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Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you say to a video game developer who's not that hard? | Ubisoft. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt... | Only a cheetah can. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What is Eminem made of? | He is made of Mathers |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I was fed up with being burgled and robbed every other day in my neighbourhood... | The alarm system was of no use so I tore it out and deregistered from our ineffective local Neighbourhood Watch. Instead, I've Planted a Syrian, Afghanistan, Yemeni and Iranian flag in four corners of my front garden. Now, The city police, The National Security Bureau, MI-5, MI-6, The CIA And Every Other Intelligence Service In Europe... Are All keeping watch on my house 24x7 x 365..... I'm followed to and from work every day and my wife too when she goes out shopping. So no one bothers us at all...I've never felt safer. All Thanks To these Flags! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Do you know what the scientific name of Viagra is? | Mycoxafloppin. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you call a clan for chickens? | Coo clucks clan |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Chuck is on the last day of his tour in Vietnam... | ...and he decides to celebrate. He goes into the city, gets very drunk, and sleeps with a Vietnamese hooker. A few days later, back in the states, he wakes up to find that his dick is covered in purple spots. So he goes to the doctor. "I'm sorry, son," the doctor says, "but you've contracted a rare venereal disease. It's not very common in this part of the world. We don't know that much about it, and unfortunately the only definite cure is to amputate." "Amputate my penis?" Chuck asks in disbelief. "Yes I'm afraid so." Chuck stands up. "I'm sorry, doc, but I just can't believe that's the only solution. I'm getting a second opinion." So Chuck decides to fly back to Vietnam, in hopes that the local doctors will know more about the rare disease. He finds a doctor, and makes an appointment. "Oh yes," the Vietnamese doctor says. "We see all the time, very common here. You no worry." "Thank goodness! The American doctor wanted to amputate my dick!" The Vietnamese doctor laughed. "Crazy American doctors! They always want to amputate something! Make more money that way. Wait two weeks, dick fall off by itself!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why did the hipster burn his mouth? | He drank the coffee before it was cool 😎 |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A crossfitter, a Texan, and a vegan walk into a bar. How do you know? | They all tell you within 3 seconds. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How can you tell if a post on r/Jokes is unoriginal? | It makes the front page. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Slept like a log last night | Woke up in the fireplace. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Which bees produce milk? | The boo-bees! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What did the kid with no hands get for his birthday? | Gloves! Nah, just kidding. He hasn't unwrapped it yet. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | New movie coming out about a golden retriever who helps a deaf boy. | It's called "Ear Bud." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump | The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Some day, Canada will take over the world. | And then we'll all be sorry. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend I turned to her to say "I love you so"... | She replied, "I love you so too!" We then proceeded to discuss how one could not love Yoo So, for our Chinese friend is nothing but a delight to be around! *Works better said aloud. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks... | Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | There's a lot I don't get about women | The main thing being their phone number. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you tell a nazi with two black eyes? | Nothing, you already told Richard Spencer twice! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | LPT: How to stop procrastinating | Step one: Prepare to do whatever it is that you need to do Step two: Do it tomorrow. This frees you from the work you would have done grudgingly, which decreases the quality anyway. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How much do noodles cost? | How much do noodles cost? About a penne. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun..... | A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! " The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Whale junior: Dad, where did I come from? | Papa whale: From my penis. Whale junior: Umm thanks? Papa whale: You're whalecum |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | "What do we want!" | "Hearing aids!" "When do we want them!" "Hearing aids!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | [Nsfw] How do you know you have a high sperm count? | She has to chew before swallowing |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | "Can we not have sex tonight? I'm tired" | "Hi Tired, I'm dad" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's a Mexican midget barbers favorite restaurant? | Little Cesar's |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? | A synonym roll. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I tried singing for my supper today. | Looks like I'm having rotten tomato soup tonight. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | You know why I drink apple juice? | Because OJ will kill you |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you call the underwear of someone experiencing nocturnal emissions? | Dreamcatchers |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I had my FIRST THREE WAY!!! | There were a couple of no-shows, but I STILL HAD A GREAT TIME!! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I saw a veteran begging in the street which made me very upset | But then I remembered I wasn't required to give the military quarters. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda? | Civic doody. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Jack and Jill went up the hill | So Jack could lick Jill's fanny. Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock 'cause Jill's a goddam tranny! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I'm deathly afraid of elevators. | I take a lot of steps to avoid them. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? | It was a nice ceremony....but the reception was amazing! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Shout-out to my arms | For always being by my side |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A company testing on animals just got sued for testing a chapstick on horses that made their lips burn off. | They called it neigh-balm. