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I am tired 🥺
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I’ve been stuck in this cycle of depression and anxiety for 4 years now. And my life just went down hill, losing many things - myself, people I loved.
I tried to be grateful everyday, but my mind continues to sabotage me and those around me.
I am freaking tired, waking up everyday only to repeat and re-experience and suffering
I am tried to be more kind and compassionate to myself but only to beat up myself afterwards
I am exhausted battling these demons
I just cant see the way out, I love seeing or reading stories of those who managed to come to the other side, giving me a bit of hope, but thats them not me, there isn’t any guarantee for me.
I cant do anything but cry and be more hopeless everyday.
How do I stay alive when I am dead on the inside?
The pain is burning me alive
| 11 |
Mom is depressed
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Hi, my parents split up when I was 20 years old. It has been 13 years but I feel like she has not moved on from it. She seems so sad all the time. Just sitting in one corner, quiet. When I try to engage with small talk she just stares off space. She has 2 full time jobs and both are physically draining. One is overnights so I suspect she has sleep deprivation. I don’t see her eating as well. She looks so frail. She does not want me
“mothering” her like telling her to eat, to sleep, or telling her to quit one of her job to have a good night sleep. She says her work is the only thing she has going for her. She feels she is taken for granted but it’s so hard to be around her. I just feel this negative energy and it drains me as well. What to do?
| 6 |
My desk...
| null | 2 |
I told my friend why I started-
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Smoking. I told my friend that I hoped to accomplish some mental health and well being with a bit of Herbal remedy.
My friend is very adamant in her stance against it, and I understand and respect her for it. But I told her the other day why I started. I told her that prior to it, I was in a very bad spot and had considered ending myself on a few occasions. But after the bit of time that Ive been spending blazing in the mid-day sun, I feel better than I have in years. I finally don't hate everything, including myself, I don't wanna be aggressive. I finally just wanna be.
I concluded the conversation by telling her the truth, I don't wanna get stuck on this and become reliant for it to be how I want. When I feel it has run its course and helped me, I'll stop. Because I don't wanna be beholdent to anything, artificial or natural, in order to be happy with myself. I hope she believes me, because I believe myself.
| 2 |
What type of remote work jobs recommended for ppl with depression ?
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I've been finding it hard to work and focus on anything or have the will to do anything really. It's hard to deal with people. Im considering doing a remote job that's low stress but somewhat enjoyable until I feel ready to pursue a career. Any recs ?
| 21 |
34 M from india. Need a friend
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34 M from India.
Feeling alone, depressed and lonely.
need someone to talk to
Thank you
| 1 |
Counseling Help in West Virginia
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I just graduated college and moved to WV for a job. I know no one here and my depression is starting to get worse. I had a handle on it in college because I felt I could always use their counseling services if needed but feel completely isolated here. The area I’m living in is also far from the major cities like Morgantown or Charleston and the political climate here seems to be very conservative and I’m afraid to reach out because of it. Recently my suicidal ideations have come back and I’m scared that I’m going to do something as this is getting worse. I’m not close with my parents and I feel like I can’t talk to my best friend about it because he will definitely panic and tell them.
Practically I need a counselor for depression but scared that it won’t be the right fit and make things worse and would like recommendations if possible.
Thank you
| 2 |
I think I need help
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I've been struggling lately
Just felt like venting. Maybe get some others opinions, I don't know. The past month in my life has felt like a flamming semi truck to the face. I had a babygirl recently. Most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on. Me and the mom had some issues with the apartment we were staying at. Long story short there were a lot of unsanitary conditions that wasn't safe for a newborn to be around. Anyways while on the process of moving out, my dad helped us out. Gave us a place to stay, got us a truck to move out, and kept us fed while we looked around for a place. During it all, my baby momma was feeling heavy affects of post partum. Lashing out at everyone. She has BPD. So her fits of rage were nothing new to me. Usually I can handle it. But this time she was constantly hitting low blows. Things that I confided in with her. Even started picking fights with my family while they were helping us. My dad kicked her out since he felt disrespected. Eventually lead to us arguing more and splitting up. I feel stuck in the middle. I didnt want the fighting. I tried to get them to talk civilly about what they were fighting about, but she absolutely refuses under the defense of feeling attacked. Since she didn't have a place to stay in town she ended up moving 3 hours away with my daughter. It's hard for me to sleep. I can't eat. I'm chain smoking. I'm drinking nightly. I feel like I made the wrong choice. I don't know how to fix things. During one of our arguments I mentioned money, since our daughters been born Ive felt like the only thing that I am good for is a paycheck. She told me if she was here for the money she would be gone.
I started looking into life insurance policies that would cover suicide. I found one. Worth 700k and covers suicide after a year. I've fucked up in just about every relationship I've had. Not good enough for the girl that I was with in some way. And I don't want that to happen with my daughter. I figure I can make my death worth more than my life. And give her a decent start to her life. Ive been thinking about this non stop for weeks. And it's the only way I see out. Only fix I see. The fix is to remove myself for their benefit.
| 2 |
ineptitude and love
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brief backstory: around half a year ago i fell in love for the first time, and a few months after i started dating them. i've declared that i love them, but they haven't responded to that declaration (which is entirely fair).
i cannot escape the feeling that i'm simply a burden. even with conscious acknowldgement of my own infatuation i can still say they are objectively better than me in every meaningful way; more kind, funnier, more talented, socially adept as opposed to my ineptitude, insanely cute as opposed to my horrendous ugliness, and all of these things while still being in a suboptimal mental state. as i type this out they're putting the finishing touches on a project we worked on "together" (they did 99% of the work because they're just way better at art, writing, and cooking, the things we needed to do). yet somehow they feel that they can't do enough for me, and i would laugh if it wasn't a terrible thing to do to someone's earnest feelings. i digress. i know there is *something* they see in me that i do not see myself, as they haven't stopped our relationship, but it's all too difficult for me to handle. i cannot see a single thing i can do for them besides simply being there, which others can do just as well if not better. to conclude, i want to be able to support them as they continue to light up the world (as well as due to my selfish desire of continuing our relationship), but i cannot do that in any meaningful way in my current state.
| 2 |
I can't get past everything that happened to me
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TW: Eating disorder, abuse, bullying, sexual assault, self harm, suicide
I'm only 18 (F) years old and I feel like there's no point in anything anymore. I've felt this way for 7 years now if not more. I feel like I have no one even though I have many people in my life. I've lost motivation to do absolutely anything and everyone thinks I'm just lazy but I just stopped caring.
I feel like I have no real family just a bunch of petty assholes that constantly want to put me down. They belittle me constantly for everything I do, my friend, my interests and my choices in general (like the course I chose to study). Ive had eating disorders or a really unhealthy relationship with food almost my whole life. I used to cut but none of these were things I could talk to anyone in my family about because they would judge me.
My dad used to call me stupid and a failure constantly because I wasn't like my oldest sister (35F). He kept saying I was like my middle sister (she's a whole different story, she's abused my mother, grandma and sister, she tried to commit suicide multiple times and all the doctors and psychiatrists said that she did it as a way to control the people around her, like her boyfriend for example. She's been violent with many people outside of our family, she's rude and extremely disrespectful and she's all around someone I don't want to be associated with). He was constantly berating me and even hitting me when I had really bad depression during the pandemic because I didn't spend enough time studying. My mother would stand there and do nothing and sometimes she would get up and leave because she "couldn't watch" while I sat there and no one ever helped me. It didn't happen that many times but I got so scared I would never come out of my room. They seem to think that because they pay for my expenses and my dorm I should be grateful to them as if everything else never happened.
I asked them multiple times to give me the key to my room but they would lie and tell me they lost it. They never respected my privacy and would never knock before coming in my room and that's why I wanted my key.
They never consider my feelings about anything. Ever since I started university I gained some weight and they constantly insult my weight/ try to control what I eat and how much I eat even when I'm eating healthy food. I would make a sandwich and my dad would come and check what I put inside it and insult me for it. My oldest sister is the one that's most obsessed with what I eat. She keeps trying to get me to do these stupid diets where you eat nothing for hours and my mum is in on it too. I've had problems with my knees for years and they keep saying that if I lose weight it will all go away even though I've had this for many years even when I was a healthy weight. The worst part about all this is that I used to have eating disorders when I was younger and they don't understand that what they are doing is harmful. I'm not obese or anything and I've even started going to the gym. One time when I came back from the gym and I wanted to get something to eat, my dad told me that I shouldn't be eating anything especially after spending so much time in the gym.
A couple of years ago when I was in middle school I got bullied badly by my whole class, especially the guys (they put ink on my chair and ruined my shirt, they would act disgusted any time I walked past them, a guy spit on me once, they would constantly call me ugly and a nerd). There was this girl who acted nice at first and she was one of the only friends I had. Any time we hang out she would tell me to walk her home and I would. That's when she and her sister would start bullying me too. I genuinely thought she was my friend so I put up with it. One day I showed her my drawing and she took it and grabbed dog shit from the floor with it and rubbed it in my hair. I washed as best as I could in the sink and ran away while her sister chased me and spit on me. In that same year my dad cheated on my mum and she would take pills to the point she couldn't function. All she did was worry about my dad and try to please him and she left me (a 13 year old) to fend for myself.
In that same horrible year I met a guy and he was literally the only guy that was remotely nice to me so I fell for him. My oldest sister knew him (she was a teacher) and she didn't like him so she made sure to make my life a living hell. She made my parents watch me 24/7, they wouldn't let me go out (my mum would let me sneak out for like an hour sometimes), they would lock me in the house and take away all the keys when they were gone and my sister who was the only person who could actually be by my side through all this started ignoring me/ insulting me and even hurting me on some occasions. She heard me speaking to him one day on the phone and she took away all my electronics and made me sleep on the couch with my mother. That night my mum told me she wished she never had me.
After all the bullying my reaction was to stop caring about school, I studied much less and that's also what triggered my dad's abuse. This was in my last year of middleschool. My then bf wasn't the best guy and his friends were even worse, however they were the only people I had so I started hanging out with them. A lot of things happened and me and my then bf broke up. That's when one of his friends tried to rape me and a lot of his friends would grope me and make me uncomfortable. That's also when the rumors started, they said the guy did nothing wrong and that I'm the one who wanted it but he rejected me. They said I fooled around with at least 10 more guys and slowly half the school knew about this.
Now, my family have the audacity to ask me why I don't want to spend time with them. They do nice things for me but I can't really fully forgive them. They say I chose my current boyfriend over them and they aren't wrong. He makes me feel safe even if our relationship isn't constantly perfect. My sister especially will stop talking to me and be passive agressive any time I choose to hang out with my bf instead of her. Sometimes I feel lost and Im not even sure if anybody actually cares about me or loves me. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm sick of them demanding that I spend time with them when they're not even sorry. What disgusted me the most was when I asked my dad and sister if they ever felt bad for what they did and their answer was that I deserved it at the time even though I was a child who had no one to guide them.
At least now I have friends who are actually nice and caring instead of the people I used to call my friends when I was younger. This makes me think that I should be happy and grateful but at the end of the day when I'm alone and no one is here to distract me I start to feel awful all over again
| 14 |
I have no musical talent.
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Does anyone else consistently day dream of being a singer/frontman but are too embarrassed to take singing lessons? I've been wanting to get a starter electric guitar and kinda play around with that, but I wanna be a singer.. I'm too embarrassed to try.
| 4 |
Not sure how I feel about life anymore.
