jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Hey, there's something different about you, Homer. Did you lose some weight?
Yeah, you look like you got a tan or something.
I know what it is... a new tie.
Morons! Pathetic morons in my employ, stealing my precious money. This is hopeless! None of these cretins deserve a promotion.
Well, it's in the union contract, sir. One token promotion from within per year.
Wait. Who is that young go-getter?
Louder!
Well, it sort of looks like Homer Simpson, only more... dynamic and resourceful.
Simpson, eh? Hmmm. An unspoiled lump of clay to mold in my own image. Our new junior executive. Bring him to me.
Attention Homer Simpson. You have been promoted. You are now an executive. Take three minutes to say goodbye to your former friends and report to room 503 for reassignment to a better life.
Well, your resume seems in order. Besides typing and stuff, do you have any other qualifications I should know about?
I give great back rubs to harried executives. Here. Let me show you.
No, no, that'll be fine, thank you, goodbye.
Hello, Homie. How's my big important executive?
Oh Marge, every woman I interview for the secretary job makes kissy faces at me.
Hello, Mr. Simpson. I'm Karl.
He sounds good. Hire him.
I'll call you back, Marge.
Simpson! Meeting in the board room tomorrow at two. Just sit there and keep your mouth shut. Got it?
Yes, Mr. Smithers.
He thinks he's so big.
You don't belong here.
You don't belong here. You're a fraud and a phony and it's only a matter of time until they find you out.
Who told you?
You did! You told me with the way you slump your shoulders, the-the way you talk into your chest, the way you smother yourself in bargain basement lime-green polyester. I want you to say to yourself: I deserve this! I love it! I am nature's greatest miracle! Go ahead, say it.
I... I de...
Trust me, Homer.
I de...
Take a step and say it.
I deserve this.
I deserve this!
SHOUT IT!
I AM NATURE'S GREATEST MIRACLE!
I'll need three weeks vacation and moving expenses.
YOU GOT IT, BUDDY!
Let's go shopping.
Ooh. Beauty.
A man's suit should make him feel like a prince. It should cry out to the world, "Here I am! Don't judge me! Love me!"
Do any of these suits do that?
Ooh, I like this.
No, no, no, no. Stand naturally, Mr. Simpson. Let it all hang out.
You, conceal it.
Mom and Dad have been smooching again.
Gotta run, Marge. Can't be late.
Happy anniversary, Homer.
What? Our anniversary? Are you sure?
Don't worry, Homie. This year you have an excuse for not remembering, what with your job and --
Happy anniversary, Mrs. Homer Simpson. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, TO ME / YEAH! YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, TO ME / CAN'T YOU SEE / CAN'T YOU SEE...
Oh, Homer.
Can't you see!
Yes, sir. I hope I didn't overstep my bounds.
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL... TO ME
I love you, Homer.
I love you, Karl -- Marge.
Proceed, Smithers.
Our first issue, sir, is our low productivity and record-high worker accident rate.
Any suggestions?
A round of layoffs might wake up the idiots.
We could put caffeine in the water cooler.
Well those are my ideas! You people don't think, you regurgitate. That's why I promoted someone who's in touch with the workers. You!
I think you mean him, sir.
You then! How would you improve the worker situation?
Well, sir, for one thing we had a problem every Tuesday, when the cafeteria would serve fish sticks.
Fish sticks? What in blazes are you talking about?
Well, sir, they cut the head off a fish and chop up the rest into sticks, and then put seasoned bread crumbs on them.
I know what fish sticks are! Get to the point!
Well, you only get this tiny little cup of tartar sauce to dip it in and I always run out.
Will you stop wasting our time, Simpson?
Shut up, Smithers. Can't you see what he's saying? A happy worker is a busy worker. Three cents worth of tartar sauce could save us thousands of man-hours in labor. I like the cut of your jib, Simpson. Let the fools have their tar-tar sauce!
Enjoy your tartar sauce, boys! Enjoy! Give me your plates. Don't crowd. Plenty for everybody.
Hmmm. Brilliant. Who could have ever imagined that Simpson's sweeping reforms would pay off so quickly?
You know, sir, accidents decreased by exactly the number that Simpson himself is known or suspected to have caused last month. And our output level was just as high during Simpson's last vacation.
My dear tired old Smithers, do I detect a note of jealousy?
It is time. Give Simpson the key.
Mr. Simpson, don't sit on that filthy thing one second longer! They've given you the key!
The key!
Stunning. Absolutely stunning.
Oh, hey ho, men. You know I was watching the DuMont last night and I happened to catch a fascinating documentary on Rommel, the Desert Fox. Now there's a man who could get things done.
Towel please, Simpson.
Allow me, sir.
I said, Simpson!
Sure thing, Mr. Burns.
Well done, Simpson. Now, walk behind me down the hallway.
Can do, sir.
A thousand dollars, Dimoxinil, "Keep brain from freezing." Now I've got you, Simpson.
Homer, between your hair care products and new wardrobe, we're not saving anything for a rainy day?
Rainy day. There's never gonna be a be a rainy day, Marge. There's not a cloud in the Simpson sky. And what does my little girl want?
An absence of mood swings and some stability in my life.
Yea... eh... how about a pony?
I want you to weave that patented Simpson magic with my executives. A short speech, work work work, you know.
Uh, well okay, what the hey?
Excellent. Set you to your task, Simpson.
Mr. Burns, it is my sad duty to report that one of your executives has bilked the company insurance plan out of a thousand dollars.
What! Blast his hide to Hades! And I was going to buy that ivory back scratcher! How did he do it?
He charged the company for dimoxinil. It's a baldness cure.
Thank you very much, Professor Science! I know what dimoxinil is. Now go and make an example of this hooligan.
With pleasure, sir.
Karl, you gotta help me. Mr. Burns wants me to make some speech to his executives and -- what do you want?
Oh, just thought I'd drop by to tell you that... you're fired.
Our company does not look kindly upon one thousand dollars worth of insurance fraud. Clean out your desk by noon, Simpson.

