garcianacho/Scripts · Datasets at Hugging Face

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I have to be honest with you, Ted. I really despise "The Girls of Xenia."
I know, their small town mentality can be maddening.
I mean your pictorial. It bothers me, profoundly.
Aw Julie, it's my job. It's like being a doctor.
You're telling me you don't get aroused by a roomful of naked breasts.
You've seen one naked breast, you've seem them all.
Which explains the continued success of "Heaven" for how many decades?
You're quick. I like that.
You think you're working with chimps here?
The thing is, I made a commitment. I said I'd do it and I have to keep my word.
Keeping your word is something I can actually respect, Ted.
Julie, wow. I was afraid you left. I was afraid I'd never see you again.
I'm not going anywhere, Ted. You're the one with the champagne wishes and caviar dreams.
I decided to let Helen run the magazine. I need to go to college, learn a few things, you know.
And I thought maybe I'd take up boating. I've always wanted to be a "coxswain."
Very ambitious. I like that.
The thing is, I'll need a first mate.
I know where you can find any number of naked girls who'd love to hop on board.
Planet Ted. Five years from now. What's happening?
I graduated from college. Did great, summa cum laude and all. And I'm about to launch a brand new magazine called "EXPOSED!" An homage to Miss Julie Conroy of Xenia, Ohio.
I know where you can find an excellent editorinchief.
Yellow pages?
Let your fingers do the walking.
They're playing our song. Dare I ask for this dance?
You better.
Mom, Dad. Meatloaf has come to represent all that Ted hates about his mediocre life and the world we live in. He's what you'd call clinically bummed.
Why can't we have pot roast or stroganoff or even a little London broil? I mean, for god's sake, we own a grocery store!
James, what are you doing here?
You can call me Jimmy again. Sheryl Petersen said James sounds too pretentious.
Sheryl Petersen is, what, nine years old, what does she know?
She knew exactly where you were staying, which you neglected to tell me, your own brother.
It's really late...do your parents know where you are?
Impressive. This is bigger than our whole house.
Most places are, Jimmy.
They say money can't buy happiness but this is a reasonably good facsimile.
So, what brings you here at his hour?
My new bike.
Very funny.
I came to ask permission to take custody of your room.
My room?
Better view, more spacious, new carpet. It's a nobrainer.
It's not up to me.
Mom and Dad said it's yours. They seem to think you're coming home.
You can have it, then. I'm not going back there.
If you could just sign right there.
You want it in writing?
Just a formality.
That's it? I mean, you don't want to order room service or anything? We could play games and watch movies and stuff.
Are you kidding? Mom and Dad discover I'm gone and I'll be doing hard time.
Are they okay?
Aside from the fact that Mom's eyes are nearly swollen shut from crying and Dad spends all his time under the car trying to fix stuff that isn't broken, things couldn't be better.
I miss them, too.
You can't come back. That is, you can, but your things will be in the room you currently think of as mine.
You're a peach.
Funny you should say that. My Grandfather was a peach farmer.
He was my Grandfather, too.
I meant biologically.
That's a crappy thing to say.
Look Ted. I'm cool with everything. You've long been dissatisfied with our mediocre little town. You've always had an itch for the good life. I'm happy for you. This couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
But just for the record, my Mom is a kickass schoolteacher and my Dad is the best damn auto mechanic this side of the Himalayas. You seem to have forgotten they opened Nelson's FAMILY Market so they could build something permanent, a legacy, for us. Their kids.
I didn't forget.
You ever look down on them again and call them "grocers" like it's a dirty word, and you'll be sucking your filet mignon through a straw for six to eight weeks. Got it?
Great.
From my wise, albeit youthful, vantage point, the world is your oyster. You scored big.
How are the hometown folks treating you, back in Xenia?
Well, Jay. They've been exceptionally supportive.
Are they hitting you up for donations? Asking you to sponsor the local quilting bee?
I'm no stranger to the notion of philanthropy. Andrew Carnegie has long been one of my idols.
What about the future? You planning to rock the boat at all? Stir things up in "Heaven?"
Matter of fact, Jay, my uncle and I are planning to rethink the magazine. To expand the traditional western notions of "beauty."
I see, so you'd be open to little ladies from Pasadena, who want to show you their knickers?
Matter of fact, Jay, I'm planning a pictorial focusing on the women of my hometown, "The Girls of Xenia." Just to show my appreciation.
You're on the next plane home.
I'm Helen McDole. Your father's executive secretary.
No problem, consider it done. I had this idea of shooting on location. Outdoors, you know? Maybe at some famous Xenia landmarks. You think that would be a problem?
We'll send you the release forms, Ted. Our staffers will help in any way they can.
It's a little more serious than that, Bill. The stockholders have requested a meeting. They want our guarantee that this will never happen again. Some of them are even calling for Ted's resignation.
Look, the girls of Xenia are gorgeous, you'll see. Next month we'll be back to normal.
Your parents never wanted to interfere with your life, Ted. They knew your Mom and Dad loved you very much. They knew they did the right thing. But that doesn't mean they didn't watch you and miss you, from afar.
You mean they knew who I was?
They kept this scrapbook of your life. It meant the world to them.
I wondered about them, for so many years. I wondered if I looked like them, acted like them. I wondered why they gave me up.
Giving you up was the most unselfish thing they ever did. When they founded "Heaven," they wished they could take you back but it was too late. All they could do was build the empire, knowing that someday it would all be yours.
My legacy.
Your parents would be crushed to think you weren't happy with it.
They're not my parents, Helen. My parents are back in Xenia and I hurt them very much.
I understand.
And the girl I love, she hates "Heaven." If I keep it, she'll never respect me.
But how can you respect yourself if you don't?
Oh, sweetheart! We wish we could be right there to hug the living daylights out of you!
But if you're watching this, then it means we bit the dust.
But don't worry...we'll be in heaven. The REAL heaven, I mean. Not that heaven is an actual place, but more like a state of being. Or not being. Who knows. Maybe we know now.
If you're anything like yours truly, then you probably figure we didn't want you when you were born, so who cares if we're dead? Am I right?
But we did want you. It's just that you don't always get to keep what you want. We knew you needed a real mom and dad.
We had no idea the nudie magazine we started in the garage would turn into all this.
Can you believe that was me?
Before we knew it, we created the most popular men's magazine in the entire nation. The rest is history.
So here we are. Dead. But we never want you to want for anything. That is, we want you to have everything.
Everything.
II don't have the keys.

