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Going through the motions of being human, how do I live again? | Hi guys, I’m 28 year old male suffering with depression and anxiety. I’ve always felt like I’ve had this underlying sadness since i can remember but the past year I’ve felt immensely worse. Like the post says I feel like i’m just going through the motions of being a human. On the outside everyone sees a confident, fit, veteran, and college student. But on the inside I feel like I’ve lost all will to do more than the bare minimum. My hobbies no longer excite me or bring me joy, I spend most of my time laying down and watching reruns of shows. I have been able to put on a facade of being a social person with ambitions and it has helped me land internships and interact with people. But I don’t find the will to keep up with people and I don’t have anyone that i talk to on a daily basis. I still feel incredibly lonely. I do admit around the time I started feeling incredibly terrible, I met a girl who I fell for but ultimately rejected me. I tried to be nice and just keep our friendship going, while i was out of state for an internship she would call me everyday before she went to sleep. I would always look forward to this but I knew that she would never take me seriously. We grew further apart over the last couple months. But I still yearn for her attention. I have never been in a serious relationship and feel that this is the closest thing I’ve had to a relationship even though we never were physical or talked romantically. I don’t know if this attributed to the decline in my mental health, but I’m really scared at the moment. I feel like i’ll feel lonely forever, and at the same time I can’t find the drive to be able to just keep friendly relations with people. I don’t want to keep pretending I’m okay, the most mundane tasks like showering and eating have become almost agonizing to me. I am constantly having conversations with myself in my head about what could possibly be wrong with me. I have tried therapy before and was told to do mindfulness and meditation but that has not helped. I have tried several different medications for depression and anxiety as well as adderall to try to get me to focus and be able to function. But I feel as though they keep me barely functioning if they are truly doing anything to me. I am really scared. I don’t know what to do anymore. | 1 |
So tired of looking like an alien. | Just come back from vacation in Gran Canaria. I had a ridiculously good time. Really really enjoyed spending time and travelling with my partner. Had some lifetime experiences such as scuba diving, parasailing, jumping off a boat and swimming in the deep ocean.
And yet.. I’ve just looked through all my partner’s videos and pictures of me and it’s like I’ve been punched in the gut.
His perspective of me is so different of the one I have in my head when I’m actively doing all these things.
I cannot get over how ridiculous and repulsive I look. I mean, really, truly awful. I’m 4’11, I’m fat, (I put on half a stone in a week whilst we were on vacation.. after losing two stone before we left.. I have an eating disorder and usually throw up anything I eat but I let myself somehow just forget about I whilst on vacation. It was so nice to just forget about calorie counting and my intake and exercise for a while.. but look what happens when I do.) I just look so disgusting and laughable.
I have no idea how he’s attracted to me. My neck looks fat and swollen, my stomach bulges in my sundresses and swimsuit. My wet hair makes me look like a drowned rat, whereas all the other women look great with their wet hair??
I am the fattest and ugliest person on the boat, in the clubs. I look ridiculous when I’m dancing. Throwing it as if I’m some gorgeous thing.
I just scrolled onto some body positivity reel on Instagram where some skinny girl in a bikini was grabbing her non-existent fat roll on her thigh and stomach being like “this is normal!! Everyone has this when they sit!! Embrace your body!!”
And I’m like bruh.. you don’t have a fucking CLUE. You are so average. So normal. Just that normal standard female body that I don’t have and somehow cannot obtain no matter what I do.
My boobs are so weird, they’re small but yet saggy? And are just flattened in a bikini top. I feel like they look like a fat kids chest. And I have a birthmark on my right breast, which looks so ugly. My stretch marks are so big and so so deep, they go from my pelvis, right up to under my boobs, so even if I lost more weight, I’d never have a lovely normal stomach like everyone else.
I saw other women with young babies, looking so good in their bikinis. How come they still look like that but my body was ruined forever?
I look around and feel so jealous of everyone else’s normality and just wish I looked the same. They make it look so effortless.
Don’t get me wrong, my face can look totally pretty with a full face of make and some lashes, but without it, I look like an alien, and my body always looks the same, no matter how nicely I dress.
I’m so upset, I hate myself so much. God, I just want to look normal. | 1 |
I'm fine. | I'm fine. Two words that are commonly used by the depressed teenage population. Two words that are so simple yet so exhausting to say, over and over again. We say we are fine. We are fine while we are broken, bleeding on the bathroom floor. We are fine while wishing we were no longer here to experience the pain that comes with living. We are fine.
I'm scared. I'm scared to admit the deep parts of me that are shattered. I don't want to live in the guidelines of a curse cast by a broken mirror. Who does. We are told that we shouldn't feel this way, that it's wrong, unnatural. So why would we admit that it's not ok. Fine is our equivalent of lost, broken, scared, and many more unsettling thoughts and feelings.
We are fine, until we are left bleeding out, suffocating, or having our organs slowly fail due to how many drugs are in our systems. We are fine until we are gone. Fine until us as people have slowly drifted into the soft world of death. This is the final change from fine to good that we make. For now, fine is my liberty. | 9 |
How to get help | As title says I've had enough of feeling like this. Every day is the same and all I want to do is stop existing. I don't want to tell my parents as they are very old school and hate just about anyone and anything that doest share there own opinion. I have a gf but if I tell her she'll just freak out and cry and I don't want her to worry. I'm 21 now and felt like this for as long as I can remember I'm just sick of it so much and I don't know what to do. Sorry if I don't respond | 1 |
No more news | It's been since Thursday that I no longer have any feedback from my crush.. I'm worried about her. No more replies to my messages, I stopped sending them, I feel like she's just sick of me | 1 |
Quiero suicidarme | Yo soy un chico de 29 años solia tener una vida relativamente bonita hasta mis 22 despues todo fue un declive radical economico y de indole sentimental. Creci sin padres en un ambiente de violencia fui a prision por portar un arma pero aun así siento que no he hecho daño a nadie y la gente solo me ha juzgado y ha tachado. Me consumi en el alcohol y el tabaco. Migre a europa con la esperanza de que algo cambie mi vida pero no he perdido mi vision mis metas. Siempre quise ser el mejor en lo que hacia y ahora no me importa nada no quiero trabajar no quiero saber nada de nada solo ya calmar mis voces en la cabeza. En realidad no se si soy un sociopata en construccion o simplemente una persona normal dolida. Pero se que como soy bueno no quisiera acabar matando y prefiero yo acabar conmigo mismo. Es muy doloroso vivir asi | 1 |
Depressed after Social Interactions | After socializing, after going to a community center or a cousin's house and talking to the people there, I just feel so drained and so depressed. Does anyone relate to this? I have extreme social anxiety, I've basically been a social outcast my whole life, I've never really had any friends, more like awkward acquaintances sort of thing, I've always struggled to fit in and people just never seem to notice me or care about me or if they do notice me it's usually negative, people picking on me or insulting me or talking about me behind my back or something like that. I'm also extremely insecure about myself, about basically everything. My past, the things I've done, the things I've said, my demeanor, the way I look, I'm just so obsessed with what other people think about me. My whole life is me just trying to fit in and then being rejected. My parents also hate me and view me as a failure because I did shit in school, while my brothers went to prestigious Colleges. Anyway that's just a little backstory but my original question below. And the last thing I wanted to ask if people resonate with me is, I have extreme emotions, I don't know if I'm bipolar or if I need to go to a doctor. I have really bad emotional outbursts, I try to hide it with laughter or acting "cool" but it is really severe. I have basically 3 modes, or 3 emotional modes.
1. I'm "normal", functioning man child who desperately seeks recognition from my family and community and others. Extremely insecure and self conscious about my appearance among other things.
2. Extreme sadness, crying my eyes out, and recently, suicidal.
3. Extreme anger, Extreme Hatred, just pure rage. This is when people try to bully me and I just snap. I just hate everything and everyone. Usually before fighting.
Anyway, I would like to have some social interaction, with people on reddit. Back to the question below.......
Does anyone feel mentally exhausted and depressed after trying to socialize? Is this normal? Do I need to go to a doctor or something? Because When I look around I see that everyone is so happy and has such loving families and loving social circles. I seek recognition and try to fit in, I'm pushed away. I want my family to love me and they just despise me and view me as more of a weird prop then as a human being. Does anyone relate, is anyone else a freak like me? Should I try to get diagnosed? Should I go to a mental hospital. | 5 |
🚨 I 23M need urgent help 🚨 . Experiencing extreme hairloss scalp, Eyebrows, eyelashes,mustache and beard hairs + depression, anxiety, brain fog. Help🚨 | Almost 6 years ago I was 17 I started experiencing sudden hairfall on scalp and eyebrows which gave me extreme headache and anxiety for months ,initially I was not able to understand what happening with me...I had to go to psychiatric for headachea and anxiety which settled down the situation for sometime.
But hairfall has been persistent since then and I have tried all available skincare,haircare antifungals , lotions ,minoxidil but hairfall has not stopped. There is always some stinging sensation on head and face ,dryness, .with even small scratch hairs come on my finger as that hair was attached there. I have no hair thinning, thick mature hairs comes off with their root (whitish) bulb.
For last 6 years I have been living with anxiety head pressure as I thought this condition may get better with time but nothing changed but my Anxiety has turned into depression and I feel hopeless and lost interest in everything some time suicidal thoughts comes. I cant clear my mind with hairloss thoughts.
For last 3 months anxiety and depression has increased so much I cant think other things. My brain feels blank. I am having worst academic performance. I'M studying pharmacy but i am not able to concentrate and memorie things.
Is it hormonal, autoimmune, genetic, neurological problem or what.
What should I do ..please help me to cope this situation 😭. | 0 |
It's time I end this | It's time.
The clock has run out.
I just need to end it already.
I tried to find love and acceptance and it didn't work.
This is getting embarrassing to keep trying like this. How much longer am I going to make a fool out of myself. It's time.
