jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Presented for your consideration, Springfield, an average little town... with a not-so-average monster.
Happy thoughts... happy thoughts... what a good day... happy thoughts...
The people of Springfield have to make sure they think happy thoughts and say happy things, because this particular monster can read minds. And if displeased, can turn people into grotesque walking terrors.
Happy thoughts... happy thoughts... Boy, I'm gettin' mighty sick of this.
Ruff... ruff... ruff. Bow-wow!
And did I mention that the monster is a 10 year old boy? Quite a twist, eh? Bet you didn't see that one coming.
Good morning.
Morning.
Good morning, dear.
Hiya Bart!!! How's my boy! Heh heh. Heh heh.
Every day, same old cat. I'll make him more interesting.
Oh, there. That's better.
Much better! Oh good, the curtains are on fire!
It's good that you made that awful thing, Bart. It's real good.
Now hadn't you better get ready for school?
He gets it from your side of the family, you know. No monsters on my side.
Hi guys. Hi Otto. Move over. I'm driving.
No can do, little buddy. See, there's a rule that... oh wait... you're the little dude with all the gnarly powers.
Quit riding the brake, Otto. Give it some gas, man.
Hey, this is fun, isn't it? We're going to die, aren't we?
Hi ya, Bart!
Well class, the history of our country has been changed again, huh, to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test.
America was now discovered in 1942 by..."Some Guy"... And our country isn't called "America" anymore, it's "Bonerland."
Your attention please. This is Principal Skinner. Bart, this one's for you. Hello ma baby, hello ma honey, hello my ragtime gal... Send me a kiss by wire..
Happy thoughts... happy thoughts... we love that boy.
Moe's Tavern. Hold on, I'll check. ... Hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt, and my butt smells, and I like to kiss my own butt.
That's a new one .
Now wait a minute...
One... more... time! HELLO MA BABY... HELLO MA HONEY... HELLO MY RAGTIME GAL. DOUBLETIME, NOW. SEND ME A KISS BY WIRE...
I love school.
Come on... make it... make it... make it... please... please... please.
I want to watch Krusty.
Shut up boy. If they make this field goal I win fifty bucks.
The kick is up...it's looking good... the ball is turning into a fat bald guy...
...and it's no good. And you know what we say everytime something strange happens: "It's good that Bart did that. It's very good...."
Well, we're still on. Three hundred and forty-six consecutive hours. And all because of one little boy who... who won't let me stop! Anyway... now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his.
Slowly... slowly... don't make a sound... don't even think, because he can hear your thoughts... then, when he's least expecting it, bash his head in with a chair. End of monster. Heh heh heh.
That's it, young man. You're coming with me...
Please?
You like attention, don't you Bart?
Do I ever!
Well we all do. The problem is that you don't care whether you get good attention, for say getting good marks in school, or bad attention for .. say.. turning your father into a Jack-in-the-box.
Homer, I see you agree with my theory.
I'm not nodding. It's the air conditioning.
Well that's too bad because the attention the boy craves should be coming from you. I want you to spend some quality time with him. Get to know him. Maybe even love him.
Good night, son.
Good night, dad. You know, these last few days have been really swell. I wish there was something I could do to repay you.
Well, if you wanted to, you could give me my body back.
You got it.
Oh, ah, thanks boy.
I love you, dad.
I love you, son.
Yaahhh!
Mom! Dad!
My goodness, what's wrong?
We both had nightmares.
Can we sleep with you?
You both toilet-trained?
Well, okay then... ... Four o'clock... Coupla hours I have to get up and go to work... gotta go to work... go to work.
Look at them, Smithers. Goldbrickers, lay-abouts, slug-a-beds...
Little do they realize their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.
Oh, in the meantime, sir, may I suggest a random firing... just to throw the fear of God into them.
Very well.
Eeney, meany, miney... ugh, him.
Attention Homer Simpson. Attention Homer Simpson. Wake up, Homer.
Huh? What?
You're fired.
For what?
For sleeping on the job.
How do you know I was sleeping?
We've been watching you on the surveillance camera.
Camera?
Smithers, to the laboratory.
You know Smithers, I've always despised the laziness of the common worker. Then I realized his spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak. So I replaced the flesh -- which is weak -- with steel, which is strong. Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat o' nine tails.
How long till it's up and running, sir?
Keep your pants on, Smithers. First, we need... The human brain.
Hey, here's a good job, Dad. Oh wait, you have to know how to operate a ultrasonic lithotryptor.
How hard can it be?
Hey, Dad. Here's one. Twenty-eight dollars an hour, plenty of fresh air... and you get to meet lots of interesting people.
Ooo, what job is that?
Grave digger.
Deeper. Wider. Faster. I wouldn't bury me turtle in that mud puddle. Ah, what's the use?
Sheesh. What a slave driver.
What corpse should we unearth, sir?
I don't know. I feel like a kid in a candy store.
Hello! An open grave. Smithers, get him out quickly, the stench is overpowering.
Oh, will you quit your complaining.
What a minute, sir. That's Homer Simpson. He wasn't exactly a model employee.
Well, who is a model ... employee?
Ehhh... Simpson will do just fine, sir.
Did you hear that, sir?
No, I didn't. Who is it? Frankenstein? The Booger Man?
It's the man in the bag, sir. I think he's alive.
Oh... bad corpse. Bad corpse. Stop scaring Smithers. Satisfied?
Thank you, sir.
Excellent.
Smithers, hand me that ice cream scoop.
Ice cream scoop?
Damn it, Smithers. This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery.
Hel-lo. Look at me, I'm Davey Crockett.

