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Need help getting a binder asap
|
My parents are pretty homophobic and won’t let me but a binder I have terrible chest dysphoria making my mental health considerably worse, I found one on a site that is on sale for 30$ and I have a friend who will let me ship it to their house but I just dont have a way to get the money. Any advice helps please :))
| 7 |
almost 2 weeks!!
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Hi evrybody i have been cleab for 13 days tomorrow 14 and i wane say to evryone that its worth trting to stay clean, just evry time you selfharm try to stay longer then the previeuse time.. you all can do this!
| 14 |
I believe I figured out why it's hard to get the idea of harming myself out of my mind
|
I think the reason why I think about relapsing almost every day, even when nothing bad is going on, is because, well, I don't see a proper reason why I SHOUDN'T do it. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact I'm 138 clean. That's it.
When I wanna relapse, my brain doesn't go: ''Don't do it, it's bad for you, there a way better and healthier ways to cope, just wait the feeling out, if you do it, you'll just feel guilty about it, and you'll just end up doing it again and again''. No, my brain sees the number and goes: ''Haha big number go brrrrrrr. Don't cut you'll lose the fucking high score-''
I know it's doing the job, but I've been dealing with this for a while and most of the time my reason for not cutting is that I'll lose my streak. I think if I wasn't counting the days, I would've relapsed a long time ago.
Also, even tho all my scars faded (I afraid to cut too deep), and when I go over the spot with my finger and feel nothings there, sometimes I would feel what I like to call "ghost cuts". Basically, I feel like there's a cut on the spot where I do it when in reality, there's nothing there. It's like it's calling me, I guess.
So even if I am clean, I still feel like I have a problem. Especially since most of the time, I don't have a specific time/reason when I wanna do it. Sure, I wanna cut myself when I'm sad, lonely, angry, feel like I'll never be enough, or that my feelings aren't valid, etc., but I also wanna do it when I'm just plain bored, or even when I'm happy. Like right now. Nothing bad happened today. I was productive, felt rather happy, had a few social interactions that didn't go awkward (or not as awkward as they usually go), my maladaptive daydreaming was in check, the driving school went well, and I improved a bit... Nothing remotely bad happened, had the most normal, healthy and just...normal basic day! Yet here I am. Wanting to relapse because.....? I mean I'm not gonna do it, it's 2am so I'll just try to sleep it off as I usually do but I'm still confused.
Why do I do this? Is it just because it's addicting? Is it because my self-esteem is low? Did I became to desensitized to everything bad happening to me to the point I stopped caring??? Does anybody else have this issue? If yes, how do you deal with this?
| 13 |
10 DAYS WOO
| null | 32 |
how to stop??
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i used to cut but since a few weeks i’ve been hitting myself instead. how do i stop this ?
| 4 |
Need help with a friend
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This seems to be the best sub for it so here's the gist:
A kid I know who's a bit younger than me may start sh, and I want to try help prevent that in any way I can. I got a message a few hours ago from them saying they purposely injured themselves on the face twice after doing it once by accident. As far as I'm aware, this is the only time they've done something like this, and I'd like to help them stop before it progresses into something worse. Is there anything I can say/do to help/convince them to stop before it gets worse?
| 5 |
Is biting myself worse?
|
these days I was very nervous about some events in my life and since I didn't want to cut myself again, I decided, when I got angry, that it would be a good idea to bite myself. I swear, I bit myself so hard it left a bruise that only disappeared after a week. honestly, it's much less destructive than cutting myself, but at the same time I'm afraid that at some point I'll bite so hard that I'll break my skin and you don't know how harmful a human bite is
| 11 |
I was able to manage 56 days before but now I can't even make 2 weeks...
| null | 24 |
Advice for scar healing?
|
Hi! I’m 48 days self harm free! I’m hoping this is something I can leave in 2022, I have a lot of feelings about it I need to work through and talk out to my therapist but I know I need to try.
I have some scars that are white but raised, and fresher ones that are still red and a little raised. And I’m surprised because some of those cuts I didn’t think would leave a scar. Any way I just want to get this redness gone and hopefully help my scars fade so I can not be reminded and feel embarrassed any time I roll up my sleeves.
Just wondering what has worked for all of you in the past!
| 13 |
3 months sh cutting clean (7^_^)7
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im clean on cutting and havnt done it in 3 months woo hoo im not completly clean on sh as I still randomly do some hitting a little and stuff but im trying not to and been doing decent on other forms of sh as well this is the secend longest I ever made it just one more month and I will beat my ongest (7^_^)7
| 20 |
I was so close to failing-
|
I almost relapsed after 128 days of not cutting- I had a such shit day yesterday. My head was exploding from how much it hurt, I felt ill, had to go home early (from school), and got into a bit of a fight on the bus. Some lady started pushing me since I didn't move in 0.0001 seconds she told me I should move so I told her not to push me. She cussed me out so I pushed her and told her to go fuck herself. Yeaaaah I kinda lost my cool. I'm usually very chill, never angry but everybody's got their limits. Later I felt bad, not because I pushed her (for that I have no regrets like fuck off Karan) but because I felt ashamed about how I acted. And on top of all that dad was mean to me. I can just hear it in his voice, he's not happy with me. He did say in an argument once that I'm not stupid and that I should never talk about myself like that, but I can hear it in his voice when we talk. He wants me to be "normal". But what's ""normal""? He wants me to be more social like others, go outside at night, go party somewhere, and dress more normally, but that's just not me. I'm not social. I can be, I'm pretty close with some of my classmates but we aren't friends and quite frankly, I don't mind it that way. I dress how I want and I don't care what people say, but it hurts a bit when I see that he thinks it's weird.