I know you all have been waiting for this. I finally give up.
I can't wait for it to be over
I going to kill myself
And I'm gonna make sure this attempt works
24 years has been too long
It's time I end it my
I hope my next life is better
I just want love
I hope they can experience it
Cause I never did
I hope the next life is better and I make it longer than I did in this life
I just wanted to be happy
I just wanted someone who loved me and some decent friends
I even accepted the fact that I would have to work a shitty job and my family would never accept it
I just wanted someone to love
I just wanted to love and be loved
I'm sorry I'm so selfish
I hope the next life is better
I'll try and be better
I'll try not to be so selfish
Please don't punish me anymore
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry
I just wanted to love
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I was selfish and arrogant to this I could be loved
I'm sorry
I'll atone now
I'll kill myself now
Just don't punish me anymore
I'm sorry | 0 |
Is there a point? | I returned to work, phased return to help with my mental health, but it's not good, I am still so burntout i feel I have reached the point of no return, I am exhausted every day, every day is like trudging through treacle. I can no longer see the point in existence. I would like the world to open and pull me out, I don't see a hope for the future..... I don't think I have one, my existence feel like a burden on the world. Can I just got quietly in to the night? | 0 |
i’m so scared all the time | my mum has cancer. she’s having chemotherapy and it’s just a waiting game, seeing how she’ll respond. i thought she was doing well but she’s had to switch back to a more aggressive form of chemo, which means that she’s going to feel like shit from the side effects.
i’m so scared the meds won’t work. i have no idea what to do if i lose her. i literally will not be able to handle it. i have no emotional support. i have other family but we’re not close, and i only have a couple friends that i rarely see. ideally i would kill myself but i don’t want to abandon my cat. i feel trapped. the knowledge that i could kill myself if anything happened was comforting, but now i don’t have that comfort anymore. i don’t know what to do. | 4 |
I’m ruining my relationship with the only person that likes me. | My boyfriend insists I’ll get better. It’ll all get better. Everything will be okay in the end, yeah?
But here I go. Second day in a row. Having a total sobbing suicidal meltdown.
It happens no matter where I am.
At my home.
At his home.
Through texts.
Through calls.
At night or in the morning.
It’s always the same and it just feels like it’s happening more and more.
I can barely get up in the morning, I can barely take my meds because taking one makes me want to take them all.
I desperately want to vanish so I can stop harming him. This shit has to be harming him. Theres no way it isn’t. Theres no way he can look in my eyes, knowing full well that I don’t even register any positive emotions anymore, and still feel love for me.
I miss the butterflies when I’d look at him
That smile when I’d get a call
I miss when telling him goodnight was my biggest priority.
Now I genuinely don’t feel anything. At all. Ever.
Not even just towards him
towards everyone
everything.
I know I love him. I love him a lot. I desperately love him more than anything in this shit world.
but my brain just
doesn’t fucking work.
I keep pushing him away.
I don’t get it.
Why do I want to leave so badly?
Why do I want to stay so badly?
We implemented a rule where if I ask to leave I have to ask once more the next morning.
I can never do it.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I can’t kill myself if he’s still here.
I can’t do it.
I can’t do that to him.
But my stupid fucking brain won’t let me leave.
I hate this. I hate it so much. I want notbing more than to get it over with.
I can’t even get help for another 2 months. I can’t do this for two more months I’ce reached my ffuckibg limit so long aggo I can t fuckibg do it | 26 |
ive found peace in my derealization | after a really bad high dose of weed a while back, i havent felt alive or real. hated it at first but now ive found peace in it. im never here anymore and thats okay.
i look at the walls and im not sure what im seeing. my hands dont feel real. everything feels really light or really heavy. i have constant brain fog and i can never comprehend anything that people say to me.
im so happy | 7 |
I'm no longer hesitant | I've always felt some sort of hesitation when it comes to thinking about killing my self..... and now that's gone. I'm no longe4 afraid of dying. I don't know what that means exactly. But things may change for me. | 2 |
Was essen wenn kein Appetit und keine Lust zum Kochen? (Depressionen) | Hi ihr Lieben
Ich leide jetzt seit einem Jahr an Depressionen und in den letzten Wochen habe ich immer wieder das Problem, dass ich Hunger habe, allerdings weder Lust zum essen/Essen zubereiten habe und auch keine Ideen. Ich schaue mir viele Rezepte an und denke mir nur, dass es mir eigentlich zu viel Arbeit ist. Zudem kommt noch, dass es bei uns momentan um die 30 Grad ist.
Vielleicht habt ihr ja Ideen/Rezepte für mich, gerne nicht nur kaltes, sondern auch gekochte Sachen.
Über eure Antworten würde ich mich freuen.
Lg
Lara | 0 |
How to change If I want to change but can't | I am a 20 year old Male living in Germany.
Now for about 8 Months I don't really appreciate or lets say have fun with things I used to do (well, mainly gaming). Of course this is a part of growing up but I am here waking up and don't know what do / what I like to do. I just sit here and watch Netflix all day (currently a month off work, will start to work in the mid of this month)
Lately I have been to an Wedding, of course people dance and do things. But my anti social ass couldn't do that. I was sitting there and wanted to come out and just dance / beeing more social, but i couldn't. Even under the influence of alcohol (which basically made my depressive thoughts just bigger). Instead of dancing and having fun, I went to the toilet and just cried. (I think I didnt cried since 4 years ago, and that was because I failed my first drivers licence exam).
On this day I decided to change me, but where do I start? Under the influence of alcohol I wrote to an friend that I want to talk and it is important. But I am not sure if I can tell him everything and then what will he think of me?
I also thought of going to therapy but again, where do I start? How much does it cost / is it covered in my insurance? Am I taken seriously with my problems?
And then I have these thoughts that I am in a good position, I have a good job, good savings, a motorcycle, a car. I just feel like I shouldn't be depressed because I have all these things.
I want the get out of this, possibly alone, but I am not sure if this is possible | 1 |
I’m 21, why do I feel so old? | I feel like I’m out of time… like I’ve got nothing left to do. Everyone still calls me “kid”, “kiddo”, but it all feels so weird. I feel like I’m 75 or smt like that, and it makes me so depressed I can’t really do anything… | 2 |
I don't know what to do anymore. | 18M I don't know what to do anymore my boyfriend 17M left for 5 days I don't have friends to talk to one of his friends posted a picture, and my boyfriend had a girl setting next to him I'm confused because he said no girls were coming on the trip with him, my depression has gotten worse over the last two days and I'm starting to give up on myself because of how useless I feel, I've been trying to work but none of the jobs replied or called back I don't know how long I can actually last I'm starting to look up information on how to stuff I'm trying to hold up until this year is over just in case things get better. | 1 |
all i have left is nostalgia. | i feel like i’m just living through nostalgia now. nothing makes me happy anymore. i’m constantly looking back at old games i used to play and old memories when i was truly happy, not weighed down by anything. just wishing i was a kid again and making myself feel worse. i miss waking up happy and excited for the day. | 67 |
Everything that could go wrong is starting to go wrong | I left my job about 2 months ago because I couldn't take it anymore, since I had a little savings I could live till now but I'm having no luck getting another job, today I've ran out of money and only have food for like 5 days. I've been so depressed recently that my house is absolutely disgusting because I can't do anything productive. I DO leave the house because the only thing keeping me around right now is the possibility to ignore everything bad that's happening but it's getting harder to do it by the minute.
Rent is paid this month but I have no idea how I'm going to pay it next month. Gym membership(one of the few things I still have some pleasure in doing) is in 9 days and my bank account is at negative $50 so I won't be able to pay for it. Every day it's just getting harder and harder to push forward. | 2 |
Who should I call? | The thought of turning a gun on myself would be quick and easy but it scares me to know I might feel everything before I do it. But even now, I feel like such a coward because I can’t even work up the courage to get out of bed, grab my gun, load it and be over with it. I have absolutely nobody to talk to and if I called a hotline I don’t want them calling the police. Is there a hotline I can call that’ll just listen to what I say and not try to call the police? | 2 |
I'm 53 and I have screwed up my career and my life--probably permanently | I don't know even know if this is the right subreddit for this--if not maybe suggest a better one. I don't mean to break any rules, although that is another problem I seem to have...
It's a long story to tell but I hope you will stick with it. All I know is the situation has left me very depressed and wondering if I have any real future.
You see, I have been out of work for 16 months. I got fired for violating company policy--two dumb mistakes that were my responsibility--although not done intentionally. Now after 16 months of not being able to even get an interview, I am coming to the conclusion that my career is over and I am basically unemployable in any position that even comes close to my experience level.
Add to that I have raging ADD and executive function disorder that continues to worsen and that no doctor or therapist (and I have seen a long list) have found a way to help me control. Meds have not worked. Therapy has not worked. Nothing has helped.
I am fortunate my wife has been understanding and supportive, but my confidence is shot. I feel worthless. I don't know where to go or what to do. If it were not for her, I would be living on the street or in a shelter. I would have no income, no insurance, or anything else.
Maybe if I tell the story it might make sense to you or, if nothing else, help me make sense of the situation.
For 21 years, I was a partner in small advertising with a specific industry niche. The firm had its ups and down. My partner and I decided to close a few years ago when, although we were doing well at that time, we were feeling burned out, saw looming issues in the competitive landscape that looked very troubling and we both just wanting to do something different with our lives.
Toward the very end of my time as a partner, I chose to return to school. I went to a top-15 business school to get a one-year masters in analytics. I may have raging ADD and executive function issues, but I am pretty bright intellectually at least. Originally, I did this because I knew analytics were playing a HUGE role in advertising and I wanted to stay on the cutting edge. After we closed, I also thought it could help me transition into something new.
It took a long time--about 18 months--to find a job. It was with a mid-sized company that my old firm had done some work for so I had some relationships there and they liked me. I was hired for a newly created role that was not in the C-suite but interacted extensively with everyone in senior management across all areas.
