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master and you have them still i am sure i looking at his noble head and fine eyes the strange subtle smile i had noticed once or twice before lightened his face ah you mean to compliment me he said you like my looks many people do yet after all there is nothing so as one s outward appearance the reason of this is that as soon as childhood is past we are always to be what we are not and thus with the sorrows of satan constant practice from our youth up we manage to make our frames complete for our actual selves it is really wise and clever of us for hence each individual is so much flesh wall through which neither friend nor enemy can spy every man is a solitary soul imprisoned in a self made den when he is quite alone he knows and frequently hates himself sometimes he even gets afraid of the gaunt and monster he keeps hidden behind his outwardly pleasant body mask and to forget its frightful existence in drink and that is what i do occasionally you would not thin of me would you never i quickly for something in his voice and aspect moved me ly you yourself and wrong your own he laughed softly perhaps i he said carelessly this much you may believe of me that i am if worse than most men now to return to the subject of literary career you have written a book you say well publish it and see the result if you only make one hit that is something and there are ways of arranging that the hit shall be made what is your story about i hope it is improper it certainly is not i replied warmly it is a romance dealing with the noblest forms of life and highest i wrote it with the intention of and the thoughts of my readers and wished if i could to comfort those who had loss or sorrow smiled ah it won t do he i assure you it won t it doesn t fit the age it might go down possibly if you could give a first night of it as it were to the critics like one of my most intimate friends henry a combined with an excellent supper and any amount of good drinks going otherwise it s no use if it is to succeed by itself it must not attempt to be literature it must simply be as as you can make it the sorrows of satan without offending advanced women that is giving you a good wide margin put in as much as you can about matters and the bearing of children in brief discourse of men and women simply as cattle who exist merely for breeding purposes and your success will be enormous there s not a critic living who won t you there s not a s school girl of fifteen who will not over your pages in the silence of her bedroom such a flash of withering derision darted from his eyes as startled me i could find no words to answer him for the moment and he went on what put it into your head my dear tempest to write a book dealing with as you say the noblest forms of life there are no noble forms of life left on this planet it is all low and commercial man is a and his aims like himself for noble forms of life seek other worlds there are others then again people don t want their thoughts raised or in the novels they read for amusement they go to church for that and get very bored during the process and why should you wish to comfort folks who out of their own sheer stupidity generally get into trouble they wouldn t comfort they would not give you sixpence to save you from starvation my good fellow leave your behind you with your poverty live your life to yourself if you do anything for others they will only treat you with the ingratitude so take my advice and don t sacrifice your own personal interests for any consideration whatever he rose from the table as he spoke and stood with his back to the bright fire smoking his cigar and i gazed at his handsome figure and face with just the faintest thrill of pained doubt darkening my admiration if you were not so good looking i should call you heartless i said at last but your features are a direct contradiction to your words you have not really that indifference to human nature which you strive to assume your the sorrows of satan whole aspect a generosity of spirit which you cannot conquer if you would besides are you not always trying to do good he smiled always that is i am always at work endeavouring to gratify every man s desire whether that is good of me or bad remains to be proved men s wants are almost the only thing none of them ever seem to wish so far as i am concerned is to cut my acquaintance why of course not after once meeting you how could they i said laughing at the absurdity of the suggestion he gave me a side look their desires are not rs virtuous he remarked turning to off the ash of his cigar into the grate but of course you do not gratify them in their vices i rejoined still laughing that would be playing the part of a benefactor somewhat too thoroughly ah now i see we shall in the of theory if we go any further he said you forget my | 33 |
a man a woman is only a man s and without beauty she cannot put forth any just claim to his admiration or his support right very right and argued he exclaimed becoming serious in a moment i myself have no sympathy with the new ideas that are in concerning the of woman she is simply the female of man she has no real soul save that which is a of his and being destitute of logic she is incapable of forming a correct opinion on any subject all the of religion is kept up by this hysterical creature and it is curious considering how inferior a being she is what mischief she has contrived to make in the world the plans of the wisest kings and who as mere men should undoubtedly have mastered her and in the present age she is becoming more than ever it is only a passing phase i returned carelessly a got up by a few and types of the feminine sex i care very little for women i doubt whether i shall ever marry well you have plenty of time to consider and amuse yourself with the fair ones he said watching me the sorrows of satan narrowly and in the meantime i can take you round the different marriage of the world if you choose though the largest one of them all is of course this very metropolis splendid to be had my dear friend wonderful and specimens going really very cheap we ll examine them at our leisure i m glad you have yourself decided that we are to be comrades for i am proud i may say proud and never stay in any man s company when he expresses the slightest wish to be rid of me good night good night i responded we clasped hands again and they were still when a sudden flash of lightning blazed vividly across the room followed by a terrific clap of thunder the electric lights went out and only the glow of the fire our faces i was a little startled and confused the prince stood still quite his eyes shining like those of a cat in the darkness what a storm he remarked lightly such thunder in winter is rather unusual the entered his sinister countenance resembling a white mask made visible in the gloom these lamps have gone out said his master it s very odd that civilized humanity has not yet learned the complete management of the electric light can you put them in order yes your and in a few moments by some which i did not understand and could not see the crystal shone forth again with renewed brilliancy another peal of thunder overhead followed by a of rain really remarkable weather for january said again giving me his hand good night my friend sleep well if the anger of the elements will permit i returned smiling oh never mind the elements man has nearly mastered the sorrows of satan them or soon will do so now that he is getting gradually convinced there is no deity to interfere in his business show mr tempest to his room obeyed and crossing the corridor ushered me into a large luxurious apartment richly furnished and lit up by the blaze of a bright fire the comforting warmth shone welcome upon me as i entered and i who had not experienced such personal luxury since my boyhood s days felt more than ever overpowered by the sense of my sudden extraordinary good fortune waited respectfully now and then glancing at me with an expression which to my fancy had something in it is there anything i can do for you sir he inquired no thank you i answered endeavouring to throw an accent of careless condescension into my voice for somehow i felt this man must be kept strictly in his place you have been very i shall not forget it a slight smile over his features much obliged to you sir good night and he retired leaving me alone i paced the room up and down more than trying to think trying to set in order the amazing events of the day but my brain was still dazed and confused and the only image of actual in my mind was the striking and remarkable personality of my new friend his extraordinary good looks his attractive manner his curious which was so oddly mixed with some deeper sentiment to which i could not give a name all the trifling yet uncommon peculiarities of his bearing and humour haunted me and became mingled as it were with myself and all the circumstances concerning me i before the fire listening to the rain and the thunder which was now dying off into sullen echoes tempest the world is before you i said myself you are a young man you have health a good appearance and brains added to the sorrows of satan these you now have five millions of money and a wealthy prince for your friend what more do you want of fate or fortune nothing except fame and that you will get for now a days even fame is like love your star is in the no more literary for you my boy pleasure and profit and ease are yours to enjoy for the rest of your life you are a lucky dog at last you have your day i flung myself upon the soft bed and settled myself to sleep and as i off i still heard the of heavy thunder in the distance once i fancied i heard the prince s voice calling with a resembling the shriek of an angry wind and at another moment i started violently from a | 33 |
such a business of it five hundred pounds is really nothing you can spend it all on a dressing case for example better send back john s i don t think much of his generosity considering that he came into a mine worth a hundred thousand pounds sterling a few days before i left i heard this with great surprise and i must admit with a slight feeling of resentment too the frank and generous character of my old seemed to suddenly in my eyes why could he not have told me of his good fortune in his letter was he afraid i might trouble him for further i suppose my looks expressed my thoughts for who had observed me intently presently added did he not tell you of his luck that was not very friendly of him but as i remarked last night money often spoils a man oh i he meant no slight by the i said hurriedly forcing a smile no doubt he will make it the subject of his next letter now as to this five hundred keep it man keep it he interposed impatiently what do you talk about security for haven t i got you as security i laughed well i am fairly now i said and i m not going to run away from me he with a half cold half kind glance no i fancy not i he waved his hand lightly and left me and i putting the leather case of notes in my inner breast pocket hailed a the sorrows of satan and was driven off rapidly to street where my awaited me arrived at my destination i sent up my name and was received at once with the utmost respect by two small of men in rusty black who represented the firm at my request they sent down their clerk to pay and dismiss my cab while i opening s pocket book asked them to change me a ten pound note into gold and silver which they did with ready good will then we went into business together my deceased relative whom i had never seen as far as i myself remembered but who had seen me as a baby in my nurse s arms had left me everything he possessed including several rare of pictures jewels and his will was so and clearly that there were no possibilities of any legal hair over it and i was informed that in a week or ten days at the utmost everything would be in order and at my sole disposition you are a very fortunate man mr tempest said the partner mr as he folded up the last of the papers we had been looking through and put it by at your age this inheritance may be either a great boon to you or a great curse one never knows the possession of such enormous wealth great i was amused at what i considered the impertinence of this mere servant of the law in to on my luck many people would be glad to accept such and change places with me i said with a air you yourself for example i knew this remark was not in good taste but i made it feeling that he had no business to preach to me as it were on the of wealth he took no offence however he merely gave me an observant side glance like that of some meditative crow no mr tempest no he said i do not think i should all be disposed to change places with you i feel c d the sorrows of satan very well satisfied as i am my brain is my bank and brings me in quite sufficient interest to live upon which is all that i desire to be comfortable and pay one s way honestly is enough for me i have never envied the wealthy mr is a philosopher interposed his partner mr smiling in our profession mr tempest we see so many and downs of life that in watching the fortunes of our we ourselves learn the lesson of content ah it is a lesson that i have never mastered till now i responded merrily but at the present moment i confess myself satisfied they each gave me a formal little bow and mr shook hands business being concluded allow me to congratulate you he said politely of course if you should wish at any time to your legal affairs to other hands my partner and myself are perfectly willing to withdraw your deceased relative had the highest confidence in us as i have also i assure you i interrupted quickly pray do me the favour to continue managing things for me as you did for my relative and be assured of my gratitude in advance both little men bowed again and this time mr shook hands we shall do our best for you mr tempest shall we not nodded gravely and now what do you say shall we mention it or shall we not mention it perhaps responded it would be as well to mention it i glanced from one to the other not understanding what they meant mr rubbed his hands and smiled the fact is mr tempest your deceased relative had one yery curious idea he was a shrewd man and a clever one the sorrows of satan si but he certainly had one very curious idea and perhaps if he had followed it up to any extent it might yes it might have landed him in a lunatic asylum and prevented his of his extensive fortune in the er the very just and reasonable manner he has done happily for himself and er for you he did not follow it up and | 33 |
to the last he retained his admirable business qualities and high sense of but i do not think he ever quite himself ot the idea itself did he gazed at the round black mark of the gas where it darkened the ceiling i think not no i think not he answered i believe he was perfectly convinced of it and what was it i asked getting impatient did he want to bring out some patent a new notion for a and get rid of his money in that way no no no and mr laughed a soft pleasant little laugh over my suggestion no my dear sir nothing of a purely mechanical or commercial turn his imagination he was too er yes i think i may say too profoundly opposed to what is called progress in the world to aid it by any new invention or other means whatever you see it is a little awkward for me to explain to you what really seems to be the most absurd and fantastic notion to begin with we never really knew how he made his money did we shook his head and his lips closely together we had to take charge of large sums and advise as to and other matters but it was not our business to inquire where the cash came from in the first place was it again shook his head solemnly we were with it went on his partner pressing the tips of his fingers together as he spoke and we did our best to fulfil that with er with dis the sorrows of satan and fidelity and it was only after we had been for many years connected in business that our mentioned er his idea a most and extraordinary one which was briefly this that he had sold himself to the devil and that his large fortune was one result of the bargain i burst out laughing heartily what a ridiculous notion i exclaimed poor man a weak spot in his brain somewhere evidently or perhaps he used the expression as a mere figure of speech i think not responded mr half still caressing his fingers i think our did not use the phrase sold to the devil as a figure of speech merely mr i am positive he did not said seriously he spoke of the bargain as an actual and accomplished fact i laughed again with a trifle less well people have all sorts of fancies now a days i said what with and it is no wonder if some folks still have a faint in the silly old superstition of a existence but for a thoroughly sensible man yes er yes interrupted mr your relative mr tempest was a thoroughly sensible man and this er this idea was the only fancy that ever appeared to have taken root in his eminently practical mind being only an idea it seemed hardly worth mentioning but perhaps it is well mr agreeing with me that we mentioned it it is a satisfaction and relief to ourselves said mr to have had it mentioned i smiled and thanking them rose to go they bowed to me once more simultaneously looking almost like twin brothers so had their united practice of the law impressed itself upon their features good day mr tempest said mr i need scarcely say that we shall serve you as we served our late the sorrows of satan to the best of our ability and in matters where advice may be pleasant or profitable we may possibly be of use to you may we ask whether you require any cash advances immediately no thank you i answered feeling grateful to my friend for having placed me in a perfectly independent position to these i am amply provided they seemed i fancied a trifle surprised at this but were too discreet to offer any remark they wrote down my address at the grand hotel and sent their clerk to show me to the door i gave this man half a sovereign to drink my health which he very cheerfully promised to do then i walked round by the law courts trying to realize that i was not in a dizzy dream but that i was actually and five times a as luck would have it in turning a corner i up against a man coming the other way the very who had returned me my rejected manuscript the day before he exclaimed stopping short i rejoined where are you off to he went on going to try and place that unlucky novel my dear boy believe me it will never do as it is it will do it shall do i said calmly i am going to publish it myself publish it yourself good heavens it will cost you ah sixty or seventy perhaps a hundred pounds i don t care if it costs me a thousand a red flush came into his face and his eyes opened in astonishment i thought excuse me he stammered awkwardly i thought money was scarce with you it was i answered it isn t now then his utterly bewildered look together with the whole the sorrows of satan of things in my altered position struck me so forcibly that i burst out laughing wildly and with a prolonged noise and violence that apparently alarmed him for he began looking nervously about him in all directions as if meditating flight i caught him by the arm look here man i said trying to conquer my almost h mirth i m not mad don t you think it i m only a and i began laughing again the situation | 33 |
seemed to me so ridiculous but the worthy did not see it at all and his features expressed so much genuine alarm that i made a further effort to control myself and succeeded i assure you on my word of honour i m not joking it s a fact last night i wanted a dinner and you like a good fellow offered to give me one to day i possess five millions of money don t stare so don t have a fit of and as i have told you i shall publish my book myself at my own expense and it shall succeed oh i m in earnest grim earnest grim as death i ve more than enough in my pocket book to pay for its publication now t i my hold of him and he fell back and confused god bless my soul he muttered feebly it s like a dream i was never more astonished in my life nor i i said another temptation to laughter ing my composure but strange things happen in life as in fiction and that book which the i mean the readers rejected shall be the of the corner or the success of the season what will you take to bring it out take i i bring it out yes you why not if i offer you a chance to turn an honest penny shall your paid pack of readers prevent your accepting it you are not a slave this is a free country i know the kind of people who read for you the gaunt of fifty the who is a literary failure and can find nothing else to the sorrows of satan do but growling comments on the manuscript of promising work why in heaven s name should you rely on such opinion pay you for the publication of my book at as stiff a price as you choose and something over for good will and i you another thing it shall not only make my name as an author but yours as a i ll and work the press everything in this world can be done for money stop stop he interrupted this is so sudden you must let me think of it you must give me time to consider take a day for your meditations then i said but no longer f f if you don t say yes get another man and he have the big instead of you be wise in time my friend good day he ran after me stay look here you re so strange so wild so you know your head seems quite turned it is the right way round this time dear dear me and he smiled why you don t give me a chance to congratulate you i really do you know i congratulate you sincerely and he shook me by the hand quite fervently and as regards the book i believe there was really no fault found with it in the matter of literary style or quality it was simply too too and unlikely therefore to suit the public taste the domestic line is what we find pays best at present but i will think about it where will a letter find you grand hotel i responded inwardly amused at his puzzled and anxious expression i knew he was already mentally calculating how much he could make out of me in the pursuit of my literary whim come there and lunch or dine with me to morrow if you like only send me a word beforehand remember i give you just a day s grace to decide it must be yes or no in twenty four hours s the sorrows of satan and with this i left him staring vaguely after me like a man who has seen some nameless wonder drop out of the sky at his feet i went on laughing to myself till i saw one or by looking at me so that i came to the conclusion that i must put a disguise on my thoughts if i would not be taken for a madman i walked briskly and presently my excitement cooled down i resumed the normal condition of the englishman who considers it the height of bad form to display any personal emotion whatever and i occupied the rest of the morning in some ready made apparel which by unusual good luck happened to fit me and also in giving an extensive not to say extravagant order to a fashionable tailor in street who promised me everything with and despatch i next sent off the rent i owed to the landlady of my former lodgings adding five pounds extra by way of recognition of the poor woman s long patience in giving me credit and general kindness towards me during my stay in her dismal house and this done i returned to the grand in high spirits looking and feeling very much the better for my ready made a waiter met me in the corridor and with the most deference informed me that his the prince was waiting luncheon for me in his own apartments thither i repaired at once and found my new friend alone in his drawing room standing near the full light of the largest window and holding in his hand an crystal case through which he was looking with an almost affectionate solicitude ah here you are he exclaimed imagined you would get through your business by lunch time so i waited very good of you i said pleased at the friendly familiarity he displayed in thus calling me by my christian name what have you got there a pet of mine he answered smiling slightly did you ever see anything like | 33 |
it before the sorrows of satan vi i approached and examined the box he held it was with finely holes for the admission of air and within it lay a brilliant winged insect coloured with all the tints and half tints of the rainbow is it alive i asked it is alive and has a sufficient share of intelligence replied i feed it and it knows me that is the utmost you can say of the most civilized human beings they know what them it is quite tame and friendly as you perceive and opening the case he gently advanced his forefinger the glittering s body with the hues of an its radiant wings expanded and it rose at once to its protector s hand and clung there he lifted it out and held it aloft then shaking it to and fro lightly he exclaimed off fly and return to me the creature away through the room and round and round the ceiling looking like a beautiful jewel the of its wings making a faint sound as it flew i watched it fascinated till after a few graceful movements hither and thither it returned to its owner s still outstretched hand and again settled there making no further attempt to fly there is a well worn which declares that in the midst of life we are in death said the prince then softly bending his dark deep eyes on the insect s quivering wings but as a matter of fact that is wrong as so many human are it should be in the midst of death we are in life this creature is a rare and curious production of death but not i believe the only one of its kind others have been found under precisely similar circumstances i the sorrows of satan took possession of this one myself in rather a weird fashion will the story bore you on the contrary i rejoined eagerly my eyes fixed on the radiant bat shaped thing that glittered in the light as though its veins were he paused a moment watching me well it happened simply thus i was present at the of an egyptian female her described her as a princess of a famous royal house several curious jewels were tied round her neck and on her chest was a piece of beaten gold quarter of an inch thick underneath this gold plate her body was round and round in an unusual number of scented and when these were removed it was discovered that the flesh between her breasts had decayed away and in the hollow or nest thus formed by the process of this insect i hold was found alive as brilliant in colour as it is now i could not repress a slight nervous shudder horrible i said i confess if i were you i should not care to make a pet of such an object i should kill it i think he kept his bright intent gaze upon me why he asked i m afraid my dear you are not disposed to study science to kill the poor thing who managed to find life in the very bosom of death is a cruel suggestion is it not to me this insect is a valuable proof if i needed one of the of the of conscious existence it has eyes and the senses of taste smell touch and hearing and it gained these together with its intelligence out of the dead flesh of a woman who lived and no doubt loved and and suffered more than four thousand years ago he broke off then suddenly added all the same i frankly admit to you that i believe it to be an evil creature i do indeed but i like it none the less for that in fact i have rather a fantastic notion about it myself i am much inclined to accept the idea of the the sorrows of satan of souls and so i please my humour sometimes by thinking that perhaps the princess of that royal egyptian house had a wicked brilliant soul and that here it is a cold thrill ran through me from head to foot at these words and as i looked at the speaker standing opposite me in the wintry light dark and tall with the wicked brilliant clinging to his hand there seemed to me to be a sudden declared in his excessive personal beauty i was conscious of a vague terror but i attributed it to the nature of the story and to combat my sensations i examined the weird insect more closely as i did so its bright eyes sparkled i thought and i stepped back vexed with myself at the foolish fear of the thing which overpowered me it is certainly remarkable i murmured no wonder you value it as a curiosity its eyes are quite distinct almost intelligent in fact no doubt she had beautiful eyes said smiling she whom do you mean the princess of course he answered evidently amused the dear dead lady some of whose personality must be in this creature seeing that it had nothing but her body to itself upon and here he replaced the creature in its crystal habitation with the utmost care i suppose i said slowly you in your pursuit of science would infer from this that nothing actually completely exactly returned emphatically there my dear tempest is the mischief or the deity of things nothing can be entirely not even a thought i was silent watching him while he put the glass case with its away out of sight and now for luncheon he said gaily passing his arm through mine you look twenty per cent better than when o the sorrows of satan you went out this morning so i | 33 |
do i do it with my might i excuse me for quoting scripture he smiled a little i thought then resumed well in what at present does your idea of enjoying your consist the sorrows of satan in my book i answered that very book i could get no one to accept i tell you i will make it the talk of london v possibly you will he said looking at me through eyes and a cloud of smoke london easily talks particularly on and questionable subjects therefore as i have already hinted if your book were a judicious mixture of hu and or had for its heroine a modest maid who considered honourable marriage a degradation it would be quite sure of success in these days of new and here he suddenly sprang up and flinging away his cigar confronted me why do not the heavens rain fire on this accursed city it is ripe for punishment full of creatures not worth the in hell to which it is said and are condemned tempest if there is one human being more than another that i utterly it is the type of man so common to the present time the man who his own vices under a cloak of assumed broad and virtue such an one will even the loss of in woman by the name of purity because he knows that it is by her moral and physical ruin alone that he can gratify his brutal rather than be such a coward i would openly proclaim myself vile that is because yours is a noble nature i said you are an exception to the rule an exception i and he laughed bitterly yes you are right i am an exception among men perhaps but i am one with the beasts in honesty the lion does not assume the manners of the dove he loudly his own ferocity the very stealthy though its movements be its meaning by a warning hiss or rattle the hungry bay is heard far down the wind the hurrying traveller among the of snow but man gives no clue to his intent more malignant than the lion more treacherous than the snake more greedy than the sorrows of satan the wolf he takes his fellow man s hand in pretended friendship and an hour later his character behind his back with a smiling face he hides a false and selfish heart flinging his mockery at the riddle of the universe he stands at god feebly a on his own heavens here he stopped short with a passionate gesture what should the do with such a blind worm as he his voice rang out with singular emphasis his eyes glowed with a fiery startled by his impressive manner i let my cigar die out and stared at him in mute amazement what an inspired countenance what an imposing figure how supreme and almost god like in his looks he seemed at the moment and yet there was something in his attitude of protest and defiance he caught my wondering glance the glow of passion faded from his face he laughed and shrugged his shoulders i think i was born to be an actor he said carelessly now and then the love of masters me then i as prime ministers and men in parliament speak to suit the humour of the hour and without meaning a single word i say i cannot accept that statement i answered him smiling a little you do mean what you say though i fancy you are rather a creature of impulse really he exclaimed how wise of you good tempest ho very wise of you but you are wrong there never was a being created who was less impulsive or more charged with set purpose than i believe me or not as you like belief is a sentiment that cannot be forced if i told you that i am a dangerous companion that i like evil things better than good that i am not a safe guide for any man what would you think i should think you were fond of your own qualities i said re lighting my cigar and feeling somewhat amused by his earnestness and i should the sorrows of satan like you just as well as i do now perhaps better though that would be difficult at these words he seated himself bending his steadfast dark eyes full upon me tempest you follow the fashion of the prettiest women about town they always like the greatest i but you are not a scoundrel i rejoined smoking peacefully no i m not a scoundrel but there s a good deal of the devil in me all the better i said stretching myself out in my chair with lazy i hope there s something of him in me too do you believe in him asked smiling the devil of course not he is a very fascinating personage continued the prince lighting another cigar and beginning to puff at it slowly and he is the subject of many a fine story picture his fall from heaven son of the morning what a title and what a i to be bom of the morning to be a creature formed of light with all the warm rose of a million of day colouring his bright essence and all the lustre of fiery flaming in his eyes splendid and supreme at the right hand of deity itself he stood this majestic arch angel and before his vision rolled the of god s thoughts and dreams all at once he perceived in the vista of things a new small world and on it a being | 33 |
forming itself slowly as it were into the likeness a being weak yet strong sublime yet foolish a strange destined to work its way through all the phases of life till the very breath and soul of the creator it should touch conscious immortality eternal joy then full of wrath turned on the master of the and flung forth his reckless defiance crying aloud wilt thou make of this slight poor creature an angel even as i i do protest e the sorrows of satan against thee and condemn lo if thou man in our image i will destroy him utterly as unfit to share with me the of thy wisdom the glory of thy love and the voice supreme in accents terrible and beautiful replied son of the morning full well dost thou know that never can an idle or wasted word be spoken before me for free will is the gift of the therefore what thou thou must needs do fall proud spirit from thy high estate thou and thy companions with thee and return no more till man himself redeem thee each human soul that unto thy tempting shall be a new barrier set between thee and heaven each one that of its own choice doth and overcome thee shall lift thee nearer thy lost home i when the world thee i will pardon and again receive thee hut no ill then i never heard exactly that version of the legend before i said the idea that man should redeem the devil is quite new to me is it and he looked at me well it is one form of the story and by no means the most poor his punishment is of course eternal and the distance between himself and heaven must be rapidly increasing every day for man will never assist him to his error man will reject god fast enough and gladly enough but never the devil judge then how under the peculiar circumstances of his doom this son of the morning satan or whatever else he is called must hate humanity i smiled well he has one remedy left to him i observed he need not tempt anybody you forget he is bound to keep his word according to the legend said he swore before god that he would destroy man utterly he must therefore fulfil that oath if he can angels it would seem may not swear before the eternal without endeavouring at least to fulfil their vows men swear in the name of god every day without the slightest intention of carrying out their promises the sorrows of satan but it s all the nonsense i said somewhat impatiently all these old legends are rubbish you tell the story well and almost as if you believed in it that is because you have the gift of speaking with eloquence now a days no one believes in either devils or angels i for example do not even believe in the soul i know you do not he answered and your is very comfortable because it you of all personal responsibility i envy you for i regret to say i am compelled to believe in the soul compelled i echoed that is absurd no one can compel you to accept a mere theory he looked at me with a flitting smile that darkened rather than lightened his face true very true there is no compelling force in the whole universe man is the supreme and independent creature master of all he and no other dominion save his personal desire true i forgot let us avoid please and also let us talk about the only subject that has any sense or interest in it namely money i perceive your present plans are definite you wish to publish a book that shall create a stir and make you famous it seems a modest enough campaign have you no wider there are several ways you know of getting talked about shall i them for your consideration i laughed if you like well in the first place i should suggest your getting yourself properly it must be known to the press that you are an exceedingly rich man there is an agency for the circulation of i they do it sufficiently well for about ten or twenty guineas i opened my eyes a little at this oh is that the way these things are done my dear fellow how else should they be done he demanded somewhat impatiently do you think anything in s the sorrows of satan the world is done without money are the poor your brothers or your bosom friends that they should lift you into public notice without getting something for their trouble if you do not manage them properly in this way they ll abuse you quite heartily and free of cost that i can promise you i know a literary agent a very worthy man too who for a hundred guineas down will so the paragraph wheel that in a few weeks it shall seem to the outside public that tempest the is the only person worth talking about and the one desirable creature whom to shake hands with is next in honour to meeting itself secure him i said and pay him hundred guineas so shall all the world hear of me when you have been thoroughly went on the next move will be a dash into what is called society this must be done cautiously and by degrees you must be presented at the first e of the season and later on i will get you an invitation to some great lady s house where you will meet the prince of wales privately at dinner if you | 33 |
can oblige or please his royal in any way so much the better for you he is at least the most popular among royal personages so it should not be difficult to you to make yourself agreeable following upon this event you must purchase a fine country seat and have ma fact then you can rest and look round society will have taken you up and you will find yourself in the swim i laughed heartily well entertained by his discourse i should not he resumed propose your putting yourself to the trouble of getting into parliament that is no longer necessary to the career of a gentleman but i should strongly recommend your winning the i you would i answered it s an admirable suggestion but not very easy to follow if you wish to win the he rejoined quietly you win it i ll both horse and the sorrows of satan something in his decisive tone impressed me and i leaned forward to study his features more closely are you a of miracles i asked him do you mean it try me he responded shall i enter a horse for you if it is not too late and you like to do so i said i leave it in your hands but i must tell you frankly i don t take much interest in racing matters you will have to your taste then he replied that is if you want to make yourself agreeable to the english aristocracy for they are interested in little else no really great lady is without her book though she may be deficient in her knowledge of you may make the biggest of the season and that will count as nothing among people but if you win the you will be a really famous man personally speaking i have a great deal to do with racing in fact i am devoted to it i am always present at every great race i never miss one i always bet and i never lose and now let me proceed with your social plan of action after winning the you will enter for a race at and allow the prince of wales to beat you just narrowly then you will give a grand dinner arranged by a perfect and you will entertain his royal to the strains of rules the waves which will serve as a pretty compliment you will allude to the same well worn song in a graceful speech and the probable result of all this will be one or perhaps two royal invitations so far so good with the of summer you will go to to drink the waters there whether you require them or not and in the autumn you will a shooting party at the country seat which you will have purchased and invite to join you in killing the poor little then your name in society may be considered as made and you can whatever fair lady happens to be in the market thanks much obliged and i gave way to hearty the sorrows of satan laughter upon my word your programme is perfect it nothing it is the round of social success said with admirable gravity intellect and originality have nothing whatever to do with it only money is needed to perform it all you forget my book i interposed i know there is some intellect in that and some originality too surely that will give me an extra lift up the heights of fashionable light and leading i doubt it he answered i very much doubt it it will be received with a certain amount of favour of course as the production of a rich man amusing himself with literature by way of whim but as i told you before genius seldom itself under the influence of wealth then again folks can never get it out of their heads that literature belongs to street great poets great philosophers great are always vaguely alluded to by society as those sort of people those sort of people are so interesting say the themselves as it were for knowing any members of the class literary you can fancy a lady of elizabeth s time asking a friend o do you mind my dear if i bring one master william shakespeare to see you he writes plays and does something or other at the globe theatre in fact i m afraid he acts a little he s not very well off poor man but those sort of people are always so amusing now you my dear tempest are not a shakespeare but your millions will give you a better chance than he ever had in his lifetime as you will not have to sue for patronage or practise a reverence for my lord or my lady these exalted personages will be only too delighted to borrow money of you if you will lend it i shall not lend i said nor give the sorrows of satan nor give his keen eyes flashed approval i am very glad he observed that you are determined not to go about doing good as the say with your money you are wise spend on yourself because your very act of spending cannot but benefit others through various channels now i pursue a different course i always help and put my name on lists and i never fail to assist the clergy i rather wonder at that i remarked especially as you tell me you are not a christian yes it does seem strange doesn t it he said with an extraordinary accent of what might be termed derision but perhaps you don t look at it in the proper light the clergy are | 33 |
or stupid or what is it he exclaimed merrily it must be something yes it is this it is beyond me altogether and i spoke with some bitterness quite beyond me i could not write it now i wonder i could write it then i i am talking foolishly but it seems to me i must have been on some higher of thought when i wrote the book a height from which i have since fallen i m sorry to hear this he answered with twinkling eyes from what you say it appears to me you have been guilty of literary oh bad very bad nothing can be worse to write is a grievous sin and one which critics never forgive i m really grieved for you my friend i never thought your case was quite so desperate i laughed in spite of my depression you are i said but your cheerfulness is very all i wanted to explain to you is this that my book expresses a certain tone of thought which to be is not me in short i in my present self have no sympathy with it i must have changed very much since i wrote it changed why yes i should think so and laughed heartily the possession of five millions is bound to change a man considerably for the better or worse but you seem to be worrying yourself most about nothing not one author in many centuries writes from his own heart or as he truly feels when he does he becomes well nigh immortal this planet is too limited to hold more than one the sorrows of satan one one shakespeare don t distress yourself you are neither of these three you belong to the age tempest it is a age and most things connected with it are and any era that is by the love of money only has a rotten core within it and must perish all history tells us so but no one the lesson of history observe the signs of the lime art is made to the love of money literature politics and religion the same you cannot escape from the general disease the only thing to do is to make the best of it no one can reform it least of all you who have so much of the given to your share he paused i was silent watching the bright fire glow and the dropping red what i am going to say now he proceeded in soft almost melancholy accents will sound still it has the perverse of truth about it it is this in order to write with intense feelings you must first feel very likely when you wrote this book of yours you were almost a human hedge in the way of feeling every point of you was erect and to the touch of all influences pleasant or the reverse imaginative or this is a condition which some people envy and others would rather dispense with now that you as a hedge have no further need for either alarm indignation or self defence your are soothed into an agreeable and you partially cease to feel that is all the change you complain of is thus accounted for you have nothing to feel about hence you cannot comprehend how it was that you ever felt i was conscious of irritation at the calm conviction of his tone do you take me for such a creature as all that i exclaimed you are mistaken in me i feel most keenly what do you feel he inquired fixing his eyes steadily the sorrows of satan upon me there are hundreds of starving wretches in this metropolis men and women on the brink of suicide because they have no hope of anything in this world or the next and no sympathy from their kind do you feel for them do their affect you you know they do not you know you never think of them why should you one of the chief advantages of wealth is the ability it gives us to shut out other people s miseries from our personal consideration i said nothing for the first time my spirit at the truth of his words principally because they were true alas if i had only known then what i know now yesterday he went on in the same quiet voice a child was run over here just opposite this hotel it was only poor child mark that only its mother ran shrieking out of some back street hard by in time to see the little bleeding body up in a heap she struck wildly with both hands at the men who were trying to lead her away and with a cry like that of some hurt savage animal fell face forward in the mud dead she was only a poor woman another only there were three lines in the paper about it headed sad incident the hotel porter here witnessed the scene from the door with as composed a as that of a at the play never the serene majesty of his attitude but about ten minutes after the dead body of the woman had been carried out of sight he the imperial being became almost backed in his haste to run and open the door of your my dear as you drove up to the entrance this is a little of life as it is lived now a days and yet the swear we are all equal in the sight of heaven we may be though it does not look much like it and if we are it does not matter as we have ceased to care how heaven regards us i don | 33 |
t want to point a moral i simply tell you the sad incident as it occurred and i am sure you are not the least sorry for the fate of either the child who was run over or its mother who died in the sharp agony of a suddenly o the sorrows of satan broken heart now don t say you are because i know you re not how can one feel sorry for people one does not know or has never seen i began exactly how is it possible and there we have it how can one feel when one s self is so thoroughly comfortable as to be without any other feeling save that of material ease thus my dear you must be content to let your book appear as the and record of your past when you were in the or sensitive stage now you are in a covering of gold which you from such influences as might have made you start and perhaps even roar with indignation and in the access of fierce torture stretch out your hands and grasp quite unconsciously the winged thing called fame you should have been an orator i said rising and pacing the room to and fro in vexation but to me your words are not and i do not think they are true fame is easily enough secured pardon me if i am obstinate said with a gesture is easily secured very easily a few critics who have dined with you and had their fill of wine will give you but fame is the voice of the whole civilized public of the world the public i echoed contemptuously the public only care for it is a pity you should appeal to it then he responded with a smile if you think so little of the public why give it anything of your brain it is not worthy of so rare a boon come come tempest do not join in the of unsuccessful authors who take refuge when marked in pouring out abuse on the public the public is the author s best friend and truest critic but if you prefer to despise it in company with all the very little literature who form a mutual admiration society i tell you what to do print just twenty copies of your book and present these to the leading review the sorrows of satan i ers and when they have written you up as they will do ru take care of that let your to the effect that the first and second large of the new novel by tempest are exhausted one hundred thousand copies having been sold in a week if that does not up the world in general i shall be much surprised i laughed i was gradually getting into a better humour it would be quite as fair a plan of action as is adopted by many modern i said the loud of literary wares now a days reminds me of the rival shouting of in a low neighbourhood but i will not go quite so far i ll win my fame if i can you can t declared with a serene smile it s impossible you are too rich that of itself is not legitimate in literature which great art generally to wear poverty in its button hole as a flower of grace the fight cannot be equal in such circumstances the fact that you are a must weigh the balance apparently in your favour for a time the world cannot resist money if i for example became an author i should probably with my wealth and influence burn up every one else s suppose that a desperately poor man comes out with a book at the same time as you do he will have scarcely the ghost of a chance against you he will not be able to in your lavish style nor will he see his way to dine the critics as you can and if he should happen to have more genius than you and you succeed your success will not be legitimate but after all that does not matter much in art if in nothing else things always right themselves i made no immediate reply but went over to my table rolled up my corrected proofs and directed them to the then ringing the bell i gave the packet to my man bidding him post it at once this done i turned again towards and saw that he still sat by the fire but that his attitude was now one of brooding melancholy and that he had covered his eyes with one hand on which the glow from the the sorrows of satan flames shone red i regretted the momentary irritation i had felt against him for telling me unwelcome truths and i touched him lightly on the shoulder in the now i said i m afraid my depression has proved he moved his hand and looked up his eyes were large and as the eyes of a beautiful woman i was thinking he said with a slight sigh of the last words i uttered just now things always right themselves curiously enough in art they always do no or sham lasts with the gods of but in other matters it is different for instance shall never right myself life is hateful to me at times as it is to everybody perhaps you are in love i said with a smile he started up in love by all the heavens and all the too that suggestion wakes me with a vengeance in love what woman alive do you think could impress me with the notion that she was anything more than a frivolous doll of pink and white with long hair | 33 |
frequently not her own and as for the tom boy players and of the era i do not consider them women at all they are merely the unnatural of a new sex which will be neither male nor female my dear tempest i hate women so would you if you knew as much about them as i do they have made me what i am and they keep me so they are to be much then i observed you do them credit i do he answered slowly in more wa rs than one a faint smile was on his face and his eyes brightened with that curious jewel like gleam i had noticed several times before believe me i shall never contest with you such a slight gift as woman s love it is not worth fighting for and of women that reminds me i have promised to take you to the earl of s box at the to night he is a poor peer very and somewhat the sorrows of satan heavily with port wine but his daughter lady is one of the of england she was presented last season and created quite d will you come i am quite at your disposition i said glad of any excuse to escape the of my own company and to be in that of whose talk even if its satire me occasionally always fascinated my mind and remained in my memory what time shall we meet go and dress now and join me at dinner he answered and we ll drive together to the theatre afterwards the play is on the usual theme which has lately become popular with stage the of a fallen lady and the exhibition of her as an example of something pure and good to the astonished eyes of the innocent as a play it is not worth seeing but perhaps lady is he smiled again as he stood facing me the light flames of the fire had died down to a dull uniform red we were almost in darkness and i pressed the small button near the that the room with electric light his extraordinary beauty then struck me afresh as something altogether singular and half don t you find that people look at you very often as you pass i asked him suddenly and he laughed not at all why should they every man is so intent on his own aims and thinks so much of his own personality that he would scarcely forget his if the very devil himself were behind him women look at me sometimes with the affected and like interest usually exhibited by the frail sex for a man i cannot blame them i answered my gaze still resting on his stately figure and fine head with as much admiration as i might have felt for a noble picture or statue what of this lady we are to meet to night how does she regard you lady has never seen me he replied and i the sorrows of satan have only seen her at a distance it is chiefly for the purpose of an introduction to her that the earl has asked us to his box this evening ha ha matrimony in view i exclaimed yes i believe lady is for sale he answered with the coldness that occasionally distinguished him and made his handsome features look like an impenetrable mask of but up to the present the bids have not been sufficiently high and i shall not purchase i have told you already tempest i hate women seriously most seriously women have always done me harm they have me in my progress and why i specially them is that they have been gifted with an enormous power for doing good and that they let this power run to waste and will not use it their deliberate enjoyment and choice of the repulsive vulgar and commonplace side of life me they are much less sensitive than men and infinitely more heartless they are the mothers of the human race and the faults of the race are chiefly due to them that is another reason for my hatred do you want the human race to be perfect i asked astonished because if you do you will find that impossible he stood for a moment apparently lost in thought everything in the universe is perfect he said except that curious piece of work man have you never thought out any reasons why he should be the one flaw the one creature in a creation no i have not i replied i take things as i find them so do i and he turned away and as i find them so they find me au dinner in an hour s time remember the door opened and closed he was gone i remained alone for a little thinking what a strange disposition was his the sorrows of satan what a curious mixture of philosophy sentiment and satire seemed to run like the veins of a leaf through the temperament of this brilliant semi mysterious personage who had by mere chance become my greatest friend we had now been more or less together for nearly a month and i was no closer to the secret of his actual nature than i had been at first yet i admired him more than ever without his society i felt life would be deprived of half its charm for though attracted as human will be by the glare of my glittering millions numbers of so called friends now surrounded me there was not one among them who so my every mood and with whom i had so much close sympathy as this man this half cruel half kind companion of my days who at times seemed to | 33 |
accept all life as the and as a part of the trivial game viii no man i think ever forgets the first time he is brought face to face with perfect beauty in woman he may have caught fleeting glimpses of loveliness on many fair faces often bright eyes may have flashed on him like star beams the hues of a dazzling complexion may now and then have charmed him or the outlines of a graceful figure all these are as mere into the infinite but when such vague and passing impressions are suddenly drawn together in one when all his dreamy fancies of form and colour take visible and complete in one living creature who looks down upon him as it were from an of untouched maiden pride and purity it is more to his honour than his shame if his at the vision and he despite his rough and brute strength becomes nothing but the merest slave to passion in this way was i overwhelmed and conquered without any chance of when s violet eyes lifted slowly from the shadow of their the sorrows of satan dark lashes rested upon me with that expression of mingled interest and indifference which is supposed to indicate high breeding but which more frequently and the frank and sensitive soul the lady glance but i was none the less attracted and i had entered the earl of s box at the ha between the first and second acts of the play and the earl himself an bald headed old gentleman with white whiskers had risen to welcome us seizing s hand and shaking it with particular i learned afterwards that had lent him a thousand pounds on easy terms a fact which partly accounted for the friendly of his greeting his daughter had not moved but a minute or two later when he addressed her somewhat sharply saying prince and his friend mr tempest she turned her head and honoured us both with the chill glance i have endeavoured to describe and the very faintest possible bow as an acknowledgment of our presence her exquisite beauty smote me dumb and foolish i could find nothing to say and stood silent and confused with a strange sensation of bewilderment upon me the old earl made some remark about the play which i scarcely heard though i answered vaguely and at hap hazard the was playing as is usual in theatres and its brazen din sounded like the noise of the sea in my ears i had not much real consciousness of anything save the wondrous loveliness of the girl who faced me clad in pure white with a few diamonds shining about her like stray on a rose spoke to her and i listened at last lady he said bending towards her at last i have the honour of meeting you i have seen you often as one sees a star at a distance she smiled a smile so slight and cold that it scarcely lifted the corners of her lovely lips i do not think i have ever seen you she replied and the sorrows of satan yet there is something oddly familiar in your face i have heard my father speak of you constantly i need scarcely say his friends are always mine he bowed to merely speak to lady is counted sufficient to make the man so privileged happy he said to be her friend is to discover the lost paradise she flushed then grew suddenly very pale and shivering she drew her cloak towards her wrapped its silken folds carefully round her beautiful shoulders how i him the dainty task he then turned to me and placed a chair just behind hers will you sit here he suggested i want to have a moment s business chat with lord recovering my self possession a little i hastened to take the chance he thus generously gave me to m in the young lady s favour and my heart gave a foolish bound of joy because she smiled as i approached her you are a great friend of prince she asked softly as i sat down yes we are very intimate i replied he is a delightful companion so i should imagine and she looked over at him where he sat next to her father talking earnestly in low tones he is singularly handsome i made no reply of course s extraordinary personal was but i rather her praise bestowed on him just then her remarks seemed to me as as when a man with one pretty woman beside him loudly another in her hearing i did not myself assume to be actually handsome but i knew i was better looking than the ordinary run of men so out of sudden i remained silent and presently the curtain rose and the play was resumed a very questionable scene was the woman with the past being well to the front of it i felt the sorrows of satan disgusted at the performance and looked at my companions to see if they too were moved there was no sign of on lady s fair countenance her father was bending forward eagerly apparently over every detail wore that inscrutable expression of his in which no feeling whatever could be discerned the woman with the past went on with her hysterical sham and the fool of a hero declared her to be a pure angel wronged and the curtain fell amid loud applause one energetic hiss came from the gallery affecting the occupants of the to amazement england has said in soft tones once upon a time this play would have been off the stage as likely to corrupt the social community but now the only voice of protest comes from the classes are you a prince inquired lady waving her fan to and fro not | 33 |
