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leaving him more free or so i judged from the motion of his arm and was gone as before and now he made for the wreck rising with the hills falling with the valleys lost beneath the rugged foam borne in towards the shore borne on towards the ship striving hard and the distance was nothing but the power of the sea and wind made the strife deadly at length he the wreck he was so near that with one more of his vigorous strokes he would be clinging to it when a high green vast hill side of water moving on from beyond the ship he seemed to leap up into it with a mighty bound and the ship was gone some fragments i saw in the sea as if a mere had been broken in running to the spot where they were in consternation was in every face they drew him to my very feet insensible dead he was carried to the nearest house and no one preventing me now i remained near him busy while every means of restoration were tried but he had been beaten to death by the great wave and his generous heart was for ever as i sat beside the bed when hope was abandoned and all was done a who had known me when and i were children and ever since whispered my name at the door sir said he with tears starting to his weather beaten face which with his trembling lips was pale will you come over yonder the old remembrance that had been recalled to me was in his look i asked him terror stricken leaning on the arm he held out to support me has a body come ashore he said yes do i know it i asked then he answered nothing but he led me to the shore and on that part of it where she and i had looked for shells two children on that part of it where some lighter fragments of the old boat blown down last night had been scattered by the wind among the ruins of the home he had wronged i saw him lying with his head upon his arm as i had often seen him lie at school chapter the new wound and the old no need to have said when we last spoke together in that hour which i so little deemed to be our parting hour no need to have said think of me at my best i had done that ever and could i change now looking on this sight they brought a hand and laid him on it and covered him with a of david field flag and took him up and bore him on towards the houses all the men who carried him had known him and gone sailing with him and seen him merry and bold they carried him through the wild roar a hush in the midst of all the tumult and took him to the cottage where death was already but when they set the down on the threshold they looked at one another and at me and whispered i knew why they felt as if it were not right to lay him down in the same quiet room we went into the town and took our burden to the inn so soon as i could at all collect my thoughts i sent for and begged him to provide me a conveyance in which it could be got to london in the night i knew that the care of it and the hard duty of preparing his mother to receive it could only rest with me and i was anxious to discharge that duty as faithfully as i could i chose the night for the journey that there might be less curiosity when i left the town but although it was nearly midnight when i came out of the yard in a chaise followed by what i had in charge there were many people waiting at intervals along the town and even a way out upon the road i saw more but at length only the bleak night and the open country were around me and the ashes of my youthful friendship upon a mellow autumn day about noon when the ground was by fallen leaves and many more in beautiful tints of yellow red and brown yet hung upon the trees through which the sun was shining i arrived at i walked the last mile thinking as i went along of what i had to do and left the carriage that had followed me all through the night awaiting orders to advance the house when i came up to it looked just the same not a blind was raised no sign of life was in the dull paved court with its covered way leading to the door the wind had quite gone down and nothing moved i had not at first the courage to ring at the gate and when i did ring my errand seemed to me to be expressed in the very sound of the bell the little parlour maid came out with the key in her hand and looking earnestly at me as she unlocked the gate said i beg your pardon sir are you ill i have been much agitated and am fatigued is anything the matter sir mr james hush said i yes something has happened that i have to break to mrs she is at home the girl anxiously replied that her mistress was very seldom out now even in a carriage that she kept her room that she saw no company but would see me her mistress was up she said and miss was with her what message should she take up stairs giving her a strict charge to be careful of her manner and only to carry in my card and say i | 8 |
waited i sat down in the drawing room which we had now reached until she should come back its former pleasant air of occupation was gone and the shutters were half closed the harp had not been used for many and many a day his picture as a boy was there the cabinet in which his mother had kept his letters was there the personal history and experience i wondered if she ever read them now if she would ever read them more the house was so still that i heard the girl s light step up stairs on her return she brought a message to the effect that mrs was an invalid and could not come down but that if i would excuse her being in her chamber she would be glad to see me in a few moments i stood before her she was in his room not in her own i felt of course that she had taken to occupy it in remembrance of him and that the many tokens of his old sports and accomplishments by which she was surrounded remained there just as he had left them for the same reason she murmured however even in her reception of me that she was out of her own chamber because its aspect was to her infirmity and with her stately look the least suspicion of the truth at her chair as usual was from the first moment of her dark eyes resting on me i saw she knew i was the bearer of evil tidings the sprung into view that instant she withdrew herself a step behind the chair to keep her own face out of mrs s observation and me with a piercing gaze that never faltered never shrunk i am sorry to observe you are in mourning sir said mrs i am unhappily a said i you are very young to know so great a loss she returned i am grieved to hear it i am grieved to hear it i hope time will be good to you i hope time said i looking at her w will be good to all of us dear mrs we must all trust to that in our heaviest misfortunes the earnestness of my manner and the tears in my eyes alarmed her the whole course of her thoughts appeared to stop and change i tried to command my voice in gently saying his name but it trembled she repeated it to herself two or three times in a low tone then addressing me she said with enforced calmness my son is ill very ill you have seen him i have are you reconciled i could not say yes i could not say no she slightly turned her head towards the spot where had been standing at her elbow and in that moment i said by the motion of my lips to dead that mrs might not be induced to look behind her and read plainly written what she was not yet prepared to know i met her look quickly but i had seen throw her hands up in the air with vehemence of despair and horror and then clasp them on her face the handsome lady so like so like regarded me with a fixed look and put her hand to her forehead i her to be calm and prepare herself to bear what i had to tell but i should rather have entreated her to weep for she sat like a stone figure o a o m ce t a a of david when i was last here i faltered miss told me he was sailing here and there the night before last was a dreadful one at sea if he were at sea that night and near a dangerous coast as it is said he and if the vessel that was seen should really be the ship which said mrs come to me she came but with no sympathy or gentleness her eyes gleamed like fire as she confronted his mother and broke into a frightful laugh now she said is your pride appeased you now has he made to you with his life do you hear his life mrs fallen back stiffly in her chair and making no sound but a moan cast her eyes upon her with a wide stare aye cried herself passionately on the breast look at me moan and groan and look at me look here striking the at your dead child s handy work the moan the mother uttered from time to time went to my heart always the same always inarticulate and stifled always accompanied with an incapable motion of the head but with no change of face always proceeding from a rigid mouth and closed teeth as if the jaw were locked and the face frozen up in pain do you remember when he did this she proceeded do you remember when in his inheritance of your nature and in your of his pride and passion he did this and me for life look at me marked until i die with his high displeasure and moan and groan for what you made him miss i entreated her for heaven s sake i will speak she said turning on me with her lightning eyes be silent you look at me i say proud mother of a proud false son moan for your of him moan for your corruption of him moan for your loss of him moan for mine she clenched her hand and trembled through her spare worn figure as if her passion were killing her by inches you resent his she exclaimed you injured by his haughty temper you who opposed to both when your hair was grey the qualities which made both when you gave him birth you who from ms cradle reared him to be what he was and what he should have been are you rewarded now for your | 8 |
years of trouble miss shame cruel i tell you she returned i will speak to her no power on earth should stop me while i was standing here have i been silent all these years and shall i not speak now i loved him better than you ever loved him turning on her fiercely i could have loved him and asked no return if i had been his wife i could have been the slave of his for a word of love a year i should have been who knows it better than i you were proud selfish my love would have been devoted would have trod your paltry under foot with flashing eyes she stamped upon the ground as if she actually did it the personal history and experience look here she said striking the again with a hand when he grew into the better understanding of what he had done he saw it and repented of it i could sing to him and talk to him and show the that i felt in all he did and attain with labor to such knowledge as most interested him and i attracted him when he was and truest he loved me yes he did many a time when you were put off with a slight word he has taken me to his heart she said it with a pride in the midst of her frenzy for it was little less yet with an eager remembrance of it in which the embers of a feeling kindled for the moment i descended as i might have known i should but that he fascinated me with his boyish courtship into a doll a trifle for the occupation of an idle hour to be dropped and taken up and with as the humour took him w t hen he grew weary i grew weary as his fancy died out i would no more have tried to strengthen any power i had than i would have married him on his being forced to take me for his wife we fell away from one another without a word perhaps you saw it and were not sorry since then i have been a mere piece of furniture between you both having no eyes no ears no feelings no moan moan for what you made him not for your love i tell you that the time was when i loved him better than you ever did she stood with her bright angry eyes the wide stare and the set face and softened no more when the moaning was repeated than if the face had been a picture miss said i if you can be so as not to feel for this afflicted mother who feels for me she sharply retorted she has sown this let her for the harvest that she to day and if his faults i began faults she cried bursting into passionate tears who dares him he had a soul worth millions of the friends to whom he stooped no one can have loved him better no one can hold him in dearer remembrance than i i replied i meant to say if you have no compassion for his mother or if his faults you have been bitter on them it s false she cried tearing her black hair i loved him cannot i went on be banished from your remembrance in such an hour look at that figure even as one you have never seen before and render it some help all this time the figure was unchanged and looked motionless rigid staring moaning in the same dumb way from time to time with the same helpless motion of the head but giving no other sign of life miss suddenly down before it and began to the dress a curse upon you she said looking round at me with a mingled expression of rage and grief it was in an evil hour that you ever came here a curse upon you go after passing out of the room i hurried back to ring the bell the sooner to alarm the servants she had then taken the figure in her arms and still upon her knees was weeping over it kissing it calling to of david it rocking it to and fro upon her bosom like a child and trying every tender means to rouse the senses no longer afraid of leaving her i noiselessly turned back again and alarmed the house as i went out later in the day i returned and we laid him in his mother s room she was just the same they told me miss never left her doctors were in attendance many things had been tried but she lay like a statue except for the low sound now and then i went through the dreary house and darkened the windows the windows of the chamber where he lay i darkened last i lifted up the leaden hand and held it to my heart and all the world seemed death and silence broken only by his mother s moaning chapter the one thing more i had to do before yielding myself to the shock of these emotions it was to conceal what had occurred from those who were going away and to dismiss them on their voyage in happy ignorance in this no time was to be lost i took mr aside that same night and confided to him the task of standing between mr and intelligence of the late catastrophe he undertook to do so and to any newspaper through which it might without such precautions reach him if it to him sir said mr striking himself on the breast it shall first pass through this body mr i must observe in his of himself to a new state of society had acquired a bold air not absolutely lawless but and prompt one might have supposed him a child of the wilderness | 8 |
long accustomed to live out of the of and about to return to his native he had provided himself among other things with a complete suit of oil skin and a straw hat with a very low crown pitched or on the outside in this rough clothing with a common s under his arm and a shrewd trick of casting up his eye at the sky as looking out for dirty weather he was far more after his manner than mr his whole family if i may so express it were cleared for action i found mrs in the and most of made fast under the chin and in a shawl which tied her up as i had been tied up when my aunt first received me like a bundle and was secured behind at the waist in a strong knot miss i found made snug for stormy weather in the same manner with nothing superfluous about her master was hardly visible in a the personal history and experience shirt and the suit of i ever saw and the children were done up like preserved in cases both mr and his eldest son wore their sleeves loosely turned back at the wrists as being ready to lend a hand in any direction and to tumble up or sing out heave on the shortest notice thus and i found them at nightfall assembled on the wooden steps at that time known as stairs watching the departure of a boat with some of their property on board i had told of the terrible event and it had greatly shocked him but there could be no doubt of the kindness of keeping it a secret and he had come to help me in this last service it was here that i took mr aside and received his promise the family were lodged in a little dirty tumble down which in those days was close to the stairs and whose rooms the river the family as being objects of some interest in and about attracted so many that we were glad to take refuge in their room it was one of the wooden chambers up stairs with the tide flowing underneath my aunt and were there busily making some little extra comforts in the way of dress for the children was quietly assisting with the old insensible work box yard measure and bit of wax candle before her that had now so much it was not easy to answer her inquiries still less to whisper mr when mr brought him in that i had given the letter and all was well but i did both and made them happy if i showed any trace of what i felt my own sorrows were sufficient to account for it and when does the ship sail mr asked my aunt mr considered it necessary to prepare either my aunt or his wife by degrees and said sooner than he had expected yesterday the boat brought you word i suppose said my aunt it did ma am he returned well said my aunt and she madam he replied i am informed that we must positively be on board before seven to morrow morning said my aunt that s soon is it a sea going fact mr tis so ma am she ll drop down the river with that tide if r and my sister comes aboard at o next day they ll see the last on us and that we shall do said i be sure until then and until we are at sea observed mr with a glance of intelligence at me mr and myself will constantly keep a double look out together on our goods and my love said mr clearing his throat in his magnificent way my friend mr thomas is so obliging as to in my ear that he should have the privilege of ordering the necessary to the composition of a moderate portion of that which is peculiarly associated in our minds with the beef of old england i allude to in short punch under ordinary circumstances i should scruple to entreat the indulgence of miss and miss but of david i can only say for myself said my aunt that i will drink all happiness and success to you mr with the utmost pleasure and i too said with a smile mr immediately descended to the bar where he appeared to be quite at home and in due time returned with a steaming i could not but observe that he had been the with his own clasp knife which as became the knife of a practical was about a foot long and which he wiped not wholly without on the sleeve of his coat mrs and the two elder members of the family i now found to be provided with similar formidable instruments while every child had its own wooden spoon attached to its body by a strong line in a similar anticipation of life afloat and in the bush mr instead of helping mrs and his eldest son and daughter to punch in wine glasses which he might easily have done for there was a shelf full in the room served it out to them in a series of little tin pots and i never saw him enjoy anything so much as drinking out of his own particular pint pot and putting it in his pocket at the close of the evening the luxuries of the old country said mr with an intense satisfaction in their we abandon the of the forest cannot of course expect to in the of the land of the free here a boy came in to say that mr was wanted down stairs i have a said mrs setting down her tin pot that it is a member of my family if so my dear observed mr with his usual suddenness of warmth on that subject as the member of your family | 8 |
whoever he she or it may be has kept us waiting for a considerable period perhaps the member may now wait my convenience said his wife in a low tone at such a time as this c it is not meet said mr rising that every nice offence should bear its comment i stand the loss observed his wife has been my family s not yours if my family are at length sensible of the to which their own conduct has in the past exposed them and now desire to extend the hand of fellowship let it not be my dear he returned so be it if not for their for mine said his wife he returned that view of the question is at such a moment irresistible i cannot even now distinctly pledge myself to fall upon your family s neck but the member of your family who is now in attendance shall have no genial warmth frozen by me mr withdrew and was absent some little time in the course of which mrs was not wholly free from an apprehension that words might have arisen between him and the member at length the same boy re appeared and presented me with a note written in pencil and headed in a legal manner v from this document i learned that mr being again arrested was in a final of despair and that he begged me to send him his knife and pint pot by bearer as they might prove serviceable during the brief remainder the personal history and experience of his existence in jail he also requested as a last act of friendship that i would see his family to the parish and forget that such a being ever lived of course i answered this note by going down with the boy to pay the money where i found mr sitting in a corner looking darkly at the s officer who had effected the capture on his release he embraced me with the utmost and made an entry of the transaction in his pocket book being very particular i recollect about a i omitted from my statement of the total this momentous pocket book was a to him of another transaction on our return to the room upstairs where he accounted for his absence by saying that it had been occasioned by circumstances over which he had no control he took out of it a large sheet of paper folded small and quite covered with long sums carefully worked from the glimpse i had of them i should say that i never saw such sums out of a school book these it seemed were calculations of compound interest on what he called the principal amount of ten eleven and a half for various periods after a careful consideration of these and an elaborate estimate of his resources he had come to the conclusion to select that sum which represented the amount with compound interest to two years fifteen months and fourteen days from that date for this he had drawn a note of hand great neatness which he handed over to on the spot a discharge of his debt in full as between man and man with many i have still a said mrs shaking her head that my family will appear on board before we finally depart mr evidently had his on the subject too but he put it in his tin pot and swallowed it if you have any opportunity of sending letters home on your passage mrs said my aunt you must let us hear from you you know my dear miss she replied i shall only be too happy to think that anyone expects to hear from us i shall not fail to correspond mr i trust as an old and familiar friend will not object to receive occasional intelligence himself from one who knew him when the were yet unconscious i said that i should hope to hear whenever she had an opportunity of writing please heaven there will be many such opportunities said mr the ocean in these times is a perfect fleet of ships and we can hardly fail to encounter many in running over it is merely crossing said mr trifling with his eye glass merely crossing the distance is quite imaginary i think now how odd it was but how wonderfully like mr that when he went from london to he should have talked as if he were going to the farthest limits of the earth and when he went from england to as if he were going for a little trip across the channel of david on the voyage i shall endeavour said mr occasionally to spin them a and the melody of my son will i trust be acceptable at the fire when mrs has her sea legs on an expression in which i hope there is no conventional she will give them i dare say little and i believe will be frequently observed our bows and either on the or the quarter objects of interest will be continually in short said mr with the old genteel air the probability is all will be found so exciting and aloft that when the look out stationed in the main top cries land ho we shall be very considerably astonished with that he flourished off the contents of his little tin pot as if he had made the voyage and had passed a first class examination before the highest naval authorities what i chiefly hope my dear mr said mrs is that in some branches of our family we may live again in the old country do not frown i do not now refer to my own family but to our children however vigorous the said mrs shaking her head i cannot forget the parent tree and when our race to eminence and fortune i own i should wish that fortune to flow into the | 8 |
the little of confusion of which she was the centre went on board mr was waiting for us on deck he told me that mr had just now been arrested again and for the last time at the suit of and that in compliance with a request i had made to him he had paid the money which i repaid him he then took us down between decks and there any lingering fears i had of his having heard any of what had happened were by mr s coming out of the gloom taking his arm with an air of friendship and protection and telling me that they had scarcely been asunder for a moment since the night before last it was such a strange scene to me and so confined and dark that at first i could make out hardly anything but by degrees it cleared as my eyes became more accustomed to the gloom and i seemed to stand in a picture by among the great beams and of the ship and the and and bundles and barrels and heaps of miscellaneous baggage lighted up here and there by dangling and elsewhere by the yellow day light down a or a were crowded groups of people making new taking leave of one another talking laughing crying eating and drinking some already settled down into the possession of their few feet of space with their little arranged and tiny children established on or in dwarf elbow chairs others despairing of a and wandering from babies who had but a week or two of life behind them to crooked old men and women who seemed to have but a week or two of life before them and from bodily carrying out soil of england on their boots to taking away of its and smoke upon their skins eveiy age and occupation appeared to be crammed into the narrow compass of the decks as my eye glanced round this place i thought i saw sitting by an open port with one of the children near her a figure like s it first attracted my attention by another figure parting from it with a kiss and as it glided calmly away through the disorder reminding me of but in the rapid motion and confusion and in the of my own thoughts i lost it again and only knew that the time was come when all visitors were being warned to leave the ship that my nurse was crying on a chest beside me and that mrs the personal history and experience assisted by some younger stooping woman in black was busily arranging mr s goods is there any last r said he is there any one forgotten thing afore we parts one thing said i he touched the younger woman i have mentioned on the shoulder and stood before me heaven bless you you good man cried i you take her with you she answered for him with a burst of tears i could speak no more at that time but i wrung his hand and if ever i have loved and honored any man i loved and honored that man in my soul the ship was clearing fast of strangers the greatest trial that i had remained i told him what the noble spirit that was gone had given me in charge to say at parting it moved him deeply but when he charged me in return with many messages of affection and regret for those deaf ears he moved me more the time was come i embraced him took my weeping nurse upon my arm and hurried away on deck i took leave of poor mrs she was looking about for her family even then and her last words to me were that she never would desert mr we went over the side into our boat and lay at a little distance to see the ship on her course it was then calm radiant sunset she lay between us and the red light and every line and was visible against the glow a sight at once so beautiful so mournful and so hopeful as the glorious ship lying still on the flushed water with all the life on board her crowded at the and there for a moment bare headed and silent i never saw silent only for a moment as the sails rose to the wind and the ship began to move there broke from all the boats three cheers which those on board took up and echoed back and which were echoed and re echoed my heart burst out when i heard the sound and beheld the waving of the hats and handkerchiefs and then i saw her then i saw her at her uncle s side and trembling on his shoulder he pointed to us with an eager hand and she saw us and waved her last to me aye beautiful and drooping cling to him with the utmost trust of thy bruised heart for he has clung to thee with all the might of his great love surrounded by the rosy light and standing high upon the deck apart together she clinging to him and he holding her they solemnly passed away the night had fallen on the hills when we were rowed ashore and fallen darkly upon me of david absence it was a long and gloomy night that gathered on me haunted by the ghosts of many hopes of many dear many errors many sorrows and regrets i went away from england not knowing even then how great the shock was that i had to bear i left all who were dear to me and went away and believed that i had borne it and it was past as a man upon a field of battle will receive a mortal hurt and scarcely know that he is struck so i when i was left alone with my heart had | 8 |
no conception of the wound with which it had to strive the knowledge came upon me not quickly but little by little and grain by grain the desolate feeling with which i went abroad deepened and at first it was a heavy sense of loss and sorrow wherein i could distinguish little else by degrees it became a hopeless consciousness of all that i had lost love friendship interest of all that had been shattered my first trust my first affection the whole airy castle of my life of all that remained a ruined blank and waste lying wide around me unbroken to the dark horizon if my grief were selfish i did not know it to be so i mourned for my child wife taken from her blooming world so young i mourned for him who might have won the love and admiration of thousands as he had won mine long ago i mourned for the broken heart that had found rest in the stormy sea and for the wandering of the simple home where i had heard the night wind blowing when i was a child the accumulated sadness into which i fell i had at length no hope of ever issuing again i from place to place carrying my burden with me everywhere i felt its whole weight now and i drooped beneath it and i said in my heart that it could never be lightened when this despondency was at its worst i believed that i should die sometimes i thought that i would like to die at home and actually turned back on my road that i might get there soon at other times i passed on farther away from city to city seeking i know not what and trying to leave i know not what behind it is not in my power to one by one all the weary phases of distress of mind through which i passed there are some dreams that can only be imperfectly and vaguely described and when i oblige myself to look back on this time of my life i seem to be recalling such a dream i see myself passing on among the of foreign towns palaces temples pictures castles fantastic streets the old abiding places of history and as a might bearing my painful load through all and hardly conscious of the objects as they fade p p the personal history and experience before me to everything but brooding sorrow was the night that fell on my heart let me look up from it as at last i did thank heaven and from its long sad wretched dream to dawn for many months i travelled with this ever darkening cloud upon my mind some blind reasons that i had for not returning home reasons then struggling within me vainly for more distinct expression kept me on my pilgrimage sometimes i had proceeded from place to place stopping nowhere sometimes i had lingered long in one spot i had had no purpose no soul within me anywhere i was in i had come out of italy over one of the great passes of the and had since wandered with a guide among the bye ways of the mountains if those awful had spoken to my heart i did not know it i had found and wonder in the dread heights and in the roaring torrents and the of ice and snow but as yet they had taught me nothing else i came one evening before sunset down into a valley where i was to rest in the course of my descent to it by the winding track along the mountain side from which i saw it shining far below i think some sense of beauty and tranquillity some softening influence awakened by its peace moved faintly in my breast i remember pausing once with a kind of sorrow that was not all oppressive not quite despairing i remember almost hoping that some better change was possible within me i came into the valley as the evening sun was shining on the remote heights of snow that closed it in like eternal clouds the of the mountains forming the in which the little village lay were richly green and high above this vegetation grew forests of dark fir the wintry snow drift like and the above these were range upon range of grey rock bright ice and smooth of pasture all gradually with the crowning snow dotted here and there on the mountain s side each tiny dot a home were lonely wooden cottages so by the towering heights that they appeared too small for toys so did even the clustered village in the valley with its wooden bridge across the stream where the stream tumbled over broken rocks and roared away among the trees in the quiet air there was a sound of distant singing shepherd voices but as one bright evening cloud floated along the mountain s side i could almost have believed it came from there and was not earthly music all at once in this serenity great nature spoke to me and soothed me to lay down my weary head upon the grass and weep as i had not wept yet since died i had found a packet of letters awaiting me but a few minutes before and had strolled out of the village to read them while my supper was making ready other had missed me and i had received none for a long time beyond a line or two to say that i was well and had arrived at such a place i had not had fortitude or constancy to write a letter since i left home the packet was in my hand i opened it and read the writing of of david she was happy and useful was as she had hoped that was all she told me of herself the rest | 8 |
i had bestowed my passionate tenderness upon another object and what i might have done i had not done and what was to me i and her own noble heart had made her in the beginning of the change that gradually worked in me when i tried to get a better understanding of myself and be a better man i did glance through some indefinite to a period when i might possibly hope to the mistaken past and to be so blessed as to many her but as time wore on this shadowy prospect faded and departed from me if she had ever loved me then i should hold her the more sacred remembering the confidences i had in her her knowledge of my heart the sacrifice she must have made to be my friend and sister and the victory she had won if she had never loved me could i believe that she would love me now i had always felt my weakness in comparison with her constancy and fortitude and now i felt it more and more whatever i might have been to her or she to me if i had been more worthy of her long ago i was of david not now and she was not the time was past i had let it go by and had lost her that i suffered much in these that they filled me with and remorse and yet that i had a sense that it was required of me in right and honor to keep away from myself with shame the thought of turning to the dear girl in the withering of my hopes from whom i had turned when they were bright and fresh which consideration was at the root of every thought i had concerning her is all equally true i made no effort to conceal from myself now that i loved her that i was devoted to her but i brought the assurance home to myself that it was now too late and that our relation must be undisturbed i had thought much and often of my s out to me what might have happened in those years that were destined not to try us i had considered how the things that never happen are often as much realities to us in their effects as those that are accomplished the very years she spoke of were realities now for my and would have been one day a little later perhaps though we had parted in our earliest folly i endeavoured to convert what might have been between myself and into a means of making me more self denying more resolved more conscious of myself and my defects and errors thus through the reflection that it might have been i arrived at the conviction that it could never be these with their and were the shifting of my mind from the time of my departure to the time of my return home three years afterwards three years had elapsed since the sailing of the ship when at that same hour of sunset and in the same place i stood on the deck of the packet vessel that brought me home looking on the rosy water where i had seen the image of that ship reflected three years long in the though short as they went by and home was very dear to me and too but she was not mine she was never to be mine she might have been but that was past the personal history and experience chapter i landed in london on a wintry autumn evening it was dark and and i saw more fog and mud in a minute than i had seen in a year i walked from the custom house to the monument before i found a coach and although the very house fronts looking on the swollen were like old friends to me i could not but admit that they were very dingy friends i have often remarked i suppose everybody has that one s going away from a familiar place would seem to be the signal for change in it as i looked out of the coach window and observed that an old house on fish street hill which had stood untouched by painter carpenter or for a century had been pulled down in my absence and that a neighbouring street of time honored and inconvenience was being drained and i half expected to find st paul s cathedral looking older for some changes in the fortunes of my friends i was prepared my aunt had long been re established at and had begun to get into some little practice at the bar in the very first term after my departure he had chambers in gray s inn now and had told me in his last letters that he was not without hopes of being soon united to the dearest girl in the world they expected me home before christmas but had no idea of my returning so soon i had purposely them that i might have the pleasure of taking them by surprise and yet i was perverse enough to feel a chill and disappointment in receiving no welcome and rattling alone and silent through the misty streets the well known shops however with their cheerful lights did something for me and when i alighted at the door of the gray s inn i had recovered my spirits it recalled at first that so time when i had put up at the golden cross and reminded me of the changes that had come to pass since then but that was natural do you know where mr lives in the inn i asked the waiter as i warmed myself by the coffee room fire court sir number two mr has a rising reputation among the lawyers i believe said i well sir returned the waiter probably he has sir but i am not | 8 |
aware of it myself this waiter who was middle aged and spare looked for help to a waiter of more authority a stout old man with a double chin in black breeches and stockings who came out of a place like a church of david s at the end of the coffee room where he kept company with a cash box a a law list and other books and papers mr said the spare waiter number two in the court the waiter waved him away and turned gravely to me i was inquiring said i whether mr at number two in the court has not a rising reputation among the lawyers never heard his name said the waiter in a rich voice i felt quite for he s a young man sure said the waiter fixing his eyes severely on me how long has he been in the inn not above three years said i the waiter who i supposed had lived in his s for forty years could not pursue such an insignificant subject he asked me what i would have for dinner i felt i was in england again and really was quite cast down on s account there seemed to be no hope for him i meekly ordered a bit of fish and a and stood before the fire musing on his obscurity as i followed the chief waiter with my eyes i could not help thinking that the garden in which he had gradually blown to be the flower he was was an place to rise in it had such a long established solemn elderly air i glanced about the room which had had its floor no doubt in exactly the same manner when the chief waiter was a boy if he ever was a boy which appeared improbable and at the shining tables where i saw myself reflected in depths of old mahogany and at the lamps without a flaw in their or cleaning and at the comfortable green curtains with their pure brass rods the boxes and at the two large coal fires brightly burning and at the rows of as if with the consciousness of pipes of expensive old port wine below and both england and the law appeared to me to be very difficult indeed to be taken by storm i went up to my bed room to change my wet clothes and the vast extent of that old apartment which was over the leading to the inn i remember and the of the four post and the gravity of the of drawers all seemed to unite in sternly frowning on the fortunes of or on any such daring youth i came down again to my dinner and even the slow comfort of the meal and the orderly silence of the place which was bare of guests the long not yet being over were eloquent on the audacity of and his small hopes of a for twenty years to come i had seen nothing like this since i went away and it quite dashed my hopes for my friend the chief waiter had had enough of me he came near me no more but devoted himself to an old gentleman in long to meet whom a pint of special port seemed to come out of the cellar of its own accord for he gave no order the second waiter informed me in a whisper that this old gentleman was a retired living in the square and worth a of money which it was expected he would leave to his s daughter likewise that it was that he had a service of plate in a all with lying by though more than one spoon and a fork had never yet been beheld in his chambers by mortal s the personal history and experience vision by this time i quite gave up for lost and settled in my own mind that there was no hope for him being very anxious to see the dear old fellow nevertheless i despatched my dinner in a manner not at all calculated to raise me in the opinion of the chief waiter and hurried out by the back way number r o in the court was soon reached and an inscription on the door post informing me that mr occupied a set of chambers on the top story i ascended the staircase a crazy old staircase i found it to be feebly lighted on each landing by a club headed little oil dying away in a little of dirty glass in the course of my stumbling up stairs i fancied i heard a pleasant sound of laughter and not the laughter of an attorney or or attorney s clerk or s clerk but of two or three merry girls happening however as i stopped to listen to put my foot in a hole where the honorable society of gray s inn had left a plank deficient i fell down with some noise and when i recovered my footing all was silent groping my way more carefully for the rest of the journey my heart beat high when i found the outer door which had mr painted on it open i knocked a considerable within ensued but nothing else i therefore knocked again a small sharp looking lad half and half clerk who was very much out of breath but who looked at me as if he defied me to prove it presented himself is mr within said i yes sir but he s engaged i want to see him after a moment s survey of me the sharp looking lad decided to let me in and opening the door wider for that purpose admitted me first into a little closet of a hall and next into a little sitting room where i came into the presence of my old friend also out of breath seated at a table and bending over papers good god | 8 |
cried looking up it s and rushed into my arms where i held him tight all well my dear all well my dear dear and nothing but good news we cried with pleasure both of us my dear fellow said his hair in his excitement which was a most unnecessary operation my dearest my long lost and most welcome friend how glad i am to see you how brown you are how glad i am upon my life and honor i never was so rejoiced my beloved never was equally at a loss to express my emotions i was quite unable to speak at first my dear fellow said and grown so famous my glorious good gracious me did you come where have you come from what have you been doing never pausing for an answer to anything he said who had clapped me into an easy chair by the fire all this time stirred the fire with one hand and pulled at my neck with the other under some wild delusion that it was a great coat without putting of david down the lie now me again and i him and both laughing and both wiping our eyes we both sat down and shook hands across the hearth to think said that you should have been so nearly coming home as you must have been my dear old boy and not at the ceremony what ceremony my dear good gracious me cried opening his eyes in his old way didn t you get my last letter certainly not if it referred to any ceremony why my dear said sticking his hair upright with both hands and then putting his hands on my knees i am married married i cried joyfully lord bless me yes said by the to down in why my dear boy she s behind the window curtain look here to my amazement the dearest girl in the world came at that same instant laughing and blushing from her place of concealment and a more cheerful amiable honest happy bright looking bride i believe as i could not help saying on the spot the world never saw i kissed her as an old acquaintance should and wished them joy with all my might of heart dear me said what a delightful re union this is you are so extremely brown my dear god bless my soul how happy i am and so am i said i and i am sure i am said the blushing and laughing we are all as happy as possible said even the girls are happy dear me i declare i forgot them forgot said i the girls said s sisters they are staying with us they have come to have a peep at london the fact is when was it you that tumbled up stairs it was said i laughing well then when you tumbled up stairs said i was with the girls in point of fact we were playing at in the corner but as that wouldn t do in westminster hall and as it wouldn t look quite professional if they were seen by a they and they are now listening i have no doubt said glancing at the door of another room i am sorry said i laughing afresh to have occasioned such a upon my word rejoined greatly delighted if you had seen them running away and running back again after you had knocked to pick up the they had dropped out of their hair and going on n the manner you wouldn t have said so my love will you fetch the girls tripped away and we heard her received in the adjoining room with a peal of laughter the personal history and experience really musical isn t it my dear said it a very agreeable to hear it quite lights up these old rooms to an unfortunate bachelor of a fellow who has lived alone all his life you know it s positively delicious it s charming poor things they have had a great loss in who i do assure you is and ever was the dearest girl i and it me beyond expression to find them in such good spirits the society of girls is a very delightful thing it s not professional but it s very delightful observing that he slightly faltered and that in the goodness of his heart he was fearful of giving me some pain by what he had said i expressed my with a that evidently relieved and pleased him greatly but then said our domestic arrangements are to say the truth quite altogether my dear even s being here is and we have no other place of abode we have put to sea in a but we are quite prepared to rough it and s an extraordinary manager you h be surprised how those girls are away i am sure i hardly know how it s done are many of the young ladies with you i inquired the eldest the beauty is here said in a low confidential voice and s here the one i mentioned to you as having something the matter with her you know immensely better and the two youngest that educated are with us and s here indeed cried i yes said now the w r hole set i mean the chambers is only three rooms but for the girls in the most wonderful way and they sleep as comfortably as possible three in that room said pointing two in that i could not help glancing round in search of the accommodation remaining for mr and mrs understood me well said we are prepared to rough it as i said just now and we did a bed last week upon the floor here but there s a little room in the roof a very nice room when you re up there which herself | 8 |
to surprise me and that s our room at present it s a capital little sort of place there s quite a view from it and you are happily married at last my dear said i how rejoiced i am thank you my dear said as we shook hands once more yes i am as happy as it s possible to be there s your old friend you see said nodding triumphantly at the flower pot and stand and there s the table with the marble top all the other furniture is plain and serviceable you perceive and as to plate lord bless you we haven t so much as a tea spoon all to be earned said i cheerfully exactly so replied all to be earned of course we have something in the shape of tea because we stir our tea but they re metal of david the silver will be the brighter when it comes said i the very thing we say cried you see my dear falling again into the low confidential tone after i had delivered my argument in which did me great service with the profession i went down into and had some serious conversation in private with the i dwelt upon the fact that who i do assure you is the dearest girl lam certain she is said i she is indeed rejoined but i am afraid i am wandering from the subject did i mention the you said that you dwelt upon the fact true upon the fact that and i had been engaged for a long period and that with the permission of her parents was more than content to take me in short said with his old frank smile on our present metal footing very well i then proposed to the who is a most excellent clergyman and ought to be a bishop or at least ought to have enough to live upon without himself that if i could turn the corner say of two hundred and fifty pounds in one year and could see my way pretty clearly to that or something better next year and could plainly furnish a little place like this besides then and in that case and i should be united i took the liberty of representing that we had been patient for a good many years and that the circumstance of s being useful at home ought not to operate with her affectionate parents against her establishment in life don t you see certainly it ought not said i i am glad you think so rejoined because without any on the i do think parents and brothers and so forth are sometimes rather selfish in such cases well i also pointed out that my most earnest desire was to be useful to the family and that if i got on in the world and anything should happen to him i refer to the i understand said i or to mrs it would be the utmost gratification of my w r to be a parent to the girls he replied in a most admirable manner exceedingly flattering to my feelings and undertook to obtain the consent of mrs to this arrangement they had a dreadful time of it with her it mounted from her legs into her chest and then into her what mounted i asked her grief replied with a serious look her feelings generally as i mentioned on a former occasion she is a very superior woman but has lost the use of her limbs whatever occurs to her usually settles in her legs but on this occasion it mounted to the chest and then to the head and in short pervaded the whole system in a most alarming manner however they brought her through it by and affectionate attention and we were married yesterday six weeks you have no idea what a monster i felt when i saw the whole family crying and fainting away in every direction mrs the personal history and experience couldn t see me before we couldn t forgive me then for her of her child but she is a good creature and has done so since i had a delightful letter from her only this morning and in short my dear friend said i you feel as as you deserve to feel oh that s your partiality laughed but indeed i am in a most state i work hard and read law i get up at five every morning and don t mind it at all i hide the girls in the day time and make merry with them in the evening and i assure you i am quite sorry that they are going home on tuesday which is the day before the first day of term but here said breaking off in his confidence and speaking aloud are the girls mr miss miss miss margaret and they were a perfect nest of roses they looked so wholesome and fresh they were all pretty and miss was very handsome but there was a loving cheerful fireside quality in s bright looks which was better than that and which assured me that my friend had chosen well we all sat round the fire while the sharp boy who i now divined had lost his breath in putting the papers out cleared them away again and produced the tea things after that he retired for the night shutting the outer door upon us with a bang mrs with perfect pleasure and composure beaming from her household eyes having made the tea then quietly made the toast as she sat in a corner by the fire she had seen she told me while she was tom had taken her down into for a wedding trip and there she had seen my aunt too and both my aunt and were well and they had all talked of nothing | 8 |
this time but being a mild meek calm little man had worn so easily that i thought he looked at that moment just as he might have looked when he sat in our parlor waiting for me to be born mr had left six or seven years ago and i had never seen him since he sat placidly the newspaper with his little head on one side and a glass of warm at his elbow he was so extremely in his manner that he seemed to to the very newspaper for taking the liberty of reading it i walked up to where he was sitting and said how do you do mr he was greatly fluttered by this unexpected address from a stranger and replied in his slow way i thank you sir you are very good thank you sir i hope you are well you don t remember me said i well sir returned mr smiling very meekly and shaking his head as he surveyed me i have a kind of an impression that something in your countenance is familiar to me sir but i couldn t lay my hand upon your name really and yet you knew it long before i knew it myself i returned did i indeed sir said mr is it possible that i had the honor sir of when yes said i dear me cried mr but no doubt you are a good deal changed since then sir probably said i well sir observed mr i hope you excuse me if i am compelled to ask the favor of your name on my telling him my name he was really moved he quite shook hands vith me which was a violent proceeding for him his usual course being to slide a little fish an inch or two in advance of his hip and the greatest when anybody with it even now he put his hand in his coat pocket as soon as he could it and seemed relieved when he had got it safe back dear me sir said mr surveying me with his head on one side and it s mr is it well sir i think i should have known you if i had taken the liberty of looking more closely at you there s a strong resemblance between you and your poor father sir i never had the happiness of seeing my father i observed yery true sir said mr in a soothing tone and very op david much to be it was on all accounts we are not ignorant sir said mr slowly his little head again down in our part of the country of your fame there must be great excitement here sir said mr tapping himself on the forehead with his forefinger you must find it a trying occupation sir what is your part of the country now i asked myself near him i am established within a few miles of bury st sir said mr mrs coming into a little property in that neighbourhood under her father s will i bought a practice down there in which you will be glad to hear i am doing well my daughter is growing quite a tall now sir said mr giving his little head another little shake her mother let down two in her only last week such is time you see sir as the little man put his now empty glass to his lips when he made this reflection i proposed to him to have it and i would keep him company with another well sir he returned in his slow way it s more than i am accustomed to but i can t deny myself the pleasure of your conversation it seems but yesterday that i had the honor of attending you in the you came through them sir i acknowledged this compliment and ordered the which was soon produced quite an uncommon said mr stirring it but i can t resist so extraordinary an occasion you have no family sir i shook my head i was aware that you sustained a sir some time ago said mr i heard it from your father in law s sister very decided character there sir why yes said i decided enough where did you see her mr are you not aware sir returned mr with his smile that your father in law is again a neighbour of mine no said i he is indeed sir said mr married a young lady of that part with a very good little property poor thing and this action of the brain now sir don t you find it fatigue you said mr looking at me like an admiring robin i that question and returned to the i was aware of his being married again do you attend the family i asked not regularly i have been called in he replied strong development of the organ of firmness in mr and his sister sir i replied with such an expressive look that mr was by that and the together to give his head several short shakes and thoughtfully exclaim ah dear me we remember old times mr and the brother and sister are pursuing their old course are they said i well sir replied mr a medical man being so much in families ought to have neither eyes nor ears for anything but his pro the history and experience still i must say they are very severe sir both as to this life and the next the next will be regulated without much reference to them i dare say i returned what are they doing as to this mr shook his head stirred his and it she was a charming woman sir he observed in a plaintive manner the present mrs a charming woman indeed sir said mr as amiable i am sure as it was possible to be mrs s opinion is that her spirit has been entirely broken since | 8 |
her marriage and that she is all but melancholy mad and the ladies observed mr are great sir i suppose she was to be subdued and broken to their detestable mould heaven help her said i and she has been well sir there were violent quarrels at first i assure you said mr but she is quite a shadow now would it be considered forward if i was to say to you sir in confidence that since the sister came to help the brother and sister between them have nearly reduced her to a state of i told him i could easily believe it i have no hesitation in saying said mr himself with another of between you and me sir that her mother died of it or that tyranny gloom and worry have made mrs nearly she was a lively young woman sir before marriage and their gloom and destroyed her they go about with her now more like her than her husband and sister in law that was mrs s remark to me only last week and i assure you sir the ladies are great mrs herself is a great observer does he gloomily profess to be i am ashamed to use the word in such association religious still i inquired you anticipate sir said mr his eyelids getting quite red with the unwonted in which he was indulging one of mrs s most impressive remarks mrs he proceeded in the and manner quite me by pointing out that mr sets up an image of himself and calls it the divine nature you might have knocked me down on the flat of my back sir with the feather of a pen t assure you when mrs said so the ladies are great sir said i to his extreme delight i am very happy to receive such support in my opinion sir he rejoined it is not often that i venture to give a non medical opinion i assure you mr public addresses sometimes and it is said in short sir it is said by mrs that the darker tyrant he has lately been the more ferocious is his doctrine i believe mrs to be perfectly right said i mrs does go so far as to say pursued the of little men much encouraged that what such people their religion is a vent for their bad and and do you know i must say sir he continued mildly laying his head on one side that i don t find authority for mr and miss in the new testament of david i never found it either said i in the meantime sir said mr they are much disliked and as they are very free in everybody who them to we really have a good deal of going on in our neighbourhood however as mrs say sir they undergo a continual punishment for they are turned inward to feed upon their own hearts and their own hearts are very bad feeding now sir about that brain of yours if you ll excuse my returning to it don t you expose it to a good deal of excitement sir i found it not difficult in the excitement of mr s own brain under his of to divert his attention from this topic to his own affairs on which for the next half hour he was quite giving me to understand among other pieces of information that he was then at the gray s inn coffee house to lay his professional evidence before a commission of touching the state of mind of a patient who had become from excessive drinking and i assure you sir he said i am extremely nervous on such occasions i could not support being what is called sir it would quite me do you know it was some time before i recovered the conduct of that alarming on the night of your birth mr i told him that i was going down to my aunt the of that night early in the morning and that she was one of the most and excellent of women as he would know full well if he knew her better the mere notion of the possibility of his ever seeing her again appeared to him he replied with a small pale smile is she so indeed sir really and almost immediately called for a candle and went to bed as if he were not quite safe anywhere else he did not actually under the but i should think his placid little pulse must have made two or three more beats in a minute than it had done since the great night of my aunt s disappointment when she struck at him with her bonnet thoroughly tired i went to bed too at midnight passed the next day on the coach burst safe and sound into my aunt s old parlor while she was at tea she wore spectacles now and was received by her and mr dick and dear old who acted as housekeeper with open arms and tears of joy my aunt was amused when we began to talk by my account of my meeting with mr and of his holding her in such dread remembrance and both she and had a great deal to say about my poor mother s second husband and that woman of a sister on whom i think no pain or penalty would have induced my aunt to bestow any christian or proper name or any other a q the personal history and experience chapter my aunt and i when we were left alone talked far into the night how the never wrote home otherwise than cheerfully and how mr had actually divers small sums of money on account of those pecuniary in reference to which he had been so business like as between man and man how returning into my aunt s service when she came back to had finally carried | 8 |
