jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Yeah, you throw like me.
Ladies and gentlemen, to honor America, will you please rise for our National Anthem...sung tonight by Springfield's rhythm `n' blues sensation, "Bleeding Gums" Murphy.
Hi-de-hi, Springfield! Dan Hoard, mikeside. Tonight -- our Isotopes take on the pesky Shelbyville Shelbyvillians. The 'Topes are looking to snap that darn twenty-six game losing streak, longest in professional baseball. How 'bout that? -- Our sleepy town is in the record book!
Ah, sitting with the employees. I guess this proves I'm their friend. You did get me something on an aisle, Smithers? I don't want to be surrounded by them.
Let's go now... Sa-winggg, batter!
We want a pitcher / Not a belly itcher!
We want a catcher / Not a belly scratcher!
Here we are, sir.
Oh, no. Marge, sitting next to the boss -- the best night of the year, and it's ruined! Of all the lousy, rotten... this stinks...
All this means is you can't wave your fanny in public.
Rub it in.
Beeer heah! Duff Beeer
VENDOR HOMER
Get your Duff Beer
heah! Beer, right Beer. Didja hear
here! Duff Beer! that, Marge?
Delicious frosty beer. Fat lot of good that does me, sitting next to old man Burns.
Now, Homer.
I suppose you want a beer?
Me, sir? Oh, no. Not a chance. Only idiots drink beer.
Actually, I was wondering if you'd join me. My treat.
Ohhh. Well, if someone of your stature can enjoy a beer, maybe I'm all turned around on the subject. Wait a minute, we're not having a drug test tomorrow, are we?
No. Vendor, two, please.
Two-fifty.
THE HITTER'S OFF HIS ROCKER / KISSING BETTY CROCKER!
Good one, sir.
Oh well, I used to rile the late, great Connie Mack with that one at old Shibe Park.
LITTLE BABY BATTER / CAN'T CONTROL HIS BLADDER!
Will you shut up, I'm trying to think of a name.
Hmmm. Crude, but I like it. What do you say we freshen up our little drinkie poos?
Don't mind if I do.
Well, Simpsie, you up for another wave?
All right, Burnsie.
Bases loaded. 'Topes have one out, down by three. Here's the pitch. Swung on and missed! Strike three. Of course.
Damnation! These banjos couldn't carry Pie Traynor's glove.
Big Bill McCloskey coming up. As soon as he pops out, we'll go right to the post-game show.
C'mon! All we need is a grand slam.
My one game of the year... ruined by pathetic incompetence.
What's wrong with you people? Let's show some spirit! Come on, get up!
Your team needs you! C'mon!!!
As I got up in front of them, I felt an intoxication that had nothing to do with alcohol. It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle.
... There's some nut down in right field, dancin' up a storm! He's really got the crowd goin'. Let's see if he can shake up mediocre slugger "Big Bill" McCloskey.
Swung on and belted to deep left field! It's going... going...
It's gone! It's outta here! Oh, my God, the Isotopes win a game! The Isotopes win a game! The Isotopes win a game!
Well, that was certainly exciting.
Yes. Unfortunately, Homer Simpson's shameless display of exhibitionism tainted the entire evening. I want him banned for life from all company outings.
I thank you. You're too kind. Glad you enjoyed it, but I can't take all the credit. The batter did his part, too.
Excuse me... You, sir -- the dancing fella. I'm Antoine "Tex" O'Hara. I own the Isotopes. Would you be interested in becoming our official mascot?
M-- me? A mascot for a bush league team?
I should have slept on it. Or at least stared blankly for a while. Perhaps if I'd been unable to think of a nickname, all our lives might have been spared.
Well, I'm ready to punch in.
Oh, oh. Hey, cool, man.
Our lives have taken an odd turn.
Did the team ask you to dress like that, Homer?
Nope, this was my own bright idea. C'mon, we gotta hurry. Don't fill up on those vegetables, kids. Save room for your nachos.
For the first time in my life, people weren't laughing at me, they were laughing towards me.
'Topes win! 'Topes win! Two in a row! Two in a row!
A Simpson on a T-shirt. I never thought I'd see the day.
Oooh, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie. Woo, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie.
Hey, knock that off or I'll stick this bat where the sun don't shine.
Oh yeah? And where might that be? Oh.
Helen, I'm in a Caribbean mood tonight. How 'bout giving me "Baby Elephant Walk" with a little reggae kinda beat?
Go, "Dancin' Homer"! Git up man, git up!
Lively up yourself, Dancin' Homer.
Bases loaded, two outs. The good guys trail by a run.
Here's the pitch... swung on and missed -- strike three. 'Topes lose... 'Topes lose...'Topes lose...
You wanted to see me, "Tex"?
Homer, now we both knew when you began doing this you weren't gonna be here forever...
Oh, oh, oh, I get it. You can't fire the players, so you fire the mascot. You make me sick.
Homer, I'm not firing you. I just got the word -- You've been called up to Capital City.
Me? In the majors?
That's right.
Wait a minute, Capital City has a mascot. The greatest mascot there is: The Capital City "Goofball".
Yeah, but he's getting on in years and he needs someone to fill in for a couple of innings a night. Could be a big opportunity for you.
I'll say!
Why don't you talk it over with your family?
Because they might say no.
This was the biggest decision the Simpsons ever faced. I should've listened to the kids instead of my big dumb wife.
I shouldn't have called her that. Bite my tongue. Bite my tongue. Oooh.
I can't leave Springfield. I was born here and I thought I would die here.
It won't be so bad. You'll die someplace else.
Well, what am I supposed to do about friends?
Phfft. You'll make new and better friends.
But, Dad. We're simple people with simple values. Capital City is too big and too complex. Everyone in Springfield knows us and has forgiven us.
Homer, I'd be lying if I didn't say that this scares me a little. But we all have a calling, a reason The Almighty put us on this Earth. And yours might be to dance on dugouts.
You mean -- ?
Let's do it, Homer!
Yeah, let's blow this pop stand and never look back.
Whatever doesn't kill me can only make me stronger.
It's not that simple. I've got to convince my supervisor to give me a leave of absence.
Sure. What would you like -- four years? Five years?
So, Simpson. You're really moving to Capital City?
That's right, Ned.
Uh huh. And all this stuff is for sale, huh? You know, I-I-I... don't know how to say this, but, well...
Oh, knock it off, Flanders! Don't start blubbering on me. I'm gonna miss you too... not.
I don't know, Bart. I mean, I'm gonna miss you and all, but...
Come on, Milhouse. This way we'll be friends forever.
Well, okay.
I'm gonna miss you, spit brother.
I'm gonna miss you, spit brother.