i i always insist on the pride and of worth i do not mean money value but intellect and in this way i foresee a new aristocracy when the high grows corrupt it falls and becomes the low when the low itself and it becomes the high this is simply the course of nature but god bless my soul exclaimed lord you don t call this play low or do you it s a study of modern social life that s what it is these women you know these poor souls with a past are very interesting very i murmured his daughter in fact it would seem that for women with no such past there can be no future virtue and modesty are quite out of date and have no chance whatever i leaned towards her half whispering lady i am glad to see this wretched play you the sorrows of satan she turned her deep eyes on me in mingled surprise and amusement oh no it doesn t she declared i have seen so many like it and i have read so many novels on just the same theme i assure you i am quite convinced that the so called bad woman is the only popular type of our sex with men she gets all the possible out of life she frequently makes an excellent marriage and has as the americans say a good time all round it s the same thing with our convicted in prison they are much better fed than the honest working man i believe it is quite a mistake for a woman to be respectable they are only considered dull ah now you are only joking i said with an indulgent smile you know that in your heart you think very differently she made no answer as t hen the curtain went up again the lady of the piece having a good time all round on board a luxurious during the unnatural and dialogue which followed i withdrew a little back into the shadow of the box and all that self esteem and assurance of which i had been suddenly deprived by a glance at lady s beauty came back to me and a perfectly stolid coolness and composure succeeded to the first feverish excitement of my mind i recalled s words i believe lady is for sale and i thought triumphantly of my millions i glanced at the old earl pulling at his white whiskers while he listened anxiously to what were evidently money schemes by then my gaze came back to the lovely curves of lady s milk white throat her beautiful arms and bosom her rich brown hair of the shade of a ripe chestnut her delicate haughty face languid eyes and brilliant complexion and i murmured inwardly all this loveliness is and i will purchase it at that very instant she turned to me and said the sorrows of satan you are the famous mr tempest are you not famous i echoed with a deep sense of gratification well i am scarcely that yet my book is not published her eyebrows arched themselves your book i did not know you had written one my flattered vanity sank to it has been advertised i began but she interrupted me with a laugh oh i never read it s too much trouble when i asked if you were the famous mr tempest i meant to say were you the great who has been so much talked of lately i bowed a somewhat chill assent she looked at me over the lace edge of her fan how delightful it must be for you to have so much money she said and you are young too and pleasure took the place of vexed and i smiled you are very kind lady why she asked laughing such a delicious little low laugh because i tell you the truth you are young and you are good looking are generally such appalling creatures fortune while giving them money frequently them of both brains and personal and now do tell me about your book she seemed to have suddenly with her former reserve and during the last act of the play we conversed freely in whispers which assisted us to become almost confidential her manner to me now was full of grace and charm and the fascination she exerted over my senses became complete the performance over we all left the box together and as was still apparently engrossed with lord i had the satisfaction of lady to her carriage when her father joined her and i both stood together the sorrows of satan looking in at the window of the and the earl getting hold of my hand shook it up and down with boisterous come and dine come and dine he excitedly come let me see this is tuesday come on thursday short notice and no ceremony my wife is tm sorry to say she can t receive she can only see a few people now and then when she is in the humour her sister keeps house and does the honours aunt eh ha ha ha the deceased wife s sister s bill would never be any use to me for if my wife were to die i shouldn t be anxious to marry miss ha ha ha a perfectly woman sir a model ha ha come and dine with us mr tempest you bring him along with you eh we ve got a young lady staying with us an american dollars accent and all and by jove i believe she wants to marry me ha ha ha and is waiting for lady to go to a better world first ha ha come along | 33 |
come and see the little american eh thursday shall it be over the fair features of lady there passed a faint shadow of annoyance at her father s allusion to the little american but she said nothing only her looks appeared to question our intentions as well as to persuade our wills and she seemed satisfied when we both accepted the invitation given another chuckle from the earl and a couple of a slight graceful bow from her lovely as we raised our hats in farewell and the rolled away leaving us to enter our own vehicle which amid the of street boys and had just managed to draw up in front of the theatre as we drove off peered at me i could see the glitter of his fine eyes in the semi darkness of the and said well i was silent don t you admire her he went on i must confess the sorrows of satan she is cold a very chilly indeed but snow often covers she has good features and a naturally clear complexion despite my intention to be i could not endure this tame description she is perfectly beautiful i said emphatically the eyes must see that there is not a fault to be found with her and she is wise to be reserved and cold were she too lavish of her smiles and too in manner she might drive many men not only into folly but madness i felt rather than saw the cat like jewel glance he flashed upon me positively i believe that notwithstanding the fact that we are only in february the wind blows upon you due south bringing with it of rose and orange blossom i fancy lady has powerfully impressed you did you wish me to be impressed i asked i my dear fellow i wish nothing that you yourself do not wish i accommodate my ways to my friends if asked for my opinion i should ay it is rather a pity if you are really smitten with the young lady as there are no obstacles to be encountered a love air to be conducted with spirit and enterprise should always with opposition and difficulty real or a little secrecy and a good deal of wrong doing such as sly and the telling of any amount of lies such things add to the of love making on this planet i interrupted him see here you are very fond of alluding to this planet as if you knew anything about other i said impatiently this planet as you somewhat contemptuously call it is the only one we have any business with he bent his piercing looks so upon me that for the moment i was startled if that is so he answered why in heaven s name do you not let the other planet s alone why do you strive to the sorrows of satan their mysteries and movements if men as you say have no business with any planet save this one why are they ever on the alert to discover the secret of worlds a secret which it may some day them to know the solemnity of his voice and the inspired expression of his face awed me i had no reply ready and he went on do not let us talk my friend of not even of this particular pin s point among them known as earth let us return to a better subject the lady as i have already said there are no obstacles in the way of your and winning her if such is your desire tempest as mere author of books would indeed be insolent to to the hand of an daughter but tempest will be a welcome poor lord s affairs are in a bad way he is almost out at elbows the american woman who is boarding with him boarding with him i exclaimed surely he does not keep a boarding house laughed heartily no no you must not put it so it is simply this that the earl and of give the of their home and protection to miss the american for the trifling sum of two thousand guineas per the being is obliged to hand over her duties of to her sister miss but the of the still over miss s brow she has her own of rooms in the house and goes wherever it is proper for her to go under miss s care lady does not like the arrangement and is therefore never seen anywhere except with her father she will not join in companionship with miss and has said so pretty plainly i admire her for it i said warmly i really am surprised that lord should condescend condescend to what inquired condescend to take two thousand guineas a year good heavens man the sorrows of satan there are no end of lords and ladies who will readily agree to perform such an act of condescension blue blood is getting thin and poor and only money can it is worth over a million dollars and if lady were to die conveniently soon i should not be surprised to see that little american step triumphantly into her vacant place what a state of i said half angrily my friend you are really inconsistent is there a more example of than yourself for instance six weeks ago what were you a mere with of the wings of genius in your soul but many as to whether those wings would ever be strong enough to lift you out of the of obscurity in which you struggling and grumbling at adverse fate now as you think contemptuously of an earl because he quite to add a little to his income by boarding an american and her into society where she would never get without him and you or probably | 33 |
with much inward amusement this man on whose decision i had humbly and anxiously waited not so many weeks ago was now my paid tool ready to obey me to any possible extent for so much cash and i listened to him while he went on his schemes for the gratification of my vanity and the of his the book has been splendidly advertised he went on it could not have been more done orders do not come in very fast but they will they will this paragraph of mine which will take the shape of a i can get inserted in about eight hundred to a thousand newspapers here and in america it will cost you say a hundred guineas perhaps a trifle more do you mind that not in the least i replied still vastly amused he meditated a moment then drew his chair closer to mine and lowered his voice a little you understand i suppose that i shall only issue two hundred and fifty copies at first g the sorrows of satan this limited number seemed to me absurd and i protested vehemently such an idea is ridiculous i said you cannot supply the trade with such a scanty edition wait my dear sir wait you are too impatient you do not give me time to explain all these two hundred and fifty will be given away by me in the proper quarters on the day of publication never mind how they must be given away why why and the worthy laughed sweetly i see my dear mr tempest you are like most men of genius you do not understand business the reason why we give the first two hundred and fifty copies away is in order to be able to announce at once in all the papers that the first large edition of the new novel by tempest being exhausted on the day of publication a second is in rapid preparation you see we thus the public who of course are not in our secrets and are not to know whether an edition is two hundred or two thousand the second edition will of course be ready behind the scenes and will consist of another two hundred and fifty do you call that course of honest i asked quietly honest my dear sir honest and his countenance wore a injured expression of course it is honest look at the daily papers such appear every day in fact they are getting rather too common i freely admit that there are a few here and there who stick up for and go to the trouble of not only giving the number of copies in an edition but also the date of each one as it was issued this may be principle if they like to call it so but it a great deal of precise calculation and worry if the public like to be deceived what is the use of being exact now to resume your second edition will be sent off on sale or return to provincial and then we shall announce in consequence of the the sorrows of satan enormous demand for the new novel by tempest the large second edition is out of print a third will be issued in the course of next week and so on and so on till we get to the sixth or seventh edition always two hundred and fifty each in three volumes perhaps we can by skilful management work it up to a tenth it is only a question of and a little of the trade then we arrive at the one volume issue which will require different handling but there s time enough for that the frequent will add to the expense a bit but if you don t mind i don t mind anything i said so long as i have my fun your fun he i thought it was fame you wanted more than fun i laughed aloud i m not such a fool as to suppose that fame is secured by advertisement i said for instance i am one of those who think the fame of as an artist was when he degraded himself to the level of painting the little green boy blowing of s soap that was an advertisement and that very incident in his career trifling though it seem will prevent his ever standing on the same dignified height of distinction with such masters in art as sir peter or i believe there is a great deal of justice in what you say and shook his head wisely viewed from a purely artistic and sentimental you are right and he became suddenly downcast and yes it is a most extraordinary thing how fame does escape people sometimes just when they seem on the point of grasping it they are in every imaginable way and yet after a time nothing will keep them up and there are others again who get kicked and and and like christ i interposed with a half smile he looked loo the sorrows of satan shocked he was a non but remembering in time how rich i was he bowed with a meek patience yes and he sighed as you suggest mr tempest like christ and and opposed at every turn and yet by the caprice of destiny succeed in winning a world wide fame and power like christ again i said for i loved to jar his non conscience exactly he paused looking down then with a return of animation he added but i was not thinking of the great example just then mr tempest i was thinking of a woman indeed i said indifferently yes a woman who despite continued abuse and opposition is rapidly becoming celebrated you are sure to | 33 |
hear of her in literary and social circles and he gave me a glance of doubtful inquiry but she is not rich you know only famous however we have nothing to do with her just now so let us return to business the one uncertain point in the matter of your book s success is the attitude of the critics there are only six leading men who do the and between them they cover all the english magazines and some of the american too as well as the london papers here are their names and he handed me a and their addresses as far as i can ascertain them or the addresses of the papers for which they most frequently write the man at the head of the list david is the most formidable of the lot he writes everywhere about everything being a he s bound to have his finger in every pie if you can secure you need not trouble so much about the others as he generally gives the lead and has his own way with the he is one of the personal friends of the editor of the nineteenth century for example and you would be sure to get a notice there which would otherwise be impossible no can review anything for that magazine unless he the sorrows of satan loi is one of the editor s friends you must manage or he might just for the sake of showing off cut you up rather roughly that would not matter i said diverted at the idea of managing a little always helps a book to sell in some cases it does and his thin beard but in others it most emphatically does not where there is any very decided or daring originality adverse criticism is always the most effective but a work like yours requires with favour wants in short i see and i felt distinctly annoyed you don t think my book original enough to stand alone my dear sir you are really really what shall i say and he smiled a little i think your book shows admirable and delicacy of thought if i find fault with it at all it is perhaps because i am dense the only thing it in my opinion is what i should call for want of a better expression the quality of holding the reader s fancy fixed like a nail but after all this is a common failing of modern literature few authors feel sufficiently themselves to make others feel i made no reply for a moment i was thinking of s remarks on this very same subject well i said at if i had no feeling when i wrote the book i certainly have none now why man i felt every line of it painfully and intensely ay ay indeed said soothingly or perhaps you thought you felt which is another very curious phase of the literary temperament you see to convince people at all you must first yourself be convinced the result of this is generally a singular attraction between author the author has mr s own written authority for this log rolling ct x the sorrows of satan and public however i am a bad hand at argument and it is possible that in hasty reading i may have gathered a wrong impression of your intentions anyhow the book shall be a success if we can make it so all i venture to ask of you is that you should personally endeavour to manage i promised to do my best and on this understanding we parted i realized that was capable of greater than i had imagined and his observations had given me material for thought which was not altogether agreeable for if my book as he said lacked why then it would not take root in the public mind it would be merely the success of a season one of those brief in literary wares for which i had such contempt and fame would be as far off as ever except that imitation of it which the fact of my millions had secured i was in no good humour that afternoon and saw it he soon the sum and substance of my interview with and laughed long and somewhat over the proposed managing of the he glanced at the five names of the other leading critics and shrugged his shoulders is quite right he said is intimate with the rest of these fellows they meet at the same clubs dine at the same cheap and make love to the same painted girls all in a comfortable little union together and one the other on their several journals when occasion offers oh yes i should make up to if i were you but how i demanded for though i knew s name well enough having seen it signed ad to literary articles in almost every paper i had never met the man i cannot ask any favour of a press critic of course not and laughed heartily again if you were to do such an thing what a you d get for your pains there s no sport a critic loves so much as the sorrows of satan the of an author who has made the mistake of lowering himself to the level of asking of his intellectual no no my dear fellow we shall manage quite differently know him though you do not come that s good news i exclaimed upon my word you seem to know everybody i think i know most people worth knowing responded quietly though i by no means include mr in the of i happened to make his personal acquaintance in a somewhat singular and exciting manner it was in on that awkward ledge | 33 |
of rock known as the pas i had been some weeks in the neighbourhood on business of my own and being and fearless was frequently allowed by the guides to my services with theirs in this capacity of amateur guide capricious destiny gave me the pleasure of the timid and across the of the de and i conversed with him in the french all the while a language of which despite his boasted he was ignorant i knew who he was i must tell you as i know most of his craft and had long been aware of him as one of the of genius when i got him on the pas i saw that he was seized with i held him firmly by the arm and addressed him in sound strong english thus mr you wrote a and article against the work of a certain poet and i named the an article that was a of lies from beginning to end and which by its cruelty and a life of brilliant promise and crushed a noble spirit now unless you promise to write and publish in a leading magazine a total of this your crime when you get back to england if you get back giving that wronged man the honourable mention he rightly deserves down you go i have but to my hold i you should have seen then he he the sorrows of satan he clung i never was an of the press in such an condition murder murder he gasped but his voice failed him above him the snow peaks like the of that fame he could not reach and therefore to others below him the glittering ice waves yawned in deep transparent hollows of blue and green and afar off the echoed through the still air suggestive of safe green pastures and murder he whispered nay said i tis i should cry murder for if ever an hand held a murderer mine holds one now your system of is worse than that of the midnight for the can but kill the body you strive to kill the soul you cannot succeed tis true but the mere attempt is devilish no shouts no struggles will serve you here we are alone with eternal nature give the man you have his recognition or else as i said before down you go well to make my story short he yielded and swore to do as i bade him whereupon placing my arm round him as though he were my tender twin brother i led him safely off the pas and down the hill where what with the fright and the remains of he fell a weeping would you believe it that before we reached we had become the best friends in the world he explained himself and his modes of action and i nobly him we exchanged cards and when we parted this same author s overcome with sentiment and he is a you know swore that i was the fellow in the world and that if ever he could serve me he would he knew my title by this time but he would have given me a still higher name you are not h c a poet yourself he murmured leaning on me fondly as he rolled to bed i told him no i am sorry very he declared the tears of rising to his eyes if you had been i would have done a great thing for you i would have you for nothing p i left him nobly and the sorrows of satan saw him no more but i think he recognise me i ll go and look him up personally by all the gods if he had only known who held him between life and death upon the pas i stared puzzled but he did know i said did you not say you exchanged cards true but that was afterwards and laughed i assure you my dear fellow we can manage i was intensely interested in the story as he told it he had such a dramatic way of speaking and looking while his very gestures brought the whole scene vividly before me like a picture i spoke out my thought you would certainly have made a superb actor how do you know i am not one he asked with a flashing glance then he added quickly no there is no occasion to paint the face and over the boards before a row of like the paid in order to be great the finest actor is he who can play the comedy of life perfectly as i to do to walk well talk well smile well weep well groan well laugh well and die well it is all pure acting because in every man there is the dumb dreadful immortal spirit who is real who cannot act who is and who steadily an infinite though speechless protest against the body s lie i said nothing in answer to this outburst i was beginning to be used to his shifting and strange they increased the mysterious attraction i had for him and made his character a perpetual riddle to me which was not without its subtle charm every now and then i realized with a faintly startled sense of self that i was completely under his that my life was being entirely guided by his control and suggestion but i argued with myself that surely it was well it should be so seeing he had so much more experience and influence than i we dined together that night as we often did and our conversation was io the sorrows of satan entirely taken up with and business concerns under s advice i was making several important and | 33 |
these matters gave us ample subject for discussion at about eleven o clock it being a fine frosty evening and fit for brisk walking we went out our destination being the private gambling club to which my companion had volunteered to introduce me as a guest it was situated at the end of a mysterious little back street not far from the respectable of pall and was an looking house enough outside but within it was though furnished apparently the premises were presided over by a woman a woman with painted eyes and hair who received us first of all within the lamp lighted of an drawing room her looks and manner proclaimed her as a of the most pronounced type one of those pure ladies with a past who are represented as such to the vices of men said something to her apart whereupon she glanced at me and smiled then rang the bell a discreet looking man servant in sober black made his appearance and at a slight sign from his mistress who bowed to me as i passed her proceeded to show us upstairs we trod on a carpet of the felt in fact i noticed that everything was rendered as noiseless as possible in this establishment the very doors being covered with thick and swinging on silent hinges on the upper landing the servant knocked very cautiously at a side door a key turned in the lock and we were admitted into a long double room very brilliantly lit with electric lamps which at a first glance seemed crowded with men playing at et and some looked up as entered and nodded others glanced at me but our entrance was otherwise scarcely noticed drawing me along by the arm sat down to watch the play i followed his example and presently found myself by the intense excitement which the room like the silent of the air before a thunder the sorrows of satan storm i recognised the faces of many well known public men men eminent in politics and society whom one would never have imagined capable of supporting a gambling club by their presence and authority but i took care to betray no sign of surprise and quietly observed the games and the with almost as a as that of my companion i was prepared to play and to lose i was not prepared however for the strange scene which was soon to occur and in which i by force of circumstances was compelled to take a leading part x as soon as the immediate game we were watching was finished the players rose and greeted with a good deal of eagerness and i instinctively guessed from their manner that they looked upon him as an influential member of the club a person likely to lend them money to with and otherwise to oblige them in various ways speaking he introduced me to them all and i was not slow to perceive the effect my name had upon most of them i was asked if i would join in a game of and i readily consented the were high but i had no need to for that one of the players near me was a fair haired young man handsome in face and of aristocratic bearing he had been introduced to me as i noticed him particularly on account of the reckless way he had of his suddenly and apparently out of mere and when he lost as he mostly did he laughed as though he were drunk or on first beginning to play i was entirely indifferent as to the results of the game caring nothing at all as to whether i had losses or gains did not join us but sat apart quietly observant and watching me so i fancied more than anyone and as io the sorrows of satan chance would have it all the luck came my way and i won steadily the more i won the more excited i became till presently my humour changed and i was seized by a desire to lose i suppose it was the touch of some better impulse in my nature that made me wish this for young s sake for he seemed literally by my constant and continued his and desperate play his young face grew drawn and sharply thin and his eyes glittered with a hungry the other though sharing in his run of ill luck seemed better able to stand it or perhaps they concealed their feelings more cleverly anyhow i know i caught myself very earnestly wishing that this luck of mine would desert me and set in the young s direction but my wishes were no use again and again i gathered up the till at last the players rose among them well fm cleaned out he said with a loud forced laugh you must give me my chance of a to morrow mr tempest i bowed with pleasure he called a waiter at the end of the room to bring him a brandy and and meanwhile i was surrounded by the rest of the men all of them repeating the s suggestion of a and urging upon me the necessity of returning to the club the next night in order to give them an opportunity of winning back what they had lost i readily agreed and while we were in the midst of talk suddenly addressed young will you make up another game with me he inquired i ll start the bank with this and he placed two crisp notes of five hundred pounds each on the table there was a moment s silence the was drinking his brandy and and glanced over the rim of his tall at the notes with eyes then he shrugged his shoulders indifferently i can t stake any the sorrows of satan thing he said i | 33 |
into any more such as the one to night i said passionately if it does it will be entirely against my will looked at me curiously nothing can happen to you against your will he replied i suppose you wish to imply that i am to blame for introducing you to the club my good fellow you need not have gone there unless you had chosen to do so i did not bind and drag you there you are upset and come into my room and take a glass of wine you will feel more of a man afterwards we had by this time reached the hotels and i went with the sorrows of satan him with equal i drank what he gave me and stood glass in hand watching him with a kind of morbid fascination as he threw off his fur lined overcoat and confronted me his pale handsome face strangely set and stem and his dark eyes glittering like cold steel that last stake of s to you i said his soul which he did not believe in and which you do not believe in returned regarding me why do you now seem to tremble at a mere sentimental idea if fantastic such as god the soul and the devil were real facts there would perhaps be cause for trembling but being only the of superstitious mankind there is nothing in them to awaken the slightest anxiety or fear but you i began you say you believe in the soul i i am and he laughed bitterly have you not found that out yet much learning hath driven me mad my friend science hai led me into such deep wells of dark discovery that it is no wonder if my senses sometimes and i at such insane moments in the soul i sighed heavily i think i will go to bed i answered i am tired out and absolutely miserable v alas poor said gently i am sorry i assure you that the evening has ended so so am i i returned imagine it he went on regarding if my my crack theories were worth anything which they are i could claim the only positive existing part of our late acquaintance but where and how to send in my account with him if i were satan now i forced a faint smile you would have cause to rejoice i i said ft ii the sorrows of satan he moved two paces towards me and laid his hands gently on my shoulders no and his rich voice had a strange soft music in it no my friend if i were satan i should probably lament for every lost soul would of necessity remind me of my own fall my own despair and set another bar between myself and heaven remember the very devil was an angel once his eyes smiled and yet i could have sworn there were tears in them i wrung his hand hard i felt that his assumed coldness and the fate of young had affected him profoundly my liking for him gained new from this impression and i went to bed more at ease with myself and things in general during the few minutes i spent in i became even able to contemplate the tragedy of the evening with less regret and greater calmness for it was certainly no use worrying over the and after all what interest had the s life for me none i began to ridicule myself for my own weakness and disinterested emotion and presently being thoroughly fatigued fell sound asleep towards morning however perhaps about four or five o clock i woke suddenly as though touched by an invisible hand i was shivering violently and my body was bathed in a cold perspiration in the otherwise dark room there was something strangely luminous like a cloud of white smoke or fire i started up rubbing my eyes and stared before me for a moment doubting the evidence of my own senses for plainly visible and distinct at a distance of perhaps five paces from my bed stood three figures muffled in dark garments and closely so solemnly they were so heavily did their fall about them that it was impossible to tell whether they were men or women but what me with amazement and terror was the strange light that played around and above them the wandering chill radiance that them like the rays of a faint wintry moon i strove to cry out the sorrows of satan but my tongue refused to obey me and my voice was in my throat the three remained absolutely motionless and again i rubbed my eyes wondering if this were a dream or some hideous delusion trembling in every limb i stretched my hand towards the bell intending to ring violently for assistance when a voice low and thrilling with intense anguish caused me to shrink back appalled and my arm fell at my side misery r the word struck the air with a harsh and i nearly with the horror of it for now one of the figures moved and a face gleamed out from beneath its a face white as marble and fixed into such an expression of dreadful despair as my blood then came a deep sigh that was more like a death groan and again the word misery r shuddered upon the silence mad with fear and scarcely knowing what i did i sprang from the bed and began desperately to advance upon these fantastic determined to seize them and demand the meaning of this practical and jest when suddenly all three lifted their heads and turned their faces on me such faces awful in their pallid agony | 33 |
and a whisper more ghastly than a shriek penetrated the very of my consciousness misery with a furious bound i flung myself upon them my hands struck empty space yet there distinct as ever they stood down upon me while my clenched fists beat through and beyond their seeming shapes and then all at once i became aware of their eyes eyes that watched me and eyes that like witch fires seemed to slowly burn terrific into my very flesh and spirit and almost frantic with the strain on my nerves i abandoned myself to despair this ghastly sight meant death i thought my last hour had surely come then i saw the lips of one of those dreadful faces move some instinct in me ii the sorrows of satan leaped to life in some strange way i thought i knew or guessed the horror of what that next utterance would be and with all my remaining force i cried out no no not that eternal doom not yet fighting the vacant air i strove to beat back those awful shapes that loomed above me withering up my soul with the fixed stare of their angry eyes and with a choking call for help i fell as it were into a pit of darkness where i lay unconscious xi how the hours between this horrible episode and full morning elapsed i do not know i was dead to all impressions i woke at last or rather recovered my senses to see the sunlight pouring pleasantly through the half drawn curtains at my window and to find myself in bed in as a position as though i had never left it was it then merely a vision i had seen a ghastly sort of nightmare if so it was surely the most illusion ever from it could not be a question of health for i had never felt better in my life i lay for some time thinking over the with my eyes fixed on that part of the room where those three shapes had seemingly stood but i had lately got into such a habit of cool self analysis that by the time my brought my early cup of coffee i had decided that the whole thing was a dreadful born of my own imagination which had no doubt been excited by the s suicide i soon learned that there was no room left for doubt as to that unhappy young nobleman s actual death a brief account of it was in the morning papers though as the tragedy had occurred so late at night there were no details a vague hint of money difficulties was thrown out in one journal but beyond that and the the sorrows of satan statement that the body had been conveyed to the there to await an there was nothing said either personal or particular i found in the smoking room and it was he who first silently pointed out to me the short headed suicide of a i told you he was a good shot he commented i nodded somehow i had ceased to feel much interest in the subject my emotion of the previous evening had apparently exhausted all my stock of sympathy and left me coldly indifferent absorbed in myself and my own concerns i sat down to talk and was not long before i had given a full and account of the illusion which had so troubled me during the night listened smiling oddly that old was evidently too strong for you he said when i had concluded my story did you give me old i responded laughing then the mystery is explained i was already and needed no but what tricks the imagination plays us to be sure you have no idea of the distinct manner in which those three asserted themselves the impression was vivid no doubt and his dark eyes studied me curiously impressions often are very vivid see what a real impression this world makes upon us for example ah but then the world is real i answered is it you accept it as such i and things are as they appear to each separate individual no two human beings think alike hence there may be conflicting opinions as to the reality or non reality of this present world but we will not take unnecessary into the infinite question of what as contrasted with what appears to be i have some letters here for your consideration you have lately spoken of buying a country estate what say you to court in i have had my eye on that place for you it seems to me just the very thing the sorrows of satan it is a magnificent old pile part of it dates from elizabeth s time it is in excellent repair the grounds are most picturesque the classic river winds with rather a broad sweep through the park and the whole thing with a great part of the furniture included is to be sold for a mere song fifty thousand pounds cash i think you had better go in for it it would just suit your literary and poetic tastes was it my fancy or had his musical voice the faintest touch of a sneer as he uttered the last words i would not allow myself to think this possible and answered quickly anything you recommend must be worth looking at and i ll certainly go and see it the description sounds well and shakespeare s country always appeals to me but wouldn t you like to secure it for yourself he laughed not i i live nowhere for long i am of a dis position and am never happy tied down to one comer of the earth but i suggest to you for two reasons first that it is charming and perfectly appointed | 33 |
secondly that it will impress lord considerably if he knows you are going to buy it how so why because it used to be his property returned quietly till he got into the hands of the jews he gave them as security for and they have stepped in as owners they ve sold most of the pictures china a and other by the way have you noticed how the god still appears to protect the house of particularly the base who is allowed to get the unhappy christian into his nine times out of ten and no remedy drops from heaven the jew always triumphs rather inconsistent isn t it on the part of an deity his eyes flashed strange scorn anon he resumed as a result of lord s unfortunate speculations and the jews admirable as i tell you is in the market and fifty the sorrows of satan sand pounds will make you the envied owner of a place worth a hundred thousand we dine at the to night do we not i asked we do you cannot have forgotten that engagement and lady so soon surely he answered laughing no i have not forgotten i said at last after a little silence and i will buy this i will telegraph instructions to my lawyers at once will you give me the name and address of the agents with pleasure my dear boy and handed me a letter containing the particulars concerning the sale of the estate and other but are you not making up your mind rather suddenly hadn t you better inspect the property first there may be things you object to if it were a rat i said resolutely i would still buy it i shall settle the matter at once i wish to let lord know this very night that i am the future owner of good and my companion thrust his arm through mine as we left the smoking room together i like your swiftness of action it is admirable i always respect determination even if a man makes up his mind to go to hell i honour him for keeping to his word and going there straight as a die i laughed and we parted in high good humour he to fulfil a club engagement i to telegraph precise instructions to my legal friends messrs and for the immediate purchase in my name at all costs risks or of the estate known as court in the county of that evening i dressed with more than common care giving my man almost as much trouble as if i had been a woman he waited upon me however with patience and only when i was quite ready did he venture to utter what had evidently been on his mind for some time f ii the sorrows of satan excuse me sir he then observed but i you ve noticed that there s something unpleasant like about the prince s well he s rather a down looking fellow if that s what you mean i replied but i suppose there s no harm in him i don t know about that sir answered severely he does a great many strange things i do assure you downstairs with the servants he goes on something surprising sings and acts and dances too as if he were a whole music hall really i exclaimed in surprise i should never have thought it nor should i sir but it s a fact he must be rather an amusing fellow then i continued wondering that my man should take the accomplishments of in such an injured manner oh i don t say anything against his and rubbed his nose with a doubtful air it s all very well for him to cut and make himself agreeable if he likes but it s the deceit of him that surprises me sir you d think to look at him that he was a decent sort of dull chap with no ideas beyond his duty but really sir it s quite the contrary if you ll believe me the language he uses when he s up to his games downstairs is something frightful and he actually he learnt it from the gentlemen of the turf sir last night he was play acting and taking off all the fashionable folks then he took to and upon my word it made my blood run cold why what did he do i asked with some curiosity well sir he took one of the maids and set her in a chair and just pointed at her pointed at her and grinned for all the world like a devil out of a and though she is generally a respectable sober young woman if she didn t get up with a and commence dancing and round like a lunatic while he kept on pointing and presently she got to jumping and lifting her skirts that j the sorrows of satan high that it was positively scandalous some of us tried to stop her and couldn t she was like mad till all at once number twenty two bell rang that s the prince s room and he just caught hold of her set her down in her chair again and clapped his hands she came to directly and didn t know a bit what she d been doing then bell rang again and the fellow rolled up his eyes like a and said let us pray and off he went i laughed he seems to have a share of humour at i said i should not have thought it of him but do you think these of his are mischievous well that girl is very ill to day replied i expect she ll have to leave she has what she calls the and none of | 33 |
us dare tell her how she got them no sir believe me or not as you like there s something very queer about that and another thing i want to know is this what does he do with the other servants what does he do with the other servants i repeated what on earth do you mean well sir the prince has z oi his own hasn t he said on his fingers and two personal attendants besides quiet fellows enough who help in the waiting then he has a coachman and groom that makes six servants altogether now none of these except are ever seen in the hotel the sends all the meals in from somewhere in a heated and the two other fellows are never seen except when waiting at table and they don t live in their own rooms all day though they may sleep there and nobody knows where the carriage and horses are put up or where the coachman and groom lodge certain it is that both they and the board out it seems to me very mysterious i began to feel quite irritated look here i said there s nothing more useless or more than the habit of inquiring into other the sorrows of satan people s affairs the prince has a right to live as he likes and do as he pleases with his servants i am sure he for his privileges and whether his cook lives in or out up in the skies or down in a cellar is no matter of mine he has been a great traveller and no doubt has his peculiarities and probably his notions concerning food are very particular and fastidious but i don t want to know anything about his manage if you dislike it s easy to avoid him but for goodness sake don t go making mysteries where none exist looked up then down and folded one of my coats with special care i saw i had effectually checked his flow of confidence very well sir he observed and said no more i was rather diverted than otherwise at my servant s solemn account of s peculiarities as exhibited among his own class and when we were driving to lord s that evening i told something of the story to he laughed s spirits are often too much for him he said he is a perfect of mischief and cannot always control himself why what a wrong estimate i have formed of him i said i thought he had a peculiarly grave and somewhat sullen disposition you know the saying appearances are went on my companion lightly it s extremely true the professed is nearly always a disagreeable and heavy man personally as for he is like me in the respect of not being at all what he seems his only fault is a tendency to break the bounds of discipline but otherwise he serves me well and i do not inquire further is disgusted or alarmed neither i think i responded laughing he merely presents himself to me as an example of outraged respectability ah then you may be sure that when the maid the sorrows of satan was dancing he observed her steps with the said very respectable men are always particular of inspection into these matters soothe his ruffled feelings my dear and tell him that is the very soul of virtue i have had him in my service for a long time and can urge nothing against his character as a man he does not pretend to be an angel his tricks of speech and behaviour are the result of a too constant of his natural but he is really an excellent fellow he in science when he was with me in india i have often warned him of the danger there is in this force on the but a maid heavens there are so many maids one more or less with the will not matter this is lord s the carriage stopped before a handsome house situated a little back from park lane we were admitted by a gorgeous in red white silk and powdered wig who passed us on to his twin brother in height and appearance though perhaps a trifle more in bearing he in his turn ushered us upstairs with the air of one who should say see to what degradation a cruel fate so great a man in the we found lord standing on the hearth rug with his back to the fire and directly opposite him in a low an attired young lady with very small feet i mention the feet because as i entered they were the most prominent part of her person being well stretched out from beneath the would be concealment of sundry towards the warmth of the fire which the earl rather from view there was another lady in the room sitting bolt upright with hands neatly folded on her lap and to her we were first of all introduced when lord s own greetings were over allow me my friends prince mr tempest gentlemen my in law miss ii the sorrows of satan we bowed the lady gave us a dignified bend of the head she was an imposing looking with a curious expression on her features which was difficult to it was pious and but it also suggested the idea that she must have seen something excessively improper once in her life and had never been able to forget it the up mouth the round pale coloured eyes and the air of insulted virtue which seemed to her from head to foot all helped to this impression one could not look at miss long without beginning to wonder what it was that had in her long past youth so outraged the of her nature as to leave such | 33 |
traces on her countenance but i have since seen many english women look so especially among the particularly high bred old and of the upper ten very different was the and bright of the younger lady to whom we were next presented and who raising herself languidly from her position smiled at us with encouraging familiarity as we made our miss said the earl you perhaps know her father prince you must have heard of him at any rate the famous one of the great railway kings of course i know him responded warmly who does not i have met him often a charming man gifted with most remarkable humour and vitality i remember him perfectly we saw a good deal of each other in washington did you though said miss with a somewhat indifferent interest he s a queer sort of man to my thinking rather a cross between the ticket and officer combined you know i never see him but what i feel i must start on a journey directly seem to be written all over him i tell him so say pa if you didn t carry railway tracks in your face you d be better looking and you found him humorous did you the sorrows of satan laughing at the novel and free way in which this young person her parent protested that he did well i don t confessed miss but that may be because i ve heard all his stories over and over again and i ve read most of them in books besides so they re not much account to me he tells some of them to the prince of wales whenever he can get a chance but he don t try them off on me any more he s a real clever man too he s made his pile quicker than most and you re quite right about his vitality my his laugh takes you into the middle of next week her bright eyes flashed merrily as she took a comprehensive survey of our amused faces think i m don t you she went on but you know pa s not a stage parent all dressed out in lovely white hair and he s just an railway track and he wouldn t like to be do sit down won t you then turning her pretty head towards her host make them sit down lord i hate to see men standing the superior sex you know besides you re so tall she added glancing with admiration at s handsome face and figure that it s like peering up an apple tree at the moon to look at you laughed heartily and seated himself near her i followed his example the old earl still kept his position legs a on the hearth rug and beamed benevolence upon us all certainly was a creature one of those surface clever american women who distinctly divert men s minds without in the least rousing their passions so you re the famous mr tempest she said surveying me why it s simply splendid for you isn t it i always say it s no use having a heap of money unless you re young if you re old you only want it to fill your doctor s pockets while he tries to mend your out constitution i once knew an old lady who was left a of a hundred thousand pounds when she was ninety five poor the sorrows of satan old dear she cried over it she just had sense enough to understand what a good time she couldn t have she lived in bed and her only luxury was a dipped in milk for her tea it was all she cared for a hundred thousand pounds would go a long way in i said smiling wouldn t it just and the fair laughed but i guess want something a little more substantial for cash mr tempest a fortune in the prime of life is worth having i suppose you re one of the richest men about just now aren t you she put the question in a perfectly frank manner and seemed to be unconscious of any undue in it i may be one of the richest i replied and as i spoke the thought flashed suddenly across me how recently i had been one of the poorest but my friend here the prince is far richer than i is that so and she stared straight at who met her gaze with an indulgent half smile well now i guess pa s no better than a sort of after all why you must have the world at your feet pretty much so replied but then my dear miss the world is so very easily brought to one s feet surely w know that and he the words by an expressive look of his fine eyes i guess you mean compliments she replied i don t like them as a rule but i ll forgive you this once do said with one of his dazzling smiles that caused her to stop for a moment in her chatter and observe him with mingled fascination and and you too are young like mr tempest she resumed presently pardon me interrupted i am many years older the sorrows of satan really exclaimed lord at this juncture you don t look it does he miss thus appealed to raised her elegant shell framed glasses to her eyes and peered at us both i should imagine the prince to be slightly the senior of mr tempest she remarked in precise high bred accents but only very slightly anyhow resumed miss you re young enough to enjoy your wealth aren t you young enough or old enough just as you please said with a careless shrug but as it happens i do not enjoy it miss | 33 |
s whole aspect now expressed the most lively astonishment what does money do for you went on his eyes with that strange and wistful expression which had often excited my curiosity the world is at your feet perhaps yes but what a world what a of matter wealth acts merely as a kind of mirror to show you human nature at its worst men and about you and lie twenty times in as many hours in the hope to you and serve their own interests the princes of the blood willingly themselves and their position to borrow cash of you your merit if you have any is thought nothing of your full pockets are your with kings prime ministers and you may talk like a fool laugh like a and look like a but if the of your gold be only sufficiently loud you may soon find yourself dining with the queen if such be your ambition if on the contrary you happen to be truly great brave patient and enduring with a spark in you of that genius which life and makes it better worth living if you have thoughts which take shape in work that shall endure when are swept away like dust before the wind and if with all this you are yet poor in current coin i the sorrows of satan why then you shall be by all the crowned of the world you shall be by the and the who lives on a patent the from whom you buy and kitchen ware can look down upon you with scorn for does he not by virtue of his wealth alone drive a four in hand and chat on easy and almost terms with the prince of wales the wealthy of land delight in nature s elected but supposing said miss quickly you happen to be a nature s nobleman yourself and have the advantage of wealth besides surely you must fairly allow that to be rather a good thing mustn t you laughed a little i will retort upon you in your own words fair lady and say i guess you mean compliments what i venture to imply however is that even when wealth does fall to the lot of one of these nature s it is not because of his innate nobility that he wins social distinction it is simply because he is rich that is what me i for example have endless friends who are not my friends so much as the friends of my income they do not trouble to inquire as to my what i am or where i came from is of no importance neither are they concerned in how i live or what i do whether i am sick or well happy or unhappy is equally with them a matter of indifference if they knew more about me it would perhaps be better in the long run but they do not want to know their aims are simple and they wish to make as much out of me and secure as much advantage to themselves by their acquaintance with me as possible and i give them their full way they get all they want and more his musical voice lingered with a curiously melancholy on the last word and this time not only miss but we all looked at him as though drawn by some irresistible spell and for a moment there was silence the sorrows of satan very few people have any real friends said lord presently and in that respect i suppose we re none of us worse off than who used to keep two chairs only in his house one for myself and another for a friend when i find him but you are a favourite a most popular fellow and i think you re rather hard on your set people must look after themselves you eh bowed his head gravely they must indeed he replied especially as the latest news of science is that god has given up the business miss looked displeased but the earl laughed at that moment a step was heard outside approaching the open doorway of the drawing room and miss s quick ears caught the sound she shook herself out of her attitude instantly and sat erect it s she said with a half laughing half flash of her brown eyes at us all i never can before my heart beat fast as the woman whom poets might have called the goddess of their dreams but whom i was now disposed to consider as an object of beauty open to my purchase entered clad in simple white by any ornaments save a golden of antique and a knot of among the lace at her bosom she looked far than when i had first seen her at the theatre there was a deeper light in her eyes and a more flush on her cheeks while her smile as she greeted ns was positively dazzling something in her presence her movements her manner sent such a tide of passion through me that for a moment my brain whirled in a dizzy and despite the cold calculations i had made in my own mind as to the certainty i had of winning her for my wife there was a wondrous charm of delicate dignity and about her that caused me for the moment to feel ashamed and inclined to doubt even the power of wealth to move this exquisite lily of from her peace the sorrows of satan ah what fools men are how little do we dream of the at the hearts of these women lilies that look so pure and full of grace you are late said her aunt severely am i she responded with languid indifference so sorry papa are you an fire screen lord hastily moved to one side rendered suddenly conscious | 33 |