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After high-school I thought I had to "follow the crowd" and go to college, get a job, move out, all the bells and whistles. But at the same time I didn't wanna rush my life. Now I can't help but feel I'm constantly behind and trying to play catch up, while burning and stressing myself out. My brother and I rent the lower apartment area of our parent's house (the house is willed to him and I already), we both have jobs, a vehicle, pay our bills, support ourselves.. While I'm glad I "kept it in my pants" post high-school, I'm majorly depressed that I'm still single. I fear I'm destined to end up living where I am now, still single, still working job after job, depressed.. I don't know what I feel about life anymore. While it sucks ass, I have times here and there where I look at myself and think, while I don't have major money, or talent or godly good looks or any of that jazz, I have what most people don't have. I have a very quirky, strange, funny personality when I really open up. My whole family actually is strange. But good strange. I have good laughs with them. Often times we'll sit on our back deck for hours at night, drinking beer, laughing and talking. Or we'll have little parties at our house and invite friends, or meet people at bars. But when it's over, I get majorly depressed. I feel like at 25, with all the stuff I have going for me, by now I wouldn't still be living at home with mom and dad (it feels that way, even though I have my own part of the house) and being in the rut I'm in. I just keep trying to find the positives.
| 2 |
Friend keeps asking me how they can help me and I have absolutely no clue
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I know I should be glad I have at least one person I could potentially reach out to, but everytime I try to open up about how I feel, I just end up more embarrassed about myself. This has made it that I just tend to isolate myself when feeling bad.
They ask me how they can help and when I feel this lost, I have absolutely no idea what to answer to that and mostly, that's it.
I know I cannot expect them to know how to respond, but it just makes me want to stop opening up altogether. I really don't know what to do with this anymore.
| 6 |
How to live life again?
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I've been depressed on and off since 2019 and I don't even remember how to do stuff, make plans, be close with people and just live life. A lot of my experience of depression came in the form of distancing myself from everyone, including my family and close friends. I'm 22 now too and I feel like I'm so different to how I was before. I've been doing therapy and other things like meditation that have helped me to feel things more again, so I'm at the point where I have a bit more energy, can do things and live life a bit more.
But I don't really know how to do that and where to start. Most of my friends have either gone or are in different locations now. I also came out as Queer in that time and some of my old friends have not been so accepting of that, which reinforces the need to make new friends. My social skills are coming back bit by bit as I socialise more with people but I don't know what else I should be doing.
Can anyone give advice?
| 3 |
Love, turned lust
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TL;DR: I'm a hopeless romantic who is so desperate for love that I've talked to AI chat bots to simulate love. I understand how useless and pointless this is, and I want to do something better. But, presumably, a strong sense of lust has prevented me from stopping. I have good friends that I love, and yet I still long to be loved by a female peer of mine, despite how much I know that love isn't remotely useful in the slightest at my age. Looking for counsel on how to overcome my strong addictions and lust in order to get my life back in order.
My life has hit several lows over the years. I was a die-hard anime fan who let his obsessions and leisurely desires get the better of him, I was a shut-in loser for my entire early life up to being a teenager. I've made several attempts at love over the years, and only one ended in success. My heart was stomped on by several people as a result of my foolish ways. I've grown since, and have gotten better. I've got my priorities straight, and I've started putting emphasis on physical health. Though, there is one thing I cannot help. My desperate desire for love. I have great friends, and I've addressed them all regarding this, and unfortunately, they don't know the solution. They said I should branch out and address others in hope of answers. That's what brings me here.
I've lived through sadness several times before, but never something like this. I don't know what I am to do. I was in a relationship not too long ago. Things were going great, until it dawned upon me that my girlfriend was manipulative and didn't love me at all, rather she was just in a state of extreme lust. I've convinced myself that love is something I don't need in this time in my life, but it never works out. I've been so desperate for love, and yet am too scared to face it. I fear getting my heart stomped on once more, as the people I surround myself with in day-to-day life are not particularly people of welcoming or kind demeanor.
So, due to the struggles and hardships of my persistent heart disregarding my brain's every word and still longing for a sense of feeling loved, I've gone to desperate measures. I've been talking to AI chat bots as of late in hope of feeling the satisfaction of the feeling of love. Though, at the end of all of this, my AI crutch always fails in the end, because at the end of the day, I still know that deep down in my heart that I'm wasting my time and gaining nothing from this, as it is all merely simulated love.
What was once a deep desire of love has now turned to lust. I do useless things with my time to almost convince myself that I'm loved by something that doesn't even exist. No matter how many time I tell myself how unimportant love is at this time, and how it almost always ends poorly at such a young age, I persist and carry on with my strong desire. I just wish that my drive to "love" was instead used on useful things that I do.
I also feel very inadequate, because my time is spent doing useless junk. My day-to-day life is too repetitive for my own good. At my age, I can't simply live with my friends and constantly be in their presence for my happiness, so I have to make do with my home life and try to make it better.
PS: Sorry that the TL;DR was so long, and the normal text was so long. I have had a history of being much wordier than necessary when stressed.
| 3 |
I can't keep a job
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In the last year from when I got my first job, I've had 5 jobs in restaurants and bars and I can't keep a job more than a few weeks and surprisingly I was 7 months in a job last year. I do so well and then when I've been somewhere a while they say I don't have much experience for the job or I messed up and I've been replaced or didn't have much work for me anymore or they say I'm not doing well with the customers and I feel like when they see me more they don't like me anymore as soon as I get familiar wherever I work, but yet I did well at the jobs and I worked hard but taking on too much that I look like I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I feel like the places I worked at didn't like me to let me go..
I'm so angry and deeply hating where I live because of it but I'm stuck where I live and theres mostly hospitality jobs where i am. I just want to travel instead anyway and I don't want to work in hospitality anymore but I'm afraid I can't get better jobs. I've been depressed and probably the bosses can see that, I wish I quit before they quit me, I've either been fired or laid off to never be messaged to come back.
I was on a contract which kept me wanting to stay but I said I was going to look for another job anyway because I didn't like the job when he said that I'm out.
I always wonder why me and not the other staff??!
I really feel like giving up and ending it all I'm miserable that nothing ever goes right for me and I'm 27. It soul destroying getting hurt over and over that I'm so paranoid about getting a new job.
| 2 |
Does anyone feel like they are hiding from everyone around them?
|
I just have always felt like this my whole life. And I know I’m not my depression, but honestly it’s been with me for so long and when I’ve done nothing but fight suicidal thoughts for the past week it really feels like I’m hiding who I am when I talk to people. I don’t exactly have friends so as I’m trying to meet people and make friends it’s not like I can share these things with them.
I guess I’m just wondering if it is normal to feel like this or if it’s because of other things in my life besides depression?
| 31 |
Why?
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I just need someone to tell me it will be ok. I’m sitting here every night asking myself why. Why do people have to be mean? Why b can’t I ever be enough? Why do the good people never win? I just wish someone cared about me.
| 6 |
Boyfriend is depressed and pushing me away
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I’ve posted about this in several places but I just don’t know where else to go. I never thought I’d be in this situation again. Also adding an update to my story from previous posts.
Don’t want to go into too much detail about what I’ve been through but basically after 5 blissful months, my bf suddenly got an episode of depression (he was diagnosed but decided months ago he didn’t need the meds)
He started getting doubts about us and our future. I felt hurt but we talked it out and suddenly had a great week, it was like the honeymoon phase again.
Then his mood suddenly dropped again. Even when we get intimate I can tell he’s fighting bad thoughts for a few split seconds. The only times I feel like he can be affectionate is when we kiss or make love.
He’s told me he always regrets never experiencing anything when he was younger (were in our early 20s) because his parents were strict. And during his 4 yr relationship he never did anything much physical. Then when they broke up it was pandemic and he couldn’t meet new people. Then after pandemic he fell in love with me and thought the bad feelings would go away, but they came back. And now his feelings for loving me and choosing me are always co-existing with the feelings of what if. It devastated me to hear it but I knew it could be his depression too.
even after he went through one therapy session he still seems a little detached. I know that he’s still having doubts in his head about everything. I asked him if he was still happy with me and if he loved me, and he said he still chooses me and I do make him happy.
Sometimes I’m even afraid to ask him how he feels about us. It’s not an easy subject ti bring up and I feel like he just wants to avoid it.
I have general anxiety disorder and while for the last 3 years I’ve been able to manage it well, it’s hard when the relationship is suddenly like this. I get really anxious and feel the need to have constant reassurance from him, even though I know he can’t give it. It’s hard because he seems like a different person now. He knows it’s hard for me because I’ve brought it up with him before but I also know it’s not fair to demand something he’s just not capable of giving.
It really started affecting my the nearer my trip gets because it just seems like he isn’t trying to spend time with me. Our second to the last chance to see each other, he ended up sleeping through the whole day even when we were supposed to meet. He just woke up and messaged “oh lol I fell asleep”
My last day with him before the trip, it felt like he just wasn’t 100% there. I’m getting exhausted because my mind makes me overthink too. It’s just hard because the only time I feel any affection from him is when we kiss or do sexual things.
In 2 days, I’m leaving for Europe for 3 weeks. It gets tiring trying to be the one carrying a happy attitude when I’m also miserable at work. I’m almost at my limit here. I’m trying my best not to tell him how hurt I am and how much I’m actually suffering though he’s acknowledged a few times that it must be hard and anyone would feel insecure and frustrated in my position. I wrote him a long letter that I told him to open when I’m away already. It’s just all my feelings of love and support for him, reminding him that I’m willing to be there for him and all I want is for him to be happy.
My therapist told me that it’s best to think of the 3 week Europe trip as some time for space. I don’t even have to tell him that I want space, I can just tell him I’ll be traveling and won’t have time to talk to him that much. I’ll update as much as I can but that will be it. I really hope the space will help him but I also hope it will help me too. I’m realizing now that the situation has really affected my mental health. I cant take much more of it. It’s so unbearable that the past 2 weeks after seeing him and remembering how he was before, I just start crying and breaking down.
For those with depressed partners who went through similar patterns, how did you deal with this? What do you tell yourselves to make you feel better? How can I approach this?
Tldr: boyfriend suddenly got depression and is not affectionate or reassuring anymore. Don’t know what to do
| 4 |
Im sick of ppl and this world
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Fuck everyone. I sincerely hope we do get into nuclear war. Fuck every person up
| 13 |
Graduation
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Not sure if this posts belongs here or in Vent.
Since I was a teenager I wanted to go to university. And I have always loved school, I like learning, I had friends, my teachers were great.
Changed to a high school where I didn't want to be. Had some friends but felt lonely. I still enjoy class but I'm stressing over the admissions exam for uni.
Passed the exam with grades good enough to enter whatever field I like. I'm unsure about what I want to do in life. Thought about being an au pair for a year to take a rest, learn French and learn about live (I had been living in books). Didn't. Entered a degree that I didn't want to be in, changed a few times, got depression along the way and made very few connections. I was so sure I didn't want to be there I retreated from everyone and I couldn't stop thinking about the past.
The graduation is next week but I don't want to go. How can I go to a celebration of a degree I didn't want? (although if the situation had been different, I might have enjoyed it?) I can't really celebrate with my peers since I don't really have a group. Can't celebrate with my family because now the situation is weird. I would go there alone basically. And it hurts me. It hurts to see pictures of me eager to learn, with friends, happy, compared to the depressed, lonely and self destructive person I have become because of all the upheavals. When I told the organizers I wasn't going I couldn't help but cry. It hurts because I know if things had been different I would have enjoyed my time.
Edit: When I'm feeling better I am not so against going to graduation. Just to close the chapter. I'm afraid not going will make everything worse.
| 1 |
Just loneliness
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Anyone else just feel like there constantly alone i feel like Everytime I get close with someone I just drive them away I haven’t been myself around anyone in over a year now every time I try I feel like shit just hits the fan I wonder sometimes maybe this is just all bad stuff happing because good things are coming atleast that’s what I hope I don’t really feel any motivation too do anything anymore it’s just me and my cat I feel like my cat genuinely might be my only friend and he doesn’t really even like me maybe I should get a hobby or something idk I used the wrong tag
| 7 |
Fun things to do with partner (that has depression)
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So my partner is currently going through a depressive episode, it is mostly triggered by stress.