Going to work there was a very different environment for me. My company had been very small. A handful of employees and subcontractors. Now I was going into a company of about 250 people, some of whom I knew, especially in senior management, and others I didn't. Suddenly, there were policy manuals, departments, hierarchies, and other things that may seem run-of-the-mill to most people, but were things I had not seen since I was 25 years old--and then for a brief time at that. I am not trained to be mindful of these things. I feel like it should not be hard to be mindful of them, but I never really thought about them because for 20+ years I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and had to answer only to myself and my partner.
I am proud of many of the projects I worked on during my 14 months there. While I am a little uncomfortable talking about the specifics here, I can say that I helped create and implement changes that will have a positive impact on that company for years to come in terms of employee morale, board-management relations, digital transformation and other areas that will improve operations and save serious (in the millions) money. I made a real difference. The ADD stuff created some havoc but overall, I was able to get some meaningful things done. On the one employment review I had, I got some very good scores and remarks.
Quick aside: Having never received an employment review before, I found the process anxiety-provoking. I am already overly self-critical when it comes to my work--far more so than others would be. To hear someone evaluate me like that was one of the most uncomfortable things I have gone through--and this was generally a good evaluation. Maybe those who have worked in business environments like this are used to it, but it was dreadful for me.
In spite of my good work, I violated company policy in terms of computer usage twice. Neither time were intentional. Still, they got me fired.
The first violation I didn't even know had even happened until I was called into HR about 3 months into the job and written up. I mean it was a freak mistake that I had to go back and piece together how it even occurred--which is when I learned about a quirk about Safari on the iPhone I was totally unaware of. But it DID happen. While I had no idea it was happening at the time of the violation, I was responsible for it. I took it on the chin and didn't argue. I was told if I violated again I would be fired.
The second violation was 11 months later and also accidental. I was working from home, It was after hours. I forgot to swap the work laptop for my personal laptop and I used the work computer (which was still connected to the company network) for personal purposes (nothing porn or anything) that violated the policy. It got flagged by IT since I was on the company network. IT sent it to HR and I was fired. I accept that. I needed to be more mindful than I was. The company is--rightly--very cybersecurity conscious. When I was written up the first time, I was warned that another offense would result in termination without regard to the magnitude of the violation. And it did.
I am 100% responsible for my carelessness. I hold no malice to my employer. I am just sad that the folks I knew before I was employed there will likely never speak with me again. In my carelessness I lost those friendships.
This happened a little over 16 months ago. I am now 53--soon to be 54. I have applied to tons of jobs. I cannot even get an interview. Headhunters show no interest. I have had pros look over my resume and they tell me it is fine or give me minor tweaks which I implement. But no one wants to talk to a middle aged white guy. To keep busy I pick up what freelance work I can, but it has been slim.
And so, I am feeling doomed--and I have not even gotten to the painful point with a single application where I have to explain I got fired for violating company policy--which just seems daunting and humiliating.
While I believe I still have a lot to offer, I am seriously wondering if I am even employable in any sort of meaningful way. I mean I am sure I can work fast food if I wanted, and I appreciate the folks who make my Egg McMuffin, but I would like something a little more in line with my education.
I really do not want to start a new business from scratch, especially if the economy is about to turn south. And honestly, I am in such a dark mood, I am not sure I could even do it. I would rather find a place I can work and make a meaningful contribution while also being challenged so I can continue to learn and grow in my skills. But I am wondering if that ship has sailed. I am older worker who can't seem to follow basic rules. Why would anyone want me?
I told a version of this story on the career guidance subreddit and got almost no response, which basically confirmed to me that this has no solution. I feel like I have thrown my life away and it is deeply depressing.
What do I do now? | 2 |
Seeking a bit of help | This problem may not sound very important to any of you. I’ve been on medication that was prescribed to me for roughly a year now, it’s working greatly but recently I decided to stop taking it, now I know this is a stupid decision but it’s never really affected me, I almost thought I wouldn’t have needed the meds anymore, but recently it’s been taking affect on me at night, my anxiety is greatly increased and I swear I keep seeing things in the corner of my eye, or in my closet and what not. Now that I know how bad not taking medication affects someone, I’ll def be regularly taking my meds, but I mainly need help with coping. It would be greatly appreciated for someone here to give me a couple tips on how to cope with severe anxiety. | 1 |
Why do I feel like I’m lying when I tell someone about my mental health? | I’m having a really tough time right now, but when I tell someone about it I start to feel guilty and as if I’m lying when I know it’s all the truth.
I feel like so many bad things have happened that no one would believe that it could be the truth.
It makes me feel like I should soldier on because no one would ever believe that all of that would happen to one person.
I know that it’s silly and no one has ever given me a reason to think like this, but I get this horrible guilt whenever I talk to someone about what’s going on. | 1 |
:( | I've been hurt by strangers, friends, family, and most importantly, myself. The only people who haven't hurt me are my rabbit and stuffed animals. I'm doing better, but I just know that one day I'm gonna shut down and shut out everyone in my life. I wish I can move out to the middle of nowhere and never talk to any human being face-to-face again. | 16 |
I want to end it all so bad. | Just like the title says. I’m so tired of being here. I don’t amount to anything and I’m not really attractive. I have goals but I never want to get out of bed to fulfill them. I’m not going to say that everyone would be better if I left because I know that some people would be sad. But my brain just feel happy when I think of finally being a peace. | 0 |
That’s hard | Something hit me hard but too shameful to tell anyone irl even I know my friends are kind to me, and I just can’t forgive myself even with my faith. I just feel I’m getting closer to closer to sth horrible. No imminent life threat but the trends doesn’t looks good. | 1 |
No hope is left for me, no matter how much of an optimist you are. | Life is fucked up, but what I don't get most is the fact that I'm supposed to fix my life anyhow.
All of us can fix our life, if we really *really* try, but I just don't, because I find it absurd the fact that I have to a path in this ever increasing mountain of stress. I, out of EVERYONE ELSE has to somehow find a path that seems satisfactory for me.
I **barely** have any friends, I don't have **goals**, I strive for **nothing**, because **nothing** has really seemed appealing to me, and everything that I have tried so far, has hurt me so *so* much more than helped me find any sort of satisfaction in this god forsaken earth.
I don't get how people can just be fine with this, to embrace this lack of direction and use it as fuel to grow as a person. I wish I could also say I don't understand how people can be happy with this change, but I'm well aware that what would atleast make me slightly happier would most likely come as a result of changing my ways.
Still, I'm scared stiff, and don't want to move, this lack of direction is killing me and I hate the fact that I have been brought into a world of meaningless, and that I was stomped on to further *fuel* that meaningless.
I just... wanted a world where I could be happy without having to find my "true potential" or whatever how you want to call it. | 2 |
waiting to die | i haven’t felt loved in so long. i just want to let go. waiting for my breaking point to build up the courage. why does life have to be so lonely. inside my head i’ve always been alone. | 3 |
Living Life to the Fullest - Never Drinking Alcohol Again | I use my Centrelink to travel Australia, play guitar, and write poetry. But I still feel so alone.
A lot of people compliment my guitar playing when they hear it, and whenever I happen to read some of my writing to somebody, they say it makes them feel emotional, like it brings a tear to their eye. But it all really feels like it's in vain. I know that there is no meaning to life, and that alone is a reason to live, but this agony is unrelenting.
My life would be so different if I never started drinking alcohol, but I feel like my life would be so different if I was never miserable enough to start drinking alcohol in the first place, because I never did it in moderation. I did it to escape from my horrible family life, which was strict, overbearing, and cruel.
I ruin almost every relationship I ever have when I get way too drunk. But after a week, I always somehow convince myself that I'm not going to act that way again. But I do, and it's fucking embarrassing.
Like, to cope, I fill empty wine and whiskey bottles with water, just to give myself the sensation of drinking alcohol from a glass bottle.
I travel every day so I get enough exercise. I play guitar and write every day so I'm exploring hobbies and using my energy all the time but I don't feel like I can connect or maintain relationships with people because at this point in my life I've effectively destroyed so many relationships and just become a massive fucking burden to everybody.
I don't want to interact with anybody or develop or repair relationships until I can prove that I don't drink alcohol anymore, but I fear that I fucking will drink alcohol because I'll feel emotionally supported by other people, and then I'll be like, ah well, now I don't need to control myself because I'm being supported by others. But like, fuck, I want to kill myself.
Whenever I reach out, people just think I'm attention-seeking. | 0 |
I don’t know who i am | I’m 24 years old now. I just fell like a shell of who i used to be. i got diagnosed with major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder this past january. i’ve been on 10mg of lexapro since then and i just feel hollow. I have to really force myself to do anything i’m interested in, it’s a battle to get out of bed in the morning, and my mood has been unstable for the past month. I just feel different and it’s really hard to explain | 2 |
Feeling like a disappointment | Why does everyone expect so much from people? Like I know I'm not perfect but why does it need to be restated every day. I realize my family hate me and that everything I do lets them down, but the sad thing is that they never even try to hide it. It makes me feel like maybe I'm the problem and maybe I should just go away for good, that way at least they can be happy. But at the same time I don't want to be a burden alive, I would still be a burden dead, and I just don't know how to get out of this endless cycle. | 1 |
Scared of the dentist’s criticism | So my depression is still here and it’s been manageable {as in staying alive} but for the past year I’ve not been consistent in taking care of my teeth. A year ago was the first time my dentist even counted while checking out my gums and it’s bad and I was told to do better. I haven’t gotten better though and I’m supposed to reschedule an appointment soon but honestly I want to avoid it as much as possible.