of his selfish of the blaze are you not cold miss continued lady in accents of studied courtesy would you not like to come nearer the fire had become quite subdued almost timid in fact thank you she murmured and her eyes dropped with what might have been called retiring maiden modesty had not miss s qualities far beyond that description we heard some shocking news this morning mr tempest said lady looking at rather than at me no doubt you read it in the papers an acquaintance of ours shot himself last night i could not repress a slight start gave me a warning glance and took it upon himself to reply yes i read a brief account of the affair terrible indeed i also knew him slightly did you well he was engaged to a friend of mine went on lady i myself think she has had a lucky escape because though he was an agreeable man enough in society he was a great and very extravagant and he would have run through her fortune very quickly but she cannot be brought to see it in that light she is dreadfully upset she had set her heart on being a i guess said miss with a sly sparkle of her eyes it s not only americans who run after titles since i ve been over here known several real nice girls marry downright mean heads just for the sake of being the sorrows of satan called my lady or your grace i like a title very well but i also like a man attached to it the earl smothered a laugh lady gazed into the fire and went on as though she had not heard of course my friend will have other chances she is young and handsome but i really think apart from the social point of view that she was a little in love with the nonsense nonsense said her father somewhat you always have some romantic notion or other in your head one season ought to have cured you of sentiment ha ha ha she always knew he was a rascal and she was going to marry him with her eyes wide open to the fact when i read in the papers that he had blown his brains out in a i said bad taste bad taste a poor s stock in trade to satisfy a selfish whim ha ha but i thought it was a good of bad rubbish he would have made any woman s life utterly miserable no doubt he would responded lady but all the same there is such a thing as love sometimes she raised her beautiful liquid eyes to s face but he was not looking her way and her gaze met mine instead what my looks expressed i know not but i saw the rich blood mantle warmly in her cheeks and a tremor seemed to pass through her frame then she grew very pale at that moment one of the gorgeous appeared at the doorway dinner is served my good and the earl proceeded to pair us all prince will you take miss mr tempest my daughter falls to your escort i will follow with miss we set off in this order down the stairs and as i walked behind with lady on my arm i could not help smiling at the extreme gravity and earnestness with which he was discussing church matters with miss and the sorrows of satan the sudden enthusiasm that apparently seized that dignified at some of his remarks on the clergy which took the form of the most affectionate respectful and were totally the reverse of the ideas he had exchanged with me on the same subject some spirit of mischief was evidently moving him to have a solemn joke with the high bred lady he escorted and i noted his behaviour with a good deal of inward amusement then you know the dear i heard miss say most intimately replied with and i assure you i am thankful to have the privilege of knowing him a truly perfect man almost a saint if not quite so pure minded sighed the so free from every taint of murmured with intense gravity ah yes yes indeed and so here they passed into the dining room and i could hear no more i followed with my beautiful partner and in another minute we were all seated at table xii the dinner went on in the fashion of most dinners at great houses with and formality slightly towards the middle course and to just a pleasant warmth of mutual understanding when and give warning of its approaching close conversation at first but afterwards brightened under s influence to a certain gaiety i did my best to entertain lady but found her like most society beauties somewhat of a vague listener she was certainly cold and in a manner moreover i soon decided that she was not particularly clever she had not the art of the sorrows of satan or appearing to sustain interest in any one subject on the contrary she liad like many of her class an habit of mentally drifting away from you into an absorbed reverie of her own in which you had no part and which plainly showed you how little she cared for anything you or anyone else happened to be saying many little random remarks of hers however implied that in her apparently sweet nature there a vein of and a certain contempt for men and more than once her light words stung my sense of almost to resentment while they strengthened the force of my resolve to win her and bend that proud spirit of hers to the the wife of a and a genius a genius yes god help me that is what i judged myself to be my was two fold | 33 |
it arose not only from what i imagined to be my quality of brain but also from the knowledge of what my wealth could do i was perfectly positive that i could buy fame buy it as easily ai one a flower in the market and i was more than positive that i could buy love in order to commence proving the truth of this i threw out a towards my object i believe i said suddenly addressing the earl you used to live in at court did you not lord flushed an red and swallowed a of champagne hastily yes er yes i er had the place for some time rather a bore to keep up wants quite an army of servants just so i replied with a nod of comprehension i presume it will require a considerable domestic i have just arranged to purchase it lady composure was at last disturbed she looked strangely agitated and the earl stared till his eyes seemed likely to fall out of his head you you going to buy he ejaculated the sorrows of satan yes i have to my lawyers to settle the matter as quickly as possible and i glanced at whose eyes were fixed on the earl with curious i like and as i shall entertain a great deal i think the place will suit me perfectly there was a moment s silence miss sighed deeply and the lace bow on her severely parted hair trembled visibly looked up with inquisitive eyes and a little wondering smile was born at said the earl presently in rather a voice a new charm is added to its possession by that knowledge i said gently bowing to lady as i spoke have you many recollections of the place indeed indeed i have she answered with a touch of something like passion in her accents there is no comer of the world i love so well i used to play on the under the old oak trees and i always gathered the first and that came out on the banks of the and when the was in full flower i used to make believe that the park was and i the fairy queen as you were and are interposed suddenly she smiled and her eyes flashed then she went on more quietly it was all very foolish but i loved and love it still and i often saw in the fields on the other side of the river which did not belong to the estate a little girl about my own age playing all by herself and making long chains and balls a little girl with long fair curls and a sweet baby face i wanted to know her and speak to her but my nurse would never let me because she was supposed to be beneath me lady s lip curled scornfully at this recollection yet she was well bom she was the orphan child of a very distinguished scholar and gentleman and had been adopted by the physician who the sorrows of satan attended her mother s she having no living relatives left to take care of her and she that little fair haired girl was as this name was uttered a sort of hush fell on our party as though an had rung and looking across at me with peculiar asked have you never heard of tempest i thought a moment before replying yes i had heard e name connected with literature in some dim and distant way but i could not remember when or how for i never paid any attention to the names of women who chose to associate themselves with the arts as i had the usual masculine notion that all they did whether in painting music or writing must of necessity be and unworthy of comment women i considered were created to amuse men not to instruct them is a marvellous genius lady said presently if mr tempest has not heard of her there is no doubt he will hear i often regret that i never made her acquaintance in those old days at the stupidity of my nurse often in my mind beneath me indeed and how very much she is above me now she still lives down there her adopted parents are dead and she rents the lovely little house they inhabited she has bought some extra land about it and improved the place wonderfully indeed i have never seen a more ideal poet s corner than lily cottage i was silent feeling somewhat in the background on account of my ignorance as to the gifts and the position of the individual they all seemed to recognise as a of importance rather an odd name isn t it i at last ventured to observe yes but it suits her wonderfully she sings quite as sweetly as any so she merits her what has she done in literature i continued the sorrows of satan oh only a novel replied with a smile but it has a quality unusual to novels it lives i hope tempest that your work will enjoy the same vitality here lord who had been more or less brooding darkly over his glass of wine ever since i had mentioned my purchase of roused himself from his reverie why god bless my soul he exclaimed you don t mean to tell me you have written a novel mr tempest was it possible he had never noticed all the prominent of my book in every paper i thought indignantly what do you want to do that for with your immense position he after fame said half kindly half but you ve got fame declared the earl emphatically everybody knows who you are by this time ah my dear lord that is not enough for the aspirations of my | 33 |
gifted friend responded speaking for me his eyes darkening with that shadow of mingled sorrow and scorn which so frequently clouded their brilliancy he does not particularly care for the immense position that is due to wealth alone because that does not lift him a higher than of court road he seeks to beyond the furniture man and who shall blame him he would be known for that indescribable quality called genius for high thoughts poetry divine instincts and prophetic into the heart of humanity in short for the power of the pen which down great like card houses and sticks on the heads of kings generally it is the man or woman who is endowed with this power this independence of action and indifference to opinion the wealthy seldom do anything but spend or but tempest means to unite for once in his own person the two most opposed forces in nature genius and cash or in other words god and the sorrows of satan lady turned her head towards me there was a look of doubt and wonder on her beautiful face i am afraid she said half smiling that the claims of society will take up too much of your time mr tempest to allow you to continue the writing of books i remember you told me the other evening that you were about to publish a novel i suppose you were originally i mean an author by profession a curious sense of anger burned within me originally an author was i not one still was i to be given credit for nothing but my book originally why i had never been an actual author till now i had simply been a wandering literary hack a stray of street occasionally engaged to write articles to order on any subject that came uppermost at a starvation rate of pay without any visible prospect of rising from that lowest and rung of the literary ladder i felt myself growing red then pale and i saw that was looking at me am an author lady i said at last and i hope i may soon prove my right to be acknowledged as one author is in my opinion a title than king and i do not think any social claims will me from following the profession of literature which i look upon as the highest in the world lord uneasily in his chair but your people he said your family are they literary no members of my family are now living i answered somewhat stiffly my father was john tempest of indeed and the face brightened considerably dear me dear me i used to meet him often in the hunting field years ago you come of a fine old stock sir the of are well and known in county i the sorrows of satan s i said nothing feeling a trifle heated in temper though i could not have quite explained why one begins to wonder said then in his soft smooth accents when one is the of a good english county family b distinct cause for pride and moreover has the still more substantial fact of a large fortune to support that high why one should trouble to fight for merely literary honours yon are far too modest in your tempest s i as you are upon bank notes and with all the glory of county behind you you still stoop to clutch the laurel my dear fellow you yourself by this desire to join the company of the his tone was not lost upon the company and i who saw that in his own special way he was defending the claims of literature against those of mere place and money felt soothed and grateful the earl looked a trifle annoyed that s all very fine he said but you see it isn t as if mr tempest were driven by necessity to write for his living one may love work for the work s sake without any actual necessity for doing it i interposed for example this you speak of is she a woman driven by necessity hasn t a penny in the world that she does not earn said lord i suppose that if she did not write she would starve laughed i guess she s a long way off starvation just now she remarked her brown eyes why she s as proud as the drives in the park in her victoria and pair with the best in the land and knows all the people she s nowhere near street should say i hear she s a splendid business woman and more than a match for the all round well i should rather doubt that said the earl with a the sorrows of satan chuckle it needs the devil himself to match the you are right said in fact i that in the various phases or of the spirit into forms of matter the devil should he exist at all has frequently become a and a particularly benevolent too by way of diversion we all smiled well i should is to be a match for anybody or anything said lady of course she is not rich but she her money wisely and to effective advantage i do not know her personally i wish i did but i have read her books which are quite out of the common she is a most independent creature too quite indifferent to opinions i suppose she must be extremely plain then i observed plain women always try to do something more or less startling in order to attract the attention denied to their personality true but that would not apply to miss she is quite lovely and knows how to dress besides such a virtue in literary women exclaimed some | 33 |
of them are such most people of culture went on lady in our set at any rate are accustomed to look upon miss as quite an exception to the usual run of authors she is charming in herself as well as in her books and she goes everywhere she writes with inspiration and always has something so new to say that of course all the cities ar down upon her oh naturally but we never read nor anyone else i should hope said lord with a laugh except the fellows who write them ha ha ha i call it damned impertinence excuse the on the part of a newspaper hack to presume to teach me what i ought to the sorrows of satan read or what i ought to appreciate i m quite capable of forming my own judgment on any book that ever was written but i avoid all the confounded new poets avoid em like poison sir ha ha anything but a new poet the old ones are good enough for me why sir these who give themselves such airs with a of ink and a pen are mostly half grown half educated boys who for a couple of guineas a week undertake to tell the public what they think of such and such a book as if anyone cared a about their green opinions quite ridiculous what do they take the public for i wonder of responsible journals ought to know better than to employ such young just because they can get them cheap at this juncture the butler came up behind his master s chair and whispered a few words the earl s brow clouded then he addressed his sister in law lady sends word that she will come into the drawing room to night perhaps you had better go and see that she is made comfortable and as miss rose he turned to us saying my wife is seldom well enough to see visitors but this evening she feels inclined for a little change and distraction from the monotony of her sick room it will be very kind of you two gentlemen to entertain her she cannot speak much but her hearing and sight are excellent and she takes great interest in all that is going on dear dear me and he heaved a short troubled sigh she used to be one of the brightest of women the sweet murmured miss with tenderness she is quite lovely still lady glanced at her with a sudden haughty frown which showed me plainly what a rebellious temper the young beauty held in control and i fell straightway more in love according to my idea of love than ever i confess i like a woman to have a certain amount of temper i cannot endure your amiable female who can find nothing in all the length or breadth of the globe to move her to any other the sorrows of satan expression than a smile i love to see the danger flash in bright eyes the delicate quiver of pride in the lines of a lovely mouth and the warm flush of indignation on fair cheeks it all suggests spirit and will and in a man the love of mastery that is born in his nature urging him to conquer and subdue that which seems and all the desire of such conquest was strong within me when at the close of dinner i rose and held the door open for the ladies to pass out of the room as the fair went the she wore at her bosom dropped i picked them up and made my first move may i keep these i said in a low tone her breath came and went quickly but she looked straight in my eyes with a smile that perfectly comprehended my hidden meaning you may she answered i bowed closed the door behind her and the flowers returned well satisfied to my place at table xiii left with myself and lord threw ofl all reserve and became not only familiar but in his of us both an abject and pitiable desire to please and us expressed itself in his every look and word and i firmly believe that if i had coolly and offered to buy his fair daughter by private treaty for a hundred thousand pounds that sum to be paid down to him on the day of marriage he would have gladly agreed to sell apart however from his personal i felt and knew that my projected courtship of lady would of necessity resolve itself into something more or less of a market bargain unless indeed i could win the girl s love i meant to try and do this but i fully realized how difficult nay almost impossible it the sorrows of satan would be for her to forget the fact of my and vast fortune and consider me for myself alone is one of the blessings of poverty which the poor are frequently too apt to forget a man if he wins a woman s love knows that such love is genuine and by self interest i but a rich man can never be truly certain of love at all the advantages of a wealthy match are constantly urged upon all girls by both their parents and friends and it would have to be a very feminine nature indeed that could contemplate a husband possessing five millions of money without a touch of purely interested satisfaction a very wealthy man can never be sure even of friendship while the highest strongest and noblest kind of love is nearly always denied to him in this way carrying out the fulfilment of those strange but true words how hardly shall he that is a rich man enter the kingdom of heaven the heaven of a woman s | 33 |
love tried and proved true through disaster and difficulty of her and devotion in days of toil and bitter anguish of her heroic self sweetness and courage through the darkest hours of doubt and disappointment this bright and splendid side of woman s character is reserved by divine for the poor man the can indeed wed he pleases among all the beauties of the world he can deck his wife in gorgeous apparel load her with jewels and look upon her in all the radiance of her richly adorned loveliness as one may look upon a perfect statue or picture but he can never reach the deeper secrets of her soul or the well springs of her finer nature i thought this even thus early in the beginning of my admiration for lady though i did not then dwell upon it as i have often done since i was too elated with the pride of wealth to count the possibilities of subtle losses amid so many solid gains and i enjoyed to the full and with a somewhat contemptuous malice the humble of a earl before the dazzling mine of practically unlimited cash as r presented to him in the sorrows of satan the persons of my brilliant comrade and myself i took a curious sort of pleasure in him and addressed him with a protecting air of indulgent kindness he seemed gratified inwardly i laughed as i thought how differently matters would have stood supposing i had been indeed no more than author i might have proved to be one of the greatest writers of the age but if with that i had been poor or only well off this same half earl who privately an american for two thousand guineas a year would have deemed it a condescension to so much as invite me to his house would have looked down upon me from his and perhaps carelessly alluded to me as a man who writes er yes er rather clever i believe and then would have thought no more about me for this very cause as author still though i took a fantastic pleasure in humiliating his as much as possible and i found the best way to do this was to talk about i saw that he at the very name of his lost estate and that notwithstanding this he could not avoid showing his anxiety as to my intentions with regard to its occupation whose wisdom and foresight had suggested my becoming the of the place assisted me in the most fashion to draw him out and to make his character manifest and by the time we had finished our cigars and coffee i knew that the proud earl of who could trace his to the earliest days of the was as ready to bend his back and crawl in the dust for money as the hotel porter expectant of a sovereign tip i had never entertained a high opinion of the aristocracy and on this occasion it was certainly not improved but remembering that the nobleman beside me was the father of lady i treated him on the whole with more respect than his mean and grasping nature deserved on returning to the drawing room after dinner i was struck by the chill that seemed to be imparted to it by the addition of lady s couch which placed near the fire g the sorrows of satan suggested a black in bulk and outline it was practically a narrow bed on wheels though partially disguised by a silk draped so as to somewhat hide its coffin like shape the extended figure of the herself presented a death like but her face as she turned it towards us on our entrance was as yet and distinctly handsome her eyes especially being large clear and almost brilliant her daughter introduced us both in a low tone and she moved her head slightly by way of acknowledgment studying us curiously the while well my dear said lord briskly this is an unexpected pleasure it is nearly three months since you honoured us with your company how do you feel better she replied slowly yet distinctly her gaze now fixed with wondering on prince mother found the room rather cold explained lady so we brought her as near to the fire as possible it cold and she shivered i fancy it must be hard where is asked the earl looking about in search of that lively young lady miss has gone to her own room to write a letter replied his daughter somewhat she will be back directly at this moment lady feebly raised her hand and pointed to who had moved aside to answer some question asked of him by miss who is that she murmured why mother dear i told you said lady gently that is prince papa s great friend the s pallid hand still remained lifted as though it were frozen in air what is he the slow voice again inquired and then the hand dropped suddenly like a dead thing now you must not excite said her husband bending over her couch with real or assumed the sorrows of satan anxiety surely you remember all i have told you about the prince and also about this gentleman mr tempest she nodded and her eyes turning reluctantly away from regarded me you are a very young man to be a were her next words uttered with evident difficulty are you married i smiled and answered in the negative her looks wandered from me to her daughter s face then back to me again with a singularly intent expression finally the potent of s presence again attracted her and she indicated him by a gesture ask your friend to come here and speak to me turned instinctively at her request and with his own peculiar charm and gallant grace of bearing came | 33 |
to the side of the lady and taking her hand kissed it your face seems familiar to me she said speaking now as it seemed with greater ease have i ever met you before dear lady you may have done so he replied in tones and with a most gentleness of manner it occurs to me now i think of it that years ago i saw once as a passing vision of loveliness in the hey day of youth and happiness before she was of you must have been a mere boy a child at that time she murmured faintly smiling not so for you are still young madame and i am old you look incredulous alas why is it i wonder i may not look the age i am most of my acquaintances spend a great part of their lives in trying to look the age they are not and i never came across a man of fifty who was not proud to be considered thirty nine my desires are more yet honourable refuses to impress itself upon my features it is quite a sore point with me i assure you m the sorrows of satan well how old are you really asked lady smiling at him ah i dare not tell you he answered returning the smile but i ought to explain that in my i judge age by the workings of thought and feeling more than by the passing of years thus it should not surprise you to hear that i feel myself old old as the world but there are who say that the world is young i observed and that it is only now beginning to feel its forces and put forth its vigour such are wrong he answered the world is a veritable of a planet humanity has nearly completed all its allotted phases and the end is near the end echoed lady do you believe the world will ever come to an end i do most certainly or to be more correct it will not actually perish but will simply change and the change will not agree with the constitution of its present inhabitants they will call the the day of judgment i should imagine it would be a fine sight the gazed at him lady seemed amused i would rather not witness it said lord oh why and looked about with quite a cheerful air a final glimpse of the planet ere we descend or to our future homes elsewhere would be something to remember madame here he addressed lady are you fond of music the invalid smiled gratefully and bent her head in acquiescence miss had just entered the room and heard the question do you play she exclaimed touching him on the arm with her fan he bowed i do in an sort of fashion i also sing music has always been one of my passions when i the sorrows of satan was very young ages ago i used to imagine i could hear the angel his amid the golden glow of heavenly glory himself white winged and wonderful with a voice out ringing beyond the verge of paradise as he spoke a sudden silence fell upon us all something in his accent touched my heart to a strange sense of sorrow and yearning and the of s dark eyes languid with long suffering grew soft as though with repressed tears sometimes he continued more lightly just at odd moments i like to believe in paradise it is a relief even to a hardened sinner like myself to fancy that there may exist something in the way of a world better than this one surely sir said miss severely you believe in heaven he looked at her and smiled slightly madame forgive me i do not believe in the heaven i know you will be angry with me for this frank confession but i cannot picture the angels in white with goose wings or the deity as a somewhat personage with a beard personally i should decline to go to any heaven which was only a city with golden streets and i should object to a sea of glass it as a want of invention on the part of the intelligence but do not frown dear miss i do believe in heaven all the same a different kind of heaven i often see it in my dreams he paused and again we were all silent gazing at him lady s eyes indeed rested upon him with such absorbed interest that i became somewhat irritated and was glad when turning towards the once more he said quietly shall i give you some music now madame she murmured assent and followed him with a vaguely uneasy glance as he crossed over to the grand piano and rat down i had never heard him either play or sing in fact i the sorrows of satan so far as his accomplishments went i knew nothing of him as yet except that he was a perfect master of the art of with the first few bars he struck i half started from my chair in amazement could a mere produce such sounds or was there some hidden in the commonplace instrument by any other i stared around me bewildered i saw miss drop her knitting lying lazily back in one comer of the sofa half closed her eyelids in dreamy ecstasy lord stood near the fire resting one arm on the and his brows with his hand and lady sat beside her mother her lovely face pale with emotion while on the worn features of the lady there was an expression of mingled pain and pleasure difficult to describe the music swelled into passionate crossed and re crossed each other like rays of light glittering among green leaves | 33 |
voices of birds and streams and tossing in with songs of love and playful merriment anon came strains of grief and angry cries of despair were heard echoing through the noise of some storm shrieked amid sobs of reluctant shuddering agony and then as i listened before my eyes a black mist gathered slowly and i thought i saw great rocks bursting asunder into flame and drifting islands in a sea of fire faces wonderful hideous beautiful peered at me out of darkness than night and in the midst of this there came a tune complete in sweetness and suggestion b piercing sword like tune that plunged into my very heart and there my breath failed me my senses swam i felt that i must move speak cry out and that this music this horribly music should cease ere i with the poison of it when with a full of splendid harmony that rolled out upon the air like a breaking wave the sounds away into silence no one spoke our hearts were yet beating too wildly with the roused by that the sorrows of satan wondrous storm was the first to break the spell well that beats everything i ve ever heard t she murmured i could say nothing i was too occupied with my own thoughts something in the music had itself into my blood or so i fancied and the clinging subtle sweetness of it moved me to strange emotions that were neither wise nor worthy of a man i looked at lady she was very pale her eyes were cast down and her hands were trembling on a sudden impulse i rose and went to where he still sat at the piano his hands wandering over the keys you are a great master i said a wonderful but do you know what your music suggests he met my fixed gaze shrugged his shoulders and shook his head crime i whispered you have roused in me evil thoughts of which i am ashamed i did not think that was possible to so divine an art he smiled and his eyes glittered with the brightness of stars on a wintry night art takes its colours from the mind my dear friend he said if you discover evil suggestions in my music the evil i fear must be in your own nature or in yours i said quickly or in mine he agreed coldly i have often told you i am no saint i stood hesitatingly looking at him for one moment his great personal beauty appeared hateful to me though i knew not why then the feeling of distrust and slowly passed leaving me and abashed pardon me i murmured i spoke in haste but truly your music almost put me in a state of frenzy i never heard anything in the least like it nor i said lady who just then moved towards the sorrows of satan the piano it was marvellous do you know it quite frightened me i am sorry he answered with a penitent air i know i am quite a failure as a i am not sufficiently restrained as the press men would say a failure good god exclaimed lord at this juncture why if you played like that in public you d drive frantic with alarm laughing or with disgust nonsense you know what i mean very well i have always had a contempt for the piano as an instrument but by jove i never heard such music as yours even in a full it is extraordinary it is positively magnificent where in the world did you study in nature s replied lazily my first was an amiable he singing on a branch of fir when the moon was full explained with liquid noted patience how to and produce a pure and and when i had learned thus far he showed me all the most elaborate methods of applying tune to the upward and downward rush of the wind thus supplying me with perfect i learned from old who was good enough to toss a few of his largest to the shore for my special benefit he nearly me with his instructions being somewhat and but on finding me an apt pupil he drew back his waves to himself with so much delicacy among the pebbles and sand that at once i mastered the secret of playing once too i had a finishing lesson from a dream a mystic thing with wild hair and wings it sang one word in my ears and the word was in mortal speech but after many efforts i discovered it lurking in the scale of sound the best part of it all was that my asked no the sorrows of satan i think you are a poet as well as a said lady a poet spare me my dear young lady why are you so cruel as to load me with so vile an better be a murderer than a poet one is treated with much more respect and courteous consideration by the press at any rate the murderer s breakfast will be given due place in many of the most journals but the poet s lack of both breakfast and dinner will be deemed his fitting reward call me a live stock a a timber merchant anything but a poet why even became an amateur to somewhat conceal and excuse the shame and degradation of writing verse we all laughed well you must admit said lord that we ve had rather too much of poets lately it s no wonder we re sick of them and that poetry has fallen into poets are such a lot too you are speaking of the newly discovered ones of course said yes they are a collection i have sometimes thought that out of pure | 33 |
i would start a bon bon and employ them to write for the it would keep them out of mischief and provide them with a little pocket money for as matters stand they do not make a by their books but i do not call them poets at all they are mere one or two real poets do exist but like the of scripture they are not in society nor can they get their logs rolled by any of their they are not with any set that is why i am afraid my dear friend tempest will never be accepted as the genius he is society will be too fond of him to let him go down into dust and ashes to gather the laurel it is not necessary to go down into dust and ashes for that i said the sorrows of satan i assure you it is he answered gaily positively imperative the laurel best so it will not grow in a hot house at that moment approached lady would like to hear you sing prince she said will you give us that pleasure do something quite simple you know it will set our nerves straight after your terribly beautiful music you d hardly believe it perhaps but i really feel quite he folded his hands with a droll air of forgive me he said f m always as the church service says doing those things i ought not to do miss laughed a trifle nervously oh i forgive you she on condition that you sing i obey and with that he turned again to the piano and playing a strange wild minor accompaniment sang the following sleep my beloved sleep be patient we shall keep our secret closely hid beneath the coffin lid there is no other place in earth or air for such a love as ours or such despair and neither hell nor heaven shall care to win our souls rejoicing in their sin sleep for my hand is sure the cold steel bright pure strikes through thy heart and mine shedding our blood like wine sin s sweetness is too sweet and if the shame of love must be our curse we the blame back on the gods who gave us love with breath and tortured us from passion into death i this extraordinary song sung in the most glorious of full and rich and with power and sweetness had a visibly thrilling effect upon us all again we were the sorrows of satan struck dumb with surprise and something like fear and again broke the silence you call that simple she said half quite so love and death are the simplest things in the world replied the ballad is a mere trifle it is entitled the last love song and is supposed to be the utterance of a lover about to kill his mistress and himself such events happen every day you know that by the newspapers they are perfectly common place he was interrupted by a sharp clear voice ringing across the room where did you learn that song xiv it was the who spoke she had managed to partly raise herself on her couch and her face expressed positive terror her husband hurried to her side and with a curiously cynical smile on his lips rose from the piano miss who had sat rigidly upright and silent for some time hastened to attend upon her sister but lady was singularly excited and appeared to have gained a sudden access of unnatural vigour go away i m not ill she said impatiently i feel better much better than i have done for months the music does me good and addressing her husband she added ask your friend to come and sit here by me i want to talk to him he has a magnificent voice and i know that song he sang i remember reading it in a manuscript long ago i want to know where he found it here advanced with his gentle tread and courteous bearing and lord gave him a chair beside the you are working miracles on my wife he said i have not seen her so animated for years the sorrows of satan and leaving the two to talk he crossed over to where lady myself and miss were all seated in a group more or less i have just been expressing the hope that you and your daughter will pay me a visit at lord i said his brows contracted a little but he forced a smile we shall be delighted he when do you take possession as soon as it is at all i replied i shall wait in town till the next e is over as both my friend and myself have arranged to be presented oh ah yes er yes that is always advisable and it s not half such a troublesome business as a is for the ladies it s soon over and low are not de ha ha ha who is your i named a distinguished personage closely connected with the court and the earl nodded a very good man you could not have a better he said complacently and this book of yours when does it come out next week we must get it we must certainly get it said lord assuming interest you must put it down on your library list she assented though as i thought a trifle indifferently on the contrary you must allow me to present it to you i said it will be a pleasure to me which i hope you will not deny you are very kind she answered lifting her beautiful eyes to mine as she spoke but the at s is sure to send it he knows i | 33 |
read everything though i confess i never buy any books except those by again that woman s name i felt annoyed but took care not to show my annoyance i shall be jealous of i said the sorrows of satan most men are she replied quietly you are indeed an enthusiastic of hers i exclaimed somewhat surprised yes i suppose i am i like to see any member of my sex distinguish herself as nobly as she does i have no genius of my own and that is one of the reasons why i honour it so much in other women i was about to make some suitable compliment by way of response to this remark when we were all violently startled from our seats by a most horrible cry a gasping scream such as might be wrung from some tortured animal aghast at the sound we stood for a moment staring at who came quickly towards us with an air of grave concern i am afraid he said softly that the is not so well perhaps you had better go to her another shriek interrupted his words and with horror we saw lady struggling in the of some sudden and terrific her hands beating the air as if she were fighting with an unseen enemy in one second her face such hideous as robbed it of all human semblance and between the of her difficult breath her half choked voice could be heard uttering wild cries mercy mercy oh god god tell pray pray to god pray and with that she fell heavily back speechless and unconscious all was instant confusion lady rushed to her mother s side with miss hung back trembling and afraid lord sprang to the bell and rang it furiously fetch the doctor he cried to the startled servant lady has had another shock she must be taken to her room at once can i be of any service i inquired with a side glance the sorrows of satan at who stood gravely apart a composed figure of silence no no thanks all the same and the earl pressed my hand gratefully she should not have come downstairs it has been too exciting for her don t look at her my dear it will only you miss pray go to your room can do all that is possible as he spoke two of the men servants came in to carry the insensible upstairs and as they slowly bore her on her coffin like couch past me one of them drew the across her face to conceal it but not so quickly that i could not see the awful change impressed upon it the horror that was stamped on the drawn features horror such as surely never was seen except in a painter s idea of some lost soul in torment the eyes were rolled up and fixed in their like balls of glass and in them also was frozen the same desperate look of fear it was a dreadful face so dreadful in its ghastly that i was all at once reminded of my hideous vision of the previous night and the pallid countenances of the three that had scared me in my sleep lady s looks now resembled theirs and appalled i averted my eyes and was glad to see taking farewell of his host the while he expressed his regret and sympathy with him in his domestic affliction i myself approaching lady pressed her cold and trembling hand in mine and respectfully kissed it i am deeply sorry i murmured i wish i could do anything to console you she looked at me with dry calm eyes thank you but the doctors have always said that my mother would have another shock her of speech it is very sad she will probably live for some years like that i again expressed my sympathy may i come and inquire about you all to morrow i asked the sorrows of satan it will be very kind of you she answered quietly shall i see you if i come i said in a lower tone if you wish it certainly our eyes met and i knew by instinct that she read my thoughts i pressed her hand again and was not then bowing profoundly i left her to make my to lord and miss who seemed terribly upset and frightened miss had left the room in attendance on her sister and she did not return to bid us good night lingered a moment behind me to say another word or two to the earl and when he joined me in the hall and threw on his opera coat he was smiling to himself somewhat singularly an unpleasant end for of he said when we were in our driving away is perhaps the worst of all the physical that can befall a rapid lady was she rapid well perhaps rapid is too mild a term but i can find no other he answered when she was young she is barely fifty now she did everything that could be done by woman at her worst and wildest she had scores of lovers and i believe one of them cleared off her husband s the earl gladly on a rather pressing occasion what disgraceful conduct i exclaimed he looked at me with an expression of cynical amusement think so the upper ten quite that sort of thing in their own set now a days it is all right if a lady has lovers and her husband beams benevolence on the situation what can be said nothing how very tender your conscience is i sat silent thinking my companion lit a and offered me one i took it mechanically without lighting it i made a mistake this evening he went on | 33 |
i should not have sung that last love song the fact is the i o the sorrows of satan words were written by one of her s former admirers a man who was something of a poet in his way and she had an idea that she was the only person living who had ever seen the lines she wanted to know if i knew the man who composed them and i was able to say that i did very intimately i was just explaining how it was and why i knew him so well when the distressing attack of came on and finished our conversation she looked horrible i said the of a modern yes her countenance at the last was certainly not attractive beauty combined with frequently ends in the drawn fixed eye and helpless limbs of life in death it is nature s revenge on the outraged body and do you know eternity s revenge on the soul is extremely similar what do you know about it i said smiling in spite of myself as i looked at his fine face expressive of perfect health and splendid your absurd fancies about the soul are the only traces of folly i discover in you really well i am glad i have something of the fool in my disposition foolishness being the only quality that makes wisdom possible i confess i have odd very odd notions about the soul i will excuse them i said laughing god forgive me in my own blind conceit the while he regarded me in fact i will excuse anything for the sake of your voice i do not flatter you you sing like an angel don t use impossible he replied have you ever heard an angel sing yes i answered smiling i have this very night he turned deadly pale a very open compliment he said forcing a laugh and with almost rough haste he suddenly let down the window of the carriage though the night was bitter cold this vehicle is me let us have some air see how the stars the sorrows of satan i i are shining like great crown jewels deity s hard frost like hard times brings noble works into yonder far off is a star you can hardly perceive red as a at times and again blue as the lightning i can always discover it though many cannot it is judged by superstitious folk to be an evil star i love it chiefly on account of its bad reputation it is no doubt much it may be a cold quarter of hell where weeping spirits sit frozen in ice made of their own tears or it may be a preparatory school for heaven who knows yonder too shines your star for you are in love my friend come confess it are you not i am not sure i answered slowly the phrase in love scarcely describes my present feeling you have dropped these he said suddenly picking up a fast fading knot of from the floor of the and holding them towards me he smiled as i uttered an exclamation of annoyance they were lady s flowers which i had let fall and i saw he knew it i took them from his hand in silence my dear fellow do not try to hide your intentions from your best friend he said seriously and kindly you wish to marry the earl of s beautiful daughter and you shall trust me i will do everything i can to promote your desire you will i exclaimed with delight for i fully recognised the influence he had over s father i will i promise he answered gravely i assure you that such a marriage would be one after my own heart i ll do all i can for you and i have made many matches in my time my heart beat high with triumph and when we parted that night i wrung his hand fervently and told him i was devoutly grateful to the for sending me such a good friend as he was the sorrows of satan grateful to whom did you say he asked with a look to the are you really they are very ugly sisters i believe perhaps they were your ghostly visitors of last night god forbid i ejaculated ah god never the fulfilment of his own laws he answered to do so he would have to destroy himself if he exists at all i said carelessly and with this we separated to our different quarters in the grand xv after that evening i became a regular and welcome visitor at lord s house and was soon on terms of the most friendly intimacy with all the members of his family including even the severely pious miss it was not difficult for me to see that my matrimonial aspirations were suspected and though the encouragement i received from lady herself was so slight as to make me doubtful whether after all my hopes of winning her would ever be realized the earl made no secret of his delight at the idea of securing me as a son in law such wealth as mine was not to be met with every day and even had i been a of the turf or a retired instead of an author i should with five millions at my back have been considered quite as desirable a for the lady s hand scarcely ever went with me to the now pleading as excuse much pressing business and many social engagements i was not altogether sorry for this greatly as i admired and honoured him his extraordinary physical beauty and fascination of manner were in dangerous contrast to my merely ordinary personality and it seemed to me impossible that any the sorrows | 33 |
of satan woman seeing much of him could be expected to give me the preference all the same i had no fear that he would ever voluntarily become my rival his to women was too deep rooted and sincere for that on this point indeed his feelings were so strong and passionate that i often wondered why the society who eagerly his attention remained so blind and unconscious to the chill that beneath his seeming courtesy the cutting satire that was coupled with apparent compliment and the intensity of hatred that imder the assumed expression of admiring homage in his flashing eyes however it was not my business to point out to those who could not or would not see the endless peculiarities of my friend s disposition i did not pay much heed to them even so far as i myself was concerned for i had grown accustomed to the quick changes he was wont to ring on all the of human feeling and absorbed in my own life schemes i did not trouble myself to intimately study the man who had in a couple of months become my i was engrossed at the moment in doing all i could to increase the earl of s sense of my value as a man and a and to this end i paid some of his pressing debts lent him a large sum of money without demanding interest or promise of and his cellar with presents of such rare old as he had not been able to afford to purchase for himself for many years thus was confidence easily between us even to that point of which displayed itself in his s readiness to thrust his arm through mine when we sauntered together down and his calling my dear boy in public never shall i forget the bewildered amazement of the little editor of a magazine who met me face to face thus accompanied in the park one morning that he knew the earl of by sight was evident and that he also knew me his stare confessed he had refused to even read any of my offered on the ground that i had no name and i the sorrows of satan now he would have given a month s salary if i had but condescended to recognize him i did not so condescend but passed him by listening to and laughing with my intended future father in law who was an extremely ancient joke for my benefit the incident was slight even yet it put me in a good humour far one of the pleasures i had out of my wealth was the ability to repay with interest all the contempt and insult that had beaten me back from every chance of earning a while i was poor in all my visits to the i never saw the again since the last terrible of her dread disease she had not moved she merely lived and breathed no more lord told me that the worst part of her illness at present so far as it affected those who had to attend upon her was the particularly hideous alteration of her face the fact is he said not without a shudder she s dreadful to look at positively dreadful no longer human you know she used to be a lovely woman now she is literally frightful her eyes especially they are as scared and wild as if she had seen the devil quite an awful expression i assure you and it never the doctors can do nothing and of course it s very trying for and for everybody i assented and that a house holding such a figure of living death within it must of necessity be more or less gloomy and to a young and vigorous nature i lost no opportunity of giving lady whatever slight pleasures were in my power to procure for her distraction and entertainment costly flowers boxes for the opera and first nights at the play every sort of attention that a man can pay to a woman without being considered or i offered and was not everything well and towards the easy of my wishes i had no difficulties no troubles of any kind and i voluntarily led a life of absorbed personal the sorrows of satan i tion being commended and therein by a whole host of and interested court was mine and every newspaper in the kingdom had commented on the purchase in either i or my lawyers had warmly me on the possession of so admirable a property which they in strict accordance with what they conceived to be their duty had personally and approved th place was now in the hands of a firm of and recommended by and it was expected to be in perfect order for my habitation in early summer at which time i entertaining a large house party of more or less distinguished people meantime what i had once considered would be the great event of my life took place namely the publication of my book forth by the most it was at last launched on the uncertain and tide of public favour and special advance copies were sent to the office of every magazine and journal in london the day after this was done as i now familiarly called him came into my room with a mysterious and mischievous air he said i m going to lend you five hundred pounds i looked up with a smile what for he held out a towards me glancing at it i saw that the sum he mentioned was filled in and with his signature but that the name of the person to whom the money was to be made had not yet been written well what does it mean it means replied he that i am going to see mr this | 33 |
the day i took the book with me divided between a curious desire to read it honestly through with justice to it and its author and an impulse to tear it asunder and fling it into the road to be crushed in the mud under rolling cab and cart wheels in this strange humour found me when at about four o clock he returned from his mission to david smiling and triumphant congratulate me he exclaimed as he entered my room congratulate me and yourself i am the five hundred pound i showed you this morning has it then i said sullenly all right i much good may it do him and his charity gave me a quick observant glance why what has happened to you since we parted he inquired throwing off his overcoat and sitting down opposite to me you seem out of temper yet you ought to be a perfectly happy man for your highest ambition is about to be gratified you said you wished to make your book and your the sorrows of satan self the talk of london well within the next two or three weeks you will see yourself praised in a very large number of influential newspapers as the discovered genius of the day only a little way removed from shakespeare himself three of the big leading magazines are to say that and all this through the of mr and the trifling sum of five hundred pounds and are you not satisfied really my friend you are becoming difficult i warned you that too much good fortune spoils a man with a sudden movement i flung down s book before him look at this i said does she pay five hundred pounds to david s charity he took up the volume and glanced at it certainly not but then she gets not what does that matter i retorted the man from whom i bought this book says that everybody is reading it exactly and surveyed me with a curious expression half of pity half of amusement but you know the old my dear you may lead a horse to the water but you cannot make him drink which statement interpreted for the present occasion means that though certain log headed by our friend may drag the horse i e the public up to their own particularly prepared literary they cannot force it to swallow the mixture the horse frequently turns tail and runs away in search of its own it has done so in the case of miss when the public choose an author for themselves it is a dreadful thing of course for other authors but it really can t be helped why should they choose i demanded gloomily ah why indeed i he echoed would tell you they do it out of sheer the public would answer that they choose her because she has genius the sorrows of satan genius i repeated scornfully the public are perfectly incapable of such a quality you think so he said still smiling you really think so in that case it s very odd isn t it how everything that is truly great in art and literature becomes so widely known and honoured not only in this country but in every civilized land where people think or study you must remember that all the very famous men and women have been steadily written down in their day even to the late english who was for the most part in the purest it is only the who are ever written up it seems as if the stupid public really had a hand in selecting these great for the would never stand them at any price till driven to acknowledge them by the popular force but considering the barbarous want of culture and utter foolishness of the public what wonder at is that you should care to appeal to it at all i sat silent inwardly under his remarks i am afraid he resumed rising and taking a white flower from one of the on the table to pin in his that miss is going to be a thorn in your side my friend a man rival in literature is bad enough but a woman rival is too much to endure with any amount of patience however you may console yourself with the certainty that she will never get while you thanks to my tender of the sensitive and high will be the one delightful and unique discovery of the press for at least one month perhaps two which is about as long as any new star of the first magnitude lasts in the latter day literary skies shooting stars all of them such as poor old forgotten b sang of les qui qui et except i said the sorrows of satan true except and he laughed aloud a laugh that upon me because there was a note of mockery in it she is a small in the vast heavens or so it seems revolving very and smoothly in her own appointed but she is not and never will be attended by the brilliant flames that will burst round you my excellent fellow at the signal of i get over your jealous of a woman be ashamed is not woman the inferior creature and shall the mere of a feminine fame cause a five fold to his lofty spirit in the dust conquer your strange fit of the and join me at dinner he laughed again as he left the room and again his laughter irritated me when he had gone i gave way to the base and unworthy impulse that had for some minutes been within me and sitting down at my writing table a hasty note to the editor of a rather powerful magazine a man | 33 |
whom i had formerly known and worked for he was aware of my altered fortunes and the influential position i now occupied and i felt confident he would be glad to oblige me in any matter if he could my letter marked private and contained the request that i might be permitted to write for his next number an review of the new novel entitled differences by xvi it is almost impossible for me to describe the feverish irritated and contradictory state of mind in which i now began to pass my days with the absolute of my fortunes my became more than the wind and i was never absolutely contented for two hours together i joined in every sort of common to men of the day who with the usual of plunged into the the sorrows of satan of life merely because to be morally dirty was also at the moment fashionable and much applauded by society i solely for the reason that gambling was considered by many leaders of the upper ten as of and showing i hate a fellow who losing a few pounds at play said one of these distinguished to me once it shows such a and disposition guided by this new morality and wishing to avoid the possibility of being called cowardly and i indulged in and other games almost every night willingly losing the few pounds which in my case meant a few hundreds for the sake of my occasional which placed a number of noble and blue blooded in my power for debts of honour which are supposed to be more strictly attended to and more paid than any debts in the world but which as far as i am concerned are still owing i also heavily on everything that could be made the subject of a bet and not to be behind my in style and knowledge of the world i frequented low houses and allowed a few half brandy soaked dancers and vulgar music hall to get a couple of thousand ix worth of jewels out of me because this sort of thing was called seeing life and was deemed part of a gentleman s diversion heavens what beasts we all were i and my aristocratic boon companions what utterly worthless useless and yet we associated with the best and the highest in the land the fairest and noblest ladies in london received us in their houses with smiles and whose presence with vice we young men of fashion whom if he had known our lives as they were an earnest working patiently for daily bread might have upon in contempt and indignation that such low should be permitted to burden the earth sometimes but very seldom prince joined our gambling and music hall parties and on such occasions i noticed that the sorrows of satan he as it were let himself go and became the wildest of us all but though wild he was never coarse as we were his deep and mellow laughter had a richness in it that was totally unlike the donkey s of our mirth his manners were never vulgar and his discourse on men and things now witty and now serious almost to pathos strangely affected many of those who heard him talk myself most of all once i remember when we were returning late from some foolish i with three young sons of english and walking beside us we came upon a poorly clad girl sobbing and clinging to the iron railing outside a closed church door o god she o dear god i do help me one of my companions seized her by the arm with a jest when all at once stepped between leave her alone he said sternly let her find god if she can the girl looked up at him terrified her eyes streaming with tears and he dropped two or three gold pieces into h r hand she broke out crying afresh oh god bless you i she cried wildly god bless you he raised his hat and stood uncovered in the moonlight his dark beauty softened by a strangely wistful expression i thank you he said simply you make me your and he passed on we followed somewhat subdued and silenced though one of my friends you paid dearly for that blessing he said you gave her three sovereigns by jove i d have had something more than a blessing if i had been you no doubt returned you deserve more much more i hope you will get it a blessing would be of no advantage whatever to you is to me how often i have thought of this incident since i was too dense to attach either meaning or importance to it then self the sorrows of satan absorbed as i was i paid no attention to circumstances which seemed to have no connection with my own life and affairs and in all my and so called amusements a perpetual restlessness consumed me i obtained no real satisfaction out of anything except my slow and somewhat courtship of lady she was a strange girl she knew my intentions towards her well enough yet she affected not to know each time i ventured to treat her with more than the usual deference and to something of the of a lover into my looks or manner she feigned surprise i wonder why it is that some women are so fond of playing the in love their own instinct teaches them when men are but unless they can run the fox to earth or in other words reduce their to the lowest pitch of appeal and force them to such that the poor passion driven fools are ready to fling away life and even honour dearer than life for their their vanity is not sufficiently gratified but who or what am i that i | 33 |
