jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Awriigght!
Homemaker?!
Mm, hmm. It's like a Mommy.
Police officer? Well, I'll be jiggered.
If you'd like to learn more I could arrange for you to ride along in a police car for a night.
Hey, I don't need you to get me in the back of a police car.
Ohhh, nooo. Coppppss.
I really think you should consider this. You know, before I saw these test results I had you pegged as a drifter.
Wow, a drifter.
A homemaker! I might as well be dead!
Lisa, it's not that bad.
So what're you gonna be, boy?
Policeman.
That's nice, Bart. You know your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while. But they said he was too heavy.
No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.
Well, I'm gonna be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs. And I may or may not die young, I haven't decided.
Honey, if that's what you want, we'll do anything we can to help.
Wait a minute. Isn't anybody gonna follow in my footsteps?
Can you tell me if I have what it takes to be a blues musician?
Sure can. Show me your chops.
Uh huh...
So you think she has talent?
Do you think she could be a professional some day?
Oh, Lord no.
But I'll practice every day!
Yeah, well I'll be frank with you, Lisa. And when I say frank, I mean, you know, devastating. You've inherited a finger condition known as "stubbiness". It usually comes from the father's side.
Stupid fingers.
You're wrong, you're wrong! You don't need long fingers to play the blues. The blues come from in here!
My God, they are stubby.
Look, I didn't steal that copper wire. I just thought they were throwing it out. Here, take it.
No no, sir, we're here to pick up your son. He's coming on a ride-along.
Good for you. Maybe this'll straighten the boy out.
Wow! Can I see your club?
It's called a baton, son.
Oh, what's it for?
We club people with it.
Well, it's about time.
So, you guys like being cops?
Oh it's great. You get to run red lights... Park wherever you please... Hot and cold runnin' chicks...
And when you go home at night, you know you've made a difference.
Hey Bart, you see that Caddy over there?
Huh-huh.
That's Mayor Quimby's car. Tonight Hizzoner is "polling the electorate".
How would you like a street named after you?
I tell ya, they only come out at night.
Dear Log... This will be my last entry. For you were a journal of my hopes and dreams, and now I have none.
Do you need straight A's to be a cop?
Hey, fellas, let's go shoot some bad guys.
Whoa, whoa, it doesn't quite work that way, son.
People see movies like "McBain" and they think it's all bang-bang, shoot-'em-up, cops-n-robbers.
Let's roll!
One ocean tango... We are in pursuit of a speeding individual, driving a red... ...car. License number...
Eggplant-Xerxes-Crybaby-Overbite-Narwhal.
Ooh, they used nylon rope this time. It feels so smooth against my skin. Almost sensuous.
Oh, baby!
Damn boxes!
He's trapped.
Where's our backup?
I don't know. Son, this is against every regulation, but would you cover us?
See you in hell, punk.
Act Two: "Death Drives A Stick."
See you in hell, punk.
Man, that was close!
Good thing this alley got so narrow in the middle.
Well, that's nice work, boys.
Looks like you just bought yourself a lottery ticket... to jail.
He's unconscious, sir.
They can still hear things!
Sir, I know what I wanna be when I grow up. A cop!
Well, until then, son, I'm gonna make you an honorary police officer... Eddie, give him your badge.
Morning, honey.
What's so good about it....
Lisa, I know you're down on homemaking, but it can really let you be creative. See, this morning I turned bacon, eggs and toast into a nice smiley face for Bart and Homer.
What's the point? They'll never notice.
Oh well, you'd be surprised.
Now, just relax your hand.
Thank you, Ma'am. You've been most cooperative.
Bad dog! Very bad dog.
Mom, before you blame the dog, I think you should take a look at these surveillance photos.
Oh... Oh... Unng... Oh, Bart.
Uh, I don't know how that got in there.
Lisa, why aren't you at band practice?
I quit.
Oh, honey, right now you're discouraged. But deep down, you know you love the saxophone. I think you should stay in the band.
If you think it's so great, why don't you join the band?
Lisa, there are a lot of people in the world who like to tell you what you can't do. But they don't always know what they're talking about.
The girl on the oatmeal box?
Women can't be astronauts.
They'd distract the men astronauts so they wouldn't keep their minds on the road.
So you see, my sisters were wrong. Except about the cities on the moon. I was wrong about that. So... well, you can see how anyone can be wrong.
Sweet vigilant puma. Principal of the mountains.
Hi Lis, want to quiz me on the vowels?
Janey, I'm about ready to chuck the whole stinking alphabet.
Lisa, what are you doing? That's the bad girl bathroom.
You wanna egg his house?
What're you lookin' at?
Nothin'.
Then get out, 'cause we're figuring out stuff to egg.
Okay, but if you really want to honk Skinner off, I suggest you attack the one thing he truly believes in.
Really?