I have to be honest with you, Ted. I really despise "The Girls of Xenia."

I know, their small town mentality can be maddening.

I mean your pictorial. It bothers me, profoundly.

Aw Julie, it's my job. It's like being a doctor.

You're telling me you don't get aroused by a roomful of naked breasts.

You've seen one naked breast, you've seem them all.

Which explains the continued success of "Heaven" for how many decades?

You're quick. I like that.

You think you're working with chimps here?

The thing is, I made a commitment. I said I'd do it and I have to keep my word.

Keeping your word is something I can actually respect, Ted.

Julie, wow. I was afraid you left. I was afraid I'd never see you again.

I'm not going anywhere, Ted. You're the one with the champagne wishes and caviar dreams.

I decided to let Helen run the magazine. I need to go to college, learn a few things, you know.

And I thought maybe I'd take up boating. I've always wanted to be a "coxswain."

Very ambitious. I like that.

The thing is, I'll need a first mate.

I know where you can find any number of naked girls who'd love to hop on board.

Planet Ted. Five years from now. What's happening?

I graduated from college. Did great, summa cum laude and all. And I'm about to launch a brand new magazine called "EXPOSED!" An homage to Miss Julie Conroy of Xenia, Ohio.

I know where you can find an excellent editorinchief.

Yellow pages?

Let your fingers do the walking.

They're playing our song. Dare I ask for this dance?

You better.

Mom, Dad. Meatloaf has come to represent all that Ted hates about his mediocre life and the world we live in. He's what you'd call clinically bummed.

Why can't we have pot roast or stroganoff or even a little London broil? I mean, for god's sake, we own a grocery store!

James, what are you doing here?

You can call me Jimmy again. Sheryl Petersen said James sounds too pretentious.

Sheryl Petersen is, what, nine years old, what does she know?

She knew exactly where you were staying, which you neglected to tell me, your own brother.

It's really late...do your parents know where you are?

Impressive. This is bigger than our whole house.

Most places are, Jimmy.

They say money can't buy happiness but this is a reasonably good facsimile.

So, what brings you here at his hour?

My new bike.

Very funny.