should judge of vanity i whose and self approbation was of such a character that it blinded me to the perception and comprehension of everything in which my own was not represented and yet with all the morbid interest took in myself my surroundings my comfort my social advancement there was one thing which soon became a torture to me a veritable despair and and this strange to say was the very triumph i had most looked forward to as the crown and summit of all my ambitious dreams my book the book i had presumed to consider a work of genius when it was launched on the tide of and criticism resolved itself into a sort of literary monster that haunted my days and nights with its presence the thick black lying scattered by my at me with an offensive in every paper i casually opened and the praise of the the exaggerated preposterous boom good god how sickening it was how every epithet of flattery bestowed upon me filled me tn the sorrows of satan with disgust and one day when i took up a leading magazine and saw a long article upon the extraordinary brilliancy and promise of my book comparing me to a new and shakespeare combined with the signature of david to it i could have that and assuredly purchased within an inch of his life the chorus of was well nigh universal i was the genius of the day the hope of the future generation i was the book of the month the greatest the most brilliant that had ever honoured a pot of ink by using it of course i figured as s discovery five hundred pounds bestowed on his mysterious charity had so sharpened his that he had perceived me shining brightly on the literary horizon before anyone else had done so the press followed his lead for though the press the english press at least is distinctly the owners of newspapers are not insensible to the advantages of largely paying moreover when mr announced me as his find in the style which distinguished him some other literary gentlemen came forward and wrote effective articles about me and sent me their carefully marked i took the hint wrote at once to thank them and invited them to dinner they came and with and myself one of them wrote an to me afterwards and at the conclusion of the we sent two of the home considerably overcome by champagne in a carriage with to look after them and help them out at their own doors and my boom expanded london talked as i had said it should the growling monster metropolis discussed me and my work in its own independent and peculiar fashion the upper ten to the and made a couple of hundred copies do for all demands by the simple expedient of keeping waiting five or six weeks till they grew tired of asking for the book and forgot all about it apart from the the public did the sorrows of satan not take me up from the glowing that appeared in all the papers it might have been supposed that everybody who was anybody was reading my wonderful production such however was not the case people spoke of me as the great but they were indifferent to the bid i had made for literary fame the remark they usually made to me wherever i went was you have written a novel haven t you what an odd thing for you to do this with a laugh i haven t read it i ve so little time i must ask for it at the library of course a great many never did ask not it worth their while and i whose money combined with the influence of had started the favourable that the press found out that the majority of the public never read at all hence my review of s book made no effect whatever on her popularity though it appeared in the most prominent manner it was a sheer waste of labour for everywhere this woman author was still looked upon as a creature of altogether finer clay than ordinary and still her book was eagerly devoured and questioned and admired and still it sold by thousands despite a lack of all favourable criticism or prominent advertisement no one guessed that i had written what i am now perfectly willing to admit was a wanton of her work no one except the magazine in which it appeared was a notable one in every club and library and he taking it up casually one afternoon turned to that article at once you wrote this he said fixing his eyes upon me it must have been a great relief to your mind i i said nothing he read on in silence for a little then laying down the magazine looked at me with a curiously expression there are some human beings so constituted he said that if they had been with in the ark according to the i i o the sorrows of satan silly old legend they would have shot the dove bearing the olive leaf directly it came in sight over the waste of waters you are of that type i do not see the force of your comparison i murmured do you not why what harm has this done to you your positions are entirely opposed you are a she is a hard working woman dependent on her literary success for a and you rolling in wealth do your best to deprive her of the means of existence does this to your credit she has won her fame by her own brain and energy alone and even if you dislike her book need you abuse her personally as you have done in this article you | 33 |
do not know her you have never seen her i hate women who write i said vehemently why because they are able to exist would you have them all the slaves of man s lust or convenience my dear you are unreasonable if you admit that you are jealous of this woman s and grudge it to her then i can understand your spite for jealousy is capable of a fellow creature with either the dagger or the pen i was silent is the book such wretched stuff as you make it out to be he asked presently i suppose some people might admire it i said i do not this was a lie and of course he knew it was a lie the work of had excited my most passionate envy while the very fact that had read her book before she had thought of looking at mine had the bitterness of my feelings well said at last smiling as he finished reading my all i can say is that this will not touch in the least you have the mark my friend her public will simply cry what a the sorrows of satan i i shame and for her work more than ever and as for the woman herself she has a merry heart and she will laugh at it you must see her some day i don t want to see her i said probably not but you will scarcely be able to avoid doing so when you live at court one is not obliged to know everybody in the neighbourhood i observed laughed aloud how well you carry your fortunes he said for a poor devil of a street hack who lately was at a loss for a sovereign how perfectly you follow the fashions of your time if there is one man more than another that moves me to wondering admiration it is he who his wealth in the face of his fellows and who himself in this world as though he could bribe death and purchase the good will creator it is such splendid such i pride now i though myself so curiously constituted that i cannot wear my bank notes in my countenance as it were i have put in a claim for intellect as well as gold and sometimes do you know in my travels round the world i have been so far honoured as to be taken for quite a poor man now you will never have that chance again you are rich and you look it and you i interrupted him suddenly and with some warmth do you know what you look you imply that i assert my wealth in my face do you know assert in your every glance and gesture i cannot imagine he said smiling contempt for us all i said contempt even for me whom you call friend i tell you the truth there are times when in spite of our intimacy i feel that you despise me i you do you have an extraordinary personality united to extraordinary talents you must not however expect all men to be as self and as indifferent to human passions as yourself i i the sorrows of satan he gave me a swift searching glance expect he echoed my good fellow i expect nothing at all from men they on the contrary at least all those know expect everything from me and they get it generally as for you have i not said that i admire you i do i think there is something positively in the brilliant progress of your fame and rapid social success my fame i repeated bitterly how has it been obtained what is it worth that is not the question he retorted with a little smile how unpleasant it must be for you to have these of conscience of course no fame is actually worth much now a days because it is not classic fame strong in old world dignity it is noisy merely but yours such as it is is perfectly legitimate judged by its common sense commercial aspect which is the only aspect in which anyone looks at anything you must bear in mind that no one works out of in the present age no matter how purely benevolent an action may appear on the surface self lies at the bottom of it once grasp this fact and you will perceive that nothing could be fairer or more straightforward than the way you have obtained your fame you have not bought the british press you could not do that that is impossible for it is and stiffly all over with honourable principles there is no english paper existing that would accept a for the of a notice or a paragraph not one his eyes merrily then he went on no it is only the foreign press that is corrupt so the british press says john bull looks on aghast at who in dire stress of poverty will actually earn a little extra pay for writing something or somebody up or down thank heaven he no such his are the very soul of and will on a pound a week rather the sorrows of satan than take ten for a casual job to oblige a friend do you know when the judgment day arrives who will be among the first saints to ascend to heaven with the sounding of trumpets i shook my head half vexed half amused all the english not foreign and said with an air of pious rapture and why because they are so good so just so their foreign brethren will be reserved for the eternal dance of devils of course the will pace the golden streets singing i assure you i consider british generally the noblest examples of in the world they come next | 33 |
to the clergy as representatives of virtue and of the three counsels voluntary poverty and obedience such mockery glittered in his eyes that the light in them might have been the reflection of steel be consoled he resumed your fame is won you have simply through me approached one critic who writes in about twenty newspapers and influences others to write in other twenty that critic being a noble creature all critics are noble creatures has a pet society for the relief of authors in need a noble scheme you will own and to this charity i out of pure benevolence five hundred pounds moved by my generosity and consideration particularly as i do not ask what becomes of the five me in a little matter the of the papers for which he writes accept him as a wise and witty personage they know nothing about the charity or the it is not necessary for them to know the whole thing is really quite a reasonable business arrangement it is only a self like you who would stop to think of such a trifle a second time if really and admired my book for itself i began why should you imagine he does not asked i the sorrows of satan myself i believe that he is a perfectly sincere and honorable man i think he means all he says and writes i consider that if he had found your work not worthy of his he would have sent me back that for five hundred pounds torn across in a noble scorn and with this throwing himself back in his chair he laughed till the tears came into his eyes but i could not laugh i was too weary and depressed a heavy sense of despair was on my mind i felt that the hope which had cheered me in my days of poverty the hope of winning real fame so widely different a thing to had vanished there was some quality in the subtle glory which could not be won by either purchase or influence the praise of the press could not give it working for her bread had it i with millions of money had not like a fool i had thought to buy it i had yet to learn that all the best greatest purest and things in life are beyond all market value and that the gifts of the gods are not for sale about a fortnight after the publication of my book we went to court my comrade and i and were presented by a distinguished officer connected with the immediate and intimate surroundings of the royal household it was a brilliant scene enough but without doubt the most brilliant personage here was i was fairly startled at the stately and fascinating figure he made in his court suit of black velvet and steel ornaments accustomed as i was to his good looks i had never seen them so by dress as on this occasion i had been tolerably well satisfied with my own appearance in the costume till i saw him then my personal vanity suffered a decided shock and i realized that i merely served as a foil to show off and the superior attractions of my friend but i was not envious of him in any way on the contrary i openly expressed the admiration i frankly felt he seemed amused my dear boy it is all the sorrows of satan he said all sham and look at this and he drew his light court from its there is no real use in this blade it is merely an emblem of dead chivalry in old times if a man insulted you or insulted a woman you admired out flashed a shining point of tempered steel that could so and he threw himself into a attitude of grace and ease and you pricked the neatly through the ribs or arm and gave him cause to remember you but now and he thrust the back in its place men carry toys like these as a melancholy sign to show what bold fellows they were once and what they are now no more on themselves for protection but content to go about yelling police police at the least threat of injury to their worthless persons come it s time we started let us go and bow our heads before another human formed precisely like ourselves and so act in defiance of death and the deity who declare all men to be equal we entered our carriage and were soon on our way to st james s palace his royal the prince of wales is not exactly the creator of the universe said suddenly looking out of the window as we approached the line of on guard outside why no i i answered laughing what do you say that for because there is as much fuss about him as if he were in fact more the creator does not get half as much attention bestowed upon him as edward we never attire ourselves in any special way for entering the presence of god we don t put so much as a clean mind on but then i said indifferently god is non est and edward is he smiled and his eyes had a scornful gleam in their dark that is your opinion he well it is not the sorrows of satan original many choice spirits share it with you there is at least one good excuse for people who make no preparation to enter the presence of god in going to church which is called the house of god they do not find god at all they only discover the clergyman it is somewhat of a disappointment i had no time to reply as just then the carriage stopped and we alighted at | 33 |
the palace through the of the high court official who presented us we got a good place among the most distinguished and during our brief wait i was considerably amused by the study of their faces and attitudes some of the men looked nervous others conceited one or two radical themselves with an air as if they and they alone were to be honoured for allowing to hold these functions at all a few gentlemen had evidently their e dress in haste and carelessness for the pieces of paper in which their steel or gilt coat buttons had been wrapped by the tailor to prevent were still discovering this fortunately before it was too late they occupied themselves by taking off these papers and casting them on the floor an process at best and one that made them look singularly ridiculous and each man present turned to stare at his striking personality attracted universal attention when we at last entered the throne room and took our places in line was careful to arrange that my brilliant companion should go up before me as i had a strong desire to see what sort of an effect his appearance would produce on the royal party i had an excellent view of the prince of wales from where i myself waited he made an imposing and figure enough in full uniform with his various orders glittering on his broad breast and the singular resemblance discovered by many people in him to henry viii struck me more forcibly than i should have thought possible his face however expressed a far greater good humour than the pictured of the capricious but ever bluff king the sorrows of satan though on this occasion there was a certain shade of melancholy even on his brow which gave a firmer character to his naturally features a shadow as i fancied of weariness tempered with regret the look of one dissatisfied yet resigned a man of possibilities he seemed to me of defeated aims and will few of the other members of the royal family surrounding him on the possessed the remarkable attraction he had for any observant student of most of them were or assumed to be stiff military figures merely who bent their heads as each guest filed past with an regularity neither pleasure interest nor but the heir apparent to the greatest empire in the world expressed in his very attitude and looks an unaffected and courteous welcome to all surrounded as he was and as such in his position must ever be by who would never run the least risk to their own lives to serve him unless they could get something personally satisfactory out of him his presence impressed itself upon me as suggestive of but none the less resolute power i cannot even now explain the singular of mind that seized me as our turn to be presented arrived i saw my companion advance and heard the lord announce his name prince and then why then it seemed as if all the movement in the brilliant room suddenly came to a pause every eye was fixed on the stately form and noble countenance of my friend as he bowed with such and grace as made all other seem awkward by comparison for one moment he stood absolutely still in front of the royal facing the prince as though he sought to impress him with the fact of his presence there and across the broad stream of sunshine which had been pouring into the room throughout the ceremony there fell the sudden shadow of a passing cloud a fleeting impression of gloom and silence chilled the atmosphere a singular the sorrows of satan appeared to hold all eyes fixed on and not a man either going or coming moved this intense hush was brief as it was curious and impressive the prince of wales started slightly and gazed at the superb figure before him with an expression of eager curiosity and almost as if he were ready to break the bonds of etiquette and speak then himself with an evident effort he gave his usual dignified acknowledgment of s profound reverence whereupon my comrade passed on slightly smiling i followed next but naturally made no impression beyond the fact of exciting a smothered whisper from among the lesser who caught the name tempest and at once murmured the magic words five millions words which reached my ears and moved me to the usual weary contempt which was with me growing into a malady we were soon out of the palace and while waiting for our carriage in the covered court yard entrance i touched on the arm you made a veritable sensation did i he laughed you flatter me not at all why did you stop so long in front of the to please my humour he returned indifferently and partly to give his royal the chance of remembering me the next time he sees me but he seemed to recognise you i said have you met him before his eyes flashed often but i have never till now made a public appearance at st james s court costume and company manners make a difference to the looks of most men and i doubt yes i very much doubt whether even with his excellent memory for faces the prince really knew me to day for what i am the sorrows of satan xvii it must have been about a week or ten days after the e that i had the strange scene with i am about to relate a scene that left a painful impression on my mind and should have been sufficient to warn me of impending trouble to come had i not been too to accept any that ill to myself arriving at lord s house one evening and ascending the stairs to the | 33 |
as was now my usual custom and without ceremony i found there alone and in tears why what s the matter i exclaimed in a tone for i was on very friendly and familiar terms with the little american you of all people in the world having a private weep has our dear railway papa bust up she laughed a trifle not just yet you bet she answered lifting her wet eyes to mine and showing that mischief still sparkled brightly in them there s nothing wrong with the funds as far as i know i ve only had a well a sort of here with with yes and she rested the point of her little embroidered shoe on a and looked at it you see it s the at home to night and i m invited and s invited miss is knocked up with nursing the and i of course made sure that would go well she never said a word about it till she came down to dinner and then she asked me what time i wanted the carriage i said are you going too and she looked at me in that provoking way of hers you know a look that takes you in from your hair to your shoe edge and answered did you think it possible well i up and said of course i thought it possible why shouldn t it be possible she i the sorrows of satan looked at me in the same way again and said to the with you r now you know mr tempest that was real downright and more than i could stand so i just gave way to my mind look here i said though you are the daughter of an earl you needn t turn up your nose at mrs she isn t half bad i don t speak of her money but she s a real good sort and has a kind heart which it appears to me is more than you have mrs would never treat me as you do and then i choked i could have burst out in a regular yell if i hadn t thought the footman might be outside the door and smiled that patent ice smile of hers and asked would you prefer to live with mrs of course i told her no nothing would induce me to live i with mrs and then she said miss you pay my father for the protection and of his name and position in english social circles but the companionship of my father s daughter was not included in the bargain i have tried to make you understand as distinctly as i can that i will not be seen in society with you riot because i dislike you far from it but simply because people would say i was acting as your paid companion you force me to speak plainly and i am sorry if i offend as for mrs i have only met her once and she seemed to me very common and ill bred besides i do not care for the society of and with that she got up and sailed out and i heard her order the carriage for me at ten it s coming round directly and just look at my red eyes it s awfully hard on me i know old made his pile out of but is as good as anything else in the general market and it s all out now mr tempest and you can tell what i ve said if you like i know you re in love with her i stared bewildered by her and almost l outburst really miss i began formally oh yes miss miss it s all very well the sorrows of satan she repeated impatiently up a gorgeous evening cloak which i volunteered to put on an offer she as accepted i m only a girl and it isn t my fault if i ve got a vulgar man for a father who wants to see me married to an english nobleman before he dies that s his look out don t care about it english are a lot in my opinion but i ve as good a heart as anyone and could love if she d let me but she she leads the life of an ice and doesn t care a rap for anyone she doesn t care for you you know i wish she did she d be more human i m very sorry for all this i said smiling into the face of the really sweet natured girl and gently the clasp of her cloak at her throat but you mustn t mind it so much you are a dear little soul kind and generous and impulsive and all the rest of it but well english people are very apt to americans i can quite enter into your feelings still you know lady is very proud proud she interrupted my i guess it must feel something splendid to have an who was through the body on field and left there for the birds to eat it seems to give a kind of in the back to all the family ever afterwards shouldn t wonder if the descendants of the birds who ate him felt kinder stuck up about it too i laughed she laughed with me and was quite herself again if i told you my was a pilgrim father you wouldn t believe me i expect she said the corners of her mouth i should believe anything from your lips i declared gallantly well believe that then swallow it down if you can i can t he was a pilgrim father in the and he fell on his knees and thanked god as soon as he touched | 33 |
the sorrows of satan dry land in the true pilgrim father way but he couldn t hold a candle to the man at here we were interrupted by the entrance of a footman the carriage is waiting miss thanks all right good night mr tempest you d better send word to you are here lord is dining out but will be at home all the evening i offered her my arm and escorted her to the carriage feeling a little sorry for her as she drove off in solitary state to the crush of the successful she was a good girl a bright girl a true girl vulgar and at times yet on the whole sincere in her better qualities of character and sentiment and it was this very sincerity which being quite and not at all la mode was misunderstood and would always be misunderstood by the higher and therefore more polished circles of english society i returned to the drawing room slowly and telling one of the servants on my way to ask lady if she could see me for a few moments i was not kept waiting long i had only paced the room twice up and down when she entered looking so strangely wild and beautiful that i could scarcely forbear uttering an exclamation of wonder she wore white as was always her custom in the evenings her hair was less dressed than usual and clustered over her brow in loose masses her face was exceedingly pale and her eyes appeared larger and darker by comparison her smile was vague and fleeting like that of a she gave me her hand it was dry and burning my father is out she began i know but i came to see j w may i stay a little she murmured assent and sinking into a chair began to play with some roses in a on the table beside her you look tired lady i said gently are you not well the sorrows of satan i am quite well she answered but you are right in saying i am tired i am dreadfully tired you have been doing too much perhaps your attendance on your mother tries ou she laughed bitterly attendance on my mother pray do not credit me with so much devotion i never attend on my mother i cannot do it i am too much of a coward her face me and whenever i do venture to go near her she tries to speak with such dreadful such ghastly efforts as make her more hideous to look at than anyone can imagine i should die of fright if i saw her often as it is when i do see her i can scarcely stand and twice i have fainted with the horror of it to think of it that that living corpse with the fearful fixed eyes and distorted mouth should actually be my mother y she shuddered violently and her very lips as she spoke i was seriously concerned and told her so this must be very bad for your health i said drawing my chair closer to hers can you not get away for a change she looked at me in silence the expression of her eyes thrilled me strangely it was not tender or wistful but fierce passionate and commanding t saw miss for a few moments just now i resumed she seemed very unhappy she has nothing to be unhappy about said coldly except the time my mother takes in dying but she is young she can afford to wait a little for the is not may not this be a mistaken of yours i ventured to say gently whatever her faults i think the girl and loves you she smiled scornfully i want neither her love nor her admiration she said i ha e few women friends and those few are all n the sorrows of satan whom i when is my step mother we shall still be strangers i felt i was on delicate ground and that i could not continue the conversation without the risk of giving offence where is your friend asked suddenly apparently to change the subject why does he so seldom come here now rim well he is a very queer fellow and at times takes an for all society he frequently meets your father at the club and i suppose his reason for not coming here is that he hates women all women she with a little smile without exception then he hates me i did not say that i answered quickly no one could hate you lady but truly as far as prince is concerned i expect he does not his aversion to which is his malady even for you so he will never marry she said i laughed oh never that you may be quite sure of still playing with the roses near her she into silence her breath came and went quickly i saw her long quiver against the pale rose leaf tint of her cheeks the pure outline of her delicate suggested to my mind one of s meditative saints or angels all at once while i yet watched her she suddenly sprang erect crushing a rose in her hand her head thrown back her eyes flashing her whole frame trembling oh i cannot bear it she cried wildly i cannot bear it i started up astonished and confronted her oh why don t you speak and fill up the measure of my degradation she went on passionately why don t you tell as you tell my father your purpose in coming here the sorrows of satan why don t you say to as you say to him that your sovereign choice has fastened upon me that i am the woman out of all the world you have elected to marry look at | 33 |
with a wholesome pang of humiliation the book is worthless as literature it is only tl e boom of a season she went on her eyes darkening with the intensity of her feeling you have not your pen with the common to many of the authors of the day i ask you do you think a girl can read the books that are now freely published and that her silly society friends tell her to read because it is so dreadfully queer r and yet remain and innocent books that go into the details of the lives of that explain and the secret vices of men that advocate almost as a sacred duty free love and universal that see no shame in the sorrows of satan introducing into the circles of good wives and pure minded girls a heroine who boldly seeks out a man any man in order that she may have a child by him without the degradation of marrying him i have read all those books and what can you expect of me not innocence surely i despise men i despise my own sex i myself for being a woman ij you wonder at my for it is only because for a time her books give me back my self respect and make me see humanity in a nobler light because she to me if only for an hour a kind of glimmering belief in god so that my mind feels refreshed and all the same you must not look upon me as an innocent young girl a girl such as the great poets and sang of i am a creature trained to perfection in the morals and literature of my day i looked at her in silence pained startled and with a sense of shock as though something pure and precious had into dust at my feet she rose and began pacing the room moving to and fro with a slow yet fierce grace that reminded me against my wish and will of the movement of some imprisoned and savage beast of prey you shall not be deceived in me she said pausing a moment and me if you marry me you must do so with a full of the choice you make for with such wealth as yours you can of course wed any woman you fancy i do not say you could find a girl better than i am i do not think you could in my set because we are all alike all with the same brush and filled with the same merely and views of life and its as the admired of the society novels we read away in the provinces among the middle classes it is possible you might discover a really good girl of the purest blush rose innocence but then you might also find her stupid and un entertaining and you would not care for that my chief recommendation is that i am the sorrows of satan beautiful you can see that everybody can see that and i am not so affected as to pretend to be unconscious of the fact there is no sham about my external appearance my hair is not a wig my complexion is natural my figure is not the result of the maker s art my eyebrows and are oh yes you can be sure that the beauty of my body is quite genuine but it is not the outward expression of an equally beautiful soul and this is what i want you to understand i am passionate impetuous frequently and inclined to and melancholy and i confess i have or unconsciously that complete contempt of life and in a god which is the chief theme of nearly all the social of the time she ceased and i gazed at her with an odd sense of mingled worship and even as a might gaze at an idol whom he still loved but whom he could no longer believe in as divine yet what she said was in no way contrary to my own theories how then could i complain i did not believe in a god why should i feel regret that she shared my i had involuntarily clung to the old fashioned idea that religious faith was a sacred duty in womanhood i was not able to offer any reason for this notion unless it was the romantic fancy of having a good woman to pray for one if one had no time and less inclination to pray for one s self however it was evident was advanced enough to do without superstitious she would never pray for me and if we had children she would never teach them to make their first tender appeals to heaven for my sake or hers i smothered a slight sigh and was about to speak when she came up to me and laid her two hands on my shoulders you look unhappy she said in accents be consoled it is not too late for you to change your mind i met the questioning glance of her eyes beautiful eyes as clear and pure as light itself the sorrows of satan i shall never change i answered i love you i shall always love you but i wish you would not yourself so you have such strange ideas you think them strange she said you should not in these new women days i believe that thanks to newspapers magazines and novels i am in all respects eminently fitted to be a wife and she laughed bitterly there is nothing in the of marriage that i do not know though i am not yet twenty i have been prepared for a long time to be sold to the highest and what few silly notions i had about | 33 |
love the love of the poets and when i was a dreamy child at are all dispersed and ended ideal love is dead and worse than dead being out of fashion carefully instructed as i have been in the of everything but money you can scarcely be surprised at my speaking of myself as an object of sale marriage for me is a sale as far as my father is concerned for you know well enough that however much you loved me or i loved you he would never allow me to marry you if you were not rich and richer than most men i want you to feel that i fully recognise the nature of the bargain struck and i ask you not to expect a girl s fresh confiding love from a woman as in heart and mind as i am i said earnestly you wrong yourself i am sure you wrong yourself you are one of those who can be m the world yet not it your mind is too open and pure to be even by contact with evil things i will believe nothing you say against your own sweet and noble character and let me again ask you not to distress me by this constant on the subject of my wealth or i shall be inclined to look upon it as a curse i should love you as much if i were poor oh you might love me she interrupted me with a strange smile but you would not dare to say so i was silent suddenly she laughed and linked her arms round my neck the sorrows of satan there she said i have finished my discourse my bit of or whatever other affects me and we need not be miserable about it i have said what was in my mind i have told you tlie truth that in heart i am neither young nor innocent but am no worse than all my set so perhaps you had better make the best of me i please your fancy do i not my love for you cannot be so lightly expressed i answered in rather a pained tone never mind it is my humour so to express it she went on i please your fancy and you wish to marry me well now all i ask is go to my father and buy me at once conclude the bargain and when you have bought me don t look so tragic and she laughed again and when you have paid the clergyman and paid the with or and paid the guests with wedding cake and champagne and cleared up all scores with everybody even to the last man who the door of the will you take me away far away from this place this house where my mother s face haunts me like a ghost in the darkness where i am tortured by terrors night and day where i hear such strange sounds and dream of such ghastly things here her voice suddenly broke and she hid her face against my breast oh yes take me away as quickly as possible let us never live in hateful london but at i may find some of the old joys there and some of the happy days touched by the appealing pathos of her accents i pressed her to my heart feeling that she was scarcely for the strange things she said in her evidently and condition it shall be as you wish my darling i said the sooner i have you all to myself the better this is the end of march will you be ready to marry me in june yes she answered still hiding her face the sorrows of satan and now i went on remember there must be no more talk of money and tell me what you have not yet told me that you love me and would love me even if i were poor she looked up and full into ny eyes i cannot tell you that she said i have told you i do not believe in love and if you were poor i certainly should not marry you it would be no use you are frank it is best to be frank is it not and she drew a flower from the knot at her bosom and began it in my coat what is the good of pretence you would hate to be poor and so should i i do not understand the to love now and then when i read a book by i believe love may exist but when i close the book my belief is shut up with it so do not ask for what is not in me i am willing even glad to marry you that is all you must expect all i exclaimed with a sudden mingling of love and wrath in my blood as i closed my arms about her and kissed her passionately all you ice flower it is not all you shall melt to my touch and learn what love is do not think you can escape its influence you dear foolish beautiful child your passions are asleep they must wake for you she resting her head back against my shoulder and gazing up at me with a dreamy radiance in her lovely eyes she laughed oh bid me love and i will love she softly under her breath you will you must you shall i said i will be your master in the art of loving it is a difficult art she said i am afraid it will take a life time to complete my training even with my master the sorrows of satan and a smile still lingered in her eyes giving them a when i kissed her again and bade her good night | 33 |
you will tell prince the news she said if you wish it of course i wish it tell him at once i should like him to know i went down the stairs she leaned over the looking after me good night she called softly good night be sure you tell prince her white figure disappeared and i walked out of the house in a state of mind divided between pride ecstasy and pain the engaged husband of an earl s daughter the lover of a woman who had declared herself incapable of love and destitute of faith xviii looking back through the space of only three years to this particular period of my life i can remember distinctly the singular expression of s face when i told him that had accepted me his sudden smile gave a light to his eyes that i had never seen in them before a brilliant yet sinister glow strangely suggestive of some inwardly suppressed wrath and scorn while i spoke he was to my vexation with that favourite of his the insect and it annoyed me beyond measure to see the repulsive with which the glittering bat like creature clung to his hand women are all alike he said with a hard laugh when he had heard my news few of them have moral force enough to resist that temptation of a rich marriage i was irritated at this the sorrows of satan it is scarcely fair of you to judge everything by the i said then after a little pause added what in my own heart i knew to be a lie she loves me for myself alone his glance flashed over me like lightning oh sets the wind in that quarter why then my dear i congratulate you more heartily than ever to conquer the affections of one of the girls in england and win her love so completely as to be sure she would marry you even if you had not a sou to bless yourself with this is a victory indeed and one of which you may well be proud again and yet again i congratulate you tossing the horrible thing he called his off to fly on one of its slow humming round the room he shook my hand fervently still smiling and i feeling instinctively that he was as fully aware of the truth as i was namely that had i been a poor author with nothing but what i could earn by my brains the lady would never have looked at me much less agreed to marry me kept silence lest i should openly betray the reality of my position you see he went on with a cheerful i was not aware that any old world romance the disposition of one so apparently as your beautiful to love for love s sake only is becoming really an virtue i thought lady was an essentially modern woman conscious of her position and the necessity there was for holding that position proudly before the world at all costs and that the pretty pastoral sentiments of poetical and had no place in her nature i was wrong it seems and for once i have been mistaken in the fair sex here he stretched out his hand to the that now came its way back and settled at once on its usual resting place my friend i assure you if you have won a true woman s true love you have a far greater fortune than your millions a treasure that none can afford to despise the sorrows of satan his voice softened his eyes grew dreamy and less scornful and i looked at him in some astonishment why i thought you hated women so i do he replied quickly but do not forget why i hate them it is because they have all the world s possibilities of good in their hands and the majority of them deliberately turn these possibilities to evil men are influenced entirely by women though few of them will own it through women they are lifted to heaven or driven to hell the latter is the favourite course and the one almost universally adopted his brow darkened and the lines round his proud mouth grew hard and stern i watched him for a moment then with sudden i said put that abominable of yours away will you i hate to see you with it what my poor egyptian princess he exclaimed with a laugh why so cruel to her if you had lived in her day you might have been one of her lovers she was no doubt a charming person i find her charming still however to oblige you and here placing the insect in its crystal he carried it away to the other end of the room then returning towards me slowly he said who knows what the suffered as a woman perhaps she made a rich marriage and repented it at i am sure she is much happier in her present condition i have no sympathy with such a ghastly fancy i said abruptly i only know that she or is a perfectly object to me well some souls are objects to look at he declared when they are deprived of their respectable two legged covering it is extraordinary what a change the inexorable law of nature makes in them what nonsense you talk i said impatiently how can you know anything about it o the sorrows of satan a sudden shadow passed over his face giving it a strange and have you forgotten he said in deliberately measured accents that your friend john when he wrote that letter of introduction i brought from him to you told you in it that in all matters scientific i was an absolute master in these matters scientific you have | 33 |
not tested my skill yet you ask how can i know i answer that i do know many things of which you are ignorant do not presume too much on your own intellectual my friend lest i prove it naught lest i to you beyond all possibility of doubt that the and of that change you call death are only so many of new life which you must live whether you will or no somewhat abashed by his words and still more by his manner i said pardon me i spoke in haste of course but you know my theories most thoroughly and he laughed with an immediate of his old manner his own theory is the fashionable motto of the hour each little tells you that he has his own idea of god and equally his own idea of the devil it is very droll but let us return to the theme of love i feel i have not congratulated you half enough for surely fortune you singularly out of the mass of vain and frivolous you have secured a unique example of beauty truth and purity a woman who apart from all self interest and worldly advantage you with five millions for yourself alone the prettiest poem in the world could be made out of such an exquisitely innocent maiden type you are one of the men alive in fact you have nothing more to wish for i did not contradict him though in my own mind i felt that the circumstances of my engagement left much to be the sorrows of satan desired i who at religion wished it had formed part of the character of my future i who sneered at sentiment for some expression of it in the woman whose beauty attracted my desires however i smothered all the of my own conscience and accepted what each day of my idle and useless life brought me without considering future consequences the papers soon had the news that a marriage has been arranged and will shortly take place between only daughter of the earl of and tempest the famous not famous author mark you though i was still being loudly my could offer me no consolation as to my chances of winning and keeping a steady future fame the tenth edition of my book was announced but we had not actually disposed of more than two thousand copies including a one volume issue which had been hastily thrust on the market and the work i had so and differences by was in its thousand i commented on this with some anger to who was at my complaint dear me mr tempest you are not the only writer who has been by the press and who nevertheless does not sell he exclaimed no one can account for the of the public they are entirely beyond the most cautious s control or calculation miss is a sore subject to many authors besides yourself she always takes and no one can help it i with you in the matter heartily but i am not to blame at the are all with you their praise has been almost unanimous now s differences though to my thinking a very brilliant and powerful book has been literally cut to pieces whenever it has been noticed at all and yet the public go for her and don t go for you it isn t my fault you see people have got education now and i m afraid they begin to criticism preferring to form their own independent o the sorrows of satan opinions if this is so of course it will be a terrible thing because the most carefully organized in the world will be powerless everything has been done for you that can be done mr tempest i am sure i regret as much as yourself that the result has not been all you expected or desired would not care so much for the public approval the applause of such as you have obtained would be more than sufficient for them i laughed bitterly the applause of i thought i knew something of the way in which such applause was won almost i began to hate my millions golden that could only secure me the flattery of fair weather friends and that could not give me fame such fame as has sometimes been grasped in a moment by a starving and neglected genius who in the very arms of death in the world one day in a fit of disappointment and i said to you have not kept all your promises my friend i you told me you could give me fame he looked at me curiously did i well and are you not famous no i am merely notorious i retorted he smiled the word fame my good traced to its origin means a breath the breath of popular you have that for your wealth but not for my work you have the praise of the what is that worth everything he answered smiling in the own opinion i was silent you speak of work he went on now the nature of work i cannot exactly express because it is a divine thing and is judged by a divine standard one must consider in all work two things first the object for which it is undertaken and the sorrows of satan secondly the way in which it is performed all work should have a high and unselfish intent without this it and is not considered work at all not at least by the eternal judges invisible if it t s work truly and nobly done in every sense of the word it carries with it its own reward and the descend from heaven shaped ready for wearing no | 33 |
earthly power can bestow them i cannot give you aa fame but i have secured you a very fair imitation of it i was obliged to though more or less i saw that he was somewhat amused unwilling to his contempt i said no more concerning the subject that was the to my heart and wore out many sleepless hours at night in trying to write a new book something novel and daring such as should force the public to credit me with a little s than that obtained by the possession of a huge account but the faculty seemed dead in me i was crushed by a sense of and failure vague ideas were in my brain that would not lend themselves to expression in words and such a love of controlled me that after a miserably nervous analysis of every page i wrote i tore it up as soon as it was written thus myself to a state of mind that was almost early in april i made my first visit to having received information from the head of the firm of and employed there that their work was close on completion and that they would be glad of a visit of inspection from me and i went down together for the day and as the train rushed through a green and smiling landscape bearing us away from the smoke dirt and noise of the restless modern i was conscious of a gradually deepening peace and pleasure the first sight of the place i had purchased without so much as looking at it filled me with delight and admiration it was a beautiful old house english and suggestive of home happiness ivy and clung to its red walls and picturesque o ft io the sorrows of satan through the long vista of the exquisitely wooded grounds the silver gleam of the river could be discerned twisting in and out like a ribbon tied in true love knots the trees and shrubs were forth in all their fresh spring beauty the aspect of the country was bright and soothing and i began to feel as if a burden had been suddenly lifted from my life leaving me free to breathe and enjoy my liberty i strolled from room to room of my future abode admiring the taste and skill with which the whole place had been fitted and furnished down to the smallest detail of elegance comfort and convenience here my was born i thought with a lover like tenderness here she would dwell again as my wife amid the lovely and beloved surroundings of her childhood and we should be happy yes we should be happy despite all the dull and heartless social doctrines of the modem world in the spacious and beautiful drawing room i stopped to look out from the windows on the view of lawn and that stretched before me and as i looked a warm sense of gratitude and affection filled me for the friend to whose good offices i owed this fair domain turning i grasped him by the hand it is all your doing i said i feel i can never thank you enough without you i should perhaps never have met i might never have heard of her or of and i never could have been as happy as i am to day oh you are happy then he with a little smile i fancied you were not well i have not been as happy as i expected to be i confessed something in my sudden accession to wealth seems to have dragged me down rather than lifted me up it is strange it is not strange at all he interrupted on the contrary it is very natural as a rule the most miserable people in the world are the rich are you miserable for instance i asked smiling the sorrows of satan his eyes rested on me with a dark and dreary pathos are you too blind to see that i am he answered his accents with intense melancholy can you think i am happy does the smile i wear the smile men put on as a mask to hide their secret agonies from the pitiless gaze of fellow creatures persuade you that i am free from care as for my wealth i have never told you the extent of it if i did it might indeed you though i believe it would not now arouse your envy considering that your trifling five millions have not been without effect in your mind but i i could buy up and be none the poorer i could throne and kings and be none the wiser i could crush whole countries under the iron heel of financial speculation i could possess the world and yet estimate it at no higher value than i do now the value of a grain of dust through or a soap blown on the wind his brows his face expressed pride scorn and sorrow there is some mystery about you i said some grief or loss that your wealth cannot repair and that makes you the strange being you are one day perhaps you will confide in me he laughed loudly almost fiercely and clapped me heavily on the shoulder i will he said i will tell you my history and you excellent as you are shall minister to a mind and pluck out the memory of a rooted sorrow what a power of expression there was in shakespeare the but actual king of england not the rooted sorrow alone was to be plucked out but the very memory of it the apparently simple line holds complex wisdom no doubt the poet knew or instinctively guessed the most fact in all the universe and what is that the sorrows | 33 |
of satan the eternal consciousness of memory he replied god can not forget and in consequence of this his creatures may not i to reply but i suppose my face betrayed my thoughts for the cynical smile i knew so well played round his mouth as he looked at me i go beyond your patience do i not he said laughing again when i mention god who is declared by certain to be non except as a blind indifferent natural force or you are bored i can see that at a glance pray forgive me let us resume our tour of inspection through this charming abode you will be very difficult to satisfy if you are not a very emperor of contentment here with a beautiful wife and plenty of cash you can well afford to give fame the go by i may win it yet i said in this place i feel i could write something worthy of being written good the divine of winged thoughts are in your brain grant them strength to fly and now let us have luncheon afterwards we shall have time to take a stroll in the dining room i found an elegant prepared which rather surprised me as i had given no orders having indeed forgotten to do so however had it appeared not forgotten and an advance from him had placed certain at on their with the result that we sat down to a feast as delicate and luxurious as any two could desire now i want you to do me a favour said during our luncheon you will scarcely need to reside here till after your marriage you have too many engagements in town you spoke of entertaining a big house party down here i wouldn t do that if i were you it isn t worth while you would have to get in a staff of servants and leave them all afterwards to their own devices while you are on your this is what i propose give a grand here the sorrows of satan in honour of your to lady in may and let me be the master of the i was in the mood to agree to anything moreover the idea seemed an excellent one i said so and went on quickly you understand of course that if i undertake to do a thing i always do it thoroughly and brook no interference with my plans now as your marriage will be the signal for our parting at any rate for a time i should like to show my appreciation of your friendship by a brilliant affair of the kind i suggest and if you will leave it all to me i you shall hold such a te as has never been seen or known in england and it will be a personal satisfaction to me if you consent to my proposal my dear fellow i answered of course i consent willingly i give you do as you like do all you like it is most friendly and kind of you but when are we to make this sensation you are to be married in june he asked yes in the second week of the month very well the shall be held on the twenty second of may that will give society time to recover from the effect of one burst of splendour in order to be ready for another namely the wedding now we need not talk of this any more it is settled the rest on me got three or four hours to spare before we take the train back to town suppose we take a through the grounds i assented to this and accompanied him readily feeling in high spirits and good humour and its peaceful loveliness seemed to my mind of all influences the blessed silence of the woods and hills after the rush and roar of town life soothed and cheered me and i walked beside my companion with a light heart and smiling face happy and filled with a dim religious faith in the blue sky if not in the god beyond it we through the gardens which were now mine and then out through the the sorrows of satan park into a lovely little lane a true lane where the were the grass with their bright gold and the star thrust up fairy of white bloom between and and where the were beginning to show themselves like minute snow among the glossy young green a a lark rose from almost our very feet and flung itself into the sky with a wild outburst of song a robin through a little hole in the hedge to look at us in as we passed all at once stopped and laid his hand on my shoulder his eyes had the beautiful melancholy of a far off longing which i could neither understand nor define listen he said listen to the silence of the earth while the lark sings have you ever observed the attitude in which nature seems to wait for sounds divine i did not answer the silence around us was indeed impressive the of the had ceased and only the lark s clear voice over head echoed sweetly through the stillness of the lane in the heaven went on there are no birds there are only conceited human souls forth no flowers are included no trees only golden streets what a poor and barbarous conception as if a world inhabited by deity would not contain the wonders graces and beauties of all worlds even this little planet is more naturally beautiful than the heaven that is it is beautiful wherever man is not i protest i have always protested against the creation of man i laughed you protest against your | 33 |