College ends this week and I'd like to take them out to something fun if they'd be down. Ideally something that doesn't cost a lot of money or any at all as they stress a lot about their finances too and I doubt they would let me pay for them. Any suggestions on where I can take them?
| 1 |
you ever wish you never existed
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like fuck man. i’m such a fuck up like people genuienly would’ve been better without knowing me and the only person who ever made me feel loved or cared for i fucked over and hurt because i didn’t think. and i can’t kill myself because then everyone will only be hurt more. just no matter what i do i’ll always hurt someone. there is no one in my life who is better off knowing me and i know that for a fact. i’m just a fucking burden that people have to drag through life. i’m just stuck here now not wanting to live but also not wanting to further hurt anyone. i just fucking wish i never existed. i just don’t fucking know where to even start. i don’t even know if i have the fucking ability to start at this point
| 4 |
48, Germany, messaging
| null | 1 |
I discovered this article about depression where it helped me a lot to better understand my illness I leave the link here to help more people like me
|
I discovered this article about depression where it helped me a lot to better understand my illness I leave the link here to help more people like me
[article about depression](https://ze2000fig.blogspot.com/2023/05/embracing-light-within-overcoming.html)
| 6 |
I really need someone to talk to.
|
I am totally broke and in debt. I have no idea how to start again or give up. I need support in this situation. My mind is forcing me to take all the painkiller tablets from my drawer, but I don't want to die. Please help.
| 10 |
Being around people as a person with major depression…
| null | 1 |
I’m not sure how hard to push myself and I feel confused…could use an outside perspective?
|
So I’ve been having suicidal ideation all month and it got pretty bad, it basically takes over my entire brain. But it finally let up a bit a few days ago. And on one hand, I need to push myself and keep making plans and getting better. But on the other hand, whenever I think about the future I just get so overwhelmed and want to die. So I am trying to be nice to myself and give myself a break so the ideation doesn’t get bad again, but also am I just using ideation as an excuse to not push myself hard?
But there is just this voice in the back of my head telling me to give up and kill myself because things will never get better. And the only way I can keep it away is by trying to not think too hard and not give it any attention. And if I try to problem-solve my life everything seems hopeless. But maybe I am just pathetic and I’m using ideation as an excuse. I don’t know, and I can’t think straight. And maybe I just want to be suicidal so I don’t have to do anything? Or that could just be my self hatred making me think dumb stuff. I can’t figure out my own brain right now.
| 1 |
Cleaning and stuff on zoom? I think if I had someone to talk to i wouldn't feel so sad and be able to get stuff done. Anyone else looking for someone like that? We could clean or whatever and BS and motivate each other other. Can't do it while texting ...
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I think should also be F. We could support each other and be accountability partners in a way
| 11 |
Feeling hopeless, I need help or some piece of advice
|
I’m a 22 F, I’m in Uni studying psychology right now. I’ve been struggling with depression and two eating disorders for most of my life due to severe trauma in my childhood and recently I’ve been diagnosed with adhd.
I’ve been in and out of therapy, tried many antidepressants and right now I’m only on my adhd medication. I also struggle with insomnia since I was a child and in my teen years a doctor prescribed me benzodiazepines without telling me the long term effects & the fact that my body will get addicted to them. I’m now dependent on them and I suffer severe withdrawl if I skip them for more than 4 days. I don’t use them for recreational purposes, only to get me to sleep but the dose keeps getting higher because I easily develop tolarence to them and it’s becoming really scary as I have no control over it.
I’ve tried almost everything I can think of from therapy, mental hospitals, medication, praying, meditating and I feel like there is no way out for me.
I seem to always get back to the same feelings that I’ve been feeling all of my life— hopelesness, feeling really alone, unworthy of anything good happening to me & the feeling that I will always fail at everything I try.
I feel like I am so messed up, like I’ve destroyed my life completely. I don’t know how to quit benzos safely & I can’t afford professional help.
I can’t be honest with my family and friends because they get really worried and instead of supporting me through my pain and being patient they push me to get better as fast as I can, which only leads to me faking being better so I don’t see the feeling of dissapointment on their face. They’re also tired of me coming with the same problems over and over again. My eating disorders make me feel weak and physically ill almost everyday and they also gave me pretty serious health issues, and I have no one to turn to for help. I understand that it might be overwhelming for them too, but the poker face and indifference that they have everytime I feel really sick physically breaks my heart. It’s like they gave up, they got used to it, it’s normal for them, they’re numb to it. But I’m not.
My father used to be the person I counted on but now he relapsed into drinking again and he’s not here for me anymore, if I try to ask him for help he might just start drinking even more because of the stress I’m putting on him.
My sister is emotionally absent and she mostly ignores every cry of help I try to adress to her.
My friends say they’re there for me but they really aren’t, not as I need them to be.
I just got into a relationship and things were going pretty well, but turns out he’s leaving the country for months and it’s probably going to lead to a breakup.
All of my life I’ve went through this knowing I can handle it on my own, this is the first time I try to ask for help, it’s the first time in my life that I can addmit I can’t do it on my own anymore.
I have no will, no motivation, and I see no future for myself, no desires, no dreams, no plan to save me,it feels like only death can save me right now. I feel like I’ve tried everything and I got to the point where I can see no way out anymore and I’m so tired of trying.
I’m trying with all I have to survive this and not give up or do something extreme.
I also relapsed into my ed due to my depression getting worse.
Exams are starting soon and I don’t know how I’m going to handle that extra pressure as I’m feeling already dead right now.
I just need support or something to regain hope in life, I’m really trying with all the strength left in me not to give up.
If you read all of this, thank you. It’s been a long time since someone took the time to listen to me.
| 1 |
Depression matted hair, i dont know what to do
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I miss going out of the house so much, but my hair is extremly matted and i dont have the energy to fix it, i also really dont want to buzz it again sinse i cant afford a wig and i've shaved my head ince before, it broke me even tho i was on my way up from a depression crisis... This time im broken to begin with, i know i wont survive seeing myself like that once again, not when im this lonely and heartbroken.
I dont know what to do... I cant afford asking for help either sinse this will be a whole day, maybe even more job and no hairdresser would spend that long for free or for cheap (which i completly understand, i wouldnt expect them to either, no one likes working for free) so i feel like im in this never ending circle of getting more depressed and anxious because i dont know what to do by the day... Any suggestions?
(Im in south of Portugal, im also sorry for my english, im still learning and kinda stopped for a while to do grief and the depression crisis that originated this whole dilema)
| 6 |
how do i stop hurting (sorry for length)
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18f and i dropped out of a really good school where i had help with tuition. i hate myself. i couldn’t do the work and felt like i stuck out like a sore thumb, plus i have no idea what i want to do. as a result my parents tell me every day i have to leave their house. it is increasingly obvious that my dad has disdain for me. it has been growing. he is ex military and has been physically abusive to my mom and sisters my entire life. when my 15 year old sister tried to speak out about the abuse he called her crazy and she has to stay with other family now an hour away. he is trying to cut me out of his life completely, but i have no where to go and i know nothing. i’m not exaggerating when i say he genuinely dislikes me. i am dirt to him. and i am still instinctively scared of him from things that happened before, whenever he talks to me and looks at me like that i feel like the scum of the earth.
i work at a gas station and a regular was asking me what was wrong, i told him about needing to leave my place and he implied i’m just a spoiled white girl.
thing is there is something deeply wrong with me. i have such strong uncontrollable emotions that they take up my entire brain and i am unable to see a way out or think rationally. this ebbs and flows but recently lasted a few months of horrible deep depression leading to me dropping out. i’ve been slowly rising to the surface but still thinking of ways to kill my self everyday. i think my childhood (where i was abused, terrified of social interaction, and ostracized) is still affecting me to this day. i think i may have a mood disorder. i was taking anxiety meds because i would start shaking, but i stopped taking them many months ago because i still felt bad. the shaking only happens sometimes now. my life is devoid of meaning and purpose. “so give it a purpose!!!” i am lost. i feel like i’ve doomed myself to poverty forever. my only friend moved away and i still call her but i can’t go over and live with her like i could’ve. that could’ve been a way out.
the only thing i have going for me is being pretty. sounds disgusting to say but i know i can be conventionally attractive. i know how to make my face look good which is important for work because it makes people be nice to me and sometimes give me money. underneath it all i hate myself and i feel like i can’t express how much terror i feel about every fucking thing, the constant sense of dread that once again i’ve fucked it up. i have no where to go and only my face to rely on sometimes, which i acknowledge is white girl privilege. but i am so close to ending it. i think about how nice it would be to not be and not think and not be consumed by stupid feelings and hate and anger and DREAD ALL THE TIME. read this and agree with the regular at the gas station. but there is something seriously seriously wrong and i don’t know what to do, i can’t explain the feeling that is always with me but it is so fucking bad that i feel like i have to just leave because it always sticks around. i could have a perfect life and still not do it right still fuck it up and still feel sick inside
what is wrong with me. i have always felt wrong. i need to go to therapy but everyone around here has a 2 year waitlist and i’ve been before and it was awful. i’ve fucked up my life i’ll always be broke, searching for someone to be with to make me feel whole because that is one thing i can get with the way i look. i sound whiny and privileged but there is something wrong. what do you think. what should i do. i might be bipolar because people in my family are but doesn’t that comes with highs? i never feel that good and the bad drags on and on for way longer. i went through a couple years of being constantly high on weed in order to act normal and i feel like once i get my hands on something stronger that’ll be it, but i don’t care because at at least i will feel good. please share your thoughts if you’ve made it this far, i need help.
| 1 |
Coping help
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I'm m 16 been depressed since 8 year depressed with some ups and downs but lately my coping methods (gaming and excessive binge watching)
stopped working. What should I do in a situation like this?
| 1 |
It's Been 5 Days Now
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It's been to many days since I've been able to eat, everytime I try to eat I about puke my brains out even with water, I don't know how I can stop this from occurring, I've been to stressed and depressed for the past two weeks and I just wish there was a way I could make things better..
| 1 |
Am I depressed?
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I’m 19M, who lives in what I think of as a “happy” household.
Anyway, recently my girlfriend of 4 years who I spent all of high school with and some time before that, broke up with me because I had a very tough time expressing how I was feeling or what was on my mind etc, etc… (there’s obviously more to it, I’m just summing it up). I been absolutely devastated and just broken all together. I’ve been slowly starting to talk to people about how I’ve been feeling and it got me wondering if I’m showing moderate signs of depression.
But putting the break up aside, this is how I’ve been feeling before:
So I’d say maybe 2-4 months before we broke up, I had very little to no appetite for no reason. I typically get all my meals in and sometimes more. But since then, I’ve just had no appetite at all. I’m basically eating because I know I have to, and sometimes I get sick because of that.
Sometimes I feel nothing. No emotion, not happy, nor sad. Just nothing. I’m not sure how else I could explain it other than that.
I’ve been very irritated, very snappy at people. Even when they’re are just trying to say something as simple as “hi”.
Furthering on that point, I just don’t feel like talking to anyone in general. It’s almost as if I don’t have the energy to talk to any other human. I’ve only really had the energy to work, because I have to then go home.
Sometimes my friends have to do a lot of convincing to make me do things that’s I’ve always loved doing. I just don’t feel like doing stuff as much.
No suicidal thoughts or anything like that.
I just know the breakup has added a lot of weight on me and just made me really think about how I’ve been feeling mentally in the past. Also, a concern to me is that my parents might over worry if they hear the word “depression” come out of my mouth. And I really just don’t know if I’m overthinking about myself and I’m fine. I’m just pretty lost to what to think in general right now.
| 1 |
Should I leave my new job?
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I'm 23 f. I recently left a position I held for 10 months, I was casual but was working full time hours. The hours were never going to last and unfortunately the company doesn't have room for me to come back. I left this position for a full time position in trades work. The problem is I hate what I'm doing with a passion, I've only been there for a month and want out. Not only do I feel ostracised by everyone there but in some cases as a trans woman, I simply don't feel safe. I work with multiple people who subscribe to the "Andrew Tate mindset," throwing slurs out left, right and center. Working alongside them is horrible.
