jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Four hundred days. I can do that standing on my head.
All right, five hundred days.
Oooh, big man.
Six hundred days.
Maybe I'll just shut my big mouth.
Let's go, Simpson.
Bart, why'd you take the blame?
'Cause I didn't want you to wreck your life. You got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I'll be right there to borrow money.
Oh, Bart.
Soundin' good, Lis!
I don't need your crummy job Mr. Employer! I won the lottery!
Well, who needs employees? I won the lottery too!
We both won the lottery!
Why don't you win the lottery, too?
The State Lottery. Where everybody wins. Actual odds of winning -- one in three hundred eighty million.
Pfft, the lottery. Exploiter of the poor and ignorant.
You know, I heard the jackpot's up to one hundred and thirty million dollars.
One hundred and thirty million dollars!
Yes, yes, here's your lottery ticket. Thank you for knocking over my inventory. Please come again.
Bart, I need some lucky numbers, fast! How old are you? Uh-huh, and what's your birthday? No kidding. And what's Lisa's birthday?... What? You don't know your sister's birthday? What kind of brother are you?
Strap on your bullet proof vest, Sanjay. It's time for another bank run.
All right, but if I don't make it, promise you won't sleep with my wife.
I promise nothing.
You'll never guess what happened Marge! Are you ready? I... have... a feeling... that we may win... the lottery!
But we never ever...
I know you're excited, but calm down and listen to me carefully. Go-get-all-your-money...
I buy one lottery ticket a week with the girls at the hair salon. We each play our birthday. And that's enough excitement for me.
You don't understand, Marge. The lottery is the one ray of hope in my otherwise unbearable life. Uh, the lottery and you.
Homer, we're on a tight budget here. Promise me you won't get carried away.
Yes, Money... I mean Honey. Ooooh! Here comes a news report about the lottery!
Hey, down in front.
The whole state is suddenly in the grip of lottery fever. And Springfield is no exception.
In fact, every copy of Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery" has been checked out from the Springfield Public Library.
Of course, the book does not contain any hints on how to win the lottery. It is, rather, a chilling tale of conformity gone mad.
But there's already one big winner. Our state's school system, which gets fully half the profits from the lottery.
You can still win some money if you have five out of six.
Whoo-hoo!
Just think what we can buy with that money. History books that know how the Korean War came out. Math books that don't have that Base six crap in them.
And a state of the art detention hall, where children are held in place with magnets.
Magnets. Always with the magnets.
I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I am going to win this lottery.
Homer, the odds are three hundred and eighty million to one.
Correction. Three hundred and eighty million to fifty. So what are you gonna do with your share of the money, kids?
Put it in the bank.
Give it to the poor.
What do kids know about spending money?
What are you gonna do, Homer?
Hey Homer, what'd you do? Get a haircut or something?
Look closer, Lenny!
Oh I know what it is. You're the biggest man in the world now. And you're covered in gold.
Fourteen carat gold!
Take a hike boss, I'm running things now.
All hail king Homer!
We now take you to the drawing live -- I hope you've got your tickets. I've got mine.
They're about to start, Chief.
No, you've got the wrong number. This is nine one two.
We'll be with you in a minute, kids. This could be our ticket outta here, Mel.
I will now draw the first winning number.
I've got so many tickets I can't lose!
The first number is... seventeen.
And the second number is... three.
Receipts, ugh.
Yeah, I knew we wouldn't win.
Well why didn't you tell the rest of us? Why did you keep it a secret??? If you were seventeen, we'd be rich! But no! You had to be "10."
And the final number is... forty-nine.
Thirty-eight... forty-nine... Ohmigod! I won! I won!
Recapping our day's top story -- the winner of today's state lottery is me, Kent Brockman! Can we get a shot of me?
There you go.
In other news... uh... a tragic mix-up today in Cleveland... many people killed... uh... Goodbye.
Oh well... we lost the money, but at least we've still got each other.
Hey, the dog's dead.
Grampa, he's not dead!
Dad, you shouldn't say the dog's dead when he's not.
It's not fair to toy with people's emotions like that.
He is dead! I'll get a shovel.
Well, he's not dead, but he is awfully sick.
Oh, sure! The old man's off his rocker. If Grampa says he's dead he must be alive.
He is alive. He's wagging his tail.
That don't mean nothin'! Dogs wag their tails for hours after they die. I'm tired of this conversation. Let's talk about something else. I'm going home.
Clear! Ugh... Clear!
Doctor... he's gone.
This is the part of the job I hate.
Hey, you did the best you could.
I love animals. I spend my life saving them and they can't thank me. Well... the parrots can -- but, anyway let's see what's wrong with this little fella.
I'm afraid that your dog has a twisted stomach. He needs an operation to correct it or he'll die.
Hmm, how much will it cost?
Seven hundred and fifty dollars.
Oh dear!
This is never an easy decision. It's an awful lot of money.
Well... I guess we'll have to talk it over.
Talk what over? What's there to talk about?
What are we going to talk over?
Mr. Teeny needs a refill of his nicotine gum.
I can't help but notice we're leaving the hospital. When's the dog going to get his operation?
Uh... later. First, I want to tell you about the most wonderful place in the world... Doggie Heaven.
In Doggie Heaven, there's mountains of bones and they can't turn around without sniffing another dog's butt! And all the best dogs are there. Old Yeller... and about eight Lassies and...
Is there a Doggie Hell?
Well... of course. There couldn't be a heaven if there weren't a hell.
Who's in there?
Uh... Hitler's dog... and that dog Nixon had... whassisname... uh... Chester.