out her of mankind by entering into with a tavern keeper and how my aunt had finally set lier seal on the same great principle by and the bride and crowning the marriage ceremony with her presence were among our topics already more or less familiar to me through the letters i had had mr dick as usual was not forgotten my aunt informed me how he incessantly occupied himself in everything he could lay his hands on and kept king charles the first at a respectful distance by that semblance of employment how it was one of the main joys and rewards of her life that he was free and happy instead of in monotonous restraint and how as a novel general conclusion nobody but she could ever fully know what he was and when trot said my aunt patting the back of my hand as we sat in our old way before the fire when are you going over to i shall get a horse and ride over to morrow morning aunt unless you will go with me no said my aunt in her short abrupt way i mean to stay where i am then i should ride i said i could not have come through to day without stopping if i had been coming to anyone but her she was pleased but answered tut trot my old bones would have kept till to morrow and softly patted my hand again as i sat looking thoughtfully at the fire thoughtfully for i could not be here once more and so near without the revival of those regrets with which i had so long been occupied softened regrets they might be teaching me what i had failed to learn when my younger life was all before me but not the less regrets oh trot i seemed to hear my aunt say once more and i understood her better blind blind blind we both kept silence for some minutes when i raised my eyes i found that she was steadily observant of me perhaps she had followed the current of my mind for it seemed to me an easy one to track now wilful as it had been once oe david you will find her father a white haired old man said my aunt though a better man in all other respects a man neither will you find him measuring all human interests and joys and sorrows with his one poor little inch rule now trust me child such things must shrink very much before they can be measured off in that way indeed they must said i you will find her pursued my aunt as good as beautiful as earnest as disinterested as she has always been if i knew higher praise trot i would bestow it on her there was no higher praise for her no higher reproach for me how had i strayed so far away if she trains the young girls whom she has about her to be like herself said my aunt earnest even to the filling of her eyes with tears heaven knows her life will be well employed useful and happy as she said that day how could she be otherwise than useful and happy has any i was thinking aloud rather than speaking well hey any what said my aunt sharply any lover said i a score cried my aunt with a kind of indignant pride she might have married twenty times my dear since you have been gone no doubt said i no doubt but has she any lover who is worthy of her could care for no other my aunt sat musing for a little while with her chin upon her hand slowly raising her eyes to mine she said i suspect she has an attachment trot a prosperous one said i trot returned my aunt gravely i can t say i have no right to tell you even so much she has never confided it to me but i suspect it she looked so attentively and anxiously at me i even saw her tremble that i felt now more than ever that she had followed my late thoughts i summoned all the resolutions i had made in all those many days and nights and all those many of my heart if it should be so began and i hope it is i don t know that it is said my aunt you must not be ruled by my suspicions you must keep them secret they are very slight perhaps i have no right to speak if it should be so i repeated will tell me at her own good time a sister to whom i have confided so much aunt will not be reluctant to confide in me my aunt withdrew her eyes from mine as slowly as she had turned them upon me and covered them thoughtfully with her hand by and by she put her other hand on my shoulder and so we both sat looking into the past without saying another word until we parted for the night i rode away early in the morning for the scene of my old school days i cannot say that i was yet quite happy in the hope that i was gaining a victory over myself even in the prospect of so soon looking on her face again the well remembered ground was soon traversed and i came into the quiet streets where every stone was a boy s book to me i went on q q the personal history and experience foot to the old house and went away with a heart too full to enter i returned and looking as i passed through the low window of the room where first and afterwards mr had been wont to sit saw that it was a little parlor now and that there was no office otherwise the staid old house was as to its cleanliness | 8 |
and order still just as it had been when i first saw it i requested the new maid who admitted me to tell miss that a gentleman who waited on her from a friend abroad was there and i was shown up the grave old staircase of the steps i knew so well into the unchanged drawing room the books that and i had read together were on their shelves and the desk where i had labored at my lessons many a night stood yet at the same old corner of the table all the little changes that had crept in when the were there were changed again everything was as it used to be in the happy time i stood in a window and looked across the ancient street at the opposite houses recalling how i had watched them on wet when i first came there and how i had used to about the people who appeared at any of the windows and had followed them with my eyes up and down stairs while women went along the pavement in and the dull rain fell in lines and poured out of the yonder and flowed into the road the feeling with which i used to watch the as they came into the town on those wet evenings at dusk and past with their bundles drooping over their shoulders at the ends of sticks came back to me as then with the smell of damp earth and wet leaves and and the sensation of the very airs that blew upon me in my own journey the opening of the little door in the wall made me start and turn her beautiful serene eyes met mine as she came towards me she stopped and laid her hand upon her bosom and i caught her in my arms my dear girl i have come too suddenly upon you no no i am so rejoiced to see you dear the happiness it is to me to see you once again i folded her to my heart and for a little w t we were both silent presently w r e sat down side by side and her angel face was turned upon me with the welcome i had dreamed of w r and sleeping for whole years she was so true she was so beautiful she was so good i owed her so much gratitude she was so dear to me that i could find no utterance for what i felt i tried to bless her tried to thank her tried to tell her as i had often done in letters what an influence she had upon me but all my efforts were in vain my love and joy were dumb with her own sweet tranquillity she my agitation led me back to the time of our parting spoke to me of whom she had visited in secret many times spoke to me tenderly of s grave with the instinct of her noble heart she touched the of my memory so softly and that not one within me i could listen to the sorrowful distant music and desire to shrink from nothing it awoke how could i when blended with it all was her dear self the better angel of my life of david and you i said by and by tell me of yourself you hardly ever told me of your own life in all this lapse of time what should i tell she answered with her radiant smile papa is well you see us here quiet in our own home our anxieties set at rest our home restored to us and knowing that dear trot wood you know all all said i she looked at me with some fluttering wonder in her face is there nothing else sister i said her color which had just now faded returned and faded again she smiled with a quiet sadness i thought and shook her head i had sought to lead her to what my aunt had hinted at for sharply painful to me as it must be to receive that confidence i was to discipline my heart and do my duty to her i saw however that she was uneasy and i let it pass you have much to do dear with my school said she looking up again in all her bright composure yes it is laborious is it not the labor is so pleasant she returned that it is scarcely grateful in me to call it by that name nothing good is difficult to you said i her color came and went once more and once more as she bent her head i saw the same sad smile you will wait and see papa said cheerfully and pass the day with us perhaps you will sleep in your own room we always call it yours i could not do that having promised to ride back to my aunt s at night but i would pass the day there joyfully i must be a prisoner for a little while said but here are the old books and the old music even the old flowers are here said i looking round or the old kinds i have found a pleasure returned smiling while you have been absent in keeping every thing as it used to be when we were children we were very happy then i think heaven knows we were said i and every little thing that has reminded me of my brother said with her cordial eyes turned cheerfully upon me has been a welcome companion even this showing me the basket trifle full of keys still hanging at her side seems to a kind of old tune she smiled again and went out at the door by which she had come it was for me to guard this affection with religious care it was all that i had left myself and it was a treasure if i once shook | 8 |
the foundations of the sacred confidence and usage in virtue of which it was given to me it was lost and could never be recovered i set this steadily before myself the better i loved her the more it me never to forget it i walked through the streets and once more seeing my old adversary the butcher now a with his staff hanging up in the shop went down to look at the place where i had fought him and there s the personal history and experience on miss shepherd and the eldest miss and all the idle loves and and of that time nothing seemed to have survived that time but and she ever a star above me was brighter and higher when i returned mr had come home from a garden he had a couple of miles or so out of the town where he now employed himself almost every day i found him as my aunt had described him we sat down to dinner with some half dozen little girls and he seemed but the shadow of his handsome picture on the wall the tranquillity and peace belonging of old to that quiet ground in my memory pervaded it again when dinner was done mr taking no wine and i desiring none we went up stairs where and her little charges sang and played and worked after tea the children left us and we three sat together talking of the by gone days my part in them said mr shaking his white head has much matter for regret for deep regret and deep you well know i would not it if it were in my power i could readily believe that looking at the face beside him i should with it he pursued such patience and devotion such fidelity such a child s love as i must not forget no even to forget myself i understand you sir i softly said i hold it i have always held it in veneration but no one knows not even you he returned how much she has done how much she has undergone how hard she has dear she had put her hand on his arm to stop him and was very very pale well well he said with a sigh as i then saw some trial she had borne or was yet to bear in with what my aunt had told me well i have never told you of her mother has any one never sir it s not much though it was much to suffer she married me in opposition to her father s wish and he her she prayed him to forgive her before my came into this world he was a very hard man and her mother had long been dead he her he broke her heart leaned upon his shoulder and stole her arm about his neck she had an affectionate and gentle heart he said and it was broken i knew its tender nature very well no one could if i did not she loved me dearly but was never happy she was always laboring in secret under this distress and being delicate and downcast at the time of his last for it was not the first by many away and died she left me two weeks old and the grey hair that you recollect me w r ith when you first came he kissed on her cheek my love for my dear child was a love but my mind was all then i say no more of that i am not speaking of myself but of her mother and of her if i give you any clue to what i am or to what i have been you will it i know what of david c field is i need not say i have always read something of her poor mother s story in her character and so i tell it you to night when we three are again together after such great changes i have told it all his bowed head and her angel face and filial duty derived a more pathetic meaning from it than they had had before if i had wanted anything by which to mark this night of our i should have found it in this rose up from her father s side before long and going softly to her piano played some of the old airs to which we had often listened in that place have you any intention of going away again asked me as i was standing by what does my sister say to that i hope not then i have no such intention i think you ought not since yon ask me she said mildly your growing reputation and success your power of doing good and if could spare my brother with her eyes upon me perhaps the time could not what i am you have made me you should know best made you yes my dear girl i said bending over her i tried to tell you when we met to day something that has been in my thoughts since died you remember when you came down to me in our little room pointing upward oh she returned her eyes filled with tears so loving so confiding and so young can i ever forget as you were then my sister i have often thought since you have ever been to me ever pointing upward ever leading me to something better ever directing me to higher things she only shook her head through her tears i saw the same sad quiet smile and i am so grateful to you for it so bound to you that there is no name for the affection of my heart i want you to know yet don t know how to tell you that all my life long i shall look up to you and be guided by | 8 |
you as i have been through the darkness that is past whatever whatever new ties you may form whatever changes may come between us i shall always look to you and love you as i do now and have always done you will always be my solace and resource as you have always been until i die my dearest sister i shall see you always before me pointing upward she put her hand in mine and told me she was proud of me and of what i said although i praised her very far beyond her worth then she went on softly playing but without removing her eyes from me do you know what i have heard to night said i strangely seems to be a part of the feeling with which i regarded you when i saw you first with which i sat beside you in my rough school days you knew i had no mother she replied with a smile and felt kindly towards me more than that i knew almost as if i had known this story the personal history and experience that there was something gentle and softened surrounding you something that might have been sorrowful in some one else as i can now understand it was but was not so in you she softly played on looking at me still will you laugh at my such fancies no or at my saying that i really believe i felt even then that you could be faithfully affectionate against all and never cease to be so until you ceased to live will you laugh at such a dream oh no oh no for an instant a shadow crossed her face but even in the start it gave me it was gone and she was playing on and looking at me with her own calm smile as i rode back in the lonely night the wind going by me like a restless memory i thought of this and feared she was not happy was not happy but thus far i had faithfully set the seal upon the past and thinking of her pointing upward thought of her as pointing to that sky above me where in the mystery to come i might yet love her with a love unknown on earth and tell her what the strife had been within me when i loved her here chapter i am shown two interesting tor a time at all events until my book should be completed which would be the work of several months i took up my abode in my aunt s house at and there sitting in the window from which i had looked out at the moon upon the sea when that roof first gave me shelter i quietly pursued my task in of my intention of referring to my own only when their course should incidentally connect itself with the progress of my story i do not enter on the aspirations the delights anxieties and triumphs of my art that i truly devoted myself to it with my strongest earnestness and bestowed upon it every energy of my soul i have already said if the books i have written be of any worth they will supply the rest i shall otherwise have written to poor purpose and the rest will be of interest to no one occasionally i went to london to lose myself in the swarm of life there or to consult with on some business point he had managed for me in my absence with the judgment and my worldly affairs were as my began to bring upon me an enormous quantity of letters from people of whom i had no knowledge chiefly about nothing and extremely difficult to answer i agreed op david with to have my name painted up on his door there the devoted on that beat delivered of letters for me and there at intervals i labored through them like a home secretary of state without the salary among this correspondence there dropped in every now and then an obliging proposal from one of the numerous always lurking about the to practise under cover of my name if i would take the necessary steps remaining to make a of myself and pay me a on the profits but i declined these offers being already aware that there were plenty of such covert in existence and considering the quite bad enough without my doing anything to make it worse the girls had gone home when my name burst into bloom on s door and the sharp boy looked all day as if he had never heard of shut up in a back room glancing down from her work into a little strip of garden with a pump in it but there i always found her the same bright often humming her when no strange foot was coming up the stairs and the sharp boy in his official closet with melody i wondered at first why i so often found writing in a copy book and why she always shut it up when i appeared and hurried it into the table drawer but the secret soon came out one day who had just come home through the from court took a paper out of his desk and asked me what i thought of that handwriting oh tom cried who was warming his slippers before the fire my dear returned tom in a delighted state why not what do you say to that writing it s legal and formal said i i don t think i ever saw such a stiff hand not like a lady s hand is it said a lady s i repeated bricks and mortar are more like a lady s hand broke into a laugh and informed me that it was s writing that had vowed and declared he would need a clerk soon and she would be that clerk that she | 8 |
if you tl read his letter you find he is the tenderest of men to prisoners convicted of the whole of said i though i can t find that his tenderness extends to any other class of created beings shrugged his shoulders and was not at all surprised i had not expected him to be and was not surprised myself or my observation of similar practical would have been but scanty we arranged the time of our visit and i wrote accordingly to mr that evening on the appointed day i think it was the next day but no matter and i repaired to the prison where mr was powerful it was an immense and solid building erected at a vast expense i could not help thinking as we approached the gate what an uproar would have been made in the country if any man had proposed to spend one half the money it had cost on the of an school for the young or a house of refuge for the deserving old in an office that might have been on the ground floor of the tower of it was so constructed we were presented to our old who was one of a group composed of two or three of the sort of and some visitors they had brought he received me like a man who had formed my mind in years and had always loved me tenderly on my introducing mr expressed in like manner but in an inferior degree that he had always been s guide philosopher and friend our venerable was a great deal older and not improved in appearance his face was as fiery as ever his eyes were as small and rather deeper set the scanty wet looking the personal history and experience grey hair by which i remembered him was almost gone and the thick veins in his bald head were none the more agreeable to look at after some conversation among these gentlemen from which i might have supposed that there was nothing in the world to be taken into account but the supreme comfort of prisoners at any expense and nothing on the wide earth to be done outside prison doors we began our inspection it being then just dinner time we went first into the great kitchen where every prisoner s dinner was in course of being set out separately to be handed to him in his cell with the regularity and precision of clock work i said aside to that i wondered whether it occurred to anybody that there was a striking contrast between these plentiful of choice quality and the dinners not to say of but of soldiers sailors the great bulk of the honest working community of whom not one man in five hundred ever dined half so well but i learned that the system required high living and in short to dispose of the system once for all i found that on that head and on all others the system put an end to all doubts and disposed of all nobody appeared to have the least idea that there was any other system but the system to be considered as we were going through some of the magnificent passages i inquired of mr and his friends what were supposed to be the main advantages of this all governing and universally over riding system i found them to be the perfect of prisoners so that no one man in confinement there knew anything about another and the of prisoners to a wholesome state of mind leading to sincere and repentance now it struck me when we began to visit individuals in their and to the passages in which those were and to have the manner of the going to chapel and so forth explained to us that there was a strong probability of the prisoners knowing a good deal about each other and of their carrying on a pretty complete system of intercourse this at the time i write has been proved i believe to be the case but as it would have been flat against the system to have hinted such a doubt then i looked out for the as diligently as i could and here again i had great i found as a fashion in the form of the as i had left outside in the forms of the coats and in the windows of the shops i found a vast amount of profession varying very little in character varying very little which i thought exceedingly suspicious even in words i found a great many whole of inaccessible grapes but i found very few whom i would have trusted within reach of a bunch above all i found that the most men were the greatest objects of interest and that their conceit their vanity their want of excitement and their love of deception which many of them possessed to an almost incredible extent as their histories showed all prompted to these professions and were all gratified by them however i heard so repeatedly in the course of our to and fro of a certain number twenty seven who was the favorite and who really appeared to be a model prisoner that i resolved to my judgment until i should see twenty seven twenty eight i understood was also i of david a bright particular star but it was his misfortune to have his glory a little by the extraordinary lustre of twenty seven i heard so much of twenty seven of his pious to everybody around him and of the beautiful letters he constantly wrote to his mother whom he seemed to consider in a very bad way that i became quite impatient to see him i had to restrain my impatience for some time on account of twenty seven being reserved for a concluding effect but at last we came to the door of his cell and mr looking through a little | 8 |
hole in it reported to us in a state of the greatest admiration that he was reading a hymn book there was such a rush of heads immediately to see number twenty seven reading his hymn book that the little hole was blocked up six or seven heads deep to remedy this inconvenience and give us an opportunity of conversing with twenty seven in all his purity mr directed the door of the cell to be unlocked and twenty seven to be invited out into the passage this was done and whom should and i then behold to our amazement in this converted number twenty seven but he knew us directly and said as he came out with the old how do you do mr how do you do mr this recognition caused a general admiration in the party i rather thought that was struck by his not being proud and of us well twenty seven said mr mournfully admiring him how do you find yourself to day lam very sir replied you are always so twenty seven said mr here another gentleman asked with extreme anxiety are you quite comfortable yes i thank you sir said looking in that direction ear more comfortable here than ever i was outside i see my follies now sir that s makes me comfortable several gentlemen were much affected and a third forcing himself to the front inquired with extreme feeling how do vou find the beef thank you sir replied glancing in the new direction of this voice it was yesterday than i could wish but it s my duty to bear i have committed follies gentlemen said looking round with a meek smile and i ought to bear the consequences without a murmur partly of gratification at twenty seven s celestial state of mind and partly of indignation against the who had given him any cause of complaint a note of which was immediately made by mr having subsided twenty seven stood in the midst of us as if he felt himself the principal object of merit in a highly museum that we the might have an excess of light shining upon us all at once orders were given to let out twenty eight i had been so much astonished already that i only felt a kind of resigned wonder when mr walked forth reading a good book the personal history and experience twenty eight said a gentleman in spectacles who had not yet spoken you complained last week my good fellow of the how has it been since i thank you sir said mr it has been better made if i might take the liberty of saying so sir i don t think the milk which is boiled with it is quite genuine but i am aware sir that there is great of milk in london and that the article in a pure state is difficult to be obtained it appeared to me that the gentleman in spectacles backed his twenty eight against mr s twenty seven for each of them took his own man in hand what is your state of mind twenty eight said the in spectacles i thank you sir returned mr i see my follies now sir i am a good deal troubled when i think of the sins of my former companions sir but i trust they may find forgiveness you are quite happy yourself said the nodding encouragement i am much obliged to you sir returned mr perfectly so is there anything at all on your mind now said the if so mention it twenty eight sir said mr without looking up if my eyes have not deceived me there is a gentleman present who was acquainted with me in my former life it may be profitable to that gentleman to know sir that i attribute my past follies entirely to having lived a thoughtless life in the service of young men and to having allowed myself to be led by them into weaknesses which i had not the strength to resist i hope that gentleman will take warning sir and will not be offended at my freedom it is for his good i am conscious of my own past follies i hope he may repent of all the wickedness and sin to which he has been a party i observed that several gentlemen were their eyes each with one hand as if they had just come into church this does you credit twenty eight returned the i should have expected it of you is there anything else sir returned mr slightly lifting up his eyebrows but not his eyes there was a young woman who fell into courses that i endeavoured to save sir but could not rescue i beg that gentleman if he has it in his power to inform that young woman from me that i forgive her her bad conduct towards myself and that i call her to repentance if he will be so good i have no doubt twenty eight returned the that the gentleman you refer to feels very strongly as we all must what you have so properly said we will not detain you i thank you sir said mr gentlemen i wish you a good day and hoping you and your families will also see your wickedness and with this number twenty eight retired after a glance between him and as if they were not altogether unknown to each other through of david some medium of communication and a murmur went round the group as his door shut upon him that he was a most respectable man and a beautiful case now twenty seven said mr entering on a clear stage with ms man is there anything that any one can do for you if so mention it i would ask sir returned with a jerk of his head for leave to write again to mother it shall certainly be granted | 8 |
said mr thank you sir i am anxious about mother i am afraid she ain t safe somebody asked what from but there was a whisper of hush safe sir returned in the direction of the voice i should wish mother to be got into my state i never should have been got into my present state if i hadn t come here i wish mother had come here it would be better for everybody if they got took up and was brought here this sentiment gave unbounded satisfaction greater satisfaction i think than anything that had passed yet before i come here said stealing a look at us as if he would have the outer world to which we belonged if he could i was given to follies but now i am sensible of my follies there s a deal of sin outside there s a deal of sin in mother there s nothing but sin everywhere except here you are quite changed said mr oh dear yes sir cried this hopeful penitent you wouldn t if you were going out asked somebody else oh de ar no sir well said mr this is very gratifying you have addressed mr twenty seven do you wish to say anything further to him you knew me a long time before i came here and was changed mr said looking at me and a more look i never saw even on his you knew me when in spite of my follies i was among them that was proud and meek among them that was violent you was violent to me yourself mr once you struck me a blow in the face you know general several indignant glances directed at me but i forgive you mr said making his nature the subject of a most and awful parallel which i shall not record i forgive everybody it would ill become me to bear malice i freely forgive you and i hope you your passions in future i hope mr w will repent and miss w and all of that sinful lot you ve been visited with affliction and i hope it may do you good but you d better have come here mr w had better have come here and miss w too the best wish i could give you mr and give all of you gentlemen is that you could be took up and brought here when i think of my past follies and my present state i am sure it would be best for you i pity all who ain t brought here the personal history and experience he back into his cell amidst a little chorus of approbation and both and i experienced a great relief when he was locked in it was a characteristic feature in this repentance that i was fain to ask what these two men had done to be there at all that appeared to be the last thing about which they had anything to say i addressed myself to one of the two who i suspected from certain latent indications in their faces knew pretty well what all this stir was worth do you know said i as we walked along the passage what was number twenty seven s last folly the answer was that it was a bank case a fraud on the bank of england i asked yes sir fraud and conspiracy he and some others he set the others on it was a deep plot for a large sum sentence for life twenty seven was the bird of the lot and had very nearly kept himself safe but not quite the bank was just able to put salt upon his tail and only just do you know twenty eight s offence twenty eight returned my speaking throughout in a low tone and looking over his shoulder as we walked along the passage to guard himself from being overheard in such an reference to these by and the rest twenty eight also got a place and robbed a young master of a matter of two hundred and fifty pounds in money and the night before they were going abroad i particularly recollect his case from his being took by a dwarf a what a little woman i have forgot her name not that s it he had pursuit and was going to america in a wig and whiskers and such a complete disguise as never you see in all your born days when the little woman being in met him walking along the street picked him out with her sharp eye in a moment ran his legs to upset him and held on to him like grim death excellent miss cried i you d have said so if you had seen her standing on a chair in the witness box at his trial as i did said my friend he cut her face right open and her in the most brutal manner when she took him but she never her hold till he was locked up she held so tight to him in fact that the officers were obliged to take em both together she gave her evidence in the way and was highly by the bench and cheered right home to her lodgings she said in court that she d have took him single handed on account of what she knew concerning him if he had been and it s my belief she would it was mine too and i highly respected miss for it we had now seen all there was to see it would have been in vain to represent to such a man as the mr that twenty seven and twenty eight were perfectly consistent and unchanged that exactly what they were then they had always been that the were just the subjects to make that sort of profession in such a of david place that they knew its market value at | 8 |
least as well as we did in the immediate service it would do them when they were in a word that it was a rotten hollow painfully suggestive piece of business altogether we left them to their system and themselves and went home wondering perhaps it s a good thing said i to have an ridden hard for it s the sooner ridden to death i hope so replied chapter a light shines on my way the year came round to christmas time and i had been at home above two months i had seen frequently however loud the general voice might be in giving me encouragement and however fervent the emotions and to which it roused me i heard her word of praise as i heard nothing else at least once a week and sometimes oftener i rode over there and passed the evening i usually rode back at night for the old unhappy sense was always hovering about me now most sorrowfully when i left her and i was glad to be up and out rather than wandering over the past in weary or miserable dreams i wore away the longest part of many wild sad nights in those rides as i went the thoughts that had occupied me in my long absence or if i were to say rather that i listened to the echoes of those thoughts i should better express the truth they spoke to me from afar off i had put them at a distance and accepted my inevitable place when i read to what i wrote when i saw her listening face moved her to smiles or tears and heard her cordial voice so earnest on the shadowy events of that imaginative world in which i lived i thought what a fate mine might have been but only thought so as i had thought after i was married to what i could have wished my wife to be my duty to who loved me with a love which if i i wronged most and poorly and could never restore my assurance that i who had worked out my own destiny and won what i had set my heart on had no right to murmur and must bear what i felt and what i had learned but i loved her and now it even became some consolation to me vaguely to conceive a distant day when i might it when all this should be over when i could say so it was when i came home and now i am old and i never have loved since she did not once show me any change in herself what she always had been to me she still was wholly between my aunt and me there had been something in this since the night of my return which i cannot call a restraint or an of the subject so much as an implied understanding that we thought of it r r the personal history and experience together but did not shape our thoughts into words when according to our old custom we sat before the fire at night we often fell into this train as naturally and as to each other as if we had said so but we preserved an unbroken silence i believed that she had read or partly read my thoughts that night and that she fully comprehended why i gave mine no more distinct expression this christmas time being come and having no new confidence in me a doubt that had several times arisen in my mind whether she could have that perception of the true state of my breast which restrained her with the apprehension of giving me pain began to me heavily if that were so my sacrifice was nothing my obligation to her and every poor action i had shrunk from i was doing i resolved to set this right beyond all doubt if such a barrier were between us to break it down at once with a determined hand it was what lasting reason have i to remember it a cold harsh winter day there had been snow some hours before and it lay not deep but hard frozen on the ground out at sea beyond my window the wind blew from the north i had been thinking of it sweeping over those mountain of snow in then inaccessible to any human foot and had been which was the those solitary regions or a deserted ocean to day trot said my aunt putting her head in at the door yes said i i am going over to it s a good day for a ride i hope your horse may think so too said my aunt but at present he is holding down his head and his ears standing before the door there as if he thought his stable my aunt i may observe allowed my horse on the forbidden ground but had not at all toward the he will be fresh enough presently said i the ride will do his master good at all events observed my aunt glancing at the papers on my table ah child you pass a good many hours here i never thought when i used to read books what work it was to write them it s work enough to read them sometimes i returned as to the writing it has its own charms aunt ah i see said my aunt ambition love of approbation sympathy and much more i suppose well go along with you i o you know anything more said i standing before her she had patted me on the shoulder and sat down in my chair of that attachment of she looked up in my face a little while before replying i think i do trot are you confirmed in your impression i inquired i think i am trot she looked so at me with a kind of doubt | 8 |
counsel they have come to me if i have sometimes been unhappy the feeling has passed away if i have ever had a burden on my heart it has been lightened for me if i have any secret it is no new one and is not what you suppose i cannot reveal it or divide it it has long been mine and must remain mine stay a moment she was going away but i detained her i clasped my arm about her waist in the course of years it is not a new one thoughts and hopes were whirling through my mind and all the colors of my life were changing dearest whom i so respect and honor whom i so love when i came here to day i thought that nothing could have this confession from me i thought i could have kept it in my bosom all our lives till we were old but if i have indeed any new born hope that i may ever call you something more than sister widely different from sister david her tears fell fast but they were not like those she had lately shed and i saw my hope in them ever my guide and best support if you had been more of yourself and less of me when we grew up here together i think my heedless fancy never would have wandered from you but you were so much better than i so necessary to me in every boyish hope and disappointment that to have you to confide in and rely upon in everything became a second nature for the time the first and greater one of loving you as i do still weeping but not sadly joyfully and clasped in my arms as she had never been as i had thought she never was to be when i loved fondly as you know yes she cried earnestly i am glad to know it i when i loved her even then my love would have been without your sympathy i had it and it was and when i lost her what should i have been without you still closer in my arms nearer to ray heart her trembling hand upon my shoulder her sweet eyes shining through her tears on mine i went away dear loving you i stayed away loving you i returned home loving you and now i tried to tell her of the struggle i had had and the conclusion i had come to i tried to lay my mind before her truly and entirely i tried to show her how i had hoped i had come into the better knowledge of myself and of her how i had resigned myself to what that better knowledge brought and how i had come there even that day in my fidelity to this if she did so love me i said that she could take me for her husband she could do so on no deserving of mine except upon the truth of my love for her and the trouble in which it had to be what it was and hence it was that i revealed it and even out of thy true eyes in that same time the spirit of my child wife looked upon me saying it was well and winning me through thee to tenderest recollections of the blossom that had withered in its bloom i am so my heart is so but there is one thing i must say dearest what she laid her gentle hands upon my shoulders and looked calmly in my face do you know yet what it is i am afraid to on what it is tell me my dear i have loved you all my life we were happy we were happy our tears were not for the trials hers so much the greater through which we had come to be thus but for the rapture of being thus never to be divided more we walked that winter evening in the fields together and the blessed calm within us seemed to be by the frosty air the early stars began to shine while we were lingering on and looking up to them we thanked our god for having guided us to this tranquillity we stood together in the same old fashioned window at night when the personal history and experience the moon was shining j with her quiet eyes raised up to it i following her glance long miles of road then opened out before my mind and toiling on i saw a ragged way worn boy forsaken and neglected who should come to call even the heart now beating against mine his own it was nearly dinner time next day when we appeared before my aunt she was up in my study said which it was her pride to keep in readiness and order for me we found her in her spectacles sitting by the fire goodness me said my aunt peering through the dusk who s this you re bringing home said i as we had arranged to say nothing at first my aunt was not a little she darted a hopeful glance at me when i said but seeing that i looked as usual she took off her spectacles in despair and rubbed her nose with them she greeted heartily nevertheless and we were soon in the lighted parlor down stairs at dinner my aunt put on her spectacles twice or thrice to take another look at me but as often took them off again disappointed and rubbed her nose with them much to the discomfiture of mr dick who knew this to be a bad symptom by the by aunt said i after dinner i have been speaking to about what you told me then trot said my aunt turning scarlet you did wrong and broke your promise you are not angry aunt i trust i am | 8 |
sure you won t be when you learn that is not unhappy in any attachment stuff and nonsense said my aunt as my aunt appeared to be annoyed i thought the best way was to cut her annoyance short i took in my arm to the back of her chair and we both leaned over her my aunt with one clap of her hands and one look through her spectacles immediately went into for the first and only time in all my knowledge of her the called up the moment my aunt was restored she flew at and calling her a silly old creature her with all her might after that she mr dick who was highly honored but a good deal surprised and after that told them why then we were all happy together i could not discover whether my aunt in her last short conversation with me had fallen on a pious fraud or had really mistaken the state of my mind it was quite enough she said that she had told me was going to be married and that i now knew better than any one how true it was we were married within a fortnight and and doctor and mrs strong were the only guests at our quiet wedding we left them full of joy and drove away together clasped in my embrace i held the source of every worthy i had ever had the centre of myself the circle of my life my own my wife my love of whom was founded on a rock of david dearest husband said now that i may call you by that name i have one thing more to tell you let me hear it love it grows out of the night when died she sent you for me she did she told me that she left me something can you think what it was i believed i could i drew the wife who had so long loved me closer to my side she told me that she made a last request to me and left me a last charge and it was that only i would occupy this vacant place and laid her head upon my breast and wept and i wept with her though we were so happy chapter a what i have to record is nearly finished but there is yet an incident conspicuous in my memory on which it often rests with delight and without which one thread in the web i have spun would have a end i had advanced in fame and fortune my domestic joy was perfect i had been married ten happy years and i were sitting by the fire in our house in london one night in spring and three of our children were playing in the room when i was told that a stranger wished to see me he had been asked if he came on business and had answered no he had come for the pleasure of seeing me and had come a long way he was an old man my servant said and looked like a farmer as this sounded mysterious to the children and moreover was like the beginning of a favorite story used to tell them to the arrival of a wicked old fairy in a cloak who hated every body it produced some commotion one of our boys laid his head in his mother s lap to be out of harm s way and little our eldest child left her doll in a chair to represent her and thrust out her little heap of golden curls from between the window curtains to see what happened next let him come in here said i there soon appeared pausing in the dark doorway as he entered a hale grey haired old man little attracted by his looks had run to bring him in and i had not yet clearly seen his face when my wife starting up cried out to me in a pleased and agitated voice that it was mr the personal history and experience it was mr an old man now but in a ruddy hearty strong old age when our first emotion was over and he sat before the fire with the children on his knees and the blaze shining on his face he looked to me as vigorous and robust withal as handsome an old man as ever i had seen r said he and the old name in the old tone fell so naturally on my ear r tis a joyful hour as i see you once more long with your own wife a joyful hour indeed old friend cried i and these pretty ones said mr to look at these flowers why r you was but the of the of these when i first see you ly warn t no bigger and our poor lad were but a lad time has changed me more than it has changed you since then said i but let these dear go to bed and as no house in england but this must hold you tell me where to send for your luggage is the old black bag among it that went so far i wonder and then over a glass of we will have the tidings of ten years are you alone asked yes ma am he said kissing her hand quite alone we sat him between us not knowing how to give him welcome enough and as i began to listen to his old familiar voice i could have fancied he was still pursuing his long journey in search of his darling niece it s a of water said mr fur to come across and on y stay a matter of weeks but water specially when tis salt comes to me and friends is dear and i am which is verse said mr surprised to find it out though i hadn t such intentions are you going back those many thousand | 8 |
miles so soon asked yes ma am he returned i the promise to em ly afore i come away you see i t grow younger as the years comes round and if i hadn t sailed as twas most like i shouldn t never have done t and it s been on my mind as i must come and see r and your own sweet blooming self in your wedded happiness afore i got to be too old he looked at us as if he could never feast his eyes on us sufficiently put back some scattered locks of his grey hair that he might see us better and now tell us said i everything relating to your fortunes our r he rejoined is soon told we haven t but to we ve we ve worked as we ought to t and maybe we lived a hard at first or so but we have what with sheep farming and what with and what with one thing and what with t other we are as well to do as well could be s been a blessing fell upon us said mr his head and we ve done but prosper that is in the long run if not yesterday why then to day if not to day why then to of david field and said and t both together em ly said he you left her ma am and t never her saying of her prayers at night t other side the canvas screen when we was settled in the bush but what i your name and she and me lost sight of r that shining was that low at first that if she had know d then what r from us so kind and tis my opinion she d have drooped away but was some poor folks aboard as had illness among em and she took care of them and was the children in our company and she took care of them and so she got to be busy and to be doing good and that helped her when did she first hear of it i asked i it from her i on t said mr going on nigh a year we was living then in a solitary place but among the trees and with the roses a covering our to come along one day when i was out a working on the land a traveller from our own or in england i t rightly mind which and of course we took him in and him to eat and drink and made him welcome we all do that all the colony over he d got an old newspaper with him and some other account in print of the storm that s how she know d it when i come home at night i found she know d it he dropped his voice as he said these words and the gravity i so well remembered his face did it change her much we asked aye for a good long time he said shaking his head if not to this present hour but i think the done her good and she had a deal to mind in the way of poultry and the like and minded of it and come through i wonder he said thoughtfully if you could see my em ly now r whether you d know her is she so altered i inquired i t know i see her ev ry day and t know but i have so a slight figure said mr looking at the fire worn soft sorrowful blue eyes a delicate face a head leaning a little down a quiet voice and way timid a most that s em ly we silently observed him as he sat still looking at the fire some thinks he said as her affection was ill bestowed some as her marriage was broke off by death no one knows how tis she might have married well a of times but uncle she says to me that s gone for ever cheerful along with me retired when others is by fond of going any distance fur to teach a child or fur to tend a sick person or fur to do some kindness tow a young girl s wedding and she s done a many but has never seen one fondly loving of her uncle patient liked by young and old out by all that has any trouble that s em ly he drew his hand across his face and with a half suppressed sigh looked up from the fire is with you yet i asked he replied got married r in the second year the personal history and experience a young man a farm as come by us on ms way to market with his r s a journey of over five hundred mile and back made offers fur to take her fur his wife wives is very scarce and then to set up fur their two selves in the bush she spoke to me fur to tell him her story i did they was married and they live hundred mile away from any voices but their own and the singing birds mrs i suggested it was a pleasant key to touch for mr suddenly burst into a roar of laughter and rubbed his hands up and down his legs as he had been accustomed to do when he enjoyed himself in the long boat would you believe it he said why even made offers fur to marry if a ship s cook that was turning r didn t make offers fur to marry i m and i can t say no fairer than that i never saw laugh so this sudden on the part of mr was so delightful to her that she could not leave off laughing and the more she laughed the more she made me laugh and the greater mr | 8 |
s became and the more he rubbed his legs and what did mrs say i asked when i was grave enough if you believe me returned mr stead of saying thank you i m much to you i ain t a going fur to change my condition at my time of life up d with a bucket as was standing by and laid it over that ship s cook s head till he sung out for help and i went in and resided of him mr burst into a great roar of laughter and and i both kept him company but i must say this for the good he resumed wiping his face when we were quite exhausted she has been all she said she d be to us and more she s the the the woman r as ever draw d the breath of life i have never know d her to be lone and for a single minute not even when the colony was all afore us and we was new to it and thinking of the old un is a thing she never done i do assure you since she left england now last not least mr said i he has paid off every obligation he incurred here even to s bill you remember my dear and therefore we may take it for granted that he is doing well but what is the latest news of him mr with a smile put his hand in his breast pocket and produced a flat folded paper parcel from which he took out with much care a little odd looking newspaper you are to r said he as we have left the bush now being so well to do and have gone right away round to port harbor s what we call a town mr was in the bush near you said i bless you yes said mr and turned to with a will i never wish to meet a better gen for turning to with a will f ve seen that bald head of his a in the sun r david till i a most it would have melted away and now lie s a magistrate a magistrate eh said i mr pointed to a certain paragraph in the newspaper where i read aloud as follows from the port times the public dinner to our distinguished fellow and port district magistrate came off yesterday in the large room of the hotel which was crowded to it is estimated that not fewer than forty seven persons must have been with dinner at one time exclusive of the company in the passage and on the stairs the beauty fashion and of port to do honor to one so esteemed so highly and so widely popular doctor of house grammar school port presided and on his right sat the distinguished guest after the removal of the cloth and the singing of non beautifully executed and in which we were at no loss to distinguish the bell like notes of that gifted amateur es junior the usual loyal and patriotic were given and received doctor in a speech with feeling then proposed our distinguished guest the ornament of our town may he never leave us but to better himself and may his success among us be such as to render his himself impossible the cheering with which the toast was received description again and again it rose and fell like the waves of ocean at length all was hushed and presented himself to return thanks ear be it from us in the present comparatively imperfect state of the resources of our establishment to endeavour to follow our distinguished through the periods of his polished and highly address suffice it to observe that it was a of eloquence and that those passages in which he more particularly traced his own successful career to its source and warned the younger portion of his from the of ever pecuniary which they were unable to brought a tear into the eye present the remaining were doctor mrs who gracefully bowed her from the side door where a of beauty was elevated on chairs at once to witness and adorn the gratifying scene mrs late miss mrs junior who the assembly by remarking that he found himself unable to return thanks in a speech but would do so with their permission in a song mrs s it is needless to remark in the mother country c c c at the conclusion of the proceedings the tables were cleared as if by for dancing among the of who themselves until gave warning for departure r ber junior and the lovely and accomplished miss fourth daughter of doctor were particularly remarkable i was looking back to the name of doctor pleased to have the personal history and experience discovered in these happier circumstances mr formerly poor pinched to my magistrate when mr pointing to another part of the paper my eyes rested on my own name and i read thus to david the eminent author my dear sir years have elapsed since i had an opportunity of the now familiar to the of a considerable portion of the world but my dear sir though by the force of circumstances over which i have had no from the personal society of the friend and companion of my youth i have not been of his soaring flight nor have i been though seas between us ha roared burns from in the intellectual he has spread before us i cannot therefore allow of the departure from this place of an individual whom we respect and esteem without my dear sir taking this public opportunity of thanking you on my own behalf and i may undertake to add on that of the whole of the inhabitants of port for the gratification of which you are the agent go on my dear sir you are not unknown here you are not though remote | 8 |