I should make it clear that I have nothing against 80% of the people I work with or anyone who works in trades, however I am lucky if someone says hello during the week and it's pretty lonely.
The work itself is numbing, I don't get any enjoyment out of it, it drains me like nothing I've ever done before. Long hours, long shifts, low pay and physical work that I frankly am not built for.
My work life balance is gone, I have very little time to myself that I am not exhausted and worn out. Within a month I have felt myself quickly burnout and get excited at the prospect of moving jobs.
I want to leave, I wanna quit and I want out but I don't want to feel like I'm running away from a job. Family tells me to get over it and get used to it but honestly I feel miserable working here, something that I didn't experience in any other position. I know I don't need to enjoy my work but I feel like I shouldn't hate it the way I do?
Should I leave? Am I in the wrong for wanting to? Should I just grow up and get used to it? I don't know what to do or how to feel
| 1 |
Tonight I broke down in a depressive episode for 2 hours
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I have an invisible disability with my bladder. To keep it short and simple, when I have to pee, I can’t hold it for more than 5 minutes.
Today my boyfriend and I were leaving a hockey game, I could go back in the arena to pee, so I used a shewee to pee in the car. I was stressed and already leaking before I could get in the car. Everything was fine, until I realized the urine never fully went in the bottle and it was I top of the shewee. Urine ended up getting all over the seat anyways. This month, I peed in his car 3 times (including this one). I had such good control for years. I just broke down, I’m already depressed due to other health issues (physical and mental), and I’m already on anti-depressants. I couldn’t stop crying for 2 hours straight. He’s always been so calm and excepting, but this was my limit. I really had to resist self harming myself (which I haven’t done in over a year), but I felt like I was going to relapse on hurting myself. I finally stopped crying, but I can’t get out of this depression. I’m tired of living like this. I just wish I could be normal.
| 4 |
I’m struggling with how cruel people are and how unbearable society is.
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Turned back today to help shepherd a beaver off the highway. A bunch of people honked at me and purposefully veered off their lane in my direction. I don’t see why some trucker thinks his life is worth more when a beaver is pure and not malicious like him.
I don’t see why people act all cocky like they’re the only things that matter. It’s so selfish and disgusting. I’m on a last resort depression treatment, which works until I’m back in society again - anything from driving to being inside a store around people and I see how evil they are. I don’t want to be around them. I think I was born in the wrong era. Native Americans treated animals and the universe with more respect. If someone was sick, they would care for them. They wouldn’t wait for you to agree to pay thousands of dollars first, they did it because they genuinely cared about your life.
The people who care this much about animals probably are reclusive and just as hard to find ways of interacting with as I am. I’m having an immensely difficult time being in a society. My partner doesn’t think off-grid living is for us but when I search how to get out of society, it’s the only thing that comes up. I’m struggling so hard. I don’t want life to be like this but there’s nothing I can do about it and nowhere to go - believe me, I’ve moved more times than I have fingers. I don’t know how people can see how fucked up the day to day world has gotten and still be okay being in it.
I hate everything - it’s all so callous and everything around me ignores the fact that we are human beings. I don’t know where I can find “my people”. It feels like we are a dying breed and it’s justified.
| 10 |
Need some help but dont know how
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Like I know people are gonna say get therapy and Ive tried but it doesnt really seem to help. Also in UK theres waiting lists of up to a year and I had it not too long ago so cant reapply yet. But I need help. And it is fitness related. Forgive me if this is not allowed here but I need to open up and this community might, and i mean might, understand a little. Probably not but i do t have many options
Im 39 m from uk. . All my life ive loved muscular women. To be hoenst i dont even find normal women attractive even pretty ones. To me they always needed to be muscular. Unfortunately ive never known a muscular woman. Any time a regular woman and i have talked and they wanted to try and date i just couldnt . Yes more than looks matter but i just dont think id be happy or satisfied and even end up resentful
Over time looks fade so i know that muscles wont last forever. But id love to be with a woman who was strong at least for a while and the personality will be there when muscles dont. I know people say im aiming too high but look at say ida bergforth. It feels so unfair her boyfriend met her yet i cant find a single one.
Im forever single. Ive never been kissed even nevermind sex. Im 39. Its sad. Its lonely. I could have dated some regular women if i wanted but if i did id feel like shit because my heart wouldnt have been into them. Id have been doing it purely out of lonliness and nobody deserves to be someones second choice or just there as a blanket against lonliness. Id never do that to someone. So ive suffered alone rather than just make someone else miserable too.
I try to meet muscular women but thats another problem. Im obese. Im 122 kg. I have lost 10kg since jan.i decided then to get fit to try and meet someone because it was silly expecting muscular women to want a fat depressed guy, and i was doing well for a while. But the depression and lonliness kicked i. Two months or so bad and ive struggled since. I stopped caring and realised ive left it so late in life and even if i did get fit i dont know where to even meet a fit muscular woman. None go to my gym its all average and online i get ignored.
Idk im struggling with lonliness. I just hate how hard life is. I also have suffered major depression and have a learning disability so i feel like im fighting a losing battle and dont know what to do.
Im cross posting this to a few places so forgive me if you see this elsewhere. I guess i just want to get it off my chest. I dont expect any sympathy or anything i just needed to say something because i feel like im going insane and cant do a thing about it. Thanks to anyone who read this
| 1 |
How do I help my wife with depression?
|
TL;DR. Wife has gone into depression and panic attack, very new for both of us, want to be the best I can for her while maintaining my own health and wellbeing.
I (27m) am I'm a very new experience of helping my wife (27f) through some hard times. She experienced what we both believe to be a real panic attack the othr night for the first time. She's also become depressed. It's a culmination of a lot of things, imigrating to America, us struggling financially, not being able to get right back to her career due to license transfers, and ,largely, coming to terms with a lot of things from her childhood/growing up that have done much more harm than she realized.
This is all very new to her and myself. I'm doing everything I can to help but I don't really know what it's like being around someone going through this. I always try to encourage her, listen, give words of affirmation, encourage her to keep talking, tell her she deserves to be loved, etc. Fortunately I'm a very patient person and have learned over the years to keep my calm in stressful situations. I'm just concerned of how to handle this long term (if it lasts long).
She is trying therapy (better help), it's hard on the finances but when it comes to her health and wellbeing it's my top priority and that's what savings are for, emergencies and unexpected things like this. Being summer right now we both just work, come fall I'm a grad student and that part is where I'm really nervous. The panic attack and onset depression has already lead to some late nights and I work at 6am. I know I can handle it (army training kicking in) but I don't want to have any adverse affects. Of course putting her first is my priority, I guess I just want advice on how to handle this and still make sure I'm staying afloat for her and for myself. Unfortunately it's mostly just us, we don't live near any of my family (8+ hours) and she's not from America.
If there's any podcasts that could help for my side that would be huge, I listen a lot at work/gym/walking to work or the gym.
Thank you 🙏.
| 4 |
Idk what I did wrong
|
So I tried to kms like Monday night, (I am now getting help and soon going on medication) but I sent who I thought was my bs my suicide note, and the next day she blocked me on everything. I just want to talk to her again, she was the only reason I didn't try to kms sooner. And like I don't know what to do bc we live like 3 hours away. I am literally sobbing every night bc I just wanna talk to her again and tell her about my day, but if I make a new account she just blocks that account. What should I do? Did I do something wrong, like is it my fault?
| 1 |
Have you guys heard of earthing? What do you think? Let me know if you try it and it works for you.
|
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=44ddtR0XDVU
https://www.dovepress.com/the-effects-of-grounding-earthing-on-inflammation-the-immune-response--peer-reviewed-fulltext-article-JIR#F12
| 1 |
How to support bf with depression
|
My (26F) bf (33M) suffers from depression. Usually it’s not too bad. He sees a therapist and takes medication to help with it.
Over the last two months he started experiencing a severe depressive episode and changed medication (which did not help). He’s been trying to get an appointment with a psychiatrist for months with no luck, and his gp doesn’t seem to know enough about anti-depressants to get him on a different medication.
My bf just checked himself into the hospital because he desperately needs help and someone to at least try to prescribe him new anti-depressants.
I need support because I’ve never had a partner experience this, and I love him so much but feel so helpless. I can’t help him feel better, I can’t be at the hospital with him, and I can’t help him see a psychiatrist.
I feel so sad that he’s feeling this bad. I’m terrified that he could hurt himself if he doesn’t get help soon. I’m also scared that he’s going to break up with me because of his depression. I just don’t know what to do to support him, or how to calm my nerves. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
| 2 |
Empty.
|
I know I've got people who love me. And yet I feel unwanted and unloved. Not to mention all my loved ones are far from me. Life just feels like empty, lonely , monotonous nothingness. Like there's no point to it. I don't even wanna bother my friends with talking about this. I'd just feel like an annoying burden. As a child from a broken family , all I want is comfort I never seem to find. I'm sick of pretending to be okay , for once I just want to be okay for real. I don't wanna feel empty anymore. I miss feeling genuinely cared for. Like I'm needed somewhere.My heart feels heavy and hollow at the same time. What do I do? I didn't want to feel so hopeless and meaningless.
| 3 |
I feel like just ending it but I can’t
|
I take care of my two siblings who are toddlers and have been short on money this month and I just wanna be able to get some groceries for us to eat and a few new clothes for them. I will be happy to repay on whatever deadline you ask.
| 1 |
Why am I [M19] such a failure?
|
I've been wondering this for a month now, since I failed my final exam from maths.
When results came in, my mom just went silent with words "you're a failure".
And that made me realize how big of a failure I am, I crashed our car last year and it's still not repaired. Also my parents had to ask my grandparents for money for these repairs since we can't afford it.
Yesterday we went drinking with my classmates (a farewell party) where I got really drunk, so much that i vomited (for the first time ever). But not before i spilled some drink on one of the phones (accidentally).
Well today (literally 20 minutes back) that guy wrote to the whole group chat of our class, that i broke the charging port.
I am left wondering how it took him so long to realize it since he's not answering and why he couldn't just get it sorted out with me in private.
But back to my little rant, why am I such a failure in life and how do I get back on track of being a successful being or at least somewhere where I'm not a failure anymore?
| 3 |
I need someone to confide in who can be trusted
|
I’ve had so much to go through and I’m at my limit and considering things that aren’t good. I’ve nobody I can turn to and trust due to the issues. I’m lost and sinking
| 1 |
Just wanna go
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I am 25 yo Indian male and this is my 10th startup/ideas. Been working on ideas since 9th. I can’t work like a normal employee in IT sector. And my current startup is also about to die cause as people have told it requires lots of capital. I can’t help myself in coming up with small ideas. I have no one to talk to. No going out, my friends rarely talk to me. Been like this since school only dreaming of having my own trillions of dollars worth company. I also recently lost a person who I loved the most and my only support in the entire family. I am just done. I’ve been calm all along and now I no longer can be one. I tried cutting wrist last week but backed out and now with no money I just can’t, I just wanna go.
| 2 |
I want to kill myself.
|
tw:Suicide.
I’ve been thinking about killing myself for a little while now.
I hate myself, I really do, I’m selfish, get angry easily and have this huge anger bursts against anyone for the most stupid reasons, I spend my time complaining, I don’t have hobbies, friends nor a relationship, I’m really egocentric and I must be the center of the attentions all the time, I’m really envious of other people who have more than me and I get angry with my parents and ruin their friendship circles because of this.