Four hundred days. I can do that standing on my head.

All right, five hundred days.

Oooh, big man.

Six hundred days.

Maybe I'll just shut my big mouth.

Let's go, Simpson.

Bart, why'd you take the blame?

'Cause I didn't want you to wreck your life. You got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I'll be right there to borrow money.

Oh, Bart.

Soundin' good, Lis!

I don't need your crummy job Mr. Employer! I won the lottery!

Well, who needs employees? I won the lottery too!

We both won the lottery!

Why don't you win the lottery, too?

The State Lottery. Where everybody wins. Actual odds of winning -- one in three hundred eighty million.

Pfft, the lottery. Exploiter of the poor and ignorant.

You know, I heard the jackpot's up to one hundred and thirty million dollars.

One hundred and thirty million dollars!

Yes, yes, here's your lottery ticket. Thank you for knocking over my inventory. Please come again.

Bart, I need some lucky numbers, fast! How old are you? Uh-huh, and what's your birthday? No kidding. And what's Lisa's birthday?... What? You don't know your sister's birthday? What kind of brother are you?

Strap on your bullet proof vest, Sanjay. It's time for another bank run.

All right, but if I don't make it, promise you won't sleep with my wife.

I promise nothing.

You'll never guess what happened Marge! Are you ready? I... have... a feeling... that we may win... the lottery!

But we never ever...

I know you're excited, but calm down and listen to me carefully. Go-get-all-your-money...

I buy one lottery ticket a week with the girls at the hair salon. We each play our birthday. And that's enough excitement for me.

You don't understand, Marge. The lottery is the one ray of hope in my otherwise unbearable life. Uh, the lottery and you.

Homer, we're on a tight budget here. Promise me you won't get carried away.

Yes, Money... I mean Honey. Ooooh! Here comes a news report about the lottery!

Hey, down in front.

The whole state is suddenly in the grip of lottery fever. And Springfield is no exception.

In fact, every copy of Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery" has been checked out from the Springfield Public Library.

Of course, the book does not contain any hints on how to win the lottery. It is, rather, a chilling tale of conformity gone mad.

But there's already one big winner. Our state's school system, which gets fully half the profits from the lottery.

You can still win some money if you have five out of six.

Whoo-hoo!

Just think what we can buy with that money. History books that know how the Korean War came out. Math books that don't have that Base six crap in them.

And a state of the art detention hall, where children are held in place with magnets.

Magnets. Always with the magnets.

I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I am going to win this lottery.

Homer, the odds are three hundred and eighty million to one.

Correction. Three hundred and eighty million to fifty. So what are you gonna do with your share of the money, kids?

Put it in the bank.

Give it to the poor.

What do kids know about spending money?

What are you gonna do, Homer?

Hey Homer, what'd you do? Get a haircut or something?

Look closer, Lenny!

Oh I know what it is. You're the biggest man in the world now. And you're covered in gold.

Fourteen carat gold!

Take a hike boss, I'm running things now.

All hail king Homer!

We now take you to the drawing live -- I hope you've got your tickets. I've got mine.

They're about to start, Chief.

No, you've got the wrong number. This is nine one two.

We'll be with you in a minute, kids. This could be our ticket outta here, Mel.

I will now draw the first winning number.

I've got so many tickets I can't lose!

The first number is... seventeen.

And the second number is... three.

Receipts, ugh.

Yeah, I knew we wouldn't win.

Well why didn't you tell the rest of us? Why did you keep it a secret??? If you were seventeen, we'd be rich! But no! You had to be "10."

And the final number is... forty-nine.

Thirty-eight... forty-nine... Ohmigod! I won! I won!

Recapping our day's top story -- the winner of today's state lottery is me, Kent Brockman! Can we get a shot of me?

There you go.

In other news... uh... a tragic mix-up today in Cleveland... many people killed... uh... Goodbye.

Oh well... we lost the money, but at least we've still got each other.

Hey, the dog's dead.

Grampa, he's not dead!

Dad, you shouldn't say the dog's dead when he's not.

It's not fair to toy with people's emotions like that.

He is dead! I'll get a shovel.

Well, he's not dead, but he is awfully sick.

Oh, sure! The old man's off his rocker. If Grampa says he's dead he must be alive.

He is alive. He's wagging his tail.

That don't mean nothin'! Dogs wag their tails for hours after they die. I'm tired of this conversation. Let's talk about something else. I'm going home.

Clear! Ugh... Clear!

Doctor... he's gone.

This is the part of the job I hate.

Hey, you did the best you could.

I love animals. I spend my life saving them and they can't thank me. Well... the parrots can -- but, anyway let's see what's wrong with this little fella.

I'm afraid that your dog has a twisted stomach. He needs an operation to correct it or he'll die.

Hmm, how much will it cost?

Seven hundred and fifty dollars.

Oh dear!

This is never an easy decision. It's an awful lot of money.

Well... I guess we'll have to talk it over.

Talk what over? What's there to talk about?

What are we going to talk over?

Mr. Teeny needs a refill of his nicotine gum.

I can't help but notice we're leaving the hospital. When's the dog going to get his operation?

Uh... later. First, I want to tell you about the most wonderful place in the world... Doggie Heaven.

In Doggie Heaven, there's mountains of bones and they can't turn around without sniffing another dog's butt! And all the best dogs are there. Old Yeller... and about eight Lassies and...

Is there a Doggie Hell?

Well... of course. There couldn't be a heaven if there weren't a hell.

Who's in there?

Uh... Hitler's dog... and that dog Nixon had... whassisname... uh... Chester.