I came to ask permission to take custody of your room.

My room?

Better view, more spacious, new carpet. It's a nobrainer.

It's not up to me.

Mom and Dad said it's yours. They seem to think you're coming home.

You can have it, then. I'm not going back there.

If you could just sign right there.

You want it in writing?

Just a formality.

That's it? I mean, you don't want to order room service or anything? We could play games and watch movies and stuff.

Are you kidding? Mom and Dad discover I'm gone and I'll be doing hard time.

Are they okay?

Aside from the fact that Mom's eyes are nearly swollen shut from crying and Dad spends all his time under the car trying to fix stuff that isn't broken, things couldn't be better.

I miss them, too.

You can't come back. That is, you can, but your things will be in the room you currently think of as mine.

You're a peach.

Funny you should say that. My Grandfather was a peach farmer.

He was my Grandfather, too.

I meant biologically.

That's a crappy thing to say.

Look Ted. I'm cool with everything. You've long been dissatisfied with our mediocre little town. You've always had an itch for the good life. I'm happy for you. This couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

But just for the record, my Mom is a kickass schoolteacher and my Dad is the best damn auto mechanic this side of the Himalayas. You seem to have forgotten they opened Nelson's FAMILY Market so they could build something permanent, a legacy, for us. Their kids.

I didn't forget.

You ever look down on them again and call them "grocers" like it's a dirty word, and you'll be sucking your filet mignon through a straw for six to eight weeks. Got it?

Great.

From my wise, albeit youthful, vantage point, the world is your oyster. You scored big.

How are the hometown folks treating you, back in Xenia?

Well, Jay. They've been exceptionally supportive.

Are they hitting you up for donations? Asking you to sponsor the local quilting bee?

I'm no stranger to the notion of philanthropy. Andrew Carnegie has long been one of my idols.

What about the future? You planning to rock the boat at all? Stir things up in "Heaven?"

Matter of fact, Jay, my uncle and I are planning to rethink the magazine. To expand the traditional western notions of "beauty."

I see, so you'd be open to little ladies from Pasadena, who want to show you their knickers?

Matter of fact, Jay, I'm planning a pictorial focusing on the women of my hometown, "The Girls of Xenia." Just to show my appreciation.

You're on the next plane home.

I'm Helen McDole. Your father's executive secretary.

No problem, consider it done. I had this idea of shooting on location. Outdoors, you know? Maybe at some famous Xenia landmarks. You think that would be a problem?

We'll send you the release forms, Ted. Our staffers will help in any way they can.

It's a little more serious than that, Bill. The stockholders have requested a meeting. They want our guarantee that this will never happen again. Some of them are even calling for Ted's resignation.

Look, the girls of Xenia are gorgeous, you'll see. Next month we'll be back to normal.

Your parents never wanted to interfere with your life, Ted. They knew your Mom and Dad loved you very much. They knew they did the right thing. But that doesn't mean they didn't watch you and miss you, from afar.

You mean they knew who I was?

They kept this scrapbook of your life. It meant the world to them.

I wondered about them, for so many years. I wondered if I looked like them, acted like them. I wondered why they gave me up.

Giving you up was the most unselfish thing they ever did. When they founded "Heaven," they wished they could take you back but it was too late. All they could do was build the empire, knowing that someday it would all be yours.

My legacy.

Your parents would be crushed to think you weren't happy with it.

They're not my parents, Helen. My parents are back in Xenia and I hurt them very much.

I understand.

And the girl I love, she hates "Heaven." If I keep it, she'll never respect me.

But how can you respect yourself if you don't?

Oh, sweetheart! We wish we could be right there to hug the living daylights out of you!

But if you're watching this, then it means we bit the dust.

But don't worry...we'll be in heaven. The REAL heaven, I mean. Not that heaven is an actual place, but more like a state of being. Or not being. Who knows. Maybe we know now.

If you're anything like yours truly, then you probably figure we didn't want you when you were born, so who cares if we're dead? Am I right?

But we did want you. It's just that you don't always get to keep what you want. We knew you needed a real mom and dad.

We had no idea the nudie magazine we started in the garage would turn into all this.

Can you believe that was me?

Before we knew it, we created the most popular men's magazine in the entire nation. The rest is history.

So here we are. Dead. But we never want you to want for anything. That is, we want you to have everything.

Everything.

II don't have the keys.