jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Ah. Excellent. This is exactly the kind of trickery I'm paying you for. But, but how do we turn your average Joe Sixpack against Mary Bailey?
With this team of investigators: your muckraker...
How do you do.
Your character assassin...
Nice to meet you.
your mudslinger...
your garbologist.
Their job is to turn Mary Bailey from this...into this.
Visual aids help so much. Thank you.
But first, there's a burning issue that we need to address and neutralize immediately.
I hate that fish!
Thank you for watching Movie for a Dreary Afternoon. Please stay tuned for a paid political announcement brought to you by the Friends of Montgomery Burns.
Burns! Change the channel.
You change it.
No, you change it.
I changed it last week.
Fine. Be a jerk. Then we'll just sit here and watch it.
Oh, no. An election! That's one of those deals where they close the bars, isn't it?
Sorry, Barney.
I wonder if he's going to say anything about that horrible fish.
Oh, Marge. What's the big deal? I bet before the papers blew this out of proportion, you didn't even know how many eyes a fish had.
Thirty seconds to air, Mr. Burns.
Now, remember to smile.
I am smiling.
You'll have to do better than that.
How's this?
There you go.
I'm going to be sore tomorrow.
Well, we've done all we can, Mr. Burns. The rest is up to you.
Oh, don't worry --
-- by the time this paid political announcement is done, every Johnny Lunchpail in this whole stupid state will be eating out of my hand.
Oh, hello friends. I'm Montgomery Burns, your next governor, and I'm here to talk to you about my little friend, here. Blinky.
Many of you consider him to be a hideous genetic mutation. Nothing could be further from the truth. But don't take my word for it. Let's ask an actor portraying Charles Darwin what he thinks.
Hello, Mr. Burns.
Oh hello, Charles. Be a good fellow and tell our viewers about your theory of natural selection.
Glad to, Mr. Burns. You see, every so often Mother Nature changes her animals giving them bigger teeth, sharper claws, longer legs or, in this case, a third eye. And if these variations turn out to be an improvement, the new animals thrive and multiply and spread across the face of the earth.
So... you're saying this fish might have an advantage over other fish. It may, in fact, be a kind of super fish!
I wouldn't mind having a third eye, would you?
No. You see, friends... if our anti-nuclear naysayers and choose-up-siders were to come upon an elephant frolicking in the waters next to our nuclear power plant, they'd probably blame his ridiculous nose on the nuclear bogeyman.
The truth is this fish is a miracle of nature with a taste that can't be beat. Mmmm mmmm. So, to summarize: Say what you want about me. I can take the slings and arrows. But stop slandering poor, defenseless Blinky. Good night and God bless.
ONLY A MORON/ WOULDN'T CAST HIS VOTE/FOR MONTY BURNS.
Wow! Super fish!
I wish the government would get off his back.
That Burns is just what this state needs... young blood.
I hope Burns and I can count on your support, honey.
Homer... I'm a Bailey Booster.
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a Burns Booster. Ow!
Congratulations, Mr. Burns. The latest polls show you're up six points.
Giving me a total of...
Six. But we're on our way!
My worthy opponent seems to think that the voters of this state are gullible fools. I, however, prefer to rely on their intelligence and good judgment.
And I say taxes are too high!
Have you found any dirt on Mary Bailey?
Well, we've gone through her garbage...
We've talked to her maid...
And so far, the only negative thing we have found is from some guy who dated her when she was sixteen.
Ah, and?
He felt her up.
Bah! Not good enough!
We're gonna send - a message - to those bureaucrats - down there in the State Capital!
Is your boss Governor yet?
Not yet, son. Not yet.
The voters now see you as imperial and God-like.
Hot dog!
But there's a downside to it. The latest polls indicate you're in danger of losing touch with the common man.
Oh, dear. Heaven forefend.
Which is why the night before the election, we want you to have dinner at the home of one of your workers.
Oh. I get your angle. Every Joe Meatball and Sally Housecoat in this God-forsaken state will see me hunkering down for chow with Eddie Punchclock. The media will have a field day!
The only question is -- can we find someone common enough...
Well, I... I knew there would be sacrifices.
Ah... great toast, Marge. Hmmm. Oh, by the way, the night before the election Mr. Burns is coming over for dinner.
And some reporters and camera crews, but you don't need to feed them.
Cool man! A media circus.
Absolutely not!
Come on, Marge.
Huh uh. I'm going to be ringing doorbells for Mary Bailey that night.
Kids, please leave the room. I don't want you to see this.
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
We're hoping that one of the children might pop up with a question about the upcoming election. Little girl, do you think you can memorize this by dinner time tomorrow?
"Mr. Burns, your campaign seems to have the momentum of a runaway freight train. Why are you so popular?"
Very good.
Hmmm. Well as long as I'm asking something, can I ask him to assuage my fears that he's contaminating the planet in a manner that may one day render it uninhabitable?
No, dear. The card question will be fine.
Well I think the non-card question is a valid one.
Marge! Don't worry. My daughter's very bright, I'm sure she'll be able to memorize your question by dinner time tomorrow.
Only an innocent child could get away with such blasphemy. God bless them all. Amen.
And finally, Mr. Burns wants you to appear very affectionate to him. But we must remind you, he hates being touched.
Marge, get back in bed.
No, I'm just fine right here.
What's wrong? I just want to snuggle.
Well, I don't feel like snuggling.
What's that got to do with it?
I don't want to snuggle with anybody who's not letting me express myself.
But you do get to express yourself. In the lovely home you keep, and the food you serve.
Okay, Homer. Fair enough. You got it! All right! Good! That's it. That's how I'm gonna express myself. That's right. Goodnight.
Well, what do we think?
Hey! Hello, handsome!
Hey, get that stuff off his face. We're here to have dinner with the common man, not Tyrone Power.
The latest polls are in. It's dead even -- fifty-fifty. This cornball stunt is gonna put us over the top.
Whoa! He's here!