I was thinking about cutting the whole day, I was even thinking of escalating it. Before, I would only drag a sharp edge of scissors across my thigh, making long red lines with small red dots. I'm really scared of blood, so I saw this as a good way to harm myself (I mean, there's no such thing as a good way to harm yourself but ykwim). I wanted to do it so badly. For all those 128 I wanted to relapse so badly! But I didn't. Last night was really bad, worse than usual. I could fall asleep because that's the only thing I thought about. But instead of cutting, I sat by the door (everyone was asleep since it was midnight, but just in case someone tries to open it) I was watching a twitch stream and I was just drawing where I wanted to cut. I wrote some positive messages such as "keep going, everything is gonna be okay, love yourself, it's okay to fail" and such, little flowers, cats, a really cool frog, butterflies, and sunflowers. I know it's not ideal but it's way better to just draw for a bit rather than thinking of putting ice and salt on myself or actually cutting deeper, y'know? After an hour, I no longer wanted to do it, so I was finely able to fall asleep!
But now I still wanna relapse goddamn it- Imma try, I'm not gonna give up just yet!
| 13 |
Almost a week clean!
|
I've been really struggling lately and sh'ing almost daily but I'm now just less than a day from one week! This isn't a big deal compared to where I have been before but right now this is an achievement!
I'm constantly fighting the urge tho so I really don't think I'll make it to much more than a week for now :/
| 21 |
I’ve been clean for over a year but I can’t stop thinking about it
|
I’ve been clean since September of 2021 and it’s the longest I’ve been clean since I was 11 or so. I’m really proud of myself for lasting this long but they past few weeks have incredibly hard and I can’t stop imagining doing it. I want to so badly but I know the guilt afterward will be so bad but honestly I don’t know if I care anymore. I don’t think I can handle this.
| 10 |
was clean for 1 day then lost my progress.. again
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i was clean for one day but then today i just kinda couldnt.. and it happened again, i dont really know what to do and all the time i keep asking myself the reason why i even cut in the first place, when my mind is racing i know exactly what im doing and i tell myself it hurts but i continue to do it anyway, its hard for me to sh and its just that i dont think about the cleanup afterwards and how my parents wont find out. they like to clean my room and they'll find bloody things like socks and random other things i have from wiping it and shoving it all in my drawers, i dont want anyone to find out about me selfharming but yet again its so hard not to, i have no idea why but i always keep crawling back to it and it just helps me relieve my mind and forget about my thoughts at the time, all i can remember is when i was cutting all i was focused on was the cutting which distracts me from the racing thoughts i have, but the problem is is that everytime i try and look back on what made me selfharm, i cant figure out why, all i know is why i want to stop, and i want to stop because i promised others ill stop, but i havent and i feel so ashamed because of it.. what would my brother and parents even think of me?? they'd be really dissapointed, and with everyone i feel bad for doing it yet again like.. my minds at a tussle and i feel pathetic, im ashamed for loosing all the time i was fighting not to cut, i still went ahead and did it after all my progress.. i just feel so pathetic right now aha
| 12 |
How do I stop
|
It’s been years since I’ve cut and in the last year I’ve started again. It was initially sporadic, but the last two weeks it’s been an almost daily occurrence. All I want to do is hurt myself. I’m such a worthless disappointment of a person and this is what I deserve. I’m also terrified of my partner finding out and asking questions. I’m disgusting.
| 4 |
Struggling :(
|
Hi guys, I basically sh in the form of scratching which can be so dangerous imo cause it doesn’t look like sh at all, so you can really get away with it. But Imm scared at how much I do it, I can’t go an hour without scratching somehow unless I’m outside with people, and I’ve scratched myself so hard that I’ve given myself dermatitis and infected my skin at least twice every year. I REALLY want to stop, but I have so much hatred towards myself and don’t know how else to channel it. My skin is infected right now and it’s so painful
| 16 |
hehehe NICE
| null | 36 |
25! 25! 25!
| null | 34 |
Why should I stop?
|
I can honestly not find a reason why I should search for less harmful alternatives or even stop hurting myself.
My body works perfectly fine, wounds heal, bruises go away, even if something gets infected, my body gets by.
So if it's dulcet/helpful in some situations, why should I avoid doing it?
Thanks
| 8 |
were all disappointed in me
|
im trying to stop. and i did for 2 weeks. my boyfriend and best friend were so proud of me. everyone is disappointed. i feel like such a failure. i dont know whats wrong with me. i usually have decent impulse control with other stuff, but when it comes to hurting myself i cant? its so confusing. im going through a lot & it all piles up. but honestly i dont even just do it when im upset, i do it when im bored, & sometimes i just get the urge, black out, then theres blood on my pillow. my left b00b is torn up, i bet its tired of being bullied lol
i was clean for a year n a half but i started following a friends vent account and they post a lot of graphic SH pictures. i found one of the main reasons i try deeper every time is competitiveness (in no way am i saying its their fault). idk what to do, i feel stuck in a cycle. please help.
| 2 |
this is crazy
|
i just want to tell everyone that i’m 31 days clean from self harm :)
i’m proud of myself for how far i have come
| 22 |
Alright so i am seeking harm reduction. More details in post.
|
Alright so this is May seem backwards and counter productive in what i am asking. Anyhow, I find SH (I Burn) useful, but the issue im having is i love picking and reopening wounds. Now i dont know why but its addicting. I literally just bloodied my hand. I found myself fascinated by the open wound n thought of ways to bother it more like pouring cleaning solution directly on it. So I am wondering how can I resist that more. Like example keeping my nails short so its harder to scratch. Immediate bandaging wounds so i dont get temptation etc.