Presented for your consideration, Springfield, an average little town... with a not-so-average monster.

Happy thoughts... happy thoughts... what a good day... happy thoughts...

The people of Springfield have to make sure they think happy thoughts and say happy things, because this particular monster can read minds. And if displeased, can turn people into grotesque walking terrors.

Happy thoughts... happy thoughts... Boy, I'm gettin' mighty sick of this.

Ruff... ruff... ruff. Bow-wow!

And did I mention that the monster is a 10 year old boy? Quite a twist, eh? Bet you didn't see that one coming.

Good morning.

Morning.

Good morning, dear.

Hiya Bart!!! How's my boy! Heh heh. Heh heh.

Every day, same old cat. I'll make him more interesting.

Oh, there. That's better.

Much better! Oh good, the curtains are on fire!

It's good that you made that awful thing, Bart. It's real good.

Now hadn't you better get ready for school?

He gets it from your side of the family, you know. No monsters on my side.

Hi guys. Hi Otto. Move over. I'm driving.

No can do, little buddy. See, there's a rule that... oh wait... you're the little dude with all the gnarly powers.

Quit riding the brake, Otto. Give it some gas, man.

Hey, this is fun, isn't it? We're going to die, aren't we?

Hi ya, Bart!

Well class, the history of our country has been changed again, huh, to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test.

America was now discovered in 1942 by..."Some Guy"... And our country isn't called "America" anymore, it's "Bonerland."

Your attention please. This is Principal Skinner. Bart, this one's for you. Hello ma baby, hello ma honey, hello my ragtime gal... Send me a kiss by wire..

Happy thoughts... happy thoughts... we love that boy.

Moe's Tavern. Hold on, I'll check. ... Hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt, and my butt smells, and I like to kiss my own butt.

That's a new one .

Now wait a minute...

One... more... time! HELLO MA BABY... HELLO MA HONEY... HELLO MY RAGTIME GAL. DOUBLETIME, NOW. SEND ME A KISS BY WIRE...

I love school.

Come on... make it... make it... make it... please... please... please.

I want to watch Krusty.

Shut up boy. If they make this field goal I win fifty bucks.

The kick is up...it's looking good... the ball is turning into a fat bald guy...

...and it's no good. And you know what we say everytime something strange happens: "It's good that Bart did that. It's very good...."

Well, we're still on. Three hundred and forty-six consecutive hours. And all because of one little boy who... who won't let me stop! Anyway... now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his.

Slowly... slowly... don't make a sound... don't even think, because he can hear your thoughts... then, when he's least expecting it, bash his head in with a chair. End of monster. Heh heh heh.

That's it, young man. You're coming with me...

Please?

You like attention, don't you Bart?

Do I ever!

Well we all do. The problem is that you don't care whether you get good attention, for say getting good marks in school, or bad attention for .. say.. turning your father into a Jack-in-the-box.

Homer, I see you agree with my theory.

I'm not nodding. It's the air conditioning.

Well that's too bad because the attention the boy craves should be coming from you. I want you to spend some quality time with him. Get to know him. Maybe even love him.

Good night, son.

Good night, dad. You know, these last few days have been really swell. I wish there was something I could do to repay you.

Well, if you wanted to, you could give me my body back.

You got it.

Oh, ah, thanks boy.

I love you, dad.

I love you, son.

Yaahhh!

Mom! Dad!

My goodness, what's wrong?

We both had nightmares.

Can we sleep with you?

You both toilet-trained?

Well, okay then... ... Four o'clock... Coupla hours I have to get up and go to work... gotta go to work... go to work.

Look at them, Smithers. Goldbrickers, lay-abouts, slug-a-beds...

Little do they realize their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.

Oh, in the meantime, sir, may I suggest a random firing... just to throw the fear of God into them.

Very well.

Eeney, meany, miney... ugh, him.

Attention Homer Simpson. Attention Homer Simpson. Wake up, Homer.

Huh? What?

You're fired.

For what?

For sleeping on the job.

How do you know I was sleeping?

We've been watching you on the surveillance camera.

Camera?

Smithers, to the laboratory.

You know Smithers, I've always despised the laziness of the common worker. Then I realized his spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak. So I replaced the flesh -- which is weak -- with steel, which is strong. Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat o' nine tails.

How long till it's up and running, sir?

Keep your pants on, Smithers. First, we need... The human brain.

Hey, here's a good job, Dad. Oh wait, you have to know how to operate a ultrasonic lithotryptor.

How hard can it be?

Hey, Dad. Here's one. Twenty-eight dollars an hour, plenty of fresh air... and you get to meet lots of interesting people.

Ooo, what job is that?

Grave digger.

Deeper. Wider. Faster. I wouldn't bury me turtle in that mud puddle. Ah, what's the use?

Sheesh. What a slave driver.

What corpse should we unearth, sir?

I don't know. I feel like a kid in a candy store.

Hello! An open grave. Smithers, get him out quickly, the stench is overpowering.

Oh, will you quit your complaining.

What a minute, sir. That's Homer Simpson. He wasn't exactly a model employee.

Well, who is a model ... employee?

Ehhh... Simpson will do just fine, sir.

Did you hear that, sir?

No, I didn't. Who is it? Frankenstein? The Booger Man?

It's the man in the bag, sir. I think he's alive.

Oh... bad corpse. Bad corpse. Stop scaring Smithers. Satisfied?

Thank you, sir.

Excellent.

Smithers, hand me that ice cream scoop.

Ice cream scoop?

Damn it, Smithers. This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery.

Hel-lo. Look at me, I'm Davey Crockett.