Is there any way I could help myself be consistent with brushing my teeth or help my gums heal fast??? | 3 |
Words left unsaid | The text the calls the chats, memories, time spent, kisses, hugs, tears. All of these shared between me and this wonderful amazing woman. The time spent together was worth more to me than anything, anyone, item. All of it to me was priceless. She showed me the light the path the way to true happiness she showed me how to love again how to be cheerful, comfortable, happy, loving, me again.
She was the reason I got up in the morning the reason I wanted to be a better person the reason I fell in love all over again the reason I wanted to be a better man not for me but for her. She was and still is the light in my life the beat in my heart the meaning in my life. The words, text, calls all of these unset messages, tears, notes. All of these will never get the chance to grace her heart, ears, eyes. These unsent items forever bouncing in my head on my phone on my heart. Something. I gave her everything my mind, heart, and soul. They are hers to keep. She showed me the path to find happiness and I’ll forever be grateful.
I cherished her like I was dying, held her like the world was ending, kissed her like nothing else in the world mattered. No one and nothing has or will ever amount to who or what she means to me. She was and still is everything to me and o wish I didn’t fuck it up. All I do is fuck everything up and I try so hard to not do that. Talking to her and loving her is and always has been like walking on egg shells but hers were more delicate because I didn’t want to mess anything up I wanted to give her the love I have, the help I wanted to give, the time I have left in this planet.
All of it was dedicated to her. I wish I could undo this past month of it meant I had one more day, hour, minute with her. The time I wanted was a lifetimes worth. An eternity, ion, eternally grateful for her and the time she spent with me even through some rough patches but she still found a way to make time for me, the fact after the destruction had happened the dust had settled all of it she still came out on too looking gorgeous because no matter what she was perfect in any setting.
She could be sick, looking like a train hit her, a car, something and to me she would still be beautiful, astonishing, gorgeous, amazing. The man I wanted to be for her was unlike anything I have ever done. I wanted to wake up kiss her every morning tell her how grateful I am to have her in my life, make breakfast for her and everyone. Make sure her kids were taken care of if need be. Help out anyone in her life even if they hated me or disliked me. I would have brought heaven and hell together to help out her ex or whatever if it meant she was happy. I would intentionally wreck my car, jump off a bridge, train, etc if that’s what she wants because to me she comes first no matter what.
The man I wanted to be was loving, caring, bending over backwards, breaking my own back, helping out when I can’t, everything in my body belongs to help her. She was worth all the pain, stress, drama, love, happiness, tears. She is worth all of it to me because she is perfect. She is worth anything to me if it meant I had one more day with her, one more hour, minute, second. She was and still is everything to me and the fact I fucked up and ruined everything is one regret I’ll have for the rest of my life. I miss her. I miss her so fucking much but I can’t ever tell her I can’t ever show her I can’t even let her see me because I don’t want to hurt anyone ever again. I love her so much and I wish I could have shown it better I wish I could have givien more than 125% of me to her if it meant that I had her once more.
All these unsent messages, text, calls, voice chats, letters, notes. All of these will never have the chance to grace her precious eyes, ears, mind. I’ll forever have her in my mind, heart, and soul because I meant it when I told her. She has me booked out for the rest of my life and that all three things belong to her she is my world and I wish I could have had the chance to show her to chance to let her see how much o wanted to make it work. How much she would have meant to my family. She will forever be the one that got away. The one I wanted to be my last the one that o have been missing my entire life. So with that. She is my missing half, the last piece to my puzzle, the one I believed was my soul mate. 💜🌺🫶💋
I’m sorry for everything if you ever read this. You were and are the one I want to die with and for. J.R you were and always will be the love of my life. I hope you understand that I never meant anything bad to happen I hope you see this and I hope you know your always on my mind. Second gear 🥵, too good, pa-pu-saw (papusa) all these are my favorite things that I have memorized with you. ❤️🔥💜 | 2 |
I think my only hope is getting out | Been having a really hard few months, with some really oof realizations recently (that I'm still traumatized and feeling those effects, that I have some fears of abandonment, on top of what I already knew like emotional neglect and abuse etc)
It's really hard to not be *allowed* to live the life you want, to live the life that would make you happier, when you are otherwise technically able to. I'm tired of trying to please my parents only to get nothing back, I've literally exhausted even my drive for university, which is bad bc degree but also I feel a greater need to just be out of this house and be happy. I can't afford it right now, but I'm hoping to start up an online business selling a craft I love, I hope I can save up enough to even room with some friends. I just need to get out before I feel like permanent things are my only way out. I tried expressing to my mom my frustrations for the umpteenth time, and got hit with the classic "my life is and has been worse" "no ones happy with me", she didn't change her tune till my confession of abandonment fears came out. My parents did a lot of forgetting to say things to me growing up, a lot of negativity around me that happily filled in the omissions my parents left open. Like I genuinely believes and honestly kind of still do that both my parents dont unconditionally love me. I do believe there's a line or point where they would kick me out, or keep me in and physically/verbally abuse me to the point I'd kick myself out bc I know I'd have more support outside the house than in it.
For now my only hope lies in leaving. Gotta leave. Really tired of all this.
Hope y'all are doing better than I am. | 1 |
I hate social media | I’ve been obsessing over Instagram lately. I have a small amount of followers and almost all girls I know in real life have more than me so that means they are hotter than me (I’m not stupid). I just can’t imagine finding anyone that likes me when I know I look the worst out of all the other girls around my age/town. I can’t delete it because it’s my only social access and I have no friends. Life is really hard right now. | 2 |
I just want to get out of this episode and get better | I've been diagnosed with clinical depression since middle school from being a survivor of CSA at ages 4-9. I'm 25 now. The anniversary of my friend's loss of life is coming up and I'm spiraling. I think that's what triggered it this time.
I felt the episode start a few days ago and I can't seem to get out of it. I can't sleep, I can barely get myself out of bed. I struggle to make myself eat. I've been struggling with commission work. All I can get myself to do is shower.
I don't want to be like this, I'm trying so hard to get out of it but I can't. I don't have access to therapy and my loved ones are not able to physically visit me at this time, so I'm pretty much isolated. | 7 |
I'm convinced my life is going to fall apart any second | So recently I went through a few major life changes, got divorced after years of dating and a few months marriage, I had to move, left my first major job where I had become fairly comfortable for a job that pays better and has more growth opportunities but is constantly stressing me out, and I started dating one of my friend's exes.
Now these changes haven't really affected me that badly. To be honest I feel like they've made my life better in quite a few ways, on paper my life has actually taken on an upward trajectory, but there's this weird feeling that's developed in my head recently and it's starting to worry me quite a bit.
I've become convinced that I'm going to slip up and just destroy everything I have going for me.
Up until now I've always felt fairly in control of my life, but just before all these changes happened I started having full on breakdowns over the stupidest things. And quite often it feels like the things triggering the breakdowns are stupid enough that if I let them matter to me for too long it's going to spill over and make me say or do something that I can't take back.
Every day I wake up and I dread having to be alone with my own thoughts because literally anything could trigger it. One time it was a song and i just burst into tears, another was because two people didn't want me over at their house for external reasons and I became convinced they didn't want me to exist. Most recently the new girlfriend told me a story about her past and I spent the rest of the night in a tailspin and all she could do was be concerned because I couldn't tell her just how shallow my thoughts were being, while simultaneously feeling so damn awful that I was doing this to her.
I just want the noise in my head to stop.
TLDR: my life should be great but I've become terrified that my recent breakdowns are going to make me do something I'll regret and I just wish more than anything in the world that it would all stop. | 2 |
Just waiting so I can die | I don't see any use anymore, waiting for help takes too long, the nights are too long. I barely sleep, eat. Have no friends, no money (like at all, do not know how to make it through the month) . I have several numbers for a crisis team and an IHT team, but I just don't know what I would say to those people.
I simply do not believe things can get better. Things have been bad for so multiple decades and I am too tired to push on. I have no hope for a future, no hope I will ever get better. People have said that I should give help a try since I haven't had any proper help. I've been in therapy but it was grossly inadequate to the issues I have, so I just walked away.
The urge to kill myself grows stronger every second. It's all I think about and I am conflicted, because I have 3 options:
\- Kill myself and just get it over with
\- Get help, maybe get better, but then having to accept being broken and that I will never be "whole"
\- Get help, have it not work and try to qualify for euthanasia.
I'm just tired, stressed out and longing for an end. Why can't it just end?
​ | 1 |
Can someone see me? | It's crazy the lengths i go to to hide my pain, yet it crushes me when no one notices theres something wrong. | 12 |
Does life ever actually get better | I’ve been struggling with Anxiety and Depression since I left high school. Got so bad I dropped out of college and just started working. Made some bad choices in life ended up losing my career. Now I’m work a dead end job that only has part-time hours. I’m 25 and feel like I’m going no where in life. I keep hearing from people it gets better or it’ll all work out in the end. But how true is that because like when I see other people in my life that are older then me that deal with mental health issues it doesn’t seem like it gets better. Honestly seems worse cause more responsibilities pile on mortgage,kids, more bills, and etc. It just doesn’t seem worth to me to keep on living like honestly what’s the point if I just have do this for another 50-60 years. Like besides having a loving family literally nothing is going my way in life. I’m honestly just so frustrated with all the thoughts in my head all day. Like I constantly hope I would just die in like a car accident or of like a heart attack or something so it can all just be over. Cause I know no matter how bad it gets I could never take my own life I just wouldn’t have the balls to do it. Just want to hear other people’s thoughts and stories that are going through the same thing as me. | 3 |
I feel so down right now… | Hello! I am a (28F). I got diagnosed with chronic depression a couple of months ago, and I started taking Zoloft and a lot of therapy, and my life has improved sooo much, but at the same time, I have felt lonely.
