jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Wait! Mr. Smithers, Homer Simpson is innocent. I did this.
You did?
What are you talking about?
Mr. Simpson was unaware of any impropriety. I take full responsibility.
Really. Oh, well then, you're fired... whoever you are.
Here's your thousand dollars.
Hey, what do you care if this guy's bald?
My reasons are my own.
Karl, you saved me. Why?
Have I done something extraordinary here today? No. I did what I was born to do, what any good soldier would have done when a live grenade threatened his commander. I threw myself upon it and bore its terrible brunt.
Well, thanks, Karl. I don't know what to say.
Just walk me to my car.
Bye, Karl. I'm gonna miss you.
Bye, Mr. Simpson.
Oh, Mr. Simpson, did you bring an umbrella today?
Whoa...
Hey, what's happenin', hip cats?
No way!
It's gotta be a fake!
It's like, realsville, Daddy-o.
Bart, what are you doing?
Why you little...
Boy must die.
I love you, Dad.
Dirty trick. Okay, I'm not gonna kill you, but I'm gonna tell you three things that are gonna haunt you for the rest of your days. You ruined your father. You've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary.
Homer, why don't you just call the pharmacy and --
I don't have a thousand bucks! But you do, don't you, Marge? You do... you do. You've been squirreling it away, haven't you? Saving it for a rainy day, that's what you said, right? Right? Right?
Dad is taking this in a less than heroic fashion.
Oh Homie, I'm so sorry.
You've got that big speech in five minutes, Simpson. Huh, you're not gonna hang yourself, are you?
Dear Mr. Simpson: I have taken the liberty of preparing your speech on the enclosed numbered three-by five cards. All the big words are spelled phon-et-ic-al-ly. God bless you. You are one of Springfield's very special creatures. Your obedient servant, Karl. Good luck, sir.
Karl! So that wasn't just a sweet voice I heard inside my head. What are you doing here?
I just came to say goodbye to the gals in the typing pool.
Yeah, well, thanks for the speech, Karl, but I can't give it. Look at me!
I guess I haven't taught you anything.
What do you mean?
Don't you see? The tartar sauce, the bathroom key -- drying your boss's hands. You did it all! It was never the hair. You did it, because you believed you could, and you still can.
No, I can't. I'm just a big fool.
Oh no, you're not.
How do you know?
Because my mother taught me never to kiss a fool.
Now go get 'em, tiger.
And now, with some fresh insights, one of the rising young stars of our nuclear family, Homer Simpson.
What in blazes? Who is that old geezer? And what has he done with Homer Simpson?
He is Homer Simpson, sir.
A lot of you would think I was crazy if I did this.
He's crazy!
Yet we at this power plant are doing this every hour of every day. Bloated inventories, outmoded production methods -- I can save this company millions of dollars a year. How? Through Jiko Kanri, the Japanese art of self-management. You see, in the West... the long term benefits more than offsetting the one-time cost... for a net savings of...
Five thousand two... I mean... Lots of money.
Mr. Burns' office. Right now.
Dead man comin' through.
Well, well, well! Our dashing young junior executive! You made a hollow mockery of our morning meeting, Simpson. I should fire you on the spot! But I'm not going to.
Uh, why?
Simpson, how old do you think I am?
I don't know... a hundred and two?
I am only eighty-one. You may find this hard to believe... but in my salad days, my crowning glory was a bright shock of strawberry blond curls.
Ooh, I was big man on campus until my senior year, when I became as bald as a plucked chicken. You see, Simpson, I too know the sting of male-pattern baldness. That's why I'm giving you your old job back.
What! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you.
Now get out of here before I reconsider.
Oh, better hurry up.
Homer, are you still awake?
I've never been more awake in my life.
What's wrong?
Are you kidding? I'm stuck in that dead-end job again. The kids are gonna hate me cause I can't buy them all that stuff I promised 'em, and you're not gonna love me as much cause I'm ugly and bald.
Oh, Homer. Your job has always put food on our table, and the kids'll get over it.
And... and?! What about loving me?
Oh, Homer, honey. Come here.
Come here. "YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL TO ME / YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL TO ME / CAN'T YOU SEE? / YOU'RE EVERYTHING THAT I HOPED FOR /
I'M EVERYTHING YOU NEED /
HOMER MARGE
to me."
Hello, everyone. You know, Halloween is a very strange holiday. Personally, I don't understand it. Kids worshiping ghosts, pretending to be devils... things on T.V. that are completely inappropriate for younger viewers. Things like the following half hour. Nothing seems to bother my kids, but tonight's show, which I totally wash my hands of, is really scary, so if you have sensitive children, maybe you should tuck them into bed early tonight, instead of writing us angry letters tomorrow. Thanks for your attention.
Oooo! What a haul this year. I love Halloween.
Wait a minute. Let's see what the kids are up to.
... and the policeman on the other end of the phone said, "We have traced the call. It's coming from the floor below you. Get out of the house!" But it was too late. End of story.
Yawn. I heard that when I was in the third grade. It's not scary.
Is too.
Is not.
Is too.
Is not.
Is too.
Is not.
Fine. Then you tell one scarier.
Flashlight, please.
Here's a story that's really scarifying.
Oh, brother.
I call it "Bad Dream House."
That's all of it. Sign here.
There you are, my man. And a dollar for yourself.
A buck! I'm glad there's a curse on this place.
Huh? Well... it's all ours!
I still can't believe how inexpensive it was.
Motivated seller, Marge.
Well, he certainly must have been motivated. Prime location, eighteen bedrooms, moat... we shouldn't be able to afford this.
So we got a good deal for once. Quit fighting it.
It just seems too good to be true.
Ow! Mom! Bart threw a book at me.
Did not.
Did too.
Did not.

