jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Well, uh... m-maybe you better run off to bed...
Krusty the Clown, you are under arrest for armed robbery. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
What... is this a joke?
Ready, Mr. Simpson?
Yes, sir.
Send in the clowns.
So, Simpson. Which one is it?
Well, if the crime is making me laugh, they're all guilty.
No, no! Which one is the robber?
Oh, definitely number... Heh heh...
Simpson!
And this is all the mail that awaited us upon our return.
Hmmm hmmm.
And this is Selma dropping off our vacation film to be developed.
Thus concludes our Mexican odyssey.
Hmmm, very... thorough.
I'm home everybody.
Oh, goody gumdrops.
You missed the whole slide show, Homer.
Oh fantastic. Marge, you're never gonna believe what happened. I was down at the Kwik-E-Mart minding my own business when... Oooh oooh, ooh, the news.
Springfield's number one news team with our Emmy award winning anchorman, Kent Brockman.
Good evening. I'm Scott Christian. Kent Brockman is off tonight. Why did the clown cross the road? To rob a Kwik-E-Mart.
The news story behind that enigmatic half-joke right after this commercial message.
Wait a minute. Bart -- you know that guy on your lunch box?
Oh, you mean Krusty the Clown?
He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he?
Are you kidding? He's my idol. I've based my whole life on Krusty's teachings.
Lemme check.
Krusty the Clown is behind bars tonight after a daring twilight robbery of a local Kwik-E-Mart.
Krusty!
Earlier this evening, the Springfield Swat Team apprehended the TV clown, who appears on a rival station opposite our own Emmy award-winning Hobo Hank.
And just in... actual footage of the crime taken with the Kwik-E-Mart security camera.
The reason I look unhappy is that tonight I have to see a slide show starring my wife's sisters -- or as I call them, "the gruesome twosome."
Oh, Homer.
So, the truth comes out.
Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
Oh... oh! Krusty, how could you?
I know it looks very bad, honey -- but who knows? Maybe it'll turn out he was innocent all along.
Earth to Marge. Earth to Marge. I was there... the clown's G-I-L-L -T-Y.
You're my best friend.
Thanks, Krusty.
Buy my cereal!
Buy my cereal.
I didn't do it.
I wish I could believe you.
Good evening again, Springfield. Krusty the Clown, the beloved idol of countless tots, now nothing more than a common alleged criminal. His trial, which begins tomorrow, has taken center ring in a national media circus as children of all ages, from eight to eighty, hang on each new development like so many Rumanian trapeze artists.
From his humble beginnings as a street mime in Tupelo, Mississippi...
Krusty clowned his way to the top of a personal mini-empire --
-- with dozens of endorsements, including his own line of pork products. This may have led to one of television's best-loved bloopers -- Krusty's near fatal on-the-air heart attack in 1986.
Sorry, son. You'll understand one day.
Wasn't that a great Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, kids? Well, we've got another one coming right up, but first I got a hankerin' for some pork products.
Mmmm. Look! Plump succulent sausage, honey-smoked bacon and glistening, sizzling...
I'm dying! I'm dying!
But a quick triple bypass and a pacemaker later, Krusty bounced back. However, he was a changed clown. Where his show had been condemned by parents and educators alike as simple-minded TV mayhem...
This new Krusty devoted a small portion of every show to stamping out illiteracy in today's anything-for-a- thrill youth.
Give a hoot! Read a book!
Krusty's arrest has sent shock waves through Springfield, packing its churches, synagogues and mosques with disillusioned citizenry from all walks of life.
I urge every halfway decent member of our community to gather up all merchandise that bears the likeness of Krusty, that clown prince of corruption, and join me in a public burning.
So is Krusty the Clown about to trade in his baggy pants for the relatively snug uniform of Springfield Penitentiary? We'll find out tomorrow when his trial begins.
What kind of gun did you use?
Did you use an accomplice?
Will you plead insanity?
Look at him. His clothes are so drab.
His face is so flesh-colored and sad.
And his feet... they're so small.
Say it ain't so, Krusty.
My client has no comment at this time.
I didn't do it!
Krusty the clown, how do you plead?
I plead guilty, your honor.
Uh... I mean, not guilty. Opening night jitters, your honor.
I would like to call to the stand, Homer J. Simpson.
Don't do it, Dad. Please don't do it.
He's innocent, I tell you. Krusty would never do something like that. Ah come on Dad, you gotta listen to me.
Mr. Simpson, was that you taking that cowardly dive into that display of heavily-salted snack treats?
Yes, sir.
Hmmm hmmm. Do you recognize the gunman in this courtroom today?
Yes, I do.
Fine, would you point him out to us?
Oh, man.
Let the record show that the witness eventually pointed to Krusty the Clown.
These toys are just adorable. Who'd have guessed they were inspired by an insane criminal genius?
But Dad, you're giving in to mob mentality.
No, I'm not. I'm hopping on the bandwagon. Now come on, son, get with the winning team.
Hey, right here. Krusty souvenirs. Buy 'em and burn 'em right here.
Good people, I'm so happy you're all here tonight. But please, just a few words of caution. Now, we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze, but because these are children's toys the fire will spread quickly, so please stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes.
Ahhhhh. Oooh!
Krusty, would you please turn your attention to Exhibit B, and tell me what you see?
Which one do you mean?
The one with the big B on it.
Uh... uh...
What's the matter, can't you read?
No, I can't! I can't read or write! I admit it! I'm totally illiterate! Now are you happy?
Can it be that the champion of child literacy can't even read himself?
Is it a crime to be illiterate?
Yeah, Al. Last name, Koholic.
All right, all right. See this, Krusty? This is a 'B'. And this is Exhibit B. Betting slips, obtained by this court indicating you have lost substantial sums of money on sports gambling --
Is it a crime to bet on sporting events?
Yes, it is.
Foreperson, have you reached a verdict?

