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am i ever going to be happy? | it's been this way for years now, when will it end? | 1 |
My bf (27) denies name calling me (26) | Every time we watch tv together, I get so annoyed because he’s so easily distracted then asks me what’s going on. He doesn’t seem to follow very well and it’s annoying always having to explain the most obvious things.
Last night we were watching a show, all while he had RuneScape running on the laptop next to him and he kept asking me questions. I obviously sound annoyed when I try to explain to him.
He then snapped and said “why do you have to get on like a *b word*”
I got super upset and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the night or this morning.
He’s done this before, saying I’m ‘getting on like a *c word*’. Then denies that he called me anything, but rather he said I’m acting LIKE it.
I just feel like saying “like” is still just as bad as straight up calling me a *b word*. Actually, i think he’s trying to play smart about it, getting it out of his system by saying “like a *b word*” rather than .
I’ve been icing him out, and he hasn’t apologized. I’m hurting really badly because I just don’t understand why it was necessary to call me a *b word*. He could’ve expressed himself in a different way.
I’m not sure what to do. I don’t think I should approach him first. For once I wish he’d come to me and apologize first. | 1 |
Same state as a year ago | So my gf and I broke up recently, we've just been together for about a year, but the point is I've been in a pretty rough shape when we first met but since then it went upwards, it only took one week until we were in a Relation and the first time we've met was the best night in my whole life, I've never talked that much with so much interest to anyone and I've really only knew her for about a hour at this moment. I just want to make this post to get my mind sorted. So she really was a blessing, things were still hard, but there was some one, someone who I love and I knew who was there for me, I could talk to her all the time. All the time she was lying in my arms were the best time I've ever had. But I've helped her too, she just moved to where I'm living cause she had a suicide attempt and couldn't stand it where she had been anymore. We were at parties together and when she was down had pannik attacks or so I was there for her, I've read books for her too sleep because then I was Shure she wasn't staying up all night thinking and so on. She was someone I've cared about, the only person I really cared about, and she really gave me something to care. But now, her mental state went down, lower and lower so she wanted to break up to not have to tell me every bit she thought and think it through with me together because this was hard too. Now I'm all on my own, at the point where I was about a year ago, I've lost everything. My only nightmare in this great time was that she would be leaving me and now I'm all alone. Nothing to care about, nothing too look forward for. And if I were to let her know that I'd still love her, no matter what, I'd be a asshole because it'll probably make it harder for her... I don't wanna go to sleep anymore because I know she won't be there when I wake up. | 2 |
Blindsided breakup | Try to make it short, I work offshore 5 weeks on sea5 weeks off. So i was so excited viking Home to my gf and warm Weather. My gf just suddenly changed on me, we have had som problems like most couple we agreed on working it out and talk about out to improve when i got Home.
When I got Home she seems so different, she was planing going to a local festival. She slept over at guy i have never Even heard about both Nights. Sunday is my third day Home i felt so angry, betrayed and empty. They did not sleep together or antyding but he Tried making a move and got rejected. I really wanna beat him.
We have lived together for 2 years now and she just moved out. I just want it back but she wont Even respond or talk to me. I am fucking empty three weeks havne gone by. I work out, eat Heathy meditate and go to therapy. Just want her back in my life.
- M25 | 1 |
Crohn's, in medicated psychosis hell, had everything going for me 5 years ago and then caved to anti psychotics | I can't bring the energy to move. No one wants to be my friend and I'm miserable. I don't know what's going to come of me and I'm scared. | 1 |
I hope this is the last time I go to bed | God, what a gift that would be.
Goodnight y’all. Or good morning. Hope you guys are doing better than I am. | 2 |
What’s wrong with me? | This isn’t a total post about depression or anything I’m just fucking lost and confused and it really fucks with me.
So a few months ago my fiancé and I separated and i moved away because of it, I went through a very long patch of depression due to the obvious fact that my entire future I had planned has gone down the drain. But what this post is about is actually just me asking on what the fuck I need to change to actually get a girl to come over or want me to come to theirs. I have no fucking game anymore, I don’t get many matches on tinder or other dating app , I’ve completely changed my appearance and style of clothing all to what I see seems to work for my new friends but still nothing. Like I’ve slept with 2 girls since and they were far from what I’d usually go for because I was desperate for just physical contact with someone and they ended up ghosting me in the end and if I actually get to the social media swap stage and plan to link up every single time they bail last minute, I don’t double text, I’m quick at replying but nothing that’s too quick and makes me look desperate and I’ve been told I’m good looking by people but I just don’t believe it and It’s driving me insane because all I can think about is the fact that my fiancé found it so easy to move on and find all these people to sleep with and get that sexual gratification and connection I’m so so so tucking desperate for. | 1 |
Feeling terrible after a counseling session | I feel the therapist didn't give me enough time and space to proceed with my thoughts and feelings, instead was in hurry to give me generic intervensions such as telling me to exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, or do breathing techniques etc. She literally read all of that stuff while telling me. I already know what to do and all the stuff she mentioned, it's just I'm not ready to be there yet as I'm still processing so much with my emotions and thoughts. | 1 |
prozac alternatives? | i’ve been prescribed prozac for 3 years now for my severe depression. i’ve always been hesitant about medication, i really like to stay away from big pharma. prozac has always worked and i never experienced any side effects. i haven’t taken my prozac in about 2 months now and everyday i’m dealing with unbearable sadness, guilt, and grief. i know i should be taking my medicine but i’m just looking for a more natural alternative that will be just as effective if not more.any suggestions?? | 1 |
I don’t know what to do anymore (TW:SI) | I’ve been struggling with chronic depression (and other MI/disabilities) since I’ve been 10 (i’m 20 now) and NOTHING ever helped me.
I was in and out of mental hospitals since 2016, 15 times in total, i’ve taken sertraline, venlafaxin, mirtazapine and other meds. They just made it worse.
Tw attempts:
I’ve tried to commit at 14,15,16 years old.
I’ve gone to therapy for 2 years. I’m in the mental hospital again since February and nothing has changed.
I can’t go to work, can’t find a way to graduate and the government in my country makes it extra hard to get money as a jobless (mentally ill) person.
Why shouldn’t i just give up atp and 🪦? | 1 |
Help | I'm exhausted doing all this introspection, trying to progress why cant I just exist without feeling like there's something wrong all the time, I hate that I let things outside of myself control my mental state, I hate that I want or need things to be okay, I'm sick of food, I'm sick of sleep, I'm sick of myself, im sick of wanting someone to care and whenever I reach out getting buried in silence, I don't know how long I'm expected to live like this, to be isolated, to forever be trying my best but continually being forced back into a box, how long does real positive change take? Cause I'm trying my best but it doesn't seem good enough and I'm becoming impatient, I can't do this for another decade I don't want to love like this anymore. | 2 |
Help, I'm back to hell | 3 years ago I (28 female) had a burnout and decided to quit my job. My bosses wanted to enforce the non-compete clause in my employment contract after I left. I tried to negotiate. They knew I was a junior recruiter (25 at the time) and my position was not a threat, I didn't have much experience and after Covid I would struggle finding another job in my area, anywhere else than at competitors. They knew about my mental health, and despite all that, they deliberately enforced the clause.
I struggled for 2 years (the time of application), as predicted. I lived in fear that I would get stalked and sued. So to get out of that hell, I had to file a case at the labor court/employment tribunal. It was hard, a little bit ugly and they pushed and pushed as long as they could.
After waiting for a year now, last June I finally obtained the judge's ruling : I won the case.
I was supposed to get the few compensatory damages soon.
My former employer decided to appeal, the last day of the prescription limit.
... I found out yesterday. I was crushed.
I spent 3 years in hell, during which my depression (due to lots of reasons) got deeper. I went to therapy.
I decided for my mental health, to abandon the lawsuit. I'm not strong enough.
I'm not a person to them, I'm just a file on their pile of lawsuits. It's not personal, it's not even about me, they appealed just because they could.
Despite that, I feel f@cked. And weak, like a coward. I know I'm not the problem. But I won't get justice for myself.
People around me says "welcome to adult life/capitalist world/worklife" like everyone excepted that, even though they supported me. They also say "so that's it ? you're giving up ?", but they don't know how string I had to be so far and that my limit has been reached.
I talked to my shrink, he said I'm taking the right decision.
I know I will move on eventually, but in the meantime, now I feel depressed.
How to get through it ? I feel alone with all my feelings and dark thoughts.
Thank you for your attention and for reading it all ❤️ | 1 |
Why is life so boring and limited? | I’m 21 and I cannot stress how people life is, I don’t have a job nor do I have any friends and my summer just feels boring. I have absolutely no connection with my siblings and they’re extremely annoying. My mom comes home from work always yelling because our siblings constantly make a mess and it just annoys me.