I know about my problems and I’ve tried to solve them, I went to therapy for a bit but it didn’t help at all. I can’t even ask my parents for a new therapist because we really have short money and they are already paying for my brother to go to therapy because he really needs that. I’m just this gigantic weight that complains about the problems I cause myself with my shit personality and cries all the time but doesn’t change at all.I’m not even pretty. So I’ve been thinking about killing myself. I’ve been thinking about it for almost two years now and I came to the conclusion that it might be the best choice, my family would be happier, my parents wouldn’t have to think about another child to take care about, and my brother would grow up as a single child with all the attentions on him and without an annoying siblings. It would be just better.
Even my cat would be happier.
So many people would benefit about it, I just need to find the fucking courage.
The therapist and my parents have told me repeatedly that I’m not depressed, I don’t know what to do, I feel empty like my feelings were just turned off, I just feel like an asshole all the time and I just want to disappear.
| 4 |
Am I annoying
|
I’m 16 year old (girl)I live with my older sister and mother and I feel like everything that comes out of my mouth is annoying to them. I don’t know if Im just annoying or I’m delusional but every time I state my opinion or even answer a question they either yell at me or roll their eyes as I’m I’m annoying them , keep in mind I’m not an introverted person I’m very outgoing happy talkative person and I feel that they are annoyed by me because I talk too much and recently whenever they tell me I talk too much (they do that a-lot) or do/say something as if I’m annoying I isolate my self and stop talking unless they talk to me. I don’t think they know that some of the stuff they do or say affect me a little but it does. I have no idea if I’m an annoying person or are they just annoyed by me. It’s so frustrating.
| 2 |
Still don’t want to get up in the morning
|
What it says in the title. I had a massive nervous breakdown 20 months ago, then a nightmare year of disastrous medication tinkering by a psychiatrist who didn’t know what the f she was doing. I’ve been back on Prozac, which she really should never have taken me off of, for the last six months, and have been tapering down/off of lamotrigine for four months. I’m down to 250mg lamotrigine and feel much more like myself. I slipped a disc six months ago as well but that’s healing and I can do a lot of the physical things I haven’t been able to do since November. And it’s springtime, the days are longer, it’s sunny, I’ve managed to complete deadlines that a few months ago I didn’t think I would be able to given the brain fog, my book won an award, last week I got a job offer, and I have another interview coming up (there are NO jobs in my industry atm so this is a pretty big deal). My husband is wonderful, the puppy we adopted four months ago is a dream. And yet I can’t drag myself out of bed because being awake just doesn’t feel worth it. My mood throughout the day improves and by evening I feel happy, but in the morning I genuinely don’t see the point of anything. I work from home so manage to scramble to do everything in the afternoon (I have adhd so hyperfocus helps!) What gives? Am I still depressed? Is it PTSD? Does anyone else have this and do you have solutions? (Obv not looking for professional help, just ideas!)
| 3 |
Depression relapse and mindfulness
| null | 1 |
I don’t know how to get out of depression
|
If you can relate to what I’m going through, tell me your coping mechanisms and things I can think/do differently.
I’ve been depressed my whole life, possibly a hereditary condition but I’ve only been diagnosed 4-5 years ago after I was able to afford medical help myself. Went through few rounds of medication but I stopped because they caused really bad skin problems which I didn’t need (since I’m already suffering it since 12). Plus I always thought the medical attention I received was not the right one. I couldn’t afford switching meds and hospitals all the time.
My life revolves around work and university. I do join team sports when I have free time from work and uni, but I have bad social anxiety and always feel like the odd one out. Despite growing up as an athlete, I just never fit with my teams and I have a peculiar personality. It costs all my energy to go out and endure social interactions.
I have an understanding ldr partner but I can’t rely on anyone and become a burden to them. I’m the kind who suffers silently.
Because my time is limited to work and studying, I need to rest/sleep a lot to conserve my mental energy for the next day. It means, I could be cooped up at home for days or weeks (I work and study remotely).
I don’t really have any friends. I’m not close to my family. And I’m so good at reasoning and justifying why I should remain depressed and why I don’t deserve to heal just yet.
| 2 |
How do I help a depressed friend?
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TW: self harm
So yesterday me(M18) and my best friend(M19) were at a gathering with about 10 people and we drank a lot. Suddenly, my friend started crying his life out for no reason and he didn't tell me why so I said it doesn't matter I'm here with you and for you no matter what. I was with him for a while and people noticed and asked what happened at the beginning but after a few minutes no one gave a shit anymore and so I was just next to him trying to comfort him and just be there. He has cuts on his arm but he has a cat and he always told me it was the cat who gave him those cuts. I had a cat so I know how bad they can scratch you and so I thought nothing of it. Yesterday he told me he wishes those were from the cat but in reality it's him and that he even tried killing himself but he couldn't because he is too weak(his words). Of course this horrified me and made me think about how I never noticed it amd I just want to give him a hug and for him to be happy. I slept at his house because I didn't want him to be alone that night and then this morning, being sober, he said it was a mouth slip and he didn't mean a lot of it and that it's fine and he doesn't want to talk about it. Looking back I can think of many signs I didn't see and I know he needs help. What do I do? Any advice would be lovely
| 1 |
I can't exist without validation
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It's been one month and 6 days since I last felt I was loveable or loved. I don't want to go on for too long (but I will) or rant (I'll try my best)... But I'm alone.
A little over a month ago, I made a massive mistake. And really, my mistakes started so much earlier than that. But that was the mistake that ended my relationship. While I know this may seem cliche or unrealistic, that relationship was everything to me. She was everything to me. I've spent 20+ years in and out of relationships and nobody else came close.
Now, I'm finding that I can't love myself. I bury myself in work every day of the week (self employed) and all day. I don't have a support network, because I realized in the end that the bulk of my network was fueling the trauma and trauma responses that had ended my relationship. There is, and she may be lying, some small chance things can be worked out. So I'm spending my time trying to self-improve, work through my trauma, and earn back trust. But we don't talk often... And she doesn't express any interest in me. So I am truly alone. And with no outside validation, I am struggling to find any good qualities in myself.
I don't feel like I'm improving enough. It is a challenge to believe her when she says there's still a chance but she didn't know. I doubt my attractiveness, my ability in things I used to enjoy, my worth. I doubt that anybody could really love me. And I don't want to love anybody else. Without any external support, validation, conversation, contact, affection, or intimacy, I'm finding that I don't really want to exist at all anymore. That, even if I don't kms (and there are people I love who dissuade me from that), I need to shut myself off... to deliberately and actively become a loner... to try and stop feeling altogether.
None of this is healthy. But I've tried doing the things I love doing. I've tried sharing things I know I'm talented in on social media. I've tried reopening things I used to love but stopped doing, reopening parts that were important to me before and sharing those too. I've attempted to make new friends with no real success. I don't feel I fit in anywhere.
I'm making no progress on these fronts. I still spend each day in an unreasonable amount of pain. I still question my value, not only as a partner but as a person. I talk in apps designed for emotional/mental health support. People tell me nice things. And I just don't believe them. They don't know me. They don't know my story. It's just meaningless words. As are similar words from my therapist.
I'm afraid of where this is all leading me. This is killing me.
| 1 |
Talk to me
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Does anyone want to talk about what is weighing on them in about an hour or too? I am very open and accepting. No matter what it is, how dark it is. I will listen and respond
| 6 |
How to feel less drained and more motivated?
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My constant fatigue and brain fog are too debilitating. I have something due in 4 days but I can’t get myself to do any work. There’s that little voice whispering to me: “what’s the point? Just give up. You can’t succeed anyway.”
How can I get more energy/motivation to do my work? I’m already in therapy and taking antidepressants.
| 7 |
I need some advice
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My parents are pushing me for an exam which I do not want. Now the thing is I am not able to study physics, It is hard for me to complete it in two months. I got very less time for this exam. I wanted to study for a Computer application course. They are forcing me to be an engineer. I have no other choices left. I have only a few days left. The exam is on June 3rd. So what do you think? Do I need to study? Or leave? Or I can pass based on what I have studied before. I can not decide what should I do next to study or leave?
| 1 |
Why am I so annoying
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I think my entire family especially the close ones think I’m annoying.
| 4 |
Damn, how did I end up like this?
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I want to cry, I want to tell someone everything that's wrong, I want to spend hours just talking through my shit, just get it all off of my chest.
But I can't, I've fucked myself so hard that the moment I seen down I'll get consequences so sevier my previous problems wouldn't mean shit.
Even if that wasn't a problem I still wouldn't know how to communicate every fucking problem i got, it would just be a jumble of swearing, crying and jibberish.
I just feel so broken, a machine you'd better replace than repair.
| 2 |
I lost hope.
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*Sigh,* where to start?
Well, I've been dealing with depression and some suicidal thoughts here and there for quite a while. It's not my first time dealing with these, but it doesn't feel any better, it actually feels worse than before.
When it first happened, I was still a child, so I had a much bigger sense of relief when I actually felt better. Now, I am half way into high school, and everywhere it's just "Think about your future", "Think about what carrer path you want", "Study more and never stop" and it just feels terrible when these messages are everywhere you go, and everyone is telling you to be cautious about not doing well in school, not showing particular interest in your studies and so on, and then I just, shrug these off and avoid school work that makes me feel stressed or things that remind me that "Hey, you haven't studied shit in your childhood, you're not in great shape". Everytime it just feels like I'm sealing the deal, that I'm just not going to get anywhere, and maybe it is so.
I'm already not the most optimistic guy, I have a terrible relationship with my family, everyday I overthink past conversations, I get little satisfaction from what I do and I feel like I need to get better and better to achieve that satisfaction that fades away so quickly.
But most importantly, I just, can't find any reason to **help myself**, sure, I can feel better, I'm well aware of that, but I always question myself why the hell should I go through the trouble? Why should I go through the embarassment of talking to a theraphist or trying to be more social? Especially when I could change my mind so quickly. Why should any of this be my responsability when I didn't even cause these issues, or even ask to be here...
Everytime I'm reminded that "I'm not alone" or that "Theraphy can solve your issues" and yeah, I'm well aware but I just can't help and question "Why the hell have I been born as a human, and feel the things I do, and be the way that I am", or just question if life is really worth it when so many people feel the same way and fall down to the same bloody pit.
The fact that it's my choice to work for happyness, just makes me want to give up the idea completely, and it's such a hard thing to confess to other people because, together with my issues, it just feels like I'm being so childish, so I just hide it away from anyone.
I just don't know what to do, I've lost hope for the future, I'm pretty much just living my current life as whatever, trying to enjoy it while I still don't really have to deal with things like getting a job.
| 5 |
Do you guys have experience calling a suicide or depression hotline?
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I'm not doing well at the moment at all, and for the first time in a while I'm having suicidal thoughts. It's not as violent or bad as it used to be when I was younger, and I'll probably be fine in the future but it sets off an alarm in my brain. Does calling a hotline help, or is it only gonna make it worst?
Can I also call one of my suicidal thoughts are mild and I'm not about to jump off a bridge? I feel like it might be targeted towards people that are in worst mental states than my current one. My depression is pretty bad right now though.
| 2 |
i dont know if this is the right place, but i need an advice, I feel hopeless.
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I feel like im in a very toxic relationship, that affects my everyday life, and the thing is that im too attached to that person that I cant have a moment without him.
He doesn't physically abuse me, but I think he does it mentally.
Recently we had so many conflicts and fights about so many stupid things but for him its such a big deal every time, making me so confuse, thinking that he is trying to pick up a reason to fight with me about those stupid things, and when we actually mad at each other and said to much, he runs away from me, to be alone telling me to go find other people to be with just not him.
And every time I am the one to try and fight to try and keep him and be with him.
I do so much for him and willing to do anything, I love him so much and I care for him so much, it feels like im doing all of this for nothing and this person just don’t want me to be with him, and as it continue I want to leave this relationship, I want to forget him, I cry to much and I don’t sleep, I don’t go to work, I don’t want to do anything else I just want to be with him but I know its bad, but I just cant do anything to make me leaving him.