| 2 |
How to help my friend who self harms (she doesn’t know I know)
|
I have noticed some cuts on my friends legs the past few times that we’ve been hanging out and when the idea of her cutting herself first came up I dismissed it because there where only a few but today we where hanging out and I saw her shorts come up a little and on her thigh there where like 30 cuts and se now I know that she is doing it to herself,
I really want to help her but I don’t know how or if I should bring it up, I really care about her and I think it would be wrong to just let it go
| 15 |
just passing by to say that i'm 65days clean <3
| null | 27 |
Oh wow.
| null | 72 |
coping skills needed asap. trying to keep 3 years clean
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I'm trying so hard to keep 3 years clean rn. My life just feels so pointless and I hate myself and the way I'm ruining my whole life. I haven't been this stuck on the thought of doing this in years. I've tried every coping skill I have and the urge has been here for 2 days straight. I've tried the usual distractions like working out, drawing, playing video games, and journaling. I've tried talking myself out of it, and how I don't need to do this because the feeling will eventually go away. I even tried the fucking rubber band thing, and I think that just made it worse.
Any coping strategies y'all have found that you don't typically hear/read about (really anything that I probably haven't thought of) would be super welcomed rn. Thank you in advance
Edit: I am a burner so things like the red pen thing won't work. Anything specifically for burning would be fantastic
| 4 |
Hahaha look at that tan! The place where I live is very hot all year round, tropical climate, so wearing long clothes would draw a lot of attention, my solution was to wear a bracelet. I've been using them since 2017 and only today did I have the courage to take them off and see the damage.
| null | 40 |
Will these ever completely go away? Fresh one is from last night, and the others are from less then a month ago. Didn’t cut deep at all, just scratch the surface a little with a crafting wire.
| null | 14 |
No Damage December
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Hi there, it’s that time of the year again!! For all of you who don’t know, I created a sub called r/nodamagedecember two years ago where you try to stay clean in December. We become a really positive and supportive environment, so it’s great a great way to help encourage you to stay clean (or at least get a little support form people going through the same thing) Feel free to join if you want! :)
| 24 |
Relapsed after years
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I had been self harm free for 5 years
Randomly relapsed, I thought I was doing good. I actually had a really good time with my housemates 2 hours ago (mostly just throwing stuff at eachother it was great, all of us were on the floor laughing so hard)
I did some coursework and had a productive evening. Then I just self harmed. I haven't nt done that in years and I'm a little freaked out, I don't understand. Is this normal?
I figured I'd ask reddit, and after losing myself in some , frankly HORRIFYING, other subreddits I realized this one is lovely. Everyone here seems so sweet and lovely. The posts showing people's progress on healing and the support they receive is wonderful.
I don't really know what the point of this post is to be honest, I just wanted to type it out I guess?
This community seems lovely.
If you're reading this you're wonderful. If you've commented support on a previous post you're an incredibly kind individual. If you're reading this and you're struggling or starting your healing journey, you've got this. You're stronger than you know and this won't last forever.
| 15 |
My streak of no sh feels like all I have left and Im scared I’ll f it up
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I’m (23f) 6 months clean of sh and sh only. Been trying to quit smoking lately and failing, I have no motivation to do anything. I’m disappointed in myself cause ive gone back to therapy lately and was doing genuinely good for a while. I don’t want to go back to sh, I feel like it’s a door I don’t need to reopen, but I’m at a loss and I feel stuck and I think about it
| 3 |
Me And Ai Are Back To Say: It's Been 10 Days!
| null | 41 |
Any other adults who struggle?
|
I feel like self harm is always thought of being an issue for adolescents and teens, and not an issue that adults deal with. I’m in my mid-to-late-20s dealing with this shit and I feel just silly and pathetic. Anyone else out there like me? So I feel less alone
| 11 |
im obsessed with hitting myself and idk what to do
|
everyday at least twice i hit myself in the face
i have no idea why, but iv become obsessed with it
i love the tingly feeling it leaves
im pretty strong, so its painful
obviously i dont just hit myself, but thats just something new ive come across
WDID?
| 9 |
!!!!
| null | 53 |
One week clean
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I’m honestly so happy but I can just tell it’s gonna be a hard week but just gotta fake it till you make it lol 🎉
| 13 |
I think i mental ill💀
| null | 21 |
I'm really struggling I really need advice and support right now
| null | 7 |
2 months clean this is the secand longest I have ever made it :)
|
it was hard and I hope I can keep it up but I was so happy I wanted to share I hope I can beat my record of longest I have gone without sh witch is 4 months. anyways thats it and to the others trying to stay clean as well you can do it might be realy hard at times but you can get throught it as well :)
| 14 |
This Is Small, But I'm Proud Of Myself! (Yes, I Use Monika After Story As A Tracker. Can't Install An App.)
| null | 43 |
2 days clean :)
|
Hi it’s me again, two days clean as of abt like 6:10 am today, thanks yall so much for all of the support on my last post, I hope everyone is doing well and that you all have a great day/night
| 21 |
If you actually quit for a year or more what worked for you?
|
I really want to stop but I keep slipping up after a month. Distracting myself never works because the feelings that make me want to do it never go away.
| 7 |
1 day clean
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Had to try really hard not to cut again last night but I’m trying to get clean again so yay :)
| 24 |
Tracking apps
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Does anyone have any suggestions for apps that track not self harming but don’t have obvious app names. My parents don’t know and they could see the app and question it. Thanks :)
| 5 |
ive been ignoring my streak bc the closer i get to 1 year the more i start to freak myself out about relapsing and not actually making it to one year 😬
| null | 44 |
What Self Harm Looks Like
|
When I get stressed or upset, I tend to hit myself on the head until the feeling passes, or to just distract myself from the emotional pains I’m having. I can remember doing this in grade school, all the way through high school and college, and it’s only been recently that I realized it’s been self-harm all the way down.
