garcianacho/Scripts · Datasets at Hugging Face

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Thanks, Principal Merkin.
I'll be blunt. I know you can take it.
Yes, sir. I'll brace myself.
Ted, you are the best editor this school paper ever had. You don't need to be pandering flesh. It's nonsense. It's beneath you.
You think I ought to just tell them thanks but no thanks? I don't want your silly billion dollar empire?
That's a good start, yes. A very good start.
Are you kidding? This magazine is my dream. It's every redblooded, heterosexual male's dream.
I never figured you for a pimp.
Have you ever even looked at "Heaven?"
What kind of sick question is that? I'll be watching you, young man. Your money and power mean nothing here. Nothing.
I guess you won't be wanting that Rolex I sent you, then?
With all due respect to Merk, he doesn't have to read my magazine. But he has no right to stop others. Ever hear of the First Amendment?
We cannot afford free speech if it excises the moral fiber of this community!
If that were true, this would be one seriously constipated town. Most guys in Xenia have been looking at naked girls in "Heaven" since they were old enough to figure out their dads hide it under the mattress.
Honestly, Merk. It's like you were never seventeen and the head of a media empire.
Rules are rules.
Come on, it's our only senior prom.
Deaf ears, Mr. Nelson. I answer to a higher power.
You're crossing the line, Mr. Nelson.
A statue in front of city hall, dedicated to Principal Dick Merkin?
I'm warning you.
A new pediatric wing at the hospital? A presidential campaign? Name it. Anything.
You kicked us off your turf, Merk. Don't rain on our parade.
Mr. Nelson, you disappoint me. First you break our school board rules. Then you break the law.
What law, Merk? Having fun? Letting down our hair on prom night?
Our state has a zero tolerance policy for underage drinking.
You called the cops on us?
Alcohol does horrible things to a developing young mind.
What is this? Does everybody know everything I'm about to say or do every freakin' minute of the day?
No cursing in this house, young man. Use the strong vocabulary God gave you.
I don't have a shred of privacy in this whole stupid town!
That's part of growing up, honey.
What? Having spring break ruined by will readings?
What about Charlie? You boys could make it a little adventure.
Charlie, at a will reading? What did I do to deserve this?
I'm all right, Mom. I'm not in Siberia, you know.
Did you have a nice flight? Are they taking good care of you?
Yeah, I'm doing fine. I have so much to tell you. I don't even know where to begin.
Save it, honey. We want to hear every detail when you get back, but we don't want you to run up Mr. Zukerman's phone bill.
It's okay, Mom. Trust me.
Well? Surprised?
What is all this? When are you coming home?
Just a few tokens of my affection. I'll be back soon, don't worry.
Everything is lovely, Ted, but much too expensive.
Mom. Believe me. I could buy all that AND the factories they came from.
Oh, good lord. Are those Neptunes?
Only the best for my mother.
You promise you'll finish school?
I'll make you very proud.
You don't have to work another day in your lives.
But how would we pay our bills?
Don't you get it? In one day I earn more interest than the store's entire annual revenue.
Oh. Goodness.
You're free. You can do anything you ever wanted to do!
Like what?
Like take that trip to Buckingham Palace. Go deep sea fishing in the Gulf of Mexico. Now's your chance.
But who would run the store?
Forget the store. Think big.
Everything I am is because of you. Can you ever forgive me?
Oh, Teddy. We missed you so much.
I need your help. I'm really in deep shit.
Don't say "shit," honey. Use the strong vocabulary God gave you.
So, William Randolph. Your last big scoop contrasted the popularity of Rice Crispie Treats and chocolate Snickerdoodles at the annual bake sale.
That's just one example. My reporting has made a difference.
Let me guess: retail sales of little chocolate sprinkles have gone through the roof!
The school dumpsters used to overflow to the point where the stench was unbearable. My award winning expos changed all that. The city added an extra weekday trash pickup.
Is it true? Is ignorance bliss?
Look, I loved "Exposed!" and I hate it that you got busted. I know the school paper sucks in comparison, but it's really not THAT BAD.
Don't even tell me you're hot for Miss Titty Pom Poms over there.
Christy's a very talented journalist. I see a Pulitzer in her future.
I didn't know they gave them for Best Lip Gloss Retention During a Blow Job.
Meow.
Go ahead. Ask her to the prom. Get it over with.
I have absolutely no intention
Do it. I tripledogdare you.
I tried to warn you, William Randolph. She's got stiletto heels hidden in those Keds.
But you tripledogdared me.
It was for your own good, in a twisted sort of publicly humiliating way.
A few billion bucks and suddenly he's CroMagnon Man of the Year.
It's so nice to have FRIENDS like you, Christy.
What is it, William Randolph? Your balls need scratching?
Your article sucked.
In what sense?
In the sense that there is no "hidden agenda" behind a bake sale that raised five hundred dollars for seeing eye dogs.
Ah ha! It was so well hidden, you didn't even know it was there.
Come on, Julie. Don't screw up. You have some real talent.
Just because someone died and made you king of the publishing world doesn't mean you're even one ounce smarter than you were a week ago.
I'm trying to help.
I'm still better than you. Nothing changed except the decimal point in your savings account.
That's not ENTIRELY true.
What do you want from me? I'm trying to be fair. But I can't keep you on staff if you turn every PTA meeting into an Agent Orange cover up.
Then I'll write about YOU.
Me?
"Local boy inherits more money than god." Call me crazy, but I smell human interest.
Really? You wanna write about me?
I have to admit, I always felt... different.
Different how? Different like a dwarf at a basketball game? Or different like a lesbian in pumps?
I don't get the distinction.
Could everybody else tell you were different, or were you the only one who knew?
I felt limited. I felt confined. I felt like I was suffocating.