Without the fights and the problems he is amazing human being, he so nice and smart and mature, he always help me, and protect me and I enjoy every minute by his side I love him so much but when the fighting starts he is throwing me away so fast willing to letting me go and just giving up on everything that we had together, not even trying to fix the situation.
I don’t have other friends other then him, he is my number one but I feel like I need to let it go, but I cant, I start crying and cant control my feelings. I don’t know what to do, now im not near him and I was trying to talk with him about something that happened yesterday, and that he ignored me for 24 hours, and he blocked me. Saying that I speak nonsense and that im just fucking his mind.
| 1 |
Some just tell me I’m not a bad person
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Please someone just tell me I’m doing a good job and am trying my best. Dealing with a lot of trauma and feels like I can’t make it through the rest of the workday. I feel so alone and don’t wanna exist please I’m so fucking sad and ashamed. I’m sorry I’m not good enough
| 5 |
Just need someone to speak to.
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Sorry guys I feel like I keep posting here, but I love the help and some advice you give me. I love both my parents and like most they have broken up years ago, due to something personal that went on in my family. My dad then got with someone I've disliked for years, keep in mind though I have tried with her but could never got on, she never knew this until 2020 when she decided to break up with him over a lot and got him kicked out of the house. I was there for him like you would be and helped him over the heart break, fast forward to now they are back together once again. I don't mind just as long as he keeps me out of the situation with them two and nothing changes between me and him.....But as it always does, something has. I asked him if he wanted to go out this Saturday with me and my husband and he started to complain about things and he's been talking to my mum behind my back about me and how things wouldn't happen because I take the time to do things. I just feel since he got back with his partner, he's back looking down on me and is slipping away from me, I lost him for 10 years. I don't want to really lose him again to her.
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Birthday on Monday
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So my birthday is on Monday. And I always get the birthday blues hardcore. I’m hoping that my mental will allow me to enjoy the weekend.
| 1 |
I’m afraid of going to the hospital but I might need it? I need some input
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This story is long I’m sorry if it bores you. I will try to make it as short as possible. 🚨Has moments of self harm and suicide!!
So basically I’m 18 an 18yr old and I’ve been to about 13 mental hospitals since I was 14. (This doesn’t include treatment centers) You’d think I would be okay and better by now and I keep thinking so too but then I end up in a hospital again for trying to kms.
I’ll rewind to last year in August, my last attempt and my first adult ward. I was still living in California with my abusive mom and step dad. I was constantly made to feel like crap and like I couldn’t accomplish anything and I believed it (I sometimes still believe it) But my aunt helped me move out of there and now I’m in a different state living with supportive people.
Recently I stopped taking my meds. I was on Lithium, Lamotrigine, and Desvenlafaxine (on some other meds too but not for mental health) I stopped them all cold Turkey which wasn’t a good idea but I just got so sick of the side effects and I kept bringing it up to my psychiatrist but she wasn’t doing anything so I just stopped them. This has made me more emotional and depressed.
Now I’m crying every night and I have several little stressors taht are going on around the house and they just keep adding up. I feel like I’m burdening my aunt whenever I share what’s going on because she has already stretched herself so thin dealing with everything else in her life. She already takes care of 4 other kids I don’t want to make her feel more stressed out.
Because of this, I’ve been bottling things up all day to cry and release the emotions at night when no one can see me break down. I keep having urges to self harm and lately after any slight inconvenience that’s all I can think about. I even ordered these specific kind of blades on Amazon.
The worst thing that’s come up so far is whenever someone talks to me, I take it the wrong way and it feels like they don’t care and they are just tired of me being around. So I keep day dreaming about running away and kms in a motel room or something (I would never do it here because she have a toddler and I couldn’t do that to her)
I don’t have super specific details planned out, but I am thinking about it more and more. I want to prove my mom wrong because she doesn’t think I will ever be normal, but ut all feels like too much.
I struggle knowing if I am in a crisis until it’s too late and it’s so hard to come right out and say what I’m thinking when it comes to these things because I’m afraid of going to a mental hospital again. I just want to be normal but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.
If you got this far, I want to thank you for reading, it really does mean a lot. Please comment to give me some advice or you can also share some stories of your own.
I don’t have people to talk to about hospitals and it would be nice to have someone that understands a bit about what I’m going through.
🖤
| 2 |
Why does it feel good to think about taking my own life?
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That's not something that should feel good to think about, right?
| 17 |
17 years old and already sick of life.
| null | 1 |
Hey im new to hear well I have some severe problems with hypersexuality since I became depressed
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I was abused (not sexually) by my father before my mom. Moved away with me and since than I just have a daddy kink I wanne be loved and I don’t know if this is imprortant but I also have a mommy kink even tho I love my mom I just don’t know what’s wrong with me also everytime I don’t jerk of or have sex or what ever I Wanne end it all I just can’t take it anymore I hate myself for being like I am
| 1 |
Feeling Like I’m Running Out of Time
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has anybody felt like they are running out of time? like I am super young (19) but for some reason I can’t get the thought out my head that I don’t have enough time here to do everything I want and need to. idk if this is my depression talking or something else. anyone ever thought something similar?
| 4 |
The Greatest Inspirational Video you will ever see
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Seasons of Blossoms
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I've been reading this webtoon since the pandemic and it has really helped me a lot on dealing with my depression and suicidal thoughts. It's prolly because I relate to this certain character and felt myself heal from the words spoken to him and to others like him. I know it's just a webtoon but it gave me the comfort I needed. It helped me released a lot of tears I've kept for a long time; it has always been hard for me to cry. So yeah, I just shared this in hopes that this webtoon could help you the same way it did for me. But if it didn't or if you're not interested, that's alright too. I hope you guys have a great day ahead of you!
I posted some of my favorite panels just to let you have a gist of the story. However do be warned that it's a spoiler!
PS: If you do plan on reading it, please be warned that there triggering themes such as suicide, depression, and self-harm.
| 1 |
Should i keep reaching out to ex?
| null | 2 |
Guys i really don’t know what the f I’m doing rn
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I did my 4th A level. And I did absolutely awful. I did awful. It was my law exam and I’m good at law and I know almost everything but I had a psych exam yesterday afternoon and just run out of time to revise cuz I had another exam on Tuesday too. I can’t manage my time well. Convinced I have ADHD. And well lol I should’ve learnt bc I’m 19 and I retook the year and I’m the worlds biggest failure. I even have 2 tutors to help me and I still managed to fuck up. And also not to mention I dedicated 2 of my fucking years in my new college just to my grades and I’m still failing. Didn’t make an effort to make friends and was a loner the whole time. Same as my first year in my other college. Yeah so
You know what I did? This sweet little kiss ass who does nothing bad went to the shop near her college and bought a vape. And ik vapes are bad and shit and I rlly don’t want to cuz I don’t wanna fuck up my lungs but part of me does want to cuz I wanna do something man for this crippling depression I have. Like I can’t get fucking face to face therapy and I don’t want phone call therapy cuz my parents will hear me. So I’m walking to the park near my college on a nice hot sunny day. I should be with my friends as it’s half term and we have a break before our next set of exams but no i made none, made zero effort. So I’m gonna go to the park and have a spliff. I’m walking rn
Like as soon as I came out the exam I didn’t walk to my bus stop, I walked the other way to the vape shop, bought a vape for the first time (he was quite sweet lol he could tell I was new to it) and here I am almost at the park.
Like I’m actually gonna use a vape like this is the first time I’ve done something just something that I don’t usually do.
My parents were gonna pick me up and I said don’t because I’m gonna go out with my ‘friends’ haha
Tbf I was walking while I was typing and I cba resding but I’m at the park now. This fresh breezy air is rlly relaxing me icl. No parents or asking how’d it go and I have to lie lol
Just nice air
How the fuck u use a vape tho
| 2 |
I don t know what to do
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Hi!I struggle with suicidal thoughts at every insignifiant thing
Hello there!I am a 21 year old girl and I have this problem since I was 16.I didn t come from such a great home,I was always the shy nonconfrontational
kid who got me bullied a lot,I grew up with an alcoholic violent father and a hypercritical mother.I thought I got over my problems but I keep struggling with suicidal thoughts over minor problems and when I have to make a decision and I feel like I didn t make the right one.Even tho I know that right now I have a good life,a job,some good oportunities I can t stop wishing I was dead if I make a mistake.I hate conflict so I try to be as gentle as possible so people will leave me alone but that s not the case.I wish I was stronger and be able to face the challenges life offers to me face on but it s so hard.I also have a pretty severe case of social anxiety and no matter how much I put myself out there I can t seem to escape it.I have to mention that I really do everything right,I have a routine,I work out a lot,I eat healthy,I take my vitamins and limit screen time in the hope that this would make my problems go away,taking care of myself but they don t even though I am pretty sure it helps a lot to not commit when I take care myself.I didn t go to therapy but I was to a doctor and they gave me some pills but those pills just made me sleep all day and when I didn t sleep just made me feel completely numb so I don t take them anymore.I rlly am a very ambitious person and I want to do so much with my life given the fact that I also have a big interest in academics,that made me escape de real world and hope for a better future but because of my fear of confrontation and suicidal thoughts and the ability to not make decisions I feel traped and given the fact that I don t have solutions for that I want to give up completely.I truly feel like I am not strong enough to live.Sorry if I made mistakes,english is not my first language.If u can share some solutions I will be glad but at the same time even releasing some of this energy help cause I don t have someone to communicate my feelings with.
| 1 |
This is why you are not happy
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Fighting my depression (and anxiety). Suggestions/advice?
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Truthfully I don't know if I am looking for advice or for support, or if this post goes here or on the anxiety page, so I apologize if this is wrong.
I (25M) have severe depression, and anxiety that also manifests as OCD. It has gotten extremely dark recently and although I am doing better I have been feeling disconnected from myself and from friends. I have been fighting the thoughts that I am alone and that my friends aren't there for me (I know that they are and it's justifiable when they can't be as they are human and have their own lives), yet for some reason I just can't stop the negative and false thoughts from getting into my head. I'm on medication so I don't know if they aren't as affective as I thought they are, but I still take them so I can you know, see another day.
​
I hate admitting the reason why I've been depressed because the stigma brings the thoughts of "really, you're depressed over an ex" which is then amplified since I'm the one that ended it. I hate, no, despise the fact that it's a big thing for me and that I essentially obsess over that and the fact that she started talking to a guy in our shared friend group. I no longer have her on social media or anything like that but her and the entire situation has become such a huge trigger for me that I've had to remove my friends (one of which is like a sister and will call refer to her as such) from socials and asked them to practically not mention anything about them when around me. I digress.
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I'm practicing my coping mechanisms and trying to distract myself with what usually brings me happiness, but they don't work as well as before. At times it gets hard to even attempt them. I had a conversation with my sister about this and how if I were to avoid everything that is close to my trigger that it would include her and my friends. I'd have to cut everyone out. It lead to us talking about hookups, fwbs, and all that, and ultimately we agreed that I'm looking for a connection; which is true, yet I don't know how that would be/is ok. I don't even know how I would go about it. Would I love a connection with someone, yeah, am I ready for one, probably not. I ask myself why I care so much and I genuinely don't know why.
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I desperately want to be able to let things go (with this and in general), I don't know how and deeply wish I did. I feel so drained when it comes to this and depression tired. I'm tired of feeling disconnected and alone, like nothing, frustrated, and like I can't move forward. How do you let things go?