rattling of vicious drums a fact to be strongly smelt and tasted lay in the sun one day in that day there was a prison in one of its chambers so repulsive a place that even the stare at it and left it to such refuse of reflected light as it could find for itself were two men besides the two men a arid bench from the wall with a draught board rudely upon it with a knife a set of draughts made of old buttons and soup bones a set of two and two or three wine bottles that was all the chamber held exclusive of rats and other unseen in addition to the seen the two men it received such light as it got through a grating of iron bars fashioned like a pretty large window by means of which it could be always from the gloomy staircase on which the grating gave there was a broad strong ledge of stone to this grating where the bottom of it was let into the three or four feet above the ground upon it one of the two men half sitting and half lying with his knees drawn up and his feet and shoulders planted against the opposite sides of the the bars were wide enough apart to admit of his thrusting his arm through to the elbow and so he held on for his greater ease a prison taint was on every thing there the imprisoned air the imprisoned light the imprisoned the imprisoned men were all by confinement as the captive men were faded and haggard so the iron was rusty the stone was the wood was rotten the air was faint the light was dim like a well like a vault like a tomb the prison had no knowledge of the brightness outside and would have kept its atmosphere in one of the islands of the indian ocean the man who lay on the ledge of the grating was even chilled he jerked hi great cloak more heavily upon him by an impatient move little ment of one shoulder and growled to the devil with this of a sun that never shines in here he was waiting to be fed looking sideways through the bars that he might see the further down the stairs with much of the expression of a wild beast in similar expectation but his eyes too close together were not so nobly set in his head as those of the king of beasts are in his and they were sharp rather than bright pointed weapons with little surface to betray them they had no depth or change they glittered and they opened and shut so far and their use to himself a could have made a better pair he had a hook nose handsome after its kind but too high between the eyes by probably just as much as his eyes were too near to one another for the rest he was large and tall in frame had thin lips where his thick moustache showed them at all and a quantity of dry of no color in its shaggy state but shot with red the hand with which he held the grating all over the back with ugly newly healed was unusually small and plump have been unusually white but for the prison the other man was lying on the stone floor covered with a coarse brown coat get up pig growled the first don t sleep when i am hungry it s all one master said the pig in a manner and not without cheerfulness i can wake when i will i can sleep when i will it s all the same as he said it he rose shook himself scratched himself tied his brown coat loosely round his neck by the sleeves he had previously used it as a and sat down upon the pavement yawning with his back against the wall opposite to the grating say what the hour is grumbled the first man the mid day bells ring in forty minutes when he made the little pause he had looked round the prison room as if for certain information you are a clock how is it that you always know how can i say i always know what the hour is and where i am i was brought in here at night and out of a boat but i know where i am see here harbor on his knees on the pavement it all out with a forefinger j where the are spain over there over there creeping away to the left here nice round by the to and harbor ground city there terrace gardens blushing with the here stand out for out again for so away to hey there s no room for he had got to the wall by this time but it s all one it s in there he remained on his knees looking up at his fellow prisoner with a lively look for a prison a quick little man though rather ear rings in his brown ears white teeth lighting up his grotesque brown face intensely black hair about his brown throat a ragged red shirt open at his brown breast loose trousers decent shoes a long red cap a red round his waist and a knife in it judge if i come back from as i went see here my b little master off which is in there you and me the apartment of the and his keys is where i put this thumb and here at my wrist keep the national in its case the locked up the other man suddenly on the pavement and in his throat some lock below in its throat immediately afterwards and then a door slow steps began ascending the stairs the of a sweet little voice mingled with the noise they made and the prison keeper appeared carrying his daughter three or four years | 8 |
old and a basket how goes the world this gentlemen my little one you see going round with me to have a peep at her father s birds then look at the birds my pretty look at the birds he looked sharply at the birds himself as he held the child up at the grate especially at the little bird whose activity he seemed to i have brought your bread john said he they all spoke in french but the little man was an italian and if i might recommend you not to game you don t recommend the master said john showing his teeth as he smiled oh but the master wins returned the with a passing look of no particular liking at the other man and you lose it s quite another thing you get bread and sour drink by it and he gets of in white bread cheese and good wine by it look at the birds my pretty poor birds said the child the fair little face touched with divine compassion as it peeped through the grate was like an angel s in the prison john rose and moved towards it as if it had a good attraction for him the other bird remained as before except for an impatient glance at the basket stay said the putting his little daughter on the outer ledge of the grate she shall feed the birds this big loaf is for john we must break it to get it through into the cage so there s a tame bird to kiss the little hand this in a vine leaf is for again this in is for again these three white little are for again this cheese again this wine again this tobacco all for lucky bird the child put all these things between the bars into the soft smooth well shaped hand with evident dread more than once drawing back her own and looking at the man with her fair brow into an expression half of fright and half of anger whereas she had put the lump of coarse bread into the knotted hands of john who had scarcely as much nail on his eight fingers and two as would have made out one for with ready confidence and when he kissed her hand had herself passed it over his face indifferent to this distinction the father by laughing and nodding at the daughter as often as she gave him anything and so soon as he had all his little about him in convenient of the ledge on which he rested began to eat an appetite when laughed a change took place in his face that was more remarkable than his moustache went up under his nose and his nose came down over his moustache in a very sinister and cruel manner there said the turning his basket down to beat the out i have expended all the money i received here is the note of it and that s a thing accomplished as i expected yesterday the president will look for the pleasure of your society at an hour after mid day to day to try me eh said pausing knife in hand and morsel in mouth you have said it to try you there is no news for me asked john who had begun to his bread the shrugged his shoulders lady of mine am i to lie here all my life my father what do i know cried the turning upon him with southern quickness and with both his hands and all his fingers as if he were threatening to tear him to pieces my friend how is it possible for me to tell how long you are to lie here what do i know john death of my life there are prisoners here sometimes who are not in such a devil of a hurry to be tried he seemed to glance at in this remark but had already resumed his meal though not with quite so quick an appetite as before adieu my birds said the keeper of the prison taking his pretty child in his arms and the words with a kiss adieu my birds the pretty child repeated her innocent face looked back so brightly over his shoulder as he walked away with her singing her the song of the child s game who passes by this road so late de la who passes by this road so late always gay that john felt it a point of honor to reply at the grate and in good time and tune though a little hoarsely of all the king s knights tis the flower de la of all the king s knights tis the flower always gay which accompanied them so far down the few steep stairs that the prison keeper had to stop at last for his little daughter to hear the song out and repeat the refrain while they were yet in sight then the child s head disappeared and the prison keeper s head disappeared but the little voice prolonged the strain until the door finding the listening john in his way before the echoes had ceased even the echoes were the weaker for imprisonment and seemed to reminded him with a push of his foot that he little d r ut had better resume his own darker place the little man sat down again upon the pavement with the ease of one who was thoroughly accustomed to and placing three of coarse bread before himself and falling to upon a fourth began to work his way through them as if to clear them off were a sort of game perhaps he glanced at the and perhaps he glanced at the in but they were not there long to make his mouth water soon them in spite of the president and and proceeded to his fingers as clean as he could and to wipe | 8 |
them on his vine leaves then as he paused in his drink to contemplate his fellow prisoner his moustache went up and his nose came down how do you find the bread a little dry but i have my old here returned john holding up his knife how i can cut my bread so like a or so like an or so like a fish or so like said john the various cuts on the bread he held and what he had in his mouth here cried you may drink you may finish this it was no great gift for there was mighty little wine left but jumping to his feet received the bottle gratefully turned it down at his mouth and his lips put the bottle by with the rest said the little man obeyed his orders and stood ready to give him a lighted match for he was now rolling his tobacco into by the aid of little squares of paper which had been brought in with it her e you may have one a thousand thanks my master john said it in his own language and with the quick manner of his own countrymen arose lighted a put the rest of ins stock into a breast pocket and stretched himself out at full length upon the bench sat down on the pavement holding one of his in each hand and smoking peacefully there seemed to be some uncomfortable attraction of s eyes to the immediate neighbourhood of that part of the pavement where the thumb had been in the plan they were so drawn in that direction that the italian more than once followed them to and back from the pavement in some surprise what an infernal hole this is said breaking a long pause look at the light of day day the light of yesterday week the light of six months ago the light of six years ago so slack and dead it came down a square that blinded a window in the staircase wall through which the sky was never seen nor anything else said suddenly withdrawing his gaze from this to which they had both involuntarily turned their eyes you know me for a gentleman surely surely how long have we been here little i eleven weeks to morrow night at midnight you nine weeks and three days at five this afternoon have i ever done anything here ever touched the or spread the or rolled them up or found the draughts or collected the or put my hand to any kind of work never have you ever thought of looking to me to do any kind of work john answered with that peculiar back handed shake of the right forefinger which is the most expressive negative in the italian language no you knew from the first moment when you saw me here that i was a gentleman returned john closing his eyes and giving his head a most vehement toss the word being according to its emphasis a confirmation a contradiction an assertion a denial a a compliment a joke and fifty other things became in the present instance with a significance beyond all power of written expression our familiar english i believe you you are right a gentleman i am and a gentleman i ll live and a gentleman i ll die it s my intent to be a gentleman it s my game death of my soul i play it out wherever i go he changed his posture to a sitting one crying with a triumphant air here i am see me shaken out of destiny s box into the company of a mere shut up with a poor little whose papers are wrong and whom the police lay hold of besides for placing his boat as a means of getting beyond the frontier at the disposition of other little people whose papers arc wrong and he instinctively my position even by this light and in this place it s well done by heaven i win however the game goes again his moustache went up and his nose came down what s the hour now he asked with a dry hot upon him rather difficult of association with merriment a little half hour after mid day good the president will have a gentleman before him soon come shall i tell you on what accusation it must be now or never for i shall not return here either i shall go free or i shall go to be made ready for you know where they keep the took his from between his parted lips and showed more momentary discomfiture than might have been expected i am a stood up to say it i am a gentleman i own no particular country my father was de my mother was french by blood english by birth i myself was born in i am a citizen of the world his theatrical air as he stood with one arm on his hip within the folds of his cloak together with his manner of his companion and addressing the opposite wall instead seemed to intimate that he was for the president whose examination he was shortly to undergo rather than troubling himself merely to so small a person as john i call me and thirty years of age i have seen the world i have lived here and lived there and lived like a gentleman everywhere i have little been treated and respected as a gentleman universally if you try to prejudice me by making out that i have lived by my wits how do your lawyers live your your your men of the exchange he kept his small smooth hand in constant as if it were a witness to his that had often done him good service before two years ago i came to i admit that i was poor i had been | 8 |
ill when your lawyers your your your men of the exchange fall ill and have not scraped money together they become poor i put up at the cross of gold kept then by sixty five at least and in a failing state of health i had lived in the house some four months when had the misfortune to die at any rate not a rare misfortune that it happens without any aid of mine pretty often john having smoked his down to his fingers ends had the to throw him another he lighted the second at the ashes of the first and smoked on looking sideways at his companion who occupied with his own case hardly looked at him left a widow she was two and twenty she had gained a reputation for beauty and which is often another thing was beautiful i continued to live at the cross of gold i married madame it is not for me to say whether there was any great in such a match here i stand with the of a jail upon me but it is possible that you may think me better suited to her than her former husband was he had a certain air of being a handsome man which he was not and a certain air of being a well bred man which he was not it was mere and challenge but in this particular as in many others assertion goes for proof half over the world be it as it may madame approved of me that is not to prejudice me i hope his eye happening to light upon john with this inquiry that little man briskly shook his head in the negative and repeated in an tone under his breath an infinite number of times now came the difficulties of our position lam proud i say nothing in defence of pride but i am proud it is also my character to govern i can t submit i must govern unfortunately the property of madame was settled upon herself such was the insane act of her late husband more unfortunately still she had relations when a wife s relations against a husband who is a gentleman who is proud and who must govern the consequences are to peace there was yet another source of difference between us madame was unfortunately a little vulgar i sought to improve her manners and her general tone she supported in this likewise by her relations resented my quarrels began to arise between us and and exaggerated by the of the relations of madame to become notorious to the neighbours it has been said that i treated madame with cruelty i may have been seen to slap her face nothing more i have a light hand and if i have been seen apparently to correct madame in that manner i have done it almost little if the of were at all expressed by his smile at this point the relations of madame might have said that they would have much preferred his that unfortunate woman seriously lam sensitive and brave i do not advance it as a merit to be sensitive and brave but it is my character if the male relations of madame had put themselves forward openly i should have known how to deal with them they knew that and their were conducted in secret consequently madame and i were brought into frequent and unfortunate collision even when i wanted any little sum of money for my personal expenses i could not obtain it without collision and i too a man whose character it is to govern one night madame and myself were walking i may say like lovers on a height overhanging the sea an evil star occasioned madame to to her relations i reasoned with her on that subject and remonstrated on the want of duty and devotion manifested in her allowing herself to be influenced by their jealous towards her husband madame retorted i retorted madame grew warm i grew warm and provoked her i admit it frankness is a part of my character at length madame in an access of fury that i must ever threw herself upon me with screams of passion no doubt those that were overheard at some distance tore my clothes tore my hair my hands trampled and trod the dust and finally leaped over dashing herself to death upon the rocks below such is the train of incidents which malice has into my endeavouring to force from madame a of her rights and on her in a refusal to make the concession i required struggling with her her he stepped aside to the ledge where the vine leaves yet lay strewn about collected two or three and stood wiping his hands upon them with his back to the light well he demanded after a silence have you nothing to say to all that it s ugly returned the little man who had risen and was brightening his knife upon his shoe as he leaned an arm against the wall what do you mean john polished his knife in silence do you mean that i have not represented the case correctly al returned john the word was an apology now and stood for oh by no means what then and are so prejudiced well cried the other uneasily flinging the end of his cloak over his shoulder with an oath let them do their worst truly i think they will murmured john to himself as he bent his head to put his knife in his nothing more was said on side though they both began walking to and fro and necessarily crossed at every turn sometimes half stopped as if he were going to put his case in a new light or make some remonstrance but continuing to go slowly to and fro at a grotesque kind of trot pace with his eyes | 8 |
turned downward nothing came of these little bye and bye the noise of the key in the lock arrested them both the sound of voices succeeded and the tread of feet the door the voices and the feet came on and the prison keeper slowly ascended the stairs followed by a guard of soldiers now said he pausing for a moment at the grate with his keys in his hand have the goodness to come out i am to depart in state i see why unless you did returned the you might depart in so many pieces that it would be difficult to get you together again there s a crowd and it doesn t love you he passed on out of sight and unlocked and a low door in the corner of the chamber now said he as he opened it and appeared within come out there is no sort of whiteness in all the hues under the sun at all like the whiteness of s face as it was then neither is there any expression of the human countenance at all like that expression in every little line of which the frightened heart is seen to beat are compared with death but the difference is the whole deep gulf between the struggle done and the fight at its most desperate extremity he lighted another of his paper cigars at his companion s put it tightly between his teeth covered his head with a soft hat threw the end of his cloak over his shoulder again and walked out into the side gallery on which the door opened without taking any further notice of as to that little man himself his whole attention had become absorbed in getting near the door and looking out at it precisely as a beast might approach the opened gate of his den and eye the freedom beyond he passed those few moments in watching and peering until the door was closed upon him there was an officer in command of the soldiers a stout serviceable profoundly calm man with his drawn sword in his hand smoking a cigar he very briefly directed the placing of in the midst of the party put himself with indifference at their head gave the word march and so they all went down the staircase the door the key turned and a ray of unusual light and a breath of unusual air seemed to have passed through the jail vanishing in a tiny wreath of smoke from the cigar still in his like a lower animal like some impatient or roused bear of the smaller species the prisoner now left solitary had jumped upon the ledge to lose no glimpse of this departure as he yet stood clasping the grate with both hands an uproar broke upon his hearing shrieks oaths threats all comprehended in it though as in a storm nothing but a raging swell of sound distinctly heard excited into a still greater resemblance to a wild animal by his anxiety to know more the prisoner leaped down ran round the chamber leaped up again clasped the grate and tried to shake it leaped down and ran leaped up and listened and never rested until the noise becoming more and more distant had died away how many better prisoners have worn their noble hearts out so no man thinking of it not even the beloved of their souls it great kings and little who had made them captive in the sunlight and men cheering them on even the said great personages dying in bed making ends and sounding speeches and polite history more than their instruments them at last john now able to choose his own spot within the compass of those walls for the exercise of his faculty of going to sleep when he would lay down upon the bench with his face turned over on his crossed arms and in his submission in his lightness in his good humour in his short lived passion in his easy contentment with hard bread and hard stones in his ready sleep in his fits and starts altogether a true son of the land that gave him birth the wide stare stared itself out for one while the sun went down in a red green golden glory the stars came out in the heavens and the fire flies them in the lower air as men may feebly imitate the goodness of a better order of beings the long dusty roads and the interminable plains were in repose and so deep a hush was on the sea that it scarcely whispered of the time when it shall give up its dead chapter ii fellow travellers no more of yesterday s howling over to day sir is there i have heard none then you may be sure there is none when these people howl they howl to be heard most people do i suppose ah but these people are always howling never happy otherwise do you mean the people i mean the french people they re always at it as to we know what is it sent the most tune into the world that was ever composed it couldn t exist without and to something or other victory or death or or something the speaker with a good humour upon him all the time looked over the wall with the greatest of and taking up a determined position by putting his hands in his pockets and rattling his money at it it with a short laugh and indeed it would be more creditable to you i think to let other people and about their lawful business instead of shutting em up in tiresome enough said the other but we shall be out to day out to day repeated the first it s almost an of the that we shall be out to day out what have we ever been in for for no very | 8 |
strong reason i must say but as we come from the east and as the east is the country of the plague the plague repeated the other that s my grievance i have little had the plague continually ever since i have heen here i am like a sane man shut up in a i can t stand the suspicion of the thing i came here as well as ever i was in my life hut to suspect me of the plague is to give me the plague and i have had it and i have got it you hear it very well mr said the second speaker smiling no if you knew the real state of the case that s the last observation you would think of making i have heen waking up night after night and saying i have got it now it has developed itself now i am in for it now these fellows are making out their case for their precautions why i d as soon have a spit put through me and he stuck upon a card in a collection of as lead the life i have been leading here well mr say no more about it now it s over urged a cheerful feminine voice over repeated mr who appeared though without any ill nature to be in that peculiar state of mind in which the last word spoken by anybody else is a new injury over and why should i say no more about it because it s over it was mrs who had spoken to mr and mrs was like mr comely and healthy with a pleasant english face which had been looking at homely things for five and fifty years or more and shone with a bright reflection of them there never mind father never mind said mrs for goodness sake content yourself with pet with pet repeated mr in his injured vein pet however being close behind him touched him on the shoulder and mr immediately forgave from the bottom of his heart pet was about twenty a fair girl with rich brown hair hanging free in natural a lovely girl with a frank face and wonderful eyes so large so soft so bright set to such perfection in her kind good head she was round and fresh and and spoilt and there was in pet an air of timidity and dependence which was the best weakness in the world and gave her the only crowning charm a girl so pretty and pleasant could have been without now i ask you said mr in the confidence falling back a step himself and handing his daughter a step forward to illustrate his question i ask you simply as between man and man you know did you ever hear of such damned nonsense as putting pet in it has had the result of making even come said mr that s something to be sure i am obliged to you for that remark now pet my darling you had better go along with mother and get ready for the boat the officer of health and a variety of in cocked hats are coming off to let us out of this at last and all we jail birds are to breakfast together in to a christian style again before we take wing for our different stick you close to your young mistress little d t he spoke to a handsome girl with dark hair and eyes and very neatly dressed who replied with a half as she passed off in the train of mrs and pet they crossed the bare terrace all three together and disappeared through a staring white mr s companion a grave dark man of forty still stood looking towards this after they were gone until mr tapped him on the arm i beg your pardon said he starting at all said mr they took one silent turn backward and forward in the shade of the wall getting at the height on which the are placed what cool refreshment of sea breeze there was at seven in the morning s companion resumed the conversation may i ask you he said what is the name of mr struck in i have not the least idea i thought said the other suggested mr again thank you that was a name and i have several times wondered at the of it why the fact is said mr mrs and myself arc you see practical people that you have frequently mentioned in the course of the agreeable and interesting conversations we have had together walking up and down on these stones said the other with a half smile the gravity of his dark face practical people so one day live or six years ago now when we took pet to church at the you hare heard of the hospital in london similar to the institution for the found children in paris i have seen it well one day when we took pet to church there to hear the music because as practical people it is the business of our lives to show her everything that we think can please her mother my usual name for mrs began to cry so that it was necessary to take her out what s the matter mother said i when we had brought her a little round f you arc pet my dear yes i know that father says mother but i think it s through my loving her so much that it ever came into my head that ever what came into your head mother dear dear cried mother breaking out again when i saw all those children ranged tier above tier and appealing from the father none of them has ever known on earth to the great father of us all in heaven i thought any wretched mother ever come here and look among those young faces wondering which is | 8 |
the poor child she brought into this forlorn world never through all its life to know her love her kiss her face her voice even her name now that was practical in mother and i told her so i said mother that s what i call practical in you my dear the other not unmoved assented so i said next day now mother i have a proposition to make that i think you ll approve of let us take one of those same children little to be a little maid to pet we are practical people so if we should find her temper a little or any of her ways a little wide of ours we shall know what we have to take into account we shall know what an immense must be made from all the influences and experiences that have formed us no parents no child brother or sister no individuality of home no glass or fairy and that s the way we came by and the name itself by george said mr i was forgetting the name itself why she was called in the institution an arbitrary name of course now we changed into and then into because as practical people we thought even a playful name might be a new thing to her and might have a softening and affectionate kind of effect don t you see as to that i needn t say was wholly out of the question if there is anything that is not to be on any terms anything that is a type of jack in office insolence and absurdity anything that represents in coats and big sticks our english holding on by nonsense after every one has found it out it is a you haven t seen a lately as an englishman who has been more than twenty years in china no then said mr laying his forefinger on his companion s breast with great animation don t you see a now if you can help it whenever i see a in full fig coming down a street on a sunday at the head of a charity school i am obliged to turn and run away or i should hit him the name of being out of the question and the of the institution for these poor having been a blessed creature of the name of we gave that name to pet s little maid at one time she was and at one time she was until we got into a way of mixing the two names together and now she is always your daughter said the other when they had taken another silent turn to and fro and after standing for a moment at the wall glancing down at the sea had resumed their walk is your only child i know mr may i ask you in no impertinent curiosity but because i have had so much pleasure in your society may never in this of a world exchange a quiet word with you again and wish to preserve an accurate remembrance of you and yours may i ask you if i have not gathered from your good wife that you have had other children no no said mr not exactly other children one other child lam afraid i have touched upon a tender theme never mind said mr if i am grave about it i am not at all sorrowful it me for a moment but does not make me unhappy pet had a twin sister who died when we could just see her eyes exactly like pet s above the table as she stood on holding by it ah indeed indeed yes and being practical people a result has gradually sprung up in the minds of mrs and myself which perhaps you may or little perhaps you may not understand pet and her baby sister were so exactly alike and so completely one that in our thoughts we have never been able to separate them since it would be of no use to tell us that our dead child was a mere infant we have changed that child according to the changes in the child spared to us and always with us as pet has grown that child has grown as pet has become more sensible and womanly her sister has become more sensible and womanly by just the same degrees it would be as hard to convince me that if i was to pass into the other world to morrow i should not through the mercy of god be received there by a daughter just like pet as to persuade me that pet herself is not a reality at my side i understand you said the other gently as to her pursued her father the sudden loss of her little picture and and her early association with that mystery in which ave all have our equal share but which is not often so forcibly presented to a child has necessarily had some influence on her character then her mother and i were not young when we married and pet has always had a sort of grown up life with us though we have tried to ourselves to her we have been advised more than once when she has been a little to change climate and air for her as often as we could especially at about this time of her life and to keep her amused so as i have no need to stick at a bank desk now though i have been poor enough in my time i assure you or i should have married mrs long before we go trotting about the world this is how you found us staring at the and the and the and the desert and all the rest of it and this is how will be a greater traveller in course of time than captain cook i thank you | 8 |
said the other very heartily for your confidence don t mention it returned mr i am sure you are quite welcome and now mr perhaps i may ask you you have yet come to a decision where to go next indeed no i am such a and stray everywhere that i am liable to be drifted where any current may set it s extraordinary to me if you ll excuse my freedom in ing so that you don t go straight to london said mr in the tone of a confidential adviser perhaps i shall aye but i mean with a will i have no will that is to say he colored a little next to none that i can put in action now trained by main force broken not bent heavily with an object on which i was never consulted and which was never mine away to the other end of the world before i was of age and there until my father s death there a year ago always grinding in a mill i always hated what is to be expected from me in middle life will purpose hope all those lights were extinguished before i could sound the words light em up again said mr ah easily said i am the son mr of a hard father and mother i am the only child of parents who weighed measured and everything for whom what could not be weighed measured and had no existence strict people as the phrase is professors little of a stern religion their very religion was a gloomy sacrifice of tastes and sympathies that were never their own offered np as a part of a bargain for the security of their possessions austere faces inexorable discipline penance in this world and terror in the next nothing graceful or gentle anywhere and the void in my heart everywhere this was my childhood if i may so the word as to apply it to such a beginning of life though said mr made very uncomfortable by the picture offered to his imagination that was a tough commencement but come you must now study and profit by all that lies beyond it like a practical man if the people who are usually called practical were practical in your why so they are said mr are they indeed well i suppose so returned mr thinking about it eh one can but be practical and mrs and myself are nothing else my unknown course is easier and more hopeful than i had expected to find it then said shaking his head with his grave smile enough of me here is the boat the boat was filled with the cocked hats to which mr entertained a national objection and the of those cocked hats landed and came up the steps and all the travellers together there was then a mighty production of papers on the part of the cocked hats and a calling over of names and great work of stamping and with exceedingly and results finally everything was done according to rule and the travellers were at liberty to depart they would they made little account of stare and glare in the new pleasure of recovering their freedom but flitted across the harbor in gay boats and re assembled at a great hotel whence the sun was excluded by closed and where bare paved floors lofty and tempered the intense heat there a great table in a great room was soon covered with a superb and the quarters became bare indeed remembered among dainty dishes southern fruits cooled flowers from snow from the mountain tops and all the colors of the rainbow flashing in the but i bear those monotonous walls no ill will now said mr one always begins to forgive a place as soon as it s left behind i dare say a prisoner begins to towards his prison after he is let out they were about thirty in company and all talking but necessarily in groups and mother sat with their daughter between them the last three on one side of the table on the opposite side sat mr a tall gentleman with hair and beard of a and terrible not to say aspect but who had shown himself the of men and a handsome young travelling quite alone who had a proud observant face and had either withdrawn herself from the rest or been avoided by the rest nobody herself perhaps could have quite decided which the little rest of the party were of the usual materials travellers on business and travellers for pleasure officers from india on leave merchants in the greek and turkey trades a english husband in a meek strait waistcoat on a wedding trip with his young wife a majestic english and papa of the order with a family of three growing up daughters who were keeping a journal for the confusion of their fellow creatures and a deaf old english mother tough in travel with a very decidedly grown up daughter indeed which daughter went about the universe in the expectation of ultimately herself off into the married state the reserved took up mr in his last remark do you mean that a prisoner his prison said she slowly and with emphasis that was my speculation miss i don t pretend to know positively how a prisoner might feel i never was one before doubts said the french gentleman in his own language its being so easy to forgive i do pet had to this passage to mr who never by any accident acquired any knowledge whatever of the language of any country into which he travelled oh said he dear me but that s a pity isn t it that i am not said miss not exactly that put it another way that you can t believe it easy to forgive my experience she quietly returned has been my belief in many respects for | 8 |
some years it is our natural progress i have heard well well but it s not natural to bear malice i hope said mr cheerily if i had been shut up in any place to pine and suffer i should always hate that place and wish to burn it down or it to the ground i know no more strong sir said mr to the frenchman it being another of his habits to address individuals of all nations in english with a perfect conviction that they were bound to understand it somehow forcible in our fair friend you ll agree with me i think the french gentleman courteously replied il to which mr returned with much satisfaction you are right my opinion the breakfast beginning and bye to mr made the company a speech it was short enough and sensible enough considering that it was a speech at all and hearty it merely went to the effect that as they had all been thrown together by chance and had all preserved a good understanding together and were now about to and were not likely ever to find themselves all together again what could they do better than bid farewell to one another and give one another good speed in a glass of cool champagne all round the table it was done and with a general shaking of hands the assembly broke up for ever little the solitary young lady all this time had said no more she rose with the rest and silently withdrew to a remote corner of the great room where she sat herself on a couch in a window seeming to watch the reflection of the water as it made a silver quivering on the bars of the she sat turned away from the whole length of the apartment as if she were lonely of her own haughty choice and yet it would have been as difficult as ever to say positively whether she avoided the rest or was avoided the shadow in which she sat falling like a gloomy veil across her forehead accorded very well with the character of her beauty one could hardly see the face so still and scornful set off by the arched dark eyebrows and the folds of dark hair without wondering what its expression would be if a change came over it that it could soften or appeared next to impossible that it could into anger or any extreme of defiance and that it must change in that direction when it changed at all would have been its peculiar impression upon most it was dressed and trimmed into no ceremony of expression although not an open face there was no pretence in it i am self contained and self your opinion is nothing to me i have no interest in you care nothing for you and see and hear you with indifference this it said plainly it said so in the proud eyes in the lifted in the handsome but compressed and even cruel mouth cover either two of those channels of expression and the third would have said so still mask them all and the mere turn of the head would have shown an nature pet had moved up to her she had been the subject of remark among her family and mr who were now the only other occupants of the room and was standing at her side are you she turned her eyes and pet faltered expecting any one to meet you here miss i no father is sending to the shall he have the pleasure of directing the messenger to ask if there are any letters for you i thank him but i know there can be none we are afraid said pet sitting down beside her and half tenderly that you will feel quite deserted when we are all gone indeed not said pet and embarrassed by her eyes not of course that we are any company to you or that we have been able to be so or that we thought you wished it i have not intended to make it understood that i did wish it no of course but in short said pet timidly touching her hand as it lay on the sofa between them will you not allow father to render you any slight assistance or service he will be very glad very glad said mr coming forward with his wife and anything short of speaking the language i shall be delighted to undertake i am sure i am obliged to you she returned but my arrangements are made and i prefer to go my own way in my own manner do you said mr to himself as he surveyed her with a puzzled look well there s character in that too little i am not much used to the society of young ladies and i am afraid i may not show my appreciation of it as others might a pleasant journey to you good bye she would not have put out her hand it seemed but that mr put out his so straight before her that she could not pass it she put hers in it and it lay there just as it had lain upon the couch good bye said mr this is the last good bye upon the list for mother and i have just said it to mr here and he only waits to say it to pet good bye we may never meet again in our course through life we shall meet the people who are coming to meet us from many strange places and by many strange roads was the composed reply and what it is set to us to do to them and what it is set to them to do to us will all be done there was something in the manner of these words that upon pet s ear it implied that what was to be done was | 8 |
necessarily evil and it caused her to say in a whisper father and to shrink in her spoilt way a little closer to him this was not lost on the speaker your pretty daughter she said starts to think of such things yet looking full upon her you may be sure that there are men and women already on their road who have their business to do with you and who will do it of a certainty they will do it they may be coming hundreds thousands of miles over the sea there they may be close at hand now they may be coming for anything you know or anything you can do to prevent it from the of this very town with the of and with a certain worn expression on her beauty that gave it though scarcely yet in its prime a wasted look she left the room now there were many stairs and passages that she had to in passing from that part of the spacious house to the chamber she had secured for her own occupation when she had almost completed the journey and was passing along the gallery in which her room was she heard an angry sound of muttering and sobbing a door stood open and within she saw the attendant upon the girl she had just left the maid with the curious name she stood still to look at this maid a sullen passionate girl her rich black hair was all about her face her face was flushed and hot and as she sobbed and raged she plucked at her lips with an hand selfish brutes said the girl sobbing and heaving between not caring what becomes of me leaving me here hungry and thirsty and tired to starve for anything they care beasts devils wretches my poor girl what is the matter she looked up suddenly with eyes and with her hands suspended in the act of her neck with great scarlet it s nothing to you what s the matter it don t signify to any one yes it does i am sorry to see you so you are not sorry said the girl you are glad you know you are glad i never was like this but twice over in the yonder and both times you found me i am afraid of you little afraid of mc yes you seem to come like my own anger my own malice my own whatever it is i don t know what it is but i am ill used i am ill used i am ill used here the sobs and the tears and the tearing hand which had all been suspended together since the first surprise went on together anew the visitor stood looking at her with a strange attentive smile it was wonderful to see the fury of the contest in the girl and the bodily struggle she made as if she were rent by the of old i am younger than she is by two or three years and yet it s me that looks after her as if i was old and it s she that s always and called baby i the name i hate her they make a tool of her they spoil her she thinks of nothing but herself she thinks no more of me than if i was a stock and a stone so the girl went on you must have patience i have patience if they take much care of themselves and little or none of you you must not mind it i will mind it hush be more prudent you forget your dependent position i don t care for that i ll run away i ll do some mischief i won t bear it i can t bear it i shall die if i try to bear it the observer stood with her hand upon her own bosom looking at the girl as one afflicted with a part might curiously watch the and of an case the girl raged and with all the force of her youth and fulness of life until by little and little her passionate exclamations off into broken murmurs as if she were in pain by corresponding degrees she sunk into a chair then upon her knees then upon the ground beside the bed drawing the with her half to hide her head and wet hair in it and half as it seemed to embrace it rather than have nothing to take to her breast go away from me go away from me when my temper comes upon me i am mad i know i might keep it off if i only tried hard enough and sometimes i do try hard enough and at other times i don t and won t what have i said i knew when i said it it was all lies they think i am being taken care of somewhere and have all i want they are nothing but good to me i love them dearly no people could ever be kinder to a creature than they always are to me do do go away for i am afraid of you i am afraid of myself when i feel my temper coming and i am as much afraid of you go away from me and let me pray and cry myself better the day passed on and again the wide stare stared itself out and the hot night was on and through it the of the morning all dispersed went their appointed ways and thus ever by day and night under the sun and under the stars climbing the dusty hills and toiling along the weary plains by land and by sea coming and going so strangely to meet and to act and on one another move all we restless travellers through the pilgrimage of life ss y s p little chapter iii home it was a sunday evening in london | 8 |
of imprisonment sometimes a face would appear behind the dingy glass of a window and would fade away into the gloom as if it had seen enough of life and had vanished out of it presently the rain began to fall in lines between him and those houses and people began to collect under cover of the public passage opposite and to look out hopelessly at the sky as the rain dropped thicker and faster then wet began to appear skirts and mud what the mud had been doing with itself or where it came from who could say but it seemed to collect in a moment as a crowd will and in five minutes to have all the sons and daughters of adam the was going his rounds now and as the fiery sprang up under his touch one might have fancied them astonished at being suffered to introduce any show of brightness into such a dismal scene mr arthur took up his hat and his coat and walked out in the country the rain would have developed a thousand fresh and every drop would have had its bright association with some beautiful form of growth or life in the city it developed only foul stale smells and was a sickly dirt stained wretched addition to the he crossed by saint paul s and went down at a long angle almost to the water s edge through some of the crooked and descending streets which lie and lay more and closely then between the river and passing now the hall of some company now the illuminated windows of a church that seemed to be waiting for some adventurous to dig it out and discover its history passing silent and and here and there a narrow alley leading to the river where a wretched little bill pound was weeping on the wet wall he came at last to the house he sought an old brick house so dingy as to be all but black standing by itself within a before it a square where a or two and a patch of grass were as rank which is saying much as the iron them were rusty behind it a of roofs it was a double house with long narrow heavily framed windows many years ago it had had it in its mind to slide down sideways it had been propped up however and was leaning on some half dozen gigantic which for the neighbouring cats weather stained smoke blackened and overgrown with weeds appeared in these latter days to be no very sure reliance nothing changed said the traveller stopping to look round dark and miserable as ever a light in my mother s window which seems never to have been extinguished since i came home twice a year from school and dragged my box over this pavement well well well he went up to the door which had a projecting in carved work of jack and children s heads with water on the brain designed after a once popular pattern and knocked a shuffling step was soon heard on the stone floor of the hall and the door was opened by an old man bent and dried but with keen eyes he had a candle in his hand and he held it up for a moment to assist his keen eyes ah mr arthur he said without any emotion you are come at last step in little mr arthur stepped in and shut the door your figure is filled out and set said the old man turning to look at him with the light raised again and shaking his head but you don t come up to your father in my opinion nor yet your mother how is my mother she is as she always is now keeps her room when not actually and hasn t been out of it fifteen times in as many years arthur they had walked into a spare meagre dining room the old man had put the upon the table and supporting his right elbow with his left hand was his jaws while he looked at the visitor the visitor offered his hand the old man took it coldly enough and seemed to prefer his jaws to which he returned as soon as he could i doubt if your mother will approve of your coming home on the sabbath arthur he said shaking his head you wouldn t have me go away again oh i i i am not the master it s not what would have i have stood between your father and mother for a number of years i don t pretend to stand between your mother and you will you tell her that i ha e come home yes arthur yes oh to be sure i ll tell her that you have come home please to wait here you won t find the room changed he took another candle from a cupboard lighted it left the first on the table and went upon his errand he was a short bald old man in a high shouldered black coat and waistcoat breeches and long he might from his dress have been either clerk or servant and in fact had long been both there was nothing about him in the way of but a watch which was lowered into the depths of its proper pocket by an old black ribbon and had a copper key above it to show where it was sunk his head was and he had a one sided like way with him as if his foundations had yielded at about the same time as those of the house and he ought to have been propped up in a similar manner how weak am i said arthur when he was gone that i could shed tears at this reception i who have never experienced anything else who have never expected anything else he not only could but did it was the | 8 |
there might be for anything i knew some there however as i need not tell you mother there was nothing but the old silk worked in beads which you found no doubt in its place between the cases where i found and left it mrs signified assent then added no more of business on this day and then added it is nine o clock this the old woman cleared the little table went out of the room and quickly returned with a tray on which was a dish of little and a small precise pat of butter cool white and plump the old man who had been standing by the door in one attitude during the whole interview looking at the mother upstairs as he had looked at the son downstairs went out at the same time and after a longer absence returned with another tray on which was the greater part of a bottle of port wine which to judge by his panting he had brought from the cellar a a sugar basin and a box with these materials and the aid of the kettle he filled a with a hot and mixture measured out and with as much as a physician s into this mixture mrs dipped certain of the and ate them while the old woman certain other of the which were to be eaten alone the invalid had eaten all the and drunk all the mixture the two were removed and the books and the candle watch handkerchief and spectacles were replaced upon the table she then put on the spectacles and read certain passages aloud from a book sternly fiercely praying that her enemies she made them by her tone and manner expressly hers might be put to the edge of the sword con little by fire smitten by and that their bones might be ground to dust and that they might be utterly as she read on years seemed to fall away from her son like the of a dream and all the old dark horrors of his usual preparation for the sleep of an innocent child to him she shut the book and remained for a little time with her face shaded by her hand so did the old man otherwise still unchanged in attitude so probably did the old woman in her part of the room then the sick woman was ready for bed good night arthur will see to your accommodation only touch me for my hand is tender he touched the of her hand that was nothing if his mother had been in brass there would have been no new barrier between them and followed the old man and woman down stairs the latter asked him when they were alone together among the heavy shadows of the dining room would he have some supper no supper you shall if you like said there s her to morrow s in the her first this year say the word and i ll cook it so he had not long dined and could eat nothing have something to drink then said you shall have some of her bottle of port if you like i ll tell that you ordered me to bring it you no nor would he have that either it s no reason arthur said the old woman bending over him to whisper that because i am of my life of em you should be you ve got half the property haven t you yes yes well then don t you re clever arthur an t you he nodded as she seemed to expect an answer in the affirmative then stand up against them she s awful clever and none but a clever one say a word to her he s a clever one oh he s a clever one and he gives it her when he has a mind to t he does your husband does does it makes me shake from head to foot to hear him give it her my husband can conquer even your mother what can he be but a clever one to do that his shuffling footstep coming towards them caused her to retreat to the other end of the room though a tall hard favoured old woman who in her youth might have in the foot guards without much fear of discovery she before the little like old man now said he now woman what are you doing can t you find master arthur something or another to pick at master arthur repeated his recent refusal to pick at anything very well then said the old man make his bed stir yourself his neck was so twisted that the knotted ends of his white usually under one ear his natural and energy always with a second nature of habitual gave his features a swollen and look and altogether he had a weird appearance of having hanged himself at one time or other and of little do having gone about ever since and all exactly as some had cut him down you ll have bitter words together to morrow arthur you and your mother said your having given up the business on your father s death which she though we have left it to you to tell her won t go off smoothly i have given up everything in life for the business and the time came for me to give up that good cried evidently meaning bad very good only don t expect me to stand between your mother and you arthur i stood between your mother and your father off this and off that and getting crushed and em and i ve done with such work you will never be asked to begin it again for me good i m glad to hear it because i should have had to decline it if i had been that s enough as your mother says | 8 |
and more than enough of such matters on a sabbath night woman have you found what you want yet she had been collecting sheets and blankets from a press and hastened to gather them up and to reply yes arthur helped her by carrying the load himself wished the old man good night and went upstairs with her to the top of the house they mounted up and up through the smell of an old close house little used to a large garret bed room meagre and spare like all the other rooms it was even and than the rest by being the place of for the worn out furniture its were ugly old chairs with worn out seats and ugly old chairs without any seats a carpet a table a crippled wardrobe a lean set of fire irons like the skeleton of a set deceased a washing stand that looked as if it had stood for ages in a hail of dirty soap and a with four bare of posts each in a as if for the dismal accommodation of who might prefer to themselves arthur opened the long low window and looked out upon the old and blackened forest of chimneys and the old red glare in the sky which had seemed to him once upon a time but a nightly reflection of the fiery that was presented to his childish fancy in all directions let it look where it would he drew in his head again sat down at the bedside and looked on at making the bed you were not married when i went away she her mouth into the form of saying no shook her head and proceeded to get a pillow into its case how did it happen why o course said with an end of the between her teeth of course he proposed it but how did it all come about i should have thought that neither of you would have married least of all should i have thought of your marrying each other no more should i said mrs tying the pillow tightly in its case little that s what i moan when did you begin to think otherwise never begun to think otherwise at all said mrs seeing as she patted the pillow into its place on the that he was still looking at her as if waiting for the rest of her reply she gave it a great in the middle and asked how could i help myself how could you help yourself from being married course said mrs it was no doing o mine t d never thought of it i d got something to do without thinking indeed she kept me to it when she could go about and she could go about then well well echoed mrs that s what i said myself well what s the use of considering if them two clever ones has made up their minds to it what s left for me to do nothing was it my mother s project then the lord bless you arthur and forgive me the wish cried speaking always in a low tone if they hadn t been both of a mind in it how could it ever have been never me t ant likely that he would after living in the house with me and ordering me about for as many years as he d done he said to me one day he said he said now i am going to tell you something what do you think of the name of t what do i think of it i says yes he said because you re going to take it he said take it i says w ah oh he s a clever one mrs went on to spread the upper sheet over the bed and the blanket over that and the over that as if she had quite concluded her story well said arthur again well echoed mrs again how could i help myself he said to me you and me must be married and i ll tell you why she s failing in health and she ll want pretty constant attendance up in her room and we shall have to be much with her and there ll be nobody about now but ourselves when we re away from her and altogether it will be more convenient she s of my opinion he said so if you ll put your bonnet on next monday morning at eight we ll get it over mrs tucked up the bed well well repeated mrs i think so i sits me down and says it well then says to me i as to next sunday being the third time of asking for i ve put em up a fortnight is my reason for monday she ll speak to you about it herself and now she ll find you prepared that same day she spoke to me and she said so i understand that you and are going to be married i am glad of it and so are you with reason it is a very good thing for you and very welcome under the circumstances to me he is a sensible man and a man and a man and a pious man what could i say when it had come to that why if it had been a instead of a wedding mrs cast about in her mind with great pains for this form of expression i couldn t have said a word upon it against them two clever ones in good faith i believe so little and so you may arthur what girl was that in my mother s room just now girl said mrs flint in a rather sharp key it was a girl surely whom i saw near you almost hidden in the dark corner oh she little she s nothing she s a whim hers it was a peculiarity | 8 |