The only thing I usually do is watch anime and use Twitter but whenever I use Twitter and post stuff I rarely get any likes despite having 6K followers which just makes my day boring because I really want people to interact with my posts, and I always get jealous whenever someone posts someone and it easily gets 1K+ likes. The past few months of Twitter I’ve had people ignore me in GCs and constantly antagonize me just trying to get under my skin, and I have intense anger issues. My anger issues are so bad, I always have to keep calm and quiet because whenever I get angry, I get shaky and my anger flashes and then it’s gone.
Most of time whenever I’m angry, I dream about physically hurting people and beating them senselessly, and whenever I do that I get hyperactive and then calm down. I just don’t understand what life is, and I really think life is boring. No I didn’t go to college, no I don’t drive. I graduated HS and just stayed home and I barely have anything to do for the summer except watch some anime. Life is just the same bs over and over again. People are annoying, people are uninteresting, and I despise people because they always have some sort of conflict with me, this dates back in HS. I’ve started to oversleep, and now I’ve lost some weight despite being so skinny.
I don’t think anyone will see this, but I just had to let my thoughts out because I don’t find life at all pleasing and it’s society is very annoying and toxic filled with people that don’t care about others. | 1 |
Which is worse | I’m going to attempt to commit suicide and I want to know which option is worse.
The first one is to simply jump off a building.
The second is to starve and dehydrate myself to death. Those are the only two that I’m willing to try. | 2 |
No place for me in this world | So I was depressed after work and didn’t want to go home. Went to hide in the library but then my stupid stomach made noises bc it was hungry, and I had to leave. I got no appetite to eat. Omg just gimme a break for f*** sake!!! | 1 |
what do you do when nothing helps? | I’ve been on so many different medications and therapy just never seems to help me feel any better I don’t know what to do | 1 |
Wanting to hide myself from the world | It feels like it’s engraved in my brain to be this awful human. There’s nothing I can do to change who I am. I could take any medicine in the world to make the pain subside but it wouldn’t stop me from making bad choices. I can try my best to practice being resilient and loving but it’s just not me.
It’s because of that why I will never be compatible with anything positive in this world. Ever since I was very young I wanted to run away and hide from everybody, hoping they would forget about me. Eventually I would run out of resources and die somehow. This is what I feel I deserve for being such a terrible person. Sure there are some good things about me, but the negatives clearly outweigh anything positive. I wish everyone just knew I was sorry. | 13 |
I need to be held | I feel so empty and I’m craving the touch of another person. I don’t want sex, just intimacy. Someone to sleep beside me and give me the illusion that I’m cared for and wanted. I’m not willing to trade sex for it so I lie here alone yet another night | 22 |
I Wish I Wasn't An "Incel"? | Its hard for me to believe, but my life has become a self-fulfilling prophecy, one of being: A loser who lives with his parents at 27 with nothing to support nor show for myself, and to make matters even worse I've recently been ghosted twice, by people who I assumed I was on good terms with.. I hate what I've become, I hate whatever I am. And while there are positive qualities within me, it feels like its overshadowed by everything negatively affecting me right now.. I don't know where to go from here, seriously, I'm clueless. What do I do? I want to contribute to society in a meaningful way but I don't know how, I don't know who to turn to, how to escape from this rut.. :/ | 8 |
A vent | I consider myself as a weird depressed person. I have always been depressed even when i had things to be grateful for. But recently it just got worse. I lost my sibling 6 months ago a person who felt like a comfort space to me, my go to human for anything. She used to be there for me when i had my breakdowns i was never happy but i had something then. Now I don't feel anything. My graduation is coming to an end worst possible timing if you ask me the pressure, the uncertainty of future are not helping my situation. I have put on a mask for past 6 months pretending to be okay when iam not. Iam done i lost my balance last month and there were days when i questioned myself what am i doing this for. My family doesn't pressurize iam enough to achieve my self destruction. My thoughts, my actions, my 0 will is enough to destroy me.
Friends don't feel the same anymore. It was okay when i was pretending but it's not the same anymore. It doesn't feel like anyone cares. One minor inconvenience is enought to trigger me which will lead to a huge wave of depression, breakdowns and angry outbursts.
Idk what iam doing anymore. I want to skip, runaway or end it all. Can't do either of it ;)
Impulsively posting random stuff that came into my mind as i recently started acting on my impulses more frequently.. | 1 |
im so tired man. | im very tired of trying and tired of everything never working out for my family/parents. all the places around me are hiring for someone more experienced and its driving me up the fucking wall. im so sick of also not having really any friends or relationships. im so tired. im tired of being here . god its so annoying hahahahhahahahhahaa. but i have to keep trying but i dont want to anymore ya know? i also hate being a virgin too (19m) fyi, anyways i doubt anyone will read this. probably for the best tbh | 13 |
I'm a waste of a human | I don't provide anything to society and the world would be a better place if I didn't exist. I wish I wasn't born to begin with, and my existence is a waste of space | 7 |
It's almost my bday but it doesn't feel real | My birthday is in 3 days, I'll be 23.
I have a dog, a husband, good friends and hopefully soon a job but I just don't have the will to live. On paper my life seems pretty nice
I have a husband but we don't have sex or sleep in the same room, it's been about a year and a half now and there's been no improvement. I haven't been able to hold down a job that I actually enjoy in years now. I have major depressive disorder and bipolar 2. Everyday I wake up, walk the dog, make coffee and then just exist the whole day. The only thing I've found that helps is weed but we're poor and just can't afford it. I can't even drink anymore because I just immediately throw up from it.
I am on medicine, it just doesn't help enough. Idk, I just don't have the will to keep going. I will, I have a little brother that needs me but every other thought is just not wanting to be alive. I dont know how to keep going. I've been existing for so long I forgot what it's like to feel alive, to feel truly happy.
My birthday is in 3 days, I'm not going to celebrate it. We just don't have the money to but I might have some friends over. I honestly never expected to make it to 23 so it's kinda crazy to me. I don't know how to feel about it. On one hand I don't want to make it to 23, I don't want to keep going but on the other hand I'm kinda proud that I've manto make it this far.
This is mainly a vent post but If anyone has any advice on how I can do more then exist I'd love to know.
TLDR: I'm turning 23 but I don't really want to. I don't want to keep existing everyday but I also want to watch my little brother grow up. I'm just tired. | 2 |
I can genuinely kill myself and no one would care. | I don’t care what’s anyone says anymore. I’m tired of putting up a happy fucking persona just to get by. A gloomy, intimidating personality just to get by. I don’t care anymore. The next time I cry is the next time I hang from a tree, splatter my brains on the forest floor, bleed out, jump. No one cares. I’ve seen it all. I’m tired of playing a role I don’t believe is me anymore. I’m just so fucking tired. I hate my body, my personality. I tried to change, but I can’t. I fucked myself over. I have no one, but me and my voice. It’s not real. | 139 |
Death or just a new start? | I wanna apologize for how long this got. I'm fine really, but I felt this was something needing to be said, and maybe it relates and connects some dots for others and hopefully saves some people. The profound reality of self reliance. Maybe someone needed to read this to reground themselves.
I have pondered death several times. And what always stuck out to me is I couldn't just die.... No, I would need some grandiose act to happen, some attempted heroics or at least a hugely dramatic display of suicide...
I've realized I don't wanna die, I want to be seen, I want to be heard. I want to be cared for. I want to feel the sincerity of that care from those around me, not just told "you matter".
I've come to a messed up conclusion that, I couldn't just disappear and start a new, cuz I wanna be able to see/read/hear if anyone noticed or cared, and thus I cant just die, cuz I obviously wouldn't be able to know any of that.
The actual sad but great reality is that....you're nothing. Just another human amongst a billion, PLUS the quadrillion and more other species..... Even if you had a hundred people care for you, it ends up not meaning shit. However, it also means you won't fuck up the world...so profound.
I think, to be honest, this just stems from hearing a bunch of bullshit. Having support from family and whatever when you're going through some shit, but...realizing they're mostly doing it out of a fake obligation.
I'm just tired of liars, ya know? Let's be honest, there are several of us where if we died, yeah it'd suck and hurt the family and such....but, at the same time, they'd have A sense of relief, which they'd most likely feel guilty for but it's true. Not that they wished you dead, just that, now that it's happened and over...we can finally breathe
I think it should be talked about more, but I don't know how exactly. I believe a lot of people are feeling this desire to vanish, but mostly only because they want to force an honest opinion/answer out of the people around them. I feel most suicides follow through because they gave too many subtle chances for the loved ones to speak up and prove themselves and are done waiting for an answer. But the key here is, the suicidal was only giving subtle riddles and not openly speaking out.
