediate future such a lucky thing the thought that she happens to be married with a son so as he might take all sorts of ideas and even want to make a of her but with such an attractive young husband in the background she is safe enough in herself and will serve to keep out of mischief so the made much of inviting her freely to house and also her young sisters in law both were exceedingly good looking girls and fully appreciated the privilege it was to enjoy the s countenance so between and the s was fairly started on the high road to social success she went out very little it is true for she had but little time at her disposal and the strain of playing was very great and had been running for three months when miss came back from a long tour in italy she made her appearance at the on the very heart and sword evening of her return home and at the end of the first act went round to s dressing room i like you she said better than anybody i have ever seen as you have the great style heaven knows where you got it but it s there you ll admit little that in clearing out to give you a chance of playing at the i did you an uncommonly good turn indeed you did miss said gratefully well i m glad i did i like you in the part and you ve never made love to philip i couldn t stand a little miss here who would try on anything of that kind laughed outright a v real laugh full of amusement what are you laughing at asked miss her own blue eyes dancing with anticipation well i was thinking i should as soon dream of making love to oh well to the as to mr he would look at me and he oh well you know what he would say i don t at all know what he would say said miss shortly what s your idea i think he would say that my dress would look better an inch shorter or longer or wider or fuller he would make me feel that i was a little provincial idiot who had forgotten herself that s as may be said miss still speaking rather shortly tell me what are you going to do when goes off ah i don t know i have no idea because i am going to play in that new of s when goes off and i don t believe there s a part for you in it not a part fit for you oh well something will turn up said per prudence i shall take a holiday i have been a long time at work now miss leaned forward in her chair take my advice don t take much of a holiday when you ve been as many years before the public as i have you can please yourself what you do as soon as you are free of go somewhere for a fortnight and let people think that you are studying working hard at a new part you needn t open a book or give the theatre a thought but somehow or another the public like to think of the stage as a very serious profession it is serious enough god knows and hard work enough god knows but there still in the general mind which is an intensely f one mind you an idea that the modem goes to houses and never heard a naughty story in her life is in such to the old days when players were always drunk and invariably dissipated that she has no human sympathies weaknesses or for that section of the general public keep up the idea that you are a student for the other section which the of to day be domestic take a tender interest in your jam pots and the blue plates that you hang upon your dining room walls be very modest and shy and humble let it be understood that you are never so thoroughly happy as when you find yourself far from the crowd in the heart of the country don t collect anything more vicious than my dear girl believe me if went off to morrow and you found yourself with six	30
weeks before you that you might do what you liked with nothing would so inevitably wreck your career as to spend that six weeks at no one would ever believe in you again there you are called good cheer to you my dear i am always your friend and nobody is more glad than i am that you went straight to the front i heart and sword probably if had not been in her make up miss would have kissed her as it was she took both her hands held them for a moment and then flitted away with a gay word of adieu but all the same ran for nearly two months longer ran for weeks after s new play had been put into ran so strongly that it would have been madness to have dreamed of taking it off still the best things come to an end in time and at last the went forth that was practically finished immediately that it was known in the theatrical world that there was no part in the new play for miss there was a rush among to secure her services by this time she was free of philip i mean that he was no longer in a position to lend her to another and was able to pick and choose just how and as she chose among the many offers made to her was one from a young irish actor of great ability and of brilliant one this young man had been for years a great favourite with the public he was a gentleman by birth a man of the ability ai d of great distinction as an actor he was going into management for the first time with a new play by one of the most successful and prominent of the time the theme was a strange one and the part which both he and the author wished miss to create was one of extraordinary power and promise for a few days could not make up her mind as to what course she ought to pursue over and over again she gave a great sigh to the feet that was so far away that his advice was practically not at her disposal one cannot telegraph for advice she said to violet as she talked over the situation with that young lady and even if i could write and lay everything before him it is not the same as being here i might cover of paper without being able to make ex prudence understand the lie of things and that at the shortest would take three weeks i think i shall take s offer fifty pounds a week and a splendid part how could i expect to do better yes i think i shall take his offer but is it a splendid part asked violet turned and looked at her sister in law doubtfully yes it is a grand part unlike anything i have ever done a nasty part a part of a bad woman an bad woman and yet it will give me another chance of showing what there is in me and there is no miss behind to step into one s shoes the moment the play is changed i think