own existence then i said his eyes darkened slowly to a sombre brooding blackness when the sea and itself in anger on the shore it its prey mankind it seeks to wash the fair earth the sorrows of satan clean of the insect that troubles the planet s peace it the creature when it can with the aid of its s comrade the wind when the thunder down a second after the lightning does it not seem to you that the very clouds combine in the holy war the war against god s one mistake the making of humanity the effort to sweep it out of the universe as one a weak expression in an otherwise perfect poem you and i for example are the only in to day s harmony we are not particularly grateful for life we certainly are not content with it we have not the innocence of a bird or a flower we have more knowledge you will say but how can we be sure of that our wisdom came from the devil in the first place according to the legend of the tree of knowledge the fruit of which taught both good and evil but which still apparently man to evil rather than good and leads him on to a considerable amount of besides for he has an idea he will be immortal as a god in the hereafter ye majestic heavens what an fate for a grain of worthless dust a such as he well have no ideas of immortality i said i have told you that often this life is enough for me i want and expect no other aye but if there were another answered fixing me with a steady look and if you were not asked your opinion about it but simply plunged headlong into a state of terrible consciousness of which you would rather not be oh come i said impatiently do not let us i am happy to day my heart is as light as that of the bird singing in the sky i am in the very best of and could not say an unkind word to my worst enemy he smiled is that your humour and he took me by the arm then there could be no better opportunity for showing you this pretty little corner of the world and walking on a few i the sorrows of satan yards he turned me down a narrow path leading from the lane and brought me face to face with a lovely old cottage almost buried in the green of the young spring and surrounded by an open fence overgrown with and sweet keep firm hold over your temper and maintain the tranquillity of your mind i here dwells the woman whose name and fame you hate xix the blood rushed to my face and i stopped abruptly let us go back i said because i do not know miss and do not want to know her literary women are my they are always more or less you are thinking of the new women i suppose but you flatter them they never had any sex to lose the creatures who their as in and who write freely on subjects which men would hesitate to name are unnatural of no sex is not one of them she is an young woman the is but you did not object to her on that score on the contrary i believe you have shown your appreciation of her talents by spending a considerable amount of cash upon her that s not a fair comparison i answered hotly amused me for a time and was not your rival in art said with a little malicious smile i see still as far as the question of being goes i personally consider that a woman who shows the power of her intellect is more to be respected than the woman who shows the power of her legs but men always the sorrows of satan prefer the legs just as they prefer the devil to the deity all the same i think as we have time to spare we may as well see this genius genius i echoed contemptuously feminine then he suggested laughing let us see this feminine she will no doubt prove as amusing as in her way i shall ring the bell and ask if she is at home he advanced towards the covered porch but i stood back and sullen determined not to accompany him inside the house if he were admitted suddenly a peal of musical laughter sounded through the air and a clear voice exclaimed oh you wicked boy take it back directly and peered through the fence and then beckoned to me there she is he whispered there is the sour savage old blue there on the lawn by heaven she s enough to strike terror into the heart of any man and i looked where he pointed and saw nothing but a girl in a white gown sitting in a low basket chair with a tiny toy on her lap the was guarding a large square dog nearly as big as himself and at a little distance off sat a magnificent rough st his tail to and fro with every sign of and enjoyment the position was evident at a glance the small dog had taken his huge companion s from him and had conveyed it to his mistress a joke which seemed to be appreciated and understood by all the parties concerned but as i watched the little group i did not believe that the woman i saw was that small head was surely never made for the wearing of but rather for a of roses sweet and by a lover s hand no such slight | 33 |
feminine creature as the one k i the sorrows of satan i now looked upon could ever be capable of the intellectual grasp and power of differences the book i secretly admired and wondered at but which i had to in its successful career the writer of such a work i imagined must needs be of a more or less strong with pronounced features and an impressive personality this butterfly thing playing with her dog was no type of a and i said as much to that cannot be miss i said more likely a visitor or perhaps the companion secretary the must be very different in appearance to that frivolous young person in white whose dress is distinctly and who seems to have nothing whatever to do but amuse herself said the clear voice again take back the and the tiny looked round with an innocently abstracted air as if in the earnestness of his own thoughts he had not quite caught the meaning of the sentence and the voice became more imperative take it back and with a expression of resignation to circumstances seized the large and holding it in his teeth with care jumped from his mistress s knee and trotting briskly up to the st who was still his tail and smiling as visibly as dogs often can smile restored his stolen goods with three short as much as to say there take it the st rose in all his majestic bulk and at it then his small friend apparently in dignified doubt as to which was and which was then lying down again he gave himself up to the pleasure of his meal the while with wild of delight performed a t of mad war dance round and round him by way of entertainment this piece of dog comedy was still going on when turned away from his point of observation at the fence and going up to the gate rang the bell a neat maid servant answered the summons the sorrows of satan is miss at home he asked yes sir but i am not sure whether she will receive you the maid replied unless you have an appointment we have no appointment said but if you will take these cards here he turned to me give me one of yours i complied somewhat reluctantly if you will take these cards he resumed to miss it is just possible she may be kind enough to see us if not it will be our loss he spoke so gently and with such an manner that i could see the servant was at once in his favour step in sir if you please she said smiling and opening the gate he obeyed with alacrity and i who a moment ago had resolved not to enter the place found myself following him under an of young leaves and early into lily cottage which was to prove one day though i knew it not then the only haven of peace and security i should ever for and craving be unable to win the house was much larger than it looked from the outside the entrance hall was square and lofty and with fine old carved oak and the drawing room into which we were shown was one of the most picturesque and beautiful apartments i had ever seen there were flowers everywhere books rare bits of china elegant trifles that only a woman of perfect taste would have the sense to select and appreciate on one or two of the side tables and on the grand piano were portraits of many of the greatest in europe strolled about the room making soft comments here is the of all the he said pausing before a fine portrait of the signed by the imperial hand too now what has the feminine done to deserve that honour i wonder here in strange contrast the sorrows of satan is the wild haired and beside him the there is her majesty of italy and here we have h r h the prince of wales all upon my word miss seems to attract a great many around her without the aid of hard cash i wonder how she does it and his eyes sparkled half can it be a case of genius after all look at those lilies and he pointed to a mass of white bloom in one of the windows are they not far more beautiful creatures men and women dumb yet eloquent of purity i no wonder the painters choose them as the only flowers suitable for the of angels as he spoke the door opened and the girl we had seen on the lawn entered carrying her toy on one arm was she or some one sent to say that the could not receive us i wondered silently looking at her in surprise and something of confusion advanced with an odd mingling of humility and appeal in his manner which was new to me we must for our intrusion miss he said but happening to pass your house we could not resist making an attempt to see you my name is he hesitated oddly for a second then went on and this is my friend mr tempest the author the girl raised her eyes to mine with a little smile and courteous bend of her head he has as i you know become the owner of court you will be neighbours and i hope friends in any case if we have committed a breach of etiquette in venturing to call upon you without introduction you must try and forgive us it is difficult to me impossible to pass the dwelling of a without offering homage to the genius within for it was seemed not to have heard the intended compliment you are very welcome she said | 33 |
simply advancing with a pretty grace and extending her hand to each of us in turn the sorrows of satan i am quite accustomed to visits from strangers but i already know mr tempest very well by reputation won t you sit down she us to chairs in the lily window corner and rang the bell her maid appeared tea this order given she seated herself near us still holding her little dog curled up against her like a small ball of silk tried to converse but could find nothing suitable to say the sight of her filled me with too great a sense of and shame she was such a quiet graceful creature so slight and dainty so perfectly unaffected and simple in manner that as i thought of the article i had written against her work i felt like a low brute who had been a child and yet after all it was her genius i hated the force and passion of that m quality which wherever it appears the world s attention this was the gift she had that i lacked and moved by the most conflicting sensations i gazed out on the shady old garden i heard conversing on trifling matters of society and literature generally and every now and then her bright laugh rang out like a little peal of bells soon i felt rather than saw that she was looking steadily at me and turning i met her eyes deep dense blue eyes candidly grave and clear is this your first visit to court she asked yes i answered making an effort to appear more at my ease i bought the place on the recommendation of my friend the prince here without looking at it so i heard she said still observing me curiously and you are satisfied with it more than satisfied i am delighted it all my best expectations mr tempest is going to marry the daughter of the former owner of put in no doubt you have seen it announced in the papers the sorrows of satan yes she responded with a slight smile i have seen it and i think mr tempest is much to be congratulated lady is very lovely remember her as a beautiful child when i was a child myself i never spoke to her but i often saw her she must be charmed at the prospect of returning as a bride to the old home she loved so well here the servant entered with the tea and miss putting down her tiny dog went to the table to dispense it watched her move across the room with a sense of vague wonder and reluctant admiration she rather resembled a picture by in her soft white gown with a pale rose amid the old lace at her throat and as she turned her head towards us the sunlight caught her fair hair and turned it to the of a golden her brows she was not a beauty but she possessed an individual charm a delicate which silently asserted itself as the breath of hidden in the of a hedge will delight the with sweet fragrance though the flowers be unseen your book was very clever mr tempest she said suddenly smiling at me i read it as soon as it came out but do you i think your article was even i felt myself growing red in the face to what article do you allude miss i stammered i do not write for any magazine no and she laughed gaily but you did on this occasion you me very i quite enjoyed it i found out that you were the author of the not through the editor of the journal oh no poor man he is very discreet but through quite another person who must be nameless it is very difficult to prevent me from finding out whatever i wish to know especially in literary matters why you look quite unhappy and her blue eyes danced with fun as she handed me my cup of tea you really don t suppose i was hurt by your do you dear me no nothing of that kind ever me i am far too busy to the sorrows of satan waste any thought on or only your article was so funny funny i echoed trying to smile but failing in the effort yes funny she repeated it was so very angry that it became amusing my poor differences i am really sorry it put you into such a temper temper does one s energies so she laughed again and sat down in her former place near me regarding me with a frankly open and half humorous gaze which i found i could not meet with any sort of composure to say i felt foolish would express my sense of utter this woman with her young face sweet voice and evidently happy nature was not at all the creature i had imagined her to be and i struggled to say something anything that would furnish a reasonable and answer i caught s glance one of amusement and my thoughts grew more entangled than ever a distraction however occurred in the behaviour of the dog who suddenly took up a position immediately opposite and lifting his nose in air began to howl with a desolate astonishing in so small an animal his mistress was surprised what is the matter she exclaimed catching him up in her arms where he hid his face shivering and moaning then she looked steadily at i never knew him do such a thing before she said perhaps you do not like dogs prince i am afraid they do not like me he replied then pray excuse me a moment she murmured and left the room to return immediately without her favourite after this i noticed | 33 |
that her blue eyes often rested on s handsome countenance with a bewildered and perplexed expression as if she saw something in his very beauty that she disliked or meanwhile i had recovered a little of my usual self possession and i addressed her in a tone which the sorrows of satan meant to be kind but which i knew was somewhat i am very glad miss that you were not offended at the article you speak of it was rather strong i admit but you know we cannot all be of the same opinion indeed no she said quietly and with a slight smile such a state of things would make a very dull world i sure you i was not and am not in the least offended the was a smart piece of writing and made not the slightest effect on me or on my book you remember what wrote of critics no you will find the passage in his preface to the revolt of and it runs thus i have sought to write as i believe that shakespeare and milton wrote with an utter disregard of censure i am certain that and though it may move me to compassion cannot disturb my peace i shall understand the expressive silence of those sagacious enemies who dare not trust themselves to speak i shall endeavour to extract from the midst of insult and contempt and those which may tend to correct whatever such may discern in my appeal to the public if certain critics were as as they are malignant how great would be the benefit to be derived from their writings as it is i fear i shall be malicious enough to be amused with their paltry tricks and lame should the public judge that my composition is worthless i shall indeed bow before the from which milton received his crown of immortality and shall seek to gather if i live strength from that defeat which may nerve me to some new enterprise of thought which may no be worthless as she gave the quotation her eyes darkened and deepened her face was lighted up as by some inward illumination and i discovered the rich sweetness of the voice which made the name of suit her so well you see i know my she said with a little laugh the sorrows of satan at her own emotion and those words are particularly familiar to me because i have had them painted up on a in my study just to remind me in case i should forget what the really great of the world thought of criticism because their example is very encouraging and to a humble little like myself i am not a press favourite and i never get good but and she laughed again i like my all the same if you have finished your tea will you come and see them come and see them what did she mean she seemed delighted at my visible surprise and her cheeks with merriment come and see them she repeated they generally expect me at this hour she led the way into the garden we followed i in a bewildered confusion of mind with all my ideas respecting females and repulsive blue stockings upset by the unaffected behaviour and charming frankness of this whose fame i envied and whose personality i could not but admire with all her intellectual gifts she was yet a woman ah i how and dear i was destined in misery to know i i whisper your sweet name in my solitude i see you in my dreams and kneeling before you i call you angel my angel at the gate of a lost paradise whose sword of genius turning every way keeps me back from all approach to my tree of life xx scarcely had we stepped out on the lawn before an unpleasant incident occurred which might have ended at his mistress s approach the big st dog rose from the sunny corner where he had been peacefully and prepared to greet her but as soon as he perceived us p the sorrows of satan he stopped short with an ominous growl before miss could utter a warning word he made a couple of huge bounds and sprang savagely at as though to tear him in pieces with admirable presence of mind caught him firmly by the throat and forced him backwards turned pale let me hold him he will obey me she cried placing her little hand on the great dog s neck down emperor down how dare you down sir in a moment emperor dropped to the ground and crouched at her feet breathing heavily and trembling in every limb she held him by the collar and looked up at who was perfectly composed though his eyes flashed i am so very sorry she murmured i forgot you told me dogs do not like you but what a singularly marked is it not i cannot understand it emperor is generally so good natured i must for his bad conduct it is quite unusual i hope he has not hurt you not at all returned and with a cold smile i hope i have not hurt or distressed w she made no reply but led the st away and was absent for a few minutes while she was gone s brow clouded and his face grew very stern what do you think of her he asked me abruptly i hardly know what to think i answered she is very different to what i imagined her dogs are rather unpleasant company they are honest animals he said they are no doubt accustomed to in their mistress and therefore object to lies speak for yourself i said they object to you chiefly am i not fully aware of that he retorted and do i not | 33 |
speak for myself you do not suppose i would call you a lie do you even if it were true i would not i the sorrows of satan be so but i am a living lie and knowing it i admit it which gives me a certain claim to honesty the ordinary run of men this woman of is a truth imagine it she has no occasion to pretend to be anything else than she is no wonder she is famous i said nothing as just then the subject of our conversation returned tranquil and smiling and did her best with the tact and grace of a perfect hostess to us forget her dog s ferocious conduct by us a l the prettiest turns and twisting paths of her which was quite a bower of spring beauty she talked to us both with equal ease brightness and cleverness though i observed that she studied with close interest and watched his looks and movements with more curiosity than liking passing under an grove of we presently came to an open court yard paved with blue and white having in its centre a picturesque dove built in the form of a chinese here pausing clapped her hands a cloud of white grey brown and answered the summons round and round her head and flying down in excited groups at her feet here are my she said laughing are they not pretty creatures the ones i know best are named after their respective journals there are plenty of ones of course who flock in with the rest here for instance is the saturday review and she picked up a bird with coral tinted feet who seemed to rather like the attention shown to him he fights with all his companions and drives them away from the food whenever he can he is such a creature here she the bird s head you never know how to please him he takes offence at the corn sometimes and will only eat peas or vice he quite deserves his name go away old boy and she flung the pigeon in the air and watched it soaring up and down he is such a old there is the speaker and she pointed to a fat he i the sorrows of satan very well and fancies he s important you know but he isn t over there is public opinion that one half asleep on the wall to him is the spectator you see he has two rings round his eyes like spectacles that brown creature with the win all by himself on that flower pot is the nineteenth century the little bird with the green neck is the westminster and the fat one sitting on the platform of the is th he knows his name very well see and sh called merrily come boy come here bird obeyed at once and flying down from the settled on her shoulder there are so many others it is difficult to distinguish them sometimes she continued whenever i get a bad review i name a pigeon it me that one with the muddy feet is the sketch he is not at all a well bred bird i must tell you that smart looking dove with the purple breast is the and that bland old grey thing is the i l n short for illustrated london news those three white ones are daily telegraph morning post and standard now see them all and taking a covered basket from a corner she began to scatter corn and peas and various in lavish quantities all over the court for a moment we could scarcely see the sky so thickly the birds together struggling fighting downwards and soaring upwards but the winged confusion soon gave place to something like order when they were all on the ground and busy selecting their respective favourite from the different sorts provided for their choice you are indeed a sweet natured philosopher said smiling if you can your adverse by a flock of she laughed merrily well it is a remedy against all irritation she returned i used to worry a good deal over my work and wonder why it was that the press people were so hard upon me when they showed so much and encouragement the sorrows of satan to far worse writers but after a little serious consideration finding that critical opinion carried no sort of conviction whatever to the public i determined to trouble no more about it except in the way of in the way of you feed your i observed exactly and i suppose i help to feed them even as women and men she said they get something from their for my work and they probably make a little more out of selling their review copies so you see the dove emblem holds good throughout but you have not seen the oh you must see him with laughter still lurking in her blue eyes she took us out of the pigeon court and led the way round to a and shady corner of the garden where in a large cage fitted up for its special convenience sat a solemn white owl the instant it perceived us it became angry and up its feathers rolled its glistening yellow eyes and opened its two smaller sat in the background pressed close together one grey the other brown cross old boy said addressing the looking creature in the sweetest of accents haven t you found any to kill to day oh what wicked eyes what a mouth then turning to us she went on isn t he a lovely owl doesn t he look wise but as a matter of fact he s just as stupid as ever he can be that is why i call him the he looks | 33 |
so profound you d fancy he knows everything but he really thinks of nothing but killing all the time which limits his intelligence considerably laughed heartily and so did i she looked so mischievous and merry but there are two other in the cage i said what are their names she held up a little finger in playful warning the sorrows of satan ah that would be telling secrets she said they re all the the holy three a sort of literary but why a i do not venture to explain it is a riddle i must leave you to guess she moved on and we followed across a grass plot bordered with bright spring flowers such as and and presently pausing she asked would you care to see my work room i found myself agreeing to this proposition with an almost boyish enthusiasm glanced at me with a slight smile miss are you going to name a pigeon after mr tempest he inquired he played the part of an adverse critic you know but i doubt whether he will ever do so again she looked round at me and smiled h i have been merciful to mr tempest she replied he is among the birds whom i do not specially recognise she stepped into the arched of an open window which the view of the grass and flowers and entering with her we found ourselves in a large room in shape where the first object that attracted and the attention was a marble bust of the whose grave countenance and tranquil brows directly faced the sun a desk strewn with papers occupied the left hand side of the window nook in a comer draped with olive green velvet the white presence of the taught in his inscrutable yet radiant smile the lesson of love and the triumphs of fame and numbers of books were about not ranged in formal rows on shelves as if they were never read but placed on low tables and wheeled stands that they might be easily taken up and glanced at the arrangement of the walls chiefly excited my interest and admiration for these were divided into and every had inscribed upon it in letters of gold some phrase from the philosophers or the sorrows of satan some verse from the poets the passage from which had recently quoted to us occupied as she had said one and above if hung a beautiful relief of the drowned poet copied from the monument at another and broader held a fine engraved portrait of shakespeare and under the picture appeared the lines to thine own self be true and it must follow as the night the day thou not then be to any man was represented also but it would have taken more than a day to examine the various suggestive and individual charms of this as its owner called it though the hour was to come when i should know every corner of it by heart and look upon it as a haunted of ages looked upon but now time gave us little pause and when we had sufficiently expressed our pleasure and gratitude for the kindness with which we had been received glancing at his watch suggested departure we could stay on here for an indefinite period miss he said with an unwonted softness in his dark eyes it is a place for peace and happy meditation a comer for a tired soul he checked a slight sigh then went on but trains wait for no man and we are returning to town to night then i will not detain you any longer said our young hostess leading the way at once by a side door through a passage filled with plants into the drawing room where she had first entertained us i hope mr tempest she added smiling at me that now we have met you will no longer desire to as one of my it is scarcely worth while miss i said now speaking with unaffected sincerity i assure you on my honour i am very sorry i wrote the sorrows of satan that article against you if i had only known you as you oh that should make no difference to a critic she answered merrily it would have made a great difference to me i declared you are so unlike the objectionable literary woman i paused and she regarded me with her bright clear candid eyes then i added i must tell you that lady is one of your most ardent admirers i am very pleased to hear that she simply i am always glad when i succeed in winning somebody s approval and liking does not approve and admire you asked oh no by no means the saturday says i only win the applause of shop girls and she laughed poor old saturday the writers on its staff are so jealous of any successful author i told the prince of wales what it said the other day and he was very much amused you know the prince i asked in a little surprise well it would be more correct to say that he knows me she replied he has been very good in taking some little interest in my books he knows a good deal about literature too much more than people give him credit for he has been here more than once and has seen me feed my the you know he rather enjoyed the fun i think and this was all the result of the the press gave to simply that she named her after her critics and fed them in the presence of whatever royal or distinguished visitors she might have and i afterwards learned she had many amid no doubt much laughter from those who saw the spectator pigeon fighting | 33 |
noted or insisted upon whereas no matter how women writers may be they still pass under as because the of press opinion considers they ought to be even if they are not a pretty is an offence an a something that neither men nor women care about men don t care about her because being clever and independent she does not often care about them women don t care about her because she has the to combine attractive looks with intelligence and she makes an awkward rival to those who have only attractive looks without intelligence so the world o wild world through mid fires of sunrise and sunset through flashes of silver and gold grain of dust in a storm of sand by the sea what is your worth o world to the angels of god and me the sorrows of satan he sang this quite suddenly his rich out on the warm silent air i listened what a voice you have i exclaimed what a glorious gift he smiled and sang on his dark eyes flashing o wild world in a burning ray flung from the heavens millions of spaces away sink in the or i live with the or die what should i care for your fate who am one with the infinite sky i what strange song is that i asked startled and thrilled by the passion of his voice it seems to mean nothing he laughed and took my arm it does mean nothing he said all drawing room songs mean nothing mine is a drawing room song calculated to impulses in the inclined nonsense i said smiling exactly that is what i say it is nonsense here we came up to the carriage which waited for us just twenty minutes to catch the train off we go and off we did go i watching the red roofs of court shining in the late sunshine till a turn in the road hid them from view you like your purchase presently i do immensely and your rival do you like her i paused a moment then answered frankly yes i like her and i will admit something more than that to you now i like her book it is a noble work worthy of the most highly gifted man i liked it and because i liked it i it rather a mysterious course of and he smiled can you not explain of course i can explain i said explanation is easy i envied her power i envy it still her popularity caused me a sense of injury and to relieve it i wrote that the sorrows of satan article against her but i shall never do anything of the kind again i shall let her grow her in peace have a habit of growing without any permission observed significantly in all sorts of unexpected places too and they can never be properly cultivated in the forcing house of criticism i know that i said quickly my thoughts to my own book and all the favourable that had been heaped upon it i have learned that lesson thoroughly by heart he looked at me it is only one of many you may have yet to learn he said it is a lesson in fame your next course of instruction will be in love he smiled but i was conscious of a certain dread and discomfort as he spoke i thought of and her who had told me she could not love had we both to learn a lesson and should we master it or would it master us xxi the preparations for my marriage now went on of presents began to arrive for as well as for myself and i was introduced to an hitherto phase as far i personally was concerned of the vulgarity and of fashionable society knew the extent of my wealth and how little real necessity there was for offering me my bride elect costly gifts nevertheless all our so called friends and acquaintances strove to each other in the gross cash value if not in the good taste of their various had we been a young couple bravely beginning the world on true love in more or less uncertainty as to our prospects and future income we should have received nothing the sorrows of satan either useful or valuable would have tried to do the present giving in as cheap and mean a way as possible instead of handsome services of solid silver we should have had a meagre collection of instead of costly of books enriched with fine steel we might possibly have had to express our gratitude for a ten shilling family bible of course i fully realized the actual nature and object of the lavish extravagance displayed on this occasion by our social set their gifts were merely so many sent with a purpose which was easy enough to the wished to be invited to the wedding in the first place after that they sought to be included in our visiting list and foresaw invitations to our dinners and and more than this they calculated on our influence in society and the possible chance their might be in the dim future of our some of them money should pressing occasion require it in the scant and suppressed contempt their excited and i were completely at one she looked upon her array of glittering with the utmost weariness and indifference and flattered my self love by assuring me that the only things she cared at all for were the of and diamonds i had given her as a pledge together with an of the same gems yet i noticed she also had a great liking for s present which was a truly magnificent of the s art it was a in | 33 |
the form of a serpent the body entirely composed of the finest and the head of and diamonds as a reed when put it on it appeared to spring and round her waist like a living thing and breathe with her breathing i did not much care for it myself as an ornament for a young it seemed to me quite but as else admired it and envied the possessor of such superb jewels i said nothing of my own had shown a certain amount of delicate sentiment and refinement in her offering it was a very exquisite marble statue of the sorrows of satan mounted on a of solid silver and thanked her smiling coldly you have given me an emblem of the soul she said no doubt you remembered i have no soul of my own and her airy laugh had chilled poor to the as the warm hearted little american herself with tears assured me at this period i saw very little of i was much occupied with my lawyers on the question of messrs and rather objected to the arrangement by which i gave the half of my fortune to my intended wife but i would brook no interference and the deed was drawn up signed sealed and witnessed the earl of could not sufficiently praise my generosity my noble character and walked about me everywhere till he almost turned himself into a public advertisement of the virtues of his future son in law he seemed to have taken a new lease of life he with openly and of his with the fixed stare and grin he never spoke and i imagine never thought herself was in the hands of and and we only saw each other every day for a few minutes hurried chat on these occasions she was always charming even affectionate and yet though i was full of passionate admiration and love for her i felt that she was mine merely as a slave might be mine that she gave me her lips to kiss as if she considered i had a right to kiss them because i had bought them and for no other reason that her pretty caresses were studied and her whole behaviour the result of careful and not natural i tried to shake off this impression but it still remained persistently and clouded the sweetness of my brief courtship meanwhile slowly and almost my book dropped out of notice presented a heavy bill of costs which i paid without a murmur now and then an allusion to my literary triumphs up in the sorrows of satan one or other of the newspapers but otherwise no one spoke of my famous work and few read it i enjoyed the same sort of reputation and public failure attending s novel entitled the the with whom i had come in contact began to drift away like and i think they saw i was not likely to give many more dinners or and that my marriage with the earl of s daughter would lift me into an atmosphere where street could not breathe comfortably or stretch its legs at ease the heap of gold on which i sat as on a throne divided me gradually from even the back courts and lower passages leading to the temple of fame and almost unconsciously to myself i retreated step by step my eyes as it were from the sun and seeing the glittering in the distance with a woman s slight figure entering the lofty turning back her head to smile sorrowfully and with pity upon me ere passing in to salute the gods yet if asked about it on the press would have said that i had had a great success i only i realized the bitterness and truth of my failure i had not touched the heart of the public i had not succeeded in so waking my readers out of the of their dull and commonplace every day lives that they should turn towards me with outstretched hands exclaiming more more of these thoughts which comfort and inspire us which make us hear god s voice all s well above the storms of life i had not done it i could not do it and the worst part of my feelings on this was the idea that possibly i might have done it had i remained poor the strongest and pulse in the composition of a man the necessity for hard work had been killed in me i knew i need not work that the society in which i now moved thought it ridiculous if i did work that i was expected to spend money and enjoy myself in the fashion of what the upper ten term enjoyment my acquaintances were not slow in suggesting plans for the of my cash why did i not the sorrows of satan build for myself a marble palace on the or a to completely the prince of wales s why did i not start a theatre or found a newspaper not one of my social once proposed my doing any private personal good with my fortune when some terrible case of distress was published and were raised to relieve the object or objects of suffering i invariably gave ten guineas and allowed myself to be thanked for my generous assistance i might as well have given ten pence for the guineas were no more to me in comparison than the pence when funds were started to erect a statue to some great man who had in the usual way of the world been a victim of till his death i produced my ten guineas again when i could easily have the whole cost of the memorial with honour to myself and been none the poorer with all my wealth i did nothing i | 33 |
going to the sea coast to stay with some old friends and in a letter explained this and expressed her thanks for my invitation though she found herself unable to accept it how curious it was that when i read her little note of refusal i should experience such a keen sense of disappointment she was nothing to me nothing but a literary woman who by strange chance happened to be sweeter than most women and yet i felt that the at would lose something in brightness lacking her presence i had wanted to introduce her to as i knew i should thus give a special pleasure to my however it was not to be and i was conscious of an inexplicable personal vexation in strict accordance with the promise made i let have his own way entirely with regard to all the arrangements for what was to be the ne of everything ever designed for the distraction amusement and of and fastidious people and i neither interfered nor asked any questions content to rely on my friend s taste imagination and ingenuity i only understood that all the plans were being carried out by foreign artists and and that no english would be employed i did venture once to inquire the reason of this and got one of s own replies nothing english is good enough for the english he said things have to be imported from france to please the people whom the french themselves angrily as you must not have a bill of fare you must have a and all your dishes must bear french the sorrows of satan titles otherwise they will not be in good form you must have french and to please the british taste and your silken must be woven on french lately too it has been deemed necessary to import morality as well as fashions it does not suit great britain at all you know great britain the manners of paris looks like a jolly open faced sturdy giant with a doll s bonnet stuck on his head but the doll s bonnet is just now la mode some day i believe the giant will discover it looks ridiculous and cast it off with a burst of genuine laughter at his own temporary folly and without it he will resume his original dignity the dignity that best becomes a privileged conqueror who has the sea for his standing army evidently you like england i said smiling he laughed not in the very least i do not like england any more than any other country on the globe i do not like the globe itself and england comes in for a share of my aversion as one of the spots on the ball if i could have my way i should like to throne myself on a convenient star for the purpose and kick out at earth as she by in space hoping by that act of just violence to do away with her for ever but why i asked amused why do you hate the earth what has the poor little planet done to merit your he looked at me very strangely shall i tell you you will never believe me no matter for that i answered smiling say on what has the poor little planet done he repeated slowly the poor little planet has done nothing but it is what the gods have done with this same poor little planet that my anger and scorn they have made it a living sphere of wonders endowed it with beauty borrowed from the fairest corners of highest heaven it with the sorrows of satan flowers and foliage taught it music the music of birds and torrents and rolling waves and falling rains rocked it gently in clear among such light as blinds the eyes of mortals guided it out of chaos through clouds of thunder and shafts of lightning to circle peacefully in its appointed lit on the one hand by the vivid of the sun and on the other by the sleepy radiance of the moon and more than all this they have invested it with a divine soul in man oh you may as you will but notwithstanding the earth takes at the vast and eternal ocean of science the soul is here and all the immortal forces with it and around it nay the gods i speak in the after the fashion of the ancient for to my thinking there are many gods from the supreme deity the gods i say have so insisted on this fact that one of them has walked the earth in human guise solely for the sake of the truth of immortality to these frail creatures of seemingly clay for this i hate the planet were there not and are there not other and far worlds that a god should have chosen to dwell on this one for a moment i was silent out of sheer surprise you me i said at last you allude to christ i suppose but everybody is convinced by this time that he was a mere man like the rest of us there was nothing divine about him what a contradiction you are why i remember you indignantly denied the accusation of being a christian of course and i deny it still he answered quickly i have not a fat living in the church that i should tell a lie on such a subject i am not a christian nor is anyone living a christian to quote a very old saying there never was a christian save one and he was but though i am not a christian i never said i doubted the existence ot christ that knowledge was forced upon me with considerable pressure too the sorrows of satan by a authority i inquired with a slight | 33 |
sneer he made no immediate reply his flashing eyes looked as it were through me and beyond me at something far away the curious that at times gave his face the set look of an impenetrable mask came upon him then and he smiled an awful smile so might a man smile out of deadly when told of some dim and dreadful torture awaiting him you touch me on a sore point he said at last slowly and in a harsh tone my convictions respecting certain religious phases of man s development and progress are on the study of some very unpleasant truths to which humanity generally its eyes burying its head in the desert sands of its own these truths i will not enter upon now some other time i will you into a few of my mysteries the tortured smile passed from his face leaving it composed and calm as usual and i hastily changed the subject for i had made up my mind by this time that my brilliant friend had like many gifted persons a on one topic and that topic a particularly difficult one to discuss as it touched on the and therefore to my thinking the impossible my own temperament which had in the days of my poverty between spiritual striving and material gain had with my sudden access to fortune rapidly hardened into the character of a man of the world worldly for whom all speculations as to the unseen forces working in and around us were the merest folly not worth a moment s waste of thought i should have laughed to scorn anyone who had then presumed to talk to me about the law of eternal justice which with individuals as well as nations works not for a passing phase but for all time towards good and not evil for no matter how much a man may strive to blind himself to the fact he has a portion of the divine with him which if he by his the sorrows of satan own wickedness he must be forced to again and yet again in the fierce flames of such remorse and such despair as are rightly termed the fires of hell xxii on the afternoon of the twenty first of may i went down accompanied by to to be in readiness for the reception of the social swarm who were to flock thither the next day went with us but i left my own man behind to take charge of my rooms in the grand and to forward late and special messages the weather was calm warm and bright and a young moon showed her thin in the sky as we got out at the country station and stepped into the open carriage awaiting us the station officials greeted us with humility especially with an almost gaping air of the fact of his lavish expenditure in arranging with the railway company a service of special trains for the use of the morrow s guests had no doubt excited them to a speechless extent of admiration as well as astonishment when we approached and entered the beautiful drive bordered with oak and which led up to the house i uttered an exclamation of delight at the displayed for the whole avenue was with arches of flags and flowers of blossoms being even swung from tree to tree and many of the lower branches the porch at the entrance of the house was draped with crimson silk and with white roses and as we alighted the door was flung open by a smart page in brilliant scarlet and gold i think said to me as we entered you will find everything as complete as this world s resources will allow the of servants here are what is the sorrows of satan called on the job their payment is agreed upon and they know their duties thoroughly they will give you no trouble i could scarcely find words to express my unbounded satisfaction or to thank him for the admirable taste with which the beautiful house had been adorned i wandered about in an ecstasy of admiration in such a visible and gorgeous display of what great wealth could really do the had been transformed into an elegant theatre the stage being concealed by a curtain of thick gold coloured silk on which the oft quoted lines of shakespeare were embroidered in raised letters all the world s a stage and all the men and women merely players turning out of this into the drawing room i found it decorated entirely round with banks of roses red and white the flowers forming a huge at one end of the apartment behind which as informed me unseen would discourse sweet harmony i have arranged for a few in the theatre to fill up a gap of time he said carelessly fashionable folks now a days get so soon tired of one amusement that it is necessary to provide several in order to the brains that cannot think or discover any means of entertainment in themselves as a matter of fact people cannot even converse long together because they have nothing to say oh don t bother to go out in the grounds on a tour of inspection just now leave a few surprises for yourself as well as for your company tomorrow come and have dinner he put his arm through mine and we entered the here the table was laid out with costly fruit flowers and of every description four men servants in scarlet and gold stood silently in waiting with in black as usual behind his master s chair we enjoyed a served to perfection and when it was finished we strolled out in the grounds to smoke and talk the sorrows of satan you seem to do everything by magic i said looking at him all these lavish these servants | 33 |
of this little home where peace and pure content dwelt happily in seclusion but this was not all there was something else in my mind something inexplicable and sad which then i had no skill to define i know now what it was but the knowledge comes too late returning to my own i saw through the trees a vivid red light in one of the upper windows of it like a lurid star and i guided my steps by its brilliancy as i made my way across the winding garden paths the sorrows of satan and back to the house entering the hall the page in scarlet and gold met me and with a respectful escorted me to my room where was in waiting has the prince retired i asked him yes sir he has a red lamp in his window has he not looked meditative yet i fancied i saw him smile i think yes i believe he has sir i asked no more questions but allowed him to perform his duties as in silence good night sir he said at last his eyes fastened upon me with an look good night i responded indifferently he left the room with his usual cat like stealthy tread and when he had gone i by a sudden fresh impulse of hatred for him sprang to the door and locked it then i listened with an odd nervous there was not a sound for fully quarter of an hour i remained with my attention more or less strained expectant of i knew not what but the quiet of the house was absolutely undisturbed with a sigh of relief i flung myself on the luxurious bed a couch fit for a king draped with the richest satin embroidered and falling soundly asleep i dreamed that i was poor again poor but happy and hard at work in the old lodging writing down thoughts which i knew by some divine and beyond all doubt would bring me the whole world s honour again i heard the sounds of the played by my unseen neighbour next door and this time they were and of joy without one throb of sorrow and while i wrote on in an ecstasy of inspiration of poverty and pain i heard echoing through my visions the round of the and saw in the far distance an angel floating towards me on of light with the face of the sorrows of satan the morning broke clear with all the pure tints of a fine in the sky never had i beheld such a fair scene as the woods and gardens of when i looked upon them that day by the sunlight of a spring half melting into summer my heart swelled with pride as i surveyed the beautiful domain i now owned and thought how happy a home it would make when in her loveliness shared with me its charm and luxury yes i said half aloud say what philosophers will the possession of money does satisfaction and power it is all very well to talk about fame but what is fame worth if like one is too poor to enjoy it besides literature no longer holds its former high there are too many in the field too many newspaper all believing they are too many ill educated lady and new women who think they are as gifted as sand or with and i ought to be able to resign the idea of fame literary fame with a good grace knew i reasoned with myself i knew that my for a place among the truly great of the world was as strong as ever i knew i for the intellectual distinction force and pride which make the a terror and a power in the land and so a great poet or great from the throng that even kings are glad to do him or her honour but i would not allow my thoughts to dwell on this rapidly vanishing point of desire i settled my mind to enjoy the of the immediate present as a bee settles in the cup of honey flowers and leaving my bedroom i went downstairs to breakfast with in the best and of the sorrows of satan not a cloud on the day he said meeting me with a smile as i entered the bright morning room whose windows opened on the lawn the will be a brilliant success thanks to you i answered personally i am quite in the dark as to your plans but i believe you can do nothing that is not well done you honour me he said with a light laugh you credit me then with better qualities than the creator for what he does in the opinion of the present generation is exceedingly ill done men have taken to grumbling at him instead of him and few have any patience with or liking for his laws i laughed well you must admit those laws are very arbitrary they are i entirely acknowledge the fact we sat down to table and were waited upon by servants who apparently had no idea of anything else but attendance on our needs there was no trace of bustle or excitement in the household no sign whatever to that a great entertainment was about to take place that day it was not until the close of our meal that i asked what time the would arrive he glanced at his watch about noon i should say he replied perhaps before but whatever their hour they will all be in their places at the proper moment depend upon it the people i employ both and know their business thoroughly and are aware that i stand no nonsense a rather sinister smile played round his mouth as he regarded me | 33 |
exclamations which were for the most part and noisy for the set have long ceased to cultivate softness of voice or refinement of accent and once or twice the detestable word escaped from the lips of a few dashing to be leaders of style repose of manner dignity and elegance of however are no longer to be discovered among the present racing and gambling of the blue blood of england so one does not expect these graces of distinction from them the louder they can talk and the more they can adopt from the language of their and stable boys the more are they judged to be in the swim and up to date i speak of course of the modern of aristocracy there are a few truly great ladies left whose is still oblige but they are quite in the the sorrows of satan and by the younger generation are either old cats or many of the mob that now over my grounds had come out of the vulgar curiosity to see what the man with five millions could do in the way of entertaining others were anxious to get news if possible of the chances of winning the concerning which i was silent but the bulk of the crowd wandered about staring or at each other and scarcely looking at the natural loveliness of the gardens or the scenery around them the of modern society is never so manifested as at a garden party where the restless and moved vaguely to and fro scarcely stopping to talk or to one another for five minutes most of them hovering and awkwardly between the refreshment and the in my domain they were deprived of this latter harbour of refuge for no could be seen though music was heard beautiful wild music which came first from one part of the grounds and then from another and to which few listened with any attention all were however happily unanimous in their enthusiastic appreciation of the excellence of the food provided for them in the luxurious luncheon tents of which there were twenty in number men ate as if they had never eaten in their lives before and drank the choice and exquisite with equal and one never entirely the extent to which human can go till one knows a few and cabinet ministers and watches those feed ad soon the company was so complete that there was no longer any need for me to perform the duty of receiving and i therefore took in to luncheon to devote myself to her for the rest of the day she was in one of her brightest and most moods her laughter rang out as sweetly joyous as that of some happy child he was even kind to who was also one of my guests and o the sorrows of satan who was plainly enjoying herself with all the peculiar to pretty american women who consider as much of a game as the scene was now one of great brilliancy the light of the women well with the scarlet and gold of the seemingly innumerable servants that were now everywhere in active attendance and constantly through the fluttering crowd from tent to tent from table to table and group to group moved his tall stately figure and handsome face always conspicuous wherever he stood his rich voice thrilling the air whenever he spoke his influence was irresistible and gradually the whole assemblage he roused the dull inspired the witty encouraged the timid and brought all the conflicting elements of rival position character and opinion into one uniform whole which was unconsciously led by his will as easily as a multitude is led by a convincing orator i did not know it then but i know now that speaking he had his foot on the neck of that society mob as though it were one prostrate man r that the and whose utmost idea of good is wealth and luxurious living bent to his secret power as bend to the wind and that he did with them all whatsoever he chose as he does to this very day god if the grinning fools had only known what horrors were about them at the feast what ghastly ministers to appetite waited upon them what pallid terrors behind the gorgeous show of vanity and pride but the veil was down and only to me has it since been lifted luncheon over the singing of voices to a kind of village attracted the company now fed to towards the lawn at the back of the house and cries of delight were raised as the may pole came into view i myself joining in the universal applause for i had not expected to see anything half so picturesque and pretty the pole was surrounded by a double ring of small children children so beautiful in face and dainty in form that they might very well the sorrows of satan have been taken for little from some enchanted the boys were clad as tiny in of green with pink caps on their curly heads the girls were in white with their hair flowing loosely over their shoulders and wreaths of may blossom crowning their brows as soon as the guests appeared on the scene these exquisite little creatures commenced their dance each one taking a trail of blossom or a ribbon from the may pole and weaving it with the others into no end of beautiful and fantastic designs i looked on as amazed and fascinated as anyone present at the wonderful lightness and ease with which these children tripped and ran their tiny twinkling feet seemed scarcely to touch the turf their faces were so lovely their eyes so bright that it was a positive enchantment to watch them each figure they executed was more intricate and effective than the last and the | 33 |