Toe, self-harm was always cutting. It was drawing blood or leaving bruises that other people could see. I didn’t realize that the impulse I have, and frequently take, to bash my hand against my head counted. But strangely, I’ve always known to keep it private- I’ve always been ashamed of it. And it was only recently that I told someone about it. I always thought it wasn’t bad enough to care about- that it happened infrequently enough (I had not done it for a few years prior to recently) that it was just a quirk and not something bad.
Anyone else take a while to realize that your actions count as self-harm? I also really struggle with a lot of advice to stop since it seems so based on cutting, and that’s not the physical sensation (or place) that my disregulated body is screaming at me to soothe. Are there any like… resources built around us hitters?
| 16 |
Im terrible
|
I’ve spent so much time trying to get better and feel better. It seems like every time something is going okay something terrible happens to derail everything. I’m so close again to self harm. I’m so so tired of being in constant pain(medical stuff). It’s so hard to keep the dark fantasy of just cutting my legs off to escape the bs they cause me 24/7. Im so sick of people looking at me and belittling my pain and saying I look healthy when I’m not. Nothing I do is enough. I’m surrounded by my triggers daily and i cant seem to escape them. I wish I could move away or die.
| 3 |
I dont know how to stop
|
Ive been dealing with sh for two years (I’m 13) and I’m so sick of feeling like this I know that it’s the worst when I can’t even go a day without it, or when I hurt myself at school, I got clean at the end of last (school) year and was clean the whole summer until I relapsed after 4 months and I felt terrible, went two weeks cvtting multiple times a day, every day for like two weeks, my boyfriend noticed and took what I was using to sh, but it only stopped me for like a week before I got more and started sh again, some time has gone by and i wasn’t “that bad” in my opinion bad the past four days have consisted of me doing this every night, I know I need help, but the last time I told my mother I ended up in mental hospital :/ I just don’t know what to do honestly and it feels like this is just a loop of time or some shit, I’m just tired of everything
| 5 |
2 years! I really didn't think I'd make it this far!
| null | 76 |
I had no idea I’d be here 2 weeks ago
| null | 30 |
red pens 🖍️
|
So Uhm this might sound kinda dumb but
I really like drawing on myself with this one red pen I have
It has saved me from relapsing many times
This only works because of the visual for me and that I well Uhm okay so
Tw for obvious reasons please stay safe<3
So I sh because I adore all stages of the way it looks
I think cuts and scars look cool
Like a lot and there is more to it than this but I want to keep it short
So I draw on myself with this red pen, the ink is cold
Then I watch it set
I get up and rinse the ink off
I watch the red flow down the drain
And then it leaves light red marks that I enjoy starting at
This keeps me from relapsing.
All I want to know is it okay for me to wear my light red marks out, they look like scars I have anyway and i think it's fine to wear them out it's just some days I need more to look at but don't want to make more
Is this faking??
Am I doing something really wrong??
This helps me so so much but I don't want to do it if something about it is wrong and today doing this seems offensive or something idk I'm sorry ;/
| 17 |
I don’t feel like I’ve “self harmed enough” even though I know I have
|
Before I start this mini rant I just want to say that this is in now way meant to be self harm positive. Please don’t leave any comments saying that I should self harm (that’s happened before).
anyways, when I self harmed, I never cut deep enough to draw blood. It still left scabs and scars but the initial thing never drew blood. Hearing other peoples self harm stories (mostly on r/selfharm) has enforced the belief that my brain can’t seem to shake. The belief that I didn’t cut deep enough. Logically I know that all self harm is valid and requires help, but for some reason I don’t believe I do. I know it’s stupid and I know it’s not true but it’s so hard to resist the urge to relapse again and I don’t know what to do.
| 12 |
Mental health has improved, but I still have urges
|
My depression has improved a lot over the past few months. It's still something I deal with, but it is a lot more manageable and I dont get depressed as often.
However, even though I am feeling a lot better, I still keep on having urges. I still have the urge to SH when minor shit happens or whenever I hold a blade for other things like crafting.
I try to use a lot of my other coping mechanisms I've learned in therapy, which have helped, but I still sometimes relapse
Will the urges ever go away?
| 4 |
idea!
|
tw for sh and scissors
only do this if you are stable enough to NOT relapse, please don’t do this if you think you will. for me, i ruminate on thoughts and they become obsessive, but i’ve worked not to listen to them and i am lucky enough to have supports in my life. if you are not in this place, that’s okay, one day you will get there :) if you are searching for immediate help, this is probably not the place, for me this is just a way to get emotions out in a way that won’t harm you in the long run. it does require scissors so again DO NOT do this if you think you will relapse. i love you and stay strong ❤️
if you are like me and you don’t feel the urge to sh all the time, but when you do, you can’t stop thinking about it and it’s super hard not to relapse, maybe try this? i cut my hair 🤷 like a lot of it lol. i already have pretty short hair and i’m working on a mullet type thing, but a kurtis conner mullet, not a redneck mullet. i needed a haircut and so i just figured, i’ll do it myself! it got my mind off of sh urges and thoughts and i feel cool because i cut my hair and managed to make it look okay. plus, it’ll save me like $40! can’t believe i still get charged for woman’s haircuts but that’s a story for a different time 🙄🤚
i hope this might be able to help someone :)
| 11 |
genuine tips to avoid cutting
|
I feel as if alot of adults/therapist don't actually understand what they're talking about when the topic of selfharm is at hand. Because of this, all the tips and ways they suggest to avoid it come off as shallow and not really understanding the difficulty of avoiding the urge. So I'm asking y'all, other people who have experienced the urges. How do you try to avoid cutting before it happens?
| 23 |
Scars
|
I used to cut on my chest, among other places. I hadn't cut since 2015. Recently my scars got irritated, turning them red and making them itchy and visible, and it was fine until it wasn't. A few days ago I started looking for a way to re-cut them, and when I couldn't find the tool I wanted I tore my house apart looking for it, before using whatever I could find. It wasn't a need or a want to cut, I just knew that it was what I was going to do. There was no alternative, it was like I was on autopilot.