But I get it...my brother currently is helping me dramatically, yet... I feel like just a burden and he's only doing it because I'm family. Not because he actually cares and believes me, but simply that "obligation" that "family must stick together" bs....
And I admit, I haven't tried talking openly because I don't know how or where to start. It feels dumb as fuck and somehow weaker than vanishing, whether through death or just leaving without a notice.
I think one of the hardest/saddest things you can experience is jail for at least a few months. Forget the bs on the inside....I'm talking about the realization you were nothing. Looking out the window and seeing life move on without a stutter, not even knowing you're missing. Your job been filled, that highway doesn't know you're not on it today. The desire to be in stop and go traffic when normally you're bitching about it, but now you'd do anything to be stuck in traffic for 2 or more hours rather than locked up...and that only feeds back into the reality that, how close are you really to your family? Your time doesn't mean anything other than they feel bad for you...
So, life's what you make it, regardless of the bs you've been through, your own fault or not. Reality is, no-one is truly there or could ever understand what you're feeling and why. We can't live for the acceptance of those around us, that only leads to the end of us. we must live for ourselves, and no not greedy POS's, but just simply, no-one can love NOR hate you the same as yourself. We are our own worst enemy and our greatest strength, but we confuse and project all that on others and fall to stupidity. | 1 |
Finally went to the doctors and question about antidepressants. | So I just came back from my general care doctor or however you would call it in english.
He was very nice and we talked about my symptoms, he was very quick to offer me antidepressants, Escitalopram to be precise, I think it's called Lexapro in english.
He also wrote me some paper thingy that I can go to Psychotherapy 2 times but told me it will probably take a long time for me to find a long term spot.
Is it common practice to give someone antidepressants so quickly? I googled it and am scared of the sexual side effects, I would fucking hate it if i couldn't get it up ever again.
Thanks. | 1 |
Beyond help | I've been lonelier than a man living in the desert.. no friends, no girlfriend/boyfriend, no one to ask how I'm doing
And at this point.. I'm so fucking mentally frustrated that I don't even want a friend (if that was even possible)..
Like, I do want one.. but I want the "full deal".. I want many friends, go on trips with them, watch movies with em..
just one friend with bare minimum communication would be like "bread crumbs", making me frustrated over not getting the "full deal"
I'd rather have the "full deal".. or "starve to death".. I can't handle these "bread crumbs" anymore | 1 |
I had a dream life but fell short because of mental illness | I was born to have a great life:
- 6'7 guy, from a good family
- access to good schools
- good looking
- knew a girl since middle school, we grew up together and could've dated till marriage (i'm not kidding, she's perfect)
Now imagine a good dose of mental illness to fuck all that up.
Not even mental illness from trauma, but it's in my genes.
Fuck my life | 8 |
I don’t want to keep going but i don’t have the option to stop. | I am (19f) really struggling with my life for a long time now, everyday is the same im losing my mind.
I recently graduated from homeschool (yeah it’s embarrassing) and i never really had an idea of what i wanted to do when i grew up. All the jobs I wanted as a kid are just really unrealistic for me. I don’t think i will go to college so I’ve been trying to get a part time job but i just cant seem to get one. I have severe social anxiety (and regular anxiety) and really low self esteem so I always fail when i do interviews. My last job i worked at i got fired only a month later bc my manager said she could tell that the job was to hard on me. That was over a year ago and i still feel sick and devastated about it. I really want a job but at the same time i dont. I feel so empty. I don’t have any friends, like no friends at all not even one. All i do is stay home. I don’t have any hobbies either. I try doing painting and drawing but I’m not great so its more frustrating than fun. I’ve tried doing gaming but i suck at that.
I really hate myself a lot for a million reasons. Like i was always the chubbier sister or cousin or friend. I was a really lonely and bored kid so i ate to avoid my sadness. But I started dieting a couple years ago and it got really out of control and it was basically starv!ng myself to the point of passing out (i lost 55lbs). And that has really made my depression/anxiety worse bc I already felt like shit now i hate my body even more. Also my older sister recently got married and moved a 1000 miles away and she was the closest thing i had to a friend. I’ve never had a bf I always thought I wasn’t good enough so i just avoided boys my entire life. I have never been flirted with or called hot/pretty/cute ever by a boy (im not THAT ugly). Also i have pretty bad acne and that has made my life much worse.
My anxiety has been terrible recently i get really shaky and sweaty, i always feel something bad is going to happen. I have gone to therapy before but only for a little while bc my parents couldn’t afford it. I didn’t help at all. My mom thinks that nobody can help me only myself, she’s probably right but i don’t know how. I feel as if my grave has already been dug, i did it to myself and its irreversible. I want out but i don’t know how.
I wish i never was b@rn. | 7 |
Moonlight sonata | I listen to classic music when i can't sleep to focus on the music and slow my thoughts. Kind of helps when i can't sleep and have racing negative thoughts. I started listening to moonlight sonata with rain on the background and i listened to it so much the song keeps playing in the back of my head non stop throughout the day. It really calms me. Feels great to know someone felt the same way i do now. | 11 |
I Want to be Happy So Damn Bad.... | ....but I know just because you want something doesn't mean it's going to be. It's weird really, Happiness is one of those things that's damn near considered a privilege. And privileges are only reserved for a lucky few, a bunch or many. All I know is that I haven't experienced that emotional state since I was in the single digits and I'm 32 years old now. It's so strange to hear and see so many people put so much heart, time, effort etc, into trying their damnedest to stay alive for as long as they can. I look at those people and I think "Must be nice", to actually live a life that makes you want to try to stick around in this hell. Then I think or more like remember that this place isn't a physical, mental, emotional hell for everyone as it is for me and many others. The things that make it so I'll never be happy, the things that are wrong with me, my life and the unfortunate circumstances of just my everything feels like is just unfair to say the least. I was tired 10 years ago, I became exhausted 3 years ago and now I'm just burnt out at this point. Happiness looks like a hell of a drug I would like to overdose on. I know for a fact it'll never be, but still nice to think and fantasize about. That's one of my many coping mechanisms. Pretending to be other people to experience temporary happiness. Sad, I know. Damn, I can't wait to leave this hell. | 2 |
summer depression | does anybody know how to find some relief from summer SAD? i have depression year-round but summer makes me downright miserable. everything i read about it tries to tie it to the school year, “changes in routine due to the summer break” “not seeing friends from school” “paying for daycare/camp because your kids are out of school”
I’m 25 and work full time. nothing fucking changed except the weather and now i’m hot and cranky and exhausted all the time.
i socialize. i go to the beach and all that shit. i’m on meds and in therapy but nothing works. i even have a uv light even though that’s for winter sad, and i keep it on all day at my desk at work.
i don’t want to eat. i can’t sleep. i’m angry or sad all the time. i don’t want to do anything at all tonight and i can’t stand the idea of another day commuting to work in this shit | 3 |
Life is too difficult for me man, I'm weak and yes I'm sick, i can't live a fucking normal life | I got stuck for years in this loop of suffering and isolation man nobody really gives a fuck in this world man I'm miserable weak as fuck and scared of taking decisions and responsibilities. I need to take my pills man but they don't heal my depression or my fear they should stabilize my mood and that's it but fuck I'm scared of living a 9 to 5 job, scared of becoming a slave of society a fucking victim, nobody wants me . I'm just really fucking tired man I'm tired of giving up but I'm a grown man and should take shit seriously but I'm just too sick, too weak man I'm fucking scared and lonely | 6 |
i feel like i missed out on so much of life despite being young | i’ve spent 19, almost 20, years holed away in my room and barely talking to anyone or doing anything but mindlessly playing games and scrolling on social media. i have barely any hobbies or interests.
i thought college would’ve given me the opportunity to improve, but all i’ve done is destroy the little progress i had previously made.
i just want to experience life. i just want to have friends who support me. i just want to be looked up to. i just want to be a person. and i have no clue how to obtain that😵💫 | 7 |
What is the point? | I’m really struggling right now. What helps you keep going? | 2 |
a question i keep thinking about | to everyone here who is diagnosed with depression, do you guys feel depressed for the whole day non stop or are there few and short in between moments in the day where you cheer up for a while? i am sorry if this is offensive, i just cant stop thinking about this and for some reason i cant find the answer when i look it up online, also i hope the best for all of you and i hope all of you recover one day and get the help you guys need ❤❤❤ | 2 |
I lost a friend today | To be clear, they’re still very much alive. After years of friendship they’ve decided to drop me. Completely ghosted me. They were my closest friend, but I guess I wasn’t theirs. This hurts almost as much as losing a family member. I never would’ve thought it could get worse for me and I’m so sick of feeling like I’m not enough. | 8 |
Bro, shut up | I hate it when people tell me “things will get better, cheer up” when I know damn well that they’ve never hit rock bottom before. Never having to “climb up from the bottom”. Dude, you don’t deserve to say this. You don’t know what it’s like to wither in a hole of disparity. You don’t know what it’s like having nobody to turn to. Nobody to help you out of a hole you’ve fallen into. You don’t know what it’s like to be me (or the other people on here). So you should shut your privileged ass. It’s only better on your end.