of that she never spoke of mrs hy name but there s another sort of girls than that about have you forgot your old sweetheart long and long ago i ll be bound i suffered enough from my mother s separating us to remember her i recollect her very well have you got another here s news for you then she s well to do now and a widow and if you like to have her why you can and how do you know that them two clever ones have been speaking about it there s on the stairs she was gone in a moment mrs had introduced into the web that his mind was busily weaving in that old where the loom of his youth had stood the last thread wanting to the pattern the airy folly of a boy s love had found its way even into that house and he had been as wretched under its as if the house had been a castle of romance little more than a week ago at the face of the pretty girl from whom he had parted with regret had had an unusual interest for him and a tender hold upon him because of some resemblance real or imagined to this first face that had out of his gloomy life into the bright glories of fancy he leaned upon the sill of the long low window and looking out upon the blackened forest of chimneys again began to dream for it had been the uniform tendency of this man s life so much was wanting in it to think about so much that might have been better directed and happier to upon to make him a after all chapter iv mrs has a dream when mrs dreamed she usually dreamed unlike the son of her old mistress with her eyes shut she had a curiously vivid dream that night and before she had left the son of her old mistress many hours in fact it was not at all like a dream it was so very real in every respect it happened in this wise the bed chamber occupied by mr and mrs was within a few paces of that to which mrs had been so long confined it was not on the same floor for it was a room at the side of the house which was approached by a steep descent of a few odd steps from the main staircase nearly opposite to mrs s door it could scarcely be said to be within call the walls doors and of the little old place were so but it was within easy reach in any at any of the night in any temperature at the head of the bed and within a foot of mrs s ear was a bell the line of which hung ready to mrs s hand whenever this bell rang up started and was in the sick room before she was awake having got her mistress into bed lighted her lamp and given her good night mrs went to as usual saving that her lord had not yet appeared it was her lord himself who became unlike the last theme in the mind according to the observation of most philosophers the subject of mrs s dream it seemed to her that she awoke after sleeping some hours and found not yet that she looked at the candle she had left burning and measuring the time like king alfred the great was confirmed by its wasted state in her belief that she had been asleep for some considerable period that she arose thereupon muffled herself up in a put on her shoes and went out on the staircase much surprised to look for the staircase was as wooden and solid as need be and went straight down it without any of those peculiar to dreams she did not over it but walked down it and guided herself by the on account of her candle having died out in one corner of the hall behind the house door there was a little like a well shaft with a long narrow window in it as if it had been up in this room which was never used a light was burning mrs crossed the hall feeling its pavement cold to her feet and peeped in between the rusty hinges of the door which stood a little open she expected to see fast asleep or in a fit but he was calmly seated in a chair awake and in his usual health but what hey lord forgive us mrs muttered some to this effect and turned giddy for mr awake was watching mr asleep he sat on one side of a small table looking keenly at himself on the other side with his chin sunk on his breast the waking had his full front face presented to his wife the sleeping was in the waking was the old original the sleeping was the double just as she might have distinguished between a object and its reflection in a glass made out this difference with her head going round and round if she had had any doubt which was her own it would have been resolved by his impatience he looked about him for an offensive weapon caught up the and before applying them to the headed candle at the as though he would have run him through the body who s that what s the matter cried the starting mr made a movement with the as if he would have enforced silence on his companion by putting them down his throat the companion coming to himself said rubbing his eyes i forgot where i was you have been asleep referring to his watch two hours you said you would be rested enough if you had a short nap little i have had a short nap said double half past two o | 8 |
in my father s earlier time and in his uncle s time before him it was a place of business really a place of business and business resort now it is a mere and here out of date and out of purpose all our have long been made to the commission merchants and although as a check upon them and in the of my father s resources your judgment and have been exerted still those qualities would have influenced my father s fortunes equally if you had lived in any private dwelling would they not do you consider she returned without answering his question that a house serves no purpose arthur in your and afflicted justly and afflicted mother i was speaking only of business purposes with what object i am coming to it i foresee she returned fixing her eyes upon him what it is but the lord forbid that i should under any in my i merit bitter disappointment and i accept it t mother i grieve to hear you speak like this though i have had my apprehensions that you would you knew i would you knew me she interrupted her son paused for a moment he had struck fire out of her and was surprised well she said into stone go on let me hear you have anticipated mother that i decide for my part to abandon the business i have done with it i will not take upon myself to advise you you will continue it i see if i had any influence with you i would simply use it to soften your judgment of me in causing you this disappointment to represent to you that i have lived the half of a long term of life and have never before set my own will against yours i cannot say that i have been able to myself in heart and spirit to your rules i cannot say that i believe my forty years have been profitable or pleasant to myself or any one but i have habitually submitted and i only ask you to remember it woe to the if such a one there were or ever had been who had any concession to look for in the inexorable face at the cabinet woe to the whose appeal lay to the where those severe eyes presided t great need had the rigid woman of her religion veiled in gloom and darkness with of cursing vengeance and destruction flashing through the clouds forgive us our debts as we forgive our was a prayer too poor in spirit for her thou my lord them crush them do thou as i would do and thou shalt have my worship this was the tower of stone she built up to scale heaven have you finished arthur or have you anything more to say to little me i think there can be nothing else yon hare been short bnt full of matter mother i have yet something more to say it has been upon my mind night and day this long time it is far more difficult to say than what i have said that concerned myself this concerns us all us all who are us all yourself myself my dead father she took her hands from the desk folded them in her lap and sat looking towards the fire with the of an old egyptian you knew my father infinitely better than i ever knew him and his reserve with me yielded to you you were much the stronger mother and directed him as a child i knew it as well as i know it now i knew that your over him was the cause of his going to china to take care of the business there while you took care of it here though i do not even now know whether these were really terms of separation that you agreed upon and that it was your will that i should remain with you until i was twenty and then go to him as i did you will not be offended by my recalling this after twenty years i am waiting to hear why you recall it he lowered his voice and said with manifest reluctance and against his will i want to ask you mother whether it ever occurred to you to suspect at the word suspect she turned her eyes upon her son with a dark frown she then suffered them to seek the fire as before but with the frown fixed above them as if the of old egypt had it in the hard granite face to frown for ages that he had any secret remembrance which caused him trouble of mind remorse whether you ever observed anything in his conduct suggesting that or ever spoke to him upon it or ever heard him hint at such a thing i do not understand what kind of secret remembrance you mean to infer that your father was a prey to she returned after a silence you speak so mysteriously is it possible mother her son leaned forward to be the nearer to her while he whispered it and laid his hand nervously upon her desk is it possible mother that he had unhappily wronged any one and made no looking at him she bent herself back in her chair to keep him further off but gave him no reply lam deeply sensible mother that if this thought has never at any time flashed upon you it must seem cruel and unnatural in me even in this confidence to breathe it but i cannot shake it off time and change i have tried both before breaking silence do nothing to wear it out i was with my father i saw his face when he gave the watch into my keeping and struggled to express that he sent it as a token you would understand to you i saw him at the | 8 |
last with the pencil in his failing hand trying to write some word for you to read but to which he could give no shape the more remote and cruel this vague suspicion that i have the stronger the circumstances d little that could give it any semblance of probability to me for heaven s sake let us examine whether there is any wrong to us to set right no one can help towards it mother but you still so in her chair that her weight moved it from time to time a little on its wheels and gave her the appearance of a phantom of fierce aspect gliding away from him she interposed her left arm bent at the elbow with the back of her hand towards her face between herself and him and looked at him in a fixed silence in grasping at money and in driving hard i have begun and i must speak of such things now mother some one may have been deceived injured ruined you were the moving power of all this machinery before my birth your stronger spirit has been into all my father s dealings for more than two score years you can set these doubts at rest i think if you will really help me to discover the truth will you mother he stopped in the hope that she would speak but her grey hair was not more in its two folds than were her firm lips if can be made to any one if can be made to any one let us know it and make it mother if within my means let me make it i have seen so little happiness come of money it has brought within my knowledge so little peace to this house or to any one belonging to it that it is worth less to me than to another it can buy me nothing that will not be a reproach and misery to me if i am haunted by a suspicion that it darkened my father s last hours with remorse and that it is not honestly and justly mine there was a bell rope hanging on the wall some two or three yards from the cabinet by a swift and sudden action of her foot she drove her wheeled chair rapidly back to it and pulled it violently still holding her arm up in its shield like posture as if he were striking at her and she off the blow a girl came hurrying in frightened send here in a moment the girl had withdrawn and the old man stood within the door what you re hammer and already you two he said coolly his face i thought you would be i was pretty sure of it said the mother look at my son look at him well i am looking at him said she stretched out the arm with which she had herself and as she went on pointed at the object of her anger in the very hour of his return almost before the shoe upon his foot is dry he his father s memory to his mother asks his mother to become with him a spy upon his father s transactions through a lifetime has that the goods of this world which we have painfully got together early and late with wear and tear and toil and self denial are so much plunder and asks to whom they shall be given up as and although she said this raging she said it in a voice so far from being beyond her control that it was even lower than her usual tone she also spoke with great distinctness said she yes truly it is easy for him to talk of m l little fresh from and in foreign lands and living a life of vanity and pleasure but let him look at me in prison and in bonds here i endure without murmuring because it is appointed that i shall so make for my sins is there none in this room has there been none here this fifteen years thus was she always her bargain with the majesty of heaven up the to her credit strictly keeping her set off and claiming her due she was only remarkable in this for the force and emphasis with which she did it thousands upon thousands do it according to their varying manner every day give me that book the old man handed it to her from the table she put two fingers between the leaves closed the book upon them and held it up to her son in a threatening way in the days of old arthur treated of in this there were pious men beloved of the lord who would have cursed their sons for less than this who would have sent them forth and sent whole nations forth if such had supported them to be avoided of god and man and perish down to the baby at the breast but i only tell you that if you ever renew that theme with me i will you i will so dismiss you through that doorway that you had better have been from your cradle i will never see or know you more and if after all you were to come into this darkened room to look upon me lying dead my body should if i could make it when you came near me in part relieved by the intensity of this threat and in part monstrous as the fact is by a general impression that it was in some sort a religious proceeding she handed back the book to the old man and was silent now said that i m not going to stand between you two will you let me ask as i hare been called in and made a third what is all this about take your version of it returned arthur finding it left to | 8 |
him to speak from my mother let it rest there what i have said was said to my mother only oh returned the old man from your mother take it from your mother well but your mother mentioned that you had been suspecting your father that s not dutiful mr arthur who will you be suspecting next enough said mrs turning her face so that it was addressed for the moment to the old man only let no more be said about this yes but stop a bit stop a bit the old man persisted let us see how we stand have you told mr arthur that he mustn t lay at his father s door that he has no right to do it that he has no ground to go upon u i tell him so now ah exactly said the old man you tell him so now you hadn t told him so before and you tell him so now ay ay that s right you know i stood between you and his father so long that it seems as if death had made no difference and i was still standing little it between you so i will and so in i require to have that plainly put forward arthur you please to hear that you have no right to your father and have no ground to go upon he put his hands to the hack of the wheeled chair and muttering to himself slowly wheeled his mistress back to her cabinet now he resumed standing behind her in case i should go away leaving things half done and so should be wanted again when you come to the other half and get into one of your nights has arthur told you what he means to do about the business he has it in favour of nobody i suppose mrs glanced at her son leaning against one of the windows he observed the look and said to my mother of course she what she pleases and if any pleasure she said after a short pause could arise for me out of the disappointment of my expectations that my son in the prime of his life would new youth and strength into it and make it of great profit and power it would be in advancing an old and faithful servant the captain deserts the ship but you and i will sink or float with it whose eyes as if they saw money darted a sudden look at the son which seemed to say i owe you no thanks for this you have done nothing towards it and then told the mother that he thanked her and that thanked her and that he would never desert her and that would never desert her finally he hauled up his watch from its depths said eleven time for your and with that change of subject which involved no change of expression or manner rang the bell but mrs resolved to treat herself with the greater for having been supposed to be with refused to eat her when they were brought they looked tempting eight in number set out on a white plate on a tray covered with a white by a of roll and a little compact glass of cool wine and water but she resisted all and sent them down again placing the act to her credit no doubt in her eternal day book this of was not presided over by but by the girl who had appeared when the bell was rung the same who had been in the dimly lighted room last night now that he had an opportunity of observing her arthur found that her figure small features and slight spare dress gave her the appearance of being much younger than she was a woman probably of not less than two and twenty she might have been passed in the street for little more than half that age not that her face was very youthful for in truth there was more consideration and care in it than naturally belonged to her utmost years but she was so little and light so noiseless and shy and appeared so conscious of being out of place among the three hard elders that she had all the manner and much of the appearance of a subdued child in a hard way and in an uncertain way that between patronage and putting down the from a watering pot and pressure mrs showed an interest in this little even in the moment of her entrance upon the violent ringing of the bell when the mother herself with that singular action from the son mrs s eyes had had some individual recognition in them which seemed reserved for her as there are degrees of hardness in the hardest metal and shades of color in black itself so even in the of mrs s towards all the rest of humanity and towards little there was a fine little let herself out to do at so much a day or at so little from eight to eight little was to be hired punctual to the moment little appeared punctual to the moment little vanished what became of little between the two was a mystery another of the moral phenomena of little besides her consideration money her daily contract included meals she had an extraordinary to dining in company would never do so if it were possible to escape would always plead that she had this bit of work to begin first or that bit of work to finish first and would of a certainty scheme and plan not very it would seem for she deceived no one to dine alone successful in this happy in carrying off her plate anywhere to make a table of her lap or a box or the ground or even as was supposed to stand on tip toe dining at a the great anxiety of little | 8 |
s day was set at rest it was not easy to make out little s face she was so retiring plied her needle in such removed corners and started away so scared if encountered on the stairs but it seemed to be a pale transparent face quick in expression though not beautiful in feature its soft eyes a delicately bent head a tiny form a quick little pair of busy hands and a shabby dress it must needs have been very shabby to look at all so being so neat were little as she sat at work for these particulars or concerning little mr arthur was indebted in the course of the day to his own eyes and to mrs s tongue if mrs had had any will or way of her own it would probably have been to little but as them two clever ones mrs s perpetual reference in whom her personality was swallowed up were agreed to accept little as a matter of course she had nothing for it but to follow suit if the two clever ones had agreed to murder little by candle light mrs being required to hold the candle would no doubt have done it in the intervals of the for the invalid chamber and preparing a dish of beef and for the dining room mrs made the communications above set forth invariably putting her head in at the door again after she had taken it out to enforce resistance to the two clever ones it appeared to have become a perfect passion with mrs that the only son should be against them in the course of the day too arthur looked through the whole house dull and dark he found it the gaunt rooms deserted for years upon years seemed to have settled down into a gloomy from which nothing could rouse them again the furniture at once spare and hid in the rooms rather than furnished them and there was no color in all the house such color as had ever been there had long ago little started away on lost got itself absorbed perhaps into flowers of birds precious stones what not there was not one straight floor from the foundation to the roof the were so clouded by smoke and dust that old women might have told fortunes in them better than in of tea the dead cold showed no traces of having ever been but in heaps of that had tumbled down the chimneys and about in little dusky when the doors were opened in what had once been a drawing room there were a pair of meagre with dismal of black figures carrying black walking round the frames but even these were short of heads and legs and one like had swung round on his own and got down and another had fallen off altogether the room arthur s deceased father had occupied for business purposes when he first remembered him was so that he might have been imagined still to keep it as his visible kept her room up stairs still going between them his picture dark and gloomy earnestly speechless on the wall with the eyes intently looking at his son as they had looked when life departed from them seemed to urge him awfully to the task he had attempted but as to any yielding on the part of his mother he had now no hope and as to any other means of setting his distrust at rest he had abandoned hope a down in the as up in the bed chambers old objects that he well remembered were changed by age and decay but were still in their old places even to empty beer with and empty wine bottles with fur and choking up their throats there too among unused bottle and pale of light from the yard above was the strong room stored with old which had as and corrupt a smell as if they were regularly balanced in the dead small hours by a nightly of old book the dish was served up in a manner on a cloth at an end of the dining table at two o clock when he dined with mr the new partner mr informed him that his mother had recovered her now and that he need not fear her again alluding to what had passed in the morning and don t you lay at your father s door mr arthur added once for all don t do it now we have done with the subject mr had been already re arranging and his own particular little as if to do honor to his accession to new dignity he resumed this occupation when he was with beef had sucked up all the in the dish with the flat of his knife and had drawn liberally on a barrel of small beer in the thus refreshed he tucked up his shirt sleeves and went to work again and mr arthur watching him as he set about it plainly saw that his father s picture or his father s grave would be as with him as this old man now woman said mr as she crossed the hall you hadn t made mr arthur s bed when i was up there last stir yourself bustle but mr arthur found the house so blank and dreary and was so unwilling to assist at another of his mother s s i little do enemies perhaps himself among them to mortal and immortal ruin that he announced his intention of lodging at the where he had left his luggage mr taking kindly to the idea of getting rid of him and his mother being indifferent beyond considerations of saving to most domestic arrangements that were not bounded by the walls of her own chamber he easily carried this point without new offence daily business hours were agreed upon which his mother mr and he were | 8 |
to devote together to a necessary checking of books and papers and he left the home he had so lately found with a depressed heart but little the business hours allowing for intervals of invalid of and during which refreshed himself with a walk were from ten to six for about a fortnight sometimes little was employed at her needle sometimes not sometimes appeared as a humble visitor which must have been her character on the occasion of his arrival his original curiosity every day as he watched for her saw or did not see her and about her influenced by his idea he even fell into a habit of discussing with himself the possibility of her being in some way associated with it at last he resolved to watch little and know more of her story chapter vi the father of the thirty years ago there stood a few doors short of the church of saint george in the of on the left hand of the southward the prison it had stood there many years before and it remained there some years afterwards but it is gone now and the world is none the worse without it it was an pile of building into houses standing back to back so that there were no back rooms by a narrow paved yard hemmed in by high walls duly at top itself a close and confined prison for it contained within it a much closer and more confined jail for against the laws and to or customs who had incurred which they were unable to pay were supposed to be behind an iron door closing up a second prison consisting of a strong cell or two and a blind alley some yard and a half wide which formed the mysterious termination of the very limited in which the down their troubles supposed to be there because the time had rather the strong and the blind alley in practice they had come to be considered a little too bad though in theory they were quite as good as ever which may be observed to be the case at the present day with other that are not at all strong and with other blind that are stone blind hence the habitually with little the who received with open arms except at certain constitutional moments when somebody came from some office to go through some form of overlooking something which neither he nor anybody else knew anything about on those truly british occasions the if any made a of walking into the strong and the blind alley while this somebody pretended to do his something and made a reality of walking out again as soon as he hadn t done it neatly the administration of most of the public affairs in our right little tight little island there had been taken to the prison long before the day when the sun shone on and on the opening of this narrative a with whom this narrative has some concern he was at that time a very amiable and very helpless middle aged gentleman who was going out again directly necessarily he was going out again directly because the lock never turned upon a who was not he brought in a with him which he doubted its being worth while to he was so perfectly clear like all the rest of them the on the lock said that he was going out again directly he was a shy retiring man well looking though in an style with a mild voice curling hair and hands rings upon the fingers in those days which nervously wandered to his trembling lip a hundred times in the first half hour of his acquaintance with the jail his principal anxiety was about his wife do you think sir he asked the that she will be very much shocked if she should come to the gate to morrow morning the gave it as the result of his experience that some of em was and some of em wasn t in general more no than yes what like is she you see he asked that s what it hinges on she is very delicate and inexperienced indeed that said the is her she is so little used to go out alone said the that i am at a loss to think how she will ever make her way here if she walks p the she ll take a coach perhaps the fingers went to the trembling lip i hope she will she may not think of it or p said the offering his suggestions from the top of his well worn wooden stool as he might have offered them to a child for whose weakness he felt a compassion p she ll get her brother or her sister to come along with her she has no brother or sister niece cousin young dash it one or another on em said the beforehand the refusal of all his suggestions i fear i hope it is not against the rules that she will bring the children the children said the and the rules why lord set you up like a corner pin we ve a lar o children here children why we swarm with em how many a you got two said the lifting his hand to his lip again and turning into the prison little the followed with his eyes and yon another he observed to himself which makes three on you and your wife another i ll lay a crown which makes four on you and another coming i ll lay half a crown which h make five on you and i ll go another seven and sixpence to name which is the the baby or you he was right in all his particulars she came next day with a little boy of three years old and a little girl of two and he stood | 8 |
entirely got a room now haven t you the asked the after a week or two yes i have got a very good room any little sticks a coming to furnish it said the i expect a few necessary articles of furniture to be delivered by the this afternoon and little a coming to keep you company asked the why yes we think it better that we should not be scattered even for a few weeks even for a few weeks of course replied the and he followed him again with his eyes and nodded his head seven times when he was gone the affairs of this were perplexed by a of which he knew no more than that he had invested money in it by legal matters of and settlement conveyance here and conveyance there suspicion of preference of in this direction and of mysterious away of property in that and as nobody on the face of the earth could be more incapable of explaining any single item in the heap of confusion than the himself nothing could be made of his case to question him in detail and endeavour to reconcile his answers to closet him with and sharp learned in the of and was only to put the case out at compound interest of the fingers fluttered more and more about the trembling lip on every such occasion and the gave him up as a hopeless job out said the vi never get out unless his take him by the shoulders and him out he had been there five or six months when he came running to this one to tell him breathless and pale that his wife was ill as anybody might a known she would be said the we intended he returned that she should go to a country lodging only to morrow what am i to do oh good heaven what am i to do don t waste your time in clasping your hands and biting your fingers responded the practical taking him by the elbow but come along with me the conducted him trembling from head to foot and constantly crying under his breath what was he to do while his fingers the tears upon his face up one of the common in the prison to a door on the garret story upon which door the knocked with the handle of his key come in cried a voice inside little the opening the door disclosed in a wretched ill smelling little room two hoarse red faced personages seated at a table playing at all smoking pipes and drinking brandy doctor said the here s a gentleman s wife in want of you without a minute s loss of time the doctor s friend was in the positive degree of red all tobacco dirt and brandy the doctor in the comparative more red faced more all and the doctor was shabby in a torn and rough weather sea jacket out at elbows and eminently short of buttons he had been in his time the experienced surgeon carried by a passenger ship the white conceivable by mortal man carpet slippers and no visible linen said the doctor i m the boy with that the doctor took a comb from the and stuck his hair upright which appeared to be his way of washing himself produced a professional chest or case of most abject appearance from the cupboard where his cup and and coals were settled his chin in the round his neck and became a ghastly medical the doctor and the ran down stairs leaving the to return to the lock and made for the s room all the ladies in the prison had got hold of the news and were in the yard some of them had already taken possession of the two children and were carrying them off others were offering of little comforts from their own scanty store others were with the greatest the gentlemen prisoners feeling themselves at a disadvantage had for the most part retired not to say to their rooms from the open windows of which some of them now the doctor with as he passed below while others with several stories between them sarcastic to the excitement it was a hot summer day and the prison rooms were between the high walls in the s confined chamber mrs and messenger who was not a prisoner though she had been once but was the popular medium of communication with the outer world had volunteered her services as fly and general attendant the walls and ceiling were blackened with flies mrs expert in sudden device with one hand the patient with a leaf and with the other set traps of and sugar in at the same time sentiments of an encouraging and nature adapted to the occasion the flies trouble you don t they my dear said mrs but p they ll take your mind off of it and do you good what between the ground the s the stables and the trade the flies gets very large p they re sent as a consolation if we only know d it how are you now my dear no better no my dear it ain t to be expected you ll be worse before you re better and you know it don t you yes that s right and to think of a sweet little being born inside the lock now ain t it pretty ain t that something to carry you through it pleasant why we ain t had such a thing happen here my dear little not for i couldn t name the time when and you a crying too said mrs to rally the patient more and more you making yourself so famous with the flies a falling into the by and everything a going on so well and here if there ain t said mrs as the door opened if there ain | 8 |
t your dear gentleman along with doctor and now indeed we are complete i think the doctor was scarcely the kind of apparition to inspire a patient with a sense of absolute completeness but as he presently delivered the opinion we are as right as we can be mrs and we shall come out of this like a house a fire and as he and mrs took possession of the poor helpless pair as everybody else and anybody else had always done the means at hand were as good on the whole as better would have been the special feature in dr s treatment of the case was his determination to keep mrs up to the mark as thus mrs said the doctor before he had been there twenty minutes go outside and fetch a little brandy or we shall have you giving in thank you sir but none on my accounts said mrs mrs returned the doctor i am in professional attendance on this lady and don t choose to allow any discussion on your part go outside and fetch a little brandy or i foresee that you ll break down you re to be obeyed sir said mrs rising if you was to put your own lips to it i think you wouldn t be the worse for you look but poorly sir mrs returned the doctor i am not your business thank you but you are mine never you mind me if you please what you have got to do is to do as you are told and to go and get what i bid you mrs submitted and the doctor having administered her took his own he repeated the treatment every hour being very determined with mrs three or four hours passed the flies fell into the traps by hundreds and at length one little life hardly stronger than theirs appeared among the multitude of lesser deaths a very nice little girl indeed said the doctor little but well formed mrs you re looking queer you be off ma am this minute and fetch a little more brandy or we shall have you in by this time the rings had begun to fall from the s hands like leaves from a wintry tree not one was left upon them that night when he put something that into the doctor s greasy palm in the meantime mrs had been out an errand to a neighbouring establishment decorated with three golden balls where she was very well known thank you said the doctor thank you your good lady is quite composed doing i am very happy and very thankful to know it said the though i little thought once that that a child would be born to you in a place like this said the doctor sir what does it signify a little more elbow room is all we want here we are quiet here we don t get here there s no here sir to be at by and bring a man s heart into his mouth nobody comes here to ask if a man s at little home and to say he ll stand on the door mat till he is nobody writes threatening letters money to this place it s freedom sir it s freedom i have had to day s practice at home and abroad on a march and aboard ship and i ll tell you this i don t know that i have ever pursued it under such quiet circumstances as here this day elsewhere people are restless worried hurried about anxious respecting one thing anxious respecting another nothing of the kind here sir we have done all that we know the worst of it we have got to the bottom we can t fall and what have we found peace that s the word for it peace with this profession of faith the doctor who was an old and was more than usual and had the additional and unusual of money in his pocket returned to his associate and in red all tobacco dirt and brandy now the was a very different man from tile doctor but he had already begun to travel by his opposite of the circle to the same point crushed at first by his imprisonment he had soon found a dull relief in it he was under lock and key but the lock and key that kept him in kept numbers of his troubles out if he had been a man with strength of purpose to face those troubles and fight them he might have broken the net that held him or broken his heart but being what he was he languidly slipped into this smooth descent and never more took one step upward when he was relieved of the perplexed affairs that nothing would make plain through having them returned upon his hands by a dozen agents in succession who could make neither beginning middle nor end of them or him he found his miserable place of refuge a refuge than it had been before he had the long ago and his elder children now played regularly about the yard and everybody knew the baby and claimed a kind of in her why i m getting proud of you said his friend the one day you ll be the oldest soon the wouldn t be like the now without you and your family the really was proud of him he would mention him in terms to new comers when his back was turned you took notice of him he would say that went out of the lodge just now new comer would probably answer yes brought up as a gentleman he was if ever a man was ed at no end of expense went into the s house once to try a new piano for him played it i understand like one o clock beautiful as to languages speaks anything we ve had | 8 |
working dress had his wife with him and a bundle and was in high spirits god bless you sir he said in passing and you returned the father of the they were pretty far divided going their several ways when the called out i say sir and came back to him it an t much said the putting a little pile of in his hand but it s well meant the of the had never been offered tribute in copper yet his children often had and with his perfect acquiescence it had gone into the common purse to buy meat that he had eaten and drink that he had drunk but with white lime on him front to front was new how dare you he said to the man and feebly burst into tears the turned him towards the wall that his face might not be seen and the action was so delicate and the man was so penetrated with repentance and asked pardon so honestly that he could make him no less acknowledgment than i know you meant it kindly say no more bless your soul sir urged the i did indeed i d do more by you than the rest of em do i fancy what would you do he asked i d come back to see you after i was let out give me the money again said the other eagerly and i ll keep it and never spend it thank you for it thank you i shall see you again if i live a week you shall little they shook hands and parted the assembled in in the that night what had happened to their father he walked so late in the shadows of the yard and seemed so downcast chapter vii the child of the the baby whose first draught of air had been with doctor s brandy was handed down among the generations of like the tradition of their common parent in the earlier stages of her existence she was handed down in a literal and sense it being almost a part of the entrance footing of every new to nurse the child who had been born in the college by rights remarked the when she was first shown to him i ought to be her the thought of it for a minute and said perhaps you wouldn t object to really being her oh don t object replied the if you don t thus it came to pass that she was one sunday afternoon when the being relieved was off the lock and that the went up to the of saint george s church and promised and vowed and on her behalf as he himself related when he came back like a good un this invested the with a new share in the child over and above his former official one when she began to walk and talk he became fond of her bought a little arm chair and stood it by the high of the lodge fireplace liked to have her company when he was on the lock and used to bribe her with cheap toys to come and talk to him the child for her part soon grew so fond of the that she would come climbing up the lodge steps of her own accord at all hours of the day when she fell asleep in the little arm chair by the high the would cover her with his pocket handkerchief and when she sat in it dressing and a doll which soon came to be unlike on the other side of the lock and to bear a horrible family resemblance to mrs he would contemplate her from the top of his stool with exceeding gentleness witnessing these things the would express an opinion that the who was a bachelor had been cut out by nature for a family man but the thanked them and said no on the whole it was enough for him to see other people s children there at what period of her early life the little creature began to perceive that it was not the habit of all the world to live locked up in narrow yards surrounded by high walls with at the top would be a difficult question to settle but she was a very very little creature indeed when she had somehow gained the knowledge that her clasp of her father s hand was to be always loosened at the door which the great key opened and that while her own light steps were free to pass little beyond it his feet must never cross that line a pitiful and plaintive look with which she had begun to regard him when she was still extremely young was perhaps a part of this discovery with a pitiful and plaintive look for everything indeed but with something in it for only him that was like protection this child of the and child of the father of the sat by her friend the in the lodge kept the family room or wandered about the prison yard for the first eight years of her life with a pitiful and plaintive look for her sister for her idle brother for the high blank walls for the faded crowd they shut in for the games of the prison children as they and ran and played at hide and seek and made the iron bars of the inner home wistful and wondering she would sit in summer weather by the high in the lodge looking up at the sky through the barred window until bars of light would arise when she turned her eyes away between her and her friend and she would see him through a grating too thinking of the fields the said once after watching her ain t you where are they she why they re over there my dear said the with a vague flourish of his key just about there does | 8 |
anybody open them and shut them are they locked the was well he said not in general are they very pretty bob she called him bob by his own particular request and instruction lovely of flowers there s and there s and there s the hesitated being short of there s and all manner of games is it very pleasant to be there bob prime said the was father ever there hem the oh yes he was there sometimes is he sorry not to be there now n not particular said the nor any of the people she asked glancing at the crowd within are you quite sure and certain bob at this difficult point of the conversation bob gave in and changed the subject to hard always his last resource when he found his little friend getting him into a political social or corner but this was the origin of a series of sunday excursions that these two curious companions made together they used to issue from the lodge on alternate sunday with great gravity bound for some meadows or green lanes that had been appointed by the in the course of the week and there she picked grass and flowers to bring home while he smoked his pipe afterwards there were tea gardens ale and other and then they would come back hand in hand unless she was more than usually tired and had fallen asleep on his shoulder in those early days the first began profoundly to consider a question which cost him so much mental labor that it remained on the day of his death he decided to will and little his little property of to his and the point arose how could it be so tied up as that only she should have the benefit of it his experience on the lock gave him such an acute perception of the enormous difficulty of tying up money with any approach to and of the remarkable ease with which it got loose that through a series of years he regularly this point to every new agent and other professional gentleman who passed in and out supposing he would say stating the case with his key on the professional gentleman s waistcoat supposing a man wanted to leave his property to a young female and wanted to tie it up so that nobody else should ever be able to make a at it how would you tie up that property settle it strictly on herself the professional gentleman would complacently answer but look here the supposing she had say a brother say a father say a husband who would be likely to make a at that property when she came into it how about that it would be settled on herself and they would have no more legal claim on it than you would be the professional answer stop a bit said the supposing she was tender hearted and they came over her where s your law for tying it up then the deepest character whom the sounded was unable to produce his law for tying such a knot as that so the thought about it all his life and died after all but that was long afterwards when his god daughter was past sixteen the first half of that space of her life was only just accomplished when her pitiful and plaintive look saw her father a that time the protection that her wondering eyes had expressed towards him became embodied in action and the child of the took upon herself a new relation towards the father at first such a baby could do little more than sit with him her place by the high and quietly watching him but this made her so far necessary to him that he became accustomed to her and began to be sensible of missing her when she was not there through this little gate she passed out of childhood into the care laden world what her pitiful look saw at that early time in her father in her sister in her brother in the jail how much or how little of the wretched truth it pleased god to make visible to her lies hidden with many mysteries it is enough that she was inspired to be something which was not what the rest were and to be that something different and laborious for the sake of the rest inspired yes shall we speak of the inspiration of a poet or a priest and not of the heart impelled by love and self devotion to the work in the way of life with no earthly friend to help her or so much as to see her but the one so strangely with no knowledge even of the common daily tone and habits of the common members of the free community who are not shut up in born and bred in a social condition false even with a reference to the condition outside the walls drinking from infancy of a well whose waters had their own peculiar stain their own b little and unnatural taste the child of the began her womanly life no matter through what mistakes and what ridicule not meant but deeply felt of her youth and little figure what humble consciousness of her own and want of strength even in the matter of lifting and carrying through how much weariness and and how many secret tears she on until recognised as useful even indispensable that time came she took the place of eldest of the three in all things but was the head of the fallen family and bore in her own heart its anxieties and at thirteen she could read and keep accounts that is could put down in words and figures how much the bare necessaries that they wanted would cost and how much less they had to buy them with she had been by of a few weeks at a | 8 |
time to an evening school outside and got her sister and brother sent to day schools by starts during three or four years there was no instruction for any of them at home but she knew well no one better that a man so broken as to be the father of the could be no father to his own children to these scanty means of improvement she added another of her own once among the crowd of inmates there appeared a dancing master her sister had a great desire to learn the dancing master s art and seemed to have a taste that way at thirteen years old the child of the presented herself to the with a little bag in her hand and preferred her humble petition if you please i was born here sir oh you are the young lady are you said the dancing master surveying the small figure and uplifted face yes sir and what can i do for you said the dancing master nothing for me sir thank you anxiously the strings of the little bag but if while you stay here you could be so kind as to teach my sister cheap my child i ll teach her for nothing said the dancing master shutting up the bag he was as good natured a dancing master as ever danced to the court and he kept his word the sister was so apt a pupil and the dancing master had such abundant leisure to bestow upon her for it took him a matter of ten weeks to set to his lead turn the and right and left back to his professional pursuits that wonderful progress was made indeed the dancing master was so proud of it and so to display it before he left to a few select friends among the that at six o clock on a certain fine morning a de la came off in the yard the being of too confined proportions for the purpose in which so much ground was covered and the steps were so executed that the dancing master having to play the besides was thoroughly blown the success of this beginning which led to the dancing master s continuing his instruction after his release the poor child to try again she watched and waited months for a in the fulness of time a came in and to her she repaired on her own behalf i beg your pardon ma am she said looking timidly round the door little of the whom she found in tears and in bed but i was born here everybody seemed to hear of her as soon as they arrived for the sat up in bed drying her eyes and said just as the had said oh you are the child are you yes ma am i am sorry i haven t got anything for you said the shaking her head it s not that ma am if you please i want to learn why should you do that returned the with me before you it has not done me much good nothing whatever it is seems to have done anybody much good who comes here she returned in all simplicity but i want to learn just the same i am afraid you are so weak you see the objected i don t think i am weak ma am and you are so very very little you see the objected yes i am afraid i am very little indeed returned the child of the and so began to sob over that unfortunate defect of hers which came so often in her way the who was not or hard hearted only newly was touched took her in hand with good will found her the most patient and earnest of pupils and made her a cunning in course of time in course of time and in the very self same course of time the father of the gradually developed a new flower of character the more he grew as to the and the more he became on the of his changing family the greater stand he made by his forlorn with the same hand that had a s half crown half an hour ago he would wipe away the tears that streamed over his cheeks if any reference were made to his daughters earning their bread so over and above her other daily cares the child of the had always upon her the care of preserving the genteel fiction that they were all idle beggars together the sister became a there was a ruined uncle in the family group ruined by his brother the father of the and knowing no more how than his did but accepting the fact as an inevitable certainty on whom her protection naturally a retired and simple man he had shown no particular sense of being ruined at the time when that calamity fell upon him further than that he left off washing himself when the shock was announced and never took to that luxury any more he had been a very indifferent musical amateur in his better days and when he fell with his brother resorted for support to playing a as dirty as himself in a small theatre it was the theatre in which his niece became a he had been a there a long time when she took her poor station in it and he accepted the task of serving as her escort and guardian just as he would have accepted an illness a a feast starvation anything but soap to enable this girl to earn her few weekly shillings it was necessary for the child of the to go through an elaborate form with the father little d t is not going to live with us just now father she will be here a good deal in the day but she is going to live | 8 |
outside with uncle you surprise me why i think uncle wants a companion father he should be attended to and looked after a companion he passes much of his time here and you attend to him and look after him a great deal more than ever your sister will you all go out so much you all go out so much this was to keep up the ceremony and pretence of his having no idea that herself went out by the day to work but we are always very glad to come home father now are we not and as to perhaps besides keeping uncle company and taking care of him it may be as well for her not quite to live here always she was not born here as i was you know father well well i don t quite follow you but it s natural i suppose that should prefer to be outside and even that you often should too so you and and your uncle my dear shall have your own way good good i ll not don t mind me to get her brother out of the prison out of the succession to mrs in and out of the with very doubtful companions consequent upon both was her hardest task at eighteen he would have dragged on from hand to mouth from hour to hour from penny to penny until eighty nobody got into the prison from whom he derived anything useful or good and she could find no patron for him but her old friend and god father dear bob said she what is to become of poor tip his name was edward and ted had been transformed into tip within the walls the had strong private opinions as to what would become of poor tip and had even gone so far with the view of their fulfilment as to sound tip in reference to the of running away and going to serve his country but tip had thanked him and said he didn t seem to care for his country well my dear said the something ought to be done with him suppose i try and get him into the law that would be so good of you bob the had now two points to put to the professional gentlemen as they passed in and out he put this second one so that a stool and twelve shillings a week were at last found for tip in the office of an attorney in a great national called the palace court at that time one of a considerable list of everlasting to the dignity and safety of whose places know them no more tip in s inn for six months and at the of that term sauntered back one evening with his hands in his pockets and incidentally observed to his sister that he was not going back again not going back again said the poor little anxious child of the always calculating and planning for tip in the front rank of her charges i am so tired of it said tip that i have cut it tip tired of everything with intervals of lounging and mrs succession his small second mother aided by her friend got him into a into a market garden into the hop little trade into the law again into an s into a into a s into the law again into a coach office into a office into the law again into a general dealer s into a into the law again into a wool house into a dry goods house into the trade into the foreign fruit trade and into the but whatever tip went into he came out of tired announcing that he had cut it wherever he went this tip appeared to take the prison walls with him and to set them up in such trade or calling and to about within their narrow limits in the old slip shod down at heel way until the real walls asserted their fascination over him and brought him back nevertheless the brave little creature did so fix her heart on her brother s rescue that while he was ringing out these changes she pinched and scraped enough together to ship him for canada when he was tired of nothing to do and disposed in its turn to cut even that he graciously consented to go to canada and there was grief in her bosom over parting with him and joy in the hope of his being put in a straight course at last god bless you dear tip don t be too proud to come and see us when you have made your fortune all right said tip and went but not all the way to canada in fact not further than liverpool after making the voyage to that port from london he found himself so strongly impelled to cut the vessel that he resolved to walk back again carrying out which intention he presented himself before her at the of a month in rags without shoes and much more tired than ever at length after another interval of to mrs he found a pursuit for himself and announced it i have got a situation have you really and truly tip all right i shall do now you needn t look anxious about me any more old girl what is it tip why you know by sight not the man they call the dealer that s the chap he ll be out on monday and he s going to give me a berth what is he a dealer in tip horses all right i shall do now she lost sight of him for months afterwards and only heard from him once a whisper passed among the elder that he had been seen at a mock in pretending to buy articles for massive silver and paying for them with the greatest liberality in bank notes but it never reached her | 8 |