I am about to get married, and I feel so lonely; during this process, I have let go of some of my narcissistic family. I have also let go of some of my best friends because, for some reason, since I got engaged, some of them acted weird; I also have changed a lot (I was an extreme people pleaser), and I feel like I am doing everything wrong. I can’t help to feel so lonely right now 😔
Any words of wisdom would be very appreciated
Thank you💓 | 5 |
A Constant Struggle | I’m 21(M) and I’ve been struggling with constant depression and anxiety for about 8 months now, all of my friends from university have just graduated and I’m failing and about to drop out and I have never felt this low in my life before, I feel completely and utterly useless because of this, the thought of having to tell my friends and family that I’m dropping out is so painful I feel so embarrassed and ashamed but it just isn’t good for me, every day I wake up during term time I’m reminded of how stressed I am and that I’m so far behind all of my friends. I’m not sure what to do anymore, at this point I pretty much have no other option but to drop out and it’s killing me on the inside, I know I’m not stupid or unintelligent but there’s always a voice in the back of my mind telling me that that is why it’s happened, I was diagnosed with ADHD from a young age and school has never been fun for me, I have good qualifications in GCSE’s and A levels but I feel like a failure that I couldn’t get a degree, I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life now, not that I’ve had any clue from the start, I never enjoyed any of my course but it was the only thing that I could think of to do and now I feel lost. (Now I’m typing this out it just seems so pathetic but I’m struggling so much and feel so alone) I just wish there was a straight forward way to be happy with myself and my life but at the moment I have never felt further away from happiness. I know I need help but I just don’t know how to fix me :/
(Sorry for the long and nonsensical text, I just felt like I had to write something down and this seems like the right place to do it) | 4 |
My desire to participate in life is zero | Nowadays, I don't answer the phone, I don't text back, read my email or go anywhere if I don't have to. If somebody made a cage the size of my bed, I'd probably feel no different.
Everything feels so pointless. It feels like it's all gonna lead to one tragic end anyways so why bother. Why put so much energy into fighting and suffering when that is all I will ever get from life. You pay in pain just so you get a little bit of happiness and it's not even worth it.
Love can't save me. It feels like a burden. They're making themselves vulnerable for me to hurt them and in turn it hurts me. It's all so silly and stupid. I wish love could really make you strong. But it made me resentful.
They pressure me into suffering. All because they made the grave mistake of loving me. Now I need to be well and alive so they can be at ease. It's not my life anymore. It's theirs. I feel like an ornament. An object. I need to shine every day and be pretty. But there's only ugliness inside and out.
I hope to leave this hell for good someday. | 1 |
Having emotional outbursts that stop suddenly | I never get good cries anymore. Everytime I begin to break down and cry i will randomly just stop crying, and then I can’t even finish my cry. It’s like I go from being in complete emotional distress to numb in the span of mere seconds… is this normal? Does this happen to anyone else..? I’ve been off my meds so I wasn’t sure if maybe that was a factor | 1 |
Do I have a future? | I am 21, gay male, basically no friends, almost always isolated. I have:
* ahedonia,
* extreme difficulties with motivating myself to study, * severe social phobia,
* stutter,
* chronic pain.
So, yeah, I am all fucked up.
SSRIs and SNRIs did help with anxiety, but I was so anhedonic and depressed on them. I used to be obsessed with math, then I got anhedonic partially in 2020 and then Cymbalta killed my dopaminergic system.
I am now on 300 mg of Wellbutrin and it lifts my mood, it's been a great drug for me. Weirdly, it also "cured" my generalised anxiety and jiteriness. I also take 300-450 mg od Pregabalin for chronic pain and RLS.
But... I still have huge amount od social anxiety and one psychologist said that I have schizoid/avoidant PD traits, the former hit me so bad... Anyways, the loss of motivation for studying and life in general, social anxiety and avoidance of things started to really hurt me. I gave 3 out of 10 college exam this year. In the winter semester II had really bad anhedonia, depression and GAD to the point I was suicidal.
Obviously I should start talk therapy. I asked my psychiatrist for Trintellix as it has some procognition properties and it acts on serotonin receptors, but it seems that, in fact, it helps anhedonia and emotional blunting. I hope it has some social anxiety relieveing properties as well. She is also willing to prescribe me Ritalin.
I high school, I dreamed about being mathematics professor, I was deeply in love with the subject but now it would be success if I avoid being homeless. Same story for chess. When Wellbutrin kicked in, I got this motivation and passion for studying chess. Books are on shelves to this day.
If anyone has a simillar story, a simillar type(s) of problems, please share them with me. Thanks. | 5 |
What can my therapist do if i tell her i’m suicidal?? | I need to tell someone but i can’t have my family finding out. They would never ever forgive me. How much can i say before my Therapist is legally required to report me?
I’m a few months away from 18. Is it safer to wait? | 25 |
I hate my job, I want to quit. | I made a bald decision to move away from my family, and migrate to another country half way across the world. I’m 19 and I did this all alone. The first job I was offered here was a job in labour. I’ve been stuck in this job for 6 months now and I really hate it, I dread my evenings thinking about how I have to go in the next day and I’ve been calling in “sick” a lot recently because I can’t handle it. I want to quit, and do something easier like cashiering, as it was my previous job and I won’t have to wake up at 5:30 every morning for it, but I’m struggling to land any job interviews.
I’ve been considering using up my savings to quit my job and have time off while hopefully landing another job in time before I have to go back to my old one. I have about $10,000 in savings but I was planning on saving it towards something bigger for my future. I used to have a side hustle in music production and I was making good money from it in school but then I stopped due to my depression, ideally I want to peruse that as a career, but finding a better job for my mental health is a necessary step for me to take. What do I do? Should I risk quitting? | 1 |
Helping a friend with severe depression | Please delete if not allowed, or please direct me to the correct subreddit, I'd appreciate it.
I met my friend at a program earlier this year at university. He has a beautiful personality that always tends to make the people around him laugh, including myself.
He reached out to me a few weeks ago, and our friendship grew from there. He told me about his struggles with depression and anxiety, which came to my shock. From there, I'm always trying to support him, listen to him, and help him.
However, I sometimes feel overwhelmed because I don't know how to help. Maybe its because I want to give the perfect advice and support. Sometimes, we go for minutes or an hour on call in silence. I want to always say something, but I don't know what to say. I want to give advice, but I don't know what advice to give.
I want him to know that I'm always there for him. We were on call just a few hours ago, and I felt so useless. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks so much in advance everyone | 2 |
I failed my Entrance exam due to my narcissistic father? | When I had my 2nd attempt of Entrance exam(had cleared my exam in the 1st attempt but decided to score better in the next attempt) my father called my Relatives at home (they had the option to come later but he insisted them to come earlier) and I didn't wanted to get involved and kept studying but before I was leaving for the exam those relatives created a huge chaos due to which my focus got disrupted and had very bad scores I was so angry on my father but never said him anything and sad as well for myself because I sacrificed my social life and kept studying after that I tried to appear next year for the exam but I was so sad that I used to get trigger of sadness out of nowhere while preparing for my next attempt and eventually didn't clear the exam next year as well and the paper was also difficult and it was my last attempt.Now after the exam is over that relatives daughter took Post-graduation college admission in law in the ruins of my city and came to my house for 2months for internship instead of going home for summer break like her friends did. And she's is such a disgusting girl she lives in my house never sleeps till 4 in the morning and then goes to office come back till 2pm thensleeps 15hrs a day, throws all the garbage in the sink instead of using the dustbin, plays loud Netflix while having food on the dinning table along with my parents, finishing whole bottle of shampoo in a week that we all take atleast 2months to us, throwing all her hair in the drainage hole instead of dustbin, opening smelly shoes and not washing her legs, eating food without even washing hands and she thinks she can buy me by offering ice-creams and bakery items she's soo ill-mannered that makes me question are all the girls brought up by Rich parents are like her? And the Funniest fact is that my Father keeps his mouth shut and tolerates her just because she's his sisters daughter if I would have done such things he would have thrown me out of the house. She took 20days of 1st internship and took 5 days leave.My father is disappointed by me and he thinks I am destroyed after this year results came up but what about her she's no saint I guess and her mother is partying at home whereas my parents are cooking food 4 times a day for her which she denies to eat half of the times or disrespects by watching Netflix and shoving tasty food in her mouth as if she doesn't even care.My mother understands my pain but she has her job to take care of and now I am soo angry with myself and regret even why did I wanted to improve my life instead of letting it go usually that I feel irritated all day long for no reason.I don't even know why am I writting this on reddit I wanted to be a career oriented person with a highly qualified degree but eventually now I have to join some not upto the mark institutions and I don't know how to deal with the demons in my head. | 1 |
Not Sure I'll Live to See 30 | Depression has led me to drink, or maybe the other way around idk. But my job fired me, I'm running out of money for rent, and I have a wound on my hand from February that won't heal.
Went to urgent care who gave me some cream but I am just hoping it heals my fingers too which are actively dying.
How do you deal with this? What makes you keep going knowing you're going to bankrupt yourself and your family if you go to the hospital?
Sorry for the rant, first time talking about it | 2 |
this isn’t fair | I am so fortunate to have been born into the life I was. there are endless things to be grateful for in my life.
I didn’t endure anything horribly traumatic as a kid (or an adult, for that matter).
I love myself and who I am and I know I deserve the best.
why am I so depressed? it doesn’t come from trauma, low self worth, or any of the things my therapist tries to draw out of me. I’m at a loss. I don’t know how to work on myself when everything feels perfect. other than the fact that I cry for hours and hours some days and think about ending it most days.
I feel like I’m broken inside and that’s not fucking fair. medication has helped the depressive symptoms but numbs the joy in my life as well. | 1 |
I don't know what should i do | After the death of my girlfriend i became empty all of my feelings and emotions faded away. Waking up in the morning hurts. When i look at the ring i got from her hurts. When i look at our photos i start to cry.
The only reasons i didnt end it are my parents. I cant take away their only son.
Therapies didnt help, antidepresants didnt help.