Am I overreacting? | 50 |
Similar books to "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" for depression? | I used to have anxiety disorder and luckily I recovered with the help of Hope and Help for Your Nerves, a GREAT book by Dr Weekes.
I wonder if there are similar books to the legendary "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" that works for depression. I'm trying my best to help my friend.
Thank you all, | 2 |
Nothing is all I feel | I haven't felt any strong emotions in 6 years, I live day to day as if was just a day. I have no energy so everything I do is out of pure will, I can't enjoy sex so it means nothing, and relationships seem too bothersome now, I can't ever relax even during sex, I have constant dreams about dying, I fake 95% of my emotions cause I don't really know how I should react anymore, I would rather help other people with their goals cause I do not have any, I can't even remember most of my life. I don't find anyone attractive, I don't really enjoy hanging out with friends ( I've only hung out once every year for 4 years now ) I've decided I won't even end it cause because I haven't been useful. I don't ever want anything really including food sometimes I just don't eat. It's not like I haven't tried, it's just I don't feel anything. sometimes I will just cry, but it's not crying it's just tears no emotion behind it and it could be during anything. I'll go to the gas station that's like 5 min away and just drive away, I don't enjoy it I just drove away. I just don't know what else to try to see if maybe it will help me feel something. I'm just exhausted. | 1 |
Rock 🪨 bottom. SOS 🆘 | I’m very lonely and depressed. I graduated college but I can’t find a job with my degree so I’m stuck at my crappy fast food job. I broke up with my only gf because of reasons idk if I’m being honest. I regret it. Dating apps do not work for me at all. Im fat so I have nothing going for me. I am just fed up with life. I have a degree but I’m still at my shit job. I have no money saved up. Im in debt. My group of friends I only see on weekends are all doing good jobs and stuff. Everyone in my family has good paying jobs and are setting themselves up for a good future. Im stuck in this same spot. I feel like I’m at a dead end. I drink seldomly and I smoke weed to cope. Idk what to do. 😞 I am sorry for complaining. I post here and nothing comes from it. It seems like the world does not care if your a Lonley male | 7 |
i dont know if this is depression (i cant diagnose due to abusive parents) | for the past few days (probably week honestly) my whole body just felt brittle and i was limping around most of the time whenever i walked because my legs genuinely felt too weak to be able to lift me up (no, i am not obese or anything, i am far from obese, i am 168 pounds and 5'9 so its not a weight thing) and today i started getting knee pain, my overall movements became so slow it was almost like i was an anthropomorphic turtle, it takes longer for me to process what people say to me and i can barely pay attention to anything and i quickly lost interest in anything whenever i start it (i know this part is starting to sound more like adhd but i am just giving context) and a lot of other things, i barely feel anything other than sadness most of the time, i really wish i cant get diagnoses and professional help but i cant due to my abusive parents (its a long story that i dont want to get into because its really long), i am heavily convinced i have depression at this point but i want other people who are diagnosed with depression to help confirm if this does sound like depression to them or not, so to everyone who has been diagnosed with depression, does this sound familiar? | 2 |
University is killing me. | Before starting, I'd like to preface that I share a flat near my uni with two other girls. I live in Italy and we have exams for two months here (no lessons, professors choose 2/3 dates where you go and take the exams). I was supposed to give 4 exams but did nothing besides crying. It’s an enormous problem for so many reasons (like I lied to my mum and said I did the majority of them and they went well) but mostly because I started thinking a lot about ending my life again and I can’t go on my balcony anymore by myself without my mind screaming “do it. End your life. You’re nothing, you only ruin things”. I’m scared because I often stay up at night to study, and sleep during the day because I’m more productive so sometimes I go out on the balcony to take some air but can’t stay there for 10 minutes without my intrusive thoughts kick in. I had these thoughts at 15 but I don’t remember if they were this strong and I’m scared of them. I can’t afford therapy, can’t go to work to pay for it because if I work I won’t study, can’t tell the truth to my parents either because they’ll force me to go back home which is pure hell for me. I wrote a list of things (movies, tv series, concerts) to motivate myself so i can stay alive but It seems like it’s not working at all. I just wish to have a terrible accident and die because my parents definitely didn’t deserve such a terrible daughter. Right now the major thing that holds me from ending my life is that there are a lot of families with kids here in these buildings so I don’t want any of them to risk and see me agonizing/dead on the parking lot pavement. I don’t deserve this life. | 1 |
I wish it was easy to live | Everyday is so exhausting to experience especially when I’m at work, I have days off here and there because some days I just can’t but even though those days I needed to stay home I feel so much guilt for my colleagues. It’s just annoying because if I stay home I feel guilt if I go there and aren’t in a good mood I push away my colleagues who I do like but when I’m in a bad mood I can’t just talk to normally. The solution is to get diagnosed and possibly treated but that’s a difficult process so I’m just gonna rant here. | 6 |
It’s not a call for help more of a rant | So I won’t be here for long or maybe I will. I’m 22 broken my life hurt countless ppl Important in my life. I got my families alcoholism. Frankly only reason I’m still here is for my dog. How does anyone deal w this guilt I can’t afford professional help | 1 |
My old coping mechanisms aren’t working anymore | I used to do certain things like take long hot showers to feel way better, it would almost put me on a different planet. Now it doesn’t help anymore. I feel like I’m running out of coping mechanisms. Food doesn’t make me feel as good as it used to. Things feel inescapable. I don’t feel like my apartment is a home. I feel like a stranger in my own life. | 3 |
i am in a void. | for about a year now it has been blank. i am vacant. i do not feel anything. my life bleeds away and i scream for it somewhere but it is gone. whatever time i do have is going. i need to start writing again. i have stopped and it has eaten me. i have nothing to show for my existence except my thoughts said in total silence. i stop to try and work and all i get is more emptiness. i do not want to be productive. i do not want to contribute. i want to stay still like this and be blank with nothing on me. there is maybe but a hum to fill my mind from what some foreign machine or buzzer in an indeterminate space.
i want this. no knocking at my door. no one i will to greet. the sun shines outside but i have no need for it. it is a slow death. i am going out on a whimper maybe but it is peaceful. i cry because i could have been a bright shining star. but it is peaceful and the peace comforts me. tomorrow i will forget this. i will try to reach out to fifty people who have forgotten me. i will pretend that a day is a day. but inside is this truth which i will try to hide. it cannot hide. i am being eaten. may be maybe my writing can get me out. but it may keep me in too. all this is too comforting. i do not want to move any more. | 2 |
I wish I had a parent or friend | I wish I had someone to celebrate my birthday with. I wish I had someone I could share both the good times and bad times with. I wish there was someone I could call when I need help.
I see it on TV and movies. Parents that want the best for their kids and will do anything for them. Friends who are never more than a phone call away if you need a shoulder to
cry on.
I wish I didn’t have to do everything alone. Every holiday, birthday, struggle, hardship, accomplishment, failure…alone. | 3 |
So disgusted with the world that I want to off myself | I won’t even start describing what is wrong with everything around me, because everything is completely shit. I can’t be in here anymore, I just can’t, I hate every second of this existence | 4 |
Nearly died. Thank you for my parents... | First of all i am 23 years old, and just nearly died.
Yes, i was diagnosed with depression.
I am not suicidal though.
People tend to think they know me, as soon try to me myself.
I don't want to get in detail but i am very lucy at the moment. Just think about your life please. When i was in the ICU life went really hard.
How can I surrive now with my parents though ...?
First of all my parents said depression is not a thing. Little did they know, as i just died... Thank you?! | 2 |
No motivation. No purpose. | Ever since my teenage years, I suffered. I just want to be happy, but it seems like a impossible goal now.
My mom died two years and some days ago. I never had the chance to say goodbye. It was sudden, and I could have saved her. Her body, the ambulance, the fire department - all of it just triggers something in me. I can't stand it anymore. Suicidal thoughts has plagued my brain for months now and I may be edging closer to acting out on it.
I just want help and happiness. I have no one to turn to. It's painful - too painful. | 2 |
I feel broken. | I really don’t know where to begin, I just need somewhere to purge my thoughts. I’ve been having a rough go at it of late.