Once I was done, I called a friend and had them take my sharp things, but I want them back. The adrenaline rush was amazing. I absolutely do NOT want to cut again, but if I had anything to do it with I know I would be doing it right now. I don't think I'll go out and buy more sharps, but I might. I can't afford the hospital, but I can afford a five blade razor.
I have to go to work tomorrow. I think I'll feel better if I'm in a place where I have things to do.
| 21 |
Therapy dog
| null | 32 |
1,000 Days
|
I have a "Days Since" counter my on phone; I have been waiting and anticipating all week for this. 1,000 days since my last self-harm. I'm pretty fucking proud.
​
https://preview.redd.it/h7aqyd8p21x91.jpg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0d9fb98b5b4bdb90913674704b4252a9a88f90be
| 25 |
/pos/gen
| null | 11 |
Frothing at the mouth to break my clean streak.
|
291 days, almost 10 months. I'm having an issue with a friend. She seems to get upset at me so easily. I try so hard to be thoughtful and I'm not negligent or selfish but I still piss her off. I feel like such a fuck up; how can I try to be good and still upset people? Am I naturally that shit of a person? What's the point in trying to improve myself if I'm still shit in the end? Why shouldn't I just go get wasted and have a knife party in my bathroom? Recovered me is still the same apparently.
| 12 |
Research opportunity: The relationship between emotions, self-compassion, mindfulness, and non-suicidal self-injury
|
***\*Content warning: this text mentions non-suicidal self-injury***
The McGill Mindfulness Research Lab is interested in learning about the relationship between emotions, self-compassion, mindfulness and non-suicidal self-injury.
We are currently recruiting individuals aged **18 or older and living in Canada** with a history of non-suicidal self-injury to participate in a 35-minute online study. The questionnaires will include the following topics:
* General demographic information (e.g., gender, education)
* Self-injury (e.g., thoughts about self-injury, history of self-injury)
* How you typically act towards yourself in difficult times
* Emotions
* Mindfulness
To thank you for your participation, you will be compensated $10 via e-transfer.
If you wish to participate, click on the following link to complete the pre-screen questionnaire. If you are eligible to participate, you will be directed to the full study.
[https://surveys.mcgill.ca/ls3/562265?lang=en](https://surveys.mcgill.ca/ls3/562265?lang=en)
If you have any questions or concerns, please send an email to: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Thank you for your interest in this important project!
Principal investigator: Megan Per ([[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]); PhD candidate)
Co-investigators: Dr. Bassam Khoury ([[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]); Assistant Professor)
| 7 |
just relapsed
|
so i relapsed a couple hours ago after being clean for 8 months. i tried to avoid it for a day and a half but everything i did that helped in the past did nothing to lessen the urge and it felt like the only option after the urge was relentless. so in the past when i’ve relapsed i immediately felt guilt and shame but this time it’s different and i’m worried. while it was happening i felt like i couldn’t stop like nothing in me wanted to despite knowing the potential negative effects. i did more than i thought i would and it was more than i have done with past relapses. i don’t know this time i just don’t have a strong urge to stop like i have before and another thing is even though this happened earlier i still am having a lot of urges now so that’s also concerning cause it just feels like now i don’t have much to lose since i already have relapsed. i don’t know what to do
| 11 |
Therapist says they’re experienced treating self harm, but something feels off
|
My therapist said self medicating with weed and alcohol would be better than self harming… I’m skeptical lol. This is my 3rd session with this person and first therapist I’m seeing since I moved and relapsed (I was more or less 5 years clean and have had a bad 2 months).
This seemed like a weird thing to say to me as I was talking about how I avoid alcohol and drugs because I’m afraid I’ll get addicted like with self harm. This therapist has shared a lot of their personal experiences with me including talking about past problems with alcohol abuse, divorce, ppl they’re dating... That’s more than I’ve ever had a therapist share with me and also makes the context of what he said even weirder to me.
This therapist said they’ve had over 20 years experience with therapy related to self harm and are also the only therapist who I’ve been able to schedule with for like 3 months. Very few therapists in my area list experience with self harm and see adults. Also haven’t done any like DBT or CBT exercises in any sessions with this one, it’s just been talking.
Is this just a miscommunication thing between us cause it’s early days or should I be looking for a new person? Also, any tips on finding quality therapists would be greatly appreciated.
| 22 |
Relapsed after 2.5 years of being clean
|
My life seems to be falling apart. And everyone keeps telling me I'm so strong. I've lost the best thing in my life. And now I can't get out of bed. I can't function. I can't think straight. But I'm so good at appearing strong and put together. Everyone thinks I'm so strong and sorted and good at dealing with life. When in fact, I'm just mess. A bigger mess than anyone could possibly imagine. I cut myself today. After 2 years of being clean (technically 5 years of being clean but I relapsed once 2 years ago). No one will ever know, because I won't let them. But the imposter syndrome is real. I'm weak af. But everyone thinks the opposite.
