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Or when I don't believe in god it is a wastage of energy. Right? To believe or not to believe, or to say, 'Yes, there is god, look at nature, without god there would...' - you follow?
- all that tommyrot. I want to find out - to find out there must be freedom of energy, and that's why I say, 'I don't know'. And when I say, 'I don't know', that gives you tremendous energy.
I don't know what god is. I am not an atheist, I don't believe or disbelieve, I don't know. That means is my mind free of fear?
You follow? Because when I say, 'I don't know', there is a tremendous sense of uncertainty, nothing you can rely on. God was a marvellous refuge in which I took shelter.
When I say, 'I don't know', I refuse that shelter. You are following? Do you?
So I have no saviour, no guru, no teacher, I must find out. (Inaudible) Yes. I know.
(Inaudible) Wait, we are not talking that, sorry, you have just - we have been through that. I consciously see the falseness of taking a refuge in idea - right? - in an image.
I see that, I am sane, rational, not neurotic, I have no mental shocks, electric shocks, nothing. I see this. Therefore I am quite balanced.
And when I say, 'I want to find out', I must put aside all the man's inventions about god. Right? Will you do it?
That means you must be in a state where you have no sense of security. Physically, yes, we must have it - you understand? Sir, we don't have it.
We must have it. To have it we must get rid of this nationalities, divisions - you follow? - wars.
Sir, if I get rid of this in myself then I begin to question my very existence in a society which is as it is, I don't have that security. I can't be in that society. Why do you say that?
Sir, the moment you reject security, you'll do something. You don't say, I must leave the society, I must form a different kind of commune and so on and so on. You will do... (Inaudible) So what happens, sir.
Look, I want to find out what god is - I am taking the god, the same as love, or beauty. If you are interested in beauty. I want to find out what beauty is.
Not in the building, not in an architectural expression, not in some imaginative idea of space, or in a painting, or in a statue, or in a woman, or man, I want to find out what beauty is. To find out what beauty is there must be passion, mustn't there? Oh you people.
I must be passionate to find out, mustn't I? Isn't that the answer to physical security, that passion to find out... Obviously. (Inaudible) Somehow you know - talk about myself - I never sought security, and I am very...
I am here, still (laughs). In order to find out, sir, I must want terribly. Of course, sir.
Otherwise what kind of life does one lead? A shoddy bourgeois life? (Inaudible) Don't you want to find out, or you just live like a - you know - like a leaf driven and accepting what the propagandists say.
Don't you really want to find out how to end fear? Is not the life of the leaf so fearless? (Laughs) Sir, that was only a simile.
I understand, of course sir, it is. When the end of a leaf comes and it gets burned or some other fate, the leaf has not looked ahead to this event to have any fear about it. No, but we have thought, we have minds.
I don't want to die, I want to live. My living is, I must have security - physical, psychological, environmental, you know, I must have security. That is one of my deep demands that I must have security in order to live.
I see the security physically is essential - I must have two meals a day, or one meal a day, I must have shelter, and not only I but everybody in the world. And that is not possible if you are an Englishman and I am a blasted Indian. When we divide the world that is not possible.
But we know we need have no fear and stay alive, we all know we are going to die. Therefore that's a different question. How to understand what death is, that's a different question.
And if you say, I want to find out what it means to die, you must have passion to find out. But we all know already all about it. Do you?
We know enough to govern our daily lives by it. You are frightened by it. Most certainly.
Therefore to find out - I said, sir - to find out about god, love, if there is such thing as security, total security, to find out what death is, I must have energy. You follow, sir? I must have passion, I must have immense intensity.
I can't just say, well I'll sit back and say, well, I'll find out, and go on with my smoking and drinking and enjoying my poor shoddy little life. But most people do just that. The only people I know who are not afraid of death - or shall we say if there is any friend that I have met, it is that young people are more afraid of death and older people tend to be less afraid.
Because they are a little bit older, that's all. No, sir, no, please. ...wiser or more understanding.
Or they are bored with life. (Inaudible) Sir, the word 'seek' implies what? When you find it how do you know you have found it?
I have lost you, and I lost you, I can find you, and I look for you, then I recognise you because I have met you before. In my search for truth, for god, for beauty, for love and for the understanding of death, in the search for it how do I know that I shall find it? And when I do find it, is it the truth?
No, sir, this is too... So I have to begin by saying, do I really want to find out? Or is it just a game I am playing with myself because I am bored with life, with my wife, the children, going to the office, you know, I am bored, therefore I like to have some other thing.
So my question I want to end fear, every form of fear - physical fear, as well as psychological fears - I want to end them because I see freedom can never exist where there is fear. That's obvious. So I have to investigate, I must find out, give my life to find out, not just a couple of hours, to find out if I can live without fear - fear physically as well as psychologically.
Physically I know what to do. Right? I have had pain, I have had disease, I have had various forms of ailments - I haven't had it, but... you know - and I am afraid.