I’m a male in my mid-20s. I’ve always been confident in myself and my abilities. I’m very fortunate to have really great friends and family in my life. A lot of people who I love dearly and mean everything to me. I’m living in a city I always dreamt of living in while growing up. I realize how unbelievably lucky I am to have these things. On the surface, I should be happy, content, grateful. And yet, lately I’ve been everything but.
The fog I’ve been experiencing came on about a year ago. It started out sporadic, but I always jokingly chalked it up to a “quarter life crisis” and the emotional highs and lows that come with being in your 20s and trying to find your way.
Slowly, it’s continued to morph into something much more sinister, and I feel suffocated by it. The past few months have been very tough.
I feel my personality slowly slipping away. I’m spending precious time around life-long friends, and feel self-conscious and worn down. Like I’m a burden. Like I’m out of place. Like my presence creates discomfort. Where I should feel 100% comfortable joking around and being myself with these people, I’m now second-guessing my every thought.
I used to love the feeling of making others laugh — seeing someone’s face light up in happiness. Nowadays, jokes are the furthest thing from my mind. My brain feels empty, thoughtless. Conversation is exhausting. When I do speak, it all feels so mundane. Like I’m adding absolutely nothing to any conversation.
I constantly find myself sitting in a room full of people I love, knowing full well that these moments are the memories I should cherish forever, and yet, all I want to do is run away from everything and be forgotten. I zone out far more often. The kind of zone out where you go numb and stare off into the abyss. It’s like I’m on the run from some dark presence, with no destination or safe-haven in the distance. Constantly running, with nowhere to hide.
The only excitement I feel comes from seeing those close to me succeed and witnessing their growth. I can’t remember the last time I looked forward to or got excited about something for myself.
I’ve been so upset with myself because it feels so selfish. I should be more appreciative. I AM so appreciative, but still, my thoughts and dumbass brain don’t reflect that.
Stay strong warriors. Mental health is no joke, and it impacts us all in different ways. Life sure ain’t easy, but it is beautiful. I’m optimistic that the old me will return, but for now, I’ll keep on kicking until the tides mellow.
I’m curious, did anyone else develop a gradual build up of mental health issues in their 20s or later? | 2 |
I just want this to end and to live a healthy and fulfilling life | Yesterday night my mom was upset that I left the blinds of one of the windows open in the room that I was reading a book in. I didn't close the blinds of that specific window because there were a lot of plants outside that were covering that window so I wasn't super worried about people from outside seeing inside (I live in a suburban neighborhood if it matters) and I wasn't going to be in the room for very long. I explained this to her and she said (more very irritated than annoyed) to "just shut up and close the blinds!". I said "ok" and obeyed. When my mom said those words in that tone it made me want to bawl my eyes out (of course I waited until everyone was asleep at night to cry my eyes out and fall asleep).
I didn't cry because she told me to shut up or disciplined me. I wanted to cry because the way and the tone she said it sounded like the way a female school bully would talk to her victim, almost like a mean girl who gives off misogynistic vibes (like the misogynist from this post [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11tjtlv/aita\_for\_calling\_my\_sister\_a\_misogynist\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11tjtlv/aita_for_calling_my_sister_a_misogynist_and/) ). It also reminded me of a girl from elementary school that I had a toxic friendship with who would say hurtful things and make me do things I didn't want to do. I and the girl were roughly 8-10 years at the time and I didn't know how to speak up.
I normally wouldn't cry over words this hurtful even if it was said in that tone, but this time it felt different, and made me feel helpless. My mom has also said things like "I'm afraid of sending you to the outside world to fend for yourself because I don't think you would be able to survive in this world" whenever I make stupid mistakes or forget to do something (I admit that over the stupid mistakes I make even I would mentally berate myself for especially if my mom wasn't berating me for it), which also makes me feel extremely helpless and stuck at home. I may be living with parents that are financially secure in a safe neighborhood, but I don't feel emotionally safe with them. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and can't express myself around them because it's mentally exhausting to be shut down whenever I talk or to not be validated whenever I talk or say something that I want or say how I feel (both parents usually shut me down whenever I say something that involves what I want or how I feel). I've been feeling so on edge and have had very little to no motivation ever since I started to live with my parents this summer. I feel like crying more often and don't have much privacy to do it at home (my parents are home most of the time) and I just want this all to end and to live a happy and fulfilling life achieving my dreams, my passions, my career, and making friends, and hopefully finding the love of my life on my own will (not my parents') if God wills it, and just making decisions for my self that I wanted to make for so long. | 2 |
A bad night | It’s so hard when you randomly have a bad night where everything hurts more and all of the weight of regular depression is just multiplied by 100. It’s like my chest is just so tight and nothing makes me feel better. It’s so hard to see the light at the end. And it’s the worst when the people who love you try to be there for you but you’re so deep in you don’t even know how to let their kind and supportive words sink in to you. Medications and therapy are so temporary too. Idk what else to do. | 1 |
I’m Giving Myself A Year | Horrible grammar just putting my current thoughts in writing.
I think I always felt depressed/suicidal. School kinda distracted me for a moment all the way til after high school. Then it really started to sink in that I have no plans for the future. I simply feel like I’m past my expiration date. I’ve planned to kill myself years ago, but it’s just my mom and I didn’t want to hurt her with everything going on at the time. But it’s really getting hard and I can’t hold on any longer. I’m just so sick and tired of the same routine. Nothing is changing for the better just the worse.
I made a decent amount of money and then things happen and now I’m financially in ruins my mother lost her job and now we are just struggling so hard.
I’m about to turn 23 in a couple of days, and I’m dreading it.
I’m just a burden. Any motivation I do have gets shut down from any inconvenience. I’m just weighing my mother down.
I decided to just do another year to clear up some loose ends. I’m going to save money so that I can leave a decent amount for my mother. Sell, give away or throw out my things for.
And then I’m killing myself, as nothing is going to get better, every year is the same. I will cease to exist,
I’m worthless and just burden and I finally got that now. I always knew but i really understand now. I don’t need help just peace. Suicide isn’t selfish. | 1 |
Stuck...just stuck | I usually numb myself with distractions. Whenever I start thinking I want to do better to get the benefits, I feel overwhelmed by recognizing how much is wrong, and how much effort it will take for me to get out of all of my problems.
My job is horrible for my mental health. But I feel so overwhelmed to get another job. I don't know what I should prioritize. I don't know what is the chicken and the egg in my situations, and I constantly feel so powerless and angry at the positions that I am in. So powerless and angry that I just say forget it all and numb myself again to not feel this helpless. | 3 |
I just don’t care | My parents financially supported me throughout COVID as I lost everything. I hope so much resentment towards them. While my brother mentally struggled my parents fully supported him with therapy and everything. Meanwhile I’ve been trying to not unalive myself for as long as I can remember. I’m 21 now. Been abusing alcohol as it’s the only thing that gets me through the day. Today they snapped and told me I have 30 days to leave and I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. | 0 |
can i drive myself to hospital after taking large quantity of Wellbutrin | ~28g Wellbutrin HCL XL, 19F
Am I able to drive for any time period after taking or is that not a wise decision. Had a very difficult day. | 1 |
I’m 21 and debating on writing a note | I’ve had depression for what feels like an eternity even tho I’m 21. I can’t complain about my life. My job is fairly easy I’m about to finish college and I have a loving boyfriend. I can’t complain about any of that. It’s me that hurts the most,my aching heart and silent crying and the pain of waking up every morning having to do it again. Most of the time I just feel like there is no purpose in my life and I’ve lost all motivation to keep going only for the sake of my parents as I am a first generation. Everyday I think about writing it but I think about my mom. I dream sometimes of me being little and her holding me in her arms. In reality she’s the only one keeping me here. | 1 |
Tired of substance abuse and Depression | I, 18 yo male, struggle with depression and addiction.
This has been going on since around Sep 2022, I know that’s not that long, but it’s still been shitty
I have lost a lot of “friends” and attended too many funerals in the last year or two and sometimes it just fucking hurts yk?
For all of 2022 I was free of addiction of any kind, but then when 2023 started, I caved, and I gave in and got involved with shit again. I knew addiction ran in my family and one side has alcoholic problems.
It just sucks having to rely on shit like that and resorting to that to get by. I have lost sense of time and I forget how long I’ve been friends with people and how much they’ve been there for me. It hurts knowing that they remember everything but I cant recall simple shit like how we met.
Also, being 18, I have to move in from high school and find my place in the world and idk how. I don’t have any motivation to get out there for jobs, education, relationships ect. I always feel like I just need a day off, but that’s basically what every day is anyways.
I just want to find a purpose ig, I just don’t know how… | 1 |
I think I’m hexed | Honestly, im not gonna complain and blame the bad things in my life on bad luck. I know choices over luck blah blah but with my all my health issues at my age, I just got into a serious car accident that could’ve been a lot worse. I’m grateful I’m alive. I’m getting worse every single day. And the car accident was not my fault whatsoever. And the guy fully said sorry.