in her face a dead child lay near and this group were two supernatural shapes one in scarlet the other in black vast and almost beyond the stature of humanity the scarlet figure represented and its blood red fingers were advanced to clutch the diamond crown from society s brow the form was death and even as we looked it slowly raised its dart in act to strike the effect was weird and wonderful and the grim lesson the picture conveyed was startling enough to make a very visible impression the sorrows of satan no one spoke no one applauded but people moved and on their seats and there was an audible sigh of relief as the curtain closed opening again it displayed the second bravery ancient and modem this was in two scenes the first one depicted a nobleman of elizabeth s time with drawn his foot on the prostrate body of a coarse who had evidently from the insulted a woman whose slight figure was dis shrinking timidly away from the contest this was ancient bravery and it changed rapidly to modem showing us an narrow shouldered pallid in opera coat and hat smoking a and languidly appealing to a policeman to protect him from another young of his own class attired who was represented as round a corner in abject terror we all recognised the force of the application and were in a much better humour with this pictured satire than we had been at the lesson of society next followed a lost angel in which was shown a great hall in the palace of a king where there were numbers of brilliantly attired people all in various attitudes and evidently completely absorbed in their own concerns so much so as to be entirely unconscious of the fact that in their very midst stood a wondrous angel clad in dazzling white with a round her fair hair and a glory as of the sunset on her half drooping wings her eyes were wistful her face was pensive and expectant she seemed to say will the world ever know that i am here somehow as the curtain slowly closed again amid loud applause for the picture was beautiful i thought of and sighed looked up at me why do you sigh she said it is a lovely fancy but the symbol is wasted in the present audience no one with education believes in angels now a days true i assented yet there was a at my heart for her words reminded me of what i would rather have forgotten namely her own admitted lack of all religious faith the sorrows of satan the was the next and represented an emperor at his knelt a piteous crowd of the starving and oppressed holding up their lean hands to him clasped in petition but he looked away from them as though he saw them not his head was turned to listen to the side whisper of one who seemed by the bend and flattering smile to be his adviser and yet that very held behind his back a drawn dagger ready to strike his sovereign to the heart russia whispered one or two of the company as the scene was obscured but the scarcely breathed suggestion quickly passed into a murmur of amazement and awe as the curtain parted again to disclose a comer of hell this was indeed original and quite unlike what might have been imagined as the conventional treatment of such a subject what we saw was a black and hollow glittering alternately with the of ice and fire huge drooped from above and pale flames leaped stealthily into view from below and within the dark the shadowy form of a man was seated counting out gold or what seemed to be gold yet as coin after coin slipped through his ghostly fingers each one was seen to change to fire and the lesson thus pi was easily read the lost soul had made its own torture and was still at work and increasing its own fiery agony much as this scene was admired for its effect of light and shade i personally was glad when it was from view there was something in the dreadful face of the doomed sinner that reminded me forcibly and of those ghastly three i had seen in my horrid vision on the night of ton s suicide seeds of corruption was the next picture and showed us a young and beautiful girl in her early lying on a luxurious couch en with a novel in her hand of which the title was plainly seen by all a novel well known to present and the work of a much praised living author round her on the floor and cast carelessly on a chair at her side were other the sorrows of satan novels of the same type all their titles turned towards us and the names of their authors equally made manifest what a daring idea said a lady in the seat immediately behind me i wonder if any of those authors are present if they are they won t mind replied the man next to her with a smothered laugh those sort of writers would merely take it as a first class advertisement looked at the with a pale face and wistful eyes that is a true picture she said under her breath it is painfully true i made no answer i thought i knew to what she alluded but alas i did not know how deeply the seeds of corruption had been sown in her own nature or what a harvest they would bring forth the curtain closed to open again almost immediately on his latest purchase here we were shown the interior of a luxurious modern drawing room where about eight or | 33 |
ten men were assembled in fashionable they had evidently just risen from a and one of them a dissipated looking brute with a wicked smile of mingled satire and triumph on his face was pointing to his purchase a beautiful woman she was clad in glistening white like a bride but she was bound as prisoners are bound to an upright column on which the grinning head of a marble above her her hands were tied tightly together with ch ns of diamonds her waist was bound with thick ropes of pearls a wide collar of encircled her throat and from bosom to feet she was about and tied with strings of gold and gems her head was flung back with an assumption of pride and scorn her eyes alone expressed shame and despair at her bondage the man who owned this white slave was represented by his attitude as and her points for the approval and applause of his comrades whose faces and powerfully expressed the different emotions of lust cruelty envy the sorrows of satan contempt and selfishness more admirably than the most gifted painter could imagine a capital type of most fashionable marriages i heard say rather another voice replied the happy couple to the life l i glanced at she looked pale but smiled as she met my questioning eyes a sense of consolation crept warmly about my heart as i remembered that now she had as she told me learnt to love and that therefore her marriage with me was no longer a question of material advantage alone she was not my purchase she was my love my saint my queen or so i chose to think in my foolishness and vanity the last of all was now to come faith and and it proved to be the most startling of the series the was gradually darkened and the dividing curtain disclosed a beautiful scene by the sea shore a full moon cast its tranquil glory over the smooth waters and rising on rainbow wings from earth towards the skies one of the loveliest creatures ever dreamed of by poet or painter floated angel like upward her hands holding a cluster of lilies clasped to her breast her eyes full of divine joy hope and love exquisite music was heard soft voices sang in the distance a of rejoicing heaven and earth sea and air all seemed to support the spirit as she higher and higher in ever deepening rapture when as we all watched that flying form with a sense of the keenest delight and satisfaction sudden crash of thunder sounded the scene grew dark and there was a distant roaring of angry waters the light of the moon was the music ceased a faint lurid glow of red shone at first dimly then more vividly and declared itself a human skeleton white and grinning ghastly mirth upon us all while we yet looked the skeleton itself dropped to pieces and one long worm lifted its the sorrows of satan length from the wreck of bones another working its way through the eye holes of the skull murmurs of genuine horror were heard in the people on all sides rose from their seats one man in particular a distinguished professor of science pushed past me to get out muttering this may be very amusing to some of you but to me it is disgusting like your own theories my dear professor said a rich laughing voice as met him on his way and the theatre was again with cheerful light they are amusing to some and disgusting to others pardon me i speak of course in jest but i designed that specially in your honour oh you did did you growled the professor well i didn t appreciate it yet you should have done for it is quite correct declared laughing still faith with the wings whom you saw flying towards an impossible heaven is not correct have you not told us so but the skeleton and the worms were quite of your i no can deny the of that complexion to which we all must come at last positively some of the ladies look quite pale how droll it is that while everybody to be fashionable and in favour with the press must accept as the only creed they should invariably become or let us say offended at the natural end of the body as completed by material well it was not a pleasant subject that last said lord as he came out of the theatre with hanging on his arm you cannot say it was it was for the worms replied gaily come miss and you tempest come along with lady let us go out in the grounds again and see my will o lighting up fresh curiosity was excited by this remark the people the sorrows of satan quickly threw off the and tragic impression made by the strange just witnessed and poured out of the house into the gardens chattering and laughing more than ever it was just dusk and as we reached the open lawn we saw an extraordinary number of small boys clad in brown running about with will o the their movements were swift and perfectly noiseless they leaped jumped and like little over flower beds under and along the edges of paths and many of them climbing trees with the rapidity and of and wherever they went they left behind them a trail of brilliant light soon by their efforts all the grounds were illuminated with a magnificence that could not have been equalled even by the historic at tall oaks and were transformed to of fire blossoms every branch was loaded with coloured lamps in the shape of stars up into | 33 |
the clear space down wreaths and ribbons of flame lines of red and ran along the grass borders and amid the enthusiastic applause of the assembled spectators eight huge fire fountains of all colours sprang up in various corners of the garden while an enormous golden luminous ascended slowly into the air and remained poised above us sending from its glittering car hundreds of like birds and on fiery wings that round and round for a moment and then vanished while we were yet loudly clapping the splendid effect of this sky spectacle a troop of beautiful girl dancers in white came running across the grass waving long silvery that were tipped with electric stars and to the sound of strange music seemingly played in the distance on glass bells they commenced a fantastic dance of the wildest yet most graceful character every shade of colour fell upon their swaying figures from some invisible agency as they tripped and whirled and each time they waved their ribbons and flags of fire were and tossed high in air where they for a long time like moving the sorrows of satan the scene was now so startling so fairy like and wonderful that we were well nigh struck speechless with astonishment too fascinated and absorbed even to we had no conception how time went or how rapidly the night descended till all at once without the least warning an appalling crash of thunder burst immediately above our heads and a jagged fork of lightning tore the luminous fire to two or three women began to scream whereupon advanced from the throng of spectators and stood in full view of all holding up his hand stage thunder i assure you he said in a clear somewhat scornful voice it comes and goes at my bidding quite a part of the game believe me these sort of things are only toys for children again again ye petty elements he cried laughing and lifting his handsome face and flashing eyes to the dark heavens roar your best and roar i say such a terrific boom and clatter answered him as baffled all description it was as if a mountain of rock had fallen into ruins but having been assured that the noise was stage thunder merely the spectators were no longer alarmed and many of them expressed their opinion that it was wonderfully well done after this there gradually appeared against the sky a broad blaze of red light like the reflection of some great fire it streamed apparently upward from the ground bathing us all where we stood in its blood like glow the white dancing girls on and on their arms their lovely faces by the lurid flame while above them now flew creatures with black wings and and great night that and fluttered about for all the world as if they were truly alive and not mere stage properties another flash of lightning and one more of thunder and lo the undisturbed and fragrant night was about us clear and calm the young moon smiled in a heaven all the dancing girls had vanished the crimson glow had changed the sorrows of satan to a pure silvery radiance and an array of pretty pages in century of pale pink and blue stood before us with lighted flaming making a long avenue down which invited us to pass n on fair ladies and gallant gentlemen he cried this path of light leads not to that were far too dull an ending but to supper on follow your leader every eye was turned on his fine figure and striking countenance as with one hand he beckoned the guests between the double line of ft he stood a picture for a painter with those dark eyes of his with such strange mirth as could not be defined and the sweet half cruel wonderfully attractive smile playing upon his lips and with one accord the whole company after him shouting their applause and delight who could resist him not one in that assemblage at least there are few saints in society as i went with the rest i felt as though i were in some gorgeous dream my senses were all in a whirl i was giddy with excitement and could not stop to think or to the emotions by which i was governed had i possessed the force or the will to pause and consider i might possibly have come to the conclusion that there was something altogether beyond the ordinary power of man displayed in the successive wonders of this brilliant but i was like all the rest of society bent merely on the pleasure of the moment regardless of how it was procured what it cost me or how it affected others how many i see and know to day among the of and who are acting precisely as i acted then indifferent to the welfare of save themselves every penny that is not spent on their own advantage or amusement and too to even listen to the sorrows or difficulties or joys of others when these do not in some way near or remote touch their own interests they waste their time day after day in selfish trifling blind and unconscious to the fact that they are building up their own the sorrows of satan fate in the future that future which will prove all the more a terrible reality in proportion to the extent of our presumption in daring to doubt its truth more than four hundred guests sat down to supper in the largest a supper served in the most costly manner and furnished with luxuries that represented the utmost pitch of extravagance i ate and drank with at my side hardly knowing what i said or did in the whirling excitement of | 33 |
i asked anxiously for his death like alarmed me he looked at me his eyes and darkening and his hand fell with a heavy pressure on my shoulder a very strange illness he said in the same accents remorse have you never heard of it neither medicine nor are of any avail it is the worm that not and the flame that cannot be tut let us not talk of it no one can cure me no one will i am past hope but remorse if you have it and i cannot possibly imagine why for you have surely nothing to regret is not a physical i said and physical are the only ones troubling about you think he still smiling that strained and haggard smile the body is our chief care we it and make much of it feed it and it and guard it from so much as a pin of pain if we can and thus we flatter ourselves that all is well all be well yet it is but a clay bound to split and with the growth of the soul within the that flies with blind straight into the unknown and is dazzled by excess of light look out here he went on with an abrupt and softer change of tone look out at the shadowy beauty of your gardens now the flowers are asleep the trees are surely glad to be of all the gaudy artificial lamps that lately hung upon their branches there is the young moon her chin on the edge of a little cloud and sinking to sleep in the west a moment ago there was a late awake and singing you can feel the breath of the roses from the yonder all this is nature s work and how much fairer and sweeter it is now than when the lights were and the of o the sorrows of satan band music startled the small birds in their nests yet society would not appreciate this cool dusk this happy solitude society prefers a false glare to all true radiance and what is worse it tries to make true things take a second place as to sham ones and there comes in the mischief it is just like you to run down your own labours in the splendid of the day i said laughing you may call it a false glare if you like but it has been a most magnificent spectacle and certainly in the way of it will never be equalled or it will make you more talked about than even your book could do said me narrowly not the least doubt of that i replied society prefers food and amusement to any literature even the greatest by the by where are all the the and dancers gone gone i echoed already good heavens have they had supper they have had everything they want even to their pay said a trifle impatiently did i not tell you that when i undertake to do anything i do it thoroughly or not at all i looked at him he smiled but his eyes were sombre and scornful all right i responded carelessly not wishing to offend him have it your own way but upon my word to me it is all like devil s magic what is he asked everything the dancers the number of servants and pages why there must have been two or three hundred of them those wonderful the the supper everything i tell you and the most astonishing part of it now is that all these people should have cleared ou so soon the sorrows of satan well if you elect to call money devil s magic you are right said but surely in some cases not even money could procure such perfection of detail i began money can procure anything he interrupted a thrill of passion in his rich voice i told you that long ago it is a hook for the devil himself not that the devil could be supposed to care about world s cash personally but he generally a liking for the company of the man who possesses it possibly he knows what that man will do with it i speak of course but no can the power of money trust no man or woman s virtue till you have tried to purchase it with a round sum in hard cash money my excellent has done everything for you remember that you have done nothing for yourself that s not a very kind speech i said somewhat no and why because it s true i notice most people complain of when they are told a truth it is true and i see no in it you ve done nothing for yourself and you re not expected to do anything except and he laughed except just now to get to bed and dream of the i confess i am tired i said and an unconscious sigh escaped me and you his gaze rested on the outer landscape i also am tired he responded slowly but i never get away from my fatigue for i am tired of myself and i always rest badly good night good night i answered and then paused looking at him he returned my look with interest well he asked i forced a smile well i i do not know what i should say except that i wish i knew you as you are i feel that you were right in telling me once that you are not what you seem the sorrows of satan he still kept his eyes fixed upon me as you have expressed the wish he said slowly i promise you you shall know me as i am some day it may | 33 |
be well for you to know for the sake of others who may seek to cultivate my company i moved away to leave the room thanks for all the trouble you have taken to day i said in a lighter tone though i shall never be able to express my full gratitude in words if you want to thank anybody thank god that you have lived through it he replied why i asked astonished why because life hangs on a thread a society crush is the very of and exhaustion and that we escape with our lives from a general and is matter for that s all and god gets so few thanks as a rule that you may surely spare him a brief one for to day s satisfactory ending i laughed seeing no meaning in his words beyond the usual satire he affected i found waiting for me in my bedroom but i dismissed him abruptly the look of his and sullen face and saying i needed no attendance thoroughly fatigued i was soon in bed and asleep and the terrific that had produced the of the brilliant festival at which i had figured as host were not revealed to me by so much as a warning dream xxv a few days after the entertainment at and before the society papers had done talking about the magnificence and luxury displayed on that occasion i woke up one morning like the great poet to find myself famous not for any intellectual achievement not for any the sorrows of satan deed of heroism not for any resolved or noble attitude in society or politics no i owed my fame merely to a won the it was about a neck and neck contest between my and that of the prime minister and for a second or so the result seemed doubtful but as the two the goal whose thin figure clad in the brightest of bright scarlet silk stuck to his horse as though he were a part of it put to a pace he had never yet exhibited appearing to along the ground at literally flying speed the being that he a triumphant victory reaching the winning post a couple of yards or more ahead of his rival rent the air at the vigour displayed in the finish and i became the hero of the day the darling of the i was somewhat amused at the s discomfiture he took his beating rather badly he did not know me nor i him i was not of his politics and i did not care a for his feelings one way or the other but i was gratified in a certain sense to find myself suddenly acknowledged as a greater man than he because i was the owner of the before i well knew where i was i found myself being presented to the prince of wales who shook hands with me and congratulated me all the biggest in england were willing and eager to be introduced to me and inwardly i laughed at this exhibition of taste and culture on the part of the gentlemen of england that live at home at ease they crowded round whose wild eye warned strangers against taking liberties with him but who seemed not a whit the worse for his exertions and who apparently was quite ready to run the race over again with equal pleasure and success s dark sly face and cruel eyes were evidently not attractive to the majority of the gentlemen of the turf though his answers to all the put to him were admirably ready respectful and not without wit but to me the whole sum and substance of the occasion was the fact that i tempest once struggling author now the sorrows of satan was simply by virtue of my of the famous at last or what society considers famous that fame that for a man the attention of the nobility and gentry to quote from s and also the persistent and pursuit of all the who want jewels and horses and presented to them in exchange for a few kisses from their lips under the shower of compliments i received i stood apparently delighted smiling and courteous entering into the spirit of the occasion and shaking hands with my lord that and sir something nobody and his serene the grand duke so and so of beer land and his other serene of small but in my secret soul i scorned these people with their social and scorned them with such a deadly scorn as almost amazed myself when presently i walked off the course with who as usual seemed to know and to be friends with everybody he spoke in accents that were far more grave and gentle than i had ever heard him use before with all your there is something forcible and noble in your nature something which rises up in bold revolt falsehood and sham why in heaven s name do you not give it way i looked at him amazed and laughed give it way what do you mean would you have me tell that i know them as such and that i discern their lies my dear fellow society would become too hot to hold me it could not be or colder than hell if you believed in hell which you do not he rejoined in the same quiet voice but i did not assume that you should say these things straight out and to give offence an is not it is merely coarse to act nobly is better than to speak and what would you have me do i asked curiously the sorrows of satan he was silent for a moment and seemed to be earnestly almost painfully considering then he answered my | 33 |
a five fold will give an idea in hysterical of the general effect it was an amazing scene and one in which costly completely all considerations of solemnity or in the supposed divine the impressive command i require and charge ye both as ye will answer at the the sorrows of satan dreadful day of judgment did not obtain half so much awed attention as the exquisite knots of pearls and diamonds which fastened the bride s silver train to her shoulders all the world and his wife were present that is the social world which no other world exists though it is the least part of the community the prince of wales honoured us by his presence two great of the church performed the marriage in fulness of white sleeve and and equally imposing in the of their bodies and of their faces and was my best man he was in high almost wild spirits and during our drive to the church together had entertained me all the way with numerous droll stories mostly at the expense of the clergy when we reached the sacred edifice he said as he alighted did you ever hear it reported that the devil is unable to enter a church because of the cross upon it or within it i have heard some such nonsense i replied smiling at the humour expressed in his sparkling eyes and eloquent features it nonsense for the makers of the legend forgot one thing he continued dropping his voice to a whisper as we passed under the carved the cross may be present but so is the clergyman and wherever a clergyman goes the devil can follow i almost laughed aloud at his manner of making this observation and the look with which he accompanied it the rich tones of the organ creeping softly on the flower scented silence however quickly my mood and while i leaned against the altar rails waiting for my bride i caught myself wondering for the time or more at my comrade s singularly proud and aspect as with folded arms and lifted head he contemplated the altar and the gleaming upon it his meditative eyes a curious mingling of reverence and contempt the sorrows of satan one incident i remember as standing out particularly in all the glare and glitter of the brilliant scene and this occurred at the of our names in the register when a vision of loveliness in all her white her signature to the entry bent towards her as best man i claim an old fashioned privilege he said and kissed her lightly on the cheek she blushed a vivid red then suddenly grew ghastly pale and with a kind of choking cry back in a dead faint in the arms of one of her it was some minutes before she was restored to consciousness but she made light both of my alarm and the consternation of her friends and assuring us that it was nothing but the effect of the heat of the weather and the excitement of the day she took my arm and walked down the aisle through the brilliant ranks of her staring and envious society friends all of whom her good fortune not because she had married a worthy or gifted man that would have been no special matter for but simply because she had married five of money i was the to the millions nothing further she held her head high and though i felt her tremble as the thundering strains of the march from poured triumph on the air she trod on roses all the way i remembered that too afterwards her satin crushed the hearts of a thousand innocent things that must surely have been more dear to god than i he the little harmless souls of flowers whose task in fe sweetly fulfilled had been to create beauty and fragrance by their mere existence expired to gratify the vanity of one woman to whom nothing was sacred but i anticipate i was yet in my fool s dream and imagined that the dying blossoms were happy to perish thus beneath her tread a grand reception was held at lord s house after the ceremony and in the midst of the chattering the eating and the drinking we my newly made wife and i departed amid the and good wishes of our friends who n the sorrows of satan with the very finest champagne made a very decent show of being sincere the last person to say farewell to us at the carriage door was and the sorrow i felt at parting with him was more than i could express in words from the very hour of the dawning of my good fortune we had been almost inseparable companions i owed my success in society everything even my bride herself to his management and tact and though i had now won for my life s partner the most beautiful of women i could not contemplate even the temporary breaking of the association between myself and my gifted and brilliant comrade without a keen pang of personal pain amid my joys leaning his arms on the carriage window he looked in upon us both smiling my spirit will be with you both in all your he said and when you return i shall be one of the first to bid you welcome home your house party is fixed for september i believe yes and you will be the most eagerly desired guest of all invited i replied heartily pressing his hand for shame he retorted be not so of speech are you not going to entertain the prince the most popular of men and shall anyone be more eagerly desired than he no i must play a humble third or even fourth on your list where is concerned my is alas | 33 |
not that of wales and the throne i might claim if i had anyone to help me which i have not is a long way removed from that of england said nothing but her eyes rested on his handsome face and fine figure with an odd wonder and and she was very pale good bye lady he added gently all joy be with you to us who are left behind your absence will seem long but you ah love gives wings to time and what would be to ordinary folks a month of mere dull living will be for you nothing but a moment s rapture love is better the sorrows of satan than wealth you have found that out already i know but i think and hope that you are destined to make the knowledge more certain and complete think of me sometimes au the horses started a handful of rice flung by the society idiot who is always at rattled against the door and on the roof of the and stepped back waving his hand to the last we saw him a tall stately figure on the steps of lord s mansion surrounded by an fashionable throng in bright attire and young girls all eager and excited looking each of them no doubt longing fervently for the day to come when they might manage to secure as rich a husband as myself match making mothers and wicked old exhibiting lace on their and with diamonds men with white button hole in their fitting frock coats servants in gay and the usual street crowd of idle sight all this cluster of faces and flowers was piled against the grey background of the stone and in the midst the dark beauty of s face and the of his flashing eyes made him the conspicuous object and chief centre of attraction then the carriage turned a sharp corner the faces vanished and and i realized that from we were left alone alone to face the future and ourselves and to learn the lesson of love or hate for together xxvi i cannot now trace the slow or swift flitting by of events wild ghosts of days or weeks that drifted past and brought me gradually and finally to a time when i found myself wandering and stricken and sick at heart by the shores of a lake in a small lake the sorrows of satan blue with apparently a thought in its depths such as is reflected in a child s earnest eye i gazed down at the clear and glistening water almost the snow mountains surrounding it were too high for the lifting of my aching sight purity and radiance were to my mind crushed as it was h a weight of dismal and ruin what a fool i eve to have believed that in this world there could be such a thing as happiness misery stared me in the face life long misery and no escape but death misery it was the word which like a groan had been uttered by the three dreadful that had once in an evil vision disturbed my rest what had i done i demanded indignantly of myself to deserve this wretchedness which no wealth could cure why was fate so unjust like all my kind i was unable to discern the small yet strong links of the chain i had myself wrought and which bound me to my own i blamed fate or rather god and talked of injustice merely because personally suffered never that what i considered unjust was but the measuring forth of that eternal law which is carried out with as an as the movement of the notwithstanding man s efforts to its fulfilment the light wind blowing down from the snow peaks above me ruffled the of the little lake by which i strolled i watched the tiny break over its surface like the lines of laughter on a human face and wondered whether it was deep enough to drown in for what was the use of living on knowing what i knew knowing that she whom i had loved and whom i loved still in a way that was hateful to myself was a thing and more in character than the poor of the street who herself for current coin that the lovely body and angel face were but an attractive disguise for the soul of a a of vice my god an irrepressible cry escaped me as my thoughts went on and on in the never ending circle and problem of unspeakable despair and i threw myself the sorrows of satan down on a bank of grass that towards the lake and covered my face in a of agony still inexorable thought worked in my brain and forced me to consider my position was she was more to blame than i myself for all the strange wrought i had married her of my own free will land ca ice and she had told me beforehand i am a creature trained to perfection in the morals and literature of my day well and so it had proved my own blood burned with shame as i reflected how ample and convincing were the proofs and starting up from my posture i paced up and down again in a fever of self contempt and disgust what could i do with a woman such as she to whom i was now bound for life reform her she would laugh me to scorn for the attempt reform myself she would sneer at me for an besides was not i as willing to be degraded as she was to me a very victim to my brute passions tortured and by my feelings i about wildly and | 33 |
as if a pistol shot had been fired near me when the of oars sounded on the silence and the of a small boat on the shore the within it respectfully begging me in french to employ him for an hour i assented and in a minute or two was out on the lake in the middle of the red glow of sunset which turned the snow to points of flame and the water to the hue of wine i think the man who rowed me saw that i was in no very pleasant humour for he preserved a discreet silence and i pulling my hat partly over my eyes lay back in the stern still busy with my wretched only a month married and yet a sickening had taken the place of the so called lover s passion there were moments even when my wife s beauty appeared hideous to me i knew her as she was and no exterior charm could ever again cover for me the nature within and what puzzled me from dawn to dusk was her polished her amazing the sorrows of satan for lies to look at her to hear her speak one would have deemed her a very saint of purity a delicate creature whom a coarse word would and offend a very of the sweetest and most gracious womanhood all heart and feeling and sympathy thought thus of her and never was there a greater error heart she had none that fact was borne in upon me two days after our marriage while we were in paris for there a reached us her mother s death the of had it appeared expired suddenly on our or rather our wedding night but the earl had deemed it best to wait forty eight hours before interrupting our happiness with the melancholy tidings he followed his by a brief letter to his daughter in which the concluding lines were these as you are a bride and are travelling abroad i should advise you by no means to go into mourning under the circumstances it is not necessary and had readily accepted his suggestion keeping generally however to white and pale in her numerous and wonderful in order not to outrage the too openly in the opinions of persons known to her whom she might possibly meet casually in the foreign towns we visited no word of regret passed her lips and no tears were shed for her mother s loss she only said what a good thing her sufferings are over then with a little sarcastic smile she had added i wonder when we shall receive the wedding cards i did not reply for i was pained and grieved at her lack of all gentle feeling in the matter and i was also to a certain extent affected by the fact of the death on our marriage day however this was now a thing of the past a month had elapsed a month in which the of illusions had gone on daily and till i was left to contemplate the bare prose of life and the the sorrows of satan knowledge that i had wedded a beautiful animal with the soul of a here i pause and ask myself was not i also a yes i freely admit it but the of a man while it may run to excess in hot youth generally itself under the influence of a great love into a strong desire for sweetness and modesty in the woman beloved if a man has indulged in both folly and sin the time comes at last when if he has any good left in him at all he turns back upon himself and lashes his own vices with the whip of self contempt till he with the rage and pain of it and then aching in every pulse with his deserved he in spirit at the feet of some pure true hearted woman whose white soul like an angel above him and there lays down his life saying do what you will with it it is yours and woe to her who plays lightly with such a gift or works fresh injury upon it no man even if he has in his day indulged in rapid living should choose a rapid woman for his wife he had far better put a loaded pistol to his head and make an end of it the sunset glory began to fade from the landscape as the little boat glided on over the tranquil water and a great shadow was on my mind like the shadow of that outer darkness which would soon be night again i asked myself was there no happiness possible in all the world just then the from a little chapel on the shore and as it rang a memory stirred in my brain moving me well nigh to tears i was happy with her frank fearless eyes sweet face and bright nature wearing her crown of as simply as a child might wear a wreath of may blossom she with a merely moderate share of fortune which even in its slight proportion was only due to her own hard incessant work she was happy and i with my millions was wretched how was it why was it what had i done i had lived as my lived i had followed the lead of all society i had my friends and effectually my foes the sorrows of satan i had myself exactly as others of my wealth themselves and i had married a woman whom most men looking upon once would have been proud to win nevertheless there seemed to be a curse upon me what had i missed out of life i knew but was ashamed to | 33 |
own it because i had previously scorned what i called the of mere sentiment and now i had to acknowledge the importance of those dream out of which all true living must come i had to realize that my i marriage was nothing but the mere of the male and female animal a coarse bodily union and no more that all the finer and deeper emotions which make a holy thing of human were lacking the mutual respect the trusting sympathy the lovely confidence of mind with mind the subtle inner spiritual bond which no science can and which is so much closer and stronger than the material and immortal souls together when bodies decay these things had no existence and never would exist between my wife and me thus as far as i was concerned there was a strange in the world i was thrust back upon myself for comfort and found none what should i do with my life i wondered win fame true fame after all with s witch eyes mocking my efforts never if i had ever had any gifts of thought within me she would have killed it the hour was over the rowed me into land and i paid and dismissed him the sun had completely sunk there were dense purple shadows darkening over the mountains and one or two small stars were faintly in the east i walked slowly back to the villa where we were staying a d belonging to the large hotel of the district which we had for the sake of privacy and independence some of the hotel servants being off to attend upon us in addition to my own man and my wife s maid i found in the garden in a her eyes fixed on the after glow of the sunset and in the sorrows of satan her hands a book one of the of the novels that have been lately written by women to and shame their sex with a sudden impulse of rage upon me which i could not resist i snatched the volume from her and flung it into the lake below she made no movement of either surprise or offence she merely turned her eyes away from the glowing heavens and looked at me with a little smile how violent you are to day she said i gazed at her in sombre silence from the light hat with its pale that rested on her nut brown hair to the point of her embroidered shoe her dress was perfect and she was perfect knew that a piece of womanhood outwardly my heart beat there was a sense of in my throat i could have killed her for the mingled and longing which her beauty roused in me i am sorry i said hoarsely avoiding her gaze but i hate to see you with such a book as that you know its contents she with the same slight smile i can guess such things have to be written they say now a days she went on and certainly to judge from the bestowed on these sort of books by the press it is very evident that the wave of opinion is setting in the direction of letting girls know all about marriage before they enter upon it in order that they may do so with their eyes wide open very wide open she laughed and her laughter hurt me like a physical wound what an old fashioned idea the bride of the poets and sixty years ago seems now she continued imagine her a shrinking tender creature shy of timid of speech wearing the veil which in former days you know used to cover the face entirely as a symbol that the secrets of marriage were as yet hidden from the maiden s innocent and ignorant eyes now the veil is worn flung back from the bride s brows and the sorrows of satan she at everybody oh yes indeed we know quite well what we are doing now when we marry thanks to the new fiction the new fiction is detestable i said hotly both in style and morality even as a question of literature i wonder at your to read any of it the woman whose dirty book i have just thrown away and i feel no for having done it is destitute of grammar as well as decency oh but the critics don t notice that she interrupted with a delicate mockery in her voice it is not their business to assist in preserving the purity of the english language what they fall into over is the originality of the theme though i should have thought all such matters were as old as the hills i never read as a rule but i did happen to come across one on the book you have just drowned and in it the stated he had cried over it she laughed again beast i said emphatically he probably found in it some over of his own vices but you why do you read such stuff how can you read it curiosity moved me in the first place she answered i wanted to see what makes a cry then when i began to read i found that the story was all about the manner in which men amuse themselves with the soiled of the and bye ways and as i was very well instructed in that sort of thing i thought i might as well learn you know these unpleasant of information on subjects are like the suggestions of the devil if you listen to one you are bound to hear more besides literature is supposed to reflect the time we live in and that kind of literature being more than anything else we are compelled to | 33 |
accept and study it as the mirror of the age with an expression on her face that was half mirth and half the sorrows of satan scorn she rose from her seat and looked down into the lovely lake below her the fishes will eat that book she observed i hope it will not poison them if they could read and understand it what singular ideas they would have of us human beings why don t you read s books i asked suddenly you told me you admired her so i do immensely she answered i admire her and wonder at her both together how that woman can her child s heart and child s faith in a world like this than i can understand it is always a perfect marvel to me a sort of supernatural surprise you ask me why don t i read her books i do read them i ve read them all over and over again but she does not write many and one has to wait for her productions longer than for those of most authors when i want to feel like an angel i read but i more often am inclined to feel the other way and then her books are merely so many to me i echoed yes it is worrying to find somebody believing in a god when you can t believe in him to have beautiful offered to you which you can t grasp and to know that there is a creature alive a woman like f in everything except mind who is holding fast a happiness which you can never attain no not though you held out praying hands day and night and shouted wild appeals to the dull heavens p at that moment she looked like a queen of tragedy her violet eyes her lips apart her breast heaving i approached her with a strange nervous hesitation and touched her hand she gave it to me i drew it through my arm and for a minute or two we paced silently up and down the gravel walk the lights from the monster hotel which for us and our wants were beginning to twinkle from to roof and just above the we a of stars sparkled in the shape of a the sorrows of satan poor she said presently with a quick upward glance at me i am sorry for you with all my of disposition i am not a and at i have learned how to myself as well as others i read you as easily as i read a book i see what a strange tumult your mind is in you love me and you me i and the contrast of emotion makes a wreck of you and your hush don t speak i know i know but what would you have me be an angel i cannot realize such a being for more than a fleeting moment of a saint they were all a good woman i never met one innocent ignorant i told you before we married that i was neither there is nothing left for me to discover as far as the relations between men and women are concerned i have taken the measure of the inherent love of vice in both sexes there is not a pin to choose between them men are no worse than women women no worse than men i have discovered everything except god and i conclude no god could ever have designed such a crazy and mean business as human life while she thus spoke i could have fallen at her feet and implored her to be silent for she was giving utterance to some of the many thoughts in which i myself had frequently indulged and yet from her lips they sounded cruel unnatural and to a degree that made me shrink from her in fear and agony we had reached a little grove of pines and here in the silence and shadow i took her in my arms and stared upon the beauty of her face i whispered what is wrong with us both how is it that we do not seem to find the loveliest side of love why is it that even in our kisses and embraces some darkness comes between us so that we anger or weary each other when we should be glad and satisfied what is it can you tell for you know the darkness is there a curious look came into her eyes a far away strained the sorrows of satan look of hungry yearning mingled as i thought with compassion for me yes it is there she answered slowly and it is of our own mutual creation i believe you have something nobler in your nature than i have in mine an something that from me and my theories despite your wish and will perhaps if you had given way to that feeling in time you would never have married me you speak of the loveliest side of love to me there is no lovely side it is all coarse and horrible you and i for instance man and woman we cannot in marriage get a flight beyond the common emotions of and his girl she laughed violently and shuddered in my arms what the poets are they ought to be to life long imprisonment for their they help to mould the of a woman s heart in her early youth she reads their delicious assurances and that love will be all they teach a thing divine and lasting beyond earthly then comes the coarse finger of prose on the wing of and the bitterness and of complete i held her still in my arms with the fierce grasp of a man clinging to | 33 |
a ere he s in mid ocean but i love you my wife i love you i said with a passion that choked my utterance i you love me yes i know but how in a way that is to yourself she replied it is not poetic love it is man s love and man s love is brute love so it is so be so it must be moreover the brute love soon and when it dies out from there is nothing left nothing absolutely nothing but a blank and civil form of intercourse which i do not doubt we shall be able to keep up for the admiration and comment of society she disengaged herself from my embrace and moved towards the house come she added turning her exquisite head back over the sorrows of satan her shoulder with a caressing grace that she alone possessed you know there is a famous lady in london who her charms to the outside public by means of her worked into the lace of all her thinking it no doubt good for trade i am not quite so bad as that you have paid dearly for me i know but remember i as yet wear no jewels but yours and no gifts beyond those you are generous enough to bestow and my dutiful desire is to give you as much full value as i can for your money you kill me i cried tortured beyond endurance do you think me so base i broke off with almost a sob of despair you cannot help being base she said steadily regarding me because you are a man i am base because i am a woman if we believed in a god either of us we might discover some different way of life and love who knows but neither you nor i have any remnant of faith in a being whose existence all the of the day are ever at work to we are persistently taught that we are animals and nothing more let us therefore not be ashamed of and are approved by the and applauded by the press and the clergy are powerless to enforce the faith they preach come don t stay like a stricken under those pines throw away that thing which troubles you your conscience throw it away as you have thrown the book i was lately reading and consider this that most men of your type take pride and rejoice in being the prey of a bad woman so you should really congratulate yourself on having one for a wife one who is so broad minded too that she will always let you have your own way in everything you do provided you let her have hers it is the way all marriages are arranged now at any rate in our set otherwise the tie would be impossible of endurance come we cannot live together on such an understanding the sorrows of satan i said hoarsely as i walked slowly by her side towards the villa oh yes we can she a little smile playing round her lips we can do as others do there is no necessity for us to stand out from the rest like fools and pose as models to other married people we should only be detested for our pains it is surely better to be popular than virtuous virtue never pays see there is our interesting german waiter coming to inform us that dinner is ready please don t look so utterly miserable for we have not quarrelled and it would be foolish to let the servants think we have i made no answer we entered the house and dined keeping up a perfect fire of conversation to which i replied in mere and after dinner we went as usual to sit in the illuminated gardens of the adjacent hotel and hear the band was known and universally admired and flattered by many of the people staying there and as she moved about among her acquaintances first with one group and then with another i sat in moody silence watching her with increasing and horror her beauty seemed to me like the beauty of the poison flower which brilliant in colour and perfect in shape death to those who pluck it from its stem and that night when i held her in my arms and felt her heart beating against my own in the darkness an awful dread arose in me a dread as to whether i might not at some time or other be tempted to her as she lay on my breast her as one would a that sucked one s blood and strength away we concluded our wedding tour rather sooner than we had at first intended and returned to england and court about the middle of august i had a vague notion the sorrows of satan stirring in me that gave me a sort of dim consolation and it was this i meant to bring my wife and together believing that the gentle influence of the gracious and happy creature who like a contented bird in its nest dwelt serene in the little domain so near my own might have a softening and wholesome effect upon s pitiless love of analysis and scorn of all noble the heat in was at this time intense the roses were out in their full beauty and the thick foliage of the oaks and elms in my grounds afforded grateful shade and repose to the tired body while the tranquil loveliness of the and meadow scenery comforted and soothed the equally tired mind after all there is no country in the world so fair as england none so richly endowed with forest and fragrant flowers none that can boast of sweeter for seclusion | 33 |
and romance in italy that land so over praised by hysterical who foolishly deem it admirable to any country save their own the fields are arid and brown and by the too fervent sun there are no shady lanes such as england can boast of in all her and the among for cutting down their finest trees has not only actually injured the climate but has so spoilt the landscape that it is difficult to believe at all in its once renowned and still reported charm such a bower of beauty as lily cottage was in that august could never have been discovered in all the length and breadth of italy the care of her gardens herself she had two who under her directions kept the grass and trees continually watered and nothing could be imagined more lovely than the picturesque old fashioned house covered with roses and of that seemed to tie up the roof in knots and while around the building spread the reaches of deep lawn and of foliage where all the most musical song birds apparently found refuge and delight and where at evening a perfect of night in the sorrows of satan kept up a fountain of delicious melody i remember well the afternoon warm languid and still when i took to see the woman author she had so long admired the heat was so great that in our own grounds all the birds were silent but when we approached lily cottage the first thing we heard was the of a up somewhere among the roses mellow liquid expressing sweet content and mingling with the subdued of the dove who were on whatever pleased or displeased them in the distance what a pretty place it is said my wife as she peeped over the gate and through the of and i really think it is prettier than it has been wonderfully improved we were shown in and who had expected our visit did not keep us waiting long as she entered clad in some white stuff that clung softly about her pretty figure and was in by a simple ribbon an odd sickening pang went through my heart the fair face the joyous yet dreamy student eyes the sensitive mouth and above all the radiant look of happiness that made the whole expression of her features so bright and fascinating taught me in one flash of conviction all that a woman might be and all that she too frequently was not and i had hated i had even taken up my pen to deal her a wanton blow through the medium of criticism but this was before i knew her before i realized that there could be any difference between her and the female who so frequently pose as without being able to write correct english and who talk in public of their copy with the gained firom street and the cheap yes i had hated her and now now almost i loved her tall and beautiful gazed upon her with eyes that expressed astonishment as well as admiration to think that you are the famous she said u o the sorrows of satan smiling as she held out her hand i always heard and knew that you did not look at all literary but i never quite realized that you could be exactly what i see you are to look literary does not always imply that you are literary returned laughing a little too often i am afraid you will find that the women who take pains to look literary are ignorant of literature but how glad i am to see you lady do you know i used to watch you playing about on the at when i was quite a little girl and i used to watch responded you used to make chains and balls in the fields opposite on the other side of the it is a great pleasure to me to know we are neighbours you must come and see me often at did not answer immediately she busied herself in pouring out tea and it to both of us who was always on the alert for glimpses of character noticed that she did not answer and repeated her words you will come will you not as often as you like the oftener the better we must be friends you know looked up then a frank sweet smile in her eyes do you really mean it she asked mean it echoed why of course i do how can you doubt it i exclaimed well you must both forgive me for asking such a question said still smiling but you see you are now among what are called the county and county consider themselves infinitely above all authors she laughed outright and her blue eyes with fun i think many of them estimate writers of books as some sort of strange of humanity that is barely decent it is funny and always me nevertheless among my many faults the biggest one is i fancy pride and a dreadfully obstinate spirit of independence now to tell you the truth i have been asked by many so called great people to their the sorrows of satan houses and when i have gone i have generally been sorry for it afterwards why i asked they honour themselves by inviting you oh i don t think they take it in that way at all she replied shaking her fair head they fancy they have performed a great act of condescension whereas it is really i who condescend for it is very good of me you know to leave the society of the in my study for that of a and lady of fashion her bright smile again her face and she went on once i was asked to luncheon with a certain baron and who invited a few guests to meet | 33 |
by his appearance when i first saw him but afterwards after i had studied him a little the conviction was borne in upon me that he was not altogether what he seemed that is exactly what he says of himself i answered laughing a little he has a mystery i believe and he has promised to clear it up for me some day but i m sorry you don t like him miss for he likes you the sorrows of satan perhaps when i meet him again my ideas may be different said gently at present well do not let us talk of it any more indeed i feel i have been very rude to express any opinion at all concerning one for whom you and lady have so great a regard but somehow i seemed impelled almost against my will to say what i did just now her soft eyes looked pained and puzzled and to relieve her and change the subject i asked if she was writing anything new oh yes she replied it would never do for me to be idle the public are very kind to me and no sooner have they read one thing of mine than they for another so i am kept very busy and what of the critics i asked with a good deal of curiosity she laughed i never pay the least attention to them she answered except when they are hasty and enough to write lies about me then i very naturally take the liberty to contradict those lies either through my own statement or that of my lawyers apart from refusing to allow the public to be led into a false notion of my work and aims i have no grudge whatever against the critics they are generally very poor hard working men and have a frightful struggle to live i have often privately done some of them a good turn without their knowledge a of mine sent me an ms the other day by one of my enemies on the press and stated that my opinion would decide its or acceptance i read it through and though it was not very brilliant work it was good enough so i praised it as warmly as i could and urged its publication with the that the author should never be told i had had the casting vote it has just come out i see and i m sure i hope it will succeed here she paused to gather a few deep roses which she handed to yes critics are very badly even cruelly the sorrows of satan paid she went on it is not to be expected that they should write of the successful author while they continue unsuccessful such work could not be anything but and to them i know the poor little wife of one of them and settled her s bill for her because she was afraid to show it to her husband the very week afterwards he away at my last book in the most approved style in the paper on which he is employed and got i suppose about a guinea for his trouble of course he didn t know about his little wife and her and he never will know because i have bound her over to secrecy but why do you do such things asked astonished i would have let his wife get into the county court for her bill if i had been you would you and smiled gravely well i could not you know who it was that said bless them that curse you and do good to them that hate you besides the poor little woman was frightened to death at her own expenditure it is pitiful you know to see the helpless es of people who will live beyond their they suffer much more than the beggars in the street who make frequently more than a pound a day by mere and the critics are much more in evil case than the beggars few of them make even a pound a day and of course they regard as their natural enemies the authors who make thirty to fifty pounds a week i assure you i am very sorry for critics all round they are the least regarded and worst rewarded of all the literary community and i never bother myself at all about what they say of me except as i before observed when in their haste they tell lies then of course it becomes necessary for me to state the truth in simple self defence as well as by way of duty to my public but as a rule i hand over all my press notices to th re indicating the minute who followed closely at the edge of her white gown and he tears them to in about three minutes the sorrows of satan she laughed merrily and smiled watching her with the same wonder and admiration that had been expressed in her looks more or less since the beginning of our interview ith this light hearted possessor of literary fame we were now walking towards the gate preparatory to taking our departure may i come and talk to you sometimes my wife said suddenly in her prettiest and most pleading voice it would be such a privilege you can come whenever you like in the replied readily the mornings belong to a goddess more dominant even than beauty work you never work at night i asked indeed no i never turn the of nature down as i am sure i should get the worst of it if i made such an attempt the night is for sleep and i use it for that blessed purpose some authors can only write at night though i said then you may be sure they only produce pictures and indistinct said some i know | 33 |