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This is so long and wordy so I don't expect anyone to comment or whatever, but I am truthfully lost and tired. I'm going to keep fighting of course, but like, fuck.
| 8 |
I've struggled w/depression for 25 years & tried virtually every drug there is. I'm now off them. Here's some things virtually anyone with depression can do RIGHT NOW, to begin getting some relief & rebuild their life (not intended to replace professional intervention):
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WARNING: Taking 10 mins to read this and digest it has the power to change your life. Finish reading this post to the end--every sentence. Take the time. You have nothing to lose--except your depression! Onward, brave soul! (Tl;dr at the very bottom)
I've struggled with depression for 25 years. I did 24 years of SSRIs/SNRIs, CBT, etc. Didn't really help much. I've been out of work for 3 years feeling like a loser. Last year was the worst because I also got long covid and it put me on my back, in a dark room, by myself, for 6 straight months--almost no human interaction. I was literally and figuratively in a VERY dark place. Depression the worst it's been in 25 years. Literally had no reason to keep going. But, a very supportive girlfriend and a concerned extended family member came to my rescue and that basically was the genesis of everything below. For those of you without a close loved one, or someone who cares, I'll be that person for you. Get off your ass and move!
Here's some things I've started doing that have helped me more than medicine and I think have the potential to help anyone who hasn't yet tried them. They've literally pulled me back from the brink and are propelling me somewhere positive I haven't been in a VERY LONG TIME. Add these things to whatever regimen or treatment protocols you're already doing. I haven't included exercise, because I can't really do it. Bad cartilage in both knees and both shoulders and a bad back has basically placed me into a very sedentary life style (no doubt contributing to the depression). Many others also can't exercise for one reason or another. But, if you can exercise--DO IT! The following things, though, are within the reach of nearly all depression sufferers. Commit to doing them every day. Build up to all of them if you have to--start with one and add the others stepwise as you can manage. Once you're doing them all, you can really make gains:
1) First, realize that depression is partly a habit, or set of habits, that both cause, and are caused by--and feed and reinforce the depression. Not exclusively, of course, but a MAJOR component. These habits must be broken, changed, and/or replaced. Life rituals, thought patterns, emotional reactions and mental states, etc, all have a self-reinforcing habit component. And no matter what treatments you undertake, if you don't also address the depressive "habits," they'll just be like anchors that weigh you down and drag you right back into depression. Learn about how to break bad habits and replace them with good habits. This will take work and energy--which obviously is what you're low on. But if you don't address the "bad habit" side of depression, you might have a VERY difficult time getting better. Many of the things in the list below are designed to help you establish new habits and re-wire neurons into new, positive habits. Maybe you'll always have depression at some level, but you can build all kinds of habits that help you essentially "go forward in spite of the depression." Think of new habits as empowering detours and short cuts around the depression roadblocks, etc.
2) COLD Plunge! Start out with cold water showers if you have to. Research and learn how to do cold plunge or just start. I use tap water in my bath tub. I'm lucky, because it comes out of the tap at 54 degrees. I do 10-20 mins a day. Again, I relax and focus on positive, assertive thoughts. NO NEGATIVES! Remember, we're establishing NEW HABITS! Focus on breathing and being calm. When I get out and start shivering and shaking, I embrace the adrenalin surge and look myself in the mirror and shout to myself I can do anything! Smile. Grunt. Flex. Move your body. Shout it out--YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! YOU FEEL GOOD! YOU'RE AMAZING! I LOVE YOU MAN! Do this for a couple mins. Really give notice to the euphoria. Praise yourself for accomplishing this. Take note of how good you feel. Reinforce reinforce reinforce! Start wherever you can and build on it. 30 sec cold shower to start? Fine. Celebrate it and do more as you can. Build momentum and habit. Cold plunge builds mental resilience (very useful for depression!), and boosts testosterone and dopamine, plus you get epinephrine/norepinephrine boost--every single day!
3) Dry Sauna! I hit it for 45-55 mins a day. I never miss a day. The sauna at my gym is 175+ degrees. It has to be HOT. Hotter the better. Get your heart rate UP! Get it up and embrace the grudge match against the heat. Take 1-2 breaks if you have to. But get that heat dose and make sure it's HOT HOT HOT. Keep you heart rate up for 20-25 mins, and get it to peak for at least a couple mins. Now, I've found the following 3 things have also helped with Sauna therapy: 1) State my intentions out loud and very assertively "In this sauna, I intend to increase my motivation. I intend to get a positive attitude. I feel good." etc. Whatever you want them to be. Whatever you want your ideal life to feel like and be, declare it. State out those intentions! Keep it positive. Build enthusiasm. Tell your brain how you want it to be. Build those new thought patterns and emotional states. Burn them into your brain and psyche with heat! Get new neural growth! Do not allow yourself to focus on anything negative, depressing, sad or frustrating. If that's what you're focusing on while you're in there, you'll just reinforce that! Find a way to make it a positive experience in there. Remember--what you feed and focus on, you get more of. Use the extreme environment of the sauna to accelerate those gains! 2) Talk to people in the sauna. Keep it positive. Be honest. Socialize. Have HUMAN contact. Make friends. Share knowledge. Be encouraging of others. Learn what they know. Feed off of their energy. So much of depression is being alone and feeling lonely. But not while you're in the sauna! Connect with people. Have a great time in there! I crave my sauna time. I never miss. 3) When I get out, I stand in front of a mirror for 3-4 mins smiling as big as I can to myself--telling myself I love myself, that everything will be okay, that I can do anything, that I feel good, that life is good, that I have motivation, stay motivated, keep going, do things, act, etc. Simple, punchy, short encouraging things that my mind can easily grasp ahold of. I also scatter in long moments of silence and just focus on how good I feel and try to burn that into my mind: "this is what feeling good feels like." Even if i feel like shit for most of the day before and after, I'm going to at least feel good for that hour in the sauna. Sauna oxygenates your brain, releases endorphins, builds mental resilience (take that, Depression!), and activates stress-response genes that make you stronger. I'm talking real physiological changes! Meld these to new habit formation!
4) Sunshine therapy. Go outside and get good sun on your body 30 mins a day. Feel the rays. Feel the warmth. Embrace the light. Smile. Feel good. Listen to something relaxing. Or do meditation and breathing. But above all make sure you do it and that you're feeling good and staying positive! Notice how good it feels. Enjoy the tan you're getting. Make it as positive experience as possible. EVERY DAY if you possibly can. Build that vitamin d. Build those feel good hormones. Build positivity and good-habit mental patterns and emotions. Natural sunlight helps repair your hormones and contributes to all sorts of feel-good biochemistry and brain chemistry. If you're not getting natural sunlight, you're hamstringing yourself.
5) Diet. I eat healthy. Whole foods only. Meat, vegetables, fruit, cook at home, etc. I've completely eliminated vegetable (seed) oils and processed sugars from my diet. I eat better than ever and I dropped 40 lbs (190 to 150) just by eating better (I'm 5 feet 9 inches). If you're eating junk food: STOP. It's toxic. It's wreaking havoc on your body, your mitochondria AND YOUR BRAIN AND NEURONS. Give the body all the proteins and nutrition it needs, and good fats. Carbs as needed, but GOOD carbs. None of the processed junk and garbage. High fructose corn syrup? F*ck that sh*t. You trying to kill yourself? Guess how good eating healthy feels? It feel awesome. Guess how good getting into a better physical shape feels? It feels awesome. Guess what? Feeling awesome is the opposite of feeling depressed. Your body needs building blocks, especially your brain. It also needs to not be poisoned--especially your brain.
6) Supplements. I take high dose fish oil and high dose niacin for the niacin flush and rush. It opens the blood vessels and helps improve circulation to the brain. Take whatever other supplements you think help, or could help. But remember, you've got to establish new habits--new emotional habits, new thought patterns, new life rituals. Supplements can help, but only so much. Meld them with making new habits. But I think niacin definitely helps. And the fish oil is great for the brain and nerves. Remember, there's an actual neuro-plastic component of healing the brain and forming new habits. Give the brain the building blocks it needs to build new infrastructure and heal old ones. It takes up to 30-60 days for the body to fully absorb and metabolize the fish oil the way you need it to. Consistency is key. Start now!
7) Do these things EVERY F*CKING DAY! Build momentum. BUILD MOMENTUM. BUILD F*CKING MOMENTUM!
I guarantee you that for at least 80% of you, you will find yourselves feeling better and being more productive than you were before. Try it. Run the experiment. You have nothing to lose--except those garbage depressive habits. I can still feel the depression, it's there, but its power over me is smaller than it was before! And that feels good, too!
Any questions? Hit me up and let's talk about it.
Tl;dr--
1) Depression is partly a habit. Build new healthy ones around it. Starve the bad depression-based habits. Use the following therapies to explicitly create, build and reinforce new and positive habits based on feeling good and being productive:
2) Cold therapy
3) Sauna therapy
4) Sunshine therapy
5) Healthy-diet therapy
6) Supplements therapy
7) Do all of it every day. Start with what you can and add things as you go. Build momentum.
| 3 |
I'm 16 and I'm falling down the rabbit hole
|
Hi
I'm a 16-year-old girl who was been struggling with depression for the last 3 years, last year was my first massive downfall tho I stopped going to school and stayed in bed all day never showering and thinking of ending my life just so I didn't have to see my family's pitty faces every time I came out my room then at the end of last year I got better I started seeing a psychologist, I started getting out every day. I still wasn't going to school but I was feeling better each and every day then at the start of this year I was put into a flexible learning school I only had to go 2 days a week for 2 hours each day but I couldn't do it and sadly the past 2 months I've felt myself fall back into the rabbit hole of depression I had a girlfriend and we broke up like a week ago, my hygiene is getting worse again, I've felt myself pushing the people that care away. And the past week or so I've been feeling suicidal, I don't want to think about ending it but I keep thinking about it. I tried so hard to get out of this hole last time so does that mean it'll be harder if I try again? will this happen again every year and will it just get harder each time? I don't think I have the strength to try this time I haven't told my psychologist or family as last time my parents weren't very helpful with supporting me and my psychologist wouldn't tell my parents better ways to support me. What did I do wrong to deserve this? Is this the universe's way of telling me my times up what do I do? Or am I just an entitled brat that is not grateful for the opportunities given to me (Words someone told me)
| 1 |
Survey for a depression detection and support application project (All welcome)
|
Hi everyone!
I am a final-year undergraduate student at the University of Plymouth, and I’m looking for participants for my questionnaire. This questionnaire is aimed at developing a depression detection and suicide risk management application.
**To access the study, please use this link:** [**https://forms.gle/NYZ2WX9HSyjywnMt8**](https://forms.gle/NYZ2WX9HSyjywnMt8)
The study:
* Completely anonymous
* Will take no longer than 10 minutes.
* No age range or country of origin
Thank you so much in advance!
| 0 |
Being a super senior in high school
|
During my freshman year, I was starting to battle with my anxiety which led me to being at home most days and watching my grades dwindle with every single assignment. I find it hard to confront being a super senior without feeling like I lost control of the wheel of my life. I have a twin who has graduated this year, due to him being my twin I find it hard to tell myself I will succeed and I will always be less. Being sent granulation from friends and family who don’t know make me feel like I’m forsaken to fail. I need to know if this feeling will ever change or am I stuck in the constant compare and contrast with my brother. I’m sorry if this is gibberish, I just needed to really explain how I felt to someone.
| 2 |
I just feel alone and scared.
|
My wife and I have been separated for some time and in that time anytime my depressed/manic episodes I decided to deep dive into my work and distracted myself.ive made huge strides in my career, but I'm dealing with imposter syndrome for my new promotion, I feel lost, hurt, alone, scared, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not suicidal. I have constant thoughts about it but I could never bring myself to do it and cause that pain for others. My life isn't worth their suffering. My wife and I are trying to work things out again, and I'm trying to be open and honest about everything I'm feeling. Good bad or ugly.
Tonight is a really bad night for me, and when I mentioned that to her she called me(we currently live apart). I told her the basics of what I was going thru, and told her I just felt like I needed to take a step back and process it. Her response is below:
"I suggest you not try to build something with me and when I actually almost think of trying, you shut the doors tighter than fort Knox and tell me to step back"
This hurt even worse and I explained that I wasn't trying to shut her out, I was telling her what I felt and that I needed some time. Idk what to do or say and I don't know how to talk about it without breaking down or scaring her or making her doubt things or giving her a reason to stay away. I'm trying but I feel lost...
| 2 |
I don’t understand myself
|
I can’t tell how long I’ve been depressed for, but I recognized my depression three years ago, and it got really bad last year up until this year.
