jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Yes, we have, your honor. We find the defendant, Krusty the Clown... guilty.
I knew it! This happens to me every time.
My young friends. For years I have been silent, save for the crude glissandos of this primitive wind instrument. But now destiny has thrust me into the center ring. In the coming weeks, you will notice some rather sweeping changes in our program. Please, do not be alarmed. Itchy and Scratchy will still have a home here, but we will also learn about nutrition, self-esteem, etiquette and all the lively arts.
What the hell are you doing, Lis?
I'm watching Sideshow Bob. You know, he's a lot less patronizing than Krusty used to be.
You backstabber, you traitor, you...
Snap out of it, Bart. Face the facts. All those hours we spent staring at Krusty, we were staring at a crook.
Look, Lisa, I know Krusty's innocent. Don't ask me why. It's just a feeling I have.
Oh, Bart.
Come on, Lisa. I think I can prove Krusty's innocent, but I need your help.
You do? Why?
Oh, come on Lis, you know why.
No, why?
I'll never forgive you for making me say this, but... you're smarter than me.
So, you with me?
Yeah man.
Okay, okay. Don't try anything funny. I'm armed to the teeth.
Bart, look!
So? I don't have a pacemaker.
Come on, Bart. The tape showed that the robber heated up a burrito.
Don't you remember the get-well card we sent to Krusty? It was after his heart attack, when he had a pacemaker put in.
Wait a minute. Krusty can't read.
Okay! okay! So the poor guy can't read! Can't we get off his back already?
No! Don't you get it, Bart? How could Krusty have been reading a magazine if he can't read?
Hey, hey. This is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing, put it down or I'll blow your heads off.
Bart, I'm starting to think you're right. Krusty was framed. Did he have any enemies?
I don't know, but I know someone who would: Krusty's best friend in the whole world, Sideshow Bob.
"A volley of musketry flamed, thundered, roared. A profound silence followed, broken only by the approaching footsteps of the Third Brigade."
Next week, chapter thirty five of "The Man In The Iron Mask-The Death Of A Titan."
Well, kids, that's our show for the day. And now, the words of Mr. Cole Porter...
EVERY TIME WE SAY GOODBYE, I DIE A LITTLE. EVERY TIME WE SAY GOODBYE, I WONDER WHY A LITTLE. EVERY TIME WE SAY GOODBYE. GOODBYE.
Great show, Sideshow. Switchboards were jammed. The kids love you.
Thanks, Ted. I'm glad we've finally dispelled the myth that I'm too uptown for the tots. And yet, I can't help thinking about poor Krusty.
We see your face on key chains!
-- and water-action pens!
-- and snow domes!
This is all very exciting, but I think we'd do well to explore the more upscale market. For instance, Sideshow Bob limited edition prints, collectors plates, commemorative coins.
Some kids are here to see you, Sideshow Bob. They say it's important.
Ah, well. We can sign these contracts tomorrow.
Certainly. I take great pride in being able to sign my own name.
Sideshow Bob, can we ask you a few--
Forgive me, children. As much as Sideshow Bob would love to chat, he has a show starting in moments. Here you go. Three tickets, be my guest.
Well, okay, but...
Come, come, let's run along.
Hello, children. Whom do you love?
Sideshow Bob!
Come on, Bart. Go with the flow.
How much do you love me?
With all our hearts!
About a zillionth as much as I love Krusty.
Today's show promises to be a marvelous celebration of the human spirit. But first, I regret to say I see a youngster who looks troubled.
What's your name, young man?
Bart Simpson, sir.
Mmm... Well, perhaps we can shed some light on your problem in a new segment exploring pre-adolescent turmoil. I call it "Choices."
I don't think so, sir.
Bart, I'm reaching out to you.
So what's on your mind, Bart? I bet the other children don't accept you.
True, Sideshow Bob, but that doesn't bother me. You see, my sisters and I have been doing a little investigating, and it looks to us like Krusty was framed.
Framed?
Well, the videotape showed that the thief used the microwave oven at the Kwik-E-Mart. But Krusty couldn't go near the thing. Not with his pacemaker.
Well, you know Bart, as much as I love Krusty, he was never one to take doctors' orders too seriously.
Well, maybe. But, get this, Krusty was illiterate and the guy who robbed the store was reading the Springfield Review of Books.
Ah, well, Bart...
The fact is, you don't have to be able to read to enjoy the Springfield
Review of Books. Just look at these amusing caricatures of Gore Vidal and Susan Sontag.
Yeah, I guess those are kinda funny.
Bart, children, this whole sordid affair has been a shock to all of us, but we must get on with our lives. Let's try to remember Krusty not as a hardened criminal, but as that lovable jester who honked his horn and puttered around in his little car.
And shot you out of a cannon.
And shot me out of a cannon. Yes, we will never forget that will we? Bart, open your heart. I admit I have some mighty big shoes to fill, but if you give me a chance, I promise you won't be disap...
Big shoes to fill. Big shoes to fill. Big shoes to fill.
You know, in ancient Greece, there was a school of thought called stoicist...
Wait a minute! You did it!
Excuse me?
Attention, fellow children. Krusty didn't rob that store. Sideshow Bob framed him and I got proof.
Ow, my foot, you lousy, stupid, clumsy...
See that? Krusty wore big floppy shoes but he's got little feet, like all good-hearted people.
Sideshow Bob really fills his shoe with big ugly feet.
The kid's right.
How do you figure we missed that?
Get off your duffs, boys. Get down to that studio!
Yes, I admit it. I hated him. His hackneyed shenanigans robbed me of my dignity for years. I played the buffoon while he squandered a fortune on his vulgar appetites. That's why I framed Krusty. I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for these meddling kids.
Take him away, boys.
Treat kids as equals. They're people too. They're smarter than you think. They were smart enough to catch me.
Well, we made a terrible, terrible mistake. Uh... won't happen again.
It better not, you dimwit.
Krusty, I'm man enough to admit I was wrong, and I'm sorry I fingered you in court. I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard about what goes on in prison are exaggerated.
Okay... let's see... next we have...
Well, the important thing is that I regained the trust of the children, but there was one boy who trusted me all along. Bart?
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
And now to our own pie-in-the-sky, Bill Pie, in the KBBL traffic copter. So, come on in, Bill.
Bad news, drivers. There's an overturned melon truck on the Interstate. Oh, it's a mess. There's lots of rubbernecking and melon rustling going on, so expect delays of up to three hours.
Hey! Donuts!
Bart, there's one left and it's mine!
Awww, Dad.
Awww... Homer!
Uh-oh, school bus.
Hey, cool your jets, man. We're comin'!
You forgot the special lunches I made.
That's okay, Mom!