I had to go to the hospital and follow up this week with a few different doctors.
I literally just went back to work last week after fully recovering and more after surgery. I’m all about looking for silver linings and look for the positive side of things but life is getting so much harder. | 2 |
It's been a good run. | The tiredness is what got to me. My inefficiency from my sleep deficiency. The fact that I feel I'm entitled to boundaries. All it takes is one day to ruin your life. Don't worry, I won't do anything now. I'm biding my time. I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford my own place, but can't buy one right now for stupid ass reasons. Once I can, I'll pay it off, and when the time is right, I'll use my garage to end everything. Fact of the matter is, I don't care anymore. I'm only living in the short term to speed up the process of my plan. Hope I die sooner tbh. | 1 |
I just want to go | Sometimes, I think about leaving everything behind. Throwing away my phone, cut every relationship there is. But the same reason, that keeps me alive, keeps me with the people who love me: I know, I would hurt them badly. And after all they did for me, I can't betray them like that. But sometimes, I can't bear the weight of being a concern to my dearest. I can't take their looks, their attempt to treat me something fine, because I just don't see why I should have it. And those are the times, I think about running away. It would be better than taking my last walk, because I could return after some time, maybe as a healthier person and all my dearest people would have a break from my shit.
I don't know if anyone knows this feeling, but I've got it with me since some years. And I'm glad about it, because before that feeling, there was only thoughts about suicide and how I couldn't do that to the people who love me.
Thank you for your time reading this and, if you write some, for your comments. Stay strong, if not for you, then for somebody who needs you alive. | 4 |
i vent n ask for help | um probably venting to depressed ppl isnt the move , but if u'r a fellow depressed person i hope u find it pleasantly relatable (or get smth good out of it) , i rly dont want u to feel any worse
i hvnt felt this bad in a while (like, i'm crnly struggling to properly breathe)
i v much realize i need help , but idk who to reach out to n i dont rly believe that anyone wld be of any help
i v got a therapist but shes crntly on a break
i feel terrible , i rly want it to stop bcs it's getting so bad that i'm starting to hv suicidal thoughts n those r incredibly terrible
i am diagnosed w moderate mdd , n so all of that (what i'm experiencing) is not new
i feel pathetic wnvr i reach out to friends , n disappointed that i'm unable to take care of myself
i v got cats to take care of n i am doing that , but i'm also incredibly exhausted
i dont want to ask friends n feel pathetic especially not when i'm this vuln , so i'm asking here : what do i do ? i cant think well so i cant figure it out | 2 |
I dont know myself anymore | Idk if this count as depress or im just stupid but i cant recognize myself from 6 years ago (I’m 17 btw) . It’s like the last time I felt happiness was literally 6 years ago. I mean now and then I laugh but after a while it just feels empty and all. To add onto that my parents aren’t very supportive I play basketball a lot and did pretty well in it but never once they feel proud of me and just told me to get me to study even tho I get pretty good grades in school. They always just cared about my elder sister which has a boyfriend , is in college and has a mediocre grades but they put all their attention to her. Anything she does is perfect if she does something wrong they don’t care and if I did the same thing I’ll get scolded for the whole day. They are really proud of her while I’m like the unimportant child they have. I don’t really get the younger child privilege joke that people make because I never really felt that in my whole life. Maybe it’s just me being weak but it is what it is at the end of the day. | 1 |
Can Yall relate | Is anybody like this so i have been diagnosed with depression for a long time but treatment doesn’t work i take medication for it but they don’t work i have been on hundreds of different medication but non of them work i have been in the hospital for attempts and the hospital has not worked either i have tried therapy but no luck its gotten so bad that i feel chest pains and loneliness has been there from day one i have been overwhelmed with my overthinking I can’t even handle going to school its that bad nothing has worked and I don’t know what to do can yall comment | 1 |
Is it too much to ask? | I just want to talk to someone. I feel so alone and dead inside. I don't have a lot people in my life I feel comfortable talking to about a lot of things. Sorry I just wanted to get that out. | 1 |
Will it ever end? | Too depressed to sleep. Too tired to get better. Too indifferent to find joy in anything when I’m awake.
I miss when I was sad. The pain I felt then felt was at least distracting. Now I just lay here and wait in numbness for it to get better, but it never comes.
I can’t end it like I want because I’d never leave my babies. I love them so much it hurts, but I need to offer them more. They see through the forced effort these days. If I fail them I have nothing left.
Does anyone actually ever come out on the other side of this? I feel like I’m up against a life time of numbness and I don’t have it in me anymore. | 1 |
Depression getting worse | The first time a doctor or something told me I was suffering from depression I was 12 years old. I'm 39 now, had a lot of medication and therapy and still it's only getting worse...
Trying to distract myself doesn't even work anymore. I don't care about anything anymore, I'm sad all day every day...
I miss my love | 3 |
I can’t be an adult and I want to die every single day | I just can’t handle having to exist and be a certain way as an adult. I think about killing myself every single day. It’ll probably happen one of these days. | 2 |
Feel like shit and I want it to end | I came home from college this summer and I've been feeling more and more depressed. I'm doing next to nothing in my life that I'm proud of, next to nothing I find fulfilling. I have a part time job and a summer class - the job is just a tolerable obligation and the class is the same. I feel like every single day is a waste of time.
My assignments for the class are piling up, and I'm constantly thinking about them but feeling unable to complete them. I know the solution - create a schedule for myself and do it just a little at a time - but I can't bring myself to take action, and I don't know why. I blame my ADHD in large part, but I can't help feeling like I should be able to overcome it, especially with the help of the medication I'm taking. I feel pathetic.
There's a girl, too, of course. It started almost 2 years ago and turned into a long-drawn-out, draining engagement. It's been 4 months since we fully separated (with much effort) and thoughts of the relationship keep coming back to haunt me.
In the back of my head I know I'm just wallowing in my despair. I should be doing something to make myself happy. But I don't know what it is.
I'm just waiting to go back to college and get on with my life. I enjoy my classes. I love my social life there. I know It's gonna take some time before I find a sense of purpose but at least the boredom will end.
On the bright side, I've made some good ass playlists on Spotify. Funny how sadness brings out these kinds of things. | 1 |
Isolation spiral | I feel so tired. Sometimes I self isolate and even seeing my roommate for 2 minutes feels overwhelming and exhausting. My room gets filled with half eaten food and trash on the floor and anywhere other than my bed feels insurmountable. I have to always have some sort of media playing in the background to keep me from being alone with my own thoughts. The prospect of interacting with other people in reality makes me want to cry it feels so exhausting, especially thinking about having to deal with that at work soon. I’m in the midst of one right now and I just feel so overwhelmed and tired and sad. | 2 |
Venting, complaining, etc. | It feels like the part of my existence where I've made anyone else's life better is over, if we're being charitable enough to make the claim that it ever even happened in the first place. I feel like a burden and a mistake. I want desperately to be a better person and to do more to help other people but it takes so much just to even stand up or try to smile. I feel so disgusting and self-absorbed to be wallowing all the time but I can't shut it off. I'm trying so hard to be normal and not bother anyone but it's all just going through the motions. None of it is satisfying or joyful. I'm numb at best. I want to get off the ride. | 3 |
i wish! | i can go back and change the conditions that lead to my first ever depression.
that or not even have existed in the first place!
i yearn for both, but i am stuck with my reality. my. depressing. reality.
sometimes. i experience the light. but most of the time - i forget what it feels like.
in stupor. in despair. my cup overflows. | 1 |
im 16yo but I feel like an old woman | im a 16yo west asian so excuse my English.