ears one evening she was alone at work standing up at the window to save the twilight lingering above the wall when he opened the door and walked in she kissed and welcomed him but was afraid to ask him any question he saw how anxious and timid she was and appeared sorry i am afraid you ll be vexed this time upon my life i am little i am very sorry to hear you say so tip have you come back yes not expecting this time that what you had found would answer very well i am less surprised and sorry than i might have been tip ah but that s not the worst of it not the worst of it don t look so startled no not the worst of it i have come back you see but don t look so startled i have come back in what i may call a new way i am off the list altogether i am in now as one of the oh don t say you are a prisoner tip don t don t well i don t want to say it he returned in a reluctant tone but if you can t understand me without my saying it what am i to do i am in for forty pound odd for the first time in all those years she sunk under her cares she cried with her clasped hands lifted above her head that it would kill their father if he ever knew it and fell down at tip s f et it was easier for tip to bring her to her senses than for her to bring mm to understand that the father of the would be beside himself if he knew the truth the thing was incomprehensible to tip and altogether a fanciful notion he yielded to it in that light only when he submitted to her entreaties backed by those of his uncle and sister there was no want of precedent for his return it was accounted for to the father in the usual way and the with a better comprehension of the pious fraud than tip supported it this was the life and this the history of the child of the at twenty two with a still attachment to the one miserable yard and block of houses as her and home she passed to and fro in it now with a womanly consciousness that she was pointed out to every one since she had begun to work beyond the walls she had found it necessary to conceal where she lived and to come and go as secretly as she could between the free city and the iron gates outside of which she had never slept in her life her original timidity had grown with this concealment and her light step and her little figure the thronged streets while they passed along them worldly wise in hard and poor necessities she was innocent in all things else innocent in the mist through which she saw her father and the prison and the living river that flowed through it and flowed on this was the life and this the history of little now going home upon a dull september evening observed at a distance by arthur this was the life and this the history of little turning at the end of london bridge it going back again passing on to saint george s church turning back suddenly once more and flitting in at the open outer gate and little of the little chapter viii the lock stood in the street waiting to ask some by what place that was he suffered a few people to pass him in whose faces there was no encouragement to make the inquiry and still stood pausing in the street when an old man came up and turned into the court yard he stooped a good deal and along in a slow manner which made the bustling london no very safe resort for him he was and dressed in a coat once blue reaching to his ankles and to his chin where it vanished in the pale ghost of a velvet collar a piece of red cloth with which that phantom had been in its lifetime was now laid bare and itself up at the back of the old man s neck into a confusion of grey hair and rusty stock and which altogether nearly his hat off a greasy hat it was and a impending over his eyes cracked and at the brim and with a of pocket handkerchief dangling out below it his were so long and loose and his shoes so clumsy and large that he like an elephant though how much of this was gait and how much trailing cloth and leather no one could have told under one arm he carried a limp and worn out case containing some wind instrument in the same hand he had a of snuff in a little packet of brown paper from which he slowly comforted his poor old blue nose with a lengthened out pinch as arthur looked at him to this old man crossing the court yard he preferred his inquiry touching him on the shoulder the old man stopped and looked round with the expression in his weak grey eyes of one whose thoughts had been far off and who was a little dull of hearing also pray sir said arthur repeating his question what is this place ay this place returned the old man staying his pinch of snuff on its road and pointing at the place without looking at it this is the sir the prison sir said the old man with the air of it not quite necessary to insist upon that the prison he turned himself about and went on i beg your pardon said arthur stopping him once more but will you allow me to ask you another question | 8 |
can any one go in here any one can go in replied the old man plainly adding by the significance of his emphasis but it is not every one who can go out pardon me once more are you familiar with the place sir returned the old man his little packet of snuff in his hand and turning upon his as if such questions hurt him i am little i beg you to excuse me i am not curious but have a good object do you know the name of here my name sir replied the old man most unexpectedly is arthur pulled off his hat to him grant me the favour of half a dozen words i was wholly unprepared for your announcement and hope that assurance is my sufficient apology for having taken the liberty of addressing you i have recently come home to england after a long absence i have seen at my mother s mrs in the city a young woman working at her needle whom i have only heard addressed or spoken of as little i have felt sincerely interested in her and have had a great desire to know something more about her i saw her not a minute before you came up pass in at that door the old man looked at him attentively are you a sailor sir he asked he seemed a little disappointed by the shake of the head that replied to him not a sailor i judged from your face that you might be are you in earnest sir i do assure you that i am and do entreat you to believe that i am in plain earnest i know very little of the world sir returned the other who had a weak and voice lam merely passing on like the shadow over the sun dial it would be worth no man s while to me it would really be too easy too poor a success to yield any satisfaction the young woman whom you saw go in here is my brother s child my brother is william i am you say you have seen her at your mother s i know your mother her you have felt an interest in her and you wish to know what she does here come and see he went on again and arthur accompanied him my brother said the old man pausing on the step and slowly facing round again has been here many years and much that happens even among ourselves out of doors is kept from him for reasons that i needn t enter upon now be so good as to say nothing of my niece s working at her needle be so good as to say nothing that goes beyond what is said among us if you keep within our bounds you cannot well be wrong now come and see arthur followed him down a narrow entry at the end of which a key was turned and a strong door was opened from within it admitted them into a lodge or across which they passed and so through another door and a grating into the prison the old man always on before turned round in his slow stiff stooping manner when they came to the on duty as if to present his companion the nodded and the companion passed in without being asked whom he wanted the night was dark and the prison lamps in the yard and the candles in the prison windows faintly shining behind many sorts of old curtain and blind had not the air of making it lighter a few people about but the greater part of the population was within doors the old man taking the right hand side of the yard turned in at the third or fourth doorway and began to ascend the stairs they are rather dark sir but you will not find anything in the way he paused for a moment before opening a door on the second story little he had no sooner turned the handle than the visitor saw and saw the reason of her setting so much store by dining alone she had brought the meat home that she should have eaten herself and was already warming it on a over the fire for her father clad in an old grey gown and a black cap awaiting his supper at the table a clean cloth was spread before him with knife fork and spoon salt cellar box glass and ale pot such as his particular little of and his of in a were not wanting she started coloured deeply and turned white the visitor more with his eyes than by the slight impulsive motion of his hand entreated her to be reassured and to trust him i found this gentleman said the uncle mr william son of s friend at the outer gate as he was going by of paying his respects but hesitating whether to come in or not this is my brother william sir i hope said arthur very doubtful what to say that my respect for your daughter may explain and justify my desire to be presented to you sir mr returned the other rising taking his cap off in the flat of his hand and so holding it ready to put on again you do me honor you are welcome sir with a low bow a chair pray sit down mr he put his black cap on again as he had taken it off and resumed his own seat there was a wonderful air of and patronage in his manner these were the ceremonies with which he received the you are welcome to the sir i have welcomed many gentlemen to these walls perhaps you are aware my daughter may have mentioned that i am the father of this place i so i have understood said arthur dashing at the assertion you know i dare | 8 |
come to say good night but there is plenty of time plenty of time girls mr will excuse any household business you may have together he knows i dare say that i have but one room here i only want my clean dress from father said the second girl and i my clothes said tip opened a drawer in an old piece of furniture that was a chest of drawers above and a below and produced two little bundles which she handed to her brother and sister mended and made up heard the sister ask in a whisper to which answered yes he had risen now and took the opportunity of glancing round the room the bare walls had been colored green evidently by an hand and were poorly decorated with a few prints the window was and the floor and there were shelves and and other such that had accumulated in the course of years it was a close confined room poorly furnished and the chimney smoked to boot or the tin screen at the top of the fireplace was superfluous but constant pains and care had made it neat and even after its kind comfortable all the while the bell was ringing and the uncle was anxious to go come come he said with his ragged case under his arm the lock child the lock bade her father good night and off tip had already down stairs now mr said the uncle looking back as he out after them the lock sir the lock mr had two things to do before he followed one to offer his to the father of the without giving pain to his child the other to say something to that child though it were but a word in explanation of his having come there allow me said the father to see you down stairs she had slipped out after the rest and they were alone not on any account said the visitor hurriedly pray allow me to mr said the father i am deeply deeply but his visitor had shut up his hand to stop the and had gone down stairs with great speed he saw no little on his way down or in the yard the last two or three were hurrying to the lodge and he was following little when he caught sight of her in the doorway of the first house from the entrance he turned back hastily pray forgive me he said for speaking to you here pray forgive me for coming here at all i followed you to night i did so that i might endeavour to render you and your family some service you know the terms on which i and my mother are and may not be surprised that i have preserved our distant relations at her house lest i should make her jealous or or do you any injury in her estimation what i have seen here in this short time has greatly increased my wish to be a friend to you it would me for much disappointment if i could hope to gain your confidence she was scared at first but seemed to take courage while he spoke to her you are very good sir you speak very earnestly to me but i but i wish you had not watched me he understood the emotion with which she said it to arise in her father s behalf and he respected it and was silent mrs has been of great service to me i don t know what we should have done without the employment she has given me i am afraid it may not be a good return to become secret with her i can say no more to night sir i am sure you mean to be kind to us thank you thank you let me ask you one question before i leave have you known my mother long i think two years sir the bell has stopped how did you know her first did she send here for you no she does not even know that i live here we have a friend father and i a poor laboring man but the best of friends and i wrote out that i wished to do and gave his address and he got what i wrote out displayed at a few places where it cost nothing and mrs found me that way and sent for me the gate will be locked sir she was so tremulous and agitated and he was so moved by compassion for her and by deep interest in her story as it dawned upon him that he could scarcely tear himself away but the of the bell and the quiet in the prison were a warning to depart and with a few hurried words of kindness he left her gliding back to her father but he had remained too late the inner gate was locked and the lodge closed after a little fruitless knocking with his hand he was standing there with the disagreeable conviction upon him that he had to get through the night when a voice him from behind caught eh said the voice you won t go home till morning oh it s you is it mr the voice was tip s and they stood looking at one another in the prison yard as it began to rain you ve done it observed tip you must be than that next time but you are locked in too said arthur i believe lam said tip about but not in your way i belong to the shop only my sister has a theory that our governor must never know it i don t see why myself can i get any shelter asked arthur what had i better do little we had better get hold of first of all said tip referring any difficulty to her as a matter of course i would | 8 |
rather walk about all night it s not much to do than give that trouble you needn t do that if you don t mind paying for a bed if you don t mind paying they ll make you up one on the table under the circumstances if you ll come along i ll introduce you there as they passed down the yard arthur looked up at the window of the room he had lately left where the light was still burning yes sir said tip following his glance that s the governor s she ll sit with him for another hour reading yesterday s paper to him or something of that sort and then she ll come out like a little ghost and vanish away without a sound i don t understand you the governor sleeps up in the room and she has a lodging at the s first house there said tip pointing out the doorway into which she had retired first house sky parlor she pays twice as much for it as she would for one twice as good outside but she stands by the governor poor dear girl day and night this brought them to the tavern establishment at the upper end of the prison where the had just their social evening club the apartment on the ground floor in which it was held was the in question the of the the pots glasses pipes tobacco ashes and general flavor of members were still as that institution had left them on its the had two of the qualities held to be essential to for ladies in respect that it was hot and strong but in the third point of requiring plenty of it the was being but a up apartment the visitor from outside naturally assumed everybody here to be prisoners landlord waiter and all whether they were or not did not appear but they all had a look the keeper of a s shop in a front parlor who took in gentlemen lent his assistance in making the bed he had been a tailor in his time and had kept a he said he boasted that he stood up for the interests of the college and he had and ideas that the a fund which ought to come to the he liked to believe this and always impressed the shadowy grievance on new comers and strangers though he could not for his life have explained what fund he meant or how the notion had got rooted in his soul he had fully convinced himself notwithstanding that his own proper share of the fund was three and a week and that in this amount he as an individual was by the regularly every monday apparently he helped to make the bed that he might not lose an opportunity of stating this case after which of his mind and after announcing as it seemed he always did without anything coming of it that he was going to write a letter to the papers and show the up he fell into miscellaneous conversation with the rest it was evident from the general tone of the whole party that they had come to regard as the normal state of mankind and the payment of debts as a disease that occasionally broke out little in this strange scene and with these strange flitting about him arthur looked on at the preparations as if they were part of a dream which the long tip with an awful enjoyment of the s resources pointed out the common kitchen fire maintained by of the for hot water supported in like manner and other premises generally tending to the that the way to be healthy wealthy and wise was to come to the the two tables put together in a corner were at length converted into a very fair bed and the stranger was left to the chairs the the atmosphere pipe lights and repose but the last item was long long long in itself to the rest the novelty of the place the coming upon it without preparation the sense of being locked up the remembrance of that room up stairs of the two brothers and above all of the retiring childish form and the face in which he now saw years of insufficient food if not of want kept him waking and unhappy speculations too bearing the strangest relations towards the prison but always concerning the prison ran like through his mind while he lay awake whether were kept ready for people who might die there where they were kept how they were kept where people who died in the prison were buried how they were taken out what forms were observed whether an could arrest the dead as to escaping what chances there were of escape whether a prisoner could scale the walls with a cord and how he would descend upon the other side whether he could alight on a steal down a staircase let himself out at a door and get lost in the crowd as to in the prison if one were to break out while he lay there and these involuntary starts of fancy were after all but the setting of a picture in which three people kept before him his father with the look with which he had died darkened forth in the portrait his mother with her arm up off his suspicion little with her hand on the degraded arm and her drooping head turned away what if his mother had an old reason she well knew for softening to this poor girl what if the prisoner now sleeping quietly heaven grant it by the light of the great day of judgment should trace back his fall to her what if any act of hers and of his father s should have even brought the grey heads of those two brothers so low a swift thought shot into his mind | 8 |
in that long imprisonment here and in her own long confinement to her room did his mother find a balance to be struck i admit that i was to that man s i have suffered for it in kind he has decayed in his prison i in mine i have paid the penalty when all the other thoughts had faded out this one held possession of him when he fell asleep she came before him in her wheeled chair him off with this justification when he awoke and sprang up frightened the words were in his ears as if her voice had slowly spoken them at his pillow to break his rest he away in his prison i away in mine inexorable justice is done what do i owe on this score little d r it chapter ix little mother the morning light was in no hurry to climb the prison wall and look in at the windows and when it did come it would have been more welcome if it had come alone instead of bringing a rush of rain with it but the were blowing out at sea and the impartial south west wind in its flight would not neglect even the narrow while it roared through the of saint george s church and all the in the neighbourhood a to beat the south smoke into the jail and plunging down the chimneys of the few early who were yet lighting their fires half them arthur would have been little disposed to linger in bed though his bed had been in a more private situation and less affected by the out of yesterday s fire the of to day s under the the filling of that vessel at the pump the sweeping and of the common room and other such preparations heartily glad to sec the morning though little rested by the night he turned out as soon as he could distinguish objects about him and paced the yard for two heavy hours before the gate was opened the walls so near to one another and the wild clouds hurried over them so fast that it gave him a sensation like the beginning of to look up at the sky the rain carried by of blackened that side of the central building which he had visited last night but left a narrow dry under the lee of the avail he walked up and down among avail s of and dust and paper the of the pump and the stray leaves of yesterday s it as haggard a of life as a man need look upon nor it relieved by any glimpse of the little creature a io had brought him there perhaps she glided out of her doorway and in at that where her father lived while his face was turned from both but he nothing of her it too early for her brother to have seen him once to have seen enough of him to that he be to leave aa r bed he occupied at night so as arthur up and down for the gate to open he cast about in his mind for future rather than for present means of pursuing his cries at last the lodge gate turned and the standing on the step taking an early comb at his hair ready to let him out with a joyful sense of release he passed through the lodge and found himself again in the little outer aa r here he had spoken to the brother last night there a string of people already straggling in a r it was not difficult to identify as the messengers go r and errand of the place some of them had been lounging in the rain until the gate should open others who had timed their arrival aa r ith little greater were coming up now and passing in with damp paper bags from the of bread of butter eggs milk and the like the of these attendants upon the poverty of these upon was a sight to see such coats and trousers such gowns and such hats and such boots and shoes such and walking sticks never were seen in rag fair all of them wore the clothes of other men and women were made up of patches and pieces of other people s individuality and had no existence of their own proper their walk was the walk of a race apart they had a peculiar way of round the corner as if they were going to the when they they like people accustomed to be forgotten on door steps and in passages waiting for answers to letters in faded ink which gave the of those great mental disturbance and no satisfaction as they eyed the stranger in passing they eyed him with eyes hungry sharp as to his softness if they were to him and the of his standing something handsome on commission stooped in their high shoulders in their unsteady legs and pinned and and dragged their clothes their button holes out of their figures in dirty little ends of and issued from their mouths in as these people passed him standing still in the and one of them turned back to if he could assist him with his services it came into arthur s mind that he would speak to again before he went away she would have recovered her first surprise and might feel easier with him he asked this member of the who had two red in his hand and a loaf and a brush under his arm where was the nearest place to get a cup of coffee at the replied in encouraging terms and brought him to a coffee shop in the street within a stone s throw do you know miss asked the new the knew two miss one who was born inside that was the one that was the one the had known her many years in | 8 |
regard of the other miss the lodged in the same house with herself and uncle this changed the s half formed design of remaining at the coffee shop until the should bring him word that had issued forth into the street he the with a confidential message to her that the visitor who had waited on her father last night begged the favor of a few words with her at her uncle s lodging he obtained from the same source full directions to the house which was very near dismissed the gratified with half a crown and having hastily refreshed himself at the repaired with all speed to the player s dwelling there were so many in this house that the door post seemed to be as full of bell handles as a cathedral organ is of stops doubtful which might be the stop he was considering the point when a flew out of the parlor window and alighted on his hat he then observed that in the parlor window was a blind with the inscription mr s academy also in another line evening little and behind the blind was a little white faced boy with a of bread and butter and a the window being accessible from the he looked in over the blind returned the and put his question said the little white faced boy master in fact mr third bell and one knock the pupils of mr appeared to have been making a of the street door it was so over in pencil the of the old and dirty dick in combination suggested intentions of personality on the part of mr s pupils there was ample time to make these observations before the door was opened by the poor old man himself ha said he very slowly remembering arthur you were shut in last night yes mr i hope to meet your niece here presently oh said he pondering out of my brother s way true would you come up stairs and wait for her thank you turning himself as slowly as he turned in his mind whatever he heard or said he led the way up the narrow stairs the house was very close and had an smell the little staircase windows looked in at the back windows of other houses as as itself with poles and lines thrust out of them on which linen hung as if the inhabitants were for clothes and had had some wretched not worth attending to in the back garret a sickly room with a turn up in it so hastily and recently turned up that the blankets were boiling over as it were and keeping the lid open a half finished breakfast of coffee and toast for two persons was down anyhow on a table there was no one there the old man to himself after some consideration that had run away went to the next room to fetch her back the visitor observing that she held the door on the inside and that when the uncle tried to open it there was a sharp of don t stupid and an appearance of loose and flannel concluded that the young lady was in an the uncle without appearing to come to any conclusion in again sat down in his chair and began warming his hands at the fire n ot that it was cold or that he had any waking idea whether it was or not what did you think of my brother sir he asked when he bye and bye discovered what he was doing left off reached over to the chimney piece and took his case down i was glad said arthur very much at a loss for his thoughts were on the brother before him to find him so well and cheerful ha muttered the old man yes yes yes yes yes arthur wondered what he could possibly want with the case he did not want it at all he discovered in due time that it was not the little paper of snuff which was also on the chimney piece put it back again took down the snuff instead and himself with a pinch he was as feeble spare and slow in his as in everything else but a certain little of enjoyment of them played is the poor worn nerves about the corners of his eyes and mouth f little mr what do you think of her lam much impressed mr by all that i have seen of her and thought of her my brother would have been quite lost without he returned we should all have been lost without she is a very good girl she does her duty arthur fancied that he heard in these praises a certain tone of custom which he had heard from the father last night with an inward protest and feeling of it was not that they her praises or were insensible to what she did for them but that they were lazily to her as they were to all the rest of their condition he fancied that although they had before them every day the means of comparison between her and one another and themselves they regarded her as being in her necessary place as holding a position towards them all which belonged to her like her name or her age he fancied that they viewed her not as having risen away from the prison atmosphere but as to it as being vaguely what they had a right to expect and nothing more her uncle resumed his breakfast and was toast in coffee of his guest when the third bell rang that was he said and went down to let her in leaving the visitor with as vivid a picture on his mind of his hands dirt worn face and decayed figure as if he were still drooping in his chair she came up after him in the usual plain dress and with the usual | 8 |
timid manner her lips were a little parted as if her heart beat faster than usual mr said her uncle has been expecting you some time i took the liberty of sending you a message i received the message sir are you going to my mother s this morning i think not for it is past your usual hour not to day sir i am not wanted to day will you allow me to walk a little way in whatever direction you may be going i can then speak to you as we walk both without you here and without longer here myself she looked embarrassed but said if he pleased he made a pretence of having his walking stick to give her time to set the right to answer her sister s impatient knock at the wall and to say a word softly to her uncle then he found it and they went down stairs she first he following the uncle standing at the stair head and probably forgetting them before they had reached the ground floor mr s pupils who were by this time coming to school from their morning of one another with bags and books to stare with all the eyes they had at a stranger who had been to see dirty dick they bore the trying spectacle in silence until the mysterious visitor was at a safe distance when they burst into pebbles and and likewise into dances and in all respects buried the pipe of peace so many savage ceremonies that if mr had been the chief of the tribe with his war paint on they could scarcely have done greater justice to their education little g in the midst of this homage mr arthur offered his arm to little and little took it will yon go by the iron bridge said he where there is an escape from the noise of the street little answered if he pleased and presently ventured to hope that he would not mind mr s boys for she had herself received her education such as it was in mr s evening academy he returned with the best will in the world that mr s boys were forgiven out of the bottom of his soul thus did unconsciously become a master of the ceremonies between them and bring them more naturally together than beau might have done if they had lived in his golden days and he had alighted from his coach and six for the purpose the morning remained and the streets were miserably muddy but no rain fell as they walked towards the iron bridge the little creature seemed so young in his eyes that there were moments when he found himself thinking of her if not speaking to her as if she were a child perhaps he seemed as old in her eyes as she seemed young in his i am to hear you were so last night sir as to be locked in it was very unfortunate it was nothing he returned he had had a very good bed oh yes she said quickly she believed there were excellent beds at the coffee house he noticed that the coffee house was quite a majestic hotel to her and that she its reputation i believe it is very expensive said little but my father has told me that quite beautiful dinners may be got there and wine she added timidly were you ever there oh no only into the kitchen to fetch hot water to think of growing up with a kind of awe upon one as to the luxuries of that superb establishment the hotel i asked you last night said how you had become acquainted with my mother did you ever hear her name before she sent for vou no sir do you think your father ever did no sir he met her eyes raised to his with so much wonder in them she was scared when that encounter took place and shrunk away again that he felt it necessary to say i have a reason for asking which i cannot veiy well explain but you must on no account suppose it to be of a nature to cause you the least alarm or anxiety quite the reverse and you think that at no time of your father s life was my name of ever familiar to him no sir he felt from the tone in which she spoke that she was glancing up at him with those parted lips therefore he looked before him rather than make her heart beat quicker still by embarrassing her afresh thus they emerged upon the iron bridge which was as quiet after the roaring streets as though it had been open country the wind blew roughly the wet came rattling past them the little ut pools on the road and pavement and them down into the river the clouds on furiously in the lead colored sky the smoke and mist after them the dark tide ran fierce and strong in the same direction little seemed the least the and of heaven s creatures let me put you in a coach said arthur very nearly adding my poor child she hurriedly declined saying that wet or dry made little difference to her she was used to go about in all he knew it to be so and was touched with more pity thinking of the slight figure at his side making its nightly way through the damp dark boisterous streets to such a place of rest you spoke so to me last night sir and i found afterwards that you had been so generous to my father that i could not resist your message if it was only to thank you especially as i wished very much to say to you she hesitated and trembled and tears rose in her eyes but did not fall to say that i hope you will not my father don t | 8 |
judge him sir as you would judge others outside the gates he has been there so long i never saw him outside but i can understand that he must have grown different in some things since my thoughts will never be unjust or harsh towards him believe me not she said with a air as the evidently crept upon her that she might seem to be him not that he has anything to be ashamed of for himself or that i have anything to be ashamed of for him he only requires to be understood i only ask for him that his life may be fairly remembered all that he said was quite true it all happened just as he related it he is very much respected everybody who comes in is glad to know him he is more than any one else he is far more thought of than the is if ever pride were innocent it was innocent in little when she grew of her father it is often said that his manners are a true gentleman s and quite a study i see none like them in that place but he is admitted to be superior to all the rest this is quite as much why they make him presents as because they know him to be he is not to be blamed for being in need poor love who could be in prison a quarter of a century and be prosperous what affection in her words what compassion in her repressed tears what a great soul of fidelity within her how true the light that shed false brightness round him if i have found it best to conceal where my home is it is not because i am ashamed of him god forbid nor am i so much ashamed of the place itself as might be supposed people are not bad because they come there i have known numbers of good honest people come there through misfortune they are almost all kind hearted to one another and it would be ungrateful indeed in me to forget that i have had many quiet comfortable hours there that i had an excellent friend there when i was quite a baby who was very little fond of me that i have been taught there and have worked there and have slept soundly there i think it would be almost cowardly and cruel not to have some little attachment for it after all this she had relieved the faithful fulness of her heart and modestly said raising her eyes to her new friend s i did not mean to say so much nor have i ever but once spoken about this before but it seems to set it more right than it was last night i said i wished you had not followed me sir i don t wish it so much now unless you should think indeed i don t wish it at all unless i should have spoken so that that you can scarcely understand me which i am afraid may be the case he told her with perfect truth that it was not the case and putting himself between her and the sharp wind and rain sheltered her as well as he could i feel permitted now he said to ask you a little more concerning your father has he many oh a great number i mean who keep him where he is oh yes a great number can you tell me i can get the information no doubt elsewhere if you cannot who is the most influential of them said after considering a little that she used to hear long ago of mr i as a man of great power he was a or a board or a or something he lived in square she thought or very near it he was under government high in the office she appeared to have acquired in her infancy some awful impression of the might of this formidable mr of square or very near it and the office which quite crushed her when she mentioned him it can do no harm thought arthur if i see this mr the thought did not present itself so quietly but that her quickness it ah said little shaking her head with the mild despair of a lifetime many people used to think once of getting my poor father out but you don t know how hopeless it is she forgot to be shy at the moment in honestly warning him away from the sunken wreck he had a dream of raising and looked at him with eyes which assuredly in association with her patient face her fragile figure her spare dress and the wind and rain did not turn him from his purpose of helping her i even if it could be done said she and it never can be done now where could father live or how could he live i have often thought that if such a change could come it might be anything but a service to him now people might not think so well of him outside as they do there he might not be so gently dealt with outside as he is there he might not be so fit himself for the life outside as he is for that here for the first time she could not restrain her tears from falling and the little thin hands he had watched when they were so busy trembled as they clasped each other it would be a new distress to him even to know that i earn a little little money and that a little money he is so anxious about us you see feeling helplessly shut up there such a good good father he let the little of feeling go by before he spoke it was soon gone she was not accustomed to think of herself or to trouble any one | 8 |
with her emotions he had but glanced away at the piles of city roofs and chimneys among which the smoke was rolling heavily and at the wilderness of on the river and the wilderness of on the shore mixed together in the stormy haze when she was again as quiet as if she had been her needle in his mother s room you would be glad to have your brother set at liberty oh very very glad sir well we will hope for him at least you told me last night of a friend you had his name was little said and where did live lived in bleeding heart yard he was only a little said as a caution to him not to form high social expectations of he lived at the last house in bleeding heart yard and his name was over a little arthur took down the address and gave her his he had now done all he sought to do for the present except that he wished to leave her with a reliance upon him and to have something like a promise from her that she would cherish it there is one friend he said putting up his pocket book as i take you back you are going back oh yes going straight home as i take you back the word home upon him let me ask you to persuade yourself that you have another friend i make no professions and say no more you are truly kind to me sir i am sure i need no more they walked back through the miserable muddy streets and among the poor mean shops and were by the crowds of dirty usual to a poor neighbourhood there was nothing by the short way that was pleasant to any of the five senses yet it was not a common passage through common rain and mire and noise to having this little slender careful creature on his arm how young she seemed to him or how old he to her or what a secret either to the other in that beginning of the destined of their stories matters not here he thought of her having been born and bred among these scenes and shrinking through them now familiar yet he thought of her long acquaintance with the needs of life and of her innocence of her old solicitude for others and her few years and her childish aspect they were come into the high street where the prison stood when a voice cried little mother little mother stopping and an excited figure of a strange kind against them still crying little mother fell down and scattered the contents of a large basket filled with potatoes in the mud oh said don it what a clumsy child you are was not hurt but picked herself up immediately and then ai c z x little began to pick up the potatoes in which both and arthur helped picked up very few potatoes and a great quantity of mud but they were all recovered and deposited in the basket then her muddy face with her shawl and presenting it to mr as a type of purity enabled him to see what she was like she was about eight and twenty with large bones large features large feet and hands large eyes and no hair her large eyes were and almost they seemed to be very little affected by light and to stand still there was also that attentive listening expression in her face which is seen in the of the blind but she was not blind having one tolerably serviceable eye her face was not exceedingly ugly though it was only from being so by a smile a good humoured smile and pleasant in itself but rendered pitiable by being constantly there a great white cap with a quantity of that was always about for s and made it so very difficult for her old black bonnet to retain its place upon her head that it held on round her neck like a s baby a commission of could alone have reported what the rest of her poor dress was made of but it had a strong general resemblance to sea weed with here and there a gigantic tea leaf her shawl looked particularly like a tea leaf after long arthur looked at with the expression of one saying may i ask who this is whose hand this still calling her little mother had begun to answered in words they were under a into which the majority of the potatoes had rolled this is sir sir echoed the personage presented little mother she is the grand daughter said grand daughter echoed of my old nurse who has been dead a long time how old are you ten mother said you can t think how good she is sir said with infinite tenderness good she is echoed the in a most expressive way from herself to her little mother or how clever said she goes on errands as well as any one laughed and is as as the bank of england laughed she her own living entirely entirely sir said in a lower and triumphant tone really does what is her history asked think of that said taking her two large hands and clapping them together a gentleman from thousands of miles away wanting to know your history my history cried little mother she means me said rather confused she is very much attached to me her old grandmother was not so kind to her as she should have been was she shook her head made a drinking vessel of her clenched left little hand drank ont of it and said gin then beat an imaginary child and said handles and when was ten years old said watching her face while she spoke she had a had fever sir and she has never grown any older ever since ten years old said nodding | 8 |
waiting room and a fire proof passage where the department seemed to keep its wind on this occasion mr was not engaged as he had been before with the noble at the head of the department but was junior however was announced as a lesser star yet visible above the office horizon with junior he signified his desire to confer and found little d r ut that young gentleman the of his legs at the parental fire and supporting his against the mantel shelf it was a comfortable room handsomely furnished in the higher official manner and presenting stately suggestions of the absent in the thick carpet the leather covered desk to sit at the leather covered desk to stand at the formidable easy chair and hearth rug the interposed screen the torn up papers the boxes with little sticking out of them like medicine bottles or dead game the smell of leather and mahogany and a general air of how not to do it the present holding mr s card in his hand had a youthful aspect and the little perhaps that ever was seen such a tip was on his chin that he seemed half like a young bird and a compassionate observer might have urged that if he had not the of his legs he would have died of cold he had a superior eye glass dangling round his neck but unfortunately had such flat to his eyes and such limp little eyelids that it wouldn t stick in when he put it up but kept tumbling out against his waistcoat buttons with a click that him very much oh i say look here my father s not in the way and won t be in the way to day said junior is this anything that i can do click eye glass down junior quite frightened and feeling all round himself but not able to find it you are very good said arthur i wish however to see mr but i say look here you haven t got any appointment you know said junior by this time he had found the eye glass and put it up again no said arthur that is what i wish to have but i say look here is this public business asked junior click eye glass down again junior in that state of search after it that mr felt it useless to reply at present is it said junior taking heed of his visitor s brown face anything about or that sort of thing pausing for a reply he opened his right eye with his hand and stuck his glass in it in that manner that his eye began watering dreadfully said arthur it is nothing about then look here is it private business i really am not sure it relates to a mr look here i tell you what you had better call at our house if you are going that way twenty four street square my father s got a slight touch of the and is kept at home by it the young evidently going blind on his side but ashamed to make any further alteration in his painful arrangements thank you i will call there now good morning young seemed at this as not having at all expected him to go you are quite sure said junior calling after him when he got to the door unwilling wholly to the bright business idea he had conceived that it s nothing about little quite sure with which assurance and rather wondering what might have taken place if it had been anything about mr withdrew to pursue his inquiries street square was not absolutely square itself but it was very near it it was a hideous little street of dead wall stables and with over coach houses inhabited by s families who had a passion for drying clothes and their window with miniature gates the principal of that fashionable quarter lived at the blind end of street and the same corner contained an establishment much frequented about early morning and twilight for the purchase of wine bottles and punch s shows used to lean against the dead wall in street while their were dining elsewhere and the dogs of the neighbourhood made to meet in the same locality yet there were two or three small houses at the entrance end of street which went at enormous rents on account of their being abject on to a fashionable situation and whenever one of these fearful little was to be let which seldom happened for they were in great request the house agent advertised it as a gentlemanly residence in the most aristocratic part of town inhabited solely by the of the beau if a gentlemanly residence coming strictly within this narrow margin had not been essential to the blood of the this particular branch would have had a pretty wide selection among let us say ten thousand houses offering fifty times the accommodation for a third of the money as it was mr finding his gentlemanly residence extremely inconvenient and extremely dear always laid it as a public servant at the door of the country and it as another instance of the country s arthur came to a squeezed house with a bowed front little dingy windows and a little dark area like a damp waistcoat pocket which he found to be number twenty four street square to the sense of smell the house was like a sort of bottle filled with a strong of and when the footman opened the door he seemed to take the out the footman was to the square what the house was to the square houses admirable in his way his way was a back and a bye way his was not with dirt and both in complexion and he had suffered from the of his a sallow was upon him when he took the out and presented the bottle to mr s | 8 |
nose be so good as to give that card to mr and to say that i have just now seen the younger mr who recommended me to call here the footman who had as many large buttons with the crest upon them on the of his pockets as if he were the family strong box and carried the plate and jewels about with him up pondered over the card a little then said walk in it required some judgment to do it without the door open and in the consequent mental confusion and physical darkness slipping down the kitchen stairs the visitor however brought himself up safety on the door mat little still the footman said walk in so the visitor followed him at the inner hall door another bottle seemed to be presented and another taken out this second appeared to be filled with concentrated provisions and extract of sink from the after a in the narrow passage occasioned by the footman s opening the door of the dismal dining room with confidence finding some one there with consternation and on the visitor with disorder the visitor was shut up his announcement in a close back parlor there he had an opportunity of refreshing himself with both the bottles at once looking out at a low blinding back wall three feet off and on the number of families within the bills of who lived in such of their own free choice mr would see him would he walk up stairs he would and he did and in the drawing room with his leg on a rest he found mr himself the express image and of how not to do it mr dated from a better time when the country was not so and the office was not so he wound and wound folds of white round his neck as he wound and wound folds of and paper round the neck of the country his and collar were oppressive his voice and manner were oppressive he had a large watch chain and bunch of a coat up to inconvenience a waistcoat up to inconvenience an pair of trousers a stiff pair of boots he was altogether splendid massive overpowering and he seemed to have been sitting for his sir thomas all the days of his life mr said mr be seated mr became seated you have called on me i believe said mr at the giving it the air of a word of about five and office i have taken that liberty mr solemnly bent his head as who should say i do not deny that it is a liberty proceed to take another liberty and let me know your business allow me to observe that i have been for some years in china am quite a stranger at home and have no personal motive or interest in the i am about to make mr tapped his fingers on the table and as if he were now sitting for his portrait to a new and strange artist appeared to say to his visitor if you will be good enough to take me with my present lofty expression i shall feel obliged i have found a in the prison of the name of who has been there i wish to investigate his confused affairs so far as to ascertain whether it may not be possible after this lapse of time to his unhappy condition the name of mr has been mentioned to me as representing some highly influential interest among his am i correctly informed it being one of the principles of the office never on any account whatever to give a straightforward answer mr said possibly on behalf of the crown may i ask or as a private individual little d t the department sir mr replied may have possibly possibly i cannot sa that some public claim against the estate of a firm or to which this person may have belonged should be enforced the question may have been in the course of official business referred to the department for its consideration the department may have either originated or confirmed a minute making that recommendation i assume this to be the case then the department said mr is not responsible for any gentleman s may i how i can obtain official information as to the real state of the case it is competent said six to any member of the public mentioning that obscure body with reluctance as his natural enemy to the department such as are required to be observed in so doing may be known on application to the proper branch of that department which is the proper branch i must refer you returned mr ringing the bell to the department itself for a formal answer to that excuse my mentioning the department is accessible to the public mr was always checked a little by that word of impertinent if the public approaches it according to the official forms if the public not approach it according to the official forms the public has itself to blame mr made him a severe bow as a wounded man of family a wounded man of place and a wounded man of a gentlemanly residence all rolled into one and lie made mr a bow and was shut out into street by the footman having got to this pass he resolved as an exercise in perseverance to himself again to the office and try what satisfaction he could get there so he went back to the office and once more sent up his card to junior by a messenger who took it very ill indeed that he should come back again and who was eating potatoes and behind a by the hall fire he was re admitted to the presence of junior and found that young gentleman his knees now and gaping his weary way on to four o clock | 8 |
i say look here you stick to us in a devil of a manner said junior looking over his shoulder i want to know look here upon my soul you mustn t come into the place you want to know you know remonstrated junior turning about and putting up the eye glass i want to know said arthur who had made up mind to in one short form of words the precise nature of the claim of the crown against a prisoner for debt named i say look here you really are going it at a great pace you know you haven t got an appointment said junior as if the thing were growing serious little i want to know said arthur and repeated his case junior stared at him until his eye glass fell out and then put it in again and stared at him until it fell out again you have no right to come this sort of move he then observed with the greatest weakness look here what do you mean you told me you didn t know whether it was public business or not i have now ascertained that it is public business returned the and i want to know and again repeated his monotonous its effect upon young was to make him repeat in a way look here upon my soul you mustn t come into the place saying you want to know you know the effect of that upon arthur was to make him repeat his in exactly the same words and tone as before the effect of that upon young was to make him a wonderful spectacle of failure and helplessness well i tell you what look here you had better try the department he said at last to the bell and ringing it to the potatoes messenger mr arthur who now felt that he had devoted himself to the of the office and must go through with it accompanied the messenger to another floor of the building where that pointed out mr s room he entered that apartment and found two gentlemen sitting face to face at a large and easy desk one of whom was a gun barrel on his pocket handkerchief while the other was spreading on bread with a paper knife mr the both gentlemen glanced at him and seemed surprised at this assurance so he went said the gentleman with the gun barrel who was an extremely deliberate speaker down to his cousin s place and took the j with him by rail dog flew at the porter fellow when he was put into the dog box and flew at the guard when he was taken out he got half a dozen fellows into a barn and a good supply of and timed the dog the dog able to do it immensely made the match and heavily backed the dog when the match came off some devil of a fellow was bought over sir dog was made drunk dog s master was cleaned out mr the the gentleman who was spreading the returned without looking up from that occupation what did he call the dog called him lovely said the other gentleman said the dog was the perfect picture of the old aunt from whom he has expectations found him particularly like her when mr said the both gentlemen laughed for some time the gentleman with the gun barrel considering it on inspection in a satisfactory state referred it to the other receiving confirmation of his views he fitted it into its place in the case before him and took out the stock and polished that softly whistling mr said the little d t what s the matter then said mr with his mouth full i want to know and arthur again mechanically set forth what he wanted to know can t inform you observed mr apparently to his lunch never heard of it nothing at all to do with it better try mr second door on the left in the next passage perhaps he will give me the same answer yery likely don t know anything about it said mr the turned away and had left the room when the gentleman with the gun called out he looked in again shut the door after you you re letting in a devil of a draught here a few steps brought him to the second door on the left in the next passage in that room he found three gentlemen number one doing nothing particular number two doing nothing particular number three doing nothing particular they seemed however to be more directly concerned than the others had been in the effective execution of the great principle of the office as there was an awful inner apartment with a double door in which the appeared to be assembled in council and out of which there was an imposing coming of papers and into which there was an imposing going of papers almost constantly wherein another gentleman number four was the active instrument i want to know said arthur and again stated his case in the same barrel organ way as number one referred him to number two and as number two referred him to number three he had occasion to state it three times before they all referred him to number four to whom he stated it again number four was a well looking well dressed agreeable young fellow he was a but on the more side of the family and he said in an easy way oh you had better not bother yourself about it i think not bother myself about it no i recommend you not to bother yourself about it this was such a new point of view that arthur found himself at a loss how to receive it you can if you like i can give you plenty of forms to fill up lots of em here you can have | 8 |
a dozen if you like but you ll never go on with it said number four would it be such hopeless work excuse me i am a stranger in england don t say it would be hopeless returned number four with a frank smile i don t express an opinion about that i only express an opinion about you don t think you d go on with it however of course you can do as you like i suppose there was a failure in the performance of a contract or something of that kind was there i really don t know well that you can find out then you ll find out what department the contract was in and then you ll find out all about it there i beg your pardon how shall i find out why you ll you ll ask till they tell you then you ll that department according to regular forms which you ll find out for g si little d t leave to tliis department if you get it which you may after a time that memorial must be entered in that department sent to be in this department sent back to be signed by that department sent back to be by this department and then it will begin to be regularly before that department you ll find out when the business passes through each of these stages by asking at both till they tell you but surely this is not the way to do the business arthur could not help saying this airy young was quite entertained by his simplicity in supposing for a moment that it was this light in hand young knew perfectly that it was not this touch and go young had got up the department in a private that he might be ready for any little bit of fat that came to hand and he fully understood the department to be a piece of machinery for the assistance of the in keeping off the this dashing young in a was likely to become a and to make a figure when the business is regularly before that department whatever it is pursued this bright young then you can watch it from time to time through that department when it comes regularly before this department then you must watch it from time to time through this department we shall have to refer it right and left and when we refer it anywhere then you ll have to look it up when it comes back to us at any time then you had better look us up when it sticks anywhere you ll have to try to give it a when you write to another department about it and then to this department about it and don t hear anything satisfactory about it why then you had better keep on writing arthur looked very doubtful indeed but i am obliged to you at any rate said he for your politeness not at all replied this engaging young try the thing and see how you like it it will be in your power to give it up at any time if you don t like it you had better take a lot of forms away with you give him a lot of forms with which instruction to number two this sparkling young took a fresh handful of papers from numbers one and three and carried them into the to offer to the of the office arthur put his forms in his pocket gloomily enough and went his way down the long stone passage and the long stone staircase he had come to the swing doors leading into the street and was waiting not over patiently for two people him and them to pass out and let him the voice of one of them struck familiarly on his ear he looked at the speaker and recognised mr mr very red in the face than travel could r e made him and a short man who was him said come out you rascal come out it such an unexpected hearing and it was also such an unexpected sight to see mr burst the swing doors open and into the street with the short man who was of an appearance that stood still for the moment exchanging looks of surprise with the porter he followed however quickly and saw mr little d going down the street with his enemy at his side he soon came up with his old travelling companion and touched him on the back the face which mr turned upon him smoothed when he saw who it was and he put out his friendly hand how are you said mr how d ye do i hare only just come over from abroad i am glad to see you and i am rejoiced to see you thank ee thank ee mrs and your daughter are as well as possible said mr i only wish you had come upon me in a more condition as to coolness though it was anything but a hot day mr was in a heated state that attracted the attention of the by more particularly as he leaned his back against a railing took off his hat and and heartily rubbed his steaming head and face and his ears and neck without the least regard for public opinion said mr dressing again that s comfortable now i am cooler you have been ruined mr what is the matter wait a bit and i ll tell you have you leisure for a turn in the park as much as you please come along then ah you may well look at him he happened to have turned his eyes towards the whom mr had so angrily he s something to look at that fellow is he was not much to look at either in point of size or in point of dress being merely a short square | 8 |