Yeah, you throw like me.

Ladies and gentlemen, to honor America, will you please rise for our National Anthem...sung tonight by Springfield's rhythm `n' blues sensation, "Bleeding Gums" Murphy.

Hi-de-hi, Springfield! Dan Hoard, mikeside. Tonight -- our Isotopes take on the pesky Shelbyville Shelbyvillians. The 'Topes are looking to snap that darn twenty-six game losing streak, longest in professional baseball. How 'bout that? -- Our sleepy town is in the record book!

Ah, sitting with the employees. I guess this proves I'm their friend. You did get me something on an aisle, Smithers? I don't want to be surrounded by them.

Let's go now... Sa-winggg, batter!

We want a pitcher / Not a belly itcher!

We want a catcher / Not a belly scratcher!

Here we are, sir.

Oh, no. Marge, sitting next to the boss -- the best night of the year, and it's ruined! Of all the lousy, rotten... this stinks...

All this means is you can't wave your fanny in public.

Rub it in.

Beeer heah! Duff Beeer

VENDOR HOMER

Get your Duff Beer

heah! Beer, right Beer. Didja hear

here! Duff Beer! that, Marge?

Delicious frosty beer. Fat lot of good that does me, sitting next to old man Burns.

Now, Homer.

I suppose you want a beer?

Me, sir? Oh, no. Not a chance. Only idiots drink beer.

Actually, I was wondering if you'd join me. My treat.

Ohhh. Well, if someone of your stature can enjoy a beer, maybe I'm all turned around on the subject. Wait a minute, we're not having a drug test tomorrow, are we?

No. Vendor, two, please.

Two-fifty.

THE HITTER'S OFF HIS ROCKER / KISSING BETTY CROCKER!

Good one, sir.

Oh well, I used to rile the late, great Connie Mack with that one at old Shibe Park.

LITTLE BABY BATTER / CAN'T CONTROL HIS BLADDER!

Will you shut up, I'm trying to think of a name.

Hmmm. Crude, but I like it. What do you say we freshen up our little drinkie poos?

Don't mind if I do.

Well, Simpsie, you up for another wave?

All right, Burnsie.

Bases loaded. 'Topes have one out, down by three. Here's the pitch. Swung on and missed! Strike three. Of course.