Hey, there's something different about you, Homer. Did you lose some weight?

Yeah, you look like you got a tan or something.

I know what it is... a new tie.

Morons! Pathetic morons in my employ, stealing my precious money. This is hopeless! None of these cretins deserve a promotion.

Well, it's in the union contract, sir. One token promotion from within per year.

Wait. Who is that young go-getter?

Louder!

Well, it sort of looks like Homer Simpson, only more... dynamic and resourceful.

Simpson, eh? Hmmm. An unspoiled lump of clay to mold in my own image. Our new junior executive. Bring him to me.

Attention Homer Simpson. You have been promoted. You are now an executive. Take three minutes to say goodbye to your former friends and report to room 503 for reassignment to a better life.

Well, your resume seems in order. Besides typing and stuff, do you have any other qualifications I should know about?

I give great back rubs to harried executives. Here. Let me show you.

No, no, that'll be fine, thank you, goodbye.

Hello, Homie. How's my big important executive?

Oh Marge, every woman I interview for the secretary job makes kissy faces at me.

Hello, Mr. Simpson. I'm Karl.

He sounds good. Hire him.

I'll call you back, Marge.

Simpson! Meeting in the board room tomorrow at two. Just sit there and keep your mouth shut. Got it?

Yes, Mr. Smithers.

He thinks he's so big.

You don't belong here.

You don't belong here. You're a fraud and a phony and it's only a matter of time until they find you out.

Who told you?

You did! You told me with the way you slump your shoulders, the-the way you talk into your chest, the way you smother yourself in bargain basement lime-green polyester. I want you to say to yourself: I deserve this! I love it! I am nature's greatest miracle! Go ahead, say it.

I... I de...

Trust me, Homer.

I de...

Take a step and say it.

I deserve this.

I deserve this!

SHOUT IT!

I AM NATURE'S GREATEST MIRACLE!

I'll need three weeks vacation and moving expenses.

YOU GOT IT, BUDDY!

Let's go shopping.

Ooh. Beauty.