| 4 |
Please just make it stop
|
i'm lost, i don't know what to do anymore, i feel tired and empty i feel like trash, i just wanna sleep and only wake up when peace arrive
well whatever just passing by to say that i'm 25 days clean of sh
| 16 |
Hello! It’s me again
|
So i have self harmed again and it’s made me look like I’ve been mauled by a bear. I have a horse riding competition tomorrow and I’m going to have to wear a T-shirt. I’m planning to write a letter to my parents so i can tell them about everything but idk what to say. Can anyone give me some advice? I’m a very awkward person and i hate talking about stuff like this. :))
| 11 |
suddenly extremely anxious over the thought of giving up both drinking and sh
|
basically i went too deep and got scared into wanting to stop selfharm. and since i've also been sober for almost a month, i don't know how i'll be able to handle this. my sh got way worse after i stopped drinking, which i think makes sense cause i was replacing one addiction/coping mechanism with another. but now i'll have to deal without either.
i'm not exactly in a good headspace and haven't been in uh... well a long time. a lot of things in my life are not going great. what if i'll get worse without self harm? but i'm scared i'll go to deep again and get stitches, so i haven't selfharmed since that happened. this is the first time i'm going to actually try and stop sh in months. i haven't gone even a week without in so long.
this is mostly me venting but any advice would be appreciated. or even just encouragement.
| 14 |
will these leave any scarring? they’re on my hands and i didn’t even cut that deep but they’re already leaving some marks. will these go away?
| null | 16 |
Help
|
Does anyone know how to cover new sh scars? I have fresh sh scars that my parents can’t see as they make me feel guilty for self harming. I really need to cover them. Please help
| 8 |
How can I help my loved ones who SH?
|
For short summary, I am 27 and come from a dysfunctional family (like most!), and I married a man who came from another dysfunctional family. Both of our families have multiple members who suffer from different types of mental illness and anxiety/depression.
I have been a CNA, a mental health tech, and a behavior tech, and I hate to say it but none of these things have prepared me to help those who SH.
I have my own problems of course, and I thought I understood the deepest depths of darkness… that is until my favorite person in the world felt confident enough to tell me that they cut… you would never know. Such a beautiful, loving person can feel like this? I was told this over a year ago now and I don’t know if they know how deeply I care because I never know what to say about it. I know it’s not something that you can “just stop”, and I know it’s a deeply rooted need. I just can’t even begin to wrap my head around “why”, because obviously I’m wired differently. But my lack of understanding makes it very hard to express how much I care because I am afraid to say the wrong things. I know it’s a sensitive topic and I don’t want to stumble on the wrong words. How do I help? What do I say when they tell me they have relapsed? It has happened recently, and I still don’t know what to say… I want to be helpful and supportive!
Also, my 5 year old son (who is now involved with mental health services) has began to SH by hitting or scratching his face when he is upset. I don’t know how to help and I just need some advice.
I love them so much and I just want to help. My heart hurts for them and I feel powerless 🙁
| 18 |
I almost broke my streak last night
|
I haven't hit myself in several years but I almost did it last night. I was upset by a message I got on Reddit. I came so close to hurting myself for the first time in years.
| 14 |
300d milestone reached…
|
Hi! I’ve just joined this community, but I wanted to share my progress here to have it saved, and avoid doing something I might regret later.
I started sh when I was 14 years old, and couldn’t stop until I was 17. Then I got clean for the longest time I’ve ever, for about 3 years.
Sadly, I relapsed last year because of the stress of starting college in a new country. I felt useless, isolated and lonely, but decided to stop self harming after a really bad episode in November 2021.
Today, I am excited to share with everyone that I’ve reached the 300 days clean!
Sadly, I have no one in my life to share this with. As I said, I am living in another country on my own, and I don’t really have friends. We are close to midterms, so everyone is busy. I know it is something to feel proud of, but I don’t. I feel even more lonely that other days.
But I will continue to try hard. I am not going to mess it up again. So I decided to at least celebrate and mention it here.
To everyone who might feel guilt because of slipping and relapsing, don’t be so hard on yourself. The first person who should support you and be kind to you is you. It is a process, but even when a relapse feels like the end, it is not. It’s part of the process.
Be proud of yourself even if no one else is.
You deserve it.
Thank you for reading :)
| 37 |
this is my first time using as app and having something remind me of milestones and its kinda cool. i cant believe its almost been a full year, theres been a handful of times in the last 11 months that i almost had to start over from day 1 but im doing good!
| null | 37 |
Nearing a year!
|
In a few weeks I'll hit a year clean of sh. However, this realization has made me think about sh more and more, and I've been feeling more and more empty these days so I've been thinking about sh more. I want to reach a year because I have never reached that milestone, but at the same time the milestone truly does not mean all that much to me. It's like "yay a year!" and then I'll be like whatever because I don't inherently see sh as a bad thing, so I don't actively want to abstain. Honestly, I think I just made it this far because for most of this past year I had been dating someone that I didn't want to hurt by harming myself.
I haven't felt the urge to cut this deeply in so long, I don't know what to do. I've just been simmering in my thoughts, so can I just talk to someone?
| 7 |
On my last sober streak I made it 3 days, hopefully this time I can at least get to 4 🤞
| null | 30 |
I am two years clean. My family didn’t want to celebrate or talk about it at all, so I’m feeling a bit down. Here is a pic of my sweet girl. Without her, I never would have gotten this far.
| null | 76 |
I haven't done sib (self-injurious behavior) since May of 2021! <3
|
I'm proud of myself.
| 32 |
Ways to stop self-harming??? Please help me I don't want this all over again
|
I mean some may think it could be as easy as just stop doing it. But it's not. It's really not. When I thought I had stopped cutting for good, I did it again. Hard, just like I used to. I was basically clean since May, but over certain situations that made me feel ashamed, lied to and ostracized, I couldn't help myself and started with the self harm again. It was like the desire of doing it never left, even during the months I was "clean" I did at least one cut a month to see if I felt anything. Since I didn't, I didn't continue with it, but it just took some situations that caught me off guard to increase the desire again.
