jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!
Quoth the Raven,
Nevermore.
Why you little --!
Come back here now, Raven
Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore.
And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting, On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor, Shall be lifted -- nevermore!
Lisa, that wasn't scary. Not even for a poem.
Well, it was written in 1845. Maybe people were easier to scare back then.
Well yeah, like when you look at "Friday The 13th, Part I," it's pretty tame by today's standards.
Children, bedtime.
I guess I'll have no trouble gettin' to sleep tonight.
Oh no, Marge. Come on, please.
Homer, I am not sleeping with the lights on. They're just children's stories. They can't hurt you.
Oh... oh, I hate Halloween.
So kids, caught anything?
Not yet, sir.
Uh-huh. Ah, What are you using for bait?
My brother's using worms but I who feel that tranquility far outweighs the actual catching of fish, am using nothing.
I see. And uh, what's your name, son?
I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
I'm Dave Shutton. I'm an investigative reporter who's on the road a lot, and uh, I must say that in my day we didn't talk that way to our elders.
Well, this is my day and we do, sir.
All right! We eat tonight!
Wait a minute. One, two, three.
Well leave it to good old Mary Bailey to finally step in and do something about that hideous genetic mutation.
Mary Bailey. Well, if I was governor, I'd sure find better things to do with my time.
Like getting Washington's birthday and Lincoln's birthday back as separate paid holidays. President's Day! Pfft. What a rip-off! I bust my butt day in and day out --
You're late for work, Homer.
So... Someone will punch in for me.
Try not to spill anything, Dad.
Keep those mutants comin', Homer.
I'll mutant you.
Oh, man. Plain cake donuts? Thanks for taking all the fancies, guys. Why can't I ever get here on time?
Hi, ho, faceless employees. In a few moments the government inspection team will be touring your plant so look busy and keep your mouths shut. That is all.
Very stirring, sir.
Uh oh. Here they come.
Hold me, Smithers.
Okay men, Geiger counters on.
I suppose that's normal background radiation? The kind you would find in any well-maintained nuclear facility? Or, for that matter, playgrounds and hospitals.
Gum used to seal crack in cooling tower.
I'm as shocked as you are.
Plutonium rod used as paperweight.
Now, that shouldn't be.
Yeah. Well that's always been like that.
Uh, uh, just resting my eyes.
Ah, well done. A rested employee is a vigilant employee.
Monitoring station unmanned.
Look here, Inspector. Could I speak to you privately I-in my office?
Oh, look! Some careless person has left thousands and thousands of dollars just lying here on my coffee table. Uh, Smithers, why don't we leave the room and hopefully, when we return the pile of money will be gone.
Look Smithers, the money and a very stupid man are still here.
Burns, if I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to bribe me.
Is there some confusion about this?
Take it! Take it, take it, you poor schmoe.
Mr. Burns, I am going to overlook this felony. However, I will not overlook the three hundred and forty-two violations I have observed at your plant today. Either bring this place up to code or we'll shut it down. Good-day.
Oh, well... a little dab of paint here, a little spackle there... how much could it possibly cost to fix this place up?
Hmmm, approximately fifty-six million dollars, sir.
Fifty-six million!
Don't hit me, sir.
Oh, that I had the strength to take it out on you, Smithers. Now please go. I would be alone.
ONCE I BUILT A RAILROAD / MADE IT RUN / MADE IT RACE AGAINST TIME/ ONCE I BUILT A RAILROAD / NOW IT'S DONE / BROTHER CAN YOU SPARE A DIME./ HALF A MILLION BOOTS WENT SLOGGING THROUGH HELL / I WAS THE KID WITH THE DRUM.
Empty! Bah!!
Ah! Uh... I'm just resting my eyes. Holy moly! Nine-thirty.
Hello, Marge. Sorry I didn't call but it's been a madhouse down here... Yeah, these twelve hour days are killin' me.
Echo, echo...
HEY DON'T YOU REMEMBER / THEY CALLED ME AL / IT WAS AL ALL THE TIME / HEY DON'T YOU REMEMBER / I'M YOUR PAL / BUDDY, CAN'T YOU SPARE A DIME.
Huh? What th... Uh, Mr. Burns?
Sorry, sir. It's just me, Homer Simpson. Is everything all right?
Working late, Simpson?
Uh... uh yes, sir.
You and I are a dying breed, Simpson. I'm going to share something with you. Hop in.
Ooooh, cushy.
Homer, they're trying to shut us down.
They say we're contaminating the planet.
Well, nobody's perfect.
Why can't the government just get off our backs?
You know, I was just telling the wife that if I was governor, I'd do things a lot differently.
Oh, get off your soapbox, Simpson! Do you realize how much it costs to run for office? More than any honest man can afford.
I bet you could afford it, though.
Uh... don't get me wrong. I mean you're an honest man. I just meant that you could afford to run for governor, if you felt like it. 'Course I'm just rambling because... uh... because you keep staring at me like that, but, but it's true. I mean, if you were governor, you could decide what's safe and what isn't.
Where are we going, sir?
To create a new and better world.
If it's on the way, could you drop me off at my house?
Well, he's got my vote.
Homer, we're a Mary Bailey family.
Mary Bailey isn't going to fire me if I don't vote for her. I'm for Monty Burns.
Oooo, a political discussion at our table. I feel like a Kennedy.
Well, frankly, I don't see how one of the most despicable men who ever lived has a chance against Mary Bailey, the most beloved governor our great state has ever known.
Now, here's the problem as I see it: While Governor Bailey is beloved by all, ninety-eight percent of the voters rate you as despicable or worse. That's why we've assembled the finest campaign team money can buy. This is your speech writer...
Huh uh.
your joke writer...
Huh uh.
your spin doctor...
Huh uh.
your make-up man...
and your personal trainer.
Their job... to turn this Mr. Burns...
...into this.
Why are my teeth showing like that?
Because you're smiling.