i shall take it eventually she decided to do so and the news soon spread throughout the theatrical world that miss was going to create the principal part in the new play to be produced under s management one miss insisted on which was that she should have a fortnight of absolute freedom from any letters work or worry before she began to study the part and that fortnight it being lovely spring weather she spent with her sister in law violet at a quiet little place on the coast a place wherein time seemed to have stood still for many and many a year a place where nobody knew that she was an or would have understood her life had they done so it was primitive old world and fresh a place of deep seas of restless waves of blue skies and the green of a beneficent and prodigal nature a place where could sit for hours drinking in the strong of from the sea and rocks a place pre eminently one of rest it is easy to from long strain when one is young it is those who have passed middle age who find that every effort leaves them weaker that every i a heart and sword rest must be longer than the one which went before it at the end of a fortnight went back to london well ready for anything which might happen and most of all for mj part of the beautiful prudence in all her life she had never been in such frame of mind as when she was trying to get inside ae part of the girl she felt as she thought ol the which her had created as if she were an utter and fraud for had been no more to her than a tiresome piece of work difficult and tedious in the matter of satisfying philip with the part of prudence everything was different for six weeks she lived moved ate drank and slept to the tune of prudence she was like a being possessed by some spirit other than her own with the story of prudence we need not attempt to deal suffice it to say that the character was one of a fiery brilliant nature pent up by the of a creed to desperation there was passion desire nobility impatience wild generosity and sterling worth all together in that slim personality the character seemed to take hold of the girl as a second nature at she and the author of the play alike she s magnificent exclaimed to one day when the piece had been in for over a fortnight but my dear fellow she cuts	30
the ground from under your feet and takes the shine out of you properly what do i care for that said with a laugh i want a big success i d be content to take four line part myself provided that i could get my theatre filled and keep it going until the end of the season all prudence business with me old fellow i don t care a brass for i want the of a big success and by jove i believe we ve got it i believe so to though one never knows until the curtain has dropped at the end of the first still she s wonderful so electric so full of e so al by jove i didn t think she had it in good as she has been in ever else that she has done the curtain fell the first night upon a scene of extraordinary excitement one section of the audience howled and its approval with of the feet and showers of the other equally strong in its mode of expression conveyed the most absolute of the play just witnessed by jove they mean to tear down the theatre exclaimed to as they stood at the wings what had we better do do oh nothing let em fight it out that last scene was a bit too strong for a good many of them they re calling for you said all right i m quite ready for them so stepped in front of the curtain and bowed his to the mass of people across the splendid disgraceful shame were the conflicting cries which with cheers and vigorous greeted him and there stood smiling his sweetest for this scene was he knew but the of a and vivid interest in the fortunes of his play then there were fresh calls for and for who when she came on was received with a perfect of and then escorted her to the wing and himself came back and stood prepared to speak it was heart and sword however some minutes before the tumult died down sufficiently for him to make himself heard ladies and gentlemen he said at last by your different ways of expressing yourselves it is plain that the play which i have presented to you to night has not met with approval i contend that the scenes we have shown you are in no wise exaggerated but are faithful of the truth it goes against the grain with me to say what i am going to say now but say it i must go on sir cried a voice from the body of the theatre thank you i will go on said you have had to night ladies and gentlemen a shown to you a picture created by one of the first if not the first of living a man as well known to you for his honour as for his fidelity to nature in the plays which he sets before you the principal part has been created by a lady who may justly be called the idol of the british public i grieve that it should happen to this lady in my theatre that her tremendous effort should have been received with i have no doubt that to some the character and part of prudence has proved entirely so it would be to some persons if their lives could be laid bare before the british public as the life of prudence has been laid bare before you to night cried a voice thank you i do not the character of prudence but i assert that many such women do live and have lived among us and i am confident that in three months time we shall still be presenting the play which you have just seen for the first time and that my theatre will be as full then as it is to night my belief in the public is and to them i commend the play with which i have commenced my first a little supper after the play attempt at management ladies and gentlemen i have the honour to bid you good night there might have been a few after had retired but if so they were drowned in the great tumult of applause which followed this daring speech and so the curtain went down and those who were most keenly interested in the play had no choice but to await the verdict in the journals of the morrow chapter xv a little supper after the play without doubt had secured the biggest theatrical success which had been known for many and many a year the new play was a gigantic success of course there were some journals