Awriigght!

Homemaker?!

Mm, hmm. It's like a Mommy.

Police officer? Well, I'll be jiggered.

If you'd like to learn more I could arrange for you to ride along in a police car for a night.

Hey, I don't need you to get me in the back of a police car.

Ohhh, nooo. Coppppss.

I really think you should consider this. You know, before I saw these test results I had you pegged as a drifter.

Wow, a drifter.

A homemaker! I might as well be dead!

Lisa, it's not that bad.

So what're you gonna be, boy?

Policeman.

That's nice, Bart. You know your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while. But they said he was too heavy.

No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.

Well, I'm gonna be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs. And I may or may not die young, I haven't decided.

Honey, if that's what you want, we'll do anything we can to help.

Wait a minute. Isn't anybody gonna follow in my footsteps?

Can you tell me if I have what it takes to be a blues musician?

Sure can. Show me your chops.

Uh huh...

So you think she has talent?

Do you think she could be a professional some day?

Oh, Lord no.

But I'll practice every day!

Yeah, well I'll be frank with you, Lisa. And when I say frank, I mean, you know, devastating. You've inherited a finger condition known as "stubbiness". It usually comes from the father's side.

Stupid fingers.

You're wrong, you're wrong! You don't need long fingers to play the blues. The blues come from in here!

My God, they are stubby.

Look, I didn't steal that copper wire. I just thought they were throwing it out. Here, take it.

No no, sir, we're here to pick up your son. He's coming on a ride-along.

Good for you. Maybe this'll straighten the boy out.

Wow! Can I see your club?

It's called a baton, son.

Oh, what's it for?

We club people with it.

Well, it's about time.

So, you guys like being cops?

Oh it's great. You get to run red lights... Park wherever you please... Hot and cold runnin' chicks...

And when you go home at night, you know you've made a difference.

Hey Bart, you see that Caddy over there?

Huh-huh.

That's Mayor Quimby's car. Tonight Hizzoner is "polling the electorate".

How would you like a street named after you?

I tell ya, they only come out at night.

Dear Log... This will be my last entry. For you were a journal of my hopes and dreams, and now I have none.

Do you need straight A's to be a cop?

Hey, fellas, let's go shoot some bad guys.

Whoa, whoa, it doesn't quite work that way, son.

People see movies like "McBain" and they think it's all bang-bang, shoot-'em-up, cops-n-robbers.

Let's roll!

One ocean tango... We are in pursuit of a speeding individual, driving a red... ...car. License number...

Eggplant-Xerxes-Crybaby-Overbite-Narwhal.

Ooh, they used nylon rope this time. It feels so smooth against my skin. Almost sensuous.

Oh, baby!

Damn boxes!

He's trapped.

Where's our backup?

I don't know. Son, this is against every regulation, but would you cover us?

See you in hell, punk.

Act Two: "Death Drives A Stick."

See you in hell, punk.

Man, that was close!

Good thing this alley got so narrow in the middle.

Well, that's nice work, boys.

Looks like you just bought yourself a lottery ticket... to jail.

He's unconscious, sir.

They can still hear things!

Sir, I know what I wanna be when I grow up. A cop!

Well, until then, son, I'm gonna make you an honorary police officer... Eddie, give him your badge.

Morning, honey.

What's so good about it....

Lisa, I know you're down on homemaking, but it can really let you be creative. See, this morning I turned bacon, eggs and toast into a nice smiley face for Bart and Homer.

What's the point? They'll never notice.

Oh well, you'd be surprised.

Now, just relax your hand.

Thank you, Ma'am. You've been most cooperative.

Bad dog! Very bad dog.

Mom, before you blame the dog, I think you should take a look at these surveillance photos.

Oh... Oh... Unng... Oh, Bart.

Uh, I don't know how that got in there.

Lisa, why aren't you at band practice?

I quit.

Oh, honey, right now you're discouraged. But deep down, you know you love the saxophone. I think you should stay in the band.

If you think it's so great, why don't you join the band?

Lisa, there are a lot of people in the world who like to tell you what you can't do. But they don't always know what they're talking about.

The girl on the oatmeal box?

Women can't be astronauts.

They'd distract the men astronauts so they wouldn't keep their minds on the road.

So you see, my sisters were wrong. Except about the cities on the moon. I was wrong about that. So... well, you can see how anyone can be wrong.

Sweet vigilant puma. Principal of the mountains.

Hi Lis, want to quiz me on the vowels?

Janey, I'm about ready to chuck the whole stinking alphabet.

Lisa, what are you doing? That's the bad girl bathroom.

You wanna egg his house?

What're you lookin' at?

Nothin'.

Then get out, 'cause we're figuring out stuff to egg.

Okay, but if you really want to honk Skinner off, I suggest you attack the one thing he truly believes in.

Really?