there are who invite inspiration through gin or as well as through the midnight influences but i do not believe in such methods morning and a rested brain are required for literary labour that is if one wants to write a book that will last for more than one season she accompanied us to the gate and stood under the porch her big dog beside her and the roses waving high over her head at work with you said fixing upon her a long intent almost envious gaze you look perfectly happy l am perfectly happy she answered smiling i have nothing in all the world to wish for except that i may die as peacefully as i have lived may that day be far distant i said earnestly she raised her soft meditative eyes to mine i the sorrows of satan thank you she responded gently but i do not mind when it comes so long as it finds me ready she waved her hand to us as we left her and turned the corner of the lane and for some minutes we walked on slowly in absolute silence then at last spoke i quite understand the hatred there is in some quarters for she said i am afraid i begin to hate her myself i stopped and stared at her astonished and confounded you begin to hate her you and why are you so blind that you cannot perceive why she retorted the little smile i knew so well playing round her lips because she is happy because she has no in her life and because she dares to be content one to make her miserable but how to do it she believes in a god she thinks all he is right and good with such a firm faith as that she would be happy in a garret earning but a few pence a day i see now perfectly how she has won her public it is by the absolute conviction she has herself of the theories of life she tries to what can be done against her nothing but i understand why the critics would like to her if i were a critic fond of and and music hall women i should like to her myself for being so different to the rest of her sex what an incomprehensible woman you are i exclaimed with real irritation you admire miss s books you have always admired them you have asked her to become your friend and almost in the same breath you you would like to her or to make her miserable i confess i cannot understand you of course you cannot she responded her eyes resting upon me with a curious expression as we paused for an instant under the deep shade of a chestnut tree before entering our own grounds i never supposed you could and unlike the ordinary i have never the sorrows of satan i blamed you for your want of comprehension it has taken me some time to understand myself and even now i am not quite sure that i have the depths or of my own nature correctly but on this matter of can you not imagine that may hate goodness that the confirmed may hate the sober citizen that the outcast may hate the innocent maiden and that it is y that i reading life as i do and finding it in many of its aspects di trusting men and women utterly and being destitute of any faith in god may hate yes hate and she clenched her hand on a of drooping leaves and scattered the green fragments at her feet a woman who finds life beautiful and god who takes no part in our social and and who in place of my spirit of analysis has secured an fame and the honour of thousands allied to a serene content why it would be something worth living for to make such a woman wretched for once in her life but as she is constituted it is to do it she turned from me and walked slowly onward i following in a pained silence if you do not mean to be her friend you should tell her so i said presently you heard what she said about pretended of regard i heard she replied she is a clever woman and you may trust her to find me out without any explanation as she said this i raised my eyes and looked full at her her exceeding beauty was becoming almost an agony to my sight and in a sudden fool s of despair i exclaimed oh why were you made as you are ah why indeed she rejoined with a faint mocking smile and why being made as i am was i born an earl s daughter if i had been an of the street i should have been in my proper place and novels would have been i the sorrows of satan written about me and plays and i might have become such a heroine as should cause all good men to weep for joy because of my generosity in encouraging their vices but as an daughter married to a i am a mistake of nature yet nature does make mistakes sometimes and when she does they are generally we had now reached our own grounds and i walked in miserable mood beside her across the lawn towards the house i said at last i had hoped you and might be friends she laughed so we shall be friends i for a little while she replied but the dove does not willingly with the and s way of life and habits would be to me dull besides as i said before she as a clever woman and a is too clear sighted not | 33 |
to find me out in the course of time but i will play as long as i can if i perform the part of county lady or patron of course she won t stand me for a moment i shall have to assume a much more difficult that of an honest woman again she laughed a cruel little laugh that chilled my blood and paced slowly into the house through the open windows of the drawing room and i left alone in the garden among the nodding roses and waving trees felt that the beautiful domain of had suddenly grown hideous and of all its former charm and was nothing but a haunted house of desolation haunted by an all dominant and ever victorious spirit of evil i v w the sorrows of satan one of the strangest things in all the strange course of our human life is perhaps the suddenness of certain for events which in a day or even an hour may work utter where there has been more or less peace and hopeless ruin where there has been comparative safety like the shock of an earthquake the incidents thunder in on the regular routine of ordinary life crumbling down our hopes breaking our hearts and scattering our pleasures into the dust and ashes of despair and this kind of destructive trouble generally happens in the midst of apparent prosperity without the least warning and with all the abrupt of a it is constantly made manifest to us in the unexpected and almost of certain members of society who have held their heads proudly above their and have presumed to pose as examples of light and leading to the whole community we see it in the capricious fortunes of kings and who are in favour one day and disgraced the next and vast changes are wrought with such inexplicable quickness that it is scarcely wonderful to hear of certain religious who when everything is more than usually well with them make haste to put on garments of and cast ashes on heads praying aloud prepare us o lord for the evil days which are at hand the moderation of the who considered it to either rejoice or grieve and strove to maintain an middle course between the opposing elements of sorrow and joy without allowing themselves to be led away by delight or over much melancholy was surely a wise habit of temperament i who lived miserably as far as my inner and better consciousness was concerned was yet outwardly satisfied with the material things of life and the luxuries surrounding me and i began to take comfort in these things the sorrows of satan and with them endeavoured to and my subtle succeeding so far in that i became more and more of a thorough every day loving bodily ease food costly wine and personal indulgence to a degree that robbed me gradually of even the desire for mental effort i taught myself moreover almost to accept and what i knew of the wanton side of my wife s character true i respected her less than the respects the creature of his but like the i took a certain savage satisfaction in being the possessor of her beauty and with this feeling and the brute passion it i was fain to be i content so that for a short time at least the drowsy of a well fed well animal was mine i fancied that nothing short of a financial catastrophe to the country itself could my stock of cash and that therefore there was no necessity for me to exert myself in any particular branch of usefulness but simply to eat drink and be merry as solomon advised intellectual activity was in me to take up my pen and write and make another and higher bid for fame was an idea that now never entered my mind i spent my days in ordering about my servants and the petty pleasures of tyranny on and and in generally giving myself airs of importance mingled with an assumption of and benevolence for the benefit of all those in my employ i knew the proper thing to do well enough i had not studied the ways of the over wealthy for nothing i was aware that the rich man never feels so thoroughly virtuous as when he has inquired after the health of his coachman s wife and has sent her a couple of pounds for the of her new born baby the much of kindness of heart and generosity possessed by generally to this kind of thing and when if idly strolling about my park lands i happened to meet the small child of my lodge keeper and then and there bestowed sixpence upon it i almost felt as if i deserved a throne in heaven at the right hand of the almighty the sorrows of satan so great was my appreciation of my own good nature however never affected this sort of county she did nothing at all among our poor neighbours the clergyman of the district unfortunately happened to let slip one day a few words to the effect that there was no great want of anything among his owing to the continual kindness and attention of miss and never from that moment proffered any assistance now and then she took her graceful person into lily cottage and sat with its happy and for an hour and occasionally the fair author herself came and dined with us or had afternoon tea under the on the lawn but even i intense as i was could see that was scarcely herself on these occasions she was always charming and bright of course indeed the only times in which i was able to partially forget myself and the increasing importance of my personality in my own esteem were when she with | 33 |
her sweet voice and animated manner brought her wide knowledge of books men and things to bear on the conversation thus raising it to a higher level than was ever reached by my wife or me yet i now and then noticed a certain vague about her and her frank eyes had frequently a pained and questioning look of trouble when they rested for any length of time on the beauty of s face and form i however paid little heed to these trifling matters my whole care being to lose myself more and more utterly in the enjoyment of purely physical ease and comfort without troubling myself as to what such self might lead in the future to be completely without a conscience without a heart and without sentiment was i perceived the best way to keep one s appetite and preserve one s health to go about worrying over the troubles of other people or put one s self out to do any good in the world would involve such an expenditure of time and trouble as must inevitably spoil one s and i saw that no or even rich man cares to run v the sorrows of satan the risk of his for the sake of performing a kindness to a poorer fellow creature by the examples presented to me everywhere in society i took care of my and was particular about the way in which my meals were cooked and served particular too as to the fashion in which my wife dressed for those meals for it suited my supreme humour to see her beauty as and richly as possible that i might have the satisfaction of considering her points with the same as i considered a dish of or specially prepared game i never thought of the stem and absolute law unto whom much is given even from him should much be required i was scarcely aware of it in fact the new testament was of all books in the world the most to me and while i myself to the voice of conscience that voice which ever and anon urged me in vain to a nobler existence the clouds were gathering ready to burst above me with that terrific suddenness such as always seems to us who refuse to study the causes of our as astonishing and startling as death itself for we are always more or less startled at death notwithstanding that it is the commonest occurrence known towards the middle of september my royal and distinguished house party arrived and stayed at court for a week of course it is understood that whenever the prince of wales honours any private residence with a visit he if not all at any rate the greater part of those persons who are to be invited to meet him he did so in the present instance and i was placed in the odd position of having to entertain certain people whom i had never met before and who with the questionable taste frequently exhibited among the upper ten looked upon me merely as the man with the millions the for their provisions and no more directing their chief attention to who was by virtue of her birth and associations one of their set and pushing me their host more or less into the background the sorrows of satan however the glory of entertaining more than for my poor pride at that time and with less self respect than an honest cur i was content to be and harassed and worried a hundred times a day by one or the other of the great personages who wandered at will ail over my house and grounds and accepted my lavish hospitality many people imagine that it must be an honour to entertain a select party of but i on the contrary consider that it is not only a degradation to one s and more independent instincts but also a bore these highly bred highly connected individuals are for the most part and devoid of resources in their own minds they are not gifted as or wits one gains no intellectual advantage from their society they are simply dull folk with an exaggerated sense of their own importance who expect wherever they go to be amused without trouble to themselves out of all the visitors at the only one whom it was really a pleasure to entertain was the prince of wales himself and amid the many personal i had to suffer from others i found it a positive relief to render him any attention however slight because his manner was always marked by that tact and courtesy which are the best attributes of a true gentleman whether he be prince or peasant in his own genial way he went one afternoon to see and came back in high good humour talking for some time of nothing but the author of differences and of the success she had achieved in literature i had asked to join our party before the prince came as i felt pretty sure he would not have her name from the list of guests submitted to him but she would not accept and begged me very earnestly not to press the point i like the prince she had said everybody likes him who knows him but i do not always like the people who surround him pardon me for my frankness the prince of wales is a social he draws after him all who by dint of wealth if not intelligence can contrive to push into the sorrows of satan his set now i am not an advocate of push moreover i do not care to be seen with everybody this is my sinful pride you will say or as our american cousins would put it my but i assure you mr tempest the | 33 |
best i possession i have and one which i value a great deal more even than my literary success is my absolute independence and i would not have it thought even that i am anxious to mix with the crowd of and time who are only too ready to take advantage of the prince s and acting upon her determination she had remained more than ever secluded in her cottage nest of foliage and flowers during the progress of the week s the result being as i have stated that the prince dropped in upon her quite casually one day accompanied by his and probably for all i knew had the pleasure of seeing the dove being fed and over their meal much as we had desired the presence of at our gathering he did not appear he his regrets from paris and followed the by a characteristic letter which ran thus my dear tempest you are very kind to wish to include me your old friend in the party you have invited to meet his royal and i only hope you will not think me for refusing to come i am sick to death of i have known so many of them in the course of my existence that i begin to find their society monotonous their positions are all so exactly alike too and moreover have always been alike from the days of solomon in all his glory down to the present blessed era of victoria queen and one for a change at least i do the only monarch that ever fascinated my imagination particularly was richard de lion there was something original and striking about that man and i presume he would have been well worth talking to and the sorrows of satan was doubtless as the young man of the day would observe not half bad but for the rest much talk is there made about her majesty elizabeth who was a and a and blood thirsty withal the chief glory of her reign was shakespeare and he made kings and queens the dancing of his thought in this though in nothing else i resemble him you will have enough to do in the entertainment of your distinguished guests for i e there is no amusement they have not tried and found more or less unsatisfactory and i am sorry i can suggest nothing particularly new for you to do her grace the of is very fond of being tossed in a strong table cloth between four able gentlemen of good birth and discretion before going to bed o nights she cannot very well appear on a music hall stage you know owing to her exalted rank and this is a child like pretty and harmless method of managing to show her legs which she rightly considers are too to be hidden lady whose name i see in your list always likes to cheat at cards i would aid and her in her aim if i were you as if she can only clear her s bill by her at she will bear it in mind and be a useful social friend to you the honourable miss who has a great reputation for virtue is anxious for pressing and particular reasons to marry lord if you can move on matters between them into a definite engagement of marriage before her lady mother returns from her duty visits in scotland you will be doing her a good turn and saving society a scandal to amuse the men i suggest plenty of shooting gambling and unlimited smoking to entertain the prince little for he is clever enough to entertain himself privately with the folly and of those he sees around him without actually sharing in the petty comedy he is a keen observer and must derive infinite gratification from his constant study of men and manners which is sufficiently deep and searching to fit him for the occupation of even the throne of england i say the sorrows of satan even for at present till time s great hour glass turns it is the throne in the world the prince reads understands and secretly laughs to scorn the table cloth of the of the of my lady and the nervous of the honourable miss and there is nothing he will appreciate so much in his reception as a lack of a sincere an hospitality a simplicity of speech and a total absence of affectation remember this and take my advice for what it is worth of all the at present flourishing on this paltry planet i have the greatest respect for the prince of wales and it is by reason of this very respect that i do not intend on this occasion to thrust myself upon his notice i shall arrive at when your royal are over my homage to your fair the lady and believe me yours as long as you desire it i laughed over this letter and showed it to my wife who did not laugh she read it through with a of attention that somewhat surprised me and when she laid it down there was a strange look of pain in her eyes how he us all she said slowly what scorn his words do you not recognise it he was always a i replied indifferently i never expect him to be anything else he seems to know some of the ways of the women who are coming here she went on in the same musing accents it is as if he read their thoughts and perceived their intentions at a distance her brows and she seemed for some time absorbed in gloomy meditation but i did not pursue the subject i was too intent on my own preparations for the prince s arrival to care about anything else and as i have said in the person of one of the the | 33 |
sorrows of satan most of men came and went gracefully through the whole programme devised for his entertainment and then departed again with his usual courteous for the hospitality offered and accepted leaving us as he very often leaves everybody charmed with his good humour provided that nothing has ruffled it when with his exit from the scene the whole party broke up leaving my wife and me to our own two selves once more there came a strange silence and desolation over the house that was like the stealthy sense of some approaching calamity seemed to feel it as much as i did and though we said nothing to each other concerning our mutual sensations i could see that she was under the same cloud of depression as myself she went oftener to lily cottage and always from these visits to the fair haired student among the roses came back i fancied in softer mood her very voice was her eyes more thoughtful and tender one evening she said i have been thinking that perhaps there is some good in life after all if i could only find it out and live it but you are the last person to help me in such a matter i was sitting in an arm chair near the open window smoking and i turned my eyes upon her with some astonishment and a touch of indignation what do you mean i asked surely you know that i have the greatest desire to see you always in your best aspect many of your ideas have been most to me stop there she said quickly her eyes flashing as she spoke my ideas have been to you you say what have you done you as my husband to change those ideas have you not the same base passions as i and do you not give way to them as what have i seen in you from day to day that i should take you an example you are master here and you rule all the wealth can give you eat drink and sleep you entertain your acquaintances simply that you may astonish the sorrows of satan them by the excess of luxury in which you indulge you read and smoke shoot and ride and there an end you are an ordinary not an exceptional man do you trouble to ask what is wrong with me do you try with the patience of a great love to set before me nobler aims than those i have or unconsciously do you try to lead me an passionate woman into what i dream of as the light the light of faith and hope which alone gives peace and suddenly burying her head in the pillows of the couch on which she leaned she broke into a fit of smothered weeping i drew my cigar from my mouth and stared at her helplessly it was about an hour after dinner and a warm soft evening i had eaten and drunk well and i was drowsy and heavy dear me i murmured you seem very unreasonable i suppose you are hysterical she sprang up from the couch her tears dried on her cheeks as though by sheer heat of the crimson glow that flushed them and she laughed wildly yes that is it she exclaimed nothing else it is for everything that moves a woman s nature a woman has no right to have any emotions that cannot be cured by smelling heart ache cut her stay lace despair and a sense of sin and misery nonsense her temples with an uneasy conscience ah for an uneasy conscience there is nothing better than woman is a toy toy and when she is broken throw her aside and have done with her don t try to piece together the fragile rubbish she ceased abruptly panting for breath and before i could collect my thoughts or find any words wherewith to reply a tall shadow suddenly darkened the of the window and a familiar voice inquired the sorrows of satan may i with the privilege of friendship enter i started up i cried seizing him by the hand nay my homage is due here first he replied shaking off my grasp and advancing to who stood perfectly still where she had risen up in her strange passion am i welcome can you ask it she said with an smile and in a voice from which all and excitement had fled more than welcome here she gave him both her hands which he respectfully kissed you cannot imagine how much i have longed to see you again i must for my sudden appearance he then observed turning to me but as i walked here from the station and came up your fine avenue of trees i was so struck with the loveliness of this place and the exquisite peace of its surroundings that knowing my way through the grounds i thought i would just look about and see if you were anywhere within sight before i presented myself at the conventional door of entrance and i was not disappointed i found you as i expected enjoying each other s society the happiest and most fortunate couple people whom out of all the world i should be disposed to envy if i envied worldly happiness at all which i do not i glanced at him quickly he met my gaze with a perfectly air and i concluded that he had not overheard s sudden outburst have you dined i asked with my hand on the bell thanks yes the town of provided me with quite a of bread and cheese and ale i am tired of luxuries you know that is why i find plain fare delicious you are looking wonderfully well | 33 |
shall i offend you if i say you are growing yes positively stout with the a true county gentleman who the sorrows of satan means to be as in the future as his respectable ancestors i smiled but not altogether with pleasure it is never agreeable to be called stout in the presence of a beautiful woman to whom one has only been wedded a matter of three months k a have not put on any extra flesh i said by way of feeble retort no he admitted as he disposed his slim elegant figure in an arm chair near my own the necessary quantity of flesh is a bore to me always extra flesh would be a positive i should like as the though reverend smith said on a hot day to sit in my bones or rather to become a spirit of fine essence like shakespeare s if such things were possible and how admirably married life with a lady his fine eyes rested upon her with apparent admiration she flushed under his gaze i saw and seemed confused when did you arrive in england she inquired yesterday he answered i ran over channel from in my you did not know i had a did you tempest oh you must come for a trip in her some day she is a quick vessel and the weather was fair is with you i asked no i left him on board the i can as the common people say myself for a day or two a day or two echoed but you surely will not leave us so soon you promised to make a long visit here did i and he regarded her steadily with the same admiration in his eyes but my dear lady time our ideas and i am not sure whether you and your excellent husband are of the same opinion as you were when you started on your wedding tour you may not want me now he said this with a significance to which i paid no heed whatever the sorrows of satan not want you i exclaimed i shall always want you you are the best friend i ever had and the only one i care to keep believe me there s my hand upon it he looked at me curiously for a minute then turned his head towards my wife and what does lady say he asked in a gentle almost caressing tone lady says she answered with a smile and the colour coming and going in her cheeks that she will be proud and glad if you will consider your home as long as you have leisure to make it so and that she hopes though you are to be a of women here she raised her beautiful eyes and fixed them full upon him you will a little in favour of your present with these words and a playful salutation she passed out of the room into the garden and stood on the lawn at a little distance from us her white robes in the mellow twilight and springing up from his seat looked after her clapping his hand down heavily on my shoulder by heaven he said softly a perfect woman i should be a to withstand her or you my good and he regarded me earnestly i have led a very devil of a life since i saw you last it s time i upon my soul it is the peaceful contemplation of virtuous marriage will do me good send for my luggage to the station and make the best of me f ve come to stay f the sorrows of satan a tranquil time now ensued a time which though i knew it not was just that singular pause so frequently observed in nature before a storm and in human life before a crushing calamity i put aside all troublesome and thoughts and became of everything save my own personal satisfaction in the renewal of the between myself and we walked together rode together and passed most of our in each other s company nevertheless though i gave my friend much of my i never spoke to him of the moral and per i had discovered in s character not out of any consideration for but simply because i knew by instinct what his reply would be he would have no sympathy with my feelings his keen sense of sarcasm would over rule his friendship and he would retort upon me with the question what business had i being imperfect myself to expect perfection in my wife like many others of my sex i had the notion that i as man could do all i pleased when i pleased and how i pleased i could sink to a level lower than that of the beasts if i chose but all the same i had the right to demand from my wife the most purity to mate with my i was aware how would treat this form of and with what mocking laughter he would receive any expression of ideas from me on the subject of morality in woman so i was careful to let no hint of my actual position escape me and i myself on all occasions to with special tenderness and consideration though she i thought appeared rather to resent my playing the part of lover husband too openly she was herself in s presence strangely of humour by turns brilliant and mournful sometimes merry and anon depressed yet never had she displayed a more grace and charm of the sorrows of satan manner how foolish and blind i was all the while how dead to any perception of the formation and of events absorbed in gross material pleasures i ignored all the hidden forces make the history of an individual life no | 33 |
less than of a whole nation and looked upon each day dawned almost as if it had been my own creation and possession to waste as i thought fit never considering tl t days are but so many white from god s chronicle of human life whereon we place our mark good or bad for the just and exact up of our thoughts and deeds hereafter had any one dared to say this truth to me then i should have bade him go and preach nonsense to children but now when i recall those white leaves of days that were before me fresh and blank with every sunrise and with which i did nothing save my own in a foul across each one i tremble and inwardly pray that i may never be forced to send back my self written record yet of what use is it to pray against eternal law it is eternal law that we shall ourselves count up our own at the final reckoning hence it is no wonder that many are found who prefer not to believe in a future after death rightly do such esteem it better to die utterly than be forced to live again and look back upon the wilful evil they have done october slowly and almost towards its end and the trees put on their gorgeous tints of burning crimson and gold the weather remained fine and warm and what the french term the summer of all saints gave us bright days and evenings the air was so mild that we were always able to take our coffee after dinner on the terrace overlooking the lawn in front of the drawing room and it was on one of these nights that i was the interested spectator of a strange scene between and a scene i should have thought impossible of occurrence had i not myself witnessed it had dined at she very the sorrows of satan rarely so honoured us and there were a few other guests besides we had lingered over the coffee longer than usual for had given an extra charm to the conversation by her eloquent vivacity and bright humour and all present were anxious to hear see and know as much of the brilliant as possible but when a full golden moon rose in mellow splendour over the tree tops my wife suggested a stroll in the grounds and agreeing to the proposal with delight we started more or less together some in couples some in groups of three or four after a little rambling however the party got separated in the rose gardens and adjacent and i found myself alone i turned back to the house to get my cigar case which i had left on a table in the library and passing out again in another direction i strolled slowly across the grass smoking as i went towards the river the silver gleam of which could clearly be discerned through the fast foliage overhanging its banks i had almost reached the path that followed the course of the winding water when i was brought to a by the sound of voices one a man s low and the other a woman s tender grave and somewhat tremulous neither voice could be mistaken i recognised s rich penetrating tones and the sweet accents of out of sheer surprise i paused had fallen in love i wondered was i about to discover that the supposed had been tamed and caught at last by too little who was not beautiful according to accepted standards but who had something more than beauty to a proud and soul here as my thoughts ran on i was conscious of a foolish sense of jealousy why should he choose i thought out of all women in the world could he not leave her in peace with her dreams her books and her flowers safe under the pure wise gaze of whose cool brows were never by a touch of passion something more than curiosity now impelled me to listen and i cautiously advanced a the sorrows of satan step or two towards the shadow of a broad elm where i could see without being seen yes there was standing erect with folded arms his dark sad inscrutable eyes fixed on who stood opposite to him a few paces off looking at him in her turn with an expression of mingled fascination and fear i have asked you said slowly to let me serve you you have genius a rare quality in a woman and i would advance your fortunes i should not be what i am if i did not try to persuade you to let me help on your career you are not rich i could show you how to become so you have a great fame that i grant but you have many enemies and who are for ever trying to pull you down from the throne you have won i could bring these to your feet and make them your slaves with your intellectual power your personal grace and gifts of temperament i could if you would let me guide you give you such far reaching influence as no woman has possessed in this century i am no i can do what i say and more and i ask nothing from you in return except that you should follow my advice my advice let me tell you is not difficult to follow most people find it easy his expression of face i thought was very singular as he spoke it was so haggard dreary and woe that one might have imagined he was making some proposal that was particularly to him instead of offering to perform the benevolent action of helping a hard working literary woman to achieve greater wealth and distinction i waited for to reply you | 33 |
not the less content if it is god s will that i should be alone all my days i shall not murmur for my solitude is not actual loneliness work is a good comrade then i have books and flowers and birds i am never really lonely and that i shall fully realize my dream of love one day i am sure if not here then hereafter i can wait as she spoke she looked up to the placid heavens where one or two stars through the boughs her face expressed confidence and perfect peace and advancing a step or two fully confronted her with a strange light of exultation in his eyes true you can wait he said in deep clear tones from which all sadness had fled you can afford to wait tell me think for a moment can you remember me is there a time on which you can look back and looking see my face not here but elsewhere think did you ever see me long ago in a far sphere of beauty and light when you were an angel and i was not what i am now how you tremble you need not fear me i would not harm you for a thousand worlds i talk wildly at times i know i think of things that are past long long past and i am filled with regrets that bum my soul with heat than fire and so neither world s wealth world s power nor world s love will tempt you and you a woman i the sorrows of satan you are a living miracle then as miraculous as the drop of dew which in its tiny all the colours of the sky and sinks into the earth sweetly carrying moisture and refreshment where it falls i can do nothing for you you will not have my aid you reject my service then as i may not help you you must help me and dropping before her he reverently took her hand and kissed it i ask a very little thing of you gray for me i know you are accustomed to pray so it will be no trouble to you you believe god hears you and when i look at you believe it too only a pure woman can make faith possible to man pray for me then as one who has fallen from his higher and better self who but who may not attain who labours under heavy punishment who would fain reach heaven but who by the cursed will of man and man alone is kept in he ll pray tor me promise it and so shall lift me a step nearer the glory i have lost i listened with amazement could this be the mocking careless cynical i knew as i thought so well was it really he who knelt thus like a sinner his proud head before a woman i saw release her hand from his the while she stood looking down upon him in alarm and bewilderment presently she spoke in sweet yet tremulous accents since you desire it so earnestly i promise she said i i will pray that the strange and bitter sorrow which seems to you may be removed from your life sorrow he echoed interrupting her and springing to his feet with an impassioned gesture woman genius angel whatever you are do not speak of one sorrow for me i have a thousand thousand sorrows aye a million million that are as little flames about my heart and as deeply seated as the of the universe the foul and filthy crimes of men the base and of women the murder ous ingratitude of children the scorn of good the of intellect the selfishness the the the sorrows of satan of human life the hideous and sin of the creature to the creator these are my endless sorrows the these keep me wretched and in chains when i would fain be free these create hell around me and endless torture these bind and crush me and my being till i become what i dare not name to myself or to others and yet as the eternal god is my witness i do not think i am as bad as the worst man living i may tempt but i do not pursue i take the lead in many lives yet i make the i go so plain that those who follow me do so by their own choice and free will more than by my persuasion he paused then continued in a softer tone you look afraid of me but be assured you never had less cause for terror you have truth and purity i honour both you will have none of my advice or assistance in the making of your life s history to night therefore we part to meet no more on earth never again no through all your quiet days of sweet and contented existence will i cross your path before heaven i swear it but why asked gently approaching him now as she spoke with a soft grace of movement and laying her hand on his arm why do you speak with such a passion of what dark cloud is on your mind surely you have a noble nature and i feel that i have wronged you in my thoughts you must forgive me i have you you do well to me he answered and with these words he caught both her hands and held them in his own looking at her full in the face with eyes that flashed like jewels your instinct teaches you rightly would there were many more like you | 33 |
to doubt me and me one word if when i am gone you ever think of me think that i am more to be pitied than the and starving wretch that ever crawled on earth for he perchance has hope and i have none ai d when you pray for me for i hold you to this promise pray for one who dares not the sorrows of satan pray for himself you know the words lead us not into temptation but deliver us from to night you have been led into temptation though you knew it not but you have delivered yourself from evil as only a true soul can and now farewell in life i shall see you no more in death well i have attended many death beds in response to the invitations of the but i shall not be present at yours perhaps when your parting spirit is on the verge between darkness and light you may know who i was and am and you may thank god with your last breath that we parted to night as we do now forever he loosened his grasp of her she fell back from him pale and terrified for there was something now in the dark beauty of his face that was unnatural and appalling a sombre shadow clouded his brows his eyes had in them as fire and a smile was on half tender half cruel his strange expression moved even me to a sense of fear and i shivered with sudden cold though the air was warm and slowly retreating moved away looking round at him now and then as she went in wistful wonder and r alarm till in a minute or two her slight figure in its i silken white robe had vanished among the trees i lingered hesitating and uncertain what to do then finally to get back to the house if possible without being noticed i made one step when s voice scarcely raised addressed me well why did you not come out of the shadow of that elm tree and see the play to better advantage surprised and confused i advanced some unintelligible excuse you saw a pretty bit of acting here he went on striking a match and lighting a cigar the while he regarded me coolly his eyes twinkling with their usual mockery you know my theory that all men and all women are for gold well i wanted to try she rejected all my advantageous offers as you must have heard and i could only the sorrows of satan make matters smooth by asking her to pray for me that i did this very i hope you will admit a woman of that dreamy temperament always likes to imagine that there is a man who is grateful for her prayers you seemed very much in earnest about it i said vexed with myself that he had caught me why of course he responded thrusting his arm familiarly through mine i had an audience two fastidious critics of dramatic art heard me my had to do my best two critics i repeated yes you on one side lady on the other lady rose after the custom of fashionable beauties at the opera before the last scene in order to get home in good time for supper he laughed wildly and and i felt desperately uncomfortable you must be mistaken i said that listened i admit and it was wrong of me to do so but my wife would never condescend ah then it must have been a of the woods that glided out of the shadow with a silken train behind her and diamonds in her hair he retorted gaily tut don t look so i have done with and she with me i have not been making love to her i have simply just to amuse myself tested her character and i find it stronger than i thought the combat is over she will never go my way nor i fear shall i ever go hers upon my word i said with some irritation your disposition seems to grow more and more and singular every day does it not he answered with a droll affectation of interested surprise in himself i am a curious creature altogether wealth is mine and i care not a for it power is mine and i its responsibility in fact i would rather be anything but what i am look at the lights of your home the sorrows of satan sweet home this he said as we emerged from among the trees on to the lawn from whence could be seen the shining of the electric lamps in the drawing room lady is there an and perfect woman who lives but to welcome you to her embracing arms fortunate man who would not envy you love who would who could exist without it save me who in europe at least would forego the delights of kissing which the bye consider a disgusting habit without embraces and all those other which are supposed to the progress of true love one never of these things there is no i wish i could love somebody so you can if you like i said with a little uneasy laugh i cannot it is not in me you heard me tell as much i have it in my power to make other people fall in love somewhat after the fashion practised by match making mothers but for myself love on this planet is too low a thing too brief in duration last night in a dream i have strange dreams at times i saw one whom possibly i could love but she was a spirit with eyes more than the | 33 |
morning and a form as transparent as flame she could sing sweetly and i watched her soaring upwards and listened to her song it was a wild song and to many mortal ears it was something like this and his rich forth in melodious into the light into the heart of the fire to the core of the flame i ascend i i under me rolls the whirling earth with the noise of a wheels that run ever round and about the sun over me circles the splendid heaven strewn with the stars of and even and i a queen of the air serene float with my flag like wings alone alone god and the world the sorrows of satan here he broke off with a laugh she was a strange spirit he said because she could see nothing but herself god and the world she was evidently quite unaware of the numerous existing put up by mankind between themselves and their maker i wonder what sphere she came from i looked at him in mingled wonder and impatience you talk wildly i said and you sing wildly of things that mean nothing and are nothing he smiled lifting his eyes to the moon now shining her fullest and brightest true he replied things which have meaning and are valuable have all to do with money or appetite there is no wider outlook evidently but we were speaking of love and i hold that love should be eternal as hate here you have the substance of my religious creed if i have any that there are two spiritual forces ruling the universe love and hate and that their incessant quarrel the general confusion of life both contend one against the other and only at judgment day will it be proved which is the strongest i am on the side of hate myself for at present hate has all the worth winning while love has been so often that there is only the poor ghost of it left on earth at that my wife s figure appeared at the window and threw away his half smoked cigar your guardian angel he said looking at me with an odd expression of something like pity mingled with disdain let us go in the sorrows of satan xxx the very next night but one after s strange interview with the destined to wreck my life and me to the dust fell with appalling suddenness no warning given it came at a moment when i had dared to deem myself happy all that day the last day i was ever to know of pride or self i had enjoyed life to the full it was a day too in which had seemed transformed to a sweeter woman than i had hitherto known her when all her attractions of beauty and manner were apparently put forth to and me as though she were yet to be and won or did she mean to and of this i never thought never dreamed i only saw in my wife an of the most and delicate loveliness a woman whose very garments seemed to cling to her tenderly as though proud of clothing so exquisite a form a creature whose every glance was brilliant whose every smile was a and whose voice to the and most caressing tones appeared in its every utterance to assure me of a deeper and more lasting love than i had yet enjoyed the hours flew by on golden wings we all three myself and had attained as i imagined to a perfect unity of friendship and mutual understanding we had passed that last day together in the woods of under a gorgeous of autumn leaves through which the sun shed mellow beams of rose and gold we had had an luncheon in the open air had sung for us wild old and till the very foliage had seemed to tremble with joy at the sound of such melody and not a cloud had the perfect peace and pleasure of the time was not with us and i was glad somehow i felt that of late she had been more or less a element the sorrows of satan whenever she had joined our party i admired her in a sort of half way i even loved her nevertheless i was conscious that her ways were not as our wa rs her thoughts not as our thoughts i placed the fault on her of course i concluded that it was because she had what i elected to call literary instead of by its name the spirit of honourable independence i never considered the quality of my own the poor pride of a cash and county position which is the sort of vain glory anyone can indulge in and after turning the matter over in my mind i decided that was a very charming young woman with great literary gifts and an amazing pride which made it totally impossible for her to associate with many great people so called as she would never descend to the necessary level of which they expected and which certainly demanded i should almost have been inclined to her to street had not a faint sense of justice as well as shame held me back from doing her that even in my thoughts however i was too much impressed with my own vast resources of unlimited wealth to realize the fact that anyone who like independence by intellectual work and worth alone is entitled to a far greater pride than those who by mere chance of birth or become the of millions then again s literary position was though i liked her personally always a kind of reproach to me when i thought of | 33 |
my own efforts to win the of fame so that on the whole i was glad she did not spend that day with us in the woods of course if i had paid any attention to the trifles which make up the sum of life i should have remembered that had told her he would meet her no more on earth but i judged this to be a mere trifle of hasty and speech without any meaning so my last twenty four hours of happiness passed away in serenity i felt a sense of deepening pleasure in existence and i began to believe that the future had brighter the sorrows of satan things in store for me than i had lately ventured to expect s new phase of gentleness and tenderness towards me combined with her rare beauty seemed to that the between us would be of short duration and that her nature too early rendered harsh and cynical by a society education would soften in time to that beautiful which is after all woman s best charm thus i thought in and contented reverie under the foliage with my fair wife beside me and listening to the rich tones of my friend s magnificent voice forth wild as the sunset deepened in the sky and the twilight shadows fell then came the night the night which dropped only for a few hours over the quiet landscape but for ever over me we had dined late and pleasantly fatigued with our day in the open air had retired early i had grown a heavy and i suppose i must have some hours when i was awakened suddenly as though by an imperative touch from some unseen hand i started up in my bed the night lamp was burning dimly and by its glimmer i saw that was no longer at my side my heart gave one bound against my ribs and then almost stood still sense of thing unexpected and chilled my blood i pushed aside the embroidered silken of the bed and peered into the room it was empty then i rose hastily put on my clothes and went to the door it was carefully shut but not locked as it had been when we retired for the night i opened it without the least noise and looked out into the long passage no one there immediately opposite the bedroom door there was a winding oak staircase leading down to a broad corridor which in former times had been used as a music room or picture an ancient organ still sweet of tone occupied one end of it with dull golden pipes towering up to the carved and ceiling the other end was lit by a large window like that of a church filled with rare old stained glass representing in various the lives the sorrows of satan of the saints the centre subject being the of st advancing with soft caution to the overlooking this gallery i gazed down into it and for a moment could see nothing on the polished floor but the cross patterns made by the moonlight falling through the great window but presently as i watched wondering where could have gone to at this time of night i saw a dark tall shadow across the of lines and i heard the smothered sound of voices with my beating furiously and a sensation of in my throat full of strange thoughts and suspicions which i dared not define i crept slowly and stealthily down the stair till as my foot touched the last step i saw what nearly struck me to the ground with a shock of agony and i had to draw back and bite my lips hard to repress the cry that nearly escaped them there there before me in the full moonlight with the colours of the red and blue robes of the painted saints on the window glowing blood like and about her knelt my wife arrayed in a garment of white which betrayed rather than concealed the outline of her form her wealth of hair falling about her in wild disorder her hands clasped in her pale face and above her the dark imposing figure of i stared at the twain with dry burning eyes what did this was she my wife false was he my friend a traitor patience patience i muttered to myself this is a piece of acting doubtless such as chanced the other night with patience let us hear this this comedy and drawing myself close up against the wall i leaned there scarcely drawing breath waiting for voice for his when they spoke i should know yes i should know all and i fastened my looks on them as they stood there vaguely wondering even in my tense anguish at the fearful light on s face a light which could scarcely be the reflection of the moon as he backed the window and at the scorn of his frowning brows what terrific humour swayed him the sorrows of satan why did he even to my thought appear more than human why did his very beauty seem hideous at that moment and his aspect hush hush she spoke my wife i heard her every word heard all and endured au without falling dead at her feet in the extremity of my and despair i love you she i love you and my love is killing me be merciful have pity on my passion love me for one hour one little hour it is not much to ask and afterwards do with me what you will torture me brand me an outcast in the public sight curse me before heaven | 33 |
i love you love you and in a perfect passion of self she sprang to her feet tossing back her rich hair over her shoulders and stood erect a very of wild loveliness look at me you shall not you dare not such a love as mine the sorrows of satan dead silence followed her outburst and i stared in fascinated awe at as he turned more fully round and confronted her the expression of his countenance struck then as quite his beautiful broad brows were in a line of menace his eyes literally blazed with scorn and yet he laughed a low laugh with satire shall not dare not he echoed woman s words woman s the shriek of the outraged feminine animal who fails to attract as she thinks her chosen mate such a love as ours what is it degradation to shall accept it shame to shall rely upon it you make a boast of your beauty your mirror shows you a pleasing image but your mirror lies as admirably as you do you see within it not the reflection of yourself for that would cause you to in horror you merely look upon your covering a garment of and only fit to mingle with the dust from which it sprang your beauty i see none of it i see you and to me you are hideous and will remain hideous for ever i hate you i hate you with the bitterness of an and hatred for you have done me a wrong you have wrought an injury upon me you have added another burden to the load of punishment i carry she made a forward movement with outstretched arms he her by a fierce gesture stand back he said be afraid of me as of an unknown terror o pitiless heaven to think of it i but a night ago i was lifted a step nearer to my lost delight and now this woman me back and down and yet again i hear the of the gates of paradise o infinite torture o wicked souls of men and women is there no touch of grace or thought of god left in you and will ye make my sorrows eternal he stood lifting his face to the light where it streamed the sorrows of satan through the window and the colouring themselves faintly as they through the painted garments of st showed a great and terrible anguish in his eyes i heard him with amazement and awe i could not imagine what he meant by his strange words and it was evident by her expression that my reckless and abandoned wife was equally she murmured what is it what have i done i who would not wound you for the world i who but seek your love to repay it in full with such fond passion and tenderness as you have never known for this and this only i married i chose your friend as husband because he was your friend o woman and because i saw his foolish his pride in himself and his riches his blind confidence in me and in you i knew that i could after a time follow the fashion of many another woman in my set and choose my lover ah my lover i had chosen him already i have chosen you yes though you hate me you cannot hinder me from loving you i shall love you till i die he turned his gaze upon her steadily the gloom deepening on his brows and after you die he said will you love me then there was a stern derision in his tone which appeared to vaguely her after death she stammered yes after death he repeated there is an after as your mother knows a faint exclamation escaped her she fixed her eyes upon him fair lady he went on your mother was like yourself a she like you made up her mind to follow the fashion as you put it as soon as her husband s blind or willing confidence was gained she chose not one lover but many you know her end in the written but laws of nature a body is the natural the sorrows of satan expression of a mind her face in her last days was the of her soul you shudder the thought of her is to your self conscious beauty yet the evil that was in her is also in you it in your blood slowly but surely and as you have no faith in god to cure the disease it will have its even at the final moment when death at your throat and stops your breathing the smile upon your frozen lips then will not be the smile of a saint believe me but of a sinner death is never deceived though life may be and afterwards ask again will you love me do you think when you know who lam i was myself startled at his manner of putting this strange question i saw her lift her hands towards him and she seemed to tremble when i who you are she repeated do i not know you are r nay love my love whose voice is my music whose beauty i whose looks are my heaven and hell he interposed with a low laugh come here she went towards him eagerly yet he pointed to the ground i saw the rare blue diamond he always wore on his right hand flash like a flame in the since you love me so well he said kneel down and worship me she dropped on her knees and clasped her hands | 33 |