I really want to come clean here, because I honestly need help and advice. Yes, I go to a therapist but I don't wanna tell them yet, I just don't dare!! I was supposed to talk about it last time but I ended up covering a different topic. I really want to ask for advice here first. But after this, I think I'm really going to tell my therapist, I just need to get it out of my chest along with all the situations that made me hurt myself. I literally wanna cry rn so I cut in order that the feelings go away or something but it hasn't quite worked, I still have this lump in my throat, which makes a little pressure on the head and annoys me.
Also, I've gone out and visited part of my family recently, but I still feel like something is missing, like there's no point in doing all those things.
Before, when I felt the urge to cut, I was able to stop myself from getting the scissors, but now it's like I rarely think twice before just going for it. I get so impulsive and end up attacking my thighs and arm, no matter how much pain I feel, I just need to remember the situations that hurt me to keep going till' I feel it's enough.
I've also started overeating (which I think is another way of self harm) and even tho I see myself chubbier, I haven't increased my weight. But I still feel fat and unhealthy, I literally think I'm gonna get ill.
Back to the cutting, I've read methods to avoid doing it, like dancing, writing, drawing a butterfly on the place you cut, etc, but nothings seems to help, when I feel the desire to cut is like nothing else goes through my mind, no other possibility, bc like I said, it happens so fast, that I really don't think about the situation calmly. It's become my go-to solution definitely. Anyways, after writing this I can feel some sort of relief, and that lump in my throat finally leaving as well. Thanks for reading and getting to this part. Please consider advising.
| 10 |
Relapse ;(
|
I was 2 weeks clean and I had a relapse it’s so hard because then my brain is like “ we lost the streak why try to keep a streak “ sorry I’m just ranting here uh good luck to everyone else hopefully I go with no more sh today
| 10 |
it's not much but it's a start
| null | 31 |
I really missed that feeling
|
Once again I got that nostalgia about how it was to hurt myself. All the enzymes in my body and ... you know the stuff, I don't want to trigger anyone.
It's just, I miss it sometimes. Especially at hard times. I'm on my way to lower my meds and I already feel the difference. In both the good and the bad way. But I don't wanna do it, because of consequences.
I want my life. I would like to say I want it back, but it won't be the same. I hope so.
I don't believe I will never do it again. I doubt it and ... I'm not scared of that day, but ... I just want to live. There are things I want and I can't do them with my current meds.
| 11 |
Would my scars trigger you?
|
Disclaimer: this is sort of detailed, so pls click off if this might trigger you.
​
So, I’ve been clean for about 7 months-ish now, but my last relapse left me with pretty bad scars. Most of them 3-6 cm wide and up to 10 cm long and all over legs, some of them are bulging, others dent. Up to now, they’re looking good and I take care of them well, but they are very much visible if I wear anything short. I’ve worn short clothing outside on only a few occasions since I get stared at a lot and people start whispering behind my back and I hate it, but my biggest fear is that my scars might trigger someone if I openly show them due to their amount (i have over 150 on my legs) and their visibilit (they are still slightly red and change color). I love wearing shorts and skirts and whatever, and I really need to know if my fear of triggering others is justified. I can deal with people talking and staring, but I don’t want to hurt anyone, so pls leave a comment.
| 23 |
Year and a half clean from sh! two years sober from opioids!
| null | 83 |
im so proud of myself, it's been a difficult year for me.
| null | 32 |
do you all find it helpful to track how long it's been since you've last self-harmed?
|
i feel it might've been counterproductive for me to track the days and hours and seconds i was free from self harm. i tried to refrain from harming myself for years. i ended up reaching a year clean, but relapsed and stopped trying. because i began doing better mentally when i relapsed, i attributed my improvement to not trying so hard to maintain a clean streak. now, im stopping self harm again. im unsure if i should count the days clean for motivation, or if that would be counterproductive causing me to dwell on it longer than i should.
| 4 |
Put a bandage on before I self harm
|
A new method to stop self harm. I decided to buy bandages and fake blood so when I get the urges to cut I will put a bandage on and act like I cut. It’s been working well so far. Let me know if anyone has any other ideas on replacements to self harm.
| 29 |
Trying to stay clean
|
I just moved into university and it’s exciting and stuff but also my urges are getting to be really strong. I’ve been clean for 5 weeks now and I really don’t want to fuck it up. But also I’m really craving the feeling I get from cutting rn and idk what to do about it
| 4 |
Looks nice
| null | 55 |
I'm proud of myself, I didn't even notice how far I've gotten!
| null | 24 |
I messed up. I'm messed up.
|
At one point I hadn't SH'd in years. Then last year I started punching myself or banging my arm against the corner of a wall. Now I cut again sometimes. Like tonight.
I try to be careful and only cut the top layer of skin - I have plenty of scars already and don't want to add more.
The initial relief is gone. I just feel a dull ache inside my heart.
I don't know why I'm posting. I just needed to say something. Keeping it inside is poisoning me.
| 11 |
Attempt?
|
I did it again, this time I was trying to kill myself but the razor i used was too small so i ended up just fucking my wrist up. I kinda told a dude ( were fwb) i liked him and he just said “okay” yeah so now Idk I just feel shitty. I just want to be loved and have a relationship yk?
| 7 |
Modeling with Scars?
|
I know it may be a stretch, but is there any way or any agencies that accept models with self harm scars?