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Where do dads keep their jokes? | In their dadabase. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What breed of dog is the most depressing...? | A melancholy. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. | So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What was the pig when he got laryngitis...? | He was dis-gruntled! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How do you wake up Lady Gaga? | Poker face. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I couldn't decide how to propose to the love of my life | So I decided to ask her husband for advice. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A gay man goes to the doctor and is diagnosed with AIDS | The man is of course devastated, but asks the doctor if there is anything that can be done. "Yes," says the doctor. "Go home and eat a pound of Chili, one dozen of unpeeled carrots, three cups of bran, half a pound of jalapeños, half a pound of licorice, and wash it all down with a gallon of prune juice." "Will that cure me?" asks the patient hopefully. "No," replies the doctor. "But it will teach you what your asshole is for." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | The pilot gets ready for the flight | "Alright everyone, we will be taking off in a minute, please remain seated.", he says. After taking off, the pilot forgot the microphone on. "Know what I want now?", says the co-pilot, "a cup of coffee and a woman to suck my dick". Noticing the problem with the mic, one of the attendants bolts off to warn them. While she ran, someone on the back seats yells "Don't forget the coffee!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A truck load of Viagra was stolen yesterday | Police don't know who did it, but they're on the lookout for hardened criminals. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley | Thanks to months of therapy, I'm finally battling my Damons. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I used to have a weird affliction that caused me to alter all my Reddit posts to add the names of my favourite Frasier and Cheers actors but I'm over it now. | Edit: Grammer |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | It's now apparently politically incorrect to say "Black paint" | Now you have to say "Tyrone can you please go paint the fence?". |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I was at my wife's friend's house to pick up some glassware from the last time we all got together | And my wife's friend walks in and says "I want you to take off my shirt" So I take off her shirt, and she says "Now I want you to take off my pants" So I take her pants off, and she tells me to take off her bra and panties, so I take them off. Finally, she says "and if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again I'm going to tell your fucking wife" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger kill insects? | Because he's an ex-terminator |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Did you hear Apple is going into the wine business? | Their vineyard will produce every varietal of wine... except ports. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Three couples walk into a church... | One is an elderly pair, the second pair a little younger and finally the third a couple of newlyweds. They meet with the pastor, a strict but amicable looking man. The three couples tell the pastor they want to join his congregation. He gives them a big grin and replies, "Of course you may, but all of our new members must first pass a single test. If you can successfully abstain from sex for two weeks, we will welcome you with open arms." Sure enough, they all agree to follow the pastor's instructions and leave. Two weeks later they're all back at the church. The pastor first asks the elderly couple how it went. The husband replies, "Eh, it wasn't too hard. At our age, sex is more of an accident." The pastor tells them they're welcome to his congregation. He then turns to the younger couple and asks them the same question. The husband replies, "The first week was easy. The second.. Well I had to sleep on the couch, but we made it." The pastor welcomes them to the church, too. Finally, he turns to the young couple and asks them about their two weeks. The husband replies, "Well, we were doing fine, honest, until she reached up a high shelf to grab a can of red paint. She was wearing this really short skirt and I couldn't very well control myself. We did it then and there." The pastor solemnly shakes his head. "I am truly sorry but I can't let you into my congregation." The newlywed husband says, "That's quite alright, father, for all its worth, I don't think they'll let us back into the Home Depot either." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I climaxed on a blind girl's boobs yesterday | She didn't see it coming |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | There's a brand new cemetery in town | Everybody is dying to get in |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you call an Asian guy that always shows up before he needs to? | Earl Lee |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | The biggest lie | "I have read the terms and conditions" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | The US should rejoin Great Britain | Its not like we mind Taxation without representation anymore. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My friend just found out that he is both gay and dyslexic. | He is still in Daniel. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Did you hear why the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus shut down? | Because the Trump administration is now the greatest show on earth! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats | That's nuts, I told him |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it. | The taste of her hairy lap stick. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What is the center of a gay apple's life? | Décor. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why was the cookie so sad? | Because his mother was a wafer so long. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Life is like toilet paper... | Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My girlfriend told me that if I took her to get sushi, I didn't have to use a condom after. | She's getting the raw end of that deal! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I read an article recently on Hitler's speechwriter... | Apparently he was a real grammar Nazi. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Hitler dies and goes to hell... | As he arrives, Satan greets him. "Welcome to hell, Hitler." He says. "You deserve a place here for your actions. I will show you 3 rooms, and you'll have to switch places with the person inside the room. Now, follow me please." Hitler stays silent and follows Satan. They walk into a corridor with 3 doors. Satan opens the first door. Inside, there's a fully burnt figure laying on the floor, constantly being burnt over and over by sunrays. "Would you like to switch places?" Satan asks. "Um... Nein, show me ze other options." Hitler responds. They walk on to the next room. Satan opens the door, revealing a man being crushed by a boulder over and over as he screams in agony with each impact. "Would you like to switch places?" Satan asks. "Nein. Show me ze last room." Hitler responds. Satan leads him to the last room, revealing a fat guy sitting on a chair, getting a blowjob from Kate Upton. Without even Satan asking, Hitler grins and says "Ya, I want zis room!" He claims in excitment, thinking about the pleasures awaiting him. Satan smiles. "Great choice, Mr. Adolf." He then turns his head to them. "Hey Kate, we found your substitute!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | It's difficult being a dyslexic agnostic | I'm never quite sure whether or not there's a dog |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A guy moves way way out to the country... | ...miles from anything. One day there's a knock at the door, and he opens it to find a guy in full hayseed regalia, overalls, thermal shirt, the works. Hick: "Howdy, new neighbor! Would ya like to come to a party at my place tonight?" New guy: "Well, sure! I'm new to these parts, I sure would love to meet the locals." Hick: "I gotta warn ya, there'll be some drinkin'." New guy: "That's OK, I could use a drink." Hick: "There'll be some salty language." New guy: "That won't bother me." Hick: "...and some rough sex." New guy: "Hey, I'm in! How about if I bring a case of wine?" Hick: "Nah, a bottle should do: it's just you and me." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Two tickets for the 2017 Superbowl | A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl on February 5th -- box seats plus airfare, accommodations, etc., but he didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Isaac Jogues Catholic Church, in Pickering, at 5 p.m. Her name's Louise. She's 5'4", about 125 lbs., good cook, makes a good salary. She will be the one in the white dress . . . |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why do batteries feel lonely? | Because they are never included in anything. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why do they call "roach-clips", "roach-clips"??? | because potholder was already taken. I know it's like a venn diagram of drug jokes and dad jokes. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's the difference between a chickpea and a green pea? | Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a green pea on him. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A man goes to a brain store... | He asks the owner how much an accountant's brain sells for. The owner tells him, "We sell that for $6 per pound of brain." He then asks how much a doctor's brain sells for. The owner tells him, "We sell that for $11 per pound of brain." Finally, the man asks how much a politician's brain sells for. The owner tells him, "We sell that for $1,000 per 4 oz of brain." The man is astonished and asks why so much. The owner tells him. "Do you know how many politicians we need to kill to find 1 oz of brain?" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I posted a question about the brightest star in the night sky, but all I got were joke replies. | Should've added the [Sirius] tag. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I walked in on my parents having sex last night... | Possibly the most awkward 45 minutes of my life... |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How come Abraham Lincoln never went to jail? | Because he was in a cent |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I told my wife I wanted to try anal sex | She told me she's been having sex with an asshole for years. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you call a 20th century grammar nazi? | Alt-Write |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Need your best Short Jokes | One sentence max, I'll start: A Dyslexic walks into a bra |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How do you get a Jewish girl's number? | Lift up her sleeve. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Artistic people of Reddit, what is being artistic really like? | And can I get fries with that? |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Donald Trump goes to the doctor... | He says, "Listen doc, i get erections. I get the best erections, they're yuuuuuge, call Sean Hannity, he'll tell you. I'm having issues in the bedroom, presidential bedroom, and I'm falling flat, unlike my poll numbers. Can I get some Viagra?" The Dr replies, "No, but I can offer you some exercises and herbal remedies to help." Frustrated, Mr. Trump demands,"What kind of medicine do you practice here?!" "Alternative medicine." Edit: added some words and format on mobile |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why did Purple hate Red? | Because she left him feeling Blue |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What was Albert Einsteins DJ name? | MC Squared |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Friends are a lot like trees... | They fall down when hit multiple times with an axe. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A man has been shot with a starting pistol... | The police are pretty sure it's race related. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | An SEO Expert walks into a bar | An SEO Expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, nightclub, mini bar, bar stool, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A 79 year old pirate has his next birthday this morning.... | he wakes up and says to his crew, "AYE-matey!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | After nine years of being together, I finally got down on one knee. | And begged her to take it up the arse. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you call a singing laptop? | A Dell |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I took a vacation to a city in France. | It was Nice. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | In the middle east its hard to tell who's crazy, | And Hussein. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Australians don't have sex | They mate |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I had a thought the other day | Losing 15 pounds sounds a lot better in America than in England. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What does a robot do after sex? | Nuts and bolts. |
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