jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Will you stop it? She went out with the good one.
Shut up. I'm over as far as I can go!
All right, all right! I'll walk in the mud!
Yeah, you want a ride?
No. Yes, Bart.
You know Homer, when I got home, I realized who I should have gone to the prom with.
Who? Oh.
My prom date.
Marge, pour vous.
Why so glum?
I've got a problem. Once you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and then I'll never be able to let you go.
And I never have.
Hey, good evening, Hezron, Carver of Graven Images.
Ah, good evening, Homer the Thief. How is business?
Been a little slow these past few months. Not much to steal in the desert, you know.
Ah, do not worry, my friend. I figure we'll be wandering out here another two weeks, tops.
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
Ah, good evening, Zohar the Adulterer. My wife sends her warmest regards.
Ah, yes, she's a good woman. Very good.
Thank you, my lusty friend.
Ooh, Moses is back.
Quick, everybody look busy.
The Lord has handed down to us Ten Commandments by which to live. I will now read them in no particular order: Thou shalt not make any graven images.
Oh, my God!
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Ah, well. Looks like the party's over.
Hey, Moses, keep 'em comin'.
Thou shall not steal.
Sorry, Homer.
That is the most dishonest thing I've ever heard.
I should box your ears you, you, you... You Sneaky Pete!
Easy, tiger.
Hey, you easy. Now, get off my property! Off!
Hey, Flanders. Who put that bug up your butt?
Ohhh. I wanted to subscribe to that new Arts and Crafts Channel. Well, sir, they send over this flimflam man to install it, and do you know what he did? He offered to hook me up illegally to every cable channel for only fifty bucks.
Boy, what's this world coming to?
You know, that's exactly what I --
Gotta go.
Hey, stop, cable man! Stop!
What do you want?
I want free cable.
So this is okay, I mean everybody does it, right?
What? Oh, hey, if you're having second thoughts, just read this pamphlet.
So You've Decided To Steal Cable.
Uh-huh.
"Myth: Cable piracy is wrong. Fact: Cable companies are big faceless corporations, which makes it okay."
Cable. It's more wonderful than I dared hope.
Don't you hate it... when you go to the bathroom and... there's no toilet paper?
It's funny 'cause it's true!
Oh, hey, hey. Family, family, come here. I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable.
Cable? / Us? / Wow! / We have cable!
That's right. Sixty-eight channels. MTV for the kids. VH-1 for us. Sixteen hundred hours of quality programming every day!
Homer, we talked about cable before. Do you really think we can afford it?
Nothing a month? Yeah, I think we can swing that.
Are you sure this is legal?
Don't worry, Marge. Take a look at this.
"Myth: It's only fair to pay for quality first-run movies. Fact: Most movies shown on cable get two stars or less and are repeated ad nauseam." Hmm, well, I don't know.
Marge --
Hear Me Roar -- The Network For Women.
In the next half hour we'll show you how to cut your first aid bill in half by making your own bandaids.
Ooh. That's a good idea.
Now before we begin you'll need five yards of sterilized cotton...
El Mummeo le pone en el "Sleeper Hold". Donde esta los medicos de Mexico?
Oooo. Pro wrestling from Mexico. You know, down there it's a real sport.
Cool. This is where Jaws eats the boat.
Cool. This is where Die Hard jumps through the window.
Cool. This is where Wall Street gets arrested.
Mr. Speaker, if I could call your attention to the Retroactive Subsidy Appropriations Override Bill. I refer you to page four thousand five hundred and...
They must think people will watch anything.
Live from New Orleans -- this is the World Series of Cockfighting. Oh, son of a gun we'll have big fun on the bayou tonight...
We'd get there quicker if I drove my Dad's car.
I don't know, Davey.
Aren't you ready for church, Homer?
Huh, wha'? Oh, okay.
Now today's Christian doesn't think he needs God. He thinks he's got it made. He's got his hi-fi... his boob tube... and his instant pizza pie...
Oooh. Pizza.
All right, children. Now, I don't want you to get frightened, but it's my responsibility to teach you this. Today's topic will be "hell".
All right. I've sat through mercy and I've sat through forgiveness. Finally, we get to the good stuff.
Oh hell is a terrible place. Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket. There's a lake of fire burning with sulfur, you'll be tormented day and night forever and ever. As a matter of fact, if you actually saw Hell, you'd be so frightened, you would die.
Oh, Miss Albright.
Yes, Bart.
Are there pirates in hell?
So what you're saying is, there's a down side to the afterlife. How does one steer clear of this abode of the damned?
By obeying the Ten Commandments.
Ten simple rules that are easy to live by.
So, what did you children learn about today?
Well, that's what we learned about. I sure as hell can't tell you we learned about hell unless I say hell, can I?
The lad has a point.
Hell, yes.
Hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell.
Bart, you're no longer in Sunday School. Don't swear.
Hey, anybody up for a little so-called pay TV?
Dad, are you sure this isn't stealing?
Read the pamphlet, honey.
Oh, goody! A program-length advertisements!
Wait a minute, Troy. I'm a little confused. Did you say, "cleans and straightens"?
Thank you, Troy. Hi everybody!
Now for if I had a volunteer. Somebody with crooked yellow teeth.
Come on, Lisa. Watch a little cable with us.
It won't cost you a thing... except your soul!