i strove to move to speak but some force held me dumb and motionless the light from the stained glass window fell upon her face and showed its by a smile of perfect rapture with every pulse of my being i worship you she murmured passionately my king my god the cruel things you say but my e for you you can kill but you can never change me for one kiss of your lips i would die for one embrace from you i would give my soul the sorrows of satan have you one to give he asked is it not already disposed of you should make sure of that first stay where you are and let me look at you so a woman wearing a husband s name holding a husband s honour clothed in the very garments purchased with a husband s money and newly risen from a husband s side forth thus in the night seeking to disgrace him and herself by the and this is all that the culture and training of nineteenth century civilization can do for you myself i prefer the fashion of old times when rough savages fought for their women as they fought for their cattle treated them as cattle and kept them in their place never dreaming of them with such strong virtues as truth and honour if women were pure and true then the lost happiness of the world might return to it but the majority of them are like you ever pretending to be they are not i may do what i choose with you you say torture you kill you brand you with the name of outcast in the public sight and curse you before heaven if i will only love you all this is speech and i never cared for at any time i shall neither kill you brand you curse you nor love you i shall simply call your husband i stirred from my hiding place then stopped she sprang to her feet in an passion of anger and shame you dare not she panted you dare not so disgrace me disgrace you he echoed scornfully that remark comes rather late seeing you have disgraced yourself but she was now fairly roused all the and obstinacy of her nature was awakened and she stood like some beautiful wild animal at bay trembling from head to foot with the violence of her emotions you me you scorn me she muttered in hurried fierce accents that scarcely rose above an angry whisper you make a mockery of my heart s anguish and despair s the sorrows of satan but you shall suffer for it i am your match nay your equal you shall not me a second time you ask will i love you when i know who you are it is pleasure to deal in mysteries but i have no mysteries i am a woman who loves you with all the passion of a life and i will murder myself and you rather than live to know that i have prayed you for your love in vain do you think i came unprepared no and she suddenly drew from her bosom a short steel dagger with a a i recognised as one of the gifts to her on her marriage love me i say or i will myself dead here at your feet and cry out to that you have murdered me she raised the weapon aloft i almost sprang forward but i drew back again quickly as i saw seize th hand that held the dagger and draw it firmly down while the weapon from her clutch he snapped it asunder flung the pieces on the floor your place was the stage madam he said you should have been the chief female at some theatre you would have adorned the boards drawn the mob had as many lovers and private as you pleased been invited to act at obtained a pa from the queen and written your name in her that should undoubtedly have been your great career you were bom for it made for it you would have been as brute as you are now but that would not have mattered are from in the action of breaking the dagger and in the intense bitterness of his speech he had thrust her back a few paces from him and she stood breathless and white with rage him in mingled passion and terror fo a moment she was silent then advancing slowly with the of movement which had given her a reputation for grace exceeding that of any woman in england she said in deliberately measured accents the sorrows of satan i have borne your as i would bear my death at your hands because i love you you me you say you me i love you still i you cannot cast me off i am yours you shall love me or i will die one of the two take time for thought i leave you to night i give you all tomorrow to consider love me give me yourself be my lover and i will play the comedy of social life as well as any other woman so well that my husband shall never know but refuse me again as you have refused me now and i will make away with myself i am not acting i am speaking calmly and with conviction i mean what i say do you coldly let me congratulate you few omen attain to such i will an end to this life of mine she went on paying no sort of heed to his words cannot endure existence without your love and a dreary pathos in her voice i | 33 |
hunger for the kisses of your lips the clasp of your arms do you know do you ever think of your own power the cruel terrible power of your eyes our speech your smile the beauty which makes you more like an angel than a man and have you no pity do you think that ever a man was bom like you he looked at her as she said this and a faint smile rested on his lips when you speak i hear music when you sing it seems to me that i understand what the of a poet s heaven must be surely surely you know that your very looks are a to the warm weak soul of a woman v and by his silence she stole nearer to him meet me tomorrow in the lane near the cottage of he started as if he had been stung but not a word escaped him i heard all you said to her the other night she continued advancing yet a step closer to his side i followed you and i listened i was well nigh road with jealousy i thought i feared you loved her but i was wrong i never s the sorrows of satan do thank god for anything but i thanked god that night that i was wrong she was not made for you i am meet me outside her house where the great white rose tree is in bloom gather one one of those little roses and give it to me i shall understand it as a signal a signal that i may come to you tomorrow night and not be cursed or but loved loved ah promise me one little rose the symbol of an hour s love then let me die i shall have had all i ask of life with a sudden swift movement she flung herself upon his breast and her arms about his neck lifted her face to his the showed me her eyes with rapture her lips trembling with passion her bosom heaving the blood up to my brain and a red mist swam before my sight would yield not he he loosened her desperate hands from about his throat and forced her back holding her at arm s length woman false and accursed he said in tones that were and terrific you know not what you seek all that you ask of life shall be yours in death this is the law therefore beware what demands you make lest they be too a rose from the cottage of a rose from the garden of they are one and the same to me not for my gathering or yours love and joy for the there is no love for the there is no joy add no more to the measure of my hatred and vengeance go while there is yet time go and front the destiny you have made for yourself for nothing can alter it and as for me whom you love before whom you have knelt in worship and a low fierce laugh escaped him why restrain your feverish desires fair have patience we shall meet ere long i could not bear the scene another moment and springing from my hiding place i dragged my wife away from him and flung myself between them let me defend you from the of this i the sorrows of satan wanton t i cried with a wild burst of laughter an hour ago i thought she was my wife i find her nothing but a purchased who seeks a change of masters for one instant we all three stood facing each other i breathless and mad with fury calm and my wife staggering back from me half with fear in an access of black rage i rushed upon her and seized her in my arms i have heard you i said i have seen you i have watched you kneel before my true friend my loyal comrade there and try your best to make him as vile as yourself i am that poor fool your husband that blind whose confidence you sought to win and to betray i am the unhappy wretch whose of world s cash has bought for him in marriage a you dare to talk of love you profane its very name good god what are such women as you made of you throw yourselves into our arms you demand our care you exact our respect you tempt our senses you win our hearts and then you make fools of us all fools and worse than fools you make us without feeling conscience faith or pity if we become what wonder if we do things that shame our sex i is it not because you set us the example god god i who loved you yes loved you in spite of all that my marriage with you taught me i who would have died to save you from a shadow of suspicion i am the one out of all the world you choose to murder by your treachery i loosened my grasp of her she recovered her self possession by an effort and looked at me with cold eyes what did you marry me for she demanded for my sake or your own o the sorrows of satan v i was silent too choked with wrath and pain to speak all i could do was to hold out my hand to who grasped it with a cordial and sympathetic pressure yet i fancied he smiled was it because you desired to make me happy out of pure love for | 33 |
me pursued or because you wished to add dignity to your own position by wedding the daughter of an earl your motives were not unselfish you chose me simply because i was the beauty of the day whom london men stared at an talked of and because it gave you a certain to have me for your wife in the same way as it gave you a footing with to be the owner of the i told you honestly what i was before our marriage it made no effect upon your vanity and i never loved you i could not love you and i told you so you have heard so you say all that has passed between me and therefore you know why i married you i state it boldly to your face it was that i might have your intimate friend for my lover that you should pretend to be at this is absurd it is a common position of things in france and is becoming equally common in england morality has always been declared unnecessary for men it is becoming equally unnecessary for women stared at her amazed at the of her speech and the cool convincing manner in which she spoke after her recent access of passion and excitement you have only to read the new fiction she went on a mocking smile lighting up her pale face and indeed all new literature generally to be assured that your ideas of domestic virtue are quite out of date both men and women are according to certain accepted writers of the day at equal liberty to love when they will and where they may purity is the new creed such love in fact so we are taught the only sacred union if you want to alter this movement and return to the old fashioned types of the modest maiden and the matron you the sorrows of satan must sentence all the new writers of profitable to for life and a government of the modern press as matters stand your attitude of the outraged husband is not only ridiculous it is i assure you i do not feel the slightest of conscience in saying i love any woman might be proud of loving him he however will not or cannot love me we have had a scene and you have completed the dramatic effect by witnessing it there is no more to be said or done in the affair i do not suppose you can divorce me but if you can you may i shall make no defence she turned as if to go i still stared at her finding no words to cope with her when s voice to a grave and soothing interposed this is a very painful and distressing state of things he said and the strange half cynical half contemptuous smile still rested on his lips but i must positively protest against the idea of divorce not only for her s sake but my own i am entirely innocent in the matter innocent i exclaimed grasping him again by the hand you are nobility itself as loyal a friend as ever man had i thank you for your courage for the plain and honest manner in which you have spoken i heard all you said nothing was too strong nothing could be too strong to awaken this woman to a sense of her outrageous conduct her pardon me he interrupted delicately the lady can scarcely be called she suffers from let us call it a little exaltation of nerves in thought she may be guilty of but society does not know that and in act she is pure pure as the newly driven snow and as the newly driven snow will society itself regard her his eyes glittered i met his chill glance you think as i do i said hoarsely you feel with me that a wife s thought is as vile as her un the sorrows of satan act there is no excuse no for such cruel and abominable ingratitude why and my voice rose unconsciously as i turned fiercely again towards did i not free you and your family from the heavy pressure of poverty and debt have i you anything are you not loaded with jewels have you not greater luxuries and liberties than a queen and do you not owe me at least some duty i owe you nothing she responded boldly i gave you what you paid for my beauty and my social position it was a fair bargain a dear and bitter one i cried maybe so but such as it was you struck it not i you can end it when you please the law the law will give you no freedom in such a case interposed with a kind of a separation on the ground of of temper might be possible certainly but would not that be a pity her is unfortunate in her tastes that is all she selected me as her and i refused the situation hence there is nothing for it but to forget this unpleasant incident and try to live on a better understanding for the future do you think said my wife advancing with her proud head uplifted in scorn the while she pointed at me do you think will live with him after what he has seen and heard to night what do you take me for for a very charming woman of hasty impulses and unwise reasoning replied with an air of sarcastic gallantry lady you are most of your sex are you can do no good by this scene a most unpleasant and trying one to us poor men you know how we hate scenes | 33 |
let me beg of you to retire your duty is to your husband pray heaven he may forget this midnight delirium of yours and set it down to some strange illness rather than to any evil intention the sorrows of satan for all answer she came towards him stretching out her arms in wild appeal she cried my love good night good bye i sprang between him and her advancing form before my very face i exclaimed o infamous woman have you no shame none she said with a wild smile i glory in my love for such a king of worth and beauty look at him and then look at yourself in the nearest mirror that so poor and mean a picture of a man how even in your could you deem it possible for a woman to love you when he was near stand out of the light you a shadow between my god and me as she uttered these mad words her aspect was so strange and that out of sheer wonder i mechanically did as she bade me and stood aside she regarded me i may as well say good bye to you also she observed for i shall never live with you again nor i with you i said fiercely nor i with you nor i with you she repeated like a child saying a lesson of course not if i do not live with you you cannot live with me she laughed then turned her gaze once more upon good bye i she said he looked at her with a curious but returned no word in answer his eyes flashed coldly in the moonlight like sharp steel and he smiled she regarded him with such passionate that it seemed as though she sought to draw his very soul into herself by the of her glance but he stood unmoved a very statue of fine disdain and intellectual self my scarcely controlled fury broke out again at the sight of her dumb yearning and i gave vent to a shout of scornful laughter by heaven a veritable new and reluctant the sorrows of satan i cried a poet should be here to so touching a scene go go and i her away with a furious gesture go if you do not want me to murder you go with the proud consciousness that you have worked all mischief and ruin that is most dear to the heart of a woman you have spoilt a life and a name you can do no more your feminine triumph is complete go would to god i might never see your face again would to god i had been spared the misery of having married you she paid no attention whatever to my words but kept her eyes fixed on retreating slowly she seemed to feel rather than see her way to the winding stair and there turning she began to ascend half way up she paused looked back and fully confronted us once more with a wild wicked rapture on her face she kissed her hands to smiling like a woman in a dream then she went onward and upward step by step till the last white fold of her robe had vanished and we two my friend and i were alone facing one another we stood silently i met his sombre eyes and thought i read an infinite compassion in them then while i yet looked upon him something seemed to clutch my throat and stop my breathing his dark and beautiful countenance appeared to me to grow suddenly lurid as with fire a of flame seemed to tremble above his brows the moonlight blood red a noise was in my ears of mingled thunder and music as though the silent organ at the end of the gallery were played by hands invisible struggling against these sensations i involuntarily stretched out my hands i gasped my friend i think lam dying my heart is broken as i spoke a great blackness closed over me and i fell senseless the sorrows of satan oh the of absolute it is enough to make one wish that death were indeed utter oblivion complete destruction surely this would be a greater mercy to the soul of man than the terrible god s gift of immortality the dazzling impress of that divine image of the creator in which we are all made and which we can never from our beings i who have realized to the full the truth of eternal life eternal for each individual spirit in each individual human creature look upon the endless through which i am compelled to take my part with something more like horror than gratitude for i have wasted my time and thrown away opportunities and though repentance may these the work of is long and bitter it is easier to lose a glory than to win it and if i could have died the death that hope for at the very moment when i learned the full measure of my heart s desolation surely it would have been well but my temporary was only too brief and when i recovered i found myself in s own apartment one of the largest and most furnished of all the guest chambers at the windows were wide open and the floor was with moonlight as i shuddered coldly back to life and consciousness i heard a sound of tune and opening my eyes wearily i saw himself seated in the full radiance of the moon with a on his knee from which he was softly striking delicate i was amazed at this astounded that while i personally was overwhelmed with a weight of woe he should still be capable of | 33 |
amusing himself it is a common idea with us all that when we ourselves are put out no one else should dare to be merry in fact we expect nature itself to wear a miserable the sorrows of satan face if our own beloved is disturbed by any trouble such is the extent of our ridiculous self consciousness i moved in my chair and half rose from it when still the strings of his instrument piano said keep still you ll be all right in a few minutes don t worry yourself worry myself i i echoed bitterly why not say don t kill yourself because i see no necessity to offer you that advice at present he responded coolly and if there were necessity i doubt if i should give it because i consider it better to kill one s self than worry one s self however opinions differ i want you to take this matter lightly lightly take my own and disgrace lightly i exclaimed almost leaping from my chair you ask too much my good fellow i ask no more than is asked and expected of a hundred society husbands to day consider your wife has been led away from her judgment and reasoning by an exalted and hysterical passion for me on account of my looks not for myself at all because she really does not know me she only sees me as i appear to be the love of handsome exterior is a common delusion of the fair sex and passes in time like other women s diseases no actual or disgrace to her or to you nothing has been seen heard or done in public this being so i can t understand what you are making a fuss about the great object of social life you know is to hide all savage passions and domestic differences from the gaze of the vulgar crowd you can be as bad as you like in private only god sees and that does not matter his eyes had a mocking lustre in them his he sang under his breath if she be not fair for me what care i how fair she be the sorrows of satan that is the true spirit he went on it sounds to you no doubt in your present tragic frame of mind but it is the only way to treat women in marriage or out of it before the world and society your wife is like caesar s above suspicion only you and i we will leave god out have been the witnesses of her attack of you call it she loves you i said hotly and she has always loved you she confessed it and you admitted that you always knew it i always knew she was hysterical yes if that is what you mean he answered the majority of women have no real feelings no serious emotions except one vanity they do not know what a great love means their chief desire is for conquest and failing in this they run up the of baffled passion to the pitch of which with some becomes lady suffers in this way now listen to me i will go off to paris or or ber in at once after what has happened of course i cannot stay here and i give you my word i will not intrude myself into your domestic circle again in a few days you will tide over this and learn the wisdom of supporting the differences that occur in matrimony with composure impossible i will not part with you i said vehemently nor will i live with her better the companionship of a true friend than that of a false wife he raised his eyebrows with a puzzled half humorous expression then shrugged his shoulders as one who gives up a difficult argument rising he put aside his and came over to me his tall imposing casting a gigantic shadow in the brilliant upon my word you put me in a very awkward position what is to be done you can get a separation if you like but i think it would be an unwise course of after barely four months of marriage the world would be set talking at once really it is better to do anything than give the a chance for floating the sorrows of satan scandal look don t decide anything hastily come up to town with me for a day and leave your wife alone to upon her foolishness and its possible consequences then you will be better able to judge as to your future movements go to your room and sleep till morning sleep i repeated with a shudder in that room where she i broke off with a cry and looked at him am i going mad i wonder my brain seems on fire if i could forget i if i could forget if you my loyal friend had been false to me i should have died your truth your honour have saved me he smiled an odd cynical little smile tut i make no boast of virtue he rejoined if the lady s beauty had been any temptation to me i might have yielded to her charms in so doing i should have been no more than man as she herself suggested but perhaps i am more than man at bodily beauty in woman makes no sort of effect on me unless it is accompanied by beauty of soul then it does make an effect and a very extraordinary one it me to try how deep the beauty goes whether it is or as i find it so i leave it i stared wearily at the moonlight patterns on the floor | 33 |
what am i to do i asked what would you advise come up to town with me he replied you can leave a note for your wife explaining your absence and at one of the clubs we will talk over the matter quietly and decide how best to avoid a social scandal meanwhile go to bed if you won t go back to your own room sleep in the spare one next to mine i rose mechanically and prepared to obey him he watched me will you take a draught if i mix it for you he said it s harmless and will give you a few hours sleep i would take poison from your hand i answered i the sorrows of satan why don t you mix for me and then then i should sleep indeed and forget this horrible night unfortunately you would not forget he said going to his dressing case and taking out a small white powder which he dissolved gradually in a glass of water that is the worst of what people call dying i must instruct you in a little science by and by to your thoughts the scientific part of death the business that goes on behind the scenes you know will interest you very much it is highly instructive particularly that section of it which i am entitled to call the of the brain are and within these are other called memories curiously vital and drink this and he handed me the mixture he had prepared for temporary purposes it is much better than death because it does and the conscious for a little while whereas death only them to a larger and more obstinate vitality i was too self absorbed to heed or understand his words but i drank what he gave me and returned the glass he still watched me closely for about a minute then he opened the door of the apartment which his own throw yourself on that bed and close your eyes he continued in somewhat accents till morning breaks i give you a and he smiled strangely both dreams and memories plunge into oblivion my friend brief as it is and as it must ever be it is sweet even to a the tone of his voice vexed me i looked at him half reproachfully and saw his proud ce pale as marble clear cut as a as i met his eyes i felt he was sorry for me despite his love of satire and his hand i pressed it fervently without offering any other reply then going into the next as he bade me i lay down and asleep almost instantly i remembered no more the sorrows of satan with the morning came full consciousness i realized bitterly all that had happened but i was no longer inclined to my fate my senses were stricken as it seemed too and rigid for any further outbreak of passion a hard took the place of outraged feeling and though despair was in my heart my mind was made up to one stem resolve i would look upon no more never again should tliat fair face the mask of a false nature tempt my sight and move me to pity or forgiveness that i determined leaving the room in which i had passed the night i went to my study and wrote the following letter after the degrading and disgraceful scene of last night you must be aware that any further intercourse between us is impossible prince and i are leaving for london we shall not return you can continue to reside at the house is yours and the half of my fortune settled upon you on our marriage day will enable you to keep up the fashions of your set and live with that luxury and extravagance you deem necessary to an aristocratic position i have decided to travel and i intend to make such arrangements as may prevent if possible our ever meeting again though i shall of course do my best for my own sake to avoid any scandal to reproach you for your conduct would be useless you are lost to all sense of shame you have yourself in the humiliation of a guilty passion before a man who you who in his own loyal and noble nature hates you for your and and i can find no pardon for the wrong you have thus done to me and the injury you have brought upon my name i leave you to the judgment of your own conscience if you have one which is doubtful such women as you the sorrows of satan are seldom troubled with remorse it is not likely you will ever see me or the man to whom you have offered your love again make of your life what you can or will i am indifferent to your movements and for my own part shall endeavour as much as may be to forget that you exist your husband tempest this letter folded and sealed i sent to my wife in her own apartments by her maid the girl came back and said she had delivered it but that there was no answer her had a severe headache and meant to keep her room that morning i expressed just as much civil regret as a confidential maid would naturally expect from the newly wedded husband of her mistress and then giving instructions to my man to pack my i partook of a hurried breakfast with in more or less silence and for the servants were in attendance and i did not wish them to suspect that anything was wrong for their benefit i gave out that my friend and i were called suddenly to town on urgent business that we might be absent | 33 |
then are surprised and injured if those children turn out to be either fools or if i were of the state i would make it a law that every mother should be bound to nurse and guard her children herself as nature intended unless prevented by ill health in which case she would have to get a couple of doctors to the fact otherwise any woman j refusing to with the law should be to im with hard labour this would bring them to their senses the idleness wickedness extravagance and selfishness y f women make men the and they are i looked up the devil is in the whole business i said bitterly if women were good men would have nothing to do with them look round you at what is called society how many men there are who deliberately choose women for the r wives and leave the innocent for take la the sorrows of satan oh you were thinking of were you he rejoined with a quick glance at me but she would be a difficult prize for any man to win she does not seek to be married and she is not for since the whole world cares for her that is a sort of love i answered it does not give her the protection such a woman needs and ought to obtain do you want to become her lover he asked with a slight smile i m afraid you ve no chance i her lover good god i exclaimed the blood rushing hotly to my face at the mere suggestion what a profane ideal you are right it is profane he agreed still smiling it is as though i should propose your stealing the cup from a church with just this difference you might succeed in running off with the cup because it is only the church s property but you would never succeed in winning inasmuch as she belongs to god you know what milton says so dear to heaven is that when a soul is found sincerely so a thousand angels her driving car off each thing of sin and guilt and in clear dream and solemn vision tell her of things which no gross ear can hear till oft converse with heavenly begin to cast a beam on th outward shape the temple of the mind and turns it by degrees to the soul s essence till all be made immortal he quoted the lines softly and with an exquisite gravity that is what you see in he continued that beam on the outward shape which turns it by to the soul s essence and which makes her beautiful without what is called beauty by men the sorrows of satan i moved impatiently and looked out from the window near which we were seated at the yellow width of the flowing thames below beauty according to man s ordinary standard pursued means simply good flesh nothing more flesh arranged prettily and on the always ugly skeleton beneath flesh coloured and soft to the touch without or plenty of it too disposed in the proper places it is the most sort of an illness spoils it a trying climate ruins it age wrinkles it death it but it is all the majority of men look for in their with the fair sex the most utter of sixty that ever trotted down pretending to be thirty expects like his pound or several pounds of youthful flesh the desire is neither refined nor intellectual but there it is and it is solely on this account that the ladies of the music hall become the members and future mothers of the aristocracy it does not need the ladies of the music hall to taint the already i said true and he looked at me with kindly let us put the whole mischief down to the new fiction we rose then having finished luncheon and leaving the we went on to arthur s here we sat down in a quiet corner and began to talk of our future plans it took me very little time to make up my mind all quarters of the world were the same to me and i was really indifferent as to where i went yet there is always something suggestive and fascinating about the idea of a first visit to egypt and i willingly agreed to accompany thither and remain the winter we will avoid society he said the well bred people who throw champagne bottles at the and think a donkey race fun shall not have the honour of our company is full of such dancing so we will not stay there old has many attractions and lazy luxury on a will soothe your the sorrows of satan nerves i suggest our leaving england within a week i consented and while he went over to a table and wrote some letters in preparation for our journey i looked through the day s papers there was nothing to read in them for though all the world s news into great britain on throbbing electric wires each editor of each little being jealous of every other editor of every other only admits into his columns exactly what suits his politics or personally pleases his taste and the interests of the public at large are scarcely considered poor patient public no wonder it is beginning to think that a spent on a newspaper which is only purchased to be thrown away enough and more than enough i was still glancing up and down the heavy columns of the pall and was still writing when a page boy entered with a mr tempest yes and i snatched the yellow covered and tore it open and read the few words it contained almost they ran thus f return at once something alarming has happened | 33 |
y afraid to act without you a curious chill came over me the fell from my hands on the table took it up and glanced at it then regarding me he said of course you must go you can catch the four forty train if you take a and you i muttered my throat was dry and i could scarcely speak i ll stay at the grand and wait for news don t delay a moment miss would not have taken it upon herself to send this message unless there had been serious cause what do you think what do you suppose i began he stopped me by a slight imperative gesture the sorrows of satan i think nothing i suppose nothing i only urge you to start immediately come and almost before i realized it he had taken me with him out into the hall of the club where he helped me on with my coat gave me my hat and sent for a cab to take me to the railway station we scarcely exchanged with the suddenness of the unexpected summons back to the home i had left in the morning as i thought for ever i hardly knew what i was doing or where i was going till i found myself alone in the train returning to as fast as steam would bear me with the gloom of the deepening dusk around me and such a fear and horror at my heart as i dared not think of or define what was the something alarming that had happened how was it that had to me these and endless questions tormented my brain and i was afraid to suggest answers to any of them when i arrived at the familiar station there was no one waiting to receive me so i hired a fly and was driven up to my own house just as the short evening deepened into night a low wind was sighing among the trees like a wandering soul in torment not a star shone in the black depths of the sky directly the carriage stopped a slim figure in white came out under the porch to meet me it was her angel s face grave and pale with emotion it is you at last she said in a trembling voice thank god you have come i grasped her hands hard what is it i began then looking round i saw that the hall was full of panic stricken servants some of whom came forward murmuring together about being afraid and not knowing what to do i them back by a gesture and turned again to the sorrows of satan tell me quick what is wrong we fear something has happened to lady she replied at once her rooms are locked and we cannot make her hear her maid got alarmed and ran over to my house to ask me what was best to be done i came at once and knocked and called but could get no response you know the windows are too high to reach from the ground there is no ladder on the premises long enough for the purpose and no one can climb up that side of the building i begged some of the servants to break open the door by force but they would not they were all afraid and i did not like to act on my own responsibility so i for you i sprang away from her before she had finished speaking and hurried upstairs at once outside the door of the which led into my wife s luxurious of apartments i paused breathless i cried there was not a sound had followed me and stood by my side trembling a little two or three of the servants had also crept up the stairs and were clinging to the listening nervously i called again still absolute silence i turned round upon the waiting and anxious with an assumption of calmness lady is probably not in her rooms at all i said she may have gone out unobserved this door of the has a spring lock it can easily get fast shut by the merest accident bring a strong hammer or a anything that will break it open if you had had sense you would have obeyed miss and done this a couple of hours ago and i waited with enforced composure while my instructions were carried out as rapidly as possible two of the appeared with the necessary tools and very soon the house with blow after blow was dealt upon the solid door for some time without success the the sorrows of satan spring lock would not yield neither would the strong hinges give way presently however after ten minutes hard labour one of the finely carved was smashed in then another and springing over the i rushed through the into the then paused listening and calling again no one followed me some instinct some nameless dread held the servants back and as well i was alone and in complete darkness groping about with my heart beating furiously i sought the ivory button in the wall which would at pressure flood the rooms with electric light but somehow i could not find it my hand came in contact with various familiar things which i recognised by touch rare bits of china pictures costly trifles that were heaped up as i knew in this particular apartment with a lavish luxury and disregard of cost a wanton eastern of old time cautiously feeling my way along i started with terror to see as i thought a tall figure outline itself suddenly against the darkness white and luminous a figure that as i stared at it aghast raised a pallid hand and pointed me forward | 33 |
with a menacing air of scorn in my dazed horror at this apparition or delusion i stumbled over the heavy trailing folds of a velvet and knew by this that i had passed from the into the adjoining bedroom again i stopped calling but my voice had scarcely strength enough to raise itself above a whisper giddy and confused as i was i remembered that the electric light in this room was fixed at the side of the toilet table and i stepped hurriedly in that direction when all at once in the thick gloom i touched something and cold like dead flesh and brushed against a garment that faint perfume and at my touch with a silken sound this alarmed me more thoroughly than the i fancied i had just seen i drew back against the wall and in so doing my fingers involuntarily closed on the polished ivory which like a fairy in modem the sorrows of satan civilization radiance at the owner s will i pressed it nervously the light blazed forth through the rose tinted shells which shaded its dazzling clearness and showed me where i stood within an arm s length of a strange stiff white creature that sat staring at itself in the silver framed mirror with wide open fixed and eyes i gasped my wife but the words died in my throat was it indeed my wife this frozen statue of a woman watching her own image thus intently i looked upon her as if she were some stranger it took me time to recognise her features and the bronze gold darkness of her long hair which fell loosely about her in a lavish wealth of waves her left hand hung over the arm of the chair in which like some ivory goddess she sat and slowly reluctantly i advanced and took that hand cold as ice it lay in my palm much as though it were a model of itself it glittered with jewels and i studied every ring upon it with a curious dull like one who seeks a clue to identity that large in a diamond setting was a marriage gift from a that her father gave her the circle of and her wedding ring was my gift that i seemed to know well well what a mass of sparkling value wasted on such fragile clay i peered into her face then at the reflection of that face in the mirror and again i grew perplexed was it could it be after all was beautiful ms dead thing had a i devilish smile on its blue parted lips and horror in eyes suddenly something tense in my brain seemed to snap and give way dropping the chill fingers i held i cried aloud in a moment she was with me in a glance she comprehended all falling on her knees by the dead woman she broke into a passion of weeping the sorrows of satan oh poor girl she cried oh poor unhappy girl i stared at her gloomily it seemed to me very strange that she should weep for sorrows not her own there was a fire in my brain a confused trouble in my thoughts i looked at my dead wife with her fixed gaze and evil smile sitting rigidly upright and in the mocking of her rose with old lace after the of paris fashions then at the living tender earnest creature for her genius throughout the world who knelt on the ground sobbing over the hand on which so many rare gems and an impulse rose in me stronger than myself moving me to wild and speech i cried do not kneel go go out of this room out of my sight you do not know what she was this woman whom i married i deemed her an angel but she was a yes a look at her staring at her own image in the glass you cannot call her beautiful now she smiles you see just as she smiled last night when ah you know nothing of last night i tell you go and i stamped my foot almost furiously this air is it will poison you the perfume of paris and the of death are sufficient to breed a go quickly inform the household their mistress is dead have the blinds drawn down show all the exterior signs of decent and fashionable woe and i began laughing tell the servants they may count upon expensive mourning for all that money can do shall be done in homage to king death let in the place eat and drink as much as they can or will and sleep or chatter as such love to do of graves and sudden but let me be left alone alone with we have much to say to one another white and trembling rose up and stood gazing at me in fear and pity the sorrows of satan alone she faltered you are not fit to be alone no i am not fit to be but i must be i rejoined quickly and harshly this woman and i loved after the manner of brutes and were wedded or rather in a similar manner though an blessed the and called upon heaven to witness its yet we parted ill friends and dead though she is i choose to pass the night with her i shall learn much knowledge from her silence tomorrow the grave and the servants of the grave may claim her but to night she is mine the sweet eyes over with tears oh you are too distracted to know what you are saying she murmured you do not even try to discover | 33 |
how she died that is easy enough to guess i answered quickly and i took up a small dark coloured bottle poison that i had already perceived on the toilet table this is and empty what it contained i do not know but there must be an of course people must be allowed to make money for themselves out of her s rash act and see there here i pointed to some loose sheets of note paper covered with writing and partially concealed by a lace handkerchief which had evidently been hastily thrown across them and a pen and close by there is some admirable reading prepared for me doubtless the last message from the beloved dead is sacred surely you a writer of tender can realize this and it you will do as i ask you leave me she looked at me in deep compassion and slowly turned to go god help you she said god console you at this some demon in me broke loose and springing to her side i caught her hands in mine do not dare to talk of god i said in passionate accents not in this room not in that presence why the sorrows of satan should you call curses down upon me the help of god means punishment the of god are terrible for strength must acknowledge itself weak before he will help it and a heart must be broken before he will console it but what do i say i believe in no god i believe in an unknown force that me and me down to the grave but nothing more she thought as i do and with reason for what has god done for her she was made evil from the first a born of satan something caught my breath here i stopped unable to utter another word stared at me and i stared back again what is it she whispered i struggled to speak finally with difficulty i answered her nothing and i her away with a gesture of entreaty the expression of my face must have startled or her i fancy for she retreated hastily and i watched her disappearing as if she were the phantom of a dream then as she passed out through the i drew close the velvet behind her and locked the door this done i went slowly back to the side of my dead wife now i said aloud we are alone you and i alone with our own reflected images you dead and i living you have no terrors for me in your present condition your beauty has gone your smile your eyes your touch cannot stir me to a throb of the passion you yet wearied of what have you to say to me i have heard that the dead can speak at times and you owe me for the wrong you did me the lie on which you based our marriage the guilt you cherished in your heart shall i read your petition for forgiveness here and i gathered up the written sheets of note paper in one hand feeling them rather than seeing them for my eyes were fixed on the pallid corpse in its rose silk and jewels that gazed at itself so in the shining mirror i the sorrows of satan s drew a chair close to it and sat down observing likewise the reflection of my own haggard face in the glass beside that of the self murdered woman turning presently i began to my immovable companion more closely and perceived that she was very lightly clothed under the silk there was only a flowing white garment of soft material embroidered through which the of her rigid limbs could be distinctly seen stooping i felt her heart i knew it was yet i half imagined i should feel its beat as i withdrew my hand something and glistening caught my eye and looking i perceived s marriage ft her waist the w ith its diamond crest and eyes it fascinated me round that dead body it seemed alive and if it had lifted its glittering head and at me i should scarcely have been surprised i sat back for a moment in my chair almost as rigid as the corpse beside me i stared again as the corpse stared always into the mirror which pictured us both we twain in one as the of wedded folk though in truth it often happens that there are no two creatures in the world more widely separated than husband and wife i heard stealthy movements and suppressed in the passage outside and guessed that some of the servants were there watching and waiting but i cared nothing for that i was absorbed in the ghastly night interview i had planned for myself and i so entered into the spirit of the thing that i turned on all the electric lamps in the room besides lighting two tall clusters of shaded candles on either side of the toilet table when all the surroundings were thus rendered as brilliant as possible so that the corpse looked more livid and ghastly by comparison i seated myself once more and prepared to read the last message of the dead now i muttered leaning forward a little and noting with a morbid interest that the jaws of the corpse had relaxed a little within the last few minutes and that the smile on the face was therefore more hideous confess your sins r the sorrows of satan for i am here to listen such dumb impressive eloquence as yours deserves attention a gust of wind fled round the house with a wailing cry the windows shook and the candles i waited till every sound had died away and then | 33 |
then the of him vanished i can offer no reason for this i merely set down the fact i made a hero of lord in fact he has always formed for me the only type of poet strong in himself and pitiless in his love for women he treated them for the n part as they considering the singular and unworthy specimens of the sex it was his misfortune to encounter i used to wonder when reading these men s lines whether love would ever come my way the sorrows of satan and what state of emotion i should then enjoy then came the rough awakening from all my dreams childhood melted into womanhood and at sixteen was taken up to town with my parents to know something of the ways and manners of society before finally coming out oh those ways and manners i learnt them to perfection astonished at first then bewildered and allowed no time to form any judgment on what i saw i was hurried through a general vague impression of things such as i had never imagined or dreamed of while i was yet lost in and kept constantly in companionship with young girls of my own rank and age who nevertheless seemed much more advanced in knowledge of the world than i my father suddenly informed me that was lost to us that he could not afford to keep it up and that we should return there no more ah what tears i shed what a fury of grief consumed me i did not then comprehend the difficult of either wealth or poverty all i could realize was that the doors of my dear old home were closed upon me for ever after that i think i grew cold and hard in disposition i had never loved my mother very dearly in fact i had seen very little of her as she was always away visiting if not entertaining visitors and she seldom had me with her so that when she was suddenly struck down by a first shock of it affected me but little she had her doctors and nurses i had my still with me and my mother s sister aunt came to keep house for us so i began to society for myself without giving any expression of my opinions on what i observed i was not yet out but i went everywhere where girls of my age were invited and perceived things without showing that i had any faculty of perception i cultivated a and cold exterior a and for i discovered that this was accepted by many people as or stupidity and that by assuming such a character certain otherwise persons would talk more readily before me and betray themselves and their vices the sorrows of satan unawares thus my social education began in grim earnest women of title and renown would ask me to their quiet because i was what they were pleased to call a harmless girl rather pretty but dull and allow me to assist them in entertaining the lovers who called upon them while their husbands were out i remember on one occasion a great lady famous for two things her diamonds and her intimacy with the queen kissed her a noted sporting earl with considerable abandon in my presence he muttered something about me i heard it but his mistress merely answered in a whisper oh it s only she understands nothing afterwards however when he had gone she turned to me with a grin and remarked you saw me kiss didn t you i often do he s quite like my brother i made no reply i only smiled vaguely and the next day she sent me a valuable diamond ring which i at once returned to her with a little note stating that i was much obliged but that my father considered me too young as yet to wear diamonds why do i think of these trifles now i wonder now when i am about to take my leave of life and all its lies there is a little bird singing outside my bedroom window such a pretty creature i suppose it is happy it should be as it is not human the tears are in my eyes as i listen to its sweet and think that it will be living and singing still to day at sunset when i am dead that last sentence was mere sentiment for i am not sorry to die if i felt the least regret about it i should not carry out my intention i must resume my narrative for it is an analysis i am trying to make of myself to find out if i can whether there are no excuses to be found for my particular disposition whether it is not after all the education and training i have had that have made me what i am or whether indeed i was born evil from the first the circumstances that surrounded me did not at any rate tend to soften or the sorrows of satan improve my character i had just passed my birthday when one morning my father called me into his library and told me the true position of his affairs i learned that he was crippled on all with debt that he lived on advances made to him by jew and that these advances were trusted to him solely on the speculation that i his only daughter would make a sufficiently rich marriage to enable him to repay all with heavy interest he went on to say that he hoped i would act sensibly and that when any men showed indications of becoming for my hand i would before encouraging them inform him in order that he might make | 33 |
strict as to their actual extent of fortune i then understood for the first time that i was for sale i listened in silence till he had finished then i asked him love i suppose is not to be considered in the matter he laughed and assured me it was much easier to love a rich man than a poor one as i would find out after a little experience he added with some hesitation that to help make both ends meet as the expenses of town life were considerable he had arranged to take a young american lady under his charge a miss who wished to be introduced into english society and who would pay two thousand guineas a year to him for that privilege and for aunt s services as i do not remember now what i said to him when i heard this i know that my long suppressed feelings broke out in a storm of fury and that for the moment he was completely taken by the force of my indignation an american in our house it seemed to me as outrageous and as the conduct of a woman i once knew who favoured by the queen s patronage with free apartments in palace took from time to time on the sly an american or paying guest who adopted forthwith the address of her majesty s as her own thus lowering the whole of that historic habitation my wrath however was useless the bargain was arranged my father regardless of his proud and the sorrows of satan the social dignity of his position had degraded himself in my opinion to the level of a sort of superior lodging house keeper and from that time i lost all my former respect for him of course it can be argued that i was wrong that i ought to have honoured him for turning his name to account by it out as a shield and for an american woman without anything but the dollars of a vulgar railway king to back her up in society but i could not see it in that light i retreated into myself more than ever and became more than pleasantly known for my coldness reserve and miss came and strove hard to be my friend but she soon found that impossible she is a good hearted creature i believe but she is badly bred and badly trained as all her are more or less despite their of an european education i disliked her from the first and have spared no pains to show it yet i know she will be of as soon as it is decently possible say after the year s mourning for my mother has expired and perhaps three months wearing of black for me my father believes himself to be still young and good looking and he is quite incapable of resisting the fortune she will bring him when she look up her fixed abode in our house and aunt became her paid i seldom went out to any social for i could not endure the idea of being in her companionship i kept to my own room a great deal and thus secluded read many books all the fashionable fiction of the day passed through my hands much to my gradual if not to my one day a day that is stamped on my memory as a kind of turning point in my life i read a novel by a woman which i did not at first entirely understand but on going over some of its passages a second time all at once its horrible flashed upon me and filled me with such a genuine disgust that i flung it on the ground in a fit of and contempt yet i had seen it praised in all the leading journals of the day its the sorrows of satan were hinted as daring its were quoted as brilliant wit in fact so many columns were written about it in the press that i resolved to read it again encouraged by the literary of the time i did so and little by i little the of it into my mind and stayed there i began to think about it and by found pleasure in thinking about it i sent for other books by the san hand and my appetite for that kind of romance grew at this particular juncture as chance or fate would have it an acquaintance of mine the daughter of a a girl with large black eyes and those full lips which remind one unconsciously of a swine s brought me two or three odd volumes of the poems of always devoted to poetry and considering it to be the highest of the arts and up to that period having been ignorant of this writer s work i turned over the books with eagerness expecting to enjoy the usual sublime which it is the privilege and glory of the poet to inspire in mortals less endowed than himself and who turn to him for help to beyond the peaks of time now i should like if i could do so to explain clearly the effect of this upon my mind for i believe are many women to whom his works have been than the poison and far more soul than any book of s or the most of modem french at first i read the poems quickly with a certain in the mere swing and of and without paying much attention to the subject matter of the verse bat as though a lurid blaze of lightning had stripped a fair tree of its leaves my senses suddenly perceived the cruelty and concealed under the language and and for a moment i paused in my reading and closed my eyes shuddering and sick at heart | 33 |
was human nature as base and abandoned the sorrows of satan as this man declared it to be was there no god but i lust were men and women lower and more in their passions and than the very beasts i mused and dreamed i over the and till i felt myself being dragged down to the brute level of the mind that conceived such to decency i drank in s own contempt of god and i read over and over again his verses before a till i knew them by heart till they rang in my brain as persistently as any nursery and drove my thoughts into as haughty a scorn of christ and his as any jew it is nothing to me now now when without hope or faith or love i am about to take the final plunge into eternal darkness and silence but for the sake of those who have the comfort of a religion i ask why in a so called christian country is such a hideous as before a allowed to among the people without so much as one reproof from those who elect themselves judges of literature i have seen many noble writers condemned unheard many have been accused of whose works tend quite the other way but these lines are permitted to work their cruel mischief and the writer of them is as though he were a benefactor to mankind instead of a i quote them here from bitter memory that i may not be deemed as nature i so when our souls look back to thee they seeing against thy side too foul to speak of or to see the likeness of a bride whose kissing lips through his lips grown leave their god rotten to the bone when we would see thee man and know what heart thou had st towards man indeed lo thy blood blackened lo the lips of priests that pray and feed while their own hell s worm curls and the poison of the the sorrows of satan thou bad st the children come to thee children now but curses come what manhood in that god can be who sees their worship and is dumb no soul that lived loved wrought and died is this their i nay if their god and thou be one if thou and this thing be the same thou should st not look upon the sun the sun grows haggard at thy name come down be done with cease give o er hide strive not be no more from the time of reading this i used to think of christ as if i ever thought at all i found out that no one had ever reproached mr for this term that it did not interfere with his chances for the and that not even a priest of the church had been or zealous enough in his master s cause to publicly resent the outrage so i concluded that must be right in his opinions and i followed the lazy and course of social movement spending my days with such literature as stored my brain with a complete knowledge of things evil and whatever soul i had in me was killed the freshness of my mind was gone among others had helped me to live mentally if not physically through such a phase of vice as had poisoned my thoughts for ever i there is some vague law in existence about placing an on certain books considered injurious to public morals if there is such a rule it has been curiously concerning the author of who by virtue of being a poet passes into many a home carrying into minds that were once and simple as for me after i had studied his verse to my heart s content nothing remained sacred i judged men as beasts and women as little better i had no belief in honour virtue or truth and i was absolutely indifferent to all things save one and that was my resolve to have my own way as far the sorrows of satan as love was concerned i might be forced to marry without love for purely money considerations but all the same love i would have or what i called love not an ideal passion by any means but precisely what mr and a few of the i most praised of the day taught ine to consider as love i began to wonder when and how i should meet my lover such thoughts as i had at this time indeed would have made stare and their hands in horror but to the exterior world i was the very pink and pattern of decorum reserve and pride men desired but feared me for i never gave them any encouragement seeing as yet none among them whom i deemed worthy of such love as i could give the majority resembled carefully trained clothed and shaven but nevertheless all with the grin the eye and the uncouth gestures of the hairy monster when i was just eighteen i came out in earnest that is i was presented at court with all the foolish and pomp practised on such occasions i was told before going that it was a great and necessary thing to be presented that it was a of position and above all of reputation the queen received none whose conduct was not rigidly correct and virtuous what it all was i laughed then and i can smile now to think of it why the very woman who presented me had two sons unknown to her lawful husband and she was not the only playful in the court comedy some women were there that day whom since even would not receive so openly infamous are their lives and characters | 33 |
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