practical looking man whose hair had turned grey and in whose face and forehead there were deep lines of which looked as though they were carved in hard wood he was dressed in decent black a little rusty and had the appearance of a sagacious master in some he had a spectacle case in his hand which he turned over and over while he was thus in question with a certain free use of the thumb that is never seen but in a hand accustomed to tools you keep with us said mr in a threatening kind of way and i ll introduce you presently now then wondered within himself as they took the nearest way to the park what this unknown who complied in the manner could have been doing his appearance did not at all justify the suspicion that he had been detected in designs on mr s nor had he any appearance of being or violent he was a quiet plain steady man made no attempt to escape and seemed a little depressed but neither if he were a criminal he must surely be an and if he were no why should mr have him in the office he perceived that the man was not a difficulty in his own mind alone but in mr s too for such conversation as they had together on the short way to the park was by no means well sustained and mr s eye always wandered back to the man even when he spoke of something very different at length they being among the trees mr stopped short and said little d mr will you do me the favour to look at this man his name is daniel you wouldn t suppose this man to be a notorious rascal would you i certainly should not it was really a question with the man there no you would not i know you would not you wouldn t suppose him to be a public would you no no but he is he is a public what has he been guilty of murder highway robbery conspiracy fraud which should you say now i should say returned arthur observing a faint smile in daniel s face not one of them you are right said mr but he has been ingenious and he has been trying to turn his ingenuity to his country s service that makes him a public directly sir arthur looked at the man himself who only shook his head this said mr is a smith and engineer he is not in a large way but he is well known as a very ingenious man a dozen years ago he an invention a very curious secret process of great importance to his country and his fellow creatures i won t say how much money it cost him or how many years of his life he had been about it but he brought it to perfection a dozen years ago wasn t it a dozen said mr addressing he is the most man in the world he never yes better than twelve years ago better said mr you mean rather worse well mr he addresses himself to the government the moment he addresses himself to the government he becomes a public sir said mr in danger of making himself excessively hot again he ceases to be an innocent citizen and becomes a he is treated from that instant as a man who has done some infernal action he is a man to be put off brow beaten sneered at handed over by this highly connected young or old gentleman to that highly connected young or old gentleman and back again he is a man with no rights in his own time or his own property a mere whom it is to get rid of anyhow a man to be worn out by all possible means it was not so difficult to believe after the morning s experience as mr supposed don t stand there turning your spectacle case over and over cried mr but tell mr what you confessed to me i undoubtedly was made to feel said the as if i had committed an offence in dancing attendance at the various offices i was always treated more or less as if it was a very bad offence i have frequently found it necessary to reflect for my own self support that i really had not done anything to bring myself into the but only wanted to effect a great saving and a great improvement there said mr judge whether i now you ll be able to believe me when i tell you the rest of the case little with this mr went through the narrative the established narrative which has become tiresome the matter of course narrative which we all know by heart how after interminable attendance and correspondence after infinite and my lords made a minute number three thousand four hundred and seventy two allowing the to make certain trials of his invention at his own expense how the trials were made in the presence of a board of six of whom two ancient members were too blind to see it two other ancient members were too deaf to hear it one other ancient member was too lame to get near it and the final ancient member was too pig headed to look at it how there were more years more and how my lords then made a minute number five thousand one hundred and three whereby they resigned the business to the office how the office in course of time took up the business as if it were a new thing of yesterday which had never been heard of before the business the business tossed the business in a wet blanket how the and went through the table how there was a reference of the invention to three and a who knew nothing about it into whose heads nothing could | 8 |
be about it who got bored about it and reported physical about it how the office in a minute number eight thousand seven hundred and forty saw no reason to reverse the decision at which my lords had arrived how the office being reminded that my lords had arrived at no decision the business how there had been a final interview with the head of the office that very morning and how the brazen head had spoken and had been upon the whole and under all the circumstances and looking at it from the various points of view of opinion that one of two courses was to be pursued in respect of the business that was to say either to leave it alone for or to begin it all over again upon which said mr as a practical man i then and there in that presence took by the collar and told him it was plain to me that he was an infamous rascal and of the government peace and took him away i brought him out at the office door by the collar that the very porter might know i was a practical man who appreciated the official estimate of such characters and here we are if that airy young had been there he would have frankly told them perhaps that the office had achieved its functions that what the had to do was to stick on to the national ship as long as they could that to trim the ship the ship clean the ship would be to knock them off that the could but be knocked off once and that if the ship went down with them yet sticking to it that was the ship s look out and not theirs there said mr now you know all about except which i own does not improve my state of mind that even now you don t hear him complain you must have great patience said arthur looking at him with some wonder great forbearance little no he returned i don t knew that i have more than another man by the lord you have more than i have though cried mr smiled you see my experience of these things does not begin with myself it has been in my way to know a little about them from time to time mine is not a particular case i am not worse used than a hundred others who have put themselves in the same position than all the others i was going to say i don t know that i should find that a consolation if it were but i am very glad that you do understand me i don t say he replied in his steady planning way and looking into the distance before him as if his grey eye were measuring it that it s for a man s toil and hope but it s a certain sort of relief to know that i might have counted on this he spoke in that quiet deliberate manner and in that which is often in who consider and with great it belonged to him like his of thumb or his peculiar way of up his hat at the back every now and then as if he were contemplating some half finished work of his hand and thinking about it disappointed he went on as he walked between them imder the trees yes no doubt i am disappointed hurt yes no doubt i am hurt that s only natural but what i mean when i say that people who put themselves in the same position are mostly used in the same way in england said mr oh of course i mean in england when they take their inventions into foreign countries that s quite different and that s the reason why so many go there mr very hot indeed again i mean is that however this comes to be the regular way of our government it is its regular way have you ever heard of any or who to find it all but inaccessible and whom it did not and i cannot say that i ever have have you ever known it to be beforehand in the of any useful thing ever known it to set an example of any useful kind i am a good deal older than my friend here said mr and i ll answer that never but we all three have known i expect said the a pretty many cases of its fixed determination to be miles upon miles and years upon years behind the rest of us and of its being found out in the use of things long even after the better things were well known and generally taken up they all agreed upon that well then said with a sigh as i know what such a metal will do at such a temperature and such a body under such a pressure so i may know will only consider how these and gentlemen will certainly deal with such a matter as mine i have no right to be surprised with a head upon my shoulders and memory in it that i fall into the ranks with all who came before me i ought to have let it alone i have had warning enough i am sure little f with that he put up his spectacle case and said to arthur if i don t complain mr i can feel gratitude and i assure you that i feel it towards our mutual friend many s the day and many the way in which he has backed me stuff and nonsense said mr arthur could not hut glance at daniel in the silence though it was evidently in the grain of his character and of his respect for his own case that he should from idle murmuring it was evident that he had grown the older the and the poorer for his long endeavor | 8 |
a cursed road his hoarse voice failed him and he rested his head upon his hands until a bottle of wine was brought from the counter having filled and emptied his little twice and having broken off an end from the great loaf that was set before him with his cloth and soup plate salt and oil he rested his back against the corner of the wall made a couch of the bench on which he sat and began to crust until such time as his should be ready there had been that momentary interruption of the talk about the stove and that temporary to and distraction from one another is usually inseparable in such a company from the arrival of a stranger it had passed over by this time and the men had done glancing at him and were talking again that s the true reason said one of them bringing a story he had been telling to a close that s the true reason why they said that the devil was let loose the speaker was the tall belonging to the church and he brought something of the authority of the church into the discussion especially as the devil was in question the landlady having given her directions for the new guest s entertainment to her husband who acted as cook to the break of day had resumed her behind her counter she was a smart neat bright little woman with a good deal of cap and a good deal of and she struck into the conversation with several laughing of her head but without looking up from her work ah heaven then said she when the boat came up from and brought the news that the devil was actually let loose at some fly swallowed it but i no not i madame you are always right returned the tall doubtless you were enraged against that man madame ah yes then cried the landlady raising her eyes from her work opening them very wide and tossing her head on one side naturally yes he was a bad subject he was a wicked wretch said the landlady and well what he had the good fortune to escape so much the worse stay madame let us see returned the turning his cigar between his lips it may have been his unfortunate destiny he may have been the child of circumstances it is always possible that he had and has good in him if one did but know how to find it out philosophical teaches the rest of the little knot about the stove murmured an objection to the introduction of that threatening expression even the two players at glanced up from their game as if to protest against philosophical being brought by name into the break of day little d hold there you and your cried the smiling landlady nodding her head more than ever listen then i am a woman i i know nothing of philosophical but i know what i have seen and what i have looked in the face in this world here where i find myself and i tell you this my friend that there are people men and women both unfortunately who have no good in them none that there arc people whom it is necessary to without compromise that there are people who must be dealt with as enemies of the human race that there are people who have no human heart and who must be crushed like savage beasts and cleared out of the way they are but few i hope but i have seen in this world here where i find myself and even at the little break of day that there are such people and i do not doubt that this man whatever they call him i forget his name is one of them the landlady s lively speech was received with greater favor at the break of day than it would have from certain amiable of the class she so objected to nearer great britain my faith if your philosophical said the landlady putting down her work and rising to take the stranger s soup from her husband who appeared with it at a side door puts anybody at the mercy of such people by holding terms with them at all in words or deeds or both take it away from the break of day for it isn t worth a sou as she placed the soup before the guest who changed his attitude to a sitting one he looked her full in the face and his moustache went up under his nose and his nose came down over his moustache well said the previous speaker let us come back to our subject leaving all that aside gentlemen it was because the man was on his trial that people said at that the devil was let loose that was how the phrase began to and what it meant nothing more how do they call him said the landlady is it not madame returned the tall to be sure the traveller s soup was succeeded by a dish of meat and that by a dish of vegetables he ate all that was placed before him emptied his bottle of wine called for a glass of rum and smoked his with his cup of coffee as he became refreshed he became and the company at the daybreak in certain small talk at which he assisted as if his condition were far above his appearance the company might have had other engagements or they might have felt their inferiority but in any case they dispersed by degrees and not being replaced by other company left their new patron in possession of the break of day the landlord was about in his kitchen the landlady was quiet at her work and the refreshed traveller sat smoking by the stove warming his ragged feet pardon me madame that pardon | 8 |
me again has contracted your displeasure how the landlady who had been at one moment thinking within herself that this was a handsome man at another moment that this was an ill looking man observed the nose coming down and the moustache little going up and strongly inclined to the latter decision was a criminal she said who had killed his wife aye aye death of my life that s a criminal indeed but how do you know it all the world knows it and yet he escaped justice the law could not prove it against him to its satisfaction so the law says nevertheless all the world knows he did it the people knew it so well that they tried to tear him to pieces being all in perfect accord with their own wives said the guest the landlady of the break of day looked at him again and felt almost confirmed in her last decision he had a fine hand though and he turned it with a great show she began once more to think that he was not ill looking after all did you mention madame or was it mentioned among the gentlemen what became of him the landlady shook her head it being the first stage at which her earnestness had ceased to nod it keeping time to what she said it had been mentioned at the daybreak she remarked on the authority of the journals that he had been kept in prison for his own safety however that might be he had escaped his deserts so much the worse the guest sat looking at her as he smoked out his final and as she sat with her head bent over her work with an expression that might have resolved her doubts and brought her to a lasting conclusion on the subject of his good or bad looks if she had seen it when she did look up the expression was not there the hand was his shaggy moustache may one ask to be shown to bed madame yery willingly my husband my husband would conduct him up stairs there was one traveller there asleep who had gone to bed very early indeed being overpowered by fatigue but it was a large chamber with two beds in it and space enough for twenty this the landlady of the break of day explained calling between my husband out at the side door my husband answered at length it is i my wife and presenting himself in his cook s cap lighted the traveller up a steep and narrow staircase the traveller carrying his own cloak and and bidding the landlady good night with a complimentary reference to the pleasure of seeing her again to morrow it was a large room with a rough floor overhead and two on opposite sides here my husband put down the candle he carried and witli a look at his guest stooping over his gave him the instruction u the bed to the right and left him to his repose the landlord whether he was a good or a bad had fully made up his mind that the guest was an ill looking fellow the guest looked contemptuously at the clean coarse prepared for him and sitting down on the rush chair at the bedside drew his money out of his pocket and told it over in his hand one he muttered to himself but by heaven i must eat at the cost of some other man to morrow little as he sat pondering and mechanically weighing his money in his palm the deep breathing of the traveller in the other bed fell so regularly upon his hearing that it attracted his eyes in that direction the man was covered up warm and had drawn the white curtain at his head so that he could be only heard not seen but the deep regular breathing still going on while the other was taking off his worn shoes and and still continuing when he had laid aside his coat and became at length a strong to curiosity and to get a glimpse of the s face the waking traveller therefore stole a little nearer and yet a little nearer and a little nearer to the sleeping traveller s bed until he stood close beside it even then he could not sec his face for he had drawn the sheet over it the regular breathing still continuing he put his smooth white hand such a treacherous hand it looked as it went creeping from him to the sheet and gently lifted it away death of my soul he whispered falling back here s the little italian previously influenced in his sleep perhaps by the stealthy presence at his bedside stopped in his regular breathing and with a long deep opened his eyes at first they were not awake though open he lay for some seconds looking placidly at his old prison companion and then all at once with a cry of surprise and alarm sprang out of bed hush what s the matter keep quiet it s i you know me cried the other in a suppressed voice but john widely staring muttering a number of and into a corner slipping on his trousers and tying his coat by the two sleeves round his neck manifested an desire to escape by the door rather than renew the acquaintance seeing this his old prison comrade fell back upon the door and set his shoulders against it wake boy rub your eyes and look at me not the name you used to call me don t use that say john staring at him with eyes opened to their utmost width made a number of those national back handed shakes of the right forefinger in the air as if he were resolved on beforehand everything that the other could possibly advance during the whole term of his life give me your hand | 8 |
foot saving his shoes when he had so done he lay down upon his bed with some of its over him and his coat still tied round his neck to get through the night when he started up the break of day was peeping at its he rose took his shoes in his hand turned the key in the door with great caution and crept down stairs nothing was there but the smell of coffee wine tobacco and and madame s little counter looked ghastly enough but he had paid madame his little note at it over night and wanted to see nobody wanted nothing but to get on his shoes and his open the door and run away he in his object no movement or voice was heard when he opened the door no wicked head tied up in a ragged handkerchief looked out of the upper window when the sun had full above the flat line of the horizon and was striking fire out of the vista of paved road with its weary avenue of little trees a blade speck moved along the road and among the flaming pools of which black speck was john running away from his patron r chapter xii bleeding t yard in london itself though in the old rustic road towards a of note where in the days of william shakespeare author and there were royal hunting seats no sport is left there now but for hunters of men bleeding heart yard was to be found a place much changed in feature and in fortune yet with some relish of ancient greatness about it two or three mighty of chimneys and a few large dark rooms which had escaped being walled and out of the recognition of their old proportions gave the yard a character it was inhabited by poor people who set up their rest among its faded glories as of the desert pitch their tents among the fallen stones of the but there was a family sentimental feeling in the yard that it had a character as if the city had become puffed up in the very ground on which it stood the ground had so risen about bleeding heart yard that you got into it down a flight of steps which formed no part of the original approach and got out of it by a low into a of shabby streets which went about and about ascending to the level again at this end of the yard and over the was the of daniel often heavily beating like a bleeding heart of iron with the of metal upon metal the opinion of the yard divided respecting the of its name the more practical of its inmates by the tradition of a murder the and more imaginative inhabitants including the whole of the tender sex were loyal to the legend of a young lady of former times closely imprisoned in her chamber by a cruel father for remaining true to her own true love and refusing to marry the he chose for her the legend related how that the young lady used to be seen up at her window behind the bars murmuring a love song of which the burden was bleeding heart bleeding heart bleeding away until she died it was objected by the party that this refrain was the invention of a a and romantic still lodging in the yard but as all favorite legends must be associated with the affections and as many more people fall in love than commit murder which it may be hoped bad we are will continue unto the end of the world to be the under which we shall live the bleeding heart bleeding heart bleeding away story carried the day by a great majority neither party would listen to the who delivered learned lectures in the neighbourhood showing the bleeding heart to have been the of the old family to whom the property had once belonged and considering that the hour glass they turned from year to year was filled with the and sand the little bleeding heart had reason enough for to be of the one little golden grain of poetry that sparkled in it down into the yard by way of the steps came daniel mr and passing along the yard and between the open doors on either hand all abundantly with light children nursing heavy ones they arrived at its opposite boundary the here arthur stopped to look about him for the of whose name according to the custom of daniel had never seen or heard of to that hour it was plain enough nevertheless as little had said over a lime in the corner within which kept a ladder and a barrel an two the last house in bleeding heart yard which she had described as his place of habitation was a large house let off to various tenants but hinted that he lived in the parlor by means of a painted hand under his name the forefinger of which hand on which the artist had depicted a ring and a most elaborate nail of the form referred all to that apartment parting from his companions after arranging another meeting with mr went alone into the entry and knocked with his at the parlor door it was opened presently by a woman with a child in her arms whose hand was hastily re arranging the upper part of her dress this was mrs and this maternal action was the action of mrs during a large part of her waking existence was mr at home well sir said mrs a civil woman not to deceive you he s gone to look for a job not to deceive you was a method of speech with mrs she would deceive you under any circumstances as little as might be but she had a trick of answering in this form do you think he will be back soon if | 8 |
i wait for him i have been expecting him said mrs this half at any minute of time walk in sir arthur entered the rather dark and close parlor though it was lofty too and sat down in the chair she placed for him not to deceive you sir i notice it said mrs and i take it kind of you he was at a loss to understand what she meant and by expressing as much in his looks her explanation it an t many that comes into a poor place that it worth their while to move their hats said mrs but people think more of it than people think returned with an uncomfortable feeling in so very slight a courtesy being unusual was that all and stooping down to pinch the cheek of another young child who was sitting on the floor staring at him asked mrs how old that fine boy was pour year just turned sir said mrs he is a fine little fellow an t he sir but this one is rather sickly she tenderly hushed the baby in her arms as she said it you wouldn t mind my asking if it happened to be a job as you was come about sir would you added mrs wistfully she asked it so anxiously that if he had been in possession of any little kind of lie would have had it a foot deep rather than answer no but he obliged to answer no and he saw a shade of disappointment on her face as she checked a sigh and looked at the low fire then he saw also that mrs was a young woman made somewhat in herself and her by poverty and so dragged at by poverty and the children together that their united forces had already dragged her face into wrinkles all such things as said mrs seems to me to have gone under ground they do indeed mrs limited her remark to the trade and spoke without reference to the office and the family is it so difficult to get work asked arthur finds it so she returned quite unfortunate really he is really he was he was one of those many on the road of life who seem to be afflicted with supernatural rendering it impossible for them to keep up even with their lame a willing working soft hearted not hard headed fellow took his fortune as smoothly as could be expected but it was a rough one it so rarely happened that anybody seemed to want him it was such an exceptional case when his powers were in any request that his misty mind could not make out how it happened he took it as it came therefore he tumbled into all kinds of difficulties and tumbled out of them and by tumbling through life got himself considerably bruised it s not for want of looking after i am sure said mrs lifting up her eyebrows and searching for a solution of the problem between the bars of the grate nor yet for want of working at them when they are to be got one ever heard my husband complain of work somehow or other this was the general misfortune of bleeding heart yard from time to time there were public complaints going about of labor being scarce which certain people seemed to take ill as though they had an absolute right to it on their own terms but bleeding heart yard though as willing a yard as any in britain was never the better for the demand that high old family the had long been too busy with their great principle to look into the matter and indeed the matter had nothing to do with their in out all other high old families except the while mrs spoke in these words of her absent lord her lord returned a smooth fresh colored sandy man of thirty long in the legs yielding at the knees foolish in the face flannel lime this is sir i came said rising to beg the favor of a little conversation with you on the subject of the family became suspicious seemed to scent a said ah yes well he didn t know what satisfaction he could give any gentleman respecting that family what might it be about now i know you better said smiling than you suppose observed not smiling in return and yet he hadn t the pleasure of being acquainted with the gentleman neither h little no said arthur i know of your kind offices at second hand but on the best authority through little i mean he explained miss mr is it oh i ve heard of you sir and i of you said arthur please to sit down again sir and consider yourself welcome why yes said taking a chair and lifting the elder child upon his knee that he might have the moral support of speaking to a stranger over his head i have been on the wrong side of the lock myself and in that way we come to know miss me and my wife we are well acquainted with miss intimate cried mrs indeed she was so proud of the acquaintance that she had awakened some bitterness of spirit in the yard by to an enormous amount the sum for which miss s father had become the bleeding hearts resented her claiming to know people of such distinction it was her father that i got acquainted with first and through getting acquainted with him you see why i got acquainted with her said i see ah and there s manners there s polish there s a gentleman to have run to seed in the jail why perhaps you are not aware said lowering his voice and speaking with a perverse admiration of what he ought to have pitied or despised not aware that miss and her sister t let | 8 |
him know that they work for a living iso said looking with a ridiculous triumph first at his wife and then all round the room t let him know it they t without admiring him for that quietly observed i am very sorry for him the remark appeared to suggest to for the first time that it might not be a very fine trait of character after all he pondered about it for a moment and gave it up as to me he resumed certainly mr is as with me i am sure as i can possibly expect considering the differences and distances us more so but it s miss that we were speaking of true pray how did you introduce her at my mother s mr picked a bit of lime out of his put it between his lips turned it with his tongue like a sugar considered found himself unequal to the task of explanation and appealing to his wife said sally you may as well mention how it was old woman miss said sally the baby from side to side and laying her chin upon the little hand as it tried to the gown again came here one afternoon with a bit of writing telling that how she wished for and asked if it would be considered any in case she was to give her address here repeated her address here in a low voice as if he were making at church me and says miss no ill repeated no ill and she wrote it in according which then me and says ho miss repeated little ho miss have you thought of it three or four times as the way to make it known in more places than one no says miss i have not hut i will she copied it out according on this table in a sweet writing and he took it where he worked having a job just then repeated job just then and to the landlord of the yard through which it was that mrs first happened to employ miss repeated employ miss and mrs having come to an end feigned to bite the fingers of the little hand as she kissed it the landlord of the yard said arthur is he is mr by name he is said he the rents that added mr dwelling on the subject with a slow that appeared to have no with any specific object and to lead him nowhere that is about what they are you may believe me or not as you think proper ay returned thoughtful in his turn mr too an old acquaintance of mine long ago mr did not see his road to any comment on this fact and made none as there truly was no reason why he should have the least interest in it arthur went on to the present purport of his visit namely to make the instrument of tip s release with as little as possible to the self reliance and of the young man supposing him to possess any remnant of those qualities without doubt a very wide stretch of supposition having been made acquainted with the cause of action from the s own mouth gave arthur to understand that the was a meaning not a singer of but a of horses and that he considered that ten shillings in the pound would settle handsome and that more would be a waste of money the principal and instrument soon drove off together to a stable yard in high where a remarkably fine grey worth at the lowest figure seventy five guineas not taking into account the value of the shot he had been made to swallow for the improvement of his form was to be parted with for a twenty pound note in consequence of his having run away last week with mrs captain of who wasn t up to a horse of his courage and who in mere spite insisted on selling him for that ridiculous sum or in other words on giving him away going up this yard alone and leaving his principal outside found a gentleman with tight legs a rather old hat a little stick and a blue captain of a private friend of captain who happened to be there in a friendly way to mention these little circumstances concerning the remarkably fine grey to any real judge of a horse and quick up of a good thing who might look in at that address as per advertisement this gentleman happening also to be the in the tip case referred mr to his and declined to treat with mr or even to endure his presence in the yard unless he appeared there with a twenty pound note in which case only the gentleman would from appearances that he meant business and might be induced to talk to him on this hint mr retired to communicate with his principal and presently came little back with the required then said captain now how much time do you want to make up the other twenty in now i ll give you a month then said captain when that wouldn t suit now i ll tell what i ll do with you you shall get me a good bill at four months made at a house for the other twenty then said captain when that wouldn t suit now come here s the last i ve got to say to you you shall give me another ten down and i ll run my pen clean through it then said captain when that wouldn t suit now i ll tell you what it is and this it up he has used me bad but i ll let him off for another live down and a bottle of wine and if you mean done say done and if you don t like it leave it finally said captain when that wouldn t suit either hand over then | 8 |
and in consideration of the first offer gave a receipt in full and discharged the prisoner mr said arthur i trust to you if you please to keep my secret if you will undertake to let the young man know that he is free and to tell him that you were employed to compound for the debt by some one whom you are not at liberty to name you will not only do me a service but may do him one and his sister also the last reason sir said would be quite sufficient your wishes shall be attended to a friend has obtained his discharge you can say if you please a friend who hopes that for his sister s sake if for no one else s he will make good use of his liberty your wishes sir shall be attended to and if you will be so good in your better knowledge of the family as to communicate freely with me and to point out to me any means by which you think i may be delicately and really useful to little i shall feel under an obligation to you don t name it sir returned it ll be a pleasure and a it ll be a pleasure and a finding himself unable to balance his sentence after two efforts mr wisely dropped it he took s card and appropriate pecuniary compliment he was earnest to finish his commission at once and his principal was in the same mind so his principal offered to set him down at the gate and they drove in that direction over bridge on the way arthur from his new friend a confused summary of the interior life of bleeding heart yard they was all hard up there mr said uncommon hard up to be sure well he couldn t say how it was he didn t know as anybody could say how it was all he know d was that so it was when a man felt on his own back and in his own belly that he was poor that man mr gave it as his decided belief know d well that poor he was somehow or another and you couldn t talk it out of him no more than you could talk beef into him then you see some people as was better off said and a good many such people lived pretty close up to the mark themselves if not beyond it so he d that they was that was the favourite word down the yard for instance if they see a man with his wife and children going to court in a wan perhaps once in a year they says i thought you was poor my friend why lord how hard it was upon a man what was a man little d t to do he couldn t go mad and even if he did you wouldn t be the better for it in mr s judgment you would be the worse for it yet you seemed to want to make a man mad you was always at it if not with your right hand with your left what was they a doing in the yard why take a look at em and see there was the girls and their mothers a working at their sewing or their shoe binding or their or their waistcoat making day and night and night and day and not more than able to keep body and soul together after all often not so much there was people of pretty well all sorts of trades you could name all wanting to work and yet not able to get it there was old people after working all their lives going and being shut up in the much worse fed and lodged and treated altogether than mr said but appeared to mean a man didn t know where to turn himself for a of comfort as to who was to blame for it mr didn t know who was to blame for it he could tell you who suffered but he couldn t tell you whose fault it was it wasn t his place to find out and who d mind what he said if he did find out he only know d that it wasn t put right by them what undertook that line of business and that it didn t come right of itself and in brief his opinion was that if ou couldn t do nothing for him you had better take nothing from him for doing of it so far as he could make out that was about what it come to thus in a foolish way did turn the tangled of his estate about and about like a blind man who was trying to find some beginning or end to it until they the prison gate there he left his principal alone to wonder as he rode away how many thousand there might be within a day or two s journey of the office playing sundry curious variations on the same tune which were not known by ear in that glorious institution xiii the mention of mr cash again revived in s memory the embers of curiosity and interest which mrs flint had on the night of his arrival had been the beloved of his boyhood and was the daughter and only child of old so he was still occasionally spoken of by some spirits who had had dealings with him and in whom familiarity had bred its result perhaps who was to be rich in weekly tenants and to get a good quantity of blood out of the stones of several courts and after some days of and arthur became convinced that the case of the father of the was indeed a hopeless one and sorrowfully resigned the idea of helping him to freedom again he had no hopeful to make at present | 8 |
concerning little little either but he argued with himself that it might for anything he knew it might be serviceable to the poor child if he renewed this acquaintance it is hardly necessary to add that beyond all doubt he would have presented himself at mr s door if there had been no little in existence for we all know how we all deceive ourselves that is to say how people in general our selves deceive themselves as to motives of action with a comfortable impression upon him and quite an honest one in its way that he was still little in doing what had no reference to her he found himself one afternoon at the corner of mr s street mr lived in a street in the gray s inn road which had set off from that with the intention of running at one heat down into the valley and up again to the top of hill but which had run itself out of breath in twenty yards and had stood still ever since there is no such place in that part now but it remained there for many years looking with a countenance at the wilderness patched with gardens and with summer houses that it had meant to run over in no time the house thought as he crossed to the door is as little changed as my mother s and looks almost as gloomy but the likeness ends outside i know its staid repose within the smell of its of old rose leaves and seems to come upon me even here when his knock at the bright brass of shape brought a woman servant to the door those faded in truth saluted him like wintry breath that had a faint remembrance in it of the spring he stepped into the sober silent air tight house one might have fancied it to have been stifled by in the eastern manner and the door closing again seemed to shut out sound and motion the furniture was formal grave and like but well kept and had as an aspect as anything from a human creature to a wooden stool that is meant for much use and is preserved for little can ever wear there was a grave clock somewhere up the staircase and there was a bird in the same direction at his cage as if he were too the parlor fire in the grate there was only one person on the parlor hearth and the loud watch in his pocket audibly the servant maid had the two words mr so softly that she had not been heard and he consequently stood within the door she had closed unnoticed the figure of a man advanced in life whose smooth grey eyebrows seemed to move to the as the on them sat in an arm chair with his list shoes on the rug and his slowly revolving over one another this was old at a glance as unchanged in twenty years and upwards as his own solid furniture as little touched by the influence of the varying seasons as the old rose leaves and old in his perhaps there never was a man in this troublesome world so troublesome for the imagination to picture as a boy and yet he had changed very little in his progress through life him in the room in which he sat was a boy s portrait which anybody seeing him would have identified as master aged ten though disguised with a for which he had had at any time as much little taste or use as for a bell and sitting on one of his own legs upon a bank of moved to contemplation by the spire of a village church there was the same smooth face and forehead the same calm blue eye the same placid air the shining bald head which looked so very large because it shone so much and the long grey hair at its sides and back like silk or spun glass which looked so very benevolent because it was never cut were not of course to be seen in the boy as in the old man nevertheless in the creature with the were clearly to be discerned the of the with the list shoes was the name which many people delighted to give him various old ladies in the neighbourhood spoke of him as the last of the so grey so slow so quiet so so very in the head was the word for him he had been in the streets and respectfully to become a for painters and for with so much in that it would appear to be beyond the pine arts to remember the points of a or to invent one of both sexes had asked who he was and on being informed old formerly town agent to lord had cried in a rapture of disappointment oh why with that head is he not a benefactor to his species oh why with that head is he not a father to the orphan and a friend to the with that head however he remained old proclaimed by common report rich in house property and with that head he now sat in his silent parlor indeed it would be the height of to expect him to be sitting there without that head arthur moved to attract his attention and the grey eyebrows turned towards him i beg your pardon said i fear you did not hear me announced no sir i did not did you wish to see me sir i wished to pay my respects mr seemed a feather s weight disappointed by the last words having perhaps prepared himself for the visitor s wishing to pay something else have i the pleasure sir he proceeded take a chair if you please have i the pleasure of knowing ah truly yes i think i have i believe | 8 |
i am not mistaken in supposing that i am acquainted with those features i think i address a gentleman of whose return to this country i was informed by mr that is your present visitor really mr no other mr mr i am glad to see you how have you been since we met without thinking it worth while to explain that in the course of some quarter of a century he had experienced occasional slight in his health and spirits answered generally that he had never been better or something equally to the purpose and shook hands with the possessor of that head as it shed its light upon him we are older mr said we are not younger said after this wise remark he little felt that he was scarcely shining with brilliancy and became aware that he was nervous and respected father said mr is no more i was grieved to hear it mr i was grieved arthur implied in the usual way that he felt infinitely obliged to him there was a time said mr when your parents and myself were not on friendly terms there was a little family misunderstanding among us your respected mother was rather j of her son maybe when i say her son i mean your worthy self your worthy self his smooth face had a bloom upon it like ripe wall fruit what with his blooming face and that head and his blue eyes he seemed to be delivering sentiments of rare wisdom and virtue in like manner his expression seemed to with nobody could have said where the wisdom was or where the virtue was or where the was but they all seemed to be somewhere about him those times however pursued mr are past and gone past and gone i do myself the pleasure of making a visit to your respected mother occasionally and of admiring the fortitude and strength of mind with which she bears her trials bears her trials when he made one of these little sitting with his hands crossed before him he did it with his head on one side and a gentle smile as if he had something in his thoughts too sweetly profound to be put into words as if he denied himself the pleasure of uttering it lest he should too high and his therefore preferred to be i have heard that you were kind enough on one of those occasions said arthur catching at the opportunity as it drifted past him to mention little to my mother little that s the who was mentioned to me by a small tenant of mine yes yes that s the name ah yes yes you call her little no road in that direction nothing came of the cross cut it led no further my daughter said mr as you may have heard probably mr was married and established in life several years ago she had the misfortune to lose her husband when she had been married a few months she with me again she will be glad to see you if you will permit me to let her know that you are here by all means returned i should have preferred the request if your kindness had not anticipated me upon this mr rose up in his list shoes and with a slow heavy step he was of an build made for the door he had a long wide skirted bottle green coat on and a bottle green pair of and a bottle green waistcoat the were not dressed in bottle green and yet his clothes looked he had scarcely left the room and allowed the to become audible again when a quick hand turned a in the house door opened it and shut it immediately afterwards a quick and eager short dark man came into the room with so much way upon him that he was within a foot of before he could stop he said little saw no reason why he should not say too u what s the matter said the short dark man i have not heard that anything is the matter returned where s mr asked the short dark man looking about he will be here directly if you want him i want him said the short dark man don t you this a word or two of explanation from during the delivery of which the short dark man held his breath and looked at him he was dressed in black and rusty iron grey had jet black beads of eyes a little black chin black hair striking out from his head in like forks or hair pins and a complexion that was very dingy by nature or very dirty by art or a compound of nature and art he had dirty hands and dirty broken nails and looked as if he had been in the coals he was in a perspiration and and and puffed and blew like a little laboring steam engine oh said he when arthur had told him how he came to be there very well that s right if he should ask for will you be so good as to say that is come in and so with a and a he worked out by another door now in the old days at home certain audacious doubts respecting the last of the which were afloat in the air had by some forgotten means come in contact with arthur s he was aware of and of suspicion in the atmosphere of that time seen through which medium was a mere inn without any inn an invitation to rest and be thankful when there was no place to put up at and nothing whatever to be thankful for he knew that some of these even represented as capable of ring designs in that head and as being a other there were which showed him as a heavy drifting who having stumbled in | 8 |
arthur i mean mr arthur or i suppose mr would be far more proper but i am sure i don t know what i m saying without a word about the dear old days gone for ever however when i come to think of it i dare say it would be much better not to speak of them and it s highly probable that you have some much more agreeable engagement and pray let me be the last person in the world to interfere it though there wan a time but i am running into nonsense again was it possible that could have been such a in the days she referred to could there have been anything like her present in the that had him indeed i have little doubt said running on with astonishing speed and pointing her conversation with nothing but and very few of them that you are married to some chinese lady being in china so long and being in business and naturally desirous to settle and extend your connection nothing was more likely than that you should propose to a chinese lady and nothing was more natural i am sure than that the chinese lady should accept you and think herself very well off too i only hope she s not a i am not returned arthur smiling in spite of himself married to any lady oh good gracious me i hope you never kept yourself a bachelor so long on my account but of course you never did why should you pray don t answer i don t know where i m running to oh do tell me something about the chinese ladies whether their eyes are really so long and narrow always putting me in mind of mother of pearl fish at cards and do they really wear tails down their back and too or is it only the men and when they pull their hair so very tight off their don t they hurt themselves and why do they stick little bells all over their bridges and temples and hats and things or don t they really do it gave him another of her old glances instantly she went on again as if he had spoken in reply for some time then it s all true and they really do good gracious arthur pray excuse me old habit mr far more proper what a country to live in for so long a time and with so many and little too how very dark and wet the climate ought to be and no doubt actually is and the sums of money that must be made by those two trades where everybody carries them and hangs them everywhere the little shoes too and the feet back in infancy is quite surprising what a traveller you are in his ridiculous distress received another of the old glances without in the least knowing what to do with it dear dear said only to think of the changes at home arthur cannot overcome it seems so natural mr far more proper since you became familiar with the chinese customs and language which i am persuaded you speak like a native if not better for you were always quick and clever though immensely difficult no doubt i am sure the tea alone would kill me if i tried such changes arthur i am doing it again seems so natural most improper as no one could have believed who could have ever imagined mrs when i can t imagine it myself is that your married name asked arthur struck in the midst of all this by a certain warmth of heart that expressed itself in her tone when she referred however oddly to the youthful relation in which they had stood to one another oh yes isn t it a dreadful name but as mr p said when he proposed to me which he did seven times and handsomely consented i must say to be what he used to call on liking twelve months after all he wasn t for it and couldn t help it could he excellent man not at all like you but excellent man had at last talked herself out of breath for one moment one moment for she recovered breath in the act of raising a minute corner of her pocket handkerchief to her eye as a tribute to the ghost of the departed mr p and began again one could dispute arthur mr that it s quite right you should be formally friendly to me under the altered circumstances and indeed you couldn t be anything else at least i suppose not you ought to know but i can t help recalling that there was a time when things were very different my dear mrs arthur began struck by the good tone again oh not that nasty ugly name say i assure you i am happy in seeing you once more and in finding that like me you have not forgotten the old foolish dreams when we saw all before us in the light of our youth and hope you don t seem so you take it very coolly but however i know you are disappointed in me i suppose the chinese ladies if you call them so are the cause or perhaps i am the cause myself it s just as likely no entreated don t say that oh i must you know said in a positive tone what nonsense not to i know i am not what you expected i know that very well in the midst of her rapidity she had found that out with the quick perception of a woman the inconsistent and profoundly unreasonable way in which she instantly went on nevertheless to their long abandoned boy and girl relations with their present interview made feel as if he were little d | 8 |
ill one remark said giving their conversation without the slightest notice and to the great terror of the tone of a i wish to make one explanation i wish to offer when your came and made a scene of it with my papa and when i was called down into the little breakfast room where they were looking at one another with your s between them seated on two chairs like mad what was i to do my dear mrs urged all so long ago and so long concluded is it worth while seriously to i can t arthur returned be as heartless by the whole society of china without setting myself right when i have the opportunity of doing so and you must be very well aware that there was paul and virginia which had to be returned and which was returned without note or comment not that i mean to say you could have written to me watched as i was but if it had only come back with a red on the cover i should have known that it meant come to and what s the third place my dear mrs you were not to blame and i never blamed you we were both too young too dependent and helpless to do anything but accept our separation pray think how long ago gently remonstrated arthur one more remark proceeded with i wish to make one more explanation i wish to offer for five days i had a cold in the head from crying which i passed entirely in the back drawing room there is the back drawing room still on the first floor and still at the back of the house to confirm my words when that dreary period had passed a lull succeeded years rolled on and mr f became acquainted with us at a mutual friend s he was all attention he called next day he soon began to call three evenings a week and to send in little things for supper it was not love on mr f s part it was adoration mr f proposed with the full approval of papa and what could i do nothing whatever said arthur with the readiness but what you did let an old friend assure you of his full conviction that you did quite right one last remark proceeded common place life with a wave of her hand i wish to make one last explanation i wish to offer there a time ere mr f first paid attentions incapable of being mistaken but that is past and was not to be dear mr you no longer wear a golden chain you are free i trust you may be happy here is papa who is always tiresome and putting in his nose everywhere where he is not wanted with these words and with a hasty gesture with timid caution such a gesture had s eyes been familiar with in the old time poor left herself at eighteen years of age a long long way behind again and came to a full stop at last or rather she left about half of herself at eighteen years of age behind and the rest on to the of the late mr f thus making a moral of herself which her once boy lover contemplated with feelings wherein his sense of the sorrowful and his sense of the were curiously blended little for example as if there were a secret understanding between herself and of the most thrilling nature as if the first of a train of post and four extending all the way to scotland were at that moment round the corner and as if she couldn t and wouldn t have walked into the parish church with him under the shade of the family umbrella with the blessing on her head and the perfect of all mankind comforted her soul with agonies of mysterious expressing dread of discovery with the sensation of becoming more and more every minute saw the of the late mr f enjoying herself in the most wonderful manner by putting herself and him in their old places and going through all the old performances now when the stage was dusty when the scenery was faded when the youthful actors were dead when the was empty when the lights were out and still through all this grotesque revival of what he remembered as having once been prettily natural to her he could not but feel that it revived at sight of him and that there was a tender memory in it the insisted on his staying to dinner and yes so wished he could have done more than stay to dinner so heartily wished he could have found the that had been or that never had been that he thought the least he could make for the disappointment he almost felt ashamed of was to give himself up to the family desire therefore he stayed to dinner dined with them out of his little dock at a quarter before six and bore straight down for the who happened to be then driving in an manner through a account of bleeding heart yard instantly made fast to him and hauled him out bleeding heart yard said with a puff and a it s a troublesome property don t pay you badly but rents are very hard to get there you have more trouble with that one place than with all the places belonging to you just as the big ship in tow gets the credit with most spectators of being the powerful object so the usually seemed to have said himself whatever said for him indeed returned upon whom this impression was so made by a mere gleam of the polished head that he spoke the ship instead of the the people are so poor there you can t say you know taking one of his dirty hands | 8 |