Yes, we have, your honor. We find the defendant, Krusty the Clown... guilty.

I knew it! This happens to me every time.

My young friends. For years I have been silent, save for the crude glissandos of this primitive wind instrument. But now destiny has thrust me into the center ring. In the coming weeks, you will notice some rather sweeping changes in our program. Please, do not be alarmed. Itchy and Scratchy will still have a home here, but we will also learn about nutrition, self-esteem, etiquette and all the lively arts.

What the hell are you doing, Lis?

I'm watching Sideshow Bob. You know, he's a lot less patronizing than Krusty used to be.

You backstabber, you traitor, you...

Snap out of it, Bart. Face the facts. All those hours we spent staring at Krusty, we were staring at a crook.

Look, Lisa, I know Krusty's innocent. Don't ask me why. It's just a feeling I have.

Oh, Bart.

Come on, Lisa. I think I can prove Krusty's innocent, but I need your help.

You do? Why?

Oh, come on Lis, you know why.

No, why?

I'll never forgive you for making me say this, but... you're smarter than me.

So, you with me?

Yeah man.

Okay, okay. Don't try anything funny. I'm armed to the teeth.

Bart, look!

So? I don't have a pacemaker.

Come on, Bart. The tape showed that the robber heated up a burrito.

Don't you remember the get-well card we sent to Krusty? It was after his heart attack, when he had a pacemaker put in.

Wait a minute. Krusty can't read.

Okay! okay! So the poor guy can't read! Can't we get off his back already?

No! Don't you get it, Bart? How could Krusty have been reading a magazine if he can't read?

Hey, hey. This is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing, put it down or I'll blow your heads off.

Bart, I'm starting to think you're right. Krusty was framed. Did he have any enemies?

I don't know, but I know someone who would: Krusty's best friend in the whole world, Sideshow Bob.

"A volley of musketry flamed, thundered, roared. A profound silence followed, broken only by the approaching footsteps of the Third Brigade."

Next week, chapter thirty five of "The Man In The Iron Mask-The Death Of A Titan."

Well, kids, that's our show for the day. And now, the words of Mr. Cole Porter...

EVERY TIME WE SAY GOODBYE, I DIE A LITTLE. EVERY TIME WE SAY GOODBYE, I WONDER WHY A LITTLE. EVERY TIME WE SAY GOODBYE. GOODBYE.