What is that fear? I have had pain a month ago, and that has left a mark on my mind, memory, and the memory says, for god's sake be careful, don't have that pain again. Right?
No? So fear begins when it says, 'I mustn't have it again'. Right?
So thought creates the future fear. No? So I say, my concern then is not fear at all but thought, to understand the whole structure of thinking.
Why does thought sustain the pain which happened a month ago now, why does it carry on? Is it possible when I had the pain a month ago to say, finished, I won't even think about it - it's finished. Because thinking about it is going to create fear of tomorrow.
No? Do it, sir! The same thing with pleasure - no?
- which is much more difficult. So I have to go into this question of thought. So can thought see that when there is pain it does the right thing - go to the doctor, or drug, whatever it is - not drugs, not the LSD and marijuana and all the rest of that business, but heal itself - fasting, dieting, you know, a dozen things you can do.
And thought sees to it that it does things properly and end it there, and not carry it over the next day. So can the mind - physically understand - can the mind be free of fear of tomorrow, of the past, of death? Sir, to find out there must be freedom, freedom means passion, fire, intensity, urgency, and that's why analysis destroys urgency.
Right? Urgency means revolution - not physical revolution, throwing a bomb, that's too stupid. But when you have urgency then there is immediate action.
Isn't that enough for this morning? What shall we talk about this morning? If we do choose a subject let us go to the very end of it, deeply and very honestly so that we really do understand something at the end of it.
So what shall we discuss? Can we talk about decision? Decision?
When we wake up day-to-day, we are terribly afraid... (Inaudible) Do you want to discuss that? What's the difference between superficial awareness and total awareness? What's the difference between superficial awareness and total awareness.
(Inaudible) (Repeating) Does responsibility necessarily kill the sense of enquiry. (Inaudible) (Repeating) Is there such a thing as decision or we let things happen. Now which of these shall we discuss, talk over together?
The first one? Which one, please. Decision.
Decision. Right. Sense of awareness.
Awareness. I think in talking over together this question of decision, perhaps we can also go into the question of awareness. What is involved in decision?
Choice, isn't it? Let us go into this completely - you understand? - and not your opinion against my opinion or your judgement against mine, but let us enquire into this completely and go into it thoroughly, shall we?
So that we shall find out at the end, whether there is such a thing as decision at all, and so on. Let's go into it. When we decide, decide between two things, which implies choice, doesn't it?
Right? Why do we choose at all? The choice between two houses, two motor cars, two materials - right?
- apart from that, what is the necessity for choice? When there is a desire, afterwards there's choice. When there is a desire, afterwards there's choice; that's what the...
The process begins when desire arises. The process begins when desire arises. We're asking, aren't we?
Why do I have to choose, and therefore a decision has to be made? Because I have conflicting desires, opposing desires, contradictory desires, therefore there is choice, is that it? Because of a lack of clear vision?
Lack of clear vision. You choose, don't you? Do you choose - what to do, what to think?
You do choose between two different roads, one is longer, one is shorter; one aeroplane journey's quicker than the other and so on, there is that kind of choice, inevitably, and decision. Is there - I mean we are enquiring, don't... Is there any other kind of decision, and choice and if there is decision, decision implies choice. Right?
Now why does choice exist at all? Look at it, sir, take time over it, let's take time, a little time. Because I am divided.
Because you are divided, that is, you have different desires, different objectives, different passions, different interests, therefore you choose between this and that, discriminate between this, what you call right, and that, what you call wrong, the essential and the unessential, so there's always this choice between the two. I am asking myself, before I choose, or decide, or make a decision which implies will, why do I have to choose at all, what does choice imply? If I see something very clearly, there's no choice, is there?
If I know the road from here to some place and I have investigated one or two ways and I have found the shortest, there's no question of choice, it is there. Not if we don't see clearly. Therefore, that is it, when we don't see clearly, then the conflict of choice arises.
Is that it? Right? Let us go together with this.
I don't see clearly what I should do. I have various roads or choices to make, because I don't see clearly, whether I should do this, that or the other - I am confused, and out of that confusion I have to make a choice. Or because I am confused, I choose.
And also the option is limited. If I choose engineering and I have also very much interest in biology, I can't do both, because of my own limitation. I know, wait a minute, that's again...
I don't know whether I should be an engineer or a biologist, or an artist - I am not very clear, I'm still very young, I don't know what to do. Society wants me to do that, my parents want me to do something else, and I want to do some other thing. Right?
And I say, I am limited, I can't choose, I'm too young or I'm too old or too gaga, or whatever it is, so what is one to do? Go on sir, it's your... Let us discuss it. I want to find out why I choose at all, why there is such a thing as choice.
Does choice exist when I see something very clearly? It is only when there is uncertainty, no clarity, no perception, then I am forced to choose. But if I see something very, very clearly it is finished, there's no choice.
I have to go to London and I want to do something there, there's no choice. And I want to be an engineer but somebody else wants me to be an artist. I may want both things.
I may want both things. I want to be an artist as well as a businessman - what is the decision there? Go on sir, please.