which against the play and every character in it against against and equally against miss when i think wrote the of the daily when i look back and think of the lives which have flitted to and fro upon the english stage when i think of the virtuous mothers tender daughters and devoted wives who have lived their career as i am tempted after forty years to sit down and ask can such things be the of the home the value of feminine virtue the tenderness the fidelity the purity of are all as we watch the development of the character of prudence i have witnessed every play of importance which has seen the light in london for the last forty years and i have never known what it was to feel mv heart and sword cheek with a blush until i saw before me the living of this girl i regret alike that an actor so capable so honest so fresh as should have lent himself to this exhibition and that being so it will readily be understood that i doubly regret that the of the century should have degraded her art and to the fin de taste which like the pomp and luxury of later roman times is	30
but the of our national the world will flock to see prudence that goes without saying the world is very wicked the which pleases the eye and the senses the perfection of art the minute care of detail necessary to a eat success all are there mothers will take their young daughters who will it is profoundly to be desired never for years to come nor understand the wickedness of the play the theatre will be full to overflowing but the majority of the spectators will and the play of prudence heaven be thanked there are still in these later days some few of us who honour and respect and admire the old fashioned sweetly blooming with all fair and feminine graces it was not a criticism but it helped to fill the theatre for almost every other journal particularly the like journals and biting took up the remarks of him who ruled over the dramatic fortunes of the daily and openly at them the itself said that its dear old friend s remarks reminded him of the story of the old gentleman and the and went on to remark that forty years of domestic bliss seemed to have his to the fact that there are other women in the world than those whose highest honour is bounded by shirt buttons the other journals who took up the cry were a little supper after the play and s theatre was filled to never had there been such known people were ready to pay any price and to wait any length of time for seats in fact the advertisement in the papers was seats may now be three months in advance in the cheaper parts of the house the excitement was just as great every day along the street a began to form early in the afternoon and every night the play was listened to with breathless attention and greeted with of tumultuous applause it was with some difficulty that secured seats for the and mrs that was when the play had been running over a month mrs curiously between pride in and the natural to her the roared at the jokes and winked at the and invited them to supper in his private room when the performance was over this was partly by way of pleasing miss and partly by way of the presence of an b of the church at such a performance was i need hardly say of the greatest value to the management was a wise young man he did not wish his theatre in any way to be touched by and therefore he made a special little supper to meet miss s father and mother in law b supper which gave both the and his wife a wholly new idea of the standing of the stage the only other guests besides and the two girls were the author of prudence a distinguished oxford professor a famous painter lord and the of the supper was beautifully served and exquisitely cooked the were of great perfection and to a turn the company was merry but it was the merriment that might have obtained in a palace mrs was heart and sword astonished for in spite of s manners she still had an idea that theatre people as she called them in her heart could not meet for any little con without immediately becoming absolutely and presently when the had all been disposed of left his place and went round beside the at the other end of the table mr he said i would like to have your candid opinion of the play my dear sir said the i will give you my opinion in one sentence it is the finest sermon i have heard preached for years as a theatrical manager had himself upon his old chief philip at the s words he crossed his legs strained himself back in his chair and rubbed his fingers to and fro over his chin well now mr he said in his most confidential tones i am very pleased to hear you say that because we have had a great many reproaches hurled at us which are absolutely and utterly unjust and even an actor you know has his feelings has his feelings and it is hard when you are doing your very best to be openly reproached as a king of public of the young and innocent of course with a wide minded woman like the i felt pretty sure of my ground a carries great weight mr and it is a good thing both for your daughter in law and for me that the of is as wide minded and i may say as morally influential as she is but when i get the opinion of a man in another position a high of the church a man of weight learning and personal influence i get something more than the influence which even a a little supper after the play i get what i may call the opinion of an expert in morality and i must confess with pleasure to you that it is very comfortable to me to feel that you do not condemn the play which you have seen to night it is strong it with very deep subjects such as are not always openly discussed but we all know that these deep and questions exist and i do not believe it is possible that they can be discussed more delicately and more more more and with greater suggested the drawing in his under lip and looking very wise yes mr you are quite right with greater than has been accomplished by my friend mr i personally have no taste for plays which may be as loose i make for success as every actor who goes into management does but it would take away all the out of the salt of my success	30

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