Fuck my life | 1 |
Life is so awful, and I really want to go | I don’t find anything interesting anymore. People are boring, judgmental and cruel. They don’t understand what it means to suffer, and yet they’re so self-involved and obsessed with their own insignificant pain. They choose to identify with like-minded people and leave others who are different in the dust, and then continue to walk on as if they’re moral. It’s all a joke.
There’s no God. There can’t be. Religious people are so self-righteous, and when you challenge their shitty logic they resort to ad-hominem attack or playing the victim. They make me sick, but then again everyone makes me sick. People use phones and devices made by slaves in Indonesia and then get pissed off if you bring up how their convenience requires immense suffering. They’re shallow and weak. They’re disgracefully dim.
We should legalize universal euthanasia. It don’t matter what these pea-brained Christians do to lobby against it in the senate… people will come to their senses once economic devastation induces the need for genocide around the world, like it did in the 20th century. It’s totally morally better to legalize it consensually before it becomes totalitarian. These fucking Christians really are something… they act as if they have the monopoly on understanding the “sanctity of life”, when their very Churches killed so many in the past and their holy book has passages where God orders deaths of millions. FUCK OFF.
Everyone please, don’t try to get by. Give up. It’s not even remotely worth it. Don’t turn to Jesus or Moses or Buddha. Just end it. It’ll save you so much time. | 1 |
i cant anymore | ive never been on meds or anything and i dont have anyone to talk to
i just dont want to be around anymore i just cant take it im so sick and tired of everything i just want it all to stop all i do is be a 3rd parent and a care taker to my grandma i just want it all to stop
this is supposed to be the summer its been months since ive actually been happy and if i do actually vent to anyone i just cant and i feel bad telling people my issues because i know how itll effect them
i feel empty and alone no one want to go out with me when i do ask but they always say theyre busy or cant
i cant even sleep ive lost interest in everything i cant even go out on a walk on my own so i lie and say im with people when im not
im so embarrassed of being here alive
i just want the thoughts to stop
i just want to leave
i just want to be genuinely happy
i just want to leave all this responsibility gone for good
i know this all sounds selfish and pathetic
i just want to be normal with no mental issues
im sorry for whoever decides to read this | 2 |
Depression/anxiety getting worse and I don’t know how to change | I’m not looking for anything in specific here. I just want to get my thoughts out because I don’t talk to anyone about what I’m feeling.
I’m a 21 year old college senior. I have a caring girlfriend, a good internship with a global company, and a few close friends.
While on the surface it looks like my life is going in the right direction, I feel like every day I’m getting closer to rock bottom. I’ve never been more depressed in my life. I can’t remember a single day in the last few months where my anxiety has been under control. Im addicted to nicotine and gambling and I’ve gained 30 pounds in the last 6 months. Every day I wake up and get hit with a wave of dread because I know this day is going to be the exact same as the day before. No matter how much I convince myself at 2am that tomorrow will be the day that I start working out or the day that I put down the nicotine or the day I work towards living up to my own expectations, I just do the same shit I always do. Just stuck in a loop.
My dad’s failed suicide attempt was 2 years ago. He was an alcoholic and blamed myself and my mom for making his life miserable. He’s sober now, and has been doing what he can to rebuild his relationship with us. I’m terrified that I’ll let myself become the person that he was a few years ago. I look like him, I talk like him, and I have the same addictive personality. I look at myself in the mirror and all I can see is myself in 10 years having the same horrible habits that he has.
I hate myself and I’m scared for my future and I don’t know what to do to turn myself around. I have considered therapy but for some reason I can’t get myself to go. I don’t want to feel this way anymore | 1 |
The only thing | The only solution to this is to go out to the store and buy razor blades, aye? I want to cut every inch of my body. That will help me cope right? That will make it all feel better? No one can help me, the only thing left I have is a blade and the darkness. | 1 |
There it is | A bottle keeps me still and I thank myself for having rhe sense to keep myself from doing anything stupid. Alcohol keeps me too tired to do anything worse than spilling my thoughts tlike thick oil pouring out of my head. I cant stop that. And I don't know if I want to. It's the only part of me left that can touch anyone | 1 |
Everything sucks now | All the shows i use to be able to watch to wind down are just annoying noise. all the music i use to like is just grating. the video games i use to love are boring. i don’t fit in with my friends anymore. i don’t have the attention to read. even my family when i see them i just wanna leave and don’t feel any connection with them anymore. everyday i just sit and wait for the next day. i don’t enjoy anything anymore. is it just gonna be like this forever? | 2 |
The only reason I haven’t killed myself is because it would ruin my mum. | My dad died suddenly, he was my best friend and everything to me. A year later my girlfriend cheated on me. A few years later I got my dream job and 3 months in a random woman accused me of criminal things and got me fired for no reason. 3 weeks later I found out my current girlfriend (2 days before this post) has been cheating on me for months. My life is worthless, I have nothing. People say they care but they don’t. I’ve been contemplating killing myself for years, but now I cannot cope anymore and am actively planning how to kill myself in a painless way. Life sucks. It is what it is. | 2 |
My story | So I have been working for 4+ years now no savings because of this stupid gambling addiction. I know I am stupid but fuck man last year I have good savings and now I have no savings fucking hell. Fuck gambling I really wish I can turn back time. Been depressed for a year because I have no more money. Yeah I know its just money but my family is poor so money is important. Yeah im stupid. Why me!!!!!! 😭 | 1 |
I had the worst depressive episode | I cried for straight 12 hours while in bed doing nothing and my thoughts kept on eating my head i hate when that happens i don't know how to stop it. | 5 |
I need your Help, im lost and i dont know what is right anymore. | Im 26 in august, i moved to iceland from poland 1 year ago to become independent because i was spoiled by livin in my dads house. I have my own psychotherapist here and we speak literally about everything i trust her and shes young, we discuss my problems, bad habbits, existential crisis ect. Everytime when i feel i made one step forward for example because i realized some truths, i set new plans i quickly get burned out and again im going back to my bad habbits like eating junk food, watchin porn, playin games late instead of sleepin and many others. I learn about world and i discovered that i dont belong in modern society, its cancer, everyone wants me to be a bluepill robot like its beyond their understanding that i am someone who want to myself without takin part in this 21 sentury circus . My therapist knows that i struggle to find meaning in this life and she says i rly have to try find meaning like die tryin, she also tells me to accept myself and understand that i am just a human and i shouldnt put too much on my head, but you know what? i just got back from hiking and was sunny and i sit on the rock at the hill and again i tried to solve what is the right move to do, what direction should i take i give myself time and i analyze meaning of life soo hard that im getting overwhelmed, and yes i already heard that life has no meaning and im the one who gives a meaning to it but it doesnt work because i dont know what to do, i want to create new group of friends i dont want to work hard to earn money, i wonna travel, in fact in few months im flyin to asia to discover myself, i dont even have return ticket, my therapist approved and said its great idea, i am tired of livin in society where people teach you to be individual because to me it means being selfish in this times, we are raised to be part of the system, i dont wonna work hard to get money i want more time to have fun and meet people, but recently i dont have any new friends here, i know its gonna change once i go to asia with my backpack, at some point i will get into great backpackers community and im excited about it BUT, at some point i will have to go back, and it doesnt change a fact that i cant accept our current situation on this planet , we destroying our planet we are teached to be selfish and earn money, my generation is soo spoiled by social media that i dont recognize them anymore, when i find something i like and later it requires some effort i dump it and i look for something else, why is that? is it because i am weak and i cant stand challenge? or its just another thing that its not my for me? I am lost, i will probably do the same thing today evening : play some games watch porn listen spotify eat pizza and eventually think about all bad that happens on this planet, ignorance is bliss but i guess its to later after finding out how ugly we are as civilization. I belive i am bad person as long as i am human. What do you think about all i just said? I need to hear that there is some solution. forgive me my english guys. | 5 |
Tricks | Guys. How do you guys find happiness. If you know how can you please let me know. After all that have happened I do not think I’m in a good state of mind now | 1 |
My Past Sucks and it's Still Destroying Me to This Day | When I was young, I was bullied and picked on at school, and also by my step brother at home. He'd whip me with wet towels, yell at me, call me names regarding my appearance, hit me randomly, and often times make me look like a villain in front of my step mom. It wasn't fair. I lived with that spoiled shit bag for 8 years straight. Prior to that, I was an extroverted kid that liked to actually engage in social events. Thinking back on those years, i wonder how normal my life wouldve been had those events not unfolded. I live in absolute anger on a day to day basis, wishing I could change the past. And now, with even more family shit going on, I'm afraid to combat current events because I don't want to be physically hurt. I guess, in other words, I don't want a repeat of the past. | 1 |
I hate being alive | (22M) Well i really hate the idea of living and the fact that i was born on this world i really wish i didn't even exist, i have tried meds, therapy, pshychiatrist all that, i feel like no one cares really i have spoke about my problems all just to be laugh at, being told i have less problems than other people, being ignored, idk, i don't think su*cide will fix anything i just wish i wasn't even born.
I think i want an answer to all this, just an answer a little answer, that makes sense,why everything its this way. | 3 |
I just wanna feel happy again | The person I married is cheating on me again ( cheated on me before we got married ) we have kids my GMA just passed I feel like a burden to friends and family I just want the pain to end thinking about going to the ER because I can’t stop thinking about killing my self because I know co parenting with this person will be hell | 1 |
How do you ask for help if you don’t even know how to explain the issues? | If I can’t figure out why I feel this way, how do I get someone else’s advice/help? | 1 |
i feel numb | it seem everythng is gong to end noww | 1 |
I'm planning to die soon | Next month I'm planning to die the day my ex left me. The hurt I've had to deal with this last year bc of her was more than when my mom died. She said she got over things and still cares about me in a way but I plan to hurt her. I have nothing left to live for. Almost no family, little friends and I cannot trust anyone any more. I've written letters to people I care about including her. My life's been nothing but pain. I can't make a decent living, I've got no hope no motivation. I just want to die | 1 |
What is your experience like with depression? | I have been trying to understand what I'm going through and if it's just overthinking... Hence I would like to understand what depression is like for different people. Do you always feel sad? Do you have good moments where you feel happy? Do you stay in your room or do you go to school/work regularly? I really really need this, so if you feel comfortable please share your story. | 1 |
I am a waste of space | I (41F) am a waste of space. I have a SO who I am with purely because it is convenient for him. (cook, clean, share rent). We have been together almost 12 years and are not even engaged. I have a son who is almost 20 from a previous relationship (not planned). We lead separate lives because his friends and family do not like me.