Damnation! These banjos couldn't carry Pie Traynor's glove.

Big Bill McCloskey coming up. As soon as he pops out, we'll go right to the post-game show.

C'mon! All we need is a grand slam.

My one game of the year... ruined by pathetic incompetence.

What's wrong with you people? Let's show some spirit! Come on, get up!

Your team needs you! C'mon!!!

As I got up in front of them, I felt an intoxication that had nothing to do with alcohol. It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle.

... There's some nut down in right field, dancin' up a storm! He's really got the crowd goin'. Let's see if he can shake up mediocre slugger "Big Bill" McCloskey.

Swung on and belted to deep left field! It's going... going...

It's gone! It's outta here! Oh, my God, the Isotopes win a game! The Isotopes win a game! The Isotopes win a game!

Well, that was certainly exciting.

Yes. Unfortunately, Homer Simpson's shameless display of exhibitionism tainted the entire evening. I want him banned for life from all company outings.

I thank you. You're too kind. Glad you enjoyed it, but I can't take all the credit. The batter did his part, too.

Excuse me... You, sir -- the dancing fella. I'm Antoine "Tex" O'Hara. I own the Isotopes. Would you be interested in becoming our official mascot?

M-- me? A mascot for a bush league team?

I should have slept on it. Or at least stared blankly for a while. Perhaps if I'd been unable to think of a nickname, all our lives might have been spared.

Well, I'm ready to punch in.

Oh, oh. Hey, cool, man.

Our lives have taken an odd turn.

Did the team ask you to dress like that, Homer?

Nope, this was my own bright idea. C'mon, we gotta hurry. Don't fill up on those vegetables, kids. Save room for your nachos.

For the first time in my life, people weren't laughing at me, they were laughing towards me.

'Topes win! 'Topes win! Two in a row! Two in a row!

A Simpson on a T-shirt. I never thought I'd see the day.

Oooh, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie. Woo, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie.

Hey, knock that off or I'll stick this bat where the sun don't shine.

Oh yeah? And where might that be? Oh.

Helen, I'm in a Caribbean mood tonight. How 'bout giving me "Baby Elephant Walk" with a little reggae kinda beat?

Go, "Dancin' Homer"! Git up man, git up!

Lively up yourself, Dancin' Homer.

Bases loaded, two outs. The good guys trail by a run.

Here's the pitch... swung on and missed -- strike three. 'Topes lose... 'Topes lose...'Topes lose...

You wanted to see me, "Tex"?

Homer, now we both knew when you began doing this you weren't gonna be here forever...

Oh, oh, oh, I get it. You can't fire the players, so you fire the mascot. You make me sick.

Homer, I'm not firing you. I just got the word -- You've been called up to Capital City.

Me? In the majors?

That's right.

Wait a minute, Capital City has a mascot. The greatest mascot there is: The Capital City "Goofball".

Yeah, but he's getting on in years and he needs someone to fill in for a couple of innings a night. Could be a big opportunity for you.

I'll say!

Why don't you talk it over with your family?

Because they might say no.

This was the biggest decision the Simpsons ever faced. I should've listened to the kids instead of my big dumb wife.

I shouldn't have called her that. Bite my tongue. Bite my tongue. Oooh.

I can't leave Springfield. I was born here and I thought I would die here.

It won't be so bad. You'll die someplace else.

Well, what am I supposed to do about friends?

Phfft. You'll make new and better friends.

But, Dad. We're simple people with simple values. Capital City is too big and too complex. Everyone in Springfield knows us and has forgiven us.

Homer, I'd be lying if I didn't say that this scares me a little. But we all have a calling, a reason The Almighty put us on this Earth. And yours might be to dance on dugouts.

You mean -- ?

Let's do it, Homer!

Yeah, let's blow this pop stand and never look back.

Whatever doesn't kill me can only make me stronger.

It's not that simple. I've got to convince my supervisor to give me a leave of absence.

Sure. What would you like -- four years? Five years?

So, Simpson. You're really moving to Capital City?

That's right, Ned.

Uh huh. And all this stuff is for sale, huh? You know, I-I-I... don't know how to say this, but, well...

Oh, knock it off, Flanders! Don't start blubbering on me. I'm gonna miss you too... not.

I don't know, Bart. I mean, I'm gonna miss you and all, but...

Come on, Milhouse. This way we'll be friends forever.

Well, okay.

I'm gonna miss you, spit brother.