I've always had issues with my family. my dad is an alcoholic who works abroad (thankfully) he used to mentally abuse us so I'm just thankful that he comes here only for a month in a year. I assume you guys know about alcoholic dad behaviors but he was extra by watching p in front of us when he is high enough to do it. so he's been away for more than a decade so my mom takes care of me and my brother(12M) since then. yeah I got it my dad has mental issues and treats us badly bc he had a traumatic childhood not because of he being a bad parent and doesn't even tries to change so we gotta accept him and be patient until me or my brother goes to university blabla but I'm too tired of this patience shit. okay, I have a dad with illness but what about my mom? i must have my mom right? unfortunately no, she is no different than him. my mom has been telling me about her problems and using me as a diary for traumatic experiences she had since I started to develop memories. okay I know life is also not fair for my mom, she got no family to trust or no husband to love and a lot of traumas from past but why is she not trying to change for better and just make my life miserable too? I wanna help my mom and heal her traumas but I'm just a teenager and i have emotions and shit too, I have traumas too that only my mom knows but does nothing about healing it or making me feel good. yes my mom has me, she tells me about herself and feels relief after each time we talk but what about me? who do I tell my emotions about? my mom? nah, I wish I could do that. I tried to tell her about my problems and every single time I just got scolded for not being as strong as her and also listened to her life being worse than mine. I'm so tired of this. im actually emotionless most of the time, but when she does this or just ignores me I cry so hard until I get tired of it. I'm tired of showing patience, I'm just a teenager. i don't know my problems might sound so unnecessary to have, people are dying out there but I'm just so tired and don't have anyone, any friends and relatives, no one. I'm all by myself and dealing with my whole family's mental issues when I just can't even help myself. I just wanna die but not by suicide, I just wanna get hit by a car or smth and just accidentally die so I finally find peace maybe | 3 |
I want to have the strength to end it | I always felt as though I was never good enough in my life. It seemed as though every attempt I make at anything is thrown back in my face. I’ve never been in a relationship or dated someone longer than 3-4 months without me self destructing it due to insecurities, I rely on family too much and I feel as though their sick of me now. I was a loner throughout high school but managed to have a close group of 5 friends including myself, but ever since we’ve graduated that 5 turned into 4 and recently that 4 has turned into 3 due to a misunderstanding, and the two I have left both have girlfriends so I don’t hang out with them as much, I make music but I don’t know if I’m going to get anywhere with that. Honestly I don’t wanna be here anymore, I’m tired of not knowing how I feel or not understanding myself. I think about killing myself a lot but the pain and the fear of what awaits after that stops me , I wish it didn’t. | 2 |
Want to commit suicide but I can’t afford therapy | I simply can’t afford the insane amount of money it cost to go to therapy. Insurance won’t pay any of it “until I hit my deductible.” I also tore my rotator cuff (somehow) and have to go to physical therapy twice a week for 6 weeks ($150 per visit). It’s becoming increasingly clear God doesn’t want me down here. I simply can’t afford to live | 2 |
I want to die | I’ve given up on my life. It’ll never get better I’m a worthless person. | 5 |
Triggered by Welcome to NHK | I started watching this anime a while ago, but have only just recently made real progress on it. The main character reminds me of my old self too much. I used to push a lot of people away, even some of the closest ones that were supporting me the most.
At times I also felt like the world was against me, from the age of 8 I would have thoughts that my whole life was some TV show, and that at some point everyone would jump out and say that it was all some sick joke. In my saddest moments that's what I always hoped for, but it never happened. For a lot of my childhood I felt like I was the victim of a conspiracy.
When I was 16 I felt like the only way to get out of this conspiracy was to commit suicide and then I'd be reborn and I'd be able to start anew, I fantasized about the new life I'd have and whether I'd be reborn as a girl or a boy, what race I'd be, and what my new family's economic status would be. I had everything ready but I couldn't go through with it, I was to be alone for hours and my plan was to hack at my wrists with a sharpened blade. | 1 |
Therapies are expensive. Might be cheaper to just die. | Can afford therapies but the sheer commitment and the prices of it when I’m jobless and dependent on my parents’ finances right now. | 16 |
Can depression permanently affect your ability to feel happiness. | So one thing I’ve thought about recently is that a lot, if not all, of the contributing factors to having depression or feeling depressed is probably external.
I currently feel the most depressed I ever have in my life but when I think about it, I’m experiencing the shittiest external circumstances I’ve ever have, by a long shot.
As awful as feeling depressed is, what WORRIES me is the possibility that feeling this way can prevent me from feeling the same happiness if the circumstances improve as I would have if I never experienced this. Is that true? | 3 |
I just need | someone to tell me I’m worth continuing to live for now. I’m 31 so I have plenty of life to live but I just want to die. Anyone, please. | 3 |
Im not ok | I've been 5 mg off my Lexapro and realized everyone finds me boring and everything I find fun has no value
Stay on your meds or everyone will find you boring, I legit can't tell if my mind is making it up or if stopping your medication makes you feel what you bottle up on it | 0 |
🫠 | you ever just feel like your thoughts consume you alive 24/7 like trying not to have an existential crisis | 6 |
Sometimes all it takes is that one friend that checks up on you and asks if you're ok... | Sadly,I don't have such a friend ಥ‿ಥ | 9 |
A better place? | Why do people say “They’re in a better place.” when someone dies? It just makes me want to go there sooner. In my opinion, it’s one of the worst things to say to someone with depression. This is right up there with “They’re at peace now.”
They both sound so inviting. | 0 |
I'm At the Loneliest Point In My Life... | I'm a 22-year-old female, and I'm at the lonliest point in my life.
I don't know if this is the correct subreddit to be posting on, but I just wanted to get this off my chest since I feel as though I have no one.
I'm so used to being by myself that I don't know how to properly maintain friendships, so therefore, I don't really have friends. I've also never been in a relationship, which leads me to believe that something is wrong with me because I don't believe I'm ugly or bad to be around, I just don't have anyone. My anxiety makes me believe that no one ever wants to be around me because every time I ask someone to hang out, they never want to, even though I'm one to have fun and make sure everyone is having fun as well.
I'm incredibly depressed; living on my own, working an independent job, going to events by myself...I even go to clubs and bars alone (which is not the best idea considering I'm a fairly attractive young woman, but I don't really know how else to meet new people in such a small town.) I'm the type of person people who don't know me well would assume I'm almost never sad because I always put on an act of happiness, when deep down I'm struggling and crying every night because nothing really seems worth it anymore. Just having someone to talk to would change everything for me.
I could go to my family, but the last time I went to them about my feelings I ended up getting the lock removed from my bedroom door as I was "spending too much time in my room" as they thought that would fix the problem, and I'm just overall an outcast in the family due to being different and wearing colorful wigs and heavy makeup and "extra" outfits.
If someone could just give me advice or be my friend, it would really help because I'm at the point where I don't want to continue on with this life. I honestly just want to give up. | 1 |
I am and it sucks | Just feeling depressed. I thought I was doing better we had a night out I hate questioning if my husband is happy but im communicating. I'm trying to learn to express my self I really think what I'm going to say and how to react sometimes I fail. I feel like a failure. Which leads to my depression. I'm leaving and my husband won't miss my why miss the person who bring you pain and hurt...at least that's what I think they feel. They say I make them happy but is it bad to feel like that's untrue... | 2 |
My mind | The last few months I have been feeling this sense of nothing. I’m getting married in 3 months, have a job that can support me well, and yet … I just feel here.
I’m still working through past trauma but I’m working through being okay with no apologies and setting healthy boundaries. Trying to be more me and do things I love to do.
But I don’t feel joy. Almost like I’m in limbo, no fluctuations in emotions everyday. I go to work and I smile bright and have been told I have a beautiful smile. But I just do it because I have to.
Even knowing that this new job has been beneficial (9-5, off holidays & Sunday) I’ve done two detrimental things that could’ve gotten me fired but haven’t because my Manager believes in me and is very patient but passionate. I feel like it’s too much for me because I keep messing up (been there since May) and that I should just say f it, leave on a good note and try again somewhere else. But I don’t know.
I want to stop overthinking and to just have more joy and confidence in what I do. But I can’t | 2 |
I feel like I’m not good enough or worth anything at all | My (20m) life has always just consisted out of pure lies, the people i loved, fake, the friends i had also fake, all i got was lies n used. I am a nobody to everyone nobody cares if I’m here or not, nobody would cry a tear if i was gone. Nobody would ever wanna be around me and nobody could ever love me for real is what i feel. I’m just worthless to everyone. Fuck my “life” if you can even call this living. | 2 |
Don’t know where to turn | Past 2 years I have been feeling lonely been having this empty feeling that just can’t seem to be filled. Bottomless void, am a person of very few friends as am a quantity vs. quality as I don’t regret that. I don’t have a best friend I can turn to for advice and the other friends I don’t believe I can share how I feel as last time I opened up the answers were very generic and not helpful they meant it from a good place but none of them understands the loneliness and bottomless void I feel. Realistically the only thing that keeps me going in life is be there for my daughter and to create something I can leave her. She’s my light but sometimes that void can create a darkness I just can’t shake and it makes me lose motivation and the will to push forward. I try to keep grinding and to push forward but it gets hard. No one has to respond just needed an outlet was getting harder and harder to keep it to myself. | 1 |
I'm a mess, I'm fucked up | Hey everyone. I fucked up at work again by "forgetting" to do some papers a few months ago, not submitting stuff on time leading to memos and a lot more stuff. I honestly hate my work now (been here for almost 6 years and it's like a hellhole) bc toxic environment, being understaffed (I'm taking up the tasks of 2 vacant positions aside from mine) and mountains of tasks that I don't know where to start with. I'm tired of the same old bullshit I do everyday. I just want to disappear like a bubble or start somewhere else from scratch where nobody knows me 🙃🙃🙃 I'm tired of getting scolded almost every once in a while for my underwhelming perfomance. I want to scream but I can't. i dont know what to do anymoreeeee! fuck this miserable life | 25 |
Nothing brings me joy anymore | I try and try thing after thing, I’ve tried picking up hobbies but I can’t keep them. I try drinking but I can’t relay on that and make it an issue, I’ve tried women all the way from being serious with them to just hooking up and nothing is working. All I do now is work, work take my minds off of all of it. | 1 |
I want to finally see a psychiatrist, but I'm scared | Hello everyone. I hope I'll get some support or push here.