I have never been engaged or married. Not by my choice.
And no one has ever wanted to have kids with me.
Dont really have any extended family and my immediate family is semi toxic.
I have no friends. And havent for years. Every so often i get a FB message from someone, they usually want something. but we are not even friends enough to have each others phone numbers.
Now i can not even find a job and have advanced degrees which now seem useless. I sent out tons of applications, got one interview. And they never even called me back after.
I have always tried to be nice to people, but I have always been the person that gets forgotten.
I am a waste of space.
​
​ | 1 |
I need help pls | Ummm..... Well it's my first time posting something here at reddit... No I mean first time posting things in any social media platforms related to my mental health. I just really want to ask anyone how can I cope with depression, anxiety and guilt because I really, really need someone just to tell me one thing what to do because Im afraid of what I can do to myself. I still want to live but it's becoming really hard to be positive about my life anymore. I know this sounds so fucking stupid but I really need at least one person to tell me what to do... Because I'm so tired and it's suffocating everyday now. | 2 |
I feel like im gonna cry again it comes in short moment where my eyes get really watery but it wont come out | Ive been thinking about how im lonely and then i tought about my parents (very abusive mom and absent dad) and then like i aanna cry now but i cant | 0 |
drinking at 11am | Drinking this early because there was some drinks left over from last night (roommate and me got high and had beers with pizza) so I drank those and now im still drinking because there's 4 more drinks in the fridge and like when else would I drink 4 more?
alcoholic arc is real | 2 |
I just keep falling | and I’m terrified. I wish I can die before I hit the ground.
Atp I don’t even know who I am without mental illnesses and it sucks. I’m in my middle twenties and I have no plan for my future because I thought I would’ve be dead by now. I’ve never had a relationship and I don’t think I’m able to love a person. I don’t have real friends that I can depend on. I’m too old to let mental illnesses take over my life and people around me just want me to figure it out.
It’s a place I’m gonna miss tbh but I don’t think anyone’s gonna miss me if I’m gone. | 7 |
Got drunk and spoke about my depression and sexual assault. | All I ever seem to do these days is moan about things. I can never have a nice conversation. I don't talk to many people and a family member finally managed to get ahold of me. I've mostly had my phone off and sleeping. I got drunk and just rambled about how miserable I am and I feel really embarrassed. I also feel bad because it's all I do. My life is just a mess. I don't have a lot to talk about and don't go anywhere. Throw alcohol in the mix and it all just flows out. I feel kind of bad. I wish I had nicer things to talk about. I've already mentioned the sexual assault to this person but I was quite angry on the phone. I don't think I was rude to said family member but I don't really remember. It's unlikely. But I hate blackouts. It looks like we spoke for some time and I barely remember what about. | 2 |
I feel weird being depressed | I can't think of any specific traumas or problems, but I've had periods of depression throughout the last few years. I'm academically gifted, and people tell me often that I'm going to be doing great things, but I just don't care about the future. I have hobbies, a good family life, couple friends, and cruise through school. On the inside though, I'm just tired of living, and feel weird opening up because to other people it seems like I have a nice life. | 5 |
Can't tell if this is the right place to put this. | Been on a downward spiral as of late. Constantly Wondering why people never wanna hang out, why I always get ignored (mainly by family). Just don't know what to do besides unaliving my self.
Was on a trip to Mexico was all great till I got the short end of the stick with my immediate family pretty much kicking me out of the table because the seats got messed up and some how was my fault stayed away the rest of the night didn't want my bad mood to ruin the night.
Got ditched the night we where all supposed to go out (ended up alone at the bar for hour before I got anxious and left)
Following day uncle came to our home and said I'm next to get married. Made me wonder why i have yet to be in a relationship sense my last one over 5 years ago.
I just want to be done with life nothing has ever been in my favor even when I do try I get shot down quicker than lightning .Social skills are non existent and I'm definitely not gonna find a better career than being stuck as a server in a shit restaurant. Thinking of cutting my losses and just letting everything be done after this year. GG to y'all. | 1 |
This Travis Scott announcement finna cover my depression for some time🙂🙂 | HES FINALLY DROPPING THIS MONTH AGHHHH | 3 |
Struggling mom with depression | Hi All,
I’m spinning. My mind is going 100 mph and I’m sitting here without the energy to move around, unable to find a way to feel better. I want to do some art, get creative or learn something new but I’m stuck. I know there’s worst ailments and pain out there, but this is mine and I know I’m not the only one struggling. My mind works against me almost like it doesn’t belong to me, as if I don’t have any control over my emotions, motivations.
I have good and bad days. Today, was a bad day. I stayed home and did the bare minimum with my kids. We talked about going outside but I couldn’t put that plan into motion.
I wish I was normal. I see people enjoying life while I just let it pass right by me. My life is surrounded by my favorite people, but I feel alone. The day-to-day stress of parenting, working and trying to be a good wife comes at a price. My mental stability is tested daily.
I often wonder if I would be happier without the stress and burden of responsibility that comes with marriage, motherhood or a fulfilling career. I always come to the same conclusion; I love and need my family, I learned how to love because of them. I know it would be no different. The emptiness would remain. I would be trying to fill this bottomless need to feel happy.
I write to get my thoughts down on paper so it’s not consuming me. I breathe and repeat, this is just a moment of sadness, and it will pass. All is not lost, and I can always try again tomorrow.
| 1 |
I finally fucking shattered | I didn't it could happen but there's a first for everything | 1 |
Sad | Sometimes I wanna die. I know how good life can be that it makes me feel so shitty when I’m down. I feel like I dont deserve happiness. The mistakes I’ve made and the mental tourment I’ve endured from growing up has just left me so worn I don’t wanna do it anymore. And in the same breath I think about the people who have it worse than me and all I can think is shut the fuck up you worthless shit you have nothing to be sad about. My feelings don’t matter. Point blank. | 1 |
No passions or opinions | I feel very dissasociated everywhere and I feel like I have no opinions on anything. I just can't see the point of anything. Like I used to be very opinionated and passionate about technology, science, geography, general knowledge, I LOVED IT, i loved the info and i loved being smart. Now im 180 from all of that and I just dont get it. Can anyone relate? Does it ever get better? | 10 |
I feel like a fraud | I feel like I’m a fraud because my feelings aren’t always the same day-to-day. Some days I’m contemplating suicide, and others days i just lose all interest in things. I’ve been feeling super lonely and isolated recently and it has not been helping me, but I feel like I’m talking myself into feeling things | 3 |
Divorce and Uncertainty | I've loved. I've hated. I've helped. And I've hurt. I've woke up at 3am to trudge through knee-deep mud in Alaska to catch thousands of pounds of salmon. I've helped friends navigate a river in the night, with our path lit only by a severe thunderstorm.
I've went on a thirty mile hike, camping around the buffalo river.
I've climbed cliffs. And I've jumped off of them.
I've written songs to share my life. I've played them and sang them with all my heart in front of complete strangers.
This may seem like a lot to some. And very little to others.
But either way, none of these events combined could possibly fill me with the uncertainty I'm feeling right now. | 1 |
Tomorrow I’m going to kill myself. I have no friends, have never been in a relationship, and have no idea how to interact with others. I’m done. |
This week marks the end of my 20-year life. I'm here because I have nowhere else to turn. I've had a five-year depression and made three suicide attempts. Since leaving high school, I haven't had any friends or a girlfriend, and I feel like I'm working myself to death. I attend college and am successful in all of my computer science classes. But if I don't have somebody to do things with in my life, it doesn't matter. Being autistic has made it extra difficult for me to socially socialise, and I have struggled with my self-esteem. Ironically, my lot is statistically either alone or dead by suicide, and I'll soon be adding my name to that list. Despite being told I shouldn't worry, I am confident in my intelligence and kindness and believe I will succeed in the future. But none of the things I formerly valued interest me anymore. I spend a lot of time in my room when I'm not working, pondering why I should put in another week's worth of labour. You'll claim, "I go out and stuff" and round up back in my room when every week is the same. | 6 |
Never had any real friends | Speaking for myself as a late-mid 30s guy, I don't think I have ever had real friends. When I was in school there were people I hung out with during lunch break and the like, but we never had many things to talk about and we never hung out after school. I don't think I have ever done anything after school other than sleeping and playing video games by myself. We never interacted at all outside of school so obviously once school ended I lost contact with them entirely.