out of his rusty iron grey pockets to bite his nails if he could find any and turning his beads of eyes upon his employer whether they re poor or not they say they are but they all say that when a man says he s rich you re generally sure he isn t besides if they are poor you can t help it you d be poor yourself if you didn t get your rents true enough said arthur you re not going to keep open house for all the poor of london pursued you re not going to lodge em for nothing you ie not going to open your gates wide and let em come free if you know it you an t mr shook his head in placid and little if a man takes a room of you at half a crown a week and when the week comes round hasn t got the half crown you say to that man why have you got the room then if you haven t got the one thing why have you got the other what have you been and done with your money what do you mean by it what are you up to that s what you say to a man of that sort and if you didn t say it more shame for you mr here made a singular and startling noise produced by a strong blowing effort in the region of the nose by any result but that one you have some extent of such property about the east and here i believe doubtful which of the two to address oh pretty well said you re not particular to east or north east any point of the compass will do for you w t hat you want is a good and a quick return you take it where you can find it you an t nice as to situation not you there was a fourth and most original figure in the tent who also appeared before dinner this was an amazing little old woman with a face like a staring wooden doll too cheap for expression and a stiff yellow wig perched on the top of her head as if the child who owned the doll had driven a tack through it anywhere so that it only got fastened on another remarkable thing in this little old woman was that the same child seemed to have her face in two or three places with some blunt instrument in the nature of a spoon her countenance and particularly the tip of her nose presenting the phenomena of several generally answering to the bowl of that article a further remarkable thing in this little old woman was that she had no name but mr f s aunt she broke upon the visitor s view under the following circumstances said when the first dish was being put on table perhaps mr might not have heard that mr f had left her a in return implied his hope that mr f had endowed the wife whom he adored with the greater part of hi worldly substance if not with all said oh yes she didn t mean that mr f had made a beautiful will but he had left her as a separate his aunt she then went out of the room to fetch the and on her return rather triumphantly presented mr f s aunt the major characteristics by the stranger in mr f s aunt were extreme severity and grim sometimes interrupted by a to offer remarks in a deep warning voice which being totally for by anything said by anybody and to no association of ideas confounded and terrified the mind mr f s aunt may have thrown in these observations on some system of her own and it may have been ingenious or even subtle but the key to it was wanted the neatly served and well cooked dinner for everything about the household promoted quiet began with some soup some a butter boat of and a dish of potatoes the conversation still turned on the receipt of rents mr f s aunt after regarding the company for ten minutes with a gaze delivered the following fearful remark when we lived at s was stole by mr nodded his head and said all right little ma am but the effect of this mysterious communication upon was absolutely to frighten him and another circumstance invested this old lady with peculiar terrors though she was always staring she never acknowledged that she saw any individual the polite and attentive stranger would desire say to consult her inclinations on the subject of potatoes his expressive action would be hopelessly lost upon her and what could he do no man could say mr f s aunt will you permit me every man retired from the spoon as did and baffled there was mutton a and an apple pie nothing in the remotest way connected with and the dinner went on like a feast as it truly was once upon a time had sat at that table taking no heed of anything but now the principal heed he took of was to observe against his will that she was very fond of porter that she combined a great deal of with sentiment and that if she were a little overgrown it was upon substantial grounds the last of the had always been a mighty and he disposed of an immense quantity of solid food with the of a good soul who was feeding some one else mr who was always in a hurry and who referred at intervals to a little dirty note book which he kept beside him perhaps containing the names of the he meant to look up by way of took in his much as if he were with a good deal of noise a good deal of dropping about and a puff and | 8 |
the of mr not that i ever heard of i know you re not i asked your mother sir she has too much character to let a chance escape her supposing i had been of the of you d have heard of something to your advantage indeed i have heard of little enough to my advantage for some time there s a property going a begging sir and not a to have it for the asking said taking his note book from his breast pocket and putting it in again i turn off here i wish you good night good night said but the suddenly lightened and by having any weight in tow was already puffing away into the distance they had crossed together and was left alone at the corner of he had no intention of presenting himself in his mother s dismal room that night and could not have felt more depressed and cast away if he had been in a wilderness he turned slowly down street and was pondering his way along towards saint paul s to come into one of the great for the sake of their light and life when a crowd of people towards him on the same pavement and he stood aside against a shop to let them pass as they came up he made out that they were gathered round a something that was carried on men s shoulders he soon saw that it was a litter hastily made of a or some such thing and a figure upon it and the scraps of conversation in the crowd and a muddy bundle carried by one man and a muddy hat carried by another informed him that an accident had occurred the litter stopped under a lamp before it had passed him half a dozen paces for some re of the burden and the crowd stopping too he found himself in the midst of the array an accident going to the hospital he asked an old man beside him who stood shaking his head inviting conversation little yes said the man along of them they ought to be and them they come a racing out of lad lane and wood street at twelve or fourteen mile a hour them do the only wonder is that people an t killed oftener by them this person is not killed i hope i don t know said the man it an t for the want of a will in them if he an t the speaker having folded his arms and set in comfortably to address his of them to any of the who would listen several voices out of pure sympathy with the sufferer confirmed him one voice saying to they re a public nuisance them sir another i see one on em pull up within half a inch of a boy last night another i see one on em go over a cat sir and it might have been your own mother and all representing by that if he happened to possess any public influence he could not use it better than against them why a native englishman is put to it every night of his life to save his life from them argued the first old man and he knows when they re a coming round the corner to tear him limb from limb what can you expect from a poor don t about em is this a foreigner said leaning forward to look in the midst of such replies as frenchman sir sir sir sir and other conflicting testimony he now heard a feeble voice asking both in italian and in french for water a general remark going round in reply of ah poor fellow he says he ll never get over it and no wonder begged to be allowed to pass as he understood the poor creature he was immediately handed to the front to speak to him first he wants some water said ho looking round a dozen good fellows dispersed to get it are you badly hurt my friend he asked the man on the litter in italian yes sir yes yes yes it s my leg it s my leg but it pleases me to hear the old music though i am very bad you are a traveller stay see the water let me give you some they had rested the litter on a pile of stones it was at a convenient height from the ground and by stooping he could lightly raise the head with one hand and hold the glass to the lips with the other a little muscular brown man with black hair and white teeth a lively face apparently ear rings in his ears that s well you are a traveller surely sir a stranger in this city surely surely altogether i am arrived this unhappy evening from what country why see there i also almost as much a stranger here as you though born here i came from a little while ago don t be cast down the face looked up at him as he rose from wiping it and gently replaced the coat that covered the figure i won t leave you till you shall be well taken care of courage you will be very much better half an hour hence little ah cried the poor little man in a faintly incredulous tone and as they took him up hung out his right hand to give the forefinger a back handed shake in the air arthur turned and walking beside the litter and saying an encouraging word now and then accompanied it to the neighbouring hospital of saint none of the crowd but the and he being admitted the man was soon laid on a table in a cool way and carefully examined by a surgeon who was as near at hand and as ready to appear as calamity herself he hardly knows an english word said is he badly hurt | 8 |
let us know all about it first said the surgeon continuing his examination with a business like delight in it before we pronounce after trying the leg with a finger and two fingers and one hand and two hands and over and under and up and down and in this direction and in that and remarking on the points of interest to another gentleman who joined him the surgeon at last clapped the patient on the shoulder and said he won t hurt he ll do very well it s difficult enough but we shall not want him to part with his leg this time which interpreted to the patient who was full of gratitude and in his way kissed both the s hand and the surgeon s several times it s a serious injury i suppose said ye es replied the surgeon with the thoughtful pleasure of an artist contemplating the work upon his yes it s enough there s a compound above the knee and a below they are both of a beautiful kind he gave the patient a friendly clap on the shoulder again as if he really felt that he was a very good fellow indeed and worthy of all for having broken his leg in a manner interesting to science he speaks french said the surgeon oh yes he speaks french he ll be at no loss here then you have only to bear a little pain like a brave fellow my friend and to be thankful that all goes as well as it does he added in that tongue and you ll walk again to a marvel now let us see whether there s anything else the matter and how our ribs are there was nothing else the matter and our ribs were sound remained until everything possible to be done had been and promptly done the poor wanderer in a strange land that favor of him and lingered by the bed to which he was in due time removed until he had fallen into a even then he wrote a few words for him on his card with a promise to return to morrow and left it to be given to him when he should awake all these proceedings occupied so long that it struck eleven o clock at night as he came out at the hospital gate he had hired a lodging for the present in garden and he took the nearest way to that quarter by snow hill and left to himself again after the solicitude and compassion of his last adventure he was naturally in a thoughtful mood as naturally he could not walk on thinking for ten minutes without recalling she necessarily recalled to him his life with all its and little happiness little when he got to his lodging he sat down before the dying as he had stood at the window of his old room looking out upon the blackened forest of chimneys and turned his gaze back upon the gloomy vista by which he had come to that stage in his existence so long so bare so blank childhood no youth except for one remembrance the one remembrance proved only that day to be a piece of folly it was a misfortune to him trifle as it might have been to another for while all that was hard and stern in his recollection remained on being proved was to the sight and touch and relaxed nothing of its old the one tender recollection of his experience would not bear the same test and melted away he had foreseen this on the former night when he had dreamed with waking eyes but he had not felt it then and he had now he was a in such wise because he was a man who had in his nature a belief in all the gentle and good things his life had been without bred in meanness and hard dealing this had rescued him to be a man of honorable mind and open hand bred in coldness and severity this had rescued him to have a warm and sympathetic heart bred in a creed too darkly audacious to pursue through its process of the making of man in the image of his creator to the making of his creator in the image of an man this had rescued him to judge not and in humility to be merciful and have hope and charity and this saved him still from the weakness and cruel selfishness of holding that because such a happiness or such a virtue had not come into his little path or worked well for him therefore it was not in the great scheme but was when found in appearance to the elements a disappointed mind he had but a mind too firm and healthy for such air leaving himself in the dark it could rise into the light seeing it shine on others and it therefore he sat before his dying fire sorrowful to think upon the way by which he had come to that night yet not poison on the way by which other men had come to it that he should have missed so much and at his time of life should look so far about him for any staff to bear him company upon his downward journey and cheer it was a just regret he looked at the fire from which the blaze departed from which the after glow subsided in which the ashes turned grey from which they dropped to dust and thought how soon i too shall pass through such changes and be gone to review his life was like descending a green tree in fruit and flower and seeing all the branches and drop off one by one as he came down towards them from the unhappy of my youngest days through the rigid and home that followed them through my departure my long exile my | 8 |
return my mother s welcome my intercourse with her since down to the afternoon of this day with poor said arthur what have i found his door was softly opened and these spoken words startled him and came as if they were an answer little chapter xiv little s arthur rose hastily and saw her standing at the door this history must sometimes see with little s eyes and shall begin that course by seeing him little looked into a dim room which seemed a spacious one to her and furnished ideas of garden as a place with famous houses where gentlemen wearing gold coats and swords had quarrelled and fought costly ideas of garden as a place where there were flowers in winter at guineas a piece pine apples at guineas a pound and peas at guineas a pint picturesque ideas of garden as a place where there was a mighty theatre showing wonderful and beautiful sights to richly dressed ladies and gentlemen and which was for ever far beyond the reach of poor or poor uncle desolate ideas of garden as having all those arches in it where the miserable children in rags among whom she had just now passed like young rats and hid fed on huddled together for warmth and were hunted about look to the rats young and old all ye for before god they are eating away our foundations and will bring the roofs on our heads ideas of garden as a place of past and present mystery romance abundance want beauty fair country gardens and foul street all confused together made the room than it was in little s eyes as they timidly saw it from the door at first in the chair before the gone out fire and then turned round wondering to see her was the gentleman whom she sought the brown grave gentleman who smiled so pleasantly who was so frank and considerate in his manner and yet in whose earnestness there was something that reminded her of his mother with the great difference that she was earnest in and he in gentleness now he regarded her with that attentive and look before which little s eyes had always fallen and before which they fell still my poor child here at midnight i said little sir on purpose to prepare you i knew you must be very much surprised are you alone no sir i have got with me considering her entrance sufficiently prepared for by this mention of her name appeared from the landing outside on the broad grin she instantly suppressed that however and became solemn and i have no fire said and you are he was going to say so lightly clad but stopped himself in what would have been a reference to her poverty saying instead and it is so cold little do putting the chair from which he had risen nearer to the grate he made her sit down in it and hurriedly bringing wood and coal heaped them together and got a blaze your foot is like marble my child j he had happened to touch it while stooping on one knee at his work of the fire put it nearer the warmth little thanked him hastily it was quite warm it was very warm it smote upon his heart to feel that she hid her thin worn shoe little was not ashamed of her poor shoes he knew her story and it was not that little had a that he might blame her father if he saw them that he might think why did he dine to day and leave this little creature to the mercy of the cold stones she had no belief that it would have been a just reflection she simply knew by experience that such did sometimes present themselves to people it was a part of her father s misfortunes that they did before i say anything else little began sitting before the pale fire and raising her eyes again to the face which in its harmonious look of interest and pity and protection she felt to be a mystery far above her in degree and almost removed beyond her at may i tell you something sir yes my child a slight shade of distress fell upon her at his so often calling her a child she was surprised that he should see it or think of such a slight thing but he said directly i wanted a tender word and could think of no other as you just now gave yourself the name they give you at my mother s and as that is the name by which i always think of you let me call you little thank you sir i should like it better than any name little little mother who had been falling asleep put in as a it s all the same returned all the same is it all the same mother just the same laughed and immediately in little s eyes and ears the uncouth figure and the uncouth sound were as pleasant as could be there was a glow of pride in her big child her face when it again met the eyes of the grave brown gentleman she wondered what he was thinking of as he looked at and her she thought what a good father he would be how with some such look he would counsel and cherish his daughter what i was going to tell you sir said little is that my brother is at large arthur was rejoiced to hear it and hoped he would do well and what i was going to tell you sir said little trembling in all her little figure and in her voice is that i am not to know whose generosity released him am never to ask and am never to be told and am never to thank that gentleman with all my grateful heart he would probably need | 8 |
no thanks said yery likely he would be thankful himself and with reason that he had had the means little and chance of doing a little service to her who well deserved a great one and what i was going to say sir is said little trembling more and more that if i knew him and i might i would tell him that he can never never know how i feel his goodness and how my good father would feel it and what i was going to say sir is that if i knew him and i might but i don t know him and i must not i that i would tell him that i shall never any more lie down to sleep without having prayed to heaven to bless him and reward him and if i knew him and i might i would go down on my knees to him and take his hand and kiss it and ask him not to draw it away but to leave it to leave it for a moment and let my thankful tears fall on it for i have no other thanks to give him little had put his hand to her lips and would have to him but he gently prevented her and replaced her in her chair her eyes and the tones of her voice had thanked him far better than she thought he was not able to say quite as as usual there there there there we will suppose that you did know this person and that you might do all this and that it was all done and now tell me who am quite another person who am nothing more than the friend who begged you to trust him why you are out at midnight and what it is that brings you so far through the streets at this late hour my slight delicate child was on his lips again little and i have been to night she answered herself with the quiet effort that had long been natural to her to the theatre where my sister is engaged and oh ain t it a ev place suddenly interrupted who seemed to have the power of going to sleep and waking up whenever she chose almost as good as a hospital only there ain t no in it here she shook herself and fell asleep again we went there said little glancing at her charge because i like sometimes to know of my own knowledge that my sister is doing well and like to see her there with my own eyes when neither she nor uncle is aware it is very seldom indeed that i can do that because when i am not out at work i am with my father and even when i am out at work i hurry home to him but i pretend to night that i am at a party as she made the confession timidly hesitating she raised her eyes to the face and read its expression so plainly that she answered it oh no certainly i never was at a party in my life she paused a little under his attentive look and then said i hope there is no harm in it i could never have been of any use if i had not pretended a little she feared that he was her in his mind for so to contrive for them think for them and watch over them without their knowledge or gratitude perhaps even with their reproaches for supposed neglect but what was really in his mind was the weak figure with its strong purpose the thin worn shoes the insufficient dress and the pretence of and enjoyment he asked where the party was at a place where she worked answered little blushing she had said very little about it only a few words little to make her father easy her father did not believe it to be a grand party indeed he might suppose that and she glanced for an instant at the shawl she wore it is the first night said little that i have ever been away from home and london looks so large so barren and so wild in little s eyes its the black sky was awful a tremor passed over her as she said the words but this is not she added with the quiet effort again what i have come to trouble you with sir my sister s having found a friend a lady she has told me of and made me rather anxious about was the first cause of my coming away from home and being away and coming on purpose round by where you lived and seeing a light in the window not for the first time no not for the first time in little s eyes the outside of that window had been a distant star on other nights than this she had toiled out of her way tired and troubled to look up at it and wonder about the grave brown gentleman from so far off who had spoken to her as a friend and protector there were three things said little that i thought i would like to say if you were alone and i might come up stairs first what i have tried to say but never can never shall hush hush that is done with and disposed of let us pass to the second said smiling her agitation away making the blaze shine upon her and putting wine and cake and fruit towards her on the table i think said little this is the second thing sir i think mrs must have found out my secret and must know where i come from and where i go to where i live i mean indeed returned quickly he asked her after a short consideration why she supposed so i think replied | 8 |
little mother we know the way chuckled and away they went little turned at the door to say god bless you she said it very softly but perhaps she may have been as audible above who knows as a whole cathedral choir arthur suffered them to pass the corner of the street before he followed at a distance not with any idea of a second time on little s privacy but to satisfy his mind by seeing her secure in the neighbourhood to which she was accustomed so she looked so fragile and against the bleak damp weather flitting along in the shuffling shadow of her charge that he felt in his compassion and in his habit of considering her a child apart from the rest of the rough world as if he would have been glad to take her up in his arms and carry her to her journey s end in course of time she came into the leading where the was and then he saw them their pace and soon turn down a bye street he stopped felt that he had no right to go further and slowly left them he had no suspicion that they ran any risk of being until morning had no idea of the truth until long long afterwards but said little when they stopped at a poor dwelling all in darkness and heard no sound on listening at the door now this is a good lodging for you and we must not give offence consequently we will only knock twice and not very loud and if we cannot wake them so we must walk about till day once little knocked with a careful hand and listened little twice little knocked with a careful hand and listened all was close and still we must do the best we can my dear we must be patient and wait for day it was a chill dark night with a damp wind blowing when they came out into the leading street again and heard the strike half past one in only five hours and a half said little we shall be able to go home to speak of home and to go and look at it it being so near was a natural they went to the closed gate and peeped through into the i hope he is sound asleep said little kissing one of the bars and does not miss me the gate was so familiar and so like a companion that they put down s basket in a corner to serve for a seat and keeping close together rested there for some time while the street was empty and silent little was not afraid but when she heard a footstep at a distance or saw a moving shadow among the street lamps she was startled and whispered i see some one come away would then wake up more or less and they would wander about a little and come back again as long as eating was a novelty and an amusement kept up pretty well but that period going by she became about the cold and shivered and it will soon be over dear said little patiently oh it s all very fine for you little mother returned but i m a poor thing only ten years old at last in the dead of the night when the street was very still indeed little laid the heavy head upon her bosom and soothed her to sleep and thus she sat at the gate as it were alone looking up at the stars and seeing the clouds pass over them in their wild flight which was the dance at little s party if it really was a party she thought once as she sat there if it was light and warm and beautiful and it was our house and my poor dear was its master and had never been inside these walls and if mr was one of our visitors and we were dancing to delightful music and were all as gay and as ever we could be i such a vista of wonder opened out before her that she sat looking up at the stars quite lost until was again and wanted to get up and walk three o clock and half past three and they had passed over london bridge they had heard the rush of the tide against obstacles had looked down awed through the dark on the river had seen little spots of lighted water where the bridge lamps were reflected shining like demon eyes with a terrible fascination in them for guilt and misery they had shrunk past people lying up in they had run from they had started from men whistling and to one another at bye corners or running away at full speed though everywhere the leader and the guide little happy for once in her youthful appearance feigned to cling to and rely upon and more than once some voice from among a knot of or figures in their path had called out to the rest to let the woman and the child go by so the woman and the child had gone by and gone on and five had little sounded from the they were walking slowly towards the east already looking for the first pale streak of day when a woman came after them what are you doing with the child she said to she was young far too young to be there heaven knows and neither ugly nor wicked looking she spoke but with no naturally coarse voice there was even something musical in its sound what are you doing with yourself retorted for want of a better answer can t you see without my telling you i don t know as i can said killing myself now i have answered you answer me what are you doing with the child the supposed child kept her head drooped | 8 |
down and kept her form close at s side poor thing said the woman have you no feeling that you keep her out in the cruel streets at such a time as this have you no eyes that you don t see how delicate and slender she is have you no sense you don t look as if you had much that you don t take more pity on this cold and trembling little hand she had stepped across to that side and held the hand between her own two it kiss a poor lost creature dear she said bending her face and tell me where she s taking you little turned towards her why my god she said you re a woman don t mind that said little clasping one of the hands that had suddenly released hers not afraid of you f then you had better be she answered have you no mother no no father yes a very dear one go home to him and be afraid of me let me go good night i must thank you first let me speak to you as if i really was a child you can t do it said the woman you are kind and innocent but you can t look at me out of a child s eyes i never should have touched you but that i thought you were a child and with a strange wild cry she went away no day yet in the sky but there was day in the stones of the streets in the carts and in the workers going to various occupations in the opening of early shops in the traffic at in the stir at the river side there was coming day in the lights with a color in them than they would have had at another time coming day in the increased of the air and the ghastly dying of the night they went back again to the gate intending to wait there now until it should be opened but the air was so raw and cold that little leading about in her sleep kept in motion going round by the church she saw lights there and the door open and went up the steps and looked in who s that cried a stout old man who was putting on a as if he were going to bed in a vault little it s no one particular sir said little stop cried the man let s have a look at you this caused her to turn hack again in the act of going out and to present herself and her charge before him i thought so said he i know you we have often seen each other said little the or the or the or whatever he was when i have been at church here more than that we ve got your birth in our register you know you re one of our indeed said little to be sure as the child of the by the bye how did you get out so early we were shut out last night and are waiting to get in you don t mean it and there s another hour good yet come into the you ll find a fire in the on account of the painters i m waiting for the painters or i shouldn t be here you may depend upon it one of our mustn t be cold when we have it in our power to warm her up comfortable come along he was a very good old fellow in his familiar way and having stirred the fire he looked round the shelves of for a particular volume here you are you see he said taking it down and turning the leaves here you ll find yourself as large as life daughter of william and born prison parish of saint george and we tell people that you have lived there without so much as a day s or a night s absence ever since is it true quite true till last night lord but his surveying her with an admiring gaze suggested something else to him to wit i am sorry to see though that you are faint and tired stay a bit i ll get some cushions out of the church and you and your friend shall lie down before the fire don t be afraid of not going in to join your father when the gate opens call you he soon brought in the cushions and them on the ground there you are you see again as large as life oh never mind thanking i ve daughters of my own and though they weren t born in the prison they might have been if i had been in my ways of carrying on of your father s breed stop a bit i must put something under the cushion for your head here s a burial volume just the thing we have got mrs in this book but what makes these books interesting to most people not who s in em but who isn t who s coming you know and when that s the interesting question looking back at the pillow he had he left them to their hour s repose was already and little was soon fast asleep with her head resting on that sealed book of fate by its mysterious blank leaves this was little s party the shame desertion wretchedness and exposure of the great capital the wet the cold the slow hours and the swift clouds of the dismal night this was the party from which little went home in the first grey mist of a rainy morning little chapter xv mrs i has another dream the old house in the city wrapped in its mantle of and leaning heavily on the that had of its decay and worn out with it never knew a healthy or a cheerful interval let what would | 8 |
if the sun ever touched it it was but with a ray and that was gone in half an hour if the moonlight ever fell upon it it was only to put a few patches on its cloak and make it look more wretched the stars to be sure coldly watched it when the nights and the smoke were clear enough and all bad weather stood by it with a rare fidelity you should alike find rain hail frost and lingering in that dismal when they had vanished from other places and as to snow you should see it there for weeks long after it had changed from yellow to black slowly weeping away its life the place had no other as to street noises the of wheels in the lane merely rushed in at the in going past and rushed out again making the listening mistress feel as if she were deaf and recovered the sense of hearing by flashes so with whistling singing talking laughing and all pleasant human sounds they leaped the gap in a moment and went upon their way the a light of fire and candle in mrs s room made the greatest change that ever broke the dead monotony of the spot in her two long narrow windows the fire shone sullenly all day and sullenly all night on rare occasions it flashed up passionately as she did but for the most part it was suppressed like her and upon itself and slowly during many hours of the short winter days however when it was dusk there early in the afternoon changing of herself in her wheeled chair of mr with his neck of mistress coming and going would be thrown upon the house wall that was over the and would there like shadows from a great magic lantern as the invalid settled for the night these would gradually disappear mistress s shadow always flitting about last until it finally glided away into the air as though she were off upon a then the solitary light would burn until it burned pale before the dawn and at last died under the of mistress as her shadow descended on it from the witch region of sleep strange if the little sick room fire were in effect a fire some one and that the most unlikely some one in the world to the spot that must be come to strange if the little sick room light were in effect a watch light burning in that place every night until an appointed event should be watched out which of the vast multitude of travellers under the sun and the stars climbing the dusty hills and little toiling along the weary plains by land and by sea coming and going so strangely to meet and to act and re act on one another which of the host may with no suspicion of the journey s end be travelling surely hither time shall show us the post of honor and the post of shame the general s station and the s a peer s statue in westminster abbey and a seaman s in the bosom of the deep the and the the and the gallows the throne and the the travellers to all are on the great high road but it has wonderful and only time shall show us whither each traveller is bound on a wintry afternoon at twilight mrs flint having been heavy all day dreamed this dream she thought she was in the kitchen getting the kettle ready for tea and was warming herself with her feet upon the and the skirt of her gown tucked up before the fire in the middle of the grate bordered on either hand by a deep cold black she thought that as she sat thus musing upon the question whether life was not for some people a rather dull invention she was frightened by a sudden noise behind her she thought that she had been frightened once last week and that the noise was of a mysterious kind a sound of rustling and of three or four quick beats like a rapid step while a shock or tremble was communicated to her heart as if the step had shaken the floor or even as if she had been touched by some awful hand she thought that this revived within her certain old fears of hers that the house was haunted and that she flew up the kitchen stairs without knowing how she got up to be nearer company mistress thought that on reaching the hall she saw the door of her lord s office standing open and the room empty that she went to the up window in the little room by the street door to connect her heart through the glass with living things beyond and outside the haunted house that she then saw on the wall over the the shadows of the two clever ones in conversation above that she then went upstairs with her shoes in her hand partly to be near the clever ones as a match for most ghosts and partly to hear what they were talking about none of your nonsense with me said mr i won t take it from you mrs dreamed that she stood behind the door which was just and most distinctly heard her husband say these bold words returned mrs in her usual strong low voice there is a demon of anger in you guard against it i don t care whether there s one or a dozen said mr forcibly suggesting in his tone that the higher number was nearer the mark if there was fifty they should all say none of your nonsense with me i won t take it from you i d make em say it whether they liked it or not what have i done you man her strong voice asked done said mr dropped down upon me if you | 8 |
mean remonstrated with you little don t put words in my month that i don t mean said sticking to his expression with and impenetrable obstinacy i mean dropped down upon me i remonstrated with you she began again because i won t have it cried u you dropped down upon me i dropped down upon you then you ill man chuckled at having forced her to adopt his phrase for having been significant to arthur that morning i have a right to complain of it as almost a breach of confidence you did not mean it i won t have it interposed the contradictory flinging back the concession u i did mean it i suppose i must leave you to speak in if you choose she replied after a pause that seemed an angry one it is useless my addressing myself to a rash and old man who has a set purpose not to hear me i won t take that from you either said i have no such purpose i have told you i did mean it do you wish to know why i meant it you rash and old woman after all you only restore me my own words she said struggling with her indignation yes this is why then because you hadn t cleared his father to him and you ought to have done it because before you went into any about yourself who are hold there she cried out in a changed voice you may go a word too far the old man seemed to think so there was another pause and he had altered his position in the room when he spoke again more mildly i was going to tell you why it was because before you took your own part i thought you ought to have taken the part of arthur s father arthur s father i had no particular love for arthur s father i served arthur s father s uncle in this house when arthur s father was not much above me was poorer as far as his pocket went and when his uncle might as soon have left me his heir as have left him he starved in the parlor and i starved in the kitchen that was the principal difference in our positions there was not much more than a flight of break neck stairs between us i never took to him in those times i don t know that i ever took to him greatly at any time he was an chap who had had everything but his orphan life scared out of him when he was young and when he brought you home here the wife his uncle had named for him i didn t need to look at you twice you were a good looking woman at that time to know who d be master you have stood of your own strength ever since stand of your own strength now don t lean against the dead i do not as you call it lean against the dead but you had a mind to do it if i had submitted growled and that s why you drop down upon me you can t forget that i didn t submit i suppose you are astonished that i should consider it worth my while to have justice done to arthur s father hey k lo little it doesn t matter whether you answer or not because i know you are and you know you are come then i ll tell you how it is i may be a bit of an in point of temper but this is my temper i can t let anybody have entirely their own way you are a determined woman and a clever woman and when you see your purpose before you nothing will turn you from it who knows that better than i do nothing will turn me from it when i have justified it to myself add that justified it to yourself i said you were the most determined woman on the face of the earth or i meant to say so and if you are determined to justify any object you entertain of course you ll do it man i justify myself by the authority of these books she cried with stern emphasis and appearing from the sound that followed to strike the dead weight of her arm upon the table never mind that returned calmly we won t enter into that question at present however that may be you carry out your purposes and you make everything go down before them i won t go down before them i have been faithful to you and useful to you and i am attached to you but i can t consent and i won t consent and i never did consent and i never will consent to be lost in you swallow up everybody else and welcome the peculiarity of my temper is ma am that i won t be swallowed up alive perhaps this had originally been the of the understanding between them thus much of force of character in mr perhaps mrs had deemed alliance with him worth her while enough and more than enough of the subject said she gloomily unless you drop down upon me again returned the persistent and then you must expect to hear of it again mistress dreamed that the figure of her lord here began walking up and down the room as if to cool his and that she ran away but that as he did not issue forth when she had stood listening and trembling in the shadowy hall a little time she crept up stairs again impelled as before by ghosts and curiosity and once more outside the door please to light the candle mrs was saying apparently wishing to draw him back into their usual tone it is nearly time for tea little is coming and | 8 |
will find me in the dark mr lighted the candle briskly and said as he put it down upon the table what are you going to do with little is she to come to work here for ever to come to tea here for ever to come backwards and forwards here in the same way for ever how can you talk about for ever to a creature like me are we not all cut down like the grass of the field and was not i by the many years ago since when i have been lying here waiting to be gathered into the barn aye aye but since you have been lying here not near dead little nothing like it numbers of children and young people blooming women strong men and what not have been cut down and earned and still here are you you see not much changed after all your time and mine may be a long one yet when i say for ever i mean though i am not poetical through all our time mr gave this explanation with great calmness and calmly waited for an answer so long as little is quiet and industrious and stands in need of the slight help i can give her and deserves it so long i suppose unless she of her own act she will continue to come here i being spared iso thing more than that said his mouth and chin what should there be more than that what could there be more than that she ejaculated in her sternly wondering way mrs dreamed that for the space of a minute or two they remained looking at each other with the candle between them and that she somehow derived an impression that they looked at each other do you happen to know mrs cry s lord then demanded in a much lower voice and with an amount of expression that seemed quite out of proportion to the simple purpose of his words where she lives no would you now would you like to know said with a as if he had sprung upon her if i cared to know i should know already could i not have asked her any then you don t care to know i do not mr having a long significant breath said with his former emphasis for i have accidentally mind found out wherever she lives said mrs speaking in one hard voice and separating her words as distinctly as if she were reading them off from separate bits of metal that she took up one by one she has made a secret of it and she shall always keep her secret from me after all perhaps would rather not have known the fact any how said and he said it with a twist as if his words had come out of him in his own shape said his mistress and partner flashing into a sudden energy that made start why do you me look round this room if it is any compensation for my long confinement within these narrow limits not that i complain of being afflicted you know i never complain of that if it is any compensation to me for my long confinement to this room that while i am shut up from all pleasant change i am also shut up from the knowledge of some things that i may prefer to avoid knowing why should you of all men grudge me that relief i don t grudge it to you returned then say no more say no more let little keep her little secret from me and do you keep it from me also let her come and go unobserved and let me suffer and let me have what belongs to my condition is it so much that you torment me like an evil spirit i asked you a question that s all i have answered it so say no more say no more here the sound of the wheeled chair was heard upon the floor and s bell rang with a hasty jerk more afraid of her husband at the moment than of the mysterious sound in the kitchen crept away as lightly and as quickly as she could descended the kitchen stairs almost as rapidly as she had ascended them resumed her seat before the fire tucked up her skirt again and finally threw her apron over her head then the bell rang once more and then once more and then kept on ringing in despite of which summons still sat behind her apron recovering her breath at last mr came shuffling down the staircase into the hall muttering and calling woman all the way still remaining behind her apron he came stumbling down the kitchen stairs candle in hand up to her her apron off and roused her cried waking what a start you gave me what have you been doing woman you ve been rung for fifty times said mistress i have been a dreaming reminded of her former achievement in that way mr held the candle to her head as if he had some idea of lighting her up for the illumination of the kitchen don t you know it s her tea time he demanded with a vicious grin and giving one of the legs of mistress s chair a kick tea time i don t know what s come to me but i got such a dreadful turn before i went off a dreaming that i think it must be that sleepy head said mr what are you talking about such a strange noise and such a curious movement in the kitchen here just here held up his light and looked at the blackened ceiling held down his light and looked at the damp stone floor turned round with his light and looked about at the spotted and walls hats cats water said | 8 |
mistress each with a shake of her head no i have felt it before i have felt it up stairs and once on the staircase as i was going from her room to ours in the night a rustle and a sort of trembling touch behind me my woman said mr grimly after advancing his nose to that lady s lips as a test for the detection of if you don t get tea pretty quick old woman you ll become sensible of a rustle and a touch that ll send you flying to the other end of the kitchen this stimulated mrs to herself and to little hasten up stairs to mrs s chamber but for all that she now began to entertain a settled conviction that there was something wrong in the gloomy house henceforth she was never at peace in it after daylight departed and never went up or down stairs in the dark without having her apron over her head lest she should see something what with these ghostly apprehensions and her singular dreams mrs fell that evening into a haunted state of mind from which it may be long before this present narrative any trace of her recovery in the and of all her new experiences and as everything about her was mysterious to herself she began to be mysterious to others and became as difficult to be made out to anybody s satisfaction as she found the house and everything in it difficult to make out to her own she had not yet finished preparing mrs s tea when the soft knock came to the door which always announced little mistress looked on at little taking off her homely bonnet in the hall and at mr his jaws and contemplating her in silence as expecting some wonderful consequence to which would frighten her out of her five wits or blow them all three to pieces after tea there came another knock at the door announcing arthur mistress went down to let him in and he said on entering i am glad it s you i want to ask you a question immediately replied for goodness sake don t ask me nothing arthur i am frightened out of one half of my life and dreamed out of the other don t ask me nothing i don t know which is which or what is what and immediately started away from him and came near him no more mistress having no taste for reading and no sufficient light for in the subdued room supposing her to have the inclination now sat every night in the from which she had emerged on the evening of arthur s return occupied with crowds of wild speculations and suspicions respecting her mistress and her husband and the noises in the house when the ferocious exercises were engaged in these speculations would mistress s eyes towards the door as if she expected some dark form to appear at those moments and make the party one too many otherwise never said or did anything to attract the attention of the two clever ones towards her in any marked degree except on certain occasions generally at about the quiet hours towards bed time when she would suddenly dart out of her dim corner and whisper with a face of terror to mr reading the paper near mrs s little table there what s that noise then the noise if there were any would have ceased and mr would turning upon her as if she had cut him down that moment against his will old woman you shall have a dose old woman such a dose you have been dreaming again g little chapter the time being come for the renewal of his acquaintance with the family to contract made between himself and mr within the of bleeding heart yard turned his face on a certain saturday towards where mr had a cottage residence of his own the weather being fine and dry and any english road in interest for him who had been so long away he sent his on by the coach and set out to walk a walk was in itself a new enjoyment to him and one that had rarely his life afar off he went by and for the pleasure of strolling over the heath it was bright and shining there and when he found himself so far on his road to he found himself a long way on his road to a number of and less substantial they had risen before him fast in the exercise and the pleasant road it is not easy to walk alone in the country without musing upon something and he had plenty of unsettled subjects to upon though he had been walking to the land s end there was the subject seldom absent from his mind the question what he was to do henceforth in life to what occupation he should devote himself and in what direction he had best seek it he was far from rich and every day of and made his inheritance a source of greater anxiety to him as often as he began to consider how to increase this inheritance or to lay it by so often his that there was some one with an claim upon his justice returned and that alone was a subject to the longest walk again there was the subject of his relations with his mother which were now upon an and peaceful but never confidential footing and whom he saw several times a week little was a leading and a constant subject for the circumstances of his life united to those of her own story presented the little creature to him as the only person between whom and himself there were of innocent reliance on one hand and affectionate protection on the other ties of compassion respect unselfish interest gratitude and pity thinking of her and of the possibility of | 8 |
her father s release from prison by the hand of death the only change of circumstance he could foresee that might enable him to be such a friend to her as he wished to be by her whole manner of life her rough road and giving her a home he regarded her in that perspective as his adopted daughter his poor child of the hushed to rest if there were a last subject in his thoughts and it lay towards its form was so indefinite that it was little move than the atmosphere in which these other subjects floated before him little he had crossed tho heath and was leaving it behind when he gained upon a figure which had been in advance of him for some time and which as he gained upon it he thought he knew he derived this impression from something in the turn of the head and in the figure s action of consideration as it went on at a sufficiently sturdy walk but when the man for it was a man s figure pushed his hat up at the back of his head and stopped to consider some object before him he knew it to be daniel how do you do mr said him i am glad to see you again and in a place than the office ha mr s friend exclaimed that public criminal coming out of some mental he had been making and offering his hand i am glad to see you sir will you excuse me if i forget your name readily it s not a celebrated name it s not no no said daniel laughing and now i know what it is it s how do you do mr i have some hope said arthur as they walked on together that we maybe going to the same place mr meaning returned daniel i am glad to hear it they were soon quite intimate and lightened the way with a variety of conversation the ingenious was a man of great modesty and good sense and though a plain man had been too much accustomed to combine was original and daring in conception with what was patient and minute in execution to be by any means an ordinary man it was at first difficult to lead him to speak about himself and he put oft arthur s advances in that direction by admitting slightly oh yes he had done this and he had done that and such a of his making and such another thing was his discover but it was his trade you see his trade until as he gradually became assured that his companion had a real interest in his account of himself he frankly yielded to it then it appeared that he was the son of a blacksmith and had originally been by his mother to a lock maker that he had struck out a few little things at the lock maker s which had led to his being released from his with a present which present had enabled him to gratify his ardent wish to bind himself to a working engineer under whom he had labored hard learned hard and lived hard seven years his time being out he bad worked in the shop at weekly wages seven or eight years more and had then himself to the banks of the where he had studied and filed and and improved his knowledge and practical for six or seven years more there he had had an offer to go to which he had accepted and from had been engaged to go to germany and in germany had had an offer to go to st and there had done very well indeed never better however he had naturally felt a preference for his own country and a wish to gain distinction there and to do whatever service he could do there rather than elsewhere and so he had come home and so at home he had established himself in little business and had invented and executed and worked his way on until after a dozen years of constant suit and service he had been in the great british of honor the of the of the office and had been decorated with the great british order of merit the order of the disorder of the and it is much to be regretted said that you ever turned your thoughts that way mr true sir true to a certain extent but what is a man to do if he has the misfortune to strike out something serviceable to the nation he must follow where it leads him hadn t he better let it go asked he can t do it said shaking his head with a thoughtful smile it s not put into his head to be buried it s put into his head to be made useful you hold your life on the condition that to the last you shall struggle hard for it every man holds a discovery on the same terms that is to say said arthur with a growing admiration of his quiet companion you are not finally discouraged even now i have no right to be if i am returned the other the thing is as true as it ever was when they had walked a little way in silence at once to change the direct point of their conversation and not to change it too abruptly asked mr if he had any partner in his business to relieve him of a portion of its anxieties no he returned not at present i had when i first entered on it and a good man he was but he has been dead some years and as i could not easily take to the notion of another when i lost him i bought his share for myself and have gone on by myself ever since and here s another thing he said | 8 |
was wasn t it i don t want a military government but i shouldn t mind a little and just a dash of it in this neighbourhood sometimes it s devilish still this on the retired character of his retreat with a shake of the head mr led the way into the house it was just large enough and no more was as pretty within as it was without and was perfectly well arranged and comfortable some traces of the habits of the family were to be observed in the covered frames and furniture and wrapped up but it was easy to see that it was one of mr s to have the cottage always kept in their absence as if they were always back the day after to morrow of articles collected on his various there was such a vast that it was like the dwelling of an amiable there were from central italy made by the best modern houses in that department of industry bits of from egypt and perhaps model from model villages from of pavement from and like ashes out of and out of spanish straw hats slippers hair pins and coral roman all round by the pope himself and an infinite variety of lumber there were views like and unlike of a multitude of places and there was one little picture room devoted to a few of the regular old saints with like hair like s wrinkles like and such coats of that every holy personage served for a fly trap and became what is now called in the vulgar tongue a catch cm alive of these mr spoke in the usual manner he was no judge he said except of what pleased himself he had picked them up dirt cheap and people had considered them rather fine one man who at any rate ought to know something little of the subject had declared that sage reading a specially old gentleman in a blanket with a swan s down for a beard and a web of cracks all over him like rich crust to be a fine as for there you would judge for yourself if it were not his later manner the question was who was it that might or might not be perhaps he had only touched it daniel said perhaps he hadn t touched it but mr rather declined to the remark when he had shown all his spoils mr took them into his own snug room overlooking the lawn which was fitted up in part like a dressing room and in part like an office and in which upon a kind of counter desk were a pair of brass scales for weighing gold and a for out money here they are you see said mr i stood behind these two articles five and thirty years running when i no more thought of about than i now think of staying at home when i left the bank for good i asked for them and brought them away with me i mention it at once or you might suppose that i sit in my counting house as pet says i do like the king in the poem of the four and twenty counting out my money s eyes had strayed to a natural picture on the wall of two pretty little girls with their arms yes said mr in a lower voice there they both are it was taken some seventeen years ago as i often say to mother they were babies then their names said arthur ah to be sure you have never heard any name but pet pet s name is her sister s should you have known mr that one of them was meant for me asked pet herself now standing in the doorway i might have thought that both of them were meant for you both are still so like you indeed said glancing from the fair original to the picture and back i cannot even now say which is not your portrait d y e hear that mother cried mr to his wife who had followed her daughter it s always the same nobody can decide the child to your left is pet the picture happened to be near a looking glass as arthur looked at it again he saw by the reflection of the mirror stop in passing outside the door listen to what was going on and pass away with an angry and contemptuous frown upon her face that changed its beauty into but come said mr you have had a long walk and will be glad to get your boots off as to daniel here i suppose he d never think of taking his boots off unless we showed him a boot jack why not asked daniel with a significant smile at oh you have so many things to think about returned mr clapping him on the shoulder as if his weakness must not be left to itself on any account figures and wheels and and and and and a thousand things little in my calling said daniel amused the greater usually the less but never mind never mind whatever pleases you pleases me could not help as he seated himself in his room by the fire whether there might be in the breast of this honest affectionate and cordial mr any portion of the seed that had sprung up into the great tree of the office his curious sense of a general superiority to daniel which seemed to be founded not so much on anything in s personal character as on the mere fact of his being an and a man out of the beaten track of other men suggested the idea it might have occupied him until he went down to dinner an hour afterwards if he had not had another question to consider which had been in his mind so long ago as before he was in at | 8 |