Some things happened today and I realized, I also want to start living and not only existing, hoping my problems will go away on its own if I endure it long enough.
I think I'm depressed (and have been for a very long time, I dont even remember the last time I genuinely enjoyed being alive). I dont think I have anxiety, because I dont get the symptoms (tachycardia, sweating, feeling nauseous....), But I'm extremely scared of everything. But anyway, listing my problems here isn't what I'm here for.
(I even have problems talking about what I feel on here, anonymously, I cant even imagine how I'm manage that in real life in front of a psychiatrist in foreign language).
- So, I finally mustered up the courage to decide, that I need to go to a psychiatrist, what happens happens. But I can't help thinking, that I won't be able to speak up, I cry really easily, I'm even crying as I'm writing this and it will probably make me shut down.
- My second fear is that I'll be admitted, I don't want to lie to a psychiatrist, but I'm also scared to say I've been thinking (and have planned) about suicide.
PS. I live in Germany and I'm a foreigner, I dont have any family or friends here. Just started a new job (as a fucking doctor actually). If this info changes anything. (I'll probably have to wait for a visit for a year). If anyone has any info how that even works in Germany, I'd appreciate it.
PPS. It makes me laugh that I'm scared of a doctor as a doctor. Jesus what a mess. | 4 |
Just feel so damn empty when I’m on my own | Simple solution right? Just hang out with people. Except my friends are always busy doing who knows what.
Make new friends?
Difficult. Having ASD makes every interaction with a new person feel like having to defuse a bomb.
I yearn for what has been taken away from me. The privilege to socialise. | 2 |
why am I always left out | i don’t know what the fuck is going on with me, why do i always end up in the same situation in every relationship i make, every time i make new friends i always end up being the one that no one cares about, every friends group ive ever been with i always felt like they don’t even want me with them, i feel like they are friends with me because i’m pathetic, i tried to change a lot of things and i still end up with the same situation, im sick and tired of always hearing “you will find the right friends” no i wont, these are the friends i want its just that i am the problem, i just had a new friends group and the first few days were kinda good and now the same thing happened again, im left out, none of them even ask me to go with them or even calls me when they’re leaving, im always cringe and weird and i never realize how weird i am until i already do it, it’s like im talking and doing things without controlling it, im sick and tired of always going through the same shit, istg if it wasn’t for my religion i would’ve ended it, maybe my explanation is bad because im literally so mad rn i can’t even explain, just please someone help me | 3 |
Does anybody else feel like this? If so, what do you do? | So, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel like I don't care about a lot of things. I don't value money or family or really anything for that matter. I feel like I don't really appreciate things good enough. I do appreciate the things and people I should appreciate, but I feel like I don't appreciate them enough. I don't really care if I fail an assignment at school or that it's dangerous that I don't put a seat belt on. I don't really have much energy to do things like go out with my friends or clean my room or take a shower. I don't really care about doing well at school and Im struggling to care about getting a part time job. I turned 18 a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't really care. I don't really care if I hear traumatic news, like if someone died. This might be because I didn't really know him well, but when my grandpa died, I didn't feel bad one bit. I did not care at all. I wasn't excited or even nervous. I just didn't care. When I had to get rid of my ferret, even though I'd miss her, I didn't really care. I don't really care much about my friends birthdays. My friend had his birthday last week and I didn't even give him a gift, although I'd probably blame my ADHD on that because that makes me a spontaneous gift giver. The very few things I do appreciate and value, I feel like I don't deserve. I don't deserve my friends, I don't deserve to be able to just play video games whenever I want, I don't deserve to have a blanket and pillows and have a decent night's rest, and I wouldn't deserve love if I had it. I just don't know what's wrong with me. I try and I try and I try to appreciate these things but nobody what I do or how hard I try or what advice I follow, I just can't appreciate or care about a lot of stuff. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know what I can do. I honestly think I'm just doomed to be like this. I care about people often, but I honestly feel like I'm apathetic. I feel like I'm selfish. Am I a sociopath or something? I don't know what's wrong with me. To anyone reading this, thank you for reading this entire thing. I know it's a lot lol but I needed to talk to someone or even just something. | 1 |
why am i so weak | I'm so weak. i've probably had the power to stand up for myself so many times, but I almost never do. Or when I do stand up for myself, Im the bad guy ALWAYS. every single person in my life just uses me...i guess in a way its flattering because I'm known as reliable & empathetic. but people take advantage of me ALL the time, i cry/b\*tch about, swear it wont happen again, and then just like that i start feeling bad or scared they'll hate me forever so i do it anyways. it just sucks. i do soooo much for every single person in my life but what do i get in return ? im basically a live in maid/assistant for my entire family at home and I get treated like shit if I even dare defend myself and made out to be a brat or told to move out. My brother is pretty much the same way. My friends exclude me all the time...since my car broke a few months ago we havent hung out because they'd always make me drive and theyd never give me gas or even try taking turns driving with me. I always wanted to say something but usually when I present a problem to people it always gets flipped and I dont want to lose them. My love life ? I had one boyfriend years ago and he pretty much mentally abused me, used my girl best friend as his beard, and so much more. since then boys have come and gone and usually its leaving. but its like can i even complain ? all of this stuff is my fault if i'd stop caring for two seconds about other ppl and for once myself. im just too weak to ever speak formyself and i hate it so much. i just never want anyone to be upset so i feel its easier if its just me and to keep it to myself. | 2 |
Question about a doctors visit | I just wrote all this out with a different throw away account a few minutes ago. Somehow it disappeared. Here it is again.
The short version is I went to my PCP today for my checkup and I asked him, if the need arose would he write me a note for work if I needed a little time off due to stress, depression, and the physical problems that are manifesting from them. Basically he said no because everyone has stress and if wrote a note like that he would write notes for everyone. He made me feel like a baby and I just need to suck it up.
Longer version now. I've been working 35 years now. The last 33 years were full time with plenty of overtime. The last 5 years have been at my current job, which is working overnights in a somewhat physically demanding job. I just took a promotion, which means I can't use any of my extensive accrued sick time for the next year. If I do call in without a note I will lose my promotion, which honestly I kind of feel would be for the best. However, I know they would retaliate and mess with me in other ways too, such as moving me to a highly unfavorable location.
I have always had terrible anxiety and some depression my entire life. I recently lost both parents which is strongly affecting me. I have no wife or children for a support group. I have some physical ailments such as ulcerative colitis, most likely from poor stress management.
Much of the stress at work is from my recent promotion as we are really short handed and I'm getting attacked from higher up for my crew not getting things done. My hands are tied in what I can do in regards to discipline, though I am understanding as everyone is getting burnt out from doing double duty endlessly. Working overnights in itself is really kicking my butt. There are nights when I go in where I was unable to sleep at all even though I tried. The depression doesn't help. I feel terrible physically often and I'm thinking an ulcerative colitis flare up is around the corner.
My financial situation is good. From working so much all these years my house is paid off and I am debt free. I have quite a bit in savings. I thought about just quitting but I need my health insurance and I would lose my pension.
So I guess my question is this. Am I a baby? Should I just suck it up? | 1 |
Pretty certain I’m giving up | This is my first post on here. But I frequently read other peoples posts, which is what led me to actually post here. I’ve been through hell in the last 4 years. Messy break-up, my kids taken away. My ex is a narcissist, and actively alienates them. I’ve thrown myself into a dead end job, which is slowly becoming unbearable. I come home from work to an empty house, that I have no desire to clean or maintain. I find absolutely no joy in anything anymore. I’m scared that I’m giving up. I can’t take antidepressants, long story but my doc and I have exhausted all Avenues. I did really well last year, used the gym and healthy eating to boost my wellbeing… but I hit Burnout with work and doing too much. Now I literally just sit around at home, kind of waiting I guess… for sleep, or someone to reach out, or even death. I see my children, and I give 100% when I do, but I’m broken, so broken, and I just don’t know how to fix or heal. Nothing ignites joy in me anymore, absolutely nothing.
I guess I just wanted somewhere I could say this. I have no one. I am alone. | 14 |
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