Wait! Mr. Smithers, Homer Simpson is innocent. I did this.

You did?

What are you talking about?

Mr. Simpson was unaware of any impropriety. I take full responsibility.

Really. Oh, well then, you're fired... whoever you are.

Here's your thousand dollars.

Hey, what do you care if this guy's bald?

My reasons are my own.

Karl, you saved me. Why?

Have I done something extraordinary here today? No. I did what I was born to do, what any good soldier would have done when a live grenade threatened his commander. I threw myself upon it and bore its terrible brunt.

Well, thanks, Karl. I don't know what to say.

Just walk me to my car.

Bye, Karl. I'm gonna miss you.

Bye, Mr. Simpson.

Oh, Mr. Simpson, did you bring an umbrella today?

Whoa...

Hey, what's happenin', hip cats?

No way!

It's gotta be a fake!

It's like, realsville, Daddy-o.

Bart, what are you doing?

Why you little...

Boy must die.

I love you, Dad.

Dirty trick. Okay, I'm not gonna kill you, but I'm gonna tell you three things that are gonna haunt you for the rest of your days. You ruined your father. You've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary.

Homer, why don't you just call the pharmacy and --

I don't have a thousand bucks! But you do, don't you, Marge? You do... you do. You've been squirreling it away, haven't you? Saving it for a rainy day, that's what you said, right? Right? Right?

Dad is taking this in a less than heroic fashion.

Oh Homie, I'm so sorry.

You've got that big speech in five minutes, Simpson. Huh, you're not gonna hang yourself, are you?

Dear Mr. Simpson: I have taken the liberty of preparing your speech on the enclosed numbered three-by five cards. All the big words are spelled phon-et-ic-al-ly. God bless you. You are one of Springfield's very special creatures. Your obedient servant, Karl. Good luck, sir.

Karl! So that wasn't just a sweet voice I heard inside my head. What are you doing here?

I just came to say goodbye to the gals in the typing pool.

Yeah, well, thanks for the speech, Karl, but I can't give it. Look at me!

I guess I haven't taught you anything.

What do you mean?

Don't you see? The tartar sauce, the bathroom key -- drying your boss's hands. You did it all! It was never the hair. You did it, because you believed you could, and you still can.

No, I can't. I'm just a big fool.

Oh no, you're not.

How do you know?

Because my mother taught me never to kiss a fool.

Now go get 'em, tiger.

And now, with some fresh insights, one of the rising young stars of our nuclear family, Homer Simpson.

What in blazes? Who is that old geezer? And what has he done with Homer Simpson?

He is Homer Simpson, sir.

A lot of you would think I was crazy if I did this.

He's crazy!

Yet we at this power plant are doing this every hour of every day. Bloated inventories, outmoded production methods -- I can save this company millions of dollars a year. How? Through Jiko Kanri, the Japanese art of self-management. You see, in the West... the long term benefits more than offsetting the one-time cost... for a net savings of...

Five thousand two... I mean... Lots of money.

Mr. Burns' office. Right now.

Dead man comin' through.

Well, well, well! Our dashing young junior executive! You made a hollow mockery of our morning meeting, Simpson. I should fire you on the spot! But I'm not going to.

Uh, why?

Simpson, how old do you think I am?

I don't know... a hundred and two?

I am only eighty-one. You may find this hard to believe... but in my salad days, my crowning glory was a bright shock of strawberry blond curls.

Ooh, I was big man on campus until my senior year, when I became as bald as a plucked chicken. You see, Simpson, I too know the sting of male-pattern baldness. That's why I'm giving you your old job back.

What! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you.

Now get out of here before I reconsider.

Oh, better hurry up.

Homer, are you still awake?

I've never been more awake in my life.

What's wrong?

Are you kidding? I'm stuck in that dead-end job again. The kids are gonna hate me cause I can't buy them all that stuff I promised 'em, and you're not gonna love me as much cause I'm ugly and bald.

Oh, Homer. Your job has always put food on our table, and the kids'll get over it.

And... and?! What about loving me?

Oh, Homer, honey. Come here.

Come here. "YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL TO ME / YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL TO ME / CAN'T YOU SEE? / YOU'RE EVERYTHING THAT I HOPED FOR /

I'M EVERYTHING YOU NEED /

HOMER MARGE

to me."

Hello, everyone. You know, Halloween is a very strange holiday. Personally, I don't understand it. Kids worshiping ghosts, pretending to be devils... things on T.V. that are completely inappropriate for younger viewers. Things like the following half hour. Nothing seems to bother my kids, but tonight's show, which I totally wash my hands of, is really scary, so if you have sensitive children, maybe you should tuck them into bed early tonight, instead of writing us angry letters tomorrow. Thanks for your attention.

Oooo! What a haul this year. I love Halloween.

Wait a minute. Let's see what the kids are up to.

... and the policeman on the other end of the phone said, "We have traced the call. It's coming from the floor below you. Get out of the house!" But it was too late. End of story.

Yawn. I heard that when I was in the third grade. It's not scary.

Is too.

Is not.

Is too.

Is not.

Is too.

Is not.

Fine. Then you tell one scarier.

Flashlight, please.

Here's a story that's really scarifying.

Oh, brother.

I call it "Bad Dream House."

That's all of it. Sign here.

There you are, my man. And a dollar for yourself.

A buck! I'm glad there's a curse on this place.

Huh? Well... it's all ours!

I still can't believe how inexpensive it was.

Motivated seller, Marge.

Well, he certainly must have been motivated. Prime location, eighteen bedrooms, moat... we shouldn't be able to afford this.

So we got a good deal for once. Quit fighting it.

It just seems too good to be true.

Ow! Mom! Bart threw a book at me.

Did not.

Did too.

Did not.