(Inaudible) Is that your problem? Is this your problem? That you want to be an engineer, a businessman or an artist - better (laughs) - and somebody tells you, you must be a businessman.
Are you faced with that problem - any of you? Or is it just a theoretical problem? I don't know what I really want to do.
I really don't know what to do, what I want to do. How will you find out? The desire to understand... one knows so little, one has so many images, one walks on different roads.
So what will you do? I have any image of myself as an artist and I have to go out and earn money because my mother is ill - so what am I to do? Go on.
Do you do all these things, do you actually go through all this or you just yield to circumstances? It is so impossible to discuss unless you... All right, let's go back. What does decision imply?
I decide - what does that imply, the decision? I decide not to be a drunk, I decide not to smoke any more because last night the doctors have found that it is dangerous to the heart and brain and all the rest of it. So I decide not to smoke - which means what?
No, please, look, you smoke, some of you smoke - I don't smoke, but suppose I smoke, and I say, 'I must stop'. I decide from today not to smoke any more. I decide.
What is involved in that decision? (Inaudible) Why are you separating, sir? I'm just asking one question, sir.
What is involved in decision? (Inaudible) Not only that, but also what? Resist smoking.
I'm in the habit of smoking - I've decided not to smoke and I resist the desire to smoke. I've made up my mind to resist smoking. So, there's a battle going on.
Right? Between the decision and the habit - the habit - the body is used to this smoke and it demands more and more, it has to have it. And so intellectually, listen to the doctors, fear.
From that I have decided not to smoke. So there is not only resistance, fear is involved in it and I'm in a constant battle - wanting to smoke and resisting it all the time - action of will over a long habit. I've taken a decision, so what happens then?
I create a new problem, don't I? Before I smoked, now I've decided not to smoke, and then that decision brings another problem - and so I keep problems going all the time. Is there a way of completely dropping without decision - decision being resistance, fear - all that's involved in a decision when I say I must not smoke - is there a way of stopping smoking without any of that?
Well, there is... Wait, wait. Answer my question.
Look, what I've said. I smoke or I take various forms of drugs. I am an alcoholic or god knows what else, and I decide to give up.
I take a vow, you know, chastity, poverty and all the rest of it. I take a vow. What happens?
I am always in a battle, am I not? There is a certain self-negation. Self-negation.
Now is there a way of understanding which is not based on decision, will, resistance, and yet not smoke - you follow? - break a habit without resistance, and so no choice whatsoever. (Inaudible) Yes, habit.
How do I end a habit without resistance, without saying 'I must not, I must control, I must resist?' (Sound of aeroplane) Sorry. The aeroplanes are having the day this morning.
(Inaudible French) If you don't understand French - bad luck. I am not going to translate it. (Laughter) Look, I am asking something very - please, let's stick to one thing.
I know the way of resisting - I drink or smoke or am attached to something, and I know the way, the traditional way of resisting, deciding not to do. And I see in that a great deal of conflict is involved, not only physical conflict but intellectual, emotional - you follow? - the whole problem of resistance arises.
I want to find a way in which all that doesn't exist, and yet drop smoking, drink, whatever it is, a habit, a long established habit. Come on, sirs. When... No, please listen to my question first before you - don't jump into it yet.
Because I know the old way which has been practised. I have to change myself. You have to change - no, what am I to do?
(Inaudible) You have habits, haven't you - no? Scratching your head, or twiddling your fingers or you know, walking in a certain way, the habit of chattering, gossiping - a dozen habits. Now, how will you end one of those habits without any resistance?
Wait, wait, (laughs) wait, sir. Please, do listen. Because resistance implies choice - and choice implies conflict - wanting, not wanting.
And therefore choice invariably arises when there is uncertainty, unclarity, confusion. So what am I to do? Habit is a small part of my whole conditioning... (Inaudible) ...so many other aspects of my life.
Yes, sir, I am taking one habit, one thing. I am taking the habit of drink, or smoking, or god knows - take one habit that you have, actually - don't invent a habit - actually you have a habit - scratching your nose or picking your nose or sitting in a peculiar way, insisting on a particular chair, whatever you have - habit. (Inaudible) No, sir.
I understand that. But take one habit now, and see if it can end without any form of the old traditional approach to a particular habit. Please, sir, I have stated it, now you discuss it.
One must... Don't say must, then you are lost. I want to end a habit without any resistance - because I explained resistance implies decision, conflict, choosing. Decision implies between this and that, should and should not, all that is implied.
I don't want to enter into that chaotic activity. I want to end it, and I want to end it without any conflict. Now you sit with it for a minute and work it out.
(Inaudible) No - let us put it that habit must be ended, or that habit must disappear - I don't know how to put it. You must have total attention. Oh no, sir.
Don't tell me, I don't know what you mean by total attention. I don't know what you mean by total attention. You heard the man talk about total attention and you repeat it.
I have got a problem, don't tell me I must be totally attentive. (Inaudible) All right. Is it possible to see the whole mechanism of habit?