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!

Quoth the Raven,

Nevermore.

Why you little --!

Come back here now, Raven

Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore.

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting, On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor, Shall be lifted -- nevermore!

Lisa, that wasn't scary. Not even for a poem.

Well, it was written in 1845. Maybe people were easier to scare back then.

Well yeah, like when you look at "Friday The 13th, Part I," it's pretty tame by today's standards.

Children, bedtime.

I guess I'll have no trouble gettin' to sleep tonight.

Oh no, Marge. Come on, please.

Homer, I am not sleeping with the lights on. They're just children's stories. They can't hurt you.

Oh... oh, I hate Halloween.

So kids, caught anything?

Not yet, sir.

Uh-huh. Ah, What are you using for bait?

My brother's using worms but I who feel that tranquility far outweighs the actual catching of fish, am using nothing.

I see. And uh, what's your name, son?

I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?

I'm Dave Shutton. I'm an investigative reporter who's on the road a lot, and uh, I must say that in my day we didn't talk that way to our elders.

Well, this is my day and we do, sir.

All right! We eat tonight!

Wait a minute. One, two, three.

Well leave it to good old Mary Bailey to finally step in and do something about that hideous genetic mutation.

Mary Bailey. Well, if I was governor, I'd sure find better things to do with my time.

Like getting Washington's birthday and Lincoln's birthday back as separate paid holidays. President's Day! Pfft. What a rip-off! I bust my butt day in and day out --

You're late for work, Homer.

So... Someone will punch in for me.

Try not to spill anything, Dad.

Keep those mutants comin', Homer.

I'll mutant you.

Oh, man. Plain cake donuts? Thanks for taking all the fancies, guys. Why can't I ever get here on time?

Hi, ho, faceless employees. In a few moments the government inspection team will be touring your plant so look busy and keep your mouths shut. That is all.

Very stirring, sir.

Uh oh. Here they come.

Hold me, Smithers.

Okay men, Geiger counters on.