and which had now returned to it and was very urgent with it no less a question than this whether he should allow himself to fall in love with pet he was twice her age he changed the leg he had crossed over the other and tried the calculation again but could not bring out the total at less he was twice her age well he was young in appearance young in health and strength young in heart a man was certainly not old at forty and many men were not in circumstances to marry or did not marry until they attained that time of life on the other hand the question was not what he thought of the point but what she thought of it he believed that mr was disposed to entertain a ripe regard for him and he knew that he had a sincere regard for mr and his good wife he could foresee that to this beautiful only child of whom they were so fond to any husband would be a trial of their love which perhaps they never yet had had the fortitude to contemplate but the more beautiful and winning and charming she the nearer they must always be to the necessity of approaching it and why not in his favor as well as in another s he had got so far it came again into his head that the question was not what they thought of it but what she thought of it arthur was a retiring man with a sense of many and he so exalted the merits of the beautiful in his mind and depressed his own that when he pinned himself to this point his hopes began to fail him he came to the final resolution as he made himself ready for dinner that he would not allow himself to fall in love with pet they were only five at a round table and it was very pleasant indeed they had so many places and people to and they were all so easy and cheerful together daniel either sitting out like an amused spectator at cards or coming in with some shrewd little experiences of his own when it happened to be to the purpose that they might have been together twenty times and not have known so much of one another and miss said mr after they had recalled a number of fellow travellers has anybody seen miss i have said she had brought a little mantle which her young mistress had sent little for and was bending oyer her putting it on when she lifted up her dark eyes and made this unexpected answer her young mistress exclaimed you seen miss where here miss said how an impatient glance from seemed as saw it to answer with my eyes but her only answer in words was i met her near the church what was she doing there i wonder said mr not going to it i should think she had written to me first said oh murmured her mistress take your hands away i feel as if some one else was touching me she said it in a quick involuntary way but half and not more or than a favourite child might have done who laughed next moment set her full red lips together and crossed her arms upon her bosom did you wish to know sir she said looking at mr what miss wrote to me about well returned mr since you ask the question and we are all friends here perhaps you may as well mention it if you are so inclined she knew when we were travelling where you lived said and she had seen me not quite not quite not quite in a good temper suggested mr shaking his head at the dark eyes with a quiet caution take a little time count five and twenty she pressed her lips together again and took a long deep breath so she wrote to me to say that if i ever felt myself hurt she looked down at her young mistress or found myself worried she looked down at her again i might go to her and be treated i was to think of it and could speak to her by the church so i went there to thank her said her young mistress putting her hand up over her shoulder that the other might take it miss almost frightened me when we parted and i scarcely liked to think of her just now as having been so near me without my knowing it dear stood for a moment immovable hey cried mr count another five and twenty she might have counted a dozen when she bent and put her lips to the caressing hand it patted her cheek as it touched the owner s beautiful curls and went away now there said mr softly as he gave a turn to the on his right hand to the sugar towards himself there s a girl who might be lost and ruined if she wasn t among practical people mother and i know solely from being practical that there are times when that girl s whole nature seems to itself against seeing us so bound up in pet no father and mother were bound up in her poor soul i don t like to think of the way in which that little child with all that passion and protest in her feels when she hears the fifth on a sunday i am always inclined to call out church count five and twenty besides his dumb waiter mr had two other not dumb in the persons of two parlor maids with rosy faces and bright t es who were a highly ornamental part of the table and why not you see said mr on this head as i always say to mother why not have something pretty to look at if you have anything | 8 |
at all a certain mrs who was cook and housekeeper when the family were at home and housekeeper only when the family were away completed the establishment mr regretted that the nature of the duties in which she was engaged rendered mrs at present but hoped to introduce her to the new visitor to morrow she was an important part of the cottage he said and all his friends knew her that was her picture up in the corner when they went away she always put on the silk gown and the jet black row of curls represented in that portrait her hair was grey in the kitchen established herself in the breakfast room put her spectacles between two particular leaves of doctor s domestic medicine and sat looking over the blind all day until they came back again it was supposed that no persuasion could be invented which would induce mrs to abandon her post at the blind however long their absence or to dispense with the attendance of doctor the of which learned mr believed she had never yet consulted to the extent of one word in her life in the evening they played an old fashioned rubber and pet sat looking over her father s hand or singing to herself by fits and starts at the piano she was a spoilt child but how could she be otherwise who could be much with so and beautiful a creature and not yield to her influence who could pass an evening in the house and not love her for the grace and charm of her very presence in the room this was s reflection notwithstanding the final conclusion at which he had arrived up stairs in making it he why what are you thinking of my good sir asked the astonished mr who was his partner i beg your pardon nothing returned think of something next time that s a dear fellow said mr pet believed he had been thinking of miss why of miss pet asked her father why indeed said arthur pet colored a little and went to the piano again as they broke up for the night arthur overheard ask his host if he could give him half an hour s conversation before breakfast in the morning the host replying willingly arthur lingered behind a moment having his own word to add on that topic mr he said on their being left alone do you remember when you advised me to go straight to london perfectly well and when you gave me some other good advice which i needed at that time little d iu t i won t say what it was worth answered mr hut of course i remember our being very pleasant and confidential together i have acted on your advice and having myself of an occupation that was painful to me for many reasons wish to devote myself and what means i have to another pursuit right you can t do it too soon said mr now as i came down to day i found that your friend mr is looking for a partner in his business not a partner in his mechanical knowledge but in the ways and means of turning the business arising from it to the best account just so said mr with his hands in his pockets and with the old business expression of face that had belonged to the scales and mr mentioned incidentally in the course of our conversation that he was going to take your valuable advice on the subject of finding such a partner if you should think our views and opportunities at all likely to perhaps you will let him know my available position i speak of course in ignorance of the details and they may be on both sides no doubt no doubt said mr with the caution belonging to the scales and but they will be a question of figures and accounts just so just so said mr with the belonging to the scales and and i shall be glad to enter into the subject provided mr and you think well of it if you will at present therefore allow me to place it in your hands you will much oblige me i accept the trust with readiness said mr and without any of the points which you as a man of business have of course reserved i am free to say to you that i think something may come of this of one thing you may be perfectly certain daniel is an honest man i am so sure of it that i have promptly made up my mind to speak to you you must guide him you know you must steer him you must direct him he is one of a sort said mr evidently meaning nothing more than that he did new things and went new ways but he is as honest as the sun and so good night went back to his room sat down again before his fire and made up his mind that he was glad he had resolved not to fall in love with pet she was so beautiful so amiable so apt to receive any true impression given to her gentle nature and her innocent heart and make the man who should be so happy as to communicate it the most fortunate and of all men that he was very glad indeed he had come to that conclusion but as this might have been a reason for coming to the opposite conclusion he followed out the theme again a little way in his mind to justify himself perhaps suppose that a man so his thoughts ran who had been of age some twenty years or so who was a man from the circumstances of his youth who was rather a grave man from the tenor of little his life who knew himself to be deficient in many little engaging qualities which he | 8 |
admired in others from having been long in a distant region with nothing softening near him who had no kind sisters to present to her who had no congenial home to make her known in who was a stranger in the land who had not a fortune to in any measure for these defects who had nothing in his favor but his honest love and his general wish to do right suppose such a man were to come to this house and were to yield to the of this charming girl and were to persuade himself that he could hope to win her what a weakness it would be he softly opened his window and looked out upon the serene river year after year so much allowance for the drifting of the boat so many miles an hour the flowing of the stream here the rushes there the lilies nothing uncertain or why should he be vexed or sore at heart it was not his weakness that he had imagined it was nobody s nobody s within his knowledge why should it trouble him and yet it did trouble him and he thought who has not thought for a moment sometimes that it might be better to flow away like the river and to compound for its to happiness with its to pain chapter xvii nobody s before breakfast in the morning arthur walked out to look about him as the morning was fine and he had an hour on his hands he crossed the river by the and strolled along a through some meadows when he came back to the path he found the boat on the opposite side and a gentleman it and waiting to be taken over this gentleman looked barely thirty he was well dressed of a and gay appearance a well knit figure and a rich dark complexion as arthur came over the and down to the water s edge the glanced at him for a moment and then resumed his occupation of idly tossing stones into the water with his foot there was something in his way of them out of their places with his heel and getting them into the required position that thought had an air of cruelty in it most of us have more or less frequently derived a similar impression from a man s manner of doing some very little thing a flower clearing away an obstacle or even destroying an object the gentleman s thoughts were as his face showed and he took no notice of a fine dog who watched him attentively and watched every stone too in its turn eager to spring into the river on receiving his master s sign the boat came little over however without his receiving any sign and when it his master took him by the collar and walked him into it not this morning he said to the dog you won t do for ladies company dripping wet lie down followed the man and the dog into the boat and took his seat the dog did as he was ordered the man remained standing with his hands in his pockets and between and the prospect man and dog both jumped lightly out as soon as they touched the other side and went away was glad to be rid of them the church clock struck the breakfast hour as he walked up the little lane by which the garden gate was approached the moment he pulled the bell a deep loud barking assailed him from within the wall i heard no dog last night thought the gate was opened by one of the rosy maids and on the lawn were the dog and the man miss is not down yet gentlemen said the blushing as they all came together in the garden then she said to the master of the dog mr sir and tripped away odd enough mr that we should have met just now said the man upon which the dog became mute allow me to introduce myself henry a pretty place this and looks wonderfully well this morning the manner was easy and the voice agreeable but still thought that if he had not made that decided resolution to avoid falling in love with pet he would have taken a dislike to this henry it s new to you i believe said this when arthur had the place quite new i made acquaintance with it only yesterday afternoon ah of course this is not its best aspect it used to look charming in the spring before they went away last time i should like you to have seen it then but for that resolution so often recalled might have wished him in the of mount in return for this civility i have had the pleasure of seeing it under many circumstances during the last three years and it s a paradise it was at least it might have been always excepting for that wise resolution like his impudence to call it a paradise he only called it a paradise because he first saw her coming and so made her out within her hearing to be an angel confusion to him and ah how beaming she looked and how glad how she the dog and how the dog knew her how expressive that heightened color in her face that fluttered manner her downcast eyes her happiness when had seen her look like this not that there was any reason why he might could would or should have ever seen her look like this or that he had ever hoped for himself to see her look like this but still when had he ever known her do it l little he stood at a little distance from them this when he had talked about a paradise had gone up to her and taken her hand the dog had put his great on her arm and | 8 |
laid his head against her dear bosom she had laughed and welcomed them and made far too much of the dog far far too much that is to say supposing there had been any third person looking on who loved her she disengaged herself now and came to and put her hand in his and wished him good morning and gracefully made as if she would take his arm and be escorted into the house this had no objection no he knew he was too safe there was a passing cloud on mr s good humoured face when they all three four counting the dog and he was the most objectionable but one of the party came in to breakfast neither it nor the touch of uneasiness on mrs as she directed her eyes towards it was unobserved by well said mr even a sigh how goes the world with you this morning much as usual sir lion and i being determined not to waste anything of our weekly visit turned out early and came over from my present head quarters i am making a sketch or two then he told how he had met mr at the and they had come over together mrs is well henry said mrs became attentive my mother is quite well thank you became i have taken the liberty of making an addition to your family dinner party to day which i hope will not be inconvenient to you or to mr i couldn t very well get out of it he explained turning to the latter the young fellow wrote to propose himself to me and as he is well connected i thought you would not object to my him here who is the young fellow asked mr with peculiar complacency he is one of the s son who is in his father s department i can at least that the river shall not suffer from his visit he won t set it on fire aye aye said a is he we know something of that family eh dan by george they are at the top of the tree though let me see what relation will this young fellow be to lord now his married in seventeen lady who was the second daughter by the third marriage no there i am wrong that was lady lady was the first daughter by the second marriage of the earl of with the honourable yery well now this young fellow s father married a and his father married his cousin who was a the father of that father who married a married a i am getting a little too far back i want to make out what relation this young fellow is to lord little that s easily stated his father is nephew to lord nephew to lord mr repeated with his eyes shut that he might have nothing to him from the full flavor of the tree by george you are right go wan so he is consequently lord is his great uncle but stop a bit said mr opening his eyes a fresh discovery then on the mother s side lady is his great aunt of course she is aye aye aye said mr with much interest indeed indeed we shall be glad to see him we ll entertain him as well as we can in our humble way and we shall not starve him i hope at all events in the beginning of this dialogue had expected some great harmless outburst from mr like that which had made him burst out of the office holding by the collar but his good friend had a weakness which none of us need go into the next street to find and which no amount of experience could long subdue in him looked at but knew all about it beforehand and looked at his plate and made no sign and said no word i am much obliged to you said to conclude the subject is a great ass but he is one of the dearest and best fellows that ever lived it appeared before the breakfast was over that everybody whom this knew was either more or less of an ass or more or less of a but was notwithstanding the most the most engaging the simplest truest kindest dearest best fellow that ever lived the process by which this result was attained whatever the premises might have been stated by mr henry thus i claim to be always book keeping with a peculiar in every man s case and up a careful little account of good and evil with him i do this so that i am happy to tell you i find the most worthless of men to be the dearest old fellow too and am in a condition to make the gratifying report that there is much less difference than you are inclined to suppose between an honest man and a scoundrel the effect of this cheering discovery happened to be that while he seemed to be finding good in most men he did in reality lower it where it was and set it up where it was not but that was its only disagreeable or dangerous feature it scarcely seemed however to afford mr as much satisfaction as the had done the cloud that had never seen upon his face before that morning frequently it again and there was the same shadow of uneasy observation of him on the comely face of his wife more than once or twice when pet the dog it appeared to that her father was unhappy in seeing her do it and in one particular instance when stood on the other side of the dog and bent his head at the same time arthur fancied that he saw tears rise to mr s little eyes as he hurried out of the room it was either the fact too or he fancied | 8 |
with particular distinctness much obliged to you for your little john little s lover veiy soon laid down his penny on the toll plate of the iron bridge and came upon it looking about him for the and well beloved figure at first he feared she was not there but as he walked on towards the side he saw her standing still looking at the water she was absorbed in thought and he wondered what she might be thinking about there were the piles of city roofs and chimneys more free from smoke than on week days and there were the distant and perhaps she was thinking about them little little mused so long and was so entirely that although her lover stood quiet for what he thought was a long time and twice or thrice retired and came back again to the former spot still she did not move so in the end he made up his mind to go on and seem to come upon her casually in passing and speak to her the place was quiet and now or never was the time to speak to her he walked on and she did not appear to hear his steps until he was close upon her when he said miss she started and fell back from him with an expression in her face of fright and something like dislike that caused him unutterable dismay she had often avoided him before always indeed for a long long while she had turned away and glided off so often when she had seen him coming towards her that the unfortunate young john could not think it accidental but he had hoped that it might be shyness her retiring character her of the state of his heart anything short of aversion now that momentary look had said you of all people i would rather have seen any one on earth than you it was but a momentary look inasmuch as she checked it and said in her soft little voice oh mr john is it you but she felt what it had been as he felt what it had been and they stood looking at one another equally confused miss i am afraid i disturbed you by speaking to you yes rather i i came here to be alone and i thought i was miss i took the liberty of walking this way because mr chanced to mention when i called upon him just now that you she caused him more dismay than before by suddenly murmuring father father in a heart tone and turning her face away miss i hope i don t give you any uneasiness by mr i assure you i found him very well and in the best of spirits and he showed me even more than his usual kindness being so very kind as to say that i was not a stranger there and in all ways gratifying me very much to the consternation of her lover little with her hands to her averted face and rocking herself where she stood as if she were in pain murmured father how can you dear dear father how can you can you do it the poor fellow stood gazing at her overflowing with sympathy but not knowing what to make of this until having taken out her handkerchief and put it to her still averted face she hurried away at first he remained stock still then hurried after her miss pray will you have the goodness to stop a moment miss if it comes to that let me go i shall go out of my senses if i have to think that i have driven you away like this his trembling voice and earnestness brought little to a stop don t know what to do she cried i don t know what to do to young john who had never seen her of her quiet who had seen her from her infancy ever so and there was a shock in her distress and in having to associate himself with it as its cause that shook him from his great hat to the little pavement he felt it necessary to explain himself he might be misunderstood supposed to mean something or to have done something that had never entered into his imagination he begged her to hear him explain himself as the greatest favor she could show him miss i know very well that your family is far above mine it were vain to conceal it there never was a a gentleman that ever i heard of and i will not commit the meanness of making a false representation on a subject so miss i know very well that your high brother and likewise your spirited sister me from a what i have to do is to respect them to wish to be admitted to their friendship to look up at the eminence on which they are placed from my station for whether viewed as tobacco or viewed as the lock i well know it is lowly and ever wish them well and happy there really was a in the poor fellow and a contrast between the hardness of his hat and the softness of his heart perhaps of his head too that was moving little entreated him to neither himself nor his station and above all things to himself of any idea that she supposed hers to be superior this gave him a little comfort u miss he then stammered i have had for a long time ages they seem to me revolving ages a heart cherished wish to say something to you may i say it little involuntarily started from his side again with the faintest shadow of her former look conquering that she went on at great speed half across the bridge without replying may i miss i but ask the question humbly may i say it | 8 |
i have been so unlucky already in giving you pain without having any such intentions before the holy heavens that there is no fear of my saying it unless i have your leave i can be miserable alone i can be cut up by myself why should i also make miserable and cut up one that i would fling myself off that to give half a moment s joy to not that that s much to do for i d do it for the of his spirits and the of his appearance might have made him ridiculous but that his delicacy made him respectable little learnt from it what to do if you please john she returned trembling but in a quiet way since you are so considerate as to ask me whether you shall say any more if you please no never miss no if you please never oh lord gasped young john but perhaps you will let me instead say something to you i want to say it earnestly and with as plain a meaning as it is possible to express when you think of us john i mean my brother and sister and me don t think of us as being any different from the rest for whatever we once were which i hardly know we ceased to be long ago and never can be any more it will be much better for you and much better for others if you will do that instead of what you are doing now little young john protested that he would try to bear it in mind and would be heartily glad to do anything she wished as to me said little think as little of me as you can the less the better when you think of me at all john let it only be as the child you have seen grow up in the prison with one set of duties always occupying her as a weak retired contented girl i particularly want you to remember that when i come outside the gate i am and solitary he would try to do anything she wished but why did miss so much want him to remember that because returned little i know i can then quite trust you not to forget to day and not to say any more to me you are so generous that i know i can trust to you for that and i do and i always will i am going to show you at once that i fully trust you i like this place where we are speaking better than any place i know her slight color had faded but her lover thought he it coming back just then and i may be often here i know it is only necessary for me to tell you so to be quite sure that you will never come here again in search of me and i am quite sure she might rely upon it said young john he was a miserable wretch but her word was more than a law for him and good bye john said little and i hope you will have a good wife one day and be a happy man i am sure you will deserve to be happy and you will be john as she held out her hand to him with these words the heart that was under the waistcoat of mere work if the truth must be known swelled to the size of the heart of a gentleman and the poor common little fellow having no room to hold it burst into tears don t cry said little don t don t good bye john god bless you good bye miss good bye and so he left her first observing that she sat down on the corner of a seat and not only rested her little hand upon the rough wall but laid her face against it too as if her head were heavy and her mind were sad it was an affecting illustration of the of human projects to behold her lover with the great hat pulled over his eyes the velvet collar turned up as if it rained the colored coat to conceal the silken waistcoat of golden and the little direction post pointing home along by the worst back streets and as he went the following new inscription for a in saint george s churchyard here lie the mortal remains of never anything worth mentioning who died about the end of the year one thousand eight hundred and twenty six of a broken heart with his last breath that the word might be inscribed over his ashes which was accordingly directed to be done by his afflicted parents little chapter xix the father of the in two or three relations the brothers william and walking up and down the college yard of course on the aristocratic or pump side for the made it a point of his state to be of going among his children on the poor side except on sunday mornings christmas days and other occasions of ceremony in the whereof he was very punctual and at which times he laid his hand upon the heads of their and blessed those young with a that was highly the brothers walking up and down the together were a memorable sight the free was so bowed withered and faded william the bond was so and conscious of a position that in this regard only if in no other the brothers were a spectacle to wonder at they walked up and the yard on the evening of little s sunday interview with her lover on the iron bridge the cares of state were over for that day the drawing room had been well attended several new had taken place the three sixpence accidentally left on the table had accidentally increased to twelve shillings and the of the refreshed himself with | 8 |
a of cigar as he walked up and down his step to the of his brother not proud in his but considerate of that poor creature bearing with him and breathing of his in every little puff of smoke that issued from his lips and to get over the wall he was a sight to wonder at his brother of the dim eye hand bent form and groping mind at his side accepting his patronage as he accepted every incident of the world in which he had got lost he held the usual bit of brown paper in his hand from which he ever and again a spare pinch of snuff that taken he would glance at his brother not put his hands behind him and on so at his side until he took another pinch or stood still to look about him perchance suddenly missing his the college visitors were melting away as the shades of night drew on but the yard was still pretty full the being mostly out seeing their friends to the lodge as the brothers paced the yard william the bond looked about him to receive returned them by graciously lifting off his hat and with an engaging air prevented the free from running against the company or being against the wall the as a body were not easily but even they according to their various ways of wondering appeared to find in the two brothers a si ht to wonder at little you are a little low this evening said the father of the anything the matter the matter he stared for a moment and then dropped his head and eyes again no william no nothing is the matter if you could be persuaded to yourself up a little aye aye said the old man hurriedly but i can t be i can t be don t talk so that s all over the father of the glanced at a passing with whom he was on friendly terms as who should say an old man this but he is my brother sir my brother and the voice of nature is potent and his brother clear of the handle of the pump by the sleeve nothing would have been wanting to the perfection of his character as a guide philosopher and friend if he had only his brother clear of ruin instead of bringing it upon him i think william said the object of his affectionate consideration that i am tired and will go home to bed my dear returned the other don t let me detain you don t sacrifice your inclinations to me late hours and a heated atmosphere and years i suppose said me my dear returned the father of the do you think you are sufficiently careful of yourself do you think your habits are as precise and as shall i say as mine are not to again to that little which i mentioned just now i doubt if you take air and exercise enough here is the parade always at your service why not use it more regularly than you do sighed the other yes yes yes yes but it is of no use saying yes yes my dear the father of the in his mild wisdom persisted unless you act on that assent consider my case i am a kind of example necessity and time have taught me what to do at certain stated hours of the day you will find me on the parade in my room in the lodge reading the paper receiving company eating and drinking i have impressed upon during many years that i must have my meals for instance has grown up in a sense of the importance of these arrangements and you know what a good girl she is the brother only sighed again as he along yes yes yes yes my dear fellow said the father of the laying his hand upon his shoulder and mildly him mildly because of his weakness poor dear soul you said that before and it not express much even if it means much i wish i could rouse you my good you want to be roused yes william yes no doubt returned the other lifting his dim eyes to his face but i am not like you the father of the said with a shrug of modest oh you might be like me my dear you little might be if you chose mid in the of his strength to press his fallen brother further there was a deal of leave taking going on in corners as was usual on sunday nights and here and there in the dark some poor woman wife or mother was weeping with a new the time had been when the father himself had wept in the shades of that yard as his own poor wife had wept but it was many years ago and now he was like a passenger aboard ship in a long voyage who has recovered from sea sickness and is impatient of that weakness in the passengers taken aboard at the last port he was inclined to and to express his opinion that people who couldn t get on without crying had no business there in manner if not in words he always his displeasure at these of the general harmony and it was so well understood that usually withdrew if they were aware of him on this sunday evening he accompanied his brother to the gate with an air of endurance and being in a bland temper and graciously disposed to overlook the tears in the of the lodge several were some taking leave of visitors and some who had no visitors watching the frequent turning of the key and conversing with one another and with mr the paternal entrance made a sensation of course and mr touching his hat in a short manner though with his key hoped he found himself tolerable | 8 |
his own knowledge of his meaning i ha i can t think what it s owing to i am sure i cannot imagine what the cause of it is there was a certain here once a of the name of i don t think you can remember him my dear you were very yoimg and hem and he had a brother and this young brother paid his addresses to at least did not go so far as to pay his addresses to but admired respectfully admired the not the daughter the sister of one of us a rather distinguished i may say very much so his name was captain martin and he consulted me on the question whether it was necessary that his daughter sister should hazard offending the brother by being too ha too plain with the other brother captain martin was a gentleman and a man of honor and i put it to him first to give me his his own opinion captain martin highly respected in the army then said that it appeared to him that his hem sister was not called upon to understand the young man too distinctly and that she might lead him on i am doubtful whether lead him on was captain martin s exact expression indeed i think he said him on her father s i should say brother s account i hardly know how i have strayed into this story i suppose it has been through being unable to account for but as to the connection between the two i don t see his voice died away as if she could not bear the pain of hearing him and her hand had gradually crept to his lips for a little while there a dead silence and stillness and he remained shrunk in his chair and she remained with her arm round his neck and her head bowed down upon his shoulder his supper was cooking in a on the fire and when she moved it was to make it ready for him on the table he took his usual seat she took hers and he began his meal they did not as yet look at one another by little and little he began laying down his knife and fork with a noise taking things up sharply biting at his bread as if he were offended with it and in other similar ways that he was out of sorts at length he pushed his plate from him and spoke aloud with the strangest little ut what does it matter whether i eat or starve what does it matter whether such a life as mine comes to an end now next week or next year what am i worth to any one a poor prisoner fed on and broken a disgraced wretch father father as he rose she went on her knees to him and held up her hands to him he went on in a suppressed voice trembling violently and looking at her as wildly as if he had gone mad i tell you if you could see me as your mother saw me you wouldn t believe it the creature you have only looked at through the bars of this cage i was young i was accomplished i was good looking i was independent by god i was child and people sought me out and envied me envied me dear father she tried to take down the shaking arm that he flourished in the air but he resisted and put her hand away if i had but a picture of myself in those days though it was ever so ill done you would be proud of it you would be proud of it but i have no such thing let me be a warning let no man he cried looking about fail to preserve at least that little of the times of his prosperity and respect let his children have that clue to what he was unless my face when i am dead into the long departed look they say such things happen i don t know my children will have never seen me father father despise me despise me look away from me don t listen to me stop me blush for me cry for me even you do it do it i do it to myself i am hardened now i have sunk too low to care long even for that dear father loved father darling of my heart she was clinging to him with her arms and she got him to drop into his chair again and caught at the raised arm and tried to put it round her neck let it lie there father look at me father kiss me father only think of me father for one little moment still he went on in the same wild way though it was gradually breaking down into a miserable and yet i have some respect here i have made some stand against it i am not quite trodden down go out and ask who is the chief person in the place they ll tell you it s your father go out and ask who is never with and who is always treated with some delicacy they ll say your father go out and ask what funeral here it must be here i know it can be else will make more talk and perhaps more grief than any that has ever gone out at the gate they ll say your father s well then is your father so universally despised is there nothing to redeem him will you have nothing to remember him by but his ruin and decay will you be able to have no affection for him when he is gone poor gone he burst into tears of pity | 8 |
for himself and at length suffering her to embrace him and take charge of him let his grey head rest against her check and his wretchedness presently he little changed the subject of his and clasping his hands about her as she embraced him cried his forlorn child the days that he had seen her careful and laborious for him then he to himself and weakly told her how much better she would have loved him if she had known him in his vanished character and how he would have married her to a gentleman who should have been proud of her as his daughter and how at which he cried again she should first have ridden at his side on her own horse and how the crowd by which he meant in effect the people who had given him the twelve shillings he then had in his pocket should have the dusty roads respectfully thus now now despairing in either fit a captive with the jail rot upon him and the of his prison worn into the grain of his soul he revealed his state to his affectionate child no one else ever beheld him in the details of his humiliation little the who were laughing in their rooms over his late address in the lodge what a serious picture they had in their obscure gallery of the that sunday night there was a classical daughter once perhaps who to her father in his prison as her mother had to her little though of the modern stock and mere english did much more in comforting her father s wasted heart upon her innocent breast and turning to it a fountain of love and fidelity that never ran dry or through all his years of famine she soothed him asked him for his forgiveness if she had been or seemed to have been told him heaven knows truly that she could not honor him more if he were the favorite of fortune and the whole world acknowledged him when his tears were dried and he sobbed in his weakness no longer and free from that touch of shame and had recovered his usual bearing she prepared the remains of his supper afresh and sitting by his side rejoiced to see him eat and drink for now he sat in his black velvet cap and old grey gown again and would have himself towards any who might have looked in to ask his advice like a great moral lord or master of the ceremonies of the to keep his attention engaged she talked with him about his wardrobe when he was pleased to say that yes indeed those shirts she proposed would be exceedingly acceptable for those he had were worn out and being ready made had never fitted him being and in a reasonable flow of spirits he then invited her attention to his coat as it hung behind the door remarking that the father of the place would set an indifferent example to his children already disposed to be if he went among them out at elbows he was too as to the of his shoes but became grave on the subject of his and promised her that when she could afford it she should buy him a new one while he smoked out his cigar in peace she made his bed and put the small room in order for his repose being weary then owing to the advanced hour and his emotions he came out of his chair to bless her and wish her good night all this time he had never once thought little of her dress her shoes her need of anything so other person upon earth save herself could have been so of her wants he kissed her many times with bless you my love good night my dear but her gentle breast had been so deeply wounded by what she had seen of him that she was unwilling to leave him alone lest he should lament and despair again father dear i am not tired let me come back presently when you are in bed and sit by you he asked her with an air of protection if she felt solitary yes father then come back by all means my love i shall be very quiet father don t think of me my dear he said giving her his kind permission fully come back by all means he seemed to be when she returned and she put the low fire together very softly lest she should awake him but he overheard her and called out was that only father my child come here i want to say a word to you he raised himself a little in his low bed as she beside it to bring her face near him and put his hand between hers both the private father and the father of the were strong within him then love you have had a life of hardship here companions no many cares i am afraid don t think of that dear i never do you know my position i have not been able to do much for you but all i have been able to do i have done yes my dear father she rejoined kissing him i know i know i am in the twenty third year of my life here he said with a catch in his breath that was not so much a sob as an irrepressible sound of self approval the momentary outburst of a noble consciousness it is all i could do for my children i have done it my love you are by far the best loved of the three i have had you principally in my mind whatever i have done for your sake my dear child i have done freely and without murmuring only the wisdom that holds the clue to all hearts and all mysteries can surely know to what | 8 |
extent a man especially a man brought down as this man had been can impose upon himself enough for the present place that he lay down with wet serene in a manner majestic after his life of degradation as a sort of portion on the devoted child upon whom its miseries had fallen so heavily and whose love alone had saved him to be even what he was that child had no doubts asked herself no questions for she was but too content to see him with a lustre round his head poor dear good dear truest kindest dearest were the only words she had for him as she hushed him to rest she never left him all that night as if she had done him a wrong which her tenderness could hardly repair she sat by him in his sleep at times softly kissing him with suspended breath and calling him in a whisper by some name at times she stood aside so as not little c to the low fire light and watching him when it fell upon his sleeping face wondered did he look now at all as he had looked when he was prosperous and happy as he had so touched her by imagining that he might look once more in that awful time at the thought of that time she beside his bed again and prayed spare his life save him to me look down upon my dear long suffering unfortunate much changed dear dear father not until the morning came to protect him and encourage him did she give him a last kiss and leave the small room when she had stolen down stairs and along the empty yard and had crept up to her own high garret the and the distant country hills were over the wall in the clear morning as she gently opened the window and looked eastward down the prison yard the upon the wall were tipped with red then made a sullen purple pattern on the sun as it came up into the heavens the had never looked so sharp and cruel nor the bars so heavy nor the prison space so gloomy and contracted she thought of the sunrise on rolling rivers of the sunrise on wide seas of the sunrise on rich of the sunrise on great forests where the birds were waking and the trees were rustling and she looked down into the living grave on which the sun had risen with her in it three and twenty years and said in a burst of sorrow and compassion t o no i have never seen him in my life chapter xx moving in society if young john had had the inclination and the power to write a satire on family pride he would have had no need to go for an illustration out of the family of his beloved he would have found it amply in that gallant brother and that dainty sister so in mean experiences and so conscious of the family name so ready to beg or borrow from the poorest to eat of anybody s bread spend anybody s money drink from anybody s cup and break it afterwards to have painted the sordid facts of their lives and they throughout the death s head apparition of the family to come and scare their would have made young john a of the first water tip had turned his liberty to hopeful account by becoming a he had troubled himself so little as to the means of his release that scarcely needed to have been at the pains of the mind of mr on that subject whoever had paid him the compliment he very readily accepted the compliment with compliments and there was an end of it issuing forth from the gate on these easy terms he became a and occasionally looked in at the little ground in a green little coat second hand with a shining collar and bright buttons new and drank the beer of the one solid stationary point in the of this gentleman s character was that he respected and admired his sister the feeling had never induced him to spare her a moment s uneasiness or to put himself to any restraint or inconvenience on her account but with that taint upon his love he loved her the same rank flavor was to be recognised in his distinctly perceiving that she sacrificed her life to her father and in his having no idea that she had done anything for himself when this spirited young man and his sister had begun to produce the family skeleton for the over of the college this narrative cannot precisely state probably at about the period when they began to dine on the college charity it is certain that the more reduced and they were the more the skeleton emerged from its tomb and that when there was anything particularly shabby in the wind the skeleton always came out with the little was late on the monday morning for her father slept late and afterwards there was his breakfast to prepare and his room to arrange she had no engagement to go out to work however and therefore stayed with him until with s help she had put everything right about him and had seen him off upon his morning walk of twenty yards or so to the coffee house to read the paper she then got on her bonnet and went out having been anxious to get out much sooner there was as usual a of the small talk in the lodge as she passed through it and a who had come in on saturday night received the intimation from the elbow of a more look out here she is she wanted to see her sister but when she got round to mr s she found that both her sister and her uncle had gone to the theatre where they were engaged having | 8 |
taken thought of this probability by the way and having settled that in such case she would follow them she set off afresh for the theatre which was on that side of the river and not very far away little was almost as ignorant of the ways of theatres as of the ways of gold mines and when she was directed to a sort of door with a curious up all night air about it that appeared to be ashamed of itself and to be hiding in an alley she hesitated to approach it being further by the sight of some half dozen close shaved gentlemen with their hats very strangely on who were lounging about the door looking not at all unlike on her applying to them reassured by this resemblance for a direction to miss they made way for her to enter a dark hall it was more like a great grim lamp gone out than anything else where she could hear the distant playing of music and the sound of dancing feet a man so much in want of that he had a blue mould upon him sat watching this dark place from a hole in a corner like a spider and he told her that he would send a message up to miss by the first lady or gentleman who went through the first lady who went through had a roll of music half in her and half out of it and little d r ut was ill such a tumbled condition altogether that it seemed as if it would be an act of kindness to iron her but as she was very and said come with me i ll soon find for you miss s sister went with her wing nearer and nearer at every step she took in the darkness to the sound of music and the sound of dancing feet at last they came into a of dust where a quantity of people were tumbling over one another and where there was such a confusion of unaccountable shapes of beams bulk heads brick walls ropes and and such a mixing of and daylight that they seemed to have got on the wrong side of the pattern of the universe little left to herself and knocked against by somebody every moment was quite bewildered when she heard her sister s voice why good gracious what ever brought you here i wanted to see you dear and as i am going out all day to morrow and knew you might be engaged all day to day i thought but the idea of you coming behind i never did as her sister said this in no very cordial tone of welcome she conducted her to a more open part of the where various golden chairs and tables were heaped together and where a number of young ladies were sitting on anything they could find chattering all these young ladies wanted and all had a curious way of looking every where while they just as the sisters arrived here a monotonous boy in a scotch cap put his head round a beam on the left and said less noise there ladies and disappeared immediately after which a gentleman a quantity of long black hair looked round a beam on the right and said less noise there and also disappeared the notion of you among is really the last thing i could have conceived said her sister why how did you ever get here i don t know the lady who told you i was here was so good as to bring me in like you quiet little things you can make your way anywhere i believe couldn t have managed it though i know so much more of the world it was the family custom to lay it down as family law that she was a plain domestic little creature without the great and sage experiences of the rest this family fiction was the family assertion of itself against her services not to make too much of them well and what have you got on your mind of course you have got something on your mind about me said she spoke as if her sister between two and three years her junior were her prejudiced grandmother it is not much but since you told me of the lady who gave you the the monotonous boy put his head round the beam on the left and said look out there ladies and disappeared the gentleman with the black hair as suddenly put his head round the beam on the right and said look out there and also disappeared little thereupon all the young ladies rose and began shaking their skirts out behind well said doing as the rest did what were you going to say since yon told me a lady had given you the you showed me i have not been quite easy on your account and indeed want to know a little more if you will confide more to me now ladies said the boy in the scotch cap now said the gentleman with the black hair they were every one gone in a moment and the music and the dancing feet were heard again little sat down in a golden chair made quite giddy by these rapid her sister and the rest were a long time gone and during their absence a voice it appeared to be that of the gentleman with the black hair was continually calling out through the music one two three four five six go one two three four five six go steady one two three four five six go ultimately the voice stopped and they all came back again more or less out of breath folding themselves in their and making ready for the streets stop a moment and let them get away before us whispered they were soon left alone nothing more important happening | 8 |
in the meantime than the boy looking round his old beam and saying everybody at eleven to morrow ladies and the gentleman with the black hair looking round his old beam and saying everybody at eleven to morrow each in his own accustomed manner when they were alone something was rolled up or by other means got out of the way and there was a great empty well before them looking down into the depths of which said now uncle little as her eyes became used to the darkness faintly made him out at the bottom of the well in an obscure corner by himself with his instrument in its ragged case under his arm the old man looked as if the remote high gallery windows with their little strip of sky might have been the point of his better fortunes from which he had descended until he had gradually sunk down below there to the bottom he had been in that place six nights a week for many years but had never been observed to raise his eyes above his music book and was confidently believed to have never seen a play there were legends in the place that he did not so much as know the popular heroes and by sight and that the low had at him in his richest manner fifty nights for a and he had shown no trace of consciousness the had a joke to the effect that he was dead without being aware of it and the of the pit supposed him to pass his whole life night and day and sunday and all in the they had tried him a few times with of snuff offered over the rails and he had always responded to this attention with a momentary waking up of that had the pale phantom of a gentleman in it beyond this he never on any occasion had any other part in what was going on than the part written out for the in private life where there was no part for the he had no part at all some said little he was poor some said he was a wealthy but he said nothing never lifted up his bowed head never varied his by getting his foot from the ground though expecting now to be summoned by his niece he did not hear her until she had spoken to him three or four times nor was he at all surprised by the presence of two instead of one but merely said in his tremulous voice i am coming i am coming and crept forth by some way which a smell and so said her sister when the three together passed out at the door that had such a shame faced consciousness of being different from other doors the uncle instinctively taking s arm as the arm to be relied on so you are curious about me she was pretty and conscious and rather and the condescension with which she put aside the superiority of her charms and of her worldly experience and addressed her sister on almost equal terms had a vast deal of the family in it i am interested and concerned in anything that concerns you so you are so you are and you are the best of if i am ever a little provoking i am sure you ll consider what a thing it is to occupy my position and feel a consciousness of being superior to it i shouldn t care said the daughter of the father of the if the others were not so common of them have come down in the world as we have they are all on their own level common little mildly looked at the speaker but did not interrupt her took out her handkerchief and rather angrily wiped her eyes i was not born where you were you know and perhaps that makes a difference my dear child when we get rid of uncle you shall know all about it we ll drop him at the cook s shop where he is going to dine they walked on witli him until they came to a dirty shop window in a dirty street which was made almost by the steam of hot vegetables and but glimpses were to be caught of a roast leg of pork bursting into tears of sage and in a metal full of of an piece of roast beef and hot in a similar of a stuffed of in rapid cut of a ham in a perspiration with the pace it was going at of a shallow of baked potatoes together by their own richness of a or two of boiled and other substantial within were a few wooden behind which such customers as found it more convenient to take away their dinners in their than in their hands packed their purchases in solitude opening her as they surveyed these things produced from that a shilling and handed it to uncle uncle after not looking at it a little while divined its object and muttering dinner ha yes yes yes slowly vanished from them into the mist sow said her sister come with me if you are not too tired to walk to street square the air with which she threw off this distinguished address and the toss she gave her new bonnet which was more than serviceable little made her sister wonder however she expressed her readiness to go to street and thither they directed their steps arrived at that grand destination ont the house and knocking at the door for mrs the footman who opened the door although he had powder on his head and was backed up by two other likewise powdered not only admitted mrs to be at home but asked to walk in walked in taking her sister with her and they went up stairs with powder going before and powder stopping behind and were left in a spacious drawing | 8 |
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