A man's suit should make him feel like a prince. It should cry out to the world, "Here I am! Don't judge me! Love me!"

Do any of these suits do that?

Ooh, I like this.

No, no, no, no. Stand naturally, Mr. Simpson. Let it all hang out.

You, conceal it.

Mom and Dad have been smooching again.

Gotta run, Marge. Can't be late.

Happy anniversary, Homer.

What? Our anniversary? Are you sure?

Don't worry, Homie. This year you have an excuse for not remembering, what with your job and --

Happy anniversary, Mrs. Homer Simpson. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, TO ME / YEAH! YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, TO ME / CAN'T YOU SEE / CAN'T YOU SEE...

Oh, Homer.

Can't you see!

Yes, sir. I hope I didn't overstep my bounds.

YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL... TO ME

I love you, Homer.

I love you, Karl -- Marge.

Proceed, Smithers.

Our first issue, sir, is our low productivity and record-high worker accident rate.

Any suggestions?

A round of layoffs might wake up the idiots.

We could put caffeine in the water cooler.

Well those are my ideas! You people don't think, you regurgitate. That's why I promoted someone who's in touch with the workers. You!

I think you mean him, sir.

You then! How would you improve the worker situation?

Well, sir, for one thing we had a problem every Tuesday, when the cafeteria would serve fish sticks.

Fish sticks? What in blazes are you talking about?

Well, sir, they cut the head off a fish and chop up the rest into sticks, and then put seasoned bread crumbs on them.

I know what fish sticks are! Get to the point!

Well, you only get this tiny little cup of tartar sauce to dip it in and I always run out.

Will you stop wasting our time, Simpson?

Shut up, Smithers. Can't you see what he's saying? A happy worker is a busy worker. Three cents worth of tartar sauce could save us thousands of man-hours in labor. I like the cut of your jib, Simpson. Let the fools have their tar-tar sauce!

Enjoy your tartar sauce, boys! Enjoy! Give me your plates. Don't crowd. Plenty for everybody.

Hmmm. Brilliant. Who could have ever imagined that Simpson's sweeping reforms would pay off so quickly?

You know, sir, accidents decreased by exactly the number that Simpson himself is known or suspected to have caused last month. And our output level was just as high during Simpson's last vacation.

My dear tired old Smithers, do I detect a note of jealousy?

It is time. Give Simpson the key.

Mr. Simpson, don't sit on that filthy thing one second longer! They've given you the key!

The key!

Stunning. Absolutely stunning.

Oh, hey ho, men. You know I was watching the DuMont last night and I happened to catch a fascinating documentary on Rommel, the Desert Fox. Now there's a man who could get things done.

Towel please, Simpson.

Allow me, sir.

I said, Simpson!

Sure thing, Mr. Burns.

Well done, Simpson. Now, walk behind me down the hallway.

Can do, sir.

A thousand dollars, Dimoxinil, "Keep brain from freezing." Now I've got you, Simpson.

Homer, between your hair care products and new wardrobe, we're not saving anything for a rainy day?

Rainy day. There's never gonna be a be a rainy day, Marge. There's not a cloud in the Simpson sky. And what does my little girl want?

An absence of mood swings and some stability in my life.

Yea... eh... how about a pony?

I want you to weave that patented Simpson magic with my executives. A short speech, work work work, you know.

Uh, well okay, what the hey?

Excellent. Set you to your task, Simpson.

Mr. Burns, it is my sad duty to report that one of your executives has bilked the company insurance plan out of a thousand dollars.

What! Blast his hide to Hades! And I was going to buy that ivory back scratcher! How did he do it?

He charged the company for dimoxinil. It's a baldness cure.

Thank you very much, Professor Science! I know what dimoxinil is. Now go and make an example of this hooligan.

With pleasure, sir.

Karl, you gotta help me. Mr. Burns wants me to make some speech to his executives and -- what do you want?

Oh, just thought I'd drop by to tell you that... you're fired.

Our company does not look kindly upon one thousand dollars worth of insurance fraud. Clean out your desk by noon, Simpson.