It's kind of a weird spot to be in but I wonder if it's actually better? Like, I can't say I have ever experienced true companionship and belonging so it might make it easier to go without those things because I don't know what I'm missing? Who knows. | 1 |
how are some people so happy lol | like genuinely what is the secret??? | 1 |
I am lost |
I have been depressed most my life. I’m a 25 m and i just cant seem to get better no matter what i do. This crushing feeling i constantly have of hopelessness is getting really old. I think there’s something wrong with me. Ive been an alcoholic for almost ten years and i’m almost three months sober now, but ive never felt worse. I had a girlfriend i was really close to and she was so loving and supporting. I wish i could go back in time and try to fix what happened, but that wasnt meant to be. Everytime i get with someone i feel i dont deserve it, and that affects my behaviour in the relationship. I got constant anxiety and paranoia about the smallest things, and become a horrible person over time. I go from loving and caring to such a terrible person, and i burn all my bridges. I feel like a burden to everyone and everything. I used to blame it on trauma but i can never learn from my mistakes, and continue to make things worse for myself and others around me. Ive suffered with loneliness for so long that all i want is to not be alone and be loved and cared for, but my negativity and assumptions get the best of me. I make it so i have these grand ideas for my life but i keep tearing them down. Ive lost the trust of many. I had always weighed the idea of suicide. Death is the first thought i have when i wake up and it dictates every action or thought i have throughout the day. I have attempted suicide before, but not very good clearly. Called the suicide hotline for help and was so convincing to the lady on the other end, that the cops came to my house. My family was worried and rightfully so, but i was only ashamed and embarassed. For a brief moment i thought “the cats out of the bag” and had a small glimmer that maybe i can finally get better for once. But nothing changed. I was watched like a hawk and every action had to be pre planned and explained to anyone so i could assure them i wouldnt try it again. I understand they were worried, but it only made me want to do it more. Continued to drink alone every day/night and still had thoughts. But that was then, now i’m sober, and i recently broke up with my girlfriend, and I’m experiencing some behaviour thats not normal for me, even compared to how ive always been. Im much more angry, im furious at my ex for dropping me, i’m acting crazy. Im thinking really bad things. But this time im not scared. I am more content with the thoughts that they’re in there more than id like to admit. When it comes to me, i dont see it as an option if things get bad, almost like its something i have to do. Its the only thought that calms me. I keep wishing i didnt feel like an alien in this world, and so dumb and different from everyone else. No medication or therapy or life changes changed that. I just feel lost and hopeless. I chalk it down to the idea that some people just dont have what it takes to live a normal life. I am slowly beginning to accept that. Now i overwork because being around anything else just doesent feel right. I dont have any plans for the future and i dont know how long i can keep this up. This is also my first time posting so apologies if this is long and all over the place. Just needed to vent i guess. Thanks. | 1 |
Pregnant and depressed. | 31 weeks pregnant, and struggling with depression. Idk what it is. All the stress of getting things ready, trying to get everything we need, the house cleaned and all or what. I wish I was prepared for baby. But I’m just not, and it stresses me out. | 1 |
I would kill myself | It's my birthday today and it's been 2 months since my wife decided she wanted a trial seperation, father's day was a fucking joke... I had to go to my parents and her parents to celebrate our dads and she couldnt even get a fucking card from our kids (6 & 2) for me cause she is so preoccupied on 'finding herself'.
Today was filled with fights when I wasn't being informed and she was talking to a guy she's been fucking.
And the kicker..... She's going to see him tonight.... HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY to me! I get to stay home AGAIN and parent the kids while she lives her single life.
I just want her back. If I didn't have the kids here I would probably kill myself tonight. Medication and smoking weed have somewhat helped the last 2 months but it's getting less and less effective | 2 |
I feel so worthless | The only person that meant anything to me doesn’t care about me and my feelings, also i found out that everything they told me was a lie basically. Their name, their age, their promises, just everything basically. I’m fkn dead inside. They were my whole life sense n now i got nothing to live for anymore, the only reason I’m still here is, that i can’t afford my funeral n my family couldn’t either, so yeah I’m just stuck in a shit life which is absolutely traumatizing torture every single day and i can’t escape it without being abI le to afford dying. I hate my life, all i ever got in it was fucked around with n used cause I’m dumb cause i just wanted to be loved n liked for real, but i guess I’m just unlovable n nobody could like me. | 1 |
Its time for change. But where do i start? | Im 31, and feel sooo bored and lonely. Alot of my friends went seperate ways, and i dont really socialize. Besides my parents, im not really close with my family, and i dont know why. I grew up with them, idolize them, but were just on differebt sides of the coin.
I go to the gym alot, i work a decent job.
The only, and biggest flaw of my life, im really lonely. And its gone for the past 10 yrs, and gotten worst.
Im ready to change this. Im ready to get out there, meet people, make friends, rekindle old relationships, whatever fulfills that void. But idk how, especially at my age.
I have social anxiety, mustering up the courage to talk to new people, or even put myself in social situations, is a big obstacle for me.
I envy my cousins and friends because they have hundreds of friends, and never experience loneliness at the level i do. I want to get past this. I want to be normal.
I like video games, movies, writing, plants, lifting weights, alcohol.
How can i get out this funk? | 2 |
Im scared | I hallucinated friday and it was the first time this ever happened. I am 34 and i feel so hopeless. I have 3 kids and i seriously dont know how i got here. I have no friends and feel so alone. I.didnt think this was how my life was guna end up. | 3 |
Have you ever taken a risk? | I'll be more specific. Like taking an acting class. Or performing at an open mic at a comedy place. Something way outside the comfort zone.
I've had depression for 30 years now and it's become a fairly steady state. Unable to work. Puttering in the garden is the riskiest thing I do these days. Or drive to appointments or for groceries. I still get strong desires to Do Stuff like I used to. Back in the pre-depression days I took for granted. Where boredom was as bad as it got, and killing time always seemed necessary.
If you wrote yourself 3-5 minutes of really funny material, do you think you could go up on stage in front of people, depression on your face, and go for it?
Or what about an acting class where you could potentially score a role, but the depression could come on strong at any time during the run of the show?
How you do keep your life exciting, even if in little ways?
This is depression we're talking here, so "little" could be anything from daring to go outside to check the mail or to going on a date. | 1 |
Losing hope and I just need someone who understands | M21 here. Posting a journal entry that I made because I feel like it accurately describes how I'm feeling right now and I don't have the energy to type anything else. Here it is:
I feel like such a waste of space. I don't provide anything for myself or those around me. There doesn't seem to be a future in which I'm successful or well off. I don't even picture the future in general to end up right either. I feel like everything is just downhill from here. I have no clue when, if, or how I'm going to graduate (which upon rereading this is a weird feeling, since I'm getting great grades as a college student. I'm definitely going to graduate eventually). I have no idea what I'm going to do with my degree. I feel like I'm just going to end up homeless and not able to sustain myself given how everything in life requires money. It's all about chasing money and being able to afford things and I'm fucking sick of it. I hate living in a world where I have to pay my way through for everything. I feel like a financial burden on my parents. Things would be better if I wasn't here. Truly they would be. My parents wouldn't have to be so financially burdened by me and wouldn't have to see their depressed loser of a son waste his life away. My friends wouldn't have to see me in this state anymore.
I am 21 years old and I feel like I've already given up on life. I let my anxiety and depression control me to such an extent that I avoid taking charge in my life. That includes actually reaching out for help when all the signs are there that I need it so desperately. I feel like I don't even take my mental health seriously, so I guess I deserve to continue to feel this way. I shouldn't be depressed or anxious. There's no logical reason to feel this way, or any specific event I can point to that caused this. I'm relatively healthy, getting good sleep, getting good grades in school, sleeping fine, somewhat employed and making money.
When I'm not depressed, I'm kind, caring, hardworking, joyful, etc. But those feelings/qualities are fleeting when compared to how I've been feeling almost every day for weeks at least, if not a couple months at this point. I wake up every day feeling like nothing I do matters, that I don't have a purpose, that nothing is going to turn out right, that I'm not worth it at all, that I'd be better off dead, etc. I'm not actively suicidal, as in I'm not actively thinking of ways to do it or when to end my life. But I might as well be suicidal in the way that I just view life and my future as pointless and not worth living for.
I wish I felt normally about life. That there's always hope for the future. That every day gets better. I remember having some semblance of that feeling when I was younger. Now it just seems like the complete opposite. I don't feel like things are really going to get better. I feel like I've ruined my opportunities because I just don't feel like I take my life seriously. I don't feel like an adult. I feel like a child still. I don't feel fit for this world at all. And yet I continue to live. Not necessarily because I prefer to, but because so many people depend on me in some way. This feels almost as if I'm not living for myself, which makes things seem kinda pointless.
I don't feel like I know what I'm doing with my life and I feel like I'm living it on terms that are not my own. It feels so tiring every day to wake up and feel what I do on a daily basis. Not even just once in a while, but every day.
If anyone here took the time to read what I said, I'd appreciate some insight or support. I'm really going through it lately and I feel like talking to anyone would help. | 7 |
I am trying desperately to hold on to life | but I am losing my grip on it by the second. I am completely drained and I have no energy to do anything. I am suicidal but I am not sure how to end it. I am struggling badly. At this point, neither therapy nor depession meds are working. | 2 |
Sometimes I get scared that I’ll kms out of sheer boredom | It’s summer break and my depression is kicking me down. I’m about to be a college freshman and I really don’t know how I’m going to survive. I never had an interest in school, I don’t have the motivation to study as I did in primary school, and my social skills are awful. I have literally never left the house alone, I don’t know if I’ll be able to even get to class, and I’m not willing to waste my parents money. I didn’t even have motivation to apply for scholarships.
I just don’t want any of this. I don’t want to be alive. I’ve tried so hard to look forward to the future. When I was young I thought I would be popular, hanging out with friends all the time, have a boyfriend driving anywhere I want to (in my own car), having a job. But I have none of those things I haven’t experienced true happiness in a long time.
Everyday I stay in bed, watch TV, go back to bed. No texts from anyone to hang out or talk, but even if I did I’d back out, cus social anxiety. Depression has taken everything a normal person needs to survive away from me.
I don’t have genuine friends/support system. I subconsciously pass up on new friends or relationships cuz I’m afraid my mental health will ruin that too?! I’m doing this all to myself, but I can’t stop, I want it to stop. But my mind literally will not listen, I’m stuck in the past and I can’t get out | 1 |
I feel depressed | I just feel disconnected from something and I'm starting a degree soon and I feel like I want to live in Los Angeles I feel much more connected to LA than the city I'm currently living in. I feel like I'm disconnected from the city I live in. I don't want to meet a boy here. I want to move there but I don't know what I could do for work. | 1 |
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