Great show, Sideshow. Switchboards were jammed. The kids love you.

Thanks, Ted. I'm glad we've finally dispelled the myth that I'm too uptown for the tots. And yet, I can't help thinking about poor Krusty.

We see your face on key chains!

-- and water-action pens!

-- and snow domes!

This is all very exciting, but I think we'd do well to explore the more upscale market. For instance, Sideshow Bob limited edition prints, collectors plates, commemorative coins.

Some kids are here to see you, Sideshow Bob. They say it's important.

Ah, well. We can sign these contracts tomorrow.

Certainly. I take great pride in being able to sign my own name.

Sideshow Bob, can we ask you a few--

Forgive me, children. As much as Sideshow Bob would love to chat, he has a show starting in moments. Here you go. Three tickets, be my guest.

Well, okay, but...

Come, come, let's run along.

Hello, children. Whom do you love?

Sideshow Bob!

Come on, Bart. Go with the flow.

How much do you love me?

With all our hearts!

About a zillionth as much as I love Krusty.

Today's show promises to be a marvelous celebration of the human spirit. But first, I regret to say I see a youngster who looks troubled.

What's your name, young man?

Bart Simpson, sir.

Mmm... Well, perhaps we can shed some light on your problem in a new segment exploring pre-adolescent turmoil. I call it "Choices."

I don't think so, sir.

Bart, I'm reaching out to you.

So what's on your mind, Bart? I bet the other children don't accept you.

True, Sideshow Bob, but that doesn't bother me. You see, my sisters and I have been doing a little investigating, and it looks to us like Krusty was framed.

Framed?

Well, the videotape showed that the thief used the microwave oven at the Kwik-E-Mart. But Krusty couldn't go near the thing. Not with his pacemaker.

Well, you know Bart, as much as I love Krusty, he was never one to take doctors' orders too seriously.

Well, maybe. But, get this, Krusty was illiterate and the guy who robbed the store was reading the Springfield Review of Books.

Ah, well, Bart...

The fact is, you don't have to be able to read to enjoy the Springfield

Review of Books. Just look at these amusing caricatures of Gore Vidal and Susan Sontag.

Yeah, I guess those are kinda funny.

Bart, children, this whole sordid affair has been a shock to all of us, but we must get on with our lives. Let's try to remember Krusty not as a hardened criminal, but as that lovable jester who honked his horn and puttered around in his little car.

And shot you out of a cannon.

And shot me out of a cannon. Yes, we will never forget that will we? Bart, open your heart. I admit I have some mighty big shoes to fill, but if you give me a chance, I promise you won't be disap...

Big shoes to fill. Big shoes to fill. Big shoes to fill.

You know, in ancient Greece, there was a school of thought called stoicist...

Wait a minute! You did it!

Excuse me?

Attention, fellow children. Krusty didn't rob that store. Sideshow Bob framed him and I got proof.

Ow, my foot, you lousy, stupid, clumsy...

See that? Krusty wore big floppy shoes but he's got little feet, like all good-hearted people.

Sideshow Bob really fills his shoe with big ugly feet.

The kid's right.

How do you figure we missed that?

Get off your duffs, boys. Get down to that studio!

Yes, I admit it. I hated him. His hackneyed shenanigans robbed me of my dignity for years. I played the buffoon while he squandered a fortune on his vulgar appetites. That's why I framed Krusty. I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for these meddling kids.

Take him away, boys.

Treat kids as equals. They're people too. They're smarter than you think. They were smart enough to catch me.

Well, we made a terrible, terrible mistake. Uh... won't happen again.

It better not, you dimwit.

Krusty, I'm man enough to admit I was wrong, and I'm sorry I fingered you in court. I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard about what goes on in prison are exaggerated.

Okay... let's see... next we have...

Well, the important thing is that I regained the trust of the children, but there was one boy who trusted me all along. Bart?

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

And now to our own pie-in-the-sky, Bill Pie, in the KBBL traffic copter. So, come on in, Bill.

Bad news, drivers. There's an overturned melon truck on the Interstate. Oh, it's a mess. There's lots of rubbernecking and melon rustling going on, so expect delays of up to three hours.

Hey! Donuts!

Bart, there's one left and it's mine!

Awww, Dad.

Awww... Homer!

Uh-oh, school bus.

Hey, cool your jets, man. We're comin'!

You forgot the special lunches I made.

That's okay, Mom!