I suppose that's normal background radiation? The kind you would find in any well-maintained nuclear facility? Or, for that matter, playgrounds and hospitals.

Gum used to seal crack in cooling tower.

I'm as shocked as you are.

Plutonium rod used as paperweight.

Now, that shouldn't be.

Yeah. Well that's always been like that.

Uh, uh, just resting my eyes.

Ah, well done. A rested employee is a vigilant employee.

Monitoring station unmanned.

Look here, Inspector. Could I speak to you privately I-in my office?

Oh, look! Some careless person has left thousands and thousands of dollars just lying here on my coffee table. Uh, Smithers, why don't we leave the room and hopefully, when we return the pile of money will be gone.

Look Smithers, the money and a very stupid man are still here.

Burns, if I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to bribe me.

Is there some confusion about this?

Take it! Take it, take it, you poor schmoe.

Mr. Burns, I am going to overlook this felony. However, I will not overlook the three hundred and forty-two violations I have observed at your plant today. Either bring this place up to code or we'll shut it down. Good-day.

Oh, well... a little dab of paint here, a little spackle there... how much could it possibly cost to fix this place up?

Hmmm, approximately fifty-six million dollars, sir.

Fifty-six million!

Don't hit me, sir.

Oh, that I had the strength to take it out on you, Smithers. Now please go. I would be alone.

ONCE I BUILT A RAILROAD / MADE IT RUN / MADE IT RACE AGAINST TIME/ ONCE I BUILT A RAILROAD / NOW IT'S DONE / BROTHER CAN YOU SPARE A DIME./ HALF A MILLION BOOTS WENT SLOGGING THROUGH HELL / I WAS THE KID WITH THE DRUM.

Empty! Bah!!

Ah! Uh... I'm just resting my eyes. Holy moly! Nine-thirty.

Hello, Marge. Sorry I didn't call but it's been a madhouse down here... Yeah, these twelve hour days are killin' me.

Echo, echo...

HEY DON'T YOU REMEMBER / THEY CALLED ME AL / IT WAS AL ALL THE TIME / HEY DON'T YOU REMEMBER / I'M YOUR PAL / BUDDY, CAN'T YOU SPARE A DIME.

Huh? What th... Uh, Mr. Burns?

Sorry, sir. It's just me, Homer Simpson. Is everything all right?

Working late, Simpson?

Uh... uh yes, sir.

You and I are a dying breed, Simpson. I'm going to share something with you. Hop in.

Ooooh, cushy.

Homer, they're trying to shut us down.

They say we're contaminating the planet.

Well, nobody's perfect.

Why can't the government just get off our backs?

You know, I was just telling the wife that if I was governor, I'd do things a lot differently.

Oh, get off your soapbox, Simpson! Do you realize how much it costs to run for office? More than any honest man can afford.

I bet you could afford it, though.

Uh... don't get me wrong. I mean you're an honest man. I just meant that you could afford to run for governor, if you felt like it. 'Course I'm just rambling because... uh... because you keep staring at me like that, but, but it's true. I mean, if you were governor, you could decide what's safe and what isn't.

Where are we going, sir?

To create a new and better world.

If it's on the way, could you drop me off at my house?

Well, he's got my vote.

Homer, we're a Mary Bailey family.

Mary Bailey isn't going to fire me if I don't vote for her. I'm for Monty Burns.

Oooo, a political discussion at our table. I feel like a Kennedy.

Well, frankly, I don't see how one of the most despicable men who ever lived has a chance against Mary Bailey, the most beloved governor our great state has ever known.

Now, here's the problem as I see it: While Governor Bailey is beloved by all, ninety-eight percent of the voters rate you as despicable or worse. That's why we've assembled the finest campaign team money can buy. This is your speech writer...

Huh uh.

your joke writer...

Huh uh.

your spin doctor...

Huh uh.

your make-up man...

and your personal trainer.

Their job... to turn this Mr. Burns...

...into this.

Why are my teeth showing like that?

Because you're smiling.