Well, uh... m-maybe you better run off to bed...

Krusty the Clown, you are under arrest for armed robbery. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

What... is this a joke?

Ready, Mr. Simpson?

Yes, sir.

Send in the clowns.

So, Simpson. Which one is it?

Well, if the crime is making me laugh, they're all guilty.

No, no! Which one is the robber?

Oh, definitely number... Heh heh...

Simpson!

And this is all the mail that awaited us upon our return.

Hmmm hmmm.

And this is Selma dropping off our vacation film to be developed.

Thus concludes our Mexican odyssey.

Hmmm, very... thorough.

I'm home everybody.

Oh, goody gumdrops.

You missed the whole slide show, Homer.

Oh fantastic. Marge, you're never gonna believe what happened. I was down at the Kwik-E-Mart minding my own business when... Oooh oooh, ooh, the news.

Springfield's number one news team with our Emmy award winning anchorman, Kent Brockman.

Good evening. I'm Scott Christian. Kent Brockman is off tonight. Why did the clown cross the road? To rob a Kwik-E-Mart.

The news story behind that enigmatic half-joke right after this commercial message.

Wait a minute. Bart -- you know that guy on your lunch box?

Oh, you mean Krusty the Clown?

He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he?

Are you kidding? He's my idol. I've based my whole life on Krusty's teachings.

Lemme check.

Krusty the Clown is behind bars tonight after a daring twilight robbery of a local Kwik-E-Mart.

Krusty!

Earlier this evening, the Springfield Swat Team apprehended the TV clown, who appears on a rival station opposite our own Emmy award-winning Hobo Hank.

And just in... actual footage of the crime taken with the Kwik-E-Mart security camera.

The reason I look unhappy is that tonight I have to see a slide show starring my wife's sisters -- or as I call them, "the gruesome twosome."

Oh, Homer.

So, the truth comes out.

Hand over all your money in a paper bag.

Oh... oh! Krusty, how could you?

I know it looks very bad, honey -- but who knows? Maybe it'll turn out he was innocent all along.