Ah. Excellent. This is exactly the kind of trickery I'm paying you for. But, but how do we turn your average Joe Sixpack against Mary Bailey?

With this team of investigators: your muckraker...

How do you do.

Your character assassin...

Nice to meet you.

your mudslinger...

your garbologist.

Their job is to turn Mary Bailey from this...into this.

Visual aids help so much. Thank you.

But first, there's a burning issue that we need to address and neutralize immediately.

I hate that fish!

Thank you for watching Movie for a Dreary Afternoon. Please stay tuned for a paid political announcement brought to you by the Friends of Montgomery Burns.

Burns! Change the channel.

You change it.

No, you change it.

I changed it last week.

Fine. Be a jerk. Then we'll just sit here and watch it.

Oh, no. An election! That's one of those deals where they close the bars, isn't it?

Sorry, Barney.

I wonder if he's going to say anything about that horrible fish.

Oh, Marge. What's the big deal? I bet before the papers blew this out of proportion, you didn't even know how many eyes a fish had.

Thirty seconds to air, Mr. Burns.

Now, remember to smile.

I am smiling.

You'll have to do better than that.

How's this?

There you go.

I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

Well, we've done all we can, Mr. Burns. The rest is up to you.

Oh, don't worry --

-- by the time this paid political announcement is done, every Johnny Lunchpail in this whole stupid state will be eating out of my hand.

Oh, hello friends. I'm Montgomery Burns, your next governor, and I'm here to talk to you about my little friend, here. Blinky.

Many of you consider him to be a hideous genetic mutation. Nothing could be further from the truth. But don't take my word for it. Let's ask an actor portraying Charles Darwin what he thinks.

Hello, Mr. Burns.

Oh hello, Charles. Be a good fellow and tell our viewers about your theory of natural selection.

Glad to, Mr. Burns. You see, every so often Mother Nature changes her animals giving them bigger teeth, sharper claws, longer legs or, in this case, a third eye. And if these variations turn out to be an improvement, the new animals thrive and multiply and spread across the face of the earth.