If anything, I would like to create a safe environment for models with scars. We need more awareness I feel like.
| 26 |
I'm going to actually start Trying to stop
|
I've been half assing it for my friend but I realized today that I do need to stop. I have a noticable injury on my arm that's hard to cover up. I'm going to stop and actually TRY.
| 7 |
Seeking advice
|
So I started self harming when I was younger. Spent a good many years trying so stop with limited success. As of right now I’ve been clean from self harm 4years 7 months and 6days. This is the longest I’ve made it clean. My last longest time was just over 4 years. But lately it has been especially hard to stay clean. I was diagnosed with scoliosis at a young age so I’m no stranger to some constant pain. But over 2 years ago I started having more constant pain. It is in my hands, knees, and feet and it’s just getting worse as time passes. I’ve been informed it’s probably Fibromyalgia which I know a bit about because of my area of study in college… but knowing what I know doesn’t change how I feel about being in constant pain that only grows more intense with time at a relatively young age. I have a wonderful therapist and an amazing partner who I talk to about stuff like this but it can be hard for someone who hasn’t actually struggled with an addiction like this to fully understand what it is like so I ways I feel alone in my struggle of trying to keep myself alive when I don’t want to.
| 9 |
I'm done
|
I hate my life my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't have any comforting words about her mother's ashes she got yesterday I just met this girl my roommate kicked me out because I didn't help him fix the hot water heater he's had it out four times seems I know just about as much as he does about fixing things and my other ex girlfriend kicked me out three weeks ago we were homeless me for a year her four months then we got an apartment she kicked me out one week and one day after we moved in I was working full time and paying my half I'd rather not be in a world that has all these assholes in it
| 6 |
I relapsed after 2years clean
|
Idk how to feel. I know Im going to want to do it again and now since my 2years streak is gone I dont really have much stopping me other then the scaring.. Should I tell my mom? Should i start going to therapy more? I dont know what to do
| 10 |
Is there a way to get a scab to heal faster?
|
It's existence is making me anxious and I know picking at it will make it worse but I really don't want to have to wear long sleeves because it's just so obvious and my mom might think something is up but maybe I'm just overthinking I don't know but is there a way to help a scab heal faster at all?
| 9 |
SH related thoughts...
|
I've been free for almost 4 months but I don't think I can keep it that way, I don't wanna di3 or something like that but idk, I've been doing some shitty things and I feel guilty, also last week was really overwhelming and I talked to some people that made me remember my childhood :(
| 1 |
6 months
| null | 48 |
how do I stop slapping/punching myself?
|
I have emotional intensity disorder otherwise known as bpd and whenever any minor change happens (missed appointment, missed class, cancelled plan) it set me off into a suicidal rage and I hurt myself intentionally to deal with it. I want to stop this because I am scared of doing something irreversible to myself, I have been doing this for far too long.
Today I was supposed to have an appointment with my psychiatrist over zoom, we always meet this way and he always sends me a link to the call. I last spoke to him on the 1st of September and he switched my ADHD medications from Adderall XR to Dexedrine XR, this switch has greatly impacted my quality of sleep. I've barely been able to sleep, I feel super anxious and over stimulated at night, I literally cleaned my room til 5am because I was awake and bored and then when I do try to sleep I get so much anxiety in my chest and throat, it feels like I'm going to suffocate or pass out.
I just got a new job and just started school last week so there have been a lot of adjustments since I last spoke to my psychiatrist. I was really looking forward to the appointment today to talk about switching the medication to an instant release because I feel that would help me more as I am having better levels of concentration and motivation with this medication, I just can't sleep.
I tried calling my psychiatrists office but of course the receptionist is only there Monday to Friday... but yet he has appointments on Saturday... Makes 0 sense to me. I emailed him to no avail so I called Mobile crisis, at this point I'm crying and very frustrated. Mobile crisis says they cannot reach him either so my only option is to go to the hospital and speak to the on call psychiatrist. I have literally been to the hospital in my city probably, not even exaggerating, 100 times since moving here last year, all for self harm and suicide attempts, so hearing that made me even more upset because I know they aren't gonna help with my medication because they haven't in the past. Mobile crisis called the police on me for a wellness check because I started to hurt myself and saying I want to die (which is also my go-to for when I am upset and can't figure out what to do) and I went up to the hospital in hopes to speak to a psychiatrist there because now I haven't slept in almost 48 hours now.....My psychiatrist ended up calling me after an hour in the waiting room, so I ended up going home and he is now faxing my prescription for the instant release so hopefully that will help but I'm still upset with myself...
I've been struggling with self harm since age 11, I am 23 now. I just want to stop this. I've given myself yet another black eye from punching and slapping myself in the face. I start a new job on Tuesday and I also have classes then, this shits embarrassing. I look like someone hit me and I don't want to explain if people ask... I need to stop this, I just don't know how. It seems pretty simple, just don't do it. But when I start to cry I literally feel like I am exploding, I don't even feel pain when I do it, it just hurts afterwards and leaves a reminder of what I did again. I do have a therapist but idk how you recover from this, we haven't done much work on self harm alone because there's so much else happening in my life but it all boils down to hurting myself... Is what I'm realizing now typing this.... It has literally been over half my life of this self hatred and abuse.
How do I make myself stop for real?
How does one resist the urge when they're in an emotional state of mind?
What are things I can do to prevent it from getting to that point?
I need help seriously before I do irreversible damage, like one wrong punch I might blind myself or worse... I don't want this to happen. I'm already having vision problems, I suspect from hitting myself and giving myself multiple concussions. I cannot keep doing this. Any advice is helpful. My head hurts and I'm so tired. I just want to wake up feeling like I can stop this and actually change...
| 13 |
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