Thanks, Principal Merkin.

I'll be blunt. I know you can take it.

Yes, sir. I'll brace myself.

Ted, you are the best editor this school paper ever had. You don't need to be pandering flesh. It's nonsense. It's beneath you.

You think I ought to just tell them thanks but no thanks? I don't want your silly billion dollar empire?

That's a good start, yes. A very good start.

Are you kidding? This magazine is my dream. It's every redblooded, heterosexual male's dream.

I never figured you for a pimp.

Have you ever even looked at "Heaven?"

What kind of sick question is that? I'll be watching you, young man. Your money and power mean nothing here. Nothing.

I guess you won't be wanting that Rolex I sent you, then?

With all due respect to Merk, he doesn't have to read my magazine. But he has no right to stop others. Ever hear of the First Amendment?

We cannot afford free speech if it excises the moral fiber of this community!

If that were true, this would be one seriously constipated town. Most guys in Xenia have been looking at naked girls in "Heaven" since they were old enough to figure out their dads hide it under the mattress.

Honestly, Merk. It's like you were never seventeen and the head of a media empire.

Rules are rules.

Come on, it's our only senior prom.

Deaf ears, Mr. Nelson. I answer to a higher power.

You're crossing the line, Mr. Nelson.

A statue in front of city hall, dedicated to Principal Dick Merkin?

I'm warning you.

A new pediatric wing at the hospital? A presidential campaign? Name it. Anything.

You kicked us off your turf, Merk. Don't rain on our parade.

Mr. Nelson, you disappoint me. First you break our school board rules. Then you break the law.

What law, Merk? Having fun? Letting down our hair on prom night?

Our state has a zero tolerance policy for underage drinking.

You called the cops on us?

Alcohol does horrible things to a developing young mind.

What is this? Does everybody know everything I'm about to say or do every freakin' minute of the day?

No cursing in this house, young man. Use the strong vocabulary God gave you.

I don't have a shred of privacy in this whole stupid town!

That's part of growing up, honey.

What? Having spring break ruined by will readings?

What about Charlie? You boys could make it a little adventure.

Charlie, at a will reading? What did I do to deserve this?

I'm all right, Mom. I'm not in Siberia, you know.

Did you have a nice flight? Are they taking good care of you?

Yeah, I'm doing fine. I have so much to tell you. I don't even know where to begin.

Save it, honey. We want to hear every detail when you get back, but we don't want you to run up Mr. Zukerman's phone bill.

It's okay, Mom. Trust me.

Well? Surprised?

What is all this? When are you coming home?

Just a few tokens of my affection. I'll be back soon, don't worry.

Everything is lovely, Ted, but much too expensive.

Mom. Believe me. I could buy all that AND the factories they came from.

Oh, good lord. Are those Neptunes?

Only the best for my mother.

You promise you'll finish school?

I'll make you very proud.

You don't have to work another day in your lives.

But how would we pay our bills?

Don't you get it? In one day I earn more interest than the store's entire annual revenue.

Oh. Goodness.

You're free. You can do anything you ever wanted to do!

Like what?

Like take that trip to Buckingham Palace. Go deep sea fishing in the Gulf of Mexico. Now's your chance.

But who would run the store?

Forget the store. Think big.

Everything I am is because of you. Can you ever forgive me?

Oh, Teddy. We missed you so much.

I need your help. I'm really in deep shit.

Don't say "shit," honey. Use the strong vocabulary God gave you.

So, William Randolph. Your last big scoop contrasted the popularity of Rice Crispie Treats and chocolate Snickerdoodles at the annual bake sale.

That's just one example. My reporting has made a difference.

Let me guess: retail sales of little chocolate sprinkles have gone through the roof!

The school dumpsters used to overflow to the point where the stench was unbearable. My award winning expos changed all that. The city added an extra weekday trash pickup.

Is it true? Is ignorance bliss?

Look, I loved "Exposed!" and I hate it that you got busted. I know the school paper sucks in comparison, but it's really not THAT BAD.

Don't even tell me you're hot for Miss Titty Pom Poms over there.

Christy's a very talented journalist. I see a Pulitzer in her future.

I didn't know they gave them for Best Lip Gloss Retention During a Blow Job.

Meow.

Go ahead. Ask her to the prom. Get it over with.

I have absolutely no intention

Do it. I tripledogdare you.

I tried to warn you, William Randolph. She's got stiletto heels hidden in those Keds.

But you tripledogdared me.

It was for your own good, in a twisted sort of publicly humiliating way.

A few billion bucks and suddenly he's CroMagnon Man of the Year.

It's so nice to have FRIENDS like you, Christy.

What is it, William Randolph? Your balls need scratching?

Your article sucked.

In what sense?

In the sense that there is no "hidden agenda" behind a bake sale that raised five hundred dollars for seeing eye dogs.

Ah ha! It was so well hidden, you didn't even know it was there.

Come on, Julie. Don't screw up. You have some real talent.

Just because someone died and made you king of the publishing world doesn't mean you're even one ounce smarter than you were a week ago.

I'm trying to help.

I'm still better than you. Nothing changed except the decimal point in your savings account.

That's not ENTIRELY true.

What do you want from me? I'm trying to be fair. But I can't keep you on staff if you turn every PTA meeting into an Agent Orange cover up.

Then I'll write about YOU.

Me?

"Local boy inherits more money than god." Call me crazy, but I smell human interest.

Really? You wanna write about me?

I have to admit, I always felt... different.

Different how? Different like a dwarf at a basketball game? Or different like a lesbian in pumps?

I don't get the distinction.

Could everybody else tell you were different, or were you the only one who knew?

I felt limited. I felt confined. I felt like I was suffocating.