So... you're saying this fish might have an advantage over other fish. It may, in fact, be a kind of super fish!

I wouldn't mind having a third eye, would you?

No. You see, friends... if our anti-nuclear naysayers and choose-up-siders were to come upon an elephant frolicking in the waters next to our nuclear power plant, they'd probably blame his ridiculous nose on the nuclear bogeyman.

The truth is this fish is a miracle of nature with a taste that can't be beat. Mmmm mmmm. So, to summarize: Say what you want about me. I can take the slings and arrows. But stop slandering poor, defenseless Blinky. Good night and God bless.

ONLY A MORON/ WOULDN'T CAST HIS VOTE/FOR MONTY BURNS.

Wow! Super fish!

I wish the government would get off his back.

That Burns is just what this state needs... young blood.

I hope Burns and I can count on your support, honey.

Homer... I'm a Bailey Booster.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a Burns Booster. Ow!

Congratulations, Mr. Burns. The latest polls show you're up six points.

Giving me a total of...

Six. But we're on our way!

My worthy opponent seems to think that the voters of this state are gullible fools. I, however, prefer to rely on their intelligence and good judgment.

And I say taxes are too high!

Have you found any dirt on Mary Bailey?

Well, we've gone through her garbage...

We've talked to her maid...

And so far, the only negative thing we have found is from some guy who dated her when she was sixteen.

Ah, and?

He felt her up.

Bah! Not good enough!

We're gonna send - a message - to those bureaucrats - down there in the State Capital!

Is your boss Governor yet?

Not yet, son. Not yet.

The voters now see you as imperial and God-like.

Hot dog!

But there's a downside to it. The latest polls indicate you're in danger of losing touch with the common man.

Oh, dear. Heaven forefend.

Which is why the night before the election, we want you to have dinner at the home of one of your workers.

Oh. I get your angle. Every Joe Meatball and Sally Housecoat in this God-forsaken state will see me hunkering down for chow with Eddie Punchclock. The media will have a field day!

The only question is -- can we find someone common enough...

Well, I... I knew there would be sacrifices.

Ah... great toast, Marge. Hmmm. Oh, by the way, the night before the election Mr. Burns is coming over for dinner.

And some reporters and camera crews, but you don't need to feed them.

Cool man! A media circus.

Absolutely not!

Come on, Marge.

Huh uh. I'm going to be ringing doorbells for Mary Bailey that night.

Kids, please leave the room. I don't want you to see this.

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.

We're hoping that one of the children might pop up with a question about the upcoming election. Little girl, do you think you can memorize this by dinner time tomorrow?

"Mr. Burns, your campaign seems to have the momentum of a runaway freight train. Why are you so popular?"

Very good.

Hmmm. Well as long as I'm asking something, can I ask him to assuage my fears that he's contaminating the planet in a manner that may one day render it uninhabitable?

No, dear. The card question will be fine.

Well I think the non-card question is a valid one.

Marge! Don't worry. My daughter's very bright, I'm sure she'll be able to memorize your question by dinner time tomorrow.

Only an innocent child could get away with such blasphemy. God bless them all. Amen.

And finally, Mr. Burns wants you to appear very affectionate to him. But we must remind you, he hates being touched.

Marge, get back in bed.

No, I'm just fine right here.

What's wrong? I just want to snuggle.

Well, I don't feel like snuggling.

What's that got to do with it?

I don't want to snuggle with anybody who's not letting me express myself.

But you do get to express yourself. In the lovely home you keep, and the food you serve.

Okay, Homer. Fair enough. You got it! All right! Good! That's it. That's how I'm gonna express myself. That's right. Goodnight.

Well, what do we think?

Hey! Hello, handsome!

Hey, get that stuff off his face. We're here to have dinner with the common man, not Tyrone Power.

The latest polls are in. It's dead even -- fifty-fifty. This cornball stunt is gonna put us over the top.

Whoa! He's here!