Earth to Marge. Earth to Marge. I was there... the clown's G-I-L-L -T-Y.

You're my best friend.

Thanks, Krusty.

Buy my cereal!

Buy my cereal.

I didn't do it.

I wish I could believe you.

Good evening again, Springfield. Krusty the Clown, the beloved idol of countless tots, now nothing more than a common alleged criminal. His trial, which begins tomorrow, has taken center ring in a national media circus as children of all ages, from eight to eighty, hang on each new development like so many Rumanian trapeze artists.

From his humble beginnings as a street mime in Tupelo, Mississippi...

Krusty clowned his way to the top of a personal mini-empire --

-- with dozens of endorsements, including his own line of pork products. This may have led to one of television's best-loved bloopers -- Krusty's near fatal on-the-air heart attack in 1986.

Sorry, son. You'll understand one day.

Wasn't that a great Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, kids? Well, we've got another one coming right up, but first I got a hankerin' for some pork products.

Mmmm. Look! Plump succulent sausage, honey-smoked bacon and glistening, sizzling...

I'm dying! I'm dying!

But a quick triple bypass and a pacemaker later, Krusty bounced back. However, he was a changed clown. Where his show had been condemned by parents and educators alike as simple-minded TV mayhem...

This new Krusty devoted a small portion of every show to stamping out illiteracy in today's anything-for-a- thrill youth.

Give a hoot! Read a book!

Krusty's arrest has sent shock waves through Springfield, packing its churches, synagogues and mosques with disillusioned citizenry from all walks of life.

I urge every halfway decent member of our community to gather up all merchandise that bears the likeness of Krusty, that clown prince of corruption, and join me in a public burning.

So is Krusty the Clown about to trade in his baggy pants for the relatively snug uniform of Springfield Penitentiary? We'll find out tomorrow when his trial begins.

What kind of gun did you use?

Did you use an accomplice?

Will you plead insanity?

Look at him. His clothes are so drab.

His face is so flesh-colored and sad.

And his feet... they're so small.

Say it ain't so, Krusty.

My client has no comment at this time.

I didn't do it!

Krusty the clown, how do you plead?

I plead guilty, your honor.

Uh... I mean, not guilty. Opening night jitters, your honor.

I would like to call to the stand, Homer J. Simpson.

Don't do it, Dad. Please don't do it.

He's innocent, I tell you. Krusty would never do something like that. Ah come on Dad, you gotta listen to me.

Mr. Simpson, was that you taking that cowardly dive into that display of heavily-salted snack treats?

Yes, sir.

Hmmm hmmm. Do you recognize the gunman in this courtroom today?

Yes, I do.

Fine, would you point him out to us?

Oh, man.

Let the record show that the witness eventually pointed to Krusty the Clown.

These toys are just adorable. Who'd have guessed they were inspired by an insane criminal genius?

But Dad, you're giving in to mob mentality.

No, I'm not. I'm hopping on the bandwagon. Now come on, son, get with the winning team.

Hey, right here. Krusty souvenirs. Buy 'em and burn 'em right here.

Good people, I'm so happy you're all here tonight. But please, just a few words of caution. Now, we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze, but because these are children's toys the fire will spread quickly, so please stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes.

Ahhhhh. Oooh!

Krusty, would you please turn your attention to Exhibit B, and tell me what you see?

Which one do you mean?

The one with the big B on it.

Uh... uh...

What's the matter, can't you read?

No, I can't! I can't read or write! I admit it! I'm totally illiterate! Now are you happy?

Can it be that the champion of child literacy can't even read himself?

Is it a crime to be illiterate?

Yeah, Al. Last name, Koholic.

All right, all right. See this, Krusty? This is a 'B'. And this is Exhibit B. Betting slips, obtained by this court indicating you have lost substantial sums of money on sports gambling --

Is it a crime to bet on sporting events?

Yes, it is.

Foreperson, have you reached a verdict?