Will you stop it? She went out with the good one.

Shut up. I'm over as far as I can go!

All right, all right! I'll walk in the mud!

Yeah, you want a ride?

No. Yes, Bart.

You know Homer, when I got home, I realized who I should have gone to the prom with.

Who? Oh.

My prom date.

Marge, pour vous.

Why so glum?

I've got a problem. Once you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and then I'll never be able to let you go.

And I never have.

Hey, good evening, Hezron, Carver of Graven Images.

Ah, good evening, Homer the Thief. How is business?

Been a little slow these past few months. Not much to steal in the desert, you know.

Ah, do not worry, my friend. I figure we'll be wandering out here another two weeks, tops.

Heh, heh, heh, heh.

Ah, good evening, Zohar the Adulterer. My wife sends her warmest regards.

Ah, yes, she's a good woman. Very good.

Thank you, my lusty friend.

Ooh, Moses is back.

Quick, everybody look busy.

The Lord has handed down to us Ten Commandments by which to live. I will now read them in no particular order: Thou shalt not make any graven images.

Oh, my God!

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Ah, well. Looks like the party's over.

Hey, Moses, keep 'em comin'.

Thou shall not steal.

Sorry, Homer.

That is the most dishonest thing I've ever heard.

I should box your ears you, you, you... You Sneaky Pete!

Easy, tiger.

Hey, you easy. Now, get off my property! Off!

Hey, Flanders. Who put that bug up your butt?

Ohhh. I wanted to subscribe to that new Arts and Crafts Channel. Well, sir, they send over this flimflam man to install it, and do you know what he did? He offered to hook me up illegally to every cable channel for only fifty bucks.

Boy, what's this world coming to?

You know, that's exactly what I --

Gotta go.

Hey, stop, cable man! Stop!

What do you want?

I want free cable.

So this is okay, I mean everybody does it, right?

What? Oh, hey, if you're having second thoughts, just read this pamphlet.

So You've Decided To Steal Cable.

Uh-huh.

"Myth: Cable piracy is wrong. Fact: Cable companies are big faceless corporations, which makes it okay."

Cable. It's more wonderful than I dared hope.

Don't you hate it... when you go to the bathroom and... there's no toilet paper?

It's funny 'cause it's true!

Oh, hey, hey. Family, family, come here. I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable.

Cable? / Us? / Wow! / We have cable!

That's right. Sixty-eight channels. MTV for the kids. VH-1 for us. Sixteen hundred hours of quality programming every day!

Homer, we talked about cable before. Do you really think we can afford it?

Nothing a month? Yeah, I think we can swing that.

Are you sure this is legal?

Don't worry, Marge. Take a look at this.

"Myth: It's only fair to pay for quality first-run movies. Fact: Most movies shown on cable get two stars or less and are repeated ad nauseam." Hmm, well, I don't know.

Marge --

Hear Me Roar -- The Network For Women.

In the next half hour we'll show you how to cut your first aid bill in half by making your own bandaids.

Ooh. That's a good idea.

Now before we begin you'll need five yards of sterilized cotton...

El Mummeo le pone en el "Sleeper Hold". Donde esta los medicos de Mexico?

Oooo. Pro wrestling from Mexico. You know, down there it's a real sport.

Cool. This is where Jaws eats the boat.

Cool. This is where Die Hard jumps through the window.

Cool. This is where Wall Street gets arrested.

Mr. Speaker, if I could call your attention to the Retroactive Subsidy Appropriations Override Bill. I refer you to page four thousand five hundred and...

They must think people will watch anything.

Live from New Orleans -- this is the World Series of Cockfighting. Oh, son of a gun we'll have big fun on the bayou tonight...

We'd get there quicker if I drove my Dad's car.

I don't know, Davey.

Aren't you ready for church, Homer?

Huh, wha'? Oh, okay.

Now today's Christian doesn't think he needs God. He thinks he's got it made. He's got his hi-fi... his boob tube... and his instant pizza pie...

Oooh. Pizza.

All right, children. Now, I don't want you to get frightened, but it's my responsibility to teach you this. Today's topic will be "hell".

All right. I've sat through mercy and I've sat through forgiveness. Finally, we get to the good stuff.

Oh hell is a terrible place. Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket. There's a lake of fire burning with sulfur, you'll be tormented day and night forever and ever. As a matter of fact, if you actually saw Hell, you'd be so frightened, you would die.

Oh, Miss Albright.

Yes, Bart.

Are there pirates in hell?

So what you're saying is, there's a down side to the afterlife. How does one steer clear of this abode of the damned?

By obeying the Ten Commandments.

Ten simple rules that are easy to live by.

So, what did you children learn about today?

Well, that's what we learned about. I sure as hell can't tell you we learned about hell unless I say hell, can I?

The lad has a point.

Hell, yes.

Hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell.

Bart, you're no longer in Sunday School. Don't swear.

Hey, anybody up for a little so-called pay TV?

Dad, are you sure this isn't stealing?

Read the pamphlet, honey.

Oh, goody! A program-length advertisements!

Wait a minute, Troy. I'm a little confused. Did you say, "cleans and straightens"?

Thank you, Troy. Hi everybody!

Now for if I had a volunteer. Somebody with crooked yellow teeth.

Come on, Lisa. Watch a little cable with us.

It won't cost you a thing... except your soul!