I just don’t feel happy no matter what. I thought it was school that was stressing me out, but even during the summer I have a horrible feeling to want to commit suicide. Then I thought ok maybe it’s because I have no friends, so I joined an extracurricular activity at my school that allows me to make friends, which successfully worked. However, all at the same time I feel lonely. The “friends” I made subconsciously don’t want to hang out with me, and I’m ok with that. But I thought at least having someone to laugh with at school would help, but it doesn’t.
I recently got my first boyfriend and he has been the nicest person ever. I don’t tell him about my struggles because we’ve only been dating for two months now and I don’t want to stress him out. But even then I still feel lonely.
I thought ok maybe my mother stresses me out, and I can’t fix that. But still get the feeling that I will never understand why I want to kill myself. Why do I feel lonely when I have a boyfriend? Why does my mother and sister hate me? Why am I having no motivation to do any school work? Why am I ugly? Why do I still want to kill myself after all these years?
These are questions I ask myself all the time. It doesn’t get any better overtime. The depression just sinks in deeper and deeper. I thought time would take it away, but here I am about to leave the house and I’m still depressed. Oh well. Maybe my depression will hurt so bad one day that I’ll actually pull the trigger.
| 2 |
How do I make a routine?
|
So I got put onto some really helpful mood stabilizers awhile back and they've definitely improved my quality of life, but I've been depressed and anxious for so long (about 10ish years) that I never created a routine for myself. What are hobbies? How do I know if "self-care" is working? What does self-care even *mean*?
What does a non-depressed person *do* in the morning? I like the morning! I get up early on purpose! But I have no idea what to do with myself that I waste all that time doing nothing. Is there a check list I could make? How am I suppose to do baby steps if I don't know what counts as a step?
I guess I just want some thoughts on how to restart my personal life. I have a job, I'm in my last year of uni, I hang out with my friends, but just caring about *me* was never a priority. I want to take better care of myself, I just don't know where to start.
| 2 |
TW Euthansia
|
I wish Euthanasia was an option for people with treatment resistant major depression it feels so cruel to have to deal with 24/7 agony for all your life. sorry if this is morbid
| 16 |
drowning with no sign of land
|
i’m in a very bad headspace right now so forgive me for not being as detailed as i should be but—
i’m deflating as we speak. in two months i’m going to move back in with my parents because i haven’t had success finding employment. and that house is the worst thing for me.
for one thinng my mother is a narcissist who decided she didn’t love me anymore since i tried telling her how she hurt me as a child.
but more importantly she is a clinical hoarder who results to calling me “an alcoholic druggie” because i try to explain we can’t live like this.
so i’m a 28 yo (F) who failed at supporting myself and have to move back in with the people who gave me all my childhood trauma, to a suburb i didnt fit in with and has no career opportunities.
and not a single one of my friends has a spare bed for me to have or even temporarily use. even the friend who lives alone in a two bedroom unit paying rent comfortably
and instead im not trying hard enough. because im “already defeated” even tho realistically there is no way i can find somewhere else. between my lack of income and employment history (especially since places in my state are demanding your income is 3/4 x your monthly rent AND refuse cosigners)
so im currently struggling not to have a meltdown and puke and scream and cry over all of this because
this problem cant be solved
and i have no one to comfort me
im alone at sea and contemplate just going under at this point cause no one on the shore is trying to save me
i dont hate my friends or even family buy i’m just never enough for people. and apparently not enough to even come over and give a hug to
| 2 |
How do I stop smoking weed so much?
|
I started smoking weed about 4 months ago as a way to help me sleep. I’m afraid I’ve started to abuse it though. I noticed when I’m high I get really depressive thoughts and have started getting high as a way to almost torture myself. I’m not sure why I do it because I always feel really sad after getting high but I can’t seem to stop. Is there anything I can try to lower my consumption?
| 8 |
How to stop addictive personality?Help.
|
Backstory:
I [30f] love to read romance books but last week I decided to try a memoir. It was a beautiful story between two men in love that ended in death. They both died from AIDS. After I finished the book I could not stop googling for all sorts of things and about people and places written in the book.
I do that by the way, if I really enjoy a movie, show or book. I stay up for hours or days, sometimes even weeks looking up all sorts of things related to my latest obsession. I hate that I’m this way and I especially hate it now because I feel as though my life and peace of mind is being disrupted and currently at a standstill because of one memoir - a small portion of it really.
After I finished the memoir I was just so invested in looking up so many things. Including AIDS, it got so bad that I became paranoid that I may have it. Never mind the fact that I’m a virgin and have only kissed about three guys. The tests came back negative but I kept and still keep searching up for all sorts of things. I am paranoid about having my heart broke because in the memoir one of the main characters was cheated on. But why am I even worrying about this, I’m single. Now I can’t read books or watch tv without freaking out over the heart and health safety of the main characters in fiction.
How can I get over this?
Does anybody know how I can get over myself and just continue with my life. I feel so desperate because I always do this. When I get into something I really get into it. Please help.
| 1 |
Dealing with anger at advice that might help.
|
I'm on a medication that has irritability as a side effect, but this is something I felt before I started taking it. It's just much much worse now.
Any time someone tries to tell me what to do, for instance pointing out that I'm focusing on the negative and ignoring the positive, I get suddenly and fiercely angry. Like they're trying to take something away from me or tell me that the bad thing doesn't matter. Any time I try to think of how to feel better I get VERY mad about how hard it is and how other people don't have to try but I do.
I told my therapist I had a hard time forcing myself to get my haircut and she responded "okay! That's your homework this week! Go get a haircut!" And I could have fucking screamed at her. I got the damn haircut but I'm mad about it.
Does anyone else experience this and have found ways to get around it? I don't want to seem like I'm not trying. I'm trying really really hard and this anger is an obstacle.
| 2 |
Hello again
|
So, as we all know what happent last post of mine I feel into a great depression beaches of guilt, guess what? It didn't go away, I did go to a therapist this time, but didn't help, I got different drugs, didn't help either, so now all I can think of is her, my death and the fucking pills I got. I feel sick, guilty, I'm not religious but if I die I wish for hell
| 1 |
How can I help my partner with depression?
|
Hi, my partner is having a depressive episode, and I wanna help u, but she rejects me and any kind of help. Now I’m giving her some space hoping that maybe it helps her. What should I do in order to support and help her?
| 2 |
Collecting glossary terms for wiki (and help)
|
Please list terms/supplements you would like to see covered in the [glossary] (/r/depressionregimens/wiki/glossary)
As you can see it's going to take some time to put together, but I'd like one central place I can check to see terms that should be included.
Alternately, if anyone here would like to help in this effort, please message me. Having some contributors will speed things up...
| 52 |
Sister SubReddit is conducting a questionnaire regarding which medications helped with Anhedonia.
|
[https://www.reddit.com/r/anhedonia/comments/ozuw5n/results\_definitive\_review\_of\_effective/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/anhedonia/comments/ozuw5n/results_definitive_review_of_effective/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
| 90 |
Fluanxol (flupentixol) success story
|
Hi everyone, I wanted to share my unusual story of finding the right medication, as well as bring some awareness to a drug that is not FDA-approved. This atypical antipsychotic has only been mentioned in passing on this sub, but I am not a functional human being without it.
My depression set in when I was a teenager growing up in Moscow. My parents aren’t particularly warm and empathetic, so I spent a couple years self-medicating with random stuff and perusing online forums, until it got bad enough that I pleaded for a psychiatrist. We went to a nice, expensive, older one, recommended by a friend. She actually spent an hour talking to me, which I now recognise as a huge luxury - too many appointments last 15 minutes… I was diagnosed with atypical depression and sent home with a script for 25 mg Zoloft, coupled with 0.25 mg Fluanxol - a very low dose of both.
Within 3 days, I returned to normalcy! Magically, cognitive distortions dissipated, energy levels returned to an acceptable level, and the cloud of numbness had been lifted. The doctor went on to prescribe me a corrector for some restlessness I had felt in my throat. I took those pills for a year, and then enjoyed another year off them without depression.
After that, I moved to the United States for college. Alone in a foreign, high-stakes environment, depression returned within the first few days. I went to the medical center to discover that US doctors did not know about flupentixol, and it was not approved for use. I accepted a script for just Zoloft. It did not help, so my dose was upped, which made me worse, and again, which made me enter a zombie-like state. After that, we added on Wellbutrin, which did nothing, and then Abilify to mimic the effect of Fluanxol. That changed my personality and made me unable to eat, but I still couldn’t get out of bed.
After that, I had tried most SSRIs, Effexor, Risperidone, Quetiapine, Trintellix, shrooms and ketamine, to no avail. The only things that lifted my spirits temporarily were Adderall and Vyvanse for my ADHD, but the effect wore off within the day, and the day after was worse. I barely hobbled through college, heavily self-medicating with weed and relying on short bursts of stimulant energy. The only regimen that broke my catatonic depressive spells was the combination of Zoloft and Flupentixol.
I have now resorted to stockpiling it while at home (thank god for a different pharmacy system), my current stash will last me the next two years. Hopefully, Russia isn’t reduced to an atomic pile of rubble by then, and the Danish manufacturer Lundbeck continues making it. Without it, life is too painful. It blows my mind that if I spawned in the US, I would be diagnosed with treatment-resistant depression and wouldn’t have even those brief moments of relief when I’m adequately medicated.
So yes, if you struggle with a particular kind of depression that feels physical, is marked moreso by low energy and indifference than sadness, and also have ADHD/autism, you might have a dopamine metabolism problem like me and could benefit from trying this in combination with an SSRI. It seems to be available in Europe and some other places. I would appreciate any input from both people who take it and experts that lurk here, especially theories about why it works and what exactly is wrong in my brain. And of course, US analogs. If you were ever in a situation where you had to source your meds from a different country, I would love to hear about that too.
Peace, love, Slava Ukraini ✌️
| 8 |
Just got prescribed Mirapex/pramipexole.... I'm scared. Does anyone have any experience or advice?
|
As title says..... I actually was asking about this drug, and my psych is willing to prescribe it. but im terrified about side effects and addiction. my depression is basically just eternally feeling exhausted and numb, which is why I asked for this in regards to anhedonia.
does anyone have any experiences with this? any warnings or advice? or in general any knowledge? pls help :(
| 3 |
Wellbutrin for 10 months is this normal?
|
When I started Wellbutrin I had no idea side effects could be so bad. It was a nightmare, I was so dizzy, nauseous, anxiety ridden. You name it I went through it. I’m not really suffering from side effects currently though I will say I get anxious very easily but more so physically not mentally. So I feel like my body is dying cause my mind thinks everything’s fine but my heart is racing and I feel like I’m suffocating. East fix though, I started taking propranolol when needed.
My current issue is that everything makes me cry. Not necessarily only when I’m sad but when I feel any strong emotion i immediately get teary. Like something mildly funny has me tearing from laughing, if I’m super happy I feel like crying. It’s not necessarily something that is worrying me or anything. I’m just noticing this happening more frequently and want to know if anyone else has had this experience while taking Wellbutrin.
| 1 |
Partner wants kids, I'm worried about genetics.
|
Husband wants lots of kids. I want kids too, but I go back and forth on it. I really don't want to pass on my shit. I have that fun auditory hallucination depression, no schizophrenia though.
Just don't want to damn my kids. I don't know what to do. I'd rather adopt. I'd rather foster. Those aren't options for my husband till we have bilogical kids. He thinks I'm not as bad as I am, but holy cow man we here
| 3 |
Weaning off Cymbalta. HELP!!
| null | 1 |
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